#i mean i can also try and draw or write...idfk....

[simplyhughes]

WS2 "Debut"

Synopsis: Your bf Will Smith makes his NHL debut and you are by his side to support him! REQ: "Can you write something for Will Smith where he is making his nhl debut and reader is there supporting him? ❤️"

Content Warning: This may be inaccurate. IDFK what happens post-game, lol. Also, I wrote this before the end of the game, so I didn't include a score, but it is looking like the Sharks will win, lol.

Pairing: Will Smith x Reader

wc: 1k

Will’s apartment buzzed with activity. His family, who had flown in from Boston, filled every corner, and engaged in excited conversations. Today was the culmination of everything he had worked for—his NHL debut. But despite the excitement, I could sense the pressure weighing heavily on him.

Slipping away from the lively chatter, I gently pushed open the door to his bedroom. "Will?" I called softly, peeking through the crack. "It's me, Y/N."

"Come in," he responded quietly.

I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. Will stood in front of the mirror, tugging at his tie for what seemed like the hundredth time. His reflection didn’t show the confident guy I knew—it showed someone overwhelmed by nerves. I moved behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist, resting my head between his shoulder blades. The faint scent of his cologne grounded me as I gazed at his reflection in the mirror.

"You look so handsome, Will," I whispered, trying to meet his eyes in the mirror. But his face remained serious, a mix of concentration and worry. His grip on the tie slackened as he turned to face me, searching my expression for reassurance.

"Thanks, baby," he murmured, though his smile barely touched his lips.

"Come here," I said softly, gently guiding his hands away from the tie and reworking it myself. His hands fell to my waist, his touch light, but his mind clearly elsewhere.

"You don’t look too bad yourself," he said, his voice brightening slightly as he noticed my jacket—his number two stitched proudly on the back. "I love seeing you in my number."

“I have to support my man.” I chuckled, hoping to ease the tension. After straightening his tie and smoothing his collar, I looked up at him with a smile. "There. Perfect."

Will turned back to the mirror, his expression softening. "How do you always manage to do that?" he asked, genuinely impressed.

I grinned. "Just needed a girlfriend’s touch."

He exhaled deeply, and the weight of the moment seemed to catch up with him. "Babe, what if I mess up?" he confessed, the vulnerability in his voice unmistakable. "What if I don’t live up to everything?"

I could see how much this debut meant to him—this wasn’t just a game; it was everything he had worked for.

Taking his hand in mine, I pulled him closer. “Will, listen to me. You’ve earned this. Every drop of sweat, every early morning, every setback—it’s all led to this. You’ve got the talent, and more importantly, you’ve got the heart. Today isn’t about being perfect; it’s about being yourself. And I believe in you more than anything.”

His shoulders relaxed slightly as the tension began to melt away. His gaze softened, a look of relief crossing his face.

“I love you so much, and no matter what happens out there today, I’m already so proud of you,” I continued, brushing my thumb over the back of his hand. “You’re going to be amazing.”

Will closed his eyes briefly, letting my words sink in, before opening them again, a newfound clarity in his expression. “I love you more than I can say. You have no idea how much it means to have you here, by my side.”

Letting go of my hand, he cupped my face, his touch gentle. Leaning down, he kissed me slowly, softly, lingering like he was drawing strength from it. When he pulled away, he rested his forehead against mine. “I love you, pretty.”

“I love you more. Now, rockstar, your fans are waiting for you in the living room!” I teased, alluding to the family gathered outside.

Will chuckled, his spirits visibly lifted. He started for the door when I called out, “Gyatt damn!”—playfully smacking his ass.

"Hey!" he yelped in surprise, reaching for the door handle.

“M’sorry, couldn’t help it,” I laughed, and he shook his head with a grin before opening the door. Together, we stepped out, ready to rejoin reality.

The "Shark Tank" was electric long before the puck even dropped. Fans flooded the SAP Center, eager for the home opener and to witness the debut of two rookies—the future of the Sharks franchise.

Will's family was watching from one of the suites, and I planned to join them there, but for his rookie lap, I wanted to be up close. I made my way down to the glass, securing a perfect view to watch my beautiful boyfriend take the ice for his first professional game. The energy around me was buzzing, and it was hard to stay still amidst the excitement.

Finally, the moment arrived. Out skated the two rookies, helmets off, their skates gliding smoothly over the ice. Will had the biggest smile on his face—the happiest I’d ever seen him. I quickly raised my phone to capture this monumental moment. This was something we’d cherish forever.

Will scooped the puck and, with a swift motion, wound up for a slap shot, sending the puck into the net. He circled behind the goal, scanning the crowd, and then our eyes met. His face lit up with surprise when he saw me at the glass. Grinning, he sped toward me, the fans around us pounding on the boards. He slammed into the glass playfully, shooting me a wink before skating off. Moments later, the rest of the team flooded the ice.

I sat surrounded by Will’s family for the rest of the game. Every time the Sharks scored, we erupted in celebration, hugging and cheering together. The energy was contagious, and it made for one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life.

When the game finally ended, Will’s parents and I made our way down to greet him alongside the other families. As the players wrapped up post-game interviews, Will finally emerged, heading straight for his parents’ arms. I captured the precious moment in pictures. After they shared a few words, Will spotted me. Without a second thought, he rushed over, scooping me into his arms and spinning me around. He set me down gently, his lips quickly finding mine for a deep, grateful kiss.

“You did it, baby,” I whispered.

“And I couldn’t have done it without you,” he replied, his smile never fading.

A/N: this is my first time writing for Smitty! I have a major crush on him heheh. Im so excited to write more for him! Dont be shy on requests for him! I hope you enjoy. Feedback is always welcome~

[youtry2replaceurself]

good morning, good afternoon, good evening, and goodnight!

Also nothing about this post is organized but I would like to add that yes I do take drawing requests and they are very very encouraged, and there's a 50/50 chance the drawing will be shit :3

And I have a huge tag list so ask me if you want to be on it or if you want to be taken off it

OC stuff hERE look

Pronouns are anything other than she/her, preferably they/them

Wattpad is @asri3l_dreemurr, @spamton-detector is my gimmick blog, @thermodynamics-lawyer-esq was abandoned 💔,

aalso @redleavesandteardrops WAs my WoF side blog but fuck you

and @sonder-wof is my fan-made WoF continent blog thing

dni if you're a bitch I guess, don't want a long ass list of terms I don't like lmao

Btw I'm a lynx, reindeer, and crow/magpie (idfk I'm trying to figure out) therian wahoo !! And also some kind of owl but I'm not sure and I'm really confused help

Important links/posts I think are particularly cool and blinkies and whatevers belowww

Important links I think people should see: (actually mostly stuff I just want to go back to later)

Alright, usually, I put the most recent links at the bottom, but I need y'all to reblog this now.

This might be already on here but, if you find someone that tried to commit suicide via pills:

Internet safety and how to identify pdf files/pedophiles

Important sites for while Trump is president

How to be prepared for Trump's presidency

Like the above link

Something to remember about Project 2025

What to do if you suddenly find yourself homeless

^ written by someone who has been homeless

Text... Font... Thing...

Writing resourcesssss

TIME TRAVEL, BITCH

Books Trump might ban, I think

Depression tips

Words instead of "said"

When your character...

Rizz

Some links for a bad day

Suicide hotline that isn't call (was told this isn't working at the moment)

Goodbye medical debt!!

Tree noise<3

Petition to ban perfume in schools

How to bypass YouTube's anti ad blocker thingy

I didn't have the attention span to. Fully read this so I am so so sorry I can't summarize this properly but I'm fairly sure that it is important and worth reading if you're, unlike me, capable of reading this

Thank You Mister Deli Woman

Kewl resources for artists

In the US? Wanna learn new and terrible things about where you live?

Cold shock response

????WHAT THE FUCK ???????

BOYCOTT COCA COLA PRODUCTS AND NESTLE PRODUCTS!

Classic meme templates

THIS ANIMATIC MADE ME CRY

Self care assessment thingy

free movies

How to draw arms and legs

Lineart turorial

Becoming an adult cheat sheet

taxes

How to fight back against ICE agents

Something something food recalls. I'm stupid and don't know what this means but I've heard it talked about seriously

Awesome seawing art

WoF headcanons I wanna go back to

Fuck Google

March 15

Sound

Wobble worble

"Jesus in a hot topic"

Call the police on their pedophile ass

“I have all these OCs! But no story…”

Fuck ice, know your rights

Web games

Fuck paywalls

Survive the next 4 years

Might have another similar thing here but how to identify AI (writing, voices, videos, "art")

Literally everything you need to make a character

Holidays :)

Buy stuff from native people!!

Wholesome thing I wanna save so I can go back to it

AO3 summaries: help

Site to totally avoid

Speaking from ignorance

Top surgery tips!

Consent

Project Gutenburg

Finding your lost pets/your lost non-human family

First aid for seizures

Dragons and unicorns.

Food or drugs that have been recalled

What to do if...

STATISTICS

Substitutes for AI!

The whole untitled wolf sheep comic thing

Kris. K-kris. I don't smoke weed. I DONT SMOKE WEED! I DONT SMOKE WEED! I DONT SMOKE WEED !!! KRIS !!!!!!!

tips

VERY important tips

Deltarune animation I very much love, chapter 3 spoilers beware

Yet another deltarune animation I love, again, ch3 spoilers

Tenna gifs (thank you ezgif I love you ezgif)

Education is a right, not a service

2dollarbeer

TENNA MOUSE??

Fun behaviors to give dragons

Mpreg.

Stop nonconsensual intimate image abuse

Essay about Ralsei i like a lot

Deltarune divorce chart?

Anygays here's my other platforms bc I'm so slay

og art blog:

Will wood blinky is made by @skelpiescool

Deny defend depose blinky made by me :3 if you use mine please credit btw, not "credit to the artist" that's not credit

[blue-thief]

@galaxynajma here are the actor/artist/writer isakainess hcs i mentioned earlier 🫡 (this got wayy longer than i was expecting it to be so it's basically a fic outline atp

kaiser started off as a child actor which explains... everything

when he was really young he popped up in a few roles for some pretty big movies

his biggest role as a kid though came when he was about ten where he played a big supporting character in a long-running kids' sitcom (think stuff like hannah montana, icarly, etc)

he's more or less cut off contact with his parents but he was fortunate to get a hold of his money once he turned 18

he's since moved out, rents out his own modest apartment, and he's shown up in a few moderately successful things

he's far from being an a-list actor but he's got a decent following

even though most people wouldn't be able to recognize his face, he can mention the stuff he's been in and people will be like "ohh yeah i've heard of that, i've been meaning to check it out"

he usually has to wear makeup to cover up his tattoo. most of his notable roles came before he cut + dyed his hair

his goal is to become an oscar-winning actor and he was able to get the lead role for a really serious film. his new hair just happened to suit the role

meanwhile there's ness the writer

he started off studying something STEM-related to appease his parents. besides, he needs a backup plan just in case the whole writing thing doesn't work out

but he soon dropped out due to being overwhelmed by how intense his competition was

fortunately enough he's still in contact with an ex classmate and he got some money doing copywriting for their side gig's website

on top of that he started submitting flash fiction and poetry to different competitions and magazines like CRAZYYY just to make a little more money

kaiser stumbles across one of his pieces, looks into him a little more, and finds ness's personal blog

he reads up on ness ranting about his parents and how he has no money

at this point kaiser's kinda fallen in love but he doesn't wanna seem too weird

and he reaches out to ness saying, "hey ik this sounds kinda weird but if you really wanna pursue your dreams but you're low on money you can become my roommate"

at first ness is like "wtf is this guy gonna try to kill me"

but he's late on rent and about to get evicted so he's DESPERATE

he agrees to meet kaiser to assess the vibes

and well. obviously ness falls head over heels in love with kaiser

(obv kaiser isn't gonna kill ness but don't follow in ness's footsteps guys you probably won't end up being as lucky)

and it works out great. kaiser's more than happy to cover most of the rent, he's out most of the time filming, and ness just has this bigass apartment where he's got ample space to work

anyway while kaiser's out and about one day he's at this cafe

there's this one worker on break, still in his apron and everything

he's off in the corner doodling something

the worker is isagi

and kaiser notices isagi is drawing HIM

kaiser goes up to him all smug like "wow, are you a fan? you want an autograph?"

and isagi's like "bro idfk who you are i just really liked your tattoo"

they talk a bit and isagi tells kaiser where he can find more of his work

isagi's mostly focused on digital art and commissions but he's also studying animation

kaiser finds his instagram and commissions isagi

"that napkin doodle you made of me was pretty good but i'd love to see how well you can capture my beauty given ample time (and money) ;)"

kaiser quickly becomes isagi's most frequent and highest paying client

you can say he's basically become isagi's (and to an extent ness's) sugar daddy

but kaiser likes to think of himself of those wealthy patrons from the renaissance

kaiser loved swinging by the cafe to ask about isagi's progress on his latest commission

one day he overheard isagi panicking about not being able to pay rent

and kaiser's like "you can move in with me and my roommate if you want"

and well. isagi does exactly that

ness kinda gets all crazy and possessive like "WHO'S THIS HOW DID YOU MEET HIM HOW DO YOU KNOW HE'S NOT-"

suffice to say he and isagi don't get along at first

but kaiser's never home so it's mostly just them on opposite sides of the apartment, sending glares at each other every now and then

it's BECAUSE kaiser is never around that isagi and ness are forced to bond with each other eventually

FUCK THIS POSTED INSTEAD OF GETTING SAVED AS A DRAFT

oh whatever i'll probably make this into a fic and fill in the rest that way 😭😭

[xf-cases-solved]

S2E7: 3

Case: Bro... I don't even know where to start with this one. Before this stats project, I had seen 3 maybe one (1) time before, because I had never had any cause to repeat the experience. I was, however, pleasantly surprised to find that, while it is still just as terrible as I remember (and perhaps even worse), it is terrible in an entertaining way, so at least I enjoyed myself, even though I have no FUCKING idea what the plot was about. 

