#emotionally Ive been a little here and there... and I feel like ive lost a great deal of my optimism

[mikuyuuss]

Unni! Dropping in with some questions for Akari~! Hopefully it's not too many.

💤, 📿, 🌊, 📜, and 🎱?

Final note, I hope you're doing well and life is being kind to you!

These questions are all so interesting I needed to some time to think about them!

💤 How do they sleep, curled up? or holding on to something?

I feel she is 90% a side sleeper, perfect for holding on to something, can be a stuffed animal or if in modern setting, a body pillow? jk. She and Giyuu cuddle a lot in their sleep once they got married, but after Akari adopts a dog, it's basically this meme.

📿 What superstition/ritual do they cling to

Akari's not overly superstitious but I think she can be quite particular about feng shui. It's important to her that her studio needs to have good feng shui or else it feels off and she will have a hard time concentrating.

I actually planned to draw Akari's workspace in the headquarters for some time, but I haven't gotten around to it partly bc I'm just really lazy when it comes to drawing backgrounds with a lot of perspective, but now I think I'll have to keep feng shui in mind If I ever get around to it.

📜 Is there a story they love sharing with others?

It's very mundane really, but Akari loves to tell stories about how she comes up with her designs. When she's really in the zone (usually reserved for close friends) she can get chatty about she came up with the design for her sword and how she gave it a fun quirky name based on her favorite kibyoshi (early form of manga) that she's read. Basically the taisho equivalent of Akari going ooh look at this sword I named after my fav manga ☺️

Naming your sword is actually a Bleach reference by me, so rip Akari, you would have loved Bleach.

🎱 What kind of future and who's in it.

Akari has a lot of dreams but at the same time, she's also someone who tries to live in the present, but ofc, Akari still fights because she hopes for a future that is free from demons so she could fulfill those dreams to the fullest. She dreams of being able to fully establish her own boutique alongside Giyuu and Mitsuri and all the other people she met during her time in the corps. Since we know how the story ends... Of course we know that not all of them made it out alive which leads us to...

🌊 When was the last time they cried

Probably set after the manga. It all started piling up, first it's Mitsuri's death and how she will never be there to witness when Akari finally established her own boutique. It pains her so much that her best friend whos been supportive of her dream will never see it, and how the people in the corps that died, like Shinobu and Kyo will never see that Akari made designs in memory of all of them.

Then the tipping point was Giyuu's eventual death. Their marriage was sadly short lived when Giyuu eventually succumbed to the mark. I have this scene on my head where Akari confides to Uzui about how she regrets that Giyuu wasn't able to spend more time with them, and that he will never see their kids grow into fine adults, and in my head that will be the last time we see Akari cry in my story.

Sooooo that's why I draw so much self indulgent Giyuu Akari Mitsuri shenanigans in my modern au! 😃👍🏻

[ari-ana-bel-la]

Answered Calls

Part 2 to this: Unanswered Calls

The sterile beeping of the hospital monitor echoed softly through the whitewashed room, in rhythm with the faint thrum of rain tapping against the window. The IV dripped slowly into her arm, and even though she’d just woken up, Yn felt so heavy. Everything ached — her head, her ribs, even her eyelids. The bright hospital lights buzzed above, and she blinked against the sharp white, her vision blurry, her chest tight.

“Yn?” a soft voice came from her right. Her mother’s voice.

She turned her head slowly, every movement screaming in protest, and saw her parents sitting on either side of the hospital bed. Max’s face was pale, his blue eyes rimmed red. Kelly was holding her hand gently, tears slipping down her cheeks as though they had never stopped.

“Oh my god,” Kelly whispered, choking on a sob as she leaned over to press her lips to Yn’s forehead. “You’re awake. You’re okay. Thank god, thank god.”

Max followed suit, his arms wrapping tightly around her, trembling. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he said in a hoarse voice, pressing a shaky kiss into her hair. “I should’ve answered. We should’ve been here sooner. I’m so, so sorry.”

Yn blinked at them, feeling like she was underwater. It hurt, emotionally, more than anything else. But she was used to that ache, the one of always being second — no, third now — to her sisters. She didn’t want to add guilt to the pile her parents clearly already carried.

So she smiled faintly, her voice barely more than a breath.

“It’s okay,” she said. “I’m fine now.”

“No, it’s not okay,” Max said fiercely, pulling back to look at her. “We weren’t there for you when you needed us most. That’s not okay, Yn. I—” His voice cracked. “I thought we lost you.”

Kelly brushed Yn’s hair gently back from her forehead. “You’ve always been so responsible. So independent. We… we thought you didn’t need us as much anymore.”

“I didn’t want to be a burden,” Yn murmured, her voice fragile. “You’re always so busy with Lily and P. I didn’t want to make things harder.”

That broke something in all three of them. Kelly covered her mouth with her hand, tears falling faster. Max turned away briefly, hiding his face in his palm. And from the wall, Daniel stirred.

He had been silent the entire time, arms crossed tightly across his chest, his jaw clenched so hard it looked like it might crack. Now, he stepped forward slowly, his eyes locked on Yn. He didn’t say anything at first — he just leaned down and wrapped his arms around her, cradling her gently but firmly, like she was something infinitely precious.

“You’re not a burden, bub,” he whispered into her ear. “Not ever. And we’re gonna talk about that later. I promise.”

Yn nodded against his shoulder, too tired to respond, but comforted by the warmth in his voice, the quiet strength in his presence. He’d always been there. Since she was little, Daniel had always made time — even when her parents couldn’t. Ballet recitals, school events, birthdays — he was never late.

Her parents stayed by her side, murmuring apologies and reassurances until the hours passed like fog. The sun had set behind the hospital window, casting long shadows into the room. The overhead lights had been dimmed. Yn dozed, waking now and then to sips of water and a gentle hand stroking her hair.

And then Kelly’s phone rang.

She answered in a whisper, turning away from the bed slightly. Daniel noticed immediately — the way her shoulders tensed, how her hand came up to rub her temple.

“Hi,” Kelly said softly. “Is everything okay?”

There was a pause, then the volume on her end rose slightly. “What? She did what? Again?”

Another pause. Kelly sighed, exasperated. “Okay, okay, we’re coming.”

Max, who had been adjusting the blanket around Yn, looked up sharply. “What’s going on?”

Kelly turned around with a tight, apologetic smile. “The sitter. P’s been impossible all day. She threw her dinner, tried to cut Lily’s hair, and now she’s screaming because she wants us.”

Max sighed, rubbing his temples. “Of course.”

Yn had watched the entire conversation in silence. She could already see it — the look in their eyes. That pull. The need to be somewhere else. To fix something else.

“Go,” she said softly.

Max and Kelly looked at her like she’d grown another head. “No,” Kelly said. “No way. We’re staying.”

“I’m fine,” Yn said again. She even added a smile this time, though it felt cracked. “I’m okay. They need you.”

“You need us too,” Max said, kneeling beside her bed. “We’re not leaving you again.”

But Yn just reached out and took his hand. “Please. I’ll be okay. Dani’s here.”

She turned her head slightly to smile at her godfather, who gave her a look like he knew exactly what she was doing — and hated it — but said nothing. Max and Kelly hesitated, torn. And finally, with one more round of kisses to her forehead and tearful apologies, they left in a rush, already talking about Lily’s feeding schedule and how they needed to call the sitter back.

The door shut behind them with a quiet click.

Silence settled over the room like a blanket.

And then Daniel moved.

He walked over slowly, no longer keeping up the cheerful front. His arms wrapped around her gently as he sat on the edge of the hospital bed, pulling her into his chest. They sat like that for a moment — no words, just the sound of beeping machines and the soft thunder of rain outside.

And then, Yn broke.

It wasn’t loud at first. Just a shaky inhale, a trembling of her shoulders. But then the dam burst.

Sobs racked her body, loud and broken, the kind of cries that came from somewhere deep inside — the kind that didn’t care who was listening. Her fingers clutched at his shirt, desperate and aching. Every bit of strength and independence she had built, every time she told herself she was okay, every time she smiled while her parents rushed past her to tend to Lily or P — it all poured out.

Daniel held her tighter, rocking her gently, whispering soothing words against her hair.

“I’ve got you, bub. I’ve got you,” he murmured, his own voice breaking. “Let it out. I’m here.”

She sobbed into his chest, again and again, whispering things she’d never dared to say out loud.

“I thought I was going to die alone.”

“I didn’t want to be mad at them.”

“They didn’t come, Uncle Dany. They didn’t come.”

He closed his eyes, his jaw trembling as he fought the burn behind his eyes.

“I know, sweetheart. I know. But I came. I’ll always come.”

She cried until she had no more left. Until her throat was raw and her arms felt like lead. Until she could barely breathe through the tears. And still, Daniel held her, like he had every time before — through scraped knees, and heartbreaks, and disappointments. Only this time, it felt like even more than that.

It felt like the moment everything changed.

