#ep. outcast

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Long Goodbye, Pt. 14

Phoebus has just ordered Teyla to kill Thalen and Sheppard with him, and because she now reiterates her "or else," this is when Sheppard finally discovers what is actually at stake here. For Thalen it makes no difference, he does not care about anyone or anything else but killing Phoebus -- or at the very least surviving her attempt at killing him, thus ending their war in a stalemate. But Sheppard cares, knowing many of the people personally and being responsible for all of them, their safety and security. If previously Thalen and Sheppard had both agreed when they had flippantly told Teyla to just ignore her, this is when Sheppard would start screaming inside his head in earnest. Even though we see no change on his face, Thalen in complete control of his body, Sheppard would definitely have a problem with this. And note that again, even though no one is speaking just then, we see McKay looking up into the distance as though he is listening to something.

Phoebus: Kill him now, or I vent halon fire suppressant into all the living spaces in Atlantis. Caldwell: McKay? McKay: I know, I know. I'm almost done here. Teyla: Colonel, can she do this? Chuck: Yes. She's created a shunt between the fire suppressant system and life support. Caldwell: I believe so. Teyla: How many people are at risk? Caldwell: Three-quarters of the expedition.

If Sheppard is screaming inside Thalen's head, trying to get heard, he would likely be trying to say something like TEYLA, YOU GOT TO DO IT, given that she is immediately involved with the situation, or RODNEY, STOP HER, given that we know Sheppard has absolute faith in McKay's abilities and this venting of halon fire suppressant into the living spaces sounds like something McKay should be able to keep her from doing. The latter seems more likely because although he would rather give up his life than have hundreds of people die for him, he may not be quite "there" yet with needing his friend and colleague to shoot him dead. It was only now that the full scope of the problem they were facing had even been revealed to him.

Now, we keep seeing McKay do this, stopping very obviously to listen. It is possible he is merely listening to the exchange as he can hear it from the security camera feed (even though, as pointed out, no one was talking when he had stopped to listen this time), and certainly the fact that it is the life of his lover that is on the line would grab his attention. They are discussing Sheppard, the woman who is holding the whole city hostage demanding that he be killed immediately. It is understandable that McKay would find this mighty distracting. And yet there must be some reason we were told that no one could hear Weir screaming inside Phoebus' head but it is left ambiguous whether Sheppard had the same experience as her.

Because whether it is inside his head or with his ears, McKay is attuned to Sheppard. His entire focus should be on cracking the system to save all the people in the city but for him, Sheppard is more important. Teyla asks how many lives are at stake like it is a rational calculus of how many lives can be exchanged for one where McKay would never need to ask that. Sheppard is the most important thing in his life bar none. Note also that McKay claims to be nearly done with something that was supposed to take him hours to accomplish. Either Phoebus using Weir's knowledge of the system had vastly underrated McKay's abilities, which seems unlikely, or McKay is getting some kind of help in cracking the system, and it is not necessary that he even realizes this is happening himself.

Teyla: Why are you doing this? Phoebus: I have spent my entire life at war with his world. Thousands have died with no hope for victory, both sides reduced to a mere handful of fighters. If he really is the last, then in the end my people will have won.

Whether she is doing this consciously to play for time, to give McKay time to hack his way into the system (and it is not entirely clear Teyla even knows what they are trying to do, having been out of the loop and only given instructions by Caldwell) or she just wants to know, Teyla does the thing that Beckett had suggested Caldwell try on for size earlier: she tries talking to her. And whether it is the intended consequence or not, this moment is important enough for Phoebus to start speechifying, hence running down the clock. It is a grandiose oration, worthy of the end of their long war. She is speaking for all of her people, all the lives that they had lost along the way. Note that Thalen does not say anything, merely looking up at Teyla with what he intends to be sincere eyes. If is difficult to know what he is thinking, what kind of strategy he is devising to use, but given that he is tied up, we have seen Sheppard use both manipulation and charm in such situations, to use his skills in psychological warfare.

It could be that he is not sure which one of them to start working over, which one would be easier to get to. Teyla with her gun is the immediate problem but Phoebus is the bigger problem and while Thalen does not care about the three quarters of the expedition she is holding hostage, he realizes that Teyla does. For Sheppard, the three quarters of the expedition are much more important and where Thalen is trying to devise a plan to save his own ass, Sheppard wants to save the people, not necessarily even knowing whether McKay is among those people or not. This is where Sheppard might start screaming inside his head for Teyla, who of course cannot hear him. Sheppard does not want to die but he cannot take all of those lives on his conscience either. Teyla is going to have to do the right thing. The hard thing. He does not envy her.

Thalen: Don't believe her! Phoebus: Believe me when I say I have absolutely nothing to lose. In a very short time, I will feel excruciating pain, this body will convulse, and I will cease to exist. That's what is ahead for me. All I can hope for now is to achieve victory for my people. Teyla: Phoebus, your people are long dead. Who lost or won a war so many years ago does not matter. Phoebus: It matters to me.

Thalen tells Teyla not to believe what Phoebus is saying and to be fair, she has been lying to them from the very beginning. This too is something that Thalen and Sheppard might both say to Teyla since, through Thalen, Sheppard now probably knows the truth about their war. We never learn the backstory beyond her version of their history. Whether her version matches the events or she is putting a spin on them, what is obvious is that she is using Weir's skills as a diplomat and a negotiator here, delivering this speech like she might once have delivered an address at the UN. Thalen likely does not care one whit what Teyla believes but it is important for him to destabilize the hold Phoebus seems to have on her, having convinced Teyla that she is in charge of the situation. Even though we are not watching Weir and Sheppard go against each other, the alien entities are making use of their respective gifts and giving us a taste of what it might be if the two actually were forced to work against each other.

