#feels so painful to put it up somewhere without fixing the problems in it first

[corseque]

I found out yesterday that Twitter is so broken and unusable that you actually cannot read Wizard Story anymore... the link breaks somewher early in the story, and even if you searched to find a tweet later in the story, when you click on it, it sends you back to the first tweet in the thread. I have the entire story well saved in multiple places, but this still saddens me.

At any rate, I promised to put Wizard Story somewhere else to read easier. I promised this for forever, but I think I liked that it was difficult to read because I'm shy, so I kept it on twitter where you have to fight to read it. I figured that anyone who goes to that much trouble to read it didn't hate the experience. Idk it wasn't very helpful of me.

So that's what I'm going to be doing for the next while, finding a new home for it. Hopefully I can figure out what to do.

[good-beanswrites]

Hello! Are you still doing requests for the drabble game? (If not it's still okay!!)

I've been browsing the milgram tags and I keep seeing your drabbles here and there and I've been so in love with each and single one of them. You characterize them in a way that feels so canon I wish it was actually real. Your stories are such a delight to read!

I'd like to request Lies + Kazui and Yuno, or Kazui with anyone really. He's been a liar through and through and I'd like him to talk with someone about it, and Yuno's the only other prisoner who can truly understand him. Especially with Kazui's trial going on and him leaning guilty, he would be more antsy than usual. (But if there's another scenario you'd like that's totally fine as well ^^) Thanks!

Aww thank you so much, I'm so glad you enjoyed! :D And thank you for the request, these two are so interesting !! I imagine that Kazui can tell from the voices he hears that he's leaning guilty, or at least very close in the middle. Here's him and Yuno, following an instinctual lie that she just can't leave alone...

“I’m doing fine,” Kazui said, perfectly accustomed to lying about himself. He was used to putting on a smile when his insides were yanked into knots. He was used to ignoring signs under the surface for the sake of others. There was one thing he wasn’t prepared for, though, and that was Yuno Kashiki.

“Mmm, no you’re not.” She said matter-of-factly. She braided her hair in a complex pattern, hardly even looking at Kazui. Instead, her eyes stayed fixed on the tiny handheld mirror she’d propped up on the table in front of her.

It wasn’t the first time she’d caught him in one of his lies. She’d been merciful in the past, allowing the group to laugh it off and move on. Now, in private, she seemed much less forgiving. She wasn’t the only one in an unforgiving mood (which, conveniently, brought him back to the root of the problem.)

“What are you doing with your hair?” He peered over from behind. “It looks nice -- what’s the occasion?”

Her voice lilted as she said, “oh, well I’m so glad you asked! I’m celebrating the day that prisoner number seven tried and failed to hide his true feelings from me after I asked him oh-so politely how he was doing!” 

He returned her smile with a pained one. “I’m not hiding anything. I’m doing as well as any other prisoner. Better than most, for that matter.”

She returned to her task. “That’s a pretty low bar.”

“Heh, I guess.”

“So? What’s eating at you?”

“Just annoying young women who can’t leave an old man alone…” 

He thought they could leave it at that. Yuno disagreed. 

“Come on, it’s just us. Be honest.”

After a pause, he furrowed his brow. “Why?” 

Yuno wasn’t the nosy type. She could have probably gone through all three trials without knowing a single thing about the others’ sins. She’d been even more solitary this trial, forgoing the usual gossip and conversation. For some reason, she seemed unmovable on this request.

She caught his gaze through the mirror. He could only see one of her eyes, but from her angle she probably saw most of his face. “Because it hurts, to lie.”

It did. It had hurt for years. Even when his act became second nature, when the words flowed easily and his body moved without pause, the truth was still somewhere deep inside trying to eat him alive. Here in Milgram, he continued to feel its ache. Now, on top of the same old lies, he was trying to play the part of the calm and collected adult. Yuno was right about the bar being low -- the prisoners were in a sorry state. He had to be strong for them. She herself wasn’t doing well; despite the airs she put up, she was struggling just as much. (She wasn’t the only one who could pick up on someone else’s well-worn mask.)

So he couldn’t be honest and falter in front of her, either. Aware that his silence would be equally telling, he asked, “are you speaking from experience?”

“I’m not letting you change the subject,” Yuno pursed her lips, “but I’ll never miss an opportunity to talk about myself.”

She shifted in her chair, now turning away from the mirror to look at Kazui. He was taken aback with how smoothly the confessions spilled from her. “Yes, I know firsthand what it’s like. I know how much it hurts to lie to someone who loves you. I know what it’s like to wait until the last moment to say something, realizing it’s too late, and you’re screwed. I’ve had to cover up my pain in front of others, pretend like it’s all fun and games when it’s clearly not. And most of all, I know what it’s like to be caught in the middle of the warden’s judgment.”

“I don’t know what you mean.” He did. 

Being named guilty is the worst fate for a lot of reasons. The thought of being forgiven, though, felt worse. There was no winning. Just another thing to claw at him from the inside out.

“It hurts, Kazui. I know you feel it. I realized how much all that secrecy tore me apart inside, so I came completely clean to the warden during my interrogation. I thought maybe it could help you, too.”

His expression softened. As much as Yuno wanted to be independent of this whole situation, there was always a part of her that wanted to treat others right. Seeing her intentions were pure, he felt himself relax under her gaze. 

“Telling them the truth… and being forgiven afterwards… will it help this ache, then?” He placed a hand on his chest. It was easier to direct his questions at her, but it was clear he was curious about his own fate. “Do you feel at peace now? Can you forgive yourself?” 

She turned back around. Her eye watched him from the mirror once more. 

“Yes,” she told him, and Kazui knew he wasn’t the only liar here.

[alloutofgoddesses]

They removed your tailbone????????????????

YES!!! Story time!

It was winter. It was seventh grade. I was walking back inside on the sidewalk. The sidewalk had not been salted properly. I slipped on a huge patch of ice and instantly felt pain right where your tailbone exists. It hurt like a bitch but I had just taken a hard fall onto concrete so like of course it hurt. It went away after a while so I figured it was fine.

Until it came time to travel to my grandparents house several states away and I was in TEARS by the end of the road trip. My butt hurt SO BAD, way more than the usual aches and pains of road tripping. And then the pain didn’t go away.

At first my mother did not believe me which Rude but eventually I went to my doctor, and she ordered an X-ray and she couldn’t really tell what was wrong so she ordered an MRI and both those things led to her noticing that I have three degenerated disks in my lower spine (honestly probably the cause of most of my problems) and it looked like my tailbone was “anti-verted” which I will forever believe is just a fancy doctor term for “idk man it looks weird”

I get sent to a specialist. The specialist has ZERO bedside manner and tells me, a scared very mentally unwell thirteen year old that my only options are to have a surgery wouldn’t really fix the problem or take Advil for the rest of my life. That sucked. My mom took me to Spirit Halloween to cheer me up because it was so bad.

By this point, I’m in pain all the time. I get a special pillow to sit on both in the car and at school, and it is put in my IEP that I have special permission to stand up in class whenever necessary because the pain was just that distracting. To help mitigate the pain, I am seeing a chiropractor on a very regular basis. It’s awkward as hell because I’m experiencing puberty and he’s constantly touching my lower back and butt.

Blah blah blah I make it to eighth grade and I am having A Bad Time. I’m in so much pain that I think it’s the only thing I’m going to feel for the rest of my life. I am being heavily bullied at church on top of getting injected with a crap ton of religious trauma. At the same time I’m going through a sexuality crisis because middle school. I am scrounging for reasons to get out of bed and it’s only working sometimes. It’s BAD.

Somewhere along the line my chiropractor takes a look at my X-ray and he goes: “This is broken. This is very broken. Your tailbone is broken.”

I look at the X-ray. Instead of being attached to my spine, my tailbone is completely detached from bone, muscle, tissue, and is existing at a 90 degree angle in my body cavity. No fucking wonder it hurt so much!!

On it goes. We know what the problem is but we don’t know how to fix it and this point I have a very healthy mistrust of doctors.

Enter my eighth grade social studies teacher. Her husband has been the gym teacher at the elementary school where my dad works since idk the beginning of time probably. And also, small town, so they both me well.

She hears what’s going on. She sees me struggling to exist on the daily. She pulls me to the side after class one day and says “Hey. My son broke his tailbone a couple years ago. We went to this doctor and the surgery they did really helped.”

Cue social studies teacher getting in contact with my parents and me having approximately a million appointments at a doctor’s office in *gasp* the great city of El Paso, Texas. The doctor decides that it’s best to remove the bone because it just floating around is causing A Lot of nerve damage.

So, July 7th, 2016 I got my tailbone removed from my body in a procedure called a coccygectomy. I had to figure out how to do things while either completely laying down or standing up for two weeks because I couldn’t sit. I walked around with a Franken-butt for a few weeks until the stitches dissolved. I still have nerve damage and I will probably never be able to sit normally or without pain again but it is so much better then it used to be.

And now that social studies teacher is my principal and I have a cool scar that I can’t ever show to anyone because well. The location of the tailbone is. You know.

[aintashes]

' y'know, that's the problem with you guys. ' so his arm's currently lodged in the maw of a walker, its teeth gnashing at decadent flesh as if it has the right to so much as shamble in his direction. paimon observes it silently, his wide, sharp-toothed smile fixed eagerly in place. ' you're all so SQUISHY! like look at this! what is this— '

so his free hand's reached up, talons extending wide in an unnatural way, allowing him to grip the corpse by both of its temples with the use of only his sharpened forefinger and thumb. he gives its rotting head a little shake, like a dog might a toy. more of his skin peels as he does this, naturally, but he doesn't seem perturbed in the slightest; instead, he's pushing further, until the skull steadily begins to cave in.

' you have the equivalent of a two dollar BIKE HELMET to protect the most vital organ in your silly little body, yet you walk this earth like you're invincible! it's FASCINATING! '

so he's squeezing harder still, until his digits have sunk in deep enough to puncture the creature's rot-infused brain with barely any effort. he continues until his hand has closed into a fist, a very gooey pulp now squashed in his palm as the walker finally stops moving, its jaw now slack against his gnawed arm.

without reservation, paimon removes his hand from its now-void skull— and through the use of its FACE no less. as the body falls to the floor with a wet shlap, the entity observes the grey matter lathering his hand; bringing it to the light of the sun as if observing the quality of a gem. then he turns and eyes his company.

' i kiiinda wanna put it in my mouth. should i put it in my mouth? it looks DISGUSTING— but i've definitely had worse. whaddya think, triple-a? '

                so what? you gonna cry about it, dixie-chicks?

daryl doesn't know how they got here.

one moment, peter was helping him clear out a few of the dead from their path; the next, it's not peter anymore.

the voice is the first indication. it's not just one voice, it's many, all layered on top of each other in one messed up menagerie of sound that grates against daryl's ears the way nothing ever has before. it's both ear-piercing and deeply rumbling. terrible. unmistakeable. it startles him so much that he turns around with his bow aimed and ready, but it's much too late for anything his measly little bolts could do.

daryl has to watch as a walker bites hungrily into peter's flesh, pulling his skin right open while paimon's sharpened teeth grin with excitement. blood squirts from the wound as meat is torn right from his bones. the scene pulls a horrified sound from daryl's throat, an immediate and overwhelming sense of dread taking over his body. his bow clatters to the ground from his hands and he feels like he could just pass out if not for the absolute terror-fueled adrenaline coursing through his veins.

it's not peter, but it still is. it's his body, as strange and unnatural as it looks in this moment. maybe somewhere in there is his mind, too. either way, daryl doesn't know how this could have happened— how paimon could have snuck through their wards and their sigils. haven't they all been enough to keep the cult off their heels lately? did they do something wrong? did they fail, and now peter is gone, an eternity of hell upon them? even if paimon did somehow leave, where would that put peter? would daryl have to take off his arm to prevent him from turning? will he turn anyway?

before his thoughts can continue to panic-spiral, peter's body is further mutilated by the demon currently infesting him. talons stretch freakishly from his fingers as paimon toys with the walker, and it brings another pained little cry from daryl as the creature continues to gnaw and consume peter's muscle. this simply can't be happening. it must be an awful dream— one that he'll wake up from disturbed and in need of a long cigarette.

but daryl knows it's not a dream. not even his own mind, as damaged as it may be, can produce this kind of visceral, abject terror.

by the time the walker's body thuds to the ground, daryl comes back to reality enough to notice that he's on the ground, too. at some point he must have lost his balance and tumbled backwards in his shock. the notion of paimon putting any of the walker's dead flesh and brain matter into peter's mouth leaves daryl fighting with the taste of bile, but as waves of horror and alarm wash over him over and over again, he can only sit there and breathe heavy, dry, quiet sobs.

with whatever he has left in him, trembling hands pull his knives from their holsters. it's the only thing he's got now. even if it's stupid, even if he looks pathetic sitting there on the ground. even if his voice croaks.

‘ — give 'im back. ’

give him back, even if it means daryl has to cut off his arm so he doesn't turn. give him back, even if he's dead and daryl has to destroy his body. give him back. just give him back.

[yasminsqueendom]

1. Where There's Smoke...

WC: 4304

CW/TW: Mental Health Struggle, Emotional Manipulation, Harassment (at the end)

Micky was used to pain. The emotional kind, not so much the physical. She didn’t feel sorry for herself, though. She had things to do. Big things. She had big dreams. She was a writer. Micky wanted to have her own show on Netflix one day. Blackness was in fashion again, and she was going to cash in on the trend. Since every big corporation was jockeying for the title of the “most inclusive” she was sure there was a space with her name carved into it somewhere. Just gotta find it.

But, something was always in the way. First, it was her needy mother borrowing money from her that she never paid back. Then, it was her grandmother wanting her to put her “super-bitch” cape on to come fix some shit. Or it was her crazy ass brother threatening to kill everybody because he blamed the world for all his problems. She was still fucking her ex, and still pretending that it didn’t mean anything to her. Her friends were flaky at best. Her cat, Rufus, was aging and ill. She got no help, but she gave it all without question. She was effectively alone. Somewhat by choice and somewhat not. 

So, she wrote. 

She wrote about sex, politics, vampires, sorcerers, children, parenting, history, slavery. She only wrote Black shit. She never centered any other perspective in her content. And she almost exclusively wrote from the perspective of women. Her characters were complex. They weren’t heroes, some of them were in fact quite evil. Her characters had fears, and attitudes. Some of them were wholesome. All of them suffered in some way or another. And that was her only regret. She hated that the stories were always tainted by pain. Yes, they usually triumphed in the end, but they had to suffer first. 

Her biggest frustration in Black creative circles was THAT narrative. Pain was a Black woman’s doorway to….what? Success? Love? Peace? Self-Actualization? And Jesus, or some aspect of the church was always sprinkled in. Another annoying part of the narrative. Even when she saw faces like hers on the screen, she still wasn’t represented. Micky knew what the struggle felt like, but she REFUSED to fall into the trap of “Black woman suffers, finds God, finds a man, prays, and all is well.” Life didn’t work that way for so many like her. Yes, struggling was a part of life for a lot of people, but the church wasn’t fixing it.

So, she wrote.

Today, though, she didn’t feel like writing. Her mind was spinning as she considered the phone call she just hung up from. Her brother was veering off the rails again. Threatening his baby’s mother, and scaring all the hags of the family. Tuh. Micky almost had to laugh at that. That’s what she thought of the suddenly “concerned” elderly women of her family who never once cared what was happening with her brother when he was a child. Now that he couldn’t contain his rage anymore, they were calling on her to put her “super-bitch” cape on to save the day. She had told them to shove it. And now, she was doubting her decision.

He had lost it on the phone, calling their mother all kinds of trash ass bitches. He hated her and their grandmother and wanted both of them to die and SOON. Micky was at a loss. A decade separated her and Mark in age. She couldn’t deny the things he told her about his upbringing because she hadn’t been alive for the first ten years of his life. She had to remain neutral. Or should I get involved. But how? 

When her mother had asked, Micky lied and said Mark was just “blowing off some steam,” but she knew better. He had never sounded like this before. He kept repeating how he needed to die. How THEY needed to die. And Micky was shook to the core. How am I supposed to deal with this shit? Why do I always have to come to the rescue? It wasn’t fair. All these grown people, who had been growner than her for most of her 25 years, didn’t want to handle their own fucking problems. It made her mad. It brought up that knot in her chest that she couldn’t break apart. It triggered her anxiety in ways that only her fucked up family could. And yet, she had to stand firm in her truth.

Fact: all the fucked up shit that happened when her brother was growing up took place long before she was even a thought. And, yes, some things happened later, but she was a child through most of it. She had memories of all the loud arguments, and all the times their mother threw him out of the house. She knew her mother had put an unfair amount of pressure on him to take on adult responsibilities, in the absence of both of their fathers. Her brother had never truly been a boy. He’d always had to be a man. Even before Micky was born, their grandmother had worked him like a slave. He knew how to repair electrical systems, and pour cement by the age of 10. It had been brutal, and he never recovered from it.

The part that dug at her heart the most, was that none of the people responsible wanted to own up to that. None of them wanted to come clean and say it outright. They wanted to quiet him, but not heal him. And Micky couldn’t heal him, because his pain wasn’t something she could touch. To him, she was his baby sister that needed protecting. In reality, he had never protected her from anything. But to him, she wasn’t even a viable option to help him. And she knew all of this. Mark needed to burn up his rage slowly so that it wouldn’t explode. He used to smoke and drink it down, but since he’d stopped eating meat, and only eating raw vegetables and occasional starch, sobriety was forcing him to deal with uncomfortable truths. The explosion was coming and she couldn’t stop it. 

Writing was the only thing that made her feel better sometimes. Right now, though, that seemed impossible. She couldn’t find the inspiration to tell a story. She certainly couldn’t gather the strength to tell a story that didn’t involve pain. It was what informed all her decisions. Her survival depended on her being able to get all that shit out somehow.

She looked around her small, raggedy apartment. $15 an hour didn’t get you shit in the city. Rufus, her cat, was curled up on her futon. She almost wished she’d gone to work today, but not really. Her day job was cashiering, and every day at work pushed her to want to get out somehow. She just had to make it. But, between her personal life and work, she couldn’t maintain her motivation. It would come and go in waves. She saw all the online posts about grinding, hustling, and working non-stop until your fingers damn near fell off. But art didn’t work that way. You needed the feeling behind the words. Otherwise, your creations were bullshit. 

Frustration tightened the muscles in her neck and shoulders. A migraine was coming on. The pressure from the hags, and the rage from her brother put her in an uncomfortable position. She didn’t like the chaos that was brewing in her family, but she also knew she couldn’t stop it. She had to get to a point of acceptance, but grief didn’t work like that. It took you all over the place, snatching your edges all the while. Then, leaving you torn up and cross eyed, it dropped you off at “acceptance.” She wanted to scream. More importantly, she wanted to write. 

Her phone buzzed. He is sending threats to your grandma again. Micky wasn’t going to respond to her mother’s text. She had to stand by her decision. Her eyes moved to the corner of her phone screen before it went dark. She had been sitting here for an hour. Lost in her own damn mind for 60 long minutes, barely moving at all. Her legs were numb. Her toes were tingling. She needed a distraction. 

