#and i guess technically its true
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Mukuro Ikusaba,they could never make me hate you
#apoca.log#danganronpa#danganposting#thh#mukuro ikusaba#dr 0#like i watched the fandub of DR:IF the other day#it's free on youtube go watch it now!#and oooh my goood#spoilers ahead#its sooo fucked how even when she betrays junko#she does so aiming to bring her despair#in the same way she aims to bring makoto and the others hope#the novel describes it as her being neither hope or despair#and i guess technically its true#the way i would describe it is#junko is the yin makoto is the yang and mukuro is the force that helps them continue to spin around each other#also the way she is literally just like a fucking teen#and the reason why junko is able to insult and belittle her the way she does is because mukuro isn't just a killing machine#but a socially awkward teen girl that loves her sister#and is willing to take that abuse as a form of love#because junko DOES do that to people she loves#because their misery is her misery#but you can also see points where she is legit pissed off at mukuro#dissapointed as she puts it#and how that ties into her boredom#uuuughh#both of these girls are sooo interesting#but only junko gets talked about#because the most we see of mukuro is in spinoff materials
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yeah i agree with your point about survival mechanics and i feel the same way about the lack of combat mechanics. "why would an educated city doctor need a weapon" because shit is hitting the fan in every way impossible and pretty much everyone is walking around armed... also why am i supposed to believe the the fact that he's a man of intellect will somehow provide him with food? i don't think anyone is going to be too eager to share food during an outbreak intellectual or not...
+ follow up for the previous ask but actually my favorite quest from the original pathologic is the day 11 bachelor quest that involves shooting down soldiers. i think it really drives the point home about how this random fuckass guy who is supposed to be battling a plague doesn't even have the time to do that anymore because the people in charge are asking completely irrelevant things of him now and he's at a position where he cannot refuse what is being asked of him. like i think it was good storytelling that even as the guy who lowkey wants to deal with the plague and solve its mystery you still have other, more pressing, less interesting and or pleasant tasks to complete
i agree! honestly, i feel this way about the combat mechanics even more than i do about the physical survival (food, health, illness, sleep) mechanics. because sure, i can see how it makes sense for daniil's position of authority to mean that his basic needs are somewhat provided for -- although i don't think it makes more sense than what we got in the original game. i've never seen anyone bring up "isn't it kind of unrealistic that the bachelor isn't given lots of food during a massive food shortage?" as a plothole that needed to be resolved. the townspeople generally don't like him much, and most of the people with power don't either, except for the kains. sure, maybe it's kind of weird that you can go see the kains while broke and on the verge of keeling over from hunger, and they won't do anything to help you, but... the kains are pretty self-centered, and they're so goddamn weird that maybe they forget that you need to eat food to live anyway. and it's half-implied that the powers that be are ultimately giving daniil this role as a convenient way to kill him, so it makes sense that they would put no pressure on the town authorities to keep him alive.
(and honestly, artemy is taken under the olgimsky's auspices as much as the kains take daniil's under theirs! which is to say, selfishly, with ulterior motives that are more important to them than the well-being of their healer, but... the olgimskys are set up as the wealthiest of the 3 families financially, as well as the ones with the most access to food, given their control over the meat industry. so if anything it's "weirder" that artemy isn't more materially provided for, though to be clear i don't think there's an actual plothole there either way.)
but anyway, you could handwave it and say that daniil's position of privilege and authority gives him more perks than he got in the original game, but the amount of fighting you have to do to get through town is... kind of an unavoidable physical reality? like you're given so many sidequests that you often wind up walking around town after dark, and that's when the bandits come out. is the idea that the bandits would be too scared to attack him because he's so important? because that doesn't make a lot of sense to me, and even pathologic 2 establishes that he's seen as a valuable target by the bandits:
and then there's the quests where combat plays a more direct role in the story itself, like getting involved in saving andrey from the firing squad, or killing guards to break artemy out of prison, or the quest where you have to kill var in attempt to stop the arsonists (which i include on the same tier as the other ones because i really like the quest journal entry he has if you complete it where he blames himself for willow's death. it's a good character moment.)
