#and it makes their insecurities way more understandable

[twilightofthesandwiches]

When I made that post about how Spamton and Tenna were probably both mimicking each other due to mutual jealousy, I mentioned by the end that, although both of them saw the other as having something they lack...

Spamton was, like, objectively the worst-off between the two, and his jealousy of Tenna is probably more 'justified' than the other way around'. But also Tenna is unaware and probably totally incapable of understanding this fact . Since the reasons behind it are dependent both on the culture of the internet and the deeper machinations of Light and Dark.

I didn’t really go into depth about it at the time cause it is a complex topic that I did kinda cover for Spamton before Chapters 3 + 4 even released and if I started going into it in detail, it could’ve easily overshadowed the main point I was trying to make with that post. But since I did get some comments/questions about that aspect… I thought it might be a good idea to give it its own post going into it in detail and clarifying my point.

So, both Spamton and Tenna imitate each other because they see the other as an embodiment of something they don’t have. Tenna has the charm, prestige and both metaphorical and literal ‘bigness’ that Spamton craves. While Spamton has the modernity, understanding of technological progress and ability to reach Lightners that Tenna’s so insecure about lacking these days.

(I think you can kinda see it as a metaphor to the relationship between traditional media and the new media in general. Old Media such as the Television is getting overshadowed and outcompeted by the Internet-based New Media, but it also still has an air of respectability and prestige that New Media still generally lacks. The fact that Tenna is specifically jealous of, like, the lowest, least-respectable, most obnoxious aspect of the Internet is just an extra detail that makes him more uniquely pathetic.)

But the main difference is, like… So Tenna is a Television Darkner, he’s supposed to exist for the purpose of providing entertainment. He loves entertainment because that’s what he was created to do and entertaining Lightners is the thing that makes him feel truly fulfilled. He is also, by all accounts pretty damn good at it.

Like, the main conflict between Tenna and the Lightners is because he wanted his show to go on forever (And also he kidnapped Toriel and was keeping the Dark Fountain from getting sealed and working with the Knight). They did clearly enjoy being on his show as a temporary thing. He's honestly good at this.

I mean, the fact that he has a set Purpose hardwired into his very being and can’t feel truly content unless he’s fulfilling said Purpose is kinda Existentially Depressing if you think about it too hard, but at least it’s something he both enjoys and is good at.

And then you have Spamton. As the Magical Dream Representation of Spam Email, he is created to scam people out of their money and information. He is also generally obsessed with all the things your usual Spam Mail blathers on about, success, prestige, being a BIG SHOT. But being Spam Mail also means he is utterly terrible at doing his Purpose and fulfilling his goals. Spam Mail is weird, obviously scammy, gets thrown away 99% of the time, and is the lowest and most incompetent form of online advertising/scams. The basic essence of his metaphysical being is to be a frustrated, miserable failure.

Of course, this isn’t as simple as saying Tenna is metaphysically allowed to be truly happy while Spamton isn’t. Because it’s been a long time since Tenna has been able to fulfill his Purpose. He’s good at entertainment… but he’s not good enough to get anyone in the Dreemurr household to turn on the TV on the regular. His show is loads of fun, but it’s also kind of repetitive, cheesy and old-fashioned… because that’s also the Lightner perception of the classic TV that Tenna was created to represent.

You can easily say that just as Spamton’s preordained role is to be a failure because Spam Mail is by definition crappy, Tenna’s role is to be a failure because in these modern times, the definition of the television has changed to be ‘not good enough’.

And the whole thing is actually totally outside Tenna’s control. Obviously no one can truly control the march of time or stop new entertainment technology from being developed, but even in terms of the content Tenna can provide if he's switched on... That’s in the hands of Lightner TV producers.

In his Dark World, Tenna’s living the high-life, the biggest and only Big Shot in TV World. but he’s incapable of being satisfied with all of his power and prestige as long as he’s a failing his Purpose as a Light World television. A matter that is actually totally beyond his control.

Tenna’s aware of all of these problems, but he’s not fully aware of how these issues reflect Spamton’s situation. He’s knows nothing about the modern internet world

…He doesn’t know what being ‘Spam’ means, and therefore has no idea what Spamton is supposed to be. He met Spamton during the brief period of time the salesman was genuinely successful as an adbot, he has no idea about the unlucky Addison he was before or the total wreck he became later.

… But that is also part of the crucial difference. Spamton only became successful and therefore happy due to the help of the mysterious Someone that has been calling him.

And…we are still not quite sure how that worked. Was that simply someone from the Light World aggressively clicking on so much Spam Mail and shitty ads that it temporarily changed Spamton’s status in the Dark Worlds? Did that Someone give Spamton the secret to actually defy the role assigned him by the metaphysical laws governing his existence? Was it done through the power of the Shadow Crystal? The power of the Prophecy? Were they taking advantage of the fact that the events we're talking didn’t truly happen and were instead retconned into Spamton’s personal history when the Computer Room Dark World created him?

There are so many question marks about Spamton’s Mysterious Benefactor and how that whole thing worked… and that’s because giving Spamton a happier and more successful life is something that seems like it should be literally metaphysically impossible. And while Tenna was pretty much trapped in an unsatisfying existence due to the nature of his being and circumstances beyond his control… his problems were also much easier to solve from a Lightner perspective.

Sure, the television doesn’t get the sort of universal success and influence that it did when Tenna was brand new, but there are still people who watch and enjoy it. As long as that fact holds true for at least one household (and seeing how books, radio and cinema still exist despite the television overshadowing them back during Tenna’s hay-day, I doubt the TV will ever die completely) and as long as Tenna himself is a usable television then Tenna’s happiness is absolutely achievable.

It is kinda existentially terrifying to think about how this was all out of his control and couldn’t have happened if not for Kris and Susie’s actions in the Light World, that Tenna himself still had no power over his own happiness… but that still leaves him in a better position than poor Spamton, where… even if you were a Lightner honestly interested in giving Spamton a happier life… what could you do for him?

Like, Noelle obsessively responds to "Free Friend Finder" Spam in a desperate attempt to find Dess and that got Spamton's attention and gratitude, but it was still obviously a tiny drop in the bucket compared to the success he is destined to crave for… So this is clearly much more complicated than just humoring a few Spam Mails (and also, even that plan carries a much bigger risk to the Lightners compared to just giving someone a second-hand television. Because Spamton is also ontologically doomed to bite the hand that feeds him.)

But, like, there is a reason why Tenna was shoving his nose into Spamton’s Secret to Success. Obviously with Tenna already being Executive Producer and God-King of TV World, he’s not exactly looking to become a ‘Big Shot’ in the Dark Worlds - he’s looking to have the sort of reach and influence that internet-based Darkners like Spamton seems to have over the Lightners. He was looking for Spamton's advice in the hopes he could help him to understand modern technology and the changing times, help him to stop himself from becoming increasingly outdated… But is that something Tenna would've been even able to do?

Again, before the TV World Dark Fountain even opened, Tenna shouldn't have had any way to affect his situation in the Light World, he was just an inanimate TV. If Spamton taught him to 'plug in'… what would that mean? Would the Dreemurr Household's living room TV suddenly gain the ability to connect to the internet? Would it suddenly transform into a Smart TV out of nowhere? Would it suddenly starts broadcasting new content that's more appealing to modern audiences (at least according to Spamton's advice)?

The idea that's the least magically-breaking-the-laws-of-causality is that Spamton was thinking of asking Someone to upgrade Tenna's inanimate TV self in the Light World… and even that kinda stumbles into the mindfuck acknowledgement that all of the events we're talking about didn't truly happen the way Tenna and Spamton remember them because they were an inanimate object and a spam folder on a laptop at the time and all of their past and memories of being People were created when they were brought to life by their respective Dark Fountains so how could they ask anyone in the Light World to do anything at that point in time?

Tenna was actually trying to get Spamton to help him do the same thing he's done, defy the fate he was doomed to because of what he is in the Light World. To help him break the laws of how Dark and Light work so he can get closer to accomplishing his dreams. Even though he doesn't seem to be fully aware of the fact that was what Spamton did in the first place. And… there is a level where I'm wondering if Tenna even understood the full ramification of what he was planning for himself?

Because when it comes to Tenna being unaware of Spamton's miserable fate due to the fact he doesn't know what a "Spam Mail" is, that is a simple problem of a lack of knowledge. Tenna just doesn't have that information due to his status as a pre-internet piece of technology. But when it comes to the matter of the metaphysical mechanics of Light and Dark and how Darkners work… I feel ike it's not really a matter of knowledge as much as a matter of understanding.

