#also if it's true that's so fucking funny

[scribespirare]

the other day a friend told me that I "look like someone who owns a flogger" and I can't stop thinking about it tbch like. forget freak behavior I've got pure freak aura. freak aesthetics even

[madockisser]

cardan/nicasia: why they’ll never happen again analysis/speculation

a while back i saw someone (or rather, a thread of ppl saying that they hope cardan and nicasia don’t get it on in the next book which is supposed to be nicasias book (supposedly) and i even saw someone say they WISH THEY DO ?!

so here’s your fun reminder of what nicasia put cardan through!

I’ve gathered together all the shit nicasia did to cardan: being the first girl he loved then breaking his heart w his friend, allowing cardan to catch them ON HIS BEDROOM FLOOR. (not entirely her fault but she totally had shits and giggles abt it when cardan confronted her) then when Locke screwed her over, she got CARDAN and his power as prince, to harass the girl(s) locke chose over her, one of which cardan liked, then later on was trying to manipulate him to marry her (which i think is when cardan realized they weren’t rly even friends anymore), THEN kidnapping and torturing the girl she knew cardan loved, AND befriending his abusive neglectful mother!

like damn. how u even fumble that bad, not just romantically but as a friend.

also I’d like to add her consistent entitlement, not just the whole “i bully girls bc I’m a princess and i can!” but the “cardan take me back even after i emotionally ruined you multiple times!” 😐

poor cardan

anyway, I’ve read lots of holly black books, and she is VERY mindful w abusive sort of relationships. and cheating relationships. she writes about them a LOT and each time they are pretty irredeemable.

note(the only exceptions):Taryn and hazel (darkest part of the forest) who sorta cheated on accident/ it wasn’t their fault-> but didn’t end well

add on note sorry: “but nicasia cheated on cardan on accident bc Locke was a gancanagh!” false! nicasia admitted that what her and Locke were doing was prolonged, the scene that cardan finds them is not their first time screwing around. nicasia KNOWINGLY cheated on cardan. then she was like “ok but i still care abt u! take me back” ?

now you can say that it could sorta be classified as an accident due to lockes natures (which are actually really disturbing if u think abt it) and that’s true, i never blamed nicasia for that relationship, but i do blame her for all the utter dogshit she not only put cardan thru, but Jude.

and this is cardan we are talking about. he who killed half an army for Jude when madoc tried taking his daughter back (sounds funny out of context).

we must remember that cardan does not want Jude hurt and humiliated and that’s exactly what nicasia went and did to Jude. through all the books bro. nicasia literally kidnapped and tortured Jude in the undersea so there’s 0 chance of cardan touching nicasia unless maybe to turn her into a tree again (but he can always just do that at a distance 😛)

anyway back to the cheating:

which is why i know that holly would never pull any sort of bull w cardan and nicasia, and you may be thinking (well that’s bullshit what do u know?) 3 separate books w cheating tropes, and 5+ diff relationships that involve cheating w no redemption. LOL

anyway black and i certainly agree on that front, and the way she uses the trope so consistently, and makes it so the cheaters are never endgame, or have a horrible death (Locke AND his mom, also Eva Duarte 😭the dude Ben dated from dpotf, and Kaye and that guy Janet was dating, Val and Tom and dave and lolli (modern faerie tales)) is pretty telling!

holly is great at writing healthy relationships, and she knows that tcp is her biggest hit w the media, so she won’t go and fuck that, not just bc she would never and it’s out of her writing style and character and literally moral compass when it comes to writing relationships, but also bc her publishers/editors would NEVER let that slide.

but i can’t wait for her book! i love knowing that nicasia will never have a chance w cardan again, it’s no less than what she deserves 😋

anyway sorry for ranting! I just feel so strongly abt this topic, cardan would never cheat on Jude, since he’s been cheated on before, and it was heart wrenching, and bc of his upbringing, he would never. if you haven’t, go thru my masterlist in my pinned and find the cardan /nicasia thing where i explain why he wouldn’t cheat far better there!

But feel free to add on, i probably missed a few things so lmk!! 🫶

[beatrixstonehill2]

Veronica was enjoying her time at a pool in a luxurious hotel when a woman named Gina approached her, eyeing her in an accusatory way. "What do you think you're doing?" Gina asked.

"What do you mean?" Veronica asked in a soft, feminine voice.