hell, even in pathologic 2 itself, one of the biggest Bachelor Moments is on day 11, when you have that big dramatic convo with him after he killed a soldier for the papers he was delivering. plus one of bad grief's idle dialogues in patho 2 is commentary on the bachelor being "quick on the draw" and that he "already shot someone". like he just straight up is not living a combat-free existence. and overall, combat isn't just a good tool from a mechanical perspective, heightening the stakes and placing pressure on the player (though it is), it's also pretty important for him on a thematic level imo, almost as important as artemy and his "rivers of blood". in patho classic, daniil has this early interaction with the inquisitor:
which, thinking about it from a doylist perspective, was probably the writers' attempt to make it sound more plausible that this random medical researcher from the big city was competent with multiple types of guns. and i appreciate them coming up with that hint of backstory to cover their bases a bit, but with those bases covered, i think the fact that daniil ultimately spends more time shooting people than he does prescribing medicines for them actually does a lot for him thematically? i mean, if his whole thing is that he's this "tempted destroyer", someone who frames his career as a combative battle with death rather than a quest to save people's lives, whose "default" solution is to raze the town with artillery because he's too limited by his rationalist worldview and military upbringing (and bitterness over being manipulated and sabotaged) to come up with a solution that saves the any remaining infected survivors on his own. plus the way that clara frames artemy and daniil as two sides of the same coin in being violent destroyers and killers, who without player intervention will immediately devolve to running around chasing each other down in what's either an insanely dedicated tom and jerry LARP or some really elaborate foreplay. imo, that whole dichotomy (which is pretty core to the game, as the idea of dichotomies are core to it in general) works so much better with the way they're both presented in classic, stalking around with gun/scalpel in hand. hell, not to mention the effect that spending 12 in-game days trying not to starve and getting killed by bandits or guards or worms or soldiers every day would have on the player, and the way it would make them feel about the town and their natural projection of those feelings onto dankovsky, who is a perfectly fitting vessel for them as the avatar actually undergoing those virtual experiences.
ultimately i think they are mainly going this direction out of a desire to do something more creative and original, which is fine... it just seems a bit silly to me that they keep saying "well obviously that doesn't really work for the bachelor's scenario", when, well... even as recently as patho 2 in 2019, they seemed to think it fit his narrative pretty well! i'm also guessing that a lack of combat won't be that bandits are just no longer roaming the streets at night. it sounds more like pathologic 3 is set to be more of a nonlinear experience, where you'll probably fast travel from place to place instead of having to walk across town so much? so you'll be avoiding bandits just in the sense that the gameplay will be avoiding them. i guess i'm hoping that at the very least, there's still the implication of the crunch of not getting enough sleep or food and the threat of being stabbed to death while trying to get through town occurring to dankovsky in the background, even if those mechanics are deemphasized in favor of more macro-level town resource management, time control, and sherlock holmes fruit ninja or whatever the hell they were on about back in 2022 lmao.
#pathologic 3#i probably sound insane talking about pathologic 3 i'm like pleaaaaase let there still be violence in it 🥺#and tbf i dont think thats going to be a major lacking area; they're stringing up 12 year olds like party streamers in the fucking trailer!#but even before the trailer came out i was like i think its important that he still has to kill some people honestly...#my other wishlist thing is that i hope there's still moments where he gets btfo'd and it fades to black.#like the moment with the guards in the cemetery when you try to desecrate a grave or with the termitary on day 8#or with the soldiers on day 11 if you try to talk to them about andrey instead of reading a walkthrough and killing them in advance LOL#there's like 1 similar moment in artemy's route (when he gets put in jail) but i think its funny how much more often that happens to daniil#bro keeps getting his ass beat. and i hope it continues#on an upside i guess if they really are removing all combat it might bring a wider audience who hadnt played until now?#like i play plenty of combat-heavy games but a lot of times i get bored of it and a game having none of it is a selling point to me#like when i first heard about disco elysium it was marketed as this really cool game that had no combat and that's half of why i picked up#and tbh technically that wasn't true about disco but yeah...#also thanks for the ask!!!!#patho meta#mine#asks#pathologic
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more utypyrt doodles but we're getting real and suzy is there
also theoretical utpyrt flowey deltarune design. i think every theoretical flowey deltarune dark world design should be a farmer that is secretly a reaper. like yeah im just tillin the grounds, the grounds of the buried ones. or at least a reaper.
