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writingbluerose · 1 month ago

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That Butler, MAGIC TWISTED

✦ MASTERLIST | ✦ taglist ( if you want to be tagged, leave a comment or leave your request in the ask box ) : @lulu--lala19 @kiki-kuku @nyuu7 @bleh09 @moonwatcher2005 @toxicm0cha @boredwithlifeatthispoint @mewchiili @1nserturlhere @analiee6 @hheerrmmiitt @acersandterminal @citrine-everhart @paleocarcharias @s7-evermore @cupid73

✦ < PERVIOUSLY ✦ > NEXT

2 . IN THE MORNING : sent below

✦ summary : the first day of your odd job has finally started at Night Raven Collage. And when you wanted to experience a nice and calm day without any chaotic problems, it seems like fate disguised as two red and black card soldiers had other plans

You didn't know if it was because of your sweat and tiredness, but you were sure the sun emitted some extra hotness today. You looked up seeing the blue sky with a few tiny cotton candy like clouds, full and happy along the shining sun. It was early morning and Sebastian had insisted you wake up earlier so as you can begin your work in peace with not too many students loudly chatting all around ;

“My my isn't it such a nice day today?” The butler smiled softly as you scoffed at his unnecessary positiveness “I'm sure my lady agrees, don't you do so too, Grim?” —

Ah yes, one more detail that was forgotten to mention, the monster that had did ruckus in the mirror chamber at the ceremony last night had somehow made his way into the building. In the morning when you woke up and spotted him all Sebastian had to tell you was 'It was raining very bad you see my lady, he insisted to stay for the night' By looking at the cat you could easily figure out that he, in fact, did not insist, rather, it was clearly Sebastian who mustered up some unhinged thing to say to him to convince him to stay ( god knows what he said, you'd rather not know ) —

“Do we really have to do this? I'm hungry I wanna go eat! I don't have time for some stupid statues!”

“You just ate like 2 hours ago, not to mention half of my portion too...” You shook your head and motioned a hand toward the man

“Give me the bucket” His eyes widened in surprise before a smirk made its way to his lips “Oh? My, my, I had no idea you were so determined to get your so very delicate hands dirty while cleaning a statue”

Your eyebrow twitched at his remark before snatching the bucket yourself and settling it in front of the first statue. You looked up and down at it studying the structure : A woman. Her dress was big and classy, on her head rested a crown and in her hand she had a beautiful scepter. Your eyes then fell on the plate rested on the pedestal the statue woman rested, a text written in a very neat handwriting read :

〖 — A queen who ruled over a maze of roses and brought the rule of law to a chaotic kingdom.

Under her strict leadership, no rose was off-color, nor was any playing-card soldier out of step — 〗

“A queen...is that so?” Sebastian made his way to you, reading the text himself, you frowned in confusion “I don't get it... what's this about off-color roses and...and what? Playing card soldiers? What's that supposed to mean?”

“You mean you've never ever heard about the story of the Queen of Hearts?”

You jolted in surprise at the sudden voice behind you. Turning on your heels, your eyes made contact with two boys dressed in school uniforms, one with red hair and one with a deep dark blue. Both of them, to your curiosity, had makeup on their face resembling two playing card signs- Wait a second... A playing card...?

“Who the heck are you guys?” Grim's voice resonated from behind Sebastian's feet, looking at the two students with suspicion. The red haired smiled :

“The name's Ace! Nice to meetcha! This guy over here is Deuce! We're both first years at Night Raven” You scrunched up your nose when the boy Ace did a heart sign with his hands after his introduction

“It is nice to meet you gentlemen. I am Sebastian Michaelis, and this right here next to me is Yuu. And of course, Grim” You crossed your arms and looked them over, the boy named Deuce faltered a bit at your stern look but Ace didn't bat an eye, instead he laughed out loud

“Wait, so you three are the ones who trashed the entrance ceremony last night?! — he laughed even louder — I can't believe it! Bahahaha you guys are legends! Two magicless humans AND a monster! And even better, you are all on cleaning duty like some kind of janitors!” Grim let out a little growl at the insults that were thrown at him, while you and Sebastian, even if angry, thought the same thing : 'These damn kids are always so annoying' While the red headed laughed at his heart's content, Deuce ( who seemed to know more respect than his classmate ) was trying to shut him up,

“Come on Ace, kock it off! It's not nice at all to say this stuff you know?” The ginger put a hand on Deuce's chest, shaking “Come on dude there's no way you don't find this funny! I-I mean-this-this is so stupid it's hilarious!”

You glared at him in disapproval before turning your back at him ready to continue your work. But right before picking up the bucket, your ears picked up a loud snarl that quickly turned into a growl,

“Why you-! YOU DON'T GET TO SPEAK ABOUT THE GREAT GRIM IN SUCH A WAY! I'll show you what I'm capable of!” Before you knew it Grim was on his two back feet inhaling hard and determined. You knew what was about to happen : he was about to release a ball of fire directly in Ace's direction. Seeing Sebastian in front of you, you looked at him questioningly

“Aren't you going to stop them?” The butler's eyes narrowed “This soon? I am quite curious about what's to happen. Aren't you too?” He gave you a knowing look before you sighed and crossed your arms, looking back at the fight that was seconds away from advancing into something bigger.

In mere seconds, flashes of wind and fire blew in front of your eyes, like a dance. Ace and Grim had no intention of stopping, and if they continued longer, you were sure they could damage something around them.

“Can you guys settle down?!” Deuce's voice was heard from somewhere next to you, but it got quickly drowned by another gust of wind. The boy raised his pen with confidence before taking a deep breath, he raised it to the sky and sparklers started surrounding the gem : “I need to immobilize them, so I ask! Come forth! Something-...something heavy!”

It wasn't a minute before out of nowhere, a giant cauldron materialized in the sky and crushed Ace underneath it. “Haha! What a loser!” Grim's fire ceased before laughing hard and loud at Ace's predicament. The ginger turned red before starting to wiggle out of the cauldron's grasp

“Dammit-! Oi Juice! Stay out of this! This has nothing to do with you!”

“Why you- it's Deuce! With a D! And you should stop fighting! We need to get to class already!” As Deuce's voice got louder, so did Grim's laughter that fueled Ace further. In a second, he wiggled free from under that cauldron and sent wind magic back to Grim, to which the cat quickly countered with fire.

Unfortunately for them, the wind blew the fire in the wrong direction, and before you could blink twice, Sebastian moved you out of the way and the fire hit the statue of the Queen of Hearts, the previously shining statue now having black spots from the strength of the fire.

“SHIT MAN!”

“Oh dear, it certainly seems like you'll get in trouble now” Sebastian chuckled behind his fingers, panicking Ace more,

“You're not helping at all man!” The boy looked around, searching for a solution to repair the statue, but right before he could think of something a voice from behind spoke : “I can't believe this...I came to see what this ruckus was and this is what I find?!” The boy slowly turned around and came face to face with Crowley, the man visibly angry at what he saw in front of him.

“H-head-headmage...”

“You lot...you damaged one of the statues of the great seven!” Sebastian's head tilted at the same time as yours

“Great Seven? What's that?” Crowley's frown faltered for a second before he offered an explanation : “These statues represent the seven great figures who once graced our world with their amazing presence” You got on your tippy toes to whisper in Sebastian's year :

“Are they some kind of gods?” He whispered back, voice lacing with excitement : “I do not know my lady, perhaps they are. I would certainly like to know more that is for sure”

Crowley shook his head in disappointment, “Such blasphemy against our great figures will not be tolerated. And for that all of you are EXPELLED!” The shock was visible on all of your faces.

“E-expelled?! After all the effort...- No-! What do I tell my mother?! Headmage! — Deuce's agitated steps reached the headmage in a try to make the older man change his mind — You can't expel us like that! Please! I'll do-WE'LL do anything to make it up to you! Just tell us what to do!” The masked man stopped in his tracks, seeming to think for a minute before he spoke again :

“Is that so? Well then, I'll give you one chance to redeem yourselves. You see, the large chandelier in the dining hall is powered by a very strong magical stone called magestone. You can find them in the enchanted mine in the forest. If you can find one until tomorrow then I will let you stay”

You didn't even get to say your opinion on this before Deuce jumped right up at the offer. “Alright! We'll bring you a magestone! No biggie! We can do this!”

“Very well then — he said as he began to walk away — you can use the magic mirror to travel there. I wish you the best of luck”

As the man disappeared into the school walls, you, Sebastian, Grim and Ace looked at each other with puzzled faces. You didn't want to get dirty entering a mine at all, you hated dirt more than anything ( well, that and mismatched clothes and colors ) you crossed your arms

“I didn't even get to say my opinion on this...”

“...well, here we are. The Enchanted Mine...” It was way past curfew when the five of you managed to find the mine. Looking up at the mountain a shiver went down your spine,

“Euuhhhh, looks creepy as hell...” At your words, Sebastian snickered “Hoh? Are you perhaps scared, my lady?”

You side eyed him, your face twisting into a scowl.

“...say what is your guy's relationship exactly?” You gave Ace a side eye before you felt Deuce tagging on your sleeve, indicating for you to hurry, “Come on guys no time for chitchatting, we gotta hurry!” You shook your head and followed the two into the forest, making way to the mine.

After a while of walking in the forest, Ace was the first one to spot something : “Hey you guys! Check this out!” Looking in his direction, you saw the boy looking through an opening in the fluffy bushes. When you walked up to him, in the opening you spotted a cottage, looking old and abandoned.

“A cottage huh?”

“Perhaps we can look for information in there? Shall we check?” You all nodded at the butler's idea and made your way to the entrance.

You noticed the door had a small keyhole so you bent over to try and peek through it, unfortunately, it was way too small for you to make anything out. You waved a hand, “Sebastian” The butler smiled and made his way through the door as his gloved hands gently knocked on the door : “Is anyone there?” He tilted his hand and turned the door knob, “Strange. The door is unlocked already”

He stepped in the house, and when he opened the door entirely for the others to see, it was clear as day that the cottage was long abandoned. “This place really is abandoned huh. We can't get any help from here then...”

“Dude look at this! These chairs are super small! The stuff around too! You think this was a place where children lived?”

“Perhaps. — Sebastian looked around intrigued, running a finger over the wooden furniture — judging by the dust in this place, it must be abandoned for more than a decade”

“Well if that's the case then this place won't give us any clue about the mine. Besides, I heard it's closed too so I bet it's gonna be hard getting in it anyway” While listening to the chatting of the boys, your eye caught a candle on one of the rusty counters : “Well, if what you said is true — you gently picked up a candle — we're going to need something to light our way, I'm sure it's going to be pitch black inside”

You looked around you for something to light the candle with, but you spotted nothing. “Sebastian do you have a lighter by any chance?” The butler shook his head, “Unfortunately I'm afraid I don't”

“Aren't you guys magicians or something? Can't you light it?”

“It's not that simple Miss Yuu. To cast a spell you have to form a strong image in your head before the spell can actually materialize”

Ace joined is classmate, nodding along his explication : “It takes a pretty long time to learn allat, I mean, that's why we have Arcane Academies and stuff...You gotta practice lots before you can cast a spell exactly like in your head”

“Aha...” You looked up, closed your eyes then looked at the two again “So that means you're completely useless?”

“NO WE'RE NOT!”

“But you said you can't do magic?”

“We can! Just not as strong as this! I mean come on Yuu! — Ace smirked and put his hands on his hips puffing his chest — Didn't you see the amazing wind magic I used to defeat Grim?”

“And how did that go?” The boy shut his mouth completely after your remark, looking down with a disappointed look.

A hand gently patted your shoulder “Now now my lady, be less harsh on them would you? They're just children after all” You sighed just as a quick splash of fire flew directly to the candle, lighting it up with a small blue flame.

“Oh!” You looked down at Grim, staying right behind Sebastian's feet. “Hmph! What would you guys do without the great Grim!”

Sebastian chuckled “Indeed so mister Grim, we do appreciate the help of lighting the candle” You gave the cat a small smile “Yeah, thanks Grim”

The direbeast laughed in delight as Ace's shoulders slouched completely, “Yeah well whatever! He just lit a candle that's all! I say we stop this chitchat and just go to the mine already!”

