#and decide...how we want to handle this
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
actually it really sucks that my sole living grandmother and, apparently, my father, are BOTH experiencing memory loss, and potentially the early stages of dementia, at the SAME TIME! wow! a bogo!
that old newspaper was rightālife isn't just one thing after another. the damn things overlap.
#my dreams of experiencing tragedies one at a time have been quashed.#so.#there are times...there are times i wish i drank#which is of course why i don't#anyway i have completely lost the genetic lottery in case anyone was wondering#my mom and her sister are in like round three of a fight#with my grandmother#over her currently-oncoming loss of mental acuity#they don't even want her driving rn#but she refuses to take any precautions#(personally i don't think she's quite there yet#but ill admit i don't like geographically close to her#so i may not be the best judge)#and then! yesterday! i hear from one of my beloved brothers!#that our father! the second smartest person i've ever met!#a cunning bastard. the kind who's run circles around everyone his entire life#....MY entire life.#my father. is. having memory problems. not egregious.....not yet#but his father had alzheimers. his father died of alzheimers a decade ago#so the fact that he suddenly can't remember regularly scheduled appointments#or sometimes his goddamned PHONE PASS CODE#well. just....fuck#next week we will be happy. we will all be together. we will celebrate one of our other brothers during his weekend of jubilee#and then my brother and i will take this issue before the committee (all four of us siblings)#and decide...how we want to handle this#on god i will not be like my mother. we won't do that#but boy. if my grandmother is willfully stubborn about her own faults#my father....whew. that's a battle i don't want to fight#because we won't win#or winning will come at a terrible cost
1 note
Ā·
View note
Note
"SAY NO MORE SIR!"
*grabs my leather bag and pulls out a comically long chain of handkerchiefs tied together and a lamp*
"erm one sec it's here somewhere....."
*my hand inside the bag starts glowing and a kitty of light with the gigachad face is in my arms in the simba⢠pose*
"alas. Sonic you must bow before the ultimate kitty because you arent ultimate sry chat..šæš"
"AHA NOW KITH!"
(YAYAYYAAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYSAYATAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAAYATATATTAATATATTTATATTATATAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYY)
[shadow's inner monologue at that moment went something like this:
Ugh... the... kitty- NO, MUST RESIST- but... the kitty...- NO, SHADOW. IT'S NOT WORTH IT, YOU'LL DO SOMETHING YOU'LL REGRET WHEN YOU'RE OLDER. PEOPLE WILL COME UP TO YOU IN THE FUTURE, AND YOU WILL HAVE TO TELL THEM THAT YOU AND SONIC AREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP, AND THEY WON'T STOP BOTHERING YOU. IT'S NOT WORTH IT- but the kitty... it's... all of it... the ultimate kitty.... -that does sound pretty cool but you CAN'T SHADOW. REPULSED, REMEMBER? YOU'LL DO IT AND THEN YOU'LL FEEL THAT ANXIOUS FEELING IN YOUR STOMACH THAT GROWS AND GROWS AND YOU JUST FEEL SO OVERWHELMED AND UNCOMFORTABLE AND OH GOD-]
I... I- I- I-
[Sonic gets up from where he's been bowing, expression morphing from a playful flirt to a worried, faltering grin. His eyes train, briefly, on Shadow's chest; it's started to rise and fall at a quicker pace, faster than he's ever seen it- even during all of their races and petty fights.]
Hey, are- are you feeling alright?
[He steps closer to Shadow, but Shadow's expression only morphs further into something closely resembling horror before masking itself quickly with anger.]
GET AWAY FROM ME. I JUST- I just want- ARGH!
[He backs into a 'corner' of the space, curling into a ball.]
You're all the same. You'll force me to do such a thing... when I...
