#and he was unable to understand for the longest time why things had to be this way

[tanukitsuneko-suki]

ace is loved by the goddesses so much that one wished him to life and the other wished to steal him from death

[areyouwell]

Hi!!! I really love your work- photophobia is my favorite piece of fanfiction ever!!

I don't know if your requests are still open but if they are and you feel inspired I'd like to request a one-shot where Logan and reader are caught having sex by a member of the x-men (you can decide who!!) I'd love to see your take on it <3

Like Animals

Pairing: Logan Howlett x Mutant!F!Reader

Warnings: MDNI

Word count: 3.4k

A/N: im sorry this took so long ;-; work's been driving me crazy and i've been creatively constipated BUT i really liked this request and ngl i was laughing to myself when writing it hehehe. also not sure if this counts as a oneshot or a drabble since it's kinda short but i hope this is what you had in mind!

Taglist: @fries11 (i had a taglist for Phobophobia but this is a more general one if anyone wants to be on it lmk <3)

How many steps could one person do in a single day? It was a question you idly entertained whilst pacing across the floor of the kitchen, having been asked to politely remove yourself from movie night by a mildly irritated Kitty when you were unable to sit still. You’d spent most of your day like this. Anxiously, mindlessly marching from place to place, your body humming with anticipation since yesterday evening. 

It was the longest you and Logan had been apart since the start of your relationship a year and a half ago, and fuck you missed him. It had been roughly three weeks since he’d left, Charles trusting him with gathering intel on some new fucked up mutant slave trade just south of the school. He’d called you, of course he had, and you knew it was purely just to hear your voice, but his calls were few and far between. He was busy, incredibly busy. And whilst you tried to keep yourself busy too, it was hard not to think about him constantly. Not to wonder how he was doing, whether he was okay. If he missed you just as much as you missed him.

But you were pacing because he was supposed to be coming home today. Supposed to, if everything had gone well. Scott was almost as excited as you were, but only because he was happy to finally have his bike back. He was almost inconsolable when he went into the garage to see his prized possession had once again been stolen, and you tried everything you could to hide your amused grin. It was so typical of him, for his last act before he was gone for three weeks to be something that would piss off Scott. 

Fuck you loved him. 

You checked the clock on the wall for the thirtieth time that minute, the hands mocking you with the rhythmic clicking. Quarter past nine. He was supposed to be back an hour ago. Hence the anxious pacing. You resisted the urge to call him, hoping that maybe the traffic was just bad, or he got held up for some reason. He was okay. Of course he was okay. This was Logan you were thinking about. He was always okay. He had to be okay. 

Your teeth gnawed on your bottom lip cursing lowly as you didn’t focus on where you were going and smacked your hip into the corner of the table. If only he knew the things he id to you when he was away. 

With a brief pause, you debated whether or not to go back to movie night. Whilst you had no idea what was happening onscreen, being unable to focus, you think you could understand the fairly basic premise of Night at the Museum. Some guy spends a night at a museum. How complex could that actually be? But remembering Kitty’s flat stare of knowing, you thought better of it. She’d been helpful in distracting you for the last three weeks, but clearly, you’d worn down her patience. Not that you could blame the girl. She called you out for being too codependent on him, and whilst at the time you refuted the claim, you couldn’t help thinking she may have had a point. Maybe.

You weren’t codependent. You just loved him. A lot. Enough to constantly be by his side every minute of every day. And it wasn’t like he was any different. 

Another minute ticked by and you clenched your jaw. Had he gotten lost or something? Why was he making you wait longer than you needed to? Of course it wasn’t deliberate, even if he wanted to, you don’t think he had the strength to do that, deprive you both of the other’s presence, but he really picked a time to be an hour late. 

You crossed to the window, pulling back the curtain for the umpteenth time and waiting for longer than you should for the peek of headlights around the drive. But there was nothing. Just the moonlit grass and silhouette of trees. You huffed, throwing the curtain back into place. Footsteps echoed through the hallway towards the kitchen, and you dragged a hand down your face. 

“I’m fine, Scott. Just… getting kinda worried now. He should have been back an hour ago.” You couldn’t help pulling back the curtain again, as if anything would have changed in the last twenty seconds. 

“Scott? Seriously?”

Oh. That was not Scott. 

You whipped around, heart soaring as you knew that voice instantly. You could be deaf and still know the sound of his voice. Your lips split into a broad grin as you saw Logan standing in the doorway, arms folded across his chest, brow raised with a wry smile pulling at his lips. 

“Logan!” You beamed, racing across the room to all but tackle him. He dropped his leather bag to the floor, wrapping his arms around around your middle, spinning with the momentum of your jump. Your legs anchored around his waist, ankles locking at the small of his back as you let yourself bask in his presence, inhaling the familiar scent of cigars and wood smoke. 

“Hi darlin’. Sorry ‘m late.” He breathed, tightening his hold on you more for comfort than anything else. The tightness in his chest finally eased with the feeling of having you back in his arms. Logan always thought of himself as a lone wolf. An outsider. Someone who didn’t need anybody else. That was until he met you and fell absolutely head over heels. Now he could barely stand to be on his own for longer than five minutes before he’d find himself sorely missing your presence. So the last three weeks had been as torturous for him as they had been for you. 

Removing your face from the crook of his neck, you schooled your expression into a scowl. “Where the fuck have you been? An hour, Logan. I haven’t seen you in three weeks and you make me wait another hour?!”

He rolled his eyes at your dramatics, smirking as your furrowed brows deepened. “Roads were closed. Fuckin’ tree blocked the way so I had to turn back n’ find another way round.” He explained, and you reluctantly accepted it. “Not that you missed me or anythin’.”

“Me? Miss you?” you quirked a brow, your scowl dissolving into a mischievous smirk. “In your dreams, Howlett.”

Before he had a chance to quip back, you wrapped your arms around his neck, clinging tight as your lips crashed into his, dragging a quiet groan from his throat as he tasted longing passion on your tongue. His hands slid from your back to your thighs and oh how you missed the way he would grip them, leaving little purple bruises where he dug his fingers into your soft flesh. 

Your brows pinched as he shifted to pin you against the wall, palms kneading your ass whilst he ground his rapidly hardening cock against your clothed heat. You whimpered lightly as his touches became desperate, your teeth tugging at his bottom lip, eliciting a sharp gasp from the depths of his chest. Shifting from his neck, your nails dug into the hard muscles of his shoulders, leaving little crescent dents across the sinewy skin before you the brown flannel from his arms. It was barely clinging on anyway, so why not assist the fall?

“Where’s everyone?” He ground, lips fanning against your lower jaw as he moved to pepper tingling kisses and aching bruises along the column of your neck, his teeth scraping the sensitive skin above your pulse point. You angled your head to the side, allowing him easier access, the scuff of his beard scratching deliciously against the hollow of your throat.

“Movie night– Logan…!” you gasped his name as quietly as you could when his hands left the plush of your ass, using your grip around his waist and the wall to hold you aloft whilst he pawed and kneaded at your breasts through your t-shirt, braless nipples hardening almost instantly. He pinched the pebble through the fabric, tugging slightly and silencing your whine with a burning kiss, hungrily devouring your mouth before you alerted anyone in the living room to the new show playing in the kitchen. 

He growled a gravelly “Good” against your lips, removing your arms from his shoulders to raise above your head, pulling your shirt up and off in a hurried frenzy, almost snarling to himself as you bared yourself for him. You shivered slightly, though not from the cold, quite the opposite. The heat radiating off him kept you warm as you scrabbled to return the favour, your nails scratching at his naval before pulling up the white singlet and discarding it to the ground alongside your own shirt. Your hands fell to his belt, his mouth delivering little bites to your collarbone. Fuck, you needed him now. You needed him yesterday. Hell, you needed him the day he left, because fucking yourself with your fingers wearing his flannel was nothing in comparison to the ecstasy of fucking yourself on his cock. 

“Need you,” you breathed, popping open the button atop his jeans and pulling down the zipper over the incredibly obvious and likely extremely uncomfortable tent in his pants. Logan groaned slightly against your neck in relief, the tip of his cock pulsing and leaking with need. He hadn’t been this desperate for you since–

What the fuck was he saying? He was always desperate for you. In any way, shape or form. For whatever you were willing to give him. Though, luckily enough, you were usually willing to give him everything. 

“Fuck princess, ‘can smell you. Smell so fuckin’ good.” he growled directly into your ear, hot breath sending shivers down your spine. You really didn’t care that you were in the kitchen, nor did you care when he carefully tore through the crotch of your sweatpants with a single claw. Your arousal clouded his senses, the sweet scent of need making his hips buck into you. Especially when he dipped his hand through the tear to find you were naked beneath. “No underwear? You did miss me.” He grinned the same smile as a predator, and you clamped your lips together to stop your own disobedient smile. 

“‘Was in my pyjamas… at least, they were my pyjamas.” You hissed, brows pinching as a curious, delicate finger softly grazed through your slick folds, gathering your dewy arousal on the tip of his fingers before bringing them up to his mouth. A carnal groan rumbled from his chest as he tasted you, his eyes rolling before they closed. Your mouth fell open, chest rising and falling in rapid pants as one of your hands shoved the elastic of his briefs down below his hips, just far enough for his desperate cock to spring from his confines. 

“Impatient?” He smirked darkly as you attempted to grind against him, having to clench your jaw to stop yourself from whining. You shot him an equally wicked look, earning yourself a brow raise before his jaw slackened, your hand circling his length in a tight palm, jerking him from base to tip and using your thumb to slather the head of his cock in his own yearning. He bucked into your hand, a gasp flying from his lips before you slid him through the tear in your sweatpants. But before you could coerce him to drive home, he pulled you from the wall. 

With a small squeak of surprise, your nails clung to his back, tearing angry marks up his spine as he set you back down on the table, leaning over you until you were lying against the solid wood. 

“Say you missed me,” he growled with a smile, clearly deriving pleasure from the way you huffed in frustration. You only responded by raising your hips into his, grinding your now-soaked crotch against his throbbing cock. “C’mon baby, just say it, ‘n I’ll give you everything you want.” he bargained, though finding it incredibly difficult to deny you. He grunted a soft curse when you locked your legs tighter around his waist, forcing his sensitive tip to graze through your aching heat. Fuck he wanted you. But at the same time, he really wanted to hear you say it. “C’mooon, say you missed me. Can’t really deny it.”

“Fuck, yes I missed you. Of course I missed you. Now fuck me already!” You spat through gritted teeth, but he still didn’t claim you the way you wanted him to. 

“How much?”

“Logan?!”

“How much? How much did you miss me?” He grinned and you groaned in frustration. Trust him to find the worst times to wind you up. With a deep breath, you leaned up, holding both sides of his neck as you took the shell of his ear between your teeth. 

“I fucked myself wearing your clothes, whining your name, imagining my fingers were your fingers. Imagining that stupid silicon cock was your cock. That’s how much I missed you.” You whispered, earning yourself a needy groan from the man above you. 

His hips moved as if they had a mind of their own, his hand guiding himself through the ruins of your sweatpants to sink into your leaking cunt, and you both gasped airily at the sensation. Incrementally, Logan pushed inside you, savouring the pulse of your silken walls, the pitch of your trapped whines behind a wall of teeth and lips. Oh how he wanted to hear you, but somewhere in the back of his pleasure-addles mind, he was glad you were keeping quiet. At least one of you was still aware of the time and place. 

Slowly he bottomed out, pressing the coarse hairs of his pelvis against your clit. Taking your hand in his, he trapped it by the side of your head, knuckled turning white as he fought to resist the urge to cum there and then. You felt so fucking good. How did you always feel so fucking good?

“F-fuck, Logan… move.” You hissed, your hips undulating in desperate pumps as you attempted to get him to do something other than just fill you. It felt incredible, but you needed more. What you didn’t realise was that he was hypersensitive. He’d been without you for the last three weeks, with nothing but your voice on the other side of his phone and his own fist to satisfy his craving for you. And it did nothing but make it worse. Did nothing but make him harder for you. 

“Easy, princess. Not– fuck… not goin’ anywhere.” He swore as you deliberately clenched around him, slowly pulling back until only his tip was submerged in your heat, before pushing back in, having to sink his teeth into the meat of your shoulder to muffle his loud groan of ecstasy. You clawed at his closed fist, sharp nails digging into the three spaces where his claws would slide out—an unknown erogenous zone.

Until now.

His cock jumped inside you, shivers of pure electric honey quivering down his spine as he slammed his hips into yours, momentarily losing control of himself. “Shit… shit! Fuck that was– what did you–” 

You did it again, watching his features fall completely slack, mouth agape as he bucked into you uncontrollably, as if searching for a deeper place to reach. Your chest inflated with a sharp gasp as the leaking, throbbing tip of his cock brushed that little bundle of pleasure nestled inside your walls, the tight leash you were holding on your voice loosening slightly as he thrust into you sharply, having found just the right angle. 

“Yes… fuck, yeah, there, right– shit, right there!” Your eyes fluttered closed, your body set alight as he set a determined pace, the table shifting slightly with each delicious thrust, your ecstasy climbing higher and higher and you let yourself be completely consumed by pleasure. 

“Yeah?” he growled, gasping into the side of your neck as your other hand scratched up his back as if you were trying to get past his regeneration and leave lingering marks. He loved it when you got rough, it drove him fucking crazy when you tried to leave your marks on him. There were times he hated his mutation for that because nothing would push him higher than knowing he could look in the mirror and see your desperation sucked into his neck or torn into his back. 

“Fuck! Logan, I–”

“Are you fucking serious?!”

At the first sound of a foreign voice outside of your bubble of rapture, your mutation flared, blinking both you and Logan out of sight. Though, if you could teleport, that would have been a whole lot more beneficial. Because now poor Scott had to bear witness to your spontaneous kitchen table tryst. 

Had to bear witness to Logan’s bare ass. You almost wished you had his perspective…

“Maybe he didn’t see us…” you whispered as quietly as you could, and though you couldn’t see Logan smile, you knew he was grinning from ear to ear. 

“I wouldn’t hold out hope.”

“I can fucking hear you. On the table? Seriously? Everyone eats there. I eat there!” He lamented, and you craned your neck to see he’d covered his already covered eyes with his hands, his face a nice shade of bright pink. 

