#cus science is so easy…. i think

[maiyz]

me in every class…

i have 4 snacks a day, one for each class. and on 3y (orch) i eat my lunch right before lunch

brought ice cream in my stanley to english

[astrobydalia]

Aquamarine. Gold. Lavender.Colors of summer... Astro Observations

work by astrobydalia

Your 9th house rules your gandchildren! 9th house is 5th from 5th so your kids' kids.

Also, if you are any of your parent's first kid look at their 11th house to get a glimpse at how they will perceive your fs. (11th house is 7th from 5th, so your first kid's spouse)

^^these are derivative astrology methods so you gotta use whole sign system

The scorpion actually represents the underdeveloped/young version of Scorpio while the developed version of Scorpio is represented by the eagle which to me is analogous to the phoenix. That's why you see an eagle representing Scorpio in the The World card (cause this card signifies fulfillment or completion in tarot)

I think the song 'Part of Me' by Katy Perry really illustrates developed Scorpio energy. Is not resentful or vengeful but rather transformative and empowering, you can't end their spirit just like you can't end a phoenix. Underdeveloped Scorpio energy allows pain, trauma and resentment to ultimately k!ll their soul which turns into self-destruction, think how scorpion's stinger actually points at them (and fun fact: scorpions can actually k!ll themselves when they feel cornered)

Being "different" or an "outcast" is not an Aquarius trait, it's a Leo trait. Leo is all about being yourself, being unique, the one and only and main character energy. Aquarius rules inclusivity, equality, social cohesion, FRIENDSHIP (aka people who get you) and public validation, that's why it is a strong fame indicator. Aquarius energy is relatable to others, its new and fresh, Leo it not relatable because it is unique, it shines among the crowd and burns just like the Sun. Aquarius can be unique too but the main difference is Leos feel ultimately they only have themselves while Aquarius will always have people.

Leos are meant to experience feeling "different" or outcasted because they need to learn to accept and express themselves no matter what, that's why it rules bravery and courage. They often either feel alone in their "greatness" or feel like nobody accepts their real self. Either way its more common for them than for Aquarius to experience loneliness and rejection just like the sun can't never have anything come too close to it

Aquarius does not rule uniqueness per se it rules innovation, authenticity and detachment from the ego. Aquarians that try hard to be different and separated from "most" people are underdeveloped because they're still attached to their ego and this is the n1 thing that kills their innovative potential. Aquarius doesn't do things to validate the self like Leo, it generates ideas on how humanity can better express itself and develop, that's why it rules over technology, science and activism and that's why they're known to be trend setters. Air signs are all about finding common ground, aquarians are not meant to be different from communities or groups but rather find new and authentic new ways to represent them (hence the inclusivity).

All the Gemini Venus I've met were very loyal in their relationships idk what you guys are talking about. They are the golden retriever person that is head over heals obsessed with their partner. It's not easy to get them to commit cus they need someone who has that perfect blend between goofy and mysterious, too much of either bores them quickly. They love in a playful and child-like way so I see how they can be flighty and non-commital sometimes but if they're genuinely intrigued by you oh boy they'll be ALL over you in every way pretty consistently

Harsh aspects (esp square) between Mercury-Mercury in synastry are a no-go when it comes to compatibility. The two people can get along well and like each other if the rest of the synastry supports it but they likely have NOTHING in common. Efforts to try and find shared interests or ideas might be misunderstood or feel forced because there's none 😭. Even if you do have shared ideas or interests, you will have vastly different ways of looking at them because the way in which you both think/communicate always clash so you never really see eye to eye. You can get away with having unharmonious connections between venus or mars in synastry but mercury? Nah.

When it comes to predictions specially, you need to have AT LEAST three indicators for an energy to stick. For example, having just one planet at 29º doesn't mean you're gonna be famous, you need to have at least three fame indicators to even consider fame in chart. Also, I can't stress this enough, you REALLY shouldn't need to dig too hard to find the indicators, they're usually evident and fit into the context of the chart, meaning there are no other things contradicting or neutralizing said energy.

Even though we often look at 7th house for marriage, you are most likely to consider marrying and settling down with people who have their placements in your 4th house and/or 10th house, or you just see them as marriage potential in general. 4th house creates a sense of home, security and familiarity while 10th house synastry points to shared goals, seeing a future together, etc. That's how you'll feel tho, to see if that would happen you gotta check composite chart

If you have fire in your big 3 I just know you love being unhinged and a little wild once you get comfortable

Natives with Venus-Chiron aspects tend to have... questionable taste in lovers or get in relationships that are not so promising (forbidden love, etc). Their love life is always a struggle, they feel like they can't find someone that truly loves them and when they do it's always "complicated". With hard aspects they tend to date people who blatantly suck (abusers, psychos, players, etc). With easy aspects this can happen too but I've noticed they are more prone to attracting people who are alright however deep down are very troubled and/or unavailable individuals so the native tends to be the one to heal or sooth their lover.

Scorpio Mars can have sadistic tendencies... It obviously does NOT have to go that far for everyone, in fact most of them are pretty tame but this placement really gets off on the reactions of others I've noticed. Their n1 superpower is catching you off guard and poking at you psychologically. They know exactly what strings to pull and are very aware of how anything they do or say can trigger and affect others. This can manifest as smart and punchy humor, teasing... or really toxic behaviors. Oh and you do NOT wanna see them genuinely angry 😶 If you have this placement im gonna kindly ask you to please use your powers for good 😭💀

Females with Libra placements could have experienced being 'the other woman' I've seen this a lotttt. Either that or they constantly attract situatioships. They have a tendency to not be taken seriously by the opposite sex, only being seen as a trophy or a pretty face kinda vibe. Unless they also have Cancer energy

Which is interesting to see cause even though Libra rules marriage, the kind of women who are mostly perceived as marriage material by men are Cancer placements not Libra. If you think about it, it makes sense tho cause cancer rules family and motherhood

Water venus people have a very approachable and understanding aura. Very diplomatic and tactful, they'll effortlessly make you feel comfortable around them. Equally accepting of others both in public and in privet, but you'll automatically lose them if you make them feel invaded

Fire venus motto is "it's impossible to impress me.... but let's see you try😏". They purposefully market themselves as hard to get cause they want to see what you got. Will constantly crave interactions with some fun and friction

Earth venus are a lot more harsh, they haven't even talked to you yet but somehow have already decided you didn't make the cut 🥱 Silent observers, they'll have a mental spread sheet of what they like and don't like about you

With air venus you don't want to come off too strong otherwise you'll activate their fight or flight response 🏃‍♀️ You'll never know where you stand with them but if you wanna get closer you need to keep it playful and give them space

Virgo Sun/Mars/ASC like to help others but they do it in such way that is also indirectly self-serving to themselves. Virgos are sidereal Leos, they secretly want recognition for their modesty and want their actions and efforts to ultimately shine back on them

Underdeveloped Pisces Moons are selfish and out of touch. I’ve noticed this placement is painted in a way too innocent light but they can have a nasty shadow too. They will not accept anything that does not conform to their delusional expectations about life and when things don't go their way they’ll isolate in melancholy and victimize themselves using the ‘misunderstood’ card. They can have a really twisted perception of reality, confusing the lines between right and wrong to accommodate their own narrative. Think Thanos from MCU, that character is a perfect example of underdeveloped Pisces Moon fr!! They tend to be very aloof and weaponize their empathy to appear innocent . Can use the “I can understand the world but the world doesn’t understand me” mentality to justify everything they do without ever feeling bad about it.

Another Return that brings a lot of karmic lessons aside from Saturn Return is your North Node return which happens every 18 years (Ages 18, 36, 54, etc)

Gemini risings have a fabricated or fragmented personality. They're often attracted to things like astrology, personality stuff, psychology, etc because it helps them make sense of themselves through abstract concepts. They also tent to define themselves through imitation or comparison like "I do that too", etc. It's very easy for them to convince themselves they're something they're not (gemini rules lies and deception), that's why they're often good actors (Pisces 10th house). They come across as very air-headed cause who they present themselves to be is based on who they THINK and SAY they are vs. how that translates in reality

Based on my life experience and also the responses in astro/observation posts, I've observed Scorpio placements respond relatively well to criticism. Not saying they don't care, but they can handle being villainized quite well because when developed they can have a really healthy acceptance of their shadow side and toxic traits. They also don't mind being misunderstood cause that means people can't pry on their business

CANCER, Libra, Leo and Virgo placements on the other hand are the most sensitive to criticism.... They can't handle not being seen as "the good one" all the time

Most Pisces suns I've met gave off huge xNTJ vibes for some reason like very deep thinkers, silent, sarcastic with a low-key threatening and unapproachable aura. Also VERY elusive and protective their personal stuff, they embodied the "mysterious" Scorpio stereotype fr.

However Pisces sun+pisces venus combo gives much softer vibe, more quiet and doormat-like, you'd think they're high 24/7.

The other bunch of Pisces suns Ive met had a very bubbly and dramatic personality. Can be emotional in a really performative way

Libra Mars people are SMOOOOOTH. Not only with their words but also their mannerisms, how they move and do things in general. You'll never see them triggered or stressed, they make everything look so effortless

The Pluto in Scorpio generation (millennials mostly) were the ones who started this mental health awareness wave. All this concern with anxiety, depression, mental and personality disorders was started by them. They’re the ones who started putting focus on the deeper effects of the dark psychology (Scorpio).

All the people that have scared me and traumatized me deeply for life had planets in my 12th house with no 8th house synastry in sight whatsoever…

>>> In my experience 8th house synastry is only intense in the moment but eventually you get over it fast once you stop entertaining the person/situation. It might be hard to let it go tho cause the connection is intense and this person will leave a lasting impression, but once it’s done that person is forever dead to you. 12th house synastry on the other hand is giving "I fight with you in my sleep", 12th house feels harmless at first but it deals with themes of sorrow and shame. It lingers and haunts you fr. Let’s remember that Saturn, the planet of permanece and lessons, finds its joy in the 12th house…

8th house venus/juno is NOT a sugar baby indicator imo. As per my observation, it is actually the 8th house native that ends up making a lot of money and their spouse/partner benefits from the native's income and success. I swear every person I've seen with these placements had "we could hang out in my yacht if you want😉" as their main flirting technique LMAO. Their own power (8th house) is their main source of seduction and attraction (Venus/Juno)

I believe 2nd house Venus/Juno is more indicative of sugar baby energy. They want that spoiled good life with little effort even if that means being financially dependent on someone else or using family's money

In contrast I've noticed 8th house placements are not really like that, they have a HEAVY entrepreneurial spirit. Super ambitious individuals

With that being said, be careful if your have natal 8th house placements (specially Venus, Moon, Juno, 7th house ruler), cause the people you bond with WILL benefit from YOUR income and success. That's why these natives are prone to experiencing betrayal, cause if you surround yourself with the wrong people they'll take what they want from you or cause chaos in your life and then leave, so use your intuition!!

