#havent done one of these posts in a while.. been going through it. you know how it is

[zwierzodudle]

Contact: agata.jot.art@gmail.com or DMs

Reblogs very appreciated ❤

Same info in text under the cut:

Sketch/Render humans/humanoid commissions:

portrait: 40+ USD / 85+ USD

halfbody: 65+ USD / 110+ USD

fullbody: 100+ USD / 200+ USD

paid extra: complex backgrounds/decorations, complex armor, intricate tattoos/jewelry, outfit/character design

Sketch/Render dragon* commissions:

portrait: 40+ USD / 80+ USD

fullbody: 100+ USD / 250+ USD

character sheet: 250+ USD

*or other fantasy/real creatures really

paid extra: detailed rendered scales, complex backgrounds/decorations, complex armor, outfit/character design

Card type commissions:

300+ USD (style similar to the example)

600+ USD rendered (also for complex rendered illustrations)

Payment via Paypal Invoices or Ko-Fi Commissions. All commissions for personal use only.

I will draw: humanoid characters, real/fantasy creatures, anthro, robots, some gore or artistic nudity.

For stuff that doesn’t fit any of these let me know what you have in mind and I’ll price it!

[youreverydayfangirl]

DANCING WITH OUR HANDS TIED

pairing: max verstappen x singer reader

summary: the one where new rumors begin, secrets start to be revealed and they never stop loving each other

warning: online hate, mentions of cheating

a/n: after two months its finally here for you guys

face claim: sabrina carpenter (just had to because shes gorgeous)

f1 masterlist

main masterilst

series masterlist

landonorris has uploaded a story

seen by yourusername, exbsf and 4, 583, 586 others

yourusername lando as much as i appreciate you trying to do things right

yourusername the damage has already been done ive moved on

landonorris well i havent y/n

landonorris everything that happened is shit

landonorris you never did anything wrong and i let our four year relationship go to waste

landonorris both of us deserve better than that

yourusername i know

exbsf are you fucking kidding me lando

exbsf after all this bullshit your threatening me???

this user has been blocked

Things are heating up between Lando Norris and Ex Bsf after their sudden split

After Landos instagram story on Thursday ExBsf has since come to social media, talking about how she was blind sided by the break up and then further went to discuss how boundaries are important in a relationship and how allegedly Norris has been in contact with his ex girlfriend Y/n L/n and they have been seeing each other behind her back.

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

y/nsprivate has posted

liked by jimmyandsassysdad, thatoneartgirlalex and 30 others

y/nsprivate wtf is happening guys

thatoneartgirlalex KARMA IS WHATS HAPPENING

-> y/nsprivate FOR REAL THO

keekslikestospammmm BYE BYE BITCH

-> y/nsprivate KEEKS 😭

jimmyandsassysdad everything worked out just how it should've 🖤

-> y/nsprivate I LOVE YOU 🖤

-------

Y/n couldn't believe it, she just stared at her phone in shock. She had been scrolling absentmindedly through her phone when she saw it. The post. Everything had been coming to head for a while and she knew it, but to see the words written out in front of her? She didn't know what to do.

Exbsf had caused her so much pain and now? It seemed karma was catching up to her. It should've felt good. It should habe been validating. But instead, it was just old wounds reopening.

"Liefde?" Max's comforting voice rang out.

She didn't realise that Max had entered the room. His voice was soft, laced with concern. She gave him a small smile as he crouched infront of her, grabbing her hands to give them a kiss.

"Hey, whats wrong?" He murmured as he brushed a strand of her hair back.

She couldn't get the words out, instead she grabbed her phone and handed it to him. Max took one glance at the screen, his jaw tightening as he pieced it together.

“Y/n…” His voice softened even more as he put the phone down and turned his full attention to her. “It’s okay. I’m here.”

Tears blurred her vision, and before she could stop herself, they spilled over and she hid herself in her hands as they wrecked her body.

Her eyes met his, glassy and red rimmed. “I don’t know why I’m crying,” she whispered, her voice shaky. “I should feel relieved, but instead, it just… hurts. It’s like everything she did is coming back all at once.”

Max nodded, his gaze understanding. “Because you cared about her. You gave them a part of yourself, and they threw it away. That kind of hurt doesn’t just disappear, all I can do is promise you that I'm not going anywhere Mijn liefje.”

He pulled her close, holding her against his chest. He didn’t say anything more, just rested his chin on top of her head and rubbed gentle circles on her back. His steady heartbeat was a grounding rhythm, and slowly, the sobs subsided into quiet sniffles.

“Thank you,” she whispered, her voice muffled against his chest.

Max pulled back just enough to look at her, brushing a tear from her cheek with his thumb. “You don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here, Y/n. No matter what.”

------

exbsf has posted

liked by 20, 204 users

exbsf cause I know that you'll never feel sorry

oliviarodrigo hey! so never use my song again 😃

-> exbsf get out of my insta weirdo

-> sabrinacarpenter LIV 😭

-> oliviarodrigo what?

-> user1 HELP I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

user2 is that not y/ns sweater

user3 using livs song is WILD

landonorris has posted a story

-----------

Y/n quietly hummed to herself and she took in the view infront of her. The sun was dipping low on the horizon, painting the ocean in hues of gold and pink as the yacht gently swayed on the calm waves. She took a sip of champagne, waiting patiently for Max as he had set up a picnic for them. The soft sound of the waves was the only noise around, making Y/n feel a kind of calm she had never felt before.

“Y/n,” Max’s voice called softly from behind her, and she turned to see him standing a few feet away, his hands tucked nervously into his pockets.

She smiled, tilting her head. “What’s with the serious face? You’re usually the calm one between us.”

He chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, well, even I get nervous sometimes, come here.” He pulled her up and hugged her, swaying for a moment before pulling back. Before she could respond, he closed the gap between them, taking her hands in his. The warmth in his gaze was almost overwhelming, and her heart began to race.

“I’ve been thinking about this moment for a long time, and I know its soon but it feels so right,” he started, his thumbs gently brushing over her knuckles. “And no matter how much I planned it, I don’t think I could ever put into words how much you mean to me.”

“You’ve been my anchor, my safe place, and my biggest adventure all at once. Every day with you feels like a gift, Y/n. And I want that for the rest of my life.” He let go of one of her hands, reaching into his pocket to pull out a small navy velvet box. Slowly, he got down on one knee, opening it to reveal a ring, the diamond on it sparkling from the last light of the setting sun.

“Y/n, will you marry me?”

Tears filled her eyes as she covered her mouth with one hand, overwhelmed by the moment. The love in his voice, the sincerity in his eyes, it was everything she had ever dreamed of.

“Yes,” she whispered, her voice breaking. Then louder, with a laugh bubbling out, she repeated, “Yes!” She then leaned forward to embrace him in a hug, the pair kneeling as Maxs heart thumped.

Y/n leant to kiss him, Max meeting her halfway. Once they pulled back they heard a loud cheer.

Y/n spun around to see her four closest friends standing further away from them, Kika and Alex both crying, although Alex was comforting Charles at the same time.

“How did you?!” Y/n started, looking between Max and their friends.

Max shrugged with a sheepish smile. “I might’ve had a little help setting this up.”

Kika rushed over to hug Y/n, tears in her eyes. “We wouldn’t miss this moment for the world!”

Charles handed Max a champagne bottle, clapping him on the back. “About time, mate.”

Pierre grinned as he popped the first confetti popper. “We’ve been holding our breath in there for so long, but it was worth it!”

The night turned into an impromptu celebration, the five of them toasting under the stars. Y/n couldn’t stop smiling, her hand never leaving Max’s. And as she looked around at her friends, laughing and cheering for her and Max, she couldn’t imagine a more perfect beginning to the rest of their lives together.

------------

Y/n L/n is Back

After over a year of radio silence, popstar Y/n L/n has posted again, signaling a new album.

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE!

article about y/n feed

yourusername has posted

liked by maxverstappen1, alexandrasaintmleuc and 4, 586, 023 others

yourusername LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO MV OUT NOW

COMMENTS ON THIS POST HAVE BEEN LIMITED

------

OMG ANOTHER POST?????

i feel like i need to feed you guys, i'll start working on the next part soon

also felt like this was a good length one for yous

anyways a question for you. my main focus is finishing this series and then i'll give you the charles series but would anyone be interested in a lando spinoss series/imagine. i feel like man deserves a break omg.

anyway lmk xx

@lyannesworld

@pippyth3hippy

@scorpiomindfuck

@syddddddddddddd

@paigem00

@toldyouitwasamelodrama

@lilsiz

@chelle1306

@sired4urmama

@stinkyjax

@kiyomisan

@hotgirlslikemax

@itsjustkhaos

@sid-is-gr8

@mastermindbaby

@akkklys

@reidsworld

@tall-tanned-tattoo

@mrsmaybank24

@m1892

@taliya8346282844eliviahdgdajs

@midnights-lily

@skynel09

@grussellsprout

@comicalivy

@callsignwidow

@unknownmystery22

@nina-or-anna-or-nora

@exotic-iris13

@stereading

@taygrls

@sleutherclaw

@jxnellat

@nitiii

@mahii7 @hadids-world

@gentlemonstersworld

@nichmeddar

@mattymybeloved

@lilipiggytails

@eloriis

@loloekie

@dark-night-sky-99

@agustdpeach

@theblueblub

@formulaal

@delululeclerc

@lilmissdelusion

@splaterparty0-0

@g3org1al33

@aleatorio1234

@mrsbrxkkxr

@leclercdream

@yukimaniac

@kissesandmartinis

@charlesgirl16

@novelswithariana

@strengthandstay

@jiminssmallpinkyy

@lozzamez3

@hahdb8

@c-losur3

@elsoleil

@meow-143

@a-beaverhausen

@the-desilittle-bird

@novazsq

@amalasianbluegum

@xjval

@oikarma

[tridentkickflipper123]

Hi triad i just felt like letting you know this:

Finding you(and @/jaggybot3000) in my activity like twice shocked me becuz i love your/yalls arts so so much like youre also one of my biggest inspirations in this fandom dkdjjsjdjs. Really i love your artstyle, its so scrumptious to look at.

