#and have to make it yourself
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dizziness, brain fog, needing to lay down frequently, and heart palpitations have been a part of my life since i was a teenager. i remember the freedom that i felt before these symptoms developed. how i went from being a bright, confident child (who gave excellent class speeches and had all the kids at my birthday parties) to feeling dizzy, sick, and increasingly inward. increasingly not caring about the things that once made me happy and what once felt normal. that damaged my self-esteem for a long time. i was diagnosed with POTS a few weeks ago and, ngl, i still cry when i think about how i never asked for any of this. that and celiac feel like a lot. like my body can't do shit for itself unless i'm treating it all day, every single day. i have methods now to feel better and they work surprisingly well. legs raised, lots of water, lots of salt (so that my body can retain the water), tolerable exercise that doesn't raise my bpm painfully high, and so on. these things do help onsets of brain fog significantly. but damn. it's still sad. i'm focusing on work and my future this summer. these are the things that anchor me no matter how badly i feel. that's all.
#thoughts#pots#i keep crying about it#but i've survived this long#and will keep moving forward with strength#and with far more confidence than i had when this started#this is largely why i write 'inspo' type posts#to encourage myself and in turn encourage others#bc i always wanted someone to encourage me#and i realized that you don't just get that#and have to make it yourself
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ok so i think that my favourite fantasy subgenre is The Inherent Tragedy Of Being Born Into Royalty. which mostly means that i like to read about gay princes but with some nuance
#ethically i am opposed to monarchies and empires. i think being born into a royal bloodline is inherently traumatising#which makes for the juiciest tastiest drama in stories obviously#either you become a bad ruler and people will suffer at your feet. or you become a good ruler and you no longer belong to yourself#how much will you sacrifice at the altar of your ideals?#It Compels Me. Narratively#also books like the goblin emperor have a big autism appeal in like. the court had a lot of nonsensical rules and you have to mask so much#apparently i am such a parody of myself that whenever im like. i have a drawing of my current blorbo#my friend immediately assumes it's a prince based on their vibes#IT'S NOT ALWAYS A PRINCE... SOMETIMES IT'S THE EMPEROR'S SECRETARY.... OR A DEMON WHO'S A KNIGHT.............. I CAN BE DIVERSE#anyway im currently reading the hands of the emperor AND a prince4prince web novel. that's the vibes rn
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I love you Safety Wizard.
(Inspired by @keroascrazy)
#safety wizard#wizard#Tumblr wants me to use the wizardposting tag so badly and I'm tempted. It's a good tag.#Shout out to stackedbirds for sending me the safety wizard post. Beloved mutual and beloved supplier of good wizard posts.#I will make it an open secret that I love me some good goofy wizards.#Safety Wizard has a special pizzazz that just gets the gears turning.#I like to imagine Safety Wizard began their studies as a traffic wizard. Then took some courses in roadside hazard magic.#This sparked an interest in safety magic and resulted in an eventual change of major - but the outfit stayed true to their roots.#All that said and done; The original costume is really good and I hope OP keeps up the good wizarding work.#Remember that distracted driving is extremely dangerous. Do not drive tired or in altered states of awareness.#It is always morally correct to call a friend of ride service if you have even the smallest doubt you will be a safe driver.#And *please* wear proper PPE on your job site. Do not put yourself or other's at risk!
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Katniss is such an unreliable narrator. She says "Then something unexpected happens. At least, I don't expect it because I don't think of District 12 as a place that cares about me" girl you deliver strawberries to the Mayor, you hunt and trade for the district, when you fell at Prim being chosen someone caught you, when you went to Prim people parted for you, when you volunteered EVERYONE stopped. Idk how to tell you but I think you're a pillar of the community.
