#help my brain is fried from overthinking

[kay0783]

The wedding has finally arrived!!! 💒🔔✨

As much as I love these characters, I would really like to transition to focusing on the vampires now, specifically the Solaires (duh lol). There's so much potential for new characters. Dimitri Rebane, more Porter audios, mayyyyybe William audios (👀), who knows!!! (Please read below!!!!! I have so many ideas and need to dump them somewhere) (⚠️pun not intended⚠️).

People may not agree with me on that, but hear me out! Vincent and Sam left the house of Solaires, so we could get audios here and there about where they (and their relationships) end up. Since the wedding is done and David stated that during the summit, someone from the house of Wright told him to stay away from the Solaires, that would give more of a reason to have dispersed audios for Vincent and Sam and to include new characters. They've been around for a long while now, and the werewolf culture is hashed out, so I feel that there isn't much else to do with them.

Here are some arcs that I think would be cool to enter:

1) Although we know about werewolf culture, we only know a little about vampire culture and their politics. I would absolutely LOVE to see how that comes to play in Porter and Treasure's relationship (*Important note*: During the summit, when it was pointed out by the Prince of the house of Bennet that Vince killed someone, Porter was Q.U.I.C.K to defend him by saying that Adam violated the bite/claim marking). It seems that Porter is very protective of Treasure and values the relationship with them, so I think there's opportunity to hash out Vamp culture/politics through that. Ex: Someone has an eye out for Treasure, Porter freaks out but they don't know why, then we get an explanation. Idk why, but it's interesting to me that Porter covered for Vince that quick, and for *that* reason. Of course that could be explained away bc he literally killed a King and was in charge of creating an alibi, but it felt like foreshadowing to me. At some point Treasure is going to have to be informed that their man's a hitman, and maybe it's the toxicity in me but I think Porter being quick to unalive someone for violating that bite claim could be an entry way into that conversation.

1.5) If we get Will as an official character (listener wise), then we can see how his and Porter's...uhhh...relationship. When we were introduced to Porter, he was very adamant (again, no pun intended) that Treasure's friends were not good people and went into a tangent about transactional relationships. I fully feel like this was a projection of his and Will's friendship. To support my point, the next audio was him contemplating the validity and ethics of the friendship. He even questioned if he was scared of Will. It would be great to see this explored further by more vamp politics videos. In my recent post about Porter, I wondered whether Will is going to manipulate Porter into becoming next in line for succession. Alexis is trash, Vincent is gone...so who's left???

2) Speaking of monarchies and successions, I know the fooliverse audios are not supposed to be taken as canon, but it's interesting that Erik brought up a whole new character for Milo's audio. Dimitri Rebane. Like...we get a first AND last name??? For a non-canon arc??? 🤨 We didn't even get Asher's last name until what? Almost a year ago? Erik seems very organized and well thought out, so even though the fooliverse arc itself isn't canon, the characters sure are. AND Mr. Rebane is a KING??? How come he wasn't brought up in the summit??? Hmmm.....🤔 Wouldn't it be crazy if he does become a canon character and ends up murdering Will and taking over the Solaire clan? Maybe he messes up the friendship with Porter to no return (maybe by messing with Treasure somehow) and Porter helps Dimitri become king because he's better, and he won't have to take up more responsibility than he could handle.

3) I get it, some people may prefer werewolves to vampires. But I think everyone forgot that THERE'S A WHOLE ASS WEREWOLF PACK THAT HAS NOT BEEN COVERED YET‼️‼️‼️We have the Keaton pack, but does anyone remember during one of Erik's channel anniversary streams where he did a kahoot-style game and alluded to the Moore pack (no, not Lasko lol). There were four options, the Shaw pack, the Keaton pack, the Moore pack, and some other answer. The Moores was the correct one and he even gave a geographic location to them in comparison to the Shaw and Keaton packs. We dead ass could have a whole nother set of characters from a whole different pack if he didn't give them the Frederick and Bright Eyes treatment and just ignored their whole existence .

That's all the brain dump I have for now. Sorry if I fried yours in the process, but I've been thinking about the Moore (or More) pack FOR YEARS.

(Also, Monarch Baz got pissy with David for not understanding vamp politics, AND it's confirmed that some vamps are involved with the inversion and close-knit case, which is more support for my reasoning and theory that we might be headed towards a vamp arc soon). If you guys like me dumping info and theories like this, PLEASE let me know. If not, I'll definitely keep my posts shorter in the future. Thank you for reading!!! 💜 Stay safe, drink water, and drive safe!

In the mean time, Dimitri from the movie Anastasia is my head canon for Dimitri Rebane.

[mandalhoerian]

Repost because tumblr's tags were broken yesterday and it ate my post up 😞 Spoilers and translation notes for Rafayel's intertidal zone & analysis because it kinda floored me, I was just as a blank page as he was throughout this. I had to watch it like 5 times to understand what the story was saying and dig into chinese and japanese versions of this to piece together what was really happening. It may be my idiot brain not getting it and maybe it was like the easiest thing to understand for you but. Yeah. I may be just dumb LMFAO AND!!!! There's also a theory of mine into how Rafayel is actually able to read mc's mind/wishes through their lemurian bond, so stay tuned for that I guess

EDIT: correcting some transcriptions of chinese characters and the translations. sorry about that! google couldn't transcribe it correctly. for clarity's sake i will also include original screenshots. please tell me if anything is wrong!

EDIT 2: Check out part 2 to this as well for stuff I missed!

EDIT 3: An Abysswalker connection I found

EDIT 4: Debunking the myths of non-consent & Rafayel hurting MC in the spicy scene

So Rafayel’s whole deal in this memory, I believe, is dependency. Like, too much intensity, too much need, too much fear -- about scaring her off, about what he sees himself possibly becoming in the future, overall just being too reliant on mc and getting scared by it.

Let's begin with this massive fear of being a taker, not just in the “I’m stealing someone’s fries” way, but in this existential, soul-deep kind of way where he’s terrified of turning everything he loves into something he exploits out of demand for his art. And yeah, it’s sad when you first hear him say it, but it’s also really interesting when you look at how this all ties into his relationship with MC and his inspiration source drying up because of her.

Before Rafayel became an artist, he looked at the world in this super pure, wholesome way. Sceneries and nature were just there, things to admire and feel awe over without needing to do anything about it. Like, imagine standing at the edge of a desert, looking at a sea that’s drying up. Sure, it’s tragic, but it’s also kind of beautiful in a raw, heartbreaking way. That’s how Rafayel saw things, he could appreciate them without feeling like he had to do anything.

But then Rafayel started creating, and suddenly, sceneries weren’t just sceneries anymore. They became inspiration. He wasn’t just admiring beauty, he was extracting something from it, its meaning, its pain, its soul, to turn into art for other people. And that made him feel all kinds of icky, because now he wasn’t just looking at the drying sea. He was taking from it. Just as he's using his people's pain in his art as well, that's also a thing.

Now let’s talk about MC. Rafayel loves her like he used to love those sceneries,,, in this pure, untainted way. There's a parallel here. But here’s the kicker, he’s not the same guy who can just admire something and leave it untouched anymore.

And suddenly, this is no longer only about losing inspiration for him.

This happens after he and MC get together, and it’s like all the pain and anguish that used to fuel his creativity just.. ... dries up. He can’t find that spark anymore because now his life is surrounded by love instead of suffering. In fact, his inspiration starts coming from her and it's starting to clash with how he makes art. In the phone call, he seeks her out and says he needs her so bad and she only needs to talk to help him out. This is the first wink wink nod nod of the story.

So what does Rafayel do? He goes on this big, dramatic trip to "find inspiration" (or at least his muse), but it’s not just about his art. He’s not just looking for inspiration, he’s trying to figure out how to be less dependent on her and becoming increasingly more restless over this. The temparature and physical discomfort is making things worse, he's anxiously overthinking, and imagine trying to fight this and the longest art block as of late off when all you want to do is indulge in this special person and be comforted like a lap cat all day every day.

He understands that if he lets himself indulge without restraint, one day his love for mc will turn into pure need. He’ll become more and more greedy, and he doesn’t want that and is afraid of being abandoned because of that growing neediness and dependency.

This is in relation to his art, because as @/dat-silvers-girl put in the comments, he's struggling with "the genuine fear of not being able to enjoy anything in life because all you're thinking about how to use it (as an artist)" . what if he starts doing this to her? to their love and relationship? take from her, and become someone who only takes in every area of life -- like someone who only exploits things by extracting what he feels about them to use it for his art. he's afraid of that, he doesn't like that and possibly doesn't like himself who does it. so why should she? she would leave him for sure, in his head, that's a solid reason to.

The first time around he brings up his anxiety about MC leaving him out of the inner realization of his dependency, the possibility of just what he can become, and fear of abandonment. she effortlessly soothes his worries. It's heavily implied they did it afterwards and after hearing "her life has already been consumed by him" he tweaked out a little bit and his "obsession" seeped through.

After it fades to black, he says ほら……僕もとっくに……君に侵食されてしまっているんだ…… which means "See... I've already been completely consumed by you too" in Japanese instead of the life being made a chaotic mess localization. While I think MC's line was jokey and lighthearted, I don't think this man is joking at all. Rafayel didn't say his life was consumed by her as well, he said HE was consumed. Ouh.

This took the edge off from him for a while but they hadn't gotten to the root of the problem yet, so he was back to square one after the memorial hall, because remember, he's trying to find inspiration as an act of making this dependency of his better. Pain and suffering are all around him here, which his inspiration feeds off of. The dried up ocean he could hear weakening, the skeleton of the whale, the burden of his people and homeland more prominent than before. And what does MC do? Tear through the perspective of pain and introduce a hopeful alternative, "Isn't it a surprise to see an ocean in the middle of the desert?"

This is a place that gave Rafayel the height of helplessness and suffering when he visited by himself before despite momentarily being hopeful after the locals told him such a place existed. But now, she was there to comfort him through his loneliness and pain, hug him, and give him hope yet again. He brings up how he wanted to come here with the most important person to him when he was still hopeful about it before consumed by the pain of it all, and that wish has been granted. That moment has to be so powerful for Rafayel. Literally light at the end of the tunnel.

It had me reeling that he just sat in the car after all that, staring at her for god knows how long until she woke up. He was probably overthinking again, but my interpretation that it was heavily emotional for him (it could have meant so little for MC but the world for him, she doesn't even know) and he wanted to be in that moment with her, just feel and look without restraint. Indulge a little. (I can just imagine him going just a little bit more, I'll go after she wakes up.) And like. His eyes are shining in the darkness is the description here. Perhaps he was feeling so much here. So much love. So much happiness. And he's about to go in for a kiss (heavy breathing and everything) after that, but holds himself back and actively has to pry himself away. He's feeling the neediness again.

