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romerona · 6 months ago

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Ethera Operation!!

You're the government’s best hacker, but that doesn’t mean you were prepared to be thrown into a fighter jet.

Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Awkward!Hacker! FemReader

Part I

This was never supposed to happen. Your role in this operation was simple—deliver the program, ensure it reached the right hands, and let the professionals handle the breaching.

And then, of course, reality decided to light that plan on fire.

The program—codenamed Ethera—was yours. You built it from scratch with encryption so advanced that even the most elite cyber operatives couldn’t crack it without your input. A next-generation adaptive, self-learning decryption software, an intrusion system designed to override and manipulate high-security military networks, Ethera was intended to be both a weapon and a shield, capable of infiltrating enemy systems while protecting your own from counterattacks in real-time. A ghost in the machine. A digital predator. A weapon in the form of pure code. If it fell into the wrong hands, it could disable fleets, and ground aircraft, and turn classified intelligence into an open book. Governments would kill for it. Nations could fall because of it.

Not that you ever meant to, of course. It started as a little experimental security measure program, something to protect high-level data from cyberattacks, not become the ultimate hacking tool. But innovation has a funny way of attracting the wrong kind of attention, and before you knew it, Ethera had become one, if not the most classified, high-risk program in modern times. Tier One asset or so the Secret Service called it.

It was too powerful, too dangerous—so secret that only a select few even knew of its existence, and even fewer could comprehend how it worked.

And therein lay the problem. You were the only person who could properly operate it.

Which was so unfair.

Because it wasn’t supposed to be your problem. You were just the creator, the brain behind the code, the one who spent way too many sleepless nights debugging this monstrosity. Your job was supposed to end at development. But no. Now, because of some bureaucratic nonsense and the fact that no one else could run it without accidentally bricking an entire system, you had been promoted—scratch that, forcibly conscripted—into field duty.

And your mission? To install it in an enemy satellite.

A literal, orbiting, high-security, military-grade satellite, may you add.

God. Why? Why was your country always at war with others? Why couldn’t world leaders just, you know, go to therapy like normal people? Why did everything have to escalate to international cyber warfare?

Which is how you ended up here.

At Top Gun. The last place in the world you wanted to be.

You weren’t built for this. You thrive in sipping coffee in a cosy little office and handling cyber threats from a safe, grounded location. You weren’t meant to be standing in the halls of an elite fighter pilot training program, surrounded by the best aviators in the world—people who thought breaking the sound barrier was a casual Wednesday.

It wasn’t the high-tech cyberwarfare department of the Pentagon, nor some dimly lit black ops facility where hackers in hoodies clacked away at keyboards. No. It was Top Gun. A place where pilots use G-forces like a personal amusement park ride.

You weren’t a soldier, you weren’t a spy, you got queasy in elevators, you got dizzy when you stood too fast, hell, you weren’t even good at keeping your phone screen from cracking.

... And now you were sweating.

You swallowed hard as Admiral Solomon "Warlock" Bates led you through the halls of the naval base, your heels clacking on the polished floors as you wiped your forehead. You're nervous, too damn nervous and this damned weather did not help.

"Relax, Miss," Warlock muttered in that calm, authoritative way of his. "They're just pilots."

Just pilots.

Right. And a nuclear warhead was just a firework.

And now, somehow, you were supposed to explain—loosely explain, because God help you, the full details were above even their clearance level—how Ethera, your elegant, lethal, unstoppable digital masterpiece, was about to be injected into an enemy satellite as part of a classified mission.

This was going to be a disaster.

You had barely made it through the doors of the briefing room when you felt it—every single eye in the room locking onto you.

It wasn’t just the number of them that got you, it was the intensity. These were Top Gun pilots, the best of the best, and they radiated the kind of confidence you could only dream of having. Meanwhile, you felt like a stray kitten wandering into a lion’s den.

Your hands tightened around the tablet clutched to your chest. It was your lifeline, holding every critical detail of Ethera, the program that had dragged you into this utterly ridiculous situation. If you could’ve melted into the walls, you absolutely would have. But there was no escaping this.

You just had to keep it together long enough to survive this briefing.

So, you inhaled deeply, squared your shoulders, and forced your heels forward, trying to project confidence—chin up, back straight, eyes locked onto Vice Admiral Beau "Cyclone" Simpson, who you’d been introduced to earlier that day.

And then, of course, you dropped the damn tablet.

Not a graceful drop. Not the kind of gentle slip where you could scoop it back up and act like nothing happened. No, this was a full-on, physics-defying fumble. The tablet flipped out of your arms, ricocheted off your knee, and skidded across the floor to the feet of one of the pilots.

Silence.

Pure, excruciating silence.

You didn’t even have the nerve to look up right away, too busy contemplating whether it was physically possible to disintegrate on command. But when you finally did glance up—because, you know, social convention demanded it—you were met with a sight that somehow made this entire disaster worse.

Because the person crouching down to pick up your poor, abused tablet was freaking hot.

Tall, broad-shouldered, with a head of golden curls that practically begged to be tousled by the wind, and, oh, yeah—a moustache that somehow worked way too well on him.

He turned the tablet over in his hands, inspecting it with an amused little smirk before handing it over to you. "You, uh… need this?"

Oh, great. His voice is hot too.

You grabbed it back, praying he couldn't see how your hands were shaking. “Nope. Just thought I’d test gravity real quick.”

A few chuckles rippled through the room, and his smirk deepened like he was enjoying this way too much. You, on the other hand, wanted to launch yourself into the sun.

With what little dignity you had left, you forced a quick, tight-lipped smile at him before turning on your heel and continuing forward, clutching your tablet like it was a life raft in the middle of the worst social shipwreck imaginable.

At the front of the room, Vice Admiral Beau Cyclone Simpson stood with the kind of posture that said he had zero time for nonsense, waiting for the room to settle. You barely had time to take a deep breath before his voice cut through the air.

“Alright, listen up.” His tone was crisp, commanding, and impossible to ignore. “This is Dr Y/N L/N. Everything she is about to tell you is highly classified. What you hear in this briefing does not leave this room. Understood?”

A chorus of nods. "Yes, sir."

You barely resisted the urge to physically cringe as every pilot in the room turned to stare at you—some with confusion, others with barely concealed amusement, and a few with the sharp assessing glances of people who had no clue what they were supposed to do with you.

You cleared your throat, squared your shoulders, and did your best to channel even an ounce of the confidence you usually had when you were coding at 3 AM in a secure, pilot-free lab—where the only judgment you faced was from coffee cups and the occasional system error.

As you reached the podium, you forced what you hoped was a composed smile. “Uh… hi, nice to meet you all.”

Solid. Real professional.

You glanced up just long enough to take in the mix of expressions in the room—some mildly interested, some unreadable, and one particular moustached pilot who still had the faintest trace of amusement on his face.

Nope. Not looking at him.

You exhaled slowly, centering yourself. Stay focused. Stay professional. You weren’t just here because of Ethera—you were Ethera. The only one who truly understood it. The only one who could execute this mission.

With another tap on your tablet, the slide shifted to a blacked-out, redacted briefing—only the necessary information was visible. A sleek 3D-rendered model of the enemy satellite appeared on the screen, rotating slowly. Most of its details were blurred or omitted entirely.

“This is Blackstar, a highly classified enemy satellite that has been operating in a low-Earth orbit over restricted airspace.” Your voice remained even, and steady, but the weight of what you were revealing sent a shiver down your spine. “Its existence has remained off the radar—literally and figuratively—until recently, when intelligence confirmed that it has been intercepting our encrypted communications, rerouting information, altering intelligence, and in some cases—fabricating entire communications.”

Someone exhaled sharply. Another shifted in their seat.

“So they’re feeding us bad intel?” one of them with big glasses and blonde hair asked, voice sceptical but sharp.

“That’s the theory,” you confirmed. “And given how quickly our ops have been compromised recently, it’s working.”

You tapped again, shifting to the next slide. The silent infiltration diagram appeared—an intricate web of glowing red lines showing Etherea’s integration process, slowly wrapping around the satellite’s systems like a virus embedding itself into a host.

“This is where Ethera comes in,” you said, shifting to a slide that displayed a cascading string of code, flickering across the screen. “Unlike traditional cyberweapons, Ethera doesn’t just break into a system. It integrates—restructuring security protocols as if it was always meant to be there. It’s undetectable, untraceable, and once inside, it grants us complete control of the Blackstar and won’t even register it as a breach.”

“So we’re not just hacking it," The only female pilot of the team said, arms crossed as she studied the data. “We’re hijacking it.”

“Exactly,” You nodded with a grin.

You switched to the next slide—a detailed radar map displaying the satellite’s location over international waters.

“This is the target area,” you continued after a deep breath. “It’s flying low-altitude reconnaissance patterns, which means it’s using ground relays for some of its communication. That gives us a small window to infiltrate and shut it down.”

The next slide appeared—a pair of unidentified fighter aircraft, patrolling the vicinity.

“And this is the problem,” you said grimly. “This satellite isn’t unguarded.”

A murmur rippled through the room as the pilots took in the fifth-generation stealth fighters displayed on the screen.

“We don’t know who they belong to,” you admitted. “What we do know is that they’re operating with highly classified tech—possibly experimental—and have been seen running defence patterns around the satellite’s flight path.”

Cyclone stepped forward then, arms crossed, his voice sharp and authoritative. “Which means your job is twofold. You will escort Dr L/N’s aircraft to the infiltration zone, ensuring Ethera is successfully deployed. If we are engaged, your priority remains protecting the package and ensuring a safe return.”

Oh, fantastic, you could not only feel your heartbeat in your toes, you were now officially the package.

You cleared your throat, tapping the screen again. Ethera’s interface expanded, displaying a cascade of sleek code.

“Once I’m in range,” you continued, “Ethera will lock onto the satellite’s frequency and begin infiltration. From that point, it’ll take approximately fifty-eight seconds to bypass security and assume control."

Silence settled over the room like a thick cloud, the weight of their stares pressing down on you. You could feel them analyzing, calculating, probably questioning who in their right mind thought putting you—a hacker, a tech specialist, someone whose idea of adrenaline was passing cars on the highway—into a fighter jet was a good idea.

Finally, one of the pilots—tall, broad-shouldered, blonde, and very clearly one of the cocky ones—tilted his head, arms crossed over his chest in a way that screamed too much confidence.

“So, let me get this straight.” His voice was smooth, and confident, with just the right amount of teasing. “You, Doctor—our very classified, very important tech specialist—have to be in the air, in a plane, during a mission that has a high probability of turning into a dogfight… just so you can press a button?”

Your stomach twisted at the mention of being airborne.

“Well…” You gulped, very much aware of how absolutely insane this sounded when put like that. “It’s… more than just that, but, yeah, essentially.”

A slow grin spread across his face, far too entertained by your predicament.

“Oh,” he drawled, “this is gonna be fun.”

Before you could fully process how much you already hated this, Cyclone—who had been watching the exchange with his signature unamused glare—stepped forward, cutting through the tension with his sharp, no-nonsense voice.

“This is a classified operation,” he stated, sharp and authoritative. “Not a joyride.”

The blonde’s smirk faded slightly as he straightened, and the rest of the pilots quickly fell in line.

Silence lingered for a moment longer before Vice Admiral Beau Cyclone Simpson let out a slow breath and straightened. His sharp gaze swept over the room before he nodded once.

“All right. That’s enough.” His tone was firm, the kind that left no room for argument. “We’ve got work to do. The mission will take place in a few weeks' time, once we’ve run full assessments, completed necessary preparations, and designated a lead for this operation.”

There was a slight shift in the room. Some of the pilots exchanged glances, the weight of the upcoming mission finally settling in. Others, mainly the cocky ones, looked as though they were already imagining themselves in the cockpit.

“Dismissed,” Cyclone finished.

The pilots stood, murmuring amongst themselves as they filed out of the room, the blonde one still wearing a smug grin as he passed you making you frown and turn away, your gaze then briefly met the eyes of the moustached pilot.

You hadn’t meant to look, but the moment your eyes connected, something flickered in his expression. Amusement? Curiosity? You weren’t sure, and frankly, you didn’t want to know.

So you did the only logical thing and immediately looked away and turned to gather your things. You needed to get out of here, to find some space to breathe before your brain short-circuited from stress—

“Doctor, Stay for a moment.”

You tightened your grip on your tablet and turned back to Cyclone, who was watching you with that unreadable, vaguely disapproving expression that all high-ranking officers seemed to have perfected. “Uh… yes, sir?”

Once the last pilot was out the door, Cyclone exhaled sharply and crossed his arms.

“You realize,” he said, “that you’re going to have to actually fly, correct?”

You swallowed. “I—well, technically, I’ll just be a passenger.”

His stare didn’t waver.

“Doctor,” he said, tone flat, “I’ve read your file. I know you requested to be driven here instead of taking a military transport plane. You also took a ferry across the bay instead of a helicopter. And I know that you chose to work remotely for three years to avoid getting on a plane.”

You felt heat rise to your cheeks. “That… could mean anything.”

“It means you do not like flying, am I correct?”

Your fingers tightened around the tablet as you tried to find a way—any way—out of this. “Sir, with all due respect, I don’t need to fly the plane. I just need to be in it long enough to deploy Ethera—”

Cyclone cut you off with a sharp look. “And what happens if something goes wrong, Doctor? If the aircraft takes damage? If you have to eject mid-flight? If you lose comms and have to rely on emergency protocols?”

You swallowed hard, your stomach twisting at the very thought of ejecting from a jet.

Cyclone sighed, rubbing his temple as if this entire conversation was giving him a migraine. “We cannot afford to have you panicking mid-mission. If this is going to work, you need to be prepared. That’s why, starting next week you will train with the pilots on aerial procedures and undergoing mandatory training in our flight simulation program.”

Your stomach dropped. “I—wait, what? That’s not necessary—”

“It’s absolutely necessary,” Cyclone cut in, his tone sharp. “If you can’t handle a simulated flight, you become a liability—not just to yourself, but to the pilots escorting you. And in case I need to remind you, Doctor, this mission is classified at the highest level. If you panic mid-air, it won’t just be your life at risk. It’ll be theirs. And it’ll be national security at stake.”