"Disgusting, another dumb little fakegirl here to ogle us real women and fantasize about doing god knows what to us."

"Huh!? No, I think you made a mistake, I--"

Gina pulled off Veronica's clothes, starting with her top, revealing her large breasts for everyone to see, then pulled off her bottoms, sizing the disrobed girl up. "Well, well, well, look what we have here." Gina said, shaking her head at the sight of Veronica's small cock held in place with body tape.

"There's no rules against trans girls staying here! I.... wasn't ogling anyone or being a perv! I just haven't gotten around to removing my cock...."

"Uh-huh, heard it a million times, princess. You're so disgusting. I saw you when you arrived yesterday. Since you don't pass whatsoever it was obvious you were a boy. Since then I've caught you filming pregnant girls in bikinis on your phone, filming upskirts, staring at countless girls' asses and breasts, you accidentally bumped into and touched the breasts of about a dozen girls staying here, and I even caught you rubbing your cock through your bikini as you watched that group of pregnant college girls celebrating their victory in some gymnastics competition. I also followed you in the bathroom and heard you jerking off."

"Ummmm..... it's.... not true? I didn't mean to..... those girls were really hot and showing off their moves, their breasts kept falling out and oh my god their asses were so juicy and fat--oh!" Veronica covered her mouth, her cock throbbed against the tape holding it in place.

"You poor perverted boy. Let mommy take you in and take care of you. Show you some discipline. Wouldn't you like that?"

"Ummm......would I have to stop being a girl?"

"Idiot. You aren't a girl now. Just a confused, perverted boy.... Come on, let me help break you free of your confusion, OK?"

Veronica nodded, taking Gina's hand as she walked her naked through the hotel, back to her room....

"It's been a year since I met my mistress, Gina, and detransitioned for her, finally giving up my perverted fantasy of being a girl. Gina started by making me get rid of my "breasts", which were just oversized moobs that grew unnaturally big because my parents tricked me into taking synthetic hormones because I liked dressing as a girl. Now they're growing back because my mistress funnel feeds me so much.... if they look too much like a girl's breasts Mistress Gina says she'll make me get another reduction.

I used to goon in private to so many pretty girls online, and I was something of a voyeur.... I also took a new guy home almost every night, I'd go to all kinds of nice hotels and sleep with as many men as possible, while watching all the pretty rich girls..... But now Gina controls when I'm allowed to cum. Only after I do good and meet my monthly weight gain milestones and don't complain when she pegs me with her.... intimidatingly big strap ons. I'm just her boy-toy hog who only exists to fatten for her amusement, until she gets bored of me, which she told me she will. I never get to fuck her of course, only watch her get fucked or peg other girls, as well as a bunch of other former t-girls she forced to detransition.

I have to stuff my face and eat as I watch her have an active sex life, if I slow down she stops what she's doing to scold me or paddle me if I'm really disobedient. She makes eye contact with me the whole time she pegs or gets fucked, never with her partner. She just watches me eat and encourages me to keep stuffing my dumb, hog mouth and get nice and fat so I can cum like a good boy. It's kind of funny but she's way more perverted than I ever was as as trans girl.... even if I was pretty out of control. Now I have no choice but to get as fat as possible for my mistress until she finally gets bored with me and drops me off at my parents' house.... That's going to be a fun conversation. Telling them I detransed after living as a girl since the second grade, and got so fat I can't walk.... Hope they don't mind taking care of me and keep me as well fed as Mistress Gina.... Fuck, I've got to stop thinking about it or I might accidentally cum. I've been getting punished enough lately.... Keeping Mistress Gina satisfied gets harder and harder the fatter I get, I can barely keep up with my weight gain goals, but having Mistress Gina jerk me off at the end of every month makes it all worth it. Her eyes staring into mine as she calls me a gross, disgusting boy who never passed as a girl, and a fat useless hog who's never gonna make a girl cum, who's gonna be too fat to fuck or masturbate.... I cum soooo fast, then she makes me lick the cum off her hand, afterwards she slaps me and tells me to do better next month, that I'm gaining pathetically slow.... I have to do better for my mistress. I already can't even remember ever being a fakegirl with big bouncy tits......"

