#but getting ther is a struggle
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mynameis-hateem · 1 year ago
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It’s so hard being an adult.
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sug4rc4ne · 11 days ago
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something about how most of ralseis character defining scenes are completely optional and easy to miss depending on how yr playing!! all the moments in ch3 where u can choose bt him or susie even though hes always encouraging u to worry abt susie instead. the tea party where hes ashamed for enjoying the cake that he made because he doesnt think he deserves it. his bedroom thats completely empty because he doesnt think he deserves anything. at the end of chapter 4 in the broken glass you have to choose to talk to him. it drives me crazy how much he succeeded at keeping his distance even from the player. hes a character & person you have to make a conscious effort to talk to!! to understand!! you have to want to look deeper!! you have to want to care about him!! because he doesnt want you to!! the only reason he ever slipped so visibly and so unskippably in chapter 4 was because of susie. because she was the first person to ever try.
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wackywatchdotcom · 5 months ago
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imo jax has no clue that hes miserable. like hes putting on a face for sure but i dont think he actually has the emotional awareness to know WHY hes doing that. he just wants to look cool and masculine and thats as far as he thinks on it. theres more to it but he doesnt know that. being sad isnt cool so he wouldnt even entertain the idea that hes secretly sad
#tadc#hes absolutely miserable but he doesnt. realize i dont think#i think he knows when hes Currently unhappy but i dont think he like#realizes that theres an underlying misery to his entire existence#hes trying to be cool and is forcing himself to have fun all the time#the man is desperate to be happy and laugh and has found a way to do it#its not viable and also its a bandaid on his problems but he doesnt realize#and also hes a piece of shit#i hope he one day recovers because its tragic and also bc for the others' sake he should stop being an asshole to them#hes more ok expressing negative emotions if theyre like. angry or frustrated. he just ignores sadness. its not cool of him#idk if im wrong or if i jsut interpret him differently but genuinely#to me he is a guy more obsessed w looking cool than almost everything else#a bold move when he doesnt respect anyone around him#then again he knows(?) thers an audience so . maybe its for them#or maybe he wants the illusion of superiority over the others#they all might be jumpy and mopey but hes above that and wants them all to know#its just one way to have control over literally anything in the circus#and i think thers struggles every chracter has in come way and like#i think i should look at how the charcters interact w the concept of their own autonomy#bc theres something there#esp given a lot of gangles actions in ep 4 revolve around her finally. finally having literally any control over how ppl treat her#even if its not actually 'real' control#and smth smth caine getting rid of zoobles option to not participate#pomni getting dragged places CONSTANTLY#ragatha trying to maintain the other characters emotional stability#which reads as a desperate desire to stop players from abstracting. to me. which is in itself#a desire for control in a bad situation#then theres kinger.... i cant think of much for him. in terms of control#he doesnt seem to have control of anything but he has a surprisingly large amnt of authority#circus discussion
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dykedvonte · 4 months ago
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A crazy thing about Mouthwashing is that Pony Express lost communication with one of its freighters for months and didn’t send anyone to check.
A genuinely reputable company, or at the very least a decent one, would have sent someone, something out to check after about two weeks of silence. Two months is when the crew start questioning if they are even being looked for which implies they were already expecting it to take a while cause P.E just doesn’t care.
They don’t care about who they hire. They don’t care about the conditions they place their crew in or how safe the safety measures actually are. They just don’t care, made rules and regulations so they can care less and succeed in getting away with it with how little those ideas are discussed.
#back on remembering how little blame we give P.E very the real organizational problems that led to the interpersonal ones#there’s many facets to talk about MW in but it’s that people really down play the working class factor and that everyone on the ship are no#too far off from each other and you have to incorporate that into how things play out like the false prestige of being captain and curly#exudes creates this inflated idea he had unlimited capabilities to do much more when it’s clear he is ruled by the same restrictions just a#a slightly different angle same way Swansea as the mechanic can’t fix a vent not because it’s likely difficult but because he just lacks th#rescources and constant clearances needed so it’s a stagnant task#same way even when Anya gets to do nurse stuff it’s limited by what she is given#it’s all reflective about what they have to work with not being enough not even being barely enough#both on an aspect of actual tangible problems and subjective issues#something something boss makes a dollar the crew makes a dime curly makes a quarter and they all still struggle to stay above water#idk it’s very important and interesting and more tragic to me that they were all in the same bubble but their perceptions of each other and#priorities made them walk each other off and feel levels of resentment that should have been towards P.E like how Curly mainly resents them#but the others clearly take it to a more personal level like he got fired with them#is at the same point of starting over with nothing cause all his experience is worthless in a dying job field and all he got was papers tha#say he’s great at a role no one wants except for the one guy that forced him to exit#all of it for nothing all those years for nothing and he didn’t get to choose#I think it’s interesting that people assume curly got what he wanted when he wanted a choice in his future to continue as is or change just#because they feed so heavily into the birthday argument where a projecting Jimmy says Curly got what he wanted when curly corrects him ther#saying what he wanted was a life he didn’t have to escape from being forced out of something isn’t escape if you have no where to go or#everyone got to kinda make a choice whether we consider Jimmy crashing the ship or Anya telling Jimmy and later killing herself#curly being trapped feels so minimal cause it’s hard to recognize how he’s caged in by being the in between of the head and the crew he can#move freely through either as he has the power of boss to them and subordinate to the other he has to do what the company says to an extent#and hopefully mitigate anything the crew might do and the ‘perks’ of being captain are just different leashes he’s on with the crew and P.E#it’s like so hard to understand when you aren’t used to working in these type environments or have been in similar organizational power#structures but the crew being on the same sort of economic scale and class is so important to why and how they act the way they do#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#pony express#curly mouthwashing#captain curly
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rowenabean · 6 months ago
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#didn't have a big party for my 30th for reasons that were partly distance and partly insecurities/depression#this year being back closer to where my people are decided to do a big party instead this weekend#my first since my 21st (which was... a struggle for also distance related reasons and may have reinforced said insecurities)#i am having to remind myself. i am doing my best none of us get to practice this life#interrupting this to say i just mindlessly slapped at a tickle on my arm only to discover it was HUGE#not the sandflies we've been getting all day but a moth or something at least a cm big! (i grabbed it and threw it away without looking)#anyway. what was i saying. having a little moment where my insecurities are coming back in the middle of the night#and i wonder if i have - again - asked for less than i truly want because i didn't feel like anyone would give the full thing to me#but the point is: i asked for something i wanted and that's something that takes practice. and the point is: i get to try again next year a#d next year and next year. and the point is: we only live this life once but it is not a short life and there will be more chances#to celebrate with the people i love. to ask for what i want. to learn to listen to what i actually want before i make myself smaller out#of habit#but i DID ask for a party and i DID ask for someone who isn't me to host it (a thing i haven't asked for since probably my 21st tbh) and#that's already growth#and it will be fun! i'm a bit sad that no one from my most recent chapter of life can be there but it's no secret that social was hard ther#so i only have 3 friends i wanted to invite anyway and all of them live several hours away#(and one of them i knew couldn't come already when i planned it - she's at a hens party - but we talked about it and decided to go ahead)#idk. really it's ok. but part of why i'm doing this is as a challenge to my own insecurities (as well as because it will be fun!) and i#really pray this year will see some of those insecurities dwindling. that i will be able to really believe that i am lovable and loved.#that's my prayer.
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microwavetoaster-selfships · 2 months ago
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Okay, I have 'returned' from my minor Tumblr absence. I say 'returned' because I never truly properly left, as you might've noticed from the few things that I reblogged onto my main and whatnot. Part of it was just a break, but the other major part of it was... I went to a concert!!! Of one of my favorite bands that means so, so much to me.
Big tangent below that isn't very selfshippy related.
Now, I don't know how much I mention NSP on here, perhap's I have once or twice when talking about songs that I've added to my F/Os playlists, but I don't think I ever really went on anything too lengthy. And I know I've mentioned Game Grumps a few times on here as well- definitely not as much as Jerma- but One of the co-hosts of Game Grumps is the lead singer in NSP, and both NSP and Game Grumps mean a lottt to me, even if I don't mention them often. They've gotten me through a lot for a very long amount of years, ever since I was around 11~ish. Made me laugh, helped me sleep, relax, entertained me, and have said a lot of motivational and heartwarming things that have helped kept me going. Getting tickets to go see the band was nearly entirely on impulse, which is something that I don't really ever do, but this was beyond worth it. It... it felt like it reset my brain, almost. If that makes any sense. Like my brain was a computer that had been running on sleep mode ever since it first booted up and finally got restarted for the first time ever. I'm upset that I can't have the entire thing burned into my memory second by second cause it was incredible. The lights and noises were overwhelming at first and I had moments questioning if I should regrettably step away but I managed to cool myself down. It was magical, there was some crying, there still IS some crying, and probably always will be, and they did some really cool "Hey, however you identify or who you love is completely okay with us." TWRP was also there, which is a slightly longer story, but they were also brilliant. I used up a lot of my energy and tears during their songs that I didn't have any left for the songs that I actually anticipated crying over! I could go on for ages about it, but I wouldn't have chosen anything else. I actually think I needed this. It feels like I can think like...better. More clearly. I feel more relaxed about my future and spending money and just...UGH. There are the watery eyes. Maybe because I anticipated crying during some of the NSP songs it didn't hit me, but the TWRP stuff really came at me from out of left field and the little intermission dialog and..man. maaann. It was really funny as well and. I wish I could remember it forever I really really do. I never thought I would ever get to see any artists that I enjoyed live, honestly. Most of them don't tour anymore or are all UK based, and I didn't know if or when NSP would tour again, nonetheless if they would be anywhere close to me. I HAD to. And I'm glad I did.
I know this perhaps sounds like every other description expereince of someone going to a concert but.It just felt so good. To be in a room where I practically felt like I could just.. be myself. I will say the worst thing to come from all of this is just potentially slowly forgetting details and that now I will get FOMO over any and all future concerts that they ever have. Concerts aren't really my thing but that.. was magic. And inspiration and awe and. I still can't get over TWRP's songs and the little intermissions about the lead singer hyping us up over our humanly hidden potentials.
It's almost hard to listen to any of their songs now after listening to them live! My phone camera desperately needs to be cleaned so the few pictures that I got during the moment we were allowed to have phones out are really fuzzy. I got a really good spot standing at the top of some small staircases so I could see over everyone(and it was also a good spot to sit/lean against the railings). It was worth it. it was worth it all. It was worth the sleepiness and hunger and thirst and frustrations. In fact it exceeded that.
I also got to stop by an IHOP and BurgerKing and ironically I love both of those places and yet neither of them are within like an hour drive of me.
#Thank you Crowley for planting this idea into my head that quickly formed into something else.#And thank you to every other F/O that is going to be enduring my choked-up-ness over a band with a name that is moderately embarassing-#-to not intialize because of a word it contains. And also some of their funny songs follow suit in such themes.#Which normally isnt themes I indulge in at all but Ive gotten really comfortable with Game Grumps and NSP-#-so hearing those sorts of jokes get cracked from them doesn't phase me and even gets some chuckles out of me on occasion.#I know this isnt my usual selfshippy post but. This is the episode in a show where a character goes to a concert and it changes their-#-entire life. Or at least bits of who they are. Insert one or two examples here.#And there were certainly some F/O thoughts while I was there and driving there and whatnot....#Okay back to your regularly scheduled Kane posting. I remembered the bits of the storyboard posted for M.oshi Monsters movie-#-while at the hotel so I got a slight photo dump that I might do later tonight so ther is that to aniticiapte.#yeah yeah I know I went five seconds without mentioning him but considering that a convo i had earlier today with someone was-#-“What if I let myself indulge in my feelings over him and it gets worse. My feelings intensify.”#and they responded with essentially “MORE good feelings to experience? Why not indulge?”#So. I dont know how it can get worse than daily occurence for almost three months and still Heavens Forbid i think about any fraction of-#-affection betqween us or I might as well start chewing dynomite.#please dont let him be the next big thing plEASDDONTTT I AM A BLOG THAT POSTS ABOUT PIIXAR CCARRSSSSSS.#out of any character i could have struggled to tal k about why did everyone have to be so encouraging abouit it with him.#I do think that has contributed a lot. Having a lot of positive reaction and zero negative ones and so it has made me far quicker to post-#-about many thoughts that I have about him. I do feel like I have been extra posting since. he.#Whereas when I was in like. strictly Cars days I mostly posted about when the dam broke and-#-hey im getting strondeja vu this is verbatim isnt it. ive said this like fifteen times before havent i.#Hey FunnyMitten creature can you keep one post not about you. This was about a band. N.No I dont care that you also- that doesnt count.#im not adding your tag you dont get that satisfaction right now. Sorry everyone.
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23z567 · 8 months ago
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having a dog is fun and games until he tries to get into my vomit bucket. Buddy I know you eat your own vomit but come on.
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edge-oftheworld · 11 months ago
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one thing I love about following celebrities/artists who are honest and proactive about their mental health struggles etc is I can’t count the number of times someone I know is going through something and I’m like ‘I’ve got a song for u’ and how much of my life involves telling myself ‘if [redacted] can do something/get better/etc then so can i’ (and having actual real evidence of it in front of me) and I can’t understate how much I appreciate these things.
but at the same time it involves a whole lot of watching people I care about suffer and you learn to read the signs and infer between the lines in songs and interviews, and yes we can never fully know what they don’t share with us, but when they do share things it’s not a big stretch to be like ‘this seems like it’s what life is like for you and I have taken encouragement from it but you deserve so much better’. and it’s easy to find ways to get angry at a predatory industry and realise things that could be hurtful if you’re already fragile.
and we can advocate for some things and help ourselves and the people around us feel better but it’s hard to meaningfully reach your faves as an individual. and there are things we can’t say on the internet in too much detail, speculation becomes the harmful kind of gossip, and so sometimes it’s a whole lot of internally saying ‘you’re doing incredibly well to have gotten to where you are but I wish for your sake things would get better faster’
#curse and catch 22 (not the song)#I didn’t mean to make this so anonymous as a post but maybe. it’s applicable to a lot of artists. I don’t know#just thinking about how sometimes someone will say something and it’s like ‘oh honey’ if you can see. why they might be saying it#like a glimpse into the top of an iceberg that makes a lot of sense to be there given other things they do and talk about#I feel like we’re in a unique position as a fandom with the way all four of them have been so vulnerable in different ways#and they may not be perfect but imo no one deserves to suffer like that especially for an extended amount of time. but the thing is#sometimes the fans are suffering and so are our faves and people appreciate the relatability and don’t have any basic compassion#or ability to see past their own struggles. with this fandom especially compared to a lot of others I’ve been in and I think I know why#but in the end the way I see it we’ve gotten so much relatable content and encouragement (bc the Finding The Positives Vibes which are ther#and sometimes there’s nothing we can give back apart from being a part of systemic change which all of us deserve for ourselves too#idk if this band is unique in this or I just find them more relatable personally and thus easier to see how hard they’ve worked#on themselves and taking risks in order to be honest. and it reminds me of the quote about how suffering won’t make your art better#healing will. and so imo anyone whose art is really good when they are going through a lot has me thinking. imagine what it’d be like#when life isn’t so hard for you?? or when you’re getting better but it just takes a long time I’m like. you deserve to feel better faster#this all said I’m incredibly proud and I’m not trying to insinuate there’s anything catastrophic going on bc there absolutely isnt#I am not in any way worried. I’ve seen tragedies about to happen and these guys show none of the signs. but I do relate to a lot of tidbits#pertaining to. certain chronic mental illnesses and/or being neurodivergent in an unaccommodating world (don’t ask which)#things I would anticipate would be a lot harder when there’s hordes of often fickle occasionally predatory fans to contend with#sometimes I just think of this idk#celebrities are people#5 seconds of summer#5sos#5sos fandom#cw mental health things
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genekies · 2 years ago
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screaming in the club
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time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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lesbianstarlightglimmer · 8 days ago
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You KNOW I’m tired when I’m already getting ready for bed at midnight
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sulumuns-dootah · 3 months ago
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How would the kings react when having a playful argument with the MC, MC suddenly says 'You're lucky I love you'?
Having a playful argument w/ the WHB kings
⟡ Masterlist ⟡ 
─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───
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"Prove it"
If you really mean it, then show him how much you do
He did rile you up, didn't he? He deserves a punishment for that
Hit him
Hit him as hard as you can
Hell, tap into his power and send him flying all the way to the other side of Hell
If you don't even try, he'll try to rile you up even more
       ༺☆༻
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"I'm- I'm sorry, did I go overboard?"
The ever so gentle giant always wants to respect your boundaries in everything, but sometimes struggles to recognise them
He's quick to stop the playful argument and starts looking for a way to make it up to you
So now you have to reassure him that you're okay and he didn't do anything that bad
Doesn't really matter though
He'll still commission that statue of him kneeling before you
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"Obviously. That still doesn't matter that I'll treat you any different"
No fight or argument with Levi is fully playful
There's always that serious undertone to it
And yes, if you take it too far, he will hang you no futher question
Unless you can actually manage to spin it around and make him a blushing subby mess that's one second from cumming into his pants
It's hard to do, but ther reward may seem worth it, no?
       ༺☆༻
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"Huhu, I know..."
On the other side of a coin, Beel never takes arguments seriously even if they are
I recommend not telling him this actually
If he realises that you're letting thing slide just because he's adorable and knows how to give good backshots, he'll start trying to see how far he can push his luck
And even telling him that he's gone too far wouldn't probably work anymore
He'll just do whatever he wants which is kinda terrifying now that It think about it
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"Oh? That's good"
I think I already did some arguing HC's and said that Belphie doesn't really argue so with the same spirit he'll just acknowledge your confession and continue to flatly state things
Though, thinking about it, Belphie does fit the memo of someone who would just laugh at you while you're spitting fire
So even during playful argument he would try to rile you as much as he can
"Hm? And what's that got to do with what we're talkin' 'bout?"
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"Aw, I love you too... But I'm still gonna fuck you like I don't."
You two might not even be arguing about anything spicy or anything
He just throws this thing your way and completely changes the mood of the situation
Though to be fair, all of your arguments, serious or palyful, always end with your legs in different area codes so his remark only speeds things up along
It's kinda hard to come up with good funny responses when all you can think of is that good action that'll come next
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"I know. I am lucky."
Instant end to your argument
How can you argue with him when he's so sweet
All you can only do now is to deflate and melt into his touch
It's okay tough, he didn't really get the point of playful fighting anyway
It mostly only reminds him of his Seraphim brothers constantly bickering about pointless things
So he prefers the quiet moments in life more
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existence-is-a-pain87 · 30 days ago
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A Toxic Time
Yandere!Block Tales x Monster?Reader
Warnings: Obsession and other general yandere behaviors, violence, stalking; swearing
Note: The reason I've been only doing this stuff is solely because I wanna write yandere Griefer. Also I'm considering making a Self-Aware Block Tales thingy at some point idk.
--☆☆☆☆☆--
Other Parts in the Series
--☆☆☆☆☆--
Terry teleporting in front of you, still wearing that damn wizard hat, gave you a heart attack.
You literally just walked a little bit outside of the grounds of Blackrock Castle, Ice Dagger still in your hands, before that little penguin just fucking showed up.
"Yooooo," He said, as if you didn't just leap back far enough you nearly went back into the grounds of Blackrock Castle, "This hat is sick. Where was this when I was at Blox Mart??? Top-shelf tuna... you'll be mine..."
"...you killed a man." Is all you managed to say, "And stole his hat."
"Yeah? And???" Terry rolls his eyes at your horrified expression. "He was a jerk and had it coming. Don't worry."
"...you scare me."
"Cool, cool." Terry waves a flipper dismissively, "Yo bruh whatup?"
"...you killing someone." You tell him.
"Yeah, I got it..." Terry grumbles before noticing what you're holding. "What you got ther- oh. Oh, you actually got the Ice Dagger. Cool. Anyways, aren't you supposed to be back at HQ by now?"
"I'm just heading there-" You say, "Wait, Shedletsky's out of the hospital?"
"Uh... yeah?" Terry stares at you like you're insane, "He phoned me up already asking for you. Something about not having your number? Eh, idk. Yeah tho, we're basically homies already. Anyway, you should probably get over there."
"On my way!" You say, resuming walking.
"Bruh don't just walk the entire way back." Terry tells you, hopping in front of you. "Why would you when you can just Fast Travel?"
"...you act like I can teleport..." You murmur, before pausing, "Oh! Haha, I'm not a human!"
And with a laugh, you tap into your super speed ability (because it's basically what it is) and zoom off.
You don't even notice Terry's response, you're just gone.
Anyways, not like you'd be super happy if you did see his response...
--☆☆☆--
You slow down when you get to Roblox HQ, and you realize you didn't disguise yourself as you walk through the door.
Fuck, you left your disguise at Blackrock Castle...
...you'll get it later, you'll be fine. Just... meet Shedletsky and hope he doesn't mind how you look..? Anyways, he already kinda saw you undisguised before... maybe he wouldn't mind..?
Uhh...
You know, get him a get well soon gift!
...
It takes less than ten minutes to get a bucket of fried chicken from a nearby fried chicken place (you think you heard rumors about Shedletsky really liking the place? You can't recall).
You walk into the basement at the receptionist's instructions, and walk past the casually floating people as you hear Shedletsky's voice.
"Hello? Is that who I think it is?" There's a pause, before, "Ah! [Name]! I've been expecting you! To to the room ahead of you, right of the elevator, we have much to discuss!"
You hesitate for a moment, taking a breath to steady yourself as you go past. The floating people only smile at you, which is a bit comforting in a way...
"Did you find it? Did you find... t h e i c e d a g g e r ?" You hear him ask.
You did, actually.
It should be yours. You don't need to give it back.
Hey, voices? Shut up.
Anyways, you adjust your grip on the bucket of chicken, before-
"OH MY GOD, ARE YOU OKAY?!" You blurt out at the sight of Shedletsky in a full body cast and in a wheelchair. You are genuinely horrified.
"Haha, I'm fine, thanks to you!" He tells you, "Thanks for calling that ambulance, by the way. I heard your struggles with your phone too. Something about "stupid claws"?"
He laughs a bit, amused.
"Uh- yeah..." You say, shuffling slightly as your tail wraps around your legs to make you seem smaller. "H- how did two children beat you up this much?"
"Oh, they weren't responsible for this." He tells you, "The people who took Builderman were."
"Oh." Is all you manage to respond with.
"...uh, here-!" You blurt out suddenly, offering him the fried chicken bucket. Shedletsky's already bright expression seems to brighten more.
"Aw, thank you!" He says, "Just put it on that desk."
You do just that.
You're too nice, people are going to take advantage of you.
You ignore the voice as you turn back and show him the Ice Dagger. "And I got the Ice Dagger, sir."
"Now now, there's no need to be so formal." He laughs a bit, "Here, let me show you how Sword Energy works."
"...aren't you in a wheelchair?"
"Like I'm letting that stop me!" He says, bemused. "Don't you worry your pretty little head, I'm gonna be fine."
...you just notice how he's looking at you. He's staring at you like you're the most wonderful thing he's ever seen.
You just clear your throat and nod, and let him teach you how to use the Ice Dagger. Though... aren't you going to give it to him? Why's he teaching you it's use?
"You actually found it, though!" He says, thrilled. "And mastering Sword Energy already too? Incredible!"
"It's not that special..." You murmur, embarrassed.
"Trust me, it is." He tell you, giving you a warm smile. "Once piece closer to finding him, huh?"
"Yeah!" You say, hoping Builderman is okay.
"..." Shedletsky falls silent, "...actually, could I ask a favor from you?"
"Huh?" You ask, confused.
See? He's gonna take advantage of you. You can't trust him.
Oh, won't this voice just shut up?
"I... uh... don't think I'll be able to collect the other swords myself." He admits, "...not in this state, at least. But... you..."
His expression is almost loving in a way... you're unused to expressions like that.
"You've done so much already. For the people of Roadtown and the people of Blackrock." He grins, "I've already heard how the ice up in the mountains is letting up and how the King seems happier. You have quite the positive impact."
"Really?" You ask, stunned. You barely talked to anyone and had no clue any of this was happening.
"I truly believe that." He tells you, "As such, I'm going to trust you to hold onto it. The Ice Dagger must be used responsibly... but I know you can protect it better than I can."
You hold the cold blade close to you as he continues. "Usually I wouldn't push someone to utilize this power... but with no sign of him in sight..."
Shedletsky falls silent, his smile gone.
"...I promise I'll protect the Ice Dagger." You tell him, trying to comfort him.
"Thank you." He tells you, before smiling again. "In the town Turitopulis near the Rugged Rainforest... the mayor protects the Venomshank for us! Him and I used to meet regularly, but he's been busy... I hope he's doing okay... do you mind visiting for me? Find the Venomshank! See how Mayor Thaniyel is holding up."
"Of course, sir!" You say with a nod, sheathing the Ice Dagger.
"No need to call me 'sir'," Shedletsky tells you, "Make your way to the Airport in West Bizville. There you should be able to get a flight to Plainstown! I wish the best for you, stay safe, and good luck!"
"Got it!" You say, waving goodbye as you leave.
...wait why was he looking at you all lovey-dovey? Isn't he married?
--☆☆☆--
As you walked through Bizville this time, you tried to interact with more people. Sure, a good amount of them would find an excuse to walk away or just tell you off, some of them were surprisingly fine with you being the way you are.
It felt nice having people be at least polite. Even if many looked at you in pity or concern. You just tried to hide the extra arms so people would freak out a bit less.
Thankfully, nothing came up on your way to the airport. Outside of you having to use your Shrink ability to get through a fence, but at least there was a button that opened the fence so traveling to the airport now would be much easier.
That button also happened to open an airplane hanger, and Terry was just.. there. With a plane.
You approached, and he jumped in surprise at the sight of you.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING???" He questioned, rage-filled words flying out of his mouth.
He waddled closer, sticking his flippers out at you. "What is this???? Resorting to burglary now, are you??"
"Eh?!" You squeaked out, "N- no sir! I was just- I was sent here by Shedletsky!"
"Huh?? He did?" Terry crosses his flippers, "Did he tell you to steal my plane too??"
"...does it look like I can fly a plane?" You ask him.
He pauses. "No."
"So like... I'm not here to steal it." You explain, words tumbling out of your mouth, "I just need someone to take me to Plainstown."
"...and you want me to do that?" Terry asks, raising an eyebrow.
"...yes." You respond, "Please."
"...you ask too much." Terry says with a scoff, "You're lucky I don't kick you around town for that."
"...so you're not going to-"
"Lemme finish!" Terry orders you, "Well, guess what bucko? Today's your lucky day. I used to be a professional pilot!"
...yeah, we don't trust that.
"Honestly, I agree with you..." You quietly murmur.
"What was that?" Terry asks you, and you quickly stutter out a "nothing!" With a skeptical look you way, he lets it go and continues.
"My brother Jerry calls me 'The Blue Eagle'." He pauses, "We're not eagles, but... you don't really care, do you?"
"No, no! Keep explaining!" You blurt out, "Maybe you can just... explain as we fly?"
He sighs. "Whatever, bruh. Let's go."
And you follow him into the plane, politely listening as he goes on some rant that devolves into him complaining about ostriches for some reason. You're only half paying attention.
You're too busy trying to ignore the whispers of the Ice Dagger, and how they warn you of danger...
--☆☆☆--
You creep out of the plane after Terry, blinking as everything is... really yellow here. The sun hangs kinda low in the sky, and you know it's gonna be dark soon enough.
Oh well, Turitopulis is supposed to be pretty close. You can make it there before dark and maybe rent a room at an inn. Can't be too hard.
Then again, you are kinda broke...
"It's your stop, lizard. Welcome to Plainstown," Terry tells you, "Time to pay up. Tips are appreciated."
"...I kinda... can't..?" You admit nervously.
Terry gives you a flabbergasted look. "DUDE."
"Uh- just ask Shedletsky for the cash!" You yelp out, "He's the one who basically sent me to you!"
"...ugh, fine." Terry says, rolling his eyes, "Just go do your stupid quest thing."
You quickly walk away, approaching the main body of the Plainstown airport as you ready yourself for the hell that is additional screening and metal detectors. Because the Almighty- uh- god- only knows how those things always go off whenever you go through them.
"The wilderness is calling to me!" A girl standing outside the door of the airport declares, and she notices you. She smiles brightly at the sight of you, "My, you're something I've never seen before!"
"Uh- yeah..." You admit, ears twitching. "I'm [Name]."
This is... new. Really new. She's staring at you like you're... interesting? Pretty, even? A complete stranger not staring at you like you're a monster? Huh...
Don't trust-
SHUT. UP.
"Name's Kyoko!" She tells you, sticking out a hand you hesitantly shake. Her grip is really firm though- jeez-
"I'm on my way to another adventure!" She eagerly explains, "You look like you're up for adventure, care to join?"