“Like you and Jean are any more discrete in the danger room, Summers.” Logan barked, and you snorted a laugh which quickly turned into a gasp when he shifted slightly. You couldn’t even hide the way your cunt pulsed the moment you heard him walk in, and you knew Logan would have given you a look of intrigue. 

“That’s not– You’re still going?!”

“You kinda walked in at a bad time.” You could hear just how hard Logan was trying to keep his shit together whilst still being under the influence of your arousal, like a siren to a sailor. 

“Exactly. It’s rude to walk in on a lady without knocking, I could have been naked!” You bit your lip to stop yourself from moaning aloud as Logan shifted again, deliberately this time. Oh, how you wished you could see his face right now. 

“In the kitchen?!” 

You snorted a laugh, earning a low groan from Logan as your walls convulsed around his cock, your thighs tightening around his waist. You could almost hear his teeth grind together as he continued his battle to stop from pounding into you there and then. 

“You might wanna go, Scott. Logan’s getting impatient.”

“You can’t even see him, how’d you kn– OH FUCK’S SAKE!”  He huffed, turning on his heel and storming from the room, no doubt to tell Kitty and Ororo he’d just caught the two of you fucking like animals on the kitchen table. 

When you were certain he was gone, you released your grip on your mutation and the visage of Logan’s sweat-slicked face greeted you, a crooked grin pulling at his lips. 

“You liked that, didn’t you?” He asked lowly, nipping at your jaw. “Could feel you gushin’ around me, princess. You liked it when he walked in. You liked it when we got caught.” Feeling boneless, Logan pulled you up with him as he stood, sliding his still-hard cock from your twitching cunt. 

“Shut up…” You mumbled, attempting to latch your lips to his. But he pulled back from you, that same shit-eating grin still shining. With a huff, you hopped off the table, stooping to snatch your t-shirt from the ground. 

“My little exhibitionist. Who knew?” Logan wrapped his arms around your naked waist and you leaned back into his chest, your teeth sinking into your lower lip as you felt his cock press against your ass. “‘M not against extending invitations. Just to watch. Nobody gets to touch you but me.” He growled, a possessive edge cutting into his tone, one that made you slightly weak at the knees, as if you weren’t already struggling to stand. A fresh wave of arousal curled in your lower gut, and you turned in his arms, eyes like heated coals.

“Bedroom. Now.”

“Just the two of us?”

“Now, Logan!”

With a dark chuckle, he bent to pick you up, hands braced against the backs of your thighs much like he had when he first walked in. 

“Yes ma’am.” He murmured, before finally letting you capture his mouth with your own, teeth clashing and tongues dancing as he blindly carried you up to bed to finish what you both started. 

[drarryspecificrecs]

2025.04 ~ Top 7 longest fics posted on AO3

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[babybeeelle]

Hi sorry English doesn't have my mother tongue I don't know if it will be understandable BUT here's the idea: instead of Rio it's Reader who invoked. Agatha and Reader his ex but still love each other. Reader becomes close to another witch and Agatha becomes jealous, reader plays with her until Agatha kisses her and tells her that she is hers

mrsines asked:

Summary : Reader and Agatha have known each other since the very beginning. But through time, the relationship was severed. Reader is summoned to the road (instead of Rio). Agatha, still deeply in love with the reader, becomes extremely jealous when Alice starts to get close to the reader. Agatha being Agatha, an argument breaks out.

Pairing - Fem!Reader x Agatha Harkness

Warning - Angst, Agatha done been stupid, and an author who is inexperienced in kiss writing descriptions🫣

Word Count : 3.2k

My own twist of two similar requests!

a/n : This is the longest story I've ever written, and its my own twist of two similar requests!

An Immortal Love

Being summoned is a strange sensation. It begins with a sudden, unsettling shift in one’s own energy. It feels like the soul is forcibly dragged from the physical realm, and there is no longer control of one’s own body. Its not painful, but the distortion of reality is deeply disorienting- an out-of-body experience to say the least. Then, just for a moment, the ritual brings weightlessness, like the peak of a rollercoaster before the drop, until the inevitable pull of a supernatural force yanks the summoned being into another plane.

In Y/n’s unfortunate case, she’s pulled through soil and rock, suffocating in the dark embrace of the earth itself. Struggling to break free from the ground’s grasp, she emerges with a groan. Pulling herself upright, instinctively taking in her surroundings. There is no telling who's done the ceremony and why. Being summoned is usually never a good thing. Staying cautious is vital.

The first thing Y/n sees are five horrified faces, and standing protectively in the middle is the woman she swore to never see again.

Agatha Harkness.

“Great, just great,” Y/n mutters under her breath, unable to believe her luck.

“Y/n, you look as stunning as the day I met you. Truly, you age like fine wine,” is the first thing Agatha chooses to say, her cautious expression melting into a sly smile as she stepped forward.

Without sparing her a second glance, Y/n turns on her heel and walks away. “Where the hell am I, and how do I get out? I’m not doing whatever it is you summoned me for,” she states firmly, leaving no room for debate.

"You're on the Witch's Road." Y/n halts in her steps. "There is no leaving," the defiant voice of a young boy calls out.

Y/n chuckles, now annoyed. "The road is imaginary my naive child," she reprimands, turning to make eye contact with him. He's a tall boy, youthful. He exuberates a confident and rebellious aura with his dark curly hair and eye-lined makeup. He's young, and most certainly foolish.

"Then how do you explain where we are? Hm? You cannot deny what is before you, my love," Y/n's former lover explains with a witty smile on her face, stepping closer to her.

"You don't get to call me that," she seethes through her teeth, while rage-filled eyes burn into Agatha's soul, having no effect on Agatha.

"Come on my love, it's been centuries. Why can't bygones be bygones?" Agatha drags out with a sheepish laugh, now closing the distance. She's trying to coax Y/n into shrugging centuries off, to bandage up the gaping wounds in her heart, leaving it to beat in agony. It's like Agatha believes time heals all. They both know it doesn't. She shattered her heart.

Y/n scoffs. She almost can't believe her audacity, but then she remember, it's Agatha. Of course she would expect the woman she'd left broken to erase the raised scars of their history for her benefit.

Shaking her head, Y/n chooses it's best to not let her have any of her energy. Turning her attention to the group, who had been staring at them with a mix of curiosity and caution, she chooses to introduce herself. “Hi, I’m Y/n. Can someone explain why I’ve been dragged onto the road?” she mockingly questions, rolling her eyes.

The woman with a fiery punk appearance speaks out in response, "We needed a green witch." Her presence stands out from the others. She's bold, charismatic, yet reserved. Her strong features and clothing stand out almost like an armor of protection. Her wild and messy, black hair has streaks of vibrant orange that match the edgy outfit she adorns.

Y/n glances briefly at Agatha and lets out a humorless chuckle. “Okay, if that's what you want to call me,” she replies, indifferent, before walking down the road, further leaving the group puzzled.

...

After time passes, everyone makes the collective decision to set up camp and rest for the night. The bright and warm fire casts a soft hue that illuminates everyone as they surround the flames. Wanting to be as far away from Agatha as possible, Y/n deliberately chooses to sit across from her, the flames acting as a partial barrier between them.

In her spot, Y/n notices the particularly intriguing witch sitting next to her, the one who was first to address her. She glances over at Y/n and introduces herself. "My name is Alice. In case you were wondering," she adds to her introduction, hurriedly, still unsure about Y/n's intentions and role in the group. Y/n hums in response, moving her gaze to focus on Alice, encouraging her to continue.

She takes the sign and begins to open up a little. "I never wanted to believe any of this, you know?" she starts, her eyes staring into the fire. "The generational curses. The Witch's Road. I thought it was all just stories my mom made up before she died. I thought she was just...unwell."

Y/n sighs, exhaustion lacing her voice. "I don't know what this is, but the road isn't real."

Alice frowned, disbelief evident in her expression. “How can you say that when we’re here? You weren’t here for the trials, maybe that’s why you think that, but this road is very real. Teen almost died. Mrs. Davis did die.”

Y/n ignores her question, her gaze distant, and doesn't say anything. Alice sighs, giving up on the short-lived conversation. Until, out of nowhere, she start to explain her past, not looking at her. "A long, long, time ago, when Agatha and I were just girls, we were a part of the same coven. We weren't the same as the others. We possessed powers they couldn't fathom. Naturally, they wanted us dead. They tried to kill us because they were scared of the things they couldn't comprehend, the things they knew they'd stand no chance against if we were to betray them. Agatha and I escaped of course, but we were alone. We only had each other. And yet, she left me," she ended, never really ever had processed her grief. She wiped away a stray tear that threatened to roll down her face.

Alice could tell there was a lot more to the story, but she doesn't push. Instead, she tries to sympathize, "Wow, that's-"

Y/n cut her off before she can say anything else, "I don't believe this is the road because I don't trust Agatha."

Alice bites her lip, trying to think of what to say. She doesn't want to say the wrong thing. "I can't imagine how scared you must've been. No one should have to go through that," she says cautiously, leaning closer to Y/n. She reaches her hand out slowly and lays her hand over Y/n's hand, causing her to look at Alice. Her eyes and smile hold sympathy. "You don't have to be alone anymore." Her comfort was warmer than the fire than cracked before the both of them, sending smoke and sparks of the fire through the air. Much like the anger burning in Agatha's mind.

"When you've been alone for so long, it's-"

"Hard to rely on other people?" Its her turn to cut Y/n off. "I know," giving her a half-smile.

She smiles the same back to Alice. The warmth in her words comforting and real. In that small moment, the chains around Y/n's heart loosed for the first time in centuries. It seems like its been forever since she'd been treated so softly, and with genuine care.

Inside, Agatha was seething. You could almost see the smoke steaming out of her ears like a cartoon character. It was the first time she has seen her only love face to face in ages, and here she was, being wooed by someone else. She would never tell Y/n, but she has always make sure she was safe. She was always there to protect her in the shadows. She wished nothing more than to march over and push Alice away from Y/n, letting her know she is hers and always would be. Agatha was beginning to think that's what she had to do. She can't lose her again, not to someone else. Agatha knew Y/n deserves to be with someone far better than her, someone like Alice. That was the entire purpose to why she had to leave her. But the thought of her falling in love with someone else, tore deep into her soul like it was nothing. Watching Alice move closer to her love, and Y/n reciprocating her affection, made her physically sick. She had to do something.

"Maybe its best if you all leave Y/n to rest. Being summoned sure does take a lot out of ya, doesn't it hun?" Agatha fakely humors with a smile, attempting to separate Y/n from Alice in the most discreet manner as possible. The last thing she needed was for Y/n to hate her from ending the witch who was flirting with her. Nevertheless, that plan backfired immediately.

Alice raised an eyebrow in her spot, unbothered. "I think Y/n can make that decision on her own," Alice retaliates, her hand never leaving Y/n's, smirking. She can see right through Agatha's blatant attempt to separate them. She knows what Agatha's trying to do.

"Oh, is that so?" she feigns surprise, holding her hand over her heart. "Cause I'm sure you know her a lot better than I do from this knockoff game of 7 minutes in heaven. " Agatha condescendingly riles up the easily tempered witch, both of them standing now.

"Agatha, you need to calm down. You have no right to be acting this way," Y/n intervenes, shooting daggers at Agatha as she stands up as well. Agatha's angry and pissed, never a good combo in that one. Y/n know how this will go if it continues to escalate. Agatha has always been protective over her, possessive even. Its why is was so much harder to understand why she left to begin with. It never made sense.

Looking over at Alice, Y/n notices her hand start to glow in a closed fist, restraining her will to blast Agatha, knowing what will happen if she does. Y/n takes Alice's hand into her own, trying to calm her down, but this pushes Agatha over the edge.

"Get your filthy hands off her you hag!" Agatha snarls walking over to the two of them, ready to get her hands dirty. Before she can even think about her next move, Y/n blocks her from reaching Alice. She grabs a hold of Agatha's arm as she drags her away from the group, her grip firm and tight around the jealous witch's arm. The others sat silently by the fire, exchanging cautious glances, but unwilling to intervene. Alice, though defiant earlier, held back, crossing her arms, sensing that this confrontation was long overdue.

Y/n didn’t stop until they were far away enough that the only sound was the rustling of leaves, and the faint crackle of the campfire in the distance. Finally, she released Agatha, forcefully pushing her away as if she was disgusted by Agatha's touch, turning to face her with an expression caught between fury and hurt.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Y/n demanded, her voice trembling with barely contained frustration and confusion. “You have absolutely no right to talk to Alice or me like that. You’re the one who left me, remember? Whatever I do now and whoever I choose to do it with, is none of your business.”

Agatha grimaced at her harsh words, but her expression quickly hardened. “None of my business?” she shot back, her voice rising. “Do you think it was easy? To hurt you terribly? Trust me when I say it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. You have no idea what it did to me to walk away from you.”

"What are you talking about? Protect me from what? Explain to me what was so serious that you chose to abandon me."

Agatha faltered, her defiance wavering. She opened her mouth to speak but couldn’t seem to find the words.

"Answer me, Agatha. Or I swear, you will never see me again," Y/n said, dead serious.

Agatha’s gaze dropped to the ground. For a moment, it seemed as though she might retreat into her usual wall of protection. But then, in a voice so quiet it barely reached Y/n’s ears, she answered her. “Myself,” she admitted, her voice unsteady.

"Yourself? You've got to be kidding me. What kind of excuse is that? Is that some kind of joke? You think you can come up with excuses that will change all the pain and suffering, the abandonment?" Y/n was fuming. She couldn't believe the situation she was in.

“I was protecting you from myself,” Agatha said, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, voice now unwavering. “You don’t understand Y/n. That power was intensifying the darkness inside me, You always saw the best in me, but I knew what I was capable of, what I am capable of. And I couldn’t bear the thought of that darkness corrupting you, of hurting you.”

Y/n stared at her, the weight of her confession sinking in. “You left because you thought you’d hurt me?” she asked, her tone disbelieving.

Agatha nodded, her composure fracturing. “I thought if I stayed, I’d ruin you. When I obtained the dark hold, everything changed. I no longer had control over myself. I was consumed by the power. And I couldn’t live with myself if I were to hurt you. So I left… I left to keep you safe.”

"You don’t get to make that decision for me, Agatha. You don’t get to decide what I can and can't handle. Do you know how long I waited for you to come back? How long I wondered what I did wrong? I needed you Agatha! I still do. But instead, you left me to suffer alone. You did hurt me.”