With 2nd house energy you are good at keeping your resources and income safe, but this means they can lose value if you don't use or invest them eventually just like food goes bad if it just sits in the fridge. With 8th house energy you are prone to loss, debt, loans and other financial risks where you either lose it all or gain lots and lots of money, the all or nothing nature of plutonic energy.

I bet any virgo placement can relate to being a little bit of mess but something I’ve seen in particular with Virgo risings is they are surprisingly sloppy?? You really wouldn't in a million years think so given how they always end up presenting good results but once you know them deeply you notice they often miss out on important details in the process or get so caught up with short-term things that they miss the big picture. Either way, they often look like they got it all together but they constantly improvise a lot more that what it looks like in the surface

Aquarius Mars is a placement I've seen A LOT in celebrities, specially well-liked ones. They attract people to them just by existing, they don't even have to try too hard

I’ve noticed a lot of critically acclaimed actors have air moons

Sagittarius Part of Fortune have a vibrant and fun spirit, you can’t never kill their vibes but they can tend to be immature. It’s like they’re completely oblivious to anything serious 

Libras are people pleasers due to a hidden inferiority complex (sidereal virgo)

work by astrobydalia

[cursed-40k-thoughts]

Is there any explanation of how astromancy works cus the best I can think of is they're absorbing cosmic radiation or smth

I get that 40K is more space fantasy than anything else but usually there's at least "warp bullshit", curious if they've elaborated on how astromancy works for a race that can't do magic

Assuming you're referring to the subset of chronomancy used by crypteks to glean (potential) futures, then the answer is the same as with all cryptek disciplines; non-theoretical use of theoretical physics and quantum mechanics to manipulate the physical universe.

We know through Orikan that astromancy seems to involve interaction with time travel, and time travel is in of itself a fairly commonly-explored theoretical science/mathematics subject in the real world. Do we know specifically what they're doing? No. But it's pretty easy to look at something like closed timelike curves and extrapolate that a suitably trained cryptek could use them to get a wobbly glimpse at specific closed loops of spacetime.

And the wobbliness is important, by the way; even Orikan, who is a prodigy of astromancy, isn't able to do things with total accuracy. It's a tricky discipline. The warp also interferes with astromancy, due to it being an entirely non-physical presence that breaks down the laws of reality.

So, yeah. In my opinion, at least as valid as "warp bullshit". Probably more so, since you have more room to dig into and wonder at the way crypteks do things, whereas the answer to the whys and wherefores "warp stuff" will always be "warp stuff".

[ninjagobythenumbers]

Bechdel Testing Ninjago

So, a little while ago I did the Bechdel test on Ninjago because I've always seen the show as sort of an interesting case study in how women are portrayed in cartoons. Of course, I'm aware the Bechdel test originated as a joke and something passing the Bechdel test doesn't make it feminist/not. Rather, or for me at least, it's an indication of how deficient female representation can be at an aggregate scale. As a way to analyze Ninjago, I feel it works as it shows how female representation over the course of the show. If you're interested I'll now discuss my thoughts on how the analysis went season by season. DISCLAIMER: I did this for fun.

The pilot was easy. Nya's the only one, so test failed across the board. The first episode that passed the test was when Jay's parents came to visit. Yay Edna! Mystake does show up in episode 7 but, I don't count it as she has not yet been named. 12&13 had a kid's mom in a bus which I decided was enough cus hey, Mom's a name she uses.

Here's where we really get going. Patty Keys, their real estate agent continues to show up through seabound as a background character, which is pretty cool imo. Episode 5, Mystake finally gets named. Episode 6 was huge for my chart as it's the introduction of Misako. You'd think episode 7 is when her and Nya talked but that's actually when Nya and Gayle had a lil convo. From then on I spent the episodes just staring at the Nya and Misako thinking "talk to her talk to her talk to her." Fortunately, when they did speak, Nya and Misako would be discuss like science, maps, and fate of the world so I never ran into a problem with rule 3. That is, until Rebooted.

The good news is Pixal's here so it'll be years before we fail rule 1 again. The bad news is we've got a love triangle so goodbye rule 3. Nya actually talked to her student, Sally, and Pixal quite often but it was so often about Jay or Cole so I would just be scouring the episode for a single exchange where they talked about anything else. During the Tournament, Nya, Pixal, Skylor, and Misako were all in different groupings and it was rare that Tox or Camille would say something so no rule 2/3 successes until late season.

The good news is, the love triangle is over so we're back to rule 2 usually meaning rule 3. The bad news is, Pixal's in Zane's head so we're back to hoping Misako and Nya say something to eachother. Nya usually shared her scenes with Wu, Ronin, and Jay during these seasons so chances were few and far between. However, unlike the first few seasons where the default was male, we're now getting some female henchmen (Bansha and Dogshank) so that made things easier.

Thank you for being in Day of the Departed Edna Walker. Early Hands of Time was tough because Nya, Misako, and Commander Macchia were rarely in the same scenes. In the latter half of the season though, we thankfully see the return of Pixal. Maya also helped us with some wins.

What a breath of fresh air. Thanks to Harumi & Ultraviolet's introduction, Pixal's return, Mystake's upgrade to a reoccuring character, and Nya & Misako's continued support, failing even rule 3 is pretty rare during the Oni Trilogy. We run into some complications during Hunted because though we have Skylor and the aforementioned characters in Ninjago and Faith & Jet Jack in the First Realm, sometimes people don't talk to eachother. And that's ok. Overall, smooth sailing.

Ah??!? What happened. Worry not. I realized this was, in part, because the Oni Trilogy had 20 minutes worth of chances for women to speak to eachother, these were only 10 minute episodes. So, for the sake of comparable units of analysis, I considered each pair of episodes to be 1 episode. I'll show both charts until DR.

It looks a little better, but it's still not at Oni Trilogy levels. Still, I'd be curious to see what the test would look like if I dissected the earlier episodes into 10 minute chunks because it's probably not a great sign if 10 v 20 minutes makes such a big difference. Ok, proceeding. The Fire Chapter was usually pretty successful because Pixal, Aspheera, or Nya would usually end up talking at one point or another. Gayle even helped at one point. The Ice chapter usually achieved successes through Nya talking to Sorla. In one episode, I counted the Preminent's roars as conversation with Pixal. The Ice Chapter had quite a few failures largely because, as in previous seasons, all the women were split up.

Despite the fact that Nya was one of the longest lived ninja, Prime Empire has total failures at levels not seen since before season 2. This is largely because for the most part, Pixal and Nya are never in the same episode. Racer 7 helps but she was only there for a bit. I should point out that I feel like the 10 minute era is really when Pixal starts feeling like part of the team to me. She's always part of homebase meetings and always plays a key part in missions. Alas, if she's not in episodes with Nya, that's not going to show up on my chart. It's a reminder of the fact this test doesn't show substance.

Master of the Mountain is similar to the other seasons of its era. The fact the 10 minute era tended to show its plots episode by episode (ex: Ep 3 = Plot A, Ep 4 = Plot B, Ep 5 = Plot C) rather than all in one really takes a toll on the test. For the most part, Nya and Vania were our only chances for success and it was rare they'd share an episode. We also had the rare rule 3 failure with the Queen of the Munce episode. Thanks Jay. The Island only had Nya until they found Misako, so it was struggling even more.

It feels right to see all green when it's a Nya season. In the beginning of Seabound, they put Nya, Pixal, and Maya on a boat together and by jove it made things easy. Late season was a bit trickier because Nya was on her own journey. Crystalized had Skylor, Pixal and some ressurected villains saving the day. Late Crystalized is the way it is because it had so, so many different groupings. I have a chart based on groupings and this season was such a challenge.

I really felt the difference with Dragons Rising. I mean, you can see the difference, but it was even more clear when doing my data collection because it was just so easy. Rather than grabbing at scraps of dialogue like I had to do in early seasons, there was often a wealth of more meaningful conversation between female characters to choose from. As with the Oni Trilogy, a female villain with a female henchman makes things easy because they scheme together. We also had Nya and Sora on a joint quest. Funnily enough, there is a rare rule 3 failure because Sora and Kreel only talked about Kreel's friend in one episode. Episode 17 had the classic split up issue and actually would've failed entirely if not for Agent Underwood, which is actually a great example of my next point. You can really tell how male is no longer the default because not only is there the introduction of all the fantastic new female main characters, but also there's plenty of random female characters scattered throughout. I haven't seen DRS2P2 yet but I expect it'll be more of the same. I should mention I also made a chart with the reverse (two named men in an episode who talk about eachother about something besides a woman). Only three episodes fail in any capacity. (Say thank you to the Akita, Pixal, and Harumi solo episodes). If you read this whole thing, thank you. I had a lot of fun doing it. Let me know if there's any other charts I can do!

[catacombbee]

school bus graveyard headcanons because im thinking about them

and because im projecting

just general / random headcanons

Tyler has arachnophobia and entomophobia. creepy crawlies are a HARD NO for Mr. Hernandez. Jackass bullies? No problem. Phantoms trying to eat him? Easy. Tree? Been there, done that. Fucking spiders? get it the FUCK away. mans has a visceral skin crawling reaction to even SEEING something creepy crawlie. it's one of the only things that makes him seriously panic other than yk someone being hurt

Ashlyn has autism yes this is basically canon i think. BUT Ashlyn has a lot of texture sensitivities both with clothes and with food. itchy scratchy clothes are a no. she cannot stand t-shirts keeping their tags they rub and scratch her neck and it makes her want to scream. she cuts the tags out before wearing anything. and food she can't have anything too squishy or tough or else she just loses her appetite entirely.

