#i only need 5 more grails...

[hassiegfrieddoneanythingwrong]

Day 413:

Another one added to the dragonslayer gang.

[lazycats-stuff]

HEYYY, firstly how are you! I wanted to ask if you could write about a teen male reader with the Batfam. He is kinda like the winter soldier if you know what I mean ( skilled fighter, metal arm..), since he lived with the Batfam he was doing a good mental recovery, but one day he goes back to winter soldier mode on the fam, and they try to get him back to normal again, idk

Thanks you bye !

Hi anon, I'm well and I hope you are doing okay too. I can do it, no worries.

Summary: (Y/N) gets back into the Winter Soldier mode.

Warnings: implications of torture, mind control, mentions of Hydra, Bruce is sad for (Y/N), some violence... And everything else that goes with Hydra and brain washing.

The road to recovery is often a long one. Bruce thought of it when he first saw (Y/N), aka the Winter Soldier. The infamous one, a ghost within the intel community. Many people didn't believe that the Winter Soldier even existed. But the trail of neat and clean murders was the one thing that made Bruce think there is something more.

Of course, the way to get (Y/N) was hell. Hell being and understatement of the decade. Bruce at one thought that he was indeed chasing a Ghost, but something in his mind told him that the Winter Soldier was real. Something in his gut made him chase that ghost.

Months of chasing, fighting and hoping he would be alive by the next encounter, they finally got him. Bruce was lucky to be alive. He hugged all of his kids right then and there. (Y/N) was put into a glass box, strong enough to contain Bane.

(Y/N) refused to back down, refused to retreat. He punched the glass of the cage with his metal arm and some were worried that he would actually brake it. Bruce knew that even if he broke the glass, he had no handler anymore.

His organization has been destroyed. Everyone important was caught. Those who weren't... Well, their time was running out. They may have scattered like rats, but you can bet your ass on anything that the League would find them all. Especially since they didn't burn down their base. One hell of a mistake.

Bruce and the rest searched through the base and they found something that can only be considered as a holy grail when it comes to someone who was brainwashed.

A dark red book, bounded in leather, with all the trigger words written on those pages... Bruce knew that he has hit a jackpot. He looked through them and then has decided to burn it. They also found the footage of (Y/N)'s brainwashing,

The footage, as much as it is damning, making it very easy to persecute anyone they needed, it was also nauseating. (Y/N) was tortured with electricity, memory wiped with electricity... Worse of all, (Y/N) fighting.

It had shaken Bruce to his core and made him triple check the manor security and it has made him check on his sons 5 times that night. He couldn't sleep at all. He refused to sleep that one single evening and night.

And when he stood in front of the glass cage, (Y/N) looked utterly defeated. He was sitting down, looking down at his metal arm and his human arm. He seemed mad beyond belief that he was even caught. Bruce knew he would have to be delicate and gentle with this (Y/N). He had taken the book with him, to try and have some sort of leverage.

And to show him that he was free. (Y/N) was finally free of the mental shackles that they have put on him. Bruce took a chair and sat down near the cell, but far enough to make sure that there was some sort of space.

He couldn't have (Y/N) feel cornered.

He sat down, book in his lap. (Y/N) still looked down, but looked up after a few moments.

" They will come and get me back. " (Y/N) said and Bruce wanted to laugh.

" Hydra is gone. " Bruce simply stated and watched (Y/N)'s reaction.

Nothing. Huh.

" Lies. "

Bruce stayed calm and shook his head. " I'm afraid I'm telling you the truth. The book you see in my hands? The book with your trigger words. Do you really think they would hand it over ever so willingly? " Bruce asked, showing him the dark red leather book.

" You are officially free. " Bruce said as and watched the way (Y/N) reacted.

Bruce nearly broke when he saw hope in (Y/N)'s eyes. He never lost hope.

" I'll never be free... " (Y/N) said quietly, looking at his metal arm. Bruce saw that it was not a nice arms, made with quality. While it looked strong, it wasn't made to be comfortable. And Bruce could see the claw marks at the part where the flesh and metal met.

" That may be true. But you can start healing. You can start working through all of the trauma that they put you through. Mental scars will always be there, but I can help you. " Bruce said softly and (Y/N) was still emotionless and with hope glimmering in his eyes, there was something else too. Bruce could only decipher it as happiness, but he knew that (Y/N) would rather die than admit it.

" I'll be with you the entire way. I have a great friend who can help you unpack everything they put you through. And I can give you a better metal arm, something that wouldn't be so uncomfortable and something that reminds you off the organization. " Bruce said as he looked at (Y/N), holding the book close.

" And what about the book? "(Y/N) asked quietly and Bruce knew exactly what (Y/N) meant.

" It will be destroyed by me. I wanted to show you that the thing keeping you in their grasp is destroyed. Well, will be destroyed. " Bruce said as he put the book down on the chair before moving closer.

" And you can officially start your new life. "

" I'm not sure if I can... " (Y/N) said softly and the defenses were slowly cracking.

" I can assure you, you can. You will have to put some work into it, but it will pay off. I'll be there to help you to start. "

" But the feeling of guilt will never go away, will it? "

" After some time it will. One way is to go through therapy and work it out or you can become a hero. But that only if you want it and after you went through therapy. " Bruce said softly.

" Maybe then I'll atone for it... " (Y/N) said softly.

" One step at the time (Y/N). One step at the time. " Bruce said softly.

And that's exactly what has happened at the time. Bruce made sure to be with (Y/N) before and after the therapy sessions. He made sure (Y/N) knew he had support while he was talking to the Black Canary. And once Black Canary said he could start meeting new people, Bruce slowly started bringing his sons around.

Damian knew exactly how (Y/N) felt. Being in that environment is not easy and it's just the battle of the fittest. And one hell of a battle for your mind. You truly had to be strong enough to make sure to not completely break. Somehow, (Y/N) has kept his humanity, but he had to give a part of his soul to keep it.

Jason just talked to him about stuff and has made sure that he has access to TV shows and movies. (Y/N) needed to be connected to the outside world. And also, Jason has been bringing books for (Y/N) to read. Jason took him his favorites and often took him some classics. (Y/N) appreciated it and liked all the recommendations that Jason has brought to him. It was a nice break.

Tim has always sneaked in some snacks and the two would just talk. It was a hell of a time and since (Y/N) has started school, Tim would help with mathematics and some other subjects. (Y/N) couldn't really go to a public school or any type of school, but he still needs his high school diploma.

And Dick? Dick has been involved in making sure that (Y/N) was getting physical activity. (Y/N) was stiff in Dick's opinion and he wanted to make sure (Y/N) felt good in his body too. Dick did stretches, some tricks and considering that (Y/N) did have some knowledge about gymnastics, it was slightly easier. Not to mention, stretches were something that everyone needs.

About a year after being saved, (Y/N) has moved into the Wayne Manor. It was a nice change of scenery for (Y/N). Beautiful manor, garden, not to mention no noises... And Titus, the Great Dane being an emotional support animal for (Y/N)...

(Y/N) was incredibly happy, but had hard time showing it. Everyone knew but didn't comment on it. They were helping him get adjusted to his new life now and they were more than happy to help. And one thing that made (Y/N) happy out of his mind was the fact that he got a new metal arm. It was black, with red, blue and green accents. It was something to signalized that he was a member of the family.

Bruce was going to adopt him soon enough. Just give him some time and he will do it.

But something happened at the two month mark. Something made him reverse back into the Winter Soldier mode. Bruce was certain that they wiped the triggers from his mind. Not to mention, the boys remembered the trigger words, just in case something like this happened and that they could be careful.

But something must have snapped inside of (Y/N). The boys were careful, but something must have gone awry. Something.

Jason and Dick were the first ones to see it and were the first ones to see it and the brunt end of it. Jason was hurled out the window, while Dick was thrown at the wall like a rag doll. The commotion woke Tim up and Damian was curious as to what was going on.

They were also thrown around the room.

" (Y/N), you are not a Winter Soldier, relax! " Jason said as he made his way through the window, grunting at the pain.

" Please, (Y/N) this is not you! " Dick yelled as he gripped his sides, huffing and panting.

(Y/N), seemingly didn't hear anything and nothing was reaching him. The cold and murderous look in his eyes was more than enough to tell them that they had to subdue him.

Somehow.

Damian jumped on (Y/N)'s shoulders, trying to take his metal arm off. Once they get that off, they are going to be fine. They hope at least.

" (Y/N) come on! Fight it! " Damian raised his voice, trying to make (Y/N) see his senses. (Y/N) didn't listen and threw himself into the wall, back first to throw Damian off and then he threw Damian into the shelves, making him groan in pain.

Bruce walked in from the outside and froze in shock. His adopted sons in various stages of pain and (Y/N) in the Winter Soldier mode. Bruce stayed calm as he glanced over his sons.

They were alive and breathing. That's the important thing right now.

" (Y/N) listen to me. " Bruce said softly as he moved closer, quickly checking on his sons, who were all softly confirming that they were good.

" Look at me. Remember me. It's Bruce. You are safe. The Winter Soldier doesn't control you, you control him. " Bruce said, raising his hands in the air, trying to make sure that he didn't look like threatening.

" You control him, remember that. " Bruce said as he quickly checked on Jason.

(Y/N) looked like he was confused and shook his head. Bruce watched in silence as (Y/N) was getting his bearings together. And once he saw tears falling down his cheeks, he swooped in and hugged his son.

(Y/N) wept as Bruce embraced him and everyone, including Alfred, brought him into a hug. It was a tight hug and Bruce refused to let (Y/N) shatter. And (Y/N) felt safe Bruce's embrace, but by God, guilt was eating him alive.

Apologies were falling from his lips and everyone assured him that it wasn't his fault. It really wasn't his fault.

[neokamui414]

A non-exhaustive list of art, pieces of media, franchises, authors, and thinkers that I really need my fellow Cultsim/BoH/Secret Histories fans to get into and discuss with me and between themselves.

.

.

(WARNING A LOT OF THE FOLLOWING RECOMMENDATIONS COME WITH A LIST OF CONTENT WARNINGS AND ARE SOMETIMES CONNECTED TO CONTROVERSIAL ARTISTS AND PUBLIC PERSONS. THIS LIST IS NOT A ENDORSEMENT OF ANY PROBLEMATIC IDEALS OR STATEMENTS MADE BY ANYONE MENTIONED IN THIS LIST AND IT IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT ANYONE WHO LOOKS INTO ANY OF THE MENTIONED WORKS OF ART DO THEIR DUE DILIGENCE AND THOROUGHLY CHECKS FOR DISTURBING / TRIGGERING CONTENT AT THEIR OWN VOLITION)

.

.

Film Recommendations:

1. Dario Argento's Three Mothers trilogy, especially Suspiria & and especially especially the 2019 remake of Suspiria. Very Dancer DLC-coded, very Sisterhood of the Triple Knot and Thunderskin.

2. The Magic Lantern films of Kenneth Anger, who was a practicing Thelmaite* for many years. Lantern Principal is obviously what comes to mind when you hear of the name of the series and the dreams that were mystical experiences that inspired and were expressed in art, in this case films is very much akin to stuff we see in Cultist Simulator.

(* As shown in later parts of this recommendation list I argue that the games of Weather Factory become even more interesting and artistically impactful if you learn more about late 19th and 20th century occultism and movements like Theosophy and Thelma.)

3. Hereditary and Midsommar are obvious recommendations but even more so I would recommend the original 1970s The Wicker Man. Folk Horror in general is a great source of what the arts of The Bosk would look like in real life. They were definitely worshiping The Low Red Sun on Summer Isle.

4. A Dark Song, a 2016 horror film that actually revolves around the performance of a very famous and important real life occult ritual. I think a lot of the visual imagery in that film can give some inspiration for the kind of Rites our player character in Cultist Simulator is performing.

5. The Lair of The White Worm is a movie loosely based on a Bram Stoker story and is also very much a Gods of Stone overthrown by forces associated with humans raised to Divinity and the powers of the Sun and Apollonian principles type of story. Plus the whole Worm/Wyrms thing going on. I also recommend it because it's one of the more light-hearted and comedic entries on this list and I want some variation in tone. Also its psychedelic visuals compliment a lot of the surrealist elements that are tied to things like the Moth Principal.

6. Black Swan isn't explicitly supernatural but it is very Dancer Coded.

7. The Hellraiser movies, but only the first second, fourth, and the reboot. Leviathan, being associated with pain and pleasure and having the name of a mythical sea monster is probably very similar to whatever the hell The Tide was before The Red Grail vored her. The Cenobites are Long with Grail, Knock, & Forge as their Principals.

8. Pan's Labyrinth, for the Woods and the Bounds appreciators. I also think there is something to be said about the fascist subtext that underlines much of the Edge Principle, especially in The Colonel that can be explored and appreciated in this film and its reckonings with the evils of Spanish fascism.

9. To compliment the recommendation for the Magic Lantern films, also check out the short film The Wormwood Star, you can find it easily on YouTube and it's another piece of art heavily influenced by Thelma and stars Marjorie Cameron who I will talk about more later in this list.

.

.

Game Recommendations:

1. Hollow Knight, it might as well be a story set in the era of the Carapace Cross. Sentient bugs, mighty Wyrms and dream gods with the powers of light but not necessarily moral goodness. Even the Void in Hollow Knight, and it's antagonism to The Radiance is very similar to The Nowhere and it's relationship with the established hierarchies in The Mansus.

