#from batman and robin

[hood-ex]

Pfft just remembered that after Babs insinuated she could be the reason for Jason to stick around in Gotham, Jason denied it, and when Babs asked why, Jason said, "Because, Barb, it's like you said... I'll never be Dick Grayson."

[demonicsuffrage]

Bruce has a strict 'no metas/powers (except duke) allowed in Gotham' policy in place but it has a clause, BYOR (Bring Your Own Robin)

No one is allowed entry untill and unless they can produce their very own certified robin-shaped identity card

Whenever someone with even a hint of supernatural powers in them arrives at Gotham, they're first met with Bruce standing at the city border with a notepad in hand

Bruce: State your name and purpose.

Kon: Kon-el, here to hangout!

Bruce: Your Robin?

Kon, flourishing Tim from behind him: Ta-Da!

Tim, waves: Hey Bruce

Bruce: Approved, you may enter

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Hal: Here to investigate a case, Hal Jordan

Bruce: Your Robin?

Hal: I.... don't have one?

Bruce: Denied

Hal: What?! But-

Bruce: Denied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Yes, Wally, where's your robin?

Wally: Oh shit lemme just- *zaps away and returns with Dick, who was in the midst of brushing his teeth, in a bridal carry*- Here!

Bruce, grumbling a little: Fine. Approved.

Dick: You gotta stop using me as a key already, man

Wally: Blame Bruce.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce: Name and purpose?

Clark: Clark Kent, here for our monthly barbecue

Bruce: Robin?

Clark, producing an actual robin bird: Does this count?

Bruce:.....yes

[non-binary-lil-star]

Batman: * enters the room with a bunch of children following behind *

JLA: ???

Green Lantern: Huh

Green Arrow: Batman, who the fuck are these kids?

Batman: Language

Batman: These are my children. Agent A is sick so I had to bring then in

Wonder Woman: I am not acquainted with the hero know as 'agent a'

Aquaman: As long as they don't cause trouble I don't see the issue

Flash: ???

Flash: You don't see the issue? Batman didn't have any kids until not that long ago where did they COME FROM???

Batman: ...

Batman: Oldest one i found in the circus

Batman: Second eldest was born from the shadows

Green Arrow: Wha-

Batman: Third one, i found in the trash

Batman: Fourth one followed me home after I forgot the door open

Batman: And my youngest my ex mailed to me

Aquaman: Mailed??

Batman: I tried to return him but the post office guy said neither Heaven nor Hell wanted him

Batman: Or anyone in Gotham, for that matter

JLA: ...

Flash: ...

Flash: ... sorry I asked

[luminesick]

Damian, with red puffy eyes: You too?

Tim, with red puffy eyes: *raises a brow* Yes?

Damian has severe pollen allergies. Tim was high.

[iamthemess]

JL finding out bat secrets, but it's in the most simple ways.

Barry: how old do you think Robin is?

Oliver: you met him last week, he's like 12

Barry: yeah but like, he was 14-ish when we started the justice league

Hal: maybe he's an immortal vampire like batman

Nightwing: that's ridiculous

Hal: we have aliens and gods on this team. Why not vampires?!

Wally: can't be immortal if he was 14 then but 12 now

Barry: I've cracked it, there's more than one

Oliver: Your genius amazes and astounds

Barry: So the first Robin should be like 30 by now

Dick: WHAT

Dick: 30! IM 26

Dick now in crisis: I AM NOT THAT OLD YET

Barry: Hold on, wha-

*Wally silently laughing at Dick despite them being almost the same age*

Oliver: Were you Robin?!?!?!

Dick: I can't believe this betrayal! It's called mid 20's and you're no longer invited to Christmas Ollie!

Oliver: I was invited to your Christmas!?!

Wally: Well, not anymore you're not

Hal: Can I come?

Dick: that's up to Batman

Hal:...

Dick: Coward, this is why you aren't invited to family Christmas

Barry: YOURE RELATED TO BATMAN?!

Oliver: I WAS INVITED TO BATMANS FAMILY CHRISTMAS?!?!?!

[wellensittich01]

Bruce: And if someone comes up to you at school and says ‘hi, I’m one of B’s friends, I’m here to pick you up’ what do you say?

8 year old Dick Grayson: Liar! Bruce doesn’t have any friends!

[outtamynoggin]

Daddy issues... son issues??

Jason: Can a parent have daddy issues?

Tim: Obviously. They-

Jason: No I mean can they have daddy issues for their child?

Tim: What the actual heck are you on about?

Jason: Because I SWEAR Bruce has daddy issues for Dick.

Tim: WHAT? WHAT?!! What the actual-

Jason: No, think about it. Someone with daddy issues has: Fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting a partner, feeling insecure in a relationship, being clingy or possessive, needing constant reassurance, being easily jealous or suspicious, and attracting abusive partners.

Tim: *panicking* Hold-

Jason: *on a roll* NO. Bruce literally stalks dick and gets mad and scared over him leaving, he doesn't trust his robins to meet his standards, he constantly trauma-dumps on Alfred about his and Dick’s relationship, and he’s super clingy and possessive when it comes to Dick—like, look at the Titans! He’s obsessed. He literally asks Dick if things are alright between them CONSTANTLY. Abusive partners? I don't mean to talk shit about Talia and Selina but they're literally villains.

