#but that doesn't mean simon doesn't logically know it

[tamsiblings]

daddy issues.mp3

dsoshshs ok that's not actually JUST what this is about (but it's not not what it's about)

i don't have the words but like. something something defiance of authority and fear and hope and the indomintable human spirit that is simon tam all rolled into one

[dead-flight]

nsfw!streamer!reader x mod!simon (CANON DIVERGENCE) -> anon req

⠀ ⠀⠀ `· . dead-flight .ᐟ masterlist -> REQUESTS OPEN!

simon riley, the good guy he is, is a little bit of a pervert. yeah, he's respectful, but that doesn't mean he won't catch a glance when you let him. you're a popular streamer, and simon's been watching you for years now—he's still your top donator. so when you make a complaint about weird, overly personal comments in your chat, he offers himself up to moderate.

it's just well that it means he gets to see you more. talk you you more. protect you. he slides into your messages, listens to you complain about the people who expect more from you, the creeps, and he promises you it'll be okay.

because it will—you don't know it just yet, but there's no reason to worry at all. not when simon's knife is pressed to the neck of some creep who was trying to dox you. it's only logical that, when the creeps start to go quiet, and you think it's just because of simon's great moderation online, you pay him back.

you get closer, naturally—simon's charming, isn't he? always knows what to say to make you feel better. so you invite him for coffee.

one thing leads to another, and your chat is begging to know who the tattooed arm is as it manhandles you down onto the couch, two thick fingers stuffing inside of you.

...and of course, when he's done, you’re too blissed out to notice how he bans those desperate, parasocial messages, desperately rambling about how their cock would feel so good in you—his would be better, that’s all he knows.

[presepohne]

peaches and wine.

nsfw. Fuckboy!John McTavish x F!Reader [ALTERNATE UNIVERSE]

summary: johnny fucks the sweet innocent bird, just a trailer or intro to the bigger oneshot i'm writing.

warnings: johnny is a filthy man and we love that, the reader is inexperienced asf, virgin, just the reader getting half way naked, mostly for shits and giggles.

note: as i was taking forever for the johnny smut so i posted a small snippet from it.

FULL FIC !

Johnny has seen many men and women in his life, fucked 'em good. Pretty blondes, sassy women, men who could bend him at different angles, women who could step on him, men who would beg for him, women who are sweet and kind, men who are absolutely amazing at their dick game, women who cheated on their husbands, experienced and inexperienced alike.

And gods, he loves women and men both.

But women mostly.

But it bewilders him to see you creep up to him at a party. He knows you, yeah he does. He has seen you lurk at the last benches of the classes, a pen in your mouth or sometimes fiddling with it. You're a good student, great even— top scores always and he admires you for your dedication.

So it comes to him as a shock as you ask him to fuck you, straight up, no bulshit.

Clearly, you are drunk, cheeks flushed pretty as you pouted and fiddled with the hem of your shirt. The shorts looking so fucking good on you and making you ass look so fucking bite-able.

He shakes his head, clearly you're out of your mind. A sweetheart, who has never focused on anything else but her academics asking him to fuck you, without any hesitation.

"Aye lass you sure—"

He just wants to make sure, doesn't wanna take advantage, afterall he's a gentleman fuckboy. He'll ask if you're comfy, he'll make sure consent is consent, hell he'll stop half way naked if you ask him to stop.

But that gets a nervous reaction out of you, lips trembling and lashes damp with tears as you start to stutter, a fumbling mess with words as you try to look away, the soft bloom of red on your cheeks now absolutely flushing you.

That makes him groan, in want. He's trying to think of ten different ways to clam his chubbing up dick down.

Think about her doing maths– that's hot, fuck. Think about Simon– fuck he's hot too, think about Gaz— aye nah mate—

His brows are furrowed as he tries to negotiate with you— "Ay– lass nah me didn't wanne make ye cry–"

But it's already out of the box and you're getting all teary and sobbing so he complies.

He takes you to his apartment, doesn't shove his tongue down your throat— but does squeeze your waist as he leads you to his door— it's a nice place, smells like cheese more than anything. You grimace, but smile at him.

He looks at you, "Should I get ye some water lass?"

"No thank you"

Your head is now drowning in guilt— of using Johnny to lose your virginity. Some sort of pitch black feeling clawing up into the pit you call your stomach— salt already dampening your cheek because—

You are reminded of Simon's words.

Now you know you look all sweet and innocent, kind of a person who would never indulge into such activities, it makes you head spin how easily people fuck each other and give away their body.

It makes you absolutely sick.

But it also makes you feel alienated from your friend circle when they talk about sex, or one night stands. You awkwardly standing and looking here and there to appear nonchalant about the whole sex talk of your group.

It began to get worse everyday when your friends started to coo and coddle you with the tag of the innocent friend. To the point where they wouldn't really take you out— that's bad, that's mean.

Maybe logical too if you tried to squint a little— because honestly you really wouldn't enjoy.

But humiliation plays a bigger role and here you are at Johnny's apartment, fiddling with the buttons of your shirt as you try to undress yourself in a seductive manner failing horribly when you can't unbutton your shirt. Johnny has vanished somewhere in the hallway— you know Simon stays here too.

Simon, that bastard of a man. God's you want to punch him square in his face and maybe break his already crooked nose.

Tears that were on the bay now falling down your cheeks again as you wipe them furiously, recalling his words of dismissing you. Nah, don't do innocent girls like ya sweet'art. And turn around without soaring a second glance.

Johnny is back from god knows where with two popsicles in his hands, honestly he thought of trying to talk you out of it— share something sweet and book you a taxi back to your apartment.

You are half way undressed, bra on the floor, shirt crumpled somewhere along the doorway, your hands on your shorts— clearly unbuttoning it to pull 'em down.

A few minutes might have gone, Johnny gulps, the popsicles melting down his hands as he straightens up. "Ye– ye serious lass?" He's looking like a puppy, too shocked or something– closer to thanking God.

He does, in his head he is reciting prayers in the name of almighty suddenly.

Your skin is so tender, soft to look at and Johnny wonders how it would feel under his hands. Your breasts round and so fucking pretty, nipples perked up because of the cold air of the AC, your shy gaze.

All the fucking sheer will he used to clam his cock down thrown out of the window— (he shoved his dick under the cold tap water, blue balls) and the only thought that consumed him was how many angles would he be able to bend you in and fuck you raw.

You're a shy but squirmy thing now, arms wrapping around your chest instinctively as you look away, a hot blush of red over your skin as you bite your lips nervously, but then again you're more embarrassed and hurt at Simon's rejection than Johnny seeing you naked.

The surge of adrenaline as you look at him again and speak clearly, "John McTavish fuck me" has his blood searing down south.

He whistles, throws the popsicles into the dustbin.