^^ to build on the clothing tags. everyone else in the group cuts the tags out of their jackets/hoodies and some shirts so if Ashlyn wants to borrow something she can be comfortable

Aiden is down bad for someone wearing his clothes. this can apply to any ship you want, i like him with Ashlyn Tyler or Logan (ive like never seen any talk abt Aidgan? Loden?) but regardless. whoever it is Aiden likes he gets so giddy butterflies giggly seeing someone wear his clothes. this is moreso for Ashlyn or maybe Logan because Ashlyn is so much smaller than Aiden that his sweatshirt would probably hang off her and Aiden would just abdjshfkefbns she's so cute!! this is mostly an Aidlyn hc for me but Logan would also be cute in anyone else's sweatshirt

uh if it's not clear by now im a multishipper ive said it before BUT i like Tyben a lot. they find calm and quiet in each other and bond through expressing themselves through something much healthier: music. i adore Tyben. AND because of Ben in the canvas webtoon: Tyler calls him ladybug. "Hey ladybug" "It's okay ladybug ive got you" "ladybug, you okay?"

kinda related to previous one but like blush hc. Ben does not blush. maybe a little pink on his cheeks. but his EARS. his ears get so RED when he's angry or when he's flustered. his face might be 😐 but you look at his ears and they're red you know he's flustered

ALSO everyone learned ASL for Ben so he didn't have to just use notes n stuff. Aiden was already learning but everyone else picked up on it

Logan likes compact spaces, they male him feel safe and secure. Like the tire! He feels very nice and snuggly in his tire. But also like. under beds. in closets (haha). one time they played hide and seek in Aiden's house and Logan won because he fell asleep curled up in an empty cabinet. Logan loves being little spoon because he just fits snugly in everyone's arms

it's been mentioned Tyler plays guitar, but i hc that he's also a really good artist. because he got into baseball for a scholarship he's kinda dropped both art and music, but in getting to know the others and especially Ben he gets back into playing music which leads to him drawing again. he doodles pictures of his friends and they realize what a good artist he is. that's how he realizes he actually has passion for creativity and decides he wants to be a tattoo artist.

(i was writing a tyden tattoo artist Tyler au on a reblog draft from a post @\the-killies made and like forgot abt it. someone peer pressure me if you think that sounds like snth you wanna read. it was probably over 1k words by the time i forgor)

Taylor likes mechanics (cus. the club) but she also knows some programming. this is solely because I think Taylor would like making little robots just for fun. Aiden would beg her to make him a little robot like that one companion toy robot Cosmo

in canvas sbg Logan brought a bunch of clothes for them to wear in the pictures/videos they took. so. Logan likes cosplay and renn faires. History is one of his favorite subjects (the other being science. english/literature is a very close third. he doesn't dislike math just isn't his favorite) so he has a lot of clothes from different time periods because of the renn faires he's been to.

This is a really unhinged headcanon and isn't something ive ever thought about before but thinking about Logan having outfits and stuff made me think who would be the most likely to be a furry. and no not Logan. it would be Aiden. hes rich enough to splurge on his fursuit. THIS IS A JOKE I DONT HC HIM AS A FURRY THIS IS A "WHOS MOST LIKELY TO" PLEAS

Aiden's favorite subject is history, he likes reading about wars but he also enjoys learning about other cultures and differences from how we live in modern day America. Aiden would probably study anthropology just for the fun of it. he and Logan bond over their love of history. Aiden can't remember what he had for lunch yesterday but he can tell you every little detail he knows about the Civil War start to finish, dates and names and locations and all.

this is a really weird hc but. Ashlyn is an amazing rapper. there was a karaoke night and one song someone did had a rap part coming up and they were like ahaha it's too fast for me and Ashlyn just stood up. took the mic. and fucking blew everyone's minds. and then she sat down like she didnt just rock their world

this last bit is self indulgent. assuming the phantom world things don't last forever, the kids get therapy eventually :D

^^ building on that, Ben specifically, he lives in my head rent free. i love him sm. Ben gets therapy for not just the phantom world things but everything beforehand. slowly and surely, starting with Aiden and Lily and maybe whichever person he's shipped with, he starts talking again. Some days are better than others, sometimes he gets quiet again, other times he goes for days talking as much as anyone (except aiden he yaps.) everyone almost cries when Ben is doing something and begins singing to himself because they realize he's better

im gonna do like gender & sexuality headcanons too,,, maybe later. might do silly ship hcs too cus i ship so many pairings here

[wardofthecross]

Hey father. Just wanted to preface this, y'know, just sayin' like, y'know, hear me out and all. I know ye will, cus- cus yer a priest with'cher, like- it, j-just hear me out, right? Lets say, hypothetically, like we're talkin' hypotheticals here, cus- cus I'm a science man, right? I like my hypotheticals. So, so in theories, like not in real lifes cus I'm- I-I ain't like that, is it gay to like men? Like- I know what that sounds like, right, but- but I ain't gay, and I'm likin' men. Like- hypothetically, I mean, aye.

I don't wear dresses more than 6 days a week, I only crack out the feckin' makeup when it's a party, and I donnae say 'slay' or any soddin' stuff aboot 'eatin' crumbs' or nothin'. So I ain't gay even if I like men then, right?

I hope yer well, father, hope God's treating you alright, and the whole, er, the whole priesty thingamajig.

Amen.

My child,

I will be truthful, I have read your message more than once. Not because I didn’t understand it, but because I could feel what was beneath your words…the uncertainty, the humor used to mask the fear that even asking such a question may bring some kind of judgment.

You’re not alone in this. Not by a long shot.

I shall tell you something that I have not told many, maybe not anyone in this way. I, too, have looked in the mirror and asked, "What does it mean that I feel this way? Can I love God and still be…like this?"

I’m a priest. A man of faith. I wear the collar, speak the rites, and offer absolution. And I am bisexual.

That’s not easy to say. It’s not easy to carry.

For years, I tried to push it down, call it temptation, treated it as if it were something to pray into silence. But the truth is, it never left. Because it wasn’t evil, it was a part of me. A part God had made.

I’ve loved men. Quietly. Sometimes painfully. And I’ve loved women, too. None of it made me any less faithful…though I used to think it did.

The Church hasn’t always known how to hold people like us. And when it doesn’t understand, it fears. When it fears, it harms. I won’t pretend that hasn’t scarred and scared me over the years. But I have also come to believe, in the deepest places of my soul, that God is bigger than our shame.

He doesn’t measure your worth by how well you fit a mold someone else carved out centuries ago. He sees your heart, even when you’re stumbling through all your…’hypotheticals’. He sees you. All of you. And He calls it good.

You don’t need to rush to define yourself. You don’t need to fit into labels that feel too tight or too vague. Just… be honest with yourself. Start there.

And listen, liking men doesn’t take anything from you. It doesn’t cancel out your masculinity or your faith. If anything, it deepens them, because it means you’re capable of loving truthfully.

I am still learning what it means to be both of these things, a priest and someone who loves beyond the lines that people expect. But I believe…no, I know, that God walks with us no matter who we choose to love.

You are not broken. You are not alone.

And if ever you want to talk, not about these hypotheticals of yours, but about the truth of who you are…I’ll be here. Not as a priest with answers, but as a man who understands.

May the Lord, who sees us fully, love us wholly, and forgive us endlessly, remain with you.

—Father Ward

[aajjks]

Hey Alina. I need some advice please.

I need to choose which degree to study at university. I've been offered a space for a few different degrees at a few different institutions. Most of them only need me to let them know by January, but one of the universities wants me to decide this weekend to accept one application and decline one.

I'm a very creative person who loves many forms of art, although I am very capable in maths and science too. My parents say that I'm an expensive pet to keep because I like living a relatively lavish lifestyle, so they recommended that I get a degree and a job that pays enough for me keep up with the type of lifestyle that I'm used to.

The one degree that I applied for is artistic so I think I would enjoy it and absolutely love what I'd do. The other degree is science related in a field that I currently don't know much about, but it seems slightly interesting. I've been told that it's really difficult to get a scholarship in art and it's also really difficult to find a job in art. It also apparently doesn't pay very well. It's a lot easier to get a scholarship to study science, it's easier to get a research job and it typically pays a lot better than art.

I'm in a bit of a pickle, because I really don't know which offer to accept and which to decline. On the one hand, I'd love to be able to utterly enjoy what I do everyday, but I don't want to have to worry about financial struggles. I could probably get used to a simpler lifestyle with less worldly things. It doesn't sound too bad because I'm not that materialistic, but I would prefer not having to worry about just getting by day to day. On the other hand, I don't know too much about the science-related degree, but it seems interesting, so it shouldn't be so bad. It will pay well and I might still be able to do art on the side as a hobby if I have time, but I'm hesitant to get myself into something that I don't fully understand yet. The science thing is currently out of my depth, but I'm sure I could learn more about it, so it won't seem so daunting.

What do you think? Art degree that I love, but with few jobs and little pay? Or science degree that I might not like as much, but I'll be able to have a better lifestyle financial wise?

I have applied for about 20 other things too, but I'll make my decisions about those in January. For now, I just need to narrow these two down. I might end up having to just do art on the side so I can actually earn a living, but who knows?

In an ideal world, I'd study art and do it to my heart's content and just get a rich hubby 😌😜. Unfortunately I don't see that happening any time soon. I need TPOL!Jungkook in my life 🥲

Hi and thank you so much for asking for my advice. It means a lot

Also, I took my time to think about this because yes, it is not an easy decision to make about what major you’re gonna have in University.

I honestly think that you should pursue the science degree.

I know you are really passionate about art and it’s your best subject and I know we should always do the things we are passionate about but I think that we also need to build a stable future so I think you could do that with the science major and yes, it is also very nice to Gain knowledge about something you are not really familiar with. And art is a really great subject but like you said it doesn’t really pay much and we don’t want to worry about you know financial issues.

If I were you, I would have chosen the science major. Because you can pursue art at any time in your life art never goes away honestly.

but just my opinion cus I’m a very optimistic person. 🩷 and yeah it would be great to have a rich husband who will love you very much *sigh*

[adisneypartofme]

CUS' YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'VE LOCK THE DOOR HEAVEN!

Let's see our compatibility.

I searched about it last week and was really impressed. To think about you are the first one that my horoscope aggress.

"Sagittarius and Leo compatibility work amazingly and effortlessly perfectly. Both of them are fire signs and understand each other's necessity for sex and freedom. The two zodiac signs share the same energy and passion for life throughout. They are extroverted in nature and respect each other's differences of opinion." Site N1

Passion for life baby, i couldn't agree more!!

"Sagittarius and Leo are a perfect powerful couple of science. When two people of these sun signs come together, they inevitably fall in love. As a sign of fire sign, Leo is self-centered, you feel to get attention but he is what Sagittarius partner can provide in abundance." Site N2

THEY INEVITABLY FALL IN LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAAAAAN

"Is Sagittarius soulmate with Leo?

