#again SORRY i had to get it out of my system. im normal again

[impactdial]

oh god this is kinda embarrassing but i was organizing some phone notes and i’m just dumping a bunch of n/sfw sanuso headcanons here. its not that graphic or anything but sorry in advance lol

-i said this in my other hc post but they’re both vers switches. sanji just tends to be more or less of a sub every time LOL he’s definitely within pathetic sub top territory.

-i think like maybe 7 out of 10 times they have non penetrative sex. not that either of them are opposed to it, it’s more that they both just get too excited and desperate, and touch and grind against each other before the question of getting naked even comes up (this has led to many awkward walk of shames to do laundry discreetly)

-they were absolutely virgins before they started dating (ok but truthfully usopp figured this on his own anyway BUT he was definitely relieved that sanji didn’t have any more of a clue of what to do than he did)

-usopp is really into feeling sanji’s body hair, especially his stomach and his chest. and sanji is a little obsessed with usopps curves and muscles

-ok sorry to indulge but i think sanji would have a praise kink and by extension would be a little into puppy play/collaring. sorry

-lowkey usopp also has a praise kink but he just prefers to indulge sanji more (he gets too embarrassed and in his own head about it sometimes if the focus is strictly just on him)

-kinda related to prev but even though they like to tease each other it never goes that far. they talk very sweet to each other and sanji especially makes it a point to be very affectionate and voice how good he feels with usopp

-usopps got tiny titties (compared to the rest of him anyway) and yet sanji gets so worked up seeing them when usopp doesn’t bind (binding tape specifically) he throws up like an overexcited dog

-they’re both so sappy and a little pathetic during sex ngl. sanji would be DISGUSTED if you called it anything other than love making

-this is also kinda self indulgent but usopp absolutely manhandles sanji during sex and most of the time it’s unintentional. it’s mostly reactionary and he’s just doing what feels good (putting his whole weight onto sanji while on top of him, etc) and sanji loves it. (“if i die, i die. what better way to go” “….man you’re into some weird stuff but ok!”)

-I’m so sorry class but i’m a small schlong sanji believer. nothing else to say i just want everyone to know that

[airlocksandaviaries]

i want him WHIMPERING CRYING SOBBING MOANING WRITHING PANTING GASPING CHOKING WHINING-

[phagodyke]

had a very weird dream the place I worked was in the marine exploration industry and I was presenting a review of a deep sea probe we were retiring and then woke up extremely abruptly bc my body started digging my uterus out with a million tiny blunt spoons YOWIEEEEOWWW

[kurgy]

hi, im sorry for remaking this post i need to for several reasons at this point, and its a little longer than usual, sorry. but with the social security cuts/mass firings, payment schedules becoming inconsistent right before my eyes, and my tax rebate is still in limbo, im really really not doing well financially, and my additional income options have greatly dwindled, and i genuinely just dont know what else to do anymore, im at a loss

once i finish my remaining comms, i regrettably cannot take on more due to serious health complications. i have always had some health problems and developed a kind of chronic gi issue in my teens that manifested as frequent stomach and abdomen pain/discomfort, acid reflux, stomach ulcers, some other gi issues, and a near constant feeling of intense nausea, which 90% the time forces me onto my bathroom floor for a while, close enough to make it to the toilet when i need to hurl again, which i do on/off every day for at least and hour, multiple times. after a decade of this, it has wrecked my digestive system and practically ruined my teeth, and most recently i suffered what i thought was a flare up that has now lasted well over week, and has since become my new normal, which is seriously fucking me up and impeding my ability to just live so much worse than it ever has before.

my ability to work, do chores, leave my apartment, draw or write or read for leisure, move furniture i was supposed to move weeks ago, or do any patreon work has come to a screeching halt. and every time now i have tried to just draw through it i start to feel seriously disoriented and sick, its not even a lack of focus, its sort of like brain fog. to the point my sight is just blurs and blobs and im confused and have to try and force myself to refocus only to see all the absolute nonsense random lines i was aimlessly makin on the canvas and then running to the batbroom nauseous as hell again.

so im just...overall very worried about finances rn as grocery prices get worse and the federal government that controls my paychecks is gutted with now noticeable effects. i weirdly havent gotten my paycheck yet, and my next $48 bill comes out in a few days. genuinely have no idea what is happening with my check. but i honestly am scared. severe health problems, elon musk trying to end social security payments, upcoming bills, either being bedridden in agony or slumped against the bathroom wall in agony, both keeping me from working, and then my check skipping pay day and no word yet on my rebate, im just really freaked out on how to pull this togther to pay bills, cover rent, and get my dogs food on top of renewing my support letters (not cheap) knowing so little

i dont know, any help would mean the world to me rn, i feel like the world is falling apart. id like to pay my last bill for the month, and i deeply, seriously appreciate any and all help as a disabled person in poverty

Paypal.me/kurgyy

venmo @ kurgy

cashapp $kurgyyy

[n0rmal-cat]

Normal, normal, it's me, ✨

I'm here to submit a request bc it's been eating at me, and I know you'll do it justice.

You know VNs (visual novels), right? The basis being, multiple people get their own little versions to play with the same character(s), choosing different choices that line up with them irl, an immersive experience for different people, stay with me, ik I sound crazy,

Okay so imagine this, a VN MC keeps going through the story and understands his life is looping, he also understands that, like, the player character keeps picking different options every so often and he'll make comments on that. Like if the player picks different sweets as like their favorite treat, he'll make little comments on that like "oh this time it strawberry" or "you know last time it was..." "will it be something else time" stuff like that. So he basically sees the player as either someone with amnesia or like a system/DID

Anyways, the true idea is, a player starting up the game for like a 3rd time and getting all confused about how the MC is reacting to them, maybe he goes off course,

Yandere visual novel protagonist x reader

[WHY WOULD YOU INTRUST ME WITH THIS GOOD IDEA IDK WHAT IM DOING HALF THE TIME, SO SORRY ✨ I DONT KNOW IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED, BECAUSE I GOT A LITTLE CONFUSED, IF NOT ILL WRITE ANOTHER ONE😭💀]

[also yes his name is #### because most protagonists don’t get names]

It wasn’t like everyday was the same, no god had given him the luxury of letting him live a full life only to restart them over…and over…and over.

“So #### what will it be, you can either study with me or sneak out so you can go to the party or it’s the drop out”

He didn’t know how many times he had been asked that stupid question. If he study with his ‘best friend’ he gains enough knowledge to pass the next test with flying colours and impress them.

But if he went to the party they would gain a reputation with the ‘bad boy’ and impress them instead.

He didn’t want to do either, they honestly just wanted to stay in his dorm and sleep for the night.

“I don’t think-I’m sorry I think I’m going to go out tonight” what was that, that was his voice wasn’t it but he didn’t say that.

“Alright I see how it is, you go have fun”

“Wait hold on i didn’t say that!-“ before he could finish his sentence he were already in a different scene.

“No I didn’t want this!”

“#### I’m so glad you came. I promise this won’t be a waste of time” they swooped their hair.

“God you again?” For the past three times he had been hanging out and living their life with this guy.

“Sorry man I think I’m just going to go home” he didn’t like this guy and never had, but the universe just loved to put them together he guessed.

“Did I choose the wrong option? I don’t remember this dialogue?” They snapped their head to the sky. What was that, ‘who’ was that.

You, they saw you. His chest twisted, his stomach felt like it was clasping on itself. Who were you? And what were you?

God? Was that what you were, were you the one setting him on loop over and over again, but why?

“Maybe I should look up the guide again?…did the game freeze? No no no! My progress!”

Game? That’s what this was wasn’t it you weren’t god and they weren’t a person were they. They felt their world go dark, literally in fact as they stared into the empty void.

They clenched and unclenched their hand a couple of times “haha….hahahAHAHAHA” how could they have been so stupid. Of course it was a game but then if they weren’t alive what were they? And if they felt alive could they die?

The world booted itself up again to the ‘first day’. “Damn we’re gonna have to start over again I guess, fifteen endings to go”

Only fifteen? And then what you’ll just leave them, their world never to be opened again left and forgotten. They couldn’t have that not when your were the only real person they had ever met, they didn’t want to constantly fall in love with the same cardboard cutout anymore.