2. The Silent Hill games, particularly the entries that revolve around The Order; like 1,3, Origins, and Homecoming. Dream worlds, Sun worship, the Dark Feminine and female psychics/mediums with deep associations with blood, birth and menstruation. Valtiel is totally a Name. Even the fog and mist of Silent Hill is giving The Bounds and it's Forge smoke meets Woods darkness type energy.

3. Vampire The Masquerade Bloodlines, it's basically playing a Grail Long.

4. The tabletop games Geist: The Sin Eaters and Wraith: The Oblivion line up really well with the Ghoul / Medium DLC. *

(basically most if not all of the World of Darkness and Chronicles of Darkness tabletop games contain some themes, elements, or bits of World building that should appeal to anyone interested in the games created by Weather Factory)

5. The video games created by Korean studio Project Moon. Lobotomy Corporation has a lot of timers and simulation elements that have many similarities to those found in Cultist Simulator, and as the title implies Liberty of Runia takes place literally in a paranatural library just like Book of Hours even though the game play between the two is very different.

6. Fallen London and it's related media. The reasons why should go without saying. The controversies around AK aside, Echo Bazaar and Secret Histories are blood siblings and I desire more intersection and interaction between the respective fandoms.

7. The Bayonetta games have a surprising amount of real mythological and occult influence in their world building. The Solar Lumens juxtaposed with the Lunar Umbrans definitely has some resonance with Church of The Unconquered Sun and their on again, off again antagonism and allyship with The Sisterhood of The Triple Knot. The Apollonian natured House of the Sun contrasted with the Dionysian Woods & House of the Moo, and the Nowhere being connected to all three but being distinct; is not all together that different from the division of the Bayonetta universe into Inferno, Paradiso, the human world and Purgatorio between all of them.

8. The Shadow Hearts series of JRPGs are a Gothic, urban fantasy, historical fantasy, lovecraftian adventures around late 19th / early 20th century Europe and Asia. It has a lot of comedic elements and its world building and cosmology are not all that similar to the ones in Weather Factory games (barring their shared history as being inspired by Lovecraft). But if you want Lovecraft in video game form without the racism associated with his writings and you found Cultsim/BoH to fill that niche, then I recommend you give these games a try as well.

9. Secret World Legends, a functionally dead MMO but still incredibly fun to play and I think one of the best examples of urban fantasy / soft Lovecraft or post lovecraftian media in existence. Absolutely fantastic & memorable fully voiced NPCs and characters, really intriguing and rich world building and takes on mythology and folklore. Also given that you play as a quasi immortal with a deep association with bees and an ancient techno-organic goddess you're basically a Long.

10. To compliment the Lobotomy Corporation recommendation and the later SCP mention I think it's only natural that I also recommend the urban fantasy games of remedy entertainment like Alan Wake 1 & 2 and Control. Artists channeling / being used by Eldritch Forces in other dimensions and government institutions related to keeping a control on the supernatural are the most obvious similarities to stuff in WF games.

.

.

Visual Artists:

1. Francisco Goya, especially his Black Paintings, his insights into the witchcraft and folkloric traditions of the Basque region and elsewhere in the Iberian peninsula should be very appealing to fans of The Twins and The Thunderskin. Plus all of the Catholic imagery brings to mind The Mother of Ants.

2. Austin Osman Spare, Rosaleen Norton, and Marjorie Cameron. All three of these people were heavily influential occultists and illustrators/painters so their work is definitely a great representative example of the kind of occult art that you are making when you Paint in Cultsim.

3. Salvador Dali is also a relatively obvious, but I think very appropriate all the same recommendation. Surrealism is by and large the big big tonal influence on Secret Histories in my opinion. He also did a tarot deck so that brings in the Lucid Tarot connection

4.Erté, absolutely the kind of art and fashion you would find in Cultist Simulator's 1920's. Art Deco for days but also his works in particular show a more flowy and organic influence that we would more stereotypically associate with the Art Nouveau of decades prior.

.

.

Comic Books:

1. Alan Moore's run on Swamp Thing and Grant Morrison's run on Animal Man. DC's Red and Green (plus all the other elemental forces) are a deeply underappreciated and underexplored element of the setting, and I think they have a lot of similarities with the Principles we find in Secret Histories.

2. Related to the above, Alan Moore's Promethea and Grant Morrison's The Invisibles for an exploration of 20th and 21st century occultism. Despite the two authors general distaste for each other, their works are often very complimentary.

3. The Hellboy franchise doesn't have a lot of one-to-one parallels with Cultsim & Co. but they draw from the same artistic influences of gothic fiction, weird fiction, mythology and folklore and the occult. So I feel very strongly that fans of one would and should find the other to be enjoyable. Both fandoms need to be more active on this hell site and though there are a handful of quality hidden gems of fanfiction for both franchises I desperately need more people to be writing & reading fan fiction for both. Plus I do strongly believe that Mike Mignola' s art style would really excel at illustrating characters and settings from Secret Histories. His non Hellboy work is also recommended especially the works that fall under his Outervers setting, like Baltimore and Joe Golem.

4. Although I will admit that I am not up to date on it, and that there has been a considerable amount of discourse around the quality of its storytelling (especially within the past few years) I would recommend the webcomic Gunnerkrigg Court to fellow Cultsim fans. Alchemic imagery, interesting reinterpretations of folklore and a setting and tone that is quintessential British urban fantasy / science fiction, Gunnerkrigg is in my opinion a work that has a lot of appeal for fans of WF's games and stories.

5. Lackadaisy Cats is an awesome Webcomic and animated web series. 1920s/ 30s gangsters and bootleggers in the form of anthropomorphic cats! And absolutely beautiful Art Deco illustrations! What's not to love.........

.

.

Anime & Manga:

1. Any of the anime directed by Ryūtarō Nakamura especially Serial Experiments Lain and Ghost Hound(this one is seriously underrated in my opinion.) Surrealism is the name of the game as I've said earlier.

2. Le Chevalier D'Eon, both it's manga and anime even though the two are very totally different and have divergent takes on a similar premise. Historical fiction that reinterprets 18th century historical events through an occult lens is so very very Secret Histories. Plus both works have interesting explorations of gender and the nature thereof. It helps that as far as we know the French monarchy's Secret Histories equivalent are associated with the Hours, my personal headcanon is that Louis XIV was Lantern Principal aligned, and Louie XVI had Knock as his Principal. Also the manga version of the story has a lot of its magic system based around the Tarot.

3. You can't recommend D'Eon without recommending it's biggest inspiration (apart from Rose of Versailles of course) and that would be Revolutionary Girl Utena. Edge Dyads for days with that one. Utena and Anthy are totally The Twins. And the whole show and it's movie are full of surrealist pseudo occult imagery practically to the bursting.

4. Baccano! , a light novel / anime series that's about a bunch of immortal Mobsters in the 1920s and 30s. I mean that's basically The Exile DLC right there.

5. xxxHolic and Legal Drug / Drug & Drop, by CLAMP. A shop that grants wishes and a pharmacy that handles the paranormal are both the kind of businesses that I could see existing alongside Morland's, Oriflamme's Auction House & The Ecdysis Club. Plus both manga are hella gay and I will push my Weather Factory games are inherently Queer pieces of media agenda till the day I die.

.

.

Theater, Operas, Music and Albums:

1. Jimmy Page's unused soundtrack for Kenneth Anger's Lucifer Raising. Definition of Occult rock and role.

2. Kiki Rockwell, especially her two most recent albums Rituals on the Bank of a Familiar River, and Eldest Daughter of an Eldest Daughter.

3. Stravinsky's Rite of Spring might just be the closest we will ever get in real life to an occult ritual in the form of an entire ballet like we see in Cultist Simulator and Book of Hours. Definitely a skill that could fall under the Wisdoms of Birdsong and The Bosk.

4. On that note, Mozart's Die Zauberflöte is also full of Hermetic Elements, Lunar / Solar antagonism, mystical initiation and ritual deity impersonation. Mozart was a Freemason so the fanfic of him as a Heart Adapt practically writes itself.

.

.

Literally Fiction:

1. The webnovels Pact and Pale by wildbow. A magic system that revolves around incredibly hierarchical relationships between humans and mystical beings, where magic fundamentally requires discarding one's humanity and transforming into some kind of mystical being yourself is very similar to the Adapt to Long pipeline we follow in Cultist Simulator.

2. The Rivers of London series is one that I'm still familiarizing myself with but it's another example of wonderful British urban fantasy (that isn't the wizard books that shall not be named) The fact that the main characters of the series are magic police officers gives it a certain Suppression Bureau appeal.

.

.

Nonfiction- Philosophy and Occult works and Authors:

1. Georges Bataille!!!!!!!! If you only pick one thing from this list to investigate further let it be the philosophical works of this man. His theory of religion as it relates to concepts such as economy, sacrifice, and eroticism you literally completely change how you understand The Hours and The House Without Wall.

2. Aleister Crowley, and any of his students, especially Kenneth Grant. He really is the quintessential modern English occultist, whether or not AK and Lottie intended it, the DNA of his beliefs or those of his Golden Dawn contemporaries, or his students is all over Cultsim and BoH. The Red Grail is like, so blatantly Babalon it's kind of ridiculous.

3. The Book of English Magic by Phillip Carr- Gomm & Richard Heygate, is a good introductory source of information on the history of magical practice and occultism on the British isles.

4. Occult Paris by Tobias Churton is a fascinating insight into some of the mystical practices that were en vogue in Europe just a few decades prior to when Cultist Simulator takes place.

5. Atlas of Cursed Places by Oliver Le Carrer. I could totally see some of the places documented in this book as being locations you could send your Followers to in Cultsim.

6. Please read everything you can that is academically critical about Greek magical Papyri. There are tons of resources for reading translations and analysis of these documents that are some of the most foundational examples of what real historical magical belief and practice actually looked like.

.

.

Web Original Content, Podcasts, YouTube Channels and Tiktok Recommendations:

1. Greedy Peasant over on Instagram and tik tok does fascinating content related to Catholicism, medieval history and art, and other related topics. If you like all of the interesting reinterpretations of Christian religious iconography into sun worship that happens in Book of Hours I highly recommend his content.

2. The last few years have really seen an incredible ecosystem of academic scholarship on religion, mythology, occultism and esoteric philosophy develop on YouTube. Channels like Esoterica, Angela's Symposium, Let's Talk Religion, Religion for Breakfast, Jackson Crawford, The Modern Hermeticist, The Archaeology of Ancient Magic, and others are just overflowing gold mines of accessible and easily digestible but still academically critical and pseudoscience and conspiracy theory free information about mysticism historical occultism and esoteric religion and mythology.

3. There are also a number of great YouTube channels that aren't academically critical but are run by actual practicing witches and occultists and they offer fascinating and interesting insights into these same topics but from a lived more personal perspective which is just as important I think to learn about as the academically critical sources. Great channels include Benbell Wen, Maevius Lynn, Marco Visconti, & Nordic Animism.

4. In terms of fictional internet media, SCP is so broad that there's a lot of stuff that is completely different in appeal from what is enjoyable about Secret Histories, but there's also so much overlap. I need crossover fanfics and fan art more than air!!!!!

5. Lastly this is a fiction podcast so it's a little incongruous with the other nearby recommendations but, I cannot stress enough......... The Mangus Archives and Magnus Protocol!!!!!!!!!!!!! There are a lot of key differences between those two podcasts and Weather Factory games, but there are so many similarities that I have to write an entire three other posts about how similar the settings are and how I want to write a crossover/ fusion fic. I've seen like, one or two pieces of fan art and fanfiction that was related to both series but in my humble opinion it's not nearly enough. I really really really really really need Cultsim fans to talk more about Magnus and I need Magnus listeners to play these games soooooooo badly!!!!!!!!!!

.

.

.

.

.

.

Well that mostly concludes this piece of propaganda for the time being, will probably make another post with further additions in the not so distant future. Feel free to reblog this with any other pieces of media that you think would also be appealing to fans of Cultist Simulator and Book of Hours.

[1d1195]

Most III

Read Most here | ~ 6.1k words

From me: I might be changing this from 5 parts to 6 parts 🎉 I wanted to get further in this section, but felt like a good place to stop as well.

Warnings: I think this part is more fluffy than the last couple, but of course there's some angsty stuff hiding in here too.

Summary: There are about 200 question Harry wants answered. But he can barely ask one because she's home. She's got a lot of worries. But maybe most pressingly, is finding out if Harry's moved on.

*Six Weeks Earlier*

Addie and Carter were arguing over the inconsistencies of the movie they were watching with what was recorded in history. Addie was obviously winning. But she thought Carter just liked to see her riled up, like to have her argue just a little because she got so excited when she did. She was so passionate, and it made Carter’s face glaze over as she showed off her expertise.

As they quietly bickered on the sofa, she was at their little kitchen table.

She was looking at apartments for rent near her mom because Addie was probably holding out on asking Carter to move in solely because of her. There weren’t a ton of options—no real surprise on her end. She didn’t want to live in the same town as her school as she thought of post-graduation and how it would be flooded with students, and she thought that parties outside her apartment wouldn’t be conducive to writing the next best-selling romance novel. (If she could muster the strength to go through such a feat.)

Her quest brought her to another search engine, and it seemed as if it was the holy grail. Reasonable rent, new building, new appliances, semi-walkable—it seemed too good to be true.

It was. Truly.

There was one issue. But only one. Her browser’s location services were majorly off course—the last time she visited the website must have stored her old info. Back when she thought she was going to have to find a place of her own because her mom was going to move away, and she was going to need a way to stay close to Harry.

