#but bc of their shared history. bc of their shared trauma and the circumstances that pulled them together

[im-smart-i-swear]

water of the womb.

now that i think abt it this can kinda function as an unintentional companion piece to this thing! if i had a nickel for every time i drew a kuron piece that involved fetuses et cetera et cetera

[firstflower9]

I don’t know who all needs to hear this but if you are reading tlt hoping that griddlehark is going to be just like the rest of your favorite enemies to lovers pairings you are just not reading the right thing. If you are hoping gideon and harrow will get over what they have going on after one book you are so sorely mistaken. If you want them to bicker and then have a tense moment and kiss and makeup before the book is over you should leave. These two were raised in a cult where harrow was the beloved child of the cult and gideon was an orphan they tried to kill and abused for her whole life. These two have no one but each other in an almost extinct no sunlight death cult planet and they hate each other. They fight. They claw each others skin off. They torture each other bc they have nothing else. It is 17 years of this. They resent each other and that resentment is basically the driving force of both of their lives. Gideon does something that makes harrow almost commit suicide when she is 10 years old. Harrow taunts and beats and steals shit from gideon their whole lives. This is serious hatred that the two cannot get over in just one book.

But also they have no one but each other. They have trauma rooted so deep from each other but also forced upon them by their circumstances. They have been hurt so badly by their upbringing that they took it out on each other because they had no other choice. And when the both finally start to understand each other after so long they find out that none of their hatred for each other is even their fault and in fact they probably dont hate each other they just hate themselves and take it out on each other. And when gideon forgives harrow finally harrow doesnt think she deserves it because she thinks she is a horrible monster and when harrow tries to save gideon gideon doesnt think she deserves it because she thinks she should just be used and abused her whole life. These two hate each other because they hate themselves and could not possibly imagine a universe where they loved each other instead even though they do love each other already. They just cant accept it.

All of this is 100% completely unequivocally fundamentally different from any enemies to lovers romance that has ever been produced. Gideon and harrow at the end of gtn go through the most irreconcilable disconnect any fictional couple could go through that makes them unable to even see each other face to face for TWO WHOLE BOOKS. They hate each other across dimensions and time and space for two whole books because they cannot conceive that something has been done that shows that they are loved. These other enemies to lovers romances are compact. These people see each other on the daily and bicker and fight and encounter each other all the time and have time and time again to get through whatever they have against each other but gideon and harrow are not like that. They have so much history that culminates in the beginning of a multiple book long conflict that they cannot reconcile because it is physically impossible and will probably only be resolved at the end of the last book in the series. Other enemies to lovers romances are sustained by continuous moments in what will become a shared history but griddlehark is a history that has doomed them before anything could even happen. So if u are reading gtn and thinking gideon is being a little harsh towards harrow and why is this different than everything youve read previously and is this rly for me you have 2 options 1. Forsake any comfort you have with the enemies to lovers trope and go balls to the walls and accept that the romance you are experiencing probably wont be resolved for another real life year or 2. Tap out and read smth else <3

[blueiscoool]

Ancient Egypt's 'Screaming' Mummy May Have Died in Agony

It is a startling image from ancient Egypt - a mummy discovered during a 1935 archaeological expedition at Deir el-Bahari near Luxor of a woman with her mouth wide open in what looks like an anguished shriek.

Scientists now have an explanation for the "Screaming Woman" mummy after using CT scans to perform a "virtual dissection." It turns out she may have died in agony and experienced a rare form of muscular stiffening, called a cadaveric spasm, that occurs at the moment of death.

The examination indicated that the woman was about 48 years old when she died, had lived with mild arthritis of the spine and had lost some teeth, said Cairo University radiology professor Sahar Saleem, who led the study published on Friday in the journal Frontiers in Medicine.

Her body was well-preserved, being embalmed roughly 3,500 years ago during ancient Egypt's glittering New Kingdom period using costly imported ingredients such as juniper oil and frankincense resin, Saleem added.

The ancient Egyptians viewed preservation of the body after death as crucial to secure a worthy existence in the afterlife. It was customary during the mummification process to remove the internal organs, aside from the heart, but this had not occurred with this woman.

"In ancient Egypt, the embalmers took care of the dead body so it would look beautiful for the afterlife. That's why they were keen to close the mouth of the dead by tying the jaw to the head to prevent the normal postmortem jaw drop," Saleem said.

But the quality of the embalmment ingredients "ruled out that the mummification process had been careless and that the embalmers had simply neglected to close her mouth. In fact, they mummified her well and gave her expensive funerary apparels - two expensive rings made of gold and silver and a long haired-wig made from fibers from the date palm," Saleem added.

"This opened the way to other explanations of the widely opened mouth - that the woman died screaming from agony or pain and that the muscles of the face contracted to preserve this appearance at the time of death due to cadaveric spasm," Saleem said. "The true history or circumstances of the death of this woman are unknown, hence the cause of her screaming facial appearance cannot be established with certainty."

Cadaveric spasm, a poorly understood condition, occurs after severe physical or emotional suffering, with the contracted muscles becoming rigid immediately following death, Saleem said.

"Unlike postmortem rigor mortis, cadaveric spasm affects only one group of muscles, not the entire body," Saleem added.

Asked whether the woman may have been embalmed while alive, Saleem added, "I don't believe that this is possible."

Saleem was unable to determine how the woman died, saying, "We frequently cannot determine the cause of death in a mummy unless there is CT evidence of fatal trauma." Saleem cited evidence of a fatal head injury, slit neck and heart disease in three royal mummies.

The "Screaming Woman" was found at the site of the ancient city of Thebes during excavation of the tomb of a high-ranking official named Senmut, the architect, overseer of royal works and reputed lover of queen Hatshepsut, who reigned from 1479-1458 BC.

The mummy was inside a wooden coffin in a burial chamber beneath Senmut's family tomb. Her identity has not been determined but her jewelry - the gold and silver rings with images of scarab beetles, a symbol of resurrection, made of the gemstone jasper - showed her socioeconomic status.

Two scarab rings found in the coffin of the screaming woman.

"She was likely a close family member to be buried and share the family's eternal resting place," Saleem said.

The study revealed details of her wig. Its spiral braids were treated with the minerals quartz, magnetite and albite to harden them and provide the black color indicative of youth. Her natural hair had been dyed with henna and juniper oil.

A number of ancient mummies, in Egypt and the Americas, have been found with facial expressions resembling a scream - eerily similar to Norwegian painter Edvard Munch's "The Scream."

"I use this painting in my public lectures about the screaming mummies," Saleem said.

By Will Dunham.

[hardlypartying]

girl i feel like you're tired of getting this but you should be in that writers room for obx hahaha you expanded riara in such a way that your character study of them is canon to me now fr

in a way it's good because they ended up making the characters so shallow these last seasons that you have a lot of room to work with hahaha but seriously I can't stop thinking about when or if they find the pogues what they'll think about Kiara's transformation as she continuously steps into this never explored before side of her and also Rafe's side

Are you kidding me?? I’m constantly nervous about what I put out there so hearing anything remotely positive makes my heart soar— let alone you guys thinking my writing is quality enough for me to be in the writers room 😭 That does me in every time and is a compliment of the highest order! Thank you for liking my exploration of the characters and engaging with them like this, my favourite part of writing is 100% chatting with y’all and hearing your thoughts!!

You’re so right in saying that the canon OBX material leaves a lot to work with. I see headcanons that add so much needed depth to the characters that would make the show so much better, some people’s characterization actually gets me giddy for the show?? The fans are magic I swear.

As for Kiara’s development (maybe dénouement) in silver spoons; the Pogues’ reaction will be exactly as you expect it to be lmao. The situation they reunite is under… unfavourable circumstances… it will not be a good time for anyone. Kiara’s on the road to becoming someone they could never phantom as being the same person they know as their friend.

Kiara, I think, is someone who hates to fit in any sort of box. My personal belief is that her activism is something genuine, yes, but also something she intentionally uses to be a contrarian and provoke those around her. I find her high and mighty attitude as a way to get her true argumentative itch out, she’s someone who needs to get a rise out of people because she’s quick to anger and needs to prove others are as well. Lots of guilt and shame around that and no healthy path to healing found lol. It’s part of the reason why her and Rafe are such a compelling pair, because them being together is nuclear. Their pride drives them forward in the most toxic way possible.

Anyway, when Sofia starts getting concerned about her during the phone call, it pushes Kiara further towards Rafe because she’s someone where if somebody tells her not to do something she’ll do it out of spite thinking it gives her more control. I have another scene coming up to highlight this bc she’s really thrown by people thinking she doesn’t have any agency in her relationship(?) with Rafe. This pattern will repeat until she hopefully realizes that her motivations are somewhat vapid and the bullshit she’s doing out of spite isn’t always the best thing to establish her values. And her gaining this perspective is through being thrown in the deep end of things, not very gentle or gracefully but neither is she. Relating it back to her reunion with the Pogues— their disapproval is only going to do one thing and it isn’t getting her to hate him again hehe. But also at that point there’s just so much history and shared trauma between her and Rafe that anyone who’s coming in to say shit really can’t, there’s no grounds for them to speak on what Kiara should do/who she should be.