But I'll try to summarize it the best I can. The X-Files are reopened, which would be cool, except Scully is still missing, and Mulder is handling it... poorly. He is basically running his own self-imposed Russian sleep experiment, so much so that at one point during the investigation, a detective asks him if he's going to his hotel to get some rest, and this fucking edgelord sort of huffs a laugh and says, "I don't sleep anymore." Okay, Mulder.

But right, I haven't even said what he's investigating, have I? Well, I would say that he is investigating [REDACTED], but apparently this episode is following zombie apocalypse rules, because literally no one will say the word [REDACTED] out loud except for mb one scene where Mulder briefly references "[REDACTED] myths." Please keep in mind Mulder once showed Scully a shitty drawing of Bigfoot with tiddies and called it the Jersey Devil, so the word [REDACTED] must be pretty fucking cursed for him not to accuse anyone of being one outright. 

Anyway, something something, there's a trio of [REDACTED] in Los Angeles who are called the Holy Trinity, and they're committing murders that have a religious undertone, I guess? And then there's this other [REDACTED], Kristen, who isn't a part of the trinity, but is the ex of one of the people in the trinity? I think? Or he's the one who turned her into a [REDACTED] when they were doing kinky bloodsport stuff? Bro idfk. I was so distracted by the Everything™️ about this fucking episode to really pay attention to the story. It's about [REDACTED] but no one says the word [REDACTED], and that's all you really need to know.

An LAPD detective offers Mulder some assistance on the case, and Edgelord Mulder says, "I work alone," causing the detective to question why an FBI agent doesn't have a partner and we see all five stages of grief flash across Mulder's eyes, and by all five, I mean only one, and that's depression; in the ONLY scene I can recall the word [REDACTED] even coming up, Mulder rambles at a crime scene pathologist(?) about how he had thought such creatures didn't exist, and the pathologist says, and I quote, "You are really upsetting me, on several levels," which was really fucking funny and I wish more people reacted to him that way; Mulder meets a hot [REDACTED] who tries to feed him blood, and his only reaction is to grab her wrist and shout "AIDS!"; the hot [REDACTED] has a tragic backstory, but unfortunately the hot actress who plays her is not very good at acting so no one cares; and Mulder has a very sad hookup, which goes up in flames the morning after. I mean that literally, by the way.

Does someone die in the cold open: Yes. Some [REDACTED] kill him with hypodermic needles??

Does Mulder present a slideshow: He is all alone again since Krycek went and did that whole "trying to murder him" thing, so nah. But you can't keep Mulder away from his projector forever. I want to believe they will be together again soon.

Does the evidence survive the investigation: Looooool

Whodunit: [REDACTED]

Convictions: Yeah, nah fam.

Did they solve it: I guess I'll give Mulder a "yes, but." Yes, but there's no way he's going to be able to write a meaningful report on whatever the fuck that was, and also they all exploded so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[how do i determine if a case is solved? check the scale here: x]

THIS EPISODE IS SPONSORED BY: Hot Topic or My Chemical Romance or fucking fishnet gloves and eyeliner or something, man, idfk. What the fuck even is this emo-ass episode???

***

General Total Stats:

(green means stat has changed since last ep; red means new stat added to list)

Total Cases *Definitively* Solved So Far: 15 (did you really think mulder could solve a case without scully? i doubt that prior to her arrival in that basement office, mulder ever solved an x-file in his entire goddamn life)

Total Number of "Mulder/Scully, It's Me": 9 (she doesn't have cell service on the spaceship, or wherever the fuck she is)

Total Number of Times Scully Has Conveniently Not Seen Something Crucial: 6 (she didn't seen anything, but it certainly wasn't convenient for her; she probably would have preferred to be dealing with [REDACTED] than going through all of those... well, we'll get to that later)

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Been in Mortal Danger: 11 ½ (if he would have died in this episode i would have lost all respect for him immediately) 

Total Number of Times Scully Has Been in Mortal Danger: 11 (i think as long as we don't know her whereabouts it's valid to consider her as being in mortal danger)

Total Number of Sexually Charged, Uncomfortably Intimate, and/or Flirty Moments Between Friendly Coworkers: 16 (fuck it, if i counted him gazing longingly at the sky last episode, i can count him wearing scully's necklace the entire episode and holding it in his hand and staring at it sadly in this one. someone, somewhere mentioned recently in a text post that he would have had to lengthen the chain for it to fit him the way it does, and that's just ☹️)

Total Number of Autopsies Scully Has Performed On Screen: 5 

Total Number of Times Scully Plays Doctor: 2

Total Number of Times Mulder Talks to an Informant: 19 (oh my GOD how X would have roasted him if he had been in this episode tho. it would have been glorious)

Total Number of Times People Making Out in a Car Are Hurt or Killed: 2

Total Number of Times Someone Correctly Guesses a Password: 3 

Total Number of (Plot Relevant) Nosebleeds: 5

Total Number of Times Mulder Has Tasted/Sniffed/Touched Something Questionable Without Following Proper Safety Procedures: 3 (no, but that mfer came VERY close to eating blood, but thankfully his fear of aids prevented it (and not the fact that it was fucking weird for a stranger to offer you her blood to taste??? ok. i think it is way past your bedtime, mulder))

Total Number of Times Someone Says "Trust No One": 3 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "I Want to Believe": 4 

Total Number of Times Someone Says "The Truth is Out There": 2 

Total Number of Cigarettes Cigarette Smoking Man Has Smoked: 13 

Total Number of Maggie Scully Sightings: 2

Total Number of Lone Gunmen Sightings: 2

Total Number of Alex Krycek Sightings: 3 (no more krycek for right now 😔. but like mulder's projector, i want to believe he will return)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look Up What State the Episode Takes Place in Even Though I Literally Just Watched It: 11½ (i wrote it down, even tho i don't recall doing so)

Total Number of Times I Had to Look at an Episode's Wikipedia Page to Fill This Out Because It Was Fucking Confusing and/or Too Boring for Me to Pay Attention: 6 (this episode is fucking stupid lmfao)

[megaawkwardhuman]

hello hi hey I'm icarus (but I'm also fine with virgo) and welcome to my blog!

idkf how you got here but uhhh congrats?

also sorry if parts of the gif look weird idfk how to fix it

I'm a neurodivergent artist who talks about gay vampires (wwdits) a lot!

I do have other interests tho like ofmd, hannibal, re-animator, interview with the vampire, the band ghost, the world of mr plant, south park, and so much more (it's just that wwdits is just what I think about the most)

things I've made:

I've written a few fic before and one can be found on my blog! it's a post season 4 nandermo fic and here's a link if you wanna check it out :)

as for the rest can be found on my ao3 here! (I'm not going to move the post season 4 fic there mainly cause idk if I really wanna)

I made a uquiz a while ago that basically tells you what you would be if you where in the wwdits universe (a vampire, a familiar. an energy vampire etc)

I have an instagram that I just post my art to and that's really it

things I like to make:

as you can probably gather by now I primarily do pixel art but I also like to doodle/sketch with good old pencil and paper

I make a LOT of kandi (primarily singles) buuut I don't really post it on here (I mean unless someone asks me to I'm more than willing to share)

I kinda write? like I've written fics before and I DO have a bunch of wips but it's kinda hard for me to finish a fic due to the fact that I get distracted easily and the fact that I'm really dyslexic (you have no idea how badly I wanna fist fight the english language in a denny's parking lot at 3am)

oh while it's not a medium or anything but I'd like to mention I LOVE to draw characters from the media I like as pastel bunnies! (tho at this current moment it's primarily wwdits characters I draw) is it weird? yeah but I like to so I'm not stopping anytime soon if you want a rough explanation as to why I made a long post about it

fav characters:

guillermo de la cruz from wwdits (seriously I'm fucking feral for this man he's my top blorbo atm! he has my gender in a chokehold and I relate to him A LOT also harvey guillen is just really fucking hot-)

nandor the relentless also from wwdits (not as crazy about him but like he fascinates me and I love his goofy cringefail vibes... HE'S ALSO REALLY HOT-)

dib from invader zim (while I haven't watched invader zim in a while I still consider dib to be a fav! hell he's my fucking profile pic. he's one of the first ever characters in something I've seen that I've related to)

stede from ofmd (he's a huge fucking mood and I too jump into things head first without any plans whatsoever)

argos from twomp (a new addition to my fav character list since I stumbled upon twomp more recently. idk I just like him like go googly eye man date that murderous plant dude! wow that must sound weird to those who don't know what the world of mr plant is XD. it also might have to do with the fact that he's kinda socially awkward)

mr plant from twomp (another new addition. idfk something about that murderous plant I find oddly relatable? I think it's the fact that he's also socially awkward. arguably more than argos)

herbert west from re-animator (idk I think this autistic man with no care for ethics is neat)

I have more but for now those are the ones I'm gonna list :)

other shit:

as I've already said I have dyslexia, I possibly have ADHD (never officially diagnosed buuuuut really fucking confident I do and a past therapist said I most likely do), I keep running into situations where I question if I have autism or not so take that as you will, and despite what it may seem I have really REALLY bad social anxiety (well I have overall anxiety too but let's just say there's a reason I spend a lot of time online and not out and about)

asks as you can already tell are open

DMs are also open (tho I will say it's mainly to mutuals)

WARNING I KEYBOARD SMASH A LOT!

nandermo shipper but I'm fine with other ships involving the two :)

overall I try to be nice on here cuz there's enough negativity out there why add to it? tho key word here is try (I've gone on small rants here before and there's the possibility I will again)

I really REALLY fucking love bats and frogs THEY'RE JUST LITTLE GUYS HOW CAN I NOT?

there will be moments where for one reason or another (sleep deprived, sad, bored, it's a tueday, etc etc) I'll be reminded that oh yeah I fucking love frogs and will just start spam reblogging frog posts so be warned if you see me reblog a frog photo and read the words frog blogging or frog posting in the tags run while you still can (or don't cuz frogs are the best and need to be loved and cherished)

tag stuff:

misc thoughts/ideas/this tag is mainly random shit: throwing up my thoughts onto tumblr again

theories/meta/looking too much into small stuff: word garbage™

answering asks: answering stuff

my art: *funny tag for my art*

bunny art related posts: bun stuff

mothman memo related posts: mothman memo stuff

fanfics I've written: gather around and lend me your time

edits I've made: edit shmedit

memes I've made: brought to you by ms paint

show + tags thing: + tags

all the weekly wwdits sparkle on images: sparkle on it's gay vamp day!!!

posts that involve irl friends of mine: friend chaos

follow for a fuck ton of reblogs, art, and long tangents about whatever takes over my mind atm

thanks for reading, have a nice day, and remember: baby bats are called pups

this has nothing to do with this post I just thought this was important info plus I just wanted to throw in this cute bat image I found on google

