#but when I imagine it with them doing the math and explaining it I understand it better | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

sirfrogsworth · 2 months ago

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Understanding the Inverse Square Law

(Without Math)

When I was first getting deep into photography, I kept running into lessons about the inverse square law. They would always tell you the effects and the math but they never explained the cause. Why does the light do this?

It's like when the doctor gives you a pill to fix something. You swallow it, wait a bit, and eventually you feel better. But you rarely know what the pill is actually doing.

So when it comes to lighting, you have to decide if you want to be the doctor who understands the why or the patient who just swallows the pill and gets the desired effect.

Every tutorial will say if you double the distance of a light from a subject, the intensity will drop by 1/4. They will give you a formula so you can do exposure calculations.

Sometimes they will refer to somewhat helpful diagrams with clues on what is happening.

But most just teach the easy version.

If you move the light closer, you will get quicker falloff into shadow and the background will be darker.

If you move it farther back, everything will be more evenly lit, but the background will be lighter.

The teacher will shoot some examples and show you something like this.

By the end of this post, I want everyone who reads it to *truly* understand what is happening.

Because if you understand it on that level, it will change how you think about light and photography. It will have the added bonus of explaining magnets and WiFi and even the sound coming out of your speakers.

If I am an effective teacher, this is something you will think about in your everyday life, even if you don't care about photography.

In a previous post, I talked about how light was a bit like a shotgun blast. The closer you are, the more concentrated the pellets. If you are farther away, the shot disperses.

But this wasn't the analogy I wanted to use. It was just the easiest to find visual examples of.

My preferred analogy was spray paint. And I'm hoping with some janky home-made visuals, I can do a better job of explaining the concept.

Let's start by explaining the humble photon. It's the fundamental particle (or wave) of light. Think of them like individual tiny globs of paint in a spray can. A photon is emitted when something loses energy. And unmodified light sources typically shoot out photon globs in all directions.

A point light source is a theoretical concept where a single point in space shoots light evenly in every direction. For our purposes we're just going to imagine a basic light bulb as the point source.

But our eyes and cameras have a limited field of view, so from here on out we are going to think of the light emitting from the bulb as having a cone shape. We are just concerned with what a camera can actually see.

Well, well, well... what does that cone of light look like?

I'm sure we have all used spray paint before. So let's imagine we are spraying a white ball against a gray wall. We spray for 1 second and hold the can at different distances.

In each scenario we are spraying for the same length of time and the exact same number of photon paint globs are emitted from the nozzle.

Let's think about what each scenario would look like from the camera's point of view.

Here is our unpainted ball and wall.

Here is the spray can held at Distance 1.

Note how the red paint is very concentrated and appears bold and saturated.

Distance 2.

Now the same amount of paint is dispersed over a wider area. The bold red spot in the center is more muted. And some of the paint is spilling onto the background.

Distance 3.

Everything appears to have a light red tint. The background and the white ball appear to have similar intensities of red. The coverage is very even. The same number of photon paint globs are being asked to cover a larger area so they are spreading out and diluting the color.

Okay, now let's exchange tiny photon paint globs for real photons.

I'm bringing back my baseball and showing these same 3 distances.

The nice thing about eyeballs and cameras... they can compensate for different light intensities. Our eyes have night vision and cameras have long shutter speeds, large lens apertures, and ISO amplification.

And if we compensate for the dimming caused by the dispersed light...

Photography teachers will tell you that if you move the light farther away, the background will get brighter. In reality, everything is the same level of dim and the camera exposure is brightened.

What if we wanted to spray the same area from far away without losing as much of the red saturation? We could add a super nozzle to our spray can that emits a bunch more photon globs in the same span of time.

This would be like turning up the power of the light. You have to emit a bunch more photons in that same time scale to compensate. Then you don't have to adjust your camera settings when you move the light farther away.

Let's look at a practical example of when you might think about the inverse square law to help solve a problem.

You have two subjects in a scene, and you put the light just out of view of the camera. You might be thinking that a larger light source is softer, so you want it as close as possible.

Unfortunately only one person is lit in the scene. She is getting the concentrated photons before they can disperse.

So if we want both people to have similar lighting, we can move the light farther away. You will have to comprimise a little softness. And you will have to change your camera settings or increase the power of the light.

Note that the intensity of light in the area they are standing in is very similar now.

By using a large light modifier, the photographer was able to move the light back and keep its general softness, but also evenly light both subjects.

And now I need to talk about one aspect of my spray paint analogy that does not work with the inverse square law. And it has to do with the specular highlight on the baseball.

Spray paint does not reflect paint. It just sticks to things. And reflection throws a tiny wrench into my explanation. Because parallel light rays do not obey the inverse square law. When you light something, the most central photons from the subject's perspective are going to be traveling in parallel. They have a direct path from the light to the camera lens or your eyeball.

Now if the reflection material is perfectly matte, the light will disperse and act as the inverse square law suggests. But if the surface is even a little glossy, the most concentrated parallel rays are going to bounce directly into your eye as a bright white spot.

And if you study this diagram a little closer, you might figure out why specular highlights are usually white.

If you look at the specular highlight on the baseball, even though the rest of the image gets dimmer as the light gets farther away, that spot stays bright.

Though the spot seems to disappear at Distance 1. Curious, eh?

It's still there. It's still reflecting directly into your eyeball. But the light around it is so concentrated and bright, the specular highlight blends in.

Which means if you have some nasty highlights on your photo subject, moving your light closer might make them go away. If someone has a shiny forehead, this can equalize the overall exposure and hide the shiny.

This guy has a bright spot on his nose. It is there in both photos.

But his face is so much brighter in the left photo that the spot blends in. It's a bit of a mind bender because the camera exposure is adjusted so the finished photos appear the same amount of bright.

You have to remember if you only move the light farther away and don't increase its power or increase the camera's exposure level, the photos would look more like this.

So if you make the rest of the face as bright as the highlight, it blends in.

Neat!

So, was I successful?

Does the inverse square law make more sense?

This is why WiFi gets weaker at a distance. This is why magnets lose their attraction when you pull them apart. This is why speakers get quieter when you move away from them.

I can't tell you how much knowing the why has affected my thinking about lighting. I see so many video and photo people talking about lighting setups who are just following memorized placements.

"Put a light above the subject at a 45 degree angle to get Rembrandt lighting."

But the second they encounter light doing something unexpected, things fall apart. They resort to trial and error and brute force the solution.

Knowing how the pill works can prevent that frustrating process.

I no longer care about the math. I can just visualize the cone of influence and predict what will happen. Understanding the behavior of light and not just the end effects has made everything more intuitive. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to understand this. But, hopefully, this post has shortened that journey for you.

#long post #photography #lighting #inverse square law

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chsopnk · 10 months ago

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「 ✦ DADDY’S HOME ✦ 」

☆. # SHIP — gojo satoru, nanami kento, toji fushiguro x gn!reader

☆. # AUTHOR’S NOTE — the guys as the father of ur kids.

☆. # WARNINGS — mentions of puke

GOJO .

i could see him as a boy or girl dad. or both

tries to give his daughter cute hairstyles and fails miserably. crooked pigtails where half of her hair is still hanging down is the best he can do. but hey, he tries

definitely hangs his kids upside down by their feet. probably shakes them too.

the kids are definitely small gojo’s. sorry not sorry

every single day is chaos.

when he goes out with the two on his own, he loses one of them about 80% of the time (he always finds them again, don’t worry 😭)

let’s them have snacks before dinner and tells them not to tell you. they always do.

despite all of that, he’s a fun father

gojo has a lot of energy so he runs around with them all day and plays with them <33

(then he complains about how tired he is when they’re in bed :/)

lots of fun trips. to the playground, amusement parks, places in japan, different countries. the beach.

if his kids have hobbies, he’s always ALWAYS!! the loudest and most embarrassing parent there. he says it builds character and he needs to support his babies ‼️‼️

NANAMI .

girl dad. twin girls.

he definitely does their hair!! and he’s good at it too <3 nanami has done their hair since they had hair.

he spoils them TO DEATH.

the girls only want to eat the food he cooks 😒 they say it tastes better

he dances with them in the living room when no one’s home. ugh he’s so CUTE 🥴🥴

nanami’s a very very loving father but he’s also strict when it comes to certain things

example a: the girls will never not do their homework. he makes sure of it 💯

just imagine nanami sitting at a table with his two little girls while explaining math to them 🥹 he’s so so gentle and understanding but he will not let them give up

imo he really loves it when they wear cute dresses and look all pretty. he’s a girlie girl dad.

he will play with them no matter what they want to do. play dress-up? he will wear the tutu. want to play house? of course he’ll be the baby. the girls wanna do his hair + make-up? he’ll be the test subject no problem ‼️

he’s also never ever going to miss any special day his girls have. their first day of school, bring your father to school day, their dance shows — whatever their hobbies are, he’ll be there to support them <33333

also: a REAL father. never had a problem with changing diapers or cleaning up baby puke.

TOJI .

not the best father, but he’s damn sure trying

the child was definitely unexpected and not exactly wanted but once he came to terms with it, he tries his best to be there as best as he can

he doesn’t have the money needed to take care of a child, neither do you (not really)

but whatever his kid wants, his kid gets.

mostly, that includes fast food and cheap toys from the dollar store

but hey!! the kid doesn’t care where the toys are from (/gen)

definitely the type of dad to get one of those leashes for kids. he’s not risking losing his kid somewhere 💀 and he knows damn well what kind of menace that child is

he can and will bribe his son with candy to get him to stop crying or throwing a tantrum

toji cannot deal with his kid screaming or crying. honestly mostly leaves you to deal with those situations because he’s unsure how to handle them

will change diapers but not without complaining and almost throwing up 💀 it’s not his fault !!! it stinks okay?!!

acts like he doesn’t care about the kid but then shows up after a mission with a bag of candy. or pulls out some toy the kid’s wanted

cannot, will not & should not help with homework.

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bitchface24-7 · 6 months ago

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Oops my hand slipped and I’m back again (for the 3rd day in a row (I think I have a problem))

So following the trend of me seeing too many fanfics of smthn I don’t vibe with, I’ve noticed that a lot of Jayce and/or Viktor x reader fics have the reader as a scientist (makes sense writing-wise, provides a lot of opportunity for characters to interact and bond)

Problem is, I am dogshit at science. I was good at most subjects in high school, but science? Nearly failed. I was good at math and word problems too which made it even more confusing to me but it is what it is ig. So I was hoping for another JayVik x reader where this time, the reader is an artist

Now I primarily draw OCs and people (usually digital or w/ marker) so I’d like smthn leaning towards that but frankly you can do whatever

I just think it’s be funny if, while Jayce n Viktor do their cool nerd shit, the reader is fully unhelpful and doodling in their sketchbook. Quality time except I’m drawing sexualized men (gender equality) and my hot boyfriends are solving global trade or whatever

(Mayhaps also drawing them for studies and anatomy practice and showing them because I like forcing ppl to look at my art >:)) )

Again, take as long as you need to write this, hope you’re doing good :))

MY MUSES - JAYVIK X READER

synopsis: after escaping Noxus with your best friend Mel, you've cherished the peace of Piltover compared to the wartime of Noxus. You were able to flourish in the city of progress with your artistry. It was the way you and Mel found solace in your old home. Now, you've been commissioned by the council to paint a portrait of the Hextech duo.

warnings: talks of wartime, insecurities, awkward talk, becoming friends with J + V, anatomy practice, complimenting your two boys, fluff, Grammarly is my beta

genre: m/m/f or m/m/m

p.s. I understand your frustration, even I've fallen into “make reader a scientist to make life a little easier.” I hope y'all enjoy artist reader!

You're painting in your studio at the Academy when the door is opened, and you smell the delicious fragrance of vanilla, cardamom, and sandalwood, it’s Mel.

You put your paintbrush down and turn to look at your best friend, a smile beaming on your face. You get up and go for a hug before stopping yourself, your clothes are stained with paint and you don’t want to ruin Mel’s pretty white dress.

She fondly rolls her eyes and pulls you into a hug anyway. Mel’s not a very touchy person. It was seen as a weakness is Noxus. She’s only really touchy with you, you’ve been her friend for as long as you can remember. She wholeheartedly trusts you.

And you know how rare that is.

“Hello dove. How’re you today?”

You scrunch your nose at the nickname, it was a nickname given to you when you were much younger. “It’s because you don’t see the glory of war. You’re gentle. Something I desperately need in my life.” Mel had explained, her Medarda Mask no where in sight.

“I’m good. I’m almost done the landscape you commissioned for the council room.”

Mel’s smile widens the tiniest bit, but her gaze is downcast. This isn’t a social call. She’s been tasked to ask you something.

“Mel, I understand. Just, tell me what you need from me.”

A sigh escapes the gorgeous woman, “The council has requested a portrait to be made of the two Hextech innovators, Viktor and Jayce Talis.”

You raise your brows in confusion, “Okay… why is that a bad thing?”

Mel leans on a clean section of your work station, a hand coming up to rub her forehead, “They’re constantly working. They don’t see the prospect of taking a break. If you were to paint them, you’d have to paint them in the lab; as they do dangerous experiments. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

You place your hand over top Mel’s hand that’s braced against the desk, “I’ll be okay. I can’t imagine they’d let anyone get hurt.”

Mel nods sagely, the hand that was rubbing her forehead is now placed over your hand. She’s now cupping your one hand and rubbing her thumb over your knuckles.

“I’ll tell them what the council has demanded. When will you be free to paint them?”

You look over to the almost finished landscape painting sitting on your easel, “Give me a week.”

Mel nods, gives you one last hug, and leaves your studio to break the news to Viktor and Jayce.

You just hope they’re nice to you.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

The week passed by in a flash, and here you are. Standing in front of two very large doors that make you feel like your heart is going to beat out of your chest.

You don’t understand why you’re so nervous. You’ve painted portraits of the top-class in Piltover. The cream of the crop. The top one percent, and you were fine. You were mentally rolling your eyes every few minutes, but you were fine.

You’re now asked to paint two scientists and you feel like you’re going to have a stroke.

At least Mel gave you some advice in regards to both men, “Jayce is quite kind, easy-going, and easy to talk to. You’ll make quick friends with him as you are. His partner Viktor on the other hand… is a different story. He’s cordial, but stubborn. He’s quite witty with a sass that almost matches mine. He’d prefer it if you skipped the flowery talk and just got straight to the point. He’s not a fan of the mind numbing politics of Piltover. Say what you mean or don’t say anything at all.”

With that mantra repeating in your head, you knock on the doors to their lab.

“Come in!” A voice exclaims, “We cannot leave our stations, the gems may become volatile if we do.” Another voice adds, this time with an unfamiliar accent.

You lightly push open the doors and are stunned by the state of the lab. Papers everywhere, equations on a blackboard you don’t even want to attempt to understand, ink stains, scraps of metal.

You suppose this is their version of an art studio.

“Oh!” The first voice you heard exclaims, “You must be Mel’s friend, the one who’s been commissioned to paint us. I’m Jayce. The one brooding over there with goggles on his face is Viktor.”

