#first rule of fandom is that everything goes back to destiel and then it goes back to kirk/spock and then it goes back to johnlock. the og

[queeringclassiclit]

Sherlock Holmes & John Watson

from the Sherlock Holmes series by Arthur Conan Doyle

[sword-wielding-sapphic]

first rule of fandom is everything goes back to destiel

second rule of fandom is everything goes back to kirk/spock

third rule of fandom is everything goes back to holmes & watson

fourth rule of fandom is everything goes back to achilles & patroclus

[thedeadhandofseldon]

The Anti-Mercer Effect

On the Accessibility of D&D, Why Unprepared Casters is so Fun, and Why Haley Whipjack is possibly the greatest DM of our generation.

(Apologies to my mutuals who aren’t in this fandom for the length of this, but as you all know I have never in my life shut up about anything so… we’ll call it even for the number of posts about Destiel I see every day.

To fellow UC fans - I haven’t listened to arc 4 yet, I started drafting this in early August, and I promise I will write a nice post about how great Gus the Bard is once I get the chance to listen to more of his DMing).

Structure - Or, “This is not the finale, there will be more podding cast”

So, first of all, let’s just talk about how Unprepared Casters works. Because it’s kind of unusual! Most of the other big-name D&D podcasts favor this long, grand arcs; UC has about 10 hours of podcast per each arc. And that’s a major strength in a lot of ways: it makes it really accessible to new listeners, because you can just start with the current arc and understand what’s going on!

And by starting new arcs every six or seven episodes, they can explore lots of ways to play D&D! Classic dungeon delve arc! Heist arc! Epic heroes save the world arc! Sportsball arc! They can touch on all sorts of things!

And while I’m talking about that: Dragons in Dungeons, the first arc, makes it incredibly accessible as a show - because it lets the unfamiliar listener get a sense of what D&D actually is. (It’s about telling stories and making your friends feel heroic and laugh and cry, for the record). If I had to pick a way to introduce someone to the game without actually playing it with them, that arc would definitely be it.

And I’d be remise not to note one very important thing: Haley Whipjack and Gus the Bard are just very funny, very charismatic people. Look. Episode 0s tend to be about 50%(?) those two just talking to each other about their own podcast. It shouldn’t work. And yet it DOES, its one of my favorite parts, because Haley and Gus are just cool.

And a side note that doesn’t fit anywhere else: I throw my soul at him! I throw a scone at him - that’s it, that’s the vibe. The whole podcast alternates between laughing with your friends and brooding alone in a dark tavern corner - but the laughs never forced and the dark corner is never too dark for too long.

Whipjack the Great - Or, the DM is Also a Player!

I think Haley Whipjack is one of the greatest Dungeon Masters alive. The plots and characters! The mechanical shenanigans! The descriptions!

Actually, let’s start there: with the descriptions. (Both Haley and Gus do this really fucking well). As we know, Episode 0 of each arc sees the DM reading a description - of a small town, or the Up North, or the recent history of a great party. And Haley always strikes this tricky balance - one I think a lot of us who DM struggle with - between giving too much description and  worldbuilding, and not telling us anything at all. She describes people and events in just enough detail to imagine them, but never so much they seem static and unreal - just clear enough to envision, but with enough vagueness left to let your imagination begin to run wild.

While I’m thinking about arc 3’s party, let’s talk about a really bold move she made in that arc: letting the players have ongoing control of their history. Loser Lars! She didn’t try to spell out every detail of this high-level party’s history, or restrict their past to only what she decided to allow - she gave them the broad outlines, and let them embellish it. And that made for a much more alive story than any attempt to create it by herself would have - but I think it takes a lot of courage to let your players have that agency. Most Dungeon Masters (myself included) tend to struggle with being control freaks.

And the plots! Yeah, arc one is built of classic tropes - but she actually uses them, she doesn’t get caught up in subverting everything or laughing at the cliches. And it’s fun! In arc 3, there really isn’t a straight line for the players to follow, either - which makes the game much more interesting and much trickier to run. And her NPCs are fantastic and I will talk about them in the next section.

Above all, though, I think what is really impressive is how Haley balances mechanics, and rules as written, with the narrative and rule of cool - and puts both rules and story in the service of playing a fun game. And the secret to that? She’s the DM, but the DM is a player, and the DM is clearly having fun. Hope Lovejoy mechanically shouldn’t get that spellslot back, but she does, and it’s fun. The changeling merchant in Thymore doesn’t really make some Grand Artistic Narrative better, but wow is it fun. And she never tries to force it one way or the other - the story might be more dramatic if Annie didn’t manage to banish the demon from the vault, but it’s a lot cooler and a lot more fun for the players if Annie gets to be a badass instead - and the rules and the dice say that Annie managed it.

Settings feel like places, NPCs feel like people, and the narrative plot feels like a real villainous plot.

Anyway. I could go on about the various ways in which Whipjack is awesome for quite a while - she’s right, first place in D&D is when your friends laugh and super first place is when they cry - but I’m going to stop here and just. Make another post about it some other time. For now, for the record I hold her opinions about the game in higher esteem than I do several official sourcebooks; that is all.

Characters - Or, Bombyx Mori Is Not an Asshole, And That Matters

Okay, I said I would talk about characters! And I will!

Just a general place to start: the party! All of the first three parties are interesting to me, because they all care about each other. Not even necessarily in a Found Family Trope sort of way, though often that too. But they generally aren’t assholes to each other. The players create characters that actually work together, that are interesting; even when there’s internal divisions like SK-73 v. Sir Mr. Person, they aren’t just unpleasant and antagonistic all the time. Listening to the podcast, we’re “with” these people for a couple hours - and it isn’t unpleasant. That matters a lot. (To take a counter-example: I love Critical Role, but the episode when Vox Machina pranked Scanlan after he died and was resurrected wasn’t fun to listen to, it was just uncomfortable and angering and vaguely cruel).

All of the PCs are amazing, and the players in each arc did a great job. If you disagree with me about that, well, you have the right to be incorrect and I am sorry for your loss. Annie Wintersummer, for one example: tragic and sad and I want to give her a hug, but also Fuck Yeah Wintersummer, and also her familiar Charles the Owl is the cutest and funniest and I love him. And we understand what’s going on with Annie, she isn’t some infinite pool of hidden depths because this arc is 7 episodes and we don’t have time for that, but she also has enough complexity to be interesting. Same with Fey Moss: yeah, a lot of her is a silly pun about fame that carries into how she behaves, but a lot of how she behaves is also down to some good classic half-elven angst about parenthood and wanting to be known and seen and important. (Side note: if your half-elf character doesn’t have angst, well, that’s impressive and also I don’t think I believe you).

There are multiple lesbian cat-people in a 4-person party and they both have requited romantic interests who aren’t each other. This is the future liberals want and I am glad for it.

Sir Mister Person, the human fighter! Thavius, the edge lord! Even when a character is “simple,” they’re interesting, because of how they’re played as people and not action-figures. And that matters a lot.

In the same way: the NPCs. There really aren’t a lot of them! And some of them come from Patreon submissions, so uh good work gang, you’re part of the awesomeness and I’m proud of you! The point being, the NPCs work because enough of them are interesting to matter. It’s not just a servant who opens Count Michael’s door, it’s a character with a name (Oleandra!) and a personality and history. They’re interesting. Penny Lovejoy didn’t need to be interesting, the merchant outside the Laughing Mausoleum didn’t need to be interesting, but they ARE! And Haley and Gus EXCEL at making the NPCs matter, not just to the story but to us as viewers. I agree with Sir Mister Person, actually, I would die for the princesses of the kingdom. I actually care about Gem Lovejoy of all people - that wouldn’t happen in an ordinary campaign! That’s the thing that makes Unprepared Casters spectacular - and, frankly, it’s especially impressive because D&D does not tend to be good at making a lot of interesting compared to a lot of other sorts of stories.

And, just as an exemplar of all this: Bombyx Mori. Immortal, reincarnating(?), and described as the incarnation of the player’s ADHD. I expected to hate Bombyx, because as the mom friend both in and out of my friend-group’s campaigns, the chaos-causer is always exhausting to me. And yeah, Bombyx causes problems on purpose! But! She is not an asshole.

And that’s important. Bombyx goes and sits with the queen and comforts her. Bombyx gives Annie emotional support. Bombyx isn’t just a vehicle to jerk around the DM and other players; Bombyx really is a character we can care about. To compare with another case - in the first couple episodes of The Adventure Zone, the PCs are just dicks. Funny, but dicks. Bombyx holds out an arm “covered in larva” to shake with a count, and robs him of magical items, but she also cares about her friends and other people! She uses a powerful magical gem to save her fertilizer guy from death! Yeah, Bombyx is ridiculous, but she’s not just an asshole the party has to keep around for plot reasons; you can see why her party would keep her around. And one layer of meta up, she’s the perfect example of how to make a chaotic character like that while still being fun for everyone you’re playing with, which is often not the case. And I love her.

The Anti-Mercer Effect - Or, “I think we proved it can be fun, you can have a good time with your friends. And it doesn’t have to be scary, you can just work with what you know”

The Mercer Effect basically constitutes this: Matthew Mercer, Dungeon Master of Critical Role, is incredible (as are all of his players). They’re all professional story-tellers in a way, remember, and so Critical Role treats D&D like a narrative art-form, and it’s inspiring. Seeing that on Critical Role sets impossible standards - and people go into their own home games imagining that their campaigns will be like Critical Role, and the burden of that expectation tends to fall disproportionately on the DM. And the end result, I think, of the Mercer Effect is that we get discouraged or intimidated, because our game isn’t “as good as” theirs. (And I should note - Matt certainly doesn’t want that to be our reaction).

So the Anti-Mercer Effect is two things: it’s D&D treated like a game, and it’s inspiring but not intimidating. And Unprepared Casters manages both of those really freaking well. Because they play it like a game! A UC arc looks just like a good campaign in anyone’s home game. They have the vibes of 20-somethings and college students playing D&D for fun because that’s who they are (as a 20-something college student who plays a lot of D&D, watching it felt like watching my friends play an especially good campaign). They’re trying to tell a good story, sure, and they always do. But first and foremost, they’re trying to have fun, and it shows, and I love the UC cast for it.

And that’s the other half of it: it’s inspiring! It’s approachable; you can see that Haley and Gus put plenty of work into preparing the game but it also doesn’t make you feel like you need hundreds of pages of worldbuilding to run a game. Sometimes a cleric makes Haley cry and she gives them back a spell-slot from their deity! That’s fantastic! It’s just inspiring - listening to this over the summer, when my last campaign had fallen apart under the strain of graduation, is why I decided to plan and run my new one!

That quote from Haley Whipjack that I used as the title for this section? That’s the whole core of this idea, and really, I think, the core of the podcast.

The Mercer Effect is when you go “that’s really cool, I could never do that.” But Unprepared Casters makes you look at D&D and go “wow, that looks really fun. I bet I can do that!” And I love the show for it.

And I bet a lot of you do too.

[angzlicas]

Since we've hit 100k works on ao3,

I've gotten many asks about my favorite Destiel fics! Instead of replying to them all, I thought I'd just list them here along with the summary, word count, and my opinion on each (as a side note, all of them are Explicit):

In a Mirror, Darkly by anyrei, mugglerock Words: 196,710, Canon

Summary: “Do you trust me, Dean?”

“You know I do,” Dean answered, his voice carrying resignation and sadness. He knew Cas was right. This was the only way if he wanted to help save his brother. He had to do it, even though everything in him wanted to fight it. But he trusted Cas with his life. And now he was going to show him just how deep that trust ran.

Dean fell to his knees in front of the angel, bowing his head forward as he was fitted with the extraordinarily heavy collar. Castiel’s fingers caressed his skin when he closed the clasp of the sign of slavery; the symbol that gave Dean’s life over to the angel’s mercy. Dean suppressed the urge to close his eyes.

Opinion: This fic is my all-time favorite. No seriously, it's the first fic I recommend to people when they ask. And I've read it 3 times over a 3 year period. I'll never get tired of reading it. It follows Cas and Dean having to pose as master and slave to rescue Sam from Angels in Limbo. Lots of smut, basically a Porn With Plot fic but the smut adds SO MUCH to the story. Amazing fic.

Taker of Souls by jscribbles Words: 128,665, Canon

Summary: The angels have fallen. Castiel is human, Sam is recovering from the trials, and Dean doesn’t want to expose them to the world as it’s crumbling outside the bunker doors.

To pass time in their solitude, Dean discovers a hidden room in the bunker full of dangerous magical artifacts and accidentally exposes his friends and family to an ancient horror. If Castiel thought adjusting to humanity was already a terror in itself, he experiences a world of pain when the ancient spirit Dean released chooses him as a vessel to fulfill its evil prophecy.

Castiel begins to change as voices call out to him in the night and take the form of the one righteous man he desires, temptation drawing him to complete a ritual that will allow one of Hell’s most feared ancient entities to occupy his vessel.

Before Sam, Dean, Kevin and Crowley know what is happening, they are thrown into a lockdown, unable to escape the bunker as the cruel, twisted monster inside of Castiel prowls the hallways, hunting them, thirsty for their blood, hungry for their souls.

Opinion: This one was very gory, very scary. A cheeseless and modern take on the horror movie The Evil Dead (1981 2013) where Cas is the villain but unwillingly. Heartbreaking angst with a happy ending, this little fic is overlooked because of being tagged as a crossover. I hadn't seen Evil Dead when I read the fic and the author did such a good job describing every single scene, I didn't need to. READ TAGS

Out of the Deep by @riseofthefallenone Words: 488,608, Mer!Cas/Human!Dean AU

Summary: Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

Opinion: WOW. Where to even start. This fic is a staple in the Destiel AU fandom. The world-building is absolutely incredible and the author stayed true to the characters' personalities and what makes Dean and Cas, Dean and Cas. I was hooked from the very first chapter and read it within 2 days. Although the 500k words may look daunting, it's ABSOLUTELY worth it, I promise. You'll get. everything you could want from this fic including fluff, angst, heartbreak, hurt/comfort, smut, just everything. And if you're staying away because of the mermaid thing, let me tell you. The author just makes it so realistic and believable and beautiful, a few chapters in is enough to change your mind.