[kafus]

i’ve been DID fakeclaimed before and i’m thinking about it again bc of how ridiculous it is because it’s always been due to expressing joy. like god forbid after 3 years of DID therapy (yes i have a DID therapist and have been professionally diagnosed for over 3 years) sometimes i enjoy my alters’ presences and want to talk about them or draw them cause i’ve spent so damn long building communication and learning to love myself (and my alters are “myself”)

it is downright shitty to expect a person w DID to be miserable and closed off about their condition forever as “proof” they have the disorder. you also don’t know the whole story from what someone posts online. like yes i am way more likely to post cute art of me and ayano than tell you the details of how my grandfather sexually abused me and conditioned me to have amnesia! i am pretty damn sure anyone would rather share the former! jesus christ! i do not owe you my trauma history to not have my happy DID artwork posted to f/kedis//rdercr/-nge or whatever!

anyways those posts r gone now and i obviously trust the opinion of my therapist more than internet strangers, it does not trigger denial in me, it just really irritates me how cruel people can be to folks with DID under the supposed guise of “protecting people who ACTUALLY have the disorder” fakeclaiming helps Literally no one if you think someone is faking just don’t interact w their shit and focus your energy on helping people you believe or whatever. but maybe reevaluate why you think people are faking in the first place because you may be bitter that people are happy despite their circumstances or projecting juust a little

[skylinesnsunshines]

he might not have agreed to it but sadly it just how it is and bambam and many idols kinda have to accept that its what they set out to do. this is going to sound unfair on him but i find the way idols are both chronically online AND then oversharing making their young fans concerned and unable to help their idols from behind a screen very iffy. its not like he hasnt got access to health care to help him overcome his struggles but i also see that hes further pushing an unhealthy realiance on him and his fans. its not like him meeting a person at random in a more romantic setting and having them "fix" his issues or what he feels he lacks in which is clearly romance. I get it but at the same time I dont because like I say ppl r chronically online too much, idols seem to have an overreliance on young folk to make themselves feel better which just doesnt bode well.

I think unless he is physically incapable or has some chronic long term illness then posting on social media is not justifyable it seems like a harsh thing to do for his audience and even for those closest to him as well must feel a constant need to check up on him. again he could start with appreciating the ppl he does have that are willingly checking up on him and such. if anything i think kpop idols would benefit from no social media during hiatus instead of leading fans on to worry abt whether their faves are having a breakdown or not.

i understand your perspective and some parts are true (for example the obligation because this is his job and the social media hiatus). still, i think it's also fair to say that unfortunately, we don't know bambam on a personal level. for all we know this could be due to his romance or other business ventures. it's understandable to feel that it's unfair for him to share and rely on people around him or his fans to check up on him but imo that just shows the mindset that he's going through something. for all we know we don't know about his medical history or personal circumstances that have potentially impacted how he feels. this is just my opinion, but i feel some kpop idols might have a skewed perspective of how to deal with these thoughts because from what I've observed, korean culture really encourages them to persist no matter the circumstance. so they probably have a lot of trauma that has been buried because they always need to put their work first. now since the times are changing, adapting to that is probably a very difficult thing and i can't imagine going from seeing and working with 6 other people almost every single day to dealing with everything yourself. in addition to the fact that bam left thailand at an incredibly young age, and him no longer being able to rely to his seniors in got7 must be a lot to digest. speaking from experience, i do believe that it would be more beneficial to deal with your mental health issues in a private matter but i understand that other people might not hold the same perspective bc people like bam who grew up in the spotlight might feel differently. i just think there's a lot of nuance when it comes to situations like this and we shouldn't be too hasty when it comes to deciding on what we think is right/wrong. thank you for sharing your thoughts anon!

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

ok well obviously I love pretty much everything you write. duh. but my personal favourite that I always come back to is Like the Blind Man. and not NOT just bc of the surprise Braxmana stuff that literally sent me over the edge when I first read it sdkjfhkshf. it's such a good exploration of Romana's emotional and mental state after returning from her imprisonment!! she's trying so hard to be normal but she'll never be able to go back to what she's trying to be as "normal" again!!! and LEELAAAAAAAAA showing up out of nowhere and seeing her and their instant connection even tho they barely talk to one another (and the HAIR CUTTING SCENEEE SDKJFHKSDHFKSDHFJ). and yes. also the Braxmana. bc I have FEELINGS about them ok??? there is so Much to their relationship and I love how you framed it in that fic. neither of them quite know what to do about the other but they both know they're essential to the other's survival and so. they're stuck in this weird limbo place where they just can't go forward or back. and sometimes things Happen but they can't acknowledge them ever bc that would be Breaking the Rules that they've set for themselves within whatever bizarre codependent slightly-toxic circular manipulative Thing they've got going on. aaaaaaaaaa.

not to sound egotistic or anything but Like the Blind Man is LITCHRALLY my magnum opus I think. like... that is. THE fic of mine in my head mayhaps. because DW/the DWEU was really the first fandom I truly engaged with and was SO foundational, so LTBM is a foundational fic in my writing history??? I hope that doesn't sound weird akskskdnfkskcnsk

Romana's Etra Prime trauma is SO important like that is a CORE aspect of who she is in the Gallifrey series (which is why season 6 made me absolutely insane; I didn't expect them to ACTUALLY ADDRESS IT, let alone THAT directly) and there's so much to explore. Brax is the last person she should trust but the only person she CAN trust just left and Brax is the closest thing to trustworthy she has. and I think, at this specific point in time, just this once, for her... he IS trustworthy. but only for her and only this once.

it's a very specific set of circumstances and really the only way anything like what I wrote could ever happen. immense vulnerability, but not so much that it truly becomes dangerous. even then, never that. and Leela!!!! Leela Leela Leela, willing to cry for those who can't or won't, willing to cut the hair of a woman she doesn't even know and who is the linchpin of allowing her life on Gallifrey to continue. these two, often quiet, observational women who share one thing, one person in common and nothing else, not yet, finding each other before they will actually fully find each other. again: very specific circumstances required to bring them together, just for a moment.

because it is the moment that those connections are most needed.

(the fic we're talking about, for reference!)

[synthwwavve]

i don't have any bo hcs myself (at least not yet) and i enjoy your hcs!! someone i used to follow on twt portrayed her as a traumatized person who would be a good person if not for everything that happened. and i always kind of rocked with it bc i haven't seen tcw (i have seen rebels) but i like your take on her better. i think it makes more sense with mando culture as well. Mandalorians are nothing if not Absolutely Completely Committed to their understanding of the creed. so while yes Bo went through some fucked up shit that def affected her I can't see her being any other way

Omg thank you!! Seriously this means so much to me and makes me so happy ^^

But yes I totally agree, I'm glad that was your takeaway from my headcanons because that's exactly how I view her background and who she is as a person, and I wasn't sure if I fully communicated what I was trying to say!

I feel like she's definitely a case where maybe tragic things happened to her that messed her up/contributed to the path she ended up on, but not in the sense that she was a victim of circumstance completely at the mercy of outside forces. (I feel like I bitch about this constantly but that characterization of her just doesn't interest me.) I feel like she absolutely chose/voluntarily carried out most of the negative or destructive views she held or acts she committed.

I headcanon her situation as being a case of how a fairly privileged person can end up radicalized into an extreme ideology based on their reaction to mostly perceived/exaggerated slights or oppression, and through being socially isolated except for seeking out interaction only w. other people who share their extreme views, as we see often on the internet today.

Not that (imo in my headcanons) the newmandos did nothing wrong or were entirely on the right side of history, but my point being their wrongs were probably so much worse to someone with a reactionary worldview. Also I HC for Bo specifically a lot of her hate was initially rooted in dysfunction with her sister, a lot of which is tbh vindictive and one-sided on her side towards Satine.

All in all yes, my reading of her is a person who experienced traumas that contributed to, but didn't cause, her to turn to extremist nationalism or to generally be hostile, low-empathy, prejudiced, machiavellian etc etc. It's just her personality and who she is. And if you have spent five seconds on my blog you know I absolutely mean all of those things affectionately because she's so interesting to me and the fact that she's kind of a bastard is what makes her interesting imo!!

