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ssa-dado · 3 months ago

Note

what if fleabag reader has to get a new vibrator 'cause her old one died on her or she's just getting one for her friend as a gag gift, and she runs into hotch in the process ? also i didn't know you could get them at pharmacies, but i guess that's a more realistic place for hotch to be (old back and everything).

For a Friend

triathlon!Aaron Hotchner x fleabag!reader Genre: 21st-century-feminist-meltdown-over-an-old-man and pre-relationship mutual pining Summary: You just wanted a new vibrator. Instead, you bump into Aaron Hotchner at 2 a.m., holding six modes of clitoral suction technology and a G-spot stimulator in a paper bag. Now he’s offering you a ride, a jacket, and possibly his number. You’re doing great. Warnings: Sexual themes & imagery (non-explicit but VERY suggestive), age gap, cuss words, hint of the vile act of female masturbation *pearl clutch* with *pearl clutch pt.2* sex toys, objectification of the Hotchner body, reader calls Hotch out for not having an ass, grief (your last vibrator died) Word Count: 4.7k Dado's Corner: Thanks for the request, dearest!! Sorry it took me forever, I hope you enjoy itttt!!! Special thanks to @hotchology for the free psychological counseling

masterlist(s)

Experts say it’s healthy to walk at least seven minutes a day, so here you are - taking your medically-recommended stroll at 2:06 a.m., in the direction of a 24-hour pharmacy, because you care about your health.

Deeply.

You really care about your health especially now that your vibrator has officially died in your hand right in the middle of what was shaping up to be a perfectly respectable late-night fantasy involving you, a locked door, and the tall, emotionally unavailable federal agent with zero small talk skills you’ve been mentally undressing since the first time you saw him do a butterfly stroke at the Y.

…It’s not like you always picture Aaron Hotchner.

You’re not that far gone.

You do have range.

You’ve gotten off to strangers.

To that chief of trauma doctor from Chicago Hope.

To the hot background guy from the Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas who had two lines and really great hair.

You are complex. You contain multitudes.

It’s just that Aaron Hotchner is… convenient. Reliable.

He’s easy.

Not easy-easy.

Cognitively easy. Low effort. High reward.

You don’t have to invent a man from scratch. Don’t have to mentally composite three mediocre exes and C-list celebrity actors into a half-decent fuck-doll when he already exists fully formed and fully clothed (barely.)

You don’t even have to think.

He’s basically a mental shortcut to climax, muscle memory with forearms, a comfort fantasy - like soup for the soul, if soup were six feet tall and weekly served wet at your local pool.

…And also dripping, practically naked.

All yours, at least visually.

You’ve memorized the way his thighs flex when he pushes off the wall, that split second of coiled power, the twitch of his calves, the ripple up to his glutes as he launches forward.

Perfect form. Perfect technique. Perfect… well.

Not a lot of meat back there.

Not exactly the kind of ass you’d grab with both hands and sink your teeth into.

No jiggle. No fluff.

Just… deeply respectable glutes.

Taut. Efficient. Compact.

An ass with more function than fat.

An ass that clocks in at the crack of dawn, files a huge pile of case reports, tackles a serial killer or two, then goes home and makes dinner for his kid.

An ass that probably says “thank you” when it finishes and then folds the towel neatly afterward.

Toned, athletic. Not juicy.

You wouldn’t bite it. (Lie.) You wouldn’t slap it. (Another lie.)

(Because you’d absolutely slap it. If he walked past you up a flight of stairs in those tight trousers he insists on wearing - pleated, no less - you’d black out and wake up with a stinging palm, your handprint on him and a federal restraining order in the mail.)

You wouldn’t grope it. You’d shake its hand. A gentleman’s ass. Very in-character kind of ass.

…You’d still let it rail you against a doorframe, obviously.

You’re not an idiot. You have eyes.

And that’s how you know the way his back arches (yes, arches) when he does a lazy freestyle turn. That smooth, arrogant curve of his spine as he rotates, like the water exists solely to show him off.

You’d say he looks graceful, but that feels too innocent.

He’s obscene.

You know everything about his body. Everything except for one crucial part.

The only piece he hasn’t offered up for public consumption.

The mystery.

And yet… is it really?

Because thanks to the tight speedos he wears you’ve done more visual math in that pool cafeteria than you ever did in school.

Circumference. Vein definition. Drop. Girth. Angle. Hinge theory. Left or right lean.

You’ve factored in mass, blood flow, gravitational pull, and fabric stretch.

At this point, it’s not even fantasy, it’s field research. All you have to do is mentally rotate, enlarge by 37%, adjust for arousal, and boom - there it is.

You’ve seen that dick. You know that dick.

If it ever revealed itself in real life, you’d probably just nod.

Like, yes. Correct. That’s the dick I’ve been using. Thank you for confirming.

Your brain barely breaks a sweat.

Which is more than can be said for you, as you’re currently trying to act normal in front of a just-graduated baby pharmacist who definitely still gets ID’d at bars, while heading for the forbidden shelf.

The one that doesn’t technically exist, but everyone knows does.

You make the turn casually.

Like you’re browsing.

Like you’re not here to buy a vibrator at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday only because for some reason, buying it here - in a pharmacy - makes it feel... medical.

Like a wellness thing. Like vitamins, floss, or calcium chews.

Like a very modern, battery-operated form of hormone regulation.

Not pleasure. No, no, no, God forbid.

This is for health, for stress relief. This is for preventing female rage and preserving the social fabric of your household.

Also, it’s very, very late - which is strategic.

No lines. No witnesses.

No grandmas behind you buying Werther’s Originals and silently judging your rotating G-spot stimulator with ergonomic grip.

You tell yourself that’s why you’re here at this hour.

Not because, despite all the feminist essays and body-positive podcasts, you still get flustered at the thought of being seen in public holding a brightly colored orgasm machine.

No. Absolutely not.

You’re here because you swore - never again.

Never again would you endure the trauma of your vibrator dying mid-session and having to switch to manual mode like it was the Middle Ages just to finish.

(And worst of all, it didn’t even work. You dried up. Mood ruined. You just laid there, staring at the ceiling for fifteen full minutes before sighing, getting dressed, and deciding - once again, ironically - to take matters into your own hands.)

You’re a modern woman.

Sexually free modern woman living in a free country that still accounts for death penalty for some of their states. Nothing is more free than this freedom.

You can vote.

You can buy a dual-stimulation, six-mode, energy-efficient G-spot massager - (at least according to the box, which proudly claims it uses fewer batteries than your last one. And you believe it. You trust boxes. You’re loyal like that.)

Right next to the hemorrhoid cream. In the middle of the night.

And you can replace a fallen comrade - RIP to the last one. Gone, but not forgotten - and now, here you are, holding its shiny successor the way you’ve seen people hold babies in movie posters. (Tender. Hopeful. A little overwhelmed.)

Nothing says freedom like that.

Stars. Stripes. Clitoral suction technology.

God bless America.

…Maybe not.

Because just as you take a step back, you collide – directly -with someone you didn’t even hear approach.

“I’m so sorry,” you blurt, right as a much deeper, much more male voice says the exact same thing.

A voice your brain knows very well.

Because not even an hour ago it was busy fabricating that same voice whispering “You’re taking me so well,” and - though you'd never admit this part - also: “Sweetheart.”

(Ew.)

Aaron Hotchner is now standing right there in front of you - real, breathing, and terrifyingly three-dimensional in a full three-piece suit – and is trying so hard not to look at the aggressively pink vibrator box clenched in your hand.

But he saw it. Oh, he saw it.

He’s a profiler. He’s trained to notice things.

(Or at least that’s what your late-night Google search said back when you first typed: “aaron hotchner fbi real???”)

(Which quickly devolved into a behavioral analysis rabbit hole run by people with usernames like @wifeofunitchief69 and @peter-rhea. All of them openly thirsting after him.)

(Especially this Peter guy - who you’re 85% sure is real, 15% convinced was a hallucination - kept posting photos a few years ago that looked… suspiciously intimate. Like “taken through the blinds” intimate. You don’t know how he got them. You don’t want to know. He hasn’t posted since.)

(Guess it was just a phase.)

Aaron’s locking eyes with you. Terrifying. Unfairly hazel, thanks to the pharmacy’s aggressive overhead lighting.

He’s focused on your face. Just your face.

(You are maybe a little flustered by this.)

(You bet all the serial killers he interrogates fall in love with him, too. You bet they get weird about it. Understandable, this man definitely knows how to hold eye contact.)

But you don’t buy it.

There is no way he didn’t read the full headline: “CLITORAL SUCTION + G-SPOT STIMULATION - NOW QUIETER!” (Ironically printed in all caps. For maximum discretion. Obviously.)

You are so incredibly fucked.

Unfortunately, only metaphorically.

Also, the silence is not helping. Not even a little.

…This feels like a crime.

(It’s not. Not technically. You can’t terminate a pregnancy in half the country, but you can buy a dual-motor vibrator next to the Tylenol. It’s somewhere in the Declaration of Independence - just after “life, liberty,” and right before “All men are created equal,” [*except slaves and women].”)

Still.

You are now committing an obscene act of self-service capitalism directly in front of a federal agent.

And some small, awful corner of your brain - the one with leftover shame and badly wired internalized misogyny, inherited from a cocktail of bad parenting and several seasons of Law & Order – fully believes this is the part where he arrests you.

Pushes you against the KY shelf.

Pins you with his full body weight.

Snaps cold real handcuffs around your wrists and whispers, “You have the right to remain silent…”

Which you clearly don’t.

Because your mouth opens before your brain can file an objection.

“…It’s for a gift.” WHY. WHY DID YOU SAY THAT. “…For my friend,” you add… as if that helps. (It doesn’t.)

He nods. Polite. Awkward.

…Too bad his ears are starting to match the exact pink of the vibrator.

Goddammit, he’s a prude.

One of those soft-spoken, morally burdened types who probably says “intercourse” and excuses himself when a condom commercial comes on.

Oh no.

What if this is his first time seeing one up close?

What if you just popped his sex toy cherry?

What if he goes home, locks the door, and has a slow, shameful jerk thinking about you in CVS with a 6-mode clitoral suction wand?

(…You wish.)

No. Worse. Because now he’s staring at you like he wants to ask, “What kind of friend buys a vibrator at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday?”

But won’t.

And since you are a mature, well-educated, emotionally intelligent woman - and not, say, a liar desperately trying to salvage a crumbling cover story – you say:

“Her birthday’s tomorrow.”

(It’s not. It’s in three days. But the product needs testing. Obviously. You’re not going to spend that much money again unless you know it delivers. That’s not selfishness. That’s friendship. That’s quality control.)

“Well… technically today. Midnight and all,” you add, even smiling. So bright. So natural. So deeply suspicious.

“It’s alr-” he starts, finally working up the courage to glance down-

…Only to be slapped – hard - right between the shoulder blades by very enthusiastic, very just-graduated-and-finally-making-big-boy-money night-shift pharmacist who materializes out of nowhere behind him.

Ouch.

Now - to be fair - the pharmacist doesn’t see it. (You do. Unfortunately. In high-definition, too.)

Because Aaron Hotchner is currently holding a box of ThermaCare HeatWraps and naproxen sodium - both of which are for his back.

He jolts forward on impact, barely, and then freezes.

Just enough to make you worry that’s it, that’s the final blow. That he’s going to stay like that forever, just slightly curved, permanently bent.

Italic Hotchner.

“My man,” the pharmacist beams. “Everything alright?”

By the look on Aaron’s face, you can tell he has never seen this person before in his life. Never. Not once.

But Aaron nods - tight, polite, already calculating the minimum number of words required to exit the conversation without triggering a background check or losing his license to carry a firearm.

“Just wanted to say, I really admire you.” The pharmacist grins, still holding Aaron’s shoulder, “Not every guy’s open-minded enough to use toys in the bedroom with their girl.”

…Oh. Oh, fuck.

You should say something. Anything. Correct him. Laugh, even.

But you’re too distracted by the fact that Aaron isn’t saying a word either.

He’s just… frowning. Not full frown, just pulling his eyebrows closer together.

Which, in Hotchner language, could mean anything from “I’m flattered” or “You could’ve handled it differently” to “I’m about to shoot you.”

It’s impossible to tell. You’re not fluent yet. (You need more fieldwork. Preferably hands-on.)

“Damn, look at that,” the pharmacist chuckles, nodding at Aaron’s little arthritis starter pack.

Then turns. To you.

“Is this your fault?”

Ha.

Ha ha.

How adorable.

You wish. God, you wish.

You’d rail him into a herniated disc so bad he’d have to wear a brace for three months and think of you every time he reached for the cereal shelf.

But no.

“Um…” you manage, shaking your head. “We’re not-”

Fucking. Sexually intimate.

Connected in any capacity beyond weekly pool glances and intrusive masturbation thoughts.

(And it’s not like he seems like the type to just have a casual “friend.” No, he seems like the kind of man who'd call a hookup a regrettable lapse in judgment and then spend six months punishing himself for it.)

And so, in doubt? You flee.

A timeless tactic.