Sebastian nodded in agreement “I agree with Mr. Trappola, we should leave. After all there's not much time until the sun rises”

It was late at night and the forest would be quiet this time around, only, if you'd get closer to the entrance of the abandoned mine, you could faintly hear the sound of digging and different sized stones hit the ground.

“Ughh, not this one either” Deuce dropped the small stone in his hand, reassuming his digging with little to no hope.

“All we find are dumb old rocks! At this rate, we'll be expelled in no time!” Ace sighed, disappointed “Maybe they really mined up all mage stones...”

“You'll jinx us if you keep talking like that”

“No offense Yuu, but you do not look like a person who'd believe in jinxing” Ace snickered at his own joke before digging harder along with a whiny Grim.

Rolling your eyes at boy, you turned back to Sebastian, who was way deeper in the walls than the other two, a pile of stones at this side, old and tiny, with no use. It wasn't long until you heard the boys bickering with each other about whose fault was the fact that you were all in this situation. You'd blame it on Crowley more than anyone else. After all, if the crow could be even bothered to ask, he'd find out you and Sebastian had nothing to do with this and you'd have no use of being here. But it seems like even in this world men are incompetent.

The sound of digging stopped, looking back at your butler, his head was turned towards the deeper part of the cave. He raised a hand and gave a warning : “Gentlemen! I think it's best we stop talking. I can hear something, and it does not sound pleasing”

The voices became lower and lower until they stopped. After a few seconds the floor started vibrating, a low rumble coming from the dark opening :

“...h...have it...rrgghhh...h...it...”

“...I'm not the only one who heard that... right?” Both you and Sebastian shushed Ace quickly. Your body instinctively getting behind the black haired man, seeking protection. Sebastian was still kneeling down, eyes fixed on the dark hole, you leaned to whisper : “Can you identify what that is?”

Sebastian looked back at you and shook his head “I can only tell it's big. And I mean as in as big as a tree, my lady”

You frowned at him, suddenly feeling the walls and floor shaking harder. A hand emerged from the hole, alerting the man. Sebastian turned quickly to the others, grabbing you by the arm, “Take cover. Now!”

You jumped behind a low steady rock wall. Deuce clutched the candle in his arms, as Ace did to Grim. Your hand came to your mouth, trying to steady your breathing as to not be heard by whatever made its way towards you.

Suddenly, from the darkness, a tall figure emerged. First it was the lamp it carried, then slowly the figure revealed itself. A big creature, resembling a puppet more than anything else, the only thing different, was the head that had the form of a glass cauldron carrying a mass of black goo that slowly poured from a big crack in the glass. The pickaxe in its hand rocked slowly as it kept muttering almost non-recognizable words.

Deuce looked back at the creature taking a different route going deeper in the cave. “Is it searching for something?...wait. Is it... searching for the mage stone?!” The blue haired got up abruptly to follow the creature, only to be grabbed by Sebastian

“Hold now, Mr. Spade. It is not a good idea to follow it if we don't know exactly what it can do”

“I agree with Sebastian! That thing is super creepy, what if it-like-like I don't know! What if it's gonna squish you with its pickaxe!? I can't have a death on my conscience!” Grim shivered at the thought

“I think we should get back — Ace suggested — I mean, listen, I know expulsion is bad but...I don't really think risking your life is really worth it”

“Maybe for you, I'd be homeless...”

Deuce clenched his fists, his breathing shaking “You shut your mouth” In a flash, his fist made contact with the wall next to him, making a hole and cracking it. “THE MAGESTONE IS RIGHT THERE AND YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU WANT TO GIVE UP AND GO HOME?!”

Upon seeing his reaction, Ace's and Grim's shoulders tensed and they could swear a shiver went down their spine. “If you guys are cowards then fine be my guests! Stay there, quacking in your boots!”

The boy turned to the creature, calling out to it : “Hey! Freak face! It's you and me now! Let's go one on one!”

The creature turned to him, ready to aim its pickaxe, “...stone..iz...IT'S MINE! GO AWAY!”

The floor rumbled at the hit of the pickaxe. The boy was faster than the monster, so he tried to do as many attacks as they landed.

Some landed, some didn't, but even so, the monster did not falter. It was dead set on protecting what it was its, and that was the mage stone. Deuce had no chance alone.

“We have to do something! We can't let him die there! Sebastian can you-” You didn't get to finish before a rumble of stone and dust came crashing down and from it the monster emerged, making way to you and the others

“It's coming this way! We gotta run!”

Your feet did not move from the first call. You looked back, no sign of Deuce, which meant he was still there. You called out : “Sebastian! You are not to come out of this cave until you save Deuce! It's an order!”

The butler reacted in no time and after exchanging positions you followed Ace's trail out of the cave, where you'd be safe.

The ragged breathing of you, Ace and Grim sounded in the valley. You were all sitting upright in the grass, catching your breath. Clothes, hair and face full of dust.

“Whe-*pant* Where's- *pant* oh man!...huff, where's Sebastian and Deuce?” You tried responding but only a ragged breath came out, your head facing the grass, trying to regain your energy.

Suddenly, another chunck of dust and dirt fell close to the entrance, startling both of you. And from it emerged an black dusted Sebastian with an equally dusted but a bit scratched Deuce.

You and Ace jumped to your feet in relief, “Are you guys ok?! Holy shit!”

“If it wasn't for Mr. Sebastian, I'd be part of the dirt now” Deuce weakly laughed before he kneeled on the grass.

Sebastian approached him, patting him on his back “Mr. Spade here deserves congratulations too. After all if it wasn't for his dodging we wouldn't have put our hands on this”

Sebastian revealed his palm, and in it, rested a beautiful and shiny mage stone, your initial goal.

Ace and Grim gasped at the man “No way! You actually managed to get it?!”

“Well unfortunately we could not get rid of the creature but — he threw the stone up and caught it again — as I said, if it weren't for Mr. Spade's dodging, the creature would've not hit the exact spot the stone was hiding in and taking it out for us” He chuckled in delight.

“Dude you guys are amazing!”

Ace went to take the stone and see it up close, but he barely reached for it when another roar rocked through the trees.

“N-n-no way!” Grim hid between your legs, shaking.

The monster managed to get out of the cave.

“HIDE!” Not a second passed before the boys registered your word. Picking up Grim and holding him tight, you managed to hide behind a tree just as the monster hit the ground with the pickaxe again.

You looked at the two boys as they looked back and all of you thought the same : If you want to defeat this one, you'd have to make a plan and work together.

Quietly, you moved to where the boys were standing, kneeling on the grass. “If we wanna make it out alive, we gotta make up a plan. We can't defeat this thing if we're all going about. We gotta think this through”

“But our attacks can't hit it. And I doubt it'll work if we hit it with a stick”

“Perhaps your attacks separately aren't working — Sebastian's hand went through the grass until he reached the dirt, drawing a symbol for fire and wind — But perhaps if we combine them we can make something strong enough to defeat it”

“Not a bad idea, and I think I know what you mean. Deuce, we'll need your magic too. Are you up to the task?”

The boy looked at you with shining eyes, fist coming to his chest, “More than ever, miss!”

You smiled and nodded “Good, then here's the plan”

“Hey ugly! Over here!”

Ace was the first one to act, grabbing the attention of the monster “I've got a present for ya!” He raised his pen, the gem shining, “A large gust of wind just for you!”

The wind picked up and in a flash a tornado made its way straight to it.

“And with some spice too!” Grim growled and in addition the big tornado, a fire ball fused with it to make it bigger and stronger, akin to the phenomenon that destroyed the Queen of Heart's statue.

“Mr. Spade! This is your signal!” Sebastian gave Deuce the go.

The boy clenched his pen taking a deep breath. “Okay, deep breaths. You've gotta succeed or all this was for nothing. I need... something strong, the heaviest thing I can muster — He aimed his pen at the creature — Come forth...GIANT CAULDRON!”

And as on cue, a giant cauldron materialized in the sky, landing on the creature just as the fire tornado hit it, hard and strong. The monster wriggled in the strong grasp of the object but to no avail. The glass head shattered, all black goo slowly falling out of it and with it, the only thing that remained of the monster was its ragged clothes and the unusual smell of burned oil.

The two students fell on the grass, catching their breath “We did it...we did it! We're saved!” Ace let out a relieved laugh, Deuce and Grim joining in.

“Miss Yuu, your plan really saved us! Thank you!” You giggled at Deuce's shining eyes “Don't mention it. It was you guys' magic that did everything. The credit belongs to you”

He fell on his back looking up at the sky still giggling to himself. You looked at Sebastian who was still holding the mage stone in his grasp.

Now that this was solved, you'd certainly have quite the story to tell the headmage.

“And that's what happened, practically”

Your hands went behind your head as you looked at a very shocked Crowley. The man was in his office when you arrived back at school. The surprise visible on his face when you turned out to his office with a messy appearance and a shiny mage stone in hand. Not to mention the very late hour!

Grim was on Sebastian's shoulder trying his best not to fall asleep after the long day he had. ( and the snack he couldn't stop himself from eating ( even if it was from the floor ) ) The stone was also sitting proudly in front of the headmage.

“I-I cannot believe it! All of you truly worked together to return this mage stone to me and to defeat such a strong monster?”

You nodded your head as the man looked down to the floor. “Oh...ohh...OHHHHH!! I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!”

Both you and Sebastian flinched at the sudden outburst of what it definitely looked like a grown man and not a child.

“In the short years I've been to this school...never, NEVER! have I seen students of Night Raven Collage join hands and fight together to defeat an enemy! It truly brings tears to my eyes!”

Grim's ears flinched as he shouted back at the man : “Hey! The great Grim was there too! I helped and defended the monster with grace you know!”

“Why yes of course of course!”

Crowley nodded along “Now I see, I understand. Miss Yuu, you and Sebastian do not possess magic, and unfortunately that is a very bad thing to happen to a resident of Night Raven Collage”

You gave Sebastian a look as the man turned away from you.

“But! Now I see that it's precisely because of this handicap you bare-”

“Wait a second, did you say handicap-?”

“It's because of that that you've been able to unite our students and mister Grim here in order to defeat the monster!”

The masked man smiled softly, “People like you it's exactly what this school needs! Mr. Trappola and Mr. Spade will of course be allowed to continue their education here. And as for you, my dear Miss Yuu and Mister Sebastian — the man bowed his hat slightly — you shall be admitted here as official students of Night Raven Collage!”

You weren't able to hide your surprise at the man's words. A student? Here? ...what could he possibly be thinking?

“Hey no fair! What about me! I helped...too...”

The man raised his hand to stop Grim. “Miss Yuu and Mister Sebastian cannot use magic, and that is a heavy obstacle to have at this school. Therefore, Mr. Grim, you shall enrol with them, and the three of you shall from one whole student!”

Grim's ears picked up and his face lighted “Really? A real student?! I- I did it!”

Sebastian chuckled at the cat, giving him a soft pat : “I would seem so Mr. Grim. Now you can finally achieve your dream of being a mage”

The cat laughed in delight as the man smiled. Crowley tapped his staff and in a second a shiny purple stone adorned Grim's neck.

“Mr. Grim, what I granted you now is a mage stone. The students here all have one on their pens but since you do not have...hands...then this is a much better alternative. Ahh, how I take everything into consideration! How truly kind am I!”

“I did it, I did it yes! Yess!”

Crowley pointed a finger at you “Now Miss Yuu, I suppose you know the Grim has yet to learn about society. Therefore, you must keep him on a tight leash and teach him as much as you can! And of course make sure he stays out of trouble!”

You nodded, smiling, “We will Crowley sir. Don't worry”

“Very well. Now then, it is very late and way past the curfew, better return and get some rest! Tomorrow has much to reveal!”

The man ushered you out of his office saluting you goodnight.

You, Grim and Sebastian quietly returned to the dorm, more or less excited for whatever this school will have to offer in the future

Unfortunately for you, you'd never expect the consequences that will follow.

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zosonils-art · 8 months ago

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those fruits from the gameses boy [for an end of year gift art swap!]