A scoff, “I am not brooding. I simply do not see the purpose of a portrait being made of us. It takes time away from our research!”

You cut in, reminding yourself of Mel’s advice, “The council has ordered it. Besides, I need to study you two for a little bit. Understand your anatomy and proportions. Then when I have a clear understanding, we’ll take one day out of your schedule to get the painting done.”

Viktor raises his goggles, putting them into is hair and the most beautiful pair of eyes you’ve ever seen narrows onto you, “You’ll only need one day to paint us?”

“The weather is constantly changing. That means so is my light source, my shadows, my colours.” You explain easily, “If we spend the whole day together, I’ll be able to easily get the portrait done and you two can go back to work. Sound good?”

Viktor purses his lips before nodding, Jayce just looks between the two of you with a small smile. He thought that would’ve taken a lot longer.

Guess you’re pretty special.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

One Week Later.

Their work is fascinating. You don’t understand quite a bit of it, but their enthusiasm and passion make up for your lack of knowledge.

Here they are trying to solve most of the worlds problems and you’re sketching them in your sketchbook with hearts in your eyes.

You focus on their bodies, how they bend, contort, their planes and shadows. How light glows onto them.

You focus on their unique features. Jayce’s sharp canines, Viktor’s cheekbones and moles. Jayce’s broad chest and Viktor’s cane and brace.

Those two points are especially important. They’re so detailed. And they’re a part of Viktor, you’re not going to erase something so vital to him as a human being to make the portrait “nicer to look at” according to the upper echelon of Piltover.

You’re so lost in your thoughts you don’t feel a presence come up behind you, “Whatcha doing?”

You jolt, putting a hand to your heart as your pencil drops to the ground, “By Janna Jayce! You scared me!”

A boisterous laugh permeates the lab, “You we’re so focused, I couldn’t help but wonder what you were doing.”

“We’ll… I was drawing my two very beautiful muses.”

There’s a small silence in the lab.

“Your—“ Viktor starts, then clears his throat as Jayce stands there, stunned, “Your beautiful muses?”

You nod, not realizing their disbelief, “Of course. The two of you have such beautiful features. Jayce is quite tall, with broad shoulders, a tiny waist, and strong legs. A nice hair cut, strong brows, big eyes, and pink lips. You, Viktor on the other hand—“

You’re cut off by said man, “Are not as conventional—“

You cut him off this time, “Are also tall, lean, lithe, with long beautiful legs. You have a face carved out of marble, messy hair, eyes that look like liquid gold, beauty marks, and a nice pale complexion that compliments Jayce’s tan. You’re both quite handsome, just is different ways.”

The two men are stunned into silence, and it takes a few minutes before you realize what you said. You feel your face heat up as you try to hide behind your sketch book. Viktor lightly smiles at that as Jayce laughs and forces your sketch book back down onto your lap.

“You know, I’ve never heard such an honest compliment before.”

“Neither have I.”

You feel like killing yourself. Maybe jumping out of one of the lab windows will do the trick.

“So,” Viktor’s interrupts your dark humorous thoughts, “Do you feel prepared to paint the portrait?”

You look the two men dead in the eye, even as embarrassment consumes you.

“Yes.”

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

A day is set and you bring all your art supplies that you need into the lab. You even set up a place for the portrait to be.

The setting will be in front of their main work station, the hexcore and hexgems glittering in the background. You brought a comfortable armchair for Viktor to sit on, you know these paintings can take some time and you don’t want to over-exert his leg. You assume Jayce can stand for a few hours, placed right next to Viktor.

As you explain your thought process to them, the more excited they seem. And to think, they didn’t want to do this originally.

“Ok, get comfortable. Viktor you can put your cane to rest against one of the arms of the chair. Jayce, can you place your hand on the top of the headrest? Perfect. You two comfortable?”

You get nods and yes’ as your answer.

With that, you start to paints them.

You ensure to be as diligent as possible. You start with the boys, adding bits and pieces to the background as you go. You make sure to her the green in Jayce’s eyes, the beauty marks on Viktor’s face. The house Talis emblem on Jayce’s jacket; the intricacies of Viktor’s cane and leg brace. The purple and blue glows of the Hextech give the painting an almost magical feeling.

You have to say, this may be your best portrait yet.

A couple hours pass and you deem the painting complete. The two boys sigh, Jayce cracks his back as Viktor cracks his neck. Most of the painting was done is silence, a few tiny conversations sprinkled throughout the process.

You didn’t want them to move.

The two come to where you’re sitting and gaze at the portrait in awe. It’s… them. It looks so life like, as good as a picture. But it’s softer, it looks beautiful.

And they look phenomenal.

“Are you sure that’s us?” Viktor jokes, pointing at the painting, “Those men are incredibly handsome.”

You cock an eyebrow at him, “Now you know what to say when you look in a mirror. That’s how you look, and it’s how you’ll be remembered.”

Jayce smiles and puts a hand on both your and Viktor’s shoulders. Viktor looks touched at the sentiment.

“You should move your art stuff to be here. Permanently.” Jayce states easily.

You almost choke on your own spit, “Pardon? Why would I do that?”

“Because we'd miss you,” Viktor replies a cocky look on his face.

You huff out a laugh, “Ill be of no help to you. I'm not a science brain. I'd just be in the lab drawing you two constantly.”

“We’d pose for you.” Jayce jokes

“Even if I wanted to practice nude anatomy?”

Viktor hums, “Not in the lab obviously, but yes even then.”

You smile at them, “It’s a deal then.”

And to think you were scared they wouldn't be nice to you. You just obtained two pretty muses (hopefully for the rest of your life.)

TADA!!! This was such a cute request. I hope y'all enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. Pebble, you keep those requests coming (and everyone else who requests too 🫵😏)

I have like four requests now in my inbox and I squealed when I saw it. I've never had so many requests before. Usually my inbox has like… spam and fishing schemes. So this is amazing to me!!

#arcane #viktor arcane #jayce arcane #jayce talis #arcane imagine #arcane x reader #viktor imagine #viktor x reader #jayce imagine #jayce x reader #jayvik x reader #fem!reader #male!reader #gender neutral reader #banners by cafekitsune

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futbolfatale · 8 months ago

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School stress

Pairing: Lucy Bronze X Reader, Millie Bright X Reader

Tags: School Stress, fully clothed baths, you Acidently water board yourself, Lucy calling reader Mami, Mommy Issues,

Summary: Reader Gets stressed out with school and begins to question her worth.

WordCount: 0.7k

School had always come easy for you, so it was extremely frustrating when a class was hard, which is what led to your current breakdown in your now cold bathtub fully clothed. It's truly not your best moment but it is rather therapeutic. “Mami We are home” Luce’s voice startles you from your haze as you fully begin to take in the scene around. This looks really bad especially because you had just told them how good you were feeling. “Fuck” You mutter trying to strip off your soaking wet clothes and drain the bath at the same time is not a good idea.

As you fall into the bath with your shirt plastered to your face and water trying to suffocate you. Panic fills your chest as you accidentally breathe in some water. You can’t die like this you can already imagine the posts “Deranged girl waterboards herself leading to her death”.

Before you can even try to get out someone is retching you out and laying you on your back. You start to cough up water as Millie pats your back firmly. “It's okay, Mami just breathed. In and out ” Lucy holds your hair back. You cough up the last of the water before sitting up. “What happened,” Millie asks, rubbing slow circles in your back. ‘“Do you think I’m stupid?” You ask, pressing your soaking wet hair out of your face. “Why would We think you are stupid” Millie asks.” Cause that stupid test” You can’t make eye contact with them. “You know those tests don’t show how smart you are and math is a really hard subject. There is no shame in struggling sometimes,” Mill explains, helping you strip out your remaining clothes.

“Is this why you were being so weird this morning?” Luce asks as she and Mills help you into some pajamas. “I wasn’t being weird” you defined as slightly annoyed at her audacity. “You wouldn't get out of bed and you didn’t even drink the coffee I made you” Mills gestures to the long cold cup of coffee on the nightstand. “ Am I not allowed to lie in on my day off?” You defend walking to the cup and taking it into the kitchen, both of them trailing after you. “You are allowed to lie in as much as you want but you didn’t even answer our texts” Luce grabs you from behind wrapping you in a tight hug and pressing her face into your still-wet hair.

“We are just worried about you, if it's this bad maybe you should drop the class” Mills holds both of your hands in hers as she speaks. “ You know I can’t do that” You pull away from both of them and start towards the couch. You just need to be away. They don’t understand what this is like. “ Why because your mom says so” Lucy calls after you are even more annoyed now that you've pushed her away. “I can’t be a quitter.” You flop onto the couch staring up at the ceiling as tears gather in your eyes. “Quitting this one thing doesn’t make you a quitter.” Mills joins you on the couch pulling your feet into her lap and massaging them gently. “She Thinks it does” You can’t bring yourself to look at them. They get this disappointed look on their faces when you talk like this and you can't stand it. “You Don’t need to care what your mom thinks anymore. She isn't your keeper, she isn’t paying for your education, we are and as your partners, we think you should drop the class.” Lucy explains from her spot knelt on the floor in front of you. “I’ll call the college tomorrow and get them to take you out of the class.”.

“You would do that for me” You look between them both the tears that had gathered in your eyes finally falling. “Of course love we would do this and so much more to preserve your mental health you deserve better than this.” Mills stands up and grabs your hands pulling you with her. “How about we go and get a sweet treat.” “I think that sounds really good” You smile as you follow them out to the car.

#woso x reader #woso community #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso soccer #woso one shot #woso #lucy bronze #lucy bronze x reader #millie bright x reader

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russellsppttemplates · 1 year ago

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Hi Inês,

Can I request a blurb with dad Lando x Matilda Norris?

Reader goes out for the evening with her friends and Lando has to help his daughter with her homework. And they both end up crying over it because neither understand what are they supposed to do.

I imagine it's math homework (but it can be any kind of homework that's worth crying over, it's up to you 😭)

Note: as someone who isn't innately intelligent, there have been many homeworks that were worth me crying over, but I went with math because that was definitely the one where I shed the most tears 😭)

"Matilda, time for your homework", Lando called from the hall, stepping into your daughter's room and sitting on the chair next to the desk, "we promised mum we would take care of it so let's get to it", he rubbed his hands.

Math had never been his strong suit, but until the third question he was just about fine, looking at the examples and guiding Tilly through it to get to the final answer, checking it at the end pages of the notebook.

"Now, for this one, you have to solve it for both y and x, so you have to choose one to go from and then stick to it before it goes about the same and there's only one letter", Lando explained as Matilda looked at the numbers on her notebook.

It was numbers and letters and she couldn't make sense of them, tears brimming her eyes as anytime she thought about doing something, it didn't go far before she had the chance to write anything down.

"I can't do it", she let out, wiping her tears with her hands, "I don't get it", she mumbled.

"Hey, sweet girl, it's okay", he cooed, rubbing her back and pulling her to him, "we will do this together, Tilly, no one is supposed to get this at the first try", he comforted.

No one is supposed to get it at the first try, and it seemed that at the fourth try, neither could Lando.

"But how did they get the 4? There's not a 4 anywhere here! I'm number four", Lando cried as he brushed his hair to let out the nerves.

"It's okay, dad, I'll just ask the teacher tomorrow, or mum when she comes back", Matilda offered.

"We should call aunt Cisca then, she's very smart - she's the brains of this family, she should know", Lando sniffled, putting his sister on FaceTime.

"Hey guys! How - why does it look like you have been crying?", Cisca said as she looked at the camera.

"Math homework", Matilda and Lando sighed at the same time.

"Turn the camera around so I can see if I can help - it must be bad if it got you to tears. I take is Y/N isn't home?", Cisca mused.

"Yes, she isn't home and everything is falling apart at the seams", Lando retorted.

"It's not like it's our fault, dad - this is hard", Matilda said, pulling an upset Lando into her and hugging him.

(Thank you for sending this in ✨️)

#lando norris blurb #inês writes blurbs #f1 blurb #f1 x reader

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respectthepetty · 3 months ago

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All Signs Say "Yes"

Secrets Happened on the litchi Island has already been a fantastic journey of colors and symbols, but it nailed the ending because CHEN LI PICKED RED!

The Blue Boy picked red!

Then he set out to get his Red Rascal!

I do not understand the marriage plot, but I don't care (someone explain it!) because the Red Rascal was wearing green, which I felt was the middle between red and blue, or the earth between the fire and the water.

Then Red Rascal Xiao Zhi graduated in pink when he thought he spotted Chen Li in blue in the background.

But I think this was all part of the plan because Blue Boy Chen Li with the one red box on his desk had received three boxes of lychees, which means he solved the fruit issue on the island, and since lychees are symbolic of love, that means he solved his love problem, and now, just like the fruit, his love is abundant!

He also lied to Xiao Zhi's brother and said the professor told him to share the fruit. We saw him delete the original text that simply asked if he wanted some just so he could rewrite a more direct message, so he could deliver the fruit to the brothers (for the possibility of seeing Xiao Zhi).

Xiao Zhi's brother originally said he'd pick them up, but he didn't deliver them to Xiao Zhi, so Chen Li in his blue shirt that has a red top over it (with his green bowl with red chopsticks) comes up with a plan to see his Red Rascal.

He looks at the pink bottle of liquor (it's peach honey and not lychee which would have been too perfect!) and decides to deliver his own box of lychees to Xiao Zhi instead since he can't speak to Xiao Zhi directly because he changed his number.

And just like earlier with Xiao Zhi in green, when he walks in to find the lychee, he is all in green and surrounded by green.

His roommate (who may like him?) thinks his very good-looking brother has delivered the fruit, but when Xiao Zhi calls his brother, his brother states he had someone else deliver them.

Then, Chen Li lies about his car being in the shop just so he can see Xiao Zhi at the bus stop! Xiao Zhi sees him drive away in his car!

But all signs are pointing to a reunion! The signs at the bus stop read "imagining your return," "the same city," and "long time no see"

And even though Chen Li met him in the city, he walks with him through the park, which is the greenest space in the city. He asks for Xiao Zhi's new number, and when Xiao Zhi puts himself in Chen Li's phone as "little brother," Chen Li gets upset and changes the name!

So this is when Xiao Zhi pieces it together! The roommate picked up a "gay vibe" (it's a conversation involving math) from Xiao Zhi's brother "who looks nothing like him" because it wasn't his brother. It was Chen Li, and once Xiao Zhi goes through Chen Li's socials with the lychee (aka Chen Li's love) right there in front of him, he sees a sunrise which is a callback to them watching it together, which was the last time they were happy together.

And his red fire painting with a caption about how Chen Li realizes he no longer wants to live in fear of what society thinks of him.

He wants passion even if it means suffering!

So this Red Rascal devises a quick plan of his own. He asks his brother for more lychee, the brother tells him to ask Chen Li, which confirms the brother was never part of the delivery, so he empties out the container of lychee, acts like he has no more, then asks Chen Li for more lychee (MORE LOVE!). His text is blue.