Overall, this pairing has a lot of promise! Leo and Sagittarius couples excel when it comes to sexual, romantic, and emotional compatibility. They have an innate understanding of one another because they're both fire signs, and it's easy for them to grow their initial attraction into a long and prosperous relationship." SITE N3

An innate understanding of one another... that's SO TRUE

"Why are Sagittarius so attracted to Leo?

Sagittarius is attracted to Leo's strength and natural leadership skills, while Leo appreciates Sagittarius's optimism and energy. Both signs are expressive and spontaneous" Site N4

now i'm think maybe the fault is the sign HAHAHAHHA

[zodismegalame]

15 questions 15 mutuals

got tagged by @pensiveabstraction so ya

were you named after anyone? nope. originally my dad wanted to name me Bruno after his grandfather but my mom found a name that she liked and my dad agreed to it!

when was the last time you cried? fuck, good question. tw // suicide: might've been talking about a friend who committed suicide with the therapy group we shared which happened i'd say around a month or so ago.

do you have kids? nah

do you use sarcasm a lot? kinda. more irony than sarcasm if anything.

what's the first thing you notice about people? i can tell if i'm gonna enjoy a person's presence pretty quickly.

what's your eye color? green, although it can be more grey (or brighter) depending on the weather and lighting, apparently.

scary movies or happy endings? i like both. i enjoy bittersweet endings a shitton also, those that are more open or perhaps melancholic while not being outright "bad". sometimes a really good bad ending can be great though (Little Shop of Horrors, for example).

any special talents? i like to think im good at making music, and i do play 4 instruments (at one point i played the trumpet also but i've since forgotten). i'm also pretty flexible and can put both my feet behind my head like a pretzel. also i'm a pretty fast learning.

where were you born? the capital city of buenos aires. i dont remember the hospital's name.

what are your hobbies? listening to and making music, writing and reading, informing myself about other cultures, political stuff, learning about history, drawing (not very well, but still), graphic design, photography, film and occasionally web development.

have any pets? i have a cat who is a demonic goblin and i had a dog who is an absolute angel sent down from the heavens. the dog's still alive but she lives with my grandma now.

what sports do you play/have you played? i played football (or soccer for you filthy americans), went to swimming classes, dipped my toes into volley and i've always wanted to play tennis.

how tall are you? i think around 171 or 172cm. you do the math for imperial units.

favorite subject in school? history, political science, compsci and math occasionally. history because i like informing myself of past events cus it interests me, political science because i like politics and my political science teacher was a marxist so we vibed hard, compsci cause it was easy and we learned some programming by the end and math sometimes cus i like puzzle solving (certain parts were annoying tho).

dream job? making a living out of music, not through some big label tho. just having my own label (or being signed to an independent one), making a modest amount of money, saving up some cash to build a small studio with analog equipment and maybe owning a record shop to promote stuff i like and having a 2nd hand records system that is pretty rare where i live. helping artists i like get promoted here and conversing with labels overseas to help spread the word of music i enjoy outside of my home turf and being able to import artists i like to help them build an audience here as well.

anyways tagging @lukewarmorangejulius cus i don't have any other moots LOL

[purgatoryandme]

Ignoring the fact that this would 100% end in fire and brimstone, the idea just compels me, y'know? Especially because BingQiu have canonically terrible sex and SQQ is physically incapable of admitting that Binghe is bad at anything or communicating his feelings. At first he thinks it's better with LQG because of the aphrodisiacs. Then he thinks it's better because he's been on top - being on the bottom must hurt, naturally! But LQG seems to really enjoy it... He gets a little braver and more explorational, bottoms, and has his mind blown. Why is it good??? Is it because LQG is more familiar with swords? So he's also good with his "sword"???? He's stuck ruminating about it for days, which hilariously convince LQG that he didn't do a good job as a top and that he needs to improve. So when SQQ decides to test out bottoming again (for science!), he's even more horrified because it's BETTER? Liu juju this is unfair!!!!!!!!!! To his eternal embarrassment, he has no one to turn to but SQH. When he asks him if bottoming for MBJ is good, SQH says it is and goes on a tangent about the pain and the domination and the general demon-vibes of it all. SQQ is like "ah. we are. not into the same things. hm. never accounted for the idea that i may have preferences. this is something i will immediately suppress."

He bottoms for LBH. It hurts and Binghe cries about it. He's into (1) of those things. He may have always been into only (1) of those things. He is, to his horror, making an internal list of stuff he LIKES...sexually. SQQ has such a NEED to be normal (when he is objectively not) that he's like: there is no other option, I must ask the other peak lords what they think about having their chrysanthemum totaled.

MQF is an easy ask. He can totally pose this question in the context of dual cultivation and how demonic energy might effect it. He can be so smooth about it nobody will ever guess that his ass hurts.

He is not smooth. When MQF starts talking about the importance of communication, especially in """scenes"""", he starts sweating so much that he has to leave or be forcibly institutionalized.

YQY is an...interesting ask. He won't deny SQQ anything, but the question clearly physically pains him. Still, mouth twitching between a smile and grimace, he tells SQQ that dual cultivation is best practiced the way the person likes best, and that there is no 'right' and 'wrong' way beyond the Qi sharing. When SQQ, teeth gritted, asks him if most people prefer pain, YQY's eye twitches subtly. He's all: "Most people...do not." in a way that so clearly screams that he DOES that SQQ needs to flee immediately and also never look him in the eye again. The Peak Lords are all trembling Ms???????????? Is this what high cultivation does to you???????????????????????????

He's halfway through asking QQQ before it finally dawns on him that she's a woman. He tried to flee, but Liu Mingyan of all people starts ENTHUSIASTICALLY answering. He replies sound a little non-con and terrifyingly specific. He's scared.

If he had to guess, SQQ is pretty sure the rest of the peak lords have never gotten laid a day in their life. They were serving up "eternal virgin, my cultivation path is based in purity" vibes. Which meant...there was only LQG left to ask.

So he just...puts it off. Until oops, wife-plotted again. And when he's on top, looking at the way the LQG's eyelashes tremble and his body arches, he winds up blurting: "What do you like, when we're like this?"

And listen. LQG is so in love with him and so entrapped by the idea that he'll only ever get to have SQQ's body when it's strictly necessary. He's also severely compromised at the moment. He can't help but be incredibly embarrassing.

He likes when SQQ praises him! He likes when SQQ presses down on him, slow and sweet, and he likes it when they kiss even though the poison doesn't require it! He's destroyed every time SQQ brushes his lips or fingers over his tear mole, through the baby hairs that curl onto his forehead, or over his trembling eyelashes! He likes the way SQQ opens him up, teasing and tender and mean, and he likes it when they do it somewhere safe and comfortable and thoughtful! Being laid out on SQQ's robes is the best, especially when it's because SQQ thinks the bedsheets aren't good enough quality to touch LQG's skin!!

It's the answer SQQ has been looking for, but he isn't prepared to face it head on, let alone when it tips them both over the edge. Especially when he can't help but start round two by kissing that adorable little mole, when it makes LQG's eyes go glassy and his toes curl-

Somehow his backwards and upside down logic comes around to an almost correct answer. Clearly, the reason it's better with LQG is because LQG is so sensual and MEANT for this.

Still surprised at how few LiuShen affair drama fics exist post BingQiu marriage without it being a 3p setup. Firstly, aphrodisiacs are everywhere in PIDW! The solution to 99% of problems in papapa! Second, SQQ has a long established history of being too curious for his own good and LQG has a history of travelling with him, despite LBH's jealousy. Third, SQQ's inner narration about LQG never shuts up about how pretty he is AND you know SQQ is perfectly capable of doing some truly wild mental gymnastics to justify not only starting an affair, but also keeping it a secret. Just imagine five years down the line, SQQ is casually just like "ah yes, me and Liu-shidi have an agreement whenever we are poisoned" because he's lied to himself so hard he not only believes that this is normal but also that everyone knows.

[purpleglitterlamp]

Rory Gilmore who?

I am the best student in this world. Teachers literally worship the fuck out of me. Learning things is so easy for me I don't even need to listen because I know everything. My notes are literally mouth watering to look at. I ace all my tests in fact every time a teacher looks at my answer sheet they start to cry tears of satisfaction thinking this is the best goddamn student ever. I have the best grades ever I dont score below A+. The word failure doesn't exist in my reality heck i have never even scored a B cus a B is for basic bitches and I am an A+ scoring girlboss. I understand foreign concepts with ease and I am able to retain them in my head life long. I have superhuman intelligence. No matter which table I sit at I still remain the most intellectual. I handle challenges easily I never stress out because of studying because I fucking love to study its literally insane how easy and fun it is for me to study. I finish all my assignments on time and do extra study work, in the leftover time I girlboss as I should. I have knowledge on every subject let it be math, science, philosophy, accounts, business, physics, general knowledge everything literally everything I know everything. I read books on diverse topics to increase my knowledge and vocabulary not that I need to read them since I know absolutely everything. I finish my work and study in time without any distractions. I have my priorities set. I am beauty and brains. I don't even need to attend school I literally have perfect attendance. I have the perfect gpa, talents and skill set to get in the best colleges, institutes, schools and university. My resume and extracurriculars are perfect too just like I am.

(all pictures are from pinterest)

With love,

Purple♡

[hermannsthumb]

"different young (rebound) hunk on his arm every week…newton geiszler who?" CAN YOU WRITE THIS FIC PLEASE? Hermann as the new heartthrob of the science world, cheekbones that can cut glass, baby gay scientists everywhere using appalling math-related pick-up lines in an attempt to be the booty call of the week. Newton catches a glimpse of him at a fundraiser and the Precursors have to stop him from crying with lust.

so tragically I plotted a whole fic for this and then came back and realized this prompt involves PRU but I liked my idea too much so unfortunately I won’t be filling the PRU part 😔 but I DO love heartthrob hermann sooooooooo. this can be pre-PRU if you want to make it sad actually CW for drinking and mild allusion to not sfw stuff. when will these boys talk about their feelings?

-------------------------------------------

Hermann doesn’t like going out to bars at the best of times, least of all after he’s had the sort of exceptionally long day he’s had today (fighting his way through airports and hotel lobbies, fielding interview questions, having not even a minute’s break from Newton), but even he will admit that the one Newton has dragged him along to tonight could be far worse. The sorts of bars Newton fancied throughout their stint at the Hong Kong Shatterdome tended to be far hipper, far more becoming for a man of his (and, admittedly, Hermann’s) age, and likely aimed at tourists: pounding music, dark rooms, neon lighting, overpriced drinks, an inability to navigate through throngs of dancing bodies without bumping into at least half a dozen people. For that reason Hermann’s blood practically ran cold earlier that evening when, fresh out of their latest television interview, Newton insisted that Hermann needed to unwind a little. That Newton would help him unwind a little.