#i was worried this'd be scuffed because i haven't drawn either of them in so long but i actually like it quite a lot #i think drawing luigi is just baked into me on a biomechanical level now #super mario bros #mario & luigi #luigi mario #prince peasley #luisley #vaguely christmas adjacent but not really intended to be Christmas Art. they're just in their warm cosy outfits today #also my last art of the year since it just ticked over to midnight #pretty rough year in terms of output but i liked and still like everything i did finish at least. so i'm not like artistically miserable #still hoping to fully realise more of my ideas next year though ;v;#zos draws #spore draws

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doctorsiren · 7 months ago

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Like with any media I get into, an AU is sure to follow, so here’s something @sleepysquib and I have been cooking up!

We wanted Haibara to live, that was it :D

Here’s a “brief” summary of his whole deal:

During August 2007, his second year at Tokyo Jujutsu High School, he went on a mission with fellow second year Nanami Kento. The mission’s level turned out to be higher than expected. Haibara received critical wounds, but was able to escape with Nanami with their lives. He was healed by Shoko’s reverse curse healing technique.

After his brush with death, he realized that he needed to be taking this more seriously. That, combined with Geto’s betrayal, led him to becoming less naive. However, he didn’t want to lose his positivity, so he focused on increasing his abilities through his emotions, eventually becoming promoted to Grade 1.

After graduation, Nanami still ran from the life of a jujutsu sorcerer, while Haibara stayed in that world. He saw his role as something akin to a superhero, and took it in stride, calling himself “Cupid” and being very public about his status. He quickly became popular and gained a fanbase, taking pictures and signing autographs for them when he has time.

Being received well by the media and being good on camera, Haibara became somewhat of a PR boy for the jujutsu sorcerers. He could make a bad situation sound less terrible through his natural charm.

Nanami and Haibara remained best friends during the time that Nanami was working as a salaryman. Eventually, Nanami learned the bakery lesson and realized his place was as a sorcerer. He returned to that life and was quickly paired with Haibara for many missions.

Haibara knows that the world isn’t the happy place he wishes, but he tries to be the change he wants to see and spreads positivity. He also does this in hopes of lessening the amount of cursed spirits created by the negative emotions of humans.

As a result of always expressing positivity, his negative emotions are naturally bottled up. He does this on purpose, stockpiling his negative emotions so he can release and harness their power if a battle becomes that dire. His last resort is to unleash his negative emotions, which increases his power greatly for a brief period of time. After this burst of power, he is left exhausted and drained and will need to recover. He is aware that he is being “toxically positive” but does so to increase his power with negativity later.

He doesn’t express joy all the time and doesn’t force himself to express it every moment of the day, but he will always express positivity in public and during battles to keep up morale and his image (although he doesn’t care about image in a narcissistic way).

He is liked by most people and others vent and confide in him. The personal sharing of their negative emotions adds to that stockpile that he can use if necessary.

Haibara tries to not express his own negative emotions to others because it will decrease that stockpile inside and he knows he needs to save that for dangerous battles. He knows it’s not healthy but he does it for the good of Japan, seeing himself as a superhero.

Much like a cursed spirit, his greater power increases when those around him have expressed negative emotions, but he doesn’t like to acknowledge the fact that he has something in common with cursed spirits.

Lives by the mottos of “With great power comes great responsibility” and “greet the world with open arms”

#doctorsiren #jujutsu kaisen #haibara yu #nanami kento #gojo satoru #jjk spoilers #jjk fanart #jjk au #will come up with an AU name later #digital art #my art #procreate #long post #he’s haibarbie and he’s ken(to)…#also yeah Haibara died the same month Miku was released so uhh only explanation is that Miku is the digital reincarnation of Haibara #I DID NOT INTEND FOR HIM TO LOOK LIKE GRIAN CUTEGUY IT WAS AN ACCIDENT #his colour scheme and outfit are also accidentally pretty similar to my design for SU Future Crystal Gem Spinel #ALSO jjk’s power stuff is so technical and so I just tried my best to make something that felt like it could fit kind of #the last drawing was a quick one I did last week between two of my classes before I made a solid design for him #his goofy ahh impractical bow 🫶💘 my little celebrity /silly #he probably knows Takada and this fact makes him a person of interest to Todo /silly #big fan of his colour palette like seriously this is something I would 10000% wear if I owned it #he’s like that meme of ‘my daughter loves him. I think he looks a little gay but whatever makes my princess happy 😊’#I also thought Nanami still needed to learn the whole bakery lesson so I still had him run away #bro probably thought Geto could be redeemed ☹️😵‍💫😭#he didn’t have a birthday so uh made his Valentine’s Day bc if Nanami’s can be 7/3 then I can make Haibara’s be Feb 14 😌#also yes he gave that tie to Nanami #close enough! welcome back Mumbo Jumbo and Grian!

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kkoct-ik · 2 months ago

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milgram analysis: how mikoto introjects and conforms himself to social misconceptions around DID

analysing mikoto's character, how Milgram frames DID to characters and audience, and following how mikoto's sense of self and presentation develops in response to Milgram and the DID label.

(google docs ver for ease of reading)

will be referring to milgram-en's (John Doe, Neoplasm, interrogation) and Maristelina's (timeline) translations. thank you for your work!

note on content: i am die-hard autistic about DID representation.

as of writing this essay, i've already written two long analytical essays criticising mikoto's reception, and sharing my (strong) opinions on how i believe his DID functions.

while it's not necessary to have read my previous essays to understand this one, if you would like to understand my take on him in more depth, or just read more of my criticism around DID representation, you can find links to them here on my website!

note on names: for the purposes of this post:

mikoto refers to the person/system, all parts included

'mikoto' refers to any normative part of mikoto, when intentionally distinguished (ie. when the idea of mikoto having a 'normal' self is evoked and spoken of in opposition to an 'other' self)

mikoto (俺) refers to the 'othered' mikoto that appears in the John Doe (Trial 1) voice drama and attacks es. it also refers to the 'othered' mikoto from the timeline conversations, as that is the pronoun used, although these are not necessarily 'the same alter'.

mikoto (オレ) refers to the 'othered' mikoto that appears in the Neoplasm (Trial 2) voice drama and claims to be the alter who commit murder.

please note that i use words such as 'unacceptable' 'intolerable' etc. a lot in my mikoto analyses. please note i don't use these words in an 'objective' or judgemental way. i will always mean it first and foremost that whatever i am referring to 'cannot be accepted/tolerated by mikoto/the world he comes from'.

i'm working with translations and 09 is a complicated character, so please forgive any slip ups!

thank you for reading.

introduction: why do social misconceptions matter?

in my experience, a lot of discussions about mikoto are dominated by the fact that he has DID.

more specifically, i find that a lot of discussions around mikoto are dominated by the impression that his dissociative disorder indicates that 'plurality' or 'systemhood' is his inherent state of being. i find many people believe that having DID makes you 'a system' of discrete parts / alters / personalities, while others who do not suffer from DID, are not. therefore, the reveal of mikoto's DID is the reveal that mikoto is not one identity, but instead a 'system' of multiple alters that are yet to be defined and discovered.

this way of understanding mikoto leads many to interpret es', jackalope's, and kotoko's labelling of mikoto with DID as a generally neutral act — or even a positive one.

while mikoto, for the most part, is not aware of his DID, and being forced to be aware of his symptoms may be destabilising, because it is a 'fact' he has DID, this label being applied to him would seem to ultimately be an act that brings us closer to understanding mikoto and the truth that lies within him. it would seem that by reaching this label, adapting how we see him according to it, and subsequently communicating with mikoto's alters as individuals, all es does through their labelling of mikoto with DID is 'uncover' a 'truth' about mikoto and act accordingly, as one should.

in my opinion, having preconceptions about how one's self operates and would benefit from being treated, just because their symptoms correspond to a diagnostic label, is misguided and dehumanising to the mentally ill. more specifically to mikoto, i think these preconceptions have completely overridden any potential discussion about his themes, character influences, and the commentary on power dynamics, toxic social expectations, and coercive self-identification that Milgram provides.

mikoto is not just a character that suffers from the symptoms of DID. mikoto is, also, a highly socially conscious, adaptable, and vulnerable character, that is an expert at gleaning the expectations placed on him by those in power and authority, and conforming to them, to spare himself from scrutiny and abuse.

i believe mikoto's relationship to the label of DID and his 'systemhood' is less so about indicating his inherent state of being, and moreso a tool he adopts due to the social position he is placed in during Milgram, that he uses for his survival, and introjects to protect his self-image.

or: i believe mikoto actively responds to the label of DID as it is applied to him, gleans the social expectations of the label, and acts accordingly, introjecting a 'multiple' way of seeing his self as a way to make sense of his inner turmoil, and also plays the cards he is dealt socially, taking advantage of the audience's preconceptions around those with DID to help him survive the institution of Milgram and escape its torture and punishment for the murders he commit.

enjoy the read. i have a lot to cover.

main body 1: culture and conformity (quick section)

let's first put him into context.

being a person that suffers from a mental illness changes how you engage with the world.

not does being mentally ill mean you are considered to be atypical in how you view and interact with the world, with that difference causing impaired functioning and disruption to your health, but being mentally ill also impacts how others and wider society treat and value you, and subsequently how you treat, see, and value yourself.

in many societies, including japanese, having mental illness is a source of shame. because being considered mentally ill - having impaired functioning - involves the inability to fulfil an expected societal role or conform to societal and social expectations, being labelled as and functionally mentally ill often reaps the consequence of being unable to fit into society: being ostracised, being deemed an 'other', a worthless human, and/or a threat.

under the threat of ostracisation from their societies, and in the avoidance of shame, many people, such as mikoto, value their social roles, and have strong ideas about how they 'should' act and how they 'should' progress through life. should they struggle with their mental health, or otherwise feel that they are not acting or existing as they 'should', many will do anything in their power to maintain the illusion of functioning and normalcy, sacrificing their wellbeing in private and repressing any parts of themselves that they deem socially unacceptable.

mikoto, on practically every level in his life outside of Milgram, is not in a position to engage with the notion of being nonconformist. there is too much at stake for him, in his livelihood, his social position, his familial responsibilities, and his self-image.

it has been, and continues to be, vital for mikoto's survival that he stick to his established social role and conform to any social expectations placed on him, even if it causes him harm, because by aligning himself with the expectations of those with power over him, he can expect those in power and authority to favour (or overlook) him, helping him avoid scrutiny, shame, and the loss of everything he has sacrificed for.

this approach to navigating the world is ingrained in mikoto, and brings us the mikoto we encounter in Milgram.

main body 2: mikoto and social expectations

milgram.jp/character/mikoto (Profile): 常識人なりに常に状況に対して順応しようとしている。 tl: "A sensible* person who is always trying to [adapt/conform/acclimate/accomodate] to whatever the situation is." By "sensible", it means acting in accordance with prudence and propriety with the mores. (@milgram-en)

mikoto is first introduced to us by emphasising how 'normal', average, and "sensible*" he is, and the fact he is a man that is "always trying to [adapt/conform/etc.]" to the situation at hand, conveying how attuned and aligned he is to social expectations. he also describes himself along these lines, emphasising his desire to be seen as a conformist and socially acceptable individual.

outside of the impression of normalcy he intentionally gives us, it is also likely that mikoto genuinely sees himself in this way, due to his own avoidance and a psychological need to protect his sense of self. (I speak in this essay about mikoto's relationship to shame.)

mikoto's desire to be seen and see himself as socially acceptable extends to a pathological degree; he displays a severe disconnect from unacceptable parts of his identity (such as his ever being angry before) that instead manifest in his dissociative parts,

he appears to / acts as if he has have no memory of his murder, and violent outbursts,

my friend pointed out that the dream imagery in MeMe and Double may be suggestive of his derealisation (it may imply he does have memory of his murders, but it feel so unreal and foreign to him that he can only feel that it must have been a bad dream he had),

and when pushed on the matter that he may be a murderer and have just forgotten, he has a panic attack, and his normative parts are forced to switch out and disengage, ensuring his dissociation from everything unacceptable about him, including the fact that he is a murderer, remains intact.

these traits mikoto has early on in Milgram are indicative of the person he has developed to be as a result of his upbringing and sociocultural influences. his social expectations outside of Milgram, to name a few, are to be operational, obedient to authority, and to conform. he cannot be, and therefore 'is not', strange, abrasive, mentally ill, or a murderer.