"Aye— as you command mam—"

Oh he's gonna fuck you to oblivion.

[nastybuckybarnes]

Sleepless Nights

Pairing: Ghost X Reader

Summary: Ghost helps his Mouse find a way to sleep throughout the night.

Warnings: Minor angst, language, fluff

Word Count: 1.5K

A/n: Short piece but we still love it. This is for @oh-my-damn

~*~

Simon Riley is a light sleeper.

Hell, all of Task Force 141 is. Most military men are. They need to be, trained to be.

It's only amplified now that he has you by his side. His senses are heightened and he's on more than red alert, ready for the first sign of danger.

He doesn't care if he has to fight an intruder in his balaclava and boxers. He'd do it in a heartbeat for you if it means you get to sleep peacefully. That you're safe.

His sweet little mouse gets to curl herself up in his bed, surrounded by his scent, safe in his arms.

Except she doesn't sleep.

The first night you spent in his room, you didn't sleep. And not because he didn't give you reason to.

Oh, certainly not. Forever a man of his word, he made sure to wear you out thoroughly, until your head was devoid of thoughts and your eyes were glazed over and dreamy.

Yet, even after, you didn't sleep.

Sure, you curled up against him, head snug on his chest - which caught him a little off guard, but he'll never tell you that. But you didn't sleep.

He chalked it up to nerves. It was your first night on base with him, after all, you were probably a little on edge. A little afraid.

Little mouse like you, he can't blame you.

Nor can he blame you the second night.

The third night is a little iffy.

The fourth night, however, he starts to get a little concerned.

Instead of resting your head on his chest the way you do after fucking, you have your back facing him as you trace patterns on the wall silently, watching your fingers in the darkness of the room.

He's behind you but not touching you, sandwiching you safely between his strong body and the firm wall, head propped up on his elbow as he watches you.

He says nothing.

Nor does he say anything the fifth night, though that's when he really starts to worry.

He can feel you fidgeting, hear you sighing... can practically feel you counting down the minutes until his alarm goes off.

Finally, after almost a week of you not sleeping when you're in bed with him, he decides to confront you about it.

You sit on the floor in his quarters sketching absentmindedly in the early hours of the morning while he cleans one of his guns at his desk.

It's a slow morning. Nothing urgent calling him away from you.

You're silent, basking in the comfort you feel in his presence, but you can feel his eyes boring into your forehead.

"Why don't you sleep at night?" He finally asks.

You don't lift your gaze, watching as the pencil dances across the paper, mapping out a familiar scene, a familiar room.

"What?"

He doesn't say anything. He knows you heard and understood the question. He's not going to repeat it.

Finally, you lift your head and meet his gaze for only a moment.

"I don't need sleep at night."

"Bullshit."

You huff, turning around only for him to get up and spin you right back around as if you weigh nothing.

"I do sleep," you protest weakly.

He scoffs, "you must think I'm a right moron if m'gonna believe that. I can feel you up all night, fidgeting, sighing, not sleeping." His voice gets softer and he cups your cheek gently, bare skin warm against your own.

"You need sleep, Mouse. It's been days."

You hate the worry in his eyes.

"I sleep when Ghost is gone," you confess after some time, shrugging as if it's no big deal.

It is a big deal, though. He can see it in your eyes, in the tightness of your shoulders, the way you scratch at the palm of your hand and pick at your fingers.

"Why?" He asks quietly, his gaze dropping for a moment as he tries to figure out the most logical reason. Finally, he lands on the only one he can think of.

"Do you not trust me?"

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't offended, but when you snap your gaze to his and shake your head violently, he feels a little reassured.

"I do!" You exclaim quickly, grabbing his hands tightly and looking up at him with desperate eyes.

"With my life, I trust. I just..." You huff out another sigh and shake your head, embarrassed at what you're about to confess.

"I have... bad dreams. Very bad, they stop my sleep. I... don't want to stop your sleep. So I sleep when you are gone," you whisper.

You feel so small and vulnerable confessing this to him, and you can't stand the way that he just looks at you without speaking for so long.

You pull your hands from his and grab your sketchbook, showing it to him after a moment, hoping the pictures will explain better than your words.

He flips through the pages silently, and it all makes more sense.

There are drawings of small cages, of an angry man's face, of a soft woman and a delicate necklace.

Your home.

"Sometimes dreams... not so bad. But sometimes..." you shiver at the thought of it.

More than once have you woken up in a cold sweat, confused and disoriented and waiting for your father to come back and punish you.

But he never does.

Simon's gaze lingers on the drawing of your mother.

He can see the resemblance. The soft tiredness in her eyes that you seem to be wearing more often than not, the worried line between her brows, the soft curve of her lips.

His eyes slowly pull to yours, softer than they were before.

"You don't need to worry about that with me, little one. I want you to feel safe, even when you're sleeping. And if you wake me up, good. I'd rather that than have you deal with your nightmares alone."

Your lip wobbles and you look away, unsure how to feel, what to say.

But with Simon, you don't need to speak. He seems to understand you better than you can understand yourself.

His arms wrap around you tightly and you sigh, snuggling against him.

You'd be lying if you said you weren't tired.

Yes, you sleep during the day when he's gone, but that's only about 3-4 hours uninterrupted. It's been... too long since you've gotten enough sleep.

But he's going to change that tonight.

You go about your day as usual, sharing breakfast in his office, sketching your thoughts away while he does... whatever it is he does during the day, stopping only when he interrupts you to bring you to have lunch with him and his team.

And then it's more drawing and a warm shower, and then he's bringing you dinner.

As he showers after dinner, you wonder if this new schedule is going to be permanent. If this is what your life is going to be from now on.

All things considered, it's not too bad.

You don't notice him get out of the shower, far too deep in thought.

Oh how drastically your life has changed, and in such a short period of time, too.

"Wha're you thinkin' about over there?" Ghost asks, balaclava covering the top portion of his face.

You bring your eyes up to his, curling your knees up to your chest on the bed and smiling shyly at him.

"Nothing."

He hums, flicking off the light and lying down in bed beside you.

"Doesn't seem like 'nothin'."

He wraps an arm around your waist and wrestles you onto your back, his heart filling with warmth when you giggle wildly.

"Tell me what's on your mind," he whispers, nuzzling his nose into your hair.

You curl up against him, smoothing your hands over his bare chest.

Usually he wears a shirt to bed. A tight one, but a shirt no less. This is a real treat.

You'll never get enough of the feeling of his skin against yours.

Your fingers dance over scars, old wounds and permanent reminders of the life he lives. The life that brought him to you.

"You."

"Oh yeah? What about me?"

You nudge your nose under his jaw, pressing it to his neck and taking deep breaths of his scent.

"I am happy. Because of you," you murmur against his skin, pressing a kiss to the scar just below his collarbone.

He feels light and fluffy inside, like a cloud is forming in his abdomen.

