#evening subconscious programming

[instantedownloads]

The Best Time of Day for Subconscious Mind Work: Unlock Your Hidden Potential

Introduction Have you ever noticed how some days your mind feels clearer than others? This isn’t random. Your subconscious mind—the powerful force behind 95% of your thoughts and behaviors—has peak hours of receptivity. Knowing these optimal times can transform your results. Working with your subconscious is like gardening. You need the right season, time of day, and conditions for seeds to…

[void-writing]

chapter 45 of wistoria: wand and sword has me SCREAMING!

Like--

--Will, my boy, my lad, my lil guy. Respectfully--

--WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!?!

Every new chapter gives me such whiplash, I love it. Kick her ass, Will!

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

fun fact about me: when i was little i apparently had a years-long phase where i only listened to my mum and dad when they called me “sonic”. i think that makes me straight up like. not even metal sonic kin i'm Jamie kin and just straight up metal sonic. i think that’s something Eggman also had to deal with before he decided metal sonic doesn’t get voice privileges

[adelina-shifts]

I Might Have Found the Real Reason We Struggle to Shift After Years of Research — and How to Finally Do It

(credits to Kvoyox on reddit for writing and researching and @alliecat2099 for bringing this to my attention)

First of all, I’m not going to talk about methods, programming your mind, and all of that stuff. What I want to explain is something that I’ve been asking myself since the day I discovered shifting—and probably you did too. What is the reason for why most of us cannot “willingly” shift even though we try so hard? And what is the key that can set us free? And I might have found the answer. Of course you don’t have to believe me; you can decide for yourself if you want to trust my research or not. But I personally believe that this is the answer that can set anyone free.

This is a long text, but I promise it'll be worth your time.

Chapter 1: The Hidden Enemy.

Many people believe that our subconscious is the enemy. And while we argue with it, trying to make sense of our “incapability” to shift, there is something else lurking in the shadows. It deprives us of our powers. It makes us wear a mask, seeing only the illusions of life while reality is much different than we perceive it. And that’s the problem: perception.

And on top of everything, this hidden enemy seems to have such immense power that it can actively block us from shifting. And everyone trying to argue that there is nothing that can stop us from shifting, then I have to ask you… why doesn’t everyone shift on command then?

Yes, we shift all the time. Literally billions of times per second, and I’m not exaggerating. But why doesn’t it work when we WANT to shift? Shifting is completely natural, and we already do it. But when we want to do it, it doesn’t work?

The answer is simple. The enemy I’m talking about is our ego. The ego naturally resists change. It wants control. It clings to identity and safety. It fears losing “this” reality. It wants to protect the self. And shifting threatens everything it thinks you are.

It cannot stop us from shifting, but it can block us from experiencing shifting. Because the ego’s job is to make sense of reality. It directly correlates with our perception, all our senses. But what we have to realize is that our perception is a lie. It’s all just an illusion; there is no cause in anything. Reality is fluid; it changes all the time, but our ego gives us the illusion of a strict, solid reality. It imprisons us in a world we don’t want to be in, but what we don’t understand is… that we ourselves, therefore, don’t want to shift. I’ll explain this later on.

Chapter 2: Reasons.

Let me give you some more examples of why I think that our ego is the sole reason why we don’t shift when we want to.

1. In the so-called “Void State,” we are just pure consciousness. This implies that we don’t have a vessel (body) and therefore no ego controlling our perception. Therefore, we can simply shift without any boundaries.

2. In a deep meditative state, the chances of shifting seem to increase a lot. This is because we are more disconnected from our perception (ego) of our current reality.

3. Based on people’s experiences, many people shifted when they were younger. Some of you might not even remember it happening, but it probably did. The reason for that is that children are controlled by their subconscious mind (theta state). As they grow older, the ego begins to develop and take control of the body, making it “harder” to willingly shift.

4. The law of assumption (programming yourself to be a shifter) works 100% because when you do it, your ego begins to accept the idea of you being in completely different realities. You begin to identify yourself as such a person. And when that is the case, the ego cannot stop you anymore because it “believes” in it.

5. It becomes easier to shift in lucid dreams and the astral realm because your ego is not as strong and present as it is when you are awake. Still, it exists there, and that’s why it is not guaranteed to shift through these (you still have ego goals). In the astral realm, however, you can achieve states of higher consciousness where you can free yourself from the ego, allowing you to effortlessly shift.

6. People who shift for the first time often see great results first, but then, as they try again and again, progress seems to come to a halt. Your ego identity begins to change from “Hey, maybe I can do that” to “It doesn’t work; I can’t do it.”

7. Some people manage to shift, return to this reality, and realize that they can’t do it anymore and struggle again. They returned to their ego-self, stopping them from shifting again.

8. Some people grow up in a spiritual, open environment. The ego, therefore, is more used to such ideas and experiences, allowing them to shift easier.

Chapter 3: Understanding Ego

I’m going to give you the reason now that explains why you don’t shift.

Because you are not conscious. You are ego. Let me explain.

Currently, your ENTIRE identity is your ego. You have a name, a personality, a job, thoughts, emotions, etc., etc., etc. You go through your day believing that you ARE your egoic mind. It became your identity, your everything. Every thought it thinks, every emotion it creates, you believe that it is all you. You are so connected to this illusion that you aren’t even conscious. In fact, for almost the entire day, you are unconscious. Because you think all the time. And that is the reason why you don’t shift. Because you are not conscious, you are not aware.

Isn’t it true that you think all day long? You’re always in your mind, thinking about the past and the future, thinking about random scenarios that don’t even make sense. Even when you’re trying to shift, you are still in your mind, mindlessly repeating affirmations, asking yourself over and over again if it is working or not. Every time you judge or label something, you are in your mind. In those situations, you ARE your mind, but this is not how it is supposed to be. You are supposed to be consciousness, not your egoic mind.

I tell you right now: if you manage to disconnect from your egoic mind, stop identifying with it, and identify with the true source (consciousness) again, you’ll be able to instantly shift wherever you want to go. This is not a theory but a fact.

When your ego doesn’t want to leave this reality because it doesn’t like change, this automatically translates then into YOU not wanting to shift. Because you are still identified with your egoic mind. It doesn’t matter how badly you want it deep down; your ego, and therefore yourself, is stopping you from achieving it. If you manage to become identified with consciousness again, it will work.

I want you to truly grasp how much you identify with your ego. Every thought you think, every emotion you allow to be created, every time you judge or label something, every single time you do something like this, you are in your egoic mind. The voice, and the images in your mind… You have to realize that all these things are not you; they are products of the egoic mind. But they seem as if you created them, which is not true. Even when you consciously create a thought, you are not the thinker! You are still the awareness behind it.

This is not how it is supposed to be. You have to understand that your mind is a TOOL. But right now, it is nothing like that. It enslaves you; you have no control over it. Excessive thinking is not normal! You are supposed to be able to think when you want to think. Normal is a silent mind, not a constantly chattering mind. You cannot stop thinking, you cannot control your mind, because it took control over you. It uses you. And then you begin to identify with it; slowly, as you grow older, it becomes your entire identity, and you begin to lose touch with who you really are: consciousness, the silent watcher. As long as you cannot control your mind and just stop thinking when you want to, then the mind is using you. You are not the thinker; you are the awareness behind it.

Chapter 4: The Now—How to Escape Your Egoic Mind.

The only way to escape your ego is to become present in the Now. Now implies no thoughts, no mind activity in general. In the Now, you are fully present of what is happening around you; you are not stuck in your mind; you are actually experiencing with your full awareness what is going on. In that moment, there are no limitations, no blockages, no fears, nothing. All there is, is peace. Nothing matters; all you do is be, that’s it. And when this happens, there is no ego, no gatekeeper stopping you from shifting. The ego cannot exist in a state of presence; it cannot sustain itself when you’re truly present. I see so many people talking about fears, blockages, etc. but all of them wouldn't matter if you weren't identified with your ego and be present.

The problem is that your identification with your egoic mind is so strong that it stops you entirely from shifting. But every single day, there are certain situations where the portal to your DR is wide open, and that is when you are fully immersed in the Now.

I want to give you some exercises that you can do from now on. I’ve learned them from Eckhart Tolle. The goal is to take energy away from your egoic mind and into your consciousness. This way, you'll begin to realize that you aren't your mind and you'll gain more and more power.

Make sure not to be in your mind all day long. For example, when you’re doing certain tasks like cleaning or brushing your teeth, etc., try to fully immerse yourself in the situation. Don’t think; be aware of what is happening and how it feels. Be the awareness being aware. Don’t think about the past or future; draw full attention to what you’re doing, even if it is something as simple as going downstairs and feeling the steps and the weight of your body. In addition, focus on inner body sensations to keep yourself in the present moment. Those sensations are subtle vibrations you can feel for example in your hands and feet (and your entire body).

When you have excessive thought streams, detach from them by watching from afar. Don’t identify with them, don’t judge them, and don’t suppress them. That's because when you do judge, you're just giving energy to your egoic mind. Be the silent watcher, simply observing those thoughts. You will realize that you are not those thoughts; they just come in. What you really are is the consciousness being aware of them. Don’t even identify yourself with the thoughts you consciously think. What you’re doing is using your mind as a tool, creating a thought. But you are not the mind, not the thoughts. You as consciousness decided to use your mind as a tool to create a thought. In addition, try not to think as much as you can. Once you become aware of your thoughts, they’ll eventually subside anyway. Become silent in your mind, and within that silence a portal to your desired reality will open. Because silence is the key. The noise the mind creates blocks you from shifting. When you manage to become completely silent, no judgement, no overthinking, and a clear intention to shift or go to the void, it'll happen.

3. When trying to shift, set an intention beforehand. You can lie down or sit; it doesn’t really matter. Become relaxed by taking a few deep breaths. Now, there are a few things you can do. First, if you are really good at visualization, make sure to fully immerse yourself in the picture you see and make it feel as real as possible. Make it happen right now. Don’t perceive it as a picture; BE in that picture in the Now. Secondly, you don’t need to visualize. You can also immerse yourself in the FEELING of being in your DR right now. Just the feeling, not using any of your 5 senses. It's like you're lying in your bed with earplugs and closed eyes, you just know you're there. Thirdly, you can go to the void state, which is by far the best way to shift. I want to do another post about how to enter the void state in the near future, which is, in my opinion, the best and easiest way to shift. And, in fact, entering it isn’t even that hard once you understand how to actually go there.

I highly, highly, highly recommend reading the book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. You can find it for free on the internet in case you don’t want to pay. It’ll change the way you see the world and shifting entirely.

Now, there are two paths you can take; both of them will eventually lead you to your desired reality.

Take away enough energy from your egoic mind, disconnect from your ego, and become identified with consciousness. You can achieve this by doing the first two exercises above. In addition to those, I recommend accepting the Now as it is. It doesn’t matter what situation you’re in; it doesn’t matter how hard life feels. Life is always perfect and beautiful, but your ego stops you from experiencing that. Every time you get mad about your life situations, you’re automatically feeding your egoic mind energy it can use to get even stronger. Either accept the situation or do something about it now. When trying to shift, don’t overthink it. Clear your mind completely; don’t ask yourself if it works. All you’re doing is giving energy to your egoic mind. And then, it won’t work. I highly advise you to just set an intention and become silent. Don’t let your ego take control by thinking, wanting to be there, etc. Take control by being silent and simply observing. Let it happen, let the universe change your reality. Moreover, I recommend meditation, as it is a super useful tool to train your attention, making it easier to detach from your ego. Later on, it’ll help you a lot in reaching the void state.

2. Manifest changes within your egoic mind. Once the mind is on board with the idea that you can simply shift wherever you want to go, it won’t stop you anymore. I made another post about this if you want to check it out. In this reality, the ego controls your perception. It shows you whatever it believes in. If you truly believe deep down that you can shift, your ego will too. Then, even if you’re still identified with your egoic mind, it won’t stop you anymore because it also believes in it.