#katniss everdeen#the hunger games trilogy#the hunger games#primrose everdeen#hunger games#batcavescolony reads the hunger games#suzanne collins#'now it seems i have become someone precious' NOW? GIRL BFFR you're their hunter girl#and this isn't negative just bffr girl#your WHOLE DISTRICT did the three finger salute that you yourself says means admiration thanks and goodbye to someone you love and on top is#old a rarely used. your WHOLE DISTRICT decided in that moment that they needed to bring back this sign of respect for YOU#...................................................................#idk why some people are thinking i mean this as negative i don't she is unreliable but its not intentional. like when Peeta heart stoped in#CF she doesn't know what Finnick is doing at first cus she doesn't know off the top of her head what cpr is. she also thinks Peeta after the#reaping is acting for the cameras. he isnt we dind out later his mom basically told him Katniss was gonna win and he would die. obviously#shes not doing it on purpose shes just for lack of better words uneducated? as in she doesn't know everything shes not omnipotent#so when Plutarch (? second games guy) shows her his mokingjay hiden watch shes like *wtf that's weird?* then the people traveling to#district 13 show her the mockingjay cookie and explains it and she then goes on the difference between his watch and their cookie#and why does eveyone act as if district 12 is as bad as the capital? they CANT help Katniss and Prim in the way you want. they cant give#them food. none of them have any! and im not putting iton Katniss but they hid they needed food so they could stay together. it sounds like#some of you are in this our world mentally of what people do after a loved one dies (brings food constantly checks on them etc) district 12#cant do that. they dont have food and they're all suffering. you cant give someone food when you have none to give. then theirs the fact#that peeta DID help. Peeta buring the bread and tossing some to her then taking a beating from his mom is a HUGE thing in the books.#he used his resources to help her like you all said someone should.#district 12 DID (rip) care about Katniss before the hunger games. why do you think she was allowed to hunt? or how her trades were good#these are the little ways 12 can shows Katniss they love her. but again Katniss doesn't see this and YES its because she had ptsd before the#hunger games as well. i swear some of you make it seem like d12 was all living a life of luxury and glaring down at Katniss.#other things that show Katniss is in hight standing with at least her people of d12 is her dad was known enough through d12 for peeta dad to#comment on his singing along with his commenting on her mom. also her mom is a healer in the community. yeah her parents arnt the top but#of d12 but they are/were definitely high staning in the Seam.
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comics as an art form make me insane. they’re so difficult to do well. there’s so many different ways to make sequential art work and most of them are deeply unintuitive. onomatopoeia that feels completely ridiculous to put down often reads seamlessly. panels on a page become a fractally nested image composition challenge that’s only possible to lose because if you do a good job no one will notice. you have to direct the readers’ eyes on a specific path across the page but also account for the fact that they won’t follow it. comic time isn’t linear. if the order of events isn’t crystal clear the story becomes incomprehensible. sometimes you need to do this on purpose. all this for a medium almost universally considered less effective than animation and less respectable than plain text. even its own name doesn’t take it seriously
#don’t mind me just chewing on drywall#some of the absolute best comics don’t look remotely impressive until you try to make one yourself#and some absolutely beautiful panel layouts and art combine to make a stunning visual that barely manages to get any meaning across#you have to emulate cinematography by cultural necessity at this point#but if you lean too hard in that direction your comics just become Worse Movies#there’s barely any standard practices for anything because people are just barely starting to look at comics seriously#mumbling
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the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.
when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."
but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.
now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.
the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.
but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."
the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.
but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?
because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!
and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.
#spilled ink#writeblr#warm up#this is an incredibly difficult idea to express#but i basically keep watching the same timelooped interaction:#someone makes tradwife content where she's like ''i think it's SO sad when ppl don't have kids EW''#and then the response is ''... go fuck yourself? i think ur life is miserable and bad ?"#and instead of being like ''oh we are all under capitalism huh''#the response is like ''you CANT say that. she made a CHOICE. she is ALLOWED to have KIDS and be HAPPY#unlike YOU who is UNHAPPY bc you don't have KIDS.''#like .... these are people who will throw the first stone. and then when you lob one back#they ask why you're so violent. they tell you that you're a bad activist.#and you're like. PARDON????? you implied being a woman meant i need to submit to my husband???#and they're like - well it's just my belief. so what if i'm invalidating your entire identity.
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"you should wake up early to watch the sun rise!" is actually the dumbest possible way to guilt trip people into getting up early. hello, the sunset? exists too? every day even. and is equally gorgeous. and fits into many people's free time. you're awake, work's over and holyshit--THATSA SUNSET BABY!!!