however, Milgram itself is a society in a sense, with its own social expectations, norms, and statuses. in John Doe, mikoto's insistence on his normalcy is rejected, due to being incongruent with the reality of Milgram, that denotes that he is a murderer. es attempts to force mikoto to acknowledge the reality of Milgram, and although he shuts down, dissociates, and ends up physically retaliating to es’ attack, mikoto's resistance to the label of murderer is a losing battle, and he knows it.

milgram.jp/character/mikoto (Profile): 夜中になってもミコトの監獄からは物音がするため、いつ寝ているのかがわからないと囚人の間で話題。 tl: "There are noises coming from Mikoto's prison even in the middle of the night, and the prisoners say they have no idea when he is asleep."

moreover, mikoto is attuned to the rising realisation that something is not right, and that others are becoming concerned about and afraid of him.

since the negative reputation mikoto gains in Milgram amongst his fellow prisoners would seem to be about the seemingly aggressive actions of his other parts (such as breaking things in his room while having meltdowns, defending himself against kotoko, and being judged unforgiven in Trial 1 following his (俺) violent outburst), mikoto likely feels he is not able to smooth this negative reputation over with his typical normative and friendly demeanours alone, and likely feels very out of control of his circumstances, reputation, and self overall.

all of these indicate to mikoto that he is in a new, strange place, removed from his ordinary life, with a new authority (the word of the warden) to conform and appeal to, lest he ostracised, punished, scrutinised, and have his sense of self shattered.

and interestingly, while he persists in being unable to integrate with his sense of self the idea that he is a murderer or commit violent acts, at the very end of John Doe he is bestowed a diagnostic label, that is then proposed to and adopted by Milgram's figure of authority. this label he finds applied to him is one that carries a preconceived notion around his personhood, and may just free him from having to shatter his forced-normal view of himself in light of his murders and acts he cannot explain, and instead allow him to blame everything unexplainable about him on an ‘other’ within himself.

main body 3: mikoto and the label of DID

at the end of John Doe, and following mikoto's (俺) violent outburst at es' prodding, kotoko armchair diagnoses mikoto with DID.

(at the beginning of Trial 2, Milgram (through jackalope) would seem to have confirmed this to be an accurate assessment, but in my opinion that's neither here nor there; just because he 'has' a disorder, does not make him an expert in it, necessarily honest about his symptoms, or immune to playing up his presentation to fit how people expect him to act or because of outside influences that coerce how he conceptualises himself in light of the label.)

when understanding what this act of labelling could mean to him, it's important to establish that, up to the beginning of Neoplasm, mikoto himself seems to a) not be aware that this is a condition he suffers from, and b) only really have a surface level knowledge of what DID is. he asks es about basic functions of and theory around the condition, and even confesses that in es' shoes, he would have assumed someone claiming to have DID was a liar trying to dodge responsibility.

that is to say, from the moment he realises this is a label being applied to him, the only real information he has about what this label means and what his social position is now is lifted directly from what es tells him, and what we, as the audience (that he hears as 'voices' between Trial 1 and 2) apply to him. which is great for me. what a controlled environment to analyse.

in my opinion, the earliest point that mikoto may have realised the DID label / model was being applied to him, is at the end of John Doe. even implicitly, es introduces to mikoto the concept of there being 'another him' or some 'outside' force within him.

even earlier than that, kotoko very powerfully controls the audience's eventual discourse around how we should be thinking about him in light of the diagnosis. by directly tying the label of DID she applies to him to an abstracted debate about culpability in patients with DID, the status of 'person with DID' mikoto gains fundamentally becomes a question of if he should be 'let off' for his actions because of it. therefore, Milgram ensures that a leading debate when it comes to mikoto and his diagnosis is the possibility of being forgiven because it was not 'actually him' that commit those acts.

(i'm not sure where to fit this, but i do want to comment on the violence of applying this stigmatised diagnosis to him so carelessly and without his consent, and especially encouraging es to see him accordingly as a 'case' of DID ('real multiple personality disorder patient'), thus dehumanising him by transforming him into an abstract thought experiment. i personally think it's abusive and prejudiced to act like his personhood and manner of existing is for an authority to 'other' and define; despite his dissociation, mikoto does not express a desire to be seen as multiple alters until it becomes strategically useful, and i genuinely believe that applying the label of DID, and thus the model of 'systemhood'/'multiplicity' onto him, without his consent, is abusive and prejudiced. i believe any person's decision to see and express themselves as a 'system' of multiple selves must be done on their own accord and for their own benefit, and not because they are pathologised and somehow deemed inherently 'different' as a human being. ok, i just wanted to say this.)

all this to say, between Trial 1 and Trial 2, at the same time that mikoto is coping with and trying to make sense of this traumatic and strange situation, feeling out of control of his circumstances, reputation, and self, he is persistently hearing the audience discuss the notion that there could be 'another him' responsible for all his intolerable acts, behaviours, and personality traits, as well as the idea that this 'other him' is also 'not him', and that it is a possibility they may not hold mikoto responsible for the actions and existence of the 'other him'.

it has been, and continues to be, vital for mikoto's survival that he [...] conform to any social expectations placed on him, even if it causes him harm, because by aligning himself with the expectations of those with power over him, he can expect those in power and authority to favour (or overlook) him, helping him avoid scrutiny, shame, and the loss of everything he has sacrificed for.

as i've established, mikoto has a narrowed self-image; he is avoidant to acknowledging distress and possesses a psychological need to protect his sense of self and appear normative, functional, and socially acceptable, which he does by disowning parts of himself and dissociating.

not only is it helpful for him to play the cards he's dealt and adapt to the position he has found himself in to curry the favour of those in power (because frankly, weakly and confusedly resisting es' assertions of his identity as a murderer due to his normative parts' narrowed sense of self is draining and triggering to him, and getting him nowhere in terms of Milgram), but i cannot emphasise enough how subconsciously appealing of an explanation it must be to him, to imagine that everything he has psychologically disowned actually 'isn't him', and therefore an aspect of his self he does not have to face responsibility or consequences for.

that is to say, although he truly suffers from DID and has truly dissociated from parts of his self so much that he cannot and refuses to recognise them as himself, because kotoko evokes the common and 'othering' misconception that alters are discrete and autonomous (and opens the debate about the possibility of not holding one responsible for the acts of the other), the audience's debate encourages mikoto to adopt the belief, outlook, and strategy that his alters are 'different people', distinct from him, and solely responsible for the acts mikoto has dissociated himself from.

main body 4: introjected stigma and self-conceptualisation

while i think on a lot of levels, mikoto conforms to the DID status as a tool for his Trial 2 interrogation, it is still worth noting that as a vulnerable person with a socially reliant sense of self, mikoto is vulnerable to introjecting stigma and negative conceptions around the mentally ill, and applying them to himself, which negatively impacts on his self-image.

date: August 5th, 2024 (Kazui's Birthday)

even without es' authority to perform a certain identity towards and appeal to, as Milgram progresses, mikoto appears to slowly grow to worry about himself and genuinely start to believe he is unpredictable and violent, thus seeking to isolate himself from others. he also demonstrates the assumption that kazui is in touch with the social consensus that there is something scary or strange about mikoto, and expects kazui to treat him and think about him accordingly.

AMANE: ...Who are you? How intriguing. Are you saying you are not Mikoto Kayano? MIKOTO: Ha- You're asking who am "I"? That's what "I" wanna know. Whoops, don't come any closer. I'm in a rebellious phase and there's no guarantee I won't kill you, brat [kid] or not. Just leave quietly.

date: October 6th, 2024 (Mikoto's Birthday) (source)

mikoto, later, also directly engages with the social consensus that there is something strange and scary about him. during his birthday interaction, mikoto (俺, it would seem, or at the least an 'other mikoto' that uses this personal pronoun, given that's what's written) actively portrays himself to amane as 'not mikoto' — a violent and unpredictable undefined existence, that people should stay away from, and reinforcing his established negative social perception.

this is in line with mikoto's growing internalised belief that, due to his (or, in having) mental illness, he is violent and unpredictable.

as ore (俺)/'not mikoto' he is also able to engage directly with this introjected belief, and actively portray himself according to how he believes others see him, to reinforce that status for his goals. for this circumstance, his goal appears to be - again - to isolate himself, because he believes that there is something wrong with him, and believes that he may become violent for no reason, something he does not want to have happen. thus he threatens amane, reminding her of his poor reputation, and 'protects' her from himself.

(note: i am calling his belief that 'he is volatile' an introjected belief, and not entertaining the idea that he is just being honest about his own violent impulses, because despite his negative reputation, mikoto (regardless of self-state) has never demonstrated that he is someone who becomes violent 'for no reason'. in my opinion, by warning amane to stay away for her own safety, he demonstrates that he does not want to hurt her. moreover, the only fights he has engaged with were explicitly in self-defense: kotoko in physical self-defense (although is unaware of this context and attributes it to sleepwalking, furthering his belief he gets into violent situations without his control and unprovoked), and es in psychological self-defense, only after being pushed far further beyond his mental limits than any other prisoner.)

another goal in this interaction with amane could also be, in my opinion, the desire to protect himself through self-isolation. because mikoto is vulnerable to social scrutiny and shame, and feels as if he can't control his acts or how he is seen, it would make sense that he therefore strives not to be seen by or interact with anybody, allowing him to maintain at least some amount of control over his identity and the way he is seen. thus, just like his interaction with kazui, mikoto (俺) plays the cards he has been dealt to his advantage, and reminds others of his negative social perception, to secure a relative social safety in being isolated.

i also think it's worth commenting on the dimension of mikoto (俺) in this interaction being 'not mikoto', and the psychological and social advantages of playing into a sense of DID/multiplicity. i think a major aspect for how mikoto internalises the DID label and sense of an 'other mikoto', is because by cementing a 'not mikoto', it helps mikoto remove himself from himself, and apply (which i typically call scapegoating) his undesirable traits onto an 'other'.

when it comes to mikoto's (俺) warning to amane while he emulates the outcasted and rough social role he perceives as having, framing himself as 'not mikoto' allows him to act in the way he does to protect himself & others, without challenging his strong sense of what 'is' mikoto (ie. socially conscious, innocent of wrongdoing, conformist, sensitive). thus, mikoto (俺) does what he needs to do, and by psychologically removing his self from the act, protects his sense of self and preserves - at least to him - the illusion of normative 'mikoto'.

moreover, it is likely his (俺) sense of being 'not mikoto' is also a genuine dissociative feeling he has. because 'mikoto' is a narrowed identity that has disowned the majority of his own personality and humanity, and the traits and manners of existing contained in the 'other mikotos' are disallowed from being 'mikoto', it does beg the question to every other part of him of who they 'are'.

in my experience, drawing attention to (or god forbid, reinforcing) identity alteration/confusion makes it worse. therefore, i can believe that while in previous dissociative episodes mikoto has similarly felt 'altered' and 'not like himself', without the social pressure of Milgram and a preoccupation with the notion of having other selves (instead being preoccupied with his conformist identity and life responsibilities), he did not dwell on it, and quickly lost connection entirely with the instance in which he felt strange (either through estrangement and brushing it off, or forgetting it altogether).

in contrast, because in Milgram, DID and mikoto's strangeness is made to be at the forefront of his mind, the dysphoria inducing differences between what he thinks 'he' is like and what he is actually like become amplified. mikoto has likely become more alert to his idea of his 'self' and his manners of existing, leading him to more easily feel strange and 'out-of-character' for minor ways in which he does not conform to his narrowed sense of self, which leads his ostracised parts to properly notice and be affected by their exclusion from mikoto's accepted sense of self. thus, they perceive themselves — and begin expressing themselves — as unexplainable, disowned, existences.

date: October 6th, 2023 (Mikoto's Birthday)

mikoto also directly confronts the idea that there is 'another him' during his 2023 birthday timeline conversation, and we even get to see two sides of him express the way they conceptualise themselves in opposition to one another.

i think this exchange really demonstrates how mikoto uses a sense of multiplicity to cope with his own shame and his fears around feeling out of control. by splitting the way he sees himself in two, mikoto can both blame 'himself' for his traumas and social ostracisation, expressing his internalised shame and self hatred, while also preserving 'himself' as an innocent victim and externalising his grief.

the beginning of this interaction is, explicitly, because mikoto 'comes around' to the model of multiplicity people have forcibly applied to him. with it in mind, 'mikoto' makes sense of everything that has caused him grief and blames it on the 'other him'.

specifically:

1. 'mikoto' blames the 'other him' for ripping his clothes: specifically, he blames the 'other him' for ripping his straitjacket he wears into t2 that, we can infer from the shreds, had incredibly long sleeves and bodice, and was likely used to restrict his movement and possibly restrain him.

therefore, while 'mikoto' blames the 'other him' for for the frightening state of his clothes, in context, mikoto's act to tear his clothes was one of resisting oppression. it was probably also an act of expressing more than a little rage at the injustice mikoto is facing in being incarcerated and abused.