Again, this is just my perspective on this topic. You don’t have to believe me, but if you go deeper and really ask yourself, “Why do I not shift?” eventually you might just get to the same conclusion as me. It is very simple. You are consciousness but the problem is that you identify yourself with the egoic mind. If you want to shift, either convince your ego or dissolve it by taking energy away from it. Again, if you want a more in-depth explanation, I recommend reading Eckhart Tolles book. Thank you for reading this far, and I wish you the best. 

[calebslittlecrow]

Expecting To Wake Up In Your CR

Okay, granted, not everyone has this problem - but a lot of people carry around this little assumption and expectation to wake up in their current reality again. No matter what they do. You've got your script ready. Your method is comfy and your chosen subliminal slaps. You feel ready and everything is in place. But deep down? Deep down you prepare yourself for your alarm in the morning. Prepare yourself for the same room, the same body, the same boring reality trot. It's like saying to the universe "Surprise me!", but also slipping in a quiet note saying "Please don't. Just copy yesterday". It's not new knowledge that your subconscious is running the show behind the scenes. But what we sometimes forget is that our subconscious picks its believes from us... from our habits, patterns, the things we repeat over and over again, even the ones we are not fully aware of. And since most of us are raised in a world that values logic, linear thinking, the "you only live once" mentality, it's no surprise some of us struggle with seeing any other reality as "just as real". Not your fault, it's just conditioning doing its work. Shifting goes basically against everything you have been taught to expect, so it can feel hard to rewire that believe on the go. You are a bit like a Roomba - just doing your little routines, bumping into some unexpected furniture on your usual way, programmed by years and years of subconscious patterns and habits. Cute, but kinda confused a lot. Doesn't mean you are broken, just shows you are human. What you can do is trying to catch that thought, the expectation of waking up here, before it starts to settle in again. Don't just say "I hope I shift". Hope is passive. Try something like: "I believe it's possible to shift" "I expect to shift" "My CR isn't the default. My DR can be the default too." You subconscious learns best from repetition, dominant believes and a sense of familiarity. So start feeding it those things, instead of doubt disguised as fickle believe. Once you start treating your DR as absolutely inevitable, it becomes harder for your brain to argue with that over time. You're not failing, just learning. And every single time you turn those pesky little thoughts in more productive ones, you are rewiring your believes. That's not small, that is huge! That is taking your power back from just letting things happen. You are basically standing in the doorway to your DR, you just need to find your way to step into it.

[poisonousivy616]

I Manifested My Dream Apartment FOR FREE In 3 Days!!! (Law of Assumption Success Story)

  ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ.       🐍🖤     ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ

⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆ Backstory ⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆

Hi babes!!!

A few months ago, I was literally homeless, no sugarcoating it. I was crashing at different people's places just to have somewhere to sleep. No stability. No peace. Constantly anxious. Constantly in survival mode. I was sick of it - of feeling like I had no control over my own life.

So one day, I made the decision. I'm done living like this. I deserve to feel safe, to have a home. And I'm not going to wait on the 3D to catch up. I decided I have my dream apartment already. I didn't know how. I didn't care how. I just knew it was done.

⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆ Method ⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆

The first thing I did was make a Pinterest board filled with dreamy apartment aesthetics. Think: floor-to ceiling windows, soft lightning, cozy corners, neutral tones, minimalist but luxurious vibes. I soaked in those images like it was already mine.

Then I tackled my self concept. Because let's be real: the world mirrors YOU.

I started robotically affirming the same core truths over and over:

༺♰༻I am a master at manifesting.

༺♰༻I'm GOD of my reality.

༺♰༻The world revolves around me.

༺♰༻I always get what I want exactly when I want it.

I also started listening to the "program your mind to think like GOD" affirmation tape by High Frequency Guru (literally obsessed with her. She is that girl) I played it every morning and night - when my subconscious was wide open.

I also let it loop in the background while I was cleaning, walking, scrolling, watching TV, passive, non-stop affirming like it was my job

Here's the twist tho:

I still felt delusional. I still felt like a fraud. My 3D said "you barely have a place to sleep"

But I didn't care.

I ignored the 3D. I reminded myself that my assumptions create my reality - not the other way around. I kept affirming. I refused to spiral. I refused to doubt. I made it law in my mind.

⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆ Results ⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆

3. Days. Later.

Within 72 hours, I was literally handed my dream apartment.

I'm not exaggerating. The EXACT apartment from my Pinterest board - same vibe, layout, same color scheme, fully furnished, even down to the little aesthetic decor touches I had on my vision board.

But wait! It gets better!!!!

I didn't have to pay anything.

Not for the move-in, not for the furniture, not for rent.

The rent is already paid for the ENTIRE year!!!

And it wasn't mommy or daddy's money. It wasn't even some long-lost rich relative. It came from a source I never even imagined.

Someone I didn't even know. Someone who just wanted to help.

The "how" didn't matter - it unfolded perfectly. And all I did was shift my mind.

⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆ Final words ⋆༺𓆩⚔️𓆪༻⋆

If you're reading this - know that you can do this too.

You don't need to take physical action.

You don't need to stress over the how.

You don't need to be perfect or feel high vibe all the time.

You just need to do the one thing that actually matters:

༺♰༻Decide it's yours

༺♰༻Assume it's done

༺♰༻Persist in the new story, no matter what your 3D says

Your reality is your mirror: your thoughts are the script. Your mind is the only power. There's no one outside of you calling the shots.

You are God of your reality. The main character. The writer. The director. The producer.

And don't ever let this world make you forget that.

Love, Ivy 💚🖤

[c1nnamxniris]

How I used Psych-k to reprogram my limiting beliefs 

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What is Psych-k?

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Psych-k is a process which changes subconscious beliefs that limits a person’s potential. It involves reshaping your beliefs into thoughts that can positively impact your life. 

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ This relates to manifestation because psych-k can help you identify limiting beliefs and reprogram these into thoughts that will benefit you. 

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Affirmations I used

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Some of the affirmations that I’ve used include:

I let go of every limiting belief I have that no longer serves me 

I let go of every doubt I have that no longer serves me 

I do not identify with struggle anymore 

I’m allowed to believe new things about myself now 

Circumstances don’t matter to me, I’ll still manifest anything I want 

I manifest instantly 

͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ I do want to mention that a few of these affirmations came from @princessaffirms's why are you DEFENDING your LIMITING beliefs post. It's really insightful and I do recommend reading this if you want more information about limiting beliefs.

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My personal experience

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ First and foremost, before we go into the psych-k sessions and what to expect, I really recommend you do a test to see where you fall. 

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ There is many different tests you could do, but me personally I have done the o-ring test. Basically, you form a “O” with your thumb and the other finger, you should use your non-dominant hand with this. Then you would form a ring with your dominant hand and gently pull on the “O-ring.” Then say a limiting belief that you have out loud and do the test.

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Here’s a video that details this -> ☕️

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ If it’s a strong response, the ring would not break apart. However, a weak response means the ring would break apart. If you produced a weak response, do this test again and ask your subconscious mind if you can integrate a new belief into them. If you have a weak response, I recommend you write it out using a journal or any writing program like Google Docs or Notes app. Basically with how I did it, I would write down a limiting belief but then I would provide a counterargument for that limiting belief.

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Here's an example: "Manifesting takes forever for me." -> "Manifesting is instant for me."

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Then I would write down all of my limiting beliefs and provide counterarguments for each one. Afterwards, I would do the test again and ask your subconscious mind if you can integrate a new belief. If you get a weak response, keep going and write out limiting beliefs that you have. If you have a strong response, you can test proceed to the session.

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Now here's how I approach my psych-k sessions. First, I would create affirmations that I can use, these affirmations will basically be what you use during your sessions. Then I would record these affirmations using the Parrot app. Although I primarily use the Parrot app, you can also say these affirmations out loud. Then afterwards, I would find somewhere that is calm and you know there wouldn't be any distractions. Next, establish a position you would use, I personally did this position (here) but I crossed my legs instead of my ankles. I would want to add that you should do all 4 combinations to reach all the different parts of the brain. Then set a time limit, I personally reach for 5 minutes per combination but you can do more than that if you choose. Then after setting a time limit, I would start the session, whether that's looping your affirmations on Parrot or say them out loud.

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ After the session, First I would do this, that way you are saving the belief, Then I would do the O-ring test again and move on with your day. Now even with one session, you can produce a strong response, but you can do more sessions to solidify your beliefs if you choose to.

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ In my experience, after doing this, I noticed that manifestation wasn't a struggle for me anymore. I allowed myself to integrate this new belief into my subconscious mind and ever since I have gotten amazing results. So, please if you want to reprogram your beliefs, try this out and you will never look back!

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Resources I’ve used 

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Here is some resources I've personally used when starting my journey.

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ Rewire Your Brain: PSYCH K Explained

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ PSYCH-K by @chaisshitposts 

  ͏˚˖𓍢ִ໋☕️ 4 MINTUE Reprogramming of the 'SUBCONSCIOUS MIND"

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[twilightofthesandwiches]

When talking about the distinction between Simon Petrikov and the Ice King,  it’s important to remember that originally, the Crown wasn’t trying to turn Simon into Ice King -

It was trying to turn him into this guy.

At the time, the Ice Crown - or rather the Wishing Crown - was programmed with Gunther’s wish to become Evergreen. So everything related to making the current wearer like Evergreen is a very direct result of the Crown’s Magic. The physical changes -

And the obsession with the name ‘Gunther’ -

And maybe some of the irritability and anger issues -

That is something the Crown is very directly forcing unto its current wielder. 

But everything else?

Ice King, personality-wise, was not much like Evergreen at all, or even like Gunther's view of him. And Ice Finn of the Farmworld Universe was also pretty different from the both of them.

At the time, I remember people assumed Ice Finn’s behavior is more indicative of what the Crown is actually trying to do with its wielders. That Ice King is so different because of Simon’s subconscious resistance against the Crown - while Finn’s much younger and dumber brain is a lot susceptible to the Curse’s influence to become some sort of mad world-conquering emperor of ice and snow. 

But, with the context of the Crown’s actual backstory. That doesn’t seem very likely anymore. I think what’s actually happening there is that the Crown is just trying to make its wielder an Ice Wizard on par with Evergreen (who was the Actual Goddam Ice Elemental) and that means pumping the wielder’s brain so full of Magic, Madness and Sadness to a level that is bound to overwhelm anyone.

And Simon’s and Farmworld Finn’s very different behaviors after putting on the crown is indicative, more than anything, of how their psyche reacts to Madness and Sadness in general. You know, Finn has a very proactive and kinda aggressive personality - and you add Crown-induced-Madness-and-Sadness and a compulsion to use Ice Magic as much as possible and you get all of…. this 

Meanwhile, for Simon, the compulsions of the Crown originally filtered exclusively via the language of protection 

As his madness always manifested as romantic obsession 

And using goofy humor to try and deny the pain he’s going through 

Because that’s how Simon’s mind specifically reacts to being flooded with so much Madness and Sadness.

That’s why there’s so many parallels between Ice King and the sort of mistakes and screwed-up stuff Simon does right now! He’s even kidnapping people again!

Because the Madness and Sadness of Ice King might’ve been induced by the Crown, but now Simon has plenty of personal home-grown Madness and Sadness inside him - and it’s no surprise that Curse-Induced or not, his mind reacts to it in a sorta-similar way. (Although obviously not as intensely, again, there was a LOT of MMS in the Ice Crown).

Now as for Ice Thing, and the fact that he seems to be actually rather well-adjusted under effects of his version of the Wishing Crown. I mean... not by the time of the 1000+ Era, but that’s literally eons in the future and also maybe more Gibbon’s fault. Even if the Crown will eventually take some sort of toll on him, for now he seems to be doing pretty well considering his wish. I mean, there's still some sort of Loss of Identity stuff going on

But everything we've seen of Ice Thing (in the present day, at least) shows him as a friendly and cheerful individual that gets along well with others. A far cry from how maladjusted every single wielder of the Ice Crown acted.