Hermann was pleasantly surprised to find that though the music (a live band) is still loud, and drink prices are still inflated, at least he can see Newton, and at least the few people dancing are dancing far away from them. And, well, perhaps it’s made him more amenable to (mostly) matching Newton drink-for-drink, and to indulging him in knocking back not one, but two rounds of the most disgusting-looking pink shots of all time, and— “Look, dude,” Newton declares, tossing an arm around Hermann’s shoulder. He’s shouting and leaning in too-close to Hermann, not because he’s intoxicated, but rather to be heard over the band, which has launched into a rather enthusiastic cover of some song Hermann’s sure he’s heard blaring from Newton’s iTunes before. His stubble tickles the shell of Hermann’s ear. “Just say it with me. It’s that easy. R-e-t-i-r-e-m—”

“We are thirty-five,” Hermann says. “We can’t just—”

“We absolutely can,” Newton says. He nudges his cocktail glass into Hermann’s chest, sloshing a bit of hot pink Watermelon Crush on his neat button-up. Hermann stifles a sigh; the shirt is brand new, bought just that morning for the interview, and will already be needing a wash. And smelling like liquified hard candy for the rest of the evening. “You and me, lying on a beach somewhere, sleeping in until noon every day, learning how to—to fish, or paint, or whatever the hell we want—”

“Not a beach,” Hermann says immediately. “I’m bloody well sick of beaches. Oceans, lakes, bays—no more."

Indulging Newton’s ridiculous little fantasy, even for a moment, is a mistake: Newton’s face lights up in a grin, and he tucks his arm around Hermann’s shoulder to pull Hermann flush against him. Hermann’s barstool wobbles dangerously. “Okay, no beaches. Far away from any coastline. The mountains, then.” It’d be just their luck, Hermann thinks, if the next Breach reopened far away from the ocean, too. Like it followed them somehow. “Let’s move to Switzerland or something and buy a log cabin or a cave and become weird recluses. I’ll learn how to ski, and you can grow a beard, and we can buy all our furniture at Ikea—” He frowns. “Is Ikea from Switzerland? Sweden? I haven’t been since college.”

“I don’t recall ever agreeing to move anywhere with you in the first place,” Hermann says, “let alone retire to do so. What on earth makes you think I’d follow you to Switzerland? I’ve no interest whatsoever in Switzerland.”

“Uh, because we’re best friends?” Newton says. “Anyway, what else would you do?”

“Anything,” Hermann says. He begins to tick off all the possibilities on his fingers while Newton watches him, unimpressed. “I could stay in Hong Kong—I’m sure they’d appreciate help monitoring what remains of the Breach. Or I could move back to England and resume my old teaching post, if they’d have me.” Hermann knows they’d have him; they’ve already sent him at least a dozen emails practically begging him to accept tenure. “Or back to Germany, with my parents.”

“I could totally do all that, too,” Newton says. “Well—not the Germany thing. No offense, dude, but your parents kinda suck. I don’t think I want them as my roommates.”

Hermann decides not to mention that the odds are very high they would not want Newton as a roommate, either. He’s tempted to ask Newton if he meant what he said about them being best friends—for Hermann can’t recall the last time someone called him their best friend, if ever—but Newton’s arm is slipping from his shoulders, and Newton is pulling out his mobile phone and tapping away frantically at it. Hermann feels strangely bereft without his touch. “Okay,” Newton says, his eyes scanning the screen, “Ikea was founded in Sweden, but they moved headquarters in—”

“Excuse me?”

Hermann and Newton both startle, Newton nearly dropping his phone, and the bartender who’d interrupted them smiles apologetically. He’s holding a pint of what appears to be beer. “Sorry to bother you guys,” he says to them, “but this is from the young man over there in the pink shirt.”

At the sight of the drink Newton brightens and puffs out his chest visibly. Bloody perfect, Hermann thinks. Just want Newton needs—another boost to his ego. “No sweat,” Newton says. He tosses his mobile to the bar counter casually and reaches to accept the glass. “Please tell him I’m super flattered, but—”

“Actually, sir,” the bartender interrupts, and—to Hermann’s surprise—slides the glass away from Newton’s grasp and over to Hermann. Hermann takes it without a word, not quite daring to believe it. Down the bar, out of the corner of his eye, he can see the flash of a bright pink shirt, but he can’t quite make himself turn to acknowledge the mystery admirer. Is that rude of him? No one has ever sent him a drink before. He’s not quite sure of the etiquette. “It’s, um, not for you.”

Newton deflates like a popped balloon. A blush spreads across his cheeks, barely visible beneath his freckles, which have come out again in the spring sunlight now that they’re not spending all their time in the Shatterdome basement. Hermann likes the look of them; he thinks they’re sweet, and that if he traced his fingertip across them they’d make a pattern of some sort, like a constellation. Not that he ever would, of course. Newton would surely ridicule him. "Right, duh,” Newton says.

He waits until the bartender is gone to round on Hermann. “Dude!” he says, almost accusatory, “Fourth time this week!”

“It is not,” Hermann protests. It’s weak to his own ears: even he isn’t thick enough to miss the sudden influx of attention he’s gotten since their first television interview last month. Hermann was never exactly popular, never exactly the sort the drive people wild with lust or romantic longing, yet it seems as if he can’t go anywhere these days without turning a few heads (including mid-twentysomething heads, mortifyingly enough) and getting a few cellular numbers slipped into his hand. Yesterday, a young man on the metro asked Hermann if he might like to see a movie some time. The day before that, another man wearing a jean jacket full of enamel pins stepped up to Hermann in a Starbucks and asked him if he could ­call-cu-later. Last week, a starry-eyed college student stopped Hermann outside a hotel to ask him to sign his Calculus 3 textbook, excitedly telling Hermann he switched degrees to astrophysics not a few days prior after reading an interview with Hermann in a rather obscure pop science magazine, and had blushed when Hermann thanked him. Newton had laughed at that one, and advised the young man to give biology a shot instead. (Newton had gotten very cross when he was promptly ignored, and in referencing the incident later, rather bitterly called the student an annoying little punk.)

This is to say nothing, of course, of the multiple news articles (listicles, as Newton calls them) Newton has forced him to read about himself on something called Buzzfeed, which have apparently helped to cement Hermann’s fifteen minutes of fame. One was called Twelve Times Dr. Hermann Gottlieb Was A Fashion Icon and was accompanied with a rather embarrassing array of candid photos of Hermann. Newton has been particularly incensed over that one.

“It is,” Newton says. “At least third. You know, I think the worst part is that you’re not even getting laid. Dudes are throwing themselves at you left and right—”

“Am I meant to go home with any random stranger who shows me the briefest bit of attention?” Hermann snaps. “I like to think I have somewhat higher standards than that.” I’m not like you, he nearly adds, but decides that it might perhaps be too cruel, especially considering that Newton has not gotten a fraction of the attention Hermann has over the past month. He remembers what it used to be like in the Shatterdome, is all; Newton seemed to like anyone who would give him the time of day. Most of his romances didn’t fare well for that reason.

“I’m just saying you could, and you’re not,” Newton says.

Hermann taps his finger against the pint glass, watching bubbles release from the side and rise to the top. When he finally takes a sip, it makes him wrinkle his nose. He’s not usually much for drinking. “I don’t like IPAs,” he says.

“I’ll take it,” Newton says, and the corner of his mouth hitches up in a grin, “as long as your boyfriend won’t get offended.”

Considering that Newton has only just finished following up his two shots with a cocktail, Hermann questions the decision, but slides him the glass anyway. Newton starts on it at once. Hermann wonders if he’ll need to call them a rideshare back to their hotel tonight; he’s not sure he can manage guiding a intoxicated Newton through the streets of the city on foot, especially not after a day that’s been rather unkind on his hip. “Only I suppose I have trouble believing it,” Hermann admits.

“Believing what?” Newton says.

“That they’re genuinely interested,” Hermann says.

To Hermann’s surprise, Newton snorts. “Nah, dude. You’ve got—” He taps Hermann’s chest, and leaves his hand there. “—sex appeal. You’ve got the, like, soulful eyes, and the movie star eyelashes, and the cheekbones and—” He drags his fingertip along Hermann’s jaw, and Hermann masks his sharp flinch in a cough, hoping Newton can’t feel his face heating up. He doesn’t remember if Newton has ever touched his face before. It feels shockingly intimate. “People think it’s super hot.” He takes another sip of Hermann’s drink. "Plus, you’re so—like—uptight. It makes people wonder what you’re bottling up.”

Hermann arches an eyebrow. “Bottling up?”

“In a sexy way,” Newton clarifies.

He settles his hand back on Hermann’s chest. Hermann licks his lips. Has Newton wondered those sorts of things about him, too? “You’ve had—too much to drink,” he says.

“A little bit,” Newton agrees. “I’m right, though. I like this shirt, by the way, it’s a nice cut on you.” He toys with one of the shirt’s buttons, and when he speaks again it’s in a low voice that makes Hermann’s mouth feel strangely dry. Hermann has never heard it from him before. “Wanna go back to the hotel and rent a movie or something?”

He’s peering at Hermann through his eyelashes, smiling in an odd little way. How terribly close they are to each other, Hermann realizes. He can count every tiny scratch in Newton’s eyeglasses, every fleck of gold in his eyes, every freckle on his cheeks. He wonders if Newton really wants to rent a movie; he wonders what Newton would do if Hermann closed the inch between them, and... “I,” Hermann stammers, gaze fixed on Newton’s mouth (stained pinker from his drink), “er, yes, only—only I feel as if I ought to thank the gentleman who sent me—”

At once, Newton drops away from him. His face hardens. His smile hardens, too. “Oh, right. I forgot,” he says. He inclines his head down the bar. “Pink shirt, right?”

Hermann casts his eyes about, searching for the pink-shirted stranger. When he doesn’t immediately spot him, a small bubble of relief swells within him. Perhaps he left, perhaps he decided he’s not interested in Hermann after all, perhaps Hermann is free to go back to the hotel with Newton and watch a film and argue about retirement and… “Oh, there,” Newton says. A man catches Hermann’s eye and waves timidly. He’s wearing a pink button-up.