[lotus-tower]

somehow when writing all this I forgot about the prosthetic phallus. gintoki the true protagonist whose sword is made all the more sword-like because its non-literality conveys more efficiently that what it embodies is the swordconcept—prosthetic also because it’s being forged before our eyes (though without us noticing at first). gintama says “if you don’t have your own, store-bought is fine” about the great institution of the Cool Signature Shounen Sword, which is funny, but mainly gintama posits that in the end you have to craft your own with everyone’s help anyway.

it’s then really interesting for gintoki’s evil clone to have, quite literally, a prosthetic dick. and kintoki knows that the dick is the key, that the dick is fundamental to gintama’s language of worth and its basic fabric—and he clearly understands that non-literality, that prostheticness is okay. in fact, maybe from his perspective, being designed to be what he is, the cold “facts” of gintoki as a character are quite obvious to him—blueprint data he was given as part of his construction. he at no point seems to have any real investment in the idea of being a human vs being a robot. he’s here to usurp gintoki as an animanga character, as a protagonist, so it really doesn’t matter. whether he’s artificial doesn’t really matter—according to his instructions manual gintoki is also artificial. and so someone as arrogant and self-absorbed yet relationally aware as kintoki feels neither inferior nor superior for being a literal robot.

but he doesn’t understand it, not really. he doesn’t understand the whys of the prosthetic phallus or the gintama swordconcept in general. this is, of course, because he isn’t gintoki but was instead designed to be Golden Boy Alpha Male gintoki, and gintama is fundamentally a story based in loserspace. by which I mean not an “objective” space where all losers go (kintoki is obviously a loser too), but a space focused on, preoccupied with, and making productive, loserhood. every part of kintoki’s body was designed in a way that makes him fundamentally incompatible with this, so of course he doesn’t understand.

tama, like lake toya, is a character whose artificial nature only serves to make her thematic package starker and easier to receive. gintama is generally blunt in its messages. just like lake toya is more sword-like by visibly carrying the naked idea of the sword, tama is made more human by being a robot that gained sentience through the Magic Humanity-Granting Seed. gengai’s introductory episode also very effectively used a hollow robot holding a very tender and sincere message inside it for sentimental effect. this is also a reminder that the first time we meet gengai, he’s constructed artificial facsimiles of his son—not meant to replace him, though, but rather for him to project his emotions on, and to embody a certain kind of will.

so by the time of kintoki’s introduction, we know that robots can be sentient, and this doesn’t really require any real storytelling or justification. and we know that gengai isn’t the type of character to actually think a robot can replace a person, as that person—rather, he built kintoki because he agreed with shinpachi and kagura that gintoki was fucking annoying, and he built kintoki to replace gintoki instrumentally. and, to his credit, kintoki does what he’s designed to do. and he doesn’t want to replace gintoki as a person—he does understand his assignment, he understands the blueprint data, he understands the instructions manual. if he wanted to replace gintoki as gintoki, he would have killed him from the getgo. he wants to replace gintoki as the main character, instrumentally, and for this purpose making gintoki part of his harem serves to convey how effective he’s been at accomplishing his goal.

he reboots the world as a vapid moe harem because that’s the kind of series that is most straightforwardly built around how important, unique, and special the main character is. he has no use for loserspace—he reads the abridged gintama script and sees that the ensemble cast must trust him, rely on him, and have their hearts moved by him—and he’s like, well, okay, but why is he a loser then? it would be more efficient like this.

which is to say, kintoki understands that he must be the recipient of all these relationships and emotions, but he fundamentally does not understand Hole. many, many people project all sorts of things onto gintoki. gengai projected his grief over his son onto his (very much non-sentient, yet all the more endearing as a carrier for it) robot. no one can project onto kintoki. kintoki understands that he’s empty inside—he’s a robot, after all, and he’s like two weeks old, and he sees the script, he sees that gintoki is too, it all checks out—he sees that gintama is lame, that it’s stupid, that it’s gross, that time doesn’t pass meaningfully, that time can keep cycling—so why not turn it into an incel fantasy harem? What is the difference between his dick joke and gintoki’s (gintama’s) dick joke? It’s still a dick?