Anyway thanks again for the ask and I'm glad you enjoyed my headcanons, believe me I'm always happy to talk about them lol

[joneswuzhere]

hello join me in thinking about some books and authors that are, or might be, part of s5′s intertextuality

5.10 in particular offered specific shout outs, and also u know i’m always wondering what might be ahead so i have some ideas on that:

- first, as mentioned in a previous ask post, i know i wasn’t alone in keeping an eye out for 5.10 parallels to the lost weekend (1945) the film that gave episode 1.10 its name and several themes - or to the 1944 book by charles r jackson which the film is based on

- s5 has not been shy about revisiting earlier seasons, especially s1. altho i feel that 1.10′s parallels to the lost weekend centered characters other than jughead (mostly betty), a 1.10-5.10 connection involving jughead and themes from jackson’s story (addiction, writers block, self reflection) seemed v possible if not inevitable

- but like,, , for a hot minute after the ep, i was really stumped on understanding how anything from the book or film could apply, even tho the pieces were almost all there

- jackson’s protagonist don birnam goes thru and comes out the other side of a harrowing days-long drinking binge that could be compared to jughead’s one-night hallucinogenic writing retreat

- but jughead is struggling primarily with traumatic memories, not addiction and self control like birnam. and tho drinking activates birnam’s creativity, it paralyzes his writing as he gets lost in fantasies; he’s never published anything. jughead’s drug trip recreates circumstances that already helped him write one successful book. even the rat that startles him mid-high doesn’t line up with birnam’s withdrawal vision of a dying mouse, symbolic of his horror at his own self-destruction thru alcohol

- and maybe the most visible discordance: in the film there’s a romantic motif around a typewriter. first it’s an object of shame; birnam’s failure to write, tied up with his drinking, makes him flee his relationship. he tries to pawn the typewriter for booze money and finally a gun when shooting himself feels easier than getting sober. but with the help of relentless encouragement from girlfriend helen, he quits drinking, commits to her, and focuses on typing out the story he’s dreamt of writing. rd goes so far to avoid setting any comparable scenario that jughead has brought a wholeass printer into the bunker so there can still be a physical manuscript to cover in blood by the end, even without his own typewriter. the subtle detail of his laptop bg image is a little less noticeable than his avoidance of betty’s gift

- tabitha might be closer to a parallel than jughead is, but she’s still no helen. both refuse to take advantage of the inebriated men in their care, but birnam takes advantage of helen, financially and emotionally. jughead refused a loan from the tate family and now has resolved to deal with his shit before he considers a relationship with tabitha. instead of helen’s relentless and unwelcomed attempts to get birnam sober, tabitha reluctantly agrees to help jughead trip safely bondage escape notwithstanding. she even helps him get the drugs.

- whatever potentials exist for parallels to jackson’s story, they were not explored for this episode. ok so why tf am i even talking about this? what was there instead?

-  i have arrived at the point

- s5 has been revisiting s1, not directly but with a twist. and jughead’s agent samm pansky is back. u may recall, pansky is named for sam lansky

- jughead’s trip-thru-trauma is a story device tapped straight from lansky’s book ��broken people’

- lansky is like if a millenial john rechy wrote extremely LA-flavored meta but just about himself no jk very like a modern successor to charles r jackson. both play with the boundary between memoir and fiction. lansky is gay; jackson wrote his lost weekend counterpart as closeted and remained closeted himself until only a few years before his death. both write with emotional clarity and self-scrutiny on the experiences of addiction, sobriety, and the surrounding issues of shame and self worth

- i feel like a fool bc after this ep i had been thinking about de quincey and his early writings on addiction (c.1800s), but i failed to carry the thought in the other direction, to contemporary writers in the genre, to make this connection sooner

- lansky’s second book, broken people, follows narrator ‘sam’, mid-20s, super depressed, hastled by his agent to write a decent follow-up to his first book, but too busy struggling with his self-worth and baggage from several past relationships. desperate, he takes up an offer to visit a new age shaman who promises to fix everything wrong with him in a matter of days. not to over simplify it but he literally spends a weekend doing psychedelics and hallucinating about his exes. jughead took note

- unless u want me to hurl myself into yet another dissertation about queer jughead, i think his parallel to sam - who, unlike jughead, has considerable financial privilege and whose anxieties center on body dysmorphia, hiv scares, and his own self-centeredness - pretty much ends there

- But,, the gist of the book could not be more harmonius with a major theme shared by the 2 films that inform the actual hallucination part of jughead’s bunker scene: mentally reframing past relationships to get closure + confronting trauma head-on in order to move forward

- so that’s neat. what other book and author stuff was in 5.10?

- stephen king and raymond carver get name dropped. i’m passingly familiar with them both but u bet i just skimmed their wiki bios in case anything relevant jumped out

- like jughead, carver was a student (later a lecturer) at the iowa writers workshop. also the son of an alcoholic and one himself

- i recall carver’s ‘what we talk about when we talk about love’ is what jughead was reading in 2.14 ‘the hills have eyes’ after he finds out about the first time betty kissed archie (at that time he does not respond as would any of carver’s characters)

- this collection of carver stories deals especially with infidelity, failings of communication, and the complexities and destructiveness of love. to unashamedly quote the resource that is course hero, ‘carver renders love as an experience that is inherently violent bc it produces psychic and emotional wounds.’ very fun to wonder about the significance of this collection within the s2 episode and in jughead’s thoughts. and maybe now in the context of the s5 state of relationships. or, at least, the state of jughead’s writing as seen by his agent

- anyway pansky doesn’t want carver, he wants stephen king

- i have too much to say about gerald’s game in 5.10, that’s getting its own post someday soon

- lol wait king’s wife is named tabitha uhhh king’s wiki reminded me of his childhood experience that possibly inspired his short story ‘the body’ (+1986 movie ‘stand by me’) when he ‘apparently witnessed one of his friends being struck and killed by a train tho he has no memory of the event’

- no mention of that in this rd episode but memories of a train could be interesting to consider with the imagery that intrudes on jughead’s hallucination. i still feel like it was a truck but the lights and sounds he experiences may be a train

- ok now we’re in the speculation part of today’s segment

- if jughead’s traumatic memory involves trains, then it’s possible this plot will take influence from la bête humaine <- this 1938 movie is based on the 1890 novel by french writer émile zola. this story deals with alcoholism and possessive jealousy in relationships, sometimes leading to murder. huh, kind of like carver. zola def comes down on the nature side of the nature-vs-nuture bad seed question (tho i should say he approaches this with great or maybe just v french compassion). also i can’t tell if this is me reaching but, something about la bête humaine reminds me of king’s ‘secret window’ which we’ve observed to be at least a style influence on jughead post time jump

- but wow a late-19th century french writer would be a random thing to drop into this season, right? then again zola also wrote about miners, which we’ve learned are an important part of this town’s history + whatever hiram is up to this time.  and most notably, zola wrote ‘j’accuse...!’ an open letter in defense of a soldier falsely accused and unlawfully jailed for treason: alfred dreyfus. archie’s recent army trouble comes to mind.

- since the introduction of old man dreyfuss (plausibly Just a nod to close encounters actor richard dreyfuss, but also when is anything in this show Just one thing) i’ve been wondering if these little things could add up to a season-long reference to zola’s writings. but i had doubts and didn’t want to speak on it too soon bc, u know, it’s weird but is it weird enough for riverdale??

- however,,,

- (come on, u knew where i was going with this)

- a24′s film zola just came out. absolutely no relation to the french writer, it’s not based on a book but an insane and explicit twitter thread by aziah ‘zola’ wells about stripping and? human trafficking?? this feels ripe for rd even outside the potentials here for the lonely highway/missing girls plot.

- that would add up to a combination of homage that feels natural to this show

- anyway pls understand i’m just having fun speculating, most of this is based on nothing more concrete than the torturous mental tendril ras has hooked into my skull pls let go ras pls let go

[cosmosrival]

there it is! kama interlude analysis by a kama fan!

WELL. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE TITLE: this is just my own thoughts!! youre free to think whatever u want !! i am just putting my own knowledge into words because i genuinely love kama, and i would like for kama’s depth to be understood by the NA fandom a little more!! i try to stay as close as possible to their character in everything i do because i believe that the more in character they are, the funnier/more interesting content ppl will produce. 

and hopefully i understood them well ???!!!! HOPEFULLY ?!

i will be screenshotting the translated reddit post under this read more and stop whenever something i find interesting to develop pops up ! or else it’ll get way too long lol if you wanna read the interlude for yourself heres the link!

with that said, let’s go!!

kama’s interlude begins with guda passing the hell out because of exhaustion and then waking up in a dream sequence where kama treats them to some relaxing adventures, stuff to take their mind off heavy things!! first dream sequence is kama roleplaying a highschool setting where they’re dating.

i like this because they openly admit that its an illusion, breaking the immersion but as long as youre okay with roleplaying, they’ll continue it LOL  at some point, caesar mentions the student council president and arjuna appears behind him 

since this is an illusion that kama made, i’ve been wondering about the fact that the way servants conduct eachother in this interlude is mostly because that’s how kama envisions they would act in a highschool setting, in an amusement park and finally with eachother (mostly for confirmed couples such as siegbryn, consort yu and her hubby etc...). suzuka and sei being gyarus is obvious, but arjuna as the student council president... is so cute???!!! i MEAN IT FITS ?! THATS A GREAT IDEA KAMA!!!! ANYWAY

this is kama’s first monologue and since they’re primarily the god of lust, all of the more vanilla stuff they mentions such as sharing a pair of headphones embarrasses them since its so tame. ITS CUTE !!! kama expects you to be horny in class !! what are you doing thinking about hand holding !!! medusa saves u from that tho with a direct reference to her relationship with kama’s vessel 

this is interesting !! and reassuring !!! i think that kama as a character has a lot of depth and just reducing them to “sakura” would be a waste and this interlude shows how different they are from her. but they’re also similar! sakura went through a lot just like medusa says and kama does have trauma related to shiva. its not the same circumstances but the same kind of suffering which explains the nuance here. and what i like about chaldea is that there’s been multiple instances where its been proven that servants can grow thanks to their relationships with guda (most common example: leveling up your bonds) BUT ALSO, saint graph evolution (alts). and as a kama fan i’d like to see them happy someday and this interlude as a whole is proof of their healing/coping because of the time they spent in chaldea and how they interact with others. more on that later ! here, they don’t recognize medusa which is normal since they’re not sakura (someone else entierly), but...