The Graveyard Shift by @purgatory-jar, @riseofthefallenone Words: 620,733, Monsters Living In Harmony AU

Summary: Dean’s favourite coffee shop, The Graveyard Shift, is only open after the sun goes down. Which is perfect for him, because that’s exactly when he craves coffee the most while doing the overnight at the fire hall. The coffee shop’s owner is pretty perfect too, but it’s kind of a bummer that Dean never gets to see Cas during the day. In a world where the supernatural live more or less in peace with the rest of humanity, it’s a little impolite to ask Cas just what he really is - or what his dark past entails.

Opinion: Although it's over half a million words, this fic is incredible. From the world-building to the mysterious air it has, the art, as well as the writing, makes it a must-read. I can't tell you how many times I've recced this to someone in the fandom. I won't spoil it for you, but it's absolutely adorable. Again, the authors work so hard to make sure that Dean and Cas' personalities are true to the show's. It's coffee shop!au meets fireman!au meets monster!au. A slowburn truly worthy of it's title.

Hunting for Faith by @perunamuusa, @riseofthefallenone Words: 270,952, Reverse!verse AU

Summary: It starts a few days earlier.

Castiel first notices it in the middle of the night when the dreams of fire and screams have kept him awake. He’s kneeling before the altar, praying, when the glass in the windows start to shake, the very air vibrating around him. Castiel is on his feet and reaching for the gun tucked into the back of his pants as the shutters over the windows start to rattle.

Opinion: If you have ANY interest in Hunter!Cas/Angel!Dean, go read this fic. Like now. So, so awesome. I won't say any more other than Cas is a priest and a hunter and Dean and Sam are angels, because I don't want to spoil it. Truly a masterpiece.

If you want to see more of my favorites, check my BOOKMARKS on my Ao3!

[verobatto]

My last SPN SPEC COMPENDIUM

Destiel endgame spec. TFW. And how I stick to the happy ending.

Hello gorgeous people, I know a lot of you are mad with the world because where is our beloved Destiel? Or because you are feeling EVERYONE IS GONNA DIE! Or just because STOP MAKING OUR ANGEL BE SO SAD and all.

I know I know...

But here I bring to you my last spec compendium, I hope I can convey all the craziness in my head...

Destiel Spec

Okay you all know about my "Hands and Foreshadow", I which I based my Destiel holding hand and kiss spec, but if you didn't read it, here you have the links:

Hands and foreshadow

Destiel addition

So, yes, I'm still clowning, sue me, I won't lose my hopes until the end graphic is on the screen. So.

1) I'm confused about the Destiel talk, and the moves, I thought would happen in this season because this Good Omens scene here...

Is like we had been robbed heheheh. But also this...

Could be taken as a talk? Dean using his own words? But preserving the I LOVE YOU for later, because is gonna be VERY MEANINGFUL.

2) With the incoming Sacrifice of Castiel in episode 15x18, we are all asking, who's gonna say the priceless three words? Is not the place I would put Dean's I LOVE YOU to Castiel, because it has to be more, more meaningful. So, I assume maybe is Cas the one confessing his feelings before go to the Empty. And this...

(last gif credit is for @agusvedder )

Gah Berens, he likes to play with mixing scenes, and I knew something bad will happen when the scene was jumping between Sam/Rowena and Destiel, the horrible foreshadow, if you don't believe me , go read the meta here. Just let me place the Destiel Kiss here, a because my kissing good bye spec is burning my ears... So yes. I would put it here, but I will love it in the Rescue from the Empty heheheheh. Oh Boy, I'm a huge 🤡.

The Sacrifice for the son again? And for everyone...

But but... If Cas goes to the Empty, and Dean won't be able (again) to respond to that I LOVE YOU with words...

3) The I Love You could be said to find Castiel in the Empty, following the profound bond, as Dean followed by intinction in Purgatory 2.0, or when Amara made use of it in season 11 to find Dean, or how the Nougat Boy woke up Castiel in the Empty helped by Dean's longing... Dean will find Cas in the dark, and will wake him up, it will be a MIRACLE, just like Cas was told when he woke up Donnie and saved that kid in the woods in 15x05.

But could be Amara the one in revealing Dean the truth about the profound bond? And the one coming out with the idea? Because... She was dressed in pink in 15x15...

4) So the second villain will be THE EMPTY (the big Impostor who will take Billie's shape) and Dean will defeat him, just as he did with the monsters in episode 14x16 and 15x16, both of them maybe, foreshadowing Dean rescuing Castiel from the Empty.

5) What about Castiel's vessel? You know about my spec based on @emblue-sparks insights about a Destiel sharing vessel? You can read the spec here. But mostly, because Cas won't have a body once out the Empty, so... Dean would say yes to share his for the rest of the eternity with the love of his life.

TFW spec

1) I talked extensively about the second chance they were foreshadowing these lasts episodes, you can read the spec here and here. But basically, this is how I think is gonna happen:

Cas will Sacrifice himself to defeat Chuck, instead Jack, but that's not gonna work as they expected. So, they will have a second chance...

In this second chance, Dean and Jack will reset time to get another opportunity against Chuck. Maybe they will come back time until the previous minutes before their failure.

Who's gonna defeat Chuck? I don't know my fellows, because at first I thought CAS WAS THE KEY, because he was the one Chuck was avoiding and the one Chuck couldn't write because Castiel's unexpected decisions, as you had read in plenty of my metas. Maybe his self Sacrifice won't be in vain, and will give the key to defeat Chuck with the reset button. IDK. Let's see.

2) The balance is given by Jack, the new god, the one who brings Darkness and Light. He's the perfect balance between humanity, heaven and Hell. So, they don't need to kill Amara, but I'm feeling part of her arc will be giving her life in Sacrifice, because color pink, and all the people.in pink dying this season too. Let's see.

Jack is Shiva. The god that brings a new world.

3) Death is there to put everything in it's place.

Angels in heaven, demons in hell, entities in their places. Defeating Chuck, Everything will work again as it should, with a new world without monsters (maybe?) In which Sam will live with Eileen his peaceful life, Dean and Cas together for the eternity and Jack ruling the new world.

To Conclude:

We will get Becky's fics ending, Destiel happiness and normal life for Sam, because that's what fans want. As she said in episode 15x04. That's the ending I'm expecting. And I hope that 4 episode could be enough.

Love you all! We are together in this last countdown! Hugs!

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @destielshipper221b @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @thislunarkiss @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2 @spnsmile

Buenos Aires, October 26th 2020, 3:23 PM

[orionsangel86]

what are your thoughts on the deancas endgame.. how will they resolve the Empty.. any thoughts?

Ah that old question! How it pains us all! :P

What are my thoughts on DeanCas endgame now? Honestly it changes everyday!

When Cas first made his deal with the Empty, it seemed so damn obvious to me that it would be a lead up to overt canon Destiel. At the time I was pretty sure that there was nothing else that could bring Cas that level of happiness. Now I’m not so sure. Cas’s devotion to Jack has only grown, and the fracturing of the Winchester family at the end of Season 14 was a huge hit to him. I can now easily envisage something as simple as Cas being invited to carve his name on the bunker table being the trigger point, so long as Jack is alive and well. Being part of the Winchester family has definitely been the principle factor the writers have built on for Cas over the past season. I therefore think that if the Empty does come for Cas, it will be from something familial, something like Jack and the Winchesters all sitting around and them paying specific attention to Cas for doing something great, like actually stopping a monster, saving a ton of people, and doing it all the human way, leading to a very impressed Sam and a loved up Dean beaming at him and telling him to carve his initials, and making sure he adds the W.

As much as I would love it and ascend to fandom heaven if it happened, I don’t think the empty deal is gonna be triggered by Dean grabbing and kissing Cas up against his bedroom door, or even actually saying a very clearly romantic “I love you”. Not that I don’t think that will happen at all, but I feel the Empty deal will need to be addressed very soon, and I just can’t see any overt confirmation of Destiel in text before the very end (if at all) at this point.

Please let me explain my thought process on this before anyone get’s upset or jumps on me.

Season 15, imo, has done a lot for Destiel. Since the very first episode we have had a clear emotional storyline specific to Dean and Cas. Their relationship drama has basically fuelled the emotional heart of the season so far. It has lead to journalists, interviewers, and plenty of check marks on Twitter agreeing that whatever Dean and Cas have, it’s something very special, and important to Supernaturals beating core.

The fact is, Dean and Cas are already being written as a romantic couple. They are being written as two people who deeply love each other, to the point that they get ridiculously overly emotional around each other and when the other hurts them. Their relationship is constantly called out by other characters (Belphegor, Rowena) and mirrored to the more overt (however unfair that is) heterosexual relationship in the show (Sam and Eileen).

If we were still living within the era of the Hays Code, if this was The Celluloid Closet, then we would already be championing Destiel as an epic example of queer romance. It IS a queer romance after all. Destiel is real, it exists within the Supernatural story, and the SPN writing team including actual queer writers are 100% on our side and writing Destiel as best they can. This I am 100% certain of at this stage. As a meta writer, I am already validated that my reading of the show and of Destiel as a queer romance in the show is correct. Destiel isn’t something anyone can justifiably call us delusional for seeing anymore. We have come way far beyond that point here. If you see Destiel as a romantic love story, your reading is a correct reading because that IS the story the writers are writing. Season 15 has confirmed that with the Destiel break up story arc and Dean’s prayer. This I say with absolute certainty. Your reading of Destiel as valid and an actual queer love story is correct. It is the story they are telling. People can’t deny Destiel anymore because it is those deniers who at this stage look pretty damn delusional ya know?

I have bolded several lines above because they are important and I really want to stress that this is my stance on the matter. Do not let anyone try to convince you that I feel differently here. If you are a young queer person who sees yourself and your relationship in the DeanCas love story you are valid in seeing that. Exactly as it is, right now, without any need for further confirmation within the story. I am in no way trying to invalidate you by what I am about to say next.

I mentioned the Hays Code and the Celluloid Closet. If you haven’t seen the Celluloid Closet I urge you to watch it as it is a fascinating look into queer coding within the Hays code era. Also, quickly, if you aren’t aware of what I mean by the Hays Code it’s basically the code that Hollywood had to adhere to, setting out rules of what could and couldn’t be portrayed in cinema at the time. Here’s a link to the Wiki article on the history of queer cinema. The introduction of the Hay’s code also meant the introduction of queer coding and subtext rather than explicit dipictions of queer romance in cinema. When I refer to this in relation to Dean and Cas, basically what Supernatural is doing with Dean and Cas is exactly what was done to dipict queer romance in order to get around the Hays code during the era when it was enforced.

So when I say that Destiel is real and valid and being written as a love story, I mean that the writers are basically doing with Destiel what savvy filmmakers had to do to circumvent the Hay’s code during Hollywoods golden age.

Do you see the issue yet?

It is 2020. The Hay’s Code has been abolished for around 50 years.

I fully respect the SPN writing team for trying to tell the Destiel love story as best they can, but at this point in time, even with everything they have already given us, it is still subtext.

Subtext IS a part of the text. What is Canon? What isn’t Canon? Honestly? I’m done with the arguments about it. Believe what each of you want to believe. What I will say is that I don’t think we are going to get anything more overt from the show at this point. The reason I say this is because the writers have now had plenty of ideal opportunities to actually bring the Destiel love story into text. They could have had a single line in 15x07 that confirmed Dean and Lee had a romantic relationship when they were younger. It would have been so easy to do. But they didn’t. Dean’s prayer to Cas, in all it’s glory, could have given us one line more as well. We could have had a love confession. They could have taken it there. Again, it would have been so easy, and it was the ideal opportune moment for Dean to confess. But they didn’t.

I have gone back and forth on this particular question over and over again. The question being will Destiel be brought into explicit undeniable text by series end?

Again, I stress, this question is completely separate to the question of the validity of Destiel already within the text and I swear to God if I get a single argumentative person in my mentions coming at me because they’ve been brainwashed by *people* trying to twist and blur these lines I am going on an even bigger blocking spree to the one I’ve already been on.

In my opinion, the answer to this question resides not with the decisions of the writers (who I fully believe would make it overtly canon in a heartbeat if they could) but with the CW execs. I have my own theories about what goes on behind the scenes, and what I think Dabb has been fighting with since he first took over as showrunner in season 11, and I just really hope that at some point once this is all over we will get a big expose on the truth about Destiel which confirms my speculation and slams the CW execs for not wanting to go there with Supernatural in particular (something I have previously talked about here). I would love for the execs to have given the green light on Destiel being overt by season end, and I am still hoping they have been more lenient this season even if the okay is only for one small moment. Whatever we get or do not get, it will be at the hands of the CW execs and not the writers. That’s the one thing I ask everyone to please keep in mind whatever happens in the end.

As far as what I think may or may not happen...

I would love for the Empty to take Cas because Dean confesses his love and kisses him. Or even if the Empty takes Cas because of other things, having Dean then rescue Cas from the Empty in a poetic reverse of Cas rescuing Dean from Hell, with the big reunion being their overt textual getting together. I feel like the story could go in so many different directions right now as I don’t actually feel like the plot of season 15 is all that coherant so far. The main key notes were Dean and Cas’s relationship drama, Sam and Eileen’s reunion, Chuck messing with the boys and Jack’s return. I think that things will ramp up pretty quickly in this final run of episodes from mid March to the finale, and I think a lot of storylines will get addressed and resolved in a short space of time, at this point, if anything overt does happen for Dean and Cas, it will happen quickly, and the story will move on, or it will be left in the subtext until the very final episode, or it will remain in subtext completely.

Personally, I think that Dean and Cas’s love story will remain subtextual until the very end, with potentially an “I love you” from Dean that will be interpreted as platonic by all major media sources much to all of our frustrations (a repeat of the Season 12 Cas “I love you”) (As Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him as a plot point at this stage, regardless of whether it is romantic or platonic the story basically demands it be said). I am still quietly confident that Dean and Cas will end the season together in some way, either living or dead, I don’t think that their story or their individual story arcs work if they are separated, and I will be stunned and hurt the same way I was for Game Of Thrones if the show does take a different route.

