#i cannot properly articulate what this does to me

[diphowell]

So are you saying that the audience gave us a more comfy place to come out?

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

aroace sonic: *says the most flirty shit ever* also aroace sonic seconds later: *does a backflip of the couch and almost lands on his face* literally anyone: wtf.

He’s got the range

(Aroace Sonic compliments pt 4)

[kradogsrats]

One Truth: The Nature of the True Heart

The Dragon Prince has long dealt with contrasts and tensions between idealism and pragmatism, particularly as a source for character conflict. From Harrow, Sarai, and Viren clashing over the Magma Titan to Callum, Ezran, and Rayla deciding whether to pursue killing Aaravos or securing his prison, principles weighed against practicality is a never-ending battle for the characters of this world and story.

Since the story never purports to give us the answers to the moral questions it poses, we as the audience are left to form our own opinions and judgements. One of those that is fairly consistent across a lot of the fandom is that Ezran is naive in his pacifism and reliance on negotiation. My opinion on this has largely always been "yeah, he's naive... but he's literally twelve years old and that's developmentally appropriate, even without the trauma."

We knew Ezran and his growth would be challenged in s7, but what we also got was a codification of that process as a tangible in-setting phenomenon: the true heart.

The true heart is described to Terry, Claudia, and us (the audience) as a way of seeing the world that is innocent and good-natured, without the complexities introduced by adult concerns. All children begin life with this worldview, but it is inevitably challenged over the course of their growth by situations that it cannot necessarily react to without being inherently altered.

It is possible, though rare, to hold on to the true heart past childhood into at least the beginning of adulthood—it is revealed to us that Terry is one who has, against all odds, retained his true heart. This allows him to read the map to the Garden of Innocents, the final resting place of unicorns. However, it's Ezran whose arc through s7 is most related to the true heart, as he confronts new challenges in the world around him as well as changes to himself and those he loves.

But what is a true heart? What does it actually mean to have one?

Simple and Clean: Language Surrounding the True Heart

First of all, I think the way the true heart is intended winds up being difficult to articulate properly because even the most neutral language used to describe it is loaded with baggage. Innocence, purity (though "pure" is a word used only by Kruha, who demonstrably struggles with human language), light and darkness, simplicity, and even childhood are all concepts that carry cultural connotations that skew our perception of what's being discussed.

In the heavily Christian-influenced culture of the West and USAmerica, the concepts of childhood, innocence, and simplicity in combination carry associations that become protectiveness, condescension, or dismissal. While childhood and innocence are valued as things that should be protected in those who have them, that leads adults to dismiss children as essentially lesser beings. Innocence and simplicity together are indistinguishable from naivete, another feature associated with a need for protection, but with a nice slice of contempt on the side. If you weren't so naive, you would have known better than to get hurt.

Finally, from a perspective saturated with Christianity, innocence is also conceptually inextricable from the concept of sin. Like, one of the central myths of Christianity is that the first humans were enticed to defy God and eat the forbidden fruit that granted knowledge of good and evil, which made them aware that their naughty sex parts and female-presenting nipples must be covered, which meant they had to be expelled from paradise into a world of struggle, pain, and death. This transgression was so severe that it tainted every human ever born, until a few thousand years later when God personally came to earth as a self-cannibalizing sacrifice to essentially pay bail on letting their souls into heaven. (This is a very serious and 100% theologically accurate summary, don't @ me.) As a result, we get fucking weird about innocence and its "loss."

The point is that in the setting, it's strongly suggested that there is no inherent "better" or "worse" to whether you have a true heart or not. You aren't morally superior for having one (though the nature of the true heart aligns more with compassion and openness, it doesn't have a monopoly on them), nor are you necessarily wiser or more mature for not. There are roles and circumstances where one might serve better than another—the likelihood of Ezran being able to continue indefinitely as king with a true heart has always been low, but an argument could definitely be made that his true heart was necessary to change the world, and the setting would not be what it now is without it. The true heart—as well as people who retain it into adulthood, like Terry—is a vital part of society, in that it inspires people toward an ideal. Terry calling out Claudia on her cruelty toward Rayla shames her enough to go back and correct it. Ezran giving up the crown in exchange for the safety of any moral dissenters within the Katolis army gives those dissenters space to take a stand—something crucial to their eventual victory.

So here's how I propose thinking about it in a way that's slightly less loaded with unnecessary associations: instead of innocence, the true heart is about faith. Specifically, an unwavering faith that people are inherently good. From that faith, several important conclusions are derived:

People are inherently good, therefore all people want the same or similar things both for themselves and for the world: peace, plenty, and community

People are inherently good, therefore if someone is intentionally doing things that hurt others, they either don't understand the impact of their actions or are lashing out as a result of fear or pain

People are inherently good, therefore treating everyone with dignity, respect, and compassion is the natural state of any society

These form the basis of the worldview and resulting behavior of those with true hearts.

The Tides are True: Depth and Complexity

Despite all of that, Aaravos describes the true heart in a fairly neutral manner to Claudia:

All children have a true heart. But as we grow up, we are forced to make choices, sacrifices, compromises. And they change us forever. Childhood innocence gives way to something... complicated.

and later to Terry:

The true heart is a gift of childhood. For a few wonder-filled years, we each have innocent eyes to experience the world's beauty in a simple way. I have seen generations of humans and elves accept the darkness that lurks in all of us beside the light. There is no black or white, only shades of gray. We must all carry complexity. But please believe me that there is beauty in this burden. Your heart will be a little heavier. But now, there will be no more half-truths.

In both explanations, he refers to what replaces the true heart—what we grow into—as "complicated." We learn to accept that nothing, including ourselves, is purely one way or another, but at some gradient point in-between that will be different from everyone else's. The words he uses—"light" and "darkness," "black or white," "shades of gray"—all carry strong connotations of a scale of morality, and the understanding that nothing can be fully good or fully evil, but is instead inevitably... complicated.

However, I think this is meant to be a little deeper than just that surface-level association to tie in with the overall light/dark and complex morality themes of the show overall. These are things we've heard in another context: of all the primal sources Callum could have focused on or arcana he could have unlocked in arc 2, there's a reason what we got was Ocean.

A better way to refer to the "darkness that lurks in all of us beside the light" is as those depths you can't see—it's not about good and evil, it's about clarity and obscurity. Simplicity and complexity. People, even people you love, aren't all the same. They don't all want the same things for themselves and the world.

There are depths within you that you may not see or understand, but even more so, there are depths in others that you will never see or understand. Even if someone is only lashing out because they're hurting, there are hurts you cannot heal. There are people who will refuse to allow their hurts to heal. There are people (and by people I mean Aaravos) who would rather make the entire world hurt along with them than ever allow themselves to heal. You can't heal these people for them. It's beyond your control, and all you can do is respond appropriately to their actions and mitigate the harm they do.

When you accept that, you will treat those people differently. You may decide to keep trying, but with the knowledge that it will be an uphill battle of strategy, compromise, and progress so slow that few will recognize your work as worthwhile. You may decide not to waste your time and effort on them anymore, and focus your attention on doing a broader range of good more efficiently than struggling to change a single heart or mind. You might decide to make them the enemy, and purposefully antagonize them because you are hurting, too—maybe even because of them.

The point is that there is now "us/me" and "them," and that's what's antithetical to the true heart. You can't fix everything simply by reaching the part of them that's the same as you. You will have to compromise.

