#home of renn

[home-of-renn]

AU where Danny never tells Sam and Tucker about the portal accident but they eventually put together the pieces after Danny starts acting hella weird. Especially around his parents.

They eventually figure it out but can't seem to decide whether their friend is actually dead or if there's something else going on. They inadvertently become ghost experts while playing detective, while also simultaneously trying their best to help Danny from the shadows without him finding out that they found out.

Bonus points if they have to fend off Jazz with a stick cause she knows something's up and she knows that Sam and Tucker know but Sam and Tucker keep covering their tracks and doing their best to throw her off the scent.

Bonus, bonus points if Jazz knows that there's something very messed up going on and desperately wants to know what happened to her brother but Sam and Tucker think she's on her parent's side and are convinced that she'll just report back to them if she ever finds out.

Bonus, bonus, bonus points! if Jazz just has this deep, gut-wrenching feeling that she can't tell her parents about her suspicions and that there's something increasingly disturbing about both her parents and Danny's behaviour as well as how the three of them interact after the portal got turned on. She does her best to keep her parent's attention off of Danny, which kinda helps but also inadvertently gets in the way of Sam and Tucker's helping.

Bonus, bonus, bonus, bonus points!!!!! if Maddie and Jack have acquired some very mild ecto contamination from being in such close proximity with the portal on a daily basis and their continued exposure is making them slowly exhibit Obsession-like behaviours about their work and research, which consequentially results in their attitudes/behaviours becoming increasingly more disturbing and concerning from an outside perspective.

[upthespiralstaircase]

film by La fille renne Via Flickr: //Minolta X-700 //50mm f/2 //Kodak ColorPlus 200 Website / Facebook / Instagram / Tumblr

[s4pphoiduser]

in a world with an aftg show (because it Has to be a show, not a movie) seth would have a Pretty Guy actor playing him who looked even prettier when he was sneering or scowling and people would make edits of him with the velocity + slo-mo effects and be like "i can fix him"

[static-radio-ao3]

hi mil!! for ask game, could i get 1 & 3 for all the wanting in the world and 13 for talking on the ride home?

hi renn!! of course!!

1. What inspired you to write the fic this way?

i decided on the end quite early on bc i knew i wanted it to be a little ambiguous (i distinctly remember being at a museum w a friend and frantically jotting down notes as we walked around) and for me, knowing they had a second chance kinda made it easier to make the story a bit more tragic

3. What's your favorite line of narration?

These people do not need to know about the love he has painstakingly carved from stone.

13. What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn't listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

i listened to i miss you + i haven't left yet by del water gap a lot bc i was writing my thesis at the same time and that album really helped me focus for some reason! that being said. pleaspleaseplease listen to doll house by del water gap!! that's where i got the title and i think the fic (somewhat unintentionally) matches the song sooooo well!! also i have tormented AT LEAST three people by telling them to listen to this song while thinking of the fic <33 works every time i fear!! (sorry to mar, si, and reg, specifically)

thank you so much for asking!!

>> fic questions

[transparentgentlemenmarker]

Alors

[longeyelashedtragedy]

first rennes goal of the season :'))))

OMG SECOND GOAL AS I TYPE

[mo-ok]

hello would you like to know something super important???

this guy ^ from episode 15 of changeman has a decidedly goggle v -esq patch on his left sleeve. initially i assumed it was the same patch as the one on the comboy uniform

i was incorrect (fake fan). HOWEVER. you see our girl Sayuri in the back??

ITS HER PATCH

stupid lil goggle v + changeman connection acquired you are welcome 😌😌😌

[home-of-renn]

Fenton’s right there—in the corner of the hallway, crowded between a row of dented lockers and his two ever-present shadows—the same as every other morning. 

He’s still here—alive. 

Dash swipes Fenton’s arm into a vice grip—he’s real; flesh and bone and blood that rushes to the surface of his skin, blossoming into patchy, mottled bruises. The sight of it has his hackles lowering—the white, crescent bite of blunt fingernails. His shoulders sag with each relief-filled breath. His grip loses strength and nearly falls to his side at the sight of the marks left behind by every single finger on his trembling right hand. The chill that runs up his spine whenever Fenton gets too close dissipates just a little, just enough for the faint trembling to cease. 

Fenton is here—alive. 

He has nothing to do with the bones buried beneath the twisting tree that had sprouted from nothing deep within the woods that lined the edges of Amity Park. He has nothing to do with the swaying branches that grow flowers the colour of Danny’s clear blue eyes, nor the roots that glow a sinister green as they coil their way around the carefully buried remains of a boy who had once been their age, laid to rest with a model rocket wound beneath one arm and a hazmat suit—charred and faded—tucked beneath the skull. 

The flowers had held no scent and the swaying branches had made no sound, but its silvery leaves had offered shelter from the rain. Its gnarled trunk blocked the biting wind and its roots coiled protectively around the remains from which it had sprouted. The ground around it flourished, with moss carpeting the base of its trunk, growing healthy and vibrant, with mushrooms that grew in bioluminescent clumps that chased the shadows with a haunting glow. 

It was a foreboding oasis not meant to be disturbed—a place that he and Kwan hadn’t meant to stumble upon.  

But none of that mattered now. Not when Dash now knew for certain that Danny still cowered in the corners of Casper High’s crowded corridors. Now that he knew that the half-smudged writing childishly scrawled onto the base of the model rocket couldn't have possibly spelt out the name of the boy he'd known since his first day of school.

Not with the irrefutable proof seared onto Fenton's pale, freezing flesh.

[upthespiralstaircase]

film by La fille renne Via Flickr: //Canonet 28 //Kodak ColorPlus 200 Website / Facebook / Instagram / Tumblr

[midnightwind]

ngl I'm like 5 second away from giving Renn a love interest from House de Riva that she just mercilessly killed for Viago's rise to Talonhood just to really nail home how ride or die she is for her fucked up big brother

[archastudio]

On vient jusqu'au pas de votre porte...

[axetivev]

— Summary: You and Renn are the truest definition of rivalry to lovers. At least, that was your co-workers kept telling you two, after a heated argument. One of Renn's buddies told you to have sex just to tease you two, which ended up with something...