It is obvious that Teyla does not want to do what Phoebus is demanding she do, and is trying her damnedest to talk her out of it using her own skills as a negotiator, as someone who has brokered many deals. in Trinity (S02E06) she had told Ronon: "A negotiation is a delicate process -- the words spoken are often meaningless." Here, Teyla is trying to make her feel seen and heard, to acknowledge her anguish in the hope that they might be able to find a peaceable solution to their conflict -- but she is far beyond reason. And yet Phoebus' line "It matters to me" is interesting here, especially if we recognize that it has been months since Sheppard and McKay had fallen apart. It has been such a long time that it should not matter who was right and who was wrong. They should let bygones be bygones. McKay seems to have forgiven Sheppard after the events of Trinity but it seems like Sheppard is still holding on to some hurt, perhaps McKay asking him for more time, some words that had been spoken. What ever it is, he is unable to let go.

Thalen: If you kill me, you'll kill him. He cares for you more than you know. Teyla: Please do not make me do this.

Many people have noted the fact that we get a close-up of McKay following Thalen's line to Teyla, his face in anguish. Even though he has been doing this, freezing in place to stop and listen, ever since Thalen had regained consciousness, it is especially noticeable here. Even the mainstream interpretation is that McKay is jealous but for them this jealousy is motivated by friendship. Whether or not one interprets the relationship between Sheppard and Teyla as having romantic undertones or just being friendly, the implication is that McKay is jealous of their connection. That McKay is somehow being slighted here.

In this episode, we have been given the opportunity to see the special connection Sheppard has with Ronon and now his special connection with Teyla and if one goes on only by the maintext, one has to come to the conclusion that he simply lacks this with McKay, that they do not have a special bond that is "deeper than words." There is very little indication in the episode that they even like each other, there is scoffing over television at the start, McKay whining about Weir's imprinting not being his fault and Sheppard telling him to quit his bellyaching, McKay throwing a sarcastic quip at Sheppard before he goes under and then shooting him with the gun that Sheppard had given to him for reasons that must be inexplicable for the mainstream viewer. And now McKay is upset that Sheppard cares about someone else more than him when he so yearns for that friendship.

Let us start with the fact that Thalen is saying this to Teyla because he is trying to manipulate her. He can tell, both by what he has been watching and what he knows through Sheppard, that Teyla is a very empathetic person. Teyla cares about him and does not want to kill him, and he can work with that. He is trying to make Teyla feel sympathy for him, trying to forge a bond between the two of them, between Thalen and Teyla, through the fact that they both care about Sheppard's well-being. They both want Sheppard to live, so they should work together. But even though it is Thalen saying this, it does not mean that what he says is untrue. This likely is what Sheppard thinks. He is not very expressive of his feelings so caring about her more than she knows is a low bar, but Sheppard cares about her a lot. Their conversation in Sateda (S03E04) is basically a confirmation of this. Sheppard tells Teyla that she is like family to him. We have no reason to think that what Thalen is saying that Sheppard feels here is a lie.

However, while many mainstream viewers will jump directly to romance (Do not pass go!) because it is a man and a woman, nowhere is it said that what Sheppard feels toward her has any romantic undertones. There are many ways to care about people, and Sheppard cares for her as a good friend, the first friend that he had made in this galaxy and probably the first friend he had made in a long time. But we also have no reason whatsoever to think that Sheppard was lying at the end of Conversion (S02E08) when he told her that he does not think of her like that, and she also seemed relieved to hear this. They are friends, nothing more, which is also how Teyla had also described her relationship with Ronon.

Their conversation in Sateda made it clear that while he considers Teyla, Ronon and McKay all his family, McKay is in a whole other category to the others. As McKay stops what he is doing to listen to this exchange, hearing Thalen speak words that he has longed to hear from Sheppard for a long time, he is not motivated by friendship. That is not why it looks like this hurts him to hear. Teyla and McKay have very similar expressions here, they are both in as much anguish and it is because Teyla is not the only one asked to make a tough choice here. While what Thalen says is true of what Sheppard feels for Teyla, it is also absolutely true of what he feels for McKay. He cares for McKay more than he will ever know, more than he can even understand. But he is also trying actively to keep McKay from knowing how much he cares.

As we have discussed during the several previous episodes, Sheppard is not very good at expressing his feelings. He is not good at verbalizing his emotions, and probably does not even know how to name them. Coming from a childhood home where caring was probably shown through cool detachment, having lost his mother when he was young, being cared for by nannies and shipped off to private schools, Sheppard is severely emotionally stunted. In Outcast (S04E15), his ex-wife makes a comment about knowing him, making it seem like it is unfortunate that she does know him as well as she does. Their main problem seems to have been the fact that Sheppard did not want to be in the marriage because he had only married her to please his father, but they probably had other problems as well. Later he tells Ronon that he was not very good at marriage. At least he is self-aware about all that.

Sheppard and McKay fell in love during the first season, and they both definitely had recognized what it was they felt by Letters from Pegasus (S01E17). But it seems like to this episode they have never neither of them spoken the "L-word". In fact, it is not until Tao of Rodney (S03E14) that the word is spoken between them and even there they need Weir to function as an intermediary, which we have seen her do before. We'll get back to that episode (and why Sheppard decides to make the moment as awkward as possible) later but just to reiterate something I've written previously, the conversation between Weir and McKay at the end of the episode seems to reflect something that had likewise taken place between Sheppard and McKay that we never got to see. And yet the episode confirms that the word was now out there, it had been spoken. McKay was not wrong in thinking that it took him nearly dying to get Sheppard to say it. McKay yearns for that verbal confirmation of meaning something to Sheppard, acknowledgement of his importance, of being chosen by him. And here, listening to him speak the words to Teyla that he has been longing to hear for months and months, it feels to him like he is again not being chosen. Someone else is being chosen in his stead.

