#but it's such a specific dynamic that i'm looking for that i've given up on reading bottom max fics...

[lmlknn]

I BEG OF YOU ENDO, CHIKA, AND SAKURA WITH A OMEGA THAT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE AN OMEGA (really big, plus sized, hairy) with smut

An Omega!?

Pairing: Alpha! Yamato Endo, Alpha! Takiishi Chika, Alpha! Haruka Sakura (separated) x Omega!Male! Reader

Advertencia: MDNI, todos los personajes son mayores de edad, obscenidades, malas palabras, sobreestimulación, sexo semipúblico, dacrifilia, degradación, se menciona que el lector tiene características específicas, Dub-con (en la parte de endo), la parte de Takiishi puede sonar un poco tóxica, supongo que eso es todo.

Summary: An omega who in fact does not have any of the typical characteristics of his caste, his dynamics with other characters is somewhat complicated for their friends.

I haven't read the manga, I've only seen the anime so the characters may have (specifically Endo and Chika) behaviors a little OOC, I'm based on what I understood about their personalities in wiki 😭

English is not my first language, excuse any spelling or grammatical errors

Yamato Endo

Endo was used to being humiliated; he did it for Takiishi, for the love he had for him. And then, you appeared.

You were almost the same height as him; if you were doing well, you took out about 5 centimeters more, but you were much more muscular.

He wouldn't say you make him nervous; in fact, Takiishi intimidates him more. But it was strange; your pheromones captivated him, they were not sweet, in fact it was rare that they were, because he could swear that you were an alpha.

With you he felt a little freer; he could talk to you about many things that interested him. You praised him, which was normal in his day to day, but when the compliments came from you, he felt different.

He didn't know at what point his attention stopped belonging to Takiishi and you appeared, stealing ninety percent of the space in his mind. It didn't matter what was going on; one way or another you managed to appear in it.

The way he discovered that you were an omega was not exactly the prettiest. It was not planned, in fact you never intended to tell him the truth, it was not that you wanted to lie to him or anything like that, but you were used to only being able to admire him from afar. Of course, being from Noroshi gave you certain privileges, but you still didn't feel close enough to Endo.

He came to your house by surprise after worrying too much because you hadn't shown up in two days. When he entered your apartment. The first thing he received was the smell of your crazy pheromones.

His heart shrank and he could feel his stomach falling. He was an alpha who didn’t have good control over his alpha; despite being known as a carefree person with a calm nature, when his wolf decided to make an appearance, he could not control him so easily.

When you saw him at the door of your room, you regretted having given him a key to your house. You were in heat; it is public knowledge that omegas suffer when they don’t have a partner with whom to spend this difficult season.

Endo saw you squirm in your bed, totally blushing, with natural lubricant dripping and naked.

He never imagined himself in this position; all the alphas had their respective cycles of heat, but seeing you left him speechless.

A small moan came out of your lips. "Alpha"

And his instincts came to light.

He pounced on you, his lips collided with yours, starting a fiery dance that drove you crazy. One of his hands went to the back of your neck and the other to your waist. Being careful not to place all its weight on you.

It didn't take long for him to start unbuttoning his belt so he could catch your wrists in it. His lips moved to your neck, with the sole intention of leaving marks.

His shirt left his body quickly, as did his pants. All Endo wanted was to fuck you.

He didn't care about the previous preparation, without giving you even a little warning; Endo put his member all the way down. Both let out deep moans. In some miraculous way, Endō had found your prostate in the first lunge. "Ah! There! It's there, alpha!" Your moans were the most beautiful melody Endo's ears had ever heard. So sweet, so perfect.

You both looked like wild animals; the bed grinded, the headboard hit the wall hard, your teeth left a mark on Endo's shoulder while he hid his face in the hollow of your neck.

His lips were right in your ear and with each growl they made, an electric current ran down your spine.

It didn't take long for you to reach your climax; Endo did it wonderfully. Your back arched, sweat ran through their bodies, the clash of skins created an exciting sound, added with their moans and grunts.

You felt that you were in a fantasy, product of the pain caused by being jealous alone. Endo attracted you, too much, but you knew he liked Takiishi. You didn't have a chance and you weren't willing to risk yourself and make a fool of yourself.

"Please, don't make this a dream." You whispered as the fluids flowed down your abdomen.

"Oh, love. This is far from being a dream.” Endo's provocative tone turned you on even more. His cock rammed you again; this was undoubtedly the best heat you had ever gone through.

Letting yourself be carried away by pleasure and your instincts, you let yourself be enveloped by what seemed to be an illusion, a delicious illusion.

Of course, what was the surprise you took the next morning when you had Yamato Endo himself wrapped in your arms with bite marks and scratches.

"My God..." The shock was too much, and your poor tired and stunned mind could only make you let go of those words.

Chika Takiishi

It was weird; you awakened emotions inside Takiishi that he had never felt before. For him, there were only two types of people: those who stand in his way and need to be eliminated and the people who will give him the things he wants.

But you... you were something he couldn't decipher, you were different in the whole extent of the word. When Endo brought you, he couldn't help but feel confused.

You were an alpha, that was clear to him just by smelling your pheromones, but even so he couldn't help but wonder, why were you so big? You easily took it twenty centimeters tall; with your figure you could easily hide it, you had muscles big enough to drown someone there.

If it wasn't so strong, Chika could swear that if you set your mind to it, you could bend it like a simple toothpick in half.

"He is (M/n), is very good at fighting." Endo took him out of his thoughts; he directed his cold orbs to the black-haired man.

Takiishi never thought he would get so close to you; it was a great surprise to discover that, in fact, you were an omega.

Of course it was strange for him that you disappeared for a week every two months, but he assumed that you had your own problems. He decided not to investigate further; the last thing he wanted was for someone to discover the affection he had begun to hold for you.

But your pheromones were strong, not the typical sweet smell that the other omegas had. Honestly, the news had surprised him, although he didn't complain; that you were an omega fit him like a ring on his finger, means that he could woo you without obstacles in between.

When he left Furin, he was a little surprised that you were in Noroshi (even when he couldn't help but feel a weight in his chest at the mere thought that you had decided to stay with Umemiya).

His approach happened suddenly, it doesn't have a beginning and won't have an end; your mentality and Takiishi's were similar, enough to attract the temperamental alpha even more.

And now, he had you in his bed, just as he wanted you.

Despite your large size, something Takiishi loved was the good flexibility you had; he could put you in all the positions he wanted. He could bend you and mistreat you, and you never complained.

He loved to bite your thighs, which were the softest thing in the universe, also penetrate you without rest, until you fainted, until he had stolen your last breath, until you had no more semen to take out, until your pretty little eyes had no more tears to shed, until your walls remembered every millimeter of his cock, until the footprint of his hands was marked in violet tones by the force with which he grabs you. He wants your whole body to scream that you are of his property, the smell of your mixed pheromones is not enough, nor the mark that unites you; he wants more, much more.

Your cock was in his fist, pumping again and again rudely; tears rolled down your blushing cheeks, it was an ethereal sight, small gasps escaped from your swollen and reddish lips.

"What would others think if they saw you like this? So submissive, my precious omega." Takiishi's eyes shone with adoration, like this, how could you didn’t feel on heaven?

"Looking like this, what would the rest of the idiots who idolize you think, seeing you bent so easily, begging to be touched?" The way he degraded you was addictive, it was a vicious circle that no one was willing to break.

His touch left your skin burning; you didn't know how many orgasms you had, but Takiishi had shown no signs of stopping soon. Your legs began to tremble; Takiishi's sadistic smile did not calm you down at all.

"Do you want me inside?" He loved to mock, to see your face distorted by pleasure, to give you so much that you would be stunned, too drunk to be able to think of anything other than him.

"Yes, yes, yes," your tearful voice made his cock shake, your hips swayed desperately. You knew that with tantrums you weren't going to get anything, but Takiishi made it so difficult for you.

Freeing your member from his torture, he lift and bend your legs to his liking, settling down to be able to penetrate you freely and comfortably.

Takiishi was not soft; you could count on the fingers of one hand the times you have had vanilla sex, although it's not like you were complaining.

His member made his way through your entrance; a choked moan left your lips. "Always so greedy, you love to be fucked until you get tired." "Gah!" Grabbing your hips, he began to push even harder. Your eyes rolled, his tip hit your prostate fucking well; you tried to close your legs impulsively, but Takiishi abandoned his previous grip to sink his hands into your thighs. "Are you going to cum again?" His mocking tone almost makes you let out little whimpers. "Please," you begged.

"Mmm, I don't know. You've already come many times, do you deserve another one?" You knew what it meant; Takiishi only had two options for you in terms of climax: you could cum as many times as you wanted or he would start taking you to heaven and stop at the right time.

"Please, Takiishi!" More tears came down, causing their thrusts to be faster. "For your size, you're very crybaby." Takiishi loved to make fun of you, he always loved to remind you how ironic your physique was.

"You can take it longer, right?" Poor you...

Haruka Sakura

Going out with Sakura wasn't easy. He was very shy, he didn't like to kiss or hug in public. You wouldn't be surprised if half of his friends didn't even know they were a couple.

It's not that you both kept your relationship a secret, but no one expected that the thermometer of walking affection that was Sakura and you were together.

Starting with personalities, both are very different: Sakura exalted himself easily, he couldn't stand teasing and, if he didn't like something, he complained at the first moment; you, on the other hand, were quieter, you didn't start conversations and much less claimed when something didn't suit you.

Even if Sakura didn’t say it, everyone knew that he preferred to be alone they had never seen him flirt with an omega, his pheromones were not so intense and he had never been attracted to someone.

You had only been seen surrounded by alphas and betas, and although once Nirei, Sakura and Suo saw you with a beta, you soon introduced her as your mother, who came to visit you from outside the neighborhood.

Probably, that was the only approach they had seen you have with a female besides Kotoha.

It's not that you didn't have suitors, when they did their guards, many girls, omegas and betas, approached you to ask for your number.

Sakura couldn't blame them; you were handsome, tall, muscular, you knew how to fight very well, you knew how to cook and you were attentive to your friends. In short, you would be a very good match.

It was a surprise when Umemiya said that you were going to miss the meetings for a whole week because you were sick.

The second and third years understood in an instant, but he didn't, and how was he going to know that you were an omega, if they never bothered to tell him directly.

He surprised himself, going to the store to buy you medicines and the odd sandwich to go to your apartment and give you the food he had previously bought in Pothos.

When he arrived at your house, he was stopped by Kaji, who with his typical frown sent him back to his house, after calling him an idiot for not understanding that Umemiya meant that you were in heat.

Clearly, Sakura turned totally red. He complained to Kaji claiming how difficult it was to say that you were in that season of the month, from the beginning, instead of giving that silly hint.

In addition, to ask him why he was there. "What do you mean, what am I doing here, idiot? Umemiya and I always bring clothes to (M/n) to make his nest." Kaji shouted back.

"What do you mean what nest!?" Sakura asked, getting even redder. "Oh! How stupid do you have to be not to know that omegas make a nest when they are in heat?" Kaji began to shake him by the shoulders, getting more angry with each passing second.

"How do you want me to know that he is an omega, if I could assure that he was an alpha!?" Sakura defended himself.

Kaji stopped his attack; Sakura was not the first person who confused your caste. "You're such an idiot." Without saying more, Kaji turned around and walked away from your house; Sakura didn't take long to follow in his footsteps, making sure to leave the shopping in a safe place.

"For God's sake, it means I have the opportunity to do it my omega." Sakura's thoughts made his blush intensely again.

The way he courted you was very subtle; in a few months both were a solid couple. It's not that they told anyone who crossed their path that they were now a couple. Their routines did not change; Sakura continued with Nirei and Suo while you stayed with Kaji, Enomoto and Kusumi.

You two didn't have dates, you didn't occupy your alpha's clothes, when it was your zeal you gave him your clothes to smell them and when your cycle ended you washed them so that no one suspected anything.

However, this was totally different. Tsubaki had invited all the kings, captains and sub-captains to a party in the red light district. The thing looked good. Everyone was having fun and, although some were reluctantly going, the atmosphere was pleasant.

A waiter brought drinks, claiming that they were complimentary. At the table where you were sitting he also had your respective trio of friends, in the company of Sakura's trio.

Everyone took a drink to the drink; surprisingly, it was not just any cocktail, but an aphrodisiac distinctive of the place where the party was held.

A blush adorned your cheeks, it was the first time you felt like this. Your legs closed with discomfort, your heart began to beat faster, you mentally thanked the idea of putting on a patch to hide your pheromones. You knew how dangerous the red light district was for omegas, no matter how big or how strong you were.

Your dilated pupils went to Sakura's two-colored orbs. They both knew what it meant and with a small nod, Sakura left the table, with the excuse of wanting to go to the bathroom.

After about three minutes, you told Kaji that you were going to go talk to the rest of the boys, getting away with it easily.

You weren't obvious but you didn't take so long either, the discomfort you had between your legs didn't allow you. You made sure you didn't have anyone's gaze on you, before you could go to the bathroom where Sakura was waiting.

It was not the first time you both had a sexual encounter, but it was the first time in a public place. While you were in the bathroom with bright eyes, the emotion of what you were going to do began to bubble in the pit of your stomach.

Aphrodisiacs were not good for omegas; they resembled the felling of heat, that's why you were so excited.

Sakura was leaning on the sink, moving his foot nervously, playing with his fingers. "Sorry for the delay, I didn't want us to be so obvious." You caught his attention subtly, your steps were slow, approaching shyly.

Sakura was the first to approach; his soft lips touched yours, starting the kiss with despair. His hand slipped into your pants, playing with the elastic of the boxers you were wearing.

With a slow back and forth, he began to stimulate you. Sighs of satisfaction left your lips in the middle of the intense kiss. Your hips followed his movements looking for more friction. Red monsoon invaded Sakura's face. If you look down to be able to see it, the mere sight made your orgasm reach.

"Ah" a soft moan from Sakura, he hit your lips and was also masturbating.

He stopped his movements on both members, when he also reached climax. The semen left an uncomfortable feeling of humidity. Your agitated breaths, blushing faces and crazy hearts, gave an atmosphere of intimacy.

"We must leave now, I don't want Suo or Nirei to come in and find us." Sakura took his hand out of your pants, turning around so he could wash his hands.

You agreed, you also washed your hands and let Sakura go out first, while your breathing was controlled.

[charlescoded]

max is stronger than i could ever pretend to be because how could anyone ignore charles when he’s so pretty & desperate ☹️

maybe im a bit too serious with this reply, but the one thing that often defines my preference for top (or dom, or alpha) max is that i think he'd like to take care of his partner. like his biggest turn on would be their pleasure. so when charles so obviously doesn't want to have sex with him, max is not really that interested, bc he'd want charles to want him. he might get turned on by charles' desperation, but unless charles is so desperate that he wants max to fuck him, he has no intention on doing anything.

