#boundary setting

[positivelypresent]

Some sentences to help you set boundaries!

[luxuryandlilacs]

Suffering is not a virtue.

[adviceformefromme]

This is the year of creating new standards for how people show up for you. You’re creating a new standard for what you accept. Let that man be who he is, but not with you. Raise the bar. You are no longer a women that allows bottom of the barrel treatment. When men come around you they need to come correct, and that is the standard you get to set. You hold that power. There are no tears this year from men hurting you, and leading you on because you’re not even allowing space for those type of relationships to be entertained. You are wise. The bible says be wise as a serpent, but as innocent as doves. Stop playing dumb. You already learnt these lessons. You know better. Use your wisdom. Be crystal clear on your boundaries, so when the next man (test) comes along you already know your weak spots, you already know the repetitive lesson that keep showing up, and you’re ready to step up your game. But of course you want it to be easy, you want it to flow. But that's the energy that’s allowed these men to trample all over your heart, and guess who's left picking up the pieces? The cost is too high. Those months, years, even lifetimes wasted on toxic relationships because you didn’t learn how to set boundaries. It started with your conditioning, it started with the abuse you had to endure and accept. But that season has past, so now it’s time to re-condition yourself. You have the power to do this, to re-programme. Understand what you will allow, and what you will not. Study your past relationships and where you slipped up. Because you WILL be tested, and until you pass the test you will be stuck on this hamster wheel of being involved with men who are not your peace. Practise how you want to feel. Practise feeling those elevated emotions, practise the feeling of safety in a relationship. Of being with a man that consistently shows up for you, practise the feeling of having a man that supports you and wants to help you. How does that feel? Do you even know what that feels like? This is the work. You dive deep into yourself, into your blind spots, so they can no longer blind you. You become the wise serpent. You show up better, because what is the alternative really? Another year of sleepless nights because he’s not messaging you back, another relationship where you are over pouring and feel drained? This is not the energy. This is the year of change. This is the year you become the rose with the thorns.

Join the AdviceForMeFromMe Discord for more daily updates

[glowettee]

✧・゜: lessons that changed everything: what i learned from tam kaur :・゜✧:・゜

hey lovelies! ✧

i've been deep diving into tam kaur's videos lately (at 2am with a face mask on, as one does) and honestly? her advice has shifted something in me that i didn't even know needed shifting. i wanted to share some lessons that have genuinely changed how i move through the world, in case any of you need these reminders too.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ you're allowed to prioritize yourself ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

this seems so simple but was revolutionary for me. tam talks about how we're conditioned to believe that putting ourselves first is selfish, when actually it's the foundation of everything good we bring to the world. i used to feel guilty for saying no or taking time for myself, like i was somehow failing at being a good friend/daughter/person.

now i understand that filling my own cup first isn't just okay, it's necessary. i can't pour from empty, and neither can you.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ confidence is a practice, not a personality trait ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

i always thought confident people were just born that way. tam taught me that confidence is actually built through tiny, consistent actions, speaking up even when your voice shakes, trying things that scare you, and slowly expanding your comfort zone.

the most powerful part? she talks about how confidence isn't about never feeling insecure, it's about feeling the fear and doing it anyway. this changed everything for me because i was waiting to feel confident before acting confident. turns out it works the other way around.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ your worth isn't tied to productivity ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

in one video, tam mentioned how we're taught to tie our value to what we accomplish. i felt so seen because i've always been that person with the endless to-do lists, feeling like a failure on days when i don't cross enough items off.

learning to separate my inherent worth from my output has been the most freeing thing. i'm still working on it (catching myself when i say "i didn't do anything today"), but just being aware of this pattern has helped me be gentler with myself.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ healing isn't linear ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

tam talks about this a lot, how personal growth isn't this neat upward trajectory. it's messy. you'll have days where you feel like you've figured it all out, followed by days where you fall back into old patterns.