The air in the apartment was filled with soft baby giggles and the rhythmic tapping of keys as Yn worked through her math homework. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion—healing after a car crash while keeping up with school wasn’t easy, especially when the people around you slowly started forgetting how close they’d come to losing you.

At first, when she’d been discharged from the hospital, things had been different. Someone—either Max or Kelly—had always been near, bringing her snacks, fluffing her pillows, helping her up the stairs. But that attention faded fast. It always did.

Now, Max was on the couch with Kelly, his arm slung around her as she held Lily up in the air and made silly faces at the baby, both parents giggling when Lily let out a happy squeal.

Yn glanced up from her homework, watching them for a second. Then her eyes drifted to the side as Penelope ran into the room, full of energy and noise. The six-year-old spotted Yn at the table and made a beeline for her, grabbing a colored pencil from the cup and climbing onto the chair next to her big sister.

“Whatcha doin’?” Penelope asked, already scribbling on the edge of Yn’s workbook.

“Homework,” Yn said calmly. “P, don’t draw on that. I need it.”

“But I’m helping,” Penelope said with a grin, her little hand still pushing the pencil over the page.

Yn took a breath. “I know you want to help, but this is something I have to do on my own, okay? Please, just go back to your toys.”

“No!” Penelope said defiantly, trying to grab another pencil. “I wanna help!”

“Penelope,” Yn said a little firmer, gently pushing her hand away, “please stop. I really need to concentrate.”

Penelope blinked at her, lips puckering into a pout. “You’re mean!”

“I’m not mean,” Yn said, jaw tight, trying to stay patient. “I just need space. Please, Penelope.”

But the little girl didn’t budge. She started kicking her feet under the table, humming loudly, then grabbing another pencil. That was it.

“Stop!” Yn snapped, her voice louder than intended.

Immediately, the whole room froze. Max’s head whipped around from the couch. Kelly tensed with Lily in her arms. Penelope’s eyes widened as her bottom lip began to tremble. A second later, she burst into tears.

Max was already on his feet.

“What’s going on here?” he asked as he hurried over, crouching down next to Penelope who had now thrown herself into his arms.

“She yelled at me,” Penelope cried, “I just wanted to help…”

Max hugged her tightly. “It’s okay, baby. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I—I tried to tell her—” Yn started.

Kelly stood now too, swaying slightly with Lily on her hip. “Sweetie, maybe you could’ve been a little gentler, hmm? She’s just trying to be like you.”

“I was gentle,” Yn said, eyes wide, heart racing. “I asked her three times. She wouldn’t stop.”

“She’s six,” Kelly said, her voice light but pointed. “She doesn’t always know when to stop. You’re older.”

“And I’m tired!” Yn snapped, standing up so fast the chair skidded. “I have been trying to catch up on everything while healing from a car crash that you didn’t even show up for! But sure, let's talk about how I was too harsh!”

Max frowned, confused, holding Penelope like a precious thing. “Yn, calm down. This is not a big deal.”

“Not a big—” Yn let out a breathless, angry laugh. “Of course it’s not. Because nothing ever is with me. It’s always about Penelope or Lily. Always them.”

“That’s not true,” Kelly said gently.

Yn was shaking now, her hands clenching into fists at her sides.

“Yes, it is,” she whispered. “It’s always been true. Ever since Lily was born, I’ve been invisible.”

Max moved toward her. “Don’t be dramatic. You’re not invisible.”

“Really?” Yn snapped. “Because I lay in a hospital bed for hours after crashing my car and no one answered the phone. No one. I could’ve died and it wouldn’t have made a difference because you had Lily and Penelope here, and you wouldn’t have even known.”

“That’s not fair—” Max started.

“No, you know what’s not fair?” Yn’s voice was rising now, louder, angrier, more hurt than anything else. “The way you always treat me like I’m too much or too intense or too sensitive. But all I ever wanted was to matter. To you. To her. To this whole damn family.”

Kelly’s eyes widened as she adjusted Lily in her arms. “Yn, you know we love you—”

“No, you love them,” Yn said, tears pricking her eyes. “You tolerate me. And I’m so tired of pretending like that’s enough.”

She stormed past them to her room, flinging open her closet and yanking a duffel bag off the shelf. She stuffed it with random clothes, socks, charger cords, not really thinking. Her vision blurred with tears.

Footsteps approached her door. Max appeared, Kelly right behind him.

“What are you doing?” Max asked. “You can’t just run away every time something doesn’t go your way.”

“Oh my God,” Yn muttered, zipping the bag. “You really don’t get it.”

Kelly reached for her arm. “Yn, don’t go. This is just a bad moment. You’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting?” Yn spun around, eyes blazing. “You think this is just about today? I have felt like a damn ghost in this house for years. Every time you post a picture with the girls and forget to even mention me. Every time you skip my dance recitals. Every time you call the sitter and not me. I’m not your daughter—I’m the afterthought.”

Max’s expression darkened. “Don’t say that.”

“I hate you,” Yn said, voice cracking. “You’re a terrible father to me. Just like your dad was to you.”

And with that, she rushed out of the apartment, ignoring Max’s call of her name. She didn’t stop. Down the stairs. Through the building doors. Into the streets.

She ran and ran, wind cold on her face, feet pounding against the pavement. It didn’t matter where she was going. Her legs knew. Her heart knew.

Finally, breathless and crying, she reached the familiar door and knocked. Hard. Again and again.

The door opened and Heidi appeared, wearing a cozy jumper and fuzzy socks, a mug in her hand. Her eyes widened the moment she saw Yn—disheveled, red-faced, eyes swollen.

“Oh sweetheart,” Heidi whispered, immediately putting the mug down and opening her arms.

Yn crashed into her, sobbing so hard she could barely breathe.

A second later, Daniel appeared behind Heidi, looking alarmed. “Yn?”

Yn lifted her head just long enough to reach for him too. He moved fast, wrapping his arms around both of them, holding them tightly.

“I couldn’t stay there,” Yn sobbed into his chest.

“You’re safe,” Daniel whispered, his hand stroking her hair, kissing the top of her head. “You’re safe now. You’re here. I got you.”

Heidi nodded, guiding them both inside, closing the door behind them. “You’re home, sweetheart,” she said softly. “We’ve got you. We’re not going anywhere.”

And between their steady arms, Yn finally let herself fall apart.

It had been over a week since the fight. Since Yn had stormed out of the apartment—red-eyed and furious, shaking with heartbreak—and into Heidi’s arms. Since she had made the decision to stay, not just for the night, but truly stay, at Daniel and Heidi’s place.

She hadn’t returned home since. The only time she’d been back to the apartment was when she knew Max and Kelly were out. She and Heidi had gone together, picking up her clothes, her sketchbooks, her ballet shoes, even the silly little mug she always used for hot chocolate. She had packed everything quietly, methodically. No trace of her left behind.

And she’d blocked both Max and Kelly on her phone without hesitation.

Heidi hadn’t asked many questions that day. She just held Yn’s hand, rubbed soft circles into her back as she packed, and drove her back home—to her new home—with Daniel. The place that didn’t feel temporary. That felt… right.

One quiet evening, Daniel entered the living room with a dramatic sigh, holding a tray with three mugs of steaming cocoa, each topped with a silly amount of whipped cream and rainbow marshmallows.

“Ladies,” he said in a mock serious voice. “Your elixirs of joy have arrived.”

Yn, curled under a blanket with her feet tucked beneath her, giggled. “Did you put the extra marshmallows this time? Or did you ‘accidentally’ eat them again like yesterday?”

“That’s a vicious accusation,” Daniel gasped, feigning offense as he handed her the mug. “I’ll have you know, your marshmallows are safe. Heidi witnessed the whole process.”

Heidi, who was painting her toenails on the other end of the couch, nodded. “It’s true. He was on his best behavior.”

Yn grinned, nestling into the warm drink. “Thank you,” she said softly. Her voice held that tiny bit of surprise every time she thanked them—like she still didn’t fully believe she deserved all of this care.

Daniel leaned over and plopped down next to her, bumping her shoulder gently. “You know you don’t have to thank us for that stuff, right?” he said, sipping from his own mug. “You’re family.”

“Yeah,” Heidi chimed in, setting down the nail polish. “We love having you here. Seriously, we’ve never had this much glitter and noise. It’s amazing.”

Yn laughed, looking down at her cocoa. “I just… I feel safe here,” she admitted. “I can breathe. You don’t make me feel like a burden.”

Daniel put his mug down and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, squeezing her gently. “You’re never a burden, munchkin. Not even close.”

There was a pause, the kind of silence that wasn’t uncomfortable but full of weight. Yn swirled her marshmallows around before saying, almost too quietly, “I think Max still thinks of me as an inconvenience.”

Heidi set her nail file down. “Honey…”

Daniel frowned. “He’s… struggling,” he said carefully, always the peacemaker when he could be. “But that doesn’t mean you have to forgive him just because he’s your dad. What he did—what both of them did—hurt you. And it’s okay to say that. It’s okay to take space.”