[elkian]

So I never really questioned Kabru and Mithrun's dynamic given what's coming up, but that episode really emphasized some stuff to me. We know already that long-lived races, particularly elves, have a tendency to dismiss the other groups as being childlike. But the sheer infantilization that everyone, and specifically Kabru, have to deal with in that episode really hammers it home.

When Kabru mentions his adoption, pretty much all of the Canaries start immediately treating him like a toddler. And we know from flashbacks in the manga that he received pretty much the same treatment from his adopter - I wouldn't say he was quite treated like a favored pet, but it's much closer to that than any kind of healthy relationship dynamic.

So when Mithrun stands up, gets in his face, looks him eye-to-eye and says: "You're plotting something. I'm going to find out what.", that? That is the first time in this scene - maybe in his life - that an elf takes Kabru seriously. Mithrun has his own thing going on, but regardless of his reasoning, he addresses Kabru as a person and an adult. As someone with complex motivations who could potentially trip him up. I don't doubt Kabru has in the past used that infantilization to his advantage, but it's blatantly obvious that he doesn't enjoy it. Who would? So Mithrun starting their relationship by treating Kabru as a peer explains a lot about their dynamic down the line, in my opinion.

Kabru doesn't have to prove his humanity, his personhood, his adulthood to this man, one of a group infamous for how they treat younger species. It must feel like one hell of a paradigm shift.

EDIT: I've seen it pointed out on this post and others that Kabru also shows Mithrun understanding and decency and sees him in a way that others haven't been and I think that's a very important parallel and good point.

[directdogman]

A few words about the upcoming Olandy route!

First of all, want to quickly apologize for the relative quietness on my part as of late. I'm still in the middle of an international move right now and I'm officially on the final bureaucratic stage before I can physically pack up and complete the move. I've gotten quotes from moving companies, found a good service for Salvage's transport (which was a challenge in of itself) and now I'm just waiting for the final legal paperwork to process. Combined with my recent stint in hospital (my heart did something zany) and preparing for an upcoming merch campaign whose launch month was decided at the start of the year, you may see why I'm behind my own schedule. I can however confirm that work is still on-going... just slower than I'd like. However, I've taken this partial hiatus in production to think over the route and make sure it'll be as conceptually solid as I can make it.

One concern I'd like to address because I've seen it mentioned a few times is the fear that the route may veer into fan service territory in terms of characterization/scene content and I'm hoping I can put those fans at ease. I understand these concerns. The very concept of an Olandy route does seem kind of rife for this sort of thing. The thing is though, the idea for an Olandy route was a cut concept from DT's basegame, when I thinking of ways to double up characters in order to have more three-way dialogue scenes.

Obviously, given that a whole route was cut from the game, this idea ended up in the same nether-sphere as the other potential route ideas, like the Fusco route. But, this was an idea that I considered long before the Olandy ship gained popularity and that's why I was eager to tease the idea after release. I get many requests for routes with characters like Harry, Peter, which would undeniably sell well, but that I'd really have to headscratch to think of a way to make work. My point is, I'm only interested in ideas that I'm confident in.

Would Randy and Oliver completely work as partners? There's points for and against it. Do they have a strong/unique dynamic? Definitely. Randy is someone who looks to others for comfort/confidence and he's not good at dealing with things alone or without guidance. Oliver is confident in himself and very much a pack animal, who loves receiving validation/affection and feeling useful. This roughly explains why they veer towards each other even without considering stuff like romantic/behavioural compatibility.

As for the route itself, my main goal with their dynamic is to give an honest exploration of each character and to show a side of each not seen in their route, while also staying consistent to who they both are. It's important to note that this isn't just a Randy-Oliver route, but very much a Randy-Oliver-Gingi route. You shouldn't worry that the route will be sappier or more romantically heavy than the other routes as I'm actually including an option to play the route completely platonically and both options won't be too dissimilar outside of certain dialogue lines from both characters.

The key thing here is that I'm writing the route just like any other DT route and my main focus is having fun scenes where the characters talk about themselves in order to compare and contrast the differences/similarities between each character within the trio. There are scenes where Oliver is serious and confides in Gingi. There are scenes where we see Randy's insecurity/cowardice paint him in a bad light.

The DLC will also not replace either of their routes, and will instead aim to emphasis traits + backstory each character has that's kind of implied subtly in each of their routes, but not specifically outlined, to give you a more well-rounded view of each character. So, my goal is certainly not to flanderize, but quite the opposite. I want to give a deeper view on each character that's consistent with previous characterization, by further explaining why each character is the way they are and providing more context to stuff mentioned in Randy/Oliver's main routes. Oh, and advancing Gingi's character further, akin to in Roger's route.

(And before you ask, yes, I do have a similar plan for Karen later on, but I have a very specific idea of where it makes sense to put it as it's a much more involved project than a simple DLC. It will definitely take longer to pull off. But, her day will come.)

So, yeah! Obviously Roger's route took care to display the datables in their cameos with the nuance they have in the basegame. From Randy's impurity (willingness to be part of a con), Oliver potentially freaking Gingi out and being unsure of himself upon meeting it, Karen cracking a spontaneous joke (and it not landing), etc. It's important to me that I don't flanderize these characters or reduce them to their outermost traits.

I'm still not 100% confident in the route draft, but that's a given. I never am. But, I can say, I'm really excited for people to see the character stuff I have in mind for Randy, Oliver + Gingi, particularly what's revealed about both in the heart to heart in the good ending. You have a rough idea of what to expect from the route as per previous routes and while this one won't be nearly as large as Roger's route, I still wanna make it the best experience it can be for you all. Thank you! :)

[whore-ibly-hot]

'Photo Shoot'

Yan!Photography Student x GN!reader x Yan!Art instructor (Joseph and Mr. Burton)

18+ Minors DNI

Warnings: All characters are legal age, multiple yanderes, dub-con touching, perverted thoughts, voyeurism, student/teacher dynamics, nude photography, no real mention of specific genitals

AN: I'm so eepy right now... Also, if you like this fic, use the tags on my masterlist to find all the other Yan!Boarding School writings.

The smoke coming from the corner of the room ceases when Mr. Burton snuffs a cigarette butt out on an... ashtray? From where you're sat, you can see him putting it out on what looks more like a student pottery bowl. That strikes you as odd, but he can be very critical of others art so you can't be suprised. Cracking his knuckles and leaning back a little, he turns to you and the extremely quiet classmate beside you, Joseph.

"Alright, lets get this show on the road, yeah? Joseph, you're our camera man, I'll have you leading this thing, running the camera's and I'll give some creative direction. Student and the master, I can finally teach some actual fucking art." Mr. Burton mumbles, as Joseph quickly begins setting up the camera on a tri-pod. You feel odd about him to say the least, despite you being the 'muse', as Mr. Burrton calls you, Joseph's barely made eye contact with you. You agreed right off the bat when Mr. Burton asked you to help one of his favorite students with some anatomy shoots, you like Mr. Burton, he's funny, honest, and that's refreshing, given you worry some people at this academy have ulterior motives. Still, you had some concerns as you fiddle with the thin top you wore at Mr. Burton's request. "Mr. Burton?" you ask, and he looks up from where he's mumbling about something with Joseph. He motions for the young man to keep working as he strolls over.

"I'm nervous." You admit, hand rubbing at your elbow as an attempt to self-soothe. "I don't usually get, nude, on camera, and i-it's not that I don't trust you, sir, but-" He puts his hand up to cut you off, gently rubbing your shoulder. "Woah, woah. I get it, I get it." He assures you, tone comforting. "You're my student, and you've got great, great potential. I've been on the art scene, kid, I see the burnout path some people go down, I see the ways people exploit and get exploited. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you. If you get uncomfortable, I'll pull you out. And trust me, being in the nude for art starts to feel perfectly normal after a while, okay?" He pauses, then sighs. "Okay, it's comfortable except for being cold as hell." He laughs.

You chuckle in return, but there's still a bit of worry. He can tell, and leans in. "What is it that worries you, exactly? If it's insecurity, trust me, the real artists are those marketing execs who can photoshop a skinny model and make change up the whole idea of beau-"

"It's not that sir, I promise. I'm just worried about other people seeing, you know? I'm worried about it getting spread around, or people getting bad ideas about me." You admit, face a little pale. Mr. Burton's brows furrow, and he slaps his hand down on his jeans. "Joseph, come here!" He yells.

Joseph jumps, hands shaking as he almost knocks over his tripod. "But- uh, the cameras-" He squeaks out, and Mr. Burton shakes his head. "You're one of the best photographers I've ever met, Joseph, I know damn well that cameras been set up for well over ten minutes already. Come here, don't be shy, don't be weird. You're freaking out the subject." At the idea him staying away is freaking you out just as much as him coming up to you, Joseph walks over. "H-hi." he greets, holding out his hand. You shake it, and it is particularly sweaty.

"Joseph is a great photographer, my best student and possibly one of the best I've ever seen. I assure you, he's a good kid. He's dedicated to his craft, this isn't a complex scheme for him to fence some nudes of you to the highest bidder." The young man's eyes widen exponentially as Mr. Burton makes his assertion, and instinctually puts his hands up in surrender. "No, no! I would never, ever. Do I- do I come off as that kind of creep, if I do I'm sorry."

"No, it's not that at all, I just struggle with, well, some issues like that." Joseph visibly frowns, and Mr. Burtons hand tenses from it's spot on the table.

"You are pretty creepy, Joseph." Mr. Burton admits, making the boy flush as the teacher playfully pushes his head. "This'll be good, good art pushes outside of comfort zones, yeah? Let's get all set up." He claps his hands together as he goes to stand behinf the camera with Joseph. You strip, and sit awkwardly before the camera in front of a messy brick wall with various stains and prints on it from Mr. Burton's studio. Mr. Burtons licks his lips subconsciously as he looks over your meek form, the clears his throat. "Okay, first position, mermaid pose. Lets get those legs to the side."

The shoot continues on for a while, until Mr. Burton suggests a more 'raw' shoot. That's how you find yourself posing, hands over your chest area and thighs ever so slightly parted while Mr. Burton sits behind you, also nude. You worried about it being inappropriate, mostly for his sake. "Couldn't this... I mean, I'm willing to do it if you think it'll be good art, but won't you get in trouble if people find out?" You ask, turning over your shoulder a bit. He scoffs again, and shakes his head. "No self-respecting person with credentials like mine would teach these silver spoon brats art, I'm all they've got." He assures you, going to move an arm around your waist from behind.

"What composition do you want, sir?" Joseph asks, face red as he uses every ounce of will-power to try and suppress an erection at the sight of you and the older man. He'll worry about the new and conflicting feelings later. He's got enough photos to die happy, but the fact you seem so willing fills him with a delusional sense of your interest in him.

"It's your shoot, Joseph. Take over directing." Mr. Burton calls back, and Joseph doesn't seem sure. "I don't know, sir, you have more of a vision than me, and-" Mr. Burton groans, rolling his head back like a kid throwing a tantrum. "Jesus christ, kid. How many times do I have to hammer in that you're a good artist? You can direct your own shoots-" He notices the violently red flush of Josephs cheeks, and chuckles. "Or is this more an issue of being to embarrassed, because I told you-" He waves his free arm around. "We are pushing the envelope, making something raw, pushing ourselves out of comfort zones. To be a great artist, you have to not be afraid to tell your NUDE SUBJECT, to spread their legs and bare it all." Joseph is completely silent, stun-locked by his gruff teachers comments. He begins examining the shot in the view-finder after taking a few shaky breathes.

"Alright, Sir... of course." He swallows, and his shaky hands adjust the lens. "I want to-to try and delineate from what other people think nude shoots are, away from like... porn and stuff. Raw, but intimate, I think." Mr. Burton nods for him to continue, and seeing the interest in your eyes at his creative direction, Joseph gets a little more confident. "If you're okay with it-" He addresses you now. "I'd like Mr. Burton to be able to touch you, nothing too invasive, just a kiss on the neck or the shoulder, maybe letting him hold your thigh?" Joseph keeps his tone soft and asking, sure to imply you can say no.

"That's alright, I trust him." You mumble, looking at the gruff art instructor and seeing to your surprise a soft look on his face. "I'm honored, little muse." He teases, and the nickname makes you flush. "Oh, and you too, Joseph, we've not talked much, um, but you seem really dedicated, I'm sure I'm in good hands."

Shit. Well, so much for keeping his dick down, but at least he doesn't think you can see from the way the lighting is set up. He nods, and you shiver, feeling a cold pair of lips and a thin stubble scratch at the surface of your shoulder. "Are they cold?" Mr. Burton chuckles, placing a few more small kisses as you hear the camera shutter snap. "I'm sorry, I can't control the thermostat in here, all this money and they can't afford to make sure I don't freeze my dick off doing my job." He's always so grumpy, even when he's trying to be sweet. You close your eyes and try to relax into the feeling. It escalates occasionally, hands on your thighs as he kneads gently at your flesh, occasionally making a complaint about something or picking at Joseph, who keeps making an odd series of grunts, but you assume he's just breathing heavy from being so focused.

It culminates in you being positioned over him, as if playing the playful or dominate role in some sort of erotic moment. Mr. Burtons hands rest on your ass, his firm yet not fully erect cock a little too close to your hole. You're chest to chest with him, and while he's relishing in the feeling, Joseph makes a hand motion, and he knows its time to pull away, at least for this ession. He's smart, knows not to rush it, and he knows this is more than enough material for the vouyeristic camerman.

"I think we got some good shots, i-it's getting late. I'll go grab something from the vending machine while you too warm up." Joseph scarmbles away, camera bag held oddly across his crotch area. Mr. Burton smiles as you slide off from him, flushed as the weight of your previous position hits you. "You were great, a real professional." He urges, scooting forward to sit beside you.

"Thank you, sir. I was trying not to get too flushed or anything, I hope I didn't sweat too much." You admit, and he shakes his head to assure you. "Nah, you did fine, but if I could make a suggestion?" You look up. "No real intimate scene like that doesn't have a couple kissing. On your neck and shoulders was fine, but lets face it, people do more than neck each other when they're getting it on like that." He glances at the door, making sure Joseph is still doing whatever it is he's doing out there. He didn't discuss this part with the young artist, but let's face it, learning to be one step ahead, to protect your work and your muse, is something he's gonna have to learn anyways. "Will you let me show you?" he asks, voice low as he leans closer to your face.