Her phone buzzed again. Wyd. Erik, the ex, was back in town. He hit her up every few months for some ass. She’d let him hit, too. Shit, why not? I’m single. But, she knew exactly why she needed to walk away from him. He wasn’t worth the headache. He was an asshole of immense proportions. She knew the way this would go. Micky would ignore him for hours, maybe even a day. He would send “oh you done with me?” She would reply “what are you talking about?” It would go on and on until he either ended up at her place, or she at his. It was the same thing every time. He would show interest for a week, maybe two. Then, he would disappear again. He wouldn’t even open her messages. She would hate herself for giving in, again. Another few months would go by. She would delete his number, but never block it. She had it memorized so she always knew when it was him. 

And there was her biggest problem, she couldn’t let go of the past. She kept reaching back, and every time she did, she hated herself more. Hell yeah, pain was a part of anything she created. But, she was lonely, and the only people that were always around were the people that needed her for something. Girl, shut up! Now you sound pitiful. She pressed her finger to her phone to unlock it. Another 15 minutes had gone by while she was feeling sorry for herself. 

She typed up her messages. Mom, I can’t deal with that right now. I already told you how I feel. She stood up and leaned against her counter as vertigo overwhelmed her. Her blood rushed through her body, making her nearly faint. When the feeling passed, she typed her other message. Nothing, you? Then, she turned off her phone. She needed to get out of this claustrophobic studio apartment, but she wasn’t going to see Erik, and she certainly wasn’t going over her mom’s. 

Instead, she hopped in her little 2-door hoopty and drove to a park in a nicer area. There was one down the street from where she lived, but it wasn’t nice. The city never had enough “funding” to keep neighborhoods like hers from falling into disrepair. It was all bullshit. Still, she needed a clean space to clear her thoughts enough to write about what weighed on her heart. She kept a journal in her bag, so she was always prepared. When she wasn’t feeling creative, but still needed to express herself, she would write about the very real shit she was living. She found a place to park, rolled down her windows and pulled out her journal and a pen. She never liked to interact with strangers too much. She would walk around after she was done writing, but she rarely engaged with anyone. Another thing I have to work on. Being comfortable alone. The words began to pour out of her:

Here I am about to be this man’s slut again. I never write his name down, or even save his number, but I always know. And he knows, too. He ain’t shit, but I keep fucking him because he likes it and so do I. I need to feel something different sometimes. Even when I know he’s just going to hurt me again. It’s worth it at the time. Be honest, bitch, you like that shit. You like that you don’t need to do anything. You like how effortless it is at first, but then he pulls away again, and you realize you fell for him again. You’re so fucking stupid.

Micky needed to pause. This wasn’t how she intended to write about her day. After a few deep breaths, she started again:

Anyway, the family is off the rails again. It’s sickening. I have to keep being super-bitch and it’ll be the damn death of me. Fuck that. I have to learn the power of the word ‘no’ or I’m assed out. I come from a broken family. A family that breaks the men it makes. Not on some hotep shit, though. It’s just hard as fuck being Black. Mothers keep their sons so fucking close and then release them thoroughly unprepared for the world. Niggas ain't innocent, though. They don't know how to navigate spaces without a display of "dominance," and they certainly don't teach their daughters how interactions with men should look.

Her thoughts kept going to dark places. She was losing interest in journaling. Not a first, sometimes months would go by before she could write down that inner monologue. It rarely ended on a good note. She decided she would write the next time some good shit happened to her. That way she would break up the monotony of negative thoughts. Yeah right.

She wrote some more until her hand ached. Closing her eyes, she listened to the sounds of people moving around her. Kids were playing on the slides. Dogs barked at each other from opposite sides of the street. Some lowered voices carried on the wind, a laugh sprinkled here and there. Overall, a happy ass place. Somehow, this illusion of contentment put Micky further in her feelings. There was no way all these people were this…..pleased. 

Whoa, bitch. Be realistic. These people had problems, too. At least, that was a reasonable expectation. Micky just didn't want them to look so…. happy, because she was so damn sad. Once she could put into words the dark feelings that swam in the depths of her soul, she started to feel better. She could walk around looking just as happy if she really wanted to. She needed a change of scenery. It was her day off and here she was worrying herself about things she could not control. That simply would not do.

Eventually, Micky rolled up her windows and got out of her car. She considered her appearance: a hoodie, tights, sneakers, hair twisted into a protective style. Her hair only came just below her ears. She liked it better that way, it was easier to manage. She didn't wear makeup despite the acne scars on her forehead. The weather was cooler than her preference, sitting at 65 degrees. But, her anemic ass was always cold. It was just another fact of life for her. Nobody cares how I look. Stop worrying about shit that don’t matter.

She started walking. After a while, the happy sounds around her grated on her ears. She reached into her hoodie pocket for her phone. She didn’t know what notifications she expected, but her phone was eerily silent. It had been a couple of hours and no one had responded to her yet. Somehow, this pissed her off even more. Music. She opened up her music app, looking for her “Bad B!tch” playlist. She had left her earbuds in her bag, and her bag was tucked just under the backseat of her car. Damn. She looked around, no one was close enough to hear her music if she played it quietly.

Micky resumed her walk, lost in her morbid thoughts, when she heard the last voice she expected. “Hey, Ms. Thang.” She nearly jumped out of her skin. There is no fucking way! She felt that familiar hand rest in the middle of her back. The intent was to calm her down, but calm was the last feeling moving through her body. She turned to face the man of her dreams and nightmares.

“Erik?” she ground out. Of course her ex would be here. Why not?

“Why you jump like that? You know who I am.”

“What the fuck! You know better than to run up on me like that!” The anger was coming back, now that the fear wore off. How dare he creep on her? AND have the nerve to touch her without identifying himself first. They both came from hard places. He knew that was disrespectful at best. His shit-eating grin proved it.

“I live near here. You know that. I wasn’t creeping on you, ma. Chill.” She wanted to punch that fine ass face almost as bad as she wanted to kiss those thick ass lips. He caught her eyes wandering. “See something you want?” This nigga. Micky turned to walk away. After a pause, she heard his footsteps behind her. “What’s wrong, ma? You usually more talkative than this.” Leave it to him to feel observant today. 

“I’m not in the mood for this, Erik. How did you know I was down here?”

“I didn’t know. It’s a beautiful day, and I had some free time.” Micky pursed her lips at that. 

“It’s a Tuesday. Why aren’t you at work?” Why of all times did he have to be here now?

“Oh, you know my schedule now?” Those damn dimples popped. Certain body parts of hers twitched in response.

“Nah. I know YOU.” She kept walking. He had almost immediately caught up with her. It took nearly no effort. He stood at 6 feet and 1 whole inch. That’s how he always said it to her. “One whole inch, ma.” It was disgustingly cute. Meanwhile, her 5 feet 6 inches brought her forehead right to his lips. “So why you not at work?” She asked again.

“I just got back in town yesterday. After I slept off the jetlag, I hit you up. I’m not due back in the office until tomorrow. And you clearly not at work either.” He let the sentence hang. The implication was clear. Did she want to spend that free time with him? 

“I just needed some fresh air. You brought me here a couple times. I come here on my own now. And honestly, I like it that way.” Now, think on that. 

“You tryna tell me to leave you alone?” She looked up at him. She wanted a distraction, but she was feeling a little too vulnerable for this game right now. The timing was too bad. He looked good as hell in those basketball shorts and that tight ass t-shirt. She openly raked her eyes all over him, making it clear what her desire was. But she made sure to look him right in the eyes when she spoke.

“Yes, Erik. That’s exactly what I’m saying.” She watched as his confidence wavered slightly. He was confused by her words contradicting her body language. Suddenly, his vibe changed. He hadn’t made another move, but all of him was focused intently on her. God dammit. This nigga think I wanna play cat and mouse. He looked like he would chase her if she ran. “Oh, aiight.” He finally responded.

She turned away from him again, focusing on the song that was playing on her phone. There were no footsteps behind her this time. After the song ended, she peaked back one time. He was nowhere to be seen. Because that’s not creepy as fuck. But, she wasn’t going to worry herself about it. After the way her day was going, she didn’t have the energy for the bullshit. 

Eventually, it was time to turn back. Her phone showed her that another 2 hours had gone by. It may be mid-Spring, but it was 6:00 in the evening. The sun would be going down soon. There weren’t as many people around as before. Damn, it’s the tail end of rush hour, too. She decided to slow walk her way back to her car. The fresh air had done her good. Her phone was still quiet. No one else had messaged her. It would have been a relief if it weren’t for the undeniable feeling of trouble brewing. Her anxiety was cutting up, but she wasn’t likely to ignore a gut feeling. And this feeling was deeper than usual. 

The sound of someone walking behind her got her attention. She turned the music off on her phone and pulled up her dial screen. If she was in danger, she would be ready to call for help. She gripped her house keys in her other hand in case she needed to protect herself. She shrugged until she could feel her pocket knife loosen in her bra. Micky didn’t play that shit. She had been distracted earlier, but Erik’s antics had straightened that shit out real quick.

“Yo, ma!” It wasn’t Erik’s voice this time. Fuck. She walked faster, choosing to increase distance rather than to turn around and engage. “Slow down, sexy. I’m just tryna holler.” She released her keys in her pocket and reached instead for the blade in her bra. They usually went away if she ignored them. She wasn’t going to jump to conclusions just yet. He would get the message either way. “Don’t be like that. Damn, you fine.” Micky was getting fed up. She had walked in a vaguely triangular shape, so she wasn’t too far from her car now. The thought of this creep following her all the way there made her skin crawl. She had to act.

“Thank you, but I don’t want to talk to you anymore. Have a good night!” Hopefully, he would get the message, but Micky knew better than to expect a fool to act smart. “Come on, sexy. You won’t even give me a chance? That’s fucked up.” Fuck. Clearly, dude wasn’t getting the message. “Don’t be a bitch. That shit ain’t cool. Come on, girl. Let a nigga hit for the one time.” Micky gripped her knife, and slowed her walking, controlling her breathing. She could see her car now. It would only be a short sprint to the vehicle. He wouldn’t be expecting her to run. “Bring ya ass here!” His voice sounded much closer, causing her to jump. When she looked back, he was almost in reach. She couldn’t see him that well, as the sun was setting behind him.

“I will stab you. Back the fuck up!” He paused at that. It was finally getting through his thick skull that she didn’t want shit from him. At that exact moment, her phone started buzzing in her hand. “I’ma get my nigga to fuck you up! This him right now!” She didn’t even look when she answered the phone. The idiot had slowed down, but he clearly wasn’t giving up. She answered her phone, and acted the part.

“Hey, baby. I’m in the park still, right by the parking lot. Somebody following me.” There was a short pause before she heard “Get to the car. I’ll be there. Stay on the line.” She obeyed, never once turning her back on the asshole that was bothering her, she cleared the last 30 or so feet to the car. “My nigga coming, so you might wanna disappear.” She didn’t want to look away from him to focus on getting her key in the door. So she stood next to her car, watching him watch her. He hovered about 10 feet away, clearly debating on if she was lying or not about help coming. 

Headlights blinded her for a moment as a brand new Lincoln Navigator screeched into the parking lot. At this point, the park was mostly empty, all the parents had taken their kids home. No one was around. Micky decided to use this exact moment as a distraction to get in her car. She turned the key in the ignition, put it in reverse, and started to back out when she noticed that Erik was hopping out the Navigator. Oh shit! He really came. She knew he only lived 5 minutes away, but she hadn’t expected him to show up. 

He turned toward her car. “This him right?” Before she could respond, the dumbass started booking it away from them. Erik looked like he was about to chase after him, until she rolled down her window and yelled at him to stop. He glared at her, but at this point the would-be attacker had a head start. It wasn’t worth the chase. 

“You aiight?” Erik walked toward her car, keeping one eye in the direction the dumbass had run.

“Yeah, I’m good.” Micky flashed her blade before replacing it in her bra. She sat in her car for a moment, staring straight ahead. This is too much. The tears came hot and fast. There was no way this day could get worse. And then to top it all off, she was crying in front of Erik. His eyes were wide as saucers since he’d never seen her cry before. She turned her face away from him. Of all the times to cry, I had to do it now? She heard her car door open.

“Turn it off.” Micky obeyed the quiet command. “Come on. I’ma take you home.”

“No, it’s cool. I can drive. I just need a second. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I just don’t want you sitting here in case he comes back.”

That made sense to her. She restarted her car. “Thank you for coming. I didn’t even look to see who was calling me. I should have known it would be you.”

“Ain’t nothing. You want me to come over?”

“Erik, I don’t want sex right now.”

“That’s cool. I wasn’t offering it.” That got her attention. Since when?

“Whatchu mean?”

He had the audacity to look offended. “I’ll follow you, okay?” He closed her door and started his car up again. True to his word, he waited for her to pull off before he followed.

[marksmusingsuk]

Mark Will Fix It.

I’ve always been the person who wants to fix everything. If someone I care about is struggling, I feel it deep in my chest, like it’s my responsibility to make it better. It’s not just about offering advice or being there to listen; it’s this overwhelming urge to take on their pain, to find solutions, to make things right—even if it means setting aside my own needs in the process.

Somewhere along the way, I’ve forgotten how to care about myself.

It’s not intentional. I don’t wake up each day deciding to put myself last. But when someone reaches out to me, their voice heavy with sadness or frustration, I drop everything. I give all of my energy, my time, my heart—because I genuinely care. I don’t want the people I love to suffer. But in doing this, I’ve neglected the one person I should be looking after just as much: me.

I tell myself I’ll get around to it. That one day, when everyone else is okay, I’ll take a break. I’ll focus on myself. But that day never comes. There’s always someone who needs me, and I don’t know how to say, “I can’t right now.” The guilt is instant, crushing. How could I possibly turn away when someone is in pain? I convince myself that my own struggles aren’t as important, that I can handle them on my own. But the truth is, I can’t keep ignoring myself forever.

But lately, I’ve started to realise that constantly fixing other people’s problems has left me drained. I’ve poured so much into others that I have nothing left for myself. My own thoughts, my own struggles, my own happiness—they’ve all taken a backseat. I wouldn’t treat a friend this way, so why do I do it to myself? I feel like I’m running on empty, giving and giving without ever refuelling. And when I do finally stop, when I sit with myself in the silence, I realise how exhausted I truly am. I realise that I don’t even know what I need anymore because I’ve spent so long focusing on everyone else.

I need to relearn what it means to care about me. To remind myself that my well-being matters just as much as anyone else’s. That I can’t keep giving from an empty cup. That it’s okay to step back, to set boundaries, to say, “I need time for me.” That doesn’t mean I don’t care about others. It doesn’t make me selfish. It makes me human. And if I don’t take care of myself, I won’t be able to take care of anyone else either.

It won’t be easy. It means breaking patterns I’ve followed for so long. It means reminding myself, over and over again, that my worth isn’t tied to how much I can fix for others. It means learning to be okay with saying no, with prioritising myself without guilt. It means rediscovering what brings me joy, what makes me feel alive, what gives me purpose beyond helping everyone else. Because I matter too.

Maybe you feel this way too. Maybe you’re so busy caring for everyone else that you’ve forgotten how to care for yourself. If that’s the case, let’s figure it out together. Let’s learn to make space for ourselves, to value our own needs, and to remember that we deserve the same kindness we give so freely to others. It’s time to stop waiting for the right moment to put ourselves first. That moment is now.

[beck-hartman]

Beck didn't know how to fix it because he couldn't undo what had been done. On some level, he knew part of her reaction was from all the trauma. You should leave. He hadn't meant to give her a reason to feel like he would be better off if he did, so maybe that was at the root of what he was apologizing for. Because he wasn't. He had never been better off without her.

Her hand coming over his, taking it from her side and wrapping it in her own, stilled the world again. He would fight if she was going to push him away again, but he really didn't want that battle. He'd been through that already, and it hadn't worked out in his favor. "It shouldn't have been in there to catch you off-guard, and I am sorry for that." It hadn't occurred to him to go through the pictures first and delete any, but now he realized that's exactly what he should have done.

No one had ever come close to her, which had been a terrifying thought at certain points in the last eight years when he wasn't sure she'd ever come back to him. He'd felt a mixed sense of peace and pain thinking she was happy somewhere because that's all he wanted for her. If it wasn't with him, he still just wanted her to be happy.

However, he understood her reaction. Seeing her touch that finger at the Beach Bash, realizing what it meant, he hated the guy who had put a ring there....even before he knew he had good reason. He hadn't been surprised she got married because who wouldn't marry her if he got the chance? It hadn't made seeing the proof any easier.

Using the hand she held to bring her fingers to his lips, he pressed a gentle kiss there as her eyes returned to his. And just like she promised, she started talking. He immediately wanted to jump in that she had nothing to be jealous of, but he stopped himself and let her get everything out first. If she was going to talk to him, let them work it out together, he was going to listen to every word.

She moved to face him, a better position to have a conversation. It may not have been one either wanted to have today--or ever--but they needed it. Her hand found his cheek, and his came to her waist. "Baby, I'm so desperately in love with you," he repeated the words back to her before he ever refuted any of her other fears. It started there and ended there. His love, his heart, his soul belonged to her.

"You always had a claim," he said softly, "but there's no comparison. She's great, we had a lot in common, sure, but you're you. So, alright, let's do this. What's in your column?: A Pumpkin Spice problem, watches scary movies with me even when she'd rather watch Hocus Pocus, used to be shy but still had enough boldness to color on the paper of the hyperactive kid who sat next to her, so stubborn that same kid had to make up a million stories and distractions to keep her out of her car which wasn't hard to do because he really wanted her to stay. Tried to play it cool about prom but really wanted to go because it was a normal high school experience, and she didn't get enough normal. Let me teach her how to surf, cliff jumped with me after I did it first, loves my sisters like they were her own, stands up to bullies, opened a flower shop to make other people feel as happy as she does when she gets flowers, is warm and kind and brave...should I keep going? Because I can. I really haven't even started."

Taking her hand that held his and placing it over his heart, he added, "this belongs to you. Always has. So tell me what you're feeling, and we're work through it together. Because if you're going to compare, I'll tell you how it ends, you win. You were the only one meant for me."

Shosh's eyes remained locked on her fingers as he answered. She wasn't mad at him, not at all. He had done nothing wrong. It was just...she felt so fragile. As if any sudden movements, even of her eyes, would cause her to shatter into a thousand tiny pieces. She was insecure, unable to stop thinking about all the ways that woman was probably better than her, better suited to Beck than her. She was a surfer who loved to travel, just like Beck. And Shoshanna was just a lost little girl. She had been lost since the day she was born.

More than anything, Shosh was mad at herself. This reaction she was having just went to prove how selfish she was. All Beck had wanted to do was share part of his life with her, show her some of his favorite memories, and here she was - ruining them. She was being unfair, hypocritical, and irrational. And she knew it, but she couldn't stop herself from feeling inadequate. She wasn't good enough for him, and she knew that, too.

He'd probably be better off with this other woman than he was with her. Shosh came with so much drama, always had. From her abandonment problems to her trauma from Frank, she was a lot to deal with and she knew that. But, Paloma...Shoshanna didn't know her, didn't know her life story, but she seemed carefree from the picture. She seemed...light. And Shosh just felt so heavy.