At the very least, if there's any notable amount of Sadness in him, we really haven't seen it yet.

There might be several factors here:

First things first, I should acknowledge the possibility that it’s just that Orgalorg’s eldritch brain is better at intaking all that MMS juice. That could play a part, but I think it’s probably more important, at least thematically, to look at the distinction between ‘I wish to be Evergreen’ and ‘I wish to be Ice King’. 

First in the sense that while Ice King was occasionally mean to Gunter at times - he was generally much kinder than Evergreen ever was for ‘his’ Gunther. So, like, pretty much the one Personality Flaw of Ice King that you can directly link to the Ice Crown’s attempt to mimic Evergreen is the occasional anger issues.

And how they relate to Gunther’s view of Evergreen, so grumpy and controlling and constantly saying ‘NO!’

(Both Finn and Simon’s demonstrable not-crown-induced trauma responses can make them pretty short-tempered as well. So I’m not going to say this is purely the effects of the Crown. It still probably plays some sort of factor at why the wielder of the Ice Crown is Like That).

And that is not a factor in how Gunter views Ice King. For him, Ice King was a doting and loving father figure - so if the Crown was ever trying to implement any sort of specific negative personality traits, this is absolutely no longer a factor. Because the original Ice Crown was a reflection of Evergreen’s abuse, and now Ice Thing is a reflection of Ice King’s fatherly love.

Which is, itself, probably an echo or remnant of Simon’s own strong parental instincts. 

Secondly, while the Crown was trying to make the Ice King just as powerful as Evergreen…. Ice King was obviously not as powerful as Evergreen. Because he was already a second-rate copy of the Ice Elemental’s power, and because Ice King was often just too doofy to use his powers correctly and probably because some remnant of Simon’s original sensible self is subconsciously holding his powers back.

Either way, being ‘like Ice King’ as Gunter sees him requires less Magic than being ‘like Evergreen’ as Gunther saw him - and therefore less Madness and Sadness. Leading to the wearer or, um, the eater being a lot more well-adjusted from the get-go.

And I think that the implication that Ice Thing has fused with the Crown, so there's never going to be another poor sap who puts on the Crown and gets Ice King'd. But if there is one somehow... at least the process is going to be less mentally detrimental that time around?

Maybe one day Simon could look back and appreciate how much he (or Ice King, or both of them, or however you want to look at the situation) is responsible for basically neutralizing the Crown that ruined his life in the first place.

[rafeslvbug]

pediatrician!rafe coming to check in on reader after the baby is settled in the nicu for the night

gown blotched in small wet patches, puddles of tears that shed from the moment your daughter was lifted from your arms and rushed out of the room.

they didn’t tell you where she was going.

it had been two hours.

the tears had mostly subsided, and now you just stared at the wall infront of you, unwilling to do the pending work you had waiting for you, or even write the email confirming your maternity leave.

with a gentle creak of the door, a man stepped into the room, causing you to glance his way. he was wearing light blue scrubs, a clipboard in his hand and a name tag you could make out to be ‘dr.cameron’.

“hi, i’m dr.cameron, im the neonatologist taking care of your daughter,” he said softly, pulling up a seat beside your hospital bed.

you blink at him, unsure if it’s the post labour dizziness making you hear things or if he’s just said a really long word you don’t quite understand. “i don’t..i don’t know what that is. do you know where my daughter is?” you sniffle, thinking that somewhere behind that small smile of his and muscles that are making the woman next to you lean her head over the curtain, he must have some brain.

“do i know where- did they not tell you?” his brows furrow, smile dissipating and concern overtaking his features.

you shake your head, tugging the blanket of your bed further up.

muttering some curse under his breath, evidently annoyed, he apologises, “i’m sorry, they should’ve told you. because she’s premature they put her in nicu, it’s an intensive care unit for infants born with health difficulties, usually premature babies.”

relief emanated from you, even if some worry lingered on your chest.

intensive care sounded bad.

“so is she-is she okay?”

“yeah, she’s doing just fine. we’re gonna need to run some tests though, keep her here for a bit, some problems don’t reveal themselves until a few days. but so far, so good,” he says, giving you what you assume must be some programmed reassuring look. he must give it to everyone. how much of it is even the truth?

you nod anyways, wanting to believe she was okay. “do i get to see her?” your voice is quiet, like it’s a right you have to earn, like you’re scared even seeing her will hurt her fragile little body.

“oh yeah, you can see her right now if you want. if you can walk that is, i can take you to where she is?” he offers, a teasing look on his face when he mentions your ability to walk, like he might have to wheelchair you out of here.

frowning at his little quip, you tell him, albeit in a sleepy voice, “i can walk.”

he grins, standing up, and helping you out of the bed even when you insist you’ll be fine. his arm hooks around your waist, your hands around his bicep as he leads you to the nicu.

everything in the hospital is oddly quiet.

weirdly peaceful as you walk to the nicu.

after a few steps and beats of silence, he adds, “a neonatologist, is a paediatrician who specialises in premature infants, that’s me, for your daughter.”

“oh..well, thank you..”

“my pleasure,” he comes to a stop infront a large glass panel, rows of babies in little cots, fast asleep.

pointing to the cot closest to the window, on the right, rafe leans closer to speak in a hushed voice, “that’s her, there. you can hold her tomorrow, i’ll bring her to you, when we’ve done our tests, for now she’s sleeping.”

lip bitten raw, you manage a hum, staring at the little thing, asleep and wearing clothes slightly big for her. “she’s so small,” you whisper.

“they all are, she’ll get bigger, don’t worry.”

along each cot, your eyes spot the labels, cursive handwriting with the babies’ names on them. guilt hits you like a train, or maybe it’s the sadness washing over you as to how fast she was taken. how little time you got to spend with her.

“i haven’t even named her..” you mumble, subconsciously hugging closer to rafe’s arm, not even noticing how he pulls you a bit closer too.

“d’you wanna name her now?” he asks, tilting his head to look down at you. you purse your lips together, briefly glancing at him before nodding.

“i was thinking..aurora?” you admit almost timidly, like there’s some league in names and yours might drop the very bottom.

“aurora? that’s a nice name.”

“yeah well i watch maleficent,” you joke.

“oh yeah that’s a perfect way to name your kid, through movies.” he chuckles, words entirely unconvincing in a way that makes you break into soft laughter as well.

“you don’t think that.”

“no i- okay, i think there’s room for it to go wrong.”

“like if i named her maleficent?”

“i’ve seen it happen, get all kinds of weird names nowadays. well aurora’s cute.” he reassures you, squeezing your arm ever so slightly while you watch her amongst every other baby in the nicu.

the ward is peaceful, for once, you think. no crying babies, or screaming mothers, or midwives rushing around the place. finally you can be free from the pending stresses, and the world awaiting you outside, focusing purely on your daughter.

[fairyminnie444]

your subconscious is simpler than you think it is

✩₊˚.⋆☾╶⃝⃤☽⋆⁺₊✧

The subconscious is the key to any manifestation. It is responsible for materializing in the physical world what you feed through thoughts, emotions and beliefs. Here is the role of the subconscious in manifestation:

1. It is the Executor of What You Believe

• The subconscious accepts everything you feel as true, whether positive or negative, without question.

• It does not judge; it only works to align your external reality with what is imprinted in it.

2. It Reflects Your Internal State in 3D

• Your external reality is a direct reflection of what is stored in your subconscious.

• What you see in 3D today is the result of the ideas and beliefs that the subconscious has already accepted as truth.

3. It Responds to Mental Imagery and Emotion

• It responds best to clear images and intense feelings, such as those generated in visualizations or SATS (Sleep-Akin State). • When you imagine something with emotion, the subconscious registers it as real and works to manifest it in the physical.

4. It is Programmed by Repetition

• Repeated affirmations, visualizations and feelings record new patterns in the subconscious.

• The more you repeat something, the stronger that belief becomes within you, replacing old programming.

5. It Doesn't Know the Difference Between Real and Imagined

• It accepts everything you imagine with emotion as being real.

That's why feeling that something is already yours is so powerful for manifesting.

How to Use the Subconscious in Manifestation

• Affirmations: Reinforce beliefs aligned with your desire.

• Visualization: Imagine your desire as already fulfilled with details and emotion.

• Persistence: Even if the 3D shows otherwise, stay firm in what you want.

The subconscious is like fertile soil. Whatever you plant in it through your thoughts and feelings, it will grow in your reality. Therefore, taking care of what you feed mentally is essential to manifest your desires!

[giuliannna]

THAT'S ALL YOU, BABY

hamzah's too busy to help you out.

"god.." you hear grumbling coming from the corner of your room, where your boyfriend's sat at his desk. "fuckin'.. stupid shit.."

you sit up, your gaze landing on hamzah's face, illuminated by the bright white glow of his computer screen. the clack of keys is loud in the quiet atmosphere of the dark bedroom, and if you squint, you're able to make out the thumbnails of numerous video clips on his screen.

you've been waiting for him to come to bed for hours - you were restless, and you began to toss and turn as he deals with editing a new video, one that he was hell-bent on finishing tonight.

hamzah hears the rustling of the comforter, his head whirling around to see you staring over at him. "shit.." he murmurs. "sorry, baby. i'm almost done, i promise."

"s'fine," you mumble, flinging the sheets to the side, dragging yourself out of bed and walking over to where he's slumped in his desk chair. "what's taking so long?"

"martin," he sighs, sliding his glasses off the bridge of his nose, setting them down before rubbing his temples. "he was supposed to help me out with this, but he's not responding."

"oh," you mutter, peering over his shoulder at the monitor. "you want company?" i ask, my voice low in his ear.

he peers at you, tilting his head back. "sure," he says, somewhat hesitantly, like he's reading your mind - seeing right through you, knowing that you want something.

you grab the armrest of his chair, swiveling it toward you. his eyes meet yours with an accusatory look underneath his dark lashes as you stand over him.

"what?" you ask innocently, a scoff escaping your lips as you slowly place yourself on top of his thigh, your legs folded up on either side of his leg. your body fits against his like a puzzle piece in the cushioned desk chair.

you can sense that he's already onto you, he just knows you that well.

"what're you doin'?" he whispers, resting his hands on top of your thighs, his middle finger tracing small circles against your skin.

"nothin'." you respond simply, reaching behind you to grab his glasses off the desk and slide them back onto his face, quickly kissing him on the cheek. "keep working."

"mm." he hums, obviously not believing you. he turns the chair back toward his desk anyway, scooting in and reaching around your body to keep clicking around the editing program.

you keep still for a few minutes, letting him edit while you cling to him. as you rest your head on his shoulder, you grow more impatient with each passing moment. the close proximity you placed on your bodies only weakens your grasp on your self control.

the truth is - you and hamzah haven't had sex in two weeks. his work stole away entirely too much time, he was constantly filming and working on projects, especially with the upcoming christmas series that he had planned for his channel. you had a job of your own, too, which was an entirely different story.

you two also have been hosting people at your apartment for the holidays. your friends - as well as his - have constantly been visiting and using your home as a place to crash for the night.

between all of this, you didn’t get much time alone with your boyfriend. your schedules just didn’t align, and when they did, you only made plans that involved other people.

point being, you had some pent up feelings, naturally.

suddenly, a groan in your ear sends a cold shiver down your spine, snapping you out of your spaced out mind. you now feel a bruising grip on each side of your waist.

your hips come to a still.

“mph, stop.. doin’ that..” hamzah growls, shifting his leg underneath you, holding you tightly to stop your subconscious grinding.

