#anyone else having trouble using these things... godspeed.

[drinksss]

they specifically designed glucose monitoring lancets to minimize pain. And yet...

[panlight]

I remember seeing a post once about how Bella's only really ~selfless~ when it comes to the Edward/the Cullens and i honestly agree.

even if midnight sun supposedly gave more moments of bella's told ~kindness and selflessness~ in the main books where they're actually from HER pov there are still plenty moments where it comes off otherwise.

She only really gets close to jacob just to have him tell her about the legends, so she can figure out more about edward/his family, to which in MS Edward gets this ✨brilliant✨ idea to use that as a "justification" to slaughter a tribe that already is willing to allow his family in their area despite having EVERY right to not welcome them due to what their kind can do to their people. so that's..fun :) (actually speaking of MS, I can't get over how edward is bitching about billy being rightfully leery of them and hates how he sees them as monsters despite saying the same things to Bella whenever he wants to convince her of how dangerous their relationship/her choice to be a vampire is. lol)

In new moon, she only decides to reconnect with Jessica mainly to "get Charlie off her back" and when Jessica gets rightfully upset that she nearly got into trouble approaching some shady guys in a bar, Bella sees Jessica as "having gone to the dark side". Like?? Bella, your lucky she even still bothered to hang out with you after giving her the cold shoulder for months. And the first time you two hang out, you nearly endangered yourself AND her all because you wanted to see a figment of Edward in your head.

In fact! While I like Jacob's friendship with Bella in new moon (idc if people said it was boring because "no vampires"; the platonic chemistry bella and jacob had was 👌👌) the fact was Bella's original plan to see Jacob was to get him to fix the bikes so she can keep seeing "Edward" in her head.

I remember being irritated at Bella mostly at the end of New Moon, tbh. A moment that stood out was when Charlie was mad at Edward for leaving her behind and what he did to her (as a good father SHOULD) yet Bella threatens him to leave home if he won't ease up on edward as if he's the one who doesn't get it?? Bella sucks in that scene because earlier she LEARNS how hard it was for Charlie, seeing her like that and trying every possible way to help her (only for Bella to reject it each time) and yet he's expected to deal with the same guy who, from his perspective, broke his daughter's heart like nothing happened??

In Eclipse, while Bella's moment with Angela helping her with the letters was nice (wish we got more of these small moments, especially if Angela was supposedly such a good friend to her), it's tainted with how it was mainly so she wouldn't have to confront Edward's anger (yikes) for her seeing Jacob.

Actually, most of Eclipse i really disliked how Bella kinda see's anyone that doesn't kiss ass to the Cullens or are completely okay with her despite how she treated them during her depression period as the "bad guys" (Bella's words on her classmates: "us vs them").

Honestly, Breaking Dawn was such a hot mess (though our little friend group may be revisiting the entire saga (which will unfortunately include BD) next year for it's 20th anniversary, so...godspeed lol) but the main thing that stood out was how she and the Cullens were just...willing to host all the visiting vampires over at Forks, these vampires who DO feed on human blood, and risk all the children of the tribe phasing into wolves. And ALL she has to say about either are "well, them feeding on humans makes me uncomfortable but oh well :( " and "with all these vampires, the explosion of werewolf population was inevitable :0" Tbh it's not just Bella in this situation, the Cullens in here really suck. There was NO reason they couldn't just meet somewhere else. I do partially blame Jacob for it too, because I *think* there was this line where he talks (to Edward iirc?) about how hard it is to be away from Ricochet, but dude! Just go with them! You don't need to endanger the younger people in your tribe! You of ALL people should know what that's like!!

So far that's all i have to say becus that's all I can remember (though that might change once our friend book club get together next year for the saga's 20th, where our memories will be much more fresh XD). it's just,,,UGH, I can't wrap my head with how Edward and Jacob go on about Bella being so ~selfless~ with Jacob even going on about how she's a ~martyr when really, her selflessness is either selective, or mostly just self-serving.

I really enjoy the Jacob and Bella friendship, too, but when you stop and think about it . . . it all started with her using him. The first time she awkwardly attempted to flirt with him to get him to tell her the 'scary stories' on the beach, and then in New Moon she shows up out of nowhere because she wants him to fix the bikes. Bella eventually realizes like "oh hey I genuinely like spending time with Jake," but it started with "what can I get out of him?"

And like, fine! Humans do that kind of stuff! We're flawed! It's just weird the narrative is demonizing Jessica for like, mostly hanging out with Bella to try and get some of Bella's instant popularity to rub off on her, but Bella gets a pass for her treatment of Jacob because Protagonist. Bella's allowed to be flawed, that's great, makes her more interesting, but the overall narrative is still like "omg so SELFLESS" and it's like, um sometimes?

And yeah I will always hate the Breaking Dawn feeding situation. There are so many better ways to resolve it. But I think SM ultimately wasn't really interested in the vegetarian vampire stuff beyond just needing a reason Edward and Bella could be together. There are fun things she could have done here if she like, cared. She's already established that Carlisle is buying blood. Maybe their guests would have found it delightfully amusing to be served blood in wine glasses or Esme could make like 1950s housewife blood Jello molds or something. OR there could have been arguments about it! Carlisle trying to persuade them, Emmett challenging them "bet you can't go a week on our diet plan!" Rosalie sneering in disgust. Siobhan testing her maybe-power by trying to see if she can will everyone to abstain. OR they were literally only there for like two weeks. That's the average length of time between hunting. The book kind of makes it feel like they were there for a long time, but the earliest showed up middle of December and the confrontation is on New Year's Eve. Also I can't get over the idea that all these people KNOW Carlisle. Some have known him longer than the other Cullens have! You don't go visit your devout vegan friend and expect to be served bacon cheeseburgers. You try the tofu stir-fry.

But SM didn't really want to get into it, so Bella doesn't super care. I personally think "it makes me a little uncomfortable" was just the laziest, least satisfying way to handle it. And the shifters just having to stand there and watch because oh well we need them to witness for Nessie and she's Jacob's imprint so she matters more than anyone else is, uh, not good. Especially when earlier in the SAME BOOK Sem straight-up says: "When blood drinkers cross our land, we destroy them, no matter where they plan to hunt. We protect everyone we can." Again, there could be interesting conflict here, but it would shift the focus from the Bella and Nessie stuff, so Bella just feels a little bad and we move on.

But anyway yeah I think Bella's the most selfless when it comes to grand gestures. She'll exile herself to Forks so Renee will be free to travel, she'll sacrifice herself to James to save her mom, she'll consider stabbing herself with a rock to distract Victoria and Riley to save Edward and Seth, she'll risk her life and dreamed-of eternity with Edward to bring Renesmee into the world. But in the day-to-day stuff, she can be just as selfish and manipulative and judgmental as anyone else. She's 'human,' even when she's not human anymore.

[chaseatinydream]

pirate king (67) || atz

Your walk back to the pier your ship is at is completely silent.

The fortune teller hadn’t awoken for a while, but from the way she was still breathing you assumed that she was still alive, merely exhausted from her fortune telling, so you had left your shawl draped around her shoulders, tucking her into it before you had exited the shack and made your way back.

You stop for a while to stand at the end of the docks, overlooking the ocean as the waves lap against the stone. Looking into the watery depths, you frown, the water shifts and roils beneath you, and for a second you see someone staring back at you as the surface of the black water ripples, hair made of sea foam, eyes dark like the bottomless depths of the ocean where no light ever reaches. You blink in confusion, lean further to look more closely, but before you can catch a clearer glimpse the water swirls and another wave crests; and the image is gone.

“Looking for one of the souls of the dead, dearie?”

You turn around to see an old woman standing there, a kind smile on her face that make her wrinkles crease. She has a basket of sweet, vibrantly colored fruits tucked under one arm and you frown, shake your head slowly. “No... I was just looking. What do you mean, souls of the dead?”

“Well, what you’re standing next to right now is a shrine set up in the sea goddess’ name.” You glance over to your side and sure enough, there’s a small structure set up there. Squatting down to look at the interior more clearly, there are knotted ropes hanging from the sides of the shrine, and you run your finger along the rough material thoughtfully. “What are these?”

“Knots from a ship’s rigging, to pray for a smooth journey and godspeed.” The elderly woman answers you, shuffling next to you. She holds out the basket and drops one fruit at a time silently into the dark water, each one making a soft splash and you tilt your head, watching the waves carry the fruits away from the harbor. “What are you doing?”

“This is where land meets the sea.” The elderly woman says quietly as the last fruit, a bright yellow mango, falls from her hands and into the water with a splash. “Where people used to light lanterns and push them into the sea, to guide the spirits of the dead home, until a ship caught aflame when the waves pushed one too close to it. Now people just light candles.” You look down to see burnt out stubs of wax at your feet, each for a person lost to the waves. “Where people make offerings to the sea goddess, for whatever reason they might have.”

The fortune teller’s words come back to you. “As if human offerings such as fruit or even gold would be of anything of worth to a god. They have no need for it.” You find yourself repeating under your breath, but the old woman appears to hear it and shakes her head.

“Offerings have never about giving the gods something they need.” She says quietly, looking out over the sea, eyes following yours, to the line where the black sea swallows the night - or is it the other way around? “The essence of it has always been giving up,” your eyes flicker to her, “laying down something precious to you in hopes of being able to reach something dearer to your heart. It is proof of your devotion, an offering of your longing, a manifestation of the true desires of your human heart.”

You stay silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of the waves crash against the stone wharf. “A manifestation,” you repeat slowly after her, “of the true desires of the human heart.”

The old woman nods, eyes fixed on the gloom before you. “The only things that I believe can move the hands of gods,” she says, so soft that the swirl of water beneath you almost drown her words out, “is the human heart, because that is the one thing they neither have nor understand. Look at the forces of nature,” she gestures at the sea churning beneath you with a hand, “the sea does not discriminate against who sails its waters. Whether young or old, good or bad, rich or poor, the seas drag them all beneath their waves regardless.”

That’s morbid, you think to yourself.

“But us humans, we pray and hope and desire so badly, and sometimes, once in a blue moon, a miracle happens.” She adds on, with a longing smile. “Inexplicable things that are impossible to explain. What other way but the gods?”

You nod slowly in understanding, glancing back down the way you had come, remembering the fortune teller’s eyes full of hatred and spite when she had been speaking about the gods. Who truly understands the gods, who really knows their true nature? Who knows them for who they are, and not just what they are?

They don’t have names, nor do they have eternal souls… no one calls upon them for who they are, only what they are.

For some reason, you think you understand now.

“And you?” You ask softly, letting your gaze drop back to the candles at your feet, wondering just how many the seas have taken. “What is it that you desire from the sea?”

Something stirs in you, probing, and you look at the old woman curiously. She laughs, tucking her basket back under her arm. “Just my young grandson who sailed on his first voyage a year back. There was a storm, and he hasn’t come back.” She smiles, exhales a little shakily. “My son told me to give up hope, that he’s gone, lost to sea... but I can’t. I won’t give up till the seas return my boy, dead or alive.”

A tiny smile tugs at the corner of your lips.

“You’re not losing hope.” You whisper, gazing out at the sea once more. “And your desire to see him again is strong.”

She makes a noise, waving you off. “He’s my only grandson.” She smiles warmly at you. “He is my family after all.”

You turn away from her, looking down the pier to look at the where the Treasure sits on the waves, back to where your family is. “He’ll come back soon.” You tell her quietly. “I can’t promise anything but... he will.”

The old woman gasps a little, then beams at you, small tears budding up in the corners of her eyes. “Thank you, dear.”

“No, thank you for talking to me tonight.” You reply, bowing to her. “I’ll be going now.”

She waves as you begin to walk away, back to the dock the Treasure waits. “Remember the essence of an offering,” she calls after you, and you hear her last words to you drifting over on the sea breeze.

“It is sacrifice.”

>>>

You run into someone the second you step back aboard the Treasure.

“Chin Hae!” You startle a little, turn to see your master marching furiously over to you across the deck. His face is twisted with worry and anger, and he stops just in front of you, practically in your face. “Where have you been?” He’s just shy of shouting now, and for a second you think how lucky you are that no one is out on the deck to hear him. You look at him, eyes red with lack of sleep, face drawn tight with exhaustion and weariness and your heart throbs painfully in your chest.

“- why did you sneak off the ship in the middle of the night, without anyone to accompany you, no less?” His voice starts to pitch higher and higher with barely restrained emotion, cracking a little on the end. “What if something happened to you? I went out of my mind with worry when I looked all over the ship for you and you weren’t there, why, I was about to wake captain to sound the alarm, and you just stroll back onto the ship all fine and dandy, and-”

You wrap your arms around his waist and pull him close, resting your cheek on his shoulder gently, closing your eyes as you breathe in deep. The floral and herbal fragrance of him fills your lungs, and you smile quietly. Everything is just still... just quiet.

“I’m dying.” You say out loud for the first time. The words feel strange on your tongue, but right, as if you already know this is a fact. “I’m... really about to die.”

The only future is death. It comes as the storm approaches… on the horizon of the sea.

“What do you mean?” Your master asks, suddenly confused as his hands come up to grip your shoulders tight, urgency and desperation in his voice. “Chin Hae, where did you go?”

“The fortune teller from last time.” You tell him softly, pressing your face into his shoulder as if that can hide you from all the troubles brewing on your horizon. “She said I’m going to die, Master. That all the paths set before me only lead to death. That there’s no other way.”

“That’s bullshit.” San retorts instantly through gritted teeth. “What does a voodoo fortune teller know? No one knows the future-”

“Master.” You cut him off quietly, pulling away from him just a little so that you can look into his eyes, his hands still trembling at your shoulders. “It’s the truth, I can feel it. She’s telling the truth, and the prophecy she gave me... it’s going to come to pass soon. I know it.”

“How?” He asks, voice breaking. “How do you know? You can’t just give up hope like this, Chin Hae. I can’t, I won’t. I can’t just sit around, doing nothing and twiddling my thumbs while I just watch you die, can I? Even if it’s hopeless, even if everything says no, I can’t.” A single tear of anguish spills over, rolls down his cheek. “You’re one of the crew, my apprentice, our family.”

You think of the old woman standing at the pier, basket of fruits in hand as she stares out to sea, waiting for her grandson to come home. The oceans are bigger than the mind can fathom, more treacherous than a den of lions, and yet she still waits, because what else can she do? Her heart refuses to settle, and now, you understand your master’s pain.

“I know. And I’m sorry for all the things that I’ve said.” You bump his hand lightly with your wooden one, and he looks down at it with wet eyes, chewing at his bottom lip. “I won’t ask you to stop, but I don’t want you to feel like it’s your fault when the inevitable happens.”

“We should tell captain.” San reiterates, more insistently this time. Your eyes flick up to him urgently, mouth already opening to disagree but your master shakes your shoulders lightly. “Captain deserves to know, at least. You’re his crew mate, and though it’s difficult for him to show it, he cares for you and you’re precious to him.”

“That is exactly,” You reply quietly, “why I can’t tell him. There was once he thought he was going to lose me and...” you squeeze your eyes shut, trying to shake away the painful images in your mind of your captain’s tears, the desperation in his sobs, and force yourself to continue. “I can’t do that to him, Master.”

“And you dying on him all of a sudden is supposed to make things better?” He asks incredulously, and you flinch. “Chin Hae, you can’t make me believe that keeping this secret is the best thing to do. What about Wooyoung? He loves you!”

You suck in a breath, sighing. “I told him I didn’t love him back.” You answer, staring over your master’s shoulder, quite unable to meet his eye. “His feelings will die with time, and he’ll find someone else-”

“But do you?” San cuts you off sharply, and you tug at your bottom lip with your teeth, hesitant. His laugh rings in your ears, hand warm in yours and the sturdiness of his shoulder as you rest your head there. “Do I...” You whisper quietly into the air between the two of you, before you shake your head. “Does it matter? In the end, nothing will come out of it.”

“Wooyoung’s feelings might die over time.” San affirms, and your eyes widen slightly with surprise; you’d expected him to say the contrary. “But I can promise you, it won’t be in this lifetime. Give him a hundred, no, maybe a thousand years.” Your heart cracks. “And then those feelings will die long after he’s dead. I know my best friend.” He says with so much conviction that you feel tears pricking at your eyes. “He loves you specially, differently, too deeply, I’m afraid. While that might not be a wholly good thing, I can tell you this,” his eyes burn into yours, “you are the first woman he’s loved is his entire life, and will probably be the only woman he loves in his entire life.”

“San, stop, please.” You beg, holding up a hand. Your master falls silent abruptly at the sound of his name, but he doesn’t look like he regrets anything he said one bit. “So what if he loves me? Nothing is going to come of it. I’m going to die, Master.”