[limoncats]

hey, remember the tag on this post?

you know what? i'm gonna explain.

quick apology if the post sounds weird, it is currently 1 minute away from 11 pm as i'm typing this sentence.

ig this is a vent? anyway long post up ahead so !!

also apologies if this sounds stupid.

btw this post is not a self-diagnosis post

TWs for: mentions of self-h@rm, discussion of trauma

if these trigger you, don't read this! or do, but just be warned.

okay, so,

am i disabled?

alright, so am i physically disabled? no, not to my knowledge.

am i mentally disabled? i have no official diagnosis, but i am speculating. the speculation in question? this whole post

i have speculations that i have Asperger's Syndrome and possible selective mutism

Asperger's Syndrome

okay so. let me show you the symptoms and i'll explain

according to nationwidechildrens.org, the symptoms for Asperger's are:

i'll go over each one and tell you my experiences with each

now uh. i don't actually know what this means ;; but if this counts, i'll put it here: whenever i'm supposed to say basic things like "good morning," or "thank you," i can't seem to verbally? like the words don't seem to be able to come out of my mouth. it actually is more like that i don't even think to say them, so i don't. i remember this whole thing resulted in a fucking argument i had with my mother and her friend JUST because i didn't say good morning to him. as you can imagine, it was pretty traumatic. i think this may actually be more of "struggling to understand social cues," but eh.

i– yeah i can understand emotions usually (if i can clearly see it/tell based off of a person's facial expression what emotion they're feeling.) and i think my expressiveness is fine? idfk however kill me.

i can understand gestures just fine, unless i don't clearly understand what the person means? it's like if my mum points to something but i don't know where she's pointing to because i can't tell (and then she gets mad at me ;;). it might just be a thing on my mum's part but honestly i don't fucking know.

yes! irl the only thing i talk about with my school friends is CoAD since they like it too, and it's usually super awkward when i try to talk to an irl friend who doesn't know/enjoy CoAD so ;; and if they don't, sometimes i tell them about it and keep rambling on and on about it. now regarding the "convos revolving around them," part, i'm also pretty sure that's a yeah too? like yk when i ask a question like "guys what (insert thing here) am i"? i feel that i do that pretty frequent and i think it counts so ?

nah i think my speech is fine

mfw CoAD

auhhh???? i don't know i don't have memory of it so i think no

uh. if getting mad at my mum for making me do chores while i'm having fun either watching a video, talking to friends or drawing counts then uh. yeah

oh ofc. like i memorised how tall Wadanohara's familiars (Memoca, Dolphi, Fukami and Samekichi) are and when Yonaka's birthday is instead of memorising what the word "verbatim" means (it took me some time to memorise)

i don't think i'm that clumsy + my handwriting is fine and it's easy to write so

ohhhh Hm. so i can hold emotions pretty fine (it does sorta hurt to hold in so much anger) but sometimes they do come out a little and i end up like punching my thighs or something. it's happened at school before (yes, i've actually punched my thighs out of anger before)

uhhhhhhh??????? i feel like i'd have to get reeeeally specific for this one and i'm not feeling it right now

now to lights and touch i'm fine, but sound? lemme explain. so i can listen to like a video at (somewhat) loud volume while at home, but if i overhear like loud music coming from a club i get uncomfortable and i sometimes cry

so that's that for the Asperger's part, now let's move on to:

Selective mutism

i'll format it basically the same as the previous section so.

according to NHS, symptoms of selective mutism are:

"characterised by a sudden stillness and frozen facial expression when they're expected to talk to someone outside of their comfort zone" is so real ngl

anyway

yeah i do get nervous. i assume i look so too

my mum tells me i come off as rude, she says like, "hey you can't just stay silent! that's really rude!" wow mum i feel so much better! (<- lie) also i'm pretty sure i come off as sulky because whenever i frown around my mum's friends, once we're separated for something, my mum always says "suratına asma," which basically means "stop frowning." you have no idea how angry i get when i hear that my god.

nah i'm like. 99.9% sure that i come off as the opposite of clingy

yeah i sometimes describe myself as shy (sometimes is emphasised because i usually don't like calling myself "shy" because it makes me feel cringe.)

i. don't know lol. i guess so yeah? yeah i think so actually

i'm not aggressive (at least not physically or verbally), but i do get pissed when my mum asks me. ofc i don't let it out because i don't want to fucking assault mother

now i didn't include this because i don't think it's a disorder, but whenever i go through something traumatic (or the aftermath of something traumatic), i question if i'm real? like i think i sorta put myself in this sort of delusion that i'm living in a nightmare i can't wake up from whenever i go through something traumatic

also i hate looking in a mirror due to questioning who i'm looking at

i still question who i was looking at in the mirror that one day to this day.

i'm not sure if this is dissociation because i don't understand the definition of dissociation, or if it's part of a disorder. i did suspect DPDR, but i don't know i don't think so ? i'm also not sure if this is just puberty with the whole "questioning who you are" thing (though i think that's in terms of identity, not fucking questioning your REALITY 💀)

have i tried getting a diagnosis?

yes, i have, actually, so let me explain:

i wrote a text document to my dad about my speculations on having Asperger's, but he just laughed it off and said "i've met people with autism and you're NOTHING like them haha!!!" which was just. okay dad.

he suggested i tell my mother and i agreed

now this is when things go downhill 😭😭

so i told my mum when i went back to hers and she also basically had a similar response but she agreed to get it diagnosed one day.

then some time later she tells me that i might have to wait 2 years to get my diagnosis so 💀💀💀

and then one day i start telling her that one of my school classmates recommend talking therapy and all of a sudden she gets all hostile like "why do you need to label yourself? what difference does it make? it's unnecessary" which is VERY funny considering this woman is a FUCKING SOCIOLOGY LECTURER WITH A PHD.

we've had a couple arguments about it and it still pisses me off. she even practically made fun of me to her friend's husband when i went to The Netherlands last week and she was like, "yeah i think her generation has a weird obsession with needing to label themselves?" mum do you hear yourself. oh i'm sorry i want to improve my mental health by knowing what's up with me and attempting to get support.

SPEAKING of trying to get support once diagnosed, during one of our arguments over if diagnosis really does anything at all, in response to her saying, "what do you do with it?", i said, "i can well. try and get support ??" and then HER ASS responds with, "THERE IS NO SUPPORT."

FUCK YOU MEAN THERE IS NO SUPPORT???? YOU'RE A SOCIOLOGIST YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THERE IS.

i haven't told either of my parents of my speculations for having selective mutism, though i feel it'll just go the same as what happened with the Asperger's shit so

i think my parents just have stereotypes of autism that i don't fall into so thErEfoRE YoU'Re noT aUtistiC!!!!11!1!!

anyway so that's practically it. thanks for reading what absolute insanity i've gotten myself into, and also what state my mental health is in!!! (ofc this isn't the entirety of my mental health lol.)

have a good day/afternoon/evening/night ♡

— limoncats

[deafenedsaltwater]

Dear my uhh random thoughts blog,

My thought process when writing this ask, step by step breakdown

Uhh we start of with "Dear you," this is so I can sign the letter off with a clarification that this was written in admiration

The next bit of me going "the uh" and trying to articulate was my first draft and what I said in my head, trying to explain how the animaticlock art makes me feel

Saying "it has to be eaten" is important to the rest of it, wunderbar for a little fun and stuff

That next bit is a texture/flavor profile of the artist art style. Butter with brown sugar and very cat-like gravy (I call one of my cats gravy as a nickname, saying it's like gravy is referencing pretty Mr. Zero, who has all the traits of a russian blue but was not bred specifically to be one. This encompasses several things- russian blues are also called 'mona lisa' cats because they have a permanent smile, something the art makes me feel, and the art itself shows (animatic and other smiling sillies)

Sustaining my family for generations just means I'll revisit your profile every so often for a while in like,,, to eat new art. Basically it's another play on 'eating art' where uhh it there's enough to last a while. It's a silly compliment,, makes sense in my head but hard to articulate without just sayjng "heehheeh me when the art is a stockpile heeeehhe I must feed"

Middle-aged men named Joe. Uh. I said Amen, tried to think of a basic kind of name I think would have a lot of religious people with that name without using my father's name. Middle-aged because I think it would just be like. Kindd of to specify? Imagine if every Middle-aged man named joe had a vision and went to stand in the backyard of their house (which is in a cultesac idfk how to spell that ok just imagine common white neighborhood that hosts barbecues every Sunday) and held their arms out to their side and prayed in unison for your health and safety

10:43 PM I was originally going to write in military time but I uhh thought that was too odd. It's basically the first time that came to mind, I hadd to think of a time because 1. Clock itft 2. For extra pizzazzfull spice oh also PM because it was nighttime already when I wrote that

As for the last bit, drawings are weird, man. It's just a collection of lines put together in such a way that it reminds you of a place or animal, and tricks your brain into pattern recognition. Over time, we've taken this to the extreme where you can draw a circle with two little half moons on top on either side and a little T in the middle and people will say "oh thats a clock". I fucking LOVE how crazy wild the human mind goes to fill in the blanks, it's the main reason we're afraid of the dark, because we'll see faces where there aren't any because we're looking for them. I was thinking a lot about dreams when I originally wrote that ask, as I always am, so "hallucinations" was the best way to susinctly hold on sesinctly? Sisinctly what the hell is that word I've only ever said it in spoken conversation. What are you a combination of, oh beautiful, tantalizing syllables. Suuhh sync t ly Susinctly was that actually how you spell it. It sounds like how it should be spelled give me a minute

SUCCINCTLY??? That is NOT how that should be spelled. That looks like suck ink t ly. I'm disappointed in you, English. Learn how to sound out your own words before you come thoroughly crying throughout the tough, troubled, academically disastrous, truancy filled times. ENGLISHM, I WILL GET YOU!!!! I WILL!!!!!!! GGRGGRGHHH

Slightly succinct sobs sought-after, me

Dear you,

Me with your when you and the uh the your art with the clock and and animaticlock when it has to be eaten so wunderbar

I love the joyous godly gravy and butter cubes you produce it will sustain my family for many winters to come amen amen may every middle aged man named Joe bless you in unison tonight at uhh 10:43 PM

Love you, mate. Keep on producing the linework placed together strung into gay hallucinations.

Sincerest admiration, me

HELLO .? LMFAOO I have no idea what you said but i will take this as a good thing so yaayyy 💗

[comfy-sofa]

IM LOSING MY FUCKING M I N D

IM NOT OK AND NEITHER ARE YOU AFTER THIS EPISODE

Vashmeryl fans, y'all are getting FED TODAY GOOD FOR YALL

HIS FUCKING HAIR OUR BOY IS BACK AND SPIKIER THAN EVER

The whole fucking fight sequence mmhhhh DELICIOUS the whole entire time I was screaming BEAT HIS ASS BEAT HIS ASSSS DO IT FOT ROBERTO

Ok, the fact that Vash kinda knows how to use his abilities and condense into the fucking rubic cube is kinda dope

Also during the fight, DID VASH FUCKING BITE KNIVES???? IM FUCKING LOSING IT (peak sibling behavior)(edit: yes he fucking did dhvswrrvbn)

First off, the outfit change??? Like all his shit is black and the fucking BLACK WINGS YESS PLANT BOY SLAY

Also THE SPEED RELOADER???? DID HE HAVE THAT SHIT ENTIRE TIME???? At least he has it lmao

Fucking about time Wolfwood you fucking helped COTDAMN (also the run sequence with him stepping on the police officer mhmm good shit)

THE ANGEL ARM IM FUCKING CUMMING I LOVE ITS DESIGN

Knives KNIVES GET OUT THE FUCKING BEAM YOUR GETTING ROASTED LIKE A MARSHMALLOW (really out here giving me 'get out the fucking tank' vibes like)

Speaking of this scene, we finally get to see Vash fucking cry....I'm not ok

Oh my God, Vash just turned himself into a goddamm METEOR SIR ARE YOU OK???

Well RIP July and Mr. Police dude

Oooh two year time skip and my boy got his bouty back!

