#i really want to compare this book to generation kill

[atomicradiogirl]

interesting quotes from war by sebastian junger

[bunnis-monsters]

🕸️Legend of the Drider🕸️

Bunni’s Monstertober Event(Oct1)

Male!Drider x Fem!Reader

Oct2

warnings: light web bondage, breeding, oviposition, possessive behavior, reader is a bit insecure about her body, body worship and praise

summary: You go on a trip, hoping to build your confidence before you go back to college. When you get trapped on a mountain during a storm, you realize a legend about spider people may be real when you encounter a horny one for yourself.

A/N: I don’t know much about college so don’t kill me if things are inaccurate 💗 also don’t expect all of the halloween posts to be this long, some will be short and some on the longer side >< also guess the inspo for this story in the comments…

my ko-fi if you’re feeling generous~

If you had known how your trip up a nearby mountain would end with you in the clutches of the spider creature you’d only heard of in legends, you would have stayed home that October day.

But you were bored, wanting to find some fun stuff to film and meet a cute stranger while you were at it. That’s why you packed your bag and left for the nearby tourist attractions.

First you walked through a big pumpkin patch, taking pictures with a 50 pound pumpkin. It wasn’t as impressive as some you had seen online, and you knew that wearing a burnt orange sweater while posing next to it would only bring on ridicule.

You weren’t thin, and if someone from your college saw that picture, you were sure they’d compare you to the pumpkin, saying it was your twin.

Well… you had never even really talked to a single in any of your classes. You weren’t the type that liked to socialize. Too many times had you been burned, finding out they were being your friends for a prank or had been talking about your body behind closed doors.

Part of you knew it wasn’t right to judge others before even meeting them. After all, it happened to you more times than you could count… but you were still too shy and insecure to take that first step into making new friends.

That’s why you took a bit of time off of college to try and build up your confidence. It was important to you, learning how to love yourself so you could truly love others.

Ever since you went through puberty you had been aching for someone to love you, to adore you with their entire being…

How would you even be able to believe them if you didn’t love yourself first?

So you laughed at the picture of you next to a pumpkin and placed it into your scrap book before packing it away in your backpack.

You repeated this at several tourist attractions, even finding the courage to speak to a few attractive men and women. It wasn’t as scary as you thought, they didn’t look at you with disgust or say anything mean. They simply spoke with you before giving a smile and going about their day.

‘Maybe there really isn’t anything to be afraid of after all?’

The last stop on your list was the Arachne Mountains, named after a certain legend surrounding the area.

“Huh… spider people have been sighted several times over the year, and there’s a reward for anyone that can catch them on camera…”

You squinted at the pamphlet in your hands, trying to read the small print at the bottom. “What does that say? It’s so small…”

With a shrug, you stuffed the pamphlet into your bag, pulling out the bug spray instead and spraying every bit of bare skin. Mosquitos just loved you, and you didn’t want to be itching the whole bus ride home.

As you walked up the mountain trail, you took many pictures, but mostly of the gorgeous scenery.

A vast forestry landscape spread out beneath you, and the mountain path winded through the forest. As you continued walking, the path worn down by several years of hikers began to become more overgrown and less accessible.

“Huh… doesn’t seem like anyone’s been this far up in a while…”

When you thought about it, the stand with all the pamphlets was abandoned and dusty, the window broken. You just assumed they didn’t have the budget to fix it… but now you were second guessing yourself.

And that’s when a storm hit. Earlier that day you had heard something about a thunderstorm on the radio, but it was supposed to be that night, not now!

“Shit!”

You ran through the rain, slipping on mud and losing your way. The rain was so thick you could barely see in front of you. Tree branches scraped against your sides and caught on your clothes, ripping your sweater and scraping you up.

By the time you were finally able to take shelter in a nearby cave, you were absolutely drenched and covered in scratches and scrapes.

You slid down to the ground, panting and taking off your sweater, now heavy with water. It plopped against the ground, and you reached into your backpack.

“Fuck…”

Your phone had no signal, and you wouldn’t be able to go down the mountain to call anyone until the storm died down.

You yelped, jumping up from your seat and backing away from the entrance to the cave when lightning struck close by.

This sent you further into the cave, nearly tripping on the uneven, rocky ground.

Most would expect a cave out in the middle of nowhere to be cold and damp, and smell of moss and dust. Surprisingly, the further you traveled inside, the more… “cozy” it seemed.

It smelled almost like cinnamon and felt pleasantly warm. This made your shivering die down, your soaked clothes forgotten at the entrance of the cave.

Little did you know, you were slowly being lured in deeper by the inviting warmth and pleasant smell…

The first sign that something was wrong was a skittering that could be heard further into the cave. The hair on your neck stood up, but you tried your best to reason with yourself.

‘It’s probably just some rat or bug…’

But as your phone battery went out and darkness enveloped you without your only source of light, the noise got louder as whatever was making it approached.

You yelped when something brushed against you, and tried to scream, but your mouth was covered and something sunk into your neck…

Darkness.

——————

When you awoke, you felt something warm yet sticky enveloping you, keeping you from freezing while trapping you in place.

You were barely awake when you heard a purr like sound coming from the dark corner of the cave. A man’s face was barely visible within the shadows.

He was handsome, his eyes a dark red and hair a soft blonde, almost platinum color. It seemed he had been the one to trap you there.

“Hello, my dear. You’re finally awake…”

As soon as you were fully conscious, you began to struggle against your bonds, finally looking down to see what was keeping you from breaking free.

“Are those… webs..?”

You felt almost faint, staring down at the whitish, substance wrapped around you. It looked like thick, velvety ropes, but they were so sticky that you knew that they couldn’t be.

“Indeed.”

The man began to move forward, the same skittering sound appearing once more. You looked on in horror as his lower half was revealed.

Below his torso was not a set of legs like a normal, no, it was the abdomen of a spider.

‘The legend… is true?’

You had been captured by one of the spider people of myth…

“You must be scared… you’re just a human girl after all, and I’ve taken you away.”

He reached out, caressing your soft cheek with his hand. “But do not fear, I’m not planning on eating you, little one.”

His hand traveled down your face to your shoulder, his fingers playing with one of your bra straps.

“Far from it…”

Your cheeks heated up as he easily cut through your bra, his eyes on your now bare breasts.

“I’m in need of a mate to carry my eggs… and you’re the only woman that’s traveled to this mountain in ages…”

He breathed against your neck, licking the bite mark he left there earlier. “God, I could hardly hold myself back the moment I saw you. Such a plump, perfect woman, you’ll carry my eggs well…”

You whines as his lower half creates more webs, keeping you suspended in air, but freeing your soft cunt.

Quickly, he tore off your panties as well, growling lowly at the sight of your pretty, fat pussy. “Oh, my little mate, already this wet? Perhaps this was fate, for me to be sent this angel from above…”

He plunged a finger into you, pressing against your gummy walls and stretching you out as one of his spider legs nudged against your sensitive clit, just enough to stimulate you and get you to cum all over his fingers.

“There we go… such a good girl…” he purred into your ear, beginning to stroke his monstrous cock. He drew out several orgasms from you, prepping your virgin hole for him.

Within seconds, you were lowered down, your hips hovering over his as he nudged the head of his cock against you.

“Gods, you’re so soft…”

He kneaded your fat belly and thighs, purring in delight. “You’ll make such a good mother… you’ve got child bearing hips, like you were just meant to carry my eggs…”

Soft nips and nibbles were left on your neck and breasts.

“Every ten years, us driders go out to find a mate that’s suitable for us. I am the last of our kind, so there are no females left for me…”

He smiled, beginning to push in.

“But you… are not just going to be the woman that carries my eggs. You’ll be my mate, and I’ll cherish you.”

It was uncomfortable and painful, the way his cock stretched you out. You gritted your teeth and he cooed, but wouldn’t allow you to close your legs, two of his spider legs kept your thighs apart so he could sink deeper into your fat cunt.

“Shh, shh… it’ll feel good soon, my love…”

And he was right, his cock stretched you in such a delicious way, hitting all the right spots and making you cry out in pleasure.

He mounted you, fucking into your needy cunt as he groaned into your ear. “Gonna take my eggs, okay? My sweet girl, you’ll be such a good mommy won’t you?”

Suddenly you felt something push into you. Was that…

He was cumming, eggs filling up your pussy and settling into your womb. Soon your belly would swell as the eggs grew and developed, but for now, you were tired…

He kissed along your shoulders and neck, nuzzling into. Slowly, he lowered you down from the webs, curling up with you in a dark corner of the cave.

“You’ll be pampered, well taken care of… never again will you worry about a single thing…”

As you began to drift off to sleep, you realized that this creature truly thought you were beautiful… it made you happy.

So you snuggled into him, too full of cum and eggs to really even try escaping. Why would you?

You were loved… you felt truly beautiful for the first time in your life.

“I’ll prepare a cabin soon, there’s plenty of abandoned ones nearby. Wouldn’t want my mate to be uncomfortable.”

The way he nuzzled into you was filled with such love and care. He must have been lonely, being the last of his species.

So you decided to stay… at least for now…

Want a part 2? Send me a kofi and ask for it~

————————

NSFW TAGLIST: @sunset-214 @strawberrypoundtown @avalordream @icommitwarcrimes @bazpire @im-eating-rn @anglingforlevels @kinshenewa @pasteldaze @unforgettablewhvre @yoongiigolden @peachesdabunny @murder-hobo @leiselotte @misswonderfrojustice @dij-ology @i8kaeya @lollboogurl @h3110-dar1in9 @keikokashi @aliceattheart @mssmil3y @spicyspicyliving @namjoons-t1ddies @izarosf1833 @healanette @lem-hhn @spufflepuff @honey-crypt @karljra @zyettemoon1800 @exodiam @vexillum-moeru @imperfectlyperfectprincess1 @binnieonabike @enchantedsylveon @mysticranger575 @readeryn68 @danielle143 @kittenlover614 @filthybunny420 @annavittoria-mm @makimamybelovedwife @blubearxy @omglovelylaila @toocollectionchaos-universe-blog @fruk-you-usuk-fans @wil10wthetree @hammerhead96-blog @slightlyusedfloormat

[flowersforthemachines]

Some facts about Harding gathered from the banters

I went through all companion banters on DanaDuchy's channel after playing the game to write down all facts about companions/the world that I haven't seen brought up anywhere in the game as a writing reference (and for funsies).

Note: This list may not be exhaustive. I might have missed some something or didn't write it down because I considered it common knowledge. If you have anything to add, please DM me or send an ask! (do specify what banter the information is coming from, though)

Note 2: Posts from this series (mostly) don't include information from banters specific to quests or between companions and faction members. I plan to do another playthrough to capture more of those and will add any relevant info to the character posts.

Other characters' posts: Bellara, Davrin, Lucanis, Emmrich, Neve, Taash. I'm also planning a post about just the Lighthouse some time later

Family and past:

Harding's parents split up a few years ago. Her father lives in Amaranthine. She's okay with that and thinks her parents are happier apart

Harding’s mother never taught her how to cook, she's entirely self-taught

Harding carries around the first letter her Mother sent her after joining the Inquisition

Harding doesn't have siblings 

Harding had a mabari named Contessa who passed away from old age

(If in romance) Taash offers Harding to get a mabari together

Time with the Inquisition:

Back in Skyhold, Solas once told Harding he was sorry dwarves couldn’t dream

Harding thinks that if she had never joined the Inquisition, she probably would’ve got married and tended to goats

Harding volunteered for the Inquisition because their soldiers kept scaring the sheep because they all had super old maps. And because she didn't want to spend the rest of her life watching sheep

General: 

Harding likes sandwiches, they are one of her favourite foods 

Harding finds Treviso very beautiful (who doesn’t) 

Harding would bring a bow, clean socks and a spoon to a deserted island

Harding likes books about blood and gore

Harding doesn't like killing, but she doesn't feel bad about it. She compares it to farmers having to kill wild animals that get too close to their land, as sometimes a quick kill can prevent more suffering (i.e. if a wolf gets inside your sheepfold, your own animals will die in pain)

She says that this kind of mindset is the reason why a lot of Inquisition scouts came from farmers, as they need to kill people when necessary (even if those people aren’t their enemies personally), but don’t go out looking for it

Harding likes almonds. They are crunchy :) 

Harding is fascinated by Minrathous’s nightlife 

Harding doesn't drink alcohol 

Harding really likes puns

Harding has fought a Stormrider dragon before 

Harding has a detailed and decorated scrapbook with her kills (with doodles. Including a cute giant spider)

Harding never visited Nevarra before the Veilguard, though she had heard of Cumberland’s Summer Exhibition. Emmrich disregards it as just a market with a horse show 

Dwarves and magic:

Harding finds herself more hungry than usual since getting hew new powers

Neve and Emmrich hypothesise that Harding developing Titan powers may have increased her lifespan (or even granted her eternal life) 

Harding describes using her magic as “touching something vast and eternal, a well, deep inside”. Lucanis says that it sounds similar to him using his demon powers

Relationships with companions:

Bellara, Neve and Taash call her “Lace”. Davrin and Lucanis call her “Harding”

Emmrich calls her "Harding" most of the time, though he calls her "Lace" on two occasions (in a banter about Emmrook, and the one where he talks about seeing her aura differently after he becomes a Lich)

Harding grows special plants for Davrin to help him mask the griffon smell in his room

Harding grows truffles for Assan

Harding lets Assan sleep on her

To Lich!Emmrich, Harding appears different from other dwarves. She has a special aura (but it comes and goes)

Harding buys an enchanted barbed arrow to take out Lucanis/Spite if push comes to shove. She later tries to give it to Lucanis and apologises, but he insists she keeps it as a sign of his trust

Harding finds Teia intimidating because she is “polished” (Lucanis disagrees but notes she keeps good track of all utensils Viago poisoned at the table) 