You inhaled sharply. No pressure. None at all.

Cyclone watched you for a moment before speaking again, his tone slightly softer but still firm. “You’re the only one who can do this, Doctor. That means you need to be ready.”

You exhaled slowly, pressing your lips together before nodding stiffly. “Understood, sir.”

Cyclone gave a small nod of approval. “Good. Dismissed.”

You turned and walked out, shoulders tense, fully aware that in three days' time, you were going to be strapped into a high-speed, fighter jet. And knowing your luck?

You were definitely going to puke.

Part 2???

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astrologydray · 2 months ago

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Fama In The Houses 🏡

🌬️Fama is asteroid 408, named after the Roman goddess of fame, rumor, and reputation. In your chart, Fama shows where your name travels, how you’re remembered or talked about, and whether that recognition comes from truth, gossip, or legacy. It’s your “echo chamber”—the space where the world hears or repeats your story.

🏠 Fama in the Houses:

1st House: Your identity becomes your calling card. People recognize your presence, looks, or style—you are your own brand. Even without trying, you might attract attention just for being you.

2nd House: Your values, voice, or possessions can make you famous. Fama here brings recognition through self-worth, talents, or the way you handle money—you’re remembered for what you build or own.

3rd House: Fame through speech, writing, teaching, or social media. You might be known for how you communicate or for something you said that went viral. Watch for both praise and gossip.

4th House: A legacy tied to your roots, family name, or private life. You might be famous within your hometown, or your family’s reputation follows you. Fama here can also signal ancestral fame or inherited notoriety.

5th House: Recognition through creativity, performance, or romantic flair. You might gain fame for your self-expression, children, or playful charm. You shine when you let your inner artist out.

6th House: Known for your work ethic, service, or skills. You could build a reputation in a specialized field or become a quietly respected expert. People talk about how dependable or talented you are in what you do.

7th House: Your fame may come through partnerships, collaborators, or public-facing relationships. You’re known as someone’s other half or as part of a power duo. Your connections make you visible.

8th House: Infamous or magnetic—Fama here points to mystery, taboo, or transformation. Your name might carry a sense of depth or secrecy. Recognition could come through crisis, healing, or occult themes.

9th House: You’re known across borders, philosophies, or teachings. Fama here gives you a platform through publishing, travel, education, or belief systems. Your words may reach far corners of the world.

10th House: A powerful placement—your career, public role, or legacy becomes what you’re known for. Whether celebrated or criticized, your name echoes in the public sphere. Fame is likely here.

11th House: Fame through communities, causes, or online spaces. You’re known in your networks or for something futuristic, rebellious, or humanitarian. Social media could be your megaphone.

12th House: A hidden or spiritual fame—your name may be whispered rather than shouted. Known for what’s behind the scenes, or even after your time. Fama here suggests a quiet legacy with deep impact.

#astro notes #astrology #birth chart #astro observations #astro community #astrology observations #astrology community #astrology degrees #astro #astroblr #fama #astrology content #asteroids in astrology #astrology insights #astrology aspects #astronomy

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groovycreatormughoagie · 18 days ago

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K-Pop Demon Hunters X Reader 4

Surprise! Your Bodyguard is a Brick Wall with a Smile.

Now you see— I have my reasons why the reader calls her shark friend ‘Bubby’. Also, I’ll be semi-following the movie timeline, but I’ll improvise the montage of ‘TAKEDOWN’ and then maybe a post-movie.

Warnings: Explicit Language

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Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 //

-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-×-

Back in your tiny apartment, you dropped face-first into your scratchy sofa, just wanting to melt into the worn cushion.

Tick...

“….HOLY SHIT SHE’S PART DEMON!” You jolted up, jumping around like there was fire everywhere before abruptly freezing in place.

“Holy shit she’s part demon…” a groan escaped your lips as you slumped back on your sofa with a stressed sigh, head pressed against your palms.

You took Bubby out of your shirt pocket and set him on the coffee table in front of you, staring at him like you’re in a meeting.

“This is serious, Bubby. It’s not just about the Honmoon this time. We have a demon-ish demon hunter with no experience with this type of situation! And I doubt Celine knew how to handle that if she’s raised under her guidance.” A salty scoff left your lips as you crossed your arms and slouched back on the sofa.

“…not after what she did to me.” Your hand subconsciously reached and grazed the collar of your polo shirt.

************

“Why won’t you listen to me?!”

“I said stop!”

“CELINE!!”

SHHK-!

************

BZZ

You snap your eyes awake, startled by the buzz of your phone. You wipe your face off with your palms, trying to rid yourself of the cold sweat as you answer the incoming call after taking deep breaths to calm down.

“Hello?”

“Good evening, is this Ms. (Y/N)?” You swallow and nod, steadying your voice.

“Yes, that’s me. Who’s calling?”

“Oh! Good! I’m Bobby, Huntr/x’s manager.”

You calmed slightly at the boisterous man’s voice, amused how your shark friend and the hunters’ manager’s names are similar.

“What do I owe for such a call?”

A chuckle came from the other line before Bobby spoke again, “My team and I sifted through many candidates that would fit the role of being the girls’ personal guard. If you heard from the internet or news, we had to cancel the promo concert due to confidential reasons… But the fan outrage is quite worrying, and so we’re seeking out more security for the girls’ safety, you came on top of the list!”

“I got the job?”

“Yes! Congratulations, you are hired! Please head to the address I will send you before 7 AM tomorrow to start. Any questions so far?”

“No, no. Not right now, maybe when we talk in person. Thank you, I’ll be sure to arrive early. Thank you again.” The call ended with a friendly goodbye, and silence is welcomed once more.

[[============ With Huntr/x ============]]

Rumi returns to the penthouse still shaken and wide-eyed, her gaze landing on Mira and Zoey, already waiting for her sitting idly on their long table. The two were relieved from worry about where Rumi had run off to when she returned unharmed. Zoey already stood up and walked next to their leader, Mira following as the two rested a reassuring hand on Rumi’s shoulder and back.

————————————

The spoon just mindlessly stirred the chicken soup as Rumi had no appetite, when guilt is the one starting to eat her up.

“I… I’m sorry about the show." Her eyes couldn’t meet the two when she apologized,

“Rumi, it’s okay.” Zoey interrupts with a soft smile, leaning forward to assure her, the optimism never faltering, “I’m sure everything will be fine. Bobby can handle it.”

Zoey’s phone buzzes her snazzy ringtone with Bobby’s picture on her screen as he calls. The bubbly girl answers the call with their iconic “Hi, Bobby!” greeting.

“Girls, I can’t handle this!” Bobby’s panicked voice muffled out the phone’s speakers,

“There's thousands of disappointed fans, and the network is losing their minds—“ he cuts himself off with a deep breath, Rumi already deflating in guilt and disappointment in herself.

“Okay, this is why you pay me 3%… Okay, back off!“ the manager started fighting with someone on the other line, defending the girls from what they can only assume are more fans. “My girls will sing when they’re ready!”

Mira cut the call with a firm press on the end button, giving Zoey a subtle scolding look while the youngest looked slightly apologetic since the call only made their leader’s feelings about this incident worse.

“It’s okay. We can reschedule another live show within days.” The lead dancer of the group blurts out to reassure Rumi in hopes it will comfort her, and avoid shouldering unnecessary pressure from a normal pre-performance occurrence.

“I… I don’t know if that’s going to be possible.” Rumi spoke softly, hand fidgeting with the worn bell inside her pocket, “My voice, it’s in trouble.”

The confession left Mira and Zoey in shock and confusion as they glanced at each other, “Wait, in trouble?” They looked back at Rumi, “Then why did you push up the ‘Golden’ release?”

“Because we’re so close, and… it’s… so… important.” This was a problem, and the trio knows it.

“Okay, how do we handle this?” Zoey spoke up with a tense smile and worry in her eyes, “What do we tell the fans?”

She turned to Rumi, “Maybe we should call Celine?” The rapper hesitantly suggested while nodding, but Mira denies it. “We know what she’d say, Zoey.”

“Oh! Right, right. Hehe- *ahem*” She clears her throat and starts mimicking their mentor’s phrase.

“We are Hunters—“ Mira joins in, “—Voices strong. Your faults and fears must never be seen.” The two giggled along with the lighthearted joke, Rumi’s eyes envying how casual and carefree they are with each other.

“You sound exactly like her.” Mira teased with a quirked brow and smirk on her lips, Zoey giggling and gently elbows Mira on the arm. “Yeah, that’s exactly how she says it.”

Then they immediately switch up their playful teasing, turning to Rumi with tense panic.

“No, but that’s what we’re gonna do. We gotta hide it and fix it.”

“Yeah, but for sure we have to hide it. Mm-hm.”

Their leader’s expression was unreadable, though her eyes were melancholy.

“Rumi, why don’t we take a break?” Zoey proposes another suggestion to help with the problem, “We’ll skip the Idol Awards this year and—“

“No. No way.” Rumi interrupted with disagreement, “It’s our most important show.” She held her hands out as if to emphasize how much of a great deal this is.

“It’s when we strengthen the Honmoon for the entire year. We can’t skip it. We just can’t.” Her voice was firm, but it was evidently dripping with desperation that both Zoey and Mira couldn’t figure out.

“Not when I’m so close…” Her two bandmates gave each other a look of worry for their leader, realizing just how much this meant for Rumi.

Zoey reaches over and rests a hand on the distraught girl’s shoulder, “Hey, we’ll get through this.” Eyes filled with hope and optimism, her gaze meets Rumi’s distraught ones. “We can get through anything. Together.”

Rumi sighs, still worried but much more relaxed than she initially was.

“Okay. We have two weeks to fix Rumi’s voice. Any ideas?” Mira is already looking at Zoey for solutions since the girl is already brimming with creativity and ideas.

“I do have one idea~”

“Just one?” The tallest of the group smirked, reading her like an open book, “Actually, 57!” She geeked out, in which Mira rolls her eyes endearingly, “But let’s start with my favorite! Don’t worry, it’s totally legit!” She states with a naively placed passionate belief while the fashion icon Mira just watched her eagerness with amusement.

The phone in Zoey’s hand lights up with a text from Bobby, unlocking her device and reading it.

“Huh, that’s weird. Bobby said he wants us to meet someone tomorrow morning.” The smallest informs the two as she texts Bobby with confirmation that she and the girls are informed.

“What? Who? That wasn’t in our schedule?” Rumi asked midway through eating her chicken soup.

Mira shrugs with an eye roll, “Maybe a sponsor? Regardless, we can just get it over with and head for this totally legit idea Zoey prepped after.”

The trio nods in agreement at the logical decision, eating their meals in the quiet atmosphere.

[[============ switch back ============]]

As you walk to the address given by Bobby, all your brain could put together was— ‘How fucking rich are these three?? They have their own Avengers tower, wtf…’

Either way, you head inside to meet up with their manager.

“Good morning. I’m here for Bobby?” You held out your phone to show the guard a code that Bobby sent. He nods and lets you inside the building.

“He’ll be down in a moment.”

You gave him a polite nod before stepping inside. Looking around the interior of the clearly expensive penthouse, you nod in appreciation at the quality and build of the place.

“These three are the most loaded out of other generations…” you mutter under your breath, “well, if inflation didn’t fuck up-“

“Ms. (Y/N)?” A voice called you from behind,

“Oh, that’s m—“ your words stopped the moment you turned around and your gaze fell downwards to meet a very charming chubby man. One thing and one thing only that was running in your head.

‘…human Bubby?’

Your imagination compared the manager and your shark’s features; the hair strand curved down his face was definitely similar to Bubby’s damaged dorsal fin.

‘I’ll flood the underworld and douse Gwi-Ma’s ass for this man.’

“I’m Bobby. We talked on the phone last night about you filling in the position of personal bodyguard?”

You reached out and shook his hand and gave a polite smile, “Yes, I remember. I hope it’s alright for me to come in with casual clothing? It’s been cold the past few weeks.”

“Oh no, that’s fine. Outside of media, you’re free to wear any comfortable attire, but you’re required to wear your own tailored uniform on events with the girls.”

You followed Bobby to an elevator, listening attentively with a smile, eyes sparkling with adoration— cuteness aggression towards this man who looks similar to your shark friend that’s still hitching a ride in your shirt pocket. (The majority of your clothes have sewn-on front pockets for Bubby.)

The elevator reached the top, Bobby still talking about your role while walking with you following in tow like an eager guard dog puppy. Leaning down to peek into the screen of Bobby's phone he's attempting to show me.

"We'll start signing more contracts later, but for now let's meet the three you'll be protecting." Bobby beamed as he waved to the trio unwinding on their couch, "I'd like you three to meet someone."

The three turned their heads- Rumi flinching in disbelief at the familiar face before masking it back with a quiet cough before they stood up, walking over and bowing in greeting with polite smiles.

"Meet your new personal guard! Se's here to protect you almost 24/7!"

You stood there, swallowed up in your plump hoodie, hand raised and flashing the trio an endearing smile.

"Nice to meet you three. I will do my best to fill that role to everyone's safety and satisfaction."

"WHAT?!" "EXCUSE ME?!" "HUH?!"

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As always, feel free to tell me corrections or basically almost anything regarding the fic. I'm still figuring things out with this platform. Are there more color options for the texts? If so, how tf do I do that?

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Tags: @tundra1029 @chaoticfivesworld

(Do I have to manually put in tags?? How does this work?)

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neonspectrumdreams · 10 months ago

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Guide to Voluntary Switching

I/we have known we are a system for around a decade now. One of the most helpful things we have ever learned to do is switching on command. Believe it or not, although it may not feel possible, it is possible to control switching. Sometimes it is harder to do and the switch may not last long, but overall it is very possible to learn how to consistently switch in and out as needed. We are a traumagenic system but this should work for other types of systems as well.

One useful application of this skill is for studying. The alter who learns information is the one with the easiest access to this information. It is possible to keep track of who studied and deliberately call them out when the information is needed.