Tenna clearly knows that as a Darker, he is created from the Dreemurr Household's TV, he knows that before the Dark Fountain opened he was just an inanimate object, he knows that means that his Purpose is to entertain Lightners… But does he actually think about what all of these facts actually mean? Does he fully understand the implications of his existence? I've already wrote so much about all the little things that make Tenna's life, maybe better than Spamton's, but definitely kind of an existential nightmare in it's own right if you think about it… but that's the question, does he actually think about it?

When we was trying to get that 'deal' done with Spamton, was he thinking about in terms of 'I'm gonna need to break the laws of what it means to be me, Tenna, a Darkner based on this specific old TV. Because by definition I am outdated and if I want to actually catch-up with the times and be watched again, I will have to change that Definition somehow?' or was it just 'Oh boy! That Silly Little Guy knows a lot about this internet stuff that scares and confuses me! And he's got so many views! I have to ask him how he does it..." without ever thinking of the implications of how'd he'd replicate 'how he does it'?

I think there's a lot of little hints that Spamton doesn't just want to rebel against the metaphysical laws that made him a constant failure so he could be a Big Shot… Spamton also wants to want different things. As he exists, Spamton isn't supposed to care about anything but deals and scams and money and success (while also existing to constantly fail to achieve these things), but his actual dream is now something much bigger than that, much more centered around his freedom. Although part of the tragedy is that he is still doomed to only being able to think about it in terms of power and status, and doomed to being unable to think of a plan to achieve that dream without scamming money out of people and exploiting them in general.

Even when he's giving Kris the KeyGen, he has to try and sell it for a sometimes ludicrous amount of money, because he's not supposed to care for anything but sales and deals… But he does seem to try and fight against this instinct.

And it's clear that he is very emotionally hurt by all the friendships he lost and all the bridges he burned. With Tenna most obviously, but also with the Addisons and with Swatch. As a Spam-Email, he's not supposed to care about those things more than he does about Deals and Scams, but as a person, it's clear that this is a huge part of his angst. In the Normal Route, Spamton starts projecting his own issues on Kris the moment he sees them walking through the Dark World alone. In the Weird Route, Spamton only starts doing it in the NEO Boss Fight, when they start calling out to their friends. Either way, it happens when he sees them alone.

In terms of the metaphysics of Light and Dark, Spamton's essential definition is being a weird failed scam-artist. In Spamton's own eyes, his essential definition is being lonely and abandoned.

And of course, the whole point of Spamton NEO's Spare Route, the closest thing to a happy ending he ever got, is about abandoning all of his grand plans to become [BIG] for the sake of friendship.

Tenna… does not seem to struggle against his nature in the same way. He is not bothered by the implications of having a set Purpose or maybe he just never thought about it that much. He fully embraces the idea that his Purpose is to Entertain and to be Watched, and even when he's sad and frustrated because he can't fulfil that goal… he blames himself for failing to fulfil it, he does not go against the idea that fulfilling this Purpose IS the number one thing he wants and needs.

He's already in a better spot than Spamton was, because, although he's got a bit of an Entertainment Industry Sleaze coding to him with all of his shady contracts, being based on an Object that generally makes Lightners' life more enjoyable and has a lot of sentimental memories associated with it makes him considerably more capable of caring about other people and forming meaningful relationships. But even when his obsessive pursuit of his goal ends up with him alienating all of his TV World employees (even Mike!) and causing his world to crumble all around him, he never doubts that there is nothing more important to him than Entertaining Lightners.

I think if you went to Tenna and asked him if he ever wanted to want a different thing, something that doesn't make him totally dependent on outside approval, he'd just be confused. What in this world could be a better and more worthy goal than bringing smiles and tears to the lovely viewers at home? What else is there? It's just not something he could ever even being to think about.

And sure, Tenna might know and acknowledge that he's the Dreemurr Household TV and that's why he cares so much about entertaining specifically the Dreemurr (and Holiday) family… but does he truly understand the way that his personality was shaped by the emotions of Kris and Toriel during the night the Fountain was opened? For him, his emotional grief at the slow dissolution of the Dreemurr family is just his genuine emotional response based on his personality and his memories and the experiences he had… and I think it is real... but it's also a projection of Kris and Toriel's feelings.

For him, his fixation over Toriel is born of the fact she was the last member of the Household to consistently Watch him…

But it's also born of the way he's kind of a reflection of Asgore's Divorced Behavior.

Is Tenna aware of the idea that his feelings, that feel 100% real for him, were also 'given' to him by the Lightners? Does it bother him at all? Does it not bother him because of an actual confidence in his own personhood and the validity of his perspective and his personal sense of self… or just because he never thought that deeply, that far, into the implications of his own existence?

Tenna knows what it means to be a Darkner, but he doesn't understand what Spamton understands. And as long as this gap exists, Tenna won't ever really know how miserable and doomed Spamton truly was. And I think as Tenna gets happier and more content, now that he's got a new loving home, he will be less and less driven and able to understand it. This little adventure he had with the Knight and the Fun Gang was probably the closest he's ever gotten.

Even if you sat him down and patiently explained what a Spam Mail is in the most 70's terms you could muster, he still won't truly understand why Spamton can't just replicate the success he had when these two knew each other, or why Spamton was so determined to 'see past the Dark'. Not anymore, at least. Because that requires delving into things he knows, but has never truly understood on a deep level. And maybe it's better for him that he doesn't.

I think, Tenna was on… the precipice. He took great interest in Spamton's success, he wanted to know his secret, they had almost signed a deal together. Tenna's frustration and lack of ability to fulfil his Purpose had led him to a point where had almost tried to defy his Existence the way Spamton had never stopped trying. He was unsatisfied and miserable enough that he almost became… maybe not exactly like Spamton, but at least a lot like King. Y'know, the Dark World Leader who got a lot of secret info from the Shadow Crystal Holder he was closest to, and thus inspired him to rage against fate and actively try to defy his Purpose?

Maybe not exactly the same as King… but he had almost tried seeing too far. Almost.

But at the end of the day, Spamton felt that the only way he could be truly happy is to find some way to cut off his puppet-strings, while Tenna is someone who finds true joy and contentment in simply dancing along to them.

[pinkpurplesunrises]

Unraveled in her arms - Alexia Putellas x Reader - Smut - Been a while since I really deep dived into the smut... - probably not the best smut but it's something

It's been five months of loving Alexia with your whole heart. Though your relationship is still new, it feels like you've known each other forever. Everything between you just feels so natural. Like it's always meant to be.

But even though it feels like you've been together forever, you’ve both chosen to take things slow. You haven’t gone public yet. Partly because Alexia has an entire fan army behind her, and not all of them understand boundaries… or basic human decency.

Of course, the fans have been speculating. relentlessly. Sometimes it feels like they’re private investigators, and honestly, it’s a little scary. But Alexia always reassures you. She reminds you that what you two have is real and that no amount of noise from the outside world can touch it. With her, you feel safe. And that makes all the difference.

You woke up nestled in her arms this morning. Still heavy with sleep. Maybe you could drift off again… but probably not. You can feel her soft steady breathing against your neck. Her arms gently wrapped around you. She's still fast asleep. Completely at peace.

But you? Not so much. The thing is… when you're ovulating, everything feels heightened. Your body. Your mind. Your desire. And right now… with her warmth pressed against you. Her scent. Her skin. Things are starting to feel really hot. Sleep is officially off the table.

Two weeks ago, the two of you finally took the next step and became intimate. It took time. You're naturally shy, and sometimes your insecurities get the better of you. Alexia, patient as ever, mirrored your quiet hesitance. She was a little shy too, which meant neither of you rushed anything or pushed beyond what felt right.

But two weeks ago, something shifted. It wasn't planned or dramatic. Just a quiet, perfect moment where everything aligned. The trust. The closeness. The love. It all built up into something tender and real. And in that moment… you both let go of the nerves. The second-guessing. And simply reached for each other. It was soft. A little clumsy. Full of whispered laughter and quiet understanding. But it was yours. And it changed everything.

Alexia gained confidence quickly. Especially after seeing the effect she had on you. How vocal and uninhibited you became in her arms. She made you feel safe in a way no one ever had. And without that safety, you know you wouldn’t have been able to let go the way you did.

Since that night, though, things have been quiet. Not out of distance but out of life simply getting in the way. Alexia had to leave for camp and you’ve been buried in work, coming home more drained than anything else. The timing just… hasn’t aligned.

But this morning is different. Today, finally, is a day off for both of you. No alarms. No obligations. Just time. Slow. Quiet. And yours to share. And as the sunlight spills across the sheets and her arm tightens slightly around your waist in her sleep… you can’t help but wonder if maybe, just maybe, the space between you is about to close again.