#the ONE argument i will accept is you can get up early enough to observe the sunrise AND then later the sunset. two on the same day!!!#that's a great way to maximize the number of sunrise/sunsets you get to experience in a lifetime. very respectable goal!#yet somehow i suspect the for many people it less about opportunities to observe natural beauty. and more about moral superiority.#YOU ARE NOT MORALLY SUPERIOR FOR WAKING UP EARLY TO WATCH THE SUNRISE#or even necessarily happier or healthier.#anyways the beauty of an experience is not tied on having to force yourself to make sacrifices just to experience it
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together, we do the same thing again //
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#satoru gojo#i still dont fully know what im doing w my render but i think im landing somewhere#pls let th transitional shift b over im tired of this grandpa#i know i am always like its natural fr styles to shift dont fight it just experiment and go with it see where it takes u#but god is it frustrating not being able to tell if u even like what youre making while youre making it#every piece being a full leap of faith bc u cant recognize what the 'ugly phase' is and therefore cant convince yourself tht it will pass#exhausting i tell u#anyway . gojo.#having a lot of fun w yellow-blue-grey lately so i figured id test them out on gojo more#i usually veer sharp in2 either neons or cool tones fr him but lately ive found the bruised pallid yellow look 2 b really striking#throw some periwinkle down fr contrast bam#i also realized its been a while since i drew gojo w his blindfold so theres that also#idk man i just work here#monthly gojo quota met and perhaps even exceeded#ALSO been looping clouded innocent fr ages and ages its so good so have more vocalyrics in caption smile
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He likes the drama
#sonic movie universe#sonic movie 3#doctor ivo robotnik#agent stone#when you're watching novelas mexicanas someone will invariably get slapped#and also the trope of an older relative trying to break the main couple is fairly common#congrats grandpa on playing a part in the soap opera that is ivo's life#this started with me wanting to have stone saying 'left yourself open'#but of course i had to go and make it silly#might be the most ooc thing I've drawn yet#but also maybe they're stupid enough#stobotnik
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IF YOU GO NOW TO SILVER'S PROFILE IT SHOWS "SILVER VANROUGE" I AM!!! NOT OKAY!!! WAUGH
OH MY GOD 😭
like...it wasn't even just "oh we'll call you Silver Vanrouge now", they just straight-up made the adoption official, under the statute of Malleus Says So. he's legally recognized as Lilia's kid! I'm so happy for them!
this may take some getting used to though
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 13 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 13 spoilers#the vanrougening continues#look a lot happened in the finale but i refuse to stop obsessing over this part#lilia being like HA HA WHAT no you don't want my dumb stupid name it's bad#i always thought you'd find yourself a way better name someday#and anyway your REAL parents --#(sebek crashes through a wall koolaid man-style) LILIA-SAMA JUST ADMIT HE'S YOUR SON#malleus says they're family no takesie-backsies#malleus: now this does mean we're going to have to make some adjustments to your taxes#lilia:#lilia: taxes...uh...right#lilia: i have definitely absolutely been paying those for the last 400 years#lilia: unrelated but have you already told the government that i got better from being dead...or....
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Bucky, in his apartment: *drinking his morning coffee while watching the news*
*News broadcast showing Joaquin going after two missiles and Sam surfing on another one while getting shot at*
Bucky, slowly putting down his cup and staring at the TV blankly: ... Oh my god, there's two of them.
#old man's about to have a stroke#his husband looks hot but dammit Sam do not get yourself blown up please he just learned to make gumbo#sambucky#bucky barnes#sam wilson#captain america#joaquin torres#captain america brave new world#cabnw#cabnw spoilers#gigiposts
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if I have to see one more AI image being purposefully reblogged on my dash because 'it's a meme' or 'it's funny' or 'well in THIS CASE it's okay!!!!' idc idcccccc what your reasons are I'm unfollowing you girl bye
#I don't wanna see it#no I don't think it's funny I think it's depressing#and nothing more than that#been seeing some stuff on the dash and I'm starting to wonder if ppl are going insane#just in case anyone was still not sure where I stand yk I don't think making AI shit is ok under any circumstances rn. literally none#idc what justifications you have to tell yourself I've heard plenty of them before and I still don't think they justify it#and I'm tireddddd I'm tired#so I'm just saying where I stand & that's all#sleep.txt#anti ai
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Thematically appropriate comic for Make a Terrible Comic Day!!