That’s why he makes an effort to actively wean himself off and says he'll be okay on his own. What he says to her after MC is like "spoiling him" being all "hey you're sick maybe don't go? or let's go together?" (which is NOT helping Rafayel at all) is even more meaningful in Japanese and I didn't know why they left out this context, but the rearranged line would be "Do you want me to become a sea creature beached on the sand after the sea recedes, unable to breathe on my own ever again?"

Yeah. YEAH. This is about dependency. (He's saying don't coddle me I'll literally become that wolf tearing his shirt meme 😭)

So of course his stubbornness and anxiety force him to do things without MC and distance himself, he can do it. He’s determined to prove to himself that he can endure it on his own.

I also feel like part of the reason he insisted on going to the salon alone is that he’s still worried mc might come to dislike the version of him who's someone he's so sure she will leave, who isn't perfect and he hides behind the persona he's put up just for her. If he truly becomes addicted to her and shows her everything/his true self, and she ends up leaving him, it would completely break him. He's trying to be like "im so normal about her haha" but he's so not normal about her at all. He's literally obsessed I feel like, and perhaps this is him fighting it knowing it's not healthy.

and OOOH about why he ends up coming back from the salon all hot and bothered.

I have strong context that she flicked the bean in there after he left her high and dry in the car ("hot water washes away the stickiness from my body and his stifled breaths still echo in my ears, enveloping me along with the steam in the bathroom. The warmth from his fingertips lingers in the places where he touched me..." is the english. however, in chinese, it goes "熱水洗去身上的黏膩，壓抑的喘息迴盪在我耳畔，和浴室裡氤氳的水氣一起包裹著我." stating "the suppressed breathing" -- which doesn't have any possessive adjectives when I translated it on google and later explicitly asked chatgpt if it had any his/my adjectives involved, just to be sure. it said no but i'd like it if a real chinese speaking person could give their input on this !!! PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME WITH CHATGPT

so um. if the context is in fact the case that he heard her masturbating to him, the intensity with which he attacked her would be normal, I think 😭

I have belief that MC unconsciously shatters his "training himself to be without her" determination through their bond. She just keeps thinking about him the entire time. about him reading her thoughts, though. we still don't know all about the lemurian bond they share. I’d say it grants him some sort of mind/heart reading ability or connects their minds together (when she was thinking about whether she should hug him, he answered “yes”).

At the salon, I imagine Rafayel was already thinking about her like crazy. Then he realized, or perhaps, "heard" she was still worrying about him and thinking of him (as much he thought about her) and decided to go back. Rafayel probably felt that suppressing himself was only making her more anxious and unsettled. She's thinking all about him, unconsciously calling to him to come to her, she didn't want to let him go at all, wanted to go with him, etc...

but even if it was his own decision and no mind reading was involved... uh. If you ask me. He did quite literally hear her after coming back. That's also something that might make him think she wants him as much as he wants her, which made his self-restraint utterly meaningless from the start.

Disregarding this theory of mine proven wrong until a Chinese speaker helps me out here, MC returned to Rafayel's room. A translation omission happened here from what I saw. There are no possessive adjectives in the Chinese text about the room she returns to, and the Japanese one states she returned to the guest room (doesn't specify which one. She was also able to enter Rafayel's room without needing to knock before.)

so uh. she went into rafayel's room y'all. the line "this is my room, you're the one who walked in here" MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE. (SO LIKE. NOT ONLY DID SHE GO INTO HIS ROOM, SHE FLICKED THE BEAN THERE AND HE POSSIBLY HEARD IT. SHE'S MORE OF A FREAK THAN HE IS, I UNDERSTAND WHY HE LET GO AFTER THAT LMFAO)

I don't put it past him to get worked up after he finds her in his room post-bath even without my theory lmfao (idk why they put her in a dress when she should be in a bathrobe or something 😭)

His conclusion at the end of this memory that "he finds inspiration in pain and the art of creation is a part of his life. mc made him realize love and art are so alike. even if they don't complete him but burn him instead he wants them (love and art) with every fiber of his being" and MC says she doesn't like that, rightfully so.

So like. There's SO MUCH to unpack in here.

When Rafayel says he finds inspiration in pain and that creation is a part of his life, he’s admitting something raw and essential about himself: pain isn’t just a byproduct of his art, it’s intrinsic to it. For Rafayel, pain and art are intertwined in a way that’s almost inseparable. It’s like his muse isn’t just beauty, but beauty that hurts.

But then he takes this further by connecting art to love. He’s realized that both art and love demand the same from him: vulnerability, passion, and sometimes suffering. They don’t necessarily complete him (he’s not romanticizing them as salvation), but they burn him, wear him down, consume him (coincidentally, this is something he said to MC in the JP dub of this memory, that she consumes him), but also give him life. And for Rafayel, that’s the crux, even if they burn him, he wants them with every fiber of his being.

This is such a Rafayel thing to say. It’s dramatic, it’s tortured, but it’s also deeply SUBTLE. He doesn't spell all of these out, mind you, I got a headache trying to understand him. Or I'm just slow, I don't know. It shows how much he values creation and connection, even if they come at a cost.

MC, on the other hand, challenges this perspective. When she says she doesn’t like that he views love and art as things that burn him, she’s pushing back against the idea that suffering is a necessary part of creation, or love. MC doesn’t want Rafayel to see their relationship as something that requires him to hurt. She’s telling him, “You don’t have to destroy yourself to love me.”

When MC says, “You’ll never have to burn for me,” she’s giving Rafayel an alternative to his destructive mindset. She’s saying that love doesn’t have to hurt, that their relationship can exist without him sacrificing himself on the altar of passion. It’s a refusal to let Rafayel romanticize pain as the price of love.

And I love that Rafayel goes, "Will you help me look for other parts in life outside of pain?" in response. This is NOT about art or inspiration anymore, and the way the dialogue is written is just AUGH. Again I had to rewatch this over and over again for the nuances and subtext.

I love MC's response, she knew exactly what to say. “I’ll always be the one who walks along the shore with you. Of course, diving into the sea bed is fine too. If it can snow in the desert, there will be a day when the ocean returns.”

MC’s response is layered with metaphors, but at its core, it’s about unwavering support and hope::

Walking along the shore: This represents safety and companionship. MC is saying she’ll be with Rafayel in the calm, in the moments where they’re just observing life without diving into its depths. She’ll be his steady presence, his grounding force.

Diving into the sea bed: This is an acknowledgment that life and love sometimes require going deeper and they may go through hardships, into the unknown, the murky, the challenging. MC isn’t afraid of this, she’s willing to go there with him too.

Snow in the desert and the ocean’s return: This is a symbol of hope and transformation beyond being a nod to The Sea of Golden Sand. Snow in the desert seems impossible, just like the idea of Rafayel finding inspiration outside of pain might feel impossible to him. But MC believes in the extraordinary, in change, and in the possibility that beauty and creation can exist outside of suffering.

Her words are a promise: she’s willing to stand by him, to face the unknown together, and to hold onto the belief that a new way of seeing the world is possible.

And Rafayel LOWKEY PROPOSES IN RETURN.

By saying “let’s watch the sea together,” he’s accepting MC’s offer of companionship and hope in the long run. He’s recognizing that life doesn’t have to be about diving into the depths alone, it can be about sharing the experience with someone else, even if it’s just standing on the shore and watching.

“Every sea”: This phrase is key. Rafayel isn’t just committing to one kind of life or one kind of inspiration, he’s opening himself up to all possibilities. Watching every sea means embracing all facets of life, whether they’re calm or turbulent, painful or beautiful. It’s a marriage proposal declaration that he’s ready to explore the world beyond pain, with MC by his side.

So. I love that his inspiration returns after his freak is accepted by MC because he literally feels the acceptance through the bond.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. This memory DRAINED me. They were just supposed to bang what the fuck happened. Why did I have to go treasure hunting to find what was going on in this card. anyway...

[mw00nie]

extra credit

you first see him on a tuesday.

10 a.m. political science. long, cold, fluorescent-lit misery. you only took it because the professor was rumored to be easy. except, twist, he now isn’t, and your attendance is locked in for the semester. brutal.

you always sit in the back. fake typing on your laptop, tabs full of shit you’ll never afford, pretending you’re gonna relisten to the lectures on your phone. spoiler: you won’t.

so, naturally, you start people-watching. it becomes your sport.

guy in front of you sexting someone at 10 a.m. on a tuesday? disturbing. girl next to you writing color-coded notes on an ipad that costs more than your rent? pretentious. two girls giggling over tinder and ranking guys like they’re judging cattle at a state fair? iconic.

then you see him.

front row. every single class. white hair, slightly too long, messy like he cut it himself or forgot to. hoodie with a bleach stain on the sleeve. glasses he keeps pushing up with his middle finger. backpack covered in pins that look suspiciously like anime.

the kind of guy who probably owns a sword. the kind of guy who turns in essays early and apologizes for formatting mistakes. the kind of guy who definitely gets hard when girls yell at him.

you watch him answer a question once, voice so quiet, you can barely hear it from your seat, and it hits you like a truck:

this guy is such a loser. i want him in my bed immediately.

you don’t do anything about it at first. just move closer, row by row, like a predator slowly circling.

he doesn’t notice. he’s too busy actually doing the readings.

every class, he types with those long fingers, hunched over his laptop like he’s coding the next great american novel. he frowns when the professor gets something wrong. he wears wired headphones. wired, for god’s sake.

you can feel it building in you every time he pushes his glasses up. every time he mutters a “yeah, i think that’s actually covered in the assigned paper by—” before trailing off, embarrassed.

you want to climb into his lap and ruin his academic career. you want to know if he’s as nervous with his hands as he is with his voice. you want to see how red his ears can get.

three weeks in, you finally snap.

you catch him right after lecture, halfway to the vending machines, headphones still hanging around his neck. his fingers are tangled in his hoodie strings, backpack slung over one shoulder, like he barely remembered to exist outside of class.

he stops in his tracks when you say his name.

“satoru gojo, right?”

he blinks. once. twice. like you’ve just pulled the fire alarm in his brain.

“…yeah?”

he’s taller than you expected. awkwardly so. broad shoulders slouched like he’s trying to make himself smaller. glasses sliding down his nose. messy white hair that looks like he towel-dried it and called it a day. he smells faintly like clean laundry and caffeine. you hate how much that does to you.

you lean in a little. tilt your head. smile like you know something he doesn’t.

“you’re smart,” you say. “painfully. the kind of smart that corrects the professor mid-lecture and then apologizes for it.”

he flushes, stammers. “i– only if they’re, like, wrong? sometimes?”

adorable.

you step closer. just enough to watch his pupils blow out a little. he’s blinking at you like he’s buffering.

“i need help studying,” you say sweetly. “and you seem.. helpful.”

his mouth opens. closes. “uh– sure?”