You glance at the camera. "It's not running, though shouldn't we wait for joseph to take the photo?" You ask, a little more unsure about the artistic integrity of the action. He shakes his head as he lets his stubble scratch your cheek. "This'll be practice, yeah? For next time..."

"Next time?"

"Next time." He mumbles, lips feverishly sealing against your as he hunces over your form, cold bodies pressing together and leaving goosebumps which trail down your form as the session closes out.

[blueraith]

It's wild to me just how badly Vi's arc is misunderstood in S2. The claims I've seen that it was bad because she didn't join up with Ekko to help liberate Zaun or didn't "have enough stuff to do."

Big 'ole S1 Vi analysis under the cut because some "hot" takes seem to forget that Vi's S1 arc even exists.

Like, sorry, but that was never the direction her character was going to go. This was spelled out for us in the very first episode of the show when Vander is giving her that lecture.

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish."

"Whatever happens, it's on you."

This is the first conversation in the show that carries an impactful character building statement. We are effectively being given the start of Vi's character arc verbatim.

She is not allowed to be selfish.

And as S1 Act 1 progresses, and Vi expresses a will to fight, to rebel, to revolt, she is constantly and consistently shut down and discouraged from that way of thinking by her father figure. She's fifteen years old or so, Vander is the only authority figure in her life that she respects. Why wouldn’t she internalize any of this as is, let alone after all the tragedy she's forced to endure at the end of this act?

Then we get to tragedy. Vander tells her two very specific things before and after the showdown with Silco.

"Take care of the family."

"Take care of Powder."

You know. Not, "hey, take over my mantle as Hound of the Underground."

Or "lead Zaun to freedom" or whatever the fuck.

He tells her to look after their family. The people closest to Vi.

And I don't know how many of you are older siblings. Or even older sisters. But I question if some of Vi's most heated critics are either neither of those things or lack any knowledge of sibling dynamics, period. When you are handed this tiny baby from a young age and are told "this is your baby sibling, you have to help take care of them, we won't always be here but they'll always have you" by your parents, that shit sticks with you forever. For better or worse.

If you're parentified on top of that through either circumstance or abuse, then that sentiment turns toxic. Vander, as well-meaning as he is in his talks with Vi, inadvertently presents a pretty black and white viewpoint. When paired with Vi's reaction to his (first) death and learning what Powder did, it becomes even worse.

Think about it. Most people seem to focus solely on Vi's anger issues when she strikes Powder for obvious reasons. But there's this selfishness that Vi temporarily succumbs to when she hits Powder as well. She's not thinking of Powder's emotional state or devastation as she realizes what she's done, Vi is mired in her own grief and anger.

She then walks away from Powder to take a moment to herself and presumably recollect her own composure, also a selfish move.

Now, when I call these actions selfish, I'm not assigning any negative connotations to them. Selfishness is not always a bad thing, putting yourself and your own needs first does not make someone a bad person by default. It can be healthy to take some time for self-care.

The "issue" is that Arcane is a tragedy. The narrative punishes Vi for lashing out and temporarily leaving Powder by having Marcus kidnap her and Silco adopt her sister. Not that Vi even knows that much when it happens. For all she knew, Silco murdered Powder.

So, then Vi spends something like seven years in Stillwater in constant limbo wondering if Powder is even alive. The sheer guilt she must have felt at "failing" to protect her baby sister would have likely been agonizing.

Seven.

Years.

Then she gets out. And all Vi cares about is finding her sister. She doesn't care about the Hexgem besides the fact that it's directly related to Jinx, and Caitlyn lied to her by ommission about it.

She's not trying to retake the Lanes in Vander's name. She only cares about bringing Silco's empire down because of what he did to her family. She wants her sister back first and foremost, she does not care to stick with the Firelights and even leaves Ekko and Cailtyn on the bridge initially to go after Jinx.

It's really her burgeoning feelings for Caitlyn that ever cracks this near obsessive compulsion to chase after her sister. Vi was going to choose Jinx until the point Caitlyn was injured and then the both of them were shot at by Jinx.

Even the moment she falls in love with Caitlyn is tied to her guilt about leaving Powder. The story she tells while they're on Caitlyn’s bed, her obvious grief and guilt over her sister. She's mired in this moment of pain until Caitlyn reaches out to comfort her. Like, Jinx and Caitlyn have always been intertwined in Vi's arc after she meets Caitlyn. There is no overarching thread to connect Vi to any of the political plot points in this story.

Vi's arc is character driven. Always has been. She's motivated by her warring desire to protect those she loves with EVERYTHING she has, and this by now guilty pleasure to finally develop something purely for herself.

It's why she pushes Caitlyn away during the infamous Oil and Water breakup. The class differences she's citing are an excuse, an easy thing she can point at to push Caitlyn away. What's really going on is that she failed to get the Council to decisively act against Silco. She's failed Jinx again in her own mind, he's still out there poisoning her mind, and now she needs to take care of him herself. Caitlyn proved to be a distraction from her goal, and so must be removed.

Even after teaming up with Jayce and then going her own way, Vi does not go after more shimmer factories. She's not rallying the Lanes to revolt with Hextech weaponry in (on) hand. She immediately goes to the Last Drop to challenge Sevika, someone she hates specifically because she'd betrayed Vander. She had every intention to confront Silco right after that.

Then we get the tea party, and Vi has to come to terms with the fact that the sister she loved is fundamentally changed in more ways than one. She's given an ultimatum to choose between her self-imposed duty as an older sister and Caitlyn. The only relationship Vi has ever formed purely for herself.

And she can't do it. It's an impossible choice. Jinx ends up triggered intensely, Caitlyn is struck by indecision and doesn't take the shot because of Vi's pleas, and Jinx goes on to fire that rocket.

Like this is just Season. One. Every single important character moment Vi has is tied to either Jinx, Caitlyn, or both. This is not a new thing S2 did with Vi's character. Her arc was always about how much she was giving to other characters without much thought to herself.

I just don't get how some people expected that to radically change in S2. It was never going to happen. I'll probably make an analysis on S2 Vi as well, but this is already getting very long. It's also a good way to remind some folks that each season of this show does not exist in a vacuum. I've read a lot of takes that seem to just... ignore S1. It's pretty bizarre.

[trans-axolotl]

content note: this post talks about eugenics, incarceration and institutionalization, and violent ableism

tangent from that post because i didn't want to start writing an essay on someone else's post and this is about a conversation i had irl this month, not intended as a reply to that post. but i actually feel very complicated about the idea of whether or not we should be pushing for more "accessibility" in jails and prisons and psych wards and institutions. i put that word in quotes because i don't think there is ever a way that being incarcerated is actually accessible to our bodies and minds; it is a disabling experience on so many levels. i'm not going to list out all the reasons why on this post; i've made so many posts talking explicitly about the harms of institutionalization before and i don't want to do that again right now. Talila Lewis has given several interviews about ableism, incarceration, and disability that are really worth reading and go more in depth into what that violence looks like. Liat Ben Moshe has also given another interview about disability and incarceration that goes over many of the same topics. given that these places are intense sites of violence towards disabled people, it feels difficult for me to claim that they could ever truly be accessible in any meaningful sense of the word.

what's also true right now is that institutions and prisons are incredibly inaccessible for physically disabled people in particular. i've been arrested with a wheelchair, i've been institutionalized with a feeding tube on top of that as well, i've been held on medical floors for psych treatment before, and i know very well exactly how bad it is. i've watched myself and so many other physically disabled people almost die in these places because of sheer neglect. i have physically disabled neighbors who were killed in these places. it is so dangerous for physically disabled people who are locked up in these places, yet at the same time, often psych wards are so inaccessible that physically disabled people just can't even be admitted because wards refuse to take people with mobility aids, medical devices, specific types of medication or care needs, if you have some kinds of terminal illness, and on and on and on.

what's also true is that when these places are so inaccessible that many physically disabled people are excluded and unable to even access them in the first place, it doesn't mean that we then somehow access other types of care instead. it just means that we're also discarded and left to die. this also is a really similar dynamic for a ton of other marginalized groups that get excluded from psych care--many of my comrades who are people of color have also experienced this same type of denial of care. initially i think that can seem like a confusing contradiction--how is it that psych wards are locking up some people up against their will but refusing to take in other people? but when you start thinking about the underlying logic at the core of these systems, it makes sense.

psych wards operate under this idea that madness must be cured by any means possible, up to and including eradication. institutions are a way of disappearing madness from the world--hiding us away so that we don't disturb a sane society, and not letting us free again until we either die in there or are able to appear like we've sufficiently eradicated madness from our mind. preventing physically disabled people from accessing inpatient treatment is operating under the same assumptions--except that this particularly violent convergence of ableism is happy to just let us die, both because it eradicates madness from the world and because they view our lives as unworthy of living in the first place. eugenics is still alive and well in the united states and it's still fucking killing us; both inside institutions and outside of them.

i would never tell someone that they're privileged for getting institutionalized--i think that would be a cruel thing to say to someone who has just survived a lot of violent ableism. and at the same time, our current systems of mental health care are set up in a way where not being able to access inpatient care can be a deadly logistical nightmare. there are some partial hospitalization programs that have such a long waiting list that you can only really get in if you just got an urgent referral because you're getting discharged from inpatient care--how the fuck are physically disabled people supposed to access those programs? if you need meal support for your eating disorder 6 times a day and the only places that offer that are residential treatment in a house with stairs, what the fuck are you supposed to do? if noncarceral outpatient forms of treatment like therapy, support groups, PHP programs, peer support funding, etc etc etc are often prioritizing people who have recently been discharged from inpatient care, how are you supposed to access any type of mental health care at all? (to be clear i know that not all forms of outpatient care operate in this way, but a lot of state run/low cost programs that accept Medicaid/Medicare operate in that way, and i've seen it cause enough barriers that i know this is a very real problem.)

so when i think about what it would take to actually ensure that physically disabled people can access mental healthcare, there's a lot that comes up for me. on one hand, so much of my work is about tearing down institutions and ensuring that no one is forced into these places to face that type of violence. on the other hand, so many physically disabled people need care right now, and we have to figure out some way of making that happen given the current systems we have in place. i will never be okay with just discarding physically disabled people as collateral damage, and any world that we're building needs to be one that embraces disability from the beginning.

i keep thinking about the concept of non-reformist reforms that gets talked about a lot in the prison abolition movement. the idea behind non-reformist reforms is that usually, reforms work to reinforce the status quo. they're usually talked about in liberal language of "improvement" and "human rights", but when it comes down to it, they're still giving more power to harmful institutions and reinforcing state power. an example of a reformist reform is building a new jail that is bigger and has "nicer" services. or when the cops in my city tried to get funding for more wheelchair accessible cop vans. these are reformist reforms because when it comes down to it, it's still giving more money and legitimacy to the prison system and increasing the capacity to keep people locked up--even when people talk about it using language about welfare for prisoners, that's not actually what's happening. having more wheelchair accessible cop vans would be dangerous for the disabled people in my city--it's helped us out a LOT that it's so difficult for the cops to arrest multiple wheelchair users at once.

non-reformist reforms are the opposite of that--they're reforms that work to dismantle systems, redistribute power, and set the stage for more even more dramatic transformations. They're sort of an answer to the question of "what do we do right now if we can't go out and burn down all the prisons overnight?" Examples of a nonreformist reform are defunding prisons, getting rid of paid administrative leave for cops, shutting down old prisons and not building new ones, etc. they're steps we can take right now that don't fully abolish prisons, but still work to dismantle them, rather than making it easier for the system to keep going.

so, when we apply this to the psych system, what are some nonreformist reforms that could help make sure that all disabled people are having their needs met right now? Some ideas I'm having include fixing the problem of PHP/outpatient care requiring referrals from inpatient, increasing the amount of Medicaid/Medicare funding for outpatient mental health care, building physically accessible peer respites that allow caregivers to stay with you if needed, increasing SSI/SSDI to an actually liveable rate, creating more disability specific mental health resources, support groups, care webs, and a million other things we'd probably need to actually get our needs met. non-reformist reforms for people in psych wards right now might look like ensuring everyone has 24/7 access to phones and internet, ensuring that disabled people have access to mobility aids in these spaces, making sure that there's accessible nutrition for people with dietary restrictions and/or feeding tubes, and more.

when i see people saying that we need to ensure that psych wards or prisons are made accessible it makes me feel nervous. i worry that the changes required to do that wouldn't actually provide care to disabled people, i worry it would just make it easier for increasing numbers of disabled people to get locked up and harmed all while people claimed it was a success story of "inclusion." i worry that it would just continue to cement carceral treatment as the only option for existing as a disabled person, and that it would make it harder for us to live in our communities, with the services and adaptations we need. when i think about abolition, i'm always thinking about what can we do right now, what do disabled people who are incarcerated and institutionalized need right now, what can we do right now to ensure that everyone is surviving and getting their needs met. i'm not willing to ignore or discard my incarcerated disabled comrades in the moment because of my dreams for an abolitionist future, i'm always going to support our organizing in these places as we try to survive them.

overall i guess what i'm saying is that i think making inpatient psych care accessible would require dismantling and fundamentally destroying the whole system. I can't imagine a way of doing that within the current system that wouldn't just continue to harm disabled people. and that as a psych abolitionist i think that means we have a responsibility to each other right now to fight for that, to understand that physically disabled people not being able to access mental health care is an incredibly urgent need. I refuse to treat my MadDisabled comrades as disposable: our lives are valuable and worth fighting for.

i'm also going to link to the HEARD organization on this post. They're one of the few abolitionist organizations that does direct advocacy and support for deaf and disabled people in prisons. if you or one of your disabled community members ever gets incarcerated in jail/prison, they have a lot of resources. donate to support their work if you can.

[murderbot-moodboard]

I've made good progress on moving out of my apartment, but my body is currently hating me for it, so I'm awake and you're getting some more thoughts about episode 6.

Something I noticed about episode 6 was how relatable all the characters felt to me throughout the episode. (Even LeeBeeBee's motives were understandable on some level, even if I disagreed with them and wouldn't make the same choices right now, who knows if I would make some of the same choices if I'd lived her life.) I don't think they were necessarily more relatable than in previous episodes, but rather that I noticed because the situations they were dealing with were extreme, and they were all having understandable human reactions to them. The way Mensah acted while performing surgery on Murderbot, steeling herself to do something hard and unpleasant by muttering and vocalizing and wincing the whole time, is exactly how I (and I think many or most people) deal with that type of task. (You know, the type you can't totally dissociate from by thinking about Star Trek characters, or partially dissociate from by pretending you're a Starfleet officer gathering samples of alien plants on a planet. Something many or most people would also do, of course.)

