#courage to be disliked

[thecultureapothecary]

The Courage To Be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

[harmonyhealinghub]

The Courage to Be Disliked: Embracing Authenticity

Shaina Tranquilino

February 16, 2024

In a world that often values conformity and seeks approval, it takes immense courage to be disliked. We are constantly bombarded with societal expectations, social media pressures, and the fear of being judged by others. However, embracing the courage to be disliked can be liberating, empowering us to live life on our own terms and foster genuine connections with those who appreciate our authentic selves.

1. The Illusion of Social Approval:

Society conditions us to seek validation from others as a measure of success or happiness. This constant pursuit of acceptance can lead to compromising our true identities, dreams, and desires. The courage to be disliked requires acknowledging that not everyone will like us or agree with our choices – and that's perfectly okay.

2. Self-Acceptance and Inner Freedom:

When we embrace the courage to be disliked, we cultivate self-acceptance. Instead of seeking external validation, we learn to validate ourselves based on our own values, beliefs, and passions. This newfound inner freedom allows us to pursue what genuinely fulfills us without being confined by societal norms or the fear of judgment.

3. Authenticity Breeds Connection:

When we have the courage to be disliked, we attract people who value authenticity rather than superficiality. By staying true to ourselves, we create meaningful connections with individuals who accept us for who we are, flaws and all. Genuine relationships are built upon mutual understanding, respect, and acceptance – traits that flourish when authenticity is embraced.

4. Growth through Criticism:

The courage to be disliked doesn't mean disregarding constructive criticism altogether; it means having the resilience to differentiate between valuable feedback and baseless negativity aimed at discouraging us from being true to ourselves. Constructive criticism helps us grow personally and professionally while allowing us to maintain our authentic identity.

5. Inspiring Others:

By embodying the courage to be disliked, we become a source of inspiration for others who may be struggling to break free from societal expectations. Our authenticity can encourage them to embrace their true selves, ultimately creating a ripple effect that promotes individuality and diversity in society.

The courage to be disliked is the key that unlocks the door to a life lived authentically. It liberates us from the shackles of seeking approval, empowers us to embrace our uniqueness, and fosters genuine connections with like-minded individuals. When we have the audacity to stay true to ourselves, we inspire others to do the same, fostering an environment where everyone can thrive as their authentic selves. So let go of the fear of being disliked and step into a life filled with freedom, growth, and fulfillment.

[thiscosmiclatte]

[enactoflife123]

Self Reflection: What's my common mistakes?

1. I always make assumption.

Ex: You like this stuff right? Honestly, if they didn't state it, what I said could most likely be wrong and it may end up sounding presumptuous.

2. Sometimes, I always assume the worst of people and situation unnecessarily.

What if...? I could/would be mortified. That will be bad. I should just stop attempting it altogether.

I should treat everyone as my comrades rather than enemy. That way, I will not maliciously judge their action towards me have any bad results or intentions.

-Based on "The courage to be Disliked"

3. I panick easily.

When things don't go the way I thought it will be, I should have take a step back, adjust my breath and analyze the situation.

[deeply-winter]

books that have changed the way I think:

the courage to be disliked by ichiro kishimi

braiding sweetgrass by robin wall kimmerer

women who run with the wolves by clarissa pinkola estés

the day the world stopped shopping by jb mackinnon

the red tent by anita diamant

the art of frugal hedonism by adam grubb & annie raser-rowland

caliban and the witch by silvia federici

when the body says no by gabor maté

a swim in a pond in the rain by george saunders

[fellthemarvelous]

Aziraphale hate makes my brain hurt.

Like let's be really fuckin' for real here.

Neurodivergent fans have repeatedly said that Aziraphale is autistic coded. I agree with them. I have never been diagnosed but I wonder about myself. If only I could get a doctor to take me seriously enough to test me for it, but alas, I'm a 43-year-old woman living in the good ole US of A.

Those with religious trauma have repeatedly said that they identify with him as well. I'm one of those people. I endured 12 years of Catholic schools and just as much time being taught a very black and white view of things that I've had to spend more than 20 goddamn fucking years working to unlearn.