A prompt pop up, “oh no I wake up late, and for my first day at college to, should I have breakfast and risk being late to class or skip breakfast and risk being hungry the rest of the day”

“I guess we’ll skip breakfast, I want to get Raphael out of the anyway”

Is this what it felt like to be controlled by you, was everything he did up to you? Oh god they were having a crisis.

“I actually would like breakfast, kinda want to think about my life right now I also wouldn’t like to start collage for the third time today”

There was an unsettling silence “huh..”

“Can we talk about my life over breakfast actually” they poured themselves a bowl of cereal.

Their world turned black again but when it came back on they were in the same spot. “Stop I literally just want to talk”

“Oh my god this is not happening to me, I’m in a creepypasta aren’t I?”

“What’s a creepypasta?

They got no response back, “so why do you want to get endings of my life, and also why are all the endings to my life me getting with different people, is there a bad ending can I die, have I died and I just don’t remember?” They ate their cereal.

“I’m just gonna” they shut the game off it seemed, #### turned it back on themselves.

“That’s very rude you know”

“How did you do that?!”

“Don’t really know, I’d like to know a lot of things actually, and it would be a help if you answered them”

“Are you gonna haunt me?”

They look up at the sky looking at the face looking back at them in fear.

“Yea…if you don’t play my game every day and talk to me I will haunt you” that will definitely work.

“You sound unsure?”

“And…?”

Reader eventually caves in continues to play, it’s actually pretty fun he gives them tips on how to answer certain questions so they don’t even have to look up a guide anymore.

He also stopped complaining when they turn off his game console now, oh but don’t worry that’s just because he’s infected your phone with his code your stuck with him forever <3

He just wants to talk please, please talk to him.

[pixel art because he’s a game…it just fits]

[lemonpils]

Obey Me! Hungry For You - Beelzebub x Reader N$FW

AN: idk i just really felt like writing and im head over heels for this big back :lipbite:

Summary: Bro is STARVING, for ur giggles and ur pleasure (teehee)

His stomach growled, so loud it echoed through his room. He hadn't ate in about fifteen minutes, and for Beel, that was too long of a gap without food. He sat up out of his bed, rubbing his aching stomach as he stared at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of his brother sleeping in the other bed.

Now hungry AND bored, he got up out of bed, taking a few steps towards Belphie's bed and nudging him. "Hey..." Beel whispered. Belphie groaned, his eyes fluttering open. "Huh-? What do you want... its so late..." The sleepy demon sighed. "M'hungry." Beel huffed, to which Belphie let out a tired giggle, "Then go get something to eat..." He responded. Thats the thing, Beel wanted to, he WAS hungry, but for some reason he wasn't really craving any of the normal food he'd usually eat. It was strange, it was almost like he had an insatiable hunger for something he didnt even knew existed.

"Mm, okay." Beel finally responded, quietly exiting the room as he patiently shut the door behind him. He wandered the halls for a few minutes, trying to figure out why he was feeling this way. He rubbed his stomach as it growled again, that hollow aching feeling only getting worse. He sighed, almost turning the corner to the kitchen when his nose picked up a smell. Something sweet, addictive almost.

"What...is that?" He said faintly.

He followed the smell, a confused look on his face when it lead him away from the kitchen, he followed it back up towards the bedrooms, a tint of pink hitting his cheeks as he realized where it was coming from.

Your room.

He tilted his head, pressing his head against your bedroom door as that sickly sweet smell bombarded his nose, causing him to almost sneeze. He assumed you were asleep, but there was no harm in knocking right?

Knock knock knock.

He heard your voice from the other side. "Come in!"

He opened the door, a small smile on his face as he saw your lovely self on the bed, you were only wearing a t-shirt and sleeping shorts, with a handful of creams on your bedside table. "What- are you doing?" He asked, seeing you rub some sort of lotion along your neck.

"Oh, this? Its moisturizer, I was about to head to bed so I thought I'd put some on. Makes my skin super smooth in the mornings, doesn't it smell nice?"

Oh, you had no idea.

"Yea, it does... Smells really nice." He said, taking a step closer.

"In fact, the reason I came up here was because I could smell it, I thought it was food." He admitted, to which you let out a giggle.

"Pfftaha! Really? Sorry Beel, you cant eat this stuff, I think you'll get sick." You smiled, holding the bottle of lotion up to your face so you could read the ingredients. As you were doing that, Beel made his way over and sat next to you, the smell was so concentrated that his head was getting fuzzy. You smelled- so good. "It smells so sweet though, how can it not be edible..?" Beel pouted, taking your hand in his and running his nose along your wrist. "Beel, I swear you cant, it'll probably taste funny." You chuckled, watching him take in your new sweet scent.

"Can I try?" He said softy, looking up at you for a moment. A tint of blush hit your cheeks. "..Try? Like, taste it?" You tilted you head, to which he nodded. "I mean, I guess, demons probably have better immune systems and-" As you went to grab the bottle of lotion, he spoke up. "--No, not from the bottle. I think... It'd taste better if I tried it while it was on you." A smile formed on his face, somewhat sweet, yet laced with something else.

Your cheeks began to burn, it was then you realized Beel had already pinned you down, gentle yet firm hands holding your wrists beside your head, his legs on either side of you. "Well, I um.." You said shyly, his hungry expression only making you more shy.

"Can I?" He asked, still being gentle. You smiled faintly, nodding.

He smiled back, leaning down, his mouth placing itself against your neck, his tongue swirling on your skin, the taste leaving a soapy yet unbelievably sweet film in his mouth. That hollow and empty pit in his stomach was now feeling much warmer. "You taste so good-"

"Beel!" You squealed, squirming gently as you scrunched up your shoulder. "What? Whats wrong?" He hunched back up immediately, his lips still wet from his own saliva. "It tickles..." You said sheepishly.

There was a sudden sensation in his stomach as you said that, it felt good. Like if he had just taken a bite of ice cream. "Oh." Was all he said as he leaned back down, hungry for more. "Wait! B-Beheheel!" His mouth returned back onto your neck, his tongue gliding along your skin. Your giggly laughter only cause his insides to warm up even more.

The taste of your skin, the sound of your laughter, that was it. Beel could feel himself growing more hungry for it as time passed, he let your wrists go as his hands shot down, gently digging into your sides. You yelped, your back arching as giggles practically flew from your mouth. "AhAH- nohoho! Beheheel!" You squealed, feeling his mouth work its way up to your ear, where he began sucking and licking along the rim of it. "So sweet..." He muttered, "Your laugh, your taste... let me have some more, please? Just for a bit, m'kay? Still hungry..." He mumbled in your ear, so faint you could barely hear it over your own giggles.

His hands travelled down to your hips, thumbs hooking right into the crooks as they massaged into your grooves, causing a new wave of laughter to emerge from your throat. "NAHAH-! Beheheheel! Ihih-! Ihihi cahahant..!" You pleaded, still scrunching up your shoulders from that damned tongue swirling around your ear. "You can, see..? You're doing it right now... I'm not done yet, still need to have dessert..." He said that as his knee pressed between you legs, causing your breath to hitch as you went back to laughing.

Finally his mouth moved from your ear, his teeth hooking onto your shirt as he growled, ripping it down the middle with those demonic canines of his. He ogled at your shirtless figure and your laughing teary eyed face, since your poor hips were still being destroyed by just his two thumbs. He watched as your tits bounced as you laughed, almost unaware that your shirt was off, until you felt his hot lips surrounding your right nipple, and the hands on your hips slowly stopping their torment. "B-Beel... Ah! Fuck..!" You moaned, shooting a wave of warmth through his once empty stomach.

"So... sweet..." He said between sucks, his tongue targeting the tip of your nipple as he flicked it. But it still wasn't enough, this was barely a snack to him, he needed a meal. His now free hands moved to your thighs, spreading him apart as he watched you gasp, his mouth still on your breast. You could feel a finger pushing the fabric of your shorts covering your now hot and aching mound to the side. The smell radiating off of you, from down there, it was killing him. He raised his head off of your breast, meeting you face to face as he stared down at your teary eyes.