Im also gonna take this an opportunity to ask,,, do you have a cccc lore planned out in your head/written? Idk if this has been asked before—if it did i havent seen it... just curious, i like seeing different people's interps

hi hi!!! this honestly means so much <:} thank you!!! you're a very talented artist and you deserve to have your art seen, I'm happy to be able to share it ^_^ keep up the great work!!! (also Jaggy mention yesss. I love Jaggy's art too YAY)

also I do, in a way! I don't post about it as much since I like to express it through art instead… and I haven't been able to draw as much lately due to lack of time :'D and I also don't want people to confuse it with my personal interpretation of the album or my analyses of the album itself… I try to keep my personal 'verse' of the album (aka how I lay out the 'lore' into an actual more tangible storyline in my head) and my personal interpretation of the album (aka what I think the album is trying to say) separate… I try not to conflate the two, though my interpretation of the album does inform my verse, but not the other way around. I hope that makes sense :P

I don't have eeeverything figured out as far as events go, so I'm not going to mention every story beat, however I will mention certain stray concepts for some major events. I'll talk about it more under the cut for anyone who's curious ^_^ (WARNING: huge walls of text)

so first thing, in my personal 'verse' the story isn't a literal timeloop… (sorry timeloop fans). however it still is very much a 'cycle' of sorts. since the album's message of mental health being a cycle in itself with its ups and downs is extremely meaningful (and a core theme really) so while I don't see it a literal timeloop, I do incorporate it in a slightly different way!

one thing I'd like to explain, is that a few of the story beats / events only have happened once, rather than them being something that repeats every cycle. this is the case for my interpretation of the shot in RoE (different from the song RoE in the album… I'll explain in a minute) and Heart blinding himself. while some other story beats (pretty much the rest of cacophony) do happen every cycle, but they never happen in the exact same way. there's some variation here and there. some events happen earlier or sometime later, sometimes cacophony lasts slightly longer or slightly shorter… etc etc. also HMS generally remember the previous cycles.

so I'd like to start with the shot in RoE first. I actually think the shot happened before all the other events in the album. (this is due to the line in Mucka Blucka – 'but when he finally shot at me, lines once solid were blurred') and while I don't consider it the source of the dissonance itself (I imagine the dissonance started brewing even earlier, which slowly leads up to the shot) I do think it's the cause of the actual split / HMS seeing eachother as distinct parts rather than one single person. I don't talk about it a lot, but I do think of the shot as an actual suicide attempt rather than a literal attack. (I mean… it's very much what Mucka Blucka implies, after all) BUT, I do think that each of HMS remember the shot differently. Mind, of course, remembers it as an actual murder attempt on him, with Heart as the aggressor Heart remembers it as something done in self-defense, with Mind as the initial aggressor only Soul remembers it for what it actually was (a suicide attempt) I see it this way because I think the ensuing miscommunication would give some sense to each character being like that... they wouldn't be able to make peace with what happened until concord, where they're able to forgive eachother / themselves, only for the lingering, resentful feelings to spring up during cacophony again.

(also this should be obvious by now but of course this isn't me assuming anything about CJ's life or anything. this is me taking what's said in the album itself to form a fictionalized story in my head. I do very much hope this is straight up obvious, but I just don't want anyone to get the wrong idea or anything… orz...)

and of course after the shot, the cycle of calamity/cacophony/concord that we already familiar with begins. I always think that, once they re-split at the beginning of each cycle, the ensuing cacophony starts gradually, since Never Meant to Know and Spring and a Storm feel a lot like a 'calm before the storm' kind of thing to me, while cacophony peaks at TME/TSE/The Bidding.

now, as for the aforementioned repeating events...

I really really like to think of Spring and a Storm (and subsequently, Storm and a Spring) as something that happens each cycle... I imagine during Spring and a Storm, Soul goes outside and sits on a grassy hill somewhere until it starts to rain. Soul remains there, until Mind comes looking for him to bring him back home. I always imagine it's Mind specifically due to the existence of StaaS. in my head I've played around a lot with the idea of them having a chat under the rain, until Mind finally convinces him to come back inside. (I even have an unfinished comic about it... the unfinished comics curse...) I do imagine the talks they have during it are different in each cycle, but usually they tend to be Soul trying to remain optimistic despite him knowing what's coming, and Mind not really understanding why he's optimistic, completely unable to see things the way Soul does. <- this train of thought will come back once I get to StaaS in a bit lol

as for RoE, since I imagine the shot is something that has already happened a long time ago, what I think happens in RoE (as in, the actual song) is Mind and Heart remembering said incident, and being stuck in that mindset where they feel like they're reliving it all over again. I imagine the shot would have been very traumatic for them both (and Soul too, of course), so it'd make sense to me if the memory of it comes back to haunt them every cycle whenever tension starts up again. I think of the lyrics themselves as sort of the difference of how they cope about it? with Heart excusing himself and trying to make sense of the consequences he has (or, had) to face. while Mind... well, Mind is being Mind about it. he laughs about it as if it doesn't affect him at all, yet is adamant about how Heart should be facing the consequences for what he did. still, despite the differing attitudes from them both, I do think it would affect them both negatively equally.

after that follows Apathy, which I have a very specific perspective of (I actually have so many comic ideas regarding Apathy but... I hate drawing comics... :'D)

I don't really see Apathy as a literal hole that Heart falls into (though the imagery of unknowingly digging your own grave really is so cool… sighs…). instead I really like the concept of Apathy taking place in what would be Heart's room. usually just a normal, albeit messy room; but the moment Apathy starts, it becomes this long, dark, completely pitch black tunnel with seemingly no end. I have the idea of Soul going in to look for Heart, despite knowing how easy it would be to get lost in there. a majority of the time in results in nothing really, as even when he does find him, Heart is completely unmoving and non-cooperative with him. Soul tries his best to get him out of Apathy, but Heart doesn't really care about what happens to him at that point, and completely dismisses Soul. and even if Soul tries to physically drag him out it just makes matters worse. eventually, Soul stops going in to look for him. Mind tends to have an easier time traversing through Apathy – his light clearing up the darkness around him. but of course, Heart isn't really ever happy to see him, and if he's already uncooperative with Soul then he's even worse with Mind, who's way of helping things is really just berating and verbally lashing out at him until Heart does something. (which of course, makes Heart want to cooperate with him even less.)

(also fun fact, this post is meant to imply they're both physically in Apathy, hence the pitch black background and white light around Mind's head. yayyy)

I imagine Heart starts to get out of Apathy around Storm and a Spring; its effects would still linger on him of course, but he's far more responsive than he was before. he goes outside for once, where it's raining and Mind joins him, and they have a conversation that mirrors whichever conversation Soul and Mind had earlier in the cycle. however, Mind twists Soul's overall hopeful words into another chance to berate Heart. that being said, considering Mind's breakdown at the end of StaaS, I imagine he doesn't quite 'win' at the end of their ensuing conversation. which would lead to Mind deciding to just dismiss Heart in TME.

... admittedly I haven't figured out how I'd lay out the next story beats... so that's all I can mention for now! :'D I will say I always imagine it's during TME / TSE where the conceptuals come into play, but that's not a hard rule by any means and just a concept I like to play around with sometimes, haha. I do have a bigger post planned regarding my conceptual and semi-conceptual designs that I just haven't gotten around to finishing due to lack of time :'D but they do play a pretty big role in how cacophony plays out in my verse!

also sort of a late addendum, but I really like the idea of the first cycle being vastly different from each subsequent one... (it's also the cycle where I think Heart blinds himself, the effect of it lasting each subsequent cycle). I imagine that, due to the shot having practically just happened, tensions are very high and as a result they treat eachother differently compared to later cycles, most noticeable with Heart and Mind towards Soul. buuut I may just make a different post exploring that concept because I have... a lot of thoughts regarding it... and this post is long enough as it is, haha. I'm also attached to the idea of HMS becoming closer as the cycles go on rather than growing distant. I feel at first they feel like they don't really know eachother... seeing eachother as almost like strangers stuck in their own body, and then, after so many cycles, they feel they know eachother a lot better and generally feel safer around the other, especially when closer to concord. and while it's never perfect, they can maybe manage to reach harmony and stability easier compared to earlier cycles, perhaps as a sign of healing after such a long time... yaaay <- if it wasn't obvious by now the overall message of healing in the album is super important to me. it's the reason I love concord art so much <:}

so yeah I think that's all I can mention about for now as I haven't figured out everything haha. apologies that this is super long-winded (and perhaps confusing?). a lot of this is subject to change since my interpretations are never set in stone, I prefer to let my interpretation change freely as I notice more details in the album and such and explore different possibilities on what certain things mean :} I think it's fun doing it that way!

(oh and thank you for asking! this was super fun to answer as I don't get many chances to talk about this stuff LOL)

[ch3rriewine]

Photo Booth Kissin' {P.P.}

summary: Peter's an awkward loverboy, but he's your awkard loverboy.

warnings: none i think just fluff :3, TASM!Peter Parker x reader hehe, no use of y/n, reader is kinda like super girly w the bows and sparkles idk

a/n: I HAVENT WRITTEN IN MONTHS SORRY here tho!

Peter’s life was boring—peaceful, but boring. Don’t get him wrong; being Spiderman is cool and all, but Peter Parker’s life could use some work. The most exciting thing that has happened to him recently was the time he got two yolks in one egg. Riveting stuff, right?

During another one of his literature classes that he doesn’t know why he took, he spots you. With a bow in your hair and a knit sweater falling over your figure, your head propped on your manicured hand while scribbling notes with the other. You sit in front of him and if Peter squints, he can see the small doodles littering the pages. Before he knows it, the professor announces that the lecture is done for the day. Peter panics; he wants to talk to you before you disappear and turn out to be a dream, but what would he even say? Doesn’t matter anymore since he chases after you to the door.

“Hey,” he says, looking a tad flushed after tripping over someone's water bottle.

“Oh, hi” you respond, your eyes a little widened at the sudden interaction.

“I, uh, I’m Peter” he say, sticks out his hand for you to shake. You take it and tell him your name. He repeats it in his head about a hundred times.

“I just, uhm, wanted to ask about…” he trails off, trying to remember if there were any assignments given. “The essay he said we had to do, yeah. When is it due again?” he hopes to any higher being that there was an essay due soon.

“Ah, yeah, it’s due next Monday” you reply, giving him a tight-lipped smile, ready to go back to your dorm.

“Cool, uhm, thanks! See you around, hopefully” with that, he bolts, leaving you confused and flushed. Hopefully

The cute boy in your class wants to see you around.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

Two days later, Peter sees you again. It’s in the same class, and you’re as pretty as ever. He psyches himself up to sit next to you.

You look up from your laptop when he asks you if he can sit next to you. You nod, of course, and smile. He looks nervous, with fingers tapping on the table and cheeks a little red. It’s cute.