A Just King: Ezran's True Heart

Before examining Ezran's true heart arc in s4-s7, I want to point out a much earlier, and perhaps unexpected, appearance of a textbook child's true heart:

Yes, back in s1e2, Callum had a true heart. (By the standards with which I'm describing it, at least.) Where did it go? When did it go? Someone more interested in Callum could probably write a very long essay about that. You could probably make a case that being possessed by Aaravos the first time is the final vestiges sliding away.

This also highlights my personal theory that the true heart of childhood is not usually lost in a single, all-or-nothing event. It's like losing your baby teeth—under normal circumstances, it happens one or two at a time over the course of a few years, until you've Ship of Theseus-ed your whole mouth. (Also, in contrast to things like "losing" your virginity, there's no weird purity or moral connotations to it. It is a completely normal thing that happens to everyone as part of growing up.) However, it's also possible to have some, a majority, or even all of your baby teeth traumatically knocked out of your head at once.

Oh, wait.

Let's roll back a bit, first. Ezran's arc, like... well, everyone's, gets its initial setup in s4. In fact, it kicks off s4: the major event starting the season is Zubeia's visit to Katolis, which is clearly one of Ezran's first big initiatives toward not just peace, but potential unification.

In the lead-up to Zubeia's visit, Ezran's true heart is on full display in his behavior and the assumptions he's making:

Zubeia is a good person, and good people will understand and accept that both she and other dragons should be treated as friends.

Everyone will approach this meeting with open hearts, because everyone wants to grow toward peace and understanding.

Even when the meeting, where he is honoring the Dragon Queen in the final resting place of human kings and queens, no small number of whom (including his own mother) were killed by dragons, is sabotaged by a relatively mild act of vandalism, look at his response:

The person who did this is obviously lashing out because they are hurting—they are angry, and that anger needs to be soothed. He affirms that he and the people are the same, inside. They are all angry and in pain... but, like him, they all want to not be angry and in pain anymore, and understand that the way to do that is to move forward.

This is not to say that he's wrong, or even ineffective—he speaks from his true heart, in a poignant call to both himself and his people to acknowledge the past while looking to the future, and to reach for that future in every way they can instead of clinging to the hate of the past. It's a key scene for all of arc 2, and one that is returned to over and over again, thematically.

However, it's also a point where he demonstrates how his true heart leaves him ill-equipped to approach Rex Igneous's selfishness, or Sol Regem's hatred, or even Karim's petty arrogance... much less the shit Aaravos has going on.

(Speaking of Sol Regem... he not only refuses to be healed, but instead demands to be remade into an engine of indiscriminate death and destruction. He really does out-bitter Aaravos, on occasion.)

Then s7 hits, and two things happen: Katolis is destroyed, and Runaan is returned to the living world. Well, both of those technically happen in s6, but Ezran actually has to deal with them in s7.

For all that Katolis being destroyed sets Ezran on a path toward the complex politics and morality of nuclear deterrence, it's really the situation with Runaan that both tests and exemplifies Ezran's true heart. Aaravos's initial explanation of the true heart ("Childhood innocence gives way to something… complicated.") is directly overlaid on Ezran's dealing with the aftermath of Callum helping Rayla and Runaan escape the Banther Lodge. I don't think Ezran ever really expected to have to deal with Harrow's killer, since Runaan is presumed dead, so he's unprepared to be confronted with it—particularly given that he has convinced himself he's over it, when he really isn't. He's tested both in suddenly facing a person he can't see as good, deep down. Runaan wasn't lashing out because he was hurting or scared, nor can Ezran conceive of them wanting the same things. There's also the sense of betrayal at Callum and Rayla differing so deeply from his own reaction, when they were previously so in tune—literally banding together despite being born on opposite sides of a millennia-old war, because they recognized the goodness in each other and that they all wanted peace.

Ezran's reaction to Runaan is definitely affected by what happens to Katolis—he's denied not only any kind of justice for Sol Regem's attack, but any explanation. Runaan's fate is something he can ostensibly control, in a situation where he feels both responsible and powerless. Now, an entire separate post could be done about s7's recurring exploration of punitive versus restorative justice through Rayla's trial, Ezran and Runaan, Janai and Karim, Terry, and (as always) Aaravos, but to briefly recap part of my meta on Terry's true heart and growth: Terry, in being challenged during s7, comes to realize that even if he chooses to continue holding to his true heart's faith in the world and others, he is complicit in the harm Claudia and Aaravos have done, and he feels compelled to start doing the work to repair that harm as much as he can. While he hasn't necessarily done anything that would warrant punitive justice, he recognizes that truly doing good requires work and effort, and sometimes doing difficult things. There's not really anything Runaan can (knowingly) offer to make right what he did, beyond his confession that he has come to realize everything he believed at the time was wrong, and he did grievous harm to Ezran that night. However, in that confession, he says something crucial:

Ezran's true heart led him to rule in a way that changed the world for the better, moving toward an unprecedented era of peace—something that, to Runaan's eyes, required a great deal of strength to put aside completely legitimate pain and grievances that could have easily rekindled millennia of war. (See also: "It's a strong name" in that Terry meta.)

I think it's in part because of that reminder—the description of the kind of person and king he wants to be—that Ezran chooses compassion and working toward forgiveness with Runaan. He's not choosing the true heart as a core part of his identity the way Terry does, but his own past true heart inspires his current self to make a decision that's right, but also hard. As with Terry, he is discovering that goodness can take work—true, concerted effort to both determine and follow the right path.

Does Ezran retain his true heart throughout s7? I don't know. I don't think it's entirely as simple as a yes/no state, and he has definitely lost some of his earlier confidence and beliefs. Ultimately I'm not sure it matters. He took a solid punch to the mouth, but either way... it seems like he's going to come out of it okay.

Not Worthy: Claudia's Skewed Perception

And now, a final tangent.

All that stuff I said earlier about a true heart not making you better or worse, and its "loss" being morally neutral? Well, there's at least one person who doesn't see it that way.

In s7, Claudia's inability to read the map and Terry leaving her (as she knew he would, when he learned the truth about her and her behavior) both contribute to the insecurities she has carried for most of her life. Claudia derives most of her self-worth from being very good at dark magic, and therefore loses emotional stability when either she "fails" at something magic-related or dark magic itself is questioned.

This is an interesting connection, because the true heart and/or its loss isn't inherently linked to dark magic. A true heart doesn't shrivel and die at your first dark magic spell, but it's inevitable that the practice of dark magic will at some point become impossible to reconcile with the core beliefs of the true heart simply because they're inherently incompatible... you can't see sapient magical creatures as "people" the same as you and as resources for spell ingredients. So while it's not surprising that Claudia no longer has her childhood true heart, it's not necessarily because of her dark magic... and yet, some part of her perceives it as an indictment against her.

We also know exactly where she probably internalized that view:

Puzzle House is actually where we first encounter the concept of the true heart, as a yes/no state that allows you to access the map to the Garden of Innocents. Kruha, the map's guardian, doesn't ascribe any moral value to being able to see the map or not—noting that he, himself, is "too old" to see it, anymore. However, a single note from Kpp'Ar, combined with her own insecurities at a point of emotional turmoil in her life—her mother has left her, Kpp'Ar has (apparently) left her, she's acting out by attempting increasingly complex self-taught magic and keeps getting in trouble because of it—lead even a 7-year-old Claudia to question whether she might also be unable to see it due to being "not good."