But McKay hears him say these words. That much is obvious. And yet Sheppard probably does not want to say them. It has to be killing him to hear Thalen say something like that without his consent. What Sheppard is thinking inside his head we do not know but let us recall that McKay had said to him before he had gone under that he thought this might have been a way for "two survivors to say one last goodbye," for lovers to say farewell, and while Sheppard never wants to say goodbye, it is something that McKay very much desires. He is forced to keep quiet and listen to this when any moment could be the last, when any breath Sheppard takes could be his last, and he is unable to say anything to him. McKay is not allowed to say goodbye to him.

Also, let us recognize the fact that although Thalen could have outed Sheppard easily during this episode, he never does it because this is not about Sheppard, this is about him not getting killed by Phoebus. Even if Sheppard was thinking about McKay inside his head, of wanting to get some message to him, wanting to say anything to him, Thalen has no incentive to relay his messages. He is not speaking for Sheppard here, he is speaking for himself. He is driving his own agenda. Sheppard's big illicit gay love affair is of no concern to him. McKay had shot him. He wants to keep Sheppard as far away from McKay as possible and he is certainly not about to pass him a note with Sheppard's final words on it. That is not what this is about.

Although Thalen is speaking of what Sheppard feels for Teyla, inside his head Sheppard has to be thinking about McKay because he is always thinking about McKay. He is thinking about McKay's safety and his well-being, not wanting him to die suffocating on halon gas. He might also be holding on to hope that McKay will be able to save him because he has always come through for him. If Sheppard is screaming anything inside his head, it has to be a variation of what he is always telling McKay, RODNEY, WORK FASTER.

Thalen: You don't have to. Phoebus: Shoot him, or I release the gas and just hope it reaches the both of you. Caldwell: She has the capability of doing what she claims. Teyla... I'm not gonna tell you what to do. Phoebus: I am. Kill him.

Teyla is in a difficult situation, many people making demands on her at the same time. She is undoubtedly faced with a very difficult moral dilemma. She is kind of like the goat between the two bails of hay, Phoebus and Thalen both trying to tug at her, to get her do what they want. And as they both tell her what to do, Caldwell leaves the choice to her. This is not an act of kindness because if she was a member of the Earth military, it would be Caldwell's duty to give her the order to either comply or to stand down.

That is the very reason why the military as a chain of command, that soldiers are free to comply with orders without having to pontificate the moral implications of their choices. That is the totalizing nature of the military apparatus, it is meant to vanish the individual in service to the whole. This is not an act of kindness on Caldwell's part but an acknowledgement that he has no jurisdiction over her, especially when it comes to killing the actual commander of this operation. He cannot give the order to kill Sheppard, but he also cannot give an order that will lead to the death of three quarters of the expedition, so he opts not to play and takes the easy way out. If it had been one of his space marines that had caught Sheppard, he would not have this luxury. He would have to give the order, and he would have to bear the responsibility for it. Now he is able to relinquish this responsibility to a native woman of this galaxy who seems wholly unequipped in dealing with this dilemma, this moral choice.

But let us make note of the really interesting thing here, which is that what Caldwell and Phoebus (who is narrative mirror for Sheppard) say here parallels what Weir and Sheppard had told Zelenka in Grace Under Pressure (S02E14). Weir tells him "I'm not going to order you to go" and Sheppard says "I will!" The situation is the inverse of this, as they are discussing rescuing McKay where now they are discussing killing Thalen, narrative mirror to McKay, with Caldwell filling Weir's role. Again there is a conversion of what had taken place between Sheppard and McKay. And although Sheppard's intention was to rescue McKay, he seemed more than willing to sacrifice both his own and Zelenka's life to do it. Thalen is shown sitting down on the floor with his hands tied, not unlike McKay stuck in the rear compartment of the jumper unable to do anything but wait to be rescued. This exchange seems to more than confirm how Phoebus and Thalen have been used as narrative mirrors, and the roles that they bear.

Note again that as Phoebus gives the order, we see McKay stop what he is doing entirely. He now gives Caldwell a look that is part anger and part betrayal. He is pleading for Caldwell to do something when it is he that is meant to be doing something to remedy this situation. His face is saying how can you let her? If he had been able to focus on hacking the system, he might have been able to get in earlier but he seems very much distracted by what he hears is taking place in the camera feed.

There is also the possibility that McKay is channelling Sheppard here, that his expression is due to what Sheppard is thinking about Caldwell's decision not to give the order to Teyla, understanding the implications. If there is anyone that gets what Caldwell does here, shirking his responsibility because he is disinclined to make the tough call possibly due to his own recent experiences and because the whole purpose of his visit had been to make amends. But Sheppard gets that this is an insult to Teyla, this is the same thing Bates had been doing, which was to refuse to see her as a full member of this operation. She is a part of Sheppard's team and if he was in the same situation, he would give the order because that is his responsibility. By giving the order, he would make it easier for her. He would take the bigger portion or her burden to carry for himself. So the fact that McKay looks mad as he glances at Caldwell, this probably matches what Sheppard is feeling right now precisely.

Thalen: Sheppard doesn't believe you'll do it. Teyla: Forgive me, John.