Of course, the insecurity creeps back in. Because as much as you want to just turn around and jump her bones. A small part of you holds back. You're worried about comng on too strong. About ruining the quiet comfort of the moment. You don't want to scare her or make her feel pressured.

And then there’s the other thing. You know how intense your desire can get when you’re ovulating. How wet you get. How needy you feel. It’s not something you can control. But past partners didn’t exactly handle it well. Some made you feel embarrassed, even ashamed. Like your body was too much. Too messy. Too inconvenient.

Before your thoughts can spiral any further, you feel a small shift behind you. Alexia stirs.

A soft breath escapes her lips as she nuzzles closer. Her nose brushing against the back of your neck. Then comes the quiet, sleepy murmur of your name. Her voice still heavy with dreams. One of her arms tightens around your waist. Grounding you instantly.

"You're awake," she whispers, warm and close.

You nod, heart racing. And before you can even begin to untangle all the worries clouding your mind… she presses a gentle kiss to your shoulder.

"Been thinkin' about you," she adds, a lazy smile in her voice.

And just like that, the storm in your head quiets. Because she's here, holding you like she never wants to let go.

You turn slowly. Pressing your lips to hers in a lingering kiss. She shifts onto her back, pulling you closer. Wrapping her arms tightly around you until your bodies are flush against each other. Your core presses against her thigh and a sharp bite to your lip betrays just how good it feels.

She notices. Her eyes flutter open. A knowing smile curving her lips as she whispers, “You like that, don’t you?”

You nod, but then gently pull back just enough to catch her gaze. Your breath hitching slightly. There’s a quiet vulnerability in your eyes as you search hers. Silently asking if this is really okay.

She smiles softly, brushing a stray strand of hair from your face. “Hey,” she murmurs, “you don’t have to hold back. I want this. Us. Whenever you’re ready.”

You take a deep breath, then admit softly, “I think I’m ovulating right now… and, well, things can get a little messy. I just don’t want to freak you out.”

She looks at you, eyes warm and steady, and shakes her head gently. “Hey, that’s natural. Nothing about you scares me. We’ll take it slow, whatever you need.”

She reaches down and gently pulls you closer by your hips. Guiding you to shift so your core presses firmly against her thigh. Through your panties, she can feel the wetness. Warm and unmistakable. Tracing against her skin. A slow, satisfied smile spreads across her face as she leans in, whispering, “God, that’s so hot.”

You freeze for a moment at her words, heat rising even more as her breath fans against your ear. Her fingers trace lazy circles along your back. Grounding you. Inviting you to relax.

She moves her hand down to rest on your hip, squeezing gently. “Don’t hold back,” she murmurs, her voice low and inviting. “I want to feel every part of you.”

Encouraged by her confidence, you start to move just a little more. The friction sending a delicious warmth between you both. Her thigh presses harder against your core, and you feel her smile deepen as she leans closer. Lips brushing the shell of your ear.

“God, you’re driving me crazy,” she whispers. “I want you. Right here. Right now.”

Encouraged by her words and the warmth of her touch, you let yourself give in a little more. Soft moans slipping past your lips as your body responds. You press closer, letting your neediness show. Your breath growing heavier.

She smiles against your skin, her fingers tightening gently on your hip as she murmurs, “That’s it… don’t hold back.”

With every sound you make, every movement closer to her, the air between you thickens with desire. Raw. Honest, And entirely yours.

Still learning each other’s bodies, she notices you growing a little too close and gently lets you pause. You glance nervously at her thigh. Noticing the wetness there and worry you might be overwhelming her.

But she quickly reassures you with a soft smile. “I just want to switch things up a bit.”

With that, she slips off her sleep shirt, inviting you to press gentle kisses to her bare skin. She settles back against the headboard, hands reaching to help you out of your soaked panties and her shirt.

Then, you settle between her legs. Your back resting against her chest. Feeling the warmth of her body wrapped around you. The closeness is intimate and comforting. A new rhythm unfolding between you both as you continue to explore each other with tender curiosity.

Her hands begin their slow, deliberate exploration. Teasing along your skin with featherlight touches that make your breath catch. Fingers trail over your curves. Tracing the delicate lines of your ribs and dipping lower. Every brush sending shivers through your body. Then, with a gentle boldness, her fingers find your core.

Her breath hitches sharply at the slick heat she feels beneath her touch, and you can’t hold back. The soft whine and moan that escape you are raw and needy. Your body arching into her fingertips. She smiles against your skin, Her touch both teasing and sure. Moving in slow, tantalizing circles that make you writhe beneath her. Desperate and achingly close.

But she doesn’t rush. Her fingers pull away, traveling back up your body. Tracing the sensitive spots along your sides and collarbone. Keeping you on the edge. Craving more. Then, just as you start to lose yourself… she returns. Her touch firmer. More focused. Coaxing every ounce of your desire.

Her voice is low, sultry but sweet as she whispers against your ear, “You’re so beautiful like this… so open, so wet for me. I love how sensitive you are. How easily I can make you lose control.”

You shiver at her words, every nerve ending alive. The fear rising that you might come just from her talk alone. But she senses your tension and presses a soft kiss to your neck. Her voice calming and confident.

“Don’t be afraid, baby. I know exactly how to take care of you.”

She presses a soft, lingering kiss to the curve of your neck. Her lips warm and tender against your skin. The sensation sends a fresh wave of heat through you. Grounding you in the moment. Reminding you that you’re safe. Wanted. Cherished.

Then, without hesitation, her fingers slip inside you. Slow. Deliberate. And utterly attentive. Every movement is measured, perfectly in tune with your body’s responses. She takes her time. Exploring. Coaxing. And bringing you deeper into a space where pleasure feels limitless and completely hers to give.

You lean fully against her now. Your back flush with her front. Feeling the steady, comforting weight of her body wrapped around you. Your hands instinctively reach down to her thighs. Gripping the soft, warm skin just as her fingers move with more confident urgency inside you.

Her breath catches in a low, breathy moan. Feeling you gripping her thights. Vibrating against your neck as you move together. Her touch and your desire intertwining. The sound of her pleasure only fuels yours. Your body trembling with every stroke. Every sigh, . Every whispered word shared between you.

She pulls back just enough to look you in the eyes. Her gaze dark and hungry. Lips curved into a slow, knowing smile.

“God, you’re so fucking hot like this,” she murmurs, voice thick with desire.

“And don’t think I’m done… because I’m soaked too. Looks like we’re definitely going to need a round two.”

[flvvffy]

. ۫ ꣑ৎ . ❝ 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐉𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄... ❞

summary: suguru geto comforts chubby!reader, letting her know that she is loved and appreciated despite her insecurities

suguru adored you ever since the day he laid eyes on you. how could he not? you were breathtakingly beautiful, easy on the eyes and the your amazing personality was just another wonderful bonus.

suguru expressed his love for you in the ways he knew how. rushing to the store when you urgently needed something. offering his honest opinion when you asked. having an extra hair tie in case you needed one. he did everything he could to make you know that you are loved and appreciated.

you loved him too...deeply. he made you feel comfortable in your own skin than anyone else ever did. but sometimes...you felt that maybe changing yourself for him was for the better.

pretty girls with slim bodies were plastered everywhere you went. bill boards and social media more specifically. dressed in hot bikinis that you always hesitated to wear infront of suguru.

you were sure they never struggled to find the right bra that neither dug painfully into thier shoulders nor have cups too big. the right jeans that fit both their tummies and thick thighs, that actually allowed the possibility to breathe and not feel so self-conscious in public. shirts that looked stylish and trendy but comfortable.

you started to hate the way the seams dug into your skin, the way your reflection felt like a stranger's. you started to hate how you needed to plan your outfits like puzzles. never too tight, never too baggy. just enough to hide the parts you didn't like.

obsessively staring at yourself in the mirror. making a note of all the imperfections on your body. the stretch marks on your stomach, hips and swell of your breasts. the ways your thighs always touched. often thinking 'i know he loves me...i know that...but maybe he'd love me more if i wasn't... fat...'.

you wanted to let suguru know how you felt. but how? this wasn't a topic you were comfortable with. as much as you liked being around him, you couldn't help but feel too big, too noticable. especially when there were so many other girls out there, that were prettier, more skinnier and...perfect for him. your insecurities slapping you in the face whenever it crossed your mind

"I wanna start going to the gym...with you". you stated randomly as you were in his apartment, just casually, silently hoping that he wouldn't ask further questions. but you underestimated how much he pays attention to you.

"why the sudden interest?", his brow raised. shifting his attention for a short while from his phone to you

"i just wanted to try something new. you make it look so fun and easy", you reason but he still didn't seem to understand.

"it's not as fun as you think, pretty...you have to stay consistent"

"i can do that", he gave you a wary look and set his phone aside, attention fully on you.

