#and also steve when he dies making her about mourning him and creating a daughter..just because of what he said

[thetimelordbatgirl]

The way Wonder Woman fans can be rightfully wary on how long the confirmed Wonder Woman film will take for even updates and get instantly told to be grateful or to be more optismistic by fans of heroes like Superman and Batman who literally have a shit ton of movies and shows and games and such by this point while Wonder Woman sadly has a history now of not getting as much to the point her attempt at a video game was cancelled and we've not heard much on that amazons prequel, Paradise Lost.

[backjustforberena]

We all need to stop pussyfooting. We’ve made inferences about relationships with much less to go on. You’ve all created a narrative that Rhaenys and Vaemond had a tense and negative relationship based on like nothing. So let’s be real, Rhaenys doesn’t like those boys😭😭😭 The only reason she even brings them up in ep 10 is because her granddaughters are going to fight and are betrothed to the Strongs so by proxy protecting them is also protecting her granddaughters but they’re never her focus and that’s ok.

I don't believe I've created a narrative around Rhaenys and Vaemond based on nothing. True, we all make headcanons and have fun little theories, but for me, I certainly like to base mine on some form of fact or interaction. So I would kindly like to reject that supposition you've made.

In fact, if you want to talk about it specifically, the relationship between Vaemond and Rhaenys is mainly based on interviews and the scenes we get with them. I'll admit, there is very little to go on, but there is no affection beyond the perfunctory. It's a tense relationship. However, I don't think it's directly negative until Vaemond starts to challenge her, and by extension, his brother in Episode 08. Steve Toussaint said this of the relationship, which is what I base quite a bit of my reasoning on:

Other things are that Vaemond is standing with the Greens when it comes to Aemond losing his eye, however as soon as his family members are threatened when Alicent gets out the knife, he crosses the room and stands with his brother. He loves his niece and nephew, I think we can agree on that, given his loyalty and eulogy, but there's little interaction with Rhaenys and Corlys at the wedding and he doesn't look like he's having a good time. We know he hasn't got the closest relationship with Corlys because of how he acts and how they interact in Episode 03 as well. It's not too far a stretch to assume the same of Vaemond and Rhaenys.

I mean, do they look besties here? He goes against Rhaenys's words of warning/directive and openly questions her in Driftmark, not something he would do if he respected Rhaenys, and she dishes it right back. But Rhaenys also gives him an out in the Throne Room by accepting the proposals and she mourns him when he's dead and watches his body being taken care of. She stays in order to escort his body to Driftmark, which means she's still in King's Landing when Viserys dies. So there is kinship, born of being brother and sister-in-law. But no real warmth. I mean, if what Steve said is correct, would you be great chums with the bloke who hates your marriage and your family?

BUT something tells me you just want to cast Rhaenys as a callous, cruel woman who hates Jace, Luke and Joff? So, different question... why do you think that? What's your evidence? Sure, I bet those betrothals factor into her thinking and her staying. But I wouldn't think it was her only reason: she can protect her granddaughters without protecting the boys. Betrothals can be broken, I should think them being Daemon's daughters would be a larger factor in their role in the upcoming conflict. Or, perhaps not larger, but undoable, at least.

She could have specified to Corlys that she was just in it for Rhaena and Baela. She didn't. He said grandchildren, and she said those boys wouldn't be safe so long as Aegon is King. She doesn't hate them. Why would she?

[kaypeace21]

do you think it’s possible sarah (hoppers daughter) was an early-formed alter that went dormant before the events of season one? it’d make a lot of sense with how much of hoppers arc in season one was him mourning her and channeling that grief into protecting will (which would make sense since he seems like a protecter to both will and el). love your posts!☺️

Yep . :D

I already discussed all of this in the original did post - how sarah was a “little” (kid ) alter. And how hopper was a protector /introject alter. I also discussed her going dormant as a major possibility in my did theory. My assumption is she either (a) “became dormant” like some alters do- aka they are “gone” sometimes for many years but can return . And this can happen in a myriad of ways - sometimes alters go dormant after they had a simulated death in the inner world . theoretically sarah had such a Death. And so did El. Death isn’t really a permanent thing for alters ...they usually will come back or stay dormant - unless the body of the host dies (or they integrate) . They can’t really die . I think it’s very possible she comes back and Hopper while exploring the various innerworlds of Will’s minds (like the Russian one, the memory scapes , etc ) reunites/ finds her . look at the st s4 movie inspirations. In ‘what dreams may come”  a guy with the guidance of his dead kid explore a heaven like world influenced by a painter’s emotions.We also have the movie ‘inside out’ -which involves “memory islands” (distinct worlds based on a child’s memories) which are influenced negatively by the kid being depressed she moved to California. The characters traveling to these memory islands are constructs of  kid’s mind -and 1 of them also has a guide helping them explore the ‘memory islands’. in  Inception a guy says he’s a construct of a guy’s mind and needs to help him escape the many different Ievels of the dream worlds.The in inception who made the worlds- had dad issues. 'the cell’also had alternate dimensions of a man's mind that a cop explored ( the dimensions were created by a man who was ab*sed by his dad). Movies like inception, matrix, Truman show, total recall, the cell, enter the void, wizard of oz, Peter Pan, hellraiser 2, dream warriors, bill & ted’s bogus journey, and welcome to marwen  also allude to this: because they involve entering simulated abstract worlds usually created/based on happy& traumatic memories/fears.Cough s4 using the movie wizard of oz quote “we’re not in Hawkins (kansas) anymore.While truman show/matrix are more about realizing your reality isn’t real.in bladerunner 2044/total recall it has the theme of false implanted memories… probably relating to hopper realizing he’s an alter and not in “actual Russia.” Before seeing the other segments of the innerworlds with sarah. Like in total recall- the bad ass spy is told all his memories: his wife/ years of marriage,  , his name, are just implanted memories. And she says “you’re life is a dream.” 

In s2 Nancy asks Steve how his “grandpa’s time in the war is a metaphor for your life?” And steve compares the mf to the germans in the war. Dr owens mentions Will has ptsd like “ (vietnam) soldiers’, Hopper saying he had buddies like Will . “In the 70s there was a study that compared the post-traumatic stress symptoms in Vietnam veterans and adult survivors of childhood s**ual ab*se. The study revealed that childhood s**ual ab*se is traumatizing and can result in symptoms comparable to symptoms from war-related trauma.” Hopper isn’t actually in Russia -but in one of the innerworlds (after he jumped through the rift of the machine- into Will’s mind). We’ll see flashbacks but also present circumstances of his imprisonment echo Will’s past with Lonnie (if the movies indicate anything)- being starved, guards getting payed in order to let other prisoners  r*pe a gay prisoner (than claim incorrectly because of his sexuality he wanted it) , as well as a gang of sadist men who r**e others and a warden using that as a threat to be compliant , being thrown in a dark room of solitary confinement and starved when they didn’t obey the warden, the warden being religious, etc. And the Anerican soldiers (in Vietnam) in the movies aren’t much better and do similarly horrific acts to civilians like r**e and bragging/ happily k*lling women, children, and the elderly. The drill sergant in vietnam calling them homophobic slurs & women, and chocking one of the soldiers with one hand, slapping one for not believing in christianity. Tying up a soldier in a bed , gagging him, beating him and saying “remember it’s just a dream.” Only praising them when good in fire arms.(movies : fullmetal jacket, papillon, shawshank redemption, platoon, welcome to marwen, etc ) . My assumption is  flashbacks of his life- will hint he’s an alter of Will’s-the boxes in the basement are “vietnam” ,“dad”, and “ny” (and these are the memories of his we’ll see). And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . For instance in s2, Jonathan mentions Indiana writer Vonnegut- In his book ‘slaughterhouse 5′- Vonnegut begins the story of Billy Pilgrim, a man who has “come unstuck in time”. It accounts of Billy Pilgrim's capture and incarceration by the Germans during the last years of World War II, and scattered throughout the narrative are episodes from Billy's life with his dad, and his own wife and kids.Billy is forced to be part of the war and similar things against his free will. The moments start from his childhood when his father throws him in the water to teach him how to swim. He was unwillingly drafted into the war. Later, he is kidnapped by Tralfamadorians  (aliens that are implied to be caused by his mental health issues/trauma) against his will. Therefore, he realizes that this concept is just an illusion.

  And some of the bad characters in said stories will also parallel Lonnie . Like how in ‘peterpan’- the young girl Wendy imagines netherland and the villain -captain hook- is based off her father ( in the movie they have the same voice actors/while in all stage productions the 2 characters are always played by the same actor). Similar to the other s4 film- ‘wizard of oz’ where the wicked witch of th west from the mythical land of Oz (is played by Dorothy’s real life mean neighbor in the real world/kansas). Or ‘in the cell’- every villain from the alternate-mind- dimensions is played by same actor in diff makeup. Not sure if they’d use Ross Patridge (actor of Lonnie) in this way . But it would be very interesting if (In makeup) Ross played many negative people in Hopper’s life/past -as a way to show Will’s past tr*uma.

Like also-look at Sarah’s tiger plushie! In chinese mythology/culture: “The tiger is personified by the constellation Orion (interesting given Sara’s interest in space/blackholes). The tiger represents protection over human life (hmm?). Tiger charms were used to keep away evil and disease (that’s awful ironic if she died in the manner she did). In Buddhism, wearing tiger skins during meditations was believed to bring protection from spiritual interference and potential harm while exploring astral dimensions.” HMMMMMMMMM  XD

Kali in the stranger things novel ‘Suspicious Minds’ says…

“I was named after a goddess. She wore a tiger skin and was fierce in battle.”

Then Kali says to Alice (a women who can see future visions): “I love you, Alice. We can be tigers together.”This parallel (in relation to Alice) is fascinating because Kali actually uses her powers to fake Alice’s death- and to trick Dr. Brenner, and allow Alice to escape. The allusion was so realistic, that Terry could even touch the ‘dead’ Alice.

So the tiger symbolism could be a HUGE hint- that Sarah’s death was simulated and she’ll come back and travel the innerworlds/alternate dimensions of Will’s mind (as Hopper’s guide). Hopper about sarah “galaxies the universe-she always understood that stuff.”

Another possibility (theory b) is she integrated with another alter or with Will (which means she can’t return) .Hopper saying about Sarah “the black hole it got her.” Could imply she integrated with the mf/shadow monster? And ,or maybe she will later ?

But... I lean heavily to theory (a) the most , though.

Obviously sarah has a lot of the connections to Will. will and Sarah both being into science, Sarah winning a spelling bee, Will winning the science fair, both being connected to tigers. Both hallucinating something no one else can see and people trying to snap the 2 out of what they’re viewing. Joyce saying as a witch she’ll eat Will. Parallels Hopper saying as an ogre he’ll eat sarah. Hopper, in s1, when seeing Will (with a vine in his mouth) has a flashback of Sarah on a mouth respirator. And he also has a flashback of Sarah when seeing Will’s lion plushie which resembled Sarah’s tiger plushie. And el also had a lion plushie-like Will’s in s1. Hopper monitored both Will and Sarah at the hospital when they were “dying”. Will has a fear of clowns- and Sarah’s hospital gown had clowns on them. All 3 kids draw.

Plus, we all know the parallels of Will to El (Hopper’s new daughter).

I discussed in my did theory that Hopper (as an adult alter) is a form of protector to all the kid alters - el, Sarah, and Will (host/core). And Hopper as an introject-alter (who are alters based on a person the child knows ) are usually put in the system cause the kid assumes that person could protect them . And since original-Hopper was a police man (a little kid could easily assume that). Although, because he’s a “father figure” for the system he has some of Lonnie’s traits- which are reflected in other perpetrator alters/ bad npcs in the system- Brenner, Neil, Billy, the evil’s Russians,etc . So sometimes he acts similar to a Perpetrator alter too . And I listed those examples/bad parallels extensively in the original did post (linked in the beginning).

And I used these quotes from psych papers in my original did post to pretty much sum up Hopper’s use in Will’s system .

“Introjects can also be based off of  figures that the dissociative child found strong, courageous, heroic, or otherwise worthy of being emulated and internalized and could theoretically protect them.”

“Older adult alters are created to serve a nurturing or parenting role, thus serving as a protector. (*protecting Will/el) . However, sometimes their older age is related to taking on the identification of the ab*ser and can therefore take on any of the other more hostile roles too ... Introjects which are mimicking ab*sers are trying to "keep you inline" in order to protect you from external ab*sers. They are copying behaviors shown to them by bad people, not harboring the intent, s*dism or imm*rality of the actual perpetrators.”

I think it pretty much sums up the nuances and motivations of Hopper’s character.

Thanks for the ask, anon :)

[sinner-as-saint]

Ocean Eyes

Post Endgame Steve Rogers Fic.

Requested by anon: “I was wondering if you could possibly write something about where the reader was Tony’s daughter, from a one night stand before he was iron man, and is dating Steve, so when Tony passes in Endgame she uses sex with Steve as a way to help her grieve?”

Themes: Smut, angst, feels, language, a little bit of soft Bucky

A/n: Let’s pretend Steve didn’t go back to return the stones right away. I mean he does eventually, but just not right after the funeral. Enjoy loves! And do let me know what you think, i love hearing feedback! 

    You sat in the living area of the new home your dad left you in his will, not far from the Avengers’ compound. A cup of strong, black coffee in your hand and your laptop on your lap, you just scrolled through the countless number of emails and fan art you were receiving or being tagged in – the world was mourning for your father like they should for the hero he was. While Morgan sat next to you, munching messily on her second mini cheeseburger of the night. She reminded you so much of your dad it was crazy.

You were Y/n Stark, daughter of Tony Stark. You never knew who your mother was, and your dad didn’t know either. All you could put together was that you were conceived during Tony Stark’s playboy days; years before he became Iron Man. And what you dad told you was that one day long time ago, a man showed up on his doorstep with a baby and a handwritten letter. And the unknown man left both you and the letter in his hands before going away without a word.

Upon reading the letter, Tony figured that you were his daughter. You were 10 months old at the time. And ever since then, you had the best dad anyone could ask for.

Time passed and your dad almost died, was kidnapped and eventually became Earth’s best defender; Iron Man and you couldn’t be happier when he first introduced you to the Avengers. Your relationship with Pepper was awesome too. Your dad was your best friend, and losing him was your worst nightmare. A nightmare which came true.

You went to every single mission with your dad; despite his over protectiveness. And you fought alongside your father every single time, until the Civil War between him and Cap.

You both had a huge argument when he found out that you were siding with Steve. He said things he didn’t mean and you did too. And after finding out the whole story, you didn’t want to choose sides anymore, so you disappeared. For years nobody knew where you went; your dad was losing his mind and then Thanos happened.

You somehow showed up in Wakanda while your dad was on Titan. Long story short, you thought you had lost him in the snap, but then he came home.

Your dad decided that he wanted to marry Pepper finally and settle down somewhere far from the superhero life. And you were happy for him truly. They had a simple wedding, and then they had a daughter, Morgan.

You lost people in the snap, and for 5 years you all tried to move on.

During those five years, you lived with the Avengers, well what was left of them. You helped Nat through it all and you somehow grew closer to Steve more than anyone else. And before you knew it, you were starting to catch feelings for the super soldier.

After the last battle, when you saw your father die right in front of you, you were completely broken. You were still in denial at his funeral. In his prerecorded message for all of you, he mentioned that he was leaving you, Morgan, Peter and Harley everything he had, including a lavish, smart home built just for each one of you. Morgan lived with Pepper, while you lived alone in your spacious home. And it got lonely sometimes, but the team kept visiting. Peter would come by sometimes, Sam and Bucky would too. Steve was somehow always away but he visited whenever he could.

The team were still debating over who would actually go to place all the stones back. You offered to go, but a loud echo of ‘No!’ from many people, including Happy and Rhodey, shot back at you when you did propose that idea during a recent meeting. Being Tony Stark’s daughter, it was a habit for them, instilled by Tony himself, to be protective over you.

 Morgan’s voice dragged you back to reality from the flashback you were having.

 “Can I please have another one, Y/n?” she asked, giving you the best puppy eyes ever. She had your dad’s eyes and whenever you looked into them, you knew that he was with you in another form.

“Nice try Morgoona, but mom is gonna kill us both if she ever found out that I’m your cheeseburger dealer. Also, she’s on her way to pick you up, she’s done with work. You can have cheeseburgers tomorrow baby, for now, let’s wipe your face,” you were babysitting Morgan while Pepper was caught up with work and meetings all day.

 An hour later, Pep came over to pick Morgan up asked you if you wanted to join them for dinner. You politely refused because you still needed time to recover before going back to the lake house which was filled with your dad’s memories.

It was around 10 p.m. and you were just lounging in the living area with a book when your phone buzzed on the coffee table not far from you.

It was a message from Steve.

1 new message from Captain Dorito: Can I come over? Need to talk.

 It simply said, yet the seven little words made your heart pound inside your chest. You and Steve were an on and off couple. Yeah you had sex multiple times in the past, but since you lost your father and since Bucky came back, you both had been a bit distant from one another; taking time to heal and catch up with the ones you had lost.

His text was short and simple, but your tried your hardest to read between the words, and when you couldn’t figure anything out – you texted him a simple ‘yeah’ and paced around in your living room until you heard the roar of his car’s engine coming through your property’s gate.

Just a few moments later, the AI your father had created and installed in your house spoke up.

“Captain Rogers is at the door, Y/n.” it simply said. And you let out a loud breath.

“Let him in, Mr. J,” you replied back. He was named after Jarvis, because he was your favorite AI that your dad ever made. You wanted to name yours Jarvis Junior but then settled on Mr. J because it was cooler.

 You were on the first floor so it took him a few seconds to come in the room which you were in and those few seconds felt like an eternity. Then you finally saw him, after days.

He walked in your living room, carefully shaved, his soft, signature smile on and wearing a long sleeved, tight, navy blue shirt which accentuated his defined abs and his biceps. The sight of him alone made your heart go crazy in a really good way.

 “Hey Y/n,” he simply said, greeting you with his muscular arms wide open; hoping for a much needed hug.

Perhaps it was the fact that you hadn’t seen each other in quite a while. Perhaps it was because you missed him. Or perhaps it was because you were tired of being alone and acting so strong for Morgan, Peter, Pepper, and Rhodey and basically everyone else that you needed a shoulder to cry on as well. Either way, you ran into his arms and wrapped your limbs around him, a few tears falling down your cheeks in the process and landed on his shirt.

But he didn’t mind, he just wanted to hold you and let you know that it was okay and that he was here.

You jumped in his arms and wrapped your legs around his lean waist, while his strong arms pressed your body against his even more.

The faint scent of his cologne calmed you down. The comfort in his smile reminded you that you were home, safe. His arms around your body made you feel protected and that no harm would ever fall on you.

 “You’re here finally. What happened, bored of everyone already?” you asked, sniffling and he chuckled, rocking you slightly before placing you back on your feet.

You looked up at him, still in his embrace as his hands settled on both sides of your waist. Your e/c eyes bore into his ocean blue ones.

They held an incomparable depth. They weren’t just blue eyes, they were the kind that reminded you of the azure sea on a bright day. They reminded you of a dim ray of light passing through the rarest of blue diamonds. They shone like blue fire; burning along the rims of his black pupil. They reminded you of home.

“You’re not an option that I turn to when I’m bored, Y/n, I’ve told you many times before. You needed time to heal, but then I thought that you might need some company. I mean, you haven’t left this house in a whole week. Did you eat today?” he asked in his ‘Captain’ voice.

You sighed and smiled at his concern.

“Yeah I had cheeseburgers with Morgan,” you replied and from the look on his face, you could tell he was done.

“You Stark girls and your cheeseburgers! Want me to make you dinner, a proper dinner. Not just lumps of cheese and unhealthy processed meat which h-,”

“Jesus Steve! You sound like the old man you are! I’m fine, I just…miss you. A lot,” you laughed and stood on your tip toes to rub your nose against his.

Your lips brushed against his in the process and you caught the sharp intake of air he took.