"I'd like dessert now." He said with so much lust in his eyes you could've sworn this was Asmodeus.

You only nodded, which made him smile.

His tongue trailed down your chest, then down your stomach, causing you to giggle, getting a sweet chuckle out of him too. His teeth bit down on the waist band of your shorts, ripping it with ease as he tossed them to the side, his hands holding your hips down as your legs hung on his shoulders.

He stared at your mound, taking in that addictive scent, his hunger only building as he was practically drooling. You felt a gentle tongue swipe up between your lips, flicking against your clit. A shot of pleasure shooting through your body, to which he did it again, and again. It was almost like he was licking a lollypop, he did say this was dessert after all.

"Beel-! Haaa! I- fuck..!" You writhed in pleasure, the torturous licks driving you insane. As if he was reading your mind, you felt as his tongue plunged its way between your folds, letting the taste of you coat the inside of his mouth as his lips sucked away at your clit.

You cried out, attempting to arch your back but to no avail. That man had an iron grip on you at this point. "So... So fucking good..." He said between his sucks and kisses. His tongue swirled around inside you, you could feel it rubbing along your walls, then it'd be back on your clit, circling it and rubbing right on the tip. "Beel! Please..!" You moaned out as he continued to feast.

"Still hungry." Was all he said, you then felt those hands on your hips begin to massage in those hypersensitive crooks, causing you to break out into laughter as you moaned. "NAHAha! Beheheel! Fuhuck- noho! Nhh!" You begged, tears streaming down your face as his mouth made your stomach do backflips. But he just didn't stop, his mouth kept delving deeper into your folds as his thumbs drilled into your hips.

You moaned out as you pleaded once more. "Beel! I cahahant-! Im gohonna cum! Please!" Laughter mixed with your moans, the overstimulation was killing you, but you've never felt more alive. "Thats alright, cum, I need to taste more of you..." He mumbled with his head still pressed between your legs, you groaned as you felt the rush of warmth shoot out from your lips, coating his in the process. You could hear him slurping up all of it, licking it off your inner thighs.

"Gosh.. I.. wahAHaH! Nhh! BehHEheel!?" Another wave of laughter and moans emerged as his hands and mouth began once more. "Sorry, I'm still hungry." You could hear the sadistic tone in his voice.

He was going to savor every lick, every laugh, he was getting his fill tonight.

[unicyclehippo]

Bishova: alcohol

just a little shorty im writing instead of sleeping bc i don’t! like! storms! i don’t think I’ve quite got yelena’s vibe but it was fun to write. set in the same stories as the others

//

(21:48) jpg. attachment

(21:48) jpg. attachment

(21:49) jpg. attachment

when her phone buzzed fourteen times in one minute, that was when yelena knew she had made a mistake.

‘kate bishop, you are pushing my patience,’ she said to no one and the empty safe house.

snatching up the phone, she considered crushing it—they could part ways like that, easy, and she would not ever have to think about clint barton or kate bishop again—but it was the only burner phone she had and kate bishop was not the only message she was waiting for. plus, she liked the dog.

the first eight messages were all photos of said dog. it had snowed since they arrived at the barton farm and lucky wore booties on his paws. from the photos of his bizarre walk and tail tucked between his legs, yelena guessed the pizza dog didn’t like them.

the other six messages were not photos and they were not short. yelena groaned at the first wall of text but she had four hours until extraction and nothing else to provide diversion.

‘you are the lucky one, kate bishop,’ yelena told her, which would have sounded menacing if the girl were here but, since she was not, was just kind of sad.

(21:50) hey sorry about sending a dozen photos, i didnt really think about it first because lucky was just so cute but you feel like the kind of person who would get irritated by that sort of thing so i’ll keep it to a totally normal & very chill number of messages from now on! promise!!!! anyway i just wanted to say merry christmas, i don’t know if you celebrate because you said an awful lot about american christmas like it wasn’t super familiar and idk if russian (?) christmas is different but either way, i hope you have a rly nice day

(21:50) this is kate

(21:50) bishop

(21:50) fyi

(21:50) in case you didnt realise or save my number

(21:50) ok im done now i promise good night

yelena had to laugh. she swiped her thumb up the tiny dim screen of the flip phone, pressed it to the many exclamation points.

kate bishop.

what a surprise she had been.

what a surprise she remained.

yelena was not surprised at herself, for being intrigued by the girl. she was not much younger but she was so different and it was the itch, wasn’t it? the need to scratch at the persistent question. what would she have been like if the red room had not been?

yelena did not think she would be much like kate bishop. even as a little girl, she did not talk as much, share as much. kate bishop walked through the world without any shields, all soft eyes and soft skin. it made yelena’s skin crawl to be around it, still not sure the softness would not infect.

and yet. she went back. she had her answer but she went back to her. with alcohol, for the proper drowning of sorrows.

yelena cut her eyes across the horizon. the hills were silver under the moonlight and she would be able to see any vehicles or bodies long before they reached the house. she was sat on the empty table in the centre of the living room; it was the only piece of furniture and from her place she had a sightline out in every direction.

she had not expected such a night they spent drinking together. when the fourth shot hit kate’s system, she was very chatty. yelena learned much that she asked and more that she had not.

kate bishop was hiding something.

she learned that very quickly, and enjoyed trying to pluck it from the girl. to no avail. if she had more time, maybe, but kate did not handle alcohol well.

she would not have handled the red room well.

it hurt to think it, which was foolish. yelena was not there and she would never go back. it was gone, the men who ran it were dead.

it hurt to think it because the red room still sat in her head, still was tangled in everything she was, still soaked her hands, her history, her name. when she walked, she thought of it. when she talked, she thought of it. when she sat beside this girl, listing from griefs weight on her shoulders and drunkenness, yelena thought first that killing her would take no effort at all. kate bishop had a long, pretty neck and she could put a blade, a piece of glass, against her carotid and—red. she had done it before. to girls less soft.

taking her money was easy and more practical.

leaving her number was…not.

and now this.

yelena tapped a button to light up the screen. it did not get good quality photos, this phone, but the pizza dog was funny anyway.

(21:54) i will dispose of this phone tomorrow.

(22:00) yelena! hi! okay?? because i sent too many messages or??

(22:00) you are funny, kate bishop. and you talk so much.

(22:01) i know. sorry

(22:01) i am glad you were never assassin. it would be a shame to kill you. return safely to nyc.

(22:02) thanks. you too

(22:03) or wherever you’re headed

(22:03) which is……..?

yelena huffed a laugh. a brick of a car shouldered over the hillside and rattled down the long long road toward the house. she dropped the burner to the floor and hopped down from the table, crushing it beneath her boot.

[ganondoodle]

been trying to do some pixel art bc after putting another 60+ hours into stardew valley the want to make a stardew like game but *my* way is strong again ... but i keep getting hung up on thinking about game mechanics (screenshot at the bottom .. sorry for makign this so long again ..)

at some point i thought the whole minecraft aspect is probably impossible to add into a 2d pixel game and im better off to cut that idea out of my head and instead make a dedicated area in which you can build stuff more costumizable and make the rest a more static thing id built so the worlds have more character and theres less problems with NPC pathing (since i dont want you to be able to escape Eadryas wrath if you overstay your welcome by building yourself into a circle or collision boxes .... though they would destroy anything in their path to you either way.. still)

but then i still want you to be able to change the ground in your little area (or maybe multiple ... idk im still conflicted bc i like the idea of finding a place and building your lil hut there ... unless i make it so you can build a hut anywhere but change the ground tiles only in certain areas ... ) and build little ponds and stuff ... so im back to the minecraft in 2d problem

i keep getting into these thinking spirals bc i dont want to draw all those sprites if im gonna scrap it all again anyway

the main point with this little ...... well, lets call it fantasy bc im not confident this 'project' will fare any better than any of my other projects (im a never finished a single project and keeps being haunted by it kind of guy and i hate it)