I think that gintama’s lack of interest in engaging with dichotomies like human and non-human (in the biological or racial sense), organic and inorganic, is a large driving force behind what gives kintoki an interesting, understated texture. again, he is not concerned with being a robot. if anything, he is assured by it, he’s certain in his purpose and his goals and his ability to achieve them. there is no insecurity over being a hunk of metal, there is no insecurity about his humanity or lack thereof (see, he can just take his head off to wash it), there isn’t even loneliness despite him being one android in a huge city of people unlike him, because the protagonist is inherently a lonely role anyway (and gintoki is human and still lonely among humans). he feels no envy or animosity towards flesh.

instead, you could almost argue that he’s secure in artificiality. he thinks that because his dick is prosthetic, he can succeed as the main character. because his dick is prosthetic, it will last when others wither. because his dick is prosthetic, the world will revolve around him. it’s a fascinating concept, to have a main character with a prosthetic phallus for the sake of an embodied spiritsword, and to then create an evil clone of him who fixates on the prosthetic, and literalizes the wrong part of the metaphor. or maybe, literalizes it in the opposite direction? rather than the prosthetic (wooden) sword being a vessel for the thematic spirit of gintama, it’s gintama’s spirit—understood here not incorrectly by kintoki as its places, relationships, and symbols—that are twisted in service of the prosthetic sword, to highlight how shiny and prosthetic it is, how golden and stainless and immortal.

all this because he doesn’t understand hole. classic straight man mistake

[cowboy-robooty]

Okay. listen to me. sit down, boy. If you read this youre reading the whole mf thing because i will sound crazy for half of it and then itll all tie together alright. Listen, this is my explanation of the switzerland's crush on germany allegations. This all started because of that one scene where Austria was all like "I guess Germany's asshole isn't all that cozy" and Switzerland just blushed and couldn't say anything else. I have taken cell samples from this clip and under electron microscopy, found that there is a whole extra chapter in the hetalia bible to be found here. So we all know about Switzerland's weird feelings about his and austria's past friendship. It is a whole other thing that I won't get into and also don't feel 1000% confident on yet, but currently personally see it as switzerland desiring friendship again and Maybe it is gay. Not 100% sure, but it's possible (for some reason my gut instinct says no though). Anyways, I think switzerland has a subconcious crush on germany. Germany's entire thing is that he is objectively one of, if not THE most reasonable nations. He is unironically a very good guy and that's why its comical that everybody fucking hates him. Switzerland's entire deal is that he's INSANELY NORMAL and because of that I think it would be really funny if he had a crush on Germany because it's like... well a normal person would probabaly like him the most irl since Germany's the most reliable and least insane. But see this crush is subconcious because switzerland does not hang out with germany ever because the guy surrounds himself with pyschopaths (everyone else). They just don't interact outside of trading only because their lifestyles dont mix and because of that, the seed of switzerlands crush on germany never can sprout. It's currently planted in nitrogen deficient soil found within the Sahara desert. This crush is still real and true though ok, it just never will become something that switzerland is aware of because he doesnt think about gay shit on his free time and never chills with germany enough to get a boner. But I think like if Germany and switzerland were trapped in Alcatraz for 30 years there is like a 20-40% chance switzerlands crush would finally have the resources it needs to blossom. Thats the only way it could work though. Unless those conditions are met, switzerland will continue to hold a subconcious crush on germany that makes him able to stay hard when he accidentally has a fleeting thought about the guy while trying to jerk off, but isn't something that is recognized enough to make him able to seek out germany because the wall of pyschopaths he hangs out with is too much to deal with.

[tigerdrop]

Got any fun thoughts to share about Ford and Bill?

they drive me crazy dude. i have a lot to say about them so im putting it under a readmore

ive been billpilled for 1 million years dog. hes like the Blueprint. bills the perfect entity to me: terrifying shapeshifting demon who can slip into every corner of your mind and read all your thoughts and memories. and also hes a cartoon character with noodle arms and a cute shape. and hes a pathetic worm whos hung up on his human ex. and hes a funny little guy whos playful and mean and delights in tormenting you but juuuust enough so that he doesnt break you. Hes so awesome

like. listen. this isnt going to be a surprise if youve read literally anything ive ever written. but if bill possessed ford and slammed his hand in a car door and got a kick out of it and put him in a funny little outfit id be fine about it. ford was literally in a 24/7 freeuse lifestyle with him so why WOULDNT he