Teia called Harding fearless in a conversation with Lucanis

Harding invites Neve to her house in Ferelden after Neve's apartment in Minrathous burns down, in case she wants to get away from the Lighthouse 

Harding is very excited about Neve taking over the Threads (“Do they have to kiss your hand?”) and wishes she were a crime boss

Harding once dreamt of Neve stealing her strawberry tarts

Harding starts humming Taash’s name to herself after they get together

About gifts from Taash: 

Harding doesn’t use the archery bracer because it feels so special she’s afraid it could get lost or get dirty

She also doesn’t wear the hairpin because she’s afraid to lose it

Taash got the cheese in Minrathous

Conclusion: get Harding cheese, it’s the only thing she isn’t afraid to actually use

Garden and plants: 

It's enough to mention a plant for it to start growing in Harding’s garden

The Fade plants normally don’t need tending. However, they may begin to wilt if that’s what you expect them to do 

Smuggler’s Rose clouds the person’s mind if you are wearing it like perfume, letting you pickpocket other people more easily

Sage bane mixed with troll moss can be used to treat toenail fungus

[starsonablackboard]

it's fascinating to me that every member of the party pre- and during loops treats siffrin with some flavour of alienation. like, bear with me. this post is going to sound like im here to give a hot take that the party are Bad Friends, Actually, but i promise you that's not what i mean. you're with me? okay. let's go.

isa idolises him (in the having a crush on someone type of way).

mira views them almost as a book character (the whole "the aura! the mystique!" conversation).

odile calls them a child to their face multiple times.

bonnie is... well, bonnie. kid is coping how they manage.

in the very beginning of the journey we have isa and mira, who, out of all five, are the most familiar to eachother. they're from the same country, they both actively follow the change religion, they both occupy (or occupied, in isa's case) well-respected positions in society, they're very close in age and i would assume socioeconomic statuses. they share a lot personality wise, too. they're both anxious about not being enough, about not changing enough, they're both open and emotional and affectionate, they even both like romance novels! they are very in eachother's comfort zones. they are very understandable to eachother.

then there's odile. she is as different as it gets – she's ka buan (and well half vaugardian but nobody knows that), she's old, she has different religios beliefs and different history with body craft, she's confident, self-secure, reserved, sarcastic and at times cold and makes it very apparent that she's not into openly displayed affection. but also, she is actively choosing to be seen this way. she is comfortable with being perceived like this.

and then, there's siffrin. a mysterious traveler with mysterious past that doesn't like to be touched and never talks about his feelings. where are they from? what he believes? what did he do prior? why did they join them? noone knows. situation kinda similar to odile's, but kicker is, we know siffrin does not want to be seen this way.

mira, being a somewhat sheltered not very experienced young adult (she's from dormont with population less than a regular highschool class, and has been living in the house for some past years) with more familiarity with books than with real world obviously views them more as a cool character than a person. and i can't blame her! siffrin doesn't help her view them any differently either.

isa i assume catches feeling almost immideately (the whole journey takes less than a year, sif is second to last to join and we know that isa's crush has been going for months) and it's universally hard to not idolise and idealise the person you're having a crush on, so even tho isa is more experienced than mira, i imagine he fails to see siffrin as a whole person too.

odile out of all of them grinds my own personal gears the most. i love you, old wise lady, but oh god. the amount of times she refers to the party and in particular siffrin as kids or children is sure something. and the thing with kids is that you generally don't view them as equals, so, no "seeing siffrin as a person that he is" there either.

that's general dynamics. now to what interactions we actually see in game:

odile mocks siffrin for being forgetful. every time siffrin forgets a word, everyone reacts as if they don't remember that vaugardian isn't siffrin's native language. both isa and mira behave patronisingly towards them (jokingly, but still). the whole party spends some time comparing siffrin to a wild animal in the dictionary conversation, mira saying "what a perfect analogy" with stars in her eyes. one time siffrin desides to open up and tell them about stars, they mock him. when he kills that sadness more violently than usual, they all look at him as if he murdered a baby (i still don't really get why btw. they've been fighting side to side for months). the whole ghost event. ohhh ghost event my beloved.

all of these, for me, point to a very deep yet unacknowledged disconnect between siffrin and the rest of the party. the not-understanding. the unfamiliarity. the alienation. siffrin is other even in their own little ragtag bunch of misfits.

now AM I SAYING that means that the party is bad actually?? no!!! for every interaction i named there's multiple others with them being supportive and warm to sif. also, siffrin, famously, is very bad at telling when something bothers them, so noone whould even know if they were doing anything that upset him. and, on top of everything else, i think it's very natural for a party of very different people traveling in a lot of hurry and discomfort and plain mortal danger for months to develop a bond where "i would die for you, my siblings in arms, but i also will poke fun at your religion when it starts to sound too impossible for my worldview. what do you mean stars are there in the daytime too? don't be silly". i actually really appreciate their friendships being imperfect, because it's so much more interesting and thought provoking this way. like, I've been thinking about this for weeks.

and also, this specific type of imperfection plays into the core themes of siffrin's character. to be welcomed, adored, loved, even, but not understood. not recognised. not known. and to not even try to explain untill the world is literally ending.

[mythalism]

It struck me how profoundly uninterested the writers ultimately were in modern elves and elven culture. After 4 games, Origins is still the only one to offer up any info on them (with 2 adding certain tidbits) & it really hit me how colored their view is by their indigenous coding such that the elves aren't really shown to have any kind of society/civilization when compared to the dwarves 4 example, a people on the brink of extinction facing an almost perpetual Blight, yet still not solely defined by their struggle against the darkspawn. I don't mean to pit them against each other, but once I made the comparison I couldn't unsee it. We're challenged to show respect and learn about their customs & history as soon as we enter Orzammar and u cannot gain their aid until u fully engage with & submit to their political demands (Halamshiral wishes it had what Orzammar has!), your only influence is who comes out on top, and even that is a decision that has to be made by really getting a feel of their society and their different wants & needs, depending on caste & political allegiances. Whereas u can stroll into the Dalish camp and nothing stops u from only tackling the main quest, which is saving them from their curse (which turns out to be saving them from themselves<-a clue that'll become relevant later) by ideally convincing Zathrian to kill himself, an elf whose Hatred of Humans has gone too far (however justified his thirst for vengeance is) so he can be succeeded by Lanaya, a city-born elf who, despite being kidnapped as a child and kept as a slave, bears no grudge against humans. I'd be more forgiving if this wouldn't set the tone for their portrayal in subsequent games & didn't turn into 1 of 2 major(&only!) themes they cared to explore wrt elves. This obsession w/ elves not being agreeable enough can already be seen in the conversations u can have in their camp where at least 3 NPCs apologise for not being friendlier and I guess to make up for this cardinal sin all the side-quests (2 conv+2 fetch-quests) reward u with cool loot ranging from prized possessions to priceless artifacts, & the fact that u can get your hands on 2 valuable books on elven history teaches us early on that with minimal effort, any part of their history, no matter how sacred, becomes available for consumption. It seems important to add that both books can be given to the Mad Hermit who says he's gonna wipe his ass with them (this also reminds me of when Marethari gifts Hawke the Somniari book for no reason & it gets added directly to your trash pile). Which brings me to the other big theme: elven history is not for elves to explore and reclaim (&any attempt is dangerous+must be punished). While dwarves are allowed to be stewards of their own history&culture, and their pursuit of reclaiming thaigs & lost history (&their deep respect & attachment to that history) is generally presented as noble, elves are afforded no such dignity. I never realised the discrepancy, but from the start you have no choice but to take a dwarf with u when exploring the Deep Roads, whether that's Oghren, Shale, Valta or Varric, you are a partner & a guest, and, while u may help them in their journey of discovery, they always retain sovereignty. The only equivalent would be us getting an autistic Dalish girlie w/ a special interest in elvhen history whenever they feel like expanding the lore, using them as a vehicle for that, then punishing them for their 'overzealous' interest in their own past.

Velanna lucks out by virtue of being a dlc char & becoming a Warden, but she's still presented as being too into the elfy stuff even for her own clan, with the final straw that leads to her expulsion being wanting to get revenge on the humans who tried to burn their clan alive & took her sister(or so she thought). I appreciate that she's not shamed for her interest in elvhen history, but it's telling that the focus is on how misguided her quest for avenging her people is, with even her clan, when u meet them, still blaming her for her sister's fate & saying they're better off without her (interesting that Justice also disapproves, while at the same time berating Anders for not 'striking a blow against his oppressors, so they can do this to no one else', but apparently Velanna should atone to her oppressors and 'teach them'). Her best ending slide also has her warming to humankind & saving a whole village of them, as if that was our primary concern/her biggest problem to overcome, not making peace with her sister's fate.

Speaking of learning lessons, Merrill gets taught a harsh one, and while u can be supportive of her, you cannot escape this lesson, whatever u do: it is the height of hubris for elves to try and reclaim their past (or think they have a right to it), only humans can safely do it. Another ostracized First, one may be fooled into thinking the objection to Merrill is only the blood magic thing, but her first quest makes it clear the question u r being asked isn't is she right to use blood magic or should she limit herself to safer methods, but does she have a right to her People's history? It's so explicit that Merrill invokes that very right, vir sulevanan, in order to get the Arulin'Holm, a tool 'as old as Arlathan itself', only, after performing the service to her clan asked of her, Marethari hands YOU this artifact that'd been in their possession since before the fall of the Dales and tasks u with holding her heritage hostage!! And instead of her being disqualified from being Keeper ever again, you're left to interview Merrill to see if she deserves smth that belongs to her & u can choose to keep it from her! Why?? Marethari could've just not given it to her. Ofc, this all comes to a head in Pride's End where Merrill is yet again denied agency by her Keeper, & worse still, that baton is passed directly to you after her death, with u having to accept your paternalistic role or else slaughter her entire clan bc they don't accept any other answer than u taking full responsibility for Merrill. And, if u still need it drilled into u what this is really about, her rivalry path culminates, not in her disavowing blood magic forever, but in smashing her eluvian. Her friendship path also makes me uncomfortable, the conclusion being her clan are too backwards to ever get it, but at least she's free to chart her own course now. Set by you, ofc. You have the final say now, remember? Still, this is the last time the Dalish are a faction with any sort of agency. Maybe that's why you can wipe them out both times.

In Inq, sadly, they're relegated to a brief stop on the map on the way to saving their colonizers, a formality in order to gain access to their ruins, 1 of their warriors, & have the pleasure of picking the Dales clean without all that pesky white guilt! They even call the quest A Dalish Perspective when you're still viewing them thru a settler's lens; they're a problem to be solved, a list of complaints, they have no interiority, no ambient dialogue & the only lines they have are strictly quest related. They also pay the ultimate price for trying to reclaim their history, their deaths as inevitable as your success in safely claiming them. Twice Inquisition asks u: isn't their history safer, then, in the Chantry's hands? Morrigan's whole spiel fits here, too, ofc, as a human mage who argues her (stolen)knowledge gives her more of a right to the Well than any Dalish could hope to have. I also find it sad that in JoH, you discover Ameridan, & instead of getting to talk to his surviving clan, the only conclusion to his quest is this: it's the elves' fault the Dales fell.

All of this to say, the conclusion 2 Bellara's arc doesn't come out of nowhere when you consider it a culmination of this throughline. You finally get to answer once and for all: do elves deserve to recover their lost history? At least you can say yes.

10/10 no notes. only thing i have to add is how interesting it is that the devs had an inkling of awareness of how harmful their writing of the elves was in previous games - epler mentioned how they took the criticism of how you can kill an entire dalish clan in every single game into consideration with veilguard.... and the conclusion was that...... "the elves had their time to shine"? and they should be relegated to basically set dressing in the background of a story revolving entirely around their own history and religion? and told "get over it. just move on." instead of just... portraying them with more nuance, sensitivity and empathy? maybe hiring some more diverse writers? a sensitivity reader/editor? or just ignore the problem entirely........ there is no war in ba sing se..... there is no elven oppression in thedas....

[wisteria-lodge]

What are your thoughts on how Harry sees Draco as worse than Dudley during the early books? I seen quite a few people who believe that it was actually Dudley who was worse since Draco’s bullying was mostly verbal while Dudley’s was more physical.

Dudley does physically bully Harry, his "favorite punching bag" a lot. There's the taped-together glasses because Dudley punches him in the nose, his favorite sport "Harry Hunting," and a lot of what Snape dredges up during Occlumency lessons are "early memories he had not even realized he still had, most of them concerning humiliations Dudley and his gang had inflicted upon him in primary school." We also know that Dudley has much more sway over the school than Draco does - people won't be friends with Harry because they don't want to get on Dudley's bad side.

All that sounds pretty bad. So why do we get "Harry had never believed he would meet a boy he hated more than Dudley, but that was before he met Draco Malfoy." When at that point, Draco's crimes consist of -

Trying (unsuccessfully) to get his parents to buy him extra presents

Insulting Hagrid

Being insensitive about Harry being an orphan

Insulting Ron

Calling Hagrid and the Weasleys "riffraff"

Implying that Harry's parents were also riffraff and this got them killed. (this one is quite bad)

Trying (unsuccessfully) to steal Harry's candy

Being a Malfoy and a daddy's boy

Laughing in potions and generally being Snape's hype man

BUT Draco still manages to get under Harry's skin REALLY fast... and it's because Draco makes him feel inadequate. During their first conversation at Madame Malkin's, Harry doesn't know basic things about the Wizarding World, which makes him feel "stupid," and when Draco starts comparing the Hogwarts houses, Harry is "wishing he could say something a bit more interesting." He's still picking over this conversation when he meets back up with Hagrid, giving him a play-by-play:

"...and he said people from Muggle families shouldn’t even be allowed in—”

During Potions, Harry seems to think Snapes 'bezoar' questions are another instance of him not knowing obvious things about the Wizarding World (instead of just Snape being an ass.) This is apparently confirmed by Malfoy's reaction: "He tried not to look at Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle, who were shaking with laughter."