"S- sorry! I'm kinda on an important quest already..." You admit, "I wish I could..."
Honestly, this woman's brazen behavior awes and scares you simultaneously.
"Awww... that's okay!" She says, a little sheepish now, "Good luck with whatever you're hunting for, I'm rooting for you!"
You go into the airport and deal with you continuing to set of the metal detectors with your body and having to deal with additional screening, you finally make it out and get through Plainstown.
Walking through the plains was surprisingly easy and peaceful, with you not having to deal with any weird people. Well, human people. Just had to unfurl the bulb on your tail and use that ae your own personal bug zapper.
Though you had to go through an ant hill, where you made sure to keep yourself in your shrunk form at all times at the ants' request (you refurled your tail when you were in there to not accidentally harm any of the surprisingly nice ants in there).
You also helped out a talking rock to look up into the sky again and stare at crystals, and they helped you get out of the ant tunnel on the other side, which got you right out into a jungle.
From there, getting to Turitopulis was an easy walk, with your tail zapping any mosquitoes.
And the moment you stepped foot into the town, Kyoko waved at you and walked over.
"Hey! [Name]!" She said, "I can't believe you're here too! Welcome to Turitopulis!"
"Hi, Kyoko!" You said, stunned to see this woman again. "Th- thank you! Nice to see you..."
"Indeed it is!" She says chipperly, "I'm so excited to adventure out into the Rugged Rainforest... I heard the wildlife is super active at this time of day!"
"That's nice." You say, unsure of how to interact with someone like this.
"Oh, another thing! I-"
"SOMEONE!!! HELP!!!" An older man's voice screams out.
A shattering rings through the village as people panic, several running past you to hide. Even Kyoko cowers behind a fence at the sound.
You glance over at her, before racing to the sound. It's not just them that hid. The entire village is hiding in various places as you scamper through.
Finally though, you find a gorilla holding an old man upside down. There's even a walking cane on the ground.
An old man being bullied? Not on your watch!
You pull out your ball and toss it at the gorilla, ready to fight this thing.
Though a man your age comes out of nowhere and defects it with a crowbar. He laughs, completely red eyes narrowed as he grins smugly at you, showing off sharp red teeth with longer canines.
"L0L. U TH0UGHT." He says, snickering as his crowbar rests on his shoulder.
Huh? He talks in leetspeak? That's... uh... nice.
He's a bit taller than you, but not by too much. And if you count your horns, you're taller than him. He has gray skin that matches the old man's, and long and scruffy hair, that looks like it hasn't been brushed in days, that reaches his shoulders in length. He's got a baseball cap on, red and black in color, with a logo you don't recognize, and he's got on some sorta puffy yellow-green and black jacket, plus a black shirt and pants.
You tilt your head as he continues.
"D0N'T TRY 4NY M0RE FUNNY BUS1NESS, PUNK!" He tells you, as the old man keeps struggling as he's held up in the air, upside-down, by his foot. "1'LL BRE4K Y0' KNEECAPS!!"
"But I like my kneecaps..." You reply, ears drooping.
"S0 NO MOR3 FUNNY BUSIN3SS." He replies, twirling the crowbar. "TH4T SW0RD'S M1NE!!! AND HE'S G0NNA LEAD ME TO 1T! CYA, PUNK."
Wait, he's kidnapping an old man for the Venomshank? An old man you're fairly sure is Mayor Thaniyel?
Oh that is worse than old man bullying! It's old man kidnapping! Absolutely not!
Then you remember you basically have superspeed.
In a blink, you're over there and yoinking the old man away from the gorilla. You hold him over you head as you grin at the now stunned crowbar-wielding-guy. You also used your other pair of arms to grab the man's cane and some car keys.
"LOL, you thought!" You tell him, before zooming away sniggering.
"H3Y!!!!!" The crowbar-wielding-guy yells after you, "G3T BACK HER3, PUNK!!!"
You do not go back there, in fact, you zoom across town and adjust your hold on the old man so it's more bridal style than over your head.
"Are you okay?" You ask him, as he looks dazed.
"My head hurts..." He admits, "But thank you for interfering."
He looks over at you, staring directly at your horns. "...you have... lovely horns..?"
You smile at his uncertain words. "Thank you, sir! But what was that about?"
"I don't know..." The man frowns, "My son, Brad... he doesn't usually act like that. Not even close!"
"He's after the Venomshank, right?" You ask, curious.
"How do you know that?"
"Context clues and I've been sent here myself after it." You nervously say with a giggle, "Uh- you're Mayor Thaniyel, right?"
"Ah- yes." He says as you put him down, handing him back his car keys and cane. "Thank you, dear. So, you've been sent for the Venomshank?"
"Yes! Shedletsky did!" You say with a nod.
"I see..." He hums, "I believe you. John did call and tell me about this beautiful monster person who would be on their way to collect the Venomshank on his behalf. And I take that is you."
"Mhm!" You admit, blushing slightly at being referred to as 'beautiful'. "Uh... I'm guessing you're needed to get it? The Venomshank, I mean?"
"Yes..." He nods, looking shaken from being just sorta manhandled by a gorilla and then you.
"...so your own son is trying to kidnap you with a gorilla for a sword..." You murmur, thinking. "Well, I promise you I'll do everything I can to help keep you safe, Mayor!"
"Ah! Thank you!" He says, surprised.
"WHER3 4RE YOU, PUNK?!?!" Brad's voice tears through the air, making you and the Mayor flinch.
"...is that Jeep I saw yours?" You ask him.
"Yes, why?"
"We're gonna be taking that and going to wherever the Venomshank is, sir." You tell him, picking him up again, "Something, something, I'd rather not have broken kneecaps."
"Wha- WOAH-!" The Mayor yelps as you zoom over to the Jeep, plopping him down in the driver's side as you clamber onto the passenger's side and buckle yourself in.
He coughs, a bit dazed. "My, you are quick."
"I know." You say with a giggle.
"TH3RE Y0U AR3!!" You flinch and look over to see a very pissed off Brad storming over. "1'M GONN4 K1LL YOU, YA PUNK!!"
"Oh shit-" You yelp and bat slightly at Mayor Thaniyel with a hand. "Drive- DRIVE!"
"One moment-" He says, fumbling slightly as he starts up the car.
"DRIVE YOU SEXY OLD MAN, DRIVE!!!" You screech out, your mind flatlining on 'compliments make people wanna do things', your tail flicking over to press down on the gas for him.
You both lurch at the sudden speed, but the Mayor quickly regains his composure and keeps control over the vehicle as you both speed off, and Brad's yells and curses fade away as you two speed through the jungle.
You pull your tail away from the pedals to allow the Mayor to have more control over the car as you pull your knees to your chest, shaking slightly.
"...why is your son terrifying?" You ask, eyes wide as you stare blankly ahead.
"My boy isn't usually like that..." Mayor Thaniyel sighs, shaking his head, "What happened to my sweet baby?"
"..." You don't respond, since you don't know.
For several minutes, it's complete silence outside of the sounds of the car driving on the dirt road and the sounds of the tropical rainforest.
"Aren't you hot in your hoodie?" He suddenly asks you, "If that's what it is..."
"...I'm a bit toasty, yes..." You admit, "And it is a hoodie, I just adjusted it for my..."
"...extra arms?" He finishes for you as you trail off. "I see... feel welcome to take it off if you get to hot, dear. I'm not going to judge you for not being human."
"Really?" You ask him. He just glances over you and grins, showing he has the same red teeth and longer canines that Brad has. And you notice he has the same red eyes.
You hesitantly smile back, looking back at the road. He too returns his attention to the road.
"...wait aren't you wearing a green sweater vest?" You ask him, and he laughs and tells you there's a difference between what you and he wear.
Now there isn't much of a silence, more so just small talk between you two. My, he's very nice.
As you drive, you lose track of time. Though, eventually you see a large brown figure on the road.
"...stop the car." You say suddenly.
"Huh?" Mayor Thaniyel glances over at you, confused.
"STOP THE CAR!!" You repeat, your tail going over and slamming on the brake. The car skids to a stop, mere centimeters away from hitting what you only can guess is freaking Bigfoot.
They stare at you in stunned shock, and you and Mayor Thaniyel stare back.
"...please get off the road." You ask them, and they hesitantly go. "...thank you. Thaniyel, please step on the gas."
"...I-"
"Please just... step on the gas. And we all pretend we didn't just nearly hit this poor guy with a car."
"...okay."
And off you two go again, Bigfoot just watching you two.
That was... an experience...
--☆☆☆--
Eventually, though, the jungle gets too dense, and you and Mayor Thaniyel are forced to walk. You'd superspeed, but... you don't know where you're going. And when you don't know where you're going and you speed around, you get super lost. Like, lost to the point you once went to what you can only describe as the Backrooms.
Never again.
Though, you're concerned for this old man who uses a cane to walk.
"Are you gonna be fine?" You ask him, eyes squinted in worry at the sight of him adjusting his grip on his cane.
"Dear, I live here." He tells you with a kind smile, "I'm going to be able to get around easily. If I need anything, though, I promise to tell you."
"...okay..." You say, and you watch him go get a large bag from the trunk of the car, "What's that?"
"Sleeping supplies," He tells you, "The jungle is dense and it'll take some time to get to our destination. I pack for emergencies, and we're definitely going to need to sleep at night."
"Ah, okay," You say, not complaining. "You take the more comfy sleeping bag, though. I'm used to sleeping in less than comfortable spaces. I'll be okay."
He gives you a look, but doesn't protest.
He just leads you through the jungle, and points out trees you can smack and get things like coconuts from. It was then he learned you, a, love coconut and, b, eat a ton of food.
He legitimately saw you eat five coconuts as you walked, and how you just... bit through the shells. Your tail even wagged like you were some kinda dog.
The sight made him chuckle and he mentioned how cute you were. You blushed in response.
And eventually, you two got to a river.
"...how are we supposed to cross this?" You ask, confused by how there are no stones or anything to skip across.
"Oh dear, I fear we may need to find another route." Thaniyel said with a frown, "Don't worry, I know how to-"
"ST0P RUNN1NG, PUNK!!" Brad orders as he drops down from... who knows where, the gorilla close behind him.
"...how did you get here?" You ask him, tail wrapping around the Mayor's waist so he can't just be yoinked away from you.
"I STOL3 A C4R." He replies, twirling his crowbar menacingly.
"...Brad, you can't do that." You say as Thaniyel erupts in a, "YOU WHAT!?!"
"SHUT UP." Brad warns you, glowering at you both. "B0TH OF Y0U. 1DI0TS. I'M G3TTING TH4T SW0RD, AND Y0U WON'T ST0P M3."
"...dude, you tried to kidnap your dad." You tell him, expression blanking. "I'm a hundred percent stopping you."
"Brad, please-" Mayor Thaniyel says, looking desperate, "Don't do this..."
"D0 TH1S? OH, I'M D0ING TH1S." He retorts, tightening his grip on the crowbar. "I'M T1RED OF Y0UR BULLSH1T. BOTH 0F Y0U." He points the crowbar at the Mayor. "Y0U H4D YOUR CHANCE, 4ND YOU W4STED 1T."
"Please... I'm sorry..." He pleads, as Brad grits his teeth.
"1T'S TOO LATE." He says, approaching slowly, "Y0U'VE PUSH3D ME AR0UND MY WH0LE L1F3. AND N0W, NOW TH4T HE H4S G1VEN IT T0 ME..."
You look over at Mayor Thaniyel, silently questioning the kind of family drama you got into.
"N0W, N0W YOU C0WER BEFOR3 ME?!" Brad asks, and you scowl and take a step forward, pulling your claymore into your hands defensively.
Brad scowls at you. "Y 0 U. THE M 0 N S T 3 R ' S PLAY1NG HERO."
"...haha."
"HAHA!!"
"H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!"
He almost bends over he's laughing so hard, but you don't waiver. You just steady yourself.
"L0L, U THOUGHT." He tells you, wiping a non-existent tear from his eyes. "IM4GINE THINK1NG YOU'R3 A HER0 WHEN YOU'RE JUST A FR3AK!"
"Brad-" Thaniyel says, sounding a little frustrated.
"SHUT UP!!!" Brad orders his father, scoffing as he looks at you. "C0ME G3T SOME, MONST3R-PUNK."
Then you notice the gorilla about to grab Mayor Thaniyel. You yank the older man out of the way, and dart over to kick the thing in the stomach, being careful not to scratch it with your claws as you back up, guarding Thaniyel.
Brad just rolls his eyes and stops at the ground, and you jump back in surprise as rocks just seem to erupt from the ground.
"...can he just like... do that?" You ask, concerned.
"No." Thaniyel immediately answers.
"...oh." You say, releasing the Mayor from your tail as you motion him back and use your dynamite on the rock.
It explodes with little resistance, but a very angry Komodo Dragon climbs out from a hole in the rocks, angrily roaring as it charges.
You just sorta bitch-slap it with your tail. Don't worry, you're careful not to have your spike out so you don't hurt it too much. But the slap has to sting.
Mayor Thaniyel watches as you just sorta, nudge the Komodo Dragon aside when it charges again and tries to tail smack you.
Then you just kinda flip it over and it squirms for a moment, before-
"Good Heavens!" It says, having a surprisingly... British woman-esc voice. "I've been thoroughly stomped despite you not doing much..."
"...sorry!" You squeak out, "I panicked..."
Thaniyel quickly hobbles over, "Are you alright, [Name]? Did Komodo Dragon hurt you much?"
"Oh my! Thaniyel, is that you?" The Komodo Dragon seems to smile.
"You two know eachother?" You ask, confused.
"Of course we know eachother, you large oaf!" The Komodo Dragon scoffs, "How dastardly! Strollin' by a lady's gaff only to botch my front porch?! Been tryin' to get out for weeks!! Real cheesed off I am!! At least you have the decency to bring my dear friend..."
"No, no! [Name] here just cleared up the debris!" Thaniyel quickly explains, "They're completely innocent."
"Well! Call me chuffed!" She says with a smile, "What a mega sweet one you are! And a friend of Thaniyel's? Pardon my codswallop! I've been mitted for days... Couldn't feed my babies!"
"I apologize for not noticing you were trapped in your own home sooner, Komodo Dragon," Thaniyel says, "Otherwise I would've swung by to clear up this mess."
"Oh, thank you dearly, Thaniyel!" The Komodo Dragon says, "And my, they even know how to use that dynamite proper! You must really know your onions, lad!"
You just... hesitantly nod, very confused. You don't speak British...
"Well, pardon! How could I be so unladylike!" The Komodo Dragon turns around, beckoning you with her tail, "I've got a lil' somethin' for you, dearie!"
She crawls in, and you glance at Thaniyel.
"I suppose you have a Shrink card?" He asks you. You nod.
"Would you like to learn how to use it on multiple people at once?" You nod again.
And then he teaches you, you try it out on you two, and in you both go.
...those are some huge eggs you have no idea how came out of that Komodo Dragon unless she's also able to shrink and stuff.
You head over as the Komodo Dragon hands you these things called Rocket Boots, and you sag slightly because god forbid you wear shoes again. Thaniyel seems to recognize this and then you three work together to customize the boots to comfortably fit on you feet.
You three even share some tea and you compliment the Komodo Dragon's children, which makes her pleased.
By the time it's all over and you're heading out, you're being invited back over again for another visit sometime. You agree, and before you know it, Thaniyel and you are walking out into a rainforest illuminated by the moon.
"...We were in there much longer than I expected us to be." You admit, surprised.
"We were," Thaniyel says with a chuckle, "My, you are quite the kind one, dear. I'm lucky to have met you, even if I wish it was under... better circumstances."
"...thank you." You reply, embarrassed.
"My, you're partner must be quite the lucky one." He muses.
"Ah? I'm single..." You admit.
"You are? My, I would've thought someone as lovely as you may have gotten a partner."
"I'm not that lucky..."
"Well, I hope that changes soon." He says.
You nod, but feel a bit confused at the look he gives you. You can't read it, though. It's almost... wistful, in a way.
You pause at the sight of flipper marks in the ground, but shrug it off as you and Thaniyel go off to find a good spot to camp.
You asked him why you couldn't just camp here, but Thaniyel told you it'd be impolite to sleep uninvited on someone else's property.
You just helped Thaniyel cross the river with your new boots and you two keep going until you come across a giant mango tree you two decide to set up camp other.
You think you saw Bigfoot up there, but they didn't bother you so you didn't bother them.
It was then you learned you had no idea how to camp.
"It's like you've never done this before." Thaniyel says with a chuckle as you try and fail to set-up a tent for the fourteenth time.
"I mean... it is." You confess, ears drooping.
Immediately, he pauses. "...oh, I- I see."
You just let him take over setting up the tent, and eventually you and he just sit under the night sky, him hovering close.
"You are quite warm." He notes, eyes glittering as he stares at you.
"Side effect of my abilties," You explain, "I'm like a little heater. It can get... uncomfortable though."
You pull off your hoodie, glad you have a shirt on underneath. Of course, you had to spend hours adjusting this shirt so you could wear it without your back spikes damaging the clothing, but it was worth it.
"...your spikes are lovely." Thaniyel quickly tells you, and you smile slightly at him.
Silence falls between you two, and wrap your tail around your legs.
"...what did Brad mean by you 'pushing him around'?" You ask, and pause as the Mayor averts his eyes, "If- if ya wanna explain."
"..." Thaniyel lets out a low sigh, "...as I'm the current guardian of the Venomshank, it means Brad is next in line to be the guardian. But... that damned sword..."
"It's cursed," He finishes after a long moment, "It's a cursed thing, and I'll be damned if anyone uses it to hurt others. If I could, I wouldn't even be leading you to it. But I have to since Shedletsky needs it. I want Brad far away from it for his own safety, but... it seems he believes he's ready for it, at the very least."
You hesitate, unsure of what to reply with. "...did you ever tell him of the dangers the Venomshank has..? Like, what it could do?"
Thaniyel hesitates. "...no."
"So you only told him to stay away?" You ask, raising an eyebrow, "...I mean, it makes sense why he thinks he deserves the sword now. You never explained to him the dangers, and he's reacting like he should have it now."
The Mayor avoids looking at you in the eye, and you sigh as you look up at the stars.
"...people are rash. They see something, don't listen or consider other possibilities outside of what jumps into their head." You say, "For most people when they see me, I'm a monster. And for your son, Brad, he probably saw the sword, thinks he deserves it, and refuses to consider other possibilities because no one has sat him down and explained anything."
"...you're quite emotionally intelligent." Thaniyel tells you, smiling faintly at you. "Thank you for helping to open my eyes, dear. You're... quite the wonderful person."
"...of course," You say with a smile, trying to ignore the second statement, "It's the least I could do."
Another silence falls between you two.
"...where's Brad's mother in all of this?" You ask, confused, "Shouldn't she... like... be a part of this?"
You freeze as Thaniyel flinches, grimacing. "She... isn't involved."
"...I'm so sorry." You say suddenly, "I didn't mean-"
"No, no. It's fine," The Mayor says, trying to ease you, "You had no idea. It's okay. Don't worry."
"..." You just grimace, internally cursing yourself for being an idiot.
Thaniyel also remains silent, before quietly sighing. "Don't blame yourself for things you didn't know, dear. You're much better you think of yourself."
"...okay..." Is all you respond with, taking in a deep breath. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being so... kind to me."
--☆☆☆--
Unfortunately, your light sleep curse-of-sorts doesn't let up. You get merely an hour of slumber before the sounds of the rainforest wake you up, and you decide to just sit outside the tent and keep watch.
And, merely twenty minutes after you creep out, Brad shows up. This time, he's alone, no gorilla being nearby.
His eyes widen at the sight of you, and he scowls. "Y 0 U."
"I could say the same thing," You muse, standing up. You don't pull out your claymore. You just stare down the man who acts like a teenager playing COD.
"G3T OUT OF MY W4Y." He orders you, pissed off, "I NE3D HIM TO PULL TH4T SW0RD FOR M3. ST4Y OUTT4 TH1S, M0NSTER-PUNK."
"I'd rather not," You reply, "I'd rather not have you get hurt thanks to the Venomshank."
"HURT? H4! LIKE 1'D G3T HURT BY A SW0RD." Brad scoffs, "I'M N0T STUP1D. I C4N HANDL3 A SW0RD."
"Brad-"
"DON'T C4LL ME TH4T!!" He orders you suddenly, "I'M GRI3FER. NOT FUCK1NG BR4D."
"...honestly if I was named Brad, I'd be evil too..." You whisper under your breath, before speaking up. "Okay... Griefer, take a breath. There's a reason your father tries to keep you away from the Venomshank."
"LIK3 TH4T MATT3RS." Griefer tells you, ticked off, "I D3SERV3 THAT SW0RD. YOU HAV3 N0 RE4SON TO B3 LED TO 1T LIKE A L0ST D0G."
"...actually I was literally sent here to get it..." You reply, scratching the back of your head.
"AND MY D4D IS JUST FIN3 WITH T4KING Y0U TO 1T?" He scoffs, "TH3 ONLY REAS0N HE'D D0 TH4T IS 1F SH3DLETSKY S3NT Y0U, AND HE'S BEEN T4KEN CAR3 OF."
"...what do you mean?" You ask, confused.
"MY TWO MERC3NAR1ES + THE1R B0SS JUMPED HIM!" Griefer says, sniggering, "ONLY H3 AND MY D4D CAN PULL TH4T SW0RD, AND W1TH HIM G0NE, I'M SETTL1NG F0R MY OWN F4THER TO PULL TH4T SW0RD!!"
"...you know Shedletsky is fine, right?" You ask, ears twitching. "Just saw him earlier today. Got him a bucket of fried chicken. How is he so cheerful despite being in a full body cast? I have no clue."
"..." Griefer shakes slightly, "H E ' S A L I V E ?"
"...hahah..."
"H4H4H4!!!"
"H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4!!!!!!"
You flinch at Griefer's hysterical laughter, and as he suddenly stops and glowers at you.
"L1AR." He tells you, seething, "D1E."
--☆☆☆--
You managed to put a stop to Griefer's fight as you pinned him down, a foot pressed firm on his chest as the guy wheezes, and you swear he lets out a snake-like hiss.
"...you done?" You ask him, stabbing your claymore into the ground as Griefer wheezes a bit. You tap one of your claws on his chest, and he's just... too winded to really fight back or try to flip you off him.
"CHE4TER..." He hisses at you, glowering at you as he pants. "YOU'R3 TOO QU1CK FOR Y0UR 0WN GOOD..."
"...uh... okay?" You reply, confused. "But like... dude... you need to learn when to give up... I'm not gonna just let you... kidnap your father for a stupid sword."
At your words, Griefer tries to grab you ankle and flip you off him. It backfires and just makes it so you're laying on top of him.
You immediately sit up, your knees on the ground as you still sort of pin down Griefer and his eyes widen in surprise, but then they narrow again.
"D4MMIT..." He scowls, "IT'S N0T A "STUP1D SW0RD", IT'S MY D4MN RIGHT AS TH3 N3XT GUARDIAN!!"
"Shhh... you're gonna wake up your father." You tell him, covering his mouth with a hand as you give him a pointed look. "Let the poor guy sleep. I think he's lost hair by worrying over you. At the very least, let him have a break."
Griefer only glares at you as you continue. "What's wrong with you? You try to hurt Shedletsky, who did nothing to you, try to kidnap your own father, and try to harm me. Do you know how lucky you are?"
"Look, I don't know much-" You say, not removing your hand from over his mouth- "But I know your father cares about you and wants your safety. Someday you'll be the guardian of the Venomshank, but if your own father sounds terrified at the mere idea of the sword, don't you think he has a reason to keep it away from you?"
You frown, shaking your head. "Dammit, you don't care about my words, do you? Wait- are you licking my hand?!"
You pull your hand away from his mouth, wiping off your now slick palm on your shirt with a grimace. Griefer lunges, but you wrap your tail around his neck and yank him away from you, sighing.
"Griefer..." You say as he struggles against you, "Is it wrong I almost wish I was you?"
That makes him pause. "WH4T?"
"Like- you have so much!" You say, rubbing your forehead, "You have a loving father, genuine friends, and a home. I'm- I'm a monster with no parents, friends I have to struggle to keep or even get, and I'm stuck in the past. I don't know if I'll even get home."
You try not to cry, try not to let everything weigh down on you, try not to crumble.
And god, you hear the voices of the Ice Dagger again for the first time in hours.
Stop being weak.
He's going to use you.
You're going to be in more danger.
"Why do you get so much stuff and just... don't care?" You ask, "I usually am living in an apartment that's only one room with a bathroom. I sleep on a couch. I barely have a job. But you... you have so much and you want more? What makes you need this sword so much? You're gonna get it at some point, why now?"
Griefer stares at you as you take a breath. You shake slightly, and Griefer scowls.
"YOU'RE A CRYB4BY." He tells you, before hesitating, "...BUT... UH..."
Silence falls between you two, and you take a breath and release Griefer from your tail's grip.
"...I'm sorry." You say, "It's just... I've been kinda stressed. And haven't been taking time to really process the fact I'm stuck in the past. And... god, a lot of stuff."
Weakling.
Seriously? Why are you being emotionally vulnerable with him?
You can do so much better.
"...you're so lucky, and I don't understand why you don't see that..." You say with a sigh, rubbing your forehead.
"YOU KN0W NOTH1NG." Griefer tells you, before hesitating. "...BUT... D4MN. YOUR LIF3 SUCKS."
"..." You sit there, a little sad as you don't look at him.
"..." Griefer also stays quiet, before tapping his crowbar. "YOU R3ALLY H4VE NO PAR3NTS?"
"No..." You reply, "Back when I was a really young kid, I probably had some. I think I did at least... but not anymore. The closest thing I had were the scientists who'd poke and prod and study me, but those really weren't parents."
"..." Griefer just stares at you, and you rub the back of your head.
"Look, I... I just want you to leave your dad alone for the night. Let him sleep." You say, "I know you aren't happy with me just... getting the Venomshank, but it's for Builderman's safety. I promise I'll give it back, and you'll get it someday. I promise."
Griefer just stays silent, but nods slightly. You smile and thank him, before leaving and going back into the tent.
Griefer just rubs his face, hoping you didn't notice his blush in the dark. God... you're a crybaby, but you're weirdly fine. Dammit.
You pay no mind, just flopping down on your sleeping bag as a- thankfully still asleep- Thaniyel mumbles about being cold in his sleep.
"You're cold?" You quietly ask him, and he mumbles a sleepy sorta 'yes' in response. You chuckle slightly as you try to fall asleep, but are startled as Thaniyel- still asleep- suddenly curls over and grabs onto you, snuggling close.
He's really cold, like a snake or lizard that's been away from any heat source for a long period of time, but he seems desperate to cling to your warm body.
You don't fuss, you just sigh and decide to let this poor exhausted old man be warm, even if it means cuddling you.
You just close your eyes and try to sleep.
You aren't even awake when someone uses their knowledge of the jungle to make sure you don't wake up for a little while.
--☆☆☆--
Your head pounds when you finally wake up, and you pause when you realize how high the sun is in the sky. You sit up, and realize Thaniyel is gone, with the clear signs of a struggle remaining.
Immediately, you're out of the tent and looking around, eyes wide. Written in the ground is the words '1 let him sleep, bab3'.
Babe? Who the fuck is calling you 'babe'?
Wait a minute...
...
Oh shit.
You try to recall how Thaniyel told you the Venomshank is nearby and how it's at the top of a tree (that Griefer apparently also made to be his hangout spot or something? You don't know). Immediately, you go.
It doesn't take long to get to the tree or get past the puzzle to get in, and the tree people inside are very nice, but comment on Griefer and Thaniyel. One even mentioned how Griefer seemed weirdly excited for someone- someone you guessed was you- to come play hero or something.
You had a bad feeling. A really bad feeling.
Finally, though, you got to the top of the tree and entered his crib. Griefer stands at the center of the room, just behind a green sword- the Venomshank- lodged in the stone, with his father's hands tied to the blade.
"TH1S IS YOUR L4ST CH4NCE," Griefer warns his father, "PULL. THE. SW0RD."
"I... I don't..." His father weakly says, shaking slightly.
"GIVE. IN." Griefer repeats, and you hear the whispers of the Venomshank.
Pull me out.
Let me free.
"SHEDLETSKY'S ALRE4DY BEEN DE4LT W1TH," Griefer says, lying through his teeth, "NOW Y0U'RE ALLLLLL AL0NE."
"Brad..." Thaniyel pleads, desperation seeping into his voice, "Please don't do this..."
Then he notices you.
"Oh my goodness!! [Name], you need to get out of here!" He tells you, panicking.
Griefer slowly looks over, and the feral grin that creeps onto his face scares you slightly.
"THER3 YOU 4RE..." He says, sounding uncomfortably gleeful now, like any hatred for you just... died, "I W4S WOND3RING WHEN THE H3RO WAS G0NNA SHOW UP. I'VE BEEN WA1TING FOR Y0U, B4BE... SO HAV3 THEY. YOU. AR3. M1NE."
