#and using that hardship as part of their package all i want is for the buster bros to be happy goddamn 😭❤😭❤😭❤

[akkivee]

The Yamada Family's Special Curry: Hypmic Curry Drama Track TL

Jiro: A curry battle huh…? They sure came up with a weird idea this time around…

Ichiro: I also think it’s a strange concept, but I still want to prove we’re the best. Will you two help me out?

Jiro & Saburo: Of course!!

Ichiro: Glad to hear it!

Saburo: We’re used to making curry so I think we should get started immediately!

Ichiro: Ah, about that… *places down a plate* I actually went ahead and made a prototype curry!

Saburo: As expected, Ichi-nii, you prepared something beforehand!

Ichiro: If we’re going to win over everyone, we can’t just use our usual curry. I was hoping you guys could help me perfect the ultimate curry!

Saburo: Then we’ll try the prototype so we can start ameliorating any flaws it may have!!

Jiro: A-Ameli…?? I don’t get what he just said but you can leave its flavour to me!!

Ichiro: Thanks, you two! Then, why don’t you go ahead and give it a taste?

Jiro & Saburo: Absolutely! *eats*

Jiro & Saburo: Mmm??

Jiro: This isn’t the flavour of our usual curry…! Did he really forget the most important part…??

Saburo: It’s greasy and tastes terrible…! I don’t want to say something Ichi-nii made is unpleasant but…!!

Ichiro: So how is it??

Jiro: I-I’ve never had anything like it before…

Saburo: W-what did you put in it?

Ichiro: *starts bringing out ingredients* So for the roux, I decided not to use anything you can buy from the store and made a completely original spice blend! I also used domestic A5 graded black beef and fatty mackerel!

Jiro: Yeah…?

Saburo: I see…

*phone rings*

Ichiro: Sorry, I gotta take this, it’s a work call. …Hello, how may I help you?

Jiro: *downs a glass of water* Hey Saburo, what did Nii-chan do to this curry??

Saburo: How am I supposed to know?? I can only assume he was so focused on beating the competition, failed to give it any rational thought.

Jiro: Damn it…! Even though Nii-chan’s usual curry is already the most delicious…!

Saburo: My thoughts exactly! He didn’t need to use these fancy ingredients, Ichi-nii’s curry is already exquisite…!

Jiro: We gotta bring Nii-chan back to his senses!

Saburo: As loathe as I am to work hand in hand with incompetence, there’s no other way…!

Ichiro: Sorry, guys, I’m back! So, what should I add to improve the curry?

Jiro & Saburo: *nods at each other*

Jiro: Aniki, I’ll give it to you straight. No matter what you add, this ain’t gonna be our curry!

Ichiro: What??

Jiro: I get where you’re coming from, but you shouldered this by yourself without even talking to us… Isn’t that messed up?

Saburo: I feel similarly to Jiro. If we’re going up against the other divisions, shouldn’t our bonds as brothers shine through?

Ichiro: Our bonds as brothers…?

Jiro & Saburo: And so, we should use our usual curry!

Ichiro: But, if we use our usual curry, wouldn’t you be able to tell the roux uses store bought curry and ingredients that were on sale? If we want to beat the others, then—

Jiro: But that’s what makes it our curry!

Saburo: Just like with our rap as the Buster Bros!!!, there wouldn’t be any point to winning if it’s not who we are!

Ichiro: You guys… *eats the curry* …Yeah, you’re right, this isn’t our curry. I understand what you mean!

Jiro & Saburo: …!!

Ichiro: Okay, let’s head out to the store to buy the stuff we usually use in our curry!

Jiro: Yeah! Once we hit up the shopping district, I’ll find the best bargain after a few rounds around the shops!

Saburo: According to my research, the type of roux that’s favoured across multiple age generations would be one that’s a bit sweet and hits the medium range in spiciness!

Ichiro: Thanks! I’m counting on you guys!

Saburo: Oh, there’s one more thing…

Jiro: What? We’re about to head out.

Saburo: No, it’s just, since we’re going to have to sell it, doesn’t that mean we need to come up with a name for our curry? I think the usual naming conventions revolve around the main ingredients used in the product.

Jiro: We got vegetables, fish, meat… If we go off of that, we’ve just got a variety curry.

Ichiro: We don’t even have to worry about that! No matter the ingredients, this is the “Yamada Family’s Special Curry”! And with it, the three of us will beat all the rest!!

[zebulontheplanet]

I hate when people say “I wish I was nonverbal”

Cause no, you don’t. A lot of nonverbal people are nonverbal/nonspeaking from birth. They had to work hard to get to the place where they are now where their communication needs are accepted, and sometimes they’re still not. From working hard to even get an AAC device, or AAC of any kind (letter boards, low tech, etc), some don’t even have access to any type of AAC, and they need to be talked about as well.

I think people automatically assume when they hear about nonverbal/nonspeaking people, that they are automatically accepted, given a high tech AAC device, their support needs are accepted, they’re given bodily autonomy, etc. and this isn���t the case for the majority of Nonverbal/Nonspeaking individuals. The nonspeaking/nonverbal individuals that you see online that do have these, are very lucky, and are a minority of people. Nonverbal/Nonspeaking people are automatically seen as less then. Some are misdiagnosed with intellectual disability, some are told they’d never be able to handle AAC, therefore they don’t, even if they are able to handle it, no one has just tried.

Wishing you were nonverbal/nonspeaking does not automatically give you everything you want. You want the good parts of it. You don’t want the reality and bad parts of it. You don’t want the autonomy taken away, you don’t want to be underestimated, you don’t want to be institutionalized or put in group homes, you don’t want any of that. You want the small bit that you see on the internet from later in life nonverbal/nonspeaking people. Who have access to AAC, who are able to write fluently or semi-fluently, who are able to form their opinions on the internet, who have supportive parents or caregivers or friends, who don’t have their autonomy stripped away. Who aren’t forced under guardianship. You want that. And that isn’t the reality. Y’all need a reality check because that isn’t how it is for 99.9% of nonspeaking/nonverbal people.

You want to be understood. You want to use your AAC device when you need it. You want to have supportive parents. And you deserve that. However, being nonverbal/nonspeaking doesn’t bring any of that. It isn’t a packaged deal. It isn’t something that every nonspeaking/nonverbal person has. You’re completely missing the point. You’re completely missing about what nonverbal/nonspeaking people say. You’re missing the horrors that we share. The stories about harassment, bullying, abuse, neglect, etc etc.

Relying on a device and other people to communicate isn’t for the weak. It isn’t sunshine and rainbows. It’s HARD. It’s absolutely infuriating. To rely on other people all the time, to rely on a device or alternative method of communication, it’s hard. It doesn’t replace verbal speech. The world wasn’t built for nonverbal/nonspeaking people. It just wasn’t.

Stop saying this. It’s time for some reflection. Ask yourself why you’d want to cause yourself more hardships. Ask yourself why you aren’t listening to actual nonverbal and nonspeaking people. Ask yourself that then get back to me.

[hyzenthlayroseart]

I wanted to save these for when I was done with the whole project but I have a feeling the next few entries will take a long time to make since each era has so many movies (Renaissance Era, Experimental Era and the Modern Era) and I got impatient with myself so I'm posting what's done so far.

So I decided to do a project where I draw films from each Disney era together. For those who don't know about Disney's animation eras, here's a good guide: https://www.bfi.org.uk/features/many-merry-eras-disney

Disney's Package Era (aka The Wartime Era) was, as its wartime name implies, the films produced during WWII. Of course war made this a complicated time for the company as many workers were drafted into war, the European market was cut off and budgets were cut, not to mention that Walt was dealing with the Disney animator's strike in 1941. As a result of all these hardships, the films released during this time were shorts packaged together as anthology films.

An interesting part of this era's history is that in 1941, President FDR commissioned a Disney goodwill tour to South America as part of the Good Neighbor Policy since several Latin American countries had close ties to the Axis powers that the US government wanted to sever, and the films Saludos Amigos and The Three Caballeros were created as a result.

[shiningthroughpcos]

When it comes to managing Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), the science and evidence-based aspects are merely part of the process. There’s something deeply valuable in sharing personal experiences. For many of us navigating PCOS, hearing from others who have been and still remain on a similar journey to us can provide comfort, solidarity, and the kind of invaluable insights that no medical textbook or journal article can offer. Our personal stories, our hardships and successes become a bridge between medical knowledge and lived reality, offering emotional support, validation, and most importantly, a sense of community.

In this post, we'll dive into two real-world narratives from people with PCOS who have undergone LBHR, focusing on their expectations, challenges, and emotional journeys. One is Bella, one of my friends clients, and the other is a client turned good friend who have all bravely consented to me sharing their stories on their behalf. Through these stories, I hope to shed light on the complexities of laser treatment for those living with hormonal imbalances and excess hair growth, offering a more complete understanding of what it’s like to walk this path. To remind you how common it is, and to remind you that you are not alone. 

Nadia: Managing Paradoxical Hypertrichosis

Nadia, a 23-year-old woman with PCOS, has been battling hirsutism for years. By the age of 19, she had tried what seemed like every hair removal method under the sun. Off of the recommendation of a friend, she finally opted for laser-based hair reduction, hoping for smoother, hair-free skin. But after purchasing a package of around 7-8 sessions, Nadia noticed that rather than a reduction, her hair growth was increasing in some areas. Patches of thicker, coarser hair were appearing on her face and neck—an outcome completely opposite of what she had expected.

“I freaked out. I completely freaked out. I remember feeling so lost and confused, feeling like I had absolutely 0 control over my own body. I felt uncomfortable in my body, and like my femininity had been completely stripped from me. It wasn’t even the hair that bothered me, it was the excess. I don’t think there is anything worse than finally taking the leap to fix something that makes you so self-conscious, just to end up with it getting worse.” 

After finding the skin clinic I was employed at and booking in a consultation with me,  Nadia learned that what she was experiencing was common and had a name. It was called paradoxical hypertrichosis—a common side effect of laser treatments, where hair growth is triggered rather than reduced. The emotional toll was heavy. Not only did she have to deal with all of the physical changes, but the unexpected outcome left her feeling defeated and apprehensive about whether she even wanted to continue treatment.

However, with my help, we began to manage her condition. We created an individualised treatment plan based on Nadia’s individual hair assessment and switched to a different laser modality, and spaced out her sessions differently. It took some time, but the paradoxical hypertrichosis subsided within a few months. 

“I’m just really grateful I met you, if I didn't it would have taken me way longer to find help. I needed someone to help me understand more about why my body was reacting the way it was and help me manage it properly. It’s just like when I first realised I had some kind of hormonal issue. I went to the doctor like you’re supposed to, like everybody tells you to. And nobody took me seriously. I feel like the same thing happened when I went to start laser, they just wanted to sell me all these extras. I never even had a consultation that was as thorough as my first appointment with you. Nobody ever told me about the side effects, or what could go wrong. That’s why it was such a shock to me I think.”

I asked Nadia if she would be comfortable sharing her story because while I know how hard it was for her, it’s something that has happened to so many women with PCOS. I feel like her story perfectly encapsulates how important it is for service providers to conduct proper consultations, making their clients aware of the pros AND cons of lasers as a treatment. You cannot give your consent to any treatment if you are not fully informed of the potential risks like paradoxical hypertrichosis. While many people say this side effect is rare, it is not rare in my experience and it can happen to anybody and everybody. This emphasises just how important it is to find an experienced clinician who has dealt with PCOS patients and laser treatments.

Bella: Navigating Expectations

Bella, my good friend of 5 years who was diagnosed with PCOS in her late teens has struggled with excess hair growth for years. She felt immense relief when she discovered laser-based hair reduction. The idea of a "permanent" solution to hirsutism gave her hope, and she went into her first consultation with high expectations. The clinicians she saw initially gave her a great pitch about LBHR being a great treatment option for somebody looking for significant, long-term hair reduction. However, they failed to explain to her that

It was not an overnight fix

Nor was it a guarantee of complete removal—especially for someone with PCOS.

At first, she was incredibly eager. She completed her six recommended sessions, only to find that while her hair growth had slowed, it hadn't disappeared. In fact, some areas seemed to regrow more quickly than she expected. Disappointed, she realised that the hormonal imbalances caused by PCOS would continue to affect her results, meaning she’d need ongoing maintenance treatments.

“I felt so frustrated, like all my money had gone down the drain. They didn’t really explain to me properly that the laser wasn’t permanent hair removal, I feel like there should be more education around that area. But they did help me adjust my mindset after the fact. We had taken a photo at my first consultation and after my 3rd laser session. I was at my 6th session when I felt like I was unhappy because there was still some hair growth. Once they showed me my photos from earlier sessions, I realised what a big difference the sessions had made. It made me really appreciate how much better it had gotten. The hair used to be so thick, and I had hyperpigmentation in the area as well as texture from constantly shaving. I wouldn’t have realised if I hadn’t been shown those photos.” 

“I feel like I was so obsessive and particular at the start because the amount of hair growth I had felt so debilitating at times. It was literally all I could see when I looked at myself. So because I felt a lack of control over my appearance, it set my expectations real high.”

While it wasn’t the permanent solution Bella had hoped for, her journey shifted from wanting perfection to embracing her progress. She learned that managing expectations was key to making peace with the treatment and finding satisfaction in the results she did achieve.

The Power of Shared Experiences

As we come to the end of this series on LBHR for those managing PCOS, it’s clearer more than ever that this journey is deeply personal, and results can vary from one person to the other. And while we've delved deep into the science behind treatments like LBHR, it’s the shared experiences and personal stories that provide true insight into what it’s like to live with PCOS and pursue this form of hair reduction.

Whether it’s navigating the highs and lows of treatment, managing unexpected outcomes like paradoxical hypertrichosis, or finally gaining a sense of autonomy after years of struggling with hirsutism, each story reminds us of the strength it takes to seek solutions for a condition as complex as PCOS. Through the case studies and anecdotes shared in this blog, I hope you’ve found guidance, reassurance, and a deeper understanding of what LBHR can offer.

As you move forward with your own decisions about PCOS management, remember to consult with trusted clinicians, do your own research, and take comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. The emotional impact of PCOS cannot be understated, and pursuing treatments like LBHR can be both challenging and empowering all in one.

Most importantly, never underestimate the value of our shared experiences—whether they come from clinicians, friends, or other people with PCOS. Our stories are a powerful tool for understanding, connection, and, ultimately, making informed choices about how exactly to navigate your own journey.

L 🤍

[loonasketches]

Hiya its been a while how's the eclipse stickers situation going? Have they been shipped out?

Almost! I have every one of them packaged and ready to go, the only reason they haven’t been shipped out yet is mainly due to my finances being cut more than usual.

I’m still working out the packages being shipped outside the US, but all packages shipped within the US should be sent out within the next month! I want to make absolutely sure people who ordered outside the states get their stickers.

I understand most people who have waited for the stickers have waited well over a year for these and that’s pretty inexcusable on my part. Hardships or not, you guys deserve to get what you paid for!!

It’s without saying I sincerely apologize to everyone who ordered stickers and hasn’t received them. Along with my severe lack of inactivity.

Just know I haven’t forgotten about them and will make sure everyone gets their stickers soon. If you haven’t received your sticker(s) within the next month feel free to dm me and I’ll make sure you get them!

[darkcrowprincess]

Controversial opinion:

Im not going to boycott disney because it's the only form of entertainment my family can mainly afford right now. Whether its walking around free at the parks like Disney springs, or using Disney plus because its part of the package(plus my mom controls that and I cant really control my mom to do anything). Disney has always been messed up and controversial. This is not a new thing. And it's kind of hard to escape Disney when you live in Florida. I do not blame the artistic creators, music writers, regular everyday people trying to work at Disney. Artists do not have a lot of options for work if they want to work in the business. Heck regular people just trying to earn a living can not control big corporate businesses when those are the only job offers they have. The people I blame? The big money maker business men controlling everything. Those are the people I blame. I have very little power. Very little. The only power I have is voting and rebloging stuff that's important, and trying to do small acts of kindness whenever I can. So is Disney as a whole bad and we should all boycott? It's complicated. That's my opinion about it. Everything about all of this is complicated and unfair. Especially to the people who are fucking dying over bits of land and money. All this is doing is creating more hate and hardship for people especially for civilians trying to live their lives. Me personally, emotionally I'm trying to get through the fucking day and not off myself in my dark moments. So I will continue to do the best that I can do. Is it enough? Probably not and I already hate myself for it. But I have to keep trying. But at the end of the day my family comes first. My mental health comes first. I know it makes me sound selfish, but I will not let anything happen to my family no matter what. If that gets me hate. Fine. I'm use to it.