His grip on your waist tightened and he smiled, placing his forehead against yours.

“I miss you too, a lot,” he whispered and his hot breath fanned your face.

 Your hand held the back of his head as you pulled him down slightly so you could kiss him properly. His lips met yours for a slow kiss and both your mouth moved in perfect harmony.

The kiss quickly turned into one which was needy and passionate and it sent tingles all over your body. Your other hand held his face gently as his tongue slipped into your mouth. His taste drove you crazy. Your body burned with desire wherever his skin made contact with yours. And soon, it felt way to warm to still have your clothes on. So you got rid of them.

“Mr. J, shut down on the first floor, please. Thanks,” you quickly told the AI and as a response, you got two beeps – signaling that Mr. J was no longer recording audio nor visuals of the occurrence of the floor which you were in.

You briefly broke contact with your super soldier to take off your top while he pulled down your shorts and left them at your feet; leaving you only in your matching set of dark burgundy cotton underwear. He kissed his way up from your thighs until he reached your collar bones. He bit, kissed and marked your skin until he finally found his way to your sweet spot.

He mercilessly assaulted the skin just underneath your jaw with his mouth till you placed the palm of your hand underneath his tight shirt and over his abs.

“Take it off,” you spoke in your authoritative voice and he obeyed immediately.

“Yes ma’am,” he teased and took off his shirt in an agonizingly slow pace, followed by his pants; leaving him only in his black briefs which did nothing to hide his very prominent hard on.

Meanwhile, you made yourself quite comfortable on the nearby couch, watching him strip just for you; leaning backwards till your back hit the multiple soft cushions while you parted your legs slightly, just to invite him in but not give him the full show just yet.

A devilish smirk cast itself upon his handsome face when he saw you in the position, on that couch. And he knew exactly what you wanted.

He slightly pushed the nearby coffee table aside with ease and knelt in front of you. The palms of his hands on either of your knees as he pulled your legs further apart slowly. Your breathing grew faster as he maintained eye contact while hooking a finger on the side of your underwear and pulled it down lazily.

Your lust got the best of you and you hurried to unclasp your bra and let it fall by your side. You had been intimate with the soldier many times now, and being naked in front of him had never been an issue.

Upon seeing your delicate swells, his eyes got darker as his desire rushed through his body faster than before. His heartbeat increased just by seeing how beautiful you looked; naked in front of him, waiting patiently for him to take his time on you.

 “You are so beautiful, baby,” he whispered against your inner thighs as his lips grazed the soft skin leisurely.

Your core was dripping and you knew he could see it because it was literally flowing out of your folds at this point. Your entrance was throbbing; awaiting desperately for his attention and his touch. Steve knew what you wanted, but he enjoyed teasing the living shit out of you.

He licked a thick stripe from your thigh to your hip bone, and kissed his way across your abdomen to reach the other side of your hip, all while carefully avoiding the spot where you wanted him the most.

You groaned out of frustration.

“Steve!” you mumbled, grabbing a handful of his hair and tugging on it gently.

He smirked against your skin and placed one last kiss right under your belly button before lifting his head up to meet your glossy eyes looking down at him.

“Yes? Want anything?” he asked nonchalantly as he rubbed his hands up and down your legs. His touch sent shivers right down your spine and despite the decent room temperature, you got chills.

You wanted him. All of him. He was your escape. Steve was what you needed to forget about everything for a short while. It seemed selfish, but it felt right.

“Yes, please just- touch me, Captain, please,” you whined in desperation and his eyebrows shot up while his smirk got bigger at the name used at him. He liked it.

His hands wrapped around your thighs as he pulled you closer to him slightly; your bare, dripping core much closer to his face now and when he spoke, his breath fanned against your wet folds and caused an intense sensation right on top of your throbbing core.

“Where does my girl want me? Right here?” he asked and before you could give him a proper answer, he slipped his tongue between your slippery folds and the warmth of his mouth dragged a loud moan out of you.

“Fuck! Right there Steve,” you moaned and held his head right above your heat, tugging on his scalp slightly as both your fists were tangled in his hair.

His tongue worked on your entrance, slipping in and out of your folds and occasionally circling your bundle of nerves and sucking harshly on it – driving you crazy with just his tongue.

Somehow, while he was at it, he slipped two fingers into your tight entrance and curled them upwards while he lazily stroked them in and out of you. And a rather vulgar moan slipped out of your mouth.

While he pumped his fingers in and out of you, his tongue flicked over your clit speedily while occasionally bringing his mouth over it to suck on it gently.

He worshiped your body with all his might, and soon, you came undone all over his mouth and his skilled fingers. Your body was squirming under him as the waves of euphoria washed over you, and your desire flowed out of you drop by drop as he removed his fingers from the tight, circular entrance of your core.

He didn’t waste any time in bringing his tongue back to your dripping heat once again, relishing whatever you had to offer him. His nose grazed your carefully trimmed bush and you could see your cum dripping down his chin. The sight was filthy, and you liked it.

His tongue brushed over your most sensitive spots and your body was shaking under his touch, and that didn’t stop him. He licked you clean and then stood up to look down at you.

 “You always taste so damn good,” he whispered, stroking your hair gently with his hand as he stood in front of you, a thin layer of sweat all over his muscular abdomen and his broad chest.

 His hard on looked so prominent that it looked like it must be painful at this point.

You took your bottom lip between your teeth as you waited for his next command.

 “You’re gonna be a good girl and suck my cock now, aren’t you, babygirl? You’re gonna wrap your pretty mouth around me, yeah? Well, then get to work baby,” he whispered huskily and you didn’t waste another second.

You hurried and pulled down his black briefs, which pooled at his ankles and he carefully stepped out of them as you wrapped your hand around his thick length and pumped it a couple of times before taking just the tip into your mouth, knowing how much that got him to the edge.

“Fuck! Your mouth feels – holy fuck!” he moaned as you caught him off guard and toyed with his balls.

Your mouth wrapped around his leaking tip and your tongue twirled around it, dragging a few cuss words out of his oh so righteous and pure mouth.

To the world, Steve Rogers was a good, honest and saintly man. But here, naked with you, the feral and rawness in him came out and you liked knowing that you had the power to bring this wild side out of the noble, out of time, hero.

The cuss words flowed out of his mouth like a chant as your tongue brushed over the slit of his length before taking all of him into your mouth. You allowed him to slide inside your mouth until he hit the back of your throat.

You bounced your head as your mouth milked his length perfectly. His one hand held a grip in your hair while the other held your jaw possessively while you maintained eye contact with him.

His perfect face had a pleasant frown upon it as you moved your mouth around him, tracing each bump and each bulging vein with your tongue. His taste drove you wild, and soon, his grip tugged at your hair harder and he bucked his hips against your mouth, sliding his length in and out of your mouth faster than before. That signaled that he was close so coming undone.

You hollowed your cheeks and sucked on his hard length slightly, a hiss slipping out of his pink lips as you noticed that his muscles tensed and soon, you felt his load shoot the back of your throat.

His raw, salty taste fueled your lust for him.

His semi hard length slowly slipped out of your mouth as his eyes rolled back and he leaned his head back a little, breathing heavily with his mouth slightly parted as his orgasm washed through him as well. A few droplets of sweat trickled down his chest and he looked magnificent, his damp skin shining in the dim evening light of your living room.

The sight of him riding the waves of pleasure was something you couldn’t get used to no matter how many times you saw it before. He looked ethereal.

 His heavy breathing ceased slightly as his grip on your jaw tightened. He bent down and brought his own face closer to yours.

His warm cum smudged slightly on the side of your mouth and the sight of having his cum messily all over your mouth drove the man insane.

He gripped your jaw and lifted your face up to line up with his. His grip on your jaw caused your mouth to part just the slightest.

“Look at you, all messy and wet with my cum all over your mouth. You’re mine, you get that? All mine,” he growled and spat in your mouth before quickly covering your mouth with his warm one.

The kiss was ferocious, animalistic and passionate. You could feel his lust for you in the kiss, his teeth clashed against yours and his lips made it their mission to bruise yours. The kiss hurt, but the passion and lust hidden in it minimized the pain.

His hands traveled everywhere all over your body. He pulled you up so you were standing as well, and slapped your thighs lightly. You took that as your cue to jump and wrap your legs around his waist once again.

He carefully walked the two of you to your bedroom, all while kissing the living shit out of you.

You briefly broke the kiss once he laid you down on your cool, satin sheets. He stood back, looked at you and smirked.

 Oh, you knew that smile.

 “Condoms on the t-,”

“The top drawer, yeah I know,” he smirked, finishing your sentence as he quickly opened the drawer, took one out, ripped the wrapping, took it out and handed it to you.

“Wanna do the honors?” he teased as you sat up and took the thin, transparent condom out of his hand and slipped it carefully onto his length.

You gave the glistening tip a quick peck and he growled again, making you smirk this time.

 “Hurry up, Captain. I need you to fuck me, now!” you demanded and he was quick to follow your orders.

He pushed you back on the bed and wrapped his mouth around your nipple, while his hand toyed with the other one. His lips and fingers pinching and biting down on the soft buds gently.

He kissed his way down from the valley of your boobs, around your belly button, until he reached your core.

He rubbed his tip against your clit and you moaned out loud. He was barely in you and you were already so stimulated.

He applied just the slightest of pressure and rubbed his tip up and down your wet folds, earning another loud, obscene moan out of you followed by a chant of cuss words.

 He smirked again.

 “I love how your body responds to my touch babe,” he whispered quickly before slipping his length inside of you without another warning.

You took deep breaths as your entrance adjusted to his size. Again, no matter how many times you’ve been intimate with him, his size was definitely something which you couldn’t just get used to.

 “Tell me if I hurt you, babygirl. Tell me if you want me to s-,”

“God! Just fuck me Rogers!” you playfully slap his chiseled face and his smirk grew wider.

His body hovered over yours as he supported himself up with his elbows, placed on either side of your head.

He moved his hips just the slightest and you felt his length stretch you to your maximum.

 “Fuck, baby! You’re so fucking tight, shit!” you heard his groan under his breath as his lips found their way to your neck, kissing and biting the skin like he owned it.

 Hearing him swear was always a turn on for you, and as your heard his vulgar words, your core got wetter and wetter – lubricating and easing his way as he rocked in and out of you.

He started slow, and when he realized that you had gotten used to his size – he sped up.

Sweat formed in between his eyebrows as he pounded into your heat. Your legs instinctively reached around his waist and you locked him in place.

One of his hands reached around your back as he lifted your back slightly off the bed sheets. The new angle allowed his length to stroke sensitive spots you didn’t know you had. Your wet walls clenched carefully around him and pumped him nicely.

His tip grazed your g-spot with almost every thrust and you were beginning you lose yourself in his embrace. Your head clouded with lust, passion and your love for him. And suddenly all that mattered in the world was the way your body connected with his in that moment. All you cared about was how he made you feel loved. All you could focus on was the filthy words which escaped his mouth.

 His hand left your back and flew to your clit. He rubbed the little nub furiously and soon, the sweet, all too familiar pressure began forming itself right at your heat. And you knew you couldn’t hold it in much longer.

 “Steve! Fuck, I’m so close, Captain. Can I cum, please?” you asked, unsure of whether you made any sense. And you heard him grunt and moan your name once again.

Hearing you calling him ‘Captain’ in bed was something which turned him on more than anything. And having you squirming underneath him, naked and at his mercy was a sight he would never forget.

“Hold on, baby. Just a little longer,” he whispered against your sweet spot and moved his mouth over yours once again, drinking in all the moans and cuss words which left your lips as he fucked you into oblivion. Your tight entrance applied just the right amount of pressure around his shaft and it was hard even for the super soldier to hold back his release.

 His kissed you and you moaned into his mouth and soon, his thrust started getting more and more irregular. You knew he was close and suddenly you couldn’t keep it in anymore. The pressure building at your core became too much to hold back, so you let go. And you came undone around him.

“Fuck! Captain!,” was all you could say as you moaned out loud.

Your heartbeat rand in your ears as your back arched off the bed and your chest pressed against his. The feeling of your bare body against his was what brought about his intense orgasm.

He moaned out loud and felt his warm seed fill the condom. His heart rate increased as well, and your ragged breath against his cheek was the only thing he could focus on.

His length went limp inside you and he carefully slipped it out.

He removed the condom off, tied it and threw it somewhere on the ground; it being the last thing he cared about right now. His body fell on top of yours, yet he was careful as to not apply all of his body weight on top of yours because given that you were not enhanced in anyway – it would definitely crush you.

 You wrapped your limbs around him once again as he moved to lay right next to you on the bed.

“I’ve always liked this bed, you know. And having you in it with me is just, heaven on Earth,” he whispered, kissing your sweaty forehead as he held you close.

 You chuckled at his absolutely random confession.

You calmed you heartbeat and breathing before replying.

 “I love you, Steve. Anywhere is heaven on Earth when I’m with you,” you confessed and placed a kiss on his chest before laying your head on top of it.

He laughed and placed a kiss on top of your hair, while stroking it gently.

It was true, this was your true definition of happiness. Here, with him in your bed; both of you tired and worn out from making love, limbs tangled with one another, the smell of sex in the air as you both tried to calm your racing hearts.

This was how you intended to spend the rest of your life, with him.

 However, you couldn’t help but hear the faint whisper of your conscience asking you if he wanted the same.

Was this what he wanted as well? Did he envision his forever being with you?

 You tried your hardest to silence the faint voice down.

 “Hey, earlier in your text you said you needed to talk. Is everything okay?” you asked, desperately wanting that the little voice would just shut up.

His charming smile faded instantly as soon as those words left your mouth.

“Steve? Is everything okay?” you asked again and he shifted from under you and laid on his side, facing you properly as his hand flew to your cheek, his knuckles gently caressing the soft skin.

 “We, uh, had another meeting today. Well, more like a heated discussion, if not an argument really. All of us, and Pepper was there too. I guess that’s why she was late to pick up Morgan, I don’t know. Look, what I-“

“You guys had a meeting without me? Why? Steve, I deserve to know what’s going on just like the rest of you do,” you couldn’t hide the hurt in your voice. And he caught it.

 You sat up and pulled your blanket to cover your body from the chilly air coming from the AC.

Steve sighed and sat up too, getting under the covers with you.

You both leaned against the head board as Steve tried his best to answer to your queries.

 “I know. And you do, you have the complete right to be mad at all of us, but just know that it was my idea not to tell you,” he explained and you couldn’t help but feel unwanted.

 “Why?” was all you asked, your voice cracking in the process, and he sighed again before continuing.

 “I proposed something. And I didn’t need someone else to tell me what a horrible idea it was while none of you understood that this is the right way to do it,” his words confused you.

“Steve, I don’t understand, what I-,”

 “That stones. I’m gonna go return them, tomorrow. It’s high time now. How long are we gonna hold on to them and pretend that it’s too dangerous. We have to get them back to where they belong. Please, I was hoping that at least you would understand where I’m coming from,” he pleaded and you simply couldn’t ignore the lump in your throat.

You had all collectively agreed that it was a dangerous mission, with a crap ton of risks. And now, Steve was willing to risk it all.

 “But, can’t someone else go? We can’t risk you Cap,” you were on the verge of tears. And he pulled you into his lap and held you close; placing his forehead against yours.

 “And I can’t risk any of you while I sit here and wait. I have to be the one to do it. I’m the Captain, don’t forget that,” he further argued and the tears fell down your cheeks because you couldn’t hold them back anymore.

You were crying because you were afraid you would lose him, but also, because he was adamant; he was hell bent since day one about how he was the one who should go return the stones and ever since – you couldn’t help but feel as though this was more than him carrying out his ‘Captain’ duties. Somewhere, deep within your heart, you truly believed that he was trying to change something in his past. And that hurt you more than losing him.

 “What if you miss the timing? What if you get stuck somewhere, we’ll never know. What if you get stuck, out of time, again? What if y-,”

 “Shh, hey baby. I’ll be okay. I’ll be fine. I’ll come back to you, I will. I will come back to all of you. I promise you,” he pulled you in for a kiss and suddenly, for some weird reason, you felt like he was drifting far from you. But he was right there, in your arms, then why did it feel like he wasn’t?

 You reluctantly agreed.

“Fine. I, I love you okay. Come back to me, please,” you whispered against his lips.

He didn’t answer, but he did capture your lips in a lazy, deep kiss. His hands held you close to him and in that moment; you forgot everything.

And you were too busy to notice that he didn’t say anything when you confessed your love for him.

   Steve left after you both went for round 2, and cuddled for a while. You asked Mr. J to turn back on in the first floor and you went in your bathroom for a much needed bath.

While your body soaked in the tub, filled with peach scented oils and frothy bath bombs – you couldn’t stop the tears once again.

You thought about everything; your dad, your broken family and how alone you would be if it weren’t for Steve.

And while you were at it, you thought about Steve as well. What a story he had, of a super soldier trapped out of time in a world he didn’t quite fit in.

You thought about how scared he must have been when he woke up for the first time in 70 years, in the middle of a bustling city; out of time.

You thought about how heartbroken he must’ve felt when he realized that he had left his first love behind while he was stuck in this advanced world; out of time.

 Hot tears fell down your face as your racing thoughts didn’t stop.

 What if this isn’t what he wants?

Steve’s been trying so hard to fit in this fast paced world – one where he wasn’t supposed to be in the first place.

What if it was selfish of you to forcing him to stay here with you?

Maybe, you thought, you should just leave him the choice while the power would be in his hands tomorrow?

This, was never the life he chose. He’s trapped here. But what if he could change that, and live the life he wanted? What if he could really be with the one he once truly loved?

 Your heart broke hearing your own thoughts, but you knew you had to let him go. Your dad taught you better than to be selfish when it comes to love. And you were gonna do the right thing, tomorrow.

  -NEXT MORNING-

 Guess it’s safe to say that you woke up wiser. You knew just what to do.

After a quick breakfast, you drove straight to the compound and made your way inside once you parked your car.

 “And she finally left the house! I’m so happy you’re here, y/n!” Wanda gave you a long hug and you two casually talked for a while.

A few minutes later, Bruce walked in with Sam hot on his heels and it looked like they were arguing.

 “…but you’re sure that he’ll make it back in one single piece because dude, he’s Captain America and one single mistake on your part and the entire country is gonna kick your huge, green a- Y/N! Hey, you’re here too!” Sam pulled you in for a hug as well.

You chuckled and hugged him back tightly.

 “Hey birdie, missed me?” you asked and he just gave you one of his soft, caring smiles.

“Can’t lie, I did miss your annoying ass,” he answered and soon, Bruce picked you up from behind.

 “HEY! We missed you!” the gentle giant said and you tried your best not giggle as he tickled your sides.

“I missed you guys too. Is Steve here?” you asked and Sam quickly told you that he was upstairs getting his quantum suit on.

 You told the rest of the team that you’d be back in a minute as you rushed upstairs. You needed to talk to him urgently.

While on your way up, you bumped into a hard body.

“Shit! I’m so sorry,” you quickly apologized and looked up only to be met with a pair of crystal blue eyes.

Bucky placed his metal arm on your shoulder and gave it a little squeeze, smiling gently at you.

 “You okay, doll? You seem a little shaken up, you alright?” he asked and you nodded, unable to speak because you were mentally rehearsing the speech you were about to deliver to Steve.

“Okay, I’m here if you ever need to talk. See you around,” he said and made his way downstairs.

 You rushed through the corridor until you reached Steve’s room. You knocked and from inside came a muffled voice.

“Come in, Y/n,” was all it said and you pushed the door open and rushed inside.

“Hey Steve, uh, can we talk?” you asked.

“Sure, what’s wrong?” he asked, fixing his suit and securing the Pym particle on his side.

“I, I love you. Okay, I really do. You helped me when I couldn’t help myself. You, and the others, you got me out of my misery and you always knew how to cheer me up. Even when dad was gone, you were always there. You’re my best friend Steve, you’re my rock, and I love you. But…”

Your voice trailed off as you didn’t know how to word your emotions. You loved him, you really did – but holding on to him and asking him to stay would be selfish. And you couldn’t be selfish anymore, not when he had the chance to get his life, and his first love back. You wanted him to be happy, you wanted him to have the happy life he deserved. Even if it meant, not sharing the life with you.