He yoinks his father up, Thaniyel being essentially forced to pull the sword out. Griefer pulls it out of his hands, tossing his father aside as he relishes in holding the blade.
Yesss! Freedom!
"YES... Y E S . . . THE VOICES..." Griefer lets out a feral little giggle, relishing in this, "I CAN HEAR TH3M AGA1N..."
Who's that cutie standing like a hero right there?
They're kinda cute...
I can see why you like them...
"THANIYEL!" Is all you can focus on, and you immediately rush over to check on him. This results in you wincing and screeching as a crowbar hits you, slicing you clean across the arm.
"NO! ST0P FOCUS1NG ON HIM!!" Griefer orders you, enraged, "ST4Y 4WAY FROM MY D4D!! Y0U. BELONG. TO. M3!!"
Maybe they love your father...
What? Okay wait-
I think they do...
Okay you don't like old men and women that much-
How could they love your own father and not you? You saw them cuddling...
Okay wait it wasn't that freaky-
Griefer is fully listening to the voices, the Venomshank being held tightly in his hand so hard his fingers are white.
Slice them up. Let us strike them, and they won't ever leave you...
"..." Griefer stares you down, seething, "...I'M T1RED OF Y0U ACTING LIK3 THIS. I'M GOING T0 SLICE. YOU. UP. CYA, B4BE."
--☆☆☆--
You fought him desperately. You had no clue what the Venomshank would do to you if it's blade pierced your skin, but you figured from Thaniyel's fear and the voice's whispers, it couldn't be good.
You both panted as a result, you having just sliced him across the chest with your claymore. Thaniyel spent the entire time trying to struggle out of his binds, and Griefer shook from his injuries.
At the very least, you didn't electrocute him.
"...IT'S..." He wheezes, hand pressed into the ground as you stayed upright. "...IT'S ALL JUST A S1CK PR4NK, ISN'T 1T?"
You hesitate as he continues.
"THE VOICES... THEY KN3W THE ENT1RE TIME THIS WOULD HAPP3N..." He pants, "THE1R GARB4GE L1ES ABOUT THE FUTURE WERE R3AL. ABOUT Y O U. TH3Y SET ME UP... JUST TO WATCH ME BURN..."
"h4h."
"H4h4h4!!!"
"H4H4H4H4H4H4H4HH4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4H4!!!!"
He grits his teeth as he stands up, hysterical laughter dying on his tongue, staggering slightly.
"N O . . . I D 0 N ' T C A R E A N Y M O R E." His eyes stare directly into yours, and he grins, "S C R 3 W T H E P L A N. S C R 3 W T H E P R 0 P H 3 C Y."
"A L L I W 4 N T . . ."
"I S Y O U."
Then Griefer tosses away his crowbar, raises the Venomshank, and plunges it into his own thigh.
"BRAD!!!! NO!!!!!!" Thaniyel cries out, horrified.
Griefer laughs, collapsing to the ground, as you helplessly watch plant life erupt from Griefer's wounds, ensnaring and reshaping his body until you're left facing a giant plant monster.
It roars, almost laughing, waving what you think are arms, and charges.
It catches you off guard, and you're knocked back by the attack. All of its vine-like, spider-like feet dig into the ground, several of them pinning down your limbs as it chomps down on your right arm.
You screech as its teeth pierce through your scales and flesh, and it lets out an almost pleased snarl.
Your second pair of arms claws at its bony and plant-rich torso, and it hisses and draws back. Your tail unfurls and stabs into it, but it's not too phased by the electricity coursing through it beyond the Venomshank falling out of its body and clattering to the ground.
You scream in pain as one of its legs stabs into your thigh, and you desperately try pulling away as it seems to try and grab the Venomshank, seemingly intent on using it on you.
You slice at its head and manage to avoid its next stab, this time with the Venomshank, and pull away.
You can't handle this on your own... you need help...
And then you remember a certain someone's gift to you.
You pull out the King's call card, slamming it into the ground as it glows. In a gust of cold, he steps forth, holding his scepter as he stands regally before you.
With a single scan of the room, he takes in your cowering form, Thaniyel still tied up, and Griefer- now more like a Bubonic Plant if anything- snarling at the sight of the new figure.
"..." The King stares down at you from the corner of his eye. "Do not fear, little bird. This shall not be in vain. No more harm shall befall you as long as I am here."
He slams his scepter into the ground, and you manage to rise, using the Ice Dagger to heal yourself, feeling like now you have a chance to win this without killing the Bubonic Plant, hoping this is somehow reversible.
Please, let this be reversible...
--☆☆☆--
With the King's help, the Bubonic Plant finally collapses to the ground, and you stand on shaking legs as your black blood oozes from your wounds. The moment you free Thaniyel from his binds, he rushes to check on his son.
"I can't believe it..." He murmurs, as the King helps support your body so you don't collapse. "I... I can't believe..."
Your wounds practically burn as you lean on the king, the cold temperature of his body a welcome feeling as it helps numb the pain.
"Shedletsky warned me about Builderman, but..." Thaniyel tears up a bit, hugging his son's monsterous form close. "I never thought they'd go after my own child. My little boy."
The King averts his gaze, focusing on making sure you're alright. You don't look away, you can't-
"He's still breathing..." Thaniyel says, and his relief eases you knowing Griefer is still alive, "I'll call up the doctors in Turitopulis. I know this is reversible, but..."
Thaniyel pauses, glancing over at you and the King.
"Thank you." He says, tearing up, "Thank you so much."
You nod, and then try to gently push the King out of here. This isn't your place to be right now.
"Wait..." Thaniyel says, mostly to you, but hesitates, recognizing and understanding your intentions. "...take this cursed thing. Take it far away. Where nobody can get hurt again. Please."
You nod, taking the Venomshank and putting it away with the Ice Dagger, ignoring both of the whispers they give you.
You usher the King out, going with him before Thaniyel can say anything else.
"I love you..." You hear him murmur, and you aren't sure who it's directed at. Though, it must be for his son, yes? It has to be...
...right?
...
You aren't sure as you collapse unconsious from the wounds you sustained and the blood loss you faced.
All you know is that you are never forgetting the horrors you faced today.
303 notes · View notes
enjakey · 3 months ago
Text
Light Switch in the Dark
Or, the train to Paris that led to Shanghai
Pairing: architect!Sunghoon x author!fem!reader
TWN | (30k) | strangers to lovers, right person wrong time | a single perfect night could change the course of everything | so much yearning | angst, suicide, blood, mental health issues, loneliness, loss of partners, reader gets Alzheimer’s | not your average happy story and very sad ending ig | written into five distinct parts, each framing a significant point in their lives | heavily inspired by HIMYM and Grey's Anatomy.
Summary: two strangers travelling on the same path with different journeys in mind meet on a train to France. They spend a night of adventure, only to part ways the next morning. A decade later, they cross paths again in a book store in Shanghai. They’re both different people now, obviously, with so much life under their belts- success, loss, age. But the spark of the train still flickered between them. Did that mean the pair would live happily ever after or would they still have to struggle the curveballs thrown at them- Alzheimer’s, depression and utter fear of mortality?
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i. The Train to France
The train was part of an old European railway network- one that spanned four countries, took three days, and moved like it was in no rush to arrive. Neither were the passengers. Most people opted for this train because it was slow and tranquil, because it was built for expansive journeys and for people that wanted a break, an escape from their lives.
Outside the window, the world blurred in gentle motion. Some places looked untouched with rolling pastures dotted with wildflowers, sleepy cottages tucked into hillsides and rivers that stitched their way across valleys like threads of silver. Occasionally, the train slipped by cities, glass buildings flickering in the reflection of early afternoon sun or passed small towns where the houses were still painted in vibrant pinks and yellows and bougainvillea grew like wild weed. Sometimes, the train passed through forgotten stations where no one ever boarded and no one wanted to get off.
Inside the train, things were quiet. It wasn’t the quiet that hushed like peace but the kind that vibrated with restrained life. Babies cooed or cried in soft bursts, children were coaxed to sleep, tourists tried to speak over headphone wires to gesture at maps (that were far beyond folding back) with crooked fingers and somewhere in the coach, there was an old married couple who started off with affectionate intent but ended up in an argument their son was trying to fix. There was also an old man with wiry hair that was asleep, his walking stick clutched between his knees like a weapon- so one saw him eat or drink water or even wake up, but the steady rise and fall of his chest indicated his life.
There were families with matching suitcases, travel groups with heavy coats and light eyes and lovers who couldn’t stop touching each other and then there were people like Y/N who boarded in Istanbul alone and waited for their destination in France alone.
She sat by the window with a modest stack of books beside her- books she tended to read again and books she had never read before, waiting to be explored. She told herself that in the three day train ride, she would finish reading them- but honestly, she was far from it. Some were underlined and dog-eared, others held paper scraps as bookmarks that no longer made sense. It was easy to get distracted in that train, as surprising as it was. Watching the scenery would immediately have her hand itching towards her pen to fill her notebook- her notebook that now lay open in front of her, nearly every page covered in scattered handwriting and ink-smudged sketches of things she noticed. People, trees, buildings, the flow of the rivers. And not all the words in her notebook made sense. Some were quotes she found and forgot to cite, some were just scribbles that looked like Russian cursive- absentminded movements of a restless hand.
There was an empty coffee cup tipped slightly on its side, leaving a pale brown ring on the edge of a page. When she grew bored of writing or reading, Y/N dipped her fingertips into the puddled remains of it, painting quick strokes in the margins- little trees, the silhouette of a bird mid-flight, a sketch of a mountain that might have been a memory or a dream.
That was all she really did in the first two days of the trip- read, wrote, watched the world move backwards from the glass. Sometimes, she liked to pretend like she was leaving things behind to start a new life, to create a new identity as the eccentric traveler. But Y/N could never be that- she was too quiet, too grounded into her reality. And perhaps, that was where her loneliness stemmed from. She felt lonely- not in the heavy, aching sense that people seemed to love succumbing to. This was the loneliness she had grown immune to- a dull companion that hummed in the background but never really asked for attention. 
Now, at twenty-five, Y/N was content with it. She grew accustomed to the quiet. She liked that her days were filled with Greek and Latin literature and academia while her nights were stolen by books and philosophical texts to analyse. She liked that she needed no one- this was enough.
Outside, the sky had begun to change- the golden wash of the late afternoon slipped into a cooler blue, edges softened by lavender. Towns gave way to sharper silhouettes of buildings and the world wasn’t moving backwards anymore, slowly catching up to Y/N’s pace. The train began to slow down as it curved the edges of a waking city.
Y/N looked up as the wheels beneath her softened into a screeching halt. The platform signs were in German now. People were beginning to stir, stretch and gather their things- people who left were replaced by new passengers. Her fingers were still damp with coffee. She wiped them on the inside of her sleeve and closed her notebook with a sigh, head leaning against the window again.
Zurich.
She wasn’t getting off here, but the brief lull in motion always felt significant- like the story might shift if you paid close enough attention.
And it did.
Because somewhere amidst the movement of passengers, the hiss of doors, and the tired shuffle of new bodies settling into old seats, someone slipped into the space across from her. No suitcase, no coat- ust a tall cup of coffee, a phone, and a man with dark eyes and an expression that said very little.
He didn’t ask if the seat was taken- he didn’t need to. For the first time since Y/N got on the train, the seat across from her had been claimed. It was out of pure luck, she thought, that no one wanted to occupy it- there were either enough seats or not enough passengers. Perhaps, this time, it was that there were no more seats left to occupy but the seat in front of her.
The man just looked at her, nodded once like they were already acquainted and turned to face the window. And just like that, the table she had thought was hers alone- her sanctuary of scribbles and silence- was now shared. And Y/N, for the first time in two days, found herself watching something other than the world outside.
Y/N tried not to stare, she really did. 
But there was something curious about him- this stranger who came bearing nothing but a steaming drink and a phone he hadn’t looked at once since sitting down. He leaned back against the seat like he’d done this before, like he belonged to this train more than the tracks did. His eyes moved slowly across the scenery as if he were trying to memorize the shapes of things. He looked so fresh, so bright despite the scowl look of his resting face- sharp eyes and eyebrows, a clenched jaw.
He didn’t look out of place. But he definitely didn’t look like he was a local either. His hoodie, navy in color and looking stiff, gave it away- it was brand new, most likely bought in account for a trip.
She returned to her notebook, flipping to a clean page. The tips of her fingers were still stained with coffee. Without thinking, she began painting again- small birds, crooked rooftops, the tracks the very train moved on.
He noticed.
“You draw with coffee?” he asked, his voice low, lined with amusement.
Y/N blinked. It was the first time anyone had spoken to her on this train. She glanced up. “Only when I run out of ink.” It felt new to even be talking. It felt like she hadn’t heard her own voice in eternity- she almost sounded foreign to herself.
He smiled at that, and it softened him. “Seems inefficient.”
“Only slightly,” she said. “But I like the color. Feels more honest than black ink.”
He nodded thoughtfully and sipped his coffee. “That’s poetic.”
“I’m a writer,” she said, as if it explained everything.
“Ah,” he gestured to the pile of books beside her. “I figured you were either that or a librarian on the run.”
A small laugh slipped out of her before she could stop it. “Wouldn’t that be something?”
“Depends. Did you commit a literary crime?”
She leaned forward slightly, propping her chin on her hand. “I guess I stole too many endings that weren’t mine.”
Something shifted in his expression, a flicker of interest deeper than casual banter. “Then maybe we’re both criminals.”
She raised a brow. “You’re a writer too?”
He shook his head. “Architect. I steal pieces of cities and try to turn them into buildings.”
“That sounds noble,” she said, tilting her head. “Or maybe romantic.”
“It’s mostly just paperwork and disappointment,” he admitted. “But maybe, if I’m lucky, I’ll get to build something that stays.”
Y/N fell quiet at that, because she knew exactly what he meant.
“So,” he said, tapping his cup lightly against the table, “how does this work? Do we exchange names now, or do we pretend we’re ghosts passing through each other’s lives?”
She studied him a moment longer, then extended her hand across the table.
“Y/N.”
He took it, his grip warm and firm. “Sunghoon.”
And just like that, the train began to move again, slowly at first, then with a growing rhythm.
The scenery shifted once more. But the air between them was different now- thinner, sparking. Something had changed. Not loudly, not all at once. But enough for Y/N to realize that loneliness had finally taken a step back. And someone else had taken its seat.
The train hummed like a lullaby beneath their feet as Europe unfolded around them under moonlight. Seats hummed with quiet life, arranged in open clusters with personal tables- no compartments, no doors to close behind. Just people and stories and the soft flicker of overhead lights as the train curved gently around valleys and mountains alike. In the corner of it all was Y/N and Sunghoon, listening to each other share life stories- two attractive strangers, staring into each other's eyes like this was permanent. 
Y/N told him about her degree in Greek literature and how her parents were against it when she first announced her decision. Their distaste towards her academic goal was understandable- what kind of living would their daughter make out of such a fickle degree? And truth be told, Y/N was struggling. After graduating, she barely made a living through small writing gigs and coffee shop jobs as a barista. Now, she was on the hunt for a story to hopefully write her first book- hence her lonesome presence on a three day train, from Istanbul to France. 
“Oh, you haven’t published yet?”
“That’s why I call myself a writer. Not an author yet,” she grinned, hiding her embarrassment. 
“There’s a difference?” Sunghoon’s brows raised.
“It’s clear how much you don’t read.”
Sunghoon listened with the kind of attention that didn't feel performative. His gaze didn’t waver, but it didn’t press either. Just there… with his warm curiosity towards this new person he met.
And when Y/N finally asked him to speak about himself, he started ranting about his architecture career- twenty-seven years in the making, since the day he was born. Apparently, when he was born, his parents went to an astrologer who said that Sunghoon would grow up to be an architect. And the gola never changed, only manifested deeper into him as he grew up- from stacking legos that stood taller than his body as a kid to his professors adoring his models in college. 
“I just want to contribute to a skyline,” he said. “Doesn’t matter which city. Doesn’t even have to be famous. I just… I want people to look up and feel something.” His voice grew softer. “My boss doesn’t get it. He’s just… numbers and deadlines and grey rectangles.”
There was something oddly touching in that, a boyish idealism that had somehow survived into adulthood. He wasn’t jaded- not fully.
“Is he a brutalist?” Y/N asked.
“No, he’s just… boring. And brutalist architecture isn’t boring.”
He explained he’d been on a trip across Europe with his two best friends- a plan they’d made years ago, when life was still about university cafeterias and late-night dreams. But he’d broken off from the group for a detour to Zurich, to see his younger sister, now studying there. It had been a short, sweet visit. Familiar in the way only siblings could be- awkward hugs, sarcasm, shared complaints about their mother’s relentless texts. Now, he was rejoining his friends in Paris. “They’ve probably eaten their way through half the restaurants by now,” he grinned. “And argued over where to go next.”
“They’re all architects?”
“No, just me,” Sunghoon nodded, proudly. “But, one’s studying to be a lawyer. The other is gonna be an intern for surgery soon.”
Their conversation melted into the sound of the train wheels against the track. Their conversation didn’t feel like two strangers getting to know each other. It felt like slipping into a rhythm that had always existed, like picking up a thread from a story that had already begun. There were no awkward pauses, no searching for the right words- just an easy back-and-forth that felt strangely familiar. Like they were old friends who had somehow forgotten they were old friends. Like this was a reunion, not a first meeting.
At some point, he coaxed her up, dragging her down the aisle with a mischievous “You can’t sit still forever, writer girl.”
She resisted at first, rejecting his grip on her wrist with a hesitant gaze of her eyes. But he was too persistent- that sharp smile of his, was too persistent. And shyly, almost awkwardly, she stood up and followed him. And that would be the first time Y/N got up for reasons other than using the washroom or finding a meal to eat.
The train during the night was more alive than it was in the morning. That’s just the way it was with things like this- when a group of strangers came together to travel across borders. It was a silent promise of haven, of comfort. They walked past the soft flicker of reading lamps, the faint rustle of pages and whispered exchanges in many languages. They passed a woman knitting tiny socks with blue yarn, a man asleep with his head tipped back and opera music playing from his phone, a child pressing glow-in-the-dark stars against the window.
In the lounge coach, someone was playing the harmonica. The sound was low and imperfect, but so achingly human that it felt like a story in itself. 
“This is definitely something I want to write about.”
Sunghoon looked at her, confused. He couldn’t see the expression on her face, he was towering over her to get a glimpse of her hair that was hidden by her hair. But by her voice alone, he could hear the sparkle in her eyes.
“Yeah?” Sunghoon said. “What can you say? It’s just a guy playing a harmonica. Incorrectly, at that.”
“But do you hear the history in it?”
Somewhere near the middle of the train, tucked into a dimly lit dining car, was a makeshift poker table- though it wasn’t official, and the chips were mostly replaced by foreign coins, buttons, and old candy wrappers. A group of old men sat around it, the air thick with the scent of tobacco that no one was actually smoking, and laughter that came in easy bursts like waves hitting a dock. They sang as they played- old folk songs in accented English and native tongues, clapping along to choruses only they knew. One had a flute he’d chime in with between rounds; another drummed his fingers rhythmically on the edge of the table like it was a snare.
Sunghoon was the first to slow his steps, then Y/N. Something about the scene pulled them in- the warmth of it, the chaos, the openness of strangers too old to care who joined as long as they knew how to smile. The invitation came with a gesture- a crooking finger, a grin, a gap-toothed nod toward the table. They didn’t resist.
They slid into the seats like they’d always belonged there, excited smiles and palms rubbed together. A few coins from Y/N’s pocket, some spare notes from Sunghoon’s wallet- it wasn’t about winning. The old men were ruthless and charming, teasing them in thick accents, telling them the rules only after they'd broken them. Sunghoon forgot which suit beat what, and Y/N mistook her hand for something stronger than it was. They lost every round, but they laughed harder each time. It was never about the cards. It was about the way joy could travel across decades, across languages and lives, and land right there between two young people on a midnight train.
One of the men told a story about a girl he almost married in Portugal after two drinks too many, another about a time he danced barefoot in a rainstorm on the German border. One told the story of how he lost his arm during the war- Y/N and Sunghoon didn’t know which one, but were too scared to ask. Their words stitched across the table like quiltwork- melancholy in parts, hilarious in others, but always rich. Y/N listened with wide eyes, mentally bookmarking characters she hadn’t even written yet. Sunghoon leaned back in his chair, one arm resting behind her, the other fiddling with a useless hand of cards. Every now and then, they’d glance at each other and grin- caught in a secret moment neither of them could explain.
By the end of it, they had lighter wallets and heavier hearts, full of names they’d forget by morning (Sunghoon would forget, not Y/N) and faces they’d remember forever. When the group eventually dispersed, the men wished them luck- at life, at love, at whatever came next. And then the dining car emptied slowly, leaving Y/N and Sunghoon alone at the table with empty glasses and leftover laughter.
For a long time, they just sat there. But Sunghoon dragged her up again, like he was impatient on what he would find next. 
They reached the back of the train. The stars were louder there, with no glass to filter them- sharp and endless, scattered above the moving world like they’d been nailed into the fabric of the night. The wind whipped fast and gentle all at once, lifting their hair in small chaotic dances- Sunghoon’s dark strands tousled back like the wind was styling him on purpose, while Y/N’s hair tangled and curled around her face, occasionally catching on her lips, on the collar of her coat, in the crook of Sunghoon’s arm when they stood too close.
The railings were rusted, chipping with time and weather, flecked with the stories of thousands of travelers before them. They leaned on it anyway- elbows pressed into the cool metal, fingers curling over the edge, palms warming the cold. It groaned slightly beneath them, like it remembered what it meant to hold someone’s weight.
The air smelled like the wild- earthy and crisp, threaded with something that felt like memory. Below them, the world blurred in soft motion- dark forests, sleeping towns, rivers that shimmered like liquid glass beneath the stars. Above them, constellations took their time- Orion with his quiet confidence, Cassiopeia lounging in her eternal curve. Neither Y/N nor Sunghoon said anything for a while. 
There was a stillness in that speed- a paradox only night trains seemed to understand. The kind where time slowed down just long enough to notice the way his knuckles grazed hers on the railing, or the way her eyes reflected stars like she’d been born from them.
And then Sunghoon said, quietly, like he was saying it to himself, “I feel like I’m running out of time.”
Y/N didn’t look at him, but she listened. You could tell she was listening by the way her breath caught a little, and how her fingers curled tighter around the metal bar.
“I’m twenty-seven. I know that’s not old,” he continued, “but it’s not exactly new either. And there’s this pressure- this... noise in my head that says I should’ve done something big by now. Left a mark, built something that outlasts me.”
The train curved then, slow and smooth, and the stars tilted slightly in the sky. Y/N still said nothing.
“I feel like no one gets it,” he added, half-laughing, but it was a bitter kind of sound. “I feel like no one understands why it’s so important to build something beautiful. All everyone seems to care about these days is money and loopholes.”
She looked at him then, finally. Just a glance, soft and brief.
He looked over at her. “But you get it, right?”
Y/N nodded, then turned back to the night. “Yeah,” she said. “I do.” Her voice was quiet, not in a sad way but in the way Sunghoon understood that she was feeling it too- his plight. “When I say I want to write a book, I don’t mean just anything. I mean… I want to leave a mark, I want my work to be talked about. I want to be as great as Clarice Lispector or Kazuo Ishiguro.”
Sunghoon said nothing, mostly because he didn’t know the authors she’d just mentioned. He just watched her speak.
“But lately... I don’t know. I feel like I’m borrowing other people’s words. Like I haven’t lived enough to write anything worth reading.” Her fingers brushed the railing again. “My parents still think I should’ve picked something safer. Like business or economics or something. And maybe they’re right.”
“No, they’re not,” he said, too quickly. “You need to live to write. You can’t just… watch life through windows and call it enough.”
“I know,” Y/N’s eyes were welling with tears at that point. But she convinced herself that it was the wind hitting her eyes and not the weight against her heart. “I think I’m just scared.”
“Of what?”
“Living,” she said, almost laughing. “Living, experiencing everything right- only to ultimately fail and write something unforgettable. It’s so stupid. Sometimes I feel like writing is so stupid.”
“It’s not,” Sunghoon shook his head. He stared straight ahead, crossing his arms on the railing. “You know how they say every artist hates their own work? I’m sure Louis Sullivan hated his first building. But it didn’t stop him from completing it.”
Y/N tilted her head, blinking away the burn behind her eyes. “Who’s Louis Sullivan?” she asked.
Sunghoon smiled faintly. “Architect. They call him the father of skyscrapers.” He hesitated, then added, “His buildings didn’t even get much attention when he was alive. It all came later. But still, he kept going. Even when it felt like no one cared.”
“I’m assuming with your career, you learnt a lot about architects,” she chuckled.
“I’ve got a whole archive of information,” he grinned proudly.
Y/N looked away again, the wind catching the edge of her jacket and lifting it gently behind her. The rusted railing creaked softly beneath their weight, but they didn’t move. There was something sacred about the discomfort- like they owed it to the moment to stay right where they were.
“Do you think it’s worth it?” she asked eventually. “Giving your life to something that might never be seen?”
“I’d like to think it’s better than not trying at all,” he said. “But sometimes, I don’t get it. When I saw my sister, she was thriving- university and all that. But I’m still figuring shit out. It’s like I always have been.”
“You’re not alone in that,” Y/N said. “I don’t think anyone really figures it out. Some of us are just better at pretending.”
He smiled. Not a big one, just enough.
“I used to sit on my roof as a kid,” he said. “Stare at the stars and make wishes even though I didn’t believe in them.”
Y/N tilted her head, curious. “What did you wish for?”
“A lot of things,” he shrugged. “Toys, lenient parents, a sibling… and I eventually got a sister. Then eventually, I stopped believing in it.”
She didn’t respond. Just leaned into the railing a little deeper. 
“The stars remind me of myths,” she said after a while. “The ones I studied. Greek tragedies, gods turning into animals, lovers becoming constellations just to be together.”
“You believe in that?” he asked.
She paused, then smiled. “No. But I like that someone once did.”
And in that space between them, something invisible and delicate bloomed. Not love, not yet. But something heavy and soft, rooted in the chest. The kind of connection that only happens at the back of a moving train, with stars sharp above and wind in your teeth, and a stranger who suddenly isn’t one anymore- something permanent, even if they were not.
Eventually, they made their way back through the softly dimmed train- past the poker table now quiet and empty, past sleeping passengers curled beneath jackets and scarves- to their seats. The overhead lights buzzed gently above, their little corner of the train wrapped in a hushed stillness.
Y/N pulled out a pen from her tote and tore a napkin into squares. “Tic-tac-toe?” she asked, already drawing the grid.
Sunghoon grinned. “Prepare to lose.”
She tore the corner of an old train pamphlet and started scribbling grids. Tic-tac-toe. Then hangman. Then the dumbest drawing contest either of them had ever participated in. She dared him to draw a duck and he came up with a lopsided blob with antennae. She laughed so hard her eyes watered. He laughed too, head tossed back, his knees pressed into the seat in front of him, body curled like it was trying to hold the joy in.
They spoke less as the hours dragged on. There was no need to fill the silence. The kind of quiet they shared wasn’t awkward- it was warm, stretched like a blanket over the two of them. They sipped from a tiny carton of orange juice they found buried in her tote and whispered about the most useless superpowers they’d want to have. (He said being able to always know which lane moved fastest in a grocery store. She said being able to taste colors.)
Eventually, her eyelids drooped. She laid her head on her folded arms, right there on the tiny table between them. Her hair spilled over like ink, her breathing evened out, and her mouth twitched slightly in sleep- like she was smiling at something in a dream she wouldn't remember.
Sunghoon didn’t move.
He watched her for a long while. Not in a creepy way. Just… in awe. At how still she was- how peaceful. There was something about the way the moonlight through the window painted across her face that made him feel like this moment was borrowed- like time had paused and he’d been given a glimpse into something sacred, like an old Victorian painting.
He turned to the window. The stars were fading now, washed thin by the first hints of dawn. He pressed his palm against the glass and felt the faint thrum of motion beneath it.
And he thought- about how fleeting everything felt lately. About how moments like this- ones that sneaked up on you and made you feel deeply human- never lasted long enough. He thought about the future, about buildings he hadn’t yet sketched, about lines and edges and spaces that could become something living. He thought about asking her for her number, how he’d even phrase it, how not to make it weird.
He thought about what kind of book she would write- maybe something strange and wandering, the kind of story that didn’t apologize for taking its time. He thought about how her characters would probably be like her: observant, quiet, a little brave without realizing it.
The train kept moving.
And then… morning came. It wasn’t loud- just a slow blooming of gold across the sky. The clouds turned soft and lilac at the edges, and the air began to shift. The train started to slow. The brakes hissed, metal groaned.