they care about her ! because of sakura’s influence being a part of the servant called Kama(assassin). the difference here is important !! but i’ll come back on this in a bit. quick mention to the greek cupid <3 kamadusa nation we were fed (i clap by myself because im the only one who has 57575757557 kama rarepairs-----)

kama is a delinquent whos horny in class but still takes a few notes, enough to do well on their tests! and thats tea<3 smart horny lazyass !! theyre a gift

SO ARJUNA WAS OUT FOR BLOOD ????? ANYWAY, this is right after the actual fight against weirdo terrorists, and im happy to know that kama DOES enjoy a good fight (as proven in their voicelines as well) but theyre not a farming unit because it’d be too much work (single target NP..)...!!!!!!! lavish god of love.... 

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYY THE REAL DEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! “it feels wonderful to be your girlfriend” christ, kamadeva was so used to being a husband and a good lover, it reflected in their servant version.... but ree what do u mean by servant version???

I MEAN THE OBVIOUS !! kama explains it very well in the screenie just above ! 

“You know very well how servants work.”

KAMA ASSASSIN (the servant in your chaldea) is neither KAMADEVA or SAKURA MATOU or MARA. they’re a MIX OF PARTS OF THE THREE. creating an entierly new person(in this case, servant) !!!! it might sound like i’m repeating myself, but this is important!!!!!!!!! i will say this multiple times so people remember it !!! and if u already had this figured out: GOOD JOB I LOVE U !!!

Kamadeva (the god) has many stories, ones where he was born from concepts (dharma and shraddha), one where his parents are brahma and sarasvati, one where his parents are vishnu and lakshmi, stories about his reincarnation after his death where his parents are krishna and rukmini, his love with Rati and so on. We all know Sakura’s backstory since this is nasuverse. And Mara is a demon, an entity that tried to corrupt Buddha and prevent him from reaching enlightenment/stray from the path. Kama assassin has parts from all of these entities which explains why they have a vague longing for Rati, why they have a soft spot for Medusa and why they have an affinity with Kiara(and also like talking about corrupting u !). 

they then mention how a japanese highschool setting is fun and all i have to say is: i’m gonna make an indo fam delinquent vs student council au out of this one folks !!!!!!!! i gotta !!! 

OK next

TIME FOR THE SECOND DREAM SEQUENCE WHICH I WAS VERY VERY VERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY AFRAID OF BEFORE THE TRANSLATION CAME OUT.

THE PART WHERE KAMA ACTS LIKE YOUR CHILD.

well with their stage 1 it was expected but without the translation i have to say that i was scared shitless! because people hate thinking! and even if kama clearly tells you that it’s a charade, u know a JOKE. A DREAM SEQUENCE. DONT BE A CREEP. KAMA INTENDED FOR IT TO BE WHOLESOME. i know some ppl wont use their brains. but u know its fgo and degenerates are everywhere. 

anyways. family bonding time ensues until another monologue appears!!

exactly like before, kama mentions myths that belonged to kamadeva. Meaning that the Kama in our chaldea isn’t the Kamadeva we know and is not Pradyumna either but the fact that the writers chose to have kama acknowledge it is very reassuring !!! Because it means that they’ve chosen to make it a part of their (complicated) history. Kama says that Pradyumna is the myth about themself they know the least, once again proving us that the Kama in our Chaldea (Assassin) is a different entity and that they were summoned to the throne upon their death, the moment they were burned by Shiva’s flames and became Ananga, in any case they’re still familiar with all of their own myths. it allows us to keep heroic spirits separate from their original myths. Obviously! And in the case of pseudo-servants, it allows us to keep them separate from their vessels. Cuz this is a fanservice japanese game. Andddd the fandom likes forgetting this fact quite a lot i’ve noticed. As a person who loves thinking about tons and tons of headcanons for fun, this allows us a lot of space ! Because this is fate/grand order at its base. Nasuverse. 

I’m glad that the interlude explains it so clearly, it’s very good !! Because the majority of myths from every culture are confusing, family trees are confusing, names are confusing, powers and attributes are confusing... its a mess !!!! the fgo characters we know are just cut from their own respective timelines/historial figures so the writers can organize themselves more easily. Like cutting halves from a big cake. Kama (Assassin) is the Kama that died from Shiva’s flames and became the universe ONLY. In Nasuverse, Arthur Pendragon is a woman. Anastasia Romanov NEVER had a demon familiar named Viy in real life despite the creature being part of russian folklore. u know ! im russian i can testify dude !! 

hopefully everyone got this bc i wont be explaining this any further dude, its exhausting !!!!!! bangs my hands on the table !!!!! 

ANYWAYS kama mentions “eternal pain that turns [them] into ash” being their key element. Their trauma is at the center of their heroic spirit self, what they are as a servant. This suffering is tied to everything they do, why they’re so lazy, why they’re so lax, why they’re so detached from their job.  But they’re not detached from their role. And “job” and “role” have different connotations here. They refuse to work as a cupid because of obvious reasons. BUT. They’re not detached from their role as the God of Love, as the God of Passion. The embodiment of those feelings. This whole interlude is proof ! They’re giving u free therapy because they Love you. Passion. They feel your love. Passion. They acknowledge how much fun you’re having. How passionate you are about certain things. They might seem extremely detached and hateful, but they aren’t. They’re one of the most empathetic servants there is. And their ability to love everything, even the things they hate is what makes them so miserable. Because it’s a part of them. Because the concept of Kama in hinduism is linked to them. Be it lust or simply the passion born from anything you do where you’re enjoying yourself. (quote:  “ the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature “. R. Prasad (2008), History of Science, Philosophy and Culture in Indian Civilization )

... I’d like to say that this contrast with Mara is interesting. And that i’m glad the writers chose to add in Mara to the kama assassin Beast mix. 

Because the anger Mara feels can become a drivepoint for Kama. I’ve always believed that anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin, it’d explain how layered Kama is and how valid their emotions are. Constantly torn between love and hate. An eternal grudge (i don’t deserve to be hurt like this) and an eternal misery(maybe i do deserve to be hurt like this). 

i wish they were my roommate <3 oh fuck ree got emotional wait where were we.

OH YEAH

i think kama saying that they dislike being involved with other indian servants because theyre linked to shiva is a feeble attempt at trying to keep up a strong front because they still love them in the end. cuz that’s how kama is ! after a while they’ll get bored of bullying ganesha and ashwatthama. they’ll get interested in rama because their respective mythos are linked even if their servant selves have no connection. hell, at the end of the interlude they talk about parvati and how they themself changed and realized things. BUT OH WELL, THATS STUFF FOR ANOTHER POST HEHE thats just ree wanting kama to b happy yall move along !!

.....THIS ISNT A COLLEGE STUDENTS ROLEPLAY BUT ITS A CUTE JAPANESE COMPANY BOSS/UNDERLING SETTING AND ITS CUTE SO I THINK KAMA WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND POURING U ALCOHOL IS CUTE. CUTE.

further proof of kama’s overflowing affection and what i detailed above!! hopefully u all knew this one simply from reading this interlude/their profile page and dont need me to write it down for u. HOPEFULLY !!!!!

(I START BEATBOXING VERY RAPIDLY AND RUNNING TOWARDS YOU) KAMA IS A SADIST AT THEIR CORE AND I WILL NEVER STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re easy to fluster because theyre not used to being so vanilla, but whats underneath is how they truly are !! a beast turned servant, the sweetest sadist !! theyre very mature and this interlude is so well written (wipes my teears

this is directly linked to what i explained above, by burning you away, you’ll melt into nothingness just like they did. When they were the universe, they felt both everything and nothing. 

But was it really relief ... ?

... IT WASNT.

AND PARVATI SAVES THE DAY !!!!!!! phew!! thank u paru, it’d still like to be able to touch kama’s huge titties and i cant do that if i turn into ashes (falls down the stairs

ok she summoned lovey dovey canon couples to annoy kama since they’re exhausted of seein them!!