We still don't know why Kpp'Ar was seeking the Garden of Innocents and what caused his "change of heart," but if it's at all comparable to Viren's experience, he was going through The Horrors(tm)—it's not surprising that he'd indulge in a little self-loathing in what's meant to be a private note. Claudia, meanwhile, has her faith in him as a mentor figure she wishes to emulate shaken—he imprisoned Kruha, keeping him collared like an animal, away from his home and family. She knows that's wrong, and struggles to reconcile the Kpp'Ar she knew with someone who would do that. If Kpp'Ar is somehow bad, and she didn't know, could she also be bad and not realize it?

This is particularly interesting to me because she doesn't have this crisis when Viren quits dark magic, even when he explicitly tells her he led her down the wrong path. She does question whether she should also quit dark magic, but it's from the perspective of "it seems like it might have done him a lot of good, emotionally... maybe I should also try it?" rather than "my dad thinks I'm evil, actually," or even "my dad explicitly said he hopes I'll take a different path, one day... am I betraying him if I don't?" She's remarkably chill about it, though to be fair, she's probably still in a state of emotional shock and dissociation. She gets progressively more sensitive about it again during s7, particularly as she receives validation from Aaravos.

Anyway, just a little window into which little wheels are spinning in Claudia's head when she insists she hasn't changed:

I'm sure that won't be significant as she starts her Dragon Girl Summer (and Autumn, and Winter, and Spring).

[thebigsl33p]

Sinners. Sinners, man. Got so much shit to say so here I go. FIRSTLY as a twin, that shit was MAD. WOO. you would catch me sprinting over that doorway if that was me. I'd be the first one, volunteering as tribute for forever with my sister, no matter what the cost, hive mind or not. I'd be THERE and I'd be GRATEFUL. cannot actually articulate the effect of having the main characters be twins had on me, as a twin. SECONDLY, I'm Irish/Jamaican/Welsh. My father is welsh, and his father was Irish, my mother's half Jamaican, half Irish, and her grandparents were Irish. So. It was actually insane. But for a moment I'm gonna go on a little ramble about Mary, bcs I get it. I'm white passing. I have curly hair, and I'm slightly more beige than white white people, but I am white passing. And with being white passing comes privilege and I'm not very good at wording stuff.

But even from young, my mum would drill into me and my sister that we were neither one side nor the other, simply mixed race. Not percentages, not halves and quarters, just mixed race (of course, when people ask where your family's from it's not so easy, and so more often that not I do just have to break it down). However, my experiences are still MY experiences: the food I've eaten, the recipes passed down, the music my family play, the stories I've been told, which are heavily focused around culture and community, and things my mother, and her parents grew up with. Sinners shows such a joy in family, I think, especially when it comes to Mary. She doesn't have to explain to them, the people in the Juke Joint, who she is, why she's there. It's the white people that question her. And that experience is very much real. Family don't care what mix you are, where you're from, you're just family. It's people outside, I've found, to be less understanding. But also, as I saw someone else point out, Mary's mother dying severs her from an aspect of that identity. And once again, that is a very real fear I have. Perhaps fear isn't the right word, but worry. However - slightly off topic - thank God for living in London and multiculturalism.

I don't know how to word it properly, I'm not great at this. But Mary's character really struck me, because I was able to identify with her. if that's a good thing or a bad thing, I don't know. I tried my best. She feels important to people like me, and I think the film does a great job at showing different sides of the same experience. This is kinda ramble, but I might add onto it later.

BUT AGAIN this is my take from my perspective as a similar mix to the character, but who definitely hasn't had the same experience (due to time) but is still able to identify.

[marigoldbaker]

decided to start reading anne of green gables again to see if that fulfilled the very specific need awoken within me thanks to emily of new moon & i think i am glad that i am reading it again because it's helping me better understand and articulate exactly why i like emily of new moon much much better. it's the difference between a crisp red apple and bittersweet dark chocolate, i think -- very much a matter of taste, and what you're personally partial to in the moment.

but the thing i noticed immediately is that marilla is 100 percent charmed by anne from the jump, and it shows up in her behavior in a way that anne responds to! her judgments are thoughtful and compassionate, even if they are a little stiff at times, and she very clearly always has anne's best interests at heart. compare this to aunt elizabeth, who takes emily on with this very up-front attitude of "i'm doing this because it's my responsibility to do this," spends basically half the book alternating between trying to Fix all the things that are Wrong With Emily, telling emily that there are things Wrong With Her, and disciplining emily based on knee-jerk reactions that come from her own unresolved emotional issues and generational trauma -- and at the same time, at the very core of her, what motivates her is not wrath or dislike but fear! she has noooooo idea how to handle this little baby girl (like marilla) and nooooo idea that she even CARES about this little baby girl (UNLIKE marilla) and it's this lethal combination that means that emily is just totally convinced that aunt elizabeth is burdened by her.

and yet there are these tiny tiny little touches in emily of new moon that rattle me and warm my heart. soooo silly and sweet, but when emily comes back from visiting great-aunt nancy, aunt elizabeth's made her favorite cream puffs. aunt elizabeth is the one who emily trusts to do right by her, because if she promises, she means it. it's especially Much when juxtaposed with aunt laura, who showers emily with all sorts of warm and cuddly love but isn't actually any kind of material support against aunt elizabeth outside of being like "it sucks that she treats you like this :("

the thing that gets me too about emily and aunt elizabeth is like ..... they really want to be loved by each other but they feel embarrassed by that fact? aunt elizabeth when we first meet her "doesn't want to be snubbed" by emily; emily despite all the insanity and weirdness of aunt elizabeth has one of her deepest moments of shame and sadness when she realizes she's actually deeply hurt her.

i mean she expresses it like -- “And I’ll love you, Aunt Elizabeth, if you’ll let me—if you want me to. I didn’t think you cared. Dear Aunt Elizabeth.”

what an insane thing to say! i am clawing at walls! love that's held back because you're scared it's not wanted! love that's not felt because you're scared you aren't lovable! there is SO MUCH to unpack there and i just .... do not feel that level of vicious defensive insanity exists between anne and marilla! they just love each other! which is an equally valid and lovely narrative but does not make me want to like roam the moors breaking plates or whatever.

so idk i think emily of new moon is really a favorite of mine in a way that's very different from anne of green gables. apples and chocolate. both things i love too much to properly articulate, but there's one i just cannot live without.

[hanasnx]

mishandling

WARNINGS: stalker manhandles you unconsensually | loss of a limb | angst? no comfort? not rly but kinda | ruthless vader | gun mention.

you don’t know what you’d done to gain the attention of a fleet trooper aboard the starship. not even privy to his name, he talks to you so familiarly. handles your arm too comfortably. when you attempt to tug it from his grasp, it only tightens around your tissue to a painful degree. afraid of the gun on his belt, you don’t risk shoving him off. “stop. you’re hurting me.” you explain, but he continues his confession. raving about how you belong together, how he can take you away from this place.

“listen to me!” he professes, yanking you to him. you brace against his chest, squeezing your eyes closed in a wince. a fear courses through your veins at the thought of what he might do, or what your lover might think should you be caught.

even when you insist, “stop! let go!” he does not falter, advancing on you as you stumble back.

“you can’t tell me you haven’t thought about it. i have an escape pod, we’ll go now.”