“And I don’t want you to live like you’re already dead.” He insists, and you frown, looking up at him. “I don’t want you to give up hope that you might live. Too many people, myself included,” he bops you on the nose gently, even though his eyes are luminous with tears, “love you too much. If you’ve given up on yourself, at least don’t give up for us. I’m not giving up until you’re dead, Chin Hae.”

You squeeze your eyes shut, fighting back tears. “Okay.” His arms wrap around your shoulders, pulling you close until you’re cradled against him, head resting against his shoulder. “I promise.”

You’ve made another promise a long time ago to your captain, one that you don’t think you can keep. Promises are broken all the time, sailors leaving for the sea and promising to come home, a promise to a husband or wife to love the other forever, but this promise, you think, you can keep.

San pulls away, wipes the tears from your eyes and sniffles down at you. “So what about captain?” He asks, and you sigh, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“I’ll... I’ll tell him.” You say, gripping the fabric of your shirt tight. “Not now, though. It’s right after Yunho’s near death experience and captain is still shaken. He hates feeling helpless, and if I told him now...” Your voice trails off.

San sighs.

“I feel like there will never be a ‘right’ time for something like this.” He brushes the dirt from your shoulders, before one of his hands drop down to hold yours tight. “And I hate to say that I agree, but you’re right. Please just... make sure he knows.”

“I will.” You say, before you drop his hand and turn back towards the sick bay. “Come on, let’s get to bed. I’m tired from my little late night escapades and I’m sure you are too from looking for me.”

You hear San’s laugh for the first time in a long while. “That’s because you’re such a hassle to look after.” He pinches your cheek as he falls into step beside you. “And I want to keep looking after you forever, so you can’t give up, alright?”

You nod, trying to ignore the tears pooling at the corner of your eyes. “I’m going to annoy you as long as I can.”

Later, when the two of you are in the darkness of the sick bay and you’re fumbling about for your pillow, you hear a soft ‘scoot over’ and you do. A few seconds later, San slides into the sheets next to you and pokes you on the nose.

“Stuffed animals make people feel better.” He whispers to you, even though the room is empty save for the sound of the waves lapping against the hull of the ship. “I’m going to be yours tonight, so just hug me all you want.”

You look at him for a second, a dark shape outlined against the faint light coming from the potholes, and trace his face with your eyes, committing every feature to memory. Then you smile, open your arms wide and wrap them around him. “You’re just doing this for free hugs, aren’t you?”

“I’ve been discovered.” San gasps in mock horror, before one of his hands come up to card gently through your hair. “Go to sleep. We’ll face tomorrow when it comes together.”

“Okay.” You say softly, eyelids already heavy as you snuggle against his warmth. “Together.”

“Together.” He repeats after you, and the two of you drift into sleep as the rocking of the ship lulls the two of you into dreamland.

>>>

You’re woken the next morning by a commotion outside the ship.

“What’s going on?” You ask blearily, sitting up in your bed. The noise is raucous, awfully loud. Your master’s face is pressed to a pothole, hair still mussed from sleep - he must have awoken not long before you - but when he turns back to you, he’s wearing a wide, happy grin.

“I don’t really know, but apparently a ship that’s been missing for a while has come back to town.” He says and something in you skips a beat. Stumbling out of bed and over to the window, you squeeze there next to your master and look out.

Another vessel, not nearly as big as the Treasure, limps into the docks next to you. It looks worse for wear, shoddy patching done on the hull and you can see that it’s entire main mast has had to be replaced, but it’s still here.

The gangplank lowers, and the one man fights his way off the ship, dashing down before the wood is fully set in place. He stumbles once, picks himself up, and dashes down the gangplank so fast his legs are a blur. You follow him with your eyes, heart warming, until you see who he’s headed towards.

You gasp.

The old woman from yesterday is standing there with a basket of fruits in hand, frozen in shock as the young man barrels his way towards her. Just shy of crashing into her he stops, panting, before gently, with shaking hands, he wraps his arms around her, sobbing into her shoulder. The old woman bursts into tears, clinging onto him tightly as well, crying for all she’s worth.

“I knew you were coming back, I just knew it...” You hear faintly over the wind as her grandson chides her for still waiting at the harbor, running gentle fingers over her wrinkles and asking if she’s been sleeping well, if she’s been eating well, if her back still hurts.

For the first time in a long while, you smile.

[writer-and-artist27]

Chapter 19 Missing Scene

Note: Inspired by two specific chapters in a Fire Emblem: Three Houses fanfic I’ve been reading, titled Godspeed, and taking place between S&S 19 and 20. The ending specifically leads into the main conflict of S&S 20, now that I think on it. I took from this chapter of CYB too when writing. 

Let it be said I regret not writing the scene of Tomo gifting Obito cupcakes. So, I’m fixing it. 

Oh? You’re wondering where this came from? Dunno. Let it be said I have no clue where all this fluff comes from, especially with how the world is dealing with collective trauma. But this oneshot/interlude thingie is loosely based on an actual conversation I had with Josh and Leo when I was in high school, so there are emotions at least.

The theme song I recommend for this thingie is Qonell’s piano and vocal rendition of Credens Justitiam from Madoka. It’s the only thing I found that fit.

---------------------------

Staaaaaare. 

I fidgeted.

Staaaaaaaaaare. 

Is he going to let you in or not? Hisako said hotly.

Obito didn’t move when I gently gestured with the plate in my hands for him to take it. He merely kept his gaze fixated on the orange frosting and light white sprinkles covering all of the cupcakes there, his jaw slack enough to hit the floor if it could.

“Obi?” I tried gently.

Obito startled in place at his apartment doorstep, glancing to both sides as if to gauge if someone was watching before grabbing my hand. I did my best to retain my balance and hold onto the cupcakes as he pulled me into his home, eyes frantic as he used his other hand to lock the door behind us. “T-Tomo-chan,” he said slowly once he established we were alone, “this isn’t what I think it is, i-is it?”

Despite the anxiety starting to flood my veins, I still raised my delivery of a cupcake plate towards him. “I felt bad about you having to yell at me and Kei-chan yesterday, so I woke up early to make cupcakes to compensate for the trouble? And as a small apology?”

“I-It’s no trouble!” Obito yelped, his hand immediately letting go of mine to wave around in the air like a limp rag toy. “Sure, it sucked hearing you two talking yourselves down, but being there is what friends do!” His voice pitched upwards like he was in disbelief I was even here offering him something. And his cheeks were flushing red too. What was going on? “You didn’t have to do this, Tomo-chan!”

Oh. 

I sense insecurity here, Hisako added helpfully.

Aye. Outwardly, I smiled wryly and still offered the cupcake plate to him. “But I wanted to, Obi.”

Obito opened his mouth as if about to say something before stopping. Quite comically too. In any other place, it could’ve looked like he had turned to stone. And in any other situation, I would’ve laughed it off and called it a day, but this was still Obito. Obito was still a boy who, in another universe, was so touch-starved and lonely that it took one man manipulating everything for him to turn out evil. And I didn’t want that. I never did. 

“…Why, Tomo-chan?” Obito said finally, his eyebrows furrowed across his forehead. It was as if his mind had finally started turning enough gears to address me as the awkward elephant in the room. “You’re not getting anything out of this.”

“What do you mean by that?” I asked honestly back, feeling confused. 

Obito throws his hands behind his head and turns away, gazing elsewhere in his apartment. It’s only then that I notice how musty the place smells. Dusty. Barely lived-in. Almost empty. It takes a bit of my self-control to not glance past his shoulder to survey the place. “You have a lot on your hands already, Tomo-chan,” he elaborated, his hands tightening their grip on each other behind his hair as he doesn’t meet my eyes. “Taking care of the café with Judai-jichan and Hikari-bachan, training with Kei and Hayate, working with Rin-chan in your off-time, and then handling… handling…” Obito attempts to hold back a sigh but fails anyway, exhaling loudly through his nose as he breathes out, “Bakashi,” and I try not to wince at the bad nickname. Grudges were still present, apparently. “So why come here? Why make cupcakes for me?”

Hisako blinks behind her gray glasses as whatever witty retort she had on her tongue is lost in the shared surprise. He thinks you should be spending your time elsewhere. Her voice came out incredulous in our shared mindscape. He thinks he… Oh, Obito. 

I shook my head. “I wanted to, Obi,” I began, my voice quieter in an attempt to be gentle. I had no clue if it was working, but it was enough to make Obito turn to meet my eyes. “You helped me out, so I wanted to do something in exchange. That’s all.”

Obito still frowned. “Friendship isn’t just give and take, Tomo-chan,” he said in the same quiet voice, making him sound all the more serious, but one of his arms still twitched, his gaze flickering between my face and the cupcakes still in my hand. “Friendship is just us enjoying our time together, helping out when we can. You don’t have to keep giving us things just for us to come after you.”

My heart beat at that and I smiled. “That doesn’t stop me from giving you these cupcakes, Obi.”

“You’re not listening!” I jump once Obito rounds on me with a scowl, his voice loud with protest. “You’re always giving things, Tomo-chan! Even when you’re hurting and struggling! You don’t have to do that! We all care for you too! Just…” he simmers down as if he lost steam at the last part, lowering his gaze to the carpet of his apartment. “Why? Why put in all the effort?”

Why try…? Hisako filled in, her tone screaming understanding and sadness all at once. 

I already knew by Obito’s outburst that it was a delicate moment. I was walking on eggshells and anything else could ruin things. 

Like it did with Ty. 

So, without anything to back me up, I said in the same small voice, apropos of nothing, “Because you all deserve nice things and I love you?”

Obito stilled at that. He raised his head to look at me, for real this time, his black eyes wide enough to expose my reflection in the irises.

My tiny nervous reflection.

I tried not to think of a certain other black-haired boy who I loved once, blocking out his voice in my head to open my mouth. “…There’s been times where I look at everyone’s backs and find them looking lonely,” I admitted, shaking my head. “And considering how I’m a civilian and everyone else is shinobi, I just…wanted to give something back, is all.” It still felt like an excuse in the back of my mind, but at the same time, I knew I meant every single word. “There’s so much you all will go through in life away from Konoha, away from the café, Obi. So, if I could do something to help make everyone feel a bit better, a bit happier in spite of the war,” I put on a small smile while offering the cupcakes to him, “that’s enough of a reason, isn’t it?”

Obito blinked at me.

Feeling anxious, I found my thoughts coming out in rambles. “I-I mean, you and Kei and everyone else do a lot! I appreciate you still being here with me in spite of my weirdness, being my friend and caring, so um.” I ducked my head and thrust my hands forward, hoping the cupcakes got somewhere. Seriously, what was wrong with me? “Just take these. Please?”

A pregnant and awkward pause followed my outburst. My heart was pounding enough for the palms of my hands to get sweaty, and once it became obvious Obito wasn’t saying anything, I peeked up from between my bangs to try reading his expression. 

What’s going on? Hisako said for me.

“Obi?” I tried again, gulping. “I-If you don’t like vanilla cupcakes with buttercream frosting, I could try to do something—”

Words failed me once Obito took hold of one of my hands again. He proceeded to lead me into his apartment kitchen and without glancing up to meet my gaze, opened the fridge to gently take the cupcake plate off my other hand. He then placed it inside, probably on one of the shelves, before closing the fridge door and turning back to face me. 

Out of anything he could’ve done, I did not expect him to rush and tackle me into a tight hug. It took all I had to not squeak, inhaling as much air as I could to compensate for the year or two that was knocked out of me in the initial encounter while placing a hand on his back. My feet weren’t on the ground anymore, my calves feeling the cold air coming in from the open window. Sure, I could extend my toes to touch the floor, but… “Obi?”

There was a soft sniffle against the top of my hair. “Tomo-chan,” Obito said finally, my nickname coming out almost like a prayer of sorts as he squeezed me tighter, “Tomo-chan.” This time he gasped for air and I did my best to ignore the feeling of something wet starting to soak the shoulder of my blouse. “Tomo-chan.”

I think you shocked him, Hisako offered, a wry smile on her face. Has anyone said the things you have to him before, dear?

I thought back to Obito’s birthday and felt the realization hit me like cold water. No, I admitted to her, I don’t think anyone has. Except Kei and Hayate and Miyako-bachan and everyone else. 

Who weren’t here in the original Canon, dear, she reminded me almost immediately. Her voice is softer, comforting even. You’re doing good. You’re helping a friend out, so don’t stay here all stiff. 

I wound my arms around Obito’s waist back, hugging him. “Aye aye,” I say softly, resting my nose into the crook between his shoulder and neck. “I’m here, Obi.”

Obito snorts, and this time a hand is on the back of my head, tightening the hug and giving the clear signal that he didn’t want me to let go. “Tomo-chan,” he repeats, a sound caught between a gurgle and a happy sob of sorts following the call of my nickname, “y-you really are—”

“I try, Obi,” I settle for instead, patting his back. “I try. It’s okay.”

I didn’t think I had the courage to let go either. 

Obito didn’t seem to want to point out the little wet droplets covering the shoulder of his jacket once I snuggled him, but at that point, I’m glad he didn’t. 

I could push out bad thoughts and Ty a bit longer with moments like this. 

---------------------------

By the time I woke up the next morning to start work, no one in the house but me seemed surprised to hear knocking at the kitchen window. 

“Go get him, sweetie...” Mama muttered from hers and Papa’s shared room once the knocking went past a minute.

Shaking sleep dust out of the corners of my eyes, I drew my short hair into a messy ponytail to run out to the source, nearly balking once a familiar pair of orange goggles caught my eye.

Blue jacket tipped with orange hems and hitai-ite, check. 

“Hi, Tomo-chan!” Obito chirped through the glass, knocking on it again. “Can you let me in?”

I didn’t have the heart to refuse him. “Good morning to you too, Obi,” I said in fond exasperation, shaking my head. “Use the door next time if you want to join us for breakfast.”

Obito just beamed at me. 

[ravenbloodau]

The Voyages of Ker'Tak and Skye Episode 4: Peace Gone Wrong

"Ker'Tak, can you pass me the that injector?" Skye asked as she worked to treat the Captain.

"Here," Ker'Tak was quickly handing her things as they tried to treat another crewmate of theirs.

The Kirins didn't see the couple sent to their planets as a sign of peace. Unfortunately, Mekt'Ta didn't take Ker'Tak's advice to send Sek'Fa.

"Ker'Tak, your normal resting pulse is 230 beats per minute?" Skye sounded worried now.

"Yes, why? What's going on? James is stable," Ker'Tak had James all taken care of for the time being.

"Heart rate's below average, trouble breathing, there's a large area of irritation, like they shot them with a phaser," Skye started hooking Mekt'Ta up to a breathing mask and worked to scan the irritated site.

Ker'Tak couldn't move past Skye, but they could look over her, and they saw the charred bruising of a phaser.

The ship shook for a moment and the alarm started blaring. The comm buzzed in a panic.

"Skye, go, take care of those injuried on the bridge," Ker'Tak took over, "I'll take care of the Captain."

"Alright, gotta hurry," Skye ran out carrying her bag of supplies. Mekt'Ta's breathing stabilized as the ship shook a second time.

"Godspeed," Ker'Tak muttered as they worked to lift some of the char off the Captain's chest.

The Captain's heartrate stabilized around 203 bpm. Not ideal, but better than under 150.

The alarms ceased and it got eerily quiet upon the ship. Mekt'Ta was stable for the time being, so Ker'Tak stepped back and waiting close to the door.

Skye opened the door, carrying Fekt'Ma around her shoulders. That, and a human child laid in her arms. Bloodied.

"Help," Ker'Tak didn't need to hear more, moving to get both the child and Fekt'Ma onto bed and begin treatment. They had to call in a couple other medics for the time being, so that they could work to stabilize the two.

"Bullet in their lung, they need immediate surgery," Hiashi started, prepping Fekt'Ma for said surgery.

Skye watched over Human James and Captain Mekt'Ta for the time being as Ker'Tak handled the child's injuries. They were crying a lot, so Ker'Tak also worked to distract them with their horns. The crying was a bit more controlled, but still consistent. The child would be ok, a couple of stitches along their forearm, and some tylenol later and they'd sleep for the day.

"Mekt'Ta isn't looking too hot, Ker'Tak. Has Viya been informed of her role?" Skye inquired not half an hour later.

Fekt'Ma had come out of surgery and was recovering well..Surprisingly well.

"I don't know," Ker'Tak admitted, "With all that has occured over today, I've been swept up in the work."

Skye nodded, "That's alright, I'll head to the bridge to see if she knows. Do you want me to grab anything while I'm out and about?"