They were in Paris.
The station was already awake- blurred voices, hurried footsteps, the distant beep of announcements he couldn’t quite make out. But inside their little cabin, everything still felt untouched.
Sunghoon looked at Y/N. She was still sleeping, arm tucked under her head, breath warm against her sleeve.
And for a moment- just one- he didn’t want to wake her.
He let the idea wash over him like a wave. What if they stayed on? Just didn’t get off. Let the train roll again, take them to another city, maybe even another country- Vienna, Lyon, wherever. Just so he could sit beside her a little longer. Just so he could hold onto this stillness.
But reality was patient. And it always catches up.
So he reached out, gently pressing his fingers to her shoulder. “Y/N,” he said, voice low, almost apologetic. “We’re here.”
She stirred slowly, blinking against the light. “Huh?”
“Paris,” he said.
Her eyes widened. She sat up, sleep still clinging to her limbs, disoriented but already reaching beneath her seat for her suitcase. Her hair was tousled, face creased slightly from her nap, and she looked so real (he didn’t even know how to explain it, it was the fact that she wasn’t his imagination, that she was a person, had a life, outside of the night they had together) in that moment that Sunghoon’s chest ached.
He stood too, grabbing her bag and guiding her to the exit. The train doors hissed open with a kind of finality that neither of them were ready for.
They stepped onto the platform.
It was colder here than he expected- a sharp, Parisian morning air. It was the kind that carried the scent of fresh bread and motion. People hurried past them with cameras and coats and open maps, but the two of them just stood there- still holding their luggage, still close enough to touch but too far to say anything meaningful.
And then it hit her.
That this was it.
This was goodbye.
She looked at him, like, really looked. Not like someone she met on a train, not like a stranger. But like someone whose existence, however brief in her story, left a ripple.
“I guess this is…” she began, then trailed off.
“Yeah,” Sunghoon said, swallowing. His adams apple bounced. “It is.”
His attention, however, was ripped towards the opposite direction- Sunghoon heard them before he saw them.
“SUNGHOON! LET’S GO!”
Jake’s voice echoed across the platform, followed by Jay dramatically flailing his arms like he was about to take flight. “WE'RE GONNA GET CHARGED AN EXTRA HOUR FOR PARKING!”
They were standing near the exit, beside a wheezing rental car with an uneven paint job and too much luggage crammed into its trunk. They looked like they belonged in a different world, one that hadn’t just stood still all night; one that hadn’t just sat across from someone and quietly fallen into a version of affection that didn’t need time to grow- it bloomed instantly, and painfully.
Sunghoon looked at them.
Then… looked away.
He turned back to Y/N.
She was already pulling her suitcase handle upright, her face composed, wearing that brave expression that people wear when they know the goodbye will hurt but they’re choosing dignity over drama. Her eyes were a little puffy from sleep- or maybe it was emotion. He didn’t ask.- he would never know.
“Guess that’s your ride,” she said, the smile on her lips not quite reaching her eyes.
He didn’t reply. He wanted to say something- anything- but every sentence that formed in his throat felt too small, too stupid or too late. His emotions didn’t make sense to him anymore. His heart skipping a beat at the way the sunlight hit her eyes didn’t make sense anymore.
Y/N took a small step forward and stuck her hand out between them. Her fingers were steady, her voice wasn’t.
“Maybe we’ll meet again,” she said, smiling softly. “But for now… goodbye, Sunghoon.” It could’ve ended there. But she blinked- just once- and added, quieter: “Thank you for making the night a little less lonely.”
And just like that, he was ruined.
Sunghoon took her hand, firm, certain- like that moment deserved at least that much clarity. And maybe that was the saddest part of it all- how their story ended the same way it began: with a handshake.
Two people. One shared night. A lifetime’s worth of unanswered questions.
He held on for a beat longer than he should have. Then he let go reluctantly. Then stepped back with a nod, his eyes memorizing the shape of her one last time. And without another word ((he didn’t even find it in him to reciprocate a goodbye), he turned and jogged toward his waiting friends, who were still dramatically yelling about the parking ticket.
Behind him, Y/N turned in the opposite direction, hoping to hail a taxi to her hotel.
She didn’t look back. Neither did he.
When Sunghoon finally caught up with them, breath uneven and head a little too full, Jay and Jake didn’t waste a second. They manhandled him into the backseat like he was carry-on luggage.
“We’ve been waiting for hours,” Jake exaggerated from the passenger side, twisting halfway around to stare at him. “You better have a Nobel-worthy reason for making us risk another parking fine. How’s your sister, mate?”
Jay, hands on the wheel, sunglasses on even though it was barely sunrise, shot a look at Sunghoon through the rearview mirror.
“Fuck that,” he said. “Who was the girl?”
Sunghoon groaned, dropped his head back against the seat, crossed his arms over his chest like a sulky teenager. Suddenly, the night that had felt so luminous, so important, shrunk down into this weird, private ache. The kind that couldn’t be explained without sounding stupid. Because how do you tell your best friends that one night on a train with a stranger made you question everything you thought you wanted? Made you feel more than you had in months?
Sunghoon just stared out the window as the city passed in a blur and tried not to think about how fast it was all slipping away. Jake and Jay didn’t wait for an answer. Of course not- they were already in full chaos mode, cooking up scenarios like they were writing for a shitty soap-opera.
“You sat beside her?”
“Made a new friend?”
“Fucked the new friend, perhaps?” Jake added with a dramatic gasp, clapping once. “Train version of the mile-high club, huh?”
“In the bathroom?” Jay asked, feigning shock. “Dude, gross. Those toilets flush like portals to hell.”
“Oh, wait-” Jake snapped his fingers, “you kissed her. That’s it. You kissed her and then cried about it while looking out the window like you’re in a sad indie film.”
Sunghoon inhaled slowly and closed his eyes. “You guys,” he said, voice low and deadly calm, “are disgusting.”
Jake and Jay erupted into laughter.
“Which means,” Jay said smugly, tapping the steering wheel, “something definitely happened.”
Sunghoon didn’t reply. He just leaned his head against the window, the cold glass pressing into his skin. The city of Paris unfolded outside, but he wasn’t really seeing it. Not the cafés, or the early risers with fresh bread tucked under their arms, or the old men reading newspapers on benches.
He was still on the train. Still in that quiet, starlit space. Still listening to her say thank you for making the night a little less lonely.
ii. Ten Years Too Lonely
When Y/N was young, her parents used to tell her about how they met. Her bedtime stories weren’t made up of dragons or fairies, but of reckless youth, of laughter echoing in tiny bars that no longer existed, of impossible nights that somehow still lived on in memory. Her parents had lived like people in novels- messy, brave, complicated. They told her stories filled with bad decisions that made great memories, spontaneous road trips, heartbreaks that healed over time, and a small group of friends who stayed, who always stayed.
Those friends were still around- her honorary uncles and aunts. They showed up for the big moments: the day she was born, the major birthdays, and all her graduations. They were the ones who took her out for her first legal drink, who called her kiddo even when she was twenty, who looked at her like she belonged. And maybe it was only around them that she ever felt like she did. Like she was part of something bigger, warmer, something permanent.
But outside those rare, glowing reunions, Y/N felt like a ghost of a person. Like she hadn’t been fully written yet. Like her edges were blurry, her voice a little too quiet, her presence too easy to miss. She used to think that one day, she’d grow into herself. That she’d wake up and suddenly feel whole. But the days kept ending and nothing changed.
She’d always been unlucky with friendships. People liked her, sure- they said she was nice, called her sweet. But no one stayed. No one ever fought to keep her close. She was the kind of person you texted when you were bored, not when your world was falling apart. She was always the one listening, nodding, comforting. Rarely the one being held. She didn’t know what she did wrong- maybe she didn’t shine enough. Maybe she was just forgettable. She tried to tell herself that wasn’t true, that she mattered, that someone would one day see her the way she longed to be seen. But most days, the silence was louder than any hope she tried to build.
Relationships? Those were worse. Crushes that never looked her way, dates that fizzled before they even began, almost-loves that ended in vague texts and unreturned calls. She couldn’t even be mad at them. She understood. Why would anyone stay with someone who didn’t really stand out? She wasn’t the bold, flirty girl with a spark in her eyes. She wasn’t magnetic, or mysterious, or even particularly witty. She was just… there, easy to walk away from.
And that was the thing that hurt the most- the thought that people would forget her. That she could pass through someone’s life and leave no mark at all. That years from now, someone she once shared a laugh with wouldn’t even remember her name. That she was the kind of person you had to try to remember. Not because she was unpleasant. But because she was just so easy to overlook.
She hated that. She hated how much it bothered her. She hated that she wanted to be seen so badly, wanted to matter to someone- anyone- just for a little while. And more than anything, she hated that she’d let life pass her by. That she hadn’t been brave enough to chase the moments she dreamed about. The semester abroad she kept telling herself she’d apply to. The marine research internship near the beach she’d bookmarked five times but never actually submitted an application for. The universities she never left her hometown to attend. She watched opportunities drift by like trains she couldn’t get herself to board.
And every time she missed one, she told herself it was fine. That there would be another. That she was just waiting for the right time. But deep down, she knew. She knew she wasn’t waiting. She was hiding. From the possibility of failing. From the pain of not being enough. From the crushing weight of trying her best and still falling short.
But the thing is… her parents had always known that Y/N would make a life for herself. From the day she was born to the day she graduated and began the daunting task of job hunting, they’d looked at her with a kind of certainty that Y/N never really understood. “It’s just that your life hasn’t begun yet,” they would repeat to her like a prophecy.
And for a long time, she believed them. Or at least she tried to. She clung to the hope that one day, her plight would mean something, that she'd wake up and suddenly become the person she was always supposed to be. But that hope wore thin. Especially in the years that followed graduation- years where nothing really happened. Where she lived at home again, working part-time jobs she never talked about at family dinners, feeling more and more like she was treading water in a pool where everyone else was learning how to swim laps.
Eventually, she couldn’t take it anymore- the guilt of still living under her parents' roof, the quiet shame of watching life pass by like a train she kept missing. So, in a burst of desperation or courage or maybe both, she booked a trip to Europe with the savings she’d been hoarding for no particular reason. She drained her bank account in one impulsive night of scrolling and airfare. And just like that, she was gone.
And suddenly- suddenly- her degree in Greek Literature didn’t feel so useless anymore. Not when she was exploring a three-day train with a stranger. Not when she was wandering through the streets of Athens, tracing the ruins her textbooks used to speak of in dusty academic tones. Not when she stood beneath the Parthenon at sunset with a backpack and a journal and no plans for the next day. And just like that, her life started to change.
In the month she spent abroad, she felt herself unfold. Like some slow, patient blooming. She talked to strangers without rehearsing the conversation beforehand. She danced at rooftop bars in Lisbon with people whose names she barely caught. She took a spontaneous night bus to Prague with a pair of Finnish siblings she met in a museum café. She broke down crying in a quiet alley in Florence and was comforted by a woman named Elif from Istanbul, who shared her gelato and told her heartbreak was a sign of living. In Barcelona, she accidentally joined a group of traveling circus performers for three days because they mistook her for someone else and she was too embarrassed to correct them- until she wasn’t. She even kissed someone under a broken street lamp in Amsterdam, someone whose name she still remembers but whose face is already fading in her mind.
There were so many stories. Wild, unthinkable, movie-scene type stories. But perhaps the most unbelievable part was how alive she felt. For the first time in her life, she didn’t feel like a background character. She didn’t feel like someone waiting for something to happen to her. She was the happening.
She met people. She lived with them. She cooked pasta in tiny hostel kitchens, shared beds with near strangers, drank cheap wine in public parks, danced barefoot, and got lost more times than she could count. She met Luca, a Sicilian med student who taught her how to flirt in Italian; Josie, a Canadian street artist who carried a notebook filled with secrets from people she met; and Santiago, a chef from Buenos Aires who taught her to make empanadas while talking about love like it was a religion.
They were fleeting people. But they mattered.
And she kept in touch with most of them- at least for a while. They exchanged numbers, promised to visit, sent postcards and songs and memes across time zones. Luca sent her a blurry photo of his med school graduation. Josie invited her to a pop-up art show in Toronto that she couldn’t attend. Santiago messaged her every few months just to ask how she was, calling her mi poeta.
But life moved on. As it always does.
Y/N came back home, and things had changed, but she wasn’t quite sure if she had. She floated through a string of jobs- proofreading textbooks, writing content for lifestyle blogs, tutoring high school students in Greek mythology. Nothing ever stuck. Nothing ever felt like hers. Until one day, almost on a dare to herself, she sat down and started writing again- not for money, not for work, but for herself.
The book came quietly. No agents, no fanfare. A small indie publisher picked it up. And somehow, her first novel resonated with enough people to warrant a tiny book signing tour. She visited three cities. Five bookstores. Signed a hundred copies with her slightly messy, unsure signature.
And still… She felt alone.
As the years passed, the messages from her travel friends became less frequent. The jokes grew stale, the memories stopped coming up in conversation and eventually, keeping in touch became just liking each other’s Instagram posts or sending the occasional emoji reply to a story. 
When she moved to Shanghai to teach English at a small local university, she barely told anyone. She packed her life into two suitcases, boarded the flight alone, and arrived in a city where no one knew her name. The loneliness there was quieter, less sharp. It didn’t ache the way it used to. Because in times like this, feeling lonely was inevitable and she didn’t beat herself up for it. Because this was going to be her new life, her new norm.
She taught classes, went to the market, and drank tea by her apartment window. Life was simple. She liked it. And she realised how her age was catching up to her, that she was yearning for the peaceful moments in her life rather than late night travel trips.
And yet, some nights, when she couldn’t sleep, she’d scroll through old photos- grainy hostel selfies, street corners, sunset skies she had once sworn she’d never forget. She would look at those faces and wonder if any of them remembered her too, if she’d been as temporary to them as they were eternal to her.
Because the truth about Y/N was that no matter how much she saw, how many stories she collected, or how far she ran, she still came out of it alone. Not broken, not bitter- just… still waiting. Still wondering if her life had really begun yet, or if she was still standing on the edge of something bigger, too afraid to take the leap.
Though some nights, the memories haunted her, most days, Y/N kept moving. She walked the same narrow streets from her apartment to the university, nodded politely at the same old man who sold dough strips by the metro station, and let her world stay predictable and repetitive.
But it was on a rainy Sunday- one of those Shanghai afternoons where the air hung heavy with the scent of wet concrete and jasmine- that things would change again.
She’d been wandering aimlessly, an umbrella tucked under her arm, letting the drizzle kiss her skin as she browsed street vendors and quiet alleys she hadn’t taken the time to explore before. She wasn’t even looking for anything in particular when she ducked into the tiny bookstore nestled between a tea shop and a dry cleaner, a place so unobtrusive she’d passed it a dozen times and never noticed it.
Inside, the lighting was dim and golden, the smell of old paper and incense wrapping around her like a blanket. There was jazz playing faintly from a record player near the counter. A cat slept on a stool in the poetry aisle. And for the first time in weeks, she exhaled without even realizing she’d been holding her breath.
She wandered through the shelves slowly, fingers brushing over cracked spines and titles in Mandarin, English, French. It reminded her of a place she visited in Lisbon, one she never thought she’d think of again.
She turned the corner of the aisle, absently reaching for a poetry collection when her eyes landed on him.
At first, she only saw the profile- the clean lines of his face, the sharp curve of his nose, the way his hair fell slightly over his forehead- and for a heartbeat, her mind couldn’t quite place it. Her body stilled before her brain caught up.
Then he turned slightly, lifting his head toward the Popular Picks display by the counter, a stack of three books balanced in his arms, one tucked awkwardly beneath his chin.
And she knew. She just did.
The recognition crashed into her like a wave she hadn’t braced for.
Sunghoon.
Just like that, the bookstore shifted from quiet nostalgia to something surreal. Her fingertips curled slightly around the spine of the book she was holding, as if steadying herself. Her breath caught somewhere between a laugh and disbelief. And suddenly,she was naive and twenty-five again, sitting in a train with a stranger to entertain.
And as if he felt her gaze, Sunghoon looked up- eyes landing on hers instantly.
The air between them was still. The jazz in the background faded. So did the cat, the incense, the muffled rain tapping at the windows.
He blinked, almost like he didn’t trust what he was seeing. Then slowly, the corners of his mouth turned upward- not quite a smile yet, just the beginning of one.
They just stared at each other for a second too long. Not out of awkwardness- but because neither of them wanted to be the first to break whatever this was.
Then Sunghoon shifted, took one step forward.
And that was her cue.
Y/N slipped her book back onto the shelf and walked toward him, steps careful, like she was still half-convinced he might disappear if she moved too fast.
“Hey,” she said, voice quieter than she expected. “I wasn’t sure it was you.”
Sunghoon let out a soft breath, the ghost of a laugh caught in his throat. “I wasn’t sure you were real.”
They both smiled- wide and full this time- the tension breaking like light through overcast skies.
Y/N blinked, still grounding herself in the impossible fact that it was him. “What are you doing here?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper, as if saying it too loudly would break the spell.
Sunghoon gave a soft breath of disbelief, almost a laugh, like he wasn’t quite sure how this moment existed. “I live here now… I’ve been living here for three years.”
Y/N gave a half-smile. “Five years for me.”
And that was the moment it hit him. Five years. They’d been orbiting the same city, breathing the same air, living maybe a handful of metro stops apart- and somehow, they never crossed paths until now. It felt like too much of a coincidence to be a coincidence. Like the universe had deliberately waited, held its breath, timed this to some impossible rhythm only it understood.
“I teach at the public university,” she offered before he could ask. “English. But I publish sometimes as well.”
Of course it was her. The name had been bothering him ever since he picked up that book, strung together in a delicate serif font on the spine- a first name and a last name that brushed up against something familiar in his memory, but not enough to sound the alarms. He’d held it in his hands, flipped through the pages, even lingered on the blurb wondering why it made his chest ache a little. But he hadn’t made the connection. Not until she was standing in front of him, telling him, almost offhandedly, that she wrote now- had published a few books. And then it hit him like cold water: that book. The one he’d nearly bought before settling on something else. He almost felt guilty now, absurdly so, for not choosing hers. As if picking another novel over hers had been some kind of betrayal- to her, to that night, to the unspoken space they’d both carried all these years.
He nodded slowly, his chest tightening. “Still an architect,” he said, then glanced at her with something just shy of a smile. “I think you’d be proud of me.”
It was a soft, unassuming statement, but it hung between them heavily. He was thinking of that night- the train, the way her words had stayed with him long after the lights of the station faded. Ten years ago. Ten full years. He didn’t know if she remembered.
But Y/N’s expression shifted in that subtle way that told him she did. Of course she did.
“Yeah?” she asked, eyes bright.
“Yeah,” he looked down for a second before meeting her gaze again. “I’m glad you finally published.”
And he meant it. Beneath the sincerity sat his quiet guilt- one he wasn’t going to admit just yet. He hadn’t searched for her name. Not once. Not online, not on bookshelves. And now that he knew, now that he held the knowledge of what she'd gone on to do, it felt like an ache. Because he had thought of her- more often than he let himself admit. He’d bring her up sometimes when he was drunk, recalling that weird night on the train, the girl who talked about words like they were living things. But he hadn’t done anything more. 
And now here she was.
“This feels insane,” he murmured, voice softening.
He was staring at her- not just with disbelief, but with the kind of quiet reverence reserved for things once lost and now unexpectedly found. And as he stood there, barely hearing the rustle of pages or the distant hum of jazz, a thought rose, unbidden and almost embarrassing in its honesty- this was the girl who had changed him.
In one night- a single stretch of hours between train stations and tangled conversations- she had shifted something fundamental inside him. He’d started reading not long after that. Nothing big at first- just a book she’d mentioned, something he'd scribbled down on a receipt in his wallet. But it became a habit, then a hunger. Because of her. Because of how she spoke about stories, about words like they were holy. Because of how she saw the world- like it was both tragic and beautiful and worth telling anyway.
And now, a decade later, here she was. Not a memory, not a story he told his friends after two beers. But real and alive, standing in front of him again- older, softer in some ways, sharper in others. Still her, always her.
And all he could think was: I can’t believe it’s you.
Sunghoon arrived at the café early. Of course he did. He always did that when he was nervous- pretending it was about punctuality, about professionalism, about making a good impression. But really, it was about control, about giving himself a moment to settle the way his heart had been stammering in his chest for days.
Since that day in the bookstore, he hadn’t stopped thinking about her- Y/N- her voice, her eyes, the way the rain had traced soft lines down the bookstore’s fogged windows while they talked. He hadn’t said it out loud, but as soon as they’d agreed to meet again, he’d gone home and done something impulsive- something a younger Sunghoon might’ve laughed at. He bought all of her books. Every single one. Three novels, each with a cover so delicate and so deliberate, he almost didn’t want to crack the spines.
But he did. In fact, he devoured them. He read like he was chasing something. Like he was trying to catch up on a decade of her life that he hadn’t been a part of.
Her writing stunned him. It was raw and strange and poetic and painfully observant. But it wasn’t just that. It was familiar. Not in the stories themselves- they were nothing like him, nothing like the night they’d shared- but in the details, in the quiet gestures of a supporting character, or the rhythm of someone’s speech, or the offhand way a man in his late twenties scratched the back of his neck when he was uncomfortable.
That was him. That was 27-year-old Sunghoon. He remembered doing that on the train, mid-conversation, when she’d asked him about the kind of buildings he wanted to design someday. There was a character in her first book who did the same thing- and that character had a way of seeing cities like they were made of feelings, not steel. It was him, even if it wasn’t.
He hadn’t known she’d remembered him. Not like that. He’d told himself it was just one night. A good night. But fleeting. Something the world would blur out with time. And yet… she had remembered. She made it permanent on ink- she eternalized him.
And here he was- in Shanghai, of all places.
Sometimes he still couldn’t believe it. He’d said yes to the opportunity three years ago- an architecture firm in Seoul was invited to pitch a design for a mixed-use skyscraper, and he’d poured himself into it with the hunger of a man who needed to be consumed by something. It was his vision that won. A sinuous, glass-and-steel tower that mimicked the ripple of the Huangpu River, with an atrium shaped like a lantern- part office space, part museum, part observation deck, a living homage to old Shanghai meeting the new. 
The project had saved him. Or maybe it had given him something to hold onto after everything else fell apart.
Nora.
Even now, her name carried the weight of a thousand sharp edges- soft at first, then all at once like glass. He met her at a work party, back when his firm was still small and barely making a name for itself. It had been hosted in a high-rise lounge, the kind where conversations floated over clinking glasses and low jazz murmured beneath everything. He remembered spotting Nora by the bar, laughing with a group of journalists, her voice rising and falling like it belonged to the room. She was magnetic- self-assured in a way that didn’t demand attention but still received it, effortlessly. She had this grin, this unmistakable fire behind her eyes, and when she asked what he did, she looked at him like she actually cared about the answer.
They started seeing each other after that night- cautiously, at first. She was always busy, always moving between studios and press conferences and flights to cover some political chaos. But she made time. For him, she made time. She’d wait for him at his office sometimes with takeout, wearing heels and an oversized coat, telling him that he worked too much and kissed too little.
They dated for two years. Two golden years that felt too good to be real. There were lazy Sundays with her head on his chest, whispered fights over whose turn it was to do the laundry, travel plans never taken, and endless conversations about buildings and breaking news and what it meant to chase something until you caught it.
He proposed on a rainy night in Busan, when they’d gone for a vacation and spent the evening ice skating in a mall. She was trying to keep up with him, giggling while finding her balance. And just like that, he glided towards her on one knee and revealed the ring and he just… said it. Marry me. And she had said yes like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
They were married for four years. Four whole years of learning each other in all the quiet, invisible ways- the morning rituals, the favorite side of the bed, the type of silence that felt warm instead of cold. He’d never known that kind of peace. Even with her career constantly pulling her toward chaos, even when they were barely passing each other at home- it still felt like they were orbiting something steady. 
And then, one morning, she left for work like she always did. Hair still damp from the shower, still brushing lip balm onto her mouth as she stepped into her heels, grinning at him like she had some scandalous news she couldn’t wait to share after her segment.
She never made it to the station.
The accident happened in a flash. A truck ran a red light on the Olympic-daero. Witnesses said the rain had made it hard to see. She was gone before the ambulance even arrived, but they tried. Jake tried.
He remembered Jake’s call- the way his voice cracked over the line. "Come to the hospital. Now."
Sunghoon remembered sprinting through corridors, his hands cold, his lungs burning, shirt and tie astray with wide eyes and matted hair. And then- Jake, his closest friend and one of Seoul’s top trauma surgeons, standing outside the trauma unit, drenched in blood that wasn’t his, eyes hollow, surgical mask hanging off one ear. No words- just a slow, agonizing shake of the head.
Sunghoon collapsed.
The days after were a blur of numbness, sirens and screaming silence. There was no funeral that could contain that kind of grief, no eulogy that could articulate how deeply broken the world had become in just one moment. He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t look at the chair she used to sit in. Her mug sat untouched for months. He buried himself in work until even the blueprints started to blur, until the only thing that snapped him back was his other best friend, Jay- who took one look at him and told him to press charges.
The man who caused the accident had been drunk. Slightly below the legal limit, but enough to impair judgment. Jay, relentless in a courtroom, helped Sunghoon file lawsuits that dragged on for nearly two years. They won. But it didn’t bring her back- nothing would, nothing did.
And then came the offer, an international firm asking him the chance to design a tower in Shanghai- something iconic, something bold. He said yes without thinking. He needed to go, to leave, to start over, to breathe somewhere else.
And now here he was, four years later. Sitting in a sunlit café in Shanghai, about to see the only other person who had ever made him feel like the future might be a story worth reading.
He wasn’t sure how he managed to tell her all of it- the job offer, the building, the wife, the accident, the ache. But he knew one thing: telling her all of this, over coffee, across a tiny round table in a quiet café… it felt oneiric. Like time had folded in on itself and handed him a second chance he hadn’t dared hope for.
Y/N listened like she always had- with stillness, with presence, with that rare ability to make silence feel like safety. When he spoke about the building, her face lifted, just slightly. Her eyes softened, like she was genuinely happy for him- not surprised, not performative- just quietly proud. 
But when he said Nora’s name, something shifted. The subtle tension in her brow, the way her fingers paused mid-motion on the coffee cup’s handle, the sudden stillness in her breathing- it all changed. She didn’t interrupt nor did she didn’t look away. She just let it wash over her, the grief, the enormity of it. Her eyes, when they met his again, held something solemn and full- not sympathy, not pity, but that unspoken understanding of loss. And for a moment, Sunghoon wondered if that’s what had drawn them together again- not fate, not coincidence, but the quiet ache of having both learned how to live after breaking.
“I lost someone, too,” she nodded. “My uncle- well, technically, one of my parents’ best friends. But we were close. He was my godfather.”
Then she told him, how her godfather had taken his own life just months before she made the move to Shanghai. Y/N had been in the middle of her own upheaval, getting ready for the transition that would take her to this city, to this life. But before she could even leave, she had to contend with the shock of losing him in the most horrific way. His death was nothing like the natural rhythm of loss that people often prepare for. No, this was the kind of pain that tore through the fabric of life with no warning, no sense. She never had the chance to say goodbye, never had the chance to make sense of it- her parents never let her read the suicide note.
Y/N’s aunt had found him, face-down in the bathtub, the water around him turning crimson. The image of it must have haunted her even now. Sunghoon could imagine the cold shock that must have flooded her godmother’s body as she found him there- her best friend, her partner in life, lifeless in a way that made the world seem unreal. The knife had slipped from his hand, the weight of it barely more than a detail in the aftermath. But the emptiness in his eyes, that was what stayed with her. 
It didn’t make sense, the way Y/N described it, the way the world just seemed to stop making sense after that. Her godfather had always been a constant, someone everyone relied on, someone who had always been there. And yet, just like that, he was gone, leaving behind an ocean of unanswered questions. His kids, her honorary cousins, had been the most affected. They had been too young to grasp the weight of what had happened, but in their confusion, they’d come to resent him. They couldn’t understand why he had chosen this moment, why he had left them without a second thought. It was that kind of loss that tore at the edges of families, that strained relationships with no answers to make it right.
Y/N’s parents had struggled too. In the wake of his death, they didn’t know what to do. They didn’t know how to explain it or how to handle the grief that had flooded their lives. So, in an attempt to do something, they set up a fund in his name. The money went to children in need, a small part of it allocated to his family to keep them afloat, to provide for them until they could get back on their feet. But in truth, nothing really ever settled. The ache never fully left, and the questions remained unanswered.
Y/N never spoke of the details, the parts of it that were too horrific to describe, the part of the story that would stay locked away, untold. But Sunghoon could feel the weight of it all. The pain, the loss, the confusion. The fragility of life, of the people we think will always be there, and how suddenly that certainty could be ripped away. 