And the way the rest of Preservation Aux reacted to LeeBeeBee's sudden violent death was also relatable. I've never been in a situation quite like that, thankfully, but if I were, I think there's an equal chance I could have any of their responses to it. I just think it really speaks to the good writing, acting, and directing that all of the humans felt realistically human, not like they were reacting a certain way just because it was convenient for the plot.

I also think it's interesting how this episode means that in this alternate universe, it's no longer true that Ratthi has never seen Murderbot kill anyone up close (and Murderbot wants to keep it that way). I wonder if the writers thought about that specifically when writing this part, because Ratthi's extreme gut reaction (pun intended) to violence feels completely believable for his character. This change also introduces an interesting dynamic to Ratthi's relationship to Murderbot that we didn't see in the books as such, so I'm really looking forward to finding out how Ratthi reacts to Murderbot after this and whether he still wants to try to understand Murderbot (as he mistakenly thought he understood it before).

The episode really walked an interesting and difficult tonal line, balancing both the comedy and the horror. To me, when Gurathin said, "Now that she no longer has a head!" it struck me as the punch line to an awful dark joke that I wanted to laugh at, but I felt a touch of guilt for considering laughing about it. That sort of describes the whole mood of that part of the episode, and a little bit of the earlier parts as well. We're given insight into one of Murderbot's favorite Sanctuary Moon episodes, which has a ridiculously implausible plot which is simultaneously sad, and yet it's the episode Murderbot finds soothing. There's a discordant disconnect between the values it's learned as property in the Corporation Rim and the values Preservation Aux hold without always understanding why anyone would think differently. Murderbot itself is a contradiction—a killing machine who wants to protect its clients, and a person who denies its need for or interest in connection while still demonstrating how much it actually cares. The jarring aspects of the episode feel appropriate for the way they show cognitive dissonance forming in all the main cast: cognitive dissonance that threatens their ability to trust each other (and for Murderbot to trust itself).

So, basically, I think this episode was supposed to feel like a wakeup call, reminding both Preservation Aux and us the viewers who Murderbot actually is. How everything plays out now will depend a lot on the leadership of Mensah, and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next.

[thewalrusespublicist]

Hello! Love your blog and your takes, objective and sane and well researched chefs kiss! I had a blast scrolling through it like it was my feed yesterday lol can you elaborate on klaus and Paul if possible? People mostly talk about them like it’s already understood but I don’t understand 😭 I’m kinda lost on their (all of them, including stu) dynamic during the hamburg years specifically when it comes to Paul

Aww thank you anon! Tbh I was starting to feel a bit down about my blog and what I was putting out ( the eternal crisis on how to give full answers and opinions without being stupid, boring and annoying lol). So I really, really needed this. :)

Oh Paul vs/and the Exsis, it's quite a long one so buckle up.

Disclaimer: all of the people involved are essentially art kids/young adults who are famously the most exhausting people on the planet. Do not blame them for being dramatic, it's their natural state of being.

If we want to go into Paul and Klaus, we have to kind of start with the John, Paul and Stu. Now these three are a mess that's too big to go into here (though I have THOUGHTS about how Stu is utilised in the Beatles narrative that I'm more than happy to share if asked lmaooo). But in short(ish):

John and Paul had had an intense year and a bit of closeness. Then John meets Stu at art college.

John and Stu become c l o s e for many reasons (being peers, living together, similar artistic leanings + ego, Stu being a gentle guide to John, sharing art projects/poetry/long letters and feelings etc.) They became 'closer than two men' a friend had seen (remind us of anyone gang?). Most importantly, John could be open about his feelings with Stu in letters. If John had BPD which I subscribe too, I think Stu was his 'favourite person' and as Aunt Mimi said his 'special' and 'closest friend' from this period up until his death (though imho the transference back to Paul was starting prior to his death).

It's not clear what exactly happens as there's differing accounts but Stu uses his money to buy a new bass as John wants him to come to Scotland then Hamburg and play bass as he will 'look good'.

Paul doesen't like being relegated to the seat behind John and Stu when he used to sit next to John. He also isn't thrilled when he gets to Hamburg and not only does he get to sleep in the other room with just Pete but Stu cannot be arsed to play because he's hanging out with his hot new girlfriend Astrid (more on her in a sec). Our boy has spent a lot of money he doesen't have and given up on further education to be here and is jealous and annoyed.

Paul and Stu probably were friends and I think their mutual antipathy is overegged. HOWEVER, can't be denied that Paul is jealous of Stu and Stu is jealous of Paul (and getting flare-ups from increasing brain damage). John and Stu tease Paul and steal his money, Paul is mean to Stu (as are the others encouraged by John). Do I think John was playing games with both of them? Yup. They end up scuffling onstage because Paul said something about Astrid (not clear what, one account is that Paul said that Stu could borrow money off Astrid if he needed it which isn't really that bad a dig but who knows Yoko??).

Why is this dynamic important? Because it directly impacts the 'Exsis' (Klaus, Jurgen and Astrid's) group's relationship with Paul:

The Exsis were young artists living in Hamburg. They were artistic, cool, interesting and edgy. They were paramount in introducing the Beatles to cool new concepts, aesthetics and ideas. They also took themselves VERY seriously ie pretentious as all hell.

Astrid met Stu at Kaiserkeller and hit it off. They embarked on an all-consuming romance.

Letter from Stu to Astrid, c.1961

I've seen people say they were the proto-John and Yoko in terms of making their romance the whole world and influencing John years down the line and I can see that. With Astrid and Stu it's far more endearing though because they ARE young and the right age to have a relationship like that. Stu is popular with the Exsis in general and brings them into the Beatles group.

The Exsis didn't like or trust Paul. Astrid said later it was because Paul was 'too nice' which she herself admits is a ridiculous reason. The others also thought he was a bit of a show-off. It makes sense though if you're cool and edgy and want to stick it to the world to be sus about a guy being friendly show-off with seemingly no inner world. The other problem was a perfectly reasonable one imo, you're not going to like your friends frenemy who you don't connect with. Compound that with Paul not taking drugs as much as George or John and being in the other room and you begin to have a division.

Paul had been popular his whole life, like from what we know since-primary-school-popular. He had never been in this position before, let alone in a foreign country. I believe it became a bit of a brutal feedback loop. Paul's response to this type of behaviour consistently it to go more surface level, snide and passive aggressive. The natural response of any group with a designated 'ugh' person is to become more shady and exclusionary. The cycle continues and gets worse. Stu letters back home at this time says that in a shocking turn of events Paul is hated by everyone but Stu 'just feels sorry for him' (lmao OF COURSE you do Stu, its giving 'loathing' from Wicked lol). Klaus drew a lot of artwork of the early Hamburg Beatles that includes this highly unpleasant picture of Paul in 1961 which I think says a lot:

Klaus is also a musician and fancies himself a place on bass. When Stu leaves to pursue art, Klaus asks John if he could take over but John says that he thinks Paul is going to do it.

Klaus has later gone on to say that he thinks he was a better bass player for the Beatles' sound at the start and then Paul developed into being better for the group. It's one of those I cannot believe those words actually left your mouth and you are not deeply embarrased moments. But it's important to keep this desire and viewpoint in mind.

Klaus stays in touch with all of them and close to John and George, George especially. They visit Klaus on holiday in tenerife in early 60s and Klaus later draws the Revolver artwork.

This whole context of how they met and Hamburg is crucial and has to be taken into account when hearing Klaus' statements. Klaus and Paul started off with a lack of connection and with Paul on the outs, the Exsis got an incomplete view of Paul and an inaccurate snapshot of the Beatles dynamic overall. This is why when Klaus says 'Paul was always slightly apart from the others' and that 'divorce was inevitable' from early 60s we should remember that that is what Klaus is expecting to see as that's what he saw in Hamburg.

Klaus wanted to be the bass player (and was holding out hope to join a band with George and John in the 70s), was really close with George and suffers as many did with 'John Lennon aspiring boy bestie syndrome' (JABBS). Paul had what Klaus wanted and from the Hamburg experience, you could see why Klaus thought he might have an in and may have been jealous of this 'shallow' Paul of all people having the connection that he felt he should/could have with John and George. As with most sufferers of JABBS, he took John's side with everything, always refused to say any regrets about his involvement in How do you Sleep and thought Paul was fine with the song because 'he was even closer to John than [he] was. (Again Klaus to put yourself in that level of closeness with John that it's comparable to Paul is ???.) JABBS and its secondary condition PMIETGSH (Paul McCartney isn't even that good shut up) are virulent diseases that incapacitate sufferers objectivity and judgement, so it's fair to say that Klaus is a source you have to take with a pinch of salt on the early 70s period.

It seems that Klaus and Paul did get on a lot better the older they got (probably without the jealousy complication of George and John) and developed a sweet friendship. Here is Klaus' tribute to Paul for his 80th:

Here is the jam session he's talking about:

He now wants Paul to live in his house lmao so things have gotten warmer. But Klaus and Paul's dynamic is a great example of how and why natural bias, little jealousies and spats can consciously or subconsciously influence our internal narrative and why we need to be so careful about not taking one perspective as gospel.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi! last anon here again. i won't go over all your advice here, and there's some i disagree with, but i have found it helpful and insightful as a whole, so thank you. i don't know if you actually wanted clarification on these things, but i figured it would be worth providing in case you genuinely wanted it.

straps as female disidentification - i do see it as different from other sex aids; it's partially about not imposing man/woman sex dynamics on sex between women, and also that as part of recovering from trans identity i've been encouraged to disengage with any practices, thoughts, or self-beliefs that represent false consciousness/male identification, and that includes a desire to have a penis/penetrate women/take the male role, and replace that with meditation and mindfulness. unfortunately i suck at meditation so i haven't gotten anywhere. i see it more as a behavioural problem than an object problem; it's unhealthy because it's a maladaptive coping mechanism about reality; i don't have a penis and can never have one and pretending i do during intimacy is hurting a theoretical sex partner.

female infantilization - this is about the bush thing; attraction to shaved vulvas is dysfunctional and unnatural.

being put off women's bodies - again this is a dysphoria thing mostly. i like how pretty much all women's bodies look, particularly femmes, and before radfem stuff i mostly just felt horny seeing nude women, but being in an environment that's very focused on the importance of reproductive organs and secondary sex characteristics to female identity has involuntarily caused me to fixate on this; when i see a woman naked i end up thinking about her uterus and the size of her breasts and her hips in relation to passing; i know that things like testosterone/hysterectomies/double masectomies/binding are really unhealthy for you physically and psychologically now, so seeing a woman's body makes me uncomfortable now because i just feel a kind of despair that if she has big breasts or big hips she'll never be able to pass for male without hurting herself and if she has small breasts or hips she got lucky with natural androgyny and she's wasting it, either way neither her or me have any way out of this and we're female forever. which is not very arousing.

once again, thank you for your advice. it's definitely given me a lot to think about (and read). i appreciate you hearing me out.

I'm actually stoked for a response, because these clarifications are very illuminating and genuinely so saddening to read.

that entire paragraph about disavowing the strap is genuinely tragic to me, as an advocate that people should just fuck however they want to fuck. you'd think if womanhood was such an innate and unchangeable thing then a fake dong wouldn't have the power to somehow impose manhood in a relationship between women, but I guess the strap is more powerful than I realized. I would love to know if this applies to fingering, given that you can't really argue that fingers are specific to any gender, or women who use straps to peg their male partners.

being told to meditate instead of want to fuck women is so funny, it's really giving 15th century nunnery.

you may not have been born with a penis but it is just literally a factual reality that you could have on if you wanted; regardless of what radfems think of it, phalloplasty is a very real surgery that can in fact produce a sexually functional penis that many people are extremely satisfied with.

okay sure super normal to fixate on someone's uterus.

I do actually very seriously need to correct this part: testosterone/hysterectomies/double mastectomies/binding are not unhealthy. they're healthcare, and the people who benefit from them - which, reminder, is not only trans people - tend to experience tremendous boosts to their physical and mental health because of it. there's nothing radical at all about opposing people's rights to determine what they do with their own bodies, and between that and the hyperfixation on reproductive organs you sound /this/ close to explaining why women shouldn't be allowed to get abortions.

in the politest way possible if looking at women makes you sad because it reminds you of your own dysphoria, you need to get out of radfem spaces and start hanging with some trans people who can help you figure some stuff out and help you envision a future where you don't fear your own body and sexuality.

[zaahvi]

dirthamen and ghilan'nain's intertwined history — a theory

edit: if you read this, please check out the post-veilguard update i gave here!

the relationship between dirthamen and ghilan'nain within the lore has always been unclear but incredibly fascinating to me, and after these past few months of being haunted by it i think i've finally figured it out!

in this *very* long post i'll be breaking down their connections and piecing together theories to make sense of their dynamic and history, investigating the more puzzling elements of dirthamen's lore, and exploring how this all ties into the evanuris' eventual betrayal of mythal. i've kept this theory free of veilguard spoilers so everyone is able to read it!

—————

the connections

the reason why dirthamen and ghilan'nain's dynamic is often overlooked is because most of the ties they have to each other can be easily missed or are sometimes misinterpreted. there is only ONE codex entry that explicitly mentions them together, and while that is already widely discussed, there are many smaller connections between them. so here is everything i've found!

the bear mural:

this mural in dai shows a white antlered figure embracing a green bear. to me, it looks like the bear is being protective of the figure (judging by the fact that they are reaching up to it). the art style looks elven and it's used in a few locations, such as the skyhold barn...

...aaand at calenhad's foothold in the hinterlands:

and well well well, that's dirthamen's statue seated just above it...

so this mural seems to depict dirthamen as the bear and ghilan'nain as the antlered figure, specifically how the dalish may depict them in their legends:

dirthamen's sacred animal was the bear (x), (source is a dalish elf, this info is not found anywhere in elvhen lore)

ghilan'nain had "snowy white hair" and became the first halla (x), (source is a dalish elf, this info is not found anywhere in elvhen lore)

it should be said, the amount of actual elvhen lore we have is very limited, so these could in fact be true and not just misinterpreted by the dalish. though they've been twisted, dalish legends came from somewhere, and especially in ghil's example it makes complete sense to portray her as a woman with antlers and white hair when her sacred animal has antlers and white fur. and while dirthamen is mentioned only with corvids in ancient elvhen lore, they are mentioned as seperate entities than him, so the bear could in fact be the representation of himself. in any case, i'm proceeding with the assumption that this mural is indeed supposed to portray them.

so, as the figure is reaching out to the bear herself, i'm ruling out any possibility of the bear being hostile towards her. it looks like the bear is protecting her, from what? or who? above them is the moon, perhaps it's an indication that mythal is watching, and/or that the bear is protecting or hiding the antlered lady away from her?