“I’m not ready,” Yn whispered. “I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to hear another ‘you’re overreacting’ or ‘she’s just a kid’ or watch them treat P like she’s the sun and I’m… I don’t know. Just the shadow behind her.”

Heidi stood and crossed over to Yn, kneeling in front of her and gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Then we protect you from that. As long as you need. You’re not alone, Yn.”

“I blocked them,” Yn murmured.

“I know,” Daniel said gently. “And I only messaged Max once. I told him you were safe, and you didn’t want to talk. That’s all he needed to know.”

“Has he tried again?” she asked, voice trembling.

Daniel looked at Heidi briefly before answering. “Yeah. He’s come by a couple of times. Kelly too. But we didn’t let them in. They wanted to talk to you, but… we told them to respect your wishes. That this isn’t about them anymore.”

“They said they deserve to see her,” Heidi added, clearly still angry. “But you know what, Yn? Deserving someone’s presence comes from love, not blood. And they haven’t shown you the love you deserve. We’ll never let them come in here and make you feel like you did that day.”

Yn looked between them, eyes glassy. “You don’t hate me for this?”

“Oh my god, baby, no,” Heidi whispered, hugging her tight. “We’re proud of you. For standing up for yourself. For knowing what you need. That takes guts.”

Daniel smiled warmly, brushing a tear from her cheek. “And look at you now. Ballet princess by day, face-mask bandit by night. You’re crushing life.”

Yn giggled through her tears. “I still can’t believe you let me paint your nails.”

Daniel held up his hands with mock grace. “Excuse me, this fuchsia glitter is art. I’ve been complimented.”

Heidi rolled her eyes. “He got one compliment from the barista, and now he thinks he’s a trendsetter.”

That night, like every night since she’d moved in, they watched their silly show together. Daniel fell asleep halfway through, his head tilted comically against the sofa cushion, one of his hands resting on Yn’s shoulder like a protective weight.

In the days that followed, their routine became sacred.

Heidi drove Yn to ballet practice every afternoon, always staying to watch through the glass with a little smile on her face and snacks ready when it ended. She cheered the loudest when Yn nailed her pirouettes, and on the car rides home, she always gushed about how graceful Yn looked.

Daniel made sure dinner was ready when they got home. They all sat around the table together, sometimes dancing around the kitchen to loud music, sometimes eating in comfortable silence, but always together.

On the nights Yn had nightmares—usually vague, confusing ones about being left behind—Heidi would rub her back until she fell asleep again. Sometimes, Daniel would bring her tea and let her talk if she wanted to. And sometimes, she didn’t want to talk. They always understood.

One rainy evening, while they were baking cookies and making an absolute mess of the kitchen, the doorbell rang.

Heidi froze. Daniel turned off the music.

Yn’s body went tense like a wire.

“I’ll get it,” Heidi said quickly, placing a hand on Yn’s arm. “You stay here.”

Yn nodded, backing away slowly. She knew it was them. She could feel it.

Heidi opened the door, her eyes narrowing. “You weren’t invited.”

Max’s voice was quiet. “I just want to see her. Just for a minute.”

“No,” Daniel said from behind her, suddenly beside his girlfriend, his tone more steel than usual. “You want to make yourselves feel better. But she’s the one who deserves peace, and right now, that means you staying away.”

“We’re her family,” Kelly said, her voice sharper.

“You were,” Heidi shot back. “But family doesn’t make a child feel forgotten. Family doesn’t silence her pain or compare her to their trauma. You had a daughter standing in front of you begging to be seen, and you told her she was overreacting.”

Daniel stepped forward, blocking the door completely. “She’s not ready. And until she says otherwise, this is her home.”

Without another word, he shut the door.

When he turned around, Yn was standing there, eyes wide, face pale.

“Was it them?” she asked.

Daniel didn’t lie. “Yeah. But it’s okay. We took care of it.”

Yn nodded slowly, stepping forward and hugging him tightly. “Thank you for protecting me.”

He bent down to wrap his arms around her fully. “Always, kiddo. Always.”

And as the rain poured outside, the little family in the warm kitchen returned to their cookies, their music, and the love that asked for nothing but acceptance.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♥︎♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Authors Note: Hey loves. I hope you enjoyed reading this story. My requests are always open for you.

I decided to make a sad ending cause I felt like it, so.... sorry, not sorry!

-♡○♡

[psuedosugu]

Ohhhh my golly I saw your Vox x daughter reader an it got me thinking now HEAR ME OUT….what if reader got bored on day an just went for a walk and somehow came across Alastor, now let’s say Alastor’s a lil confused like he never knew Vox had a daughter and readers like *sad sigh* “I’d be surprised if anyone knew” an Alastors all fatherly to her at first it was to get dirt on Vox without reader realizing but in the end he just liked hanging out with her. Eventually Vox noticed how his daughter is gone half the time but reader just convinces her dad that she’s always home and how HES the one always away. Change the ending how you see fit or do whatever you like but UGH I love your writing stay hydrated and eat wellll🩵

assjjjkkj thank youuu the amount of feedback ive gotten on this acc that ive only been posting on for like 3 days is insane, anyways this is such an interesting idea omgee

cw: reader having some emotionally absent daddy issues

fem reader

pt 1 here

ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ

͙͘͡★ || so you had just gone out on an innocent walk, right?

͙͘͡★ || well, technically snuck out since your dad doesn’t like you going out by yourself.

͙͘͡★ || theres bad people out there! what if you got kidnapped or something?

͙͘͡★ || no one recognizes you, of course, since he doesn’t really talk about you let alone shows you to the public.

͙͘͡★ || you appreciate him for that, you guess, it must be annoying to not be able to go anywhere without a bunch of microphones in your face.

͙͘͡★ || you just wish he was around more! he barely makes any time for you and yeah, his work is super important and time consuming but you’re his daughter!

͙͘͡★ || lost in thought, you bump into a dude in the sidewalk.

͙͘͡★ || “whoops! excuse me, ma’am!”, he says in a weird, static-ish voice.

͙͘͡★ || your skeleton almost jumps out of your skin when you look up.

͙͘͡★ || the radio demon, the guy that your dad has had beef with since you were little

͙͘͡★ || you just stare at him with a “ :o “ look on your face, not knowing if you should run or not.

“little girl, are you, um, alright?” he stares down at you, slightly confused.

“im…uhhh…im okay!”

“you’ve heard of me, i suppose.”

“i guess…. my dad doesn’t really like you.”

“and who might your father be, hm?”

“yk the tv dude? the one thats, like, everywhere? yeah, that him.”

“hmm…interesting…i wasn’t aware he had a daughter…”

“well, he doesn’t really talk about…..”

͙͘͡★ || at this point you stop blabbing mid sentence, realizing you probably shouldn’t have said all of that to his sworn enemy.

͙͘͡★ || what if he does kidnap you and holds you for ransom?

͙͘͡★ || but he doesn’t do that, surprisingly.

͙͘͡★ || he asks you why you’re out alone so late and you shrug, saying that your dad wasn’t really there to stop you.

͙͘͡★ || you were naive and alastor was planning to use that to his advantage, not to hurt you, but to hurt vox.

͙͘͡★ || what would he think when he found out that his own daughter was buddy-buddy with his sworn enemy?

͙͘͡★ || he’d feel like a failure of a father, and thats what alastor wanted, to get under his skin.

͙͘͡★ || you guys walked while you told him everything, about him being away all the time, about you feeling lonely, while he nodded along

͙͘͡★ || you guys even stopped at one of those old timey bar places and bought you a milkshake!

͙͘͡★ || eventually you headed home, your dad hadn’t noticed you had been gone which figures.

͙͘͡★ || this became routine, you hung out with alastor and he gave you advice and stuff. you thought that if he had an ulterior motive it would’ve shown itself by now but no, it hadn’t.

͙͘͡★ || alastor himself had started to forget why he had even started all of this. he found himself enjoying your company and actually caring about you.

͙͘͡★ || after a while vox started to notice that he’s been seeing you less than he usually does.

͙͘͡★ || i mean, the tower is big but cmon! there were days where he would barely see you at all! where were you going?

͙͘͡★ || he confronted you about it at dinner one day.

“[name], dearest, i cant help but notice that i haven’t been seeing you around much lately. what’ve you been up to?”

͙͘͡★ || you pause, looking up from your food.

“i, um, dont know what you’re talking about.”

͙͘͡★ || he furrows his (virtual) eyebrows.

“is that so?”

“mhm!”

͙͘͡★ || vox is reasonably skeptical and resorts to spying on you through your smartwatch because of course you have a voxtech branded smartwatch!

͙͘͡★ || hes absolutely livid when he finds out who you’ve been sneaking out to be with and he’s waiting for you when you get home.

͙͘͡★ || you’re indefinitely grounded until he says so and he starts tracking where you go in the tower.

͙͘͡★ || he knows that its a violation of privacy and stuff but dont you see that he’s trying to protect you? alastor is dangerous! he doesn’t get how you didn’t see it earlier.