MILLY MILLY MILLY MILLY MILLY (also refreshing to the insurance company👍)

ERIKS AND LINA I CANT WAIT TO GET MY HEART RIPPED OUT

EARTH EARTH FUCKING WERE GETTING THE EARTH STORY FROM TRIMAX THANK FUCK (Also heyyy chronica)

Looks like season 2 is also confirmed! Dude, this was a journey and a half. I'm really glad that orange went the prequel route, and we got to see what led up to July's destruction. We actually get to see a glimpse of what the cast could've been like prior to the events of Trigun/TriMax.

Fuck I'm glad stampede was a thing in the first place, or I wouldn't have watched the anime or read the manga. Like fuck this is really a piece of media that sticks with you y'know? Like how the fuck am I gonna move on now? Like it's been a while since I thought of creating fanart or just rant on it because it's so fucking good. Like if I could ever create something like Trigun, something that sticks with people, like that would be a great accomplishment. Sure, there were some ups and downs (maybe I'll do like a legit review post, idk) but fuck I had a good time!

Now this post is getting long so I'm just gonna end it with that I'm glad I let orange cook and I can't wait for season 2

Peace and Love y'all ✌️

[junosartsthetic]

Rohan Headcanons

Here’s eight pages of Rohan shit I wrote late at night. I should stop doing that. But alas, I won’t.

Okey

HeS a lil shit

That’s canon

But

He’s also kinda 🥺🥺

Heavens door also is 🥺🥺

if Rohan isn’t in the mood to give affection heavens door will gladly hug you for hOUrs

like

It’ll just nestle up against your chest and sorta,,,, fall asleep almost?

N ur like Rohan it’s asleep on my tits

N he’s like,,,, god I wish that were me…. I mean,,,, uhh,,, fuckin sucks 4 you guess you’ll just suffer

he likes drawing you

lol sketches on napkins n such

He just likes lookin at ur face

🥺🥺🥺🥺

He also has a pen somewhere lost in his hair

He keeps it there just in case his other ones get lost

Somehow

Even tho he’s got so fuCKin many

Also he lovEs learning things!

He’ll pick up a book about anything and read it just because

He’ll try to impress u with weird n random facts

Most of the time it doesn’t work

he likes when you mess with his hair

On the outside he’s like

DOnt fuckin touCh me but on the inside he’s like,,,, oooo head scritches r niceeeee

He believes he has an exceptional sense of style and doesn’t take criticism

He wears silk pajamas

But only sometimes

99% of the time he sleeps in his clothes because he passes out from exhaustion mid-drawing

Rohan also likes writing

Just lil things

Poems n such

He’s rather sentimental about certain things

He likes to go to libraries even though he’s got a bunch of books at home because he believes it allows him to better absorb the information he needs

He hates off brand things

It’s a maJor pet peeve

“What the hell is this?”

“What do you mean? They’re pop tarts?”

“THESE ARE NATURALLY FLAVORED FROSTED BROWN SUGAR CINNAMON TOASTER PASTRIES GREAT VALUE BRAND™️!”

“Yeah, pop tarts.”

“JAHDHWHXUWUDUWHDGWG”

He likes to wear slippers

Bunny slippers

They’re cute

He got heavens door a lil pair of them

Gotta match, ya know?

He picks at his eyelashes when he’s nervous

You gotta tell him to stop or else he’s gonna have to wear falsies

That makes him quit for a little while at least

He once accidentally stabbed himself with a pen but refused to go to Josuke for help

He’s still got a scar from it

his house has a basement but he’s never gone down to it

Too scary

He just says he has no use for it

Lies!

He’s a scaredy-cat

He can play quite a few instruments

He can also sing

He sings in the shower

It’s not half bad but his song choices tend to be awful

“STOP FUCKING SINGING ‘I KISSED A GIRL’ IN THE SHOWER OVER AND OVER! ITS SEVEN IN THE MORNING AND IM SICK OF IT!”

He’s got an embarrassing tattoo somewhere

Probably something stupid like a butterfly on his calf

He pretends it doesn’t exist

He used to read random people’s memories with heavens door when bored or uninspired but after a mortifying memory he read he stopped doing that

He once had a coo-coo clock but smashed it because it was getting on his nerves

he hates the sound of gum chewing

It’s the worst™️ to him

he sometimes forgets to shower

Nasty

But when he does shower it is extra™️

He takes reaaaaally long showers

And sings, as established

what the fuck does he even do in there?

Idfk

It’s a secret

He orders takeout because he can’t fucking cook

He’s trash at it

He tries

But he just can’t do it

he tends to make faces when he draws

It’s hilarious

He once drank 17 five hour energies to see what would happen

He doesn’t remember what happened

He awoke 2 days later in the hospital

he enjoys playing scrabble but only because everyone who plays against him ends up crying in anger when they lose

He owns a bunch of record players for the aesthetic™️

Doesn’t use them like ever

Owns like 3 records that he will play once in a blue moon

Everything he does is for the aesthetic™️ tbh

He likes to be held

But only under certain circumstances 

Do nOT touch when he is in the middle of drawing something intense

He will turn around and sMAck you with his pen (on purpose or accident? Idk)

He’s clingy

He’s needy

He’s whiny

He’s like a puppy

But with the ego of a cat

He’ll be actively spooning you but assures you he is nOt having the time of his life

Eventually he admits he likes hugs n human contact

But at first it’s like trying to give a cat a bath

Yikes™️

Speaking of baths… bath time!

He likes baths

They’re nice

Bubble baths

They help him think 

And he likes to mess with the bubbles

He likes the smell of candles too

You normally buy him candles in special occasions 

He loves them

Most of the time

Occasionally he will despise the scent but keep the candle around anyway because he feels bad throwing away a gift

Well, a gift from his s/o

Anyone else he’ll tOss that sucker into the trash

The gift— not the gift giver

Maybe

If it’s Josuke— he’s in the dumpster 

Uhhhh

Slightly nsfw but uhh,,,

Boob stress balls?

Nice

It’s a win-win situation tbh

soft, moldable, attached to someone he loves

Amazing

You’ve gotten used to it tbh

Whatever calms him down

Also he likes when you kiss his forehead before going to bed

He’ll be staying up to finish something and you’ll kiss him good night and leave your chapstick on his forehead and he just—

Makes him feel loved

He won’t admit it though

you usually initiate the affection

Sometimes he’ll hold your hand or something in public

In private he’ll be more outgoing but deny it means anything

“What, no I didn’t mean to touch your ass it was an accident”

“You’re still touching my ass”

“It’s still an accident”

you two also get in realllly stupid arguments 

“Did you open this door?”

“What?”

“Did you open it?”

“Why would I open the basement door?”

“Did you?”

“No!”

“Liar!”

“Why would I lie about that?”

he’s a blanket hog

Also loves his pillows

He wears a lil sleep mask to bed

It’s cute

he unironically has a hydro flask

It keeps his water cold

He finds the jingling of the ice in it annoying though

I think he wouldn’t enjoy digital art because he can’t feel the paper and the ink and it’s not as personal

he likes eating ramen

Even though it’s terrible for him

If you look closely there are little stains on his papers

It’s ramen broth

But it’s convenient and he can’t cook for shit so it’s what he eats

He acts all refined but he’s not if you look closely

He’s got a reallly messy closet I bet

He tries to keep organized but it’s difficult!

He likes drawing birds

Idk why

Birb

He’s got a framed picture of you on his desk

He looks at it when he’s feeling stressed

It usually calms him down and gets him ready to work

you’ve nude modeled for him a couple times

Half the time he’s not even sketching

You don’t care though

Seeing his suave facade and expression be replaced with red cheeks and stifling coughs is cute

By the end you just give him a kiss and then it leads to—

The nsfw is for later

anyway

He’s tried to get you to draw

But anything you draw he criticizes so harshly that you’ve sworn off showing him your drawings 

You know he’s doing it to help you

But it still hurts

you’ll sometimes help shading things in his manga

It’s the only thing he trusts you to do

But only on minor panels

And in small patches

But you still get credit as a background artist so you’re happy

You paint his nails a lot

He doesn’t mind

his favorite color is a dark green like his hair, though he also enjoys gold to match his stand

[bekahdoesnerdshit]

cog! indifference because I feel like that’s not a very cog thing she tends to feel. also: disgust! enthusiasm! raini: panic! mischief! ............ lust??? for auriga: frustration... excitement... boredom! ayen: anxiety, confusion!

Already answered disgust and enthusiasm for Cog, and mischief for Raini! Great minds, great minds, the group chat shares one braincell, etc. etc. 

Cog

Indifference: I think Cog struggles to process and express a lot of negative emotions, because she’s made such a conscious choice to repress put them out of her mind in pursuit of positivity. But she can get angry! She can get snippy because she’s stressed and hasn’t slept enough! But even then, even though the emotion is negative, at least she’s feeling and doing something. She’s taking a stand! She’s acting in defense of something she believes in! Indifference, though? It’s passive, it’s an inaction, it’s giving up. She has a bleeding heart, she isn’t capable of just turning that off and deciding she doesn’t care. If Cog gets to the point of indifference, it’s because she’s physically and emotionally exhausted. There’s too many morally gray choices she’s being forced to make, and there’s never a “right” answer, and everything she does hurts someone who doesn’t deserve it. Cog’s indifference is head down, shoulders hunched, tired eyes and still, folded hands. It’s pulling back from the conversation around her and letting the rest of the party decide the right course of action instead of weighing in and trying to steer them toward a more morally upstanding decision. She’s tired, and there’s no time to rest, and there’s no objective “good” to push toward. What does it matter what decision they make in the face of that? 

Raini

Panic: Flighty! If I had to pick one word- which I do not because as yesterday’s ask proved I have never in my life heard of “brevity”- panicked Raini is flighty. Whether that just means skittish in the moment, moving quickly from spot to spot as things Spook her, or if that means leaving the situation entirely with a Dimension Door or Teleport, she is not going to stay in one place very long at all. Her movements when she talks get a lot more jerky and abrupt, and she loses most of her intentionally cultivated air of aloofness evaporates. I don’t think it comes to this very often! I think it takes a lot to rattle Raini to the point of panic. But, you know, again. Sometimes you kill the goddess of magic, or whatever. Sometimes you’re staring down the barrel of an attack you know you won’t survive, and you have enough time to whip around to face your party with wide eyes before the blade of a sword that’s nearly as long as you are tall sinks home in your stomach, and you have just a second to panic because. What if this is the end? Are the others going to try to help you? Why would they? They don’t have to! I think, of just about every emotion, panic is the one Raini hates the most. You’re helpless, it means you’ve lost your head, and you’re just grossly out of control of the situation. Pass! Hard fucking pass!!! Lust: You just want to know how she acts when Ecstasy is visiting and that’s Fair but you have to own it.  Raini who’s trying to Get some is honestly like. Essentially unrecognizable. Y’all know that “oh, with the horns!! you’re so funny!” text post? But like, for real. And maybe 40% sarcastic? She’s SO more touchy than she usually is, especially on the bicep or upper thigh if they’re sitting down. Lots of lip biting, lots of stolen glances through eyelashes, and honestly? I think she’s very much the type of person to just circle while she flirts. We’re playing coy a little, but we’re also moving a little closer on each pass, so read into that what you will. Also! It’s definitely a competition to her, in a weird way? Like she’s super pale, so any amount of blushing shows up super clearly, but she will Not acknowledge it because that is losing. Somehow. Even though we all know how the night ends anyway. And while there are no losers when it comes to having sex with someone who is very hot very sensual very sexy, Raini does Not generally get to maintain her pride to the extent she would like to those nights. Is that too much information? Maybe so! But you asked, So! (Also again I Know this is non-verbal BUT such a big part of Raini flirting is banter. What’s the point of spending time on someone who already can’t keep up with you outside the bedroom?)