(Don't like don't read. Post hate and I'll block you!)

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

11/8/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription part 3

Prayer

Father, we thank you for your truth. We thank you that you are truth. We pray for truth. We look for truth. We look for truth in information. We look at in so many different sources. And here it is staring us in the face today Ringing in our ears. That when we Neglect the least of these. We are ultimately neglecting you. I pray that when we look around, we will see with new eyes, we will hear with new ears, and we will be doers, Not just hearers, but doers of your word. And we thank you, the God of all truth I thank you, Jesus, that you are the way, the truth and the life. May we be representatives Of the way, The truth, And the life. And I pray this now in the name of the Father, Son, And the Holy Spirit, Amen. That's going to do it for me today. I'm Jill will turn the page together tomorrow.One more day closer to being entirely through the Bible together in a year. What a journey it's been and what a journey that will continue. I'm Jill, Love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Hey, my superb DABC. This is Kingdom Seeker Daniel family. Let's pray. Father come on behalf of a first time caller whose a sister that Has experienced a number of accidents with sons involved and while we pray first of all that you would heal her and mend any injuries and allow her in their sons to recover From these incidents, Lord, and we just pray that their minds are at rest as well as their bodies. And then Lord, for the teaching assignment that this sister has taken on. She seems to be having some challenges, Lord, and so we pray that you would overwhelm her with your peace, give her a sense of your presence.To know that you are with her and you are navigating her through the process, let this teaching assignment begin to flow in a in a way that will not cause tension for her. We just lift her and her sons up to you in Jesus name and then for our sister Deanne from Tennessee.God, you see the heartache and the hardship that this sister is going through where her husband has walked away from the marriage and is moving forward into an adulterous relationship.God, just as you stood in the way of Balaam.From trying to curse your people, I ask you to stand in the way of this man who is foolishly moving in a way that will bring detriment to himself, and perhaps that young lady God, would you bring this man to the end of himself in the beginning of you?Turn his life around, turn his mind around, and mendy this marriage in Jesus name. Amen.

Hey family. Good morning. This is your sister Kim in Kentucky's. Been awhile since I've called in. It's Friday morning.November the Third headed to work, and I just wanted to call in for a few people. I'm always listing. I don't call him very often, but I heard my sister Marilyn from New Hampshire calling for her husband Ken, and back in 2019 was it?I met them through the DAB Israel trip, and I still have the.Little package of Dead Sea mud that she gave me. And so Marilyn, I love you and I'm praying for Kim's healing.Also for Simone this morning, Simone. Hey y'all hey hey sister. Came in, you know, saying something sort of that was on my heart. The devil wants to keep you looking down and regret, and I just encourage you.Also to look up, and I also would encourage you in honor of your sister, invite a friend or someone maybe that you can go out and you can do the things with that you are regretting.Not getting to do with your sister, Do that with a friend in her honor and look out and the devil is a loser when we look out to be a blessing to someone else. And then lastly Tonya, my sister who calls in and prays for so many but was lifted up in prayer.And that reminded me of Jobe, How Job when he prayed for his friends, God turned his.Curse around and that's what's going to happen with you. You are blessed love. Y'all.Good morning dear BC it's Renee has redeemed daughter. I finally got back on and I just wanted to come on and.Just say thank you Jill for today's reading November 4th.Um.Gosh.Even your commentary and.Just everything that Jesus said and loving the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, all your mind and all your strength.And to love others as yourself.And how we sometimes do not do this and we don't always put Jesus first in everything.Umm, I just pray for every person out there. There's so many that need prayer. Simone, you're you're on our heart. You're on my heart.Um, Daniel with you two?Um chastity from Kansas.Diana from Florida.Everybody who calls in I haven't heard from.Oh, the lady that always called Victoria Soldier.How are you anyways? I haven't been on here for a while, but I just want to thank Jill and I want to thank God. And I want to thank God for forgiving us.And for dying for us and for loving us so much. Because you're right. Sometimes we just don't even think that. Well, we know that we're not worthy, but then we think, and we put ourselves down.Think that we're just not good enough. But we are in his eyes. So thank you, Jill.For today's reading, again, thank you God for Jesus.And thank you for letting me get back on this podcast. I love you all. Praying for everybody. God bless in Jesus. 

[tyonfs]

i like me better (when i’m with you)

PAIRING ▸ jeong jaehyun x fem!reader 

GENRES ▸ friends to enemies to lovers, college au, sports, friends with benefits, smut, crack, fluff 

WARNINGS ▸ sexual !! tension !! lots of it, smut (public sex, fingering, hate sex, raw sex, pool sex, oral sex), mark lee cockblocking, also yes, there’s actual fluff

SUMMARY ▸ there was no one else on the planet that made your blood boil like jeong jaehyun did. you never thought your feelings toward him were anything past pure hatred, but when you were lost in the feeling of his lips on yours and his hands on your body, you couldn’t help but think that maybe a part of you didn’t completely hate his guts. 

PLAYLIST ▸ i like me better by lauv • unravel me by sabrina claudio

WORD COUNT ▸ 11896 words

TAG LIST ▸ @gotoartistprofile @chanluster​ @steamyjaehyun

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ big shoutout to fia for hyping me up to complete this and i hope you guys enjoy it !! thank you so much for reading ♡ part of the dunk shot! series but can be read separately!

SOMETIMES, THE AMOUNT OF HATRED YOU HAD FOR JEONG JAEHYUN AMAZED YOU.

To the average human being, Jeong Jaehyun was, in a sense, perfect. On the surface, he was everyone’s trademark Golden Boy—good grades, athletic, and a seemingly good personality. The last point, however, was a complete and utter lie. Simply put, Jaehyun was a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you, unfortunately, wound up becoming his target.

If it weren’t for your love for cheerleading, you probably would never have to see Jaehyun, but your passion came with a price. Competitors were often asked a series of questions, and these questions typically included inquiring about your hardships as an athlete. If someone were to ask you what the hardest part of being a cheerleader was, your answer would not be what they expected.

It wasn’t getting back up after bad falls that left you with bruises and a concussion. It wasn’t dealing with the basketball team’s aftermath of a devastating loss and having to cheer them on through it. It wasn’t waking up extra early for morning practices, or having to push yourself to run miles in the sweltering heat. Hell, it wasn’t even dealing with the horny basketball team members at afterparties.

It was the annual training camp.

Every winter, the team attended a week-long training session along with several other teams in the city. With state-of-the-art facilities and a massive training center, the training camp was an event that the entire team looked forward to. Although the training was brutal, the luxury of the hotel rooms and the gourmet meals had made up for all of that. Yet, despite all of that, the camp itself was still hell for you.

It wasn’t all bad, though. In fact, you indulged in the concept of a training camp, delighted with the opportunity to meet cheerleaders from different universities. A handful of your friends from high school had joined teams at different universities, so it was exciting to get to see them all again. All in all, it was the whole package deal: friends, your favorite sport, and fun times. What could possibly ruin that?

Well, a certain someone by the name of Jeong Jaehyun could, and that wonderful individual incensed your fury quite like no other.

“You again,” you spat, clutching your duffel bag strap. You had just gotten off the bus to head into the hotel, but the devil himself was blocking your way.

“Y/N,” the devil cooed, “do you need help carrying that?”

“I’m fine.”

You shrugged Jaehyun off and tried to move past him, but the bane of your existence had other plans. He tossed you a small carton of milk; it was the kind you could buy at a vending machine. Your reflexes kicked in just in time for you to catch it, giving him a questioning look.

“You should be drinking more milk, Y/N. It’s good for you,” Jaehyun said. You were sure he was going to make a snide comment so you opened your mouth to protest, but he continued, “Jaemin likes big tits, you know?”

Ouch.

You and Jaehyun went farther back than you’d like to admit. While you did currently attend different universities, you had the joyous experience of going to the same high school as him. He wasn’t too different now; he had the same dimpled smile, the same godly features, and the same cocky smirk when things were going the way he planned. What was different was that you two were once friends.

And what took the cake? You had a big crush on his friend and fellow teammate. Introducing Na Jaemin, everyone.

It wasn’t like you never got over Jaemin, but you had to admit that your heart still fluttered pitifully whenever you saw him. It didn’t help that he was so breathtakingly beautiful, so undeniably genuine, and such a sweetheart. Unfortunately, Jaehyun knew of your little secret. Being the conniving little snake he was, he used it to his advantage.

Ever since your fallout with him in your senior year of high school, you’ve hated Jeong Jaehyun, and you were sure he hated you right back. It almost felt akin to the competition at this point, and you were a pretty sore loser. Honestly, you were sad initially when he broke off your friendship in senior year and threw crude insults at you. You normally didn’t let things get to you, but it hurt to hear that your best friend didn’t want anything to do with you after you had told him you were going to a different university. You were sure the both of you had grown past that, but now he had changed from a sincere highschooler to a complete low-life piece of shit.

“You’re a douche, Jaehyun,” you sneered.

A grin spread across his face. “Yeah, I know.”

You scoffed. “God, if I could, I would smash that pretty face into—”

“Hey!” a loud voice laced with trepidation interjected. It was your best friend on your school’s basketball team, Mark Lee, coming to your rescue; or, rather, he was trying to prevent you from doing something you’d most probably regret. He shot Jaehyun a warning look and slung an arm around your shoulders. “Y/N, what’re you doing here? We have to check into our hotel rooms.”

You looked back at Jaehyun to see a smug look on his face before he turned to catch up to Taeyong and Jaemin. You looked back up at Mark, who was also keeping an eye out for the demon in disguise.

“Thanks for getting me out of that mess,” you mumbled. “That guy is so infuriating. I can’t believe he still brings up Jaemin when I’m clearly over him!”

Your words were sharp enough that Mark and the people around you flinched, even if they weren’t completely paying attention to your rant. It was common knowledge that Jaehyun’s presence left you in low spirits, and Mark had come to terms that you would always be in a bitter mood during the training camp, and that there was only one person to blame for it.

Mark shot you a sympathetic look that you knew was intended to show his helpfulness, but instead just served to make you appear all the more bitter.

“Why don’t you just ignore him?” he suggested. “He’s just looking for a reaction out of you.”

“If I let him get the last word, then he wins.”

“At least he’d stop bothering you,” Mark reasoned as you both made your way to where your team had gathered by the reception desk.

“Is this about Jaehyun again?” Zhong Chenle chimed in, a devilish grin plastered across his face. “You’re a handful, Y/N.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” you snapped.

Chenle just stared at you, arching a brow as if the answer should have been obvious. “You and Jaehyun,” he said, “there’s some tension there.”

“Wow, Sherlock Holmes. Observant, aren’t you?” you spat, words dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve hated each other for years. Of course there’s tension.”

Johnny Suh snorted, averting his gaze as to not bring attention to himself. Chenle rolled his eyes, a delighted smile on his face as he watched you carefully, digging into his bag of chips in the meantime.

“Y/N, I think he means a different kind of tension,” Mark said.

“What kind of tension?” you asked, shocking the rest of them with your surprisingly innocent response. In retrospect, it was more because you couldn’t imagine the answer being anything past the realm of hatred.

While they all hesitated to respond, Johnny spoke up, “He meant the ‘I wanna beat you up and then have rough sex with you’ kind of tension.”

You immediately froze—long enough for Chenle to take a picture of your reaction—the expression on your face a cross between incredulity and visceral rage. You must have looked like a ticking time bomb because Mark had to take a cautious step back.

“Come again? Rough sex?” You were well aware of how strangled and pitched your voice sounded as soon as it escaped your lips, how guilty it sounded, but you couldn’t focus on that as the weight of Johnny’s words were sinking in. “Jaehyun and I?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Johnny answered.

“That’s a lie.”

“Yeah? Then why do you two always look at each other so weird?”

You didn’t know how to defend yourself now so you just said, “He’s a bastard and I would never see him in any other way.”

“You say that now but we all know—”

“Alright, let’s drop it,” Mark said, trying to defuse the situation before you blew it up into an argument. “I would rather go rest in my hotel room rather than bear witness to a homicide.”

“Fine, fine,” Johnny relented.

You scoffed and jabbed at his foot with yours before letting the topic go. Your squabbles with them were all in good nature, but this one somehow put you off. It was like Johnny had planted the seeds and were waiting for them to grow. You were starting to mull over every interaction you’ve had with Jeong Jaehyun.

Johnny and Chenle had made a startlingly accurate observation. You and Jaehyun did look at each other for a little too long sometimes, nearly to the point where it seemed like you were basking in the attention of the other—

No fucking way.

You were not going down that path. There was nothing more to your relationship with Jeong Jaehyun than pure hatred and resentment. He was a douchebag who was intent on making you feel like shit. His only motive was to start shit again between you and Jaemin, who you would’ve completely forgotten by now if it weren’t for him.

No way. There was absolutely no undercurrent of desire that was creeping its way to be uncovered.

Or was there? a small, treacherous part of your mind offered.

You were lost in your thoughts as the coaches handed you your room key, as you waited for your roommate who was some girl named Eunha from the other school, as you made your way to your room on the fifth floor.

The only thing you could think about were those long stares, those mesmerizing eyes, and the implication behind them. You always attributed it to Jaehyun being a hormonal teenage boy, but you had to admit that you’ve seen him look at you with some semblance of lust. Perhaps that same feeling was buried far in the depths of your consciousness, too.

Could you possibly be attracted to the devil incarnate, Jeong Jaehyun?

No, you argued with yourself, and shit, even your frontal lobe sounded pretty unconvinced. He’s a petty bastard and that’s all he’ll ever be.

You instilled the mantra of you and Jaehyun being sworn enemies in your head, but you couldn’t help the fact that it was peppered by the memories of an irritatingly familiar smirk. You scowled, willing your head to get rid of all-things-Jeong-Jaehyun, but he was right there.

Literally.

He was standing right in front of you.

“Hey, neighbor,” he teased, all too satisfied with the horrified look on your face. “Guess you can’t get rid of me.”

You were falling when you jolted awake.

A groan tore its way past your lips. You made sure you didn’t disrupt Eunha’s sleep before you recounted your dream. It had been a while since you’ve had one, and realization was morphing into shame when you realized what kind of dream it was. You’ve never had a wet dream before but what made you want to astral project yourself into oblivion was when you realized that Jaehyun caused it.

After tossing and turning for a couple of minutes in a desperate attempt for sleep to overcome you once more, you came to terms with the fact that you were staying awake for now. Staying awake was worse, though, because there was no way you could keep the intruding thoughts at bay. Not with the way Jeong Jaehyun kept flashing behind your eyelids, at least.

You considered how to spend the rest of your night, surveying your options as you stared up at the ceiling:

Watch season three of Riverdale on Netflix so you could make fun of it.

Attempt to sleep, but with little success because there was no way you were going back to bed after that dream.

Count the slacks of the window’s blinds even though it would be pointless because what the fuck were you going to do with that information?

It was truly astounding how interesting your life was.

You couldn’t think clearly with Eunha’s soft snoring, so you grabbed your keys and pushed the door open carefully to keep it from squealing. After your delicate movements to escape your room quietly, you leaned against the wall and let out a sigh of relief. You weren’t too keen on someone scolding you in the middle of the night for being outside, but you needed to clear your head somewhere. You packed for weather that was balmy, but the air conditioner carried a bite to it that made you wish you hadn’t just worn shorts and a tank top to bed.

You could practically hear Mark mocking you if he were here: Are you in the right headspace, Y/N?

You shook your head, getting your provoking best friend out of there, but instead, you found yourself wandering into dangerous territory again.

Johnny and Chenle were parroting the same words over and over again in your head. You wished you could use your metaphysical hands in your head and squeeze the life out of them, but they always flew out of your grasp. You clicked your tongue absentmindedly, your annoyance rehashing itself as your mind gravitated back to Jeong Jaehyun with his stupid smirk and annoyingly persistent cockiness. It was almost pitiful that you hated his guts and yet you couldn’t deny the magnetism he carried, the pull that made your breath hitch when he met your eyes.

His presence was announced by the change in the air more than anything else. You didn’t have to see him to know he was there. You clenched your jaw; you couldn’t catch a break from him even during the ungodly hours of the night.

He was unavoidable.

He hummed with amusement. “Look who’s here.”

“What are you doing up this late? Go to bed.”