oh yeah also random flower buddy bc since he's technically both an object and a monster it would be cool if his flower part become a separate darkner. they're annoying. that's it. they serve as the actual health point/actual thing to damage. but they're so obnoxious that they're the target anyways.
#utpyrt#undertale#undertale au#ut au#flowey#frisk#monster kid#suzy undertale#susie deltarune <- technically#deltarune#deltarune spoilers#<- only for rebby. which one is rebby? who know-is the shadowy figure thats why bc roaring knight#rebby was always there before i played ch 3-4 but i decided to change her appearance a bit to like the roaring knight#but this isnt her true appearance#also no that is not kris deltarune in the upper right no its not#other wing face bird is not connected to rebby and is called skylar a former member of the waterfalls of justice#i will leave the rest to guessing because it is funny#premaposting
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Ok but, regarding TMAGP 27, I can't stop thinking about Jonah writing, after sending Archibald to a certain death, "It is done, and I am surprised to find how little remorse I feel." It reminds me of his statement in MAG 160:
"The discovery, not simply of the dark and horrible reality of the world in which you live, but that you would quite willingly doom that world and confine the billions in it to an eternity of terror and suffering, all to ensure your own happiness, to place yourself beyond pain and death and fear. (...) It is an awful thing to know about yourself."
I will never get tired of little details about his life being revealed (regardless of the timeline/dimension) because the parallel between his discovery of the supernatural world and the discovery of his own true self and the things he's capable of is so interesting and compelling to me.
Along with the knowledge of the horrors that exist in his world comes the horror of the realization that he might be capable of anything to stop feeling scared and vulnerable, to put himself over everybody else if necessary. Every time curiosity leads him into a new experiment, a new sacrifice in the name of knowledge, he lets go a little bit of himself and his morality. And then, as it happened with Archibald, and as it happened with Barnabas in another world, he feels surprised of how easy it was. Of how he doesn't feel regret or grief, how at most he finds himself thinking that it was all a pity. So it becomes even easier each time, he finds freedom in it, as he also mentions in MAG 160— and one sacrifice after another, it all becomes incredibly simple. There is no fear of losing himself, only the fear of death and pain remains, and only after that process of two hundreds years can one condemn the world for his own sake.
The progressive descent into evil of Jonah Magnus, slowly exposed through statements and letters, will never stop being one of the more interesting parts of this podcast imo.
#the magnus protocol#tmagp#jonah magnus#well sorry im now using my art blog for this i guess#this is probably conveyed extremely poorly but you know!! english is not is my first language so what can i do#not that im saying anything new i just love this sort of arc and story#specially if its slowlly narrated in the background through snippets but at the same time it's extremely important for the general plot#and themes of the story#thats my fromsoft poisoned brain for you#also i know theres some people pointing out that we technically dont know if the magnus in tmagp 27 is in fact jonah#but come on he's the magnus who founded that institute and has the same bitch personality#him not being jonah would be extremely cheap and deceptive#also “augustus is jonah” team please rise. this is what i've been saying ALL THE TIME#tmagp spoilers#oh one more thing#you could argue that there's no real “descent into evil” for jonah since he's a privileged guy in victorian england#who represents the opression of the ruling class#and the point is that he feels that he can trample all over other people because of that#thats a talk for another day lol#those are different interpretations but i believe they can be true at the same time#after all the capacity for evil was always within him thats the point i think#uuuh anyways good night
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ignoring the fact that the new x men comics exist honestly every comic after fall of x has been fanfiction to me, old comics are peak i’m eating those up!
when it comes to x-men specifically i feel like i havent heard anything super good.... oops....