“i’m not going anywhere with you!”

“you don’t have a choice—“ the trooper rounds you, towing you along, ignoring your protests as you futilely claw at his fingers. the doors to the elevator slide open, and the trooper is met face to chest with the sith lord of the fleet.

“lord vader.” he speaks weakly, and his grip loosens, intent to release you. he does not get the chance. your lover’s saber ignites and slices upwards in one swift motion. it severs the officer’s arm from his body, relinquishing him of the hand that touched you so carelessly, and it drops to the floor. your mouth agape as you watch steam rise from the cauterized wound.

after the trooper has been properly disposed of, you can’t get over your shock. you flee. while vader thoughtlessly hounds after.

“what did he say to you? what did he promise?” his anger ripples through his voice, disguising his genuine concern. you won’t answer, rushing to get back to your quarters in order to process this. “that insect thought he could lay hands on you- that was not his place. he had to be removed.” as if he believes reasoning with you will atone for the situation, make you come back to him for comfort.

you face him and emit a frustrated noise at him, flexing your fingers in a gesture, unable to articulate that you’d prefer him to stop exacerbating your unfortunate circumstances with his surly attitude.

you don’t so much as turn before his large hand is on you, whipping you back to him. so you refuse to look at him. “from this moment on you are not to leave my side, do you understand me?” the ill-timed command causes you to shoot him an incredulous expression, disbelief painted over your features. apparently, your lack of response planted a seed of distrust within him. as if you are the reason for your misfortune!

“you cannot be serious—!”

he speaks over you, “not when my fleet is littered with traitors!“ his rumbling words ringing in your ears as he escorts you to his private chambers.

[nalyra-dreaming]

Ngl...the Atlantis stuff.. i was like "ummmmm...okay." 😁

and it was something about the way they were characterized. I cant articulate how i feel properly without really thinking on it but it felt..

...almost like they were caricatures or stereotypes of a group of people that would lowkey offend me If i were one of them..

don't know if that makes sense...

Ps that Iceberg..lol

"derek the alien breastfeeds a severed hand that grows into his clone named Derek 2"

"the devil mails Lestat his eyeball"

My favorite "Louis is a pyromaniac" ( i need this explored, like I need him to burn down Antoinette's house after he swam the Mississippi for hate-sex)

You do make sense. A lot of people have problems with Kapetria and her ... friends I think, and it has all to do with the way they were written.

Which is also why I think Rolin will drop them. There is not enough.... "meat to the bone" to fit with the other characters, does that make sense? I like some of the ideological and philosophical thoughts in PLatRoA though, with the "parents" and the need for suffering as think pieces but maybe they'll pick that up separately.

And yes, the iceberg :)) ... no lies detected lol.

*snickers* And yes!!! (re Louis!) It is so often overlooked, but there has to be a reason why Antoinette is stashed away in a hotel after, right? I mean, Louis would never just go by her house anyways... so what happened to that house?! :))

Louis (and Lestat) burning stuff down is something I do hope the show will explore. You cannot IMAGINE the way I squealed (very undignified) when Louis set those cassettes on fire in s1. Like, seriously. I was vibrating in my set.

And the show has given us not nearly enough of it for my tastes 😈

(But you know my theory there, and... well. Paris was nicely hot there at the end, though I wished he'd used the fire gift on Santiago as well I have to admit. And the scythe *sighs*) :))

[worldstarz]

writing prompt #1: shinjiro aragaki

prompt: give one character a phobia and put them in a situation where they have to face it while in the company of the other.

pairing: shinjiro aragaki x gn!reader

tags: cw for centipedes; not proofread and i will never proofread this; maybe ooc

a/n: hi chat i am in my crashout era bc i’ve been having a writers block so everything i churn out is kinda shit quality! the prompt generator did not help! but maybe this will aid my fellow shinjiro fans in your daydreams. i always say i will proofread but i cannot ever re-read my own writing without fighting the urge to delete it so this will stay ass. also i picked centipedes bc i fucking hate them and i know they’re hella common in mainland japan. i’m from southern jp though so i’ve only ever had to encounter geckos and giant spiders. maybe writing abt him pregnant will cure my writer’s block idk.

“i need you to come to my room.”

“…what?” you mumble, fresh out of sleep, your thoughts still hazy. it was about 8am on a sunday—the only day you could sleep in—and yet your sleep was disturbed by your boyfriend, shinjiro. you mean this out of love, of course.

“come to my room. now.”

“at least say please,” you yawn, groggily sitting up. “what’s wrong? do you just miss me or somethin-“

“no.” his response was curt. “i just need you to come to my room. please. i’ll explain once you’re here.”

well, you certainly didn’t appreciate his attitude, but you know he didn’t mean it. it’s very difficult for him to properly articulate his emotions, but you’re willing to meet him halfway. “i get it, it’s hard for you to ask for cuddling, but-“

“i-it’s not that!” though he does sound flustered, you can still sense an underlying panic in his voice. “it’s… well… something is in here-“

“a shadow?” you cut him off. shadows only happen during the dark hour, but is it possible for one to show up outside of-

“no,” he says, his voice slightly above a murmur. you can barely hear him through the phone. “it’s a centipede.”

“…a centipede?”

silence.

“shinjiro, are you scared of centipedes?”

“…i’m not scared. i just would prefer to, um, not be around one. i guess.”

it’s hard to hold back a laugh. “that’s so cute! i never would’ve expected that from you!”

“just shut up and come over here!” he grunts, and you hear something clattering over. “it’s moving, holy shit, it’s moving-“

“okay, okay, i’ll be over in a second! i just have one condition; you have to give me a kiss.” it’s the least he could do for waking you up so early!

“fine, i’ll kiss you and whatever, just hurry up!”

you laugh, hanging up. not wanting to undermine his fears too much, you swiftly slip on some slippers and dash downstairs to his room, ignoring aigis in the lounge saying something about how according to her records, you are not usually in the hallway this early.

well, if you’re getting a kiss from shinjiro, who cares about the time?

twisting the handle, you swing open the door gently. shinjiro, still in his pajamas of a pair of boxers and a t-shirt, has his back is pressed against the wall opposite to the door, eyes wide and staring at the space to your right. his desk chair is knocked over on its side, likely the clattering sound you heard over the phone earlier. your eyes follow the target of his gaze, seeing the little creature with an uncomfortable amount of tiny legs right beside you.

“oh, it’s pretty small.” usually, you would opt for a cup and a piece of paper to trap the centipede and bring it outside to freedom, but with how dire the situation is, you have no choice but to abandon the pacifist route.

taking a slipper off, you utilize the footwear as a weapon to quickly smack the centipede. lifeless, it falls to the floor. picking it up with a tissue and discarding it in a nearby trash can, you hope that in the afterlife, it understands that this was a necessary action to get a kiss from your brooding boyfriend.

finally closing the door, you put your slipper back on as you glare at shinjiro, who visibly relaxes now that his opponent is dead.

“now where’s my kiss?” with a hand on your hip, you wait for your prize. you deserve it after all of that hard work, right?

he sighs, acting annoyed, but you both know he would never deny you. his eyebrows furrow as he walks over to you, muttering, “you’re such a moron.” to express his disdain, his hands naturally finds your waist as he presses his lips against your temple. “now we’re even.”

his eyes shift around a little. you look to see if there was possibly another centipede, but his reaction would be much more drastic if you did miss it. “shinjiro, what are you thinking about?”