͙͘͡★ || alastor does succeed on what he set out to do, though. vox is distraught, feeling like a horrible father. he even vents to valentino about it out of all the people!

“-i mean, what kind of father doesn’t even notice their own child sneaking out in broad daylight every day? i should’ve paid more attention to her, im a failure!”

“mhm….yeah….”

͙͘͡★ || val obviously doesn’t give a shit.

͙͘͡★ || after not bumping into you for a while and seeing the up in vox slandering him online, alastor figures what happened.

͙͘͡★ || he’s glad that he succeeded in his mission to bother vox further but does miss talking to you.

͙͘͡★ || vox does vow to make more time for you and be a more attentive dad, so i guess some good comes out of this.

ִֶָ 𓂃˖˳·˖ ִֶָ ⋆★⋆ ִֶָ˖·˳˖𓂃 ִֶָ

i do requests!

check out my masterlist!

[peleksstuff]

escape V. l rafe cameron x pogue!reader

*gifs not mine*

ive been gone so long hope you didnt forget that last chapter cause i do but heres an update so sorry for the long wait

---------

one

two

three

four

“You’re not useless, Rafe. You’re more than what he says. You just… need to stop trying to be what he wants you to be.”

Rafe’s gaze locked onto yours, and for a moment, the air between you felt charged, heavy with something unspoken.

_______

Rafe’s heart raced as he roared down the dark, empty road on his motorcycle. The wind whipped against his face, but it did nothing to cool the burning anger, frustration, and heartbreak bubbling up inside him. The sound of his father’s voice still echoed in his ears, cruel and sharp.

“Useless. You’re a disappointment, Rafe. You’re not my son.”

His father had saved him tonight—paid off Barry to cover his debt after Rafe's reckless run with drugs and poor decisions had spiraled out of control.

But Ward Cameron hadn’t just stopped there. He disowned him, severing whatever thread of connection Rafe had desperately clung to for so long.

The validation he’d craved from his father had been ripped away, leaving him feeling hollow, unwanted.

He squeezed the handlebars harder, his knuckles white. He wanted to cry—hell, he needed to—but something inside him wouldn’t let the tears fall.

Instead, he felt stuck in the numbness, trapped in the anger that swirled with his sorrow.

Where was he even going? He didn’t know. He just needed to escape, to run from the weight of his father’s rejection. He’d always been good at running.

Before he knew it, the familiar neon glow of the diner lights cut through the dark. Kiara’s family diner. Your workplace. Without thinking, Rafe pulled into the parking lot, the motorcycle’s engine cutting off as he came to a stop.

He was exhausted, emotionally drained, and he didn’t have the energy to go anywhere else. Something about seeing you right now felt like the only thing that might tether him to reality.

As he pushed the door open and stepped inside, the bell above the entrance jingled softly. You were behind the counter, wiping down the tables, unaware of his presence at first.

The diner was mostly empty at this hour, just a few late-night regulars scattered around. When you finally looked up and spotted him, your eyes widened in surprise. You stared at him for a moment, caught off guard by his presence.

He made his way to a booth near the window, sitting down heavily. You caught his eyes briefly as he stared out into the night, lost.

There was an intensity in his sadness that you hadn’t seen before, and it unnerved you. Rafe Cameron wasn’t supposed to look like that.

You wiped your hands on your apron and walked over to him, keeping your voice steady as you asked, “Can I get you anything?”

He looked up at you, and for a moment, there was something so open, so broken in his expression that you almost wanted to sit beside him.

He held your gaze, his voice low and a little hoarse when he spoke. “You.”

You blinked, not expecting that. “Rafe—”

“I just… need someone to talk to,” he said, his words barely above a whisper.

His eyes were glassy, like he was on the verge of tears but refusing to let them fall. “And it’s you. I don’t know why, but I need you.”

The honesty in his voice caught you off guard. Rafe wasn’t the kind of guy to admit weakness, especially not to someone like you—a Pogue. But there was something so genuine in his sadness that you found yourself nodding before you could think better of it.

“My shift’s over in fifteen minutes,” you said softly. “I can talk to you then.”

As you turned to head back to the counter, you noticed Kiara leaning against the kitchen door, her arms crossed as she watched the exchange.

Her eyes narrowed slightly as she took in the sight of Rafe in the diner.

“Rafe, huh?” Kiara said, her tone carrying a hint of suspicion. “That’s… unexpected.”

You shrugged. "Its not like that."

Kiara let out a soft laugh, her eyes narrowing in playful disbelief. "You know he’s bad news, right?”

There was an edge to her voice that told you it wasn’t just casual gossip. Kiara had seen what Rafe was like, how he treated her friends—Pogues. Her warning wasn’t out of jealousy or teasing. It was genuine concern.

Rafe had a reputation, and it wasn’t a good one. But the Rafe sitting in that booth looked nothing like the guy who was always stirring up trouble.

He looked… lost. And something in you couldn’t walk away from that, not after everything he did for you.

“I’ll be careful,” you promised, offering Kiara a smile.

After the clock finally struck the end of your shift, you pulled off your apron and approached Rafe’s booth. He glanced up at you, still looking like a storm was brewing inside him.

“Come on,” you said softly, nodding toward the back exit. “Let’s go somewhere quiet.”

The two of you stepped outside, the night air cool against your skin. You led him to a small bench behind the diner, away from prying eyes.

For a while, neither of you spoke. Rafe just sat there, staring down at his hands, lost in thought. You weren’t sure how to start, so you waited for him.

Eventually, he broke the silence. “I fucked up. Again."

Rafe took a long, shaky breath, rubbing a hand across his face. “My dad… he’s done with me.”

His voice cracked, and for the first time, you saw the raw pain behind his eyes. “He paid off my debt tonight—saved my ass from Barry—but then he told me I was a disappointment. That I wasn’t his son anymore.”

“I just… I don’t get it,” he continued, his voice growing more frustrated.

“No matter what I do, it’s never enough for him. I’m never enough.”

He looked at you, his eyes filled with a pain so deep it made your chest ache.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been trying so hard to prove myself, but… maybe he’s right. Maybe I am useless.”

“Don’t say that,” you said firmly, your hand resting on his arm.

“You’re not useless, Rafe. You’re more than what he says. You just… need to stop trying to be what he wants you to be.”

Rafe’s gaze locked onto yours, and for a moment, the air between you felt charged, heavy with something unspoken.

His eyes searched yours, and you could see the vulnerability in them, the desperation for someone—anyone—to believe in him.

“You really think that?” he asked quietly, his voice laced with disbelief.

“I do,” you said softly. “You don’t have to be perfect, Rafe."

Something shifted in his expression then, a flicker of hope or maybe relief, and before you could process what was happening, Rafe leaned in.

His lips brushed yours, soft at first, like he wasn’t sure if you’d pull away. But when you didn’t, he deepened the kiss, his hand gently cupping your face.

The world around you seemed to fade, the only thing you could focus on was the warmth of his lips against yours, the way his hand gently cupped your face as if he was afraid to break you.

When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested against yours, his breath shaky.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice rough.

“Don’t apologize,” you interrupted softly, your fingers brushing the side of his face.

Rafe didn’t need to say anything more, and neither did you. All you knew was that in this moment, Rafe needed someone—and for some reason, he had chosen you.

[luvseisagi]

blue lock 306 spoilers !! ౨ৎ

read the leaks here !!

i just read the leaks after an hour and a half of total sleep and i can only say i literally started CRYING on the train, i ?? i hope no one asks me about the smudged eyeliner later cause wtf ❤️

so. i really cant even begin to explain how much i love nagi and how much it breaks my heart to see him like this, all his efforts to come back when we all know he (technically) can't, and seeing him crying and alone?? id rather kms fr he deserves no wrong my baby

BUT THEN its like. it makes me so happy seeing him going to bllk again and asking and feeling something apart from constant exhaustion and disinterest!! hes really trying because he wants to, not because theyre asking him to (even if it comes from desperation, anger and regret and hes not in his best rn). still, anri and ego at least are definitely not gonna let him in, so its kinda in vain but at least its something :( idk seeing him there with his huge ass tent, sleeping on the floor, being silly, playing with the insects and making instant noodles made me literally CRY oh my baby i love you so much.

on the other side!! i also liked seeing him angry because yes, regret usually expresses itself like sadness—specially when youve lost all hope—, but it can also become anger, and that means he still has the will to fight!! thats a good sign right..

then the messages part. first what do u mean reo wont accept messages from him ?? (i think i didnt understand this well because i dont know if he blocked his number or its their socials and they dont follow each other so he cant dm reo like i hope its the second but itd make sense for me if it was the first so) but i would. literally crash out if i were him cause wtf (i mean he crashed out too but he couldnt really react bc anri interrupted him) 😀 ??? and also i love that he thought about rin and barou too, but it hurts me a little to think that nagi might believe he has no other close friends than reo because?? chigiri?? zantetsu?? and obviously isagi? like does he really think they dont consider him a friend and they wouldnt listen to him? :(((

and the end.. ill just let the smart ppl in this fandom make their theories because im 1 too emotionally influenced when it comes to nagi to think straight 2 very tired right now. and very sad too.