"I know, I know. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought you'd be better without me," Agatha said regretfully, grabbing onto Y/n's arm in solace. "I see now I made the wrong decision."

Y/n back away from Agatha's touch. "That means nothing. That doesn't fix anything. And just then, you were acting like you can take claim over me?"

“I never stopped loving you,” Agatha blurted, desperation bleeding into her words. “Not for one second.”

Y/n froze, the rawness of her confession slicing through the layers of anger and pain. “That doesn’t change what you did,” she said quietly. “It doesn’t erase the centuries I spent trying to heal the wounds you left behind.”

Agatha took a hesitant step closer, her hand reaching out but stopping short of touching Y/n. “I know, and I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I know I don’t deserve it,” she acknowledges. “I just need you to give me another chance, to give us another chance, to end this heartbreak I've brought upon us,” she pleads, borderline shaking

Y/n takes time to respond, mouth open, trying to muster the words she needed to say. “I...I d-don't know if," she stutters, but her voice is silenced by the connection of Agatha lips onto hers. Agatha’s hands find Y/n’s waist, urgently pulling her into her arms. Y/n melts into her immediately, her mind racing with memories and unresolved emotions. The heat of the kiss spreads through her veins, the walls she’s built begin to crumble. Her hands grasping at Agatha’s shoulders as if anchoring herself to the moment, to her.

The kiss deepens, and time seems to collapse around them. It’s been centuries—centuries of separation, regret, and longing—and yet, none of it matters anymore. The world around them fades away, leaving only the warmth of Agatha’s lips and the electricity sparking between them. Agatha’s fingers trace the curve of Y/n’s back, igniting sensations long buried. Y/n’s hands slip from Agatha’s shoulders to cup her face, the touch tender yet desperate.

When they finally break apart, their foreheads rest against each other’s, their labored breathing mingles in the cool air of the night. Agatha’s thumb brushes gently against Y/n’s cheek, wiping away a tear she hadn’t even realized had fallen. Y/n’s eyes flutter open, meeting Agatha’s gaze—a mixture of vulnerability, remorse, and unyielding love. Agatha holds onto Y/n face delicately, searching hopefully into her eyes. Y/n's eyes water, grasping her hands lightly onto Agatha's wrists as she bites her trembling red-kissed lip. It takes her a bit to form a decision, trying to decide if she could fully trust her again. "Okay," she says, her lip quirking into a small, vulnerable smile. The word lingering in the air.

Agatha’s breath hitches, her wide eyes brimming with disbelief. "Really? Are you sure? I know I made the wrong choices, but I will spend every second of the rest of my existence I have to fix the damage I've cause. I will give you the love you've always deserved, my love," she vows. For the first time in centuries, Agatha looked vulnerable—her mask of confidence shattered, leaving only raw emotion behind.

"I'm sure. As much as I tried to hate you for leaving me, I never could. I've loved you for centuries, and I'll love you for centuries more." Her voice softens, but the conviction in her words is unmistakable.

Agatha lets out a shaky laugh of relief, and without another word, she pulls Y/n into her arms. They hold each other tightly, as though trying to make up for the centuries of separation in this single embrace. The weight of the past doesn’t vanish, but for the first time in a long time, the future feels possible.

Their forms are cast under the moonlight, a glow bathing them as they stand intertwined in each other’s arms. The world around them seems to fade away, leaving only the sound of their breaths and the steady rhythm of their hearts. The love between them begins to grow stronger with each passing second.

The moonlight reflects in their eyes as they pull back just enough to share a small, soft smile. Agatha presses a gentle kiss to Y/n’s forehead, a silent promise of devotion, while Y/n rests her head against Agatha’s shoulder, finally allowing herself to relax in her embrace.

Together, they turn back toward the firelight in the distance, where the others wait, knowing the journey ahead will not be easy. But as they walk side by side, their hands entwined, it is clear that they are no longer burdened by the weight of loneliness. Whatever comes next, they will face it together—two souls bound by a love that time could not destroy.

[eph3merall]

hateful words and harsh jabs replay in your head, tears burning behind your eyelids as you stare at chris. his back is to you, shuffling things around on a cluttered desk of crinkled bills, jewelry, papers, and drug products. you don't really understand what went wrong, why he'd suddenly want to break the little thing you two have off. chris knows you don't really have anyone else right now, falling off with all of your friends after they found out your drug addiction was slowly creeping in again.

it was tough on you specifically, chris probably couldn't give a fuck. it's not like his daily life changed much, as grunted quietly when he was unable to retrieve the lighter he always keeps on his desk. furrowing in his jeans pockets, his eyes stray towards you standing there, dumbfounded, like some stone statue. he can't help but think you're pathetic, and he was unsure why he even startes this whole thing with you in the first place.

the click of the lighter chris obtains in his pocket is something he finds comfort in, the sound being one he's heard multiple times before that he could continue click, click, clicking and it wouldn't ever annoy him. he's tried telling himself that you don't mean to be annoying, that you don't mean to be overbearing and that shit's happened to you as much as himself.

but maybe his brain was all fucked up as he takes a drag of the lit blunt in his hand, stalking towards the window of his room to place two hands on a part of it and lift up—a gust of cold air hitting him directly and making the smell of weed just that little lighter. you've finally picked the pieces of your heart up from the floor, pressing at your eyes tightly to ward off the tears. chris never really did enjoy when you cried.

he wants you to leave. get out of his room, out of the frat house where the other guys will most definitely eye you weirdly as you walk out. turning to his desk, he makes himself busy. he doesn't care, why would he? his friends have been buzzing at him for the longest time for hooking up with someone like you, making stupid jokes and jabs about marriage and stupid shit like that. so he finally did something about it.

—

“you're so annoying, y'know? fuckin', talkin' my ear off one second n'then whining when i dont respond. not like you're givin' me the chance to, anyways.”

“and dont get me started on when 'i hurt your feelings'. jeesus, actin' like you crying like some baby wont piss me off. dont be fuckin' stupid, kid, use that brain of yours.”

“gullible as shit too, y'know? what, you didnt think i actually liked you. oh, thats funny, baby. make more of those jokes n'maybe ill laugh next time. god, you didnt ever think i was just usin' you? takin' advantage of havin' some pretty pussy practically under my arm and extra money for my products. fuck, you're stupid.”

“oh, alright, cry jus' like y'did last time, see if i give a shit this time.”

you try to forget everything chris said to you and more, sitting in your room in some old zip up chris left over at your place. it reeks of weed and something thats just so him, it makes you feel sick. your cheeks itch and lips go dry the longer you sob, hating the silence whenever you go slightly quiet. its like a taunt, youre alone now, for good. you wont ever get those friends back unless you fix yourself the fuck up.

you're a mess, blubbering sobs filling the silence and wracking your body. shuddering breaths in and out, constantly repeating to yourself to breathe and to focus on anything you can currently feel or hear. your vision is far too blurry from tears to see anything clearly, nose also clogged and preventing a good sense of smell. the fur of your blanket, running steps outside your room at one point accimpanied by laughter and voices. the cold metal of the zipper and interlocking teeth of chris' zip up sends a shock to your skin in some way, the smell of weed clinging to the fabric and breaking through the barrier your nose had. you wish you didn't smell it, only ending in thoughts of chris and making you cry some more.

the next few weeks are uneventful. nothing particular happens to you or chris, besides one of your friends' birthdays—kira. you took it upon yourself to text her a little message even after she dropped you, harshly telling you to 'get yourself together' if you wanted to be friends again. the text sent, it got read, and stayed that way. you don't exactly blame her, but your heart only dropped more in despair. because a little, innocent part of you truly thought she'd say thank you, or hope you're doing well, or at least text back.

a lot of the hours of the past few weeks consisted of naps and school work, finally deciding to try and raise some of your current failing grades since there wasn't anything better to do. it was hard to focus on anything with music playing, but it was even harder to write or register a single word when it was silent.

somehow, you end up at the frat house again. shivers overtake your body as you step inside, loud music and shoving bodies hitting you like tons of bricks. your eyes scope the familiar area, searching for a certain someone with brown tufts of hair peeking out from under a cap. when you dont see him, you start working through the throng of people to tread upstairs.

your feet gradually step lighter each step up, the floor eventually thinning out as you turn to the room you've knocked on so many times before. you probably look a mess, shifting your weight from one foot to the other as you impatiently wait. a frat brother you recognize is romping up the stairs to shove into the bathroom, giving you a surprised, weirded look when he spots you.

soon, the door in front of you cracks open. chris blinks at you mumble a little 'hi' under your breath. when you get no reply, panic creeps in and you take a few steps forward and throw your arms around his shoulders, tugging yourself towards him. chris stumbles and grunts, hands bracing your shoulders and already trying to shove your body away from his own. the familiar smell of your shampoo isn't helping at all, hating how persistent you are today.

"alright, kid, y'can let go now," after chris is shuffling inside his room and shutting the door behind you. your arms loosen and slip from his body, casting a glance to the floor. you knew you'd be back, deep down, you know you don't have it in you to stay away. even as a child, you'd always ask that popular kid to be friends even after she'd humiliated you too many times to count on both hands.

"i know its my fault. sorry. for bein' annoying. tried workin' on it, and i think im better. and, and i stopped smoking, kinda. its no longer everyday, and i got classwork done, for once. are you proud of me? i worked on controlling my emotions too, so, so i don't think ill cry that easy anymore—" that was a lie. you'd started panicking the second you stepped foot inside chris' room, your mouth speaking on its own and vomiting out words that sound weird to your ears .your voice picks up speed when chris doesn't respond, only stopping when you realize he isn't listening.

and chris says nothing. his mind reeling and heart thumping in his chest, because you blame yourself. why? he doesn't know, apparently he just doesn't know anything when it comes to you. guilt blooms inside him, the feeling a little foreign as he resists the urge to wrap you up in his arms and just to tell you to pipe down. to stop being so stupid. to not blame yourself, when he's so obviously the one in the wrong. when he's so obviously the stupid one, stamping down all those feelings of guilt.

—

@conspiracy-ash @sturniolosfavkayleigh @lvrsturniolo @st7rnioioss @meatballlover10 @ashlishes @ferdzom @55sturn @chriseatingmeoutin4k @unknvhx @mattslolita @chaossturns @slut4brunettes @starclinexo @slvtf0rchr1s

©eph3merall 2024

[outofconcheol]

not yet (ksm x gn!Reader)

pairing: Seungmin x reader

genres/au/rating: angst, fluff, friends (idiots) to lovers, pg

summary: "Not yet" was a phrase that came to define Seungmin's life for the longest time. Until you came along, and changed everything.

warnings: swearing, kind of fake dating, emotionally stunted Seungmin, kissing, a smol but significant fight, Minho being a menace but also the voice of reason

word count: 2.8k

a/n: this was something cute I wrote on a whim and tell me why my whole heart is fluttering (probably bc Seungmin is bias wrecking me a lot lately). This is me being a space and time nerd on main, but I imagine Seungmin as lowkey a math nerd in this too. it'll make sense when you read! i hope you enjoy!

To Kim Seungmin time was always infinite, the universe stretching out like a vast abyss that he sought to understand. He’d grumble when his mother stretched the too-tight party hat around his ears on every birthday growing up. Because what was the point, when every day was a birthday for someone or something?

An infinite series of moments made way for an infinite number of chances, and Seungmin became fearless. Fearless because there was no way he could mess up at life, not when there would always be another chance to try again later.

And so, Seungmin’s favourite phrase, whenever his mother asked him to do anything, was “not yet.”

It was a phrase that came to define his life for the longest time. Until you came along, and changed everything.

“Seungminnie, don’t you ever get tired of showing up to dinner alone?” his mother laments over the yukgaejang, while Seungmin stares blankly at her, unable to comprehend her question. What did she mean, alone? The whole point of family dinners was so he wouldn’t have to resort to eating ramen in the dim light of his own apartment, or risk begging Minho for home-cooked food, fearing the smirk on his older roommate’s face.

As if on cue, the doorbell sounds, and Seungmin is the first one up, spoon clattering on the table and stew abandoned. Within a few strides, he’s swinging the door open, only to be met with burning in his nose and scratching in his throat, the tell-tale signs of a sneeze making themselves known.

Your face peeks out from behind the flowers, flustered and eyes growing wide with concern.

“Damn it, I thought you wouldn’t be allergic to these ones,” you whine, and Seungmin sniffles, ushering you inside. “Sometimes I think you’re faking it, Minnie.”

“___!” his mother runs to the door at the sound of your voice, nearly smushing the bouquet as she wraps you in the biggest hug. “We haven’t seen you in so long, I made extra yukgaejang, come!”

And as she leads you by the hand into the dining room, Seungmin hangs back, a smug smile on his face. The universe had his back, once again.

The dinner table conversation turns lively once again, his parents and sister pestering you with updates about your life in the city, like you and Seungmin aren’t still attached at the hip like you were when you were children.

There’s a lull in the conversation, silence falling over the table with only the clanging of utensils to fill the void, broken only by a heavy sigh. Seungmin knows what’s coming next, and so do you, judging by the way you sink into your seat.

“I always thought the two of you would end up together,” his mother blurts out, tears forming in her eyes.

You pat her on the back, dancing around her confession, telling her you’ll always be ready to show up uninvited to dinner as long as there’s an extra bowl of yukgaejang waiting, and all Seungmin can do is stare into his bowl.

No matter how many times he reminded her that you were just friends, that the realistic probability of you and Seungmin dating moved closer and closer to zero the older you grew, she stubbornly refused to give up hope. 

She’d throw it back in his face, repeating his favourite phrase. “Not yet.”

And Seungmin couldn’t tell her maybe some things were just meant to never come to life. 

The two of you walk back towards your apartments in silence, your shadows dancing on the sidewalk, creating a far livelier scene than the comfortable silence that exists between you.

Seungmin doesn’t notice you’ve fallen behind until he’s at least ten paces ahead of you, turning back to see your lonely figure under a streetlight, staring up at the stars. He resists the normal impulse in his brain to leave you behind, knowing you’ll catch up, and instead backtracks, stopping to stand next you.

“Do you really think it’d be so bad?” you ask the darkness, not turning to meet Seungmin’s eyes. “If we were to actually date?”

Seungmin’s mind is sent reeling at your confession, the neat box in which he’d compartmentalized your relationship suddenly bursting open, exploding with chaos.