this helped me stop being so hard on myself when i slip up. healing isn't perfection; it's progress over time. those setbacks aren't failures, they're just part of the journey.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ other people's opinions aren't your responsibility ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

this one hit me hard. tam has this way of explaining how we waste so much energy trying to manage what others think of us, when ultimately, their opinions are shaped by their own experiences and insecurities.

i used to contort myself trying to make everyone like me. now i'm learning that some people simply won't, and that's okay. it's actually freeing to release that impossible responsibility.

what i love most about tam's approach is how she balances aspirational content with reality. she doesn't promise overnight transformation, she talks about the daily practice of choosing yourself, again and again.

have any of you found creators who've shifted your perspective like this? i'd love to know who else i should be watching!

xoxo, mindy 🤍

make sure to follow + check out my substack newsletter, i'm going to post a lot of amazing content on there: follow it right here!!

[decafanddivination]

Note to self: Don’t open that door. You closed it for a reason. You didn’t overreact. It was intentional and purposeful. Don’t open it back up because of the idea you used to hold of who is behind it. It will only hurt you. You don’t miss the person. You miss the idea of who you thought they were and could be.

Don’t open the door.

[tozettastone]

I think one of the harder things to learn as an adult when you're struggling to create really strong boundaries with family is that, like so many things, it's all about consistency. Just like training a dog, you need to set expectations that are the same every time. You need to be consistent.

For example: "[Family member], if you can't get through this conversation without bringing up your personal opinions about [raising my kids] [my medical condition] [conspiracy theory] [the gays] [religious nonsense] [whatever], I will hang up the phone. You can think I'm unreasonable or overly sensitive. I don't care about that. I only care that you understand cause and consequence. The cause is you bring this topic up with me. The consequence is that we stop talking and try again next time. Okay. Have a good night."

And then you hang up. Every time. Every time. Consistency is key. Every. Time.

You do not want to live in a constant state of negotiation and debate with family members. But good news: trained animals can understand cause and effect. Your family members can learn to do this, too. 💀

[hauntedselves]

DEAR MAN: Making Yourself Heard

This interpersonal effectiveness skill helps you assert your boundaries, and get yourself heard and understood.

D: Describe

Describe the current situation (if necessary). Stick to the facts. Tell the person exactly what you are reacting to.

Example: “You told me you would be home by dinner but you didn’t get here until 11.”

E: Express

Express your feelings and opinions about the situation. Don’t assume that the other person knows how you feel.

Use phrases such as “I want” instead of “You should,” “I don’t want” instead of “You shouldn’t.”

Example: “When you come home so late, I start worrying about you.”

A: Assert

Assert yourself by asking for what you want or saying no clearly. Do not assume that others will figure out what you want. Remember that others cannot read your mind.

Example: “I would really like it if you would call me when you are going to be late.”

R: Reinforce

Reinforce (reward) the person ahead of time (so to speak) by explaining positive effects of getting what you want or need. If necessary, also clarify the negative consequences of not getting what you want or need. Remember also to reward desired behavior after the fact.

Example: “I would be so relieved, and a lot easier to live with, if you do that.”

M: stay Mindful

Keep your focus on your goals. Maintain your position. Don’t be distracted. Don’t get off the topic.

“Broken record”: Keep asking, saying no, or expressing your opinion over and over and over. Just keep replaying the same thing again and again.

Ignore attacks: If another person attacks, threatens, or tries to change the subject, ignore the threats, comments, or attempts to divert you. Do not respond to attacks. Ignore distractions. Just keep making your point.

Example: “I would still like a call.”

A: Appear confident

Appear effective and competent. Use a confident voice tone and physical manner; make good eye contact. No stammering, whispering, staring at the floor, retreating. No saying, “I’m not sure,” etc.

N: Negotiate

Be willing to give to get. Offer and ask for other solutions to the problem. Reduce your request. Say no, but offer to do something else or to solve the problem another way. Focus on what will work.