He's tempted to go to medical just to make sure he's okay.

Instead, he squeezes you closer to his body and closes his eyes.

"I'm glad, little one. You make me happy."

You sigh happily against his neck, your lids growing heavier the longer you stay curled against him.

It doesn't take long for you to fall asleep, and Simon feels pride blossom in his chest.

Not only do you fall asleep in his arms, but you also stay asleep. For the entire night.

He's not sure if it's the skin-to-skin contact or the way he's cradling you to his chest like you're his lifeline, but whatever it is, he plans on doing it every night from now until forever.

He lets his own lids fall closed, and then he's slowly falling into a light sleep with you in his arms.

And it's the best sleep he's had in years.

[sky-is-the-limit]

How Task Force 141 would react in a real argument with their partner (they're in the right):

Captain Price:

The way Price gets mad at you is calm, serious, and controlled. If you are looking for a shout match, you're not gonna get it with him. He doesn’t believe in yelling or making a scene, he's too old for that.

Instead, when things get heated, he quietly tells you that he’s going to step out, giving you both time to cool down and think. Usually, he heads to the pub nearby, has a drink (or two) and lets the anger settle before coming back to talk things out. It’s his way of making sure neither of you says something you’ll regret even if it means leaving you to deal in your own frustration for a while. It doesn't last long though.

❁❁❁❁

"This isn’t helping, love." Price says, tone steady despite the obvious tension. "I’m stepping out for a bit." He grabs his jacket and you can see the disappointment in his eyes. "I’ll be at the pub, just need some time to think. You should do the same." He pauses at the door, looking back at you with a flash of concern and frustration in his eyes. "We’ll talk when I get back, yeah?" The door closes behind him, leaving you in the quiet of the room.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick:

When Kyle gets mad, the laid-back, chill guy you know disappears. He becomes sarcastic and cynical, his words sharp and his patience terribly thin. He might roll his eyes or make you feel like your emotions are over the top, dismissing them with what he thinks is logic (according to him, of course). It’s not that he doesn’t care or he wants to upset you on purpose but when he feels like you’re not getting his point, his frustration turns into biting remarks that cut deep.

❁❁❁❁

"Oh, that’s rich-" Kyle says, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Because clearly, I’m the one who’s being unreasonable here, right?" He crosses his arms, shaking his head in disbelief. "If you actually listened to what I’m saying, you’d see how ridiculous this all sounds." His words hit you hard and the sting of them makes you want to shout back, even to break something but he’s already turned away, muttering under his breath before heading into a different room.

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish:

When Johnny is really mad, he goes completely silent. Your cheerful, talkative boyfriend just shuts down. He won’t talk, won’t argue. He just ignores you, burying himself in video games or working out until he’s too tired to keep his eyes open. He thinks it’s better to stay quiet than risk saying something he can’t take back but the silence is worse than any argument and in his ignorance, he makes you feel like you don’t even exist.

❁❁❁❁

"Johnny, can we please talk?" You ask, watching him pick up the game controller. He doesn’t answer, his eyes fixed on the screen. The silence is deafening, each minute that passes only making the knot in your chest tighter. "Johnny…" Still nothing. Hours pass like this and when he finally puts down the controller, he heads straight to bed. "I’m knackered." He mutters, not even looking at you. "We’ll talk tomorrow." But you know that tomorrow might just be the same unless you can find it in you to apologise first and make up before bed.

Simon "Ghost" Riley:

When Simon gets mad, he goes back into the defensive man with trust issues you first met. He never raises his voice nor lets the argument last long. Instead, he becomes cold and distant and his usual quietness turns into a wall that you can't break through. He’ll say things that remind you of past mistakes, making you feel guilty whether you're in the right or wrong. His bitterness makes it hard to reach him and it feels like no matter what you say, he won’t budge. Stubborn bastard.

❁❁❁❁

"You think I can just forget what you said?" Simon is monotonic but there’s a harshness underneath his tone that makes you wince. "Words like that… they stick. You can’t just take them back." His eyes are cold, arms crossed tightly over his chest as he looks at you without a hint of his usual softness. "Maybe you should calm down before this gets any worse." He doesn’t move or change his expression, just stares at you blankly, making you feel shut out.

[differenteagletragedy]

A loose continuation of this little thing where you love Simon and Simon loves you too but he also loved Johnny :')

Simon keeps some of Johnny's ashes in a tiny little vial that you pretend you don't know about. Most of the time he keeps it in a box in his nightstand, sometimes you catch him sitting on the bed you share, twirling it in his hands, lost in some memory you'll never know.

You tell yourself it doesn't bother you, knowing even as the notion crosses your mind that it's a lie.

It's not that Simon tries to be deceptive about it, or about anything, it's just that he doesn't like to talk about it at all. He'd told you when things started getting serious between you that he had a lost love, a soldier that fought and died beside him, and as time went on, you got more glimpses.

You learn, in quick little bursts, just how much Johnny meant to him. He tells you offhandedly some funny thing he said on some mission down in Mexico. There's some passing remark when winter comes about how much he'd loved the snow. During one shopping trip, when Simon spends a little too long looking at a blue t-shirt, his hands, holding it up and some far away look in his eye, you think you get an idea of what color his eyes were.

And you try to be patient. You'd love nothing more than to be understanding, and logically, you do understand it. You know that human beings are complex, that a person is capable of loving more than one person in their lifetime. It doesn't matter that if Johnny were still alive, Simon wouldn't be with you -- you don't want that to matter, because it's not the reality.

But still, it feels real. It's a real pain, deep and aching and persistent. It makes you wish you didn't love Simon so damn much, because maybe then it would be easier to look past all this.

Sometimes, when it throbs, the pain makes you mean.

"I'm right here, Simon," you tell him on a bad day.

"I can see that," he responds, willingly ignoring the weight behind your words, and it sets you off.

Your voice rises, shrill and cutting, as you say, "He's dead, Simon. I know you loved him, but he's dead."

His eyes go flat, the warmth in the brown seeping away and leaving two dark pits in its place. But it's not scary. It's just nothing.

"Look," you start again, willing your voice to steady, "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be mean, but if you want to be with me, then I'm gonna need you to actually be with me. Because the way it is now ..."

"I give you all I can."

It's a quiet truth. Another handful of small words that are enough to rip you wide open.