Therefore, since I see the show ending with Dean and Cas together, I can potentially see them taking each others hands in one final shot that basically subtly confirms that they are an item without ever actually textually stating anything more or giving us a kiss or anything. I personally, would be very satisfied with this. If it doesn’t happen though, if I’m totally honest, I would also be satisfied so long as they are still together by the shows end, as I have continually stressed, Destiel is already a real and valid love story that totally validates me as a meta writer, even if it isn’t technically “canon” by all major definitions of the term. (Again I stg if anyone comes at me for saying this I am blocking without devoting a second of my time to arguing with you I am literally at zero tolerance on this ridiculous argument right now and refuse to be dragged back into the bullshit).

Whatever happens, I am loving what we are getting so far. I’ve really been enjoying this season especially the Dean and Cas storyline because it has been so intense and emotional and I LIVE FOR IT! :D I know I’ll be a puddle of tears whatever happens and I just hope that it keeps up this excellent trajectory because so far I’ve been really pleased with everything else we’ve got even if I was slightly disappointed by the show not pushing 15x07 and 15x09 just that tiny bit further into overt canon confirmation of Bi!Dean and Destiel. We’ll see. As I have already said several times, I am feeling pretty validated by my interpretation of Dean and Cas’s relationship over the past so many years I’ve been writing about them. I am confident that I will continue to feel validated as we reach the final run of episodes, and I will continue to be optimistic that Dean and Cas will get a satisfying ending together, whether that includes overt textual Destiel confirmation or not.

[lizthirose]

My personal Supernatural coda

Yes, I am sad. Yes, I am frustrated.

But if I think about where it comes from, I realize: It’s in parts my own fault. Because I hang on to meta, read and write it, like the next fan. I let me give it hope, let it reassure me that what we want, what I want, what will become the truth, canon. 

But I want you to understand one thing:

All fanfic, metas, theories and interpretations are NOT the reality.

If were are right with what we think, think to see, we are lucky. But it rarely ever has something to do with what the writers of a show actually intended. 

You know, back in school I hated literature class because of said interpretations. I hated that teachers and literature professors always wanted to see some 20 layers of meaning behind every single word. Because, well, there is not.

Writing, for the most part, then and now, is just sitting down and doing it. Creating a story that flows, putting words and ideas out as fast as your mind provides them without missing something good or important. It is not considering every word carefully, every theme and picture, and how it can be a call-back to some tiny thing that has happened years prior.

Maybe it’s what we do in fanfic, all these little nudges and winks, because we have the time, and we love that one or the other reader will squeal in recognition. But professional writers, especially those for TV shows, rarely ever have that time. Oftentimes, they will not even have this thorough and profound knowledge of even the smallest things; even less when a show has been running for as long as SPN has. 

So as good and believable and hopeful all those metas that were written in the past days, and over the years, may have been - they are just interpretations of people who are so involved in watching the show and hanging on to every last little hint of something they want to see, that it gives false hope.

And this is the result. A broken fandom. A fandom in mourning not because their favorite show has ended, but because it didn’t end the way we all expected solely because of meticulous meta. 

Once I thought that this show would end with both Sam and Dean dying and going into heaven in the last couple of minutes, and that would be it. Everyone who has seen the show however knows that so far heaven wasn’t a good place.

So did the writers. And they took the time to show us that heaven is a good place now. That it has changed; has been changed by Jack and by Cas. 

When you talk about last night’s episode, you have to look closely. You have to take into consideration that they only had some 42min, that they shot it during Covid, and that this is and always has been essentially a show about two brothers. No one negates the importance of Misha/Cas especially, or anyone else in general. They squeezed in a mention of Donna, they heavily implied that Jack and Cas are running heaven now and therefore that Cas IS back from the Empty, and if you ask me, that woman in the background may very well have been Eileen (why choose a black-haired woman when so far Sam’s significant girlfriends have been blond). They brought in Jim Beaver, who has not been any less important to that show.

And if we are interpreting, well, then I would almost go as far to say that they also sort of gave us Destiel. As I wrote in my fanfic from last night, my interpretation is that angels are supposed to stay in heaven now, because of Jack’s new rules, which is totally fine and long overdue. And he can’t make exceptions, not even for Cas. So bringing Dean to heaven is the logical step, because it’s the place they can be together. My headcanon definitely is that they are.

Last night I saw many tweets of people thanking the show and while not entirely happy, still praise it, including the ending. At first I was angry about that, but then it hit me - and I have in fact said that a few days back - the show is not made for us few here on Tumblr. There is a gigantic fandom out there, and we are only a small part. This show is not made for us - it is made for everyone. 

Did I want a happy shipper ending? Duh, of course. But it is not about what I want, or our Tumblr niche. It’s about serving everyone. Everyone who has ever watched the show, and still does.

You may say now that killing Dean, letting Sam live alone, isn’t serving us, who are a part of the fandom. Yes, maybe you are right.

A few years back, when I was last active in Tumblr, people were complaining about the codependency between the brothers. How unhealthy it was etc etc. Thinking about that, killing one off and letting the other live a full life doesn't seem so strange or wrong then. Saying that Sam wasn’t happy the rest of his life is not correct. He had a family, a son. Of course he was sad; he had lost his brother, and with him the one human being he had had the most intense relationship with for 15 years. If you are that close to someone, and go through literal hell, death and apocalypse, something none of us will ever be able to relate to, with them, you are bound to form a bond that goes beyond everything that is known to men, and it will naturally make you feel the loss even more acutely. But we didn’t see Sam give up, live out his days alone, or become reckless and suicidal. 

Yes, I wanted to see Sam and Eileen together, as well as Cas and Dean, all of them on Earth, all of them as a big family with the occasional visit from Jack, all of them living their lives to the fullest and happiest until they died of old age and reunited in heaven. 

But while Supernatural has always been about family, it never has been about cheesy soap stories. Drama has ever since the beginning a defining theme of this show. To me, this ending felt much more like Supernatural as anything that would have served us fans. Don’t get me wrong, the above mentioned I would have embraced wholeheartedly. Nevertheless I am able and willing to accept what we have been given as the more realistic story to be told by this show. 

And therefore, while sad and still crying a random tear or two, I am also strangely content. 

Listen, let me tell you this. I have been a TV show nerd for more than 20 years, which is the better part of my life. I have over a hundred shows on that list, and I have loved many of them fiercely and passionately. And I assure you -- not many ended the way I wanted them to. Some disappointed, some had a nice enough ending I could live with, even if it wasn’t perfect in my opinion. A handful were perfect (Farscape, The Mentalist, TVD come to mind).

What I need all of you to make peace with is the fact that at the end of the day, and no matter how much it has changed our lives, it is just a TV show, created and written to reach the biggest possible audience and earn a lot of people money. 

Let us all enjoy our perfect little meta, fan-fantasy world; that’s totally fine, and absolutely legitimate. But every once in a while, stop and remind yourself that this is not a gift to us, but commercial programming. 

The real world out there is not perfect, it never  will be. And as long as we remember that, we’ll find peace and happiness in what we are given. 

We are the Supernatural Family, after all - the greatest and most special fan community that has ever existed. Let us be proud of that - and let us be proud of the show that gave us that. 

[theexecutionerssong]

Hey Gaëlle ! Est-ce-que tu aurais des recommendations de fic Destiel ? Sans trop de smut, surtout pas beta/Omega (c'est même plus du smut à ce niveau-là...) et beaucoup de pining ? ( Je devrai être en train de réviser mes partiels d'ailleurs... 😅). Merci beaucoup ! 😌

Hellooo ! Alors tu as frappé à la bonne porte parce que je lis jamais de smut, ou alors quand c’est dans des longues fics, je passe juste ces passages là. (mais j’aime beaucoup les fic a/b/o qui ont pas de smut, parce que les sentiments sont quintuplés donc pining + angst on a whole other level). Y’a peu de fluff dans mes fics préférées, love me some angsty life and death moments, mais ça finit toujours bien. Enfin. Vérifie les tags quand même :)))) J’ai mis les liens, si y’a pas c’est qu’elles ont été supprimées mais j’ai les pdf donc hit me up.Et révise tes partiels !!!!

CANON

A turn of the earth -https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138552/chapters/11825306

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

Probably my favorite fic set in Canon. It’s set around season 11, and I love how we dive into Dean’s past pre-series and then as time goes by, we catch up with the show timeline’s. It’s incredibly well written.

525,600 Minutes - https://archiveofourown.org/works/507228/chapters/892693

A man wakes up alone on the streets of Detroit. Lost and somehow forgotten, he's dressed in blood-soaked clothing without memories and without a name.

This is his journey to find it.

It was first published in 2012 set after s5, but it was rewritten last year. I still have the old version for nostalgia’s sake but the new version is even better. It’s got some amnesia so great for pining :))))

The inexhaustible silence of houses -https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh.

But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

Listen, I cried. I cried SO MUCH. There was a lil fandom war going on for a time between which was the hardest, this one or Twist and Shout, and both destroy me completely. But this one is set in canon and closer to the characters, to me, so I’ll always recommend this one first (unless you want a happy ending, in which case, don’t read it)

Only if for a night - https://archiveofourown.org/works/826303

Castiel is captured by a djinn. Dean goes slightly crazy, and Cas discovers a thing or two about himself.

I’m a sucker for Dean/Cas in Djinn verse and this one is by far my favorite.

The Bird That Feels The Light (not slash) https://archiveofourown.org/works/210860

AU from 5.18 (or thereabouts). Castiel awakens in the middle of a smoking crater, stranded and very much human. According to the people who have discovered him, it’s six months to the day after Michael and Lucifer faced off on the field of battle outside of Detroit, and Castiel isn’t the only one to have returned. When, at his insistence, they take him to this other person, he finds a child –a little boy– and realizes that, contrary to all his expectations, he has been reunited with Dean Winchester. The world has changed in their absence, and not for the better. Sam is gone, whether dead or simply missing is uncertain. Castiel is given the name of a man in Idaho who may have answers for him. He is faced with the task of travelling cross-country with Dean, who is dependent on him now in ways he never was before, in order to discover the truth. But along the way, as he and Dean learn to know and trust each other once more, Castiel begins to realize that the answers he thought he wanted might not be the ones he needs.

It’s not slash at all since Dean is a kid but I’ve read it probably about 20 times and I still love it as the first time. There’s just something about human Castiel carrying a 4 year old Dean across the world and fighting monsters and demons and humans to survive that gets to me.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - https://archiveofourown.org/works/747324

Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number. (They speak in the language of need.) A post-08.17 Goodbye, Stranger story.

If you want pining, this one is definitely for you.

Last Man Standing - https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8363328/1/Last-Man-Standing

This one is set just after the season 7 finale, it’s a Purgatory fic with so.much.pining I always need to hold a pillow to my chest when I read it or I go insane sdfghjkl I haven’t read it in probably 4 years but I remember absolutely loving it.

Outrun my gun - https://archiveofourown.org/works/281887/chapters/448388

"The two of you are so stubborn you've made Heaven blink." Finally convinced that Sam and Dean will never say yes and accept their destinies, Heaven and Hell come up with a new plan, one that will redraw the Apocalypse and make everything run much more smoothly. All they need is Dean Winchester's soul.

Don’t mind the MCD tag, it’s got a happy ending. Also a classic set in canon, it’s from 2011 so quite oldish but it’s incredible how the characterization is on point. Love love love it.

AU

Tramps Like Us

Dean Winchester's life is falling apart. He's lost his job, his apartment, and his brother, all in one day. He seems to break everything he touches. Frustrated and alone, he drives off into the night with no idea where he's headed. But then he meets Castiel Novak, a quiet and reclusive man with a haunted past, and suddenly he finds himself with a very specific destination in mind.

I feel like everyone has read Tramps Like Us but just in case, I’ll put it on the list. Not sure what I can say that hasn’t been said by half this website already but well… it deserves the hype.

Til The Last - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001935/chapters/1984189

When the war came, Dean Winchester was determined that he was not going to get involved. He had more important things to worry about than some rich man’s fight. He had work on the farm and he had taking care of his family. Nothing else was worth his worry. But in August in the Year of Our Lord 1863, when the soldiers came knocking, they weren’t asking. They dragged Dean away. 

Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids. When Dean is drafted into the Confederate army, to what lengths will Castiel go to ensure that Dean makes it back home alive?

OH BOY. OHHHHH I could talk about that one until the day I die. It’s a complete AU but it has great parallels to canon, it’s incredibly well written, humanity in all it’s ugly truth and “I will fight for you ‘til the last, Dean Winchester” jesus christ it’s so good, so good

Out of the Deep - https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

I love everything she writes but I think this one if my favorite. It’s sooooo long, and angsty as fuck but all ends well and it has some very fluffy moments. If you’re into this kinf of AU then 100% go for it.

To Raise a King - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961403

This must be some kind of horrible joke at Castiel’s expense. Is he truly expected to protect a King? One who has been their enemy for as long as he can remember? He is much more suited to being a part of the army, or at the very least someone who helps to train the knights. That would be far more preferred than having to watch over the King. It means Castiel would get to keep fighting – and that’s the only way he knows to give meaning to his life.

An AU too, Cas is tasked to watch over Sam and Dean -there’s an 8 year age difference between Dean and Cas. I loved it because it’s set over about 15 years and Cas is asexual and I love time period AU in general :’)

Painted Angels https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085792

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

This one is hard to read because for the most part, it’s heartbreaking. There are happy flashbacks all along but it’s still hard when what happens in the present it’s a fucking tragedy. But I would still read it a thousand times over, and the timestamp completely make up for all the pining and the angst. It’s rare to find fics that last an entire lifetime.

[jiminthestreets-bonesinthesheets]

Slash Fiction - Ch 3

Title: Slash Fiction 

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Destiel (there will be more)

Rating: Lemon (for the series as a whole)

Tags: fluff, angst, pining, canon typical violence and gore

MASTERLIST

AO3

SERIES LIST  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter three

     “And who are you?”

     “I’m Sera,” she pointed to her name written on the registry paper, “it says so right there.”

     “I know that's your name,” Carter rolled his eyes, “who are you supposed to be from the books? Are you trying to be Meg? Bella? Lisa?”

     She gave him a look of annoyance and answered again, “I’m Sera! Sera Wesson!”

     Carter shook his head, “There's no one named Sera Wesson in the books.”