The location was the life and town she left behind were part of the new building’s address. Her email pinged with a message regarding her schedule for the semester. All online classes so she could focus on working and writing as much as possible.

For a second, she forgot. Forgot all about her heartache and the pain she probably caused. He was probably over it by then. She hadn’t forgotten, but she figured three years later, he must have. But there was this pull on her chest to call him. To tell him about the place. Hi baby! I found a place for us to live. Do you like it?

With a shake of her head, she pulled herself out of it and examined the floorplan.

Addie and Carter were still debating. “—The American Revolution is constantly blown out of proportion,” she told him knowingly.

It pained her to interrupt, but it was now or never. “Do you guys think I should still jump?” She asked quietly. They both turned to her. Tilted their heads in curiosity. Almost simultaneously. Carter turned away first, pausing their movie and Addie was already crossing the room to look over her shoulder.

“Oh,” she blinked. “Oh,” she looked at the address for the apartment building. “You... you want to go back?”

Carter followed over and smiled, sat next to her, squeezed her arm. “That’s awesome,” he smiled. “Of course we—”

“What about your classes?” Addie frowned. “We’re supposed to have a year.”

“Well, I can’t keep living here when you’re days away from asking Carter to move in,” she rolled her eyes. Carter chuckled.

“I’d pick you over him,” Addie grumbled.

“Hey!”

“Oh please,” she laughed shaking her head. “I would never make you make that choice... don’t you want to have weird shower sex without me around?”

Carter smirked, his cheeks turning red slightly as he looked at Addie knowingly. “Told you that you were too loud,” he winked, kissed her cheek, and headed to the kitchen to start something for dinner.

Addie glared at him for implying it was her fault. Then she stage-whispered. “He does this thing where he turns me so that the angle—”

“Addison.”

The girls giggled. Then she turned to her laptop again. “My schedule just came through. My classes are online... there’s no apartments by my mom or aunt...” she swallowed feeling the anxiety creep up from her stomach. It moved to her chest, then her throat making her voice quiet. “I just think... if I go now... and I see that he’s moved on then I can... I can too. A reset.”

Addie stared at someone who was sure to be one of the most beautifully talented, insanely intelligent, and incrediblysuccessful authors of the 21st century. She was so honored to have her in her life and be her best friend.

Even if she was an idiot. “You really think he would have moved on?” She wondered.

She shrugged, hovered her mouse over the link to apply for the apartment. “Wouldn’t you?”

There was a pause as Addie watched her. “I’m going to run to get some ingredients,” Carter said tugging Addie toward him for a swift kiss. He grabbed his keys off the counter, then kissed the top of her hair as well. It made her blush because quite frankly, other than flirting at the restaurant, she hadn’t had physical male affection in years and even Carter’s assuring hand squeezes made her a bit flushed at times.

There was nothing at the store; he didn’t need ingredients. She and Addie had gone shopping the day before for all the food they could ever want (at least for the week). But Carter was perfect, and he knew when they needed their girl time.

Addie took the notebook that resided at the end of their faux-dinner table. She kept it there for inspiration. She never knew when the mood would strike to write something and since her best writing was often done at the table—be it essays, some of her favorite ideas, or just a grocery list where her handwriting looked nice—she liked to have something to work from when she was stuck for a thought. Addie lifted the cover slowly. Her heart took off, terrified of someone else seeing her most personal thoughts. But instead, she stayed silent, and Addie pointed to the inside cover.

A heart with her name and Harry’s written in the center took up majority of the space.

“When’s this notebook from?”

A brief pause as she tried to date it from visual and handwriting. There were so many notebooks she owned it took a moment to figure out which was which. “I was... ten,” she swallowed.

Addie nodded and went to the coffee table. She removed a cup of tea off the cover, a few hundred rings lined the blue cover as if it were truly a coaster and not one of the notebooks that would be in a museum about her famed author-life hundreds of years from now. “When’s this one from?” She asked and held out the nearly identical inside cover—another heart bearing two names.

She didn’t need much time to identify this one—it truly was her favorite. The evidence and words that reflected the first time Harry told her he loved her were written within the pages. “Sixteen.”

Then she went to the bookshelf tucked in the corner of their main room. This notebook was wedged between copies of novels she refused to part with, even though they hadn’t been read in years and they weren’t necessarily her favorites, but they were a part of her love of writing and books throughout school and home: Of Mice and Men; Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry; Perks of Being a Wallflower; The Kite Runner. Books she didn’t think of as romances but books that made her feel. The purpose of the notebook that resided among those titles was to remember those feelings even if they were painful. “This one?” She wondered.

“Eight,” she whispered. She started that one when she read her first Babysitter’s Club novel. “But I wrote in it last week too,” after she finished Where the Crawdads Sing.

There on the inside cover was the same heart and same names as every other notebook.

“What about the one on your nightstand, for your dreams?” Addie asked.

She blinked, looked at her lap. Twenty-one... I bought it last week when I filled up the one before it that I used for dreams. I liked the green and gold pattern. It reminded me of his eyes. But Addie already knew all that. There was a picture of Harry on her fridge. The two of them on his final day of school, her arm around his waist and his draped around her shoulders. They were just kids there. Unknowing that a year later she would break both their hearts. Sometimes she looked at that picture and wondered what it would be like if she didn’t leave. Maybe she would still be in the very same spot. Because Harry would have grown tired of her and their hum-drum life.

“I know I didn’t move on, though, Addie.”

“He didn’t either,” Addie put her notebook back safely between The Princess Bride and My Antonia.

“Addie... you don’t know him.”

“You don’t write fifteen notebooks worth of love poems about a man that doesn’t love you even half as much. Even if he loved you an eighth the amount that you loved him, you would still have the greatest love story ever,” Addie was confident. Watched her friend wordlessly as she processed all that.

After several more seconds of silence, she finally answered her. “Twenty-seven,” she mumbled.

Addie stared at her in awe. She loved Carter, but truly, her best friend had the greatest love story she had ever heard. “Yeah, exactly.”

Her attention went back to the available apartments. She frowned as she looked at the screen. “They’re all fifth floor,” she closed her eyes. It seemed like an obstacle set out to change her mind. “Maybe I shouldn’t do it.”

Addie was back at the table and pushing her hands out of the way. “So you don’t go on the balcony. It’ll be fine. You’re not going to live there so you can lounge and sightsee the view, anyway. You’re going so you can go back to him,” she reminded her. Not quite ignoring her fears but making sure they didn’t hold her back. Addie clicked the link for the first apartment and began typing in her information as if it were her own; she wrote that she was ready to move in within a month. “What if he hasn’t moved on? What are you going to do if you’re wrong and I’m right?”

It seemed impossible. Harry was beautiful, loving, so kind. Perfect. Why wouldn’t he have moved on?

There was this little flutter in her chest. It felt the way birthday candles flickered when everyone was singing, and the cake was brought to sit before the guest of honor. She grabbed the book at the end of the table and jotted a note down about how hope was often described as a flicker of light in the dark. When all seemed lost. But no one ever mentioned how darkness often came right after a birthday wish. How hope was really nothing more than a flameless candle.

Because of what she just wrote, she blew out a deep breath. “I hope you’re right,” she whispered as she closed the notebook again hoping her wish would come true.

*Present*

It felt like he couldn’t get back to the station fast enough. He left his coffee behind in the truck; only two sips taken from it. But it turned out it couldn’t compare to the adrenaline he felt then. He left his wallet behind in his locker. That didn’t matter, either. He didn’t need it.

Nothing else mattered.

He barely said goodbye to anyone and left his coworker to tell the rest of the shift why he was rushing to get out of the station. Normally, he took off his uniform before leaving but the thought of not seeing her, or that she was already gone had him sprinting to his car in the lot. Instead of his change of clothes he remained in his standard-issued navy-blue pants and the flame-resistant boots. Fortunately, he chose the station’s T-shirt and not the more formal button down for the day. It was the smallest bit more comfortable and slightly less ridiculous to be out and about.

Maybe she was just a figment of my imagination. He thought to himself. But his partner saw her. So unless he was projecting said figment...

She really was home.

To further his torture, his car and flow of traffic refused to go faster than the speed limit. It was utterly infuriating for his cause. He wanted nothing more than to just be there beside her. Nonetheless, he returned to where he last saw her car; turned right onto the street at the light and drove until something looked like she could be there. His heart was racing faster than it had in years. Adrenaline and excitement rushing through his body, making him sweat with anxiety. But it felt good. Like it was the best thing. It felt like he had just finished running. It was pure joy.

She was home.

There was an apartment building that seemed entirely too tall for their town. But he pulled into the lot wondering if he could identify the car that he saw on the road. He pulled into the spot beside it once he saw it, his heart in his throat. Harry took a deep breath, closed his eyes and tried not to panic. Scaring her off was his worst fear and if he did so, he might lose his mind worse than he ever had.

There was a metallic sound that hit his ears as he opened the door. Like the way a garage door opened. By the end of the lot was a storage pod, door open, and the sight of her from behind. Harry thought he was going to cry but he swallowed the emotion down. Slowly, he walked over, still terrified to scare her.

She disappeared deeper into the pod, and he heard a crunching, scraping sound. As he approached, he realized she was trying to maneuver a loveseat sofa out of a truck all by herself. There was a small dolly on the ground outside the storage pod entrance and Harry wondered if she seriously intended on lifting all the heavy stuff on her own like this.

“Fuck,” she hissed. The end of the sofa she was holding simultaneously dropped to the floor of the truck. “Stupid fucking—”

“Are you okay?” Harry asked instinctively. He went right into the storage pod as if he was moving in alongside her and was joining her because he had stepped out to grab something from his car and was just returning. It wasn’t the grand reunion he had planned, but to be fair, he hadn’t really thought about this moment in a long time.

Even the way her voice sounded when she cursed was sweeter than he could have imagined. She stuck her finger between her lips due to whatever injury she had inflicted upon herself. She shook her head with irritation. “I swear I’m a magnet for those stupid staples they put on the fabric and frame,” she inspected her finger and then pinched it into her hand. Effortlessly, he grabbed her hand. Like he hadn’t missed a day of touching her. He cupped her hand in his, inspected her finger himself. “This is like the tenth time this has happened to me.”

“I think y’need a new couch then, kitten,” he chuckled. It wasn’t his intention to just fall back into the way it was before she left. But it was without thinking—instinctive and natural. It made her heart ache to hear her pet-name from his lips. She sighed and gently tugged her hand from Harry’s and shook her hand, ridding herself of the minor pain. Harry turned and looked at the variety of furniture within the storage pod. Given he had been to her house no less than one million times, he recognized the couch he had also grown up with. The coffee table that they put their feet on when they watched movies. The table in her kitchen where he had so many dinners with her, he couldn’t count it. “Y’mum coming back?” He murmured terrified to hear the answer but desperate to know why he was seeing her in the flesh after all the years between them.

She shook her head. “No... she’s living closer to my aunt now in this tiny one-bedroom place. So, she had a ton of extra furniture. This is all hers. I’m just picking what I like best.”

His heart felt like it was going to explode out of his chest and jump into hers and live there, the way it was supposed to for all this time. “Y’moving back?” He tried to keep his voice even, so it didn’t sound so hopeful in case he was wrong. But he hoped. He hoped so badly.

“Yeah,” his heart swelled as she nodded shyly. But then her face contorted into a strange expression. Harry tried to place it but he hadn’t ever seen it on her face. Especially not in front of him. Was it...anxiety? About him? That seemed wrong. “Um... if that’s okay?” She asked looking at the ground briefly before gazing back at him.

Why she was asking didn’t bother him nearly as much as it should have. How she could possibly think he was going to decide such a fate was beyond him. But he was immediate in his answer; anything to get rid of the weird expression on her face that made him realize she was thinking about how she needed permission to live in the same town again. He nodded quickly. “’Course!” He almost shouted it. Cleared his throat awkwardly. “I mean... s’not my decision really... but... It’ll be... nice t’have y’back,” he was so worried he was going to scare her off. He was glad he wasn’t holding her hand any longer because he was sure his hands were sweating something fierce.

“Yeah? That’s good. I’m...” she took a deep breath. “I’m really glad I’m back,” she looked at him with those beautiful eyes that he loved more than anything. That gentle smile that made his heart race.

“Good,” he murmured because if he said anything more, he was worried he would cry or ruin whatever moment of bliss this was. She was real and in front of him.

“Can I help y’move this?” He asked.

“Absolutely not,” she shook her head.

He frowned and tilted his head at her. “You are obviously getting off work and I have made you do way too many furniture moves over the years and I don’t think it would be—”

Harry pulled his phone from his pocket and sent a message to his group chat with their friends. “The rest will be here in a bit.”

“No, they’re not,” she looked alarmed. “Harry, you’re joking.”

“Y’know them, kitten. They’re going t’be so excited—”

“Harry, they hate me.”

They didn’t have a lot of time alone. Harry gave them a forty-five-minute window to themselves. It wasn’t much, but he didn’t want to overwhelm her.

Professing his undying love for her after their time apart and begging for her back... he was hoping he wouldn’t manage that in forty-five minutes.

But the idea that anyone could hate her, when he was so completely, wholly, unbelievably in love with her even after three years of not speaking and nothing but memories replaying in his head... “They don’t hate you.” She looked at him nervously, like when they joined a lake party and people pressured her to jump off the plateau leading to the water. “Kitten,” he shook his head. “They missed you. They’ll be thrilled to see you.” She shrugged, unbelieving. “I promise,” he assured her and began distracting the pair of them before he said something ridiculous (even though I love you was so close to the tip of his tongue, it was absurd).