Thalen is looking up at Teyla saying nothing, likely trying to feverishly think of something that might get him and with him Sheppard out of this predicament. For some reason, we keep getting shots of McKay as though his situation, McKay's hackathon, is just as intense as what is happening with Teyla. In the beginning of the episode they had spotted what they thought were two "ships," one in a lower orbit than the other, and this whole scene is a masterclass in using a relationship in the maintext, here a close friendship between a man and a woman, to run cover for the relationship in the subtext that could never be textualized. It is really not that subtle at all when you know to look for it. McKay is in this scene with them because that is his rightful place. What ever decision Teyla makes, it does not just affect her and Sheppard, it very much affects McKay.

Thalen tells Teyla that Sheppard does not think she will do it, and again it is possible he is telling the truth. It is possible that it is what Sheppard thinks, but the tone in which Sheppard thinks it is probably very different from Thalen. Thalen sounds almost gleeful, as though he has figured out something important. For Sheppard, thinking that Teyla will not be able to do it likely comes from a place of despair. We noted earlier that there is a difference between someone that is unable to shoot you because they love you and someone who is capable of shooting you when they know that not doing it would cost you your soul. Sheppard would never be able to live with three quarters of the expedition dying because of him on his conscience, and he has to be silently begging for Teyla to take the shot. But he does not think she has it in her, as tough as she is.

She cares about him very much but she does not know her as well as a lover would. He had given his gun to McKay before agreeing to go under because he wanted McKay to have something to protect himself with if things went South, and to shoot him if it ever came down to that. If the alien had been about to use his body to do something that Sheppard could not live with, he gave the gun to McKay so that he would take him out. We do not know what McKay would have done in this situation, but we did already see him shoot at Sheppard just like Sheppard had meant for him to do. Whether or not he did it because of some mental push from Sheppard is irrelevant because either way, he was doing what Sheppard wanted him to do. Even if it killed him -- and it probably would -- McKay would always try to do what Sheppard wanted him to do. Sheppard never needs to give him orders because fulfilling his wishes is what McKay desires. So Sheppard does not think that Teyla will do it but he wishes that she could. This is a state of affairs that makes Thalen gleeful and Sheppard anguished.

In calling Sheppard John, Teyla is again bringing the episode back to Conversion (S0208) where Teyla had been forced to shoot at Sheppard because in his bug form he had been advancing on her, having already assaulted her once. She told him, "Please do not make me do this" but even though he had been threatening her life, she had only been able to fire on the floor in front of him in an attempt at scaring him to back off. Even when Sheppard had been a threat to her own life, Teyla had been unable to shoot him even just to injure him. And it is possible that it is for that very reason that Sheppard now thinks that she won't be able to do it this time either. Earlier Thalen had told Ronon that he was the only one he could trust not to shoot him on sight, but it may actually be Teyla that he can trust not to shoot him, how ever much Sheppard would now like him to.

So, if we look at each member of Sheppard's team and what they likely would have done in this situation, Ronon probably would not only have not shot Sheppard, he would have let any number of people die to save his life. His loyalty is to Sheppard and he would not have felt any kind of way about sacrificing people to save him even if it would have destroyed Sheppard to know so many would have died for him. Ronon would have sacrificed the others. Teyla, as we see, is unable to make the choice. She cannot shoot him but she cannot sacrifice the others either, so she winds up in the same situation as Ronon but through inaction. She is unable to choose, so he is saved and the others die. If McKay was in the same situation, he would have faced the authentic "Trolley problem" because there would not have been anyone working to "Kobyashi Maru" the situation, like he is doing for Teyla now. He would have had to choose between actively killing Sheppard or letting hundreds of innocents die, knowing that Sheppard would not have wanted either one of them to have to live with their lives on their conscience. And McKay both knows Sheppard well enough and loves him deep enough that he would have made the decision he knows Sheppard would have wanted him to make, regardless of the personal cost to him. That is why Sheppard had given him his own gun.

We may recall that one of the first things Sheppard had been forced to do when he had come to this galaxy was to take the life of his own commanding officer as an act of mercy, convinced that it is what the man would have wanted him to do. Later, when describing the event to Colonel Everett, Colonel Sumner's close friend, they have the following exchange:

Sheppard: By the time I reached Colonel Sumner— Everett: Worse, you admit to firing the shot that killed him. Sheppard: Because I believe that's what he wanted me to do. Everett: You knew him that well, did you? Sheppard: You weren't there, sir. Everett: I wish, for his sake, I was.

The implication here is that because Everett knows that he knew Sumner better than Sheppard, he would have tried harder to save him and would not have taken his life, thinking that Everett would never have wanted to be shot even though Sheppard is correct that in the situation he had been in, beyond saving and in excruciating pain, he was with his eyes pleading for Sheppard to do the kind thing even knowing that he had not earned the man's kindness and was owed only his obedience. But Sumner was not in a position to make it an order and so Sheppard had to make a choice, and he was the one who had to bear the responsibility. It is a heavy burden to bear, and he tells Everett: "There isn't a night that doesn't go by where that moment doesn't play in my head…" Later on, after Everett has had a personal experience that had given him only a taste of what Sumner had suffered, they revisit the conversation:

Everett: I... owe you an apology. Sheppard: No, sir, you don't. Everett: I think I have a pretty good idea. I would have done the same thing as you did when you found Colonel Sumner. It's what I wanted to tell you. Sheppard: Well, none of that matters right now, sir. Everett: I'm trying to say... I wish you had been there for me.