“We’re getting older, Minnie,” you ponder. “Don’t you ever feel like you’re running out of time?”

Seungmin’s face darkens, and he knows he can’t answer the question without hurting your feelings. Because to him, time was never something he’d run out of. If he fucked something up, there’d always be something new, something better waiting for him on the horizon.

“You shouldn’t think like this, ____,” he breathes out. “You just haven’t found the right person yet.”

The two of you are sitting on the sidewalk now, long legs hanging off the curb. Seungmin instinctively pulls you into his side, making sure your body is shielded from any stray passerby that happen to be inhabiting the sidewalk or the wild people in the bike lane. 

“It’s always yet, Seungmin, but what about now? What are we doing with our lives?”

Seungmin’s never thought about now. He’s thought about the past, like the time he showed up to your house on your 16th birthday, a copy of your favourite novel clutched behind his back. Only to go ungifted when you’d barreled into his arms, raving over the used car your parents had gotten. He’d thought a lot about the future, the two of you going on to end up with faceless partners, settling down in houses whose walls he couldn’t picture, kids whose names he hadn’t thought out, maybe a dog or a cat. 

But he never stopped to think about the present, and looking into your eyes, he remembers exactly why. It terrified him, the faint glistening of tears, the way your breathing sped up, your fists clenching and unclenching. And he’d never had good advice to give, just always ranting on about how “tomorrow is a new day.”

Seungmin bows his head, long strands of hair falling into his face, hopes you don’t see the way his own lip quivers when he thinks about right now, the two of you sitting on a city sidewalk, together but still lonely.

“Okay,” he manages to choke out, and your head whips around in shock.

“What do you mean, okay?” you sniffle, and Seungmin pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Let’s do it. Let’s try dating.”

He feels your body go still next to him, arm going limp when you suddenly decide to let go, hoisting yourself up.

“Minnie, I was just kidding when I said that. You don’t have to date me if you don’t want to.”

“Who said I didn’t want to? I mean try, at least?” Seungmin rises up to his feet, heart thundering at the blank look on your face. “If we try and it doesn’t work, there’s always another chance, right?”

Your face twists in a strange expression, so brief Seungmin could have almost imagined it, before you let out a dazzling smile, one Seungmin thinks rivals even the brightest star he sees in the sky tonight.

“Right.”

“You’re actually fucking insane,” Minho mumbles through a mouth stuffed full with dumplings, stealing the container away when Seungmin reaches over with his chopsticks. “I shouldn’t be offering you food, I should be signing you up for therapy.

“Everybody always wants ____ and I to end up together,” Seungmin grumbles, snatching a dumpling anyway, much to Minho’s dismay. “Now that we actually decide to date, it’s suddenly a problem?”

“Dating isn’t some science experiment, okay!” Minho grows flustered, the tips of his ears turning red. “It involves real people, and real feelings! Have you even asked ____ if they’re okay with this?”

You were fine, Seungmin convinced himself.  In fact you’d been exceedingly chipper, brighter than usual, chatting about anything and everything under the sun. It gave Seungmin confidence that maybe this could work. That maybe things didn’t have to change between you two, because maybe you’d been right for each other all along and he’d just missed it.

His phone vibrates with a text from you, and Seungmin is shoving the last dumpling in his mouth, ignoring Minho’s disapproving look as he throws his coat over his shoulders, bounding down the stairs to meet you outside his apartment.

“Want to go to a coffee shop—” the air is knocked out of your lungs when Seungmin crushes you in a hug, your fists banging on his back to let you go ten seconds later. Your face is flushed, an eyebrow raised in confusion, and Seungmin thinks you’ve never looked prettier.

“Isn’t that what couples do when they see each other?” Seungmin asks innocently, only to be met with a sigh.

“You’re paying for my coffee today,” you grumble. 

Dating you is easier than Seungmin imagined — the years of friendship provided enough experience in how to spend time together, but now he gets to tell everyone that you’re together together. He thinks his mother’s joyful scream nearly splits his eardrums the moment she finds out, rushing to the phone to dial up your own mother. The conversation between them lasts a good hour and a half, and a smile pricks at Seungmin’s lips at the pride in her voice.

He gets to catch you off guard by randomly deciding to pay for your smoothie, or to wrap an arm lazily around your waist when you’re talking to someone, the subtle squeak in your voice sending his heart aflutter.

Dating you is everything Seungmin could have imagined and more, because those infinite moments he’d always thought about, are moments spent making you laugh at his deadpan jokes, moments spent clinging to your back, begging you to make him some food since Minho stubbornly refuses to, and he thinks there’s no way he could mess this up.

Until he kisses you. The two of you are cuddled up on the couch, the soft soundtrack of the film you’d chosen together lulling Seungmin to sleep in your lap, his eyes heavy-lidded. It’s when your leg shifts that Seungmin wakes up, sleepy eyes blinking up at you, only to realize your hand is resting against his cheek, thumb softly stroking his skin. He wonders if the stars in your eyes are from the reflection of the movie on the screen, or whether they mirror the ones in his own. 

Seungmin moves without thinking, his forehead collapsing against your own, and he feels your surprised gasp against his cheek before his lips are brushing against yours softly. Warmth blooms where your fingertips still rest on his cheek, lighting up his entire body with an unspoken feeling. 

He breaks away from you, still holding you close, but the smile that grazes his lips is gone as soon as it appeared, your downcast face in front of him. Seungmin waits one second, then two, then a whole minute, but it feels like an infinity while he wills you to meet his eyes.

“I can’t do this Minnie,” you finally whisper, your voice bubbling and breaking, a lone tear streaming down your face.

“I don’t understand,” the words feel heavy on Seungmin’s tongue, like he’s numb and struggling to get them out. It was just one moment, there’d be another that followed, but how could everything have gone wrong?

“I can’t keep pretending like this doesn’t mean something to me,” you finally let go of his hoodie, and Seungmin felt the cold he hadn’t noticed before seep in. “To you, this is all infinite, like it’s always been. There’s always a yet, because every moment is temporary. It’s meaningless when you have tomorrow to worry about, right? Wondering where we’ll go on our next date or what random thing you’ll do next to knock the breath out of me?”

“But this,” you continue. “Right here, right now, it isn’t just something to me. It’s everything. It’s everything because I love you and because I’ve always loved you and because you’ve never been able to see that in your infinity, there has to be some kind of beginning and end. And you’re it for me. But I’ll never be enough for you.”

Seungmin wants to tell you you’re wrong, that he’s stopped thinking about infinity and mere moments, because he realized the same thing, that he never started actually paying attention to time until he met you, and you injected all the moments of his life with meaning. But the words that come out instead are wrong, so wrong.

“You’ll get another chance,” he watches you flinch at his words, rushing to slip on your shoes. You linger at the door, hand twisting around the doorknob. “You just haven’t met the right person yet.”

The knob clicks, and the door slams. And Seungmin is left alone, in the vast abyss of his infinity once more.

Minho spares him the lecture, and Seungmin is grateful. He doesn’t need to hear the “I told you so”, doesn’t need to face his mother’s concerned face when she asks why you haven’t been coming by lately. The loneliness cuts into him like a knife, and he wonders if the imaginary future he’d dreamed of all his life would be enough to take the pain of right now away.

The weather grows colder, and Seungmin’s heart freezes along with it. Time stretches out before him as he looks at his phone, waiting for a call or a text, teasing him, threatening him, as if to say - don’t you wish you had enough?

He spends his days staring out the window, watching the world pass by around him, realizing he’s tired of moving alongside it without you by his side. And then the snow begins to fall, a few flakes to start out, until it turns into a sea of white, and he can’t even see outside anymore.

The door clicks softly behind him, Minho’s voice echoing behind him while he stomps the snow from his boots.

“It’s really coming down out there,” Minho pauses, his voice clipped. “I saw ____ at the grocery store just now.”

Seungmin’s head whips around at the mention of you, but Minho, ever the menace, keeps his mouth shut, not knowing whether the next sentence that leaves his mouth will send Seungmin spiralling or not.

It’s silent between them for a few moments, Minho putting away his food in the kitchen cupboard, while Seungmin runs through endless scenarios in his head about whether you’re happy or sad, whether you’re doing fine or falling apart, whether leaving tore your heart in pieces as much as it did his.

And that’s when he spots it, tucked between the cushions of the couch. Your scarf, blue patterned and worn. You must have left it the last time you were here.

Seungmin knows that rationally, you’d probably have a backup scarf. Knows that rationally, with how much he’d chewed your head off about the future, that you’d have planned ahead.

But you’d never been the rational one.

Minho jumps in surprise when Seungmin leaps to his feet, yanking the scarf out from the couch.

“It’s cold outside,” Seungmin breathes out, and Minho raises an eyebrow. “Right now. Right now it’s cold outside, and ___ left their scarf here, and they, and I– shit!”

He’s running out the door before Minho can stop him, your scarf against his chest like it’s a lifeline.

. . . 

He sees you just outside the grocery store, struggling with the heavy load of groceries you’d bought for the storm. The tiny shiver that rakes down your spine is enough to send him running your way.

“Seungmin?” you call out to him in shock, seeing his frantic figure bound towards you in the snow.

“Your scarf,” he heaves, shoving the crumpled fabric into your hands. “You left your scarf.”

“Minnie,” you can’t help the nickname that slips out. “It’s okay, I have another one for next time–”

“This isn’t about next time,” Seungmin interrupts you, wrapping his arms around you, not caring that you drop your bags into the snow. “This is about right now. And right now it’s snowing.”

“Yeah,” your breath comes out in a fog. “It is.”

“And right now,” Seungmin’s voice cracks, unshed tears filling his eyes. “Right now I love you. I think I probably always have and I probably always will, but that doesn’t matter. You’re my past, you’ll be my future, and I hope you’ll be mine, right now in this moment.”

“What about not yet? The infinite possibilities of the universe?” You whisper, clutching his coat while he wraps the scarf around you.

“The universe is infinite because you’re at the center of it - an infinite number of ways to make you smile, to be whatever you need, to tell you I love you. You’re the beginning and the end, and everything in between.”

Your lips are crashing onto his, mouths colliding messily through the veil of your tears, and Seungmin never wants to let go. When you break apart, it’s to lay your head on his chest.

“Come home with me,” he whispers into your hair. “Let me make you some tea.”

You shake your head, burrowing into Seungmin’s neck, humming your response.

“Not yet.”

a/n pt. 2: As always, any feedback or comments are much appreciated, but I appreciate you all anyway. Lots of love, Isi 💜

[thequietkid-moonie]

Rejecting affection because of their body

[ HEADCANONS ] [ Aigis, Boothill, 2B, Genos ]

[ Persona 3 ] [ Honkai Star Rail ] [ NieR Automata ] [ One Punch Man ]

I want to hold them close, play with their hair and say how much i love them with a kiss in their forehead

I just realice i have a things for robot/androids, idk i guess androids with feelings is like my type, specially the plot!!

Aigis

Aigis has been having troubles with not only her feelings but also her humanity, she was made to fight the shadows and for the longest time she considerate herself only useful for that purpose so the moment she was given the oportunity to live like any other human and being treated as such by the members of SEES she had a hard time to adapt

It took her a while and even some help from you and her friends but she understand that she have fallen in love and start a relationship with you definetly was something completely new, Aigis didn't quite knew what to do but she was willing to help because of this new feelings inside of her

Getting to be physicaly affectionate depends on you, depending on how well you handle it and how much you like it since Aigis is just learning and has pretty much not shame, she knows physical affection is important and way to show care and love but thats also the reason why she was a bit eager to try it, and she had complex feelings for it, liking it but at the same time feeling a little troubled, being so close to you, being directly touching you remind her how diferent your body was from hers, making her curious but also nervous, still it wasn't until your pointed out the diference between you two that Aigis became self-councious

She imediatly let go of you to ask if that was something bad with a sad expression, but even if you try to reasure her that is fine Aigis simply couldn't shake the thought out of her mind, she knew that she was diferent, it is really obvious after all, but does that mean she can't be treaten as a human? can she be considerate a human? and how can she love like other humans when she is far from being a human?

While trying to understand what it is to be human Aigis grew anxious over the diference between you two, avoiding any kind of contact because she's now worried that she may not be the best for you, or at least not the best to give this kind of affectionate, worried that it may be uncomfortable or even that you may end up injured by accident

Aigis need reasurance and patience, its not that this have made her suddently feel really bad is just that it had made her more confused with trying to understand the humans, but with some guidence and care Aigis will slowly accept the fact that, even if you two are diferente that doesn't make her less deserving of love and care nor make you love her less (she will end up being really flustered but will also make her incredibly happy, something that she doesn't quite understand but she just decide to accept it)

Boothill

Boothill doesn't really feels complexed because of his robotic body, he already is used to it and to live with it and since it helps him with with his duty and his seek for his revenge he doesn't complain about it, however for him this body also represents everything that he have lost so it pains him to some extent

Even when you two are already in a relationship he didn't thought much on his body for a long time, after all you two went at your own rythm and way, it wasn't until you two actually started your relationship when he started to be quite self-councious of his body, after all not only he couldn't exactly feel you there is also a contrast with the coldness of his body and the warm of yours

Once he become aware of the diference is something that got stuck on his mind for quite a while, unable to get the thought our of his mind and also becoming incredibly self-councious, almost scared of letting you touch him since he knows there will only be disapointment (he just belives you won't think good of how cold and hard his body is, even if you say that you don't mind it simply stuck in his mind)

For a while Boothill is able to avoid having to explain himself well, finding other ways to express how much he loves you without having to touch you or avoiding letting you touch him and saying a playful excuse, changing the topic with a playful smile so you stop and you won't ask

Boothill keeps it that way for the longest time, avoiding as much as posible to explain how much it actually affects him, how much it reminds him that he is no longer human and how it terrifies him that you may not feel like is enough, that you may prefer to find love in someone who can hug you without a rigid metalic body, who can share the warth in a hug (still, he won't blame you), honestly he is quite blinded by his own sorrow for everything that he have lost that he just can't think out of the idea that his body may be disapointming and uncomfortable for you, fearing that one day you will confirm it

Boothill doesn't want to admit it but if he has to he will do it, he will speak his heart out and despite feeling embarrassed you can see the true anxiety on him because of this, he loves you, he loves that he has you in his life, he loves that there is someone waiting for him and he is scared of losing it, he needs reasurance, he needs to heard from you that you won't leave