Both of them had experienced it- the kind of loss that reshaped everything, that left scars that didn’t heal. It marked them, carried their loss, holding it within them, even now. 
"Okay, so... all of that," she started, hesitating before looking for something to shift the conversation. "Tell me more about your building. How far along is it… considering," She trailed off, smiling a little. "I’d love to hear more about it."
Sunghoon exhaled slowly, his hand instinctively reaching into his jacket pocket. He pulled out his phone, unlocking it and swiping to the photos he’d been saving. The sleek, minimalistic sketches of the building, fuzzy early shots of its half-constructed frame, and the sweeping views from the construction site filled the screen. He held the phone up for her to see, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he watched her reaction.
"It... it’s still a work in progress. Probably gonna take a couple more years- there were a lot of legal constraints to worry about in the beginning," he admitted. "The final designs are much more refined, but this is the stage we’re at right now,” he scrolled through the images, showing her various angles of the building, the steel beams twisting upward like a forest of metal. "It’s supposed to be a mixed-use space- office floors at the top, public space at the bottom, some retail. It’s going to contribute to the skyline, be one of those landmarks that people would look at and think, 'Yeah, that's part of the city now.'"
Y/N leaned forward slightly, peering at the screen. She nodded appreciatively, her eyes scanning the images with curiosity. "It looks amazing," she said, her voice a little lighter now. "I’m proud of you, Sunghoon."
She was proud of him- not just for the building, but because this was the man he’d dreamed of becoming, the path he’d mapped out for himself on that train ten years ago, now finally real and unfolding in front of her.
Sunghoon grinned, but there was something in his eyes- an edge of quiet pride. 
Sunghoon’s voice broke through the gentle quiet that had settled over their table. “How have you been, Y/N?” he asked, not like a casual question, but something deeper. Something closer to how did the world shape you, after we parted ways? “How was Europe… after that train ride?”
Y/N smiled, and it was the kind of smile stitched with memory. She set her coffee down and reached for her phone, unlocking it with ease, swiping through the familiar glow of her gallery. “Messy,” she said, almost laughing. “But good.”
She turned the screen toward him, letting the photos tell the story. Blurry hostel mirrors, cobbled streets washed in soft morning light, a half-eaten croissant on a balcony in Lisbon, a tiny annotated map with a coffee stain in the corner, a carousel in Florence, a dog she didn’t know the name of but still remembered.
“This one,” she said, pausing on a photo of her standing by a stone archway in Athens, sunlight catching her cheek, “was taken the day I finally got the courage to walk up to a stranger and ask for directions.”
Sunghoon leaned in, quietly taking it all in- not just the images, but her voice, the tone of it, how alive she’d become in those moments. He watched the way her thumb lingered over some pictures longer than others, how her smile flickered when she reached one taken in the rain. He didn’t ask what it meant. He just listened.
“It was everything I hoped it would be,” she said. “And nothing like I imagined.”
And Sunghoon nodded, because he understood that too well. Maybe not for the same reasons as her, but he understood it, at least, to an extent. 
She went on, showing him more- strangers who became friends, books scribbled with notes in the margins, sunsets over rooftops that looked like paintings. There was something sacred in how she shared it, like she was letting him hold a decade of her life in the palm of his hand, one swipe at a time.
Most people, when they finally receive the thing they long for, the thing they had built up in their heads, carried in the quiet pockets of their hearts- don’t really know how to sit with it.
At first, it felt surreal, like handling porcelain so fine you were afraid it might break just by looking at it wrong. They moved carefully around the edges of it, half-believing, half-doubting, waiting for the catch, the sudden hand that would snatch it all away. And then, slowly, imperceptibly, it shifted. The dream stopped feeling like a dream. It became ordinary. The extraordinary blurred into everyday life the way sunrise blends into morning- so gradual you didn’t even realize it was happening until you looked up and found yourself living inside what you once thought was impossible.
Because when something becomes real- when you brush your teeth beside the person you once thought was lost to time, when you argue about laundry or grocery lists, when you kiss them goodnight without even thinking about it- that’s when you know it’s yours.
Not a moment snatched from fate. Not a miracle about to be undone.
Just yours.
That’s what it was like for Y/N and Sunghoon.
They didn’t crash into each other the way they had once imagined, all desperate declarations and sweeping promises. No, they folded into each other the way dusk folds into night- quietly, inevitably, without needing anyone to announce it had happened.
Their days together began quietly. The café became a second home- tucked between two stone buildings in YuYuan Garden, its windows fogged with steam and stories. They always met at the same table near the back, beside the bookshelf that tilted slightly to the left. When Sunghoon wasn’t at site meetings and Y/N wasn’t buried under red-marked essays, they sat across from each other. Sometimes they spoke, other times they didn’t have to.
Sunghoon would talk about things like glass density and foundational anchoring- things Y/N barely understood but always found beautiful in the way he described them. And she, in return, would read out loud lines from her students’ essays, shaking her head in disbelief, saying, “even I wouldn’t have thought of something so beautiful.”
Eventually, coffee dates gave way to quiet afternoons in the city. The café wasn’t enough anymore. It was Sunghoon who suggested they meet somewhere else. “Just a change of pace,” he said, “we don’t have to talk,” he said it like he always did- casually, softly, like he didn’t want to scare away whatever fragile thread was stretching between them.
Their first outing was to the art museum. A safe place, one where quiet was expected. They walked side by side through galleries washed in cold white light, pausing before each painting with the solemnity of churchgoers. Y/N liked watching Sunghoon look at art- the way he tilted his head, narrowed his eyes. She wondered if he’d always observed the world like that.
Then, from there, the places they’d visit became less quiet, but somehow even more intimate- an afternoon at the aquarium, a stroll through the zoo, then a trip to Shanghai’s architectural icons- the Pearl Tower, the Shanghai Tower, and finally the World Financial Center.
When Sunghoon pointed up at the tower’s iconic trapezoidal aperture and told her, with absolute conviction, “A plane could fly through that,” Y/N laughed and promptly named it the keychain tower because, well, it did look like a keychain. He didn't even argue. He just smiled like someone who had been waiting a long time to be teased like that.
Eventually, their meetings moved indoors.
Y/N invited him to dinner one night. She made a strange mix of Italian and Chinese dishes- spaghetti with a recipe learned from an old Roman chef who once told her that Italians lived without regret through their pasta, and mala tofu with stir-fried bok choy, a dish she had perfected alone in her Shanghai kitchen which they had with a small bowl of sticky rice.
They ate slowly, in no rush, their conversation trailing between bites. Sunghoon leaned his forearms on the table as she told him stories about the Roman chef who had taken her under his wing for a week after she accidentally helped him carry groceries through cobbled streets. He laughed harder than he had in weeks, his mouth full of overcooked noodles and his heart unexpectedly light.
After dinner, they opened a bottle of red wine Y/N had been saving for a "meaningful occasion"- the label long peeled off, the cork slightly stubborn. They sat on the floor, backs against the couch, wine glasses in hand. She asked him about his time in university, about what he had been like before architecture turned into a career and not just a dream. He asked her about the books she didn’t publish, the ones she kept hidden in folders titled things like maybe one day and this one’s a mess. She didn’t deny it- just sipped her wine and smirked into the glass.
Later, Y/N reached behind the couch and pulled out an old, mismatched box of Jenga, the kind where a few pieces had pencil doodles and one was mysteriously chipped at the corner. “No pressure,” she said. “But I haven’t lost a game since college.”
Sunghoon narrowed his eyes. “You wrote your thesis on Greek tragedy, and now you’re challenging me at Jenga?”
“Exactly,” she grinned. “I’m well-versed in watching things fall apart.”
They played three rounds. She won two. The third collapsed in a drunken fit of laughter when Sunghoon accidentally sneezed and nudged the table, knocking the whole tower down.
It was one of those nights- quiet, unassuming, the kind you don’t realize is special until much later. Nothing big happened- there were no confessions, no kisses. But the air between them had changed by the time they stood at the door. There was something gentler in the way she leaned against the frame, something softer in the way he adjusted his coat before stepping into the cold.
He didn’t stay over.
He called a taxi, waited with his hands in his pockets, and when the headlights turned onto the street, he looked back at her- just once. She was still standing there, arms crossed, a half-smile tugging at her mouth. Not asking him to stay, not pushing him away. Just there, like always.
When Sunghoon invited her over for the first time, it wasn’t for dinner. It wasn’t even for coffee or idle conversation. He had something he wanted to show her- something that felt almost too private, too close to the part of himself he rarely let anyone touch.
The original blueprints.
He had spent years sketching versions of this building in the margins of notebooks, on napkins, on the backs of receipts. Rough ideas first, then refined ones- layer after layer of graphite and ink until they became something almost real. And now, sprawled across his living room floor, they looked delicate, almost fragile, like pieces that belonged in a museum archive.
Y/N knelt beside him without hesitation, legs folded underneath her, her hands moving carefully across the pages as if they were ancient ruins of history. She didn’t speak at first. She just traced the lines with the tip of her finger, pausing now and then to tilt her head, her brows knitting together in thoughtful concentration.
Sunghoon watched her more than he watched the drawings. The way her eyes scanned the layers of floor plans and elevation sketches, how her mouth twitched upward at the little handwritten notes he’d left for himself in the margins: rethink lobby entrance, sunlight angles too harsh?, find better material for glass- don't cheap out.
“This,” she finally said, looking up at him with something shining in her expression- not awe exactly, but something heavier, something fuller- “is incredible.”
They spent hours like that, sprawled across the floor, Y/N asking questions, Sunghoon explaining the angles of support beams and the challenges of balancing beauty with function. At some point, he realized he was rambling, getting too technical, but she never once looked bored. She just listened, the way she always had, like every word mattered.
At some point, night swallowed the city outside. The only light in the room came from a single dim lamp near the window, casting everything in a warm, golden haze. And when she finally left, long after midnight, he felt a strange ache in his chest- the kind that only comes when you realize you’ve just given someone a piece of yourself you can’t take back.
The next morning, he brought her to the construction site.
It wasn’t glamorous. The building was barely a skeleton of what it would become- exposed steel frames reaching skyward, the floors still raw and unfinished, the air thick with dust and the scent of wet concrete. Workers moved around them like ants, shouting instructions in Mandarin, the noise of drills and hammers clattering through the cool morning air.
He didn’t know why he brought her there. Maybe because part of him wanted her to see it- not the polished, finished dream, but the messy, imperfect beginning. Maybe because part of him wanted her to understand that this wasn’t just work. It was a piece of him, standing stubborn and half-built against the skyline.
She wore a bright yellow hard hat that was slightly too big, the strap loose against her chin, and an oversized reflective vest that swallowed her frame. She looked ridiculous, she looked adorable.
Sunghoon pulled out his phone and snapped a picture without thinking.
In the photo, she was smiling- not a big, posed grin, but a small, shy one, the kind of smile you give when you’re proud of something, even if it’s not yours. Behind her, the skeleton of the future loomed, all raw beams and silent promises.
He would keep that photo tucked away for years. Through the good days and the unbearable ones. Through everything that would come after.
Their friendship blurred, slowly. It didn’t surprise either of them. Somewhere, in the back of their minds, they had always known it wouldn’t stay platonic forever. From the moment they met on the train ten years ago, there had been something- not chemistry, not even longing. Just... inevitability.
It was the way their silences folded easily into each other. The way their glances lingered a beat too long, not searching, just... settling. It wasn’t some great romance that unfolded with fireworks and declarations. It was subtler than that. Quieter, like the way you reach for a light switch in the dark- it was instinctive, without needing to think.
There was no single moment when the line between them vanished. It just stopped mattering. It was in the way Sunghoon started buying her favorite kind of breakfast without asking. In how Y/N started showing up at the café with a book tucked under her arm, one she thought he might like even though he rarely read. It was her making him lunch boxes when he needed to go to the construction site. It was in the pauses between conversations- the way they both leaned in just a little, without meaning to.
They didn’t talk about it, they didn’t really need to. There was no confession, no careful declaration of feelings. It was all already there, hanging between them in the air, in every shared look, in the quiet comfort of knowing that somehow, inexplicably, you had ended up in the same place as the one person who once felt like a fleeting moment.
It wasn’t falling, it was remembering.
Remembering that even if they’d only spent a single night together on a train a decade ago, it had never truly ended when she said goodbye. That night had only paused and carried itself across years, across cities, across grief and growth- just to arrive here. And now, sitting across from each other again, it finally resumed. Like picking up a song mid-verse. Like they were simply continuing something that had never really finished.
Sunghoon told his friends about her not long after. It was during one of their three way calls that occurred once a few months, when they could accommodate the time difference and their busy schedules. And when Sunghoon told them that he was seeing someone, that it was getting serious, Jake and Jay hollered for him like they were in a football locker room. Despite their age and the sophistication that was expected by their professions, when they were around each other, they were still the weird trio from university that seemingly did everything together.
“It’s the girl from the train,” Sunghoon said. “Y/N, the girl from the train.”
And the call reached a ceasing silence. It stayed like that for a second, so quiet that Sunghoon couldn’t even hear them breathing.
He pulled his brows together in confusion. “Hello?”
“Sunghoon,” Jake finally said. “What are you saying?”
In all the nights Jay and Jake had stayed up with a drunk Sunghoon- back when they were younger, when heartbreak still looked like bruises instead of scars- they listened to him whine about a girl he met on a train. Mystery Train Girl, they called her, even though Sunghoon had told them her real name a dozen times. It became a running joke between the three of them, a sort of coping mechanism, maybe. Naming her made her feel less dangerous, less real- just another lost figure from a hazy, romanticized past.
But it wasn’t really a joke, not when Sunghoon would sometimes, in the thick of too much whiskey, talk about her like she had been a fixed point in his life. Like somehow, even though they’d only spent a single night together, she had left fingerprints on his ribs.
The stories didn’t stop even when Sunghoon met Nora- even when he fell in love again, even when he married.
They didn’t come often- only sometimes, in the quiet hours between drinks, when Nora was asleep and the weight of old memories pressed too heavily against his chest. But when they did, the fact that he still spoke about Y/N at all said more than Sunghoon probably meant it to. Jake and Jay never pointed it out. Some things didn’t need pointing out.
After Nora died, Sunghoon stopped speaking about love altogether.
He didn’t date, he didn’t flirt, he didn’t even look at anyone the same way anymore. After Nora died, the idea of opening himself up again felt unbearable. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe in love- he did. He had lived it, fully, with Nora. She had been his real love story, the one he thought would carry him to the end of his days. And losing her had carved something hollow inside him, something too fragile to risk breaking again. It wasn’t about moving on and it wasn’t about forgetting. It was fear- plain and sharp- the fear that if he let himself love again, he would have to survive losing it again too. And he wasn’t sure he could.
It wasn’t until Sunghoon first relocated to Shanghai- when his career finally cracked open and handed him everything he had worked for- that the two friends acted on a thought they had laughed about for years. One night, after too many beers and too much unsaid worry, they pulled out Jake’s laptop and typed her name into the search bar.
And there she was.
Older, yes- different, a little. But still unmistakably the girl Sunghoon had described with a kind of reverence no drunkenness could dull. Her picture stared back at them- in a small university profile, smiling faintly, hair tucked behind her ear.
She had published three books by then. She taught English at a local university in Shanghai. She was real. And terrifyingly close.
Jake and Jay stared at the screen for a long time, the silence between them heavier than either of them expected. They could have told him. They could have shown him. But something about it felt wrong- like opening a door Sunghoon had already chosen to leave closed.
So they didn’t say anything. They closed the laptop, and the next morning, neither brought it up again. And if there was a trace of guilt that lingered between them when they saw Sunghoon staring too long out of windows, lost in thought, or smiling a little too sadly at passing strangers- well, they buried it. Along with the rest of the secrets you keep out of love.
“Mystery Train Girl?” Jay gasped and they could imagine that his eyes were widening. “You’re joking. Y/N?”
“Yeah,” Sunghoon nodded, pressing his phone closer to his ear as he chuckled. “Can you believe it? I found her. Y/N- Mystery Train Girl.”
“That’s…” Jay trailed off, not knowing what to say.
“That’s incredible, Sunghoon,” Jake said, firmly, as if he was answering for both of them. “I’m happy for you, mate. Are you happy?”
“Unbelievably, so,” Sunghoon breathed, and they could hear the smile on his face- the smile that highlighted his pointy teeth and made his eyes squint.
Jay and Jake didn’t comment much after that, only listened as Sunghoon recalled the story of how they found each other again in a tiny book store. And while listening, they were bracing for the impact of Nora’s name falling out of his mouth- that maybe he would mention her again, maybe he would break down over his first love, his dead wife. But it never came. And it sounded like Sunghoon was happy again. And his two friends didn’t have to worry about him feeling alone in another country.
A month later, Jay announced he was taking a weekend trip to Shanghai. He said it was for business, something about meeting international colleagues. Sunghoon didn’t ask many questions and simply offered him the guest bedroom, knowing it would be Jay’s first time visiting the city. It was usually Sunghoon who made the trip back to Korea, although he preferred not to. The last time he had gone back was for Christmas Eve the year before. This year, he planned to stay in Shanghai and spend the holidays with Y/N.
Sunghoon picked him up from the airport. He had booked a driver to meet them; living in a foreign country didn’t leave him much reason to own a car, and most foreigners in Shanghai got by without one anyway.
When they finally reunited at arrivals, Jay hugged him like a brother lost to time, gripping him tightly and nuzzling his head into Sunghoon’s shoulder with a dramatic sigh. Sunghoon laughed, patting his back with more affection than he realized he still carried.
On the drive back, as the city blurred past the window in streaks of neon and rain, Sunghoon casually mentioned that Y/N had prepared dinner for them. Jay blinked, the words settling slower than they should have. For a moment, he didn’t say anything- just stared out the window, watching the city streak by in blurs of gold and gray.
“Y/N,” he repeated eventually, like he was trying the name on his tongue, reminding himself it was real.
Sunghoon didn’t notice the way Jay’s fingers tightened slightly around the strap of his bag, or how his chest rose just a little sharper with the next breath. He just kept talking- about the dinner she was cooking, about how it wasn’t anything fancy, how she insisted it was "just empanadas" even though she spent all morning preparing it.
Jay nodded, smiling faintly, his throat too tight for much else. And inside, he told himself he wouldn’t ruin this. He wouldn’t say a word about the night he and Jake had found her online, sitting in some Seoul bar with Wi-Fi sticky and regret thicker. He wouldn’t tell Sunghoon that he had almost reached out once, almost booked a flight years earlier just to shove him toward her.
No.
This was Sunghoon’s story now. Finally, it was finding its way back.
Jay leaned his head against the cool glass and closed his eyes briefly, letting the city rush by.
Maybe some things were meant to take the long way around.
Jay was normal again by the time they reached Sunghoon’s apartment. It didn’t take much- just a lot of conviction and slipping back into his usual cocky persona, the one he wore like a second skin. Most lawyers had it; Jay had perfected it. Still, as they crossed the threshold, something in him braced without meaning to. His eyes swept the room instinctively, looking for proof, for her. For a second, it felt absurd- this quiet desperation to confirm that she wasn’t just another ghost Sunghoon had built out of grief and old memories. That she was still real after all these years.
And there she was. Y/N. Sitting at the dinner table, mid-bite, blinking up at them with a startled, awkward little smile that somehow made Jay’s chest tighten.
“So you’re the girl Sunghoon’s been unbelievably happy with,” Jay said, smiling.
His voice was easy, his posture relaxed- all charm, all mischief- and he didn’t mean any harm by it. This was his way of showing acceptance- approval, gratitude.
Sunghoon groaned, already dragging a hand down his face. “She doesn’t need to know I talk about her to you.”
Jay stepped forward and pulled Y/N into a quick hug- a brief, casual squeeze that made them acquaintances, allies, something realer than strangers but not yet friends. More importantly, it let Jay swallow the last of his disbelief, let him anchor himself to the fact that this girl was real. That Sunghoon had found her again. He couldn’t wait to talk to Jake about this.
He pulled back with an easy grin. “Don’t worry, all good things,” he said.
“I sure hope so,” Y/N laughed, soft and easy, wiping her hands on her jeans. “It’s really nice to meet you.”
As she turned toward the kitchen to check on dinner, Sunghoon called over his shoulder, “By the way, Jay. When’s the business meeting or whatever?”
Jay flashed a mischievous grin, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Not really a business meeting,” Sunghoon immediately understood what Jay meant. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard that line. He knew Jay well enough to know that when he said he needed a break, it wasn’t from work, but from the suffocating life at home. “Just needed to get away from the wife and kids for a while,” Jay continued, as if it was nothing more than a simple errand.
It wasn’t the fact that Jay was going out to a club, or that he’d been doing it for years now. What gnawed at Sunghoon wasn’t even the affairs. It was the contradiction that Jay had become. Jay, the man who could charm anyone, the man who always knew how to treat his friends with unwavering loyalty and kindness. Jay, who would never let his mother lift a finger, who’d drop everything for a friend in need, who was the first to volunteer to help anyone. He was the perfect son, the perfect friend. He was the kind of man you’d want your daughter to marry. And he was an amazing father to his kids, too. His son adored him; his daughter looked up to him with the kind of love only a child could give.
But as a husband? It was a different story.
Sunghoon had tried to make sense of it. He’d never been one to pry, but he’d known something was off for a while now. There were the fights, the tension that seemed to hang in the air when Jay spoke of Emma, his wife. The woman who, on the surface, was everything Jay needed- beautiful, intelligent, and ambitious. But beneath that exterior, there was something darker. Something... volatile. Emma was a storm, and Jay was constantly caught in the eye of it. She never seemed to be satisfied, always complaining, always accusing him of neglect. It wasn’t the life he had envisioned when they first married.
Sunghoon had learned the truth two years ago, though. It had been over the phone, after another one of Jay’s “business trips” that seemed to stretch on longer than necessary. Jay had been in Spain, hiding away from his reality. The phone call had come late at night, the words slurred, his voice raw with emotion and shame. Jay had admitted it then, between half-chuckles and half-sighs: his marriage wasn’t just falling apart- it had already shattered.
Jay had been cheating. Not just once, but over and over again. The guilt was written all over his face when he finally confessed, his eyes avoiding Sunghoon’s. It was an open secret now, something neither of them could pretend didn’t exist. 
But Jay asked one thing: that Sunghoon not tell Jake. Jake was too pure for this, too innocent to understand. Jay’s words stuck with Sunghoon, gnawing at him every time he saw his friend. Jake, who was the embodiment of what every relationship should strive for. He was the one who would never hurt anyone, let alone his wife, not intentionally.
Jake was probably the happiest in his marriage out of all three of them. He and his wife had built a life together, with shared goals, trust, and respect. He was everything Jay had once wanted to be, before everything fell apart. Jake wouldn’t get it. Jay knew it, Sunghoon knew it. If Jake found out, it would disgust him.
“Guys, dinner’s ready,” Y/N called from the kitchen, unbeknownst to the stare Sunghoon and Jay were sharing, her voice casual but a little shy at the edges.
The table wasn’t grand- just a small spread of empanadas glistening under the soft kitchen lights, bowls of salad thrown together with whatever they had left in the fridge, a bottle of cheap red wine breathing in the center. But it felt like a feast anyway because Jay was in Sunghoon’s city for the first time and it was celebration enough.
They gathered around with clattering feet. Jay joked that he hadn't had a home-cooked meal since his kids started insisting chicken nuggets were a food group, and Sunghoon rolled his eyes, already grabbing a plate like he belonged here, like they all did.
The conversation started simple- work, weather, flights, cities. Jay filled the gaps easily, weaving stories with the kind of natural charm only a seasoned lawyer could pull off. He talked about his firm back in Seoul, how his youngest daughter had tried to draw on his legal documents with crayons, how his son still teased him for losing an argument to a four-year-old. Y/N laughed, head tipped back slightly, that kind of laugh that warmed the room more than the radiator ever could.
Eventually, the stories shifted and, predictably, they turned toward Sunghoon.
Jay grinned around a mouthful of salad as he launched into tales Y/N had never heard- how Sunghoon, back in college, once pulled three consecutive all-nighters trying to finish a model for an architecture competition, only to sleep through the final submission. How he once broke his wrist during a drunken dare to skateboard down the steepest hill on campus, and still showed up to class the next day with his notes balanced on the cast. How he used to draw intricate skylines in the margins of every notebook, even in classes that had nothing to do with architecture.
And of course, Jay couldn’t resist mentioning the infamous Europe trip- the one that changed everything without them realizing it at the time. He talked about how Sunghoon had been so annoyingly hopeful during that summer, so convinced that life was about to open itself up to him in some grand, cinematic way. How he came back different after that trip- quieter, a little more weighted- but never explained why.
Y/N listened closely, soaking in every word.
There was something almost reverent in the way she paid attention- like she was piecing together the missing years of a story she had unknowingly starred in for far too long. She laughed at the right moments, gasped in mock horror when Jay described the skateboard incident, shook her head when he revealed how Sunghoon had once nearly gotten arrested in Barcelona for accidentally trespassing on a historical site he was “admiring too closely.”
Sunghoon mostly kept quiet, nursing his wine, his gaze flickering between his best friend and the woman sitting beside him. He didn’t mind being the subject tonight. If anything, he liked it- liked the way Y/N looked at him with that half-smiling curiosity, like every ridiculous thing Jay said only made him more real to her.
“You know, on that train?” Sunghoon started, looking between Jay and Y/N. “We played cards with this group of old men. And before leaving, they wished us all the best for the future and for love.”
“I remember that,” Y/N’s smile spread softly as she recollected the memory.
“Isn’t it insane? How things worked out.”
Eventually, the night wound down. The dishes were cleared, the wine finished, the laughter tapering into that familiar, comfortable tiredness that only comes after a good meal shared between people who no longer feel like strangers.
Y/N stood and grabbed her bag, pulling out her phone to book a cab. She moved easily, like she had done this a hundred times before. But Jay frowned, watching her from his place on the couch, a sliver of unease threading through his expression.
“How’s it alright,” he muttered under his breath “for a woman to travel alone this late?”
Before he could say more, Sunghoon cut in, already waving him off. “It's safe here,” he said simply. “Safer than Seoul, honestly. She’s done this a million times.”
Jay didn’t argue further. He just pressed his lips into a tight line, nodded once, and disappeared into the guest room, trust stitched into the quiet way he left the conversation.
Sunghoon pulled on his jacket and walked Y/N down to the road where her taxi was waiting, the night wrapped heavy and slow around them. The city had quieted into a low hum, the air thick with the smell of rain and petrol, streetlights buzzing overhead like tired lullabies. They didn’t speak as they walked. There was no need to fill the space between them; the silence had its own kind of gravity, pulling them closer with every step.
At the curb, they paused. Y/N fiddled with the strap of her bag, glancing at the taxi, then back at him. The cab’s engine purred in the background, patient. Sunghoon stood there, watching her, a hundred words building and crumbling behind his teeth. He didn’t want her to go, not again, not even for the night. Without giving himself the time to overthink it- without giving the fear room to grow- he leaned down and kissed her like he did most nights they were parting ways to go to their respective homes. It was a ritual, an agreement that this was how they chose to end their days, some sort of contact, some form of affection.
She smiled at him, softly, like how she always did, her doe eyes staring back at him. He was sleepy, she could tell by his droopy eyes and ruffled brows.
“Move in with me,” he said, his voice low, almost too casual for the weight of what he was asking.
“What?” she whispered, frowning slightly as if she hadn’t heard him right.
“Move in with me,” Sunghoon repeated, steadier this time. “You basically live here anyway. Half your stuff is already here- your books, your sweaters, your coffee cups...” He gave a small, helpless laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Might as well make it official.”
For a long second, she just stood there, caught between him and the waiting cab, the night buzzing softly around them. And then, slowly, impossibly, she smiled and kissed his cheek, her free hand softly cradling his face. She didn’t explicitly say yes, she didn’t have to. She just climbed into the cab with a lingering glance over her shoulder, the answer shining in her eyes before she even closed the door.
And as the taxi pulled away into the night, Sunghoon stood there for a moment longer, jacket hanging open, hands shoved into his pockets, feeling like maybe- finally- he had stopped running.
They found an apartment tucked between Y/N’s university and Sunghoon’s office- a green building at the edge of a sleepy, semi-gated community, where the sidewalks were cracked but clean, and trees arched overhead like old, patient guardians, their branches laced together like clasped hands. Stray cats wandered the streets freely, their coats dusty and proud, weaving between parked bicycles and the crooked legs of plastic chairs.
The building itself was four stories high, its walls covered in creeping ivy that turned gold in the autumn, burgundy in the winter. The paint was chipped in places. The elevator creaked every time it climbed past the second floor. But it was homey in a way most new constructions weren’t- a place that had been lived in, softened at the edges by years of small, ordinary lives.