I find that my views as a survivor of religious abuse are often dismissed because people keep wanting to say "Aziraphale doesn't have religious trauma." Yes, thank you, I get that, but unless you've been indoctrinated and brainwashed into a very black and white view of the world, you probably don't understand the kind of feelings Aziraphale's onscreen experiences evoke in so many of us. Heaven might not be real, but the feelings of "God is always watching" still stick with me today even though I no longer believe in God. I have entirely denounced Christianity because of my own personal experience, and I refuse to allow people to try and guilt me or shame me for trauma that I didn't ask for. I wasn't given a choice.

As a child I was told that God was real and always watching everything you do (just like Santa Claus) and can hear everything you say and knows everything you are thinking. Do you know what I learned to do in order to cope with this overwhelming and anxiety-inducing information as a small child? I learned to censor my thoughts. I never spoke up, and I have always felt like I was putting on a show for people because I had to be who I was told to be or I would get into trouble.

Aziraphale said "poverty is a virtue" during The Resurrectionists, and as someone who grew up in the Bible belt and went to private schools, I was taught this very same shit by the Catholic church. He learned in that very same episode that "poverty is a virtue" is actually a tool of oppression to keep the poor poor and the wealthy wealthy. I know we all watched the episode. He went into that episode believing what he said, but by the end of it he knew it was actually utter bullshit. Aziraphale is not ignorant. He's highly intelligent, and he has never been too proud to admit when he has been wrong. He accepts that the information he learned before is not matching up with reality.

And it's so obvious some of you have zero experience with that type of indoctrination because of how very little empathy you show Aziraphale for his "mistake" of "choosing Heaven over Crowley" and "making Crowley sad" so clearly Aziraphale must somehow be "abusive" and "manipulative" and "selfish" and "self-centered" because he didn't choose to run away with Crowley at the end of season two.

First of all.

FIRST OF ALL...

Aziraphale has a mind of his own.

Aziraphale is always going to try and do what is right.

Aziraphale is an angel. He's a being of love. And the reason he's so "bad" at being an angel is because he actually wants to protect humanity. He has always loved humanity. He repeatedly has to contend with what is "right" versus what is "good" and "wrong" versus "evil". Yeah, he has flaws. He's an angel, not a goddamn fucking saint. He has lived on Earth for more than 6,000 years. He has seen everything. He loves doing human things.

He's obsessed with magic. It makes him so happy. He's not very good at it...well not when he's trying to put on a show for Crowley.

He chose to learn French the hard way, so even though he knows every single language in the world, he chooses to be mediocre at French. Something that annoys and amuses Crowley at the same time.

He loves to dance even though angels aren't supposed to dance, and dancing with Crowley was what he wanted the most.

He owns a bookshop and refuses to sell any of his books because they are books he's had for as long as there have been books. He will chase customers away from his collection, and Crowley understands how much they mean to Aziraphale because he refuses to sell any when Aziraphale leaves him in charge.

He and Crowley have been speaking to each other in coded language for more than 6,000 years. They have to be very careful about what they say because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Heaven has photographs of Crowley and Aziraphale sitting or standing together throughout history. Hell had one photo of Crowley and Aziraphale actually working together and it was Aziraphale's quick thinking and how good he actually is at sleight of hand tricks that managed to get that photo out of Furfur's hands so he wouldn't be able to turn Crowley over to the Dark Council.

Aziraphale saved Crowley from being taken to Hell again. He wasn't able to save Crowley from Hell in Edinburgh, but he sure as heck managed to save Crowley from Hell during WWII. He took Crowley to his bookshop and showed Crowley that he stole the picture from Furfur. He saved Crowley.

You get that, right?

Aziraphale SAVED Crowley.

People always talk about how it's "always Crowley saving Aziraphale" because apparently heroic acts are only heroic when they are grand gestures. The sleight of hand wasn't heroic at all, am I right? It wasn't sparkly and showy. It wasn't interesting enough, therefore not heroic. At least that's all I'm hearing when people start with their "blah Aziraphale deserves to suffer because I have no imagination or ability to understand the media in front of me blah", and all these reasons he deserves to suffer is because Crowley almost got hurt.

