#don't let me see them part that way

[innerchorus]

Arslan Senki Chapter 138 (Part 2)

Figured I better say whatever else I have to say before the next chapter comes out later this week. I thought I had a half-written post in my drafts but either Tumblr ate it or I hallucinated it so hopefully I don't forget anything I wanted to include. I already discussed elements of this chapter here and here, but there's some parts that didn't fit into those posts.

Let's start with Hilmes shedding his cloak. A moment in which he suddenly became even more attractive. Okay I'm sorry I'm here for actual analysis I swear.

This is the chapter in which for the first time, he acknowledges the truth of his parentage and abandons his long-held claim to the throne. It feels significant to me that here he is very literally casting aside the cloak he was wearing during his attempted coronation.

Ironically, the room in which Team Hilmes have been waiting seems to be the throne room itself, complete with the damaged throne and big banner of Kaykhusraw. His bloodline, staring him in the face. His loss against Arslan still fresh in his memory. This is the setting in which Hilmes finally moves past his need for the throne. No matter what happens from here, it's hard to imagine him actively aiming for it again. The throne of Maryam would be okay, though.

(Well, okay, I guess if Arslan died then things would change but I honestly can't see Arakawa going there for the ending.)

(and it was at this point that I realised my draft post was not saved on Tumblr but in fact in a notepad file so let me go and consult that for what else I was planning on mentioning!)

Supremely fucked up that, having been informed that his actions were based on a lie, undead Kharlan's solution is to kill Hilmes, kill his own son, and then die again himself? Very fucked up, but if, post-Atropatene, Kharlan had survived long enough to discover that Hilmes wasn't the rightful heir after all, I could see him killing himself due to the shame.

Kharlan's pride as a Marzban of Pars is why the insults he endured from the Lusitanians were so hard to bear, and it's also why it doesn't surprise me that he seeks to 'take responsibiity' because it feels like his pride demands it of him. He was wrong, and he seeks to correct that, no matter the cost. And again, it's all based on his loyalty to the royal line, the very same thing that caused him to betray his country in the first place. The undead warriors really are warped versions of their living selves, after all.

Yet while I said I could see him killing himself if he'd lived long enough to find out the truth, I can't see him killing Zandeh too. I just can't believe that he'd raise a weapon to his son like this if he had full control of himself. You can see it's tearing him apart inside.

AND if you look at their combat, I think part of him is desperately holding himself back. He hits Zandeh with the butt of his spear not once, but THREE TIMES (twice after he's already disarmed him). He doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to kill his son, and although the sorcery that holds his body and soul together will not allow him to stop attacking, he's clearly trying to avoid landing a fatal blow for as long as possible. Makes me wonder whether that strike to Zandeh's gorget in their initial clash was a similar sort of thing.

Just thinking about how undead Kharlan is yet another person who wants to kill Hilmes simply for the circumstances of his birth, and I hate that (while also acknowledging that this is no less than Hilmes wished to do to Arslan.)

Zandeh really did answer Kharlan’s question about why he’s still wielding his sword for Hilmes with “because I love him”, didn’t he?

With those moments he mentions, presented visually as flashbacks, we're seeing Hilmes through Zandeh's eyes. And Hilmes is seeing himself through Zandeh's eyes. Zandeh's answer is one of absolute honesty. Hilmes recognised Zandeh's devotion early on, but now he sees the full strength of it, and knows that it goes beyond his bloodline or his claim to the throne.

I've been thinking a lot about the expression on Hilmes's face after Zandeh's speech is over. It's like a look of regret and sorrow, and I think it's not only sympathy for Zandeh having to face his father like this, but also for the fact that a man like this ended up serving someone like him.

We know Hilmes ties his worth to getting the throne (remember him saying that he couldn't face Irina before then?). If he's not only lost in the attempt to do so but truthfully never had the right to it in the first place, I can very much see him not feeling worthy of having someone as loyal and devoted as Zandeh follow him. I think that's what's going on here, and it forms part of the reasoning behind his attempt to send Zandeh away.

He doesn't just instruct him to leave the room. If he simply wanted to spare him from the sight of Kharlan's severed head, that would have been enough.