yeah im kind of a masochist. Why do u ask

put his ass in a horny neurotic guys body and see what happens. hit his dick with a cartoon mallet for fun. slap him around a little. feels cool and neat! like "human bodies are so responsive, huh" said while blanfords about to jam a fork into an outlet (thats my name for it btw. Im not looking it up)

what if i hurt you?? what if i dropped you??? Just kidding :-)

i dont know how much genuine sexual pleasure bill would get out of it so much as the thrill and novelty of a new human sensation but i think that could be fun in and of itself. jacking off with another guys body in a weirdly distant way like Haha Wow. Im getting kind of flustered here! (actively jamming a coke bottle into his pussy)

and the thing that really drives me crazy about ford is how much fetish shit he thinks about/makes inventions for/has inflicted upon him. i think in the series finale hes tied up like 3 fucking times. its insane. he wants to give up control of his body so fucking bad dude!!!!! (exhibit A: ford going limp like a kitten whenever hes picked up. it happens more than once.)

and theres even more contrived bondage bits in the deleted scenes! its maddening. hes an insane obsessive bdsm-lifestyling pervert and hes likethe ideal guy to match bills freak

hes soooo fucking easy. its so much fun to me. theres something really erotic about the way bill makes him feel special about his hands......like.......its naked flattery but its also kinda true. its weird. he likes weird shit. and ford falls for it soooo easy. drives me nuts

now walk with me. think about how easy that same interaction would transfer to ford being transgender. and your not allowed to get mad at me bc this is just my thing now

its so strange! kind of captivating. bills been around the block but the western conception of transmasculinity is so recent that for him it might as well be a blink of the eye. so i think it would be new to him. especially given when he actually makes a deal with ford. just another special thing about his special little guy. he *knew* there was something about ford

and to be frank i think that if you were a transmasc pervert in the 70s and a dream demon came along that understood you inside and out and can make all of your bizarre fantasies come true. well. you would have been fucking stupid not to fuck him

i need to read the book of bill so fucking bad bc the extra context of bill being super hung up on ford drives me CRAZY!!!! i love bitter lovestruck jerks. i love divorce. and i think they could and should hook up again. bad guys that are reluctantly forced to stop being so bad are so much fun and fords huge fucking ego didnt go anywhere. i think bill could convince ford to give him a second chance. at least just to hook up for old times sake

anyway. im making a bill itabag. Gotta go

[all-pacas]

i think you're deeply in denial about being a chase/cam shipper or you gotta change your definition of shipping or something. because whatever you're doing here absolutely 100% looks like shipping them. to the untrained eye

in reality i have this very multi long paragraph disclaimer that's too convoluted to even explain but here ya go:

they are my two favorite characters

i like seeing them interact because of this fact

i find their deeply complimentary set of flaws fascinating. i love seeing cameron in a Relationship because she's such a fucking unreliable narrator about herself. i like seeing chase in a relationship because the very concept of "putting someone besides yourself first" is so antithetical to him and the opposite of what he has learned his whole life. i want to put them in a room together. i want cameron to talk at glowing length about her soulmate dead husband and how she watched him die and i want chase to talk about watching his mother die and how much he hates and resents her. i don't know where that conversation would go but i Want It. it's like how i want chase and 13 to talk about murder and redemption together. it is a platonic smashing together of fake people, not about making them kiss

i think they were badly written in the sense that like. there's no writing. they're just together. now they're not. now chase has feelings. do we see them? no. now cameron has feelings. do we see them? no. now they date for three years. as someone who likes writing and narrative this drives me insane because it's so lazy.

i think i could do it better, not in a "because i want to write uwu fixit fanfic where they kiss" way but in a "this sort of writing drives me insane" way. like. huddy was badly written too but it very much existed. cameron and chase are just "oh btw chase fell for her at some point for some reason during fwb." why???? we can handwave but there is NOTHING IN CANON. cameron likes him too! why??? WHO KNOWS

however i also find it annoying when people go "solution: they never dated, we pretend it never happened" because that's ALSO lazy and retcons several years of canon including cameron's exit from the show. including the actual character development chase gets, which i actually do like. i think i'm a rare person who almost prefers late series chase. i like short haired chase. and i don't like the idea of erasing all that canon development just because "uwu i don't like it" (or, more petty, because "uwu i think cameron should have kissed x -- usually house -- so i hate this canon relationship that like it or not did exist")

this ties in to my actual fairly complicated feelings about cameron and how a lot of fandom tends to Girlboss her up in obvious and admirable contrast to her years of reddit-ish character bashing. where i admire the Spirit but deeply dislike this Girlboss characterization.