You didn’t even bother to look at him because there was one thing you were sure of and it was that you could not look at his sickeningly attractive face right now. Jaehyun didn’t move, blatantly ignoring your order. The tension was so thick that you wanted to storm away, but you knew he would follow you just to piss you off.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he said. “You should be the one resting up. You cheerleaders always train until you’re near death.”

“Can’t sleep,” was your curt response.

He laughed once, a short sound that was pretty much gone the moment it hit your eardrums. “What? You get nightmares or something?”

“So what if I do?” you retaliated, getting oddly defensive. It was a given that you’d lie about getting a nightmare over a wet dream. “It’s none of your business.”

He laughed again but this time it was lower, more dangerous. “It’s my business when it concerns you.”

“I have and will never be your business, Jeong Jaehyun.”

He leaned against the wall. “I beg to differ.”

“Then keep begging.”

“If you say so.”

“Jaehyun,” you interrupted your own banter. “What’s the point of this conversation? Just go back to your room so we can go back to not talking to each other.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

“That’s unfortunate,” you said. “I don’t want to talk to you, so go find someone who does.”

“We don’t have to talk.” Suddenly, his voice sounded closer, and you forced your gaze down at the strangely-patterned hotel carpet.

You swallowed thickly. “I’m here to clear my head. I don’t want you to hover around me for the rest of the night.”

“Actually, I had something else in mind.”

He closed in on you, one of his hands skimming up the soft skin of your arm. A shudder ran down your spine as you felt his fingers travel up to your shoulder, your collarbone, and then the side of your neck. With a swift movement, he caged you in his arms, biceps flexing as he did.

What was going on? You couldn’t quite keep up with the situation but the way Jaehyun was looking down at you made you feel hot. It was exactly like your dream—

“Holy fuck, Jaehyun.”

You couldn’t stop the words from escaping your lips when you felt his hot breath on your neck. Your head went fuzzy and you were pretty sure your knees were ready to buckle under you. The corner of Jaehyun’s lip lifted into a smirk as if he had been planning this. You mustered a scowl at him but one thing was clear: you screwed yourself over by getting into this situation.

Damn it. You knew you should’ve watched season three of Riverdale instead

Also, Chenle and Johnny were right. Not that you’d ever tell them that; put simply, you were a sore loser.

Lust was swimming in Jaehyun’s eyes. The way he caged you felt predatory, a show of dominance rather than passion. That smirk of his carved in deeper, and it only pissed you off. Yet, as much as it pissed you off, all you wanted him to do was just ruin you.

Your pride was too strong, though, and you concluded that you would rather stick a fork in your eye than let Jaehyun do what he wanted. This sparked a dilemma in your head: to fuck or not to fuck Jaehyun, that was the question. One sounded like a pretty uneventful night, while the other sounded appealing save for the self-loathing you’d experience afterward.

“You want me, Y/N,” he cooed. “I know you do.”

“I hate you.”

“Trust me, I know.”

“I mean it, Jaehyun,” you hissed. Your head was screaming at you to just go with it, but denying Jaehyun’s advances and provokes was just natural instinct to you. “I don’t want you. Stop lying to yourself.”

“Is that so? I think you’re the liar here,” he replied easily as you dodged his attempt to kiss you.

You pushed at his muscular arm but he didn’t budge. For a moment, you strongly considered just dropping to the ground and crawling out from under his legs, but you were done for. Seconds later, Jaehyun’s hand flew up, long fingers digging into the soft flesh of your face as he forced your chin upward to look at him directly. The lust in his eyes was so clear, so alluring, and it made you stop struggling for a second.

“I’m not going to ask you again. Let go of me.”

“Good, it’s a waste of breath.”

“Has anyone ever told you how infuriating you are?”

“You did. Many times.”

“Just fuck off already.”

Your words were like poison, but for some odd reason, Jaehyun was immune to it. Any reasonable person would at least flinch, but Jaehyun was so fixated on his one goal. Again, he didn’t budge. He gazed into your eyes with a fierce intensity that threw you off.

“Just let me fucking kiss you, Y/N.”

His smirk was gone. He wasn’t teasing you anymore. Jaehyun’s eyes darkened with his command.

He leaned in and you could feel his hot breath fanning your lips, drinking in your appearance. You were pulled into his trap and you hated yourself for it. You swallowed hard as all of your worries about being with Jaehyun and getting caught had started to fade away. All you could do was yield to him.

“Fine,” you whispered.

“Good girl,” was all he got out before basically smashing your lips together.

It was rushed, messy, and way too rough. Jaehyun grabbed the back of your neck, his other arm still locking you in place. Your hands moved from gripping at the front of his shirt to slowly wrapping around his neck. You weren’t sure how you felt, but there was something that made you want to tangle your fingers in his hair and get lost in him.

The moment Jaehyun’s tongue slid along the crease of your lips, you were conflicted. You weren’t exactly sure what to do so he took the reins. You wondered if he was expressing his pent-up hatred as well. It was clear in the way he was taking prying your mouth open with his tongue, snaking his hot muscle to dance with yours as if he had something to prove. He wanted you to see that he was the dominant one, that he had leverage over the situation.

But when he broke away, he flipped the switch. The both of you were left catching your breath, Jaehyun resting his forehead against yours in a feeling that had a weird sort of intimacy stemming from it. His hand dropped from your neck to brush messy locks of hair behind your shoulders.

Well, that explained why humans were so tempted by the devil.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Jaehyun grinned down at you.

You fought down the shyness that was creeping into your chest. Before you could respond, the both of you turned your heads at the sound of footsteps. A flashlight glimpsed by you when you saw two dark figures at the end of the hall. It didn’t sound like your coach, but you weren’t too keen on sticking around to figure out who it was.

“Son, how in the world did you get locked out of your room this late?” one of them asked.

“I’m telling you, I needed to use the bathroom so I went outside without my key, and then I remembered the bathroom was in the room.”

That voice was most definitely Mark.

“Hey!” the security guard scolded when he saw you two. “What are you kids doing? It’s late!”

“You’re on your own.” You pushed Jaehyun away from you and fumbled for your keys before Mark or the security guard could spot you. “Bye.”

You jammed your key in, not worried about waking up your roommate anymore. All you could hear was Jaehyun growling out a short string of curses before you shut the door behind him and leaned against it. Your head was still reeling in what had just happened, but that kiss had left you in the clouds. You could feel the ghost of his lips on yours. Dazed, you just fell onto your bed, into the entrancing clutches of sleep.

You were exhausted when you woke up, and you blamed Jaehyun for it.

You weren’t in the proper condition for training; you hadn’t gotten enough sleep and your head was a mess (well, you supposed you were the only one to blame for the latter). You forgot to set your alarm so you woke up to Eunha shaking you gently, coaxing you into stirring. She was already dressed, tying her hair up in a ponytail. You all but jumped out of bed when you saw her, thinking you were late.

“What time is it?” you asked groggily, rubbing the sleep from your eyes as you stood up and tried to adjust to the morning light.

“You’ve still got plenty of time,” she assured you. “I just like to get ready early so I can go for a quick run.”

“Ah, okay. Have fun,” you mumbled before she left the room, leaving you to drag yourself around the room to get ready. You heard a knock at the door and went to open it, assuming it was Eunha forgetting her keys. Your eyes narrowed when you saw who it was. “Jaehyun?”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” His voice was somewhere between a pant and a rasp as if he had been working out, which he probably was judging by the sheen of sweat on his biceps.

“Were you waiting for Eunha to leave?” you asked. “You’re disgusting. Why would you think about me?”

“I was thinking about how much of a bitch you are for running away and letting me get in trouble like that.”

“Pity.” You mocked a pout for him. “Now move. I have to get ready.”

“Let me in.”

You made a face at the thought. You knew where he was going with this and you needed to stop it. “No. You’re disgusting.”

“You liked it last night.”

His eyes searched yours in the dim light, looking for something that unfortunately was there: longing. You were never the greatest at hiding your emotions, which was why you couldn’t lie to yourself and refuse Jaehyun. Screw your transparency. Jaehyun grinned at your silence and took a step in your room when you opened your door wider for him.

You closed the door. “I hated every second of it,” you said in a childish attempt to get on his nerves.

You were a terrible liar.

Your back was against the door in a second. You could only let out a soft gasp before he kissed you, hands on your waist, slowing his movements unlike the hurriedness from last night. It was foreign, the way he kissed you like you were the only girl he saw. You pulled away quickly but it just left the both of you staring at each other’s lips.

“You sure about that?” His lips curled into a smirk.

“Don’t get me wrong,” you warned in a low voice, “I still hate your guts.”

“As I’m reminded of every single time I see you,” he returned coolly.

“Fuck off.”

This time, you pulled him down to kiss him again. You fisted your hand into his hair, tugging at his dark locks as your lips moved smoothly against his. Caught off guard, Jaehyun groaned, low and deep against your lips.

The two of you separated again before Jaehyun said, “See? I know you want me. Only I can make you feel this good, Y/N.”

You scoffed. “We’ll see about that.”

Jaehyun’s eyes darkened at the challenge. To prove his point, he pushed his knee up and between your legs, pressing against your clothed cunt. A gasp escaped your lips, the fingers curled in his hair instinctively tightening. You bit your lip but to no avail; a whimper escaped your lips as soon as he started pulsing his knee against you. You grabbed onto his shoulders for leverage, burying your face into his chest while bunching up the thin fabric of his shirt.

You wanted to hold back your moans because you were adamant about not giving Jeong Jaehyun the satisfaction of hearing you moan. Instead, you shifted your hips so that the pressure of his knee became more intense. Sparks flew behind your eyelids as he bounced his knee under you.

He finally released the tight grip he had on your waist in favor of palming one of your breasts, squeezing it firmly through your shirt and bra. All the while, he continued ramming his knee against the apex of your legs. He kept his eyes on yours and you scowled at the thought of him getting off on seeing you crumble in front of him. But you couldn’t stop yourself. He wanted to completely and utterly ruin you, wanted to fuck you in and shut you up.

The worst part was that you wanted to let him.

“You’re so cute when you’re like this,” he mused, slowly rubbing his knee in circles against you. “God, you’re still wearing that fucking tank top.”

“You’re such a—ah!”

He groped your chest again, thumb pressing down on your nipple. Another whimper escaped you as Jaehyun grazed his lips down your neck, nipping at the supple skin. You only got louder as the kisses turned into bites.

He ignored you and removed his hand. Instead, he tugged the neckline of your tank top down, delighted at the loose straps sliding down your shoulders. He yanked it down to your waist so you were exposed to him, and you swore you heard his breath hitch. Jaehyun pinched your nipple with two fingers, drawing out a moan that drove him crazy. He buried his face into your neck, sucking and making you quiver under him.

“Didn’t you say I had small tits earlier?” you jeered, a teasing lilt to your tone.

“Yeah, I still stand by that,” he replied, resulting in you punching his shoulder.

“Asshole.”

“Hey, I never said it wasn’t cute.”

“You’re such a softie,” you grumbled, but your voice was gentler than before. It was almost like you were warming up to Jeong Jaehyun, and you hated the mere thought of that.

Jaehyun pulled away from your neck. “Y/N, I want you to suck me off,” he demanded.

“I refuse.”

“Be a good girl and do it for me.”

You swore you’d go crazy if he called you ‘good girl’ one more time. You were pretty revolted at the thought of sucking his dick, but the way he looked so fragile under your hold made you want to do it for the power rush. It was like some cheap porno in a way; ‘College Jock Gets Sucked Off By Cheerleader.’ You bet half the members on the team beat their meat to something similar to that.

Your shoulders sagged. “Fine. Get on the bed.”

Jaehyun groaned at your approval. “Thank you, thank you, thank you,” he said, letting go of you to pull down his sweats on his way to your bed. He sat at the edge of it, tugging the elastic of his boxers down. You swallowed hard, tugging your tank top back up as you stared at his painfully hard erection springing out.

You got on your knees in front of him, lips parted in anticipation of taking in his length. Your hair fell over your face, which Jaehyun took notice of and held it back in a fist. Taking a deep breath, you wrapped your hand around his cock. It was rock solid to the touch and twitched at your grip. Glancing up at an eager Jaehyun, you pumped the length of it once, inciting a groan from him.

You wrapped your lips around the head of his cock, rousing a strangled noise from his throat. He looked down at you through half-lidded eyes, messy strands of your hair tangling in his fingers while his other hand was gripping the stiff hotel sheets. Then, you took him in fully at his encouragement (which was more of him just grabbing the back of your head and pushing it down on his cock).

“Shit,” he breathed out before slowly moving his hips in and out of your mouth. It was like iron wrapped around velvet, and he was relishing how hot your mouth felt.

He pushed your head down further and right as you gagged on his length, there was a knock at the door.

“Y/N!” Mark’s voice sounded from the other side. “Are you coming for breakfast?”

You pulled off of him with a pop, a string of saliva dripping off your lips. Your eyes were wide as you lunged for your phone, checking the texts. Meanwhile, Jaehyun just frowned down at you, looking up at the ceiling with a frustrated sigh.

“Holy fuck,” you muttered when you looked at the time. You called out to Mark, “Give me a minute!”

“Perfect,” Jaehyun said in a low voice and held the back of your head, attempting to push you down on him. “We can finish up now.”

“Are you an idiot?” you hissed, swatting at his hand. “I have to get out of here before Mark finds out you’re in here.”

Ignoring your state of panic, Jaehyun said, “You look so hot with drool on your chin.”

That was the most disgusting thing you had ever heard, and if it weren’t for Mark being on the other side of the door where you and Jaehyun were screwing around, you would have beat the living daylights out of him. Only a creep like Jeong Jaehyun could find something like drool sexy. You scowled at him and wiped it off with the back of your hand.

“Put your dick away,” you scolded. “Hide in the closet and you can leave when I’m gone.”

He rolled his eyes at you and stood up, making his way to the bathroom. “I need to get rid of the problem you caused.”

You had no time to complain about him jerking off in your bathroom. Mark was not a very patient man, so as soon as Jaehyun closed the door behind him, you stripped off your pajamas and threw on whatever was at the top of your suitcase. You brushed your teeth at the speed of light, using your other hand to brush down your hair. After you laced up your shoes, you opened the door to Mark looking at you suspiciously.

“You’re never late,” he pointed out.

“I couldn’t sleep last night,” you said. In your defense, it wasn’t a complete lie.

“Oh, by the way,” Mark started, “can I use your bathroom real quick?”

“No!” you exclaimed, pushing him away from your room and in the direction of the elevator. “My roommate, um, is… on her period—yeah, you don’t want to see that mess.”

Another reason why you hated Jeong Jaehyun was for giving you reasons to lie when you were a terrible liar.

Training was long and grueling. Your bones were mush and your muscles ached, pins and needles shooting through you every time you moved. As your teammates dragged you to get dinner with them, you couldn’t even resist because you were so drained.

The one thing you loved about training was that you could wear whatever you wanted, whereas you were confined to tight skirts and crop tops at your university. Now, you could rest in whatever position you wanted without worrying about exposing anything, so you didn’t hesitate to manspread as soon as you got to the cafeteria table.

“Did you guys hear about Jaehyun from the other school?” one of the girls gossiped. “Looks like he was fooling around with someone last night.”

You were grounded back into reality from whatever dimension you were floating about in. Your teammates were perplexed as you choked on air, hitting your chest to stop yourself from coughing. You were handed a glass of water, which you gingerly accepted and drank until your body had calmed down.

“Ah, sorry, Y/N,” your teammate apologized. “I forgot you and Jaehyun have bad blood between you.”

“You’re good,” you told her, waving it off. “I was surprised for a second, but I guess it makes sense for a guy like him to go around hooking up.” Then, silence fell. You were confused as they all looked at you with a puzzled look. “What? Am I stereotyping too harshly? My bad.”

“No, it’s not that,” another chimed in. “A lot of girls go around hitting on him, but Jaehyun never lays a hand on them. I thought it was common knowledge that he doesn’t do that sort of stuff, but I guess it makes sense that you don’t care about the details.”

That was news to you.

“Yeah,” you replied distantly. “I don’t care.”

So Jaehyun doesn’t hook up, was what you happened to hear around the grapevine, and he most definitely doesn’t hook up with his enemies.

You stood up in the middle of your dinner. “I gotta go,” you said. “I’ll see you girls tomorrow.”

You actually weren’t very sure where Jaehyun was, but you figured if you walked around enough, you’d run into him or someone from his team. You headed out of the canteen and walked to the basketball courts, expecting to see him dribbling a bar or doing reps. But the first person you saw was Na Jaemin, and he noticed you immediately, eyes sparkling with recognition.