“shit,” you whisper, your body tensing. “i.. i didn’t even realize..”

hamzah keeps silent for a moment, breathing heavily.

eventually you feel his arm slightly flex as he lifts his hand away from his keyboard, his fingers sliding up your back and threading into your hair.

he tugs on the roots, picking your head up off his shoulder with a little bit of force, making you gasp. “look at me,” he rasps, sounding weak.

you peer down at him nervously, seeing his dark eyes scrutinizing you.

he tightens his hold on your hair as he speaks, “i’m busy.” he states. “but if you’re really that fucking desperate, then you can deal with it yourself.”

your stomach floods with heat at his words.

“what?” you whisper.

“you heard me,” he mutters darkly. “you wanna get off? go ahead, that’s all you, baby.”

“like.. you mean..” your eyes flick down to his thigh, where you’re straddling him.

“mhm, use it.” he says, letting go of your hair, his hand instead cradling your face. brushing his thumb against your bottom lip, he smirks. “do the work by yourself for once.”

you almost wanted to roll your eyes - sure, you could be a bit of a pillow princess sometimes, but that was because hamzah never necessarily wants you to put in an excessive amount of effort during your activities.

he always tells you to ‘just relax’ and ‘let him take care of you’ - so you just sit back and allow him do what he does so well.

he gets off on giving you pleasure. simple as that.

but this time, when he refuses to give you any of that attentiveness, you’re feeling so desperate that you’re actually going to have to listen to what he's telling you.

it’s no use protesting his ask, you know you’re going to give in.

you just can’t help yourself when it comes to him.

“are you serious?” you ask quietly, just to confirm.

“hundred percent,” he replies, dropping his hand from your face, pressing a kiss to your neck as his fingers trail down the sides of your body. “what, d’you think you can’t handle it?”

“no,” you answer immediately. “no.. i can do it.”

“that’s my girl,” he whispers, squeezing your thighs before he reaches around you once more, going back to his work, seemingly without a second thought.

you take this as a sign for permission to do whatever you wanted - whatever you needed. even if he didn’t have the time to pay attention, hamzah still wants you to feel good, no matter how much of a careless exterior he displays.

starting slow, you wrap your arms around his neck, burying your face into the crook of his shoulder as you start rocking your hips slowly against his thigh, the friction of fabric hitting your clit in the most perfect way possible.

but gradually, you get desperate. soft whimpers and moans slip past your lips, your body setting a quicker pace as you ride hamzah’s leg.

it was a little embarrassing, slowly becoming a mess on top of him while he sits and does work, only murmuring a few lazy words of endearment here and there.

your breathing becomes shallow as your arousal builds, your fingers quickly making their way down to tug your sleep shorts and panties to the side, needing to feel more.

your slick soaks the fabric of his sweatpants, fingers digging into his shoulders with frustration as the pace of your hips becomes delayed and erratic.

a low moan rumbles in your throat, your skin burning hot with the frustration of basically knocking yourself out over the pursuit of your own satisfaction - thinking hamzah's not paying attention, but he is.

with each little noise and movement you've made, his work continuously seems to be less and less important to him.

“why’re you slowing down, huh?” he rasps, noticing your vexation.

you can only whine in response, not necessarily wanting to admit that you were getting tired.

“poor thing,” he smirks. “just need me to do everything for you, don’t you?” he teases, taking hold of your waist.

“please,” you sigh sensually, directly into his ear, feeling him slightly shiver underneath you.

it doesn’t take much convincing for him to help you out. you know he wants to, anyways.

he can’t resist you just as much as you can’t resist him.

he keeps his grip steady on you while starting to press your hips down, slightly lifting his leg up into your core - and the immediate increase of pressure has you squirming.

he starts aiding in the guidance of your movements, rocking you back and forth as your body basically melts into him.

“fuckin’ needy girl..” he groans, his jaw clenched. “had to use my thigh to fuck yourself. so desperate.”

all the stimulation on your clit is enough to have you trembling with an building orgasm already, and hamzah can feel it.

“you're close already?” he growls, yanking on your hair again to get your eyes fixated on him.

he relishes in seeing the angelic expression on your face. your parted lips and the blush dusting your cheeks - just the mere sight of you makes him want to give you the world.

his work completely forgotten, he becomes dead set on making you cum on his thigh. “c’mon baby,” he urges, picking up the speed at which he’s rolling your hips. “finish what you started.”

"hamzah.." you cry out in exasperation, your head lolling back. "fuck.. fuck, feels so good."

"i know, angel, i know.." he coos, staring up at you in complete awe as you writhe on top of him. "you're doing so good.. making a mess like this."

you're to the point of no return - your lower stomach feels like it's twisted into a knot. "m'gonna.. oh, shit, hamzah!" you moan, high-pitched and whiny.

"uh-huh, that's it," he groans, hands slipping underneath your shirt, cold fingertips meeting your warm skin as you unravel underneath his touch. "fuckin' dirty, finishing on me so fast."

dizzy with lust, your orgasm courses through you in lengthy waves, practically making you see stars. your head falls forward, your damp forehead pressing against hamzah's, your mind blissfully dropping into pure relaxation.

"oh, my good girl.." hamzah's faint voice penetrates your clouded mind. he brings you down from your high, his thumbs brushing across your tensed abdomen. "so perfect."

your body twitches slightly as you melt against him, breathing in short gasps, trying to piece yourself back together.

"still working..?" you murmur the question teasingly, peeking up at him. you lazily slide your hand up his chest and across his face, your index finger pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose where they'd begun to slip down.

he chuckles, the rumbling in his chest vibrating against you. "no, baby. you're so distracting, y'know that? how would i be able to focus after this?" he says, sliding an arm underneath you and scooping you up. "let's go to bed."

————————————————————

a/n: please message me with anything you want me to write !! i wanna try and start writing more so if there's anything you want to see i'm open to all ideas

xo giulia

[charmedreincarnation]

Lucid Dreaming Challenge (Simple + Low Effort!)

I know it’s been a while, but I’m finally putting together a new lucid dreaming challenge :) This one will be super simple: no long routines, no heavy Law of Assumption work, and minimal time commitment.

Optional: Supplements that can help

(Not required, just an extra boost for those who are interested)

– Galantamine (can be found on Amazon): A supplement that increases acetylcholine levels, often used to enhance memory and awareness. Many lucid dreamers use it to increase dream recall and trigger lucidity.

– Huperzine A: Similar to galantamine, it boosts cognitive alertness and dream vividness.

– Valerian Root: Helps promote deep, restful sleep and can lead to more vivid dreams.

⚠️ Important: Do not take any supplements without doing your own research. Always check for allergies or pre-existing conditions, and if you’re under 18 or on medication, consult a doctor before trying anything new.

Step 1: Set a Reminder to Reality Check

Set an alarm to go off every hour during the day if you can. If that’s not realistic, just try to manually remember to check as often as possible.

Each time the alarm goes off, ask yourself:“Am I dreaming?” Look at your hands, check the time twice, or try to push your fingers through your palm. The goal is to make this a habit that carries over into your dreams.

Step 2: Choose One Focus Method Per Day

I’m leaving this part up to you. Every day, you’re going to pick one of the following four and do it. Don’t overthink it!! just stay consistent. Each one trains your subconscious in a different way, so whichever you choose will work as long as you’re intentional about it.

1. Listen to a lucid dreaming subliminal for 1–2 hours

This works by bypassing your conscious mind and feeding your subconscious direct commands. Most subliminals layer affirmations under music or white noise. your brain still picks them up. Over time, your subconscious starts acting on those affirmations, especially in dream states where the conscious mind is less dominant.

2. Write “I am lucid” 100 times

This is a form of subconscious imprinting. Writing something over and over builds a neural pathway especially when you stay present and focused. It’s old-school repetition, and it works because your brain registers written words as intentional. You’re building identity through muscle memory and thought pattern.

3. Listen to lucid dreaming affirmations out loud for 1–2 hours

Affirmations help rewire your inner dialogue. By listening consistently, especially in relaxed or passive states, your brain starts normalizing the idea that you lucid dream. The more familiar the idea becomes, the more likely your brain is to bring it into your dream world. You’ll start noticing cues and remembering dreams more vividly.

4. EFT tap while saying lucid dreaming affirmations

EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) works by stimulating acupressure points while saying affirmations out loud. It calms your nervous system and removes energetic resistance. If you’ve ever struggled with believing you can lucid dream or you get frustrated when you can’t, EFT helps remove that block while programming in new beliefs.

→ Pick one and stick to it daily. Don’t switch around too much. This part is less about intensity and more about repetition. You’re planting seeds in your subconscious your only job is to water them.

Step 3: audio aid

We’re going to be using two audios as we fall asleep, before we even get into the actual lucid dreaming method. Use them like a warm-up for your subconscious.

Put both in a playlist so they play back to back:

•The first audio is the shorter one; start with that.

•The second audio is 10 hours long, so it should be second. Just let it run while you sleep.

Step 4: The Main Method We’re Using – SSILD

I do have a full lucid dreaming guide, but for this challenge, we’re focusing on SSILD, which stands for Senses Initiated Lucid Dream. It’s one of the easiest and most effective methods out there, especially if you don’t want to rely on supplements or stress about doing too much.

SSILD works by tricking your brain into becoming hyper-aware during sleep. You cycle through your senses: sight, sound, and touch in a specific way that builds subconscious alertness without fully waking you up. When done right, this creates the perfect conditions for lucidity to happen naturally while dreaming.

How to Do SSILD (Quick Summary)

Wake up after 4–6 hours of sleep.

You want to be in a lighter sleep cycle. Set an alarm if needed.

Get up for 5–10 minutes. Just enough to become a little alert, but not fully awake. Don’t turn on bright lights. No scrolling.

Go back to bed and start your cycles:

Sight: Close your eyes and pretend to look at the darkness behind your eyelids. Don’t strain

Sound: Listen to the silence. Focus on any background noise or ringing in your ears.

Touch: Pay attention to how your body feels—your hands, your heartbeat, your bed, the weight of the blanket.

Then Cycle through sight → sound → touch slowly and calmly. One round takes about 20–30 seconds.

Do 3–5 rounds then let yourself drift off.

SSILD builds dream awareness by sharpening your internal senses right before sleep. You’re basically training your brain to “wake up” inside the dream without trying too hard. It’s subtle, easy, and works best when you’re relaxed and consistent.

This is the method we’ll be using throughout the challenge. You don’t have to do it perfectly just stay chill and curious. Your body will start catching on.

That’s it .Don’t overcomplicate it.You can mess up and still get results.

Even if you do it half-assed, it still gets your brain into that hypnagogic, in-between state. You might get false awakenings, random vivid dreams, or just lucid dreams straight up. From there, you can easily:

– Spawn someone (like a dream guide or character) and tell them to take you to your desired reality or the Void

– Make a portal or door in the dream, walk through it while setting your intention

– Affirm with your eyes closed in the dream: “I’m entering the Void,” “I shift easily,” etc

– Become lucid mid-dream and just let go and fall when you fully surrender or become weightless, you might drop right into the Void

– Ask a dream character to help you shift—they often know more than you think

– Recognize yourself in the dream (like seeing your reflection, name, or face) and use that moment to command a shift

Step 5: Succeed and send me your success story, because you deserve to be celebrated.

When it happens (and it will), I want to hear about it. Whether you had a false awakening, a full lucid dream, shifted, entered the Void, or just got closer than ever before (it counts).

You did that.You deserve to be seen for it.Send it to me so I can hype you up properly!!!!!

Now This isn’t supposed to be some intense, life-consuming thing. I know people have hard lives, stressful jobs, school, responsibilities. this challenge is not meant to add pressure. It’s supposed to be gentle. Supportive. Fun.

Everything you do here even the smallest effort is scientifically rewiring your brain. Your subconscious picks up on repetition, intention, and belief whether you’re trying hard or barely doing anything. So just let the world do its magic. Your only job is to show up with curiosity. And honestly, you can use lucid dreaming for anything not just shifting or entering the Void.

This isn’t a LOA-focused challenge but even Neville Goddard who’s like the blueprint for modern manifestation talked about lucid dreaming.