I saw the original post this morning and it made me get out of bed to make something, so thank u Pseudonym Jones mission accomplished
#makeaterriblecomicday2024#comic#comics#sketch#does this count as horror like comment subscribe down below#Ever since I stopped being on social media as often/stopped taking it deadly serious I've been able to fall back in love with the process..#...of art which is fantastic!! I do enjoy taking my time with things but it's still very easy to get caught up in making something Perfect#ESPECIALLY WITH COMICS#As a comic maker and comic enjoyer you have to remind yourself people speed through reading them. It's ok to take shortcuts#Every frame does not need to be a painting#Anyways this was a great way to make something after falling into an MMO hole for a few days...#unrelated did u guys know Wizard 101 is still alive with an active player base#Ok hopefully I can get back on track to finishing my next short horror comic in the next month or so wish me luck fellers
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No but fr having an indigenous family broken up for its own good by the state and one of them leave her homeland to go get a Real Education is not just counter to the original story's characterization, it's not just erasing the colonialism commentary for the sake of failed feminism presumably based on the girlboss objection to portraying women as caretakers and the classist objection to blue collar jobs, it is an act of colonialism.
It is in fact so ridiculously an act of colonialism that it should come off as such to anybody able to think about media critically for a few moments, but to anybody familiar with what the US did to many indigenous peoples via the faux benevolence of boarding schools, including to native hawaiians, it's fucking revolting.
Like, shoutout to removing Pleakley's gender exploration, to removing the cop villain in lieu of just having the mad scientist remain one, to removing some of Cobra Bubbles's nuance, to removing commentary on race and colonialism, etc etc, but mainly: this did a colonialism.
#lilo and stitch#in case anyone's got that tag filtered#man i do not like making any kind of personal allusions to things on tumblr#because sometimes i feel like tumblr demands personal information in order to validate opinions#in ways that are beyond just making sure affected peoples of oppression are heard on their topics#and i have no interest in being sorted into an easy box when that does not describe my whole experience#for the sake of being imbued with Speaker for the Monolith status#but like this fr made me sick#i am not native hawaiian but i am descended from another indigenous group subjected to the us's boarding schools#there are still living relatives who were affected by this#“but why did nani have to take care of her sister instead of going and getting a degree-- the certificate of true worth as a person”#go fuck yourself disney
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i hate you "influencers", i hate you tiktok, i hate you "content creators", i hate you "unalive" and "s€x" and "dr/ügs", i hate you instagram, i hate you consumerism, i hate you family friendly, i hate you puritans, i hate you facebook, i hate you family vloggers, i hate you violating other people's privacy, i hate you modern day social media
#sjonnie.text#i just saw someone make a 50 SECONDS reel about combining movie genres and movies and it was scream and romance and it was 50 SECONDS and#they said “i'm sorry i unalived all those people” go actually fuck yourself.#IF YOU CAN'T SAY THE WORD MURDER KILL DRUGS SEX ETC YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT THOSE TOPICS#AND SHOULD NOT PRODUCE CONTENT OF IT#i hate this “family friendly” aesthetic jesus fucking christ#text post#anti instagram#anti tiktok#anti influencers#anti capitalism#20k
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i really love how intensely Mirabelle reacts to act 5 Siffrin botched friendquest.
Isabeau is mostly operating out of concern and, eventually, hurt. he already knows something’s up before Siffrin gets to him. he knows something truly awful must be wrong for Siffrin to be lashing out like they are, and as soon as he can’t handle the situation anymore, he leaves and asks (with strained cheer) for time apart to cool off.
most of Bonnie’s anger comes from being upset and afraid that Siffrin would willingly put themself in danger for no reason, when that’s exactly why they’ve been so unsettled since the eye incident. they hate that Siffrin values their own life so little, they hate that they’re the cause of any pain or loss for him, and here he is, putting himself in that situation AGAIN. on purpose. it’s loud and explosive, but it’s familiar, too, being “hated” by Bonnie for this reason.