“great.” you tilt your head. “library at seven?”

he nods, slow and stunned.

you smile wider. “and if you’re good,” you say, voice low enough to make him swallow, “i might let you kiss me.”

you don’t wait for a response. just turn and walk off, backpack slung lazily over your shoulder.

when you glance back, he’s still standing there. frozen, mouth slightly open, entire brain fried like a cheap motherboard.

you laugh to yourself.

this is going to be so much fun.

he shows up to the library that night. you weren’t sure he would. he seemed like the type to overthink it until he got hives. but there he is 6:57, laptop in hand, adorned in what looked like a bunch of different stickers. the etsy type.

“hey,” you say, flashing a smile as he slides into the seat next to you.

he nearly fumbles his bag off the table. “hey,” he replies, voice quiet. “so… what’re you stuck on?”

you don’t even bother pretending to know. just hand him your notes with a shrug and start watching him instead.

he’s so earnest. brows furrowed. lips pressed together. squinting at your writing like it personally offended him.

you’re supposed to be learning about political theory, but all you can think about is what his mouth would feel like on your neck. how red his ears would get if you sat in his lap right now and pulled on his hoodie strings.

by the end of the night, he’s explained two chapters, drawn a chart, and unconsciously flexed his hands at least a dozen times.

you lean back, stretch, and smile at him sweetly. “you’re a really good teacher.”

he turns a little pink. scratches the back of his neck.

“…thanks?”

“don’t thank me yet,” you murmur. “you’ve got office hours again tomorrow.”

he swallows.

you don’t kiss him. not yet. you let him walk home in a daze, probably questioning whether he imagined the whole thing.

you make him wait.

over the next two weeks, you meet him three more times.

once in the library, once at a coffee shop, and once after class in an empty study room.

every time, he gets a little bolder. not much. just enough for you to notice.

his knees brush yours under the table and he doesn’t pull back. he teases you when you mess up a definition. he looks you in the eye a little longer than he did before, until you’re the one who has to look away.

“you’re learning,” you hum one night.

he just shrugs, smirking softly.

“you said if i was good, i’d get to kiss you.”

his voice is low. deeper now. like he’s starting to realize he has some kind of effect on you.

you smile, sweet and lethal.

“maybe next time.”

you invite him over on a thursday night.

you claim it’s for a “final review session” before the quiz. you text him your address, and tell him to wear something comfortable.

he shows up in another hoodie and sweatpants. his glasses are clean for once. his hair still a mess, but in a way that almost looks intentional.

you pretend to study for fifteen minutes.

fifteen.

after that, you crawl into his lap, straddle his legs, and tilt his chin up.

“still wanna kiss me?”

he doesn’t answer. just leans in and kisses you like he’s been thinking about it for weeks.

and god, he’s so warm. so eager. he kisses like he means it, messy and deep, hands hovering just shy of your waist like he’s scared to hold on too tightly.

you grind down once and he chokes on a moan.

“shit– wait–”

you pull back and grin.

“don’t tell me this is your first time.”

he goes red, but his eyes are sharp now, glinting under the low light of your room.

“…why would you think that?”

you laugh, breathless. “because you’re a loser. you raise your hand in lectures. you wear anime pins. you fumble your phone when i look at you.”

“so?” he murmurs, licking into your mouth, voice rough. “i can still make you cum.”

you blink. stunned.

he grins, slow and devastating. glasses slipping again, hands sliding up your thighs.

“wanna bet?”

you don’t even make it five minutes into the “study” session before he’s got you pinned to the couch.

your laptop’s open on some political science quizlet. long forgotten.

your panties are shoved halfway down your thighs, hoodie thrown on the floor somewhere, one of his hands gripping your jaw while the other is buried deep inside you.

“what happened to all that attitude?” he mutters against your mouth, voice low, breath warm. “thought you said i was a loser.”

you gasp, try to buck your hips, but he holds you still. his fingers curl just right and your entire spine arches.

“fuck– satoru–”

“say it again,” he growls, licking into your mouth like he’s starving. “say i’m a loser.”

you whimper. “you’re– fuck, you’re not–”

“hmm?” his thumb circles your clit, lazy and cruel. “what was that?”

you choke on a moan. it’s disgusting how wet you are. slick dripping down his knuckles, pooling under your ass on the cushions.

he’s still got his glasses on. slightly fogged. his hair’s messier than usual, sleeves shoved up to his elbows. he looks deranged. brilliant. completely in control.

and all you want is more.

“please,” you breathe. “just– fuck me– please–”

he pulls his fingers out and sucks them into his mouth like he’s tasting you.

“you ask so nicely,” he hums, grinning like the devil. “but i think you need a little warm-up first.”

you expect him to drop to his knees.

you don’t expect him to pull you by the hips and throw you over his face.

he lays back on the couch, one arm hooked under your thigh, and drags you down onto his mouth.

“oh– fuck–”

his tongue is obscene. messy. insistent. his nose brushes your clit every time he moves, and he groans like he’s the one getting off.

you’re gasping, grinding against his face, grabbing fistfuls of his hair like a girl possessed.

he pulls back once to breathe and licks his lips, eyes half-lidded, voice wrecked.

“sweetest i’ve ever had in my life,” he mutters. “could stay here all night.”

you cum on his tongue twice.

by the time he lets you down, your legs are jelly. your voice is half-gone. and he’s hard. painfully hard. under his sweatpants.

“c’mere,” he mutters, voice rough. “you owe me something.”

you drop to your knees without hesitation.

he’s thick, flushed, leaking at the tip, and way too big for the loser nerd image he gives off in class.

“god,” you whisper, wrapping a hand around it. “you’ve been hiding this from me?”

“was waiting for you to find out,” he says, pushing his glasses up, totally smug.

you stroke him slow, spit-slick and teasing, then lean in and drag your tongue up the underside.

his breath stutters. “f-fuck–”

you take him in deep, hollow your cheeks. he groans and grabs the back of your head.

“god, you’re good,” he mutters, hips twitching. “knew you’d suck cock like a slut.”

you whimper around him, moan at the taste, the weight, the way his thigh tenses under your hand.

he fucks your mouth slowly. not too deep, not yet.  just enough to make your eyes water.

when he pulls you off, you’re panting, spit dripping down your chin.

“get on the couch,” he says, voice dark. “hands and knees.”

you scramble up, bend over, and he groans.

“fuck– look at that.”

he presses himself up behind you, drags the head of his dick through your folds, and leans forward to whisper against your ear.

“you’re gonna let the virgin loser fuck you like this?” he murmurs, kissing your neck.

“yes,” you whine. “please– satoru, i need it–”

he thrusts in all at once.

you gasp, your eyes rolling back.

he’s so deep it makes your stomach flip, one hand digging into your hip while the other presses between your shoulder blades, pushing you down.

he starts fucking you like he’s been waiting years. filthy, relentless, fast and hard and deep enough you can barely think.

“not such a brat now, huh?” he pants. “still think i’m just some nerd?”

you’re moaning, crying out, face smushed into a pillow as he hits your g-spot with every thrust like a bullseye

he leans down, wraps a hand around your throat, and groans when you clench around him.

“tight little pussy,” he mutters. “knew you’d be like this. couldn’t stop thinking about it. mmph– gonna ruin you–”

he pulls out and flips you over ignoring your whine of protest. pushes your legs up to your chest, and drills into you.

you cum again, shaking, sobbing into his mouth as he kisses you through it.

he pulls back just enough to look at you, sweat on his brow, pupils blown.

“you want it inside?” he grunts, hips stuttering. “want me to fill you up?”

“yesyes– fuck, please–”

“god, you’re filthy,” he groans. 

he cums hard. deep, slow thrusts, hips grinding into yours, breath hot against your throat as he empties inside you.

you’re both panting. ruined. bodies tangled on your shitty dorm couch.

he pulls out slow, watches his cum leak out of you, and smirks.

“extra credit,” he says, breathless. “you definitely passed.”

[girlyassumes]

Repetitively affirming isn't necessary

I need this reminder, and you might need it, too. A lot of coaches and content creators pitch the idea of repeating affirmations to saturate and help reprogram your mind. I've done it for a couple of manifestations now and it can definitely help, which is why I've talked about it here on my blog. However, when you're doing it so frequently, it can feel tiring, like you're experiencing burnout. I know this because I myself have been experiencing it lately and realized that this is definitely not how I'm supposed to feel.

Think of all the times you've made a decision, only stated it one time, and then it came to fruition. Or how you might've rampaged for only 5 minutes and then you manifested what you wanted. There's already proof that you don't have to repeat your affirmations over and over to get what you want. And, if you're like me and feeling burnt out from ridiculous amounts of repetition, then stop yourself. Whether you're doing it in your mind, scripting a lot, etc, slow down if it's causing you stress and burnout. Because, again, that is not how it's supposed to feel.

Looking at my successes, both big and small, I've noticed it didn't come from affirming over and over again, weeks on end. It came from being in a state of confidence and convincing myself that I already had what I wanted, not worrying and stressing that it's not something I have yet. I am very guilty of stressing myself out with one of my seemingly bigger manifestations, which absolutely sucks but it can happen when it feels like a big leap and you feel it needs to show up in a short period of time. There can also be underlying feelings that you might not be catching onto to, like, doubtfulness, disbelief, unworthiness, etc. These feelings might be subconsciously manifesting themselves into your present state, making it feel harder and more stressful for you. I know damn well because I've put myself through it.

So then, what's the solution? Well, we have to dodge those doubts and what circumstances are being thrown at us, because those doubts and insecurities are what's causing problems in the first place. Affirm when you're experiencing feelings of doubtfulness, disbelief, and stress. You don't have to constantly affirm like there's no tomorrow. Affirming is here to keep you in that positive, wish fulfilled state. It's here to remind you that you already have what you want, no matter what your 3D reality is trying to push. View affirmations as your safety net, not what you constantly need to do in order to get your manifestation. Techniques (like repetitive affirming) are there to assist; they're not requirements for you to get what you want. If repetitively affirming helps, then do it. But, from my own experience, I've done it too much at times and it fried my brain.

I cannot stress enough, LOA works paradoxically when it comes to timing and how it shows up. When we pressure ourselves too much on time, it'll slow down the manifestation from showing up. It's a form of acting as if it's not already ours. Don't say things like, "If I don't get this thing in [x] amount of time, it's not mine." or "Law of assumption doesn't work if I don't get it within the period of time I want it." That is doubt. Time - including timelines like the past and future - is something made up by society. Time is an illusion, as crazy as that sounds. If you take your focus off of it, it'll relieve so much stress and make your manifestation show up quicker. You also don't focus on how you'll get it because, again, there are infinite ways your manifestation can make its way to you. That is not for you to worry about. The action of manifesting is simply putting it out there that it's yours, not repetitively affirming, focusing on time, etc. Manifesting isn't a process - it's a simple action we take.