Ker'Tak paused for a moment, staring at Skye. Their mind went blank for a moment. If they needed to, they could grab what they needed and be back in a few minutes, why would she offer to go? It would be awhile before she'd be back anyway.

"N-No, thank you Skye," Ker'Tak mumbled halfheartedly turning away.

"Alrighty, well, yell if you need anything," Skye seemed worried about Ker'Tak. In all honesty, they seemed exhausted, overrun already, even after their extended break the day before.

It would be hours before they had anything interesting happen.

Skye left, and her voice rang in Ker'Tak's ears. They were bothered by this whole thing. Mekt'Ta was pulling through, and the other three injured patients were going to be fine.

Human Skye, as a representative of her species, was much more surprising than anyone had predicted. The level of individuality between humans, given their limited genetic pool, was an unsettling precedent for other similar species.

Kirin were no exception to this unsettling development. Both species were *predatory* in nature, while most other species within the High Council of Planets were originally prey species.

Mekt'Ta stirred as Human Gia, Skye's twin sister, entered the Medbay. Ker'Tak looked over as Gia slowed down suspiciously.

"Is the Captain alright?" Gia asked, shakily rooting around in Skye's station.

"Mekt'Ta will recover, yes, what are you looking for?" Ker'Tak was on edge, the soft red glow from their growing horns ebbing into sight.

"She was asking for her notepad, no one else has been hurt that she can find, but something's eating at her," Gia mumbled half-heartedly, "Said something about Kirin physiology being off-put by Si'Nian nodes."

Ker'Tak looked over as Gia found the notepad.

"Kirin physiology, being off-put by-???" It clicked. It was possible that the nodes that made it possible for Si'Nians to telepathically communicate agitated the Kirin, generating hostility that allowed the attack.

"Ker'Tak?" Skye walked back into the Medbay as Gia turned to leave. Both were surprised to see her all bogged down already.

"Human Skye? Your theory, how do you plan to test how Si'Nian nodes affect Kirin physiology?" Ker'Tak took interest in their co-worker's theory.

"Oh! Gia told you, did she? Well, the plan is instead of sending the Captain back, I'll send *you* down. Your nodes are still growing in, *however* they may be in too early a stage to agitate the Kirin's sensitivity to those electric frequencies," Skye explained as she stole away her notepad from Gia.

"How do you feel about heading down there?"

"Why bother asking sis?" Gia cut in, half annoyed, "They attacked-"

"They were in *pain* Gia, it's a natural response to being overstimulated to be agitated, hostile, even, to anything and everything around," Skye cut her off, "Ker'tak, would you be ok with heading down? If you're still shaken by yesterday, I completely understand and I can find someone else."

Ker'Tak blinked. They had forgotten about yesterday for the most part, more focused on the here and now of it all.

"I'm..I'm willing to do anything it takes to ensure this treaty is signed and agreed upon," Ker'Tak affirmed his promise, recalling his *oath* to the High Council of Planets.

"But are you prepared for the ramifications if something goes wrong?" Skye shot back. Ker'Tak blinked, the red glow faded away.

"Only if you or Gia accompany me down, *yes.*"

Skye nodded as her sister quickly made her way out.

"Well, lucky us, you're one of the youngest here on ship and I've just applied to head down and it's been approved," Skye smiled as Ketti walked in and took over the monitoring of Mekt'Ta and the other patients.

Ker'Tak started on their way out, walking beside Skye toward the transporter, quietly. Quickly.

"No breifing? Sir nothing?" Warren asked as Ker'Tak stood on the transporter, "Are you sure?"

"Time is of the essence, is it not?" Skye countered rapidly, "We were briefed on our way down, Warren."

"Skye, you needn't be harsh," Ker'Tak chided the human, now reminded of her brash nature, "But we were briefed on this issue. Now, beam us down, Warren."

"Sure thing sir," Warren beamed Ker'Tak and Skye down.

Immediately they were met with weapons pointed at them. The Kirin hadn't calmed down yet.

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold up! We're not here to cause harm!" Skye immediately began trying to talk them down.

They lowered their weapons, unsure if they could trust this obviously predatory female and this docile nonbinary entity.

A Si'Nain that wasn't agitating them was a nice treat however..It certainly dropped their guard.

"You want to hash out the treaty? Get it signed and official don't you?" The president of the Kirin people, Wysteria S. Illiad, stepped forward.

"Yes, we would like to do just that, may we proceed?" Skye asked calmly, confidently and collected.

"Of course, ma'am, is your assistant here simply to provide information? Or are they meant to pry?" Wysteria inquired as Skye was offered a seat at the long table, with half a dozen Kirin settling down.

"He is here to provide myself with necessary information and to help us make the best informed decisions. No one means to pry or to cause harm," Skye explained as she sat down. Ker'Tak sat beside her, quietly taking up a notepad and reading through the files.

"So they are an assistant?" Wysteria asked to clarify.

"They're my coworker, we are of equal rank and we're both qualified to take over for the other should we need to leave the room," Skye clarified and Wysteria nodded.

"Alright, ma'am, sir, we had gotten as far as just needing the treaty to be proofread and signed," Wysteria explained, "Just before your Captain started to actively pry to read the situation."

"I understand that the prying must have been very painful for you," Skye sympathized, "Reading over this treaty, it seems to be fair enough and well-written."

"Thank you, ma'am. Is there a name we can call you by?" Wysteria asked and Skye nodded.

"My name is Skye, and this is Ker'Tak," Skye introduced herself without incident.

"Hello," Ker'Tak greeted the group. They were all wary of them, watching his horn like nodes for color, for activity, "I have to agree with Skye, this treaty appears to be fair and well-written, I'd see no issue with signing it now."

"Thank you, Ker'Tak, but there is one alteration we would like to add. That no Si'Nian would forcibly probe a Kirin without consent, as it causes a considerable amount of pain and discomfort to our species," Wysertia wrote it into the treaty, and the group all nodded.

"That is fair, it is invasive to do that to someone without their knowing," Skye agreed, "Ker'Tak?"

"Agreed, if I may invite you, Madam President Wysteria, to sign the treaty, I will sign after you," Ker'Tak and Wysteria were given the official copies of the treaty. One for each side.

It was signed.

The Kirin planet of GaxTal 3 was now apart of the Council of High Planets. The Treaty was put through to the Council, and there were cheers when Skye and Ker'Tak returned to the ship with Wysteria.

She was shown around, and the tension melted between her and Ker'Tak as Skye mediated the conversation.

"Ah, so you two are doctors?" Wysteria chuckled, "For people who work with the dying, you make excellent ambassadors. Especially you Human Skye."

"Thank you Madam President," Skye beamed, "I hope your people and ours will grow in tandum, and be able to learn from one another."

"The sentiment is shared, from one species of warriors to another, now, I must return to my people and you must return to your patients," Wysteria beamed as she stepped onto the transporter.

"Yes ma'am!" Skye sent her off with a cheerful farewell. Ker'Tak was already back in the Medbay, as Skye walked in.

"That was impressive work today," Ker'Tak cheered her on, "The Treaty's gone through to the Council, and they're pleased that Humankind was able to assist in such a difficult situation, lessening the stress and distress of it all."

"Thanks Ker'Tak!" Skye smiled as she got back to work, checking Mekt'Ta's pulse and other vitals.

Mekt'Ta was pulling through, and the ship had already been repaired by those in Engineering. Everything was coming back together well.

Gia entered the Medbay again, worriedly walking up to Skye, and the two started to conversate quietly with one another.

Ker'Tak busied themself with other work, ensuring the child and James were alright to go as long as they returned the next day as a check up.

"You what?" Skye's voice spiked in tone and her alertness spiked through the roof.

"SHHHHH!" Gia hushed her sister, "But yes, I think I am, and so is he. Please don't tell anyone."

"Alright Gia, only because you asked and because he's my patient. You can see him," Skye gave the all-clear for Gia to see Mekt'Ta.

The next evening, Ker'Tak and Skye ate together in the dining hall.

"Ker'Tak, I've been reading up on interspecies relationships. Are they fully forbidden?" Skye asked midway through the strangely quiet meal.

"Yes, they are, for sake of everyone, to protect from any problematic pregnancies and prevent interspecies children from being discriminated against. Bi-racial children have always had issues, despite attempts to educate and eradicate the hatred towards them," Ker'Tak explained plainly, "Why? You know this already, do you not?"

"I do, but I wanted to be sure," Skye mumbled as Ker'Tak took a drink.

"Is there someone you were seeing Human Skye, or planning on seeing?" Ker'Tak inquired, now curious and worried.

"Me? No, no of course not. I'm.. Ah, well, I'm not looking for anybody, just, wondering out loud, I guess," Skye covered her tracks well.

Ker'Tak placed his cup down. Carefully they considered telling Skye. She took a drink as it crossed their mind that the truth best be spoken now.

"Human Skye, I understand humans can get easily attached to those they work with for prolonged periods, and over time their friendships can evolve into lifetime bonds as mates. I must inform you that I have no interest in any relationship with anyone as a mate. I am, as you humans put it, asexual," Ker'Tak told her.

Skye went red in the face as she sat down her cup and immediately began telling Ker'Tak quickly that that wasn't the case.

"Ker'Tak no! That's- no! I'm not! You're a good friend sure, but that's! Aaah, I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with that question! It's- aaah...Shit... It's Gia. I'm her sister and she tells me everything. She's..Got someone in mind," Skye admitted and Ker'Tak sighed in relief as the tension between the two of them.

"Ah, thank the stars," Ker'Tak laughed it off, a golden glow coming from their horns, "It's alright. Your familial bond to her is understandable, you want to protect her, naturally."

"Yea," Skye laughed it off, "Ugh, you're a great friend, honestly, thank you Ker'Tak. I needed to admit to that."

"No problem Skye," Ker'Tak lifted their glass to hers, "To success!"

"To success!" Skye's laughter filled Star-Forward.

The bond between the two could only grow stronger from here.

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2009

20 to 21 years old. And so the 2000s end, not with a whimper, but with an explosion of upbeat, great pop songs.

Only one third of these lists left to make!

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

First to second and final year of my Master degree in Contemporary History. Also got two summer jobs that year. I was basically only researching and writing my master thesis at this point and trying to survive on a 50€ per month budget to pay for transport, clothes, driving lessons, and food apart from one meal a day. Needless to say, some corners had to be cut and my health wasn’t the best. I was also trying to register to pass some concours d’Etat to be a government worker considering there was 0% chance I’d be able to find a job otherwise with my qualifications and my mother had been trying to find an excuse to throw me out for more than four years at this point. Basically I was broke, stressed out and in panic mode.

Thank god, the music was mostly energetic and upbeat on the radio. I can’t imagine what my mood would have been like if the charts had been as horribly depressed as in 2018 or 2019.

This was also the year when my favorite music reviewer ever, Todd In The Shadows, started to make his first videos, so you might think his lists are going to influence mine, but as it turns out we have very, very different tastes for the most part (I mean come on, the guy hates Depeche Mode), so... not so much. But he helped me discover a lot of songs I would have ignored otherwise, so yeah, godspeed, Todd.

It should be mentioned that the two songs that I wanted to put at the top of this list before looking at the actual year-end lists turned out to be non-elligible and that is extremely frustrating. Obviously, as I mentioned in the previous post, there’s Life In Technicolor II by Coldplay, which has an incredibly fitting name since it’s one of their most colorful songs ever. But I’m not even sure I would have put it at #1 since this was the year of Mika’s second album, and oh my god, We Are Golden was FANTASTIC. It’s my absolute favorite song from the guy, the music video is incredibly fun, and I listened to that shit on a loop as soon as it dropped.

I usually don’t put such large links for non-elligible songs but the fact this isn’t elligible is nothing short of criminal. Check it out if you’ve never heard it.

As for albums from bands I liked... eh. Lacuna Coil dropped Shallow Life, which was not as good as KarmaCode, Pet Shop Boys dropped Yes which wasn’t nearly as good as Fundamental, Depeche Mode dropped Sounds of the Universe which was DEFINITELY not as good as Playing the Angel (I liked Wrong, though. But it’s not elligible), Eminem released Relapse which was joyless and pretty bad and he was kinda dead to me at that point (even if it wasn’t as terrible as Encore AND he had that song with Drake that was very good), Placebo released Battle for the Sun which was pretty great but still not as good as their previous two albums, Paradise Lost had Faith Divides Us Faith Unites Us and basically same thing there, and Indochine had La République des Météors which is imho their worst record in the past twenty years, by far.

Long story short, every single one of the bands and artists I loved who released an album that year let me down (except Placebo, maybe).

And then VNV Nation released Of Faith, Power And Glory, I listened to it, and suddenly I had a new favorite band, and everything was good and beautiful in the world again. Album of the year for me, hands down.

With that out of the way, a few honorable mentio-HOLY SHIT HOW MANY OF THESE ARE THERE, WTF

Replay (Iyaz) - A perfectly good and innocent little earworm.

Run This Town (Rihanna) - I don’t like the original very much (Kanye’s verse is atrocious) but I've had a mashup of it with Bach’s Tocatta & Fugue in D minor (yes you read that right) on my mp3 player for years now, so this has to count. The mashup is called Run This Town In D Minor. It’s one of my favorite mashups ever. I even made fanart of it once! Look it up if you can, the original video has apparently disappeared.

Circus (Britney Spears) - You know it’s a good year for pop when even Britney Spears makes music I like.

Magnificent (U2) - Wait, even U2 was making decent music? I had zero use for them since at that point Linkin Park had more or less taken over their ecological-musical niche of “mainstream epic-sounding pop-rock music with tortured vocals and Emotions(tm)” but that one was still kinda nice.

Même Pas Fatigué (Magic System & Khaled) - I’ve said that before and I’ll say it again but they always bring a smile to my face and I don’t get why it’s ‘cool’ to hate their songs in my country. Yeah, they often sound the same, but I’d listen to ten similar-sounding Magic System songs in a heartbeat whereas you’d have to pay me to listen to ten similar-sounding Nickelback songs.

Day n Nite (Kid Cudi) - This had a tendency to get stuck in my head, but not at all in an unpleasant way.

21 Guns (Green Day) - Much better than I remembered.

When Love Takes Over (David Guetta), Stereo Love (Edward Maya ft Vika Jigulina), Evacuate the Dancefloor (Cascada) - That year was full of catchy, stupid, energetic songs, wasn’t it?

Greenlight (John Legend) - If I had better taste, this would be on the list. Alas, you’re reading the top 10s of someone who once put Blue (Eiffel 65) in a #1 spot, so yeah.

In Your Hands (Charlie Winston) - Same thing, basically.

Like a Hobo (Charlie Winston) - “Like a hobo from a broken home, nothing’s gonna stop me”, said this very useful song. Now is a good time to remind you that my nickname at the public university was The Hobo. So yeah. I liked this song a lot and I still do.

Forever (Drake) - Drake and Eminem are both amazing on this track. Unfortunately there’s also Kanye West and Lil Wayne on it. But. Like. “I'm Hannibal Lecter so just in case you're thinking of saving face / You ain't gonna have no face to save”. Dude. Duuuuuude.

You Found Me & Never Say Never (The Fray) - Did I mention I really, really liked this band. I think I did. Several times.

Paparazzi & Love Game (Lady Gaga) - Would both have had a chance to land on the list without the incredible amount of great, catchy tunes that year had to offer.

C’est Dans l’Air (Mylène Farmer) - Mylène Farmer had THREE singles on the French year-end list and this is the ONLY one I like. Good electro, mediocre verses but a great chorus (and a weird and kind of hilarious music video). Basically a song saying we’re all going to die and she can only sing about it. It’s strange, it’s a bit dark in a fun way, but it’s sadly not enough to land on the list, and it was the last cut from it.

Phew. Making this list was like a Hunger Games of catchy, upbeat, stupid songs to find which one was the best. It’s not #1 but I’m still shocked I had to put it so high.

But first, the runner ups.

10 - Fire Burning (Sean Kingston)

US: #33 / FR: Not on the list

Yes, ALL these honorable mentions were kicked out to give the last spot on the list to this guy and a chorus that goes “somebody call 911, shawty fire burning on the dance floor, WOAH!”.

The fact that I don’t feel bad about it means this was the right pick for that spot.

9 - Rain (Mika)

US: Not on the list / FR: #22

Anybody else thinks Mika looks like the Fourth Doctor on this screenshot from the music video or is it just me?

Anyway. So yeah, as I said, We Are Golden would have topped this list if it had been elligible. Sadly, it isn’t, but Rain is. I don’t like it nearly as much as We Are Golden, but what can I say. It’s still Mika. I’ll take whatever I can.