This part had me reeling, because it's Hilmes acknowedging Arslan's calibre. He knows that Arslan will show understanding where he wouldn't have. He knows Zandeh will be treated well. He knows Arslan is worthy of having such a loyal subject while he no longer feels like he deserves someone like that. He knows Arslan will make a good king.

I think I recall @importantdestinydefendor being really worried Hilmes was going to die in this chapter, and while as a reader I didn't personally feel that it was going to happen, what I will say is that I think it's obvious Hilmes himself was preparing to die. That whole 'give Irina a message from me' thing? Sending Zandeh away to serve someone else? Perhaps he was trying to reconcile his 'cursed' bloodline by bringing it to an end (I joked that what he said to Irina about the Parsian royal line's mythology before was essentially 'wanna continue the royal line with me?' so when he references it here it's clear that he believes the line is going to end with him), or perhaps he feels his life has no point now except this act. At the very least, it's an acknowledgement that he's prepared to give his life to defeat Kharlan.

However, thankfully he's not allowed to do that, because Sam arrives at precisely the right time, and I think this'll give Hilmes a chance to find something he wants to live for that's not the throne of Pars. I do, however, think it dramatically increases the chances that Sam will die.

A Japanese fan said that this scene where Hilmes brushes the blood away from his mouth is really hot, and I don't disagree.

Yet while it's been nice to cheer Hilmes on in his actions again, I do hope he can move past this whole 'cursed blood' thing. It's like he's gone from 'my blood means I'm the rightful king and everyone should kneel for me' to 'my blood is cursed so I'm giving up everything and the only thing I'm good for is doing dirty work like this'. I'm just... worried that while him internalising and embracing his cursed blood here allows him to step in and take over from Zandeh, it speaks to a very negative view of himself that will persist beyond this scene.

This is why I need it to be revealed that not only does Zandeh not care about that, but SAM ALREADY KNEW. He already knew and STILL he stayed by Hilmes's side, still he came back to his side even now. And it goes without saying that Irina doesn't care whether he becomes king or not, so hopefully we'll get a scene where Hilmes finally fucking understand and accepts that, too.

Anyway yeah, I’m pretty much expecting Sam to bite the dust next chapter now. I mean, aside from the long talk that they never got to have, his unfinished business is essentially that he didn’t die when he fought Kharlan before.

Sam and Zandeh both sustained shoulder wounds, but Sam's is bleeding more profusely. Actually, his wounds are starting to echo those he sustained during the fall of Ecbatana. I've been rolling that around in my brain a lot, too.

Next chapter should be interesting, I imagine Team Hilmes are going to hear that Zahhak's back and hopefully that will pave the way for a future teamup with Team Arslan.

I do wonder whether we'll see any more sorcerers around, though. Sam's already recently killed one but there are more still to be dealt with, one of then being Ghundi, the one who Sam fought before when he was impersonating Husrab, and the one who very likely stole Kharlan's head. If any of them are nearby right now, it's likely to be him.

[uncanny-tranny]

Part of the reason I'm so amused when people think trans people are ultra-sensitive is remembering that when I was in middle school (thirteen at the oldest), I was out as trans, and the school administration called me into their office to tell me one of my teachers was "uncomfortable" with how trans I was. What was the thing I did to be "too trans"? Just saying I'm a boy. Literally that was too much for him and he needed the administration to tell me personally that he was offended.

If that's what a calm, rational person looks like... I think I'll settle with being the insane guy. You couldn't pay me any amount of money to be offended at a child for who they are. And if you're an adult who is like that, I mean this from the bottom of my heart, but you're a loser.

[gamingscreenshotsdump]

MASS EFFECT || Jane Shepard and Garrus Vakarian

" The Dance "

[owlheartt]

Something I really like about timebomb is that Ekko actually knows what he's getting into.

I'm not really seeing it get talked about but in season 1 they mention that Ekko and the firelights help people addicted to shimmer get off it and lead more fulfilling lives within the community. I should probably rewatch the scene for the exact wording (might be misremembering tbh) but that comment implies A LOT.