Boothill may accept it pretty quick and even joke about it a little but deep down the fear won't cease so easily, it will take him time and even when he is accepting physical affection again he still tense up before relaxing under your touch from time to time, he still stares at you a little as if trying to make sure you are still here, he still quietly hopes that you won't leave his side

2B

As a special YoRHa unit 2B has dedicate herself to the battle and her duty, no matter how curious she can be of the world or the undenying feelings that she has 2B still tries to remind as profesional as posible, even when she have end up in a relasionship with the human she has found during her work and swear to protect

2B struggle quite a lot with feelings and relating to others (specially you) because of the little she knows about life, she finds herself feeling insecure and anxious when it comes to you because she doesn't know what to do or even how to express her feelings, not matter how much you reasure her that is fine she still is too nervous

At the end 2B end up putting some physical distance to you and rarely accepts any physical affection because from one side you are a human, is her duty as a YoRHa unit and your girlfriend to protect you, you hold more importance than you can imagine for this world and for her, and, in the other side, she is an android, her body is build to be in the battlefield, in comparation of your soft and warm body hers is harsh and cold, she can feel the warmth of your body whenever you are close and, as much as she like it (since it means you are alive and you are here), she feels complexed that she can't provide you with that same warmth

2B has a hard time letting her guard down enough and open up to you because she is too nervous that it may end up putting an awkward distance between you two, even if you are already together that just makes 2B even more nervous because she can't deny her feelings now but she is still scared that she may end up hurting you one way or another, but with enough patient or insistance she will slowly grow used to it

Even when 2B start to feel more comfortable to just let herself enjoy and feel she still will keep some respetable distance to respect your personal space and whenever you two are out of the resistance camp because she need to be ready to fight and protect you from anything and everything, again, it is needed to have patience with 2B, even so it would reach a point where she slowly give up to you and her own desires, letting you get closer whenever she makes sure you two are alone and in a safe place and even trying to be her who gets close to you if you don't do it

Honeslty, 2B would be so troubled by all this situation that she will not even notice when she grow to start craving you presence and affection, is something she never had before, is not normal between the YoRHa units and with you she found how much she enjoys having someone who love her and someone to love, it makes her more happy than how she likes to admit

Genos

Genos has dedícate his life for quite a while just to get his revenge, he has now a new body made to fight and has being only thinking on trying to find the culprit of losing his home so it may be that you two end up together until he started being Saitama's disciple (and he supported your relasionship to be able to get more free time away from him)

Genos is kinda learning in the process about how to be a good boyfriend for you, he tends to think too much and is quite naive so he really takes his time to get used to be in a relasionship and has to actually take some time to think on the right way to show his love and care

Since the start Genos was a bit hesitant about physical affection, his body is made for combat and he is constantly needing repairs and upgrates (specially after becoming part of the heroes agency), he knows really well his body and how any kind of weapon or dangerous addition he have is only activated when he needs it, even so he wants to take as less risk as posible, after all hurting you even by accident would be something that will hurt him deply

He will end up avoiding physical contact if posible or even take a moment of hesitation before holding you since he needs to make sure he won't end up hurting you, and if you or someone else (probably Saitama) end up pointing out how diferent your bodies are or how rought and cold is his body because of being an android that is going to also make him feel incredibly nervous , its like he have ignored that fact for a while but now that he is aware of it it just makes have you feel self-councious (and sometimes reminds him how he used to be fully human once, wich only make him feel worst)

Genos will not admit out loud that the reason why he avoids physical affection is because how nervous and self-councious he feels about being an an android and how it makes him doubt his qualities as a boyfriend but if you put enough attention it becomes kinda obvious that it is because of that, he seems visibly down when he has to decline your affection because, deep down, he does want that hug, he wants to hold your hand or just caress you gently but he doesn't think it is a good idea

It will take some time and patience to make him feel comfortable enough for him to be openly affectionate, although it is actually quick to covince him that is fine, that he won't hurt you by something like holding hands, what will take him time is to stop hesitating so much before accepting the affection and even more to initiate it, but with enough patience and reasure he will actually become incredibly clingy and affectionate (he is not exactly the touchy type but if you are he won't mind much after getting comfortable, and once he is confident enough he will be quick to grap his arms around you to protect you even if he is just feeling jealous for any reason)

[fellshish]

I understand that. Michael Sheen is attractive but the more I think about Aziraphale, the more he pisses me off because the worst thing he could have said was turning Crowley back into an angel. Crowley hates heaven and doesn’t wanna be an angel. Why does Aziraphale refuse to admit that both heaven and hell suck and why does he say that Crowley is a bad guy when he isn’t one?

Don’t worry, I didn’t think you were calling Michael Sheen unattractive :))

Ok, a lot to unpack here. But i love thinking about good omens so thank you for asking.

First of all, Aziraphale didn’t say Crowley is a bad guy. Crowley said that they asked him back to hell but he’s “not rejoining their team” and he said no. To that aziraphale replied “obviously you said no to hell, you’re the bad guys”. Not the most diplomatic way to say it, he should have said “they’re the bad guys”, but beneath the words is this: he thinks it’s logical crowley said no because he doesn’t think crowley is a right fit for hell. Because crowley is good.

Does he think crowley is right for heaven, then? Not as is — but perhaps as it could be. They could make it better, together. Crowley would be safe there: no longer hated and hunted by heaven or hell. Under aziraphale’s protection. The metatron made it very clear he knew what him and crowley had been up to for all those years, and there was a veiled threat in that, in my opinion.

Now aziraphale & heaven — it’s complicated. Aziraphale doesn’t like thinking about it. He likes living in blissful ignorance enjoying human delights such as books and theater. The last thing he wants to do is work. And over the past 6,000 years he has learned to see shades of grey but he’s also been unable to make real changes. And overall he considers heaven to be better than hell, still. There’s no real alternative.

His choice at the end of season 2, to me, makes a lot of sense. Let’s put it this way. Let’s say you’ve been working for a big charity for the longest time. There are flaws in the company: not everyone who deserves it, is getting help. The charity is being run really badly.

Then, they offer you a new position. You can run the charity. You can change it, but it’ll be hard and you’ll have to give up your current life. Your best friend says: we should just run off together and be happy together. Could you turn your back on the charity? Knowing you could’ve made a difference — or at least tried? That there are people who need help, that aren’t getting it, because you made a selfish choice?

Aziraphale and crowley both have their own flaws in their reasoning, their own motivations. I don’t think aziraphale is more wrong for choosing heaven than crowley is wrong for wanting to be cut off from everything.

The truth is this: the second coming is being put into motion. Aziraphale and crowley are humanity’s only hope.

Aziraphale thinks he can make a difference by influencing heaven. I don’t think he’s mean, or out of character, for that choice.

I do think he should tell crowley he loves him though.

[kurokens]

I'll Be There | Satosugu

anime/manga: jujutsu kaisen

character: gojo satoru & geto suguru

words: 2.6k

pronouns: they/them

request: none

notes: part 4 of In The Middle is here!! might be the longest part of this series, and of my entire blog tbf. i think i like it quite a lot, didn't know where i was going at first but i think it turned out great!! hopefully you will enjoy it. ofc this isn't the end hehe dw

not proof read

song rec: I'll Be There - Zitten

genre: hurt comfort, fluff, slowburn, a little bit angsty, poly?

warnings: satosugu are in a loving relationship, misunderstanding, pinning, a lot of pinning on satosugu's end, reader is so oblivious, insecure and self conscious reader, satoru is quite eloquent

It's been two weeks already, two excruating weeks of you not talking to the two men you once called your best friends. Your mutual friends tried telling you that you should give them a chance to explain themselves, that this was just a big misunderstanding. But they didn't understand, how hurt you were, and how painful it was for you. Of course, you wanted nothing more than to run back to them and forget about all of this but how could you? The people you trusted the most were talking behind your back, and it didn't seem like it was in a good way, and no misunderstanding could ever explain what you heard and erase the betrayal you felt. You were convinced of this, and you thought getting out of their life for good was the best option for all of you, no matter what anyone else said.

Or so you thought, because here you were, standing in front what used to be your home, a shaky hand raised to knock on a door you would usually unlock yourself. Your timid knocks echoed throughout the house and for a moment you felt a wave of doubt overwhelm you. What if you were making a mistake? What if they moved on? I mean after all Satoru's messages stopped flooding your phone after a while. Maybe you should just turn back and leave things as they were, because that's how things were meant to be, the two of them together, without you invading their personal space. But just as you were about to walk away Suguru's voice was heard, and your entire body froze, unable to take another step or make another move.

"No Toru, I doubt it's someone delivering us free pizza. Can you be serious for on-" The dark-haired man was not able to finish his sentence upon opening the door and seeing you standing in front of him.

The silence between you two was loud, way too loud for you, and yet you couldn't get yourself to open your mouth to say a word, just anything would do, and yet not even a breath could cross your lips.

"What's taking you so long? Fell in love with the delivery person or what?" Satoru joked, making his way towards the entrance, his mind and body going numb when he finally noticed what had his lover frozen in place.

"I," You started, trying your best to rack your brain in order to break this silence, to explain why you were there, to stop looking like an imbecile. And yet you couldn't, their eyes fixated on you paralised you and shook you to your core. "T'was a mistake, sorry for bothering, I'll just go." Was what you ended up letting out, the awkward silence and the stares getting to your head, making you doubt your decision to come here in the first place.

But before you could even take a step away you were pulled back onto something hard, rather warm, and shaking quite uncontrollably, which was crushing all of your bones. You try wiggling your way out, freeing your head from the strong grasp, that's then you heard sniffling and realised what was happening. Satoru was the one who stopped you from leaving, and was currently suffocating you in what was possibly the tightest hug you've ever received. He was full on sobbing, his head in the crook of your neck, trying his best to catch his breath but crying harder every time he caught a whiff of your scent. You were awkwardly standing there, not really knowing what to do with this sudden show of affection and outburst. But as if it was almost a second nature, and before your brain could stop you, you wrapped your arms around his torso and hugged him back, which only caused Satoru to cry harder into you.

"Satoru, I think you should let go of them." Suguru tried getting the white-haired man off of you, which broke something in you and brought you back to reality and why you were here now.

"M'not gonna, m'never letting them go ever again, never, never" The youngest whined, tightening his embrace each time as if to prove his point.

"You're not the one who can decide this Toru. And you don't even know why they came in the first place." The raven-haired man reasoned, a hint of sadness at the thought of what made you come back here, scared it was to get the rest of your stuff to move out completely. "Why don't we let them in, and hear them out hm? Think you can do that?"

Reluctantly Satoru let go of you, only to bury his face into his lover's chest, his tears still flowing uncontrollably. Geto gently smiled at you before inviting you in. You hesitated a bit but finally entered, not able to refuse the oldest's pleading eyes. The way to the living room felt endless to you, the silence way too heavy for your liking, and Gojo's soft sobs not helping your nerves at all. After felt like an eternity you finally reached your destination, the two lovers sat on the couch leaving you your spot in your usual chair. You thought it took another lifetime before the silence was finally broken by Geto clearing his throat and starting the conversation.

"So, hm, I don't really know how to start the conversation. Honestly I didn't even think you would ever come back and hear us out, I'm not that prepared, so I will just go straight to the point, I'm sorry." He began his rambling, only serving in quickening your heartbeat even more, scared of the next words that will come out of his mouth. "We don't know exactly what you were refering to with your note, and what you heard. But we can promise you it's a misunderstanding, just a big, big, misunderstanding. You have to believe us, we will never ever hurt you."

"Oh really?" You snickered, the memories of what you've heard coming back to you in a flash, and hitting you in the face even harder than a truck. "So you saying it became unbearable to see me everyday, that you could no longer look at me in the eyes, let alone talk to me, is just a big misunderstanding??" Anger suddenly overflowing your system, replacing all the sadness and nervousness you could feel up until then.

The living room went silent once again, the two lovebirds in a shock at your words. Because surely if you heard this, then, you heard the rest right?? You knew how they felt? Was that what made you this upset? Did them being in love with you repulse you that much that it made you run away from them?? No, no, it couldn't be.

"You heard that?" Suguru breathed out.

"Yes, I did. A bit more difficult to pass this as a misunderstanding now isn't it?" You laughed bitterly.

"Then you know how we feel about you right?? Is that why you're upset?" He continued, still in shock.

"If by how you feel you mean that your hate me, then yes Geto. I know how you feel. And why are you acting so shocked? Is it that hard to believe that me learning my supposedly best friends hate me made me upset?? Or was it suppose to be something I was meant to be aware of from the beginning? Because you sure didn't let that show." You huffed, annoyed at the couple dumbstruck faces, like how dare they act so fucking shocked.

"YOU THINK WE HATE YOU?????????" Both them screamed in unison, the black-haired man having to physically restrain the other one from jumping on you. Their reactions calmed down your anger, only to turn it into confusion.

"Well yeah?? Why else would you say that shit?? Sorry I don't understand why you guys are so surprised right now?" You simply said, staring at them with nothing but confusion in your eyes.

"Oh my god, we do NOT hate you. Oh god. That couldn't be farther from the truth. Oh shit, I'm so relieved right now, I think I could faint." Suguru softly whispered. "Sweetheart, you couldn't be more wrong even if you wanted. Hate you?? Are you insane? We would NEVER hate you. Even with a gun against my head I don't think I could ever utter those words about you."

"I'm so confused, if you don't hate me then why the fuck would you say such things about me? Because there is no way you could be talking about someone else, I heard you say you couldn't bring it up because the person lived with you, and I'm the only one there." You asked, genuinely bewildered by this entire conversation.

"God, this is absolutely not how we wanted to do this, but I don't think we have much of a choice right now do we?" The oldest gently laughed, his smile almost contagious.

"We want you." Satoru suddenly blurted out, startling both of you.

"NO!" Suguru shouted, only to stop himself as if he said the worst thing ever, facepalming before he continued. "I mean yes, but, fuck Satoru this isn't what we talked about."

"They think we hate them! And you're taking way too long, beating around the bush and confusing them more and more. Look at what waiting got us into!! Do you just want them to walk out without knowing how we truly feel?" The youngest rebutted, barely containing himself from pouncing on you and declaring his love for you like he should have done a while ago.

"No.. But do you want to scare them off by just declaring our love for them like that? What we're about to say is not exactly something that is considered conventional in this society Toru. You don't want to startle them and overwhelm them with all our feelings." The raven-haired boy tried to reason.