Something that relieves me - who's a worrywart and overthinker - is reminding myself that manifestation is 100% guaranteed to happen. Think of it like riding a mechanical bull at the bar. It's supposed to be fun and the object of it is to hang onto it without falling off. View the bull as what you're manifesting. You've gotta hold onto that bull and not lose your grip. If you stress about it and lose your grip, it knocks you off of it. But guess what? Even if you do, you can hop right back onto that bull and get a better grip on it. The only way you won't win a mechanical bull ride competition is if you say, "I give up" and don't try again. So, what I'm saying is that wavering is okay - it happens to all of us. But don't think it'll stop you from getting what you want and that you can't pick yourself back up just because you knocked yourself down. You. Cannot. Fail. At. Manifesting.

Also understand that if you tell yourself, "I'll just keep living life like I had been before I knew about law of assumption," things won't change or they won't necessarily improve. You are always manifesting, and when you do things like complain or let insecurities get to you, you'll subconsciously manifest things that are unfavorable. If you feel burnt out or stressed, understand that it's not because the thing you want isn't meant for you or that you're doing something wrong, it's you thinking from the state of "I don't have it" and forcing techniques onto yourself that aren't helping you. Don't put pressure on yourself and do something that brings you to a better state of mind, even if it's as simple as doing a hobby you enjoy.

Also keep in mind that there are times where manifesting change may feel uncomfortable because you're shifting your reality to one that you aren't used to. But realize you want that change because you noticed something in your life that's lacking; something that's making you unhappy. Ask yourself: Do you want to keep living the life you've been living without seeing any change or do you want to improve your life even if you experience feelings of discomfort for a short period of time? You decide. You're the operant power and can change your life for the better just by making a simple decision.

[boohorns1136439]

Learning to belong ~ poly!MHA x fem!Reader (09)

Alright, merry Christmas everyone ! A bit late but still. I don’t have anything to offer to you guys. I can activate my anonymous ask if you guys want to ask me questions about the fic, I won’t say anything that’ll spoil the story but if any of you have a question. Why not ?

Warning: cursing (?)

Tags: Pack! Izuku Midoriya X Bakugo Katsuki X Shoto Todoroki X Kirishima Eijirou ; Pack! X fem!Reader ; Omega!Izuku Midoriya ; Omega!Bakugo Katsuki ; Omega!Shoto Todoroki ; Omega!Kirishima Eijirou ; technically Beta!Reader ; modern Au ; post-UA ; Reader has a quirk ; non hero!Reader ; smut eventually ; fem!Reader ; afab!Reader

08 <- 09 -> 10

Masterlist

Taglist

Izuku left his appartement troubled the day Todoroki’s "confessed" to them what really happened at the hospital. He’d spent the morning buried in his work at the agency he shared with Katsuki, hoping patrols and incident reports would quiet the uneasiness settling inside him. But it lingered, clouding his thoughts.

It wasn’t anger, not exactly. Or at least, not just anger. Frustration, maybe. A weight of uncertainty pressing on his chest, mixed with a bitter taste of jealousy he wasn’t proud to admit. He understood. He did. He knew how overwhelming a bad heat could be for an omega, how it could strip away all logic, leaving them at the mercy of your instincts. He’d been there himself, and he’d rather break every bones in his body than revisiting some of those awkward, clumsy high school’s memories. Though that knowledge didn’t make it easier to imagine Todoroki in that vulnerable, desperate state, reaching out for a stranger. The thought twisted in his chest. It wasn’t that Izuku doubted Todoroki’s love or loyalty. Absolutely not, years of shared struggles, laughters, near-death battles, and quiet mornings filled with kisses and affection had since long dispelled his old fears of being abandoned and not being enough for his pack. But imagining Todoroki like that, with someone else, left him haunted by the question: What if Kirishima hadn’t come in time? It had clung to him all morning, feeding his uneasiness. Again, It wasn’t about mistrust, he trusted Todoroki with his own life, it was about the helplessness of it all. He hated that his mate had gone through something so overwhelming and difficult, and he hadn’t been there to help.

By the time lunch rolled around, the weight of his thoughts was too much to bear. Izuku found Katsuki in the breakroom, halfway through his usual homemade lunch.

“Kacchan,” Izuku began hesitantly, sliding into the seat across from him and opening his own lunch box.

Katsuki paused mid-chew, his sharp crimson eyes narrowing recognizing the worried look in his mate green eyes . “What?”

Izuku poked at his food, his appetite nowhere to be found. “It’s about Shoto.”

That got Katsuki’s attention. He set his chopsticks down with a deliberate clink, leaning back in his chair with a sigh.

“What about him? You still hung up on the hospital thing?”

“I’m not ‘hung up,’” Izuku said quickly, though the defensiveness in his voice betrayed him. “I just… I don’t know how to feel about it. I can’t stop thinking about it.”

“You’re overthinking. As usual.”

“Kacchan, I’m serious. Please.”

Katsuki studied him for a moment, his sharp gaze softening just slightly. “Are you mad at him? You know he wouldn’t have done that if his brain wasn’t heat-fried, right?”

“No, I’m not mad at him. Maybe a little,” Izuku admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. “But I’m more mad at myself. This whole thing is just so… weird. And maybe if I’d noticed he was going into an early heat, none of this would’ve happened.”

Katsuki clicked his tongue, leaning forward. “You’re not a damn mind reader. The half-and-half bastard didn’t even know what was going on with himself. Yeah, it sucks, and I don’t like it too, but you can’t stop every little thing from going wrong before it happens.”

Izuku frowned, concern flickering across his face. “I know, but I’m still really worried about him. Didn’t he still look… off this morning? I can’t shake the feeling that he’s not okay.”

“Of course, he’s not okay,” Katsuki snapped, though there was no real bite in his voice. “But that’s why we, you’ve gotta talk to him instead of sitting here stewing in your own damn head like a dumbass. You wanna fix this? Go home and deal with it. No point in worrying all day about it, focus on what you can do now and do it.”

Izuku nodded in response.

“You’re right. I just—thank you, Kacchan. Really.”

Katsuki rolled his eyes but didn’t pull his hand away when Izuku reached out to give it a quick squeeze. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t get all sappy on me.”

He held Izuku’s hand for a moment before pulling free, grabbing his chopsticks again.

“Now shut up and eat,” Katsuki added. “I didn’t bust my ass making lunch just for you to waste it.”

Izuku smiled, the tension in his chest easing just a little.

.

.

.

By the time Izuku got home that evening, the weight in his chest had eased, thanks to Katsuki’s words lingering in his mind. Tonight, it would just be him and Todoroki. Kirishima and Bakugo were out on night patrol so they wouldn’t be back before later in the night.

The apartment was quiet, save for the soft hum of the heater. As Izuku stepped into the living room, he spotted Todoroki on the couch, sitting cross-legged with a bowl of peach slices perched on the armrest beside him. He looked up briefly when Izuku entered, his lips twitching into a faint smile. But it didn’t reach his eyes, just polite, and anything but genuine.

“Hey,” Izuku greeted gently, as he studied Todoroki’s face. The jealousy and frustration that had gnawed at him earlier felt distant now, the only thing left from his emotional turmoil was concern for his mate.

“Long day?” he asked, moving closer.

Todoroki shrugged, picking up a peach slice from the bowl.

“Not really. Just tired.”

“Tired how?” Izuku pressed, sitting beside him. “Post-heat tired, or… something else?”

There was a pause, just long enough for Izuku to notice the way Todoroki’s fingers tightened around the edge of the bowl.

“Post-heat tired,” he replied, but his voice was clipped and dismissive.

“You went to the hospital to apologize, right? Did you see her?”

Todoroki stilled at the mention of the hospital. His whole body froze, and his gaze dropped to the floor. The air between them grew heavy, and the silence that followed was thick and uncomfortable, making Izuku regret his words almost instantly.

“I went,” Todoroki murmured eventually, his voice so low Izuku almost didn’t catch it. “But she wasn’t there.”

“Well… that’s okay,” Izuku said carefully. “You can try another time. Or maybe write her a letter to the director’s hospital directly so he can arrange a meeting?”

Todoroki didn’t respond, his posture unusually stiff. Normally, Todoroki’s silences were comfortable, but this one made Izuku worry even more as his green eyes flicked to the bowl of peaches, then back to his mate.

“Peaches ?” he said, trying poorly to lighten the mood.

“I bought them after going to the hospital,” Todoroki replied flatly, popping another slice into his mouth without meeting Izuku’s gaze.

Everything felt off. Even Todoroki’s scent was wrong. The usual freshness and sweetness of frozen berries and honey was tainted with something sharp and sour, a bitterness that made his nose itchy and worried his omega. His omega instincts screamed at him to do something, to reach out, to comfort his mate.

“Shoto,” Izuku said softly. “If something’s bothering you, you can tell me. You don’t have to deal with it alone.”

Todoroki’s gaze flickered toward the window, his expression unreadable.

“I’m fine,” he said, but the words lacked conviction.

“You’re not fine,” Izuku said, his voice steady but gentle. He gave Todoroki’s knee a light squeeze. “But I’m here, we are all here so whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

Todoroki’s breath hitched, his shoulders stiffening. But for the first time tonight, his blue and grey eyes met Izuku’s.

“I just… what I did was wrong. It wasn’t just the heat. I couldn’t think straight and someone got hurt because of me.”

“Shoto…” Izuku’s chest tightened.

“It doesn’t matter if I wasn’t myself,” Todoroki said bitterly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I still did it. I should’ve been stronger. I don’t even understand how I could just lose control like that. It’s never happened before.”

“You’re not immune to your instincts, no matter how much control over them you think you have.”

Todoroki’s jaw tightened, his gaze shifting to the floor.

”I hurt someone, Izuku. That’s not something I can just excuse because I was in heat.”

As he faced Todoroki, Izuku remembered Katsuki’s words from earlier that day, and found himself offering a similar piece of advice to his mate. The green and orange pair unknowingly working together to support their mate.

“I’m not saying it excuses anything. What you did was wrong, and you know that. But beating yourself up over it won’t fix anything. What will make a difference is taking action, doing what you're already trying to do: owning up to it and making it right. ”

Slowly, Todoroki leaned forward, letting his forehead rest against Izuku’s shoulder, as if the weight of it all had finally pushed him down. Izuku didn’t hesitate, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him even closer. Todoroki felt tense under his touch, and something told Izuku there was more than just guilt. Something deeper, but for now, he didn’t push. He held him tighter, letting his mate feel the steady warmth of his presence.

“Can I have some peaches?” Izuku murmured after a moment, his second attempt at lightening the mood that night, but, as always, he never gave up.