Harry is then very anxious about Quidditch, because "Everyone from wizarding families talked about Quidditch constantly," and it seems to be a very big deal socially. But he's putting himself in the same category as kind-of-pathetic never-been-on-a-broom Neville. This time he doesn't even have to see Malfoy's reaction, he's imagining it.

“Typical,” said Harry darkly. “Just what I always wanted. To make a fool of myself on a broomstick in front of Malfoy.”

Even things that aren't actually a problem, or aren't actually things Draco is doing - like getting regular care packages from home - seem to really bother Harry, to the degree that "[He and Ron] were half hoping for a reason to fight Malfoy."

So: Draco makes Harry feel underprepared and inadequate, and this gets to him because he thinks it might be true. Dudley normally doesn't bother to come at Harry in a psychological way - the few times he does (teasing Harry about having no friends in Book 2, teasing Harry about dreaming about his "boyfriend" Cedric in Book 5) are also the only times he's able to send Harry into negative spirals.

Because the thing about Dudley is that Harry has him figured out. By the time the first book starts, Harry knows all Dudley's favorite strategies and just, has a very detailed understanding of what it looks like inside Dudley's head:

Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn’t really crying — it had been years since he’d really cried — but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.

Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley only put up with Aunt Marge’s hugs because he was well paid for it.

Dudley was in shock. He’d screamed, whacked his father with his Smelting stick, been sick on purpose, kicked his mother, and thrown his tortoise through the greenhouse roof, and he still didn’t have his room back.

Harry knows that the reason he has no friends at school is 100% to do with Dudley and 0% to do with him. It also seems like Dudley was able to physically bully Harry a lot when he was younger, but by the time we meet Harry, he's easily "dodging" all of Dudley's attacks.

Dudley’s favorite punching bag was Harry, but he couldn’t often catch him. Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast.

The rest of them were all quite happy to join in Dudley’s favorite sport: Harry Hunting. This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering.

Harry dodged the Smelting stick

And Dudley - yeah he's around all the time, and he makes Harry's life difficult. But he's not important. Draco, on the other hand, is hugely important to Harry - which becomes super clear when he dreams about him.

[Harry] was wearing Professor Quirrell’s turban, which kept talking to him, telling him he must transfer to Slytherin at once, because it was his destiny. Harry told the turban he didn’t want to be in Slytherin; it got heavier and heavier; he tried to pull it off but it tightened painfully — and there was Malfoy, laughing at him as he struggled with it.

We learn later that this is foreshadowing, and one of Harry's Voldemort dreams. But on the first read... this is an anxiety dream about being - unprepared, overburdened, strangled by a destiny he doesn't want. And his brain has chosen Draco to symbolically represent this anxiety, and I get why. Draco is supported (by his parents), he is prepared (because he grew up rich in the wizarding world), and he just seems 100% comfortable with who he is and his place in the world. Which is all stuff that Harry really, really wants. Draco sucks, same as Dudley. But Harry doesn't want what Dudley has. He can't say the same about Draco.

[directdogman]

random DSaF thing I'm not sure if people picked up on.

Something significant about the DSaF 3 phones that popped into my head while I was writing the last post comparing Peter's DSaF 2 and DT incarnations that I didn't bother mentioning bc it was long enough

Harry and Jake are actually parallels to Steven + Peter respectively with a few major differences applied. (warning a LOT of text:)

Both Harry + Steven are generation 1 phones. They're both shown to be fairly by the book and are able to completely turn off their empathy when situations call for it. Both are completely disconnected from their former identities in a way that the other phones aren't. To further cement this connection, Harry is even shown to be the one that sent Steven to the factory. If an employee dies in your restaurant, Harry's response to it is pretty much what Steven's would've been.

Ultimately, he is a company man, like Steven. Just like Steven trying to save himself by any means necessary in DSaF 1, his confrontation in DSaF 3's evil route specifically talks about how much you've cost him and while he clearly feels disgust with you, he more so drills the futility and sheer callousness of what you're doing in rather than really tries to make you feel bad for the bad things you do. He speaks to you like you're more of a failure than anything else. You're not HIS employee, but as the former head of the franchise, speaking to the person who just killed it for the final time. He focuses on what you specifically took away from him, turning the conversation back to himself. His final words are a cold goodbye. His response to your actions is close to what Steven's could've been in this situation.

Ultimately, he's even more of an insider than Steven and someone with more of a direct connection to the cycle of misery that occurred at Freddy's. Basically, several of Steven's defining qualities are amped up in different ways.

Peter on the other hand, is not a company man. He's a gen 2 phoney, more in touch with his personal identity and in the good ending of 2, even escapes in order to reunite with his old lost family. He's generally a chiller boss than Steven, clearly caring more about the well-being of staff/customers than making the company happy.

Jake, similarly, also is in touch with his personal identity. Like Peter, he escaped in order to find his family, but as his backstory scene in 3 points out, this didn't go to plan. Jake, on the surface, seems like a polar opposite to Peter in how overtly cynical he is, a word he deliberately uses to describe himself in his DSaF 3 callout. However, this actually masks something that's more evident if you listen to him in certain key scenes.

Jake cares about others. A LOT. I based his characterization on a George Carlin quote: 'Scratch [the surface of] a cynic and you'll find a disappointed idealist'. It shows what Peter could've been if he'd never reconnected with his family or been able to correct any of the ills he came across. Someone who was worn down by life and put up walls as a result. But, the underlying care is still there and affects his decisions/words at key moments.

If you read his equivalent callout in 3 very carefully, there's some pretty strong parallels to Peter's callout in 2. He notably drills home the fact that you abused the trust of customers so you could feed like a monster. He mentions having higher hopes for you, hoping you were going to be someone better. Even after all Jack's done, he still expresses shock that he feels no remorse at all. His scene ends with a much harsher line, commanding Jack to never contact him again, akin to Peter's closing line in the equivalent 2 scene.

Also, notably, he breaks the no cursing Phone Guy rule in the scene. His reaction if an employee gets springlocked at your location is also noticeably more Peter-esque, remembering what he went through and not wanting another person to turn out the same, in contrast to Harry deciding to just go by the book, a decision that directly led to the creation of Steven pre-DSaF 1.

Okay, that's about it. I bet there's people out there who caught this (knowing me, I've said all of this before and forgot about it) but I figured a few people might find it interesting regardless. thanks, everyone!

[pandj0ra]

ft. YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL.

Gn reader

Minors DNI, below this point below includes suggestive wording, disturbing content and nsfw parts and such.

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who you met when you recently retired from your position.

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who has three kids, one girl and two boys and married to a loving housewife but got divorced a few years later and he started fall in love with you.

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL likes when you take stops by his office when you don't have any planned or on your schedule. Even when you have to go he insists on talking about life(he just wants to get to know you better for the future.)

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who wishes to try out his kinks on your fragile body. He has a rope kink, breeding, and voice kink and bondage kink. He is a massive guy and could crush you(if you're into manhandling then yeah🤭).

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who wants eight children with you. Even though he had three he just went to his wife's boundaries and didn't want to push her too far.

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who's a really nice guy but deep down he's a sadistic closed minded person you'd ever meet. But of course that's way deep down. He won't show it unless you force him in any type of way.

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who secretly threatens people that you often hang around. He wants all your attention all on him and only him. He could go as far as to brutally kill them or torture them.

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who takes photos without you knowing and fills them up in a journal he has in his desk drawer. He'd pit description of what you did that day rather it being you sitting in the park reading a book or just having a breakdown which makes him randomly call you and comfort you(without you knowing he spied on you).

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who's really addicted to your praises and affection. He guilt trips when you don't do it at least once a day.

✎ YANDERE DILF MILITARY GENERAL who is addicted to your body. Your soft lips he wishes were wrapped around his cock as you struggle to fit it down your throat. Your small hand he compares all the time and wants to see them tied up as he rails you into oblivion.

I have a couple of fics on their way so yeah🌝💪

[after-witch]

The Driven Snow [Yandere Coriolanus Snow x Reader]

Title: The Driven Snow [Yandere Coriolanus Snow x Reader]

Synopsis: You're a District 2 school graduate who comes to the Capitol with her father before the 11th Hunger Games. You don't expect to meet anyone kind, especially not someone named Coriolanus Snow who offers you his arm, his smile, and treats in secret. 

Word Count: 5270

notes: yandere, abusive relationship, non-graphic descriptions of torture and death (not against reader); uses a mixture of book and movie canon

The Capitol was not as dazzling as your father described it but then, he had seen it before the war. Though perhaps it was your own bitterness that made you ignore the signs of returning prosperity that sets it above everywhere else.

The repaired elaborate buildings, the fresh pungent smell of plaster and paint. The cars pumping exhaust fumes into the air. The low rumble of garbage trucks that pick up bright green garbage cans, some of which are actually teeming with plastic trash bags. Such waste was unheard of, even in the oh-so-loyal District 2, where only the lowest of the low find themselves starving.

Although not-starving didn’t mean that everything was plentiful. 

You, though, were lucky enough to avoid the lima bean heavy diet that some of your classmates (now former--graduation was months ago) lived on. Or were you? The meat that graced your family’s dinner table, the pats of butter on toast, were all courtesy of your father’s  immense talent in building creative weapons that allowed the Capitol to stamp out every last bit of rebellion in the Districts. That allowed them to regain control. That allowed them to create the Hunger Games.

Which is why you were in the Capitol now. Oh, not to participate in them. Your father’s status in District 2 had seen to that; it would be a scandal if the name of his beloved daughter were to ever be pulled. 

You were there because your father had been given a lucrative contract, one that was sure to cement your family’s wealth for generations: a contract to build high-tech weapons for the Hunger Games themselves. 

They would still be killing. But on a much smaller scale, you supposed, than the weapons your father designed during the war. 

Still. Blood was blood. And if it had to be spilled, well, there was nothing you could do about it except hope they died quickly. Especially the ones from District 2.

Last year’s Games’ had been awful enough. Your family had watched the Games on a modest television set in the privacy of your living room, sent courtesy of the Capitol. 

You wondered if you would ever get the sight of Marcus’ battered, bloated face from your mind; if you would ever unhear the way his body thumped to the ground when that girl had killed him, out of mercy. If you would ever stop imagining what it must have felt like in those last moments.

But it wasn’t all horror. You’d liked Lucy Gray well enough, even though she was from 12. She had a wild way of dressing and the singing--it was practically theatrical, compared to what you’d heard about the previous games. 

Maybe that was why your father got this contract: theatrics. Maybe the games would be more dramatic from now on. Maybe they wanted tributes like Lucy Gray, who sang and spit and poisoned her way to Victory. It was strange, really, that there’d been hardly any talk of her since her win. 

“Father?” You asked, quietly as you could. 

Both of you were standing in the foyer of the grand university in the Capitol. The outside was still a little ravaged, but inside, it was perfectly lovely. Walls lined with books--perhaps some of them were fake--and marble floors and marble busts dotting the sight lines.

“Mm?” He replied, eyes scanning over his clipboard. He flips it, here and there.

“I was just thinking. About last year’s games. About Lucy Gray, and how the Games--”

Your father rounded on you, eyes suddenly serious and blazing.

“Quiet. Weren’t you paying attention on the way here?” Admittedly, you were not. You’d been daydreaming about what you might do now that you were done with school. There was no university in District 2, and your father hadn’t even mentioned a job. “You’re not supposed to mention--”

“Not supposed to mention whom? Ah, ah, ah. Lucy Gray Baird?” called a voice, almost in sing-song.

Your father stood up stiff, and the life seemed to drain from his face.

Both of you look towards the sound of the voice, and now it’s your turn to stiffen. The voice came from a woman standing in the doorway of the very office that your father was waiting to enter. She was wearing an elaborate jacket made of what looked like rainbow snake scales. Her hair was gray and curly. She had, you realized, two different colored eyes. 

Your father swallowed, and you could see the apple of it bob up and down. It made you think, abruptly, of suckling pigs. 

“Dr. Gaul,” he said, in a voice far too tight to be relaxed. “I apologize for my daughter’s insubordination, I assure you, she meant no--”

Dr. Gaul waved her hands at him and approached you. 

“Did you like last year’s games?” She didn’t look angry. No, she looked delighted.

“I…” It was your turn to swallow, your turn to feel that tightness. “It-it was the first time I’ve watched them, ma’am.” You want to ask this woman: do you think I liked watching someone from my District 2 so horribly? Or any District, really? Did I like it? 

Her smile grew wider. 

“I’m glad. You’ll be watching them every year from now on, I hope. We have big plans.” Her eyebrows raised high. “Big changes. Thanks to men like your father.” She glanced at him and you saw disdain flicker across her gaze. 

And then another door opened, and you heard the sound of polished shoes on the marble floor. Dr. Gaul’s attention dropped away from you like you were nothing at all. She turned to meet the sound of these footsteps, and you did too.

It was a young man. Probably your age, you thought, with light blonde hair and eyes that your mother would have described as “baby blue.” He didn’t look at you, or your father. But that was nothing new. You’d only been in the Capitol for 2 days, and you’d already gotten used to being treated as lesser than. Though, at least, you were not so far down on the food chain that you lost your tongue. 

“Ah, my protege,” said Dr. Gaul, giving the young man a grin. The smile on her face almost looked warm, which was somehow far more terrifying than her manic smile from earlier. “Ever the earnest student. Aren’t you supposed to be enjoying the day off, Mr. Snow?”

The young man, this “Snow,” chuckled and lowered his gaze. “I couldn’t stay away once I heard you were discussing some of the new prototypes for this year’s games.” 

