#disabled and doing my best

[lil-gremlin-gal]

NaClYoHo Days 11 & 12

First, a little bit on Canadian tradition! Saturday was Remembrance Day here in Canada, which is a big part of our culture for many Canadians. I'm not sure if it's the same in the US or other areas, but the tradition for many people here is to don a poppy (a reference to the poem WWI poem "In Flander's Fields" by Canadian physician Lieutenant-Colonel John McCrae) and attend a ceremony.

It's a day for solemn remembrance for dead soldiers and civilians from world wars I and II, gratitude for our safety and distance from major conflict in Canada, and a reminder to do our best to be champions of peace.

This holiday is a difficult one for me: I appreciate the focus on sustaining peace, but Canada's actions aren't always in line with its words. Additionally, the focus on past conflict in European nations often leaves ongoing wars and war crimes in other areas (Gaza for example) and Canada's failure to act to prevent and end ongoing conflicts unaddressed.

The ceremony we attended was well done and opened with a land acknowledgement and prayer in thanks to the creator by the representative of a local First Nations group, which was beautifully done. After an hour outside at the ceremony, I was wiped out for the rest of the day and all day on the 12th, so it was just dishes and laundry those days. But I did manage to change the bedsheets and clean our bird's cage, so that was a big win.

[badolmen]

They don’t even attempt to assassinate US politicians anymore. You notice that? Not since the anthrax scare back for… who was it, Barack? And even that… pathetic. This new generation has no respect for an honest hitman. I’m not sure this new generation has any honest hitman - you see that shit with Boeing? Sloppy, fucking disgraceful - you kill the whistleblowers before they get halfway to a lawsuit. What kind of fucking amateur is doing faked suicides the night before testimony? Goddamn greenhorns. Back in my day someone tried to shoot Ronald Reagan in broad daylight. There used to be bomb threats to Congress. I took out a few union leaders in the utilities sector myself. Today’s generation? Won’t even threaten to throw a punch - not even over on that - what’s it now, ‘X’? They got no guts. None! And they don’t even have poor impulse control to boot! Too much of that - that panopticon anxiety bullshit. “Oh what if I get a called out post???” People used to send the president letters full of bioweapons. In the mail! Today’s generation? Not a chance. All because of woke.

[drawingdreamboats]

seeing double

[johnnyshrine]

★ 123 // “Take the next best step and pray.”

[a-totally-reasonable-username]

Me thinking: should i really wake up my mom to make me a hot water bottle right now? I'm not that shaky. I think. I'm not that badly out of it either, am i? It's 4am i don't want to wake her up i can totally do it myself!

Me, remembering my mom nearly begging me to please wake her so she can pour the hot water instead of waking her up so she can drive me to the hospital for burns:...

Me: you know i think i'll just wake her up real quick

[signedjehanne]

people on tumblr will literally post things like “you have to eat vegetables and expand your palate i dont care if you are a picky eater because of autism (if i can overcome it you can too)” and everybody will reblog it being like “yes this is true for everybody no matter what” and think its okay. like sorry but that wont work for everyone and there is no one size fits all and some people will never be able to eat these things no matter how hard they try. im only allowed by my doctors to eat recreationally and not for nutrition, because my ARFID is so severe that i get my nutrition solely from a specially made formula drink. your suggestions of “try vegetables roasted!” or “try them in soup!” and assurances of “i did it, you can too!” don’t work for those of us with more severe mental illnesses and disabilities. stop tying a person’s worth to their diet and stop assuming everybody has the ability to do what you can.

[spookierz]

stardew valley alex with a knee brace guys. stardew valley alex with reoccuring issues from sports injuries. stardew valley alex with cognitive difficulties and chronic migraines from a tbi. stardew valley alex who is disabled....

[lil-gremlin-gal]

NaClYoHo Day 21

usual dailies (dishwasher, washed a load of laundry)

replied to emails

made ANOTHER doctor's appointment for this week to do paperwork stuff

called SIL to catch up and ask what we could get her girls for the holidays

ordered more Christmas presents and ran the numbers: almost half the shopping is done and we're on track to have everything, including gifts for each other, for under $350 CAD - I'm very proud of myself for my budget work and number crunching

called my dad to check in on him (ongoing divorce/separation has been very hard on him)

called my sister to check in on her (my dad's difficulty with the divorce/separation has been very hard on her)

finished my gorgeous rainbow tassel garland!!

10 minute tidy and journal. I'm trying out a new format/bedtime routine and it's been going really well.