#snap chats#i think my favorite idea for comics is that everything beyond the og writers' stories is fanfiction#and now we all sit here and talk about which fanfic is the best which. i think thats technically true vjELKEJAL BUT ANYWAY#solo runs of charas: good shit !!! so ive heard. our girls are Girling and i love it#i also heard From The Ashes was good too... i think it was From The Ashes anyway..#when it comes to mainline x-men tho i hope things clean up eventually....#i believe they will again we refer to the Its So Over/We're So Back Chart it'll just take time... and effort JVLKEJa#they're really going such a ??? direction with the comics tho but we'll see i guess..
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it turns out even a rudimentary understanding of another language is enough to read something technical in your field
#at the embassy there was this booklet in swedish. idk if its ALWAYS the point of that series#but that specific edition was about swedish learners overseas#i was getting maybe like. 60% at absolute most reading it#BUT! in the middle was an article that continued on#from an previous article about how they were choosing to represent a dialect in terms of sounds#and on the differences in grammar#the technical words were close enough to english that you can hazard a guess#idk if thats true of ALL languages. or if it depends on fields#but certainly it was true for english and swedish (both germanic lmao)
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heres my weird fringe theory about tadc anyway:
the amazing digital circus, as a game, doesnt exist and never did, because its a cartoon
idk if this makes any sense but im gonna try to word it. basically the idea is that the show is operating on whats gonna be a double-fakeout. we all know the characters are trapped in a game. and thats true enough for the characters. but they werent ever technically actually outside of it. because they are cartoon characters. and their backstory IS being humans. theyre not npcs (who are characterss in the cartoon that were also created within the fake game itself) and theyre still alive- but its not a game theyre trapped in, its a show
theyre all trapped in a show about being trapped in a video game, basically. they still technically 'were' humans in the sense that they have backstories built into them that they remember
my main 'evidence' for this (if you can call it that) is 2 things: gummigoo, and the shows official description
gummigoo as a character, in my theory, is going to mirror pomni. pomni does not know she is not real. but not npc not-real, which would be two layers of not real. shes just one layer of not-real. and her having gotten to know gummigoo serves as foreshadowing to her finding that out about herself
and then, theres the description of the offical tadc episode playlist:
"The Amazing Digital Circus is a psychological dark comedy about cute cartoon characters who hate their lives and want to leave 🎪😀"
basically, the theory just takes this INCREDIBLY literally. that the characters really are... just cartoon characters. and i guess 'trapped in a cartoon' isnt 100% fitting bc w this theory its less that theyre stuck in a cartoon and more that theyve always been a part of it. its just their life
that said the lore in-universe still exists- the game operates in this or that way, the only difference is that its not really a game doing that- just a cartoon based on games
and if this were the case, i dont think any of them know, not even caine. except jax
caine responds to an audience because he assumes theres a person on the other side of the computer. and maybe there is, if the cartoon included one. but jax, somehow, gained the knowledge that this was all a cartoon, and has decided to embrace it. he knows theres viewers, and doesnt care about hiding that
pomni just happens to be the 'newest character.' but in this theory im not actually sure if the show truly existed before she joined. maybe for like 51.5 seconds. or for trailers. but thats it. shes just the newest in their backstories and nothing more
#tadc#the amazing digital circus#yeah ill put that in the tag#ftr i dont think this theory is true#the evidence is flimsy and it is probably an extremely strange direction for the show to take#but i think about it sometimes#normally i dont like 'everything is fake twists' but i think if the events in the show itself#still existed to the characters in terms of it being an experience they had its not as annoying#like ftr even in this theory they still have effectively experienced everything#whether its a cartoon or a game theyre trapped in the experiences are still the same level of real to the characters#that part wouldnt change#its just the context surrounding how they got here that really changes#alternatively maybe they all have been trapped in the cartoon for a long time and pomni really IS the newest character#but that bends the theory in a strange way#but yeah. gummigoo is an interesting character in the show for what he can theoretically represent#im p sure it has more to do w giving pomni reassurance over whether or not something 'technically' being fake even matters#if you have people with you who care about you#but at a diff angle gummigoo could represent a much different change#anyway. this theory is weird#ask to tag#ig cus the theory itself is stemming on kinda existential stuff but idk how id tag that#existentialism#maybe?#but yea sorry for being matpat over here ik its a silly theory i just sometimes think about it for fun#i dont do anything w it its just smth i bounce around my head on occasion#also its silly but another reason im posting it is cus#i dont think this is true. theres def way more likely theories out there that arent this#but in the extremely small chance this ends up being true i wanna have proof that i guessed it early#circus discussion