“But? But what- hey are you okay? Y/n, please don’t cry, tell me what’s wrong babe, please,” he walked up to you and wrapped his arm around you while his other hand caressed your cheeks, wiping away your fallen tears in the process.

 You sniffled and thought, maybe you should just say it.

“I, uh, I think you should stay back. I think you should live your life, with Peggy, back in time,” you whispered and for just a split moment, his breathing stopped.

He didn’t say a word so you thought you should clarify things further.

“No one has to know, Steve. I know you don’t fit in here. I know you loved her, a lot. And in just a matter of time, you’ll have the power in your hands. The stones, you can use them and, maybe, stay behind and live the happy life you deserve. With her, she’s the love of your life after all,” you said, a few more tears falling down your cheeks.

These ones, he didn’t wipe away because he was unable to move as the words left your mouth.

 “Y/n… I, what? I can’t leave?” it sounded more like a question than a statement to you.

“You deserve it, Steve. I won’t say a word to anyone. I will always love and respect you as a person Steve. I value our friendship more than anything. All the time I spent with you, all those moments, they’ll always be special to me. But you deserve a happy life, Captain. One where you’re not out of time, one which you spend with the love of your life. You deserve that, Steve, you really do. As for us, we’ll manage, don’t worry,” you wiped your tears and hugged him tightly.

 “You are one of the best person I’ve ever met, y/n. I love you, I, I don’t know what to say,” he whispered against your hair.

You smiled.

 You were hurting, but realizing the true happiness he’ll receive once he goes back made everything better. You loved him, and you were gonna lose him, but somehow, it felt like it needed to happen.

  You both walked out of the room and the entire team was waiting for you outside. It was time for Steve to go, but the rest of the team had no idea; that he was actually going.

You could see the worry clear on Sam’s face, while Bucky was smiling faintly at you.

Wanda was nowhere to be seen, and Bruce was busy with the time machine. You both walked up to the machine and Steve stopped to give Sam and then Bucky a hug. The two super soldiers shared a hundred year old inside joke and you smiled looking at both of them.

When they pulled away from the hug, Bucky gave you a half smile, and a curious look. One which you couldn’t quite understand but you soon shook it off as Steve wrapped his arms around you once again.

“Thank you, y/n, for everything,” he whispered quietly in your ear.

You inhaled his faint cologne one last time and gave his body a tight hug.

“Thank you for everything, Steve. Now, go live your life Captain,” you whispered back in his ear and he pulled away smiling.

 Steve stepped on the time machine and smiled back at all of you.

“How long is it gonna take?” Sam asked Bruce. The worry in his tone was still very audible.

“For him, however long he needs. For us, ten seconds,” Bruce replied, going through everything one more time.

You stood right next to the machine and soon, Bucky was by your side.

“You did the right thing, y/n. It was a hard decision, but I’m glad you took the right one,” he whispered in your ear, and his words were unheard by both Sam and Bruce.

 You turned your head abruptly to face him but before you could say anything, Bruce spoke up.

“Going quantum in 3, 2, 1,” and while he spoke, Steve’s mask was on and the machine whirred loudly.

And within a nanosecond, Steve was gone. And your heart felt heavy again.

A couple of seconds passed and the worry on Sam’s face grew even more prominent.

“And back in 3, 2, 1,” Bruce said, flipping a switch or two.

 But nothing happened. Steve didn’t come back. He listened to you after all.

 While Sam and Bruce argued over what was happening, you felt a cold, metal hand against your cheek. It was Bucky, and you didn’t realize that he had held you close to him the whole time as you watched Steve leaving.

“Don’t cry doll, you did the right thing,” he whispered and you nodded.

“Thanks Buck, I know. He deserved it, he deserved a chance to live his life with the one he truly loves,” you spoke in a low voice and he hugged you tightly.

   ***

He left her lonely with a diamond mind And those ocean eyes

[florencemeivey]

An End, Once and For All (Final Chapter of Somewhere Down the Line)

Like it always seems to do, life went on, and this time, it was free from the Reapers. The galaxy had a lot of rebuilding to do, and a lot of losses to grieve, but much to celebrate as well. 

Shortly after she learned to walk on her own, Shepard’s survival was officially announced. The Alliance gave her command of the Normandy again; it would serve as the newly-titled Admiral Shepard’s personal flagship for the fleet she would be given control of. It was the least they could do, nearly everyone agreed. Shepard herself was honored, but knew that there was something she had to do before she took up the reins of Admiral. 

She asked for Joker until one day, he decided to come. That first visit was mainly him yelling at Shepard, which she patiently took, as she knew being yelled at was the least she deserved. The moment of truth was when Joker asked her if it had been Garrus’ life on the line, would she have made the same decision? Shepard had to admit that she probably wouldn’t have. While she thought this would truly drive Joker away, it in fact paved the way for forgiveness. It took many more visits before Shepard convinced Joker to resume his position as the Normandy’s pilot, and a few years before Joker would call her a friend again, but eventually he did. 

He never forgot EDI. Shepard gifted him the miniature EDI Tali had given to her when Joker agreed to come back on as pilot, and Joker kept it in the cockpit at his side. When no one was around, he would press the button on her back and listen to her voice. Somewhere along the way, this act stopped breaking his heart, and instead made him smile and remember.

Eventually, Joker found love again, in the new shuttle pilot that replaced Steve Cortez. Witty and daring, Stella Holbrooke was more than a match for Joker both in personality and flying talent, and gradually, she helped heal his broken heart. They got married, and chose to remain child-free as they stayed faithfully on with the Normandy as she continued to traverse the skies, piloting side by side. 

The reason Cortez left the Normandy in the first place, allowing Stella to join the crew, was because he too found love again, in the arms of Kaidan Alenko. The two men married a few years after the Reapers were defeated, and took jobs in the Alliance that allowed them to stay on Earth. They ended up adopting an orphaned human child and living out their days quietly, however they always stayed in touch with the former Normandy crew and with Shepard, who was very happy for them.

Traynor, however, decided that ship life was for her. She was no longer content to sit in labs, and instead wanted more experience in the field. She remained on the Normandy and served faithfully. She ended up finding love in one of the very gay bars Steve had offered to take her to, with another Alliance member- Private Gemma Aberdeen. The women were kept largely separate due to their careers; Gemma served on another fleet. However, they kept their long-distance relationship alive, and after years of dating, were married. Gemma was offered a position on the Normandy, and until their retirement from the Alliance, the couple stayed on and served together. 

On the topic of the Normandy, there was one person who stayed even longer than Shepard herself, and that was James Vega. His request to be officially instituted as Normandy crew was approved by the Alliance (who were perhaps just a little pressured by Shepard,) and true to his word, he joined after his N7 training and became Shepard’s second-in-command. After she made the decision to retire from ship life, Shepard passed the ship on to James, and he assumed the helm of Commander. He served in the Alliance until the day he died; because of this, he never settled down, though he did have a son. His son followed in his father’s footsteps as an Alliance soldier once he was of age, making James very proud. 

Not everyone could stay on the ship, however. Liara left the crew to continue her work as the Shadow Broker, though she remained in contact with her former crew members, and used her vast information network to help keep them all safe. She did end up writing a book about protheans with the help of Javik, and it was a huge and instant hit. The two went on a galaxy-wide book tour, and in that span of time and against their former conflict, they fell in love. They ended up marrying and having three children- in a way, the protheans were given a new chance at life. Javik never attempted to get Liara to leave her line of work, but she made that decision when she got pregnant for the first time. She faked her death as the Shadow Broker in one last dramatic and exciting move, before settling down and resuming her work as an archaeologist. With the help of Javik she was already a prothean expert, so she expanded her range of interest to other extinct races, and to the Reapers themselves. Javik contented himself with having gotten a second chance, and spent the rest of his life at Liara’s side, basking in her love and the curiosity of the “primitives'' about him. 

Wrex and Grunt returned to Tuchanka and helped with the rebuilding efforts. Wrex stayed in power until he died of natural causes at a very old age, and in his time created a new and wonderful utopia for the krogan. With the help of his alien friends and his own work in the war, he secured new planets for the krogan, and his species boomed in population, both because of the eradication of the genophage and because of the serious work Wrex put in to improving life for all of the krogan. He had untold amounts of children, though his closest relationship was with his eldest son with Bakara, Mordin. Grunt was Wrex’s loyal right-hand man, and he assumed the role of leader when Wrex passed. He also had many children, and he continued on Wrex’s great work. Under the rule of these two, the korgan became as respected in the galaxy as they were feared, and they regained their spot in council space and affairs. 

Tali returned to her people, and helped in the reconstruction process. She, like many of the other quarians, mourned the geth and their sacrifice, something she told Shepard she never thought she would do. After much discussion among the quarians, it was decided that the geth would not be revived. They did not want to repeat their mistakes, and they did not want the deaths of the geth to be somehow invalidated through their resurrection. Tali was key in arguing against the revival of the geth, and she marveled over the fact that her decision was based on her compassion for the geth, rather than her old hatred and fear. Instead, the geth were honored, and the quarians remembered them always for their help and sacrifice. Tali eventually got her house on Rannoch. She also found love there, with an ambitious turian architect named Janus who had come to help with the rebuilding of Tali’s homeworld (the fact that he was a turian surprised no one, given her rather obvious former crush on Garrus.) Janus moved to Rannoch after his work was complete, and he and Tali married. Biology was just compatible enough that the two managed to have a turian-quarian hybrid baby, and they lived happily on the quarian homeworld together as a family. 

Miranda finally was able to build a relationship with her sister Oriana, now that the threat of their father was gone. She traveled the galaxy doing all sorts of exciting things, but always made time to come back and see her beloved sister. Unfortunately, because of Miranda’s extensive genetic modification, she was unable to ever have children of her own, something she wanted desperately. To fill this void, she threw herself into her work. She never married, but did end up adopting a human child of her own in her later years, and proved a doting, loving mother. 

Jacob didn’t get to propose to Brynn under the cherry blossoms of the Citadel because of its destruction in the war, but he managed to propose shortly after their daughter Carrie turned one in a way that was more than satisfactory for both parties. Jacob chose to rejoin the Alliance, and Brynn also joined. They were stationed together at an Alliance lab and lived a relatively happy and peaceful life, having a whopping five children together total. Despite his worries, Jacob proved to be an excellent father. 

Samara resumed her work as a justicar, though she allowed herself more time to visit her only surviving daughter, Falere, at the monastery. With Samara’s help, the monastery was rebuilt and Falere became the head of the new generation of Ardat-Yakshi sent to live there. When not with her daughter, Samara continued to grow her renown through various missions, some of which were with Shepard; Samara kept her promise to her old friend and was always there when Shepard needed her. She never fell back in love or produced more children, and she died an old justicar, upholding the code that she so respected and followed. 

Jack continued to teach at Grissom Academy, and achieved great success there with her students. At Shepard’s urging, she began therapy and gradually began the healing process from her traumatic childhood. When not teaching, she helped root out remaining Cerberus cells, and was a fierce and outspoken protector of biotically-gifted children. She never had children or married, but she was never lonely either. Between those who came and went from her love life, her students, and her friends from the Normandy, Jack finally found a place to settle and feel loved and safe. 

Kasumi continued her work as a thief; although Shepard never heard about it directly, she knew when she heard of grand heists that had gone unsolved, that Kasumi was likely involved. Kasumi continued her life in the shadows until her death. She never moved on from Keiji, and when she died, she was found clutching his gray box. Plenty of thieves followed Kasumi, but not one ever surpassed her. 

Zaeed for the most part retired. He still killed when the need arose and still took odd jobs here and there when they caught his eye or he needed the extra money, but for the most part he enjoyed the rest of his life in the debauchery he so loved. He died unmarried with no acknowledged children, asleep on a beach in Illium, which suited him just fine. 

As for Shepard and Garrus, their stories continued intertwined. The two married in a small and intimate ceremony with the support of all of their friends and Garrus’ family, his father having liked Shepard after all, despite Garrus’ predictions. When the Normandy finally left Earth, Shepard was once again at the helm, and Garrus was at her side. He was permitted to stay on the ship as the “official liaison” between the Alliance and the Turian Hierarchy. 

Shepard for the most part enjoyed being Admiral. She liked the honor it entailed and being able to bring aboard anyone she pleased, however she wasn’t as crazy about the responsibility and the decreased amount of time she was able to spend actively on missions herself. Still, she was happy with her position in life, and she performed as well an Admiral as she had a Commander.

In her recovery, Shepard regained most of her old functioning, though she was left with a slight limp and new facial scarring. It was a small price to pay in her eyes, however, for the third chance at life she had been given. She knew that she was lucky, and she had no intention of wasting this go-around. That was why, after five more years at the Normandy helm, Shepard stepped down. Much as she loved being in the Alliance, she was ready for the next part of her life. She remained an Admiral, but moved to a more administrative position in the Alliance. Garrus became an important member of the Hierarchy by continuing his work as the go-between for the Hierarchy and the human race, and the two settled on Earth. Shepard missed ship life, and leaving hadn’t been an easy decision to make, but it was still the right one. Life goes on, you’ll recall, whether we are ready for it or not. 

The next part of their life, and part of their settling down, was becoming parents. Biology would not cooperate for the two, as Shepard had predicted, so the couple adopted. No krogan children became Shepard-Vakarians, despite what Garrus had said. After the Genophage, no krogan was willing to let a child go into alien hands. Instead, they adopted a human baby boy they named David Thane Shepard-Vakarian, and a turian baby girl they named Soleira EDI Shepard-Vakarian. The two were adopted at the same time and raised as twins, and the little family became quite famous; Shepard and Garrus’ relationship and their children were touted all over the galaxy as paragons of inter-species love and family. 

Over all the years, the couple kept in touch with their former crew, who had become both friends and family. Every year, they made a point to get together, and once spouses and children were included, the parties got quite large. Nevertheless, they all kept in contact. They may have all gone their separate ways, but they refused to forget their Normandy family.

As for Shepard and Garrus, the two proved to be the kind of couple who only fell more in love as time went on. There were ups and downs- there always are- but for the most part the two lived very happy lives together. As they always had, they watched each other’s backs, explored the galaxy, and did what they could to make it a better place, even if only slightly. 

Because of their efforts, the galaxy enjoyed a peace and safety it had never had before. Their friends and their children could live, could have that opportunity so many had been denied. And because of their love? Cliche as it sounds, because of their love, Shepard and Garrus lived happily ever after, together. 

~The End...Once and For All~

[avengerscompound]

Recovery

Recovery: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers

Word Count:  2375

Warnings:  Angst, some foreplay and mentions of sex, grief, ptsd

Synopsis:  Five months since the death of Daisy, Bucky has pulled away from Steve unable to come to terms with his feelings of responsibility for her death. Steve and Wanda pull together to bring him around for the holidays.

A/N:  Follow up to Finding Home.

Recovery

They’d settled in Canada.  Canada didn’t sign the Sokovia accords.  They also had places remote enough that they could be alone, but they were still connected to the world enough that if something were to happen … well, they’d be there ready to defend the world like they’d always done in the past.

Wanda had come with them.  They’d told her it was fine, they could handle it.  She didn’t like the idea of them being alone and not having any way to deal with the kid’s abilities.  Also, she hated being on the run alone.  She’d spent her life with someone constantly by her side.  Now he was gone, she was lost and she needed the consistency of other people she knew and trusted.  Steve had always understood her, so she stayed by his side.

Steve was slowly moving on from his grief at the loss of Daisy.  He was used to being the strong one.  It was what he did.  Having the kids helped.  They needed him.  Having Bucky helped more.  He kept telling himself this was what she wanted.  Since the day they’d met she just wanted to get Bucky back to him, and now she had.  So he was going to appreciate her sacrifice.  

Bucky was struggling more.  It was strange.  He couldn’t shake the feeling that her death was just one more person’s blood on his hands.  Yet now she’d freed him from the soldier, he found himself being happy more and more.  Happy like he was back when Steve was just a little guy and he hadn’t been sent off to war.  Anytime that happened his grief swallowed him even deeper.  The thought of his happiness being solely due to the fact the woman he loved died felt impossible to live with.

As the seasons changed and Christmas approached Steve became single-minded about making it a good one.  This was his family now.  He wanted to start making happy memories for them.  He needed it.  For himself.  For all of them.

He started by taking everyone shopping.  He knew it was risky, but they all bundled up and driven the two hours it took to get to any sort of shops.  They had limited funds but were able to buy decorations and gifts.  Sarah fussed constantly.  She wasn’t used to being around so many minds and she hadn’t worked out how to block them out.  

They bought supplies to help get them through the winter too.  Making sure they had all the things needed for a proper Christmas dinner.  

When they got home Steve went and cut down a small pine tree.  First checking to make sure nothing had made their home in it.  He set it up in the living room and he and Wanda decorated it together.  

Jamie and Sarah became obsessed with the tree.   Sarah, much like her brother had physically developed very fast.  At five months old she was crawling around and pulling herself up on things.  She babbled constantly.  Steve erected a small fence around it to keep them away from the gifts, but the two toddlers would stand and stare and reach their hands in trying to grab the colorful baubles and brightly wrapped presents.  

Wanda gave them a pack of colorful magnets depicting various farm animals to distract them.  The two would toddle around the house finding things that would stick on.  Yes to the fridge.  No to the wall.  Yes to a lamp.  No to the couch.  No to one daddy.  Yes to the other.  

The discovery that magnets stuck to only one person in the house became the most interesting game of all.  Anytime Bucky sat down a little body or two would toddle over and start sticking them to him.  He’d sit and let them create their scenes and when they were done he’d flex the plates on his arm and they’d all go flying causing Jamie and Sarah to squeal with delight and go gather them back up again.  

“That looks like fun,”  Steve said, finding the three playing together on the couch.  He sat down and put his arm around Bucky.  

Bucky’s face fell.  He’d allowed himself time to be happy again.

“Daddy’s sad,”  Jamie said, climbing into Bucky’s lap.  He touched his hands on his head.  

Steve picked Jamie up.  “We don’t change people’s feelings, remember?”  He said.

Jamie grumbled and wriggled out of Steve’s arms.  Climbing back into Bucky’s lap and resting his head against Bucky’s chest.  Steve leaned over and ran his hand through the little boy’s hair.  

“She would want you to be happy, Buck,”  Steve said. “She’d want these moments for you.”

“She’d want to be alive,”  Bucky said, looking away from Steve.

“She knew the risk.  Everyone told her.  She wanted you to be happy.  She wanted us to be happy.  It’s not your fault she made that choice.”  Steve said.  Sarah had started tugging at his leg and he lifted her up and held her on his knee.  

“Yeah, but if I just …”  

“No buts, Buck.  It’s what she wanted.  She died for it.  You could at least allow it to happen when it does.  You don’t always have to be happy, but let yourself be happy when you are.”

Sarah was tugging impatiently at Steve’s shirt.

“Sawa wans a boddle.”  Jamie said, interrupting the conversation.

Steve looked down at his daughter.  “Is that what you want, little miss?”  

“Ba ba ba ba.”  She babbled.  

Steve got up, brushing his hand through Bucky’s hair as he did.  “I love you, pal.  I know I don’t say it much.  At least not in those words.  But I do.  I want to make this work, but I need you to want it too.”

Bucky let his head fall back over the end of the couch.  The door opened and Wanda stepped through accompanied by an icy blast of air.  “It’s started snowing.”  She said, stamping her feet and shrugging off her coat.  

Bucky turned to looked at her and Jamie stood in his lap and clambered up to his shoulder.  “Daddy’s sad.”  He said, making a pick me up gesture to Wanda.  “Fix him.”

She came over and lifted him.  “You know not to fix him with here.”  She said tapping Jamie on the forehead.  “You should fix him with here.”  She tapped his chest above his heart.

“You fix him,”  Jamie said.