“Have you started on that essay?” you ask, trying to start conversation since it looks like he won’t.

“Huh? What essay? We have an essay?” he turns to face you, eyes wide.

“Yeah, the one you asked me about?” you laugh a little.

“Oh, no, I didn’t” his shoulders slump back down, and you smile at him.

“I didn’t either; I had other work to finish” he stares at you a little; it’s flattering, really. How shy he is around you. He barely knows you, but he’s convinced himself that you’re the greatest thing ever. He also may have looked up your instagram and fallen even harder as he looked at all your posts. Peter now knows what you ate at Thanksgiving 3 years ago.

“Same, I’m in STEM so you could imagine” he says, resting his head onto the table. Sleep deprivation a thing he is well acquainted with, unfortunately.

“STEM, wow, you must be smart then. Why’re you taking a classic lit class then?” Sure, you might’ve slipped in a compliment; it's not a crime to flirt a little. It takes Peter a few seconds to respond as he processes what you said, you think he’s smart.

“Uh, I was going through a phase with classic lit at the time, and I’ve been lazy to drop it. And, uh, I’m not that smart—pretty average actually. Like the most moderate person ever” He’s rambling and kind of lying. He’s doing really well in his other classes.

“Yeah? I think you’re pretty smart if you’re in STEM. Not everyday a guy is both pretty and smart.” His cheeks turn even redder, if possible, and he makes a sort of out of breath sound. “If you need any help with this class, I’d be happy to give you my notes on the book”

Jesus, you’re gonna kill the poor boy.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

From then on, you sit beside him and throw in some flirty comments while he struggles to reciprocate. It feels too good to be true, how you seem interested in him and how you eagerly talk to him after lectures, even giving hm your number to talk about “class”. He’s waiting for the day you ghost him.

“Hey, would you maybe want to, like, hang out? Like on a date or something? Or just as friends! Actually, yeah, just hang out as friends; forget I said date sorry,“ he flounders, waiting for the rejection. Oh God, he’s just messed up the whole friendship and you’re gonna think that he’s weird and a creep and-

“I’d love to go on a date, Peter,” you smile “I was waiting for you to ask.”

“Oh, great, is Saturday at 3 okay? I’ll meet you outside your building and we could walk to that arcade?” He asks, eyes hopeful.

“Saturday at 3 is great. I love arcades, but you have to help me with the claw machines” For someone so smart and handsome, he doesn’t let himself think people like him.

“See you Saturday, Peter” you tiptoe to kiss his cheek, leaving sticky residue from your sparkly gloss and walk to your next class. He stands in place, a little starstruck and a lot flustered. He leaves the lipgloss there.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ✩ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

Saturday finally comes, and now it’s your turn to be nervous. You’ve switched outfits countless times, your hair is out of place, and your makeup doesn’t seem to flatter you. You’ve settled on a pretty blue dress with tights to protect you from the small chill. Two little bows clipped into your hair and knit cardigan falling over your shoulders—makeup finally looking presentable enough with maybe a little too much glitter on your eyes, but whatever. Your phone chimes as you’re applying pink sparkly gloss, and your heart skips a beat. He’s here.

You throw your phone and lip gloss in your purse and bolt out the door. You spot him outside your building, as promised. He looks wonderful. Brown sweater and worn-in denim jeans—you can’t believe he’s so shy around you when he looks like that. He finally spots you, and wow, he thinks.

“Hey," he scolds himself for being so casual when he should be whisking you away to Italy, or something. He could’ve at least gotten you flowers.

“Hi, you look great,” you say in front of him, and seeing you up close is making him fall even harder, if possible.

“You look, wow, you’re just, wow” he can’t even believe you’re into him.

“Cmon, I wanna win some plushies,” you say, grabbing his hand and pulling him along. He grips your hand harder and laces your fingers.

The walk is calm and the air is starting to get cool. You talk about class and a show you started. Peter listens intently, making mental notes about what you like and don’t like. Your hands stay intwined, and his thumb traces patterns on the back of your hand. He’s gotten more comfortable and less panicky in your presence, so you get to see his personality shine through. He’s incredibly funny. You can’t stop laughing on your way there, and he can’t stop thinking of more things to make you laugh.

The arcade is dark, with flashing lights from every game. Peter goes to buy some tokens, refusing your offer to pay half. Grabbing Peter’s hand and making a beeline for the claw machines, everyone knows they’re rigged, but you don’t care. You eagerly take the tokens and attempt to win the Kuromi plushie. After the 5th? 6th attempt? When the claw has dropped the plushie, you give up.

“Why do they do this to people! It’s false hope!” you whine to Peter as he laughs at your pout.

“Lemme try,” he nudges you over and puts in a token.

You watch with eyebrows furrowed as he wins it on his first attempt.

“What the hell, Peter?” you crouch to pull the plushie from the machine.

“What? Do you not like it?” He faces you, examining the stuffed, is she a rabbit? What animal even is Kuromi?

“I love her; just, how did you win it?” You look up at him incredulously. He must have some weird power that makes him win every claw machine.

“Oh, I don’t know; just position it right?” He laughs, his eyes crinkling in the process. You want to smooth them out with your fingers.

“Thank you!” you’re genuinely really excited over a cheap stuffed toy, not because you really wanted it, but because Peter won it for you. You wrap your arms around his neck in thanks. Peter freezes. He fees like a teenager at how he’s reacting to a hug of all things. He snaps back and hugs you back. You pull away to kiss his cheek. This is the second time you’ve kissed his cheek, and he doesn’t know how he’ll ever get used to it.

“Lets go play games, pretty boy,” pulling away and leaving Peter to gather his brain and follow along.

You watch as he plays Pac-Man; its silly, but you love his face when he’s focused. Brows furrowed and lips in a thin line. He really is the most gorgeous man you’ve ever seen. And he’s infatuated with you! Of all people! You swear half the girls in the class have a crush on him, but he gets nervous around you. You play some air-hockey, which you won (he let you win), and he won you some more plushies and some candy at the infamous claw machines.

When the games get old, the two of you leave the building. The sun is setting at this point, and you’re dreading leaving him.

“Oh, look! There’s a photo booth!” you point, excitedly tugging on his arm. “We should take some pictures.” you drag him into the booth, both of your thighs squished together and his legs at an awkward angle. He feeds the machine a few bucks, and the screen starts to count down.

You put on a sickly sweet smile, scrunching your eyes while Peter smiles big with pearly white teeth on display. The second photo you lean into Peter and he wraps his arm around you, pulling your body close to his. The third photo, you go for it. You grab his face and kiss him. His hands stay in the air as the glitter on your lips transfers to his. You taste like vanilla. You pull away, a little anxious that he didn’t want it. Those thoughts get pushed away when he grabs the sides of your face and kisses you until you can’t think. His hands are warm and big covering your cheeks as his lips move against yours. You reach up to wrap your arms around his neck once more and deepen the kiss. Your lips move together in tandem as he strokes your cheeks with his thumbs, the movement comforting.

The fourth photo is blurry, and you walk out with all your lipgloss on Peter’s lips.

[ajastu]

thinkin about...how much i appreciate the way that talking about death and grief was handled in veilguard. I've been thinking about this topic a lot for the last several years bcs of...many reasons. So it was nice to see.

I guess maybe the best way i could put it into words is...Veilguard did not present grief/loss as purely a tragedy, but also as a part of life? the worst happens, and it might feel world-ending, but you will still need to get up the next morning and eat breakfast, you know? the unrelenting flow of time can be both a comfort and a pain, but no matter what it is in the moment, the fact remains that life Does Not Stop. And we have to deal with that somehow.

i guess one important distinction here. There is a difference between personal loss and like. A massive tragedy. I'm mainly talking about personal loss here, because the two are kind of different topics (that the game addressed differently, also, but this isnt about that right now)

Before i talk about the like, companion questlines, a very brief aside to the environmental design. Admittedly, i havent rly gone looking around the maps for the making of this post specifically, so it won't be too involved, but like. Arlathan, man. Loss and tragedy is etched over every part of it. the ruins, yes, but also...the tree people. At first glance, it is a sunny, beautiful location. And it is! It is also full of little stories of loss and desperation and everyday lives cut unexpectedly short. And you see it the moment you stop and look at it. It is easy to run through without paying much mind to it, but once you notice it you can't really unsee it. And it is still so beautiful and sunny. It's something i liked about the first Dishonored game, too, the juxtaposition of the environment with the tragedy. The sky is blue and the sun is shining when Corvo escapes Coldridge. etc.

Grief will find you again on a nice summer's day. You know?

You can't untangle it from the joys of life. And that isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just...neutral. That's just how it works.

One of the ways people deal with grief is through rituals to remember the dead. Funerals, tending of graves, etc etc. I think Emmrich's quests touch on that in a very nice way.

What i appreciate about that is, like...some people tend to have a fear and aversion to topics related to death. But these quests present it all in such a mundane manner. And you get the option to treat it as such, too. Of course, there is the option to freak out, also, but i'll admit i never checked that one out.

I think part of processing grief is accepting it. And it might mean many different things to many different people, but for me personally those funerary rituals, both big and small, become a first step. And it won't stop being painful, but life does not stop either. You have to choose to live it, eventually. But when you're afraid of taking that first step, well. The grief might just eat you alive.

Every creature's existence brings along with it the death of something else, whether intentional or not. Death is as much a part of life as breathing is, and so getting somewhat comfortable with the concept will help soften the blow whenever it comes. Because it will come.

Funny thing happened while i was playing the game for the first time. I got spoiled about Manfred dying, and when i found that out, i was like. OH NOOO not Manfred....im definitely 100% reviving him.

And then i actually got there, and...the game prepares you so beautifully for acceptance of personal loss. Of course, there is the bias of Ive Been Thinking About This Exact Thing For Years, but still. It felt more...right? to let Manfred go. It still took me a while to decide what to choose, but the fact remains that i had to really sit there and think about it, even though i thought i have already made up my mind.

And just...the whole Cyrian funeral bit. Oh my god. That was so beautifully done. Bellara's story in general was something i really appreciated, but that part was especially hard-hitting for me. Yes i cried. Life goes on.

I feel like it touches some more on the importance of processing the grief, so that you can remember those you lost with fondness and joy instead of just pain. Again, you can't untangle the two, but you can find balance, eventually. Facing that loss instead of running from it...it helps.