...............(I TAKE OUT A KNIFE) TAKE THAT BACK. DONT TALK TO THEM LIKE THAT. TAKE THAT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

ohhhhhh im obsessed i love when theyre angry<3 i love when theyre fighty <3 i think they should beat the living shit out of a boxing bag DAILY to let out some of this steam. they’d be a monster on the ring... aaa kama in training boot y shorts aa a .. .uughg hg ouu... (you all shove me into a locker)

ok this is interesting !! i think that the interlude showing us that parvati feels a semblance of guilt is character dev. proof for what i mentioned before!! in ookuu parvati felt quite ..unsympathetic to me, even if kama is a beast who wants to annihilate humanity, when u think about it, at their core their grudge is because of her and shiva’s betrayal. and here, she properly apologizes for making kama so upset. this is heartwarming to me since i dislike thinking that members of the indo fam hate eachother :( same goes for arjuna and karna, at some point i’d like for them to act like bros normally and finally be comfy. but anyways !!

u wake up from the dreams and da vinci, mashu and paru are here to tell u whats going on. But its fine bc u remember everything and u have to go thank someone for helping u out!!!

CUTE !!!!!!! THEY CARE ABOUT U !!!!!! but whether it be because of their role or because theres a deeper meaning is entierly up to your own interpretation because...

of what they say here. 

and here !! 

ohhhhhhhhh this is so important !!!!!!

this is actual proof of kama’s growth as a servant and how servants evolve in chaldea !! chaldea is not the same as a grail war, its a special, cut-off place and thats what makes it even more relaxing to think about. Everytime u summon a servant in ur chaldea u give them a chance to have fun with you, to have fun with other servants, to make amends, to start from scratch, to discover things they would’ve never known in their time (movies, video games, tons of different foods etc...), u give them a chance to relax. to grow !! this is the headcanon that im most attached to and im glad to see it be confirmed in the interlude of a character i love tbqh i had to stop and talk about that.

everyone say thank u kama !! can we roleplay a college roommate coffee shop slowburn au next time <3 

ANYWAYS if you’ve read it this far: thank you !!! im sorry if you expected something very serious, im not that type of person hehe im jus here to have fun and look at things i like, and the interlude itself was quite lighthearted and refreshing. By talking about the myths and all of kamadeva’s stories, the writers basically gave lore nerds a huge thumbs up like... “its ok now !! u can go ape now !! go be insane<3 love u<3″ and all of this kama characterization GENUINELY makes me so happy because i think they really needed that. kama assassin... (i blow a kiss to the sky) is a little mess of a servant... a god, human crumbs and a demon... a total mess... im in love with them...

..............tho now the wait for a summer alt where they interact with the entire indo fam begins (im sitting in a chair unmoving)(i have a gun in case minase begins acting gross

[goodluckbabe2024]

my friend i am here with the self insert oc sam parallel episode, i have a history exam tomorrow and i refuse to revise in favor of writing this. let me take you on a journey.

this is very self indulgent and spans kind of the entirety of the series (because im nosy and want to be involved in every cool plot) so im not gonna embarrass myself OR bore you but the general gist of the first episode is this:

i am an 18yr old psychic kid raised by a hunter, meeting the boys in s2 through a “my father was also murdered by a ghost of his past”, except he did not immediately assume i am the antichrist while i was an infant and raised me relatively normal, thus demonstrating that john winchester was a fucked up parent because he allowed himself to be.

i am what sam could’ve been and he is once again reminded that all he ever wanted was to be normal and loved and how that was taken away from him, unfairly. he is angry. he is jealous. he feels bad about being jealous because “her dad’s dead, what the fuck,man”. he wants me to be ok, ultimately, ofc he does, but he doesn’t understand why i got it, why he didn’t, why couldn’t john do it. this serves as more material for soul-searching bc i am a firm believer that understanding the circumstances of abuse and neglect and wrapping ur head around them helps lift the guilt we often burden ourselves with: it’s not that if sam had been a better son john would have loved him more, it’s that john refused to look at sam for what sam really was: a child wracked by generational trauma and unprocessed grief, whose autonomy was violated before he could say his first word, in need of love, and chose to instead look at sam through his own grief muddied goggles and link him to mary’s death. insane how this is turning into sam analysis isn’t it.

i am also angry because im still sort of a child but not really, not anymore, im on the cusp of adulthood and going into it knowing that the world is unfair and hateful, grief is written all over me and sam thinks oh nono, because hope’s kind of the whole point isn’t it, and i had it and now it has been taken from me along with my parent and sam feels so alone and furious with everything, he’s plagued by skull cracking demonic visions, and he doesn’t want this idealized version of himself to ultimately end up like the version of himself that he is now, the one he doesn’t understand, the one he’s afraid of. he’s looking in a weird funhouse mirror, sees a kid who was different like he was but was cherished, and sees her end up in the same position he is now: fatherless, on a quest for revenge. he thinks that if we get the monster of the week, ill be better and he’ll find his hope in that. all roads lead to rome but he wont allow this one to reach the colosseum (defying destiny theme, hello).

the monster of the week hunt begins thusly, with sam generally uncomfortable. i confide in him about my psychic abilities and i explain to the brothers that i can help. both are opposed, but i am a chaotic little bitch and get involved anyway. throughout my involvement, sam learns more about the world of psychic mediums and thinks aha! hope! maybe if i dig deep enough (whore for lore amirite babes) ill find someone who’s lived an experience similar to mine! miss oc what are ur book recs for “i think i am psychic and terrified of it” and i say “fear not nerd have a very small cup of coffee and let me tell you about this great college course on divination”. this is relevant because i wanted to see more of sam desperately trying to fit into some sort of community, even a community of supernatural folk john and dean might’ve disapproved of, and finding that, at this point in time, he does not. he’s an outsider to normal people, he’s an outsider to those in contact with the paranormal. really hammer in that freak (affectionate) tagline. (he WILL build a safe haven in the men of letters bunker for all misfits in his adulthood, party city wig sam i do NOT perceive you)

the hunt culminates in an impressive showdown that includes the following: pyrotechnics, a cool spell, seeing things that aren’t really there, the power of friendship and a butter knife thrown like a frisbee. at the end we all look like final girls because im gay so blood is sexy. sam, who has come to regard me like a younger sibling/some sort of manifestation of his inner child, learns what it’s like to be deeply concerned with a youth’s safety and has a heart to heart with dean about how yeah, handling a teenager with incredible amounts of simmering rage and unprocessed grief while being barely equipped for any guardian-like role IS hard, man, is this what it felt like every time i busted out a batshit plan last minute and barely executed it in time to survive??? “yeah. bitch” “jerk.”

the epilogue is as follows: we see sam feeling many complicated things, but he is satisfied for the moment. we have a little heart to heart while laying flowers on my father’s grave. we both look a little worse for wear, but hopeful. “what’re you gonna do now?” “im not sure. college, maybe?” we keep in touch. i go on to art school and make homoerotic art pieces, as is my right. i make guest appearances whenever they need a deus ex machina bs spell to get out of trouble.

maybe in later seasons i go a little ape shit and commit some magical atrocities in the name of the greater good. maybe i get a little antagonized and he gets to offer me the understanding he couldn’t get when he needed it. i see you, sam, treating all misfits in later seasons with kindness, and i offer you a claire-like parallel to be there for through the tough times, thus healing some of your own wounds. everyone deserves an angsty wlw teenager to bond with . (i am only on season 9 of my rewatch and i have not seen seasons 12-15 in their entirety, if he does get one im not disrespecting that character and i love them probably)

the boys hit the road. vienna by billy joel plays, because it makes me feel things.

Slow down you're doing fine

You can't be everything you want to be before your time

Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight

Too bad, but it's the life you lead

You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need

Though you can see when you're wrong

You know you can't always see when you're right

You got your passion, you got your pride

But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?

Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true

When will you realize... Vienna waits for you?

end scene.

this is poetry. i will cherish this forever thank you for sharing with me and good luck on your exam

[ziracona]

Might be to early to ask but do you think the Twins, or at least Charlotte, are redeemable? And how does Elodie interact with the group

Yeah, definitely. According to the new canon, Charlotte thinks/sees the survivors as the cultists who tortured her and her brother and got Victor killed. She got some people killed and killed some when stealing food, in self-dense (ish, since well, she was robbing. But imo if you’re starving and break in & someone attacks you you’re still acting in self defense basically) or in a panic. Which isn’t great, but she’s not evil and she lived a scared and fucked up life and has no reason to expect anybody won’t be like the people who burned her mom alive as a witch or tortured her and her brother. She’s one of the feral killers, all of whom I think are quite redeemable. Like most of them, it’d probably take a /lot/ of work to get her to give anyone enough of a chance to recognize anything good in them at all or be reached, or would take some extreme circumstances, but it definitely could happen. And the poor girl deserves some rehabilitation and love and help. : (

Victor, on the other hand, is harder to parse. As far as I can tell, from how the lore reads, he’s not actually Victor. If he was, I’d put him in the same camp as Charlotte. But since he’s almost definitely not, I see it playing out one of two ways. Since Victor is like I am 80% sure something the Entity made, like the crows but way more evil and destructive, and intelligent enough to be able to follow orders well and convince Charlotte he’s who he’s pretending to be, either any attempt to rehabilitate or befriend Charlotte ends with her having to eventually confront both her brother’s real death, which she never did even when he was a corpse hanging off her, finally come to terms and be at peace with it and love him but let him go and find a way to keep living, plus an epic showdown with Fake Victor and rejection of the lies the Entity fed her and it’s using her and fake paradise and fulfilled dream, in a kinda big “You call boats she, Georgie” moment for her, or.