But when Beck apologized and reached out to touch her, she heard nothing but pain in his voice. Ultimately, that was what snapped her out of her pathetic little pity party. She had hurt him terribly once, and she never wanted to cause him pain again. If she could do anything to be better for him, to deserve him, it would be that. She was disgusted with herself. So she removed his hand from her side, only so she could hold it in hers. And as hard as it felt, as raw as she was, she turned to face him.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Beck. You didn't do anything wrong. It's just...it caught me off guard." Maybe if she had asked him more questions about their time apart, she wouldn't have been so shaken. It's not that she hadn't ever thought about it, she just didn't think it would do them any good to rehash those types of things. Of course he had been with other women, she had expected him to. Had thought about that when she was still in New York, wondered if he was holding someone else's body close to his as she was curled up in her own bed, unable to sleep.

No, even if she had known he was seeing someone during this trip, she probably still would have had the same visceral reaction to seeing picture proof of it. He most likely wouldn't have responded well to seeing a picture of her and Frank, either. Not just because of what Frank had done to her, but also because it simply hurt to see someone you love with someone else.

Shosh sighed, looking down once more before meeting his eyes again. They would work through it together, that was what she had promised him. That meant she had to share what was going on in her head, what she was feeling...even if she really didn't want to. "I love you," She said, wanting to reaffirm to him that this didn't change how she felt about him. "I just...I'm jealous, Beck. And I know I have no right to be, I know I had no claim over you at this point. But I can't stop thinking about - I keep comparing myself to her. I'm not being fair to you, though, and I'm sorry about that."

"It surprised me, and it was hard to see that. I didn't mean to freak you out, I'm just feeling...a lot right now. Mostly things I shouldn't feel, but things that I'm feeling anyways." Most importantly, she wanted to get one point across to him. Scooting around to face him better, Shosh placed one hand on his cheek. "I am so desperately in love with you."

[therenlover]

One Last Night In Madripoor (An 18+ Helmut Zemo/Reader Oneshot)

Synopsis: Baron Helmut Zemo is a lonely, wanted man looking for some fun, you’re a piss-poor bounty hunter in search of a connection before leaving your life of crime behind, and fate has brought you together at a party the likes of which has never been seen before. You only have one night left in Madripoor, so why not take a chance?

Tags: Smut, SoftDom!Zemo, Hook Up, Semi-Public Sex, Drinking, Safe Sex, Explicit Consent, First Meeting, Wall Sex, Blow Jobs, Cunnilingus

Rating: 18+

Warnings: Swearing, Explicit Sexual Content

Word Count: 4200~

This fic has been crossposted under the same title to my AO3!

---------

Madripoor was a place like nothing you had ever seen.

It wasn’t that the sights were anything special. You could find seedy criminal underbellies lined with neon where the streets ran red with blood anywhere if you looked hard enough. Even the ocean view didn’t do much to set it apart from any other place visually. No, Madripoor’s scenery and architecture weren’t what kept your eyes wide with wonder whenever you found yourself wandering through the winding back-alleys without a purpose. It was the people that kept you around.

Thieves, pirates, and miscreants had been taking shelter at the docks since before anyone there could remember. It was a city borne of the underbelly of society, the people nobody sees, but you saw them. You saw them every day when you stood in the main market waiting for an easy bounty. There were faces everywhere; big and small, tall and short, scarred and flawless. No two people in the streets of Madripoor were ever exactly alike. If you needed to remember someone, their unique face was right there waiting in your mind.

After living on the island for almost 6 months, most people were already cataloged neatly in your mind as friend or foe. This man, though, he was new. He was different.

The night was still young. There was some trouble at the Princess Bar that ended with Selby dead and a few murderers loose in the streets with a price on their heads, but you steered clear. Going after the killers meant going up against hundreds if not thousands of trained bounty hunters and assassins and no amount of money was worth dying over now, not while you were so close to freedom. Instead of chasing your doom, you decided to head to your room, get dressed up, and head out to wherever the music was loudest in search of a place to forget about your problems for the night. The thudding sounds of poorly DJ-ed club remixes led you to Leonardo’s Place. That’s where you found him.

You were two drinks in and sticking close to the wall when he stumbled into your line of sight. What initially caught your eye was his dancing. He couldn’t move for shit. What kept your attention, though, was his face.

There was transience to him, like at any moment someone could bump into him and he would disappear without a trace at their touch. Despite that he was gaudy. Everything about his clothing screamed wealth and fine taste from the thread count of his obnoxious purple turtleneck to the shine on his boots. He was strange, a walking contradiction, and one who had never had the pleasure of gracing your presence or screwing you over in the past. In the simplest of terms, he intrigued you. With nothing left to lose you downed the last of your cocktail and made your way to the gap in the crowd where the stranger had staked his claim. It was game time.

“You come here alone?” You asked. Your voice was barely a whisper above the heavy thrumming of the music.

He gave you a long look up and down before answering as if he were trying to size you up. Something about having his gaze linger on your body made your heartbeat soar. “I’m not looking for company,” His accented tone was gruff but left a sliver of room for reconsideration. You took the chance. What could go wrong?

With as much tact and grace as you could muster you let yourself slip a little closer to him. “What, do I look too expensive for you?” you teased, before backing off with a grin, “Thanks for the compliment, but I’m not here for that. My job is a little more… dangerous.” As you danced, the hem of your dress rode up your thigh just enough to reveal the knife holster in your garter belt. It pleased you greatly to see this handsome stranger do a double-take; that meant he was looking at your upper thigh in the first place. “I just liked what I saw in you… do you like what you see in me?”

Somehow, your little joke had endeared him to you, however minutely. Instead of brushing you off the man paused his jerky dancing for a moment to really take you in. Then, he caved. “Would you like a drink?” He asked.

You smirked. “Who would I be if I turned down a free drink from a handsome stranger,”

He met you in the middle as he offered you his hand. “I never promised it would be free,”

So, the two of you found yourselves at the bar, bodies leaned into each other and away from the rest of the sweltering crowd as the bartender slid you your order. The stranger was drinking a brandy straight while you opted for a sidecar. It was enough alcohol that you were starting to feel pretty buzzed, but you still felt in full control of yourself. You took a long sip before speaking. “So, what should I call you?”

It took him a moment to respond but once he did, he seemed sure of himself. “You can call me Helmut, but Baron is fine as well,”

You cocked up an eyebrow. “Is that a nickname?”

“More of a title,”

He took a drink as you gawked. “Like royalty?”

“Not like. I am,”

Your cheeks flushed. The rational part of your mind was so stunned by the ease with which Helmut lied that it seemed to short circuit completely, leaving you very puzzled and more than a little intrigued. “Well, pardon me, Mr. Baron. What’s royalty like you doing in a place like this?”

“There are plenty of reasons a man like me would have business here. A woman as beautiful as you, though… not so much,” he waved his hand in loose gestures as he spoke, “Why risk your life and beauty for this? A life living in the underground where you cannot so much as dream of seeing the stars?”

You finished your drink in one large swig. It burned down your throat but you relished in the pain. “Not all of us are lucky enough to be born in a place where we can see the stars. Funny enough, though, I’m just about to get out,”

“Is that right?”

“I finally saved up enough money from small jobs to buy my way out from under the Power Broker’s thumb,” Something about the way Helmut smiled at you made you feel safe. It was like you could tell him your worst, darkest secrets and not feel an ounce of fear or guilt. “I’m nothing special here, a small-time bounty hunter, and I kept it that way for a reason. I’m not valuable and I don’t know much. If I just pay my dues and keep the money coming until I can get their claws out of my back, I should be free to leave with a freighter tomorrow morning,”

Helmut was quick to respond. “Ah, travel by freighter. It’s terribly dangerous to be a stowaway, you know? Impossible to predict quite what the seas will be like,”

“Well, that’s just a risk I’ll have to take to get out of here and stop… what was it that you said I was doing? Risking my life and beauty?”

The two of you chuckled as Helmut took one last drink to empty his glass. Then, the conversation stilled. Around you people were alive, gyrating to the music as their pulses thumped to the beat, but it was like they weren’t even there. Instead, your whole being was focused on the strange man in front of you who had stolen away your sensibilities with his cool tone and thick accent. He made you feel alive. No, more than alive. Every color was brighter, every sound was sharper, every sip of your drink was crisper. He was a once-in-a-lifetime man, and this was a once-in-a-lifetime night. Oh, to hell with it!

“I like you, Baron,” you purred, pressing yourself close to him. His breath hitched the moment you touched him. He acted as if it had been a very long time since he was last touched like that. “And I think you like me too. In fact, I think you like me enough that we should take this conversation somewhere a little more private. What do you say?”

He didn’t respond. Instead, his gloved hand made its way around your wrist, and in a moment’s time, he was pulling you across the crowded dance floor towards a small, secluded hallway. You assumed that meant yes.

The instant you made it to the shelter of the shadows Helmut was on you like a man starved. One of his hands was quick to explore the skin just above the hem of your dress as the other pressed against the wall, caging you in and holding you as a more than willing hostage to his affections. He didn’t kiss your face, and you weren’t complaining about that, but he did put his mouth to good use sucking a dark bruise into your collarbone. His ministrations only stopped when a high, keening sound escaped your lips.

“You like that, don’t you, meine kleine schlampe?” he growled through gritted teeth. Something about his tone turned your already weak legs to jelly. The second you went limp in his grip, though, he pulled back. Straightening himself out, he offered you a steadying arm. You took it without hesitation. “I’m terribly sorry to be so rude. I assure you that I am not usually the type of man to hook up with someone on a whim, I’ve simply been… indisposed for many years and haven’t had many opportunities for pleasure, especially not with a woman as beautiful as you,”

His compliment was enough to have you blushing like a schoolgirl. You had killed more people than you could reasonably count, and probably fucked even more, but something about the way Helmut looked and sounded and acted made you feel almost innocent to his advances. He was a drug and you needed to get your fix before he disappeared forever.

“Does that mean you think I’m special?” You asked, all doe eyes with an innocent smile. Helmut ate it right up.

“Yes, schatzi. Very special,”

You hitched a leg up, letting your heel dig into his expensive dress pants and drag him closer to you once again. “First your little slut and now your little treasure? Which one is it, Helmut?”

“And so smart,”

“Move, Baron!”

At your insistence, Helmut was on you once again, leaving a trail of hot, wet kisses down your neck as he fiddled with his gloves, yanking them off and shoving them in his back pocket before he continued. “So demanding,” he chided, and yet he continued to lavish you with affection, his hand climbing higher and higher up your thigh. Your back was pressed flush to the wall now, and you were painfully aware of just how warm Helmut was. He smelled like a rich man’s cologne and yet his skin tasted of cheap soap when you leaned in to give him a bruise of his own.

“You love it,” you replied. He let out a husky laugh.

“I suppose I do,” he chuckled, and then his fingers brushed over your core. Your knees buckled. Helmut kept you upright with his body as he continued to taunt you through your underwear, but he seemed more confident now, almost cocky. “My needy schatzi, have you no patience?”

Your response was breathless; a confession.

“Not with you,”

Something about your words lit a fire in Helmut’s eyes. In an instant he had your leg hiked up while he ground his hardened length against your clothed wetness. Your mind went blank. He felt big. A mindless whimper fell from your lips.

“How do you want me?” Helmut asked. As he spoke he ran a light finger down your elevated thigh. You offered up another whimper. “I’ll need you to use your words and tell me what you want or I can’t give it to you,” His tone had you wet enough that you worried you were dripping.

With a gulp, you managed to fumble out the words. “I’ll blow you first if you promise to fuck me,”

That had him grinning like a wolf. “Perhaps you are my little schlampe, so eager to get down on your knees for me…” And you were. Even on shaky legs, you found yourself happily falling to your knees as the Baron fumbled with his fly. It was only then that you found yourself gazing down the hall towards the cacophony of lights and sounds and people maybe 20 feet away from your hiding place in the shadows. As if he could sense your discomfort, Helmut paused. “Are you alright?”

You nodded quickly. “I just forgot we were out in the open for a second,”

“Do you want to stop? If the location is the problem, I would gladly pause so we can find a new hideaway,” he stopped short, looking down and meeting your heavily lidded gaze, “or perhaps the idea of putting on a show excites you?” Your heart jumped out of your chest. Helmut noticed. “Well, if my little schlampe is so keen on putting on a show, she should get a move on,”

That was your cue to get to work. In a swift motion, you finished unzipping his fly and shifted his boxers, letting his lovely cock spring free. It was a pleasant penis and far as they went, average in length but thick with a leaking purple tip at half-mast. Just looking at it made you clamp your legs together.

Slowly, you gave a tentative lick up the underside of his length. He felt heavy on your tongue in the best of ways. Helmut jerked upward, a man possessed. You couldn’t help but laugh. “It’s been a long time, huh?”

“Less talking, more working little schlam-” you cut Helmut off quickly by taking most of his length into his mouth. That seemed to shut him up. His wolf-like grin had dissolved into a slack-jawed mess the second you started to suck him off. Oh, this was going to be fun.

For the most part, the Baron let you set the pace, bobbing your head and taking as much of his length as you comfortably could, but after a short while his hands were buried in your hair as he fought the urge to buck into your throat, hard. With a particularly rough snap of his hips, Helmut pulled away.

“You are an angel from heaven, schatzi,” he groaned, pulling himself slowly from your mouth as you got your first good deep breath in a while, “but a deal is a deal, and it wouldn’t be quite fair if I got to have all the fun, now would it?” Your breath hitched in your throat. Finally time for the main event.

Helmut was surprisingly gentle with you as he offered you a hand and helped you back up, only pausing to wipe a line of dribble off your chin with his thumb. With anyone else, it would have felt wholly humiliating but with Helmut… well, it did things to you you would rather not admit. You quirked up an eyebrow, though, when he got on his knees in turn, mirroring your past position. “What are you doing, Baron?”

“I simply assumed my sweet schatzi would enjoy a reward for taking my cock so well,” his words had you biting your lip as your cheeks flushed, “now be a good girl and take what I give you. I want to hear those pretty noises you made earlier,” With that, his face disappeared under your skirt. He pulled down your panties and… snickered?

“What now?” you groaned, squirming as his hot breath hit your exposed nub.

“You’re sopping wet,” he replied. Out of habit, you moved to shut your legs but found Helmut’s large hand was holding them open. “I do enjoy being sandwiched between your thighs, but you shouldn’t hide yourself from me. Take your pleasure. You’ve earned it,” That was when he began his assault on your folds.

You had been with plenty of partners over the years, all with varying proficiencies when it came to giving pleasure, but no one had ever made you feel quite as good as Helmut did while you gripped his hair and rode his face with reckless abandon. He always hit just the right spot, alternating between sucking on your sensitive clit and running his rough tongue in sloppy circles against it. In no time flat your pleasure was building toward’s its peak as your knees trembled.

“Helmut,” you squeaked, “Helmut I’m gonna cuuuUUOH!”

You were suddenly thrown over the edge of pleasure as the Baron worked you open with his fingers, pressing that spot inside of you just right. It was a revelation. Nothing would ever compare to him and you hadn’t even fucked yet. Once you had regained some semblance of stability he emerged from his place between your thighs, face slick with your juices, wearing the expression of a cat that got the cream.

“You make such lovely sounds for me, schatzi,” Helmut groaned, rising from his place at your feet and reaching into his pocket. While he fumbled for a condom you took the time to actually remove your panties, lifting one shaky leg at a time before balling them up and tossing them on the ground. You could grab them later. Or not! In all honesty, your ruined undies were the last thing on your mind as your watched Helmut roll the condom onto his proud cock, pumping himself a few times. “Now, are you sure you want this?”

You had never felt more sober in your whole life despite the drinks you’d downed earlier.

“God, yes,”

“Wonderful,”

He caged you into his body once again, lining himself up on your slick folds, and then with a pronounced bite against your collarbone, he was entering you. It wasn’t painful or uncomfortable, you just felt full, like a missing piece of your body had been completed. For the first few thrusts, you were too blissed out to really take note of anything around you, but once you tuned back into the world of the living you realized Helmut was talking. Well, babbling was more like it. He seemed to simply be speaking his stream of consciousness into your ear as he pistoned in and out of you like a madman. There was a jilted rhythm to it, but the abnormality kept you on your toes.

“I won’t be letting you go any time soon, schatzi, and definitely not on some dank freighter like a rat from the gutters. No, you will travel with me. Once I help my friends and slip away from the front lines I can take you anywhere your little heart desires. Paris, Vienna, Australia… Mein Gott, what a sweet cunt,”

Any sane woman, after hearing his sex-drunken musings, would have run. They would have heard the wild ramblings of a madman and left after their little fling was done to never see him again. It was only rational. He didn’t even know your real name. Sane women didn’t run away with strangers claiming to be barons they hooked up with in a seedy club selling stolen Van Goghs in a hub of the criminal underworld.

The only thing was, though, that you weren’t a sane woman.

You were a killer, a child left in the streets to live or die who had scraped themselves together and dragged themselves towards life. So what if the idea of some rich mysterious benefactor with a good dick coming in to save the day sounded fantastic? It was fantastic. Like your own personal version of Pretty Woman. Even if he wasn’t as rich as he claimed to be, being poor and getting dicked down by him was better than being poor and alone.

For just a moment, and with no regrets, you let yourself get lost in the fantasy and just let go.

It was as if Helmut could sense a difference.

“Are you close, little schlampe?” He gasped, letting his thrusts take on a faster staccato rhythm.

You could do little more than moan and nod as he pounded you into the wall. That seemed to be enough for him to get the message, though.

“What a good girl,” he purred. His mouth was so close to your ear, his hot breath tickling the sensitive flesh with each heaving breath he took. As he chased his own climax, he brought a hand between your bodies and rubbed tight, wet circles around your clit. It was already sensitive, your body was only barely recovering from your first orgasm, and yet something about the overstimulation was thrilling, like racing towards an impossible dream. With a shout, you came for the second time, melting into Baron Helmut’s arms as he quickly followed.

The two of you stayed there, slumped against the cool wall and still connected by your dripping sexes, for a few moments, breathing heavy. Surprisingly, you were the first to speak.

“Wow,” you breathed, letting a soft laugh escape your lips.

Helmut returned the sentiment. “You were wonderful,” In a strange moment of intimacy, he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, but then he pulled out, tying off the full condom and tossing it to the ground as he tucked himself back into his boxers and zipped up his fly.

“Are you just gonna leave that there?” you made a gesture towards his litter.

“They have janitors,”

A burbling laugh escaped from your lips. “That they do,”

Back in the main room of the party, the crowd had only grown larger as the night progressed. Nobody had seen you, nor had they noticed your cries as they danced and drank and made merry under the neon lights. You were, for all intents and purposes, invisible at Helmut’s side. Within and without. There was something exhilarating about knowing he was the only one that truly saw you in a room packed with hundreds. It was like something out of a twisted fairytale.

“So…” you broached the subject gently while you pulled down your dress to protect your modesty, “Did you mean what you said back there about Paris and Vienna, or…”

“Oh, you heard that?”

You snickered. “It was pretty hard not to with you breathing in my ear,”

“I apologize,” he leaned against the wall beside you, shoulder to shoulder in the darkness, “but yes, I meant what I said. I-”

Suddenly, from down the hall, a booming voice interrupted your moment.

“There you are!”

“Goddamnit, Zemo, I thought we told you to stay low not hire an escort,”

There, at the mouth of the hallway, stood two massive men. They were obviously displeased, and though their faces were obscured by the lights you could tell you weren’t the one they were after.