basically i am a deeply contrary person by nature

so whenever i see this ship i go IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER, and OUT OF SPITE I WILL DEFEND IT, which is a whole perpetual motion machine of feelings

i honestly could not care less about them kissing. except for the specific episodes where they allude to having a sex life and foreman all but flees the room. i actually care quite a lot about that, i think it's super funny. so in that context (in front of foreman, to troll him) i want them to make out.

i've gone and read old ffn stories from when the show was airing that featured them as a couple. like from true fans and believers of the ship. i disagree with almost all of it and think usually cameron and usually chase are ooc in these stories. but in different ways. this also triggers my spite

so sure. yes. i ship it. probably,

[myk-elric]

My fiance and i just finished watching Fullmetal Alchemist 2003 all the way through. It was his first ever watch and it had been YEARS since i last sat down to watch it. Rly glad i own it on dvd. Now we just gotta watch conquerer of Shamballa someday soon!! Unpopular opinion but i like the movie a lot.

Spoilers and discussion points abt 2003 while its fresh on my mind below cut! Feel free to reblog, quote reblog, or comment/reply with any thoughts/responses!! I love fma so much

envy is just pure evil in this version holy fuck

Envy is also *gender envy* this version, his voice in the dub even is gayer

Holy fucking shit did bradley just snap little selim's neck in front of dying and traumatized Roy!?! (Tyler and i both gasped a little in this scene. I had completely forgot abt it)

The ending feels rushed. I wonder why after an ok pacing the rest of the 59ish episodes

WinryxSheska forever in 2003 they so cute

This version really drove home and reminded u in so many (often times painful) ways and often: Ed and Al are CHILDREN

Nina :-: Alexander ;_; 03 is so fucking tragic so many times and ways

I wish tucker had died a brutal death as he deserved

With how tragic the tone and story was, some of the funny bits or typical boob shots felt a little awkward and out of place sometimes

Our world Ed dying under that blimp and Edward grasping he accidentally just killed another life to somehow save his own- i near choked up on eds small soft voice of true sadness

Ed dying to Envy. That was actually haunting to watch and see

I actually rly appreciate that the gore blood and traumatic shit wasnt hidden or blurred or cleaned up for tv. It would have felt wrong if blood didnt appear and ooze somewhat realistically after someone got stabbed in the heart or sliced up by bradley or shot in the arm etc

I want to watch more anime that dont shy from gore like fma doesnt

I want to give rose a hug. Im glad the rockbell house gave her and her baby a home and people to love her post al return

I hated Archer. What actual purpose did he rly serve other than being super evil and feeling like a kimblee clone?

Actually liked that scar killed kimblee for revenge of his brother in 03. It fit.

Oh also about the ending- it was so dialogue heavy! Opinion not meant to be a negative one but just a surprising observation i guess

Izumi, Sig, pinako, plz adopt me u kind and stern souls

Al losing his entire memory and the whole gate jumping was confusing. Especially to my partner since its his first watch

Like I understood the explanations they gave right at the end they are speculating to be tru but man. 03 leaves a lot of open narratives and storylines unfinished

Even in shamballa i remember there even still being a lack of answers for a lot of story lines

Ok im done for now im v tired

[kacievvbbbb]

Idk why I find the fact Mihawk writes Y/N Reader inserts so funny but so true and I have reader inserts blocked on here like I hate them but oh my god so in character for him.

And he does not give a shit. Absolutely go king and getting fantasy dicked down by all the hot guys in one piece world I support! Also him being a sengoku shipper iconic. I was say maybe he thinks about Kuzan but I think he’s out off by his general laziness and apathy and not in a fun apathetic way like Barsolino in a depression way. ( he’s looking in a mirror and does not like it.) but if he learns Dragon used to be a marine and friends with Akainu he’s making the most toxic relationship of them friends to enemies to nemesis type shit.

He’ll write a new book and it will be a sensation and no matter the fact he changed the names everyone with a brain cell will be able to figure out who it’s about.

Sorry this took so long to reply! but

YES YES YES!!! I don't really like self insert stuff either but it's so in-character for him I'm so obsessed.