'mikoto' does not acknowledge or sympathise with this context, and whether 'mikoto' is psychologically aware of this context to the 'other his' actions is unclear. it is possible his distress about his ripped clothes, and why he lashes out at the 'other him' for doing that, is because he is so dissociated that he is genuinely unaware of why he did this, and is frightened by the unexplainable and feeling out of control.

i think it's also possible that even if mikoto was aware of why he ripped up his straitjacket, he would not have sympathised with his past decision, and would still have verbally abused himself for acting out of line. because ripping the straitjacket is an act of resisting oppression — not conforming to his social position and submitting to authority — 'mikoto' likely finds it an unacceptable and dysphoric act. moreover, because ripping the straitjacket is more than likely an expression of rage, an emotion 'mikoto' does not allow him to express as 'himself' (and likely feels he has no experience with, as 'himself'), this goes doubly.

2. 'mikoto' also blames the 'other him' for scaring the others in the prison. i will assume this is referring to the loud noises he makes at night, the destruction of his property he does when angry, and the fight he gets into with kotoko.

(this timeline conversation takes place before the previous two i analysed, so i'll assume he hasn't began performing his 'othered' identity yet, in frightening others to protect them/himself. although, i have already covered why i believe he does this, and it's hardly malicious, so it wouldn't effect things either way.)

while it's understandable why mikoto and his fellow prisoners find mikoto's nightly crash-outs to be extreme, it's worth bearing in mind that not only is he having his rights abused, in a traumatic and triggering situation, and the only property he destroys is his own and in his own room, with no risk of anyone being caught in the cross-fire, mikoto does not have — and has never had — any healthy coping mechanisms for his anger outside of repression.

it is likely mikoto has no idea how to deal with overwhelming emotions, which not only makes them feel bigger and compound over his lifetime (as all he does is repress them, put them into a box for later, and act as if they do not exist), but also means that any time he does express them, it's not exactly in socially acceptable ways.

regarding his fight with kotoko, she explicitly attacks him first, and it seems it was only because he was 'ready' that he was able to hold his own and not be knocked unconscious (or worse, if you look at how mahiru ended up at her hands) like he was in John Doe. i think it's fair to say that any negative reputation mikoto receives for this scuffle is unfair, as is blaming an 'other mikoto' for 'scaring people' through it.

(it's also possible mikoto only perceives that people are scared of him because of his scuffle with kotoko, because he is projecting his own anxiety. it's entirely possible people are only scared of him because of the strange noises coming from his room, and his increasingly haggard demeanours, odd behaviour, self-isolation, and the fact they knew kotoko made an attempt on their life simply worries them, in a way they do not know how to approach. regardless of the reality though, he thinks others are scared of him, and punishes himself accordingly.)

thus, once again, 'mikoto' finds his — absolutely understandable, and often justifiable — expressions of anger and engagement in violence either unexplainable and frightening, or dysphoric and unacceptable, leading him to lash out to the 'other him' that he dissociates from, and that he associates with these acts.

'mikoto' also blames himself and his expressions of unacceptable emotions and behaviour for the abuse he is currently suffering within Milgram ("it's your fault things have become like this"). this is consistent with how mikoto has been conditioned throughout his life through his culture, to perceive any punishment, scrutiny, and inability to survive an unjust system as a flaw from within himself.

(this outlook also functions as a coping mechanism: by always finding the blame in himself, mikoto helps himself feel that he has control — believing that if he just does everything right, everything will turn out ok — saving him from the despair of acknowledging that social systems are often unfair, and pointlessly cruel.)

'mikoto' eventually receives a reply to his self-blame and verbal abuse after he begins to shout, with his 'other self' (who writes his personal pronoun as 俺 for this exchange) defending his actions (or the actions he identifies as having done) on the basis that he did it for 'mikoto'.

notably, mikoto (俺) never protests being blamed in itself, demonstrating that even in the parts of him that can stomach identifying with his deemed unacceptable acts and expressions, he universally lacks the self esteem to defend himself or consider it an injustice to be shamed. he also likely doesn't protest being blamed because the scapegoating of an 'other mikoto' is a source of stability for mikoto that allows normative 'mikoto' to be preserved, and thus is not a notion mikoto is willing to challenge; even if this had been a part that was willing to protest injustice, he cannot conceptualise doing so at normative 'mikoto's' expense, and also possibly cannot perceive injustice if it is at normative 'mikoto's' hands.

the interaction ends with 'mikoto' seeming to not hear mikoto's (俺) defense, and instead opting to stop thinking about this all. i personally read this as normative 'mikoto' being physically unable to process mikoto's (俺) response and dissociating very severely upon receiving one, demonstrating that normative 'mikoto', unlike his other selves, cannot directly behold his 'other selves' and parts, as they are so threatening to normative 'mikoto's' self-image and enforced illusion of normalcy that characterises this part of him. therefore, it is likely that the maximum extent to how normative 'mikoto' can engage with the notion of DID / having other selves at this point, is, at best, to engage with them as an abstract concept and 'other', for the sole purpose of psychologically scapegoating.

to conclude this section, i have demonstrated that:

as a result of the rising sense that something is 'not right' with him, social sensitivity to his negative reputation, and the concept introduced to mikoto of there being 'another him' who could be held uniquely responsible for perpetrating his unforgivable acts, mikoto begins to psychologically split himself apart. he finds that he can only tolerate the reality of his situation so far, and although he is 'aware' that others are afraid of him and that he has done certain frightening things, due to his narrowed normative self-image that he has cultivated to maintain his own acceptability and an illusion of control over himself, he finds himself drawn to the explanation of there being an 'other him'. from there, mikoto scapegoats all his intolerable acts and traits onto this unexplainable, abstract figure, who he feels — expressing his own intolerance towards himself — deserves to be shamed, blamed, and needs to stop doing the 'awful things' he does immediately.

in response to his new split self-perception and his preexisting complexes and weak sense of self, mikoto begins to consider himself an 'other mikoto' or 'not mikoto' whenever he finds himself in a self-state that acts or operates beyond his normative, tolerable, persona. as these newly mentally defined parts, he encourages his own psychological splitting and scapegoating, and comes to shoulder unique responsibility for his intolerable acts as his 'other selves', allowing him to maintain the security and purity of his normative persona, despite how Milgram persistently forces him to engage with an intolerable reality that would challenge it. due to natural differences between normative 'mikoto' and his 'beyond normative' self-states in what they can tolerate and engage with, mikoto (in his 'other' states) also finds himself interacting with his perceived negative social reputation, and occasionally leans into an 'othered' persona, portraying himself how he believes others see him (and how he has come to believe he 'is') — shameful, uncouth, and at risk of becoming dangerous, unprovoked — to protect himself, and others, from himself.

in this way, social stigma around mental illness, mikoto's poor relationship to himself, and the label of DID that Milgram introduces to him (the notion of there being an 'other him') drastically changes how mikoto conceptualises himself, and shapes to a massive extent how he comes to cope with Milgram — a new, traumatic and stressful society that he has found himself in.

main body 5: DID as a social tool

as established in section 3, the label of DID when applied to mikoto is fundamentally a thought experiment posed towards the audience about the culpability of persons with DID. as explored in section 4, due to the audience's suggestions and his own complexes, mikoto has begun psychologically dividing himself from the acceptable (innocent of wrongdoing) parts and unacceptable (associated with wrongdoing) parts.

while, as mentioned in section 4, normative 'mikoto' seems unable to directly behold his 'other selves', and can only briefly entertain the thought as an abstract concept before shutting down — mikoto's 'other selves', already on the exiles of his identity, have no such phobia of the intolerable or enforced normalcy to sustain. thus, in the pursuit of appealing to abusive authorities that dictate their treatment and survival, they can directly engage with, and negotiate according to, the model of DID and multiplicity that has been applied to them.

in Neoplasm, mikoto (オレ) engages directly with the notion of there being an 'other mikoto', in order to scapegoat this ‘other self’ for mikoto's crimes. this not only allows himself to protect himself psychologically, preserving the illusion of normalcy and innocence for normative 'mikoto', and encourages Milgram to cease attacking his sense of self (instead bringing all the heat to the 'other him'), but is also vital for making the most out of the model es has applied to them, and allows it to be framed it in a way that secures a forgiven verdict for himself, ensuring his physical safety and, hopefully, leading to his ultimate survival and freedom from Milgram.

in contrast to John Doe, wherein mikoto is psychologically removed from his normative state when put under immense emotional pressure, but never identifies himself as 'not mikoto', in Neoplasm, mikoto (オレ) makes a point to draw attention to his shift in his sense of self. he does this by responding to es' comment on ‘his’ ‘sudden appearance’ roughly, openly reacting to es as if he's only just laid eyes on them in a while, and immediately, suddenly, alluding to the events of the 'other mikoto' in John Doe.

all these choices communicate to es that, and reinforce their perception that, mikoto is no longer 'himself'.

after a short period of mikoto (オレ) expressing his change in personality and attitude from his typical demeanour, es attempts to adapt to the situation according to how one may engage with a 'case of DID', and makes attempts to identify ‘who’ this self ‘is’.

in light of common preconceptions around DID, es demonstrates the assumption that mikoto's alter would have a unique name and personhood (or at the least, expresses the desire to assign mikoto's alter a name, as to distinguish him from 'actual/normal mikoto').

mikoto (オレ) reacts with surprise and suspicion that es is taking this turn of events so easily, demonstrating a consciousness about his social standing and the absurdity of the situation he has found himself in, and attempts to gauge how much es actually believes what is going on. i find this to be a good and socially-conscious first move — it would be incredibly embarrassing and ineffective to continue if the warden was only entertaining what they thought was a blatant lie.

despite mikoto (オレ) making a direct reference to malingered DID and its infamy in cases where people fake the condition to try and escape responsibility for murder, es' response assures mikoto (オレ) that, because they have decided he is an 'authentic case' according to jackalope's judgement and the consensus of the audience, it has never crossed their mind that he may still use its social status, the model of multiplicity, or misconceptions around the condition to his advantage.

which is a — relatively speaking — decent place for mikoto to confirm he is in; he has just confirmed that whether or not he 'has' DID or has an 'other self' is not up for argument, and can be assured that this is indeed the view of his self and expectation for his behaviour that has been placed upon him, that he must work with. he can be assured he is acting ‘correctly’, and continues with this approach.

despite the fact that mikoto (オレ) expresses no desire to be named anything unique (having already dodged the question once), and immediately complains about the name he is given, refusing to affirm it, es insists on naming mikoto (オレ) 'john'.

in the act of giving mikoto (オレ) a distinct name, es draws a binary in mikoto, and creates the illusion of discrete personhood between mikoto's alters, borne from their, and the audiences', rudimentary misconceptions around DID. moreover, as my friends have pointed out, by assigning him a western name, typically reserved for animals and (in being derived from 'John Doe') things that are 'unknown', es cements the sense that mikoto (オレ) is an 'other' — whether that be not japanese (not aligned with their cultural values, ideals, and society), not human (but an animal, pet, or beast), or dubiously existing or definable at all. this, again, opposes mikoto (オレ) with his normative, conformist identity, reinforcing mikoto's dissociative ostracisation, and the sense, for the audience, that mikoto exists as a binary 'system'.