Auriga

Frustration: I think, in an incredibly ambitious and unprecedented move, I have finally created a character who is a wellspring of patience. He’s an elf, a cleric, a ruler, and a middle child. Technically. He has a fuse, because everybody does, but it’s probably literally about a mile long. But like, as a result? When it’s done, he’s done. He finally gets fed up trying to explain something to someone? Well, that’s it. His expression is still placid and pleasant, because he was Raised Well, but he’s written them off entirely. Too stupid to make understand, to slow to bother with. He’s had too much of a frustrating situation? It’s hopeless. There’s nothing to be done about it. Someone else is going to have to take care of it. He pulls back entirely behind manners and decorum, smiles politely but coldly, and excuses himself from the situation as soon as is respectable. Excitement: Aww this was so sweet to think about. Generally, Auriga is a pretty reserved person! The centuries of High Expectations (and a seven charisma) will do that to you! Can’t put your foot in your mouth if you don’t open it in the first place! But when he’s excited, he lights up. You get a real, not practiced smile, and soft touches on your forearm or shoulder. Still respectable!! But small, fleeting moments of intimacy, urging the other person to be as excited as he is about what is, in fairness, probably some pretty lame shit. I think he’s also very likely to default to drawing pictures to explain whatever he’s talking about so that the other person can see exactly what he means. Someone who engages and asks the right questions can absolutely get him to talk for hours about a given topic, when before that they may have heard barely a handful of words from him. Boredom: I’m making this character choice now and I may come to regret it when we start to actually play but I don’t care: Auriga’s default when he’s bored is to start to doze off. Like, has he had a lot of practice sitting in council meetings for long hours, debating circles around the same topic without making much, if any, progress? Sure! But that’s, bless him, something he finds interesting. Somehow. If it’s something he has absolutely zero interest in though (like, for example, a stuffy, boring play he’s obligated to attend out of professional courtesy? hypothetically) I think he’ll try to focus for a while? Because he was raised right, he has manners. But eventually his chin finds its way to his palm, and his eyes start to droop, and idk if mechanically elves can sleep and just don’t or if he’s just trancing in the middle of a public place (which I guess would be less conspicuous, technically?) but our boy is No Longer Paying Attention. 

Ayen

Anxiety: Anxious Ayen is fidgety. Bounce the leg! Continually summon and dismiss various small hexblade weapons! Open your hand, close it around the handle of a dagger. Open it agin and let the dagger disappear in a puff of smoke, close it again around a weird crooked sickle. Open your hand and let the sickle disappear, close it again around-- And so on, and so forth. I think she gets worked up really easily when she’s anxious, gets kinda jumpy, and is definitely ready to shoot off at a moment’s notice to go do whatever there is to do that will get rid of or distract from her anxiety.  (Also I know the original prompt was ‘non-verbal’ but it’s important to me that you know that she for sure talks to herself when she’s anxious, like. “Okay Ayen, you got this. We have no clue what the Fuck is going on, but we’re gonna pull it together and take it the fuck out. Alright? Alright.”) Confusion: Ayen is that classmate you sit next to in like some fuckoff high level math class, and the professor is talking and you realize you have No idea what they’re talking about? And you look over at Ayen to see if she can clarify anything, and she’s already writing “bro idfk” on the corner of her notes for you to read. If Ayen’s confused she’s gonna default to thinking it’s funny, because like. Can’t look stupid if you’ve decided the stuff you don’t understand is stupid first! So she’ll laugh, and shrug real big, and make a show of not caring what’s going on, because that saves face. That’s dumbshit nerd stuff, she is Way too cool for that.

[1apple-fox1]

This is a thing 1/idfk dude

posting it on fanfiction.net didnt go over well cause i got too scared and i d ont really w ant critiques i guess c ause i already really really hate the way i write and would love not to feel any shittier so uh-

this is for Monster!Minato/Makoto I have him named Makoto in this one so i can tell the two apart better- this is basically the intro i guess and uhhhh- enjoy??

also i dont have ao3 sorry if its hard to read....

"Iwatodai, Iwatodai," the not so enthusiastic voice sang on the train speakers. Makoto sighed- after what felt like forever he was here... Again. His brows knitted together into an expression of annoyance, or maybe even slight anger? Sometimes even he had problems thinking what emotion he could possibly be experiencing. But he knew, he wished he could have been anywhere but here.

After walking out into the open walk way he stopped. It was rather dead now that he was paying attention. He pulled out his phone. 11:59 PM... It was almost time for...

Just as he thought about it the time changed to 12:00 AM, only for everything to suddenly stop. The world gained a sickly green hue, and everyone around him had ceased to move, transmogrifying into coffins. Another night, another dark hour... With a solemn sigh he pushed onwards, the sights, the blood, the everything- this wasn’t new to him anymore.

There was a sort of sticky splashing noise as he stepped onto one of the many 'bloody' puddles on the streets, but he didn't really care. Looking up at the building before him, it was... smaller than he thought it would be. He thought to himself, looking over his hastily made map one last time. "This is it." He spoke aloud, almost as if trying to convince himself this was indeed the dorm he was assigned. With one last breath he pushed the door open to be met with...

A girl?

The auburn haired girl hummed as she finished signing a sheet of paper and closing the book. She looked around in her small bag, placing the pen back as she finally noticed the new guest. "Oh!" She seemed rather surprised by his sudden appearance. "Man, I didn't even hear you there, that's some major sneaking talent you got there!"

Makoto wore a dumbfounded expression before responding with a quick "Sorry I guess," shrugging the whole ordeal off, and in the process sounding as un-genuine as he could while apologizing. He eyed the place the paper was, only to see that whatever the girl has signed had disappeared now too. "Anyways I guess that means this is a unisex dorm, pretty cool huh?"

"Uh-"

"Who's there!?"

The third voice yelled, with obvious panic laced throughout her words. While the dark hour was known for being dark, Makoto always found it pretty easy to see, and by the stairs indeed there was a third figure, wearing some sort of pink uniform top. "Don't tell me, you're-!" Without even a warning the girl pulled out a gun.

"W-wait hold on a minute!" The auburn haired one spoke up, now even she was panicking. "We're students! ordinary students and-"

"Takeba wait-!"

A fourth voice now, called from the stairs. Just as she had interrupted the lights, the TV, his headphones. Everything came on again- everything was back to normal.

Meanwhile the situation’s tension lessened. The red head explained who they were.

"Oh um..." The pink clad girl almost seemed embarrassed now. "Well my name's Yukari Takeba. Sorry for uh-"

"So why do you have a gun?" The auburn hair girl interjected, Yukari seemed taken aback by the sudden comment.

"Well um, it's- sorta like a hobby of mine-"

"A hobby?" Makoto finally spoke, there was something odd about calling a gun a 'hobby' of all things.

Yukari looked like she had just been cornered by some wild animal when she heard him ask the question. "I-It's um-"

"For protection," The red head chimed in. "You can never be too careful in times like these."

He nodded. Despite his questioning before, Makoto had all but run out of caring for this situation.

"Fine, I buy it-" The auburn haired girl spoke. She wore a cheeky grin, and despite how big it was it was hard to tell what exactly she was thinking. "Well, Yukari and..." She gestured to the red head, while she finally reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh-" It took her a bit to understand why the younger girl had stopped. "Mitsuru Kirijo- a third year- And you, if I remember correctly by your file, are-"

"Hey, hey! You can't just take away my introduction like that!" The auburn hair girl interjected in a childish manor."I'm Kotone Shiomi, second year, and new to this area!"

"Oh hey, uh- me too-" Yukari spoke up, and when she did it was almost an instant match in friendship heaven. The next thing he knew the two girls were hoping to be in the same class as they both walked to- what he assumed- was their rooms.

It was just him and Mitsuru now. With a cough to draw in his attention Mitsuru started again. "And you are Makoto Yuki, correct?"

He nodded. Whether he meant to or not though his posture and lack of an audible response made him come across as rude to the senior, though she didn't dare say anything. "Come, I'll show you to your room."

Without a word he followed Mitsuru up the stairs and down the hall in silence, the tapping of shoes on the carpet was the only audible noise. But even that came to a stop as they reached the end of the hallway. "Floor one, last door on the right shall be your room." She forced a pair of keys into his hand. "While I do have extras try not to lose those keys, I wouldn't want to be seen as unreliable."

Unreliable?

Without another word Mitsuru walked back down the stairs- she must have something else to do still...

With a click and a turn of the door knob he opened his room. The first thought that came to his head was "Bland" and really that was an understatement, aside from the essentials like a bed, and a desk there was barely anything in the room. Not even his boxes filled much space. Makoto sighed, shutting the door behind him. With a quick change he hopped into bed- and tried his best to sleep.

___________________________

The clacking of the train wheels were audible over Makoto’s blaring music. He sighed trying to turn the volume up- even though he already knew he had it at max.

Yukari was talking to both him and Kotone, but of course he couldn't hear a word she was saying over his own music. Makoto saw them both looking at something through the window and without realizing, he felt his own gaze shift to the window.

A tall white building sat on the horizon, almost blinding him as the sun reflected off it. It stung his eyes, letting out a wince he couldnt help but start rubbing at his eye, like doing so would relieve the pain. Of course it didn't.

“...”

“... Hey-”

“Hey!”

Kotone practically screamed in his ear after removing his headphones. But his expression remained pretty neutral even as Kotone stared at him, wearing a pouty expression. What was a surprise to him was when the girl removed his headphones. (He could have sworn he heard a giggle come from Yukari.) “You know both of us are trying to speak with you you know? It’s not nice to ignore a girl like that!”

“I don’t really care-”

“Don’t really-! Yukari’s being nice enough to show us around and you don’t care!?” It was obvious the girl was mad with him, her pouty almost playful face had turned into a full on scowl.

“Hey Kotone- it’s fine he’s taken them off so-”

“So what? He’s still a jerk- and I just realized I don’t even know this jerks name!”

Yukari was practically clinging onto Kotone at this point. “Just drop it ok? We’re almost there anyway-” She pleaded with the headstrong girl. And indeed she was right- the train screeching to a halt, announcing their stop clearly. But Kotone still glared at the boy.

“Don’t think this is over punk-!”

And with that she ran for the exit with Yukari close behind.

He suppose he should get off as well… Makoto took his sweet time departing the train. He tried to stay away from Kotone as much as possible, not to be kind or even out of fear of being yelled at, but because he knew he had pissed her off. Staying away for now would be for the best… Probably… People were hard to read…

_______________________________________________________________

The school was like a confusing maze to him, when he thought he was headed the right way to the office he’d find himself in a courtyard, he briefly wondered if maybe finding a teacher to tell them ‘hey I’m the new student’ would be too much of a hassle.

After asking around he had finally found it, sliding open the door to the faculty office he was greeted by-

Of course, of course she was here too, it was her first day too wasn’t it? She scowled at him as she left, no Yukari in sight… Huh, odd. Then again their friendship was new.

“Ah, then you must be the other transfer student-” A woman sang from the back as she looked over sheets of paper she had laid out on her clipboard. “Makoto Yuki yes?”

He nodded.

“You’re in… Class F, that’s my class- oh yes I’m miss Toriumi. I look forward to having you in my home room!” She extended her hand for a handshake. The boy took it reluctantly. She quickly went back to the notes, skimming a page or two. “You’ve sure moved around a lot, more than I expected from only a second year but-” She looked back at the notes one last time. “Let’s see… In 1999. That was- what ten years ago? Your parents-” She cut herself off with a gasp.

This always happened- no matter where he went people brought this up, and even though his face stayed rather stoic, Makoto felt an odd mix of emotions.

Sadness.

Anger.

Regret.

He felt himself straining to keep his usual composure, hearing it never got easier…

“I’m- I’m so sorry, I’ve been so busy I didn’t have time to read this before hand.”

“Can you just, take me to my homeroom now?” His straightforward answer seemed to throw his new homeroom teacher for a loop, she wore an expression of annoyance before immediately softening up.

“Of course, sorry for my earlier blunder.” She spoke and headed toward the door, Makoto following close behind.

________________________________________________________________

When he entered the classroom went silent. “Good morning class!” Toriumi called. “I have two new transfer students to introduce today-” She gestured to someone in the corner, when Kotone stepped up with a peppy step Makoto’s suspicions were confirmed. “Now go on and introduce yourselves-”

Without a second of delay Kotone blurted out a happy go lucky “Hi! My name’s Kotone Shiomi- I Like cute things and the color orange!” Every boy in the class seemed enamoured, while Makoto just sighed like he’d had enough of this already.

“Ah right, you may take a seat near… Ah! The empty desk behind Yukari there-!”

“You got it teach!” And she skipped off and took her seat, she was probably happy to be sitting beside someone she knew.

“And now it’s your turn.”

“Makoto Yuki. Nice to meet you.” That was it, that’s all he said. The ‘nice to meet you’ tacked on to avoid being yelled at by the teacher. He didn’t even wait for the employee to recommend a seat, simply sitting down on the closest one available… Which happened to be… The one beside her.

Kotone was glaring daggers, and if looks could kill he would definitely be dead by now. No matter how hard he tried to ignore it, it was like some chill that ran up his spine and kept him aware. Man she really hated him didn’t she? For some reason he couldn’t bring himself to care all that much, but the thought about dealing with this every day, at the dorm and at school… Well, it gave him more motivation to at least try and fix things.