Harry took the end of the sofa that had snagged her finger. “Can y’jus’ guide it for me, kitten?” He asked. She nodded and helped get it off and onto the dolly. It was something small, but an effortless reminder that they worked so well together. They barely spoke, practically reading the other’s mind after all this time as they maneuvered the couch out of the storage pod. Once on the dolly, they made their way for the building in silence. “Elevator?” Harry asked. She nodded, continuing the comfortable quietness. “What floor?” He asked.

“Fifth,” she wrinkled her nose in distaste.

His eyebrows rose in surprise. It felt like a hug that she hadn’t got from him in a long time. The feeling that he remembered something about her. Which was ridiculous—she remembered everything about him. “Y’didn’t ask for a lower floor?” He pouted.

“There were none,” she frowned.

“M’surprised y’agreed.”

“It’s a new apartment building,” she shrugged and shook her head. She felt like an idiot for saying that to him. He probably knew it was a new building. Probably did the safety inspection himself. “Anyway, there weren’t many options around here...” It took every bit of Harry’s crumbling restraint to not invite her to move in with him right then.

He missed her. That went without saying. Worried he would still say something outlandish, likea marriage proposal, he broached a different topic. “How... how was school?”

“Really good. But I only have a semester left because I took all the summer courses,” she explained. “They’re virtual and I... I really missed it here... so I figured... I figured it was time.”

His heart leapt. Praying that he was one of the things she missed but desperately clung to his semblance of coolness. “Miss Smarty Pants,” he murmured with a smile. Then she laughed. Harry thought he was cured. All that time between them was nothing. She laughed, she smiled. She was his best friend. She seemed older, more mature, and somehow more gorgeous than he could have ever imagined. In fact, she was so pretty he felt his mouth move before he could think about it.

“Y’look beautiful,” he couldn’t help but say it as they got to the floor and she gestured down the hall for her apartment.

“That’s very sweet. I lost a lot of weight running around campus and work without a car,” she admitted. “Well... enough weight to...”

Harry sighed, shook his head. Wishing he could squeeze the insecurity out of her like a wet sponge. “Your weight has never had anything t’do with why y’were beautiful, kitten.”

The way her cheeks turned pink made him feel sick. Didn’t people compliment her while she was gone?

Fortunately, he didn’t have to suffer thinking about her lack of compliments for long. “You look great, Harry. But you always did. It was incredible seeing you on the firetruck,” she smiled fondly. “I’m... I’m really proud of you.”

The very pride she felt went directly to his heart, swelled in his chest, and bloomed warmth all through his body. Once more he tried to feign his excitement and overwhelming urge to wrap her in a hug he decided to distract himself. “Where do y’want it?” She took a deep breath and shrugged.

“I don’t know... maybe... against this wall for now, I can move it later.”

“Don’t hurt yourself, love,” he frowned as he settled it into position. He was already worried about how he would manage to invite himself back into her apartment to prevent any self-injury—especially from the staples in her furniture.

“I won’t,” she promised. “I was... going to have Lauren come by once I get settled a little bit. She could help.”

“S’nice. I see Lauren a lot at the coffee shop. M’sure she’ll be happy to see you,” he smiled sweetly.

With the sofa in place, it felt the slightest bit awkward. She worried she would do something insane, like kiss him and put her arms around him like she was his necklace. So instead, she thanked him. “Thank you,” she sighed. “For helping.”

“Of course, love. M’happy to see you. S’been...” he trailed off and shook his head. “Where’s the rest of your stuff?” He asked curiously. He also asked so he wouldn’t continue the end of his sentence about having not seen her in ages.

“Ugh,” she groaned and rubbed her hands over her face. “My storage unit is delayed naturally. There was a mix-up and it’s on it’s way cross country currently, no way to stop it so it’ll be...” she shook her head. “Ages. Until I see it. Fortunately, I have a good chunk in my car... but all my books, shelves, a ton of stuff I’ve collected since college. I don’t even have a glass to offer you a water,” she pouted.

He chuckled. “Oh... s’okay. M’fine, kitten.”

“It’s the principle of the thing, Harry.”

He smiled and looked around again. “S’nice here. The balcony is pretty.”

“I guess... but I don’t plan on going on the balcony unless necessary... this fear of mine is ridiculous. Can’t even enjoy all 804 square feet of it.” She glanced out the door to the balcony. “I don’t think we ever had a building this tall around here. The view, from what I can see, is so pretty. A new way of seeing our pretty little town like this.”

Harry’s heart fluttered erratically over the way she said we and our. But he tried not to panic and instead made himself useful. “Do y’want t’go out there t’get a better look?”

She shook her head. “No way. I’ll probably hyperventilate or throw up or something equally embarrassing.”

He snorted, smiling easily. “I’ve seen you throw up before,” he reminded her.

“I’m well aware, Harry,” she groaned. “That was so gross. Literally the worst. I don’t know why you stayed.”

“I agree it was the worst, but because I thought y’were dying. Not because y’were gross or anything,” he shrugged. “C’mon, I’ll show you,” he moved next to her at the window and unlocked the slider, pushed it out of the way. She watched him step over the little threshold and held his hand out to her.

It was the reason she couldn’t go on a roller coaster by herself or jump off the rope swing at the lake like all their friends did in school. She couldn’t help her mom hang up Christmas lights on the house and always paid Harry to do it for her. Her fear of heights felt irrational. Only a small percentage feared it. Harry was always quick to remind her that the small percentage still accumulated to hundreds of millions of people.

But even still, he held his hand out, waiting patiently and expectantly. Somehow, it was the easiest thing in the world to trust him. The feeling was electric, holding his hand. It was as if no time had passed at all. As if she had said ‘see you tomorrow’ instead of, ‘it’s too far for us.’

He squeezed her hand as she took cautious steps onto the balcony. A measly hand hold. Harry had touched and kissed parts of her that would never see a drop of sunlight but somehow the way he held her hand was more intimate. His palm pressed to hers, warm and familiar. His thumb stroked the back of her hand. It was perfect. It was slow and felt so safe. It was unreal how easily it was to revert to the time before. Harry was there, so she was going to be okay.

“Watch y’step,” he said softly. “S’a little uneven there,” he scuffed his shoe on the floor. “S’probably a support beam,” he explained. She nodded.

“I’ll have to put a little patio rug out here and a table and chairs so no one trips.”

“That sounds so cute. Can y’put a grill out here?”

“A grill?”

“I don’t know. I was thinking about that pound cake bread y’like with the strawberries? Or jus’ marshmallows.”

She smiled eager to hear more about what he remembered and what came to mind so readily. “Uh... I have to read the lease agreement. I’m not sure. Probably a fire hazard. Wouldn’t want you rushing down here because of me,” she giggled.

He smiled and squeezed her hand. He glanced back over the railing and admired the view for a moment. “M’not sure about the whole town, but a good chunk of it.”

“Is that the fire station way back that way,” she pointed and then put her free hand on the railing. Harry stood beside her, following the direction of where she pointed, proud that she was able to stand there without fear it seemed. It made him happy she still felt safe with him. “Yeah, I think so... Mum’s house is...” he pointed the other way. “Y’see the blue house? Four streets back from that.”

“Cool,” she grinned. “Do you live with her still?”

He chuckled. “No... I live...” he squinted a bit and pointed back towards the fire station. “You see the shopping plaza?” He asked. She nodded. “Two streets behind it. The small one.”

“It’s cute... I think,” she giggled again which made Harry chuckle quietly. “I like the trees.”

“I want t’put a hammock in and—” he released her hand to speak and gesture what his plan was with two of the trees in his yard. But she gasped the second he released her hand. Nearly tripped as she stumbled back away from the railing. Harry caught her around the waist before she could fall on the uneven ground. “Hey, careful—”

“Don’t let go,” she reminded him turning toward him slightly but trying to maintain as much distance as she could; given he was holding her around the waist, and she refused to let go. It wouldn’t be fair to him to get too cozy in his arms the way she would have a few years prior.

“Oh,” he swallowed. His heart raced with nerves and anxiety. Part of him felt shame for not realizing what that would do to her. He should have known. He knew how nervous she got about heights. Especially from the level they were on. “M’sorry, kitten.”

She swallowed; her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. “No, I’m sorry. I was just... I don’t—”

“No, s’okay,” he promised. “I won’t let go,” he assured her and took her hand again (even though he would have preferred to have her stay in his embrace). “I wasn’t thinking.”

She bit the inside of her lip. “It’s not your fault.”

“No, but m’sorry. Didn’t mean t’scare you, love.”

Harry was way too nice. If he was smart, he would have pushed her off the side of the balcony for making him so sad the last few years. “It’s really okay, Harry. I know you didn’t—”

“But I should have—”

“Harry,” she squeezed his hand silencing his sentence. “You don’t need to apologize. I promise. I’m just nervous, you know.”

It was quiet and Harry sighed. “Yeah, I know.”

They could have stayed on that balcony for the rest of their lives if it meant Harry was going to hold her hand and they would stay rooted in that spot. They were silent and watched their not-so-little town, filled with bustling cars and people. “It feels bigger,” she whispered.

“Well, y’did go t’a school with the population of sixteen people and a moose.” The laughter that came from her mouth was like pure magic. Harry swore he never heard anything sound so sweet.

Once they both stopped giggling, she wanted to know more about his hammock and what he planned to do with his yard and other things. She wanted to hear about his career and school and everything in between. As she was about to ask, Harry saw the cars pull into the lot.

Sarah and Eleanor in one vehicle, the boys in the other. “C’mon,” he murmured and pulled her back inside. Silently, they made their way down in the elevator to the parking lot once more. The five of them were grouped together near the back of the two cars, huddled together conferring.

“I bet it’s a creepy shrine. Like he’s going to do a séance to get in touch with her,” Louis suggested.

“She’s not dead, Louis,” Eleanor rolled her eyes. “I’m just worried that he’s finally gone off the deep end,” she frowned.

“Well, it can’t be worse than him asking Lauren where she is all the time,” Sarah grumbled bitterly. Mitch put a hand on her back and gently rubbed the bitter tension from her muscles soothingly.

“Who knows, but he asked for us to bring him pizza, so that’s a good sign, right?” Niall asked.

“They’re going to hate me,” she whispered under her breath as they approached quietly.

“Shh,” he squeezed her hand.

“Can I just say that I’m really worried we’re going to have to call the authorities about him?” Louis asked releasing a massive breath, like it was painful to say the words out loud.

“No, I was thinking the same thing,” Sarah nodded in agreement. “It’s right around the time she left and you know how he gets—”

“The first year was the worst,” Mitch reminded everyone.

“You guys really thought I would text you and tell y’where t’find m’body?” Harry asked. They all turned to the pair of them. Their words disappeared into the air. Silence spread between all of them.

“Holy shit,” Louis whispered.

“Pretty weird of him to ask you to bring pizza if that were the case,” she swallowed nervously. For her whole life these people were her best friends and she abandoned them as much as she abandoned Harry, their town, and everything that was good. She looked at the five pairs of eyes that were unblinking as they processed what was happening.

Niall dropped the pizza. “Oh my God,” he was first. He broke into a quick stride and wrapped his arms around her the way Harry dreamed of doing for the last forty-five minutes. He kissed the side of her head and Harry was just so overwhelmed with jealousy he tried to focus his attention on anything but the way he felt utter dread seeing Niall hold and kiss her the way he had ached to do so for the last three years. “How are you, princess?” He asked.

“I’m okay, how are you?”

“Out of the way!” Eleanor hip-checked Niall before he could answer and wrapped her arms around her the same way that Niall had. Further fueling how jealous Harry was. “Make yourself useful, Niall. Order more pizza!”

“I don’t even have plates or enough seats to have you all in and—”

“Did you think we would get all fancy?” Sarah asked and gently pushed Eleanor aside to get her own hug. “We’ll sit on the floor and eat off the boxes.” Mitch was next and murmured something in her ear that Harry wanted to know desperately, solely because her cheeks turned that pretty shade of pink so much.

Louis was last. Because as hurt as Harry was, Louis was a close second. All of them mourned for their friend in their own ways—even though she wasn’t truly gone. But naturally they put their own grief aside for Harry. But she was back now. Sure, Harry was ready to forgive her instantly, but Louis would be a harder sell it seemed. “Hi,” she whispered. Louis looked at her pensively, making her gulp.

“Hi,” his voice was curt and filled with distrust.

She looked at the ground. “Pretty crazy about Messi, hmm?” She looked back up at him.

“Don’t tempt me, darling,” he grumbled and finally pulled her into a hug. He kissed the side of her face and held her for a long time. Louis also whispered something in her ear, and she nodded against him.

“Well,” Eleanor clapped her hands together. “I was wondering why Harry said we needed to wear comfy clothes. Point us in the right direction, babe. Let’s get you moved back home.”

“You okay?” Sarah asked quietly, taking up the rear with Harry as they moved toward her storage pod. Peppering her with questions and falling back into old jokes and laughter within seconds.

Harry nodded, his heart finally started to feel whole. “Yeah," she turned back and met his gaze with a gentle smile. A smile that made him melt and feel like he could fly if she asked. "Finally.”