Aziraphale did that without flinching and I watch that part closely every single time. He's not scared for himself. He's scared for Crowley, and he managed to hold onto that photograph. He did not fail Crowley. He protected Crowley.

And so here's another thing that we like to point out. The way that Aziraphale, an angel who is effeminate and male presenting, an angel who is soft and full of love, an angel who is kind and forgiving because he has empathy and compassion, is somehow painted as abusive and manipulative. He's not violent, but he could easily fuck up your world. He doesn't use his powers. We have no idea how powerful he is because we only ever see him do small acts. He's used to hiding. It's the only way he has ever been able to protect Crowley.

And I'm not saying that Aziraphale has actually saved Crowley before means that Crowley hasn't also saved Aziraphale. Like, you get that those are not mutually exclusive and their relationship is not transactional, right? They have spent their entire existence protecting each other but never actually getting to be together because Heaven and Hell are always watching.

Yeah, Crowley fell. We all know this. We are aware of this. He was the serpent of Eden. He gave humanity the knowledge of free will.

But what we don't talk about is what Aziraphale gave humanity.

What did he give them?

We all know what it is!

Let's say it together!

He gave Adam and Eve his flaming sword because it was dangerous outside the garden and Eve was pregnant and she was already having a really bad day. He showed them compassion and gave them his extremely powerful angelic weapon so they would stand a chance on the outside of the garden. He gave humanity the gift of compassion. It's just unfortunate that his flaming sword became a weapon of War.

And then what did he do after that?

Ooooh, yeah, that's right.

God asked him about it and he straight up lied to her and pretended he had no idea where he'd managed to misplace it. She didn't say anything after that. He told Crowley the truth though. He told Crowley the truth even though Crowley fell.

Yeah, we know Aziraphale has done some really fucking questionable things. He and Crowley both suck at passing for human in front of observant people like Nina. They're not human. They are still learning, but they managed to experience human history together despite being on opposite sides and their experiences with humanity are what has shaped them into the compassionate and loving duo they are now. One of them is not better from the other.

This, my friends, is what we call meeting in the middle. It's why shades of gray is so important. Aziraphale constantly breaks the rules. Crowley refused to play by Heaven's rules. It's the reason he fell. He doesn't play by Hell's rules either. These two dorks figured out how to cancel each others' miracles out throughout human history in order to have more time learning about humanity and each other because working all day every day sucks when there are so many new things to learn and experience with the people you love.

We know Crowley and Aziraphale both love each other. Neither of them are good at hiding the hearts stars in their eyes.

But here's what's really fucking annoying about the Aziraphale hate.

Aziraphale was already crying when Crowley grabbed him and kissed him. Aziraphale is trying so very hard to do the right thing. He loves Crowley. He does. But he also has a duty to humanity, and he has taken that job very seriously since the creation of Adam and Eve. He sent them out into the world with a flaming sword so they would have a chance at surviving beyond the walls of the garden.

And he knows that Something Terrible is going to happen and he spent all of second season trying to figure out what that Something Terrible was while trying to have some sort of more honest and open relationship with Crowley, but again, they aren't human, they are a demon and an angel approaching life from opposite sides who met in the middle and fell in love with humanity together.

He wants more than anything to tell Crowley how he feels about him, but he wants to do something grand for Crowley because Crowley has always been grand and dramatic and sexy and a little bit scary.

Crowley is impulsive and has a temper and sometimes says the wrong thing but he has always trusted Aziraphale because Aziraphale gave him a chance even after he fell. Aziraphale chose to shelter him instead of smiting him while they stood on top of that wall. He knew he was supposed to kill Crowley, but oops, he gave his sword away to the humans so he didn't really have anything to kill him with and Crowley is the one who created nebulas. The Pillars of Creation is Crowley's work and Aziraphale was there to witness that, but he watched Crowley more than he watched the nebula. He witnessed the pure joy on Crowley's face when he said "let there be light" as a nebula full of colors exploded before their eyes. He was fascinated by Crowley.