And this bit the game itself said in a way i do not think i need to paraphrase:

Death, loss, grief...all of that is difficult. It is also a part of life. And the thing is, life goes on!! I'm not saying that in a "get over it" way. I am saying that in a. ''Holy shit why are things happening'' way. I'm going through this paralyzing grief and life just keeps on happening. And you have to adapt to it, you know? You stop thinking about it constantly, in time. You find joy with the living. But grief will still find you on a nice sunny day...

I don't know. I'm probably not saying everything i wanted to, but it's kind of hard to keep my thoughts in order (plus, this post was a spontaneous decision n im too lazy to go thru the whole game for more examples).

But i guess the main thing i wanted to say is. I appreciate that the game gives you space to sit with it. To think about it. To come to terms with it, even, maybe. DATV did a wonderful job with handling this topic.

It is also tied into the main plot in ways that other people have talked about already. But yeah. The only thing i missed was the lack of a "let the bugs eat me" dialogue option when Emmrich asks Rook what they'd like to be done with their body after they die, but i guess we cant have it all dlkgjdfg

I'm just gonna conclude this with my all-time favorite screenshot from Disco Elysium

[deathdetermineslife]

No one cares about how you think being ficto isn't harmful because you're an anti. Your opinion doesn't matter anyways. Antis have done a good job of invading this historically proshipping space. You sure did do a good job at ruining this community. You've only been in this community since July and you've done nothing but indoctrinate children into your fucking cult. There is no safe space for real selfshippers anymore because you've made this community harmful. You can act like you do good by making templates and inbox games and "spreading positivity" (Which, you can't do by wishing death to an entire harmless community, by the way. But you're too stupid to understand the gravity of you hurt.) but you do nothing but spread harm through your posts by gatekeeping. There's no safety in gatekeeping. You've spread more indirect hatred through this community than anyone else ever has. I hope you sleep well at night knowing these victims of abuse you pretend to care about are being hurt because of you. Continue lying about being a victim yourself for internet brownie points. We all just feel so bad for you, an anti with no common sense. We built this community by hand and you've destroyed it. I hope you feel good about yourself knowing you've made all of us feel unsafe.

Go ahead and block me, I don't care. Just know we all want you gone. And whine and cry about how this is harassment, I really don't care at this point. Someone needs to say it to you.

there's so much I could say about this, but since it's Christmas eve, I'm quite tired, and I don't feel like trying to refute all of this gobbledygook, instead I'll just say this;

I just got out of church with my family, and while I am pagan, I had a lovely time at Christmas Eve service. at the end we held candles and sang silent night (which has been my favorite Christmas song since I was a kid, fun fact about me :]), and had a nice time seeing people I havent seen since last year. whether or not you folks out there celebrate Christmas, I hope tomorrow is a good day for you! and if you do, I hope you get all the presents you could ever ask for !!!

do something kind for someone this holiday if you can :) go say something nice in someone's inbox, draw them their selfship, whatever. kindness gets you a long way in life, no matter what other people may think.

have a holly jolly Christmas teeehhehehehe >:D

(also I know I said yesterday I would get out more pride stamps but I didn't have time today to finish the rest of them so instead I'll probably get them out tomorrow as a Christmas treat! :3)

[m3l0diisbl00d]

Hey, it’s me, 👾

While getting rid of the evidence,I had a revelation. What if our yandere gets dommed. I mean hands pined over his head, riding him through his orgasms without giving two shot if he’s overstimulated. Just imagine “I know you can do it. Just give me another one like a good boy~”

I need sleep, and thanks a lot for even reading this request.



👾

You never fail to surprise me, Anon, honestly you took the words right out of my mouth. I missed you pookie bear :) Eidon’s such a pillow princess on the inside, but tries to hide it. Ofc he can dom, he loves it, but the second y/n hears him whimper it’s all over lmao. (Guys get hyped because Umbilical Cord is coming out soon and I really want it to go well, writing Eidon on Aphrodisiac actually made me go a lil feral)

GUYS GUYS IM SORRY I HAVENT POSTED IN A WHILE IVE BEEN SO BUSY :( I MISSED YOU GUYS SO MUCH

EDION IMAGINE:

Mentions of: male yandere character, yan!sub, nsfw descriptions, gn!reader <3 dom!reader

Well, as expected, your adorable little boyfriend Eidon had been teasing you all day long. You could tell when he was pent up from work or stress because it was times like those that he couldn’t get himself away from you. He’d bend himself over just about every surface, and put his hands all over you the second you would cuddle. He had done it before, but this time he was really badgering you, giving you the perfect opportunity to playfully spank his ass. He whines in response. “You’re being very.. bratty today..” you trail off your sentence as you cup his cheek with your hand. “Please?..” he sighs into you, “I have no idea what you’re saying when you don’t use your words. Please what..” He continues to whine, pulling you into him on the bed and wrapping his legs around your waist. You cock an eyebrow, and he finally decides to speak up, whispering right into your ear, “Please use me.. pretty please?”

“Well, since you’ve asked me so politely..” you tease. “Here, come on and kneel right here for me.” you point to an empty spot on the bed. He crawls over and does as you say, so adorable when he complies with your orders. You take a hand and cup his cheek, trailing down his neck and then over his chest before squeezing his thighs, which makes him instinctively spread open his legs. “There’s my pretty boy..” you murmur before grabbing Eidon by his thighs and pulling him down onto the bed, yanking off his belt with a swiftness. “Mh- what are you doing?..” he practically whimpers. “Shhh.. just give me a second.” You tie his hands to the bedpost, placing a hand between his legs where you can feel his hard-on pressing against his pants. “God, look at how fucking needy you are for me… so shameless.” He blushes at your remark, his hips bucking up desperately. “Hey.. easy now..” a smirk spreads across your face as you enjoy the view. He was adorable like this, his lip trembling with his clothes hastily undone and his dark curls covering face. You savor each second greedily, leaning down over him to peck at his cheek, making him turn red.

You straddle on top of him, using one hand to brush the hair out of his face, pressing your hips down to make Eidon wiggle around even more. You pull out his cock, which sprung up with excitement. “So filthy, and all for me.. isn’t that right?” You take your hand and pump him with it, the sounds coming from him were enough to make you cum then and there, but you wanted to milk it for all he was worth, just for the hell of it. “Fuck.. mmh.. your touch feels too good—“ Eidon whines at the light touch of you hand. It was clear he wanted more, but he had to earn it first. You decide to be generous this time around and move faster, tears starting to roll down his pretty rosy cheeks. He tries not make to much noise when you kiss away his tears, but he just can’t help himself. He was on the edge of orgasm, on the verge of just screaming out your name then and there. “Ahh~ fuck y/n.. im gonna—“ with those words, you take your hand away, restricting his orgasm. Sure he whines and starts rolling his hips into nothing, looking for any kind of friction to help him reach his high, but he needed to understand patience. And also? C’mon. Look at that adorable tear-stained face, just so precious. The best was still on its way and yet to come.

You sit yourself down on his weeping dick, and god did he feel good. You expect nothing less from him though. His cock always filled you up so nicely, and the curve was enough to make you drool. It poked and prodded at your plush walls, causing you to moan out lewdly. “How’s that, baby? Do you like your reward for doing so well for me?” You tease, grinding your hips down on him. Eidon always looked so pretty when he arched his back and tried to wriggle his hands, you know damn well he wanted to grab your hips and slam you even harder onto him (bonus points for chubby readers bc that would turn him on even more). “Ahh!~ y/n.. please.. I wanna cum so bad.. I promise I’ll be a good boy for you.. please?” Eidon’s desperate pleas for your permission to cum were music to your ears. “Beg a little more first for me, sweetheart.” You lean to kiss down his chest while you ride him, he was crumbling in your hands. “Please!~ I love you so much.. I need you, I need you so bad— please, please let me..” Hmm.. well after all, he did ask ever so politely.. “Cum. I said cum for me, pretty boy. Awhh.. that’s it. You’re doing such a good job for me, now who’s my good boy, hmm?~” It was all over for him, he felt the knot in his stomach snap as he released a large thick load of his cum inside of you, painting your inside white. You stroke his face with your thumb, still riding him at a relatively speedy pace while he comes down from his high.

“Ah.. I am.. I’m your good boy— ah!~ wait! I can’t take anymore! It feels too— y/n!~” Wait? But you made him feel so good, the way his body shook uncontrollably post orgasm, his erotic screams and pleas, his eyes rolled back even more. Eidon, your pretty boy, all used up underneath you, turned into moaning, sex drunk fool, not expecting for you to keep going. “What’s wrong baby? Feeling used up? Awhh.. It feels like too much? Hold on a little longer, sweetheart.. I know you can handle another round..”

As the night progressed, you just stopped counting the number of times that you both came, but you did feel a little guilty for making him go on for so long, so you made sure to take care of him afterwards, running him a warm bath, giving him sweet praises and kissing him softly. Your precious, subby Eidon.♡

ᵀᵃᵍˢ!

[beneathsilverstars]

very possible youve done this before but…. can u come up with some hcs about how the party connects with nille? in a post canon hypothetical

(youve probably talked a lot about nille before but just!! general ideas. maybe silly ideas. anything u wanna share you havent talked about before. etc :])

Ok this is all minor spoilers for my currently unposted Nille fanfic and major spoilers for my currently unwritten post-canon fanfic but I don't care if you don't, let's go.

People usually write Nille as quite overprotective of Bonnie, and I do too, but I also write her as unsure that she's good enough to protect them! So her big reaction to meeting the party is "I failed to keep Bonnie safe, of course I failed, I was always doomed to fail. And these people succeeded!! Who am I next to the Saviors of Vaugarde??"

So she kinda feels like shit, personally. And she has no idea how to act around the party, because there's the way she acts around strangers, and there's the way she acts around people she trusts, and it is understandably bizarre for those circles to overlap. Since she can't be suspicious or friendly, and she's feeling somewhat useless, I think her instinct is to kinda just... fade back..? Which is upsetting to her in itself, which feeds back into the problems. But! Everyone is very determined to connect with her, and "we love the same kid" is a great way to bond, and Nille still has her usual Bambouche support system to help her sort out her feelings, and the party have been working on their communication skills. So they figure it out!

Her exact first impression of Siffrin probably depends a lot on how he's coping at that point post-canon, which isn't something I've decided yet... But it's some sort of strange mix of "I owe you my life" and "Wowww do you need my therapist's number" and "#Relatable /neg /pos". Siffrin meanwhile is anxious as fuck because he's not just meeting the most important person in Bonnie's life, she also has the power to break apart the family he nearly destroyed the world to keep together! So it's a little awkwardly intense on both sides.