“uh,” he hesitates, refusing to meet your eyes. “sorry for waking you up so early…i guess. and thanks.”

the corners of your mouth twitch, struggling to hide your amusement. “you know,” you lean against him, “i’m wayyy too tired to walk all the way back to my room. can i sleep with you for a little bit?”

he stiffens, then sighs reluctantly. “you’re such a pain in the ass.”

“oh? do you want me to leave then?”

swiftly, he swoops you off your feet, then gently sets you onto his bed. judging from the subtle raise of his eyebrows, he didn’t expect for that to be so smooth either. of course, you see right through him, laughing with your hands gripping his forearm.

“what’s so funny?” he quirks an eyebrow, slipping out of your grasp.

“you didn't even let me take my slippers off yet.” you kick them off your feet and begin to sit up to properly put them away, but he puts a hand on your chest to stop you. “lay down.”

who are you to deny his orders? like a gentleman, he lines them up properly at the door for you.

the bed dips as he situates himself beside you, making sure the blankets are covering you properly. like a magnet, you attach to his side, your arm wrapped around him and ear pressed against his chest. his heart beats rapidly in response. usually, you would pick on him, but he’s been through enough so early in the morning.

“you’re such a gentleman,” you tease, adjusting your body against him for maximum comfort.

“and you’re such a weirdo.” his heartbeat quickens again as his body vibrates beneath your ear with his gruff voice. “just hurry up and go to sleep.”

hopefully, the centipede’s spirit knows its sacrifice wasn’t in vain.

[astradyke]

hi. um. i just read your gender fic, the one...i already forgot what it was called, something something starving for it. sorry i'm feeling a lot of things right now i think that fic just changed my life and how i define my gender and i couldn't force myself to leave a comment on the fic with my ao3 account so i thought i'd come here. because i just needed to thank you because i've had all these thoughts and feelings for so long and i've been ignoring them because they scare me. and your fic was so nice and sweet and made me realize this is one of those good scary things. i don't think i'm in the headspace to properly articulate half of what i want to but just. thank you for writing that. i can't describe how much it means to me.

oh hello anon! i really appreciate you reaching out on here; i want my ask box to be a sweet welcome space and i hope it felt that way to you in writing this <3

gender is terrifying, but it is such a good terrifying. it's a convoluted process of indecision and reconsideration and having to reckon with yourself-- but "yourself" is such a beautiful thing, and that remains through transition. in a lot of ways, it blossoms through that process; you feel more connected to yourself, refreshed, new beginnings or another tomorrow, but a revival nevertheless. when i wrote the fic, i had hoped to realistically portray the experience of navigating the want of gender exploration-- trying to reconcile all of dan's fears about gender ("it's too late to transition" "how am i going to come out" "do i even want this all the time" "will my partner still want me"), but show that far more loudly exists the natural relief when she does embrace her gender. that it's scary but the scariness is more worth it than the discomfort she experiences trying to force herself to remain stagnant-- in a lot of ways, i remain inspired by my loved ones who are transitioning, and "I Saw The TV Glow" as a piece of media that addresses it (and also, my own journey, though different in many ways). it's a really complicated thing to talk about, but gender is a beast that you will look into the eyes of-- eyes that may scare you-- and realize that behind it, it is a beast, like everyone is, with love and passion and acceptance. it's something that will cradle you, if you take the steps to beckon it. and that is a difficult thing, but so, so, so endlessly worth it.

we are changing creatures by nature, who go through transitions, endings and beginnings, and develop new understandings of ourselves day by day. in that lens, gender transition is one of the most natural, beautiful processes out there. that isn't to dismiss or glorify any of the fears of it, but there is nothing, absolutely nothing, more important than you being yourself. that is the most beautiful thing in the world.

i don't know if any of that was overstepping, or unhelpful, so looping back to what i can speak more easily to-- it means the world to me that my fic could help you to realize that transitioning is the good kind of scary. i actually cannot emphasize enough how hearing that means everything to me. and i appreciate you telling me this, i appreciate you reading it, i appreciate you allowing me the privilege of telling you something through it. thank you.

i hope you are doing well. that you are kind to yourself, and resting. thank you for reading my fic. i wish you the best <3

[velvette-hussle]

I think saying that Valentino is being woobified is not…the correct word. Vox, and the way a lot of the fandom downplays his villainy into something more palatable for them by making him a victim and then overemphasizing that victimhood while downplaying his antagonism, is being woobified. On the other hand what’s happening to Valentino is not that.

Both the show (and large parts of the fandom as a result) aren’t downplaying Valentino’s villainy and status as a rapist to make people feel sorry for him so that they’re more comfortable with liking his character. The way Valentino is presented as by the narrative is as this complete fucking moron with anger issues who has zero tact or impulse control; the audience is supposed to point and laugh at Val any time he is not directly (and I do mean ‘directly’) interacting with Angel Dust, which in turn lessens his negative impact without technically just straight up erasing it or pretending it doesn’t exist, and makes him more comfortable to handle and for people to like (or even to dismiss and to hate in some cases).

That phenomenon is not him being turned into a woobie though, that’s him being infantilized; it’s infantilization. No amount of adding layers and nuance to a character (especially if those layers are properly tackled) is going to lessen the impact of a villains’ negative influence on a narrative like making the audience laugh at them more often than they grow apprehensive of them will, and that’s exactly what the show did.

IE: Depict the idea that Valentino is a joke and (outside of his interactions with Angel) he’s practically harmless.

How I see it the show is simultaneously asking the audience ‘how bad could he really be, he’s such an idiot?’ and then showing us exactly how bad Valentino could be and expecting us to just go back to laughing at him right afterwards now that the threat is not immediately in our faces anymore. EDIT: There’s also an implication - that parts of the fandom run with and the writers could maybe be actively showcasing - that Valentino is an undercover mastermind who’s actually smart, but the show itself doesn’t give enough hints at his “childishness” being an act he puts on for me to regard it as more than fans expanding upon the specs of Valentino’s character that they’ve been given to marry the two facets of his identity together and as more headcanon than canon.

With balance this doesn’t have to be an inherently bad thing, but I don’t feel that the show has that balance. Trying to soften the blow a depiction of a fictional rapist will likely have on an audience is not a horrible idea, but something about the way HH goes about it just doesn’t work for me and I cannot for the life of me directly articulate why. I feel the show just often misses the mark when it comes to deciding what about Val and the shit he does should be emphasized for comedic affect, what should be shown to the audience with relative neutrality, and when they should seriously emphasize him being a villain and a abuser/rapist.

From how I see it, Valentino needed more neutral scenes than he did comedic; for further understanding of my thought process his tantrum in “Radio Killed The Video Star” (s1ep2) is comedic (except for when he riles Vox up before the show goes right back to playing up Val’s anger for laughs), his inclusion and actions during the Vees’ meeting scene in s1ep2 is neutral (there’s subtle comedic elements to what he’s saying/doing but the audience isn’t meant to actively be laughing out loud or anything), and the scenes where he’s directly attacking angel (his meaner texts/voice messages to Angel, the dressing room scene in “Masquerade”, his appearances in “Poison”[♪], & when Val threatens then slaps Angel in “Welcom To Heaven”) are meant to showcase his menace without buffers. Less overtly comedic scenes would’ve just balanced him better I think, so there’s not this weird dichotomy of moments where Vox treats Valentino not like a non-threat but like a child having to be weighed against moments where Angel Dust is regarding Valentino like the Overlord is his personal boogieman who’s actually a threat to be taken seriously.