mikoto (オレ) is not pleased about this development initially, due to, presumably, not actually having a particularly distinct sense of self as an alter, and probably feeling pretty insulted by the name choice. however, es' decision here to personify 'john' and crystallise the sense that the 'other mikoto' is his own distinct being who contrasts mikoto, later becomes vital for mikoto's (オレ) negotiations, and is also crucial for crystallising mikoto's reception as a 'system'. so, thanks, es. this is a surprise tool that will help us later.

during the interrogation, the first time mikoto (オレ) draws a direct parallel between ‘himself’ and his normative self when musing to es about how frequently he has found himself in his 'other' states, being unable to exist in his normative selves due to the psychological damage of Milgram (that accuses him of murder, seeks to restrain him, and has him finding himself doing unacceptable acts, such as lashing out against injustice). that is to say, the first time mikoto (オレ) reinforces and appeals to the binary between 'himself' and his normative selves is in framing 'his' continued existence as a threat to 'mikoto's'.

in my opinion, this conveys a genuine anxiety mikoto has, albeit through the lens of the illusion of having a binary self. mikoto, defined as he is to his established position in the outside world, wants to be his normative selves; he wants to maintain a sense of normalcy and live a safe and socially acceptable life, and he feels ashamed and monstrous when he acts out of line from that. i find it likely that mikoto genuinely finds it distressing that he has so often not 'been' or felt 'right' since the unforgiven verdict, and is afraid he may never be able to act as ‘himself’ (as he understands it) again, if Milgram persists.

i also think this anxiety also speaks to how moldable he is by Milgram’s environment: under the pressures of Milgram, mikoto’s ‘new self’ he is adjusting to, that is dictated by Milgram’s expectations and labels (of murderer, volatile, prisoner), is naturally becoming a more dominant force as he adjusts to his new social position. therefore, it is not just that he is dissociating, and discovering ways he feels he is out of line with his normative sense of self, but under these new labels and pressures, he is finding himself to be fundamentally shaped and changed by Milgram into a new self, not unlike how he was by the outside world. i find it likely that mikoto is also afraid of losing himself in becoming a product of Milgram’s environment, and in turn becoming alienated and ostracised from his culture, upbringing, and life from before the events of Milgram.

after asking es about a basic function of DID — what causes a dissociative separation between self-states — mikoto (オレ) ponders on why he (オレ) exists and has been himself (オレ) so often, and alludes to 'mikoto's' distress at being persecuted for crimes he does not remember, rationalising that this is why his normative self has not felt conscious lately.

i feel that the way in which he expresses his relationship to his crimes ("the person in question...") draws attention to the unique selfhood of 'mikoto-who-does-not-remember', and conveys it at a distance. this both reinforces the idea that normative 'mikoto's' self has nothing to do with his murderous acts, and that this self is estranged from the mikoto that is speaking.

(according to my friend, the incredibly objective way he speaks here almost makes him sound like a defense lawyer (or other third party) representing his client. this tone and framing of his selves helps mikoto create the illusion that ore's (オレ) assessment of his normative self can be trusted — it's generally a lot more convincing to say somebody else didn't do it than that 'you' didn't do it — and discourages es from interrogating (attacking) his normative self any further, as he has a reliable, compliant, and well-spoken 'representative')

in light of ore's (オレ) compliance and confident, seemingly trustworthy assessments of his normative self, es seems prepared to take mikoto's words as the truth.

(as to why es takes this explanation at face value, i think it’s important to analyse es’ and mikoto’s relationship and dynamic thus far.)

(in John Doe, the bulk of es' struggles engaging with mikoto as the warden can be attributed to that fact that es, as an agent of Milgram and authority in this circumstance, is shaped to the belief that Milgram is 'just' and does not make mistakes; es trusts that Milgram would not have brought in mikoto had he not commit murder, and uses this belief as the basis of their interrogation. however, mikoto is unable to face this fact, and clings, in opposition to es, in his belief in his normative reality and sense of self. therefore, during the bulk of John Doe, mikoto stubbornly resists es' worldview, and es — with the exception of briefly entertaining him — stubbornly resists his. both parties find themselves unable to reconcile the facts that they respectively trust in, and find themselves at a standstill and conflict. this ultimately leads the interrogation to not particularly develop in any useful way, and ends with es injured, after mikoto physically retaliates after being pushed and abused too far.)

(however, if we are prepared to believe mikoto has different autonomous selves, this would seem to provide a new, seemingly logical answer as to why mikoto has found himself admitted to Milgram, that mikoto can — more or less — allow himself to engage with and mold himself to. through the explanation that it was another of mikoto's selves, Milgram was not strictly 'wrong' that mikoto had commit murder, Milgram's integrity is preserved, and es has no reason to object on a fundamental level to mikoto’s assertions.)

(also, from es' perspective, ore's (オレ) compliance in Neoplasm, fitting into the role of ‘model prisoner’ (in that he is rough, appears to act the part of a violent prisoner, but also never really lashes out and is cooperative for discussion), is a real breath of fresh air. not only does the split-personality explanation work for them ideologically, and it also helps es avoid the stubborn, uncooperative, normative ‘mikoto’ that refused to engage and lashed out. therefore, in Neoplasm, mikoto (オレ) entirely conforms himself to es’ wishes, preconceptions, and convenience, giving them little to no reason to object to his existence or assertions, and making the interrogation that much smoother.)

from the proposed reality that normative 'mikoto' had not commit the crime, es makes the assumption that it must have been 'john', the other self-state mikoto has that es has established for themselves in their mind. mikoto (オレ) agrees with this assumption when they query — notably, shockingly easily.

i find it makes a lot of sense that mikoto can make his 'confession' so matter-of-factly. as i've established, not only is mikoto at the moment playing the part of a violent prisoner and allowing himself to be defined by the labels coercively applied to him by those in authority, but the way the other dissociated mikotos conceptualise themselves are also largely defined by feeling like unexplainable, disowned existences that act as scapegoats and targets for shame and blame. therefore, there is not much emotional stake in this confession; mikoto, at best, feels removed from it entirely, and feels that he is blaming a mere concept, and at worst, feels he is blaming an unexplainable plague within himself, or a self that is a prisoner and ‘not himself’ (in a sense), that is used to — and likely 'deserves' — being blamed.

ultimately, through this 'confession', what mikoto provides to es is simply the 'fact' that he has been insisting on from the start. he even makes a point to reiterate himself.

"[this current existence, who is not what you call or judge as 'mikoto'] killed." and "[my normative self, who you do call and judge as 'mikoto'] didn't do it."

mikoto’s assertions and fundamental beliefs about his normative self never really change. throughout both interrogations, despite the changing circumstances, he unwaveringly seeks to protect his normative reality and self against the pressures of Milgram and the crimes he commit that Milgram attempts to force him to confront. what he does change, however, is his social strategy and performance, that adapts as he gains a greater awareness of the position he is in and the expectations being placed on him, to appease those around him, satisfy their expectations, and avoid grief. therefore, when coming into Neoplasm, while he continues to advocate for his innocence, he does so not as stubborn, difficult, normative 'mikoto', who struggles to conform to the realities of Milgram, but instead from the perspective of a compliant, 'objective third party', who pitches an explanation for mikoto's circumstances that, largely, conforms to the warden's worldviews and beliefs.

in this way, mikoto adapts himself, and becomes and performs the perfect self suited for Milgram to secure his physical and psychological survival. mikoto conforms to everything: the expected and preferred behaviour (compliance, confession), the beliefs of the authorities around him (that Milgram is correct), and the assumptions of his personhood he finds applied on him (that he is volatile and aggressive, the rumours of DID and being multiple selves) and uses and conforms to them all to his advantage.

because by aligning himself with the expectations of those with power over him, he can expect those in power and authority to favour (or overlook) him, helping him avoid scrutiny, shame, and the loss of everything he has sacrificed for.

as he could expect — because he knows how the world works — by conforming and aligning himself with the expectations of those in authority, mikoto finally avoids the scrutiny and abuse Milgram has subjected him to, and finds himself believed for the first time.

es never questions mikoto's (オレ) 'confession', nor his weak and generic responses to being pressed for further details, nor really the logistics of a self-state alone committing murder. in fact, mikoto's (オレ) vague descriptions of his acts only seem to convince them further.

when es seems thoroughly convinced by the confession, mikoto (オレ) once again checks with where es is at with their ruling, allowing him to gauge his next course of action with his interrogation strategy. after learning that es believes the conventional approach to these situations would be capital punishment, mikoto panics (オレ).

(as per usual, this response is likely both because he (as a dissociated part of himself) genuinely feels mortified at the idea of his normative self being punished for things his normative self 'did not do' (despite the fact he only gets the impression he has an innocent, normative self because he has psychologically removed all his shameful acts from that mental construct), and because he would definitely rather not physically die or be punished as a human being — the ideal is that he is able to blame something that does not really exist or exists ‘outside’ of his normative self, to avoid being punished or forced to accept his intolerable acts as his whole self's.)

in response to es' unresponsiveness to the notion that normative 'mikoto' should be let off and go unpunished if it was 'only ore's (オレ) fault', mikoto (オレ) finds himself defending, and spinning sympathy for his normative self.

first he (オレ) claims his normative self was 'asleep' for his murders, emphasising his uninvolvement, but also vulnerability. when that doesn't work, he (オレ) shouts at es to empathise with 'mikoto's' position, drawing attention to how pitiful, alone, well-behaved, and sensitive mikoto is. he highlights how mikoto’s circumstances were all stacked against him, and how despite everything, he always sought to do everything right, to comply, and to act natural, but how it all just wasn’t possible.

the worst things mikoto (オレ) allows himself to associate with his normative self are the acts of wishing for a being that could stand up against his abuse, and of 'giving birth' to his 'other self'. even then, however, mikoto (オレ) emphasises that the birth of his 'other self' is not something he could have not done, and maintains that, regardless of his violent fantasies, 'he' never truly wanted, nor had control over, the perpetrated acts, outbursts, and expressions he attributes to ‘not-mikoto’.

i have no say on how far mikoto truly believes in 'his' uninvolvement and lack of control; i find all interpretations to be compelling in their own right. he may truly believe he didn't have any control over himself and that these were not his acts, due to how ostracised from himself and dissociated he feels. he may only emotionally believe it, as he cannot bear to imagine these were his acts and thus clings to this story he has conjured to reassure himself that these acts were not his own. he may also simply just want to believe it and have it be taken as truth, and presents it as such regardless of any doubts or conflicts in his mind, seeing as any dwelling on or expressions of ambiguity could be fatal in these circumstances.

nevertheless, it's a convenient reality to propose and protect himself with, and one that he does.

in response to es buckling down about the conventional legal approach to these matters (and bringing attention to the fact that human life was lost), mikoto (オレ) panics even further, and implores es to approach them as ‘themself’.

i find that by drawing attention to es' judgement as an individual, rather than an agent of law, mikoto (オレ) pushes them emotionally off-balance and distances them from their typical desire to be objective and ruthless as the warden, giving them an uncertainty they betray in the tone of their response. this plea also encourages es, in their emotionally vulnerable state, to approach him (or more specifically, the victimised 'mikoto'), in turn, as a person they've come to know and grown attached to, likely making them more sympathetic and prone to forgiveness to preserve 'mikoto's' wellbeing (consider how Milgram's audience generally buys the idea that mikoto is a helpless victim, and feel bad at the notion of not forgiving him, especially if that means that, as mikoto (オレ) alludes to earlier, normative 'mikoto' will vanish and only his 'other personality' will remain).

ultimately however, it's interesting to note that despite the fact that es is ultimately uncertain on any strong conclusion on if mikoto's account of events means mikoto should be forgiven (as this judgement is the audience's job), they are never seen to question — nor does Milgram encourage the audience to question — mikoto's binary, his claims that he was possessed by his other selves and unable to control himself, or his claims that his other selves are 'not him'.

this manner of approaching his crime — seeing him as a person who, somehow, operates fundamentally differently to others due to his diagnostic label — echoes the sentiment kotoko proposes when giving him the DID diagnosis in Trial 1. es even reiterates it, almost verbatim. however this time, because mikoto has been able to adapt to his circumstances, he has been able to use the Neoplasm interrogation to take control of, play up to, and reinforce the models applied to him as a prisoner and person labelled with DID to guide the audience's discourse around his crime and es’ view of him, in his favour this time.

by echoing es' own language and using their preconceptions against them — calling himself 'john' for the first time when concluding his pitch and strategy for forgiveness — mikoto aligns himself with es' stigmas and belief that mikoto (オレ) is a distinct entity from mikoto that must (and can) be defined, and reframes this to guide es' approach to judging, reinforcing the illusion that mikoto's acts were not perpetrated by himself.

i find it very compelling that mikoto's ultimate argument is to promise that if he is forgiven ore (オレ) will 'disappear', since i find that this argument echoes and manipulates how the insanity defense is constructed in certain parts of the world; he makes it out that he was not in control of himself and therefore cannot (or at least, should not) be held legally responsible or punished for his acts, but also that he does not have to be removed from society for being unable to be held responsible, because the mental illness that perpetrated those acts has been identified and is going to vanish imminently.