First: Ekko's mission is helping people where he can, he would probably try and help Jinx even if he wasn't in love with her

Second: He has experience dealing with severe mental illness as that often goes hand in hand with drug abuse, namely depression/suicidal ideation like what Jinx was exhibiting

Third: He's probably mapped out best course of action FOR dealing with this and has already figured out his own limits/boundaries. Meaning he knew what he was getting into trying to talk Jinx out of suicide, and was thus more equipped to deal with the aftermath

Fourth: He's probably helped ex members of Silco's gang. The firelights seem to have a theme of healing and repairing and recovering, so they've probably also learned to forgive. If they're mission is to rebuild the lanes into a safe space, they can't exclude people they don't like, they have to make room for them. I think they fought Silco out of necessity, and I doubt Jinx would be the first person they help who's killed one of them.

These all might be a bit of a stretch but I think it really fits. Beyond that, it shows that Ekko can ACTUALLY help Jinx. As much as unconditional love can do, Ekko has the tools for Jinx's recovery and a path ready for her. He also probably knows that her "healthy" will look different from AU Powder's "healthy." On top of that, I expect he knows how to respect her even in the middle of psychotic breaks and won't agitate her already frail mental state

[frogshipping]

You ever start having romantic thoughts about a character, and then they're like "Oh boy I'm about to become an f/o!"

[sysig]

Do not separate them /threatening (Patreon)

[thatswhatsushesaid]

well here's a new take on the wwx-wlj-wc sexual violence sequence at the wen supervisory office that i haven't encountered before: apparently some people over on the mdzs subreddit genuinely think it wasn't even wlj who [redacted because yikes] to wc. because we clearly can't use context clues, or our brains, to make the connection between "his woman" and the only named woman character who spends any amount of time with him in the text. aka wlj.

also apparently even if he did do the thing to wlj and made her [do the other thing] to wc, she had it coming, so we shouldn't care about anything that wwx does to her, or forces her to do.

anyway this fandom is the tar pit.

[camellcat]

y'all everything is actually sooooo fucked up. I forgot how goddamn cute xandelia are in s2. their preferred language is snarking at each other but they're so physically affectionate. xander just wants to openly love on her and cordelia can't quite say it but she shows her love in all of her actions rather than so much her words. I'm like genuinely kind of upset knowing the shit xillow pull cause wtf do you mean these two break up 😟😟😟

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

Horizon - The Aftermath MIRA’S MORE CANON ME2 When you died? It tore me apart. It was like losing a limb. Mass Effect 2: Legendary Edition

[torchstelechos]

People be like, how you doing? And I'm like, Loop is never going to see their family again.

[angelsdean]

don't know how people multi-fandom. dipped my toe into another one and immediately backed out bc everyone there was insufferable.

[deoidesign]

please please please please please please please let me tell you about this comic I want to make it so bad please I can not wait I am losing it

If I don't make the comic then I'm not going to make it... I need other people to see what is in my brain so I'm not the only one going feral over them

[ruvviks]

// oc deep dive.

tagged by; @aztarion and @devilbrakers, thank you so much!!

tagging; @mojaves, @deadrlngers, @ordinarymaine, @claudiawolf, @adelaidedrubman and YOU!

What common/uncommon fear do they have?

Nathan has a lot of fears stemming from his paranoia. Tangible ones such as getting captured or killed by MOBIUS, his friends walking away from him, or someone following him home; as well as more unrealistic ones, such as somehow ending up back in STEM, or getting stuck in a time loop, or a giant sinkhole all the way to the core of the earth opening up right at his feet.

It also happens often enough that certain actions don’t necessarily scare him, but make him uncomfortable or highly on edge (often with good reason); think of someone locking the door of the room he’s in– especially when it’s just them two– or getting too close without warning. He often fears people he gets too close to will end up treating him like the Administrator did, which is why it takes a while for him to let Sebastian get any closer physically, despite warming up to him relatively fast.

A more uncommon fear he has is waking up one morning and having lost one of his senses or his ability to speak. Aside from the mental erosion that had become a growing issue among Union citizens, MOBIUS observed a similar kind of process in its agents who regularly jumped in and out of STEM for general maintenance and the like– presumably caused by the constant changes in brain activity, which more than often led to exactly what Nathan’s fear mentioned above describes. While he was among the agents who worked both in and outside of STEM on the Union environment, he was lucky enough to never suffer the consequences.