You did the same thing when your therapist asked, “Why do you think you’re so attracted to older men?” and you suddenly remembered - oh no! You didn’t lock the café.

“I think I’m just gonna…” you gesture - vague, noncommittal, something in the direction of the register - and after a short, awkwardly graceful round of people-pleasing Olympics with the vibrator-pink-faced pharmacist-

(something between “Sorry if I misunderstood, I’ve been here since 6 p.m. and I’m on my third energy drink,” and “It’s okay, no really, it’s my fault” [for what? unclear])-

You’re outside.

Alive.

Vibrator in a paper bag and…

…It’s pouring.

Not only do you not have a significant other to kiss in the rain like a scene from one of those movies you only watch when you’re actively trying to remember how alone you truly are, but your car is enjoying an extended, all-inclusive, paid-for-by-you vacation at the mechanic.

Great.

“Miss.”

You physically jolt. Because:

1. That voice.

And

2. Miss?! Hello???

Aaron is standing just behind you, yet again.

“Are you alright?” he asks.

“Oh, yes.” You are soaked. And flustered. And holding a fucking vibrator in a paper bag while the hottest man in federal law enforcement addresses you like a schoolgirl who dropped her books in a rainstorm. “Yes. Alright.”

He looks at you with that stupidly concerned face - the one where his brows pull just slightly together.

It lasts a second.

Feels like a week.

“You’ve been standing here for a few minutes…”

…Apparently, the old man’s been watching you contemplate your entire existence under the sad little pharmacy awning while he casually stocked up on meds for his fucked-up joints.

How romantic.

“Oh… I was-” Nope. Nope, you were not anything. You have no explanation.

“Do you need a ride?” he asks.

Oh. Fuck. “Don’t worry,” you blurt. “I live close by.”

Feminism is a beautiful thing.

Except right now.

Right now, feminism is cockblocking you.

Aaron hums - hums?! - already pulling his phone from the inside pocket of his suit jacket and it’s… it’s the smallest iPhone you’ve ever seen.

Probably an iPhone 4, but in his hand - his massive hand - it looks like he’s stolen it from a dollhouse.

He swipes the screen (with his very thick thumb), squints just enough to tell you he’s absolutely in denial about needing reading glasses, then turns the phone toward you:

“99% chance of hard rain until 7 a.m.”

…Unfortunately, you’re far too distracted by his hands to verify the evidence. Especially that thumb, still hovering near the screen like it’s not the most erotic thing you’ve seen all week.

(And speaking of data - there is a study. Something about men with very large hands also having very large-)

Without hesitation, Aaron just shrugs off his suit jacket. “Put it over your head,” then he hands it to you. “Don’t want you to get wet...”

Too late.

Not only because you're touching his very warm, very expensive, very tailored, very smells-so-much-like-him jacket, but because he didn’t even flinch.

Not at the acid rain.

Not at the dry-cleaning bill.

Not at the fact that he doesn’t have an umbrella for himself.

Not even at the fact that he’s now just standing there in a white shirt.

A white shirt. In the rain.

(You pray that he’s not wearing an undershirt.)

(You pray this turns into an unofficial Aaron Hotchner Wet T-Shirt Contest…Wet shirt. Wet dress shirt.)

“…You’re the one holding the electronics,” he adds, tilting his head toward the bag.

Ah. There it is. Thank you, Aaron, for making it weird. Again.

He sort of redeems himself by opening the door of his very shiny, very hot-dad black car like it’s the 1950s. (You hate how much you love it.)

…He even closes the door for you.

There are a few immediate observations that need to be made about Aaron Hotchner’s car:

• It smells divine. Like clean leather, big paycheck, small emotional availability and a touch of lavender, too.

• It’s spotless. Not a crumb. Not a fingerprint. There’s not a speck of dust anywhere.

• There are superhero comics tucked into the seat pocket. Jack’s, obviously. Unless… they’re his. Which would be - God. A brooding man with a soft spot for two-dimensional justice and emotionally stunted men in capes. Fatherhood and projection, hand in hand. Amazing.

But what really grabs your attention is the seating.

Full black leather.

Sleek. Cold enough to sting if your thighs were bare. Soft enough to leave marks if you were sitting on his lap instead.

Easy to wipe down. Easy to grip.

A car designed to be fucked in.

The hottest thing inside it, though? Probably the fact that it takes a few soft Are you alrights and Do you need anythings before Aaron finally starts the engine.

And it’s… quiet. Disturbingly quiet. No coughing. No sputtering. No “please God start” noises.

Just… starts.

“It’s such a cool car,” you blurt.

Fifty percent because you mean it.

Fifty percent because the silence is killing you and that’s literally the first thing your brain offered up as a conversation starter. You’re not even sure what you’re complimenting. Just that it has… technology.

You’re genuinely impressed. There’s literally a screen. A touchscreen. With sensors. A built-in navigator.

Meanwhile, your car still has a cassette slot, three loose aux cables, a suspicious stain that doesn’t want to come off, and a radio that only plays static unless you hit it twice.

“It’s a good car,” he replies, completely unbothered. Literally just a man stating a fact. About his vehicle. And yet, your brain shuts off.

You’re hot under the collar because Aaron Hotchner said something true… in a nice voice.

That’s it. That’s the bar.

And to make it worse, he doesn’t follow it up. No “Do you drive much?” No “What year is yours?”

Nothing. Just those three words and then silence.

He's the worst small talker you've ever met and now you have no idea how to keep this going.

You consider asking him about… tires. Or gas mileage. Or how long it took him to sell his soul to become this repressed.

Pathetic.

You’re even more pathetic when he does that thing. The hot thing. The driving thing.

Where he turns around to check behind him - one hand on the back of your seat, other on the wheel - torso twisting, shirt clinging, full neck exposure.

Basically porn.

You try so hard not to spontaneously combust.

Not just because you’re pressed into his personal space, or because his white dress shirt is completely see-through now after all that rain and you can see where his spine ends, or because he’s absolutely not wearing an undershirt and is one unexpected pothole away from full nipple contact.

No. It’s the tongue.

The tiny flick. Just a flash. Quick. Absent. Almost innocent.

His tongue darts out - just a little - as he focuses, like it helps him steer straighter. Nothing but a reflex. He probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it.

You, however, are acutely aware-

Just as aware as you are of the fact that the two of you are sitting in near silence. Almost comfortable.

If not for the small detail that you’re horny and holding a vibrator in a paper bag. The only sound is the rain-

And the soft, awkward half-comment he lets slip when you tell him your address:

“Oh. You were right. It is really… close.”

No shit, Sherlock.

If you had even an ounce of courage, this would be the most satisfying “told you so” of your life - because not even four minutes in, he’s already pulling into the cracked little square that overlooks your apartment complex.

“Where’s the entrance?” he asks, squinting at the very charming, definitely-not-a-fire-hazard 1970s architecture. “It’s barely lit here.”

He’s right, though.

There’s a little pedestrian alley that leads to your stairwell, and it’s lit by what is essentially half a lightbulb and probably one moth if you’re lucky.

“I can’t leave you here,” he says, already switching off the engine.

“It’s fine, don’t worry, I’ve done it alone a thousand times.”

You get The Look™.

The full Dad Look™.

Eyebrows lowered. Mouth set. Silent moral judgment loading. Which, naturally, makes you blurt out something helpful:

“I swear. Even at 3 a.m. When I was blackout drunk.”

He looks horrified.

Which is… great. Exactly the vibe you were going for on this totally unromantic, emotionally neutral, post-pharmacy ride home.

“Well, you’re not walking alone all the way there today,” then he proceeds to open the driver’s door before you can even object.

“Wait- really, you don’t have to-”

“Stay here,” he cuts in, already halfway out before you can finish.

Then suddenly, he’s at your door. Umbrella overhead.

Like some man from a black-and-white movie who has no idea you’re holding a vibrator in your bag and have a sink full of crusted risotto waiting at home.

Chivalry.

That’s what it should be called. But that word feels too… medieval. Too knight-in-shining-armor. Too “written by robed men who thought ankles were sinful and menstruation was the devil’s piss.”

No.

From him, this isn’t chivalry. It’s something else.

Not performance. Not politeness.

Just… kindness.

Offensively tender, nonverbal, soak-himself-in-the-rain kind of kindness.

And so the two of you walk under the same umbrella together, arms brushing every other step.

You try to create distance. He scoots closer.

Adjusts the umbrella to keep you dry.

Prioritizes your dry head over his own sopping suit.

Kind of romantic.

You could kiss him here.

Right now.

Under this umbrella. In the rain. In front of your depressing 70s concrete box of an apartment.

You could just… do it.

Lean in. Shut him up. See what that mouth actually feels like.

If it weren’t for the very inconvenient fact that you are juuuuuust a bit terrified of rejection.

Terrified in the “ha-ha I’ll never date again if someone even slightly hesitates when I flirt” way.

In the “I’ll replay the rejection in the shower for the next ten years, write five alternate endings, and mentally workshop comebacks well into menopause” kind of way.

In the “what if he says no and then I have to move to Vermont” way.

Also, you are currently holding a vibrator in a paper bag. So. There’s that.

Still, Temptation is real.

Even because Aaron is still mid-monologue about street lighting standards. Turning his head every few steps. Gesturing with one hand like a man who has read far too many municipal codes for someone this hot.

The idea of shutting him up for good with a kiss is honestly starting to sound like a public service.

“It’s barely visible here,” he mutters, scanning the alley. “No signage. No reflective paint. Anyone could-”

“Trip?” you offer.

“Worse.” He deadpans, then turns toward you, “Are you humoring me?”

“A little,” you shrug (he’s pathetic.)

He stops. Looks at you. “I’m being serious.”

…Ah, the dad voice. Firm. Slightly patronizing. Delicious.

“I know,” you smile. “That’s what makes it so fun.”

By the time he’s done glaring, you’re already at your building entrance, heart stupidly tight.

Saved. Almost.

“Well… this is me.” You pull out your keys to prove to him you’ve got your shit together. “Um… thanks for the ride. And the walk, of course.” (What is this, Pride & Prejudice?) “I think I’m good from here.”

You say it lightly, casual, because if you don’t end it now, you’re 100% sure he’ll keep going.

He’ll follow you to your door.

To your kitchen. To your hallway. Maybe even your bedroom.

Not for sex. God, no.

Just to make sure you’re safely tucked in.

That your bedroom window locks properly.

That the shadow outside was just a tree and not a threat (more likely, the stray cat you and two old ladies keep over-feeding.)

He’d stand there - in the doorway, quiet, stiff, arms crossed - and wait until you hit REM sleep before silently excusing himself.

The worst part? He’d make it feel horribly sweet.

And the much, much worse part? To do that, he’d have to walk through the disaster zone you call home.

The crusty risotto bowls still soaking in the sink. Three wine glasses, none of which match. A fork in a mug.

He’d pass your roommate mid-makeout with a “friend” who’s definitely not wearing pants and is probably sitting on your throw blanket.

He’d see the takeout containers on the counter.

The mystery stain on the wall you keep forgetting to Google.

The chair you keep meaning to fix but now just refer to as “decorative.”

He’d see you. As you are.

And you can’t be the reason this man actively re-dyes his greys by Wednesday. You’d love to be. You really would.

But not like this.

Also, you’re just really tired and you’ve got… things to test.

And, if you’re honest, some things are better when they stay in your head. Untouched. Untried. Safely fantasized.

So you smile.

“I’ll be fine.”

He nods. Doesn’t argue.

But doesn’t leave, either.

Instead, he pulls something from his coat pocket.

His business card.

“Text me when you’re inside,” he says, dead serious.

You blink at it.

The paper is thick. Embossed.

Feels like you’re holding a warrant.

“Oh wow,” you murmur, trying not to smile. “This is the smoothest way I’ve ever gotten someone’s number.”

He straightens slightly. “It’s my work phone.” Still serious, but fumbling.

(He’s so bad at this. It’s almost adorable.)

You nod, suppressing the second smile in a row. “Of course.”

He looks at you for a moment - too long, maybe, or maybe it’s just your perception that’s a bit fucked up - and says, “Goodnight, miss.”

You pause.

“It’s-” You tell him your name.

He nods. Revises. And repeats it. A little too careful. A little too gentle.

You might actually pass out.

Not just from the emotional whiplash, but also because your apartment has too many goddamn stairs and your legs were not built for this level of cardio or romantic tension.

You stumble inside, safe. Unmurdered. Emotionally unstable. Immediately grab your phone and text the number printed in the most intimidating Arial you’ve ever seen.

made it still alive didn’t get murdered not even a little bit

He replies almost instantly.

(Almost, because he’s an old man with disproportionately large thumbs and the texting accuracy of someone whose phone autocorrects “fine” to “filing.”)

aaron hotchner (work, no nudes): This is a work number. Please be mindful. – A.H.

…He signs his own texts. Oh fucking hell.

aaron hotchner (work, no nudes): But I’m glad to hear it. Goodnight, miss. – A.H.

You type back:

goodnight... agent??