8 - I Gotta Feeling (Black Eyed Peas)

US: #4 / FR: #17

I lost about 80% of the respect I had for this song the day I realised its untouchable, marvellous beat was very probably stolen from Take a Dive. I still love it though. Had a few actual parties in 2010 and early 2011 and this was garanteed to make everyone dance, even people like me who don’t know how to dance.

And then the dancefloor died instantly anytime anyone tried to put Boom Boom Pow on because it’s impossible to dance on that one. But that’s another story.

7 - Poker Face (Lady Gaga)

US: #2 / FR: #5

Needless to say this was absolutely everywhere and overplayed to death and beyond, and the fact I still wanted to listen to it and put it on my playlists really tells you how good I thought it was (and still is).

6 - Ça m’énerve (Helmut Fritz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1 (...yes.)

This is a novelty song with a singer pretending to have a thick German accent, complaining about various things in France, like the fact he doesn’t fit the dress code for a club, that he wanted to buy a sweater with “Rock” written on it but it’s out of stock, that some girls can fit in a size 34 blue jean and not him, that there’s a queue of people trying to buy macarons at the Ladurée shop, and so on. And every time he concludes “that gets on my nerves”, said in a very flat tone. Here’s a translation.

It was overplayed as f█ck here. Think Despacito levels of overplay. But the beat is great and it’s still hysterical after having heard it about a hundred times that year.

Fun fact, while I was making this list and relistening to this song, my s.o said “haha that sounds great! What is it?” and I stared at him in disbelief. Somehow, he was completely serious. That’s like someone escaping the Great Macarena Onslaught Of 1996. What happened. How.

5 - Waking Up In Vegas (Katy Perry)

US: #36 / FR: Not on the list

Again, I must remind you that my s.o is a Katy Perry fan and that I’ve heard this song even more than the average radio listener did at the time, and it’s STILL #5 on this list. What can I say. It’s a ton of fun and one of my favorite songs from her.

4 - New Divide (Linkin Park)

US: #61 / FR: Not on the list

Is this their best song? Not by a f█cking mile. I thought it would be much lower when I started to make this specific list, but what can I say. Linkin Park is like that one old friend that you kept no contact with for years, and once you meet them again, it’s like they never left. Who cares if that wasn’t nearly as good as Numb or In the End? Not me, that’s for sure.

Also, “In every loss in every lie / In every truth that you deny / And each regret and each goodbye / Was a mistake too great to hide / And your voice was all I heard / That I get what I deserve”. Holy shit, dude.

3 - Good Girls Go Bad (Cobra Starship)

US: #43 / FR: Not on the list

BEHOLD. THE ONLY SURVIVOR OF THE 2009 ‘CATCHY UPBEAT STUPID SONGS’ HUNGER GAMES. THE CATCHIEST, UPBEAT-IEST, STUPIDEST OF THEM ALL. HERE IT IS AT LAST.

The thing I love about this is that it’s a song made by nerds for nerds and that the singer looks and sounds completely non-threatening. As Todd said in his own list back in the day, “that guy couldn’t make good MILK go bad” and that’s what’s so endearing about the song, I think.

Also yes, this is, in fact, placed above Linkin Park.

2 - Use Somebody (Kings of Leon)

US: #14 / FR: Not on the list

This was my #1 at first. I LOVED it. I even bought the album, even though, as you know, my funds were very low that year. That music is soaring. It’s majestic. Well, the lyrics aren’t that majestic and soaring, it’s about loving someone and trying to catch their attention, but the rest? Damn this is intense. It was also elligible for the 2010 list, by the way, where I ALSO wondered if it should be #1, but in both cases, it wasn’t meant to be.

And so this list of 2009 hit songs comes to a close.

It began with the forging of the Great 2009 Upbeat Songs. Three were given to the Punk Rock hits. Seven to the Dance Tracks. And nine, nine songs were gifted to the Radio Friendly Pop Songs, which above all else desired power.

But they were all deceived, for another song was made. Deep in the forgotten land of Synth Pop, in his Parents’ Basement, the Dark Lord Adam Young forged a master song, and into this song he poured his joy, his talent and his will to dominate all charts.

One song to rule them all.

1 - Fireflies (Owl City)

US: #60 / FR: Not on the list (76 the next year)

I know. It’s a meme nowadays. But still. Have you any idea how satisfying a song with an initial beat that looks like small pulsing yellow and blue lights in the dark ACTUALLY titled “Fireflies” is? How gentle it all sounds and looks, even when the music soars? The number of drawings and paintings I made just based on the colors of THAT song? It’s like a synth pop version of one of my favorite Mike Oldfield tunes ever, Weightless.

And then, on top of all the rest, how relatable was that guy’s body language and general attitude?? Before even knowing he was on the spectrum I was like “oh BIG mood.”

Also following his twitter was one of the best decisions I ever made.

So yeah. I would have loved to put Coldplay or Mika in that #1 spot, but I’m not too mad about it thanks to this wonderful little song and its author. Such a shame Deer in the Headlights and Alligator Sky aren’t elligible for the 2011 list.

Next up: Johannes finally moves out and finds a great job and starts living a little, plus here’s a #1 that will be difficult to justify

[vylette-takeda]

If you could offer someone new to roleplay one piece of advice; what would it be and why?

This is a great one and admittedly so hard to narrow down to one thing. My advice may seem basic, but I think new role-players, especially anxiety monsters like me can really take it to heart. Also as I typed this reply got *much* longer than anticipated so..if I drone on, I hope you all will forgive me! I am really hoping some new roleplayer somewhere (or a more experienced one who is having trouble) will see this and find value. If not well…chalk it up to Vy babbling. But I tried to make it entertaining, covered a few important topics (I think!) and the main focus in case you just want an easy answer is found in the following sentence:

Always remember, people want to RP with you.

Time and again, I have heard people lament (and I have at times been guilty of saying these same things!) “I am not good enough.”, “My writing is not good enough.”, “I do not know the lore well enough.”, “People do not seem interested in me/my character/my ideas.”Well? Forget all that! Let me let you in on a little secret new roleplayer: Most other RPers are just like you. They are into nerdy things or else they would not be here, they enjoy mutual storytelling and interactions in RP, they are probably just as shy as you (That is an important one. Think of all the rpers you know..how many start off by claiming they are shy? *raises hand* Guilty!), they also have insecurities, but most of all they are standing there with their IC tag on because they *want to RP with you.* So what does that mean? Go on ahead and make that approach! I know what you are thinking, “But Vy, I am a shy bean and no one knows me and I stand in the Quicksand and I don’t know what to do or how to approach and ahhhhhhh!” Well friend, I was there too. Let me tell you a secret, lots of days I *still* am. What i recommend heartily is an icebreaker. Just like meeting someone in real life. Now you can do this IC by just walking up and emoting but lots of folks are afk a lot or alt tabbed on tumblr (guilty party here) so I am going to recommend starting with a tell. So what is a good icebreaker? Well, think about what attracts you to a character and makes you want to RP with them in the first place! Here are some examples:

A) You think they did a great job with their character design or glam. It really seems to fit the theme they are going for. Their search info says “Shroud Witch” and wow did they nail that look!“Hey I really love the aesthetic of your character! You really nailed that look. Do you have an online profile for your character? I would like to know more.”See what I did there? A true and tasteful compliment with a follow-up to hopefully learn more. If they have a profile odds are it is already in their search info (more on that later!) but it may not be. Either way this opens the door for the player to tell you about their character, and who among us does not like doing that? It lets you open the door to seeing if it could be a good fit, what kinds of RP they are into (feel free to ask during the convo, most people are happy to tell you) and just get the dialogue started. From there you can probably work on an introduction.

B) You saw their amazing carrd/refsheet/tumblr/third party web page in their search info, looked it up, found their character and say “Yes! My character would love to meet a paid contract assassin with no morals” Or..um..something like that. Tastes vary and I don’t judge. Send them a tell!“I just read your carrd (or whatever) and it looks amazing. I really like your character and writing. Would you be up for some RP?” Again, a genuine compliment and trying to make the connection. They might ask you about your character. Tell them!

C) They are pretty pixels. *Sigh* let’s face it, it is going to happen. I would recommend, truly, if the only draw you have to someone’s character and a desire to RP with them is based on how pretty they are on screen..you choose someone else. Now I am not saying “No search info, no RP!” If someone is alone and you’re like “Hey lemme see what this Seeker is all about…” go for it. But if it is solely looks based and you contact the person because of them “looking hot” it reeks of ERP. I have gotten many many many of these tells. Way too many to count. 98% of the time that is where they head and my shields go up immediately

Now I am not insinuating you are looking for ERP and frankly the person you contact may not think so either. Additionally, realize rather bluntly, I don’t care. You should seek your enjoyment as you wish and there are lots of others in the sandbox who want the same thing. I am saying however based on experience I and others I have talked to have had…well you understand. Now if that *IS* what you are looking for, godspeed and good luck. I am not judging you. I will not however cover that here as a) I do not think it fits with the overall tone I am going for here and b) I don’t do random walk up ERP so I am in no way qualified to discuss it.

A few points to ponder!

1) Be honest and genuine! It comes across. Do this with your compliments, your language and your discussion.

2) Do NOT be afraid to tell them you are new! Most of us are very happy to help new people learn the ropes and we tend to be pretty tolerant of mistakes. We make them too! Also if you are shy they may be willing to do the walk up for you and make the approach to kick things off. (Score!)

3) DO NOT BE CREEPY. If your tell starts with “sexy kitten owo :))” odds are pretty good I am not going to be super receptive or get a good vibe from you to want to RP. (See “shields up” above)

4) Be respectful. This one goes without saying, or rather it should.

5) Remember RP is a dialogue. Go back and forth!

6) Do not be afraid to discuss things in tell in an ooc manner. If you are uncomfortable with something or are not sure how to proceed, let them know or ask.

7) (I wish I did not have to say this one but…) If someone goes outside your boundaries remember YOU are in control of YOUR character and YOURSELF. No one can force you to RP, force you to ERP or make you commit to a scene you are uncomfortable with. You are free to walk away at any time no matter who the person is if they go beyond your boundaries.This one is so very important. Most RPers are just a friendly lot looking for good times and friends. Some…are not. Do not let ANYONE take advantage of you. It is of course best to talk and not escalate immediately but at the end of the day your comfort and safety are far more important than the integrity of the RP!

8) Sometimes it is not all rainbows and sunshine. You will encounter crappy people sometimes. You will encounter people who for some reason or another are very elitist or don’t like your character or you. IT HAPPENS. No one owes anyone else RP or attention (likewise you don’t owe anyone either!). Let’s say that again. No one owes anyone else RP or attention (likewise you don’t owe anyone either!). Try not to let these incidents discourage you! For every one of them there are a dozen people standing around awkwardly waiting for someone else to make the first move! if you can be that person, you have already won the game.

9) Always say thank you for the RP! I mean forgetting is fine sometimes, we all forget, but if you had a great time? Let them know!I am certain there are 100 more helpful tips butttttt I think I babbled enough for now! I truly hope some of this was helpful. Thank you for indulging me, and happy RPing!

[ryanbarwick]

This Is Thunderblog

And on the second day of the fourth fifth week of the national pandemic, Ryan made a blog...

My friends,

I share this message humbly. We’re roughly five weeks into a pandemic that’s brought the funeral home below my apartment the best business it’s seen in years. 

As of now, everyone I know and love is safe, but that’s not the case for everyone. Despite the hum of social media and the unbroken sirens of emergency vehicles, it wasn’t until last week when I realized we’d run out of coffee grounds that my anxiety came to a full, rolling boil.

I don’t know yet how all of this’ll change us, but I’m sure tiny flecks of trauma will show itself when, in a decade, our children ask why we’ve got a gallon drum of hand sanitizer in the garage or shelves of dry pasta in the basement.

That is to say we’re (obviously) all in this together and the sea will (hopefully) get calmer the closer we get to the shore.

Outside of daily job as a #brands reporter, I, like everyone else, have filled most of my lockdown hours wading through youtube, cookbooks, pornography, twitter, pornography, and deciding whether I’m going to write that great American novel. 

While not that far from my typical weekday groove, the weekends and their same-ness have become a bit more of a chore. 

So, as a wannabe writer with a propensity towards hovering above Google docs, it was starting to get to me that I’d be leaving the craters of our own apocalypse with only a few Civil War textbooks under my belt.

And yes, I subscribe to the theory that the need to feel productive (during a plague, no less) is one of the more milder cancers chewing through our country. I don’t believe I have to create something so much as I think it’d be a fun thing to share with you.

 So, this is Thunderblog. I’m going to watch every James Bond movie, for the first time, and write an essay for each. The plan, as of now, is to watch everything in chronological order. Some of these essays will be reviewed, but hopefully some more stuff will pop-up along the way.

Why Bond? Well, why the hell not? 

As much as I’d like to be, I don’t consider myself a movie guy. I’ve seen most of the classics but there are glaring blindspots. 

Big Trouble in Litle China? Nope. Heat? Slept through it. Casablanca? Please.  Granted, instead of just landing on a specific franchise, I could have just ran down the Criterion collection, but what's the fun in that? Those are all (supposedly) bangers and writing 100 fawning essays isn’t fun for anyone. 

So, Bond it is. 

Outside of a viewing of Casino Royale when I was 12, I know nothing about the series. They’re supposed to be good! Worldwide, they’ve made billions. They also span more than 58 years of cultural history, six actors, and everything between Wings and (old) Madonna. 

The 25th film was set to premiere this month before the release date was scrapped because of the shit you read about in the first couple of paragraphs.

He’s also the proto-male archetype, shooting and fucking his way across the globe, foiling communists and *checks notes* reinforcing the shadowy aspects of neoliberal foreign policy and government sponsored killing that has, um, soured over the last decade.

On paper, while I’m sure he’s a pleasure to drink with, James ain’t a great guy. I expect to chart this agro-male evolution, how the character has changed and evolved through the years.

So, some things. 

Excluding the first three that I binged about a week ago, kicking off this whole thing, I’ll be viewing each with fresh eyes. No phone, with only the google doc open on my laptop. I’ll be properly bored, the way a film is supposed to be viewed.

For now, I’m going to focus on the 24 Bond movies, an essay for each. Will I veer outside of Bond, occasionally? Sure, I’ve never seen the Blues Brothers or Purple Rain. Seems like I should though, right? In those instances, I’ll be writing two essays that week.

I’d also like to clarify, this is not a newsletter. It’s a blog. I don’t want to promote this too much not that anyone would go out of their way to read. Hopefully, I won’t lose my job. You’ll be able to find this on my social stuff where I’ll be posting. And maybe occasionally emailing. 

Godspeed, Ryan

First up, Dr. No. Essay to Come Sunday.

[kariachi]

And we’re going to try for another two episodes today, which’ll be the last season 4 ones I have access to in a language I know for a while. So after today we’ll probably be getting breaks of at least a week between liveblogs. But that’s something to worry about then, this is now, and we’re going for What Rhymes With Omnitrix.

There’s poetry in this episode, I love poetry. Ya know before I settled deep into fic I used to mostly do poetry? Anymore I only rarely do, but back in like the sixth, seventh grade? Poetry all over the place. Then I realized I could induce emotion better through narrative prose and dialogue and a true ficcer was born.

Anyway, is another Kevin episode of course, and Charm but who gives two shits about Charm, so let’s get into it! My son and poetry!

~~

They’re just dropping us right in with Charm, who has poetry very blatantly about Gwen and how she hates her. In public. Can’t fault the kid for confidence or dedication.

This girl and Kevin both need therapy, preferably in different cities because last time she and Kev were in the same space he looked this close to killing her and while that would be entertaining to watch, kinda hard to go to therapy when a pissed off tween is carving your bones into parts for his latest piece of tech. Because if anybody would tap into the necromantic arts purely as a fuck you to someone he’d already killed, it’s reboot!Kevin.

‘Ode to Hating Gwen So Much #16′ Charm, kiddo, you need therapy and a hobby. Have you considered felting? Maybe videogames? A couple hours of Terraria would do you good.

Polite people at the (presumably) Amateur Poetry Night.

Oh look, a Kevin. Of course any book you carry around is gonna be black, you aesthetic mess.

Also can I pause a moment here in appreciation for every bathroom we’ve seen so far I think appearing to be unisex? Very nice.