He finally looked at your father, and then at you. But only briefly.

“Can I assume that this is…?”

Dr. Gaul nodded.

“Yes. My little designer from District 2. And his daughter.” Her voice dropped a few octaves when she referred to you. She probably didn’t want you here, you thought. You weren’t supposed to come, but your father had begged the Capitol for a pass; it would probably be your only chance to see it, he said, so you may as well take advantage of the chance.

Snow nodded to your father. It was a surprising gesture, almost respectful. But cold, too, like it was done from necessity rather than anything else. 

Your father stammered a bit and nodded back, and you felt shame begin to creep into your bones. It wasn’t fair, to be lesser-than. But weren’t others lesser-than you in your own District, where you ate better food and never worried that your name would get picked, that your blood would be spilled?

Everyone 

But when Snow turned to you, he smiled. It gave him dimples. 

It was the first kind smile anyone in the Capitol gave you. 

“My name is Coriolanus Snow. I doubt you’ve heard of me, but if Dr. Gaul’s teachings have anything to say about it, perhaps one day you’ll know me as a Gamemaker.” 

You didn’t know what to say. Congratulations, one day you’ll be coordinating Games that kill people? Instead,  you gave your name, voice squeakier than you meant it. But it was fitting, you supposed. Here, you were a mouse, hoping you would get a bite of cheese and make it home unpoisoned. 

Dr. Gaul’s face seemed to react slowly, as if she couldn’t decide what she thought about his words or your interaction, but a small smile grew on it, eventually. “I do have high hopes for you, Mr. Snow. Now, shall we?”

She gestured for your father to follow, face once again impassive with a sprinkle of disdain, as she led the two of them into her office.

Snow gave you a smile and a nod before he left.

You waved, stupidly.

Your father didn’t even look back.

--

I’m dead. I’m dead. I might as well be dead.

Your heartbeat kept time with your racing thoughts as you went up and down corridors, begging your shoes to be silent, wishing your breath would catch and stop coming out in terrible pants.

You were lost. You weren’t where you were supposed to be. If someone found you, if the wrong person found you, they would think you were running, trying to get lost in the Capitol; they’d think  you were a rebel. They’d shoot you.

Just when you thought you might collapse and die from your own nervous exhaustion, you heard the most wonderful sound in the world.

Your name.

It was only the moment after that you realized it didn’t come from your father’s mouth, but the lips of--what his name--Coriolanus Snow. The young man who was a Gamemaker-in-training, or so your father said. But that’s all he would say. He kept tight about anything that went on behind closed doors. 

But this Coriolanus Snow smiled at you, and didn’t look at you like you were some kind of insect he might want to pin on a board, and so when you whirled around to look at him you were smiling.

Ah--for a moment. For just a moment, you saw his muscles tense. You saw the expression on his face falter in worry. Like he thought he was about to miss a step on a staircase, and corrected himself; like he thought you were a wolf and you were only somebody’s dog, off their leash. 

But it wasn’t too surprising. You knew most people in the Capitol thought anyone from the Districts wanted to rip out their throats. 

Well, the worry was mutual. Except in your case, you were forced to walk around with the living proof of that worry--all those “Avoxes,” they called them. Without tongues, without freedom. 

But you swallow all that. Because he smiled at you. Because maybe it wouldn’t hurt to make a friend. Especially right now.

“I’m--I’m lost,” you tell him, giving a shaky smile. “I was waiting for my father, but you see, I got to thinking, and I started to wander around and now I’m… well. I don’t know where I am, actually.”

His smile wasn’t very deep, was it? It was like the gloss of paint on the outside of the Capitol buildings. Pretty to look at, but there must be more underneath.

You expected him to lead you right back to where you’re supposed to be.

Instead, he asked you something.

“What were you thinking about?

You couldn’t tell him. Could you? But something about 

“About… the Games.”

You don’t tell him that you were thinking about Lucy Gray and all those snakes, and the way that Dr. Gaul’s outfit that first day made you think of them. Because your father had slapped you across the face when you got back to your lodgings that night, and told you to never, ever bring up Lucy Gray Baird or the 10th Games unless you were directly asked. And you would probably never be asked. 

Coriolanus gave a little snort through his nose. You liked it. It was nice to know that even Capitol people could seem a little dorky.

“They aren’t for another 3 months. Are you that eager to see them?”

You didn’t know what expression you made, exactly. It was so instinctive and fast that you didn’t have time to control it. 

You only knew that it made him shake his head and offer you a sympathetic look.  

“I apologize. That was rude, wasn’t it?” 

And then he did a strange thing.

He offered you his arm. 

Like you were Capitol, like you were a real person, and not some visiting District wench walking on the coattails of her arms-dealing father. 

“Let me walk you back to the waiting area.”

And the stranger thing?

You took it.

--

You and your father were quickly moved into a small apartment within the university, once it became clear that he would be staying in the Capitol through the duration of the Games. It was best, he said, because ordinary people in the Capitol didn’t really want to see new faces from the Districts mingling around unless their tongue had been cut out first. It made them nervous. The rebel bombings, and all that.

You didn’t mind, because it meant you didn’t have to be flanked by Peacekeepers on the streets. 

And, well.

You got to see Coriolanus more often. Sometimes he greeted you, sometimes he didn’t. He did it less often when Dr. Gaul was there,  unless she was talking to your father and it gave him an opportunity.

He asked you things, too, when he caught you walking back to your father’s little apartment. Like what you did back home. What you liked to do. Whether you went to school, and what you planned to do now that you have graduated. 

This morning, he caught you drawing while you waited in a chair outside Dr. Gaul’s office. Sometimes you waited there--you would admit to no one that it was to catch a glimpse of the kindest person you’d met in the Capitol--and other times you stayed in your temporary home.

“What are you drawing?” He asked. But he had a way of speaking that you’d quickly clocked into. He can make a demand sound like a polite little question. Oh, he wasn’t mean about it, but it reminded you of the way your father talked to his underlings back in District 2. On his home turf, he was far smoother than he was here, where his voice stammered and sweat beaded on his neck.

So you handed it over, even though, to your greatest embarrassment, you’d drawn… him.

“Why me?” He had a smile on his lips. His smiles were nice. Kind. The kindest you’d seen since you came here. But they always felt like that fresh coat of paint; like you didn’t know what he really meant by them, and that was how he liked it. 

“You’re… important,” is all you could come up with. You felt small, then. He would dismiss and probably never want to talk to you again. What a stupid answer from a stupid girl. 

But he just smiled. It was like paint peeling a little.  You could see underneath that he liked what you said, although you weren’t exactly sure why. And his expression tightened up so quickly, protecting what you’d seen, that you weren’t entirely sure if it was real or not. 

“I’m just a humble student at this university. Not so important. Not yet.”

--

You were really going to die, now. This wasn’t some panicked imagination gone wrong, some flight of fancy that took a wrong turn.

A pair of stony-faced Peacekeepers had walked up to where you sat in the waiting area near Dr. Gaul’s office and ordered you to come with them.

You asked to talk to your father. They said no. You asked where you were going. They yanked you up. 

And now they were leading you down hallways that you’d never seen before, where there weren’t even Avoxes roaming the halls with brooms and dustpans. 

They didn’t even answer, just spun around and walked back the way they came. You pushed the door open reluctantly--what the hell was going to be on the other side?--and it was--it was--

It was Coriolanus. Standing there in a nice suit, eyes downcast on a book. Until the door creaked and he looked up.

“What--why did you bring me here? Did I do something wrong?” The thought went through you, that perhaps this had all been a test, to see if you were loyal to the Capitol and he’d found you wanting.

“No,” he said, simply enough. He set the book down and gestured for you to step inside. You did, because what else were you going to do, in some strange room in a Capitol University where you’d been forcibly brought by Peacekeepers.

Snow studied your face. Your eyes darted around, from him, to the room, to the door. 

“I wanted to see you,” he said, a little softer. “In private.” 

“Me?” You furrowed your eyebrows. “But… why?”

He smiled. “Come now, you’re a smart girl, even if you aren’t in university.” 

You really didn’t know. Not at first. But then you watched the way his expression softened, and you remembered it, or glimpses of it, that he’d given you before. When he complimented your drawing. When he said your name. When he escorted you back from the maze of hallways. And his smiles, all his smiles, although you were never sure how much they meant coming from home. 

He took a step closer. You didn’t dare step back. You weren’t sure if you wanted to step back, but it didn’t matter, either way.

He pressed his lips to yours and took your first kiss, in a secluded little study in the heart of the Capitol University. 

--

Your days became routine, although the routine was strictly forbidden and could have probably gotten you executed or at best, gotten you a one-way ticket to a tasteless existence.

You wake up. You stay in your apartment.  You wait for the Peacekeepers. You get summoned here and there, always private rooms, secret rooms, rooms out of the way. You meet Snow--Coriolanus, he said, call him that--and you talk (well, mostly him) and kiss and sometimes a little bit more. He gives you gifts. Trinkets, necklaces that you can only wear under your shirt. Food, flaky pastries made with mountains of sugar, sandwiches made with cream and cucumber. 

But how much longer could it go on? The Games were going to start soon. As soon as they were over, you were going back to your District. There would be no more meetings, no more kisses. No more wondering how far he wanted to go or why he liked you or even if he even liked you as anything more than someone to keep him busy. 

You didn’t dare talk about the Games, but you did talk about this. In the kindest way you knew how for such a sensitive subject. 

“I’ll miss you,” you told Coriolanus after one meeting, when you’re both sitting on a sofa and he’s got your fingers tightly wound in his. He squeezed them tight.

“Miss me?” 

“After the Games,” you clarified. “We’re being sent home right after.”

He squeezed your fingers until it hurt a little. Then he looked up at you. To see if you would say something? Or did he not know how strong he was?

“Oh, that. I can arrange for you to stay.”

Your chest began to feel sick.

“Stay? In the Capitol?” You were torn about Coriolanus, but you didn’t want to stay here. You couldn’t. 

“Yes,” he said, as if it was the simplest answer in the world. “You wouldn’t be the first person from the District granted such an extreme privilege. I’m sure I could--”

“But I don’t know if I want to stay.” 

His gaze narrowed and you felt your stomach clench. He looked at the necklace you’d pulled out as soon as the door was shut, at your lips where a dollop of strawberry cream still rested. 

“I treat you so well, and you don’t know if you want to stay with me?”

His voice was calm, and that scared you. It would have been better if he flew off the handle.

Instead, he simply stood up and gently sent you out the door, and called the Peacekeepers to bring you back to your apartment.

--

Every night for the last week, you have cried yourself to sleep. Because every day for the last week, Coriolanus Snow has not sent for you. Not even once.

What if he told someone? What if you got sent back early, and your father was shamed? What if they broke his contract? Or--worse, worse, worse. There were so many worse things than merely being sent back to District 2.

And then he sent for you, and it was the longest walk of your life, though it was no farther than any of the times you’ve been escorted to your secret meetings.

This time, when you pushed open the door, Coriolanus was not alone. 

There was an Avox in the room. 

It was someone from District 2.

You didn’t know her. Not personally. But you saw her, before. She worked in one of the munitions factories and you watched her walk to work from your classroom window sometimes. Then she stopped showing up, and you thought perhaps she got married. 

That delusion was shattered the moment you saw her, eyes downcast to the floor, wearing a simple gray tunic. 

It’s not until Coriolanus tells you to hurry up and come in that you’re able to move. Even then, you weren’t sure how your body did it; how your arms managed to gain the mobility to shut the door, to twist the lock; how your legs moved, one foot in front of the other, until you were standing stiffly in front of him.

The Avox--you wish you knew her name, but she couldn’t give it to you now, even if you asked--moved seamlessly to a table set up nearby. There was tea and sweets. The sort of thing that you and Coriolanus had been enjoying together for the past few weeks. The sort of thing that you were sure would sit sour in your stomach, now. 

The cup shook in your hands when she handed it to you, and your tears dripped right into the tea.

Coriolanus glanced at the Avox and waved his hand. She left obediently. She would never tell the secret she witnessed in his room, that much was certain.

And then he looked back at you.

“Don’t cry,” he said. Soft but firm. A command, not a coo. “You shouldn’t cry here, in the Capitol. You should be grateful to be here. You should be grateful that I’ve arranged all this for you.”

“I am,” you whispered. 

“Then show me that you are.”

And you did. 

You said what he wanted and looked to him to show you how he wanted you to act, and did just that. You didn’t argue, even to lightly banter. You kissed him and nodded along when he told you about how things would be after the Games, when he had arranged for you to stay.

All you had to do was keep him happy until the Games were over, and then you could go home. 

Bitterly, all of this made you realize just how much of your father is in you; he knew how to appease the Capitol. You could do the same with Coriolanus Snow. At least until the Games were over. Just keep him happy until the Games were done and the blood was spilled, and you would go home. 

They wouldn’t let him keep you here after the games. You were sure of that. You’d overheard some of Dr. Gaul’s assistants murmuring how glad they would be to send the District profiteers like your father home once the Games were over. And you? You’re just his useless daughter, an appendage he brought like an unwelcome suitcase. Why would you be allowed to stay?

--

The Games were over. The winner was from District 1. 

You were going home any day now. Just as soon as your father finished tinkering with the designs, gave his notes on improvements that might be made for next year.

The thought gave you a delightful bounce in your step. It was like having a pat of sweet butter in your shoe on a day when you needed good luck-- District 2 superstition, although the strict rationing meant most people didn’t have even a pat to slip into their shoes anymore.

The sweetness didn’t even disappear when the Peacekeepers showed up to bring you to Snow. It was going to be a bittersweet farewell, you were sure. He might be angry. But you would kiss him and tell him that there was nothing he could do, and how sorry you were not to be able to stay, but that was how things had to be.