And Chen Li immediately responds that he has more. His text is red. They have exchanged colors just in time for Chen Li to use the newly acquired phone number to then call and ask Xiao Zhi if he wants to eat dinner with him the next day.

Xiao Zhi doesn't hesitate to run out of the house full speed in his pink top and red shorts because he knows exactly what this means!

And as he runs through the city, he runs past a slew of dark signage, yet one red sign is brightly lit, and it's "dream" since this Red Rascal's dream is finally coming true.

He calls Chen Li back and asks what his apartment number is to which Chen Li eagerly responds believing Xiao Zhi is saying yes to meeting him for dinner, but then Xiao Zi busts through the door (the door code has to be meaningful), and the sign over the door wishes him "Good Luck"

Then he spots Chen Li behind all the red fortunes, and their fates finally align!

And although I cannot understand fully what this book on the shelf is about, it seems to be a story about how two gods became human because of love.

Apparently, there are two more books in the series about summer and spring, which are also on the shelf.

And I think that's perfect because at the end, they are back at the green place that they fell in love where the lychee grow with Chen Li in his blue, and Xiao Zhi in a shirt that has butterflies on it.

They are in love, and they are together!

So please let us get extra scenes of them just being boyfriends.

And being in love with each other.

Because as the end card stated, they are the best in their own little world.

And now I have to go back and watch all the episodes to figure out all the small details I missed!

#secrets happened on the litchi island #the colors mean things #color coded boys in love #background noise #I'm losing my mind over them #they are happy and together #and the symbols guiding us the whole way through their love story #spoilers #long post #this was such a great adventure #and now I need to go watch it again

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canideformed · 4 months ago

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I keep seeing this post going around about how autistic people “understand hierarchies” and just don’t respect them.

That is not representative of all autistic people.

I am literally incapable of understanding hierarchies. I can understand that social rules say person 1 is above person 2 in an abstract sense, but, when it comes down the the actual way that happens IRL, when it comes down to understanding that dynamic, how I’m supposed to act in that dynamic, why that dynamic exists, etc., I literally do not and have never understood. And years of abuse partially resulting from that lack of understanding being seen as “defiance” didn’t help.

I do not understand how these hierarchies function.

Earlier this year my parents got mad at me because I kept asking the flight attendant questions about why they were making us power off our devices (automated fog landing). From my perspective, I was just curious. My mom had to explain to me that I was supposed to just listen to them without asking questions. I did not understand that either. She had to break it down by telling me it probably just wasn’t the best time to be asking and that it was probably seen as me arguing or talking back or whatever.

You might think ok, now I understand. But no. I don’t know how to describe it but to say a gear just stops turning—I ask myself “am I supposed to ask this? Is this the way I’m supposed to behave?” and the answer my brain gives is… silence. A lot of things just make sense to me intuitively. I love science, especially physics, and did very well at math (not involving arithmetic, thanks probably-dyscalculia diagnosed-arithmetic-impairment). But for some reason this stuff just does. Not. Follow. And I will try my best, and maybe I will happen to act correctly a few times, but, in the end, my fundamental lack of understanding will cause me to be perceived as “defiant” or “disrespectful.” I’m going to try to be better on flights but to be honest I can very easily picture myself doing something similar if the situation were to be slightly different.

I don’t think a lot of people get how hard it is to really internalise hierarchies, even hierarchies people have explained to you, if you don’t actually understand them. Like yeah my mom explained that I was expected not to ask the questions I did, but let enough time pass and I forget that extremely specific interaction and I’m back at square 1 just because I can’t think “wait mom said that I’m not supposed to do that last time.”

The reason the post I described above bothers me is because that exact expectation has had a direct hand in my abuse. I was treated like a problem child. Like I was defiant. My dad secretly believed I had ODD. Imagine being a kid and freaking out because, to you, you were acting very normally and then the other person got mad. Crying because you don’t understand why they’re mad at you. And then your caregivers punish you even more. Imagine being a kid who is hurt and scared because you don’t understand what you did wrong and having your caregivers respond by taking you to your room, pulling down your pants, spanking you, and telling you you’re being bad or “eres un necio/travieso/mocoso.” * And now imagine that your brain is wired in such a way that, despite all of that, you cannot, you are incapable of ever “learning” to understand this stuff.

You can see why it might strike a nerve to hear people say that, actually, we do understand hierarchies and are choosing to not respect them!

Please try to stop making sweeping statements about what autistic people “do” or “don’t” understand. We’re individuals. And claiming that we “actually do” understand something without clarifying it’s only some of us only leaves behind those of us who can’t.

* I put this in untranslated because it’s a little bit different in Spanish. It translates to “you’re a fool/naughty (person)/brat,” but basically gets used to mean “you’re being foolish/naughty/bratty.” Imo that double meaning definitely impacted how I saw myself, especially as an autistic kid taking everything very literally, so. Wanted that to be accurate. My parents never directly called me a “bad kid” but overall it’s definitely something I internalised.

#i’m barking #autistic #msn autistic #msn autism #autism #ASD #autism spectrum disorder #autistic adult

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grapejuicestyless · 2 months ago

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I Am So Full Of Love

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summery: JJ Maybank never liked Kiara’s girlfriend, or so it seemed, she never expected him to care so much once she was gone, and he never expected her to miss him the same.(Mentions of coming to terms with sexuality and confusion and guilt.)

“I couldn’t do that to her.” Kiara explained as delicately as she could without being consumed by her own guilt.

But how can you gently explain to anyone how you’ve just lost the love of your life because you were too immature to be what she needed.

Y/n was a kind soul, deeply understanding and empathetic to everyone, no matter the background. While to others, the cut and figure eight were a clear divide between societies on the island, the rich, and the poor, the good and the great, she never once looked at the brand on her friends clothes or shamed someone for the amount of money in their pocket. She was simplicity, she was sweetness.

As good and pure as she was, she was also incredibly naive.

Naive, that was the word anyone would have used to describe her. Because she didn’t see the point of the divide between Kooks and Pogues, it also meant that Y/n fell for cruel peoples even crueler actions, and never once complained about the injustices that she faced.

Y/n never complained, and she took what she was given with a smile, even if what she was given was really nothing at all.

“I loved her, how could I not? She was everything I’d ever hoped for when I was younger. I spent every single math class watching the back of her head for years, praying that one day she would look back and just see me. It would be unfair for me to keep her away from a life she deserves simply because I love her.”

Kiara was right in the end, and everyone knew she was. She couldn’t offer anything to Y/n, and while her girlfriend readily gave, and gave, and gave, there was only so much to give before there was nothing left. Kiara recognized the signs of the burn out between them long ago, how Y/n seemed to scramble to find something more precious to give to her, how she devoted each part of herself to Kiara so willingly despite the risks, and Kiara watched as she ran out of love to spare, and her goals overtook her relationship. Her journey became more important than her heart, and she knew it would be unkind to string along someone whose heart was ten times too big for her chest.

“How did she take it?” Sarah asked quietly, leaning closer to the burning fire that everyone sat around. Kiara pulled her feet beneath her thighs, shifting in the old camping chair.

“She didn’t really say anything, actually. I mean, I wasn’t expecting a screaming match or crocodile tears, but, I thought she might have something to say to me. I did love her, I do love her, I did this for her. I at least deserved to hear some kind of goodbye.”

Kiara recalled her reluctant goodbye. One she never dreamed of saying. She used to swear on every star that if it were to end, it would be on her lovers terms. She never imagined she would be the one to cause her dearest Y/n to wander the county with a broken hearted gaze and an empty chest.

But thats the way life goes, and unfortunately for the couple, they were victims to unforeseen circumstances.

Kiara recalled how happy Y/n looked as she knocked on her front door, flowers in her hands, freshly picked on her way over simply because that’s who Y/n was, a girl who loved to give things to people just because she appreciated them. She was glowing, absolutely bursting with a vibrancy Kiara would always miss, but one that was no longer hers. Her knuckles that were stained green and the nails brushed with pollen. She was the sweetest spring after a nasty winter.

She remembered how Y/n wasn’t even the slightest bit skeptical or concerned when Kiara frowned and asked to speak to her. How Y/n sat and rubbed her back when she started to cry, her head laid in Y/n’s lap. In her lap. She cried and choked out apologies before killing her off, pulling away finally to end it and crush her girlfriend’s heart.

Her back was left cold as Y/n pulled away from her like she was poison, her touch distant and cold, and her eyes holding a thousand questions she would never ask.

“I’m sorry baby, I’m sorry. I love you, I’m sorry.” She swore, and the girl simply looked like she was still puzzling the pieces together.

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault.” She had assured Kiara, and in a sudden burst of emotion, wrapped her arms around her in a soul crushing hug. The sound of her lungs deflating and her heart cracking would haunt Kiara in her sleep for years, she knew it as soon as she let Y/n love her goodbye.

That was all that was shared between the pair before Y/n slipped away, the flowers still clasped tightly in her palms, the thorns stabbing into her skin at how tightly she began to grip them.

“At least someone got what they wanted though, right?” Kiara laughed bitterly and looked to JJ who sat across from her, seemingly processing the fact that this meant the bubbly girl wouldn’t be coming around anymore.

“Sorry?” He looked up from where his arms rested on his knees.

“Y/n won’t be coming around anymore. Isn’t that what you wanted?” Kiara laughed sadly, as if trying to find humor in her loss. Yet, even if Kiara seemed bitter, not even JJ could find any tears in her sad eyes.

“Why would I want that?” He didn’t find it amusing.

“You hated her, didn’t you?” Kiara’s smile faded slightly, as if part of her was hopeful that her friend would find some mean thing to say to make a poor situation better. As if he could find a flaw in her, Kiara could let her go easier.

JJ sat back and thought deeply, and then, when the idea was constructed and confirmed, he bit his tongue.

Sure, he had never been kind to Y/n, but it was never out of pure hatred. Well, maybe in a way it was, but not for the reasons everyone believed he had.

Kiara had been looking at the back of her head in math for years, tossing wads of paper at her to get her attention and writing thoughtful notes to her for her to receive before she even sat down. She slipped her words of affection in her locker, and offered her rides after school just to be closer to her.

Kiara chased what she wanted and got it, she had it. But what she failed to notice was how JJ’s eyes were glued to the same girls head from another side.

JJ had been watching her since they were kids. It wasn’t just because she was pretty, or kind, but because even in the darkest of times, she was always looking at the brightness of the future.

He’d been watching patiently from beside her in math class, always avoiding her watchful eyes and instead playing it off like he was looking out the window. Some days, when she was late to class, he would subtly scoot his desk closer to hers, and against his better judgment, he would silently hope Kiara wouldn’t come to class so he could partner with her.

But Kiara had her first, all because he had been too scared to get too close. Because in his mind, she was too good to be true, and he would rather live his life believing that than try and find out if he was wrong.

That’s why he hated her. Not because she was annoying, or naive, or too happy. But because every time he saw her, she reminded him of how much of a coward he was.

“Yeah, I guess I did.”

Days passed, and dust sat in silence while pollen gathered on rusted window sills. A mark from her jean shorts stained JJ’s window. The heart stitched into the back pocket rubbed against the worn down wood. From all the times she’d tried to mend something that was never broken. Now, he sat and wondered quietly if he had let her in and stopped searching for answers he wasn’t meant to find, if she would ever stop by again to say hi.

He missed her. He figured everyone did, but despite Kiara’s broken heart, he still selfishly believed he missed her the most.

At first he didn’t get it, the hollow feeling in his chest, the stuttering heartbeats and the shallow breathing. How he constantly found himself tossing and turning only to wake up in a cold sweat at the loss of her image in his dreams, how her nose was never quite right, how he forgot all the parts of her he swore he’d never forget, how everything was fucked over nothing at all. He never had her, she wasn’t his so it made no sense to him.

It got so bad, he took himself to the library. The fucking library. And he searched for answers he was desperate to find. The computers were boxy and dusty, but worked faster and didn’t store memory like the one at John B’s house. He looked over his shoulders, partially embarrassed by how driven he was by the loss of a girl he had just told everyone he hated. But JJ Maybank never knew when to stop, so he dug and dug and dug until there was nothing but molten lava that burnt his hands. And even then, he never learned to stop.

Grief.

The word that popped up onto his computer screen.

Deep sorrow; the experience of coping with loss.

Funny enough, he’d recognized it immediately. He didn’t need the definition. He’d known it all his life, and he’d heard it on her tongue. How she grieved their friendship that never was. He recalls the first of her many visits he took for granted.

He wishes he had reached out, held her hand, even if it wasn’t his to hold. He wanted to feel the softness of her skin against the roughness of his palms and feel the sickness lessen in his skin where it rotted.

He recalled her like the softest thing that ever was, a gentle reminder that when winter passed, spring has to come, that the bad is only temporary. And still he had grit his teeth and bit her neck like a scared dog whenever what he lost got to comfortable.

“I’m not…I’m not into girls.” She spoke softly, her knees tucked beneath her thighs, her jean shorts pressed against the old windowsill. Her voice was soft, scared, tender. The first of many confessions in an old bedroom that belonged to neither of them. The first of many attempts for her kindness to break through his resentment and dreams of a clandestine arrangement.

“That’s bullshit.” JJ snorted bitterly, but the sadness in her eyes made his sharp tongue bleed with how hard he bit down on it. His eyes softened, her node was red. She seemed torn.

“Or, maybe I don’t know. All I’ve ever wanted was a man. That’s all I’ve ever known…but then she kisses me, really kisses me and she touches me like she doesn’t just want what’s between my legs and I think maybe she’s all I’ve ever wanted.” She smiles, her vision unfocused and stuck to the carvings JJ engraved with the edge of his blade.

He wants to tell her he could touch her like that, because when he imagines their arrangement that be desires so bad, he doesn’t list after her like the others. He has no desire to place his hands down her thighs, but rather to lay his head between her breasts and listen to the gentle beat of her heart, to let his hair tickle her chin as they fall asleep entangled in their warm little affection.

But he doesn’t, because she’s scared, and Kiara’s the first to ever change her perspective. To make her wonder if theres more to her heart than just boys, and all he wants is to so badly brush her cheek and kiss away her phantom tears.

“You don’t have to know.” He surprises himself with the gentleness of his voice. Despite his jealousy, his dark disease that rots away under his skin, he masks his anger with a deeper sadness that reflects as numbness across his angry face.

Her eyes flicker up to meet his, and a smile spreads across her face. A smile he so dearly adores.

“What if I don’t ever know?” She asks like he would know, and he doesn’t. Not because he can’t wonder, but because all he’s ever known is her.

“You will.” He promises. His fingers twitch. He almost touches her. Almost. But fear stops him, and instead he lets his stomach twist up in a disgustingly deep grief, a feeling he was so familiar with when it came to losing her he forgot what it felt like because it was all he’d come to know.

“Will you look at me any differently?” She asks timidly. She reaches out to brush the blonde curl out of his face. Her skin is warm, and she rests her palm on his shoulder before sliding it down to interlock their fingers.