“Conning” and here is where I heave a sigh and my bloodpressure goes up a bit, because what she did to Kevin was not conning in any way, that was clearly and blatantly magical enslavement complete with chains, torture, and mindcontrol. You can’t just downplay that shit like this and expect me to go along with it, not when the sequel series already tended to pull that, especially with regards to Charmcaster doing that sorta shit. You do not get to blatantly show Kevin being forced to do things against his will, being tortured for fighting back, and then try to pass it off as him having been tricked into working with her. What the fuck is with this franchise with having Charm do horribly evil shit and then just waving it off?

At least Kevin still clearly hates her.

Charm trying to play like she’s actually gotten more powerful since they last saw each other and is not, ya know, powerless in front of somebody she literally tortured and who is bigger than her even without his shapechanging watch. At least she’s reacting appropriating even if Kevin isn’t. Laying it on kinda thick though for someone who just ruined her makeup with tears not three minutes ago.

Are these children both trying to outbluff each other? Oh that works. I can totally work with a Kevin who’s kinda scared of Charm after what she did, alongside a Charm that’s definitely scared of Kevin now that she’s powerless and has hurt him so bad. That is something I can enjoy. Not that Kevin does it particularly well, but he’s young yet and anyway he doesn’t need to bluff well to avoid trouble here, he just needs to fall for Charm’s bluff.

And lo, the classic ‘we bumped into each other and dropped our books, then each grabbed the wrong book when we walked away’ trope. Always a good one. I hope they realize they have the wrong books fast though, given they look nothing alike.

Definitely a unisex bathroom, nice.

Charm’s uncle gave her a magic amulet. I’ve seen people theorize this is referring to Hex, but I don’t think that makes sense given what we know of either of them so far so I’m not giving the reboot back those points.

Of course Slam Poetry Night attracts a Rath. Of course. I wondered how they were going to get Ben into this.

Max really needs to stop using slang from any decade. It’s just painful.

Gwen sees Kevin take the stage and just, “oh no”.

So, this is definitely where Kev realizes he has Charm’s book, he’d have to, it’s full of somebody else’s poetry.

Also can I just say 1) I am proud of my baby for going into poetry, it is very good for working through your emotions (am proud of Charm for that too, but, ya know, my son vs Charm) and 2) I am not surprised to see him being into poetry given the sheer number of books we see him owning in other series. Like, at least 65, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you remember he’s probably only been acquiring them over the past few years, if not just over the course of the sequels, and that he’d have to be putting aside time specifically to read them given how much shit he’s shown doing regularly. Basically- my boy is literary and it’s wonderful.

And he has realized this ain’t his book.

Ben no heckling! There are rules and manners to the world you know! Gwen smack him.

And upon being heckled Kevin just tosses the book and decides to freestyle it ‘I came out here to have a good time but bitch if you wanna go I’ll go’ style.

He’s not bad. Especially when you consider he’s, so small. As nix would put it ‘this is a fetus’.

Ben, not happy with getting called out.

Ooo, complete with dropping the mike and walking away, point to Kevin! That is Kevin 1:Ben 0 so far this episode.

Ben just the living embodiment of that Pikachu meme after that.

Climbing on stage to try to win a point for himself in this battle of the wordsmithing. Godspeed, Tennyson.

Rath is being Rath and Kevin is just, not impressed. He knows he’s won, he knows Ben is rising to the bait and can’t do shit.

Kevin glancing out into the crowd like ‘am I the only one seeing him being this... wtf? tell me I’m not, we’re all seeing this right?’

Kevin trying to point out to Rath that he is not rapping, not even close, wtf Tennyson. The best part being, I’m fairly sure he’s offended on behalf of all rap at Rath’s complete failure to even be in the same ballpark.

And Ben times out, thank fuck, maybe we can make some progress here before Kevin kicks his ass just to defend the honor of a whole artistic medium.

Also I’m already counting the above as point 2 to Kev.

He hasn’t even started and I’m in pain.

Not eight words in and already Kevin is even less impressed and I’m in even more pain. Just gonna channel Ben trying to rap when I head into urgent care, that should be enough pain to chill me out.

Not even a verse in and Gwen and Max are this close to skipping town and just, abandoning Ben here. “Tennyson? No, no, we’re the Smith family, never seen that kid before, think he might be delusional.”

Point Kevin. He didn’t even have to do anything for this one, just not be Ben.

So that’s Kevin 3:Ben 0, so far this episode.

“Even your grandpa wants you off the stage.” Which is true, but gets Kevin dive-tackled offstage anyway.

Hello Charm, back again I see.

And now it is your turn to realize you have the wrong book?

Oh gods Kevin put effort into making his alien names cooler than Ben’s. And the early ideas were shit. But it worked in the end, so hey. At least we can assume his band-related naming scheme is deliberate in-character. Good on him, too, for writing everything down, it’s good for reference and can help get thoughts straight. (part of why it’s good for dealing with emotional shit)

Don’t you side-eye the camera, child, you mean to tell me you just jumped straight to Charmcaster without any stupid name ideas along the way?

“You started it!”“No you started it!” Okay boys, take you shoving match elsewhere and also Ben, Kev’s right, you are the one who started it with your heckling.

Charmcaster is just, not for Gwen existing in the same area as her. Gwen, meanwhile, is just surprised to see her.

Charm I don’t know what you’re looking for in there, it’s a tween engineer’s private journal, it’s not gonna have anything you can use against Gwen. Against Kevin, probably, against Gwen, not likely.

Charmcaster you cannot get up anyone’s ass about emo poetry when you recited ‘Ode To Hating Gwen So Much #16′ on stage. Pot, kettle, black.

It’s a poetry powered amulet. Either that or Kevin’s poetry counts as spellwork. I wonder if there’s something specific you have to do to make a poem count as a spell or if it’s just whatever works as long as it’s a magic user reading it aloud? Because Charm clearly ain’t meaning to cast this as a spell, at least at first, and yet. That seems kind of worrying though, if that’s the case. I mean what happens if a warlock tries to read his kid some Shel Silverstein at bedtime?

What happens if a sorcerer recites It’s Raining Pigs And Noodles?

I don’t know whether I’m more concerned to continue listening or for how Kevin’ll react if he notices Charm is reading his poetry aloud. I mean this is sounding like a personal one (and speaking as a former 11yo poet with Issues, I know what that sounds like) and gods if somebody I didn’t like was reading one of mine aloud I don’t know if I’d have broken down or killed them where they stood.

Gods I’m gonna have to rewatch this episode when it ends up on CN’s site so I can get a proper transcript of this, their captioning works right.

Welp. I knew emo poetry was powerful but this takes the cake.

Charm that is not your shit! Go find your book again! Or are you worried your shit isn’t as strong as his? I mean I’m getting more and more convinced this isn’t something he’d have been reading aloud.

Oh gods it does only go for real poetry! She tries to throw in some stuff built for spellcrafting and the amulet nopes right out! ‘Sorry, kiddo, there’s gotta be emotion involved or it’s just not happening’.

Hopefully that answers the Pigs And Noodles question

I’m kinda hoping Charm’s mini reign of terror is ended by a beet red Kevin divetackling her from offscreen and wrenching his journal from her. Bonus points if he gets her upside the head with it.

Gotta love when youtube decides to while you’re trying to pause on a scene.

Meanwhile, the boys have worn themselves out with their fighting and arguing.

Kevin, panicking because Charmcaster has his notebook and is also reading it aloud. As is the only proper response to such things.

Ben- out to stop Charmcaster because she a dangerous badguy Kevin- out to stop Charmcaster because she is reading his poetry aloud AAAAA

Charmcaster pls, stop being an ass for seven seconds

Child you cannot just recruit emo boys to write you sad poetry! Especially not after you just read their poetry aloud without their okay, it’s just not right! Besides, that’s not the look of someone who wants anything other than for you to close the book and forget you ever saw anything that was in there.

Charm: Work with me Kevin: Fuck you and the horse you rode in on

“You two are weak” Chamrcaster you only have power right now because you’re taking it from his poetry. I’m pretty sure that puts him above you on the scale by default.

Kevin, joining Team Tennyson purely to get back his notebook. Again, perfectly valid.

TL;DR: Kevin accidentally wrote a spellbook

I’m still wondering what it is that makes his poems work but not Charm’s actual spells? Is it the emotion behind them? In UAF magic was made of life force, in theory putting enough emotion into your writing could maybe imbue the words with magic? Is the solution to this puzzle that Kevin was feeling so strongly when he wrote this shit that they became magic on their own? Or does the amulet just search for true emotion in words and make it so? How is this all working?

If these boys could stop fighting each other for like 13 seconds we might actually get something done.

Charmcaster sealed Gwen’s voice with poetry. Welp.

Welp, the old ‘everything’s an enemy’ illusion trope. Not an illusion this time, but same deal.

Kevin: *easily sees through the spell because Charmcaster!Humongasaur keeps growing his damn tail* “You’d have to be a complete nincompoop not to see through this, right Tennyson?” Ben: *falls right for the spell*

Damnit Ben, Kevin thought you were better than that.

“I can’t not hit the dweeb now.” These children.

Charmcaster leave the innocent bystanders alone!

It takes Ben hearing himself get called Dweebyson to realize he’s fighting Kevin. Kevin knew the deal from the word go. Have I mentioned which one is my son?

Kevin makes Ben embarrass himself to prove he’s him, even though he already knows. Turns to him for a plan.

Kevin as Darkmatter: Finds Ben not timed in, fiddles with Omnitrix to bring it back up to charge, throws him at Charmcaster

“Stop her before she finishes that poem!” Well I’m concerned now

“I’ll show them all what I can do, I’m much more than a leech, their bodies paralyzed by words, their hearts grow heavy from my speech” Yes yes this was a very powerful verse magically I’ll unpause for the results in a second, do you see that second line? That second line there. Do I have to kill somebody? I have to kill somebody don’t I...

Huh, that verse increased gravity on the target(s).

Charm trying to recruit Kevin again, and he’s still turning her down because fuck her and everyone who looks like her. He looks so small in this frame. Very soft faced, he’s got two years younger from the stress of all this.

Oh and she’s pulling out WIPs to blackmail him into complying. I’m going to guess it’s less emo and more Gwen-focused, because I’ve seen media before in my life and know how that shit works. Would prefer more Kevin inner working stuff, but whatcha gonna do. If it is a love poem it’d knock down the rating though.

Also, when you’re so pissed the animators have to give you sharp teeth to emphasize it.

Okay, Kevin’s doodles are cute.

Also why do you have a note in your notebook denoting the secret shit Kevin? Do you have siblings or something? Who is going through your stuff, or that you’re worried might go through your stuff? Or are you just paranoid? It could be the last one.

Okay, so I’m paused on the poem in question and aww, Kevin’s ‘h’s go directly into his vowels. Yes I am commenting on his handwriting let me live. It’s an emotional poem and I’m working out things to say...

Kevin trying to claw his way forward to shut Charm up, it’s not working but he’s trying

Welp

Kevin, wearing a hoodie this episode purely so that during this scene he could drag it over his head to hide his embarrassment at having a poem about caring about Gwen read aloud.

I’m still deducting a point from the episode.

The good news is, the poem restored Gwen’s speech, which, I don’t know what Charm expected to happen there. Of course the semi-positive poem would have a positive effect, come on girl, do you know nothing of magic?

Okay, so, they’re gonna defuse Charm by using her own magic to silence her, via Kevin playing along and writing her a poem that’ll do just that. His improve abilities shall save the day, and what’s left of his pride.

Charm fuck off

Charm, digging your own grave, pls

And Kevin drops the hood when he sees Charm falling hook line and sinker, so proud of himself

Oh that was brilliant darling! “My spells undone, I’m speechless at my own defeat”, two lines and he not only stopped her but undid all the damage she caused! My son! My brilliant, poetic son!

Kevin, so smug

Gwen calling Charm’s ass out on treating people like toys when she of all people should know what that feel like

And not Charm’s amulet responds to her rhymes. Guess it does have to be tied to a proper emotion, rather than just being willy-nilly

Kevin is just happy to get his notebook back.

And Gwen compliments his work which, of course, leads to complete avoidance tactics. I don’t know what you expected Gwen, that last poem was all about him not knowing how to talk to you or even really having a solid hold on how he feels.

And we end with Kevin walking away as Ben disappoints everyone with more horrible rapping.

10/11, the Kevin stuff made up for the Charmcaster bullshit, but we still lose a point for Gwevin as is the rule. I continue to eye Kevin’s backstory with suspicion and suspense.

[jaywrites101]

Excerpt: A Treasure Made of Death

A Light In The Darkness (full novel here)

He trudged along the dirt road in determination. The cold night bit at his nose under the hood of his cape. His eyes were focused on the dim circle of light in front of him. The darkness pressed in around him. It was heavy. The lantern held out in front of him against the wind was his only lifeline. If it went out he could easily wander off the path and be lost in the night.

A dragon's roar echoed on the wind. The damned nuisances ran rampant up here in the mountains, he knew. But not even the threat of a dragon attack could keep him from his task tonight.