“Y/N!” he greeted cheerfully. “It’s been so long.”

That infectious smile of his was plastered across his face, making a small one creep to your lips. If Jaehyun smiled like that more, then you could understand his charm, but he was always so moody around you. He either did something to get on your nerves or he would just flat-out ignore you. Furthermore, he always riled you up instead of offering you that warm security that Jaemin emanated—

Wait, why were you comparing him to Jaehyun?

“Sorry,” you apologized meekly. “Am I interrupting your practice time?”

“No, it’s cool. We were just messing around in here,” Jaemin replied. “Are you looking for someone?”

You looked into Jaemin’s eyes and your thoughts slowed. He made you feel safe, warm, but that was all; there was no fire, no rage, no heat. It was just a shallow attraction that fizzled out, leaving you neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. And you clawed at your brain as you wondered what you were getting at, but you knew. You knew it was all going back to Jaehyun.

And it pissed you off.

“I was looking for Jaehyun,” you said, “if he happened to be in here.”

“He told me he was going for a swim,” Jaemin said, and that was all you needed.

Before Jaemin could respond, you thanked him and turned on your heel. The pool was in a separate building, and there was no training that even required swimming, so it made no sense for Jaehyun to be there. You let out a frustrated sigh. Even when he wasn’t doing anything in particular to annoy you, it still managed to anger you.

You weren’t going to let Jaehyun do what he wanted this time. This was merely for interrogation—your own personal gain. Then, you thought it over some more, and you reasonably concluded that there was a 97.5% chance that you would not lay a finger on him, but there was a 2.5% chance you’d cave.

When you got to the facility where the pool was, you were entranced by the renovation at first. The pool was massive and the equipment was lined up so neatly along the walls. You peered through the glass to see the pool completely empty save for Jaehyun in the hot tub.

He met your eyes while you opened the door to the pool. His eyebrow arched at your entrance but a smirk settled on his lips as you neared him. You tried to push down your lust; you were not letting him get to you again. You crouched down by the side of the pool and Jaehyun moved so he was facing you, holding onto the edge of the hot tub.

“What brings you here?’ he asked, playfully flicking some water in your direction.

You flinched and scrunched up your nose at his action. “I heard you don’t do hookups.”

“You heard correctly.”

“So what am I?”

“You’re Y/N.”

You were a coward. Admittedly, you had probably always been running away from your own problems, deflecting your feelings with unbridled hate that had no direction, no meaning. Underneath your blunt and fiery front was pure cowardice. Even now, you refused to admit anything to yourself.

You didn’t want to accept that maybe you actually liked Jeong Jaehyun.

Maybe you’ve always liked him.

“Don’t be stupid, Jaehyun,” you grumbled. “You’ve always hated me.”

“I think you just want to believe I hate you. Is that how you suppress your feelings?”

“How long have you liked me for, then? Days?”

“Years.”

You paused for a moment as you recounted your interactions with Jaehyun. It was true that he never explicitly said he hated you and that you always started the arguments, but he was the one who broke off your friendship. Why would he do that if he didn’t hate you?

“You said you wanted nothing to do with me, Jaehyun,” you said in a smaller voice, fist balling at your side.

“You were going to a different university.” He ran a hand through his damp hair, and although you were angry, it was difficult not to enjoy the view. “Plus, you just kept going on and on about Jaemin, and I couldn’t even shut that mouth of yours up back then.”

“So you cut me off?”

“I felt like I was being petty, so I tried to apologize but you blocked my number and wouldn’t let me come near you,” Jaehyun deadpanned. He reached forward and grabbed your wrists, pulling you closer to him. You teetered on the balls of your feet, swallowing hard. “Forgive me?”

“No.”

Jaehyun rose up a little so he was eye-to-eye with you. He smiled at your flustered expression and cupped your cheek with his wet hand. Every muscle in your body was telling you to pull away but you couldn’t. Not when his lips were so close, when his eyes were boring into yours.

“Forgive me,” he repeated in a gentler tone, but it became more of an order than a question.

“Make me,” you whispered and Jaehyun groaned, somewhat helplessly.

“You’re going to be the death of me, I swear.”

You opened your mouth to say something more, but you couldn’t even form your words as Jaehyun yanked you forward and sealed your lips with a kiss. Before, you had the sense to try and push him away, but now you were held captive. He slid his tongue past your lips and you let out an appreciative whimper, hand sliding into his wet hair. You tugged at his hair and this time, Jaehyun was the one to react.

He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, eyes clouding over with lust. “Get in with me,” he said, voice rumbling. You shivered as he dragged his lips down to your jaw; you could feel his voice reverberate down your spine and to your feet.

“What if someone walks in?” you asked in a daze.

“There’s no use for the swim facility, so no one’s going to walk in on us,” he persuaded. “Come in.”

Water dripped from his neck, landing on your thigh. You took in a sharp breath as his hand tugged at your waist. While the pleading look on his face was priceless, you couldn’t even ridicule him because you were at your limit, too. You let out an irritated sigh when you realized you gave into that 2.5% of you caving.

You responded by pulling off your shirt, tossing it to the side where Jaehyun had left his shoes and towel. Jaehyun watched you as you fiddled with the clamp of your bra. Meanwhile, his hands went to the waistband of your sweats, making you shudder as he tugged them down at the sides. You raised your hips to help him get them off and, after removing your bra, you were only left in your underwear to protect you from his hungry gaze.

You weren’t the type to hook up with guys. Hell, you weren’t the type to even show a guy your ankle if he asked. You thought you’d feel insecure with Jaehyun eyeing you in your full glory, but there was none of that. You wanted to know why it was so different with him but maybe it was the way he looked at you like he just wanted to kiss you. Or maybe a tiny part of your heart always belonged to Jaehyun, and you couldn’t bury it anymore.

“You’re so gorgeous.”

He mumbled the words, barely audible, but they set you on fire. He pulled you down onto his lap like you were his anchor, and you were afraid you’d get swept with the current, but you let him. You’ve only ever kissed a few guys before, so you really had no idea what the fuck you were getting into. All you were sure about was that Jaehyun could make you feel good and you were having your first time in a hot tub. You only prayed that you wouldn’t pass out from the pleasure combined with the heat of the water.

“Is this your first time?” he asked, gliding his hands down your sides. You nodded. “Then I’ll be gentle.” Truly, you did find his gesture rather sweet, but it didn’t stop you from rolling your eyes. Jaheyun saw and narrowed his brows. “I don’t hate you, but you really piss me off sometimes.”

He kissed you again. It was more passionate this time, but also harsher and messier. You let out a sound that was something between a yelp and a moan, making Jaehyun move his hands to run down your bare back. Then, he planted his thumb on your clit and pressed down in a way that made a muscle in your thigh twitch. Your grip on his shoulders tightened; you weren’t expecting that. It felt different in the water, but somehow, you couldn’t get enough of it.

“You’re wet,” he mumbled against your lips as his fingers found purchase on your slit.

“We’re in the water, you idiot.”

Jaehyun scoffed. “You know what, Y/N, you’re right, I did hate you,” he spat, rubbing small circles around your clit now. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders to steady yourself, whimpering as his movements grew more intense. “I fucking hated how you looked at Jaemin with those love-struck eyes.”

There was a shift in his usual cocky expression. He turned focused and, to a degree, angry. It was the kind of look on his face you saw when he was on the basketball court or during a game.

“You’re the one who told me to go after him.”

Wrong choice of words. Jaehyun lifted you up and placed you on the edge of the pool, pushing a finger inside you with no warning. You gasped, your mouth open to ask him why he took you out of the water, but you already knew the answer; he wanted to feel you completely.

“R-right there,” you whimpered out as he pushed his finger deeper inside of you.

He started to curl his finger whenever he passed over your g-spot, and you had to close your eyes. Jaehyun pulled his finger out to marvel at the slick wetness that coated it. Your body tingled as he slid his finger inside you again. This time, he was teasing your slit with a second digit. Jaehyun had no delicacy, though, and he all but shoved in a second finger, causing you to cry out.

He didn’t even care. You opened your mouth to call him a bastard, but all that came out was a pitched moan that seemed to float up to the stars.

“I fucking hated,” he rasped as he pumped two fingers inside of you, “how you treated Jaemin like he was the only one in the world.”

“I don’t… like Jaemin,” you got out, each labored breath of yours fighting off another moan. “I’ve stopped liking Jaemin after high school.”

Jaehyun’s free hand went to your chest, cupping one of your breasts as he rubbed circles around your nipple. You bit down on the inside of your cheek, unable to contain yourself as the fingers on your clit got almost frantic in their place, and the fingers inside of you were pushing against your walls. You felt an unfamiliar cold fire that felt so fucking good, lighting you up and threatening to spill over. Your muscles clenched and spasmed around Jaehyun, and you weren’t even in the hot tub but you felt like you were sinking.

A high-pitched moan left your lips, leaving you hot with embarrassment because you didn’t know you could make a sound like that. You fell from your peak, relaxing in Jaehyun’s hold; it felt like you were floating amongst the clouds in an almost euphoric way.

“I don’t like Jaemin,” you breathed out, still winded from your orgasm, “you fucking idiot.”

“I know.” Jaehyun pulled his fingers out of you, eyes trained on you as he licked them slowly. The look on his face was more gentle now. With his free hand, he brushed loose strands of your hair out of your face. “You like me now.”

“No, I’ve loved you for a while now.” You didn’t know what possessed you to say what was on your mind, but it surprised you more than it surprised Jaehyun. “I didn’t realize it then but… I think I did.”

Love? Love?

You thought you knew what love was. Something that you felt in your bones, that burst within you instantly. Simple glances, thoughts, and daydreams—something gentle and fluffy, but also emotionally shattering. You thought it was tender smiles, kind words, and little gestures.

But maybe that was the kind of love that led to puffy eyes, tear-stained cheeks, and hoarse voices. The kind of love that was left fruitless with an empty gap in your chest.

Maybe this was different.

It was instinctive, the way you fell for him. Like an effortless intake of breath, you were in love before you even knew it. You always thought love was a monster. Ravaging, scraping, foul monsters with jaws so immeasurably large that they would have swallowed you whole. But maybe it wasn’t the tragedy you made it out to be.

With Jaehyun it was fierce and maddening and made you want to rip your hair out. It was a violent hurricane that you tried to brave your way through. But you were blind. You were already at the eye; you had always been at the center without realizing it. And, despite all the pointless arguments and name-calling, it was the most beautiful thing you had experienced.

Yeah, you liked him. You liked how you were around him, despite how much you complained about it to Mark. Part of you refused to admit it, but sometimes the bickering was fun. You realized that you never let go of Jaehyun before because you couldn’t. You simply didn’t want to be without him because Jeong Jaehyun drove a deeper passion within you.

Your rose-tinted loving moment was ruined as soon as a shit-eating grin spread across Jaehyun’s face.

“You love me.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“You love me,” Jaehyun echoed as if he was internalizing the information. “You love me.”

“I take it back,” you said flatly. “I hate you, I hate you, and I’ve always hated you.”

Jaehyun ignored your words, his cockiness morphing into adoration. “You actually love me back.” He cupped your face in his hands, eyes turning into little crescents as he smiled. “Even though I called you a cougar for liking a guy a year younger than you?”

“Yes.”

“Even though I made fun of you wearing a push-up bra in front of him?”

You clenched your jaw. “Yes.”

“Even though I asked Johnny about you and he told me that I still live in your mind, rent-free?”

“What? Johnny said that?” you exclaimed, eyes wide. You grimaced. Johnny would be dealt with later. You placed your hands on Jaehyun’s shoulders and made direct eye contact. “Look, Jaehyun—as much as it hurts me to say this and I’d rather tear out my vocal cords—I like you. I like you so much that I don’t care about the petty shit you pulled when I liked Jaemin because frankly, I don’t care about Jaemin anymore.”

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever heard.”

You wanted to slap him.

“Are you just constantly horny?” you snapped. “I’m pouring out my feelings to you here!”

“I’m better at expressing my love through actions, not words,” Jaehyun explained. “Can I show you?”

“Is this another ploy to get in my pants?”

“No, I’m asking you out on a date,” he said. “Sneak out with me tonight. I want to explore the city with you.”

The offer was tempting. In fact, you found no reason to be opposed to the idea. After all, you were always down for an adventure in the city. Jaehyun being with you didn’t sound too bad either, especially when Seoul was so lively at night. Part of you wanted it purely to catch up on all the time you missed when you stopped being friends.

“Fine,” you agreed. “An hour after curfew.”

“Great.” Jaehyun flashed a grin that slowly curled into a smirk. “Now let me get in your pants.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Y/N, you see,” Jaehyun started, “I don’t hate you, but you’ve really pissed me off these past two years. We have all of this pent-up rage, so it’s only fair that we let it out on each other.” His grip on your hips tightened.

You loathed yourself for wanting him, and for putting aside the fear of being walked in on for him. You internally cringed at the thought of Mark accidentally bearing witness, and you weren’t sure you were willing to explain the situation to him just yet.

It was the price you paid for carnality, you supposed.

You sighed in a forced way so that you sounded reluctant and bored. Unfortunately, your plan backfired and you ended up feeling bad when a concerned look crossed Jaehyun’s face.

“If you’re worried about getting caught, I’ll just cover you,” Jaehyun mumbled, the softness of his voice almost putting you at ease.

You rolled your eyes. “How kind of you.” You paused and looked up at him. “Are we really going to have sex for the first time here?”

Jaehyun looked around him. “Well, I guess we could go to the hotel room if—”

“Nope!” you interrupted, wrapping your arms around his neck and drawing him closer to you. “Let’s do it here. I love the pool, love having sex at the pool.”

He rose a brow at you, hands making their way down your body. Suddenly, your realization of being completely exposed had heightened, and you pressed your thighs together. Maybe it was because your vulnerability showed on your face, clear as day, but Jaehyun smirked, further flustering you by tugging down his swim shorts to reveal his hardened cock.

It was heavy and warm against your thigh, but what you were fixed on was the v-line on his pelvis. You traced along the bone, making him shiver under your touch. You were shocked when he grabbed your wrist tightly, holding it away from him.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here,” he growled. Jaehyun leaned closer and nipped at the shell of your earlobe, chuckling as you tensed up under his hold. His hot breath made you squirm under his grip.

Have you ever noticed how insanely attractive he was? Yes, of course. You weren’t an idiot.

Have you ever appreciated his beauty until now? Probably not.

“Just fuck me already, Jae,” you grumbled out as he pushed you down onto the deck of the pool.

In seconds, Jaehyun grabbed your hips and pulled them to his waist. Without any preamble, he rammed himself inside of you. The motion caught you by surprise and you cried out, half out of pleasure and half out of pain. You were definitely wet from being fingered earlier, but two fingers were nothing compared to Jaehyun’s cock.

Seeing his cock disappear in you was enough to make you whimper. Your walls clenched around him, pulsating at the foreign feeling. You were tempted to slap him upside the head for going so fast, but all you could do was tug at his hair and wrap your legs around him.

“You bastard, I’ll fucking—oh.”

Jaehyun laughed cruelly at your reaction, partly to cover up the groan caught in his throat and partly because your attempts at being mad at him were downright pathetic. When you had adjusted to his size, Jaehyun grunted and pounded in you, hitting spots that made your limbs feel like jelly. As if that wasn’t enough, Jaehyun found your clit with the hand that didn’t have a bruising grip on your waist and pressed harshly against it.

“You’re so fucking tight,” Jaehyun gritted out.

“T-then be gentle,” you bargained, drowning in a molten sea.

Jaehyun narrowed his eyes at you. “Have you ever fucking heard of gentle hate sex?” he asked, validating his point with a particularly hard thrust.

Your fingernails dug into his back, leaving hot-white trails down his skin. You were certain you had drawn blood, but knowing Jaehyun, he’d probably feel proud if he saw it. He brought his lips to your neck as you writhed under him, biting around until he found your sweet spot. This wasn’t fair; he was pleasuring you in every way possible and all you could do was cry out as he pummeled in you.

You closed your eyes, sparks flying behind your eyelids as you felt your release rushing to you.

Then, he slowed his strokes down considerably.

“Look at me,” he ordered in a rasp. Your eyes fluttered open, remaining half-lidded as you felt like you were going to spill over. “Look at me when I’m fucking you.”