Three dots appear. Pause. Then-

aaron hotchner (work, no nudes): 👍 – A.H.

taglist: @beata1108 ; @c-losur3 ; @fangirlunknown ; @hayleym1234 ; @justyourusualash ; @khxna ; @kyrathekiller ; @littlemisskavities ; @lostinwonderland314 ; @mmmunson ; @mxblobby ; @oxforce ; @percysley ; @person-005 ; @prettybaby-reid ; @reidfile ; @royalestrellas ; @ssa-callahan ; @softestqueeen ; @theseerbetweenus ; @todorokishoe24 ; @who-needs-to-sleep

#aaron hotchner #hotch #criminal minds #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch x reader #aaron hotch x reader #fleabag!reader #aaron hotchner imagine #not smut but it's smut for me

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nicholasandriani · 2 years ago

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Metacognition and Game-Based Learning. Notes on Scaffolding Education, Game Design and Graduate School

“EDUCATIONAL STRATEGIES IN THE CLASSROOMEnhancing Learning Through Self-Awareness and Critical ThinkingEducators have the power to nurture students’ self-knowledge by engaging them in activities that promote reflection on their learning journey. Understanding and managing one’s cognitive processes, known as metacognition, involves higher-order thinking skills that are critical to learning. This…

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beakers-and-telescopes · 2 years ago

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Slime Molds and Intelligence

Okay, despite going into a biology related field, I only just learned about slime molds, and hang on, because it gets WILD.

This guy in the picture is called Physarum polycephalum, one of the more commonly studied types of slime mold. It was originally thought to be a fungus, though we now know it to actually be a type of protist (a sort of catch-all group for any eukaryotic organism that isn't a plant, animal, or a fungus). As protists go, it's pretty smart. It is very good at finding the most efficient way to get to a food source, or multiple food sources. In fact, placing a slime mold on a map with food sources at all of the major cities can give a pretty good idea of an efficient transportation system. Here is a slime mold growing over a map of Tokyo compared to the actual Tokyo railway system:

Pretty good, right? Though they don't have eyes, ears, or noses, the slime molds are able to sense objects at a distance kind of like a spider using tiny differences in tension and vibrations to sense a fly caught in its web. Instead of a spiderweb, though, this organism relies on proteins called TRP channels. The slime mold can then make decisions about where it wants to grow. In one experiment, a slime mold was put in a petri dish with one glass disk on one side and 3 glass disks on the other side. Even though the disks weren't a food source, the slime mold chose to grow towards and investigate the side with 3 disks over 70% of the time.

Even more impressive is that these organisms have some sense of time. If you blow cold air on them every hour on the hour, they'll start to shrink away in anticipation when before the air hits after only 3 hours.

Now, I hear you say, this is cool and all, but like, I can do all those things too. The slime mold isn't special...

To which I would like to point out that you have a significant advantage over the slime mold, seeing as you have a brain.

Yeah, these protists can accomplish all of the things I just talked about, and they just... don't have any sort of neural architecture whatsoever? They don't even have brain cells, let alone the structures that should allow them to process sensory information and make decisions because of it. Nothing that should give them a sense of time. Scientists literally have no idea how this thing is able to "think'. But however it does, it is sure to be a form of cognition that is completely and utterly different from anything that we're familiar with.

#science #stem #science side of tumblr #stemblr #biology #biochemistry #neurology #slime mold

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suhosieun · 24 days ago

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MBTI typings + analysis of weak hero class characters

disclaimer: this analysis would be based on cognitive functions, so please don't tag this post with "why is he an e, he should be an i" or something like that. please read about cognitive functions, it's life-changing.

and this is my personal observation and analysis, so i'm not claiming 100% accuracy. but i have been studying mbti typology for 5 years, and i believe my hyperfixation on weak hero characters is strong enough to offer an interpretation that's atleast in the right ballpark. feel free to share your own opinions, though.

yeon sieun — INTJ (Ni-Te-Fi-Se)

INTJs lead with introverted intuition (Ni), which means they're constantly absorbing patterns and projecting outcomes. that’s essentially sieun’s entire combat strategy. he fights with foresight, not force. his brain is always several moves ahead, calculating silently before acting. he also has auxiliary extraverted thinking (Te), which makes him prioritize efficiency. this explains why he’d rather stab someone with a pen and end the fight cleanly than try to brawl with someone much stronger than him. it's just more efficient.

INTJs have tertiary Fi (introverted feeling), which acts like a quiet internal moral compass. it’s always there in the background, nagging him. it's not loud enough to dictate his decisions, but still present in case he changed his mind. that’s why he hesitates to help juntae at first. not out of apathy, but because the voice in his head keeps getting suppressed by his dominant intuition, which keeps telling him to mind his own business. it keeps warning him of the consequences of getting involved. however, he takes action when he finally listens to his tertiary Fi telling him, you know it’s the right thing to do.

his inferior Se (extraverted sensing) makes him inattentive to his physical environment unless it directly interferes with his internal world. he's never interested or notices people around him, unless his peace is disrupted. a blatant example of this is when he completely misses seongje showing up at suho’s hospital. he doesn’t register what's happening around him until it directly concerns him.

he’s also emotionally private (typical INTJ trait — they don’t like performing vulnerability). sieun is more expressive in his unread text messages to suho than he ever is face-to-face. it's a classic Ni-Fi wall: he feels deeply, but processes everything internally, where no one can touch it.

ahn suho — ESTP (Se-Ti-Fe-Ni)

ESTPs are sensor-thinkers, grounded in the present and driven by logic. suho’s dominant Se (extraverted sensing) makes him highly reactive to his environment. he only intervenes when he senses something is wrong; not out of moral obligation, and definitely not out of concern for consequences. his instincts are fast, physical, and attuned to danger. we see this in his professional fighting skills (MMA trainee and all) and athletic abilities. it's also obvious in the way he expresses love through action, taking on tiring jobs for his grandma without complaint, teaching sieun how to fight. it's a classic Se expression of love: fixing, serving, fighting, guiding.

his Ti (introverted thinking) is what makes him sharp. he’s logical and objective, but not necessarily fair, because he's not led by morals (which doesn't mean that he doesn't have morals at all, but it's not the driver of his decisions). he's loyal to who he cares about, not to any sense of abstract justice. like how he’ll go to hell and back for sieun, but won’t extend that same energy to everyone (this can be backed up by sumin pd, who pointed out that unlike baku, who protects the whole school, suho only protects sieun. baku has a higher moral compass, as a high Fi-user, but more on that later). his humour is also very Ti-coded; dry, clever, and often rooted in logic ("how can you talk about food while eating?" "you talk about life while living it").

tertiary Fe (extraverted feeling) gives him just enough charm and emotional fluency to read a room, crack a joke, or comfort someone. but it’s also fragile. he gets defensive fast, especially when misunderstood or unfairly blamed (like how he gets physically aggressive when beomseok starts beefing with him for no reason). weak Fe makes him take criticism personally and lash out emotionally.

he also has inferior Ni, which means his intuition is weak, and he rarely thinks ahead. like when he gets into gilsu’s car without a solid plan. he improvises well (texting sieun from his watch), but forgets to consider that gilsu could check his phone too.

personality-wise, sieun and suho are actually a lethal pair in combat. sieun has the sixth sense of an Ni-dom, while suho has the reflexes of an Se-dom. but romantically, they’re lowkey doomed. a tertiary Fi and tertiary Fe pair. neither are good at emotional communication. both express love through action and protection, not words.

oh beomseok — INFP (Fi-Ne-Si-Te)

beomseok runs almost entirely on introverted feeling (Fi), a deeply internal moral compass that tells him this is right even when it objectively… isn’t. healthy Fi stands for staying true to your values and beliefs. unhealthy Fi becomes a justification engine. and beomseok's Fi has been warped by years of trauma. that’s how we go from offering to pay suho to save sieun from bullies to wanting to destroy suho for betraying him. he does what he feels is just. the line between good and evil becomes how do i feel about it, and the trauma twists those feelings into something darker.

his Ne (extraverted intuition) gives him imagination and ideas, but unchecked, it creates spirals; overthinking, projection, paranoia. like how he starts believing that suho and sieun were replacing him with youngyi.

tertiary Si (introverted sensing) makes him cling to what’s familiar. that’s why youngyi’s addition to their group unsettles him: she disrupts the group dynamic he’s grown attached to.

his inferior Te (extraverted thinking), the logic function, is like a faint alarm bell in the back of his mind, whispering this won’t end well, but Fi drowns it out. he knows best. or thinks he does.

youngyi — ESFP (Se-Fi-Te-Ni)

youngyi leads with dominant Se, paired with Fi — which means she lives in the moment, feels things deeply, and owns it. she’s unapologetically herself, unbothered by rejection, which is exactly the kind of ability that gets her to befriend someone as guarded as sieun. she isn’t intimidated by anyone. she's grounded in the present, quick to act, and physically assertive, often responding to situations with bold, instinctive energy.

what sets her apart from suho (who's also an Se-dom), though, is that her actions aren't filtered through detached logic (Ti), but through a strong internal value system (auxiliary Fi). she doesn’t analyze her choices with practical calculation, she feels her way through them, led by what resonates with her personally.

but Fi also governs identity. so when beomseok accuses her of ruining the group, and essentially causing suho’s coma, it doesn’t just sting, it shatters her. she doesn’t just feel attacked; she feels like her sense of self is broken. that's why she disappears from everyone's lives, because how can she face sieun, when she can't face herself? that’s the danger of Fi: when it internalizes blame, it takes everything personally.

park humin (baku) — ENFP (Ne-Fi-Te-Si)

ENFPs are chaos with a conscience. and baku is no exception. baku’s auxiliary Fi makes him emotionally honest and morally anchored, but his dominant Ne keeps his mind in motion, always bouncing between possibilities, fears, and imagined futures. that’s why he hesitates to fight again (because what if it ends the way it did with gotak?) but when something triggers his core values (Fi), when someone he loves is in danger, he acts out. consequences be damned.

he jokes around to defuse tension, but he's deeply intuitive, emotionally attuned, and cares more than he lets on. it’s why he’s one of the only people who can get someone like sieun to open up; not by forcing it, but by simply being emotionally available, non-judgmental, and real.

while his high Fi gives him access to vulnerability, it also acts as a strong boundary. he refuses to work with baekjin, despite his history with him, because it violates his sense of right and wrong, because baekjin brutally hurt gotak and ruined his career, which is unforgivable. he only crosses that boundary when threatened and forced.

baku’s tertiary Te is blunt, explosive, and reactive, especially under stress. it acts before planning. when stressed, he grabs for Te, takes charge, punches first, thinks later. his Fi follows his own moral compass. he refuses to fight and preaches non-violence. but when people precious to him are hurt, he almost chokes a guy to death.

seo juntae — ISFJ (Si-Fe-Ti-Ne)

juntae is the emotional backbone of the group. ISFJs are built to nurture, and his Fe (extraverted feeling), paired with Si (introverted sensing), makes him deeply attuned to others' emotional needs. he notices sieun skipping meals, withdrawing, and not sleeping. his Si gives him observational memory; he tracks patterns and changes, then responds with quiet care.

he’s the only character with strong Fe in the whole cast, which is why he's the only one who genuinely hates conflict, and is the peace-maker of the gang, readily resolving misunderstandings and arguments between his friends. Fe also gives him strong empathy, which is what makes him slow to judge. he can easily read tone and emotional behaviour. it’s why he doesn’t believe sieun when sieun lies and says he doesn’t want to be friends anymore, because he knows it’s not true. he’s the one who tells both sieun and bakugotak that the other doesn’t mean what they’re saying.