Option #2, which I like just as much. In which, while an evil intentioned extension of the Entity like the crows, Victor is a living being, created construct or no, and makes better choices. We know from the crows that the Entity living creations are still alive in and of themselves and have some amount of free will, proven in that crows like Jake to the point crows will listen to Calm Spirit over Spies From the Shadows and ignore their singular created purpose in order to protect him. And I see no reason Victor couldn’t eventually, created to be feral and vicious and cruel or no, grow attached to the sister he pretends to know and love who loves him so utterly and truly, and he does get to know. I’m sure she, like Jake is to the crows, is infinitely kinder and better to him than the Entity is. And see no reason, especially as something made with human levels of cognition and processing, he couldn’t decide to try to help her/choose her and anyone she allied with or anyone else who happened to be genuinely kind enough to him to matter, over the Entity. And Charlotte would still have to confront her real brother’s death and I’m sure the deception would be awful, but as something treated like she was created to be a monster her whole life, I think she’d have empathy for something created for that exact purpose that just wanted to love her and have a family and a normal life and be better than what people said, and I think they could be the start of a real sweet found family together.

Can’t decide which I like better though. Maaaybe two, because I’m such a sucker for any construct/robot/golem/clone/monster gains sentience/humanity/free will and self narratives. They’re just *chef kiss* SO good. :’-] But god, the epic showdown drama of #1. Especially with a This is the Bad Place evil grin of “Oh hell yes I am not Victor and I love this game I’ve been playing” mmm the mental cinematography. I keep trying to think of a way to just give him a really long redemption arc and do at least part of both, but they may work better as separate interpretations. Mmmm. 🤔 I’ll keep in it.

Anyway! That’s my thoughts on the twins. As for Élodie, since she super lets David just die and doesn’t kick the little one off him, I’m gonna assume that while she has a lot of knowledge and experience with risky cult stuff, she’s not been in many actual high-pressure-high-danger situations, and has a really hard time adjusting initially. Probably watching her family get taken and having just been stabbed for the first time and almost died right before being taken, the initial PTSD trauma threshold is even higher than for most of them, and she’s super miserable. But I expect after a while, especially with all the survivors there with experience and empathy, she is able to hit a stride and get a little more practice and courage and comfort, and it gets easier. And when she breaks out of the freeze response to fight/flight/freeze, she gets very invested in the heavy research team stuff with Tapp/Claudette/Dwight/Zarina/Adam/Jane/Quentin/Cheryl/Felix, and is an invaluable contribution. I expect reuniting with Felix is awkward af, especially since while I have no idea if he blames her for the loss of his parents, I am sure she would assume he does, and probably she feels immense guilt for all of it. I don t he does though, or that if he does, he wouldn’t get over it pretty fast after watching how much she’s suffering. And I think after he reached out, they’d bond really well over their shared history and trauma, and it’d be really good emotionally for both of them. I have always HC’d since she’s from Montreal, Claudette speaks French too, so I think Élodie and she would get along well too, and enjoy being able to chat in a second language. And probably all the researchers would vibe pretty well with her. I think also if she had a really hard time initially adjusting, the specifically protective survivors (David, Tapp, Bill, Kate, Yui, Quentin, Zarina) would absolutely be all over trying to help her in trials and help her make it over the learning curves. Also, all the survivors attracted to ladies would think she’s hot (Sans Felix, who is a good man who’d never cheat on his wife, and Nancy, who I think is the only other one w a s/o back home?Kinda Quentin I guess but I mean like, a steady. And not the people more than twenty years her senior [Ace Ash Tapp Bill] bc they got boundaries. But still.) And I am sure Meg, Nea, and Feng in particular are living their best lives because have you seen her? Overall, I think she loosens up and has a good sense of humor and makes friends pretty well, although she can also snap to laser-focus on a subject with 0 warning and does, but it’s kinda awesome to watch.

[naramdil]

I'm sorry if this is intrusive, but do you think you need to carry and give birth to a child to love them? Or if you can't find the right partner, would you ever consider adopting? Do you think this feeling of wanting to be a mother is something that's truly inherent to your being or something ingrained to seem inherent as with so many women throughout history? I have complicated feelings about this and was wondering if you'd share your thoughts. If not, that's completely understandable.

no need to apologize, these are all things I think deeply about often and I don’t know I’ll be able to properly verbalize my thoughts but I will try lol. tl;dr: I have complicated feelings as well 

I don’t think you need to carry a child to love them, I think loving children isn’t innate for everyone and there are people who carry children who are not able to love them. I’m not sure why some people are able to connect to them and some aren’t, and I do think that some people learn to form that connection or to have that kind of love, even though it may not come as naturally to them as it might for others. there are some people who think they will love having children but then they don’t. which is why it’s so unhealthy that it’s a social norm to perpetuate the idea that everyone Must aspire to have children someday and that if they never have children they’ll lead a half baked life. 

I’ve always considered adoption even bearing in mind having a partner, just bc even though I Do want my own children bc I like the idea of having a child that is a mixture of me n my beloved, there are also so many children in the world that are just as deserving of a loving home and family and if that’s something my partner agrees with then I’d want to do that. the thing about adoption is that you have to be ready to take on the trauma and the difficulties that might come from raising a child who’s family and medical history you may never know about. (that’s still true even if you’re having your own children in that you don’t know what kinds of difficulties/challenges they will bring) I guess for me it’s so important to do justice by that child. which is also why I wouldn’t consider having a child if I didn’t have a partner to raise them with. if bc of some life circumstance I did end up having to raise a child on my own, that would be okay and I would make it work but that’s not my ideal set of circumstances? 

I’ve battled with this for a long time like, is this something I really want or just what I’ve been socialized to want? and I still don’t know the answer, I think a bit of both. I’m not going to pretend I’m immune to societal messaging but I also know that the things that I want have changed over time and before I was definitely not interested in having a partner or kids. whereas now I’m at a place in my life where I do want those things and I’m not seeking them out of desperation or to have a sense of purpose in my life. I also don’t want a partner Just for the purpose of having kids. idk, like I think that creating a life full of love and connection is inherent to my being, and being a mother is only one facet of that. I want it but I think I’m capable of living a full life even if I never become one, you know? 

[beyblaiddyd]

and also talk about claude and sylvain and claudevain for meme

claude: 

How I feel about this character: favorite . iconic. deserved to be in a much better game. fantastic but also a tragedy because first of all how is intsys ever going to like do better than claude. how will they come out with the next game and have characters . how will i ever move on from the fact claude exists. 

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: lorenz, sylvain, yuri, dimitri, dedue, ignatz, linhardt, hubert, raphael- 

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: i love the whole aunt thing judith does to claude it’s very fun. i also love his friendship with lysitheaaaa baby sheep time. 

My unpopular opinion about this character: he’s the only motherfucker in this place i respect 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: if you search the name claude on my blog surely you’ll find ou

Favorite friendship for this character: lysithea, probably hilda too if i fully black out what intsys wrote and didn’t think about, dedue, petra, dimitri, hapi, dorothea----

My crossover ship: claude and takumi walk into a room and put up walls so powerfully that they create a literal physical barrier between one another asmr ? much to think about 

sylvain: 

How I feel about this character: deeply love him. obviously there’s tensions about him but i feel like he’s a really well written and rounded character who for the Most part is given a lot o fcomplexities to his circumstances. i also want to hug him

Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character: dimitri, felix, claude, dedue, lorenz, hubert, yuri- im doing it again

My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character: i do like to some degree his relationship with ingrid i just wish it had been . written better

My unpopular opinion about this character: he is Not a bastard but he is also not perfect

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i wish his trauma had actually been addressed and that he (along with everyone else) had actually been given some degree of agency in the story

Favorite friendship for this character: Dorothea 

My crossover ship: hard to choose bc there’s so many good options but i did just imagine libra having to talk to this man

claudevain: 

When I started shipping them: the second i realized they both had fronts up before i even saw the parallels being acknowledged i knew 

My thoughts: they have a really good dynamic i love the idea of them slowly relaxing around and coming to trust and opening up to one another.

What makes me happy about them: despite their parallels they are also very good foils for one another in a lot of ways so they can help to fill in each other’s insecurities and they’re both very loving people 

What makes me sad about them: Their Traumas 

Things done in fanfic that annoys me/Things I look for in fanfic: i refuse to read fanfic if it’s not written by like one of three people

My wishlist: i want sylvain to very tenderly kiss claude’s knuckle 

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: see Above Ramblings about ships

My happily ever after for them: motivated by their shared conversations and research into the history of fodlan, they band together with edelgard and dimitri to take down the church of seiros and overturn the crest system. sylvain gets to tell his dad to fuck off. claude proposes to him and they’re happily wed in a new world without crests. 

[violet-bookmark]

The temple at Landfall, by Jane Fletcher

"Lynn is an imprinter, one chosen by the Goddess to receive her greatest gift, that of creating new life. So why does she feel like a prisoner in the Temple?