--

general taglist: @justlemmeadoreyou @justlemmeadoreyou @sunshinemoonsposts @loving-hazz @likeapplejuicenpeach

@straightontilmornin @freedomfireflies @littlenatilda @kathb59 @babegoals

@angel-upon @lilfreakjez @mleestiles @ameliaalvarez06 @canyonmoondreams

@summertime-pills @daphnesutton @l4rrysh0use @perfectywrong @foreverxholland

@lovrave @st-ev-ie @pandeebearstyles @toosarcastic03 @luvonstyles

@tenaciousperfectionunknown @classychalamet @love-letters-to-uranus @emmaawbr @crossyourpeter

@kissitnhekitchen @kittenhere @stylesfever @indierockgirrl @michellekstyles

@just-another-reader1098 @hermionelove @tiredinwinter @whimsy-willows @hannah9921

@fangirl7060 @triski73 @vikiii07 @prettygurl-2009 @madstyles3204

@angeldavis777

most: @harryspirate

I'm sorry if I missed anyone in the taglist. Please let me know if you'd like to join, if it didn't work, if you no longer want to be included, etc. :)

If you like this, check out my masterlist here

[pavedinashes-if]

About the previous anon regarding the assault ask, i think they meant that we were unable to defend ourself, atleast thats how i view it. It was something that bothered me too. The fact that running away or getting saved are the only options is kinda upsetting. Im sure there are people who dont want to be saved when they are plenty capable of saving themselves, that scenario felt kinda railroady. No need for the MC to be cqc specialist or anything but there are ways to write aroune it. I wanter to ask why it was that way but there was already too much variables in the story and i didnt want to bother you with something less than half of the readers might come across. Trigger topics are no issue for me but the way i see it is content like this making the mc look weak and require saving will upset people and sour their mood for the rest of the story to come. Its better to give options here rather than walking on eggshells, unless its plot relevant ofc. I hope you dont think im being demanding, you did a great job in the demo but this was one part i found issue in when replaying.

SPOILER!

Hi anon, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can understand the thought of prefering your mc not to appear weak. It's not about strong or weak... it's about control indeed.

We have to be - unfortunately - realistic here tho. Before the attacker draws the knife, MC can run. If you ever are theatened with a knife, run. And this is something that would be advised by professionals. Even trained professionals would avoid a confrontation with somebody drawing a knife at all cost, because the risk of injury or death is immensly high. Only if not avoidable there would be a "defend / fight back / unarm" option that might eventually work for a trained and experienced (!) person.

This is not a superhero story or overpowered MC. An MC held at knife-point will have to face consequences if acting out.

Guess, in the end this is my choice as an author. And I hope that is okay 😉

I def don't see an MC fighting back due to realistic risk analysis. No person ending up in such a situation should ever be considered weak. Not the tiniest bit. This can happen to anybody (!). Those 5 years of Krav Maga are not the holy grail. Sry.

Btw, the save option came later. This path was meant to be run or die in the first place 😉

Comment:

The next bug fix has a bit of flavour adaption to meet more variations.

[cipher-grailwar]

Cipher Holy Grail War - Wave 1, Day 2 - (Lancer, Archer, Berserker)

The Lancer duo wandered the streets, looking around, with readied weapons. An ambush could come at any moment, and they had to be prepared for any and all attacks.

So, they were prepared for the gunshot.

Oryou narrowly moved Ryouma out of the way, the bullet piercing one of the nearby buildings. She looked around, before her eyes snapped upwards- Ryouma following her gaze- as they both saw the woman in the sky.

ORYOU: "…There's an enemy."

RYOUMA: "Thanks. I see her. Archer, I presume?"

The floating woman smiled, as she readied another round. She was floating aboard her own artillery, standing triumphantly over the Lancers.

NOBUNAGA: "What gave it away? The guns? Well, you know my class-- what about yours? Should I call you 'Saber'? Or maybe Rider? Perhaps 'Caster', with that ghostly-looking woman floating behind you?"

ORYOU: "Boo."

RYOUMA: "We are Lancer. Forgive us for not using our spear, it's a pretty important weapon, so I'd rather not flash it around so casually."

NOBUNAGA: "…Is that so? What about the small army closing in?"

Their attention shifted, as all three Servants realized that there was another force slowly closing in on them. The soldiers continued to march forward in rhythmic pace, more shadowed bodies emerging from the darkness as they drew closer and closer.

RYOUMA: "…They're not mine."

NOBUNAGA: "So, it's probably the work of another Servant then… well, don't think this is a 'team-up' situation. My artillery can handle both you and these half-rate warriors. Better watch your back."

RYOUMA: "...If that's how it has to be, then so be it."

RYOUMA: "…I'll take Archer. If I need help, I'll shout. You fight off the wraiths."

ORYOU: "…Got it."

NOBUNAGA: "Hmm… so you're the fodder. I'm more interested in Lancer, so go ahead and die so the real Servants can fight!"

BERSERKER: "▂▂▃▃▄▄▅▅▂▃▃▄--!!!"

The shadowed warriors let out a roar as weapons were raised, and the small army charged furiously at the other combatants.

All three Servants are unharmed!

The skill boosts are...

Nobunaga: +7%

Ryouma & Oryou: +1%

Unknown Soldier: +6%

SKILLS:

Oda Nobunaga

TRAIT: When engaged in a Free-for-All (while not Playing Defensively), all other participants are given a -3% demerit. If attacked while 'Playing Defensively'', they do not take the ambush demerit.

Unifying the Nation by Force (A Rank) - Nobunaga's power increases when fighting against an enemy possessing a higher rank of Mystery.

Tier 1 (Against ???): +5% boost.

Tier 2 (Against Lancer, ???): +3% boost.

Tier 3 (Against Berserker, ???): +1% boost.

The 'tier' a Servant falls into is revealed upon engaging with them the first time. In a Free-for-All, this does not stack- only the highest boost is applied.

The male Lancer seems to be someone with low Mystery, while the female Lancer possesses a strong Mystery. This dichotomy lands them in Tier 2! The Berserkers possess a constantly shifting mix of Mystery. This lands them in Tier 3!

Strategy (B Rank) - When fighting in a Free-for-All, she gains a +2% boost. No matter the battle type, if Nobunaga is encountering a Servant that she hasn't met before, she gains a +2% bonus to her poll results.

SAKAMOTO RYOUMA & ORYOU

TRAIT: Lancer-Class Servants are fast and agile. If they end up in the bottom 2 of a 3-way confrontation, if there’s only a 5% difference in scoring between them and 2nd place, they make it out unscathed. They also gain a +2% boost when engaged in a battle, both 1-on-1 and Free-for-All.

Dragon of the Reformation (A Rank) - When engaged in any type of battle (except ambushes), the Lancer-trait passive boost is increased from 2% to 4%. When Ambushed, while they do take the demerit, they're given a flat +2% boost for the round as well.

White Orochi of Takachiho (A- Rank) - Demerits against Ryouma and Oryou are reduced by 2%, and the Lancer-Trait of avoiding damage is increased to 6% rather than 5%.

THE UNKNOWN SOLDIER

TRAIT: If engaged in a 1-on-1 fight with another Servant, they get +5% to their final combat poll results, and when engaged in a Free-for-All, they inflict a -2% demerit on their enemies as well.

True Name Discernment (Warlord) (D) - An aggression and awareness targeted towards those who commanded others to their deaths. When fighting against specific enemies, their boost changes.

Tier 1 (Against Archer, ???) - +4% Tier 2 (Against Lancer, ???) - +2% Tier 3 (Against ???) - +1%

The 'tier' a Servant falls into is revealed upon engaging with them the first time. In a Free-for-All, this does not stack- only the highest boost is applied.

The Berserkers seem to show aggravation towards both Lancer and Archer, though Archer seems to earn the majority of their ire! Archer falls within Tier 1, while Lancer falls within Tier 2!

Madness Enhancement (Distributed) (A) - Each time a body is lost (as in, when damage is taken), they gain a +3% boost to their damage. They also get 1 more 'health' than other Servants... however, they cannot use Command Spells to restore health. (Current Boost: 0%)

[ash-says]

Cheating Anxiety With Me

Seatbelts tight? Hands Steady? Are you still shaking? No, then lets rideeeee.

Anxiety the feeling of dread, uneasiness, fear, shaking, restless, heart beating rapidly, etc

Coping with anxiety is difficult especially for the mentally deranged girlies. No hate I love you all. You are just so my type of people.

Today I am going to tell you how to deal with it because you know what I say, "Kill or get killed."

The classic deep breathing technique: Start from 1 breathe in to the count of 4 then hold at 5 and breathe out from 6 to 10. This will help in evening out your breathing and slow down your heart beats.

Move, Sway and twirl: You feel an anxiety attack taking over you the best way to tackle all that excess energy released through FFF hormone is by MOVING YOUR BODY. Exercise. Dance. Run. Anything just move.

Sleep: Yeah, you read it right. Just shut down your system and sleep. This is my personal go to. Overwhelming anxious thoughts, feelings, anything we let it marinate over a nap. Works wonders for me.

Talk to a friend: Another personal go to. Sometimes the feelings are so loud, disturbing and dark that sleep is no longer an option. At such times talk it out. Seek a friend. Best if they are physically present with you. Ask for a hug. Loving touch. Don't be embarrassed. It does wonders. Trust me.

Nature therapy: One of the ways I accidentally discovered was that trees, plants and flowers can be extremely calming. No one to rely on. Go and hug a tree. I promise you it works. Social anxiety? Okay I got you also covered. Buy some fresh flowers or if you have house plants touch them. Inhale their scent. Graze the petals or leaves lovingly and tenderly. Feel them. It will calm you down.

Sugar saves the day: Okay some people might come at me for this one but honestly anything sweet is the holy grail for dealing with it. Now the trick here is not eating desserts and chocolates but rather fruits like grapes, banana, watermelons, etc. Basically eat healthy things. We don't want diabetes now, do we?

The 333 rule: This one goes like name 3 things in your surroundings, identify 3 sounds and touch 3 things. This helps in distracting your brain and calming down your wreck of a system.

Positive self talk: Keep on repeating like a broken record that it is going to be okay and you will get through it. As loud as your inner thoughts get that much loud this self talk gets. Basically overpower that annoying bitch inside you. Winning is the only option.

Identify the triggers and face them: Literally be a detective and find out your triggers and then put yourself through it by yourself until it becomes a normal thing for you. I am not advising this for dangerous things but you can try this on smaller triggers. Example: A song, a scent, a topic is a trigger to you. So now listen to that song, inhale that scent, read things around that topic willingly and train your brain and body to tackle it so that when it comes up suddenly your brain doesn't go in survival mode.

No to drugs, alcohol and risky behaviors: You should be going to them over your dead body. Please I am begging you don't indulge in them. Yes I am asking you lovingly, with teary eyes please don't do this to yourself. Don't punish yourself more. The world is already a harsh place if you won't be kind to yourself, who will be then?

Bonus one: Find a strict no bullshit friend who isn't afraid to call you out on your toxic behavior, put you in your place and is ready to be the pillar on which you can rely on. Because we are not able to differentiate in right and wrong during those times. Its really difficult to maintain the moral compass. That's why you need a community of trusted people to hold you down.

Fight your way back. Because this world is a cruel place babygirl. You do anything to survive. If you are still dreaming of a saviour. Dream on.

[baratrongirl]

One of my Holy Grails came in this morning.

Last January (2024), a Japanese company called fav's room Tokyo did a collaboration with Capcom for Ace Attorney scented reed diffusers (like incense, but instead of burning, there's a solvent which evaporates to fill the room with scent). I have asthma and avoid scented products because I enjoy continuing to breathe, but I was incredibly excited by the pre-order can badges. I've never seen these designs anywhere else and they're nifty.

TL;DR I checked Japanese Mercari and Yahoo! very regularly and only saw the Phoenix and Edgeworth badges for sale, at extremely inflated prices (e.g. 7500 yen for the badge when the entire set with diffuser was only 4400 yen new). I saw the Klavier badge once for the equivalent of $10 US and of course it went instantly because that was a stupid price.

Anyway, the other day I just happened to find both Klapollo badges in the same auction (!) and hit "Buy It Now" on Buyee. I wasn't going to wait for my friend in Japan to get back to me, when I needed it with the power of a thousand burning suns :D

Today they turned up. And I was immediately stunned by the size. I'd expected standard 55 mm badges, but these are 75mm! That means they won't fit in the space on my badge board which I'd carefully allocated for them.

The badges are almost as big as a Bean!

Klavierbean and Apollobean measured the badges with their Klapollo ruler.

And discovered that they are 75mm wide!

I don't have a lot of Holy Grail merchandise left. There's the original Garyu Wave necklace from 2007 that I've given up finding at a reasonable price, along with a pair of small badges of Klavier and Apollo's faces. There's a 15th Anniversary keyring of Klavier which basically Does Not Exist at any price. (If I didn't have the matching Apollo, I would question whether it even got made.) And an official Garyu Wave t-shirt which I have seen in auctions, but only for Japanese S and XS sizes, and I'd probably be a 3 or 4XL in Japan ;D

I'm going to be selling off a lot of my spare merch soon, just as soon as I've figured out reasonable prices. (The prices on eBay are horrendous, easily 4-5 times more than you pay in Japan, and I don't believe in ripping off other fans.)

[aqua-dan]

hello!! Do you have any Garth comic recommendations for someone (me) who has never read a Garth comic outside of a handful of TT issues before?