Lastly, he is deadly afraid of Anima. Despite not having shown any other symptom of succumbing to the STEM domination process, Nathan would have started seeing her around sometime before Lily vanished– presumably got her attention after some of his escapades in the secret labs in the Marrow– and he has not been able to sleep soundly in STEM ever since. While his fear of her mostly acts up when he’s in a STEM environment, it definitely translates over to the real world as well; during bad mental health episodes he has auditory hallucinations of her, and she makes regular appearances in his nightmares too.

Do they have any pet peeves?

When people are too passive. Nathan can’t stand it when he’s expected to initiate everything, from conversations to taking action, both in a work context (scheduling meetings, deploying new code) as well as personal context (scheduling to hang out, doing household chores). He also doesn’t like having to constantly ask people to do what they’re supposed to do– though this irritation more than often extends a little too far, to things he is expecting of people but never told them about.

Loud and unexpected noises, especially when done on purpose. Fireworks would be a great example of this, and they piss Nathan off no end. He gets snippy when people raise their voice at him for no reason, or when they keep banging their fist on a surface to get others’ attention.

Getting cut off in traffic. Nathan’s road rage is easily awakened and he can get a little drastic with it. His reflexes are fast enough to brake on time to avoid ending up in someone’s trunk, but will in that same breath speed right back up to crash into them on purpose as revenge for pissing him off.

What are three items you can find in their bedroom?

A large ring binder full of old code snippets, notes from various projects he worked on back at MOBIUS, and all his research ranging from neuroscience all the way to electrical engineering. Nathan is a little old-school in that regard– he’d much rather have all his research physically with him than save it all to some online storage platform and risk losing it like that.

A jigsaw puzzle, made entirely out of different pieces that he’s collected over the years (stolen from others’ puzzles, found in various locations, stolen directly from the store, etc). The full piece would total up to nearly 2000 pieces, though it is still missing a large chunk in the center; the result is an abstract piece containing mostly darker colors, though with various bursts of color scattered around like flowers in a field. Nathan isn’t the artistic type, but the project keeps him busy and he considers it a type of self-expression.

The knife he killed his parents with when he was sixteen years old. He’s not entirely sure why he kept it all those years– perhaps to remind himself what got him to where he is now, or because it’s the only thing he still has from that time of his life. Either way, it’s kept safe in the top drawer of his nightstand, easy enough to reach in case someone breaks into his apartment.

What do they notice first in a person?

First: State of mind, overall mood. How approachable do they look; can he afford to lower his guard or does he need to tread with caution, can he get close without worrying about a knife to the stomach or should he keep his distance? Nathan rarely shows immediate interest in someone’s overall personality, he would rather want to know which of their emotions he’s gonna have to deal with during their interaction(s).

Second: Body language. Ties in with the first thing mentioned– cautiously watching for threats, waiting to see if they make a move to touch (or harm) him so he can step out of their range. But it also extends a little further; Nathan tends to mimic others’ body language in conversation to make himself appear more approachable. If someone gestures a lot, he will do the same.

Third: Their smile, if relevant. Smiling is an eye-catching action to him, since he’s not one to quickly do so himself. It’s attractive to him; if someone smiles at him, you’ll be able to catch him staring.

Fourth: Scars, and other (skin) details. Nathan isn’t one to ask about them, of course– but they’ll catch his attention anyway, for a brief moment, since some of them already tell a story on their own even without words.

Fifth: Nervous tics, if relevant. By this point he’s been in conversation long enough to pick up on the little details– a slight thrill or shakiness to their voice, a thumb running over the side of their index finger, a nose twitch. In some cases it eases his mind, knowing the other person isn’t confident in their conversation either; in other cases it sets off alarms in his mind, and makes him wonder if there’s more going on than what they’re showing or telling him.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance?