Fe + Si makes him the one person who understands without demanding. he’s the first to tell sieun, "it’s not your fault," not because he thinks it’ll help, but because he knows it will. and yet, he holds grudges. because Si doesn’t forget. that’s why he refuses to forgive hyoman, even after he joins their side.

go hyuntak (gotak) — ISTP/ESTP (Ti-Se or Se-Ti)

this might be a controversial take since gotak is often typed as an ISFP, but i see a strong mix of Ti and Se in how he operates. i'm still unsure which one leads, but what’s clear is that he’s an active, physical, and analytical thinker. he’s impatient, yes, but also deliberate. he observes, processes, then acts, like when he tells juntae to escape before counting opponents in the underpass fight with seongje, or when he decides to fact-check the rumor that sieun wants to fight him instead of reacting right away.

his Se is undeniable: he’s aggressive, athletic, and always grounded in his body. even after quitting taekwondo, he stays physically engaged, taking up basketball, aggressively skipping rope despite his bad knee, because “he has to do something.” that’s textbook Se: movement as expression. like suho (another high Se user), gotak communicates care through physical action; teaching juntae to fight, teaching sieun how to play basketball, physically lashing out when hyoman insults baku, or breaking into the union garage when baku disappears, even though sieun asked him not to. he acts because he has to: Ti wants clarity, Se wants momentum.

but what truly leans him toward xSTP is his low Fe. His emotional communication is clumsy; he needs baku to prompt him to apologize or say thanks. His Ti strives to stay calm and factual, but his emotions; protectiveness, irritation, and loyalty; simmer just beneath the surface. he doesn’t judge quickly (a sign of Fe-awareness), like how he defends sieun from trashy gossip despite a rocky first impression of him. still, like suho, he lashes out when he feels misunderstood, like when he says cruel things to sieun during their fallout. And with low Ni he rarely thinks far ahead; breaking into the garage wasn’t a plan, just Ti-logic and Se-impulse running full speed.

gotak is a head-heart-body kind of character. he’s loyal without needing to say it, perceptive without being flashy, and thoughtful in a language that often goes unnoticed.

geum seongje — ENTP (Ne-Ti-Fe-Si)

this is really the easiest one to type because seongje is a textbook ENTP: chaotic intellect.

dominant Ne makes him erratic, unpredictable, and dangerously flexible. he's constantly probing, experimenting, and testing limits. people are like a puzzle to deconstruct. Ne is the function that gives you the skill and urge to explore multiple possibilities, which explains how seongje can justify switching sides mid-fight if it feels fun. he'd join his enemies, then betray them for the punchline.

his tertiary Fe doesn’t function like suho or gotak’s, who pair Fe with Se. while suho and gotak are highly reactive and defensive over them/their loved ones being insulted or misunderstood, seongje’s Fe is more detached. he treats insults like jokes ("is it fun playing na baekjin's minion?" "it is fun. i get to beat up losers like you.").

his Fe makes him socially aware, but it's not a strength, it's weaponized. he understands emotional tones, social roles, and twists them to provoke or entertain. he mocks sincerity (like how he laughs at gotak over his protectiveness for juntae) but still craves attention and reaction (feels hurt because baekjin didn't ask him if he was okay after fighting with sieun).

so ENTP makes seongje unpredictable, perceptive, and always a step ahead.

na baekjin — ENTJ (Te-Ni-Se-Fi)

baekjin, as an ENTJ, is essentially a more dangerous, volatile version of sieun. he's smart, strategic, and ruthlessly efficient; a master planner who relies on his introverted intuition (Ni), to forecast outcomes and his extroverted thinking (Te), to execute them with precision. to baekjin, efficiency isn’t just useful; it’s everything. he doesn’t waste time on what feels good or what’s morally right, only what gets results.

but his inferior Fi (introverted feeling) means he lacks the internal framework to process emotions authentically. he struggles to recognize emotional nuance, both in himself and in others, which leaves him disconnected from his own vulnerability. that’s why, instead of just saying “don’t leave me,” he orchestrates emotional hostage scenarios (like threatening to hurt gotak) to keep baku close. it's twisted, but, to him, weirdly efficient. and in baekjin’s world, effectiveness often replaces intimacy.

he knows what works, not what's right. he weaponizes logic without empathy. and you can’t out-think him, because he’s already seen your next ten moves and calculated exactly where you’ll land.

baekjin uses control and intelligence as a shield, mastering manipulation to avoid vulnerability.

so that ends my analysis. if you need a detailed analysis of a specific character, have contrary opinions, questions about mbti, or need any clarification, then leave me an ask!

#i really abused the formatting feature while writing this post #it's like kids in 2013 discovering the multiple transition options on power point #weak hero class 1 #weak hero #weak hero class 2 #suhosieun #yeon sieun #ahn suho #oh beomseok #youngyi #park humin #seo juntae #go hyuntak #geum seongje #na baekjin #whc2 #ask owl #mbti #weak hero x mbti types

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literatureloverx · 10 months ago

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BSD MEN AND MBTI TYPES [+ their darlings]

So, I’m not sure how many are aware of what MBTI is, but I got a few requests on making an analysis about this for BSD MEN and incorporating their ideal type! darlings’ MBTI types as well, so I did. (I kind of promised that I would do it, so now is the time.)❤️

I want you to know, it wasn’t intentional to place one type as the ideal match for multiple characters. I thought it through thoroughly and did my best to remain as logical and diverse in MBTI types as possible. It’s just that strong Fe users are often a good match for broken people and…well…BSD men are mostly broken.

Here is a brief explanation what MBTI and cognitive functions are, for those who are not familiar with it. If you are familiar with it, you can simply skip to the next paragraph under the thinner cut.❤️

Explanation MBTI: The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is a tool used to understand different personality types based on how people prefer to interact with the world and make decisions. Created by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Cook Briggs, it’s based on ideas from Carl Jung about how people think and behave. MBTI types are 16 four-letter combinations such as INFP or ESTP, that are designed with each 4 primary cognitive functions that are being used frequently by each person. There are 8 cognitive functions, and we all use all of them, however, 4 are always the most comfortable and prominent.

Detailed Explanation of Cognitive Functions: Cognitive functions are specific mental processes that shape how we understand and interact with the world. Each function has a particular role and works in conjunction with others to influence personality. Here’s a closer look at each of the eight cognitive functions:

1. Extraverted Sensing (Se): This function involves focusing on the present moment and taking in information through the senses. People who rely on Se are very aware of their surroundings and enjoy engaging with their environment actively. They tend to live in the moment and respond to immediate sensory experiences.

2. Introverted Sensing (Si): Si involves recalling past experiences and using that information to understand the present. People with strong Si focus on details and how things have been done before. They rely on their memories and internal impressions to make sense of the world.

3. Extraverted Intuition (Ne): Ne is about exploring possibilities and seeing connections between different ideas. Those who use Ne are good at brainstorming and considering multiple potential outcomes. They enjoy thinking about future possibilities and spotting patterns that aren’t immediately obvious.

4. Introverted Intuition (Ni): Ni involves forming insights and understanding future implications based on internal reflections. People with dominant Ni often have a clear vision of how things might unfold and focus on long-term outcomes and deep, conceptual understandings.

5. Extraverted Thinking (Te): This function focuses on organizing and structuring the external world based on logic and efficiency. People who use Te prioritize objective criteria and practical solutions, often seeking to improve systems and achieve measurable results.

6. Introverted Thinking (Ti): Ti involves analyzing and refining ideas based on internal logic. Individuals with strong Ti prefer to understand concepts deeply and develop their own internal frameworks for how things should work. They value precision and consistency in their thoughts.

7. Extraverted Feeling (Fe): Fe is concerned with understanding and responding to the emotions and needs of others. People with strong Fe are focused on creating harmony in their social environments and are sensitive to the feelings of those around them. They often work to ensure that everyone’s needs are met and that social interactions are smooth.

8. Introverted Feeling (Fi): Fi involves making decisions based on personal values and internal emotional responses. Those with dominant Fi focus on staying true to their own principles and beliefs. They prioritize authenticity and personal integrity, making choices that align with their internal values.

Each MBTI personality type has a specific hierarchy of these functions. The dominant function is the primary way a person interacts with the world, while the auxiliary function supports it. The tertiary function is less developed, and the inferior function is the least developed and often a source of stress or growth.

FYODOR DOSTOEVSKY

INTJ (The Mastermind/Architect) - Ni > Te > Fi > Se

Fyodor's dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), reveals itself in his visionary, long-term thinking and his deep strategic foresight. Fyodor operates on a plane that transcends the immediate and the obvious.

He sees patterns, connections, and the potential outcomes of his actions far into the future, often perceiving the world in ways that others simply cannot comprehend.

His overarching goal—to cleanse humanity of its sins—demonstrates a profound understanding of abstract concepts and an almost prophetic ability to see beyond the present, traits quintessential to a dominant Ni user.

Next, we have Extroverted Thinking (Te), Fyodor's auxiliary function, which he employs with ruthless efficiency. His actions are driven by a need to impose order and structure on the chaotic world around him, aligning perfectly with Te's desire for effectiveness and productivity.

Fyodor’s methods, while morally ambiguous, are meticulously planned and executed with precision. This function supports his Ni visions, allowing him to implement his grand schemes with logical, calculated steps.

His ability to manipulate people and situations to his advantage is a direct result of Te’s influence, prioritizing objective outcomes over personal feelings.

His tertiary function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), is less overt but still crucial to understanding his character.

While Fyodor presents a cold, calculating exterior, his actions are ultimately guided by an internal value system—no matter how warped it might seem.

Fyodor's Fi manifests in his unwavering belief in his mission and his disdain for those who fail to meet his moral standards. He perceives himself as a savior of humanity, driven by an intrinsic sense of right and wrong that only he truly understands.

This Fi also explains why Fyodor is so selective about who he allows into his inner world. A potential darling, for instance, would need to align with his deeply held values, reinforcing the notion that Fyodor’s emotional connections are reserved for those who resonate with his internal compass.

Lastly, Fyodor’s inferior function, Extroverted Sensing (Se), is the least developed, manifesting in his apparent disconnection from the physical world.

Unlike characters who thrive on sensory experiences, Fyodor often appears aloof and detached from his surroundings. His focus on abstract ideas over tangible realities suggests a discomfort with Se.

He surrounds himself with serene and controlled environments—places where sensory overload is minimized, and he can concentrate on his internal visions. This discomfort with the physical world further isolates him, reinforcing his preference for solitude and reflection.

In conclusion, Fyodor embodies the traits of an INTJ through his dominant Ni, which allows him to see far-reaching possibilities and plan accordingly; his auxiliary Te, which drives his strategic actions and manipulations; his tertiary Fi, which shapes his personal values and judgments; and his inferior Se, which leads to a disconnect from the immediate physical world.

These cognitive functions, taken together, explain his complex and morally ambiguous character, as well as his potential preferences in a partner—someone who would understand and complement his internal world without disrupting the carefully constructed order he seeks to maintain.

His darling: INFP - Fi > Ne > Si > Te

or INFJ - Ni > Fe > Ti > Se

INFP (The Mediator / Idealist):

In the intricate labyrinth of Fyodor’s mind, where Introverted Intuition (Ni) reigns supreme (this sounds so serious lmao), an INFP female darling would offer an unparalleled balance and harmony.

Her dominant function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), would resonate deeply with Fyodor's own Fi, albeit in a more developed and nuanced form.

While Fyodor’s Fi is selective, almost reclusive, it is this very selectiveness that makes an INFP’s Fi the perfect match. She possesses an intrinsic moral compass, one that is authentic and unwavering, but unlike Fyodor’s, it is deeply empathetic.

Her Fi would draw out the softer, more vulnerable aspects of his tertiary Fi, helping to humanize the rigid internal values that guide his every move.

The INFP’s Extroverted Intuition (Ne), her auxiliary function, would offer Fyodor something he might not even realize he craves—a partner who can perceive multiple possibilities and ideas without being constrained by rigid logic or efficiency.

Her Ne would inject a sense of wonder and exploration into Fyodor’s meticulously controlled world. Unlike the ruthless precision of his Te, her Ne is imaginative, often seeing potential in areas Fyodor’s Ni might overlook (seriously, this man would NEVER overlook anything but let’s stick to that for the narrative).

This openness to possibility would challenge Fyodor, gently encouraging him to see beyond his single-minded visions, adding layers of depth to his already profound insights.

Furthermore, the INFP’s Introverted Sensing (Si) as a tertiary function would provide a subtle, yet grounding influence on Fyodor.

While Fyodor’s inferior Se leaves him disconnected from the physical world, the INFP’s Si, though not dominant, would allow her to appreciate the simple, sensory experiences of life.

She could offer Fyodor a gentle introduction to these experiences, helping him connect, even briefly, with the present moment. Her Si would serve as a quiet anchor, providing stability without overwhelming his discomfort with Se.

Lastly, her Extroverted Thinking (Te) as an inferior function would ensure that while she respects Fyodor’s logical and structured approach, she would not challenge his authority or disrupt the order he values so highly. Instead, her Te would emerge in moments when practicality is required, complementing Fyodor’s own Te without competing with it.

This would create a dynamic where she supports his strategies and plans, but with a gentle touch that allows his Te to dominate, thus preserving the balance of power in the relationship.

In conclusion, an INFP female darling would not only complement Fyodor’s complex INTJ personality but would also provide a much-needed counterbalance to his intensity.

Her Fi would resonate with his, but with a warmth and empathy that could soften his cold, calculating exterior. Her Ne would challenge and expand his Ni, offering new perspectives and possibilities.

Her Si would ground him, even if only slightly, in the present moment, while her inferior Te would respect and subtly support his strategic dominance.

Together, they would form a partnership where his visionary goals are met with understanding, warmth, and a touch of whimsy—qualities that, in the end, may be precisely what Fyodor needs, even if he cannot fully articulate it.

INFJ (The Advocate/Counselor):

An INFJ female darling would be the second-best match for Fyodor, harmonizing with his complex, enigmatic nature while still offering a dynamic that enriches his inner world.

As an INFJ, her dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), aligns perfectly with Fyodor's own Ni, creating a profound connection rooted in their shared ability to perceive the world through abstract, visionary lenses.

This mutual understanding of the intangible and the hidden would foster a relationship where both partners feel deeply understood, even in their most esoteric thoughts. Fyodor, who often finds himself isolated in his strategic foresight, would find in the INFJ a partner who not only comprehends but complements his intuitive depth.

Her Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as an auxiliary function introduces a crucial element of emotional intelligence that Fyodor lacks. While Fyodor’s tertiary Introverted Feeling (Fi) shapes his internal value system, it is often cold, detached, and selectively applied.

