#assertiveness skills

[leoascendantgirl]

[starksh]

“I don’t mind” can cost more than you think. 🧠 Learn why passive language might be hurting your confidence. #SpeakUp #EmotionalWellness #MindsetMatters

[theluckygirlblog]

How to Create Unshakable Confidence

Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s something you build. True confidence isn’t about pretending or faking it; it’s about developing a deep-rooted belief in yourself that doesn’t waver, no matter the situation. Unshakable confidence is the kind that doesn’t depend on compliments, external validation, or temporary achievements. It’s a quiet, powerful knowing that you are capable,…

[so-i-did-this-thing]

I just wanted to say I really admire how effortlessly masculine you are but how you also love so many traditionally "feminine" things. I am working on coming out as a trans man and dread people telling me I'm not allowed to knit and stuff anymore

One of the annoying aspects of transition is you become this walking litmus test for weird gender essentialism - even in progressive folks - and you're gonna learn just how much people deprive themselves of personal joy because of it.

I cannot tell you how many well-meaning people ended up shitting on my hobbies out of a desire to give me "man lessons" that I never asked for in the first place.

All I can say is, stick to your guns. Sure, knitting has also historically been a masculine activity, but to acknowledge such feels like giving credence to the argument that you have to drop "unmanly" interests. Knit because you like to knit, not because you are "allowed to" based on some gendered technicality.

Don't feel like you need to sacrifice parts of yourself in order to transition. If the best version of you is a man who knits, or a man who likes pink, or a man who enjoys wearing makeup, resist the urge to destroy these pieces of yourself.

Detractors will attempt to weaponize everything about you in an attempt to de-legitimize who you are. The most radical thing you can do is show them how your passions only make you stronger.

The dread is real, but it gets easier to assert yourself over time. You might even find yourself becoming an ambassador to other men wrt your hobbies. Good luck!

[mogomoguz]

Rizzing up a pirate: step 1

[serenityquest]

NeuroWild

[hauntedselves]

DEAR MAN: Making Yourself Heard

This interpersonal effectiveness skill helps you assert your boundaries, and get yourself heard and understood.

D: Describe

Describe the current situation (if necessary). Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.

Example: “You told me you would be home by dinner but you didn’t get here until 11.”

E: Express

Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.

Use phrases such as “I want” instead of “You should,” “I don’t want” instead of “You shouldn’t.”

Example: “When you come home so late, I start worrying about you.”

A: Assert

Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Do not assume that others will figure out what you want. Remember that others cannot read your mind.

Example: “I would really like it if you would call me when you are going to be late.”

R: Reinforce

Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time (so to speak) by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need. If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need. Remember also to reward desired behavior after the fact.

Example: “I would be so relieved, and a lot easier to live with, if you do that.”

M: stay Mindful

Keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic.

“Broken record”: Keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over. Just keep replaying the same thing again and again.

Ignore attacks: If another person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.

Example: “I would still like a call.”

A: Appear confident

Appear effective and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating. No saying, “I’m not sure,” etc.

N: Negotiate

Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.

Turn the tables: Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for other solutions.

Example: “How about if you text me when you think you might be late?” “What do you think we should do? . . . I can’t just stop worrying about you [or I’m not willing to].”

More tips

Describe the current interaction.

If the “broken record” and ignoring don’t work, make a statement about what is happening between you and the person now, but without imputing motives.

Example: “You keep asking me over and over, even though I have already said no several times,” or “It is hard to keep asking you to empty the dishwasher when it is your month to do it.”

Not: “You obviously don’t want to hear what I am saying,” “You obviously don’t care about me,” “Well, it’s obvious that what I have to say doesn’t matter to you,” “Obviously you think I’m stupid.”

Express feelings or opinions about the interaction.

For instance, in the middle of an interaction that is not going well, you can express your feelings of discomfort in the situation.

Example: “I am sorry I cannot do what you want, but I’m finding it hard to keep discussing it,” or “It’s becoming very uncomfortable for me to keep talking about this, since I can’t help it. I am starting to feel angry about it,” or “I’m not sure you think this is important for you to do.”

Not: “I hate you!”, “Every time we talk about this, you get defensive,” “Stop patronizing me!”

Assert wishes in the situation.

When another person is pestering you, you can ask them to stop it. When a person is refusing a request, you can suggest that you put the conversation off until another time. Give the other person a chance to think about it.

Example: “Please don’t ask me again. My answer won’t change,” or “OK, let’s stop discussing this now and pick it up again sometime tomorrow,” or “Let’s cool down for a while and then get together to figure out a solution.”

Not: “Would you shut up?” “You should do this!”, “You should really calm down and do what’s right here.”