(this is another way mikoto's ‘binary’ is practically and psychologically useful. by framing himself as only having two personalities, he makes it seem that by 'disappearing' his scapegoat part, mikoto will only have one personality left, making him, seemingly, be 'normal' again, not only no longer associated with a crime or poor behaviour contained within the personality, but also longer be mentally ill or have multiple selves at all. this helps when it comes to the verdict — i'm sure some insane people saw ore (オレ) disappearing through magical lobotomy as a good thing and as his disorder and disruptive behaviour being 'cured' — and also helps mikoto cope with his identity, dissociating himself from everything he cannot tolerate, and labelling it as more-or-less outside forces that do not have to disrupt his sense of self.)

ultimately, mikoto, functionally, promises that from now on, he will always be in control like anyone else, and that he will now be normal, functional, and socially acceptable, like he 'always has been', and always strives to be, unable, in his survival-driven state, to acknowledge or accept the extent of his self beyond his normative identity constructs, nor the damage that his intolerance towards himself has had on his mental health.

based in his well-established dissociative coping mechanisms that have kicked into overdrive thanks to the stress and social pressures of Milgram, and the circumstances of Milgram in general, mikoto finds himself increasingly desperate to entirely cut himself off from and dissociate from everything he cannot tolerate about his acts and that he hates about himself. by conforming himself to labels coercively applied to him, gauging the expectations of authority figures, and changing himself to appease those in power, mikoto makes attempts to secure his safety to do so, successfully discouraging the warden and audience from interrogating and blaming the normative 'him', and instead directing the heat and blame to his ‘other’ self that can bear the label of ‘murderer’, protecting his normative self from shouldering the responsibility for his crime that he cannot bear — or survive — confronting.

conclusion / tl;dr:

mikoto is a highly adaptable, socially conscious character, who comes from a culture that values functioning, social cohesion, and conformity. due to how he has developed in his environment, mikoto finds himself prone to repressing and disowning parts of himself, including his anger, his socially unacceptable acts, his overwhelming internalised shame, the fact that he struggles with his mental health, and the fact that, under the pressure of his life and expectations, he commit mass murder, amongst other things. this leads him to display dissociative tendencies, such as feeling like he is 'not himself' at times, or that his acts were not perpetrated by 'him'.

upon being taken to Milgram, his normative reality-illusion that is phobic of all intolerable acts and parts of himself is challenged violently, and after being triggered very severely and voted unforgiven in the first trial, mikoto finds himself in a very vulnerable social and mental spot, and is unable to maintain a sense for himself that he is normal and okay. this leads him to feel 'not like himself' a lot more often.

towards the end of the first trial, due to kotoko's suggested diagnosis in attempting to explain his strange behaviour, figures of authority around him (es and the audience) begin to apply the label and model of DID onto him. with this came the characters' and audience's stigmas, preconceptions, and preestablished narratives around DID, which, due to always reading the room and hearing the audience's voices, mikoto becomes attuned to, which influences his character development, self-image, and way in which he begins to understand and frame his crime to himself and others.

mikoto, as a socially vulnerable person with a weak sense of self, begins to introject narratives around himself, his suffering from mental illness, and his having DID, which impacts how he engages with the other prisoners (mainly by self-isolating and assuming they will be or should be scared of him), and relates to himself (wherein he begins to internalise a belief that he has other, uncontrollable selves that are dangerous and wrong, and shames and abuses them for being that way).

mikoto also, having internalised this, acts according to this way of understanding himself during his Neoplasm interrogation, and performs himself according to conventional understandings of overt personality shifts to distinguish his 'other' selves (that are defined by their distance from his normative demeanour, and their conformity to Milgram’s expectations around his identity), and uses his high social consciousness, responsiveness, and the expectations es demonstrates according to their understanding of how he as a 'person with DID' functions, to get them on board with the assertion that the normative 'mikoto' should not be held responsible for his crimes, and securing for himself a forgiven verdict without challenging the warden’s assertion that he commit murders, allowing himself to protect himself from further abuse and interrogation.

this strategy has the added benefit of reinforcing to mikoto his own desirable belief that the ‘him’ that considers 'himself' is guilty of nothing that could warrant criticism or scrutiny, and that everything intolerable he has done and is that he been forced to face is 'not actually him', and will imminently vanish from his life, reassuring him that he may have a chance to escape Milgram physically and relatively psychologically unscathed, to continue self-destructing in repression and overwork, like he is expected to, in peace.

in this way, mikoto's DID label, although abusively established and used to dehumanise him, becomes a valuable tool for getting himself out of a murder charge that he would otherwise not be able to bear confronting, or make a compelling argument to excuse himself for. by conforming to rudimentary understandings of DID and manners in which people with DID have been dehumanised, mikoto is able to present and see himself as a binary of selves, which becomes vital not only for protecting himself psychologically, and allowing himself to act in the ways Milgram requires him to without entirely shattering his normative identity, but also for convincing others that his psychological and coercively-applied-to-him binary is practical and 'real', allowing him to physically escape punishment for his acts, and assure himself and others that his other 'self' that he hates and blames for all his flaws and humanity, can be separated from him and 'vanished' for good.

epilogue / reflection

real ones know how much this essay made me want to die. i seriously didn't expect it to be so long i promise. i don't know what happened. it regularly brought me into fits of despair. but it's done. i'm glad i wrote it but i'm also so glad it's over.

i'm never writing on this dipshit again. sayonara you weeaboo shits.

(^ this is a joke. but i don't think i have anything else to say about him at the moment! i think this and my other essays really might be the vast majority of my views on his presentation. i'll probably have more to say come T3 but, for now, shrug.)

as always, please let me know if any of this is incomprehensible (whether thats grammar, my word choice, or my trains of logic). i am very happy to clarify and reword bits, it is important to me that my essays can be understood by anybody!

and, congratulations for finishing, you have read very almost 10k of non-stop mikoto analysis. go drink some water and take an eye break. please. for me. thank you!

#kostik speaks #mikoto kayano #milgram #milgram analysis #milgram theory #john milgram #as always #feel free to agree or disagree or pick apart where my logic or conclusions are flawed. please dont see 10k and be too scared to argue #im just verbose. i like long essays. ive 100% missed things. and im 100% not a perfect unbiased analyser. please feel free to chip in #talk to meee about your takesssssss.... i love deconstructing DID rep and reception. heart #ok go my true. im so sorry everybody #edit 6 jul: rewrote and reframed parts of section 5 because the tone and implications were off #also did some word replacement to clarify intended subtext (i forget not everyone reads ego exclusively in the freudian sense)#i am happier with this now. wahu!

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the--firevenus · 1 month ago

Text

An idea of today shenanigans: batman plushie, thing that the Robins has but will never admit it even if you put them at gun point—

It probably start with dick, superman probably gave to him one time as a semi joke thing cuz he found a batman plushie merch and was like "look! They made a plushie of you!" at Bruce (they had each other merch it is enough for me to built this hc foundation), Bruce scoff him off (rude) so clark gave it to dick, well who is dick to reject a gift from superman? (even tho he'd like MORE if its superman plushie but whatever) thus he kept the plushie. (it has blue cowl and cape, big goofy bat symbol that is crocked a bit on its torso, it's a chubby thing and the face only has the eyes and no mouth, also the ears are comically long)

He rant, he yell and sometimes sobs to that plushie, it listen to him yapping at midnight and RELUCTANTLY that plushie is now his emotional support plushie. (if he used to sleep with it when he has nightmare as a kid then that is between him and God). He's sentimental about it. Would go to Alfred moppingly if he accidentally tear it. Even when he move out he can't leave that plushie, THAT'S HIS and it is now stayed at the top shelf of his apparment that he sometimes talk to (cuz it's normal and healthy thing to do ofc (( a la Bruce talk to his cowl like that's a very healthy and normal thing to do wym))).

Jason found out about that plushie when he saw Alfred sewing Dick's and was like "You STILL had that thing!?" "HEY hey don't talk to bat-plush like that—" "BAT-PLUSH!?"

Jason think dick is being mental again, WHY would you had a plushie of Batman?? Personally, not Jason, nu-uh, no sir you'd see him dead again before he got himself a bat plushie. So dick bought one for him, "... What's the meaning of this." " I think you need a friend *waving the bat-plushie hand to jason* see! He wave!" ".... What the fuck Richard."

(the batman plushie had grayish cowl and cape, it's eyes comically large as its bat symbol, the ears are shorter from Dick's one and it almost make it look like a cat plushie, hilarious.)

Jason hated it, but it hated himself more that he can't bring himself to throw it away. It's so ugly it's cute, like he try to shot it one time to vent anger but he CANT.. he throw it so hard to the wall instead and stomp on it that it got dirty... And he keep going back to pick it up, dust it and sew any tear it had. He blame dick for making him sentimental for this stupid plushie.. And if he sometimes find himself just holding it at the corner of his bed and hug it during days that suck. Then it's not anyone business to know.

Tim got himself a bat-plush because he's already had collection of other superheroes plushies and the set NEED to be complete (can't have the plushie trinity be 2/3 :(( that's unethical!), it's his pre Robin era and he got himself a bat plush, then didn't think anything about it for a bit. (the plush is ugly that it go round to be cute ngl, it had dark blueish tone, big eyes and big yellow belt that glow in the dark (( that's not very stealthy of you bat-plush)) and semi tall bat ears)

The plush are just that, a deco, then he became Robin and as the circle of things he got sentimental of it. He tries to hide it from Bruce at first tho, like he can't be caught DEAD having that plushie seen so he hide it and or saying pretend it's not important. It does but no one need to know that. He took care of it pretty well too actually, it only got dirty sometimes because he always put it beside him while he do homework (read: cold case) in the dead of the night with snacks and energy drinks. If he got caught talking to no one it's mostly him talking to bat-plush (it's a very good listener).

Stephanie got her bat-plush when she saw a lady that sell bootleg version of it on the street and thought it was the funniest thing ever. "SHE GAVE YOU A FAT BAT SYMBOL!!" and Bruce gave her an unimpressed look. (the plushie is even more funky than normal bat plush, but this one is PINK and it has TUTU, HILARIOUS, tho steph wish there's a purple version tho that'd at least redeem it a bit) it was so stupid, and immediately became one of her favourite plushie.

She'd put it on her room and no matter how frustrated or sad she was with the bat, she never punt that plushie, even tho she want to many time. Something about looking it in it's ridiculous tutu make her feel better, so she only yell and rant at it more than anything. Tho there was a time where she did actually punt until its hand feel off, throw it away in a bin and left it there. (and if she then one night try to search it again by herself and sew it back together. The it's nobodys business and no one needs to know.) it's now sat beside her others superheroes plushie she collected overtime, stitches and all.

Damian absolute think the bat plush is too childish for him and doesn't see the point of having that when his dad is LITERALLY THE batman. It doesn't even do a great job at replicate the details of the batman suit (sometimes it coloured wrong, size wrong, the bat symbol doesn't even look like a bat and the eyes always too big. Clearly its a cheap imitation of the batman and it's a disgrace!)