Part Three

[dreameralive]

i think one of the most noteworthy things about Blaise that i haven't really seen anyone discuss is his tendency to liken others to children, his weaponization of it, its relation to him being a child abuser, and its relation to his defeat.

one of his first lines of dialogue, before he even introduces himself, is him humiliating Franziska by calling her 'little von Karma', and then bringing up something retroactively embarrassing she did as a little girl.

he frames this as genuine nostalgia, but to me, it's pretty clear this was a purposeful, and almost sadistic, powerplay.

there's also these lines. these aren't too strange, out of context - "let's all play nice" is a relatively common phrase, and in the second screenshot where he's discussing Kay and Edgeworth's friendship, they are literally youths (well, compared to him). but in context, it's clear that this is part of him attempting to assert his dominance over everyone else.

he wants to let everyone know that he is the adult here, and all they are is children - and thereby, they are completely powerless to his end-all authority, so they shouldn't even bother attempting to resist. this is further emphasized during his logic chess segment.

he calls Edgeworth 'my boy', he reminds him that he is his 'senior in life', he tells him he's being naïve. he threatens to never give back his prosecutors badge if he doesn't stop trying to question his authority. he asks him, mockingly, if he's scared. then, while grinning, he tells him that there is nothing he can do, and he should give up already.

he once again, more blatantly this time, is attempting to force someone else into accepting that they are the weaker party and that he could do anything he pleased to them, and once again, he is weaponizing the societal power imbalance between a child and an adult to do so.

i could go on and on for a while with more examples of this, but then that would make this post really long and rambly. so, instead, i'm going to discuss what his behavior ultimately results in.

this is probably one of the most disturbing interactions in Ace Attorney.

he does this purely so Sebastian will feel humiliated and ashamed in front of his colleagues, people he respects and who in turn are supposed to respect him. he does this to remind Sebastian that he is his father, and Sebastian is his child. to Blaise, that means he has complete control over him. and until this point? he actually does.

he has controlled every aspect of Sebastian's life to be exactly how he wants it. his path in life, his school, his tests - even Sebastian's constant usage of his surname serves as a reminder that Sebastian's only purpose to his father is to be an extension of him, a tool to feed into his ego. an object. something he owns.

note how, in their sprites, Sebastian is typically tilting his head slightly downwards, and in his crying sprites, he's leaning down. meanwhile Blaise stands high, and in his grinning sprites, his head is tilted up, as to literally look down on the person he's talking to.

but in the end, right before Blaise is convicted, right as Blaise tells him he should just remain his idiot son, Sebastian is looking up as he tells him goodbye. a way of saying that he's not beneath him, and he won't let him act like it anymore.

Blaise is immediately infuriated by this, and says all you've ever been able to do is depend on me. he screams Sebastian's name in anger - but it's cut off.

in fact, there is no more dialogue from Blaise after this. because he has no more authority, no more ability to scare Sebastian or anyone else into submission. in the end, Sebastian has finally taken back his autonomy that Blaise has robbed him of. so has Kay. so has Simon. all of them are children he has mistreated, threatened, and jerked around for his own selfish gain, but ultimately, they all still have more power over their own lives than he ever will again.

there's a lot more i could say on this, but these are all my thoughts i could organize. thanks for reading.

[johannesviii]

Two months ago I wanted to comment on trauma-express' excellent post about the more or less one-way emotional support dynamic between Grace and Simon, but then I realised that it wasn't polite to hijack a post, and that I had far too much to say about these two idiots. And by the time I decided to make my own post, the thing had turned into a fucking essay. Then the essay developed branches and turned into a mini-thesis on the main characters of Book 3. At this point the thing is like 20 pages long, so I’m going to divide it between several posts because it’s going to be unreadable otherwise. I don't know when I'll post the other parts. but yeah

So here's a part I'd like to call

On the nature of leadership

Grace and Simon have fundamentally different ways of seeing what it means to "be the leader", and each is, in my opinion, a direct consequence of their stubbornness in developing their toxic traits and defining themselves by their problems rather than solving them. And each is also visible very early on in Book 3, way before everything starts going completely awry

Grace obviously cares about all these lost children. But given her behaviour in Book 2 and throughout the first episode of Book 3, I think her central problem, this lack of affection and recognition that makes her do anything to get attention, has led her to conflate "attention" with "affection". For her, being the leader means being admired, being the centre of attention, having total control over other people, and never, ever being neglected.

To be admired, and therefore in her logic, loved, she quickly discovered that the easiest way was to lie, consciously or not, so as to appear to always know what she was doing, and to always look like the one who is right and who knows how things work. She built an entire cult out of it, and it seems to be almost by accident! It was simply the most effective way to get attention, to be surrounded by a lot of people, and to have total control over them.

It clearly puts a massive amount of pressure on her. It’s no coincidence if that golden mask is a recurring motif with her - she’s constantly trying to keep the illusion intact, and in turn, it prevents her from examining her own issues too closely. We literally know her by that mask before we even know her face or her name in Book 2. It defines her, and it defines her vision of what she has to do as a leader.

And we see in episode 4 that it makes it really hard for her to talk about how she really feels, because she’s afraid people won’t see her as the leader anymore, and by her own logic, neglect her. She's genuinely scared to show any kind of vulnerability, even for only a couple of minutes, and even if it's only to her best friend. It breaks my heart

By contrast, among the Apex, Simon is clearly less popular than Grace, judging by Lucy's attitude in episode 1. I'm under the impression they go to Grace first when they have a question or need something, and don't interact directly with Simon that much. He's not interested in being admired or popular, it seems.

Instead, he clearly has an interest in anything resembling rule systems (he quotes protocols regularly and episode 2 implies that he writes a lot of them) and pseudo-militaristic structures - he too wants to feel like he's in control of everything, but in a very different way. He wants to follow the rules, and he wants to be right because he's following them.

My guess is that his central problem, this need to be right all the time, was fully validated when Grace was the leader, so he didn't actively want to take her place. For him, the leader is the one who is always right, and who doesn't break the rules. And she was exactly that person for him, so he didn’t mind her being the boss – if anything, he liked it because he didn’t have to make choices, something that clearly stresses him out.

When you're insecure and under the impression (regardless of it being correct or not) that you're in perpetual survival mode, following strict rules and having someone else who calls the shots for you according to the same rules feels really safe. It feels validating, too. I've been there. I mean just look at his stupid smirk whenever Grace confirms he's right about something

So basically in one corner we have someone who thinks being a leader is being admired, and who does that by pretending she knows how everything works and that she's always right - and in the other corner, we have someone who thinks being a leader is, in fact, being always right, and who admires anyone who he perceives to be like that.

The thing is, because they both seek validation in these two completely complementary ways, they created another negative feedback loop (I’ve talked about the cycle of abuse they both perpetuate in this other post) that was slowly but surely turning them into the worst possible versions of themselves

[astrronomemes]

THE SECRET HISTORY: STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 1992 novel The Secret History by Donna Tartt. change & alter as needed.

"I suppose, at one time in my life, I might have had any number of stories, but now there is no other. This is the only story I will ever be able to tell."

"If there's one thing I'm good at, it's lying on my feet. It's a sort of gift I have."

"I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive."

"He can't be all that elitist if he accepted me."