     “The hell do you mean there's no Sera?” She snatched their proof of registration form from him then turned to Sam and Dean waiting behind her. “Where is Chuck? I need to have a few words with him.”

     “Why?” Dean asked.

     “I have been living with you two for over a year now, and I’m still not in the books?! The hell is that all about?!”

     Dean rolled his eyes as Vincent entered the lobby and got everyone's attention. “Good evening everyone. I would like to welcome you all to tonight's hunt, and I do hope that everyone received the rules and guidelines from Carter at the front desk when you registered.” The collective yes from the group was enough as he continued. “Excellent! You all know what you are playing for, a one hundred dollar gift card to red lobster graciously provided by the author, mister Carver Edlund. And without further adieu, I wish you all the best of luck, and may the best hunters win.” He pointed to Carter by the doors, who then turned and locked them, “Let the hunt begin.”

     And with those last words everyone around them ran off in different directions. 

     “So where should we start?” Sera asked, turning to the boys to huddle, “We haven't been to the third floor yet.”

     “Yeah, let’s start there,” Dean nodded and they made their way towards the elevators.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     “There's no EMF up here either,” Sera was about ready to throw the thing out the window, “are you sure it's not broken?”

     “It's not broken,” Dean tossed over his shoulder, “I used it last week for that haunting in Minnesota, it's fine.”

     “Okay,” she made a face and tucked it back in her pocket, “I don't really know what else to do here, and nothing has happened since Jerry's death. No sightings, no other killings, so maybe we are barking up the wrong tree guys. Maybe we should just go home.”

     “She might be right, Sammy,” Dean shrugged, “maybe Bobby got this one wrong.”

     “He's never sent us in the wrong direction before,” Sam furrowed his brows.

     “First time for everything I guess,” she placed a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sad smile, “let's just wait out the game and then head back to the motel and call Bobby.”

     “Yeah, I guess there's nothing more we can do here.”

     The three made their way down, stopping on the second floor just to be completely sure. But save for a couple of Sam’s, Dean’s, and the occasional Cas running through the halls, there was really nothing supernatural going on anywhere in the building. 

     “Hey,” Sam grabbed their attention as they were about to turn the corner to head back to the elevators, “did any of you check this room?”

     They all turned to a room tucked in a hidden corner by the emergency exit, the door was slightly open, but none of them had seen it the last time. Dean and Sera shook their heads and the three of them slowly crept inside. 

     It was just a small office with a desk at the back and a smaller desk off to the side, where a young girl sat typing away at a computer, not paying them any mind. Dean and Sam looked to Sera who quietly pulled the EMF meter from her pocket and shook her head. 

     “Excuse me,” a voice from behind them startled them all and they backed out of the doorway, “sorry guys, there's no clues in here for the game, it's just my office.”

     The blonde woman moved past them, stopping at the girl sitting at the desk to run a hand over her hair and ask, “You okay, Natasha?”

     The kid just nodded her head, completely focused on the computer in front of her, and the woman moved on to sort papers at her desk. 

     The three of them stepped in and Sam moved forwards to explain, “We’re not actually here for the game, we’re agents. We have been here for the last two days investigating the-”

     The woman placed a finger over her mouth stopping Sam, then looked over to the girl, “I’m sorry, I don't want her to know.” Sam nodded as the woman moved around the desk to talk quietly with them. “Vincent did tell me about three agents that had stopped in yesterday, but I'm not sure there's too much else I can tell you. It seems that everyone is stumped and no one has any new leads.”

     “The night it happened, were you here?”

     She nodded to Sam, “I had to stay late that night to get some paperwork finished, but when I left Jerry was still alive.”

     “Were you on the second floor at any point that day? Did you see anything strange?”

     “I had gone up to the second floor earlier that morning to grab some files, but for the rest of the day I was using the office behind the desk downstairs, and there was nothing out of the ordinary. Just a regular day.” She then looked over to the girl. “Natasha’s father disappeared when she was two and so most afternoons she's here with me, doing her homework because I have no one else to watch her. She loves this place, but after what happened I don't know if I can continue running it, and I don't want her to know anything about it. I’m happy to help you agents, but I don't want her to know about Jerry’s death.”

     “Can I talk to her?” Sera asked, “I won't bring up the case, I just wanna talk.”

     “As long as you don't mention what happened to Jerry, then it's fine.”

     Sera nodded in confirmation then walked over to kneel beside the girl. “Hi, you're Natasha right?” The girl nodded, still not looking away from the computer. “My name’s, Sera. Are you working on some homework?”

     “Mmhmm,” the girl hummed and nodded.

     “What class is it for?”

     “It's for creative writing,” the girl stopped typing for the first time since they got there and eyed Sera cautiously, “I had to write a short story for class last week but I decided to keep writing it. It's seven chapters so far.”

     Sera whistled, “Wow, that's impressive. What are you writing about?”

     The girl looked her over once more, then decided to turn the screen towards her, “It's about a haunted inn. It's called the Michigan Maiden.”

     “Tell me more.”

     The girl shifted in her seat and continued, “The inn’s being haunted by this spirit that was killed there hundreds of years before. She wanders the halls of the inn at night and kills her victims as they pass her alone in the hallways. She was killed by her husband, so she always attacks men, and she was killed on the third day of the third month so she always kills every three days.”

     “You've really thought this out,” Sera nodded, impressed, “this is definitely something I would read.”

     “You can if you want,” Natahsa said as she pushed the computer towards Sera, “it's not finished but you can read what I've got, and I can work on my math homework while you read.”

     “I would love to.”

     Sera grabbed the laptop and sat up against the wall to begin to read. They were stuck in here until the game was over anyways so she might as well occupy herself somehow.

     When Sam and Dean had finished talking to Amanda, Dean walked over and knelt in front of her to whisper, “Hey, Sam and I are gunna take another look around, just to be damn sure we didn't miss anything. You stay here with them in case anything goes down.”

     She nodded to Dean, already deep into the story and he added, “You got your gun and some iron just in case?”

     She lifted her jacket and showed him both tucked inside and he nodded, got up, and left the room with Sam.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     It had been about two hours since Sam and Dean had left her, and she was about halfway through Natasha's story when something in the writing hit her. Something familiar, something that should not have been in there. 

     Getting up she walked the laptop over to Amanda at her desk and quietly asked, “Amanda, you said Natasha doesn't know anything about Jerry's death, right?”

     “I made sure that everyone knew not to say anything to her at all, why?”

     “And you're sure there's no way she could have found out on her own?” Sera asked, still scrolling through the section of writing she was looking at.

     “No, there's no way. We barely have time to watch tv, and I have her computer blocked from certain things,” Amanda sent a worried look at Sera, “Why? What's wrong?”

     Sera ignored her and walked over to where Natasha was doing her math homework at the desk and placed the laptop beside her, “When did you write this part of the story?”

     Natasha looked at the screen then back to Sera, “About six days ago.”

     Sera then turned back to Amanda who was now standing behind Sera and her daughter, shuffling nervously, “Have you read this?”

    “No,” she shook her head, “she's usually very secretive when she writes, I don't usually get to read anything until she's finished it. I was surprised she let you read it.”

     “Has she ever written anything like this before? Horrors and hauntings?”

     “Not usually, she mostly writes happy endings,” Amanda raised a brow, “she said this time she wanted to try something different. Agent, is there something wrong?”

     Sera ignored her question once again and knelt back down beside Natasha, “You said that the spirit in your story kills every three days right?” Natasha nodded, and Sera started mumbling to herself. “You wrote this first part six days ago, the first incident happened three days ago, that means tonight’s the sixth night… what was the last thing you wrote?”

     Natasha grabbed the laptop and scrolled to the bottom of the document then turned it back to Sera. She quickly skimmed her eyes over the last few paragraphs of the writing, eyes wide as she was reading. Then she suddenly jumped up and ran out the door of the office.

     “Agent!?” Amanda called after her, chasing her out the door, “Agent, what's going on?”