Hi!! I definitely have some recommendations! This definitely isn't a comprehensive reading list by ANY means (although I do want to make one eventually!), but rather a small smattering of Garth centric comics that I think are fun or noteworthy! (These are also not in any particular order, just written out as they come into my brain lol)

Tempest (1996) - Obviously the Garth holy grail! There is no better Garth comic than this. It is peak and honestly one of the best books DC has ever put out. It's short, too (only 4 issues), so it's not too intensive of a read.

Adventure Comics #269 - "The Kid from Atlantis" - Garth's first appearance! Don't get too hung up on the lore here, as it changes later on, but it's a sweet issue and obviously important!

Adventure Comics #270 - "The Menace of Aqualad" - I love this issue for a multitude of reasons-- including the fully unintentional foreshadowing,-- but mainly I love it because it showcases what a sweet person Garth is and always has been.

World's Finest Comics #133 - "Aquaman's New Partner -- Aqua-girl" - Again, the lore needs to be disregarded, but this issue fascinates me as an early iteration of Garth's insecurity about where he stands with Arthur/feeling useful.

I probably shouldn't list everything individually so this post doesn't end up being a mile long, haha! So I'll start putting some groupings together:

Aquaman vol 1 #14, 18, 23, and #33

The Brave and the Bold #54

Teen Titans vol 1 #11 (not particularly Garth centric but just especially fun to me lol), #17, #19, #28, #29, #44-end of series. (Side note that @ttwasteland has a really good podcast covering volume 1 of Teen Titans! Actually, they have a lot of Teen Titans podcasts! Which is really useful for those who struggle to read Silver Age comics + I am immensely pleased with Hub's Aqualad enthusiasm!)

The Brave and the Bold (vol 3) #10

Death of a Prince (Technically, I recommend reading all of it, since it'll help you understand how things got to this point. But especially Adventure Comics #452 and the Aqualad stories in #453-455.)

Tales of the Teen Titans #85 & #86 + Teen Titans Spotlight #10

Teen Titans Spotlight #18

Teen Titans Spotlight #21

Aquaman vol 5 (Yes, all of it lol)

Showcase '96 #1

Teen Titans (Vol 3) #12-16

JLA/Titans

Titans (vol 1) At least the Devin Grayson portion, but I don't dislike the later stuff either!

There are also storylines that I think are fun or important that happen in across various books/stories (Obsidian Age, Aquaman vol 6, other (Teen) Titans stories, Blackest Night, CoIE, dare I even say Sword of Atlantis...), but I'll save those for a more in-depth reading list some other time! These ones are just popping up in my head rn.

If you want N52/Rebirth stuff, there are also a few stories that are pretty good. Sadly, they're pretty few and far between since canon changes and DC tossing their character bibles have left poor Garth in an odd, largely OoC limbo for years. Although I don't /love/ these stories as much as others, they still manage to vaguely pass the vibe check:

Nightwing & the Titans in Team Building (Robin 80th Anniversary 100 Page Super Spectacular) It's not super Garth centric, but it's fun!

Aquaman 80th Anniversary 100-Page Super Spectacular #1 - “It’s a Family Affair”

Aquaman 80th Anniversary 100-Page Super Spectacular #1 - “Lady in the Lake”

World's Finest: Teen Titans & DC's Spring Breakout "Relay for your Life" Garth's characterization in these... isn't right, but I feel like it has the spirit more than the vast majority of things published in recent years.

Titans (2023-) I... don't totally feel right putting this here, but I feel like slowly... extremely slowly... they are starting to fix Garth's characterization. We're not quite there yet-- and it is sadly written by Tom Taylor,-- but I feel like it's going to lead to something that's actually good for Garth again. (Aka so many hints towards a potential new Tempest mini-series or one-shot have been dropped lately, and I feel like this series will be context important.)

Ok, to try to finish this out: Also consider watching some stuff with Garth in it like Aquaman (1967) TV show / DC Super Hero Girls (2019), or reading some cute, non-canon series such as Tiny Titans! It's just good fun!!

Anyways, thank you so much for the ask!! I hope this helps!!! (And thank you for allowing me a chance to ramble lol!)

[zeravmeta]

It's kind of intersting where you are saying this is a wake up call to recgonizing fgo's subpar gameplay because on my side it's very much just "we don't like servant coins" for the most part. Heck the fact that nobody has gotten to point of realizing you can do all this with three stars which lasengle active making five stars worse is another werid development. I've only seen only a few comments talking about if you're f2p these things aren't really relevant. Not that I don't agree fgo biggest weakness is that once you get burn out on the gameplay outside of few boss battles you aren't getting any enthuism back imo. And currently the only thing lasenagle does it just repeatedly buffing units through different ways rather than introduce unique gameplay meachnics that go against the normal grind set like Eli quest and Grailfront(In my personal opinion I think the greatest issuse is the fact that doing these things would equlivant of having a consistent ongoing event that need to be updated and I think you need a whole team for that for speicifcally that.) But the fact people angry more express that they care enough about the gameplay to get angry about the lack of acess to it because of basically a pay wall or well I haven't seen many people connect the dots to the gameplay itself being at fault. Also i couldn't tell from reblog what did they backpeddle again? It seems like they were already planing to revise the servant coin distrabustion and the fact they are expressing they openly said going to give the coins back and with eases adds more to the idea than takes away imo.

I kind of wanna address these points a bit just to make a larger point abt why this anniversary and the servant coins thing rings hollow and sour for a bunch:

I wouldn't say 'wake up call' is the right words, but rather 'this was the straw that broke the camels back'. As broken as FGOs gameplay is, something i will begrudgingly credit it for is that all content IS clearable even by low rarity units. Even the hardest challenge quests from things like fest events or certain story fights can be cleared from a full 3* and lower + 5* friend support comp. So of course, then begs the question: If gameplay isn't the main reason to summon (unless you're a tierlist slave for efficient farm comps for Some Reason), why summon at all?

Well, for your faves, of course. FGO gives you a ton of resources and shiny buttons and knobs to make numbers on your blorbo higher, meaning that the whole point of these extra resources is just to sink into a favorite character and get to experience the story with this talking png on hand to be your friend/lover/hater/slash/etc.

Servant Coins were a broken whale mechanic on inception due to being strictly gacha dependent, not only in how you acquire servant coins but in how little return there is for getting said servants. Summoning for a 5* is already infamously terrible, but not only do you need them for grailing above Level 100, but also for append skills? Realistically, the only reason to go for these resource sinks *is* for faves, and in fairness some dedicated players/whales save a whole bunch of sq just for their one/two favorite guys (regardless of if they actually get them lol, you can save over 1K+ and still not even get a single rate up servant). It's very likely that some of these people Did save all their sq to then have all the necessary servant coins to ultimate max their favorite guy.

but to then ask even more from them, to sink even more into the most infamous gacha in all gachas just to maybe have a chance to marginally improve them? That was just a slap in the face. Mind you, a lot of people talk about how these latest appends are actually the most gameplay defining in how they can lower skill cool downs, which is def a huge buff compared to other appends/stat buffs and even skill buffs, but that type of discussion misses the point that this was one of the greediest changes ever done, especially for a game whose base gameplay hasn't really been improved, optimized, or significantly changed in any way.

You can tell even the devs knew that Servant coins were a broken greed mechanic from inception, since they had retroactive refunds for 4-5* servants (but not 3*s. grr) and from the outcry of this anni they walked back some of the changes and even gave out a second overall refund of servant coins, but ultimately this is another bandaid solution to the core issue: FGOs gameplay just isnt fun.

People put up with FGOs gameplay to get to read FGOs story, and we're just at the point where it's not getting to be worth it anymore. The visual novel masquerading as a gacha is being killed by its own status as a gacha.

The truly frustrating thing is that there *are* legitimate ways of playing FGO which CAN be fun, specifically challenge quests and Grail Fronts. Those are the two types of play that actually make FGO's gameplay work to an extent, and yet these types of changes are just never made in any permanent way. Past boss fights are locked forever, previously cleared challenge quests are lost forever, they just do not repeat these gameplay opportunities, and this goes hand in hand with another issue, one which I would say is the true root of all FGO's problems:

They fucking lock past story content

When me and other mutuals are heeing and haawing about having event reruns/a compendium, it's not just to talk about FGOs story being good, because it is! It's to make it so that newbies aren't fucking locked out of the MAIN GODDAMN REASON TO EVEN PLAY THIS GAME. IMPORTANT STORY CRITICAL EVENTS LIKE THE KNK COLLAB, GUDAGUDA EVENTS AND MORE ARE JUST LOST FOREVER TO YOUTUBE STORY COMPILATIONS BECAUSE THE BASE GAME DOES NOT HAVE ANY SORT OF COMPENDIUM FOR THESE PAST EVENTS.

Event Archives just WORK. You can look at so many modern gachas these days and see that they all have event compendiums for events they will not rerun, and the reason is simple: FGO popularized the idea of using a gacha to tell a story, so gachas put more stonks into their writing and dont limit that Very Critical Component Of Why People Would Play Their Game To Begin With.

But for some fucking reason, FGO just does not. Really think about this for a moment: People have put up with a near decade of terrible gameplay and corporate gacha greed just to read FGO's story. It's fucking good! But that's just not gonna be enough anymore when Type Moon is now using their fucking Das Rheingold of gacha money to make new/remake vns. For all that people talk about FGO story burnout, I flat out disagree: People do want more FGO story, Samurai Remnant is a huge fucking testament to that and a major component of why I want an FGO console release, to be FREE from its gacha ball and chain.

People just don't want to have to put up with a terrible gacha system anymore to experience that good story.

[musictherapy611]

“Becoming Led Zeppelin”

(With a little Python thrown in)

(As well as a tiny bit of astrology)

Because I absolutely hate scrolling through long posts, I try never to inflict them on others. So, for the meat and potatoes, keep reading. (Possible spoilers ahead. It’s also pretty personal.)

I went with my son (age 32), who knows all the names of the band members and who played what instruments, and is well acquainted with their catalog - and that’s where it stops. On the other hand, I (age 66) know all that, plus have all their birthdays written in my planner, and know what “Obbs’ Tweedle” was. So I thought it would be interesting to compare takes on the movie.

Dinner first - we talked a bit about Monty Python - how I had been absolutely the right age for it when PBS started broadcasting the show, but since I grew up way out in the country - rural Michigan; down the road from a pig farm, even - there was no cable TV and I was denied the chance to watch. But now, as I finally commence my dotage, I am slowly watching all the episodes via YouTube. (I know I saw “Holy Grail,” in college, in the late 1970s, but I was extremely wasted at the time - weed was only a $5 fine in Ann Arbor then - and, to this day, I remember only the rabbit part and a little bit of Sir Robin. I really want to see it sober, but not on my phone.)

Anyway, off to the movie theater. There eventually were a couple dozen people there altogether - we had great seats (I thought), and when the lights finally went down we were ready to be delighted.

Every woman there cooed audibly any time a band member’s baby/boyhood picture was on the screen.

The filmmakers had the sense and good taste to let the live performances play through without voiceovers “explaining” things. We enjoyed those parts the most, of course.

We were astounded by how good they sounded after only one month of playing together. Although, as Son pointed out, “They’re all very good musicians, too.”

Jimmy can yammer all he wants about having a vision and making it happen, but I don’t think it’s possible in this day and age for a repeat, at least not any time soon - the stars were aligned just so when this all was going down. And there wasn’t such an overemphasis on marketability back then.

I was actually alive for all of that! In 5th and 6th grade. Every date they showed, I had a memory. “Oh, that’s when Jim (my big brother) came home from Vietnam,” for example.

The boys were all so reverent and touched when they listened to the Bonzo interview parts. There was zero interaction between the surviving members, though, no sense of connection - they all were interviewed separately (I want to tour their homes!) - I can’t help but remember the ongoing Page-Plant feuding, as well as Page and Plant not remembering Jonesy’s phone number back in the 1990s….

Son and I were very charmed by and impressed with Jonesy, who came across as very humble and chill.

The sound was more than loud enough to cover all my various eeps and whimpers, and there were lots of eeps and whimpers. Drooling, too. Though at least half the time it was the music (at optimum volume) getting me off, and not Jimmy hiding behind his hair.

We agreed the movie was much too short (at just over 2 hours). Where can we put in our requests for them to keep going with this?!?

Both of us loved the film, and both of us would love to see it again. (Although as stated in an earlier post, I would like to go with other like-minded women, and have pitchers of margaritas instead of a bottle of Dasani.)

The astrology part:

I think they need to put Jimmy Page’s picture next to “Capricorn” in the dictionary. He had the vision of knowing exactly what he wanted to do, and where he wanted to go - he had all the knowledge, and all the skills, and all the patience, and all the strategies, he needed to get there - a very structured, architectural approach to realizing his long-term vision - he was in command all the way. Jonesy and Robert and Bonzo had important parts to play, but it was Jimmy’s baby.

Robert spoke frequently of just wanting to sing - he’s a Leo! That desire to perform.

Jonesy speaking so often of his dad’s influence - that’s a Capricorn thing, too.

[glitterphilosophy]

Reasons why I would not have survived in 2014

Okay, so listen. I know all of us girls, me included, wish more than anything that we were teens during the 2013-15 girlblogger era. I'm 18, so in 2014 I was literally 7, and I never got the opportunity to be a Tumblr girl then, so I'm living my 2014 dream now! However, although i think I'm made for the 2014 life- living and breathing Tumblr, spending my days reading magazines and wearing cute pjs, pink everything and Victorias Secret, being my best most girly princess self- there are some things nowadays that I could so not live without! This post is to remind all the Tumblr girls how lucky we are to be here in 2025 (the new 2015) xx

1. Disney Plus- Disney Plus was only released in 2019! My favourite thing to do in the evenings is sit with a face mask and watch an old Disney movie. True Tumblr girls are obsessed with Disney, they were really missing out in 2014!