... I think maybe that was a boundary we shouldn't have crossed. Sorry guys, no kisses for Shadow in the near future. Or, uh, judging by that reaction, probably ever. Sooooooo if you don't mind, I'll justttttttt... yep that cat's ours now OK BYE
[EXPLANATION IN THE TAGS -š]
#ask#sth#sonic fandom#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#ask blog#send asks#shadow the hedgehog#anon ask#sorry anon I just really need to get something across here#trying to get some more representation into the blog.#As much as i love mary poppins (LOVE HER MOVIES);#we gotta talk about a thing.#what I've done here (this is a mod edgyš thing by the way; maybe not all mods will enforce this) is introduce romance repulsed shadow.#when you're romance REPULSED- it's really hard to do things like kiss without getting that feeling in your stomach that you're lying-#to yourself. it's that anxious feeling when you're overstimulated and there's that pain in your stomach and you wanna cry bc you feel like-#you're pressuring yourself into doing a thing that you don't want#and that's romantic repulsion- at least to me.#it's just that i've noticed recently that a LOT of people have been sending in super cheesy romance-related asks and maybe some people here#aren't very comfortable with that. so I've decIded to add maybe a bit of a new dynamic here just so that people can understand how-#different types of aromantic or asexual people work. sonic for example- or at least as far as I can tell within the continuity of this blog#is relatively ok with romantic gestures; he just doesn't actually feel anything since he's aroace. as far as i can describe it's like that-#'meh' feeling that you get when you're- say- eating something that you don't really hate but you also don't really love. y'know?#so he's ok with doing stuff 'for the bit'.#shadow on the other hand is handled a bit differently. because he's repulsed- when you give him that sort of 'pressure' or 'suggestion' to-#do something romantic or sexual- he HATES the idea of that. It's against all of his principles and values. It HURTS- mentally; emotionally;#somewhat physically depending on how anxious you get; to go against that principle. In his mind it's like he's not being truthful-#to himself and it's so painful.#so. yeah.#aroace
24 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
I just finished house md. I don't think I ever saw something so gay before.
#That was so gay and tragic#like bro#Why would you do that for your āfriendā#I don't think he know how gay that was#I mean he just couldn't handle Wilson death and so decided to fake his own death to spebf the rest of their time together#Man that just another level of love#And the fact that Wilson didn't even know he was alive but still insulted him like they always did#I'm sorry but I found this actually sweet#Because we know he just don't want him to be dead and he don't want to lie about who he was#they make me sick#so much love#hilson#house md#dr house#james wilson#Please RSL stop dying in show I can't handle it
39 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
I keep turning this concept in my head but I can't manage to write it satisfactorily so here I am, setting it out in the wild:
Tim Drake being alerted that Batman INC is something that is in the planning stages of it happening (maybe by Lucius, maybe by Tam, who even knows, look he was CEO for a while and someone is worried about Bruce Wayne about to go public with Batman INC and they get in touch with him) and going to Bruce and refusing to let him do this.
Because Bruce is needed in Gotham and Batman is needed in Gotham, and while Dick is doing a great job and no one will convince Tim of the contrary, that's not Dick's job. It's Bruce's.
(Who also has a son who just got his father back and if anyone knows what it would mean for a son who lost their father to get that father back when you know it's not going to happen... well lets say Tim has Opinions about this [and while he might not get along with Damian all that well yet, they are in that neutral state where Damian is like a cat observing things and studying dynamics and Tim has always been able to work with people he doesn't like or even trust much, so he's not going to punish the kid over whatever's went down between them.])
And besides, let's be real here Bruce, if you want a Batman that can go around the world and pull together teams and make them cohesive and knows what it's needed to be a successful team of young / upcoming young heroes, that's way more Dick than you yourself. Would be preferrable if he was allowed to do it as Nightwing, but the point still stands.
Just ... Tim pow-wowing with Bruce over the whole sitch and convicing him to back down. Not abandon the project, Tim knows that will not happen no matter what Tim does, but trusting it to Dick, who is way better with both younger people and people skills in general than Bruce.
(Which actually is not meant to separate Damian from Dick, Dick can come in from one assignment to the next and check on Damian and this is not the time it was when Tim was growing up, they have communications all over the globe now, Dick can phonecall and videocall Damian as many times as he wants and check on him as often as he wishes, but if Batman INC is happening, and it will happen because Bruce has decided it will, then Tim can only do damage control over this)
And possibly Bruce leveraging Tim staying in Gotham (which, joke's on Bruce, Tim was going to do that anyway, but sure he'll "concede") and possibly "asking" (ordering, let's be real here) Tim to help train Damian (which Tim isn't enthusiastic about but fine, he'll make it work as long as Bruce has his back), for multiple reasons.