———

mosaics in the lost temple of dirthamen:

the design of dirthamen's temple is really fascinating. there's elven imagery scattered all throughout, but mosaics of himself are completely missing. there are, however, mosaics of two other elven gods...

there are five green mosaics of falon'din... and two red ones of ghilan'nain. next to one of ghil's there is also this:

falon'din being there makes sense given that he and dirthamen were "twin souls", which we're not entirely sure what that meant, but either way they had some sort of deep bond. ghilan'nain, however... and this specific mural... less so. this art in particular really reminds me of this description of the bas-reliefs from the horror of hormak:

"The halla were different, wrong. They had too many horns, for one, and a harder, more rounded look than normal. A look that was almost insectile. And the horns themselves were longer and ridged. Organic, somehow."

so, why would dirthamen have put her mosaics in his temple? clearly they had some sort of connection, close enough that he decided to honour her within his own place of worship. you don't just put some other god in your temple for no reason, you know?

on why dirthamen's mosaics are missing:

my best guess is that they were defaced/taken down afterwards, either by his own priests or by invaders. the codex entry for the lost temple mentions madness caused by the secrets they held...

"We will not have it, will not have it! The secrets are madness in our ears, but they are ours The Highest One cannot take them from us. Only Dirthamen, our Keeper, only he And if he does not take the secrets They are ours forever."

...and unless dismembering your high priest was a holy tradition to dirthamen then yeah, it doesn't seem like they were entirely sane. for whatever reason, in their madness, they could have torn down the mosaics.

though invaders seem more likely here, simply because they would have just... done a better job defacing mosaics if they truly wanted to. and to remove only dirthamen's mosaics, and not falon'din's or ghilan'nain's.

"They will come for us in the night Those who could steal the words from our lips And our god no longer rises to our defense."

this part of the codex implies that there were attacks on the temple by those who would steal the priests' secrets, and that dirthamen would defend them against these invaders. when he was locked away, he couldn't defend them anymore, and so these attackers could have easily gotten in. interesting... breaking in and removing his mosaics but not falon'din or ghilan'nain's would indicate a hostility towards dirthamen himself, but not the other gods...

———

the sinner:

by now we've all seen this widely discussed codex entry:

"His crime is high treason. He took on a form reserved for the gods and their chosen, and dared to fly in the shape of the divine. The sinner belongs to Dirthamen; he claims he took wings at the urging of Ghilan'nain, and begs protection from Mythal. She does not show him favor, and will let Elgar'nan judge him." For one moment there is an image of a shifting, shadowy mass with blazing eyes, whose form may be one or many. Then it fades.

so apparently "taking the shape of the divine" was a crime bad enough that it counts as high treason and mythal referred judgment to elgar'nan for it, which is REAL bad. this sinner claims ghilan'nain urged him to do it, but why? one would assume the sinner didn't survive elgar'nan's judgment, and if you really wanted someone dead there would be easier ways to kill them... so to me this reads as an attempt to sow discord, either between dirthamen's worshippers or to paint them as troublesome and dirthamen himself as irresponsible in the eyes of the other evanuris? at least that's my takeaway here.

———

the next few are going to be smaller hints that basically rely on subtler location design and stuff like that. i could just be picking at nothing but it's worth mentioning either way!

ghilan'nain's grove and the crow fens:

there are two inaccesible areas in the exalted plains for which you need to complete war table missions to access: ghilan'nain's grove, and citadelle du corbeau. ghil's grove specifically leads you to two other areas: the dead hand, and the crow fens.

the crow fens are interesting because of dirthamen's connection to crows and/or ravens, as written in his dalish legend and by two of the runes from his quest:

"The revealed symbols show what appears to be Dirthamen, the elven god of secrets, on the back of a large crow."

"The revealed symbols show two ravens. One grips a heart in its talons, the other a mirror."

seems like the ravens are fear (heart) and deceit (mirror) while the crow is... idk, just some Big Bird he has. i guess.

so a location named after one of dirthamen's favourite animals right next to ghilan'nain's grove — and let's also go back to that other unlockable area, citadelle du corbeau:

there he is again! the structure is elven, maybe the citadelle was once a place of worship dedicated to him? it's interesting that it's in such close proximity to ghilan'nain's grove, and what's also interesting is the massive statue of fen'harel watching over the entire area:

finally, the description of the quest Rifts in the Fens, which covers the fade rifts in the general ghilan'nain's grove area, says this...

"Active Fade rifts has been spotted in Montevelan Village, Dirthamen's Grove, and the Crow Fens."

seems like it was mistakenly left in, but it definitely implies that ghilan'nain's grove was originally named dirthamen's grove. alright...

———

elven pantheon codex entry placements:

also a smaller one that may mean nothing, but anyway. each of the elven god codexes are scattered through the exalted plains, with four of them being located in the ghilan'nain's grove/crow fens region. these are:

Dirthamen: Keeper of Secrets & Falon'din: Friend of the Dead, the Guide — both found within the dead hand puzzle area

Andruil: Goddess of the Hunt & Ghilan'nain: Mother of the Halla — both found within the crow fens area, on halla statues standing opposite each other

these two pairings found in the same zone is really interesting, especially that dirthamen's is in an area closer to ghilan'nain's grove and ghil's is in the crow fens. :)

———

mosaic placements in the temple of mythal:

most of the elven god codexes in the temple of mythal are scattered about, with the exception of three who are bunched up in the same room together:

elgar'nan, dirthamen, and ghilan'nain.... interesting bunch to put together considering there are no documented interactions between them so far, save for the sinner codex (and ghil & elg now i guess....) in addition, there's also two golden owl (usually representing falon'din) statues flanking dirthamen and a mosaic of fen'harel to the left of elgar'nan, but those don't grant any additional codex entries.

the reason i find these placements interesting is because of the placements of the falon'din and andruil murals in the temple. they're both on either side of the door to the inner sanctum and both of their codex entries mention mythal fighting them. it just seems very deliberate to me, so maybe this is too.

———

the varterral:

i've seen a few theories about the varterral being one of the creatures that ghilan'nain created - valid, by the way, since it does look like a mix of creatures and something she may create. however...

"...On the fourth day, Dirthamen heard them. He whispered into the mountains and the fallen trees of the forest gathered, shaping an immense and agile spider-like beast. It was the varterral. With lightning speed, vicious strikes, and venomous spit, it drove back the serpent. From then on, it was the guardian of the city and its people." — Codex entry: Varterral

here dirthamen is credited with the creation of the varterral. but it's worth noting that, 1. this is a dalish tale so it may have happened differently, and 2. it's not stated that he created the first varterral or anything, just that he made one. regardless, he made a creature, and an awfully ghil-flavoured one at that.

—————

theories on dirthamen & ghilan'nain's relationship

so what we know now is that they're placed next to each other a lot, there's a mural of them embracing, ghilan'nain was clearly important enough to dirthamen for him to put her mosiacs in his temple, and she may have turned against him later.

firstly, an idea: in ancient elvhenan, a lot of the population were enslaved to the evanuris, whether directly or indirectly through a noble that served them. we don't know if the nobles, or any of the chosen, also had vallaslin like the slaves did. but consider that ghilan'nain was once a normal elf; she became an evanuris later. so the two possibilities here are: 1. she was one of these nobles or chosen, or 2. she was a slave. either way the question remains: which god does someone who makes monsters serve?

the most likely suspects:

andruil: in dalish lore ghil is often mentioned as andruil's favourite, her beloved, a huntress who served her, etc. in the elvhen story of her ascension, it is andruil who approaches her with the offer of godhood. it's possible ghil was making monsters for andruil to hunt (she is specifically mentioned in the story as hunting them,) or perhaps andruil simply intervened when the monsters were getting out of hand first, and their relationship came later?

dirthamen: ghil was a scientist... she made monsters yes, but she conducted experiments and collected research (remember the taken shape?) — she gathered knowledge. that seems just like the kind of thing dirthamen would encourage and value: maybe that's why her mosaic is in his temple, and that's what the bear mural means — he was like a patron to her, she reached to him for assistance, and he granted it?

as for the servant/slave question, i personally think she was not a slave, just based on all she was able to do (she had free rein of all those thaigs, seemingly got subjects delivered to her, had that massive gemstone wall — basically, it's clear her experiments were funded) although i do think it would be super badass if she was a slave beforehand, as well as kinda tragic. like... she broke free of her bindings and became a goddess, but eventually turned into those who once oppressed her... sigh anyway

onto some ideas/possibilities:

ghil served andruil, and made monsters for her to hunt. the connection to dirthamen isn't clear.

ghil served dirthamen freely, and he supported her research. after she ascended, she turned on him for unknown reasons. her relationship with andruil began after ascension.

ghil served dirthamen, and he supported her research, but she did technically "belong" to him. after she ascended, she turned on him, perhaps as revenge? her relationship with andruil began after ascension.

ghil wasn't aligned with any god, and could have just been a noble with her own funds. she could have interacted with and formed relationships with multiple gods, as she wasn't bound to a single one.

i personally think number 2 is the most probable here. going from dirthamen -> andruil rather than andruil -> dirthamen makes more sense, considering that the ghilandruil mural from the missing was clearly drawn after ghil's ascension (since she has her headpiece) and also, from what we've seen of ghil so far, she seems very proud of her creations. why would she want them hunted? again, the bargain she made was to destroy her creations in exchange for godhood. it was a sacrifice.

finally, considering her resources it makes more sense for ghil to have been a servant rather than a slave. what remains now is the question: why would she have turned on dirthamen?

a reason for betrayal

between the missing mosaics in his temple, ghil convincing his followers to commit crimes, and the stabbed fade statue, you can probably tell by now that something's different about dirthamen. remember the fen'harel statue looking over the citadel? there are more potential connections to solas if you look close enough:

fen'harel statues in the lost temple:

dirthamen's mosaics in the elven mountain ruins (note: these are the only evanuris mosaics in the entire area, not counting the forgotten sanctuary):

mosaics in the forgotten sanctuary (on each wall: dirthamen - mythal - fen'harel - falon'din - dirthamen)

symbol of the two ravens in the forgotten sanctuary armoury

so what does this all mean? well u/eravas on reddit had a theory that these are hints that dirthamen could have potentially been helping solas and mythal with the rebellion. remember how morrigan said it was weird the temple of mythal had fen'harel statues? and the mountain ruins were a sanctuary, so why keep the mosaics? (there are also a few other hints eravas mentioned that i missed, but these are the most important!)

and remember how i said that attackers on the lost temple of dirthamen could have torn his mosaics down specifically and left the others? and i came to the conclusion that they must have had a grudge against dirthamen specifically. well, there is some other defaced imagery... in the form of these decapitated statues of mythal:

so, why would dirthamen have helped solas? i don't know, but we don't really have explicit answers as to why mythal helped him either. and then, why did solas trap dirthamen along with the others? well, there is one last thing...

the statue in the fade: the final piece of the puzzle

and now, the part that lives in my head rent free!

if kieran exists in your worldstate, then during the quest The Final Piece you will find him and flemeth in the fade, and above their meeting ground there is a massive statue of dirthamen with a blade in his back, with blood pouring out of the wound and his eyes:

alright so to be clear this takes place in the raw fade, not the "dreaming" fade; we know the fade usually reflects the dreamer, but know less about the "raw fade" when we aren't dreaming. it's complicated, but from the random statues and scattered memories we see in the fade during here lies the abyss, it's safe to assume that some of the aspects of the dreaming fade (such as it being ever-shifting and a reflection of the waking world) are also present in the raw fade. therefore, i'm guessing that this statue's presence here is mirroring something that happened in the waking world... so what is it?

i think there are two possibilites:

someone betrayed dirthamen, and this captures the moment of his betrayal

dirthamen betrayed mythal, and this statue is a "reflection" of this

while 1 is more of a direct mirror and is more likely, we don't have that much info about who could have done that to him. yeah, ghil maybe, but she was only stirring the pot and this seems more... severe. 2 is what i believe due to flemeth's deliberate choice to use that specific area as a meeting spot. also, if one of the other evanuris had betrayed dirthamen, well solas said they fought among each other all the time, so that would seem pretty insignificant. on the other hand... mythal was betrayed by what we assume was all of the other seven evanuris. why portray dirthamen specifically?

the betrayal of mythal

so now we have the idea of dirthamen helping solas and mythal, and we have the fact that solas trapped all seven remaining evanuris for their murder of mythal, which includes dirthamen.

that is the missing piece: dirthamen helped murder mythal, despite helping her and solas, and presumably sharing their goals. why? let me go back to something i said about the sinner codex...

this reads as an attempt to sow discord, either between dirthamen's worshippers or to paint them as troublesome and dirthamen himself as irresponsible in the eyes of the other evanuris

consider that ghilan'nain and dirthamen were close, and she was this young elf who had just gotten into the ranks of the gods, probably trying her hardest to fit in. consider that perhaps she stumbled upon her friend's - and now fellow god's - involvement in a rebellion against the gods. but she was the youngest of them. she could not just go to the other evanuris and say, "dirthamen is plotting against us", because she was so new to their group that they would just simply not believe her word over mythal and dirthamen's. so what else could she do to discredit his word? cause discord among his followers, maybe? to paint him as irresponsible, untrustworthy, and suspicious?

and maybe she succeeded. maybe the evanuris found out about the rebellion, and mythal and dirthamen's roles, or perhaps only mythal's? either way, it all ended up with them asking dirthamen to join them in their plot to murder mythal - if his involvement was revealed, perhaps he was threatened or promised to be spared if he helped. either way, the question is: why did he agree? did he change his mind and side with the evanuris? or did he do it for preservation reasons? to save himself, and all he'd acquired? honestly, i cannot imagine a god who gathers secrets and knowledge agreeing to throw away his life like that.

so there you have it. i think dirthamen betrayed mythal, and solas, with a much deeper cut than any of the other evanuris could have possibly delivered. and for that he was trapped alongside them, paying the price for his treachery.

the full narrative, summarised

to break down all my theorycrafting and brainstorming in a short summary:

dirthamen was ghilan'nain's patron, until she ascended to godhood and discovered his involvement in solas and mythal's rebellion. unable to simply tell the other gods, ghilan'nain began to sow discord in attempt to discredit dirthamen's word. when the evanuris eventually turned against mythal, dirthamen went along with them in order to preserve himself, and ultimately paid the price by being trapped in the fade alongside the others. the end!