She’s like a deer. A shy, but beautiful little thing. Soft and sweet, but destructive when you hit it. He wants to touch her back, but he knows the destruction he would cause. He wants to tease her, but the tears in her eyes scare him, and instead he is forced to share the honesty that he wishes he never spoke.

“How could I ever?”

He thinks of her always, and his fingers twitch, yearning to close the distance between them. He wonders if he she wonders about his sickness too.

She does. Of course she does. She see’s him in everything she does. The waves at the beach, she swears he’s there beneath the barrel of the water, his blonde locks poking out as he crashes down towards the shore. The softness of his usually rough voice. The bitterness in his comments, how he teased her and yelled and tossed his arms around like he could ever scare her.

She looks at him in passing. Wishes math class was still a constant so she could keep scooting her chair closer to his. She wanted him so badly, yearned for his affection, even if it was in private, yet publicly Kiara has swept her away. So she kept her touch fleeting and her eyes wandering.

Everyday she prayed the sickness would be sucked out of her, the way her bones seemed to ache whenever he was away. How could she love someone so mean to her? Yet, she always had, and in their stolen math class glances, secretly she wishes he had asked her first, and instead of the fading scent of Kiara’s sweet perfume she’d grown fond of, it could be the clean scent of his deodorant smeared across her sheets as their limbs became a tender entanglement of sweat and laughter on a hot summer day.

She walks past the docks by the chateau, where the old fishing boat bobbed in the water on calm days like today, and fishing rods lean against rotting wood to dry. Water drips rhythmically, and her eyes catch the building puddle beneath a rusted bucket that rings with every droplet.

Her body hits something hard, a softness cushioning the collision and a soft grunt sounding in the air. She stumbles back, yet a pair of large, rough hands grip her hands so securely, she finds her footing easily.

“Still clumsy I see.” He taunts, and when their eyes lock, it’s the same teasing glance she had been missing so desperately.

“JJ.” She breathes like he’s an angel sent from heaven. Like suddenly the air was clearer.

“Surprised you still remember me, sunshine. Thought Kiara had shaken me out of you.” He grins like a dork, and though the mention of an ex-lover that had ripped out her heart should have hurt, especially with how hard and vulnerable she had loved Kiara, it didn’t. The sting was masked by the swelling in her chest that only ever came when he was around.

“You have a face I could never forget.” She smiles, and her wide eyes search the slope of his nose and the curve of his cheeks. Her sweetness that he cherished so deeply catches him off guard, the warmth from her lips a foreign language from how much time had been stolen from them.

He clears his throat in an attempt to pass the lump.

“You miss me so much you had to come stalk me?” He lifts a brow, and for the first time since she can recall, maybe even since Kiara had ripped her heart out and left nothing but numbness in her ribs, she lets out a laugh. A real, honest laugh. She can’t be surprised though, she can’t recall a time JJ hadn’t made her laugh.

“Maybe I was just reminiscing on our math days. Muscle memory to come bring you your homework I guess.” She smiled brightly, and for a moment, JJ let his act slip, and the teasing smirk became a soft grin.

There was a beat of silence, and then, a deep breath that escaped between her pink lips.

“It’s just nice to get out, you know? It’s been a long couple weeks and I just missed the area. It feels weirdly safe even knowing it doesn’t belong to me, but her.”

JJ thought it was an odd thought to have, how in just barely two weeks a person can completely commit to wiping away their sacred moments at the expense of another. How readily she accepted that she could no longer enjoy the same flowers he did because they were Kiara’s first, and in her mind, she would always let Kiara be happier than she was even if it wasn’t her fault.

He hummed, and his hand twitched the same way it used to when her jeans marked his windowsill. He sighed and looked out at the small boat and the fishing rod he had laid out for this afternoon.

JJ felt something pull at his chest, the way Y/n swayed on her feet like she would turn and leave with her tail between her legs the minute he raised his arm and pointed towards the dirt roads. But as much as he played the part, he would never be that guy, and he never could be.

“Why don’t you come with me today.” He suggested, though, it wasn’t really a question, more like he was telling Y/n she was coming with him.

She looked surprised, her thumb picking at her nails on her pinkies and her lip tugged beneath her teeth.

“JJ, if this is a sympathy thing, really I don’t need it I can just go home.” She began waving her arms around like a mad woman, pointing in directions that made no sense even to her in her flustered state.

JJ raised his pointer and pressed it against her pink lips. They were softer than he recalled from all the times he used to cup his palm over her mouth when her giggles became too bubbly and loud, and sometimes even infectious.

“No, I want you to come. So come.” He nodded, looking at her through his brows, his head tilted down as he pretended to roll his eyes. If only he could have felt the girlish excitement she felt at his sincere words.

“Okay, yeah, I’d like that.” She smiled, her voice softer than before.

For once, when his hand twitched he followed it, and his fingers wrapped around hers tightly, engulfing her palm in his hand. He was bigger than her in all ways, except maybe emotionally, and in some weird way, wanted nothing more than to help her despite feeling sorry for himself.

JJ stole glances as he led Y/n down the dock, his lovesick expression hidden by the way the breeze blew his beach blonde girls over his face. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and kiss her until all she knew were his lips, but that wasn’t fair to her, and he knew it was especially not fair to Kiara, who had been quieter with each passing day. So he pushed it down, and prayed it would go away for just a moment of clarity.

The boat rocked steadily on the water. JJ sat in the back behind the wheel while she sat by the front, the wind blowing her hair back like some cheesy romance movie. The sun hit her skin, sinking in against her freckles and speckling the highlights in her hair. She looked perfect, she looked different, like she carried a sadness so complex, for once JJ didn’t know how to dissect it.

He stopped the boat when he got so far out, nobody could hear them, as if for this very moment in time, they were just a distant memory on the shore.

She stared out at the waves with a thoughtful expression, and JJ wanted to know how to stick his fingers between the curves of her brain.

“Whats going on in that head of yours?” He asked softly, standing up to sit down across from her. Like always, she tucked her legs under her, and sat as small as she could despite the vast space around her she had to stretch out.

She stayed quiet for a moment, and then bit her lip. It was weird, JJ thought it was weird because he knew that look, she showed him her full hand of cards and she hadn’t even realized it because JJ knew that tick. He knew her throat was burning and he knew how badly she longed for the feeling of togetherness that had been missing since Kiara let her walk away.

“I’m just…I’m angry.” She confesses softly. “And I’m not sure if I have the right to be.”

Her eyes met JJ’s, and even now as shes beginning to come undone he swears she only gets more beautiful.

“It’s just so confusing sometimes. It took me so long to come to terms with the fact that I like girls the way I like boys and…I had nobody to tell me it was alright that I was scared. Kiara was already so sure of herself, and I couldn’t tell anyone else because nobody would understand. I felt like maybe I was sick or something. Like I was a problem because I should be proud of it, and everyone should know but I was just figuring it out myself and…maybe I wasn’t ready but I just loved her so damn much.” The truth came spilling out like hot lava, her fear, her acceptance and her pride for her sexuality, yet the loneliness of having not a single hand to hold and the all consuming feelings of utter affection for the woman that opened her eyes.

“Afraid?” JJ couldn’t help but ask. A sob ripped through her throat.

“All I’ve ever wanted was what I’ve been told. A nice house, a husband that loves me and children to care for. I want a real career with a fulfilling reward like a doctor or a scientist. But all of a sudden maybe I don’t because maybe my husband’s my wife and the children don’t exist because all I see is myself traveling the world with Kiara leading the way.” She talks nonsense, her eyes closed while the backs of her wrists work to keep the tears from slipping down her cheeks.

“And it terrifies me because at the same time, all I want is this stupid boy to look at me the way I look at him and I wonder if I really love Kiara or if I love the way she loves me. And I’m guilty all the time, and then just as I’m figuring everything out and spending my time picking flowers for the girl I love more than anyone in the world, she lays her head in my lap and tells me she doesn’t want me anymore.” Her rambling keeps going until it bubbles into desperate breaths and shaky hands. JJ can’t help but reach out for her and pull her in close.

“And the worst part is I’m not sure if I can even feel sorry for her because the whole time while I’m painting rainbows down my arms and finally loving who I love, I’ve been loving this boy too.” She breathes, and suddenly, the tears stop.

“Because as much as I loved her, I couldn’t stop thinking of you.”

JJ freezes, he thinks for a moment he hasn’t heard her right. The same sweet, gentle Y/n who cried about loving Kiara so deeply, who lived in confusion and fear over labeling things she wasn’t ready to label, the same girl who he sat next to every day in math class wishing her lips would be on his had just confessed six words he never thought he’d actually hear.

“What?” He nearly mouthed, all the air struck out of his lungs.

“I love you, JJ Maybank.” She says dejectedly, her shoulders slumping and her cheeks stained from her tears. “And I love Kiara Carrera too.”

They sat in silence for a moment, and then, JJ’s eyes met her.

“Do you remember when you asked me if I’d look at you differently when you first started figuring out you were into girls too?” JJ asked softly. Y/n nodded, wiping her face.

“I told you I wouldn’t, and I meant it. I love you more than anything in this world, as much as I give you shit. Who you love can never change that, because you are so alive and full of it, how could I even try to act differently towards you?” He meant every word.

Neither of them saw her love life as something to be ashamed of. But rather, just a different kind of love, a good different. Maybe JJ wasn’t like her in that sense, maybe he couldn’t like boys and girls like she could, but he knew Y/n and he knew Kiara and he knew just how special both of them were. The people they took to bed could never change his perception of them, and so to see Y/n struggle so deeply after losing the person who made her see who she truly was hurt his heart.

“I have loved you since before I knew what love even was. And I’ll keep loving you until I forget it too.” He confessed, his hands now cupping her jaw so tenderly, holding her together like she might break.

“You are perfect, and I’ve been grieving just the thought of you gone, I can’t imagine how you can’t see how perfect you are too.”

JJ wasn’t the sentimental type, he didn’t have a way with words or know what to say at the right time, but he always knew how to help her, he knew her, and he loved her just like she loved him, and just how she once loved Kiara.

Between heavy breaths, her lips connected with his, a soft, hesitant kiss that you rarely see in the movies, just testing out the waters like it might kill her to swim deeper. But he kissed her back, and pulled her in tightly until her body had to uncurl and wrap around him instead.

When they pulled apart, all he saw was her, and all she tasted was him.

“Will you look at me differently now?” Y/n asked, her voice timid just like it had been all those months ago.

JJ shook his head.

“No, because I’ve always looked at you this way.”

Authors Note: I don’t usually put authors notes at the end of these short writing but I felt this was very important. As someone who has very openly explored their sexuality and experienced periods of time where they felt scared or anxious about figuring it out, it’s okay to not know, and nobody will judge you for not putting a label on anything yet. It’s so important to remember that we all love the same, and it’s such a tender and vulnerable thing to experience. Don’t ever let anyone’s judgment dictate who you decide to love, there’s always someone out there who will support you, maybe you just haven’t met them yet! If anyone is struggling or needs someone to talk to, my inbox is always open and I am always so happy and willing to chat. :) Happy early pride month to all who celebrate!

#jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank fluff #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank x you #jjmaybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #jjmaybankangst #jj maybank x pogue!reader #maybank #maybankxyou #maybankxreader

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oracle-of-dream · 1 year ago

Text

Submissive and huh?

Minors DNI

Summary: Your friend Taerae recently learned a new term and wants your thoughts. Explaining it might help him understand properly, but do you have the strength to tell him.

Warnings: Male Reader, Idol Taerae, Student Reader, Lewd faces/Ahegao, Mention of arousal and breeding

Wordcount: 1.2k

Math classes had been kicking your ass all semester and tutoring from the professor wasn't working out. You'd ended up being assigned a study partner. The program was meant for students struggling with the class to help each other. That's how you met Taerae.

He didn't originally introduce himself as an idol, especially since it was an online class. No one had seen his face. But when you met up with him for the first time to study together, you instantly recognized him from TV. You hit it off over a shared hate for math and spent more time together outside class.

He'd complain about his idol life issues and you'd give him any notes from class he'd missed.

You'd just gotten home from a late-night study session at the library. As if it knew, your phone lit up with a text as you sat on your bed.

TR: Yo! Y/N, I met some fans while out with the members today!

YN: Cool. Don't you meet fans wherever you go?

TR: Well these stuck out!

YN: How?

TR: Well, I noticed them, a bunch of guys, giggling in the convenience store and pointing at me and Hao while we were shopping. I didn't want to embarrass them so I just played it cool and ignored them. But then they came up to me!

YN: Okay, some brave fans? That's it?

TR: Just wait a sec!

TR: They came to me and told me they were fans. But more specifically, MY fans! Of course, I was happy to hear, but they were foreigners because they used a term I didn’t know.

YN: What term?

TR: Submissive and Breedable?

TR: I know what submissive means, they mean I'm not an aggressive person. That's not entirely true, but I'm submissive at times.

You looked at your phone, blinking a few times. Some "fans" dared to say that!?

TR: I can't find anything when I look it up, it's probably slang, right?

Maybe telling him that his fans want to breed him wasn't the best thing to tell your friend. He was just too wholesome for that.

YN: Yeah, it is, but it's not something cool. No one says it really, it's not the trend anymore.

TR: Really? I know trends, I'm not old, but I haven’t heard of that.

YN: See? There's no reason to worry, just fans being weird.

TR: Well, the photo they wanted was also...off.

YN: Off how?

TR: They wanted me to stick my tongue out and look up at the camera, which was super high above me. To be honest–it felt a little embarrassing to pose like that.

You shook your head trying not to imagine his cute self making lewd faces for a group of boys, but it was hard. And so were you.

YN: You should be more careful, they could use photos like that weirdly.

TR: What do you mean?

YN: Let's drop it. Subject change, what are you doing now?

TR: I'm getting ready for bed, I just got under the covers.

You looked at the clock, midnight was on its face.

YN: Oh shit, I didn't even realize. You should sleep!

TR: No, no, I'm pretty awake. Plus, it's nice talking to you. Did you want to video call while you get ready for bed?

You’d done it before, talking on video call into the night, but it was always a little like Taerae just wanted to see you.

YN: Sure, I'll call you.

You pressed the video call button on your phone. It showed your reflection as you waited, automatically you straightened your hair a little and kicked some stuff on the floor out of frame.

Taerae answered the phone with a smile, the camera close to his face.

You laughed as you set your phone on your desk, "Well hello to you too, why so close?"

"No reason, I just want to see you closely."

"Well, I can see you so closely I can count your pores," You scoffed as you went into your closet to find pajamas for the night.

"Is it weird I'm holding it so close?"

"A little, but it's no big deal. If you don't wanna show yourself then why'd you wanna video call?"

Taerae didn't answer.

"Are you still thinking about what those guys said?"

He shuffled in bed, "Mmhm."

"I promise it's nothing bad."

"Then why don't you just tell me?"

You sighed, "Okay, fine, I'll spill."

Taerae's eyes peered curiously at the camera as he waited for you to come out of your closet. You settled on wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt and shorts. You returned to find Taerae's eyes filled with impatience.