Physically: 7. While he doesn’t quite look like it, Nathan can take a hit or two. Most of his injuries happen in STEM– though with the way the technology works, the pain is very much real, and in some cases the scars are lasting even in the real world despite the damage having been sustained in STEM. To an extent, Nathan even enjoys the pain; it’s grounding for him, and keeps him from dissociating. When it gets too much to handle he simply drinks it away.

Mentally: 10. Nathan’s life has been a constant downward spiral; sent to a youth detention center after being wrongfully accused of killing his younger sister, and he was bullied relentlessly there, which continued until long after his release both at school and at home. At MOBIUS, he was required to work shifts in their HQ as well as in the Marrow, in the Union STEM environment– he was required to be mentally strong, or he would have already started suffering from mental erosion by long-term STEM exposure after his first few trips in. It takes a lot to break him (or so he likes to believe).

Emotionally: 4. Once you get past all the barriers, Nathan is pretty sensitive. He doesn’t deal well with rejection or misunderstanding, and is prone to assuming things are all his fault the second something goes wrong. It’s easy to upset him, though he won’t easily show; but the damage often takes a while to repair.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? (Or freeze or fawn?)

Fight, more than often; though it may appear as flight at first, since Nathan’s favored combat approach is stealth and he will always find cover before doing anything rash. In certain cases, however, he would be more likely to freeze; especially anything related to Anima or an enemy type like her, where fighting is out of the question, and he knows that a single wrong move can mean his demise.

It translates to non-combat situations too– often willing to talk to people but his initial response is to get defensive and close himself off, and if not given a moment to regain himself it can lead to either fighting or freezing; biting back with similar ferocity or shutting down altogether, unable to pick up his rational train of thought in the heat of the moment.

It really depends on the type of confrontation, though; taking his own state of mind and who else is involved into consideration. He’s known to fawn when a situation starts feeling a little too familiar– generally surrounding the abuse he suffered from partially his parents, but mostly the Administrator.

What animal represents them best?

Wolf; bordering on dog motif, but cautiously so, requiring infinite patience and understanding to win his trust. Nathan is loyal and guarding to those he cares about, but he values his freedom– his choices and decisions are his and his alone, and anyone who tries to take that away from him will suffer the necessary consequences.

How would a stranger likely describe them?

Curious, above anything else. Distant, reserved; surprisingly well-spoken, almost technical in his interactions with others as if the whole conversation is pre-programmed in his mind. Nathan isn’t necessarily cold towards others, but people would also not be quick to describe him as kind; though there is a certain warmth to the way he speaks and looks at people, despite the fact he very rarely smiles and isn’t one to quickly compliment someone else.

Appearance-wise, people tend to notice the white strands in his black hair first. They’re clustered at the front of his head, and match with the white hairs in his left eyebrow and the white eyelashes in the outer corner of his left eye. Nathan has very pale and rough skin, patchy but dark facial hair covering up most of his acne (/scarring); and part of the skin around his left eyebrow is lacking pigment, though it’s a little hard to see. He has very pale and bright blue eyes, which can be a little unnerving when staring at them for too long. Many people cannot maintain eye contact with him for very long.

Do they have any hobbies?

Nathan’s career is directly intertwined with his hobbies, and he enjoys working on code even long after cutting ties with MOBIUS. Software development, application optimization– his laptop runs on an operating system that he coded entirely himself, and whenever he has some time to spare he can be found tweaking and optimizing it and adding new features.

To no one’s surprise, he’s a gamer. Shooters, roguelikes, survival horror– he does not play all too often as his schedule often doesn’t allow for it, but he generally doesn’t have a hard time playing on higher difficulties and enjoys the challenge. Nathan has tried his hand at game design and development too, but stopped quickly when he found it too similar to developing the Union environment in STEM.

And last, surprisingly, would be writing. Journaling, some sort of attempt at poetry, or articles he would want to send in to some website or appropriate magazine but never does– a lot of Nathan’s writing is for his eyes alone, but it helps as an outlet, it keeps him grounded. For a while after leaving MOBIUS, he worked on writing tech manuals for various employers to earn some extra cash, which also ties directly into his interests.