The INFJ’s Fe, however, is outwardly focused, naturally attuned to the emotions and needs of others. This function would provide Fyodor with a compassionate, empathetic counterpart who can navigate social dynamics and offer a broader perspective on human emotions—something his Te might dismiss as irrelevant.

The INFJ's Fe would soften Fyodor’s rigid moral judgments, gently encouraging him to consider the emotional consequences of his actions, thereby broadening his understanding of the world beyond his own internal values.

Moreover, the INFJ's Introverted Thinking (Ti), her tertiary function, would subtly complement Fyodor's auxiliary Te. While her Ti is less overt, it allows her to engage in deep, reflective thinking, often uncovering logical inconsistencies or hidden truths in complex situations.

Her Ti would not threaten his Te-driven need for control and order but would instead offer a nuanced, thoughtful perspective that Fyodor could appreciate, particularly when his Ni-driven visions require careful refinement.

This quiet analytical ability would appeal to Fyodor's Te, creating moments of intellectual synergy where both can engage in strategic planning and problem-solving.

Lastly, the INFJ's Extroverted Sensing (Se) as an inferior function mirrors Fyodor's own inferior Se, establishing a shared discomfort with the immediate, sensory world.

This mutual weakness might initially seem like a drawback, but it would actually deepen their bond. Both partners would understand and respect each other's preference for controlled, serene environments, where they can retreat from the overwhelming demands of the physical world.

Their shared Se would reinforce their tendency towards introspection and visionary thinking, ensuring that their relationship remains focused on the abstract, the intellectual, and the strategic.

In conclusion, an INFJ female darling offers Fyodor a harmonious blend of shared intuitive depth and complementary emotional intelligence.

Her Ni resonates with his, creating a deep, almost mystical connection, while her Fe introduces warmth and empathy into his otherwise cold, calculated world.

Her Ti supports and refines his Te-driven plans without challenging his authority, and their shared inferior Se creates a mutual understanding of their need for isolation from the sensory overload of the external world.

While an INFP might provide a softer, more whimsical counterbalance, the INFJ offers a partnership rooted in shared vision and mutual understanding, making her the second-best match for Fyodor's complex, INTJ personality.

DAZAI OSAMU

ENTP (The Debater / Visionary) - Ne > Ti > Fe > Si

Dazai’s dominant function, Extraverted Intuition (Ne), reveals itself in his constant exploration of possibilities and his ability to see multiple angles in any situation.

Dazai operates in a world of endless potential, always considering what could be rather than what is. This makes him unpredictable and difficult to pin down, as he is always a step ahead, contemplating outcomes and scenarios that others might overlook.

His strategic brilliance is a direct result of his Ne, allowing him to manipulate events and people with a creativity that is unmatched.

Dazai’s love for chaos and his playful, almost mischievous nature also stem from this dominant function, as he thrives in environments where he can test boundaries and explore new ideas.

Next, we have Introverted Thinking (Ti), Dazai’s auxiliary function, which he uses to analyze situations with a cold, logical precision.

Ti drives Dazai to understand the underlying mechanics of the world around him, breaking down complex problems into their fundamental components. This function is what gives Dazai his sharp, analytical mind, allowing him to devise intricate plans and see through the facades of others.

His Ti also explains his philosophical musings and existential questioning, as he is constantly trying to make sense of the world and his place in it. Despite his often lighthearted demeanor, there is a deeply intellectual side to Dazai that is always at work, dissecting and evaluating everything he encounters.

His tertiary function, Extraverted Feeling (Fe), is less prominent but still plays a crucial role in how Dazai interacts with others. While he often comes across as detached, Dazai is acutely aware of social dynamics and the emotions of those around him.

He uses this awareness to his advantage, charming or manipulating others as the situation requires. Fe allows Dazai to adapt to different social environments effortlessly, making him a social chameleon who can navigate complex interpersonal relationships with ease.

However, this function also reveals a more manipulative side to Dazai, as he tends to use his understanding of emotions not to connect with others, but to influence and control them.

Lastly, Dazai’s inferior function, Introverted Sensing (Si), is the least developed, manifesting in his apparent disconnection from tradition and the past.

Unlike characters who draw strength from their memories or rely on established routines, Dazai is often seen rejecting or ignoring these aspects of life.

His Si deficiency is evident in his restless nature and his constant search for new experiences, as he struggles to find meaning or stability in what has already been.

This disconnect from Si also contributes to his existential despair, as he finds it difficult to ground himself in any lasting sense of identity or purpose.

In conclusion, Dazai embodies the traits of an ENTP through his dominant Ne, which fuels his endless curiosity and strategic foresight; his auxiliary Ti, which sharpens his analytical thinking; his tertiary Fe, which he uses to navigate and manipulate social interactions; and his inferior Si, which leads to a sense of disconnection from tradition and the past.

These cognitive functions, taken together, explain his complex and often contradictory character, as well as his tendency to oscillate between playful banter and deep existential reflection.

His darling: INFJ - Ni > Fe > Ti > Se

Or ENFJ - Fe > Ni > Se > Ti

INFJ (The Advocate/Counselor):

For Dazai, an INFJ female darling would be the ideal match, complementing and balancing his complex, multifaceted ENTP nature.

Dazai’s dominant Extraverted Intuition (Ne) thrives on possibilities, unpredictability, and the exploration of various outcomes, often leading him into chaotic and uncharted territories. An INFJ’s dominant function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), would resonate with Dazai’s Ne, but in a way that brings focus and depth to his endless curiosity.

While Dazai’s Ne scatters in multiple directions, the INFJ’s Ni would help him see the underlying patterns and deeper meaning behind his explorations, guiding his often chaotic energy into more purposeful and profound insights.

Her Ni would provide a sense of direction that Dazai’s Ne sometimes lacks, allowing them to explore the abstract and conceptual together, but with a shared vision rather than aimless wandering.

Her Extroverted Feeling (Fe) as an auxiliary function would offer a crucial emotional anchor for Dazai, whose Extraverted Feeling (Fe), while present, is often used more for manipulation than genuine connection.

The INFJ’s Fe, however, is deeply empathetic, focused on creating harmony and understanding in her relationships. This emotional intelligence would be a soothing balm to Dazai’s restless soul, providing the warmth and connection he often deflects with humor or detachment.

Her Fe would help Dazai engage with his own emotions more honestly, encouraging him to forge deeper, more meaningful relationships rather than merely skimming the surface.

This would be especially significant for Dazai, whose tertiary Fe can sometimes lead him to feel disconnected from others despite his ability to read social dynamics effortlessly.

The INFJ’s Introverted Thinking (Ti), as her tertiary function, would complement Dazai’s auxiliary Ti, creating an intellectual synergy that both would appreciate.

While Dazai uses his Ti to deconstruct the world around him with sharp, analytical precision, the INFJ’s Ti would offer a quieter, more introspective form of analysis.

Her Ti would challenge Dazai’s sometimes impulsive leaps of logic, encouraging him to consider the ethical and philosophical implications of his actions more deeply. Together, their combined Ti would lead to rich, intellectual conversations, where they can explore complex ideas and theories, each offering a perspective that sharpens the other’s understanding.

Lastly, the INFJ’s Extroverted Sensing (Se), though her inferior function, would mirror Dazai’s own inferior Introverted Sensing (Si) in a way that fosters mutual understanding and growth.

Both struggle with staying grounded in the present moment and often feel disconnected from the physical world or their own past.

However, this shared deficiency would allow them to support one another, finding solace in their mutual discomfort.

The INFJ’s Se might encourage Dazai to occasionally step out of his head and experience the world more fully, while Dazai’s Ne could help the INFJ see the potential beyond what is immediately tangible.

Together, they would create a partnership that balances the abstract with the concrete, allowing them to explore both the potential of the future and the reality of the present.

In conclusion, an INFJ female darling would not only complement Dazai’s ENTP nature but also provide the emotional depth, intellectual stimulation, and intuitive insight that he often seeks but struggles to find.

Her Ni would bring focus to his Ne, her Fe would offer genuine emotional connection where his Fe might falter, her Ti would refine his analytical thinking, and their shared challenges with Se and Si would foster a deep understanding of each other’s struggles.

This relationship would offer Dazai a rare blend of intellectual challenge and emotional support, making the INFJ the best possible partner for his complex and often contradictory character.

ENFJ (The Protagonist / Teacher):

An ENFJ female darling would be the second-best match for Dazai Osamu, providing a relationship dynamic that complements and balances his ENTP nature in several key ways.

Dazai’s dominant Extraverted Intuition (Ne) fuels his exploration of possibilities and his knack for seeing multiple angles of any situation. An ENFJ’s dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would harmonize with Dazai’s Ne, but in a manner that emphasizes emotional connection and social harmony.

The ENFJ’s Fe is adept at understanding and influencing others’ emotions, which would provide Dazai with a stabilizing force, guiding his often chaotic and unpredictable Ne through a lens of empathy and relational awareness. Her Fe would help Dazai see beyond his own intellectual pursuits and appreciate the emotional impact of his actions on those around him.

The ENFJ’s Introverted Intuition (Ni) as her auxiliary function complements Dazai’s Ne by providing depth and focus to their shared explorations.

While Dazai’s Ne leads him to constantly generate new ideas and scenarios, the ENFJ’s Ni would help in distilling these possibilities into a coherent vision. This alignment between Ne and Ni would create a synergy where their ideas are not just imaginative but also strategically meaningful.

The ENFJ’s Extraverted Sensing (Se) as her tertiary function brings a practical, immediate awareness that contrasts with Dazai’s own inferior Introverted Sensing (Si).

While Dazai often struggles with connecting to the present moment and the sensory details of life, the ENFJ’s Se would offer a grounding influence.

Her ability to engage with the external environment would provide a counterbalance to Dazai’s tendency to overlook sensory experiences and tradition. This could help Dazai become more attuned to the here-and-now, enriching his experiences and providing a more balanced perspective on life.

Finally, the ENFJ’s Introverted Thinking (Ti), her inferior function, would offer a unique intellectual counterpoint to Dazai’s dominant Ti.

While Dazai’s Ti is sharp and analytical, often used to dissect and strategize, the ENFJ’s Ti, though less developed, would bring a different flavor of logical analysis.

Her Ti would provide a thoughtful, albeit less dominant, approach to problem-solving, complementing Dazai’s more assertive analytical style. This could lead to rich, nuanced discussions where her perspective enhances his own.

In summary, an ENFJ darling would offer Dazai a blend of emotional depth, strategic insight, and practical grounding.

Her dominant Fe would foster genuine emotional connections and help Dazai consider the social and emotional ramifications of his actions.

Her Ni would add depth and direction to his Ne-driven explorations, making their intellectual pursuits more coherent.

Her Se would ground him in the present, counterbalancing his detachment from sensory experiences, while her Ti would complement and refine his analytical approaches.

Together, they would form a partnership where Dazai’s intellectual brilliance is balanced by the ENFJ’s warmth, vision, and practical insight, making her an excellent second-best match for his dynamic ENTP personality.

In conclusion, an INFJ would offer Dazai deep emotional understanding and intuitive focus, complementing his Ne with depth and introspection.

In contrast, an ENFJ would provide vibrant emotional support and practical grounding, balancing his Ne with empathy and vision while offering immediate sensory awareness.

Both types would enrich Dazai’s life, with the INFJ providing profound, intuitive insight and the ENFJ offering dynamic emotional connection and practical stability.

NAKAHARA CHUUYA

ESTP ( The Entrepreneur / Dynamo) - Se > Ti > Fe > Ni

Chuuya is a character who clearly exemplifies the ESTP personality type. His energetic demeanor, tactical mindset, and grounded approach to life can be understood through the lens of this personality type, revealing a man who thrives on action, pragmatic problem-solving, and sensory experiences.

At the forefront of Chuuya’s character is his dominant function, Extraverted Sensing (Se). This function drives Chuuya’s immediate, action-oriented approach to life. He is intensely aware of his surroundings, reacting quickly to changes and seizing opportunities as they arise.

Chuuya’s preference for hands-on engagement and his readiness to dive into action reflect his high Se, which is evident in his frequent physical confrontations and his ability to handle high-pressure situations with remarkable composure.

His keen sense of fashion is also a manifestation of his Se—his attention to stylish, elegant attire and personal presentation highlights his acute awareness of his environment and his desire to make a tangible impact on those around him.

This focus on immediate, sensory experiences underscores his reliance on Se, making him a master of adapting to and manipulating his environment in real-time.

Next is Introverted Thinking (Ti), Chuuya’s auxiliary function, which supports his strategic prowess and decision-making. While Chuuya is often seen as impulsive and driven by immediate sensations, his actions are underpinned by a logical framework that guides his responses and strategies.

His Ti helps him analyze situations with a critical eye, allowing him to understand and exploit the underlying mechanics of conflicts and challenges. This function contributes to his ability to think on his feet and devise practical solutions to complex problems, aligning with his reputation as a formidable tactician within the Port Mafia.

Extraverted Feeling (Fe), Chuuya’s tertiary function, reveals itself in his interactions with others and his capacity for emotional expression.

While Chuuya may come across as brash and direct, his Fe is evident in his concern for his allies and his desire for harmony within his sphere of influence.