In general though, while some people do play up Valentino’s stupidity and incompetence in a bid to actively neutralize, undermine, or ignore his more violent tendencies for their own purposes (EDIT: sometimes for comedic value, sometimes to make him more palatable or more fun to play around with), the infantilization and further “dumbing down” of his character in fandom seems to mostly stem from an almost incessant need to make him as undesirable as possible even for a villain. It’s a phenomenon that I don’t really have a full explanation for, but for me it reads as a way to “diss” Valentino and the theoretical rapist that exists in many people’s heads that he represents. This isn’t a disavowing of that or anything either, it’s just something I’ve noticed that I don’t really have a name for but still find interesting.

I do think Valentino’s “dumbing down” in fandom has its drawbacks — making a character with such a medium level of influence like Valentino so stupid and impulsive he doesn’t even hide his crimes retroactively makes all the other characters around him seem uncharacteristically weaker for falling for him when he’s not even trying to hide how bad he is or how abusive he’d be, incompetent for not defeating him when he gets in their way even though some of these characters are both more powerful than him & not being manipulated by him, and uncaring since the characters he’s victimizing have someone who claims to care about them (or who’d at least have a vetted interest in the victim’s safety) that knows how bad Valentino is but just chooses not to do anything regardless as a result — but I’m pretty sure I understand where the desire comes from in general even if I personally don’t love it, so whatever.

Brought to you by me misconstruing the term “uwuify” with “woobify” so…..yeah. This post technically spawned from nothing but I did not want to put it to waste so here y’all go. This is kind of ordered wonky too, but fuck it.

[specificallybruins]

could you perhaps be persuaded into expanding on why and/or how your bouncers are protective of each other 👀?

I wasn't sure if you wanted it in bulletpoint form or nah, so imma just go bulletpoint first, cuz i need to do some thinking to articulate them into actual sentences

The Bruins have a code which is "We protect our own". So if you violate it you either pay it by exile or death

When Ully was in Buffalo he was working a similar job (private security). And he remembers watching his coworker Sobotka getting jumped from behind when he was off on his own.

Later on working a job at a shady house party he watched his friend/partner Carter Hutton get stabbed to death when he was down and injured. He felt helpless and guilty so he moved to Boston to get away from his past. (I'm sorry Hutts ILY i'm sorry u gotta go like this)

On his first mission Bergy was fiercely protective of everyone and he admired that. He ended up sort of asking Bergy how he does it and Bergy sort of explains how he lost Razor and now doesn't want to lose anyone else. He cannot change the past but he can focus on the present.

At the club he sees Sway get harassed by some drunk girls and he doesnt like seeing Sway uncomfortable so he would interject and kindly escort the girls out

Meanwhile Sway when he first joined learned by watching Tuukka and Jaro. He likes this group of people. He likes being their last line of defence. He doesn't like them getting hurt.

When he first met Ully he sees a lot of anxiety and a little bit of wariness so he opened himself up to Ully. That caught Ully off-guard and he decided he was gonna protect the friendly guy so he doesn't end up like Hutts.

Something like this. I have not formulated the thoughts properly and I am very sorry it took me a while cuz I had a couple of appointments (doctors appt, job interview) so i couldnt focus on it.

But now that I got some of it written down I should be able to write you a fic to go along with it I'm sorry if it's not what you expected :(

[silvexus]

Re: Sometimes feeling species dysphoria as someone who doesn't ID as non-human - would you be willing to expand on that? It's okay if not - I don't want to pry - but I've never heard of someone having that experience before and think it might be valuable to the overall conversation.

That said the comparison to cis folks sometimes experiencing gender dysphoria makes intuitive sense to me, too.

Sure! I'll try my best to figure out how to articulate this in a way that makes sense and is also respectful (as someone who doesn't ID as non-human, I obviously do not want to appropriate experiences!) but I do fear it may not be as interesting as it sounds.

This got really long, so I'm putting in a read more, oops!

For clarification, I experience psychosis (since childhood) and have neurological disorders. I think the combination of these things is what causes what I'm about to try to describe, though I would certainly not try to say that the only thing that can cause species dysphoria is this sort of experience, nor would that would make someone's experience any less valid if they chose to ID as non-human if they were in a similar situation. Everyone is different, after all!

Primarily, this thing I equate to species dysphoria manifests as two different things that I tend to describe as non-human body language and non-organic yearning.

Non-human body language isn't as encompassing as I'd like it to be, but it's hard to articulate. My limbs don't feel right sometimes; disproportionate to each other, maybe. My spine feels wrong; too short, maybe? That could be the scoliosis causing both of these things, but it happens in my arms sometimes too. I don't know what it wants to be, however. There's ways my body wants to move to convey ideas to others than I can't emulate properly. My vocal mimicry is good, but not good enough, though I wouldn't really tell you what calls I'm supposed to make. I do trill a lot, when I can.

My teeth aren't quite sharp enough, I know that. And would a tail help? Would upright, pointy ears? A crest of feathers? I wouldn't mind a crest, I think, but then the moment passes and what I have is... acceptable. Fine. I am here, in this place, and my nerves are made of fire.

In a more permanent fashion, I bunt people to show my affection, but even when I physically can't it is a constant urge. (I nearly broke poor @/sattarehi asking if I could bunt him.) It's easier to move on all fours sometimes, or just in ways that are unintuitive to a human blueprint. To curl around people while we're sitting on the edge of a bed, them sitting up, me on my side to encircle them, in a way I don't see others doing often. The way I hold my arms sometimes feels like the resting position of something else; holding them at my sides like a person is expected to feels wrong, like it'll impede my ability to flee if I need to. (From what? Is that the paranoia? The hypervigilance? The nerves again? The various and sundry neurodivergencies?) When I'm socially allowed to cross my arms it helps, but it's not quite perfect.

Sometimes, the fact that I cannot do these things more effectively (though my brain does not grant me the knowledge of what that would look like), that I am considered eccentric and strange for doing them at all, pulls at something in me that doesn't speak in any language I have access to.

As an aside that may only slightly be relevant, my social integration is interesting. People who are friends or close associates or even people I think of fondly become extensions of us in a way that isn't so much possessive, but in the same way a tight knit family group might be among certain animals. (Which is why when people ask 'do you experience romantic love?' I can't honestly say. This is already quite intense, you want me to try and define it further?) And that's to say nothing of the prey drive. The human prey drive is intense enough, and I can certainly repress it well (I can't believe PvP games were good for something) but mine feels a little overtuned.

... So the non-organic yearning is fun to try and figure out, but it provokes the same feelings, so I'll try to articulate it just in case it helps!

It feels like I am made of something deeper. Something farther. Here, there, everywhere. I feel like I am floating adrift in a dark sea, unable to drown or sink, though surely I must. Surely I must. And yet.

It isn't an invincibility. It isn't a belief in a higher power or an afterlife. For the sake of my health, I cannot believe in these things. (We shan't talk about my childhood delusions, but they were quite elaborate! You could tell I was into world religions as study subject as a child.)