- is that i want a 2d game somewhat similar to stardew but set in my original story world and focused on the environment and nature, not on earning money, an intricate weather system and no time limit on your day, the twist being you are an ex-demon hunter and are on probation to prove you really abandoned the cause, given shelter and a place to stay in the demon world within the protective bubbles around gates into the human realm (bc humans cannot live in the normal environment of the demon world- this is an already long established thing but works extremely well to limit the space you are able to go in a game without making the world feel tiny plus allows me to give you several different environment designs bc those are gates and bubbles in different parts of the demon world) your task being to help clean up the poisoned land the celestials had caused and repopulating these parts with plants etc. ... there is a tracker that lets you know how well or bad it is doing and if you only destroy instead of restore (like chopping down all trees without planting new ones) you will be given warnings until Eadrya shows up and kills you since you are clearly still working to destroy their lands after all

i still really like this idea but im really doubtful it will go anywhere since i am so slow, need to learn at least two complicated new things (coding, music making) and already have so many things i want to do but never really .. do, the task is just too daunting and it keeps me from just having fun drawing pixel art bc i cant stop (over)thinking about mechanics

(see this is what i mean my brain just cant stop, it just keeps going and it keeps making me spiral into these thinking loops that prevent me from actually doing anything )

this is the same file i have been randomly doodling sprites on since april (by far not the only one, but the current one of multiple sprite tests i keep updating or changing)

(i appreciate feedback or thoughts on this alot, its a little fantasy that i keep comign back to, all my attempts to throw it out of my head in hopes of clearing up some space have failed no matter how little hope i have of making it a reality ..)

[a-griffin-in-the-sky]

Hi! I'm the anon of transsexualism in your other account, I forgot there has been something bothering me a lot these days... I was going to send this in the terf chan account but this is more of a serious topic. The Queer community has gone insane... have you took a look at the tags radqueer, propara and transharmful? People make gender identities based on trauma, race, nationality, etc... and now a lot of them want to normalize pedophilia and other stuff. It is concerning when you realize how all of this community happens to be mostly transgender children but there's a big amount of adults as well.

I don't know if you knew the case of Ezra, a TIF who made a social media where paraphiles could interact, both adults and minors. The site didn't had any moderation and a lot of minors and adults interacted about sexual stuff.

I don't have the doc, but this account used to archive some pedos cases.

https://www.tumblr.com/critterkiddo?source=share

It is so depressing... Why are we forced to share community with this people?

I'm so sorry, there is a saying I use.

Sometimes when the infection has spread you have the cut the hand off.Other wise you are going to get sepsis and die.

Like would you rather keep the infected hand and have the rot spread to the rest of you, or would you rather cut the hand off.

Maybe if people caught the infection early on they wouldn't have to cut it off. But has it passed the point of no return?

Men are the infection they completely take over any and all movements to further there agenda cause they need to feel special.

I think the only thing you can do is make female only spaces for transmen and keep males away, eventually the bugs in the bucket will start eatting eachother.

For me, the infection was my boss like was i gonna stay and keep rotting? keep going down that path of stress, panic attacks, IBS flare-ups, anxiety attacks that made me dissociate so hard i forgot what year it was?or was i gonna cut it off.

luckily for me, i don’t think i had to cut the whole hand off.

so for the trans community real question.

are you gonna keep letting AMABs warp a community that could’ve been such a powerful support system for people dealing with real, painful body dysphoria?

or are you just gonna let it keep sliding into this weird fetishized mess where anyone can claim a label without doing any of the work, without respecting boundaries, and without caring about the damage it’s doing?

i think it’s already left a bad mark on the LGBT community. people notice when safe spaces stop feeling safe. when "inclusivity" means letting predators in and silencing women for speaking up.

you need to gatekeep.

gatekeeping isn’t evil it’s protection.

You need to kick out the people who mock womanhood, who turn dysphoria into a kink, who use identity as a shield for abusive behavior.

again i’m just an ally. i’m straight.

i could wake up tomorrow and say “i’m agender now” because i think gender is dumb and made-up and means nothing.

but guess what? that wouldn’t suddenly make me not oppressed cause I was born a women, a lable wouldn’t rewrite my life.

anywayyy here’s my ko-fi link if you wanna help a woman out im still broke, still loud and still telling the truth on main every little bit helps me keep writing, eating, and being a thorn in the side of weird internet men.

[horanghaeluvsinniehae]

SKZ!BFF DRUNKLY CONFESSING PT.2 pt.1

||BANG CHAN||LEE MINHO||SEO CHANGBIN||HWANG HYUNJIN||HAN JISUNG||LEE FELIX||KIM SEUNGMIN||YANG JEONGIN||

Disclaimer:im completely whipped for this man im sorry😔 also big author’s note at the end but read it please!:(

Last night’s incident was still replaying itself in your head. The thought that Jeongin THE Jeongin likes you was just unimaginable to you.

When you moved to Seoul, away from your friends who were your support system, you felt lost. Then somehow you found yourself getting to know a friend group with 8 boys, one of them being Innie. He instantly stood out for you and you slowly became a part of them too.

When you first realised you’ve developed feeling for Jeongin, you immediately denied them in your head and just threw those feelings to the corners of your mind.

After a while the feelings climbed up on you again and the second time you couldn’t shove your feelings away, you had to face reality. You knew you wouldn't be able to confess to him so you just tried to enjoy the scenarios that you came up with. But none of the scenarios contained him confessing to you while being wasted.

His texts were good to read but are too good to be true…You just told yourself that he’s drunk and is talking completely nonsense that he’s not aware of.

But there was the smallest bit of hope in you that wanted it to be true. So when his caller ID showed up on your screen you were secretly hoping that he wants to tell you he likes you and not that it’s a mistake and you should just forget it.

After anxiously pressing the green button, you put the phone to your ear.

“Y/nah, are you there?” Jeongin’s voice was unsure and not loud like he normally is. “Yeah Innie, I’m here!” You answered and sounded just as nervous as he did, if not more. There was a bit of a silence that scared you a bit, but then he broke the ice.

“I’m just gonna get to my point y/nah…”-he took a deep breath and you did too-“I'm sorry for last night and i'm sorry if i caused trouble with the texts, but i have to admit that i meant them all…I do like you y/n, a lot to be fair and I know this is not a good confession and I’m sorry it turned out this way. This wasn’t my plan at all, but I guess it is what it is…” His voice faded away and you were shocked. He actually likes you?? You didn’t want to believe it.

“Wait Jeonginah are you being serious?” You asked him in complete disbelief. “I do, I’m sorry I-“ “Jeongin don’t you dare apologise to me! You know how happy I am to know that my long-time crush likes me back!!” You interrupted him.“I’m just in shock, but I’m very very very happy Innie-“ “Gosh Y/n-ah i'm so glad you feel the same way, gosh i was so scared you’d freak out or just hate me” he interrupted you this time. “Oh no Iyenah, I can’t even explain how happy I am” you told him excitedly and you died inside when you heard him giggling on the other side of the line. You smiled to yourself at the sound.

“Y/nah can you maybe pretty please come to the company tomorrow during my lunch break so we can meet up and…maybe have our first date?” He asked excitedly and loudly, your usual Innie was back now.“Oh my god I’d absolutely love to!!” You told him, already freaking out. “Yessss” he cheered and you smiled at him fondly.“Then see you tomorrow at 2pm at the company lobby?” He asked cheekily. You laughed at the sudden change in his tone. “Yes, Innie, see you then. “See you baby!” And as soon as he dropped that pet name on you he ended the call leaving you very flustered, but also super giddy, already daydreaming about tomorrow.

A/n: wow I finished this series! I enjoyed it and i hope you enjoyed it too!<3 thank you for liking my work and reading it! Your feedbacks are always welcomed! Im gonna work on requests now!!(ive got two and i like them a lot so im excited to work on them!<33

Also guys i have a skz!predebut x 9th gn!member series (just two parts) and i dont know if i should continue it or no so

If anyone has any request idea’s they’re very welcomed!! I basically have no idea what to write but i do want to write!!😭 so i need you guys to suggest me something please! Here’s my requesting guideline so you know how to and what to request!&lt;3

Please take care of yourself and be safe!🫂❤️‍🩹

Taglist: @justwonder113 (comment or write in requests if you want to be added!)