His loyalty and protective nature, particularly toward those he values, highlight his underlying emotional sensitivity and his need to maintain social cohesion.

Although he may not always express his feelings openly, his actions often reflect a deep-seated desire to connect with and support those he cares about, indicating that his Fe is engaged in maintaining relationships and managing social dynamics.

Finally, Chuuya’s inferior function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), is the least developed and manifests as a disinterest or discomfort with long-term planning and abstract conceptualization.

Unlike characters who are comfortable envisioning future possibilities and intricate schemes, Chuuya is more focused on the present moment and immediate concerns.

His actions and decisions are primarily driven by the current situation rather than long-term projections, suggesting that he is less inclined to engage in deep, abstract thinking.

This disconnection from Ni is reflected in his preference for direct action over speculative or future-oriented planning.

In conclusion, Chuuya embodies the ESTP personality through his dominant Se, which drives his action-oriented and sensory-focused approach, including his keen sense of fashion; his auxiliary Ti, which supports his tactical thinking and problem-solving; his tertiary Fe, which influences his emotional interactions and loyalty; and his inferior Ni, which leads to a preference for present-focused, pragmatic decisions.

His darling: ISFJ - Si > Fe > Ti > Ne

Or ESFJ - Fe > Si > Ne >Ti

ISFJ (The Protector / Defender)

An ISFJ female darling would be the ideal match for Chuuya Nakahara, providing a harmonious balance to his dynamic ESTP personality. Her dominant Introverted Sensing (Si) would offer the grounding and stability that Chuuya, with his action-oriented and spontaneous approach to life, often lacks.

Her strong connection to tradition and the past would provide a comforting anchor for Chuuya, helping him appreciate consistency and reliability, which are sometimes overlooked in his pursuit of immediate, sensory experiences.

The ISFJ’s Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would perfectly complement Chuuya’s tertiary Fe, creating a nurturing and emotionally supportive relationship.

While Chuuya’s Fe drives him to protect and connect with those he cares about, her more developed Fe would bring warmth, compassion, and an understanding of social dynamics that could soften Chuuya’s rougher edges.

Her natural ability to maintain harmony and cater to the emotional needs of others would resonate with Chuuya’s loyalty and protectiveness, fostering a deep emotional bond based on mutual care and respect.

Her Introverted Thinking (Ti), though secondary to her Si and Fe, would align well with Chuuya’s auxiliary Ti. Both would appreciate each other’s logical approach to problem-solving and decision-making.

Her Ti would offer a calm, methodical perspective that could help Chuuya refine his strategies and think through the consequences of his actions more thoroughly, especially in situations where his impulsive nature might otherwise lead him astray.

Lastly, the ISFJ’s Extraverted Intuition (Ne), as her inferior function, would introduce a subtle yet valuable element of novelty and open-mindedness into the relationship. While her Ne is less dominant, it would still encourage Chuuya to occasionally consider new possibilities and explore ideas beyond his immediate focus.

This would add a refreshing dynamic to their relationship, allowing them to grow together as they explore new experiences within the safety and security of their shared bond.

In conclusion, an ISFJ female darling would provide Chuuya with the stability, emotional support, and subtle encouragement he needs to thrive both personally and within his intense lifestyle. Her grounding Si, nurturing Fe, logical Ti, and adaptable Ne would create a balanced and fulfilling relationship, making her the best match for Chuuya’s ESTP personality.

ESFJ (The Provider / Consul)

An ESFJ female darling would be an excellent second option for Chuuya Nakahara, offering a complementary dynamic to his ESTP personality. Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would naturally resonate with Chuuya’s own Fe, albeit at a more developed level, creating a relationship built on mutual emotional understanding and a strong sense of loyalty.

While Chuuya’s Fe drives him to protect and maintain harmony within his circle, her Fe would bring an even deeper focus on fostering social connections and ensuring that the emotional needs of those around them are met.

This shared focus on relationships would strengthen their bond and make them a formidable team when it comes to navigating the social complexities of their world.

The ESFJ’s Introverted Sensing (Si), as her auxiliary function, would offer Chuuya the stability and groundedness he sometimes lacks in his spontaneous and action-driven approach to life.

Her strong connection to tradition and the past would provide a comforting and steady influence, helping Chuuya to appreciate the value of consistency and reliability in both his personal life and his role within the Port Mafia.

This would be especially valuable in moments when Chuuya’s dominant Se might lead him to prioritize the thrill of the present over long-term stability.

Her tertiary Extraverted Intuition (Ne) would also introduce a subtle, yet important element of adaptability and creativity into their relationship.

While Chuuya’s focus is often on the immediate and concrete, her Ne would encourage him to explore new ideas and possibilities, adding a layer of flexibility and innovation to their partnership.

This could help Chuuya think beyond the immediate and consider different perspectives, which could be particularly useful in his tactical decision-making.

Finally, the ESFJ’s Introverted Thinking (Ti), though less developed, would complement Chuuya’s auxiliary Ti by providing a more structured and methodical approach to problem-solving.

Her Ti would help balance Chuuya’s sometimes impulsive decision-making, encouraging him to consider the logical implications of his actions in a more deliberate manner.

In summary, an ESFJ female darling would be a wonderful partner for Chuuya, offering emotional depth, stability, and a complementary approach to both their social and practical lives.

Her Fe and Si would harmonize well with Chuuya’s own functions, while her Ne and Ti would provide subtle but important enhancements to their relationship, making her an excellent second-best option for Chuuya’s ESTP personality.

NIKOLAI GOGOL

(I will update this!)

ENTP (The Debater / Visionary) - Ne > Ti > Fe > Si

This one was hard, he is not easy to type. I considered ENFP < ESFP and < ENTP. I ended up picking ENTP for him.

Extraverted Intuition (Ne), the ENTP's dominant function, manifests vividly in Nikolai's boundless exploration of ideas and possibilities. His constant drive to test boundaries and challenge conventional norms speaks to an ENTP's relentless pursuit of novel experiences and understanding.

Nikolai’s actions, driven by a desire to prove his liberation from emotional constraints, are classic Ne — his approach to life is experimental and driven by a fascination with the abstract and unconventional.

His decision to engage in morally questionable acts to demonstrate his freedom from human limitations further illustrates his inclination toward exploring and expanding his conceptual horizons, a hallmark of Ne’s propensity for envisioning endless possibilities.

Introverted Thinking (Ti), the auxiliary function of an ENTP, underpins Nikolai’s strategic and analytical nature. Despite his apparent recklessness, Nikolai's actions are meticulously calculated to achieve his goal of emotional and psychological transcendence.

His ability to analyze and deconstruct situations logically, while crafting elaborate plans to prove his independence from societal norms, underscores the role of Ti. This function supports his propensity for complex problem-solving and his knack for understanding the underlying principles of his actions, even if those principles involve pushing ethical boundaries.

Extraverted Feeling (Fe), as the tertiary function, reflects Nikolai’s awareness of social dynamics and his manipulation of them to serve his ends. While Nikolai exhibits a certain detachment from the emotional impact of his actions, his awareness of and strategic use of social interactions are indicative of Fe.

He navigates social contexts with a calculated precision, aiming to influence and manipulate perceptions to align with his personal ideals. This function reveals his skill in using emotional insights to further his agenda, even as he maintains an outward appearance of detachment.

Introverted Sensing (Si), the inferior function, highlights Nikolai's lesser focus on detailed past experiences and established conventions. ENTPs typically exhibit a less pronounced interest in the specifics of past experiences, preferring instead to innovate and explore new possibilities.

Nikolai’s disregard for the emotional weight of his actions and his preference for forward-thinking experimentation over reflective consideration of past experiences align with Si’s inferior role. His approach to life is characterized by a focus on present and future possibilities rather than a detailed engagement with past experiences.

In summary, Nikolai Gogol embodies the ENTP personality type through his dominant Ne, which drives his exploration of unconventional ideas and possibilities; his auxiliary Ti, which supports his strategic and analytical thinking; his tertiary Fe, which influences his social manipulation and awareness; and his inferior Si, which reflects his limited focus on past details and experiences.

His darling: ENFJ (Fe>Ni>Se>Ti)

Or ESFJ (Fe>Si>Ne>Ti)

ENFJ (The Protagonist / Teacher):

An ENFJ female darling would be the ideal match for Nikolai Gogol, perfectly complementing and balancing his ENTP personality with her emotional intelligence, visionary thinking, and ability to bring out the best in others.

Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would be crucial in connecting with Nikolai on an emotional level, something he often neglects due to his detached and experimental approach to life.

Her natural empathy and understanding of social dynamics would allow her to navigate Nikolai’s complex personality, helping him engage with the emotional consequences of his actions and bringing a sense of humanity to his otherwise abstract pursuits.

Her Introverted Intuition (Ni) would align beautifully with Nikolai’s dominant Ne, providing a sense of shared vision and purpose. While Nikolai is constantly exploring new possibilities and pushing boundaries, the ENFJ’s Ni would offer a deeper, more focused perspective, helping him to see the long-term implications of his actions and to channel his boundless creativity towards meaningful goals. This partnership would enable Nikolai to balance his constant experimentation with a more grounded and purposeful approach to life.

The ENFJ’s Extraverted Sensing (Se), as her tertiary function, would complement Nikolai’s auxiliary Ti by helping him stay connected to the present moment and the tangible world around him.

While he is often caught up in abstract ideas and strategic thinking, her Se would encourage him to appreciate the immediate beauty of life, grounding his experiences in reality. This would help Nikolai to not only plan and theorize but also to enjoy and engage with the present in a more sensory, fulfilling way.

Finally, the ENFJ’s Introverted Thinking (Ti), though less developed, would still offer a subtle, logical structure that could help Nikolai refine his thoughts and ideas.

Her Ti would gently support his complex problem-solving processes, ensuring that his plans and strategies are both emotionally and logically sound. This balance would help Nikolai avoid the potential pitfalls of over-theorizing or becoming too detached from reality, giving him a well-rounded perspective on life.

In summary, an ENFJ female darling would provide the emotional depth, visionary focus, and practical grounding that Nikolai needs to thrive.

Her Fe would connect with him on an emotional level, her Ni would align with his visionary thinking, her Se would help him stay grounded in the present, and her Ti would offer subtle logical support. Together, these qualities would make her the best possible match for Nikolai, bringing out the best in his complex, ENTP personality.

ESFJ ( The Provider / Consul):

An ESFJ female darling would be an excellent second-best match for Nikolai Gogol, offering a grounding and nurturing presence that complements his ENTP personality. Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would provide the strong emotional connection that Nikolai often overlooks in his pursuit of abstract ideas and unconventional experiences. Her natural empathy and desire to maintain harmony in relationships would help balance Nikolai’s more detached and experimental tendencies, encouraging him to consider the emotional impact of his actions on those around him.

The ESFJ’s Introverted Sensing (Si), as her auxiliary function, would contrast with Nikolai’s inferior Si, helping him to connect with and appreciate the past and established traditions. While Nikolai is constantly focused on exploring new possibilities and pushing boundaries, her Si would offer him a sense of continuity and stability. She could help him ground his ideas in reality by drawing on past experiences and proven methods, ensuring that his innovative approaches are not only creative but also practical and effective.

Her Extraverted Intuition (Ne), as a tertiary function, would resonate with Nikolai’s dominant Ne, creating a shared enthusiasm for exploring possibilities and generating new ideas. While her Ne is less dominant, it would still enable her to understand and engage with Nikolai’s creative mind, supporting his need for intellectual stimulation and novel experiences. This alignment would allow them to enjoy dynamic and adventurous conversations, keeping their relationship intellectually vibrant.

Finally, the ESFJ’s Introverted Thinking (Ti), though her inferior function, would offer a subtle but important balance to Nikolai’s strong Ti. Her Ti would help her understand and appreciate the logical structure of Nikolai’s thoughts, even if she doesn’t naturally prioritize logic in the same way. This would allow her to support his analytical processes while still bringing a more compassionate and emotionally aware perspective to their interactions.

In summary, an ESFJ female darling would bring emotional warmth, stability, and a shared enthusiasm for new experiences to Nikolai’s life. Her Fe would nurture and balance his more detached tendencies, her Si would ground his ideas in reality, her Ne would complement his creative exploration, and her Ti would offer subtle logical support.

These qualities make her a strong second-best match for Nikolai, helping him to connect more deeply with others while still enjoying the intellectual and creative stimulation he craves.

AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE

ISFP (The Adventurer / Composer ) - Fi > Se > Ni > Te

Akutagawa's dominant function, Introverted Feeling (Fi), reveals itself in his deeply personal sense of morality and the intense emotions that drive his actions. Although Akutagawa often appears cold and ruthless, his actions are motivated by a strong internal value system that he seldom reveals to others.

His need for validation, particularly from Dazai, is rooted in a profound sense of inadequacy and a desperate desire to prove his worth. This internal emotional landscape, characterized by Fi, defines Akutagawa’s motivations and underlies his quest for recognition, even as he grapples with feelings of rejection and worthlessness.