Everett is basically telling him the same as Phoebus had just told Teyla, "It matters to me." It had never been that Everett was not prepared to do the same for his fiend, only that he had underestimated the wraith as an adversary. He had not understood what they were up against. But now that he understood, he knew that he would have done the same and he tells Sheppard, even though he survived, that he wishes someone had been there to do the same for him. The merciful thing. The kind thing. The thing you do when you really love someone is to let them go when it is better for them and not hold onto them selfishly because you cannot bear to let them go.

If there is anyone who knows how Sheppard feels about this, it is McKay. If there is anyone he has talked with about any of this, it is McKay. If there is anyone who knows his last will and testament, it is McKay. It is McKay who he considers his next of kin, who he considers the person who should be the one to make medical decisions for him when he is unable to do them for himself even when he has no official capacity to be this for him. He wants McKay to be this. And McKay had already shot him. Twice. McKay has always come through for him even if he now suddenly seems to have trouble even reading the code on his screen through the tears in his eyes.

Continued in Pt. 15

[tanasha-not-yet]

[dr-futbol-blog]

WIth tags: #Sheppard/Holland#John Sheppard#Charlie Holland#or Lyle Holland if you please#SGA legacy novels#these are basically fanfic so I guess take them as canon or not#but they're pretty fun (at least the first few)#LtCol Mel Hocken is John's lesbian friend from college who is the 302 squadron commander on Sam's ship#Hocken says John was a sweet awkward kid in college if anyone cares to know

The tie-in novels might be semi-canon at the best of times but it does go to show that several people have made the same, actually rather obvious, connection. I mean, I made the reading immediately still half-way through watching Phantoms for the first time, but Vegas only confirmed it by swapping the gender. The only possible reason for it would have been to confirm what many had already suspected of the other Sheppard.

Also, and I'll return to this later, the timeline of his court martial, divorce and falling out with his father are not made explicitly clear but Vegas also suggests that the thing was swept under the rug for political reasons, and Outcast, an episode that is 100% about the prodigal gay coming back home (Jesus Christ, it's in the title; and while they're all very polite about it, everyone at the funeral thought that he brought this beefcake boytoy with him to rub it in, a final act of defiance), suggests that John's father would have had both the clout and the motivation to make this happen. Also, Sheppard, bitterly if I may say so, describes his brother with: "That's what he does – he handles things."

My heart breaks for this man.

Thought I'd post some of the interesting Holland/Sheppard stuff from the SGA Legacy novels by Jo Graham as we're chatting about them on @dr-futbol-blog's brilliant post here: https://www.tumblr.com/dr-futbol-blog/749734927874113536/stargate-atlantis-s01e01-rising-1-on-make-a-gif

As some background, in novel #2 (The Lost) Teyla & John are in a cave after John makes a typical rash Sheppard-style decision and bad things happen (it was to potentially find Rodney who is missing, so honestly what's new.) John has a nightmare about his attempted rescue of Holland and he and Teyla talk about the events of Phantoms:

Teyla talks with Major Tyrone Franklin who was in Afghanistan at the time Sheppard's court-martial was going down and talks about some other charges:

Then in novel #4 (The Furies):

Sam ends up (rightfully) giving a sharply worded warning to Major Franklin, who is her First Officer, and Lorne is the best.

Sam and John also have a discussion about frat rules and DADT:

[revive-the-fandom]

Love the maps! I am curious as to why you've put the northern markets where you did though. The show isn't always great with its cartography but at one point Snotlout did say the northern markets were in the opposite direction to Berk (from Dragon's Edge)

I would love to talk about the maps!!

but chief, i gotta say... you make a good point on this one.

I think there's so many inaccuracies within the shows geography (within how they describe directions, esp things like Outcast Island) that I dismissed Snotlout's tidbit as just, one of those things.

but actually, I don't really see any reason why I couldn't move it more North, so it's just South of Caldera Cay?? It wouldn't make it "the opposite direction" so much as like.. west instead of south. but still, it would put the point across that there's a visible difference in direction

- and it would also make sense as to how the Defenders of the Wing would be able to get there and trade with people

- and it would explain the heightened Hunter prescene since it'd be deeper into Hunter territory.

- and it would explain why it's the Northern markets to people outside of Berk...

I may have to do some fiddling, hmm.

but mostly I was concerned that the official map seems to put the Northern Markets further away from the Edge than Berk? Like if Berk is easier to get to, then go to Berk?? Not the Hunter infested, expensive, probably illegal trade centre?

but I would be against putting it any further west, since it's supposed to be close to the Edge than Berk. putting it further east would push it out of Hunter territory, which doesn't work for the vibes (and Hunter presence). it's already as South as I dare put it. too far North and it interrupts the Eruptodon's migration to Vanaheim, which, a market is gonna attract ships from all directions so Caldera -> Vanaheim has to stay pretty clear. plus too close to Caldera Cay and the Riders would have found it before Viggo pointed it out.

so.. I'd probably nudge it to just above Gustav's Treasure Island, but not much more than that? idk, thoughts?

[filmjunky-99]

s t a r t r e k t h e n e x t g e n e r a t i o n created by gene roddenberry Soren of the J'naii [the outcast, s5ep17]

'We prefer to stay warm by sleeping with a friend.' - soren [to riker]

[fisksaturday]

i watched "guy vs guy" earlier with some friends cuz im showing one of them genrex and like. such a miserable episode to watch. i don't like second-hand embarrassment, claire doesn't say anything in the entire episode, and like. the concept is crazy, like noah just being King of Pranks for no reason? it doesn't fit into any of his character traits that have been established. i can imagine noah being so vigilant that rex can't prank him, but him pranking rex is weird to me

also like. noah being popular? More Popular Than Rex? what are you on about for real. where am i. it's so dark

[arknights-archive]

EP illustration - Whistle Stop

[howtodrawyourdragon]

Thinking about how Calder went to extreme lengths to transform himself into a dragon (made armor based on it, tattood his literal entire body, kidnapped people just to have Hiccup and Toothless be his missing fire and wings) while Hiccup is seen as Other throughout the franchise without even trying.