idk what more to say i already knew this chapter was nagi centered and still i was then shot 52 times reading it so 👍🏼👍🏼if he cries again i might kms just saying!!!

and next ch isagi barcelona ive been praying for times like this 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼 anyway my fav panels of this chapter

BOTH THIS PANELS i love him cutiepie

baby. babybabybaby

he looks so good here like bfr (i am very sad this is my copying mechanism) (why do they always look hot when crashing out and being aggressive) (yes rin kaiser im talking about you)

[littlestarbigsky]

i feel like i haven't really talked about it much on here lately but i lost my dad unexpectedly two and a half years ago, aaaand here are some thinky thoughts about darry and his dad bc he's all ive been thinking about today

be gentle with your friends who have lost parents, days like today are hard /gen

cw: mild emetaphobia warning

darry threw up the first time pony accidentally called him... that. pony hadn't even meant to, he probably didn't even know it happened at all.

the kid was sick, again.

the doctors had tried to figure out what was going on with him, but really the only explanation they could give darry and soda was that he just wasn't coping well with losing his parents. he was just emotionally zapped, and his body wasn't coping well.

they were sitting in pony's bedroom, soda propping their little brother up against him while darry tried to spoon soup into his mouth. he hadn't eaten anything solid for two days, they were lucky if they got water in him most of the time. soda had even managed to get a few sips of apple juice into him, but even so, pony wasn't getting any better.

"c'mon, baby, please," darry pleaded, something burning behind his eyes as he held he spoon out, carefully keeping it from dripping onto pony's pajamas.

pony just turned his head away from the spoon, his body shifting to curl closer to soda. he was caught halfway between sleeping and crying, so exhausted and disoriented that it seemed a wonder that they were able to get him sitting up at all.

"pony, please," darry begged, his voice breaking. "you're not gonna feel better if you don't eat anything."

"don't want it, daddy," pony mumbled.

darry and soda's eyes went wide. it felt like a twenty pound weight had dropped right into his stomach. soda didn't hesitate, he grabbed the bowl of soup and cradled pony closer as darry pushed himself off of the bed and hurried out of the room.

he barely made it to the bathroom before the bile rushed up his throat and a sob caught in his lungs becuase that's his baby brother, not his son. and maybe pony was too out of it to understand what was going on, and maybe just imagining darry was their daddy was just his brain comforting him in the only way it knew how, but god, it hurt.

because darry could remember nights when he had been young and sick and their daddy had tried to get him to eat. how he'd been able to hold darry in his lap and feed him soup, how it had felt like being held by a superhero. how he had whispered, "c'mon, junior, two more bites and we can have a sleep, sound okay?"

pony probably didn't even know he'd said it, and they'd never remind him of it, but it burned into darry's brain like a brand.

my irl favorite person ever (who tumblr isn’t letting me tag booooo) is writing this fic on ao3 and it’s kinda along the same lines as this,, yall should check it out🥹

[subjectcaw]

little details ive noticed about some cod ww2 characters/the game in general

as someone who notices the little things (and overthinks them)

part 1 because i have even more

Stiles is extremely sympathetic. he comforts Daniels after Daniels goes through something traumatic, is visibility uneasy at the sight of the concentration camp, and is seen constantly helping out fellow soldiers such as when he is seen behind Pierson in Stronghold helping comrades to their feet after the church collapsed—despite limping himself. which also leads me to believe he is at least a little selfless. doesn’t hesitate to help others over himself. whenever Aiello talks over him, he simply lets him talk, maybe because he’s introverted, maybe because he doesnt want to discard what Aiello has to say—that I’m not sure about.

on the topic of Stiles, he also heavily relies on knowledge/logic. asking questions about missions (or trying to), presenting facts to arguments or simple conversations, and calling out whenever he has to.

i feel this may be obvious, but Daniels likely empathizes with Pierson about what happened at Kasserine. Daniels knows how it feels to try as hard as you can to save someone you care about because the same thing happened with his older brother. although Pierson lost more people, the similarities weren’t ignored. they also both shared an experience like this when Turner died. Although, Pierson didn’t fight back as hard as Daniels did, likely because he was more used to the feeling of losing a fellow soldier—even someone you personally cared about.

Turner and Pierson have a strong sense of brotherhood. this is likely from their time in combat, since they served together for 6 years. they have arguments about orders and duty commonly, especially as tensions rise, but they still have each other’s backs regardless. when Davis was chewing them both out about saving civilians, Turner and Pierson both backed each other up—and when exiting the tent, they both shared a look. to me, this look felt like a silent message of camaraderie between the two. in a strange way, maybe they balance each other out. Pierson also mourned Turner much like a brother.

when Pierson got most if not all his men killed at Kasserine, Turner made sure to have him demoted. even then, Turner still empathized with Pierson and the dire situation he had been in at Kasserine, and how much Pierson had cared about his men. when Daniels hinted at Pierson getting his men killed to Turner, Turner simply told him to hope he was never in that position. in a way, this shows how Turner, although emotionally understanding towards Pierson, nevertheless criticized him and sought his punishment—even if it was only slightly. even then, Turner seems to trust Pierson. as Turner and his group are waiting for Pierson before moving on Hill 493, when it’s suggested Pierson moved on the hill alone, Turner simply disregards it. “No, he’ll be here.” also shows how Turner is put in a position where he needs to trust Pierson to do his job correctly and efficiently. Turner and Pierson’s relationship runs very deep, but I’m sure we all knew that anyway.

i hope this all makes sense the way it does in my head and i hope this wasnt all obvious already cause i think about these aspects a lot😓

ill do a part 2 sometime, and im also working on a character analysis for each of the main 6🙂‍↕️

[emcapi-gaming]

Ardwin's poetry

An attempt I made (first four a while ago, last one today) to write some poetry from Ardwin's perspective about the people she loves/has loved.

(If you can guess who all of them are about, you get a cookie; as a hint, they're in mostly chronological order. Answers and author commentary under the cut. I'll also post on AO3 in a minute.)

I. Fire

Wild thing, bright spark, not quite tame but here with me, my campfire, my hearth.

I need you. I will always need you.

Wherever I go, so do you. Wherever you go, I am home.

Your heart keeps me warm, wards the ice from my skin, soothes the ache from my back when the sky grows too heavy.

Tell the hungry things that lurk: we are not theirs to devour. Let me keep you burning. I will let you keep me safe.

II. Volcano

First, I thought you were a mountain. One more peak to climb and conquer. Beauty, danger, thrill and challenge. I ignored the warning signs: your heart held nothing but destruction.

And so: catastrophe.

The mountain, gone. The city, in ruins. The skies, all ash and fire.

Despite everything, I still yearned for the climb. Forgive me, if I still mourn for the mountain.

III. Inferno

Another self-same spark, taken root among drought and decay. Your love: overwhelming, consuming, uncontrollable. All the fiercer for how long I have refused you.

You were the only salvation left for me. My heart: neglected, choked, overgrown. Weighed down and tangled up, forgetting how to live.

You know what I need. Burn me down. Take me apart. Only through the ash can I begin to grow again.

IV. Star

Light born from a cradle of darkness, fearless, piercing through. Flickering, sometimes hidden, but persisting. A miracle beyond compare. When I first saw you, I was lost. I followed you and found my way. Now, you are too far to touch, but I have reached the stars before. I know it can be done again. Just a little longer, love; I’ll find my way back to you.

V. Spark

Sparks fly at our first touch: blinding, our hands brush, snap our circuit closed, trade high to low, and I understand how you’ve endured. But now, bottled lightning, break your glass. Retake the sky.

Answers for who's who:

I. Fire: Ardbert

II. Volcano: Zenos

III. Inferno: Fray

IV. Star: Zero

V. Spark: Arkose

Would Ardwin actually try to write poetry? Probably not. Most of her creative drive goes into crafting (BSM/ARM and CUL). She does very faithfully keep a journal, but it's closer to a bullet journal/log than a diary, mostly practical with only incidental emotional commentary.

Individual poem/relationship notes:

Ardbert: Pretty self-explanatory, for the most part, I think. (Blink-and-you-miss-it Atlas imagery go brrr. Would have been a good Azem name, but I wanted something a little more unique and Arkadios fit well too.)

Zenos: Debatable whether that whole thing qualifies as "love" in the same way as the other ones. This is definitely only something she'd write much later, after the fact; it takes her a while to come to terms with her complicated feelings about him.

Fray: ...I keep mentally referring to the weird as hell dynamic between Ardwin and her version of Fray as "Fray's Combo Questionable BDSM/Bootleg Therapy." Ardwin is so fucked up by the end of EW that she reacts to people trying to make her Talk About Her Feelings by lashing out (sometimes verbally, sometimes physically) like a wounded animal in a trap, Fray fixes her by dragging her through it kicking and screaming (often literally), they make out about it sometimes because Ardwin is Selfcest Georg. Yeah.