He couldn’t feel his legs. In some ways, it was a blessing. His whole body was sore from riding earlier in the day. Just a little bit further and he could finally put his poor body to rest. At last! A light appeared in the darkness in front of him. It’s dim yellow glow brought tears to his eyes, tears that the wind would freeze to his face. The path at his feet widened out. What few trees dotted on either side of him dispersed altogether as he approached the promised drinking hall. The light solidified into a square pane of glass set into a rough oak wall. Little things flirted in and out of the lantern-light. Steps! A door! Oh, he was so close. One step away. One turn of the handle. His hands felt disembodied. He needed to get in fast before frostbite set in for good. His hand on the handle, the traveler paused. Music! Hearty laughter and well-natured guffaws warmed his heavy heart. He knew before entering he’d found the right place. With a renewed vigor the traveler opened the door and stepped into the hall. “What in blazes!” Exclaimed a burly man of middling ages. Seated as he was against the fire his shadow covered most of him except his long fine mustache which was at least one foot on either side. The other patrons of the hall looked up from their ale mugs expectantly. Some assessed him; seasoned veterans, no doubt. Others simply bored of him and returned to their bantering. Except for the youth in front of him and the man by the fire, no one seemed to think he was of importance. The youth in question approached the stranger. He was dressed in a simple leather tunic and rough woolen breeches. But the sword at his hip marked him as a fighter. “State your business, stranger,” he said in a voice meant to be threatening, but a slight squeak betrayed his age. “Is this the guild hall of the Ancient Magics Delvers?” The newcomer asked, pulling a flyer from his coat. “It is,” replied the youth. “What does that matter to you?” “My name is Drake Mundus. I’m a client.” The man by the fire took interest at this. “Goodness gracious man!" He exclaimed. Do you have any idea what time it is?" The youth, after a nod from the older man, guided the stranger to a roughly hewn stool by the fire. Drake accepted the seat with a gracious sigh. Warmth couldn’t seep back into his limbs fast enough. “I judge from your clothing you’re not from around here.” The mustachioed man chuckled. “From the city?” “I’m an archaeologist,” Drake answered. His own inquisitive glance didn’t tell him much about the man in front of him. Clearly, he was in charge here, the fabled guild leader Erik Musen. But from his garb, nothing could be discerned about his temperament. He was a tall man, easily seven feet and more. He wore no shirt except some kind of leather brace which showed fine workmanship. On his legs was a workman’s hardy leather pants. His arms and chest were well developed and bulged majestically from his muscles. His skin was dark and tanned. There wasn’t a hair to be found anywhere on him save his elegant mustache which was bound on either end and painstakingly maintained. “Ha! So you need a bodyguard little man.” The big man japed. Drake was no stranger to being belittled by men like him. It was standard procedure for experienced mercenaries to puff out their chests like they’re in charge. It got them better wages from more foolish clients. Drake was no fool. “Ordinarily? No,” he said sternly. “But if you know of the temple I’ve been contracted to investigate, I dare say you’d want a bit of steel behind you as well.” “We’re the Ancient Magic Delvers!” The man boasted. “We’ve been in and out of every temple in these lands. HOOAH!” He called across the hall. “HOOAH!” Everyone called back. Some of the more festive drinkers downed a mug of ale in a toast. “Haha,” the guild leader grinned as he settled back in his chair. “So tell me, what dungeon cave does your king want you to crawl through now? The Green Pyramid? The Meadow Reserve? Are you lads finally gutsy enough to take a peek inside the Haunted Hollow?” “The Temple of the Dragon Knights.” The guild master’s face paled. “That’s not funny.” “It wasn’t a joke.” “Good Lord!” he exclaimed. “No wonder you came to us. Anyone else would've refused out of principle.” Drake fetched a bundle of papers from a hidden pocket in his coat. Of them, he selected three and placed them on the bar next to his stool for the guild master to examine. “These are the official declarations. The King himself has issued one hundred thousand gold pieces to any man who can go to the center of this labyrinth and return with whatever treasure lies there. I also have the authorization to loot any rooms we come across for valuables and offer that as a bonus reward for your services.” Erik Musen looked over the papers with a hesitant eye. “Do you have any idea what you’re getting yourself into?” “Of the fifty-seven unmolested temples in this country, it is considered the most dangerous. Thirty and four times expeditions were sent into the ruins and only once did even a single person return.” Drake pulled out one last paper, a clipping from the news archives praising the adventurer who returned alive. “Erik Musen, 19. The sole survivor of the 29th investigation refused high honors from the king. He has returned with an unconfirmed artifact, now his by right of law. Wherever his future lies, Godspeed,” he read aloud. Laying the article on top of the others Drake witnessed the transformation of the guild leader into a sad old man. “Is that really you?” The youth asked, pointing at the article. His face equal amounts of shock and awe. “Aye! That’s me,” came the gruff reply. “You’re mad to have even accepted this task in the first place!” “I have my reasons.” “Are they worth your death?” “They are.” “I fail to see any reason strong enough to willingly enter that nightmare.” Erik huffed. “I’m afraid there are things I cannot afford to divulge,” Drake replied. “I’m sorry, but if you mean to test my resolve, you’ll find it is as hard as steel on this.” “To enter the Temple of the Dragon Knights you’ll need a will much harder than steel,” Erik said while the bewildered youth stood agape watching the two of them. “My will is strong enough to break reality.” “A mage, eh? That sword peeking out from under your cloak says otherwise.” “Forgive me,” Drake said with a small bow to punctuate the other man’s win. “But you’ll understand why soon enough.” “I want to go,” chimed in the youth. “Absolutely not !” Erik roared. People from around the hall were taking an interest in their proceedings. No doubt, unused to seeing their guild leader in a troubled spot, his outburst at the youth’s eagerness turned heads and brought an audible gasp out of those nearby. “Father! You were a year younger than I when you set foot in there.” “And I lost my friends! All twelve of them. It was a nightmare from the very moment we crossed the threshold. I found the Knight’s Tear. Aye. It was a treasure unlike anything anyone had ever seen. It was one rock found tossed in the floor like rubbish, and yet it’s discovery opened the doors to Machination and Automatons. "Sure, I single-handedly developed those schools of magic and craftsmanship, but look at the cost! It’s not worth risking you too boy. Or any of you!” He roared to the onlookers who were sitting at the edge of their seats. “I volunteer!” A girl called out from the back of the room, much to the chagrin of the guild master. She was dressed in dark blue flowing robes. She wore a pointed hat that was embroidered with gold runes. In one hand she carried a staff, in the other a thick bound book. Her piercing blue eyes glowed with power. “Danger and mystery is my cup of tea,” She said excitedly. Drake shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, Ma’am, but this is highly dangerous, and it’s certainly no place for a lady. Or,” he added, turning his head to the youth, “for amateurs. My intention was to hire Erik and Erik alone. There are no two people on this continent more capable than the two of us-” “Except for the two of us ,” the youth insisted. “Dela, there is no lady.” “And Junior has been adventuring since he was in diapers!” Dela added, giving the youth a playful poke. “Stop this nonsense immediately,” Erik cried. “We’re not going to chase down that deathtrap after some vague sense of treasure and glory.” “Don’t think of the treasure, father! Think of your pride!” The youth implored. “Think of your honor and the honor of your friends. You see, don’t you? This is your chance to blot out that stain! To give their deaths meaning. And to give meaning to all the people who’s died since then. This is a chance to bring closure to their legacy. Surely you wouldn’t want to be remembered as the man who refused to do the right and noble thing?” “Hell, No!” Erik spat. Drake knew the look of a man steeling himself for something hard. Erik was not happy. His bluster and confidence had run out. He was scared of that temple. But he’d been a boy himself when he went in there last. The guild watched their leader anxiously. Since it’s foundation no one had ever seen Erik backed into such a tight corner. His face was drawn, and his arms shook slightly. Even his own son looked uncertain about his father’s intentions. Erik looked at all the expectant faces in the hall and sighed. “Alright lad,” he said. “You got me on that one. It goes against me gut, but you’re right. We can’t let that ruin be the better of us. The Ancient Magic Delvers have a reputation to uphold. HOOAH!” He roared at the guild. “HOOAH!” The guild grunted back. Even Drake was caught in the moment and grunted alongside the others. It was happening. It was finally happening! All those years of research and crawling through ruins looking for clues was about to pay off. “But,” Erik said so quietly only Drake could hear. “If a single one of them gets hurt on this quest. I’ll kill you personally.”

[spotifypremiumapks]

Marines, Service Members Killed in Afghanistan: Names, Photos & Tributes

Marines, Service Members Killed in Afghanistan: Names, Photos & Tributes

Who were the Marines and service members killed in Afghanistan? Rylee McCollum was about to become a young father in only three weeks and wanted to be a Marine as long as anyone could remember, even toting around a rifle in his diapers. Jared Schmitz was remembered as a “true American hero.” Serving his country was “something he’s always wanted to do, and I’ve never seen a young man train as hard as he did to be the best soldier he can be. Max Soviak was a Navy corpsman from Ohio whose sister described him on Instagram as “…my beautiful, intelligent, beat-to-the-sound of his own drum, annoying, charming baby brother was killed yesterday helping to save lives. he was a f***ing medic. there to help people. and now he is gone and my family will never be the same….he was just a kid. David Lee Espinoza was described as a “brave young man from Laredo, Texas.” Kareem Nikoui was a young Marine from California whose dad told Daily Beast he “really loved that family. He was devoted—he was going to make a career out of this, and he wanted to go. No hesitation for him to be called to duty.” They were among the 13 U.S. Marines and service members who lost their lives in the Kabul, Afghanistan, attack on August 26, 2021. Heavy is committed to running a tribute and photo for each. You will see those tributes and pictures below, and we are adding more as they are identified. President Joe Biden said in a news conference that the dead service members were “standing guard at the airport…These American service members who gave their lives are… heroes.. engaged in the selfless mission to save the lives of others.” However, some of the parents of the service members were very upset by how their children died. ISIS has claimed responsibility for the attack. Asked by the radio host in St. Louis what message he wanted Americans to remember, Mark Schmitz, Jared’s dad, said: “Be afraid of our leadership or lack thereof. Pray every day for the soldiers who are putting their lives at risk and doing what they love, which is protecting all of us. I think they’re the only ones that we can honestly say have our backs.” The Daily Beast reported that Steve Nikoui, a Trump supporter and Kareem’s dad, expressed anger toward President Biden, saying, “They sent my son over there as a paper pusher and then had the Taliban outside providing security. I blame my own military leaders… Biden turned his back on him. That’s it.” Here is a tribute and photo of each hero, added as they are released:

Rylee McCollum, Wyoming: ‘The Definition of Courage’

Rylee McCollum, of Bondurant, Wyoming, was remembered as “the definition of courage.” Chi McCollum, his sister, wrote on Facebook, “Rylee James. My heart is completely shattered. I love you so much. You are my hero and you were going to be the best dad. I love you, I love you, I love you… Semper Fi.” On August 19, she wrote, “I’m thankful everyday you are my brother. Stay safe, we love you. Can’t wait for your return and to meet my niece or nephew. Love you Brotato 💗🇺🇸🦅⚓️🌎” He was from Bondurant, Wyoming. “We are deeply saddened by the loss of this brave Marine,” Regi Stone wrote on Facebook. “When it comes to the definition of courage, Rylee Mccollum is it. We were fortunate to have him in our home in Wyoming many times as he and Eli were getting ready to enlist together. They kept each other out of trouble, which wasn’t easy, because they were both so ready to serve their country. One evening as we were all having dinner, Kim tried giving her best motherly advice and suggested that they let someone else go in first if the time ever came. Without hesitating, they both said, “if anything ever happens to us, just know, we were doing what we loved. We’re heartbroken but proud to have known this brave hero. Please pray for his family, his wife and new baby that will be born soon. And, let’s keep all his Marine brothers in our prayer. Semper Fi.” Wyoming’s Governor Mark Gordon confirmed McCollum’s death on Facebook. “I’m devastated to learn Wyoming lost one of our own in yesterday’s terrorist attack in Kabul, Afghanistan,” he wrote. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the family and friends of U.S. Marine Rylee McCollum of Bondurant. Jennie and I, along with all of Wyoming and the entire nation, thank Rylee for his service.” The Casper Star-Tribune reported that Rylee McCollum was on his first deployment for the evacuation and was manning a checkpoint at the airport when he died. His older sister, Roice McCollum, told the newspaper that he was expecting a baby in three weeks. “He wanted to be a Marine his whole life and carried around his rifle in his diapers and cowboy boots,” McCollum’s sister said. “He was determined to be in infantry… Rylee wanted to be a history teacher and a wrestling coach when he finished serving his country. He’s a tough, kind, loving kid who made an impact on everyone he met. His joke and wit brought so much joy.” She added: “Rylee will always be a hero not just for the ultimate sacrifice he made for our country, but for the way he impacted every life around him for the better. Making us stronger, kinder, teaching us to love deeper.” Rylee’s sister Chi wrote on Facebook, “My hero, Our hero, an American f***ing hero. I love you.”

Kareem Nikoui, California: ‘He Was Going to Make a Career Out of This’

Nikoui’s father, Steve, a California carpenter, told Daily Beast, “I stayed home from work yesterday because there was that attack and I knew he was there. So all day, I was glued to the TV.” He knew it would take about eight hours to tell him if his son was among the dead, and horribly, around 7:15 p.m. PT, “these young men walked up,” he said. He told Daily Beast, those Marines were “more choked up than me,” Nikoui said. “I was actually trying to console them. But at the same time, I just wanted them to get out as soon as possible so that no one from my family came back and saw them. I thought it appropriate that I be able to tell them.” “I haven’t gone to bed all night,” Nikoui continued to the publication. “I’m still in shock. I haven’t been able to grasp everything that’s going on.” Kareem “loved what he was doing, he always wanted to be a Marine,” said Nikoui to Daily Beast. He was initially stationed at Camp Pendleton and often brought fellow Marines home for the holidays. “He really loved that family. He was devoted—he was going to make a career out of this, and he wanted to go. No hesitation for him to be called to duty,” the father said. The Daily Beast reported that the father, a Trump supporter, expressed anger toward President Biden, saying, “They sent my son over there as a paper pusher and then had the Taliban outside providing security. I blame my own military leaders… Biden turned his back on him. That’s it.” A woman wrote on Facebook, “We lost a member of our Norco family yesterday. My friends grandson was one of the Marines killed in Kabul…Kareem Nikoui you are our hero and a hero to so many you were helping. Godspeed Marine! We thank you for your ultimate sacrifice and we will not forget you.”

Jared Schmitz, Missouri: ‘True American Hero’

Jared Schmitz, 20, was identified by his father in a St. Louis radio interview as one of the 13 U.S. Marines and service members who died in the attacks in Kabul, Afghanistan, on August 26, 2021. He was remembered as a “true American hero” who had always wanted to serve his country. Speaking to St. Louis Today radio, Mark Schmitz emotionally paid tribute to his son, who was from the St. Louis, Missouri, area, saying that serving in the Armed Forces was “something he’s always wanted to do, and I’ve never seen a young man train as hard as he did to be the best soldier he can be. That’s a big part of why we are all obviously devastated and sad, but there’s so much anger right now because he wasn’t even given that opportunity to demonstrate all the skills he had protected and learned while in the Corps, and he took his job very seriously. Someone came along took the easy way out and ended everything for him and for us. And the others who were killed.” State Rep. Nick Schroer wrote on Facebook, “Today please pray for Lance Corporal Jared Schmitz who paid the ultimate sacrifice yesterday serving our nation. This young marine was from St. Charles County and is a true American hero. Keep his family in your prayers today. Thank you for your service young man! God Bless you and your family, Marine.” Heavy reached out to Jared’s father to see if the family wanted to say more, and he said they would be sending out a release soon. Schmitz told St. Louis Today’s Carol Daniels: “I was able to talk to him this morning, his son was killed in yesterday’s explosion. Marines came by at 2:30 in the morning to give the horrific news. They are supposed to come back today to follow up on more details, what happens next, details I am assuming, I don’t know a lot but unfortunately our son was one of the 13 casualties yesterday.” Schmitz said Jared had only been in Afghanistan for two weeks. “He was stationed in Jordan on his first deployment and then when things got a little hairy over in Afghanistan, he was one of the 6,000 or so troops that was called in.” The father said that he and his wife were concerned when they found out Jared would be going to Afghanistan. “We knew this was something he trained for and was looking forward to participating in,” he said. “He was not the type that liked to sit around and get his four years in and walk away.” He added, “He wanted to be in a situation where he actually made a difference in what his role was within the Marine Corps; he was excited to get that opportunity. As his parents, of course we were terrified. I don’t have words for how upset we are and I am sure he is as well, This is just absolutely devastating Mark Schmitz said that his son graduated from high school in 2019 and as a Marine in October 2020. He was a Lance Corporal. “He was probably one of the coolest unique individuals I’ve ever met. Very honored, I can call him my son,” the father said, becoming emotional during the radio interview. “His life meant so much more and so incredibly devastated that I won’t be able to see the man that he was very quickly growing into becoming.”

Max Soviak, Ohio: ‘Helping to Save Lives’

Soviak’s sister Marilyn posted on Instagram, that her “baby brother was killed yesterday helping to save lives.” She wrote: I’ve never been one for politics and i’m not going to start now. What I will say is that my beautiful, intelligent, beat-to-the-sound of his own drum, annoying, charming baby brother was killed yesterday helping to save lives. he was a f***ing medic. there to help people. and now he is gone and my family will never be the same. there is a large Maxton sized hole that will never be filled. he was just a kid. we are sending kids over there to die. kids with families that now have holes just like ours. i’m not one for praying but damn could those kids over there use some right now. my heart is in pieces and I don’t think they’ll ever fit back right again. Max Soviak was a Navy corpsman. He was a medic in the U.S. Navy, and was a native of Berlin Heights, Ohio, according to Fox 8. “Max was full of life in everything he did,” Edison Local Schools said in a statement to the television station. He was killed at the airport’s Abbey Gate. “He was well respected and liked by everyone who knew him,” the district said. U.S. Senator Rob Portman wrote, “Jane and I are heartbroken by the death of Max Soviak, a Navy Fleet Marine Force Hospital Corpsman from Berlin Heights, who lost his life in the service of his country. He was a hero who died serving with his Marine brothers helping to save fellow countrymen and our Afghan allies. We mourn his loss and are praying for his family and friends.” Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost tweeted, “Max Soviak was one of ours, a 2017 graduate of Edison High School. Each one who died had a hometown where they were known—classmates, friends, family. Familiar places they should’ve been able to return to as they grew older sights and sounds and memories. They did not die as Republicans or Democrats, but as Americans, self-sacrificially serving others in the face of danger. Let us honor them.”

David Lee Espinoza, Texas: ‘A Brave Young Man’

David Lee Espinoza was a Marine. The City of Laredo, Texas, wrote on Facebook, “The City of Laredo expresses its most heartfelt condolences to the family and friends of U.S. Marine David Lee Espinoza, a brave young man from Laredo, Texas. Thank you for your service to the United States of America and Laredo. Your acts of courage and bravery will always be remembered in our community. Read the full article

[lostboywords]

PLOT’S BEEN FILLED! ♥

Your Best Friend’s a Werewolf, wherein two friends discover the mystery of lycanthropy together. other tags: m/m, slowburn romance, sexuality discovery

Plot below.

You're best friends — you spend almost every day together: at lunch, after school, in soccer practice. Sometimes he even sneaks away from his controlling father in the dead of night to knock on your window and ask if he can sleep on the floor. You always let him take the bed.

You're both outdoorsy — hiking, camping, climbing trees (even if you are about ten years too old for it). Ever since freshman year you spent your holidays not with family (what little you both have) or friends but with each other in a tent. You're like brothers… or so you thought, because one night you're drinking beer and passing him a joint when he giddily asks you if you'd ever do anything with another boy. Between the lines it's a proposition. He's never had a girlfriend (he told you) and you hadn't had one in a year or two — but who would've thought any feelings could develop between you? It almost breaks your heart to shoot him down so definitively but you tell him you're straight. You leave out the ‘I think’.

The next winter you're excited for your first Christmas spent camping. It's freezing as you make the hike into the woods, all bundled up. Despite your loud breath in the air you keep hearing the crunch of snow behind you. It's nothing, Milo assures, and he starts to laugh whenever you turn your head to look. You tease each other about serial killers. I'll let you get away as he does his signature eighty stabs on me. — aw, how sweet of you. You banter like you breathe.