And of course, forgot to clean and list the extra birdcage on marketplace. Like I have every day for the last three weeks. Oops

Tassel photo:

48 handmade tassels, 12 feet of string, $5 at the thrift store, and a couple of hours of work!

On the to do list today is:

- clean and list the birdcage (for real this time)

- go through texts and reply

- doctor's appointment by phone

- get vaccinated, yayyyyy :D

- arrange pickup for old chairs I'm giving away

My mom's own childhood issues made Christmas a really difficult holiday for her, meaning that I arranged a good part of our family Christmases each year starting at age 17. This year is going to be extra tricky with my health issues and the divorce/separation, but I'm doing my very best 💪

[mayadoesfandomstuff]

Crazy to think that Alicia/Maelle has become a comfort character for me so quickly because of how her issues were portrayed in the story has genuinely helped me process issues of my own as well as communicate those issues with other people. Her insecurity about not living up to her family legacy, her guilt and shame and frustration because of things out of her control, her grief about not being able to save the ones she loved or give her back time lost for those that had passed, and, most of all, how her disability and her mental struggles with it alongside the struggles her family face is something that I hadn't really fully found in other characters.

The fact that I was able to go to my therapist yesterday and explain to her how this character from this new video game I like had genuinely made me feel seen and heard and how she's been helping me process my complicated feelings about my current state is genuinely so odd since I had basically resigned myself that no one could really truly get where I'm coming from and that includes stories like this. There's always one or two factors that are missing or something that's not completely reflective of my own and although i love these characters too and they have been super helpful for me as well, none really parallel my own struggles as much as Alicia/Maelle does even if it's not a one-to-one copy of my own.

[xxplastic-cubexx]

*SCREAMS* WHAT?!??!? I DESPERATELY NEED THIS COMIC NOW!!!!! YAAAAAAY MAGS HAPPY WITH MAGDA AND ANYA IS THE BEST THING EVER!!!!!!

[Excalibur (2004) #6: "Who's Better, Who's Best!"]

here's the snippet specifically about mags' 'ideal prison' with magda and anya. this is the most that's included about them, but it's def a nice moment (context is that pirates come to the ruins of genosha with the intent to salvage whatever they can from the rubble and imprison mags and co in the process)

[dumbasswithapen]

can we just listen to Disabled people when they say what accommodations they need??? Like it really isn’t that hard to just take someone’s word on what is best for their own body! Whether it’s more or less or different than what you deem they need it really isn’t your place to say!!!

Sometimes, people need more than they show! Especially if they’re used to being in pain all the time, then they won’t always display that discomfort.

Sometimes the accommodations someone needs are different than what you assume. A friend who struggles with noise sensitivity may ask for you to turn on a different type of music, instead of turning it down, and if that is what they express they need you don’t have to say “oh no I can just turn it down!” and ignore them saying that that isn’t necessary because your idea of noise sensitivity is different than their own experiences and needs.

And sometimes people need less than you try to provide! Or simply don’t want that accommodation at the time! And here’s the crazy part: this applies even if what they say to do could hurt them. Obviously this isn’t a rule for every situation*, but for some it absolutely is. If your friend wants to tag along for, say, a hike, and they have joint pain it isn’t your place to add in “oh no but they can’t do [the hike]! They’ll be in pain! We have to do something else to accommodate them!” If that person expressed a desire to go, especially if offered other options prior that wouldn’t hurt them, let them live. Let them do the thing that puts them in pain, because Disabled people don’t always want to be shoved into a little box of safety. Absolutely sometimes they do, and some might always want to, but if they don’t, then let them make their own choices for their body. Just as anyone else does. You go out and get drunk, even if it gives you a hangover. You go skating even if you’re shit at it and scratch up your knees a bunch. Just because someone is Disabled doesn’t mean that they can’t do the same thing and do that fun thing that hurts them.

I don’t know if I’m displaying my point how I want, so here’s my own example: I am allergic to the cold. Anything below 60 degrees (f) I get hives. Any water cooler than a fucking warm shower I get hives. My joints don’t do great when it’s cold out. This does not mean that when I say I want to go swimming, you can say “oh but you can’t you’ll get hives!” Or “no you can’t do that you’ll be in pain!” Because. I know that. I know that. I know my Disability better than anyone else can, and I can ask for accommodations I need. I am not a child to be wrapped in bubble wrap so I don’t get hurt. My body is my body and I can do with it what I want, and face the consequences. Likewise, just because I said I wanted to go swimming doesn’t mean that when I don’t want to go out and muck around in the snow it is anyone’s right to say “oh but you wanted to swim earlier, so obviously it isn’t that bad for you!” Or “oh it’s fine it’s not that cold! Just wear a sweater!” Because at that time I need and want different accommodations and that should be listened to and considered accordingly, as far as it can be in that situation.

