#adopteejourney

[aerialklove]

It’s so emotionally draining having birth family in my life, but I can’t imagine now having them in my life. Do you ever think it would be easier not having bio mom in your life?

Some days I think it would be easier for me emotionally. From the day I found out I was adopted I wanted my birth mother in my life. I wondered if she was pretty. If she had long hair or if she could sing. I longed for her. So when we reunited in 2012 I quickly realized that she would not be able to be in my life the way I thought and the way I wanted. Having to let her go…again has been and will be my greatest grief. Would it be easier…yes. However…I knew this journey was not going to be a walk in the park.I love my biological siblings so much and could not imagine not having them in my life.

[allegrettaalive-blog]

“If you let your past stop you from pursuing your future, then you’re on a leash made by your own fears.” . Fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is entirely illusion. . We’re awakening now. . #selflove #loveyourself #transcend #ascension #5d #spiritualawakening #massconsciousness #adoptee #adopteejourney #spiritualjourney #manifestmiracles #manifestation #lawofattraction #abundance #joy #gratitudeforthepresentmoment #newchapter (at Boston, Massachusetts)

[aerialklove]

Guilt. Grief. Gain. Growth: An Adoptees Perspective

Guilt 1. If I search from my biological family...my birth family will “disown” me or not like me or will not treat me the same. 2. If I spend time with my biological family...then my adoptive family will think I don't love them or like them or don't want to spend time with them. 3. Post reunion: Trying to choose who to spend the holidays with. 4. Forming relationships with bio family that are almost better emotionally than the adoptive family.

Grief 1. Longing for a connection from biological family even though the relationship in the adoptive family is loving or okay. 2. Post reunion: Knowing that the relationship that may be formed with biological family especially birth mother or birth family will never be the same because of the trauma and abandonment as a newborn, infant, child etc. 3. Wanting more. From everyone around you because of the void that may be there or the lacking of emotional support. Walking around and people telling you that because you were adopted into a “good family” that you should be grateful but all the feelings turns in to grief from loss.

These are just a few examples from my personal adoptee journey. Guilt and grief can eat you alive. It has cause anxiety, depression and just a want to shut down. However there is light at the end of this tunnel.

    Gain 1. I have three older sisters who mean everything to me. I would not trade them for anything in this world. 2. My twin brother and my older brother are cool 3. I have two nieces and two nephews and don't need kids right now (win) 4. My birth mother and I have an ok relationship. I acknowledged her hardships. I forgave her. I told myself that I am not her but I am her in every way that it counts. I gained a friend.

Growth 1. I don't internalize the things that people perceive about my birth family. 2. I don't feel as anxious when I decide to spend time with my biological siblings. 3. My mom acknowledges my adoption and we have talked about and it has not been an angry explosion.

An adoptee’s journey is not for the faint at heart however it’s not something that you have to be brave or strong through either. There were plenty of time where I wanted to give up and there were times like right now....when I just want to get one hundred percent closure.

I really appreciate this community. I know all of us are unique but I believe that we are each others strength. Mays sound corny but hey I believe it. November is right around the corner so I am getting ready to really dive into getting posts together.

Peace and Love ~ A.

[aerialklove]

Biological Father’s Family Gathering: Update

So I didn't go. I was stuck at work all day actually. I thought about going before work but I didn't want to deal with pent up emotions all day. I text his oldest daughter who I am very fond up. She is so sweet. I told her I was sorry for not being able to go. She texted back saying she didn't go either. I asked her if we could maybe sit down and talk about it and she said sure. So hopefully one day soon we can sit down and talk about it. I am definitely asking for a paternity test.

[aerialklove]

Reaching Out: An Adoptee’s Perspective

I decided to give my birth mother P. a call.

Before I called, I was going through a wide range of emotions and feelings. It was almost as if what was going on around me....people eating, laughing and the store itself was vanishing and it was just me left alone with my thoughts and feelings.

I felt guilty for deciding not to speak to her. I was overwhelmed and have been for a while but when my sister Tee told me that my birth mother ( our mother ) was trying to reach out for my birthday I figured the least I could do was give her a call.

How hard is it to call someone? That was one of the questions circling in my head. Then I thought.... “ What if she is mad at me for not calling?” “ What if she is mad because we haven't talked since January?” What if this and what if that... was all I could think of. I had to push all those thoughts to the side and call her and she answered the phone just like she always have. No anger, no judgmental tone...no anything. I was relieved and also kicking myself because I am my own worse enemy. Sad but true.

We had a good short chat. She guessed my age and was so excited that she guessed right. We talked about meeting up soon and catching up. So that may be something to look forward to.

I honestly thought that she would not acknowledge my birthday. I thought maybe her kids ( grown children’s ) birthdays are hard to deal with because of the circumstances but it seems to me that she celebrates whether she talks to us or not. It’s such a unique position to be in I guess...

[aerialklove]

Hello to my new friends!

My name is Aerial and I am an adoptee. I was placed in foster care at four months old with my twin brother and one older sister. My sister was adopted two hours away and me and my twin brother were fostered until we were legally adopted at age seven. My mom and dad, who adopted us, was able to have two children naturally after us.

I have two younger siblings. One sister and brother. I have a twin brother , three older sisters: two half sisters, one whole sister and one older half brother. All of my siblings are amazing and friendly.

I met my birth mother in a psychiatric hospital in 2012 after being in contact secretively...only by phone for two years prior. Affectionately called P, she is a sweet lady who just happens to be dealing with bipolar disorder.

I met my birth father in 2015 only because I was angry that he approached my twin brother at his job and said “ You know I am you real father” or something like that. I wanted to meet him to tell him not to do that, because my twin brother , at the time, wanted nothing to do with this. However when I met him the first thing he said was “ You look just like your mother.” He was crying and overwhelmed and I didn't have the heart to be mad at him.

I have been in post reunion for the past seven years and it have been an emotional journey and it still is. I have not spoke to my birthmother since February. It is not emotionally safe for me right now. I have been in therapy for the past year and It has help me tremendously. This therapy is not specific to adoption but it is specific to trauma which adoption is trauma.

I been writing my blog since 2013 and have high hopes of turning it into a memoir of some sorts.

I am a firm advocate for adoptees and the adoption triad.

I would love to get to know and chat with you all!

Thanks for the support and love! <3

~A

[aerialklove]

Mother vs Birth Mother...An Adoptee’s Perspective

So I hear a lot of: Giving birth doesn’t make you a mother.

In my opinion, I don't really like this statement. I feel like at the end of the day...if you gave birth to a baby, if a baby came out of you naturally or through C-section, you are a mother. However, I think the choice to take on the motherly attributes is where the label of “mother” is defined.

My mom adopted two babies and gave birth to two babies.

My birth mother gave birth to five babies and all five babies were taken out of her custody.

When did my mom become a mother? When she adopted two babies or when she gave birth to two babies?

When did my birth mother become a mother? When she gave birth to five babies or when she lost five babies?

You see. my mom became a mother as soon as she adopted me and my twin brother. She took on the motherly attributes and did a hell of a good job.

My birth mother is a mother, not through circumstance, but because she gave birth and took care of me for the first four months of my life. Even though she lost custody...I don’t think that makes her any less of a mother. Society would say mothers take care of her children and because she didn’t long term she is not a mother...” just a woman who gave birth”. That sounds awful.

I think advocating for the adoption triad may alleviate the stereotypes of birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees.  

What are your thoughts?