Odile pushes, and keeps pushing, until her concern overwhelms Siffrin and they strike where they know she’s most vulnerable. she gets physical, just for a moment, grabbing his collar before controlling herself and letting go. her fury shuts down into cold detachment, and she walks away.
but Mirabelle—dear, sweet, gentle, loving Mirabelle, “the most wonderful being on earth,” with her secret “ruthless side” that largely involves lightly badmouthing people behind their backs and then apologizing—slaps them. immediately.
and then COMPLETELY RENOUNCES THEIR FRIENDSHIP.
not just “we’re not friends anymore,” but “we were never friends in the first place.”
that’s!!! pretty extreme!!!!
of course, she ALSO starts by asking what’s wrong. something must have happened for him to act like this. but as soon as Siffrin brushes her off, she jumps past that line of questioning and dives headfirst into re-evaluating everything she thought she knew about them as a a person.
if he could say something like that to her and not see anything wrong with it, then she was wrong to treat him as a friend, wrong to read camaraderie into his teasing, wrong to think they must care about them all under their aloof demeanor.
that’s how Mirabelle phrases it—“I was wrong about you”—but i think that there’s a hidden layer of I was right about you, too.
she talks about the way they tease her like she had to convince herself that he was doing it in a friendly way. she says they talk like they “know better than her” like that’s a thought she’s had for a LONG time.
“Always soooo mysterious, Siffrin, always talking as if you're better than me! As if you know me!!! But you don't, Siffrin!!! You're just as lost and useless as I am!!! So stop!!! Talking!!! As if you know me!!!!!!”
none of this comes across as a new, sudden way to view Siffrin for her. it doesn’t shock or confuse her. it makes her angry, defensive, almost like she was waiting for something like this to happen at some point. the feeling of resentment, frustration, jealousy, being patronized and condescended to—this is something she’s been actively pushing down and rejecting this entire time, but they’ve given her ample reason for it all to boil to the surface. violently.
Mirabelle’s kindness is not inherent or easy. it’s a choice she’s making. she treats Siffrin warmly because she gives him the benefit of the doubt—refusing to act based on anxiety-fueled, cynical speculation, and reassuring herself that his actions are driven by care and friendship even if she can’t quite see it.
“I was wrong about you” doesn’t mean she always and without question believed them to be a fundamentally kind, caring person from the beginning—it’s that her first, colder instincts were right, and she was wrong to convince herself otherwise.
never mind that she asked what was wrong at first. she barely gives them time to speak in their own defense, to explain what they really meant by what they said. all of her suppressed doubts and frustrations are getting aired out now, now that all the trust she’d so deliberately placed in him has been betrayed. her pain feels bigger than this singular moment, so when she hurts him back, she makes sure it extends back through the entirety of their relationship for him, too.
“You're awful. You're not my friend, not my ally, not anything. You never were.”
like the others, she goes back to the clocktower and tells Siffrin not to come back until later. but there’s a finality to the way she ends this confrontation that isn’t quite there with the others. Isabeau and Odile reach their breaking point and remove themselves from the situation, asking for space to cool off but still somewhat leaving the door open for Siffrin to tell them what’s really going on at some point. Mirabelle is the only one who tries to fully cut ties—after everything else she says, her “I don’t want to see you until tonight” reads to me somewhat as “I don’t want to see you anymore unless I have to.”
I can’t wait to never see you again.
even back at the clocktower, Mirabelle doesn’t really defend Siffrin’s place in the party when Odile suggests leaving them behind out of concern for their trustworthiness on the most important day of the journey. Isabeau and Bonnie protest out of sentimentality and faith in Siffrin’s abilities and connection to them, and Mirabelle agrees, but…
“I agree, but... B-But would he even agree to come with us, still? Maybe they won't even come back tonight...”
she doesn’t say much outside of that. maybe the stutter and hesitation here are signs of regret about how things happened, but she lacks Isabeau and Bonnie’s confidence that Siffrin even wants to come back to them in the first place. she doesn’t trust that their bond was real anymore. maybe it never was in the first place, or maybe she broke whatever was there herself.
and she’s still mad when they finally catch up to Siffrin at the King! and she makes sure Siffrin knows that—after saving them, assuring him that he no longer needs to fight, that they’re all there for him. she still cares, of course she still cares—she’s still hurt, too, but they can figure that part out once there’s less world-ending stuff going on.
she’s the first to say that they all reserve the right to still be angry at Siffrin later—and that they’ve already forgiven him.
she’s also the first to say we want to stay with you, too. it’s not just you.