He told a story once about waking up with a literal object from a dream. He had a dream where he was in a desert and picked a branch off a bush. The next morning, he woke up in his bed with that exact same branch in his hand. Like physically. In real life.

He said he didn’t imagine it, it was actually there. And he used that moment as proof that consciousness isn’t limited to the physical world. What happens in dreams, in imagination, in the subconsciousit’s real. It can materialize. That’s how powerful your inner world is.

So yeah, lucid dreaming isn’t just some side hobby. It’s a doorway. A technique. A way to access higher states, shift realities, and literally bring things back with you.

You literally spend one-third of your life asleep. That’s decades of untapped time where your body rests, but your consciousness can still create. You don’t have to wait for your reality to change you can go into your dreams and become the change first. So yeah…go manifest. Shift. Tap into the Void. Do whatever you need to do. The world is already a dream. Life is already weird. You might as well use that to your advantage.

[creatingblackcharacters]

“The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth” - Violence, Violent Imagery & Black Horror

TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of death, violence, blood, hate crimes, antiblackness, police violence, rape

Note! I am going to be speaking from a Black American point of view, as my identity informs my experience. That said, antiblackness itself is international. The idea of my Blackness as a threat, as a source of fear and violence to repress and to destroy, is something every Black person in the world that has ever dealt with white supremacy has experienced.

There are two things, I think, that are important to note as we start this conversation.

One: there is a long history of violence towards Black bodies that is due to our dehumanization. People do not care for the killing of a mouse in the way they care about a human. But if you think the people you are dealing with are not people, but animals- more particularly, pests, something distasteful- then you will be able to rationalize treating them as such.

Two: even though we live in a time period where that overt belief of Blackness as inhuman is less likely, we must recognize that there are centuries of belief behind this concept; centuries of arguments and actions that cement in our minds that a certain amount of violence towards Blackness is normal. That subconscious belief you may hold is steeped in centuries of effort to convince you of it without even questioning it. And because of this very real re-enforcement of desensitization, naturally another place this will manifest itself is in how we tell and comprehend stories.

There are also three points I'm about to make first- not the only three that can ever be made, but the ones that stand out the most to me when we talk about violence with Black characters:

One: Your Black readers may experience that scene you wrote differently than you meant anyone to, just because our history may change our perspective on what’s happening.

Two: The idea that Black characters and people deserve the pain they are experiencing.

Three: The disbelief or dismissal of the pain of Black characters and people.

You Better Start Believing In Ghost Stories- You’re In One

I don’t need to tell Black viewers scary fairytales of sadists, body snatchers and noncoincidental disappearances, cannibals, monsters appearing in the night, and dystopian, unjust systems that bury people alive- real life suffices! We recognize the symbolism because we’ve seen real demons.

Some real examples of familiar, terrifying stories that feel like drama, but are real experiences:

12 Years a Slave: “This is no fiction, no exaggeration. If I have failed in anything, it has been in presenting to the reader too prominently the bright side of the picture. I doubt not hundreds have been as unfortunate as myself; that hundreds of free citizens have been kidnapped and sold into slavery, and are at this moment wearing out their lives on plantations in Texas and Louisiana.” – Solomon Northup

When They See Us: I can’t get myself to watch When They See Us, because I learned about the actual trial of the Central Park Five- now the Exonerated Five- in my undergrad program. Five teen Black and brown boys, subjected to racist and cruel policing and vilification in the media- from Donald Trump calling for their deaths in the newspaper, to being imprisoned under what the Clintons deemed a generation of “superpredators” during a “tough on crime” administration. And as audacious as it is to say, as Solomon Northup explained, they were fortunate. The average Black person funneled into the prison system doesn’t get the opportunity to make it back out redeemed or exonerated, because the system is designed to capture and keep them there regardless of their innocence or guilt. Their lives are irreparably changed; they are forever trapped.

Jasper, Texas: Learning about the vicious, gruesome murder of James Byrd Jr, was horrific- and that was just the movie. No matter how “community comes together” everyone tells that story, the reality is that there are people who will beat you, drag you chained down a gravel road for three miles as your body shreds away until you are decapitated, and leave your mangled body in front of a Black church to send a message… Because you’re Black and they hate you. To date I am scared when I’m walking and I see trucks passing me, and don’t let them have the American or the Confederate flag on them. Even Ahmaud Arbery, all he was doing was jogging in his hometown, and white men from out of town decided he should be murdered for that.

Do you want to know what all of these men and boys, from 1841 to 2020, had in common? What they did to warrant what happened to them? Being outside while Black. Some might call it “wrong place wrong time”, but the reality is that there is no “right place”. Sonya Massey, Breonna Taylor- murdered inside their home. Where else can you be, if the danger has every right to barge inside? There is no “safe”.

It is already Frightening to live while Black- not because being Black is inherently frightening, but because our society has made it horrific to do so. But that leads into my next point:

“They Shouldn’t Have Resisted”

Think of all the videos of assaulted and murdered Black people from police violence. If you can stomach going into the comments- which I don’t, anymore- you’ll see this classic comment of hate in the thousands, twisting your stomach into knots:

“if they obeyed the officer, if they didn’t resist, this wouldn’t have happened”

Another way our punitive society normalizes itself is via the idea of respectability politics; the idea that “if you are Good, if you do what you are Supposed to do, you will not be hurt- I will not have to hurt you”. Therefore, if my people are always suffering violence, it must be because we are Bad. And in a society that is already less gracious to Black people, that is more likely to think we are less human, that we are innately bad and must earn the right to be exceptional… the use of excessive violence towards me must be the natural outcome. “If your people weren’t more likely to be criminals, there wouldn’t be the need to be suspicious of you”- that is the way our society has taught us to frame these interactions, placing the blame for our own victimization on us.

Sidebar: I would highly suggest reading The New Jim Crow, written in 2010 by Michelle Alexander, to see how this mentality helps tie into large scale criminalization and mass incarceration, and how the cycle is purposely perpetuated.

You have to constantly be aware of how you look, walk and talk- and even then, that won’t be enough to save you if the time comes. The turning point for me, personally, was the murder of Sandra Bland. If she could be educated, beautiful, a beacon of her community, be everything a “Good” Black person is supposed to be… and still be murdered via police violence, they can kill any of us. And that’s a very terrifying thought- that anything at any point can be the reason for your death, and it will be validated because someone thinks you shouldn’t have “been that way”. And that way has far less to do with what you did, than it does who you are. Being “that way” is Black.

My point is, if this belief is so normalized in real life about violence on Black bodies- that somehow, we must have done something to deserve this- what makes you think that this belief does not affect how you comprehend Black people suffering in stories?

Hippocratic Oath

Human experimentation? Vivisection? Organ stealing? Begging for medicine? Dramatically bleeding out? Not trusting just anyone to see that you are hurt, because they might take advantage? All very real fears. The idea that pain is normal for Black people is especially rampant in the healthcare field, where ideas like our melanin making our skin thick enough to feel less pain (no), an overblown fear of ‘drug misuse’, and believing we are overexaggerating our pain makes many Black people being unwilling to trust the healthcare system. And it comes down to this thought:

If you think that I feel less pain, you will allow me to suffer long before you believe that I am in pain.

I was psychologically spiraling I was in so much pain after my wisdom teeth removal, and my surgeon was more concerned about “addiction to the medication”. Only because Hot Chocolate’s mom is a nurse, did I get an effective medicine schedule. My mother ended up with jaw rot because her surgeon outright claimed that she didn’t believe that she was in more than the ‘healing’ pain after her wisdom teeth were removed. She also has a gigantic, macabre (and awesome fr) scar on her stomach from a c-section she received after four days of labor attempting to have me… all because she was too poor and too Black to afford better doctors who wouldn’t have dismissed her struggles to push.

As a major example of dismissed Black pain: let’s discuss the mortality rate of Black women during childbirth, as well as the likelihood of our children to die. When we say “they will let you bleed to death”, we mean it.

“Black women have the highest maternal mortality rate in the United States — 69.9 per 100,000 live births for 2021, almost three times the rate for white women, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Black babies are more likely to die, and also far more likely to be born prematurely, setting the stage for health issues that could follow them through their lives.”

Even gynecology roots in dismissal (and taking brutal advantage of) Black women's pain:

“The history of this particular medical branch … it begins on a slave farm in Alabama,” Owens said. “The advancement of obstetrics and gynecology had such an intimate relationship with slavery, and was literally built on the wounds of Black women.” Reproductive surgeries that were experimental at the time, like cesarean sections, were commonly performed on enslaved Black women. Physicians like the once-heralded J. Marion Sims, an Alabama doctor many call the “father of gynecology,” performed torturous surgical experiments on enslaved Black women in the 1840s without anesthesia. And well after the abolition of slavery, hospitals performed unnecessary hysterectomies on Black women, and eugenics programs sterilized them.”

If you think Black characters are not in pain, or that they’re overexaggerating, you’re more likely to be okay with them suffering more in comparison to those whose pain you take more seriously- to those you believe.

What’s My Point?

My point is that whatever terrifying scene you think you’re writing, whatever violent whump scenario you think you’re about to put your Black characters through, there’s a chance it has probably happened and was treated as nonimportant (damn shame, right?) And when those terrifying scenes are both written and read, the way their suffering will be felt depends on how much you as a reader care, how much you believe they are suffering.

There’s a joke amongst readers of color that many dystopian tales are tales of “what happened if white people experienced things that the rest of us have already been put through?” Think concepts like alien invasion and mass eradication of the existing population- you may think of that as an action flick, meanwhile peoples globally have suffered colonization for centuries. The Handmaid’s Tale- forced birthing and raising of “someone else’s” children, always subject to sexual harassment by the Master while subject to hate from the Mistress- that’s just being a Mammy.

There’s nothing wrong with having Black characters be violent or deal with violence, especially in a story where every character is going through shit. That is not the problem! What I am trying to tell you, though, is to be aware that certain violent imagery is going to evoke familiarity in Black viewers. And if I as a Black viewer see my very real traumas treated as entertainment fodder- or worse, dismissed- by the narrative and other viewers, I will probably not want to consume that piece of media anymore. I will also question the intentions and the beliefs of the people who treat said traumas so callously. Now, if that’s not something you care about, that’s on you! But for people who do care, it is something we need to make sure we are catching before we do it.

“So I just can’t write anything?!”

Stop that. There are plenty of examples of stories containing horror and violence with Black characters. There’s an entire genre of us telling our own stories, using the same violence as symbolism. I’m not telling you “no” (least not always). I’m telling you to take some consideration when you write the things that you do. There’s nothing wrong about writing your Black characters being violent or experiencing violence. But there is a difference between making it narratively relevant, and thoughtlessly using them as a “spook”, a stereotypical scary Black person, or a punching bag, especially in a way that may invoke certain trauma.

The Black Guy Dies First

The joke is that we never survive these horror movies because we either wouldn’t be there to begin with, or because we would make better decisions and the narrative can’t have that. But the reality is just that a lot of writers find Black characters- Black people- expendable in comparison to their white counterparts, and it shows. More of a “here, damn” sort of character, not worth investment and easy to shrug off. The book itself I haven’t read, just because it’s pretty new, but I’m looking forward to doing so. But from the summaries, it goes into horror media history and how Black characters have fared in these stories, as well as how that connects to the society those characters were written in. I.e., a thorough version of this lesson.

Instead, I wrote an entire list of questions you could possibly ask yourself involving violence or villainy involving a Black character. Feel free to print it and put it on your wall where you write if you have to! I cannot stress enough that asking yourself questions like these are good both for your creation and just… being less antiblack in general when you consume media.

Black Horror/Black Thriller

We, too, have turned our violent experiences into stories. I continue to highly suggest watching our films and reading our stories to see how we convey our fear, our terror, our violence and our pain. There are plenty of stories that work- Get Out, The Angry Black Girl and her Monster, Candyman, Lovecraft Country (the show) and Nanny are some examples. There’s even a blog by the co-writer of The Black Guy Dies First who runs BlackHorrorMovies where he reviews horror movies from throughout the decades.