Except they didn’t bring you down a maze of corridors that led to a secluded room.

They brought you right into Dr. Gaul’s office.

Breakfast threatened to evacuate your stomach with every step. Not just because of nerves, but because of what you saw. Rows of experiments in glass tubes; some of them move. You walk by a room with a half-open door that showed someone strapped to a gurney, face contorted in a silent scream as they fought against restraints. You almost did lose breakfast, then.

But somehow you made it to the desk of Dr. Gaul without a dribble of vomit to show for it.

The Peacekeepers left with no fanfare and you stood there, ramrod straight. Did she know? Was she going to tell you that you were going to be strapped to one of those gurneys, now?

“I’m keenly aware,” she said, keeping her hands primly folded, “on how much you’ve enthralled my star pupil.”

Toast. That’s what will come up first, you thought . The toast.

“I don’t know what you mean, ma’am.” Your voice was so thin and tinny that you didn’t even believe yourself.

And then the prim facade cracked, and Dr. Gaul threw her head back and grinned.

“You really think I don’t know everything that goes on within these walls?  I know every time one of my lab assistants runs into the bathroom to throw up after a particularly nasty experiment. I know every time one of our university professors sneaks into a closet to down a vial of morphling with a student. And I certainly know when my newest protege is having an adorable little District girl brought to him for… canoodling.”

You weren’t even embarrassed. No.  You just felt terrified to the bone. You only hoped that you’d be killed, shot against a wall, instead of made into an Avox. Let there be some mercy in this world. 

”He’s asked to keep you, you know.” Her voice was low, almost a drawl. She tapped her fingers on her desk rhythmically.

“My Coriolanus Snow wants a bird of his own.” Her smile turned darker. “Not a songbird, though. Oh, no. I think he’s had enough of those.”

Her gaze bored into yours, each color magnified by her intense expression. “I think if I let him have his pretty caged bird, he’ll be happy. He’s more productive if he’s happy.” She smiled. “I like productivity. It keeps the Games more interesting.”

She looked you over one more time, and then waved you away.

“I’ve granted his request. You’ll be staying here indefinitely, courtesy of one Mr. Snow. Your father has already been told.” 

You were wrong.

It was not the toast that came up first, but the sweet butter you’d patted on top.

--

You still had your tongue, but you felt as though it was useless, stuck to the roof of your mouth, as Coriolanus fussed over your outfit. Or rather, as he directed an Avox to fuss over it for you. He could afford his own personal servant, now, he told you. He’d almost flinched after he said now, and you didn’t dare press him on it. Had he not been able to afford one before?

“We can’t walk arm-in-arm in public,” he said, walking around you, making sure the outfit was just-right. “But you can stand by me if I stop and direct you forward.” He reached over and fixed one of your buttons. “Don’t speak to anyone unless I’ve told you to, or they speak to you first. Always address someone older as ‘sir,’ or ‘ma’am.” He pointed at your hair, and the Avox began to fuss with it, eventually covering it in a colorful wrap that Coriolanus said was popular right now. “Address someone our age by the last name and Mr. or Ms.”

When he was satisfied with your appearance, he sent the Avox away. You liked it better that way, it was one last reminder of the horrors in the Capitol, even for someone “privileged” like you.  You’d only been without your father for 3 days, but you felt like your nerves were continually on fire. You wanted to go home. You wanted your family. You wanted out of this place.

But that wasn’t going to happen.

For now, you were still living in the small university apartment the Capitol had given your father. Coriolanus insisted on it, until he could figure out how to move you into his own sprawling apartment that he shared with his cousin, Tigris (who, at least, genuinely sounded lovely) and his grandmother, Grandma’am. She was the sticking point, or so you were told, with a thin smile. She hated Districts, and she ought to, he said. They killed her son. His father. 

She would hate you, too. Even if Coriolanus wanted you enough to make you stay with him; wanted you enough to keep you. But for how long? And would he change his mind, if you couldn’t fit in? 

He said your name, and you snapped yourself out of your thoughts. He held you by your shoulders. Gently. Like one would an unruly child that hadn’t yet learned that there were such things as salad forks and dinner forks, as polite conversation and etiquette. 

You got the feeling you wouldn’t have long to learn all of those things and more, to make him happy.

“Remember,” he said. “You’re District. You’re here because the Capitol has recognized that your loyalty can benefit us in some way. Be grateful.”

“I am,” you said, reflectively.

“Be happy..”

“I am,” you said again, your chest hitching.

He smiled at you. Was it real or not real? 

You smiled back, regardless. And he liked that, evidently, because he leaned forward and kissed you. Then he scrutinized your face and wiped at your lips with his thumb--the kiss had smeared your lipstick. 

“Good.” 

He gestured towards the open doorway. This time, he didn’t take your arm. There would be too many people lingering in the university hallways, all making their way to the soiree held to celebrate the end of this year’s Games and discuss what improvements might be made for the next year. 

You dutifully walked behind him, just like he said. And you would do exactly what he said in all respects. You would stay quiet unless you were spoken to, you would certainly never bring up anything confrontational or controversial, and you would make a good impression. You would be a loyal, grateful District citizen who was given the opportunity of a lifetime thanks to the graciousness of Coriolanus Snow. 

Of course you would. 

Your life depended on it. 

[helluvathings]

Some thoughts on Ozzie's response at the trial

One moment that caught my attention, and I've seen a few reactors comment on it too, is that Ozzie's defense of Blitzø's right to a fair trial is lukewarm compared to Bee's. She gives a character reference, speaking about him almost fondly, while Ozzie offers one understated line.

He speaks lightly, but isn't that the kind of phrase usually accompanied by a side-eye and a pointed, "You do have a good explanation, right?" And I've seen a lot of Ozzie call outs for not just "sharing the truth," since he "knows what's really going on."

But the more I think about it, the more I feel like his slight involvement probably makes things look worse from his perspective. Tbf, the dialogue disparity could be timing constraints and wanting to make use of Kesha. Still, I honestly suspect Ozzie knowing more than Bee would make it likelier he'd be reluctant to outright vouch for Blitzø's character even if he supports a fair trial.

I do plan to touch on a few separate points. But the BIG thing I haven't seen brought up: Ozzie is the only person in that room who may know the extent to which Blitzø's use of the grimoire has actually, undeniably endangered Hell. I feel like this fact has sort of slid from people's minds, but as a reminder:

IMP obliterated part of Ozzie's ring directly outside his club. In a setting where there are likely security cameras, and at the very least, his bouncers were shown to be in the general vicinity. And there were cherubs with high tech battle suits visibly involved. Assuming Ozzie investigated this, his additional knowledge isn't actually in IMP, Stolas's, or Blitzø's favor at all.

Rewinding to touch on what Ozzie actually knows about Stolas and Blitzø's situation:

Ozzie is aware that Stolas has feelings for Blitzø.

He could guess, if he ever thought about it, that Blitzø must’ve been getting to earth a different way beforehand since his business precedes the crystal. However, he's never told this. Depending on how much he cared to look at the particulars, it possibly didn't occur to him at the time (though if he looked into the Lust Ring attack, he likely figured it out).

He also has no confirmation that Blitzø has feelings for Stolas. Fizz has probably speculated, maybe he shared Blitzø had come to Lust for toys—but Ozzie has only seen them together at Ozzie's, when he was more concerned with helping Fizz revenge-ruin their date than drawing any relationship analysis (except in the ways that helped him revenge-ruin their date).

Ozzie may also know about the anti-Blitzø parties, or at least that Blitzø has a poor history with relationships. Fizz knew his "love life [was] a pile of shit," and that giving the stage to Verosika during House of Asmodeus would get results, so at the very least, he seems familiar with Blitzø's bad habits. If Ozzie doesn't know Stolas is different, a very possible explanation might be that Blitzø had been using Stolas’s feelings to get the book. Not "forcing himself," but not really Lust King-approved.

I.e. Ozzie can assume “not forced,” but not “mutual feelings,” or “Blitzø did nothing wrong." Blitzø has also told him one of his skills is "killing things without giving fucks," so again, the background knowledge of Blitzø isn't necessarily a good thing here.

Then after Apology Tour, Blitzø went into a depression slump and probably cut off contact with friends, including Fizz. From Fizz and Ozzie's perspective, the day Blitzø got the crystal, his thing with Stolas outwardly ended, and he likely never shared much about what happened (if he didn't deflect outright). Fizz may have noticed and commented on Blitzø acting strange, but the circumstances are ambiguous.

To summarize: Ozzie can guess Andrealphus is full of shit, and that some sort of setup is happening. But he doesn't know "the truth," in the sense he could speak up and clarify everything.

What else he possibly knows:

IMP had a massive fight with well-armed heavenly beings in the middle of the Lust Ring.

This was shown to have caused substantial damage. Loona destroyed what looked like one of his buildings, on top of other property destruction, right in front of his club. If they had security cameras, Ozzie probably knows this. Like I mentioned before, two of his own bouncers were outside, alongside dozens of witnesses. If he investigated at all, there are ways he could piece together what happened.

A frequent reaction has been, “Ozzie knows everything Blitzø did was above board, he could’ve clarified.” But Ozzie has a lot of facts that actually look awful? Depending on what surveillance caught from that fight, Ozzie very well could've connected IMP to cherubs coming to Hell. To his ring specifically.

Two conclusions to be drawn from this:

If Ozzie has recognized as much, he hasn't said anything. Which is both him already covering for IMP, but it also means he's hiding something Satan would desperately want to know.

Ozzie has a legitimate reason to be upset at Blitzø and Stolas for bringing him into this. First because Stolas wasn't up-front about the formerly illegal details of Blitzø getting to earth (let alone moments like in Truthseekers where there's already been major transgression). Then afterward, when the spillover of their indiscretion caused damage to his ring and possibly got Lust Ring demons killed.

Ozzie is involved enough that all this could cause trouble for him if he's implicated

I've seen people say he'd be immune because of his rank. But while he'd physically be fine, Mammon was already going at him and Bee about their partners. Mammon has also threatened that Ozzie would "regret revealing" his love for Fizz, in pretty clear foreshadowing. Ozzie has a big, well-known weak point.

Also, Blitzø was on trial about unlawfully going to the human world (or doing it "unwittingly" as a pawn of the evil Mastermind Stolas). And this all happens while he has a registered Asmodean Crystal on his wrist. He even tries using it to get to Stolas while they're dragging him away. The more Ozzie speaks up, the more closely Blitzø is examined, and the clearer it is that Ozzie is involved with something illegal.

The legitimacy of Blitzø's behavior on Earth is a bit dodgy as well. Remember how Verosika let Blitzø win that bet because she was wary of getting into trouble for the conspicuous monster? They’re clearly supposed to keep a low profile. If Ozzie linked IMP to the Lust Ring incident and realized they've been stirring up trouble topside, his lack of interference may indicate he's already making allowances he legally shouldn't be.

Do I think the imagery of Ozzie and the other Sins falling in with Satan during the song may go complicated places? Possibly. And Ozzie clearly did want to help after Fizz’s text and seemed to feel he couldn’t. I don't think he's exactly blameless, in the sense he's aligned with a messed up system here. I also have no idea if the writers considered any of this, or if we're ever going to see Ozzie's thoughts or feelings about the attack on Lust. Maybe that was just a cool fight scene to set up the cherub/DHORKS threat, and it won't have further relevance.

But honestly, the fact that illegal use of the grimoire brought trouble to Ozzie's doorstep makes me more willing to shrug off his muted response at the trial. Even if Ozzie isn't aware, Blitzø and Stolas's lawbreaking led to an attack on his ring. If he is aware? It’s already iffy to expect he'd stick his neck out in a hopeless situation where it’d only get scrutiny turned his way. Wanting him to do so despite associating IMP with a heavenly threat and massive property damage? That's a big ask.

Maybe overthinking, especially if it’s revealed he doesn’t have much intel on the Lust Ring attack. But I feel like Ozzie knowing more about Blitzø's situation makes it harder for him to intervene, as opposed to easier. He may even have legitimate reason to feel like IMP has been endangering Hell, but has kept quiet for Fizz's sake.

Mostly, I wonder if it's coincidence that the show made that Lust fight visually, noticeably destructive, then next time we see Ozzie, it's Bee vouching for Blitzø's character, while Ozzie's statement focuses on getting an explanation. Her defense seems to be "he's cool, I don't think he'd do this." Ozzie's is more coded like, "It's fair to see what he has to say." Like maybe he's thinking it would be in character for Blitzø to have done something illegal and ill-advised that puts Hell at risk, so he'll stick with a safer defense. And honestly, I love Blitzø... but I also get why Ozzie might be ambivalent.

[theriverbeyond]

how exactly is John lying (/about what) and is that the worst part of him and how explicit is it in the books? i often dont understand general/fandom characterizations of fictional characters and HtN is definitely not the book I paid the most attention in, so I just wanna see if I missed something wholly obvious

So John is a Lying Liar Who Lies, and I think the most damming evidence for the sheer enormity of it all is this bit in HtN, page 482:

Many of the things John says are like, him reflecting or discussing things only he has memory of, with no one left to dispute his version of events, and it's clear that he has long ago lost the "objective truth" of his own history--some of this is likely the side effect of being alive for ten thousand years, but a lot of it is probably due to the fact that he doesn't want anyone to know what actually happened. HtN p. 158:

John is talking to Harrow here, but to Me, he is also reassuring himself. He KNOWS that people would judge him for his actions, and alters the stories he tells accordingly. Nobody has to know. It happened, and he can't undo it, and they wouldn't understand. He's motivated to lie, he's capable of lying, and he himself has stated that he believes that there is no difference between the truth, and the truth he tells himself. Because he's God.