He slapped his hips against yours again, the sound of skin against skin making you shudder. Jaehyun filled you up to the brim and you were oh-so-close to letting go and falling off the edge. The hardscape was cool but you were on fire, bliss overtaking all of your senses. Your toes curled as you held onto his damp skin for dear life, not sure if it was because he was in the pool or he was sweating due to the heat you both emanated.

“R-right there!”  you wailed. “Fuck, right there!”

Jaehyun angled his hips slightly to pound into you, causing you to see metaphysical stars. It was so hard to keep eye contact with him when your eyes just wanted to roll back. Jaehyun let out a groan by your ear, low and guttural. You didn’t even notice how tight the grip he has on you until he releases your hip for you to see the print he left.

You could tell he was close, but he wanted to hold on for you. Both of your breaths were labored as you stared into each other’s eyes, your body moving up and down against the hardscape as Jaehyun railed you. You tightened your grip on him, a pathetic moan falling from your lips as you were falling over the edge.

Jaehyun understood and fucked you through your orgasm, making sure you made the most of it. Warmth blossomed under your skin as you cried out in pure bliss, your vision blurring and refocusing as it flickered from normal to pure white as you rode out your high. You ground yourself back to reality after nearly sobbing out his name, the pleasure overwhelming you. Jaehyun’s eyes went hazy as he fell apart right after you did, and soon, you felt something warm spill inside of you.

Jaehyun finished inside of you and stuttered out a curse as he pulled out of you. He rolled over and laid on the deck of the pool next to you, the both of you catching your breath like you had just run a marathon.

“I have a cute date idea for tonight,” Jaehyun said after a long pause.

You looked over, watching his chest rise and fall. “Yeah?”

“We go to the store and buy Plan B.”

You couldn’t even disagree.

“Sounds good.”

Jaehyun dragged himself off the floor, muttering something along the lines of “shit, that felt good” to himself as he reached for his swim trunks to pull back on. You grabbed a towel to dry yourself off, but pins and needles shot up your legs when you tried to walk. Jaehyun noticed immediately and a smug look settled on his face again, not the least bit remorseful.

You scowled as you slipped your clothes back on. “Shut up,” you jeered. “You’re so shameless for someone who can’t pull out.”

“Oops,” he replied flatly.

“I hate you, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun ran a hand through his damp hair, letting out a laugh as he shook his head. He picked up another towel from the chairs by the poolside and wrapped it around so it covered your head. You bit your lip as you watched him attempt to dry your hair. It was times like these when he seemed so gentle and delicate, unlike his usual irritating attitude.

“You liked it, though,” Jaehyun said. “Right?”

You faltered, looking down at your feet as he continued to dry your hair. “Yeah.”

Jaehyun smiled softly and leaned in swiftly to peck your lips, but your moment was interrupted by the sound of a door opening.

Mark was gaping at you two, eyelids fluttering rapidly as if he was trying to blink away what he had just seen.

“Y/N? Jeong Jaehyun?” Mark questioned, his voice an octave higher than usual. Realization crossed his face through a series of facial expressions that morphed far too quickly for you to process. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Mark!” You and Jaehyun pulled away from each other quickly.

Mark paused to think his words through. “Did I almost walk in on a murder?”

You let out a frustrated groan. “Jesus, Mark, if you’re not going to read the room, at least SparkNote it.”

“Wait, so you were kissing?”

“No, we didn’t kiss,” Jaehyun assured, and you felt tricked for feeling relieved for a split second. “We actually had sex.”

Jaehyun’s words ended with a splutter as you elbowed him in the gut. Mark looked between the two of you, boggled. You nudged Jaehyun again with your foot, signaling for him to leave so you could handle Mark. Thankfully, he took your cue this time and grabbed his towel, mockingly saluting the both of you. You were stupid to think you were safe, though, because Jaehyun had to get another last word in before he walked off.

“See you tonight, Y/N.”

There was a long, awkward pause while Jaehyun opened the door and left the building. You and Mark were staring at each other but neither of you knew what to say or how to approach the subject.

“I just… I just came here to find you, and Jaemin told me you went to the pool. You…” Mark started. He looked absolutely horrified, like a corpse had fallen to his feet—no, rather, he looked like a corpse himself, like someone attempted to do taxidermy on him but did a shit job. “Bitch.”

“Let me explain.”

“Bitch,” Mark enunciated, “you just fucked the hottest guy here, oh my god.”

Definitely not the reaction you were expecting, but you supposed it wasn’t a bad one. You were glad he wasn’t getting into the whole ‘why didn’t you tell me? I’m your best friend’ rant, but this was equally as overwhelming.

Mark continued, “Wait—is that why you were late this morning? Oh my god, this has been a thing. You’ve been hooking up with him in secret, haven’t you?”

“No? Well, yes, but it hasn’t been much until, um”—you gestured awkwardly around you—“you know.”

“So you were the one who was with Jaehyun last night?”

“Yes.”

“And this morning before I picked you up?”

“Yes.”

“Are you two dating now?”

“Honestly, I really don't know,” you admitted. “Mark, please don’t tell anyone about this. Especially not those little shits, Chenle and Johnny.”

Mark gulped. “About that…”

Before you could question him, there was a chorus of loud clapping echoing from the locker rooms which was then followed by a few cheers. You grimaced as the two boys you didn’t want to see walked out: Chenle and Johnny, Tweedledee and Tweedledum themselves. They both wore cocky smirks as they shook their head at you, which made Mark a touch more nervous than he was before.

“Have anything to say for yourself, Y/N?” Chenle teased.

“Go to hell.” You scoffed and turned to Mark, narrowing in on him. “Why’d you bring them along? What are you? The three stooges?”

“We were looking for you so we could invite you to the movie night we were having in Jungwoo’s room!” Mark defended. “I swear, if I knew about you and Jaehyun, I never would’ve brought them along.”

You sighed deeply as Chenle snickered to himself. “Well, I guess Y/N can’t come to movie night since she has a date with—hold on, what did you call him again? The devil?”

“Okay, I get it!” You threw your hands up in defeat, eyes closed to show you were reflecting upon your actions. “I’m a dirty hypocrite and I’ve committed a crime worse than death.” You opened your eyes again. “I’m sorry.” To your surprise, Chenle and Johnny had their right hand up. You stared at it, puzzled. “Do you want me to make an oath or something?”

“In modern society,” Johnny explained, “we call it a high-five.”

It took you a few seconds to process their words before you tentatively gave them each a firm high-five. You blinked up at them before ease washed over you. This was how it always was, anyways. At the end of the day, no matter how much you guys bickered or teased each other, you always made up. That's what friends were for, after all.

“There we go,” you said, oddly satisfied. “For now, I’ll let go of the fact that Johnny snitched on me to Jaehyun behind my back.”

“How dare you!” Johnny gasped. “Chenle was with me.”

Chenle raised his hand to confirm the statement. “Indeed. Please give credit where it's due.”

“Alright, fuck you both.”

What the fuck even was a date?

This was foreign territory to you, but even so, you decided you wouldn’t rely on your annoying friends. First of all, you were sure they wouldn’t really be of any help and just endlessly tease you about it. Secondly, they were simply going to gradually grow more stressed (Mark), lecherous (Johnny), and aggravating (Chenle). Thus, you decided to slay the monster of first dates yourself.

Your first hurdle was looking cute. You packed absolutely nothing that wasn’t for the training camp, so you had already failed. Jaehyun was going to have to deal with you in your gym shorts and a school t-shirt.

Your second hurdle was sneaking away from Eunha, your roommate. That was a piece of cake considering how she didn’t exactly care. When you headed out of the room, wallet and phone in hand, she wished you a kind farewell, which you returned.

Your third hurdle was sneaking out of the hotel. You weren’t quite sure how you and Jaehyun made it outside without being spotted, but you were certain he must have tipped off some of the staff because there was no way the both of you could have walked straight out of the lobby without being reported. When you asked him, though, he said it was probably because you looked like the cleaning lady.

Needless to say, Jaehyun was on thin ice.

You loved Seoul, loved the dirty of it. Even at night, the city was alive and full of vigor, full of young people like you who were chasing cheap thrills. Jaehyun was a dream under the glowing lights, and you almost couldn’t believe that the prince-like boy was head-over-heels for you.

He took you to a wide alley with a night market, full of life and energy. Jaehyun was walking through the crowd and you were following right behind him, like some awkward fish swimming after a cuter, more popular fish upstream. There were several times where you almost lost yourself in the crowd, and Jaehyun noticed this. He reached behind him, still shouldering his way through the crowd, and grabbed your hand. The smell of spicy rice cakes, the numerous pop-up bars lining the alley, and Jeong Jaehyun gripping your hand—it all made a pretty eventful first date.

Jaehyun didn’t kiss you. Not once. He didn’t try to touch you anywhere that would have tempted you both into doing something you definitely shouldn’t do in public. There were times where Jaehyun turned pink or looked away from you shyly, and you indulged in it because this was a side of him you didn’t see often.

Jaehyun stopped at a convenience store before you both decided to head back. You waited outside for him, kicking stones as you thought of him. He was undeniably perfect, which you somewhat despised because you had spent the last two years hating his guts and this was an abrupt change. You were worried if he was buying you something; he had already bought you lamb skewers and rice cakes at the night market. You didn’t want to be the girlfriend to empty his wallet.

Wait—

Were you his girlfriend?

“Y/N,” he called when he walked out of the store, holding something behind his back with a sneaky grin. “Close your eyes.”

You bit back a smile and closed your eyes, holding your hands out. He placed the object in your hands and it felt light, so you were sure it shouldn’t have cost much. Although, your stomach was pitted with guilt at the thought of him spending money on you. You opened your eyes when he directed you to.

Plan B One-Step.

You no longer felt bad for him.

“Very romantic,” you observed, putting the packet in your wallet, “but thank you.”

You were seething. Your face grew unconditionally hot and you had to look down at your feet. It seriously pissed you off that your feelings were so clear right now because Jaehyun had bought you fucking Plan B.

Jaehyun seemed to notice right away and tilted your chin up with two fingers, chuckling. “Is something wrong?”

Your face screwed up when you decided on what you were going to ask him. “Are we dating?” you blurted out.

Jaehyun held your face gently like it would shatter if he applied any more pressure. His fingertips grazed the hinge of your jaw while his thumbs rested on your cheekbones. You were panicking when he leaned in, but it wasn’t what you expected. Jaehyun pressed a chaste kiss to your nose, grinning at your reaction. You reached up to trace his dimple with your finger.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend, Y/N?”

“Yeah,” you admitted, flustered beyond imagination, but you had already gotten this far so you continued, “do you?”

“Do I want to be your girlfriend?”

You wanted to hit yourself. “Fuck. I mean, do you wanna date me?”

“Of course,” he said with a laugh. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long.”

He drew you into his warm embrace and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how you hated this man for so long. Of course, when those cocky smirks and impish looks came back, you were sure you’d remember again. But right now, in his arms, you just knew that you wanted to be with him. You looked up at him, arms slung around him, and got on your toes to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

You were positive you hadn’t ever seen Jeong Jaehyun blush before tonight, but it was a sight you were sure you could never get sick of.

And you never would.

[shihalyfie]

Hi! I've been devouring your Digimon meta lately, and I was hoping I could ask you a (hopefully simple) question. I think there's a general fandom perception of Mimi as boy-crazy, but I can't actually come up with any canon that states she's romantically interested in boys. The closest I have is the Mini Drama 2 CD, where she just fantasizes about boys being interested in *her*. However, there are definitely gaps in my Digimon knowledge, so I put this one to you. Does Mimi canonically like boys?

Hello! First of all, thank you so much for stopping by, I hope you're enjoying the meta!

So for clarity's sake, I'm going to be assuming we're talking about the Japanese version of Mimi and not the American English dub version, because although I still have general familiarity with it and its major changes enough to be able to roughly describe the changes, I can't remember things to the level of detail I do with the Japanese version, and to be honest, if said dub did have a line like that, I wouldn't be surprised. But as far as the Japanese version goes, you are correct: Mimi does not express romantic interest in boys, or in fact anyone, at any point, and in fact you have a better case for her not being particularly on the hard lookout for a partner at any time we saw her. Elaboration under the cut!

There are a few reasons why I think that fandom perception might have happened, but the first one is simply cultural. Mimi’s archetype in the Japanese version is recognizable as one you’d call the “parents’ spoiled little princess” kind, where the emphasis is more on her being sheltered and pampered and generally growing up in comfort (especially since her parents were upper middle class). So in other words, while it’s easy to see her as “shallow” based on her actions of complaining often in the beginning parts of the series, it’s more in the sense that she wasn’t used to dealing with hardships or having to physically get around everywhere, and she was otherwise a very insightful, polite, and empathetic person. She’s also one of the most adherent to proper honorifics among the entire cast, so, again, you see her a bit like a “proper princess”. In fact, it’s probably because of this slight sense of distance and formal respect she treats everyone with that it often becomes difficult to interpret her actions towards others as romantically loaded, and it’s presumably why Koushirou/Mimi became such a dominant ship on the Japanese side to the point of nearly every other Mimi ship being rarepair there (because Koushirou is just about the only person you can really make that argument for when they had no less than three major interactions -- Adventure episode 10, Mini Drama 2, and Diablomon Strikes Back -- that entailed Mimi getting a bit petulant about the idea of not getting Koushirou-kun’s attention).

However, I think a lot of people on our end of the fanbase have a tendency to want to pigeonhole Mimi into a very textbook “cliquey materialistic girly girl” framework, which of course was helped along by said American English dub definitely assigning many of those associated tropes to her character. Things like “lacking in common sense”, “looking down on others”, “judging everything by appearances”, “constantly making everything about shopping”, you know the package -- whereas Japanese version Mimi always erred more on the side of polite, any concept of being fixated on appearances only showed up very rarely, even her variety of clothes in 02 was portrayed more as her being open-minded to experimentation rather than materialism filling her head, and she was borderline incapable of being particularly condescending, being rather empathetic and insightful instead.

This, incidentally, is why I find that you really need to be careful when buying into fandom rhetoric about just about anything, and not necessarily listen to everything the fanbase treats as truth just because it’s been circulating for 20 years or so, because while the series itself of course has some aspects that haven’t aged well, there are many ways it was ahead of its time and intent on not forcing its characters into certain boxes, but -- to be blunt about it -- the fandom that formed 20 years ago was far more guilty of internalized misogyny, heteronormativity, and stereotype/trope forcing in regards to its characters than the actual series was, with said takes based on those still circulating even now just because so many people have treated it like longtime fact. (You have no idea how much it irritates me that I still have to hear discourse accusing Sora of “friendzoning” Taichi in this year 2021.) Again, not really helped by the heavy impact of the American English dub even on non-dub discourse and the fact it was rather guilty of forcing the characters into the trope boxes itself, but even then, the longtime fanbase has a penchant for absolutely taking things way farther than even said dub did. So while I wouldn’t put it past said dub to have inserted a line or something about wanting to chase after cute guys, I think it’s more likely to simply be a byproduct of the general stereotype that the sort of “cliquey materialistic girly girl” must also completely lose her mind over cute boys, resulting in a lot of people in the fanbase attempting to cram Mimi into that stereotype.

So in regards to how Mimi herself is portrayed in regards to relationships and romance: well, in general, Adventure and 02 were the kind of series that wanted to portray its children with an extra touch of realism from how media tropes would usually do it (case in point, it’s meant as an archetype subversion that Mimi is of the sheltered princess archetype but is also genuinely empathetic and insightful). In the end, the kids were only in elementary and middle school, and it is kind of prominent that things like Daisuke and Miyako’s crushes on others are very much treated as the sort of somewhat shallow, didn’t-seriously-think-through-this kind of mild attraction (no commitment to anything) you’d get out of eleven- or twelve-year-old kids, and the one “prominent” relationship of Yamato and Sora involved two fourteen-year-olds who treated it as a hookup (no dramatic romance plot, just one person asking the other to try out dating) and kept their relationship as a footnote in public. In the case of Mimi, she was certainly depicted as being somewhat of a social butterfly by the time of 02, but there’s no indication she was interested in anyone in her periphery as anyone but friends -- in fact, in Armor Evolution to the Unknown, she very casually refers to getting chocolate for everyone around her in the form of “social courtesy chocolate for friends”, which is explicitly drawn as a contrast to Sora getting the more romantically-loaded kind for Yamato (her boyfriend). In fact, I would say that Mimi’s attitude in that entire scene arguably says a lot about her -- she brings up the comparative gender egalitarianism of Valentine’s Day in the US compared to Japan without making a big deal about it, and she’s also the one who takes a minute to analyze Sora’s relationship prospects with Yamato, so I would say it’s actually more likely Mimi’s own potential pursuit of a partner would involve being thoughtful about whether she’d want to spend a long-term relationship with them rather than just casually clinging to anyone she finds attractive.