— Warnings/Tags: Mirror Sex, Slight Cockwarming, Degrading(?), Renn is a virgin, Porn with Plot, Rivalry to Lovers(?).

— Words: 2.4k

— A/N: first oc fic + it's long ass fck.... I was actually planning to write something jjk first. but oh how fun of fate to just suddenly make me busy for a lil while. More of my ocs are coming. I hope you enjoyed this fic !!

— Pairing: Oc!Kaede Renn x Male Reader

“You—[L. Name] I’ve already told you. We. Cannot. Take. This. Case.”

“Why then!? Can’t you at least explain why, Kaede!?”

The sound of screams echoed through the firm. As your and Renn’s lighting the room from the once quiet now loud.

Being a lawyer wasn’t really your dream, but your parents forced you to. Working your butt off by so many papers while they talked about how much success their son will gave them when they barely paid attention to you, but who cares? You’ll just cut them off the moment you graduate. And you did. And after years looking for a job, you found yourself working on the top law firm on the city.

Everyone in the firm were better then home. They were supportive of one another, until you finally crossed paths with the man who neither everyone loves him or hates him. Kaede Renn.

Everything was normal when you first met him. But not even a month in, you two found yourselves arguing rather to take a case. Specifically, a case about murder, the client, a girl in her 20s was accused of murdering her brother, when the first time you met her, Renn was there. Even after looking how “innocent” she seemed to be. Renn immediately rejected her, as she left feeling down. There was it. How the tree of argument started, from many and many others coming.

Back to your current position, you and Renn were separated by one of Renn’s buddies, Yoshida Kanade. She stepped between both of you with her hands on your and his chest. Making you both froze, the female looked to both males with a sigh, followed by a disappointed look on her face. “Y’know, [L. Name], if you and Kaede wanted to be loud. I suggest, not here.”

You paused, Renn raised an eyebrow, before he asked, crossing his arms. “And what’s your suggestion?”

“Renn’s bedroom.” Kanade cleared her throat, skipping away like nothing ever happened. Like she never said something. Leaving you and Renn just started at each other, your face red from how bold her choice of words, Renn? He covered his face with his right hand.

“…I’m in for that idea.” Renn’s voice was barely a whisper. You snapped your head at him, jawdropped. “You piece of—” “Language.” With that, Renn immediately grasped for your wrist. Bolting out of the firm like it was the last day on earth.

“What’s wrong with Kaede? Doesn’t he had more work to do—”

“Yeah, in his bed with [L. Name].” Kanade chuckled to herself.

You swore to yourself you’ll kill Kanade after this.

You just casually looked down on the car with your fingers fidgeting. Who’s car? Obviously, Renn’s. His eyes were on the road, not even taking a glance at you making you even more nervous. Fuck, is he going fuck you? By the looks in his black eyes, there’s a chance, it’s a yes. But the term “fuck you” can go by him actually fucking you, making you dumb or him, actually destroying you both physically and mentally. What if he choose—

A hand went to your thigh—immediately making you snapped to reality and gasped as you look straight ahead, seeing that the traffic lights was red light. Renn just continue his silence staring ahead, his left arm resting on the edge of the window. His cheek resting on his knuckles, seemingly unbothered by the fact his hand in your thighs. You found it annoying but made no absolute effort to pray his hand away—you just follow his gaze, looking forward.

“Something in your mind?” Is all he said before the lights go green, he released his grip on your thighs as he continued to drive like nothing happened. You mutely nodded which Renn answered with a grunt. Not wanting to continue the conversation.

“What the fuck—” “I must repeat myself; Language. [L. Name].”

When you made it to the Kaede’s resident. You just stared up to this place he called “home”, this is not a home! But a fucking mansion. Even in the entrance, there a gate in black and even a whole ass garden with a fountain in the center. Renn was just acting casual but this isn’t what you used to. Your childhood home was average to say the least, it’s still livable. Even with some parts broken and your parents making no effort to fix them.

What if he used money and bribe—

“Don’t think too much.” Renn’s voice was calm with a hint of harshness within making your froze. His answer was like he just read your mind which was somewhat scary. Once you two were in front of the actual doors of the house, Renn pulled out his coat and placing in his left arm before using his right hand to opened the door.

…Bigger like expected. You just stared at everything.

The chandelier, which light up the room, the furniture from expensive brands around the place, the two separated stairs in the middle with a damn campfire, pictures of Renn, and four other people, everything about this place just makes your bank account feel insecure.

“I’m home…” With a blink of an eye, a girl, perhaps still 17-18 came from the left side of the stairs, her eyes were similar to Renn, but instead of a navy hair like him, her hair was close to midnight.

“Hiroto is somewhere with Yukii…” The girl looked down before groaning, you honestly felt bad. Wait, who’s Hiroto? And Yukii?

“That kid never listen—” Renn pinched the bridge of his nose, he turned back to face you. Using his palm to show the girl. “That, is Kaede Sukii. She’s the third child of the family.”

He wasn’t like this in the firm… He looked rather calm. Not saying that he wasn’t came in work, but he doesn’t carry that professionalism. That professionalism that lead you to this. You still questioned yourself if he’s gonna fuck you to he is gonna actually fucking you.

Sukii just waved her hand at you with a polite smile. You waved back before she goes back from her room, Renn groaned after she left. Rubbing his temples. “She’s my sister, unfortunately.”

“…Why unfortunately?” Your eyes slightly widened, Renn had siblings?

“Her and Hiroto are my siblings. Since my parents death, I was the one responsible for both.” Renn said calmly, grabbing your wrist before he dragged you without glancing back. “Let’s make it quick before Hiroto knew what will I be going.”

Never in your life you’d be with Renn, even though in the past, you two had little beefs that didn’t let to arguments. You still hated the fact that someone like him, making you sat on his lap, your legs spread as his two of his fingers inside of your rim.

His fingers was long, pushing his digits deep inside of you, brushing over your prostate. His words from earlier replayed in your mind, besides your mind being foggy out of his fingers, you recall Renn saying he was a virgin.

But what virgin fingers someone until they moaned and made their brain almost melt!? It’s not like you didn’t trust him. But his fingers was too good to be called virgin, his fingers stretched your hole, your cock slowly getting close to its orgasm as Renn’s middle finger kept pressing your prostate.