And yeah it really is just the adventures of reader as they travel across the grand line getting dicked down is definitely one of his most beloved and acclaimed series. Shanks goes hot and cold on that series a lot because while the idea of watching mihawk getting dicked down by another man is very hot Shanks is also a jealous man and he is very jealous of these "fictional" men. He tries to find out if mihawk has ever fucked any of them in real life and maybe 👀.

Also yeah I just threw in the marine thing because I thought it was funny but I'm glad it stuck out! 😂. I don't think he self ships with any of the marines (maybe in his GILF era sengoku or fujitoro) I think because none of the really strong marines appeal to him but he would fuck smoker if he was stronger. and just because I remembered dude and I think it would be so funny imagine if his only self x marine ship is with Ryokugyu (the tree admiral) I think he'd hate him in life but he's not blind. I think this realllllly pisses shanks off because he does not like him and honestly its a bit of a snake eating his own tail because a lot of the reason he doesn't like him is because of Mihawk's fanfiction of him.

I think Mihawk's natural reaction (mostly because it's mine) is to ship Sengoku with Garp but he hates Garp and even the thought of picturing him in that way is enough to make him want to pour his ears to bleach his brain. I think it be funny if during one of his lackadaisical checking out marine headquarters rooms (because realistically who is going to stop him) he stumbles upon and old picture of Garp Sengoku and Tsuru when they were young and he is very intrigued by thetwo hot young men then he notices that one of them is Garp and he almost throws up, the thought wont leave him alone tho.

Also yes i don't think Mihawk actually knows dragon but he has definitely heard of him and being Garps son is enough cause for pettitness in his eyes. Dragon's identity is a little harder to parse out I the books but Akainu's is so fucking obvious. And it is a loved and well-cherished series. Anytime that Mihawk attends a warlord meeting or just genuinely has an unpleasant interaction with akainu (which is every interaction) he puts pen to paper. It'd be funny if this was the most "tame" series though more focused on the fictional romace which confuses dragon and pisses akainu off even more because what? do they think he can't take it? and mihawk is very pleased with himself. he drops a new edition right before he goes to any warlord meeting so he can watch akainu seethe in real time as the new talk of the town takes root (this series specifically is very popular in marine towns)

as for the real life identities. I think he definitely makes it a bit hard not to protect anyone. Still, because he thinks it's fun to make people guess and adds to the mystery so there is definitely a fan club (which Shanks leads) dedicated to putting the clues together on just who all the different men are (shanks needs this for....research purposes 👀) some of them are obvious if you're in the know like the Benn ones or Crocodile while others are just plain obvious because the Red Haired Emperor is definitely shanks like if you know shanks you know its him there is only two people with hair that red. It's not kidd( it does give both kidd and shanks a bit of a reputation of some islands because his book counterpart is infinitely more dashing and "masculine" that shanks' bum and kid's manica energies) and I think he makes the Akianu ones very obvious to anybody that literally even if you've just ever heard of him you know its him just to fuck with him.

[possiblyawesometmblr]

i'm allowing myself exactly one (1) moment of pure delusion:

jon martin jonah. thanks for your time.

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

[horrorlesbians]

true detective 1x08

[jeremyjohnirons]

so theres this sweeney todd revival recast....

[dandp]

I'm watching through the early Phil younows for the first time and boy, we understandably harp on Dan the most for the 2012 era denial/overcompensating but Phil's contributions are fascinating. So far my highlights include:

"Dan and I don't do everything together because then we would get sick of each other...as friends" ok no one was reading into it as if you weren't friends

Him willingly reading out "would you rather marry Dan or lick a hobo" and having an extended moment of silence that lasts way too long to be casual as he fights for his life trying to figure out what to say before saying hobo and quickly trying to move on. Then Dan joins later on and he unprompted tells Dan about this. Also should be noted shortly after he answered he was like "huh weird my chat is suddenly being slow and there's nothing for me to read out" which seems a little too convenient to me

[luck-of-the-drawings]

[OLD ART ALERT] A COLLECTION OF SCENES FROM THE GILLIONS CATSCRATCH ARC THAT BROUGHT ME GREAT JOY. i love fishy chips especially when its just gillion being delirious and violent and hostile

[camgoloud]

colin: i’m gay

ted, radiating youth pastor energy: you know who else played for the other team?