[katetorias]

Hi :D

Sorry for the anon ask, I'm too shy to ask on your Instagram story whenever you do a qna. I've been wondering what it feels like to be (part of) a system. I can't quite imagine what that must be like and I'm just super curious about it

One of my most burning questions has been: how does it feel to just come into existence as a new alter? You said that Prom is still a fairly new addition and I honestly can't imagine what that must feel like and how someone wouldn't know they were a system after that.

Also how does it feel to be an alter that isn't the host? Does it feel shitty to not be out as much and to be considered "somebody's alter" instead of their own person?

Feel free to ignore this if you're uncomfortable with it. Also love your art of you and your fiancé, so cute!!

since systems are formed due to the unique trauma the specific system went through, we can only really talk on our experiences. since people react to trauma differently, systems (an extreme trauma response), all form differently and have different ways they fit into the diagnostic criteria for these disorders.

im going to answer your question in a long format below^^

• for context: we are bodily 22, and we've been receiving psych care since we were around 11/12. our therapeutic progress has always been stagnant because after we left the situation we were in, we had almost completely blocked out everything that happened. so we had nothing to tell our therapists and we didn't feel comfortable talking with them. we were often dissociated and would just answer questions shortly while staring at the ground instead of engaging.

because of our lack of progress/seeming lack of effort, our mom stopped taking us to therapy and psychiatrist appointments. she thought it was a waste of time and probably saw our mental illness as misbehaving/not caring enough to try to be happy. this kept us from having proper psych care for years. we would occasionally get called to the counselor's office in school and at some point we had to start missing school for therapy again. college had us losing that support and flunking out because of the dissociation/suicidality. we only finally got access to meds after i had to go outpatient, and we've been with our therapist since.

• how we didn’t notice: due to this we had no knowledge that our experiences weren't normal. our mental health has been neglected for years and we had no way of knowing what was happening with us because we had no basis as to understand. we have a gap in our memory from a little after we left our situation to early high school. our friend always says we knew each other in middle school and talked, but we don't remember enough of those years. amnesia can show up in a lot of different ways. we've only experienced two noticeable black outs, the rest is gradual. not remembering things soon after they happened, being told we said things we didn't remember saying, being unable to describe important events in our lives, vaguely knowing what happened but not remembering the experience.

• on forming: When I (Prompto) formed, we had just flunked out of college and were forced to start working. Me and my fiancé were just starting our relationship and were playing my source. My source was a fat child who experienced bullying and parental neglect, being left alone and friendless for years, feeling like he has to change his weight to be liked. We really couldn't handle having a job. we were clinging and desperately coping by consuming my source. Eventually I started feeling like I was confusing things that happened in game with things that happened to me, and my real life memories from years, or even just months before didn't feel familiar. This was frightening, I would cry to Noctis about how I was feeling, how I couldn't remember anything before our road trip (event in source). But we didn't have any resources to explain, I thought I was being weird and childish.

Because of the stress of this job we had, I would spend most of our time in a heightened state, anxious or dreading the next days. Jack (who formed in our childhood to take care of us and our little brother when we’d be left alone) started resurfacing again after being gone for years. Our brain was trying to protect us, but I didn’t understand why I suddenly felt different. Sometimes it felt like I would just leave. I started being told that I was saying things I didn’t agree with again. Jack felt miserable trying to force himself to be me. This conflict and pain was the reason we ended up outpatient, and a few months after came to terms with the fact that we were a system.

• on what it’s like to not be the host: for us we don’t really refer to ourselves as “someone’s” alters since we don’t really have a collective identity (discounting the body we act like). I’ve been making an effort to accommodate everyone, and make sure we get the time we want in the body or just have things that are our own. (Making space for their things/interests. Setting times for specific people to have a chance to front)

This is Nathan’s perspective since he’s been fronting more often lately:

- I actually used to hate being an alter. i felt frustrated that I got torn away from my shitty life to just be part of someone else’s. I didn’t want to exist in the system at all. our body isn’t mine. im skinny and im covered in healing SH scars, and im not hairy and i have short hair, im cis. i used to hate fronting. I would actively wish i could just disappear. it didn’t seem like me being around was helping anyone. dissociation sucked and I would pick fights with our fiancé. im pretty much the only one of us who gets full flashbacks, and i fucking hate looking at stuff for my source online because everyone hates me. or ignores the story to justify hating me instead of just. hating me for what’s actually in source.

we talked with our therapist and eventually i started coming to therapy and she treated me like my own person. she made sure to create a distinction between my feelings about something and Prompto’s. she told me to create a thing i could do instead of be angry which is why i would usually front. Prompto put a lot of effort into making me feel comfortable. it’s like pri could tell how sensitive I actually am. pri designated a corner of our apartment to me and got me decorations pri thought i would like. i got to make my own instagram. It felt good to be myself. when i wasnt forcing myself to be prompto i felt more content. the more i could express myself as a person the easier it was to communicate with the system, i struggled less with memory and i think were less dissociated now than ever because prompto made such an effort to acknoledge us as our own selves.

sorry for the long answer but you asked so not sorry I guess lol. prompto probably had a better closing statement but I don’t really give a fuck. thx for the question

[nerves-nebula]

People also just make their atheists mcs so boring, as someone who had gone through a fucked up crisis of faith during my teen years I can say with certainly it was not a purely logical thing but a combination of a bunch of factors and a lot for weird emotions, like my relationship with grief, luck, and what it means to be a "deviant". Like guys just make your atheists just as weird as your religious folk, atheists aren't some magically more knowledgeable and logical beings, I dont believe a good god can exist yet I still rant to god/universe sometimes, I also believe in free will but I also sometimes worry that fate itself is conspiring against me, I belive in living for yourself but I still loosely follow some teachings I grew up with (mostly the ones about remembering those poorer from you exist and that you shouldn't waste food, and that you shouldnt do harmful things unless its strictlynecessaryto protect yourself)

(Then again I think the reason so many atheist mcs are so boring to me is because almost all of them come from a white atheist former Christian perspective, while I grew up shia muslim and identify as agonists rather than strictly atheist, so my maybe I just got bored from seeing the same perspective over and over)

nah i get that cuz like even tho i guess im technically athiest or agnostic too (used to ID as agnostic but now i dont ID as anything cuz i feel like those imply a history with belief that i just Don't Have lol. i think for a long time it was just "how tf would i know" and that was that) and athiest characters can be so bizarre to me cuz like. i was raised catholic but i literally didnt ever believe in it cuz it didn't make sense to me. but i thought of it as like, a cool cultural thing i guess?? and I didn't really realize people were serious until i was like 11 lmao. and even then i grew outta that smarmy athiest shit when i was like 14 fasdfdsfasdf

but a lotta athiest characters used to believe and then stopped at some point and its like.. is that why they can't be normal about it? do they have any spirituality or wonder or are they full time committed to The Bit? idk. its weird.

i mean part of the reason im trying to world build so much for hanheppi people is that i just don't grok religion. reading from the perspectives of other religious people kind of broadened my horizons but i just dont really get it and idk how to have my questions answered without it sounding like im taking the piss or smth lol. so im just doing more research but like. REALLY slowly.

really slowly because i keep getting caught up in world building things that i do understand better, like hierarchy and city planning and the gender system :p

im supposed to be doing my final on Hanheppi faith and I straight up still do not really get religion. BTW if you're reading this and are religious, or weren't and converted, or you used to be, can u let me know what the fuck is up I am DYING to understand cuz I have, like, a genuine appreciation for the spiritual. I fuck with an adoration of nature and the world around you and big overwhelming emotions, i just can't connect that shit to religion.

honestly there's almost TOO many books about it. It's hard for me to figure out which of these millions of religious books to read because there are so many, with insane biases and history im not aware of, and i have no idea which ones will give me the insight I'll need to Really Lock In.

I understand a lot of surface level ideas about being religious but when people describe it to me what I don't really get is how all of that then transfers into you going "and so that's why i've converted to Buddhism" or something. like what makes it all funnel into the choice of one specific religion rather than another.

ok sorry this ask got away from me. point is: yeagh

[zazima]

im rusty. so rusty. and also extremely late for christmas. i may as well have waited 350 days until the holidays came around again, but im trying to write more this year, so hear you go? eek im nervous. please pardon any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. enjoy! also tumblr doesn't seem to have line breaks so sorry if any time jumps are confusing.

also a warning for language and mentions of wanting to step in front of a bus as an extreme response to being embarrassed. i swear this is all fluff otherwise.