Seriously. Just listen to us. We are in our own bodies. We know ourselves. It really isn’t that hard

*a situation where this point would be null is, for example, a situation where the person has been peer pressured into doing something, or one where you know the person well and know that the endurance of pain is a self-harming behavior

[aldertreegroves]

✨ just a boy n their books ✨

[whattraintracks]

I kinda feel we didn’t much of raph and splinter’s relationship in 03 thoughts?

Hmm, I suppose that's fair. I've heard it said that 03 isn't a very character-driven story, and I agree we don't see as many character dynamics or arcs explored as we could have.

Below the cut are the pieces of Raph and Splinter's relationship I've pieced together for myself.

Splinter's bio on Raph in Tales from the Sewer presents this interesting duality in Splinter's perception of him. He's a difficult child but just a kid. He trains the most but he's a difficult student. He makes poor decisions but Splinter has the utmost faith in his abilities. As both father and teacher, Splinter sometimes struggles to approach his sons and their needs in the appropriate role, especially when it comes to Raph.

For example, his hands-off approach to Raph's rage, or what I usually think of as emotional dysregulation (either as a product of neurodivergence or his young age). When Raph nearly maims Mikey during a rage attack/dissociative episode (see S1E4 "Meet Casey Jones") Splinter doesn't try to stop Raph or separate him and Mikey, although he very well could have. He doesn't step in until after Leo and Donny have broken up the fight. Despite addressing Raph parentally, he comes at the issue like a teacher offering those ninja master-esque nuggets of wisdom about rage being a monster and a true warrior is balanced in all things. I think he wants to come across sympathetically (gentle voice, physical contact, calling Raph "my son") but there is a sense of disappointment and unmet expectations in what he says.

In the aforementioned bio, Splinter notes that of all the turtles, Raph trains the longest and hardest. He likely equates length of training with dedication to ninjutsu and assumes that because Raph exhibits these things he should be something he isn't: more disciplined less angry. Perhaps he compares Raph to Leo who apparently trains less but fits Splinter's prototype of a good ninja. Speaking of Leo, later in the same episode we see Splinter chastise Mikey and Donny for interrupting Leo's practice and tell Leo to keep practicing his split kick without offering any advice on how to get it right.

We see this idea directed to Raph in Splinter's comment about a true warrior finding balance in all things. It's not particularly informative. This is his version of telling Raph to keep practicing but it's not what Raph needs at this moment, hot off such an overwhelming experience. So instead of reading this as the patient, parental advice I think Splinter intends it to be, Raph's body language screams chastised. He doesn't meet Splinter's eyes and he runs away. Raph (like all of the brothers) wants Splinter's approval and he's devastated to have fallen short in this instance. Then Splinter doesn't let Mikey follow after Raph. And yeah, Raph likely needed that space but it's this hands-off approach, again. Another example comes from the one of Raph's diary entries in the Raphael: Collector Book. He talks about Splinter assigning him more meditation exercises to help him control his emotions and temper. Perhaps training, space, meditation, and nuggets of wisdom are effective tools for Splinter to self-regulate his emotions, but Splinter is also an adult. Raph needs more guidance and practical advice at this point in his life that Splinter isn't providing. The tools aren't enough, he needs to be taught how to use them.

So. Raph responds in a couple ways to Splinter's hands-off, more-teacher-than-father approach. The first is to train harder, and longer, and learn everything he can about ninjutsu. If Master Splinter says becoming a true warrior will help him find emotional balance then he's going to try his hardest to become one. When he meets Casey, he shares with him verbatim the true warrior line but confesses to Casey he's not sure how hot-heads like them are supposed to do that. He still takes the advice to heart even if it's not helpful or he doesn't understand it because he wants to please and obey his father. The collector's book shows us that Raph has taken the time to learn aspects of ninjutsu that are confusing, uninteresting, and even inaccessible to him. This book contains a lot of technical information about ninjutsu techniques and teachings. It presents Raph as even more of ninja nerd than Leo! Some of this stuff appeals to his interests, for sure; the different punching techniques for instance. Some of it, he seems to have only learned to gain Splinter's approval. He has a detailed spread on hand signs that he explicitly finds too mystical and confusing, claims it took forever to learn, and he can't even use it as a three-fingered being, but he hopes Splinter will be impressed with him.