A bit because Bruce sort of feels guilty that Tim was kicked out of the Robin role (Bruce HAD promised it would be Tim's until Tim decided otherwise, [which I don't think Dick knew about and even if he had, the situation still had been what it was, to be fair to Dick]) but also Bruce doesn't quite know what to do with Damian (and it wouldn't be the first time he's trusted Tim to teach young heroes / guide someone in a vigilante role) and also he both wants Tim to be there with him (he's missed him) and needs him there with himself (Tim the emotional regulation parentified wonder!).
And then shenanigans from there.
#dc comics#my plotbunny#plotbunnies released in the wild#mostly what I keep chewing on is Tim coming in and being like We Need To Talk Bruce#notice that I made no mention of Damian and anything school related#because I doubt TIM would think of it#he'd just assume that Bruce would think about it subconsciously and not worry about it himself because it's a parental duty#and Tim is not Damian's parent PLUS Tim dropped out of school himself and doesn't want to think of school if he can avoid it#let's be real here#tim drake#bruce wayne#I do not think Damian would know or realize that Tim is the one behind the suggestion that Dick take lead on Batman INC#because I do not think Bruce would present it as Tim's idea but rather just as āI have decided to do it this way so it will be doneā#and Tim would have no need to let it be known that it came from him so he would just be checking his grapples / working on a case in the bg#and happily let Bruce with the fallout of delivering the news and handling the reactions to them#this would also allow Dick time to R&R / open a window for the Titans to come see him -> realize the state Dick's in -> start hounding him#enter Donna#enter the other Titans#and then Damian gets to know his father and possibly go to school and learn things and see how things actually are when Bruce is there#and Tim gets to touch bases back in Gotham and re-establish himself and we can reintroduce Tim's civilian cast#and Tim establishing an identity for himself that is still Partner To Batman without necessarily being Robin#I wish I could write this out as a fic but my brain is NOT cooperating#for fuck's sake brain
55 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
donāt read the tags if you donāt want to get mad at me but also i want to shout into the void about 911
#i have a theory#hashtag my theory#when it comes to eddieās texas storyline and tbh the whole dead wife doppelgƤnger storyline that started it all#i think it a lot of it doesnāt make sense to us because we always wanted the outcome to be that eddie brings chris back#and that chris would eventually want to come back#but my guess is that the writers were debating the whole time if they should just write eddie and chris off the show#and i do think they were about to do that#and thatās why eddie is missing from some of the eps during the end of last season#i know no one likes to think that but honestly iām pretty sure something was going on bts#and this would explain why the storyline seemed to drag on forever#also this is not an invitation to speculate why gavin wanted a break#thatās irrelevant#but yeah i donāt think the writers were prepared for that and then tim saw an opportunity there#to do his stupid vertigo storyline you know#but yeah i think we were THIS š¤š» close to eddie and chris moving permanently to texas#and being written off the show#like i never liked the storyline and i do think it couldāve been handled better#but also i do get that itās hard to come up with a good solution#when you have a kid character and then the actor wonāt be available for a long time#like yeah it was bad writing but even with better writing the end result wouldāve been the same#that chris wouldāve had to be gone for a long time#also this is not me dooming that ryan wants out!!!#i just think that since tim was stupid enough to kill bobby#that they were seriously thinking about the option of having eddie just stay in texas#and i think they decided against it only in the last minute before the season ended#š¤·š»āāļø#alright iām gonna shut up now before someone starts yelling at me#i didnāt want to write this in the tags of anyone elseās post and i donāt think that a lot of people on my dash agree with me on this#and maybe iām just annoyed that the quality of this show has gone downhill for few years now#so thatās why iām kind of āthinking the worstā⦠oh well. we shall see how season 9 startsā¦
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
the world, the Bible, every decent Christian Iāve ever spoken to: you know that being a Christian isnāt about rules and is in fact about a relationship with God, right?
me (autistic) (very young): yes! Quick question, how do I do that?
my parents, whom im beginning to realize might have been Mistaken about some things: well obviously you read the Bible and memorize all the rules in it, and if you think something might be right or wrong you check against the rules in the Bible!
me, (again, autistic): ok! Those are definitely different things and not the same thing in a different hat!