But sometimes I look into the sky and feel it staring back, like I am stuck in a Polaroid that an old friend keeps looking at to remember me. I look at pictures from all of our instruments that turn into the infinite dark beyond our planet and my brain thinks I want to go home the same way I do when I see my hometown on a map. I am not from here, something in me insists. I am from nowhere, but I am certainly not from here. Is that the intergenerational trauma? The thing that infects you and fills in where your grandparents' language and food and culture is supposed to be? The remains of what a war before you were born left behind? Or is it something else?

It feels like something else, the same way sometimes my body feels wrong in the same, but different, way that it always feels wrong. It feels like whatever I am, separate from this meat suit and these mutinous neurotransmitters, is from somewhere else. That it knows this. That it wants to go back.

Not all of my body dysmorphia is neatly gender dysphoria. Species dysphoria, as a term, helps gather these experiences up neatly, even if I don't identify as non-human. I am human. I am a strange, eccentric human, even if I feel like Something Else Wearing A Human Skin, but ultimately human regardless. Despite that, almost. Maybe, in a strange, contradictory way, I'm both. Human is what I want to be, at the end of this day. But regardless, it does help me understand things a bit more than someone who doesn't have the same experiences, I think. And maybe this will change in the future as my understanding of myself grows! I'm a whole adult, but I'm growing every day, you know?

(You know that book, Casual Rex? And they made it into a show pilot/TV movie called Anonymous Rex? And it was about dinosaurs barely surviving their extinction and pretending to be human and they wore disguises to blend in? There's a scene where a character describes another character as "she's a human pretending to be a dinosaur pretending to be a human!" Life feels like that sometimes.)

[cult-of-the-eye]

Tell me your Criminal Minds thoughts! (please if your still gripped by it) <3

oh boy being gripped by it is an understatement

get ready folks

ok so when i first started it i was hesitant cause like i was coming out of a bad time and i was like i need something new to focus on but i'm not sure if this'll make me feel worse or better but i'd heard good things about it and some stuff about people thirsting over a skinny autistic white guy and then i started it and i was GRIPPED ok i should've known it would join my list of hyperfixations cause i'm such a sucker for found family going through horrific things partly cause they're trying to solve things in their own past and this is pretty much exactly that but more on the angst than fluff side

anyway on to the characters my beloved <33333

Gideon

i am SUCH a slut for this kinda character like renowned kinda eccentric genius forced away from his field after a traumatic event then coming back to that field

and gideon oh man he was so fucking cool i loved that guy

he was literally everyone's dad i just-

the whole elle calling gideon dad storyline made me giggle

i was so sad that he retired but you know what i'm glad cause the poor guy deserved a fucking BREAK

he's just so iconic, like him being spencer's father figure, him screaming bloody murder in that one house to show it was sound proofed or whatever, him telling elle not to call him dad, him sharing the orange with his coworkers, him going beserk over the one child that got kidnapped and literally BUSTING into the kidnapper's house and he's always so gentle with the kids and it's so fucking sweet, him and his little cabin this man deserves so much rest i love him

in my head he is happily fishing in a cabin somewhere

Elle!!!!

I LOVE HER I LOVE HER I FUCKING LOVE HER

she is so fucking underrated man

she's just so COOL and like she's introduced as like this ambitious smart badass FBI agent but she's also so insanely caring about the female victims

like she acknowledges how difficult it is to be a female in that position and also keep sane having seen all that shit happen to the female victims

i really fell i love with her during one of the earlier episodes where she's talking to a rape victim and she sees that she's uncomfortable and takes her away from the men to give her some space and the opportunity to talk to a woman i just

she's so fucking fierce and loving and i would do ANYTHING for her

my girl did NOTHING wrong

all the shit that went down in the fisher king i will never get over that, like she could've been furious at any of the team and blamed them for what happened to her but she didn't

it's wild to me that the best criminal profilers in the US couldn't see that elle desperately needed help

i will always remember the time she opens up to reid about how she can still feel the guy's fingers inside her bullet wound and i just AH she needed the compassion that she usually provided but she didn't get that and so she broke

i am a fierce defender of elle greenaway i love that woman and i was DEVASTATED when she left i cannot believe we only got 3 seasons of her

(she's also hot)

Hotch

oh man i have so many thoughts about this man but i can't properly articulate any of them

first of all, smash.

now we've gotten past that, i'm such a sucker for grumpy caretaker characters who barely smiles but when he does it's wonderful and meaningful

he knows his team and it fucking shows i just love this guy so much

i was so sad when hailey divorced him, i thought he was gonna be the one guy with the semi healthy family life but guess not

although i understand why she did, they needed different things than each other

the part that really made me go feral was when he was talking to that one serial killer and he was like some people who were horrifically abused grow up to kill and torture others but others grow up to catch them

i was like OH FUCK that resonates, vowing to never do what was done to you and stop others from ever feeling the same way you did

but then they did nothing with that storyline which was a little disappointing but i did like it

also he's a father

Spencer

i went into this only knowing about the hype for this guy and boy do i understand it

i am not into men but i would make an exception for this man right here

something about his autistic transmasc puppy dog swag has captivated me

the fact that he is autistic and comfortable letting the mask up a little around these people and!! they still!!! love him!!! it just makes me so fucking happy

like if he can do a job where his skills are seen as insanely useful and it's a part of him that's loveable then maybe i can too!!

he's so cute this skrunkly little white guy i don't really have the words to explain i want to throw him against a wall and then feed him soup

they always put these ones through the most trauma i feel

but we do love to see it

like break pretty boy break!

JJ

gorgeous gorgeous girly i love her

she's so funny and confident and sweet and smart and like what even else is there to say she's literally just everything

Morgan

i LOVE morgan with all my heart

like he's the older brother of the team, his friendship with literally everyone is everything to me

the way he calls reid pretty boy and teases him and his whole platonic soulmate ship with garcia (i don't ship them personally i see them as absolute besties) and his general just charming, funny, likeable demeanour

and then we get hit by the episode where he reveals that he was molested as a kid

i didn't cry but i got extremely close

it's always those ones who have the most devastating backstories

his whole speech about how he was the one who got himself out of chicago, not his abuser, he did that all by himself oh man

that was a punch in the gut.

i love him <3

Garcia

she is an ICON she is The MOMENT she is EVERYTHING

i fucking love her i would kill for her

her personality seeps into EVERYTHING man she is just so unabashedly herself and it's so fucking wonderful to see

she's quirky and upbeat amongst all the horror and its so fucking refreshing i am so in love with her confidence especially as a mid size person myself

she's so sweet she's literally everyone's best friend her energy is so infectious ahhhhhh love her <3

Prentiss

i saved my fave for last :)

at first i was like she will never replace elle i don't trust her but then she didn't replace elle, she was awesome in her own way

first of all. SMASH. she's so insanely hot i would die for her

her voice, her eyes, her hair, her personality oh my god

she's just so fucking driven and compassionate and has her dry humour that makes me so insane about her

i have no words

she's just everything to me

yeah ok. thanks for asking!!! writing this absolutely cheered me up after a bad day :)

[blackwoodjournalhisui]

Day 2: Summer, cloudy

Prof. says that I needn’t make these entries so personal, but I told him I’d rather my work not be so soulless. What is research for but to inform others? The poor Prof. shook his head at me, but didn’t disagree. If anything, he seemed a bit bewildered. I shall continue in the usual vein then, dear readers.