"Well, if he doesn't know, I'm not going to tell him."

"No person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us."

"Bloody, terrible things are sometimes the most beautiful."

"Let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones... then spit us out, reborn."

"I mean to say, [name] is a handsome fellow and a sterling character, but I wouldn't want to marry him, would I?"

"You had better watch out. I've heard some weird shit about those people."

"You're always saying that, [name], but I just don't think it's true."

"[Name], put me down. I'm bleeding all over you."

"You shouldn't push your friends away like that. The best friends you'll ever have are the ones you're making right now."

"I told you, I don't have any friends here."

"I think it's good to change the place where one sleeps from time to time. It gives one more interesting dreams."

"I mean, he's not what you think. Or what [name] thinks, or anybody else. For a while there, he had me fooled but good."

"The appeal to stop being yourself, even for a little while, is very great."

"You're being so nice about this. I feel awfully embarrassed by the whole thing."

"Well, you may or may not know this, but [name] is a little jealous of you."

"Jesus, [name], you know everything. You make me sick."

"They say the same about arsenic, but I wouldn't like to try it."

"Anything I do will be dangerous, you know."

"What do you and [name] need a secret code for?"

"A person can do an awful lot of talking in twelve hours."

"If we keep it as casual as possible, no one will give us a second glance. People don't pay attention to ninety percent of what they see."

"Really, there's nothing to worry about. It seems risky, but if you look at it logically, it couldn't be safer."

"Who do you think [name] would be more apt to believe?"

"Forgive me for being blunt, but if you think you have any influence over [name], you're sadly mistaken. He's not particularly fond of you, and if I may speak plainly, he never has been."

"There were some things you had to know, I suppose, but I feel I've done you a disservice by involving you this far."

"What is unthinkable is undoable."

"Anyway, you want to come to this party?"

"You idiot. Did you know your shirt is on inside out?"

"I had a dream tonight. You were in it."

"I need more than coffee."

"I'm embarrassed that people will think we went to see such bad movies."

"He knows we're lying. He just doesn't know what we're lying about."

"I prefer to think of it as a redistribution of matter."

"These guys will chop you up and put you in a garbage bag for twenty bucks."

"You know, we've done a terrible thing."

"You know, I'm really not attracted to you."

"Anything is grand if it's done on a large enough scale."

"You look as if you were in a barroom brawl."

"People get upset, all of a sudden they want to listen to old hippie garbage they would never listen to if they were in their right mind. When my cat died, I had to go out and borrow all these Simon & Garfunkel records."

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask, what did you do to your eye?"

"Murder is pollution. The murderer defiles everyone he comes into contact with. And the only way to purify blood is through blood."

"You amaze me. You think nothing exists if you can't see it."

"He loved you, too. He would have wanted you to know that. You know that, don't you, dear?"

"Do you think I should go to the hospital?"

"I didn't take anything. You know very well I didn't."

"I would've told them anything if I thought they'd send me home."

"I mean, I've been drinking a bit more than I should. I'm the first to admit that."

"I never brought your name up, man. I hardly fucking know you. But they got it from somewhere. And it wasn't from me."

"Look at [name]. Don't you just love him? If he called me up and asked me to marry him, I would do it in, like, one second."

"Is death really so terrible a thing? It seems terrible to you, because you are young, but who is to say he is not better off now than you are? Or — if death is a journey to another place — that you will not see him again?"

"I'm not taking sides. I just think whatever you're doing, you picked a bad time to do it."

"[Name], it's none of my business, but I hope for God's sake you know what you're doing."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you have to make things so hard for everybody?!"

"You don't feel a great deal of emotion for other people, do you?"

"My life, for the most part, has been very stale and colorless. Dead, I mean. The world has always been an empty place to me."

"I know I said earlier that he was perfect, but he wasn't perfect. Far from it — he could be silly and vain and remote and often cruel, and still, we loved him, in spite of, because."

"Flesh and blood are frail and weak, and there comes a time when we have to transcend our teachers."

"I loved him more than my own father. I loved him more than anyone in the world."

"I don't care what happens to him. I don't care if he dies. I wish he was dead."

"[Name] can't hurt you. You're perfectly safe out here."

"Kidnap is not the word that I would use."

"So, you've come to kill me?"

"If you want to shoot me, [name], go ahead and do it. It'll be the stupidest thing you ever did in your life."

"The stupidest thing I ever did in my life was listening to you."

"I managed to get out of taking my French exams next week, due to the very excellent excuse of having a gunshot wound to the stomach."

"Forgive me, for all the things I did, but mostly for the ones I did not."

"You know, everybody is saying that you're dead."

"Are you happy here?"

[skibasyndrome]

why are your kinktober stories all bottom Simon heavy? I trusted we would see more bottom Wille from you /gen

Anon, up front, genuinely sorry if you meant well and are now about to get the brunt of my frustration that I've built up for over a decade of existing in fandoms and fanfic spaces surrounding queer men and their sex.

Ooookay, I try not to engage in this discourse normally because frankly? It's kinda draining, because the way queer men's sex lifes are picked apart in lots of online spaces is not okay and, frankly, hurtful. But, okay:

I have posted 10 of 31 stories

I intentionally don't tag any of my smut as top!/bottom! anything (tho I don't mind other writers doing it - go off) cause frankly? I don't believe that's something that should matter. It doesn't to me when I think of wilmon. Preferences are fine, cool, awesome, both irl and in reading, there are couples who like to do things one way only and there are couples who mix things up and there's lots of stuff in between. People love to bottom! People love to top! People love any- and everything in between and that is great for them. All of that is fun and cool and absolutely awesome if everyone involved is on board. I simply don't have any one way I headcanon wilmon, I literally just go with whatever the vibe is. That also means I don't believe in having to strike a 50/50 balance or whatever. Also because

sex between men (and, since in one of the stories Wille is a trans woman, between all people, for that matter) is about more than anal and/or penetration. I love to read and write about Wille bottoming, love to write and read about Simon bottoming. But that's noooooot all there is. One thing I do try to do with my smut is write about some of the other ways sex can look. Which includes (mutual) masturbation, hand jobs, blow jobs, intercrural, frottage, a myriad of other acts. All of these are fullfilling ways of having sex, all of these don't follow top/bottom "logic" or whatever you'd like to call it. So what do we do about that?