You swallowed awkwardly, "You already know what the submissive part means, but the other part..."

"Breedable," Taerae reminded you.

"Yeah–It means," You struggled to find a good way to break it to him with that look in his eyes. So full of trust and purity. "It means, they wanna do it with you."

Taerae's expression dropped into surprise, "Oh, that's it? I read about that kind of stuff of fans wanting me to have sex with them. That's not so bad."

"Well, breedable means, specifically where you'd be the one getting fucked. Likely by a man. Who wants to... finish in you."

You couldn't bring yourself to look at the screen to see his expression. He'd fallen silent, thinking of a response. It felt like ten minutes passed until he broke the silence.

Taerae's voice was deep and serious, "Y/n."

"Yeah?"

"Look at the screen." You looked at the screen to see Taerae in bed, holding the camera above him to show off his shirtless torso that was mostly covered by the bed sheet except for his collarbone and neck. "Am I breedable right now?"

You felt warm in your face as you answered, "Yeah, I-I guess."

"Submissive, too?"

"Sure," You said as you looked down at your hands.

"Yes or no! Sure isn't good enough, and look at me!"

You complied, looking at him. He smiled before making a face; his eyes looking up at the camera as he stuck out his tongue and held up a peace sign with his other hand.

"Jesus, Taerae!" You looked away quickly. Your heart was in your ears, pounding as the image of sweet Taerae's lewd face was plastered behind your eyelids.

He laughed loudly. "I am, aren't I? Submissive and breedable. I take it as a compliment, they like me that much! To be honest, you look all shy... You look a little submissive too."

You moved your phone so he couldn't see you anymore.

"I was kidding! Don't hide from me!" Taerae's muffled voice shouted from the speaker of your phone.

After you calmed down, you turned your phone back over to see him still there. Still shirtless, and holding his phone at the same seductive angle.

"You're so weird!" You yelled at Taerae, who just giggled.

"And you still like me anyway. Even with all my breedable energy."

"I'm going to hang up–"

"What!? We gotta see you do the pose too, what if you're more breedable than me, we should test how–"

You cut him off as you pressed the red dial button. You turned your phone off before he could call you again. You lay in bed, alone in the dark, thinking about Taerae's face.

And in the privacy of your home, you test if you can also feel submissive and breedable, making Taerae's new iconic look. A secret he'll never know about... As if you didn't already have a big secret.

#oracle of dreams #kpop x male reader #kpop x male reader smut #x reader #x male reader #x male y/n #male reader #kpop male idol #kpop male reader #zb1 #zb1 x reader #zb1 taerae #kim taerae #taerae x reader #zerobaseone taerae #taerae smut

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shanklin · 4 months ago

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"What if Stan gives Shanklin a Mini Mr. Mystery outfit? The two be twinning!"

Dear 500-word-ask!anon from my inbox. Have my answer for the first 14 words.

Selfish Shellfish AU - Masterpost

Shanklin found him. Somehow, hundreds of miles away from home, Shanklin found him.

Soos almost ran him over on accident but Stan took the steering wheel at the very last second and turned it around.

The sudden drift and following emergency brake had them almost break right through the windshield, but Stan didn’t care about his bruised shoulder and bleeding head. He recognized that screeching grin anywhere.

He threw himself out of the car and stumbled onto the street, frantically looking around for his friend.

“Shanklin! SHANKLIN!”

It wasn’t just his imagination, right? Stan was certain he saw his little possum. Stan turned around and ran back to the car. Did they hit him? Did he kill another member of his family?

Stan sank to the ground. Please please don’t let it be true. Not Shanklin. Stan closed his eyes tightly and tried to block out the world around him until he felt little pricks on his thigh, little claws scratching his pants and the skin underneath.

A tiny furry body squeezed itselfs into a gap in between his curled up body and nestled comfortably on his lap.

Stan cradled the possum into his arms, hid his face in the scruffy fur and wept silently. Shanklin came back to him. For him.

Soos suggested Shanklin might be magical, some sort of animal wizard or something, and Stan couldn’t help but agree.

“You really are magic, aren’t you? The smartest, most mysterious possum the world has ever seen!”

In response, the banana piece Shanklin was messily chewing on fell out of his mouth and he bit on the fabric in Stan's hands instead.

“Hey, that’s for the show, stop that! HEY!”

It took much more effort than expected to get Shanklin into the Mini Mr. Mystery outfit. For a super smart magical wizard pet he sure acted like a wild animal sometimes.No matter, Stan had succeeded and Shankling looked, quite honestly, really damn cute. Stan had been hoping for a more cool aesthetic, but the little hat, tie and suit combo was just adorable and matched his own perfectly.

Stan tried not to think about how much Grauntie Mabel would love it. How proud she would be, if things were different. She had taught him all about making comfortable clothes for animals, when Ford had kicked him out of their shared room in the attic that one time.

He, Fidds and Grunkle Dipper needed more space for an all night DD&mD extravaganza, so Stan had to go.

Back then Stan had tried to ask if he could join but chickened out at the last minute.

“Stan, don't touch that. Those are some highly advanced calculations for later game play. I don’t want them all messed up. You wouldn’t understand”

Stan took a look at the sheets and it was true. Nothing on them made a lick of sense, but he had hoped they could just do the math for him and he could still be there for the fun bits.

The fun bits being the times when Stan heard them laughing and screaming in delight. The ones that became inside jokes that no one explained to Stan. And if he would asked them to, they’d just laugh harder.

But they were right, Stan wouldn’t understand. He’d just mess everything up.

So he went downstairs, where Grauntie Mabel made him a warm chocolatey Mabel Juice variant and taught him all about how to sew in an emergency, in case you see a cute animal that would be even cuter in a little blazer.

Sewing and creating miniature outfits was surprisingly fun and when he heard laughter from above and Grauntie Mabel put her arms around him in sympathy, he felt not as alone as usual.

“I know it’s hard,” she told him looking pained, “but we need to let those nerds do their own thing. If we go and force them to do stuff they don’t want to, it will just end badly for all of us. I’ve been through it before and trust me. This is for the best.”

Stan leaned into her and let himself be comforted by her warmth.

Stan did not tell her that he just wanted to play with them and not force them to do something else.

And he did not ask her why she constantly agreed with Dipper's plans then, even though she clearly didn’t want to.

“Okay, I trust you.” he said instead and got rewarded with a kiss on his head and a cuddle.

Mini Mr. Mystery was a blazing success!

Everyone loved Shanklin, even if he almost ate his hat halfway through the show.

If his luck streak continued, Stan would soon make enough money to pay Soos back for all that he had wasted on him.

Stan took a bow and held Shanklin out to the crowd who squeaked in protest.

The “awws” in response were justified. His Shanklin was adorable!

“Look at you and your twin!”

Shanklin started to squirm. Stan held him tighter and forced a grin.

“Almost identical. You can barely tell them apart.”

oh don’t be silly. it’s easy. the freak with the glasses is the smart one and the one who looks like he can’t count to three is the spare

The crowd laughed.

mocking laughter, red cheeks, six fingered hands hiding away

“So if you’re the creative one then that must make this little guy the smart one right?”

don’t you ever call him that again

Stan's grip loosened and Shanklin attacked, jumping right onto the worst offender, scratching and biting.

or i’ll make sure you won’t live long enough to regret it

The crowd jumped and screamed as the possum ran through, attacking everyone that looked like a threat. In midst the panic a path formed and Stan ran until his legs gave out.

Shanklin was still by his side when he finally collapsed and cuddled up next to him. Stan pet his head, now free of the fez.

Maybe Stan just wasn’t cut out for this twinning thing.

Later Soos would find them both fast asleep under a park tree. He swore up and down that Shanklin showed him the way and Stan swore that he never left his side.

#Selfish Shellfish AU #stanley pines #shanklin #ask #technically. i need some more time for thr rest XD #i tried to write in past tense and kept confusing myself #soos picked up stan after he ran from jersey and now theyre more or less on an extended road trip #stan liked tourist traps so much he ended up making his own travelling tourist trap and now shanklins there #or something. i should've gone to bed hours ago.#if none of this make senss ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#good night #gravity falls #relativity falls

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cuubism · 5 months ago

Text

Jayce-with-anxiety is in my head so here's my porn manifesto about the matter. I hope you like it

d/s, developing relationship, not-negotiated-at-all kink, t4t jayvik

theories and findings [AO3]

The unveiling of the first Hexgate is in two days, and Jayce is… maybe spiraling. A little.

Sometimes he gets like that. Even when there’s no real need. The Hexgate is ready to be shown, after all. It’s been in final testing phase for a while, and he’s tested every core function he can imagine, tested every edge case, every minuscule possibility, beat the ever-loving crap out of the thing to make sure it could stand up to heavy use and tolerate mistakes by non-scientists trying to work it. It holds up. He knows it holds up.

But he needs it to work, at the key moment. Needs it not to fail him. The entire future of their research depends on having this product to show for the past several years of funding.

Viktor doesn’t seem worried. He trusts the numbers. Jayce trusts the numbers too, really, it’s just the investors that are the wildcards. As he’s been learning more and more, other people don’t always trust the numbers—unless those numbers are dollar signs.

He should be finalizing his speech. Instead, for what feels like the fifteenth time that day, he gets up from his chair in the lab, grabbing his toolkit to go do— he doesn’t even know what. Take the Hexgate apart for the nine millionth time and make sure all the screws are exactly 12.3 milligrams in weight? Or something. He has stress dreams about that shit. Even with all the math they’ve constructed to understand magic, it can still be frustratingly hard to predict. Sometimes magic takes huge imprecisions and simply works around them. Sometimes a screw is 12.2 milligrams instead of 12.3 and the entire thing fucking blows up.

(His lab notebook shows both that the mass of the screws isn’t actually one of those wildcard variables and that they’ve all measured in at exactly 12.300 milligrams the last six times he’s weighed them, but never mind.)

He’s halfway across the room, toolkit in hand, when Viktor says, “Jayce! Put that down.”

Jayce drops the toolkit.

It flies open, wrenches and screwdrivers and nuts and bolts scattering everywhere in an enormous crash. Viktor turns to stare at him, putting down whatever he was tinkering with, as Jayce winces.

“I meant… on the table,” Viktor says slowly.

Jayce clears his throat, voice unexpectedly tight. “Right.”

“You don’t need to check over the parts again,” Viktor continues, as Jayce bends to start collecting the fallen tools. “The machine works. Your own data prove it.”

“I know. It’s just.” He dumps some bolts into the bottom of the toolkit. He’ll have to reorganize them by size later. When he’s not kneeling on the floor. “What if it doesn’t?” How to explain that for all he ought to be a scientist, putting all his faith in the test results, he can’t stop himself from imagining every possible branching future scenario, every world where there’s a flaw in the device he didn’t foresee, where it breaks, where it explodes, where it simply doesn’t work, or, somehow worse, where it does work but no one sees its majesty, where they think Hextech is a disappointment, a waste of money and time after all, where they don’t get it, and pull their funding, or decide it’s dangerous like they’d believed before and all their work gets dismantled—

He’s frozen halfway through putting some wrenches away, and forces his hands to start moving again.

“I would take you to do another test run, but it doesn’t seem like that would soothe you,” Viktor muses.

Jayce finally snaps the kit shut again. “You’re not worried at all?”

“About the Hexgate functioning as promised? No. I suppose, eh… other people are harder to predict.”

Exactly.

“But it seems to me this machine is exactly what ‘other people’ wanted,” Viktor continues, “so there is little cause for concern as to their reaction.”

Jayce stands, toolkit in hand. “What do you mean, it’s what other people wanted? You aren’t happy with the Hexgate?”

Viktor shrugs. “It’s an exceptional piece of engineering that proves the functionality of Hextech and, I am sure, will make investors very happy. Still, Hextech can do more.”

He’s right. Hextech can do more. But Jayce needs to get through this use case with his sanity intact first. “Let’s come back to that three days from now?”

Viktor nods. “There is cause for celebration, too, of course,” he says. “It’s a monumental achievement, Jayce.”

“I’ll celebrate once it’s over with,” Jayce says, and goes to scrub his hands over his face with a tired groan—

—dropping the toolkit again in the process.

Maybe he should just go home.

Before he can move to pick the kit up again, Viktor says, “Leave that and come look at this. Perhaps it will distract you.”

“I need to—”

“Come over here.”

Though he doesn’t say it sharply, something about the command of Viktor’s voice has Jayce scrambling to obey. Viktor studies him with a strange look in his eye, but doesn’t say anything as Jayce goes over to his workstation, leans over his shoulder, studies the small device on the table before him.

“It’s a… hex-powered hinge of some kind?”

“It’s for my knee,” Viktor says. “To reduce friction in the brace. Though… I haven’t worked out all of the kinks yet.”

Viktor hadn’t worn a leg brace when they’d met—at least not one substantial enough to be worn over his clothes—but he does now, and has moved from a cane to a proper crutch, too. Jayce worries about it, but Viktor never seems to appreciate it when he verbalizes his concerns.

He studies the hinge. Its pieces are incredibly small, so Jayce can’t tell from a glance what might be wrong with it, but the Hexgem clearly isn’t connecting to all of the wiring correctly.

“Perhaps you will have better luck in fixing it. Fresh eyes are always beneficial,” Viktor says, handing it to him.

Jayce is grateful for any distraction that doesn’t involve taking apart the Hexgate yet again, so he takes the device back to his workstation.

It’s only twenty minutes later, as he’s holding it under a magnifying glass, soldering one of its tiny pieces with a tiny blowtorch, that he realizes. “Hang on. You broke this on purpose to distract me.”

“Oops,” Viktor says.

“Viktor.”

“Yes, I finished it this morning,” Viktor admits, unrepentant. “Did you fix it yet?”

“That’s not the—”

Viktor raises an eyebrow.

“…No, not yet.”

“Finish fixing it, then,” Viktor says, and turns back to his work.

Jayce lets out a frustrated breath, but does as he says. Why, why do as he says? He should just give Viktor the thing back to fix himself— or throw it at him, honestly.

He doesn’t. He fixes it.

It takes him a few hours—about thirty minutes of that spent fixing, the rest spent studying the intricate design of the joint, and seriously when did Viktor even have time to make this? It’s so tiny and precise, barely larger than the Hexgem that powers it, and nearly weightless in his hand.

Eventually he goes to give it back—and finds Viktor with his drafted speech in hand, marking it up.

“You could give a speech yourself, you know,” Jayce says as he places the little hinge down in front of him.

“Hmm. I don’t think so,” Viktor says. He makes a final note on the speech. “This is cleaner, now. Though you should proofread it to make sure it is in your voice.”

“I hate writing speeches,” Jayce says, putting the papers aside. Secretly relieved that Viktor’s finished it up.

“But you are good at giving them.”

The praise strikes deep on this day when he feels so keyed up. And on an element of the presentation he feels less sure of, too. The work he can feel confident in—when he stops overthinking it—but presentation, he’s learning, is as important as substance, unfortunately. He can’t just make it right, he has to deliver it right.