"where is this coming from?", you shrunk back into the cushions, controlling your expression, hoping that he wouldn't catch up on your true intentions.

"just curious to know how it is...", he squinted his eyes at you and shook his head just a little. a sign that he wasn't, at all, convinced.

"you never want to try something new. you're the only person I know who despises change. you also told me that the gym seems like too much"

"people change", you shrugged.

"not you...you can tell me anything, you know that...". suguru's eyes showed concern. he placed his hand on yours the other tilted your chin to look at him. your throat felt dry. getting harder to swallow as he stared at you with such loving soft eyes.

"do you...", pause. "do you think i'm...beautiful?". silence follows. he looked deeper into your eyes, searching for sincerity in then. and you let him.

"you're the most beautiful girl in the world. of course i think you are", a small smile is plastered on his lips but you don't believe him...not yet...

"you don't have to lie to me...", his brows creased. his hand slid down to your shoulder and squeezed a bit.

"is it really so hard to believe. you are beautiful. has anyone made you feel like you're not?"

you shake your head, no. "i just feel like things would be better for me...for us if i was...skinnier"

"oh, baby...", he pulled you against his chest, his large hands cradled your head. you wanted to push him away. away from yourself...but you didn't...didn't have the heart to. so you wrapped your arms around his waist. your cheek pressed against his chest, the smell of his cologne invaded your nostrils, wrapping around you like a memory--sharp, warm...familiar

"there is nothing wrong with you, honey. everything about you is so elegant and astounding sometimes i think...that you're way out of my league.", you slapped his chest playfully and he kisses the top of your head.

"i go crazy whenever i see you. they way you carry yourself is just so...magical. i wanna nuzzle into you every time we cuddle. you're warm and you always make me feel so much better after such a long day. that beautiful smile of yours, your comfortable weight on top of me makes me wanna show you off to the entire world", he pulled back to look at you. your eyes a little watery.

he cupped your cheeks and placed a soft kiss on your forehead. "there is nothing that you need to fix for the world, but the world needs to fix itself for you". a tear slid down your cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb. you were smiling now, your cheeks heated and heart full from his words alone.

suguru leaned in, sealing his lips with yours in a passionate kiss. eyes closed. heart thumping loudly in your ears as your tongues danced together. hands roamed around the other's bodies until he pulled away. catching your breathes as he pressed his forehead to yours and whispered:

"you're beautiful in ways you can't always see...and don't you forget that"

. ۫ ꣑ৎ . 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐄𝐃 © 𝐅𝐋𝐕𝐕𝐅𝐅𝐘

[mortal-ethos]

The first time I started figuring out my gender, I felt very fluid, but due to the rise in transmed ideology and being a kid in an oppressive household and society, I tried so hard to be a man. I thought I had to be a man, and I felt like shit because I constantly was questioning myself, constantly insecure, I did everything I was "supposed" to do and be as a "man" both by the standards I grew up with, and the modern standards I had begun to see and still continue to see amongst "progressive" circles (which was doing everything by myself and taking abuse from my partners because the idea of men standing up for themselves or taking a single second to themselves is pushed as abuse and laziness, so I just. Did everything. And took all of it).

I was the handy man, I Mended the garments, I cooked every meal, I cleaned the house and did the dishes, I was the only one working, I put aside any issues or emotions I had for every person/partner, I was constantly told anytime I showed emotion that I was scary or that I was wrong, that I wasn't allowed to feel the way I felt, that I made problems all the time out of nothing, so I stopped and when I would keep my emotions down during conversations I was told I wasn't talking like a real person, any time I tried to talk about mental health issues I was made fun of so I stopped, any time I had a need I was degraded for wanting something so I stopped expressing a desire for closeness and emotional connection while being told that I needed to talk about my problems more even though they were constantly ignored, I was my partners' wallet, I couldn't have my own interests and always had to engage others with theirs while mine were judged and belittled, not even getting into how much pressure there was on me to "look" like a man. I did fucking everything I could until I broke.

I used to think if I just was a Good Man, if I just did everything asked of me, everything I was told, if I did everything right, if I was only ever gentle and kind and vulnerable, I would be happy. The pain would go away, I could be myself, and I could make everyone else happy. I could show what a Good Man was, I could be better. And I tried so hard. But I broke. I wasn't a good man. I couldn't do it. I broke down wondering what was wrong with me. Why was it no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. I would never be gentle enough, kind enough, skilled enough, strong enough, communicative enough, stoic enough, happy enough, rich enough, I would never be enough. So I gave up and I asked myself, who was I trying to be enough for? For people that don't know me? For people that don't care about me? For people that would never understand me anyway? Why was I never happy, even when I did everything asked of me... Why was no one ever happy with me?

Why was I STILL NOT MAN ENOUGH.

So I said fuck it. Who am I being a man for. My gender shouldn't feel like a fault in my personhood. And I let myself sit with it for a while. I asked myself, why do I still connect with my womanhood, with the lesbian community, with girlhood, why is this feminine rage still inside me intricately entwined with my masculine transness? Why, when I talk about women's issues, why do I have to choke down saying "we" and "us?" Why, when I feel like a man, is it strongest when I'm helping the ones that I love? What about those days I feel like neither, the days I feel more connected to the moss beneath my feet, to the shadows of tree branches, to the smell of rain, to the sound of boots on pavement, to the metallic taste of blood, to the ones that wear masks? What about those days I feel like I don't want to decide, I don't want to settle on one thing, where I feel like the planets in orbit, all circling each other simultaneously, each rotating themselves? The days where I see myself on this earth as intimately woven into the fabric of existence, when I experience creation and make myself into a new person for that moment, a new color unseen, a new emotion unfelt, a new breath never shared?

I'm not a man, or not just a man. I'm not just a woman, I'm not just non-binary. I tried fitting my experiences, my existences, into one singular label. Into the label that was supposed to be right, the one that was easy, the one everyone else is. I felt like my gender queer experiences were a gender failing, a pathetic flailing attempt at transness. I wasn't man enough, but I had to be because... I thought that was my only option.

Anyone thinking being non-binary, being gender fluid, being agender, bigender, gender queer, is all just part of the process of eventually settling into a binary identity is so, so wrong. I am not lost or confused. I didn't lose myself, my transness, my queerness, in the fluidity. I found my way back home.

when nonbinary people discover they are actually transgender binary, i wish them all the best, but i cannot STAND when they dismiss their previous identity as illegitimate. sure, maybe it wasnt you, but nonbinary is still real and valid.

i remember when a nonbinary content creator i really resonated with came out as a trans man instead, he started saying that nonbinary is "only a stepping stone to being the opposite binary!!" and that its "just a pipeline effect and nothing solid :)" i had recently separated from my long term partner due to identity related reasons and i was feeling insecure, finding community online. i questioned myself for months then, forcing the idea of being binary onto myself in what was admittedly an ocd spiral. its not his fault but i feel if you make queer content you kinda owe it to your audience to not spread false and harmful narratives about it

this is exorsexism.

i've seen it time and time again that previously-nonbinary content creators come out as binary trans and suddenly become really exorsexist in their stance, behaviour, language. this stuff never hurts their following though and nonbinary people who point this out usually end up being accused of transmisia and "being too sensitive". meanwhile people act like our genders are time bombs.

[saturns-peachy-honeymoon]

dating johnny cade hcs

content: all the wonderful things that come with dating johnny cade 

warning: references to canon typical, slight profanity, and dallas winston

Hesitant at first (both from insecurity and all the warnings Steve and the guys have given him about women)

Needs reassurance, which you are more than happy to provide

Johnny is no doubt touch starved, he’s shy at first with physical affection, but craves it so much 

Early on he is so freaking nervous to initiate anything. Even later in your relationship, he makes a point to get consent for things as simple as touching your hand, either through touching you lightly beforehand or asking you directly

“This okay?” Johnny asked as his pinky brushed yours.

He leaned in slowly, warm breath fanning on your face, “Can I kiss ya?” 

He’s always shyly complimenting you 

Fiercely protective of you 

He walks you home every single night 

Johnny is so easy to make blush 

He really isn’t that good at accepting compliments 

Would give you the shirt off his back in a second 

Johnny dedicates so much time to understanding you

Remembers pretty much everything you tell him

Y’all go on long walks and just talk about anything and everything 

If you enjoy reading, he’ll always ask you to read out loud with him 

Often goes to Dally for advice, rarely actually takes it

“All you gotta do is flirt with her best friend in front of her. Girls always want what they can’t have, Johnnycakes.” 

“Never answer any questions she asks you, chicks dig mysterious guys.”