Reinforce.

When you are saying no to someone who keeps asking, or when someone won’t take your opinion seriously, suggest ending the conversation, since you aren’t going to change your mind anyway. When trying to get someone to do something for you, you can suggest that you will come up with a better offer later.

Example: “Let’s stop talking about this now. I’m not going to change my mind, and I think this is just going to get frustrating for both of us,” or “OK, I can see you don’t want to do this, so let’s see if we can come up with something that will make you more willing to do it.”

Not: “If you don’t do this for me, I’ll never do anything for you ever again,” “If you keep asking me, I’ll get a restraining order against you,” “Gosh, you must be a terrible person for not doing this / for asking me to do this.”

- from DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (2015) by Marsha M. Linehan, pp. 125-7.

[seoafin]

jason in my head....bit of a prude actually

[theanonymousninja247]

✨ Star Friends ✨

When I found out that @chessman-protocol boy Crit liked Astronomy, let’s just say I was beyond estatic and immediately planned this little comic. Here’s to my boy Vincent doing his best to make friends with folks who share similar interests 😅💙

Funny enough, I didn’t realize I put this in Vincent character’s until I looked at the whole thing, but Vincent very much shares the lack of stranger danger the way I did/ I do to this day. To quote one of my past managers I’m “abnormally friendly” or whatever

I can’t tell you how many times even as a small child (drove my parents nuts) that I saw a cool person with whatever connecting factor and I just straight up walked to them and was like “Ok cool. We’re friends now.” And nobody’s really stopped me? So apparently I have friends now. 😆

Vincent however is just a wholesome baby boy who doesn’t realize he’s actually an intimidating hunk of a turtle and randomly walking up to strangers and not saying anything can be taken the wrong way.

Like I said, he’s trying his best. He wasn’t exactly the most socialized if you can’t tell, but he does love dearly and is certainly a boone of a friend to have once you get past the inevitable social awkwardness. He’s loyal to put because he really doesn’t know better, and I adore him for that. Anyway, dunno if Crit knows any ASL or not, but either way Vincent is just excited to meet somebody else who likes space ✨🌌 💙

[femmefatalevibe]

Any idea to know what to do and say in terms of conflict?

Depersonalize others' comments & actions

Perceive the person's intentions – are they seeking war or peace?

If their intentions are sound, enter the conversation with the mindset of two individuals vs. a problem – decouple their humanity, emotions, wants, and needs from external factors & situations

Seek to understand, not win through your conversation

Approach the conversation from a solutions-oriented POV

Remember that compromise means both parties walk away happy or at least content with the outcome – self-sacrifice has no place in conflict resolution or negotiation

Hope this helps xx

[noisytenant]

when you are afraid to say "no" to someone it can be helpful to ask what consequences you realistically think might occur, particularly focusing on "escalations" and defense against them.

if you are afraid to reject someone, you should ask, "what might they feel in response? how might they act on those feelings? and how might they escalate things in response to being challenged?"

this can help you identify people who legitimately respect your boundaries, relatively reasonable people with some challenging or unhealthy communication habits, and people who are overtly toxic, controlling, and abusive.

subconsciously many people with trauma backgrounds respond to conflicts with a generalized, abstract mortal terror. on an emotional level, there is a flattening where an annoyed tone or triggering phrase can feel as dangerous as a person swinging at you.

but most people, even abusive ones, have limits to what they are willing to do. disentangling your absolute worst fears from grounded predictions allows for solutions beyond automatic survival strategies.

once you estimate the lengths someone could go to assert their will over yours, you can reinforce your own stance, tactically disengage from the situation, and protect your body and personal property.

if you haven't considered potential escalations, then standing up for yourself can feel impossibly risky. but once you understand the playing field, you can mitigate a number of those risks into something manageable.

while we can never be certain of what could happen, life doesn't need to be a binary between "being a doormat" and "going for a home run with a hornet's nest".

and preventing even one instance of (re)victimization can allow you to take back some of the power from the people who have used it against you.

[ireton]

Skills every man should cultivate.

* WARNING - STRAIGHT TALK *

DISCLAIMER: Please do your own research and come to your own conclusions.