Tim: *having a crisis*

Jason: Bruce Wayne- the first man to have daddy issues... in reverse.

Tim: *whimpering* Please stop talking.

Jason: ...But wait... all these things... doesn't Dick have some of them too?!

Tim: NO!

Jason: *speeding up* No, no.. HOLY SHIT, IT'S A CYCLE! Bruce is feeding into Dick's issues and Dick is feeding into Bruce's because Bruce is looking for validation from Dick and Dick is looking for validation in Bruce and they-

Tim: *frantically calling* KON, COME PICK ME UP. I'M SCARED.

[frownyalfred]

actually the idea that Dick, the eldest, the only one who ever wore the cowl long term, the only one who raised a Robin on his own, is also the only one who can successfully, perfectly replicate that barked ROBIN! in Bruce's voice? the only one who can pull that exact tone from the depths of his soul, to the point where his voice is identical, so identical that old Robins like Jason are obeying before their minds even realize their bodies are moving? that Dick is the only one, has always been the only one, who can channel Bruce's voice? can channel Batman himself? I am going feral

[ochibrochi]

parents & pedigree [x] [x]

[sparkoflena]

Kon: Why are you staring at me so intently?

Tim, completely casually: I think I want to stab you with Kryptonite a few times. In different areas. For science.

Kon: ...why is my best friend considering torturing me?

Tim: I'm wondering if it takes you down so badly because it is truly that dangerous to you or if the invulnerablility of Kryptonians gives you a weak pain tolerance.

Kon: And you're asking me, a half human, instead of Clark or Kara?

Tim: They'd start telling Bruce about my "concerning villainous behavior" again.

Kon: And I won't?

Tim: I've kept fighting through pneumonia, a gunshot wound, and broken bones. And you go down when I poke you with a rock. Come on, you've got to be curious.

Kon: ...okay, I am a little curious.

Tim: YES! You won't regret this!

Kon: I will absolutely regret this.

[demonicsuffrage]

By some supernatural accident, Batman and Superman swap bodies. But the accident was just so embarassing that they collectively decided to NOT tell anyone about, and figure out how to reverse it all on their own. But, unfortunately, this means they now have to keep up this farce in front of their families

Clark, in Bruce's body, wiping some blood off his mouth and wincing at the 15 cracked ribs he now has: Guess I can bleed, huh

Dick, staring in disbelief after the patrol: YES OFCOURSE YOU CAN!? WHY THE HELL DID YOU THROW YOURSELF DIRECTLY ON TOP OF A GRENADE-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bruce, in Clark's body, squinting at the bright smallville sun at the Kent farm: This is way too much for 11 am

Jon, staring at his newly grumpy dad: I think batman is a bad influence on you, dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clark in Bruce's body, staring at his reflection in the mirror: The shoulder to waist ratio is insane, such a grabbable waist

Poor Tim, who accidentally overheard this, getting ready to call Arkham: Uhuh it's definitely, insane

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kon: And so I said, ofcourse, i would love the soup-er salad!

Bruce in Clark's body, deadpan expression on his face:

Kon: Get it? Soup-er salad?

Bruce: Yes

Kon, sad puppy expression: You always laugh at soup puns :(

Bruce, now with an Extremely Forced little smile: Yes it was very....funny

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clark, in Bruce's body, rushing to hug a visibly bleeding Jason who walked into the cave after patrol: What happened?! Are you okay?

Jason, freezing up because the last time Bruce ran to hug him was, never:

Clark, immediately backing up, and speaking with a deliberately gruff voice: I mean. Is the blood yours? Son.

Jason:...no

[birdiedoesdc]

some really funny things about this panel i haven’t stopped thinking about:

jason wanting to get drinks with everyone

jason specifically offering drinks to tim, the teenager

tim, the teenaged vigilante, turning down jason’s offer of drinks because he’s underage

i know tim’s age is wack, but if we choose to stick with one semi-consistent timeline, then jason is only three years than tim. ie also underage

i have to assume jason knows which gotham bars don’t card because fake ids will only get him so far

dick is also here but he isn’t doing anything about his siblings underage drinking because he’s too busy brooding over the gotham skyline. as one does

they’re all fucking ridiculous

[dudedidujust]

The daily planet runs a front page article calling superman the light of mankind

Cue the batfam launching a counter campaign in support of Signal,  the real Light of Mankind.

It starts as a joke but quickly derails into an all out war.

[sprinkleofquirk]

Tim, on his 13th attempt to sneak out of the mansion to go on patrol with the flu and walking pneumonia: I didn’t “lose” my spleen. To lose something is to imply you don’t know where it is, and I know exactly where my spleen is; it just isn’t in my body-

Alfred, tired™ and armed with a tranquilizer: Even so, Master Drake, I must insist you get back into bed.

[arkangelo-7]

Love the idea of the Batfamily showing a serious, united front whenever they’re working with the Justice League (i.e., obeying Bruce’s orders without question or defaulting to Dick’s authority, following Bruce’s comm protocol, upholding expected field etiquette, coordinating with one another with terrifying efficiency, and generally just not fucking around), but then the minute they get back to the Cave they immediately start to throw hands over who gets to use the PS5.

[ashoss]

some things dont change