Now, there is one character you could call “boy-crazy”, and that’s Miyako, although even then Miyako also plays with the trope by being less so “boy-crazy” and more “a twelve-year-old girl who has absolutely no filter whenever she finds someone to be attractive” (especially since Miyako’s own self-esteem is utterly shot, and so she’s not the type to feel up to trying anything besides just being a bit too blunt about complimenting and gushing about the other party). It’s understandable that Miyako and Mimi sharing a Crest might make one inclined to compare them, but in fact, 02 episode 14 has Miyako explicitly compare her own tendency to judge by appearances and shallowness negatively and in contrast to Mimi, meaning that Miyako acknowledges that Mimi, whom she admires, does not have those traits of shallowness and handles everything much more maturely. So Mimi really can’t be described as that kind of archetype at all, and Miyako spends the episode constantly recognizing that Mimi is much more thoughtful and capable of getting to the heart of things than she is.

Moreover, while the stage play came after 02 and may not be considered applicable Adventure universe canon to many people, I find it to be an interesting case study of an example of a writer studying the series very closely (there is some very good attention to detail with the original series, and Tani “showed his work” very well with it) without preconceived notions from the fandom. The stage play has Mimi admit explicitly that she’s not interested in anyone at the moment, having only momentarily lied about it in the hopes Sora could open up about her own love life -- which Mimi explicitly contrasts with having lied about not being interested in her future, when in fact she wants to do so many things she can’t commit to one. So it reinforces the idea that something like a relationship would be something Mimi would treat with gravity and as something she’d want to have proper commitment to, but she won’t when it’s a time in her life she’s having a hard time figuring out commitment to anything.

And, finally, as you mentioned, there’s Mini Drama 2, but as you say, it’s Mimi joking that all the boys must be into her (because she’s attractive) and that “all of the boys in the world will be kneeling before me before long” -- and the reason she throws a fit is that Hikari indirectly implies that the love letter Koushirou’s writing could not possibly be for Mimi, which Mimi interprets as Hikari indirectly trying to pick a fight with her or insult her by acting like it’s such an impossibility. Knowing that Hikari is well-known for being capable of passive-aggressively trolling, and in fact is very heavily implied to be doing so in this scene, it’s not like Mimi’s entirely wrong, either. (Also, the Adventure mini dramas are infamously full of fourth wall-breaking and characterization-irreverent crack -- it wasn’t until the 2003 drama CDs when actual “serious” drama CDs would become more of a thing -- so it should be taken with a grain of salt.)

[emilvr]

also LOL i am a whore for any songs by the neighbourhood but SPECIFICALLY crybaby （*´▽｀*）the line “but u know, when u know” … now what if i said enemies to lovers albedo? WHAT IF I DID? the potential he has in like a modern au setting i am gonna rip my hair out. this all under the cut IM NOT EVEN SORRY? i am mentally unwell 🥰😳👍🏻 also some kaeya x reader in this sorry i love him too he deserves the tumblr dot com slash lumiluvr spotlight too 😋‼️

the whole academic rivalry because let’s face it lots of us love academic validation…. but albedo just does it cause he gets a kick out of seeing u frustrated/annoyed at him solely bc he thinks it’s funny. and it takes u fucking ages (bc i love the oblivious reader trope i wont even apologise for it) to realise: holy shit this asshole doesn’t even CARE about this ‘rivalry’ !!! and good god imagine the smug look on his (handsome .. 😒) face when u ask him for tutoring help … MF IS ALL LIKE: oh? you’re asking me for help? let me hear it again.

u, looking away w/ embarrassment: albedo can u help me

albedo, (smugbedo): hm? what was that? you want me to what?

u: i want ur help

albedo: is it just me or is the rain rlly loud today ^__^

u: this mf. -_-

and like… u take time to open up and albedo welcomes it don’t tell me he doesn’t like a challenge. but he doesn’t even see it as a hardship he just. accepts it all and thinks it makes you even more u. definitely teases u to celestia and beyond and isn’t even sorry for it. but if anyone where to tease u about a grade he is the first person to step in w/ an eerily calm voice and expression … CAN U SEE WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS.

but u still think he’s an insufferable asshole (which .. he is insufferable he gets a kick out of it) and when u meet klee the definition of sunshine it like: how r u two related. she’s so sweet and loving and ur … not 😒 and he just laughs at u/gives u a small smile. klee refers to u as “big bro albedo’s nice friend” … eventually calls u big sibling u GUYYYYYSSS… klee is so baby.

but my fave part is like … when the whole “rivalry” thing just disappears. and he becomes something so much more than a friend and the smug fuck knows. he knows how you feel about him but won’t make a move because it’s so much more rewarding seeing you awkwardly clear your throat and avoid his eyes from embarrassment and when you fiddle with your shirt sleeves OH BOY !!!! will purposely do stuff to make you heart pound in your chest but never gives you the impression he doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, if anything it just proves how much he likes you BUT HE JUST NEVER SAYS IT OUT LOUD

and when u finally confess you’re breathing hard bc holy shit is confessing nerve wracking and he just goes: took u long enough ^_^ and ur just like: what did u just say. and u two start arguing outside his house and klee and kaeya (best wingman i will get to it in a sec) just watch u like: 😒😇!!!

doesn’t sketch u in ur good moments. sketches u with ur double chin and when ur a little bloated and when ur breaking out. and he looks over the little art pieces with fondness in his eyes someone tell this man he is in love before i bang my head on a wall

kaeya tries embarrassing him but the kick albedo gets is … he just doesn’t feel embarrassed he’s just like “yeah i like [y/n] what of it” OHHHHHHH LAWD !! but reality is kaeya is the bestest bff u can have and i will die on this hill and listen him and albedo r a package deal ok. u date albedo ur new best friend is kaeya and if u date kaeya then BAM ur new bff is albedo who crashes ur dates.

no cause u and kaeya r sleeping together (not like that 😋) and u wake up early next day looking at albedo’s face. and when u start screaming and run downstairs and wake up klee … awkward conversation over albedo’s morning coffee (cold milk and instant coffee don’t question it)

he also will crash ur dates with klee first it’s u and kaeya going on a fall walk and before u know it there’s a polaroid of klee smushing ice cream on ur face … lord have MERCY

anyway i might add onto this but feel free to send me asks on modern au mondstadt people (specifically jean i am in love with her miss gunnhildr PLEASE PICK UP MY CALLS??????????) especially the ladies (lisa and jean. that’s who i’m referring to.)

[redbravado]

Relax

Here we go, part two

Checking out!

Once again, now where do I start, dear love

Dumb struck with the pure luck to find you here

Every morn' I awake from a cavernous night

Sometimes still pondering the previous plight

Seems life done changed long time no speak

Nowadays I often forget the day of the week

Taking it by stride if you know what I mean

No harm done, no offense taken by me

So let's rap, we'll catch up to par, what's the haps?

Perhaps we're even closer now after all things considered on this side of the planet

Couldn't pick a better time even if we planned it!

To come clean and candid if I have to

Oh what I wouldn't trade for your laughter

Sweet and sour spice in my poetry pot melting

Even better than the real thing!

It's like the God in me saw the Devil in you

I wanted to break myself in the worst way when I met you

Who would have thought, conversate by the river, celebrate birth

Sit and delivered the lines that would prove to be the seeds of trust

Unsigned, yeah but destined to grow with sunshine

Self-assigned task piled on the desk of good works

Knowing hardship appreciate the best of both worlds!

C'est la vie, as they say L.O.V.E evidently, see every song has a sequel

Never same, everything but the name, all fresh just like back then, how we do everyday

C'est la vie, as they say L.O.V.E eloquently, see every dream has a part two

Never same, you got to keep it tight, all fresh just like back then, now hear me out

Once together, now where do we go, dear divine

I pray that you keep watching over us

From the heavens where light is the nucleus

To this space filled with darkness and negative matter

Anti-gravity pull is what I would rather feel when I leave this shell eventually

Ties to the mother earth ground me mentally

Real vibes will keep me alive spiritually

Imagination brings bliss at no cost, when I blink blink I receive at no loss

Victory comes in small packages like a leaf of an olive tree brought back by a dove

From above, then I'm gonna rhyme love

Well you saw that one coming ever since the beginning of the end

Well anyways, I am not a perfect being, yes I am a man full of sin

It's like the Devil in me saw the God in you

You epitomize the etymology of enthusiasm!

Look it, up there lies the clouds that form the rain

That came from the ocean that flowed from the river

I'm a believer, firm with the first words, lyrical transceiver of our ancient roots

Science plus Arts multiplied by Faith, then divided by the number of our Ethnic Race!

Let me mention what I've been thinking

How to save the children, when the ship is sinking

So I'm singing, no lip syncing to slogans

Political hooligans with tanks, missiles and guns!

Everything is relative when it's all in the family of man,

Understand the time has finally come to realize the great power of one

All formulas equalize under the Sun, Amen!

The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music

In times of need I won't be leaving you sick

The beat plus the melody's the recipe

Your vibe surely brings out the best in me!

The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music

In times of need I won't be leaving you sick

The beat plus the melody's the recipe

All good souls lost may they rest in peace!

Yeah, the rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music

In times of need I won't be leaving you sick

The beat plus the melody's the recipe

Your vibe surely brings out the best in me!

The rhymes will heal 'cause I believe in music

In times of need I won't be leaving you sick

The beat plus the melody's the recipe

Hiphop worldwide we got to live in peace, like that!

[aether-friskets]

Frisk Headcanons

So, to go completely off the rails from what I've been posting recently, here's a my best attempt at giving all the general headcanon info about my interpretation of Frisk in one post, which I'm probably gonna add onto in the future knowing me-- I'm gonna put all the actual written info under the cut because it's kinda long.

Also sidenote, I plan to make something like this for my Chara in the near future. Also, uh, expect me to randomly share more ut headcanons in general.

General Stuff

Their full name is Frisk Awa Dreemurr. 

Dreemurr is the third last name they've held, with Villarosa being the first and Solas being the second. 

They're 10 years old during the events of Undertale. 

Their height is 4' 2 (127 cm). 

Even as an adult they'd only end up around the 5' 2 (~158 cm) mark.

Their birthday is September 15th, 2105.

They are (amab) non-binary and use they/them pronouns.

Their clothing choice/tastes tend to be fairly mixed between typically masculine and feminine things, with a preference for more casual/messy looks and bright colours.

They're Panromantic-Ace, but also not particularly interested in that stuff yet.

They are primarily Filipino. Both parents were born in the Philippines but moved somewhere closer to (but not in) the Ebott area (unspecified geographical location at current because I haven't decided—) before Frisk was born.

Frisk's parents are still alive, but they have not yet met again and Frisk doesn't really remember them.

They are left-handed.

They're allergic to Temmies.

Frisk originally could only hear Chara, like a guiding voice in their mind. After making a certain deal, they could see Chara— and as a side effect, have a stronger sense about other ghosts and the like through being so closely connected to one.

They ate garbage on live TV (during the Mettaton EX battle) once, and Chara refuses to let them live it down.

They know how to make pre-packaged foods on their own, but don’t have much cooking knowledge outside of that.

They generally are not very picky about food, willing to try pretty much anything at least once.

However, their preferences lie more on savoury (and sometimes spicy) stuff, and they much prefer healthy/home cooked things. 

Their Determination stems from a desire for everyone to live and have a good life, although the idea of this is twisted during the events of... Certain timelines.

Despite having the "power to change fate", Frisk tries to only use it when they have to. They feel it would be wrong to manipulate it into getting whatever they wanted, however they have occasionally broken that rule.

Frisk being a quiet type comes in part from selective mutism. It generally shows up in times of stress, although since the events of Undertale they have less problems with it comparatively.

Their natural eye colour is red, but when using their SAVE powers they appear as a bright yellow/gold instead. 

They have a missing tooth from falling out of a tree.

They've got a saviour complex of sorts, feeling they will and must help everyone they can, even if that person doesn't want said help.

They don't fully understand the purpose of flirting, and generally do it to see how a person will react and see what that says about them. But sometimes it's just funny.

They particularly like frogs and bugs, but generally like most animals.

Their voice is something akin to Chloe in We Bare Bears (Charlyne Yi).

Pre-Undertale Backstory

Frisk was born in 2105, to parents that had only moved into the country recently. Their parents, Frederick Angelo Awa Villarosa and Iris Awa Villarosa, had hoped to raise the child themselves, but this didn’t go to plan. They fell into financial hardship a little while after Frisk was born, which was worsened by Fredrick falling particularly ill. The situation culminated in Frisk being put into foster care by 2108. They were bounced between temporary homes for a few years, until they were adopted in 2111 by Adalyn and Nadja Solas. A more stable living situation was a positive development for Frisk, and they grew close to their adoptive parents. This was all fine and good, until February of 2115 when a car crash left Frisk alone again. They were in the hospital for some time while recovering, after which they were placed into a temporary home in the Ebott area. It was not a smooth adjustment, with Frisk still grieving their loss and the new home feeling more distant than they’d grown accustomed to.

When they were left waiting at a bus stop on their 10th birthday– after some bullying to further incentivise not sticking around with their own thoughts, Frisk went off on their own to explore the woods surrounding Mt. Ebott. Perhaps just to clear their mind, or for something to do. By the time it began raining they were a little too far to turn back, so they ran deeper into the woods in hopes of reaching some kind of shelter. The mountainside cave they took refuge in had a deep pit within and, upon closer inspection, they ended up falling right into it. 

In the Underground

Frisk initially travelled the Underground peacefully, playing around with their ability to Load SAVE points as they went. They never really harmed anyone in these little experiments, especially since they only knew how to return to the most recent SAVE point, and their understanding of the ability was limited in general.

Over their journey, Frisk grew close to the friends they made in the Underground. These people filled a void they had been unable to reach since before that February night, even if they weren't replacements. Despite everything, they were happier than they had been in a while. But, they knew they had to return to the surface world. They couldn't let their new foster mother worry, no matter how happy they were. Besides, they couldn't really stay. Their SOUL was required to break the Barrier, and the way things were going, that could have caused another monster-human war.

Frisk jumped at the chance of an ending to the story where they could return home AND stay with the monsters, eventually achieving it thanks to Flowey's attempted plan. However, after the Barrier was destroyed... Something was missing. Their parents, that void, still persisted. Perhaps, with their newfound powers, they could find a way to save them too. To go back further than they had before. Like when Asriel said he would send it all back to square one, but farther. They would save their parents AND the Underground!

That day, Frisk learned the unfortunate truth. They could only turn back time so far. There was no way to save their parents. Just like Asriel himself. But, they refused to let it stop them so easily. They wracked their brain for an answer, and one arrived. Another power spoken of before. LOVE. If they... Hurt people, maybe they could be stronger. Strong enough to go back. Refusing to give up on the chance, they risked putting aside all they held dear. Unfortunately for them, this path did not lead the direction they had intended whatsoever.

After all had turned to dust, they and Chara were the only ones that remained. A conversation was had, an irrefusable deal was made, and Frisk was sent back to the beginning. It was all for nothing. They killed them all. For nothing. Devastated, Frisk did their best to save the Underground again. It seemed some people— like Asriel and their parents— were beyond saving. They didn't want to accept that, but had no other choice.

Of course, we already know good things don't last forever. This second attempt at pacifism lasted only a little longer than the first. They were plagued by thoughts and dreams of their actions, unable to forget that feeling of holding lives in your hands. To decide someone else's fate. To play God. As much as Frisk feared it and loathed it, a part of them missed it. So in the anger and frustration and fear of it all, they undid everything again. As if repeating the past would somehow make it better.

That second time around, while they sat in that void waiting for Chara to reappear, the gravity of it all finally hit them. They were gonna get stuck in a cycle of this, and for what? This wasn't right, they didn't want to hurt everyone they cared about. They just wanted everyone to be happy, how did it get to this point? After Chara gave another speech and the world was restored, Frisk made a vow to never hurt anyone like that again. It didn't matter what happened, that wasn't right. No one else deserved to get hurt.

Post-Undertale

When they finally moved on and allowed the timeline to continue forwards, Frisk accepted the offer to become the human-monster ambassador and chose to live with Toriel. However, Papyrus took the role of the proper ambassador, and became his assistant. Learning and helping with what they could, hoping to one day become the new ambassador.