It's more humiliating for the fact you’re already naked while he still wears his white shirt. Your body trembled when the tip of his fingers almost out from your rim making you whimper from the lost. But you tried to breathe, his fingers were rough, when you tried to take a breath—he slammed his fingers back, your back arched as your cock reached its peak, cumming to your stomach, your hand grabbed Renn’s biceps letting out a moan, Renn’s fingers fucking your hole until your dick stopped cumming.

“You… you’re such a slut. [Name].” Renn rested his chin over your shoulder, you slightly jumped by him calling you with your actual name, not your last. But not just that, but the fact he called you a slut.

You felt Renn pulled his fingers out, making you whimper at the lost, his index finger, which had some of your cum, he circled his index round your rim. A gasped escaped your lips, you looked up to look a Renn, you swore you saw a smirk playing on his lips. He then left you rest in his bed for a moment as he gets up, your eyes were still dazed. But at least, you can take a look over the celling of his bed, which in white. You heard a noise which make you slightly snapped, you tried to sat up, only for Renn to pin you down. His black eyes staring at you. He blurted out; “Let’s fuck.”

Your eyes slightly widened by how blunt his words were. You never heard him cursed. Well, technically when he called you a slut but you didn’t count it, he didn’t let you answer. Immediately making you sat on his lap, raising your thighs, were his left arm immediately wrapping around you. You closed your eyes for a moment from whatever he was doing, but it seems he doesn’t want that. Immediately, he plunged his cock inside of you, making you scream his name and resulting you to open your eyes. Where it was, a mirror.

Right in front of your face. Everything about you was captured your very figure, even showing clear as day; Renn’s cock inside of your asshole. But he was kind enough to let you get comfortable, he immediately slammed his hips against yours, he lets out a grunt while you let out a whimper. How big even is he!? You can’t tell, but it felt humiliating that the mirror was in front of you. You felt your ego melting away as he rammed your hole like no tomorrow.

You felt Renn’s hand slowly grasped your chin, hesitantly, he leaned forward—pulling you to a heated kiss. Renn’s tongue was dancing against yours as your moans were swallowed by him. Perhaps, he did so because you were too loud for his liking. This aroused you so much, you never felt this horny for a man, especially Renn. For a virgin, he’s a good kisser. Really.

His hips paused for a moment as you two continue your silly little kiss. You wanted to breath but Renn doesn’t let you. When you tried to pulled the kiss, he just slammed his lips against yours. His cock was still inside of you, you were warming up his cock, bonus points, his cock was also hitting your prostate. That’s fucking hot. And you hated it.

“R–Renn—” You whimpered between his lips, he slowly parted your lips with his, Renn quietly studied your face, before ramming his cock back, even rougher as you gasped. Your second climax was right around the corner.

Renn saw the way your cock twitched. A smile formed between his lips. “Ah, about to cum already? I haven’t even come close yet. You’re just like a bitch in heat.”

“Renn you asshole!” You groaned, his words were so vulgar. Out of control. Unlike his usual self on the firm, but you don’t hate it, you literally made no effort to fight back.

But your orgasm came on quick. You threw your head back, resting on Renn’s shoulder as a loud moan escaped your lips, followed by small whimpered and you calling his name repeatally like a prayer. Cum, specifically yours stained the white sheets. Renn’s sheets—but the man himself just kept thrusting until he followed his own climax. You felt warmth inside of you, you honestly wanted to complain because he didn’t wore a condom. But you just don’t had the energy to do so.

Renn’s cock was still inside, you wanted to sleep. Your eyes met with Renn, it was clear he isn’t tired yet, but he seemed to be slightly concerned by your appearance. Before you got here. You looked tidy, handsome. Just perfect—but now, you were a mess.

“[Name]…” He tested your name on his lips, he slowly tried to pulled his dick, his eyes slowly widened when you pushed him down. A gasped came from your lips, feeling his cock was right on your prostate. “Hey, seriously. If you’re tired we can—”

You shook your head. “One… one more.” Fuck, you were cock drunk. Renn, at first seems unsure, his hand made contact to your waist. Embarrassed, he slowly nodded. “Fine…”

That one more time? Yeah, ended up with a total of four rounds. You slowly woke up from a random dream that Renn confessed to you that he loved you in the firm with everyone watching. You felt all the parts of your body was sore. But at least, you wore something. Perhaps it was Renn’s clothes. When you tried to get up, only to feel Renn’s arms wrapping around your waist. Making you groan, you turned around, trying to pray him off with your hand.

“Renn…” You whispered. He grunts.

You sighed, you then slowly raised your voice. “Renn.”

He shook his head.

“RENN!”

“Tch, fine…” The man, that asshole. Finally let’s you go, turning to the other side of the bed. Renn grunts as he falls back to sleep, you stood up, nearly falling in the process.

Shit, how are you gonna work now? Your face was flushed from embarrassment. Your legs just trembled, refusing to walk when you heard a moan—you snapped your head to the door. You rushed (suddenly making you able to walk) to see what’s going on, you bursted into the room next to Renn’s. You found…

Fuck.

You found a male, fucking maybe—a trans man. Maybe you were dreaming. The first male was similar to Renn, you suspected it was Hiroto. And the man who was below him. You don’t really know who, he just had black hair and his left eye was covered. A smirked played on Hiroto’s lips. “Oh? You must’ve be Renn’s fuck buddy, yeah?”

Before you could say something—literally even to breath, you felt a hand on your shoulder. Renn, already wearing something, he dragged you back to his room. Leaving a glance at his brother. “Keep your boyfriend’s voice down…”

“Ohhh, Yukii’s? Alrighty, boss!” Hiroto giggled, you looked at Yukii who covered his face out of embarrassment.

What an odd morning to start your day…!