Their unit was on the third floor, just high enough to catch the breeze but low enough to hear the neighbor’s piano practice in the evenings. The windows were tall and stubborn to open, framed by old iron grilles that let the light scatter across the walls in slanted, golden bars. The living room was small but bright, with just enough space for a second hand couch they picked out together and a low coffee table cluttered with books, half-finished crossword puzzles, and Sunghoon’s abandoned sketches.
The kitchen was recyangular, a single counter running along one wall, stained and scratched from a dozen past tenants. The stove clicked stubbornly before lighting. The fridge leaned slightly to the left. But still, it became a place where pasta boiled over and dumplings burned slightly on the bottom, where mugs clinked in the morning quiet, where grocery lists were scribbled on sticky notes and slapped onto the fridge door.
Their bedroom was tucked into the farthest corner, modest, almost shy. A narrow balcony stretched out from it, barely wide enough for two chairs and a crooked table where they sometimes sat on humid nights, sipping beer or eating cheap ice cream, watching the street lights flicker like tired fireflies.
Downstairs, the community buzzed with a life of its own. There was an old woman who sold baozi from a folding table near the gate every morning, always shouting friendly scolds when Sunghoon forgot his wallet. There was a florist who only opened his shop at odd hours and once gave Y/N a wilting rose for free, just because she said she liked the smell. There were children who played soccer in the narrow lanes, their laughter bouncing off the weathered stone walls, and a retired artist who painted landscapes on the sidewalk with chalk, only to watch them wash away with the next rain.
Inside, they built a life that settled into a rhythm almost without them realizing. Mornings meant fumbling around the kitchen together, half-asleep and heavy-limbed, passing mugs back and forth with clumsy hands and sleepy smiles. Sunghoon usually made the coffee- strong and bitter- while Y/N hovered near the stove, pretending to help but mostly just getting in the way, stealing sips from his cup before her own was ready. Their jokes were softer in the mornings, murmured around yawns, laughter curling lazily into the sunlight pooling across the tiled floor.
Evenings were a little louder, a little messier. Dinner at the small wooden table by the window became a ritual neither of them ever bothered to question. Sometimes it was takeout- greasy dumplings or cold noodles in plastic boxes- and sometimes it was whatever Y/N could cobble together from the fridge after her classes: one-pot pastas, stir-fries that set off the smoke alarm more often than not. Afterward, they curled into each other on the sagging couch, the city flickering outside the window. Y/N would read aloud from whatever novel had captured her that week, her voice threading gently through the room, while Sunghoon rested his head against her shoulder, letting the sound of her fill in all the tired spaces inside him.
Sometimes it was him doing the talking instead- late-night ramblings about impossible project managers, bureaucratic nightmares, steel orders delayed yet again. He would pace the living room in frustration, tossing out architectural jargon, until Y/N tugged him back down beside her and told him, simply, stubbornly, that he was brilliant. And somehow, the knots inside his chest always loosened a little when she said it.
They argued, too- like all real couples did. Sometimes about big things, but mostly about nothing at all. Y/N wanted a pet- a dog, a cat, even a bunny, she said once, her face half-buried in a blanket, grinning. She wanted something living and soft and theirs. Sunghoon resisted, citing their long hours, their unpredictable travel, the fear of leaving something small and trusting behind. Neither of them ever won those arguments outright, but somehow they circled back to it again and again, a low-burning want that never fully left the room.
The balcony plants were another battleground. They had bought them in a fit of optimism one spring- small pots of basil, rosemary, a lemon tree that Y/N insisted would one day bear fruit- but between Sunghoon’s site visits and Y/N’s grading marathons, the poor things wilted and browned faster than they could save them. Every time a plant shriveled into nothing, they pointed fingers half-jokingly at each other, sparring over who was supposed to water them that week.
Some nights, they bickered over movies, scrolling endlessly through the options, each rejecting the other's picks with increasingly absurd excuses. In the end, they usually gave up and flipped to whatever Chinese drama happened to be airing on local TV- always badly acted, always wildly over-the-top, full of improbable plots about secret twin siblings and dramatic amnesia. They would sit side by side on the couch, trading sarcastic commentary, laughing until they couldn’t breathe, until the night felt stitched together with something stronger than just habit.
And just like that, three years had slipped by since they reunited in that quiet Shanghai bookshop, and two years since they moved into their creaky, stubborn apartment- the one with the ivy-covered walls, the third-floor balcony, the kitchen that never fully heated up in winter but somehow became the warmest place they knew. Their home had filled itself over time- birthdays celebrated with mismatched streamers taped hastily to the walls, cooking disasters they cleaned up side by side, little wins toasted with cheap wine until they laughed themselves breathless on the worn-out couch. The walls bore witness to it all- Y/N’s cluttered shelves of trinkets, Sunghoon’s architecture sketches pinned in loose, sprawling lines across the living room, the hum of music on lazy Sundays, the clink of coffee mugs in the mornings, and the quiet, sacred moments of intimacy that didn't need words.
And now, it was time to mark the next chapter. 
Sunghoon’s building- the one he had sketched and dreamed and fought for- was finally complete. His name was folded into the skyline of Shanghai, stitched into concrete and glass, visible only to those who knew where to look. He'd done it- he finally did it.
To celebrate, his company hosted a grand opening, a party far more extravagant than anything Sunghoon would have thrown for himself. It was held in the top floor of the building where the champagne flowed, velvet ropes cordoned off the important people, and unfamiliar faces mingled under bright lights. It was supposed to be about his achievement, his vision made real- but to Sunghoon, it felt heavier, more personal. It felt like surviving. It felt like standing on the other side of everything that should have broken him.
Jay and Jake flew in from Seoul for the event, carrying the kind of chaos and heart only old friends could bring. Jay, with his reckless grin and booming voice, immediately made enemies with the event staff over "no kids running" rules. And the tension between him and his wife didn’t go unnoted. Jake arrived with Minji and their two children, presenting Sunghoon with an aged bottle of whiskey so expensive he almost dropped it in shock. 
When asked what gift Jay had brought, he slapped Sunghoon hard on the back and joked, "Who do you think is gonna be your lawyer when the lawsuits come in?" But later, when the crowd thinned slightly, Jay leaned in and muttered that the real gift- a carved jade vase picked out for him and Y/N- was waiting in his hotel room, too fragile to be dragged through the crowd.
As Sunghoon was swept away by a crowd of people- clients, architects, and reporters, all eager to speak with him, interview him, and congratulate him on the success of his building- Y/N found herself momentarily adrift, the hum of conversations around her blending into a distant background. But before she could get lost in the noise of it all, Jay’s voice broke through, pulling her from her thoughts.
“Y/N,” he called with a warm smile, one that seemed to soften the usual edge in his eyes. “Come meet everyone.”
He introduced her first to Emma, who gave her a polite, though reserved, handshake. Emma’s eyes were kind, but there was something guarded about her smile, as if she were measuring Y/N before deciding how much to let in. Next, Jay introduced her to his children. His son, a bright-eyed eight-year-old, immediately started chatting about his favorite cartoons, while his daughter, a few years younger, shyly held out a hand for a quick shake before retreating to her mother’s side.
Y/N smiled warmly, watching the kids interact with Jake’s, whose boisterous laughter seemed to fill the air as they played together like long-lost friends.
And then, Jake’s family appeared, standing close behind them with easy smiles and a regal air about them, as if their wealth and poise were as much a part of their DNA as their names. Minji, Jake’s wife, stood confidently beside him, her hands full with the impeccable, expensive gift they had brought. She, too, offered Y/N a warm handshake and a glance of approval, one that spoke volumes about the quiet power she held within their circle.
“Your boyfriend’s quite the star tonight,” Jake grinned and raised his wine glass, scanning his eyes across the crowd.
Sunghoon stepped up to the mic, his hand briefly adjusting the collar of his shirt as the room fell silent. A soft clink of silver against glass echoed through the space, signaling the beginning of his speech. He looked out over the crowd, his gaze finding familiar faces among the sea of guests. He looked nervous, his friends could tell by the smile tugging at the corner of his lips and his squinted eyes. Y/N chuckled, clasping her hands together and coaxing him.
"Thank you all for being here tonight," he began, his voice steady but filled with gratitude. "This building has been a lifelong dream of mine, something that’s been in the making for years. I’ve been dreaming about this since I was a kid, when I was still playing with LEGO.”
The crowd lulled at him. 
"This moment wouldn’t be possible without the support of my family, my friends, and everyone who believed in me. I’m especially grateful to my parents, who have always been my foundation, and to my friends- Jay, Jake, and everyone who’s been by my side through thick and thin."
He paused for a moment, his gaze softening as it landed on Y/N. A small smile tugged at his lips.
"And to Y/N, my wonderful girlfriend who never stopped believing in me- for fifteen years, you’ve always been patient and supporting me. In your own, quiet ways." The room was quiet, everyone’s attention rapt, as Sunghoon continued. "This building- this achievement- it's as much as all of yours as it is mine. So, thank you, all of you, for helping me get here."
The crowd erupted in applause. 
He raised his glass slightly. "Here’s to many more moments like this."
The crowd cheered, and the applause filled the room, but Sunghoon’s eyes stayed on Y/N, his heart full.
The applause still echoed in the room, but Sunghoon barely noticed. His heart was pounding, the noise of the crowd fading into the background as his feet moved instinctively toward her. His eyes locked on Y/N, standing at the edge of the room, her smile brighter than he’d ever seen it before.
He could feel the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside him- the pride of the night, the weight of the years of work, and the absolute certainty that in this moment, in this life, all that mattered was her. Everything else- every achievement, every challenge- had led to this.
Without thinking, he jogged towards her, ignored everyone that reached towards him, the excitement in his chest pushing him forward. He took her hands in his, the warmth of her touch grounding him in a way nothing else could. The world felt distant, muted, as if the room had shrunk down to just the two of them, standing in a bubble of their own.
Y/N’s wide, surprised eyes met his, her lips curling into a smile as she looked up at him, unsure of what was coming. Sunghoon didn’t let the moment slip.
"Marry me," he said, his voice low but certain, no hesitation, no ring, no preparation. Just the raw sincerity of what he felt.
Y/N stared at him, stunned, the question hanging between them like a breath neither of them could take. For a second, the whole room seemed to still- the lights, the music, the people- all blurring into the background. All that was left was him, and her, and the weight of everything they had built without ever daring to name it.
"Sunghoon?" Her voice was soft, unsure, like she couldn’t quite believe what he was asking.
"Marry me, Y/N," he repeated, the words tumbling out with all the confidence he had in her, in them, in the life they’d built together. "Make me yours. Marry me,” he looked at her like she’d written his life, like she hung the stars that his building touched. His hair fell on his forehead, eyes sparkling under the white light of the room, his pointy teeth peeking under his lips.
The room continued to buzz around them, but all he could hear was the beating of his heart and the way her hands tightened in his. It was as if everything had led to this point- every smile they’d shared, every quiet moment, every fight, every laugh. It was all right here, and in that one moment, all of it felt like it was finally falling into place.
Y/N’s eyes were searching his face, taking in the rawness of his plea, her breath catching in her throat as her heart caught up with what he was saying. For a beat, it felt like the world had paused. The future, their future, stretched out ahead of them, and for the first time, it didn’t seem so uncertain.
“Yes,” she whispered, fighting the smile that inevitably spread across her face, her eyes beaming. “I’ll marry you, yes.”
That night, their apartment was filled with the kind of laughter that wrapped around the walls and stuck there, soaked into the wood and the floorboards and the worn fabric of the couch. Jay and Jake’s families crowded into the small living room, balancing wine glasses and plates of leftovers, their kids weaving between legs and couch cushions, building forts out of pillows and throwing giggling fits that made even the neighbors downstairs stomp once on their ceiling in protest.
The celebration wasn’t just for the building- although Jake made a big, showy toast about Sunghoon “finally putting something other than Legos together.” It wasn’t just for the engagement, either- although Jay yelled loud enough for the entire floor to hear when Y/N showed off the temporary ring Sunghoon had bought from a street vendor just to make it official. It was for everything- for the survival, the endurance, the blind faith it had taken to get here.
The whiskey Jake had brought from Korea was uncorked, its rich, smoky scent curling through the apartment, mixing with the smells of cheap takeout and someone's abandoned lavender hand lotion. They drank too much and laughed too hard and retold old stories, the ones that had been dragged out a hundred times before but still hit just as hard. They toasted to love, to family, to new beginnings that had been a long time coming.
At the center of it all was Y/N and Sunghoon, pressed into each other on the couch, still a little dazed, still blinking like they couldn’t quite believe their luck. Sunghoon leaned into her, his forehead bumping against hers, their hands tangled loosely in the space between them. Y/N laughed at something Jay said across the room, the sound spilling over Sunghoon’s shoulder like warm water. He looked at her the way you look at something you know you’re going to spend the rest of your life memorizing.
The next morning arrived heavy and slow. The hall smelt of whiskey and cold takeout with sunlight slanting lazily across the messy apartment floor. Jay and Jake groaned their way out of the guest room, looking like they'd aged a decade overnight. The kids and the wives were still sleeping, Y/N still locked in the room with her head buried in pillows. While Sunghoon, somehow, had the audacity to be chipper, already showered and dressed, pacing the living room with a cup of coffee in hand.
"Let’s go," he said brightly, nudging Jake with his foot where he slumped on the couch.
"Go where?" Jake grunted, rubbing his face.
Sunghoon just grinned and said, "You’ll see."
Half an hour later, they were standing in front of a jewelry store in downtown Shanghai, still half-hungover, blinking against the polished glass and diamond shine like they’d stumbled into a parallel universe. Jake muttered something about needing sunglasses. Jay just stood there with his hands in his pockets, squinting at the window displays like they personally offended him.
When they went inside, it didn’t take long for chaos to start.
"I’m telling you, oval cut is the way to go," Jake said, leaning dramatically over the glass counter, pointing at a delicate, glittering ring.
Jay scoffed. "Oval is boring. Get her a princess cut. Classic. Clean. Also sounds badass- princess cut."
Jake rolled his eyes. "You're a lawyer, not a jeweler. Stay in your lane."
"And you’re a surgeon, not a stylist. What do you know about jewelry?"
“I know more about cuts than you!”
They kept going, arguing louder and louder, drawing a few raised eyebrows from the staff, while Sunghoon- unnoticed- had already chosen. The moment he saw it, he knew. Simple and elegant, a solitaire diamond, set low in a slender band of platinum. Not too flashy, not too plain.
Exactly Y/N- exactly her in every way that mattered.
Without saying a word, Sunghoon pulled out his card, signed the receipt, and slipped the velvet box into his jacket pocket. By the time Jake and Jay turned around, still bickering over cushion cuts versus marquise cuts, Sunghoon was already walking out the door.
"Wait- did you pick one?" Jay called after him, confused.
Sunghoon didn’t even slow down. He just tossed a grin over his shoulder and said, "Already done. Keep arguing if you want, though. Maybe you can pick your own next time."
“Excuse me, next time?”Jake looked at Jay, comical confusion on his face. But they ignored him and dragged him to a restaurant for lunch.
iii. When The Lights Start to Flicker
They'd been married a little over a year now, still living in the same apartment. The place had become a reflection of them- a small, sunlit sanctuary amid the constant rush of Shanghai. Sunghoon had started designing a house for them to build one day, a place they could call their own. He envisioned a space with wide windows to catch the morning light, a garden with space for their future children to play, and maybe even a little patch of grass where they could set up a swing. The plan was to settle in Shanghai, to raise their family here, to grow old together and, eventually, die here. Shanghai had become their city, their home.
Above their bed hung their only wedding photo- a courthouse wedding they had to have in Hong Kong. They hadn’t had time to plan something big, but the simplicity of it made it feel real in a way nothing else could. Their faces were flushed from laughter, hair messily styled from the winds on the ferry, clothes wrinkled and etched, eyes bright and full of hope- a stark contrast to the quiet mornings that followed.
The jade vase Jay had gifted them for their wedding day now sat on their balcony, a tiny lemon tree growing from it, its leaves stubborn and green despite the occasional gusts of wind. It was one of those small symbols of their life together- not perfect, not always flourishing, but resilient. Framed pictures dotted the apartment- photos from holidays with their families, snapshots from trips they’d taken with Jake and Jay’s families, and spontaneous polaroids of the two of them in various places, their smiles as wide and unguarded as the moments in which they were taken. 
Jay and Emma were divorced now, but they still kept in touch, if only for the sake of the kids. Jake’s children were growing fast, entering middle school now, a milestone Sunghoon couldn’t quite wrap his head around, hearing them yell “Samchon Sunghoon” over the phone all the time. Sometimes, they’d talk about their plans for the future- whether it was dinners at the new restaurant in Shanghai or weekend trips to the coast- always something to look forward to, always an excuse to keep moving forward, to keep adding to the timeline of their life.
Life seemed good. No- life was good. Better than Sunghoon had ever dared hope for. In the mornings, Y/N would make coffee while he sat at the kitchen counter, scrolling through his sketches for the house, and they’d talk about their day- trivial things at first: what they’d have for dinner, what he should wear to the meeting later. Then, there were the deeper conversations, the ones where they talked about their future, the one they were building together, like they were planting seeds for something that would last a lifetime.
Evenings were quiet. After dinner, they’d curl up on the couch, wrapped in soft blankets, watching old movies or the latest series they had gotten hooked on. Y/N liked to talk about their plans as if they were already there- as if the house was already standing, the kids already laughing in the garden. It felt like a dream Sunghoon was terrified to wake up from. There were nights he lay awake beside her, her steady breathing grounding him, his mind racing with the fear that it could all be taken away with a single misstep, a wrong decision. He felt too lucky, too undeserving of all of this. He couldn’t help but wonder, sometimes, if this was just a dream, one that he would wake up from at any moment- a dream that, apparently, was their life.
There were small moments, too- the way Y/N would smile when he’d finish a long day at work, the way she hummed a quiet tune while tending to the plants in their living room, the soft rustling of pages as she read before bed. Little things, but they were the rhythm of their life, the foundation of something they had both worked for and built from scratch.
Yeah. Life was great.
Until the night he came home and found her sobbing on the couch.
The sound cracked through the apartment like a whip, stopping him in his tracks. His bag slid forgotten from his shoulder as he rushed to her side, crouching in front of her, reaching out without even knowing what he would say. Y/N was folded into herself, shaking, the kind of sobs that came from somewhere deeper than just grief. It took long, fumbling minutes to piece the story together through her broken words.
“Do you remember my uncle John?” Y/N asked between sobs. “The one who…”
Killed himself?
“Yeah,” Sunghoon nodded, his hand gripping hers and holding her against her chest. 
“His daughter,” she sobbed. “His daughter hung herself.”
Her cousin- the eldest daughter of her late uncle- was gone. A suicide, barely days away from earning her PhD. She had flown home under the pretense of rest and family- and instead had left a note explaining she had come to say goodbye.
Sunghoon’s arms wrapped around her instantly, pulling her against him, shielding her from the world with nothing but his own helpless warmth. He listened as she cried out memories, old guilt, new grief, her voice cracking apart in ways he didn’t know how to fix. He stayed with her through the night, through the tremors of her heart breaking open again, whispering comfort into her hair even though he knew it couldn’t patch the hole now yawning wide inside her.
The days that followed blurred together. Y/N couldn’t sleep. She wandered the apartment like a ghost, curling into Sunghoon at odd hours, talking in tangled loops about death, about missing signs, about how unfair it all was. Sunghoon held her through it, steady as he could be, biting down his own helplessness because what else was there to do?
And then, one night, it shifted into something worse.
She sat on the couch again, curled up in her favorite worn sweatshirt, the fabric soaked with tears. But this time, when she spoke, the names were wrong. The story was wrong. She wasn’t talking about her cousin anymore- she was talking about her uncle. About the bathtub, the blood, the knife slipping from his hand. Events that had happened years ago, long before they met. Like all of that was happening now.
Sunghoon’s heart stopped cold.
He knelt in front of her, his hands cupping her tear-streaked face, his voice shaking as he tried to pull her back. “Y/N,” he said softly, urgently, "that was... years ago. Not now. Not this time. It's your cousin, remember?"
For a long moment, she just stared at him like she didn’t know where she was, like he was speaking a language she couldn’t quite catch. And then, slowly, she blinked, wiped her face with trembling fingers, and whispered, “Sunghoon? Right. Right… years ago.”
Sunghoon didn’t think much of it- he chalked it up to exhaustion. In all the time she spent crying and juggling work and keeping herself alive, it could easily have been her brain trying to keep up. The stress of grief, the late nights spent tossing and turning, and the constant pressure to appear okay- it all had to take its toll somewhere. He convinced himself it was just a phase, something temporary that would eventually pass. But deep down, there was a quiet, nagging feeling he couldn't quite shake.
Because one day, when she woke up beside him, Sunghoon felt it in the air before she even opened her eyes. She stared at him like she had never seen him before, like a stranger had slipped into their bed overnight. The seconds stretched and cracked, her gaze flickering with confusion, then panic. And in a heartbeat, she was scrambling out of bed, shouting “Bloody Mary!” like some kind of primal instinct had taken hold of her.
“Who are you?” She demanded, voice breaking, hands shaking, frantic. “How did you get in here?”
Sunghoon’s heart sank, raw and painful, as he sat frozen for a moment, the silence between them suffocating. He couldn’t breathe. He slowly got out of bed, each step toward her feeling like a weight around his chest, every word that left his mouth laced with fear.
“Y/N, it’s just me. It’s me- Sunghoon,” he whispered, his voice shaking, as if trying to pull her back from some invisible abyss. She froze, eyes wide, unblinking, but she wasn’t seeing him. Not really.
It took minutes- long, painful minutes- before her eyes cleared, and she blinked slowly, the pieces clicking back into place. She looked at him as if waking from a nightmare, and the moment she realized it, she crumpled into him, sobbing uncontrollably.
He didn’t leave her side that day. She didn’t go to work. She didn’t even get out of bed. Her body seemed to collapse in on itself, the weight of her confusion pressing down on her, and he held her tighter, as if that might make the pieces fit again.
There were other days, too, small moments that cut through him like a knife. She’d stand in front of the fridge, staring at it like she had no idea what it was for, no idea what she was looking for. He'd ask if she needed anything, and she’d shake her head with a small, distant smile, as if she were trying to remember the question.
And then there was the train.
The train ride that had started it all- the one that had sparked their first conversation, the first connection, the first laughter. Sunghoon would bring it up from time to time, a simple, warm memory to anchor them both. But Y/N would look at him, eyes soft and unfocused, and tilt her head.
“Train?” she’d ask, brow furrowing. “What train?”
He would try again, his voice gentle, coaxing. “Y/N, our train. Sixteen years ago, when we met. In Europe. You remember? We talked for hours.”
“Europe?” Her voice was small, uncertain, as if the word was a strange, unfamiliar sound in her mouth.
Sunghoon’s heart would crack a little more every time, and he’d blink back tears, trying to hold it together. She wasn’t her in those moments. The woman who had laughed with him for hours, who had stolen his heart on that train ride, seemed to slip farther away with each passing day.
He'd search her face for something- anything- that resembled the woman he knew. But all he’d find was a faint trace of recognition, a distant look in her eyes, as though she was staring at him from the other side of a foggy glass.
“I... I don’t remember, Sunghoon,” she’d say softly, a frown pulling at her lips. “I’m sorry.”
“How did we meet, Y/N? When was the first time we met?”
Y/N broke down in tears again because she, in fact, could not recall.
But then, the memory lapses seemed to fade. As she began to come to terms with her cousin’s death- after the funeral, after the guilt, after the crushing waves of grief- she seemed lighter, steadier. The moments of confusion slipped into the background, infrequent enough to feel like grief-induced fog rather than something concerning. And Sunghoon, so desperate to believe that everything was okay, let himself believe it too. He didn’t tell anyone. Not Jake, not Jay, not even her family. He pushed it away like a bad dream, convinced that maybe it had all just been stress, and that maybe, just maybe, they were fine again.
Until one day, when Y/N was on her way to the metro station for work and called him in full-blown panic. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she whispered into the phone, breath sharp and uneven. “I don’t know where I’m going, Sunghoon. I don’t know why I left.”
He ran out of the apartment, sprinting down the streets near the station, his heart thudding so hard it made his ears ring. When he found her, she was sitting on the sidewalk by the flower vendor, her knees pulled to her chest, hands trembling. And when she looked up at him, her eyes flooded with relief. “Hoon,” she gasped, like she had been holding her breath the whole time. He dropped to his knees and pulled her into his arms right there on the pavement. And at least she still remembered him. That was something- that was everything.
But the small incidents began piling up like dominoes. One evening after dinner with friends, she fumbled through her purse for the house keys, her anxiety rising with every second. “They're gone, I can’t find them, I must’ve lost them.” Her voice cracked with panic- until Sunghoon gently took her hand and unfolded her fingers to reveal the keys she’d been clutching all along. Another day, she left the stove on while boiling eggs and stepped out for groceries. The fire alarm screamed through the building, and Sunghoon came home to the smell of scorched metal and neighbors in the hallway, shaken.
Then there were the names- she’d start stories and stall mid-sentence, unable to remember who she was talking about. She began confusing days of the week, missed appointments she’d never forget before, and sometimes called objects by the wrong name- a toothbrush was a “face stick,” a clock was a “time circle.” She started repeating herself too- asking if they had milk three times in ten minutes. Sunghoon would answer each time like it was the first, but the silence that followed hurt worse than anything else.
Eventually, with a shaking hand and dread thick in his throat, Sunghoon called Jake.
“She’s forgetting things, Jake,” he said, voice low and broken. “Not just little things. Big things. She gets scared. She’s getting words wrong, she’s leaving the stove on. She called me from the metro station and didn’t know why she was there. And... it’s happening more and more often.”
There was a pause on the other end of the line, and then Jake’s voice came through, steady but grave. “Sunghoon… She's showing signs of dementia. It sounds like she’s on her way to Alzheimer’s. You need to find out if anyone in her family has a history of it. Now.”
Turns out, after a gentle, seemingly harmless conversation Sunghoon started one afternoon while folding laundry beside her- “Hey, do you know if anyone in your family ever had memory problems?”- he found out that Y/N’s maternal grandmother had died of Alzheimer’s. It happened in a way her family never really talked about it. It had been brushed off as “old age,” but the signs were there, Y/N’s mother admitted later. She had forgotten her children’s names in the final years. She couldn’t even recognize her husband.
And from then on, it was like the truth became impossible to ignore.
Y/N’s memory declined like the last embers of a dying fire- slow at first, barely visible, but then suddenly collapsing inwards. She’d forget what room she was walking into, or why she was holding a spoon in the bathroom. She began writing notes on post-its and sticking them everywhere- Keys are on the hook. Your uncle and cousin are dead. You’re married to Sunghoon. Sometimes, even she couldn't read her own handwriting.
She stopped cooking. She’d forget she had started, then come back hours later to find uncooked rice soaking or wilted vegetables on the counter. Sometimes she’d call Sunghoon in tears because she couldn’t find the phone she was calling from. Her mood began to swing without warning. Sweet one moment, then suddenly furious, accusing Sunghoon of hiding things, or worse- cheating on her.
She’d wake up in the middle of the night and scream because she didn’t recognize their bedroom. There were days she wouldn’t even let him touch her, claiming he was an impersonator. “Where’s my husband?” She’d cry. “Sunghoon would never keep me here.” And then, as if a switch had flipped, she’d melt into his arms and sob.
Eventually, she quit her job and stopped working on her next book. She couldn’t remember her passwords, couldn’t keep up with deadlines, and once left her office because she got scared that the people there were “pretending” to know her. Sunghoon stopped going into the studio too. He asked to work remotely, spending most of his time beside her, trying to anchor her to the present. But she started living almost entirely in the past.
The outbursts became violent. She once threw a mug across the kitchen. She started locking herself in the bathroom, refusing to come out. Jake and Y/N’s family began to insist gently- and then firmly- that Sunghoon consider long-term care. That he couldn’t do this alone, that she was slipping away and needed help.
Sunghoon didn’t want to let her go. He couldn’t imagine a day without her- her real, true self, even if she only appeared in flickers now. But after one especially bad night- Y/N screaming and crying, hitting herself, convinced her dead uncle was still alive and had just called her- he brought it up.
“I think maybe…” he whispered, kneeling beside her where she was curled up in the hallway, “maybe we should find a place. Somewhere safe. Somewhere with people who know how to help you.”
Her eyes blazed. “You want to lock me up?” She spat. “You think I’m crazy?”
“No- no, baby, that’s not-”
“Then why are you doing this to me?” she shrieked. “I’m not leaving. I’m not going anywhere! You’re not taking me!”
They tried again later. Her mother came, and Jake, and even her old colleague from the university. But each time, Y/N fought like a wild animal. She screamed and sobbed and clung to Sunghoon like a drowning woman. And each time, they had to remind her- again and again- You’re in the future. You have dementia. You don’t remember because your brain is forgetting things. You have Alzheimer’s.