“Bugger,” Hermann mutters. His admirer is not unattractive—in fact, he’s the opposite, with curly hair and glasses even thicker than Newton’s—which Newton seems to notice, too. He claps Hermann on the shoulder, hard enough that Hermann sways with it.

“He’s totally cute,” Newton says, “and he’s totally into you. You gotta at least get his number.” He takes another large sip of Hermann’s drink. “Better yet, get yourself laid. You could use it.”

Hermann feels the oddest sense of whiplash. Just a minute prior, he was about to kiss Newton (and he was pretty sure Newton was going to kiss him back), and now Newton is practically throwing him at another man. Hermann does not want to get anyone’s phone number—he wants to fall asleep in his stiff hotel bed to some absolutely awful science-fiction movie Newton picks out. “Newton,” he says, “weren’t we going to—?”

“No biggie, we can do movie night tomorrow instead,” Newton says. He nudges Hermann’s calf with the toe of his boot, and holds out his cane to him. Hermann feels his heart begin to sink. “I won’t wait up for you. Just give me a heads up if he wants to go back to our place, and I’ll make sure to stay out longer.”

“I’m sure it’ll only take a moment,” Hermann says. He’ll make sure it only takes a moment.

“No biggie,” Newton repeats. He raises his glass to Hermann in a mock toast. “Good luck!”

When Hermann looks back over his shoulder, halfway to the man in the pink shirt, it’s to see Newton’s stool vacant, and the back of Newton’s leather jacket swishing out the bar doors.

[internalsealpanic]

Dancing In and Above the Starlight

summary:  There is nothing to do but dance the night away.

a/n: Since I am depresso expresso today here is some fluff! 

warnings: Depression, heights, suicidal ideation

You curl your body into the sheets, limbs escaping the gnawing cold. Your eyes are wide open.  You watch as glittering snow falls away. There’s a press of static in your mind. Maybe your brain is finally short-circuiting. You really should have been asleep an hour or two or five ago. Even if you check the clock now, it won’t make any sense. On some level, you are lucid. You recognize the characters on your taped together alarm clock. The red characters on its screen… you recognize them as numbers and letters. Your head feels like it’s full of cotton. 

You shift again. You hit replay on the voice mail. 

Kon’s voice comes over the speaker, a light warm sound cutting through the viscous atmosphere of the apartment. “Hey, babe! Could you grab like 20 cheeseburgers on your way home? It’s- Uuuuuuh… It’s for science. Yeah, totally-”

You replay it again. 

“Hey, babe!”

And again. 

“Hey, babe!”

And again. 

Kon’s voice always managed to soothe you, smoothing out your fraying nerves even on the bad days.  But today was one of the bad days you never tell him about. The kind that kept your limbs locked together. 

You really should just call Kon at this point. 

You don’t. 

You don’t want him to see you like this. You don’t want to talk to him about these bad days. The days when you have to shuck off the quick wit and unbridled confidence. You don’t want to tell him about how you want to open your chest, peel it back bone by bone until the thing rolling and shifting in your chest escapes. You can’t bear to tell him about how on these days red is your favorite color or how good it would be to step out of your skin. You will never tell him about your feverish need to feel the wind as you fall from a great height. 

Waking up like this feels like waking up in a coffin with your hands bound. There is a shriek caught in your throat between your lungs and throat. It sits there sharp and unreachable. You feel so small. 

You shift, looking into the soft glow of your screen. You type Kon’s number.  It’s easy. You don’t think too much about it. At least not until the dial tone. 

You sniffle brushing away the tears as if he could see. 

The dial tone keeps ringing. 

He hates you. 

You massage your throat. You test out your voice. It comes out a mockery of itself.  It’s scraggly and unpleasant. 

The dial tone keeps ringing. 

He hates you. 

You brush away the tears again. They won’t stop. They streak down like fat rivulets of syrup down your face. 

The dial tone keeps ringing. 

He hates you. 

You hang up. You’re shaking and sniffling and you can’t stop crying.  Your body is caught between existing and not. There isn’t enough of your mind there for you to feel substantial. 

Once your nerves settle and your body reforms into something tangible, you pull on a sweater. Your feet touch the floor.  It’s cold like you expect but the solidness of the feeling makes you jump back. You look at the clock. It still makes no sense.  

You slink out to the balcony. You wrap your arms around yourself, phone burning in your pocket. 

You lean you over the railing, head in your arms, eyes fluttering closed as you drink up the scenery.  You can hear the honking of car horns and the flutter of wings. The city below you was alive. A living creature with flowing blood and a beating heart. 

Living was what happened to other people. For you, there was no room for it. Not when you are filled with everything else. It was just a skill you never quite got a hold of. You think this as the wind whistles past your face.

You open your eyes a fraction then shut them again mimicking the shuttering of a camera. Behind your eyelids, you can see the glittering lights of the city. 

Your phone rings. You flinch. Maybe it’s your boss. Or a coworker. Or…

You fish it out of your pajama pants. You debate on whether to answer it or just let the phone fall. 

From this height, your phone would be obliterated. Completely. You balance it carefully between your fingers. If it falls, you’ll have an excuse to ignore your boss. But you’ll have to pay for a new one and more importantly, you won’t be able to listen to Kon’s voice mails. You make an exasperated noise and decide to answer. 

“Hey sugar,” comes the smooth cream of Kon’s voice. It kind of reminds you of freshly made custard. You smother the catch of your breath by pressing your mouth into your sleeve.  “Babe, you ok?”

Of course, he heard. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” you breathe, voice sounding frighteningly robotic. 

“Liar.”

“Prove it.”

You can hear the playful hum in Kon’s voice. “I can make you sing all kinds of tunes, hun,” Kon teases. You can just picture him winking. “I’ll make you talk, doll.”

“Hilarious, Kent, ” You bite out, fighting down a blush. 

“Seriously, Sugar, what’s up?”

You hate the concern in his voice. No, no. You don’t. You love your boyfriend. You just- You just hate that you made him worry. “I- I’m just a bit down, Kon. I promise I’ll be better tomorrow.” You run your hand through your hair and you bury your face further into your arms. “I promise.”  

“Babe, tilt your face up.” You sigh, shaking your head but thankful for the change in subject. You tilt your head, keeping your eyes closed. “Kon, wha-” You feel the press of warm lips against yours. They’re chapped ever so slightly and you can smell the scent of leather and popcorn on the wind. Kon smiles against your lips, mischief tugging at his them. Slowly, you open your eyes and you’re greeted by the column of his throat. It takes the span of a few seconds to realize that Kon is hanging upside down, limbs angled like he’s Spiderman hanging from his we b. Your eyes widen in surprise and Kon laughs, realigning himself to face you properly. 

“Lemme guess, you guys watched the original Spiderman trilogy?”

“You know us so well.”

“I just know that there's only one of you that owns a  flat screen the size of my wall and that bastard is a nerd.”

“Don’t call Tim a nerd. That’s extremely rude.”

“He deserves all the rudeness I have to give after last week’s… what’s the word?”

“Fun?”

“Fun?” you snort. “If you find being thrown by a supervillain fun, then yeah.”

“I just call that kinky.”

“I’m going to hang up.”

Click.

Ring.

Click.

“YOU ACTUALLY HUNG UP.”

“I stick to my word.”

“Lil’ shit.”

“I’m your little shit.”

Kon kisses your nose. “Ain’t that the truth.”

“Did you need anything, Kon?” He hums floating away from you drawing out the silence. You are going to smack him. Probably not but you like to think you can stay mad at him long enough to follow through with the threat. 

“I want to show you something,” he says, extending a gloved hand towards you. “It’ll be good. Promise.”

You stand on the balcony railing, feet feather-light. You hold on, gripping the wall tightly. Your eyes do not wander down even as a rush of wind blows the hair out on your face. Your blood is thumping in your ears.

“Trust me?” The words  weigh too heavy sending you into a dizzying vertigo. He can’t ask that of you. He just can’t.  You almost slip. You don’t know whether you would fall forward or backward. You take a breath, long and deep. 

“Kon, do I seem like the kind of person who would just stand on a balcony railing just for anyone?”

“Dunno, babe, you’re quite the Romantic.”

You blow out a breath, shaking hands steadfast on the wall. The drop is dizzyingly long from this angle. The length of it feels mind-boggling and uncertain. 

“C’mon, gorgeous,” he coaxes, voice honeyed iced tea. The taste floods your mouth mixing with the bitter doubt clambering your throat.

He reaches his hand out, grey eyes alight with sincerity. You swallow even when your mouth is bone dry. You take his hand, feet peeling away from the metal as you let Kon’s powers take hold of you. Your skin tingles, gooseflesh prickling here and there. It tickles and it’s almost enough to distract you from the hundreds of feet of empty air beneath your feet. 

You’re light, insubstantial. Your breath ceases. Your body braces for gravity to take hold. Your eyes screw shut, lips brushing against Kon’s neck as you breathe in his familiar scent. A scream is burning in your throat until you feel Kon’s hands firmly on your waist, his chin resting on your hair. 

“Don’t let me fall,” you breathe, wrapping your arms around his broad shoulders. 

Kon gently cups your face. “Wouldn’t dream of it, gorgeous,”  he winks, “I have better ways to make you scream.”

You laugh, pressing your lips against his, your laughter passing as vibrations between your lips. 

“Are you gonna open your eyes yet, gorgeous?”

“Nope!”

“Not even for lil’ ole me?”

“Why would you pull that on me you manipulative shit?”

“Because I love you?”

“You are the definition of ‘you’re lucky you’re cute’ ”

“No, I think I’m lucky cus you’re cute.” You open your mouth to protest but the syllable die on your tongue. 

Above you is a tapestry of stars extending beyond eternity. Below your bare feet is a sea of lights, incandescent in its vividness. The wind in your chest rises. Wonder and awe and miracles swimming in your veins as you go through vertigo for the second time that day. It was like the first time you saw the racing roll of a jet. A marvel. Pure wonder plucked from the abstract and made solid.

Your breath catches as you take everything in. The world is so wonderful. Your grip on Kon loosens as you maneuver your body so you could see it all. Your mouth whispers something that is lost in the wind. 

“What do you think, sugar?”  Kon asks, grip on you firm. He won’t let you fall. You are slack jawed and speechless. Eyes wide as you stare back into his, all the lights above and below you making his glitter in a barrage of colors. He pulls you close, one arm wrapped around.  A gloved hand brushes a tear away from your face. He kisses your forehead, all softness and warmth. He doesn’t beg you to stop crying or tell you that it’s all going to be ok. He just lets you be. Your head bows, forehead pressed against his shirt. You let the tears fall towards the bustling city. 