[abbeyarchives]

It's still Monday so this counts as being uploaded on time. New Abbey Archives! We FINALLY begin The Outcast of Redwall

[moononmyfloor]

Dashing Youth Ep 1-10 Commentary

Ep 11-16, Ep 17-21, Ep 22-25, Ep 26-32, Ep 33-35, Ep 36-40

Alrighty let's organise all my thoughts in neat lil piles.

1. Personally the type of Wuxia I enjoy is the more subdued, mature and philosophical vibe like that of Sword Snow Stride and Mysterious Lotus Casebook. I rarely watch youthful, lighthearted, rom-comey wuxia/xianxia/xuanhuan. I didn't enjoy BoY a lot and I still wonder how I managed to finish it, the few characters I loved were Wuxin, Tang Lian, Zhao Yuzhen, Prince Chong and Prince Lingchen, because they had the acting style and character arcs that were closer to my preferences.

I clicked on Dashing Youth just for the curiosity and out of "since I watched BoY anw, I'm kinda obligated for this" feeling, but unexpectedly, within 10 mins I was in love lol. Many of the actors I already know and love, the bromance is instantaneous and strong, the promise of a good tragedy is alluring, and I could enter the worldbuilding faster because I already know what to expect from this universe.

AND I ADORE how the casting directors seem to have chosen actors with BLs/BL-vibe shows under their belt for all the important roles, they all know exactly what to do and like:

I for one am not mad about all the CP pushing promo the showmakers are doing. I mean, even if this was a super straight story we'll end up with gay fanfics anyway, right? So just as well we get to see our fantasies haha 😏

Like, that's an adorable thumbnail!

OK without further ado, getting myself invited into the Daddies' party time!!

By ep 4, Dongjun has so far charmed the asses off of Spear daddy, Lei daddy, and now Liu Xueyi's daddy. At this rate, I'll have to assume that the future kids are gonna be procreated not via their future wives, but through the consummation of the daddies' elaborate spiritual bodies when they flirt-duel lol

(Exactly like that)

Now I really wanna see a 重回我爸的高中时代 (Back to My Dad's High School Days) edit for Dongjun and his harem from the kids' povs Like here .

Ep 6- You did indeed, Wu Xie 2.5!

Hou Minghao collects new boyfriends, old boyfriends and his own other-selves like pokemon😆 Also gotta say that everytime I see Bai Shu now I feel like a proud parent. He's grown so much from the grumpy scrawny bb Wu Xie era huhu

Ep 9- It's amazing how I personally didn't really enjoy BoY, but Wuxin instantly got my love and while I'm 10x more drawn to Dashing Youth, the one who won me over above everyone else is again, Wuxin's dad. Also, Wuxin's dad is a chef! How can I not love this baby!

Everyone showing off martial arts while they are in their own world, serving a buffet lmao

Lei Mengsha looking at this poster: Yep, I can see this polycule is not a good idea. Usually I'm all in but I'll sit this one out and go make my two kids in peace. I'll have my chance with HMH in another universe anw

Despite being the silliest of them all, LMS is the only one who gives the vibe he'll always stand straight on his two feet even if the entire world goes topsy-turvy. I don't even need to look at BoY to be proven correct.

Ep 10- Ever since his intro from ep 1 where he went all, "wow, what a fate!", I love the parts they do these crossover jokes

(In fact, instinctively performing Qimen Dunjia is possibly how LMS figured out the trajectory the other boys were going to be in LMAO)

Now they need to add some tomb robbing jokes when Bai Shu and Neo interact and it'd be perfect!

Also it feels kinda fateful that Lei Wujie would go bond with Xiao Se, Lei Mengsha was best bros with his uncle Langya.

[astarlightmonbebe]

one thing about hou minghao is that he cuts a fine side profile

[dr-futbol-blog]

Epiphany, Pt. 9

Some time has passed, Sheppard appears to have healed and is at the very least fully dressed (very likely in Avrid's clothes, or the clothes of who ever Hedda's father had been), and we see him step outside into the village for what might be the first time. Avrid is there to receive him, literally with open arms, and sounds happy to see him. He smiles, and we can also hear the smile in his voice. There are people toiling all around them, most of them seeming to be young and attractive and dressed in flowing, airy clothes in earthy colours (the red-white colour scheme may not be an accident given the many references in the episode to Through the Looking Glass). While it is not clear whose house and bed Sheppard had found himself in or whose house he lives in for the remainder of his stay here, it is obvious that he thinks of himself as Avrid's guest here. Avrid is his context. It is to Avrid that he turns for answers now.

Avrid: I'm glad you're feeling better. Welcome to your new home. Sheppard: Avrid... I'm happy to visit and I'm grateful for the food and the whole healing thing, but... do you know the way out of here? Avrid: There is no way to leave, John, other than to ascend. Sheppard: What exactly do you mean by "there's no way"?

So, we may note that while Sheppard and Avrid stand further apart from each other than Sheppard and McKay often do when engaged in conversation, Sheppard does have his whole body turned toward Avrid which indicates that at least on some level he is attracted to the man. We may also note that Sheppard uses his name here, telling us both that he had filed the name off as something to remember and that he wishes to establish rapport between them by using it. And while Sheppard feels like he has places to be, he does express his gratitude for Avrid having saved him even as he was trying to save Avrid, which we may recall is something that also happened between Sheppard and McKay.