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alright im back to queuing a bunch of art again woooooo 🩷🩷🩷
#lovspeaks#this is what happens when u have a backlog of comms to post from months ago and im only getting to queue them all now because#managing 3 social medias at the same time is true suffering#i guess its technically 5 and will soon be 6#but anywhere that has the ability to schedule posts i am now taking advantage of godspeed
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how do you guys on sportsblr surivive in the offseasons without a second sport to watch. the finals end and half the blogs on here go dormant until the next season. i would go insane without my second sport
#technically tennis is my main and hockey is my backup but thats only because the tennis szn is much longer lol#this is about hockeyblr but i guess its also true for other sports so i kept it vague#also its weird that theres like no sports at all in the summer. that seems like it should be prime sport time#its literally only baseball and tennis in the summer#sportsball
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So they didn't become void, they were "born" that way
In FaaF there are different species and kinds of higher beings (still a MASSIVE work in progress tbh, trying to figure out how these cunts work, but for now I'm thinking they're extremely rare species with far greater abilities and lifespans than a normal bug's that have a chance to ascend to true godhood (but even if they don't ascend that doesn't stop mortals from worshipping them as they're already very god-like from a normal bug's perspective)), "pale beings" being one of these kinds/mutations.
Well, there was also a different kind once, "void beings", but they all went extinct a very long time ago by the beginning of the story. Shade Lord was one, and last, of them and it lost its life in a fight with Radiance - the same fight that drove her to make her permanent residence in the dream realm out of her new-found fear of death (which backfired spectacularly ngl). Its body was buried in the Abyss, where it broke apart and decayed, or decayed as much as a non-living thing can, before it was unearthed many ages later by the pale wyrm.
Not much is known about them since they've been gone for so long, and the vessels are the only void beings remaining, but since they're not "pure" void beings it'd be foolish of anyone to assume that the ancient extinct species behaved the same way as these ones do. But they were generally greatly feared thanks to the void's freaky, dangerous properties, which partly lead to their extinction as some of the other higher beings purposefully attacked and killed them whenever they stumbled across one out of fear. Now the only thing remaining of them are the rare void sources, where their former bodies still refuse to fully die.
Shade Lord does get accidentally resurrected in the story bc of all the tomfoolery happening with its body before almost immediately getting killed again by Ghost who inherits its title and reign. Don't ask me how that works, haven't figured that out yet. Magic god shit or something idk LMAO
#thylacines can talk#faaf au#I read somewhere once that if we close mammoths they wouldn't be true mammoths but more like a mammoth elephant hybrid? Idk how accurate#that is but that's essentially what the vessels are. A hybrid species that behaves and looks a lot like the extinct one yet the differences#are significial enough that they're technically not the same thing. And since nobody knows how void beings were like its anyone's guess#which of their traits originated from Shade Lord. You know they could have probably asked it if it didn't want to violently take over#and kill all other gods in rage filled revenge. And then tried to kill its so called children when they didn't want to participate in that.#PK 🤝 SL 🤝 WL parent of the year award#The vessels can't have even ONE good parent sorry#Well SL is less of a parent and more of a...DNA donor? Its kidneys got stolen and turned into babies#Currently in FaaF Norel and PK we're the only ones who studied void so a lot of its properties and origins are a huge mystery. And PK#slowly stopped after the vessel plan began. After Flower/Pure Vessel was taken into the palace the extent of his studies revolved around#them and their health. He only created new moulds when the old ones got destroyed. Guilt played a big part in his reasons for that.