Todoroki huffed softly, the sound almost like a laugh. “No.”

Izuku smiled at the sound and tried to grab a slice of peach anyway, but Todoroki moved the bowl out of reach.

“Wait, seriously?”

“I’m eating them all,” he said matter-of-factly, though the corners of his lips twitched upward, hinting at a playful smile.

“I didn’t know you liked it so much.”

Todoroki shrugged. “I never cared for peach, but I’ve been craving them lately.”

Hey guys, I didn’t update on Sunday like I planned, and I don’t think I’ll manage a second update today either (sorry about that 😭). In my defense, I did try, but I can be lazy sometimes and I didn’t like the first version of this chapter. This chapter ended up shorter than I wanted, and I struggled writing it. I’d love your thoughts on it, in fact I need it for this chapter (Izuku, the dialogue, characterization...). I am not happy about it but I don’t think I can improve it anymore. I won’t make any promises I can’t keep, but let’s hope the next chapter is longer. After the holidays, I should be free, so Chapter 10 will be out next week!

As always, criticisms are welcomed

Big thank you to @cafekitsune who made the beautiful dividers

08 <- 09 -> 10

Taglist: @too-much-gacha ; @electronicexpertshark ; @poopopp ; @cjdjfhfhfufjfdj ; @kimi01985 ; @icycoldbeanieweanies ; @ghostlyworld ; @marsbars09 ; @queenondeezmatatas ; @imnotherw ; @bedheadloser ; @chrisbiniesluvrr ; @fsocs-blog ; @jadeddangel ; @qardasngan ; @omgeyeless-blog ; @goldenglow149 ; @andysteve1311 ; @pinkmelodies ; @hopefulb1ue ; @redkarmakai ; @zukusluvr ; @navezepol221 ; @candiiee ; @aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaq ; @mniya ; @randomhuman112 ; @mintvender r ; @deadendgrim ; @captainswanarcher ; @figbaby ; @midnight-nightmare ; @bluepatrolbear ; @talilosha ; @bawlangya ; @optimisticprime3 ; @purplescorpi0 ; @astrolovedy ; @desiree-lee ; @okaysxx ; @the-faceless-bride ; @thelameone101 ; @gethexxed ; @lowkeyhottho ; @bvirrious ; @heespretty ; @roxy776699 ; @kamy-thee-egg ; @talia-the-gemini ; @pikachuzhc ; @itsnotjustmyself-blog ; @roxy776699 ; @mystic60 ; @reallysparklychaos ; @sixxze ; @blurryperrtymoonlight ; @1poison-cat1 ; @allyfoxglove ; @mindsbloody ; @jkvolgs ; @haruaikawa ; @k3nmakyan ; @my-anime-garden ; @fto6 ; @hanniesroom ; @readeryn68 ; @queenofsimps001 ; @mai1em ; @demonzgutzz ; @sleepy-x-snake ; @xxang3|zz ; @decadentcrusadefun ; @shhhstar ; @n3ptOnee ; @nxcx|Ixsevens

[iamtired10]

lost in equations, found in you

pairing - kim minji x female reader

synopsis - with exams coming up and your temper on edge, minji tries her best to help you through a brutal study session.

genre - fluff (someone plz request angst ;-;)

warnings - strong language, reader losing her temper

a/n - nighty guys, ilysm 💔

— richiesto

you were slumped over the desk, staring at your notebook like it was your mortal enemy.

the equations blurred in front of your eyes, the numbers twisting into shapes that had no meaning whatsoever.

you were beyond pissed.

at this point, your brain was fried.

“fucking... i swear this shit is useless,” you grumbled, aggressively erasing something that, in hindsight, probably wasn‘t even wrong.

from the other side of the room, minji peered at you, her head tilted like an innocent, curious puppy.

“hey,” she said softly, approaching like you were a bomb about to explode. “need some help?”

“Do i look like i need help?” you snapped, though your frustration wasn't really aimed at her.

minji didn‘t flinch—she knew how you got when you were stressed, and today was no exception.

she sat down beside you, her elbow nudging yours playfully. “c’mon, babe. you know i’m the math whiz here. lemme see.”

you glared at the pages, sighing. “if you fix this, i’ll worship the ground you walk on. like, seriously. it’s like these numbers are out to ruin my fucking life.”

minji giggled, reaching for the pencil in your hand.

her fingers brushed against yours, sending an unexpected jolt through you.

for a second, the anger melted into something softer, but you quickly covered it up with more cursing. “goddamn math, i swear.”

“alright, alright. let me take a look,” she said, scanning the equations with a calm that only minji seemed capable of.

you admired that about her—how she never got ruffled, no matter how much you spiraled.

you sat there, fidgeting, the silence gnawing at you as minji scribbled away. you leaned back in your chair, glaring at the ceiling, muttering curses under your breath.

after what felt like forever, minji glanced up, her lips curled into a mischievous grin.

“i fixed it," she said in that calm, almost too-adorable voice that always made you want to punch something soft out of affection.

“fixed it???” you leaned over to see the page.

sure enough, the equation was neatly solved, the steps laid out in her annoyingly perfect handwriting.

you stared at it for a second, blinking.

“HOW?” you nearly shouted, throwing your hands up in frustration. “how do you make it look so easy?!”

minji laughed, her eyes crinkling at the edges in that way that made you melt. “because it’s not that hard, babe. you’re just overthinking it."

“overthinking it?” you repeated, standing up and pacing around the room. “i wish i could overthink it. my brain‘s running on 2% battery, minji. i can’t even think anymore. it’s like—” you waved your arms dramatically—“static up here!”

minji watched you with amusement, leaning her chin on her palm. “you‘re so cute when you’re pissed.”

you whipped around, pointing at her. “don‘t patronize me! this shit‘s hard!”

“okay, okay, i won’t,” she said, but her smile gave her away.

you narrowed your eyes at her. “i see what you're doing, kim minji. you’re trying to distract me with your fucking... cuteness...”

minji just shrugged, the tiniest smirk on her lips. “is it working, babe?”

you huffed, crossing your arms. “no. and stop being cute. i’m mad.”

but minji wasn’t having it.

she got up, walking over to you and wrapping her arms around your waist from behind. she rested her chin on your shoulder, her voice soft in your ear. “you‘re stressed, my sweet baby. you need a break.”

“yeah, well, i’ll take a break when this stupid exam is over and i never have to look at a math problem again.”

she tightened her hold on you, swaying slightly. “you’re too hard on yourself, y'know that?”

you sighed, the tension in your body slowly loosening as minji held you close.

damn it, she was too good at this.

“i’m not hard on myself,” you muttered. “i just hate being bad at stuff.”

“you‘re not bad at math,” she said, her voice soothing. “you just need a little more practice.”

“practice? psh, who has time for practice when there’s like a million other things to stress about?”

minji laughed softly, her breath warm against your skin. “well, lucky for you, you’ve got me. i’ll help you as much as you need, okay?”

you let out a long breath, leaning into her. “fine. but if you fix this shit, i’m taking you out for the best ramen in town.”

“deal.” she grinned, kissing your cheek before letting go. “now sit down and let’s get this over with.”

you sat back down, eyeing the math problem like it had personally wronged you.

minji slid back into the chair beside you, her hand resting on your knee as she guided you through the next problem, step by step.

after a few minutes, your frustration began to fade, replaced by the steady rhythm of solving equations together.

minji’s calm voice kept you grounded, and her presence—so close, so comforting—was like a balm for your frayed nerves.

“see?” minji said after you successfully solved another equation. “you’ve got this. you‘re just too quick to doubt yourself.”

“yeah, well,” you muttered, “i guess it helps having the cutest tutor in the world.”

minji’s cheeks flushed, and she ducked her head, clearly flustered. “shut up," she mumbled, but her smile betrayed her.

you grinned, feeling a warmth spread through you that had nothing to do with math. “seriously, though. i don’t know what i’d do without you.”

“fail your exam?" minji teased.

“probably,” you admitted with a laugh. “but at least i’d go down knowing i had the best girlfriend ever.”

minji rolled her eyes, but you could tell she was pleased. “you’re so dramatic.”

“only for you and math, pookie,” you said, winking.

“DON‘T CALL ME THAT!!!”

“too bad, pookie bear!”

maybe the math wasn’t so bad after all.

but even if it was, at least you had minji to get you through it.

a/n - tired :|

[wanderingconstellations]

"I miss writing." You muttered, looking at your laptop that's resting on your desk. God, you wanted to write so bad, but you don't feel like it either. Whenever you sat down and— get ready to write, nothing comes in mind. It's like whenever you decide to write, your thoughts simply just dissolves and disappears like air.

You groaned in frustration as you struggled to come up with a single idea. None pops up. You don't feel the motivation, it doesn't feel the same. You feel exhausted just by taking a seat in your chair. Unbelievable, right?

"Why don't you just write then?" A voice from behind brings you back to Earth, a familiar voice that always sends butterflies into your stomach. You turned to look at the man, eyes staring directly back at his own. God, you sometimes forget how handsome this man could be.

"What do you know? I can't just write without a plot!" You utter, clicking your tongue in annoyance. Really, you can't. It just doesn't feel right. Without plot, how are your readers going to understand your writings?

Ah, stupid question.

They wouldn't understand without an explanation of what's going on, obviously.

"You think too much. Probably why your brain is all fried."

His words made you groan in response. He's can be such a sarcastic bitch, but he wasn't wrong. You probably overthink too much. Like your followers, requests, studies and how people think of you. Pathetic, really.

"You're right, I guess."

"You guess?" He asks, raising brow. Internally, the way he's looking at you is making you sigh dreamily. "Let me help. I'm not as skilled as you, but I might as well spare ideas." He continues as a sly smirk grows on his lips.

"wait. WAIT. WHAT'S WITH THAT SMIRK ON YOUR FACE?!"

—— SCARAMOUCHE, KAEYA, WRIOTHESLEY, cyno, kaveh, CHILDE, ayato, SAMPO, jing yuan + ANY OF YOUR FAVES 🫶

------

Continue the end with your imagination 🤭

I tried, and decided to end it here. I haven't written in such a long time, sad really. Thank you for my friend for lending me her laptop to use. Mine was accidentally spilled with coffee (sadly). Accidents happen though. It's fine. Hopefully I can get back writing more <3

[kindnessisweakness2]

10

Emily winced as the needle glided over her hip bone. She liked the pain but sometimes when the needle hit that sweet spot she couldn't help but bite down hard on her lip or pull a funny face. "So i heard that someone has become quite the special guest around Charming royalty." Emily's tattooist Mimi grinned as she continued to ink the dark black lines across the curve of her hip. Emily couldnt help but roll her eyes, a smile spreading on her face at the mention of Jax. "I dont know where you heard that Mimi, maybe the Charming gossips are wrong this time." Mimi pulled a skeptical face, the smile never leaving her. "Well if thats the case, why are all the girls in this shitty town having a crisis over the fact that Jax hasn't slept with anyone since a certain someone stormed into TM?" Mimi wiggled her eyes at a shocked Emily. There was no way Jax wasn't sleeping around. The girl she put in her place last night was clearly a recent fling. Jax's sex life was nothing to do with her. Before she could overthink it anymore, the bell above the shop door rang. Mimi removed her gloves before heading to the reception area.