When Lynn learns that she is to be relocated to the temple at Landfall, the arduous journey seems more like a gift--her last chance to see something of the outside world. She does not anticipate the dangers and temptations she will encounter along the way, nor does she expect Lieutenant Kim Ramon, an officer in the squadron of Rangers assigned to protect her. Despite all prohibitions forbidding it, attraction grows between the two women.

Against them stand the powerful religious Sisterhood and their holy warriors--the Temple Guards. In a world ruled by the Church, what chance is there that Lynn can escape?"

Actually this world is female-only and everybody is a lesbian, so it's not as if it is ruled by the Catholic church or something, as the blurb seems to imply. And I don't think that catholicism could be so closely replicated in a society where only one sex exists, but I digress.

The romance between the protagonists was fine, I liked it even when I think they fell for each other rather quickly. I believe it from Lynn's perspective because she had been secluded in a temple since she was like 10, only surrounded by elderly women or priestess that were covered up to their eyes and rarely spoke to her, but from Kim's side... No. Maybe seeing more of the journey to Landfall from her perspective would have helped matters. Some of Lynn's quotes were very relatable and good (I believe I have posted some here) and her pain at thinking that she would not ever be able to be with Kim was almost palpable. The romantic and steamy scenes were sexy and well-written, and they felt organic given the circumstances.

I loved how the priestesess constantly jeopardised each other's ascent to power, it was very realistic and a nice detail to the story. It is one of the strongest parts of the worldbuilding to be honest, since it demonstrated that powerful religious women were a force to be reckoned with in-world (at least until a certain point in the story that made me want to slam my head against a table).

The writing was similar to that of Shadow of the knife, but lacked a depth and maturity that SOTK had and that made it such a punch in the face memorable story to me.

Lynn was a good protagonist, very defined by her nostalgic memories of life outside the temple. Which was fine, but she didn't seem to care a lot about anything except nature. I found it very unbelievable that she wasn't more weirded out by the journey given how she was leading a life of reclusion and suddenly she was on a trip with guards and people all around her. She focused a lot on how good it felt to be out of the temple, but what about the people? Isn't being surrounded by people weird after you spent your life in the temple? She never cared about anyone on there so it's pretty safe to say she never had any friends, which brings me to my next point: for someone who had lived such a poor social life she was very stable, not socially starved to the point of being easily manipulable, full of panic towards social interactions or other things that social isolation tends to cause. She mentions wanting to have sex desperately, but that's about it. I'm not buying that. She was nice and I liked how she took responsibility for her actions, but I wish we knew more about her. After reading the book, I still don't feel like I know her that much.

Kim was alright, but her past was boring. Very typical. Seriously, authors, stop killing families. There are other ways to give lifelong trauma to the protagonists. I hated how her character lived through so much and managed to stay so static during all the story. Like hell all this happens to somebody and they stay completely unmoved throughout the whole thing. I don't believe the whole "This is because Kim is very mature, also her past is already solved bc she killed the bandits that killed her fam in the past" that the book tries to sell me. Why would you play up this conflict if it was already solved? I don't care that this is a romance book, it is just lazy to just have all the character development outside of the story. And then of course Kim has solved everything but the part about her trauma that makes her afraid to have a girlfriend, because you know, we needed something to spicy up their relationship. I won't go into detail but they had better ways of having a conflict between the two that didn't rely on getting past traumas that were already solved. One of them being that the foundation of everything they believed in was a lie. It would have been so much more interesting to have that as the main conflict of their relationship!

The action scenes were very well-written, but they lacked something that would have made them truly epic. And that would have been to have a real sense of danger; the problem with the story is that we know the Rangers are amazing and could kick everyone's ass in seconds because they are just that tough, so we don't worry about them dying at all, really. That made the action scenes really lackluster sometimes, almost as if they were only stage decoration for the romance. Which is fine, but the book was so focused on them and they were such an important part of the story that it didn't feel right. It is a shame, because some scenes were really well-written and had a lot of potential to be intense and memorable, and to define the characters or give them some good development. All of the elements necessary were there but then it simply didn't happen. It was beyond frustrating; the characters learned a lot of new stuff and faced loads of dangerous situations but they didn't change at all, which I found unrealistic taking into account they just found out the foundation of everything they believed in was a lie. They all just go like "Oh well that makes sense, I don't believe in this thing anymore despite still having some sensibilities that come from this thing", there might be people who act like this, no doubt, but twelve or more different women? No way.

The plot had a lot of things going on that never reached their full potential, and I think it would have benefited from being kept simpler, especially when this was the author's first book. I just went to check goodreads in order to paste the blurb in the book to the begging of my review, and somebody said "I felt like we should have spent more time in Petersmine watching the characters fall in love, and definitely more time in the temple at Landfall! It's what the book is named after" and I agree. As I said, this book wanted to tackle too many things. If the author really felt like she had to tackle all those topics at once she should have prioritized and spent more time in the central conflicts, while playing the others out in a more subtle manner.

This was her first book so I feel like I should be more forgiving, but I still have to vent about it. I will always be eternally grateful to Jane Fletcher for giving us the Celaeno Series, because it is amazing. How many fantasy/sci-fi series where all the characters are exclusively female and lesbian do we have? What she did was incredible and groundbreaking, but the first book was obviously her first one. I hear there are great things coming in the next one, and I have noticed that the author has gotten way better at writing/worldbuilding since this book was published, so I believe in her.

The explanation the author gave about why the sisters "hide" the true history to the public was not good nor believable. "Nobody reads those books anymore, so they don't know what really happened" really? What the hell? Are you telling me that not even one woman from the temple has taken the time to read one of the books from their library? This doesn't make the Temple look sympathetic, it makes them look beyond stupid. Humans are curious by nature, like hell nobody has even skim-read one of their books. This is something I disliked and that got me tired from this book: every woman that had any ties to religion (temple guards, sisters, etc.) was mortally stupid and ended up either dead or in a bad place. This lack of nuance bothered me: I dislike religion as much as the next person, but this was just too sloppy. Religious people are not stupid; some are stupid, yes, and some do/say stupid things because of religion or because they are plain bigots, but come on, the majority of them don't expect their god/goddess to do things for them that are within their control (like packing their suitcases). Also, does the author think that religious people can't conspire to hide shady things? Lol.

And I don't believe that this world has only one religion. Somebody could interpret the texts of the Elder-Ones way differently and come up with another religion. The author only made one because she wanted it to parallel christianity (the religion she wanted to criticize) and fair enough, but it makes for poor lore. Even christianity has several branches that interpret the bible differently or practice their faith in a different way, and I just don't believe that 1) nobody bothered to read the Elder-Ones texts ever and 2) nobody had a different interpretation and started a different faith, or at least a civil war.

Another thing that disappointed me was how incompetent the guards were. I liked it in the first bit, because the guards that escorted Lynn were from a provincial city and only used to face people, not mountain beasts. That was pretty nice and realistic, but in the second arc there was no excuse for the seasoned temple guards in Landfall to be as incompetent as they were. How the hell has the Temple survived for that long and gained so much power when everybody within its walls is either mortally stupid or terrible at her job?

In the other books both the Rangers and the Militia have their fair share of competent and incompetent women in them, but when it comes to the Temple everyone is just useless, stupid or evil. I'm not having it.

If you have read the book, you will remember that scene with a nice, truly devoted, grandma-like sister that the author wrote to prove that "there are also nice people within the church", which is basically the cliché that pull all books that poorly criticize religion. To any writer reading this: stop using this cliché, I beg you. Do a nuanced criticism of religion instead.

I did like how the sisters reacted to Lynn's and Kim's relationship, that was very well done. Especially the part where they tried so hard to distort Kim's feelings and character to make her look like a bad person on Lynn's eyes. I also loved the little details about Gina's village, the culture that was starting to form around it and the militia/rangers/temple guards dynamic and rivalries, they were very believable and good at rounding up the worldbuilding.

I can't believe what the author pulled at the end of the book. Really, more than 70 pages in the PDF version from Peter McKay's diary, a character that had minimal involvement in the story. I was very uninterested, even if his diary was kind of interesting. Couldn't she have put parts of his diary in little chunks at the begging of every chapter? It would have made the info dump much more bearable. I might comment on it in another post because there is a lot of lore/things I would like to discuss and I still haven't finished it yet.

I recommend this book if you like stories like Romeo and Juliet but set in a lesbian sci-fi universe, and where the characters fight against society.

[tmae3114]

Diath & the Waterdeep Underground

Okay!! So!! It’s high time that I actually got around to cross-posting this over here!! I can’t believe it’s taken me so long!!

This is a theory that I’d been working on since *wobbly hand motion* mid- to late Season Three? I polished it up enough to post about two months ago but only ever got around to doing so on the DCA subreddit (bc that’s where there was more activity at the time) and always intended to get it over here as well and then just. never did.

So! Here’s the theory, as originally presented two months ago. I intend to add an edit/update at some point with all the new evidence from Episodes 116 and 117 but I haven’t had the time or energy to do so yet.