But Aziraphale is going back to Heaven even though he has made it perfectly clear he absolutely has no desire to go back to Heaven. He told the Metatron this during their conversation. He spoke these words out loud. They exist.

But then The Metatron said this....

The Metatron. The very same angel who told Aziraphale in season one "to speak to me is to speak to the Almighty." He's the boss. He's the big guy. He's used to existing as a giant head and he had to give himself a body so he wouldn't stand out on Earth. And he knows that Aziraphale and Crowley have been working together since the beginning. He knows they worked together to prevent Armageddon in season one, and now he's made it clear he knows they were working together long before that. And let's face it, Aziraphale really wants to know what this Something Terrible is that Gabriel is running from so he can try to prevent it from happening.

It makes sense that he would want to take Crowley to Heaven with him because he would be able to keep Hell from getting their hands on him again. Aziraphale hates it in Heaven. He doesn't want to go, but Something Terrible is happening and Metatron isn't taking no for an answer, and maybe Heaven won't be so bad if Crowley is there with him. At least they can fix Heaven together.

But Crowley can't go back. We all get that. We don't blame him for saying no. It doesn't change anything.

Something Terrible is about to happen and Aziraphale has to figure out what it is. He wants to change Heaven.

He is fully aware that Heaven sucks. He still has faith in God. His faith isn't in Heaven. He deserted his platoon in season one and threw himself back to Earth so he could figure out how to make sure the war between Heaven and Hell doesn't happen.

But see, here's the thing. Heaven is at the top. Heaven has all the resources. Heaven is responsible for the creation of Hell. Heaven is empty and Hell is overpopulated. Aziraphale knows this. Crowley knows this. It's obvious every time we see either place. Both sides are desperate to go to war and will not hesitate to destroy humanity in the process. This is the opposite of what Crowley and Aziraphale want for humanity. If anyone can change Heaven, it's Aziraphale. He's the only one up there who gives a shit about humanity as far as we know. No one else is going to speak on humanity's behalf.

Some of us are so busy getting mad at Aziraphale for going back to Heaven and giving Crowley a Big Sad. Newsflash: Crowley is not the main character of Good Omens. Aziraphale and Crowley are equals, yet we wanna hold Aziraphale to higher standards because he's an angel, and when he makes mistakes it's proof that he's the bad guy.

Holy mother of all things that trigger my religious trauma, let me tell you. I spent my entire life hating myself every time I made mistakes. I've had to teach myself that just because I mess up sometimes doesn't mean I'm bad. It means I'm human. I still struggle with it. I probably always will. So when you say that Aziraphale deserves to be punished for breaking Crowley's heart, you not only ignore that Aziraphale's heart is also broken, you're saying he deserves to be punished for doing what he thinks is right.

Wanting to change Heaven for the better is not a bad thing.

And some of y'all wanna see him suffer for going back into the lion's den that is Heaven, knowing that he is already an outcast, that they have already tried to kill him once, knowing that he is a deserter, that he has been lying to Heaven about a lot of things, and you still think he's blinded by Heaven? You think he's just so naive and that's the only reason he's going back. He doesn't show his emotions the same way Crowley does so it means he doesn't care as much. He's expected to consider Crowley's feelings over his own when making choices. Like holy shit if all of that hasn't defined my experience as a woman with religious trauma in this fucking society. He's expected to be subservient to Crowley and if he doesn't do what Crowley wants then he's being unreasonable and illogical.

What the actual fuck, y'all.

Like seriously.

I'm sick of this bullshit. I had to step away from this fandom because of how toxic some people in this fandom are. It's not chasing me away, but the fact that I chose to hang out in a a more toxic fandom that is already notorious for being really toxic over a fandom that claims to be more open-minded and welcoming should probably tell you something.

It gave me a lot of perspective, and yeah, I'm still gonna speak up against the bullshit Aziraphale hate.

People are entitled to their opinions, but the Aziraphale hate isn't an opinion. It's just ableist, misogynistic garbage. At this point we all know y'all say these extreme things about Aziraphale because y'all get more joy out of the harm and alienation it is causing others.