“Help me install this,” Viktor says, picking up the little joint device.

Jayce startles. Help him? Viktor never—

Oh. Great. It’s another bid to distract him.

“Fine,” he says anyway.

He expects Viktor to take his leg brace off and set it on the workstation. Instead, he gives Jayce a long, considering look. Then pushes him down by the shoulder.

Jayce goes, more surprised than anything, falling to his knees before where Viktor’s sat in his desk chair. His breath rushes out of him. But Viktor doesn’t say anything else about it, just swivels the chair so the outside of his knee is angled toward Jayce.

“This gear here,” he says, gesturing to the brace’s hinge at the bend of his knee. “It rotates when I walk, but there is too much friction.”

“Don’t you want there to be some resistance so it offers support instead of just… folding?” Jayce asks.

“Eh, some, when I’m standing, but it should rotate smoothly when walking. This—” he picks up the new joint piece “—locks into place while stationary but turns easily in motion. Or, it should.” He gives it to Jayce, as well as a tiny screwdriver so he can dismantle the existing pieces. “Install it and we’ll see if it works as intended.”

Jayce takes the new joint piece reverently. Viktor never asks for his help with his braces. And sure, it’s a diversion to stop him from overthinking about the presentation, but still. Still.

Jayce carefully unscrews the existing hinge. He sets the old gears aside on the table, lining each tiny screw up so they won’t get lost. Then places the new Hexgear.

It takes a bit of finicking with to get it properly aligned; the fit is precise. Then he screws it into place, snapping each part of the broader hinge back where it belongs. Everything connects perfectly, of course. Viktor designed it, after all.

The Hexgem lights up as the metal pieces seal in place. Power crackles along the entirety of the brace, prickling at his skin, then fades.

“Test it out,” Viktor says, voice hushed.

Jayce takes Viktor’s calf in gentle hands. God, he’s skinny. Has he always been this thin, as long as Jayce has known him? Viktor is not a fragile person, in fact Jayce often feels breakable in comparison to Viktor’s seemingly iron determination—but holding him like this, Viktor feels almost brittle.

It won’t be a proper test unless Viktor actually stands up and walks. Real friction, and all. But Jayce slowly bends his knee up, then back down. The hinge turns smoothly, no creaking, the Hexgem glowing softly.

“How does it feel?” he asks.

“Marginal improvement,” Viktor says, but there’s a secret smile tugging at his lips. “Thank you, Jayce. Excellent lab assistant work.”

“Haha.” There is something satisfying, though, about helping him. Not in the lab. Like this.

Like this, Viktor’s leg still cradled between his hands. Looking up at him, because he’s still kneeling, and seeing the light change in Viktor’s eyes, that teasing appreciation shifting to something… deeper.

Jayce feels pinned by his gaze. As if mesmerized, Viktor reaches out to touch his temple. Pushes an errant strand of hair back behind his ear.

“I do not think you can give a presentation like this, Jayce,” he teases. Fingertips still lightly touching Jayce’s face, as Jayce’s hands are still on his leg. “You look disheveled.”

“Whose fault is that, making me get on the floor?” The words do not come out in the teasing, light way he intends. Instead, Viktor’s gaze pulls something scraped and wanting from the depths of his throat. Something he didn’t even know was there, until Viktor brought it forth.

Viktor’s fingers trail from his temple down the back of his neck. Jayce shivers. It’s a feeling not unlike the jolt up his spine when Viktor had told him, put that down! Come over here. Normally, they are so in sync. Have been from almost the moment they met. But sometimes recently it’s felt like their gears are catching instead of turning smoothly together. Like there’s something in the way of a proper alignment, something Jayce wants to get out of the way but can’t because he can’t even tell what it is.

When Viktor’s hand clasps around the back of his neck, it’s like the gears skid and slip and click back together. Turning again as one.

“You feel tense,” Viktor says, fingertips probing his trapezius muscles, the touch painful for how deep he presses. “Too much time spent bent over a desk.”

“Hypocrite,” Jayce says.

“Well, yes. Which is why I know it hurts.” His voice isn’t sympathetic exactly, though, as he keeps pressing into the knots in Jayce’s muscles. It’s not lacking in sympathy. But that’s only a low note in his tone—the surface sounds more like curiosity, like the way his voice ticks up in interest and appeal when they get magic to dance just so at their fingertips. Excitement. Almost. “I can fix it.”

“What?”

“Get up,” Viktor says, and for some reason Jayce just does. He stands, and then Viktor stands, too, taking up his crutch from where it’s leaning against his workstation. He walks a few steps, testing their modification to the brace. “Hmm,” he says. “Better variable resistance.”

“…Good?” Jayce says. He has no idea what’s going on. But as Viktor starts walking to the door, saying “Come on, Jayce,” he follows.

“Where are we going?”

“To my rooms. Or yours. I have no preference.”

“Why?”

Viktor slants him a look that’s almost mischievous as he pushes open the door. “Do you have any objections?”

It’s not like they haven’t been to each other’s Academy apartments before. And something in Viktor’s expression compels him forward. “No?”

“Good.” And he leaves the room, leaving Jayce to catch up.

Jayce walks beside him through the halls, intentionally going slower than he normally would on his own. He often has to slow himself down beside other people, both in the lab and in person. He doesn’t have to slow himself down in the lab with Viktor. They can always keep up with each other, and it’s brilliant.

He does walk slower, though, and not only because of Viktor’s leg. The peril of being tall—and always in a rush—is that he constantly has to remind himself not to outpace other people. It doesn’t feel annoying when it’s Viktor, though.

In any case, despite the fact that Jayce could outpace him, it feels more like Viktor is leading him.

Viktor’s rooms are closer to the lab, so they end up there. Academy rooms are a bit sparse in general, and Viktor’s in particular—little in the way of decoration, only books, paperwork, small inventions on shelves and spare tools. Even his kitchen table is just covered in wiring and screws and half-finished projects. Really, both of them tend to spend most of their time in lab.

“How do you feel,” Viktor asks, as Jayce closes the door behind them, “about a back massage?”

“A what?” Jayce did hear him, though, so Viktor doesn’t repeat himself. He waits.

Truthfully Jayce doesn’t feel any particular way about any type of massage. The kinks in his back will work themselves out if he does some stretches.

But he looks at Viktor’s fine hand wrapped the handle of his crutch. The expectant look on his face, almost knowing. Something unnameable shivers up Jayce’s spine, much like when Viktor had touched the back of his neck. He feels almost out of his body. His heart gives a heavy thump.

“…Okay,” he says at last. What is he doing? No, actually, what is he doing.

Following Viktor to his bedroom, apparently.

When they work together, it’s like a dance trading off—one leading the line of thought one moment, then the other taking it and drawing it further, and back and forth. Now it’s like Viktor has seized the leading role in the waltz, his hand firmly clasped around Jayce’s shoulder through the turn.

There’s a strange peace in following. In the pattern of Jayce’s steps steered by Viktor’s thoughts. Their work is in innovation, and Jayce is always taking first steps, day after day after day. There’s a relief in letting Viktor take this one.

He’s been to Viktor’s apartment, but not his bedroom. It’s as minimal as the rest of the space. Viktor stops by the bed, leaning his crutch on the nightstand.

“Take off your shirt,” he says.

Mechanically, Jayce obeys, undoing his tie, his waistcoat, his shirt—damn these elaborate Academy uniforms—and kicking off his shoes for good measure. For his part, Viktor stays clothed, other than taking off his shoes, but he does loosen his tie, and Jayce finds his eyes drawn to the hollow of his throat as it’s revealed.

“Go lie down, Jayce,” Viktor says. This feels less like an order; it’s softer. Nevertheless Jayce does what he says, feeling the weight of Viktor’s eyes on his back. He lies facedown—Viktor’s bed is surprisingly comfortable, for Academy furniture—face cushioned on a pillow that smells like Viktor, on the rare occasions Jayce has gotten close enough to notice.

Once again he asks himself what the hell he’s doing. But he doesn’t get up.

Viktor kneels beside him on the bed. He’s acquired massage oil from somewhere—“I use it for my leg,” he says before Jayce can ask—and pours some out, warming it between his palms. Jayce can only just see his movement out of the corner of his eye.

He doesn’t ask if Viktor is physically capable of doing this, or kneeling on the bed, or anything else. He’s learned that the less he asks the more likely Viktor is to volunteer the information, if in a roundabout way. It would be more efficient to do multiple tests back to back translates to I can’t walk back and forth between the lab and the Hexgate ten times in a row today; I will run the tests, you take notes on the board means standing for hours is hard right now. Jayce isn’t always good at picking up on the subtleties in what people say, but he tries to pay attention.

“Normally, deep tissue work does cause some pain as the knots are worked out of the muscles,” Viktor says, “but you should tell me if it seriously hurts.”

Jayce nods, face still pushed into the pillow.

Then Viktor gets to work.

His hands glide over Jayce’s back in long, smooth strokes. Jayce groans, despite himself, then lets out an involuntary “Fuck!” as the heel of Viktor’s hand catches on a knot in his shoulder blade that must be deep for how much it hurts.

“Tighter than I thought,” Viktor says idly, then attacks the muscle, working his fingers in deep. It does hurt, and Jayce almost tells him to stop—until the moment he feels the muscle knot break apart, that part of his back suddenly looser than it’s been in ages.

“Fuck,” he moans again, this time with relief. “Viktor.”

Viktor shifts, swinging a leg over so he’s straddling Jayce’s thighs. “What are you doing?” Jayce asks. His words sound slurred.

“Our work is hardly finished, Jayce,” Viktor says, and, with more vigor, starts massaging the middle of Jayce’s back, up and along his spine. Fuck but it feels good. It hurts, but it’s the deep, satisfying pain of a long day spent working. Of hours in the forge, working stress out on yielding metal, his arms burning by the time he puts down the hammer.

Viktor’s hands are clearly skilled, alternately blunt or refined depending on which muscle he’s working on. Jayce’s shoulder actually clicks as Viktor digs into the muscle there, his neck spasms as Viktor presses on it with his thumbs, and okay, maybe Jayce was more sore than he realized. They’ve been a bit busy lately.

For a while Jayce spaces out pleasantly. He almost forgets that this is kind of weird, that this isn’t what they do—it doesn’t really feel weird, when they’re doing it. It feels natural. Viktor seems to have forgotten that entirely: he’s going at Jayce’s back like he does any problem in the lab, powering through with blunt determination until it’s solved.

Jayce jolts back to awareness as Viktor’s hands find his hips, thumbs digging into the muscles above the waistband of his pants. “Viktor…?” he says, but then something compels him to quiet. Viktor’s thumbs press into his lower back, long, slow strokes, gentler than before. Static prickles up Jayce’s spine, down his legs and arms, echoes of a pressure point being triggered.

“Is that better?” Viktor asks. Now his voice is rough, caught in his throat.

“Y-yeah,” Jayce says, and clears his throat. “Thanks.”

Viktor keeps pressing there, low on his spine. Jayce feels hyperaware of the weight of him on the backs of his thighs, the way he’s pinned; mouth drying, breath catching.

Should he…?

He never hesitates with Viktor where science is involved. But people, connection, friendship… all of that is a bit harder. Harder to know where he stands, easier to misjudge, misstep.

“You… have nice hands,” Jayce says, and immediately winces. But when he speaks, Viktor’s voice has a smile curled in it.

“You have very nice muscles, when they aren’t so tense,” he says.

“Yeah,” Jayce says shakily. He thinks he’d agree with anything Viktor said right now. “You… really know what you’re doing.”

Viktor’s hand slides up his spine, up his neck, digs into his hair. Jayce gasps as his head is pulled to the side—not roughly, but firmly. Viktor leans down over him; Jayce can see him out of one eye now. “Jayce…” he says, like he’s considering something. Jayce loves the way he says his name. Long, slow, and drawn out.

His voice comes out all thin and breathy. He feels drawn tight as a violin string, and he doesn’t know what will happen if Viktor tries to pluck it. “Yeah?”

“Tell me when to stop.”

And Viktor leans down and bites Jayce’s mouth.

It’s really a kiss, but it feels more like a bite. He nips Jayce’s lower lip, sweeps his tongue into his mouth, assertive and sure. In this, too, it seems Viktor knows what he’s doing. Jayce can’t say the same, but he’s hardly thinking about that—he’s thinking about Viktor’s hand still in his hair, and the heat of his lips.

Viktor pulls away, and Jayce takes a heaving breath. No part of his body is properly working, everything fizzy and startled and wanting. He can’t believe this is happening, but now that it is, it feels right. A key turning perfectly in a lock, their misaligned gears finally clicking back into perfect alignment.

Jayce’s position is awkward, but he manages to reach a hand up to clasp Viktor’s where it’s buried in his hair. Viktor waits for him to speak.

Jayce’s heart is pounding, but he says, “Don’t stop.”

Viktor kisses him again, deeper, fist clenched tight in his hair. Then when they part, he loosens his grip enough that he can prod at Jayce’s shoulder and get him to turn over, then settles down again, this time on Jayce’s hips. He barely gives Jayce a moment to cope with that before he’s leaning back down to take Jayce’s face between his hands, kissing him again, hungrier, starving.

Jayce finally gets enough control of his limbs to get his hands in Viktor’s hair. It’s softer than he would have expected, and delightful to pull on, especially when doing so keeps Viktor’s mouth pressed to his, their breaths mingling, lips smearing wetly together.

When Viktor pulls away to breathe, he stays close, looking down into Jayce’s eyes. The world is spinning, but Jayce tries to get his bearings. His hands fall to Viktor’s waist.

“Viktor…” he breathes.

Viktor traces a fingertip along his lip, as if catching the words themselves. Then, gaze intense like he’s evaluating the results of an experiment, he pushes his finger into Jayce’s mouth, laying it flat on his tongue.

Jayce is definitely- definitely behind Viktor’s curve here. Operating on little but vague instinct and supposition, he sucks Viktor’s finger deeper in his mouth, enjoying the way Viktor’s eyes darken in response. He pushes a second finger in, stroking Jayce’s tongue, and Jayce tries to breathe but doesn’t entirely succeed at it.

Viktor pulls his fingers free, saliva trailing to them from Jayce’s lips. Jayce can’t look away from them. He tries not to think about it, usually. Thoughts pushed so so so far down it’s like they’re not even there.

Now he’s wondering what else Viktor might do with those fingers.

Jayce is getting hard and wet under him, if he’s not careful Viktor will soon be able to tell, if he can’t already—but he doesn’t seem to mind. In fact he shifts his weight in Jayce’s lap, grinding down, and Jayce has to bite his lower lip, hard, because he might whimper otherwise.

Viktor’s lips curl up in a very pleased smile. “Jayce,” he says, again that slow drag of his tongue over Jayce’s name.

Jayce shivers. He’s coming to realize that Viktor is… much more experienced. He’d thought they were more on the same page, as they were similar in so many other things. But he should never assume an answer, that’s a core principle of science.

“Viktor,” he says in reply. It comes out significantly more choked than Viktor’s voice.