Second, he goes behind Splinter's back. If there's something he wants or needs and he thinks Splinter won't approve of it, he'll take it for himself. Such as going to the surface when he needs space or bringing his brothers to the surface when he thinks there's something important they need to do. This feels, to me, like access thievery, which is the concept (typically applied to disabled/neurodivergent folks) of taking what one needs (time, space, resources) without asking for permission or waiting to be offered it (because you likely won't be). Again in the collector's book, Raph exhibits an awareness of his faults and a self-compassionate recognition that he's just a teen. Splinter know this too but has shown that he can't always offer what Raph needs or won't give him it in some cases (forbids them from going to the surface). So Raph has developed a willingness to take what he needs for himself and sneak around Splinter to avoid the disapproval he fears.

All that aside, I think they're very similar in their fierce love and devotion to family and the ways it can drive them to anger, fear, hatred, and vengeance. There are traits Raph inherited from Splinter they bond over, too. They're both competitive. The Battle Nexus Tournament isn't their thing but we see them playing pokey in "Dragons Rising." I love the idea that they play a lot of games together! They have a similar sense of humility. They know they're skilled but they're more likely hang back and play support while their other family members take the spotlight than boast. Unless it's really personal, then they'll take over, like how Splinter's quest for vengeance guides them in Exodus and Raph's desire to help Casey leads the brothers to sneak out with him in "Meet Casey Jones." I think, they have a similar sense of humor, too. Raph has this silly line in the collector's book about Splinter being proud he used his head, that is, like a battering ram, and you cannot tell me Splinter wouldn't chuckle at that.

[aroaceleovaldez]

they cast a 28 year old for Tyson 💀

[relevant rants: here and here]

yeah, i saw - i wasn't holding onto hope of them casting a disabled actor for Tyson (still disappointed, just not surprised) but casting a 28 year old for a middle schooler is really out of left field. It's just an odd choice? Particularly given how much they've been emphasizing age-accurate casting so far.

It makes me really wonder what major rewrites they have planned for Tyson's character. Because as things stand currently there's no way to make Tyson's existing character work with this casting. Tyson is supposed to be in Percy's grade, but Daniel Diemer sticks out like a sore thumb against the child actors. Tyson being in Percy's grade is pretty important for the entire arc of Sea of Monsters with the main character arc being Percy combating internalized ableism and establishing him as a character who stands up for other marginalized kids. If they remove that, what's Percy's arc going to be for that entire season? At what point are they going to establish that about his character? Or are they just going to exposition it at us like usual with nothing backing it up and no actual character progression? And in later seasons the age gap is only going to be more prominent - like how is Tyson going to work in BoTL or TLO? Are they planning on removing his character entirely for those scenes? Are they going to remove him as a recurring character in general? It'd be really weird if they killed him off or something.

I'm also afraid for if they do try to keep Tyson's disability coding in some form - cause there's kind of no good way it can go at this point. Either they completely erase Tyson's coding because they cast an abled actor for him and that messes up the entire arc of the book and his character particularly in relation to Percy, or they have an abled actor attempt to portray a character heavily coded as having down syndrome (and i believe they're already doing similar with iirc Chiron's actor is abled but they're doubling-down in the show on Chiron being disabled) and given how they've written the neurodivergence themes (or absence there of) in the show so far there's just no way that'd end well. Like, Tyson's characterization is a little questionable to begin with in the books, but given the show's writing so far it just feels like we're very rapidly ramping up for an extremely ableist characterization of Tyson. Like i'm sure Daniel Diemer is a great actor, but... i'm just getting real tired of the show erasing the entire premise of the series :T

anyways as per my initial post about pjo tv tyson casting theories i guess it's time for me to start tearing stuff apart with my teeth ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[loverboy-havocboy]

there's something so bittersweet about finding out you're autistic and that autistic people have trouble maintaining friendships long term. one one hand you're like oh! maybe there isn't something uniquely horrible about me! lots of people like me struggle with this! but then you realize that if it's not you, it's not in your power to fix

[lil-gremlin-gal]

NaClYoHo Day 16!

remembered to call the doctor and did that

emailed my other doctor

unloaded and reloaded dishwasher

cleaned the other side of the shower (yay!)

decluttered the kitchen crazy cupboard (where random large items go and where I store my clean and empty plastic containers for reuse)

took donations from the drawer and the crazy cupboard to the thrift store

while at the thrift store, found a real actual shower stool that was $6 and still in the box it came in - I've been using a plastic footstool so I ABSOLUTELY took the new stool home

assembled the new stool

did 1 round seasoning the new pan (combined effort with husbff)

did some dusting while on the phone with my dad