Emily took the moment to breathe. She was having a 6 hour session today and was already 3.5 hours in. Cara was having a lazy day, trying to ease the hangover she was left with after last nights party. "Em, you have a visitor." Mimi spoke breaking Emily's thoughts. Maybe Cara decided to actually leave her bed today. "Oh okay-" Shifting to her side as much as she could, trying to keep her position on the bed, Emily shoved the privacy screen back fully expecting to see her best friend. Instead she found Jax stood there looking as sexy as ever, holding a TO-GO bag from Harry's Diner. Emily's eyes widened in embarrassment, she was currently half naked on the tattoo chair and clearly was not expecting her visitor to be Jax. Jax's eyes widened for a completely different reason. She was fucking sexy as hell lay on the bed in nothing but a black thong and a black V-Neck cropped shirt. The ink on her legs and stomach just added to the awe of her. The designs contrasting against her sunkissed skin. Her hair pulled high into a messy bun and her face bare of any make up. Clearing his throat Jax had to force his brain to form words. "I know you mentioned your appointment yesterday, and i thought id stop by with food." Jax could feel his cheek's tinge pink and he hated it. Emily smiled at him, patting the stool next to her. "Take a seat Teller, you can feed me while Mimi here inflicts pain on me." Mimi giggled as she took her seat, pulling on a new pair of gloves. "So much for wrong gossips aye?" She quipped. Emily shot her a look before turning to Jax as he sat on the stool. "I also need to give you the heads up that Juice is currently in your house. I think him and Cara really hit it off." Jax spoke as he opened the bag of food pulling out a coke for her. Emily smiled as she gratefully accepted the drink. "Thats fine. From the way Cara talked about him last night i think he's going to be a regular at my house. She's really into him. Hopefully he doesnt take it too hard when she goes home though, shes only here for 3 weeks." Jax nodded holding out the tray of fries for her, Emily leaning over as much as she could to feed Mimi a few. "So there was one other thing i needed to talk to you about." Emily leaned back in the chair, wincing as Mimi started shaving on the sensitive curve of her hip. Biting her lip she looked up at Jax, nodding for him to carry on so he knew she was listening. Jax's breath hitched in his throat as he looked at her. God the urge to push her back and take her right there on the tattoo chair was immense. Clearing his throat he mentally kicked himself and forced his brain to form words. "I'm going away for a few days. Up to Nevada to see my uncle." Emily hated how the words made her stomach sink. It made her realise how attached to him she had gotten. "You dont have to explain yourself to me Jax. Enjoy the time with your family." Jax smiled at her and it made her heart leap in her chest. Just like every other girl he flashed his pearly whites at. The reality was she was at the bottom of a very long list of women who would give their left leg to be the one Jax chose to have a life with. She could deny it to everyone else but couldnt to herself anymore. She genuinely liked him. "Well the thing is some of the guys are going with me, so we're all leaving from the clubhouse in the morning. I was wondering if you'd come by? Alot of the old ladies and family will be there. Cara can say bye to Juice and i can see you before i go." Emily's cheeks glowed pink as she realised he wanted her there. He wanted to see her. Mimi turned to wipe her tattoo gun and collect more ink. Emily was thankful for the momentary break, her skin was warm and sore after almost 4.5 hours in the chair. Making eye contact with Mimi as she leaned down to resume the assault on her skin, she didnt miss the smirk and knowing look she recieved. "Sure why not. Ill never hear the end of it if Cara doesnt see Juice off."

Both of them grinned wide at each other. Emily happy that he'd admitted he wanted to see her, but trying to keep her metaphorical feet on the ground that they were just friends. Even if her head wanted to be up in the clouds day dreaming about what her and Jax could have.

Jax was happy that he got her to agree, knowing already that he would miss her terribly the next few days while he visited Jury.

He hadnt even left Charming yet and he already regretted agreeing to the visit.

************************************************************************

Here you go guys!

I hope you are all enjoying this. Apolgies it has been so long since posting, i have been having issues with my account!

Let me know what you think so far and where you would like to see this go!

[cryptidsurveys]

Sunday, June 29th, 2025.

Lol, Liv drew our cattery crew. From left to right: Liv, me, Kristen, River, Natasha, and Riley. ;D Does your house have a separate laundry room? Our washer and dryer are in the basement, but we don't have an actual "laundry room."

Do your parents still help you financially? I live with my dad and we put both of our incomes toward expenses.

List 3 things you can see from where you’re sitting. My two kitties, a pile of folded blankets, and the sky.

Do you go by any nicknames? My mom often uses various terms of endearment, but no, I don't go by any nicknames.

Are you a very talkative person? I can be quite talkative with my parents and my therapist, but when it comes to most other people, I am much less so. I was telling my dad just yesterday that I probably initiate 10% of conversations at the animal shelter, if even that. Even when others speak to me first, my responses are typically brief or "closed" in the sense that they don't really invite much further discussion. Sometimes I'm a bit better at carrying on conversations, but those instances are less common.

What stereotype about your age group do you definitely live up to? I love beige, lmao. Or just simple, minimalistic designs. Usually with a warm and rustic nature as opposed to those that are sleek and cold.

When was the last time it rained where you live? I think that would have been last Tuesday.

Where is your local polling place for elections? I haven't been to a polling place for many years - I have used mail-in / drop-off ballots for the past few elections - so I'm not even sure whether it's still there or not, but I'm pretty sure it was in the same building where my dad stayed for a while after his heart surgery. Some sort of physical rehab + nursing home type of place…? It's not far from here at all, maybe about a mile.

What was the topic of the last documentary you watched? It was a video by History of the Earth called "The First Brain - How And When Did It Evolve?" I fell asleep about halfway through, though. I love that channel, as well as History of the Universe and History of Humankind. I've seen almost every video they've put out.

Does your car have a backup camera? It does not.

Have either of your parents ever been in trouble with the law? No.

What was the last restaurant you ate at? My dad and I went to Captain D's for Father's Day. We also stopped at Carl's Jr. on the way to the mountain park, but I just got a small coffee and had a few of my dad's leftover fries.

Are you in the same mood most days or are your emotions all over the place? Yeah, I would say I'm pretty much in the same general mood. Sometimes a bit better, sometimes a bit worse, sometimes my intrusive thoughts, etc, bother me more than usual, but it tends to stay within predictable bounds.

Have you ever had a pet that lived to be really old for its breed/species? I haven't.

Is your skin more oily, dry, or combination? When it comes to my face, it's probably something of a combination. As for my body, I tend to be more on the dry side.

Have you ever been in a relationship that was progressing faster than you wanted it to? Eh.

What kind of flooring is in the room you’re in? Teal carpeting.

Pop quiz! Who is the prime minister of Germany? Idk.

What was the last strong scent you smelled? Probably something at the animal shelter.

Are you more prone to overthinking things, or being too impulsive? I am much more prone to overthinking things, but I do have my occasional impulsive moments.

Which one of your friends do you see the least often? Ollie.

When was the last time you were outside? For any significant amount of time, last Thursday. Going from my car to the house, earlier today.

Do you believe most people are, deep down, good people? Yeah. I would say so. Perhaps they are flawed or have their various shortcomings, but I think most people are very far from being truly bad.

[ochrearia]

My brain is fried and I can't focus here's a masterlist of my RGB headcanons that I make everyone else's problems

Boyfriend (Keith);

-Shortest of the three, do not care that he's "seven foot" dude you are 5'5 at best. And you're still taller than I am so stop complaining freak ass

-His microphone is weaponized & has a built in autotune button. Which is why he sounds like that when he sings. His real singing voice is something he keeps tightly secret because he's too concerned with sounding like something that can fit to every song

-Emotionally connected to Silly Billy/Yourself after they met because I said so. You can't just cross the void and give the wildest bearing of your heart and soul to your other self and not expect some accidental magic to tie you together

-Sometimes struggles with overthinking/depression, no character is safe from me inflicting my traumas on them get fucked

-One half of the stupid and horny duo but he's actually just stupid and horny

-Menace. Menace to everyone. He is cringe but free, loves hard and has no filter will say absolutely anything on his mind

-I am a BF is Miku's brother enjoyer

Girlfriend (Cherry);

-Synesthete. Specifically sound-to-color (Chromesthesia) which is why she's so attracted to music and singers. Also why she loves laughter because that also triggers it

-Chubby. Fight me

-Sweetest person on the planet regardless of her heritage. Better than most humans because it costs nothing to be nice and she likes being kind

-Other half of the stupid and horny duo but she's actually the most emotionally smart person ever. So points for that. Still horny though

-Can hide/show her demonic features whenever she wants, so horns/claws/wings/tail etc at will. Also demons can purr and it has a placating effect on humans like a motherfucker

-IMPOSSIBLE to embarrass. Nothing is illegal to her if she's into it she's into it and everyone can just deal with that

-Has a high body temp and low heartbeat as per demon-human differences

Pico;

-Resident asshole with a lot of problems but is very soft and nice if you get through his million billion walls (BF and GF have)

-The spikiness of his hair correlates directly to how angry he is at any given time. The calmer he is the more rounded off his hair is. If he's pissed he's turning into sonic the damn hedgehog

-The only idiot in the trio to still have a brain. Of which he has to use overtime to keep his partners out of trouble before he has a heart attack

-Guard dog. Guard dog. Guard dog. Until GF or BF cuddle him and then he becomes Lap Dog

-This dude is horrendously ticklish just about everywhere as goes my warpath of making the most hardass dangerous characters into screaming squirmy messes when someone wiggles their fingers at them. BF abuses this consistently

-Struggles with a whole handful of mental health issues but BF and GF are slowly helping him cope. He's completely out of touch with being vulnerable and loving so he still has days that he just Can't but his shell is Breaking.

-Consistently visited by trauma-induced insomnia, can sometimes escape it but other times it rages for days

[pandalexoxo]

i can’t stop imaging myself being transported into tokyo revengers. though, personally, i believe it would be bitter sweet.