He later discovers that Ponyboy gives significantly better dating advice (probably from all the books he reads) 

Patching him up after incidents with his parents or rumbles 

Constantly sneaking him through your window so he doesn’t have to sleep in the lot 

He sleeps so much better when he’s with you

Tons of cuddles- (oh my gosh, my touch-starved baby needs all the cuddles)

The first time he feels you tracing shapes and words on his arm or back when you’re cuddling, he melts 

He quickly picks up the habit himself 

Spending time in nature: admiring the sunset and stargazing 

Johnny finds ways to sneak you little notes

- You looked so pretty today - Stargazing tonight?

He dreams about running away with you and having a peaceful life in the country 

Johnny loves it when you play with his hair

He’ll pick you wild flowers and bring you little treasures he finds

If you ever fall asleep on him, mans goes as stiff as a frickin board worried about waking you up

The gang as a whole is pretty protective of him. Dally and Steve most definitely keep a close eye on you early on 

Later on, Dally will definitely adopt you as one of the few “kids” he tolerates and will beat the shit out of anyone who talks shit about you 

Nonstop teasing from the gang 

Ponyboy and Dallas accidentally third wheel on your dates all the time

Johnny loves seeing you in his jean jacket

If you make him little crafts like friendship bracelets or doodles, he will keep them forever

He loves holding your hand and pressing kisses to your knuckles 

Pushing Johnny’s hair out of his eyes and pressing a kiss to his forehead

[sugussugar]

tw suguru x insecure, avoidant, depressed reader + fem reader and mentions of s/h, please read at your own risk

suguru geto wants to understand you.

there's just something about you. something he never noticed in your six years of friendship. the way you act so normally, yet everyone around you knows it's fake. you're not okay.

he doesn't understand why it took him so long to notice something was up with you. he considers himself pretty good with this type of thing, at least he did. but now, he isn't sure what to believe.

but it's clear as day that you've never really been okay. he sees it all now. the way you cover your smile when you laugh, the way you always stay rather quiet around others, the way you've never let others see you cry, the way you let yourself get shoved around and walked on like a welcome mat with little to no resistance, the way you hide your body for more reasons than one, the way you always seem to have a blade on hand with the excuse of “just in case”, the way you make subtle cries for help then shake them off as ‘jokes’. it's so clear now.

he feels almost angry that he never noticed. he remembers when he was that depressed. he remembers splitting his skin open and praying for someone to notice. he swore he'd never let anyone close to him, especially you, ever feel that way.

he wants to know exactly what's happening in your mind then empty it out and replace it with happier thoughts. he wants to see a genuine smile on your face, he wants you to stop hiding. he wants to ask you “are you okay” and hear you pour out your problems. he's tired of repetitive “i'm okay”'s and “don't worry about me”'s. he craves to have your trust.

but you hide. you hide away like a child from their drunken father, like the moon from the sun. he could chase you forever but ultimately it's futile. you will always be ten steps ahead. he will always be ten steps behind, and that will dwindle down to eight, then six, then three, and then you'll be gone.

suguru geto knows he's going to lose you. he's trying to fight it, but he knows the end, and he knows it's near.

[brooklyn-duo]

Bucky tries to keep up with everything Tony was saying, it was hard to stay focused when he kept touching the metal arm and hand and he was getting overly focused on the way that felt. He hadn’t expected this but the way Tony trailed a finger down his palm tickled a little, which made Bucky smile as he’s listening, nodding as he understands the point about what the neuro receptors did and the way his brain figured out what those signals were for.

He grows serious as Tony explains the potential drawbacks and side affects, or the fact that there might be side affects and they had no idea what they were. He swallows uncomfortably the mention of being a test subject, that was what he had been for HYDRA and essentially in Wakanda when they were figuring out how to break his conditioning. He knows that Tony didn’t mean it like that and if he hadn’t been masking the other fears and insecurities already it wouldn’t have mattered as much but it made his stomach turn even if he refused to show it.

“I..I’ll keep a close eye on how it feel and if I noticed anything out of the normal although..that might take a second to figure out what even is normal since this is new to me too. I..I’ll try though, try to keep track of things and I’ll keep you updated too,” he offers softly, looking down at his black and gold hand for a long moment.

One thing that did help cheer him up internally was knowing that the next time he touched Tony, even just held him, he’d feel him with both arms now. And he hadn’t realized it since he’d been having the other one for decades, but he had felt like sort of a machine with a missing part when it came to his senses, since he couldn’t feel with his hand or arm. Being able to now, even if it wasn’t totally the same as the feeling in his regular arm, he felt a little bit more whole than he had before and that makes him smile again.

“This..Tony, this means so much to me, all of it, thank you for…i mean if it wasn’t for that first appointment I don’t think this would have happened so..so thank you. And seriously…I’m buying dinner next time,” he chuckles even though he’s dead serious. He had no idea how to thank Tony for being part of this and for helping him, what do you get or do for a guy who had everything he possibly wanted and if he didn’t he just got it for himself? He would make it a point to figure out the food delivery apps sure but maybe there’s something he could do for Tony, something small, it would have to be heartfelt because that’s something you can’t buy.

Bucky’s eyes widen, “No! No that’s why I asked, it’s so much better than anything i’ve ever had from that cafeteria, I thought maybe you had a special connection in the kitchens and got the good stuff,” he grins, taking another bite and its quiet while he chews and swallows, “You made me a sandwich for after surgery? That’s real nice Tony, thank you,” he says with a warmer, sincere smile, tempted to reach out his hand but he didn’t know how Tony felt about that now that Steve was around.

Steve knew about them sure but Bucky was used to tamping down the affection in front of anyone, so he busies his hand with reaching for the cup of ice. He picks it up with his metal hand, eyes widening as he could feel the cold beneath his fingers. He sets his sandwich on the wrapper and pours some water into the cup, unable to resist the urge to dip his finger in it, staring in awe as he was able to feel the wetness of the water, and the chill from the cold.

“Jesus..I ain’t felt anything with my left hand since I fell..” he mumbles, trying to come to terms with the fact that he would be able to feel with both hands now. His flesh hand travels up to his shoulder to feel the skin at the base where the prosthetic connected to his arm, “and my shoulder doesn’t hurt anymore, the Cradle must’ve done it’s job..”

[twiishaa]

𝄞⨾𓍢ִ໋‎♪ what you want t.oikawa x reader , comfort approx 650 words warnings i think it deteriorates pretty quickly also this is very much based on me

content you feel insecure about your future and begin to wonder how your boyfriend can follow his passion so fearlessly.

--

𓈒ㅤׂ 𝜗𝜚 “SAY, tooru,” you begin to ask the brunette boy in front of you. he stops walking and turns back to look at you. there they were again– his intense eyes always make you dizzy. it must be nice, you wonder for a second before carrying on.

“you’re going to go pro, aren’t you? –with volleyball, i mean. when you graduate?” the clauses were all mixed up and oikawa took a second to process the question before answering.

“i am, yeah– was there something wrong?” he asks in response. the evening breeze blows through your hair. it makes you look ethereal, he thinks. but there’s something else in your expression– he can tell. it’s bittersweet, and pensive.

“no! nothing wrong!” you exclaim quickly. “just thinking, it must be nice to have your heart dead set on something, and know what you’re doing. i really wish i had the guts to follow my dreams like that…” your voice trails off in something like fear, but not quite. i’ve said too much, you think quickly– you’d never bared your feelings like this before. oikawa, your boyfriend, looks… surprised? suddenly the calm evening breeze feels bitter, seeping through your skin. oikawa jogs to where you are, and clasps your hands between his.

“oh, baby,” oikawa says, a half-whisper, warm unlike the air around him. the amount of feeling spilling out from those two words made your heart ache, tears beginning to build up.

oikawa knew exactly what you meant– something was off with you ever since you handed in your career form. why didn’t he figure it out earlier? holding you in a tight hug, his warmth surrounding you, he asks again, “have you been thinking about this for a while?”

you don’t want to tell him the truth– you know it’ll hurt him. you know it’ll confirm his fears– that you’ve been jealous of your own boyfriend– envying his courage and ability to follow his dreams without any fears. but you can’t hide it anymore. softly, you nod.

oikawa knows what that means. he’s angry– not at you– at himself, because he didn’t figure it out earlier. but quickly, he looks at you, crying in his arms– and the evening breeze goes from cold to unbearable.

oikawa can tell you’re scared, more than anything. “hey, just because i’m going pro, doesn’t mean i’m not scared. i worry every night– that i’m not going to make it.”

“you’re talented though, tooru– you’ll definitely make it,” you whisper into his shoulder. he chuckles at your response. “that’s exactly what i think of you too, baby.”

the familiar scent of oikawa’s cologne grounds you. after a pause, you whisper carefully, as if sharing a secret– in a sense it was, something you’d held close to your heart forever; but you were certain oikawa would understand.