Wanda laughed and sat down next to Bucky.  He lifted Jamie from Wanda’s arms and the little boy snuggled down into his chest again, his hand patting over his heart.

“Sorry,”  Bucky said.

“There’s no need to be.”  Wanda fiddled with her fingers.  “James, you know I knew Daisy too.  She and Steve were the first people to trust me on the Avengers.”

“Yeah.  But she didn’t…”

Wanda cut him off.  “I know her loss is worse for you.  I’m not trying to take it away from you.”  She said.  She started moving her fingers the glowing red light of her powers flickering across them.  Jamie shifted in Bucky’s lap to watch.  “One reason she trusted me was, she knew we shared a similar journey.  I was a child when I chose to go to Hydra.  So full of hate.  I had my brother.  Pietro.  We were tortured together to make us special.  They harnessed our anger and our fear and made it this.”  The light in her hand grew bigger and she snuffed it out.  Jamie grabbed her hand and started pulling on it to try and get the light back.  She ruffled his hair.  “She didn’t go to Hydra willingly, but her life was much the same.  Only she didn’t have a brother.  She had you.  You kept her alive and sane.  You made it so she never totally gave herself to Hydra.”

“I know all that,”  Bucky grumbled.  “Does this story have a point?”

“When Pietro and I saw the path our hate was taking us on, we joined the Avengers to undo it.  Pietro sacrificed himself to save Clint and a child.  I still don’t understand why that happened.  He was shot.  Yet he moved faster than bullets.   How does that happen?”  She shook her head like she was trying to clear it.  “That’s not the point.  The point is; is that it did happen.  I had always had Pietro.  Here.”  She touched her chest above her heart.  “And here.”  She touched her forehead.   “Much like you and Daisy.  When I lost him I felt it.  It was like my heart was torn out.  I still feel it to this day.”

“How do you live with that?”  Bucky asked.

“Because I have to.  It’s not always easy, but what choice do I have?  I can’t let my misery consume me.  And neither can you.  You’re a parent, and you have someone alive right here who loves you so much he has been carrying it with him for a century.  Are you really going to let your grief take you away from him again?  When the loss you mourn is for someone who gave you to him.”

Steve stepped back into the lounge feeding Sarah.  She was reclined back in his arms and beginning to drift off to sleep.   “Did you have a good walk, Wanda?”  He asked.

“I did, thank you.  Did you want me to take, Sarah?”  

Steve shook his head.  “I’ve got her.   I was thinking we should make eggnog tonight, maybe teach Jamie how to make s'mores.”  

“I have never made s’mores either.  I would love to learn.”  Wanda said, smiling.

“What do ya think, Buck?  Then maybe Jamie can leave cookies and milk out for Santa.”  Steve said.  

Bucky smiled.  “Yeah, that sounds great, pal.”  He looked down at Jamie and ruffled his hair.  “You should have a nap, little guy.”

“Not tired,”  Jamie grumbled rubbing his eyes.  

“Yes, you are.  Come on.”  Bucky stood up and started heading to the bedroom.

“No.”  Jamie pushed.  Bucky wavered for a moment and Wanda jumped to her feet.

“Hey, no using your abilities on your dad. Undo it.”  She said.

“No!”  Jamie cried.

“Undo it, right now,”  Wanda said, narrowing her eyes.  

Bucky suddenly shook his head and turned to Wanda.  “Damn.  He’s a little scary sometimes.”  

Wanda laughed but it was a nervous, uncomfortable laugh.  “He’ll be okay.  We can do this.”

“Thank you, Wanda.  And for before.”  Bucky said.

“Anytime, James.”

That night they spent together.  This weird mismatched family.   They toasted marshmallows on the open fire and turned them into s’mores.  Bucky made the eggnog, and Wanda made a dinner that was as close to a traditional Sokovian Christmas meal as she could.  Roast duck and spiced, potato dumplings, beef rolls on sauerkraut, bread, herb and ham balls in roast onion white sauce.

After dinner, they stayed up talking and singing songs together.  Bucky let himself actually feel true contentment for the first time since he signed up to join the army in 1942.  Right at this moment, he was safe and Steve was too.  He was himself.  He was a parent.  All the things he had dreamed of but never thought would ever come to fruition had happened.  He’d just been too deep in grief to appreciate it.

Steve and Bucky got the kids to sleep and said their goodnights to Wanda.  Steve started removing his clothes, getting ready for bed.  Bucky came up behind him, wrapping his arms around Steve.  He kissed him under the ear, grazing his teeth over his throat.  

Steve hummed and leaned back into Bucky.  Their mouths met, Bucky dominated Steve.  He’d been keeping himself from Steve for too long and he wanted Steve to know how much he wanted him and needed him.  His hands slid down into the waistband of Steve’s pants.  He stroked up and down the line of his Adonis’ belt and down to his inner thigh.

Steve pulled away, breaking their kiss.  “Buck.  Are you sure?  We haven’t…”

Bucky let Steve go and they turned to face each other.  He cupped Steve’s jaw and stroked his thumb along it.  “I’m sorry, Stevie.  I’m sorry I’ve left you alone to just care for us.  That you haven’t had a chance to grieve because you’ve just had to be the strong one.  I’m going to be here now.  I want us to be …”  He trailed off, not knowing how to end.

“Us?”  Steve asked.

Bucky nodded and Steve pulled him into a kiss, pressing his body tightly against Bucky’s.  They started to shed each other’s clothes as they moved towards the bed.  When they reached the mattress they just fell together, hands stroking, clawing and gripping at each other.  Their mouths battled.  The feelings that Bucky had been suppressing out of guilt and that Steve had been holding back to give him time all coming out at once.  Lust and love and passion.  Their complete need for each other.  

That night they made love three times.  Not concerned with the early start they had, or the fact that Sarah was likely to wake them at 2 AM. They just were unable to keep their hands off each other once they started.  Eventually, they fell asleep completely wrapped around each other.  They slept soundly until dawn.  The first time that had happened for either of them since 1945.  

They were awoken at sunrise by Jamie jumping on the bed and tapping them.  “Daddies.  Santa’s been.  You gotta wake up.”  

Bucky and Steve opened their eyes and looked around blearily.  “Did Sarah actually sleep through the night?”  Bucky asked.

“It’s a Christmas miracle.”  Steve laughed, rolling out of bed.  He grabbed his pajama pants from the ground and pulled them on.  “Okay, Jamie.  Let’s go get your sister and see what Santa brought you.”  He said picking Jamie up off the bed.  He grabbed Bucky’s boxers from the floor and tossed them at him.

“Love you, Buck.”

“Love you too, Stevie.”  Bucky laughed.  

“Me too?”  Jamie said pouting.  

Bucky sat up and pulled his boxers on.  “Of course I do, champ.  Love you to bits.”

Steve kissed his son on the head and headed to the kid’s bedroom.   “Daddy’s happy now,”  Jamie said, looking up at Steve.

“He’s getting there, buddy.  He’s getting there.”

[talix18]

November 21

Yesterday Katelyn called to see if I wanted to hang out. Katelyn is the almost 22-year-old who I call my adopted niece but she’s something more than that. I lived with K and her mom from the time K was 18 months old until she was four-and-a-half so I was her de facto other mom. I know it’s just the slightest approximation of what parenting must feel like but I treasure the memory of her being satisfied with coming to me if Mom wasn’t available. Three-year-old K running towards me when I showed up to pick her up from daycare. The memory of the Christmas when all K wanted from Santa was to see her father and her mother and I couldn’t make that happen – talk about powerlessness. Watching her sing at her high school variety show remembering how I’d been too terrified to sing in front of people…

She inherited some things from me – her opinions and eagerness to share them is probably the big one, but she also, somehow, has come to love Def Leppard (I suspect that’s her boyfriend’s influence). You already know how Def Leppard introduced me to my first boyfriend. I can tell you exactly where I was and who I was with when I heard about the car accident that ultimately took Rick Allen’s arm. I remember that someone who worked at a music store called me to tell me Steve Clarke had died. Def Leppard was my third concert (1st: Asia; 2nd: Stray Cats) – I still can’t believe Mom let me go with Allen and some of his friends at 15. Some people have made-up imaginary friends – mine were real people.

I went up to see K at her mom’s place after work (Kate’s mom and her husband of a year and a week are still on their delayed honeymoon in Tennessee) and we talked about all kinds of things. She said something about Def Leppard touring with Motley Crue, which led me to the Crue documentary I just watched on Netflix over the weekend. I was a fan – saw them open for Ozzy once; had a poster on my ceiling for a while – but the milestones in their lives were vague memories. Of course Tommy was married to Heather Locklear and Vince committed vehicular manslaughter, but that was most of what I knew.

The documentary is an unflinching portrait of the toll drugs took on the band – specifically Nikki Sixx – but that’s not the part that really got to me. I know how addiction works. I had to stop the movie to Google what happened to Vince Neil’s daughter after her cancer diagnosis, which paid off as the next scene opened on her dead four-year-old body laying in the hospital bed. So now I’m having feelings about poor Vince losing his daughter after killing his friend how many years after the fact?

On the way home, after playing a Def Leppard song, the DJ mentioned the tour with Crue and I had to call Katelyn. We are definitely going, I assured her, now that I have even more emotions tied up with these people. I am definitely not thinking about the fact that “Crue called their friends in Def Leppard” to arrange the tour because I assume that means the Leps were also hard partiers and I’d rather not consider all the sordid debauchery that follows along. (Poison is also on the bill, and we’re all down with Bret since Rock of Love. Don’t threaten me with a good time!)

K and I also watched Mean Girls, which I had never seen, and I’m always happy to patch up a hole in my cultural reference knowledge. “Her hair is so big because it’s full of secrets” is everything. Feel free to welcome me to fifteen years ago.

I have to believe the increased meds dosage is making a difference. Tuesday alone I scheduled a doctor’s appointment (colorectal), an ultrasound (thyroid), a dinner/movie date with a friend, a massage, an eye exam, and a dentist’s appointment AND I enrolled for supplemental vision insurance. It seems like a reasonable amount to accomplish in one day, but I’d been putting off some of these appointments for months. Why is it so hard to pick up the phone and call someone? I will never be able to explain it. Trust me – I wish I could help people understand! The best I can do is recognize that I’m functioning more effectively and keep track of what I’m doing that’s different.

Yesterday I committed to flying to Boston to see a friend get married on New Year’s Eve. “Black tie optional”? Hell yeah I want to go hang out in that hotel and see that venue that my amazing friend and her intended are having a black-tie optional shin-dig in! I can’t imagine my lifestyle ever affording me such luxurious splurges on the regular so I need to take advantage of the opportunities when they manifest. Besides, I already have a dress that I got for a black-tie New Year’s Even anniversary party a few years ago; wearing it a second time makes it an even better value! (We don’t discuss how much money I ultimately spend on a wrap and statement earrings.) (Ack! I need to make an appointment with Katelyn for my hair!)

I haven’t seen Karen (the friend getting married) in FIVE years, which seems impossible, but there it is. Karen is one of my original gang of Webpeeps – Webpepes 1.0! Most of us met on a news aggregate website, got to know each other in the forum (4um elites represent), and created a new bulletin board to hang out in. At our peak we had about 150 members but the core group was about 40, and I’ve had the pleasure of meeting at least 30 of us in meatspace.

The first time I met Karen (GreenBeans/GB) was at her then husband’s 30TH (?) birthday party. Rider (PsiDefect), Tim (GasMasher), and I drove my car up to Boston from Philly (Tim and I drove up from MD) to surprise this dude we’d never met, and that cemented my friendship with both Karen and Ted (Law). Their marriage broke up some time ago, which I learned the weekend she and I got together in Orlando with Catrina (CatWritr) and CJ (Hajen). Which was somehow five full years ago.

The first time I met ANY of these nerds was…I don’t even know how long ago at the original Farkoasterfest. I lived with Katelyn and Vanessa at the time and V straight up took pictures of Rider and his license plate when he pulled up to scoop me and head out to Sandusky, OH. I do know I was working at SSA and it was relatively early in my tenure, so early-2000s? It was also probably the first time I spent an entire weekend with people not in recovery since I’d gotten clean. Several hundred miles away with nearly perfect strangers – who thought that was a good idea?

It turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Some of the people I met that weekend and after are straight up some of my closest friends. It was my first experience making friends as an adult, which is startlingly difficult to do. My first group of friends that didn’t start in our hometown or on campus or in recovery – people I connected with in a realm where all we had was the words on the screen and our wit.

Places I’ve since hung out with these people include Seattle twice, Cedar Point one or two more times, Northern VA, DC, PA, and Toledo. I’ve seen at least three couples wed and have almost ten kids between them. I dated the guy in Toledo for a few years. I flew out to Seattle for Andrea (BigOrangeCat/TheOtherAndrea)’s 40th birthday party and to visit her in the hospital before she died. We helped Amy (Hisey) mourn the loss of her nearly full-term daughter. We helped Joe (ThedNeedles) deal with his ex keeping his son away from him – some of his helped him with legal aid. We watched each other’s kids grow up and have kids of their own. Norm (Zorgon) just emailed to let me know he was in town (-ish –northern DC suburb) and wanted to connect but was laden with germs – we get together for a meal very few years when work brings him this way. Never let anyone tell you your online friends don’t count.

(Logging back in to the old bulletin board to count heads gifted me with a video of Mike (BitZero) (father of FarKoasterFest) smashing up some obsolete Fark hardware. Good times!)

I reached out to CJ and Cat to see if either one was planning on coming to the wedding to offer the other side of the king-sized bed I’ll be sleeping in in Boston and I’m glad I did. CJ’s got a handful of kids so money is always a concern and I’m paying for the room whether I’m alone or with someone else. We’ll be FaceTiming Cat at midnight and maybe during the ceremony too.

In fact, I’ve been suspiciously functional this week. Monday was meh, but since then I’ve had three good, productive days in a row. I have no specific plans tonight so I could go to a meeting, or I could go home and see if any of this momentum can be channeled into house projects. Coming up with a fictional framing device has given me the opportunity to figuratively walk myself through the necessary steps to get started. So whatever comes of this writing exercise, it’s been worth doing.

[deimagines]

Second Chance (A Steve Rogers‘s Sister Imagine)

Imagine that Steve Rogers A.K.A. Captain America. Actually has a baby sister who was only eight when Steve has to leave her in the care of their neighbor to go to war and was ten when she was told that her brother had disappeared and was soon entitled dead in action.

And then, almost seventy years later, Steve was told that his sister was still alive and had shockingly worked for SHIELD before going into retirement. Unfortunately, she has cancer and is about to die soon. And in her final moments, she asked him to do one final mission for her.

To raise her only granddaughter.

(This will also include a few ocs, and again I hope you enjoy!!)

(Play me)

~1942 (Brooklyn, New York)

“Okay Y/N,” Steve calls. “Time for bed.” 

Y/N Rogers. The eight-year-old sister of Steve Rogers was not only the biggest sweetheart in the world. But she was the only thing that Steve would ever consider the only family that he has other than Bucky, who he had considered as a brother since they were kids.

Y/N runs through her room that Steve made her clean before she took her bath and brushed her teeth. It was a normal routine that Steve had become used to ever since their mother passed away. Unfortunately, Y/N didn’t have a chance to get to know their mother very well. And it was hard to answer her questions about why they didn’t have a mother or a father when all the other kids like her have.

Steve didn’t have a choice but to answer truthfully in the most gentle way as possible. He told her that their mother had to be away. And that she was so sorry that she couldn’t be with them longer. Y/N soon then understand why they needed to visit the large stone that Steve took her once and every year on the birthday of their mother.

Once Y/N was in bed and Steve tucks her in and kisses her forehead. 

“Night Y/N.”

But before he could leave the room. She calls out to him in a soft tone.

“Steve.”

“Yeah?”

“Ginger wants a song.” She holds her handmade toy, that she made with their neighbor Miss Audry, and held it a bit high to show Steve. 

He smiled and came right back to her side bed. “Well, what does ‘Ginger’ want to hear?” He sat at the edge.

“The one you always sing,” Y/N answered. “Please.” She gave him the eyes that could possibly make all men hearts melt no doubt when she grows older.

Steve chuckles quietly and leans closer to her. “Alright, but then it’s off to sleep. Ok?”

Y/N nodded happily and lay back down and snuggled into the blankets. 

“At last my love has come along

My lonely days are over.

And life is like a song.”

Steve smiled as his sister began to drift off to sleep and she purposely holds his hand that was resting on her stomach while he sang and smiled lovingly as he continued.

“You smiled and then the spell was cast

And here we are in heaven.

For you are mine at last. . .”

He whispered the lyrics when he made sure that Y/N was finally asleep. He kissed her forehead again took his hand back carefully without waking her up. 

“Goodnight Y/N.” He whispered.

***

“Peggy. . . I’m gonna need a raincheck on that dance.”

Peggy sniffs. “Alright. . . A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club. That way you’ll have enough time to spend with Y/N.”

“You got it. Tell her I’ll read her her favorite when I come home.”

“Ok. . . Eight o’clock on the dot. Don’t you dare be late. Understood?”

“You know. . . I still don’t know how to dance.”

“I’ll show you how. Just be there.” 

“We’ll have the band play something slow. I’d hate to step on your------” Suddenly the radio went to complete static.

“Steve?” Peggy whimpered. “Steve?” She choked. And General Phillips only looks down in defeat. Loosing yet another soldier in battle.

“Steve?” Peggy tries again until she gave up and covers her face in sorrow being left alone in the control room when Phillips couldn’t bare the sight anymore. With only one thought remains in his head now. 

‘How am I going to break the news to the kid?”

~2012

In a home near Brooklyn New York. Y/N Rogers was lying peacefully in her bed with a book in hand. Multiple pictures were placed on her bedside drawer. Some of the pictures contain the day her wedding, the day of her only child’s birth. And her pride possession, her oldest brother. Taken before he was injected with the serum.

When Y/N found out about Steve. She was explained by a man in a suit and her guardian, Miss Audry, a kind old neighbor of the Rogers, that Steve died fighting for what’s right. He saved countless of lives that day when he sunk the Valkyrie down into the ocean, including himself.

Y/N wanted to hate her brother for as long as she can remember. She wanted to hate the visits that her brother’s friends made to keep her company. Making sure the memory of her brother still lives in their own point of views instead of the ones the public claimed.

She hated to admit that she enjoyed their visits. Especially the ones a certain British woman had come and made. 

Peggy was practically like a sister to Y/N whenever the older woman made the time to visit and chat on the things they did and the lives they were making. But most of all, they talked about Steve.

Y/N was doing the most of the talking though. She gave Peggy every detail about the life and childhood Steve have given to her along with the embarrassing stories she had of him. And she wouldn’t change anything about it. They bonded through the years sharing the pain that was stuck inside them like a tumor. But they often reminded each other that Steve wouldn’t want them to sulk up their lives mourning for him. He would want them to be happy.

But as Y/N began to grow up. She found that waiting on men at diners and sitting at home cooking and sewing for her entire life wasn’t the one she would proud of.

So she began to find the opportunities and worked her ass off long enough that it lead her from working at John’s as a waitress to Agent Martins of the Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division.

But Y/N, along with the rest of her fellow comrades, mostly like to call it by its acronym. SHIELD.

Y/N  thought it was best to hide her true identity to avoid any enemies.

She devoted herself to the work that her brother had inspired to create with the help of Peggy and another friend of Steve, Howard Stark. Y/N finds him both silly and amusing to play with when she was a child.

And when Howard made a decision to make Y/N the godmother of his first and only son, Tony. She hesitated at first, fearing that their line of work was bad enough to have children. But she soon agreed to it when she found a love of her own after 10 years of working in SHIELD.

He was daring, practical, smart. But most of all, he was the only nephew of Colonel Chester Phillips. Micheal Aaron Phillips. But most people view him as ‘Mike’.

Mike was a few years older then Y/N was. Making her a bit timid by his appearance and skills. But the skill that Y/N was glad that Mike lack of was arrogance.

He was there when Agent ‘Martins’ was assigned to retrieve an artifact that was stolen from SHIELD. Her brother’s shield.