[volivolition]

heyheyheyheyhey. Voli. Plz make Authroity propaganda too I want him to win

hi! so uh. i don't have a solid design for Authority yet (besides "oh buddy you would not survive the ides of march, huh?") and also i love Esprit (skill of community and connections to like-minded people... camaraderie! being part of a group! my friend) and also this is not the main poll im focusing on at the moment [INTENSE ADHD CREATURE STARING AT VOLITION] but hell yeah, im down to make little a silly thing for them!! as a treat <3

^ yay!! go vote for guys who i don't have solid designs for~!! [tinny yippee sound effect]

WHITE CHECK: CONCEPTUALIZATION [IMPOSSIBLE] - Draw convincing Authority propaganda. +1 Love drawing the skills -1 Haven't slept yet -1 Haven't designed him yet -1 Haven't written his Character Study Chapter yet -2 Past attempts looked like UnderfelI Papyrus... -2 Rooting for Esprit?? -3 ROOTING FOR SHIVERS -5 Hyperfocus trained on Volition -5 AND VOLITION IS LOSING 😭

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Impossible: Failure] - What do you mean failure? No, it's simple, watch how naturally it comes to you. Just take the psyche purple, shade in the dark eye sockets, touches of glowing white pupils, a stern expression, awful eyebags, just darken the center of the face as a whole, add the… broken… crown...

CONCEPTUALIZATION - OH GODDAMMIT, that's just Crownhead again. This has Implications for your personal fanfic universal canon lore that you are unsure how to contend with right now. Sorry, your creativity has officially clocked out. A doodle will have to suffice.

[reiketsui]

balanced power dynamics are my favorite ever

[niggadiffusion]

Navigating the Silence: When Your Voice Feels Lost and Your Worth Overlooked

Ever felt like you're shouting into the void, only to be met with indifference or dismissal? You're not alone. The struggle to be heard and respected is woven deeply into the human experience. Whether in relationships, the workplace, or personal reflection, this yearning for validation is universal. When unmet, it can stir emotional turmoil and erode our sense of self-worth.

This exploration aims to offer clarity, support, and actionable strategies to help you cope with these emotions and foster more meaningful connections. The truth is, feeling unheard and disrespected is a shared experience, but with intention and the right tools, positive change is within reach.

The Weight of Being Unheard

At its core, feeling unheard is the painful sense that your thoughts and emotions are overlooked or misunderstood. It’s that invisible barrier that isolates you, even when surrounded by others. This emotional disconnection can range from mild frustration to profound loneliness, often chipping away at self-esteem and trust in others. Over time, these experiences can leave you questioning your own worth.

The Sting of Disrespect

Disrespect, on the other hand, strikes at your inherent dignity. It can be blatant, like an insult, or subtle, like being repeatedly interrupted or dismissed. What defines disrespect varies from person to person, shaped by personal values and cultural backgrounds. Yet, the emotional toll—anger, hurt, shame, or even fear—is universal.

Where the Two Intersect

Often, feeling unheard and disrespected go hand in hand. When your voice is ignored, it’s easy to feel devalued. This dynamic can stem from mismatched communication styles, unmet emotional needs, or power imbalances in relationships. In the workplace, it might manifest as being overlooked for your contributions or having your ideas dismissed.

The Internal Struggle

Sometimes, these feelings are rooted in internal factors. A passive communication style, self-doubt from past experiences, or difficulty expressing emotions can all contribute. These patterns can lead to a cycle of emotional distress and reinforce the belief that your voice doesn’t matter.

The Ripple Effect

In the short term, frustration, anger, and sadness are natural responses. Over time, these emotions can morph into anxiety, self-doubt, and social withdrawal. The chronic stress of feeling unheard and disrespected can even affect physical health and lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Reclaiming Your Voice

Self-Reflection: Identify what being heard means to you. Is it validation, empathy, or uninterrupted listening?

Assertive Communication: Use "I" statements, like "I feel unheard when..." to express your needs without blame.

Active Listening: Show genuine interest in others' perspectives and mirror their words to ensure understanding.

Setting Boundaries: Clearly define what behavior is acceptable and follow through with consequences when boundaries are crossed.

Building Self-Worth: Practice self-compassion, challenge negative self-talk, and celebrate your achievements.

Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Use grounding techniques and mindful breathing to manage emotional overwhelm.

Seeking Professional Support: Therapy can help unpack past experiences, develop healthier communication patterns, and build resilience.

The Path Forward

Healing takes time, but every step toward self-awareness and assertiveness strengthens your ability to connect with others and protect your emotional well-being. You deserve to be heard and respected. By prioritizing your voice and valuing your own experience, you can create spaces where your truth resonates—and your presence is truly seen.

[otamotone-dnp]

as a therapist, I fucking hate when other therapists say to their therapist client who are coming to them seeking help for their own mental health issues “well what would you tell your own clients about this” ummm in this space right now I am a client not a therapist, and I’m a human being just like anyone else, and I want you to treat me like a normal client and recognize that it’s way easier to help others notice their patterns and behaviors than to help yourself. it’s so annoying