“a singer.” the collection of vinyls in your room makes sense now, oikawa thinks to himself– so did the tiktoks you reposted of covers of your favourite songs. there were little clues along the way– a genuine smile gently washes over his face. “i think you’d be an amazing singer,” he whispers genuinely; voice so full of love it was about to burst at its seams.

other than volleyball– maybe even more than it, this is what oikawa dreamt about the most– being able to be vulnerable with someone else. no one else saw you like he did, and he took pride in it. maybe it made him a selfish person– he didn’t care; all that mattered to him was you.

heartbeat ringing in your ears, you feel light. the ‘childish’ dream you’ve had since you were five begins to feel a little real on this dimly lit road– and all it took was whispering it to the person you treasured the most.

you look up at oikawa. now, you meet his eyes full of determination with yours, a hidden passion slowly starting to emerge, colouring your irises brighter than ever before. “can i go and change my career form?” you ask, giggling.

“of course.” oikawa grabs hold of your hand and starts running back to school, the breeze warming up as the evening gives way.

note this is your sign to follow your dreams💞 i've been having this crisis in my head for so long

⋆˚𝜗𝜚˚⋆ like what you read? here’s the masterlist! ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶

[fairyyofshampoos]

The contrast between public image vs true self

- or the core theme of the movie «Kpop demon hunters»

⚠️ Spoiler Warning: This analysis contains major spoilers for K-pop Demon Hunters, including character arcs and the ending, read at your own risk and thank you for your attention, hopefully this will give you some more insight.

Before diving into how this theme shapes the film's characters and narrative, we first need to understand the K-pop industry itself - an industry built on illusion, perfection, and suppression.

I. The cult of perfection

At the heart of the K-pop industry lies a meticulously curated image of perfection. Idols are expected to look flawless, act politely, remain scandal-free, and constantly exude positivity, regardless of what they're experiencing behind the scenes.

From a young age, they are trained not just in singing and dancing, but in self-policing: how to smile through pain, how to speak without controversy, and how to behave like a product rather than a person.

But behind this shiny exterior lies a reality often hidden from public view. Many idols suffer in silence under the weight of:

Mental health struggles

Burnout and sleep deprivation

Loneliness and isolation

Repression of one's identity (dating bans, hiding sexuality, masking trauma)

The system demands that anything not aligned with perfection be either discarded or hidden - swept under the rug for the sake of image.

In that sense, being a K-pop idol and being a demon hunter in the movie are not so different - both live double lives, expected to protect the world while sacrificing their own truth.

In my perspective, the two major figures in the film that represent this oppressive system are - Celine and Gwi-ma.

Celine - the group's mentor, stands firmly by the "never show weakness" ideology. She instructs Rumi to keep her half-demon identity a secret, even from her closest friends and fellow group members. Celine's intentions may stem from protection, but the effect is the same: Rumi must suppress her truth for the sake of image, reinforcing the idea that authenticity is a liability.

Gwi-ma - the demon king and the villain of the movie, mirrors the darker, more exploitative side of the industry. He doesn't just feed on fear - he weaponizes it. He uses people's deepest insecurities against them, turning them into tools for his own gain.

This can manifest in different ways:

Stripping people of their souls to gain power

Tempting them into soul-binding deals, transforming them into demons

This allegory is chillingly close to reality. In the real world, some artists quite literally sacrifice their lives to the idol system - drained by impossible expectations, endless schedules, and the inability to be human in a world that only values performance.

Gwi-ma's demonic deals feel eerily similar to what some idols go through: giving up pieces of themselves for fame, validation, and survival, only to slowly lose who they are.

But not all control in the industry looks like outright abuse. Sometimes, it comes disguised as guidance, care, or tradition.

In this light, Celine - Rumi’s guardian and mentor represents the conservative face of the industry. She’s not like Gwi-ma, who openly feeds on pain and insecurity. Celine is veiled in good intentions and legacy, believing she’s protecting Rumi by telling her to hide her demon side and uphold the image of perfection. Her motto is simple: “Never show weakness.”

And that’s exactly what makes her so dangerous.

Celine isn’t trying to destroy Rumi - but she is trying to erase or fix parts of her.

She’s a stand-in for the real-life managers, producers, and executives who claim to “know best,” silencing idols’ identities, emotions, and struggles in the name of professionalism and survival.

While Gwi-ma is the industry’s dark side personified - exploitation, dehumanization, manipulation, Celine is the polished exterior. She is the system trying to preserve its legacy, no matter the human cost. And her belief that Rumi must hide her truth for the sake of the group reflects the way real idols are often discouraged from speaking up about their trauma, sexuality, illness, or dissent.

Celine’s role reminds us that harm isn’t always loud or monstrous. Sometimes, it’s dressed in smiles, and quiet expectations.

Il. Persona vs Reality

In the K-pop world, every idol is assigned a role - sometimes by their company, sometimes by the public, and often both. These personas help make the group more marketable: the cold, mysterious one, the bright bubbly one, the clumsy maknae, the charismatic leader. It's branding - but for a human being.

Over time, these personas start to become cages.

Idols aren't just performing on stage, they're performing off it too, carefully maintaining their image in interviews, on livestreams, and even in private moments caught by hidden cameras or fan interactions. The longer this act is kept up, the harder it becomes to remember who they are beneath it.

The characters opposing the ones that represent the system, and suffering directly under their influence - are the victims: Rumi and Jinu.

Rumi - the Crowned but Caged

Rumi wasn’t just chosen to be a star, she was born into it.

Her mother was a member of the Sunlight Sisters, a past generation of demon hunters whose fame and legacy still cast long shadows. After her mother’s death, Rumi was raised by Celine, her mother’s groupmate, who shaped her into the centerpiece of the next generation: Huntrix.

From the beginning, Rumi was destined to lead. The responsible one. The strong one. Her image, particularly in the mv for Golden, presents her as almost mythical, untouchable - clothed and poised like nobility. She’s not just an idol. She’s a symbol.

Rumi’s persona is not one she chose. It was placed on her like a crown - and like a crown, it’s heavy. She must live up to the memory of her mother, the expectations of her fans, and the control of Celine. And all of this, while hiding the truth of who she really is: half demon.

Even among her closest groupmates, Rumi is taught to hide the parts of herself that don’t fit the image. Because in the world of idols, difference isn’t beautiful - it’s dangerous.

Jinu - the Haunted Performer

400 years ago, he was a poor boy with nothing but a dream and a bipa. Then came the voice: Gwi-ma, the demon king, whispering promises of power, fulfillment, and freedom from suffering. Jinu accepted. And from that moment on, his life was no longer his own, but at the hands of a devil, to do as he pleases.

The truth of what happened is fragmented. Jinu offers Rumi a version in which he lived with his family in a palace until his transformation forced them into exile. Gwi-ma, however, offers another: that Jinu left them behind to feast alone, turning his back on them out of selfishness. The past is uncertain - but what is clear is Jinu’s torment.

In many ways, Jinu is a symbol of the performer who’s lost touch with who they used to be. He’s played the part for so long, he no longer knows what’s real. But something in Rumi starts to crack through the mask.

In my honest perspective, Jinu is a fool.

A fool for believing the sweet words of a devil who dragged him into hell.

A fool for listening to the very voice that shames him, haunts him, and convinces him he’s a monster.

And perhaps most tragically - a fool for hesitating. For spending the entire film suspended between two choices: to keep following Gwi-ma’s orders or to stand beside Rumi and fight back.

He never fully chooses. He deepens his bond with Rumi - they sing together, share moments of quiet understanding, even sing a duet called “Free.” But all the while, he’s still stealing souls, still feeding the very monster that keeps him chained.

And maybe that’s the most painful part of all:

Jinu wants freedom, but he doesn’t believe he deserves it.

He thinks the past owns him. That redemption is for someone stronger, someone purer.

So he stays on the fence - torn between guilt and longing, between who he was and who he could become.

Jinu isn’t the cold villain he pretends to be - he’s a scared, broken boy who made a mistake, and keeps making it again and again.

III. The cost of being authentic

At the heart of the movie lies a painful truth: becoming your true self in a system that profits from illusion demands sacrifice. For both Rumi and Jinu, the path to authenticity is paved with betrayal, guilt, and the loss of everything familiar. Their arcs begin in isolation but end in collision - where honesty, no matter how flawed, becomes the only way forward.

Gwi-ma, the demon king, doesn’t enslave with brute force. He marks his victims with glowing patterns - symbols of repressed fears, insecurities, and shame. These marks are deeply metaphorical: they reflect how the K-pop industry often treats an idol’s humanity as a flaw to be concealed. In the real world, these “patterns” mirror mental illness, trauma, hidden identities, or even the simple fact of growing up - all things that can result in an idol being blacklisted, exiled, or torn apart by public scrutiny.

