#how to come back to myself

[woozi]

WOOZI on SEVENTEEN winning Artist Of The Year in MAMA 2024

[inkskinned]

i'm still trying to piece together the truth of it. when you left, you said: feel free to spin this narrative however you want. i have no idea if you were being cruel or if you just genuinely don't remember what you've done to me.

it's hard because i'd done so much of the work for you. i had seen the parts that flaked off, the rust underneath. i started separating you into two people - the one i loved, and the one who hurt me. i had this fantasy version of you - my partner - and then i had this stranger, a third person who would show up randomly to shatter me. i am deliriously glad i'm no longer with "the stranger". i miss the gentle (unreal?) "other" you terribly.

at first, i was so strict about my boundaries. i remember telling you to get the fuck out of my house if you were going to talk to me like that. by the end: i would justify your behavior for you, accepting even your mistreatment as "my fault" in the grand scheme. i look back on the person i was before you - smart, independent, confident - and i feel a strange sense of detachment. i don't even recognize me.

even in one of our last conversations, you said: if you want a partner that always talks warmly to you, find someone else. there was a time that a comment like that would have made me leave. and instead, somehow, i just placidly accepted that kind of thing. you were literally telling me that i wasn't allowed to have a reaction to your cruelty - and i just took it, because you'd so fully turned things around on me.

when people are faced with irrationality, a rational brain tries to make sense of it. this is the trap. they're lovely in the morning, gentle and blue-eyed and sweet. like nothing even happened, they breeze around the house and kiss you on the mouth. but at night; who is that? they snap almost randomly; flying into an impotent rage about just-about-anything. it just doesn't make sense. so the problem must be me, and my brain, and how i think.

the traumatized brain just wants peace. so maybe i'm misremembering. maybe you were just having a bad day. maybe it's actually me.

you eventually would fully turn on me and start implying that i am the bad actor in our relationship. that's what happens, right? that's literally in the playbook. you went to therapy for all of a month, told her a half-truth, co-opted therapyspeak. you figured out how to reframe your actions as "seeking peace." any time i stood my ground, i was "gaslighting." when i asked you to be more gentle, you said i was "tone policing." you said, randomly, i had emotionally manipulated you - i still have no idea what that's even specifically referring to. maybe my consistent requests for calmness and empathy?

and while i literally know better, and i'm sitting here, trained by you, thinking: wait, fuck. was i actually the person you made me out to be?

and the thing that scares me is that i literally do not know if you ever actually saw what you were doing to me. when you'd tell me how you remember arguments, you'd always summarize them in a way where you come off as gentle and easy: "i was trying to set an important boundary." what had actually happened was 15 minutes of you shouting at me i know you did something shady, just admit it already. eventually you'd say my reaction to your shouting (when i finally reacted, which usually happened around hour three) was inevitably "disappointing" and "another way i'm silencing your feelings."

how many times did i ask you - beg you - to just take accountability? looking back, i don't think i ever heard you say: you're right. the way i talked to you was wrong of me.

i am trying to tie together the two people into a full version of you in my head. yes, you made my coffee and made me laugh and spent hours on the phone with me. and yes - you would scream at me until i had to run away and hide behind something.

i wish i did have a narrative i could pull out and shape to my whim. i wish i did have some semblance of reality. instead i just stand here, strange and vibrating, wondering: what the fuck just happened?

[xxplastic-cubexx]

fuck you *puts you in the anti-telepath helmet*

[livecrow]

Imagine you want to try waxing your pussy, but it turns out to be quite the challenge to actually see what the hell you're doing.

Naturally you ask your boyfriend for help.

Simon won't hear any of it, growls that he's fond of your scruff. "Like 'er jus' the way she is." Her being your snatch.

You pout and try to coax him.

No dice.

You don't give up that easily, obviously. Besides, if you have to, you'll just do it yourself even if it ends up a smidge patchy.

So there you are, full winnie the poohing it on the living room couch, trying to contort yourself this way and that, armed with the waxing strips and a hand mirror. Just trying to get the right angle. The whole spectacle right in front of an unamused Simon.

You spread your knees wide, as wide as you can, to prop up your pussy. Mash your tummy and thighs out of the way, spread your lips out, grunting and whining all the way with exertion while you fumble with the wrapper. You're almost ready to just say "fuck it" and go in completely blind—

You should have been more suspicious when Simon gives in, when he marches over and grunts a short "fine". When manhandles you into an even more uncomfortable and exposed position he finds more suitable.

After the first couple of strips your ready to throw up your white flag and forget about the whole thing. When you tell him as much and try to wriggle out from under him—

Simon just laughs meanly.

"You wanted it, now we're gonna see it through, aren't we?"

Simon'd enjoy your squeals and teary eyes. Every jolt of your body trying to escape the pain your subjecting it to.