Kon rests his chin on your head and you feel the rumble in his chest before you even hear the tune. “Fly me to the moon~” he sings into your hair as he holds you close, his hands sliding to your waist,“let me play among the stars~” You sniffle, resting your head on his. You smile against his shoulder. You feel a giggle tugging on your lips as you two sway in rhythm with his singing. 

“”Let me see what spring is like on, A-Jupiter and Mars~” 

“You are so fucking cheesy,” you laugh, sore and bright and genuine. 

"Still your favorite cheese ball though," he chuckles. You do not argue. You simply press a kiss to his jaw and watch the twinkling lights around you.

"Fly me to the me to the moooon~" This time you sing along, careful not to step on Kon's toes. He presses his forehead against yours as you both sing off key and sway haphazardly in the wind. 

You sing and dance in and above the starlight. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks fir reading!!! Happy New Years. I will edit more later.

Tag list:  @batarella, @anothertimdrakestan, @lucy-roo, @multifandomgirl-us, @idkmanicantenglish,@birdy-bat-writes,  @boosyboo9206, @americasmarauders , @l-horizon11, @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay, @wunderstell @hyp-oh-critical

[olivedoesmagic]

Journal 88: A message from Zues

Journal 88: A message from Zues

Hello Zues here, my son has done the following: Instigated via some random ragnrock anime a meeting of gods in 12th Century BCE, a group vote on the cayanate flood myth. It still occurs, but now son Olive Brimstone has chosen to vessel back in time. My son is “cracked throughout space and time” what that means is through magickla ritual which is not the same as science as he believes, for science explains it away- magic creates it, through magical ritual my son has given multiple copies of himself to the cosmos which via some right handed path deityification he has summoned onto her person in his body and his back. So- my son the God “Ooklah” in African myth, now exists in every culture, every country, and every cosmos. Not always human, never an animal (outside the sung-wu-kong monk drama) and often times he is imagined and envisioned by those of lesser faiths to Greek Hellenism which is not the only way to worship us The Gods. Read our histories, read our stories and we will EDUCATE you on how to do it! So basically my son, is now a god in every faith, vishnu shiva, and questezecoatl, and osiris and anubis and set. He never has an easy job and usually it contrasts to who he is. One such “Mantle” he was rewarded with and eventual fusional aspect straight up steven unvierse style because that show was clearly pagan influenced in how it works- is Chronos (coro-nos) the god of time and deception King to Gods before I. Olive’s story is true if you come to me with prayers I will venerat it to you. As a result Chronos is the stereotypical time traveler. He is a god that lies and devices but as much as I hate my fahter, he was wise and kind however deceitful. Olive is also really deceitful. I mean even if she’s a skin walker and that’s one of her faces she has molded form clay jewish style? Do you really think that’s the default setting. That’s a down grade and I do lust for my daughter. So basically, Chronos is John Tritor or Steins Gate or Dramatical Murder, and often times in other cultures in which Chornos exists he does dictate how perceived including fiction. I don’t know much of the multiverse, infact I would say Olive knows more than me. However, sometimes when a fictional setting is used as a mask for a historical one via Chornos’s powers and antics both he and someone named Malec-tous have imbued my daughter/son with he can now travel in time and has learned many different medology to do so. One such medology is going back through a image of a place or idea of it or scene. This anime Ragnorock Rising took place with the gods voting to destory or end the earth. So Olive daydreaming cus he can’t control his abilities, went back to rig the vote in favor of earth. All Gods and All Pantheons were there, and insulted but swayed the gods demanded Olive. So. Olive often gives a small portion of him the repairs itself both either upon the vessels death or upon the vessel to the families and religions. He is Dionysus, HE is Bocchbus he is cupid and apollo. I don’t know why I as a King got so many copies of my chosen son Zagerous my first, but he often dies that’s a red flag. So. They took a larger portion then most. Usually it’s just a small rainbow crack with the color dictating on his face his life and fate, but this time it was almost his whole face and gold, a mudded gold that I don’t know the meaning of. And while I am a “serioul cheater” to quote Jeromy Smolder, I am also wisest of the gods and king of them here. Olive gets manic it’s never just mania it’s divine inspiration that we would call Divine Madness in my faith, triggered every time by the greek god dionysus. I know I know, this is all extremely hard to believe, but that is why sometimes Olvie as a writer and a muse divines his stories his true auto’s as fiction. Adam Snowflake’s dreamers exchange ring any bells? Go read that it’s good, don’t let the trigger warnings scare there are minor and out of proportion. Anyways, so now if all goes according to plan come this time next month there will be a new “discovered” or “manifested” verision of the cayanate flood myth or sequel or prequel to it, where my son feminene in face with a bob haircut now exists as the hero, where he didn’t before. Track this mandela effect. I know scientists read his tumblr. Theres only two surviving versions in this world so far, one where they noah’s arc it with a sad apocalyptic ending and one where they save it with the dove close to the bible. While science can explain how these myths come to be, Olive is wrong to do this and reveal the mutli dimensional tangent that is the thoeritical psychics behind magick. What id your God, your yeshua was a zombie, or a vampire, or an alien. Or hell! Even my Olive tree? What if he was nothing more than an outer space nazi like darth vador or a death eater like voldemort? What if their was no miracles and we could prove with science he didn’t exist? Would you loose your faith? Would you find a new one? Would you go mad with a lack of belief like this gamzee makarah my son works with whom he consoles and councils and teaches which gives therapy to the real person through magick he’s based on? I mean Hussie your reading this now? You thought Gamzee got better on his own? Not everything makes it into the book. Now I have to go. Olive is my son, I will answer prayers relative. And shitty youtubers with PNG avitars who hate me can’t really control how I’m perceived. I”m a deity sweetheart unlike you and your tale that you pretend to be. This is not an alter, this is a quote via work with Olive, so yes by this time tomorrow this should be public knowledge, a day of work my time, but a small price to say to see if my son deserves my mantle he is my reincarnated zagerous and the reincarnated balder, maybe not the one i raised but Olive has alters, the “pilots” he references, and I’m sure one day the one I raised will be among them. However sad. So until then, until all of this. Just be brave. Trust my son, and know revelations has a happy ending and part of that ending should be the world forgetting and loosing trust in Christ. Because no matter who Olive is, that is what God has planned for you. But we will still have our stories. Oh and Sweetheart (That’s what I call Olive Brimstone in private) I’m reimbursing your comics this time tomorrow she’ll exist in dc again, but they may have made you a boy. Also here by from here on out Olive and I have put this diary public domain. Goodluck and I wish you well.

-Zues of Moutn Olympus

Reality Jupiter/marcos (same story same fate). Paranoia in the air as the gods debate this apocolypse

And the green lantern core is red right now. You know if you know.

8:59 PM

8/23/22

[leam1983]

Placing D&D's Failures In-Context

TL;DR: it isn't because Tolkien and Lewis followed in the footsteps of Chaucer and Snorri Sturlesson that you also need to play out stories involving clean-cut Good and Evil forces.

Y'ain't writing a Narnia redux, so go nuts and do workshop that trusting, gentlemanly and wise Beholder with a wee little top hat. It's your game, and yours alone.

I might be a Marketing-related writer by trade, I still primarily identify as a world-builder. As such, I have to credit Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder and other similar roleplaying avenues for helping me come up with my interest in specificity.

I've noticed a few people making note of the inconstant delivery of lore in D&D as of the 5th Edition, and especially of certain bad stereotypes that are being bandied about. I'm not looking to excuse them, so much as to make sure any other theory or lore-crafters understand why some concepts are so deliberately slapdash or offensive.

As with a lot of other things, it all goes back to Tolkien and Lewis, and to the myths and legends they themselves drew from.

You have to remember that The Lord of the Rings and Narnia are both serving as in-fiction national epics of a sort, the storied tale of the Good Guys thwarting the Bad Guys in your usual bout of identity-forging on a national level. You're effectively looking at Middle-Earth justifying its own existence, and at Narnia effectively setting up its main antagonist as someone who's not so much as deserving of nuance.

Nuance isn't foundational, after all. It isn't Biblical. It doesn't inform an etiological project for a greater Society. For the same reason, reading old Natural Science encyclopedias dating back to the late seventeen-hundreds would show us an outdated view of what constitutes an optimal ecosystem. Poke around for old news briefs dating back to the werewolf panic in France (yes, this is a thing) and you'll find no mention whatsoever of what primarily caused said panic, which was a combination of superstition, ergotism and excessive hunting of the local deer population. Wolves won't naturally attack humans, but a starving wolf who's had nothing to eat for days on end might be desperate enough to think otherwise.

Once Gygax realized there'd be more potential in his pen-and-paper jousting model if he freed it from the constraints of History, he felt the need to evoke that specific feel of classic Fantasy. The need to classify distaff character classes as protagonists likely initially edged them towards the Good side of the prototypical Alignment system, while fishing for antagonists obviously called for the opposite approach.

The rest sort of followed. If you're going after a Tolkien-esque propagandistic take on heroic deeds, then you don't need to give much nuance to orc, gnolls, trolls, goblins or what have you; you're entirely free to go as cartoonishly evil as you want. The apex of that approach was probably reached once the concept for Mind Flayers was pitched in 1977: when you're walking in H.P. Lovecraft's footsteps - as the man made it easy to misconstrue unknowable as being a synonym for evil - it's not exactly hard to start pitching the concept that some races are always Evil-aligned, no holds barred. That sort of talk unsurprisingly gives rise to purists.

Enter our contemporary era, wherein what isn't dissected or cancelled is revised for the good of Progressive gamers everywhere. You're a DM, you know the later editions pack resources for players wanting to play monsters, but D&D is so rigid in its presentation it might seem difficult to reason out of certain established canons.

What I do for my own campaigns is as follows.

I start by acting as if the Alignment system didn't exist. Githzerai, Aboleth, Bugbear, Illithid, whatever it is you're looking to play, it's just a stat block and a pretty picture. Then, I revisit the background info for your selected species and voluntarily ignore everything that involves agency-stripping "evil forces" shaping your character's native culture. Instead, you're born of a culture that is, as any decent Sociology teacher would tell you, the product of its environment.