[priyajoyy]

Meangirl!clarisse la rue - concept [part 1]

Part 2 [here]

Mean girl!heavily inspired by renne rapps Regina George!Clarisse la rue x fem!shy!kinda a doormat!Reader

Concept for a mean girls Regina George style Clarisse and nerdy doormat reader because I'm to scared to write my first imagine rn lol

May do an actual imagine for this if it’s wanted

Warnings:

reader is kinda Aphrodite coded because I’m bias to my own cabin, but nothing is actually mentioned because it’s a school au, this is also based off of American schools but I’m British so there’s a mention of prefects because I don’t know the American equivalent 😭, poor writing (this is my first tumblr concept please be nice to me), mean!clarisse, bullying, a lot of jealous!clarisse

Meangirl!Clarisse who runs the school with an iron fist and looks so good while doing it and newgirl!reader who has no idea what she's walking into when she transfers school.

Meangirl!Clarisse with silena as her bestie and Chris as her ex.

Meangirl!Clarisse who’s captain of the football team and newgirl!reader who successfully tries out for the cheerleading team so Meangirl!Clarisse gets to watch her jump around in a tiny skirt all practice.

Meangirl!clarisse, silena and Chris all having lockers next to each other (she threatened the prefect in charge of locker assignments and had them put the three together while her and Chris were dating) and opposite newgirl!readers locker.

Silena as cheer captain who watches Meangirl!Clarisse stare at newgirl!reader everyday and who tries to get her and newgirl!reader together behind her back.

Newgirl!reader who watches Meangirl!clarisse at her locker every morning because she has a crush on her, and is way too scared of her to ever instigate anything with her.

Meangirl!Clarisse who sees this and thinks newgirl!reader has a crush on Chris so flirts with him by his locker just to piss newgirl!reader off because she’s lowkey jealous (even if she doesn’t realise) and they’re both just like, wtf? And silena who is so disappointed.

Meangirl!clarrise who eventually makes out with Chris at a party (that silena practically forced newgirl!reader to go to, she only went because she scares her too) right in front of her, and newgirl!reader is still like, why tf do you keep doing this shit like I don’t wanna see that??

Meangirl!clarisse who watches luke flirt and ask newgirl!reader out and not realising she’s too scared to say no so goes on a date with him.

Luke who changes his mind the next day, sporting an unusual bruise under his eye, while Meangirl!Clarisse walks around with a not so unusual bruised knuckle and bruise on her cheek.

Newgirl!reader who can’t drive yet so waits for her mum to pick her up after cheer everyday,

And Meangirl!Clarisse who makes excuses to stay later so that she can watch Newgirl!reader shiver in the Carpark and make a flirty comment to her as she walks past on the way to her car, with no one around to see.

Newgirl!reader who just stares, blushes and occasionally says a small thank you in response to her comments.

Silena who needs a lift home one night and makes Meangirl!clarisse to give Newgirl!reader her jacket, forcing Newgirl!reader to interact with Meangirl!Clarisse the next morning to give it back.

Meangirl!Clarisse who was late to school the next day because silena delayed them, not being able to see Newgirl!reader till practice,

And Meangirl!Clarisse who would never say it out loud, but who was thanking silena the entire time as she smirked down at Newgirl!reader stumbling over her words explaining why she had to wait to give her the jacket because she couldn’t find her all day,

And Newgirl!reader who was shellshocked and blushing while her crush told her not to worry about it, and to keep the jacket again tonight because it’s cold again.

Lowkey love this but still scared to write an actual imagine lol

Part 2 is out [here]

[unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin]

Please make this into a fic au idea. A world where couples take on a third partner that is basically a stay at home spouse as a show of their wealth or success. This would either be with Becky and Seth or Brandi and Cody and it could easily be a Yandere sort of thing

Take Care Of You

Summary: In a desperate attempt to pay off your crushing debt you sign up for a new program that matches you with wealthy couples looking for a third.

An: this idea has been in my head since wrestlemania this year, and I’m planing on it being a multi chapter fic. People said they wanted this with Cody and Brandi, but I’d be willing to do versions with other wrestling couples(Seth and Becky, miz and maryse, Mox and Renne, Brit and Adam, etc)

Warnings: Yandere, Yandere!Cody and Brandi, sort of sexism but only to reader, they treat readers like she’s meant to be a homemaker but don’t think women in general should be, classism, controlling behavior, money abuse, they’re daughter Liberty is a baby in this, fem!reader, power imbalance

Taglist: @melissahausen @writtingrose @peachmango-kombucha @xkennyxomegax @fiskers7136 @bellalutionn @tummyyellin @thesusbunny

“God damnit…” you mumbled as you pulled yet another bill out of your small mailbox slot. It seemed like every time you checked your mail all you found were these stupid red envelopes telling you you needed to pay for something else.

You made your way up the two flights of stairs to your tiny one bedroom apartment, leaning back against the door to shut it. Your feet hurt from your 12 hour shift at the restaurant, you were sticky from spilling shit on yourself all day, and you desperately wanted to collapse in your bed before you have to be up on 5 hours for a shift at your second job of a local coffee shop, but you needed to shower first.

You walked over to the table, tossing your purse onto the couch and planing on tossing the bills into the already large pile of them, but stopped when you noticed another envelope you hadn’t read down in the lobby. A part of you wanted to ignore it, if it was another bill you could at least act like you didn’t see it, but it looked slightly different than the normal things you got. The envelope was a cream color and had a logo you didn’t recognize on it. The main thing you noticed about it was that your address and name and everything was handwritten.

You set the other stuff down and opened the envelope. Inside was a hand written letter.

Dear, Y/n L/n

Thank you so much for your interest in our program. After careful consideration we are delighted to inform you that you have been accepted! Please call the following number to schedule a consultation to begin the next steps.

Sincerely, Coast Connection Agency

Coast connection agency? You stared at the letter for a moment before it clicked in your head what exactly you were looking at. Months ago, probably 6 months ago, you had gone searching on the internet for any way to earn some extra money and you found this website. It was a new program, only a few years old and was extremely selective, but its purpose was to connect well off couples with a third partner. From what you read it was a bit like a sugar daddy/mommy situation, but the couples were…rich rich. The website said up front that NDA’s would be signed and that the relationship would be, on some level, a business deal.

If you were smart, you would have ignored the website completely. It was one of those ‘to good to be true’ things, or something you sign up for and end up on the news because you went missing, but you had been so desperate. You had just lost one of your jobs, behind on bills, house completely barren of food, and nothing but an overdraft fee in your account, so you took the chance and signed up. There had been application after application, most of it asking you about your financial issues and job history, you even had to take a personality test, and apparently you had done okay because you had made the cut.