It is also a great skill to use when processing trauma during therapy. It makes accessing dissociated materials that are specific to one alter much easier. It can help access alters with traumatic memories during something like an EMDR session. Outside of therapy, voluntarily accessing other alters has a wide variety of uses related to accessing compartmentalized ideas and feelings, or the opposite - switching to a capable alter when a young or traumatized alter is not up to handling an unavoidable responsibility or letting a tired alter rest and allowing a new host to become prominent.

The Skill of Gatekeeping

Gatekeeper alters are a well-known alter type. They are present in many systems. If you are in contact with one or more gatekeeper alters, try to get to know them. They may be able to teach you how to think in the way that they do that allows them to control who is and isn't in the front.. It is also possible to develop a good relationship with a gatekeeper alter and ask them to voluntarily trigger switches as needed. This is one method of learning how to control switching that works for some systems.

From what my gatekeepers have shared,

"gatekeeping is in essence: remembering who everyone is, and remembering how they feel allows you to find them inside and pull them out. There is also a feeling of pushing internally that pushes alters back and temporarily makes them go dormant. "

Alter Relationships

Some alters are closer to other alters. These alters may remember the existence of other alters that others may not remember. They may be able to trigger in alters that are close to them but not to the other alter.

Internal World Dynamics

It is possible to call inside for an alter, ask for them to switch in, and they may in fact switch in, although if they are especially dormant they may not hear this request at all. Do note that just thinking about the other alter may trigger a switch to that alter.

What helps is to make an area inside where alters can be found. This could be a specific room or place for each individual alter, or a general meeting area. It can be easy to find alters there because if you last remember seeing them inside somewhere, going back to that place sometimes allows you to access them much more easily. Grouping alters that want to front together/more frequently into a similar place can help them co-front together and find each other more conveniently to trigger switches.

Positive Triggers

All alters have certain things that they are passionate about and interested in. Many alters have specific roles that they automatically come out to perform when the situation calls for it. Pay attention to these triggers. If there is a certain behavior or situation that calls out an alter, make note of that. If an alter especially enjoys doing something, doing that activity can trigger them out - as can even just thinking about doing the activity. If an alter really likes something the other alters do not have a particular preference for, keeping a reminder of this thing around can trigger a switch. If this trigger is easily encountered voluntarily, it can be used to call out the alter.

Network of Associations

All of our alters and other types of thoughtforms are connected to memories and ideas that belong to them. The brain can only process so much information at once, so all living forms within the mind cannot be active at once. The information that is salient in our mind determines who is fronting. The brain can be tricked into pushing specific alters to the front by activating information that is associated with this alter and pushing away information that is not.

Memories

All alters are connected to at least a few memories. These are typically memories that they were personally present for - but could also be memories of creative or analytical ideas, or memories of having a strong emotional reaction about something. This often comes with a sense(s) of nostalgia that is associated with the alter and often occurs when the alter fronts. Remember each one for each alter. Some may overlap. This sense of nostalgia as well as any of these associated pieces of cognitive information, such as specific memories or ideas, can be used to voluntarily switch. They may also have an area of the internal world that is associated with them where they may easily be found.

Essence

Each alter has a distinct sense of self. Particularly in systems with strong amnesia barriers, it may be difficult or impossible to directly experience this firsthand. If it is possible to remember what it feels like to be them when they are present, this can be used to trigger a switch.

Using These Associations to Make the Switch Happen

Reflect on something associated with the alter, and the feeling of their nostalgia or what it feels like to be them. This will usually trigger a switch within a few minutes of doing this constantly or repeating it every few minutes. It may help to pay attention to what areas are active in the internal world as you do this. Try to go to areas where you know that alter often is; you may make a meeting area for the purpose of these voluntary switches to make this easier. Keep talking inside to see if they respond and are co-present. Once you feel their sense of self, imagine yourself/feel yourself mentally falling behind them and push yourself backwards inside. As they begin doing things outside of the mind in the real world, eventually you will either become coconscious, you remain present but are somewhat dissociated and may only be active in the internal world/mind's eye, or a full switch will happen and you won't even notice you're gone.

Types of Triggered Switches

It is possible to trigger a full switch (either one with or without coconsciousness,) as well as to trigger partial switches. Partial switches happen when an alter is awakened and present in some form, for instance they may be able to converse or remember events, but they do not fully front.

Coconsciousness

It is common for voluntary switches to lead to a switch wherein the triggered alter fully fronts and switches in while the original alter that provoked the switch also remains present. If this type of switch is specifically desired, it can be achieved by making an agreement with the alter that is going to switch in. Together, one alter can remember to trigger the other alter whenever they notice the other is not present, and this keeps them present at the same time. If co-consciousness is difficult for a system, this may feel like playing tag at first as both alters get used to the skill of triggering switches.

Complete Switch

Complete switches are common in response to voluntary switching. If the switching alters are all in agreement, they can maintain a planned switch by engaging in a voluntary switching method to keep the intended alter in the front. It can help to have a place in the internal world where they can go to symbolize they are leaving the front and going inside. The alter that has switched in can use the voluntary switching methods as a grounding technique to reduce dissociation and keep that particular alter in front. Particularly in dissociative systems, the brain naturally attempts to depersonalize which causes cyclical personality switching; grounding on the essence of that alter's sense of self reduces this dissociation and keeps them in front.

Ground to Maintain

It is common for the triggered switch to not last for very long. You may need to trigger the switch multiple times before it sticks. It helps if the alter switching in tried to ground themselves. If you remain co-conscious, which can happen in a succesful triggered switch, it can help to reflect on the stimulus (such as the feeling of the alter or their memories or favorite things) you used to trigger the switch to help solidfy and maintain the switch.

Fatigue

It can feel mentally exhausting to try to trigger a switch too many times. It is not uncommon to have to trigfer a switch multiple times, failing each time before giving up. Sometimes, you just cannot trigger a switch at all for some inexplicable reason. Don't be afraid to give up for a bit and try again later. It gets easier the more you practice. Don't be discouraged.

Host Switching

It happens to us all from time to time - our host(s) becomes tired or depressed and needs a break. Maybe our host is functional but is not as interested in daily life as another alter that would like a more active role in their life (perhaps because it involves something that is a positive trigger for them.) There is a way of chronically using these alter switching techniques to change hosts.

In order to change hosts, you have to trigger a switch to the intended new host frequently. Some people set an alarm on their phone to trigger a switch several times a day (depends on how long the triggered switch lasts), or make an in-system agreement to always trigger the intended host when host responsibilities (like going to the doctor or paying bills or going to class or eating) come up.

By chronically triggering a switch to a different host, over time (a few days to a few weeks, generally) this becomes the system's default pattern of switching.

Hostile Uses of Deliberate Switching

Remain in good communication with your alters and make sure that the switching alters are okay with what is happening. Don't try to force alters that don't want to leave to go away, and don't try to force alters that don't want to be present to the front. Going against an alter's will can feel painful at the moment and can cause long term problems if it becomes a chronic habit.

#did alter #alterhuman #did osdd #traumagenic system #plural system #endogenic #hc did system #Voluntary switching

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brunchable · 8 months ago

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It's not a Meet-𝑪𝒖𝒕𝒆, it's a Meet-𝗨𝗴𝗹𝘆.

《 Chapter 5: Your Crying Shoulder. 》

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x f!Reader Themes: It's not a meet-cute, it's a meet ugly, Grumpy Meets ✨️Sunshine✨️, Opposites Attract, Sassy Pet Matchmaker, Enemies-to-Lovers (Lite), Destined to meet again, Bucky is a hidden softie. Summary: When everything falling apart, you found yourself in the arms of the person you least expected. A/N: This story will be OUTSIDE of MCU but Bucky's traits will be mixed comics/mcu. This will be updated every FRIDAY(AEST). I can't help but place a TikTok meme in here somewhere lmao. Credits to me for the Banner lmfao. credits to @ khaer for the divider.

Mission Report - J. B. Barnes To: N. Fury Subject: Family Dynamics

Key Findings

1. Family Structure

Y/N Y/LN: CEO of The Emporium NYC, handling New York operations, public relations, and key corporate responsibilities.

Jonathan [Half-Brother]: Oversees Miami branch expansions and operational strategies. Professional but distant relationship with Y/N, characterized by mutual respect and a clear division of responsibilities.

2. Operational Observations

Financial Irregularities: Offshore accounts linked to Emporium subsidiaries display significant fund transfers with unclear purposes. Investigating their potential connection to Hydra-related activities is a priority.

Board Affiliations: Certain board members are linked to political figures and tech firms specializing in advanced security technologies. Their involvement requires further investigation for possible ties to Hydra.

Employee Turnover: Leadership restructuring followed Y/N’s promotion. Several former executives now hold external consulting roles, potentially redirecting focus from Emporium’s internal operations.

3. Personal Relationships

Rhys: Y/N’s boyfriend and the son of a global luxury hotel mogul. While not directly involved in Emporium operations, his influential family ties and potential connections to Y/N's network merit attention.

4. Behavioral Insights

Y/N demonstrates dedication to her role but shows signs of frustration with corporate pressures. She appears unaware of financial irregularities within the organization, suggesting compartmentalization of information.

No evidence connects Y/N directly to suspicious activities. Monitoring her relationship with Rhys could provide additional context, as his background and resources may intersect with Emporium’s broader dealings.

Recommendations

1. Background Checks: Investigate board members, financial consultants, and Rhys’s family business for any links to Emporium's offshore holdings and potential Hydra connections.

2. Monitor Relationships: Subtly observe Y/N’s interactions with Rhys and board members for indirect insights.

3. Enhanced Financial Scrutiny: Deepen analysis of offshore accounts to establish potential links between Emporium funds and Hydra-backed projects.

End of Report

× × × ×

Figaro pranced confidently into Bucky’s apartment, his tail held high, a familiar item clamped between his teeth. Alpine looked up from her spot on the windowsill, tilting her head as she watched him strut across the room.

“Alpine,” Figaro greeted, setting down the item—a soft, worn scarf that unmistakably carried your scent.

Alpine sniffed at the scarf, then looked at Figaro, a glint of curiosity in her eyes. “Your human let you out with… that?”

Figaro settled down next to her, casually licking a paw.

“Oh, she doesn’t know I took it,” he replied with a lazy flick of his tail. “But I thought you might appreciate a little reminder of her.” He gave her a knowing look, lowering his voice. “She was patching up your human’s busted lip the other night, by the way.”

Alpine’s eyes narrowed with amusement. “Did she now? And did you happen to notice the way he was looking at her?” she asked, her whiskers twitching.

“Oh, I noticed. He was all ‘I’m tough, but not too tough for you,’” Figaro said, imitating a dramatic swoon, then rolled his eyes with exaggerated flair. “Honestly, he’s got it bad. She was fussing over him, and he was eating it up like a kitten with a saucer of cream.”

Alpine purred thoughtfully. “Well, it’s about time. But he won’t admit that to himself.”

“Yeah, well, the issue,” Figaro continued, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial tone, “is that there’s another guy in her life. Rhys.” He spat out the name with as much disdain as a cat could muster. “Total bore. Calls her ‘baby’ like it’s some kind of magic spell. And he smells like cheap cologne. Honestly, his existence is an insult to felines everywhere.”

Alpine’s ears perked up. “So he’s competition?”

Figaro scoffed.

“Please. He’s like the knockoff toy they keep at the bottom of the discount bin. My human doesn’t even smile around him anymore; she just tolerates him. But every time your guy shows up, she lights up like it’s Christmas morning.” He stretched, his claws extending as if to make his point. “I’m telling you, we’ve got to get rid of him. For the sake of all that is right in the world.”

Alpine let out a thoughtful meow, eyeing the scarf Figaro had brought. “You know, if we could just keep nudging them together, maybe they’ll take the hint. They’re not too bright, but they’ve got chemistry.”

“Exactly!” Figaro said, his eyes gleaming. “Our owners are hopeless without us. This is a mission, Alpine. A noble mission. A mission to save her from that pathetic excuse for a partner.” He gave an exaggerated shudder. “And frankly, if I have to listen to him call her ‘baby’ one more time, I might cough up a hairball on his shoes.”

Alpine let out a low chuckle, nudging Figaro with her paw. “Well then, Mr. Matchmaker. What’s the plan?”

“Oh, I’ve got ideas,” Figaro said, eyes narrowing as if deep in thought. “Plenty of ideas. After all, I’m doing the world a favor.”

× × × ×

There was cold silence since that tense encounter with Rhys, and though you’d pushed it to the back of your mind, his apology text had come through late tonight, begging you to talk. You decided, almost against your better judgment, to go. Maybe it was a habit, maybe just closure. But as you reached the hotel and made your way up to his office, a cold, uneasy feeling settled in the pit of your stomach.

The hall was dimly lit as you approached, your heels clicking softly against the polished floor. Then, as you neared the frosted glass door of Rhys’ office, you stopped in your tracks. Two silhouettes were visible through the blurred glass, close, intimate. You watched as Rhys pressed a woman—with a golden hair clip—against the glass, their forms locked together in a kiss that left little to the imagination.

Your throat tightened, a dull ache building in your chest as the weight of the betrayal hit you. To be honest, I felt like I already knew it, you thought, the silent admission somehow worse than the scene unfolding in front of you. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. You tried to swallow down the emotions swirling within you—anger, sadness, and that unmistakable pang of disappointment. Being cheated on hurt, even when you’d mentally checked out of the relationship. It chipped away at something deeper, a quiet part of your self-worth you hadn’t realized still cared.

Water rimmed your eyes, but you blinked it back, refusing to let him take that from you too. You inhaled deeply, straightened your shoulders, and turned away from the office door, leaving as quietly as you’d arrived.

× × × × Fews days after

Bucky squinted, utterly baffled.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” he muttered. He scratched the back of his neck, feeling absurdly judged by a cat.

Alpine huffed, letting out a short, dismissive meow, clearly unimpressed with whatever answer she’d decided on. She trotted off toward her food bowl, pausing just once to throw him a final, critical look before bending to eat.

“Alright, sure, just go back to ignoring me,” Bucky grumbled, watching her. But as he leaned against the counter, glancing down at the faint trace of your scent still on his sleeve, he couldn’t help feeling like Alpine had silently decided something about him that she wasn’t going to share anytime soon.