Some mornings, she’d dress up in old college hoodies and ask what time her environmental psychology class was. She’d talk about a boy named Henry- someone she dated when she was 19- and wonder why he hadn’t called. Once, she set the table for dinner and asked if her uncle was coming. Another time, she stood by the window for hours waiting for her cousin to come pick her up.
Worst of all were the moments when her eyes would light up, recognition blooming, and she'd talk to Sunghoon like she remembered everything- only to forget his name halfway through the conversation.
One afternoon, they were walking back from a small bakery, when she wandered toward a street vendor selling baozi. She smiled warmly at the woman and launched into fluent French. The seller blinked, confused, and Sunghoon gently placed a hand on Y/N’s back.
“She thinks she’s in Marseille,” he whispered, forcing a smile.
Y/N turned to him, delighted. “Can you believe this aunty sells baozi in France?”
Sunghoon didn’t correct her. He just nodded, voice tight, “Yeah, baby. That’s wild.”
Because sometimes, lying was the kindest thing he could do.
And then… Y/N wasn’t lucid anymore. Not even for a moment, not even in the in-betweens. The disease had taken everything- her memories, her language, her personality. It stripped her of everything that made her her- and what remained was just a flickering ghost, a body that moved and blinked and sometimes smiled at nothing. A shell. Breathing, yes, but not alive- not really.
Sunghoon wasn’t her husband anymore. He was a kind man who brought her food and gently wiped drool from her chin. A stranger who helped her get dressed when she stared blankly at her hands like they didn’t belong to her. A shadow in her life that didn’t mean anything to her anymore, though to him- God, to him- she was still everything.
He couldn’t remember the last time she’d been truly there with him.
Was it months ago? When they went to that new Chinese film- the one they’d talked about for weeks? He remembered holding her hand in the theatre, feeling the tremble in her fingers, how she laughed at a joke five seconds after everyone else. Or maybe it was more recent- last week, maybe? When he was cooking dinner, she wandered in, looked at him for a long, glassy-eyed second, then slowly wrapped her arms around his waist. She just held him. No words, no explanation- just a small human miracle.
But that was gone now. Completely, utterly gone. 
She stared through windows like she was waiting for someone who would never arrive. She whispered to herself, nonsense words, phrases from decades ago. She forgot how to use the bathroom. Forgot how to chew. She didn’t recognize mirrors, or her own name.
And her eyes- those beautiful, sharp, sparkling eyes- were just fog now. Pale glass. Empty, like a house with all the lights turned off.
Sunghoon sat beside her every night and read the books they used to love. Even though she didn’t respond. Even though she didn’t blink. He combed her hair. He played her favorite music. He held her hand until she pulled away like he was nothing but static.
Jake flew in from China after a call with her doctors, something urgent in his voice. He couldn’t stand the silence on the other end of the updates anymore. Couldn’t stand the breaking in Sunghoon’s voice- the exhaustion, the hollowness. He met with every doctor, every specialist, brought files and reports and records. But they all said the same thing, their eyes filled with pity:
“She’s in the final stage.”
Jake stood in the cold hallway outside Y/N’s room that night, phone to his ear, as he talked to Jay back home. His voice was low, cracked.
“I don’t think Sunghoon can live through this,” Jake said. “Not this time. He loses Y/N, we lose him too.”
Jay didn’t respond for a long time. When he did, his voice was barely a whisper.
“There’s no cure for Alzheimer’s… is there?”
Jake’s silence was answer enough.
There was a long, bitter breath. The kind you let out when there’s nothing else to say.
“He’s dying in pieces,” Jake finally said. “Watching her fade day after day- he’s dying with her. But slower. Crueler.”
And it was true.
Sunghoon hadn’t been sleeping. He hadn’t been eating right. His eyes were rimmed red all the time, the edges of his mouth permanently turned down like someone grieving something invisible. He sat beside Y/N’s bed for hours, watching her blink at the ceiling or hum some broken tune from childhood. He whispered her name so many times it stopped sounding like a real word.
And sometimes, just sometimes, she would glance his way. Not with recognition. Not with warmth. Just the barest flicker. A look that said: You seem kind. But not: You’re mine. You’re the man I loved. The life I chose.
That had died a long time ago.
“No, no, don’t touch me!” Y/N screamed, thrashing her arms violently, knocking over the bedside lamp.
“Y/N, please- please, it’s me,” Sunghoon pleaded, hands hovering midair, helpless. “It’s me. It’s Sunghoon.”
“Don’t say my name like you know me!” She howled, eyes wide and wild, spit flying from her lips. “Where’s my Uncle?! Where’s my cousin? What did you do to them?!”
“Y/N, they’re not-” He couldn’t even say it. Not dead. Not gone. Not again.
She stumbled back into the dresser, knocking down her perfume bottles. The crash made her scream louder. “You kidnapped me! You sick bastard, get away from me!”
His legs gave way and he knelt on the floor, arms limp. The weight in his chest felt like drowning, like suffocating underwater and knowing no air was coming.
His Y/N, who once kissed him under the rain in Prague. Who held his hand through every storm. Who made burnt toast every morning and danced barefoot in the kitchen when she thought he wasn’t looking.
That woman was gone. And this… this terrified creature screaming at shadows- was what remained.
He watched her curl into a ball near the window, sobbing into her knees, whispering names of people who hadn’t existed in years. Her cousin. Her uncle. All dead. Yet in her head, they were just in the next room.
His lungs burned. He hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath.
She’s dying.
Not fast, not clean. But slow and fucking torturous- like a sun going cold over weeks, months, years. He couldn’t even scream. The pain was too heavy for sound.
He crawled toward her, barely able to speak. “You’re safe, Y/N. You’re safe. I would never hurt you.”
She flinched from him like he was a monster.
And it broke him. God, it broke him in a way no words could hold.
He wanted to tear his skin off. Rip out his heart and offer it to her like: Here. Take it. If it means you remember me again for just one minute- take it.
“I love you,” he whispered, voice hollow. “Even if you don’t know who I am anymore. Even if this- if this is all that’s left of us.”
She just kept sobbing.
And Sunghoon sat beside her like a ghost in his own home, rocking slightly, eyes glazed with tears that would never stop falling.
He was losing her. Just like before.
But this time… this time, it wasn’t death that took her.
It was forgetting.
And that was worse.
Because now, he had to wake up every single day… to watch the woman he loved disappear right in front of him.
Over and over again.
Until there was nothing left.
iv. The Bath Water Was Cold
Y/N was lucid.
For the first time in weeks- maybe months- her mind was still. No fog, no missing names, no confusion. Just unbearable, crystalline clarity.
She sat on the edge of the bed in her nightgown, trembling, knowing that something was wrong. The moonlight streaked across the wooden floors like ghostlight, pale and haunting. The house was quiet. Too quiet, like it was already mourning her. Sunghoon was asleep beside her, his face serene like the past few years weren’t filled with the torture Y/N had brought upon him- she’d become a burden, she knew it.
The walls no longer combined into a collage of framed pictures, Sunghoon’s sketches and movie posters anymore- they were sticky notes, all small reminders of Y/N’s life and what it really was- the real version, not the jumbled memory version. The house was messy with ripped pillows, strewn blankets, a shattered mug in the corner of the kitchen, a broken window- she didn’t know what happened to cause it. But she knew it was probably because of her.
In the mirror, she saw herself.
Not the version Sunghoon kept insisting still existed- the brave, curious woman who once dove off boats and kissed him under stars. Not the woman who used to teach English, who quoted Greek philosophy, who went on a spontaneous Europe trip alone. No. This version was frail, hollowed, yes sunken, lips pale, skin dull. She looked like someone halfway to the other side already.
Her fingers gripped the edge of the sink, nails digging into the ceramic. She thought of her cousin, of her uncle, of the smell of her old childhood home, of France, of baozi, of the train ride with Sunghoon, of the moment she fell in love with him, of the night he asked her to marry him. But she couldn’t remember what had been happening for the past couple of years- she didn’t remember how Sunghoon was killing himself to take care of her, she didn’t remember the pain her condition brought upon her family- she just knew, like it was some sort of gut feeling.
She thought of what would happen tomorrow when she woke up. The blank stares, the panic, the shaking, the way Sunghoon’s voice cracked every time he had to explain who he was again. Like carving a wound into his chest, again and again, daily.
She couldn’t do that to him. She couldn’t be a monster in his story and he couldn't be the martyr to her story. She wouldn’t allow it.
So she ran a bath. Not hot. Not warm. Cold- the kind of cold where you hissed at the contact of water. And she wanted to feel it- wanted it to shock her back into herself, wanted the bite of it to remind her that she was alive- right now.
She stepped in slowly, like stepping into a grave. The porcelain shivered beneath her as she slid down, letting her head rest back.
And then, she slipped under.
No gasping. No flailing. Just… silence.
The last thought that crossed her mind was of Sunghoon’s face when she first kissed him. How his eyes fluttered shut, how gentle he was, how scared he was to fall in love. And how he did it anyway.
I love you. I’m sorry. I love you.
And just like that, Y/N was alone- ceasing to exist. The shadow she thought she’d gotten rid of had returned in a form much more permanent, much more numbing.
Sunghoon woke up to cold sheets.
That was the first sign. Y/N was always up early, but she always tucked herself back in, wrapped herself around him like ivy. The second sign was the silence. No kitchen clatter, no soft footsteps, no humming of French lullabies. The third sign was the open bathroom door.
“Y/N?” he called softly, walking barefoot across the wood.
Nothing.
He stepped into the bathroom and saw her.
At first, he didn’t understand. He blinked, trying to make sense of what he was looking at. Then it hit him like a train. Her body, limp in the tub. Water still, blue, like glass around her. Her face turned slightly to the side, lips pale, eyes closed. So still, too still.
“No,” he breathed, and the world cracked.
He fell to his knees, the sound that escaped him not even human. It was raw, unhinged, guttural. He plunged his arms into the water, ice biting his skin, and pulled her out with all the strength he had left. Her body was heavier than he remembered. Deadweight. Dead. Dead. He screamed her name, pressed his ear to her chest, shook her, slapped her face gently, kissed her cold lips, sobbed into her skin.
“Come on,” he begged, voice hoarse. “Please, wake up, Y/N. Please. Baby. Just one more time.”
He tried CPR. He screamed until his throat bled. He called the ambulance. He called the police. He called Jake. He called her mother. Called his mother. He called anyone and everyone. But she was already gone- had been for hours.
He lay on the bathroom floor with her cradled against him, soaking wet, rocking back and forth like a man possessed. When the paramedics arrived, they had to pry her from his arms. He fought them. He kicked and screamed. He cursed God. He cursed the mirror. He cursed himself for not waking up earlier. For not sleeping with one eye open. For not knowing.
Jake arrived just as they were wheeling her body out. He caught sight of Sunghoon- barefoot, drenched, shaking like a leaf, bloodshot eyes, face a ruin of grief.
“I should’ve known,” Sunghoon rasped, collapsing into Jake’s arms.
Jake couldn’t speak. Couldn’t breathe. Just held him as Sunghoon shattered.
In the days that followed, Sunghoon stopped eating. Not out of protest, not out of some conscious decision to spiral- but because food simply didn’t make sense anymore. The smell of it nauseated him. His stomach didn’t growl; his body didn’t ask. It was like it too had given up, echoing his refusal to accept the world without her in it. He didn't move from their bedroom, except to use the bathroom or stare blankly out of the balcony where the lemon tree still stood tall in the jade vase Jay had gifted them, now with one yellowing leaf curling at its edge. The rest of the apartment felt like an unfamiliar museum of their life together- every framed photo now a relic, every memory preserved in glass. He sat curled up on her side of the bed for hours at a time, her old scarf clutched between his hands, threadbare and faded but still faintly warm with her scent. He would press it to his face, over and over, inhaling until his chest hurt- like if he could just breathe deep enough, she’d come back to him. But with each passing hour, the scent faded, and so did his hope.
The funeral happened without him. He couldn’t bear it- the thought of standing before a coffin and admitting aloud that it contained her. That the girl who once ran barefoot through summer rain with him, who cried watching terrible documentaries, who held his face and told him she would love him forever- was now a cold, still body in a box. He didn’t want the last time he saw her to be like that. He wanted to remember her in motion- laughing, crying, living. So when her parents and Jake pleaded with him to come, when Jay sent messages begging him to say goodbye properly, all he could do was shake his head and whisper, “I already did.”
People came and went- friends from university, colleagues from work. Emma and Minji came by with a bouquet and left it in silence. Jake and Jay stayed. They cooked, cleaned, and took calls when Sunghoon couldn’t answer them. They spoke in hushed tones with her family, organized papers, and cleared out her drawer of medications. Once, Jake heard Sunghoon crying softly in the kitchen, trying not to be heard, and for a split second, he wanted to go to him, to lean on someone. But he didn’t, he couldn’t. Because the only person he had ever learned to lean on was gone. And in her place was just this howling emptiness that threatened to swallow him whole.
He whispered into the silence at night, curling into himself on the cold mattress. “I love you. Come back.” He said it like a prayer, like a mantra, like a spell. Over and over. Sometimes it was a whisper, sometimes it was a scream into the hollow dark. But she never did. There was no sign. No dream, no flicker in the corner of the room that maybe, just maybe, she was still around. The scarf didn’t smell like her anymore. The lemon tree began to wilt. And one afternoon, he caught a glimpse of their wedding photo, and it felt like looking at strangers- a man and a woman in love, two people he no longer recognized. Because who was he now? What was left of her, other than ashes in an urn and silence in the house they were supposed to grow old in?
The bathwater was cold. He remembered the moment he found her like it was still unfolding in slow motion- the door ajar, the silence unnatural, the steam long gone, and her body submerged- pale, still, floating like she belonged to another world. He remembered the sound of his own scream. The way he’d collapsed to his knees and tried to lift her out- how heavy she was, like her spirit had left her behind, leaving only a shell. He remembered slipping in the water and choking on sobs, calling her name, begging, pleading, wailing until the neighbors banged on the door and Jake had to pry him away from her lifeless body.
She was gone. No coma. No miracle. No bargaining with God. No gentle goodbye. Just gone. And he had no one but himself to blame. 
And now all he had was this echoing ache, a grief too big to fit inside his ribs. He wished she had left a note. Something-  anything- to make sense of why she chose to leave like that. But maybe she didn’t need to explain. Maybe knowing her mind was unraveling was enough explanation. Maybe she didn’t want him to have to see her forget again. Maybe she thought she was saving him.
How ironic- how utterly, grotesquely hilarious- that the universe seemed to have written his life as a tragedy with no intermission. He had lost his first wife in the kind of grief that rots you quietly, only to stumble into Y/N’s love like it was salvation. But now she was gone too, and in her place was nothing. No redemption, no closure- just silence and rot. He had lost his first wife to find Y/N. He had lost Y/N to lose himself. It was as if love had only ever existed to teach him the shape of absence; as if love was nothing but a punishment wearing a beautiful face.
v. Epilogue: The Lightswitch 
When Sunghoon told people that he’d been married twice- that had been widowed twice, people looked at him with disbelief. As if someone with such an attractive face and impeccable talent as an architect could not possibly receive such punishment from the universe. And usually, it was the young women that reacted this way, the ones who had daddy issues and looked at him like he could fix them for the night. And to these girls, his loss and grief and brooding past was more attractive.
Sunghoon was old now. In another world, he would have been a grandfather by now- if life went according to his plan, if no one had passed away and if no one walked away like idiots and luck was on his side. And with age- since a young age, actually- Sunghoon had attended a plethora of funerals. He knew funerals the way he knew an old friend- always there in the back of his mind, stored with random information, but not knowing where to let that information go.
The first funeral he attended was when he was a kid. It was his grandfather’s funeral. And after his, more of his grandparents passed away and his life circled around grieving parents, white flowers hung around framed pictures of the deceased and rituals that he didn't understand the need for performance but since his parents dragged him to it, he had no choice. The funeral he attended as an adult- the first true loss he faced- was of his first wife’s. He was the one that organized her funeral- through tears and pain and weight he couldn’t carry himself but did anyway. Because as a husband, he was responsible for it. And because he respected her too much and loved her too much.
And the funeral after that? It was of his second wife’s- Y/N’s. And he didn’t exactly attend the funeral, nor did he play a part in organizing it. His friends and Y/N’s parents had taken full responsibility, letting Sunghoon grieve over the love of his life- because she truly was, Y/N. The girl he met on a train, the girl he reunited with in a random coffee shop in a random city and the girl who let him rediscover himself. And she was gone too fast, too soon. Sometimes he'd wonder how many good years they had together- four years? Maybe five? Before her cousin had passed away- he still remembered the date.
There was a piece of her in everything he did- his building in Shanghai, the rest of the buildings he’d ever design, the clothes he bought for himself now (he’d only buy clothes in colors Y/N liked) and the food he cooked for himself. Usually it was her spaghetti recipe or her mala tofu recipe. And everytime he cooked one of Y/N’s recipes, he’d cry while eating the food. 
Sunghoon even wrote a book, in the memory of Y/N. He’d dedicated it to her and also his first wife, his friends, and his family. The book was a collection of short stories that revolved around two characters- two characters who met in a train and chose to adventure through life together, who explored themes of love, grief and all the other complicated emotions Sunghoon never got to confront until writing that book. And when publishing it (with the help of Jay’s connections), he’d included his favourite picture of Y/N in the back page- it was of her standing in front of the skeleton of his Shanghai building wearing a bright yellow hard hat and ridiculously large reflective vest. He even had that picture framed on his desk.
The funerals that would follow felt more natural that the previous two. His parents passed away with old age, his dog (who he adopted a few months after Y/N’s death) passed away due to cancer and more older people he knew- Jake’s parents, Jay’s parents, Y/N’s parents… one by one, they all passed away. But Sunghoon wondered why he was still alive. He wondered why the universe had taken away everyone from him but refused to take him instead. 
Sometime after Y/N’s passing, he moved back to Korea. And he lived with Jay for the time being- both bachelors (but Jay had his kids over a lot), both focusing on their careers and both holding onto each other for support. Some nights, they went to Jake’s house where they would play with his kids and eat the dinner Minji cooked. And other nights, they would both be buried in their work, not a word exchanged between them. 
He didn’t intend on visiting Shanghai, not even to see his building. He was too afraid, too weak to look at the building and not remember the glow on Y/N’s face when he asked her to marry him. It was too personal, too obvious. Sometimes, a picture of his building would show up on the paper or on social media would bring an ache to his chest. And he tried moving on, to replace the memories, but somehow, everything that was his had also been hers. 
Eventually, living in Korea felt like a burden, too. And so he relocated to Paris, where he got a job with double the pay and where his company provided him with accommodation in a fancy apartment. He went to France because it was the country Y/N spoke about the most during her last few days- always recalling the Eiffel tower, always spewing in the little French she knew and always calling baozi baguettes. When he reminisced, Sunghoon was able to chuckle at those moments now.
Her death still defined him- it still defined how he lived his life and the choices he made, like he was running again. But it wasn’t negative anymore. Sunghoon was able to live on and he was able to do it contently. When asked if he was happy, he didn’t really know what to say. Or, to be precise, he never understood the question. Because during moments where he was watching some of his and Y/N’s favourite shows, when he was reading one of her favourite books, when he was working and designing buildings and houses that he knew were going to be used and when he found himself laughing in certain fleeting moments, he thought he was happy. There would be a spark, a heat, in his chest that came from the brief thawing of his heart.
But then, there were the nights Sunghoon would stare at one of herold pictures and feel his chest clench- like, physically feel his heart contract. There were the nights when he would look at himself in the mirror, old now with a slight stubble and a permanent weight in his brows, and wonder where his life was leading to, what he was planning on doing next. There were nights where he would come home to an empty house and realise that he was… empty. Truly, empty.
To his friends, Jake and Jay, he was hanging onto life. He was living his life, day by day, working and eating French food and going to operas and plays with his colleagues and drinking expensive French wine. And it wasn’t a bad life, not at all. Most people would dream to have his life. But Sunghoon dreamed of sharing this life with Y/N. Because, somehow, he knew she was the only person who could appreciate it like he did- he knew only she could brighten his days filled with wine and food and art.
He wouldn’t call himself suicidal, but Sunghoon had thought about it a few times- during lonely nights where the cold wrapped him and he wished it was water instead, or during days he had to cook meals for himself and he wished the knife was slicing through his wrists instead of fresh tomatoes. They were intrusive thoughts, really- thoughts that emerged when he was tired and exhausted. 
To save himself from his thoughts, Sunghoon adopted a bunny. A grey, fluffy thing that hopped around his apartment and followed his feet, batted her ears and nibbled on carrots when he gave them to her. She also liked napping near his jade vase that stood in his balcony- the one that Jay gifted them all those years ago- which now potted a mint tree instead of a lemon tree. She was quiet, gave him company and made him smile with how dumb she was sometimes- knocking over pencils, jumping on counters to reach him and wiggling her tail to get his attention. In many ways, the bunny reminded him of Y/N- that she was quiet but always around him, always filling his space when he didn’t know he needed it. 
Y/N did used to say she wanted a bunny- especially during the first few years of their marriage. She wanted all sorts of animals- cats, dogs, bunnies, hamsters, birds, fish. Sunghoon had always refused- not because he hated animals but because he feared he had no time to care for one. He’d already gotten a dog, one that eventually died due to cancer. So the next best thing was this bunny, who he named after Y/N’s favourite color- Red.
She used to say red was her favourite color because Sunghoon’s favourite sweater was red in color. And also because the train they had met in, the one in Europe, was also painted in red. She used to tell him that a lot- well, until her dementia kicked in and she forgot she even had a favourite color. 
It was Sunghoon and his pet bunny against the world. It was odd, telling his colleagues and friends that he adopted one- a man so old who should have been worried more about taxes and acquiring property was more concerned over pets. But Sunghoon didn’t mind it. He liked that a pet was all he had to worry about- a pet that reminded him of her. And he’d send folders and folders of pictures of Red to Jake and Jay and they’d always make fun of him, but eventually admitted that they loved the bunny too.
Jake and his family even took a trip to Paris once and the kids got to play with Red. They loved feeding her and by the time they left, Red was a bit chubby and overweight for her size. 
When Jay finally visited him in Paris, they had spent a weekend exploring parts of the town Sunghoon didn’t have the heart to go alone. He finally got to eat at restaurants and cafes that seemed too posh to dine alone in and he finally went to museums that were the hotspot for tourists. 
And sometimes, during times like this when he was reminded that he had a support system who were willing to travel across borders to come see him, he didn’t feel as lonely anymore. He didn’t feel the need to feel sad, to feed into his depressive cycle, to wonder what would happen next. Because Sunghoon had lived- he’d lived enough to make himself proud, to make Y/N proud. And he’d lived enough to honour his first marriage- the fact that he didn’t give up then. 
Sunghoon, until his last breath, lived for the girl who gave him a second chance, in remembrance of the girl who taught him how to hope again. Because it wasn’t the end of the world- not yet. And it wouldn’t be for a long time. And he realised that even though Y/N might have been the lightswitch, Sunghoon had been his own bulb the whole time.
END CREDITS
It was one of those slow, golden evenings in Shanghai, the kind that curled into your bones and made you believe that maybe- just maybe- life could stay gentle forever. The sky blushed a deep rose, and the warm autumn breeze carried the scent of sweet osmanthus from the trees below. On the balcony of their little third-floor apartment, Y/N and Sunghoon sat cross-legged, sharing ice cream mooncakes from an artisan cafe, laughing at each other’s messy eating habits.
Y/N had a smear of ice cream sauce on her cheek, and when Sunghoon pointed it out, she’d stuck her tongue out at him in defiance. He leaned over to kiss it away instead of wiping it, and she’d giggled like she was twenty and in love for the first time.
Inside, the record player spun something old and scratchy- an Ella Fitzgerald vinyl she insisted she didn’t buy just for the aesthetic. The music floated around them like a lullaby, soft and warm. They hummed along, pretending to know the lyrics, pretending the world wasn’t hurling toward something unknowable.
But outside, the real magic was happening.
It was the Mid-Autumn Festival. Lanterns, thousands of them, were drifting up into the night sky, glowing softly like heartbeats in the dark. From their rooftop, they had a perfect view. Lights rising like dreams, weightless, fearless. The entire city felt like it had collectively exhaled.
Y/N, eyes wide and glittering, rummaged under the deck chair and pulled out a little paper lantern of their own. It was handmade- clumsily folded, leaning slightly to the left, the soft red tissue already creased from too many attempts. She held it out to him with both hands like it was sacred.
“Write something,” she said, handing him a pen.
Sunghoon quirked an eyebrow. “What are we, teenagers?”
“Obviously,” she replied, grinning. “But it has to be a secret. Fold it up, tuck it inside the lantern, and then we’ll let it go.”
He hesitated- but the look in her eyes disarmed him. That look always did.
So they wrote.
Y/N sat quietly for a long time, chewing her lip, as if she were trying to write something that might change the trajectory of the universe. When she was done, she folded the paper twice, kissed it once, and slid it into the lantern.
Sunghoon finished his in half the time but held onto the paper longer, staring down at the ink as if the words might disappear if he blinked too long. Then he, too, folded it gently and tucked it inside.
They lit the flame together. And as the lantern began to rise, fragile and glowing, Y/N turned to him, her voice softer than the wind. “Let’s promise each other something.”
He looked at her, not the lantern. Always her.
“What?”
“Let’s promise to grow old together. Really old. Wrinkled and annoying. Still dancing in the kitchen at 80, still calling each other stupid names. I want to be the weird couple yelling at pigeons in the park. You and me, always.”
He chuckled, a sound from deep in his chest. “Okay,” he said quietly, hand finding hers. “Promise.”
She leaned into him, her head on his shoulder like she’d done a thousand times before. “Even if I forget everything one day,” she whispered, almost too softly, “promise you’ll remind me.”
His heart ached without knowing why. He tucked his fingers into her hair, breathed her in.
“Every day,” he murmured. “I’ll remind you every damn day.”
The lantern floated higher, a red star against the indigo sky.
Later- too much later- he would find the tiny notes tucked inside the lantern box. Burnt at the edges from the heat of the flame but still legible.
Y/N’s said: “I hope I never forget how it feels to love you. But if I do- please love me loud enough that I remember.”
Sunghoon’s said: “Please let this last forever. Let time be kind to us. Let her be happy.”
They stood on the balcony long after the lantern disappeared from view, hands entwined, the city alive around them. Time, for once, pausing just long enough to let them exist in peace. And in that single, suspended moment, it felt like nothing could ever touch them. That their love, reckless and tender, would outrun everything. 
Even memory. Even death.
286 notes · View notes
mingigoo · 2 years ago
Text
chocolate || Choi San (m.)
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❆ pairing ⇢ (fem) reader x brother’s best friend! Choi San
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❆ summary ⇢ you never got along with your brother’s best friend San, but you really never needed to. His pretty face and cocky attitude pissed you right off. But when he shows up on New Year’s Eve when you’re home alone, and a snowstorm forces you to stay together for the time being, you can’t help yourself from his enchanting charms—and sexy ass body.
❆ genre/au ⇢ smut, forced proximity, brothers best friend au, snowed in au
❆ warnings/tags ⇢ 18+ MINORS DNI, fingering, shower sex, oral sex (male receiving), slightly rough but really not too much, creampie, unprotected sex, the power goes out and they want to fuck each ther so bad I’m sorry
❆ word count ⇢ 5.2k
❆ taglist ⇢  @atinywhore @ch0isa99ie @jjhmk @yukine-smx @roe-sinning @meowmeowminnie @yeritheloml @y00nzin0 @yesv01 @halesandy @shegotboreddsoo @kangyeosangelic @gayliljoong @sanshineeeeee @kodzukein @baguette-atiny @seokwoosmole @nyeatinyjunkie @juliettechokilo @pockyddalgi @justaqueerbufoin @hwaightme @likexaxdaydream @ssaboala @gtr-skyline-lover @miriamxsworld @daegale @knucklesdeepmingi @naiify @yeoyeoland @arya9111 @mdibby @8tinytings @angelicyeo @wooyoungjpg @lonewolfjinji @asjkdk @charreddonuts @mangishii @yeoyeoland @pink-hwaberry @wooyoluvrr @maru-matt @pearltinyy @loveuwoo @m3chigo @northerngalxy @silverpixiedust23 (if I missed you please lmk!! bold = can’t tag)
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The snow crunched under your feet as you walked up to your parents' home.
Christmas had just passed—although both your mom and dad were out of the area, having the time of their lives in the warmth of another country. You envied them, but you were happy to be back in town after a rough breakup and a messy semester.
When you walked in the door with a bag of groceries and now covering your eyelashes, your little brother Wooyoung sat on the couch in the living room, star-shaped shades on his face and a shiny jacket over his bare chest.
“What….why are you dressed like that?” you inquired, shoving your snowy shoes off your feet.
He stared at you blankly. “Are you stupid?”