Me, recently, (I must stress, so so so autistic) watching the āruleā that you will know someoneās relationship with Christ by the fruits of the spirit and the āruleā that being gay or supporting gay people is morally wrong and you cannot maintain a relationship with God while living in sin like that smash into one another in real time as every actually decent Christian Iāve seen in the past six months has been either Gay or supportive of the LGBTQ: ā¦ā¦ oh shit have I been being homophobic and weirdly rules-lawyery the whole time. How the fuck did that happen? Where did the idea that āa relationship with Godā equals āknowing all the rules and checking everything against them?ā come from?
my parents in actual recent conversation: you cannot trust your understanding of God or your mind to adequately reach out to Him! You cannot trust your relationship with Him to be enough! To be on the safe side you should focus on what you can fully know (the Bible)! This totally isnāt self-contradictory considering you have to rely on your mind to interpret the Bible also!!
me, (very near an autistic meltdown): oh so. Oh so Iāve been faith-by-works-ing my way through this. I saw āwe cannot fully rely on our own power to know what God wantsā and instead of going āso I should Ask Himā I went āso I shouldnāt even try to ask and should instead follow a bunch of mostly made up rules.ā Great. Love that for me. I gotta change that now I fucking guess. Can I at least get a solid answer on whether wanting to marry someone of the same gender is chill or not, because Iām fighting fucking battles right now between my conservative family and my liberal friends and I want to not keep having to say āI guess Iām just not sureā every time someone gives a half-decent argument either way.
God, giving a shockingly clear and immediate answer: Girl you are single and entirely unready for a relationship. Also youāre ace. Also we just spent all this time on how youāre struggling because youāre terrified of trusting me with telling you whether something is wrong or not because you donāt believe Iāll tell you when you need to know. You donāt need to know right now. Youāre working through this mental hypothetical because youāre anxious and untrusting. You are completely and painfully single. Having some all-powerful sign that confirmed for all time that this was right or wrong would do absolutely nothing for you right now. Itād change nothing about how you treat gay people - you treat them well anyway. The only thing it would do would make you feel (falsely) like you wouldnāt need to rely on me anymore. Literally why would I do that.
me: ā¦ā¦.. well shit, ok then. That. Ok. Turns out Just Asking Him without checking the rules first⦠works. Ok. Ok ok ok. Very chill very cool very chill very cool.
#Molten rambles#Christianity#this is long and rambling and maybe slightly controversial my bad gang#Having a bit of a meltdown over here š#āHey have you considered your longstanding anxiety and constant mental anguish over your incapacity to decide-#-whether being gay was fully and completely morally good or bad is in fact an indicator that thatās how you think about morality in-#-the first place? And that thatās wrong? And in fact antithetical to a healthy relationship with and reliance on God? No?#Well consider it. Try holding space for nuance. Try not being certain about something. Try letting God handle something. Try loving people#-even if you donāt know perfectly for certain that what theyāre doing is right or wrong. Try letting them handle their own-#Conscience and relationship with the Lord and just dealing with your own shit. Yknow. Like it says to in the Bible.ā#Shocker really#I still hate it. I hate not knowing#I hate loving people so so so much and then having the little voice on the back of my head say āok but theyāre doing something Wrongā#And not being able to shut that voice up with Rules. Not being able to prove to my anxiety with Facts and Logic that itās stupid and mean#Not knowing if itās the Holy Spirit or my parents hatred rubbing off on me. But thatās the point#Nothing about my behavior would change if I knew it were right or wrong. Literally nothing#Iād treat people the same way. Iād vote the same. And I donāt have any imminent decisions to make concerning this.#The only thing itād do is give me an easy out on my own unhealthy self-reliance and lack of trust#So here we are ig#Why is this so hard <- maintaining an interpersonal relationship with the God of the universe a thing that is normal to want#And also possible to achieve??? Absolutely wild
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
\
#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
10 notes
Ā·
View notes
Note
Season 5 Merlin is maybe not a villain in a true sense but I think Season 1 Merlin, heck even Season 3 Merlin would be horrified by him and his choices and how he is in Seasin 5.There is a reason why he has become like this of course ā¦..