TOKYO REVENGERS X MALE READER

i’d love to imagine meeting takemichi, and confiding in him that i know about his power, that, i too, have a secret. i would tell him that i’m not even from this universe. he thinks time leaping 12 years is weird? try telling him you’re from another reality (basically) where he’s an anime.

to sum up my thoughts (i wrote 13 paragraphs before deleting it bc this is suppose to just be a ramble lmfao, maybe i’m uploading it later and get your guys inputs) i just feel like i would try to be the sunshine guard dog protector, y’know? not necessarily swoop in to save takemichi (tho, i’d definitely swoop in to beat some characters asses just bc i have a personal vendetta) because damn! look at how badass and hot takemichi is, whenever he fights?! (that ass. thiccimichi 😩😼)

now, here’s where my heart aches and my brain fries from overthinking. do i tell takemichi that i watched the anime (read the manga too) and know who will die in the end? do i tell him that i know of the anime but haven’t seen it or read the manga?

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR TOKYO REVENGERS ANIME AND MANGA!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

so, we know that in chapter 275 of the manga (probably season 5 in the anime if we’re lucky) takemichi ends up dying by mikey’s hand, a blade through his chest (heart? stomach? idk i haven’t read the manga in a few months. i sobbed hysterically over his death and refused to open the manga back up. that was until chapter 276 came out, how foolish of me to believe takemichi wouldn’t stand back up like he always does. what a true mc)

funny enough, by using mikey’s hand, he’s able to time travel him and mikey, not just 12 years, but back to when they were kids (i think they were 8 or somewhere around there). thus they are able to help each other create their perfect ending.

though… this “perfect ending” can’t happen unless the characters who died stay dead. shinichiro, baji, emma, izana, draken. with these deaths, mikey indulges in his “dark impulses” and thus the kanto manji gang and toman gen 2 end up fighting to lead to takemichi’s death and end with the perfect book closing page.

it’s unfortunate. it makes me tear up, sob, want to throw up (maybe throw myself out the window) but everything needs to happen. not only the deaths but takemichi’s mental health diminishing needs to happen to. this (others teaching him how to fight and his visions) helps takemichi in the last battle to dodge, punch and get close to mikey.

though, how easily takemichi forgives?! boy just smiles off his pain and forgives others, especially in the final chapter??? he just has his beautiful dopey smile on his face when mikey recognized him and then they ride off into the sunset to save their future??? hell. no. i need everyone to put their fists up, stand in a line, and eat my fucking fist.

i need a takemichi villain arc series. would someone be willing to make that for me? what do you want? a cookie? therapy? a hug? emotional and mental stability? no mommy and daddy issues? (i can’t provide the last two unfortunately, still trying to figure that shit out myself lmfaooo. though, my dms are always open. i love chatting with people and sharing dark humor. muah!)

then again, this is why i whole heartedly admire takemichi. he may not be physically strong like the others but as mikey says, he’s incredibly mentally strong. he gets back up. he stays standing. he’s determined and won’t fall until he wins. he’s too kind. i love him so much guys you don’t understandddd. hina, please share, fuck i am on my knees, foaming at the mouth and barking.

ugh :( it’s okay michi. you get your perfect future, though, are you truly happy and at peace? just keep smiling, okay? anywhooo, you know, i could treat you better anyway! xoxo 😼🕺😽

[weird-dere-writes]

okay so like, of course, we're currently coming to the end of the first semester of our final year and Byakkun and I are both starting to become swamped with end-of-term papers, projects etc and preparations for the next semester.

we're seeing each other a little less then normal but still manage to check in via texts and brief moments on campus/the odd date. But it's at times like this that I tend to need to draw on other's support more, to avoid overthinking etc.

I know Byakkun is busy so I try not to bother him more than usual (even though he's of the 'it's unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone' type beat)

and one time when you and I are hanging out, I confess that I miss him and feel bad that work is so all-consuming but I don't want to be so demanding when we're at such a critical point

This song came on while I was writing this response and I think it fits the vibes so well 🥹

Oh my poor, tired, love 🥺.

When you tell me how you’re feeling, I immediately go to hug you close. My hold is gentle, but is still firm enough to let you know I’m here.

I’ve noticed as of late how preoccupied you’ve been. Not necessarily distant, but just swamped.

Admittedly, I had been a little worried about you. Every time i checked on you, you seemed to be working on things. I had wondered if you were even getting any rest. I couldn’t wait for a rest period to come any faster for you, truly.

I feel the way you shiver in my arms, eyes beginning to shine with tears. I’m trying to reassure you with quiet murmurs.

“I’m sorry life is bringing you so much stress right now. Even more so, I feel bad it’s keeping you and your love apart. But I’m more than sure he misses you just as much as you miss him, if not more. I know you worry about being a bother, but I think you should tell him how you feel.”

I’m sure I didn’t know him to the extent you or Ichigo did, but I know Byakkun is considerate enough to do what he can for you regardless of the struggles along the way. I know that he would never see your presence as an intrusion. I try to remind you that you are not a burden adding to his workload. You are the love of his life. And that it’s already in his heart to wanna be there for you when you need him.

But he has to know you need him in order for him to be there :(((( <3.

Byakuya, similar to you has been working in over time. Not only on his grad work, but also for his little class he teaches, and for the tasks he does when working with the organization in charge of Ichigo’s internship. When the two guys work together, Ichigo takes note of how… frazzled Byakkkun has been. And he makes it a point to keep checking in with him to make sure he’s okay.

At some point, when Ichi and Byakkun get some downtime, Byakuya straight up tells Ichigo he feels like he is losing his mind hardly being able to see you amongst all this chaos. But he knows you have enough on your plate. That your academic crazies are probably going extra hard without trying to fit him in between constant study sessions, revisions, exams, meetings with professors.

And Ichigo tells him something similar to what I tell you. But still, thought Byakkun knows he’s right, his brain is so fried he feels like he doesn’t know how to go about rectifying this. So Ichigo tells him that he’s gonna help him figure it out. He grabs a piece of paper and a pen, gives it to Byakuya, asks for his schedule. When he’s in class, when he’s studying, when he’s working on his thesis, when he’s eating, everything. And once Ichi has this information he is texting me.

We begin to make plans to help y’all out, so you don’t have to think about anything. You can save all your energy to your academic pursuits and we can handle all the rest.

Essentially Ichi and I work together to schedule events in which y’all can spend time together simply vibing. Taking little tidbits from conversations wit you both and brainstorming ideas to fulfill those needs in a way that brings both your brains back down to earth.

You mention one day you wish you had something to warm you up as you chug water to keep yourself working diligently. The next day after you’re out of class for the day, I’m picking you up and dropping you off at a small lounge somewhere on campus. Inside awaits a cozy atmosphere with fairy lights, blankets, and your choice of coffee and hot cocoa. There’s a projector set up to watch whatever you please for the next few hours and Byakuya is already there waiting.

Byakuya murmurs to himself about getting some fresh air while scribbling down notes for something. Ichigo is texting me about places with nature you two can go to. Byakkun’s next day is packed, but the day after that is when Ichigo grabs Byakkun and drives him somewhere toward the edge of town. Waiting by a booth nearby where he’s dropped off it me and you.

Ichi and I paid for your fair to walk this trail filled with flowers, lush trees, a bridge overlooking a small pond with koi, zen gardens, and fresh fruit from stands at certain stopping points. Once you two are together and told what’s up I hop in the car with Ichi and leave y’all to it. We come to get you when you message us you’re ready to go.

Stuff like that :3.

Y’all have helped us so much, so we’re more than happy to help shape more self care and quality time with your partner into your hectic and almost impossible seeming schedule. We are also making sure y’all are getting your meals in and getting your rest and all the like. Until this hellish period calms down, we are here for you, and we hope we can help you both to be there more for each other without fear uwu.

I kith you 😘💋

[ashleywool]

Hello! Saw the show on Sunday and loved every second! I'm also a non-union performer who is neurodivergent (ADHD with anxiety comorbidity though I suspect it could be something more) and I've lately been struggling with navigating the audition process and its characteristics (loud waiting rooms, disruption of routine, long travel days, over stimulation of NYC itself) with my how my brain works.

I also live a bit far from the city so I usually need to weigh pros and cons when deciding what to go out for. And I find I'm constantly weighing the effects on my mental state against the opportunities it could give me. Are their things you or your cast mates do to help accommodate during situations like that? Do you think their are accommodations that the theatre community could put in place in audition spaces to better include neurodiverse talent?

To be clear, the actual audition part of it never bothers me it's always the easiest part. I just find I feel completely fried by the time I get in the room because of what it took mentally to get myself there.

Either way How to Dance in Ohio is such a breath of fresh air and I hope it manages to find life after Broadway either on tour or in schools or maybe a spot off-broadway. It has so much more good to give.

Ooooof. I feel this. All of it. I'm originally from northern Westchester and I spent many exhausting commutes doing exactly this.

I would honestly say the best thing you can do for yourself is to join Equity if you are eligible. It's a better audition experience all around, you can sign up for appointments in advance on the member portal and view projects that accept self-tapes, AND it will get you in the room for better jobs.

If you aren't eligible yet or just don't feel ready to compete on that level yet, I'd recommend focusing more on local projects over the big NYC cattle calls. I don't know exactly where you live or what your regional/community theatre scene is like, but I do know that those theaters are the ones that are struggling the most right now and could use people who are passionate and want to build their resumes. It's a lot easier to get seen and get cast, you'll be able to keep your day job and not tunnel-vision your life around waiting on line for crappy nonunion tours that charge Broadway prices but pay minimum wage, AND you will likely meet a lot of people who will get to know you much better and more personally than a casting director ever could in a 2-minute window.

Keep in mind, also, that when you walk into a professional audition and a casting director looks at your resume, they don't care how much you were paid for a job or what kind of contract you were on. And they don't care how you got your Equity card. The only people who care about that stuff are bitter judgmental actors who need the gatekeeping to feel better about themselves (and no matter what your answer is, they won't like you anyway). The people who actually matter only care that you're on time, prepared, friendly, open to direction, and right for the role they need.

As for actually doing the professional NYC audition grind, here are some pro-tips:

-Opt for appointments and self-tapes over "open calls" whenever possible.

-CONTINUE being selective about the projects you go out for. Trust me, I did many years of the "throw all the spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks" method, and it doesn't work, and it will only burn you out more.

-Don't overthink your audition material. You don't need exact 16-bar cuts of ten different in your book for every style of musical theatre. You can do the "overdone" songs and monologues if they fit who you are and the roles you can conceivably play. It's New York. Everything is overdone. YOU are not overdone.

-Dress comfortably. Sounds obvious, but it took me way too long to realize that no, really, I do not have to wear heels to an audition. Be strategic with layers.

-Get a rolling suitcase over a backpack. Way less strain.

-Noise. Cancelling. Headphones. Also, make playlists of your "comfort" songs and your "motivation" songs and your "wind-down" songs and your "zone-out" songs so you have predictable, appropriate background noise to whatever you're doing--commuting, waiting in the holding room, eating lunch, etc. Preferably songs that are not from musicals and have nothing to do with whatever shows you're auditioning for. Auditioning is a job and you need a work-life balance there too.