Bucky watched Alpine chowing down on her food, her tail flicking in satisfaction as she devoured each bite with gusto. He allowed himself a moment of peace, but then came the unmistakable sound of someone struggling with his lock.

“Oh, hell no,” he muttered under his breath, his mind flashing back to the night you’d drunkenly tried breaking into his apartment, mistaking it for yours. Swinging the door open, he was prepared for a repeat performance, only to be met with Sam, frozen in mid-action, his hand clutching a spare key. Behind him stood Steve, holding two large bags of takeout, and Nat, arms crossed with a smirk.

“Uh… hey, Buck,” Sam greeted, attempting a casual tone while quickly tucking the key behind his back like he hadn’t just been caught red-handed.

“Why are you trying to break into my place?” Bucky narrowed his eyes, crossing his arms.

Sam cleared his throat, glancing at Steve and Nat for backup.

“We’re, uh… your backup! Sent by Fury.” He flashed a grin that looked anything but innocent.

“Backup?” Bucky repeated, deadpan, as the three of them filed in with the casualness of seasoned intruders. “Fury said it was a simple assignment. Barely a mission.”

Steve rolled his eyes, giving Bucky a pitying look as he passed by to set down the bags on the table. “You really believed that? Seriously?”

Bucky opened his mouth to argue, but before he could get a word in, Nat had already made her way over to Alpine, who blinked up at her with the smug satisfaction of a cat who’d been expecting her. Nat scratched Alpine’s ears as Alpine purred, looking even more at ease than Bucky had ever seen her.

Just as Nat leaned down to pet Alpine, her gaze flicked up, catching sight of Bucky’s busted lip. She raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly. “Nice lip, Buck. Trouble on the way to the door?”

Bucky’s hand instinctively went up to his mouth. “Oh, that? I… tripped over Alpine.”

Steve’s head whipped around, eyes narrowing as he tried to keep a straight face.

“You tripped… over Alpine?” He looked down at the serene, not-at-all-menacing cat sitting contentedly by Nat’s side, then back up at Bucky, clearly struggling to hold back a laugh.

Bucky crossed his arms, his expression turning defensive. “It’s possible, alright? She’s tiny but lethal.”

Sam let out a snort. “Yeah, sure. I’m sure the Winter Soldier can handle a battalion of Hydra agents but gets taken out by a house cat.”

“Don’t you guys have anything better to do?” Bucky just rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath as Sam already raiding the fridge like he owned it.

“Oh no, please, make yourselves at home. I’ll just find somewhere else to live, shall I?” Bucky’s voice was dripping with sarcasm as he watched the scene unfold.

“Buck, you have got to keep better beer in here. This stuff is practically water.” He settled on a bottle anyway, taking a long swig before glancing back at Bucky. “We’re just here to help, man. Think of us as… extended housemates.”

Bucky crossed his arms tighter, a look of utter disbelief on his face. “Extended housemates?” He gestured at the room. “You act like you already live here!”

Steve, entirely unbothered, started setting out the food, carefully placing burgers on plates and arranging napkins. “We thought you might need a little company. I mean, it’s a Friday night, after all.”

“I’m perfectly fine alone, thanks,” Bucky replied, his gaze narrowing as he watched Sam polish off half a beer in one go. “How about you go keep each other company?”

Steve chuckled, handing a plate to Nat. “You said the same thing last time we showed up. Yet, here we are. Again.”

Nat, now comfortably settled on the couch with Alpine, flashed him a wicked grin. “Let’s not be dramatic, Bucky. Just think of us as… spontaneous visitors.”

“Visitors don’t usually come with their own keys,” Bucky grumbled, his gaze settling on Sam, who was busy rifling through his cabinets for snacks. “And they certainly don’t bring takeout to make themselves at home.”

Sam shrugged, unfazed. “You think of it as invading your privacy; I think of it as improving the vibe around here.”

Bucky let out an exasperated sigh. “I swear, one of these days, I’m changing the locks.”

“Good luck with that. We’ll just get new keys.” Nat smirked, scratching Alpine’s head as if she were orchestrating a coup.

Bucky glared, but Steve was already setting a plate piled with ribs and a burger in front of him. “Eat up, Buck. Before Sam devours everything like the human garbage disposal he is.”

Sam waved his beer bottle, looking completely unbothered. “Hey, I resent that. This is strategic eating. Besides, with your ‘barely-a-mission,’ we need all the fuel we can get.”

“I’m starting to think Fury set me up.” Bucky rubbed his forehead, exasperated but clearly losing the battle.

Steve just grinned, popping open his own beer. “I’m sure Fury thought you’d appreciate the backup.”

“Or at least tolerate it,” Sam added, grabbing a handful of fries and popping them into his mouth.

With a resigned sigh, Bucky sank into a chair, shaking his head. “You guys are impossible.”

“Impossible is our specialty,” Sam shot back, raising his beer in a mock toast. “To back up, and to Buck finally admitting he likes having us around.”

“Let’s not get carried away.” Bucky snorted.

Alpine purred louder, clearly pleased with the lively atmosphere, while Nat smirked at Bucky. “See? Even Alpine agrees. You’re just a grump with a soft spot for us, admit it.”

Bucky rolled his eyes, but there was a faint smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “Fine. But next time, bring your own key.”

“Oh, we will,” Steve assured him with a smirk. “And maybe a couch, a pillow or two.”

Sam, now munching contentedly on fries, raised his beer again. “To crashing Bucky’s place—where every night is a mission, and the food’s free.”

Bucky took a reluctant bite of his burger, trying to ignore how comfortable his “guests” had made themselves. Just as he was starting to think the worst was over, Steve casually leaned over to Sam, as if sharing a quiet plan.

“We’ll grab the rest of our stuff from the car when Buck’s asleep,” Steve said, completely deadpan.

Bucky nearly choked on his burger, staring at Steve like he’d lost his mind. “The rest of your stuff? What are you talking about?”

Sam, without missing a beat, grinned. “Perfect. Nat can take the bedroom, and the three of us can crash in the living room. It’ll be like a sleepover.”

Nat raised her eyebrows, feigning delight. “I called dibs on the bed, anyway. I always knew Buck had the fluffiest pillows.”

“Hold on, hold on! This isn’t some youth hostel! You all have your own places!” Bucky’s face twisted in horror as he looked around the room.

“Yeah, but none of our places have a view of you panicking about your personal space.” Steve looked unbothered, casually unwrapping another burger.

Bucky glared.

“I’m not panicking! I just—” He waved a hand in utter frustration. “This is my place! You can’t just... commandeer my bed!”

“Don’t worry, Buck. We’ll all be snug as bugs on the floor, reliving those good ol’ days in the barracks.” Sam leaned back, looking way too comfortable for someone who’d apparently just broken in.

“Except Nat,” Steve corrected, “who will be enjoying Buck’s luxurious mattress.”

Bucky looked to Alpine, almost pleading. “You see what I deal with? Even the cat respects my space more than you three!”

Alpine simply blinked, looking rather indifferent to her owner’s plight as she happily settled on Nat’s lap.

“Oh, come on, Buck,” Sam said, reaching over to ruffle Bucky’s hair. “We’ll make it fun! Popcorn, ghost stories, some embarrassing truths about Fury… just like old times.”

“Yeah, Buck,” Steve added, grinning. “Think of it as team bonding.”

Bucky threw his hands up. “This isn’t bonding! This is trespassing! And I don’t want to hear any ghost stories or truths about Fury. I want my bed, my couch, and my fridge not raided!”

Nat sighed, patting Alpine who purred louder. “Look, Buck. Clearly, Alpine’s on board. You’re outvoted.”

“Traitor.” Bucky narrowed his eyes, looking at Alpine in betrayal.

Steve chuckled, leaning back with a smug grin. “Face it, Buck. Tonight’s already decided.”

Bucky let out a resigned sigh, shaking his head as he muttered under his breath. “Next time, I’m leaving the country.”

× × × ×

You strode into the dimly lit restaurant, greeted by a chorus of cheers and mock applause as Serena, Mei, and Jane raised their glasses, voices rising in unison. "Woooo, here comes the CEO!"

You shook your head, laughing as you took your seat, subtly glancing around the table. Your gaze caught on one unfamiliar face, though it took a split second longer for the memory to click into place. Carly. She was Rhys' new assistant, a realization that caused your brow to lift just slightly. You’d thought she looked familiar from somewhere else, but with her new polished appearance and newfound confidence, it was hard to tell right away.

Chloe, ever the instigator, nudged Carly forward with a smile that held a hint of challenge.

“Ladies, meet Carly. You might remember her, Y/N. She used to work at The Emporium,” she said, her words smooth but her gaze pointed.

You kept your expression cool, a practiced smile settling on your lips. “Ah, that explains why she looks familiar.” You gave Carly a nod, and she responded with a forced smile, her eyes holding something less friendly beneath the surface.

The evening moved along, filled with laughter and a few rounds of drinks. Serena, Mei, and Jane offered congratulations, and Sarah, as always, played the role of your unwavering cheerleader, throwing a few enthusiastic compliments your way. But as the night flowed, it was Mei who leaned in, her voice dipping into a sympathetic tone.

“So, I heard Rhys de Armande cheated on you.”

You blinked, not expecting the topic to surface so bluntly. You forced yourself to keep your expression neutral, though a subtle flicker crossed your face.

“You forced a light laugh, though your jaw tightened beneath it. “Oh, it was probably because I told him to take his bare minimum and keep it out of my sight. Pretty sure he wanted to vanish into thin air after that, especially since his entire office got to witness it.”

Jane, Mei, and Serena burst into laughter, clearly picturing the scene as you animatedly relayed the story.

“Oh my gosh, that’s incredible,” Serena giggled, shaking her head. “He absolutely deserved every bit of that.”

You let out a faint laugh, flipping your hair back and letting it settle over your shoulder as you raised an eyebrow. “Ugh, I’m too busy with work to be hurt by this kind of stuff,” you replied, feigning a casual air as you took a sip of your drink, though the words had a hard edge underneath.

“Do you know who the woman was?” Serena leaned forward, curiosity gleaming in her eyes.

Chloe’s lips curled into a faint smirk.

“I mean, with Rhys’ type, I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s someone… eager to climb the ladder, if you know what I mean,” Mei said.

Sarah’s eyes flashed, and she opened her mouth, ready to retort, but you discreetly squeezed her hand under the table, keeping your expression smooth. You didn’t need her stepping in right now.

“You should’ve grabbed her hair!” Jane piped up, half-laughing, her fist in the air as if she were ready to throw a punch herself, “I respect the way you’re so laid back, because honestly I would’ve gone apeshit.”

“Oh, forget it. He’s the one who cheated. I couldn’t care less about her,” you replied, rolling your eyes. “She’s probably no different from him—anyways! Enough about him!”

As the words left your mouth, Carly’s face visibly tightened, her forced smile slipping as she pushed back her chair, muttering under her breath as she walked off toward the restroom. Her eyes flickered with a glare that lingered on you as she departed, barely concealing the frustration bubbling beneath her cool facade.

Serena raised her eyebrows, catching the shift in mood. “What’s with her? She was glaring at you the whole time.”

“Oh, who knows,” Sarah murmured, watching Carly’s retreating figure with a slight smirk, her hand still entwined in yours beneath the table, a sign of solidarity.

Chloe glanced after Carly, a subtle, knowing smile playing on her lips. “Probably just adjusting to her new… surroundings.”

You glanced down at your phone, barely containing the irritation rising within you as you took in the image on the screen: Rhys and Carly, cozy on a beach, his arms wrapped around her as if he hadn’t been apologizing to you just days earlier. It was from an unknown number, but there was no doubt in your mind who had sent it.

With a measured breath, you slipped the phone back into your bag and stood, offering your friends a polite excuse before following the path Carly had taken. You found her just outside the restrooms, leaning casually against the wall with a smug smile, almost as if she’d been waiting.

“Why did you send me that?” You stopped in front of her, gaze steady.

She didn’t bother hiding her grin, crossing her arms as she looked you over. “Because I wanted you to know.”

“Know what?” You raised an eyebrow. “That Rhys cheated on me?”

“No,” she replied with a sickeningly sweet smile, crossing her arms tighter. “That I seduced your boyfriend. You seemed completely fine with it.”

A scoff escaped you as you let out a dry laugh, crossing your own arms.

“Did you expect me to crumble just because I was cheated on?” You tilted your head, studying her. “Alright, let’s say you two ‘fell in love.’ Then you should be apologizing to me—”

Her smile faltered as she cut you off, her voice raising a fraction. “I felt guilty at first. But then you acted like it wasn’t a big deal. You weren’t curious about me, didn’t even acknowledge what I did. So my self-esteem? It just kept plummeting.”

You looked at her, incredulous, and chuckled coldly. “Wow—seriously? You’re such a loser—You’re blaming me for your self-esteem issues?”

Her lips pursed in irritation. “Why shouldn’t I? Why do you think I can’t do what you do? I can seduce your man and be just as successful—be just like you. But you never gave me the chance. Not only that, you took my opportunity at The Emporium away from me.”

“Ah,” you murmured, amusement in your voice. “So this is about me firing you?”

Her jaw clenched, eyes narrowing. “You didn’t deserve to be in that position. You act so high and mighty, like nothing can shake you. You have it all, don’t you? The job, the influence, the respect. But guess what? I can take what’s yours. I already did, didn’t I?”

You laughed, unbothered, shaking your head slowly.

“You really don’t get it, do you?” You stepped closer, gaze locked on hers. “If you couldn’t handle the job, that’s on you. Throwing this little tantrum only proves I was right about you. As for Rhys…” You shrugged, a smirk tugging at your lips. “You can keep him. My ex cheating doesn’t affect my work—but you? You do. So maybe I’ll have a word with his parents and see how your career fairs then.”

You turned to leave, but her voice came out sharp, dripping with venom. “You can’t pretend you’re not bitter about it. That’s why you’re here, right? To confront me?”