#Norel would know a bit more simply because PK's source sample was limited while Norel travelled across wasteland looking for void and#experimented with different sources. And he was considerably more...unethical about them. So he probably knows what void does to a mortal's#body while PK doesn't know much about that bc he was careful to not give any of his citizens and staff void poisoning after he realised it#was dangerous. Also thinking about Norel once having a mole in the White Palace which is how he found out about Floeer and the origins of#vessels. And maybe said mole broke into PK's workshop and wrote down some things before leaving Hallownest 👀 Bc it does feel a little#weird for Norel to know more than PK just like that. And he's a little snake who WOULD steal other people's work.#Like I mentioned previously Norel makes his own constructs which is something I wanted dabble in. Maybe he stole that idea from PK? His#ones are far worse and fewer than PK's but they serve their purpose and he's just starting dabbling in that. By the time he shows his ugly#mug again to terrorise Flower's kids and grandkid he'd probably be MUCH better at that 👀#I love my fucked up little moth#My one true talent is getting wildly off topic whenever sh asks me about my as#Aus*
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the 'lost fight = bum" thing with powerscalers is SOOOO ANNOYING. Rn with Kashimo, and I saw similar w gojo when 236 dropped where dudebros saying shit like "he got low diff'd trash character" in the comments of stuff not even about powerscaling. Powerscalers act like it's illegal to enjoy a character after they lose a fight. The way they switch up on characters over exclusively loss/wins is such a painfully shallow and bland way to approach the story (and kind of ironic considering how strength is treated in the narrative...)💀
The thing that annoys me the most is that they refuse to think of anything happening in the story that leads to a character losing. Like even ignoring the elephant in the room of Kashimo because Gege practically gave us nothing when it comes to scaling his released form (I would have liked something, but I can also accept that him losing the way he did speaks more toward Sukuna's ability than it does Kashimo's), you have characters like Jogo that they'll call weak, when in reality he's incredibly powerful but had the misfortune of fighting the two strongest characters in the verse as his only showing. Does that mean he couldn't have mopped the floor with most of the characters in the series at the time? Absolutely not, but you'd never get that from the vacuum that most powerscalers seem to operate in.
As someone who enjoys deep diving into fights and the details of the power system, I find it incredibly boring and annoying to not consider any external factors when talking about a fight. There's so many seemingly little things that can lead to a character winning a fight that they shouldn't have from a purely ability-based perspective. Did they prep beforehand? How does their ability interact with their opponents? Are they getting help from another character or a tool? Are they being buffed or nerfed by anything prior to the fight? Are they injured? Were they caught by surprise? Etc, etc.
Take Toji, for example, who powerscalers love to hold up as a powerhouse probably more than he deserves. (Which isn't me saying he's weak, he isn't, but I feel like some people do overestimate him in terms of ability, despite how much the power ceiling has been raised since Shibuya.) Toji planned so much for his mission to kill Riko and his fight against Gojo. He used other sorcerers to wear Gojo out for three days straight before he felt comfortable to step in and still used cursed tools and curses on top of it. Does that mean he couldn't have done anything if Gojo was fresh at the time of their fight? No, but it certainly made it easier. Toji doesn't blow through Gojo as easy as he does without prep, but people will look at their fight without any additional info and use that as a definitive scale of where Toji is compared to everyone else in the verse.
I don't know, I have a lot (and I mean, a LOT) of issues with how a majority of the fandom talks about JJK that isn't just the issue of powerscaling, but at a point it becomes me beating my head against a wall with nothing to show for it but a headache. Like, if anyone wanted to read me rant for a couple thousand words, bring up the fandoms general perception of Sukuna being a bum despite the heaps of info that we have to the contrary. Even the most recent chapter highlighted how ridiculous he is in terms of strength and understanding of cursed energy and sheer ability, but people are still saying he only won because of Mahoraga.
At what point is it not worth it to argue with that? Cause there's always gonna be someone that's wrong and loud about it, but when that becomes the majority of fans about multiple aspects of the series, it starts to kill the enjoyment of the series for me. I don't like being in a state of seeing bullshit takes every time I try to engage with the fandom. It's tiring.