Next, we have Extraverted Sensing (Se), Akutagawa’s auxiliary function, which manifests in his acute awareness of his physical surroundings and his reactive combat style. Akutagawa thrives in high-pressure situations, where his ability, Rashomon, is wielded with precision and adaptability.

His Se drives him to engage with the world directly and immediately, making him a formidable force in battle. This function supports his Fi by allowing him to take swift and decisive action in pursuit of his personal goals, often leading to intense and violent encounters that are driven by his emotional undercurrents.

His tertiary function, Introverted Intuition (Ni), plays a subtler but significant role in his character. While Akutagawa is primarily focused on the present, there is a persistent sense of future orientation in his actions.

His Ni is evident in his long-term goal of gaining Dazai’s approval and the way he internalizes past experiences to guide his decisions. This function supports his Fi by giving him a sense of purpose and direction, even if it is often clouded by his immediate emotional responses.

Akutagawa’s Ni also manifests in his ability to foresee the consequences of his actions, though this is often secondary to his more dominant functions.

Lastly, Akutagawa’s inferior function, Extraverted Thinking (Te), is the least developed and manifests in his occasional struggle with logical organization and external structure. While Akutagawa can be strategic and methodical in battle, his approach is more often driven by his emotions and immediate sensory inputs rather than a clear, logical framework.

His Te surfaces when he attempts to impose order or efficiency in his environment, but these efforts are often overshadowed by his more dominant Fi and Se functions.

This inferior Te contributes to his difficulties in aligning his internal values with the external world, leading to a sense of frustration and conflict when his actions fail to achieve the desired results.

In conclusion, Akutagawa embodies the traits of an ISFP through his dominant Fi, which drives his intense emotional core and need for validation; his auxiliary Se, which fuels his reactive and physically engaging combat style; his tertiary Ni, which provides a sense of direction and future orientation; and his inferior Te, which occasionally struggles to impose order on his chaotic inner world.

His darling: ISFJ - Si > Fe > Ti > Ne

Or ENFJ - Fe > Si > Ne > Ti

ISFJ - (The Protector / Defender)

An ISFJ female darling would be the ideal match for Akutagawa, providing the stability, care, and emotional grounding that his turbulent ISFP personality craves.

Her dominant Introverted Sensing (Si) would offer Akutagawa a sense of continuity and reliability, something he deeply lacks in his chaotic life. Her ability to recall and value the past would help him feel anchored, offering him a safe emotional space where he can reflect on his experiences without feeling judged or misunderstood.

This grounding presence would counterbalance his reactive and intense Extraverted Sensing (Se), allowing him to find solace in a more structured, stable environment.

The ISFJ’s Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would complement Akutagawa’s deeply personal Introverted Feeling (Fi) by helping him navigate his emotions in a more outward, constructive manner. Her natural empathy and concern for others would provide him with the validation and understanding he seeks but often feels he doesn’t deserve.

Through her Fe, she would help Akutagawa express his feelings in a way that fosters connection rather than isolation, gradually teaching him that he is valued for who he is, not just for his abilities or his success in battle.

Her Introverted Thinking (Ti), while not as prominent, would provide a quiet, logical framework that could help Akutagawa make sense of his internal conflicts.

This function would assist in gently guiding him toward clearer, more structured thinking without overwhelming his emotional processes. Her Ti would act as a subtle but important counterbalance to his chaotic internal world, offering a perspective that is both patient and rational, helping him organize his thoughts and decisions more effectively.

Lastly, the ISFJ’s Extraverted Intuition (Ne), as her inferior function, would resonate with Akutagawa’s Introverted Intuition (Ni), fostering a mutual understanding of future possibilities and deeper meanings.

While her Ne is less developed, it would still complement his Ni by encouraging him to consider alternative perspectives and outcomes, subtly broadening his view without destabilizing his primary focus.

In summary, an ISFJ female darling would bring the stability, emotional support, and gentle guidance that Akutagawa desperately needs.

Her Si would provide grounding, her Fe would offer emotional understanding, her Ti would introduce subtle logic, and her Ne would complement his intuitive insights.

Together, these qualities would help Akutagawa find the balance and emotional connection he craves, making her the best possible match for him.

ENFJ (The Protagonist / Teacher):

An ENFJ female darling would be the second-best match for Akutagawa, offering him the emotional guidance and supportive leadership that could help him grow beyond his inner turmoil.

Her dominant Extraverted Feeling (Fe) would provide a nurturing and empathetic environment, allowing Akutagawa to feel understood and valued.

Her ability to connect with others on an emotional level would help him open up and express his feelings, easing his deep-seated need for validation and helping him navigate his intense Introverted Feeling (Fi) with more clarity and compassion.

The ENFJ’s Introverted Intuition (Ni) would align with Akutagawa’s own Ni, fostering a shared sense of purpose and vision. Her ability to see the bigger picture and understand the deeper implications of their actions would resonate with his need for meaning and direction.

This connection would help him focus his energy and emotions on long-term goals, providing a sense of purpose that extends beyond his immediate struggles.

Her Extraverted Sensing (Se), as her tertiary function, would complement Akutagawa’s auxiliary Se, encouraging him to engage more fully with the present moment.

While her Se is not as dominant, it would still offer a playful and dynamic energy that could help Akutagawa enjoy life’s experiences more openly and with less fear.

This would balance his sometimes overwhelming focus on immediate, intense sensory inputs, helping him approach situations with a bit more lightness and adaptability.

Lastly, the ENFJ’s Introverted Thinking (Ti), as her inferior function, would provide a subtle but important balance to Akutagawa’s chaotic internal world.

Though not her strongest function, her Ti would still offer a logical framework that could help him analyze situations more objectively. This would aid in softening the extremes of his Fi and Se, guiding him toward more balanced and thoughtful decision-making.

In summary, an ENFJ female darling would bring emotional warmth, shared vision, and a supportive, structured approach to Akutagawa’s life.

Her Fe would help him connect and express his emotions, her Ni would align with his sense of purpose, her Se would complement his present-focused intensity, and her Ti would offer subtle logical support.

Together, these qualities would help Akutagawa find emotional balance and a sense of belonging, making her an excellent match for him.

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covid-safer-hotties · 7 months ago

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Hey! Look! A great breakdown of that thing I'm always talking about being a big yet entirely-overlooked deal by 90% of medical professionals in regards to this particular virus!

SARS-CoV-2, the virus behind COVID-19, is not done with us. Over the past four years, it has shown a remarkable ability to adapt, with each new variant outmaneuvering our immune systems in unique ways. The recently published study on the XEC variant (November 22, 2024) provides fresh insights into how this virus is evolving. (1) Combining this with the broader history of immune evasion, we see a troubling pattern: the virus continues to find ways to evade the immune system and in many cases, persist, potentially leaving lasting impacts on our health even for those who experience only mild or asymptomatic infections.

What the Study Found: XEC’s Immune Escape Arsenal The latest study revealed that the XEC variant—an offspring of two previous variants, KS.1.1 and KP.3.3—has developed mechanisms that make it harder for our immune systems to neutralize it. Here’s how it works:

1. Glycosylation Mutations in the N-terminal Domain (NTD):

The XEC variant introduces new glycosylation sites, such as the T22N mutation, which act like a cloak, hiding key parts of the virus from antibodies.

These sugar molecules shield the receptor-binding domain (RBD), a crucial target for vaccines and natural immunity, making it harder for antibodies to bind and neutralize the virus.

2. Allosteric Effects:

Mutations in the NTD don’t just shield the virus—they also alter the behavior of the RBD through a process called allostery. These changes can make the RBD less accessible or alter how it interacts with human cells, further reducing the effectiveness of antibodies.

3. Potential Impact on Membrane Fusion:

The study hints that these mutations may also enhance how efficiently the virus fuses with human cells, potentially increasing its infectivity.

Immune Evasion: A Constant Tug-of-War The ability of SARS-CoV-2 to adapt is not new. Looking back at the history of immune evasion, we see a pattern:

The Early Days: Mutations like D614G made the virus more infectious.

Alpha and Beta Variants: N501Y and E484K mutations increased binding to human cells and evasion of neutralizing antibodies.

Omicron Era: A flurry of spike protein mutations allowed the virus to reinfect people with previous immunity and bypass vaccine-induced protection.

XEC is the next chapter in this story, combining these strategies with new tricks like glycosylation and allosteric modulation to stay ahead of human defenses.

Why This Matters: Beyond Infections Understanding immune evasion isn’t just about tracking infections—it’s about long-term health impacts. Here’s why this evolution is particularly concerning:

1. The Shadow of Long COVID:

Millions of people suffer from Long COVID, characterized by fatigue, brain fog, heart palpitations, and muscle pain. The virus’s ability to persist and evade the immune system might explain why symptoms linger for months or years in some individuals.

Chronic immune activation or hidden reservoirs of the virus could drive these long-term effects.

2. Asymptomatic but Chronic Damage:

Even in people without noticeable symptoms, SARS-CoV-2 has been shown to cause subtle, potentially long-term damage to:

Vascular systems: Leading to inflammation and microclot formation.

Neurological function: Disrupting brain activity and potentially accelerating neurodegenerative conditions. Early onset dementia

Musculoskeletal health: Causing unexplained weakness or pain.

Cognitive performance: Contributing to memory issues and reduced mental clarity. Are you or someone you know having more trouble finding words to use or losing things more often?

3. Vaccines Alone Aren’t Enough:

While vaccines remain essential, their effectiveness is limited by the virus’s rapid evolution. Variants like XEC show how SARS-CoV-2 can sidestep even the most advanced immune defenses, highlighting the need for next-generation vaccines targeting broader parts of the virus. We have know this for a long time now so where are the broader targeting vaccines?

The Future of SARS-CoV-2 Evolution The virus has already demonstrated its ability to adapt to our immune responses in multiple ways, and there’s no reason to believe it will stop. Here are some possibilities for future adaptation:

Further Refinement of Glycosylation: Adding or modifying sugar molecules could make the virus even more difficult to detect.

Enhanced Membrane Fusion: Mutations that improve how the virus merges with human cells could increase its infectivity.

Host Adaptation: Over time, the virus could become better at hiding within human cells, evading both natural immunity and therapeutic interventions.

Increased Chronicity: The virus might evolve to persist at low levels in the body, leading to ongoing inflammation and long-term health consequences.

What We Can Do: Adapting to the Virus’s Adaptations The XEC variant and others like it remind us that SARS-CoV-2 is still a formidable opponent. Here’s what we can do:

1. Invest in Better Vaccines:

Universal or pan-coronavirus vaccines that target conserved regions of the virus are critical.

2. Improve Diagnostics:

Detecting chronic or asymptomatic infections early could help mitigate long-term health effects.

3. Focus on Treatment:

Antiviral drugs that target different parts of the virus, combined with treatments for inflammation and immune dysregulation, could help reduce the impact of Long COVID.

4. Stay Vigilant:

For individuals, maintaining basic preventive measures during high transmission periods can significantly reduce risks.

Conclusion: Learning from the Virus SARS-CoV-2 is teaching us a harsh lesson about evolution. Its ability to adapt and evade our defenses, from antibodies to T-cells, shows no sign of slowing down. Variants like XEC underscore the importance of continued research, innovation, and public health vigilance. By understanding the virus’s strategies and preparing for its next moves, we can better protect ourselves—not just from acute infections but from the long-term consequences.

Reference:

Enhanced immune evasion of SARS-CoV-2 variants KP.3.1.1 and XEC through N-terminal domain mutations (November 22, 2024)

www.thelancet.com/journals/laninf/article/PIIS1473-3099%2824%2900738-2/fulltext

#mask up #public health #wear a mask #pandemic #covid #covid 19 #wear a respirator #still coviding #coronavirus #sars cov 2

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technofeudalism · 1 month ago

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"it's ridiculous to say it's easier to cheat academically now" every single student in the first world has a cheating machine in their pocket at all times everywhere they go that can tell them exactly what to think, say and feel and it completely and utterly replaces every part of the critical thinking process in every single way if you want it to. the basic entry point for cheating used to be, at minimum, having the money or the social capital to convince someone to help you cheat. if you cannot reconcile this, then my unfounded assumption based solely on vibes is that you are probably using or have used AI for academic purposes and are defending it solely on the basis that you feel called out for it. it's crazy that you'll get put on a cross on here for using AI for art but academically, the excuses are everywhere.

people have been cheating academically since the beginning of academics. the difficulty to do so, however, has absolutely steeply decreased. not only that, but why are we totally disregarding the fact that people who relied upon cheating the way that a huge number of students rely on ChatGPT today were already seeing reduced academic performance? like... we've known for years that regularly cheating and cognitive offloading the old way leads to worse academic outcomes. so why would the analysis be less critical when a far, far larger percentage of the student population is now doing so and using a tool that is far more accessible and efficient to make it possible?

if you want to make this a socioeconomic issue, which i agree it is, then fine. be a socialist. join an organization and advocate for free education, health care and housing. it is also absolutely an issue accelerated at break neck speed by COVID. but you have to start by acknowledging there is a problem. you need to put the AI down, even if it puts you at a disadvantage. at the very bare minimum, you need to stop using it to write and summarize for you. it will be more difficult, it will take more time, you will fail, it will be hard. but you need to stop letting the machine that is wrong all the time and easily manipulated by your own biases and the biases of it's creators think on your behalf.