she was wrong! she thought they didn’t care but they care so much, it’s overwhelming, it’s world-ending.
i think she’s gonna be wallowing in guilt post-canon the moment she remembers what she said and did TO SIFFRIN and not just what Siffrin said to her. especially now that she knows Siffrin’s exact hangups, and especially especially if she figures out what Siffrin was trying to say.
they put themself through hell out of loneliness and fear that none of the others cared about him the way he cared about them, he was going insane from repetition and exhaustion and hunger and trying to keep them all safe and together, and all they did in the midst of all that was say something kind of mean to her one time (that turned out to not even be MEANT to be mean it was supposed to be HELPFUL they just SAID IT ALL WRONG) and she SLAPPED THEM? and told him that they WEREN’T FRIENDS AT ALL??? how could she!!! she should have known better!! what they said hurt a lot but still!!!
so when they eventually manage to try to talk about it, they end up almost in, like, a guilt competition.
Mirabelle apologizing for how she reacted, that she shouldn’t have yelled or hit him, that she doesn’t want to be the kind of person who acts that way out of anger and she’s sorry that she made Siffrin expect that reaction from her, she should have known better and believed in him more and they only messed up like that because they were losing their mind in a time loop but what’s HER excuse—
and Siffrin going nononono stop I deserved it—(HUH DON’T SAY THAT NO YOU DIDN’T)—and that he should never have said such awful things to her, ever, and she was under so much pressure already with the weight of the country and everyone’s lives and futures and her religion and their whole party counting on her to do this impossible task because she’s the only one who can, all this unbearable expectation and hope crushing her, and they KNEW that but they thought they could skip to the ending as though her feelings didn’t matter at all, like helping her wasn’t as important as saving a little time—
until they’re just. in tears together, apologizing for all the horrible things they did in between complimenting each other’s strength and kindness and resilience and how much they admire each other and saying that no, everything you did was completely understandable, actually, the only one who sucks here is me. which neither of them will accept coming from the other!!
they’re so similar, in ways they couldn’t really understand, before.
warm, affectionate, perfect Mirabelle, the resolute hero, a beacon of compassion and hope for all those around her, who wears her heart on her sleeve, her fear making her courage shine all the brighter—nothing like the insignificant, forgettable Siffrin, too terrified to be known, too fragile to touch, too selfish and disgusting to bear letting go.
cool, mysterious, unflappable Siffrin, the worldly traveler, as charming and silly as they are confident and skilled, who brushed off losing an eye like it was nothing, accepting the risks of this journey with barely more than a shrug—nothing like the anxious, stagnant, undeserving Mirabelle, a fraud and a nobody crumbling under the weight of a mission too important to be entrusted to someone like her, doubting herself, doubting her friends, doubting her mentor, doubting her faith, too weak and brittle to bend and change the way the world needs her to without breaking.
not worth bothering others with their problems. they should be able to handle this alone. stay positive, stay calm. breathe in, and out.
they’ll struggle with it, still—the hiding, the minimizing—but now, they understand each other a little better. they can hold each other accountable for what they leave unsaid.
it’ll get easier, eventually. they have plenty of time.

#i!!! don’t know how to end posts!#this was supposed to be about One Quick Thought and then i just. kept going.#it’s REALLY LONG. SORRY?#some of this is a rehash of what i said in the mirabelle edition loop hangout post#i didn’t want to repeat EVERYTHING though so. no prologue discussion this time#isat#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time spoilers#isat mirabelle#isat siffrin#mypost#isat meta#mirasif qpr#it makes me wonder what other negative impressions she’s harboring about the others#surely siffrin isn’t the only one that she has twisted up somewhat in her head in ways that she has to talk herself out of#it’s a very anxiety-based behavior. making up worst-case stories in your head about yourself and other people#and having to remind yourself that those worst cases aren’t necessarily reality#the most obvious (to me) in the party would be comparing herself to Isabeau and feeling Some Type of Way about finding herself lacking#even if no one else sees it like that.#he’s strong he’s brave he’s reliable he’s heroic—he’s COMFORTABLE WITH CHANGE……#meanwhile she’s just!!! same old mirabelle!!!!!#incapable of changing in so many ways that seem so easy for everyone else! what’s wrong with her that she can’t!!!!#if it’s not clear absolutely none of this is like. critical or disparaging of mirabelle. i fucking adore her.#and her handling this the absolute Worst out of all of them (Bonnie included!) is part of that#LET HER BE MESSYYYYYY#btw for those familiar i’m picturing the guilt competition very much in Steven Vs Amethyst (steven universe) style
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