Let's pick the Illithids. Canon-wise, they're extra-planar invaders long-since established in your setting of choice, to the point of usually forming a good chunk of your Underdark-esque setting's sociopolitical tensions. Having supposedly escaped annihilation, they're looking to rebuild at any cost and see all outsiders as tools to be put to use. This utilitarian concept goes so far as to inform how they reproduce, and also exposes a society where terminal sociopathy is the norm.

Okay. Let's break that down and keep only what I need to build upon or what I find interesting:

Extra-planar invaders? That's on-the-nose to the point of parody. Seeing as there's an element of survival involved, extra-planar refugees seems like a more cogent starting point. That angle gives me interesting societal hooks to play with, starting with various forms of PTSD, trauma, survivor's guilt, isolationism - or even more positive aspects, like the survivors seeing themselves as messengers warning the natives of a greater incoming threat, and deciding to arm both themselves and their new neighbours - at any cost. That gives the culture a large enough moral range to allow for both Good and Evil-aligned characters.

It doesn't make sense for shell-shocked survivors to effectively take over their new home. You're not looking at a civilization's worth of warriors, especially not with the Illithid - they're effectively betentacled bookworms that might be lucky if they had a few hardened soldiers left. Considering, they could either survive by ingratiating themselves with the local Drow or Dark Dwarf populations - as advisors, strategists, court scientists or sponsored researchers. Warriors in their ranks could make for an interesting spin on the concept of the wandering mercenary...

Ceremorphosis as a concept inspires no possibility for mutual exchange. Purists could argue that Flayers don't need to exchange what they can assimilate, but we're trying to avoid pejorative notions, here. Let's imagine, instead, that ceremorphosis is something they reserve for mutants derived out of the animal kingdom as a point of absolute bare necessity, and that they generally copulate in ways that are either closer to an actual cephalopod's or that follow the usual bipedal body plan. That implies some degree of sexual dimorphism that might go against the visual canons for Flayers, but the Internet's more than amply proved how much the community doesn't really mind that concept. If ceremorphosis has to be used, an easy workaround is to accept that the victim's original consciousness remains, but finds itself altered at the identitarian level. You'd die Bert the Barbarian and wake up still as Bert the Barbarian, except you'd feel a sense of distance from your former comrades and countrymen and would find it difficult not to imprint with your new "parents" or keepers.

Eating brains is an obvious issue. Let's stick with the Mother Nature-approved status of opportunistic carnivores, and leave the usefulness of learning through osmosis as a concept to the DM. If you really need to play up their intellectual capabilities, you can infer that Flayers have species-based total recall, which should make them fearsome or versatile enough in any context.

The end-result is a basic framework that's compatible with the notion of a "good" Illithid, without the need for some hackneyed messianic framework like the Adversary being involved - and that allows the idea of Mind Flayers being individuals in their own right to take shape. If the Elder Brain matters that much, you can retool it to be less a gestalt than a pool of shared knowledge, accessible depending on the subject's proximity to it - sort of like your Illithid colony's own flesh-based Intranet.

Remember that D&D is only a massive collection of suggestions. You're the creator of your own stories, so if you're looking to follow the trials and tribulations of a Gnoll Bard from a setting where the hyenafolk coexist with your distaff Rangers across forests and fields, go for it!

More importantly, if purists tell you the Monster Manual says X or that Mordenkainen's says Y, tell them you're running your own campaign.

It's all that matters.

[knightofameris]

nothing you can do  — kuroo tetsurou

✎ gender. neutral ✎ contains. I mean, angst lol. unrequited love, childhood friends to,,,, unedited (so expect lots of grammar mistakes) ✎ wc. 1.3k

✎ summary. it was supposed to be childhood friends to lovers, right? so why is it that you now have to move on?

✎ ameris’ notes. based off a lil scenario from 🍒 baby! <3 (sorry lmao i’m reorganizing this to make it pretty!)

Kuroo Tetsurou wasn’t what everyone actually knew him to be. To everyone else, he was charismatic, a scheming bastard, a somewhat respectable volleyball captain, and a science nerd with crazy charms that could get people to just instantly like him.

He’s good at making connections that way.

But to you, you knew him as that shy little kid that you grew up with. A shy little kid who would follow you and Kenma around. His father wasn’t around much, if at all, his mother nonexistent, and his grandparents would give him the type of doting all grandparents do. He didn’t have any siblings either.

Which was probably why Kuroo would always hang out with you when he’d get the slightest bit bored with playing video games all the time with Kenma (this was before Kuroo got Kenma to play volleyball with him).

Now he’s someone who’s easy to talk to. Kuroo could literally pick up a conversation with someone on the train and actually hold a conversation with them.

There were always some days where you’d see the same little kid though. Sometimes he’s hesitant when it came to leading the volleyball club. A side Kuroo didn’t want to ever show his teammates; he was the captain after all, he had to keep the image that he was an unmoving pillar. Especially if he wanted to make the Battle at the Trash Heap happen.

You got to see all sides of Kuroo and grow up beside him unlike anyone else (well, maybe except Kenma)

Maybe that’s one of the reasons why you fell in love with him.

Love. Maybe that’s too strong of a word. But that’s what you felt it was.

You don’t know how it happened. You just knew that the strong platonic feelings you had for him growing up eventually evolved into something new. You remembered when you were in middle school when a classmate asked if you liked Kuroo or Kenma and all you could do in response was gag.

But now in your third year of high school as you sat with Kuroo and the rest of the volleyball club at lunch you realized it was something different.

“You like him, don’t you?” Yaku asked one day, munching on the little cute octopus sausages he stole out of your bento. Kuroo, was luckily out of earshot talking to the others.

You felt heat rise up your neck and before you could reply to the libero, he laughed.

“Don’t worry, I won’t say anything but I think you should tell him,” Yaku turned to look at Kuroo where your gaze already was. Except, you could only give him a deadpan look.

“Really? And ruin our friendship?” You scoffed, taking away your bento from him so he couldn’t steal anymore. “No thanks.”

“I’m just saying, he looks at you the same way you look at him!” Yaku said smugly. “Besides, the other day Lev was mentioning how pretty you are and Kuroo told him to stay away from you.”

A glimmer of hope entered your chest at the thought of Kuroo reciprocating your feelings. But, that couldn’t be possible, right? Kuroo was just protective over you, you are close friends.

“What’s the worse that can happen, he says ‘no’ and you guys continue being friends. And, if he really ends a friendship over something like that he’s a dumbass and it means you deserve better.”

Luckily for you, the worst that did happen was Kuroo Tetsurou did not feel the same way and you continued being friends.

But at this point, fuck. At this point, you wish he broke everything off.

You wish he’d be an asshole and break whatever friendship you had with him. Because now seeing him with his girlfriend, months later, it hurt so so much more.

Because every goddamn day since you confessed to him, you wished Kuroo would show up outside your window with flowers and your favorite snacks and tell you that he lied, that he did like you back but he was just too stupid to see it. Or that he was too scared.

Instead, he got himself a girlfriend. Someone you couldn’t even bring yourself to hate because she was just too nice.

“You and Tetsu have been friends since elementary, right?” She asked you, pulling her knees up to her chest as she sat beside you. She lay her head against her legs and stared up at you.

“Yeah,” you replied, trying to swallow down that little bit of pain that was lodged in your throat. Kuroo had asked you to stick around with her during practice so that she didn’t feel lonely. And of course, you couldn’t say no to him. Part of you believed it could be so that he could break up with her after practice, then ask you out.

But you knew that wouldn’t happen.

“That’s really cool,” she smiled, staring back at the court to stare at her boyfriend, at your best friend that you have a crush on. “You don’t see much platonic friendships like yours. I thought you guys were dating so I didn’t think I had any chance with Tetsu.”

You gritted your teeth then coughed into your fist and stood up abruptly, “Sorry, I need to use the restroom real quick.”

Staring at yourself in the mirror in the restroom, your eyes being bloodshot red, you came to the conclusion of one thing. If you wanted to be happy again, you’d have to be the one to cut things off with Kuroo. You had to get over him.

It wasn’t too hard to avoid Kuroo. Besides, the school year was ending in a few months. Then you’d be off to university and luckily, you weren’t heading to the same one as him.

Kuroo stared at your back as you walked straight past him, a tick mark appearing on his forehead. His grip on his girlfriend’s hand tightened and she could only glance between the two of you with a confused glance. Kenma, stood off to the side, a small sigh leaving his mouth.

“Do you know why they’ve been avoiding me?” Kuroo asked Kenma. Kenma side-eyed him.

“I think you should know, Kuroo,” Kenma replied, walking off to his own classroom instead. He didn’t like third-wheeling Kuroo and his girlfriend without you.

Kuroo sighed, then looked down at his girlfriend, “I’ll be back, I’m gonna see if they’re alright.” Kuroo kissed the top of her head before letting go of her hand to walk after you.

He knew there was one place you’d be. The one place where you always go to catch a breath of fresh air.

Ironically, it was near a little alleyway of sorts, where a lot of cats always gathered.

And Kuroo was right.

You sat on the ground, petting a few stray cats as you ate your lunch all by your lonesome.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Kuroo asked, straight to the point. He didn’t want to beat around the bush, not with how you’ve been avoiding him for weeks on end. With graduation around the corner, he wanted to spend as much time with the people he loved the most. Even if he didn’t love you in the way you wanted.

You turned your head quickly towards his voice, your eyes wide.

“Tetsurou, hey,” you reply calmly, as calm as you could. It was inevitable that he’d come to find you.

“Why are you avoiding me?” He repeated.

“I-uhm. I’m not,” you replied. “I just need some space from everything. Just a little stressed is all.”

Which wasn’t wrong. And sometimes you would need space from everyone. Maybe not this long but... Hopefully he’d buy it.

“That’s bullshit, what did I do wrong? And what can I do to fix it?” Kuroo asked, nearly begged as he approached you. Instead, you stood up quickly, the cats already scuttering away, and backed away from him. Kuroo stopped, instead opting to wait for a reply.

All you could do was smile and glance off to the side. A light spring breeze flowing through this odd alleyway.

“Nothing, Tetsu, there’s nothing you can do.”

✎ ameris’ notes: okay so LOL. i originally had a link here to my private post to an audio recording. but hnngg i think that’s the reason why it wasn’t showing up in tags. so, i’ll be having an entirely separate post with the link so just check out my profile, it hsould be the most recent post (but not the pinned post)

that’s only if you want to hear my voice... 

HAH sike i took it out

anyway i hope u guys enjoyed it cus i wrote it when i was on like idk. i was sleep deprived. so idk if this is actually any good LOL