Turn the tables: Turn the problem over to the other person. Ask for other solutions.

Example: “How about if you text me when you think you might be late?” “What do you think we should do? . . . I can’t just stop worrying about you [or I’m not willing to].”

More tips

Describe the current interaction.

If the “broken record” and ignoring don’t work, make a statement about what is happening between you and the person now, but without imputing motives.

Example: “You keep asking me over and over, even though I have already said no several times,” or “It is hard to keep asking you to empty the dishwasher when it is your month to do it.”

Not: “You obviously don’t want to hear what I am saying,” “You obviously don’t care about me,” “Well, it’s obvious that what I have to say doesn’t matter to you,” “Obviously you think I’m stupid.”

Express feelings or opinions about the interaction.

For instance, in the middle of an interaction that is not going well, you can express your feelings of discomfort in the situation.

Example: “I am sorry I cannot do what you want, but I’m finding it hard to keep discussing it,” or “It’s becoming very uncomfortable for me to keep talking about this, since I can’t help it. I am starting to feel angry about it,” or “I’m not sure you think this is important for you to do.”

Not: “I hate you!”, “Every time we talk about this, you get defensive,” “Stop patronizing me!”

Assert wishes in the situation.

When another person is pestering you, you can ask them to stop it. When a person is refusing a request, you can suggest that you put the conversation off until another time. Give the other person a chance to think about it.

Example: “Please don’t ask me again. My answer won’t change,” or “OK, let’s stop discussing this now and pick it up again sometime tomorrow,” or “Let’s cool down for a while and then get together to figure out a solution.”

Not: “Would you shut up?” “You should do this!”, “You should really calm down and do what’s right here.”

Reinforce.

When you are saying no to someone who keeps asking, or when someone won’t take your opinion seriously, suggest ending the conversation, since you aren’t going to change your mind anyway. When trying to get someone to do something for you, you can suggest that you will come up with a better offer later.

Example: “Let’s stop talking about this now. I’m not going to change my mind, and I think this is just going to get frustrating for both of us,” or “OK, I can see you don’t want to do this, so let’s see if we can come up with something that will make you more willing to do it.”

Not: “If you don’t do this for me, I’ll never do anything for you ever again,” “If you keep asking me, I’ll get a restraining order against you,” “Gosh, you must be a terrible person for not doing this / for asking me to do this.”

- from DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets (2015) by Marsha M. Linehan, pp. 125-7.

[aurora-alice]

Borderline and Identity

Part of having BPD is this profound sense of emptiness and lack of connection to a genuine identity. Lots of people have pointed out that when I'm in a relationship I invent myself for my partner. This is because I get addicted to the feeling of finally having what seems like a stable identity.

I want this identity to be validated so I don't go back to feeling empty. When relationships fall apart, I feel like my new identity does as well. Couple this with the fact that I basically self-abandon for the whole duration of a relationship, it causes a pretty destructive spiral.

This is why I set boundaries with myself. This is why I don't want to use relationships as band aids on my mental health issues, and why I prefer staying single. There is no external solution to my internal problems - only external alleviations. It is my responsibility to find a healthy way to be myself, not to suppress myself out of a fear of rejection.

[the-cutest-covenn]

You Gotta Tell People What You Want

Look, I know that if you’re confrontation avoidant it’s hard to tell people what you want from them **but** if you don’t tell them, or send little subliminal “hints” of what they’re supposed to be doing expecting them to pick up on until you blow up on them/cut them off/have a dramatic confrontation of built up rage both parties end up unhappy.

People cannot read your mind, and will probably be upset hurt and confused when you randomly get angry with them for not doing things they didn’t even know you wanted from them. One person gets burned and the other gets upset. 

basicallya you have to actually communicate what you want in a relationship (any type) before expecting someone to do those things and getting mad when they don’t. -🦇💫

[healingechoes]

Setting Healthy Boundaries: Phrases to Protect Your Energy

Boundaries are necessary. They’re how we protect our time, energy, and emotional well-being while also teaching others how to treat us. But let’s be real—setting boundaries can feel awkward, especially if you’re not used to it. To make it easier, here’s a guide to some phrases that can help you hold your ground with grace and clarity.