He makes the fire while you set up the tent — you lost at rock-paper-scissors. You keep hearing it: the crunch of snow, the snap of a twig, the rustle of dead and dry bushes. It's always so distant and nothing is there when you look — so it's nothing, you tell yourself. Night falls and finally you're settled on a fallen trunk, warming bare hands over the fire. Milo says he has to pee. Godspeed, you say. He laughs and finds privacy wherever it can be found out here. You watch the flames and listen as boots stop crunching, clothes rustle, and he huffs.

Then — nothing.

For a moment it's so silent the crackle of firewood is deafening. You call his name — nothing. You ask him if he's got a Green Mile problem — nothing. The tease hangs in the air. You didn't know your heart could race so suddenly but it does the moment you stand up. You follow his footprints armed with nothing but a flashlight and there's no one to be found at the end of them — only a disturbance of the pure blanket of snow, like he'd dragged his feet or fallen to his knees. You flick your light up and gasp.

He's thrust against a tree, frozen-pink hands feeling desperately at his shoulder. Something bit me, he tells you breathlessly when you rush to him. What? He doesn't know. There's blood brushed along his torn coat and more melting the snow. You panic. Hospital, now. He forces you to check how bad it is and it's definitely a bite. Stitches? Probably. You debate the meaning of ‘probably’ with him as he gets unsteadily to his feet and tries to regain the wind that had been knocked out of him. You urge him to the fire for better light.

It replaces whatever drips of blood you clean up along his skin but it's nothing life threatening — treated with the first aid kit you'd never had to use before. You tell him you need to leave, to get away from whatever bit him. He tells you it's gone — he doesn't know how he knows, but he knows. You tell him he probably needs shots of all kinds for a wound from a wild animal. He tells you he's fine. You've never seen him so intense. You blame adrenaline. No amount of protesting works and you spend hours just trying to keep your eyes open. Eventually you convince him to at least sleep — and he does. You do too, but only after making sure he's still breathing.

When you wake up, he wakes up with you. Relief. You go out into the light of the sun and snow to check his wound. You peel back the blood-stained bandage expecting an open wound — it's a scar. You're stunned into silence before muttering a dumbfounded curse. He blinks sleepy eyes at you. It felt weird all night, he tells you — like something was pulling at his skin. Your mind is racing with no particular thought and you force him to a hospital.

They almost laugh at you both — that scar is so healed, it would've already caused problems — and they won't believe it happened only last night. They run their tests anyway. His levels are strange. Which ones? All of them.

He's urged off with an otherwise clean bill of health — any headaches? fatigue? thirst? nausea? no, he swears he's never felt better — but you can't wrap your mind around it. Internet searches give you little information — answers range from a bear attack to vampires (you would laugh if you weren't so scared) to psychosis. You're pretty sure neither of you are crazy. You drag him to the library. He seems well enough but he asks a girl four tables away to turn her music down, it's so loud. You look up from a book about northeastern woodland animals to see she's wearing headphones. Maybe you both are crazy.

It continues like that: he smells blood from a little boy's skinned knee; he hears whispers in the hallway so clearly (and likes to tell you all about them); he comes to you particularly frightened whenever his father gives him a new bruise and even dares to fight back sometimes. You're at a loss — book after book, nothing seems to fit… you keep your eyes on words while you walk in the hallway, and one day some feminine voice asks if you're doing anything on the weekend. You tell it you're busy. Milo nudges you — I thought you liked her. Liked who? Katie, idiot. Oh, that was her, huh?

You're in the third library this week, ten minutes before closing, six hours into trying to find something worthwhile to check out. You see it first in a book of legends — you're so desperate by now. You scour for a more specific text. You find it.

Milo, you yelp, then stifle yourself. He's draped over an armchair chewing on a straw. What? he asks so casually, like you hadn't just found the answer you've been looking for for two weeks on barely five hours of sleep a night. You tell him not to think you're crazy because this whole thing has been crazy. You tell him you've been searching non-stop about anything it could possibly be and eventually turned to the ‘impossible’. He tells you to shut up and just get on with it.

Werewolf.

The chewing stops. He pulls the straw from his mouth. You stare at each other. You've always read him well — and right now you can tell things are clicking in his head. At any rate, you tell him, you suppose you'll find out tonight. Tonight? Why?

You huff. “Full moon.”

The future of the plot. . .

[Milo] will deal with his life changing/werewolfism with [friend] at his side the whole time. I imagine they'll be really focused on keeping him 'tame' so he doesn't get hurt or hurt anyone else... A hard task for the both of them.

Other possible ideas, their incorporation up to you and their timing whenever:

bonding / romance -- I love me some slowburn

finding the werewolf who bit him (maybe causing unfamiliar jealousy on [friend]'s behalf) as well as other werewolves and 'real' werewolf lore (to help in figuring out this ailment)

in the distant future of the plot... pursuing a cure OR maybe turning [friend], depending on how everything develops

sprinkling in some normal youth drama, like family ([Milo]'s father being abusive), classes (RIP to their grades after this), friends, parties, jobs/money, etc!

more to be added, as your character will have their own troubles and personality

[bwicblog]

>GRANITE GUTS [06/30/2017]

MP: ANYONE AROUND??? MP: ANYONE !N NEUJA SPECF!CALLY??? MP: THERE SURE !S A LOT OF SMOKE R!S!NG !N THE D!STANCE!!!! MH: What's up Jelly. MP: ! AM NOT SURE!!!! MP: ! have been at work all n!ght!!!!(edited) MP: and head!NG HOME!!! MP: a dark column of smoke r!ses in the hor!zon MP: there are many s!rens MH: Follow it. MH: Find out where it's coming from. MH: Report back, lieutenant Jelly.

[myheartislookingforyoualways]

03.08.2021

Dear G, 

I’m going to be honest with you, yesterday was a really tough day for me. I have this hope for me and for us that I am carrying around like a flashlight, to guide myself through the shadows of my life right now. You leaving us ad letting go has left an huge hole in my life and in me. It’s just so hard to even get through day by day, hour by hour and minute by minute. I was so desperate yesterday for you, I cried a few times throughout the day, probably even more, and just felt so helpless and hopeless more than a few times. 

Somehow your Spotify is still on the TV. I was trying to play music and I was somehow in your account somehow. Then I saw a playlist with the egg emoji and three songs, just three songs: Cloud Dancer, After Rain Comes the Sun and Love is the Answer. Twenty minutes that how far you got into making it before it had to stop because I drove us off the rails with my addiction and the person I had become. Then I started to think of how sweet that was that you were doing that. You never told you made a playlist. I still have the one I made of yours. I rescued it. I’m sure you would have if you were still here and didn’t have to leave. I’m sure it wouldn’t have been incomplete. You always gave yourself so completely and earnestly to us and to me without any condition;. I remember always manically going on about whatever nonsense I was and you would be right there with me keeping up wth me and being all in with me always. All in on us. Fuck. That just re-breaks my heart into smaller and smaller pieces that you had to leave all those little bits of us and me and u behind. Then my mind started to race. For some reason I always think of the tone of your voice when you had a parcel at the front desk and I asked you what it was . You said “it doesn’t matter anymore” with such absolution and resign. You had to give up on us. I stared at that playlist and started crying for us, for you and all I put you through, and for all the us that you had to leave behind. All the things I wanted to do with u, all the things you wanted to do with me. Life. I just felt really hopeless and I was crying and calling your name aloud. I just kept saying peash Giselle desperately. The neighbours probably think I’m crazy by now or something. 

I self talked myself out of it eventually and pulled myself out of the desperation and hopelessness I worked myself. And then I did it again. And again I self talked myself out of my hopelessness. And that continued for awhile. I set myself personal timers to keep myself distracted. That was going well until ‘Tell Me You Love Me’ started playing. I intentionally haven’t played any of our songs that we always bopped to together. It’s just too hard. I immediately heard your voice singing,  you dancing while you’re singing. I instinctively wanted to reach out and grab you like i always did, I can still feel you here even though you’re 5461 km away. I still reach out for you, I still anticipate your voice, I still want to beg you for your kisses. Grab your butt and pick you up and kiss you all over your lips then put my tongue in your nose to bug yo. I was in the shower. I ran out of it and turned the music. I went back into the shower and just started to say your name and cried. 

The hole you left in my life and my heart when you had to let go and leave us is so raw real and aches more and more each day. Its the only reality grounding me to this situation we are in now. My mind understands this but my heart just refuses to at all. I refuse to believe that we are not an us anymore.  I can’t believe it. A huge part of me is still in complete denial. I honestly in the deepest and purest part of my heart, never wanted this, I never wanted us to end. I wanted us to be always. I wanted it all with you. I still do. I don’t want there to be an end to us. I want us desperately to be together in the end. I want all our little things we do with each other. I want to make more jokes with you, more ways to cuddle and whine to each other, I want more future memories with you and with us. I want to still get you that air fwyer and mawwy you. I can’t even let any of it go. I can’ let us go. I’m in denial. Even now I think sometimes its just a dream and I’m going to wake up. In those moments of utter desperation I feel so hopeless and helpless. I think that you could still here and we could be looking forward to lockdown ending and having our second spring together. All the things I want to do with you. It is never-ending. Honestly , I doesn’t matter what we do, it never did you’re my best friend and my partner thats all that mattered really. I’ve been clinging desperately to this; to us.  I’ve been literally checking your Twitter and Tumblr obsessively . Its a small shred of you but I refresh my browser on my phone so much. I do it instinctively now its like a reflex. Whatever I’m doing i just do it. You frustratingly don’t post as much as I crave but when you do I talk to you even though I’m only talking to myself. It makes me feel better or at least lets me stay in denial a bit longer. That all just came crashing down when i saw your VSCO gallery post, my whole little make believe life I’ve been using as a coping mechanism just was blown up when I saw your post at that hotel bar with the caption ‘Godspeed - Frank Ocean’. I just crumbled. We both know each other like nobody else and we both know music is life to both of us. Also you know how much I love Frank Ocean. Here you were posting a picture of a hotel lobby referencing Frank Ocean breakup music, like his probably number one breakup song, but he has so many, and I can’t even bear to hear the word or even see it written down. G I’m in complete denial actually and I’m desperate - you know how I get. I cannot believe that we are not an us, that we are broken up, even right now I still have trouble writing that sentence. But you forced me to start to face the music; literally. I wish so badly that we could just experience our good songs together, the ones that have so much love and hope and meaning. Tell Me You Love Me. Treat You Better. The Outfield. Let’s Stay Together. The Mates of Soul. So many good feelings. I’m just holding on to them .But you’re right and I’m in complete denial. 

I told myself there and then I wouldn’t do this to myself anymore. Its just a tool I’m using to stay in denial just a bit longer. Checking your feeds is just helping me cope and not face it. We are broken up. I’m crying writing this. I never wanted this and I never wanted an end to us. But i did recognize this wasn’t good because I have to let go. Also this cycle of hopelessness is just going to lead back to a relapse. More than anything else I just want to be sober and healthy. There is nothing but more pain with that. There will never be enough drugs or alcohol to numb the pain of losing you of you having to let go .I just have to feel it. I was really desperate and low yesterday and I messaged a friend of ours, JJ, because i was really feeling hopeless and like nothing mattered. It helped. I did get into it again throughout the day. I couldn’t help it. You referenced Frank in our breakup as our breakup music. I had to listen to him. I listened to him over and over again thru the day and into the night. It was like a scab that you just can’t stop picking. Painful but can’t stop it. Frank knows pain. But i just can’t stop thinking that you have accepted that we are broken up and you’re ready to move on. I can accept that we are broken up right now. But i will never move on from us. I don’t want to and I never will. I want us back. I want to be with you in the end. I want us to have a happy ending. We’re both still here, on the same planet, the same dimension, and still have the same love.  I don’t want anyone else and I never will. I just want you G. You and only you. I don’t want new little things with anyone else. I want to keep all our little things we do for and with each other and make new ones too. I remember you posted to Tumblr awhile ago that you don’t want to have this hope you will never let me hurt you again.  Ok, so what if I just didn’t then? What if you gave us another chance and I took that chance and made it the biggest turnaround of my life? What if I did really actually get sober and every day relentlessly and tirelessly work on my sobriety as hard I tried to hide my addiction before? What if I had a real fucking plan and I worked every day like like my most important job - me?  What if I was just completely honest with you at all times and was open and understanding to your needs and requests to feel comfortable moving forward? What if I just showed you how much I love you each and every day? What if you came back to us and I never ever forget for the rest of our lives how much of a gift you gave us, how much of a blessing you are to me, and cherished you as hard as I could for as long as I could ? What if I  gave you my utmost humility and loyalty and love in exchange for you giving me the best gift you could ever give me; one last chance to be happy with the love of my life, the woman of my dreams now and always, my wolf queen of the mur always by my side and me at yours? What if we both just accepted what didn’t work before and be completely open, honest and giving in starting again but new again? What if we had an open and honest conversation with each other about our expectations, boundaries, fears, and things we are not going to do again?  What if we just started there? Step by step?  What if you just let me show you all that I wanted to be to you and for us? What if I just took your chance you give me an the blessing that you’ve been to me and not say sorry? What if from now from that moment I just make choices that I never regret and jever make choices that I will regret? What if you just gave me that one last chance at us?

None of this can ever happen at all if I don’t put those thoughts and focus on myself now and for the next foreseeable future. I take full responsibility for my actions that led to this and I am working on changing myself. Measurable real actual changes. Changes that will take time yes.Changes that are difficult. But I desperately want to change. At any cost. You leaving on that plane on February 24th is just starting to sink in but I awake now to myself and accountable for myself. I just want to be happy and healthy. I’m looking towards that in my future, and I still see you and us in our future. I know that only you can make that choice though and you may not want to. That I will have to accept. But me and my life and gettting the happiness I want still stands. 

It also still stands that I am going to email you after one full month of sobriety. I intend on doing that. I miss talking to you so much. I know that my VSCO moon poem was a bold move. But i just had to I’m so desperate to have any sort of direct communication with you. I have started and deleted so many emails to you. I stare at your phone number. I miss my besh fren. I miss you . I miss us. I miss me. I want it all back. I want me back. I want you back . I want us back. So i’m holding on to hope and I always will. 

I still haven’t looked at your Twitter and Tumblr and VSCO since I saw the Frank Ocean post. I need to give myself more time. I don’t want to not look but I need to not look right now. Its unhealthy and I’m going to relapse if I stay in a unhealthy mindset. I feel better not obsessing over it. I’ll allow myself to check up on you once a day in the morning when I’m most mentally and emotionally strong. I need to be aware of my relapse triggers. These ‘letters’ to you help a lot as well. Even if right now I’m just writing to myself it really helps get me through this. I still see you on the other end of this. 

I love you G

I’m never giving up on us

Peash hold just a little hope

If you do i’ll take your kernel of hope and build the dream of us again  stronger and honestly and with twice as much love through action

Peash

Please 

I love you 

Can we have the happy ending thats all I want 

I just want u G 

Forever and a 

Day 

[johannesviii]

Top 12 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2000

This was the hardest list to make so far, so yeah, it’s a top twelve because I felt disgusting cutting the last two songs. Oh well. Screw the rules.

I turned 12 that year! I had my own cd player, which was also a radio! I could make tapes and burn cds. I could even BUY cds too if I saved all my money for a couple of months! School wasn’t great, because of some bullies, but I still had some friends. I loved Pokemon and drawing in the park. Life felt good.

Music had never sounded better.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

Not gonna lie, this list changed A LOT over the course of this post and I had to rearrange it several times. And then I gave up and changed it into a top 12. Also, this list of honorable mentions could almost make it a top 20 since several of these (half of them, actually) were on the top at some point.

All the small things (Blink 182) - I’m really glad these guys are still around today, to be honest. They always make me smile when I hear their new songs on the radio.

The Riddle (Gigi d’Agostino) - Love it, but it loses some of its appeal without the music video.

Lady (Modjo) - I claim overplay for this cut.

L’Alizé (Alizée) - More on that later.

Move your body (Eiffel 65) - Would have made the list in a more mediocre year, I swear.

Optimistique-moi (Mylène Farmer) - I literally said “self-care” before making this cut. Also the music video is great, it’s an artist trying to escape from some sort of nightmare circus, and a magician helps her. Very underrated music video.

Music (Madonna) - The most painful cut of all. I absolutely loved this song and how weird and disjointed and broken it sounded, and had it on several tapes. And yet there’s no room for it even with a top 12.