________________________________________________________________

The final school bell rung and the teacher dismissed herself and her students, Kotone looked about ready to dash out the door. If he wanted things to get better he’d have to do them now.

“Hey Ko-”

“Sup!” A tall lanky boy greeted from the side. Makoto couldn’t help but be drawn to the sports cap on his head. “So you two’re the new transfer students right? Nice to meet you! The names Junpei Iori!” He wore a friendly grin. “I transferred here while in 8th grade so, I kinda know what you two’re goin’ through… And I thought I’d help you out you know?”

“You sure you’re not just trying to hit on the new girl Iori?” Yukari chimed in before the capped teen could finish what he was saying.

“Yuka-tan!”

The two bickered and Kotone seemed to really be enjoying the energy this kid brought. Makoto though… He felt almost like he was watching from outside his own body, the talking and everything- he wasn’t used to this. Was he being overwhelmed? Or was it because of something else? He knew he couldn’t just leave, he hadn’t even apologize to her yet what was he-

“Hey you OK?” Someone asked him, it was one of the girls but he was so disoriented he couldn’t tell who.

“I…” He began, blinking a couple of times, looking at Yukari’s concerned face, and then Kotone’s. “I’m fine.”He breathed in. “I uh,” He didn’t really think apologizing in front of Iori was the best way to go about this. “I actually have something I’d like to tell Kotone-” He should have sounded more excited but he found himself speaking in that flat tone he always did. “So-”

“Ah I get ya man! You wanna make the move as quick as possible!”

“Junpei!” While the two bickered and complained Yukari still managed to drag Iori out of the room, leaving just him and Kotone.

“So- what’d you wanna say to me?” While there was still a hint of aggression in her voice, after the weird zone out he had earlier she couldn’t help but be a little concerned. She hoped Junpei was wrong and this wasn’t about to be some love confession.

“So- I noticed you’re upset with me-”

“No-! Me?? Upset?” She said sarcastically, Makoto ignored it.

“I have a problem with being… Blunt? I guess you could say?” This was hard, being honest and talking with others was way too hard. “I know I sounded like I didn’t care and that upset you. So I wanted to apologize.” He was trying his best to sound sincere- he was so used to using the same uncaring monotone voice that he knew he probably sounded like he was trying too hard. There was no reply from the girl, at least not at first- he wondered if he had made the situation worse for a second.

The more he looked the more he was confused, she looked as if she was staring at something, but there was nothing where she was staring. And a few blinks and a second later she seemed to snap out of it with a surprised “Oh-!”

“It’s OK! After a while I could tell you’re not really a people person- you prefer to be alone right?”

“Most days- yeah.”

“No problem then!” She wore a genuine smile- Makoto thought this was too easy. That’s all it took? There had to be more… Right? “I should have taken the hint when you had those headphones on I guess- But still Yukari went through all the trouble so it was kinda rude-”

Makoto shrugged, letting out a “My bad.” in response. Kotone wore the same smile,but it was obvious she was thinking of something in that head of hers.

“We should probably get goin’, I hope Yukari isn’t still waiting for us.”

Us?

Before Makoto could register anything else Kotone had grabbed his hand and started dragging him along…

________________________________________________________________

The smell of coffee filled his nose and he couldn’t help but grimace. Coffee was never a welcoming smell to him, infact he barely touched the stuff but as he looked to Kotone, who wore a smile that was some how endearing and threatening all at the same time- Makoto thought it best to stay quiet for the time being.

“So-” Kotone started, immediately causing him to tense up. “What’s up?”

“What’s…. Up?” he seemed quite confused at this point, this girl had hated his guts before, then suddenly he was being dragged to a cafe at a mall and being asked something as casual as ‘what’s up’ Like they had been friends for years… Then again…

“Well um…” she started, looking off to the side, as if looking for the right words to say. “We- got off on the wrong foot this morning- or- more like I did.” she paused to take a sip of her coffee. “To be honest when you were ignoring us I thought maybe you were just being an ass hole for no reason- but uh- whatever happened in the class room…” Kotone twirled her hair in between her fingers, focusing intently on how she was about to word her thoughts. “... Makes me think it might be something more than ‘because I’m an asshole’- and whatever that is um, well you don’t have to share but if you need support just ask me OK?”

“Ah…” This seemed odd- for someone to go from hating his guts, to buddy buddy. Something had to be up… Right?

Kotone kept on a convincing smile, but she felt the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air. Makoto took it as a sign to leave, getting up from his chair without a word, but at least waving good bye- last thing he wanted to do was get on her bad side again. Before exiting the cafe he took one more glance, she seemed to be muttering something to herself, odd- but really none of his business. He shrugged and continued on.

________________________________________________________________

[argentiaertheri]

Additional thoughts:

Is an entirely textual, but graphic, description of minors having sex, written by a “proper adult” kind of gross and wrong and let’s not do that? Yeah, yeah it is. And the older the person/the younger the people having sex, the more questionable it is. A 19 year old writing about a sexual encounter they had at 17 is perfectly normal, a 40 year old writing explicit smut about <16 year olds is very questionable. But it isn’t pedophilia.

Is aged up fanant, again with graphic imagery, kind of gross? Ehh, depends how graphic and how old/young, etc. What if it isn’t aged up, and it’s graphic drawings of minors? Now we’re veering into pedophila, and (as long as no actual children are involved) a legal gray area. If you’re showing it to a minor, or using an actual child as a reference it’s illegal and also actual pedophilia because an actual living minor was involved.

Unless an actual living child is in some way involved it’s not pedophilia. Might be child porn, which is still plenty bad, might just be really fucking gross, might be squick central, but it’s not pedophilia. Now, someone actively seeking out graphic depictions of children engaging in sex acts… yeah you can go ahead and call them a pedo. They are not, however, engaging in pedophilia as they’re not actively hurting anyone (just being very fucking nasty)

To compare “and then they kissed” to graphic art of minor characters to actual child porn to pedophilia does actually do measurable harm. Not to the person reading the smut, but to minors who see all the anti arguments and get desensitized to “this person is a pedo and will try to groom you”. If “and then they kissed” is written by a pedo, the word loses all its meaning. And people who engage in pedophilic acts go to jail (as well they should!), conflating “wow that’s not okay why are you drawing this” to “holy shit stop touching that child I am calling the cops” blurs the line on when to call the fucking cops and when to chill.

Keeping hard and fast and reasonable lines is what protects people. Having clear recourse when stumbling onto something is what protects people — do you close the tab, report the post, or call the cops? It needs to be clear which it is so the appropriate action can be taken.

Going back to “showing it to a minor”… that does mean actively showing it to a minor. Not a teenager clicking “I’m 18 and agree to see sexual content” — that’s their choice, and what exactly is and isn’t allowed (as long as it isn’t actual child porn) is up to the site. And should be clearly defined so, again, you know whether to leave, report it, or call the cops. Regardless if you’re a minor or not.

And anyone using the words “protect the children” is getting an immediate side eye. I remember when “protect the children” meant “gay people are predators”. That phrase has a long history of being used to shut down reasonable discussion, or just straight up dehumanize people, because, well, don’t you want to protect the children?!

Yes, which is why painting everything with the same brush is really actually far more dangerous then an adult writing a memoir that includes sex, or a non-graphic quick gloss over “the teenagers kissed and closed the door” — by anti standards that sentence makes me as bad as actual real life currently hurting real children pedophiles and if you can’t see the difference there… idfk what to say besides that you’re giving the latter cover

Academically speaking, I still find the whole “anti-shipper” movement to be fascinating from a sociological perspective.

You have what amounts to a extremist purity cult whose beliefs align nearly precisely with those of Conservative American Christianity in terms of sexual purity politics (admittedly with some additional flourishes that I’ve watched develop in real time), but is mostly composed of minority members whose sexual-and-gender identities are opposed and oppressed by Conservative American Christianity.  Additionally, their tactics also mirror religious pro-censorship groups (such as Warriors For Innocence), but their rhetoric is entirely secularized and derived from leftist theory.

Did they arrive at this structure via convergent evolution?  Via socially dominant concepts in the greater socio-cultural space that they occupy?  I doubt it was by direct emulation but the possibility does exist on some levels.

[runningwitches]

Loved

Summary: The reader is sad because they feel useless. Steve makes sure they know that’s not true and the party cheers them the heck up.

Request?: Nah M8 I’m just sad as heck

Word Count: 1819

A/N: i mean, seasonal depression and a neverending fear that nobody will ever love me and that I will die alone drove me to binge read a shit ton of steve harrington x reader fics and cry despite the fact that i havent finished season two of stranger things but im gonna write this anyways.

i guess this is steve x reader but thats not the main point of the story

idfk i just want to be loved

(umm, henderson! reader who is loved by everyone, i do not give a shit if this follows the exact storyline, ok? i just wanna be happy again) (also i do not look anything like a henderson! so reader can be adopted or some shit? maybe a cousin?  who tf knoes? not me, thats for sure !!

Warnings: Probably Season Two Spoilers, No Editing, Probably super OOC and all that because I started this at almost three in the morning and now its four and I’m exhausted but I cant sleep because I’m sad. Anyways I’m just trying to say that it’s bad but I’ll love you if you read it anyways.

I was curled up in my bed, isolating myself from everyone as per usual. After the events with the mind flayer and demodogs and upside down, I realized something pretty depressing. Nobody needed me. I mean like? Sure I was Dustin’s sister. And sure, I was kinda helpful in saving Steve’s ass from the demodogs and Billy, but it just feels as if I weren’t there, nobody would even notice. As if my presence had no positive value to anyone in The Party™.

So instead of socializing with them while they all played DnD and joked around, I sat myself in my room, wrapped in a blanket burrito, holding back tears. I had my music on in the background as I mindlessly flipped through one of the magazines my mom had bought for me. Everyone was downstairs as it was Dustin’s turn to host the DnD night, and everyone was over. I mean, Dustin, Mike, Lucas, Will, El, Max, Steve, Nancy, and Jonathan, and I definitely wouldn’t be surprised if I walked downstairs to find Joyce and Hopper there too. Every once in awhile I would hear some loud laughter come up from the group, signifying how happy they were without me there. It definitely wasn’t easy for me to sit there by myself staring blankly at the pictures of celebrities I didn’t even care about, but I continued to tell myself that they would be happier without me, attempting to drown out the sounds of their joy with the mixtape I had made for myself a little while back.

As I closed my eyes, focusing on my breathing, trying to force the tears that had started to pool back into my eyes, I heard someone knocking on my door. I quickly wiped my eyes to ensure there weren’t any stray tears, pulled the blanket tighter around my body, and attempted to look miserable. But miserable in a sick way and not in a sad way. If it were anybody except Dustin or Steve, I knew I was going to be able to pull off the “I’m not feeling very well” charade, so my chances were pretty good (though odds were rarely skewed in my favor).

Of course with my luck my little brother came bursting through the door.

“(Y/N)! Why aren’t you down there playing DnD with us?!” he asked, voice booming loud enough for the entire neighborhood to hear. As I prepared to try my excuse with him to see if my acting skills had gotten any better, I noticed someone else walking through the door. Looking up, my watery eyes met the concerned look on Steve’s face.

“Hey shithead, stop screaming. You don’t need to tell everyone in Hawkins about your sister’s lack of participation in game night,” he said to Dustin, ruffling his hair and then muttering for him to go back downstairs. Dustin looked angrily at Steve for a moment before looking between us for a second, muttered something to himself, and then left the room, surprisingly closing my door as he left.

“What’s up with you lately? It’s not like you to miss game night, but you haven’t been to a single one these past few weeks.”

“I’m just not feeling well, Steve, don’t worry about it,” I told him, looking down at the magazine in my lap and trying to will the tears away.

“Don’t try that bullshit with me, (Y/N). I know you better than that, do you really think I’d believe that crap?”

“There’s no bullshit to be had Steve, just go back downstairs, I’ll be fine,” I told him, yet I still refused to make eye contact. So when he sat down on the edge of my bed, put two fingers under my chin, and lifted my head up in order for me to make eye contact, I saw his face immediately soften.

“I’m not gonna go back downstairs until I figure out what’s wrong with my favorite girl.”