Anyway. re: "how explicit is it", a lot of the times where we know for sure John is telling an untruth, he isn't directly lying per say, but rather misrepresenting events to such an insidious extent that it is functionally the same as lying. Here is a short and incomplete list:

All the times Harrow begged him to protect her from G1deon the First, and John was like sorry I can't do that, when in fact JOHN was the one who ordered G1deon to attack Harrow

Changing the names of all his friends and not telling them what their previous names or personalities were (and if he didn't tell them that, it's very reasonable he may have kept other things from them as well)

Saying that the House of the First was killed by "rising sea levels" and a "massive nuclear fission chain reaction" when the Earth actually died because John initiated a nuclear standoff, and then set off a nuke. like yeah what he said was technically the truth, but it also served to paint an extremely different picture when compared to what we learn in NtN

In NtN, in the dream, John tells Harrow about the time he killed all those cops, and he mentions that when it happened he was like "I swear to God, I didn't know what I was doing" "I freaked out, it was an accident", "I made a mistake". and then like half a page later he tells Harrow "Come on love. Guys like me don't have accidents"

Saying he ate peanuts "discreetly", and "the once"

"is this the worst part of him" I think that is up to you, I really like the layers this adds to the story. So much of NtN is literally just John telling Harrow/the reader a story, and we know he misrepresents events and tells untruths and is motivated to protect his own image and no longer sees a difference between the truth and the truth he tells himself. So it's like... we are getting all this info about what happened pre-appocalypse/resurrection, but how much of it is REAL? How much of it is reliable? How much of it would match the story if anyone else was alive to tell their side? It is so interesting to me. It's like a hefty peanut butter filled kong, to me.

[he-needs-enrichment]

Expedition 33 post game thoughts

since none of my friends have played the game except for one person currently playing, i need to write down some thoughts if only so i can come back to this later (if anyone finds them interesting that's a bonus). They're gonna be very disjointed.

Also if you haven't finished the game do yourself a favor and don't read this until you did.

Spending the prologue getting to know everyone and setting up the expedition, just for them to instantly die in the first seconds of Act 1 set the tone for the game amazingly. I feel like a huge part of this games message is how death simply happens, and there is no grand plan or justice about it. All those people you just know have had complex lives and relationships gone in an instant.

This made the end of act 1 really click for me, no matter how devastated and sad i was. It made so much sense to me, life isn't fair and death isn't either.

With the power of hindsight, the symbolism behind Verso coming in as a replacement for Gustave is heartbreaking. A sad broken man, expected to fill the shoes of a beloved, kind man he never knew and never was, constantly compared to him by us, the players the same way he is thought of as a bad replacement by of painter!verso by characters in the narrative. The parallels between Gustave and painter!verso in general break my heart.

The way Verso longs for connection, yet works to kill everyone and everything he's cared about so he can finally die. Every time he spends time with the members of expedition 33, he knows he just makes everything more painful for himself, yet he can't help himself, he wants them to feel better, he literally cuts himself in half just to make them smile.

At the same time it's heartbreaking to see how he keeps breaking everyone's trust, no matter how many times they forgive him and how much he tries. I see a metaphor for how trying to avoid conflict by always being agreeable and failing to communicate your desires and needs always ends to hurting both yourself and everyone around you.

Good god did the older brother who loves their youngest sibling more than the world hit me hard. I never see myself as a heroic person, in fact i don't think i could be brave in most situations, but i truly believe I'd let the world end before giving them up.

Speaking of family, painter!renoire is the first fictional depiction of a father doing things "for the family" at any cost that wasn't deeply triggering and uncomfortable for me. He truly loved everyone, and i think he was right in what he did.

The concept of the gommage and the duality of the known, predictable death and the unpredictable sudden death. Both have their own horrors, and neither make it easier. I try to not think much about it, but just knowing that golden retrievers usually don't live much past 10-12 years fills me with dread and makes me cry sometimes, and i don't think I'll ever be prepared (and now I'm crying). At the same time it reminds me that at any point in time, anyone could just stop existing.

There's so much to say about escaping into worlds of Fantasy. Be it books, artistic endeavors or playing video games, clair obscur is a stark reminder of the danger of losing your real time and connections when trying to get away from the world. At the same time, it shows the potential for beauty - kid verso and clea made this vibrant and amazing universe that gave them so much, its only when this universe became escapism to their grieving mother when things went bad.

Im not sure I'll be able to/want to ever replay the game, after seeing the ending. We as players are as much painters as the in universe equivalents. It doesn't feel right to put them all though suffering because we can't let things go.

I got much more to say, but I'll end on a note about the endings.

Sciel and Lune's reactions in Versos ending broke my heart. There's no happy ending in any case. But i still believe it's the right ending, because there's hope for a better tomorrow. Verso is right. Maelle!Alicia could repaint things later, as a more mature and grown person. everyone in the canvas at this point is a repainted by her already. But she needs to live, to grow as a person, and verso deserves to rest. She can't let him go on her own, repeating what her mother did, putting him and the world though the same grief.

The Maelle ending feels straight out of a horror movie. Others have pointed it out before, but the vibrant colorful world is replaced by black and white. The people lost their individuality, and how couldn't they? Maelle didn't know them. Even the people she knew can't be like they were before, because maelle in this version can not accept inperfections. She became a puppeteer, and Verso, who has been trying to get just a tiny bit of freedom his entire life, is just a performer on a stage for her now. He knows it. He hates it. And there is nothing he can do about him. What is horrifying to me and illustrates this disregard for him as a person as opposed to a role for him to fill as her happy brother is that he seems to not have his scar anymore - the one thing he said he kept to show his individuality, his ability to choose for himself.

idk if anyone will read this but if you did, thanks, comments are welcome.

[coffeegnomee]

I'm not the most knowledgeable about season 4 so I would love your thoughts on all the comparisons to it , and also generally on zam's rapidly declining, slightly unstable mental health in the latest stream ( only if you watched it of course! )

This was about the stream "staring into the sun" and I finally finished it (not "crawling", so if anything changed I'm not liable)

So, first off, on a genuine level, I think we have, because of this stream, entered into new and entirely uncharted waters, something that will make season 6 and sunkissed into entirely and completely their own story that no longer has any relations to s4. So not knowing the past isn't a detriment.

Additionally, what actually happened in two years ago isn't relevant to what Zam remembers happening two years ago. And, on a very important note, what happened in season 5 is vitally important to not leave out when comparing s6 to s4. Jumper's betrayal has scarred Zam in ways far deeper than were ever present during the eclipse federation and BOTH seasons are going into what is going on in s6.

That being said I am more than happy to oblige :) I will always and forever yap about how much the past returns to haunt us.

Though THAT being said, I went to look up a Vitalasy quote and got light headed from how DRAMATICALLY terrible and awful and terrible zam and vi were at communication.

There was a sign room on 3/22/23 (vod archive is here) where the only way Zam felt like he could communicate his thoughts to Vi and Subz was by writing them down on signs and hollllyyy shit. That was so awkward I forgot how awkward that was. Zam could literally barely put two words together in defense of his thoughts, could only go "yeah" as Vi read the signs. And Vi literally had his thoughts written down in a book that he kept opening up and reading and highlighting to remind him of his points and would make small frustrated noises at how they were on the same page and yet also not on the same page. And also be unable to just say what he was feeling.

We are in an entirely, and I mean entirely different era of princezam. season 4 princezam could quite literally never bring derap back and tell him how he has hurt him in many words and with examples. The difference is mind boggling.

Ok so. this is going to be rambling because I dont have time to really think things through and there's a lot to cover. buckle up.

The quote I was trying to find, and didn't even really find, was Vi saying to his chat, alone, how zam leaving would be the worst thing to happen to eclipse federation. It's something I vivdly remember him saying and how much I flat out thought he was lying when I heard it the first time. How could Zam leaving or Eclipse breaking up be the worst thing when all it felt like was Vi was trying to control Zam. I didn't believe that Vi truly loved Zam and cared about having him around regardless of what the plot was.

But in the stream he had his book that he read out saying, “We have the gear, we have the hearts, we have the abilities, and we have each other” and throughout the conversation, re-highlights “we have each other” over and over. And once he was alone with chat he said, “I don't even want to build [the prison] without the team’s support”.

At that point in the 3/22 stream above, he was willing to drop the whole project over Zam and Subz being happy with it. And that'll do for my point.

Unluckily for him, between that stream and two days later when they had another meeting, Zam decided that he didn't want to be a burden for the team and would just willingly and excitingly go along with the plan to build a bedrock prison at spawn with the exploited bedrock. He jumped into a hole and killed himself to prove his commitment to the project. Vi also jumped in and also died. Oh my eclipse federation.

As recap if you have no idea what Eclipse is:

The Eclipse Federation started as a team with a goal to not be nice to the server that didn't care about them anymore. The server treated Subz like shit. He had been pacifist all season and kept getting dragged into conflict and killed, and Mapicc (and zam and spoke) blew up his base, and he was tired of being stepped on. So it was time to stand back up.

Vi joined Eclipse with a secret plan that only Subz knew (and ash and spoke) that had been planned since day 1 of the server: he had the wormhole. A game breaking exploit that got them creative mode items and eventually, (after zam betrayed, and only for spoke), op itself. But he wanted to reveal this slowly and excitedly to the server to create a sense of fun and mystery. And he also wanted to balance the server by having the exploits and only using them to defend those he cared about and to create a prison to deter others from trying to be tyrants. He didn't want to be the villain.

Zam joined Eclipse because Mapicc was hunting him down over and over and had just recently banned him off and revived him and left him on one heart. He had betrayed and left Mapicc (and ro) because they had duped thousands of items with a different exploit and Zam was totally done with anyone having an unfair advantage on this server. He burned the dupes and left the team.

Subz took him in when he had nothing, gave him gear and some of his own hearts, gave him a base, a home, and a team to protect him if Mapicc came back after him (and mapicc did. and they protected him).

Eclipse thrived as a team for over a month or so. Laughed and made bases, logged on at odd hours of the night to save Zam, showed up for him and were a great and supportive team. Nothing was wrong.

But that sense of safety would be cracked and then shattered over the coming months.

Bacon said it great at the start of this stream, and if you're new and reading this, honestly so much of what is relevant in comparison of the past is said by the members in the modern era.

But Bacon said that intention and action matter, and maybe action a bit more. Zam agreed and said that what still hurt was how Vi and Subz were good to him. And he wished he didn't kill Vi when he betrayed him, that he only did that because he wanted to twist the knife.

And importantly if you're paying attention at home, Zam is finally in a spot where he accepts that he would have left Eclipse either way. It's just how he left that haunts him.

What the "intention" and "action" were is where Eclipse became the most fucked shakespearean tragedy on levels far past what you could imagine. I'm always one to giggle about how s6 is like s4, but it is maybe 20% like s4. s4 was a fucking crazy ride. I highly recommend it.

Over the coming months, Vi would try and Not reveal to Zam too much about what was planned for the wormhole because he 1) didn't want to spoil it and 2) didn't want ANYONE to figure out how to do this exploit bc it would work on any server.

But also he would desperately, and consistently, and so very very terribly at doing it, was trying to keep Zam on the team... by lying to him.

This is where chat started bringing up s4 when Zam and Derap were talking in the base. Vitalasy lied about a lot of things to Zam, and they specifically had a "no more lies" conversation too.

And from Vitalasy's point of view, he was only holding things back for Zam's own good, to keep Zam happy, to make Zam feel included, to protect Zam from getting scared and running when there was nothing to be scared about.

He also wanted to tell Zam everything, but Zam had said if chat couldn't know, he didn't want to know, and that he trusted Vitalasy.

But Vi had so many moving parts to work with that he would say something like "we have a bedrock farm in the end" to, from his mind, appease chat and keep them off the trail, while also imagining that Zam would understand that there was no bedrock farm. And then he also forgot that he even said that to Zam at all because it was not meant to be taken as the truth.

(Or like Derap says he was the only one to fight against Subz, not because he was but because that's what it felt like to him. It wasn't meant to be taken fully literally, it was just what was important to say)

But Zam would find out it was a lie, and his trust would waver. He'd think about how Vitalasy was adamant he only look at the first 20 (iirc) pages of the wormhole plan and was unwilling to let him see more. In the moment Zam was okay with not getting more info because he trusted Vi implicitly, but Planet eventually saw the book and told Zam that there were only 20 pages and Vi was lying to him.

On that note, another similarity is Bacon talking with Zam. Him and Planet would have tons of conversations with Zam as Zam worked through trusting and then not trusting his team and getting more and more miserable. I made a poll a while back about whether or not they were the reason Zam left Eclipse or if he would have left them anyway and the poll came back a perfect 50/50.

Which is funny because chat in s4 was SO 50/50 on Zam staying or leaving Eclipse. And chat now is so 50/50 on if Derap is being manipulative or not. All that chatter is gonna get loud. And makes it quite reminiscent of s4 all by itself.

Now, now that everything is said and done with s4, it is very very clear that Vitalasy was NOT wanting to be the villain. He said it All the time, but the way that he said it made it Sound like he was straight out lying. He would give examples of the god powers he could do, and how he could be evil, and then immediately say, but I wont do that, i couldn't do that. i don't have the heart to do that.

At times he would look like someone brandishing a knife saying, I'm not going to kill you. That doesn't exactly fill anyone with confidence of not being stabbed.

And when players would ask him to put the exploits down he would say, what exploits? I'm not exploiting right now. While he was flying with potion particles wafting off his character. Somehow, in his mind, since the exploit was obtained in a specific way, one was only exploiting during the moments that they were obtaining the powers, and then after it was just vanilla minecraft bc most of it was potions (with all the positive or negative affects in the game), or it was a double-join glitch and once you set it up it wasn't your fault that you could fly.