Once monsters were starting to settle in on the surface and things were going a little smoother, Frisk returned to the Underground and brought Flowey to the surface with them– on the condition that they didn’t tell anyone about his connection to Asriel. Shortly after this, they, uh, worked out some things with Chara regarding previous actions and a certain deal.

Eventually they’d probably get a chance to meet their bio parents, but I haven’t figured out if/when this might happen.

Personality

Generally speaking, Frisk comes off as a quiet but friendly and well-meaning kid, very eager to be of help and a pretty good listener. They can be a bit much, though, often trying to help even when they aren't needed, and don't necessarily have a clear idea of good boundaries all the time.

Despite their helpful nature, they're pretty stubborn about stuff once their mind is set on it, and can be hard-pressed to admit that maybe something is not such a great idea after all. Their determination is useful when it comes to making sure they do whatever it is they set their mind on, but there are certainly cases where this isn't great.

They're usually pretty trusting— perhaps a little naïve though not completely, despite times this has been taken advantage of. They always want to believe the best in people, being generally optimistic and quick to forgive. There are limits, but those aren't often displayed.

Frisk does not like to hurt people, and takes their self-vow not to kill anyone else pretty seriously. It would take some very serious circumstances to break that. However, if a situation called for it, they would still willingly fight back to save themself or people around them. Just, if they can find non-violent options, they will.

They're also surprisingly brave, bordering on reckless at times. They weren't always as much so��� it's something they got better at over their journey through the Underground— but a spark of it was always there. This can show up in more positive ways like when they were willing to fight Omega Flowey despite how much he scared them, as well as not so great ways, like wandering off on their own to explore the woods.

In fact, as a sub point about the bravery stuff, Frisk is very curious and adventurous. They love exploring and seeing new stuff, and are usually pretty willing to try new things. They're also fairly capable of being independent and self-sufficient, for someone their age.

If I were to rank how much of each SOUL trait Frisk has, it would be something like:

Determination

Kindness

Bravery

Perseverance

Patience

Justice

Integrity

[theji]

我的世界守则 The Rules of My World: An Analysis

I came across this video while browsing Weibo last night. It was taken during Yibo's rehearsal for his 'The Rules of My World' performance. I've listened to the song countless times and I like it, the rhythm and all, and the dance. But as with many rap music, I don't pay attention to the lyrics. I suddenly realised I don't really know what the song is talking about, save for the few phrases that stood out. That sparked my interest and inspired today's post. I had previously done some analysis of Zhan's songs, so it's Yibo's turn.

Disclaimer: I am not a professional translator or lyricist. And obviously I'm not Yibo nor do I know him personally, so I can't say for sure what the song is really about. The following analysis is purely based on my personal interpretation. It has CPN components. Please skip if you don't believe that BJYXSZD.

'The Rules of My World' is the 2nd song that Yibo penned the lyrics to himself. The fact that he wrote the lyrics is significant and makes the song worth analysing. 2019's 'Wu Gan' was more 'inward-looking'; about Yibo expressing his own thoughts on navigating the entertainment industry. To me, 'The Rules of My World' is him making a statement, a stand, at the same time, he's sending a message to those he cares about - GG and his (real) fans. Yibo released this song on 30 Dec 2020. The timing is interesting cos it like he's summing up his sentiments based on the events that took place during the year. To outsiders, 2020 was a good year for Yibo. He had many endorsements, projects, high exposure, his commercial value rose. But in CPN reality, 2020 was terrible for so many reasons. GG's incident, him being overworked, crazy fan wars and antis etc etc..anyone who cares about Yibo would be delusional to think he had it good last year.

欢迎你们来加入我的世界 (You're welcome to join my world)

入场券上面有正义的光源 (There's a light of justice on the admission ticket)

DD is giving fans an open invitation to enter his world, to understand him as a person and not just an idol. And he also hopes that his world can bring some light to the fans' world, to bring some positivity, encouragement and guidance to them.

此生面对严厉又仁慈的一切 (In this life we'll face harshness but also kindness)

轻松一点，我们一起度过黑夜 (Just relax, together we'll overcome darkness)

In the entertainment world (or life in general), there will be ups and downs, criticisms and compliments. Regardless of what may come, we can overcome any challenges together. Darkness here could also refer to the antis who seem determined to bring GGDD down. This could be a message to fans - to tell them that they don't always have to rush to defend him, and they don't need to retaliate (aka fan wars). It could also be a message to GG, to make a stand of solidarity and to reassure GG that DD will face any challenges alongside him.

新的征途 (A new journey)

愚蠢的，不好相处 (These fools, they aren't easy to get along with)

愚蠢的，不会打住 (These fools, they won't stop)

但衬托明天更耀眼的路 (But they will set off a brighter path for tomorrow)

It was said that DD matured considerably after the 2*7 incident. Took up more responsibility, became more focused on his career and mindful of future advancements etc. Started to take on more serious acting projects and to shift his career trajectory towards something more sustainable and less 'idol'. The new journey could be a reference to this new path. The fools - the antis, those against GGDD - may have caused damage but their actions have also sparked off DD's desire to do better and to find his footing in the entertainment industry. He now has a clearer view of what he wants, the path he wants to take.

我是我的样子 (This is how I am)

我生来就固执 (I was born stubborn)

讲自己的故事 (I'll tell my own story)

活独特的气质 (Living my unique self)

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

我的世界不退让 (It's my world I won't give in)

Here, DD is being assertive. This is me, I follow my own rules, I'll make my own decisions, I'll forge my own path, I won't be influenced, I won't give up on my beliefs. So antis, capitalists etc can f*ck off.

It could also be seen as an advice to his fans - to follow his lead and live their own lives. This is also something that GG has repeatedly said to fans - to focus on their own lives, personal relationships, studies, careers etc. Don't devote so much time on chasing idols, online fan wars etc.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地，走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓，多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我世界的守则，不许你诡辩 (These are the rules of my world, I won't allow any sophistry)

I see this as DD's words of encouragement, to himself and to GG. Despite all the challenges and hardship, darkness will pass and the sun will come out eventually. And it's shining brightly, there is hope left in this world, there's is much to look forward to. So don't fear, be brave and forge ahead.

Sophistry: the use of clever but false arguments, especially with the intention of deceiving

Poor DD is always hit with industry rumours, about him dating his co-stars etc. Last year, someone even made a false police report against him. Just look at the number of statements his company had to put out. There have also always been ongoing rumours about rivalry between GGDD, tales of backstabbing etc, especially in 2020 at the height of the incident. DD is saying that this is his life, his world. No one knows better than the both of them. So to those who don't know better but continue to spew nonsense about his life and relationships and spread hate, know that I don't care about your antics, they don't hurt me but I won't tolerate them as well.

在我世界行走 (Walking in my world)

什么人生主题你透露 (What kind of life theme do you envisage)

是胆大勇猛所向披靡 (Is it to be bold, courageous and invincible)

或胆小逃避钻进壳里 (Or to be timid and escape into your shell)

喧闹倾诉众人party (Is it to pour out your troubles at a rowdy party)

寂寞相思不停地哭泣 (Or to cry silently non-stop out of loneliness and love-sickness)

都欢迎你来我这里 (All are welcome)

只要跟从自己的内心 (So long as you follow your heart)

跟限制和噪音 说一声 bang bang (I'll say 'Bang Bang' to restriction and noises)

怪兽都退散 (Monsters, be gone)

What kind of person am I in your eyes? The cool guy or soft sweet babie Yibo? Here, DD is acknowledging that the public has many different perceptions of him, and fans love different personas of him and he's ok with that. But if you love him, then let him be. Don't try to restrict him, don't quarrel or force him into a certain mould of your preference. He won't hesitate to shoot the haters (monsters) down.

迈出轻盈的步伐 (Take a light step forward)

一声令下 (With a single command)

来宣布 告别孤勇 (To announce a farewell to having to fight alone)

On this new path, with a new-found realisation of what he wants, DD is clear of what he wants to achieve and he is no longer burdened by fear, uncertainties etc. Both GGDD now have each other by their sides, they share a common purpose as they navigate the intricacies of the entertainment industry together and work their way to the top. And I think this is something that we're seeing more in the fandom since end 2020 - GGDD seemingly becoming more bold in their actions and messages they put out (silent or otherwise).

想要做盘旋的龙 (Wanna be a hovering dragon)

还想做懒散的虫 (Or a lazy worm)

别打扰我 走开 没空 (Don't bother me, go away, I have no time for that)

In public, DD is that proud and confident king. He's not a pushover. But behind the cameras, he just wants to chill and relax (and play games). Please don't bother me, give me some privacy to lead my own life, don't tell me what I can or cannot do.

Cue DD's message. He meant it.

Follow me, 找到自己的价值 (Follow me, find your own value)

不去迎合别人活 才会觉得有意思 (Life is interesting if you don't cater to others)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

我们永远不退让 (We will never give in)

This is a repetition of the earlier verse but what has changed is the last 2 lines. From <It's my world I won't give in>, DD now says <We will never give in>. This was actually the first thing that sparked off my CPN, and hinted to me that this song concerns GG in some ways. Who's We? We all know how GGDD almost always use the word 'we' in their CQL promo interviews and bts, as though they come as a package and all views represent both of them as a entity. This also echoes the earlier sentiments - both of them, after the 2020 incident, have developed a steely resolve. They won't let the antis or challenges or societal views hold them back anymore. Their world, their rules. They will fight for their rights and what they believe in, and they are determined to reach their goals.

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

乐观地 走向前 (Just move forward with optimism)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

无所谓 多危险 (Doesn't matter how dangerous it is)

阳光耀眼 (The sun is dazzling)

这是我的世界 (This is my world)

我们的世界不会被改变 (Our world will never be changed)

Again, similar to the above 'we' example. From this part of the song onwards, DD is referring to them both. The last line could also be viewed as an affirmation of GGDD's commitment to each other. Whatever is it, our relationship will not change. We will go through it all together.

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you work up on it

Don’t stop, get it, get it

Let me see you all up on it

Let me see you work up on it

Don‘t stop, get it, get it

Don't stop

Hey

I interpret this as DD's words of encouragement to GG. Like don't stop fighting, continue to work hard towards your (our) goals. Go for it, you can do it!

在我的世界 (In my world)

本能很关键 (Instinct is the key)

坚持自己 (Stay true to yourself)

就是你们的世界 (It is your world)

DD's parting words to fans: to stay true to oneself, to build and enrich your own worlds, to fight for your goals, like how he is trying.

Well, I had fun working on this. Maybe I'll do Wu Gan another time. Reminded me of literature class during my schooling days, although I never did Chinese literature back then. Feel free to share your thoughts on the song with me. =D

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Hi there :) I am hoping you have a bit more knowledge here but Ian very confused about the “queer baiting” and the apparent gay relationships for chakos? Are they actually portraying that because I saw a little thing that described zeha having a crush on a man and then saying no I don’t like men? Is this watt pad version different to the webtoon?

Hi anon:) I actually stayed up last night and read the Wattpad episodes in order to respond to your question. This is what I do for blogging, lol.

Let's just take for now what you mentioned in your ask, without taking into consideration the full story that is out until now and no other context. If a character in story, here Zeha, has an internal monologue in which he describes what he feels when he meets another man for the first time, but then in the actual dialogue exchange he says he doesn't like men, then we have a form of internal conflict. The story is ongoing, we don't know where it would lead, so there is no way in which this is a situation that can be labeled as a form of queerbaiting. And that's not what queerbaiting is anyway. We also need to know how to differentiate between subtext, queer coding, and queerbaiting. I actually recommend a book called Queerbaiting and Fandom, written by Joseph Brennan. In the introduction he provides context and definition to certain terms that we should apply when it's appropriate.

As to Chakho and how the relationship between the 7 characters is portrayed, until now (10 episodes) only 4 of them have made an appearance. Zeha, Haru, Do-Geon and Hwan. Zeha and Haru have teamed up from the beginning, only for Do-Geon to show up later, while Hwan was merely just introduced. The little thing you mentioned was about the meeting between Zeha and Do-Geon. Yes, both of them say that they felt as if they fell in love the moment they met and that is because it was the only way in which they both could describe the intense feeling that they had. But in later episodes there is also a situation in which Zeha (I think) thinks of Do-Geon as maybe a brother he never had. In my opinion, I don't see any apparent gay relationships in Chakho, given the story that was provided until now. This webtoon was promoted as 7 people who are connected by fate and they deal with hardships together while they mature in the process. If in the future episodes, there is (sub)text that there is a relationships between two men, that is left to see. I don't think it's possible to reach such a conclusion as of yet.

Chakho is a work of fiction that is said to have characters which have some personality traits inspired by the BTS members. The characters are not the BTS members. I know we all know this, but I just wanted to remind that, because as obvious as it is, from what I can see online, there's already a mix between reality and fiction and that can be dangerous (I said this would happen, so no surprise here). But, that doesn't mean some parts of the BTS lore have not been used as a sort of inspiration for the relationship between the fictional characters. And no, this is not material made in order to promote ships (at least nothing that could lead to that conclusion up until now). When I say BTS lore, I mean certain stories that are usually told by the members themselves that have become part of the BTS story. One of it is the meeting between Jungkook and RM pre debut. We hear Jungkook talking about a sort of crush (in Winter Package 2021). That is a story told numerous times during interviews and other types of BTS content (repeated ad nauseam if I dare say so). It's one part of the BTS genesis. Now, we can look at this situation and see something similar in the first meeting between Zeha and Do-Geon, but it stands more as a metaphor for encountering people that could have an impact in someone's life and the importance of it. Do I feel it's ok to use real life situations, especially in this context, and integrate them in a work of fiction on webtoon and wattpad? No. Because I see it as just another way in which the company milks the members and their personal relationships. Leave that to the fandom, to write fanfiction on Ao3 (they do a better job in terms of storytelling, but that's just a personal opinion).

[piduai]

Interview with Noda Satoru from the Golden Kamuy fanbook

sharing anywhere is fine, but please credit me.

Q: Tell me how you feel about passing 6 years of serialization. Noda: I was already serializing at the time of my debut, so I guess I’d be able to give a summary when I’m finished. I don’t really think about how many years it’s been, it’s merely a checkpoint.

Q: What made you decide to become a mangaka? Noda: I feel like I wrote it down as my goal in my yearbook back in middle school. I also wanted to become a movie director, but as a mangaka you can create the entire thing by yourself. 

When Golden Kamuy just took off I was living in a tiny apartment and the postman, a young fellow and a reader of Young Jump, realized that I’m Noda Satoru. The magazine was sending me a lot of things, so it was rather obvious. “Are you the author of Golden Kamuy?”, he asked in a surprised tone while looking around the cramped entryway. I could feel feel his confusion regarding the fact that that vast Hokkaido world of the manga was being created in this modest apartment. Or maybe he just expected me to be making more money and afford a better place. Anyhow, I just thought again about how a manga can be created in even the smallest room in the universe.

Q: Who is your favorite character and why? Noda: As always, it’s Tanigaki. But well, I love all of them. I want to showcase only the best parts of them, and it hurts when I fail. For example I’m very happy that there’s a character who stirs the pot as well as Usami. He’d be Katsuo in the world of Sazae-san.  

Q: Which characters are the easiest to draw, and which ones are the most difficult? Noda: Characters like Shiraishi, Tsukishima and Nagakura, they don’t have a lot of hair and even if they turn out a little ugly their faces are well-defined so it’s easy to draw. In general faces that are strongly distorted and resemble caricatures are easy. Meanwhile Asirpa, Kiroranke and Inkarmat have neat facial structures on top of wearing Ainu clothing, so they are a very high-calorie effort for me. Ogata and Kikuta are difficult too. Their faces are distinctive and I have to make them look cool too, which is wearing me out the most.

Q: Have you decided on all 24 convicts at the very start of the story? Noda: Wouldn’t I sound like a badass if I said that that I have? Anyway. There were the ones that were based off real-life Meiji era criminals, such as Shiraishi, Kumagishi Chouan or the lightning couple, and of course there was Hijikata.

Q: Tell me of a funny thing from the manga that you are fond of. Noda: Gansoku’s “Hah! ☆”. And also when Koito Jr. Was flapping his arms and legs around trying to keep himself in mid-air.