Zero: When they first met, Ardwin was improving but still like 40-50% fucked up, and got really emotionally attached to her in a slightly unhealthy way. She put Zero on a bit of a pedestal and also thought of her in terms of the whole dark knight "person I'm dedicated to protecting" role. (This, inevitably, wound up backfiring somewhat when Zero pulled her stunt with the Wall of Light, and Ardwin had such a bad panic attack she thought she was dying.) The subsequent magical-girl paladin transformation was a big turning point for Ardwin that went a long way towards fixing her general tendency towards being overprotective, and the time apart has helped soothe a lot of the lingering hurt feelings from the Light stunt. But also the second they get that hourglass working, Ardwin WILL be going to visit her girlfriend.

(Side note: it's a really good thing that Ardwin got over so much of the overprotective tendencies, because if she was like that with Arkose, they would have found her completely fucking insufferable and probably wanted to kill her.)

Arkose: Think I mentioned this in the previous lore post about Arkose and Eutrope's history, but they did have literal sparks, because soul shards/reflections where one has imbalanced aether can temporarily balance each other out by touching. I also mentioned in that post how they felt extremely trapped in Solution 9 and the Heritage Found lightning dome. Getting to get out of the dome and actually see the real sky for the first time in their life has been a Huge Fucking Deal for them.

It's interesting that this poem wound up being a lot more structured than the others. Part of that, I think, is from me writing it so much later than the other poems, and I just felt like it. Though if you want to go full literary-analysis, you can also look at the stronger structure as a reflection of Ardwin's mental state. She's gone through so much recovery since Endwalker and she's doing fantastic lately.

[komohine]

hi! So, I wanted to write a klance ff in a cool zombie survival au but mid-creating it I realised it wasn't klance dynamic at all but 100% pure jaith material. Except. I haven't even READ jaith yet. Could I possibly get the chance to be guided through my ignorance by the illustrious Official Jaith Guardian themself and get some fanfic recs? Some of your fav headcanons/artists perhaps? also thank you for all your work 🙏

The only jaith fic you need to read is this

All of my headcanons and stuff come from these two fics. Theyre so good. Also be sure to listen to the jaith playlist (in order! Not shuffled) i linked while reading. Double ouchie.

Their relationship is very much a constant push and pull.

Keith pushes james away because he doesn’t even know if he can love and doesnt want to lead james on (aroace spec keith for the win) and because of his perceived faults and flaws, james tries to pull him closer because keith has been one of the only people to like him for him, not for the facade he puts up in public and because he doesn’t care about Keith’s small flaws he makes out to be huge

James pushes keith away out of fear that his constantly suppressed anger and jealousy will rear its head and hurt keith (and also because of internalized homophobia), keith tries to pull him closer because james was the only one who stubbornly stuck by his side even through all the years where he was horrible to james

Basically one of the fundamental differences i feel exists between jaith and klance is the idea that james and keith grew up together and only had eachother for a significant period of time. Keith lost his father and tried closing himself off to the world, but james refused to let that happen. Keith saw right past james’ charade of charming smiles and well ironed shirts to see the real him who was in desperate need of a significant connection. For every insecurity one of them has the other vehemently insists on loving them despite (or because of) it. For every bad thing one of them does the other will insist that its alright and that people grow and change.

They exist together through mutual respect, mutual rivalry, mutual love for eachother, and mutual hatred. They’re complicated little guys but no matter how much they claim to hate eachother they know that if they were separated they’d miss eachother desperately, almost violently.

Only when they’ve matured emotionally do they finally realize just how much they like eachother lol. Things get much better when teenage hormone’s aren’t in the mix

Only when they’re older do they realize how much they needed, and still need, eachother

Theyre made for eachother but the universe seems hell bent on tearing them apart.

They are mirrors of eachother but also opposites. They love eachother so much but dont dare to let that love fully show. Im in pain i hate them sm 😞

Here is a sort of masterlist of my headcanons ive made, and also heres a few more: 1, 2, 3

[kosmicdream]

im confident enough to post FFAK, which has anal prolapse, but i dont post the true drama....... my opinions about manga. *dramatic music* sometimes i kinda want to do some reviews.. its mostly me complaining.. it makes me sound so bitter like "do you like anything kosmic!" and..yes ! i do!!! okay!! i like a lot of things. once in a while, i dip my toes into a popular series to try to see if we are a good fit. Series like: Beastars, Dorohedoro, Dungeon meshi,ect.. and i kind. well. I dont like any of them LMAO. I mean, Ok, i actually really was into Beastars for a time, but after the fight with the bear guy (its been a few years sorry) and that story arc concluded.. it just spiraled to laughable levels and did not recover. I was genuinely laughing at it at times bc it kind of felt like a desperate scramble with the like. loopholes and power upgrades.. But I was invested for a time, it had a charm to me! I also loved the art and im curious about the authors next series about santa (partly because i too, am writing a story about santa). Dorohedoro has a great visual style, fun characters, i enjoyed reading but it also kinda didnt ...land for me beyond that, which is a shame. I feel like it is a series that "should" have clicked with me. And its like, not offensive to me but.. I'll forget that ive read the whole thing. I like STUFF in it. but thats not enough for me anymore. If i had read it when i was younger tho, it might have been a diff story. idk. My most unpopular opinion of all is that... I hated Dungeon Meshi.. Sure its ..pretty! cute designs. but i found it SO painfully boring and it actually was a struggle to finish. in the end, it felt like a waste of time.. SHOCKING take i know. That is the darling of everyones heart and i like, understand WHY its popular. .. but for me, i was not fed by anything. i am unfed and starved and going to eat elsewhere oh, and i.. as a person who has read a lot of fighting mangas.. I have tried to read chainsaw man, but i dont know if I can. I did finish Fire Punch. I'm surprised to say: i kinda liked it but it took a long time to force myself to read thru it. I honestly hated many aspects of Fujimoto's storytelling/character acting that i didn't think my opinion on it would change, but I'm a little more open to it now. I dont think i could ever super be into it or whatever, but i did find genuine enjoyment in aspects of fire punch. I did not really like look back. I haven't read his other one shot(s)? Where am i going with all this..I guess im giving some unrequested reviews after all...oops... a lot of this is spurred by how houseki no kuni is one of my most fav series, not only visually/characters/story/ect.. but i cant lie.... the ending... was kind of a flop for me... gorgeous and poetic ig sure but.. AUGH! it isnt what i wanted. maybe it'll be one of those "it'll grow on me" endings but thats mostly me having to go thru the 5 stages of personal grief and gaslight myself into it, but as the like actual honest first-reaction feeling it kinda lost me. I think it did not work when i felt the confrontation btwn phos/cinnabar wasn't the one i wanted to see. i will say tho, while im dissapointed, its not like a DEEP one or anything. I know its a miracle to even get to an ending.. i guess my take away feeling from it was like "everything fit together too well, too planned" but didnt feel planned, emotionally. I wasn't sold on it. Anyway, im here to speak my truth and my hot takes which, i honestly dont even want to have that one about HnK but its the real feeling i have for it.. Once again Utena's ending just has made all these other issues i have with various stories more obvious LOL

[saltwaterburns]

VERY EXPLICIT DETAILS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF MY FEELINGS AFTER FINISHING "THE EMPTY GRAVE"

I tabbed 5 pages: blue for 347, red for 354, green for 385, orange for 415 and yellow for the very last one

i. Lockwood tells Lucy about the blue sapphire necklace his dad got for his mum as a "symbol of his undying devotion".

I was listening to Radiohead for most of the book, and this scene in particular was very dear to me because "Weird Fishes/ Arpeggi" is almost most definitely Lockwood's song. Like. Everybody leaves when they get the chance to, but Lucy won't. Lucy is back here and he's with him and they're standing side by side and he nearly can't get the words out of his mouth that's gone incredibly dry but somehow he's telling her about the necklace in his palm and his mind is racing while thinking about how pretty it'd look against her supple skin. He's almost about to give it to her, his mouth is open but the words die in his throat because Kipps is leaning over the doorway and telling them that Winkman is here and now he might die and she might never really know about his feelings for her but it's okay, because she'll live. He'll make sure she'll live.

ii. "But, if anything, I had my eye on someone else."

"Good God, you don't mean George?"

"You must know there are other possibilities in this world."

Sweet, darling girl Holly and her unrecruited wlw crush. Sweet, darling Holly who was squealing on the inside whenever she caught a glance of Lucy, her glowing skin and twinkling eyes and bright hair. Sweet, darling girl Holly who couldn't help the mean words that sometimes spilled from her lips because God forbid anyone realised what actually might hide under those longing glances.

iii. Lucy and her pet Skully but Skully is being TAKEN AWAY and they're having an angsty goodbye.