You scoffed, walking past him to put the bag of groceries away—groceries that were solely for baking cookies. A perfect way to spend the night.
He stood up and followed you in. “Y/n, it’s New Year's Eve. How else should I be dressed?”
You forgot about it. All of it. It already pained you that you were alone this new Year after spending four of them with the same man.
You shoved the bag of flour into the cabinet aggressively. “I don't know, not like a disco ball? That jacket is gonna get puked on and ruined.”
He looked over at you, noticing your distaste. “Are you…..is Soobin, you know, coming in for the holiday? He already missed Christmas.”
Soobin decided to dump you for reasons unknown. You believed it was because he was chasing his dream of becoming an idol, and he couldn't have a bunch of sexy baggage like you, so you let him lose you. 
But if that wasn't the case and he broke up for you for the hell of it, you would strangle that stupid hot boy and let him pay for his crime of losing the best he’s ever had.
Anyway…
“Oh, we broke up,” you shoved the stuff around in the cabinet, hoping to distract your brother from the horrible news. You didn't tell him the whole time you've been home. You've been avoiding it—it was already embarrassing to be dumped, more so around Christmas.
It did not, in fact, distract him.
“Holy fuck, really?” he leaned forward, intrigued. “Why? What did he do?”
“Oh, you know,” you bit the corner of your lip, trying not to look like you were lying straight through your teeth. “He’s chasing his dream. I broke up with him so he didn't have to struggle with the girlfriend baggage and all. He was so heartbroken….”
Woo blinked. 
“Oh, girl,” he offered a sincere smile. Well, as sincere as wooyoung could possibly get. “He dumped your ass, didn't he?”
You stared at him for a second. You couldn't get past him—he’s seen breakups way too many times with San by his side.
“Yep.”
You stood there in silence for a minute or two, trying your best not to reminisce on your relationship—even though you were over him. It wasn't even about Soobin; rather, it was the aching feeling of being someone’s number two. A career, an understandable priority, still felt like a slap in the face to you, as you were less important in his eyes. You can joke with yourself and others all you want—but you crave that feeling of being someone’s pride and joy. Someone’s only thought when the world is about to end.
“Welp,” Woo sighed, not knowing what to say. “I have to head out soon. I’m meeting up with San and Yeosang to head to the party.”
You sighed, leaning against the counter behind you. “Have fun.”
He pondered for a second, sticking his tongue into the inside of his cheek. “Wanna come with us?” he asked.
You shook your head, already not feeling like doing anything—especially anything involving…..San. “No, no, you go have fun,” you smiled at him as best as you could.
He nodded, but gave you a look of worry before he left the kitchen.
You followed him like a lost puppy as he tossed his shoes on in the doorway, struggling to bring his chucks over his heel—his frat shoes, as he likes to express. The shoes he doesn't mind puking on. You watched in enjoyment as he wrestled his shoes.
“I’ll be back later,” he ruffled your hair tenderly, but the grimace on his face felt like he wanted to tackle you—in a playful way, of course.
“Be safe—”
He shut the door with a smirk before you finished your sentence.
“A sudden storm will be rising upon us within the next hour or so, with wind gusts up to……”
You could hardly hear the TV from the kitchen as you blasted Christmas music, flour on every square inch of you. You were baking—your favorite hobby. It’s been a while since you were able to bake carefree, and now that you had an unlimited amount of free time, you were going to bake as much as you missed out on. 
As you shoved in another pan of cookies into the oven, you heard the door open and shut loudly, so loud that you were able to hear it over your music.
“Wooyoung, what the hell?” you grumbled, your back turned from the doorway as you fixed up the already baked cookies to cool. “Can you slam that shit any louder? And aren't you supposed to be at a party?”
Silence. No response. 
“I said, aren't you supposed to be—”
And when you turned around, it was most definitely not wooyoung in the kitchen doorway.
You dropped a cookie onto the floor. 
“Well,” San smirked, his grey hood covering his dark hair, his lips curled sexily, and his eyebrows raised. “Aren't you a beauty?”
You stood there in a flour-covered apron, flour-covered hair, face, and everything in between, looking at the man across the kitchen table.
“San,” you breathed, brushing your hands off on your apron and bending down quickly to pick up the dropped cookie. “What are you doing here? Wooyoung told me he was meeting up with you.”
“To see you, of course,” He purred, taking a step closer to you. He walked around the table to get to where you were standing, and not surprisingly, he lifted a finger to the corner of your lips and then continued to taste it on his own. 
You shivered in what you wished was disgust.
His eyes lit up as he tasted it, licking his lips. “Mmm. Chocolate?” he hummed, leaning against the counter next to you. He pulled down his hood to reveal his messy, silky black hair. “You've always been such a great baker.”
“You scoffed, turning back to the stove to check on your cooling cookies. “Why are you here?”
“You just asked me that.”
“Yeah, but you didn't answer correctly.”
“I’m here to see you, baby,” he leaned forward. 
You leaned back.
“Ha!” you laughed sarcastically, picking up your spatula to wield it like a weapon in his direction. When you met his gaze, you felt your stomach drop from his pretty smile and his sickening gaze. “Wooyoung isn't here, alright? So you better leave, or I will kick you out—”
“I’ll just wait here for him until he gets back.” San shrugged, stealing a cookie before running away from the kitchen.
You followed him into the living room, tracking your flouriness all over the place. “Can't you just go home? I don't understand why—”
He was standing in front of the TV as your voice trailed off. Apparently, there was a huge storm that no one saw coming. San watched intently as he snacked happily on the cookie as if finding out that there was a blizzard outside was the best news he’d ever heard.
“A blizzard?” you freaked out, running up to the screen right next to him. After watching for a few moments, you went to the window, looking out to see the roads completely covered and the wind blowing a dusting of white all over the place.
“Oh….I didn't see that coming,” San’s irritatingly attractive voice spoke from right behind you, and when you turned around, he stood with a sinister smile on his face.
“You should go, for real,” you sighed, looking up into his eyes before moving your gaze anxiously. “Before you can't.” 
He peered over your shoulder, letting out a puff of air. “I don't think I can drive back on the roads like this….” he sighed, tilting his head at you. “It's too dangerous.”
You blinked, trying your hardest not to cave into those lustrous cat-like eyes. He blinked at you now, his expression unreadable.
It's been ages since you saw this man—ages, and he still treats you as if you were best buddies all your life. In reality, you've never once liked the guy. His hair pissed you off, his crooked smile boiled your blood, and god, his ears? Why were they so cute? How can ears be cute? Don't get yourself started on his lips…..lips that you….may have kissed once or twice all those years ago.
He never talked about it, so you just ignored it.
And now that you were thinking about his lips, your eyes dropped down to them, and when you realized, you cleared your throat and brought your gaze back up to his eyes.
“If you stay, you have to act like you're not here,” you breathed, crossing your arms over your messy apron. He looked down—down at your cleavage and smirked. “Eyes up here, mister.”
He hesitated to move his gaze, and when he did, your stomach flipped once more—god, maybe you just needed to get laid. It's been ages since you had a good fuck….
No. what were you thinking? No. no, no. Stop it.
You took a second to gain your thoughts before speaking again. “Just… don't do anything until wooyoung gets here.”
He stood close to you, looking down with those seductive eyes, his smile blindingly attractive. He didn't even need to speak to make your knees weak—which was probably why you hated him so much.
He bent his head to get closer to you, that smile still on his face. 
“Can I speak, master?” he nearly moaned, biting the corner of his lip. “I feel like it would be unfortunate to remain silent during our….reuniting time.”
You let out a little chuckle. “What? Reuniting time?” you uncrossed your arms. “That's funny. We were never close enough to unite in the first place.”
“Oh, y/n,” he purred, reaching out to twirl a finger around your hair. You wanted to run away. Your mind told you to, but everything else craved him—as it always has. “I would say we united many times, haven't we?”
He looked like he wanted to grab you as tight as he could and swallow you whole—but the conflict in his eyes said no. you watched his eyes dance around you, how his hand froze mid-air within your hair, and his lips flat in a line.
And it took everything in you to move away from him. 
You took a step back, watching his eyes drop to your feet.
“You can stay,” you coughed, looking anywhere but him. “But don't…don’t bother me. Don't talk about….uniting, or reuniting, or whatever…..” you huffed, giving him one last look before running into the kitchen, only to find the cookies in the oven burnt to a crisp.
And once again, the cycle began. San’s enchantment was whirling around you, capturing everything in its wake. Your heart never belonged to you—no, it always belonged to him.
And he will make sure you will never forget it.
San sat at the table, watching you intently as you made another batch of cookie dough.
“How’s school?” he asked you, his voice soft.
You shrugged, stirring the dough with your bare hand, as there was no mixer. “It's fine, same same.”
He nodded, his chin held up by his palm. You continued to mix the dough.
“How’s what's his name? Soo—Soomin? Soojin? Soo–”
“Soobin?” you asked, trying not to smile at his obvious distaste.
He nodded, a frown on his lips.
You didn't get to respond as your phone interrupted the conversation.
“Ugh,” you huffed, holding your dough-covered hands in the air, unable to get your phone in your pocket. “Can you…can you get my phone for me?”
San stood up. “Where is it?” 
You pointed to your back pocket. “There, in my pocket.”
When he got next to you, he hesitated on reaching to get it, but when you gave him the death stare, his gentle hand glided down your back, down your ass, and to your pocket. You froze at his touch and nearly missed the phone call from your mess of emotions. 
He answered the call for you and held it up to your ear.
“Hello?”
“Oh, thank god,” wooyoung breathed. “Don't go anywhere, alright?”
You scoffed, looking down at your dough-covered hands and your filthy clothes. “Ah, I wouldn't worry about me going anywhere. I’m definitely not fit for an outing.”
Wooyoung didn't laugh like his normal self. “For real, don't go anywhere. I won't be home for a good while because of the storm, so make sure you stay safe and warm.”
“Awe, I didn't know you cared so much about me,” you cooed, but when you saw San’s little smile at your words, you immediately swallowed hard, lost in thoughts you shouldn't be having while you're on the phone.
“Anyway, just be safe,” Woo sighed, taking a breath in. “I’ll be living off this shitty-ass beer and stale cookies. These sons of bitches are so cheap I swear—”
Without warning, the lights flickered slightly.
And then they went completely off, leaving you and San with no lights, no power, no anything.
“What the fuck—”
“For fucks sake,” San hissed, catching him off guard. Wooyoung, however, perked up the minute he heard a man.
“Who’s there with you? I heard a voice?”
“Oh, it’s just San,” you mumbled, looking up at him, where his eyes even sparkled in the dark. You forgot your train of thought for a moment. “He came here looking for you.”
“Yeah, right. That dude’s been obsessed with seeing you ever since he knew you were coming home. What a little pussy. He had to make up a lie to come over? Pfft—”
“Ah, oh no, looks like we lost service too—you’re breaking up—” San coughed, and after a moment of time for wooyoung to react, he hit the end button, tossing your phone onto the counter with haste.
You gave him a funny look as he tried to ignore your gaze. The room was extremely dark—not a single light source other than the little bluish glow from your home screen on your phone. 
You had no idea what to say to him; he didn't know what to say, either. You just stood in the dark kitchen, the oven at a standstill, and so were your feelings. He was looking down at his feet, trying his hardest not to look at you—although it was too dark to see you, anyway.
“Guess I’m done baking,” you hummed, giving him a slight look of curiosity before you took the cookies out of the cold oven. 
“Yeah, that won't work now,” he muttered quietly, very much unlike his usual dickhead way of speaking. He swallowed hard, too close to you. 
You stood strong right in front of him, your body telling you to grab him by the neck and kiss those gorgeous lips of his. Maybe you were just that desperate to feel something after your breakup—or maybe you always wanted San—either way, you were so close to giving in to your desire, but you pushed yourself away and took off your apron slowly.
“You never….you never answered my question earlier.”
You set the apron down on the counter next to your phone. It shut off now, leaving you in complete darkness, with San only a shadow in front of you.
You frowned, but you couldn't see the look on his face in front of you. “What question?”
“About how Soobin is?”
You scoffed, trying your best to look up into San’s eyes. You saw them sparkle slightly, and you stared into them. “So you do know his name.”
“I really don't care what his name is, y/n,” he grumbled, taking a step closer to you.
You smiled, knowing by the tone of his voice that he was aggravated. “Well, if you must know, I really don't know how he is.”
San grew quiet, but you heard him take a breath in. “what do you mean?”
“We broke up, so I wouldn't know how he is, alright?” you hissed at him, but only to get a reaction out of him—god, you didn't know what you’d do if what wooyoung said was true—that if San came here to see you, that he was waiting to see you for ages, that he’s irritated over the fact you’ve had a boyfriend—all of it would send you into a spiral. You always told yourself you'd need to be completely wasted to even think of San in a new light….but here in the dark, with his hot breath caressing your cheeks, you were ready to say fuck it to your facade. 
He didn't say anything for a while. He just stood there, his one hand leaning against the table to hold himself up. 
“You…broke up with him?” he hummed quietly.
“Mhm,” you nodded, tilting your head up to try and meet his gaze.
He swallowed, nodding. “Mmm. I see,” he smiled—at least it looked like he did. “Nice.”
“Nice?” you furrowed your brows.
“Well, I mean, I never liked the guy, so—”
“Why?”
“I don't know—”
“Yes, you do know,” you took a step even closer, causing him to catch his breath. “What’s the reason?”
He sighed, his breath dancing across your skin. “Well, like, two years ago or so, when we were out at the bar,” San took a second to form what he wanted to say, and you stood and looked up at him without a blink. “He got you a drink with Malibu in it.”
You blinked, confused. “So? I don't even remember that San, I don't know why you're bringing that up—”
“Because you hate coconut, y/n,” he interrupted you, his tone of voice exasperated. “And you hate going to bars—they stress you out. You didn't even finish the drink before he got you another and didn't even care to know what you liked…so I didn't like him.”
You stood there, mouth slightly dropped after his words. 
That was enough of a confession for you. 
“So….you didn't like him because he got me a coconut drink or….” you reached out, your fingers delicately draping over his that were resting on the table. He jumped slightly at your touch as if he was never expecting it. “Or because you could do better than him?”
San remained still as you let your fingers glide up his arm, feeling the softness of his hoodie that you wished to take off.
“....I think you know why I didn't like him….” He breathed.
You leaned forward in the dark, your gaze piercing right into his. Your hand met the base of his neck, sending shivers down his spine from the coldness of them. He let out a sound of pleasure at your touch, your other hand meeting his waist.
You didn't say anything else. You just wanted to fall into him, even with the consequences; it didn't matter what would happen tomorrow. He was breathing shallowly, his lips parted, begging you to kiss them as if he was waiting forever. 
And as if they knew the timing, the lights flickered back on, revealing a lovestruck San—his eyes hazy with desire and his expression out of a book.
His fingertips found their home on the side of your cheek, holding your face gently, carefully, as if you were glass.
You were less than an inch away from his lips, but before you pressed them to his, you stepped back, knowing that you were a filthy mess—you didn't want him to spend this time with you while you were embarrassingly messy.
“I….” you paused, pulling away from his hold. “I…need to shower,” you mumbled, giving him a look.
He blinked slowly. “A…shower?” 
“Yeah.”
With one last look at him, you saw the hesitation in his eyes. You walked past him, brushing up against him before you walked up the steps.
And before you got to the bathroom at the end of the hall, you heard his clunky footsteps make their way up the creaky stairs.
“Wait, hold on,” he huffed, grabbing your wrist to turn you around. “What was that?”
You looked at him innocently. “What was what?”
He furrowed his brows. “You know, that.”
You shrugged, fighting the smile that begged to arise. “What?”
He groaned, dropping your hand in a fit. “You were going to kiss me.”
You tilted your head, playing with him. “Was I?”
“Were you not?”
“I don't know.”
“Yes, you do know! You were literally about to kiss me—”
“And what if I was?” you whispered, your eyes slanted with mischief. He looked at you, his own expression changing from confusion to….well, more confusion. 
He bit his bottom lip. 
“Am I supposed to follow you into the shower?”
You smiled, letting him decide what you wanted him to do.
With a curt turn, you opened the bathroom door, leaving it open a crack, inviting him in.
You took off your messy top, covered in flour. You waited patiently, taking off your bra and your pants, and all that was left was your panties before he entered abruptly. 
“Listen, you can't leave that door open and not expect me to—oh,” he paused, his breath shaky. 
You stood unmovingly, facing him.
And with a slight scoff, he ran towards you. 
“Fuck it,” he huffed, slamming his body into yours, swallowing you with his whole being.
His lips caressed yours, biting your tongue, shoving his own into your mouth. You took in a sharp breath as he sucked on your soul, his hand finding your breast to squeeze it tightly.
“God, I’ve been waiting to do that forever,” he groaned against your mouth, his other hand playing with the hem of your underwear. With one quick motion, he pulled them down, falling onto your ankles as you stepped out of them.
You smiled into his kiss, tearing away at his hoodie before he pulled it over his head, leaving him shirtless and full of glory. You parted away from his lips, kissing down his chest, over his mounds of muscle, until your knees hit the floor.
He froze under your touch, your fingertips gliding over his hard-on. You grinned devilishly up at him, his expression in a mess of excitement and nervousness. Him? Nervous? Impossible.
You pulled down his pants as swiftly as you could, causing him to hiss sharply. He was fully on display for you now, his cock pulsing and ready for you. You grazed your fingers from his base to his tip; then you took it in your mouth without a warning.
He grunted, immediately gripping the hair on top of your head, tossing his own back with aggression. His little moans were music to your ears; not once did you ever believe you'd hear them—he looked so fuckable. So desirable. He always did, which explains why he was your first-ever kiss, why you always thought back to him when you were with Soobin, why you couldn't avoid his charms even though you so desperately tried.
He moaned your name—said it with such haste as if he couldn't hold back. As if he’s wanted this for ages. He leaned into your mouth, moving his hips slightly to push himself in deeper. You let out a gag, causing him to moan once more, making you smile against his cock.
You moved back and forth on him, no hands in sight. You glanced up at him through your eyelashes as you pressed your lips at the base of his dick, watching his eyes close tight and his chest heave.
“God fuck,” he huffed, his fingers tying knots in your hair, causing tears to build up behind your eyes. You liked it—loved it—his touch was ecstasy.
Without a minute to waste, San pulled you upward and off of him, just for him to press his lips to yours, reaching backward to turn the knob on the hot water.
You giggled against his lips as he almost fell. He smiled back, teeth clashing into yours as he pressed his bare skin to yours. You both stepped into the shower, not even caring that the water wasn't warm enough yet. 
His tongue slid down your throat, caressing the roof of your mouth, exploring the uncharted territory. Water spilled over your heads, dripping down your faces, drenching your hair. His hand gripped the back of your head as he slammed you into the wall of the shower, causing you to gasp.
He pulled away for a second, his eyes heavy, his lips parted as water dripped down his beautiful face. He pressed his forehead against yours—feeling as though this scene was all he’d ever wanted; it was premeditated—not a quick decision.
He blinked away the water, smiling before enveloping you in another kiss—this time, it was less lustful and more desperate. He breathed into your soul, his hands cradling your face with all the tender care he could muster. His breaths were shaky, and his hold on you was tight, as if there was somehow, someway, you would break away from his embrace.
You bit into his lip, your hands never finding a home as they explored all the planes of his body. He grunted as you reached for his dick, his eyes glimmering at your expression. No words were needed—he gave you one last look before flipping you around, shoving your face into the fall, and sticking his dick into your entrance. His lips were nibbling at your ear, his hot breath delicately stroking your body and soul.
He didn't push past your entrance just yet—no, but his fingers did. They glided over your clit from the back, your breasts aching from being pressed against the tile. He let out a little hum of a moan into your ear as his fingers entered you, two of them. You whimpered in delight, the movements turning you on more and more. You felt yourself getting wetter and wetter, his fingers curling up inside you, his shallow breaths echoing in your mind. 
You couldn't take it anymore—you needed him inside you, now.
“I need you in me,” you moaned against the tile, tilting your head slightly to see his expression. “Now, please. God, please.”
He smirked, moving you now to the far wall, your back still to him. You nearly slammed your head into the wall as he moved you.
“As you wish,” he breathed, his voice dripping with lust, with love, with unknown feelings. With a quick movement, he shoved his dick inside you, causing you to arch your back from the fill. You cried out, holding onto the wall as he gripped your hips, moving rhythmically and melodicly. You furrowed your brows in pleasure, muttering his name. “Oh, San,” you moaned, causing him to move even faster.
The water crashed onto you, making you feel even higher than ever were before. The heat of it was scolding now, but nothing beat how hot San made you feel—he was indeed a genius in the manner of lovemaking, a god, at that. You knew why, everyone knew why, but you didn't care at the moment. The only thing you cared about was his body on yours, in yours, all around you.
You were reaching your high, your vision hazy. You let out a cry, a huff, something to show that you were enjoying him, and he made a sound, too.
As you reached your climax, you arched your back even more, shoving your face against the wall, your forehead thumping against it with every thrust of his. You came on his dick then, your body fighting the urge to shake from the feeling he supplied you. 
He felt it—you knew it, as he quickened his pace, his breaths becoming more uneven as the time went on, your body tightening around him. He hissed sharply, thrusting with grace until he emptied himself into you, coating you, becoming one within you.
He collapsed into you, against the wall, his dick slipping out from you. He huffed, catching his breath as the bathroom filled with steam and sweat. You turned around in his embrace, his head falling onto your shoulder with a thud.
And then he started to laugh.
A laugh so beautiful, so….raw. You began to laugh with him, smiling as you grabbed his cheeks to lift up his head—so he could see you. 
His eyes were red, but they sparkled with so much emotion that you wondered how he was feeling. 
“So,” you smiled, watching the water from the showerhead drip over his black hair. “Happy New Year, I guess?”
He smiled—a smile that made you want to stop everything.
And then his eyes widened. “What time is it?”
You frowned. “I don't know, my phone is downstairs,” you whispered, locking eyes with him.
He paused for a moment, not knowing what to do, or at least that’s what you believed until he leaned forward and brushed his lips to yours ever so gently.
A kiss for a lover. A kiss more meaningful than sex could offer.
He pulled away, but only slightly, as his forehead rested against yours. “Happy New Year,” he kissed you again. “Just in case it is midnight. You haven't been my New Year’s kiss since years ago, you know.”
You didn't know what to say—you weren't sure where he was going with this, as you had never brought up your kiss with him before. He spoke cautiously, yet without caution at all.
“I….well,” you swallowed hard, looking up at him shyly. “You can be my….new years kiss every year, if you’d like.”
He smiled—grinned like a wild animal at your words.
“Well, if you don't mind, I’d like to kiss you more than once a year.” he grabbed you by the waist swiftly, smirking,
You giggled like you were experiencing this for the first time. In all honesty, you may be. No one has ever made you feel this way. You never wanted anything more.
With a flirty smile, you leaned forward into his embrace, the shower hissing in the background of your confessions. 
“I would love that.” you nodded, looking up into his eyes. 
He looked like a dream, his hair wet, his eyes bright. You couldn't wait to share more New Year's kisses with him, more showers, more cookies. You wanted everything and more—even if you didn't exactly know it quite just yet.
He was your everything—Your heart never belonged to you—no, it always belonged to him. And you will never forget it.
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thebisexualmandalorian · 7 months ago
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Hey, I know a lot of people are in need right now, but if you have anything to spare, it would mean the world to me. I'm still going through the process to get disability, and it's a struggle.
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megumisluciouslashes · 5 days ago
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WILDFLOWERS a katsuki bakugou short series
warnings: part one of a short series, fluff, probably ooc kat but idrc, not proofread at all, tw theatre kid, little shop plug, i played crystal and i miss her sorry
one | two | three - mha m.list
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FOR AS LONG AS KATSUKI COULD REMEMBER,
he hated flowers.
he hated them ever since the first time he pushed izuku down into the dirt and he cried about crumbling the poor daisies underneath him.
even then, he thought they were stupid; after all, they’re pretty useless, aren’t they?
that was until he spotted your flower shop. as he stared at the large sign that read “Somewhere That’s Green: Floral Shop”, he realized that this was a new shop replacing his favorite spice store. he felt disgruntled; since when had “Spices Galore” gone out of business? and since when had a stupid flower shop replaced it? he continued to frustratedly stare at that stupid sign until a voice spoke up beside him.
“what, do you think the name’s stupid? or do you want to buy some flowers?”
he moved his glare to the side where you had snuck up.
he thought that he had never been more blessed to see someone as beautiful as you.
there you were, in all of your glory. you held a smile as your brow was raised in a silent question of why he was incessantly and angrily staring at your sign. you held a tub full of a certain type of white flower that he didn’t care to know the name of.
or he hadn’t cared to know before, but after looking at you, he found himself wanting to know.
for the first time in his life, he was speechless.
he would usually make a rude remark filled with curses, but he just couldn’t.
“…i-i would like to buy some flowers,” he said, finding himself stumbling over his words.
your blinding smile grew in delight.
“wonderful! then you came to the right place! follow me!”
he watches as you fumble with your keys to the shop.
“stupid keys, they all look the same!” you mutter under your breath. he let out a breath that sounded close to a laugh. you look up at him and smile.
“glad to know you’re finding my struggle funny,” you roll your eyes and giggle.
once you finally opened the door, you held the door open for him, before flipping the sign to say “Open! Come on in!”. he stood close to the front window and watched as you scrambled to get behind the counter and drop the tub of flowers. suddenly, his interest was piqued.
“what kind of flowers are those?”
“oh! those are gardenias! they stand for hope, purity, and trust! these are usually high in demand for wedding bouquets, so i decided to get a new shipment in!”
he quirked a brow, “flowers have meaning?”
you beam, “of course they do! just like certain colors have meaning!”
there was a silence where katsuki thought about the statement he just heard.
however, you broke this silence by asking, “alright, so what kind of flowers are you looking to buy?”
that question suddenly struck him; what kind of flowers was he looking to buy? he had said it in the heat of the moment, simply wanting to know why he felt so drawn to you but also wanting to hear more of your voice and wanting to see your face.
so, his voice tumbled out with an excuse, “uh, they’re for my ma.”
your face broke out into a smile, “hmm, what’s her favorite color?”
damn it. he also didn’t know her favorite color.
“uhh- pink?”
“ahh! that’s a great choice! why don’t you tell me about her.”
he went on and on as you start reaching for flowers left and right, going so fast he could barely keep up. he watched you delicately assemble each and every pink or purple flower before you asked, “would you like me to wrap it or would you like a vase?”
he blinked, “wrap it, p-please.”
he deadpanned at his stutters and pauses, not completely sure as to why it keeps happening.
“what do the flowers in the bouquet mean?” he found himself suddenly asking, looking as you started to wrap it.
“oh! well the light pink flower right here-” you point your pinky towards it, as to not mess up your handy work, “is a carnation! there are multiple varieties of colors i could’ve used, but the light pink ones stand for maternal love! that’s why i thought it was perfect that her favorite color was pink!” you giggled.
you tilt your head towards another, hands too occupied to point, “these are obviously pink roses, hehe. these are associated with admiration!”
you kept pointing to different ones, explaining each and every one with a chirp. katsuki watched and listened to every single word you said. he never usually found himself willing to listen to people talk for a long time (perks of growing up with izuku), but with you, it was so different. you knew what every flower stood for and explained each with serenity and a smile on your face. your words dripped with honey and your face was like sunshine.
he was captivated.
“alright, i’m all done!” you say as you finish the wrapping job up, “sorry for talking your ear off,” you scratch the back of your neck and avert your eyes.
“don’t apologize. it was interesting, i didn’t even know flowers had meaning,” he said genuinely.
your eyes snap to him and you beam with a flush, “oh! well i’m glad it was! most people don’t listen to me when i talk like that, so im glad you enjoyed it!” your smile further reached your eyes.
he smiled back before reaching for his wallet to pay. the bouquet itself wasn’t all too expensive, which he assumed was because of the fact that your shop was pretty new. so, to counter that, he gave a large tip.
your eyes blew wide when you counted the money, “uh, sir, this is more than what i asked for-”
“keep it. for teaching me something new” he interrupted with a small smile (a change from the scowl he held before entering your shop) before grabbing the bouquet and leaving.
you watched as he left and just stood there for a second.
you smiled as you realized that he was the first customer you ever had from this area. you had spent two weeks making your shop feel like home, getting the smell of spices out of the hardwood floor, and advertising everywhere.
you would never ask it from anyone, but you hoped he would tell more people about your shop. or come back to see you. you wouldn’t mind either option.
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© megumisluciouslashes | all rights reserved
author’s note:
i love a shameless musical theatre plug😛 anyways i want to write a fic about a baker!reader but i have no clue how to write it or who to write it for🫩 also REQUESTS ARE OPEN! please request literally anything if it’s dc, jjk, mha, aot, or sdv idrc😭
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