And when you watch lifesteal, and specifically princezam, having the heart to commit atrocities is not part of the equation. Mapicc and Zam and Ro committed atrocity after atrocity as Team Awesome, despite Zam clearly having remorse and regrets about the evil he was doing. Despite Zam deciding that he didn't want to be evil and wanted to get rid of the exploits. Despite him leaving Team Awesome. None of those feelings made Zam Not commit those villainous acts.

So to turn around and have Vi insist over and over that he wouldn't use these exploits for real... it just sounded fake. Absurd.

Especially as the plot progressed and Zam betrayed and Vi started Actually Using the exploits constantly, and killed Planet a dozen times in the prison, and was flying around, and was breaking out of the prison when Spoke put him in. He kept using more and more exploits all the while insisting that he wasn't going to be the villain. It was the most fascinating train wreck to watch. And so painful. And so mind bogglingly flabbergasting for truly, and I mean truly, not knowing what was going on in Vitalasy's mind.

But in the end, as Bacon was saying, Vi gave up. As he kept talking to Bacon and Zam and Planet, over time Vi got more and more sad about being the villain, he hated being the villain, he felt misunderstood because he just wanted to use the exploits to protect those he cared about, and he missed princezam and was so SO sad (and mad) about Eclipse falling apart, and so he finally decided to give up all the exploits and burn them in front of the server.

The Server thought he was full of shit and had more exploits at his base and laughed him off the stage.

And Vi banned himself off the server that day. Gave up being the villain in the most permanent way he knew how. And the arc ground to a screeching halt.

...until Subz revived Vitalasy specifically to tour him around the server, reveal a new base, and then tell Vi to kill him. Ban himself off the server because Subz had gotten to a point of missing Zam and Vi and him being a team that he thought maybe, maybe, if he wasn't around they would come back together.

And Zam, well he thought of banning himself off the server too, but ultimately didn't decide to do it, not really but partially because Vi's revival and Subz' subsequent ban, it would have been Too Much to have a trifecta of suicide from one team. But they were literally all doing the same depression plot all on top of each other. It was so much tragedy oh my goodness.

but instead of banning himself, Zam joined Spoke for the wormhole, deciding that it would be best for the server and everyone if he just ended it as fast as possible so they could move on to season 5. (also Pangi bedrocked trapped him to change the trajectory of his life)

So the parallels that keep coming up are the looming doom that Vi/Derap are lying to him. That Zam is unable to tell what is the truth and who to trust.

And that's the terrible part, imo, of s6 and these parallels, and the reason I wanted to find that Vitalasy quote at the start.

You CAN, from a certain angle, when you boil out the wormhole, say that the Vitalasy Zam arc was Vitalasy desperately trying to stay teammates with PrinceZam by telling him anything he needed to hear to be okay with not betraying them.

And there is nothing Zam hates more than being lied to. Even exploits. In the end, before he betrayed, it was more about the fact that Vi lied to him about the bedrock farm and lied to him about changing the prison and lied to him about a bunch of other things, than it was about the exploits themselves. Though, finding a vault of Vi's exploits IS what sealed the bag for Zam betraying.

Which sounds incredibly similar to what Derap is doing.

Even Derap being so accommodating to talking to Zam about his concerns is so Vitalasy. And changing his plans based on Zam, but in a way that Zam doesn't quite trust, is so s4. I don't even know how to begin to describe the actual vi and zam relationship in s4, but this derap one is a fading parallel that is so so so close and also seemingly so so so far.

I do not think Derap is being manipulative on purpose, and esp after this stream I don't think he any sort of master plan like Vi had with the wormhole. And it was mostly the wormhole that drove Zam away from Vi.

But the wormhole was just the convenient glitter that allowed Zam to delve into a greater problem: his communication skills and his hatred of being lied to.

And when you take season 5 into consideration, where Jumper lied to him straight out for three months straight, Zam is now completely triggered by the smallest hint of a lie.

And Derap is manipulating the truth to make himself look good or drive a point home about Zam. He isn't lying to cover some big plan up.

This is where I'm like, this is not going to end like Eclipse at all. This is already so far past were Eclipse was it's crazy. Because Zam has learned how to articulate himself and stand up for himself. He's completely gun-shy about it, but he is learning how to do it and actually practicing the skills he needs to make it happen.

But, I made this comparison a couple of posts ago, with Derap specifically vod-watch stream sniping Zam (which Zam does not know about at all, so no snitches, also it's technically legal bc they're teammates), this pulls s6 back into the realm of s4. Zam Hates stream sniping just as much as he hates exploits. The game is set and we shall have to wait and see what comes of it.

But between vod watching his teammate to find out why he is not trusting him and having the prot 4 exploit, Derap was on thin ice for keeping secrets while manipulating the truth. Now that the prot 4 exploit is out in the open, it doesn't help much, but it does change things. I can only imagine what might happen if Derap keeps accidentally slipping up and mentioning chat messages he's not supposed to have seen.. like needing a PR team.

But without the big evil looking plan like Vi had, idk if the parallels are paralleling. Though Zam ending stream talking about is it even worth continuing is So s4. The constant back and forth and indecision was the hallmark for how Zam ended up being completely miserable in Eclipse by the end and the fertile ground to make him betray the second he found the full exploits.

But the more desperate Derap is to keep Zam on his team, the more Zam is going to panic at the smallest things.

Now, for Zam's deteriorating mental health... this isn't new in the slightest. If anything he is wildly more stable now than the past, as I've mentioned above. I don't really know how to phrase any of this because Zam from a mental health perspective is the largest can of worms you can open. There are so many layers and discoveries and learning and pain and woundedness.

He has a history of paranoia that started from the first moment he stepped onto this server, then he was hunted down in his base multiple times so trading with villagers gives him trauma for being jumped. He is constantly thinking about how he might be betrayed because he was betrayed several times before s5, and then in s5 he was almost completely broken by Jumper's betrayal and now everything triggers that trauma. He also was the betrayer many times and knows what it feels like to be the one hurting others and is anxious he will do it again or that others will do it to him. He's a people pleaser who cannot bear anyone being mad at him and will do whatever it takes to make it better. But he's also a recovering people pleaser and learning how to stand up for himself and his needs.

He doesn't even know what's wrong with himself, but as he said to Derap, Derap saying that makes him feel like there is something terribly wrong with himself. That he's a burden too heavy to bear. And that nobody wants him. The negative self talk is loud.

None of this is new. This is the princezam experience. He gets himself into these situations that make him face some aspect about himself that cuts far deeper than any lore would normally go. And after watching for 2 years it's incredible to see the growth.

And then there's the stone sword mentality. Which I don't necessarily put under mental health though it's adjacent.

You probably don't remember, but early on in s6 Zam had a late night, while making the flame volcano, where he told chat the origin of the stone sword mentality. (7/21/24, about 7:48:00)

His first every youtube video win, he had a public smp with his friends and everyone was xraying and hacking and when someone became the villain and killed Zam, he just set his bed and made stone swords and kept running in, over and over and over. And eventually he actually won. Running at the villain over and over worked.

In terms of lifesteal, stone sword comes from the day in s4 when he died to Mapicc and Ro while fighting for spawn. They went to his respawn and killed him 13 more times. And all throughout Zam was making stone swords trying to kill Ro, but Ro put him on two hearts and left him alone. Mapicc saying they're gods not demons.

But earlier than that, in the finale of s3, Zam made stone axes and ran at Spoke over and over while Spoke slowly farmed him off the sever. And Spoke banned him. Zam accepted the loss and learned that lifesteal is about killing, and gave up being the hero.

And in s5 Zam threw himself at Minute over and over. Usually with Mapicc, but one time in particular he set his bed in front of Minute and fought him until Minute killed him just to see what Minute would do when he respawned right there. This was just before the Joker arc truly started.

In the Joker arc, in the end, after trying for weeks to get Minute and Jumper to kill him, he finally got his wish and got 4v1ed and died almost instantly, banning himself off the server in gayjoker flare, cackling that he won.

Throwing himself at impossible odds and never giving up is princezam. Doing it even if it means death is princezam. The gross disregard for his own life is princezam.

He only looks at the underlying reasonings occasionally. How he runs from his problems by killing himself. Any time he doesn't know what to do, he solves it with a self-ban on someone's sword.

This was actually the very first time that he allowed the connection to be made that he wanted to suicide on Flame's sword and actually used that word.

But it's so heartbreaking to hear him talk about it with Derap.  ZAM: “it is dumb. Its self destructive, its stupid, its everything everyone says about me”

Over the years Zam has been called insane and stupid and been misunderstood and a lot of shitty things by the members. And he hears what they say, and he takes it on too. How can he not believe them when everyone says this about him.

But the stone sword goes so much deeper than a destructive defense mechanism. In so many ways it really strikes the core of who Zam is, how he views lifesteal and minecraft. A place where lives don't matter, where you can fight for what you believe in even if you have no hope.

Stone swording has helped him countless times. Being willing to die so easily has kept him safe in some ways, it makes the pvpers pause and be confused and not understand why he would do this. He does still die, but it makes them pause, and in that pause and in being able to grind back up to full gear so easily, it gives Zam the emotional upper hand in the face of power he could never defeat.

And, potentially, makes the pvper think differently about the server.

So much of the s5 Joker arc was about getting Minute and Jumper to understand that they need to kill people on the killing people sever, and Zam tried teaching them that by being a destructive menace that also set his bed in front of them and asked them to kill him over and over. He tested and pushed and prodded them into doing what this sever was made for. Making them loose the idealogical battle so Mapicc and The Players could win the pvp battle.

And even in this stream with Flame, there was none of the gayjoker flare or off-putting delightful giggles, but Zam was teaching Flame much the same lesson, in many of the same way. That he really doesn't have a plan and he can kill him. That he shouldn't be so paranoid about a trap.

All along the way teaching them something about lifesteal that cannot be taught any other way. Death is not important. Lives don't matter.

This is princezam. This is what he does.

And it's so interesting how an idealogical look on lifesteal and minecraft can so easily turn into a discussion about self destructive coping mechanisms.

And Zam wears his "I'm dumb, stupid, what the fuck is wrong with you" mental health as its own defense mechanism. He claims (or rejects) but still believes the shit people say to him which only furthers the idea that this ideology about minecraft IS fundamentally fucked up, that he is broken beyond repair. Which only serves to spiral the discussion rather than letting Zam just be Zam.

Because as he reminisced about the first stone sword incident on that public smp, he said how lifesteal feels like that server, like home.

But going back to how he learned lifesteal was about killing and gave up being the hero in s3, this was part of why Eclipse fell apart.

Vitalasy partially wanted Zam on the team because he wanted Zam to be their moral backbone and make sure they didn't go too far. Zam gave himself the duty of being "the anchor", and that position weighed on him so heavily. He hated being the voice of what they should or should not do, and in his heart he didn't want them to do exploits at all, but he felt bad that Vi had this plan all season and didn't want to be the reason it didn't happen.

But what Vitalasy didn't realize was just how morally different Zam had become.

It was Vi who spurred Zam on to be the hero at the end of s3, passing the mantle of keeping everyone revived onto Zam while Vi banned himself off for the season. And Zam embraced the mantle, fighting for the people of the server against Spoke and Clown who would rather see everyone banned.

But over the course of the finale, Spoke got nearly everyone to betray Zam at some point, leaking his base over and over, and eventually convinced Zam that this is lifesteal and the server must die.

This hugely marked Zam going into s4. He didn't want to be the main character, he didn't want to be the hero, and for the first time ever (iirc) he started talking about how on lifesteal there are no heroes and villains. He became morally grey.

And in his greyness he joined Team Awesome and committed the above atrocities.

But what Vitalasy didn't realize, not until it was too late, was that all this had happened to Zam, and he had been changed since he last saw him before the finale of s3. Vi was inactive most of s4 until Eclipse, only logging on at the start, killing people (like Mapicc and Ro) and and giving hearts to Mapicc and Ro, and then logging off. And Zam was not on s4 at that time, joining a couple months late. The two didn't speak a word to each other from the day of the s3 finale (actually it might've been before then) until they were both on Eclipse.

So when he asked Zam to be their moral backbone, he thought Zam was morally upright.

But Zam is both morally upright and morally corrupt. He will equally fight for the server and repair spawn and get rid of exploits just as much as he will use exploits and kill innocents and be a cold blooded killer.

And he doesn't know himself what is the right thing to do.

So to put him in the position of being the moral backbone, instead of being a good thing and what Zam was good at, was the actual worst place for him to be.

And I think a similar thing is happening with Derap. Derap doesn't realize how Zam has changed and been changed by the server. He's aware of the lore because he used to watch streams, but he hasn't really truly gotten it into himself (or maybe he's just not acting on it bc his character can't know any of this bc he's new) that Zam has been utterly changed by s4 and s5. He just thinks Zam needs to stick up for himself a bit and get over the past. But Zam is deeply, deeply affected by what happened. And that's going to cause conflict within the team.

In some ways Derap is just like Vitalasy, but in others he is totally and completely wholesome and the best thing that's ever happened to Zam on lifesteal (which you also could have said about Vitalasy at some points), a teammate that really wants to be with him through thick and thin and isn't afraid of any of the darkness.

It's exactly the kind of relationship that heals past wounds, makes you believe there is good in the world again, and that maybe you're lovable even if you're a mess.

But he doesn't understand the darkness, hasn't seen it, so how can he truly understand.

And that's exactly what we're going to be watching unfold in the coming month(s).

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk.

[thestarsaboveme]

Lads men x Reader who's really into horror movies

masterlist

this was a request from a kind anon.

summary: reader who really likes horror movies.

rafayel | zayne | sylus | caleb

xavier x reader | fluff

The screen flickers in the darkened living room, casting long shadows over the blanket you've wrapped yourself in. The volume is low, hut how you like it when rewatching a horror movie for the sixth time. No, seventh? So you can better hear the scrawl of your pen in your notebook.