I'm pretty sure I actually cried during this scene. As much as she hates to admit it, she's so fond of Skull and his company and she's so used to his vile, unannounced jokes and comments that when he's being taken away from her, her heart literally stops, even though she isn't in the living world anymore. We only realise what we have until we've lost it, and this quote fits here perfectly. Sure, she hates him and his comments are unneeded and he never helps her, but they can't just take him away, can they?

iv. "Marissa came by?" Lockwood asked. "Was she alone?"

"Hey, Lucy asks the questions around here," the youth said. "You can't just barge in and take over like you're the leader or something? Where's your respect?"

Bonus - Skull telling the Clapham Butcher Boy to "find his own human"

I GIGGLED SO LOUD. He's so emotionally dependent on her. Find your own goddamn human, fish face!! That's right!! He's my favourite character. Nothing intellectual to talk about here, it just made me smile really big.

v. She hung the symbol of Lockwood's father's undying devotion to his mother around. Her. Neck. Cause. Locky. Gave. It. To. Her.

CAN YOU HEAR MY SCREAMS AND SOBS? Oh my God, where do I even start? During the entirety of those 5 books, they've always ran and someone's been hunting them down and Penelope was always breathing over their shoulder but not anymore. They'll still take on dangerous jobs and get into little quarrels with Barnes but now Kipps and Flo are also part of their little 35 Portland Row agency. They'll still be in danger every day because that's just what their job requires but it's different because Lucy's got that little gemstone around her neck and it might not mean anything to simple onlookers but all the love and light that's ever been gathered in it is now shining upon her. It's casting a little golden halo around her head and it's all okay because even when death is looking them in the eye, they'll look at each other and nod and everything will be okay.

This is it! Thank you for reading my little rambles. I don't know how I'll ever recover, because 35 Portland Row will eternally be etched to my heart. As my favourite singer once sung, there'll always be a chamber in my heart dedicated to those three and all their little hooligan friends and the shenanigans they got into.

[vacantgodling]

this year was one of the first years in a long time that i TRULY committed myself to writing any and everything that i thought of and it’s been a really good feeling. so starting from this year, i wanna have a little year in review so i can look back and reminisce on how much i actually did cuz sometimes it’s hard to tell lol.

TOTAL WORDS WRITTEN (january — december 2023)

139,345 (as of 11/30 (google docs only))

i’ve written more probably, but my notes app is harder to keep track of word counts in. this total is also across all pieces of prose and poetry, though poetry isn’t a significant number lol

if this was all in one piece i’d probably have a full novel already lmao 💀

LONGEST SINGLE PIECE

paramour chapter 9 — masquerade, clocking in at 5,894 words

WIP THAT HAS MADE THE MOST HEADWAY BY THE NUMBERS

paramour is sitting pretty at 30k-ish words written overall (including me writing chapter 20 twice lol)

WIP THAT HAS MADE THE MOST HEADWAY BY THE HEART

definitely cage. i’ve had this fanfiction and wip for years and the fact that i’d finished the full outline like last year but didnt start writing it until now and how much headway ive made in such little time… i’m really proud of myself. i can’t wait to actually finish this bitch

TOP PIECES WRITTEN THIS YEAR

Worthless War -> the cherry on top, best thing i’ve written this year and probably in general for a long time.

Come To Bed -> when i lost my mind about buddy daddies earlier this year, this fic really encapsulated everything i felt about the show. i love the narration, i love how it’s fun and playful but also deep, and i remember having so much fun writing it.

Paramour Chapter 20 “Careless Whisper” -> the rewrite of chapter 20 i am UNREASONABLY obsessed with and it’s a shame i can’t post it here without giving so so so much away. i love it so much i am willing to share it with those who don’t care about spoilers lol but its smutty and emotionally charged and everything perfect about amon and hya’s fucked up mess

A Fool’s Errand -> this is in the role swap amon and hya au and tbh this au is So Fun to me. getting to be in amon’s head more often is definitely a treat and the description of the make out is PEAK

Good Feeling -> i will never be normal about hue and jihan and i think i captured their relationship esp in the early days perfectly so i’m just gonna cry about it

Ritual -> i really love this piece and giving life again to some old ocs meant a lot to me. + the smut 🤌🏾🤌🏾

Distraction -> no one knows or cares about these ocs but me and that’s okay i’ll just be feral about them on my own 😭

GOALS FOR NEXT YEAR

reach 150k words written overall

finish cage like it’s GOING to happen i will it

finish the first draft of paramour!!!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi cas, it’s grieving anon. Here for the vibes today. TAYLOR SWIFT… I mean… 

So, ive had a few weird things happen. I got distracted and fell over, and injured myself so yay… and then I had the weirdest thing happen.

So I mentioned I got nightmares right? That I woke my mum up by shouting and sitting up in my sleep. So I have a bunk bed (small room- needed space for a desk). And a few days ago I had this creepy dream and legit propelled myself out of bed- still half asleep and panicking. Then had to climb back in. 

And last night I literally crawled from lying down to the other end of my bed and climbed over the bars and fell OVER and OFF my bed to the floor 😭

You know the length of like, a normal door? It was like that far that I fell. I woke up both my parents. 

IM 16! I shouldn’t be flying out of bed. Luckily i’m not too hurt tho. I remember the dream, I was just climbing over a fence, I couldn’t feel the floor but I knew it was there so I let go, and then I WOKE UP ON MY FUCKIGN FLOOR. 

Like whyyyyy.

Anyway. So Long, London. My first favourite. “HOW MUCH SAD DID YOU, think I had, did you, think I had in me, HOW MUCH TRAGEDY?”

Then, of course, I Can Do It With A Broken Heart. AMAZING. Yes.

And, Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me? 

So far, they’re my fav but i’m sure the others will claw their way into my heart too. 

Anyway, my sisters been annoying me. She seems annoyingly fine. She called all the injury’s i’ve been getting “pre-exam” injuries… NO! They’re post fucking death injuries. 

I know her, I know she’s suffering in silence. But it means whenever I see her, she seems fine. And it’s fucking annoying. 

I don’t know anymore. My mum, she said her nightmares went away after my Nans death when she went to a grief therapist or something. i’ve never gone to a therapist. I don’t know how it’d feel. And, I don’t really have the time. 

But I don’t want to wake up on my floor again. 

I feel like I blinked and my life became this mess I can’t control. And I have no energy to anymore. I lost all my fire. I used to strive to learn and care and participate. Now i’d happily rot away. Why bother. 

Anyway (that’s like the third time i’ve said that now 🤦‍♀️) “IM JUST GETTING COLOUR BACK INTO MY FACE IM JUST MAD AS HELL CAUSE I LOVED THIS PLACE” 

Writing these at the end of some of my days has been very stress relieving so thank you. I’ve bullied myself into not picking the scab on the horrid massive cut I got from falling over. I’ve refrained from pressing into the bruises I got from sleep falling/climbing off my stupid bed. 

“IS IT A WONDER I BROKE. LETS HEAR ONE MORE JOKE”

 This isn’t even my usual music vibe 😭

“DONT YOU WORRY FOLKS, WE TOOK OUT ALL HER TEETH” Iconic. 

“YOU SHOULD BE. YOU SHOULD BE.”

“YOU WOULDN’T LAST AN HOUR IN THE ASYLUM WHERE THEY RAISED ME”

Literally everything i’ve tried to do this week has failed. School work, running, sleeping.

I’m so tired. 

Hi hon! I'm so glad to hear from you! <3

Nightmares after a loss are SUPER common, and you're right to know that they don't have to do with exams. As far as therapy, I know you said you don't have time, and I used to say the same thing but then I got to thinking...

I wasted SO much time being sad, run down, anxious, depressed. Like I probably spent at least an hour a day in anxiety paralysis, you know? So devoting an hour a week to STOPPING those symptoms actually saves me time, in the long run.

It may not feel the same for you, but it's something to think about! <3

I'm so glad you like TTPD. Using music to cope is also super helpful. Screaming lyrics is so...emotionally rejuvinating.

Keep messaging me <3 I'm thinking of you!

[ginnsbaker]

This chapter was so juicy omg lets get straight into it

Agatha literally embodies me 😂 everything shes said i’ve either said or thought. From her saying she never had faith in reader’s relationship with yelena to calling it a rebound. She’s exactly right and i’ll come back to those two quotes a little later. The other thing about sparky being a mastermind is something I genuinely thought earlier on i was like aw damn the dogs bringing them back together but I didn’t say anything and now i really wish i did cos same agatha same 😂

Im gonna speak about wanda briefly here and then I’ll come back to her affer. But in that whole conversation with agatha she’s very mature about the whole thing considering reader kissed her. She’s not getting excited about it out of respect for readers relationship(that’s already over but she doesn’t know that yet) shes also being cautious because of what happened last time with reader.

Im glad Valkyrie apologised and that wanda didn’t string her along honestly did not want another reader yelena relationship for lack of better words.

Vision is gone thank fuck for that he will not be missed.