They called him Zemo… where had you heard that name before?

Helmut stepped away from the wall with a shrug. “At least I didn’t cause a scene by forgetting to put my phone on silent,”

The larger of the two men stayed where he was, while the other walked to meet the Baron in the middle.

“I swear to God, man, you’ve gotten ten times more insufferable since I learned you were rich.

The Baron shrugged. “It comes with the territory,”

“But you don’t have to be such a jackass about it,”

You felt it was a good time to chime in.

“Thank you so much for that, Helmut, but I think I should give you guys some privacy,” you said, straightening out your dress and walking deeper into the hallway. There had to be an exit somewhere…

“Wait!” When you turned, you found Helmut rushing to meet you. The men in the background looked shocked and almost smug. “Save your money. Meet me out at the airstrip tomorrow afternoon if you feel like seeing me again. If not, know that the Power Broker doesn’t let go of assets cheap, and you just slept with a man with a million dollar bounty, so buying your freedom isn’t an option. If you want to go without me, you’ll have to hitch a ride on a cargo ship but not as a stowaway. Working for your keep is the best way to stay under the radar. Nobody can touch you once you’r-”

You cut him off by pressing a finger to his lips. “I’ll see you at your private jet, Baron,”

He smirked. “So you will,” With as much gusto as a man could muster, he returned to his companions but not before offering one last goodbye. “Farewell, schatzi, until tomorrow,”

As you leaned up against the wall once more, you watched them go with a twinkle in your eye.

“Who was that?”

“None of your business, James,”

“Guys, what the hell did I just step on?”

“I believe that was my used rubber,”

“ZEMO!”

-------

a/n: I hope you enjoyed the filth! I haven’t written for Zemo before, even though I’ve loved him for years, but he’s definitely going into my main rotation now. If you have any ideas, send them my way! I’d love to fill the void, because there just aren’t very many Zemo x reader fics out there. If you enjoyed this, maybe reblog or leave a comment! I’d love to hear your thoughts. Thanks again!

Please do not post my works to any other sites, thanks! <3

[lucifer-is-a-bag-of-dicks]

Not Enough

has anyone else just wanted Danny to go completely fucking feral at Dash? anyone?

yeah me too

this is some truly self-indulgent shit y'all

"Hey Fenton!"

Danny slammed his locker shut, sighing as Dash clapped him roughly on the shoulder.

"I'm throwin' a huge ass Halloween party this weekend, ghosts are all about Halloween right? You should totally come!"

It wasn't the first party Danny had been invited to since being outed as Phantom, but somehow Dash didn't seem to get the hint that he wasn't even remotely interested.

"No." Danny snapped, he threw his bag over his shoulder and turned his back on Dash, walking away without another word.

"What's your problem?"

Danny stopped, turning back around with a face of utter disdain.

"Excuse me?"

"I've been trying to be nice, but all you do is just brush me off! Like you can't even pretend to be busy or something?"

Danny stared, mouth halfway open as he tried to find the words to respond.

"Are you actually serious?" he finally choked out, almost too bewildered to be angry.

Almost.

"You're not still mad about all that stuff from before right?" Dash asked. "Like, I don't even do that shit anymore, it's over."

"Is it?" Danny's eyes flashed brightly and Dash took a half step back as the air went cold. "Because I'm pretty sure it was just yesterday that I pulled Mikey out of his locker."

"Well, yeah but that was Mikey." Dash laughed. "C'mon man, I wouldn't do that to you. We're totally cool now, so why you gotta keep blowing me off? You talk to Kwan like it's not big deal, and he used to wail on you all the time!"

Danny took a deep, slow breath, then another.

"Have you considered that maybe it's because I don't like you?" Danny said through gritted teeth.

Dash huffed, shoving his hands into his pockets and staring at the ground.

"Look, I get it, I was a jerk, but it's over! I'm actually trying to be nice, now you're the one being an asshole."

Danny looked as though he'd been slapped.

"You're such a fucking idiot Dash." Said Danny, his voice trembling with barely restrained rage. "You can't just treat someone like shit every single day for two years and then expect them to get over it because you invited them to a few parties."

"Then how come Kwan gets to hang out with you?" Dash could feel his face heating up. "You're just gonna let him off the hook? That's not fair!"

"HE APOLOGISED!"

In one thunderous moment, every locker in the hallway slammed open, sending papers and books flying across the floor. The few students still packing up their things got the fuck out of dodge, whether this was a ghost thing or a Fenton thing (was there even a difference at this point?) they wanted no part of it.

Dash couldn't move, his feet felt heavy, he wasn't entirely sure if Danny had done something to him with his ghost powers, or if he was just afraid.

Because he was certainly afraid.

Even after everyone found out, Danny still didn't use his powers at school unless it was a ghost emergency. He didn't use them for pranks, didn't use them to get even, didn't even use them to show off.

But he was sure as hell using them now, and Dash suddenly realised why he was always holding himself back.

He was terrifying.

Danny took a few steps forward, stopping barely an arm's length away from where Dash was rooted to the spot, trembling.

"Kwan apologised to me." He said, quietly this time. "He apologised to my friends, he even apologised to some other kids, and when I told him that I wasn't ready to forgive him, he accepted that and left me alone until I was ready to talk to him again."

Dash wanted to speak, but he couldn't seem to make his brain form the words he needed, it was too busy buzzing with danger run danger get out run run RUN.

"You made every single day of my life miserable for two whole fucking years, and that isn't even counting the bullshit you pulled in middle school. How do you feel right now Dash? Does it scare you to be around me? Does it scare you to be at the mercy of someone that you know damn well can hurt you?" Danny leant in, grabbing a fistful of letterman jacket. "I hope it does, because now maybe you'll have an idea what it was like for me going to school every fucking day knowing that you would be there, ready and waiting to hurt me. Every single FUCKING day."

Dash found himself being thrown backwards, his feet finally able to move again as he caught himself.

"I'm s-sor-sorry." he mumbled, his lips felt numb and tingly and his head swam with panic as he struggled to get the words out. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Are you?" Danny's voice cracked, his face wasn't twisted in rage anymore, his eyes were blue once again, and shining with tears. "Are you really sorry for hurting me? Or are you just sorry that the guy you were beating the shit out of turned out to be Phantom?"

"I didn't... I didn't know." Dash gasped out, he could barely hear his own words, all he could hear was his own heart beating loudly in his ears as he struggled to draw in breath. "I didn't know it was like that, I just thought-"

Thought what? What had he thought? That he wasn't really hurting anyone? That it wasn't that big a deal?

No, he hadn't thought that, because he hadn't thought at all.

"And you're gonna stand here and tell me I'm an asshole." Danny was almost sobbing as he raggedly spat out each word. "Because I won't forgive you for something you never even apologised for. This is the first time you even acknowledged that you were an absolute jerk to me, and you followed it up by demanding that I just get over it."

Dash stared down at the floor, it sounded terrible when Danny put it like that.

"I wasn't... demanding anything." he said, he was embarrassed by how whiny he sounded. "I was just trying to make it up to you, I was trying, I just thought... it's not fair that I can't have second chance. I was trying so hard and all I wanted was a second chance-"

"I DON'T CARE." Danny's eyes were screwed up tight, but it didn't stop the tears of fury from pouring down his cheeks, his voice so shredded with pain it was barely recognisable. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU. I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT. I DON'T OWE YOU A SECOND CHANCE. I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING. YOU FUCKED ME UP AND YOU. CAN'T. FIX IT."

Dash didn't know what to do. Danny was openly sobbing, his breaths came out in grunts as he couldn't hold the rage and misery back.

He was still standing within arm's reach, Dash cautiously put out a hand, to comfort him? He wasn't sure, but he barely brushed Danny's shoulder before Dash found himself spinning violently and his cheekbone exploded with sudden pain as he hit the floor. Cold hands drew away from him roughly.

"DON'T TOUCH ME." Danny screamed. "DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

Dash watched as Danny grabbed his backpack and his footsteps disappeared down the hall.

It was over, just like that it was over.

Dash sat up and touched his face, he wasn't bleeding but he knew it would bruise pretty bad. It hurt, he would be squinting through one eye for a few days.

Danny could have done this to him at any time, he could have done it to him every day if he wanted, and maybe he would, now that he'd done it once.

The thought made Dash feel cold as dread pooled in his stomach.

The next day Dash told people he'd gotten his black eye from playing football, his team knew it wasn't true, but they didn't ask. He kept his eye out for Danny, wondering if he would pop up invisibly and knock him off his feet, or drag him through the floor, or hit him when nobody was looking.

He clung to Kwan's side all day, afraid to be alone.

Phantom could be anywhere, he could get him anywhere, if he wanted to hurt Dash nobody would be able to stop him.

Nobody had been able to stop Dash, and he didn't even have superpowers.

But in the end, nothing happened.

Dash went through the day untouched. Danny didn't even look his way. Not once. He just acted like yesterday never happened.

But it did happen, Dash still had the bruise on his cheek, and the terror set deep in his bones.

In the following days, weeks, months, Danny still never touched him, never looked at him, never talked to him. Dash realised that Danny probably wasn't going to do anything else after all, that maybe he hadn't even meant to hurt him in the first place.

He was a hero after all, he protected people, even people he didn't like. The only time he had ever come into contact with Dash again was to haul him out of the way of a ghost, and he did so with the same care as he would with anyone else.

Danny wasn't like him, he didn't gloat about hurting him, he didn't revel in the fact that Dash was scared of him. He just went about his day, acting for all the world like Dash didn't even exist.

Dash never gave him a true apology, it was clear Danny didn't want one, it was far too late for that.

It left Dash with a sick feeling of unfulfillment. He understood now what Danny had been going through, the pain, the terror, he wanted Danny to know that he was truly sorry, that he really had changed this time.

But he couldn't, because forcing an unwanted apology on him would just make Dash the asshole all over again, he was trying to steal a forgiveness that he could never have.

So he had to find his closure somewhere else.

He stopped picking on Mikey, and Nathan, and all of the other nerds he frequently hassled. He even tried apologising to them, some forgave him, others didn't, and he had to be okay with that. He struggled not to lash out, it still felt unfair, the world had always told him that you were supposed to forgive people when they apologised. It always happened that way on tv, in the cartoons he grew up watching. The mean kid would apologise, the other kids would forgive him, and they would all become friends.

He was realising that the real world was a whole lot more complicated than that, he didn't earn forgiveness just because apologising was hard, he was learning fast that he didn't earn any brownie points for taking responsibility for his actions. He was just doing what any decent person should.

It took him a while to come to terms with that, to stop being angry at people for not letting him make it up to them. For not letting him prove that he had changed.

All it took was to occasionally pass by Danny in the hallways for him to cool his jets and think more clearly. To remind him that he was the bad guy, he was the one who hurt people, that his victims did not owe him anything.

In his last year of school, he had found himself watching the juniors below him falling into the same behaviours, the same struggle for power and control. Pushing other kids around without so much as sparing a thought to how it made them feel.

After a lengthy chat with Mr Lancer, Dash was given permission to pull out younger students from detention one day a week. He would talk to them, ask about their lives, ask about their feelings. He would ask why they lashed out, why they thought it was okay to treat people that way. Most of them didn't have an answer, or simply refused to give one, but he would push, he wouldn't let them hide in ignorance like he did.

Some of them did feel guilt for the way they treated people, and they only needed someone they could talk to who could understand what they were going through, so they wouldn't take it out on whoever was around at the time.

Others would take more effort, they need a far stronger push in the right direction, they were defensive and combative, selfish and unapologetic.

Dash had been one of those kids, he knew they would be hard work, but he did his best. He couldn't help all of them, some were simply unwilling to change.

So he contacted the school-board, he pushed for better protection for students, more programs to help troubled kids, he volunteered to keep running his own counselling groups even after he graduated.

It still never felt like enough.

After graduation he turned down his favoured college to attend one closer to home so he could continue his volunteer work. He joined petitions and rallies for change across entire school districts, he spoke at other schools' anti-bullying campaigns. He'd attended enough of them in his own childhood that he knew they did next to nothing, but it gave him the opportunity to reach out to kids for one on one support.

He found more volunteers for his counselling groups, he helped people start them up in other local schools. It was a lot of work, especially when he was also juggling his college studies. He was taking a major in psychology, it was brutal, Dash had never been good at studying, but he'd decided that this was what he needed to do, this was important to him.

It still wasn't enough.

It would come at him in the night, as soon as he laid his head down on his pillow. He would see the faces of all the kids he hurt, it felt so much worse the older he got, they just looked younger and younger every time the memories came back to plague him.

He had beat the shit out of children. Kids who were the same age as the students he now counselled. He beat them until they were bloody or bruised, he shoved them into lockers, pulled pranks that humiliated them in front of the whole school, and he had laughed.

He'd laughed at their pain.

When the guilt weighed him down, he would begin searching for new programs to volunteer for, new petitions or rallies to get behind, always finding another way to help protect kids like Danny from kids like him.

And to protect kids like him from doing things that would one day haunt them.

He had spread himself thin across every school in the district, barely keeping afloat at college, but it wasn't enough.

It was never enough.

Kids still slipped through the cracks, schools were still too lenient, there were too many kids, not enough volunteers.

Casper High was holding another anti-bullying assembly. It had been a few years since Dash had attended one at his old school. This year they had excitedly announced that they'd even secured an appearance from Phantom himself.

Dash's blood ran cold, his hands shook as he went over his notes, he was slated to do his speech alongside Phantom's, they would be sharing the stage for a solid 75 minutes, barely a few feet from one another.

When Danny showed up he was already in Phantom form, Dash spotted him discussing emergency exit plans with one of the organisers in the event of a ghost attack.

He was so different from when they were in school.

He was tall, and broad, he stood with confidence and had a good natured charm to him. He was a hero, he was strong, he was brave. He could fight monsters ten times his size with a smirk and a witty one liner. He could take on anything, he wasn't afraid of anything.

He was a kid, running down a hallway, screaming words that still pierced through Dash's mind every time he saw the hero's face.

"DON'T TOUCH ME."

Dash's hands clenched around his notes, shaking so violently that they barely even looked like words.

"DON'T YOU EVER FUCKING TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN."

"Dash?"

A deep voice cut through the chaos in Dash's mind as cold hands closed over his tremblings ones.

"It's good to see you again."

Phantom was smiling at him, his hands still closed around Dash's.

"Good... good to see you too." Dash mumbled, not able to meet the man's eyes.

Phantom paused before releasing Dash's hands.

"I've heard all about your work." Phantom grinned as Dash finally looked up and met his eyes.

"Yeah." he said, and then before his mind could catch up with his mouth, he blurted out, "I'm sorry, for everything."

Phantom's eyebrows rose for a moment, before he gave a gentle smile and clapped a hand on Dash's shoulder.

"I know." he said warmly. "Thank you."

They gave their speeches, Dash had told his story many times before, the victim that he'd pushed to breaking point, the boy whose words drove the change that made him the man he had become.

For the first time ever, that boy was listening.

After the assembly had packed up and the volunteers were heading home, it was Danny Fenton who approached Dash and asked if he wanted to go grab a beer together.

Dash thought it would be rather awkward, but Danny had plenty of experience socialising with the public, awkwardness slid right off him, and soon enough Dash found himself laughing alongside Danny as he told a story about the new misadventures of the Box Ghost.

He returned to his dorm that night, head still swimming from one too many beers, and he had the best sleep of his life.

He pulled back on some of his volunteer work, hunting for new people to take his place as he focused on college. He was falling far behind, but he would work hard to make his way back. As a volunteer he could only do so much, but with the right education and training, he could do so much more.

The guilt still haunted him, every so often when the pressure and the stress weighed heavy, it would creep back into his mind. It would probably never go away, not entirely, but at least now he had his closure.

Finally, it was enough.

[babyboibucky]

Salt, Sugar and Viruses

Pairing: Office!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You’ve been secretly making coffee for Bucky at the office.

Word Count: 1,962

Warnings: Two idiots just doing idiot things

A/N: This was done in a haste so I kinda hate it lol but I can’t get this story out of my head and thanks to @bitchassbucky for pushing me to write a full fic of this 🥰 luv u 🥺

MAIN MASTERLIST

"You have a crush on Barnes' grumpy ass?!" Sam choked out.

You angrily hushed him and frantically looked around the pantry to make sure that your secret was still safe. Fortunately, only you, Sam and Nat were inside having your respective afternoon breaks.

"What? He's nice. And cute." you told Sam as you stirred your coffee, smiling to yourself at the thought of your office crush, Bucky.

"How'd you even meet him, he works all the way at the IT department." Sam asked.

Nat snorted recalling the encounters she witnessed for the past few months. Some of which were unintentional but most of them? You had carefully planned out just so you could come up with an excuse to request for Bucky's assistance.

"She might have gotten viruses in her computer once...or twice. Or thrice." Nat teased.

The first time you met Bucky was when most of your files suddenly got corrupted. It was hella embarrassing because you didn't know shit about how computers worked and well, you've been illegally downloading torrents since the office's internet connection was a gift from the internet gods. Without a doubt, your computer was a nest for viruses.

Bucky showed up in your floor that morning and you almost sunk into your seat from shame. You'd heard the IT Department complain about everybody else in the office messing up their computer systems. When you turned around, Bucky greeted you with a charming smile and soft hello. You could still remember how he felt when he stayed behind you as you sat on your chair, bending over to take your mouse in his hand.

God, he smelled so good you almost turned your head to nuzzle your face into his neck.

He was very soft-spoken you realized; Bucky was kind enough to walk you through the process and to be honest, you couldn't recall a damn thing he said. Something about firewalls? And shields? Whatever, you didn't really listen. You just stared at Bucky as he explained everything, solving your problem in less than fifteen minutes.

Since then, your crush for Bucky grew bigger. You'd entered the elevator together a couple of times, shared small conversations that made your heart flutter. When those little moments didn't seem enough, you started your devious plan to fuck up your computer a bit. By the third time Bucky fixed your computer, he was already comfortable enough to tease you for being a "virus magnet".

"Hello? Young lady, come back to earth." Sam snapped his finger right in front of your face, interrupting your thoughts.

You clicked your tongue at him and swatted his hand away. "If you ever tell this to anyone, Wilson. You are dead." you warned, poinitng a finger at him.

Sam rolled his eyes, "It's so unfair how he's kind to you. Last time I requested for his assistance he got all smug and grumpy at me." he complained.

Nat shook her head in amusment, "That's because you've been downloading porn. You know the IT department can access our browser histories, right?"

You choked on your coffe, "WHAT?!"

Nat narrowed her eyes at you, "You been up to no good for you to react like that?"

You faceplamed, "I've been stalking his Facebook account."

Sam chortled, "What are you, in high school? Jesus, calm down. You're gonna be fine. Why don't you just tell him you like him?"

You made a face, "I'm not Nat to have the guts to do that."

Nat hummed, bringing her mug to the sink to wash it. "Why don't you start by making him coffee?"

"I don't know how he likes his coffee."

You received a pointed look from both your friends. You groaned in defeat, "Okay, fine. I know how Bucky likes his coffee."

Nat smirked, "Stalker."