So! Without further ado! My “Diath’s got a history with Waterdeep’s criminal underground” theory!

(Note: due to the recent complications re: Tumblr And Links and the fact that I want this post to show up in the tag, all the timestamps which were linked in the subreddit version have been changed to URLs in this one. It’s a bit clunky to read but it’s the best I can do rn *shrug*)

I think Diath has a history with some part of the criminal underground in Waterdeep. Specifically, that he was part of it.

Diath’s past is something about which we know very, very little. He very rarely talks about it and usually in the broadest possible terms when he does; Episode 73 is the exception to this, with the stories he shares there being the most detail he has shared about events in his past. There is, however, one consistency which can be identified on the occasions when he does talk about it – he only ever talks about his time on the streets as a part of his childhood. This is not a solely in-universe thing either – Jared and Chris both do the same. (I believe so, at least. If I’m incorrect, please let me know and maybe provide me a timestamp/link to when whatever they say is said, if you can! It’d be useful information to have on hand for future theorising in this regard) Diath very much seems to be a precision oriented person by nature. His wording of things is often very deliberate. Therefore, with his time begging on the streets being specifically referred to as a part of his childhood, along with the meta-aspect of this additionally being consistent out of universe, we can surmise that he was no longer in the position of begging on the streets after his childhood.

If we’re to assume that childhood is including his teenage years (which seems a reasonable assumption, with how often Diath is teased about being a child post-Youth Potion) then Diath was, presumably, off the streets either at or around the age of eighteen/nineteen.

In Episode 73, when telling the story of how he met Strix, Diath states that he “was just trying [his] hand at being an adventurer” (https://youtu.be/6SuM1qebiXM?t=19m29s), indicating that they met relatively early into his adventuring career, which we can use to make a rough estimate of what age he began adventuring, admittedly with a lot of guesstimating.

We know that he was twenty eight at the beginning of the show. As of Episode 1, the Wafflecrew had been together for a “short while”, which we know was long enough to have been on a few adventures together but short enough that they were still figuring out group dynamics and the like – I would place this period of time as somewhere between two months and a year. We also know that he and Strix had known each other for “a few years” before they met Evelyn and Paultin – a period of time which I would place as being roughly three or four years, as five or more feels too many to be accurately described as “a few”.

Therefore, working with the largest numbers estimated above, it’s possible that Diath began adventuring somewhere in the range of five years prior to Episode 1, at age twenty three.

With the previous conclusion of Diath having no longer been begging at eighteen/nineteen and this new conclusion of him having not started adventuring until twenty three, this gives us a four/five year window in which to wonder ‘what exactly was he doing?’

But why think that he may have been involved in crime during that potential period? I have a few reasons, which are as follows:

Firstly, it has been alluded to on multiple occasions throughout the show that Diath has been in trouble with the law in Waterdeep either a significant number of times or one very memorable and impactful time. While I haven’t gone through the whole show to track down every reference to this, mostly because I don’t remember which episodes they’re all in and I don’t have the time (or, admittedly, patience) to go searching for them, I have got a very early one – in Episode 7, when he’s being arrested by the guards in Vallaki, Jared remarks that this is “not [Diath’s] first time [being arrested]” (https://youtu.be/STnBV8C61vM?t=19m52s).  Additionally, Jared mentioned in an Idle Champions interview that Diath “technically […] has a criminal record.” (https://www.twitch.tv/videos/292683322?t=38m03s) While that could be a reference to the times that Diath (and the rest of the Wafflecrew) have got into trouble over the course of the show, the use of the phrase “criminal record” implies, to me, that that is a circumstance that is rather more official than most of the trouble the ‘crew have been in. Additionally, when he triggers the trap door in Castle Ravenloft and gets dropped into a dungeon cell in Episode 30, Diath’s response of being sad is explicitly noted to be because “[he] never wanted to be behind bars again.” (https://youtu.be/Y03julVmXNE?t=40m27s) This could quite likely be linked to Diath’s issues with cages (as displayed in Ironslag (https://youtu.be/dS_QMZOO5Og?t=1h4m33s)) but, again, the wording leads me to think there’s other possible connections – that phrase is usually used to refer to being in a jail cell or in prison, after all. Diath’s response to being in the cell is also quite markedly different to his reaction to being in the cage – frustration and sadness, as opposed to a borderline panic attack. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive, though; Diath’s dislike of ending up in that cell could be related both to past trouble with the law and to whatever his trauma regarding cages is.

Secondly, in Episode 53, it’s revealed that Diath was sold by his family when he was young enough that he barely remembers them (https://youtu.be/jZrd26ImgyU?t=56m49s). A human brain generally starts laying down retrievable memories at roughly the age of three, so the presence of any memories of them at all means that Diath must have been at least that old when those events transpired. We also know from later reveals that he remembers at least enough to know his father’s name – Ashton – though this was clearly a later recollection as he did not recognise the name at all when first confronted with it when given Gutter by the dworc in Citadel Adbar. With that information, I would estimate that Diath was between the ages of three and six when he was sold. Additionally, as far as we know, he came from a working class family with an adventurer father.

Why is this significant information to this theory in particular? Simple.

Diath can read and write.

There is no point in his backstory that we currently know of where he could’ve learned or been taught those skills. Even had his birth family had access to the skills or resources to teach him, he wasn’t with them, and spent a large portion of his childhood begging on the streets. Diath having either of those skills, let alone both, is odd. And in addition to reading and writing, he’s also got a fairly refined speech pattern and even knows some words that Evelyn, a noble-born child primarily raised in a temple, doesn’t (see: the stationary exchange in episode 94) which is, again, pretty unusual for someone who seemingly went straight from beggar to adventurer. It’s possible that Diath is self-taught but it’s just as possible, if not more likely, that there’s some unknown period in his past where there was someone who taught him. The questions left to us in that scenario, then, are who and why? Knowing Diath and how things generally go for him, it’s unlikely it was someone performing an act of altruism. In concert with the other possible pieces of evidence for this theory, it doesn’t seem too out there to speculate that he was, perhaps, taught because it could be a useful skill for him to have for whoever he was working for. This could also explain his speech pattern, as it could account for him being around a person, or people, who spoke like that enough to start doing it himself, something which would be much more unlikely on the streets.

Thirdly, it seems to have been implied that, in certain parts of Waterdeep at least, Diath has a reputation that paints him as a thief, or someone with the potential to be one. In Episode 73, when talking about how he and Strix met the rest of the Wafflecrew, Diath is very, very certain that the hostility and accusation from the innkeeper was because of and directed at him (https://youtu.be/6SuM1qebiXM?t=25m16s). The only elaboration that he gives on being so sure that the innkeeper was accusing him specifically and not targeting him and Strix because of Strix being a tiefling is stating that "when you stay in Waterdeep long enough, doing the things you do, you do develop a sort of... reputation, either by- either through truth or not.” (https://youtu.be/6SuM1qebiXM?t=23m59s). He doesn’t actually tell us what that reputation is or give any hints as to how it may have come about. While stereotypes could arguably be at play, given that the Rusty Pommel was apparently fairly seedy and in a seedy part of town, it seems unlikely that Diath was the only former street kid or the only rogue in the establishment. His certainty implies it was something about him specifically that caused that incident, especially with the comment about reputations. In Episode 90, Evelyn of Shar’s use of the fear spell reveals to us that one of Diath’s worst fears is Awful!Diath, his mirrored self. Specifically "He hates seeing that that is what everyone else sees him as, and that's what he could have been, that he tries to fight every day to not be." (https://youtu.be/PDG4KidCIXU?t=1h28m48s) This fear is likely linked to the aforementioned implied reputation. What is of particular interest to this theory, however, is the latter part of that sentence – “that’s what he could have been, that he tries to fight every day not to be.” While this could simply refer to how Diath could have taken a different path growing up, it could also mean that it was a path he had already started down, and turned back from. With that possibility in mind, it’s also entirely possible that the reputation he seemingly has that caused the conflict in the Rusty Pommel is not, as would seem the first interpretation of his statement from what we know of Diath, an untruthful reputation of being a thief, but rather a truthfully earned one of being a criminal – after all, everyday people who don’t know Diath would have no way of knowing about his personal moral code against stealing. If he had a reputation as a criminal, there would be no reason for people not to assume that this would include thievery. The ambiguity of his wording, “doing the things you do”, could also lend credence to this possibility. Diath is very good at keeping secrets and using an ambiguous phrase to not technically lie is something he could very easily have been doing with that statement.

My final reasoning is that, since the return to Waterdeep but particularly in Episode 102, we have been shown that Diath has a pretty wide network of contacts – referred to by Chris as his “society of confederates” – to the point that with their help he was able to rally the city guard to catch the Xanathar Guild members who stole Waffles within hours of returning to Waterdeep. Combined with the potential evidence for this theory, this is interesting, since it could point to what degree he was involved, but it isn’t strictly evidence for this theory on its own.

None of these things alone necessarily point to Diath having been involved with some aspect of the criminal underworld in Waterdeep but I feel like they make for a compelling case when looked at together. What do you think?