Natasha. Quite possibly one of the saddest parts of the series. Nothing hurts quite like a friendship breakup between best friends. I said it last time and my views haven’t changed. Nat is supposed to be readers friend, while I completely understand why shes angry it makes sense yelenas her little sister and i get it but reader is also her friend. It a complicated situation because its very difficult to be neutral. Reader shouldn’t have cheated full stop. However, if we’re being realistic some could argue reader has been emotionally cheating since the start considering the love for wanda was always there. But back to my point this relationship should never have happened to begin with or at least not when it did. Yelena shouldn’t have pursued reader and reader shouldn’t have dated her either especially not without having the therapy that is so desperately needed. Im not blaming yelena or saying nat’s reaction is wrong because i truly understand both sides its just really sad that this is how its ended. Im not sure what your plans for nat are for once i genuinely dont have a clue.

I think its very ironic that at the start of this wanda didn’t really have that big a support group but now thats kind of the reverse because reader now has no one. I also think its very like idk what the word is “impactful” i guess that now reader’s lost everyone but wanda is still there for them.

Back to wanda. Idk how to feel because we know what happened to wanda last time they entered this sort of arrangement and i really don’t want it to again because she has made so much progress. On one hand i feel like she won’t let herself go back that far but the ones we love can be our weakness sometimes. And on the other hand it seemed different this time less aggressive like the way reader cushioned wandas head. But one thing I didn’t like was reader leaving with no aftercare i saw someone else say it and I definitely agree. PSA to everyone aftercare is so so so important okay? Good. And i also don’t like Wanda missing therapy because of this arrangement it feels like a step backwards (which isn’t necessarily a bad thing in terms of story writing cos like i said last time recovery is not a linear path and its really validating that you’ve included that)

And finally pietro. Oh dear god the anticipation is killing me. Ive been dying for chapter 17 and its almost here. He knows why wanda missed the sessions (or at least suspects) and i think hes got a picture of wanda in the hospital or maybe after he found her (im not quite sure who found wanda after she overdosed I don’t remember but uno what i mean💀) and hes gonna send it to reader maybe saying back off

I swear im in love with your brain youre incredible I can’t wait for chapter 17

-🧃

Reading your comments/thoughts is always a favorite habit of mine whenever I post an update. Like, srsly dude, I look forward to it.

There's something you highlighted that I did not even intended in the story: I think its very ironic that at the start of this wanda didn’t really have that big a support group but now thats kind of the reverse because reader now has no one. I also think its very like idk what the word is “impactful” i guess that now reader’s lost everyone but wanda is still there for them.

I guess that happened naturally. I mean, when you're maintaining a positive vibe in life and taking care of yourself in general, suddenly there's room for people in you life who also want to share the same outlook in life. You attract good energy. You're able to take care of relationships around you because you're in a good place. I guess that's what happened :)

Yes, aftercare is really important. R is neglecting herself, wasting away, so she really is incapable of thinking about another person's needs at this point.

My mind?? Look at your mind! Look at what you'll think Piet would do O_O

Once again, thank you! I super enjoy reading your points!

[lemonysnicket]

sage, nutmeg, and taro?

hi sunnyyY!!!

sage -> what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

oh boy oh boy... for me it's always music or paintings! music is always emotionally moving but every once in a while there will be a melody that just. Floors me. but also... certain paintings make my chest hurt with how they make me feel. the fun part of going to museums is seeing beautiful things and enjoying the stay but then... every once in a while you'll see a painting that just Hits. i have a few ive taken photos of over the years, but also literally nothing compares to seeing them in person. it's that feeling i get staring at the canvas that completely overwhelms me i wish i could capture it. i remember in the dreamer trilogy declan is looking at a blank gray painting and says something like "it just makes me want to goddamn cry" and he's so real for that i feel it every day. here are a few! i wish i remembered their titles or artists,,,

this one is the most tender depiction of queer love i've ever seen. the faces, the colors, the brush strokes and the way it fades off into abstraction... there's so much love in this painting i could cry

this one is by the same artist as the first! genuinely i got lost in this painting. i wish photos could capture it but this took up a whole wall and i couldn't stop looking at it. the colors, the detail on the faces and the abstraction everywhere else, the movement... had i not been with someone on this museum trip i could've sat looking at this painting all day.

now, this one... this one left me overcome with a feeling i genuinely cannot find the words to describe. i just can't quite put my finger on it, but it overwhelmed me with something . my chest hurt looking at it. the title of this painting was "painting for my dad" and the title and the black void of the painting were already so touching for me but someone had left a bouquet by it who knows how long ago, and all of that combined just Floored me

i don't really know what it is about this one - it's just bizarre and there are just these flat colors and these vertical trees and spindly lines that make me feel Something. idk. i just remember i couldn't stop staring at it

god i wish my phone camera could capture the beauty of oil paints - you can see how gorgeous this work is but you can't truly experience its beauty because it looked like she was glowing. her eyes had this luscious sparkle to them, and something about the painting had me transfixed. i walked around the rest of the museum with my family and i ended up wandering back to her on my own because i just could not stop looking at her. i fell in love with this painting and the woman in it for those few hours

r. c. gorman's works always make me feel a certain sort of way. the flatness and the abstract planes of the desert and the beautiful colors always create such a specific vibe and atmosphere that leaves me breathless

okay wow i went on a tangent! back to the actual questions lol

nutmeg -> how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

oooh!! ok so my room is quite a mess because i shared it for ages so there is way too much furniture and stuff in there and none of it matches or is cohesive. HOWEVER i do have one little section that is my absolute pride and joy. i have this old antique wooden dresser with this dark wood and this attached scuffed old mirror that's just gorgeous . i love it so much. i covered it with a little lace doily thing and an assorted collection of rocks i've picked up from rivers and beaches. there's a salt lamp on it, too, and a whole bunch of candles. i also have an adjacent section of wall i've decorated with post cards from art museums, so there are little art pieces next to it :3 while the rest of my room is not really that cute and doesn't share this theme, i do have a style that's very antique inspired

taro -> if someone called you right now to catch up, what’re the things you’d tell them about?

oooooh! i would probably tell them about how i've picked up guitar lately, how i'm learning a few adrianne lenker songs and i've learned the bug collector. i'd probably also talk about how i've gotten back into rp and i've been writing and brainrotting with friends. or my incoming academic stress, lol

[cluecap]

did someone say cookie ocs (long obnoxious ramble under cut)

Strawberry Ripple cookie (later known as Hound Knight cookie) and Salted Butter cookie are two characters from the paladin academy who realised being a paladin was not for them, but in two very very different ways

Salted Butter (any prns) is an emotionally volatile perfectionist who only wants to be the best, and gain other people's approval in order to feel valued - even if that means dragging competition down around them

Strawberry Ripple (they/he) is comparatively stone-faced but equally perfectionist. They are much more anxious about expressing themselves, more wanting to do whatever they can to avoid 'not being good enough', whatever that means to them (which changes over their story)

Unable to connect with their peers in any meaningful way, these two met each other in the Paladin Academy of the Creme Republic and fell near-immediately into a rivalry as they tried to claw their way to the top. Throughout their time there they slowly grew closer, realising they've never found someone they can understand as much as the other.

A toxic dynamic that keeps them on their toes is what helps them survive the academy's cutthroat training (headcanon lol), but as their priorities slowly change over the course of the story, an argument that takes place during odyssey chapter 3 causes Salted Butter to mysteriously vanish, and Strawberry Ripple to fall into a deep depression as they begin to question everything they have built up to until now

He nonetheless graduates, honoured as one of the paladins that fought during the war and yet feeling like a husk of who they once were. Burnout destroys their mental health as they're scorned by their upper city family and instead find community amongst the lower city residents, just trying to make it day to day

Learning to heal takes time, but they eventually do, with the help of new friends and a reignited passion for helping others; something they thought they'd lost during the paladin academy

He now spends his time reborn as Hound Knight cookie, a mercenary and hero amongst the lower city residents, who gained their title from their fondness for cake hounds that led them to also start a cake hound rescue centre on the side :33

They wonder if Salted Butter ever will return one day. They're not sure what they'd do if she does. This doesn't stop them from losing sleep over her every single night, wondering what went wrong, and what would happen if she was still here, now

He's completely unaware that every night, Salted Butter too loses sleep, thinking of him and what would have happened if they'd stayed. For now they spend their days quietly wondering if they'll ever find the approval for existing that they wish for, as they take their place amongst the pews of the St. Pastry Order church and begin their prayers with the rest of the congregation

-----

...for those interested ive been fiddling around with fic writing as well, exploring their dynamic during their days in the paladin academy. it's awesome i can't wait to make them get worse

https://archiveofourown.org/works/66382456/chapters/171181723

they like. have a happy ending. but that includes other characters and a Lot of time and i have college work i should rly be working on before hte deadline in ummm 3 hours LOL

questions and also oc interactions welcome..when i find time i will post their refs. theyre silly!!! i love my little oc freaks so so much. writing them has helped me work thru a lot of shit over the past few months i forgot how fun OC writing is raaaaaaaahghrhjgr!!!!