After their mission. Mike was intrigued by the girl that his Uncle Chester has told him so much about before he signed up into the organization.

Soon enough a spark ignited between them and little did they know that they found themselves in a small church getting married after many long years of dates, picnics, and the watchful eyes of her protectives Howling Commando uncles.

Boy, was that Mike afraid of their eyes.

After then, Y/N gave birth to a healthy baby girl, Dahlia. And 34 more years later, she was blessed with a granddaughter, named Sarah.

Dahlia’s husband heard the name once from Y/N and instantly had a liking to it so much that he practically begged Dahlia to name their daughter after Dahlia’s deceased grandmother. Dahlia found no argument to it and also agreed.

When Y/N retired, she lived a happy life in Brooklyn where she and Steve grew up in. She tells stories of her times to her only beloved grandchild and her daughter and son-in-law.

Until that one night, Y/N was contacted by an officer who gave her the horrific news.

News that would leave Sarah an orphan and a heartbreaking Y/N.

After taking in of what’s possibly the only blood relative she has. Y/N made sure to share the exact pain she had with her brother’s passing and emerge that pain with the loss of her daughter and son-in-law.

Y/N made sure that Sarah was constantly reminded that she was not alone and she would always be loved. It too broke her heart immensely that she could no longer see her daughter and son-in-law anymore. Angry that the universe took yet another piece of her heart. 

And Sarah, she soon began to understand why mommy and daddy aren't coming back.

But it was okay. She has her granny after all. Every day they would go through her granny’s special cookbook that was gifted to her by a very special friend of hers a long time ago.

On other days, they would go to their spot in Central Park to have picnics and play tea parties much to Sarah’s delight.

But she began to notice the tired eyes that her granny was showing every now and then.

She can remember the constant times when she would visit the hospital with her grandmother as the doctor and she talk about grown-up stuff. Sometimes she would eavesdrop on their conversation and began to pick up certain words that she hardly understands.

Plasma cells.

Multiple myelomas.

Cancer.

Sarah watched as the people in white clothes, doctors and nurses she soon found out, bringing the equipment into her grandmother’s room.

Lately, she’s been doing her regular routine in her grandmother’s side bed and was always asked to wait out in the hall when the doctor comes and checked in. 

In the real world. Y/N was always advised that she should take her final moments at the hospital. Where they could treat her well.

But every time she denies. Saying that she wanted to have her final moments with her granddaughter in their home where they had made so many wonderful years together after her daughter’s passing.

She wanted to die in a place where she can relax. Enough to forget that she was going away. Forever.

When the months pass, Sarah ‘s birthday was coming up soon. She’ll be turning eleven in two months time. She was beginning to grow a little taller too. She was just about above the high countertop where she and Y/N used to make their recipes together. 

She’s going to miss that. It wasn’t sugarcoated that Sarah knew she was going to lose her granny soon. Even though she barely remembers her parents. Granny was practically the one she would always love more than anyone else. And she wasn’t just her grandmother or the person she was raised by. She was her best friend.

Ring. Ring. Ring-

One day, the Rogers residence got a call. Sarah was hesitating to answer, but Granny was taking her rest and the only other adult in the house was still outside getting the groceries bags from the car outside.

So without any other options, she took the home phone and click the green button.

“Hello?” Sarah answered.

“. . .Hello, is this Helen Cho?”

Sarah was greeted by a man’s voice. Asking for Helen.

Helen Cho was the doctor that Y/N’s godson had assigned for her care. Insisting that she needed the best of the best. No charge.

“No.”

“Oh. . . well, in that case, would you mind handing the phone to Doctor Helen Cho?”

“Why? Are you a doctor too?”

“No my name Phillip J. Coulson. I’m a friend of Josie Rogers. Is there an adult that I can speak with sweetheart?”

This man- Phillip- asked and before Sarah could answer. Helen appeared through the front door with the groceries.

“Sarah, who are you speaking to?” She asked in a kind but also tired voice as she carried the heavy groceries haul into the kitchen and sets them on the counter table.

“There’s a guy on the phone.” Sarah says and Helen panics a bit but she hides it anyway so that she wouldn’t startle the little girl that she was growing to love during the past 6 months.

“He said his name is Phil-” Helen didn’t answer the child as she hurries and swiped the phone off of Sarah’s hands.

“Hello. Who is this?” 

“Helen. It’s Coulson.”  

Helen covers the phone with her other hand. “Sarah, can you take out the groceries, please?” 

Sarah shrugs, not caring about the man anymore. “Okay.” And runs off to the kitchen.

Helen places the phone back to her ear. “Agent, what a surprise.” She says quietly, not wanting the child at the other room to hear her. 

“Hey, Helen.” Coulson greeted. “How’s everything in the household?”

Helen looks behind her shoulder to see the girl in the house taking apples out from the paper bag. “Well enough. But only for so long. Listen, everything I’ve done. Everything I did won’t slow down her condition Coulson-” 

“Just give me the straight answer Helen.” Coulson interrupted her and she closed her eyes for a moment then said.

“Probably a month. But that’s me being hopeful. . . She’ll be gone in any week by now. She’s growing weaker by the day.”

Helen stopped herself to sigh and holds her emotion to spare Coulson. She knew how he favored his mentor all those years ago.

“But anyway. What else did you want to know?”

After a few words being answered to her question. Her eyes had suddenly grown slightly big and she was practically gapping in the spot on the hall.

“A-are you sure?” She asked. “. . . When?. . . Alright. I’ll let her know. Have a good day Coulson.”

She pressed the off button and placed the home phone back to its charge before placing a hand on the wall to hold herself up.

After a minute of silence, she straightens herself up and began to walk upstairs to where her elder was resting. When she got to the room, she knocked on the open door to present herself.

“Who is it?” Y/N was staring at the window with studied eyes as she watched the leaves blowing against the wind. How she loves the little things. Its what kept her sane ever since she was on house arrest. Or that’s what she likes to call it.

“It’s me. Helen.”

Y/N turns and smiled sweetly at the young woman. “Helen. I see you and Sarah are back from your trip to the supermarket.” 

But then, she noticed that expression on her nurse's faces and began to worry a bit. “What’s wrong dear? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

If only Helen could correct her statement. But to tell her the news. Cho sits at the end of the bed by Y/N’s legs and calms herself enough to speak.

“They found him.”

Y/N frowns then said. “What? Helen who found who?”

Helen gulps and Y/N asked again. “Helen?”

The young woman let out a big breath and said. “He’s alive Y/N. Your brother. Captain America. He’s alive Y/N.”

Y/N’s breath hitched and she blindly searches something to hold with her hand and found the offering of Helen’s.  felt like she wasn’t going to breath. It was like she was in one of her dreams. Having someone to tell her that her brother was alive had been one of the biggest fantasy she’s ever had ever since the Valkyrie drowned into the sea.

She looks at Helen to see any tricks or hallucination that could be happening in her head right now. Wondering if this was another trick from her lack of energy. But Helen’s eyes answered it all.

He’s alive.

                                                          _*_*_                                                             

Steven Grant Rogers. Captain America. 

Steve Rogers.

After being found and wakened up. 

He was so studious about the many changes in New York.

Most of the woman that he’s seen were wearing pants.

Large television screens were placed all over Time-Square.

And as if it didn’t get any strange, it did when he saw a young woman with what looks like a pierced earing on the bottom of her lip when Fury and some other agents took him inside of the main headquarters of SHIELD.

It was a strange event for him to wake up so suddenly in a fake medical ward and was later being chased by armed men out of the building until they caught him in Time Square.

Seventy years. Almost anyway.

That’s how long he had been gone from Fury’s statement. He had been asleep for almost seventy years. But it felt like he had been asleep for only one night. It was surreal even. 

So surreal that he even considered that he was just dreaming and that he would wake up any moment now in one of those uncomfortable cots that he had just gotten used to after so many periods of sleep on rocks and hard pavement when he and the Howling Commandos were off doing missions on Hydra’s bases.

He imagined that Peggy would be at his side when he wakes. And miraculously, they would manage to bring his baby sister in and she would jump into his arms like she always does whenever he managed to visit her back in Brooklyn.

But he needed to remind himself that he was only daydreaming, hoping. And that he really did disappear for so long and was later found by SHIELD. 

He can never get that dance at the Stork Club that he promised his best gal.

Never got the chance to give away Y/N at the altar on the day of her wedding.

Not even a chance to meet his niece. Dahlia Phillips.

By the time when he was escorted to Fury’s office after being changed into some different clothing that was given to him when came to the headquarters.

He was carefully told that SHIELD was founded by Howard Stark. Chester Phillips, and Margaret Carter. Made it a successor to continue the old government that Steve once remembered, the S.S.R.

He was explained that after the war was won, many agents were sent to find, or retrieve Steve back starting from where the Valkyrie was last seen. 

Trails went cold. And some had even given up on the search until one by one, the agents dialed down to a single crew. 

To the public, Captain Rogers was 'presumed' dead. Even some of America’s top leaders suggested to give up the search on Rogers. Seeing that he is just what history claims him to be. History.

Until now.

Then all of the information hadn’t even matter when Steve asked about his sister.

He was only given the basics. That she graduated in one of the finest schools and college. Got married to an honorable man and had a kid and a grand-daughter soon enough.

And before she did the family dream with a picket fence. She was an agent.

Steve was shocked as Fury told him about the ‘success’ his sister made for SHIELD. How she was the first youngest agent to be initiated at the age of 22. And was once made the head director of SHIELD for about three decades until she retired and gave up the position to Fury.

To be honest. Steve was actually proud of Y/N. Even if he didn’t want her to live a life as an agent. Still, he was angry that she wanted to place herself in heavy situations that he’s probably going to have to give her one of his ‘big brother talk’ moments that he missed giving to her ever since he got into the war.

Which reminded him something. He asked about how Y/N is now. He didn’t even hide the hesitation when he asked. It was clear that no matter how long you have or how healthy you are. Death will always come so fast that you can’t even see coming. Especially working for the government.

Fury did his definition of sugarcoating and told Steve that his timing was so practical when Y/N only had a few weeks to live.

Suddenly, Steve found himself going through memory lane. Thinking about the times to every pain he felt in his life.

From the bully punches in the alleys and streets, Project Rebirth, and the deaths of Dr. Erskine and his long-time best friend, Bucky.

All of the physical and emotional pain was hitting him all at once in just that second. 

His little baby sister was dying.

Though he was glad that she lived this far. Building a family of her own as she works her way into SHIELD like it was nothing. It surprises him that she even got the time to have one. A family. Fury even gave him the name of the grand-daughter that Y/N loves to death.

Sarah. That’s the name of Steve’s great-niece. Named after his mother. And he couldn’t wait to meet her already. 

“When.” He asked. Not adding any more explanation after he said it. Knowing that Fury would easily understand about what he’s asking.

“Now.” Fury said. 

It was about time that Captain America is going to meet his baby sister again after almost 70 years.

                                                         _*_*_                                                            

A clean vehicle with very privacy glass to hide the back passengers that were being taken to Brooklyn. It didn’t go unnoticed when Steve saw the large changes in the city that he had grown up in. 

New buildings were built and the small apartments that he crossed so many times in his youth were replaced by shops. And the shops that he remembers, along with the Stork Club were replaced by different ones and numerous names were popping out everywhere the vehicle goes. Some were even repeating like McDonald’s and Taco Bell.

He’s going to have to ask someone about them later.

During the trip, Fury was kind of kind enough to give Captin with some grand updates that he had missed during his time in the ocean. One of them being the Civil Rights of Act 1964. 

Steve couldn’t help but smile at the fact. Y/N’s favorite neighbor, Miss Audry was a sweet old black woman that lives in the apartment that was just under their’s. She would always take care of Josie whenever he had to go out to work. Her wish came true.

It wasn’t until they crossed through Brooklyn Bridge that his nerves started to kick in and his knee was subconsciously beginning to bounce. His eyes looking out at every buildings and house they passed to take the time to calm himself a bit until they get to the address that Fury only knows. 

Suddenly the car slows down to a stop in front of a terraced house. “Here we are.” Fury said.

Steve couldn’t help but gulped quietly while the palms of his hands began to sweat his nerves out. Brushing them against the fabric of his pants to try to push off the weight that was holding him down to his seat.

“Ready to meet them?” Fury asked. 

At first, Steve thought that he must’ve misheard him but then remembers that there was another Rogers that lived in the terraced with his sister.

Fury opens his doors and Steve did the same with his side. Closing the door as he got out and looks up at the terraced more clearly.

It was a very nice light blue home with white-framed windows with white curtains hanging inside for privacy.

Steve followed Fury as they make their way past the small gates that was standing in front of the house and marched upon the small porch. Fury pressed the doorbell before turning back to Steve. 

“You’ll have a day with her. After that, I’ll send someone to pick you up in the evening. Good luck.” He patted his shoulder and left him standing alone on the porch. Speechless.

Steve looked a bit panic and was about to turn to call for Fury to come back but stops himself when the door opened.

“Yes?” A woman’s voice says and Steve was surprised when he turned to see a young Asian woman at the door. Questionable eyes looking at him and waiting for an answer.

“Hello, ma’am.” It was the only way that Steve could start with.”I’m here to see-” 

“Steve Rogers.” The woman suddenly said with a small gasp and eyes widened. And it was Steve’s turn to look at her in question when she said his name. Wondering how did she know him?

“Yes, uh. . . how did you-”

“You look a lot like in the pictures that Y/N showed me. Only, you’re a bit more. . . bigger.” She gave him an awkward smile. Feeling a bit intimidated that THE Captain America was standing by the doorstep. 

“I’m Doctor Helen Cho.” She greeted formally. “Y/N is currently under my care. Has been for about a year now.” 

She offers her hand and Steve takes to handshake as the words ‘doctor’ and ‘care’ came into mind. “So you’re the one who’s been treating my sister?”

“Yes.” Helen answers. “Why don’t you come in.” She opens the door wider and lets the captain. He said his thanks and went inside as Helen closed the door behind him. 

Steve took a small time to glance around the interior of the house and felt a homey feeling that radiated from the beige painted walls with family pictures hanging. Some were dated back to the 40′s and the now. 

“Follow me.” Helen said as she went and steps up to the stairs in the hall that leads up to the upstairs floor. Not blind to catch the old soldier’s nerves as he lets out a small sigh before following her behind. 

Every step he took felt like he was walking knee deep in water and when they got to the floor, Helen gestures him to a door a the end of the hall. “Right over here.”

It only took a few more steps until they reached to the front of the door. Steve held his breath as she knocks on the hardwood. 

“Come in.” A frail voice answered from the other side and Steve felt a small trail of goosebumps forming on his arms. 

Helen opens the door and pokes her head in. “Hey, look who’s here.” 

She opened the door fully and steps aside for the old woman to have a full image of Steve, who was still standing in the hall. He hesitated at first but went in either way. 

The first thing he noticed about the room was the floral wallpaper pattern on each wall. A wooden dressing table stands flat back on the wall with numerous medications on it along with some portrait pictures with a small jewelry box by them. 

The only decor in the room that was out of place was the noticeable medical monitor and the IV bag and pole standing beside the luscious bed. 

And on the bed, was the woman that holds a special in Steve’s heart the second he first held her in arms when she was just a newborn. 

“Hey, Stevey.”

Y/N Rogers’s eyes watered as she began to cry in relief when Steve entered the room. Happy that he was alive and well. 

As for Steve, he couldn't believe that this gray hair and fragile human was his baby sister. The only thing that didn’t change was the contagious smile that he oh so love very much. That seeing it made him teared up and he waste another second as he goes over to the side of her bed and sat on the chair that was placed there. Taking her hand when she outstretches it to him. 

He finally found the strength to smile back to his sister and pressed the palm of her hand against his cheek. And suddenly a pained look slowly formed on his face.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly in regret. “I’m so sorry.”

Y/N’s eyes furrowed at him. “For what?”

Steve looks at her, confused. “For everything. . . For leaving you and everyone else-”.

But Y/N shakes her head to him. “No, you didn’t leave. . . You saved me.” She caressed the back of his hand to comfort him. “If you didn’t manage to stop the Valkyrie, everyone that we know in New York, including myself would’ve died from the impact.”

Steve still didn’t understand. “But-”

“But nothing!” Y/N said. “Whatever you’re thinking. Whatever thought that made you so regretful. I want you to know that I forgive you.”

Steve looks at her surprise. 

“I forgave you for a long time now. Knowing that holding on to the anger that I had for you would only cloud my judgment to the world. “Y/N held in her sobs and her grip on her brother’s hand tightens. But it wasn’t effective enough seeing as Steve wasn’t bothered by her touch but by her words.

It was his turn to smile in relief and then kissed her hand before saying. “I’m here now, Y/N. I’m here now.”

She hums happily and patted the back of his hand. It was then that she noticed a small figure hiding behind the frame of the door in the hall. 

Y/N let out a small chuckle and called out to the little one. “You can come in, Sarah.” 

It was the small gasp that took Steve’s attention away from his sister and turns to see what cause such a small noise. At the doorway, there stands a small girl staring at them with hands all fiddling. Curiosity was filled in the child’s eyes as she looks at the stranger that was sitting beside her granny and holding her hand. 

“Come in Sarah.” Y/N urges. “There’s someone I liked you to meet.”

The girl hesitated. Not taking her eyes off the man, she quickly went up to her granny at the other side of the bed and jumps on to it until she was fully seated by her grandmother.

Y/N moved to the side a bit to make room for Sarah. When she moves around a bit to find a comfy position, she turns to Sarah and said. “Sarah, this my brother. Steve. You're great-uncle.”

Steve would’ve laughed at the title if he wasn’t still so the shock of how Sarah looks so much like Y/N when she was at her age.

He distinctly remembered that the last time when he saw Y/N was when she had turned ten. Sarah looked about the same age as her grandmother when Steve left her to go and fight in the fields with the Howling Commandos. He also remembered the many letters that he wrote to her as well the teasing comments that he got from the fellas when they thought that he got a gal back at home.

They weren’t wrong.

“Hi.” Steve said to the little and she only smiled shyly and gave him a little wave.

“Hello.” She managed out and looks back at her grandmother to whisper her something by her ear.

“He’s your brother?”

Y/N smile. “Yes.”

“But why isn’t he old like you?” Sarah whispered again and Y/N only chuckles at her granddaughter’s question. And judging by Steve’s amused look. He definitely heard his grand-niece and wasn’t bothered by the question. 

“It’s a long story, Sarah.” Y/N said. “But for now, why don’t you go and see if Helen needs help in the kitchen.”

“Okay, Granny.” Sarah then jumps down from the bed and runs out of the room.

Y/N and Steve both smiled at the child’s behavior

“A lot like me isn’t she?” Y/N said. 

Steve held back a laugh. “Scary.” And they both laughed.

They both had a lot of time in the room. Catching up the times that Steve had missed. And occasionally he would tell him a bit of his time in the fields and stories about his war pals. Y/N even told him about the ridiculous behavior his Howling Commandos had whenever she would go on a date with a boy. Steve didn’t whether to laugh or be proud by the job that his commandoes filled in when he wasn't there to be the overprotective brother like should’ve been.

And what’s more touching is that Y/N had asked Steve to go to her bookshelf and take out a book. Before he could ask which one, his eyes landed on one peculiar one. ‘The Hobbit’. Her favorite bedtime story. He then vaguely remembers about what he said on the Valkyrie. ‘Tell her I’ll read her her favorite when I come home.’ which was the book he was holding now. He looks at her with tears and she just nodded. So Steve got comfortable beside her bed and began to read the first chapter.

He tried everything in his power to remember the smile as Y/N laughed and talked about how iconic the book had become and how Sarah was also an admirer of the novel. Not wanting to forget it until the time of her lifespan was suddenly gone. And when it did. He almost forgot it. After the Chitauri war in New York. Y/N’s heart just gave up, during the day before she could even take her afternoon nap. The funeral was lovely, and shockingly, Tony Stark appeared beside the family. As his title as the godson of one of SHIELD’s greatest agents in history.