At the bottom on the letter was a phone number, and with the letter was a pamphlet of reviews from others who had done it. Most of the reviews were positive, talking about how it helped them get out of debt and completely changed their way of life. One even claimed it helped him find his ‘soul mates’ and that he was so happy with the couple he was matched with. You didn’t necessarily believe in soulmates, and even if you did you highly doubted that they could be found in a relationship like this. But you couldn’t argue with the results, people seemed to be happy with what they got from the agency, maybe this was the step for you to take. You decided to call tomorrow after your shifts and pinned the paper to your fridge before slugging off to shower and finally get some sleep.

***************

“…and we have one final question for you, Ms. L/n,” the woman on the other end of the phone told you. You’d been on the call for three hours now, answering what felt like a hundred questions. When you’d called a week ago they had said you’d need to block out a large chunk of time for the phone interview, but you hadn’t expected it to be this long. You also were slightly surprised by the questions. They were all about your preferences in the relationship if they found you a couple. They asked about spending habits, restaurants you liked, if your drank, clothes you liked, brands you enjoyed, past relationships, what you would do in certain situations, if you’d be open to sex in the relationship, and everything else under the sun. You weren’t sure what you had been expecting but this wasn’t it.

“Okay,” you waited a moment for her to ask her question.

“Would you be willing to relocate for the relationship?”

You didn’t answer immediately, and your eyes drifted outside. You lived in a relatively small town, in one of the only apartment complexes they had. It was about three hours from where you grew up, and you had moved here for an old ex. The only reason you stayed was because it was too expensive to move again, leaving you feeling trapped in this town.

“…yes.”

“Wonderful! I think we have enough information to create a profile for you, and we will match you with a couple as soon as we can. Results will be emailed to you, but we always warn that the couple must approve the match before it’s sent to you and we cannot guarantee that a match will be made, so you understand?”

”yeah. I’m mean, yes, I understand,” you nodded though she couldn’t actually see you.

“Perfect. You have a wonderful rest of your day ma’am.”

“You too,” you said before the phone disconnected.

*************

You couldn’t believe it. You got a match.

After your interview you didn’t hear from anyone for two months, and you started to worry that you made a mistake. Luckily, they hadn’t taken any super personal info so you wouldn’t be completely screwed, but after the interview questions they knew a hell of a lot about you, which is what worried you. But one morning you happened to check your email and found one from the company.

Congratulations! You have been matched with a couple! Attached to the email is a photo and some basic information. If you would like to continue with the process please email back immediately.

You quickly opened the attachment and were met with a photo of what had to be the most picture perfect couple. It was a man and a woman, both dressed formally (it looked like they were at some sort of dinner party.) The man had bleached blond hair and what looked like a tattoo on his neck, though his head was turned in just a way that you couldn’t quite see it. The woman looked like the pinnacle of beauty. Her hair and make up was perfect, and her eyes had a shine on them that made them look like pools of honey.

You weren’t really sure how long you stared at the photo, it was so mesmerizing. They were both very athletic looking, muscles evident on both making you think they must do something in the health industry. It was also evident that they had quite a bit of money. From the clothing to the accessories and the food on the table in front of them, it all screamed luxury. You hadn’t worked at a lot of fancy restaurants but the meal in front of them probably cost more than your paycheck.

Next, you moved onto the written information. There wasn’t a tone, just a few snippets of their life and what they wanted out of the relationship. They were from Atlanta Georgia and want someone willing to come live there. They had a daughter, but no info about her was there. They are looking for someone who would take on house hold responsibilities and have a sexual relationship with both of them. You’d never thought of yourself as a homemaker, and children never felt like something that was on the table for you, but you didn’t hate the idea. And honestly, the idea that these two very attractive people had chosen you was a bit of an ego booster. You were good enough to get their attention.

You read over everything one more time before deciding to go for it. You typed up an email and sent it before you could chicken out. You had said you were interested in moving forward and at least meeting the couple. At the very bottom of the email they sent you was the names of the couple. Brandi and Cody Rhodes.

*****************

Unknown: hello

You frowned down at the message as you walked out of your shift for the night. You’d closed so you hadn’t had a chance to check your phone for a while, the message was sent hours ago.

Um, hello? Who is this?

You were shocked when the person responded almost immediately.

Unknown: sorry, should have introduced myself. It’s Cody, from the website. We got the green light to reach out to you

You stared at the message, shocked for a moment. It was him, the cute guy from the email. He was texting you, right now. You were stood still on the sidewalk when three little dots popped up as he continued to type.

Unknown: this is y/n l/n, right?

oh! Yes, it is. Sorry I didn’t answer sooner, I just finished my shift

You panicked slightly at the fact that you hadn’t responded sooner. What if he thought you weren’t serious about what was happening? If he thought you were rude and didn’t want to talk to you any more? Rich people can be so hard to predict when it comes to what will or won’t offend them.

Unknown: oh, are you heading home? We could talk when you get back home, I don’t want to keep you out longer than you need to be.

You sent a last message saying it’d take not be about 10 minutes before booking it home. You didn’t have a car and your town didn’t really have public transportation, the best was a bus that stopped rides at 5pm, so that meant you were basically running back to your apartment. Once you got there you were quickly getting up to yours and pulling your phone out again to add the number as a contact.

You: Okay. Im Home

Cody: good to know you made it back safely.

Cody: I have my wife Brandi here too. We wanted to get a conversation started since you said you were interested

You’re nervous we’re going crazy as you read over the messages. It’s seemed so weird, you were talking to some rich couple you’d never met before but they wanted to pay for you to live. Not only that, but also have a relationship with you. You almost felt… dirty when you thought about it.

You: it’s nice to meet you both

Cody: we’d like to cut to the chase, we are looking to get into something slightly quickly. We don’t want to rush you at all but we’d like to meet as soon as possible

You hesitated at his message. Should that be a red flag? They want to meet even though this is the first time you’ve ever spoken.

Cody: We’d be willing to pay for you to come out to Atlanta to meet. We’d pay for everything like the flight, hotel, food, even whatever you’d be missing out on from work.