     “Stay in the office!” Amanda ignored her and followed her through the halls, and as she ran she took her phone from her pocket and dialed Dean.

~~~~~~~~~~~

     “Has anyone seen Erik?” 

     A blonde man with spiked up hair, dressed like Dean, was walking through the lobby with a taller dark haired man dressed like Sam. Both looking frantic. 

     Sam tapped Dean’s shoulder pointing them out and they walked over to them, “You guys alright?”

     “No,” the one dressed as Dean answered, “we can't find my boyfriend Erik!”

     “Alright,” Dean placed his hands on his shoulders to calm him down, “he couldn’t have gone far, where did you last see him?”

     “We were on the third floor,” the boy thought, “we turned the corner towards the elevators and suddenly Erik wasn't there. But he was right behind us before that, it's not like him to just disappear like this!”

     “Did you call him,” Sam asked.

     The boy nodded, “He's not answering, which also isn't like him.”

     “Are you sure he isn't in the bathroom? Bar maybe?” 

     “No,” the boy shook his head firmly, “he wouldn’t just disappear like that without telling me. Something’s wrong.”

     “Okay, what does he look like?” Dean asked.

     The boy gestured at Dean, “he's about your height, dark hair, blue eyes, he's dressed like Castiel.”

     Deans phone went off in his pocket, he saw that it was Sera and Sam nodded to him to let him know he’d take over. He stepped off to the side and answered, “Everything okay?”

     “You need to get to the third floor now!”

     “What's going on?! Are you alright?!”

     “I'm on my way there now, you need to hurry!”

     She hung up the phone and Dean turned to Sam, grabbing his arm and pulling him along. He looked to the two boys and commanded, “Wait here, don't move!”

     Dean and Sam ran towards the elevators but there was already a large line forming there, and in a last ditch effort used the emergency stairs in the corner of the building. They were at the third floor in less than a minute, pushing through the doors and found Sera face to face with a woman in a black silk dress. She was clearly a spirit, but when Sam took the EMF meter out of his pocket, he showed it to Dean and shook his head.

     Dean eyed the machine and then Sam, “What the hell?!”

     As they turned back to the spirit, or whatever it was, it grabbed Sera and threw her aside. Dean and Sam tried to run to Sera but were also thrown against the wall before they could reach her. 

     Amanda came running around the corner then with Natasha on her heels, and she also stopped dead when she saw the scene before her. Sera got up as fast as she could and ushered them back the way they came before Natasha could see anything. “Take Natasha back to the office and lock the door, only let me in, go!”

     Once they were gone and out of harm's way for the moment, Sera turned back to it just in time to see it vanish into thin air.

     “Where’d it go?” She looked over to Sam and Dean.

     “More importantly,” Sam groaned as he rolled over to get up, “why did it leave without even attempting to finish us off.���

     Sera stared at him for a second before her eyes went wide, “I think I know why…”

     She walked past them and turned the corner, they quickly got up to follow her and all of them had no words. The woman had claimed another victim. 

     “She did it,” Sera muttered, “she killed her next victim, she didn't have to stick around to fight us. That's why she left. Bobby was right, this is our kind of job.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

                                   PREVIOUS      NEXT

A/N: Wow, its been a while! But the plus side is that this part of the series is complete so I promise I will make sure I post more frequently! XD And of course if you or anyone you know wants to be tagged for future updates, let me know! <3 Tags: @kitsunecastiel 

[mittensmorgul]

Hey mittens! I have a new friend on tumblr who is struggling. She wants to be a writer but her fics aren't being seen. She's frustrated. She wants to give up. I've given her the best advice I can give. I'm a small blog but I keep writing all the time. Trying to give her advice, but not sure what else I can do. She's in her mid twenties, lives at home, doesn't have a job or a car but desperately wants to. She's stuck and needs help. What else can I do and what advice would you give? Thank you!

Heck, I have no idea. D:

Write good? >.>

(haaaaa three hours after I started typing this, with the intent of replying privately, I’ve officially invested too much time in it not to post it… under a cut for length, and because I have officially run out of mental energy and real-world time for dealing with it for today…)

I mean, I see advice all the time on how to get seen/noticed around here, and half the advice conflicts with the other half. It’s hard to even guess what worked for anyone sometimes.

There’s networks she could join (I have no idea how networks work, and I’ve been here nine years, so someone who actually uses networks would probably be better to ask about how to do that, but I do know that the point of them is for a group of people to see/reblog member works, so that might help her get noticed).

There’s also things like Profound Bond and Writers of Destiel. These are discord groups, but they both have a tumblr presence (especially @profoundnet which she could look into.) They run challenges, have a really vibrant community over on discord with hundreds of members, and regularly reblog member works on tumblr.

Plus, making friends, working with beta readers or other writing partners will help find new friends and followers who will help spread her works, too. Volunteering to beta read when a “bigger” writer puts out a call can also help– not only in building friendships with other authors but also gaining experience with writing as well as editing.

Interacting with other authors on tumblr, reblogging their work and commenting– even if it’s just “OH GOSH I LOVE THIS” kind of stuff– ESPECIALLY with other “smaller writers” and thereby spreading the word around about each other’s writing will help grow up a community around all of you.

None of us started out popular, you know? And “popularity�� is definitely a relevant term. When I started writing fic, I lucked into a situation that I attempted to recreate with the Christmas collaboration thingy I ran, but ouch that proved to be way more work than I really had the time or energy for. I’d be happy to help others run that type of collab and offer advice, but heck if I’ll ever do one myself again. :P

A lot of fic challenges are a good way for new writers to get noticed, too. There’s a TON of challenges out there. Now, something like the DCBB or one of the other larger and more established challenges might not be the easiest place for a newbie writer to cut their teeth. There is A LOT that goes into challenges that newbies are just not prepared for (rules, deadlines, etc., because knowing how to write, edit, and post on a concrete deadline where others are relying on you to know what you’re doing without needing an undue amount of help from the mods isn’t something you want to learn on the fly in a high-pressure situation like that… there’s an assumption when signing up for something like the DCBB or the Pinefest that in doing so, a writer is CERTAIN that their skills– including TIME MANAGEMENT and the ability to collaborate with an artist and follow all the rules (YES, ALL OF THE RULES) and meet every deadline– are up to the task.

So, that said, I’d highly recommend some of the other smaller, more laid-back fandom challenges. There’s new ones popping up all the time, and a lot of them are geared toward specific types of fic (canon fic, certain tropes, etc.), so there’s a built-in audience for their work. Not to mention that in smaller challenges there’s actually more room for exposure, and not having your work drowned in a flood of hundreds of other long works, potentially many of them by already established authors, coming out in the same time period. Readers are literally spoiled for choice in those situations, and an “untested” author posting a 20k+ fic might fall by the wayside while “guaranteed thing” authors works get more attention, you know? Readers have a limited amount of time they can commit to reading, and with SO many choices available, are actually more likely go for the “tried and true” author they’re already familiar with before investing in an unknown author. Profound Bond is just starting the @casdeanflipfest, for example, with a smaller wordcount minimum, and therefore a more reasonable length work for readers to take a risk on an author they’re not familiar with. I might not have time, as a reader, to invest in every 60k fic that crosses my dash, but I will drop everything to read a 5k fic for half an hour, you know?

There’s also event-specific tags that offer opportunities to be seen by a wider audience. For example, for the last few days, the DCBB folks have been encouraging folks to tag Valentine’s Day themed works #dcvday. This is a very laid-back and casual way to put your works out to an audience who’s looking for exactly that type of thing, you know? Other situation-specific tags like this happen frequently (like Dean’s birthday fic, or the Destiel Anniversary fic, or holiday fic, for example).

There’s also fic collections. For example, right now the @destieltropecollection is collecting fics for this year’s lists: http://destieltropecollection.tumblr.com/post/182800717844/destieltropecollection-destiel-trope-collection. If you have fic that fits into any of these tropes, fill out the form and submit them to be added to the masterpost. They’ll be posted in May, a different trope’s list each day. People looking for that specific trope will have a handy list, and you can reach a whole new audience that way. :)

Take writing prompts, if that’s something you’re comfortable doing. People with cute lil fic ideas will LOVE you for fleshing out their ideas and turning them into something beautiful. Or GIVE writing prompts to other authors who accept them. You never know what sort of creative collaboration that might spark. If you have a fic idea based on someone’s post, by all means TALK TO THAT PERSON! Express your excitement about their idea, ask if it’s okay to turn their little headcanon or writing prompt into a longer fic, and I can almost guarantee that the original poster will be THRILLED.

Take fan art as writing prompts, as well! As much as authors Die Of Squee if an artist is inspired to draw something from one of our fics, ARTISTS ARE EQUALLY FILLED WITH SQUEE if you’re inspired to write fic based on their art. Just, if you do this, please please PLEASE actually communicate privately with the author or artist in question before you do anything with it. Make it clear you’re writing out of love for their thing, and not in a selfish grab for attention, you know? Otherwise it feels a little too much like stealing. It’s a fine line, but it’s all a matter of perception to everyone involved. That communication and collaboration is key.

That said, I think 99% of it all is pure luck. But because of that first challenge I did, the next fic I posted was (miraculously!) reviewed by destielfanfic, which I don’t think is the sort of exposure most authors get on their first long fic… This was also early 2015, when there was a sort of Boom Market for fic, and I don’t even think the atmosphere for fandom is still exactly the same, you know? It feels a lot more decentralized, and a lot of the “big writers” from back then have left the fandom entirely, or else don’t write much at all anymore.

But fandom is a cyclical thing like that. People come and go, popularity rises and falls. I think my best advice is to develop friendships with people who are in that same general region of that arc as you are, you know? Build a community, support each other.

I see bitter posts all the time about how “popular” people don’t want to support newcomers, and “elite cliques” of folks are conspiring to hold on to their popularity by keeping others down, and that’s just bullshit. The little group of people I generally hang in tumblr circles with have been my friends for years, at this point. Most of us are kinda stunned that we’re all still around, you know? We all showed up around the same time, and went through these sorts of struggles together. We’re still here, and most of us recognize that we’re only considered “popular” at all by attrition. We survived while other folks rage-quit the show or the fandom. I know that’s not a particularly encouraging-sounding bit of advice, but that’s literally how the vast majority of us got recognized. We just… didn’t quit.

I was blogging on this dumb site for four years before anyone really started to notice me. (and I still know that the perception of my personal popularity FAR outweighs my actual popularity, you know? I’m not one of the elite 1% of writers around here, and I know it, and I’m perfectly fine with that. I don’t post long fic serially, and that shows in my total hit counts on AO3. Serial posting artificially inflates hit counts, and keeps works at the top of the results page week after week, and I’d personally just rather post a complete fic to stand on its own. But that’s a dilemma for another post.) Then again, I started out mostly reading meta and squealing about the show, occasionally commenting, asking questions, or adding my thoughts to posts. I learned the lay of the land, so to speak (who was receptive to these sorts of additions and conversations starting on their posts and who wasn’t, and the social conventions surrounding it all), while lurking and not even really trying to get noticed. I made friends with people before I ever started writing fic.

(but I also have a background in original fiction writing, so I already knew quite a lot about author culture in general, and had a lot of experience writing myself before I started to write fic, which likely helped me personally quite a bit. I was able to jump into writing chat groups and had a bit of writing cred even before I published a single fic, because I’d been writing original novels and had already cultivated a group of “Professional Author Friends,” participated in writing critique groups (which comprise Alpha and Beta Reading in fanfic writing circles), and therefore knew how those social circles functioned, you know? I mean, some of the authors from my “Professional Author Friends” circle, who I’ve been friendly with for more than a decade now, have gone on to Big Things in Publishing. And clearly I never did… aah health crises that knocked me off that train. But I realized I’m happier writing fic, without all the pressures that come from professional publishing, so I still consider it a personal win. But I was able to take a lot of that knowledge and experience with networking and building communities with me and transfer it to fandom, so I know my experience is not everyone’s experience.)

I think the main key thing is to create that sort of community. A lot of new writers go directly to the perceived “most popular” authors in fandom, as if they somehow held the key to understanding how to become more popular, or expecting the “popular” bloggers to “pay it forward” and give them a hand up (whether it be through asking questions or reblogging their fic posts, beta reading for them or whatever it may be). But even there, there’s a limit to pretty much everyone’s time, in a real-life sort of fashion. The more popular or widespread an author’s works become, the more up and coming writers will also see their work, and I get how people want to hitch themselves to that, you know?

Not to mention, most of us are entirely baffled by being thought of as popular writers. And again, I’m still sort of on the fringe of that kind of Big Fandom Popularity myself, and still kinda baffled as to how I got here.

But we’re all just people, with limited amounts of time to engage with other people, and a limited number of spoons in our respective drawers for social engagement. I do TRY to do what I can, but between beta reading for my already-established writing buddies (which I still only have limited time for, I AM SO SORRY ELMIE I SEE THE THINGS AND WANT TO READ THE THINGS BUT I CAAAAAAAN’T AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT OKAY?!), and still want to engage with current canon and write and read meta about it, and still want to actually write my own fic, not to mention helping to run the Pinefest (even though Cass does the bulk of the behind the scenes work, I take on a lot of the day to day general upkeep of it all) and still have to engage with reality and my human family that I live with and like… pay my bills and cook dinner and all that boring shit, not to mention coping with those chronic illnesses that knocked me off the Professional Paid Writer train in the first place… it’s not easy to balance out, you know?

It’s not so much a function of “I got mine, so screw you.” I just needed to make that clear, since I’ve seen that sentiment bandied about recently (again), and it’s just insulting. I think the main takeaway here is that Fandom is a Baffling Ordeal, and the key to winning in any way is to build up a community around yourself. If you want to achieve success as a writer, push yourself to write better. Find people you trust to beta read for you. And maybe most importantly, never “promote” your own work with negativity.

I see way too many writers who add notes to their work like, “ugh this is probably terrible.” Just… never do that. Have confidence in yourself, love your own writing, or at least present it with enthusiasm, if you ever expect anyone else to take that risk and read your words, you know?

So really? It boils down to perseverance, networking, and putting in the work to become the best writer you can, with no small portion of sheer luck. There’s no secret magical formula to success, aside from building a community that makes you happy. I’ve discovered that people are really attracted to happiness and positive energy, you know?

Heck I’m worn out just from spending five hours on this post now, in between Real Life Adulting I needed to take care of for an hour. I hope it all makes sense, but I’m gonna go surf my dash for a while and hopefully recover enough brain power to do the rest of the stuff I need to today D:

[flyingcatstiel]