Steve was still surprised that Howard made Y/N the godmother of Tony. When they met at the Hellcarrier, Tony did mention that Y/N, along with his mother, were the only ones that gave actually damn about him instead of his own father. Who would bragged to him about how ‘great’ Steve Rogers was.

But it didn’t matter. What only matters now, was to give a eulogy as Y/N written in her recent will.

The church was filled with old veterans, retired agents, as well as other people who had their hearts touched by Y/N. Peggy would’ve been there too if it weren’t for her alzheimer’s.

After Steve was done, the priest asked if there was anyone that would like to say a few words.

Surprisingly, Tony stood up and brought out a small folded paper from his pocket. When he got behind the podium. He cleared his throat.

“Hi, I’m Tony.” He started off. “I’m Y/N’s Godson-Well. . . was.” He faltered.

“Growing up, my father became the person he was ‘till he dying breath. A failure of a father.”

Steve grimaced at the words. He was certain that Howard would someday change but failed to acknowledge how good of a father Howard would become. Tony became that living result.

“Despite being a genius. I still have trouble coping with the world. My father was too busy to acknowledge the importance of teaching me how to catch, how to talk to girls, and most of all, how to be a human being. Y/N Rogers had the interest to fill in that role.”

Though no one could see, behind the podium Tony had his hand clutched tightly into a fist to maintain himself.

"She made me the person I am today. She is the quarter of why I shut down the weapons manufacturing division from my company. And she was. . . she was human. And I guess that's the only way that you can describe Y/N. She was human. And she was loved. I guess we can never stop loving someone who had left an incredible mark in someone else's life. And I know that she wouldn't want me to stop caring the world, otherwise, I know that she would kill me if I did."

A few chuckles were heard around the church. Even Steve managed to smile at the comment. But a few silent sobs were heard from the back of the room.

“Y/N, we’ll miss you. . . I’ll miss you.” Tony had a slightly lost look on his face for a second and then clears his throat. “Thank you.”

With that, Tony got off the stage and went back to his seat beside Sarah and Steve.

“Thank you.” Steve said solemnly and quietly to him.

“Thought I should get it over it,” Tony said. “I would’ve regretted it if I didn’t.”

“She would be proud of you.” Steve added.

“She is.” A small voice interrupted them and they both look down at the child sitting between them. “She told me so.”

Tony blinks at the girl then stares off back to the casket. “Thanks, kid.”

“Your welcome Uncle Tony.”

Tony would’ve normally told Sarah to not to call him ‘Uncle Tony’. But just for today, he let it slide.

Once the service was done. Everyone stood up and waited for Steve and the other veterans who were picked to be the pallbearers carried the casket out of the church and the crowd followed behind them in a slow marching pace. All the way to the large burial ground behind the church.

When they set the casket inside the large hole, white roses were passed to everyone. And one by one, they dropped it on top of the casket while whispering their final goodbyes.

The last to place their rose was Steve. And when he let go of the rose into the hole. Everyone was beginning to leave. And as the time passed, the only ones who were left standing by the now finished grave, was Steve, Sarah, Tony, and Helen.

Helen was only there mostly for Sarah’s benefit. She had grown very close to the young child that she didn’t have the heart to leave her alone with Steve.

Beside her, Helen decides to break the ice and started whispering a certain situation with Tony.

“You know, lawfully speaking since you are Sarah’s godfather. There’s a possibility that she could be wind up being in under your care.”

It was true. Since Tony and Dahlia had known each other from Y/N. Dahlia made Tony the godfather of her only child. Knowing that even before he was Iron Man and his conscience had finally kicked in. She trusted Tony enough to be the godfather. Much to her husband’s dismay.

Not paying attention to the whispers behind him. Steve suddenly felt a small human hand enclosing itself with his own. He looks down and sees Sarah looking up at him. Sending him a small smile, trying to comfort him in the best way she can.

“We should probably go. Granny doesn’t like it if anyone stays in the cold too much. You could get sick.”

It had begun to get cold. The clouds in the sky indicated that it was going to rain soon and the winds brushing against them was getting colder by the minute they stood there.

So with an exhaled breath, Steve nods at his niece’s small proclaim before clearing his throat. “Okay, let’s go.” He gave her a somewhat convincing smile and gently firmed his grip on to her hand. Carefully not to hurt it and they began to walk away from the gravestone. Mentioning Helen to follow them since she was their ride.

Tony watches as Steve helps Sarah into Helen’s car. Helen’s words were repeating in his head.

Under your care.

“No,” Tony thoughts. “They need each other. . . it’s what she would’ve wanted it.”

And it was indeed.

=============================================================

Hey! So I hope you like the story. And just to let you know, I’m thinking of making it into a Wattpad fanfic book. So let me know on the comments below. And I will try my best to upload it as soon as possible. And of course, there will be a pairing but it’s going to be a very slow-burn pairing between Sarah and a certain hero in blue spandex.

Thank you for taking your time to read my imagine and my message. 

Mahal kita!!!!!

[scottsumrners]

avengers: flopgame, a rundown

most of the spoilers were right to some degree: cap does go back to peggy, iron man does snap thanos out of existence, all that jazz. they were wrong in several other things (cap doesn’t break the soul stone, he doesn’t receive a letter from peggy)

the plotline is very bareboned, and honestly i still dont know how it lasted for three hours. thanos does the snap and then “retires” to some planet in a corner of the universe. captain marvel rescues iron man, who promptly tells everybody to fuck off while he mops. the avengers + carol go out and beat thanos’ ass, but they found out that he used the stones to erase the stones

this part is hilarious when you look back after a certain part of the movie because the ancient one literally says that if the stones are removed from existence, the universe is fucked. but i guess it was already fucked either way?

five years pass. thor is fat and depressed. cap is handsome and depressed. natasha is depressed. captain marvel has a lesbian haircut. tony is living his best life with his daughter and pepper, because it turns out tony didn’t lose anybody in the snap! fun, i know

then scott is accidentally freed fro the quantum realm when a rat steps over the controls, reaches a grown up cassie (how did she go from 9 years old to 17, god only knows). then he goes after the avengers with the idea of going back in time. this is where the plot starts to unravel completely.

they go to tony for help, but he refuses because of his kid. then they go to “mr. hulk”, who tries to help but doesn’t know much. then tony changes his mind and helps them, under the condition that they don’t go back to when the snap happened, but instead just...ressurrect everybody who died. this completely overlooks the fact that FIVE YEARS HAVE PASSED, people have moved on, and many more have died/committed suicide/done a lot of bad things to themselves and others in the awake of the snap and afterwards. clint is proof of that

clint, by the way, lost his whole family, so he decided to get a haircut and become racist. he literally goes to, like, mexico and japan to kill criminals. “people died and you didn’t”, he says to a mafia boss. there are no mafia bosses in america apparently.

so they go back in time, because hulk and tony say that whatever they do in the past doesn’t count because of fixed timeloops. and then when they get to the past, the ancient one says that if they remove an infinity stone they create a fringe timeline, which is unprotected because the stones are meant to be the guardians of the universe or something

by the way did i mention thanos destroyed them? right?

there is a moment which is just. like. okay. steve goes back in time in the end with the purpose of not messing with the timeline by putting them back there, except steve whispers “hail hydra” to brock rumlow to get the mind stone and loki disappears with the cube, which is like. a massive fucking alteration in the timeline? but who the fuck knows! not the writers, thats for sure.

and then they fuck up even further because when nebula goes back in time, her systems interact with past nebula, who gets hijacked by thanos and literally tells thanos the whole plan. so evil past nebula replaces present nebula, goes back to the future, and when the team assembles to undo the snap (which they do), she brings thanos’ ship from 2014 to the present.

bearing in mind that scott literally says they only have fuel to go one back-to-back trip, but nebula manages to an entire ship using the pym particles *after* she has returned, and it is never explained how except there is a moment of her showing thanos the pym particles

so they undo the snap and everybody is back, but so is thanos from the past, who decides that only killing half the population doesn’t work because there will always be those wanting to undo it, so he wants to kill everybody and start anew. cap, thor and iron man go toe-to-toe with him while the hulk is buried under a bunch of rubble (thanos’ ship destroys the avengers compound) with rocket and war machine, and hawkeye is running from thanos’ creatures with the gauntlet

by the way did i mention that natasha had to sacrifice herself to get the soul stone? lmfao that was like....terrible. alas

the final battle is cool. cap wields the mjolnir (and thor says “i knew it!”. also he got the hammer back when he went to get the red stone) and beats thanos’ ass until he gets the upper hand. and then when all appears lost, the rest of the heroes show up to help and there is the big battle, with the goal of carrying the gauntlet from hawkeye to antman to send the stones back to the past

which they can’t do, and thanos gets them all back, but before he can snap he and carol have a beatdown. carol has three moments in the whole movie: rescuing iron man, as a hologram showing off her lesbian haircut, and this moment destroy thanos’ ship and beating his ass (and a cute scene with peter). then tony steals the stones from him by...literally grabbing them out of gauntlet, which is apparently something he COULDN’T have done in the original timeline?

also thanos has a gauntlet even though the gauntlet wasn’t made in 2014. but who is paying attention

and then iron man snaps thanos out of existence, he dies, people in my session were crying a lot. there is a funeral scene with everybody there; clint and wanda mourn natasha and iron man (hilarious bc tony put her in a straight fucking jacket, but alas), thor passes down the mantle of king of asgard to valkyrie and fucks off to be with the guardians of the galaxy, and steve goes back in time to put the stones back, but then he doesn’t come back. he is back as an old man there to pass down the mantle of captain america to sam, with the shield and all.

did i mention that cap and bucky have one (1) scene together? and he and falcon also only have this one? bucky seems super chill with all of it. he apparently could telepathically already know that steve was gonna do this bullshit.

the last shot of the movie is steve and peggy dancing, which made me nauseated. or maybe was the sugar. but probably steggy.

the positive points:

beautiful cinematography, except for the moments where it was too dark to see what the fuck was going on

less of a barrage of jokes, which was a welcome change. much of the joke was the fact that thor is fat and depressed and is a drunk now. haha. hilarious.

also there is a moment where they joke about captain america’s ass and two shots of captain america’s ass, which may just save this movie from being a complete disaster.

they aged cassie so there is real hope for a young avengers movie now

that’s it

the negative points:

the movie is extremely long for a plot extremely thin. but also it passed super quickly. wouldve been quicker if my bladder wasn’t full

iron man was, throughout the entire movie, completely selfish. he was arrogant and rude and he put his stupid ooc family above the rest of the universe. if he had been smart and gone back to the moment of the snap, he would have survived to have morgan stark again

when he goes back in time and meets his father, howard literally tells him he regretted putting his job above his family, which for tony translates on forcing the team to not undo the snap properly

natasha’s plotline was that she was lost and lonely and her “family” had died so she had no reason to keep living. so she kills herself. INCREDIBLE message to the audience

robert downey jr and jeremy renner are very ugly and old and the fact that we get getting these extreme close ups of both of them was. uncomfortable.

people kept saying that steve’s farewell was touching and beautiful and it would make sense but it didn’t. steve’s existence in the past changes hundreds of things - and if it doesn’t, the alternative is that steve knew what would happen and chose to do nothing, which is just. taking a shit on everything steve rogers stands for.

like, literally - and this makes me angry - the entire movie they kept hammering the idea that cap needed to MOVE ON. that he needed to go on with his life. when they showed peggy in the past and steve is watching her, the idea is that she has carried on with her life, only holding on to the memory of who he was as a memento. and then they take a shit all over it

the resolution of thor’s plotline from the last several movies being “thor doesnt actually want to be king, he just wants to be a space hooligan” is just. baffling. 

steve, bucky and sam have ONE SCENE TOGETHER. IN THREE HOURS OF MOVIE!!!!!

the moral of the avengers: endgame is that never try to do a movie about superheroes and time travel because you just wont be able to do it right. and that’s that on that.

[alexeishostakoff]

bucky barnes lives a long life.

he gets a phd in history.

raises his kids and then his grandkids and his great-grandkids and his neices and nephews and all the rest.

he watches his friends and family age around him, and he outlives his daughter and then his son and countless others, too many others.

he watches nat age faster than he does, because the serum in him is better than the one in her and they both know it, even if they rarely talk about it, even if they're scared of talking about it.

he writes a book and then another.

he works at the homeless shelter.

he helps new immigrants adjust to life in america.

he does yoga and drinks smoothies and dispenses good advice like it's nothing.

he punches some nazis in the face and gets another phd, this time in political science.

he tries to keep steve sane as their loved ones die and they don't even age a day, eternally beautiful and eternally broken.

he never takes his wedding ring off, even when nat's dead and gone and people keep telling him to just move on like it's easy.

he works at the va and becomes a licensed therapist.

he dyes his hair and kisses a man on live national television.

he never stops fighting, always finds a new battle, a new cause, from environmental protection to abortion rights and everything in between.

he has a memorable stint as a drummer in a rock band, and an even more memorable one as a singer.

he drinks like the world's going to end tomorrow.

he resurrects punk and watches it die again.

he tries going into professional sports, but gets disqualified because of the serum.

he moves back to russia and helps them get a decent, democratic government again, and sticks around long enough to make sure it works.

he distributes any wealth he gets to charities and just average people.

he starts an orphanage and ends up adopting all the kids.

he learns how to give the best hugs in the world.

he learns how to stop hating his arm.

the nightmares and the ptsd never go away.

he gets voted america's sexiest man, more than once.

he becomes a bit of a celebrity, but more like a living legend.

he's a role model.

he's wild and angry and more than a little broken inside but he's also good and confident and inspirational.

he supports scientific advancements and gets the latest tech with a grin on his face.

he saves humanity, saves the world. he makes sure helen cho's work is never, ever used for evil.

he makes sure there are no new supersoldiers.

he fights another war.

he gets more medals, more awards, but they don't mean much to him.

he learns how to paint, and to sculpt and draw and dance and create beautiful things.

he gets statues and exhibits made and ensures that the world respects the avengers and the scientists that did so much for them.

he gets international recognition as the good man he will never think of himself as.

he goes on missions and he kills.

he doesn't know how to stop and he's not sure he even wants to.

he becomes america's idol, a little crazy and far from perfect but ultimately human, and amazing because of it.

he travels the world seeking knowledge.

humanity reaches the stars and he stays behind.

he does so many things and goes so many places and meets so many people but the one thing he never, ever does, is forget his friends.

his family.

he puts flowers on their graves on the anniversaries of their deaths.

he mourns.

and he still loves them.

he'll never stop loving them.

living so long'll drive any man insane, and it does so to him eventually.

but he lives and he loves and he loses so much but he stays good til the very end.

bucky dies on a friday.

he just goes to sleep, and doesn't wake up.

better death than he ever thought he'd get.

better death than he ever thought he'd deserve.

and the world mourns james buchanan barnes.

and they don't forget him, either.

[scienceoftheidiot]

So, 1 week after, here are my thoughts on Endgame. 

I liked the film, this is the thing you need to know. 

Rest of the thoughts under the cut, not in any order, and of course SPOILERS AHEAD 

Also careful as I put ALL my opinions there. Dunno if it’s unpopular or not and frankly I don’t really give a shit. 

Time travel. Didn’t expect that, rather some shenanigans with Strange, so time travel + Antman ? I’m game, thanks for surprising me. I think Antman is now my favourite Avenger. And I haven’t seen Antman and the Wasp, so uh. I was a little put off. lol. 

Since we’re on this subject : why oh why do you all go to fucking TONY’s to talk about time travel when Bruce is still around ?!???!!!!  Tony is a genius engineer. He does physics. BUT NOT THIS KIND  Bruce is the closest you can have for time travel (I would have gone to Pym but eh he’s gone).  further proof that in cinema, all scientists are interchangeable (if... you can call Tony a scientist. Mmmmmeeeehhh depends on the definition) science rant off/  Physicist = BRUCE. NOT TONY  

Tony was fucking grating all the damn movie. I understand his reactions, I understand his motivations, but really ? I have started to not like him much a few films before, and now it has culminated. So I guess now I’m team Cap. Always been team Cap anyway, except during civil war when the sole well written character is Black Panther. 

the 5 years gap ? the most stupid part of the movie. I can suspend my disbelief (not all the (russian) nuclear plants have exploded without enough supervision, for example, well I think so, we have no idea how the rest of the world has coped because USA USA USA)(the french ones are supposed to calm down and “turn off” in this case)(i said SUPPOSED) but there are things that should be addressed    It’s only used as a background and never made in perspective as a European, we know that 5 years ? Is enough to rebound. No “big empty places” unless you have decided to make a reserve of it (which they should have taken the opportunity for, given Steve’s comment about whales in the Hudson. Animals grow faste than humans). Economy is probably thriving by then, and all this. The whole infrastructure is still there, nothing to rebuild. I’m fairly sure people have started to make a lot, a lot a lot of babies.  The people returning at the end ? All their family have gone without them for 5 years ? How do they deal with that ? All the economy is going to collapse again. Families are going to be broken again. People are going to find themselves without a home, without a support, without anything.  And if you think it works, I would engage you into reading what happened to the people who survived camps after WW2. And nothing of this is addressed. It creates more problems than it solves them and all of this because of this 5 years gap to give a daughter to Tony and some (badly made fake) belly to Thor.  Spiderman ? goes back to high school ? and his friend is still there ? so his friends was snapped too, or else it’s a monumental fuck up. Unless you’re extremely dumb you don’t stay 5 years in high school you know  This gap is unneccessaty and made there just so Tony can have a kid so his death is more dramatic or whatever. It sucks. Even during the film it put me off.  oh it’s maybe also there because they want Thor to totally collapse, which brings me to 

Thor  The next time I see someone saying “Thor isn’t like this ! Thor would never collapse” has not seen the same films as I did (and probably is one of those Ragnarok haters who have not understood the movie)  Thor can collapse. In fact, it’s just as understandable or actually even more, than Tony doing so in the beginning of the movie (who is the only one who hasn’t lost a loved one ? hey, Tony ! Thor has lost his country, his brother, his parents, and he has LOST, he fought and lost, and this isn’t something he is used to).  No, the probelm with Thor isn’t that he’s collapsed and is now an alcoholic (and actually more of an alcoholic than Tony ever was shown to be when he’s supposed to be one - Tony never tries to find alcohol or else. Tony is a.... Tony c’est un putain d’alcoolique mondain. Pas franchement intéressant. Pas un poivrot. Thor est plus intéressant qu’un alcoolique mondain. Sorry for the french I can’t translate.  The problem with Thor is that it’s played for the laughs.  I don’t mind Rocket slapping him - it’s ROCKET dudes, he is a fucking arse with no social capabilities you think he’s going to help his sole partner while they’re supposed to do a mission ? No, he slaps him. Cause he’s an arsehole. It’s IN CHARACTER  No, it’s the way it’s filmed. The Russos tried to do a Waititi, but they didn’t understand Ragnarok, just like half of tumblr apparently, and played this for the laughs, without any finesse, without any of the things that made Thor in Ragnarok relatable and not the butt of a joke. Once it’s alright, the surprise of Banner finding Thor this way and all.  A few lines here and there, okay Not this constant “look Thor is fat and depressed and alcoholic haha who would have thought it’s so funny let’s have more” 

It didn’t enrage me but it’s very very meh 

I don’t know if it was the French translation but almost all the fucking humour was off. 

Time travel is full of plot holes. I don’t care about that. But time travel is slippery and they fell in all the holes. Luckily for them, I watch Doctor Who. I have learnt not to see the holes (Doctor Who does it better though eeehhhh) 

I don’t mind and actually liked all the returns to the past, I know people found it shitty, I liked it. 