Pausing, you glanced over your shoulder, an icy smile on your lips. “Ever step on something nasty on the sidewalk? Hmm I don’t know like shit? It’s a pain, but you don’t let it ruin your day. You wipe it off and move on. That’s what you and Rhys are to me—Shit—something I’ll be glad to scrape off my shoe.”

Without another glance, you strode back to the table, your head held high. Your friends glanced up as you approached, a few eyebrows raised.

“Everything okay?” Sarah asked, eyeing you with mild concern.

You forced a polite smile, nodding as you picked up your bag. “Actually, I’ve got an early meeting tomorrow. I should get going.”

With a few quick goodbyes, you left, satisfaction settling over you as you stepped out, knowing you’d left Carly exactly where she belonged—behind you.

× × × ×

“Sarah! Open the noor! I know you're in there, Sarah! Open the noor!” Your drunken voice slurred through the quiet hallway, louder with every knock.

Inside, Bucky froze, instantly recognizing your voice. His eyes widened, and he shot a panicked look at the mountain of files scattered across his coffee table—the very files on you and The Emporium that he’d been piecing through with Steve, Sam, and Nat.

“Everyone! Gather the files, now!” he hissed, immediately jumping to action.

“What? Why? Relax, man, we’re not under attack or anything.” Sam raised an eyebrow, lounging on the couch with a half-eaten sandwich.

Bucky shot him a glare, practically yanking the files out from under Sam’s plate. “One of our ‘subjects’ is outside the door, Sam! Now MOVE!”

“Wait, you mean her?” Steve asked, eyes widening as the banging on the door got louder.

“Yes!” Bucky hissed, shoving an armful of files into Steve’s hands. “Now stop talking and start hiding!”

Nat rolled her eyes, stacking papers hastily. “Isn’t this a little dramatic? She’s probably just lost.”

“She’s not ‘lost,’ she’s drunk!” Bucky snapped. “And I’d rather not explain why I’m reviewing her life story with three nosy intruders!”

“Oh, we’re the intruders now?” Steve muttered as he clutched a bundle of files to his chest. “Could’ve sworn we were here for your mission!”

The banging grew even louder.

“Sarah! Don’t you ignore me, woman!” Your voice was muffled but determined, sounding like you were one step away from kicking the door down.

“Go, go, go! Get in there!” Bucky herded them like sheep, arms waving wildly as he tried to push them toward the bedroom.

“Ow, Bucky, stop shoving!” Sam complained, elbowing Bucky back as he tripped over a rogue sneaker. “Seriously, why are you acting like we’re about to be raided?”

“Because she’ll see this mess and ask questions!” Bucky shot back, pushing him forward again. “Just get in and be quiet!”

Nat stumbled as Bucky prodded her toward the door, muttering, “Why are you so panicked? Did you do something wrong, Buck?”

“Would you all just move?!” Bucky whispered furiously, practically bulldozing them all through his bedroom door. “I’ll explain later. Just don’t make a sound!”

Steve stumbled, catching himself with a loud “Ow!” as Bucky finally got all three of them behind the door. He shut it firmly and leaned against it with a sigh, only to hear a loud “Shh!” from Nat, Sam, and Steve bickering in hushed whispers.

“Move your elbow!”

“Steve, that’s my foot—ow!”

“Could you three not sound like an entire stampede?”

Outside, your voice grew louder, slurring but stubborn as ever. “Saarah! Come on, I brought sushiiii!”

Bucky took a breath and opened the door, his expression calm yet barely holding it together. There you stood, wobbling slightly, hair slightly mussed, and an unmistakable grin on your face when you saw him.

“Oh! Sarah, you changed! You look so much taller… and more... Bucky-like.”

“Uh, hi,” he said as he steadied you. “I think you might have the wrong door, trash panda.”

You blinked, frowning, and swayed a little closer. “Wrong door? But I brought sushi! And, wait—” You squinted at him, leaning in. “Bucky?”

“Yeah, Bucky,” he confirmed, holding back a chuckle as you gave him a suspiciously scrutinizing look.

“Ohhh…” you drawled, clearly trying to process it all. “Well, if you see Sarah, tell her the sushi is... sushi-ing.”

He nodded, keeping his tone light, even though his friends were probably eavesdropping as best they could.

“Will do. And, uh… maybe we should get you home?”

“Good idea. But you keep this. Looks like you could use some fish.” You nodded, albeit unsteadily, handing him a stray piece of sushi.

You gave Bucky a wobbly smile, one that looked a little too determined for someone in your state. Before Bucky could stop you, you swayed forward, making a beeline past him and into his apartment.

“Wait, Y/N—this isn’t… Sarah’s place!” he said, barely catching up as you staggered into his kitchen.

“Close enough,” you slurred with a grin, swaying dramatically from side to side as you reached for the fridge handle. Alpine, sensing a new friend in distress, trotted over, rubbing against your legs with enthusiastic little chirps.

“Oh! Hey, kitty!” you cooed, reaching down to pet her, then looking up at Bucky with wide, innocent eyes. “Sarah’s cat never welcomes me like this. See? She gets me.”

Bucky ran a hand over his face, half-amused, half-panicked. “Right. Because Alpine just loves guests raiding the kitchen.”

You opened the fridge door, inspecting the shelves as if on a mission.

“Where’s the… the ice cream?” you muttered, voice muffled by the refrigerator door. “Sarah always has chocolate fudge swirl, and I need it.”

“Seriously, you’re in the wrong apartment,” Bucky tried, sounding both exasperated and entertained as he reached out, but you sidestepped, one hand still on the fridge door, the other now waving vaguely in the air.

“Shhh, Bucky,” you chided, squinting as you leaned in further, peering deeper into the fridge with a sense of deep concentration. Alpine padded around you, her tail curling around your ankle, clearly thrilled to have you there.

“Listen, Bucky,” you slurred, not even glancing up, “all I want… is chocolate ice cream and maybe… maybe a good laugh. Do you have tissues? I feel like I’ll need them, like, a lot of them.”

Bucky couldn’t help the grin tugging at his lips. He tried his best to guide you away from the fridge gently, but you shot him a mildly annoyed look, shoving a stray pack of carrots aside as if they were personally offensive.

“Don’t you dare hide the good stuff behind the veggies,” you said, mock-scolding him as Alpine hopped onto the counter, watching the scene with wide, curious eyes, tail twitching.

“Really, Alpine?” Bucky muttered at his cat, who was clearly rooting for you and even pawed at Bucky’s hand as if to say, Let her have the ice cream!

“I knew you’d understand me, Alpine,” you cooed at the cat, as if she were your personal support group. “See, Bucky? Even she gets it. She knows.”

Bucky sighed, half-heartedly resigned. “You know what, fine. If Alpine says so, who am I to argue?”

Finally, you pulled out a random tub—yogurt, not ice cream—and peered at it in disappointment.

“Greek yogurt? Bucky, are you… are you okay?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, perfectly fine, thanks.”

You blinked at him, still clutching the tub. “Well, clearly, you’re living a sad existence if this is all you’ve got.”

“Or I’m just not prepared for unexpected trash pandas who raid my fridge,” he replied, crossing his arms, trying not to burst out laughing as you clung to Alpine for support, who purred loudly, delighted with the chaos.

“Fine, then!” you declared dramatically, patting Alpine’s head. “Alpine and I will fend for ourselves.” You turned on your heel (or tried to, at least), your balance giving out just slightly as you wobbled with an exaggerated sway. Alpine gave an encouraging “mrrp!” as if saying, Yes! Go forth!

Bucky finally took pity on you, grabbing a pint of actual ice cream from the freezer, waving it like a peace offering. “This? Will this make you happy, your highness?”

You lit up, the joy on your face as radiant as if he’d handed you a crown. “Now that’s more like it!” you cheered, taking the tub, your steps still swaying as you made your way to his couch.

Bucky followed you over, shaking his head as you sat down, giving Alpine a spot next to you. He sat down nearby, stifling a chuckle as you dug into the ice cream.

“So… just gonna crash here tonight, then?” he asked, leaning back with a smirk.

You waved the spoon dismissively, barely even looking up. “Obviously. And you, Bucky Barnes, need to get more ice cream. Greek yogurt’s just… depressing.”

He shook his head, chuckling. “Noted.”

You tore into the box of tissues, your frustration boiling over as you whipped open the plastic bag for trash with the precision of someone handling a life-or-death task. In one hand, you wielded the spoon like a weapon, in the other, a tissue you’d already shredded halfway. Bucky sat a few feet away, wide-eyed, clearly out of his depth. Alpine perched on the coffee table instead, her tail swishing in judgment, shooting Bucky a look that all but screamed, Fix this.

“You good there?” Bucky asked cautiously, his voice hesitant, like he wasn’t sure whether he should move closer or start looking for an escape route.

You let out a short, sharp laugh—bitter, too loud for the small space. “Good? Oh yeah, I’m great! I mean, how could I not be? My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with his assistant, who, surprise, also happens to be the same girl I fired for being utterly incompetent.”

Bucky, sitting stiffly on the couch, could only blink as you laughed. Not a gentle laugh, but one that bordered on hysteria, punctuated by short, sharp breaths. It wasn’t the kind of laugh that came from something funny; it was the kind that cracked through the tension when words couldn’t quite hold the weight of everything you were feeling.

“Oh, my God!” you exclaimed, raising your spoon as if to make a toast. “It’s just perfect, isn’t it? Fired her for being terrible at customer service, and what does she do? Rebounds as my boyfriend’s personal assistant. Like, how poetic is that?” You gestured with the tissue, accidentally flinging it onto the coffee table, but you didn’t stop.

“And then—get this—she blames me for her low self-esteem! Like, excuse me for not sending her a gift basket after she slept with my boyfriend. I mean—” You let out a bark of laughter, shaking your head as tears welled in your eyes, but you refused to let them fall. “You can’t make this stuff up!”

“And then tonight?” You gestured wildly with your spoon. “Tonight, I had to sit there, all smiles, pretending like everything was fine, because God forbid I let anyone think I’m not. And Carly—oh, Carly—had the audacity to act like she’s the victim. She felt bad about it! Isn’t that just hilarious?” You scooped another bite of ice cream, your laughter spilling out, sharp and brittle, filling the air like broken glass.

Bucky sat frozen, his jaw slightly ajar, his heart twisting as he watched you spiral. You leaned forward, still laughing, the sound echoing unnaturally in the quiet apartment. You looked absurd, sitting there with a tub of ice cream and tissues in hand, trying to force humor into something that was clearly tearing you apart.

“Y/N,” Bucky said softly, his voice barely above a whisper.

You didn’t seem to hear him, your laugh rising in pitch as you tilted your head back, wiping your face with the back of your hand. “It’s hilarious, really. Just the perfect little tragedy. I kind of saw it coming, you know? Rhys was always—”

“Y/N.” Bucky’s voice was firmer this time, cutting through the haze of your spiraling thoughts like a blade.

He moved off the couch, lowering himself to his knees in front of you, his steady blue eyes locking onto yours. The laughter caught in your throat as you met his gaze. There was no judgment in his expression, no pity—just an unwavering presence that felt like a lifeline. His gaze softened, like he was offering you something you weren’t sure how to accept.

“Just cry,” he said, his voice calm but resolute.

Your lips parted as if to argue, but the words wouldn’t come. The lump in your throat tightened, and for a moment, you thought you could hold it together. But the way he was looking at you—like you were the only person in the world—broke down every defense you’d spent the evening building.

“Don’t force yourself to laugh,” he added gently, his eyes never leaving yours. “It’s okay to cry.”

Your smile wavered, trembling at the edges before fading completely. You looked away, the dam bursting as tears spilled over, hot and relentless. A shaky breath escaped you, and your hands fumbled with the tissue box, but they were trembling too much to hold anything.

Bucky let out a soft sigh, running a hand through his hair as he glanced toward the closed bedroom door. He rarely, if ever, allowed anyone to see this side of him. Vulnerability wasn’t something he was used to sharing—especially not with his friends only a room away. But for you? He didn’t hesitate.

“Ah, screw it,” he muttered under his breath.

Alpine let out a soft “mrrp” of approval, watching as Bucky leaned forward, wrapping a careful arm around your smaller frame. He didn’t say anything, just held you close, letting you bury your face against his chest. His touch was gentle but grounding, the steady rhythm of his breathing anchoring you as you finally let yourself break.

He rested his chin lightly on top of your head, his other hand rubbing slow, soothing circles against your back. The weight of your head against his chest grounded him as much as he hoped it comforted you.

Alpine, perched on the coffee table, watched with what could only be described as smug satisfaction, her tail flicking contentedly.

Bucky’s awkwardness melted away bit by bit as he felt your breathing begin to even out against him. He let out a soft sigh, glancing down at you. Alpine’s watchful gaze was fixed on him, as if daring him to get this right. Bucky cleared his throat, searching for the right words, feeling more vulnerable than he’d admit.

“You know… you’re stronger than you think,” he said, his thumb grazing your shoulder without him realizing. “You take on so much, and you do it with so much grace. Even when you don’t have to.”

Your breath caught, and you lifted your head to meet his gaze, his blue eyes soft but unwavering.

“I know you don’t need me or anyone else to tell you how incredible you are. But, just… let someone see it, will you? Because you… you deserve that. And I mean every damn word.”

A smile tugged at the corners of your mouth, and you felt a rare sense of peace, your heart light in a way it hadn’t felt in so long. Bucky looked at you, his expression softening further as he took in the sight of your smile, his own heart skipping a beat.

Just as the warmth of Bucky’s words started to sink in, your phone erupted with an insistent buzz, breaking the peaceful moment. You glanced down to see Rhys’ name flashing on the screen. You groaned, but before you could even react, Bucky had snatched the phone from your hand, holding it up as it vibrated relentlessly.

On the fourth ring, Bucky pressed "answer," bringing the phone to his ear with a calm confidence that sent a thrill through you, his voice dropping to a dangerous calm.

“Rhys right? You know, she’s a little busy right now…” he greeted, the single word laced with a tension that could cut glass. “Here’s the deal: you’re gonna stop calling her. Got that?”