Avrid also uses Sheppard's name, and this is something that we did not get to witness, Sheppard saying his name to them. We do not know how he introduced himself, whether it was just as John or as Colonel John Sheppard. What ever it was, Avrid uses his given name which makes their interaction instantly seem more intimate. They both seem to use the other man's name wishing to establish a connection. And while we do not get to hear McKay call Sheppard John for a long time, it is likely that at this time McKay had been calling him John in private for a while now. Avrid does not physically resemble McKay, being taller than Sheppard, lean and with a full head of hair, and even looking at his disposition he seems almost to be like the opposite of McKay. He actually more resembles Sheppard himself, which may explain this instant rapport between them. But there is still something similar to McKay in how they interact, the ease and familiarity of it.

Sheppard starts walking toward the central square of the village probably having no idea where he is actually heading, not having a destination but only a need to move about, and Avrid takes on after him because by asking him questions Sheppard indicated that he wished to continue the conversation. But Sheppard grinds to a halt as soon as he processes Avrid's words. He does not like the sound of this.

Avrid: That is the sole purpose of this place, to meditate upon ascension and one day join those who created the Sanctuary. Sheppard: The thing is, I've got other plans. Avrid: Then why did you enter the portal?

A few things to note here. First, there is a steaming cauldron here between the two of them that is symbolic of heat, and we may note that Sheppard is definitely not looking at any of the beautiful women around them, his attention focused entirely on Avrid and looking for the exit, which is why he seems to be moving around restlessly. But his body language here is actually reminiscent of McKay: his hand freezes in place as he tries to process what Avrid is telling him, something we have seen McKay do as he dissociates (or is otherwise interrupted in the middle of a thought). But as soon as Sheppard snaps out of it, he curls his hand into a fist and rubs his thumb against it, which is something that McKay frequently does when he is either anxious or turned on.

While Sheppard had already indicated that he dislikes the ascended, it is also made abundantly clear during this episode that he does not enjoy meditation. While in Avrid, Teer and Hedda, the whole trio of them, Sheppard is presented with something that he really wants, which is a family that will never leave him and that would be with him always, his experiences here show him how fuzzy the line between dreams and nightmares can be, how easily a dream can tip into a nightmare. Ascension may be something that most people should want to achieve and that Sheppard's own ancestors had sought to do, but what Sheppard wants is something altogether different.

And it is interesting he makes reference to having plans here. Sheppard has plans, he has things that he wants to do on the outside (and given the mention of Beckett and Cadman's date "tomorrow night" later, it could even be that Sheppard had actual plans). In saying this, he is not offering to share any of his plans with Avrid, merely making a wisecracking remark here, but at the same time, the notion had to come from somewhere. There are things he desires to have in life, and every one of those things involves McKay.

Sheppard: Well, call it a mistake. I tried to stop it but the damned thing sucked me in. Avrid: Those that came before us made certain that there could be no indecision. Once you set foot within the Sanctuary, your path was chosen. Sheppard: Not by me!

First thing to note is that Sheppard does not seem to blame McKay for what had happened, but he also does not want to speak his name because speaking his name would force him to think about McKay, and that would just open a world of hurt for him that he would rather avoid for the time being. Usually Sheppard would be using the "we" form in recounting something like this but here he only talks about what happened to him, as though he had been alone by the portal. His people having been there with him is intel he is not ready to give these people yet. While Sheppard is the one to walk up front and Avrid follows after him, we may note that Sheppard turns back to look at him as they converse, wanting to be able to see the man's face. Because these people are close to ascension and seem to have the Ancient gene, it could be that there is communication happening between them beyond simple words.

Sheppard comes to a halt by the watering hole that is likely the heart of the village, and given that the camera focuses on Sheppard's reflection and shows him upside down, it seems to hark back both to the idea of this being the looking glass world where things appear upside down and inside out, and to water as a medium. While Sheppard keeps glancing back at Avrid, before he comes to a stop he also looks at one of the others, and the camera work here is excellent because it is left entirely ambiguous whether he was glancing at the woman in pink working in the background or the strapping young lad in red that was walking past them. There is more precedence for Sheppard looking at dudes (and even here he almost turns to look at him again as he passes but stops his head from turning the whole way), but it is left up to the viewer what they see here. And while he likely thought nothing of it, it just tells us that the people in the village are all exceptionally beautiful. Sheppard himself is the most haggard-looking person in the sanctuary.

What Sheppard says here may also have a metaphorical quality. We later learn that he had been married, and he could just as well be describing that here: it was a mistake, and he had tried to avoid it but the thing had sucked him in because it was what his father had wanted. Later in Outcast (S04E16), the story also penned by Joe Flanigan, we are told more about how Sheppard felt like his father had his whole life planned out for him; what school he should go to, what profession he should take up, which woman to marry, and he had tried to walk the path that had been chosen for him but was ultimately unable to do that because his heart was drawing him elsewhere. And the same plays out in this episode in miniature: Teer seems to have plans for Sheppard and keeps manipulating the environment to get him to do what she feels like he should do without consulting him and disregarding what he actually wants. They symbolically play out Sheppard's marriage and divorce in this episode, we are able to see hints of what very likely had inevitably led to his divorce by looking at what happens in this episode. It is clear that there was a backstory for Sheppard the actor was basing his portrayal of the character on, and that backstory involved Sheppard having been in love with a man before he got married--and based on this, it could very well have been Nancy's brother.