I know some people - not saying you do, this, anon - like to conflate topping and bottoming with power dynamics, be it sub/dom type of stuff, or just... some vague idea of who is superior or whatever. And that very much CAN be the case, I'd argue Wille bottoming in my vampire fic or even Wille during the wax play in the one fic and the intercrural afterwards is definitely bordering sub-y territory. But you know? That also very much doesn't have to be the case. In the fic that includes 69 it's Simon "calling the shots" or whatever you'd like to call it, despite being the one that's being penetrated. I have fics planned out where the opposite is the case, I have plenty of fics where bottoming doesn't have anything to do about being sub or being dom or anything like that. I think there's this idea going around that somehow, (gay) sex acts are linked to power and power exchange and that there needs to be some equilibrium or... justice??? And. No. That's not how consensual sex, be it in relationships or hookups, works in my mind. In consensual sex, there is no disadvantage in bottoming or no need for any of the partners to bottom to fix some sort of hierarchy. Because there is none. Not in the consensual sex of two (or more) partners that want to have sex to have a good time or feel close or relax or any of the other reasons people have sex.

Fair question to ask, just know that I don't write bottom anything for the sake of making a point, I just write whatever feels like the characters would enjoy it in that particular moment in time, whatever suits the POV I wanna go with. I don't keep a tally of times penetrative sex has been part of a story and who did what. If that's a no-go for you, that's fine and I won't hold it against you. I have a bunch more stories coming up with all kinds of dynamics, all kinds of sex acts, all kinds of differently written versions of our two blorbos.

hope this was concise enough and I recognize that I've definitely put all kinds of other, adjacent, points into this, but this gay man right here is kind of fucking sick and tired of seeing stuff assigned to gay sex acts that are just. sex between consenting partners

[scivors]

I LOVE how you describe Simon. I can't explain it, but I think you're the first person in this fandom who has described exactly how a person with depression acts and it's strangely melancholic and comforting to me. Could you write something about Sick Simon? I'm tired of people giving more attention to Book Simon because he's the "edgy" version of Simon or something. I like to imagine that Simon gained a little weight after his accident but I suppose that might be unrealistic since this guy probably didn't even feel like eating before the accident, let alone after. But hey, write it your way. I just want him to get some love :(( (And he looks cuter/prettier with a beard for me, honestly. I imagine his beard tickling when he kisses you 💔)

Writers note (skip if you must): For me, representation means everything and how I write a character with mental illness. This can be tricky considering that I'm writing about mental illness from my perspective or with my experience with an individual with the exact same mental struggles etc. I can say I'm really trying to empathise with the person and try to understand them from a different point of perspective. But when writing a character with mental illness IN a relationship then I'm not gonna go straight into fluff but instead I'm gonna write the consequences and the struggles of dating someone who suffers with such, to really help people understand that characters with mental illness are PEOPLE with REAL LIFE mental illnesses and there will be some chaos in that relationship. So, I'm gonna have to end this note by thanking you for this message and I'm glad I was able to get something out of my writing.. My goal is to make people feel seen and heard (fluff is my biggest enemy but I somehow manage to make it work). ❤️❤️

- Mika, Mikayla Winters.

(CHUBBY SIMON, CHUBBY SIMON, YES YES YES)

Sick! Simon Henriksson headcanons

To go back to the chubby part, Simon is the type to be skinny fat. He has the normal body type, just some parts of his body has some fat on it (example: baby face, arms, love handles, stomach etc.) Average body type for a 19 year old suffering with depression.

(I have this headcanon that the reason why he can't run for too long is that he's not very athletic,..he gets tired pretty quickly.)

This is after his accident and he became crippled. He's constantly in his room contemplating his life and where it has come to.

Medication and pills are his biggest enemy. The taste of laboratory drugs even if it was a big part of his life, he'll never get used to it..

(but he can pick up a dirty syringe from the ground and inject it into his scars. He has no logic..)

The nurses actually took care of his scars, though his scars were infected from all the bacteria (probably from the syringe). They tried their best to clean his arms with gentle care. He zones out most of the time so he doesn't necessarily mind it.

He lost track of time. He noticed his beard growing out and the dark circles under his eyes becoming more noticeable. However judging his situation I don't think he'd get much sleep when he's sick + the bed is uncomfortable + the other mentally ill people are screaming their lungs out.

Even though it's not his fault, he keeps thinking maybe if he’d done something differently, he wouldn’t have ended up like this. There's guilt. Especially if others try to care for him. He hates when people care for him..(+bonus the other fluff headcanons where I mention him not being the best with opening up).

I don't know if y'all noticed but Simon likes to make some really dark jokes sometimes. I think it's some form of coping mechanisms to ease the situation to not make it appear as serious.

In an effort to ease the awkwardness, Simon will make dark, dry jokes about his condition. Not because he thinks it’s funny, but because it’s the only way he knows how to cope. Something like that.

To go back to the part where he doesn't like people helping him. He gets defensive this time.

Someone tries to open a door for him, and he snaps: “I’ve got it.” and he can do it himself, of course. The moment passes awkwardly. He didn’t mean to lash out. But it’s that damn feeling of helplessness again.

There are times when he gets the chance to have a moment outside of the mental hospital, just not FAR AWAY from the mental hospital. He'd be outside having a smoke and zoning out at the times while he's out.

What about cleaning himself?

When it's time to take a bath he feels so uncomfortable that someone (a nurse) has to watch him during this vulnerable moment, he tries his best to avoid eye contact at all cost however this is so that he doesn't get any ideas.

He politely asks with an anxious tone "Can..I...Can I have some alone time, please?" He looks at the nurse that had all her focus on the magazine in her hands.

The nurse took the time to take her focus off from the magazine, she lifts her head up, looking at Simon with a smiles before taking a short pause to think about it. Not long, but enough for him to feel the doubt. His eyes are fixed somewhere near the sink, anywhere but at her.

“Simon,” she says softly, “I want to respect your space. But I also need to make sure you’re safe."

He likes to sink into the water. He’ll slide down into the water until only his nose is above the surface.

"Great. Fucking. Great."

(to be continued?)

This is short, for now :)..

[bunybunn]

it's so blatantly obvious how hypocritical dream is being with the situation that's been unfolding the past few days because like??? "i hate when people make false allegations of me without evidence" and then accuses tommy of child labour without evidence? tells sarah simons that he doesn't want her to be attacked but does nothing to stop his fans?? i've noticed you're very articulate and perceptive regarding this so i wanted to ask. HOW and WHY do dream stans keep supporting him like i truly cannot fathom how 😭😭😭😭 best wishes from someone who enjoys your posts a lot

Why and how is pretty easy, they don't want to listen to anything that would mean that they are not in the right by supporting Dream and they also have Dream providing them excuses. Viewers tend to mirror their favourite content creators after all.

Although to be fair it's something you actually see with fans of any person that turned out to be an asshole or just literally a criminal. The idea is to grab whatever excuse they can to justify why they refuse to stop their support. Think about that one Wilbur's fan saying that the biting was consensual therefore it doesn't count. If you know the situation and use your logic you should realize how insane that was to say by that person.

Dream stans are especially fascinating since Dream is feeding in to the idea of parasocial relationship with his fans. He made a phone number his fans could text and Snapchat account that allowed them to communicate with him and feel like they were closer than they were. Then you have they way Dream was responding to both fans and people who criticized him on Twitter. This makes it easy to trust him and be devoted to him.