Q: Why did you decide on Otaru as the starting point? Noda: I am from Hokkaido, so I’m familiar with Otaru and Sapporo. Otaru is close to both the mountains and the sea. Sapporo used to be a swampland, it’s wide and flat and there is no sea. Otaru is a place where foreigners come and go, there are many criminals roaming around creating danger, and money is found. There aren’t many big cities in Hokkaido. There were Ainu living in Otaru but sources are scarce, however Nakagawa-sensei, the supervisor over the Ainu language, told me not to worry too much about the difference of location, so I figured it would be best to make it Otaru.

Q: Was there any real life experience you had while growing up in Hokkaido that you turned into a scenario? Noda: When I was about 19 someone I knew told me that there is a locust graveyard on a nearby mountain, which sounded so ridiculous I had to laugh in their face. Turns out it indeed was a heap of locusts and their eggs left after a locust plague, that place was the Teineyamaguchi locust mound (a real historical site). I realized I ended up using this in my story. I owe that person an apology.

Q: Was there any scene that was particularly difficult to draw? Could you elaborate on it? Noda: The time Sugimoto went against Nihei and Tanigaki. It gave me a very hard time. Who goes where and does what, how does Nihei carry Asirpa, stuff like this. I had no time to waste either, I just remember that sequence overall driving me insane. 

There was also the sequence with Wilk, Sofia and Kiroranke being at Hasegawa’s photo studio. It’s really frustrating to draw something that you know will bore the readers, the story flow becomes less exciting too. I was praying for everyone to have a little more patience and keep reading, because the twist was so good.

Q: If you were to take part in the gold hunt, which group would you like to belong to? Noda: It seems that Hijikata’s group doesn’t have funding problems, and because Kadokura is there the atmosphere is relaxed too. I’d go there.

Q: If you were to find all that gold, how would you use it? Noda: No idea. Had a couple when I was younger, though.

Q: Were you planning to eventually transfer the action to Sakhalin from the very beginning of the series? Noda: Asirpa and Kiroranke have roots there, so I anticipated that the story will eventually move to Sakhalin. I also expected to have to travel to Amur river myself, but couldn’t go after all, only went as far as Khabarovsk. 

I was thinking of making Sugimoto eat permafrost mammoth. There was talk of a research team or an ivory excavation team’s dog eating mammoth. However there was no reason to make Sugimoto and Co go as up north as needed for permafrost, so I scrapped the idea.

Q: Tell me something about the hardships you experienced while doing research is Sakhalin. Noda: It was tough, but fun. I was only able to understand the clear differences between Nivkh and Orok people by going there; I couldn't by only looking at records and materials while in Japan. 

Complete unrelated, but I was surprised by how many stray dogs wander around there. One time my cameraman and I ended up being chased by one while looking for a factory and we had to run for it. The beast was big, about the size of a German Shepherd. The guide also warned us about junkies, it was really scary.

I also went to the Japanese military pillbox over 50th parallel north and prayed at a cenotaph deep in the mountains. I met a group of Japanese people in the hotel by the place where it's said you can still find remains of Japanese soldiers and their driver, a Russian, seemed to help with collection of the remains on the regular. He said that he's doing it out of reverence, even as a former enemy. As a Japanese, I felt gratitude. The 7th Division are villains in my story, but I don't have any personal bias against either side.

Q: What were the biggest differences between drawing Hokkaido and Sakhalin? Noda: Well... it's Russia. Even though Sakhalin is so close, it's already Europe. The structure of houses is strikingly different. There's also the differences between Hokkaido Ainu and Sakhalin Ainu, and differences between Orok and Nivkh people. There is no manga that will conveniently lay the differences of those down for you. 

It seems that the Orok and Nivkh's relation with Japan only got more difficult by the beginning of Showa era, there is only one person in the whole of Japan who can supervise on the Orok language. The professors in cultural studies I consult for Golden Kamuy are truly top-level; not only are they tremendously knowledgeable, they also understand how important to me is to stay impartial.

The wildlife, as well. There's a biogeographical boundary between Hokkaido and Sakhalin, observing animals I would never be able to see in Hokkaido was riveting. 

Q: Did Sugimoto really have a hidden plan during the whole stenka business? Noda: No idea. Even if he used it as a pretext to get everyone involved, though... cut him some slack. He's only a man. Sometimes he just wants to fight and win. Not for Ume-chan or Asirpa-san, just for the sake of proving to himself that he's strong.

Q: Your art is dynamic and detailed. I think your style changed quite a bit with time, though. How would you describe yourself as an artist? Noda: I want to preface this by saying that in no way do I think of myself as more skilled than other mangaka, but if you're drawing everyday for more than 10 hours you're going to improve a lot eventually, whether you want it or not. People who are able to keep the same style for years without change are the ones who are impressive, because it means that they achieved the peak of their potential. Ageing and health problems influence your art a lot, you know. I try to draw by observing. I use a lot of references. Drawing by memory alone is not a good thing.

Speaking of other artists, I once had one of the assistants I had working for me for years draw me a door knob from memory, and the result was a truncated cone resembling pre-packaged pudding. The actual shape of a door knob has an intricately angular circular shape. It's the result of being unobservant in everyday life. Good art requires constant observation.

Q: What was the foundation for your style? Is there an artist you were influenced or inspired by? Noda: Araki Hirohiko-sensei, for sure. During my time as an assistant, many authors told me to not even try to be original when it comes to battle abilities, it's already been done in JoJo, it has it all. He's kind of the Beatles of this industry, isn't he? 

By the way, I usually have no intention of parodying JoJo in Golden Kamuy, but my friends will tell me that they identified this or that reference from time to time. I read Part 1 about 30 years ago but I was obsessed, so maybe some things were just left in my subconscious. I only did one obvious parody, during the stenka fight. Funnily enough that trope started in Fist of the North Star, though, not JoJo.

Q: What's one thing that gives you the most motivation to write? Noda: Fan letters. I know how straining it is to write long and neat sentences by hand, and am thankful for them. I'm happy that people go that far to share their thoughts about my work with me. I'm really grateful to the people who keep reading and supporting Golden Kamuy.

Q: Did you have an interest in Ainu culture before starting the series? Noda: I did not. I'll be glad if my work makes people interested in the Ainu. Prejudice is born out of ignorance, so if you want to learn about the Ainu, don't limit yourself to Hokkaido only; there are museums all around Japan, and they have knowledgeable curators. It's important to remember to take into account the time period and the occupation of the person on which the research materials are based when you're trying to learn about the subject.

Q: You showed us a lot of aspects of life during Meiji and Taisho eras. Tell us about what surprised or impressed you in the process of research. Noda: It's not that I was particularly knowledgeable, so having to check every single thing was quite exhausting. The Ainu, the military, katanas - all of these needed research on my part. 

There are more regulations and rules set for things out there than one could assume, and mangaka who base their works on real life need to be especially careful about this. You have to take into account things like the size of the buttons on a military uniform, how a tea cup is held, and and how different people talk in different ways. For movies there's staff working on costumes and props, there's the cast, there are screenwriters, but in a manga you are the one responsible for every single detail. I wish I had a time machine and travel back to those eras. There are things I couldn't get right here and there that I keep having regrets about.

Q: Golden Kamuy was the main visual in the British Museum manga exhibition between May and August in 2019. I know you went there in person. How was it? Noda: The trip felt like a reward for all of my efforts. The exhibition is jam-packed by opening time, but I got special treatment and they let me inside early in the morning so I could walk around the vast British Museum in solitude. I also travelled between Jack the Ripper's crime scenes at night by taxi.

The driver in a taxi I caught by chance was wonderful, she looked up photos of the crime scenes and surroundings taken at the time of investigation on her smartphone and showed them to me one by one, saying things like "the third victim was found here!". 

I've always had a soft spot for Jack the Ripper, back in middle school I even wrote a screenplay for a school festival stage and played him in it myself. It was done in very poor taste, like that one scene in the Addams Family movie where there are arms blown away and fountains of blood gushing out. The audience loved it. 

Q: Please leave a message for the readers. Or maybe some advice for the troubled youth. Noda: I want people to say that everyone in Golden Kamuy had a satisfying ending, and I want that for everyone involved more than anything. As for advice for the troubled youth, there's none. Life is survival of the fittest. The weak ones get eaten.

[charkyzombicorn]

Okay thought up a quirk and a villain motivation so I'm gonna put it on Izuku because reasons.

The quirk is called Picture Perfect

⚠️Trigger Warning⚠️

Whoever Izuku takes a picture of (physical picture, digital doesn't count) is frozen, disappearing from the real world and only existing in that photo. Izuku doesn't discover his quirk until he's about 14, he was given the diagnosis of quirkless and no one uses polaroids anymore so it wasn't exactly easy to catch. Since he was 'quirkless' for a whole decade, his dad left and him mom had to work two jobs to support them both and he started coming home beaten bloody by his classmates and after ten years Izumi Midoriya is always tired. She rarely looked happy anymore, and Izuku couldn't help because the whole world seemed to be crushing her. And when Izuku is 14, he decides to get a polaroid so that he can start putting more than just his idol on his wall.

It's his mom's birthday, he made her her favorite dessert and picked up some shifts at the library so she wouldn't have to work that day. She was smiling the brightest smile he'd seen in years and he used his polaroid for the first time to take a picture of his mother. So he was terrified at first when he realised he'd accidentally trapped her, deducing that it was his quirk and that he could let her out if he tried. He almost did, but then he saw the smile on her face, frozen, happy. He put her picture down on the table and left, going outside and testing his quirk on a few strays to make sure he could absolutely get his mom back without hurting her. He went back home an hour later and he realised something.

She was frozen, happy, she didn't have to worry about anything in there, the world wasn't crushing her, she was safe. Keeping people safe and happy is what heroes did, wasn't it?

He carefully used double-sided tape to fasten the picture to the wall without tampering with the ink. That's what he was doing, he was protecting her from all the harsh things even pro heroes couldn't protect people from.

He didn't tell anyone, if he did, they would make her go back to working herself to death, they would take smile off her face. He wouldn't let that happen. He stopped going to school, he left his house with only a few pairs of clothes, some money, and his mother safely stashed away pressed in a hardcover cookbook. He had to give up the idea of UA, but that was okay, because he was gonna be a hero to protect people for all the harshness of the world instead of just villains.

He thought it was selfish that he had the power to freeze people in bliss and only gave his mother said freedom, so he marched up to the first homeless man he saw and explained his quirk, offered the man a trouble-free existence.

To his surprise, the man seemed horrified at the idea. He said he would keep his life and the hardships that came with it, and sped away as if Izuku were crazy. Izuku didn't offer anyone else, wandering around the red light district looking for a cheap hotel to stay the night. He ended up accidentally going in circles and it was starting to get dark when he came across an alleyway, and some part of his gut urged him toward it.

Eventually his steps became wet and he looked down, in the dim light he could barely see a figure to he turned on the flashlight on his phone. He threw up a second later. There in the middle of the alley was the corpse of that same homeless man, mangled and broken and not breathing. If he had just listened to Izuku this never would have happened, he would have been happy and alive and as well as his mother. He ran away, tears clouding his vision because he couldn't protect this one.

Next time, he didn't ask. Instead, he offered the homeless woman a sandwich and talked to her. It seemed she didn't get that sort of kindness often because she brightened at the wide-eyed little boy she met. They chatted and laughed and it was one of the best days the woman had had in months of misfortune. He decided to capture her, which he thought sounded much worse than it was. He whipped out his camera and told a lie about taking pictures of people he helped in the community for a school project and she obliged happily. He put her picture in the cookbook for safe keeping.

He kept doing this, for every down-on-their-luck person he came across, he was reported a missing person along with his mother so he started dying his hair and wearing a medical mask, purely to keep all his pictures safe and happy.

But then the news started getting on with all the missing persons, and he was labeled a villain. He knew why, the general public don't know how happy they can be, forever. He was given the name Broke Bandit, which was a rather dumb name, but a bit fitting considering he mostly took pictures of people who were down on their luck money wise. He started being more careful, only making people happy when they were alone because he'd already done too much good to give it all up now. He was helping people, no matter how much the public wanted to twist his motives. He took odd jobs to keep himself fed and housed, occasionally sleeping in empty bachelor pads and borrowing money from wallets that wouldn't be needed where their owners were. The UA exams passed and his Kacchan got into UA just like he always wanted, Izuku was so happy for him. But then UA was attacked by the league of villains and that wouldn't do. How could Kacchan be happy if he wasn't safe at his own dream school?

He did research, but that wasn't enough. He started taking up different kinds of odd jobs. People traded people for information, a few questionable individuals but if they were consorting with these types the people he captured must have been bad types. He gave away the photographs with minimal questioning, not releasing them from their pictures though. Even if these people wanted to kill the people he captured for them, he wouldn't let them hurt. That wasn't was heroes did.

He found the LOV base too late, Kacchan was kidnapped by those bastards and that wouldn't do. He made his way there as quickly as possible, he picked up a few tricks capturing people before they could see him, and he got into the base with a bit of struggle. He positioned himself right behind the chair they had crudely strapped Kacchan to, and got his camera ready.

He took a picture of everyone in the room from just above Kacchan's head so he wouldn't be captured too, and every villain disappeared into the tiny piece of paper.

He walked into view of his former bully, waving the picture casually as if he weren't internally bouncing off the walls with excitement to see his oldest and only friend. But before he did, he had business to take care of.

He held up the picture, showing the final moment of the LOV. "They're all in here, trapped until I let them out." He said evenly, before gently opening the blond's palm and placing the picture there before closing the fist, hearing the paper curl and crinkle. "Destroy it." He said, staring down at his friend with a mad glint in his eye.

Red eyes went wide, his jaw clenched before he started hurling insults like they were still five and he was having a tantrum. "What the fuck?! No! Why should I believe you?! Fucking asshole! I'll kill you! Why would I kill them I ain't a damn MONSTER!!" He struggled harshly against his restraints, accidentally making his palms sweat more.

No, Izuku couldn't get rid of the LOV, the credit would go to an unknown mask instead of Kacchan, and Kacchan wanted to be number one. Taking down a whole villain organisation that even got past All Might would surely help Katsuki more than him. He sighed, and decided once again, since people refused to see the bigger picture, he'd give it to them free of charge whether they liked it or not. He hooked a finger under his mask, and pulled it down. He smiled kindly at his friend, who suddenly looked like he'd seen a ghost.

Then all the rage that had been collecting over all those months since Deku had disappeared made him slip. He lost control and reflexively made an explosion big enough to decintigrate the tiny photo.

Ash fell through the teen's fingers as he realised he had just killed people. He struggled against his restraints more harshly, hissing and spitting barely comprehensible threats.

Izuku's work was done, so he tugged his mask back up before putting a finger over his covered mouth. Katsuki froze. "Don't tell anyone I was here, then you won't get all the credit for such an amazing feat, ne?" And he left.

Katsuki told. And Izuku had never felt more betrayed when he saw his face on the news of the cheap motel TV talking about all his heroism as if he were evil. He cried.

He needed advice, but he had no one. So after a lot of debate, he got out his mother's picture, still smiling in front of her birthday cake as she was when he'd taken her. He released her.

She stumbled backwards, losing all the colour in her face and falling as if she hadn't used her legs in months, her puples like pinpricks. She looked up at Izuku and everything she emitted was fear, not tainted with relief or happiness at all. Izuku didn't understand.

He tried to explain what happened, but she didn't say a word, she kept crawling away from him feebly as if he were everything bad in one small package. "Y-Y-You're a murderer." She said, and Izuku would have revelled in hearing his mothers voice again after so long were it not for the words.

"What?"

"I was there, I couldn't move, you let people die, you killed people, you trapped people." Her voice got more steady as she got more angry but it barely covered a portion of her skin-bleaching fear. Izuku blinked at his mother.

"I-I was just trying to help--" his words made her flinsh as if she didn't know he was her son.

Suddenly anger flooded the teenage boy. "I gave up UA to try to keep you happy, I gave up my name to protect people from killing themselves with all the hardships of this world! I gave my life to keep bad people off the streets and to keep people happy!! I lost everything, and now you won't even look your own son in the eyes?!" He hated this, he gave everything and she was looking at him like this. Angry tears flowed down his cheeks as he harshly grabbed the polaroid still hanging from his neck, and his mother scrambled to try to stop him even though all she could do with the lack of practice moving was crawl.

His next picture of her wasn't happy. She was pale, crying, pathetic, reaching for the camera with wide eyes that held nothing but fear for her only son. He crumpled up the paper into a crude ball, stomping out to the hotel parking lot and burning her picture on the concrete, followed by everyone else he kept safe in his cookbook.

If everyone insisted he was a murderer, if he was going to be punished as a murderer no matter what he did, he might as well be guilty.