Harry doesn't know what to get Sirius for Christmas.

Well, to clarify, Harry doesn't know if he can get Sirius anything adequately worth a damn. Because how can a game (magical or not) or piece of art or trinket or any sort of anything say hey Merry Christmas and by the way, thanks for saving me from my horrible abusive household where I lived in a cupboard and for wrangling a fucked up wizarding judicial system so that it both exonerates you from a murder you didn't commit and lets you adopt a kid you only properly met six months ago.

Harry would also like the gift (if he ever manages to find something) to say also thank you for giving me my own bedroom and for making pancakes every Saturday morning and for letting me visit my friends and for playing two-man Quidditch with me and for ruffling my hair and for always letting me pick the film that we watch and for telling me stories about my parents and for always being just enough and for not pushing me when I have nothing to say and for calling me by my name instead of shouting boy angrily-

Harry figures that he should cut himself off there. Any more gratitudes and the gift will literally be impossible to find, lest it be the size of Hogwarts in an effort to cram any and all unspoken messages Harry doesn't have the courage to voice out loud.

So Harry does what he usually does in a sticky situation. He turns to his friends.

No clue mate, Ron writes. I normally get Mum perfume and Dad whatever Muggle trinket he's been obsessing over. So unless Sirius wants a rubber duck, I probably won't be much help. But you could probably give him one and he'd be ecstatic. You're pretty much his favorite person right now.

Ah bloody hell. Do you think I should get Sirius something as a thanks for Pig?

Even though he's sure Ron's right (although Padfoot might enjoy a rubber duck more than Sirius), Harry doesn't have time to add Ron's own gift conundrum to his list of problems, so he turns to Hermione, who ends up being a bit more helpful.

I know you said that Sirius was interested in curse-breaking and how it can be used to help with cleaning up Grimmauld Place, so maybe something pertaining to that? A book or starter kit? Or perhaps something a bit more personal, something he couldn't just buy in a shop. Don't worry too much, Harry. He'll love whatever it is you give him because it's you.

Harry disregards the book suggestion immediately. Sirius does read; over the holiday break the two of them have taken to sitting quietly on opposite sides of the couch in the sitting room, reading books from the Black family library and munching on the latest treat Mrs. Weasley has sent them while flames blaze in the fireplace, only breaking the peaceful quiet occasionally to share whatever interesting passage has just been read. But Harry doesn't want to give a present that reminds Sirius of the exhausting work they do every day trying to make Grimmauld Place a habitable home.

Hermione's other suggestion, however, gets Harry thinking. Something he couldn't just buy in a shop. That obviously eliminates all of the last-resort items Harry had on his mental list, as they were dumb things he had planned to frantically order by mail once he gave up on the idea of finding something good enough for Sirius. But it also opens up a new idea, something that Harry himself had appreciated when he had received it a few years ago.

He begins firing off letters and mail-in order forms with an efficiency Hermione would admire. The owls return in quick fashion, up to three or four a day. Sirius doesn't notice anything at first, but when Hedwig taps on the kitchen window for the second time that day during breakfast, he gets up and lets her in with a raised eyebrow at Harry.

"Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment?" he asks, somewhat incredulously, peering at the label on the package. "Harry, love, you know we can just go to Diagon Alley whenever you'd like. No need to rely on owl post if you're running low on supplies."

Harry flushes and snatches the small, soft package from Hedwig, stuffing it under his armpit and looking determinedly at his porridge. He hopes he doesn't have ACTUALLY IT'S PART OF YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT written all over his face.

"It's fine," he shrugs, aiming for casual nonchalance with his tone. "It's just a small thing. No point in going all the way down to Diagon Alley. Besides, the crowds would drive you crazy. They'd probably give you a concussion trying to get a picture."

Sirius grimaces, probably thinking of their last attempt to go for an ice cream at Fortescue's shortly before Harry had left for the fall term. They'd returned to Grimmauld Place ice cream-less and with a giant tear down the front of Harry's robes.

"Nothing a Glamour Charm wouldn't fix," he responds, grabbing his own empty bowl and bringing it to the sink. "Anyway, it's not fair for us to be shut up in this damned house because some people can't behave themselves in public. You just let me know whenever you want to go out, alright? I promise I won't breathe down your neck while you look at potions ingredients and whatnot. Even if they all suspiciously happen to be ingredients for an Enlarging Potion."

He manages to ruffle Harry's hair before the boy squawks out a "Sirius!" and darts out the kitchen, cackling in response to Harry's sputtered "I'm not... I wouldn't... SIRIUS!"

As Christmas approaches, Harry begins to stay up later and later into the night, working frantically to finish Sirius' present. One late night (or early morning, really), he hears a gentle knock on his door. He jumps and shoves the half completed project under his comforter.

"Come in!"

Sirius peeks his head through the cracked open door. "Are you alright? I was getting a glass of water and noticed your light was still on."

Harry nods, trying to convey a casualness he doesn't feel beneath the stress of wanting to have the present ready by Christmas morning. "Yes. Fine. I was just... reading." He reaches for his nightstand and holds up the latest book he's knicked from the Black family library for this exact purpose.

Sirius raises an eyebrow. "You sure? I've read that one before. Couldn't last more than thirty seconds at a time without falling asleep."

Harry glances at the cover. He hasn't even cracked it open yet. "It's actually quite interesting. I've always been fascinated by... the evolution of wizarding legalese from 1500 to 1800." He internally winces as the subject matter is finally made apparent to his sleep-deprived brain.

Sirius pauses, clearly sensing that something's up. He must decide that now's not the time to probe further because he says, "Alright. You're stronger than me, then. Let me know if you need anything though." He begins to retreat and close the bedroom door but stops right before he actually does. "I forgot, " he murmurs, opening the door wide and stepping fully into Harry's bedroom. He approaches Harry where he's sitting on his bed. Harry tries to discretely shove the half-finished present further under the covers. "You had a letter downstairs. We must have missed it earlier. I only saw it when I was getting water." He hands over a rather thick envelope to Harry, who flips it over, notes the name of the sender, and smiles, relieved.

Sirius lets out a small puff of air, and Harry looks up at the sound. Sirius pastes on a rather strained smile. "Do you often write to Mrs. Weasley?"

Harry's brain scrambles for a response. "Erm. Not really."

He doesn't say anything else, unsure how to explain away the situation convincingly. A rather awkward silence settles between them. Sirius looks as if he's summoning the courage to say something.

Sirius takes a deep breath. "I'm here if you ever want to talk, Harry. I know the Weasley's have always been great to you, and I never want to feel like you're getting that taken away. But, I just want you to know that I'm also here, in addition to them. For anything. No questions asked or judgement cast. Alright?"

The letter slips out of Harry's grip, as he frantically waves his hands in front of him, desperate to correct Sirius' perception of the situation. "Oh, no, Sirius, I know! I swear it. We were just... planning Ron's birthday present this year. They wanted to throw him a party." The fib comes easily.

Sirius visibly relaxes. "Oh. Ron's birthday's not until April though."

"Yes," Harry's brain scrambles for an explanation. "But you know how Mrs. Weasley is. Always trying to stay ahead. She's already starting to plan the menu. Fretting between bacon sandwiches or chicken legs for the main course."

Sirius shakes his head, a genuine smile starting to form on his face. "Well you know my vote is always for chicken legs. Assuming I'm invited of course."

"You know you're always invited. Mrs. Weasley always wants an opportunity to make sure you're feeding me properly," Harry rolls his eyes. "And Ron thinks you're pretty cool too. Even though you broke his leg."

Sirius gives him a mock scowl. "Hey now! I wasn't in my right mind that night. And I gave him an owl to make up for it! Even though I was probably doing myself more of a favor than him. That damned owl was driving me mad."

Harry giggles, and Sirius' smile grows wider at the sound. He lets out a dramatic sigh and leans over to ruffle Harry's hair, ignoring the sounds of protest that come in response to the action.