I have decided there is no better place to properly begin my studies than the golden fields of my past. It seems fitting, something of a circular track to life. If I was more articulate, a poet rather than a scientist, I’d likely have something profound to say about it. As it stands, here we are. At any rate, I’m unlikely to get lost in these fields, familiar with them as I am. Not that I would mind getting lost, of course, there’s something altogether lovely about just wandering, but I suppose I have a job to do these days.

I walked today through the northern part of the grasslands, eyes at my feet, looking for bug Pokémon, when I stumbled- quite literally, dear readers!- over something else. A rock I had sworn was not in my path had somehow wound up directly under my boot. My palms are quite scraped up. But as I sat up in confusion from where I had sprawled, I heard an odd noise. It sounded like granite on granite, a deep rumbling that was unmistakably displeasure.

The rock I had sworn I’d avoided unfolded itself. Humanoid arms and beady black eyes looked back at me. The Geodude waved its hands at me, and I ducked my head in apology. Whether he understood my contrition or not, he moved on quickly. I did notice something odd about him before he left me, rolling away at a surprising speed. His body was generally uniform in composition, aside from a bright chuck of crystal that protruded slightly. I had never seen a Geodude that had anything different on it. I was under the impression that their rock was more of a thick, calcified skin, biological in nature. Was this crystal protrusion a result of his diet? More research is necessary to determine how common this oddity is before its etiology can be found, I do believe.

The Geodude run-in was altogether unthreatening, but it has raised a pertinent issue. How am I to get along in these wilds without a Pokémon? I am wholly unable to defend myself if I get into a tough spot I cannot escape from. But where does one begin with getting a Pokémon companion? There is the matter of catching one, which I have heard requires a certain amount of hand-eye coordination that I am sure I do not possess. I shall have to purchase many Poké balls, I suppose. And then there is also the matter of WHAT Pokémon would be a beneficial companion to raise.  I must give this more consideration.

[britcision]

this is not in regards to any laws being introduced and i say this as a queer person who was a victim of csa - do you earnestly believe websites putting their foot down when it comes to child pornography and content fetishizing horrifying abuse like rape and incest will lead to "censorship" of innocent queer content? do you believe that with your entire chest? do you not see how you are inherently correlating fetishization of abuse with content of gay people existing? and mind you, i am not talking about content that merely explores these themes, but if you jump to try and include exploration of the effects of abuse in graphic detail with content pedophiles make to get off at the thought of a child being molested and then share so other pedophiles can do the same, what does that say about you? why do you feel the need to mock victims and make straw man arguments no adult actually makes about fiction, and then thusly you are targeting the poorly formed opinions of children who are clearly hurt and terrified to mock them for not fully understanding how to properly articulate what they wish to express? do you not see how none of this helps anyone. you are probably a victim yourself, i know, don't get me wrong. i am just trying to make a point. even if you don't understand, or look within yourself, it doesn't really matter to me. i'm gonna block you and move on because i have better things to do than try to genuinely convince a person with their ao3 username in bio about how they have malformed opinions over the internet lmao.

Because the people who are pushing this law to “protect children” are literally the same ones who are getting gay books banned from schools and getting teachers fired for talking about their home lives should they dare to be queer

Because back when FOSTA/SESTA was passed with almost identical hype about “protecting children”, the only thing that happened was porn bans and queer content being deleted or buried. Including images of two men/women holding hands

Because studies have been done for decades, and these kinds of laws have never, ever, made anyone even remotely more safe; all they do is make tagging a legal liability for companies, meaning you cannot meaningfully filter out fan content that might trigger you

Because putting the onus on internet providers or hosts does not catch, slow, or even hinder the people actually abusing children - it just means that anyone who wants a queer content creator removed can just spam report all their work as csa

Because I actually care about children, and have done the research rather than just believing every single cry I hear of “for the children” - the tagline of every racist and queerphobic piece of legislation since before anyone alive today was born

Because pointing out that “queer content is all pedophilia” is an argument these people will immediately use to destroy queer content is not corroborating that opinion; it’s basic pattern recognition, and pretending that it is anything else is a suppression tactic to stop people from calling out that bullshit

If you actually care about children and want them to be safe, stop knee jerk reacting and start actually thinking. The data’s all a Google away, the studies have been done, and anyone who was even remotely engaged when SESTA/FOSTA passed should have noticed just what that legislation actually did

We have seen these kinds of bills before. We saw what happened immediately after. Criminologists around the world have studied the results: children are not safer. And I care more about that than buzzwords and temper tantrums online

But go off about “poorly formed opinions” defending the exact same game plan that happened literally a decade ago like no one has ever heard of history. Makes you look real noble, totally disguises your judgemental hissy fit as Brave Justice Warrior

[gaunt-and-hungry]

20 Questions for Fic Writers!

From @library-child This looked like a lot of fun and I thought it would be a delight to do! Thank you for everything!

How many works do you have on AO3? Seven

What's your total AO3 word count?

32,832 words

What fandoms do you write for? Mostly just The Terror

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? "If we sing the song of our people" - 129 "Embouchure of Leviathans" - 20 "Basic Needs" - 10 "To Make a Captain Scream" - 5 "Shelter" - 5

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I do. I do enjoy engaging with the community I write with. We have a shared interest that is very profound. The Terror fandom is very different from any other fandom I have experienced. There is a uniqueness to it that is unlike anything I have ever seen. I do enjoy it deeply. I love seeing what others think and how I have impacted them and be able to really see how my work reflects on their individual!

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I cannot say I have written a fic with an angsty ending before!

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Brine and Ice. I am still working on edits and posting to Ao3. It's mostly finished in the workshop however it is rather rough. I still have to smooth out riggings and sails on it. But people live. People fall in love. People get the relief they need. Do you get hate on fics? If I do, it is not something that is vocalised! Either that or it has gone right over my head and I have disregarded it. So not to my knowledge! Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Of course I do! I write a lot of good wholesome delight and smut and reader insert content. We are on a ship, after all...

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I do not write crossovers. I am not particularly crazy about them myself. They do not suit my palette. I think the craziest fic I wrote was for a friend and it was some Lovecraftian porn. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Goodness no. Not that I am aware of. That sounds awful! Have you ever had a fic translated? Not yet. Though I could translate my own fics if I so wished. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! I have co written several fics though I doubt any of them are posted anywhere. What's your all-time favorite ship? Francis Crozier x James Fitzjames or Francis Crozier x Thomas Jopson What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? No such thing. How dare ye.

What are your writing strengths? I descriptions, I think. Immersion as well, I hope. Or at least I think I am quite sound in that field. I spend a lot of time studying and focusing on era / age/ time appropriate materials and consume a lot of media that already is proper-set for my focus. This means immersion into that area and space is usually easy for me coupled with my ability to describe things.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Hetero romance and I sometimes struggle with properly articulating when time has passed. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I am a polyglot. First fandom you wrote for? Does Crime and Punishment count? Favorite fic you've ever written? I do love them all equally though I am currently most invested and beloved of Brine and Ice which currently exceeds 100,000 words in its current form. It is a guilty pleasure fic and shamelessly at that. It is a process to make it postable for Ao3 currently. Tagging: @smileofacaffeinatedsaint, @charismat1c-megafauna, @wantsusdead, @tommyjop, @ashton-slashton, @alittletoosmarttobestraight, @pretendingday I tried to think of all the fic writers I am following or are mutuals with. Please include yourself if I have missed you!