—————

final note: companion parallels

i first touched on this briefly here but i have a small theory that part of bellara and davrin's characters will be to sort of act as parallels to the gods whose vallaslin they have. what i found curious about veilguard's early marketing was the focus on companions and how important they will be, and i specifically noted the multiple times the writers said that the companions were all deeply thought through and are significant to the plot. it's clear the companions were thoughtfully crafted in order to provide different perspectives and experiences, which is why i found it incredibly interesting that they decided on two dalish elf companions — in a game about elven gods terrorising the world, you'd think that one dalish elf and one city elf could provide more differing perspectives, but bioware specifically picked two dalish elves instead. it implies that, despite their similar upbringings, bellara and davrin may have completely differing opinions about the current threat, or about solas, or something else we don't know about yet. it was clearly a very deliberate decision, and with how important the vallaslin is to dalish elves, it has to mean something.

bellara is an elven lore nerd who loves exploring ancient ruins and uncovering secrets. dirthamen was an easy guess, and the design - although new and very unique - matched up to patterns on his inquisition vallaslin. as of sept 19, it has been confirmed her vallaslin is indeed dirthamen's.

davrin is a grey warden and a monster hunter. his vallaslin design was harder to figure out, at first i thought it was june's but the lines and layout really remind me more of ghilan'nain's.

the parallels are pretty clear. bellara is more similar to dirthamen, being interested in secrets and knowledge and such. whereas davrin and ghilan'nain are at odds: davrin being a grey warden monster hunter, ghil being a blighted monster maker. one similarity, and one anithesis, which makes them unique to each other. and for all the gods bioware could have picked, to choose dirthamen and ghilan'nain... well, ghil is of course one of our antagonists, but dirthamen has no direct connection to the plot...

........ or maybe he does? we'll have to find out :)

[always-andromeda]

𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 ⟡ Javi Gutierrez x F!Reader

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 ⟡ 2,685

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 ⟡ A lull in your relationship with Javi leads to some revelations about both of your interests.

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ⟡ so this was a new one for me. this piece is part of @iamasaddie's kinky writing challenge for May and my pairing was Javi G with impact play. I am happy to report that I enjoyed researching this more than I thought I would? I found some really interesting kink blogs that kind of walked me through safe practices and it started to paint the picture in my mind that would become this fanfic. big disclaimer: I've never practiced impact play in real life. my depiction of it comes primarily from the research I've done and what I know of my own personal preferences and I've tried my best to depict a healthy dynamic. so if I'm getting something wrong or I'm depicting anything in an unhealthy way, feel free to let me know!! divider credits go to @saradika-graphics!!

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 ⟡ smut (minors, do not interact), impact play, oral (female receiving), aftercare, pet names (hermosa, baby), reader is given no physical description aside from being able bodied, allusions to past negative experiences with sex (nothing specific is described), a little bit of soft!dom/switch Javi, please let me know if any more are needed!

It’s not that you weren’t satisfied with Javi. The sex had almost always been fine. Hell, most times it was fantastic; better than anything you’d had before. There certainly wasn’t any love lost between you and him. You’d always adore him and the beautiful life you’d built with him by the sea in Mallorca. 

At first you thought it might have been the passing of time that spurred this particular…yearning. After all, don’t most couples go through these patches after a few years? But it quickly became apparent that this wasn’t a fleeting desire. Days passed and you kept going back to the same blog: Impact Play For Beginners.

The first time you’d stumbled across it, you hadn’t paid it much mind. You were looking for ways to spice things up with Javi. But it didn’t seem like him. As your eyes flitted over images of paddles, whips, and canes, all you could think of was how uncomfortable he’d most likely be. The idea of that turned you off, of course.

But you didn’t stay off for very long at all.

Perhaps it was the fact that he felt so safe that made the idea so enticing to begin with. You’d never been with anyone who approached sex as healthily as Javi did. He’d always been fervent with his desires. At the same time, he’d never made you feel like you had to do anything. There was always foreplay, regular check-ins, aftercare, and the ability to say no to whatever, whenever.

It was refreshing. Relieving. And that’s what made it so rough, thinking about possibly bringing something new into the equation. But, Javi had always been big on communication. You trusted that the same principles would apply here. So that’s why you brought it up.

Javi had been open but hesitant about it. At face value, this kink really wasn’t his style. He favored a softer approach. He couldn’t imagine laying a hand on you and causing any sort of harm. But in all honesty…the idea excited you.

The more you looked into it, the more you began to draw some hard lines in the sands of your mind. First and foremost, no toys. As exciting as a crop looked, you weren’t sure if you were prepared for that. At least not yet. For now, you were sticking with the advice of various kink blogs you’d scrolled through and starting off with hands only. Not only were those the instruments that piqued your interest in the first place, they also put you the most at ease. It felt poetic somehow; his usually gentle hands delivering both pleasure and pain this time.

Another aspect you started to delve into were on and off limit body parts. That was the moment Javi set a boundary of his own. “Nothing with your face. I’m not touching your gorgeous face, hermosa,” he’d said with the softest puppy dog eyes. And you didn’t argue. You weren’t feeling comfortable with that either. 

No, you’d start out in the safest zones possible, the places that would be least likely to get injured: your ass and thighs. 

Then came the scheduling. You both agreed on a weekend night just so there was an adequate amount of time for recovery before either of you had to worry about work.

You stand in front of the vanity mirror in your bedroom. Part of you feels like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff as you stare at the lingerie clad figure being reflected back at you. With the night that’s ahead of you, you figured it’d be safest to wear something you’re familiar with sans the bottoms for easier access. It’s a simple chemise that’s comfortable enough, yet it hugs your body in a way that you know both you and Javi enjoy. You try to focus on that thought as you think.

The most reassuring part is that you aren’t afraid. As much as you’d wanted this, you’d also wondered if you would be. Instead you’re all raw nerves. And the electricity thrumming from them only calms when Javi appears in the mirror behind you.

You watch his dark eyes trace over your body in the mirror. It’s a sight he’s seen probably hundreds of times at this point, yet he still looks like it’s the first time he’s laid eyes on you.

“You are so beautiful, hermosa,” Javi breathes out in genuine awe. “Gorgeous.”

Your cheeks warm at the dose of flattery.

Javi’s hands start at your shoulders and you relax into them. The heels of his palms knead the muscles that seem to be perpetually knotted up. You close your eyes and picture that taut tissue slowly and carefully unwinding itself. A small sigh escapes you. It sows hope within you knowing that he’s willing to step out of his comfort zone for this. But it also brings you comfort; he’ll always take care of you just like this. 

“Are we doing okay, so far?” Javi mumbles.

You stifle a small laugh and the urge to say, “We’ve barely started anything.”

Because you know this is new for him. You try to remember that you’re new at this too. Don’t go too far, too fast. Pace yourself, you say internally.

“We’re alright,” you finally assure him.

“Promise me you’ll use your safe word if you need to.”

You meet his gaze in the mirror. He eyes you with furrowed brows and his lips in a thin line. His hands still work at your shoulders; work you into the most soothing rhythm that makes you want to fall asleep. But the fire that fills your bones makes you feel more alive than ever.

You nod and then turn to face him. “I will. I promise.”

Your hands find his cheeks and cup them. In that moment you’re holding your entire world. And you’re trusting him to fulfill some of your most vulnerable fantasies.

Your lips meet his and it all starts to fall together. He’s warm and tastes vaguely of citrus. His hands land on the globes of your ass and he gives them a good squeeze. A moan slowly rises in his throat. If there was one thing you knew Javi was looking forward to, it was paying more attention to that part of you. Besides, there was no way you could miss the way he looked at the pictures on one of the kink blogs you’d scrolled through together. Shots of a woman’s back. Bright red marks in the shape of a hand on her ass. 

His eyes had been so wide, simply staring at them as you read through tips for beginners.

“You wouldn’t want marks like that…would you?” he’d asked then. 

The note of hopefulness in his voice was palpable. He’d never been good at concealing his emotions, especially around you.

“I don’t know…maybe,” you’d replied coyly before admitting, “I kind of like the idea of it. Of having that reminder of you.” As if everything else wasn’t enough. As if you needed to see the evidence of his love represented by blemishes on your skin. That was the thing about Javi though, his whole being was so infectious. You needed him to inhabit every part of your life. You needed to see his handprints on you like you needed to breathe.

Anticipation sends a shiver up your spine as you lay on your stomach along the foot of the bed you share with him. Propped up on your elbows, you arched your back in order to better present your ass to him.

He takes a moment to lean over your form. You already feel a bit of a bulge poke the back of your thighs. At least he’s starting to enjoy himself, you grin.

“Are you ready to begin?” Javi asks. You hum absently only to be met with a brief pause before he adds, “Words, hermosa. Words.”

“Yes, sir,” you say, voice raised louder this time. You don’t see his expression, but you can imagine the way it stutters based on the silence that follows.

Javi thankfully doesn’t leave you with too much time to second guess yourself before you hear his chuckle, “Very good job. I’m already so proud of you.”

He stands again and continues gentle ministrations on your upper thighs. Once again you feel as though you could simply fall asleep. And there’s something secure in feeling like you could. You’re safe. 

A pleasant flush builds on the surface of your skin. You can feel the blood coursing through your veins as Javi warns, “I’m going to give you the first strike. Then we’ll go from there, alright?”

“Alright. I’m ready,” you affirm. And you mean it.

A few seconds later, you feel a light slap on your ass. It’s almost playful. And it doesn’t satisfy the craving within. You start to squirm, hoping to suppress some of the restlessness brewing in your chest.

“Easy, hermosa. Good girls stay patient,” Javi says. You’re not quite used to hearing such language come from him. But it’s perfectly in line with his desire to care for you. It’s how you feel confident that you’re both on the same page. He doesn’t want you overwhelming yourself either. So despite the soft start, you don’t feel any disappointment.

You do what you’re told and stay patient. 

The slaps don’t startle you until one leaves a particular sting that awakens a heartbeat in your core. For the moment it lives, it means everything to you. The initial jolt, along with that expectant throb, subsides a little too quickly for your liking. You fist the silk sheets beneath you just to find purchase in something.

“Keep going like that,” you whisper breathlessly, wanting to chase that feeling to the ends of the Earth.

And Javi lets you. He slaps your ass once, twice, three more times and each one builds the heat that crackles along your flesh like thunderclaps. On the fourth slap you finally gasp a small, “Fuck.” You feel yourself clench around nothing. But Javi still groans as if he was inside you. 

“You like this, hm?” he growls.

“So fucking much,” you whimper.

Smack.

The impact is hard enough that it makes you jump. More importantly, you feel that throb once more. Your belly fills with butterflies as you start to realize that it’s fucking working for you. 

You try to imagine what you must look like from his point of view. Ass up, head bowed, gasping between blows. You bet that based on your position, from where he stands, he’s probably getting a peek at your cunt too. And if it looks anything like it feels, you’ve got to be glistening. You’ve got to have the most inviting look about you. And the fact that that vulnerability still doesn’t scare you…your head feels lost in the clouds.

You feel Javi’s fingers drag over the curve of your ass before they stop just short of your cunt. He says suddenly, “Fuck, I need you. I need to taste you. Please?” he begs. 

All you can manage is a whine along with a swift nod before rolling around on your back. Just as quickly, Javi is on his knees, dragging you down the bed by your ankles until he’s almost face to face with your cunt. You can feel just how swollen your lips are. And as he begins to lap at your slick, you know that you haven’t gotten this wet in a while. It fulfills something inside you that you hadn’t expected.

Your thighs and your ass burn, but it only adds to the pleasure gradually filling your belly. The pain and pleasure come together in a gorgeous harmony that has your hips rocking along against Javi’s mouth. His warm tongue fucks you as your clit rubs against his nose. It’s a classic position that’s only heightened with the knowledge that when you wake up in the morning, his handprints are going to be on your ass.

You’re shamelessly rutting against him now. Fingers knitted through his hair, you ride out the mounting pressure like you’ll die if you don’t. And Javi – being the pleaser he is – enjoys it. Between breaths, he groans, sending vibrations through you that seem to rattle your bones.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you whine.

“Mhm,” Javi hums desperately. “Go ahead, you can get there, hermosa. Just use me, please.”

Tears start to slip down the sides of your temples. Flashes of all the men you’ve been with before fill your head. You think of all the times you weren’t in control. All the times you felt you didn’t have a say in what was going to happen to your own body. And those memories only remind you that none of that is true anymore. Right here and right now, you’re with Javi. And he’s indulged in something you would’ve been too afraid to express to anyone else. All he wants is to please you. And that only makes your tears flow faster.

You’re going to combust. Javi Gutierrez is going to make you fucking explode and you don’t even care. You’ve gotten yours. As long as he too gets to feel the impact of his kindness, you’re satisfied.

Just like that, the bomb goes off and you’re on fire as pleasure rips through you. You’re in pieces. Legs wrapped around Javi’s upper half, heels digging into the muscles of his back, and hands keeping him held in place; keeping what’s left of you together in a shaky embrace.

It takes a few seconds for the shock to melt away. Somehow you catch your breath and finally remove your hands from Javi’s curls to wipe away your tears. If you weren’t tired before, you’re exhausted now. More than the physical satisfaction, you couldn’t have foreseen the emotional release. 

Your ass and your thighs don’t quite hurt anymore. It’s more of a soft ache; a rolling wave you ride on until it passes, leaving your head floating in a placid ocean of bliss. This naturally comes with some swirls of catharsis and sentimentality. They both buzz in your mind and you're only distantly aware of it when Javi gets up to wet a washcloth.

When he returns, he cleans you up the way he always does. Asking if he’s alright to touch you in various places and letting you know before he does so you’re not startled. You pay just enough attention to hum in agreement as he carefully parts your thighs to wipe up the remnants of slick and spit. 

Javi finishes the job a minute or two later, leaving once more to add the washcloth to the laundry basket in your closet. Then you feel the mattress dip as Javi lays beside you, looking spent without even taking off a shred of his own clothing.

You return to your own mind for a moment. Enough to turn, lay on your side, and send him a worried look. “Oh, I’m so sorry, baby. Do you need me to take care of you?”

Javi laughs lightly, “No. It’s alright, hermosa. You don’t need to take care of anything for me.”

“Are you sure?”

A soft smile forms on his face. “You’re happy, right?”

You nod.

“Good. I’m happy too. We don’t need anything else.”

Javi tenderly places a hand on your lower back and pulls you a little closer towards his chest, his grin growing. “Besides, I can’t wait to see those marks in the morning.”

His expression is so contagious you can’t help but return it before placing a kiss on his nose. “Me neither,” you whisper. Within a few days those marks he most certainly left would start to take on a purple hue before fading into a yellowish undertone. The prospect of seeing that progression fills your stomach with butterflies once more. Surely you both prepared enough that they wouldn’t take long to heal. But that doesn’t bring you down in the slightest. Because as long as Javi is willing to, when those marks do go away, you and him get to make them all over again.