Rules: Always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, then write 10 questions of your own, and tag 10 other people.

Tagged by @procasdeanating  

Thank you for tagging me! Let’s have some TMI time on this blog for all my lovely followers. 

1. If you could start a one week vacation tomorrow, where would you go?  London, probably? Never have been to an English speaking country. 

2. What skill do you have that would come handy in an apocalyptic world? When I was a child, I spent a bunch of summers on my grandparents’ farm. There’s only electricity and radio, no running water or plumbing, or TV. So, I’d like to think that I’m mentally prepared to live in a world with very basic utilities. 

3. Favorite episode last season? Um. OK, here’s the deal. I watched SPN on a very crappy stream, so crappy that I actually skipped couple of Cas-less episodes because I didn’t want to upset my laptop. So, [goes to Wiki to check s12 episode list], ok, I see. I think I'll stick to Cas’ eps, 12x10 and 12x12. I’ll have better answer after I get my hands on s12 DVD set. 

4. Can you play an instrument or do you plan to learn? Can’t play, no plans to learn. 

5. Raspberries or strawberries? Fresh strawberries, raspberry jam. 

6. Who do you want to see brought back in the Alternative Universe next season? This is like an exercise in representation. Do I want back my awesome ladies (Jo, Ellen, Charlie, Billie) or do I want my POC chars (Gordon, Rufus, Kevin) or should I keep my wishes secret in case they’re brought back and killed off again (hello Sarah B and Joshua)? In that case, ghostbusters. You can bring them back and kill them. And I still cling to hope that Eileen is actually alive in this universe. Please don’t bring her back in AU and set up a romance with Sam. People are not interchangeable . 

7. First movie you saw at a cinema? Ouch, that was a very long time ago. I’ll go with the first movie that made me to go to the cinema to see it for the second time. It’s an old Russian movie “Hussar Ballad” about a girl dressing up in boys clothes and joining Russian army to fight Napoleon. Come to think of it, little me already had an anonymity kink back then. Huh. Also, “My Fair Lady” made a huge impression when I saw it on the big screen (hello teacher/student kink!). Please note, these movies are bloody old and I DIDN’T see them when they’re first released, omg, I’m not that ancient. I saw reruns in cinema much, much later. To show how non-linear my “movies at the cinema” timeline is - I saw Disney’s The Little Mermaid roughly when it was released, which happened only couple of years after I saw Disney’s “Snow white” for the first time ever and in the cinema. 

8. Favorite version of Cas? I’ll go with original Cas. The one we met in 4x01 and lost in 12x23. I’m here for his journey, for his character development. I mean, I also love steve!cas but that was only one episode and I needed moar of human Cas in s9.

9. If you could choose a song as a music cue next season, what would it be and for which scene would you use it? No idea. I’m not very well versed in recent music trends. 

10. This weekend is VanCon. What question would you ask the cast if you were there? You. Don’t want. Me. To ask them questions. I’m still too bitter about everything. I’d end up asking something like - it took only four years, killing a reaper, almost dying and confessing his love to the Winchesters for Cas to finally get a room in the bunker. Who’s idea it was to give Cas a room and who did the actual giving, Sam or Dean? Or was it Mary? So, let’s go with a simple question, and if somebody knows the answer, please tell me, I honestly don’t know -  what is Misha’s status in season 13? Is he regular with usual 10-11 eps (or less) or a guest star? 

My ten questions:

1. How many languages do you speak? List them, even if still learning or already forgetting.  2. Favorite Dean/Cas moment on the show? 3. Favorite fanfic tropes in destiel fics? 4. Fruit or vegetable you don’t like (mango is not an acceptable answer, pick another one) 5. Tell me about a destiel fic you’ve read recently and really enjoyed. [please include title, author and link] 6. Which one of your own (recent) fan works (fic, art, gif set, vid, side blog, etc) you are proud of? If you don’t have any, give a shout out to a (recent) fan work that you really loved. [any fandom, please include title, creator and link] 7. Recommend me a new TV show to take my mind of SPN. Tell me why it will help.  8. Are you going to watch season 13 of Supernatural? If not, when did you stop watching the show? (I’d love to know why but you don’t have to justify your decision) 9. Cats or dogs? 10. What is your happy ending for Cas on the show?

Feel free to ignore this but hey, this hiatus is kinda boring! Please tag me if you answer and I’ll reblog everything -  @no-gorms, @kyrie101, @purgatory-jar @whelvenwings, @thebloggerbloggerfun, @thestoryinsideme, @hannibalstan, @unforth-ninawaters, @justanearth-boundmisfit, @some-people-call-it-tragic @destielonfire

and back atcha - @procasdeanating!

[midnightmemory66]

The 11 Get To Know me Tag

i've been tagged (once again) by my wonderful friend, @eubii

thanks, sista <3

Rules: 1. Always post the rules 2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you 3. Write 11 questions of your own 4. Tag 11 people

1. Do you have any kind of mental illness? nothing that i know of, honestly. my friends probably think otherwise, but no, no metal illnesses :>

2. How did you find tumblr? oh d0000d, i actually have no idea.. i guess i saw tumblr posts someplace like we <3 it and i thought it was interesting so i joined and i have been hooked ever since

3. Pineapple on pizza or not? YES!!! DEFINITELY!!! IF THERE IS ONE USE FOR PINEAPPLES, IT'S TO PUT THEM ON PIZZAS

4. Best place to be? dunno man, wherever i'm comfortable i guess? sometimes it's my bed, sometimes it's outside, it differs really. but i guess if i had to choose one place, it would be my home <3

5. Do you write? i try to, yes, but i'm really bad at it and i don't usually finish anything so yeah, there's that..

6. What makes you happy? oh, that's a good one ^u^

one thing for sure is music. i don't think there's even a word that woukld describe how happy music makes me. probably like solid 45% if my happiness is music. other 45% is my girlfriend, she makes me super duper happy and is just as important for my overall happiness as music. the rest are just things such as friends, books, art (even tho really shitty) and other stuff

7. What was your first fandom? damn, actually not sure at all.. i guess you could say the one direction fandom? if we're talking like "proper" fandoms, that is. but i actually consider my first fandom the supernatural fandom, so that counts as well, hopefully

8. What was the first band you were fan of? man, that might actually be the jonas brothers.. i mean, i basically grew up on disney, so it would make sense

9. Did you ever do something that made you think all of your friends hated you? happens to me all the time, tbh. like.. whether it's saying something wrong or doing something disappointing and such. it sucks, but yeah..

10. What are you afraid of? life

11. Thunderstorms or Sunshine? thunderstorm. even though i love those kinda aesthetic sunny photos, grey, gloomy days with thunders and lightning bolts are my favorite as they represent my life and soul

12. God or the devil? neither? i guess? is that an option? well, it is now

13. TCC (teacher crush community) or TCC (true crime community): What do you think of the relationship between them? whut? i'm sorry i have no idea what that is, and to be quite honest, neither sounds like something i'd be exactly interested in

14. Rain or thunderstorm? both at the same time <3 but i will have to go with rain, if i'm not walking to school at the time, that is :D

15. Love+hate or complete boredom, but without hate? totally love+hate. i can't stand boredom and it wouldn't be fun without hate anyways

16. A war for the right moral or no war but a bad government? as much as i hate wars and shit.. i don't think it's a good idea to have a shitty government. plus, if the war actually did lead to better morals, that would be amazing, so i would take risk

17. Nietzsche or Kant? i only know nietzsche, so i can't really compare, but i do like nietzsche so i'm just gonna say him

18. MBTI or Hogwarts House test? i love, love, LOVE, both, but sadly, hogwarts have to go. the thing is, the hogwarts house test is very limited and doesn't really tell you much about you as a person, whereas mbti tests are divided into much more smaller groups that really tell you things about your own self, some that you wouln't exactly expect yourself to have, but do end up relating to most of the time, and that's the main reason why i'm choosing mbti tests

19. Swearing or puns? generally speaking, i like puns more, but i use swear words more. most of the time because my language is dumb and isn't exactly.. suitable for making puns. PRAISE ENGLISH AMEN

20. Psychopathy or sociopathy? probably sociopathy, since it's way less harmful than psychopathy, for the most part. i do enjoy fictional psychopaths though, for example our lovely teacher, jeffershit <3

21. Family or friends? somehow, i have a bettter relationship with my friends (?) i dunno why, i just feel way more comfortable around them when it comes to really personal stuff and that's one of the main reasons why i'm choosing friends over family

22. Sheriarty or Destiel? DESTIEL!!!!! I'M SORRY ERBI, BUT DESTIEL IS JUST MY THANG

23. What is your biggest obsession right now? (Whether a book, song, character, could be anything really!)

currently, i have to say life is strange is my obsession <3

24. Would you say you’re more lawful or chaotic? (according to moral alignment)

i'm a true neutral ^u^

25. Recommend us one song you love!

oh, calamity! by all time low. that song is literally my most favorite song by them and it means a lot to me

26. How do you feel about “more colour more pride” ? (see:https://morecolormorepride.com/)

well, i guess they meant well, but i share the opinion that lgbtq+ should stand for every single member of this community, no matter their race, and i think that if they really wanted to make everything even, they should have added a color for all the races, not just black and brown color (wow, a white is speaking, could you believe that?) okay, no, let's just keep the original pride flag and no one will get hurt

27. Would you say you’re more dominant or submissive? Generally speaking.

i consider myself a fairly submissive person, though i do not mind taking the dominant role

28. What is that one character quality you look for in others?

the ability to listen when i ramble and help when i need it

29. What is that one character quality that repels you?

rudeness and being mean in general. i can't stand that

30. Which language would you love to learn?

ALL THE LANGUAGES!!! but maybe korean? it's a really interesting language, plus i'd love to understang songs without needing captions xD

31. “I wish I were more…”, fill in the gap!

smart, pretty, skinny, talented, likeable, funny, intelligent, useful, more of a better daughter, you name it

32. “I wish I were less…”

stupid, me, emotional, shitty, useless, ugly, alive (sometimes)

33. Write a short message to whoever comes to your mind, you don’t have to address them, just write what would you want to tell them! :)

hi. i guess you will know who you are, you are actually two people i adress this to. thank you. honestly, thank you so freaking much, for what you do for me. thank you for listening to my rants, making me feel somehow better about myself, assuring me people care about me, that what i feel isn't all bad and hopeless, thank you for that. thank you <3

now it's my turn for to write eleven more q's

here goes

1. if you could go back in time and change one moment in your life, would you?

2. do you like popcorn? if yes, what kind is your favorite?

3. which fictional character would you like to spend a day with?

4. you have been offered a lifetime supply of your favorite thing, whatever it is, but you would have to give up one of your most precious memories. what would you do?

5. are you afraid of the dark?

6. have you ever experienced deja vu? what was your reaction?

7. do you like sarcasm?

8. what personality trait would you change about yourself?

9. is there a song you would just send to hell and destroy it forever?

10. have you ever been caught cheating on a test/exam?

11. are you more like your dad or your mom?

again, thank you erbi for tagging me ;>

and as i certainly don't have eleven people to tag, i will just tag anyone who is interested in joining me on this wonderful journey this tag is <3

i would never forget to tag my lovely mom though, right @ayo-jin ?

[inuykago]

tagged by @sakurasubinita and @hireikotsu thank you my lovelies! 💗💘✨

Rules: Choose any three favourite fandoms(in random order) and answer the questions. Then tag some friends.

I choose:

Inuyasha, Supernatural, Pokemon (1997)

The first character you loved:

Inuyasha: Kagome. I immediately adored her from the start. I adored her sassiness and spunk, and even though she was confused on what her role was in the feudal era, she never hesitated to help others and stay strong. That’s my queen.

Supernatural: Sam Winchester. It broke my heart how so much shit went wrong for him… First his mother dies when he was only a couple months old, then his girlfriend. He’s such a precious character that I will always protect at all costs.

Pokemon: Misty. I remember when I was like 6 or something I loved Misty so much because of her love for her pokemon and how she was basically the only main female protagonist in the show and she was so determined to beat Ash and prove her sisters wrong. She is the reason why water pokemon are my favs. 

The character you never expected to love so much:

Inuyasha: Inuyasha. I know a majority of us had to had thought that he was an asshole, especially to Kagome. Whenever he would make rude remarks to her I really wanted to punch my TV. But lord that is my precious hanyou baby boy. My favorite pupper. The way he genuinely loves Kagome and would do anything to protect/save her, as well as for his friends, physically melts my heart. His character development honestly might’ve been the most beautiful one I have ever seen. I love my king. 

Supernatural: Meg. Of course everyone would hate her bc she was a damn demon and when she was first introduced she fcked Sammy over so I was like oh hell no but then when she comes back in another body, she changes and helps out the Winchesters, adores Castiel, and ultimately dies bc she was protecting them. I was sooooooo heartbroken when she died goddamn

Pokemon: James (Team Rocket). Again, he’s the “villian” so obviously being a 6 yr old or whatever I’d naturally hate him, but that one episode where James goes back home and tells his story about his family and growlithe…. That really hit me HARD. My heart hurt so bad for him. 

The character you relate to the most:

Inuyasha: Kagome. dude. Choosing to stay by the side of the love of your life, despite him having leftover feelings for his (own) first love because you love him so damn much and want experience anything and everything with him no matter what. That’s actually kind of my life???? And she taught me so much gurl she is my role model jfc.

Supernatural: Castiel. My poor, sweet angel disobeyed heaven and God and literally just about everyone just to protect his beloved Winchesters (((especially his love Dean))) He’s felt so lost in the world and ran away after feeling like he disappointed Sam and Dean. He acts out on love - literally ME. And plus he is the Angel of Thursday, and I was born on a Thursday :-) 

Pokemon: Ash Ketchum. All he wanted to do was be the very best and fell in love with his bff (Misty)…. I have no further explanation. 

The character you’d slap:

Inuyasha: Hakadoshi. Pissed. me. off. every. single. time.

Supernatural: Azaziel.  F u. ok. Nothing cool about u and you ruined my Winchester boys so fu

Pokemon: No one. I actually loved everyone on the show for the most part :~)

A character you liked at first but not so much anymore:

Inuyasha: Naraku. Tbh in the beginning I thought he was really cool and interesting especially when it was revealed that he was also a hanyou like????? who just loved Kikyo as much as Inuyasha like?!?!?!!???? but then towards the end he got really annoying and just yeah. I still got an amount of love him tho.

Supernatural: Hannah. When she was first working with Cas and they started getting close i was like yes!!! ok!!! I like it!!! Because finally another angel accepted him and didn’t hate him enough to kill him but then, if my memory serves correctly, she betrayed him so therefore SNIP SNIP she out

Pokemon: Tracy. As Brock’s replacement, I didn’t accept him when I was 6 and I certainly do not accept him now. I thought he was alright at first but there was just so spunk from him like Brock

A character you did not like at first, but they’ve grown on you (by a lot):

Inuyasha: Kagura. I hated her. I specifically remember watching the first few episodes she appeared in and I would literally roll my eyes and suck my teeth and say, “This damn bitch” LMAO. But I love her to death for reasons I really don’t even know, all she wanted was freedom and trust and love from Sesshomaru-sama!!!!! ;____;  

Supernatural: Rowena. I thought she was super annoying and just literally a bitch but the girl’s got sass and charisma and even when Lucifer killed her, she still managed to come back to life like helllllllllllll yea you go girl

Pokemon: Brock. When he first joined Ash and Misty I was like ehhhhhh…….?????? But then he started adding much more personality to the trio and his love for all the Nurse Joys and Officer Jennys was sooo funny to me. Especially when both him and Ash lusted over a girl then Misty would get jealous ((bc of ASH)) like that all gave me life… as a 6 yr old and now 

3 OTPs:

Inuyasha: InuKag, MirSan, and SessKagu.

Supernatural: Destiel/Deancas, Sam x Ruby, and Megstiel.  

Pokemon: Ash x Misty ……………………. THAT’S ALL I GOT.

Tagging some wonderful ppl:

@kaorukamiyas @sacredjewels @missuprealeaaa @kaze-ranna @kireihanachan

[elizabethrobertajones]