For Overcommitment:

• “I really appreciate the invitation, but I won’t be able to make it.”

• “Thanks for thinking of me! I’m focusing on my current priorities and can’t take on anything new right now.”

• “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” (This buys time for a thoughtful “no.”)

For Emotional Overload:

• “I understand this is hard for you, but I’m not in the right headspace to help right now.”

• “I care about you, but I need to take a step back to recharge.”

• “I’m not comfortable talking about this. Can we focus on something else?”

For People Who Overstep:

• “I prefer to handle this in my own way, but thank you for your concern.”

• “That’s not something I’m open to discussing.”

• “I need some privacy around this. I hope you understand.”

For Work or School Requests:

• “I can do [specific task], but I don’t have capacity for more at the moment.”

• “I’d love to help, but I need more time/resources to make that happen.”

• “I’m unable to take that on right now. Have you considered [alternative solution]?”

For Protecting Your Time:

• “I can meet, but only for [specific time limit].”

• “I’m not available then, but I’d love to connect another time that works for both of us.”

• “I’m trying to keep this time free for myself, so let’s plan for another day.”

For Toxic Conversations:

• “I’m not okay with being spoken to like that. Let’s revisit this when we can talk respectfully.”

• “I value our relationship, but I need us to communicate without [yelling/blame/etc.].”

• “I don’t think this conversation is productive. I’m going to step away now.”

For General Boundary-Setting:

• “This is what I need right now, and I hope you can respect that.”

• “I’m making this decision because it feels right for me.”

• “I need to honor my own limits, and I hope you understand.”

A Few Tips to Remember:

• Boundaries don’t need explanations. “No” is a complete sentence.

• People who respect you will respect your boundaries.

• Practice makes perfect. The more you set boundaries, the easier it gets.

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s self-care. Try these phrases, tweak them to fit your style, and watch how much better life feels when you’re in control of your own energy. 💜

What are your favorite boundary-setting phrases? Let’s share in the notes!

[soulinlove]

You don’t have to be loved or accepted, but you must be respected.

[luckystarchild]

The people who get angry when you set boundaries are the people taking advantage of the fact you had none. They are angry because they resent losing unfettered access to treating you however they please without consequence.

You are not obligated to soothe someone after they hurt you. Disrespecting someone's boundaries and facing subsequent consequences should be an uncomfortable experience. People enjoy playing the victim because they forget they are the only person who can save them, and that is too much responsibility to bear for many.

Setting boundaries may make you a villain in their story, but it's better to be a happy villain than a miserable martyr to someone's ego.

[littleesistler]

Tickle rp - green and red flags

Hello dears, I’ve recently had a few conversations with my new lers and lees. And I wanted to make a checklist on how to stay safe during rp

Remember consent is given before, after and during all types of intimacy, so here are a few examples:

Before:

Age and pronouns

What names and nicknames may be used

Ask about boundaries

Decide what spots are going to be tickled

Spots that are gonna be avoided

What tools to use or avoid

Restraints, pinning and how close the lee and ler should be

If both parties should have a safe word

During:

ONLY tickle or mention spots that have been chosen

ONLY use tools and nicknames that have been chosen

Regularly check in and ask questions

Give options for breaks and changing position or technique

Respect safe words and boundaries

If someone changes their mind about a spot stop and talk about it

After:

Cuddles and reassurances

Relax and talk about calming things while both parties recollect themselves

Don’t evaluate instantly since both parties are still full of dopamine and the brain needs time to come down from a high and flustered mood

After a few minutes or even the next day evaluate how the session went for both parties

Stay in contact and don’t just disappear after you’ve gotten what you wanted

Tips for the ler:

Remember you are in a position of power and it’s your responsibility to be in charge since your lee is in a different headspace at the moment. Be carful not to go with the flow. The lee might say yes or keep giggling if you ask them something but afterwards they might regret it. In a flustered headspace you can’t think straight nor consent to a new thing. So that’s why boundaries were sett before. Stick to the script!