[kalosian-woods]

Clemont is just really funny in general i think. he's just like that, realistically theres so much to unpack about him;

he made an entire invention where he spoke to the mayor and was spread out across the town of the uni he was in which he got in at the age of maybe like 8.

he's a gym leader. he lost his gym to his invention,

there was the slightest chance he could've been mind controlled.

his bag is a bag of holding

he can't run

his entire mental state is the way it is because of a single mistake that wasn't even his fault

There's so much to unpack about him and the creators were like; "yeah anyways!"

okay but seriously, i think we as a fandom neglect the fact that if it wasn't for Clemont's anxious(???) paranoid(???) quick thinking(???) overly prepared(???) he probably he would've gotten mind controlled. like what was up with that.

-⚡(you can call me clem anon! its also just really funny and the fact that i've so far only exclusively talked about him makes it even funnier. electric anon is okay too !)

Clemont is his own bag of holding lol, there really is SO MUCH with him and I'm shaking you on the shoulders rn clem nonnie. Please. How is it possible that there is so much to him as it is. I need to study him under a microscope.

With the first point, that always made me laugh in a way lol. Him at the age of possibly eight created a power source slash Electric Pokemon recharger for a whole town/city. The mayor has noticed his efforts. This is before he is a Gym Leader, and this is the place where he made the promise to Shinx (a promise that he broke, not by any fault of his own, but by the very thing that brought them together in the first place).

The way he actually just straight up lived in Prism Tower, or at least that's how it felt, along with Bonnie. Their father is in the same city with a house but they won't bother with that and he doesn't bother them until they are MIA for at the very least a few weeks if not months. His reasoning for being a Gym Leader is to wield Electric Types from every region and become an Electric-Type Trainer that the world has never seen. The fact that he can be this ambitious with battling gets me (and also his learning from school carrying over c':)

His bag is also a mechanical marvel (not Volcanion, sorry). His Aipom Arm has only malfunctioned once (1 time), and he's easily able to lift Bonnie into the air with it. Also we never see this beyond the first ep but it has an inflatable airbag??? That is actually safe and comfortable to land on even with the everything in his bag as it is.

Even after the whole series and after everything they've ever went through, he still cannot run. Only one time he has ever sprinted ahead (in this realm/dimension) and that was to get to a festival about Zapdos of all Pokemon (and maybe that inventing fair as well??). No one comments on it beyond that one moment. He's also tried to make shoes to help him go up hills quicker but he never tried that one again lol (he forgot he even had it until Serena mentions the monorail, in which also, wow. this gang i swear).

That's actually one of the saddest parts (and something I can totally relate with). The way that we see him so happy and open with Shinx beforehand, ready to learn and be hands on and playing outside even with all the work that he had. And then we hear about how he lost his Gym, how his Pokemon disregard his words and his invention doesn't see him as worthy or strong enough, and it really is him just living out a nightmare of his own making in a way. His fear from back then keeps haunting him with the mistakes that he makes now, and even after meeting with Luxio again you can see the way he just... accepts that he's no longer wanted or forgiven. He's fine with it. He rather everyone have a better life than he does. Just,, he needs a hug. Lots of them.

HELP PLS you've said exactly what I've been thinking off this whole time!! Geez, I thought I was alone in thinking that we brush off whatever happened to Clemont in 'The Needs of Many!' like I get that we lose Greninja, but hello? He got straight-up kidnapped right in front of our eyes! He was going to be made into a superhuman (which has some very very worrying connotations beyond what is already happening). He too was blasted by the Mega Evo Energy, and even if he did resist the mind control, there's got to be other effects as well. If his friends weren't OP and reckless as they were he would've actually been carted away to who knows where and it would've been a matter of time until his preventive measures were found out. And the way he already had a counter against it, against the beam specifically (and for it to be able to work without any issues) is also so sad and worrying in a way?? It's definitely paranoia to me, it was very specific (more than usual, anyways), small enough to hide and easy enough for him to grab. Poor boy :(( I need to just sit down and think every time I remember this is an ep that exists because they just went ham with it, didn't they??

[sn0wbat]

well what family doesn't keep a secret vampire family member hidden deep in in the basement /s

EDIT: Rest of the comic is now under the cut!

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BONUS:

[musesforthedamned]