Thank you so much for reading!! If you enjoyed, please consider reblogging; it's massively appreciated!!

[velvetvexations]

Adding on to the Anon talking about analysis of m/m fandom? So much omegaverse is some of the most heavily transmasculinised shit (sometimes positive, often negative). Like most of it is bioessentialist nonsense and way too much of it has the theme of "if you get dicked down well enough you'll accept your true gender and feel comfortable being (an omega/a woman)" (it's fiction. I'm not here to judge people's jack off material or tropey escapism per se, but given the way society is? I will side eye the sheer amount of omegaverse with these underlying themes. Maybe just think about things and context occasionally. Just a little)

but the fact that there's a significant genre where men are shown to be treated with misogyny specifically because of their biology in relation to reproduction and often have primary sex characteristics like wombs and vaginas etc but secondary characteristics of facial hair, flat chest etc. To me omegaverse is the direct transmasculinised equivalent irt "it's not trans it's a fantasy sex" to f*tanari (including the insane amounts of intersexism in both genres). Like what else do you call a genre where "a (woman/man) looks like a conventional cis version of a (woman/man) except they have a (dick/vagina) and are sexualized because of it in a way commonly associated with their genitals" is the main aspect

Like a lot of omegaverse relies heavily on transandrophobic tropes. The "character hides their gender to get opportunities but once they are safe they can finally be who they really are aka allign with their biology" is practically a staple of the genre. I've come across so much omegaverse that makes me want to just go up to the author and say please never speak to a trans man or masc ever.

Like I am generally a let people do what they want in fiction kind of person but the fact that the relationship to real life dynamics is so obscured makes it impossible to tell if these people recognize what they imply with a lot of this stuff. There have been some great works in the genre that use a different universe to explore gender well (I've read some good fics where a character is trans in the omegaverse gender (though never in a transmasc equivalent way I wonder why 🤔🤔🤔) so I don't think it's all just garbage) but the sheer reliance on biology as a cornerstone of the universe just makes so much of it inadvertently extremely extremely transphobic among other things

Omegaverse is absolutely the transmasc version of futa, and like futa, that doesn't make it inherently immoral or anti-praxis but it does require a bit of self-awareness and being careful about things as much as one would with anything else.

[makialene]

An Analysis/Breakdown of Alien Stage Round 6

I've seen a couple of people give their interpretations of this round, so I figured I'd share my own thoughts. I wanted to specifically focus on how this develops IvanTill's relationship with each other, specifically in a ship context.

We start with Tills verse, so naturally we get his perspective first. The first flashback scene we get (beyond the intro) is of Till in the bar with Urak (his guardian), being forced to sing "My Clematis" but refusing. To punish Till for disobeying, alongside throwing something at Till, he forces Till to look at a newspaper about how Mizi is missing, deliberately harassing him because he knows how important Mizi is to Till. A few seconds later, we cut to a clip of Ivan fighting the Aliens in the bar off of Till.

After this, the next time we see this scene, it is Till lying on Urak's lap, reaching out into the distance. There we see Mizi, dressed in all white like a Guardian Angel, even though Ivan is the one who saves him here.

What this scene is telling us as an audience is that Till sees Mizi, and only Mizi. Despite the fact that Ivan is physically present in that moment AND the one who actually saves him, Till doesn't see Ivan. He just sees Mizi.

"Seeing" people is used as a metaphor for love a lot in Alien Stage, ESPECIALLY with IvanTill. We see this a lot with their (usually Ivan's) actions, but it's a bit more explicit in the song itself that they're singing

Cue lyrics like: "네 눈에 날 녹여주길//Dissolve me in your gaze" "읽어줘 날//Read my soul" "지금 나의 상처를 봐줘 지금 나를 치유해줘//Notice my pain And mend me right now" And, of course, most explicitly: "날 보는 네 눈동자에 마셔줘 날//In your gaze where I'm seen Consume me"

"Being seen" is symbolic of love in this world, at least for IvanTill. The previous scene establishes that, despite how desperately Ivan wants it, Till only "sees" Mizi. This is a very important establishing scene for setting up where IvanTill is as a relationship BEFORE the events of Round 6. In order to shift a dynamic, we need to know where we stand originally. Ivan "sees" Till, but Till does not "see" Ivan.

We now switch to Ivans verse and perspective. We start by seeing a continuation of the previous flashback from Ivans perspective, where he approaches an unconscious Till. He removes Till's… collar? gag? and leans over him, looking at him. Here is another moment where Ivan "sees" Till, and Till is unable to "see" Ivan.

Important note here: if you look at Ivan's eyes, you can see a slight highlight towards the bottom. This is a visual representation of "love" in IvanTill. Till, notably, does not have any highlights in his eyes while singing, furthering the notion that at this point in time, he only "sees" Mizi. The video even zooms in on Ivan's eyes, showing the highlights in greater detail to emphasize this to the viewer.\

We then cut back to Ivan singing on stage, and he has highlights in his eyes. Even though he isn't LITERALLY looking at Till in this moment, the song is for him. He's thinking of Till, and this is how the art shows us that he can "see" him.

We then cut to another flashback, but this is of another scene. This scene starts off by Ivan stepping on some flowers and Till attacking him for it, likely because, as we know, Mizi adores said flowers (once again, establishing Till's affection for Mizi). However, it s important to note that the reason Ivan did this wasn't to upset Till at all- it was to protect him.

A popular fan theory that got confirmed canon with the art book was that the artificial flowers were actually cameras, so that the Aliens could monitor the children in Anakt Garden. We have to assume that Ivan knows this, as we are shown time and time again that Ivan seems to know more about the facility they're in than the rest of the cast. He finds the hidden Alien that they mess with, he is able to break himself and Till out (before Till runs back for Mizi), etc. Given this, he is likely stopping on the flowers to protect Till from the Aliens.

Of course, Till doesn't know this and (another theme of IvanTill being miscommunication) Ivan, in all his wisdom, doesn't tell Till- he just gets attacked. And even then, despite fighting back in self defense, Ivan doesn't truly mind what's happening. He's surprised, sure, but Till is looking at him, and that's all he wants.

We can see in the scene how Ivan's initial reaction is surprise rather than anger, how he doesn't seem to enjoy retaliating, and the joy he feels at being seen. (Notice: Highlights in his eyes when Till first attacks him, no highlights when he's fighting back, highlights again after the fight is over)

Not to stay on eye highlights for too long but the scene immediately following that we get THIS visual: Ivan, with highlights in his eyes, looking at Till; and Till, with highlights in his eyes, distinctly not looking at Ivan. Vivinos, you way at visually conveying unrequited love... I envy you

The next scene I want to discuss is a few seconds later, where Till shows up to what appears to be a cafeteria with a cut on his face. We can assume this came from treatment of the Aliens, Urak or otherwise. Ivan gets up from his seat to come over and touch the cut on Till's face. Till, caught off guard, reacts harshly by pushing him away. While this is the scene I'm least sure of, I saw this scene as an indirect confession of Ivan's feelings. It's meant to be a conversation; he's trying to tell Till that he sees him and his pain (this scene comes not long after the lyrics "지금 나의 상처를 봐줘//Notice my pain"). Till, of course, doesn't understand, and pushes him and then looks away- which Ivan quietly accepts as a rejection. (and then he licks Till's blood because he's a Freak idk).

This goes along with their theme of miscommunication: Ivan is constantly "confessing" indirectly- trying to tell Till that he sees him and in turn begging Till to do the same, but Till cannot understand what Ivan is doing, so he continues to "reject" him. This also somewhat addresses why Till has not confronted his subconscious feelings for Ivan- alongside a myriad of other reasons, Till does not truly understand what Ivan's feelings for him are.

There is the possibility that this is at least partially internalized homophobia. While we may not know for sure what the "laws" surrounding homosexuality are in this universe (if humans are even legally allowed to love/get married), what we DO know from the comic "The True Face" is that at the very least, it is a heteronormative society. When Mizi talks to The Worst Guy Ever, he isn't threatened by Sua at all; he does, however, see Till as a rival, despite Mizi having no romantic interest in him.

I don't think it's unreasonable for Till to ignore any potential feelings he may have had for Ivan growing up, because it's honestly unlikely he realized what they were at the time. It's not like Ivan was explaining himself well.

And now, of course, we have to get to the iconic kiss scene and what the hell Ivan is actually trying to do there.

What sparks Ivan to act is Till's own self-sacrifice. He gives up and stops singing. Forfeits. Till finally comes to terms with dying; it's not like he has Mizi anymore, so what's the point? and he gives up. Fortunately, or unfortunately, for him, Ivan cannot live without him. Ivan knows this to be true. He also believes that Till doesn't care about him and, therefore, will be fine without him, so he takes action to make sure he survives.

Not to go back to the highlights in their eyes, but they're IMPORANT and SYMBOLIC and I love body language in this show so I'm doing it. When Ivan approaches Till, Till doesn't have any light in his eyes, until he LOOKS AT IVAN AND THE APPEAR FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE SONG STARTED. His eyes also DILATE. Whether or not Till can acknowledge his love for Ivan is one thing, but it is clear that he absolutely does harbor affection for him.

I think it is also important to note that Ivan DOESN'T have any highlights in his eyes. Ivan doesn't like what he's about to do here.

First, I am going to break down the actual scene itself and what we can see from that, then why I think Ivan chose to do this.

First, let's look at the two's reaction to the kiss. Till's is most obvious: he's confused and panicked. Mere seconds ago, he decided to give up and die, and just as he's accepted his own death, Ivan is kissing him for reasons he couldn't begin to fathom. We have to remember that at this point, Ivan has done a terrible job of actually conveying his feelings like a normal person. Till is aware that Ivan feels something for him- but it's unlikely he processed the true extent of it. So now, Till must deal with the shock of his friend kissing him ON TOP of the shock of not being dead when in his mind he very much should be.

So, naturally, he panics and pushes away. He doesn't understand what Ivan is doing, doesn't understand why he would be doing it, and this is interrupting his plans. Till was ready to die, and Ivan is actively preventing that.

From the facial expressions we see, it seems like Till is much more caught off guard and confused/panicked in this moment than truly distressed at the fact that Ivan is kissing him. We, as the audience, know he has subconscious feelings for Ivan, which is likely why his reaction is more panic and confusion instead of disgust.

We also have to look at Ivan's reaction. It would be natural for him to be excited, given that he finally gets the opportunity to kiss the person he's in love with, but that's not what we see on his face at all. His face is very... neutral. Focused. He isn't enjoying the kiss at all. We've seen Ivan when he's happy because of Till, like in the scene where they fight and Till finally looks at him. Till may be looking at him, but Ivan is not happy. This isn't what he wants.

Ivan is stronger than Till, which we know from their fight but also the sheer size difference between the two. There was plenty of forced proximity, Ivan had multiple opportunities to kiss Till before, but he never did. Why? Because he needs Till to want it. Ivan has no desire to force a relationship onto Till. As much as it hurts, he respects their relationship as being nonromantic and chooses to never cross that boundary because he does not want to hurt Till. Ivan is crossing his own boundaries by doing this, and is miserable for it. There is only tragedy for him in this kiss: he finally gets to kiss his love but it couldn't be further from how he wanted it.

Till's eyes also have highlights; his eyes even soften once Ivan finishes kissing him, as if he had finally processed at least a portion of his feelings, but now, Ivan is the one not looking at him. His eyes are away, and there are no highlights.

Now: why did Ivan do this? I think he had two reasons, personally. The primary one is obvious: save Till. Till had stopped singing, which would cause him to lose if Ivan did not act. Ivan needs a way to quickly distract the audience from what Till has done, so what does he do?

Well, what he's always done. He plays to the audience. One of Ivan's greatest strengths in Alien Stage is his ability to see Alien Stage for what it is: a show. This is entertainment for the aliens. So, he plays into it. We've seen this a bit before in the previous episode, Top 3. This is where we get an image of the main four walking and see Till flicking off the aliens. More importantly, though, we see Ivan making a heart towards his fans. This isn't him being ignorant- he knows exactly where he stands among the Alien- he is just also aware of the genre of the show he's on. The aliens want an idol; he can do that. He's good at it, too. In Top 3, we learn that despite all of Luka's popularity, Ivan is actually on top of the alien fandom's popularity poll. Till fights his fans, it makes sense that he isn't popular. Luka is pretty neutral, doing enough to get by with a slightly higher quality of life but ultimately being pretty docile. Ivan, though? Ivan plays to the fans. It gives him a safety net.

This is one of the reasons I believe he chose to kiss Till. He took a very bold action that he knew would captivate the alien audience, immediately distracting them from the fact that Till had lost by no longer singing. In this regard, he is successful.

However, I think there is another, more personal reason he kissed Till- and no, it's not because of his feelings for him. I think he wanted to guarantee that Till would not miss him.

Let's go back a bit.

A while ago, Vivino's posted a comic and FOR THE LIFE OF ME I cannot find a translated version, but, in summary, Ivan mocks Sua for her plan to die for Mizi, saying all she will do is traumatize Mizi and calling her selfish for that.

It is because of this comic that I think Ivan wants to make sure that Till does not remember him fondly. He's attempting to be selfless- a moment of discomfort for Till, so he can "confess" and have Till reject him as he always has. Till does not want him, Ivan is sure, so when he does something explicitly romantic, Ivan is sure Till will hate him for it. Then, Ivan can die at least knowing that Till won't grieve the way Mizi does (did- he doesn't know if she's even alive by this point).

However, this backfires. Till pushes back initially, but I don't think we're meant to take that scene as a full rejection, especially not with how Round 7 takes it. We know Luka uses people that you love to manipulate you when singing against a person, and so, the natural choice here is Mizi. We know Till loves Mizi, throughout the entire series, he has shown his love for her. But, that's not who Vivino's chooses to have Luka mimic- he mimics Ivan. Because, and now Till has realized it, Till loves Ivan. If Luka wanted to choose someone Till hated, he would've chosen on of the Aliens, who Till has much more negative associations with, but he chooses love instead. Love to catch people off guard and mourn.

Back to the remainder of the round. The next thing we see, after Till's eyes briefly soften, is Ivan grabbing Till by the neck and pushing him away before pulling him back for a moment, as he glances at the scoreboard. There, he confirms that Till has beaten him, and his eyes have highlights once again. This is where we see him kiss Tiff, briefly, softly, a kiss Till doesn't reject at all. This kiss was real, one last selfish desire to make his feelings known genuinely, unlike the show he had to put on earlier. But, Ivan doesn't wait for true reciprocation- he knows Till won't give him that. So, he pushes Till away once again and "chokes" him.