Gwi-ma weaponizes guilt. He manipulates memory, twists truth, and gaslights his victims into thinking they are the problem.

This is the dark side of K-pop personified: the voice that tells you you’re only loved when you’re perfect - and disposable when you’re not.

Jinu, caught in Gwi-ma’s grasp, spends the entire film torn between two versions of himself: the selfish monster that Gwi-ma insists he is, and the boy Rumi sees - someone capable of change. He listens to the voice that shames him and uses his past as a leash. And in doing so, he keeps hurting the one person trying to free him.

Rumi, on the other hand, is marked too - but hides it. Half-demon by blood, she’s taught to suppress every trace of it. Not just by Gwi-ma, but by Celine, who enforces a “show no weakness” policy, insisting she preserve the perfect idol image at all costs. But when the truth inevitably comes out - on stage, under the lights, in front of her members, Rumi is forced to confront what she’s spent her whole life avoiding: the fact that perfection was never hers to begin with.

The film’s climax doesn’t revolve around a final battle alone - it’s built around music, with each key song symbolizing the emotional journey of its characters.

“Your Idol”, performed by the Saja Boys under Gwi-ma’s control, is a chilling anthem of seduction and consumption. It reframes the idol as savior, obsession, and parasite all at once. With lines like “I’m the only one who’ll love your sins” and “Thank you for the pain, ‘cause it got me going viral”, the song reflects the toxic co-dependence between idols and fans, where personal suffering is exploited for engagement, and authenticity is replaced with spectacle.

By contrast, “This Is What It Sounds Like” is the antidote. Rumi sings not to entertain or seduce, but to confess. It’s a song about brokenness, honesty, and finding strength not in illusion, but in truth. Her voice trembles. She admits her shame, her fear, her failure. But she does it openly and that act alone begins to undo everything Gwi-ma built.

Where “Your Idol” thrives on manipulation, “This Is What It Sounds Like” is liberation.

It’s what happens when someone stops trying to be what the world wants, and simply says: this is me.

The most powerful moment in the movie is not the slaying of Gwi-ma - it’s what precedes it. After everything, it’s Jinu who returns in Rumi’s moment of weakness, not as a hero, but as someone finally choosing to break free from the voice that’s owned him for centuries. He gives her his soul - not because he thinks he deserves redemption, but because she believed in it for him.

Jinu: “You gave me my soul back. And now… I give it to you.”

This act of sacrifice becomes Rumi’s power. With his soul, she defeats Gwi-ma. And from that act of truth, a new honmoon is formed - not golden, polished, and performative like before, but rainbow-hued: multi-coloured, real, and whole.

IV. Conclusion

K-pop Demon Hunters isn’t just a story about fighting demons. It’s about fighting the ones we carry inside us - the ones fed by perfectionism, guilt, fear, and shame. It shows how the K-pop industry, for all its glamour, can often demand silence over truth, masks over identity.

But it also shows that healing doesn’t come from fitting the mold. It comes from breaking it.

Rumi and Jinu’s stories prove that authenticity isn’t free, it costs you everything false.

But in return, it gives you something far more powerful:

A voice that’s finally yours.

A past you no longer have to erase.

This is what it sounds like.

[bloodandiron-if]

How would the RO's deal with someone who is also interested in the MC and is courting them? 😏👀

⚠️ LENGTHY CONTENT INCOMING ⚠️

- - -

OPERATIVE D-6

They don’t react openly.

They won’t confront the person.

They won’t even seem bothered by their interest in you—until you really notice.

Their presence becomes quieter and sharper. They stay closer than usual, watching the other person’s movements like a threat assessment. And if that person oversteps? D-6 will place themselves between you and them without a single word, like a wall you didn’t realize was being built around you.

No theatrics. No warning. Just a shift in air pressure, and that hint of a feeling that D-6 has already decided what happens next.

- - -

DETECTIVE JUNO REYES

Juno keeps it calm.

They’ve been in worse situations than a petty romantic rivalry. But unbeknownst to themself, they’re watching the other person with that classic detective stare—measured, silent and very much judging.

They trust you to make your own choices, but if the person starts pushing boundaries? Juno’s not above a firm conversation in a quiet hallway.

“I’m not going to fight for something that’s already mine. But I’ll make sure they understand the situation very clearly.”

- - -

NICO/NIA RUSSO

Subtlety? Yeah, that’s not in their playbook.

The second somebody even thinks about showing interest in you, Russo's clocked it. Cue the eye-rolls, the deadpan jokes, the “hey, just gonna drape myself over you so they get the memo” move.

And Jealous? Please. They just have zero patience for anyone messing with their relationship—especially when they’re out here trying so hard to keep it real with you.

“Aw, that’s cute. They don’t know you’re already taken—well, mostly. Depends on how you answer, I guess.”

- - -

KIERAN/KIERA MYLES

Myles is dangerously calm.

They act amused—like the whole situation is beneath them—but there’s a quiet sharpness behind their smile around that person.

Yet, they don’t confront the other person directly. They confront you instead—gently, closely and privately in a way that they can know your thoughts on the situation and where they stand with you.

“If you want to see what they’re offering, go. I won’t stop you. But if you stay… you’ll know exactly what you’ve chosen.”

- - -

ALEX/ALEXI MONROE

Monroe gets quieter, more hesitant—not because they’re insecure, but because they’ve been here before.

They’ve seen people walk away.

They won’t beg—but you’ll feel the shift in their presence—the way their eyes drop when that person tries making moves on you, the way they hesitate before reaching for your hand.

But if you give them any sign that you’re still choosing them? That soft smile will return like sunrise.

“I’m not the only one who sees how special you are—but I really hope I’m the only one you stay with.”

- - -

ROWAN/RHEA CARTER

Carter doesn’t flinch. They’ve stared down worse threats than competition.

If someone else is trying to win you over, they welcome the challenge. Not with pettiness or showboating—but with that sense of conviction.

They'll deepen their courtship with you: clearer words, bolder gestures, and a fire in their eyes that makes it hard to ever look away.

“Let them try. I never need to outshine anyone. I just need you to feel the difference.”

[sunnydbeam]

GUUHHHH thank you so much for all the kind words and encouragement! I would really love to be able to reply individually to each of you but I don't know what to say other than a BIG thank you! You guys are so sweet I'm crying ♡

I apologize for the negativity earlier, there was a lot going on, and one thing in particular triggered my anxiety and insecurities like never before; I couldn't help but suddenly be overcome with a certain jadedness about my own art and writing. God, I was spiraling so badly. Because of all this my inbox will remain closed for a while; sorry if you wanted to send any questions. Anyway, I'll answer to the ones I've already received.

I don't like to spread bad vibes anywhere. I'm aware that most of the time I choose to stay in the shadows, always running away from conflicts that only exist in my head. This is a small blog that easily goes unnoticed, but I can't for the life of me understand why there are people around here who choose to be mean for sport, not even shielded under anonymity anymore. I wish I could let it go, but this happens to me more often than I'd like to admit. And the worst part is that I don't know why. I want to believe that my blog is safe for everyone! But if at any point I've posted or said something nasty or offensive, I'm so sorry! It wasn't my intention! Ever since I started using Tumblr I've been struggling with this inherent social part of media; with every interaction the anxiety I felt was painful, but the moment I thought I was getting better at it, things would come crashing down every time.

I'm socially awkward and struggle with a non-native language, but I swear I want to be friends with all of you! I just wish I understood why some people choose to spew hate instead. What have I done, especially after creating my Gamma Code AU? It's been hell.

BUT. There are so many more of you who are the sweetest thing!! All the support and affection I feel from you melts me, I just want to hug you all against my chest so dearly. I wish I had the right words to express how much I appreciate you all! ♡♡♡♡

...

Lastly, I'd also like to draw a little line:

If you're here expecting or demanding Sun and Moon content in any way, do NOT FOLLOW ME. I love those two, but I'll draw them when I feel like it. I enjoy drawing my OCs and that makes me happy, so before you decide to throw shit at me and my blog in general, I invite you to think better of it and look elsewhere for content that better suits your tastes and needs, or create it yourself. From now on I will block anyone who comes to my blog with this kind of attitude. No "I miss when you used to draw Sun and Moon" or "For the good old days!". I will block you, no exceptions.