Then once they get to know each other better, there's some emotional difficulty in how similar they are; it's hard not to compare what's worse, remembering shitty parents or not remembering any family, being alone or having to take care of a young child. So there's some pity and guilty jealousy on both sides. But also commiseration and understanding! But also they're liable to trigger each other's issues occasionally, what with Siffrin still having a rather poor handle on their own emotions and Nille disrupting the party dynamics. But they don't really hold it against each other; it would be hypocritical, and none of that matters compared to the fact that they've both nearly died for Bonnie. They like to go fishing together, sometimes Nille helps explain things that Siffrin only knows through muscle memory. And Nille does end up passing on some therapy tips!

Nille is a little star-struck by Mirabelle, who is the Chosen Savior of Vaugarde and only a couple years older than her and so heroic and nice and well-adjusted! Mirabelle is on a similar but less extreme wavelength, excited to meet Bonnie's sister who she's heard so intriguingly little about, but who must be so brave and cool! Once they get to know each other more it's kind of a confidence boost for Nille to realize that even Mirabelle has anxiety and imposter syndrome and is just some girl who found herself in the position to do something and she did her best to do it. And Mirabelle thinks Nille is just as cool as she imagined!

They end up taking some small classes together for fun at various Houses while they travel. When Mirabelle figures out that Nille isn't very good at reading, she reads books to her sometimes, and recommends her books that aren't too hard but also aren't too kiddie. One more for the girl's night book club! They have some good convos too about the balance of protecting and caring for a child vs giving them space to grow confident and independent, since Mira's parents were quite stifling; it's easier to find the acceptable middle range when you know what both failure modes look like, instead of just the one horrible extreme.

Isabeau is very friendly, and used to working with strangers and projecting an aura of safety, so he's got the chillest dynamic with Nille to start. He's the one who notices that her easy acceptance of the group was a little too easy and actually has some difficult feelings behind it. And he's been working on being braver, so he consults with his friends and then talks to Nille about it! I think it's a scary conversation but helpful in the long run, it's the start of establishing actual personal trust rather than just assumptions and idealization.

Since that precedent has been set, Isabeau becomes Nille's first choice if she needs to bring something up to the group. Doesn't hurt that he reminds her of one of the first people she met in Bambouche, too! On Isabeau's side, he likes having the opportunity to get to know someone new while he's figuring out his new self. And he's so delighted when she joins the war on puns as a whole new front: dad jokes. She wasn't even particularly into them before, she just wanted to shake up the battlefield. Nille and Isabeau also spar sometimes, because she hates how poorly she did at defending Bonnie, and Isabeau has the most formal/practical training in self-defense to pass on. (And he's the most willing to do physically-demanding activities for fun after already walking all day.)

Nille finds Odile intimidating. She's not sweet like Mira, or exuberant like Isa, or, uh, whatever the fuck Siffrin has going on. She's a full generation older than Nille and hard to read! Scary! But Bonnie adores her, and she's been making an effort to be more reassuring to Siffrin lately which shows, and Isabeau starts being more teasing-rude to Odile (the way she is to him) to prove that he can annoy her without repercussion which is really funny. So it doesn't take all too long for Nille to come down from high alert for the most part! And Odile respects Nille hardcore for raising Bonnie and takes her very seriously, which she appreciates.

Odile takes point on tutoring Bonnie, because she has some formal teaching experience and they're most likely to sit and listen for her anyway, but the others will give lessons on this or that. But Odile soon realizes from the way Nille hovers but doesn't help that she is actually further behind in schooling than Bonnie, and makes it her mission to rectify that. It's kinda rocky at first because Nille is both self-conscious of and resigned to her lack of education, but once she starts getting into it she really gets into it! This brings Odile and Nille a lot closer and Nille ends up admiring her a lot, especially as she catches hints of wild Odile lore.

Loop really likes getting to know Nille, since she never knew pre-loops Siffrin but she's still connected to their family. Not a stranger, not a copy, best of both worlds! Nille also appreciates having another person there who feels out of place in the party dynamics. She thinks Loop is funny, but also worrying, but they have enough people worried about them that she decides to goof off with them and enable them instead. Like yes it's probably bad for their mental health to make this kind of joke but it's worse to have everyone constantly analyzing their jokes' healthiness, yknow? Ironically, this (along with her newcomer status) means that Loop takes her worry more seriously and is more likely to listen to her than anyone else (except maybe Siffrin but only maybe).

Sometimes Loop gets a little too frantically irrational and it freaks Nille out because it reminds her of her and her mom's manic episodes. But she can disengage and tag someone else in, and see from afar that it all turns out okay! Loop gets some therapy tips from her too, but not necessarily the same ones as Siffrin. And they give her super shitty advice in return, in that way where it makes you realize how shitty it is and commit yourself to doing the opposite. They like to do silly things together that Nille never got the chance to do as a child and Loop doesn't remember doing, like rolling around in mud puddles and staying up all night just to watch the sunrise. Nille doesn't feel as self-conscious about acting juvenile because Loop is like a billion years old, but she also doesn't have to be in charge the way she is when playing with Bonnie! And Loop gets to make brand new memories with someone who has no old ones to compare them to!

Bonnie is super happy to see Nille for like, a day, and then they get really mad at her more often than not for like a week (because now that they're home with her it's safe to be distraught and uncooperative), and then they settle back into a more consistent dynamic. But it takes a while longer for them to be able to comfortably get any farther away from each other than maybe a room over; Bonnie confidently heads off and then suddenly comes running back, and Nille is so brave about separating and bravely panics the entire time. Oh well! The first time around it only took her a couple years to get to be okay with Bonnie being away from her, she'll figure it out again eventually!

There's no rush.

[kindred-spirit-93]

helloo who is your favourite character in epic the musical

hi anon!! polites my beloved darling pancake bespectacled loml <3

good lord i just realised ive never had the chance to really go insane about how much i love him and how i interpret his character & the headcanons and lore i have for him bc of studies and exams. but now that im free..... muehehehe >:3

--

AIGHT SO my first biggest and most prominent and by far the dearest headcanon to my heart (which is literally canon atp lol) is him being a medic! my bias for medical/ healthcare centric characters is showing lmao. sue me

as a medical student theres so much you learn about life and death both literally and metaphorically while studying. so many disciplines intersect with one another to create the art of healing, and albeit different from what is studied today, civilisations past had all sorts of fascinating ideas and concepts and cures and protocols when it came to health and wellness, ancient greece was no different!

to me he learnt all about medicine by shadowing the palace physician, possibly even being his apprentice, and benefiting from the royal library. courtesy of prince odysseus lol

(the lore i have isnt solid and still needs to be worked on, like for the oc twin sister i gave him hes the medic and shes the apothecary, but for epic purposes he serves as both lol. and is a childhood friend of ody and natives of ithaca. anyway)

and during troy he manages the medical tent and oversees it, leaving little time for actual soldier-ing, but dont let his kind smile and soft hands fool you, he can and will deck you before you can say suture.

--

something i see a lot of in the fandom with his philosophy of open arms is equating him to a smol bean whos too pure for this world and avoided fighting bc it made him sad uwu. and while he is indeed the most cinammon roll to exist i couldnt disagree more;

my mans lived through a decade of war u can bet his headband he slayed, literally and metaphorically, on the battlefield like it was nobodies business *snort*. he too has got blood on his hands and it isnt necessarily from patching up wounds.

if theres one thing medicine teaches you its both the beauty and tragedy that is life (and to me the wonder of creation); to know and understand deeply how imbalance affects the body and leads to illness isnt easy, studies have been shown that those in healthcare experience the pain of their patients.

being in charge of the livlihood of others can be extremely draining, bedside manner and taking the patients psychology into account are crucial and factor into the healing process. being a medic is no simple feat and needs a lot of resilience and healthy coping mechanisms to avoid burn out and a myriad of long term problems.

anyway all this to say if anyone dares to say polites is weak or innocent i will disembowel them with a rusty spoon. i havent reached my clinical years yet and im already done with everyhting. i can write volumes abt this honestly but this is getting long enough already lol

--

back to post troy when polites tells odysseus to take it easy "do yourself a service, and try to relax, my friend", in my heart of hearts the way i see this is as polites recognising how much damage ody has been dealt during the war, being hypervigilant and ready for combat at all times takes its toll on you and he sees that; "look at how you grip your sword, enough said", right after he advises him to extend trust and start with kindness.

the reason being the outside world isnt a battle field and he (along with the entire army ofc) needs to ease into society and life beyond war. now polites being a medic one of the things he exercises is compartmentalisation (which u need to stay sane. source: me) and this is what he teaches ody. "here we have a chance for some adjustment"

life is indeed amazing when you learn to greet it with an open heart and mind, and even tho we all know the fates are much less benevolent, i fully believe its still an important mentality to embrace and in many ways a skill to hone.

"id like to show my friend that kindness is brave" this is conjecture on my part but i like to think polites is reaffirming to ody that kindness isnt a weakness but a strength, again not out of naivety but of wisdom and experience, that doing good is more rewarding than not, but esp this next bit:

"i see in your face, there is so much guilt inside your heart so why not replace it and light up the world?" i will cry if i think about this too hard, but in essence poli has diagnosed so to speak ody and its has prescribed and walked him through a regimen of compassion and leading with peace.

odysseus has masterminded a decade long war, where he had to use trickery and guile and lies and strategy to win and make his way back home. ig its up to you how u want to see how odysseus deals with the pain and trauma of war and the suffering hes played a part in (if were sticking with epic we know fs that his actions haunt his days as seen throughout the musical esp via repeating motifs) and its taken its toll and polites bless him is guiding his friend through his grief, a grief he is no stranger to. ofc hes skeptical at first "thats what wed get with pen arms" but follows through with the philosophy and the rest is history lol

in all honesty i have no idea how much mental health and the psyche featured in the epics nor to what extent it was studied in ancient greece from a medical point of view but this is my interpretation i can do whatever i want let me have this pls :')

--

AND THEN we get to the ithaca saga when le suitor proposes to ody to have open arms instead, lots of posts circulated abt polites passing out in the underworld bc of the violence and generally disagreeing with odys iconic "no." and to those people im shaking u by the shoulders and begging u to understand that polites is wearing war paint and the stupid foam finger with #1 monster scribbled on it and probably deafening tiresias as he watches the carnage.

his philosophy has been disgraced and used as a last ditch effort at saving his own neck (you cant convince me he was being serious lol, pretty sure he was trying to buy time bc aint no way 10 years of desecrating ur kings palace and hes going to let yall go just like that? nah son) of course hes losing his shit and yelling at ody to beat their asses and make them pay for plotting against tele and penelope.