You watched, wide-eyed, as Bucky ended the call without waiting for a response and promptly shut off the phone. He set it down with an air of finality, his gaze meeting yours. Before you could form a coherent thought, a loud knock echoed through the apartment, making you both jump slightly.

“Y/N? I know you’re in there.” The voice outside was unmistakable—Rhys.

Your stomach churned as Bucky’s eyes flicked to the door, his jaw tightening.

“What the hell?” he muttered, standing up, his posture instantly tense.

“Bucky…” you started, but he raised a hand, silencing you with a look.

The knock came again, harder this time, followed by Rhys’ impatient voice. “Come on, Y/N, open the door! Let’s talk.”

Alpine, perched on the coffee table, let out an annoyed hiss, her tail flicking sharply as if she shared Bucky’s distaste for the situation. Bucky moved toward the door with deliberate steps, glancing briefly at the bedroom where Sam, Steve, and Nat were undoubtedly eavesdropping.

“Stay here,” Bucky instructed, his voice low and commanding. You watched as he reached for the door, every muscle in his body coiled like a spring.

The door creaked open, revealing Rhys standing in the dim hallway, his expression a mix of desperation and annoyance.

“What are you doing here?” Bucky’s voice was dangerously quiet, but the threat beneath it was clear.

Rhys crossed his arms, his gaze darting past Bucky into the apartment. “I’m here to talk to Y/N. This is between me and her, so if you don’t mind…”

“Oh, I mind,” Bucky shot back, stepping further into the doorway, blocking your view. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”

“You don’t speak for her,” Rhys snapped, his voice rising. “Y/N!” he shouted, his voice cracking with frustration. “You can’t avoid me forever!”

The tension in the room was palpable, and you stood frozen, torn between staying put and stepping in. But before you could decide, Rhys’ voice dropped, and the words that followed sent a chill down your spine.

“I know what you’re hiding.”

Bucky’s entire body stiffened, his hand tightening on the edge of the door. His head tilted slightly, and though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel the shift in his demeanor. The calm before the storm.

“Excuse me?” Bucky’s voice was low, deadly.

Rhys scoffed, his tone dripping with false confidence, voice low while glancing shortly at you. “Don’t play dumb. I know about the Emporium. And I know about you.”

Your heart slammed against your ribs, your breath catching as Rhys’ words hung in the air like a grenade waiting to explode. Alpine let out a sharp, warning hiss, her tail flicking wildly.

“Y/N,” Bucky called over his shoulder, his voice steady but laced with coldness that made your blood run cold. “Go to my room.”

“What? Why—”

“Now.”

The finality in his tone left no room for argument, and with a wobble in your step and the slight haze of alcohol still clouding your mind, you retreated into the hallway.

You staggered slightly, catching yourself on the wall as your eyes darted toward the only other door in sight: Bucky’s bedroom. Your curiosity—or perhaps your drunken instincts—propelled you forward. You weren’t sure why, but something about the tension in Bucky’s voice and the way he’d so urgently told you to leave made your heart pound faster.

The hallway seemed to stretch endlessly as you approached the door, your hand reaching out hesitantly toward the doorknob. You heard a faint shuffle from behind it—too faint for you to process fully in your current state—but enough to make you pause. Your fingers hovered above the cool metal, trembling slightly.

The voices from the other room grew louder for a moment before falling eerily silent, the tension almost palpable even through the walls. Your breath hitched as you gripped the doorknob tighter, the faintest click of the mechanism echoing in the stillness of the hallway.

The door began to give under your push.

Inside, Steve, Sam, and Nat froze mid-whisper, their eyes darting toward the door as it inched open.

tags: @winchestert101 @lomlbuckybarnes @lveegsoi @itsshellzy @almosttoopizza

@aami98 @hextech-bros @hzdhrtss @winterslove1917 @infqnitysblog

@ayayaeyato @blackbirdwitch22 @mostlymarvelgirl @bohoooitsme @crdgn

@yiiiikesmish @jae0515 @mrsbuckybarnes1917 @nikey-no-likey @aami98

@almosttoopizza @wisteriaandwafers @yiiiikesmish @marvelavengerspovs1 @xunquish-blog

@ppbhquinn @ziawbarnes @scott-loki-barnes @let-it-sn0o0ow @seven0714

@lostinspace33 @clockworkballerina @bonnie-bun

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bloomzone · 2 months ago

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2025 : #25 how to be a brand new person

Imagine looking in the mirror one year from now and seeing someone completely transformed ? Not just different clothes or a new haircut, but a fundamentally evolved human being with new patterns of thinking, behaving, and engaging with the world. This comprehensive transformation is not only possible but follows predictable psychological principles that we can understand and apply systematically !! (It's easy)

Understanding the science of personal reinvention

Before we explore the practical steps, let's understand what happens in your brain during major personal transformation. Your current identity exists as a complex network of neural pathways that have been strengthened through repetition over years or decades. Every time you think a familiar thought, react in a typical way, or engage in habitual behavior, you're essentially walking down a well-worn mental path.

Think of your brain like a forest where certain trails have been walked so frequently they've become highways. ur automatic responses, emotional patterns, and behavioral tendencies represent these heavily traveled neural routes. Becoming a brand new person means consciously creating entirely new pathways while allowing the old ones to gradually fade from disuse.

This process leverages neuroplasticity, which is your brain's remarkable ability to reorganize itself throughout your entire life. Scientists have discovered that you can literally rewire your brain through conscious effort and repetition. The key insight here is that your current personality and patterns are not fixed traits but rather learned responses that can be unlearned and replaced.

Phase one: Deconstructing ur current identity

The first step in becoming brand new involves taking an honest inventory of who you currently are. This isn't about self-criticism but rather about developing awareness of the patterns that define your present existence. Most people operate on autopilot, unconsciously repeating the same thoughts, emotions, and behaviors day after day . Begin by observing urself as if you were a scientist studying an interesting subject. Notice your automatic thoughts throughout the day. What stories do you tell yourself about your capabilities, your worth, and your place in the world? Pay attention to your emotional patterns. What triggers you consistently? How do you typically respond to stress, conflict, or unexpected challenges?

Examine your daily routines and behaviors with fresh eyes. What time do you wake up and what's your first action? how do you move through your morning routine? What conversations do you have with yourself in the shower or while commuting? These seemingly minor details actually form the foundation of your current identity.Consider your relationships and social patterns. Who do you spend time with and what roles do you play in those relationships? Are you the helper, the entertainer, the problem-solver, or the listener? Notice how you present yourself differently to various people and which version feels most authentic versus most performed . this observation phase typically takes several weeks cuz you're identifying patterns that have become invisible through familiarity. keep a simple journal during this period, noting observations about your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors without trying to change them yet. Think of this as creating a baseline measurement before beginning your transformation.

Phase two: designing ur new identity

Once u understand your current patterns, you can begin consciously designing who you want to become. This requires moving beyond vague wishes like "I want to be more confident" to creating a detailed profile of your new self that feels both inspiring and achievable.

Start by envisioning your transformed self in specific situations. How does this new version of you handle a stressful work meeting? What does their morning routine look like? How do they respond when someone tries to provoke an argument? The more specific and detailed your vision, the more your brain can begin creating the neural pathways to support these new patterns. Consider the core values that will guide your new identity. Perhaps your current self prioritizes avoiding conflict, but your new self values honest communication even when it's uncomfortable. Maybe ur current self seeks approval from others, while your new self operates from internal validation and clear personal standards. Think about the energy you want to embody. Some people transform by becoming more dynamic and outgoing, while others evolve by developing quiet confidence and thoughtful presence. Neither approach is better than the other, but clarity about your desired energy helps guide all other aspects of your transformation.

Design new thought patterns that align with your evolved identity. If your current self thinks "I hope I don't mess this up," your new self might think "I'm curious to see how I'll handle this challenge." These shifts in internal dialogue create ripple effects throughout your entire experience.

Phase Three: physical and environmental transformation

Your external environment & physical presence play crucial roles in supporting or undermining your identity transformation. Think of your surroundings and appearance as constant feedback loops that either reinforce your old patterns or support your new ones.

Begin with your physical space because it influences ur thoughts and feelings more than most people realize. ur living environment should reflect and support the person you're becoming ofc rather than the person you've been. This doesn't require expensive renovations ofc but rather intentional choices about how you organize and inhabit your space. Remove items that connect u to aspects of your old identity (I do this every year it's so helpful !) that you're ready to release. This might include clothes that make you feel frumpy or unsuccessful, or decorative items that represent a version of yourself you've outgrown. Replace these with objects that inspire and remind you of your evolving identity. Consider how your new self would organize their living space. Someone transforming into a more disciplined and focused person might create clean, minimalist environments that support concentration. Someone evolving into a more creative and expressive identity might introduce vibrant colors, artistic elements, and inspirational materials !!

Your physical appearance serves as both an internal anchor for your new identity and an external signal to others about how you want to be perceived. This doesn't mean conforming to superficial standards but rather making choices that feel authentic to your evolving self. Perhaps your new identity calls for a different style of dress, a new haircut, or changes in how you carry yourself physically. Pay particular attention to your posture and movement patterns because these communicate volumes about your internal state. Someone undergoing identity transformation often discovers that changing how they move through the world actually helps shift how they feel about themselves. Walking slightly slower with better posture, making more direct eye contact, or using more deliberate gestures can create immediate shifts in both self-perception and how others respond to you.

Phase Four: cognitive and emotional reprogramming

The MOST profound aspects of becoming a brand new person involve rewiring your thinking patterns and emotional responses. This requires understanding that ur thoughts are not facts but rather mental habits that can be consciously changed through practice and repetition. Start by identifying the core thought patterns that define your current identity. Common examples include catastrophic thinking, people-pleasing tendencies, perfectionism, or chronic self-doubt. Your new identity requires replacing these automatic thoughts with patterns that serve your evolution (it's so so helpful trust me).

Work systematically on emotional regulation because your emotional patterns are deeply connected to ur sense of identity. Someone who transforms from reactive to responsive has learned to observe their emotions without being controlled by them. This doesn't mean suppressing feelings but rather developing the ability to choose your responses consciously (⁠ ⁠╹⁠▽⁠╹⁠ ⁠)

Practice what researchers call "emotional granularity" by developing a more sophisticated vocabulary for your internal states. Instead of just feeling "bad" or "stressed," learn to identify whether you're feeling overwhelmed, disappointed, frustrated, or anxious. This precision helps you respond more effectively and develops emotional intelligence.

Phase Five: Behavioral integration and skcial transformation

Your new identity must be expressed through consistent behavioral changes for the transformation to become real and lasting. This phase involves systematically replacing old behavioral patterns with new ones that align with who you're becoming.

Begin with small, manageable changes that can be implemented immediately. If your new identity involves being more disciplined, start with simple practices like making your bed every morning or preparing your clothes the night before. These seemingly minor behaviors create momentum and reinforce ur evolving self-concept !

Pay careful attention to your communication patterns because how you speak reflects and shapes your identity. Someone transforming their presence might practice speaking more slowly and deliberately, using fewer words but with greater impact. Others might work on becoming better listeners or learning to express boundaries more clearly. Consider how your new identity navigates social situations differently. Perhaps your transformed self is more selective about social commitments, choosing quality over quantity in relationships. Maybe your new identity involves being more authentic in conversations rather than performing to please others !

Expect some resistance from people in your existing social circle because your changes might challenge the dynamics they're comfortable with. Some friends or family members might unconsciously try to pull you back into familiar patterns because your transformation makes them question their own choices. Developing the skill to maintain your new identity despite social pressure is crucial for long-term success 🪄 . Practice what psychologists call "implementation intentions" by creating specific plans for how you'll behave in various situations. Instead of hoping to be more confident, decide exactly how you'll handle specific scenarios like job interviews, social gatherings, or difficult conversations. This preparation helps ur new behavioral patterns become automatic more quickly.

Phase Six: Integration and Maintenance

The final phase involves developing systems and practices that maintain your transformation over time while allowing for continued growth and adaptation.

Create daily rituals that reinforce your new identity. This might include morning visualization exercises where you mentally rehearse being your transformed self, evening reflection periods where you review how well you embodied your new patterns, or weekly planning sessions where you align your activities with your evolved values.

Develop what researchers call "identity monitoring" by regularly checking whether your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors align with the person you've chosen to become. When you notice yourself slipping into old patterns, treat this as valuable information rather than failure. These moments show you where additional work is needed and provide opportunities to strengthen your new neural pathways. Understand that setbacks are normal and expected parts of the transformation process. Your old identity patterns have been strengthened over years and won't disappear overnight. When you catch yourself thinking, feeling, or acting in familiar ways, simply acknowledge what happened and consciously redirect yourself toward your new patterns.

Understanding the timeline and realistic expectations

Research in neuroscience and psychology suggests that significant behavioral changes typically require between 66 and 254 days to become automatic, depending on the complexity of the change and individual factors. Identity transformation, being more comprehensive than single habit changes, usually unfolds over 12 to 18 months for substantial shifts.

Sooo expect the process to happen in waves rather than linear progression. You'll have periods of rapid change followed by plateaus where changes integrate and solidify. Some days you'll feel completely transformed, while others you might feel like you're back to square one. This fluctuation is normal and doesn't indicate failure.

The most important insight about becoming a brand new person is that you're not actually changing your essential self but rather removing layers of conditioning and learned patterns that may have obscured your authentic nature. True transformation feels like coming home to yourself rather than becoming someone foreign.

Your new identity should feel like an expansion of possibility rather than a constraint or performance. When the changes feel forced or unnatural, it usually means you're trying to adopt someone else's version of improvement rather than evolving into your own authentic next level.