"Alright then, love. I'm off to bed. Shout if you need anything, and I'll be here in faster than you can say chicken legs. You hear me?"

Harry nods. "Yes sir."

Sirius scowls for real this time. "None of that now, remember?"

Harry nods again, this time rather sheepishly. Sirius bends over to kiss his forehead before heading out of the bedroom, shouting a "Good night!" over his shoulder before he closes the door behind him.

Harry sighs in relief, pulls the present out from underneath the comforter, tears open Mrs. Weasley's letter, and gets back to work.

The morning of the 25th is bright and cold.

Harry is a ball of nerves as the breakfast plates get cleared away and the two of them prepare to go to the sitting room to open presents. Padfoot had barged into Harry's room at half past seven, barking loudly and leaping onto the bed, nearly giving Harry a heart attack in the process. He'd only finished Sirius' present in the wee hours of the morning and had barely managed to shove it into his desk drawer before he'd fallen asleep.

Sirius had dragged Harry into the kitchen for special Christmas chocolate chip pancakes and hot chocolate but had only allowed Harry to start eating once he agreed to don a ridiculously oversized Santa hat that matched the one Sirius had on his own head.

"If I'd known you liked Christmas so much, I'd have taken you to the Muggle mall to get a picture with Santa," Harry grumbles only half-heartedly as he watches the milk heat up on the hob. Sirius was adamant about making hot chocolate the old-fashioned way.

Sirius laughs loudly and hooks his arm around Harry's neck, pulling him close and planting a kiss on his forehead with a loud smack. "It's our first Christmas together, kiddo! First of many. You can get past your anti-morning attitude for that, can't you?"

"I gueeeeeeees," Harry mock-whines, drawing out the word as he adds the chopped chocolate to the steaming milk. He's secretly pleased that Sirius seems to somewhat enjoy his company. It shows he's not such a terrible charge.

"Thank you for your sacrifice," Sirius states dramatically. He gives Harry one last squeeze before releasing him. "Now come on, let's get to presents. I call going first!" He darts off to the sitting room where, overnight, a large pile of presents has piled in front of the eight-foot tall tree Sirius had dragged home one afternoon (with lots of swearing).

Harry gulps nervously as he pours hot chocolate into two mugs and tops them both with a handful of marshmallows. His hands are slightly shaking as he brings them both to the sitting room. Sirius is poking around the heap of gifts as he enters the room, and Harry spots the hastily wrapped, lumpy package he completed only a few hours ago.

Please like it, please like it, please like it, he silently begs as he sets the mugs on the coffee table. The sight of the gift is almost nauseating, and he keeps his eyes fixed on the hot chocolate.

Sirius turns at the sound to spot Harry and grins. "Alrighty, kiddo, what do you want to unwrap first? I did go a bit overboard this year, you'll have to forgive me. But there's plenty here from your friends!" He's practically vibrating with excitement.

Harry straightens his back and clears his throat. "Actually, do you mind if you do the opening first?"

Sirius pauses. "Are you sure? I swear mine are quite good."

Harry nods vigorously. "Yes. You can start with mine. It's right on top. The green wrapping." Let's just get this over with, he thinks.

Sirius picks up the package and shakes it gently. It makes no noise, and Harry can't help but let out a chuckle despite the knots in his stomach. Sirius grins at him and begins to carefully unwrap the gift.

Harry's legs suddenly feel like treacle tart filling. He lowers himself onto the couch so he doesn't pass out.

The wrapper paper gently falls to the ground, revealing a mound of knit material. Sirius unravels the pile to reveal a rather lumpy, oversized navy blue sweater with a slightly misshapen black dog woven onto the front.

Sirius doesn't say anything.

Harry's heart drops to his stomach. He opens his mouth, desperate to explain away the situation. "It's uh... it's... erm... it's a sweater? I made it?" As if that wasn't fucking obvious, he internally snarls at himself. He shakes his head, trying to organize his thoughts. "Yes, I, um, I made it. That's uh... that's Padfoot. On the front of it. I knitted it."

Sirius doesn't say anything.

Harry's words start coming out faster and faster, hoping something comes out that remedies this clusterfuck of an event. "Mrs. Weasley helped me. She sent me instructions. And the patterns? That 's why she was sending me so many letters. I didn't know how to do it. They aren't throwing a party for Ron."

Sirius still doesn't say anything.

Oh fuck! Harry thinks wildly. He's probably livid I lied. Oh fuck fuck fuck. "I'm sorry I lied to you! I just wanted it to be a surprise," he manages to get out. "That's why I was ordering so much through owl post. I had to get the yarn and the needles. And I kept having to order more yarn because I kept getting frustrated and messing up a lot. I didn't want you to know. Until now, that is. Obviously."

Sirius. Still. Doesn't. Say. Anything.

Harry wants to crawl into a hole and die. But for some stupid, idiotic reason, he keeps speaking. "I wasn't sure if you'd like the color? I actually realized that I don't know what your favorite color is. But whenever Mrs. Weasley makes one for me or for the Weasley kids, she usually does our favorite color. Or house colors. But I figured you have lots of things in Gryffindor colors? Like your wand holster. And then I noticed that you wear a lot of navy. So I thought that might be nice."

If Sirius doesn't say anything, Harry just might call the Knight Bus so he can step in front of it. He decides to get everything off of his chest before he has to do so.

"Mrs... uh... Mrs. Weasley made me one," he explains softly. "My first year. And every year after that. It means a lot to me. I think it was probably the first gift I ever got. And it kind of made me feel like part of their family? A little bit at least. So... so I wanted to give you one. Not from her, of course. But from me. So you could feel like a part of... our family?" His sentence embarrassingly ends like a question, so he hastily tacks on, "If you want to, of course."

Sirius finally moves, and Harry shuts his mouth. He gently sets the sweater down on the armchair next to him, walks over to where Harry is sitting, and pulls him up into the tightest, fiercest hug Harry has ever experienced.

Neither say anything for a few moments. Until Harry can't deal with not being able to breathe and squeaks out, "Uh? Sirius? I can't really inhale."

Sirius releases him quickly and takes a step back. "Sorry."

Harry feels awkward again. He clears his throat, hoping to fill the silence with something. "I hope you like it. But I know it's not done very well. So I can take it apart if you'd rather that. The shop said they'd take the yarn back as long as it wasn't too worn."

Sirius' head snaps up. "What? Harry, my love, I don't not like it. I love it."

Harry's mouth goes dry. "What?"

Sirius gives him a small smile. His eyes look suspiciously glassy. "Harry. You made this for me. You made this for me! It's my favorite color, and it's got me on it! Of course I love it. Not just because you took the time and the effort to make something for me. Because, my goodness, how do you even start with something like this? It must have taken you ages. But also because, well, you said it yourself. I mean, I already felt like part of the same family with the whole adoption bit and knowing you since you were a baby and whatnot, but it's always nice to know you feel the same. And I'm so honored to be a part of your family. Always will be. You have to know that, alright?" Sirius presses their foreheads together. "Alright?"

Harry nods, feeling a little something catch in his throat. He nods.

"Thank you for my gift," Sirius says softly. "I love it. No talk about talking it apart. I'll be proper mad if you do, you hear me?"

Harry nods again. Sirius releases him. He grabs the sweater from the armchair and pulls it over his head. The hem is uneven and the dog looks more like a cat once the sweater settles on his body, but Sirius only looks down at it and grins.

"Now come on, it's your turn to open presents. I don't think any of mine are as good as a handmade sweater, but I hope you like them anyway. And that's got me thinking, we ought to do a Christmas card no? Especially now that I've got a nice sweater on. Mrs. Weasley might tear up at the sight of a photo of the two us. Come on, come on, pick a present."

Harry rolls his eyes without any real heat behind the action. And he doesn't say anything later when he feels a burst of pride when he sees the photo they take in front of the Christmas tree that afternoon, Sirius wearing the sweater with the biggest, proudest smile Harry has ever seen.

He just bottles the feeling and hopes to remember it forever.