And now, the actual list. Warning: it starts with a curveball.

12 - J’pète les plombs (Disiz La Peste)

US: Not on the list / FR: #29

A French rap song about a guy losing his job and being stuck in traffic and subsequently going postal.

Here’s the kicker, though. This guy was rapping for my city, and this music video was filmed mostly in the estate I was living in at the time! That McDonalds at the beginning? It was across the street! That bus stop was in front of high school! Heck, I painted the rocks in that park at the end several times already!

And it became a huge hit!! You have no idea how excited we were in middle school. Everyone knew the lyrics (translation here)! Even if some parts were very rude! We still loved it! We were quoting the entirety of the McDonalds part where the guy wants an egg in his sandwich and is ready to fire a harpoon to get it. “Désolé, il est midi et après midi eh ben l’mac morning c’est fini” was a goddamn meme here.

It would probably have been less funny if the singer didn’t look like a cute nerd, it turns the music video into a hilarious parody. Especially because instead of a gun, he’s menacing people with a harpoon, a giant wooden hammer and a water pistol.

Legends only.

11 - One More Time (Daft Punk)

US: Not on the list / FR: #30

Around the World was a repetitive song, and while I kinda liked it, I didn’t quite get the hype around it at the time. But One More Time is a huge party, and everybody is invited, and all the drama stays at the door, and everyone just has a great time. And it has one of the most fitting music videos ever.

It’s a monster of a song, and even if it’s still a bit too repetitive to be listened to on a loop, it was a delight everytime it was on the radio. And it still is! Godspeed, Daft Punk.

10 - Innamoramento (Mylène Farmer)

US: Not on the list / FR: #91

I really, really tried to keep her off the list. And I failed. Innamoramento, the album, is one of my favorite albums of one of my favorite French artists ever and I’m weak, and out of the five (five) singles out of that album, I only managed to leave two out of my top 10 lists.

This sounds absolutely fantastic. There’s no way I could kick it off the list, even to make room for a guy who was rapping for my estate. And not even for goddamn Daft Punk.

Kill me now.

9 - Absolutely (Nine Days)

US: #35 / FR: Not on the list

I discovered this song in 2008 through a Silent Hill 3 AMV about Heather. Yeppppp. It’s here, and it’s still great 11 years later, and I love it, and this song was so good I put it on my playlist immediately and it stayed on it for several years.

The lyrics never really deliver their promise of telling a “story”, but it’s still a fantastic, bouncy, uplifting song, and it made my world better, and I have to thank that ephemeral band for that.

And I especially loved the very brief pause before the last “girl” in the song. Very relatable.

8 - J’en rêve encore (De Palmas)

US: Not on the list / FR: #27

Listen. I have no idea what’s up with these specific chords, but they are the sound of a weird mix of nostalgia, anger and above all, discomfort. No other song has the exact colors this one has and no other broadcasts this very specific mixed feeling.

Too bad the lyrics are yet another breakup song, or more specifically a post-breakup song (even if the lyrics are very, very good ; I just checked who wrote them and it’s Jean-Jacques Goldman. I had no idea but now, I can definitely hear it), because the music is really something else. At least to me. Is anyone else hearing this?

7 - The Real Slim Shady (Eminem)

US: #51 / FR: #28

Wow. Would you look at that. The ex angsty angry teenager loved Eminem. What a surprise, uh.

To be honest, I already genuinely liked this song as a kid even if I could only understand a few isolated parts and words, and the fact that this guy was pissed off and clearly being offensive, possibly towards everyone, was enough.

Now that I can understand the lyrics entirely, I obviously don’t endorse all of them (like the very backhanded argument for gay marriage. Jesus), but I can’t help it, this song still kicks ass. It would be dishonest to leave it out of the list. I loved it so much at the time. And I still enjoy it a lot.

6 - Natural Blues (Moby)

US: Not on the list. Not on any US year-end list actually. I thought it was big everywhere but no. What happened. / FR: #49

There’s overplay, and then there’s “I keep hearing this song everywhere and yet I can never get enough of it, and I will sing it at school, and I will put it on tapes, and I will listen to it even when it’s not on the radio.”

If you asked me what the year 2000 sounded like, it sounded like Natural Blues. I genuinely can’t believe it’s not on the US year-end chart.

5 - Around the World (ATC)

US: Not on the list / FR: #48

This has no right being this catchy without ever, ever becoming annoying. What kind of evil pact did you make to get this result. How.

4 - Jeune et Con (Saez)

US: Not on the list / FR: #70

The title is “Young and Stupid”. It’s an extremely angry song against the establishment. Didn’t pay a lot of attention to it when it came out because well, I was 12, but I would drink up this kind of angry, angsty song only three/four years later. It has aged like fine wine too and feels like the ultimate ‘Ok Boomer’ song ; here’s a translation. It is brutal. You’re welcome.

If I had better taste this would be above the next two songs.

3 - Daddy DJ (Daddy DJ)

US: Not on the list / FR: #5

As I said in the intro, I started to BUY music that year. I could pick what I wanted to own, as long as my parents thought the cds were appropriate.

So I went to the nearest record store. It was called “Madison” and had a chrome aesthetic, with neons and fluorescent 90s shit everywhere, and banners with band names on it, and somewhat menacing posters (the Iron Maiden ones looked scary). It was very intimidating.

And so, 12 years old Johannes, under dad’s supervision, picked the cd they wanted above all the other cds in the shop knowing THAT one wouldn’t make anyone angry at home, went towards the desk, slapped a lot of coins on it, and bought this, trying to look as fierce and determined a 12 y.o can, which isn’t much.

It still slaps nearly twenty years later and I don’t regret a single thing. That’s all I have to say about Daddy DJ by Daddy DJ.

So I was making this list, feeling pretty good about putting Mylène Farmer so low on it, and I was like oh wow, I genuinely love all these other songs more than the two she released that year! This feels great. This is healing. This is progress. It also means the most controversial things on the list are a nerd threatening people with a water pistol and Eminem spouting his usual bullshit empty provocations. No big deal. It’s okay! Moving on.

What was the French #1 for that year, by the way? I can’t rememb-

OH SHIT OH F█CK

OH NO

2 - Moi Lolita (Alizée)

US: Not on the list / FR: #1

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

Mylène Farmer wrote this for Alizée. Screw the entire universe. I want her off my lists but I can’t because I need to make them honestly.

“I’m not a sucker, I never bought the album AND I never bought these singles in a SHOP, I got them in a garage sale the next year for less that a quarter of the price”, says the person who is, in fact, clearly and definitely a sucker.

How can a song be so horribly catchy and horribly controversial at the same time. HOW. It’s unfair. For some context about how controversial this is if you’re an English speaker, this is what would happen if Bad Guy by Billie Eilish was the catchiest shit in the world. This was almost #1 on my list before I noticed my actual #1 song made it pretty high on the French year-end list despite being mysteriously absent from the US one.

Also I’m glad the music video provides a mostly harmless context: this girl is supposed to babysit her little sister, but she went dancing in a club. And the little sister is looking after her instead. I’m saying “mostly” harmless because there’s that creepy guy who keeps watching her, as if the story was saying “you should not do this and you are putting yourself in danger and this will end horribly”. Which is a sentiment I can definitely get behind, and at the time, I was already highly skeptical about the message this song was sending even if I loved it. I’m just judging that through the comments I was writing next to it on my “favorite songs” lists (”leave your little sister out of this, Alizée”):

Bonus: most relatable comment on the video by a mile.

Same, my dude.

This is why the first album I bought was Daddy DJ and not that one or, uh, the next one.

1 - Stan (Eminem)

US: Not on the list either?? What happened. Why / FR: #18

This song actually created a new English verb. Think about that for a second.

Also, until the end of my life, I will wonder why people suddenly decided, a couple of years ago, than “to stan” now meant “admiring a lot and being a huge fan of” instead of “being a creepy obsessed stalker and possibly dangerous”.

Anyhow.

I couldn’t understand one tenth of the lyrics at the time this was a hit, but I still sneakily put it on my tapes. I knew my parents disapproved. Oh, I liked it. I loved it. I adored it.

I was also terrified of it.

One of the only lines I clearly understood with my limited English was the “I’m your biggest fan” line, and how increasingly dangerous the guy sounded, and that Eminem was trying to answer him at the end but it was too late and he had already done some horrible shit.

This is a horror story in song form, it stays with you long after it’s over every time you listen to it, and it’s a rare and precious thing.

I’m still genuinely terrified after all these years, though.

Next up: another mix of embarrassing shit and valid stuff

[hammerraptor]

Have less than one year before Microsoft cuts off Windows 7

When Windows 10 launched in 2015, PC users were confronted with a dilemma. Microsoft had in many enthusiasts eyes been making blunder after blunder in their efforts to turn what we all thought was a perfectly functional operating system into some kind of idiot, friendly, touchscreen fisher-price. Looking nonsense and on top of trying to fix what ain't broke, Microsoft wanted unprecedented access to their users, data and resolved to just force system updates when you're right in the middle of something and all for what DirectX 12. So many power users ended up sticking with Windows 7 and are still using it today, but they have a problem. If you're one of these individuals, you now have less than one year before Microsoft, cuts off Windows 7. 

You may not want to risk an upgrade, but, as Aragorn said, to fit in in the Great Hall of EDS upgrading is upon you whether you would risk it or not. Wait. I don't think that's quite what he said. You know what else is close. I can almost smell it. So close, that's our sponsor! It won't help you with your Windows, 7 problem, but they still G skills. Trident II royal series, ddr4 memory, features a polished, aluminium heat spreader, that's available in both gold or silver and a crystalline light bar that radiates beautiful RGB check it out at the link below [ Music ]. 

Now you might not realize this, but in spite of Microsoft, practically giving away Windows 10 even to those with pirated installations, most users stuck with Windows 7, rather than upgrading, either to eight or ten something that only finally changed late last year in December, net market share Reported that Windows 10 installations rose above Windows 7 for the first time and now account for nearly 41 percent of the user base compared to Windows 7 37 percent. Now, hopefully, that number is going to continue to go down as we get closer to January 14. 2020. 

The day that Windows 7 dies because otherwise we are gon na - have some serious problems because, yes, yes, ok, Windows, 7, it's not gon na die. It'S not like you just turn on your computer and it doesn't turn on anymore. It'S just going to stop receiving feature, updates, bug, fixes and, most importantly, security updates, which are very important if you want to, I don't know, continue Oh safe using the Internet. Now, as it did for previous versions of Windows, Microsoft is offering extended security updates, or, yes, you, ECU for Windows, 7 enterprise and pro additions up until January 2023. But this extended the update service won't come cheap and adding insult to injury. The price will double each year, so three years of support is gon na cost. 

A hundred and seventy-five bucks for enterprise licenses and three hundred and fifty for windows 7 pro og, also, if you're a mega ball or PC gamer thinking, yeah no problem. 350 bucks looks like what mid tier graphics card. Sorry, I've got some bad news for you, too. Esu is only available for volume license subscriptions which are usually held by companies or schools. So business is running Windows, 7 machines on Microsoft's, Azure cloud as part of the Windows virtual desktop program, those folks get ESU for free, but again baller gamers. I would imagine that scenario doesn't apply to you. So then, if you're just a regular Windows, 7 user with a personal license, what can you do well before we get too deep into your options? 

Let'S take a look at why people want to hold on to Windows 7, like that grudge against their brother for stealing the last piece of their birthday cake, even though they told them that they were saving it for later and hid it away way in the back Of the fridge - so you wouldn't know it was there Windows 7 was, is kind of fantastic. It'S mature, stable and reliable and offers a great amount of control over the way it behaves. Its interface is functional, familiar and extremely customizable, and it's got all your settings just the way that you like them. I mean. Furthermore, I wouldn't be surprised if anyone upgrading now has a program or two that would either require a new, not to mention costly license to run on Windows 10 or that isn't available for it at all and there's other little creature comforts typing in the search bar Retrieves results that make sense instead of a Windows setting you weren't, looking for or a web result from big windows, 7. 

Doesn'T incessantly ask you to send more of your personal information to Microsoft or decide on its own when it's time to update whether you like it or not, updates are available? Sorry, you know what I'm actually kind of in the middle of something kind of Roger that updating now, but as awesome as Windows 7 is. There are quite a few cons to staying with it past the end date for extended support. Besides lacking the latest antivirus protections, Windows 7 won't have Windows, 10 features like device guard, UEFI, secure boot and Windows, hello, which offer higher overall security for your system, and while gaming performance is about the same, some things like system boot times are slower in Windows 7. 

Compared to Windows 10, so it turns out Microsoft, software engineers weren't sitting around playing beer pong for the last 78 years. Also, if you're worried about future proofing at all, which you should be at least a little bit. Windows, 7 is not a great bet, as software and even hardware makers eventually do stop providing support for legacy operating systems. So, even if you pay for es, you support only lasts for three years and costs more than a Windows 10 license and you might be able to upgrade for free anyway, yep, even though Microsoft officially ended their offer for a free upgrade to Windows. 10 from Windows. 7 or 8 many users have reported successful, fully activated upgrades by using Microsoft's official upgrade utility, and even if you have to pay bare with me for a moment here, Windows 10 might not be as bad as you think. There are a lot of happy users out there who appreciate its combination of the efficiency and customization of Windows 7 and the modern design of Windows 8 and despite Microsoft's best efforts. 

There is actually a fair bit that you can do to minimize their data collection and postpone system updates until absolutely necessary, or at least until it's convenient, so we're gon na have some resources for you guys for this linked in the video description. But let's say you drop a line at Windows: 10. Fine, you say I'll! Stop using Windows 7, but hashtag, never Windows, 10 whoo tell you guys are serious cuz that hashtag there well, for you guys. There are other options. First up, there's Windows. 8.1. I mean I doubt that you guys have stuck with Windows 7 for this long, just to get into the OS that Gabe Newell called a catastrophe, and it's data, collection and update system are kind of similar to Windows 10, but at least it'll be getting security updates, 

Though, realistically now that Microsoft has learned from their mistake of supporting Windows, XP for like ever that'll, probably only buy you a couple of years. So maybe that's not a great option. So then, what how about Oh Mac OS, while Apple's desktop OS, has come a long way and is obviously used by many tech enthusiasts? The thing is, I don't see many windows, 7 diehards willingly affecting to apples Camp Plus. You would need to either buy a totally new computer or begin the long, arduous process of trying to turn your existing PC into a hackintosh. Now it might be doable, but even most hackintosh enthusiasts are pretty open about what a finicky experience that is leaving Linux. Now, a couple of years ago, 

I would have said that that's madness, but Linux is a more viable option than ever before, even for gamers. Now we're planning another follow-up, video on Valve's proton compatibility software, but for now the main thing you need to know about it is that it makes an ever growing list of Windows. Games run flawlessly on Linux and community reports indicate that thousands more run pretty well. As for the non-gamers popular Linux, distros like Ubuntu work great for productivity, focused views, especially if the majority of your work is done on the web, and there are even distros that borrow heavily from Windows for their interface, like Linux Mint. So your homesickness will at least be saved a little and then, of course, there's the last option. Stick with Windows 7 hold fast as your destruction edges ever closer. 

So you goodbye to hardware or software upgrades and just well just don't browse the internet after January 14th. 2012, with regards to that option, I mean you know what Godspeed you brave bastard, but, needless to say, we don't actually recommend doing that. What we do recommend, though, if you need to build a beautiful website without the hassle, is Squarespace with Squarespace is all in one platform, you just pick a template and turn your text throw in your pictures, design a logo they've got all kinds of amazing tools and Boom, you have a website, it might not be a very good website. It might not have a lot of important information on it, but that's on you, sir or ma'am. It'S not on Squarespace, because they have tons of amazing help that you can leverage they offer webinars. Full series of help guides and you can contact their 24/7 customer support via live chat and email. 

If you're ever having trouble, and if you already have a third party domain, you don't have to give it up, you can just transfer it to Squarespace plus with Squarespace. You get tons of e-commerce features to help you sell merch or services online and easily manage your inventory and orders so head over to Squarespace comm /l tt and get 10 % off your first purchase. We'Re gon na have that linked below. So thanks for watching guys, we just like this video. You can hit that button. I'M sorry! It'S a really bad news. I get it, but if you liked it hit like get subscribed or maybe consider checking out where to buy the stuff, we featured Windows 10. I guess at the link in the video description also down, there is our merch store, which has cool shirts like this one and our community forum, which you should totally join. We should have where you can now buy it, a bunch of CD canonical we'll ship. You one if you pay like a couple bucks, I think you can yeah but and don't pay for Linux either way. It'S free. It'S kind of the point.