It took all of the resolve in the world for me to not break down at those two words, and it still didn’t even work. “Favorite girl?” I repeated, but only in my own head. “There’s no way I’m his favorite girl, he’s lying to me. Everyone always lies to me” I told myself. And in that second it was like the dam was broken. The tears started to fall freely from my face. I curled myself into more of a ball than I already was, which was a surprising feat of human flexibility, if I’m being completely honest. Steve’s arms immediately went around me, pulling us closer to each other, and practically pulling me into his lap.

I didn’t say a word as he stroked my hair and shushed me softly, I simply let out a series of what I would consider disgusting sobs.

He continued whispering to me, little things telling me that I’d be okay, or that he was there for me, or that everything was gonna be fine. As my breathing finally evened out, he hadn’t asked me what was wrong like I had expected, so I knew I had to speak up.

“Why are you even here, Harrington?” I asked him bitterly.

“What do you mean?” he replied, exasperated.

“Why do you even care about me?” I reiterated with a sniffle.

“Why do I care about you? (Y/N) what are you on about? It would take me ages to list all of that back to you.” I didn’t respond, but I allowed myself to relax a bit, leaning now onto his chest instead of holding myself as far away as I could while somehow still being in his lap. “(Y/N) you’re wonderful. You care so much about all of the kids, sometimes I think you out-mom even their own mom’s.” That was greeted with a sharp exhale from my nose which was (correctly) interpreted as a laugh. “You’re fucking badass. You can use a gun, a bat, a hockey stick, and pretty much anything else you can get your hands on to slay monsters, like real life monsters.” He checked my face after this comment, and was lucky he did, because he almost missed the slight curl of my lips. “You never let anybody get in the way of doing what needs to be done. Not even racist douchebags that show up and kick my ass. And you certainly don’t take shit from anyone.” A few more tears fell from my eyes, but he grabbed my face and used his thumbs to wipe them away, looking into my eyes. “And you’ve got a whole group of teenagers sitting down there worried sick about you because you mean so much to all of them.”

I sniffled again and threw my arms around his neck, whispering an almost inaudible, “Thank you.”

“Of course, sweetheart. Now let’s go get you cleaned up so we can finish that game of DnD.” I almost blushed at the pet name he gave me, if he didn’t sweep me up into his arms and carry me to the bathroom so I could rinse my face off. He made sure to grab my blanket from my bed and grabbed my hand to lead me down the stairs.

“Wow, it’s so nice of you to join us,” Dustin said the second we were down the stairs, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Steve shot him a look that said, “shut up or I’ll kill you,” while I just gave him a small smile. Before I even got settled on the couch I was smothered by two bear hugs.

“I missed you (Y/N),” El told me, gripping me in probably the tightest hug I’ve ever had. “You were gone for three weeks!”

“Yeah dude! Don’t leave us alone with these losers for that long ever again!” Max exclaimed, hugging me almost as tight as El was.

I smiled down at both of them, hugging them back just as fiercely. Looking up, I saw the smile Steve had on, but I ignored it in favor of the smiles on my girls’ faces. Ruffling their hair, I removed myself from their grips and went to sit on the couch between Steve and Nancy.

“It’s a good thing you came back (Y/N). I almost killed your brother, and not in the campaign, in real life. I’m pretty sure you’d be the only one who could stop me.” I chuckled to myself and then smiled at Lucas.

“It’s a good thing that I’m back then, huh?”

Will looked up at me this time, “Definitely! I was waiting for you to come down so I could show you this drawing!” I smiled down at him, glancing briefly at Jonathan, only enough to recognize the immense pride on his face at the fact that Will was genuinely happy and smiley. He brought it up to show me a picture that he had drawn of me fighting a monster, a cute little label that pertained to my name at the top. “Steve said you fought a monster and won! And I didn’t even get to see it. So I thought I’d draw it out for you.”

“I love it Will!” I exclaimed, pulling him into a hug and looking at the drawing again. It wasn’t until this second look that I noticed a label by the monster’s head as well. It simply read, “Billy” with a little arrow to indicate that the monster I was beating up was named Billy. I laughed at the naming of the monster and pulled Will into another hug, pressing a light kiss to the top of his head. He grabbed the drawing and placed himself back into his spot.

“(Y/N), you want to hop in on this campaign? We’ve still got a while left to go and we’re in a pretty good spot to add another character?” Mike offered, as he was playing Dungeon Master.

“Yeah, come on (Y/N)! You haven’t actually played in forever!” Dustin added.

The rest of the group added their own chorus of “Yeah”s to try and convince you to join.

“Okay, I guess. But only if I get to be a healer! I’m tired of killing the monsters,” I joked, earning a laugh from everyone in the room.

“Okay, okay, so the group walks up to the tavern in town, hoping for a nice evening away from the fighting for once. But the open the door and see, A MOM, not just A mom, it’s their mom!”

“What?” El asked.

“Mike what are you on about?” Lucas added.

“OH MY GOD, (Y/N)’S GONNA BE LIKE OUR TEAM’S MOM!” Max shouted in realization. The whole group looked at Mike in anticipation. “Well obviously, how else would I have gone about this? It’s perfect, and the perfect position to make her the healer.”

“I mean, technically she’s my sister,” Dustin announced, implying that you couldn’t be his mom.

“See (Y/N), I told you I was gonna kill him.”

[foundcarcosa]

cccxxxviii.

List three people you’ve had crushes on. >> *shakes head slyly* Noooope! Have you ever been in love with someone that you watched from afar?: >> Yeah. How old were you when you started your period?: >> Eleven or twelve. Probably twelve. How old were you when you had your first crush?: >> Pssh, I don’t fuckin know. Like, ten. How old were you when you were first head over heels in love?: >> Thirteen, and it was with David Duchovny, and I stand by it, god dammit.

Has loving someone ever made you miserable?: >> Sure. How bad are your worst cramps on a scale of 1-10?: >> A fucking thirteen. Have you ever thrown up from cramps?: >> Yep. List three people you had a hard time forgiving. >> The people I had a hard time forgiving remain unforgiven, so. Is there someone you are currently struggling to forgive?: >> No, I’m not struggling. I’m not going to force it, what’s the point in that? Nothing requires my forgiveness. I don’t even regard it as a particularly important thing to give. What is the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced?: >> I don’t think anything I’ve experienced tops my worst cramps. Do you have an embarrassing period story? If so, what is it?: >> Not really any embarrassing stories. Like, I’ve bled through clothes and stuff before, but... meh, really. Mostly I was just mad that I ruined a pair of pants I liked. Have you ever had bad cramps in class?: >> Oh, yeah. Have you ever thrown up in school? If so, what happened?: >> Doubtful. Have you ever left school because of cramps?: >> Yeah, because I literally couldn’t stand up. Did your school allow you to have pain medicine on you?: >> I don’t know. I didn’t... like, realise I could take that and solve the problem. (I don’t know. I told y’all my development was skewed. But also, my dad never thought to buy me painkillers, either??? Hmm.) Did your school have a nurse?: >> Yeah. When was the last time you threw up?: >> A month ago or so. Have you ever tried to starve yourself in order to lose weight?: >> No. Do you ever comfort eat?: >> Occasionally. Have you ever thrown your phone across the room in anger?: >> Yeah. Raven (an ex) made me upset and I threw my phone across my studio apartment. Samsungs have always been tough, though. What was the name of your first crush?: >> Non-celebrity? Damned if I remember. Who was your first celebrity crush?: >> Matt Damon. How old were you when you lost your virginity?: >> Seventeen. If applicable, what form of birth control do you use?: >> Abstinence by default. What is your sexual orientation?: >> I’m oriented towards sex. Have you ever questioned your sexuality?: >> Sure. I was raised to believe that I had to be a straight female. At some point, I had to question that, because as you can see, it turned out to be fucking false. Are you happy with your gender?: >> I’m happy not having one, yes. What gender do you identify as?: >> I don’t. What gender were you born as?: >> I wasn’t born as a gender. But I get what you mean, and female is what I was assigned. Do you identify as “religious”?: >> Sure, just not in the way that most people do. Do you identify as “spiritual”?: >> I suppose. What spirituality are you?: >> I’m not “a” spirituality. That’s not how it works by my ken. Have you ever tried drugs?: >> Sure. Have you ever gotten high off a prescription medication?: >> I don’t think so. I tried hydrocodone and I didn’t feel any different. Have you ever been drunk?: >> Yeah. Have you ever smoked pot?: >> Yeah. Have you ever smoked a cigarette?: >> Yeah. What’s your favorite drug?: >> I don’t know anymore, lol. After these long-term effects started manifesting, my relationship with drugs changed drastically. I’m not even sure about trying anything new without a trip-sitter now, and I used to be perfectly fine without one. Going todash will fuck your perception and ability to self-regulate (regulate one’s connection with reality, I mean) way up. What’s your favorite alcoholic beverage?: >> Absinthe. How old are you?: >> 31. Do you drink regularly?: >> Sure. Are/were you abused?: >> Yeah. Do you have a significant other? If yes, are you happy in your current relationship? If not, are you happy being single right now?: >> I am happy with my current relationships, yes. Do you want a significant other?: >> I have significant others. Do I want another one? I’m not actively looking for another (especially not around fuckin here), but stranger things have happened. Do you take drugs or drink to numb your pain? >> No, I take them to eradicate my boredom. Who is your current crush?: >> I mean, I have all kinds of crushes. Who is your current friend crush?: >> I don’t have one. Has a friend ever broken your heart?: >> No, but trying to keep a friendship going has definitely made my life hell for a while until I realised it was pointless. Is your love life history tragic or magical?: >> Hm. Do you have regrets?: >> Nah. Do you prefer tampons or pads?: >> Pads. I mean, I don’t like them per se, but tampons exacerbate my cramps and I’m not crazy about the whole insertion process, so. Lesser evil. Have you ever used a tampon?: >> Mhm. What’s your bra size?: >> I don’t remember. A something-B. Do you have a hard time finding bras in your size?: >> No. Can you still wear clothes from the children’s section?: >> No. I might be small but I’m nowhere near narrow or straight-lined enough for children’s clothes. Are you lonely?: >> Often. Do you have allergies?: >> No. Are you in control?: >> Of what? Do you have a relationship with God?: >> I have a relationship with at least one god. What size pants do you wear?: >> Around a 30W. Do you wear girls, juniors, or women’s clothes more?: >> I don’t really know. I think I fit women’s sizes best, but mostly I don’t shop in stores that have sections of that nature, so. Do you HATE people who are controlling?: >> It can be tiresome. How old were you when you started to have acne?: >> Thirteen, more or less. Did your parents give you “the talk”?: >> No.  How old were you when your parents talked to you about puberty?: >> He... didn’t. Do you like going to the doctor?: >> Nope. Do you like going to the dentist?: >> Nope. What’s your favorite part of going to the dentist?: >> There isn’t one, the whole thing is no fun. Do you feel average?: >> No. Do you feel insecure?: >> About some things, but not most things. Do you feel alone?: >> No, because I’m literally never alone. Do you feel exhausted?: >> No. Do you feel depressed?: >> No. Do you feel anxious?: >> No. Are you haunted by your past?: >> No. Who’s your best friend?: >> Hm. How often do you pray?: >> I don’t. Sometimes I say things to Wednesday. Is that prayer??? I don’t even know how this shit works, I’m flying blind here. Do you keep a journal or diary?: >> Collectively, my dreamwidth, instagram, facebook, and tumblr all function as a multimedia cross-platform diary. Do you relate to the characters in books?: >> Sure, sometimes. Who’s your favorite Disney princess?: >> SHURI Do you think you are attractive?: >> Yeah, but I don’t think other people think I’m attractive. (I mean, I guess some people do. It’s hard to believe, and I think that has to do more with my whole thing about feeling sexually dysfunctional and incompatible than it has to do with what people actually think. Like, it’s this whole ball of really fucked-up yarn.) Are you happy with the way you look?: >> I suppose. Do you look more like your mom or your dad?: >> *shrug* How many siblings do you have?: >> Five. What song describes your life?: >> There isn’t one song that does. Do you cry a lot?: >> Nah. Are you sensitive?: >> In some fashion, but not necessarily in the fashion that people mean when they call someone sensitive. Do you take medication every day?: >> No. Do you take vitamins?: >> No. Are you a meat-eater, or are you vegan or vegetarian?: >> I’m somewhere in the middle, where it makes the most sense to be. What’s your favorite color?: >> Gold. Are you unique?: >> Sure. Do you feel blessed?: >> I’m not sure. Who is your favorite person?: >> ME ~*~*~ idfk, man. Has your favorite person ever hurt your feelings?: >> I hurt my own feelings all the time, that’s just how being a human is, mang Do you write in cursive or print more?: >> Print, because of legibility. Cursive is easier for me because of the flow, but the legibility is questionable. Do you like to write?: >> I love to write. Do you like to read?: >> Sure. What are your favorite types of books to read?: >> Nonfiction (science, philosophy, sociology, etc), science fiction, fantasy, horror, I don’t know. Do you have neat handwriting?: >> Ehh. It used to be a lot neater but now my muscles are unused to it. List three people you who you think are good role models. >> Hm. List three fashion trends you love. >> Hm. Are you a trendsetter?: >> Not on purpose. Do you like fashion?: >> I mean... I guess? I like clothes? Do you enjoy shopping?: >> No. I enjoy the obtaining of things I like, but not the process of obtaining it. What stereotype do you fit the most?: >> I don’t know. The Mystic/Psychotic? Is that a stereotype, or at least a trope? Because that’s how I see myself. Are you your own person?: >> I am not even a person, my guy. Are you a risk-taker?: >> Sometimes. Do you feel free to be yourself? If not, why?: >> Not all the time, but I try to focus on the times when I do. (I don’t always feel free to be myself because I often feel like a wild fey creature trying to play the part of a well-adjusted and mildly socially-acceptable construct, and I don’t believe that people in my life actually fully understand that about me. Like, I do my best to keep playing the part, but sometimes it chafes really hard, and I react to that sometimes. Do you like fantasy better than reality?: >> I don’t draw a line between the two. Never really have. Do you have “female problems”?: >> I have spider-god problems. Because they’re my problems, and I am a spider-god, therefore they are spider-god problems. What are you longing for?: >> A ride on Paul Bettany. (I just saw Solo, all right.) Have you ever contemplated suicide?: >> Yeah.