#the woes of jjk gaining a lot of popularity in the last two years i guess#my thing is: if you're gonna continuously blast your opinions out in the fandom spaces and expect people to agree with you#dont be consistently and provably wrong#maybe its because i write meta on top of sharing my general opinion#but its always so clear to me when ppl dont reread the manga at all before they shit talk a character or gege or the story as a whole#cause they'll say shit that just isn't true but people will latch on and repeat it so much#that it becomes generally accepted as true#that's mostly what i have a problem with lol#answers#meta answers#(sort of)#anon#jujutsu kaisen#jjk spoilers#(technically)
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when you accidentally refer to yourself with a new pronoun but it's too late at night to reflect on it
#I use 3rd person to refer to myself a lot#and just did a sentence in brain like “nothing scarier to a guy who's so scared of bugs he-” and forgot the rest of it#because he/him is very notably not a set of pronouns I typically use#except for “il” in french. I use “il/elle” in french because it's funky and “il” can technically be used as an expletive#(as in. it's used in similar ways to “it” in sentences like “its raining”)#so its got... not neutrality but a sense of general-ness that the explicitly feminine elle doesn't#but also I'm attached to she/her#so uh. guess I might be a they/she/he guy now#at least for english. still get the hives from הוא/אתה in hebrew in relation to myself#like not enough to coreect people and I do still introduce as “any pronouns” because saying “I dont care except he/him but only in hebrew”#is. technically true but also I dont super mind in hebrew either?#I have הם/אתם on my volunteer badges and in my phone case. but if people use other sets of pronouns I dont care#well. correction. dont care so long as they ask first. doing volunteering at con has my pronouns be more visible than anywhere else#esp since I do info stand shifts. so I'm talking to people a lot. and usually they stop right after saying hey#to check my pronouns before asking for whatever they needed#but sometimes people who HAVE their own stickers casually she/her me. for having long hair and being afab#which. again I don't mind. people she/her me at uni and at home a lot. its not uncomfortable or anything#but like. goddamn. I'm wearing an nb flag like a cape. the ppl who are clearly new I dont mind not asking but people who HAVE our stickers?#like. you need to know the stickers exist meaning youve BEEN to either con or the info stands before#you know what pronoun stickers are. take a look at mine before deciding to use a set of pronouns that isnt even on it#anyways uhh. yeah time to do some soul searching ig#goddamn. not a good time actually. Ive got homework and my niece is being born this week#too busy for gender crisis rn
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today has been the first day in like days i havent gone to sleep in the afternoon then continuously force myself to sleep throughout the night
#okay well its technically *tomorrow* today since its 12 am but when i wrote this post it was 11 50 pm. anyways#i hope that today is the day i break this cycle that has been going on for like a week and a few days#i cant even tell if ive been even more depressed/having a depressive episode anymore#ive been slacking when it comes to taking care of my body and keeping my room not a mess#but then again its already hard to do those things to begin with but its even more noticable since i keep ... just sleeping#bc “i dont have much to do/i dont know how to spend my time”#which well i guess thats kind of true since my social life isnt that good. i have no friends to talk too. but like also i need to start#doing my essays....... keeping up with my homework has just recently been harder bc most of it has been recently assigned writing stuff#i guess me having a depressive episode could be possible. especially since ive been more active on reddit now#okay that sounds ridiculous for me to say but i swear theres context. except not really bc i cant explain this#and i rlly hate that website and have been off that place for years but i always come back for a few months when i get#even more insecure about the lack of people i talk too...lol#tags are getting long.... i should have my own journal by technically tumblr is kind of like my journal#but nobody wants to hear this and i know that but i dont even know why i continue to say shit like this lol#and writing in an actual journal is . hard. to commit too for whatever reason#im not even sure if i even dare try journaling because it might just make me feel even more isolated? and lonely? idk.#okay bye... goodnight everyone. ill probably still be online but im doing. Things i guess#Its okay if anyone doesnt read this though but. Thanks if did read this.#sunny.txt
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hey. you are trying to kill me, personally?