-Do something else in the city unrelated to auditioning or performing. Go to a museum or a park or just a cute coffee shop where you can just EXIST and not perform.

I hope these help <3

[columbiafawn3]

I can’t decide on a pfp for this blog. Idk I feel like I wanna take it in a new creative direction where it’s less overthinking and more helpful analysis of my current situation.

I feel like I’m so sleep deprived cos I haven’t really slept well in like 4 days straight, or maybe even a whole week, so my brain is a bit fried. And here I am making a new tumblr persona.

I just felt like it was time to leave CF2 alone. She’s seen a lot in these past six months, and I feel like I’m coming into a new era of myself at the moment, and I want my blogs to reflect that.

Im feeling quite disillusioned at my job atm, but idk if that’s just cos it’s Christmas and I’ve worked there like 4 days in a row now and I’m just over it. Idk I just feel like I don’t belong there, that I’m a square peg in a round hole and I’ve tried to fit, and the company has tried to accommodate me, but I just don’t feel like I reallly fit.

I think it’s also got a lot to do with moving away from being « one of the girls », an almost overcompensatory response. I just don’t feel I can meet the customer service requirements needed by the company when I feel like the customers are doubting my place there, and I feel like I have to prove myself as knowledgeable and extra valuable to justify invading « women’s spaces ».

Like idk I think it’s mostly about confronting society’s prejudices and putting myself up to front whatever the world wants to throw at me by announcing my difference and working as the only guy in a female dominated industry.

Idk like I am really reluctant to leave the company or to move to the George st store, because I feel like I really could make it work if I just changed my attitude, but how realistic is it that I will change my attitude any time soon?

I just feel like the people who work there see me as a freak and don’t quite know how to treat me. I also feel this subtle vibe from some of them of « girls’ girl » where they want to sequester themselves away with other girls and I’m a threat to that. I’m probably getting really in my head about this.

I also feel like I’m expected to people please my way through every interaction and it’s my fault if it doesn’t fo to plan. Idk I guess I should remember what that card said: not to be so hard on myself. It’s just hard when I feel I have to prove myself worthy of a spot and any moment I could be « exposed ».

Idk I’m struggling to articulate exactly what I feel. I think mainly it’s a feeling of subtle exclusion because I’m too difficult to fit into the pre existing categories, and that I feel I have to be aware constantly that customers might not be comfortable with my presence there, and that I need to watch myself because I already don’t belong so I shouldn’t put a target on my back.

I should probably just sleep now.

I’ll try to think of a good pfp for this blog cos the current one is not fitting the vibe. I want the vibe to be purple: dark but still optimistic, with depth and reflection

[thefrathousesystem]

*Slides in on my knees*

Hi I don't know my name and welcome to Jackass- Anyways

The Date. So after Ghost asked out Soap, the following days until Friday was spent with the two of them hanging out more and talking even more. The kiss still had Ghost feel like a kid, so when it was Friday afternoon, he asked Price for some help on his appearance. Luckily Gaz stepped in and saved Ghost from wearing something very bad that Price put together, styling him with what he usually wears but it looked better. Ghost is now ready for the date! Maybe. Before the two had left school, Ghost told Soap to meet him at the park so after he was dressed and ready, Ghost felt the sinking feeling of nervousness and anxiety in his stomach. He tried to stop overthinking but he kept worrying over what Soap might think or if he's gonna show up or not, until he heard Soap call his name from behind. Turning instantly, Ghost felt his heart jump as he looked at an equally beautiful dressed-up Soap who was blushing like a madman. They both stood there for a few seconds, allowing each other to take in the sight of each other before Ghost cleared his throat and offered his hand. " I uh... got enough money from my dad to take us out for um... food. H-Have anything you want in mind? " Ghost stammered his words, trying to be somewhat chill but your honor, this boy is gay and very in love. Soap giggled as he took Ghost's hand, feeling goosebumps along his neck and arms. " I... uh, I-I could go for anything. M-Mostly cheeseburgers. " Cheeseburgers! Ghost can do that, he thought. With hand in hand the pair went off to a burger joint that Ghost loves a lot, knowing the cheeseburgers are good and decently priced. As soon as they get there, the cashier recognizes Ghost (mostly as the kid who comes after school for a burger, a milkshake and fries) but before they could say anything, they notice the pair holding hands. Ghost looks at the cashier with a look that says 'holy fucking shit I did it, I'm doing it-' and the cashier looks back with 'Don't worry I got you' so as the two sit at a booth and order, the cashier throws in an extra order of dessert. Now mind you, the burger joint is a diner that still prices their food for cheap prices like in the 50s so Soap is looking all over the decorations and being interested in the old jukebox over yonder near the stool chairs all the while as Ghost kept admiring Soap. " Do you come here often? The cashier seems to know you. " Soap asks, snapping Ghost back to reality who clears his throat, " Um yeah, I get to come h-here after school sometimes... okay not sometimes, often. Their burgers are good here. " Soap giggles a bit, making a mental note to come here more often. Once their food got to their table and they saw the extra dessert, Ghost looked over to the cashier who winked with a grin before taking another customer's order. He did become friends with them and tell them all about Soap so he shouldn't be as surprised but hey, things change. While they ate, Ghost mentioned how dipping a fry in the milkshake tasted better so once Soap did so, Ghost relished in the excited look on his face. God he loved him. Wait. Love. Ghost is in love. Realizing this, he turns beet red and finishes his food before Soap asks him what's wrong. " N-Nothing, just... " Uh oh, he's going to do A Stupid Thing. " I keep r-realizing how much I love you and i-it's been driving me nuts. " Now it's Soap's turn to blush beet red, coughing nervously as he also does A Stupid Thing. " W-Well, me t-too. I-I m-might've told my mum a-about you and b-bore my siblings to death a-about ye anytime I had t-to let it out there, y'know? " " Holy fuck I did that to Gaz and my dad this whole time, I- " Ghost is so flustered he can barely speak, but before he could, Soap got out of his seat and listened to his heart rather than his brain as he sat next to Ghost and pulled him into a kiss. Not like the small kiss on the cheek, I mean the kiss on the lips that sent Simon spiraling out of his mind and turned him into a stammering mess. Johnny was worse, he looked like he died inside and hid his face in his jacket.

@cod-dump I bringeth you my personal batch of teen Ghost and Soap stuff cause your AU is fucking golden Valentine's Day

So the love for Soap that has been brewing in Ghost for a good while is nearly at it's fullest, and dare I say it, he's actually planning on asking him to be his valentine. One issue though, Ghost is as anxious as can be. He has spent night and day fantasizing over Soap ever since they met, trying to fight his own feelings but ultimately accepting them as they are. So one day after school, Ghost decides to talk to his dad. And I shit you not, Price wasn't prepared for this just like Ghost when he asked the question " Dad, what- I- fucking hell- Okay I have a crush on Soap and I'm sure you know this but how do I ask him to be my valentine? " Now mind you, Price always thought he would never see the day where Ghost comes to him for relationship advice so he nearly spits out his coffee when he's asked that but he composes himself and leans back in his chair. " Well... when it came to my first crush, I had asked him what kind of flower he liked and on Valentine's day, I asked him to be my valentine with his favorite flower in my hand. " Ghost giggled a bit. " Was it Nik? " He stopped giggling when Price looked at him with a 'really?' look on his face. Anyways, Ghost said thanks for the advice and decided to do just that so the next day at school, just near the lockers, Ghost mustered up the courage to talk to Soap. " Hey Soap, I got a question. " " Hi Ghost, what's up? " Ghost felt a lump in his throat as he tried speaking. " Hypothetically, uh... if someone was to be interested in you and asked you what flower you l-like, what- uh- what would you tell them? H-Hypothetically! " Ghost really tried to not act like a total dweeb about it but when Soap laughed, his heart fluttered and he could feel the blush crawl up onto his cheeks. After the laughter that sent Ghost's heart soaring, Soap finally answered. " I like orchids, Simon. " That really did it for Ghost, being called Simon made him weak in the knees and his heart melted. Before he got lost staring into Soap's pretty eyes, he snapped back to reality. " Orchids, got it. Um. S-See you then. " The whole day he couldn't focus on anything, sneaking his phone and looking up places that sell orchids in class. His usual attitude in school was mostly just him being by himself and occasionally picking on Gaz but today he had his head in the clouds. Even Gaz noticed when he approached Ghost during lunch, he was so absentminded that Gaz had to be a little shit and kept asking random questions all of which Ghost mindlessly said 'mhm' or 'yep' as he looked at Soap from across the cafeteria.

As soon as they get home, Gaz immediately yells " DAAAAAD, GHOST IS BROKEEEEN!! " which alarms Price a bit as he approaches the two. " In what way? " Gaz points at Ghost who's in a lovestruck daze. He waves his hand in front of Ghost's eyes who looks at him and giggles a bit before saying " Soap likes orchids. " " Uh oh. " " What? " Gaz tilts his head. " Ghost is in love, not a single thought is behind those eyes. " The next few days, Ghost had been doodling in his private journal and learned how to draw an orchid so once he had enough money to buy stuff, he didn't go to the store he usually went to for snacks or drinks, he made a different turn and headed to this nice flower shop he has visited before. It's his secret favorite place. After talking with the shop clerk and buying a bouquet of orchids, Ghost was really excited and his plan was set in motion. Honestly, Gaz couldn't ruin the excitement for Ghost so he just listened to Ghost's rambles of Soap and for once, didn't tease him. On Valentine's Day, the day that Ghost's been excited for, he decided to wear something decent and had kept the bouquet fresh and watered. As he entered school, looking at the decorations that's been hung up during the weekend, he felt a pat on his shoulder from Gaz which meant 'best of luck bro'. He could feel his heart pounding as he searched for Soap, finding him near the lockers yet again with a gift box in his hand. Holding the bouquet close to him and clearing his throat, Ghost went for it. " Um... Johnny? " Soap turned around quickly, he never thought how good his name sounded when Ghost said his name. " Oh hi Simon, um... happy valentine's day. " " Y-You too, uh... listen, I... got you these. " He awkwardly hands Soap the bouquet, enjoying the sight of his eyes widening and his smile getting bigger as he accepts the bouquet. Before he forgot though, Simon fidgeted with his mask as he spoke. " Johnny, would... would you like to go out with m-me? On a date? " Johnny blushed deeply as he stammered his words, " Y-Yeah! S-Sure, uh... I thought you'd n-never ask. " Your honor, these boys are too cute for their own good. Before class started though, Johnny handed Simon the gift box which had a charm of a ghost attached to a chain and also; a small kiss on the cheek. Simon blue-screened after that, blushing even more redder than a tomato. (more to be added, damn you word limit)

[mortuarybunny]

Today was ruff