Not that I believe Ivan was actually choking him. His hands are placed on the side of Till's throat rather than the windpipe, and instead of struggling against him, Till simply closes his eyes and accepts whatever happens to him (ANOTHER example of Till struggling to look at Ivan). There are also no marks on Till's neck and he imediately snaps back to alert when Ivan falls to the ground, so while the "choke" may have been uncomfortable, I don't believe Till's life was in any danger (from that specifically).

As Ivan chokes Till, he looks similar to how he did when he was kissing him: cold and calculating. Till is supposed to live, sure, but he did decide to forfeit- so Ivan is going to make sure Till survives.

I can't show this in a still image, but I also noticed how Ivan's hands shake and his eyes pulse as he does this. I think he wants to believe this is the right thing, because he's not sure what else to do, and not sure what it means if this isn't, but at the end of the day, he's scared.

Then there's the moment when he coughs up blood and allows himself to finally relax. He's going to die, which means Till is going to live. His plan worked. We see him process this, and his face shifts from this cold version of himself to an expression of utter love for Till (and you'll never guess what. eye highlights came back).

As he falls, Till's eyes snap open, and we see him willingly look at Ivan for the first time, all too late. Now, Till is beginning to process what this all means and how he feels about it. It's sublte, but as he looks at Ivan, there's a shine in his eyes as well.

And, Ivan falls, but he falls happily. Till lived, and he finally looked at him. He finally SAW Ivan. We watch Ivan fall, lifeless, but the very last frame we get of him before he hits the ground is, you guessed it, another close-up on his eyes to show the eye highlights. He died seen, so he can be happy.

Unfortunately, his death is selfish, alongside Sua's. In Alien Stage, selflessness and sacrifice are tied to selfishness. Ivan attempts to be selfless here and not traumatize Till, but he doesn't account for the possibility of Till reciprocating his feelings in any capacity. I'm not sure how to end this exactly LMAO. Anyway, I think it's a tragedy, but it also makes an interesting point about how we have a limited time to work through our feelings. If you read through this whole thing, you should follow me so we can be alien stage brainrot buddies

[anonao3author]

untitled fic, ch 1 - i've done a lotta things

—

"We know what you did." Superman loomed over Red Hood, every word a booming threat that if he didn't cooperate, it'd be more than his helmet smashed to pieces.

"I've done a lotta things," Red Hood said. "Ya gotta be more specific."

—

"I'm almost there, Roy, there's no need to get pissy." Jason flipped off the old woman he just passed, the one who'd been doing twenty under the speed limit since Pike Ave.

On the other end of the phone, Roy sighed. "I know, Jay-" Jason adjusted the phone, speeding up on his bike- "-worry about you. Bikers get in three times more accidents than cars. Three times!"

"Maybe 'cause their boyfriends won't stop nagging them while they're tryna-" he swerved around a pedestrian who should not have been crossing there, holy f- "-drive!"

—

His reintegration into the Batfamily had been... a little rocky, mainly on account of the whole "trying to kill Tim thing", which he would admit was definitely his fault.

—

Getting to hang out with Damian again was a plus, too. He'd met the little shit in the LOA, and they actually hit it off pretty well, in his opinion. Given, he had no idea what an actual sibling relationship was supposed to be like, but stabbing was probably normal.

All in all, the Wayne's, being one of them? It wasn't that bad.

—

It had seemed impossible, for a while.

He was finally getting his life back together.

He stepped out onto the road.

Someone stopped him.

He looked up, and was greeted with an (unfortunately) familiar face. Oliver Queen, Green Arrow, Roy's father. He was in his full Emerald Archer get-up, little green booties and all.

—

Hal slammed his hands down on the table, leaning towards Red Hood. "What do you need the money for, Hood?" He growled.

"Raising children isn't cheap, dickshit, have you seen the price of fucking sheet metal these days?"

"What does... what does sheet metal have to do with raising kids?" Clark asked, puzzled.

"My son is a picky eater."

—

Decided to try my hand at the "Batfamily meets the Justice League" trope, filled to the brim with my own headcanons and favourite dynamics. This fic is entirely self indulgent, but I'm gonna post it anyways because I'm so bored.

If you liked these snippets, you will probably like the fic (or at least the first chapter). I tried to pick out the funniest bits of the 4k ish words I wrote.

First chapter will hopefully be posted before January next year

[zykamiliah]

hey! i haven't seen mha in a looong time and i've never payed attention to bakudeku (mostly because i'm not the biggest fan of bully romance), but i'd love to see your take/interpretation/analysis on it? i've been a really big fan of your svsss metas and so i just thought, "hey, you know what, i'm curious to see zykamiliah's take on a ship i've never been interested in from an anime that i haven't seen in years! maybe i'll see something?"

not too sure if you already made a post explaining it (so sorry if you did!), but i've seen enough of the sudden rise of bakudeku reblogs on my feed from your account to ignite my curiosity lol

i just really enjoy hearing about ships because they're an amazing opportunity to explore dynamics and perspectives i've never given much thought/thought about before (coming from a rare pair lover... oh gyx/lbg, my sweet...) so i'd love to see bakudeku, a ship i don't quite understand (yet!) in a more understanding, different, and interesting light! and in complete honesty i trust your judgement with insightful character and ship analysis stuff, so... yeah!

heeey jade! sorry for the wait, i've been busy with work and irl stuff :DDD but i'm here now!

where to even begin lol... well, it's important to note that the relationship between midoriya izuku, the protagonist, and bakugo katsuki, the deuteragonist, is one of the main narrative lines of the manga, at the very core of the story. katsuki is izuku's narrative foil, their character developments are intrinsically connected (specially katsuki's!), and the same can be said about the themes of heroism, of what makes a hero, who can be a hero, what type of hero society needs, or if it needs them at all, etc., questions that also tie to the evolution of their relationship.

so from the start i was sold on this dynamic because i really like relationships that are at the center of a story!! i also like relationships with a complicated history with lots of drama and ups and downs, and i like that each character has their own things going on in their lives even if they are connected and one of the most important persons in each other's lives. big big bonus guaranteed to get my full attention if they are obsessed with each other lol

the thing is, deku and bakugo are in a bad place when the story kicks in. bakugo isn't an active bully, in the sense that he doesn't constantly seek deku out to hurt him, but he IS horribly mean and hostile, and that's because for years he's felt threatened by deku (and deku's heroic qualities), and wants to push him away, because he also feels that deku is looking down on him. the story doesn't shy away from showing and acknowledging that bakugo's behavior is atrocious and needs to change, and it works towards it consistently: he eventually atones, apologizes, and changes. on the other side of the coin, deku has always been paying attention to bakugo and, despite how the latter treated him, would chase him, observe him to the point he has bakugo's moves memorized, takes inspiration from his fighting style and even imitates him to give himself courage to do something specially daring and when he wants to "win" more than "save"; bakugo is his image of victory, ever since they were kids.

i scrolled through my bkdk meta tag, since it's been yeeeeears since i was involved in the fandom, lol, and found this post that tackles the bullying issue specifically and makes some very good points, if you wanted to read it! :D

the manga eventually addresses the problems in their relationship in "Deku vs Kacchan 2" (chapters 117-119), at the time bakugo is feeling turmoils for the part he played in All Might's end. to the question of "why does deku chase and care about bakugo if bakugo is so mean to him?" ch 119 has deku answer that himself:

this fight is the turning point for their relationship, and for the rest of the manga their individual and dual development is mostly upwards. reading bnha is worth it, if anything, just for the beauty of bakugo katsuki's development.

another big aspect that got me hooked in their relationship from the very first anime episode (and first opening) is that they are

✨Childhood Friends✨

(strap in this is gonna get loooooooooong)

Childhood friends (Osananajimi) is kind of a huge trope in manga/anime, often as a romantic interest. According to some sources i quickly consulted in the internet, and some of the manga/anime I've watched, in Japanese culture osananajimi is considered one of the purest bond formed between people, with a level of closeness equal to that between blood relatives; formed at such an early age, at a time when societal restrictions didn't apply yet, the relationship is genuine because they still didn’t need or know how to hide their true feelings from each other. As the childhood friends grew up together, this is considered a special connection, somewhat different to those formed after societal norms and perceptions take precedence. Or, as makeste put it:

here we have two very young children who are introduced to each other at an age when they’re still young enough to have absolutely no secrets. they’re young enough to have not yet learned to be shy or self-conscious, or to downplay their enthusiasm so as not to let others know they care. kids that young don’t hide anything. they don’t lie or deceive. they don’t have agendas, and they assume that others don’t either. it is, in short, a very pure type of relationship in the sense that it’s honest and uncomplicated, that it is exactly what it appears to be at face value. their personalities are fully out there with no attempt at reining anything in. Katsuki witnesses the full force of Izuku’s boundless hero-worshipping energy and enthusiasm. Izuku witnesses the full extent of Katsuki’s relentless confidence and Peter Pan cockiness. both boys see each other for who they are in their entirety, and accept each other. this is a fundamental bond. there is trust built between the two of them at a critical, formative age. it’s a relationship formed so early on that it’s likely that neither of them can actually recall a time before they met the other. they are and have always been a constant in each other’s lives. they’re a lot like siblings in terms of that kind of closeness and complete understanding of the other, both the good and the bad. in fact I’d say that Izuku’s use of “Kacchan” (and Katsuki’s automatic acceptance of it) isn’t that different from a younger brother’s use of “Niisan” for his older brother. it’s very revealing of the type of relationship they have. and that includes the typical sibling squabbles as well. it’s very much a relationship that’s taken for granted; there’s no filter, no effort to hold back, no attempt at trying to tone down their behavior around one another. there is whining and bragging and squabbling and name-calling and tears, just as much as there is cooperation and respect and trust. because at the end of the day, the assumption is that the relationship will endure no matter what, so they can go at each other as hard as they can and it doesn’t matter. the other one’s presence is just a given. that’s the kind of relationship that this term “childhood friends” really encapsulates, I think.

The sudden change of their statuses when the quirks start to manifest is a major factor that placed them on opposite sides of the social hierarchy, and conditioned the way society and their peers would treat them. But despite this and the misunderstandings that happen between them and the falling apart of their relationship, the subconscious understanding between them remains intact through the years. They always flashback to their earlier memories. They probably didn't interact much in elementary or middle school, and even if they did, they interactions were already tainted by their social status and Bakugo’s hostility. They don't share their innermost feelings with anyone but each other. Like when Deku gets angry or determined to win and to surpass him, or when Bakugo screams and cries out his emotional turmoil at Deku. According to Japanese social rules those are selfish things to do. This relates to the concepts of honne and tatemae.

Japanese society is more regimented than one might believe just from watching anime. By middle school age, and even to some degree in primary school, children are expected to interact with their peers in a relatively professional way. This is especially true of relationships between students of opposite sexes. Such requirements aren't held for family or close friends, but for everyone else one is expected to be polite and not share their true feelings or say things too directly. This concept of dividing people into an in-group and an out-group (内外, uchi-soto) is somewhat hard for non-Japanese people to understand, but is central to interactions between people in Japanese culture. In fact, you can find plenty of examples of this and of the related concepts of honne and tatemae in anime if you look, but if you aren't looking for them specifically it's easy to miss. (source)

So, for example, you shouldn't show your true feelings/thoughts to other people, even more if they aren’t socially acceptable, because that may disturb the peace in the community. But because Deku and Kacchan are osananajimi that have known each other their whole life, that doesn't apply to them. By stating from the very beginning that Kacchan was Deku's childhood friend, Hori put them in a close relationship with each other with a level of intimacy, trust and a subconscious understanding not like any other. Kacchan is, in fact, closer to him than All Might himself.

Like, Deku has been calling Bakugo by his childhood nickname, Kacchan ("Ka[tsu]" from Katsuki + "-chan", which is usually used to address children or females in an affectionate way), even past the age he was excepted it to drop it. When they were 4 years old, the other kids called him "Kacchan" too, but growing up it would be seen as childish or disrespectful so they start to call him "Katsuki" or "Bakugo". This puts a level of distance between him and his peers that, regardless of what happened between them, didn't extend to Deku and Katsuki. And it had to cross Deku's mind at some point ( "Should I start calling him Katsuki/Bakugo too?") but he didn't or simply couldn't. Despite everything, he wasn't willing to put even more distance between himself and Bakugo. He deliberately refused to put formal distance between them, and more importantly, Bakugo just LET THAT BE.

___

Like, this was a great set up from the beginning for me. I knew there was a story there from the first episodes, and then "Deku vs Kacchan 1" happened, showing their childhood flashbacks and the misunderstandings that would persist until DvK2, and i was really into that lol They relationship was one of the main reasons I followed the manga.

i mean LOOK at THIS!

how i could NOT ship it i mean come on

Even their color schemes complement each other, and their costumes have the same/similar colors. they are are complementary opposites that share the same core: to become a hero, their admiration of All Might. Each of them has a quality the other lacks and needs to work on to become the heroes: heroes that win and save, as All Might put it. Selflessness and Selfishness: to help and save others, in one side, and to care for one's personal victory, in the other. Bakugo was obsessed with victory and glory, and Deku was willing to do anything to save others, to the point of self-destruction. These isolated qualities didn't made them good heroes, but combined, as the two learn them from each other, by the end of the story they really become two of the greatest heroes.

This connects with their rivalry, which is richer than any other in the manga because of the many layers to their relationship: they are obsessed with each other, want to compete with each other (for the rest of their lives!!!) and don't want the other to fall behind, specially after their misunderstandings are resolved. They also don't want to be left behind by the other. Because they love each other too much! Whether people interpret it as platonic or romantic or whatever in between (secret third they are like like four different types of greek love categories combined), they are each other's More Important Person outside of family members. Hell, Kacchan getting hurt is basically Deku's berserk button: he punches All Might in the face to save Katsuki during the end of term exam; he goes crazy protective and possessive when Katsuki gets kidnapped by the League of villains(Mr. Compress even calls him out lmao)

he goes crazy when Katsuki is hurt in front of him

and when he thought katsuki had died...

i mean. look at this romantic shit.

_

lol and i feel like i'm leaving many other stuff behind, like Bakugo's apology, and all the little moments after DvK, and all the times in the last arc where Bakugo was thinking about Izuku constantly, and the finale where Katsuki cried because Deku had given up OFA and was going to be quirkless again, and the fact that he was at the heart of the mecha suit years-long project because he wanted Izuku's dream, their dreams, to come true. but tbh I only read them the one time and need to reread the whole manga again to refresh my knowledge. and i already shipped them before all this haha.

they are amazing characters in a really well done shonen manga they have a beautiful story 🧡💚