I recently came across this blog that was very anti Dean/destiel. This was apparently because Dean supposedly was "an abusive person". Particularly towards Cas. Personally, I ship it, like.. a lot, but I scrolled down and I have to say that I read some valid points on that blog. Dean really treats him like shit sometimes and like, I could in some way understand why they thought of dean/cas's relationship like that. What's your opinion on this, like, do you think of Dean as abusive towards Cas?

If it was a Cas blog, those are all valid points, and you just let that go no matter how much you might stan for Dean :P Treat it as a free exercise in being zen towards your fellow humans and not thinking shit at them. Cas stans have been through enough, I was in fandom in season 10, I remember watching that despair >.>

(On the other hand there are some people who hate every aspect of the show at this point and are just completely fatigued with caring about it and may have a “Cas deserves better” line - but also hate 99% of everything that happens on screen so much that every aspect of the show is problematic garbage, which, of course, includes Destiel being an abusive trainwreck of a ship before you get to the fans romanticising every punch they throw at each other while gobbling up the queerbaiting and so on and so on)

There are some anti blogs that talk up it being abusive and whether they actually don’t ship it for that reason or not is a lot more blurry and (you can guess by the company they seem to keep) they might have got there via just finding something to “disprove” the ship or to justify hating it. In that case, long angry posts about why it’s so terrible are pretty much loudly agreeing with each other, and maybe hoping someone who ships it will stumble on the post and be convinced their ship is bad and they should feel bad. These same people will argue the ship is homophobic and its fans are homophobic, as well as abuse apologists, racist, whatever, because making a ship out to be unethical is a great way to subtly conduct a ship war while giving yourself high ground. It’s why when stuff like the cucumber water debate blew up, they were accusing us of being homophobic and saying drinking vegetable water made you gay, as if we are the racist uncle who thinks wearing a pink shirt means you’re a “pansy” or something, and that this line of homophobic reasoning is why we think Dean is gay and that they don’t stereotype people.

And there are people who genuinely don’t like the ship whatever angle they approach it because they feel it’s abusive in the sort of way where again you just respect that it makes them feel that way because it upsets or triggers them.

I’m now sure I sound like the next thing out of my mouth is going to be “so I guess Destiel is abusive then” but it’s a big fandom and different groups of people have different versions of the story :P 

Lots of rambling about this under the cut:

When I was still fairly new to the fandom I stumbled on a Sam blog that was arguing with a great many examples of how Dean was abusive and of course sympathising with Sam in every fight and turning pretty much every interaction between them into a microaggression. I just wondered how you live like that and still watch the show? Like, if I found something so problematic I couldn’t even watch the 2 main characters who are onscreen all the time interact without getting upset every time one of the opens their mouth, I would just stop watching it. I *have* watched stuff where I then stopped watching because the characters pissed me off.

(I think this show has a secret magic formula to make you extremely over-invested in the characters to the point it’s like fictional character crack, and I may only stop writing meta for this show when I figure it out, take the secret with me, and go write a ton of novels with characters you’re similarly loyal too :P)

Anyway. There’s tons of people who don’t think Sam is abusive to Dean or Dean is abusive to Sam, and after I spent a day or so feeling really weird and uncomfortable about liking Dean so much when he was apparently awful I realised it had never affected the way I watched the show before, and that it had never troubled me about it either, because I never saw it that way. 

When *I* thought about it, I thought Sam was very resilient, loved his brother, and had his clear boundaries, such as stomping off in 7x06 when he found out about Dean killing Amy or in season 9 after discovering the Gadreel thing, setting down very clear rules with Dean about where he stood after Dean crossed the line, and that clearly to Sam, he knows his own self, and 99% of the time, he’s fine with what Dean does in the grander scheme. Maybe they have fights and Sam is upset or angry with him for a while but in general if Sam thought he was being mistreated, he’s shown he can identify that for himself and get out and look after his own interest, and return when he and Dean can reach an understanding and have grown as characters from it. (I think altogether too much debate about characters treats them as if they have never grown when we see them learn and change all the time and are quantifiably different from how they started) 

I think season 10 was the only time it crossed too far into really seeming a bit too domestic violence-y because of course Dean with the Mark of Cain had an ancient brother killing curse and Sam was still living under the same roof trying to help him, after being nearly murdered under said roof already once that year. But it was all extremely dark and fucked up for everyone, so unless I was stanning Sam, again it wouldn’t upset me any more than any other character’s messed up part in that arc, especially as Sam had his own part in being portrayed in a really negative light, and it seemed like Carver just wanted us to hate both of them at times.

Anyway by the time I ever read anyone complaining about how Destiel was abusive I’d already had to realise through thinking about that (and I read that before season 10 aired) that how we read characters and their behaviour to each other is as subjective as anything else on this show. 

If we really, deeply care about Dean, Cas can be seen as abusive - that alley scene in 5x18 put people off because Cas attacked Dean pretty much out of personal anger when he could have just knocked him out with a touch and dragged his sorry butt home, and it made Cas seem cold and cruel to Dean, that he could turn on him like that and not care. Season 6 gives no respite to make Cas seem nice again, and then he goes and breaks Sam’s wall. By 7x17 when he comes back and Dean is all teary eyed about it and has the trenchcoat still you’re like why do you even fucking care, Dean? All he’s ever done is hurt you and Sam and break the world! and Dean’s suddenly in this position where he seems strung along loving someone who has only ever hurt them and been cold to them and his investment seems greater than Cas’s. And then as the story goes on, Cas’s attempts to redeem himself and apologise come across cold and calculating or emotionally manipulative and self-serving and yikes we’ve made it halfway through Carver era and Cas hasn’t done one single thing to earn Dean’s love or to seem truly selfless about his own. (I can’t be bothered to keep strawmanning this but honestly I have seen people who hate Cas argue the latter part, and people who never started shipping Destiel argue the first half about season 5 & 6 and why it never made sense to them)

I think it’s a violent, awful show where people do violent, awful things to each other. Sam and Dean already mutually did enough shit to make it easy to argue either was abusive to the other before Cas was around (eugh, extreme Dean girls hating Sam always feels like such a betrayal but they say some shocking stuff about Sam and how much of a useless whiny leech on Dean he is >.>) and Cas showed up also angry and a creature of violence, built in their exact mould, and they all kicked off from there. 

At some point you’ve excused enough of this interpersonal violence and overblown emotional drama (which lends itself to manipulation and grand statements about betrayal or whatever) to watch the show and root for the characters and keep with them for up to 12 years and if you still LIKE the show and the characters, then you may have to consider when and how stuff would be abusive and be aware of not romanticising it, but you can still watch it and enjoy it and NOT find it abusive for your own take on it.

(I tag all discussion of Destiel crypt scene/mirrors of said scene, as “crypt scenes for ts” including gifsets that use their busted up faces in passing, for that reason, so people who find it abusive can selectively avoid it, and as a reminder to self that people see it that way and never to let myself think that these depictions of love breaking through violence are unproblematic. It’s an inherently problematic trope, and saying oh they were controlled by something else and it was romantic that they managed not to kill each other, is just too close to excusing someone who ACTUALLY hits someone and then saying, oh, but they managed to stop themselves from hurting them any more than they did and put down their fists after a while because they LOVE them. And the trope has been used 2 times with Cas and once with Dean so this isn’t saying either of them is more abusive than the other (especially as 10x22 was by far the most shocking, and, as I said about Sam, the Mark of Cain had been a domestic abuse metaphor the whole time))

But - and here’s the big but to literally everything above: if you still LIKE the characters and enjoy their relationship and it DOESN’T upset you too much to watch and you acknowledge where it can be seen as abusive but these things haven’t put you off, then there’s nothing harmful about either shipping them, OR saying you DON’T THINK THE SHIP IS ABUSIVE. And genuinely not thinking it is, overall.

I don’t, and for the same reason I explained about Dean not abusing Sam, especially that Cas still has agency and that his whole story has been about choosing the Winchesters over an INFINITELY more abusive family that HAS done all that shit to him and he’s been struggling to leave including the whole split loyalty still loving for them despite how much they hurt him thing and always being sucked back in despite how he must know by now angel stuff ALWAYS ends with him being hurt and angels dying. Picking Dean as his family over them seems a no-brainer.

For one thing, I don’t feel like there’s any malice in their day-to-day interactions, and that while Dean can be rough and rude to Cas, he doesn’t do it to exert control over him, JUST out of cruelty, or anything else abusive, just a pattern of “when Dean is sad or angry he will say insensitive and horrible things to the people around him” - because he’s human and messed up and angry/miserable (pick your week) and doesn’t think he even deserves their love half the time when he’s really trying to drive people off (his side of 5x18 :P). Your reaction to this pattern might depend on how you’ve been treated in the past and if it rings unfortunately too close to actual abuse to you, but without that trigger I think it is not impossible to read it as not aimed to control or emotionally manipulate the people around him, but normal expressions of emotion, with no intent to harm, and if you read the reactions of the people around him, no lasting damage to them as if his actions were abusive (e.g. Sam doesn’t get flinchy when Dean drinks or gets angry, as if emulating someone raised by a violent drunk; Cas doesn’t react when Dean yells at him but unless he’s in a very bad place for other reasons, gives shit right back to Dean and stands up for himself)

For another, Dean against Sam with the Mark was 100x worse than he ever was to Cas. 9x22 at the end showed a huge difference in how he treated them, and I don’t think that was putting on a nice face for Cas - I think that was meant to convey the Mark twisting Dean up AGAINST Sam and showing that he’d been poisoned against him, but it hadn’t affected how Dean felt about Cas, because he is not his brother, and the curse therefore doesn’t affect them. In the end he did attack Cas, and it’s their absolute low point, but it took a season and a half to hollow Dean out that far, as part of an episode showing in every way that we’d lost all parts of Dean that were good, while Dean took like 15 episodes from Mark of Cain to chasing Sam with a hammer. (And, of course, demon!Dean still retained parts of what made Dean good, making him at least complex, though obviously not “good” any more - Dean in 10x22 was genuinely more evil, empty and broken than when he was a demon, to compare Dean choosing to kill the kid with Dean selectively choosing to kill Lester because he thought his wife didn’t deserve it, never mind all his angsty moping and still deciding what he was and so on, suggesting he was struggling to let go of those last human parts.) Anyway, I didn’t think Dean had any sustained aggression against Cas and the arc was way more about a threat to Sam from Dean - as late as 10x20 Dean was still retaining his humanity and struggling to help Cas and do nice things on his behalf and play cute with Claire, while the season in general kept Cas away from Dean and I think that was a good idea in hindsight, because it both facilitated Dean’s descent (Cas keeps him on the level) and meant Cas didn’t have to take the brunt of Dean’s Mark-related dickishness. Aka, avoiding including Cas properly in any sort of sustained domestic abuse arc with Dean. In 10x18 they play happy families with Charlie, and it’s a fleeting GOOD thing with nice family dynamics. 10x21 laid it on thick that Sam was alone with someone who could swing around to violence and made it clear it was a domestic abuse metaphor between them. (Which, again, in Dean’s defence for THIS relationship, was a metaphor for one season, and I don’t think reflective on how he treats Sam normally, at all.)

As for Dean’s general behaviour, you have to forgive incident by incident on the assumption that Dean isn’t holding up a sustained campaign of abuse against Cas, but considers him an equal but who he often has GENUINE grievances against (and also that Cas is not a woobie and can take it - we may see him hurt a lot but he remains resilient). In season 6, Cas is shifty and won’t come to help them - you could argue Dean’s feeling entitled to that, but he’s upset because Cas is supposed to be a friend and his responses are underwhelming, and, importantly, Dean doesn’t feel like Cas is sharing when he WANTS to help. Dean can tell something’s up but Cas won’t even get into a real conversation with it, and wouldn’t have let Dean help anyway. So he’s pissed off at the start and gets MORE pissed off along the season, so he snaps at Cas and wheedles him to come help not because he feels like Cas is only good to help, but he’s fed up with Cas not coming, being weird, and being unhelpful, when they’re SUPPOSED to be friends. 

I don’t even know how to explain how Dean acts towards Cas in season 7 if someone doesn’t get that the repercussions of Cas breaking Sam’s wall aren’t still clear in Dean’s mind, and he can’t talk to Cas about it because he’s never quite himself and ready to have the talk about these consequences. (I mean he sort of can at the end of the season but they’re aggressively not listening to each other even while trying to communicate) When Dean snaps at Cas, he’s frustrated, and angry and missing his friend, and upset on Sam’s behalf and it’s a mess, he’s not just yelling “no one cares that you’re broken” because he wants to hurt Cas. HE cares. He’s so fucked up about it that the entire end of the season rests on him reconciling with Cas, and so they need to show him unable to do that first… There’s more to it than just collecting a moment of Dean yelling at Cas or that bit where he throws the board game on the floor despite how it looks. They’re in the middle of the fight and Cas has as much of his part of it as Dean does, though he’s in a vulnerable state and Dean’s approaching him with anger, Cas knows Dean’s the injured party - this is the arc that starts with “I’ll find some way to redeem myself to you” - and it’s totally fucked up but this is how it plays out with Dean’s reactions to Cas’s avoidance and consuming guilt that won’t even let him face the problem head on until the very last moment. Dean approaches Cas gently, Cas finally makes a gesture to help and in this way their last conversation when they go collect Baby puts them back on EQUAL footing. And before that they were unequal but from both directions - Cas was broken/had no memory, but also Cas had the burden to make it right with Dean and he wasn’t making that move. He fixes Sam, which is the huge important step one, but after that he is “only playing sorry” and the argument goes BOTH ways with the need to reconcile, which means all the pissiness is fair game, NOT Dean being cruel to Cas and kicking him while he’s down…

I suppose I could keep on rationalising stuff they do forever but these are the examples I see the most when reading about it, and I just don’t feel in MY interpretation of it, that Dean has ANY cruelty to Cas, or even a sustained threat to him. That’s not to minimise that Cas took a LOT of beatings over recent times and ended up feeling depressed and alone and with PTSD and so on, but I read this as a carelessness that Dean desperately would not want to inflict on Cas if he knew and understood (and therefore could have reached out to him properly), and that at every opportunity when he even partially understands he reaches out and cares for Cas (like 8x08 and “talk to me” or many of the less dramatic heart to hearts where he tries to understand Cas or to reassure or comfort him about stuff, as well as generally attempting to apologise - I think he apologises 3 times for kicking Cas out the Bunker, though he can only truly repent after telling the whole truth, it ate him up and he WANTED it to not be this way and felt it was out of his control because from the last scene of 9x01 when Gadreel suddenly declares Sam can’t know, Dean immediately loses any control he thought he had over what happens next)…

Anyway, people are ALWAYS going to have opinions or still ship it but think some of my arguments don’t work and some of these examples were abusive but it won’t stop them shipping based on a more ideal version of the relationship, even divorcing from canon altogether and shipping the AU perfect version of the ship where it can always be happy and they never have the issues they do in canon. Some people will ship it because they LIKE that element of it, for one reason or another, and there will be people who write fic embracing really dark elements. 