2. The bow trend- There are so many options for girly girls nowadays, I love that everything is covered in bows!

3. Stanley cups- Yall can hate all you want- I love my reusable water bottle. Mine isn't a Stanley, its another brand thats leakproof, with a metal straw and lid (and its way cuter imo), its baby pink and keeps my water cold for hours, I love it! I take it everywhere with me, it makes me feel so put together and like such a girly girl.

4. Skincare options- Tell me why abrasive sugar scrubs were normalised for the FACE in 2014? Everytime I watch old videos I am traumatized by their skincare routines, I honestly wonder what those girls look like now 😭 Even though I find the packaging kind of ugly, Byoma has done wonders for my skin, something I struggled with for so long! I couldn't live without clean skincare and my gua sha, honestly.

5. Clean girl makeup- 2010s makeup had its moment, and its beautiful, but matte makeup doesn't suit me at ALL. Some makeup I see thats insanely dewy or with loads of blush I don't love, but overall I much prefer a less heavy look with more cream products- those block brows were not doing me ANY favors.

6. Charlotte Tilbury- Kind of following on from the last point, there is something so VS angel about Charlotte Tilbury makeup. The packaging, the products, I'm OBSESSED. I love keeping my skin looking like skin, while still being cute!

7. Vogue Beauty Secrets- I don't know when these started, but the oldest ones I've watched are from like 2019. Theres nothing better than watching Vogue Beauty Secrets while getting ready in the morning!

8. Music- Don't get me started! Although I adore music from 2014 and before, 2016-19 was really where its at for me. I couldn't live without Thank U, Next, and some of my fav Taylor Swift songs only came out last year! Sometimes I just need to blast Brat to get through my day, and thats ok!

9. Ugg dupes- You can get them ANYWHERE, in so many styles too! I love my platform fluffy uggs and my ultra mini black ones as much as my regular real uggs, I would never have been able to afford so many options in 2014!

10. Heatless curls- My HOLY GRAIL. Was this a thing in 2014? I honestly don't know! I would not cope without my heatless curls set, not using heat on my hair has made it so healthy, and I look put together from the minute I get out of bed with basically no effort!

💐

[fuckyeaharthuriana]

What will you find in: The Last Knight of Camelot: The Chronicles of Sir Kay (Cherith Baldry)

Going back to the old series of "arthurian short stories" I used to do, where I write a brief summary about the short stories you can find in an arthurian collection.

"The Last Knight of Camelot" (goodreads) is a collection of 15 stories, the majority previously published in different magazines and collections and 5 completely new stories. All stories are very Malory-like and all revolving around Sir Kay (and they are high in whump). Gawain, Gareth, Arthur and Lancelot are the main other recurring characters.

The king who is to come (from "Legends of the Pendragon")

The story is set before Arthur finds out he is the son of Uther. It is kind of bittersweet, less adventurous than the others and it follows a hunt where Arthur and Kay have time for some reflection.

The Pendragon Banner (new story)

A fascinating magical story of the dragon in Arthur's banner at the battle of Badon.

Seeds of Destruction (new story)

Kay narrates to Gareth and Gawain of the night Morgause visited Arthur to seduce him. Probably my favorite among the whole book, as it also explores Kay's feelings towards an Arthur who is adapting to his role as king.

The Knight of the Kitchen (new story)

More on the adventure side, Kay and Gareth face some mercenaries and need to save Arthur and the castle.

Sir Kay's Ring (from "Sierra Heaven" magazine)

A fight between Kay and Arthur lead to disastrous game of chess.

Hunt of the Hart Royal (from "The Chronicles of the Holy Grail")

Kay wins the royal prize of a magical hunt and his reward is giving a kiss to the most beautiful lady, which usually ends in discord and anger among the knights.

The Avowing of Sir Kay (from "Paradox" magazine)

Driven by a wounded pride, Kay promises to Lancelot and the rest of the knights that he won't come back until he accomplishes a deed bigger than all their knightly deeds.

Sir Kay's Quest (from "Round Table Publications")

A mysterious woman brings to camelot a cloak that is able to reveal the true nature of whoever wears it, her intent is clearly to let Guinevere and Lancelot accept the challenge.

A Gift for King Arthur (from "Bardic Runes")

Kay is challenge to bring to Arthur a gift that could win the king's favor.

King Arthur's Ransom (from "Scheherazade")

Arthur is in trouble and the only way to free him is through trickery and dishonor. Of course, Kay takes this quest for himself.

The Flower of Souvenance (new story)

A maiden requests for a knight to save her lady, offering a flower that would make them knight invincible.

The Trial of Sir Kay (from "The Chronicles of the Round Table")

Kay is tricked into accepting a trap masked as a quest.

Sir Kay's grail (new story)

A bittersweet story that foreshadow the fall of Camelot. Arthur, Kay and Gawain are searching for a magic quest, in a world that increasingly seems to have forgotten magic.

A very short story about the changing court of Camelot.

In the Forest Perilous (from "The Doom of Camelot")

The Last Knight of Camelot (from "The Sharkti Vanguard")

A heartbreaking tale of Kay as one of the last survivors of Camlann. Probably my second favourite in the whole collection.

[neverstophyo]

we listen and we don't judge: shiftblr edition

do y'all ever get tired of saying shiftblr is such a holy grail?? because i do,, and after seeing increasingly more and more posts about how weird it can really be here i'm starting to question if this is really the 'place to be' for shifters of any kind at all

i opened tumblr after a long long time of not being on it and the first few posts i see on my dash are about how shiftblr is becoming progressively more toxic and repetitive and that there's also a lot of trolls & heated discussions

hell even for baby shifters or just anyone who wants information or to do simple research on shifting; it doesn't look safe here at all for them anymore because not only is it getting more toxic but the information you get is either 'tough/harsh motivation' , or the same things reworded slightly differently so they look like they have different premises.

-> you're basically learning the same things & techniques over and over but it's put in a way you don't realize it. repetition might help for things like manifesting, but when you're looking to learn new things it gets annoying once you realize most of the things you're seeing is recycled info.

i had noticed that a long time ago and eventually got bored of only seeing those posts so that's why i became less active

we GET IT you are all that you need to shift (ok i'm a victim of making one of those posts but i hadn't seen anyone else post about it back then) and we GET IT the law of assumption helps and bla bla bla are you gonna give me something creative now?? something that i haven't heard at least 20 times from scrolling through shiftblr for like 5 minutes??

"but shifting is so easy, what else is there to explain!!!" there are so many other things you can post & talk about regarding shifting. when you get the point across, you get the point across. and that doesn’t take up more than 2-3 posts in my opinion… but i can’t control your content

and i really do understand that it might give at least one person a wake up call they very much needed, but i don't need the same posts all over my dash, and other people probably feel the same. one or two posts will do, especially if the post is popular & reoccurs a lot so you can reread it until new posts get attention.

-> so, good for research? yeah we can scratch that... in my opinion, it used to be, but i suppose i'm too woke or something for recognizing the consistent message that everyone's putting in their 'advice' posts to the point it doesn't help me but it just irks me more

the second thing people love to say about shiftblr is that it's a safe space and non toxic. first of all that's physically impossible, all spaces are guaranteed to have weird/annoying people and second of all it's just not true... people are complaining about this specific troll which happens to be the same person up in everyone's asks even i feel the need to close my asks for a while :') and i just can't believe people actually have the will & time for this?? how do you NOT have anything better to do

however, that doesn't ease my growing feeling & realization that shiftblr really isn't the place i thought it was and it has definitely changed from when i first went on it. because this isn't the first, and most definitely won't be the last that we hear of trolls & toxic people trying to stir things up in a community that everyone used to think was kind & a safe place

in conclusion:

-> do not interact with content you don't like, this goes for both shifters and non-shifters. you WILL look miserable trying to cause chaos around things that really don't require the attention you're giving it. -> but also, educating is different from insulting & being harmful. educating is respectful, and if there's something you deem wrong then it's okay to do so. as long as you know what you're doing! -> block people that you don't want interacting with you and don't engage with them further to avoid potential conflict & more chaos -> a variety in posts would be appreciated 😭 but i won't comment too much on that because everyone should be able to post what they want if it's not harmful or anything, obviously -> try to keep this a safe place for both yourself and other people... please... you aren't the only one in this community and at the end of the day we're all just trying to get to our drs

ok rant time over bye guys

[sonqgmi-sims]

SIMS 2: My Essential Mods/CC

Hi everyone! I figured since I have been playing Sims 2 a lot lately, I'd provide my current essentials! Will update as I try more things, but this is valid as of February 1, 2024! ♥

Links for everything are under the cut! Found throughout MTS, Tumblr and other Sims Youtubers!

If any links don't work please let me know so I can try to find replacements!

View my video here!

AFTER INSTALLING SIMS 2 (Windows 10) Sim Shadow Fix: Fixes that weird shadow box glitch! Increase Resolution Fix: Have to go into the data files and alter some things to make it compatible for Windows 10!

NEIGHBORHOOD MODS Seasons Icons In Color: Colors the Season Icons in gameplay and in neighborhood view! Easy To Decorate Camera Mod: See more of the neighborhood map that you couldn't see before! CAS MODS Widescreen CAS Fix: Fixes the UI so your sim isn't covered! There's options for every resolution! (I use 1920x1080) More CAS Columns: Adds more Columns in CAS! Just like in TS4! Evie's Equal Genetics: Equal chance for offspring to receive dominant and recessive genes! 5 Custom Genetics Haircolors: Custom recolors for the Maxis hairs! Chocolate (Brown+Black), Sandy (Brown+Blonde), Icy (White Blonde), Auburn (Brown+Red) and Caramel (Brown+Red+Blonde)!

BUILD & BUY MODS Sim Blender: The holy grail of Sims 2 Mods. Can do anything with this! ACR: Sims autonomously Woohoo, Try for Baby, Get into Relationships, etc! Great for drama & storytelling! OFB Shelf Recolors: Beautiful wood recolors for the OFB Shelves! (The OG's were kinda ugly lmfao) Stay Things Shrub: Choose which items stay after a sim moves out! Monique's Hacked Computer: Pay bills, Order clothing, etc! Object Rotator: Rotate objects on an angle! Small, Large and End Tables! Lifetime Want Chooser: Pick your sims LTW!

LIFESPAN MODS 1 Day = 1 Year (Sims): As the title says! More realistic as I consider 1 sim day a year! 1 Day = 1 Year (Pets): Same as the Sim version, but for pets!

UNIVERSITY MODS Uni After Birthday Party: Teens can throw a birthday party and before blowing out candles, the game asks if you'd like to go to college first! Semester Changes: College is now 8 days instead of 24! Faster Uni Education: 24-48 Hour semesters! There Can Only Be One Professor: 2 per major seemed much, so I like this one! Generates less NPC's for me :D Doctors Need Degrees: Depending on your sims education/grades, they can either be stuck at career level 1 or 10!

GAMEPLAY MODS No 20K Handouts: As it says :) Now my sims aren't wealthy! Extended Family Treated As Family: Always hated it when second cousins could marry. This prevents it :) Community Time Project: Time spent on community lot matches with time at the home! Memory Manipulator: Hide/adjust Sims memories without using SimPE Break Up Via Phone: End a relationship over the phone! (Going Steady, Marriage, Engagement) 50 New Lifetime Wants: Adds new LTW's to the game! OFB Adopt Teen&Townie: Adopt Babies-Teens!

PREGNANCY MODS Shorter Pet Pregnancy: Pets give birth within 1 sim day! The default seemed way too long, so this is a must :) PregRel NL+: Can't find original post so I can't remember what it does, but I found a secondary version below! PregRel Compatibility Patch: Negative reactions to baby bumps if your significant other suspects cheating! Alternate Pregnancy Controller Lite: Possibility of your sims getting a miscarriage (Only had it happen once so far!) Triplets & Quads: Allows up to 4 babies to be born at once!

DEATH MODS Death By Childbirth: Morbid, but I like this for storytelling! Select Your Cemetery: When your sim lives alone and dies, a prompt shows up to move the tombstone to any lot! Now you don't have to cram the younger generations in your home ♥

MISC MODS/HACKS Last Name Copier: Edit/Change a Sims last name without using SimPE! Baby Pet Creator: Create a puppy/kitten with stray genetics! CJ Smart EP Checker: Does nothing, but it is required if you use any of Cyjon's mods! TS1 Prank Calls: Get the same funny and scary prank calls from Sims 1!

BONUS & EXTRAS The Christian Collection: On a MTS forum post, (look for Liv Lukas's post) but ChristianLov's mods are no longer able to be found separately. This is also linked where I put the Baby Pet Creator! Sims 2 Store Content: I only use the extra cars in my game, but there's loads of new stuff!

TOOLS SimPE: Edit ages, relationships, memories, family trees, etc! Sims2Pack Clean Installer: Used to install new lots and sims into your game! Mootilda's Hood Checker: Check any custom neighborhoods for corruption! Bat Box (FFS Lot Debugger): Similar to the Sim Blender. Here's the Vase version!

[liasxden]

Art of devotion: Chapter 5

Rafayel lied.

Butterflies were real, so damned real they didn't have the business taking up so much space in his stomach.

He had started showing up at the orphanage more often.

He told himself it was for the kids. For the art. To evade Thomas with the excuse of community and good deeds.