You: I don’t want to seem rude or anything, but this is the first time we’ve ever spoken

When he didn’t respond immediately your heart sank. You shouldn’t have said that, god, why were you so stupid?

Cody: we understand your hesitation, we’ve just have been looking for a while

Cody: would you like to FaceTime? Then you could at least see that we’re who we say we are

You: um, sure. Just a warning, I’m a mess. I just got off shift.

Only seconds later the call for the video chat popped up on your phone. You took a second to take a deep breath and then pushed accept.

The man from the original photo you’d been set popped up on the screen. He was sat back on a couch wearing a sweats and a teeshirt, and next to him was the woman who was dressed similarly. After a second both smiled at you.

“Hi,” Cody greeted.

“Hi…” you gave a nervous wave which you immediately regretted. God, why were you being so awkward?

“You look pretty good for just getting off a shift.” You blushed slightly at his words and watched as his wife smacked him gently.

“Ignore him, he’s a flirt,” Brandi told you. “He doesn’t think about the fact that this may be awkward for you.”

You laughed slightly nervously but gave a little smile. The rest of the conversation got a little less awkward as you got to know each other. Most of the conversation was about you, them asking what you did full time and what you spent your free time doing. They were…nice, and they clearly loved each other in the way that they interacted.

“So, we’d really like to meet you in person.” Brandi finally said. “Like Cody told you we can pay for your whole trip and we can start to get to know each other better.”

“I don’t know, I don’t want to take your money if we don’t even know if it’s gonna work.” You admitted.

“It’s really not that much to pay for a trip, and it would be no strings attached. You could decide to not do anything and we won’t be angry.” Cody assured you. “We just think it would be important for us to talk in person. We travel for work but will be home for the week next week, we’d like to do it then.”

You bit your lip as you thought about the offer. You felt a little guilty about taking money, but a part of you loved the idea of being able to take a week of work and go on a trip without being worried about bills.

“Um… okay.”

Both of them smiled at your answer. “Perfect. We’ll get everything lined up and payed for!” Brandi excitedly said. “Do you have any preferences on what hotel you stay in or what airline you take?”

You shook your head. “It’s your money, it’s up to you.”

“Okay, we can talk about it more tomorrow, I assume you’re tired after your shift.”

You all said goodbye before hanging up and getting ready to go to sleep. As you brushed your teeth you realized that you felt slightly giddy after the conversation. It was like a school girl crush, they were nice and you felt good talking to them.

As you got into bed your phone pinned and you reached over to check it. It showed a notification from PayPal, someone had sent you $200 and you had a message from Cody.

Cody: enjoy a day off sometime

[dflogerzi]

I really, really, really wanted to vent today. I cannot even begin to tell anyone all the things I want to unload about. And I even want to mention names.

I have always run my blog with the 'scroll by' theory. I have always allowed people to be who they are. And I always just shared with my heart. I am not in the best place right now. And it is for so many varying reasons. I do know what set me off in the first place this week.

Here is one thing I will share. @skippyv20 and @bobbydoguk are my friends. We all three put effort into it, and there was even a bit of a time out with one of them. I am so proud of the people that they are. Skippy in fact has had to make shifts in her life that I truly believe she never saw coming. I lost a dear friend who I loved and was in it for life who called them both bullies. And one of them was called out in the most humiliating way publicly. But these issues are not even what I am really upset about. I am really PISSED over those who serve my country and are besmirched, my own service to this country where I actually wore myself out, and how CONGRESS on both sides of the aisle is destroying us. Anyone who believes we are going to last much longer is not looking with true reality checks.

There are things I will not talk about here. And it is because I do not think it would be helpful in any way. I made my plan for my blog here and it has served me well for years now. I am OVER Meghan Markle and her lies and it brought me here. But I also stay because I love and adore England. I always have, even as a really young child. Every step in that country felt like I was home. I am an anglophile to the absolute max. And I never pretended otherwise. I have costumes and real garb galore from Renn Fairs and SCA events to prove it.

I have had a stellar life. I have not even told some of the funniest things. Like... Andrew Lloyd Webber was REALLY annoyed with me personally about twenty-five years ago. And by the way, I never hid my real name from any of you.

I am not a happy bunny today. But I am going to deal with it. I always have.

Yes this was a vent. Not a great one. But hey ho on that.

P.S. Sugars suck. They disclose the lives of those who were involved with truth telling. I never, ever worried about it and I could have taken any of them on. Because my life was always open to be revealed. And I served.

Sorry and going to post this mess. I did not even scratch the surface of how much I am unhappy right now.

Wait. I have a P.S.

Meghan, you are an ASSHOLE fully for labeling one of your so-called children Lilibet. You took the ugliest of digs at a woman who served in honor for almost an entire century. You are a disgusting person, and you are such a bad actress that you cannot even be convincing when holding dolls in your arms. NO MOTHER EVER held a child in the middle of her chest. My disdain for you is only slightly lower than that of your so-called husband. And you know what? I am betting my own good name that he is shacked up with that hunny from Carpinteria. It was always going to be another woman who made a change.

The royal family needs to own up to the lies. All of it.

And no, this is not what is really bugging me. I could write a novel presently.

[havenoffandoms]

Of Mutants and Men (Geraskier, Gen)

Read it on Ao3

In all his years of being a Witcher on the Path, Geralt always tried to stay out of politics. It’s a lesson that’s been ingrained in him since his youngest years at Kaer Morhen. His teachers, Vesemir more vocally than others perhaps, had been absolutely categorical about the role of witchers in the world. If you know what’s good for you, Vesemir would remind him and his classmates incessantly, you will keep your noses out of the business of kings and the assholes who have something to gain from being involved in politics. It only breeds conflict, Master Rennes would add in a subsequent lesson, not least because fanatics only need one person to sway their way to feel validated in their stupidity. It is not a witcher’s job to play mediator to a bunch of spoilt brats whose temper tantrums have disastrous consequences, Master Varin pointedly underlined any time he had a drink in him (or any time the opportunity presented itself, which was far too often in Varin’s case). Geralt’s teachings have been very clear about taking sides in the conflict of men, elves, or dwarves - don’t fucking do it, no matter what. 