tonight i am feeling unwell about [spins a wheel] [throws a dart] the fact that loop went and talked to the party in act 5. like realistically, at that point they had no reason to think siffrin wouldnt loop back when they died or reached the end. they could have just sat there and waited. i mean sif wouldve been fucked if they had because of mdp but loop didnt know about that at the time obviously
so like. with the knowledge they had at that point, it would be entirely reasonable for them to just wait and try to get through to sif again next loop. and yet. and yet and yet and yet. they went and talked to siffrins party. guided them through the house. to save siffrin. after the last thing siffrin said to them was curse you, loop
even knowing the party didnt recognize them. having to stay on the line with the people they loved more than anything, enough to trap themself in a time loop for years, people who didn't remember them, didn't remember any of the times theyd shared, any of the things that happened, people who didnt know them anymore
as painful as it must have been. they still did it. for siffrin. to save siffrin. even though they mustve thought it wouldnt change anything, wouldnt break the loops, wouldnt fix siffrins mental state. they still tried. to give him even just one more loop
and then at the end of it all they didnt even think that was worth thanking them for. even the smallest amount of gratitude they couldnt believe theyd be showed. for putting themself through that. for siffrin. i feel ill :thumbsup:
#/silly alfjkds but auugughhh#lies down. oh my god. ow#isat#isat spoilers#they wanted so very badly to be recognized. to be seen. to be KNOWN#even if they tried to hide their identity from siffrin i really do think a part of them WANTED him to figure it out#see: the way they dont deny it when u guess who they are correctly (and they DO deny every other option. except ghost really but thats also#technically sort of true. so)#see: all the things they say over the course of the game that give hints as to their identity#even if its just subconscious. part of them wanted to be known#obviously im really normal about this. of course
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augh english version of tcf novel is going to release soon...............i know theyre gonna call him alver.......must prepare myself for the psychic damage
#i knowwwww alberu is like. not technically correct like i know. i know in true english it would be alver#but i can not stand the name alver and will forever be calling him alberu in my head#does it not match the vibes of the rest of the names? obviously. i Do Not Care#alver is too close to alvin#i dont think alberu is gonna show up in the first vol anyways#maybe the third one#depends on how many chapters per book it is#and also how they divide the chapters bc the priginal novel is like almost 800 chapters but the chapters are typically divided into parts#so depends on if they keep that division or just consolidate each chapter name into one whole chapter instead of dividing it#or dividing it less idk#i have too many thoughts abt this#my biggest worry is that i will be blindsided by someone elses name and how they decided to spell it#this is like the hq manga all over again#i will never recover from seeing them call seijou blue castle#like im pretty sure thats what aobajousai means#but its so fucking weird to call them the english translation then just the japanese name im sorry 😭#or blue castle might be what seijou means idk im guessing#where was i going with this#oh yeah novel incoming 🥳#u know i never read the first few chapters?#at the time i found the manhwa first and ran out of chapters to read and went looking for the novel#and then i didnt want to reread what i just read in the webtoon so i figured out where it left off and just read from there#on the one hand good for me bc ive tried reading the first chapters before in an effort to reread the whole thing again#but the first chapters give me HEAVY second hand embarrassment#and also anxiety that someone will catch that cale is not who he is#but alas nobody figures it out until wayyy later and its the guy who literally doesnt care bc he didnt know og cale and the guy who ALSO tra#transmigrated#so its a non issue. i wonder if pt 2 is gonna reveal it. i would imagine it would? i dont actually know what chapter theyre on. i think almo#almost 400 by now which is fucking hilarious i hope ms author is staring at her word docs like how did it get so long again#michi tag
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honestly whenever i do remember my past i feel so disconnected from myself that its gard to believe those are my memories
#does this make sense at all#especially with memories that i havent thought of in years#and its like what. what. ehy did that even happen who did that#and of course im sure for the most part its just aging and disconnecting with the younger self i guess which sounds normal#i just find it hard to believe my memories are mine yet also know them to be technically true#thats not me tho#dunno who that is
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