Desiree Evans has a great essay, We Need Black Horror More Than Ever, that gets into why this genre is so creative and effective, that I think says what I have to say better than I could.

“Even before Peele, Black horror had a rich literary lineage going back to the folklore of Africa and its Diaspora. Stories of haints, witches, curses, and magic of all kinds can be found in the folktales collected by author and anthropologist Zora Neale Hurston and in the folktales retold by acclaimed children’s book author Virginia Hamilton. One of my earliest childhood literary memories is being entranced by Hamilton’s The House of Dies Drear and Patricia McKissack’s children’s book classic The Dark-Thirty: Southern Tales of the Supernatural, both examples of the ways Black authors have tapped into Black history along with our rich ghostlore.” “Black horror can be clever and subversive, allowing Black writers to move against racist tropes, to reconfigure who stands at the center of a story, and to shift the focus from the dominant narrative to that which is hidden, submerged. To ask: what happens when the group that was Othered, gets to tell their side of the story?”

For on the nose simplicity, I’m going to use hood classic Tales From The Hood (1994) as an example of how violence can be integrated into Black horror tales. Tales From The Hood is like… The Twilight Zone by Black people. Messages discussing issues in our community, done through a mystical twist. Free on Tubi! If you want to stop here before some spoilers, it’s an hour and a half. A great time!

In the first story, a Black political activist is murdered by the cops. The scene is reflective of the real-world efforts to discredit and even murder activists speaking out against police violence, as well as the types of things done to criminalize Black citizens for capture. The song Strange Fruit plays in the background, to drive the point home that this is a lynching.

The second story deals with a Black little boy experiencing abuse in the home, drawing a green monster to show his teacher why he’s covered in wounds and is lashing out at school.

The fourth story is about a gangbanger who undergoes “behavioral modification” to be released from prison early. Think of the classic scene from A Clockwork Orange. He must watch as imagery of the Klan and of happy whites lynching Black bodies (real-life pictures and video, mind you!) play into his mind alongside gang violence.

Isn’t Violence Stereotypical or antiblack?

That last story from Tales From The Hood leads into a good point. It can be! But it does not have to be! Violence is a human experience. By suggesting we don’t experience it or commit it, you would be denying everything I’ve just spoken about. We don’t have to be racist to write our Black characters in violent situations. We also don’t have to comprehend those situations through a racist lens.

Even experiences that seem “stereotypical” do not have to be comprehended that way. I get a LOT of questions about if something is stereotypical, and my response is always that it depends on the writing!!! You could give me a harmless prompt and it becomes the most racist story ever once you leave my inbox. But you could give me a “stereotypical” prompt and it be genuine writing.

Let’s take the movie Juice for example. Juice in my honest to God opinion becomes a thriller about halfway in. On its surface, Juice looks like bad Black boys shooting and cursing and doing things they aren’t supposed to be doing! Incredibly stereotypical- violent young thugs. You might think, “you shouldn’t write something like this- you’re telling everyone this is what your community is like”. First- there’s that respectability politics again! Just because something is not a “respectable” story does not mean it doesn’t need to be told!

But if we’re actually paying attention, what we’re looking at is four young boys dealing with their environment in different ways. All four of them originally stick together to feel power amongst their brotherhood as they all act tough and discover their own identities. They are not perfect, but they are still kids. In this environment, to be tough, to be strong, you do the things that they are doing. You run from cops, you steal from stores, you mess with all the girls and talk shit and wave weapons. That’s what makes you “big”. That’s what gives you the “juice”- and the “juice” can make you untouchable.

I want to focus particularly on Bishop, yes, played by Tupac. Bishop, the antagonist of Juice, is particularly powerless, angry, and scared of the world around him. He puts on a big front of bravado, yelling, cursing, and talking big because he’s tired of being afraid, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it otherwise. So when he gets access to a gun- to power- he quickly spirals out of control. His response to his fear is to wave around a tool that makes him feel stronger, that stops the things that scare him from scaring him.

Now, that is not a unique tale! That is a tale that any race could write about, particularly young white men with gun violence! If you ever cared for Fairuza Balk’s character in The Craft, it is a similar fall from grace. But because it is on a young, Black man in the hood, audiences are less likely to empathize with Bishop. And granted, Bishop is unhinged! But many a white character has been, and is not shoved into a stereotype that white people cannot escape from!

Now would I be comfortable if a nonblack person attempted to write a narrative like Juice? Yes, because I’d worry about the tendency to lose the messaging and just fall into stereotype outright. But it can be done! The story can be told!

“But if Black violence bad, why rap?”

The short answer:

“In order for me to write poetry that isn’t political, I must listen to the birds, and in order to hear the birds, the warplanes must be silent.”

Marwhan Makhoul, Palestinian Poet

First, rap is not “only violence and misogyny”. Step your understanding of the genre up; there are plenty of options outside of the mainstream that don’t discuss those things. Second, every genre of music has mainstream popular songs about vice and sin. The idea that Black rappers have to be held to a higher standard is yet another example of how we are seen as inherently bad and must prove ourselves good. We could speak about nothing but drugs and alcohol and 1) there would still be white artists who do the very same and 2) we would still deserve to be treated like humans.

That said, many- not all- rappers rap about violence for the same reason Billy Joel wrote We Didn’t Start the Fire, the same reason Homer first spoke The Iliad- because they have something to say about it! They stand in a long tradition of people using poetry and rhythm to tell stories. Rap is an art of storytelling!

Rap is often used as an expression of frustration and righteous anger against a system built to keep us trapped within it. I’m not allowed to be angry? Why wouldn’t I be angry? Anger is a protective emotion, often when one feels helpless. Young Black people also began to reclaim and glorify the violence they lived in within their music, to take pride in their survival and in their success in a world that otherwise wanted them to fail. If I think the world fights against me no matter what I do, I’d rather live in pride than in shame with a bent head. Is it right? Maybe, maybe not. But if you don’t want them to rap about violence, why not alleviate the things leading to the violence in their environment?

Whether you choose to listen to their words, because the delivery scares you- and trust, angry Black men scared the music industry and society- doesn’t make the story any less valid!

Conclusion

I am going to drop a classic by Slick Rick called Children’s Story. I think listening to it- and I mean genuinely listening- summarizes what I’ve said here about how Black creators can tell stories, even violent ones, and how even the delivery through Blackness can change how you perceive them. Please take the time to listen before continuing.

I’ve been alive for 28 years and have known this song my whole life, and it just hit me tonight: not once is the kid in this story identified as Black! My perception of this story was completely altered by my own experiences, who told the story, and how it was told.

That’s what I’m trying to tell you. You can tell stories of violence that involve Black characters. I love and adore a good hurt/comfort myself! But you need to be cognizant of your audience and how they’ll perceive the story you’re telling, and that includes the types of imagery you include. It’s not effective catharsis via hurt/comfort for the audience if your Black readers are being completely left out of the comfort. “I wrote this for myself” that’s cool, but… if you wrote racism for yourself, and you’re willing to admit that to yourself, that’s on you. I’d like to think that’s not your intention! You can write these stories of woe and pain without mistreating your Black characters- but that requires knowing and acknowledging when and how you’re doing that!

@afropiscesism makes a solid point in this post: our horror stories are not just fairytales full of amorphous boogiemen meant to teach lessons. Racial violence is very real, very alive, and we cannot act like the things we write can be dismissed outright as “oh well it’s not real”. Sure, those characters aren’t real. But the way you feel about Black bodies and violence is, and often it can slip into your writing as a pattern without you even realizing it. Be willing to get uncomfortable and check yourself on this as you write, as well as noticing it in other works!

If you’re constantly thinking “I would never do this”, you’ll never stop yourself when you inevitably do! If you know what violent imagery can be evoked, you can utilize it or avoid it altogether- but only if you’re willing to get honest about it. You might not intend to do any of this, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t change the pattern, because as always, it’s the thought that counts, but the action that delivers!

[eyelessfaces]

everyone deserves a chance

bob reynolds x reader

summary: The last time you had been face to face with Bob, you were convinced this was the last you would ever see of him, because deep down he was just as much. Because despite his glassy and bloodshot eyes looking at you one last time as you begged him not to, you knew this was bigger than you. Bigger than his own will. A desperate attempt at a new start.

tags: fluff, angst, oblivious idiots in love, friends to lovers, mutual pining, mentions of drugs and addiction, mental health, hurt/comfort

word count: 1.6k

masterlist | taglist | ao3 | @eyelessupdates

buy me a coffee ♡

You never thought you would see him again.

The last time you had been face to face with Bob, you were convinced this was the last you would ever see of him, because deep down he was just as much. 

Because despite his glassy and bloodshot eyes looking at you one last time as you begged him not to, you knew this was bigger than you. Bigger than his own will. 

A desperate attempt at a new start. 

His words stuck with you for the next few months he was gone. 

They cut deeper than they should have. 

You would see him in your dreams repeating that if you hadn’t mattered so much to him, he would have left for Malaysia without a single word, without even letting you know, just the way he did it for everyone else. 

That he wanted to say it, owed you as much as a goodbye because you had been the only person that really ever had his back ever since high school.

You knew what he had gone through. You knew it had been foolish and innocent to expect you could just fix him. But you also knew that he did his best and if he figured starting a life in another country would be good for him, then you would let him, no matter how much having him disappear on you left a hollow place inside.

So when you saw him on the television at work when a customer switched it to the news channel, you almost dropped the cup of coffee you were in the middle of preparing. You had set it aside, stepping closer to the television hung on the wall to make sure you weren’t hallucinating it, to make sure it wasn’t your subconscious playing sick jokes on you by making you see him in other people. 

But it was him. His hair was just a bit longer than when he faced you on your porch the night he said goodbye. 

The first few seconds of realizing he was back in America had you unconsciously smiling, but the next few hours had you properly shattered. 

How long had he been back? 

Why didn’t he come see you? 

Had this trip to Malaysia just been a way to cut you off and never look back on you? 

You had done your job for the rest of your shift on autopilot, like a robot programmed to do so. Your mind was somewhere else completely as you were turning it all around in your head, desperately trying to make sense of it all. You had been buried so deep inside your own head that you didn’t even realize that your shift was over until your coworker shook you out of your thoughts and told you to get going. 

You took the longest way home, picking the most impractical metro line just so you wouldn’t have to ponder about this back home and drive yourself crazy in your own space. 

That didn’t stop you from doing so, but now you knew that you were going to have to come to terms with the fact that Bob doesn’t need you anymore.

—

“Oh, some Bob guy asked for you yesterday”

You glance to the side, your heart skipping a beat and a wave of nervousness filling your torso as you suddenly stop wiping the counter clean. You blink, fazed, and watch as your coworker writes Robert on a cup. “What did he say?” you ask, your voice wavering slightly before you toss the dishcloth aside, lightly clearing your throat as you brace yourself.

She shrugs. “He looked like he didn’t really know what he wanted. Looked around for a bit, asked if you still worked here. Then kinda spaced out when I told him you weren’t here that day”

“Yeah, that would be him,” you mutter under your breath, taking the man’s payment.

“That Bob’s an ex?” she asks lifting an eyebrow as she prepares the man’s order. 

You thank the man, tell him his order is coming up and sigh once you turn back to your coworker, scratching your forehead. “Uh, worse,” you joke.

She takes the answer with an amused smile, not asking for more. She calls out for the Robert in question once she’s finished with his order, and turns back to you once the man leaves with his cup. “Well, whatever that was, it seemed important”

—

Your friendship with Bob had worsened when you found out he was taking meth, but then again, you knew giving up on him wasn’t the solution. 

Bob had been a good man since as long as you had known him, so it would have been unfair. 

Then he was the one to give up on you.