-

Bucky always arrived in the office half an hour before nine in the morning. This gives him time to settle into his cubicle, buy a sandwich at the stall downstairs and to make himself a cup of coffee. It was his daily routine and upon going back to his desk after buying his breakfast sandwich, Bucky was surprised to see a cup of newly brewed coffee on his desk.

He looked around but there were no signs of anyone. There wasn't even a note of some sort. Carefully, he brought the cup to his face and inhaled its scent. Shrugging, he took a tiny sip.

-

"How's the little secret admirer doing?" Nat asked, grabbing a chair and sitting down beside you.

You deadpanned, "I've been leaving him his coffee for an entire week now and nothing's happened yet."

Nat frowned, "Are you kidding me? Why would you expect for something to happen when you haven't been leaving any clues?" she said.

"I'm shy, okay?! Maybe I should hide somewhere, check for his reaction. See whether I have a chance." you shrugged.

It was stupid of you to leave the coffee on Bucky's desk. You never stayed to wait for him. You just left it there without a note or anything that would even give him a clue about you and your little crush on him. You knew the reason why, of course. You were afraid of rejection. Sometimes, you'd feel like you have a chance with him since he was always so kind and warm to you. Not to mention, everyone in the office knows him to be grumpy but around you, he was totally the opposite of that.

But then again, maybe he was just nice to you because you were nice to him too.

-

One morning after leaving Bucky his coffee, you finally decided to leave him a note. You ran back to your cubicle to get a post-it and a pen. Before you could even walk around your desk, you spotted Bucky headed over to the pantry, the cup of coffee in his hand.

"Fuck, okay. Maybe I should just directly ask him out?" you thought to yourself.

You quickly followed Bucky into the pantry and almost whined when you saw that Sam was inside as well. You widened your eyes at him, signalling for him to leave but Sam was preoccupied on observing Bucky who seemed to be in a bad mood.

"Rough morning?" Sam just had to ask as you awkwardly stood by the doorway, finding the right timing to butt in.

Bucky's forehead creased as he let out a huff, "Rough weeks, actually." he answered.

You opened your mouth to say something comforting, wanting to lift Bucky's spirits up but he turned around and glanced at you and then back to Sam.

"Does anyone hate me in this office?" Bucky asked.

You and Sam exchanged looks, both of utter confusion before shaking your heads in unison. "Why'd you ask?" Sam asked.

Bucky lifted the cup of coffee that you made, "Someone's been making me coffee." he stated.

You cleared your throat, "...is it bad?" you asked.

Bucky made a face, "Terrible actually."

Ouch.

"I mean, the first time I saw it I was actually flattered. And then I took a sip and it's just...salty." Bucky said, pouring the coffee into the sink before throwing it into the bin.

Sam's head snapped towards your direction, his face almost red from biting back a laugh. Your face heated up at the realization that you've been putting salt into Bucky's coffee instead of sugar. All this time. You wanted to disappear right then and there. And Sam had to be the one to witness your huge failure.

"I thought it was a mistake since the next day, there was another coffee on my desk. I tried it out and it's still salty. It lasted a week, you guys. And I was dumb enough to keep on tasting it in hopes that it might have been a genuine mistake. But now I'm starting to think that someone hates me that much to fuck my coffee up." Bucky explained, face scrunched up into a mixture of irritation and curiosity.

Sam failed to stifle his laughter and exploded, "Funniest shit I've ever heard." he told Bucky before standing up and making his way to the door where you stood.

Your face was red and if the salt and sugar mishap was already humiliating enough, Sam decided to make things even worse for you.

"You really need to check the labels before pouring shit into his coffee." and with that, Sam gave your shoulder a squeeze before leaving the pantry.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. When you opened them, Bucky was staring at you with an expression you couldn't paint.

"Did you...were you the one leaving me coffee?" he asked.

You secretly pinched yourself in the arm to check whether you were just dreaming. Fuck, you hoped you were having a nightmare but the pain that you felt made it clear that you totally fucked up.

You nodded in embarrassment.

"You hate me that much?" Bucky asked in disbelief, as if he was offended that out of all people, it had to be you.

You quickly shook your head, "No, God no! I just...it's because I..." you stammered, trying to find the courage to spit out the words you've been dying to tell Bucky.

Bucky tilted his head, "Because you...?" he urged.

Your hands balled into fists as you let out another deep breath. Bucky probably hates you right now, but whatever. This was your only chance and to hell, you were going to confess.

"Because I like you?"

You didn't think that Bucky's confused look could even turn more...well, confused. But he was looking at you incredulously as though you've grown a second head, or a third head.

"You like me so you decided to put salt in my coffee?" he asked again.

You honestly didn't know who sounded even more stupid now, you or Bucky. Because if he still didn't understand what was going on, he was dense as fuck.

"No!" you explained. "I wanted to make you a decent cup of coffee but I guess I was too careless and didn't realize that I've been putting in salt instead of sugar." you said.

Bucky didn't say anything after that. He just stared at you, but he didn't seem confused anymore. If any, he looked like he was processing the entire situation.

"You like me." he stated again.

Will your embarrassment ever end?!

"Yes, Bucky. And I messed up my chance and you know what? I'm just going to show myself out and leave you alone." you told him and forced a fake grin before attempting to walk out.

A hand gripped your wrist, pulling you back into the pantry. This time, Bucky was the one who looked embarrassed.

"I might have...done something pretty stupid too." he said, avoiding your gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck.

You eyed him suspiciously, "What do you mean?"

"I uhh...I did something to your computer...the day before you requested for my assistance for the first time." Bucky admitted shyly.

It was your turn to get muddled at Bucky's confession. "But why?" you asked.

Bucky offered a shy smile, "Because I've been seeing you around the building and thought you were cute."

And then everything clicked. It was a light bulb moment for the both of you.

"Oh. Ohhh okay. I see." you said before suddenly breaking into laughter.

Bucky joined you and scratched his head, "I guess we're both idiots." he said, placing his hands inside his pockets as he stared at you.

"This went...way more interesting than I thought." you said with a nod.

There was a pause before you decided to speak up, "So, do you want coffee?"

Bucky beamed at you as he nodded, "As long as you'll use sugar this time."

-

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[percygranate]

Update: 1 Moth after surgery

Lu had his surgery on September 10th. Today is October 11th.

Yesterday we took him to the animal hospital as he couldn't move, all four of his legs were like butter sliding away underneath him.

The day before we noticed that he was a little off his walking game but thought it was due to the weather. He also cried all night and I wondered if it were just like last week when he cried all night cause the weather got colder, as he always was a bit dramatic.

At the animal hospital the doctor and orthopedist checked him, drew blood, revisited the x-rays.

We already knew that Lu was starting to develop back problems due to being born with a natural misalignment of spine and his which made these two knee injuries happen in the first place, but now the case is that he relied too much on his back to carry himself and ruined his back.

Massive herniated disc right in the center of his back by the rips.

The doctor said we can't operate and have his legs heal fast enough to fix his back and he will rely on heavy-duty pain meds (morphine) to even exist and that will in the long term kill him.

His kidneys and liver are still okay although his kidneys are starting to get bad now.

The two knee surgeries would take us 1 year to heal, then he would need back surgery, and that would take ages to heal—Doctor was honest and called it a bottomless pit that will just cost us insane amounts of money and Lu will only be in pain without any life quality.

There is nothing we can do.

We started crying and the doctor gave Lu a chance to recover saying, “I would've suggested putting him down today, but he is so sweet and I feel so bad for him. I am so sorry,” and gave him two massive shots of drugs and gave us extra pain meds (making it 6.5 to 9 pills a day for Lu to take) and told us if he doesn't recover by Saturday we should “please just let him go.”

The shots were meant to help with all his pain within an hour. When we arrived an hour later at home, Lu managed to walk the tiniest bit by being mostly carried by my boyfriend. Then he lay down on his blankets, with our help, and that's where he stayed put.

He managed to sleep and in his dreams seems to be running like crazy, something he had been doing all night. He must be dreaming of running through fields.

Every time he woke up in between dream, or I woke him up as I don't like him barking and seemingly having bad dreams as he gets upset, he just looked in so much pain. So those two big shots that are heavy-duty aren't even helping much anymore.

My boyfriend and I talked a long while about what to do. We cried. We lay on the floor with Lu like we would do sometimes out of a whim or when he was sick or hurt.

We know we gotta let him go and its not fair.

I don't want to, but I don't wanna be selfish when he is in so much pain. I don't wanna force him to just lie there and exist just so I don't have to let him go.

We called the doctor again to set the appointment for today. There is no use of waiting another day. Unless a miracle happens that heals both his knees and back? This is it.

We arranged for Lu to be cremated as he is me fur baby and I have trauma from how easily pets were discarded when I was a kid. I wanna have him placed somewhere nice.

The creating will cost us up to 1k depending on all the extras we want, but its just half the price of his knee surgery, and funerals are expensive, right? Because that's what it is, a funeral. Im preparing.

On the way home Lu had his head on my lap and he kept looking at me like, “whats up? Why are you crying, mom?” and I tried to talk to him and not look upset so he wouldn't feel bad, but it just hurts. It hurts so bad.

When I went to bed Lu started crying cause he usually sleeps in my bedroom with me—when he was healthy he always slept in bed with me, but he lost his ability to jump three months ago when his knee problems started.

He forced himself up and ran after me to the bedroom and for a moment I was like, “Hey! We can turn this around!” but then I saw he walk, his legs numb and unable to really carry him. Then he fell, whimpered, and peed himself in pain.

He just looked so miserable, even an hour later. Just so so miserable.

He didn't move from that spot all night, peed himself some more times as he doesn't seem to really feel it.

Today when I woke up I didn't feel the pain of the loss for a moment. Everything was okay. Then I looked over my bed to check on him just to see he hadn't moved, just laid there flat and miserable.

I went to pet him and he looks partially apathetic and his nose is just so cold.

It all just adds to me knowing I cant do shit. I have tried grasping straws and making excuses of how Luhe will miraculously get better and maybe I can fix it, but I can't. I can't fix this.

I lay on the floor so often the last few hours and apologized. I am so sorry I can’t help Lu.

I kept hoping the bills would end at some point, but not like that. I just wanted him to get better. I thought I did well and cared well for him.

We tried to give him his meds today, as always wrapped in his favorite cold cuts. He usually loves that part of the day cause he loves the cold cuts like crazy—He didn't take them. Later we tried again and he ate one, but he is just too week to eat the rest.

Today at 3 PM is the appointment.

Hey, so I usually don't ever ask people for money, but I am kind of at the end of my abilities and cried too much today to care about it anymore:

My dog, who I rescued in Croatia in 2017 after he was found eating dirt in the forrest, Lu, is turning 8 years old next mont. He is the sweetest and softest fur baby, and look like an ice bear. He never ever has been in a fight with another animal and thinks everyone, no matter the species, is his best friend.

He is also my best friend, and I initially adopted him after starting therapy after moving out of home for Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia, and C-PTSD, which had me not leave the house for years. He is my best friend in fur and helped me to get back out into the world again after it had been nothing but awful to me.

I fixed myself, fixing Lu, when nobody wanted him and nobody wanted me.

For two months now he has been dealing with severe hip and back issues. It started abruptly, with him no longer wanting to play and be on long walk, suddenly struggling to get up, and as something our vet called “just a little muscle inflammation” and a one-week medication treatment that cost us 150€.

Lu felt better for 1 1/2 weeks and even started playing a little again before the pain came back. This time, we paid 100€ for a milder medication as the vet did wanna put him again on those string monster pills he was on before as it would’ve damaged his system. I gave him those pills every day (he, by now, is such good boy at taking them) and he did again better for a 1/2 week without daily medication.

Again, he couldn't get up, started crying at night, is no longer is able to sleep in my bed, no longer lay on his back, and he only lays on the floor, trying not to get up and walk around as he is in pain, he no longer plays… So we went to the vet again.

This time, we paid 80€ for a few of the strong medications he got in the first place. Diagnosis: “Old boy. Arthritis. Inflamed hip.” We were meant to give him two of those pills on days he is struggling more than the by now basic.

Two days ago, I was on a walk with Lu, just leaving my apartment complex, when he collapsed for the first time and fell down in the middle of a crosswalk. There was no chance of him getting up. Car drivers hated us, and I bagged for minutes that he would try getting up.

After I nearly started crying, he finally forced himself up, walked a few meters, and fell again. It was like his hips just couldn't carry him anymore. Watching him to try forcing himself up but struggling so badly is something that kills me every time I see it, but I am used to it by now, sadly.

He finally got up after 30 minutes and we walked home. I gave him his pills and after a nap we ran around pretty well, even the next day he was doing so much better. I should've not thought this was over.

Today my boyfriend took him on a walk. The same thing happened, but this time Lu screamed out in pain first. This time there was no getting up. Even after my boyfriend called me and I ran over in my pajamas as Lu is known to be a mama’s boy.

We called our vet, who told us we needed to go to the animal hospital. The animal hospital told us they would charge us roughly 2500€ for an X-ray and have Lu there overnight and treated.

The secretary from the animal hospital told us we were not allowed to pay it back at monthly rates when we asked.

We asked why it was so expensive; she replied, “We are the only ones doing this in the city, so we can choose our prices as we see fit.”

We asked how other people could afford that, crying in the middle of the street as our dog still lay there, unable to walk or even get up, and she told us, “Everyone can afford that.”

When my boyfriend told her he needed to talk to me about it, she replied, “Yeah, sure. Just call us if you actually need and want our help.”

I am disabled, suffering from Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos Sympton, am in the middle of getting a POTS diagnosis, and have Autism and ADHD. I am physically due to the chronic pain not able to work. I don't have that kind of money to just whip out like it is nothing.

For my boyfriend, this kind of money is more than his monthly loan.

There is no worse feeling than when your pet is in pain and needs to be medically treated, but you can't get them the help they need because YOU do not earn enough.

We cried and tried to get up Lu for an hour before calling my mother, who I am low contact with as she emotionally abused my for decates and is part of the reason I have C-PTSD. She drove us the a Animal Hospital outside the city, as they were the last suggestion our vet could give us and the told us they would charge less for the same kind of help and work.

There, we were prepared to pay the 300€ to have Lu no matter how, even if we needed to/manage to have my mother borrow it to us.

The vet was amazing, seeing the problem the moment Lu finally stood up and walked for the first time.

His hips are fucked, probably the back too, and he has Arthritis. But right now, they can't do any of the X-rays because first his fever and inflammation need to go down.

Today we paid 100€, Lu got a big shot, and for the first big pain and fever, starting tomorrow, he will regularly take two of those initially given strong pills once a day so he hopefully can have the x-rays next week.

My dog was mentally a puppy jumping around like a little deer until this started. He always wanted to play, always ran around and did something. This took all the joy in life for him.

I’m asking for help to pay for the X-ray and whatever treatment will follow for Lu after.

https://www.paypal.me/percygranate

UPDATE:

Today we had the X-Ray appointment and paid 352€

Hips and back are okay.

BOTH OF LU’S KNEES ARE FUCKED.

Cruciate Ligament Rupture & the knee joints are fucked.

The operation will be a two timer and cost us 4000€

I am currently not able to tell you how I am going to pay this. I barely managed to pay the X-rays today.

I amcurrently not even in possession of a life insurance that could help my dog if I kick it. /ifywim

Again:

I am BEGGING, if you have even a euro or dollar or whatever to spare, please help me.

https://www.paypal.me/percygranate

(paypal also uses my deadname, so please ignore that)

[mostlybarnes]

It’s My Party, You’re Not Invited [Part Three]

Summary: Bucky did what he had to do, and you’re growing tired of his games.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Angst, drunk!reader (mentioned), smidgen of jealous!bucky, language.

Words: 1,021

Author’s Notes: Well, this starts off with Bucky’s sides of things. We finally learn what the party was really about. I found it a little challenging to interpret his reasoning because as I mentioned in an ask, what he did was kinda inexcusable so I hope it flows well and get ready for some drama and action in part four on Wednesday!

Stand by, I’ll attempt a reblog with more tags!

Bucky had no idea what to do as he stared at the hole in the wall. He thought he could keep this whole situation under control, he was informed you would be on a mission, away from the compound and safe. He wasn’t expecting you to be relaxing in your room on the night of the undercover party. Inviting you would have been impossible because of the risks involved, and for their plans to work they had to invite an enemy from your past and Bucky wasn’t prepared to put you through hell since it took you a very long time to get away from him.

One of your ex boyfriends showed up as planned, shield had kept a close tab on him since he got on their radar for selling dangerous weapons on behalf of Hydra. Tony had made sure he received an invitation to the undercover party where Nat would take over to interrogate him over a couple of drinks. It worked, as the idiot gave her one of the key locations that they could now infiltrate on an upcoming mission.

Your ex boyfriend’s connection to Hydra made Bucky act like your protector. He thought he was doing what was best for you, but he ended up hurting you and he hated lying. He couldn’t help but feel the jealousy and frustration surge through his veins at the thought of you dancing with other guys in a bar somewhere and having a good time. Bucky just stood there, staring into the hole for hours and thinking of the best solution to fix this with his arms folded. He’s made mistakes in the past but this might be one of his biggest ones yet.

But if something was to happen to you tonight, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. The sound of the elevator on the other side of the hallway pulled him from his deep thoughts, but it was the sound of heels clicking against the tiled floor and someone staggering that made him turn in the direction. There you were, holding onto the walls for support as you staggered down the hallway with mascara stains down your cheeks. Bucky panicked, his immediate thought was something bad had happened and he rushed towards you with his hand out. You slapped it away and scoffed.

“Don’ pretend like y’ care now Barnes.” You slurred and staggered around him. Your ankle twisted and you yelped out in pain. You wait for the pending impact of the hard floor but it doesn’t come and instead a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around your waist to hold you steady.

“Just let me help you!” He growled and took you to your room to sit you down on the edge of the bed. “Are you okay?”

You’ve learned to hate that question, and you’re not sure if it’s because it was him asking it or just because you didn’t really know if you were okay or not. Sometimes you felt you had every right to wonder why you were excluded and other times you felt like you were being dramatic.

“S’pose, just tired.” You yawned, laying on the bed and curling up into a ball.

“Get some sleep.” Bucky watched on as you closed your eyes, he waited for your breathing to even out before he kissed your forehead and retreated back to his own room.

The next morning, you felt awful. Your head was aching so bad that it felt like someone had ran over you with their truck. You felt nauseous and not ready to face the day. You drank too much last night at the party, but you wanted to have a good time and forget about everything that had happened. And for many hours, that seemed to work in your favor.

But now you were back to reality, and you were about to face another day of humiliation and walk around with no clear answers as to why Bucky Barnes didn’t invite you to his party. You didn’t know if you could face it, but you had to because you’re not the kind of person to hide away from their problems.

You took your time getting out to bed, not wanting to make your nausea worse by moving too quickly. You grabbed some clean clothes and took a long hot shower, the tension in your muscles were relaxed and for the first time this morning, you sighed. You stayed under the water until your fingers had wrinkled up and grabbed a warm towel to wrap around yourself. It was going to be a long day, you didn’t see much point in rushing yourself.

Your main mission today was to avoid Bucky at all costs and when the afternoon came without running into him, you thought the rest of your day would be the same. You should have known better, you should have known he wouldn’t let you go one day without him making himself known to you.

“I thought you’d be relaxing.” He chuckled, taking a seat opposite you.