Avrid: Once you cross the threshold, you are committed to be here for the remainder of your days.

Avrid sounds both happy and positive as he tries to sell Sheppard on the idea that he is actually better off now that he is here, that it is not all bad once he accepts his new reality. On the symbolic level, this might resemble his father telling him that once he has committed himself to marriage, commitment means that he has to uphold his vows for the rest of his life, until death do them part. But what happens here, between Sheppard and Avrid, is pretty damn interesting. Avrid seems happy at first but as Sheppard processes all of this, as he mulls it over in his mind, he does not respond to Avrid, at least not verbally. Sheppard seems to be rather literally dumbstruck here. But we see Avrid look at him, he actually squints his eyes as he looks, he seems to search Sheppard's face and his countenance changes. Avrid sees something in Sheppard that displeases him and the searching look indicates it was something inside, in Sheppard's mind that he did not like to see.

Clearly Sheppard needed time to think about this, he probably wanted to be by himself, but he does not say or do anything that actually communicates this. But without a word being spoken, Avrid seems to read all of this off of Sheppard and he then just walks away without saying anything further. And we have to wonder whether Avrid's gift is not reading minds, reading people's thoughts in a much more tangible manner than that vague kind of-sort of telepathy we have seen hints of between people with the Ancient gene. And Sheppard is carrying such deep hurt within him, such longing, that it tracks that Avrid would want to get further away from him (that kind of negativity might compromise his own ascension). Sheppard does not want to be here for the remainder of his days.

McKay: Alright. Launch the probe on my mark. Three, two, one, mark. The probe's about to pass through the field. Stand by. Damn it! Beckett: What happened? McKay: Exactly what I was afraid would happen. The probe was ripped apart by tidal forces at the event horizon almost instantly. Beckett: So we can't fly through it and rescue Colonel Sheppard?

We get an interesting transition from Sheppard looking down at his own reflection in the water (through which he is also looking up at the sky above) to McKay's voice talking about launching the probe that, frankly, looks a lot like a sex toy, as the jumper flies above the sanctuary. These things are connected symbolically although they do not take place at the same time, as Sheppard's scene with Avrid probably happened when McKay was still flying the jumper back to Atlantis the first time. This also means that if there is some kind of a tether connecting Sheppard and McKay, Sheppard would likely have been unable to sense any connection to him back then even if he had been reaching out for him, feeling very much alone, which would have contributed to his despondent attitude.

McKay: Not unless we wanna be ripped apart too! Weir: Did you receive any telemetry before the probe failed? McKay: Hmm. Actually quite a lot. Looks like mostly gibberish, though. This is gonna take me the better part of an hour to go through.

While McKay would love nothing more than to fly the jumper right into the crater, what cannot be done cannot be done. Disappointed by the failure of the experiment, it takes Weir nudging him for him to even notice that they were able to receive a lot of information from beyond the veil in the short time there was a connection between the two parts of the probe on the opposite sides. And realizing it is going to take a while to make sense of it, McKay seems to want to start right away meaning that he probably needs the others to shut up. But what is interesting here is the way Weir looks at McKay. She narrows her eyes, and it is almost exactly the way Avrid was looking at Sheppard in the previous scene. Weir does not have the Ancient gene nor does she have any capacity for mind-reading but it could be that her reaction to McKay saying something that she did not want to hear was the same as Avrid's to Sheppard just thinking something that he did not wish to know.

And while Weir may be frustrated by the situation, it is not as though she is more keenly aware of the time passing than McKay is. He is working as fast as he can because he does not want Sheppard to have to spend one moment longer in the time dilation field than he has to; there is really no need to pass judgement on the way he is working here. It is possible that it is McKay's tone here that made her trip because he does not sound urgent but sounded rather like he was shutting them out. And we actually hear McKay close his device before the scene ends, probably signaling that he was about to turn around to start going through the data by himself. From his eyes that are reddish, gleaming, and looking up just the way Sheppard had been looking up at the cave ceiling when he was holding back tears, McKay may have needed a moment alone here that was not just for the purposes of concentration.

Continued in Pt. 10

[yyoon5]

느루

@우리또한동물이다 via Postype.

[filmjunky-99]

s t a r t r e k t h e n e x t g e n e r a t i o n created by gene roddenberry [the outcast, s5ep17]

'I find you attractive. I'm taking a terrible risk telling you that. It means revealing something to you, something that, if it were known on my planet, would be very dangerous for me.

Occasionally, among my people, there are a few who are born different, who are throwbacks from the era when we all had gender.

Some have strong inclinations to maleness, and some have urges to be female.

I am one of the latter.' - soren [to riker]

[quailfence]

[Image description: tumblr tags that read “#and then she proceeded to infodump about star trek for the next 15 minutes #probably the funniest reaction i've ever gotten to coming out #runner up is that time in high school i came out to a friend who was a couple years younger than me and v sheltered #and i told him he could ask any questions about being trans that he wanted to #and he asked "what would my trans name be?" and to this day i have no clue what the fuck that was supposed to mean #he ended up being one of the best allies i ever met who helped me manage my dysphoria without outing me #and in some ways supported me better than even fellow trans people #but it was just such a funny reaction #oh also that old lady had shaved her head and wore all masculine clothes and went by an androgynous name different than her birth name #and i almost expected her to compare my experiences to her but nope. star trek. iconic”. End description.]

@a-captions-blog @startrekdescribed

no more characters who are nonbinary just because their species doesnt have gender. more characters that species dont have gender but still read up on human gender theory and realized they were still not into this shit

[spilladabalia]

The Outcasts - You're A Disease