But I think an earlier Merlin would be so appalled by the fact that he would ever try to convince Arthur not to save Gwaine. Or that he would ever say the words āwhy did I agree to help Gwen?ā My jaw genuinely dropped at those words when I first saw that episode.
heās definitely changed from where he started in s1 thatās for sure but (in my humble opinion) s5 has a lot ofā¦. āinterestingā choices that feel so jarring (tho :) i personally think this could have been solved is we got a longer time with King Arthur and Queen Guinevere :) s4 disheveled King Arthur you will always be famous to ME)
idk itās hard to grapple with whatās a decision the character made that feels like something they would do given the previous seasons and their growth and what is a decision that was more for the sake of leading up dotd that feels ooc
for example: Merlin telling Arthur not to save Gwaine. it isnāt like Merlin to abandon and give up on someone he considers one of his closest friends (s3 Merlin would have his head for even considering this!). and, sure, maybe we can argue that Merlin does it as a way to keep Arthur out of danger (like how he lied about how the Ygraine Arthur saw in 2x08 was an illusion created by Morgause) bc the Battle of Camlaan is so close and going there might push more of the fate dominoes into place
but also, this argument isnāt one that would ever convince Arthur. you know, the King of Never Leave a Man Behind especially of its one of the knights he views as his closest friends (bc Gwaine is Arthurās friend. like that is a real canon thing). and maybe you could still argue that Merlinās fear of destiny outweighed his personal morals here, but it really falls flat when you remember how much Merlin has lost and doesnāt want to lose. Gwaine is someone he trust so much and cares for that to say they should leave him just rips the audience out of the immersion for a moment (it did for me anyway)
so uh yeah s1-3 Merlin would have a field day questioning s5 Merlin (which would be a fun fic to read btw š if you got recs please lmk) and his choices as well as be so appalled by them. but at the same time knowing that these choices were made out of his desire to protect Arthur might cause him to falter or maybe even struggle with wondering if his fate is inevitable
#forgive me if some show references arenāt 100% accurate rn#iām pulling everything from the top of my head#i decided to not really touch on the Gwen plot just bc how she is handled in s5 is just so :////#like i LOVED seeing her be Queen and itās just nice to see where she ends from where she started#but also :/ there was the whole possession plot and it could have been so good but ugh idk#maybe i just personally wish we saw more of Gwen being queen before that plot or something#also fandom discourse with s5 Gwen isnāt something i want to touch with a 50yd pole#yāall need to chill tf out with how you talk about her for real#but maybe the discourse changed to something civil after 2021 idk š¤·š»āāļø#anyway#bbc merlin#merlin emrys#asks#hmmmmm#idk if Iād call this a meta#maybe an observation?#opinion piece?
7 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
SKADJKAJFKSFSAA content warning: embarrassing moment during my dinner out... /lh
#so - my dinner party right? while eating - i couldnt help but notice the waiters that attend to our tables were... young and nice looking#SAGFHHJAHJGSDSAGAS LISTEN JUST LISTEN#one of them stood out to me - he just looked.. really good looking#i promise you i dont fall easily irl -- but this guy just caught my attention#he had the whole waiter outfit though it was more casual - i frowned noticing that he didnt have a nametag on like the other workers ASDDJA#everytime i passed by - i would glance at him and just.. idk appreciate him adjsahsjfksfs im so sorry if this sounds weird HELPLASDAWHA#he just kept visiting our table since there were many of us and i would just smile when he pops up#now when everyones done eating - he would pick up their plates and bro. he took one plate in front of me and i was not ready for it SDFGSHF#picked up the dish next to my sister and i was like ASDAHFJSDAGSD (BREATHE)#BUT YOU KNOW WHAT GOT WORST? (OR BEST?)#IT WAS GETTING LATE. THE RESTARAUNT WAS CLOSING UP AND THE WAITERS KINDA SLOWED DOWN WITH THEIR PACE#they were moving the chairs back in order. the guy i like decides to sit down. and hes there. just breathing#SUDDENLY HE STARTS TO REMOVE HIS BOWTIE AND I WAS LIKE.OH OKAY OKAY. OH#i thought that was it BUT THEN NOOOO HE UNDOES TWO OF HIS BUTTONS AND I SAW HIS COLLAR BROOO I WANTED TO GO HOME SO BAD#AND THEN WE WOULD ACCIDENTALLY MAKE EYE CONTACT WHAT KINDA FUCKIN WATTPAD STORY IS THISSSSSSSS#I WAS SO . EMBARRASSED BUT ALSO LIKE AKSJDAKJFS WHY IS HE SO FINE HHHRRR#i was legit praying to just think back to steven like i dont know how to handle this genuinely ahjdfksafhsfsa#what a day that was......#~ rambling#man i hope this never happens to me again /lh