You folded your arms over your chest and stared past his shoulder.

“I was,” you emphasized. “Until you showed up.”

“Don’t fight me all the time, Y/N. I did what I had to do to protect you.”

“Protect me? Protect me from what?”

“It’s complicated.” You groaned at his response, and threw your hands in the air.

“I can’t keep doing this.” You sighed, standing up. Bucky blocked your path and you didn’t miss the opportunity to glare at him. The audacity of this man!

“Doing what?” He must be playing dumb, right?

“This! You keep giving me answers to the questions I’m not even asking! Just answer the one question: just tell me why you didn’t invite me!”

“I don’t know why it means so much to you, it was just a fuckin’ party!” He yelled so loud that you flinched. “He’s back, Y/N. He’s working with hydra and he was here the other night… looking for you. I did what I had to do.”

You frowned, “who is back?” Maybe now you’re playing dumb.

“Him.”

Taglist [50/50]: @w-wolfhxrd @kennedywxlsh @team-marvel13 @rosiahills22 @fallenoutofrose @sourpatchspinster @hazeljean2 @divergent-llamas-03 @gearhead66 @loudbluepancake @pinkybee926 @furiouscopshepherduniversity @moonlacebeam @chipster-21 @rottenstyx @mundaytuesday @legacies-roserussell @gallifreyansass @supernaturalcat7 @osterfieldshollandgirl @daeguboysmykt @serendipityharry @shittyfuckinweeb @wanniiieeee @hopplessdreamer @wordacadabra @josis-teacup @barneschoco @the-nonsenseblog @angywritesstuff @cherrytop02 @spn-obession @dottirose @veroxloki @wildeausten @directorofmylife @unholyhazza @bababasti @mrslilyrogers-ficrecs @study-aesthetics01 @sophieisinlove @merlin-288 @cable-kenobi @beananacake @johnmurphys-sass @slytherdoravenger @thesnoweclipse @townwitchbadbitch @sxtansqueen @i-ship-it-ironically

[miss-kittyy]

Rewriting Briarlight and Longtail’s Deaths

So I am disabled, like very disabled, I am %50 of the teenagers ever diagnosed with my special combination of pain disorders, and I also unfortunately hyper fixated on warrior cats, which is bad news for me because warrior cats is super ableist, and to add insult to injury, the fandom can also be pretty ableist.

My biggest problem with the majority of “anti-ableist” AUs is that they “fix” the ableism stemming from the narrative and able bodied characters by making the disabled character less disabled, this so bad for many reasons. I’ve talked more about in other posts. The justification that real life disabled cats are less doesn’t make it not ableist, since when was warrior cats meant to be realistic? If you’re making an au where the disabled cats function like actual disabled cats you also have to make all the cats genetically accurate, and retcon Lionblaze lifting a tree.

My problem with warrior cats is not that the disabled characters cannot become full conventional warriors, I’d like it if they got to choose what duties the perform instead of being crammed into the medicine den, but I don’t care about Cinderpelt not being able to complete a marathon. Most of the fandom seems to think the issue is that the disabled character are not useful enough, instead of the way that able bodied characters deny of them agency and make remarks like “you wouldn’t want to return to a life like her’s would you?”. Disabled people do not need to be “useful” to be worthy and empowering.

It’s very obvious that most of the fandom just wants the disabled cats to be more palatable to abled bodied people, so I’ve decided to make my own rewrite instead to hopefully make myself feel better. A lot of these things are inspired by my own experiences and not every disabled person is looking for the same things in representation, this is totally self indulgent.

The goal of this AU is to highlight the many unique and valuable aspects disability and how being disabled does not infringe upon anyone’s worth, ever.

- Longtail doesn’t die in the storm, Briarpaw is still injured, but he’s found besides her, trying his best to help her cling to life.

- after Briarpaw begins to recover he stands up to Millie and other cats insulting her quality of life, he says her journey will be hard, but it is one worth taking.

- She asks him why he’s an elder, and he decides to request to have his warrior ship restored as Briarpaw is dreading the life of an elder.

- On his first patrol the cats accompanying him insist on speaking to him in an incredibly infantilism tone, and whispering amongst themselves over what he can or can’t do, without consulting him,

- He initially gives up on patrolling after that insufferable experience.

- Briarlight begins to create marks and blobs on the wall of the medicine den using crushed up dead herbs she asks him to retrieve some berries for her, and he complies.

- Jayfeather shows him how he navigates the territory with the help of some of the sighted cats, and Mousefur is quick to volunteer as his guide. He finds her company surprisingly empowering. He realizes that it was not his blindness which was limiting his abilities, but the other cats attitudes.

- Mousefur and Longtail return with mouthful of berries and herbs, Briarlight describes to him what she’s drawing on the side of the den and he helps he mound the materials into paint.

- The cats begin to pop into the medicine den to see Briarlights painting and soon Jayfeather has to kick her out occasionally so they’d stop crowding him, she’s given the walls of camp to decorate instead.

- She begins to illustrate Longtails stories of the old territory and Bloodclan, and this new form of storytelling becomes a tradition amongst Thunderclan.

- because more young cats are aware of the clans history it becomes harder for the dark forest to recruit them, unfortunately, Blossomfall’s resentment towards her sister means she never cared to listen.

- Ivypool is still recruited and trained like in canon, given her relationship with the dark forest was much more emotionally charged and manipulative than just plain lies.

- at a gathering Longtail meets Grasspelt who inquires about Briarlight, Longtail is surprised about how little he knows as the she-cat had mentioned how well they got along as apprentices. Despite Millie nagging him not to tell him the truth about her daughter he does anyways, but puts much more emphasis on how well she’s doing than Millie expected. Grasspelt thinks this sounds really cool and decides that he is going to see her and her paintings, and that nobody can stop him. Longtail makes sure to put any opposing cat in their place, but Briarlight is a very respected Clanmate, so most warriors don’t say anything.

- Briarlight is nervous and doesn’t want to come out of the medicine den at first, but when Grassheart darts into the den holding berries and flowers for her to paint with she quickly warms up to her visitor.

- Grassheart is happy to tell Briarlight that he’s never been able to be a “functioning” warrior, and that he has always imagined that his spirit is shaped different, the medicine cat says his body is normal, but he’s never been able to keep focus in a fight or react as quickly as he should be able to while hunting. (He’s autistic because I say so)

- As dusk nears he’s visually hesitant to return to Riverclan and when Longtail inquires on why he says that he hasn’t felt so “here” for a long time. On the way back he wanders off and comes back with a chipmunk, when returning to Riverclan territory his father, Mintfur, is shocked to see his catch. After talking with his family a bit he realizes that it was the noise from the river that was making him so tense and dissociated, Brackenfur, who was escorting him, notices that he keeps rubbing himself on the ground and wincing.

- For the next couple moons Grasspelt returned to Thunderclan to bring Briarlight plants that only grow in Riverclan territory, he begins trying to fish from the quite lazy stream in their territory and soon both him and Briarlight have got it down.

- Longtail notices the sadness present whenever Grasspelt left and exclaims that it’s rather stupid that he’s living somewhere so unsuited for him just because of words long repeated.

- Grasspelt confesses that he feels the same, but knew he wasn’t supposed to say anything. Briarlight tells Longtail that her and the Riverclan warrior had been thinking of each other as mates for moons.

- Longtail accompanies Jayfeather to the next half moon meeting where he proposes his addition to the warrior code, “no cat should be confined to laws which harm them due to an inherent physical or spiritual difference.” (Cats don’t really know how brains work, so they see mental disabilities as a difference within a cats spirit)

- A moon later the leaders meet to discuss this proposition, it is accepted and Grasspelt makes the journey to Thunderclan for the final time.

- Grasspelt is renamed Grassspirit when becoming a Thunderclan warrior, unlike prior renaming of disabled cats this is a celebration.

- Grassspirit spends most of his time taking care of the elders and kits, he’s incredibly compassionate especially with kits and is able to solve many problems within the nursery.

- When twigkit and Violetkit arrive in Thunderclan Briarlight and Grassspirit help raise them, after Violetkit is taken Briarlight and Twigkit paint her on the side of Thunderclan camp.

- Briarlight still gets sick and her illness progresses without any treatment, Grassspirit notices her trying to hide it and when Longtail finds out he’s very upset. Jayfeather frantically treats her, expressing his frustration that she didn’t tell them sooner, the second Millie steps out she breaks down and explains that she just wanted to deal with it herself, and perhaps if she were successful Millie would finally treat her like an adult.

- Longtail gives Millie a stern talking to, he tells her that Briarlight is a warrior of Thunderclan and as her clanmate she should show her some respect.

- Millie is inherently very reactionary, as she had not realized the full extent of her suffocation, but eventually after a couple moons her and Briarlight begin to rekindle their relationship, like adults.

- Blossomfall sees how Brairlight wasn’t basking in their mother’s attention like she imagined, and feels the urge to seek out an actual sisterhood after ignoring Briarlight for moons and moons.

- Briarlight isn’t really mad at her sister, and understands why she felt the way she did. Jayfeather suggests that Blossomfall help Briarlight with her painting, Blossomfall seems put off with the suggestion of being her sister’s assistant.

- The interactions that follow are less than ideal, Blossomfall commends Briarlight’s able friends (Thornclaw, Poppyfrost, Alderheart, etc) for being so nice to her, as if that’s not what friends do. She seems very sad the entire time, sighing when her sister dragged her legs around with her mouth to sit more comfortably, even though she was completely fine. When watching her paint she comments that it’s good she has “something to keep her busy”, and finally she expresses her view, of Briarlight’s injury and her (Blossomfall’s) suffering being all worth it because of her talents, as if her life was not worth living to begin with.

- Briarlight tells her that if that’s truly what she wants she’s going to have to put more effort into understanding and respecting her way of life, and that she won’t apologize for their mother’s actions.

- When Blossomfall has her kits they take a liking to Auntie Briarlight, and Blossomfall seems to have reflected on their past interactions, trusting her sister to watch her kits. Briarlight teases a bit, a subtle way of telling her not to rush things, but they do begin to feel like something close to sisters.

- Right before Briarlight’s Nieces and Nephews are made warriors Longtail dies of Greencough. Throughout the entirety of his sickness he kept his sense of humour, his mean streak, and his immense love for what he had made of his clan.

- At his vigil Grassspirit began whaling like a bird in new-leaf, he insists that the vigil is too sad, and that Longtail wouldn’t want everyone moping around, for Starclan’s sake, his life was good. Standing amongst them, Longtail’s spirit can feel every cat in Thunderclan standing around him, singing the song of a life well lived.

[bakubros-boo-thang]

Disrespected Devil

Wordcount: -4K

Lucifer x F!Reader

Summary: When you disrespect the demon king, Lucifer is forced to say goodbye to you.

Genre: Angst, smutt, slight fluff, but tbh just angst

A/N: So another first. Not only my first time writing for the Obey me fandom (I have a major Obey me brain rot), but also my first time writing angst and I felt depressed after finishing this (which I did a second ago). I love Diavolo, but I needed a reason for the goodbye to happen so even if his dad is the villain, he is the one to execute it... Hope you enjoy this story.

Warning: NSFW, mentioning of being paralyzed I guess.

‘’What’s with Luci today?’’ ‘’He looks more pissed of than usual…’’ ‘’He probably listened to classical music too long and forgot his homework.’’ ‘’Lucifer forgetting his homework will never happen, but if it did he would look like this.’’ Hearing all those whispers during dinner time is nothing new for you. Tonight is different though. You know why he’s mad and you know who’s the blame. But it’s not as if you don’t have a reason to be just as upset. As dinner slowly ends you know there is only a small gap to avoid a situation. ‘’Beel, how about we go bake something for later this evening?’’ You say, as you cling onto the huge redhead. You know that food is a trigger and you know that this is the way to hide from HIM. ‘’Alright, sounds delicious!’’ He doesn’t seem to notice the way you hold onto him for dear life and the same goes for the others. Clearly, they’ve gotten so used to you that it’s not even necessary to be by your side 24/7. It’s not as if they know tonight will be the last time they see you. It’s a small moment of weakness and you feel your heart clench by the thought of leaving those boys. It’s enough to make you lose your grip on Beel's arm. Enough to bend over, because it physically hurts to leave them behind and enough for Lucifer to finally notice you and come to your aid. ‘’Beel, I think she ate something wrong. No cake tonight, I will see her to her room.’’

And with that, he scoops you up and takes you upstairs. Of course, your room is not an option. It’s way too close to the other rooms. No place to yell. No, Lucifer’s room is soundproof. Made for his nights spent with loud classical music and also made for the occasional screaming match with one of his brothers. As he enters the room, he carefully puts you down on his bed. ‘’Are you feeling alright, Y/n?’’ He says as he lays his palm against your forehead. The feeling of sadness is gone, already replaced by nerves. You know what’s coming. You know you won’t hold back. Will this be your last fight with Lucifer? The question never makes it to the surface, because the moment you nod your head in ensurement, Lucifer opens his mouth. ‘’Good, because you have no idea how foolish you acted today.’’  As mentioned before this room reminds you of the occasional screaming matches he must’ve had with his brothers, but never with you. Pissing Lucifer off is easy. You’ve done that plenty of times. Even made him show his true form, but making him scream, that is something you never achieved. Still, it is worth the try. Tonight is your last chance. As you get up you take a look at his face. What faces you is the cold expression he usually shows when he’s done with someone’s bullshit. The expression you have already mirrored back to him. ‘’So you are going to ignore me?’’ I’m not going to answer him. ‘’Are you serious?’’ I am not going to say a word. ‘’Should I spell out what you did?’’ Don’t say a thing. ‘’You just signed your death certificate.’’ His voice cracks and even though it’s far from the scream you aimed for. It’s still the first sign of emotion from the man you care about so much. ‘’Diavolo didn’t seem upset by what I said?!’’ You can’t help but talk louder. especially after being silent for the past few minutes. ‘’ As if he is going to kill me? ME?! And ruin the bonds that are being formed with the humans?’’

You can feel the tears in your eyes, this fight might’ve been about you being disrespectful in some way, but for you it was different. All this time getting closer with all the brothers. All this time loving them. All this time being there for them. It made you realize that the only one who made it difficult was him. With every step getting closer to each other; there were always a few steps back. An obsession with keeping up appearance, an obsession over a promise he would keep no matter what, an obsession with being a stuck-up asshole; That was Lucifer in a nutshell for you. And still, you couldn’t help being drawn to him. As a moth drawn to a flame. Even when the flame could easily kill the moth. Just as easily Lucifer could kill you. And it’s not as if he hadn’t tried that before. ‘’Y/n, You disrespected his father. I had to bargain for you to even leave the castle. The first time I trusted you enough to take you with me alone. And this is how you behave? You know what he wanted to do to Belphegor…’’ You know this story is his weakness. The reason he ended up becoming the lapdog of his so-called best friend. Still, it only makes you more upset to hear him say it. Even when you can hear the slightest hint of emotion in his voice; his eyes stay just as cold as usual. ‘’He is your best friend, isn’t he? He is my friend too, right? You always do this Lucifer! You always get mad over things and it never solves anything. You get mad at me for having fun. You get mad at me for trying to help. You get mad at me for trying to get closer to you. You don’t share things with me! Maybe Diavolo should’ve locked me up. Might as well get myself killed; it’s not as if you never tried to kill me…’’ Your voice is loud as you speak, but his silence is louder. He just stares at you and then it happens.

It’s not that you’re scared you’ve seen his true form before. It’s just as beautiful as him, but it’s also something that happens when he’s full of rage, just as that one time he tried to kill you. You can feel yourself freeze under his gaze. You can feel yourself moving away from him until you reach the headboard of his bed. Still, he moves closer. Until his lips are inches away from your ears. No screams, only whispers; what a way to say goodbye. ‘’DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA OF WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON?!’’ You are so shocked by the volume of his voice, the bass it carries, that it takes some time to realize he has more to say. Your ear is beeping as he moves his lips away and locks his gaze onto you. ‘’DIAVOLO IS NOT THE FUCKING PROBLEM, Y/N, HIS DAD IS. YOU INSULTED THE KING OF DEVILDOM IN FRONT OF HIS SON AND MULTIPLE WITNESSES. DIAVOLO CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT THAT.’’ Only now do you notice the way his hands are gripping your arms; The way his expression has changed from cold to almost desperate. ‘’That guy has only been able to do what his dad wanted. Our friendship is real, but if his father told him to kill me, he would do it without hesitation. Do you really think he would think twice about killing you? IF HE WOULD KILL ME -HIS BEST FRIEND- IN AN INSTANT?” You notice the tears in his eyes. Lucifer is screaming and crying, but this isn’t a win. Before your heart breaks again, his arms are around you and his face is hidden in your neck, but that doesn’t stop the words. ‘’I had to send you away. I had to be cold. They know I care about you, but not to this extent. I had to pretend it was for the sake of the bonds. After you left I had to beg on my knees for your survival. I had to beg. The avatar of pride begged someone on his knees. It was all Lillith over again…’’

There is nothing you can say to fix this. It might’ve slipped your mind while you were there. But you were surrounded by royalty. What might’ve seemed innocent for you, was clearly a lot for them and now you had to leave everyone you loved behind. You can feel the tears fall from your eyes. “I’m sorry Luci, I truly am.” It won’t help, but it’s the least you can say as you look up into his eyes. He is still in his true form, but even with his wings all spread out, he has never looked more vulnerable. There is a sad smile on his lips as he caresses your cheek. “I know you are, you fool.” He says with no trace of the rage he had before. “ I don't want to leave you all…I don't want to leave you!” You know that you sound like a small child that already knows he lost and that’s exactly what you feel like. “It’s too late for that now, Y/n. Diavolo gave me tonight to say my goodbyes.”  You try to distract yourself by focusing on his raven colored wings. “So that means I can’t say goodbye to the rest…”  The pain is back. Never being a fool with Mammon, never dressing up with Levi, doing make-up with Asmo, reading books with Satan, eating with Beel or sleeping with Belphie.  You can’t help but grab your chest again. “Are you okay?” Lucifer is supporting you within seconds as he asks the question. “No I’m not, but atleast I get to say goodbye to you.”  And as you look up he leans in and gives you a tiny peck on the lips. “I’ve wanted to do that for quite some time.” He lets out. You can’t help but smile as you pull him back towards you. “Let's make it a proper goodbye then.” You whisper as you pull him back to your lips.

It’s not like it’s your first kiss with Lucifer, but it’s the last and that’s what makes it so much more special. It’s the combination of mutual sadness and desperation, the hint of rage still brewing somewhere deep inside the both of you. He knows your body, the way it will arch when he pushes you all the way down onto the bed. The tiny gasps when he starts kissing your neck. The way you look away when he starts kissing all the way down your body. ‘’Please keep looking at me, dear. I want you to see how much I am going to miss you.’’ It’s enough to make your heart flutter, the way he starts to attack your core with his tongue right away. It’s obvious he is in a hurry, but even with all the sadness, it’s the best way there is. You can’t help your moans; You’re lucky his room is soundproof. He’s fast, maybe too fast, but with everything that’s going on, it’s the best you can get. And that’s what it is. The best, because within a few minutes you can feel yourself starting to reach that point. The knot in your stomach tightens. your hands end up in his hair and with one loud moan, you erupt around him.