Remember that becoming brand new is ultimately about conscious choice rather than unconscious habit. Every moment offers an opportunity to choose thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that align with who you want to be rather than who you've been. This conscious choosing, practiced consistently over time, is what creates lasting transformation and allows you to become genuinely new while remaining authentically yourself. ✒️

@bloomzone

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astrocafecoffee · 11 months ago

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Solar return obs. Part 2

✨ For entertainment purposes only, enjoy my lovely peoples ✨

🍁 SOLAR RETURN INDICATORS

🍁 SOLAR RETURN OBS. PART 1

~~~~~~~~~~~~❤️❤️~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

❣️ sun sextile Venus in solar return chart - this year can be a good period for persuing artistic or aesthetic interests. In general, this year you will socialize more , will encounter romantic connections. But I know many of you will ask me "but my sun is in 8th house🙂, it's contrasting".. let me tell you, this means you will maintain a healthy balance between your private and social life. That's it. I mean socialising more won't burnt you out.

❣️ sun conjunct boda could mean meeting with your fs or a very serious romantic partner.

❣️ Mars opposite venus could mean that there will be a challenge in your relationships with others ( family members, friends, romantic partner ). There will be a push -pull dynamics in how you persue your goals or relationships. Try to solve conflicts with patience.

❣️ Groom / briede in 7th house or conjunct sun could mean meeting with your fs.

❣️ Groom/ Briede conjunct mercury - if you meet your fs this yr , then this could mean you will talk with them alot. Check the house/ signs to know more. For example if it's in 8th house/ in Scorpio/ in 8° you will talk about deeper meanings of our life. You could talk about spirituality, astrology too 😁.

❣️ ascendant at 4°/ 16°/ 28° - this year could be a year of strengthening family bonds and dealing with home related matters.This could mean shifting to a new home/ making changes to your living situation. And, also People seeing you as a comforting figure.

❣️ ascendant at 5°/ 17°/ 29° - you may find yourself spotlight more often. You might experience a boost of confidence. You will shine in your social settings. This year could encourage you to take on leadership roles. Moreover, you will be happy. And yeah romantic encounters can occur or in general people admiring you more.

❣️ ascendant at 8°/ 20° - this year might bring significant personal growth , as you confront and transform aspects of yourself and your life , that no longer serve you. You might prefer to keep certain aspects of your life private and more selective about what you reveal to others .

❣️ moon in Aries / at 1°, 13°, 25° in SRC can signify your emotional responses maybe immediate and intense. You might find yourself reacting quickly to any situations , with a tendency to act on your feelings rather than ponder them. This year you will learn how to manage your impulsive tendencies and how to communicate thoroughly.

❣️ moon in Virgo / at 6° , 18° could mean you will be more productive or improving your efficiency in your daily tasks. Also this could mean people asking for your help more than usual for certain activities or you offering practical help or contributing to the well being of those around you.

❣️ Sun opposite Jupiter could mean increased social activity or engagement with influential people . Networking or forming new connection might be prominent themes this year. Also there may be risk of overconfidence or taking on more than you can handle. You may need to be cautious about over extending yourself or making promises that are difficult to keep.

❣️ Venus trine / sextile Jupiter could mean you might find opportunities for making money through enjoyable activities or investments , I mean overall your financial situation may improve. Also you might find yourself indulging in pleasurable activities , enjoying good times with friends and family or engaging in pursuits that bring you happiness.

❣️ juno trine/ sextile groom - significant year of meeting your fs. If you are in a relationship , then this could be a time for deepening your connection and solidifying your commitment.

❣️ juno trine / sextile Saturn - can indicate meeting with your fs or deepening your connection with your fs. In general, you will approach relationships with greater maturity and responsibility. If you had any relationship issues then this year can provide an opportunity to address and resolve this issues.

❣️ Europa/Fama conjunct rising - you will gain some kind of popularity this year, like , people noticing your work and appreciating. It could be for your looks also.

❣️Chiron in 3rd house - you could often stop socialising this year or less communicating With your family and friends.

❣️ Juno Square sun - if you have this in your SRC, then this means this year you will find a clarity about your needs in Your relationships. What quality you actually want in your partner, how relationship actually works, and what to do to maintain a healthy relationship.

❣️ Sun conjunct mars could mean you will likely be more focused on your personal ambitions and goals. The sun is you here. You may find yourself more assertive and proactive , willing to take bold actions to achieve your objectives. But don't take impulsive actions or decisions. Be mindful of acting without fully considering the consequences.

❣️3rd house ruler in 12th house - this could mean you might be drawn to foreign travel , especially for spiritual or educational purposes. You might work in or be connected to institutions related to hospitals or charitable organisations , where your communication skills play a role. Also ,You will talk more with foreign peoples.

❣️1st house ruler in 10th house - this year may bring opportunities for career advancement or a new professional role that aligns closely with your personal goals and values. You may find yourself in situations where you need to assert your authority or guide others. You might also experience increased visibility or be in the public eye more than usual.

❣️1st ruler in 5th house - you may find yourself more engaged in artistic or creative projects. Your relationship with childrens could be prominent and new romantic connection can occur also. your individuality might be more visible through how you choose to spend your time and what you are passionate about.

❣️ 1st ruler in 11th house - engaging with like minded individuals or contributing to collective goals could be important to you this year. This could include joining clubs , associations or social groups where you can contribute and connect with others. This could also mean you focusing on your long term goals and aspirations.

❣️4th ruler in 8th house - issues related to property or your living situation might come up. You could be involved in managing, buying, selling or renovating property or managing family assets. This could also mean moving to a new home or you moving away from your family.

❣️4th ruler in 6th house- you could involve in helping your family members with their health or being more involved in service related activities. You may work from home . You may need to pay attention to how your work routine and daily life affect your well being.

❣️ Neptune at 3°,15° or 27° - you might feel drawn to explore new ideas , philosophies or spiritual practices. Also it's a good time to engage in creative projects or hobbies. But you need to balance idealism with practicality. Stay grounded.

❣️ 9th house ruler in 11th house - if your interests include travel , you might engage with social networks or groups related to your travel goals or experiences . This could involve connecting with people from different cultures or pursuing international collaborations.

❣️10th ruler in 11th house - this year being active in social or professional networks could lead to new opportunities or recognition/ working with others is significant. Also you could adopt new technologies or explore unconventional Career paths. Charitable work or activism is important too.

❣️ Chiron conjunct moon - this year you might find yourself revisiting past traumas or emotional wounds , particularly related to family, childhood, personal security. Journaling and meditation can help you gain insights and process your feelings. Prioritise self care.

❣️Venus conjunct Pluto could mean you might go through a period of self discovery where you redefine what you value and how you want to approach your financial and personal life.

❣️ mercury conjunct part of fortune - your problem solving abilities could be particularly strong. You may discover innovative solution to your challenges. Also focus on building and strengthening connections that can support your personal and professional goals.

Thanks for reading ✨

- PIKO ❤️

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airosuiren · 3 months ago

Text

Soo things you need t know before you read my new fic

A/N: This is a character sheet for my next fic that will be posted soon! Make sure to go through it for it (the fic) to make sense.

Edit: The FIC IS OUTTT!! Click here Part 1, Part 2 , Part 3 , Part 4, Epilogue

The Han Crime Family

A multigenerational, ultra-wealthy Korean mafia family running both high-society businesses and a cold, efficient criminal empire from Seoul. Everyone in this family plays a role

1. Han Byung-chul (한병철) – The Grandfather, Founding Boss

Age: 76

Built the family from nothing—started in Busan running docks, expanded to Seoul.

Traditional, ruthless, and respected like a godfather.

Lives in a fortified hanok estate in Gyeonggi-do.

Keeps the family in line through fear and legacy.

“Blood can’t be washed away. It gets passed down.”

2. Shim Soon-ja (심순자) – The Grandmother, Quiet Power

Age: 74

Never raised her voice, but made men disappear with a phone call.

Keeps a network of loyal housekeepers, drivers, and retired spies.

Trusted more than most of the younger generation.

Still pulls strings behind the curtain.

“People assume kindness is weakness. I encourage that.”

3. Han Tae-joon (한태준) – The Father, Current Boss

Age: 48

Cold, methodical, efficient. Took over at 38 after

Runs the family like a CEO, not a thug. Clean hands, dirt everywhere else.

shows affection to his wife and [Y/N], but watches everything.

“This ist a family. Not an organization with the same last name.”

4. Choi Eun-mi (최은미) – The Mother, Political Fixer

Age: 45

Ex-lawyer and daughter of a powerful politician. Handles bribes, scandals, and government ties.

More dangerous socially than anyone physically.

Keeps her kids close

“There’s nothing more useful than a grateful politician.”

The Children:

5. Han Jun-seo (한준서) – Eldest Son, The Reluctant Successor

Age: 26

Quiet, stoic, trained for leadership since birth.

Ivy League grad in business,

Keeps his emotions buried deep.

Has a scar from the top of his right eyebrow down till the upper lip

Due to his scar was called “ugly” and wears a mask but is actually very hot and is muscular.

6. Han So-min (한소민) – Younger Daughter, The Mastermind

Age: 23

Brilliant strategist. Specializes in tech crimes, psychological manipulation, and laundering.

Closer to her mother than anyone else.

“If they think I’m just the quiet one, good.”

7. Han Ji-yoon (한지윤) – Twin Daughter, The Firestarter

Age: 18

Reckless, bold, charming. Thinks rules are meant to be bent until they break.

Handles nightclub fronts and courier operations.

Wild card energy—Tae-joon fears she’ll get herself or someone else killed.

“I was born into chaos. I’m just playing the part.”

8. Han Ji-ho (한지호) – Twin Son, The Watcher

Age: 18

Quiet, calculating, always observing. Genius-level hacker and surveillance expert.

Speaks only when necessary. Possibly autistic, but never diagnosed.

Has dirt on everyone in the family, including his parents.

“I don’t fight. I expose.”

NEXT (The Spirits)

Yoon Ji-hwan (윤지환) – The Watchful Butler

Role (in life): Head Butler

Age at Death: 67

Specialty: Observation, estate history, subtle manipulation

Personality: Calm, cunning, fatherly

Ghost Form: Always in a crisp three-piece suit, gloves on, spectacles perched low

Quirk (in death): Can move objects like books and pens, often “tidies” rooms around [Y/N]

Quote: “Control is not about shouting. It’s about being the last voice in the room.”

Choi Mi-kyung (최미경) – The Silent Knife

Role (in life): Head Maid

Age at Death: 61

Specialty: Etiquette, internal politics, social warfare

Personality: Sharp, strict, maternal in a cold way

Ghost Form: Traditional hanbok with spotless apron, hair in a tight bun, eyes like razors

Quirk (in death): Can whisper directly into [Y/N]’s ear during formal situations

Quote: “You don’t need to be loud to be heard. You just need to be correct.”

Jung Tae-won (정태원) – The Iron Bodyguard

Role (in life): Head of Security

Age at Death: 54

Specialty: Close-quarters combat, protection protocol, intimidation

Personality: Blunt, loyal, battle-hardened

Ghost Form: Stands tall in black combat gear, faint scar over his jaw

Quirk (in death): Temporarily possesses [Y/N] to fight when she’s in danger

Quote: “Stand like you own the ground. Even when you bleed on it.”

Seo Min-jae (서민재) – The Ghost Blade

Role (in life): Head Assassin

Age at Death: Unknown (records erased)

Specialty: Silent kills, stealth, enemy profiling

Personality: Cold, cynical, loyal only to those who earn it

Ghost Form: Shadowy silhouette with crimson edge to his coat, never fully visible

Quirk (in death): Can possess [Y/N] in moments of violent danger, and uses mirrors to appear

Quote: “Mercy is a privilege. And I’m not in the business of charity.”

Kang Dae-shik (강대식) – The Chef of Memory

Role (in life): Head Cook

Age at Death: 72

Specialty: Traditional Korean cuisine, emotional imprint cooking

Personality: Warm, boisterous, nostalgic

Ghost Form: Apron over old hanbok, always wiping hands on a towel

Quirk (in death): Can possess [Y/N] to cook forgotten family recipes perfectly

Quote: “You can’t rebuild trust with words. But a bowl of soup? That’s a start.”

Next (The Servents)

Baek Woo-jin (백우진) – The Current Butler

Trained by: Yoon Ji-hwan

Age: 38

Specialty: Estate operations, diplomacy, damage control

Personality: Polished, discreet, dry-witted

Appearance: Always in tailored suits, silver-rimmed glasses, never flustered

Skills: Multi-lingual, masters-level etiquette, and blackmail collection

Relationship to [Y/N]: Treats her like a sovereign; makes sure she never lifts a finger unnecessarily

Quote: “If I do my job right, no one remembers I was ever there.”

Choi Mi-kyung (최미경) – The Current Head Maid

(Note: same name as the former head maid; a chosen namesake and spiritual heir)

Trained by: Choi Mi-kyung (Spirit)

Age: 30

Specialty: House protocol, staff loyalty, covert operations through domestic channels

Personality: Stern but soft-spoken, impeccably graceful

Appearance: Neat bun, pressed uniform, steady eyes

Skills: Internal intel gathering, poison detection, household espionage

Relationship to [Y/N]: Deeply respectful—sees her as the fulfillment of the legacy she was trained to support

Quote: “Clean homes, quiet halls, and no threats behind the curtains. That’s my job.”

Lee Hyun-woo (이현우) – The Current Head Bodyguard

Trained by: Jung Tae-won

Age: 35

Specialty: Close protection, strategic defense layouts, counter-surveillance

Personality: Stoic, commanding, lives by protocol

Appearance: Broad build, close-cropped hair, tactical calm

Skills: Krav Maga, long-range sniping, pressure-point immobilization

Relationship to [Y/N]: Protective in silence—often stationed outside her door even when not scheduled

Quote: “If someone makes it to her, it means I’ve already failed.”

Nam Ki-ha (남기하) – The Current Head Assassin

Trained by: Seo Min-jae

Age: 33

Specialty: Elimination, infiltration, trace-less disappearance

Personality: Ice-cold, dry-humored, loyal only to the Han bloodline

Appearance: Always in black, with a single ring he turns before each kill

Skills: Disguise, poisons, nerve strikes, terrain-based combat

Relationship to [Y/N]: Intensely respectful—calls her “my queen” in private briefings

Quote: “Everyone bleeds. The difference is who gets to stand after.”

Park Seo-jun (박서준) – The Current Head Cook

Trained by: Kang Dae-shik

Age: 42