Loki... eeehhh. He’s in ANOTHER timeline now. If he comes back, he better have an explanation. A GOOD ONE 

I won’t watch the Disney series anyway so I don’t really care about what happens, do your thing, I’m off 

Big battle at the end : YES 

I WANT TO BE WALKYRIE WHEN I AM A GROWN UP 

SHE IS BADASS 

SHE HAS ALWAYS BEEN AND I ALREADY WANTED TO BE HER IN RAGNAROK SHE IS ME

BUT NOW SHE HAS A FLYING PONY 

IT’S AWESOME

I WANT TO BE WALKYRIE OKAY 

Now I have thoughts about identification and Hollywood stereotypes of races and the way they mix gender expression and sexuality - but if that interest someone I’ll just tell them in private. Just know that I’m white and straight, yet I almost only identify to non white and often non straight female characters. So there IS something to look into there. I don’t give a fuck in what race or sexuality the characters I identify with are - unless Tumblr decides I can’t cosplay Walkyrie because I’m white or this kind of bullshit - I just find it interesting, because I only identify with ONE type of women, and these women are always such. So there is stuff to dig up imo. ANYWAY  BACK TO YOUR REGULAR SCHEDULE 

I hate MCU Spiderman

I hate MCU Spiderman

I hate MCU Spiderman 

His presence and his talking and all ruined all the fucking scenes he was in 

ESPECIALLY TONY’S DEATH 

Dude ? you know him for barely a few months ? You are so dependant on him ? I know you’re young, but... you’re not 10yo, and you’re supposed to have been Spidey WITHOUT him before ? and what you do is just basically worship the ground Tony is on all the time ? 

TONY IS DYING AND THE ONE WHO STAYS THERE AND THAT NO ONE KICKS AWAY IS SPIDERMAN ???? 

LET PEPPER BE THERE 

HECK EVEN CAP HAD MORE HISTORY WITH HIM 

I swear I was 2 seconds away from screaming when Pepper finally pushed him away. 

You, my little arsehole baby Spidey who apparently can’t do shit alone, have robbed some of the last seconds of Tony’s life from his love. Thank you Spiderman 

Spiderman has more screentime than T��challa and I will always be salty about it. T’challa, Tchuri, are far more interesting and important to this story than Peter Parker. 

Spidey rant off/ 

Where is Captain Marvel ? Away on Plot Planet so that she doesn’t ruin the film by being too strong. She still Deus Ex Machinas her way at the end. 

I have nothing against Captain Marvel, she’s for me like Superman, too powered so uninteresting. 

Remember who my fave  superheroes are ? Daredevil and Hawkeye(s). Superpowers don’t really do it for me, eh. So that’s it. 

CAPTAIN AMERICA HOLDING MJOLNIR 

I DIED 

THIS WAS PERFECT

I MIGHT HAVE SHOUTED 

I LOVED IT 

Cap was redeemed to me by this film, after Civil War which fucked him up and Infinity War where he was... not really interesting (best char in IW ??? THOR FFS) 

Cap’s end. Is the best. I don’t care about the timeline bullshit and how it shouldn’t work and all this 

Cap comes back to Peggy and they live happily ever after and I’m so happy for them and that’s it. 

Natacha? The whole soul stone thing was dumb. But given the context there she HAD to die. 

I am not salty about her dying though. 

BUT WHY DOESNT SHE HAVE A FUCKING FUNERAL 

EVEN WITHOUT HER BODY DO SOMETHING HAVE SOME TIME TO REFLECT ABOUT HER AND REMEMBER WHY YOU LOVED HER AND MAKE A SPEECH AND ALL THIS 

TONY HAS THIS ? BUT NOT NATACHA ? SERIOUSLY ???? 

bon petite parenthèse j’ai du mal avec le prénom natacha (natasha ?) pke la seule meuf que j’eu jamais connu avec ce prénom était une grosse conne qu’on a fini par appeler natachatte et je ne peux pas penser à natacha sans que mon cerveau ne me rappelle natachatte voilà merci. Natachatte tu es surement toujours une grosse conne, mais bon. En plus je suis pas hyper fan de Scarlet Johansson mais passons 

I liked that she was eventually allowed some emotions in there btw. 

But she died. And no one mourned her for more than 5 minutes. That is the lot of people dying in the middle of movies. Bleh 

By the way if I see once more that she was fridged I’m going to kill someone

this is not fridging THIS DIDNT CAUSE MAN PAIN 

THIS DIDNT CAUSE ANY PAIN AT ALL AND THIS IS THE PROBLEM 

Smart Hulk is funny for 5 minutes then becomes really not funny and really not interesting and seriously the interesting part of Banner is his struggle with Hulk, why do this 

The “Gay mention” at the start ? Really not something to be proud about when you could have used the actual non straight characters you have around (cough Walkyrie cough Captain Marvel cough hell even Loki) BUT enough to stop Russia from showing the film in English so they could censor it. Bravooooooo. I feel for my Russian friends, as I know Russian dubbing is not exactly the best in the world. All this, boasting and all, for this seriously meh scene with an unknown character we don’t give a shit about, and it leads to that. Seriously. 

I think I’m done. 

I’m done? 

Morgan Stark was unnecessary. Also calling her Morgan is making stuff difficult. Cause there’s another character called Morgan Stark in the comics and I had trouble finding her when I didn’t remember her name. 

I hate Gwyneth Paltrow but Pepper is perfect 

Which is weird because I really don’t like Tony there but eh okay. 

Thank God for Antman. Paul Rudd is my baby and his character is the sole funny one. 

Hawkeye as Ronin is... seriously not as interesting as he should be, and there were moments when I really wondered why they bothered with such an underpowered character that did. Nothing. 

Also that phone call ? that phone call ?????? why would Ronin have kept his phone when he... is Ronin, doesn’t let people contact him, and has lost his whole family ? I almost yelled in the cinema. You need to explain me why he has this phone there. 

The “girl power” shot was way too much, unnecessary, and I really didn’t understand how and why all the girls were there suddenly at the same place when they were all scattered around the battlefield seconds before. Do your job, write good and varied female characters, this is NOT USEFUL and tacky and... dumb. Really. Don’t. 

Okay now I’m done. These were *some* of my thoughts 

I still liked the film, mind you, I’m a good public, give me action and jokes and people I like on screen and I’m good. It was a good moment and I don’t regret seeing it. 

Now I think I am done with the MCU, maybe appart from Antman and Black Panther. Guardians of the Galaxy if James Gunn comes back (but I’m kinda afraid of Thor being there, the joke about “who’s the captain” was already WAY TOO MUCH in the film, I can’t have that for a whole film - plus “new Gamora” means there’s going to be some very cringey scenes and Quill will try to make her love him again and this is going to be... boring as fuck because we’ve already seen it. Nope.) 

It was a good end to it. Now ? All I want is for people to Save Daredevil of course. I have no interest into anything else, thanks. 

[sinqueen69]

avengers: endgame

avengers: endgame - here is your opportunity to rant about how AWFUL endgame’s ending was. (or, if you liked it, explain why!)

Oh, here we go. ALRIGHT! *pushes up sleeves* You opened this pandora box.

I will admit, after IW I thought I was going to loathe Endgame, but it was funnier than I expected.

I enjoyed the team finally being back together on the same side, I enjoyed the time travel shenanigans.

I got fucking goosebumps when the portals opened up and everyone came in for the final fight.

I sobbed like a baby when Tony died. Like he is my fave in the MCU and he fucking D I E D. I did shed tears over Natasha, I didn't like her a lot but the fight between her and Clint to sacrifice themselves was brutal and hurt my heart.

I didn't like what they did to Clint, I get why but also yikes.

Then time travel. THE FUCKING TIME TRAVEL END FOR STEVE!

They literally had the Ancient One explain what happens when they remove the stones from different points in time. They split off into new timelines and then when the stones are returned those new timelines disappear.

AND FUCKING YET

Steve clearly went back in time, he clearly stayed there creating a new timeline YET AND FUCKING YET he appeared as Old Man Steve in the main timeline in a different spot. Even if he came from another timeline he would have appeared in the same spot, not a different spot.

After everything they did with Steve's character and his search for Bucky and him adapting to the present/future they had him go back in time and stay there when he finally had everything he ever wanted.

He got Bucky back, he got peace, he had friends and people who care for him yet he decided to screw all that and go into the past to also fuck up the life Peggy lived, her children, all the work she did, all the love she had for her husband. Gone. Her show was made null and void by him travelling back.

-Just to dip into Falcon & Winter Soldier for a moment, the whole 'One People, One World' Flagsmashers, it sounded like old man Steve died or like went into hiding or something, there was a lack of mourning for him. Also in Endgame, we saw what an apocalyptic world. Yet in Falcon & Winter Soldier the Flagsmashers made it sound like it was paradise and everything looks normal again after 6 months? I dunno guys sounds fake-

Hot take, but I stand by the fact that yes Tony wanted to just snap everyone back to make sure his daughter survived, BUT overall for the world/universe itself it should have just been snapped back to the 5 years ago so it wasn't a hard adjustment for everyone.

Just fucking rewind time and erase the 5 years to make it easier for everyone, including all the people who died thanks to the effects of the snap and the same with the people who were snapped back. What will happen to people who were snapped when in surgery or in an airplane, like they will DIE again. It's the same thing when people were first snapped, people still died even if they weren't dusted. It doesn't make a lot of sense just to snap them back to where they were.

-Also Far From Home... The blip? Really? That was the best MCU could do?-

Anyways my thoughts on Endgame are, it was funnier than I expected yet it was still an emotional gut-punch and I will cry every time.

[lilacsolanum]

For your meme: if Jake's parents Cannot Deal with him after the war, what about Rachel's family? Saddler's family? Can Jordan or Sarah look at Jake in the eye? Does Dan want to punch something every time Jake's name is mentioned? Does Naomi flinch every time she hears the name Cassie (or any other Animorph's names)?

I THINK ABOUT POST WAR BERENSONS MORE THAN MOST PEOPLE.—Naomi Berenson had a begrudging affection for the Hork-Bajir, but Toby she would never be truly at ease with Toby. She was too dangerous. It was one thing to be eternally armed with sharp blades, but ultimately be too stupid to really know what to do with them. It was another to be a seven foot alien and also understand California zoning laws You couldn’t really tell the Hork-Bajir apart, not without really knowing them and picking out some inane detail, but you always knew which one was Toby. She walked with a heaviness and a purpose that the others just didn’t have.Naomi knew it was Toby walking toward her, and she tensed.Toby handed her four envelopes, all pink, all smelling of Rachel’s favorite perfume. Naomi recognized the scent. It was what she used to wear, before Rachel made it her signature.Naomi was too empty inside to cry. The loss of a child was a pain far beyond anything with which the body could react.“She gave this to me,” said Toby gently, “To give to you if she died.”Naomi took the envelops, her heart fluttering sickly against her numb emotions. “Thank you,” she said.Toby nodded, then left.There were four letters. Mom, dad, Jordan, Sara.Naomi put them in her purse, then into a suitcase, then into a dresser drawer in her new house. It took her ten months to open them. She read hers in a bathtub, soaked both in sweet smelling oils and Belvedere, and she cried in a screaming way while feeling entirely distant. It was a step toward healing, which was a scarred thing for a mother, but a possible thing.Rachel’s letter said many things. Big things, small things. Least of all, it said to not to hold it against Jake.She hadn’t spoken to her nephew since that day. There had been no time. Jake had ceased to be the too serious child her in-laws were in the process of spoiling, and had become a symbol and a legend far out her reach. It was all for the best. If she had seen Jake the day she finally understood what had happened above Earth that day, she would currently be in jail.When she did finally contact him, she thanked him, because without his guidance of her sadistic daughter, worse consequences than the loss of her life would have befell them all. Then, she requested that they never, ever speak again. Jake understood entirely.

—

Naomi sends Rachel’s letter to Dan in the mail. He receives it, reads it, and cries for the first time since he was a boy. The sensation was disturbing. He was disturbed to find he felt sick afterwards, almost hungover. There’s a reason he left tears up to the women.

Rachel’s letter specifically told him to never forget about Jordan and Sara. It was the last request she ever made of him, his poor daughter who had gone through so much while he slept with P.A.’s in Connecticut. That night, he promised himself and her memory that he would never forget about his other two daughters, no matter how busy his life got. Even if he was never quite sure what to do with Jordan and Sara. Even if the longer he spent away from his daughters, the less connected he felt to them.

He never kept his promise.

—

Jake had to wait a while to talk to George and Ellen.

Life was a dizzy affair after the war. There was this event and that medal, this conversation and that handshake. The Animorphs were much too busy learning how to find the right camera and how to attach a lav mic to tie up loose ends. There came a time, finally, after the three sent Ax back to his homeworld (an event that was shown on all networks simultaneously) that they finally had time to talk.

Marco pulled Jake from his hotel room. They went into Cassie’s. Cassie sat on her bed, Jake at the desk, and Marco remained standing. This elevated him, made him larger. In these matters, he was the new general.

He looked at the two of them. “David,” he said.

David’s parents were a liability. They Animorphs had a certain image to uphold, an image that was very important. Jake had to kiss babies, Cassie had to wear skirts, and Marco had to always smile. This was their life now. They couldn’t have a story leak about about the Andalite bandits clearly abducting, then losing, a child. Too many Yeerks knew it had happened, least of all the ones in David’s family.

It was decided, by Cassie, that they would tell David’s parents that he had been a hero. That he had tried to fight, and had failed. That he died in battle, wrapped in the body of a golden lion.

It was decided, by Marco, that he was the one who would track down the family and speak to them. Marco was the only one who could swallow it all down, and truly stomach the lie.

Marco told them it went well. He said the story he made up held weight. Surpisingly-unsurprisingly, David’s parents wrote a book about him. It was called The Seventh Animorph. People spoke of his heroics more than they did of Tobias. 

After the book’s release, Jake drove to his aunt and uncle’s. They hadn’t been in much contact. Ellen and George had isolated themselves and their family over the years. It wasn’t a sudden shut down, or a finality of events, but a slow freeze that crept through the family like lips turning blue. There was Ellen and George, with wet faces and red eyes, mourning their son and their sanity. Then, there was less of them. Then, there was nothing.

They let Jake in with solemn faces. They offered him dry scones and weak tea. Jake waved it all away. He was in no position to accept even the humblest of offerings.

He explained what truly happened with David, leaving out David’s unsavory ending. He told them that it was David’s morphing Saddler that created the miracle, and that David’s murder of the half-dead shell-boy solved the mystery of the elevator.

Ellen stood up, pushed her shoulders back, and spat on him.

Jake didn’t know what to do. He had rehearsed every angle of this conversation, but had never anticipated that particular reaction. It was animal, uncouth and undignified, and on some level, Jake knew he deserved it.

“I know it’s hard to understand,” Jake said calmly, using his firmest tone, “But it is the truth.”

That’s when the screaming began. Jake said nothing. This outcome, he had expected. He bore it as best he could and, an hour later, when it hadn’t subsided, he quietly excused himself, and left.

He never saw Ellen and George again, and he never would.

—-

There should be a word for the friends of a sibling, Jordan thought. It’s not that they’re important to you, not really, but they’re consistent and comforting. Cassie had slept over at Rachel’s house so many times that she had her own toothbrush in the bathroom. Every summer, Naomi organized a late-July visit to The Gardens, and while Jordan and Sara had a rotating cast of friends, Rachel always brought Cassie. Cassie was a sort of family member, in her own little way. Berenson-adjunct.

Jordan never knew Cassie that well, but she knew enough to see the changes in her. She wore make-up, now, and pantyhose. She had to, to get people to listen. Jordan was eighteen, and she had already learned that lesson.

Cassie was on the TV, rambling about this, that, or the other. Yellowstone, Hork-Bajir, Brazil, who cared. Jordan didn’t. She turned off the TV, relishing in her ability to do so.

Jordan had been living on her own for six months. She’d moved out while her mom was at work. She lived alone in a nice, new apartment, one that was just a few blocks from the Santa Barbara Andalite tourist center. This suited Jordan. She worked at the Cinnabon. She liked Andalites a lot, and was always especially patient with them, even when they were arrogant and frustrating. She made the staff keep it a secret that she was Rachel Berenson’s sister. She missed her big sister terribly, but she’d been young and malleable when it happened, and she survived, and she didn’t want the shadow to hang over her any more.

That’s why she left her mother’s house as soon as she could. She needed to be in complete control of her life. She needed to decide what to watch, when she wanted to watch it, even if that meant Cassie was on the screen.She couldn’t have done it without Jake. He’d helped her load everything into a truck, and went shopping with her to buy the sort of things a freshly eighteen-year-old didn’t have. He paid for the apartment, actually. She never could afford to live here, not on a Cinnabon salary.

Jordan stretched out on her brand new couch, very specifically not caring that she was still wearing shoes. She turned the TV back on, just to see Cassie’s face.

—

Sara never moves out. Sara lives with her mother for so long that, eventually, her mother lives with her. Sara marries half-heartedly, and he moves into the house that Rachel’s reward money built. He’s a nice boy, attractive and simple, and he doesn’t mind the attachment Sara and her mom have for one another. Sara likes to be needed, and her mother needs to have Sara. It it up to eldest daughters to challenge their mothers, while the youngest daughters provide stability and comfort. Sara does her job well.

— 

Jean and Steve Berenson felt sick with how much had slipped past them. But who could blame them?

The Sharing was a healthy, helpful organization, they thought, and they were proud that Tom had taken such a strong interest. Jake spent entirely too much time with Marco, but little Marco clearly needed Jake’s influence. Their boy was good, and Marco was without a mother and had much too much freedom. Their boys were both so, so good.

A childless house meant they could discuss what needed to be discussed. They discussed Jean not bringing in any more money, relying on Steve to take on clients he had no time for. They discussed Steve using his long office hours as an excuse to just not come home. They discussed Steve’s shirts smelling like his secretary’s perfume, and his secretary avoiding Jean’s eyes whenever she visited. “You’re doing exactly what Naomi did to Dan,” Jean would say, tear choked and desperate, and Steve would scream, “You’re not! Fucking! Listening!”

It was hard to notice that they were fighting in a war when Jean and Steve were locked in one themselves.

It was a well known fact that a child’s death often dissolves a marriage, but Steve and Jean survived against all odds. There was no such blueprint for couples that lost one child, who was an imposter the entire time, because their other child sent their niece to kill him in a kamikaze mission. Steve and Jean had been through more than they could sort through, and the only people they had were each other.

When the war ended, Jean and Steve renewed their vows. They invited Jake, but he was not in the ceremony.

They were as relieved as they were horrified that he had left Earth in a rogue Yeerk vehicle. They never spoke of it, but all three knew that a love without like was all the family had these days. They loved Jake, really and truly, but it so hard to look at him and not see their eldest. Jake would never say it, but it was just as hard for him to see the two people who had been so close, and had noticed nothing.

Every year, Steve invites Dan and George for Rosh Hashanah. They never come.

[lifeofaliterarynerd]

We Need Diverse Books: Black History Month Edition                                          *Books by black authors and/or have black protagonists

How It Went Down - Kekla Magoon //  When sixteen-year-old Tariq Johnson dies from two gunshot wounds, his community is thrown into an uproar. Tariq was black. The shooter, Jack Franklin, is white. In the aftermath of Tariq's death, everyone has something to say, but no two accounts of the events line up. Day by day, new twists further obscure the truth. Tariq's friends, family, and community struggle to make sense of the tragedy, and to cope with the hole left behind when a life is cut short. 

X - Ilyasah Shabazz & Kekla Magoon //  Cowritten by Malcolm X’s daughter, this riveting and revealing novel follows the formative years of the man whose words and actions shook the world. X follows Malcolm from his childhood to his imprisonment for theft at age twenty, when he found the faith that would lead him to forge a new path and command a voice that still resonates today.

The Hate U Give - Angie Thomas // Sixteen-year-old Starr lives in two worlds: the poor neighbourhood where she was born and raised and her posh high school in the suburbs. The uneasy balance between them is shattered when Starr is the only witness to the fatal shooting of her unarmed best friend, Khalil, by a police officer. Now what Starr says could destroy her community. It could also get her killed.  