‘’I know that Mammon claims he was your first… in multiple ways… and not to discredit my brother, but I intend to be your last in all of them.’’  He says as he looks at you while he licks his lips. Him saying those words, the way he just made you lose your mind. It feels good, after all the fighting, teasing, kisses and losses , you’re with the man you love. You don’t want to ruin the mood. You’re really trying, but the moment you hear yourself thinking about loving him, about leaving him, about leaving his brothers, you just break. The tears start to form in your eyes and as you try to wipe them away you feel something on your arms. Lucifer. His eyes are cold again as he moves up to face you. ‘’Don’t hide your tears. I am just as sad.’’ He takes a long look at you, lets out a sign, and lays next to you as he caresses your back. ‘’I don’t want to play the ‘’Who has it worse’’ game, truly, I don’t want to, but in all the years I’ve been in heaven and hell, you’re the first human to have ever make my blood boil. Both from nerves and anger nonetheless, but losing you. Losing the one that made my family whole, the one that makes me feel all these emotions, the one that I love, hurts.’’ You can’t help but raise your brow. when he notices your expression he lets out a laugh.

You feel his hand grab your chin and suddenly your lips are only inches apart. ‘’I know you love me, Y/n. I’ve always known. Falling for you, was what surprised me.’’ You can’t help, but roll your eyes at him. Trying to ignore the way his hand feels on your back. The way it slowly moves it’s way to your hips. ‘’You know I do love all your brothers quite a lot too…’’ You say with all the confidence you have left. ‘’I know you do, but still I am the one that has you laying here. Practically begging for more.’’ He let’s out a chuckle as he pulls you closer. ‘’Let’s end this conversation, there’s not enough time.’’ And with that he’s on top of you. You know there isn’t much time, but when he starts to unbotton his shirt it’s as if time slows down. Of course he notices your looks and can’t help to give you a sly smirk. ‘’Don’t worry your next.’’ Is all he says as he takes his shirt off and starts tugging on yours. After your shirt is taken off he takes a look at your body and all you see is adoration on his face. ‘’I want to see all of you.’’ It makes your body flutter. ‘’You’re absolutely breathtaking.’’ He whispers. All this praise makes you feel weak. You try to grab his face, but as you put your arms up they fall down. You feel weak. Not because of his words, but something else. You see Lucifers expression change, the adorations is switched to concern, then back to concentration and before you know it he scoops you in his arms and makes you straddle him.

He’s looking at you, but not really. Obviously talking to himself. ‘’He wanted to be sure…’’ And as he says it he’s back. Back to giving you a sad smile. ‘’What’s going on?’’ Is all you let out. Is all you can let out, as you feel your body weighing more and more. He notices you getting weaker, making sure your settled between him and the headboard of the bed, before he speaks again. ‘’I think it’s time… Barbatos must’ve cast a spell… something that gave us a time limit. The probably knew it would be hard saying my goodbyes to you. Now I’m forced to make haste, just to make sure you’re safe.’’ You can’t even respond. You can move, but barely and all you can do is watch as Lucifer grabs his shirt. As he moves away from you, you’re sure of it. No this is not the way we’re going to say our goodbyes. It needs to be on our terms. Of course those words never leave your lips, but with all the power you have you reach out to him and as he looks back you let out a: ‘’No...not like this.’’ And maybe it’s the few words you’ve spoken, or the way your arm is trembling from all the power it takes to hold on to him, but he crawls back to you. His face is right above yours and if it’s not your eyes making it obvious what you want, you’re mouth will do. ‘’Take me…’’ It’s not a lot of words, but with the face you’re making and the fact that you guys were just in the middle of it, it doesn’t take much guessing. You can see that he’s thinking about it, obviously worried for you, but you can see his eyes change the moment it clicks.

His wings ar still there and you wished you could touch them, feel them one last time, but you should be lucky by what you can still get.’’I used to be a rebel, so why not know.’’ He laughs quietly before he lays you flat on your back.  ‘’I’m going to take care of you my love, promise me to let me know when it’s too much or when you want to stop.’’ You nod your head and you know that your eyes tell him all he needs to know. How bad you want him, how even when you were able to just talk normally, you would want this goodbye to be said only in silence. His body is hovering over yours, his hand touching your neck, giving you goosebumps. ‘’Does this feel nice?’’ he whispers as his hands move towards your breasts. You can only let out a tiny gasp and that tells him enough. ‘’I wish we had more time…’’ Is all he says as his finger enters your core. The moan that escapes you is loader then the both of you would’ve expected. As he continues to stretch you out with one hand, his other starts to prep his cock. ‘’Wish I could… do that for you.’’ You manage to say. You can’t keep your eyes from him. The way he’s hovering over you. His finger inside of you and the way you can’t do anything except for your stares, moans and gasps. ‘’All I want is to feel you right now, my love.’’

And with that he places the tip right in front of your entrance. He makes sure your faces are only inches apart and as he slowly slides into you, his arms make there way to your sides. He’s holding you as he bottoms out in you and the only thing you can do is let out a long moan. He starts moving slowly, tender, putting all his love in every trust. He’s the only one speaking from time to time. ‘’I love you’s’’ and ‘’You feel so good’ s’’ are filling the room. All that praise, all the love in his eyes. The fact that he’s not only literally hitting all your spots, but also the spots in your mind, is what does it for you. You feel yourself unravel under him. You’re so close, that you start to tear up. Your eyes are filled with tears, mostly because of how good this feels, the fact that you’re making love on stolen time, but also because the time is probably running out soon. Lucifer never increases his speed. When he notices your tears he quickly wipes them away and as his hand caresses your swollen cheek he whispers:  Don’t cry, my love, let us enjoy these last moments.’’ And just as he is about to give you a kiss on the lips you whisper a soft ‘’Love you Lucifer.’’ You notice his eyes being red as well and it’s devastating, but it feels so good. the way he keeps a steady pace has you reaching your peak and these final ‘’I love you’s’’, the final kisses is all you need to feel yourself tightening around him. He’s close too, because the moment he feels you tighten around his cock he gives you one firmer stroke and that’s all he needs to cum inside of you. He falls next to you and quickly takes you in his arms. ‘’I wish we could stay like this forever. I would sell my soul… but I guess in some way my soul has already been sold.’’ And all you can do is give him a sad smile before your eyes close.

Lucifer knew that it was time. You were starting to feel cold, too cold. After putting on some clothes and making sure you were fully clothed, he grabbed the coin Barbatos had given him. ‘’Use this before the time runs out.’’ So he had warned him for the curse. He knew he couldn’t be mad at his friends. He couldn’t be mad at you, he could only blame himself. He had shown his weakness by loving you. But you loved his brothers, loved him, despite all he stood for, without any shame. And even with the way it felt like he was going to lose you forever, it still meant the world he had the honor of getting to know you. The moment the coin was thrown a portal started to form and as he grabbed your cold body the darkness swallowed the two of you. As he opened his eyes he saw nothing, but darkness. It took a few minutes to notice that he was in a room. It must’ve been yours, because he noticed a picture of you next to a bed. He was going to take the picture, he was a rebel after all. As he tucked you in, he was at a loss for words. So all he could do was give you one last kiss on the forehead. Not being able to stop the tears falling from his eyes. ‘’Goodbye, my love…’’ and as the darkness was about to swallow him, he couldn’t help but leave one more thing behind. A raven feather, just for good measure. Returning to the Devildom was going to be almost as hard as leaving you here. He was once again going to be the villain in yet another story… the story of how he lost you.

You wake up to sunlight. Too much of it. Why aren’t your curtains closed? Wait, you have to get out of bed, it’s your turn to cook for everyone. Everyone? You live by yourself… right? It feels like you had a weird dream, but you can’t remember it. All you feel is sadness. As if you’ve lost something or someone important. The pain hits you so hard that the moment you try to stand your legs give out and you lay on the ground as tears fill your eyes. It hurts, but you don’t know why. As your hands try to find some grip to get up, you feel something soft. A feather. A raven black feather. It’s weird, but it feels comforting. Before you can help yourself, your lips are already on it and even when you should be grossed out by it, you plan to cherish the little trinket...

[kouque]

Slurpin’ On Scaras Noodle

xiao fluff(?) short fic

piss also reader uses gn pronouns

genre: fluff(?)

a/n: currently watching aggretsuko again for the 50th time also idk if i got the xiao lore right but stfu also ur mom

The general scent of fresh, dead demons caused Xiao to scrunch up his nose in disgust. He was traumatized enough from his overall duties of being the “renowned” protector of Liyue, but it hurts him to kill anything, mentally.

His knees fell weak as he dropped to the floor, his spear clanking atop the rocky mountains as he held his head. A small headache was forming, and he wasn’t necessarily qualified to treat himself when it comes to anything health-related— the only person he really lets help him is you after all. He usually goes to you first for everything really, it’s like you’re the protector of the protector in a way. He doesn’t like to admit it, but sometimes it feels good to rely on someone else when you’re one of the most reliable people in Liyue.

He quickly grabbed his polearm and teleported to you, who was asleep in your cozy home somewhere near Liyue Harbor, where you usually took brief walks around. Xiao almost hesitated to wake you up; your sleeping figure looked so fragile that he was afraid he might break you in your sleep if he dared to touch you.

So that’s how low i’ve gotten for you, Xiao would think as his hand slowly reached out for your forearm. He gently rested his palm on your shoulder, waiting for a second before actually waking you up. You had moved in your sleep which caused Xiao to jolt back, worried that he had woken you up. It’s not like Xiao cares if you wake up, though! He just doesn’t want you to be cranky when you wake up, is all…

“Xiao…? Is there something wrong?” You sleepily said as you lifted yourself up, your eyes adjusting to the small lamp light that Xiao had previously turned on. He visibly winced, he truly didn’t mean to wake you from your sleep.

“It’s nothing. Go back to bed.” He would say and prepare to leave once again, yet you reached for his hand and pulled him towards you, accidentally pulling him into bed with you.

“No, if there’s something wrong, you should tell me.” You rubbed your eyes as your grip was still on Xiaos hand without you noticing. He was as frozen as some sort of figurine��� he couldn’t move as much as he tried to.

“It’s nothing, I said.” He was staring straight up at the ceiling, his body sinking into the soft mattress you slept on. You shook your head at him and slightly rubbed his calloused hand, putting him at ease.

“Please tell me what’s wrong, Xiao. You didn’t wake me up for nothing.”

Xiao was able to turn his head to face you, before quickly getting out of your bed and pulling his hand away from yours.

“I said it was nothing…!” He yelled, grabbing the spear that he had dropped. “But, i mean… I just have a headache that I don’t know how to tend to, that’s all. But an adeptus like me shouldn’t and doesn’t need your help.”

You blankly stared at him while he straightened out his shirt and fixed his hair. He stared straight back at you, occasionally breaking eye contact with you to glance at the side of your head.

“Uh-huh. A headache could be a serious issue, Xiao.” You informed him as you stood up from your bed, leading him to wherever you kept your medicine.

“Huh? What’s this?” Xiao asked as you handed him a pill of Ibuprofen. He glanced up at you who rubbed your eyes.

“It’s medicine. It’ll help with your headache, and any other physical pain you feel. I think you should also have some water and rest here for the night.” You told him, already beginning to grab a glass of water for him.

He set the pill down and crossed his arms, tapping his foot in some sort of annoyance.

“I’m not taking this. I don’t know if you’re trying to play any devious tricks on me.”

It’s not like he didn’t trust you— of course he did. He basically trusts you with his life. The only problem is that…

…The pill is too big for him to swallow and he doesn’t want to admit it.

“Seriously, Xiao?” You sighed in annoyance, picking up the pill and shoving it in his mouth. “You can’t take a single pill? I’m not gonna do anything to you, I would never hurt you in any way.”

He didn’t react when you shoved the pill down his throat, instead he was able to swallow it without any water, which made him embarrassed at the fact that he was overreacting over such a tiny little object.

“Y-You know, you shouldn’t do that to an adeptus. I’ll kill you next time you do that.” He said, making an obvious empty threat. You rolled your eyes as you handed him the water, walking right past him to go lay back in bed.

“Yeah, yeah, come kill me in my sleep or something— im gonna go back to bed. You can sleep here if you’d like,” You said, waving your hand around in dissmissal and walking away as Xiao followed you to your bedroom.

“No, im not gonna do that. I don’t wanna hurt you. It was just an empty threat.” He sat down on the side of your bed as you laid underneath the blankets, looking up at him with tired eyes. His eyes widened as he felt his face heated up at the sight of you.

“Goodnight, Xiao. Take care of yourself.” You muttered, turning off the lamp and swiftly drifting off to sleep.

Xiao hated to admit it, but he truly did love to need your help.

[eeunoia]

Hi. Can I request a Jay fic just like Ni-ki's in "Enhypen as Campus Hearthrobs" and can it be with Sunghoon? Tysm <3

I love your stories so much. Take care always! I love you 💜

hello bb, here you go! Jay’s kind of a playboy here. But still the concept is still there. Btw, enjoy! Thank you so much for requesting anon! Ily <3

ENHYPEN Imagines

pairing: jay park x reader

summary: you were in love with the campus playboy and he wanted nothing but plain hook ups.

warning: a bit spicy.

word count: 5.5k

a/n: It was long, lmao sorry. This was a request from the concept of Niki’s in my campus heart-throb series. You guys seems like to love his plot a lot because this was the second time it was requested. Anyway, enjoy reading this!  🌸

“Y/n!” you rolled your eyes when you heard the voice of your brother from outside of your room. Instead of responding, you continued flipping through the pages of the book you were holding and ignored him.

“Y/n!” he once again called out and you can’t hold it anymore so you shoot glares towards your door.

“What do you want?” you hissed at him.

“Aren’t you at least gonna send me off? Give me some hug or something?” you’re not quite sure if he’s being sincere or he’s trying to piss you off.

You let go of the book and marched towards the door to open it. There, in front of you was your twin brother, all dressed up, ready to go out and party.

“You should know that’s the last thing I would want to do, Jake Sim!” you glared hardly at him.

He sighed, “I’m not bringing you tonight.” his decision was firm as he put both of his hands inside his leather jacket then leaned over the wall.

You let out a frustrated sigh, “Why not? I promised to behave tonight.” you looked straight to his serious eyes.

Jake shut his eyes for a while before he let out a sigh, “No. I want to party hard tonight and I cannot do that if all I can think about is my sister.”

He was always the protective brother. Maybe the fact that he went out minutes earlier than you gave him an instinct that he’s older and that he has to protect you at all cost.

You pursed your lips and leaned over your door frame and stare at him. “You don’t even need to look after me. I have friends there too and besides, Jay will be there!” your voice sound so excited when Jay’s name went out from your mouth.

Jake’s stares became more serious as he eyed you. He was pretty much aware about your feelings towards one of his best friends. He’s not against it but he also not saying he won’t interfere if it’s already hurting you.

He clenched his jaw, stares not leaving you, “Jay won’t be able to look after you as well. He’s gonna get laid tonight, y/n.” he straightly told you. When it comes to the activities of his friends, he was not gonna lie about them. If anything, you need to be aware that Jay isn’t the type of guy who will settle with one girl.

You gulped, trying to get rid of the lump inside your throat and to mask out the sudden pain that took over your chest. You knew about how wild of a teen-ager Jay is and how hard it is to handle him. But you also think that if you give up on him pretty much quickly, it wouldn’t be worth it.

“What taking you guys so long?” both of your heads snapped over to the person who just appeared at the hallway.

It was Park Sunghoon, one of the best friends of your twin brother. He’s looking so handsome as always, seems like he’s also ready to party hard tonight. You rolled your eyes inside your mind, you don’t want to think about how many girls will he get tonight. You bet they will kneel before him without him even asking.

There’s a mischievous smile plastered over his face as he eyed his friend then over at you. His eyes then went over to your pajamas and it now furrowed hardly.

“Why are you in your pj’s, y/n?” he asked confused as he walked closer to you.

You pouted and looked back over to your brother. Jake looked over his friend, “She’s not coming.” he said right away that made both you and Sunghoon to look at him.

“What? Why?” Sunghoon asked and stood beside you like as if he’s on your side. Well, he is always taking your side.

“She just can’t, dude. I wanna party hard tonight.” Jake huffed out a stressed groan as Sunghoon slowly smiled at him.

“I can look after her.” he volunteered that made you smile widely and you looked at him.

He smirked and winked at you that made you chuckle a bit. Jake watch the two of you and he rolled his eyes.

“Dude, I’m serious.”

“I am too. You can have your fun tonight and I can take care of your sister.” You smiled widely at Jake while you stood beside Sunghoon then you even cling your hand over to his firm arms.

“I promise to behave.” you added.

Jake’s stares exchange from Sunghoon and you then he let out a sigh of defeat that made a grin appeared over to your face. “Fine. Hurry up and get change.” he said and rolled his eyes.

You cheered in happiness and went to him to give him a hug before going inside your room. The two followed you with their eyes, smile slowly spreading through their faces.

“Look at her, she forgot to close the door of her room. How stupid...” Jake mumbled and slowly shut your door for your privacy as they patiently wait outside.

Jake eyed Sunghoon who’s now busy with his phone. “Dude, I swear. You asked for this. You have to take care of her and promise not to hook up tonight.”

Sunghoon raised his gaze up to him then he gave him this assuring smile, “I got her, don’t worry. I won’t blink while looking after her.” he said.

Jake smiled and nodded his head raising his fist towards him for a bro fist. Minutes passed and you finally went out looking great as well. Of course, you’re Jake Sim’s sister. Good genes ran through your blood.

As you made your way out of your house, your smile grew bigger when you saw a familiar fancy car parked right outside. While you approach closer, the window of the driver’s seat rolled down and the face of the boy you’re crazy with appeared.

He looked amazing as always, his all black outfit sure makes him look dangerously hot and his stares pierced towards you making chills ran down through your whole system.

“Why is she coming, Jake?” Jay’s stares were fixed at you and you didn’t break the eye contact as well. You even raised your eyebrow at him.

“Sunghoon said he will look after her, don’t worry.” your brother answered as he went straight to ride the passenger seat.

You put your tongue out over at Jay to tease him as Sunghoon opened the door for the back seat, offering it to you. He was smirking as he watch you tease Jay.

Jay scoffed and rolled his eyes, “Just don’t expect me to babysit for her. She’s all yours, Park Sunghoon.” he said and you just entered his car while Sunghoon followed after you.

“It’s okay, I’m planning to behave tonight.” you smiled and you saw how he looked at you through the mirror and Jake turned his head towards you.

He raised his pointer finger and point it at you, “Don’t make Sunghoon have a hard time.” he reminded you with those serious looking eyes.

You sighed and rolled your eyes before shoving away his hand. “Yeah yeah, whatever.”

You didn’t notice that Jay was still watching you and he slowly shake his head from side to side. He doubt it that you’ll behave. If Jake’s the nice one, you’re the stubborn twin. You just don’t listen to anyone and you often push his buttons.

You can hear the loud music even from the outside of the house. Since the person who’s organizing this was pretty famous in throwing great parties, people sure go here to have fun. You’ve been in a lot of parties already, this isn’t the first time.

You were walking between Jake and Sunghoon. Jay was in front of you, walking like he’s in a fashion show. Eyes followed him shamelessly. He was used to it, it was almost like it’s part of his daily life.