The second important thing is that Dream makes himself sound logical so if you don't have any other context and he and/or his friend group is all someone is watching it's easy to take his words. Additionally he often makes himself a victim by saying that everyone else are either lying or attacking him. The us vs them mentally can make a perfect excuse to ignore any arguments that don't fit the narrative they know.

Of course not all Dream stans are the same, I feel like with the reputation that his fans have it became welcoming to group of people who don't need convincing, for example during dsmp it was a perfect place for abuse apologist. In case of people like that they simply resonate with his arguments and don't see how he could be wrong.

I believe that it is likely that Dream enjoys having fans like that as it means he don't really have to take responsibility and still be see as the good guy in those people eyes at least.

[twilightofthesandwiches]

Okay, you know what, let's talk a little bit more about Simon Petrikov's ears

I already made a silly little post pointing out how the Winter King is drawn with visible ears, while Mainverse Simon is always drawn without them.

And I've gotten a few replies on that post saying that it's probably just a difference in hairstyle. Y'know, the Winter King tacks his hair behind his ears, Simon doesn't. But... I don't think that works if you look at Simon's design. I mean, it does seem to be the case if you look at this one screenshot I here - but usually....

Simon Petrikov's little glasses are very helpful here, because they literally form a line with where his ears should be, and you can see that his hair typically ends just above that point and no matter how much he turns his head there are no ears.

In a back shot you can even see where his glasses handle end, and there's no ears anywhere to actually hold them.

(this is also true when he's Ice King btw)

It's kind of a Whole Thing. The Adventure Time artstyle has some general guidelines of how to draw humanoids' face, but it's fully willing to break them to make someone more goofy and distinctive. Like, some characters having noses or more detailed eyes or even lips. And ears are already kind of a Weird Subject considering how many AT characters wear hair/hats in a way that hides their ears anyways.

Princess Bubblegum is another earless characters, but it's actually pretty hard to notice because most of her hairstyle obscure her Perfectly Spherical Head.

But she's like, Made of Gum, so it's less Weird for her to be earless compared to Simon Petrikov who's meant to be a Perfectly Normal Human Man.

(although Prince Gumball somehow does have ears. Even when he IS in his Magic Candy Form)

(Which is like... lowkey Weird. But still, Magic Candy People's physiologically can be whatever)

Meanwhile, ears IS something pretty consistently drawn for human Adventure Time characters. So it is pretty weird Simon doesn't seem to have them. It's probably a matter of, like, Simon being one of the first not-Finn Human characters added to Adventure Time and with the aforementioned matter of most characters not having their ears/lack of ears visible either way they weren't really sure of how Humans should look in the AT style at that point.

Or maybe they wanted to keep it consistent with Ice King's "Loyalty to the King" look and decided that a Magic Evil Crown that makes your ears fall off is a step too far. Or maybe having his ears hidden by his hair is what was originally intended in his design, but was misinterpreted as being straight-up earless so consistently by the shortboarders and animators it eventually just became his canon look.

But I think also... characters having certain non-typical facial features on Adventure Time is generally an indication that they're particularly prominent. So characters who are drawn with noses generally have large noses. The smaller a facial feature is, the more likely it is to get simplified into nothing.

Therefore, looking at it from an in-universe perspective, I think the most logical conclusion is that Simon Petrikov is not straight-up literally earless - he just has weird freakishly-small ears

And the Winter King was so insecure about them he literally enlarged them with magic.

[sunny-daze-ahead]

so.

in fandoms I have this habit of just drifting in and out of them on my own leisure, occasionally getting incredibly obsessed with something and then drifting away as something new caught my attention, almost never interacting with the source material.

this means that I often do not see updates or events or whatnot for a long, long time until I eventually cycle back to that particular fandom.

what I'm getting to here is that I just learned about the official localisation of aai2. more than 6 months late. here are my reactions (to some of them, at least).

Justine Courtney as Verity Gavèlle: it's nice, it's pretty, it's elegant, but I can't help but think that she doesn't look like a Verity. Idk it's a great name but she just doesn't give off Verity vibes to me. Gavèlle is a fantastic last name though

Raymond Shields as Eddie Fender: it's alright. I don't outright hate it or anything. the pun seems a bit on the nose but while I'm attached to Ray I could probably grow to like Eddie.

Sebastian Debeste as Eustace Winner: They slaughtered my boy. Look it's a great pun and all but that's Sebby, Debeste boy in the world. You might as well have just made me watch as you shot him in cold blood.

Simon Keyes as Simeon Saint: I have no logical reason for it but I just like Simon Keyes better. Who knows though, Simeon may grow on me.

John Marsh as Shaun Fenn: I like this one, actually. I really liked him as a character when I first saw him but John Marsh just didn't stick in the brain memorably enough. I especially like the last name.

[dreaming-hibi]

In this rant I will—

I read something that made me think quite a lot the other day but, if you ask me what it was, well, I wouldn't be able tell you because I forgot. What I can say is that: I'm about to rant on KHR again.

Unsurprisingly, the rant is about our dear protagonist Tsuna (my love for Tsuna is both logical and personal, so let's not go there). I don't interact enough with fandom to make statements like "Most people do" and "Most people don't" — in reality, I've barely interacted with more than 5 people who know this manga in my life. Anyway, of those people, I remember some who were frustrated with the childishness and indecisiveness of the characters, especially someone like Tsuna.

Like, what?

It is only years laters that I finally have the composure to answer this claim with calmness.

"Tsuna is indecisive and childish."

First of all, how can anyone expect a 14 year old to know exactly what they want to do with their lives? Heck, there are some people that only figure out what they want in their 30s, if not later! And some others that never do and live their life trying to make every day count. How is a 14 year old, who had never been entrusted with any kind of expectation, just supposed to know?

Oh, is it because Naruto knew he wanted to be Hokage at 12 years old? Or because Deku was firm in his conviction that he wanted to be a hero at the age of 5? Or again because Edward Elric decided he was going to be a state alchemist and achieved so at the age of 12 years old?

Well, if that's the point of reference then, actually, Tsuna is the most realistic teenager I've seen in a shonen manga with fantastical elements and Amano-sensei did a wonderful job with her teenage (and child) characters. She sure as hell hasn't forgotten what it means to be 14 years old, unlike some people.

Furthermore, Tsuna is a teenager trying to tell what is very much an adult, who has shot him on more than one occasion for trying to oppose him (granted, I know Reborn did it knowing Tsuna could overcome whatever he threw at him and he seemed ready to intervene should it ever seem like Tsuna couldn't do it, it still doesn't change the fact that beginning Tsuna was actively terrified of this baby killing him on accident), that he does not want to be the boss of a mafia family he has, realistically, no obligation towards. Tsuna, at the very least, knows what he doesn't want, and he's vocal about it to Reborn... It's just that Reborn wants to hear none of it.