Specialty: Heritage cuisine, performance cooking, emotional resonance through food

Personality: Warm, chatty, philosophical

Appearance: Rolled-up sleeves, apron dusted with flour, tattoos of peppers and fish bones

Skills: Psychological profiling through taste, speed prep under pressure, brewing comfort in silence

Relationship to [Y/N]: Treats her like a beloved daughter; often feeds her even if she says she isn’t hungry

Quote: “You can lie with words, but not with your appetite.”

A/N: Its confusing when you read it without this so i decided to post this just for clarification. The first Par will be posted soon

Taglist: @kittzu, @trashlanternfish360, @ottjhe, @moonieper, @feral-childs-word, @tinybrie,@xomarryamox, @fawnqueenbrowsing, @wpdarlingpan, @leeiasure, @xzmickeyzxkey, @enchantingarcadecreation

Old Taglist: @trashlanternfish360, @nixxiev, @eclipse-msoul, @plsfckmedxddy, @viilan, @rattyrattyratty, @texas-fox, @1abi, @niamcarlin,@tomoyaki, @silken-moons.

#𝔖𝔲𝔦𝔯𝔢𝔫 𝔚𝔯𝔦𝔱𝔢𝔰 #batman #x reader #neglected reader #batfam #fanfic #batfamily #batkids #yandere batfam #batfam x neglected reader #yandere batman #yandere #soft yandere #yandere male #male yandere #yandere x darling #original character #character sheet

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monsterboness · 4 months ago

Text

practice - one

summary: y/n, a former teen sitcom star and current voice actor who never had time for love, has landed her first leading role in a movie. unfortunately, she needs some extra practice with certain scenes and, fortunately, her co-star is willing to help out

pairing: bill skarsgård x female reader

warnings: shy reader, mentions of sex and virginity, self-consciousness and anxiety, nerves, kissing, costars to friends to lovers (eventually)

word count: 2748 words

a/n: another fic based on a dream i had 🙈 this series will get smuttier as it goes on (also bc this is based on a dream i had, the reader is heavily based on me (29 and painfully shy))

Love at first sight wasn’t real, but it was a myth that Y/N was all too familiar with. She’d played the part of a lovesick teenager many times in the past, on-screen, in voiceover, and in real life, but the real thing just never caught up to her.

‘I’m just focusing on my career right now’ or ‘I just haven’t met the right person’ were her standard responses when being quizzed about her love life, and while they were true, there was one reason that she kept close to her chest.

The thought of being intimate with another person terrified her. And that left her hiding in recording studios, pushing 30, having never had sex, a boyfriend, or even a real first kiss.

When Y/N first accepted the role, she accepted the fact that she would have to get close to her male co-star, but she’d severely underestimated just how close that would be. She was about to go from chaste, closed-mouth kissing on a children’s network to being topless in a movie for adults.

“You’ll be fine, Y/N,” the director had told her. “It’s a closed set; we’ve got an intimacy coordinator, and I’m sure you’ll get on with your co-star. He’s great, it’ll be love at first sight.”

She’d scoffed at that, but as soon as she’d laid eyes on him, she was more inclined to believe in lust at first sight.

Y/N knew that Bill was attractive - she’d seen his work many times - but seeing him in the flesh was a completely different experience. Everything about him was striking: his sharp features, his beautiful eyes, the soft, shy smile he gave her every time he saw her, and the way he towered over her made her weak in the knees. If she was standing next to anyone else like him she would have felt intimidated, but he always put her at ease.

What struck her the most was just how sweet he was. He always gave her the time of day, listening to whatever she had to say and asking for her ideas and opinions on how to perform a scene. If other people found out that her dreams consisted of him fucking her brains out, they would completely understand.

Being able to perform with him should have been a breeze - and it was for the most part - but there was still that last morsel of anxiety in the back of her mind.

The day of the first scene that Y/N was nervous about had finally arrived: the first of many scenes in which she would have to kiss Bill for real. And the whole morning, she felt like her heart was about to burst out of her chest.

She was reading over her lines in her trailer, trying to calm her frayed nerves, when she heard a knock at the door. Nobody was due to be on set for another couple of hours, so why was somebody knocking for her now? She placed her script down on the sofa next to her, the pages open so she wouldn’t lose her place, before getting up to answer the door.

“Who is it?” she called before placing her hand on the handle.

“It’s me,” Bill’s voice came from the other side.

A warm flush spread throughout her body at the sound of his voice. She quickly went back to the mirror on the wall and made sure she looked somewhat presentable - checking her teeth and fluffing her hair - before opening the door to let him in.

“Hey,” she said, trying not to sound breathless at the sight of him.

“Hi,” he said with a soft smile. “Just came to see how you’re doing.”

Something pulled in her chest. She’d been fretting about the scene for days at this point, and now the very man who she was worried about disappointing was standing right in front of her.

“Oh,” she said, surprised. “Come in, then.” She opened the door wider for him and stood aside for him to walk past her. The fresh scent of his cologne drifted into her nose as he brushed past her, and she fought back a shiver at being so close to him.

“So,” he said when they both sat down on the sofa, “how’re you feeling?”

“Good,” she lied, picking at the cuffs of her sleeves as she cast her eyes down to her knees. “I’m doing good.”

“It doesn’t sound like it. Are you sure you’re okay?”

Y/N breathed in deeply and let out a deep sigh before dragging her eyes up to meet his.

“I’m just a little nervous,” she said softly. More like scared shitless she thought.

“Anything I could do to help? I could run some lines with you.”

Her heart pulled again. He was so kind that she could have cried there and then.

“It’s not the lines that I’m nervous about, it’s the…” she trailed off, too embarrassed to say it.

He looked at her for a second, his brow furrowed in thought, before realising what she meant.

“Oh, the physical parts,” he said. “I get it, sex scenes can be intimidating if you’ve never done it before.”

“Well, it’s not just those scenes,” she said, fighting back her embarrassment to force the words out. “Even the kissing makes me nervous.”

“Why’s that? You’ve kissed on-screen before; I’ve watched your show.”

Oh, god, he knows how bad at kissing I am. She should have been flattered that he’d seen her work, but instead, she wanted to curl up into a ball.

“Yeah, but children’s television is, like, the last bastion of the Hays Code.”

He laughed at that, a soft and beautiful sound that she wanted to hear again. “Okay, but you could just mirror what you do with your boyfriend to make it easier.”

“Um, that’s the thing,” she said, looking down at her hands in her lap again as her hair fell into her face. “I’ve never had a boyfriend.”

“Never?” She shook her head and peeked out of her hair at him, seeing how he reacted. Thankfully, he didn’t look at her like she was some pathetic loser, just curiously.

“Is that so surprising?”

“Yeah, it is,” he said, making her head snap up to look at him properly. “You’re a pretty girl, so it does surprise me.”

He thinks I’m pretty? Y/N felt her face start to burn and turned her head away so he wouldn’t notice.

“How come?” he asked her.

She shrugged, not wanting to give her usual excuses, but not exactly sure if she could tell him the truth either. Her nerves started to crawl up her throat, and the small room suddenly felt smaller than it really was.

The feeling of Bill’s hand over hers brought her back. Gently, he wrapped his long fingers around her own and stroked his thumb across her knuckles.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” he said softly.

“It’s just so intimidating,” she said. “Being intimate with another person. I’m so used to people not touching me in that way that it makes me nervous.”

He nodded and continued to stroke her knuckles, his expression soft and reassuring.

“Maybe you just need some practice,” he offered. “If you’re comfortable with that.”

This cannot be happening right now. Y/N’s heart immediately started hammering in her chest, and she clenched her free hand into a fist to calm her spiking nerves.

“Y-yeah,” she stammered. “Um, if you’re comfortable with that. I don’t want to come between you and your girlfriend.”

“Oh, I, uh, I’m single right now,” he said, suddenly as bashful as her. “But I don’t mind helping you out.”

Hearing him say that he didn’t have a girlfriend set her nerves at ease a little, but there was still that nagging feeling that she was bothering him by being inexperienced and unprepared.

“You don’t mind?”

“Of course not,” he said with a gentle smile. “Just show me what you would normally do.”

Y/N took in a deep breath and slowly let it out through her nose before shuffling up to him on the sofa, their knees almost touching. Their hands were still joined together in her lap as she reached up to touch his jaw with a shaking hand.

“It’s okay,” he said softly. “I won’t bite.”

She let go of his hand and pushed herself up onto her knees to take his face in both her hands. For a brief moment, she let her eyes wander over his face, admiring how his green eyes sparkled in the light and seeing his full lips curl into a soft, comforting smile.

Finally, she let her eyes drift closed and leaned into him, stiffly pressing her lips against his and keeping still. She barely had time to take in any of him, she was so used to doing it the way she’d been taught to as a teenager: no lingering, no tongue, keep it brief.

One.

Two.

Three.

She pulled back sharply, immediately disappointed with herself.

“I’m sorry, that was terrible,” she said as she covered her face with her hands.

“No, it was fine,” he said. “Just, not exactly what we’re going for here.”

Y/N pulled her hands away from her burning face and gripped the side of the sofa, desperate for something to do with her hands.

“Here, let’s try it another way,” he said as he shifted to face her. “Is it okay if I touch you?”

She nodded, and her breath hitched when he reached up to brush a lock of her hair behind her ear. His free hand rested on her waist, and he gently drew her towards him.

“Just follow my lead.”

Relax, she told herself when she closed her eyes. Just follow him.

A spark travelled through her body when she felt his lips gently brush against hers, his warm breath against her skin, and she immediately relaxed into his touch as he pressed his lips to hers. His touches were soft, gentle, almost loving, as if the two of them had been doing this forever.

Tentatively, she kissed him back, her movements slow and awkward at first until she fell into a steady rhythm with him. Her hands drifted from the side of the sofa to his shoulders as her heart started to race again, but not from nerves this time. Y/N could feel her whole body run warm, and time seemed to stand still the more he kissed her.

She’d just gotten used to the feeling of his lips on hers when she felt his tongue swipe her lower lip, gently asking permission to enter. A shiver travelled down her spine as she parted her lips, letting him in to softly push his tongue against hers. A soft whine escaped her throat as her hands lifted to the back of his head, her fingers tangling in his soft hair and stroking the nape of his neck.

The hand that held her face drifted down to her waist, and he used both to pull her body closer to his, guiding her to sit in his lap with her breasts pushed up against his chest. She finally matched his movements, her tongue dancing with his, tasting mint and tobacco on his tongue, but she didn’t mind.

She wanted to taste every part of him.

Seated firmly in his lap, she fought against the urge to grind against him. It was just a little kiss, a practice kiss between co-stars that meant nothing, but to her, it meant everything. She wanted to hear what he really sounded like while in the throes of pleasure, not when he was just playing pretend. But she also didn’t want to ruin the friendship that they had just for her own selfish reasons.

His hands caressed her hips before one slipped under her shirt, stroking her soft skin and drifting up and up until she was sure he was going to dip his fingers under the band of her bra. Her skin tingled under his fingers, and her fingers tightened in his hair, making him hum in pleasure against her mouth. She was breathless and flustered, but she didn’t care; she just wanted to be this close with him forever. But it wasn’t meant to be.

It was over far too soon.

She could still feel his lips on hers when he slowly pulled away, and she had to force herself not to follow after him. Everywhere he touched her was warm, her heartbeat rising to the surface as he removed his hand from her back to push a stray lock of her hair behind her ear again. Her face was so hot she swore she could have melted in his arms if he hadn’t had such a grounding hold on her.

When she reluctantly opened her eyes, she noticed him looking at her intently, his pupils dilated and his expression soft. She could have kept eye contact with him forever if her anxiety hadn’t come crawling back up her throat.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said softly as she cast her eyes away from him, trying to hide in her hair.

“Like what?”

“Like you want to kiss me again.”

His eyes trailed down to her lips, and his tongue briefly darted out to wet his own.

“Maybe I do.”

His hand on her face pulled her attention back to him, and she studied his face intently. A faint blush dusted the bridge of his nose and the tops of his cheeks, his hair was dishevelled at the back from her fingers running through it, and his full lips were slightly parted as he breathed steadily, his chest rising and falling.

She desperately wanted him to kiss her again, not as practice, not as part of a scene, but for real. Because he wanted to.

Her hands shaking, she tentatively placed them on his shoulders as her heart raced in her chest. She held in a shuddering breath as she leaned into him once more, her lips just brushing against his as he gently stroked her cheekbone with his thumb. Her eyes drifted closed and she felt his warm breath on her face and was about to softly press her lips to his…

A forceful knock at the door yanked her back into the real world. Time resumed at its normal pace when Y/N jumped up in shock, her nails digging into his shoulders to stop herself from falling out of his lap.

“Hey, Y/N, are you decent?” her makeup artist’s voice called from the other side.

“Um, one second!” she called back as she stood up, sharper than she meant to.

Shit, how long has it been?

Her mind started to race as she scurried around the small space, trying to make it look like she wasn’t just making out with her co-star. She knew her face was still steaming hot, and the thought of the artist touching her face made her even more flustered.

“I should go,” he said with a soft chuckle as he stood up from the sofa. “They’re probably looking for me, too.”

“Oh, okay,” Y/N said, almost immediately calming down again. “Um, I guess I’ll see you on set.”

“Hey,” he said as he placed his hand on the door handle, keeping his voice down so the makeup artist couldn’t hear on the other side. “You’re gonna do great, don’t worry.”

Don’t worry. It was easier said than done, but if he kissed her during the scene the way he’d just kissed her on the sofa, she wouldn’t have any worries at all. She kept her gaze fixed on him, watching how his eyes softened and the corner of his mouth quirked up into a small smile, her face mirroring his before he turned the handle and disappeared out the door.

“What are you smiling about?” the makeup artist asked Y/N, breaking her out of her brief trance. She briefly looked over her shoulder at the door before moving around Y/N to set up her kit. “What were you two doing in here?”

“Nothing,” Y/N said sheepishly as she took her place in front of the mirror, trying her best not to blush again. “Just running some lines.”

The makeup artist didn’t say anything, but Y/N did catch the knowing smile on her face as she started on her hair.

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