"I know, but I don't want to hurt them more than we already did." The tallest pouted.

The two lover continued their conversation, as if you weren't there, not realising that they were doing exactly the opposite of what what they were talking about; confessing their unconditional love while being unawere of your dumbfounded self, growing redder and redder with each passing seconds.

"Hm, guys." You finally interrupted. "You know I'm still here, I once again can hear you, and quite correctly this time."

Both men freezed, looking at each other mortified. All of this time spent planning, and carefully rehearsing what they would tell you when they finally confessed, only to do it in such a manner. Suguru was decomposing himself, this house never felt hotter to him as it was right now.

"Haha, what if, you pretended you never heard that???" He chuckled shyly.

"Hm, that would be quite, difficult." You mumbled, your feet and hands suddenly a lot more interesting than the pair in front of you.

You saw something move in your peripheral vision, before a tuff of white hair made its way into your field of vision, Satoru now kneeling in front of you.

"Hey sweetcheek." He softly mouthed, taking your fidgeting hands into his, something that surprisingly eased your nerves. "I know this is quite sudden, and definitely not how we planned to do this, especially not Sugu. But what we said is true, we love you, so, so much. It was hard for us to process, because as Sugu said it, it's not really conventional in our society, so this was really confusing to us. Especially coming to terms with it, but when we realised we both felt the same way towards you, it felt like an evidence. You were the missing part in our life, and you leaving made this even clearer. We cannot function without you, we are too enamored with you to ever imagine a life without you in it. I wanted to just tell you, scream about how much I crave you and your love along Sugu's, but he made me realise this would be selfish. Because, as hard as it was for us to come to term with this, it might be even harder for you, especially if sprung into your face out of nowhere, which we ended up doing any way. And we're very sorry for this. But now that the cat is out of the bag, I want you to know that I love you, God, I love you so much. To think you thought we hated you break me, because there is not a shred of hatred in my body that could ever be directed towards you, and I know it's the same for Sugu. We love you, we love you, we love you." Satoru rambled, his eloquence shocking both you and Suguru.

"And we want you to know that you do not have to reciprocate our feelings, hell, you don't even have to consider them if you don't want to. We just wanted you to know, because that's something that was weighing down on us and we couldn't keep it from you any longer. We don't want this to affect our friendship even more than it already did. As Toru said we cannot function without you, and even if you don't reciprocate our feelings, we want to keep you in our life, because before anything else, you are our best friend, and this will never change. And you don't have to react or say anything about this sudden confession and outburst, you can take the time to think and let all of that sink in. We do not want to pressure you into anything you don't want. I'm so sorry we ended up dumping this on you like that. We had an entire plan prepared but we fucked up. And I'm so sorry we made you believe you were not welcomed in this house, because it's not the case I promise." Geto continued, joining Satoru at your feet, and leaving you no choice but to look at the both of them in the eyes again.

"I, hm, this a lot of information to handle all at once." You exhaled, now realising you've been holding your breath throughout the entirety of the two lovers' speech.

"We know, we're sorry." Suguru murmured, gently stroking your hand, a gesture widely appreciated right now.

"I'm gonna need some time, I think. I don't know what to say." You followed, ligthly squeezing their hands, as if to ground you a bit better in a reality that you were having a hard time to process.

"And we'll give you all the time you need, we've said that already." Satoru replied with a dreamy smile on his face, pleased to be able to have this proximity with you after so long apart.

"Thank you. I think I'll go now." You uttered, hardly moving from your spot despite your words.

"You're more than welcomed to stay here if you want, afterall, this is still your house." Suguru hummed, his face mirroring Satoru's lovestruck one.

"No, I'll go, I won't be able to think straight otherwise. But I'll come back, eventually." You breathed out, still unmoving, hardly understanding anything happening around you that wasn't the two men sitting in front of you.

"Ok, that's fine with us." The white-haired man answered, not moving an inch from his position or letting go of your hand, not helping you in your predicament. But how could he, when he finally could look at you how he longed to do for so long, and who was Suguru to chastise him when he felt the exact same way. Hence why they allowed themselves to endulge a little longer in the skinship they always craved for. You could always do all of your thinking and processing after, was what all of you silently thought and agreed on, just to relish on this moment for a little while longer.

[stargirl-writes]

denial

pairing : force healer jedi! reader x anakin skywalker

word count : 1.5k

masterlist

summary

anakin skywalker confessed his love for you. except, you turned him down, reminding yourself of your duty to the jedi. weeks would have passed and you're reaching a breaking point where you can no longer deny how you felt about him.

tags : angst, mutual pining, fluff towards the end,

warnings : pretty much just denial of how reader feels, and angst with a happy ending (!)

notes : hi lovely people! this is the first thing i'll post under this blog! thank u for taking interest in my little imagine, i hope you like it!

likes, reblogs, and comments are highly appreciated !

It has been a few weeks since Anakin Skywalker told you he loved you. For a moment, the cruelest thing to do seemed like the sweetest thing he could say.

For you both know that the Jedi Council will forbid you to delight in this feeling.

No attachments, live to serve the good, clear lines. No devotions.

You didn't understand how loving someone can be so corrupting, after all, the Jedi Code taught you compassion for all things. That in itself is an act of love. Living so detached from things just makes it all feel... meaningless.

Why hurt for love? Why hurt for not loving?

But now, ever since Anakin told you he wanted you, you are held by a ravenous grip that left you feeling breathless. Suffocated.

Because the truth was simple: You wanted to hoard Anakin in your heart and keep him there. You wanted Anakin.

Of course, you didn't mean it. Anakin Skywalker is the only one who truly knew you. He shredded down your walls to find you where you're most vulnerable and loved you anyway. He wasn't scared of the things about you he didn't understand. Things you, too, find difficult to accept.

But caught by the abruptness, you could only tell him "We can't" before storming out of the room that one night.

You were perplexed, because for the longest time you have resigned yourself to the idea that you were the only one feeling it.

And now he says he loves you. All along.

He loved you.

He loved you despite, despite, despite...

And you turned him down.

Because you can't....

You were bound by duty first. And your duty is to serve the Republic. You can't have Anakin, not if he is supposed to be the chosen one.

You still cried in your sleep; angry and tremendously sorry you turned the closest thing to love away.

You can't take the Republic's only chance of surviving this war. He was meant for something larger than you are. Larger than both of you. You understood this, but it didn't really make it hurt any less.

It fell into this odd... silence between both of you.

You'd catch yourself looking for him in every room you find yourself in. A force of habit. His force signature used to be a warm beacon of light to anchor you, now every time you sense Anakin, your heart aches.

Haunted by the images in your mind of what could be if you allowed him to love you. Terrified that you've allowed yourself to want to share a lifetime with him.

You can't. You wouldn't.

You shuffle in your bed, unable to find a spot so you can comfortably rest. You were becoming more frustrated, for your mind just won't turn itself off.

You grabbed your robe and pulled your hair away from your face, tying it back.

With a sigh, you sit up. It would be futile to attempt any sleep, dawn was already breaking from the windows of the Jedi Temple.

Force healing is something that not every Jedi practices, for it requires a deeper state of discipline and precision. Besides, there are medical droids that can take care of the wounded.

The council had briefed you on your mission for today, you're stationed at the med-bay to overlook the casualties after the recent attack on Kamino.

You valued healing; no matter how forgotten it may have been for the Jedi Order. So, this mission is equally important to you as fighting in the front lines.

The halls of the temple were still quiet, deep in sleep. You wander around, not really knowing where to head.

You hear a shuffle from behind, and instinctively, you turn.

You halt at a balcony— entranced by the rising sun. You breathed deep, wondering when all became so complicated.

A pair of blue eyes meet your doe-eyed gaze. You surveyed him, he looked like he just came from battle, his robes were covered in dust, and his eyes were glossy as if he had been awake for some time, too.

"Anakin" you breathed out, realizing it had been the first time you addressed him after the night he confessed.

"[Name]" He answers, sounding tired.

Your heart thumps, unsure, and half-terrified that if he calls your name again, you might fall to pieces.

"How did the mission on Kamino go?" You say, trying to find any topic other than—

Anakin steps forward, leaning against the balcony. You hold your breath. Being so close to him felt like all air vanishes.

"It went alright" Anakin answers, his gaze falling into the horizon.

Your eyes trail on his arm, noticing the dried blood, a gash maybe, you step forward, wanting to get a closer look, your healing instincts telling you something was off.

"You're hurt" You say, your hand carefully moving his robe.

Anakin sharply turns at your touch. Then his eyes bore into yours. You lifted your fingers, realizing you may have startled him.

Anakin always had you. Part of the reason you were persistent in learning healing. Because the anxiety of him hurting never settled, and you wanted to be equipped to take care of him.

"Let me do this, it won't take long" You insisted, because you knew Anakin too well, and he'd not get it checked until someone else forces him to sit down at the med-bay.

The wound started closing and after a moment, it was like it wasn't there in the first place.

Anakin nods, his eyes never leave yours.

You felt it, a ripple through the force. A very specific frequency. A jedi might mistake his hurt as that of a physical one. But you have memorized him too much to read through his pretenses.

The wounds hurt, yes. But he is carrying a lot more pain than he lets on.

So, you continued. Your fingers graze over his skin, channelling the force, willing it to heal the gash.

You withdrew your touch. The silence lingered. It's a silence that makes you feel mad, because it feels like this is how it'll always be for you and Anakin now. Delicately dancing around the elephant in the room.

The silence amplified the voice screaming in your heart.

You may as well just say it out loud because your force signature is latched with it. It involuntarily pours your heart out.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

"Anakin" you began, your lips opening and closing unable to find words to express how you felt.

He turns his head, standing straight, he had an expression you recognized. Some sort of braceness, like he was already anticipating for you to break his heart again.

"I'm sorry" was all you could say.

Even if you would've ran away with him if he asked you to.

Clear lines. No attachments. You'd cross them all if he asked you to.

This was the right thing to do, you think...

"Don't" Anakin shakes his head "Don't... I know you don't mean it" His eyes fall to his feet.

"No, I do" You answer swiftly— no longer able to deny how much it had hurted you too.

You felt tears threatening to cascade down your face. You've heard it said that love turns people soft, but you have never felt more broken now that you have loved something you can't have.

"Anakin, when I said we can't, it's because I can't take you for myself. You're meant for larger things. Only with the Jedi can you fulfill your destiny" You rambled, verbalizing the thoughts you convinced yourself to believe in at night.

Anakin's eyebrows furrowed, but you continued "It doesn't mean I didn't, that I don't—" You halted, your heart and mind tearing you apart.

"[Name]" he calls, "You are no small thing in my life" He tucks a loose strand of hair to your ear.

"I meant it when I told you I love you." His palm presses on your cheeks.

You thought you could crumble beneath his touch.

These weeks, the small amount of time you spent trying to convince yourself that his feelings will eventually pass, never faltered the way how you felt. His absence felt like half of you was missing. And now, he was here, insisting softly.

You can't hold it in anymore.

So, in the absence of words, you pressed your lips against his— slowly, gently, slipping into the intimacy you only ever shared with him.

I love you.

You say between the kisses, hoping it'd suffice for you can't quite bring yourself to say it just yet.

Nothing in the world belonged to you, just this love you were overpouring with. And this kiss— it felt like the beginning of something eternal.

Whatever that may be.

© to @cafekitsune the dividers!

[junkdrawerfan]

Idk if anyone will read this post but I've been trying to learn a bunch about different characters. And I've so far been learning about Tim. He's got so much content to sort through. I think only Dick (in terms of the Robins) has more content than him. So here are my thoughts while reading through some of Tim Drake's Robin run.

Part One:

Next

Batman 468-469:

Tim has really been set up to be the "Robin who Saves Batman." Because Tim is a Robin who does not have an internal desire to run around as a caped crusader, "why is Time Drake a hero" seems to be an essential question to his existance from the beginning:

This is after Tim has lost his mother and his father is paralyzed and unable to care for him. As such, Tim is staying at Bruce's manor (though no offical adoption has taken place. In fact his living situation is not explained beyond him just living with Bruce. So i assume a fostering situation?) Already, we see Tim stepping in to care for Bruce and remind him he's not invunerable.

I'm really enjoying the 90s action vibe they give Tim. His first nemesis is King Snake who'd feel right at home in a Jackie Chan movie! The fact that this 14 year old boy has the "second greatest figher in the world" (right after Lady Shiva) shaking in his boots is WILD even though its King Snake confusing Robin & Lady Shiva haha

This is after Tim has lost his mother and his father is paralyzed and unable to care for him. As such, Tim is staying at Bruce's manor (though no offical adoption has taken place. In fact his living situation is not explained beyond him just living with Bruce. So i assume a fostering situation?) Already, we see Tim stepping in to care for Bruce and remind him he's not invunerable.

I'm really enjoying the 90s action vibe they give Tim. His first nemesis is King Snake who'd feel right at home in a Jackie Chan movie! The fact that this 14 year old boy has the "second greatest figher in the world" (right after Lady Shiva) shaking in his boots is WILD even though its King Snake confusing Robin & Lady Shiva haha

I get why he had the longest running Robin solo act.

Bruce is very very protective of Tim in this arc. Makes sense since he just lost his old Robin and was spiraling because of it. We're -- time wise -- about a year and a few months since Jason's death. It makes sense that Bruce is having a hard time since another boy in danger, especially in a situation where that boy is being targetted by the big bad of the run. I guess they have to get Bruce to a point where he'll let Tim run around without as much helicoptering (and eventually found the Young Justice!). Its a really fun emotional core.

Batman 470

Just fun romps. I know I should switch to Robin II (Robin I covered his training with lady shiva & meeting king snake which i wrote about here) to keep learning about Tim. But I do like the Batman comics. I do not understand the difference between the Batman & Detective Comics. Like I get the Detective Comics are the original Batman comics but they're both about Batman so like.... why have two batman runs about the same guy and characters in the same universe? Just put out more detective comic runs? Makes no sense (plus having dual Batman v Detective Comic runs really fucked over Jason's time as Robin. I'm excited they're putting out the Batman & Robin: Jason Todd comics soon so we can finally have a definitive Jason Todd Robin characterization.)

Batmna 471:

WTF! Killer Croc oh my god! You poor thing!!! He just wanted to hang out with his family and watch cable tv!