The Women of Brewster Place - Gloria Naylor //  We follow the stories of seven women living in Brewster Place, a bleak inner-city sanctuary, creating a powerful, moving portrait of the strengths, struggles, and hopes of black women in America. Vulnerable and resilient, openhanded and open-hearted, these women forge their lives in a place that in turn threatens and protects—a common prison and a shared home. 

Piecing Me Together - Renée Watson //  Jade believes she must get out of her neighborhood if she’s ever going to succeed. Her mother says she has to take every opportunity. She has. She accepted a scholarship to a mostly-white private school and even Saturday morning test prep opportunities. But some opportunities feel more demeaning than helpful. Like an invitation to join Women to Women, a mentorship program for “at-risk” girls. Except really, it’s for black girls. From “bad” neighborhoods. 

Shadowshaper - Daniel José Older //  Sierra Santiago was looking forward to a fun summer of making art, hanging out with her friends, and skating around Brooklyn. But then a weird zombie guy crashes the first party of the season. Sierra's near-comatose abuelo begins to say "No importa" over and over. And when the graffiti murals in Bed-Stuy start to weep.... Well, something stranger than the usual New York mayhem is going on.

The Rock and The River - Kekla Magoon //  Set in 1968 Chicago, Thirteen -year-old Sam realizes it's not easy being the son of known civil rights activist Roland Childs. Especially when his older (and best friend), Stick, begins to drift away from him for no apparent reason. And then it happens: Sam finds something that changes everything forever. Sam has always had faith in his father, but when he finds literature about the Black Panthers under Stick's bed, he's not sure who to believe: his father or his best friend. Suddenly, nothing feels certain anymore. 

Monster - Walter Dean Myers //    Sixteen-year-old Steve Harmon is on trial for murder. A Harlem drugstore owner was shot and killed in his store, and the word is that Steve served as the lookout. Guilty or innocent, Steve becomes a pawn in the hands of "the system," cluttered with cynical authority figures and unscrupulous inmates, who will turn in anyone to shorten their own sentences. For the first time, Steve is forced to think about who he is as he faces prison, where he may spend all the tomorrows of his life. 

This Side of Home - Renée Watson //  Identical twins Nikki and Maya have been on the same page for everything—friends, school, boys and starting off their adult lives at a historically African-American college. But as their neighborhood goes from rough-and-tumble to up-and-coming, suddenly filled with pretty coffee shops and boutiques, Nikki is thrilled while Maya feels like their home is slipping away. Suddenly, the sisters who had always shared everything must confront their dissenting feelings on the importance of their ethnic and cultural identities and, in the process, learn to separate themselves from the long shadow of their identity as twins. 

Brown Girl Dreaming - Jacqueline Woodson //  Raised in South Carolina and New York, Woodson always felt halfway home in each place. In vivid poems, she shares what it was like to grow up as an African American in the 1960s and 1970s, living with the remnants of Jim Crow and her growing awareness of the Civil Rights movement. Touching and powerful, each poem is both accessible and emotionally charged, each line a glimpse into a child’s soul as she searches for her place in the world.  

Promise of Shadows - Justine Ireland //  Zephyr Mourning has never been very good at being a Harpy. She’d rather watch reality TV than learn forty-seven ways to kill a man, and she pretty much sucks at wielding magic. Zephyr was ready for a future pretending to be a normal human instead of a half-god assassin. But all that changes when her sister is murdered—and she uses a forbidden dark power to save herself from the same fate. 

Fake ID - Lamara Giles //   My name isn’t really Nick Pearson. I shouldn’t tell you where I’m from or why my family moved to Stepton, Virginia. I shouldn’t tell you who I really am, or my hair, eye, and skin color. And I definitely shouldn’t tell you about my friend Eli Cruz and the major conspiracy he was about to uncover when he died—right after I moved to town. About how I had to choose between solving his murder with his hot sister, Reya, and “staying low-key” like the Program has taught me. About how moving to Stepon changed my life forever. But I’m going to 

Endangered - Lamar Giles //  The one secret she cares about keeping—her identity—is about to be exposed. Unless Lauren "Panda" Daniels—an anonymous photoblogger who specializes in busting classmates and teachers in compromising positions—plays along with her blackmailer's little game of Dare or . . . Dare. But when the game turns deadly, Panda doesn't know what to do. And she may need to step out of the shadows to save herself . . . and everyone else on the Admirer's hit list. 

Don’t Fail Me Now - Una LaMarche //  Michelle and Leah only have one thing in common: Buck Devereaux, the biological father who abandoned them when they were little. After news trickles back to them that Buck is dying, they make the uneasy decision to drive across country to his hospice in California. Leah hopes for closure; Michelle just wants to give him a piece of her mind. Five people in a failing, old station wagon, living off free samples at food courts across America, and the most pressing question on Michelle’s mind is: Who will break down first--herself or the car? 

Flygirl - Sherri L Smith //  Ida Mae Jones dreams of flight. Her daddy was a pilot and being black didn't stop him from fulfilling his dreams. But her daddy's gone now, and being a woman, and being black, are two strikes against her. When America enters the war with Germany and Japan, the Army creates the WASP, the Women Airforce Service Pilots - and Ida suddenly sees a way to fly as well as do something significant to help her brother stationed in the Pacific. But even the WASP won't accept her as a black woman, forcing Ida Mae to make a difficult choice of "passing," of pretending to be white to be accepted into the program. Hiding one's racial heritage, denying one's family, denying one's self is a heavy burden. And while Ida Mae chases her dream, she must also decide who it is she really wants to be. 

Mare’s War - Tanita S Davis //  Meet Mare, a World War II veteran and a grandmother like no other. She was once a willful teenager who escaped her less than perfect life in the deep South and lied about her age to join the African American Battalion of the Women's Army Corps. Now she is driving her granddaughters—two willful teenagers in their own rite—on a cross-country road trip. The girls are initially skeptical of Mare's flippy wigs and stilletos, but they soon find themselves entranced by the story she has to tell, and readers will be too. 

Not Otherwise Specified - Hannah Mockowitz //  Etta is tired of dealing with all of the labels and categories that seem so important to everyone else in her small Nebraska hometown. Everywhere she turns, someone feels she's too fringe for the fringe. Not gay enough for the Dykes, her ex-clique, thanks to a recent relationship with a boy; not tiny and white enough for ballet, her first passion; and not sick enough to look anorexic (partially thanks to recovery). Etta doesn’t fit anywhere— until she meets Bianca, the straight, white, Christian, and seriously sick girl in Etta’s therapy group. Both girls are auditioning for Brentwood, a prestigious New York theater academy that is so not Nebraska. Bianca seems like Etta’s salvation, but how can Etta be saved by a girl who needs saving herself? 

Parable of the Sower - Octavia Butler //  When unattended environmental and economic crises lead to social chaos, not even gated communities are safe. In a night of fire and death Lauren Olamina, a minister's young daughter, loses her family and home and ventures out into the unprotected American landscape. But what begins as a flight for survival soon leads to something much more: a startling vision of human destiny... and the birth of a new faith. 

The Sun is Also a Star-Nicola Yoon //  Follow Natasha, a girl who believes in science and facts, as she meets Daniel, a dutiful son and dreamer, as they spend a single day together in New York - and try to stop Natasha’s family from being deported to Jamacia.

Everything, Everything - Nicola Yoon //  My disease is as rare as it is famous. Basically, I’m allergic to the world. I don’t leave my house, have not left my house in seventeen years. The only people I ever see are my mom and my nurse, Carla. But then one day, a moving truck arrives next door. I look out my window, and I see him. His name is Olly. Maybe we can’t predict the future, but we can predict some things. For example, I am certainly going to fall in love with Olly. It’s almost certainly going to be a disaster 

Pointe - Brandy Colbert //  Theo is better now. She's eating again, dating guys who are almost appropriate, and well on her way to becoming an elite ballet dancer. But when her oldest friend, Donovan, returns home after spending four long years with his kidnapper, Theo starts reliving memories about his abduction—and his abductor. Donovan isn't talking about what happened, and even though Theo knows she didn't do anything wrong, telling the truth would put everything she's been living for at risk. But keeping quiet might be worse. 

The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl - Issa Rae //  Being an introvert in a world that glorifies cool isn’t easy. But  Rae covers everything from cybersexing in the early days of the Internet to deflecting unsolicited comments on weight gain, from navigating the perils of eating out alone and public displays of affection to learning to accept yourself—natural hair and all.

Tiny Pretty Things - Dhonielle Clayton & Sona Charaipotra //  Gigi, Bette, and June, three top students at an exclusive Manhattan ballet school, have seen their fair share of drama. Free-spirited new girl Gigi just wants to dance—but the very act might kill her. Privileged New Yorker Bette's desire to escape the shadow of her ballet star sister brings out a dangerous edge in her. And perfectionist June needs to land a lead role this year or her controlling mother will put an end to her dancing dreams forever. When every dancer is both friend and foe, the girls will sacrifice, manipulate, and backstab to be the best of the best. 

Liar-Justine Larbalestier //  Micah will freely admit that she’s a compulsive liar, but that may be the one honest thing she’ll ever tell you. Over the years she’s duped her classmates, her teachers, and even her parents, and she’s always managed to stay one step ahead of her lies. That is, until her boyfriend dies under brutal circumstances and her dishonesty begins to catch up with her. But is it possible to tell the truth when lying comes as naturally as breathing? 

Hidden Figures - Margot Lee Shatterly //  Before John Glenn orbited the earth or Neil Armstrong walked on the moon, a group of dedicated female mathematicians known as “human computers” used pencils, slide rules, and adding machines to calculate the numbers that would launch rockets, and astronauts, into space. This book brings to life the stories of Dorothy Vaughan, Mary Jackson, Katherine Johnson, and Christine Darden, four African-American women who lived through the Civil Rights era, the Space Race, the Cold War, and the movement for gender equality, and whose work forever changed the face of NASA and the country. 

The Color Purple - Alice Walker //  Taking place mostly in rural Georgia, the story focuses on the life of women of color in the southern United States in the 1930s, addressing numerous issues including their exceedingly low position in American social culture. The novel has been the frequent target of censors and appears on the American Library Association list of the 100 Most Frequently Challenged Books of 2000-2009 at number seventeen because of the sometimes explicit content, particularly in terms of violence. 

Sister Citizen- Melissa Harris Perry //  Not a traditional political science work concerned with office-seeking, voting, or ideology, Sister Citizen instead explores how African American women understand themselves as citizens and what they expect from political organizing. Harris-Perry shows that the shared struggle to preserve an authentic self and secure recognition as a citizen links together black women in America, from the anonymous survivors of Hurricane Katrina to the former First Lady of the United States. 

The Blossoming Universe of Violet Diamond - Brenda Woods //  Violet is a smart, funny, brown-eyed, brown-haired girl in a family of blonds. Her mom is white, and her dad, who died before she was born, was black. She attends a mostly white school where she sometimes feels like a brown leaf on a pile of snow. She’s tired of people asking if she’s adopted. Now that Violet’s eleven, she decides it’s time to learn about her African American heritage. And despite getting off to a rocky start trying to reclaim her dad’s side of the family, she can feel her confidence growing as the puzzle pieces of her life finally start coming together. 

The Summer of Chasing Mermaids - Sarah Ockler //  The youngest of six talented sisters, Elyse d'Abreau was destined for stardom - until a boating accident took everything from her. Now, the most beautiful singer in Tobago can't sing. She can't even speak. Seeking quiet solitude, Elyse accepts a friend's invitation to Atargatis Cove. Named for the mythical first mermaid, the Oregon seaside town is everything Elyse's home in the Caribbean isn't: an ocean too cold for swimming, parties too tame for singing, and people too polite to pry - except for one.

Black Boy White School - Brian F Walker  //  Anthony “Ant” Jones has never been outside his rough East Cleveland neighborhood when he’s given a scholarship to Belton Academy, an elite prep school in Maine.But at Belton things are far from perfect. Everyone calls him “Tony,” assumes he’s from Brooklyn, expects him to play basketball, and yet acts shocked when he fights back. As Anthony tries to adapt to a world that will never fully accept him, he’s in for a rude awakening: Home is becoming a place where he no longer belongs.

[trendingnewsb]

Mourning John Perry Barlow, the Bard of the Internet

When I first met John Perry Barlow, we became instant soulmates. While that sentence is true for me, it also applies to probably 10,000 other people. That was Barlow—whether you were a world-famous avatar of LSD, a stuffy CEO, or the Vice President of the United States, he would win you over with his affable demeanor, arresting observations, and a mordant take on the human condition.

He had a unique and compelling credential—“junior lyricist of the Grateful Dead” was the way he put it—and he wielded it like an all-access laminate to the concert hall of life. His rock and roll bona fides was only one strand of a web of myths he pulled out of his suede jacket like a well-rolled joint: cowboy, poet, romantic, family man, philosopher, and ultimately, the bard of the digital revolution. He was an influential voice and an intimate participant in the early days of Wired, a co-founder and spiritual inspiration for the Electronic Frontier Foundation (EFF), and the guy who promoted cyberspace as deftly as Steve Jobs hyped Apple. By the time he was done, he was more famous for proselytizing the internet than he was for co-writing “Cassidy” and other Dead classics.

Done he is—Barlow died in his sleep last night in San Francisco. He was 70 years old.

Barlow’s impact is such that even those who aren’t familiar with his name have long been grappling with his vision of the networked world, one where speech and creativity flow unfettered, and truth targets power with the speed of a bullet. But Barlow won’t be remembered only for the way he rustled prose, ideas or lyrics. IRL, he was bigger than life.

Barlow was never shy about sharing his biography. He hailed from Pinedale, Wyoming, where his family had lived for generations. He fatefully went off to a Colorado boarding school, where his roommate (and, naturally, soulmate) was future Dead guitarist Bob Weir. Barlow went to college in the liberal arts enclave of Wesleyan, where by his own description he cut a troubadour-ish figure with his motorcycle and ten-gallon Stetson. Back in Wyoming, he helped with the ranch, which seemed to have a function beyond raising cattle—a place where rich kids would go to get straightened out. One of those kids was John F. Kennedy Jr., who became a close Barlow friend. Meanwhile, as his former roommate Bob Weir found himself in a celebrated rock and roll band, Barlow began helping him put words to music, at first for a Weir solo album and then for the Dead in general.

I’m not sure how Barlow became interested in technology—maybe it was just his highly tuned zeitgeist antenna. Somehow he wound up at a Hackers Conference in 1989, where I met him. As a sometimes Deadhead, I had a fan-boy attraction to someone who was part of the family. But he was keenly interested in the world of hackers and we spoke endlessly about that. A few weeks later, when I scored a couple of tickets to the Bay Bridge World Series, I offered one to him. Twenty minutes before the starting time, the Earth shook—the Loma Prieta earthquake. It wasn’t until well after midnight that we found a working telephone to report ourselves alive to our respective wives.

Over the next few years, I watched with fascination as Barlow became a leading voice in technology. With no engineering experience whatsoever, he became a great explainer, turning his gift for bullshit into a force for comprehension. He could hang around a bunch of cryptographers for a while and two weeks later explain public key crypto (pretty much) to a room of bankers, diplomats, and corporate managers. Even more important, he grasped the soul of the technology, whether the transporting aspects of virtual reality or the glorious disruptiveness of friction-free distribution. In this current era of digital remorse, his Panglossian take on the net is sometimes mocked. But as he explained to Andy Greenberg a couple of years ago, he was all too aware that the possibilities he celebrated would be the artifacts of an ideal outcome, a scenario worth working for. One still worth dreaming about.

During the 1990s, Barlow worked his way into the center of big tech discussions, both through his writing and his activism. He convinced software entrepreneur Mitch Kapor to fund the EFF—a foundation devoted to preserving digital human rights that forged an admirable legacy over the next few decades. He became pals with Tim Leary. Barlow also found soulmates in the Clinton White House and the NSA. When one friend accused him of liking Air Force Two a little too much (yes, Al Gore was a Deadhead) Barlow professed to be hurt, and then admitted there was more than a little truth to that. Naturally, his epic manifesto of the digital age, “A Declaration of Independence for Cyberspace” was banged out on a keyboard during a World Economic Forum.

His big ideas and big personality often overshadowed what I thought was Barlow’s underrated power as a writer. Between 1989 and the early 2000s he created a series of operatic non-fiction pieces—on virtual reality, on the prosecution of hackers, and of course on the meaning of cyberspace—that matched the best in the business. I would often goad him to get into that business. Indeed he was forever planning to write a magnum opus on his technology views, to be entitled “Everything You Know Is Wrong.” But he never seemed to have the time or discipline to craft that legacy-making big book.

Barlow was always on the move, and in email dispatches he sent to a voluminous mailing list of friends–“by that I mean those who would bail me out of jail,” he’d explain to the hundreds who fit that category–he’d share a complicated itinerary, along with his current location in “meatspace.” Despite his self-styled rambling man persona, he adored his three daughters, whom he dubbed the Barlowettes. But in 1993, Barlow met and fell hard for a young woman who was attending a conference at a hotel where Barlow also happened to be staying. She was a brilliant psychiatrist just short of thirty. The two of them moved into my Greenwich Village apartment while my family was spending a year in Western Massachusetts. When we moved back, we kicked him out—he never did manage to fulfill his vague promise to pay us some rent—and they moved to a ground floor apartment on 23rd St.

All was cool, and in early 1994, I accompanied the couple, along with a Barlowette or two, to a Grateful Dead concert at Nassau Coliseum, on New York’s Long Island. Going to a Dead concert with Barlow was something special. Even as a non-performing member of the Illuminati, he was regarded with awe. The sea of Deadheads would magically part as he made his way through them, Gandhi-style, and you could follow him into increasingly fortified sanctums until you made it to Bobby Weir’s dressing room. He later wrote that, with his love beside him, he understood the words to his own songs for the first time.

A few weeks later Dr. Horner, as he called her, fell asleep on a plane to JFK and did not wake up. When I heard she was dead, I rushed over to 23rd Street, where John Kennedy and I did our best to console Barlow. That night there was no laughter.

Over the past decade or so I saw Barlow only sporadically. Naturally, Barlow managed to remain in the center of the zeitgeist, becoming tight with Ed Snowden and Julian Assange, and getting plenty of facetime in the recent 900-hour (it seemed) documentary of the Dead. Every time I ran into him was a pleasure. In April 2015, I was interviewing a scientist at Stanford Medical Center when I got a Facebook alert that Barlow was nearby. When I pinged him, he told me he was in the emergency room, and I went down to see him. We had our usual conversation—plenty of laughs—as doctors came in and out, taking samples and hooking up IVs. “I suspect this will pass as mysteriously as [it] came,” he messaged me the next day.

No such luck—he remained hospitalized for months on and off for the next few years, moving into cyber-rights activist John Gilmore’s San Francisco Victorian, dubbed Toad Hall. He almost died a couple of times, but then rallied. You could see that after each of those episodes a little more was gone from him, like a thrice Xeroxed document. But when I visited him last year, we spent the whole time laughing again. And even last week on his Facebook feed, there were two pictures of a wisp-like Barlow with a smile on his face: one shot with his new grandchild and the other of him scarfing down a cheeseburger while his old friend Bobby looked on. Say what you will about the toxic internet, it was good to see those photos.

Better yet is the news he posted just about a week ago that he had finished an autobiographical novel that Penguin will publish. “You may be in it,” he told the thousands of soulmates, and we probably will.

Talking about his famous band in 2005, Barlow wrote, “Many of us are actually dead now… many more of us would be had we not developed such an astonishing facility for spitting in the Devil’s eye and laughing.”

Now Barlow can expectorate directly into the Satan’s outraged punim while Jerry Garcia, Tim Leary, and Doctor Horner cheer him on. For those of us left behind, the world is dumber and less fun.

Barlow's Legacy

The former Grateful Dead lyricist reflects on his famous “Declaration of Independence of Cyberspace” 20 years after its publication.

Barlow wasn't the only famous Deadhead behind the invention of Silicon Valley.

The digital rights pioneer landed on a proto-prototype cover of the first issue of WIRED.

Read more: https://www.wired.com/story/mourning-john-perry-barlow-the-bard-of-the-internet/

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