--

anyway yes hes my bean i adore him hes just like me frfr i look forward to writing for him (and maybe polibia hehe) in the future :3 tysm to anyone reading this far lmao.

@howmanyholesinswisscheese its ya boi :]

[medtech-mara]

Origins of Medtech-Mara

I was tagged by @clockworkvenus to discuss the origins of my username, thank you so much for thinking of me.

I wont be tagging anyone bc I am really late to the game as always.

I honestly havent done a tag in so long, but I'm watching a BS race at Monaco, so why not.

At first I was saying that its pretty boring because it was meant to be a placeholder, and if we want to just take it as that that's the tl;dr

however if you want to know the REAL reasons as to why and how, we got LORE.

I'd only been taking VP for about 2-3 months, i wasn't in the community and i hadn't touched tumblr since 2016 or so? I had posted in a few cyberpunk discords, but I was just not really that deep in. I was LOST into my campaign.

So I had UPPED my VP game one day and I thought: "Holy shit, this photo is TOO fire to not show off to the world..." I heard that the cyberpunk community was decent on tumblr so i thought why not.

So when I named the blog; I was thinking maybe name it after our project— only we hadn’t full decided where our story would end up taking place. Chicago was always up in the air but we thought we’d come up with something else instead? So I wanted to make a statement that said: I’m a ttrpger first, cyberpunk 2077 is just a means of visualizing things for my ass who has Aphantasia. And well Mara is a medtech after all? Unique class to the ttrpg I made her from, Cyberpunk RED.

So I didnt think that I would even get a single like on it, but i planned to rb when my blog got a bit bigger. Well.. I was wrong, cause it got picked up by a bigger blog first like and rb right after i posted it? and I went from 0 followers to like 40 or so followers only a couple hours after I posted?

(Click 'Keep reading' for the lore)

In Legends of Night City, its 2065 (at least this was when it was based in night city, things are different in my lore now). City Center clean up hasn't started yet, Arasaka had just been let back into the city, and the first thing they want? Whatever is luring in the bowels of Biotechnica's abandoned HQ. Over the years nature has started to take over, but... somehow... different? These plants are thirsty for more than water.

NIGHT RAID, the newest and biggest Merc group has hit the underground. Whispers about some of the sickest gigs they've pulled off; Fixers are poaching in looking for the group to handle their more delicate cases. Mara's struggling to hide her overwhelmingly large pile of dirty laundry from those closest to her, and soon that closest door is busted open.

At the end of a devastating gig, she's confronted with the consequences of all her lies. Her business partner, best friend, childhood love... laid before her; half-man and half cybernetic, Jack was no longer the man he used to be. No where left hide, shes forced to confess everything.

At first it was trying to make ends meet for the clinic to stay open, and by her 4th gig, she was in too deep. Even if she wanted to stop, she'd always be living on borrowed time; In the basement of some corpo's new pad in north oak was a black box, one that she'd seen her first gig, or at least one like it. Inside that box was a rouge A.I that shut down the entire house into lockdown, and installing a killswitch on to 3 of the members.. herself included. A little assurance, the A.I meant no harm to them, however, he couldn't let them call Netwatch the second he tried to escape.. So as long as he remains alive, so do they. Before anyone could really process what was happening, the A.I blasted through the net frying everything in its wake.

Corps and fixers alike who've learned of their situation only wish to profit from their desperation, dangling a fix that they don't have, easy pons to dispose of if things go south. Her only saving grace? Is that Jayce Adams, Jack's faternal twin, her almost adopted brother helps seek a cure. If he does... She's to agree to join Max-Tac, who'd been keeping a close eye on her for a long while.

Jack's whole life flashed before his eyes.. Everything he wanted, everything he sacrificed and bled for, gone. He'd lost her for good this time. What little humanity was left in him was gone now.

The whole hospital went into lockdown and no amount of pleading could bring Jack back from his psychosis. Not even the words that was at the tip of Mara's tongue, ones both longed to say to each other since they were teens: I love you. Max tac flooded the room surrounding the two, Jack grabbing the knife she'd brought for their dinner, he made his attack.

Covered in her best friend's blood, Mara was detained and held in solitude. A shock collar around her neck prevents her from speaking or crying too loudly until her Psych-E went down, she was in too much of a risk of going cyberpsycho. (Aka... I had to do a double dice roll for her humanity loss and she only had 1 humanity point left. 😬. I would have lost her like... forever if I had lost 32 instead of 31 points) So why am i yappin about this you ask? Well because of that happening, I was like full send on Mara burning down the city and throwing her whole life she just started down the drain. Because it was almost the case for her. She nearly threw away her new marriage (to the man the myth the legend J I H Z Z Y) before the ink of the certificate had a chance to dry, just to keep Jack on this side of sanity. But.. She couldn't say those words, even when she truly felt them. So sad right? Well the black rider photo was kinda me grieving the first death of an OC. it hit extra hard... I love Jack soooo much, he's such a hot mess.

this is them from a different AU and before my NPV Mara got her correct hair. arent they so cute????? their ship is Water on Mars.

I'm not sorry i overshared and overyapped because it's been like a year since I've done it. so. enjoy????

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

[ali11125]

god i really should post something here before my blog disappears into obscurity

um um um

KING OF SOPH FLUFF WIP

before you ask: no i have not proof read this, yes i wrote this about 2 months ago and havent read it since, no i will never finish it cause its a shitty plot in an au i don't give 2 shits about, yes nothing makes sense because i was probably high when i wrote this, no i dont even remember what happens, no this is not a testament to my general writting style i was trying something different and it failed, please let this flop, yes this entire thing is "he would not fucking say that" but also im new to fandoms/fanfic writing, can you tell im nervous to post this?

CW: none

Word Count: 1,062

The snow as it hits the ground

The gentle snowfall in the Kingdom of Skill was never something surprising, yet to Brent it was always a nice welcome to the day. While the cold was never his favorite, he could never deny the elegance a fresh coating of snow brought to the kingdom. Or perhaps he favored the way snowflakes gently whisked to the ground, or maybe it was the found memories he had with his family before-

A gentle knock stopped him from finishing that thought. Slowly, he rose from his perch at the window sill, and walked over to answer the door who's knocking never stopped. He pressed his hand against the door as he opened, making sure to do it as slowly as possible–it had become a habit to do so for whatever reason. Well he knew the reason, he just didn’t want to admit it.

As soon as he saw it to be Sophist, he opened the door fully, a warm smile crossing his face without his command to. He knew Sophist was never fond of the snow, if anything he actively hated the cold. Though anytime he pressed for answers all he got was “some shit in my past,” which just had to be as vague as possible. Before Brent could truly question it Sophist welcomed himself into Brent’s room, plopping himself on his bed as the complaints came in immediately. “Bro why does it have to be snowing, now I can’t get anything done.” The annoyance in his tone was undeniable, though maybe a bit of sarcasm was sprinkled in.

Brent gave a slight chuckle at the absurdity of it. “It’s literally only like two inches, it's not even that bad.” Sopshit chose not to take the easy jab at the lude joke Brent set him up for, instead responding to the comment with an answer he knew Brent already learned, “Well I can’t go to my observatory cause its snowing, plus its like super cold in there, and you know I don’t like the cold.” 

“You’re living in the Kingdom of Skill, it snows like every week.”

“Doesn’t mean I like it,” he replied, a bit too sly.

Brent sighed. He was getting nowhere with this. He walked over to his bed, taking a seat behind Sophist letting his head rest on his lap as Brent ran his hand through his hair. A comforting silence filled the room. Brent never minded these moments, he actually found them quite comforting. It was a warm reminder it wasn’t just those snippets of dialogues he fell for. It was the person behind those. A slight blush brushed his cheeks.

He could tell Sophist didn’t think the exact same. He nervously scratched at his wrist, eyes never quite landing in one spot as they jumped around the ceiling, sometimes stealing a little glance at Brent as he still stroked his hair, though that never lasted for more than a moment. 

Brent finally let Sophist out of his misery, killing the silence with a question he asked countless times before, “Why do you hate the snow so much?” Finally his eyes landed on Brent, staring at him blankly–maybe he was looking for something, or maybe it just took him a second to process the question–before snapping back to his fidgety state and answering the question, “Told ya some shit that happened, like, ten years ago.”

“What happened?” Brent’s eyes never left his own hands, them running through Sophist’s hair must have been the most interesting things. Sophist’s nails dug deeper into his skin, his mind seemingly unaware of the stim. His eyes never held still for more than a few moments, constantly glancing at Brent’s expression now definitely trying to find something. The silence, this time, made both uneasy. Brent interjecting, deciding to give Sophist an out this time, “-that is if you’re comfortable to share. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.” Oh how badly he wanted Sophist to tell him, yet he gave a reassuring sympathetic look instead of conveying it. He would never force his boyfriend to confess something he wasn’t ready to. (..Right?)

“I don’t know it was just,” He struggled to find the right word. He looked a bit more directly at Brent–at least he was making an effort. His eyes were never allowed to hold eye contact with his boyfriend for longer than a split second. “-It was just something. I don’t think I can explain it.” 

Brent hummed for a second before remembering he should actually say something, finally shifting his gaze to give a simple smile at Sophist as he spoke, “It’s ok, you can tell me whenever you’re ready.”

Both slipped back into the makeshift routine they so quickly fell into this position, neither truly wanting this moment to end, but both wanted something slightly more. 

Brent let the moment linger for a bit longer before readying himself. He let his hands slip out of Sophist hair–he so badly didn’t want to– and leaned back a bit, using his now free hands to brace himself. Sophist finally looked at Brent for longer than a few moments, trying to read what was on his mind. 

Brent finally spoke up, “Look listen we don’t have to if you don’t want to, but do you want to go outside, just for like, 15 minutes? Just me and you in the castle garden.” Sophist definitely wasn’t expecting that. His eyes immediately looked to the sheets surrounding him, this time tightening his grip on his wrist. 

The words came out of his mouth before he could tell them to not, “Um sure.” Fuck what was he getting himself into? Welp he was in too deep now. “But only for the 15 minutes.” 

Brent immediately perked up, his eyes scanning over Sophist’s face, surprised this stubborn ass man was actually agreeing to it. “Wait really?”