But still, you couldn’t even entirely blame him, and even less as he sat in front of you.

Bob's eyes flicker along your face, a beaten expression painted over his own. You’re not sure what to say, or in fact you are just unsure of where to start.

But you’re not the one that is owed an explanation. 

“I uh–” he clears his throat. “Do you remember the presentation we did in high school?” he eventually asks, fiddling with the coffee cup in front of him. “The one that made us become friends” he specifies with a nod, a small, weak smile growing over his face as he reflects on it. 

You nod slowly, cautious. “Drugs,” you say. “It was on drug abuse” you mutter under your breath.

“Yeah,” he breathes out. “It goes way back so you probably don't remember, but when we were done presenting it some girl raised her hand and said something like ‘Some people just don’t want help, they chose to do drugs, they don’t deserve sympathy’” 

The statement makes you grimace, a sour scoff escaping your lips. It stings even more now considering the circumstances, but you wait for him to go on. 

“And you said– you didn’t even hesitate and you said, ‘You don’t know what made them turn to drugs, no one chooses to be broken, everyone deserves a chance’” Bob nods, swallowing hard, pinching his lips into a small smile. He looks down at the coffee you made him, nodding again as he smiles before he looks back up at you. 

“You don’t know it but it stuck with me for so long, and even more when I became an addict” he confesses with all the sincerity he could convey. You say nothing. Your chest tightens. “I wanted to be better. I really did. That’s why I left.” 

Your gaze softens at his words, and it all comes crashing back on you when he dives in and tells you about it all – the lab thing being part of the reason he left for Malaysia, how it all went wrong, Sentry, the Void, his new– friends? Everything. As crazy as it sounds. 

You let go of a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding once he’s done telling you all about it.

“This is insane,” you eventually murmur, rubbing a hand over your face. He tilts his head to the side in silent agreement. “But you do look better” you eventually say, granting him a genuine smile.

His mouth twists into a coy smile and he shrugs. “I’m past the meth thing” 

“That’s… That’s good for you. I’m glad” you smile. 

An ugly, awkward silence falls between the two of you. Charged with the weight of tension. 

Way different than the comfortable silence you used to share by just existing within each other’s space.

You don’t know what you should say to him. 

You don’t know if you should ask him if there was any chance it would have held him back if you had finally confessed your feelings for him that night on your porch.

You stop wondering when Bob calls out your name. “I’m trying my best. I want to make it right” he explains. “I didn’t reach out sooner because I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know how to face you again”

You take a moment to process his words, the effect they have on you. The truth is, you don’t know how to face him again either. Not when everything between you has gotten this hard. 

You look around the empty coffee shop just to give you a break from looking at him, from his pleading gaze. “Bob–”

“–I wanted to be someone worthy of you.”

You halt, your eyes fluttering close. The knot inside your throat tightens. You look back at him, tears threatening your eyes. Your hand reaches for his over the table. “I’m proud of you” you whisper.

He exhales sharply, like he had been holding his breath for months just waiting to hear that from someone. His fingers twitch under your hand, then turn gently to hold it. It’s tentative at first, then firm enough to let you know he wants this. Wants you.

Your thumb brushes lightly across his knuckles, gently, and suddenly the air between you is full with all the things you never explicitly told each other. The glances that lingered too long, the late nights you spent on rooftops and porch steps, every time you would hang out in your childhood home because his wasn’t even an option if his parents happened to be here.

“I know I ruined everything for us. I’m sorry. Give me a chance. Please” he pleads, his voice rough and low, his eyes shifting from your linked hands to your face.

You look at him, really look at him, and you know he means it. He means every word he says, never meant to hurt you, only ever tried to save himself.

A weak, tentative grin grows onto your face before you speak again.

“Everyone deserves a chance, right?”

—

any and every feedback/reblog/comment is greatly appreciated and I mean this with every part of myself!!

buy me a coffee ♡

[nomoredying]

the voice pt.1

listener!sevika x radio host!reader

modern au, veteran!sevika, sevika has ptsd, insomnia, sevika’s perspective, one-sided pining (maybe), open ending, not a lot of interaction between reader and sevika in this one don’t come for me. pt 2

sevika drops her keys into the bowl by the door. they hit too loud. a sharp, clinking sound in the silence. she winces, just barely.

another shitty shift. another overpaid asshole who thinks a private bodyguard is an accessory they can use however they like. 

she shrugs off the jacket, boots next. cracks her neck, rolls her wrist. the place is dim, lived-in, but clean. everything in its place. chores are done like muscle memory. she feeds the sourdough starter. checks if the security camera picked up anything weird. throws a dark load into the wash.

it’s 01:07 when she finally sits down. just sits.

she doesn’t want to look at her phone. doesn’t want a drink. doesn’t want anything.

sleep won’t come. it never does. she doesn’t even try anymore.

“have you ever thought that maybe you don’t want to sleep on a subconscious level?” her therapist said last week, like she knows shit, “the brain resists closing loops it doesn’t trust,”

sevika wanted to laugh in her face. like hell she wants to lie awake until dawn staring at the ceiling.

she only keeps going to that therapy thing because it’s in her contract. graveline security solutions mandates it for field agents with over 6 years on record. mental hygiene or whatever. bullshit.

she shifts on the couch. the silence stretches. the lights from the street bleed in weak and watery through the blinds. and then — her elbow knocks the old radio. just a little nudge, but apparently it’s all that takes to turn it on. static, then music.

low and husky, something dreamy. guitar like honey, drums like heartbeat.

she wants to turn it off, but for some unknown reason, she doesn’t. not just yet.

a female voice comes in. your voice.

soft, just a little sharp around the edges. it feels oddly familiar instead of performative. as if the hostess of this programme sevika is hearing for the first time is not a hostess of any programme but just an old friend one’d have a deep talk in the middle of the night during your camp. 

this is something i wrote only recently when i was thinking about silence. don’t you think it’s often waiting, rather than empty? 

the voice says. then music again.

sevika blinks and leans back slowly, letting the song fill up the space around her. 

she doesn’t mean to listen to the whole thing, but she does. she doesn’t know when it started, but it ended at 02:00.

you read letters, tell small stories, pause often like you’re checking if whoever is listening to you is still there.

if you’re still awake, i hope you sleep well when it comes. and if it doesn’t — you’re not alone. this was midnight voice. goodnight. 

then silence. 

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

it starts again the next night. around midnight.

she doesn’t think about it too much — just comes home, throws her bag somewhere, peels off the layers of another long day. the same old ghost chewing on her spine.

and then she turns on the radio.

walks around the apartment, lights a cigar, window cracked just barely open.

tonight’s air feels heavier, doesn’t it? not in a bad way, just.. full. that’s good. we don’t always have to be light.

your voice. same gentle, slightly hoarse tone, like you’ve been whispering all evening. like you’re not talking to a crowd — just to someone.

sevika exhales smoke slowly. watches it curl toward the ceiling.

she doesn’t mean to stay again. but by the time the hostess says “sleep well, wherever you are”, sevika’s leaning back in her chair, legs stretched, half-lidded eyes, cigar long dead in the tray.

another night sevika is eating too late — steak she didn’t finish from lunch, cold, directly from the pan. radio’s already on when she sits down.

i got a letter from a trucker today. said he only catches this show when he’s stuck on the road overnight. he called this program a lighthouse. i liked that.

sevika’s chewing slows. she looks at the radio like it might look back.

a lighthouse, huh? a bit dramatic, maybe. but hell — she’s slept three nights in a row now. a full night sleep without any nightmares. that hasn’t happened in years. 

she might be reading when the radio’s on at that time. or trying to. the words blur sometimes. doesn’t matter. the voice helps. she doesn’t even notice when the book slips out of her hand. just wakes up at 6:12am, blanket pulled over her somehow.

by the end of the week, sevika is counting down to midnight. not out loud. not even consciously. but she’s waiting.

23:50 — she paces.

23:57 — she brushes her teeth, takes off all extra clothes.

00:00 — she turns on the radio.

hi. if you’re still awake.. i’m glad we’re here again.

yeah.

me too. 

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

the therapist’s office smells like artificial citrus and beige carpet. sevika stares at the wall clock. the constant tick-tacks annoy her.

“how is your sleep lately?” her therapist, a woman probably around her age, who looks like she owns a library and three cats, says.

sevika shrugs. “fine,”

“fine, as in?” 

“i’m sleeping. through the night,”

that gets her a look. 

“interesting,” therapist’s face is thoughtful, “did you find a hobby? something relaxing before bed?” she asks, curious if sevika indeed listened to her words and didn’t brush them all off.

sevika exhales through her nose.

“there’s this radio show,” she finally says reluctantly, as if the late-night program was a secret only her and the voice shared.

“radio?”

“midnight to two. some woman talks. plays music,” 

therapist nods, starts scribbling.

“and it helps?”

“i guess. i don’t dream,”

“that sounds like progress,”

sevika rolls her eyes, but doesn’t argue.

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

at work, someone notices. unfortunately, it’s jinx, the owner’s wild-ass daughter who was somehow given a desk and a badge. everyone knew she was a troublemaker and she also annoyed the fuck out of sevika.

she follows sevika into the breakroom, grinning like a raccoon on acid. sevika wouldn’t be surprised if that were to be true.

“you’re too quiet,” jinx says, narrowing her eyes. she studies sevika’s face, searching for some signs that it’s an alien who murdered sevika and took her face.

sevika looks up.

the girl continues, “in a less scary ogre way, you know? did you kill someone or get laid?”

“get out of my face,” sevika glares.

jinx throws her hands up, “so it was getting laid. i knew it!” but before the woman starts threatening her, she adds, “alright, jeez. but tell your mystery woman she’s doing the world a service,” she skips out.

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

by the way, let me remind you that we have an inbox, in case you ever feel like talking. well, writing. it’s open. no pressure.

that night, sevika doesn’t think about it much.

she’s never written a letter. not really. doesn’t see the point. let people write their little poems or confessions, whatever keeps them breathing.

she’s not that kind of person.

yet the next morning, she opens her laptop.

hands hover above the keys.

she types.

you said silence isn’t always empty. sometimes mine is just fucking loud

stares. backspace.

you talk like you know people. you don’t. not really

delete. pause. try again.

i don’t sleep. i do now. it’s your fa—

ugh. what is she, seventeen?

with an irritated grunt, she slams the laptop shut and goes to shower. forgets about the whole thing.

later that evening, sevika gets pulled into a fancy dinner. some celebration. new contract, big client, who knows. silco insisted she at least shows her face.

she walks in dressed better than usual — slacks, black blazer, dark button-up. doesn’t like crowds, but knows how to move through them.

a hostess greets her near the entrance. and a woman next to her says something that doesn’t matter, because sevika hears the voice, not the words. 

she blinks. 

that voice. could it be? is it really you? 

no. it’s not. similar, sure, but it’s a crowded place, lots of chatter. maybe her brain’s playing tricks. she follows the hostess through the restaurant, barely registers the rest. her mind still wraps itself around that tone.

at the table, everyone’s already talking — loud, laughing, drinks clinking. she doesn’t join them. 

her eyes scan the place looking for something far more interesting.

and there she is. that woman, moving quickly from place to place. behind the bar, then helping a waiter balance plates, then checking on another table with a glowing grin.

she is graceful in her chaos. not just pretty — bright. the kind of energy that turns heads without trying.

no.

not you.

the voice is soft, late-night kind of soft. tired warmth. this woman is laughing, waving across the room. she’s the type to sleep in someone’s arms having sweet dreams, not hosting a late radio show.

but then she says something, quick and familiar, to a customer. a specific, odd little thing.

one sevika  remembers hearing last week, around 01:45 a.m., wrapped in some rambling story about voice’s favorite café.

my grandma once told me i’d be a great bookworm. not people in glasses and sweaters, but the actual worm in a book.

she looks up.

you said it. right now. same tone.

it is you.

you — the late-night voice that coaxes her to sleep like a lullaby. you — the one she imagined curled up with a notebook and tea.

quiet. maybe shy. maybe a little lonely.

not this. not radiant, multitasking, command-the-room you. and yet, it clicks. somewhere in her chest. a strange kind of awe.

and… something else.