Have you ever self-harmed?: >> Yeah. How many people have you known who were suicidal?: >> Several. Do you get bullied constantly?: >> Not now. Are people jealous of you?: >> I don’t know? If you’re a worshipper, how do you worship?: >> Horizontally. How many tattoos do you have, and what are they of? Do your tattoos have personal meaning to you? If you don’t have any tattoos, do you want one?: >> I only have three small ones, because the money doesn’t flow like that around these parts. One is the number 19 in Roman numerals, one is the Mannaz rune, and one is “scully, it’s me”; and yes, they all have personal relevance to me. Do you have your ears pierced?: >> Yeah. Do you have any other piercings? If not, do you want any other piercings?: >> Septum. What is your first and middle name, and do you like them?: >> Logan Frey. Yeah, they’re good. What do you want to name your first daughter?: >> Hm. What would you name a son?: >> Hm. Do you dream about your wedding day?: >> No. What’s your favorite food?: >> A lot. Do you have a secret you want to tell someone?: >> No. Have you ever had a friend turn on you?: >> Yeah. List three friends who have turned on you. >> Hm. List three people who have bullied you. >> Why? Do you have anyone you can trust?: >> I guess. What country do you live in?: >> USA. What’s your favorite pain reliever?: >> Hmm. What do you do for cramps?: >> Take naproxen as soon as I feel them. Pray. Do you wear make-up?: >> Occasionally. Who has the cutest baby/babies you know?: >> Hm. Do you have a lot of people blocked on facebook?: >> I don’t know that I have anyone blocked on fb. What is your natural hair color?: >> Dark brown. Do you have a morning routine?: >> Not particularly.  

[hybridkilljoys]

For the past month (or more, idfk) I’ve been feeling so physically and emotionally drained to the point I can’t even find enjoyment in the little things that would help me get through the day, like talking to my friends or playing videogames, watching my favorite shows, etc. I haven’t been able to sleep decently in forever so that’s made me feel worse, and with school starting for me soon I don’t know how I’m going to manage going back to classes without having a breakdown every week.

I have no motivation to start school, or to pursue a career because what I want to major in doesn’t matter to anyone; I have no motivation to draw, I have no motivation to work or to talk to people or have motivation to just find a reason to stay alive every day when it means dealing with the same depressing mental shit that’s been hounding me for years and that has been getting worse lately, and is going to keep getting worse. 

Suicide is literally on my mind every day, every fucking day, even on the good days it’s still there in the back of my mind, reminding me that it’s going to be my end game no matter how hard I try to get better or how better things get for me. You have no idea how many times I unwillingly fantasize about it, on how and when I would carry it out, the goodbyes I would write, it’s so fucking exhausting to think about this shit on such a constant basis

And I feel like such an ungrateful selfish asshole for feeling like this. I always tell myself I shouldn't feel like this, why do I feel like this when I have friends that love me, when I know things will get better further down? I have no right to feel this bad and hopeless when other people have it so much worse than I do and deal with more shit than me and they’re still able to move forward, they’re still able to get two jobs and get through school, they’re still able to follow their dreams and make their lives better despite all the crap they’ve been through so why the fuck can’t I do the same? 

I don’t have the right to feel this way, no matter how many times people tell me my struggles are valid. I’m not trying hard enough but I also lack the motivation to even try, and that’s another reason why I shouldn’t complain. 

I want to be on medication more than anything, I’ve been wanting to get it for months because I know it’s the only thing that will help me at this point but the psychiatrists I’ve looked up are stupidly expensive and until I can get enrolled in insurance again next year, I’m stuck not being able to afford anything right now. So I guess I’ll go fuck myself. 

I just want to stop feeling like there’s no future for me, I want to not feel like I’m going to kill myself before the age of 30, I want to have motivation to make something out of my life and to keep fucking living.

[xhanac]

Kay so @oswald–copperpot tagged me in this (thank u for tagging me btw) so I’m gonna answer some questions.

The rules are basically that you have to answer these 83 statements and tag 20 ppl but fuck it, I have literally no friends on here so I’m just gonna tag @locoalma10, yay

the last…

1. drink: ehh..water, ikr I’m boring

2. phone call: probably my mom, don’t rlly remember tho :/

3. text message: a friend, sth about her ex

4. song you listened to: Fourth of July by Fall out Boy, for some reason it reminds me of Twist&Shout and I wanna cry ;_;

5. time you cried: like a week ago cus I had a pretty bad fight with my mom…ya

6. dated someone twice: nah

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nah

8. been cheated on: I mean I hope never..

9. lost someone special: idk man

10. been depressed: lel that’s kinda a constant thing..kidding kidding..kinda..idk man

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: a year ago approximately, t’was pretty bad dammit never doing that again

favorite colors…

12. vantablack (I know it’s not an actual color, still putting it down cus it looks like the void and I love it, damn you Anish Kapoor)

13. red

14. rainbow cus I’m gay

in the last year have you…

15. made a new friend: yiss

16. fallen out of love: nah

17. laughed until you cried: yah probably

18. found out someone was talking about you: ya

19. met someone who changed you: ye

20. found out who your friends are: ehh..probably..idk, don’t really get the question :/

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: if that means we’re friends on fb then yeah

general…

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: most of them..like I’ve met most of them but they’re mostly random ppl from my old school and stuff so I don’t really know them

23. do you have any pets: ye, I have a dawg named Shanti and I had a westie called Whisky but he died a couple of years ago :/

24. do you want to change your name: ye

25. what did you do for your last birthday: went out for drinks with a couple of friends and stuff.. also had a bunch of sushi which was nice

26. what time do you wake up: ehh…6.30am when I’ve got school, 4pm now that it’s summertime.. don’t look at me, I’m a terrible person, idc tho, sleep is a blessing 

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: asleep, I was on a trip that completely exhausted me so I went to sleep super early

28. name something you can’t wait for: to enter university so I can stop stressing out about it

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: couple of hours ago

30. what are you listening to right now: myself typing..my laptop ventilator…ehh…a crushing silence that surrounds me, making me aware of the weighing possibility that I might as well be floating in nothingness, on my own cus quite possibly nothing is real, the world as I know it might as well just be a computer simulation, everybody I ever met might be no more but a mere coded image and my own feeling of self might be no more but a code sbdy wrote to make me feel like I’m real, even though nothing really is….idfk man it’s 3am and I’m bored, I’m supposed to wake up early tomorrow to go to work smh, ded

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I mean probably

32. something that is getting on your nerves: college applications

33. most visited website: tumblr.com cus I’m gay and have a flare for social justice..kidding..I mean that too I guess but I just like to look/read about mah gay ships and tumblr seems to be the right place for that

34. hair color: brown

35. long or short hair: it was kinda long but I’m probably getting a haircut soon so it’s gonna be short then

36. do you have a crush on someone: ya

37. what do you like about yourself: ehh..idk, I’m fluent in three languages (kay, semi-fluent in the third one, still proud of it tho), also I can draw pretty decently I guess

38. piercings: two on my left ear, I’d really like to get a lip piercing tho

39. blood type: uhh.. idk 

40. nickname: luc, das it

41. relationship status: relationships are confusing don’t talk to me

42. zodiac: capricorn

43. pronouns: she/her I guess

44. favorite tv show: Gotham atm cus nygmobblepot, OITNB, Sherlock, Supernatural, Avatar (both the last airbender and legend of Korra, both are rlly good honestly), Skam, also currently watching Black Mirror (San Junipero tho literally murder me that shit is magnificent)…also, does anime count as tv shows? I’m deciding it does cus I wanna talk about anime. Attack on Titan, Tokyo Ghoul, Black Butler, Noragami, Death Note, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, Ao no Exorcist, Soul Eater, Owari no Seraph, Durarara, Hataraku Maou-sama,, Gangsta., No.6…

45. tattoos: don’t have any but they’re dope and I want them

46. right or left handed: left-handed.. but I’ve been kinda trying to write/draw with my right cus I’m bored and I like the word ambidextrous so I’m trying to achieve that

47. surgery: nah

48. sport: I used to play tennis a lot when I was younger but I haven’t done that in years, seems like an entire lifetime ago

49. vacation: I wanna go to Japan

50. pair of trainers: does this mean do I have them? yeah I have a pair of trainers

more general…

51. eating: sushi slays my existence

52. drinking: water, cedevita, idk

53. I’m about to: make myself go to sleep cus I have to wake up early and it’s 3.38am already wtf Imma die tomorrow

54. waiting for: idk man…the feeling of contentment, I dunno

55. want: Donald Trump to bite the dust, equal rights, heteronormativity to perish, queerbaiting to return to the pits of hell it crawled out of….I’d also like to learn how to skateboard cus I’m shit at it but I like it

56. get married: like…in the future..maybe..I dunno man that’s a question for the future and the future ain’t here yet

57. career: dunno, something within the STEM territory, don’t know what, I’m vv confused

58. hugs or kisses: can I just say both? Ya, both are good

59. lips or eyes: goddammit both again

60. shorter or taller: idc

61. older or younger: idc

62. nice arms or nice stomach: what does this question even mean.. I mean nice is a subjective term so idk

63. hook up or relationship: relationship

64. troublemaker or hesitant: I dunno.. neither

65. kissed a stranger: nah but I was randomly kissed by some girl once whom I only spoke to for like 5 minutes prior..it was weird and it annoyed me cus I don’t even know her and she didn’t even ask smh -.-

66. drank hard liquor: ya

67. lost glasses/contact lenses: too many times…too many times 

68. turned someone down: some guys way back in middleschool I guess

69(lol). sex on the first date: nah

70. broken someone’s heart: hope not, don’t think so

71. had your heart broken: nah

72. been arrested: nah

73. cried when someone died: ya

74. fallen for a friend: I dunno man

do you believe in…

75. yourself: lol.

76. miracles: bruh I’m the Gamzee Makara of miraces ..kay kidding I mean idk

77. love at first sight: if it’s at first sight it means y’all don’t even know each other…can’t love sbdy you don’t know that’s weird

78. santa claus: pedophile, what I mean yeah nope

79. kiss on the first date: I mean why not

80. angels: the first person I thought about was Castiel so yeah, hope so

other…

81. current best friend’s name: Ludwig II of Bavaria

82. eye color: brown

83. favorite movie: probably all three of the LOTR movies..

Kay well that was fun, also it’s 5am cus I’m slow af goddammit

@oswald–copperpot thank you again for tagging me, this was dope :)