“Eh fuck it really don’t care right now,” Sophsit sat up as he tried to act not terrified. He stood up grabbing his hat and cap he hung at Brent’s chair when he first came in. “Now stop just sitting there before I take it back,” fake confidence was covering the statement, he just hoped Brent wouldn’t notice. Brent took the hint and, seemingly in a rush, jumped out of his bed to grab his own cape, joining Sophist by his side as the two walked outside.

[to-my-emil]

luca's 2024 letter

so i did a whole analysis/explanation/infodump about luca's newest letter on my discord server and. figured i may as well post it here! theres a lot of fun tasty things in here and some confirmation of things that have been implied in previous letters which is fun to look at. please keep in mind i dont have the entirety of every character and manor game's lore memorized so while i did double check some things i mightve missed some stuff. anyway its all below the cut since its Long have fun :)

(also feel free to chime in with any thoughts/feelings/opinions/ideas!)

so theres three sections to this letter! im gonna go section by section, but some parts of the last section are mentioned earlier so uh. sorry if you havent read it yet (id recommend u do read it first)

so part 1 is pretty fun. luca is confirmed to have survived game 10 (which also features tracy, charles, and bonbon though we dont currently know who the fourth survivor participant is) And its implied that hes the only survivor of the game (according to the "fleeting victory" thats the assumption at least). his traits w being able to connect the ciphers is also officially tied into the lore here; there are in fact wires running underneath each arena (or at the very least whichever arena lucas game was in which we dont know yet iirc) so its canon that he can do what he does in matches and its not something that the detective incorrectly deduced lorewise (idk if any of the survivor abilities are Actually incorrect deductions/not actually things that theyre doing (like for example priestess's portals, etc that seem more far-fetched) but since we know hes done other things incorrectly (like "prisoner" and "psychologist" titles being in quotes/technically wrong) i figure he mightve gotten some of those wrong too). luca is also Super Fucked Up w an unusuable left arm (and his previous injuries which we know includes at Least severe brain trauma but likely physical trauma too considering his time in prison + the leg braces) so uhhhhhhhhhhh. my money is NOT on him for the next game.

which is the fun next thing to talk about: baron deross is making him do another game!! this confirms whats implied in emmas 2022 letter (she writes "I've won the previous round, for now" which implies a second round if not more), and probably means that helena and galatea would also go through another round even though its not confirmed yet. so far we dont have a record of what happens in any second manor game for a player who has won (as far as i remember); usually what happens is entire groups are eliminated before the game and the only survivor goes on to the next round to try again by default rather than having won the game (like murro and luchino). so far luca's second game is the only one we have ANY info about for a survivor whos won their first game; we know that alva is in it and its heavily implied ann is in it (we'll get to this later) so we'll likely find out what happens once we get either of their experiment letters. its also interesting that the baron seems to reveal more information about the experiments to luca after luca won his game, but its hard to know whether thats because luca is also a scientist or if he reveals that to everyone who wins. my guess is maybe the former bc u Know luca would have questions and theres also no mention of baron deross saying anything like that in emmas, galateas, or helenas letters.

on to section 2!!! (there was a slur against disabled people in the last line of this section so. thats whats blocked out)

OKAY SO. definitely confirmed that hes in a second manor game, its not even subtext its just right there. assuming the "mechanisms" refer to the same mechanisms that are running under the arena and connecting the cipher machines my guess is that this is what he used to shock other participants?? rather than just being to conduct electricity through himself like he does in the game?? idk thats just spaghetti at the wall its not clear here how he actually got shocked and why. it Is clear that he passed the fuck out at some point or another/his memory issues have gotten worse and the wiki points to that guy in his dream being hermann, so that's. interesting. theres an implication here that luca and hermann used to be closer, but once luca started w physics hermann went mmmm time to stop being a father. which. checks out knowing hermann. whats even more interesting is that luca calls hermanns ideas "ludicrous fantasies" that are neither idealistic nor realistic, because like luca you went and did THE EXACT SAME THING. BRO HE WORKED ON PERPETUAL MOTION. YOURE WORKING ON PERPETUAL MOTION. IM SORRY YOU CANT CLOWN ON UR DAD FOR RUINING HIS LIFE OVER PERPETUAL MOTION WHEN U DID LITERALLY THE EXACT SAME THING

anyway.

i do wonder if this is meant to imply that hermann was in fact actually working on a More ridiculous version of perpetual motion or if luca is just biased as hell against hermann. im banking on the latter there is no way in hell that luca is a reliable narrator considering all his memory issues + his general tendency to outright grab people hes mad at by the throat (<- fun fact we see this at least twice once in alvas backstory video and again in gattos backstory video. luca is the same across all timelines). also implications that hermann became an alcoholic. im guessing as a kid luca was told it was medicine and he hasnt put the pieces together?? or its ironic. idk could be either with him. i highly doubt its actually medicine. ALTHOUGH. theres an alternate explanation here; when luca says "swallow them down" i initially thought he was referring to hiding his "final feelings", since sometimes swallowing down feelings is a phrase used for that kind of thing. but potentially this could be implying that hermann had luca take some kind of medicine potentially to get rid of those feelings in some way?? personally i think its the former because we already know hermann was wasting his life and money so becoming an alcoholic would be an easy answer, but this is probably just because i dont have any answers if it were the latter. something to think about

now the third part, which gives us info about the next manor game!

so first the "gaunt old man" is (according to the wiki which i agree with in this case) mad eyes, which makes sense because mad eyes was involved in game 8/9 right before this and game 10 was filled with inventors + bonbon so it only makes sense he was there. no idea where he went though. whats more fun is that luca is now In The Fucking basement Walls where mad eyes used to be bc luca doesnt trust the rest of the participants. considering the "abnormal eyes" and that alva is here we know for sure that this is those related to the eye of darkness cult, which means ann is also definitely there. whats even more interesting is that this implies the existence of at least one more member of the eye of darkness cult whos going to be in this game; luca says "new participants" and "these people", and considering how specific the letters usually are with other things i would guess hed say "those two" if it were only ann and alva (of course its possible that theyre the only two have arrived at the writing of this journal, but considering he refers to a ritual coming up soon my money is on all the participants being of the cat cult except luca). luca makes a good note that this new game is likely the opposite of the previous and more focused on religion/spirituality which checks out w the participants, but DAMN hes an asshole about their writing style LMAO. sorry luca not everyone can have the same notes u do

the "brother in faith" guy here is alva, and i personally believe that he can in fact believe see through walls just bc thats funny as hell. just kidding its likely because luca is not as subtle he thinks he is because alva Literally Knows Him. other people might not be able to know hes there but like. that guys also a scientist. hed be able to figure out that theres someone in the walls AND he does in fact know luca. its difficult to tell bc of lucas memory issues but this probably also implies that alva looks very different from how he did in life (i doubt its as tall/etc as in his hunter form since thats what they all see when drugged not what he Actually looks like but im sure theres some stuff like his shorter hair/grayish skin/etc that carries across). i for one am fucking thrilled that theyre in a game together bc oh my god this is a time bomb and im just waiting to watch it explode (again).

as for the last line about a ritual... teehee. im very excited for whatever this is going to be and its killing me that this is the Only Information we have on it so far. likely we're going to have to wait for more alva and ann letters on this one, as well as whoever the third eye of darkness cult member is going to be, but i have no doubt that we'll have some more info eventually. if i had to take a guess its going to heavily affect how game 10-2/11 turns out; i highly doubt any ritual goes on without a sacrifice, and, well... theres only one guy here whos not already part of the cult. things are not looking great for lucas future.

[top10bigchungus]

found some older (2-4 years old) art that for once i dont feel like throwing up when seeing. havent drawn in a while and ive defo kinda forgotton how 2 draw like i tried doing some simple sketches but all of them were uhm shit.

starting off with some honkai (impact) drawings (sorry for being a gachaslop fan, childhood and autism were not kind to me) idk what order theyre showing up so i maybe will add like a description or whatevs if u wanna know like some thought processes type shit

BRO there was one cute but wonky sakura that DIDNT SEND (wifi so bad here i couldnt upload from mobile i had to email these to myself and then download to upload cuz idfk what happened) but oh well sorry my goat sakura

anyways we move onto the masa works design shit (god was not kind), im posting these more seperate because i was actually somewhat creative that summer a few years ago. heres uguisu baita (slapper of a song), i really liked the concept of being able to pick up the drawing to move it around kinda in the style of the pv so i went through actual effort for this ( and the next peice). i dyed the back piece of paper using tea bags (im a tea drinker britain has influenced me), and then drew the drawings on a paper which i then cut out to their sillhoette. even if its not much and the drawings are kinda ass i LOVE the concept i really did have joy seeing these so fuck yeah i defo would do shit like this again

and here mentalism maria, done in the same style as above. i once again REALLY REALLY REALLY love this one like these were so fun to make, didnt finish the concept unfortunately (as seen in pic 2) but putting all the chains n shit on the paper was super fun. process was the same but i tried to draw the background (its dogshit), idk what the random pieces of paper wouldve been for but theyre there ig

last of the masa shit, any comments on individual drawings r made on them, aside from the ban nen one. this was going to be the third fanwork in the style of the prev 2 but with the shards seen in the image of the pv standing out (now that i think about it the random extra papers on mentalism maria were probably for that) but i never finished it past the drawing. really like the face of it though

and finally, miscallenous. i think the first one was enstars i drew for my friend but i lowkey dunno thats my guess, second im guessing was an oc/persona kinda deal (i dont look like that i look worse) and im fr not sure what was going on i cannot tell you tf its actually meant to be

n e ways you could probably find a lot of my older shit floating around since i was severely terminally online a few years ago (i wouldnt be surprised if the 5 year anni of me quitting being terminally online spontaneously is this year but i actually erased a lot of that shit from my mind) it was not a good time for me though and ive grown a lot since those times so please never really bring that shit up please and thank you and good bye i know all of it looks ass but what can i say im just an ass artist

[anonvkirkped]

Exposing @/Kirkped.

hello everyone, i will stay anon for this callout but you may know who i am, or know my story. I dont wish to cause anything but i just want people within the fandom to know what this person has done.

TW / CW for: grooming, arguing, suicide and suicide baiting, racism, slurs, splitting.

for background info, kirkped goes by multiple within this callout, timmy and xochi. Kirkped has mental illnesses which cause them to lash out and i understand that, yet over time this was just abuse, they claimed they were trying and attempting to get better, but often lied and only got worse. Continuing to blame mental illness when i feel it is no excuse, being mentally ill does not give a right to abuse.

i have attempted to blur out all names. And give proof.