16 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
ok. i guess
#i'm willing to forgive the acting lmao i'm biased & i've grown attached to these characters anyway#& i love that they gave these actors the exposure so. honestly idc. even if this seems rushed#yea they could've cleaned the script but. the substance. the depth they're giving the backstory...ok. go off. scream that shit#i mean ya the class inequality had been set in the beginning & in fairness is a theme they didn't forget no matter how tiring the plot had-#gotten#[i think it's a shame how the extension rlly brought down the quality. these past few months had been honestly unbearable & tiring so i-#understand the frustration & disappointment from the others & i can't blame them for setting their expectations high.#me tho. marupok. <3 willing to settle for less. <3 jk]#& i know it's predictable from inigo & juliet. but i was thinking they might go the unpredictable route & introduce the other k1ller/s-#as someone rich & powerful & was just petty enough to fuck over their lives. for vengeance yes but not rooted in injustice but just dirty-#politics#like the Barbara route#but. this is good at least#i wish they didn't give away much on those previews tbh the surprise is ruined :/#but whatever we're here now. *sigh* 2 days left......what else do u have in store another wasted-potential-show :')#widows' war#now i'm wondering like. did the writers & production team got fucked over bc i really refuse to believe this is what they would settle for-#if this show was managed correctly#like who decided for the extension exactly. was it offered & they accepted or were they pressured to agree & extend idk how gma is so awful#@ handling this shit bc it happens to a looot of their shows.#stop wasting. literally everything. to ur scummy corporate business-oriented operation fkn. whatever stop whatever u're doing right now#sooo tacky. omg#s-z-t-e d0c i understand she's. in a league of her own. (a shitty one). but i refuse to believe the other writers r this incompetent...#can we re-do the show :( ye all of it :( & just follow what the writers & production team wanted for it originally :( that'd be great ty#edit: episode 143 finally utilizing their flashbacks correctly everyone clap & scream /j#edit: jericho...idk. idk about this one.#like it makes sense. he's a palacios. he's embittered by what happened to him & his mother. but to reveal it this way....idk. off.
2 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
if I think abt the state of trans politics in the US for more than .2 seconds I start wanting to sob god I hate it here
#damien.txt#obligatory obv this is not the worst place etc etc but like. crazy that i feel WAYYY less safe than i did 3 yrs ago!#like bro what the fuck happened. we were like...... vaguely making progress. why the fuck are we here#it really makes me feel sooo nauseous like i have so much anxiety abt it#so much that my brain starts convincing me that Maybe Im Not Trans bc i get so anxious abt it#literally hitting the 'maybe it's not worth it' mindset even tho like. id-ing as a girl makes me want to throw up#idk. idk idk idk. it's so shitty#unfortunately im a person that really values comfort. and like. it can be really hard for me sometimes to like#decide that those types of risk to personal safety/comfort are worth it. idk.#but also literally ive known i was trans since i was like 12. so. haha. what the fuck would i even do#also! this really has me delaying like. doing certain things with like transition#like lowkey im soooo scared to get top surgery with the current climate#even tho i might have the money for it in abt a year š#and like. really truly i cant see myself regretting it. like even if i didnt commit to other transition stuff.#i think i would like top surgery. like forever.#but man!!! im just so scared of getting hate crimed. ugh.#i need to learn to not be. so scared of things like this. like i need to learn to live life like how i want to#but also MANNNN this shit is so scary i cant handle it#yeah. idk what the solution here is. this has literally been on my mind for like a year
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
I probably have a personality disorder but also the diagnostic criteria for cluster b personality disorders are fucking bullshit, so like, nah.