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

it’s not even noon.

sevika doesn’t go to restaurants to just have a breakfast. especially that her breakfast is only coffee most of the time. but here she is, short hair still damp from the shower.

the restaurant looks completely different during the day. quiet. gentle music playing. the sunlight spills over the tables like something out of a damn commercial. books, plants all around the place. cozy.  she picks a spot near the window. asks for coffee and whatever’s good. doesn’t look around too much. tries not to, anyway.

the waiter brings her food, and sevika asks.

“yep, that’s our manager. she’s in today,”

she nods. the voice in her head doesn’t match the image in front of her. but it does. like two puzzle pieces she didn’t think would fit, now clicking into place with disturbing clarity.

you’re at the other end of the room, laughing about something with a barista. but you glance her way. of course you do. he told you. stupid bastard.

your eyes catch hers very briefly.

she looks down. sips her coffee like it might save her life. checks her phone, scrolls. pretends to be busy and unbothered and indifferent and not the person that asked about the manager.

maybe twenty minutes pass when you disappeared into the back for a bit. she finishes half her plate, then just… picks at it, like waiting for something.

and this something happens because then she sees you walking toward her.

a small piece of paper in hand. you’re smiling. god, you’re glowing, it’s ridiculous. she hates it. no, she doesn’t.

“hi,” you stop next to her table.

she looks up.

you slide the paper across to her. a clean, fast sketch — her, sitting right where she is, chin resting on one hand, eyes distant. and underneath: i love your eyes. you look like someone who has a beautiful smile. and your number, scrawled at the bottom. 

and then you just walk away.

sevika stares at the sketch for a while. then folds it carefully, like something fragile. puts it in her jacket pocket.

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

to: midnightvoice87@radiofm.com

subject: (none)

i want to know if saying it out loud — or writing, whatever — makes it less real.  i was in a war. not the kind that gets monuments or medals. the kind you crawl out of and no one cares that you did. the dreams are fucked. they have a fancy name for it. sometimes they’re not even dreams. just scenes, stuck on repeat. buildings, blood, the smell of heat and sweat. i haven’t slept right in years because of them. therapist call it hypervigilance. i call it what it is: not trusting the world or myself enough to close my eyes at night. but your voice cuts through that. you speak like the night is not hollow. i sleep now. not all nights, but i do. that’s fucked up and amazing. it matters. i saw you, by the way. at the restaurant. you were brighter than i expected. 

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

you didn’t read her letter that night. you didn’t say her name. and fuck, she’s glad you didn’t share it. it wasn’t for everyone. it was for your and your eyes only. the way you said:

this next track is for anyone who’s been up at 3AM wondering if it’ll ever feel okay again. i don’t have answers. but I’ll stay up with you.

was enough.

sevika doesn’t text or call. but the number you gave her still lives in her pocket, folded up like a secret.

maybe someday. maybe next week.

⚢ ⚢ ⚢

it’s thursday. 23:59. radio already on. like always. but then —

a click. different intro music. a man’s voice?

good evening, this is ‘night drift’ with miles. thanks for joining me.

sevika frowns and waits. ten minutes in, she’s still waiting. at 00:17, she grabs her phone, calls the number on that drawing.

three rings. someone picks up. not you.

“hello?” male. quiet. sounds like he’s not sure whether to pick up or let it go, “hi? are you a friend?” he sighs, tired but soft.

“something like that,” sevika’s voice comes out lower than usual.

he paused, “she’s in the hospital. got hit by a car. not awake yet,”

everything in sevika goes still. she doesn’t hear anything he says before he asks about telling you about the call when you wake up, and, “don’t,” slips out too fast out of her mouth.

“alright,” he says eventually, “are you sure?”

“yeah,”

“okay. good night,”

call ends.

she lowers the phone. the apartment is too quiet. annoyingly quiet. 

she sits there, phone resting in her palm.

for the first time in years — her chest aches in a way that has nothing to do with war, or blood, or fear.

just you.

tags: @riotstemple29

[misctf]

I love your VR drone tf so much. Being transformed and controled by the hive mind is just so hot!

A sequel to Careful with VR (hypnosis, muscle growth). Glad you liked it! I have a few asks to still get through, but slowly working on them!

“I ain’t gay.” Joey whispers to himself, “Jus’ curious.” He continues, staring closely at the VR headset, “Fuckin’ Derek.” He grumbles, his words garnished with his typical southern accent, “Nobody’ll find out.” He reassures himself.

He was taken aback when Derek came out as gay. In hindsight, there were signs. Even Joey couldn’t help but admit that his buddy was attractive- he should’ve had no issues hooking up with some sorority bimbo at all the frat mixers. But he always brushed them off, never really trying with women.

“You better not be pullin’ my leg.” He thinks, placing the wrist and ankle cuffs on, “Gosh darn, this feels gay already.” Joey holds up what looks like a waist-trainer and chuckles, “Paid all this for Hive X and this is the best they got.”

It was only a few days prior when his buddy came out and Joey couldn’t seem to comprehend it. He berated him with questions, “are you sure?” and “why would you fuck around with men? Haven’t you ever squeezed a pair of tits?” And they kept coming. Derek was never the type to get angry, but Joey could tell his questioning was bothering him.

“Trust me,” Derek finally said, “men are 1000 times better at sucking dick than chicks. And don’t even get me started on the male G spot.”

Joey couldn’t believe that- the very thought of letting some guy wrap his mouth around his dick... it felt wrong. He didn’t even want to get started on anal. But as he sat in his room, thinking more on Derek’s words, he grew more curious. Derek wasn’t gonna suck him off, and the idea of letting some actual guy in real life do it felt wrong. But it kept nagging at him.

“Can’t believe they got it here so quick.” Joey picked up the headset, “Only two hours after I ordered it. Talk about efficiency.”

If he felt put off by the real deal, he figured a VR experience would suffice. Besides, once he proved it to himself, he’d know Derek was full of shit. And with a smirk, he entered the world of Hive X. It was strange- Joey realized that the cold air of his apartment no longer bothered him. Instead, he was greeted by the warmth of a fireplace.  

“Oh god.” He quickly went to cover his junk, realizing he was naked, “Seriously?” He looked around and sighed, “Guess ain’t nobody around, besides...” He let his arms rest at his sides, “Sure they’ll appreciate the show.”

He wandered down a lengthy hallway, walking past various numbered rooms. There was no indication of anything that went on behind those doors- he was just glad he hadn’t bumped into anyone yet.

“Welcome to Hive X.” Joey jumped and turned to see a normal looking, fully dressed man standing behind him, “You appear lost. I am NPC 202. I am programmed to assist guests find their desired location.”

“I ain’t lookin’ for anything special.” Joey replied, “Just gotta prove to my gay friend that men don’t know how to treat another man right.” NPC 202 cocked his head, “Jesus, I’m sayin’ gays...”

“On assessment of user preferences and subconscious, I’ve determined your ideal experience and NPC.” NPC 202 replied, “Please follow me to room 506.”

“Subconscious?” Joey raised an eyebrow, “And what...” But the NPC was already walking off, “Ain’t nothin’ in my subconscious” He reassured himself, before following behind his guide.

“Please enjoy.” NPC 202 says, standing outside room 506.  

Joey nods, his heart pounding in his chest. Was he really about to do this? Was he really going to let some guy suck him off? He could feel his dick getting hard at the thought, part of him feeling ashamed at his response. But with a heavy sigh, he entered the room. He nearly jumped when the door closed behind him, but he tried to keep his cool. The room was nothing special- it looked like a typical hotel room. But then he heard it- the lumbering footsteps.

“So you’re the guy.” Joey’s eyes widened when the NPC made its appearance, “I’m NPC 719.”

Its voice was gruff and commanding. It was taller than Joey, and far bulkier. A mat of body hair covered its chest and abdomen- its beard framing its face. Its eyes were dull, drinking in the sight of the leaner, toned man in front of it.

“You don’t think a man can make another man cum, right?” It approached Joey, and Joey could only stare, “You wanted to prove that to your friend, right?”

“Yessir.” Joey whispered as NPC 719 pressed him against the door, its musk invading Joey’s nostrils, his dick now stirring even more, growing harder.

“You’re in the right place.”

It happened quickly- the man picked Joey up and threw him onto the bed. Joey’s eyes widened as the NPC’s mouth wrapped around his cock. It was aggressive, and Joey couldn’t help but moan as his dick throbbed with pleasure. Joey’s mind was in shambles- he never... he never felt this good. There was no comparison. The sensation around his dick was so intense, his eyes rolling back in his head. And this went on and on... and on some more.

“Pl-please...” Joey gasped, his balls aching, “I need to...”

“This NPC and room are designed for edging only.” NPC 719’s voice was monotone now, “This was determined to meet your needs.”

“But I....” Joey couldn’t finish- another moan escaped his lips as NPC 719 continued to suck him off.

And in the intensity of his pleasure, Joey could feel his legs being pushed up over his head. His eyes widened as he watched NPC 719 line its massive cock up with his virgin hole. Part of him wanted to say no. To resist. But another part of him... another part of him wanted this. He wanted to feel what Derek meant by the male G spot...

“Oh fuck....” He gasped as NPC 719 entered him, its hips rhythmically moving, sending wave after wave of pleasure coursing through him, “Oh god... fuck... please...” He never felt this way- this stimulated. Yet he couldn’t cum. His balls ached bad now, his cock throbbing desperately.

“Conclude experience or initiate NPC trial period.” NPC 719 said, while still pounding Joey’s ass, “This will allow user to experience climax and additional unlimited NPC sessions.”   

Joey could barely process the words or understand what they meant. But he did know that it sounded like whatever this trial period was would let him finally release. He needed this. He needed to feel release. Fuck it- didn’t matter if Derek was right...

“Trial period.... oh god please....” He moaned.

NPC 719 stopped and Joey looked up at it with needy, desperate eyes. Before he could ask why it stopped, he felt a searing pain in his arms and legs. He grabbed at them to no avail, writhing as his body was slowly digitized. But what scared him even more was the apparent changes. As the digitization process moved along his arms, he watched as they lost their muscle- becoming slender and more feminine. His abs becoming smooth, his pecs deflating.

“No please... I didn’t!” He grabbed at his neck- his voice. Gone was his southern twang- his voice higher, desperate, and slutty, “Oh god I don’t....”

He moaned again as pain exploded from his backside as his ass expanded- inflating into an irresistible bubble butt- perfect for squeezing and fucking. NPC 719 grabbed a fistful of his new ass and grins, watching as his body hair and facial hair vanish- Joey’s face and lips shifting into that of a pouty, desperate slut.

“Initiating directives.”

Joey’s jaw goes slack and eyes dim as the mainframe connects to his mind. Memories are sifted through and repressed. His repressed homosexual desires unleashed. His pleasure receptors enhanced to mind numbing degrees. Joey can feel his name vanish from his mind, replaced with his new designation- NPC 904. His directives clear. His ass was to be used by visitors to Hive X. He would serve them obediently and in doing so would be allowed to cum. Any sense of resistance or fear being overcome by devout obedience and pride in his servitude.

“I am NPC 904.” It said, “Serving is pleasure. Being used is pleasure. I am loyal to the Hive.” It continued.

NPC 719 watched as NPC 904 was led away, a wave of pleasure from the Hive rewarding NPC 719 for a successful acquisition. Meanwhile, NPC 904 was led into its new room, the warm water from the shower caressing its sensitive body. It grew familiar with itself, squeezing its juicy ass, teasing a sensitive nipple. It couldn’t wait to meet the first guy who entered. And luckily for NPC 904, it wouldn’t be waiting too long.