Okay. Switching to Robin II series to continue to learn about Tim Drake!

(Side Note: Thoughts about the Batman comics though. I dislike that they stopped in 2011. I mean this comic series has been running since the 1940s! Its cool for a character to have that much history. Honestly, they shouldn't have rebooted the OG lines like Batman/Detective Comics/Superman/Action Comics. They're such long running series its more fun to let them just keep going. Especially since they ended up rolling it all back anyway. Its just a weird choice to decide the shit that kept your company alive from the 1940s doesn't matter anymore?)

[strange-anni]

This is the source El finds in the void and it's twofold. It's the father. In this case it's Neil but he's just a stand-in for Lonnie.

The other source is the Steel Works warehouse BRIMBORN but that's not how it is presented to us throughout season 3.

It reads more like BRIMBORN as a shadow covers up the B pretty consistently, making us unable to read it

Warning for discussions of CSA under the cut

We also get the full address of the steelworks warehouse and it's

Brimborn Steelworks 6522 Cherry Oak Drive

This is how where the MF possessed Billy. Cherry Oak Drive

Lonnie also means oak tree

Max also tells us Billys full address

Billy Hargrove 4819 Cherry Lane

Billy lives on Cherry Lane but he lost himself and got possessed by the father at Cherry Oak Drive. A lane to drive on...

Source

Billy was a Cherry Lane at first until he got corrupted in the Cheery Oak Drive

Billy is short for William and a stand-in for Will

We also learn more about cherries and their availability

Hopper says there is no cherry in the 7-Eleven. Apparently they had only strawberry

That's not entirely true tough as we see with Alexei here. In fact it seems like they have only cherry and cola. But Hopper still drove there even though it was way out of his way. So I'm sure he would have gotten cherry if it were there, right?

Well, maybe it's more like an either/or situation with the Seven and the Eleven in which one number is the cherry and the other is the strawberry . Maybe they are mutually exclusive

As we've already seen though, it's Will who is already associated with cherries via association of Billy which in turn can only mean one thing

Eleven is the strawberry

But

In the end there is no difference. Cherry and strawberry taste the same. They are the same. Just sugar on ice

But what's a strawberry anyway?

Source

First of all of this goes with the Will Byers has DID theory.

For the longest time I was convinced that Will created Eleven on the day he vanished in the woods but I don't think that's what has happened any longer. I think she was there long before. Ready to take over whenever Will needed her to use her superpowers to absorb what he couldn't face.

That's why Eleven is a strawberry. She was there ready to save Will whenever Lonnie sold off his son to buy dr*gs. It's why there is still a cola next the cherry in the 7-Eleven. Coca-Cola or just coke. Other sources also say that a Strawberry is a woman who willingly sells se*ual favors to buy dr*gs. (although willingly is hardly the word I would use here)

In the beginning of the first season El could barely speak and was more like a child who didn't understand anything. This was also done for her protection throughout the years I think. The less she understood what happened, the better it is for her (or so the reasoning goes)

But she still understood the most important part

[procyonloser]

(apple pie? IDK what to call it. LuciLiliAdaEve)

Lucifer walked into the bedroom to find Adam sitting on the bed, face red and eyes slightly glassy; with Lilith sitting in a chair in front of him. Lucifer paused, not having expected to see Adam in his home at all, let alone in his bedroom.

"I'm shocked you've lasted so long," Lilith told Adam, much to his apparent pleasure. Adam put on a wide smile, puffing out his chest some, though he didn't have much muscle there.

"I know, I'm the best. Have I beat your time yet?" Adam asked Lilith, and she shook her head, and his face fell some.

"Not quite yet, but you're so close, Adam. I never thought it possible for you." Lilith said, seemingly handing over some kind of compliment in order to make Adam preen more than he already tended to.

"Oh, you're home, Luci." Eve came out of the bathroom, entirely nude, though she just had a tendency to do that in the manor (usually just here, though what was anyone going to say to the consort of the king?) She wrapped her arms around Lucifer's neck, leaning down to peck him on the lips as she pressed her body against his.

"What exactly is happening here?" Lucifer asked in confusion, glancing back at Adam. The man was chewing on his lower lip, eyes closed in concentration, but his face was still flushed a beautiful red. Lucifer had wanted for centuries to see Adam looking like that in his bed, but he'd never really picked up on his hints.

"Adam came down with some Heaven business, and one thing led to another." Eve said in her usual sweet voice, but her eyes flooded red as she spoke, and she rubbed up against Lucifer a bit closer, breasts against his chest. "Lilith told Adam that she and I competed against one another to see who was the best human in Eden, and we tested it by seeing which of us could last the longest with a fun little buzzing toy from Ozzie inside us."

Lucifer's hands ran down her bare hips, as the words processed through his mind. "You did? And I wasn't there to watch?"

Eve laughed softly, kissing his forehead with a happy smile on her plump lips. "Nope, but Adam thinks we did, so he's trying to prove he's the best human."

Lucifer glanced back at Adam with renewed interest and shock. "You mean he's got-"

Eve's smile turned sharp and horns began to curl out of her head. "He's never been particularly bright, has he?"

"Fuck," Adam cursed from the bed, leaning back on his hands, breathing hard, and clearly trying not to buck his hips. Lucifer could see the tent in his robes, that looked stained darker where they were likely soaked and wet; he licked his lips, understanding why Eve had undressed.

"How much fucking longer?" Adam nearly pleaded, looking at Lilith, who was clearly having the time of her life torturing the poor man.

"Just a bit, but you know how women are, don't you, Adam?" Lilith said, unable to fully keep a teasing tone out of her voice. "You know, what might help you last longer? Taking off your robes... Any small feeling of your clothes brushing against your bare skin, against your nipples, it must be agony."

Adam panted, nodding his head as she spoke. He reached down, and started to pull his robes off. Eve was quick to leave Lucifer's side, practically skipping over to crawl on the bed beside him, helping Adam tug off the last of it. Lilith was thin and lithe with curves, Eve was thinner still, but shorter than either Lilith or Adam. But Adam, Adam was soft and thick, his erection pressed against his rounded belly, and his thighs were at least the width of Eve's waist. His upper body was a bit thinner, such seemed to be the case for all the Eden bunch, but his chest also carried some weight to it, looking larger a cup size than Eve had, and his nipples were puffy and a duskier shade than the girls carried.

Lucifer had to stop himself from ripping out a chunk of the wall the moment he saw that Adam already had his nipples pierced, a golden chain hanging between them. But more gold caught his eye - was that a belly button piercing?

"Ah, you made good on our last bet." Lilith mused, and Eve reached over with a wicked look on her face, tugging on the chair. Adam mewled, practically curling in on himself and showing off another feature neither woman had - wings. He was the only true angel left in the room.

"I'm no coward," Adam hissed up at her, face fully red, but quickly shot Eve a look as she tugged again on his piercings. "Stop, this is fucking cheating."

"Not really," Lilith said calmly. "Eve and I were, of course, trying to make the other lose. We used everything we had, our fingers, our tongues..."

Eve ran her long snaked tongue along Adam's throat, watching his adam's apple bob in his throat. Adam whimpered, closing his eyes, and Lucifer didn't think he'd take long.

"The loser had to get creampied, isn't that right, Lucifer?" Eve said, nipping at his shoulder, and Adam's eyes widened in shock, swinging his eyes onto the devil like it was the first time he fully noticed him in the room.

"I don't-" Adam stumbled over his words, focused on Lucifer. "I can't, I'm an angel."

With that, he shook and splattered white onto his own stomach and thighs, painting his piercing. Adam fell down flat onto the bed, breathing hard, muscles in his legs still twitching.

"Ah, too bad." Lilith hummed from her spot. "You didn't beat either of our times. You'll have to take Lucifer now."

[minkkumaz]

KISSING IN CARS

you thought breaking up with felix was the hardest thing you've ever done. what was even harder was thinking about a future without him. but second chances won't leave you alone.

PIERCE THE VEIL series

PAIRING lee felix x gn!reader WC 1.3k TAGS exes to lovers trope. mutual pining. angst. fluff. right person wrong time, until it's the right time again. kissing. OMI NOTE this is my first time writing for felix and i'm quivering in my boots idk however i hope that it pleases the audience.

the stupid lego venom keychain that was deserted on your marble countertops was a constant reminder that felix was no longer yours. everything about him was right, but you both were too young, and he had such a gorgeous world in store for him.

reminiscing about waking up next to him in the morning came often. it was the first time you had properly seen love in front of you. tracing the freckles littered on his face, waiting for the deep brown of his eyes to welcome you in the morning.

he was beautiful, so fucking beautiful. each strand of hair falling perfectly against his fair skin, tickling your face whenever you got too close. the feeling of his breath against your lips, warning you before he would close the gap.

then, you thought there was faith in your love. you both were equally as hopeful that things would work out. but when it didn’t, it only made you more aware that while he was the best person for you, it wasn’t the right time.

cards never played out in your favor, hence why you still sat with a broken heart months, almost a year later. 

moving on was proved impossible when his face was plastered on every billboard imaginable. the fond smile he never lost as he stood amongst seven other men. you’d be lying if you said that some of his songs weren’t on loop for you, it made everything seem so much more real.

it wasn’t much of therapy, but more or less a desperate plea to not forget about him or his voice. but how could you? 

their discography played from your cheap earbuds as you left the house for the first time in maybe a week. your fridge was seemingly getting emptier and emptier, so you figured it was about time you went grocery shopping. 

the sound of your shoes against the concrete echoed around you. you took a quick walk down to the parking structure of your apartment building, drowning out any other noise. when your car finally came into view, there was a familiar one parked right next to you.

at first, you didn’t give it much thought. maybe one of your neighbors invested in a new vehicle, probably to impress their significant others. 

yet when you walked closer, you saw a blonde headed boy pulling the keys out of the ignition. everything froze for a moment, enabling you to drop your bag on the floor in shock. 

he heard the noise, looking behind himself to see where it was coming from. when he saw you in all your glory, visibly shaken up from him being there, his expression softened. 

you pinched your arm in the middle of all of this, unable to believe that this was real. but it was, and felix was opening his car door to come see you for the first time since the break up.

“hi, y/n.” he greeted you breathlessly, moving to be face to face with you.

“felix.. what are you doing here i–” your words were interrupted by a hug, the scent of warm floral englufing  you.

“i’m going to be in town for the next month for so, and i had to see you.” he told you.

“i don’t understand, i thought i was never going to see you again. we broke up, don’t you remember?” you stutter out.

“how could i forget one of the hardest days of my life? i just want to talk for a bit if.. that’s okay with you.”

“of course felix. but– i don’t think a parking structure is the greatest place to talk.” your lips pull into a slight smile to shield the ache in your heart. you missed him, a lot.

“let’s go to our spot then.”

music played out the windows of a car you remember taking the longest drives in. the ride was barely awkward for the short time it lasted. it felt like you were dancing on clouds in the comfort of his presence. it was something that you valued about him so much, his ability to make anyone feel relaxed by just being there.

every song was something that reminded you of your past relationship with him. all of it was too similar to the past, and part of it scared you. would it be selfish to think that you were running through his mind as well?

the car pulled into a secluded parking lot, shadowed by large trees. there was a long river ahead of you, the sunset glistening across the waters. he always took you to this place when you needed to forget about your troubles.

“i haven’t been to this place in forever, reminds me so much of us.” he mentioned, letting his hand hang out of the window.

“would you believe me if i said that i didn’t come here every day after we split?” you mumble under your breath.

“it always helped get stress off of your mind, i wouldn’t blame you at all.” he laughs lightheartedly, “but i kinda wanted to talk to you about that.”

“about what?”

“about us. i never stopped thinking about you if i’m going to be honest.” he confessed to you.

“not once..?” you asked hesitantly.

“it was impossible, the idea of a second chance wouldn’t leave me alone.”

“you can’t say that to me, felix. it makes it so much harder to get over you. our future together was just a few heartbeats away from disaster.”

“but i don’t want you to, y/n. my schedule has gotten so much more manageable, and i feel like now i’m in a place to give you the love that you deserve.” he looks over to you, resting his hand on top of yours delicately.

“felix, we can’t. you’re too young to be stressing about–” 

“there’s no such thing as too young, i had to scream it at the top of my lungs to realize that.” he pleaded with you, “i’m afraid that i threw you away too fast, without even trying to make it work.”

“you’re crazy, sun.” you sigh, letting your fingers intertwine with his and squeezing lightly.

“you haven’t called me sun since we were together.” he smiles bright enough to light up the vehicle.

“maybe i had a hard time letting go as well.” 

the sun barely peaked over the horizon, but for what it was, it gingerly highlighted him. he still looked like he had something more to tell you, lips mouthing nothing in particular. 

felix leans over the center console to capture a fallen piece of hair, blending it into the rest in an attempt to get his hand on the side of your face. his cold fingertips rested on your neck, with one other finger on your cheek and another on your chin.

you let him hold your face for awhile, basking in the temperature rise to an unbearable heat. he truly was so similar to the sun.

“can i kiss you? please?” he asks gently, scared of making you uncomfortable. 

all you respond with is a slight nod, too caught up to use your words. it wasn’t long before his face was mere centimeters from yours, looking up to your eyes, then your lips. and finally, the gap closed to trap you in a kiss that you haven’t felt in awhile.

one of your hands tremble in his, scared that this won’t last forever. scared that he’ll leave again and things won’t work out.

but the way he deepened the kiss made all these worries subside for a little while. it was romantic, and made you feel whole again. red and orange hues from the sunset flashed through the the wind shield. not once did he pull away, scared of losing you in the midst of it all. 

you tapped lightly on his adams apple, desperate for some kind of air. when he removed his lips from yours, you recollected yourself.

he looked worried, lips sore and wet from trying to swallow you whole, but you gave him a reassuring smile. 

“damn, you kind of took my breath away.” you giggle in between breaths.

“i just didn’t want to let you go.”

“you have me now, felix. we’ll make this work.”

© 2023 minkkumaz, all rights reserved support your writers by reblogging + giving feedback! it is greatly encouraged and appreciated. thank you! → why feedback + reblogging is so important. ~ (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡ if you'd like, donate to minkkumaz !

PIERCE THE VEIL series

[drowninglilys]

I saw a lot of people talking about this on twt and I wanted to share my own analysis of Armins SA and how it relates to Mikasa’s own trauma

While it is true that the only character that confronts him is Jean, I would argue that the one soul to truly understand his pain is the one who has lived it; Mikasa Ackerman.