Your face showed a displeased expression how a girl flirt with Jay. He seems to recognized her because he stopped to talk to her. Since you’re behind, you have no choice but to stop as well--or that’s what you rather want your brother to think.

You felt a hand rested over your shoulder so you turn and saw your brother. He leaned closer to tell you something, “I’ll go party now. Remember, behave.”

You rolled your eyes and raised your hand to show him an okay sign. He starred at you for a while.

“I’m warning you. Create a problem, Sunghoon’s dragging you out of here.” he added before messing your hair before leaving.

Sunghoon chuckled behind you so you turned towards him. He smiled and looked down at you, “Ready to party?” he asked.

You smirked and bite your lower lip before nodding your head. He cheered playfully before grabbing your hand to drag you somewhere. Your eyes unconsciously looked for Jay since he’s the main reason why you wanted to be here.

You saw him now sitting over a couch, a girl was hovering above him. They were having an intense making out session. You starred at them blankly, not completely surprised by the situation. It wasn’t new for you anymore.

Sunghoon stopped from his tracks and followed your line of sight. He scoffed and pull his hand away from your hand then relocate it over your waist.

“Let’s get you drunk first and then you can bother him.” he whispered at you, lips slightly touching your ears as he talk. His suggestion sounds fine so you turned over him with a smirk over your face.

“What if I cause a problem? I’m wild when I’m drunk.” it’s not like he’s not aware of your drunk state. Of course, he was well awared about it.

He smirked before he turned towards the drinks to get both of you some. He then looked over at you, “Don’t worry. I’ll handle you if he can’t.” he said and pointed Jay using his chin.

You chuckled and accepted the drink he was giving you. The night continued and the people in that party just increased just like the number of shots you took. After your fifth shot, you can feel yourself starting to feel hot already. You fan yourself as you turned over to Jay. He wasn’t there anymore, panic took over you for a while but Sunghoon tried to calm you down.

“He went to the bathroom. You should follow and stop them.” he have this sly smirk, messing up with Jay sure sounds funny for him.

You nodded your head and was about to take another shot but Sunghoon held your wrist, stopping you, “Nah-uh. You already had five shots. The sixth one will be deadly.” he said smiling.

“You should go. If you need anything, you can find me here.”

You pouted but followed what he said. You stood up and even if eyes were darted at you, you ignored them. Your mind was fixed over to the guy who’s probably planning to bang someone at the bathroom.

You gulped when you arrived in front of it. Your fist balled as you hear soft whimpers and grunting from inside. You want so bad to just barge in and pull that girl away from Jay.

After letting out a heavy sigh, you knocked furiously at the door. They didn’t responded so you repeated it once again, now a bit harder to make sure they heard it. Since the music was so loud, you were afraid that the two was so immerse with their lusts.

“Occupied!” you heard a girl shouted from inside. You clenched your jaw as your eyes pierced over at the door. Imagining Jay’s hand wrapped around her body just made your blood boil.

“Jay! Sunghoon left me!” you shouted from outside.

Suddenly, the whimpers was stopped and in just an instance, the door opened. The first one you saw was Jay,  his used to be neat black polo was now crumpled and you can see lipstick stains over his neck. Your eyes then darted over to the girl at the back, she was glaring at you while she fix her dress. You rolled your eyes at her before looking back at Jay.

“What the fuck are you doing here, y/n?” he sound so frustrated as he ran his hand once over to his sweat stained hair.

You pouted, “I was getting a drink and when I turned around I can’t find Sunghoon anymore.” you lied to him.

The girl slowly approaches Jay as she kept her glares at you. You ignored her because she don’t matter to you anyway, you’re just glad that you stopped them even before they can do the did.

You heard Jay muttered soft curses, “How many did you have?” Jay asked you that made you furrow your brows.

“What?” you asked because you didn’t quiet catch it.

He sighed, eyes darkly darted at you, “Shots... how many?”

You raised your hand showing him five fingers. He shut his eyes for a while before he turned towards the girl behind him and his other hand reached over your wrist.

A smile then slowly appeared over your face. A winning grin was present at your beautiful face when you turned towards the girl.

“I need to take care of her first.” Jay said firmly that made a displeased expression appear over her face.

“But--”

“See you around.” he didn’t even let her finish her sentence and he turned over at you. His eyes were dark as always.

“I knew this would happen. I told Jake to fucking not bring you.” he mumbled to himself but you managed to hear it anyway.

He pulled you over to a less crowded part of the house before he fished his phone. Maybe to call Sunghoon or something.

You stood just in front of him and let yourself enjoy the sight. He looked extra hot after his hair was all messed up and the first three of his polo was now open letting you have a sneak peak of his chest.

You gulped, feeling your cheeks burn because of the thoughts that taking over you. As you continued checking him out as you hear frustrated groans from him, still at his phone. Your mouth fell a bit open as you saw the bulge over his pants. Oh... you interrupted something.

You gulped and starred back at his face. He was hardly furrowing his brows, “Fucker’s not answering his phone.”

“Do you want me to help you?”

He glanced at you for a while, brows still hardly furrowed, “Help me with what?” he asked still focused with his phone.

He was about to dial somebody again but you advanced towards him and rested your hand at his erection. Jay was taken aback, he do know about how you feel but you never done this before. You were never this bold to him. His hand rested over your shoulder, ready to push you away from him before you can do something you will regret.

But Jay had lose it when you look up at him and he saw how your eyes were so innocent. Despite of your actions, your eyes was big and seems like clueless of the situation. It drives him crazy.

His breath hitched as he raised his head up, shutting his eyes and trying to breath heavily. You leaned closer and rested your face near his neck, breath fanning over to his skin.

“Damn it, y/n. Stop.” he was about to push you away because he’s slowly losing his mind.

You didn’t back away and moved your hand over to his shoulders. Jay stared down at you, slightly getting pissed after your hand left his erection.

“Y/n you don’t want this.” he said with a low voice, eyes completely darted at you.

You leaned closer, your lips were just inches away from each other. Both of your noses slightly touching each other. Your eyes were fixed over his slightly parted lips and Jay’s was just at your eyes.

His mind was clouded with a lot of bad thoughts about you. The wall he had created between you and him was slowly being broken down by you. Not even once does the thought of you initiating this had occurred to him. Between the two of you, he was the corrupted one. For him, you’re just an innocent little kitten.

“You sure?” was it the liquor? or is it the jealousy that drives you to do this? You have no idea, all you know is you love being this close to him.

His scent was invading your nose as your body felt hot close to him. Jay’s dangerous, you know it. But he’s the kind of danger you want to be involve with.

Your eyes trailed from his lips up to his eyes as your hand slowly cupped his face, “Because I really want this Jay--” you didn’t even have the time to finish your sentence when Jay cursed under his breath and pulled you over the bathroom where he just went out moments ago.

He pushed you inside, body dangerously close to each other. He kicked the door close and click the lock before carrying you. He placed you over the sink as he connect his lips at yours.

“Fuck y/n.” he mumbled between the kisses.

You hissed and groaned at the feeling of his lips over yours. You didn’t expect this would happen tonight. Jay’s hand moved from your face down over to your waist.

You pulled away and Jay was smirking at you, “I’m gonna ruin you tonight, y/n.” he mumbled that made your heart thump.

As he leaned over your neck, your fist balled and your eyes shut. You were very nervous since this is your first time and you didn’t really expect to lose your virginity in a bathroom.

Jay, as expected was professional at this thing. He knew where to kiss you to make you feel good but your slightly shaking body didn’t slip off from him.

He reached over your wrists and pushed you a bit away from him. His eyes were serious as he eye you now.

“You’re shaking.” he said, disappointment lures over his tone.

You gulped, lips trembling a bit as you try to compose a sentence. You can’t deny that you are nervous.

“I w-was just--” Jay cut you off as he took off his leather jacket and silently cover rested it over your shoulder.

“I can’t hook up with you when you’re acting like this.” he said. You were left silent.

Not because he said he ain’t gonna do it but because of what you heard. Hook up? Your eyes watered as you let out a sarcastic chuckle, “Hook up?”

Jay eyed you as he fixed the buttons of his black polo, running his hand over to his hair once.

“Yeah, what do you think? I still don’t like you, y/n. I never did.” his word rings inside your head and you felt your heart sank.

You’re so stupid for thinking that he will take you seriously just because he pulled you inside a bathroom to have sex. Of course, Jay was known for being a notorious playboy in your campus. You should’ve known better.

“And you really pull me here just to get in my pants?” your tears streamed down your face now. Jay looked at you blankly like as if it doesn’t bother him.

“Well you asked for it, didn’t you? You were basically throwing yourself at me--” your hand hardly slapped Jay’s face after you went down the sink.

You starred angrily at him, tears still pooling your eyes. You felt pathetic, you feel sorry for yourself for being this desperate.

“Screw you.” and you turn your back at him without saying anything anymore.

Jay clenched his jaw as he watch you walking out. He didn’t know but the slap did something to him.

You’re a bit still clouded with thoughts when you met Sunghoon’s eyes. He was flirting with this one girl but when he saw your face, his smile fell and he left the girl right away to approach you.

“Hey, what happened? Did he do something to you?” he asked worriedly.

You pursed your lips and gulped trying to get rid of the lump inside your throat. You wiped the tears away, “I wanna go home, please.”

Sunghoon didn’t know what to feel when he heard your voice crack a bit. He sighed heavily, slightly regretting that he send you to go after Jay. He fixed Jay’s jacket that was resting over your shoulders before he guided you outside the house.

It’s been a week already and you were trying so hard to avoid Jay. It was kind of hard because he’s basically everywhere you are since he’s friends with your brother. They often hang out at your house and you stay at your room during those time.

Jake noticed that you were avoiding him but he just shrugged it off since maybe you just had enough of the chase. He’s somewhat happy about it because he doesn’t have to worry for you being hurt by his playboy friend.

On the other hand, you were spending most of your times with Sunghoon. Lately, you two just became more close to each other. He’s always fun to be with but since he always accompany you, he became even more entertaining for you.

“What’s up babe?” he was smirking as he called you with that playful endearment he kept teasing you with.

You rolled your eyes but did your handshake with him before you plopped down beside him. Jake didn’t give much attention to the two of you because he was used to it. But Jay was different. He starred at the two of you with hawk-eye like eyes. His brows furrowed as he watch Sunghoon rested his hand over to your waist to pull you closer to him because he wanted to whisper something.

His jaw clenched as an unfamiliar emotion took over him. Were you guys always this touchy with each other? And Jake was fine with it?

He then eyed Jake who’s busy eating his food while chatting with Heeseung. He, then roamed his eyes to their other friends to see if he’s the only one thinking that you and Sunghoon is flirting right now.

Feeling a bit frustrated, he lost his appetite and just played with his food. Your giggles and Sunghoon's laughs ringed inside his mind and it just made him pissed even more.

He knew he had said that he never liked you but maybe that’s not the case? Maybe he’s just afraid of how crazy he’s gonna end up if he lets you into his system? Yeah... maybe that was it. He really liked you and you being the sister of one of his good friends created a boundary he made his-self.

“Hyung, you okay?” Jungwon had noticed how Jay hardly played with his food and how his brows were hardly furrowed.

“Huh?” Jay asked finally snapping back to his senses.

“You were playing with your food.” he said and even pointed the food using his chin.

He eyed it and he just let out a sigh. He stood up and decided to leave first. The boys were eyeing him weirdly. Jake had also noticed that something’s up with his friend. Lately, he’s not like his usual self.

“Did you had a fight with Jay?” Jake suddenly blurted out while you two were chilling at your living room.

You tried hiding your surprised reacting by covering your face with the book you were holding. Your feet were rested over your brother’s thighs as he sat beside you, watching television.

“No.” you answered.

If you’re gonna be honest, you kind of miss Jay. You missed hanging out with him. You messed his pissed off face whenever you follow him around and cling unto him. But you also think you had enough, he had made his self clear that he don’t have feelings for you.

“Really? He seems like not himself lately.”

Hearing that made your heart thump faster but you tried to shrug it off once again.

Your head snapped over the door when you heard your door bell rang. Even before Jake can stand up to go and open it, you stand up.

“Are you expecting someone?” he asked curiously.

“That’s Sunghoon! He’s gonna sleep here tonight, we’re gonna watch movies.” Jake just watched how you opened the door for his friend completely abondoning him.

“Where’s Sunghoon?” you asked Jake as you walked down the stairs, finger combing your hair.

Jake looked over you and he furrowed his brows as he gave you an elevator look. “On his way here... you look great.” he complimented you.

You smiled after muttering a soft thank you and held a leather jacket by your other free hand. His eyes darted over it.

“Is that Jay’s?” he asked you. You blushed and you panicked a bit but you tried to compose yourself once again.

“Yeah he let me borrow it last last week. I’m gonna return it to him now.” you said.

He just gave you a nod, “He’s outside,”

You nodded as well and walked yourself out. You’re partying tonight again and you decided to return his jacket to him. You had forgotten about this and while you’re fixing your room, you found it.

“Hey,” you softly called out.

Jay's eyes sparkled as he eyed you walking closer to him. He doesn’t know how to contain his excitement, you just talked to him again after that incident. He was actually so happy.

“Hey.” he greeted, trying to keep his cool.

You sighed and handed him his leather jacket. His brows furrowed and slowly reached for it.

“I forgot to return it, I’m sorry.” you plainly said and turned your back ready to leave him.

Jay doesn’t what got into him but he quickly grabbed you by your wrist.

“Are we good?” he asked you, lips ran over to his lower lip.

You starred over his eyes and you smiled. Even if you’re in front of him smiling, Jay felt your coldness lingers around you. You were cold towards him like as if he doesn’t matter for you at all.

“Yeah, of course.” Lies. You were lying.

Not really feeling okay about the situation, you were planning to get away but Jay held unto you tighter.

He was about to say something but you both heard someone talk.

“Hey sorry if I was late. I had to look for someone who will accompany Yeji for tonight.” it was Sunghoon. You pulled your wrist away from him as you playfully shoot glares at him.

“You’re just slow, Park Sunghoon.” you said and you heard him laugh before he wrapped his arms around your shoulder.

Jay clenched his jaw as he stare at the two of you. He couldn’t handle it but he knew he was at fault why all of this was happening. He’s the one to blame why the girl he loves hates him now.

Jake went out afterwards and you all went inside Jay’s car. Jake was at the driver’s seat while you and Sunghoon was at the back. The drive was silent until Jake decided to break it.

“Oh I remember, I really had a hard time sleeping last night.” he said that caught all of your attention.

Jay was clueless about the situation so he just kept his mouth shut and decided to just listen.

“You two should try and lower your voices. I was at the other room but I can still hear you. It’s annoying, you know.”

Sunghoon laughed and so did you. Jay on the other hand was gripping tightly at the steering wheel. He wanted so bad to stop the car and punch Sunghoon right there.

Jake shake his head acting like as if he was really disappointed at the two of you.

“Blame Sunghoon, Jakey. He’s such a baby.” you joked and laughed again.

“What? I told you I can’t take horror movies so well but you still insisted and it’s not like I’m the only one screaming! You were loud too.”

You two continued bickering as Jay spaced out. His grip slowly loosen up as he realized he was being dirty minded and actually thought Sunghoon and you did it.

When you arrived at the party, Jay was planning nothing but to have his eyes at you. He’s not gonna hook up or even look at other girls. It’s not like he ever did the past week because ever since he realized his true feelings for you, he stopped fooling around with other girls.

The night was pretty much going smooth, not until a girl approached Jay and he was trying to reject her in a nicest way. But the situation appeared differently for you, he seems like flirting for you so you can’t help but to feel bad.

Your eyes started to water, you had a couple of shots already so your emotions were getting the most of you.

“Hey doll face, why are you crying?” Sunghoon asked, making you face him. Now, you’re not facing Jay anymore.

Sunghoon laughed at your crying face before he leaned closer to fix your slowly getting messed up mascara, he was too close that you two were almost like kissing.

That was Jay had seen and he exploded. He couldn’t take it anymore and before you even knew it, Sunghoon was already at the floor.

“Jay! Oh my gosh, Sunghoon! Are you okay?” you asked and was about to go help him but a pair of strong arms wrapped over your waist to carry you.

You tried freeing yourself but you failed. He managed to bring you inside his car and his jaw clenched hardly after sitting down at the driver’s seat.

“Are you out of your mind? You punched Sunghoon!” Jay was pissed and you defending his friend just made him pissed even more.

He darkly looked over you, “He was kissing you!” he shouted that made you shut silent for a while.

Your brows furrowed, “What? No he wasn’t!”

“I’m not blind!”

“He was really not kissing me and if he is, then so what? So what if he��s kissing me, Jay?” you said, tone sounding a but challenging.

He clenched his jaw, “I don’t want you kissing someone else.”

You scoffed at him, “You have no right saying that.” and you were ready to go out of his car but Jay stopped you.

He snaked his arms over your waist and carry you to place you carefully over his lap.

“You're not going anywhere, y/n.” he mumbled under his breath that made your knees go weak.

You rested both of your hands over his chest for support. Silence took over both of you, eyes just starring at one another.

“I’m not planning to hook up with you, Jay.” you tried making yourself clear.

He licked his lower lip as his eyes trailed over your lips. “I am too.”

Your brows furrowed, “Then what is this?”

His eyes went back to you and you can’t explain how your heart thumped faster when you saw his eyes starring lovingly at you.

“This is me trying to confess to you.” he mumbled that made you pursed your lips together.

“I’m in love with you.”

You were surprised of course, you’re refusing to believe him but his eyes just makes it a bit more hard not to.

“I-Impossible.” he helped you sat to him properly, both of your legs over his sides then his large hands held unto your thin waist.

“You don’t know how crazy I am to you, y/n.” he mumbled, face leaned closer to you and now claiming your neck. His lips peppered you with soft feathery kisses.

“I was a fool for hurting you. Forgive me,” he said sincerely between his kisses.

You lose it as you shut your eyes, head tilting over to the side giving him more access. You hitched your breath, a low groan letting out.

“I love you.” you said that made Jay’s heart jump in excitement.

He smirked as he suck unto your neck, leaving a mark before he pull away to claim your lips.

“I love you more, baby.”

“Where were you?” Jake asked when you entered the party again. You saw Sunghoon and he was holding an ice over to his cheeks.

He smirked at you but his grin grew wider when a tall figure appeared behind you. The party continued like as if no commotion happened a while ago. You went inside and found your brother and his friends at one of set of couches at the living room.

“I w-went out for fresh air.” you reasoned out to your brother.

Sunghoon scoffed as he eye your neck, a couple of hickeys were visible but the party light makes it quite hard to see. He smirked as he saw Jay’s hand possessively rested over your waist.

“Did you fix her mascara, Jay? I was just helping her, you know?” Sunghoon said, a sly smile plastered over his face.

Soon, the boy’s eyes were darted over the two of you. Your brother’s brows furrowed in confusion and he just noticed Jay’s hand.

“Shut up, Sunghoon.” he said, smirking.

Jake smirked too, finally getting the situation, “You fucker, what did you do to my sister?” he jokingly said and pushed his shoulder a bit.

Jay looked at you for a while before he kissed your temple gently then he smiled warmly. His eyes looked at you with full affection and love.

“I just claimed what’s mine.”

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