Tips for lees

Be on the lookout is your ler asking for boundaries, checking in and staying on track. Are they prioritizing your wants and needs? Do you feel safe to be vulnerable or does it feel forced? If you at any point get an icky or uncomfortable feeling, use a safe word and speak out. You can change your options before, after and during. But remember it’s harder to change something afterwards so speak up. And if you feel like you can’t be open with your ler, then why are you with them!

Please stay safe and rember people lie all the time online and in real life about their age, personality and intentions. If at any point someone feels disingenuous you have two options:

confront them

or

ignore them

A few last tips

Don’t laugh at or make an overstepping of a boundary into a joke, you’re valid to sett a stop and guidelines so don’t discredit yourself.

If an apology is mostly self centered and not taking your feelings into account it’s not genuine.

You don’t owe anyone anything: no pictures, no roleplay, no reactions and no time.

Be aware of gaslighting, manipulation, narcissistic and psychopathic tendencies and how to spot these actions.

Say no, use safe words, speak up, ignore, ghost, leave behind and move on, you deserve only the best

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable they aren’t worthy of your time and that’s period!

[auraluxe888]

Most of us have been taught to think of burnout as doing too much. But what if the real cause of burnout is holding too much?

If you're constantly absorbing the moods of others… saying yes when you mean no… feeling like the “strong one” with no space to fall apart…

You’re not just overwhelmed — you're energetically overloaded.

And that’s where Burnout Armor comes in.

🔰 What is Burnout Armor?

Burnout Armor: Energetic Boundaries in the Real World is a workbook created for empaths, sensitives, and those of us who feel like we’re being drained by life — not because we’re weak, but because we’re wide open.

Inside this workbook, you’ll find:

⚔️ Real-world boundary scripts for work, home, relationships & online life

🌬 Breath-based aura reset practice

🌿 Embodied energy clearing tools that go beyond visualization

✍️ Journaling prompts and reflection space

💡 A practical roadmap to help you recognize, release, and reclaim your life force

🛡 Why I Created This

After years of emotional exhaustion and people-pleasing that left me numb and unwell, I realized I didn’t need to shut down to survive.

I just needed boundaries that matched my sensitivity.

This workbook is the one I wish I had when I was unraveling from burnout cycles and learning to protect my peace without guilt.

It pairs beautifully with my Protection Toolkit, and is especially helpful if you've ever felt like:

You’re everyone’s emotional sponge

You leave social events feeling completely wiped

Your nervous system is stuck in fight, flight, or fawn

You want to say no but freeze every time

You’ve done “the inner work” but still feel exposed or drained

✨ Ready to Reclaim Your Energy?

Now available as a companion to my Protection Toolkit.

👉 Grab it now at

https://auraluxe888.gumroad.com/l/yffubg

Or email to book with me auraluxe888@zohomail.com

[bymeraki]

A boundary is a boundary, no matter whose hands are the ones pressing against it.

— мєяакι

[janies-alt-rock-corner5]

Setting Boundaries

I need to set some boundaries here. If you come across my page and want to message me directly -I have no problem with that. As long as your being respectful towards me and you genuinely want to just say hi or talk about something light-hearted.

However, I will NOT discuss anything mature or sexual with you... nor will you try to solicit anything from me. Today, I have had 2 creeps message me and someone else impersonating a celebrity trying to convince me it was them.

I DO NOT appreciate this and I WILL BLOCK/ REPORT YOU- if i feel your being weird.

Also if your a man over 30- DO NOT message me I'm not interested in talking to you.

My blog is basically to inspire others and give song/album recommendations. This is a safe space and I'm going to keep it that way.