Master Rennes and Master Varin will be turning in their graves right about now, and it goes without saying that Vesemir can never know about Geralt’s adventures in Bremervoort. 

Easier said than done when Jaskier is already working on his newest, best selling ballad. 

“A good rhyme for surf?” Jaskier asks, dragging Geralt back to the present moment. 

“Uh… murph?”

“Oh dear,” comes the unenthusiastic response from a slightly offended bard, “well, we won't make a poet of you yet!”

“I am as good a poet as you are a Witcher.”

That, in turn, pulls a disgruntled guffaw from the other man, exactly the reaction Geralt was betting on. He tries not to smile at how easily Jaskier rises to the bait. He has a reputation to uphold, after all, and there are too many witnesses to break character now. 

“I'll have you know, witcher-” Jaskier points an accusatory quill in Geralt’s face, his elegantly shaped eyebrows furrowed in a discontented frown. “That I did not do too badly with a sword while you were busy pirouetting your way into certain death on that kraken! Which is more than I can say about your so-called rhyming abilities! What even is a ‘murph’?”

“Quiet, Jaskier.” Geralt shoots the other man a pointed look, nodding at the frolicking merfolk in the water. “This is a sacred union, show some respect.”

“Pah! Respect!” Unable to resist the call of romance, Jaskier's eyes do end up drifting back to the scene before them. Even though his features soften at the sight, Geralt picks up the moody wouldn't know respect if it slapped you in the face that falls from Jaskier's lips. Leaning down conspiratorially until his lips are a breaths away from Jaskier's ear, Geralt whispers:

“You make it too easy for me, lark.”

“Far from me the thought to dampen your good mood, but must it be at my expense?” Jaskier complains, though Geralt instantly notes the way the bard’s shoulders relax as he leans into Geralt’s space. Too forgiving, so is Jaskier. Geralt just knows that had Zeleste not fallen victim to Melusina’s clutches, Jaskier would've forgiven the man his faults, too. 

“Exasperation has never looked more dashing on anyone else I know. It is a burden you bear very gracefully.”

“Oh, you flatterer!” Jaskier playfully shoves at Geralt’s shoulder, with too little strength to achieve anything other than ruffling the witcher's uncomfortably tight doublet. “Very well, you win. For now.”

As Sh’eenaz and Agloval disappear into the deeps, the shell-shocked guests slowly rise from their seats to head back to the castle. King Usveldt, disgraced and having lost the respect of most of his subjects, has since retreated into the comfort of his home, where he will no doubt drown the sorrows in expensive wine and lavish feasts. Geralt doesn't envy the man, nor does he pity him. Usveldt got exactly what he deserved. 

“Witcher!” a voice, unfamiliar and ethereal, calls him from the edge of the water. Geralt glances over his shoulder and meets the gaze of the siren King Basim. “Witcher, a moment of your time?”

“What else could they possibly need from you now?” Jaskier folds the piece of parchment he's been scribbling on throughout the ceremony and stuffs it back in the inside pocket of his doublet. “Want me to come with you, dear heart?”

“No need.” Geralt meets Jaskier's gaze, his tone softening now that the crowd has somewhat dispersed. “Go back to Roach, tack him up for me?” 

“Only if you're sure,” Jaskier relents, though the worried crease between his eyebrows doesn't go unnoticed by Geralt. “Shout if you need me, yeah? I won't be far.”

“Off you go, witcherling.”

“You are so calling me that in front of your family next time we're in Kaer Morhen,” Jaskier calls out over his shoulder as he saunters away, his lute firmly strapped to his back. Geralt watches the bard leave, a small smile edged on his lips. Only once Jaskier turns a corner and disappears from view does Geralt make his way to the edge of the water. 

“Your Highnesses,” Geralt greets the couple of sirens in his heavily accented Elder, “it was a beautiful ceremony, that of your daughter and her new husband.”

The King and Queen are kind enough not to remark on Geralt’s clumsy syntax. He's not had much opportunity to practice his Elder recently. 

“We thank you for your words, vatt’ghern. And for your help during the battle,” King Basim adds, his eyes holding Geralt’s gaze easily. “We are indebted to you. You have our gratitude and friendship.”

Geralt nods his head in acknowledgement at the siren king's warm words. 

“King Usveldt compensated me for my part in this. I do not expect payment from you, also,” Geralt is quick to reassure them. 

“Perhaps you don't expect payment, but you sure deserve it.” This time, it's Queen Dahut who speaks on behalf of her husband. “We have no coin to offer, but that doesn't mean we will not compensate you for a job well done. Here.”

The Queen extends her arm, her closed fist hovering over the water expectantly. Geralt takes a few steps forward, until the seawater laps gently at his booted shins. He crouches so he's at eye-level with the Queen and reaches for her hand, stopping shy of touching her. A small vial is dropped into Geralt’s open hand. 

“What is this?” the Witcher asks as he studies the purple liquid sloshing inside the ornate vial. 

“You spoke of how beautiful our daughter's wedding was.” Basim stares pointedly at the vial in Geralt’s hand before locking eyes with him again. “And we have noticed your… attachment to that bard of yours.”

Geralt freezes, his eyes narrowing suspiciously as his gaze drops to the vial in his hands again. He curls his fingers around the glass, careful not to shatter it while also pondering how rude it would be to toss the damned thing back into the ocean whence it came. 

“We don't mean to pry into your relationships,” Queen Dahut assures him, hypocritically so though Geralt is not foolish enough to so blatantly spit on their gift. “But if there is one thing this near-war has taught us it's that love can be a very powerful weapon, to be used for evil as much as for good. What we're giving you is a choice.”

“A choice, eh?” Geralt says, unable to mask the bitterness of his tone. 

“The choice to turn into your lover's form,” Basim clarifies, just in case Geralt is too slow to catch on. 

“Afraid this generous gift might be wasted on the likes of me,” Geralt tells them, already handing back the vial to Dahut. “Jaskier is a human, as am I. A mutated human, but human all the same."

“Yes,” Dahut agrees, though there is an edge to her tone Geralt can't quite place, “and how attached are you to your mutations, Geralt of Rivia ? How often have you laid awake wondering what it would be like to be just human and nothing more?”