Viktor’s expression pinches. Jayce doesn’t know what he said to cause that look.

“What?” he says.

“Have you done this before?” Viktor asks.

“Uh,” Jayce says, feeling himself flush, “no.”

“…Oh,” Viktor says, one soft word.

Jayce can’t help but feel like he’s ruining everything, even if he hasn’t actually done anything. Well, not having done anything is actually the problem. He doesn’t necessarily want Viktor to stop. “Is that— surprising to you?”

Viktor considers, then says, “Yes.”

Great, now Jayce is making it weird just with his entire existence. “I’m—”

“No, don’t say that,” Viktor interrupts. Then, softer, “Don’t say that.”

Jayce isn’t actually sorry about it, he just— he doesn’t want to ruin things. Being in the moment of this is making him realizing how deeply he wants it.

Viktor digs a hand into his hair again, but gentler this time. “Don’t let me push you around.”

“Maybe I like it,” Jayce says, feeling overly bold.

Viktor huffs. “Perhaps,” he says. “If so, perhaps you would like this.”

He leans back down, hands in Jayce’s hair, scratching his scalp, and kisses under his jaw, sucking a mark into his skin. Jayce makes a mortifying whimpering sound, clutching at the back of Viktor’s neck. He bites his lip as Viktor goes down, nipping his way down his neck, to the hollow above his collarbone, laving his tongue over the skin. Jayce squirms under him, feeling out of control of his body, hips grinding up involuntarily against Viktor.

It’s disconcerting to feel like that—out of control. But Viktor digs his hand deeper into Jayce’s hair, tugs hard. “That’s it,” he says, and Jayce feels, in some backwards way, that he must be doing something right. If Viktor is talking to him like that, he must be. “That’s it, Jayce. That feels good, doesn’t it?”

“Y- yeah.” It does. Viktor knows what he’s doing far more than Jayce does, but maybe that’s good, he doesn’t have to worry as much about it. He can rely on Viktor’s experience.

He feels bold enough to rest a hand low on Viktor’s hip, tugging him closer, grinding up against him. It’s not enough, not with their clothes on, he needs more.

“Mmm, yes,” Viktor hums, lips brushing Jayce’s ear. “Go ahead and undo my trousers.”

He lifts his hips far enough off Jayce for Jayce to get his hand between them. He manages to undo the buttons on Viktor’s trousers, slips a hand in, fingers pushing inelegantly through Viktor’s folds. He’s worried he’s doing it wrong right from the start, but Viktor moans, the sound ringing through Jayce’s body like a bell. That sound, he could live for that sound.

“Very good,” Viktor praises, voice hitching over the words. “Now. Allow me.”

His hand finds the buttons on Jayce’s trousers, and he undoes them one by one, pushing Jayce’s underwear down. He slips his hand in, slim fingers exploring, circling his thumb over his cock lightly, but surely.

Jayce trembles under him. He can’t— can’t focus well enough to figure out what he’s supposed to be doing. He just stays still, keeping his hand flat, and Viktor ruts against his palm, somehow able to multitask well enough to do all that and go back to sucking on Jayce’s throat. Jayce can’t even multitask enough to form words.

“Shh,” Viktor says, though he decidedly hasn’t said anything. “You’re not allowed to think.”

“I’m not allowed to think?”

“No, you must be quiet.”

Jayce doesn’t know how to do that. “But—”

“Shh.” Viktor nudges his hand away, shifts positions, abandoning his efforts in grinding down on Jayce's hand in favor of working his hand deeper into Jayce's pants, his own trouser buttons open and showing a peek of hair leading down and-

Well now Jayce can’t think.

“Quiet,” Viktor repeats. “Quiet.” Kissing his cheek, his ear, his temple, then finally his lips.

Jayce falls into his voice. He lets Viktor’s words, his breath, surround him, holds Viktor tight by the hips as Viktor works him, finally manages to get enough of his wits about him to grind his hips up into the movement of Viktor's hand. He closes his eyes, hears himself making breathy sounds and desperate moans that barely sound like his own voice. He feels the curve of Viktor’s smile at the sound.

Viktor’s hand slides into his hair again, gripping tightly, holding Jayce’s head still as he kisses him. Not that Jayce would have moved, he’s paralyzed by the weight of Viktor on top of him. Frozen in place by the fact that this is even happening, Viktor’s tongue sweeping into his mouth and Viktor’s hand wet with his fluids and— oohhh, gods. He’s gonna pass out.

Viktor tugs on his hair. “You’re still thinking.”

“Sorry.”

Viktor grazes his teeth over Jayce’s ear. Jayce whimpers.

“Jayce.” Viktor’s voice sends shivers down the back of Jayce’s neck. “Let go.”

Jayce takes his hands off Viktor’s hips.

Viktor chuckles. “I meant it metaphorically.”

“Oh.”

“I don’t want you to think,” Viktor says. “I want this to be good for you.”

“Well, what about you?”

Viktor’s lips curl in a smile. “This is already good for me. Can I move you?”

“Y- yeah.”

Viktor climbs off his lap, wincing slightly as he bends his leg, but Jayce knows better than to call him out on it. And besides he doesn’t think he wants Viktor to stop either way.

Viktor slips between his thighs instead. He tugs Jayce’s trousers and underwear off, and Jayce feels very exposed, flushed and hot, but Viktor’s gaze as he skates his hands up Jayce’s thighs is heartily appreciative, so it must be okay. Viktor bends one of Jayce’s legs up so he’s spread open, leaning precariously over him. Jayce shakes, he might be hyperventilating, he really might pass out but he thinks he’s okay with that. It’s fine. It’s worth it.

The last thing he sees is the gold of Viktor’s eyes before Viktor says, “Close your eyes,” and he does and then Viktor’s hand and mouth are on him at once. He kisses Jayce deeply, a hungry, claiming kiss, uses his slim fingers to part him, that pretty hand Jayce had been so admiring earlier now taking whatever Viktor wants from him.

And Jayce— doesn’t think. He can barely breathe for how Viktor is kissing him, and his body is strung tight, hot and and wet and oversensitive as Viktor strokes through him, thumbs over his cock, circles fingertips lightly at his entrance. Jayce’s cunt clenches in heated anticipation of him, he wonders how people even—

—the thought melts into static as Viktor pushes a cautious finger into him. Jayce feels so hyperaware of him, panting against his mouth, oh gods, that’s Viktor in him—

—more static as Viktor curls his finger, pressing the heel of his palm to Jayce’s cock in the same motion. Oh, fuck—

He’s saying it, too, “Oh, fuck, oh fuck Viktor—”

“That’s it,” Viktor says, working him with focused determination. “That’s it, Jayce, good.”

He pushes another finger into Jayce’s cunt, and Jayce gasps, clutching at Viktor’s shoulders, thighs twitching and tightening involuntarily around Viktor’s hips. Viktor pushes his leg back down firmly.

“Viktor,” Jayce pleads. He doesn’t know what he wants Viktor to do— stop? Keep going? No, definitely keep going, he’s just— he’s so—

“You feel so good,” Viktor murmurs. “I bet you will taste even better.”

“Taste?” Jayce croaks.

“Let go, Jayce,” Viktor croons, crooking his fingers hard inside Jayce with the command. And Jayce’s brain just— whites out.

He floats, spinning higher and higher, belly coiling tighter with heat as Viktor keeps claiming his insides. Viktor sucks marks into his throat as Jayce gasps for breath, wanting, wanting, wanting— “Please, Viktor—”

Viktor works his fingers in and out, in and out— Jayce feels so wet, so hot, and the pressure of Viktor’s fingers is so— he’s so close—

He fists a hand in his own hair, tugging hard. Viktor pulls his hand away, takes hold of his wrist, and presses him down into the bed.

Jayce comes instantly, clenching down on Viktor’s fingers and biting down hard on his own lip as heat rushes through him, flushing up his chest and throat. He presses Viktor’s hips again between his thighs, and this time Viktor lets him. He works Jayce through it, fingers stroking steadily inside him until he comes down from his peak. Then before Jayce can even get his breath back, Viktor is going down, wrapping his arms under Jayce’s thighs and pulling him in with surprising strength, pressing his face between Jayce’s legs.

Jayce shouts. Viktor hums in pleasure, the sound vibrating straight through Jayce’s core. Viktor licks up through his folds, sucks on his cock. When Jayce finally manages to open his eyes, he finds Viktor has moved his hand and is working himself furiously with it, evidently getting off just on the taste of Jayce. Fuck, fuck, fuck—

Jayce pushes a shaky hand through Viktor’s hair, holding on for dear life, overstimulated from the relentless touch. “Viktor…” he says, voice thick, “gods, you’re so… you’re so beautiful…”

Viktor moans, grinding down on his own hand. Jayce pushes his hips up, grinding up into his mouth, and Viktor makes a choked sound and goes taut as he comes.

It’s so transcendent, Jayce wants to soak in that sound, that feeling, forever. He wants to do that, to make Viktor feel like that; he wants to make Viktor feel the way Viktor makes him feel. He needs to learn how.

He tugs on Viktor’s arm. Viktor obligingly goes, leaning over him so they’re face-to-face again. Viktor’s hair is mussed, his lips slick and wet. Jayce is maybe hallucinating, or maybe the screws were a micrometer too small after all and the Hexgate actually exploded and killed him and this is the afterlife.

Viktor kisses him, Jayce doesn’t even have to ask for it, and he puts his hands on Viktor’s hips again, feeling bolder, and sort of loose and warm and shivery in a much more thorough way than when he just gets himself off. Viktor’s still mostly dressed, and Jayce wishes he could feel his skin, actually slide his hands up over Viktor’s thighs and hips and ribcage and feel each bone.

When Viktor pulls away he presses warm lips to Jayce’s cheek and says, “Are you still thinking about tomorrow?”

“What?” Jayce croaks.

Viktor laughs. Jayce feels it in his chest and under his hands, from how they’re touching. No, tomorrow doesn’t exist, what’s tomorrow? What’s Hextech? What’s anything other than this?

“Good,” Viktor says. He shifts, and Jayce is briefly terrified he’ll just leave, but Viktor only slides onto his side so he’s lying beside Jayce instead of on top of him, stretching his leg out with a grimace. Still, he doesn’t leave.

“Come here,” he says.

“…What?”

“Just do it, Jayce.”

So Jayce does, with almost more hesitation than he’d felt in kissing him, in touching him, because he doesn’t know what they are. But he also knows that if he stops to think about it for even a second he will explode, and if he doesn’t touch Viktor again right now he might actually lose it.

So he hesitantly curls in against Viktor. Tugs open some of the buttons on Viktor’s shirt, and, at Viktor’s nod, slips his arm under to wrap around his waist, his palm pressed flat to the bare skin of Viktor’s back, above his brace. He presses his face into Viktor’s shoulder. He still doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Viktor pets his hair. Digs his fingers into Jayce’s scalp and Jayce melts into him, he can’t help it. He doesn’t know what’s going on, why Viktor is being so touchy with him, but he doesn’t want it to stop.

“Viktor?” he says. “Why?” Jayce doesn’t know exactly what’s encompassed in the why. It had all felt right as it was happening, this, them. But the details.

“I… felt you needed something,” Viktor says, sounding, for the first time, hesitant. “I decided to… take a leap.”

Jayce doesn’t know exactly what it was that he needed, but Viktor must have given it to him because he feels… better. Somehow.

“I don’t understand,” he says.

“I will share my theories and findings with you later,” Viktor says.

“Oh, theories and findings.”

“Of course, one must always pursue science with rigor and precision.”

“Uh-huh.” Jayce hides his grin in Viktor’s neck.

“More immediately,” Viktor continues, “you should stay here for a little while so you have time to process.”

“Didn’t want to move anyway,” Jayce says. He shifts closer, draping one leg over Viktor’s so he’s sort of half-lying on top of him. “I’m not crushing you, am I?” He doesn’t know exactly how much Viktor weighs but he’s pretty sure he’s a lot heavier.

“Mm. I don’t mind. You are comfortable. Very soft.”

Jayce laughs. “Alright.”

“How do you feel now?”

“Really good. Like. Kind of relaxed, I guess.” That's a rare feeling.

“You sound surprised,” Viktor says.

“Well. Yeah,” Jayce admits, and Viktor huffs a laugh.

“Not so much a man of relaxation,” he says, “but—”

“Oh, please don’t—”

“—but a Man of Progress,” Viktor finishes, with some glee.

Jayce groans. “I don’t know how Mrs. Kiramman even got that nickname out there before the Hexgate unveiling. We haven’t even shown anyone anything yet!”

“She has merchandise as well,” Viktor tells him.

“She has what?”

“Caitlyn gave me a mug.” When Jayce lifts his head to look at him, Viktor is smiling a rather wicked smile.

“Cait,” Jayce whines. It’s all so mortifying. “Why would she betray me like that?”

“I think she may have been teasing me. But I cherished my gift.”

“Viktor please.”

Viktor digs his hand into Jayce’s hair again. “Hush.”

Jayce hushes.

“Does it truly bother you?” Viktor asks.

“A bit?” He wouldn’t say so to Mrs. Kiramman, but— “The attention’s not supposed to be on me, it’s supposed to be about the research.”

There have been a lot of events leading up to this grand launch, and Jayce doesn’t necessarily hate it, he likes talking to people about their research, likes sharing its wonder, but after a while he starts to get kind of itchy and nervous and overwhelmed by the attention, and more than once has had to duck out to compose himself.

He can’t tell Mrs. Kiramman about that, and he can’t tell Caitlyn or she’ll get concerned and tell her mother. But maybe. Maybe he can tell Viktor.

“I just get nervous,” he says. “I get like. I don’t know.”

“I’ve been starting to understand that,” Viktor says. “Though I did not realize it was that bad.”

“It’s not!” Jayce protests.

Viktor’s silence is telling.

“Alright, fine, but I can handle it.”

“I’m certain you can,” Viktor says. “And something may be painful and still worth doing. Nevertheless, I am glad to know.”

“I— I’m glad you know, too. I think.” Jayce sighs. “Not sure there’s much to do about it, though.”

“That I don’t agree with.” Viktor lets his hand fall to the nape of Jayce’s neck and gives a light squeeze. Jayce goes still, heart suddenly hammering, like when he’d knelt in the lab to fix Viktor’s brace and Viktor had pinned him there with a sure hand.

“I don’t understand what you’re doing,” he admits. “But…”

“But?”

“…It feels good.” It feels actually really good, Viktor touching him like that.

“Hmm. I thought so.” Viktor keeps stroking the back of his neck, though with less pressure than before.

“Yeah, your theories and findings and all.”

“Precisely.”

“…Is that all it is?” Jayce asks. Gods, he’s not usually this insecure, it’s so embarrassing. But it’s Viktor.

“No,” Viktor says, “it’s not. You know that, I think?”

Jayce does know that, though it’s still a comfort to hear Viktor say it. If it was just experimental, it wouldn’t soothe him so much. It wouldn’t make him want to crawl inside Viktor’s clothes. It wouldn’t make him feel like all his disjointed machinery has suddenly fallen back into proper alignment. It’s Viktor. Viktor could never be just anything. Viktor is everything.