"Serves you right for tryin' to deface my sweet'eart."

For how much it hurts, you don't have the awareness to realize he'd actually doing it all somewhat carefully. Each strip layed in the right direction, smoothed down with enough pressure, ripped off in one quick motion. Hell, he even rubs the skin to soothe the sting while he peels the next strip.

...Rubs your pussy. Soothing circles into your heated, plump mons and outer lips that you could almost read as apologetic. He wasn't feeling hardly any sympathy for you, though. No, it was for her.

On the next strip your startled when his thumb actually grazes your clit, while the rest of his palm pulls the skin taught.

You wondered if it was just a slip, but alas. Nothing Simon does is ever an accident.

The traitor peeked out from the hood in interest. Every other strip after that has him stroking your pearl mercilessly, like his own worry stone.

The hot ripping pain melds with pleasure, it isn't long at all before your keening and dripping under his ministrations. It was inevitable.

Simon sounded so put out. Sighing, tisking that you're, "Sloppy fuckin' wet. Strip isn't gonna stick now, is it?" as if you're an idiot, trying to be difficult purpose.

As he chastises you, he crams two thick fingers in your hole, like he's trying to stem a bleeding wound. It punches the air out of your lungs. He tells you you're gonna ruin it, that they'll have to start all over if you keep this up.

He's about as done as he's gonna be, considering your drippy cunt. "Look at 'er. Poor thing's cryin', isn't she?" He coos to your crotch.

Simon turns back to you but his tone isn't sweet, he barks at you to stop squirmin', unless you want him to you fuck you while your still oll raw and stingin'. Since that's clearly what you want now.

He's always givin' you want you want, huh? You're spoiled rotten.

[sicheslavchyk]

I want to scream and cry (istg who tf am i lying to, i am already crying)

To every non-ukrainian that reads my tumblr — if Ukraine is going to be given to russia, I will die. For being openly pro-Ukrainian or openly queer — one of those two, definitely. It is, like, a fact. And the possibility of that is way higher then the possibility of me dying right now from a missile or a drone (even though there's an air raid right now, yeah). Fucking crazy, but that's the reality.

Don't want to be spreading defeatism, but the things that happened in the White House today very clearly show that the US is siding with russia.

I believe in our military. They are doing absolutely unbelievable things. They are probably the only reason why I haven't given up on my life yet.

But oh my fucking god, it is so obvious that the US is trying to sell us to russia. Honestly, it is fucking unbelievable. After threatening to sanction the hell out of us in the 90s in order to make us give up our nukes and destroy missiles and military aircrafts, they failed to react when russia broke the Budapest memorandum and attacked us in 2014. They did fucking nothing. And now they are actively betraying Ukraine (sorry, I can't call it otherwise). I hate trump and every person that voted for him. I wish them to spend the next 11 years like ukrainians — actively suffering and with everyone telling them to shut up and die already.

I genuinely don't know what else to say. Support Ukraine, please. If you are not from the US — look up the info about pro-Ukraine rallies in your country. We need the support of other countries. At this point I am literally begging everyone who can read this — push your government to help us. It is crucial right now.

If you are from the US — honestly, i don't know what to tell you. Either hire a hitman who can do their job or riot and overthrow him. Yeah.

Ah, also, yeah, never fucking ever give up your nukes 🙂

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID in ALT] I've made posts before about Talia/Dick co-parenting Damian moments (will never happen but let me dream) and this came to me in a vision. Took me ages to finish for some reason 😭 and then even longer to post

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In the shape of you, something new.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

[clumsypuppy]

someone left me a comment asking abt my pokeask days so....... i drew my old muses ^_^

[tamanegi-san]

Drawing him so he comes back next chapter (he's had over a hundred days to mourn over a hand)

[aulerean]

gem's angler fish? pretty cool.

[random-cockroach]

And coloring based on @thegunnsara 's sketch

[vaguely-concerned]

can u believe that back in the day it really must have been like...

viago: you threw my pet snake out a window in my dream and just so you know I will be holding it against you personally and indefinitely. so first of all, how dare you, secondly --

lucanis Beholding him while he rants: ...I want to kiss him under the pale moonlight

[oneroomjestershow]

when

[tunamayojazz]

mithruns of the week...eat well beautiful

[licorishh]

every single time somebody makes a list of all the times rex went :DDDDDDDDDD in the last four episodes of tcw they always, ALWAYS forget this one every time and it saddens me deeply because look

look. LOOK 😭😭😭😭😭 PUPPIEST PUPPY EYES THAT EVER PUPPIED 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 NOBODY EVER NOTICES THIS ONE WHYYYYYY IT'S LIKE THE BEST ONE

i am sick and thinking about The Character is unfortunately the only remedy. except it's not unfortunate because YAAAYYYY MORE CHARACTER 🥳🥳🥳

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4)