Too often for comfort, Geralt doesn't say. Every night on his very first year on the Path, when instead of accolades and praise Geralt’s efforts to rid the Continent of monsters was met with contempt and prejudice. The life of knighthood he'd wished for himself was a far cry from his reality as a mutated monster hunter, so far-fetched that Geralt had to kill that part of himself if he hoped to survive his second year on the Path. Turns out fair maidens aren't so quick to give out favours to scarred, cat-eyed men carrying two swords on their backs and usually covered in some kind of monster guts, or stinking to the high heavens of sewage. Geralt couldn't remember what colour his eyes were before the mutations, but there are times when he wouldn't mind finding out. Unconsciously, his fingers tightened over the vial again. 

“Please accept this gift, with our thanks,” Dahut insists, her eyes knowing. “It is your choice what to do with it.”

Before Geralt has a chance to answer, both Basim and Dahut disappear under the surface, never to be seen again. 

*

“Ah, there you are, dear heart!” The relieved smile stretching across Jaskier's handsome face is like a balm for Geralt’s soul. Not that he'll ever admit to that out loud. “Was wondering where you were.”

“The King and Queen insisted on a reward for my services,” Geralt explains off-handedly, hoping Jaskier won't ask any questions about the vial in Geralt’s pocket, the weight of it burdening him like dragging a boulder on a chain. But expecting Jaskier not to ask questions is like expecting water not to be wet, and Geralt really should've known better than to bring up that stupid conversation at all. 

“Oh, another reward! Is it more coin? Unlikely, seeing as the merfolk don't really deal in our money. Did the Queen give you her necklace? Bet that gem’ll go for a pretty fortune!”

Geralt ignores the questioning, hoping Jaskier will talk himself into a circle as he's known to do, then get distracted by something else equally asonyne to blabber about for the next few hours. Jaskier is the type to talk himself into an early grave. 

“So?” the bard prods once Geralt settles himself in his saddle. 

“So what?”

“Your reward from King Basim and Queen Dahut. What was it?”

Fuck. 

“Their friendship and eternal gratitude,” Geralt supplies, too quickly to be natural and not for the first time does he thank his mutations for his inability to blush under Jaskier's scrutiny. “Come on, Roach.”

“Woah, hey, hold up!” Jaskier steps in front of Roach, who doesn't take kindly to this fop of a man barricading his path, and lets him know as much with an irritated snort. “Why are you lying to me?”

“I'm not,” Geralt lies, badly. 

“You're acting all shifty. I can tell, you know!”

“Not one of your best qualities,” Geralt mutters under his breath as he manoeuvres Roach around Jaskier. 

“I heard that,” the man declares before grabbing a hold of Roach’s reins and only narrowly dodging the offended bite from the gelding. “Geralt. Why are you being so secretive about this? I thought there were no secrets between us.”

And whether it's those words or the fact that Jaskier looks genuinely distraught at the thought of Geralt hiding anything from him, what with his big pleading eyes and his stupidly expressive face, Geralt isn't sure. All he knows is that he finds himself unable to keep up the mystery any longer. Heaving a long-suffering sigh, he pulls the vial out of his pocket and tosses it at Jaskier, who almost doesn't catch it before it hits the ground.

“Geralt, what… What is this?”

“My payment. The same potion Sh’eenaz gave Agloval.”

Geralt watches as a series of complicated emotions flashes across Jaskier's face, ranging from surprise to confusion, before finally settling on something carefully neutral that has Geralt’s insides twisting anxiously. 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Oh,” Geralt agrees, at loss for what else to say. Jaskier examines the vial in his hand, his brows furrowed in concentration as he does so. 

“I see. And…” Jaskier pauses, pondering his next words carefully while averting Geralt’s gaze. “Is this something you're considering?”

And that's the big question, isn't it? Geralt doesn't have a fucking clue. Part of him is definitely curious, but another, albeit smaller part of him, resents the idea of having to change who he is, what he is, in order to fit Jaskier's worldview. They've been travelling for over a decade together, not only as travel companions but also as something more, something neither of them has felt the need to define in too many words. This thing between them feels good, better than anything Geralt’s felt before, but it's also fragile and unchartered in a way that throws Geralt off balance. 

“Because if you are,” Jaskier continues when it becomes apparent that Geralt can't find the words to express himself right now, his voice impossibly tender as he meets Geralt’s gaze again, “it is your prerogative, of course. So if you choose to take this, I just need to know that you won't do it for my sake. Or for anyone else's sake other than yours.”

The words take Geralt by surprise, because this is not how he expected to see the conversation going. He realises that he anticipated Jaskier to want him to take this potion, to become more human and less Witcher. Being confronted with the exact opposite scenario is almost more frightening, because now it's up to Geralt to decide what he wants for himself and isn't that a fucking thought? In nearly six decades no one ever really cared what he wanted from his life. It's never been part of the deal. A Witcher doesn't get to choose another path than the one he's been created to walk. Except now, Geralt does have a choice to make and he finds himself unable to think straight.

“For what it's worth,” Jaskier adds, a loving smile now tugging at the corner of his lips as he levels Geralt with a look so full of adoration it makes Geralt feel sick to his stomach. “I like you for who you are, Geralt. Not because you're a Witcher, not because you can do cool pirouettes and slash your way through a monster kraken when you drink one of those potions of yours. I love you because you're funny in a way not many people bother to understand, because you speak to your horse like he's a person, because you won't kill a monster simply because you're hired to do so. You're a principled man who cares deeply even though he doesn't show it. There are so many things I love about you, you being a Witcher doesn't even crack the top twenty. Mutations, no mutations. It's all the same to me. As long as you're happy within yourself, I am happy.”

As Jaskier speaks, Geralt lets out the anxious breath he's been holding since he left King Basim and Queen Dahut. His chest feels lighter and the feelings of nausea ease, giving way to something gentler, something warmer. Geralt manages a lopsided smirk which is met by Jaskier's beaming smile and mischievous wink. 

“Come now, Roach.” Jaskier pats the gelding’s neck affectionately before feeding him a juicy apple, buying his forgiveness with that single gesture. “Let's move on to our next adventure. Cairngorm, here we come!”

As Jaskier leads on, the vial safely tucked in his breast pocket, the world suddenly straightens on its axis.