————————

starting off with something important: The racism, timmy is kirkped and has been confirmed by kirkped themselves. They lied about being black when in reality being asian. Went on for around a while. Said the N word multiple times.

—————-

Next up just general abuse:

These screenshots are from when i posted a video of me and them playing roblox, friend saw it and brought it up. Friends talked about how they were abusive and i wont stop going back, yet xochi told me to tell them it was due to their mental illness.

kirkped getting upset im busy on my birthday party, i get they need the attention but i told them before i would be busy that day.

One of xochis friends, i had blocked xochi and they told them to contact me. I didnt want to talk anymore yet they wouldnt take no for an answer.

Suicide baiting, they did this 24/7. They copied and pasted this and sent it to a bunch of people. Made me lose my mind.

Them getting upset just recently after we sadly spoke again after months, i didnt want to talk anymore due to being triggered and they exploded on me.

—-

This is just insane.

and also

Them ignoring my triggers

———

this is the first callout ive ever made, xochi has caused great pain to me and others, their relationship has caused me to dissociate, have panic attacks so bad i shut down, and get triggered and cry every time i enter the basement: where they suicide baited and made me cry and scream over call while i his from my family, it was a painful night.

i have needed professional help to recover, im still shaken up. Im still so extremely traumatized to the point of abusing drugs to force myself to forget the past. This is only a chuck of everything but im not sure what else to add. Im scared, i dont understand why they keep coming back, they keep pretending theyre fine when they need help, i dont want to cancel them. I just want them to realize they hurt others and many wish them to stay away from the internet.

please understand. Its 3 am and im very scared. I am traumatized over kirkped. I wish no one else has to go through the same, please block. I am not the only one either, i just havent gotten other views yet.

-anon.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks - February 6

24 anon, outlet anon, spoon anon, 8 years anon (new), lawyer anon (new), guess anon

24 anon

hi cas, its 24 anon again. its been a while so i dont know if you remember lol. my friend had her baby and i still haven't met him (mostly bc ive been horrifically sick since before she even had him so im not about to give them whatever germs i have lol). i kind of feel like im at my breaking point lately. ive not cut her off entirely, but i have distracted from my friend a bit because i went into her having a baby trying to think 'this is a major thing and she's going to be down and out for a while so she obviously wont be trying to make plans' but apparently i was wrong bc im seeing posts on facebook and snapchat of her going out and doing things and having get togethers with her other friends and im just. i dont even hear about these plans let alone get invited to anything ever. i dont want to sound entitled to her time and effort but am i really her 'best friend' if she never wants to hang out or talk to me unless i initiate and plan? if she never tells me a single thing about her life and im always the last to know? if ive talked to her about this time and time again without any change whatsoever? im tired of talking to her about this because i know it wont change anything. my best friend had a baby and i wont ever actually get to know him. my heart is genuinely broken. i dont have any other friends to talk to. literally. at this point in my life i have lost every single friend ive ever had except for her but apparently ive never really had her to begin with. im so tired of being fucking lonely but i dont know ehat to do anymore. ive never been able to make or keep friends and i feel like im going fucking crazy. what is it thats so wrong with me that makes me consistently not worth peoples effort to keep around? i feel like im victimizing myself right now but i genuinely feel like i try SO HARD to maintain friendships - talking to them, trying to make plans, etc. etc. and that just never gets returned back to me. im tired of pretending im fine with that. im just fucking tired. i havent been able to talk to my therapist in months and ive only had myself for company for YEARS. i cant fo this anymore cas

Hi <3

Honestly I can relate to this SO much. I have a friend who I was very close to who had a baby a few years back and it's definitely changed our dynamic. Imo, the problem is now, we have different priorities. And that's not WRONG, it's just how it is, so it's changing how we interact.

I don't think my friend hates me and I don't think your friend hates you either. It's just one of those things where like...people get hurt but nobody means to hurt anyone. And it's very hard not to take things personally but it probably isn't as personal as it feels.

I know none of this makes you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm going through the same thing and I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to DM me- I'd love to have someone to talk about it with too <3

______________________

Outlet anon

Hey Cas, outlet anon here. I need help.

So I'm staying with my mother for a few weeks while my place gets some work done, and that means I'm in the same house as Al, which is fine and whatever. I don't acknowledge him, he doesn't acknowledge me. It's a mutual understanding and has been for years. Or so I thought???? He addressed me BY NAME for the first time since I was THIRTEEN to ask me to move my laundry, and he didn't yell at me when I ignored him the first two times. We haven't even spoken since I was thirteen. He's also been talking at me and saying things for my benefit. Like last night, Al and my mother were watching robot fighting with my siblings and I went down to see what was going on because I heard them yelling. Al saw me and told my mother to rewind the TV so I could see the whole fight. I didn't express any interest in the show nor ask anyone to rewind it. He just... did it??? I don't know what's going on or what he thinks is going on. I'm going to keep right on ignoring him and pretending like he doesn't exist, but like thoughts? What should I do? What do you think is going on????? Help??????????

Honestly, it's great that Al seems to be trying to be nicer, but I'd be a bit weary. Like don't be rude to him about it or shit on him for being nice, but you don't suddenly need to be nice because he is. You're allowed to to take some time to build trust (if you even want to). The way he's treated you in the past doesn't warrant instant forgiveness (unless you want to, of course), so just go with what feels good to you and don't feel guilty for however much time you need. And if he ends up getting pissed about it...well, then he didn't really change in the first place.

_________________

Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

well i've been looking at self diagnosis tests like yk those online quizzes you have. some say i have a lot of symptoms of autism and others say that i have low-medium autism so idk atp. according to the oxford cbt self assessment quizzes, i have medium-high anxiety and depression and low-medium autism and adhd.

and i've been thinking if i should maybe actually go to a psychiatrist and see if my suspicions are correct. but then there's the part where i need to convince my mom. there's a major school event happening until the end of february so maybe i'll ask her if we can go sometime in march? several of my friends have actually seen psychiatrists and i'll just say that i want to just check once if there's anything that i might be diagnosed with.

i'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if you think i have autism or not from what i've told you. adhd there's a pretty low chance of me actually having that i don't really show any symptoms except getting distracted easily. depression and anxiety, if i'm going to be honest, maybe. idk my country's culture has given me a skewed view of what will actually fall under a mental health problem.

Hi! I think asking your mom is a great idea. It sounds like it's really important to you to know for sure, so I think you absolutely should.

As far as what I think...I'm sorry hon but I'm not a professional and I don't know you very well. But like I said I think it sounds super important to you to know for sure, so you should def ask to get evaluated.

___________________

8 years anon

This actually takes so much courage to type this out but I feel like this is the right place to say it and plus I don't really know where else to say it.

So sometimes my bestfriend (of 8 years) really just ticks me off in a really nasty way. Like I feel awful every single time I feel this way but sometimes he just does stuff that like I don't know if he does it intentionally or not or if I'm just overreacting but sometimes he like takes things I consider "mine" ?? If that's an okay way to put it? I feel like there's just some things that he just starts to develop stuff from me and don't get me wrong, obviously friends are gonna develop things from each other (especially of 8 years) but I feel like I've only really noticed it within the last year or so.

For example I'll mention that I like a music artist very very briefly and like the next time I see him he's totally engrossed himself into that person's music and is saying "oh _ is my favorite song from them!" When like 3 days ago he didn't even know who they were.

Or on a game that we both play theres like 60-70 characters and there's 2 people that I constantly play and he wanted to try out new people which is fine but then he chooses one of the two I play??? And buys a skin for them within like 2 minutes of playing them??

And like there's a certain way I dress and he mentioned wanted to get more into like some things I'm into like okay that's fine and then he becomes more obsessed with it than me?? I don't even know anymore my girlfriends both agree with me and understand what I'm saying cause sometimes he does the same thing to them? This feels like a lot and it feels kinda childish when I type it all out but I'm genuinely lost and you seemed like the best person I could go to.

lots of love cas ❤️❤️

Hi!

I can definitely understand how you feel, but I think this is something to talk to your friend about. I think you need to figure out why it bothers you so much and why he seems to be so drawn to everything you do. Does he just admire you? Is it coincidence? Does he have low confidence?

And I think talking to him about it is important because this type of thing can lead to resentment, you know? So saying something like "I've noticed you tend to like a lot of the same things I do, right after I mention them. Is there something you like that you can share with me, too? I feel like we only ever talk about my likes?" might help to gently call him out without causing a fight.

__________________

lawyer anon

Hey Cas, I hope you're doing well!

I love all your microfics😭they're so well written.

Sometimes I'll be reading a random microfics that popped and I'll think "this is really good!" so I go and check the user and its usually your stuff <3

For context, I'm 2 months away from 15 and a girl.

I was talking to my dad and complaining about school and joking that when I was fifteen I am legally allowed to drop out. I do this a lot.

My dad was joking and saying I've got to stay in school so I can become a lawyer and earn lots of money.

I told him the usual stuff like I don't want to be a lawyer and why would I.

He then proceeded to straight up tell me I was ridiculous and I was really confused and I asked him why.

Apparently I was _overreacting_ to the joke he told, which I had answered non seriously.

It just seemed like he was treating me like a much younger child and it honestly seemed kinda sexist.

This is not the first time stuff like this has happened. I recently went on a trip to my mum's side of the family and it was really nice talking to them because they actually seemed interested in my life and didn't just ask me, "How is school."

I know my dad loves me and this is a minor issue and some people have it much worse but it just really bothers me.

Honestly I feel like you're at the age where some people start seeing you as a person becoming an adult while others see you as a child. And that's a hard age because you want to be treated more like an adult, and it feels frustrating when that doesn't happen. People don't see you're starting to think about more mature things and you're thinking about the real world. It sounds like your dad might still think of you as a complete child. Is he the type of person that might respond well if you say "Hey, I'd like to have a serious conversation about this. I care about this topic and I want to talk about it seriously"?

________________________

Guess anon

Hi Cas

Guess Anon again

He keeps messaging me and asking how college is and asking if i need any more books (i told him no)

I have a careers meeting tomorrow and if i get anything good from that then i may tell him and tell him my next steps (but only if im feeling brave)

Ill keep you updated!!

Honestly that's such a good idea. Having a plan is a great way to like...deliver unwanted news in a much gentler way. Please keep me updated!!