In the manga, we are shown various reactions when it comes to his SA. Jean being the well raised kid he is, knows it’s immoral what happened to his friend, Sasha and Connie being uneducated teenagers, laugh at the whole expense, Eren who is becoming more apathetic by the day, can’t feel anything nor does he know, Historia is just happy it’s not her. I don’t blame her. It would have been had she been in that situation.

The longest we get to an interaction with another character who went through the similar experience happens to be Armin’s best friend and the only other character to experience this treatment as a child and at the hands of child predators who go “against their nature” IE: The man in season three ep 1 saying Armin changed him and the two kidnappers who are usually against selling children for profit. It’s important to note that it’s not Jean who Armin talks to, it’s instead Mikasa despite Mikasa not being the one who Armin was protecting when he fired the gun. Why? Because they are very similar characters to this regard. Both had their humanities and their innocence stolen in one afternoon and yet ended up committing acts of great violence to combat those horrific experiences

Often times, when trauma happens to someone in front of you-especially if you have suffered a similar one- your first instinct is to push the memory out of your head by either laughing about it, ignoring it or making an off handed sarcastic comment that betrays how you really feel. Mikasa is shown in the anime to witness this. It’s important to note her expression as she does so. It’s much similar to that when she was a child- almost as if she’s reverting back to the same day. I find it weird that a lot of fans don’t see this connection. Everything about it is the same, down to the very shade of her eyes.

It also certainly doesn’t help that both Armin and Mikasa have a “freeze” expression on their faces. Armin is shown to be visibly crying but he’s unable to speak or defend himself. Mikasa isn’t crying in this picture but she was at first in a state of shock when it happened. I find it deeply upsetting that Am’s response to trauma is to freeze rather than fight or flight. It’s what makes their dynamic all the more impactful.

anyways, in the manga we cut to Armin alone and he is asking Mikasa through tears if “she went through the same thing”. People have pointed out that he is talking about the life he took in order to save Jean; similar to Mikasa and the lives she took in order to save Eren. Some have pointed out if he knew about her potential kidnapping that day (I do think she would tell him. She trusts him the most. Even more than Eren.) But I think it’s a combination of both aside from the fact that he very well could have seen her through the window. It seems like Mikasa knows what he means when he asks if it happened to her and accepts that he doesn’t need to apologize for his own SA. He isn’t responsible for what happened to him despite the man setting up homophobic rhetoric to be used against him. After Armin is victim blamed for the entirety of these two chapters, it’s Mikasa who embraces him and tells him “it’s ok.” Because that’s all you can tell a fellow survivor; that it’s ok because you have been there.

What I find so fascinating is we see Mikasa being more protective over Armin in the later chapters especially when Levi confronts him about the murder he’s done. Especially the frame work of words she uses “why would you say that?” Insinuating that how could he say that about someone who has gone through the worst trauma a child could go through and accept the type of person he is. A monster, in humane and filthy. A direct parallel to the way SA survivors especially children feel at the hands of their perpetrators.

Funnily enough, I find some of Armin’s words describing himself to be very similar to how Mikasa is described. By Annie and by her superiors. “A beast” and “the solider worth a hundred”. Almost like these two had to shed their innocence and become monsters because the world allowed for no other way for them to find closure.

The over arching point of this post is to not only draw parallels to how these two characters faced similar traumas and how Mikasa is perhaps the only one to truly understand Armin in this scenario, but how in tune both Armin and Mikasa are with each other. Especially Mikasa. I would argue it’s Mikasa that understands him the most because he is the only one she can be truly open and honest with and not only vulnerable but inspirational when he feels like he’s given up hope. She knows he spirals into a fit of self loathing and it’s her call to action that causes him to fight once again. If there hadn’t been Mikasa to fight for him- Armin would have been a catatonic mess.

Then she stops him from ending his own life knowing that nothing good comes from wishing things were better or throwing yourself away for the sake of your own worthlessness. She knows because she’s tried to do it herself just a few scenes ago. The “I won’t leave you here” is so important because here is this girl who is so focused on her own personal journey of strength completely revaluate her own goals once she saw the same self sacrifice happen to someone she loves dearly. She is still saying she won’t leave something behind but this time it’s a person and that person happens to be her best friend. The bottom line is, she will never leave those weak to defend themselves behind, she’ll never try to take her own life because Armin would be lost without her. She loves him too much to ever let anything bad happen to him.

That’s why his SA is so hurtful for her and leaves her speechless, she simply doesn’t know what to tell someone she’s failed to protect. So she tells him the only thing she can; “it’s ok.” It’s heartbreaking, but beautiful and the only thing you can tell yourself when you get SA’d as a child; That it’s ok. It will be if it’s meant to be. It’s ok for Armin because she’s here for him and that’s all that matters is that she cares and she loves him no matter what. He’s valid and she is. It’s all ok.

[rjthirsty]

Bound Forever

Gilbert/Reader Roderic/Reader

Words: 2k

CW: Major Character Death. Angst. Tragedy. Grief. Smut. Route Spoilers.

A/N: @scummy-writes did a piece on Gilbert dying called Normalcy Bias that inspired this piece. We've spoken at length about our Gil headcanons, and I admire her as a writer, so I wanted to give myself a chance to mimic the depth of emotion I read in her works. I'm honestly hoping to cause some tears with this.

Gilbert had disappeared again.

It was always terrifying when he vanished, because you knew the only reason he had for leaving without saying a word - he was unwell. Like a wounded or sick animal, Gil removed himself from the palace to find a place he could rest until either he felt better or he perished. Thankfully he had always returned, but you still hated every time he left, feeling helpless and worried sick that you might not see him again.

Walter knew before you did. He always knew when Gil left, but he wasn't allowed to say anything. That, in itself, was a giveaway on why you couldn't find your husband. Just looking at Walter these days answered the question for you since you had danced this routine enough times to know when Gil had told him to keep things from you. Today, Walter refused to make eye contact with you when you visited his office in the medical ward, pretending like he didn't see you enter. You didn't even need to ask. That was enough.

Roderic knew, though he didn't know where Gil ran off to, or even if it was the same location each time. Walter was likely the only one who truly knew where Gil was. Roderic was painfully aware whenever Gilbert disappeared, scared that his master - his friend - would never return. Since you became a part of their lives, Roderic would stay with you on those long days that Gil vanished and the two of you would hold hands and try to keep each other's minds off the possibility. Neither of you wanted to voice that possibility.

As night fell, the black castle felt darker and more hollow without Gilbert's presence. Alone in your shared room, you restlessly waited for your husband's return. Some absences would span a few days, some only a few hours. Today turned to tomorrow, and a sleepless night passed you by with still no word from him.

Another day with Roderic for company. Another attempt to keep your thoughts from spiraling to the worst case. Perhaps baking would help. Gil could return to an abundance of sweets and maybe, just maybe he'll understand how hard it is for you when he goes off like this.

Another dusk leaving you alone with your fears for company in your shared room. Another sleepless night. Another morning that looks more gray than the previous. Three days was the longest he had ever spent away. It had only been two. There was still hope he would return, though that hope was a candle in the fury of a storm right now, barely keeping lit.

“You need to sleep.” Walter scolded.

“I want to see him as soon as he comes home.” It was a silly reason to keep yourself from sleeping, but even if you attempted to rest, you'd be haunted by the thought of him dying somewhere alone. He was alone right now. Alone and sick.

“I'll wake you when he gets back.” Roderic offered.

You're tired. A short rest would be good for you, but… “I'm scared.”

The tears start falling as you hug yourself. Walter looks away, cursing Gilbert for putting you through this. Roderic watches you, unable to offer any assurances. He's scared, too.

Laying on the large bed you share with your husband, it feels so cold and empty. The sunshine doesn't touch here even with the curtains opened. Your pillow is wet from your tears. You can't seem to quell them.

“I'll be right outside,” Roderic promises.

What good would that do? You're still alone in this large room. Exhaustion weighs your eyelids down until you fall into darkness.

You wake into darkness. The large windows are filled with the night sky. The room has no candles nor lamps lit. A shadow stands near the bed, far enough that his presence is hidden but the dull, midnight light from the sky beyond the windows outlines his form. His black hair shines like obsidian and you draw in a sharp breath.

“Gil?” You whisper his name, fearful that the slightest noise would wake you from this dream and he would fade away like an apparition.

He doesn't answer. He's not really there. Again tears well in your eyes and stream down your cheeks.

“Don't cry, Little Rabbit.” He steps towards the bed, out of the shadows. “Did you miss me that much?”

His red eye gleams from the starlight. His smile is perfectly placed. Now that he's closer you can see the layers he's wearing, still in his cloak, he must have just arrived. You glance towards the door, wondering why Roderic didn't wake you. The closed door gives no answers, though it is clearly late so perhaps he went to bed.

Throwing the blankets off, you jump out of bed and run to your love. You throw your arms around him and nuzzle into his chest and the tears come faster. “Yes, I missed you that much!”

Shakily drawing in breaths between your outpouring of feelings and the sobs you try to swallow down, you continue as you cling to him. “Everytime you leave like that I don't know if I'm ever going to see you again! It's been three days! I thought the worst and I couldn't sleep and you can't keep doing this to me!”

Slowly, Gil's arms wrap and you. Gently, he rubs circles on your back to soothe you. He leans down to softly drop a warm kiss to your forehead. He has no words to comfort you. He makes no promises. He never does.

“That was the last time.”

Except, this time he does.

He's warm in your arms.

You draw back as the horrible realization hits you. Looking up into his single red eye that holds more emotions than Gil ever expressed, you take a step backwards. Shaking your head as if it would do any good to convince yourself this wasn't happening, you back up another step.

“No no no. No. Please. No!” A third step has you stumbling into the bed, falling onto it. You can't even feel your legs anymore.

The man posing as Gilbert slowly came closer. The man who hadn't woke you on your husband's return, because he had never returned. Roderic delicately cups your jaw. Warm hands. He wipes your tears, even as new ones fall. Warm fingers. He speaks in such a sweet voice. A voice you love. “It's alright, Little Rabbit. You won't have to miss me ever again.”

Grief so deep you never thought possible drowns your heart and sobs wrack you. Warm lips kiss your eyes as your pain pours out.

Somehow he was on the bed next to you and you fall against his shoulder. Warm arms hold you close.

He murmurs words of affection and hushes soothing encouragement. And when your sobs finally die down to hiccups and gasps and shuddering breaths, you find a handkerchief already in hand to help clean your face. He guides you through the movements you are too numb to manage on your own.

His lips touch the corner of your mouth. Dazed, you turn towards him and your husband's face looks so forlorn. Fingers touch below your chin, lifting it for lips once again to touch yours. So soft. A slow blink from you and you find your voice.

“Roderic–”

“Gil.” He corrects, and the offer is so tempting.

You knew this was always the plan. You hoped it would be a long time from now, and you had pushed it from your mind. But the time has come and now… it would be so easy to close your eyes and pretend it was all a bad dream.

“Gil.” You repeat, your eyelids falling close.

“That's right, Little Rabbit.”

It's his voice that gusts across your lips. 

A nibble on your bottom lip and a longing sigh rises from your throat. It's his teeth that catches you, so familiar in pain and pleasure.

His tongue touches yours and you can almost believe that he's still there with you. Your mouths move together, chasing the memory of the man you love through clumsy movements that aren't quite right.

It hurts so much. Your chest aches and head throbs and you just want to forget. 

Fingers find clasps, and pull ties, and brush clothing from both of your bodies. Were they yours or his? Does it matter?

Teeth sink into flesh and tongue soothes the pain and your body responds to the training you've endured to appreciate the way his love feels on you. Marks blossom on your skin from his mouth that burns too hot.

Your eyes burn, tears forming between eyelids squeezed tight.

Your chest burns, bleeding out from the inside.

Your groin burns, desire whispering sweetly that if you just let go it'll be alright.

Think of him.

Think of him.

It hurts so, so much.

Your fingers tangle in his hair. His fingers push inside of you. You cry out his name as he rubs along your inner walls, exploring you for the first time, finding the places that cause you to buck into his hand and whimper and moan.

He learns quickly. He has always known.

New overlaps with old as your husband touches on memories from times before. Building that sweet ache in the pit of your belly. Causing your cunt to throb and drip making lewd sounds that your lusty moans overshadow.

You're on your back and he's over you. When did you lie down? He pulls his fingers out of you and you whimper in frustration. You were so close to covering the hurt in your heart with the pleasure of climax and he snatched it away.

He's gone.

A single sob breaks between your gasping breaths. Tears brim again between your closed eyelids. They fall hot, so hot down the sides of your face. You're empty. Alone.

His cock touches your wet folds and you crack your eyes to see your lover with damp lashes. He looks away and buries his face in your neck as he buries his cock inside of you. Your back arches and thighs cling to his hips, as he clings to you with strong arms and roaming hands.

He pumps into you and you can't help but rock with him to squeeze and drag and churn his dick inside of you. Fingers digging into his back. Nails biting skin. He gasps and whimpers and moans near your ear. You love to hear him. His teeth dig into you. It hurts so good.

You're not alone. Your voice grows louder. He's relentless. Pounding your sex and knocking every moan out of you. Biting you again, and again, and again. Your cunt clenching tight as the pressure in your pelvis reaches a tipping point.

His thrusts turn too eager. His rhythm lopes out of pace. But you're so, so close! Please! Just– “Ah! Gil!” His hot hands grip your hips and he slams into you finding his rhythm again and he moans and heat and orgasm and shivers and spasms snap through you.

Your thoughts go blank, flooded with relief from the throbbing from before. Euphoria washes over you, wave after wave as your cunt continues to clench sending another crashing over you, then another. Gil slowed down his pumping to ride out the squeezing milking his cock. And just as you finally thought you were coming to the end of your climax, Gil thrusts deeper, his pelvis flush against yours, trying to push further still as he spills his seed into you.

You gasp. He breathes heavily on top of you. You hold him pressed against you– too hot. So hot. He's stifling. He clings to you. He needs you to smother his own pain. Pain you understand because the both of you share it. Pain neither of you can ever talk about.

He's gone. The two of you are together but his absence in this room you share with your husband is felt, as if there was a void that could never be filled. You hold each other, your hearts bleeding for the same person. Silent tears will be shed and it hurts. So. So. Much.