Keep being loudly wrong, but if you think I'm not entitled to challenge shitty-ass, harmful, hateful discourse, bite my ass.

I'm not the one who lost the plot in this fandom.

[chocosvt]

got in trouble for reading a book (a physical book - not smth off my phone) at work cuz it was slow 😭

[mymarifae]

like i just posted this on twitter. but i find it so interesting that all the stories about mnestia are that of reckless unbridled passion and a heart too big for their own good - harboring so much love that they quite literally died over it - and then aglaea inherits their coreflame and kills off much of the same passion and vitality she once burned with, too

she speaks as though it's the coreflame's fault that she's unable to feel the bulk of her own emotions and is even losing touch with many physical sensations, but really i think this is entirely self-inflicted. and it speaks to a devotion that only a demi/god of love is capable of

just, rather than devoting herself to her emotions and the individual(s) she loves as mnestia did, she's devoted herself to a cause. one that asks her to gather a group of exceptional individuals that in another life she could love and care for more openly and then she has to watch them die (and in the case of tribbie who she arguably has the closest bond with, she has to watch her die MULTIPLE times). and then she too has to die. for the sake of a future she'll never get to see and will never know for sure if it will even come to fruition but she has to trust that it WILL someday because this all HAS to mean SOMETHING, right? right?????

this is a responsibility that mnestia's heart would have never been able to bear. and neither would a younger aglaea's

she can no longer be a person with sentiments and dreams. she has to completely dissociate herself from life lest she get too attached to the idea of having her own and start to waver in her mission. her ideal self has to be a faceless tool and weapon, built to die again and again for amphoreus

but again this is born entirely out of a fierce love for all of humanity. she LOVES humans. she loves art and culture and she loves the way humans love each other and the way that, when at their best, they have an inclination to care for the lives of other creatures and she loves the world that amphoreus could be, if given the chance. only someone impossibly selfless and devoted could do this to themselves. idk the dichotomy and manifestation of devotion and love between her and mnestia is just really interesting. i adore her

[fortune-slip]

omg if this dude doesnt leave me the hell alone i'm going to hurt soomeone

[cemetary-shifts]

"i hate marc spector" okay? should we all clap? throw a party??? invite jeremy slater?????

[thecultureapothecary]

The Courage To Be Disliked, Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

[ssruis]

I still don’t think tsukasa is cool at school (and I never will.) but I do think it’s interesting that he’s actually friends with classmates who would be considered popular

(Source) He’s friendly with everyone & has zero issue with starting a conversation with strangers so it makes sense, even if I doubt that he hangs out with any of his classmates outside of school (too busy with the theatre grind). Rui also comments on how social he is in nene’s Peter Pan card story

(Tsukasa talking to nene) I don’t understand why you’re scared to talk to your classmates they’re just normal people there’s no reason to be anxious (nene is imagining hitting him). In my head everyone is just like this is our friend Tenma he’s weird as fuck & attached at the hip to the guy who sets off explosions on school property. but he’s chill.

[wayfinderships]

Oh boy! :D I can't wait to look through my f/os tag!

-1 HP

-1 HP

-1 HP

-1 HP

-1 HP

[deeply-winter]

remember when they told us that failure is not an option?

I’m learning now that failure is, in fact, an option. Sometimes it’s the best option, the option that allows you to move forward with your life, the option that stops you from being stuck.

[choices-binglebonkus]

What are some tropes you guys dislike in Choices?

I personally don’t enjoy the Chosen One trope where the MC is powerful and special for the sake of being powerful and special. Wasn’t super fond of it in Hero, but I think that’s just because we never got any further lore or clarification on the MC’s origins since the series ended abruptly.

Loathed it in The Elementalists, though.

[hergreensmagazine]

Perspective.

'That's what it means to live in your subjective world. There is no escape from your own subjectivity.' (From The courage to be Disliked)

If you don't like the world you live in. Change your perspective. Go within, look at your beliefs and the ideas you have accepted as your innermost truth. It's time for a clean up.