And yes, technically, he had promised to demonstrate fog-wash techniques and teach the basics of brushstroke breathing (a totally real thing he may or may not have made up on the spot). But really, deep down in the seafoam-shaded chamber of his heart, he came for one reason.

Mia.

Or as he called her, tiny sea tyrant.

Not quite three, as tall as a fire hydrant and sassy like she’d been born under a diva moon, with curly hair tied in chaotic ponytails and a glitter habit that could only be described as criminal.

She adored him. Which was unfortunate, because she also considered him her personal butler, horse, and emotional support pillow.

“Wafayel!” she announced one morning, marching up to him with the intense purpose of a tax auditor. “I need you for something important.”

He blinked. “Important like how important?”

“Big! Important like cake day. Important like water time!”

…So, a felony.

“Ah, the Empress returns,” he murmured, smoothing her hair as she beamed up at him. “Should I bow or bring an offering of cupcakes?”

“Yes,” she said seriously. “Also, come see my castle.”

“Your what now?”

She didn’t answer. Instead, she grabbed two of his fingers in her small hand and started tugging him down the hallway with surprising strength for someone who still needed help opening juice boxes.

“You’ll like it,” she promised. “My castle’s pink, and we have tea and magic juice and my lamb named Steven is the..." She put her tiny finger to her chin "Ah primary ministry.”

How did a kid even know about prime ministers? Anyway it was Mia. Or M-Y-A, here we were talking about. She probably knew about taxes too.

“…I’m sorry, did you say Steven?”

“Oh, Keep up.”

He let himself be dragged.

The “castle” turned out to be the nursery’s nap room, hastily converted by Mia and the rest of the under-five squad into a blanket fort empire. Inside were beanbags, crayon wall art, plastic tea sets, and the holy grail: a tiny pink chest of princess dresses.

Mia stood proudly by a beautiful crib. “This is where I nap with my no-sisters. And also where Steven does s’peaches.” She pointed at a limp stuffed lamb currently wearing a tiara and one of Rafayel’s old silk scarves. “He’s very poweful.”

“I can tell.” Rafayel said gravely.

Then, before he could say another word, Mia shoved a sparkly teacup into his hand. “You’re late for tea.”

“But—”

“Sit.”

He sat.

The tea party was chaotic. The tea was imaginary. The cakes were plastic. Rafayel had to pretend to eat twelve. He was knighted with a shoehorn and declared the “Duke of Butter Sandwichland.” At one point, Steven the Lamb gave a speech on friendship (as interpreted by Mia in an overly serious tone that reminded him eerily of his Aunt Talia).

Rafayel did his best to try to change his title to ruler of the Butterland but Mia said it was taken, thinking he was playing along Rafayel of course wanted to know who was the absolute fiend that took his title was, after hard earned horse carrying work. And just when he thought this couldn’t get any more ridiculous, Mia turned and began digging through a nearby toy bin.

“Wait—wait, I want to show you her” she mumbled, flinging a Barbie, a singing unicorn, and half a glitter sticker book over her shoulder until—

“Dis!” she shouted in triumph.

It was a slightly bent photo. Glossy. Clearly loved despite being very recent. Clearly handled often by tiny, grubby fingers.

Rafayel blinked as she thrust it into his lap.

It was you.

You, crouched down beside Mia, a lemon tart on your left hand, a streak of sugar on your cheek, and a lopsided flower crown made entirely of clovers perched on Mia's head. Your eyes sparkled mid-laugh. And even frozen in time, Rafayel could smell the memory: peaches. Peaches and warm sugar.

“That's...."

Come on get it together.

"Very lovely, who is she?” he asked, heart thudding.

Mia nodded solemnly. “Dat’s my bakin' teacher. She sings like a mermaid. And smells nice. And she knows how to make swirly cookies. With sparkles. She is the princess of stawberryland”

He stared.

“And she’s soooo pretty,” Mia added helpfully, rolling her eyes like this should’ve been obvious to him. “She even has a real tail.”

Rafayel’s mouth went dry.

What the-

“huh?”

Mia leaned in, whispering like it was the most sacred gossip in the world. “She said once, when I was ‘sposed to be asleep, that when she was little she had a tail. Like a fish! But pretty. Like mine when I dress up as Ariel. But she doesn’t show anyone.”

Rafayel stared at the photo. Then at Mia. Then back at the photo. "I think she is magic but sh Issa secret".

The hair was longer, your eyes more tired, but your smile… that smile was the same.

Suddenly, everything clicked.

That artwork that was displayed that had your exact tail colors, the traces of blood in the cerise. Subtle but a cry call of Lemurian lament The bracelet. Talia’s too-fast nodding. The not-so-subtle questions. The foghorn-worthy dodges. The glimmer of something familiar in a child’s laugh.

His Aunt had breadcrumbed him.

With weaponized toddlers.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered, putting a hand to his temple.

“Are you okay, Mr. Sandwich Duke of buttland?” Mia asked, peering at him.

He nodded slowly. “Just realizing I've missed peach pudding.”

Mia frowned. “You want a hug?”

He blinked. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

She threw her arms around him like a baby bear tackling a log, her tiny hands patting his back with expert toddler empathy. Funny how cuddly the little humans could be.

“Better?” she asked.

He nodded again. “Yeah.”

He was in fact, not very okay.

Verona 11:32pm

Talia received a single text from Rafayel.

You breadcrumbing puppet master.

I’m onto you.

Also: thank you.

She smiled at the screen, stirring her tea with the spoon he once tried to paint a seagull on.

Replying:

I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Also: you’re welcome.

Rafayel exhaled through a laugh, looking at the picture again—at you, at Mia’s proud little face.

Butterflies were real after all.

Real and so scary.

And maybe they didn’t flutter.

Maybe they painted.

Sang.

Baked.

Smelled like peaches.

Maybe they looked like you.

You’re ankle-deep in flour, elbow-deep in batter, and somewhere between the second cinnamon accident and the marshmallow rebellion, you realize: you’re definitely outnumbered.

The orphanage kitchen is a full-on war zone of giggles and sticky fingers. Tiny hands dart past you like sugar-powered hummingbirds, some wielding spoons, others brandishing frosting with the fearlessness of miniature warriors. Your hair is a mess—half tied, half escaping into whatever batter dares to get in the way—and you’ve accepted that you’re now permanently dusted in powdered sugar.

But you love this.

Integrating in the community started small, not directly putting yourself in front of Lemurians but getting close, slowly but surely.

It’s loud and messy and alive in a way that reminds you of the ocean when it’s playful—foamy and teasing, full of hidden things. You hum a tune under your breath, something soft and salt-sweet, and several of the kids stop to listen, caught by the melody like fish in a net. Briony, always wide-eyed and bold, stares at you with reverent suspicion.

“Are you sure you’re not a mermaid queen?”

You blink at her, laugh. “I mean, if I was, do you think I’d tell you?”

She gasps. “So you ARE one!”

You wink. “Let’s keep that between us and the cookies, okay?”

Briony nods solemnly like you’ve just sworn her into a glittery, frosting-covered secret society.

You’re mixing dough again when Ava, princess-in-residence and unrepentant truth-teller, tugs on your apron. Her curls are bouncing, her face is covered in what you sincerely hope is strawberry jam, and she has that look—like she’s about to drop a truth bomb and walk away.

“My art teacher,” she announces, “has purple hair. And he’s very handsome.”

“Oh?” you say, keeping your tone neutral as you scrape batter from the sides of the bowl. “That sounds...stylish.”

“He’s like a prince,” Ava continues, undeterred. “But, like, a cool one. With swirly art powers. And he could totally make a princess like you.”

You blink. “What kind of princess am I, exactly?”

“Princess of peaches and sparkles,” she says confidently. “You smell like both. He’d probably make your dress floaty and paint stars in your hair.”

Your heart hiccups. Something stirs. You glance out the kitchen window for no reason at all, like you’ll catch someone standing there. But the courtyard’s empty.

Still, the name echoes faintly in your chest, like a song you’ve forgotten the words to.

“What’s his name?” you ask casually, turning back to the dough. You knew it was Rafayel but denial was a river in Egypt you were deep diving right now.

Ava scrunches her nose, trying to remember. “Rafy-yel?” She shrugs. “Mr. Purple Paint.”

You drop the spoon.

“Sounds like a very talented man.”

Ava nods, pleased. “I think you’d like him. Mr. Charles says he is half seagull.”

Later, when the cookies are cooling and the frosting war ends in a declared truce, Mia waddles over.

“Come,” she says with the regal command of someone who has yet to understand age hierarchy. “I show you my new dress!.”

And so you follow her. Into the baby room, then she opens a drawer.

“Dresses,” she says proudly. “Princess ones. This one’s for baking. And this one’s for ball. And this one’s for dragons.”

You smile, utterly smitten. “You’ve got all your events covered.”

She plops down on a beanbag, rummages under a pillow, and then—very casually—pulls out a crayon drawing. It’s crude, as toddler art goes. But you recognize yourself instantly. The big smile. The flowy sundress, the hair. The apron... And next to you… a man.

Purple hair.

He’s holding your hand.

“That’s me and the pretty teacher who smells like clouds,” she says. “You sing like a mermaid. He’s got paints. You both my favrit.”

Your breath catches.

Mia’s already distracted by her tea set, muttering something about glitter cookies and assigning you the role of “Princess Peachberry of Snackland.” But your eyes are still on the drawing.

You trace it with your thumb, and your heart is suddenly full and aching, like the tide crashing into memories you buried long ago.

It happens like all the best mistakes do.

Fast.

You’re balancing a tray of cooled honey-melon muffins in one hand, a child’s forgotten stuffed narwhal in the other, and your head is a little fuzzy from too much powdered sugar inhalation. You turn the corner out of the hallway, mind already halfway into tomorrow’s menu—when bam.

You walk straight into him.

Or rather, he walks into you—but you’re the one who drops the muffins.

A strangled sound escapes from him, something between a gasp and your name. Your real name, not the one the kids call you. Not “Miss Peachy” or “Princess of Snackland”

“Coralie—”

You freeze.

You both freeze.

There’s a pause in the world, like time holds its breath. The kind of pause that carries too many things in it—loss and longing and "what the hell"—wrapped in a moment you weren't prepared to feel.

He looks—

You blink.

He looks exactly like you remember. No—better. Hair still the same ridiculous, inky violet that curls like it’s auditioning for a dramatic wind tunnel. A scarf you know for a fact he didn’t need but wears anyway. The faint scent of sea salt and something old and familiar that hits your lungs too hard.

His jaw works silently. His pink and blue eyes are wide, disbelieving. Like the universe just pulled a magic trick and forgot to warn him.

You, on the other hand, feel… oddly calm.

It’s a strange thing—seeing a ghost and realizing you don’t want to run. You’re not even mad. Not right now. Just... quietly floored.

He says your name again. Softer this time. A breath. Like he doesn’t believe you’re real.

And you—despite everything—smile. Just a little. “Rafayel.”

His knees almost give out.

“I—I didn’t…” He gestures vaguely at the air between you two, as though trying to push it back into something rational. “You—you're—you’re here.”

“Well,” you say, bending down to collect the fallen muffins, “unless I’ve become a ghost baker, yeah. I’m here.”

He crouches too fast to help you, and you both reach for the same muffin at the same time. His hand brushes yours.

He flinches.

You glance up at him. He’s still staring. Like he can’t quite believe his eyes.

Your hair’s longer than it used to be, and you’re thinner too—maybe a bit too much—but your face is still the same, eyes soft and sea-colored, with that tired, moonlit edge he remembers. And yet, somehow, you still look radiant. Not in a glamorous way, not the way Lemurian ballads described love interests—but like someone who has survived something vast and decided to keep going.

And that glow… gods, it knocks the air out of him.

He swallows. His voice wobbles. “I thought you were dead.”

You laugh under your breath. “That’s funny. I thought you were dead.”

A pause. Then:

“I got better,” he says, because his brain is melting.

“Clearly,” you answer, standing and dusting off your apron. “You’ve been teaching my kids how to paint sea monsters again. Mia’s been emotionally invested in the kraken for three weeks.”

His face contorts. “You knew?”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were the ‘Mr. Purple Paint’ until about a week ago. But I figured out someone was teaching them chaos disguised as art.” You pause, then arch an eyebrow.

He groans into his hands.

“I knew it,” you say, sighing with exasperated fondness. “That woman can outmatch any spy organization.” he said under his breath about Talia.

Rafayel looks up again, eyes still flickering between joy, disbelief, and about eight unprocessed emotions he hasn’t labeled yet. “I thought—when I dreamed of you—I thought it was just dreams. Like memory echoing. I didn’t dare think you were…”

He trails off, words not finding the right shapes.

You nod once, letting the silence settle with something softer this time. “Yeah. Same.”

The hallway stretches behind you. The scent of warm sugar hangs in the air. From the far room, a child screams something about glitter pancakes and someone else shouts, “Not the narwhal!”

You tuck the muffin tray against your hip and smirk at him. “So. You gonna just stand there having a breakdown or help me deliver these muffins?”

He finally smiles—lopsided, dazed, and very, very Rafayel.

“Right,” he says, brushing flour off your shoulder before he can think better of it. “Muffins. Yes. Muffins are real. You’re real. This is happening.”

“Mia likes the warmest one, make sure you give it to her first, she already took a claim on you”, walking ahead.

He follows you without thinking.

He always had.

Back then in water, and now on land.

'Welcome back, Coralie'