When it comes to reading what others have to say about ANYTHING you like, you have to decide for yourself how much it affects how you see it, and you have to remember people are coming at everything with their personal biases and feelings. You CAN argue Destiel is abusive - you can probably argue most ships are, especially ones with canon interaction, and especially LOTS of canon interaction because tropes like lying and manipulation (even gentle lies and manipulation) are rife in fiction. Writers make characters fight for drama, and once they do, someone’s going to find supporting the characters together is inherently problematic and awful. 

If you make it this far in canon and HAVEN’T found the ship abusive in YOUR reading of it and based on YOUR emotional reactions to everything that happened on screen so far, then you are probably safe to keep shipping it at least on YOUR terms. 

However, I would listen to what people say and make up your own mind just because if they’re bringing up things that are genuinely unsettling, you should probably work out if you support that or not, and if you ship at a safe remove (e.g. “the crypt scene etc were abusive and I don’t like it but generally I find the ship okay and they’ve made attempts to mend that and aren’t continuing in that behaviour so I can still ship them in canon but don’t want to see anything romanticising the bad bits” or “I find the things they’ve done in canon unsettling enough I would rather ship them in fanon and try to enjoy what they do in canon just for the good bits like when they hold hands” or whatever). As long as you are respectful to other people and understand WHY they see things the way they do, and don’t try and tell people who are genuinely hurt that things AREN’T hurtful. 

(I’m not saying you would, but there are arguments in fandom I really don’t think we should be having as arguments, and this is one of them :P) 

[unforth]

I was tagged by @leonzhng​ (which definitely gave me a happy tingle of “omg senpai noticed me”) to do a few memes!

Playlist Tag Game

rules: we’re snooping in your playlist. put your entire music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs (including music only stuff like OSTs as well as songs) and then choose 10 victims.

Total number of tracks: 464

(My playlist rn is on Pandora...which means it leans Western music...back when I was still using my own music there was way more Japanese stuff on it, but most of that isn’t on Pandora, sigh...I’ve only been able to find a couple anime OSTs and a single album by L’arc en Ciel...)

Owl City - The Tip of the Iceberg

Fall Out Boy - Uma Thurman

They Might Be Giants - Letterbox

The 1975 - Chocolate

They Might Be Giants - The Edison Museum

Eminem - Lose Yourself

Kesha - Raising Hell

Rise Against - Swing Life Away

Moana - Dwayne Johnson - You’re Welcome

Motion City Soundtrack - Stand Too Close

This is...so not representative...there are literally zero tracks by either of my favorite bands...wut...oh well, what can you do?

Get to Know Me

Why did you choose your URL? I’ve been unforth everywhere since 1994 so it was kinda a no brainer? When I was first signing up for AOL back in the dial up dark ages, I wanted a Star Trek related username but everything I tried was taken. My mom suggested unforth...it was the name of the male dwarf fighter she played in D&D in the 70s...and now, almost 30 years later, here I still am...

Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them.

@mdzsartreblogs​, @tgcfartreblogs​ and @svsssartreblogs​ - art source blogs that I run

@destielficarchive​ - a Tumblr home for my archive of deleted and hard-to-find Destiel fanfiction (and a lot of easy to find stuff...never know when someone will delete and something online now will be hard to find tomorrow...)...15k stories and counting!

@ao3spnkinkmeme​ - theoretically I crosspost kink meme posts there, but the kink meme goes so slow and I have so little time that I’ve hardly been modding except to make sure new stuff gets de-anoned, sorry...

@memesforwriters​ - I see a meme aimed at writers, I reblog it there, that’s it really.

@mcukinkbingo-archive​ - what it says on the tin, the original blog for mcukinkbingo from when I was the head mod, now it’s no longer used, and even the main one is on hiatus (I’m no longer a mod, but I advise sometimes)

@unforth-ninawaters​ - that was my username during the purge. I deleted that account, but I grabbed the username since it’s still inked places and I didn’t want anyone to yoink it or pretend to be me, that’d be awkward.

(and that’s it, though I do have access to two other Tumblrs that have their own accounts - @destielharlequinchallenge​, which I co-mod, and @duckprintspress​, which is my business.)

How long have you been on Tumblr? I initially signed up as unforth in December, 2012. That account became unforth-ninawaters, and then was deleted about a month after the purge. I’ve been basically active continually since then, though I did take a year hiatus after the purge.

Do you have a queue tag? I used to use a queue on the unforth-ninawaters and my queue tag was q hoo hoo. Now I don’t bother with a queue...eh, whatevs.

Why did you start your blog in the first place? I started dating @ramblingandpie​ in November 2012, and she used Tumblr as one of her main things, and she kept showing me stuff, and it just seemed easier to make my own account. Then we kept dating. Then we got married. Then we had kids. And now here we are.

Why did you choose your icon/pfp? I’m a simple person with simple tastes; I just wanted Jeremy Renner to look fascinated by everything I say.

Why did you choose your header? I...literally can’t remember what my header is...ah, I don’t have one, lmfao. Well, that answers that question I guess. (the more sensitive I’ve gotten to copyright and repost concerns, the less I’ve done things like that, I don’t want to steal anyone’s work, and asking would require, ya know, talking to people.)

What’s your post with the most notes? Uh...according to the top posts, it’s this one where I babble about how much I love fandom - it has 510. I kinda thought my last promo for the Destiel favs survey had more than that? But I rarely get lots of notes. Most I ever had was 2k on an unforth-ninawaters post, and that was a call out, so. Awkward. And led to a lot of anon hate.

How many people do you follow? 93, though at least four of those are actually side blogs of other people I follow.

Have you ever made a shitpost? Hell yeah. Has anyone CARED about the shitpost? Not so much.

How often do you use Tumblr? Hahahahahaaa is that joke?

Did you have a fight/argument with a blog once? Who won? I’ve been involved in...at least three...drama storms that I can remember? Probably that 2k post call out was the biggest, and while really no one wins when that kinda shit goes down, I think I got the better of it, and I stand by the things I said then, so...yeah. The others, no one wins or loses, everyone suffers, no one is happy, then it blows over and we all move on with our lives. Honestly I’d just as soon it never happen again.

How do you feel about “you need to reblog this post”? Instantly guarantees I will not reblog it.

Do you like tag games? Yes, though I use them as distractions from other things I should be doing. (case in point: right now)

Do you like ask games? Yes, though it can feel crappy when I get no asks, even from people I sent asks to.

Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? @leonzhng​, @winchester-reload​, @ltleflrt​, @mojoflower​, @c-kaeru​, @diminuel​, @armitageshux​ (okay we’re not exactly mutuals, but you follow me and I follow your side blog, that counts right? Actually screw it why DON’T I follow your main? I’ll just...do that...now I’m following 94 people, lol...).

Do you have a crush on a mutual? pfft my ace ass doesn’t get crushes on anyone, but I’m literally married to one of my mutuals, so that counts I guess?

Phone Photo Meme Game:

Uh, I’m on desktop rn, but lemme see...I don’t generally have many reaction type things on my phone, but I do have a lot of screen caps from the danmei stuff I’ve been watching...

I’d say this is me basically all the time, lmao...

Tagging, um... @candicewright​ @xiejie-liubo​, @ryugarika​, @ramblingandpie​, @casbakespie​, @combeferret​, @slytherkins​, @tryslora​, anyone else who feels like playing!

[itsanerdlife]

It’s Complicated 11/25

Pairing: Clint Barton x Fisk Niece!Reader

A/N: Reader is Wilson Fisk’s Niece. I’m tired of the same old villains so keep your eyes peeled for who just might be the one lurking in the dark.

Warning: This is very match and lighter fluid type of burn. Feels of abandonment. Talks of Psychopaths. Overprotective male. Lies. Secrets. Language. Kidnapping. Violence. I think that’s about it.

Sometimes in life there are just certain people worth breaking the rules for. No matter the hell that may rain down. Is it possible to fall in love with someone in just a matter of one conversation? To be utterly and completely obsessed with someone in a matter of weeks? But what if they aren’t who you think they are? What if one day the person you love, they just disappear? Learning to live again is a bitch. Specially just when you think you’re doing fine, he shows up on your doorstep. Wanting to explain his secrets. But now you’ve got your own secrets but do you really ever just get over that type of love? Can you really just move on and pretend it never happened? Even when you’re carrying around proof inside you?

Tag List Is Open

Five Months Along

He and Bucky step off the elevator, heading into the kitchen. 

“Clint!” Wanda squeals. His bag hits the floor moments before she jumps at him. He laughs, wrapping his arms around her, hugging her tightly.

“Hey kid.” He chuckles, breathing in the mess of red hair surrounding him.

“So much has gone on.” She gushes as he sets her down. “I have so much to tell you.” She grins.

“Sounds great. But I got a few things I need to do.” He smiles at her.

“It’s great you’re back.” She bounces on her toes. Red hair flies by, in a blur of red and black. Buck laughs as he stumbles back, attached to his upper body is Nat. Wrapped around him like a vine. Clint laughs.

“Like I’m not even here.” Clint nods.

“Hi.” Nat mumbles into Buck’s shoulder.

“I’m dropping this off,” Clint scoops his bag up “and heading out. I have someone I need to see.” Clint grins, stepping around Wanda he heads down the hall. Hurried feet follow after him, when he steps into his room he’s not alone.

“Clint we gotta talk.” Sam fidgets.

“Last time you said that, Fury knew I was sleeping with my assignment.” Clint chuckles.

“I never got in contact with Y/N.” Sam admits, lifting his chin. Clint’s bag hits the floor as he freezes.

“How is that possible?” He stares back.

“I went to the school, to her apartment. She was gone. The school said she was taking personal time. She hadn’t been to Ravencroft, the research study was on hold. Cross wouldn’t interview with anyone else. Her apartment was empty, I broke in just to make sure she was okay. But she hadn’t been there in days.” Sam nods. 

“She was just gone?” Clint swallows.

“I tried for two weeks. Than I got assigned away, with Cap. We were gone two months. There was a melt down with a guy from my group. I’ve been up to my eyes in my own things. I haven’t been back.” Sam explains.

“Fuck.” Clint curses, shoving Sam out of the way, he runs out of his room. Taking off down the hall, at a sprint. 

“Clint?” Buck calls, looking confused as he jumps into the elevator.

“What the hell?” Peter looks around.

“So anyone remember Wilson Fisk’s niece?” Sam wonders coming into the kitchen.

“Clint’s assignment in our take down of Fisk.” Nat nods.

“Yeah, Clint was sleeping with her. More like, in love with her. They were having a relationship.” Sam nods.

“Oh.” The others nod, wide eyed. 

“Fury and Maria found out, that’s why he was reassigned with Buck. Punishment.” Sam nods.

“Does she know?” Wanda blinks at him.

“No, I was supposed to explain things, but I lost her. She disappeared right after he left. Than things got busy here.” Sam nods.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Nat swats him upside the head.

“Ow!” Sam scuffs.

“We would have helped.” Peter gaps at Sam.

“He didn’t tell me if I could tell anyone!” Sam retorts. “I was trying to just keep his secret.” He shrugs. 

---------- 

He takes the stairs two at a time. Sliding to a stop in front of her door. He grabs the frame with one hand, the other knocks hard and fast. He tries to catch his breath, waiting. He knocks again, harder this time. The door opens, exposing her to him, her face goes from shock to raging pissed off instantly.

“I need to explain things to you.” He pants, slightly out of breathe still.

Her hair tied up in a messy bun. Her coke bottle glasses sat slightly crooked on her nose. Her mouth smashes together, her hand not holding the door comes out of the oversized sweatshirt pocket. Slapping him across the cheek, hard. 

“Fuck you.” She growls, slamming the door shut. The lock flips a moment later. He stood there shocked, guilty and ashamed. Unsure what to do. He turns slowly walking away, holding his stinging cheek. 

When he steps off the elevator again, his shoulders are slumped. His cheek still ached as well as his chest. He’d shaken off more blows than normal, mortals, but this really messed him up. He really messed up, hurting her. He had never had the intention to do so, but than again he kept more from her than he was proud of.

“Did someone hit you?” Wanda jumps up from the seat at the island.

“She slapped me.” He admits.

“Shit.” Buck moves, pulling open the freezer.

“Did she say anything?” Nat asks, as he drops into the seat at the island. Buck hands him a gel ice pack.

“Fuck you.” Clint mutters.

“What did you say?” Buck asks.

“I told her I need to explain things.” He shrugs, defeated.

“I know her schedule.” Peter speaks up after a moment of silence.

“What?” He looks over.

“I texted MJ. Wondering if I could talk to Y/N about her research study.” He shrugs. “She gave me her schedule. If you want to check up on her.” He smirks.

“That’s called stalking.” Wanda points out.

“I already told her I would stalk her.” Clint shrugs. Several heads tip as they look at him.

“Same.” Peter chuckles. “MJ I mean. Sorry.” He clears his throat looking away.

“I’ll make coffee, up for taking in a view?” Clint smirks at him.

“Like the building across from her apartment?” Buck smirks.

“Joining us?” Peter grins.

“Yeah, count me in.” Buck laughs.

“You just got home and you’re jumping into stalking the girl you were sleeping with before you left?” Wanda blinks at him.

“You say stalking like it’s a bad thing.” Nat points out.

“I wasn’t just sleeping with her Wanda.” Clint shrugs, standing up heading for the coffee maker. “I’ve been in love with her since the first time I laid eyes on her.” He admits, scooping coffee into a filter.

“Damn it, that’s so cute.” Wanda huffs.

“Alright you’re going to need a hearing device.” Nat sighs.

“Did you just call me deaf?” Clint looks over his shoulder at her.

“No. But freak one and nerd boy have serious hearing. You don’t.” She points out. Buck’s brow pulls down.

“Did you just call me freak one?” He asks.

“Steve’s freak two.” She shrugs, walking away as she texts.

“That’s probably the nicest compliment you’re getting from her.” Clint smirks at Buck.

“And some how it still hurts.” Buck nods.

“That’s how she shows love.” He shrugs.

------------------------------

Everything Peaches 2/6/19: @xmtd5 @mo320 @all1e23 @courtmr @avxgers @eliza-kat @izzy--lee @irepeldirt @dumblani @crist1216 @a--1--1--3 @alyssaj23 @allyp1023 @joannie95 @nishanki1 @bugalouie @kolakube9 @rileyloves5 @sarahp879 @sea040561 @sexyvixen7 @pcterpvrker @pigwidgexn @doctoranon @tomhardy41 @abschaffer2 @justrae9903 @bookluver01 @teller258316 @callie-bear15 @nickimarie94 @wandressfox @amandab-ftw @carostar2020 @henrietteoaks @nea90sweetie @circusofchaos @itsagalaxystar @bettercallsabs @miraclesoflove @lucifersnipnips @queenkrissy11 @this-is-mycrisis @sadyoungadult @destiel-artemis @xrosegoldwolfx @paintballkid711 @isabelcrichards @iwillbeinmynest @sweet-honey15 @chanelmadrid13 @mellxander1993 @killerbumblebee @spookygrantaire @geeksareunique @supernatural508 @sammysgirl1997 @itzmegaaaaaaan @booksbeforebois @optimistic-babes @childishhoebinoo @elizabethaellison @aspiringtranslator @mariekoukie6661 @pure-princess-97 @capsheadquaters @samanthasmileys @nerdypinupcrystal @atlas-of-the-world @youclickedthislink @futuremrsb-r-main @lovemarvelousfics @notyourtypicalrose @petersunderoos96 @loving-life-my-way @buckystolemyheart @booktvmoviefangirl @supernatural-girl97 @thefridgeismybestie @dumbbitchenergytm @abbypalmer14-blog @fanfictionjunkie1112 @meganlikesfandoms @awkwardfangirl2014 @supernaturaldean67 @xqueenofthecraziesx   @queenoftheunderdark @writingaworldofmyown @supernaturallover2002 @daughterofthenight117 @mustbeaweasleyginger @mcuwillbethedeathofme @sprinklesandsugarcubes @whothehellisbucky-1930 @verymuchclosetedfangirl @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @ocaptain-mycaptainmorgan @wonderlandfandomkingdom @crazy-little-thing-called-buck @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @stupendoussciencenaturepanda @jamesbarnesappreciationsociety @supernatural-strangerthings-1980

Marvel Tag List 2/6/19: @lumelgy   @dottirose   @jcc04220 @rockagurl @mizzzpink   @jade-taillia @coley0823 @widowsfics @bookluver01 @thelostallycat @shield-agent78 @dtftheavengers   @ilovetvshowsblog @capsheadquaters   @iamwarrenspeace @thefridgeismybestie @whenallsaidanddone @deanwinchestersrifle @fandomsstolemylife00   @daughterofthenight117 @lilmissperfectlyimperfect  

Clint ‘Destory Me, I’ll Thank You’ Barton: @ml7010 @coley0823 @yavanna80 @lakamaa12 @boltsgirl919 @feelmyroarrrr @what-a-fantasy @mrsseizetheday @honey-bee-holly @marvelfansworld @mybarnesmyhero   @the-real-mary-jane @dumbbitchenergytm @agentsinstorybrooke @stuckyandsciencebros @x-whyareyoureadingthis-x @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

It's Complicated: @amberkay284 @capandbuckylvr @optimistic-babes @jennmurawski13 @marvelfansworld @bradfordbantams @natromanoffsboys @thosesexytexasboys @thebitchiestnerdtowalktheearth