[radicaldreemurrs]

just found your blog from that stupid twitter post: im incredibly sorry people are being mean to you. i feel like theres some sort of disconnect in how people view online discussions: if people dont like your tone they can be rude back, even though youre talking to yourself on your own blog and theyre coming in to harass you. maybe due to people forgetting that a tumblr 'blog' is supposed to be a journal of sorts. i hope you dont feel the need to temper your own expression for others. you arent giving a lecture.

anyway: i read through much of your posts describing your interpretation of the story. theres many things i could say but i dont find most of them relevant. people could stand here poking holes in each others arguments with facts and logic for hours and it wouldnt accomplish much of anything (especially since this argument stakes more on thematic preference and gut instincts than anything else at this point). where we are in the story any sort of read will have holes because we have half the story. people can try and 'get you' by asking how you justify the soul reading noelles thoughts or whatever, but its mostly to make themselves feel better that theyd sweat if someone asked them how theyd justify whatever else holes there certainly are in their takes. its easy to be insecure when your work will always be unfinished because youre working with paint that still has years to dry, i guess.

i find your read on the game completely fascinating and its making me consider facets i havent before. i think it provides incredibly nuanced reads of kris noelle and ralsei that people should look into whether or not they 'believe' you as i thnik theyre relevant anyways. the way i see it, honestly, is that the idea that the game about dissociation is true no matter how you look at it. in this interpretation, that is literal while the player commentary is a metaphor to service that. while in a standard read, the player commentary is literal while the dissociation aspect still exists as an allegory. they work in tandem and so i think people would find a lot in reading your work. that would make the game more complicated, of course, which i suppose is what people are afraid of.

theres really no point in people getting mad over your opinions differing from theirs seeing at the POINT of art is to interpret it in a way that is personal and meaningful to you. as someone with different life experiences, i cant fully agree with you, but i wouldnt be surprised if by the end of the game you were right on the money. who knows exactly where tobys working from after all. not to mention how undertale pulled the same trick with making you think flowey has meta awareness before rugpulling.

i hope you have a day that is not ruined by whatever obnoxious people are certainly currently in your askbox with me.

this was a very nice thing to receive today.... thank you very much for saying so. that's all i can ever hope for when i pose my own ideas, that it'll help people consider alternate perspectives and come up with interpretations of their own that relate to their experiences too, i always just wanna open up discussion and get new angles going. and yeah you're right, people could just try to keep poking holes in my argument thinking they're pulling some absolute gotcha but unfortunately for them i'm an adult human being with better things to do, and i don't owe my time to anyone who doesn't care to understand my experiences. i know this well by now, trust me.

and don't worry, i'm very stubborn. it would take a lot for me to change my temperament just cause some dickheads online didn't like the way i expressed my points. if it were that easy, i wouldn't be where i am now, heheh. i hope you have a good day too, this was very thoughtful of you to express.

[wxsteriawishes]

zayne being a virgo

go back to masterlist

content: slight mention of death/blood

virgo sun man attributes

perfectionist, self-critical, reserved, diligent, lenient, hopeful, selfless

♍️ perfectionist ♍️ he does not take failure well. it might seem unhealthy, but he's just not used to it. everything needs to be perfect. the diagnosis, the schedule, the antidote. the chaos and clutter of his mind is confusing enough, he can't let it manifest physically. his room, his clinic, his desk, it's all organized and clean. nothing is out of place. the little things prevent him from spiraling when something goes wrong. it's his way of taking control of his life however he can.

♍️ self-critical ♍️ he holds himself to high standards and doesn't understand it when he can't meet them. he is cruel to himself. so caring with children and gentle with his patients, but so harsh to the reflection. criticizing words from others don't bother him. he is his worst judge, the most detailed critic. he never lets himself relax, always pushing to be good, better, the best. nothing's ever enough. not when there are more patients to save.

♍️ reserved ♍️ he's good with his words, specifically when it doesn't require him to let his guard down. so he just doesn't let his guard down. he doesn't often have to, and an issue never really comes up. but when he does have to be vulnerable, he can have difficulty expressing himself. it's only at first, given how quick of a learner he can be. but he may go quiet when upset, not wanting to overreact and lose control. he'll tell you he needs a moment, his voice soft. he needs someone who understands him without having to force it. the connection feels easy between you two. you love him like it's breathing and it brings him so much relief. you overwhelm him with your love, cracking at his walls, bit by bit.

♍️ diligent ♍️ he does his work. he finishes his errands. he never lets something go unattended. it's a difficult, pressuring, and frankly dreary life. but he'll do what needs to get done. it's how he proved himself in the medical field. he consistently did what needed to get done in high school, college, and med school. then in residency, before he finally made his way to akso hospital. he was trustworthy, resilient, and reliable. he never faltered, if he could help it.

♍️ lenient ♍️ lenient with others, that is. not with himself, of course. why would he do that? when he used to tutor, he never got frustrated with the slower-learning students. he never overstepped when he felt his mentors were taking their time at work. he was patient and forgiving. he didn't let anyone walk over him, but he also didn't make a scene when someone was clearly just a little insecure. it was how he racked up the favors, to so quickly advance to where he was now. it was how he got along with children so easily. never making them feel like they were any less, but also not expecting anything from them.

♍️ hopeful ♍️ he has dreams. dreams of helping others back to health. he dreams of a peaceful life, his hands maybe finally clean of the blood he's spilt. he works tirelessly to achieve these dreams, sleepless nights, silent wishes, praying to a god that won't ever answer to him again. he knows he has the potential, but what if he messes up again? what if his love for you curses him again? he has hope that he'll be able to control himself this time around. third time's the charm. . . right?

♍️ selfless ♍️ he will tear himself apart skin-to-bone to help others. zayne li is through and through a virgo, the wounded healer. he had hurt and so he stops the pain from spreading to others. he saves lives to put himself at ease. the world felt so similar to hell. innocent children die, lovers separated by illness, and he gets to survive? he constantly reminds himself of how unfair it is. his nightmares, his scarred hands, they drive his desire to be as good as he can. lest he kills someone again, he has to atone for his sins. deep down, he craves an unconditional love. a love as selfless as that which he gives to others everyday, whether he believes it or not. he hopes he's worthy of finding it.

[pearlessance]

hello! I just finished the newest part of cupids chokehold (a little late I know lol) and I was gonna gush in the reblogs but then I decided. no. this deserves a full message

I just wanted to let you know that it drove me crazy in the best and worst way possible. I was crying, tears streaming down my face, can’t breath from snot ok. the way you write is so beautiful and the way you characterize Tommy and write him just feels so correct and yet is so extremely heart breaking at the same time because HE DESERVES SO MUCH AND I LOVE HIM. my heart breaks for them every time I remember that their love and relationship are so unlikely to succeed in the long run even though they love and need each other so deeply

anyways your work is just so amazing and I have been loving the Tommy love suddenly popping up in the TLOU fandom as of recently

you’re amazing and I (platonically, non-parasocially) love you<3

omgggg i’m so glad you liked it!!! it means so much to me that you think i write tommy in an authentic way, i definitely try to and just for mentioning that....i love you back x1000000 MWAH

i have a lot to say about these two and about uncle tommy in general so....buckle up?? i'm not normal about this man!!!!

anyway i feel like tommy is a deeply insecure person tbh. like i think he's one of those people that would never admit it but he seeks his validation in the way people view him and he wants to be seen the way people see joel; as this honorable, provider archetype of man. (especially pre outbreak)

but tommy's also very impulsive and emotionally driven while joel is the opposite. which is why sometimes he makes these decisions that blow up in his face, because in hindsight they're bad, but in the moment it had felt like the right thing to do. his bad choices are almost always rooted with good intent.

and i think reader is the same in being impulsive and emotionally driven. and that's what draws them together in the beginning. they see the good intentions and understand each other in a way that no one else around them does. and tommy loves that part more than anything. the intimacy of being understood.

you view him in this raw, mirrored sort of way. and you love him even with all of his mess, and it's got him all sorts of fucked up because he never would've guessed something like that was possible.

i can't say whether they'll have a good ending or a bad one as i've not written that far yet and i usually let the story write itself as im working through it, but i can say that whatever happens uncle tommy is 100% certain that you're the "love of his life."

i think tommy was fully aware that there were only two outcomes to this since day one. but i also think really early on he'd decided for himself that it would be you or it would be no one.

[animationismycomfort]

guys what if and hear me out instead of Donnie having a crush on April they just have a weird fascination with humans

[fluentisonus]

important to gimli characterization. to me. is that while he's generous & steadfast & caring where it matters he is also just a little bit vain. not in a delusional way or a way that causes problems but like. he is aware that he's good looking & good at what he does and is pleased with himself for it. he's aware of his own good qualities & proud of them in a way that makes his friends roll their eyes a little. but he's charming & realistic about it and also Right so you can't be too annoyed. guy who takes way too long styling his hair & beard because he knows he has very nice hair. guy who will brag a little about his axework because he knows he's just that good. do you see what I'm getting at