[Chapter 283 "Simon Middle School", Tsuna telling Reborn that he has no intention of becoming the boss of a mafia family and that he doesn't want to be involved with the mafia anymore.]

If you see Tsuna as childish for the way he keeps insisting that he doesn't want to be part of the mafia, is because you have forgotten what it's like to be 14 years old. Tsuna is not childish in his desire to not want to be involved in the mafia.

Actually, this issue lies in the reader (apart from the whole having forgotten what it feels like to be 14 years old) and in Amano-sensei's representation of the mafia. In Katekyo Hitman Reborn, we see a mafia that has been severely toned down from what it truly is. For us, this "mafia" is interesting, fascinating and, we do not see any problems with Tsuna joining it. After all, "if this is the x, then sign me the fuck up!" right?

Well, no.

Fictional mafia or not, Tsuna shouldn't be forced to join any of it when he doesn't want. Like, it seems like Tsuna is the only one seeing KHR's mafia without the rainbow-tinted glasses. I don't know how the boy does it, because we barely ever see KHR's mafia as being anywhere near as bad as the real mafia is, but Tsuna does anyway and he's right in no wanting any part of it.

I support Tsuna not becoming Vongola Decimo. But I also admit I have no idea what that boy could become if not the boss of the strongest mafia family.

We are introduced to a Tsuna who has no particular life skill, nor any particular hobbies — in fact, that's why he cannot understand Yamamoto's suicidal act in chapter 5, because he himself admits he has NOTHING he ever felt passionate about enough to take his own life.

Though Tsuna gets trained on how to fight, by the end of the manga he still has no life skills to talk about and, that's completely normal. He fought those battles because he HAD to. Those battles did nothing to enrichen his everyday skills.

Yeah, sure, he can go into Hyper Dying Will Mode, but how is HDWM gonna help him pass his algebra exam?

Tsuna needs a hobby outside of the mafia.

[forestshadow-wolf]

Thinking about your post about soapghost settling their arguments by fighting it out: one day they have an argument about something serious, some sort of major life decision (retirement, marriage, kids, something like that and really the only reason its an argument is because one of them is scared shitless by the idea) and it ends up on the mats with them yelling arguments about why it is/isn't a good idea until one of them just stares at their partner who is yelling passionately about the life they could have together and just... let's himself get pinned.

👀 did I do good?

thankyou for this ask !!!! this actually rots my frickin' brain and I needed an excuse to write more for this using this ask to force the arguments post into my girl-dad au, but doesn't have to be read that way.

P.s. this is a long one. Imma put ot under the cut

I imagine, way way before they retired, they had married and long-since agreed to retire together.

they'd fought about retiring. Ghost didn't mind the idea of it, was waiting for it to happen actually. but soap, he had quite a few hang-ups about it. see, he'd joined the army at an early age, as soon as he was legal, which means he doesn't really have any civilian life experience. what if he's not ready, what is it doesn't work for him, what if he can't do it, what if, what if, what if...

they argued, it was one of the first BIG arguments they'd ever had. but it's fine, they had a system. they get one day to resolve it with words, if they can't solve it, they take it to the mats. the logic is if you really believe in your argument, then you'll fight defend it adequately.

it was evident when they ended up on the mats on the second day that they hadn't resolved it. There was a mutual apoken agreement that they don'ttake the argumentoff the mats once it entered. they traded blows just as frequently as they traded arguments.

hours later they were panting and exhausted, and still hadn't come to an agreement, and nor had either of them won. so for the first time ever, they had to put the argument on pause. the put it aside for the night, cleaned up, had dinner, and fell asleep in each other's arms. the next morning they were back on the mats.

there was some point, when they were locked shoulder to shoulder, sweat making their skin stick together, and they were too out of breath to hiss arguments at each other. there was a moment where soap could hear Ghost's breath come out shaky with exertion, but still he pushed harder. soap realized that this, Simon retiring with his Johnny, was really truly important to Ghost.

it's not like he didn't know that, but still, the revelation almost makes him falter. suddenly it's like every argument he made against it, became irrelevant. he breaks away from Ghost's hold, panting. in a brash decision he dives for Ghost's legs, he knows what follows will be a grab around his waist just before his back slams into the mat. the sound that reverberates through the heated, sweaty air is, however, surprisingly loud. he lays there, gasping for the breath that got knocked out of him, and lets Ghost pin him down.

After soap finally agreed to retire with Ghost one day, he starts thinking about it. Really thinking. About how he grew up in a large family, and even in the military his life has been revolving around moving parts and people. He thinks maybe he might want a kid or two, not as many as his parents, but one or two.

Ghost says no immediately after soap brings it up.

He's afraid he'll do a bad job, that he'll mess it up. Or even worse; become his father. I mean, how is he supposed to be a good dad of he doesn't even know what that means! Christ! He's just gonna mess them up! He's not cut out to be a father. All he's know is death and hurt. How is that supposed to translate into something good.

This one. This argument lasted even longer than the one about them retiring. This one lasted almost an entire week.

And again like last time they got one day, before they hit the mats. That one day, was the single most tense day on base. Neither soap nor ghost could speak to eachother without circling back to the argument at hand. And of course nobody was willing to break up the fight, lest they get pulled into it.

For the six days after that, they shed their responsibilities, and hit the mats. And it was viscous. Neither held back. They were evenly matched. One fueled by fear, and the other; hope or love, choose your pick.

Even still there was an understanding that once the argument entered the mats, it stayed there when they left, to be picked back up when they came back.

They were sent on one mission during that time, on the sixth day after they hit the mats. It was supposed to last to be easy, would take them less than a day. Of course something went wrong, because something always goes wrong. They both almost died, but through some ruck of luck they got out barely scathed.

The put their gear away, ate, and hit the mats again; despite how tired they were. And Ghost, the moment that ge stepped back onto the mat again, he knew. He knew that he'd do anything for soap. They'd almost died today. But they didn't. Infact, they barely even had any scratches on them.

But still he couldn't fight that instinct to fight, to push back. And still soap was smiling that damned smile. He was so sure of himself, so sure of that he could get ghost to say yes.

And rightfully so. Because one moment he was lifting soap to throw him over his shoulder, and the next he was the one on the ground, soap having used his own momentum to pull his legs out from under him.

And he could have fought it, his mind screamed at him to. But soap was still grinning, and he knew that there was no way he'd be winning.

Perhaps... perhaps it wouldn't be so bad. Perhaps he could learn to be not like his father. Perhaps he could learn to be a dad. Perhaps there was a chance, with soap by his side, showing him how, that he would ruin the child or children that they got. Perhaps soap could show him how to not be like his father.