[herobrinna]

holy, i never wanna draw organs ever again, too much bullshit, why did my stupid autistic ass decide to do my current uni project on troll biology 💀

i know no one cares, but i will now ramble about my hc:

so first off, i gave the mothergrub regular candycorn horns, rather than the white ones seen in canon to make them more consistent, like clearly part of the same species. additionally, they have patches of hair/fur (whatever u wanna classify it as) in similar spots as moths do, generally my trolls are very heavily based off of moths and ants.

as you can see, their spine doesnt fully extend, this is as, the clade of animals that trolls are part off, evolved inner skeletons many million sweeps after their exoskeletons/chitin, whatever u call it, thus many animals of their clade have partial inner skeletons, only developing whatever bones nature deemed most important (if i ever get to drawing actual troll trolls, u will see they do not have a tailbone as why would a species that never had tails have one).

all trolls (as in, the mothergrubs, drones and troll-trolls) have 2 stomachs, the first digests regular foodstuff, and the second digests anything harsh, such as bones, in fact, as troll arnt mammals and as such cant drink milk, their main source of calcium is from eating bones. lol, imagine their version of humus, or similar dip is just flavoured ground down bones.

all trolls also have the respiratory system separate from their digestive throat, whatever thats called again, having a single muscle that allows some air out through their mouth in use for speech (with a sorta air sack right before it thats there to only keep air used for talking, hope that makes sense? sorry im so bad a explaining) but besides that, their respiratory system is one way only, having an exit hole as the edge of the actual lungs, said exit hole has muscles that a troll can manipulate, creating an additional set of sounds that their throat cant produce, spoken language is created by combining throat and side holes sounds, additionally, the side holes are the things that let trolls purr, caused by involuntary reactions from any, like thing that brings joy/happiness, making the muscles there twitch, so with every exhale a purr is produced.

back to the mothergrub specifically; you can spot that the placement of the anus and vaginal opening are swapped, this is something exclusing to mothergrubs (so trolls and drones still have normal placements of bottom bits) and is like that to reduce the chances of faecal matter getting on the eggs, especially as troll/drone eggs do not have proper shells, but rather have a thick membrane.

ok lords, i think i had enough rambling.

[faeyun]

your post on perfectionism is so relatable fr

the impostor syndrome is also real cause my most “famous” fic isn’t actually my favourite whilst i made a fic with the same member and the one i’m proud of because it removes my writer’s block. and yet, it isn’t as successful…

i guess, it does take time to navigate that because i’m in my 4th year now here and i still struggle with that time to time. my mindset have changed a lot with fic writing that i mostly make fics for me to read again one day (which i’ve been doing before sending you this ask), especially since my writing usually involves my fav niche things that i do think doesn’t really overlap with the fandom of the group i write for (dnd, other music genre, etc), hence why i don’t open my inbox for request / thoughts

and also, to be completely honest: i have also compared my writings with yours and i have an inherent jealousy towards you and your mutuals and how you can talk to each about fics. i just realised that i don’t have a strong support system here anymore and many times, it’s one of the reasons why i might leave tumblr if i don’t have any desire to write anymore.

i thanked you for actually making a safe place for me to open up (even though your followers will now know my dirty laundry as well). but i just wanna let you know that what you’re feeling is normal and you might be more privileged than you realised 👍

omg hi hi lissie!!! i’m so so sorry it took me so long to get to this ask (>人<) but thank you so much for sending it in!! ♡♡

im so happy that it was relatable!! i honestly think that a lot more writers on here especially should talk about it because it truly is such a real thing! and i know that so many writers other than myself also struggle with it and i don’t want them to think that they’re all alone in their struggles.. :(( but yes!! i’ve been trying to write more fics for me and ones that i’d like to go back and read myself, because i found that on my old blog i wasn’t doing that and i felt like just a robot pushing out content that i wasn’t happy with and that barely got any feedback as it is… it is really hard to switch to that mindset of writing for yourself instead of writing for others because tumblr is SUCH a notes game. every time you post on here you wonder if it’s gonna flop or not and then when you promote your works (because you HAVE to promote them yourself, tumblr won’t do jack shit) people get mad at you for it?? they get mad at writers asking for feedback and for reblogs because it’s truly what keeps the writers writing on here??? like what the fuck.. i just don’t get it tbh.

but i’ve been in the exact same shoes as you and it makes me so sad that we both have comparing our writing to others and it especially makes me sad that you have compared your writing to mine. for my first like year and a half here on tumblr i didn’t have any friends at all. i was constantly jealous of other writers in here too and how they seemed to be part of this big friend group that i wasn’t part of and how they’d talk about their works and people would give them feedback and all kinds of things. i felt the same exact way that you did. that, along with various other things, also made me want to quit writing. but as you also said, i’ve had many realizations myself; and one of them was that i just love writing too much to ever give it up. i like sharing my little stories even if it didn’t get the feedback or the notes that i initially wanted, even if i still thought that my writing was shit compared to others who i deemed more worthy and way way better than mine.

what really helped me was that i knew that i had to branch out and try to make friends for myself… commenting under other writer’s posts and leaving long reviews on their works even if it was just one sided. i reached out to those who were doing the same for me (writer OR reader) and over time they have become the friends that i love and cherish today. it definitely wasn’t overnight at all, but i would hope that you’d do the same before coming to a conclusion of leaving altogether, because it would be such a shame to not have a talented writer on this platform such as yourself. especially when so many other talented writers are leaving for the same exact reasons we’ve all felt. (ＴｗＴ。)

imposter syndrome truly is such a fucking bitch, and we are all our own worst critics when it comes to our writing. and when you mix that in with the fact that inherently this platform just sucks and desperately needs to be updated, you start to realize that none of it lands on you at all. it’s hard to remember, as you can see, i still clearly struggle with it a lot, but it’s a nice little reminder i like to give any writer on here that i know has faced these struggles as well! and they help remind me about it as well!! ♡♡

i am so so happy that you did share this with me (even if it’s airing out both of our dirty laundry haha)!! and i’m so happy that you felt safe enough on my account to do so! i hope that others find that safety here as well, because i truly am just another person on the internet who most likely faces the same exact struggles as you. (づ ￣ ³￣)づ♡♡

[fictionkinfessions]

Earlier (and by arlier i mean like 30minutes ago) i just made a bunch of pluralkit bots and started talking to myself, but it doesnt really feel like im talkignt o myself yk? Idk. I thought (and still think) that i was fictionkin but. Like- something similar had happened like this a while ago, where i would want to use certain pronouns- but ONLY in the context of me being the character. Ive done alot of reaserch on DID, OSDD, & the like and i was pretty sure that i was a singlet, bit idontthink that just based off of this ill be able to know if im plural or not but yea (sorry to any systems/ more educated people than me who are reading this if im spreading misinformation please tell me! I do NOT want to be purposely spreading misinfo)

I have other things that could be read as symptoms of DID/OSDD, though they can be explained away by other conditions i have. Like memory gaps/ not remembering what happened but knowing that something happened (this can be explained by adhd), and intense mood swings- like ill be super happy one moment, then ill get a moment of silence and just. Sit there. In the silence. Or ill get really fucking mad out of nowhere over small things. (This could again be due to adhd, autism, smth else, or just me being a teen so my homomones are doing whatever theyre doing, and the last one could be a trauma response to things) another kind of mood swings but id still count it as seprate is, doing something, really drastic, but being fully in the moment, id act- crazy isnt the right word, but i cant think of another decriptor, but then id come back into being, like id become aware of my actions and just.

Like- sit there? Thinking and asking myself why i did that. (Yea idk why this happens sometimes, not as often recently but its been like that for a while)

Sometimes things i dont remember watchign will show up as watched (but that could be a youtube glitch or an adhd memory issue)

Ill have periods of time (sometimes but usually after a traumatic/stressful event) where ill grow severely attatched to characters, ill animorph into them kinda but then after a while it just. Goes away. Sometimes i still miss the friends or family of said character but not always.

Idk if this stuff is normal, i just wanna know if this lines up w/ the experiences of snyone and if they could tell me what this means?

Sorry in advance if this isnt ok to post mpc

(I also apologize for my spelling mistakes to anyone who has a difficult time reading, ill try to do better next time if i submit another ask)

party note this is supposed to be an open question so if anyone would like to reply, please feel free!