“Yeah,” he breathes, resting his head on Viktor’s chest. “I do.”

#Viktor was like maybe let me get you off and then you'll calm down. and he was right #jayvik #my writing #dom/sub #please accept my humble smut offering

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ichigo-plasma · 4 months ago

Text

Helping Haruka Sakurai With Assignments For His Degree Headcanons

On the menu: university AU, Haruka lies about his age (because he’s insecure about being help back when he was a kid), fluff, Haruka is codependent but he wants to try his best to do well

A/N: In this AU you can imagine Haruka working to get any degree, maybe he is already done his bachelors and getting his Master’s, etc. whatever makes you comfy with the dynamic! :]

Haruka who sits across from you at the library, chewing nervously on his pen as he stares at his math textbook like it’s written in an alien language. His knee bounces under the table, and he finally looks up at you with wide, pleading eyes. “Y-Y/N… I-I don’t g-get this at all…”

Haruka who is working toward both his degree, but the road has been rough. He was held back a few years, making him older than most of his classmates, but he keeps that a secret—lying about his age so he doesn’t stand out. “E-Everyone thinks I’m t-the same age as them… i-it’s b-better that way…” he told you once you got to know him better and he realized you wouldn’t judge him.

Haruka who genuinely tries to understand the material but just can’t wrap his head around complex equations or scientific formulas. His head drops onto the table with a soft thud, and he groans. “M-My brain doesn’t w-work like this…” His voice is muffled, his frustration evident.

Haruka who clings to your every word as you patiently explain the homework to him. His eyes stay locked onto your face, not even glancing at the textbook, because watching you talk is somehow easier than trying to read the problems himself. “Y-You’re so smart, Y/N… I-I don’t get how you j-just know all this stuff…”

Haruka who starts relying on you a little too much—texting you at odd hours with panicked messages about assignments he forgot were due, showing up at your dorm with his laptop and a desperate look in his eyes. “C-Can I… s-stay and study with you? P-Please? I-I promise I’ll be quiet… I-I just… c-can’t focus when you’re not h-here…”

Haruka who despite struggling in most of his subjects, absolutely excels in art. His sketches are breathtaking, filled with emotion and precision, a stark contrast to his sloppy math notes. “A-Art is d-different… It’s the o-only thing that m-makes sense…” he admits shyly, gripping his pencil like it’s the only thing keeping him sane.

Haruka who slowly starts looking forward to study sessions not because of the homework, but because it means spending time with you. His fingers twitch when you lean over to check his work, and his breath catches when your hands accidentally brush. “Y-Y/N… I-I think… I-I study better w-when you’re close…” he mumbles, cheeks burning.

Haruka who in his weakest moments, wonders if he’s just dragging you down. If you’d be better off tutoring someone who isn’t struggling so much. But then you praise him—tell him he’s improving, that you believe in him—and his heart clenches painfully. “Y-You really think I c-can do this…?” he whispers, voice fragile.

Haruka who when he finally solves a difficult problem on his own, lights up like an excited puppy. His whole body tenses before he turns to you with wide, shining eyes. “I-I did it…! Y/N, I-I actually d-did it!!” He practically vibrates with excitement, resisting the urge to throw himself at you in celebration.

Haruka who realizes that maybe, just maybe, school isn’t completely unbearable… as long as you’re by his side.

#IchigoP Milgram #IchigoP Haruka Sakurai #milgram #milgram smut #haruka sakurai x reader #sakurai haruka x reader #haruka sakurai smut #milgram headcanons #milgram haruka #haruka sakurai #sakurai haruka #milgram haruka sakurai #milgram x reader #haruka smut #subby boys #sub yandere #subby male #yandere smut #yandere x reader

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owliellder · 2 years ago

Text

Two's A Crowd

College Bully! Leon Kennedy x fem! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5)

Description: College is proving to be a lot harder than you imagined. You cannot fail this math class. So when you've tried everything else, a well-known student is recommended to you by your professor for tutoring lessons, not really leaving you with much of a choice but to work with him.

Warnings: Not proofread, No Use of Y/N, Dub-Con, Unprotected Sex, Bullying, Yelling, Cursing

Tags: College AU, Bully! Leon, Shy! Reader, both are in their early 20's, Leon is Rude AF in the beginning, Loss of Virginity, Oral Sex, Fingering, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Additional Tags to be Added

Author's Note: Slightly shorter chapter since I got stuck watching the last two episodes of Fionna and Cake, but I hope y'all like where I'm steering this. Pick up what I'm putting down, eh??

Cross-posted onto AO3

Chapter 2:

“This is insane. You’re not even trying.”

Leon’s cruel comments had been endless since you showed up today. He was already irritated that you even showed to begin with, now he’s just taking all his frustrations out on you. The guy isn’t even passive aggressive, he’s just aggressive. “I showed you the formula like.. five times already.”

“I don’t need you to patronize me, please.” You asked with a meek voice, bringing your hands up to cover your face for a couple seconds before placing them down on either side of the new math assignment sitting in front of you. You understood his impatience though, you were even starting to grow impatient with yourself, having been stuck on the third question for over thirty minutes now. Leon stressed the fact that you got one hour only with him and you’d basically wasted half that time bouncing from the formula he’d written down to the question itself.

The formula was helpful, but this question included more numbers than you knew what to do with. The main issue was knowing which numbers went where in the formula and you wanted to know why they went where they did, but Leon was only giving you the formula and nothing else. One vague explanation and then he was right back on his phone.

You had a glimmer of hope for the frat boy sitting in front of you. Had, being the keyword here. One study session in and you were already starting to accept defeat. “Can you explain it to me again?” You tapped your pencil on the table nervously, keeping your eyes glued to your paper to avoid the obvious glare you’d receive from him.

The sound of his phone slamming down on the table accompanied with a groan made you grip onto your pencil tighter, now holding it still as he pulled the paper away from you. “Do I have to hold your hand, too? What’s so hard to understand about this?” He reached over, yanking your pencil from your hand so he could scribble out the first few steps to the problem. Afterwards, he tossed both the paper and pencil back over to you, tapping his finger down on the work he wrote down before circling it once. “Need anything else? A warm bottle of milk? Want me to read you a bedtime story?”

He leaned back in the chair, crossing his arms with a sigh after picking his phone back up. “You’ve got fifteen more minutes.” The fuck’s his problem?

Letting out a small sigh of your own, you silently picked up the pencil and looked down at what he’d written. Surprisingly, it did help you make more sense of the rest of the assignment sheet, figuring out the placement of the numbers by using where Leon had put them. Soon, the assignment sheet was finished and you had him look it over.

“Is it-.. Is it good?” You watched Leon carefully, studying his face for any sort of emotion other than annoyance. You unfortunately didn’t find it, but his muttered “good” made you smile, taking your own turn studying your work once he handed it back. Not tossed or thrown, handed back.

He took in a sharp breath through his nose before standing up, focus still trained on his phone. There was only a few minutes left in the hour, so you guess he took your understanding of the material as his leave. “Can we.. uh.. study again on Monday?” His hand paused on the door handle at your question, looking back at you from over his shoulder with his lips pulled tight as he gave you a glare. “You just love taking up my time, don’t you?”

“Wait, is that-” The slam of the door cut you off, leaving you to watch him saunter off through the large window in the door. Your shoulders slumped and you turned back to give your math assignment one last look before stuffing it into your backpack. At least with this new understanding, you’d be able to hopefully do the next few assignments. Mr. Lebovic was kind enough to let you redo your past fails, meaning all you’re doing is slowly climbing your way back up to a better grade with make-up work.

You held out for Leon, constantly giving him the benefit of the doubt with each study session following the first. You did your absolute best to remain passive with him, but each session was filled with crude, nasty, hate-filled comments directed at you, so it was only a matter of time until you started throwing your own comments back at him. By the beginning of November, studying had been put on the back burner whenever you two met up, assignments left abandoned in favor of fleshing out full blown arguments. He always won since you’d never really had a loud voice to defend yourself and his favorite go-to was low blow insults, somehow always managing to sniff out your insecurities.

Leon’s pattern was always one step forward, ten steps back with you. He would help and then spend the rest of your hour together nitpicking your every attempt to learn. He hated you and it was driving you mad. It was impossible to learn anything like this.

You’d grown a sour mood leading up to your trek to the library for one of your regular study sessions, a scowl settling on your face. You decided hours ago that getting dressed wasn’t an option today, you just didn’t weren’t in the mood, so instead you threw on a hoodie and a pair of sweatpants to mind the brisk chill that had rolled in at the end of October.

The walk to the main building was dull; most of the leaves on the trees around campus had long since browned and fallen off, the grass was dead and crunchy, and it almost felt like it would start snowing anytime now with how quickly the cold had come. The feel in the air made you tired, it made you miss home. The weather made you long for the warmth a home-cooked meal provided, but you had to wait, and that wait was only contributing to your already piss poor mood.

Making your way into the library and into the reserved study room, you didn’t even notice Leon’s smile until he asked you to pull out your most recent assignment. It immediately put you off because it wasn't like his normal cocky smile or smirk, no, this one was oddly genuine. Soft, even.

“Can I see it?” He asked, smile widening slightly as he gestured towards your backpack. Even his tone was softer than usual. “Uh…” You weren’t quite sure how to react, not really processing his words as you tried to figure out whether he’s setting a trap or not.

“Your assignment. Can I see it?” Leon clarified, his arms resting crossed on the table as he glanced down to your bag and then back up at you. That was also weirding you out; the eye contact. Normally he only ever met your gaze when he was intimidating you with a deep glare and it wasn’t ever this long. He was making a point to look at you now.

Without saying a word, you unzipped your bag and pulled out a couple papers, only looking away from him twice to make sure you were getting the right ones. You made sure to hold eye contact with him, eyebrows furrowed as you searched for any insincerity.

You’d grown rigid with his kind behavior, even more so when he thanked you and took the papers from you. Questioning him was your top priority right now, though your mouth refused to work with your brain, causing you to stutter out a simple “..what?” Leon only hummed, tilting his head a bit as he looked down at your work, following the tip of his pen as it trailed down the paper.

“What-..” You repeated, swallowing dryly before finally getting the full “What’re you doing?” out. He seemed genuinely confused at your question, looking up to give you a puzzled look. “Hm? Whaddya mean what am I doing? I’m looking over your work.” He looked back down at your paper, clearing his throat quietly.

“No, you’re being nice. Why are you being nice?” You were quick to shoot back to try and draw his attention back to you. “If this is a joke, I’m not gonna fall for it.”

Leon sighed and dropped the pen down onto the paper to rest his crossed arms on the table again. “Why are you asking so many questions? It’s not a big deal.”

Not a big deal?! “Not a big deal?! You’ve argued with me every other day for the past three weeks!” Your hands balled up into fists on your lap, completely baffled by the dismissiveness of his complete 180° in demeanor. “I-” You stopped yourself, taking a moment to breathe. This was.. actually a nice change of pace now that you think about it. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?

He gave you his normal annoyed look at your sudden pause, seemingly waiting on you to finish talking. “You..?” Shaking your head a bit, you let out a soft laugh and waved your hand. “Nevermind, uh.. yeah, nevermind…”

“Ooookay, well, you did good on this one so you can turn it in.” Leon held up the first paper before sliding it across the table to you, then picking up the second paper. “But this one needs a bit of work. I circled the questions that need to be redone, not gonna tell you what’s wrong with them, though.” You watched as he slid the other paper to you with your own smile now forming. Pulling out a pencil, you started to relax for the first time around this guy, bringing your attention down to the circled questions.

Your study session has never been more productive. He was being helpful; answering your questions, talking you through each step, giving you smiles and the occasional thumbs up. You’re not sure what changed or why, but you definitely weren’t complaining. When Leon wasn’t acting like someone shoved a stick up his ass, he was actually pretty handsome. You’d mentally recognized his good looks when you first met him, yet his demeanor as a whole masked those good looks entirely.

There was no way he could throw anymore surprises at you, but you stood corrected when he walked over to you at the end of your session, stopping you from walking out. “Listen, I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. I don’t want to be mean to you, it’s just…” He paused to laugh to himself, looking down at the ground with an almost bashful expression. “I’m only tutoring because it’s a big part of my grade in my class, so..” Not a complete lie on his part.

“Oh. Oh, it's.. it’s fine.” You didn’t want him to revert back to his old style, so you chose to just dismiss it. His attitude did make sense, you wouldn’t want to tutor random people for a grade. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks. Uh.. oh, here-” Leon opened and held the study room door open for you, giving you a small wave as you walked out, which you returned. That was a nice mood booster, not being degraded and demeaned every time you see the one person who’s supposed to help you.

Your friends had their own opinions about the experience after you described it to them. You’d been relaying every bit of info relating to your study sessions from the past three weeks to them, a second and third opinion was good to have for such an odd trade.

“I don’t trust it. Plain and simple.” Sky placed their hands down on their thighs with an audible slap. They didn’t seem impressed by Leon’s sudden chivalry, and to your disappointment, neither did Ella when you looked over from Sky to her. She just looked back at you with a shrug. “Sorry. I’m gonna have to take Sky’s side on this. There’s just something off about that.”

You sighed in defeat, turning your head around to look out the window in the dorm room. It was nice that Sky and Ella shared a dorm, you can’t discuss stuff like this in your own dorm in case your roommate decided to randomly appear. “Yeah…”

Ella scooted closer to you on the bed and pulled you back so your head was resting in her lap. “I know you got your hopes up, but please be careful. I don’t wanna see you get hurt because some pretty boy decided it would be fun to manipulate you.” You groaned, covering your face with your arms. Nothing even happened and you’re already feeling embarrassed.

“It’s okay if you like him, he is kinda cute.” Ella giggled and moved one of your arms to poke your cheek. “But just remember that the guy’s got a bit of a reputation for being a major douche.”

Sky, sitting over on their bed, pointed at Ella in agreement. “Emphasis on major douche.” They smiled and leaned back, their head plopping onto their pillows. “It was just one instance of him being sweet, after all. Who’s to say he won’t revert back to being an asshole by Wednesday?”

“I know, I get it.” You swatted Ella’s hand away and sat back upright. Even if he was putting up a front, it was still nice to get some real help with your math without being insulted. Everyone deserves a second chance and he seemed honest enough when he told you why he’d been so rude, so why not try again with him? Start fresh, maybe you’ll get to make an unlikely friend out of this popular frat boy.

A bit of a far fetched idea, considering the vast differences between you and Leon, but anything like that is worth another try. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

tags:

@kayotee4 @k-fallingstar @bobastayhigh @mi-zer-y @chasingkennedy @l30nva @espressonerd @jjouki @5tarx @bunnybreadloaves @whoisgami @cyanscribe @c4b3r1a @darichvep @mmmangel @kingtacocat @klee-iii @baby--vera @dakiniii @kenma-izhu @aliidarling @leonsmamacita

(a few of your blogs won't show up but i tried)

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