So Damian didn't have himself a bat plush. Until one time when he's out of a patrol with his father and they find a kid (younger than him, smaller than he is) who are lost and all she's holding is a rainbow coloured bat-plush (ridiculous looking thing.. ), when she saw batman she stop crying and was so happy to meet the dark knight, and Robin, awkwardly trying to help too, but evidently the kid just needed to see the dark knight to be okay. "I'm not scared because I know you're going to protect me!" the kid innocently says, hugging her bat-plush and show it off like it's her precious amulet of protection.

Something about seeing the kid with her ridiculous bat plush did something to Damian, a longing of childhood innocent one would say (if you are sappy I guess) or something else. So if he sew his own bat plush one night, careful with the details and all, just for himself? No one need to know about it. (yet they do and Damian bat plush undoubtedly the best one yet ((in term of details, all bat-plush is good bat-plush)))

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hongluboobs · 7 months ago

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Me when I have to take my Hong Lu’s meaning away because I’m bored

#pachidraws #hong lu #limbus company #Hong Lu lcb #first time finishing something in a. Long time #I didn’t intend to do so much with this. but I did and I like it a decent amount #nice to get back into the swing of things bc I’ve only been doing full pieces for school lately #I have like a love hate relationship with clam because I don’t really like using these kinds of colors #but I did so much analysis on it and it’s grown on me as a result :)#‘who will take its meaning away’ from the clam’s abno log is in my head rent free foreber

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fisheito · 7 months ago

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so sad. so cold

#there was this lone screenshot in my gallery #i don't know where it came from #WHERE IS YOUR SOURCE #WHAT DID PAST ME WANT FROM FUTURE ME???#this picture jus...t... sitting between my multiple nuca screenshots and various other screenies #WHAT DO YOU MEAN #i guess you wanted a drawover #what else could you have intended.. .#yaku being the coldest shakiest greyhound. or borzoi #just a really long boye with big pathetic eyes #give him a baby pumpkin (garu stuffed toy) and he WILL develop emotional codependence #i want an eiden trash bag dispenser #like. those lil capsules you attach to the leash. i grab the tiny trash bags directly from his happy open mouth #he is SO useful!!!!!! and he looks happy to help #nu carnival yakumo #yakugaru #?

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hwnglx · 8 months ago

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enhypen on cam vs. off cam

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

heeseung

on cam

nerves of steel. stable, patient, mild-tempered, agreeable. self-sacrificing, especially when it comes to the team. willing to give in and surrender for the group's sake. holds back and restrains himself a lot. grounded and down to earth. gives the team this significant and essential foundation of focus and practicality. he seems well-rounded artistically too, like the member who has the basic skills down to a tee.

off cam

not easy to satisfy. immensely high standards, good luck trying to have him be happy and content with.. anything, basically. i keep seeing him nagging and possibly micromanaging about minor things. also, can have his immature ways once he's in a negative headspace. more outspoken. will tell you things the way they are. more sensitive than what meets the eye. heeseung seems like the type to let out his inner negativity on others at times, which as a result he can blame himself for; this can cause even more dissatisfaction -> vicious loop here.. might have problems confronting and connecting to his emotions directly, chooses to run away from a lot of them. struggles expressing his feelings in a manner which accurately reflects his inner state of mind. goes back and forth between criticising and feeling sorry or guilty all the time. like he's in a constant inner turmoil.

jay

on cam

personable, easy to get along with. seems like the member who's best at creating parasocial relationships with the public. he's good at making you feel like you're connected, as if you're his friend. a lot of pride and smugness. knows what he can do for the team and isn't afraid to allow his confidence to shine. very much content in his element. can therefore bring a sense of positivity and optimism to situations. also, quite mature and reliable. good head on his shoulders. great business man. loves having people think he's “husband” material. like a grown guy with a strong sense of responsibility.

off cam

fancier. more out there and less restrained. likes showing off, and everything fancy and glamorous. is he the member who dresses up the most in terms of airport fashion? it's kinda giving that to me. seems proud of his fame and status. likes the feeling when people recognize him. more self-focused. cares about things like actively keeping up his popularity, making sure he's well-liked off camera as well. reputation is insanely important to this man. taurus energy is literally dripping from him. i could imagine him looking up his name a lot on social media. extremely ambitious. can get quite obsessive and lean on the gluttonous side at times. very “my way”. might go back and forth a lot, between trying his best to be charitable and accommodating with people around him, while also strongly holding on to his own values, principles and opinions. does not budge easily, you'll rarely catch jay being a pushover. stubborn as a rock once he's convinced about his opinion. more traditionally minded, holds beliefs that lean towards the more conservative side.

jake

on cam

youthful and bright, a childlike nature. sensitive to his surroundings with a dreamy quality to him, he can often find himself in a haze with his head in the clouds, i also heard “delusional”. at the same time, he can be very observant. quick wit. boldly speaks up when he feels the need to, and expresses himself bluntly at times. still presents himself as someone who's generally patient and tolerant, there's a bit of a hot and cold factor here. he's someone who seems calm and collected at first, but allows himself to step out of that once he feels strongly about something. jake can almost be like a child at his most emotional, but quiet and balanced once he's in work-mode. very hardworking, a diligent person who's continuously striving to reach higher goals and willing to put in the necessary effort.

off cam

passionate. gets random sparks of energy and motivation. definitely a “p” in terms of mbti. he's the type to feel strongly about e.g. a random hobby he found and obsess over it, just to get over it after a few days. burns hot once his inner fire erupts, but calms down just as fast. pours a lot of himself into every endeavour he faces. also gives off quite an individualistic and independent vibe, he doesn't really enjoy depending on other people to get things done for him. prefers doing it himself. detaches himself from people a lot of the time to gain a sense of inner balance. easily affected by his surroundings, especially by people's different energies. therefore needs his private space and alone-time to recharge. can be surprisingly introverted. a lot of internalised anxiety he tries his best to release when on his own. not someone to allow his inner stress to stand in the way of his work though. quite perfectionistic and hard to please in regards to himself.

sunghoon

on cam

chill, laidback, comfortable. easy to be around. not very reactive; in control of his emotions, rarely allows things to enrage him. and if he does, it's usually done in a tactful manner. i'd be surprised to ever catch this man fully lose grip on his temper while cameras are rolling. very mature as well, he knows how to present himself in a manner which shows off his best sides only. a lot of quiet but strong confidence he radiates to the outside. he's self-assured, and knows where his charm lies. a lot of natural charisma. his energy is very.. “i know i don't need to do much for you to like me.” like he's aware of the strong effect his presence can have on people.

off cam

good understanding of business. very protective of his career and what he's been able to build for himself. cautious about keeping it in tact. can be quite self-focused in that regard. can be much more “me me me” than you'd think, does desire and enjoy the spotlight to a degree, though he isn't obnoxious about it. i heard “don't ruin my moment” he doesn't like people getting in the way of his plans, feeling entitled to command him around, etc. very much a free spirit who doesn't enjoy having to majorly concern himself with others. careful and guarded when it comes to his private matters; draws a clear line between his professional life and personal life. adamant with his boundaries, i suggest not to cross them. holds grudges and stores much of his negativity inside, rather than letting it out. doesn't come without his insecurities, but they're likely to be so buried down, that he might not be entirely aware of them himself. generous, giving and supportive in his nature though. will offer a helping hand if he feels like someone is in direct need of it.

sunoo

on cam

another member who's quite conscious of his image and what he chooses to display to the public. wants to present himself in the best way possible. like i can see him straightening his back and stroking his hair out his face once the cameras start rolling. can slip in and out of conversations or situations depending on if he cares enough lol. quite intentional about when he speaks up, and when he stays put. although he can have his stand-out moments, usually sunoo prefers just blending in and not pulling too much attention to himself. knows he needs to go with the flow of the people around him, and stays balanced, as well as peaceful when cameras are on.

off cam

the type to work harder when people aren't looking. very much invested in continuously developing his skills and talents and improving his abilities. the type to plan out certain longterm goals for himself in his head without telling anyone, since he doesn't see the need to. for sure more focused on himself.. all i sense is him thinking about his own life. doesn't really concern himself with the group as much, has his eyes on his own path. this can also lead to him dealing with a lot of his negative emotions by himself though. someone who's more used to to withdrawing, and therefore more comfortable isolating himself when struggling. i can't shake the feeling sunoo feels like enhypen isn't the place that enables him to shine as much as he could. like his potential just isn't being fully realized. might feel quite stunted artistically and creatively because he has to match himself to six other guys. there's some pent up frustration here, and i don't really see him having much of an outlet for it. i can also sense some fear regarding his actual ability to stand on his own though; so he can easily feel lost. he doesn't feel like a true part of the group, but can also lack the substantial belief in himself to take steps in the other direction.. very pisces mars of him; he thinks of the idea of doing certain things, but often doesn't decisively act on it.

jungwon

on cam

worthy to note, that all i could think about was the group. he's very much aware of the unique responsibility that comes with being the leader. wants be a person of compassion and empathy for the team; someone who gives them the feeling of comfort. a resting place they can seek in times of stress. not only does he want for the members to be able to talk to him about anything, he also wants to be a source of confidence and inspiration. for the team, and in general. jungwon can often feel the need to remain strong and powerful for the sake of his group. i got reminded of this one quote bada lee once said about her dance team “if i fall apart, you guys will too” jungwon might relate to that in a way. he feels like the main guy pulling the ship forward. at the same time, there's some light and fun energy too. he doesn't want to seem too serious and strict all the time, and also make sure the atmosphere is enjoyable and lively for everyone. a little bit like a cool dad, lol. which is cute since he's the second youngest.

off cam

more business-minded. someone who's always making sure the professionalism is on par, everyone is aware of their jobs and does them orderly. can definitely get sharp-tongued and harsher with his words, if he feels the need to. will give you the reality checks you might be afraid of but are in need of to grow. his intentions are pure; he's just clear in what he expects from people and might not be the best at expressing it in a way that's more digestible for softer hearts. i can sense some fear in him of things going south for the group, so he's very protective over the place they're at now. will definitely be the one stepping up to argue if anyone dares to badmouth them. similarly to jay, he's also a member who can be quite focused on keeping his reputation up. might have a bit of an ego that gets in the way of him being easier to get along with though. i do see his ego being on the side of more quickly damaged, which can result in him getting defensive quite fast. make no mistake, he feels very protective over the group, but it's also because in his eyes, the course enhypen takes is largely reflective of how well jungwon himself is doing as the leader.

ni-ki

on cam

relentlessly hard-working, constantly trying to improve and striving for the top. someone who's just in his element when in work-mode. laidback and reserved. observant and attentive. usually keeps more to himself unless he needs to work. i see him being immensely perceptive, and sensitive to energies around him, which is why he can often consciously choose to detach himself. i got reminded of the quote that says “observe but don't absorb” a member who seems more uncomfortable about all the attention and eyes on him. prone to getting overwhelmed easily. the lines for on and off cam were more blurred for him. i don't see him being good at putting on a mask for the public, as much as he just chooses to stay quiet. it's like, if he doesn't showcase too much of himself, people have less things to judge him for. plus less things that distract them from what's important; his artistry. very professional. wants to primarily be seen and recognized for his work and craft. i don't see him enjoying fanservice, aegyo and silly stuff like that.

off cam

more self-conscious than what meets the eye. not easily satisfied, sees himself as a continuous student of his craft. very protective of his possessions, and focused on himself. can often feel like his work is the only thing he really knows and is good at, so he can be overly fixated on it. the type to get married to his work, to be honest lol. similarly to sunghoon, he doesn't like anyone rubbing their nose into his business. (the two sags, not surprising) can often crave a sense of control and stability in his life, and doesn't want people from the outside meddling in it for that reason. if ni-ki made a plan for himself, best believe he will go through with it till the very end. still, quite fair-minded. i don't see him being extremely greedy persé, but moreso holding himself to higher standards from the very beginning. wouldn't want to steal away anyone's opportunity, but wants to already be established enough, that he'd be first the choice anyway, if that makes sense. can feel trapped in his mind once he gets to a place of overthinking, and subconsciously set himself limitations that don't have to be there.

#kpop tarot #enhypen tarot #did not intend for these to be so long #pls remember energies are fluent so what im picking up on now #could be different tomorrow #enjoy the read <3

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