#does some of it describe me? absolutely. but i also fucking hate how it's written#like. a lot of that is written like the person is doing that on purpose and not like they have unaddressed issues#like. wow. i fucking wonder why psychopath and sociopath are used to mean 'manipulative monster'#almost like people are being villainized for not responding to trauma in the 'correct way'#also unless i am somehow made the host. i'm not going to influence the front enough for us to ever get diagnosed with that#besides that we technically have a 'mixed personality disorder' that we didn't get explained or even told. and we never gave that letter#to anyone. so it's not like that's on anything else. and it does also very much feel like 'you didn't act like we wanted you to so we gave#you a diagnosis for a non-specific personality disorder. as we also cannot decide which box to shove you into'#like. there very much was no actual diagnostic process or anything. also highly likely at least in part cluster b#mainly because we kind of stopped caring about actually continuing the rehab after the jobcenter decided not to pay for it anymore#also because most people who's rehab there was discontinued had a bpd diagnosis. they couldn't fucking handle anything beyond anxiety and#depression. but also only mild anxiety. like. that was such fucking bullshit#-lutz#anyways. ignore me
8 notes
Ā·
View notes
Note
Wait are you and Goose still together?
as of now no we are not; havenāt been for a bit
#we went on break in late May#broke up late June#I say we like I had a say in it but she decided it was best for her and you canāt say no to something like that#goose is in a bad spot mentally and I do not want to burden them if they do not want to be in a relationship with me anymore#I absolutely miss her very very much#but she comes first#if anyone goes after him for this I will murder btw. She did nothing wrong#of course I am extremely upset but thatās normal and I will get better eventually#asks#look at how nice and mature I handled that. Anyways please also be mature about this it was hard to say
5 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
i want to share a specific au of mine but im like. scared
me n my friendo have been ranting together abt for like 2(?) yrs n i was thinking of posting abt it n never did (i wasnt completely involved in the fandom at that time as i am today)
now that i am i wanna post it but im nervous
might tweak it a little not sure
(more of the rant in the tags, important ig)
#ninjago#i obviously dont mind if people wont like it/dont care abt it especially since its like.#a kid au#where nya and jay unexpectedly have a kid after s10#im rlly scared to post abt it but i have so many ideas in my head and my adhd ass cant handle ranting to myself#especially with how me n my bestie have been so busy lately we never talk#plus our different timezones#if any of u guys even just one person wants to hear abt it ill try my best#im also attempting to improve my writing skills. they suck#art and summaries will probably be more frequent until i ever decide to make a fic or smth#by now actually your free to ask questions since abt anything regarding the au since i dont want to do a summary just yet#ninjago jay#ninjago nya#jay walker#nya jiang#levi's ted talks#also if this post flops act like u never saw it
11 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Okay, but Sam's shitty photoshop doesn't mean Bonfire is coming out, guys
#Why on earth do people think this#Clearly there's a lot more going on#And Moz is being too difficult about everything for all that to be overcome#Big sighs#It's just getting to me cause everyone on twitter is celebrating like#But that lady from Capitol records probably had nothing to do with the release#We all saw how ornery he was about Victoria#And then on top of that he for some reason has decided self releasing albums is beneath him#I guess i get it#Moz has always had a huge hard on for certain record labels like#It's a prestige thing#I'm so famous that this label published me#He went on about that for a while in Autobiography#For the rare label attached to Quarry#Attack was it?#Where it was like oh these special bands have had albums released by them#So i must have a record released by them too#It's just like#We're well past any labels wanting to work with Moz#He's just a lot to handle we all know this#That's why we're all here thirsting over him this many years on but god#It is frustrating at times#There's just no way Bonfire is coming out or Without Music#I don't know if it's like#Until he dies or what but#As is that lady leaving isn't the answer#No matter what Moz or Sam says#moz
2 notes
Ā·
View notes
Text
Reminder to keep yourself alive to outlive those who have wronged you and never apologized for it
#tw death#tw drugs#tw addiction#tw abuse#tw violence#just found out one of the guys who bullied me basically the entire time we were in k-12 just died#it only said āat his residenceā which makes me inclined to think it was a drug OD#there was a day where my dad had to drive me to school because my truck needed repairs#and the bully flies up behind him and passes him#my dad speeds up to chase him and they reach about 95mph on a rural road#apparently dad wanted to ābump-draftā him#good on dad for sticking up for me but also holy shit my guy NO#same man saw my sister had been beaten up by her piece of shit now-ex-husband#dad went upstairs and came back down with a shotgun and phone (to call the cops) and told her āyou decide how we handle thisā
1 note
Ā·
View note