#text #ai

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story-box · 2 months ago

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SLICE OF TIME | Spencer Reid

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader | Spencer Reid x You

Summary: A quiet morning, a warm blanket, and the kind of stillness that makes time feel like it’s standing still. Who could ask for more?

It was the kind of Sunday morning that moved like honey. Slow, golden, and sweet.

The apartment was quiet except for the occasional sound of pages turning and the rhythmic hum of the city just beyond the window. You were curled into the corner of the couch, legs tangled with Spencer’s under the weight of a shared knit blanket that had definitely seen better days.

Spencer's reading glasses were slipping slightly down his nose, his face scrunched up in concentration as he skimmed the page of whatever dense book he’d pulled off the shelf this morning

You couldn't even pronounce the title. Probably something philosophical. Or quantum-y.

Your own book was much lighter. A medieval-fantasy novel you’d been meaning to start for weeks—soft and poetic, the kind that made you highlight every third line.

But instead of reading, you found yourself watching him instead.

“Technically,” Spencer said, without looking up from his book, “this is one of the most efficient ways to spend a Sunday morning.”You glanced over at him, tucked into the opposite end of the couch, legs stretched out so his socked feet barely brushed your thigh under the blanket. “Reading?”

“Reading in the morning,” he clarified, adjusting his grip on the worn paperback in his hands. “The brain retains information better during periods of rest. Or… semi-rest. There was a study in Cognitive Neuroscience Review that found reading comprehension and emotional processing increased by almost 14% when participants read during low-stimulation hours like early morning or right before bed.”

You smiled into your pages. “So you’re saying we’re smarter right now.”

Spencer’s mouth twitched into the smallest smile. “Relatively, yes.”

You set your mug on the side table and tugged the blanket tighter around your legs. “What are you reading this time?”

He turned the book so you could see the cover. The Fabric of the Cosmos. Of course.

“Light reading,” you deadpanned.

Spencer looked sheepish. “I—I can summarize it for you, if you want. There’s actually this fascinating section on how time might not be linear, which could explain a lot about memory perception and déjà vu, and—”

You scooted over before he could spiral further, sliding in next to him and resting your head against his shoulder. “I’d love that,” you said softly.

He paused, a little startled at the closeness, but then let his body relax under the weight of yours. You felt the way his breathing slowed, syncing unconsciously with your own. He cleared his throat, his voice quieter now.

“Okay. Um… so in classical physics, time is this forward-moving constant, right? But quantum theory—especially string theory—suggests that might not be the whole picture. Time could be more like a… like a loaf of bread, where all the moments already exist and we just move through them one slice at a time…”

His words faded in and out, comforting more than academic, his cadence familiar and safe. You didn’t fully follow the theory, but that wasn’t the point. The point was this: the steady sound of Spencer Reid explaining the universe while you leaned against him on a quiet Sunday morning, your book long forgotten.

Eventually, his words slowed. “Are you still awake?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, even though your eyes had been closed for a while now.

“Okay,” he whispered, letting the book fall to his lap. “I’ll just… stay like this for a while.”

You didn’t say anything, but your hand found his under the blanket and held it.

You didn’t need a theory of time to know this was a moment you’d want to keep forever.

#spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #dr spencer reid #criminal minds fic #fluffy #fluffy fic #sunday morning #so eepy

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year ago

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The health industry’s invisible hand is a fist

On June 21, I'm doing an ONLINE READING for the LOCUS AWARDS at 16hPT. On June 22, I'll be in OAKLAND, CA for a panel and a keynote at the LOCUS AWARDS.

The US has the rich world's most expensive health care system, and that system delivers the worst health outcomes of any country in the rich world. Also, the US is unique in relying on market forces as the primary regulator of its health care system. All of these facts are related!

Capitalism's most dogmatic zealots have a mystical belief in the power of markets to "efficiently allocate" goods and services. For them, the process by which goods and services are offered and purchased performs a kind of vast, distributed computation that "discovers the price" of everything. Our decisions to accept or refuse prices are the data that feeds this distributed computer, and the signals these decisions send about our desires triggers investment decisions by sellers, which guides the whole system to "equilibrium" in which we are all better off.

There's some truth to this: when demand for something exceeds the supply, prices tend to go up. These higher prices tempt new sellers into the market, until demand is met and prices fall and production is stabilized at the level that meets demand.

But this elegant, self-regulating system rarely survives contact with reality. It's the kind of simplified model that works when we're hypothesizing about perfectly spherical cows of uniform density on a frictionless surface, but ceases to be useful when it encounters a messy world of imperfect rationality, imperfect information, monopolization, regulatory capture, and other unavoidable properties of reality.

For members of the "efficient market" cult, reality's stubborn refusal to behave the way it does in their thought experiments is a personal affront. Panged by cognitive dissonance, the cult members insist that any market failures in the real world are illusions caused by not doing capitalism hard enough. When deregulation and markets fail, the answer is always more deregulation and more markets.

That's the story of the American health industry in a nutshell. Rather than accepting that people won't shop for the best emergency room while unconscious in an ambulance, or that the "clearing price" of "not dying of cancer" is "infinity," the cult insists that America's worst-in-class, most expensive health system just needs more capitalism to turn it into a world leader.

In the 1980s, Reagan's court sorcerers decreed that they could fix health care with something called "Prospective Payment Systems," which would pay hospitals a lump sum for treating conditions, rather than reimbursing them for each procedure, using competition and profit motives to drive "efficiency." The hospital system responded by "upcoding' patients: if you showed up with a broken leg and a history of coronary disease, they would code you as a heart patient and someone who needed a cast. They'd collect both lump sums, slap a cast on you, and wheel you out the door:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4195137/

As Robert Kuttner writes for The American Prospect, this kind of abuse was predictable from the outset, especially since Health and Human Services is starved of budget for auditors and can only hand out "slaps on the wrist" when they catch a hospital ripping off the system:

https://prospect.org/economy/2024-06-13-fantasyland-general/

Upcoding isn't limited to Medicare fraud, either. Hospitals and insurers are locked in a death-battle over payments, and hospitals' favorite scam is sending everyone to the ER, even when they don't have emergencies (some hospitals literally lock all the doors except for the ER entrance). That way, a normal, uncomplicated childbirth can be transformed into a "Level 5" emergency treatment (the highest severity of emergency) and generate a surprise bill of over $2,700:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/10/27/crossing-a-line/#zero-fucks-given

The US health industry is bad enough to generate a constant degree of political will for change, but the industry (and its captured politicians and regulators) is also canny enough to dream up an endless procession of useless gimmicks designed to temporarily bleed off the pressure for change. In 2018, HHS passed a rule requiring hospitals to publish their prices.

Hospitals responded to this with a shrewd gambit: they simply ignored the rule. So in 2021, HHS made another rule, creating penalties for ignoring the first rule:

https://www.cms.gov/priorities/key-initiatives/hospital-price-transparency/hospitals

The theory here was that publishing prices would create "market discipline." Again, this isn't wholly nonsensical. To the extent that patients have nonurgent conditions and the free time to shop around, being able to access prices will help them. Indeed, if the prices are in a standards-defined, machine-readable form, patients and their advocates could automatically import them, create price-comparison sites, leaderboards, etc. None of this addresses the core problem that health-care is a) a human right and b) not a discretionary expense, but it could help at the margins.

But there's another wrinkle here. The same people who claim that prices can solve all of our problems also insist that monopolies are impossible. They've presided over a decades-long assault on antitrust law that has seen hospitals, pharma companies, insurers, and a menagerie of obscure middlemen merge into gigantic companies that are too big to fail and too big to jail. When a single hospital system is responsible for the majority of care in a city or even a county, how much punishment can regulators realistically subject it to?

Not much, as it turns out. Kuttner describes how Mass Gen Brigham cornered the market on health-care in Boston, allowing it to flout the rules on pricing. In addition to standard tricks – like charging self-pay patients vastly more than insured payments (because individuals don't have the bargaining power of insurers), Mass Gen Brigham's price data is a sick joke.

See for yourself! The portal will send you giant, unstructured, ZIPped text files filled with cryptic garbage like:

https://www.massgeneralbrigham.org/en/patient-care/patient-visitor-information/billing/cms-required-hospital-charge-data

These files have tens of thousands of rows. As a patient, you are meant to parse through these in order to decide whether you're getting ripped off on that HIP STEM 16X203MM SIZE 4 FEMORAL PRESS FIT NEUTRAL REVISION TITANIUM you're in the market for (as it happens, I have two of these in my body).

Kuttner describes the surreal lengths he had to go through to prevent his mother from getting ripped off by Mass Gen through an upcoding hustle. By coding her as "admitted for observation," Mass Gen was able to turn her into an outpatient, with a 20% co-pay (this is down to a GW Bush policy that punishes hospitals that charge Medicare for inpatient care when they could be treated as outpatients – hospitals reflexively game the system to make every patient an outpatient, even if they have overnight hospital stays).

Kuttner's an expert on this: he was national policy correspondent for the New England Journal of Medicine and covers the health beat for the Prospect. Even so, it took him ten hours of phone calls to two doctors' offices and Blue Cross to resolve the discrepancy. The average person is not qualified to do this – indeed, the average person won't even know they've been upcoded.

Needless to say that people in other countries – countries where health care is cheaper and the outcomes are better – are baffled by this. Canadians, Britons, Australians, Germans, Finns, etc do not have to price-shop for their care. They don't have to hawkishly monitor their admission paperwork for sneaky upcodes. They don't have to spend ten hours on the phone arguing about esoteric billing practices.

In a rational world, we'd compare the American system to the rest of the world and say, "Well, they've figured it out, we should do what they're doing." But in good old U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!, the answer to this is more prices, more commercialization, more market forces. Just rub some capitalism on it!

That's where companies like Multiplan come in: this is a middleman that serves other middlemen. Multiplan negotiates prices on behalf of insurers, and splits the difference between the list price and the negotiated price with them:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/07/us/health-insurance-medical-bills.html

But – as the Arm and a Leg podcast points out – this provides the perverse incentive for Multiplan to drive list prices up. If the list price quintuples, and then Multiplan drives it back down to, say, double the old price, they collect more money. Meanwhile, your insurer sticks you with the bill, over and above your deductible and co-pay:

https://armandalegshow.com/episode/multiplan/

The Multiplan layer doesn't just allow insurers to rip you off (though boy does it allow insurers to rip you off), it also makes it literally impossible to know what the price is going to be before you get your procedure. As with any proposition bet, the added complexity is there to make it impossible for you to calculate the odds and figure out if you're getting robbed:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/04/house-always-wins/#are-you-on-drugs

Multiplan is the purest expression of market dynamics brainworms I've yet encountered: solving the inefficiencies created by the complexity of a system with too many middlemen by adding another middle-man who is even more complex.

No matter what the problem is with America's health industry, the answer is always the same: more markets! Are older voters getting pissed off at politicians for slashing Medicare? No problem: just create Medicare Advantage, where old people can surrender their right to government care and place themselves in the loving hands of a giant corporation that makes more money by denying them care.

The US health industry is a perfect parable about the dangers of trusting shareholder accountable markets to do the work of democratically accountable governments. Shareholders love monopolies, so they drove monopolization throughout the health supply chain. As David Dayen writes in his 2020 book Monopolized the pharma industry monopolized first, and put the screws to hospitals:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/29/fractal-bullshit/#dayenu

Hospitals formed regional monopolies to counter the seller power of consolidated Big Pharma. That's Mass Gen's story: tapping the capital markets to buy other hospitals in the region until it became too big to fail and too big to jail (and too big to care). Consolidated hospitals, in turn, put the screws to insurers, so they also consolidated, fighting Big Hospital's pricing power.

Monopoly at any point in a supply chain leads to monopoly throughout the supply chain. But patients can't consolidate (that's what governments are for – representing the diffuse interests of people). Neither can health workers (that's what unions are for). So the system screwed everyone: patients paid more for worse care. Health workers put in longer hours under worse conditions and got paid less.

Kuttner describes how his eye doctor races from patient to patient "as if he was on roller skates." When Kuttner wrote him a letter questioning the quality of care, the eye doctor answered that he understood that he was giving his patients short shrift, but explained that he had to, because his pay was half what he needed, relegating him to a small apartment and an old car. The hospital – which skims the payments he gets for care – sets his caseload, and he can't turn down patients.

The answers to this are obvious: get markets out of health care. Unionize health workers. Give regulators the budgets and power to hold health corporations to account.

But for market cultists, all of that can't work. Instead, we have to create more esoteric middlemen like "pharmacy benefit managers" and Multiplan. We need more prices to shovel into the market computer's data-hopper. If we just capitalism hard enough, surely the system will finally work…someday.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/13/a-punch-in-the-guts/#hayek-pilled

#billing codes #health #corruption #ripoffs #arm and a leg podcast #robert kuttner #prices #austrian economics #Prospective Payment Systems #the invisible hand #shop around #a market for lemons #monopoly #monopolization #upcoding

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