Well ''notebook'' might be generous. It's a Frankenstein monster of paper and tape, post-its and torn film pamphlets, a few dried flower petals. From Midsommar night, you tell people. Xavier had looked…concerned. And at least one coffee stain shaped suspiciously like that one slashers mask you had seen a couple nights ago.

Xavier lounges on the far end of the couch, legs stretched out, one arm draped along the back. He's watching you, not the screen.

''Alright,'' he murmurs, voice deep and velvety in the low light, ''what's the kill count now?''

You glance up with a distracted smile, flipping a page filled with messy annotations and a crude sketch of the film's main set. ''Four so far, but technically it's five if you count the dog. And I do. You have to count the dog.''

He chuckles under his breath. ''Of course.''

''Also, okay, listen,'' you shift to face him fully, your chunky book resting open on your lap, ''the director, knew what he was doing with that mirror shot. It's not just for cheap tension. It's a metaphor.''

''For…?''

''For the fractured self! The protagonist is literally split between who they think they are and the monster they might become. It's so good. You can see it in the way the lighting shifts every time they walk past a reflective surface. It's subtle, but intentional. I have notes on the cinematographer's techniques somewhere in…wait…'' You begin flipping pages rapidly.

Xavier leans over slightly, eyes scanning the mass of scribbled ink, ticket stubs, and what might be a grocery list that says ''garlic (not vampire-related, real-life needs) in bold letters.

''You know,'' he says softly, with the kind of fond amusement that makes your heart thump, ''you ramble about murder and psychological horror with the same tone most people use to talk about puppies.''

You freeze. ''Is that…weird?''

''No.'' His answer was instant, gentle. ''It's you.''

You blink.

''Besides,'' he adds, reaching to tug a yellowed corner of a loose page back into the notebook, ''I think it's kind of adorable, how much you care about the craft. The way your eyes light up when you explain things. It's…warm.''

You look at him, and for a moment the only sound is the TV. ''Even when I talk about dismemberment theory in Hereditary?''

He smiles. ''Especially then.''

A beat.

''I can keep going?'' you ask, hopeful.

He tilts his head back against the couch and closes his eyes like he's listening to a lullaby. ''I'm all ears.''

And so, you do. You ramble about camera angles symbolism, quote obscure interviews, compare thematic motifs across horror eras. All while your chunky little notebook rests between you like a bridge, pages fluttering like wings. Xavier doesn't interrupt. He just listens, smiles, and once in a while, adds a quiet, ''Tell me more.''

In that quiet room, between shadows on screen and the soft hum of your voice, Xavier finds something scarier than any movie.

He's falling. And he doesn't want to stop.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

One of your posts popped out on my feed, and I've spent a couple hours now scrolling through your page here and there, and I have some thoughts.

First of all, I can tell that you put so much effort into each post you write, and I commend you for that! It's so cool!

Secondly, this going to be super long, I started writing and the words kept flowing, sorry! Feel free to ignore if it's too much. English is not my first language (Japanese & Korean are), so I apologize for any mistakes!

Please, don't take the following as an attack on you, I just want to state my observations, you aren't obliged to reply, and I tried to be as respectful as possible.

I recall you mentioning in one post that you try to be as 'objective' as possible when you answer questions and write posts, but personally, when it comes to a certain character, you are anything but.

And that character is Malleus.

I'm not even a fan of him, I'm pretty neutral, I think he has so much potential to be an interesting character, but he has been consistently done dirty by the writers, especially in his own book, and this seems to be the general consensus among people who aren't hardcore fans of his, and you seem to be to one of them.

Each time you mention Malleus in one of your posts (posts that pertain to other characters, and have almost little/nothing to do with him) I could tell that something was 'off', from the very first moment, I could tell that you viewed him negatively. I can tell you try to word things as neutrally as you can, but your dislike of him just oozes through, I guess. Lmao.

And lo & behold! I saw a post where you mentioned that you DO dislike him, and I was 'Yeah, I could tell'. I have no problem with people disliking him, as I said, I'm neutral, and people are entitled to their opinions.

But then you mentioned that you try to be objective whenever you answer questions, and I was like 'What? So that was you being objective?!' And then you said Leona was one of your faves...and yeah, you don't say! (Leona is my top 4 favorite, BTW)

There's you very SEVERELY minimizing his popularity in Japan. From my observations, it seems Malleus is the most popular character overseas & the most well-liked in general. Here in Japan, he isn't the first, but he is definitely one of the most popular, the only ones I'd pit above him are: Octavinelle, Idia, Skully, Leona. He ranks fairly high in polls & is spoken about very fondly, and is rarely criticized. You bringing up the topic of popularity just seems like a way for you to 'justify' & 'validate' your dislike of him, when he's universally loved. People like you & me (people who are neutral on him or dislike him) are pretty rare, whether it's in Japan or overseas. No matter how much you try to spin it, the tastes of fans across the two servers are very close, for example: Jack, Ortho, Grim, Epel, and Crowley are unpopular amongst both fandoms, Vil & the Scarabia duo are decently popular amongst both fandoms. Malleus has been steadily growing in popularity with the releases of Book 7, and I expect him to really raise in the ranks.

It's very obvious you hate Malleus, and your takes on him are fuelled by that hate, especially some of your takes on the ending of Book 7. You don't give him any grace, you are ESPECIALLY hard on him compared to the other characters, and frankly, you demand too much from him, as a person and as a character.

Even when the writers themselves made sure to let it be known that no injuries were caused, no lasting damage (which I personally thought was pretty obvious, but figured the writers had to get that one out for people like you, who convinced themselves he was more dangerous than he was) you still insist on it being false.

Out of all the other overblotters, Malleus had the most severe consequences, both physically (as he's now handicapped) and mentally (just because Lilia is now alive doesn't change that Malleus KILLED HIM, which is pretty different than Idia's situation, and bound to leave some PTSD). Leona caused way more injuries and girth way more people, even tried to kill Ruggie, and he didn't even have the excuse of being in a state of overblot, he did all that fully conscious, fully aware. He intentionally hurt people, but he's instantly forgiven & immediately he's back to his normal everyday life, forgiven. In contrast, Malleus hurt no one (except Lilia), never intended to harm (and intent DOES matter), all of this makes paints him in more favorable light compared to Leona (and Vil, who also tried to murder someone intentionally before he overblotted) It just seems like you WANT the narrative to justify your hatred of Malleus, you intentionally try to interpret & look at him and his actions from the worst perspective possible, in the most contrived way.

Even when most of the supposed 'victims' themselves have made an entire club based on how happy the dream world made them (which was Malleus's intention all along), and how much they miss it (in a scene presented as a comedic moment, intended to hammer the fact that Malleus truly hurt no one) you twist the scene into it being 'cult-like'?

The narrative isn't bending over backwards to make the situation seem more lighthearted than it was, it isn't retconning anything, the narrative is simply confirming what has already been implied (and what I thought was plainly obvious) for the sake of making things clear for people who would insist that the situation was worse than it was.

Why the surprise over no one being injured? Malleus has simply put people into sleep! Why would they be injured? They aren't in distress, and are content in their dreamworld. The only danger has always been it eventually taking over the world, and the people atrophying without the sustenance.

Why the surprise that he was allowed back in school? Why would the others be given a second chance & not Malleus? Even Crowley points that blatant hypocrisy out. If everyone turned out healthy & sound after the ordeal, all the damage has been repaired, & sincere apologies & compensations were provided, & there no long-lasting damage, then why should Malleus keep suffering?

Why the surprise that the students immediately forgave him? Physically no-one was harmed. Emotionally he didn't intend to hurt them, and the vast majority of them were happy in the dreamworld. Silver explained to them why Malleus did what he did, and they were all smart enough to understand his motives & intent, and wanted to stop him. The main characters got their lickback & the anger out of their systems by fighting him & weakening him, so they don't have a reason to be angry anymore. A running theme has always been NRC students being extraordinary difficult, they're all aware of it, and if anything, thsy find it amusing.

Twisted Wonderland has always been about second chances, learning from one's mistakes, applying the lesson one learned, and doing better. All the other students were given a second chance and proved themselves, why do you so vehemently abhor that for Malleus?

Malleus was misguided, but his actions were not out of malice (like Leona, Vil, Azul, Riddle), they were out of love & genuine desire to help people, and since he's a child who's never been taught proper emotional regulation and social behavior, he went about it in the most childish & simple way possible.

It just seems like you WANT Malleus to be punished, you want him to suffer. Him being maimed & handicapped for centuries isn't enough, you want more punishment for him. Him living in isolation & loneliness for almost 200 years, and being feared & avoided by his peers isn't enough, you also want him to be hated by them & isolated even more severely than before, you want him to be labelled a monster. Him having to live with the fact he killed his father isn't enough, you also want his father to have stayed dead, and for Malleus to wallow in his grief, pain, self-hatred for eternity (which includes a forever broken & unrepairable relationship with the only other 2 people who loved him).

And don't even get me started with you implying he hasn't shown enough guilt, because when has Leona? When has Azul?

It seems you don't Malleus to get a second chance, you don't want him learning from his mistakes & given a chance to do better, you don't want fairness, you just want him punished, hurt, and suffering.

I probably wouldn't have had much of an issue had you not stated your goal of being 'objective'. It's obvious you want & expect the worst out of him.

ご質問ありがとうございます！ 最初は丁寧にご意��を述べてくださいましたが、途中で感情的になってしまったのでしょうか。 誤解を与えてしまったようで、この回答で説明いたします。

From my understanding, you seem to take issue with my usage of a particular word, "objective". I'm not sure which posts you happened to see (as there are admittedly a lot of them on this blog), but assuming that this was one of the #feedback for the writing raven posts, it's not a claim I make very often. It's typically something I hear from readers, such as in this post, this post, and this post, which are all examples from the last year. In the final example I linked, I do mention my goal in being objective, but I also state that 1) it's impossible to eliminate all bias and 2) there's a difference between minimizing my bias for the sake of analysis and allowing myself to freely criticize a character or writing based on my opinions. I will never be 100% free of bias, especially on posts where I am sharing my opinion. I don't claim to be perfectly objective in all instances, I just try to give every character a chance since they all have the potential to evolve, especially in a live service game like Twst. Some of the characters I love today are ones I loathed at launch (ie Leona), and some of the characters that are my most loathed today are the ones I loved at launch (ie Azul). By that logic, there's no reason why Malleus can't have a similar shift.

Again, I don't know what posts you looked at to form your view of how I see Malleus--but honestly, I guess I'm just confused as to how you reached the conclusion that you did. At this point, I don't think it's a secret that I dislike him (I sometimes bring it up to give context to what I'm about to say), but I also don't think I've ever expressed outright hatred. Hatred implies an unwillingness to see his positive traits and potential for growth, and I don't think that describes how I discuss him at all (a sentiment which I believe is shared by my readers). I do sound exasperated in some critique, yes, but it doesn't come from a place of malice. I don't think there's a purpose in getting needlessly mad about a fictional character. Malleus Draconia doesn't exist and doesn't impact my life outside of the moments when I engage with fandom.

My exasperation with him comes from a place of... I guess you'd call it disappointment??? Like, he has potential to be an interesting character, but the writing that's currently there (in my opinion) doesn't support him very well and keeps squandering that potential. I want him to be better and develop as a character (as I feel he has various flaws that aren't properly addressed), but I keep being let down time and time again. It leads to me sometimes sounding frustrated when I speak about him, because it feels like the narrative is holding his character hostage until maybe post-book 7. This is especially the case because Malleus's writing has this consistent issue where he is granted opportunities to learn and grow (and even social support from Lilia and other peers), but ultimately doesn't. This isn't true for other characters, who are given moments of character development in vignettes or event stories, even if in just small ways like Idia pushing himself to drum in public or Deuce doing his best to be an honors student.

I'm not sure where the claim that I "severely minimize" his popularity in Japan comes from?? If I mention popularity at all, it's usually to compare between EN and JP. In EN polls, Malleus consistently places #1, but doesn't reach those same heights in JP. The highest placement I've seen for Malleus in JP polls is around 7th place (which is still quite commendable!). This is also the case when you consider that Malleus x Yuu is the most popular self-insert category on AO3 (largely EN), but only has a fraction of the posts as the most popular yume'd character, Floyd, on Pixiv (largely JP). His spike in popularity is also more of a recent phenomenon, I believe coinciding with book 7 which fleshes out his character a lot more. Coincidentally, this also seems to have boosted his yumejoshi ranking in JP, as he appeared in the 2024 and 2023 lists (book 7 was actively releasing in these years). I even mentioned Malleus's bump in popularity in recent posts, such as here and here.

I'm by no means downplaying Malleus's popularity, and I never claimed that the tastes of JP and non-JP fans are vastly different 💦 I only comment on major differences I noticed, such as how Trey is much more popular to yume in the JP fandom than he is in the EN fandom. I make note of things like this because I find it interesting that we can all be fans of the same content, but also interpret that content in vastly different ways. I don't do it to "justify and validate" my own feelings about Malleus. (This also applies to the claim that I want canon to "justify and validate" me; I don't, I'm perfectly content with my own views and think it would be boring if canon always agreed with me.) I have expressed time and time again that I do not care how other people choose to engage with their media; that's their business, not mine, and to encroach on that or to disrupt the fun that someone else is having would be extremely invasive and rude. There's nothing to be gained in trying to get "justification and validation" from external sources, whether that's canon or what other fans think, because it's always going to be a fruitless effort if there's no internal satisfaction, but that's a whole separate can of worms.

Regarding the ending of book 7, I'm going to take a shot in the dark and guess that you may be sourcing many of my opinions of it from this summary post. As I mention in the opening disclaimer, everything contained in that post are my initial thoughts on the events that unfold. They in no way reflect all of my thoughts, just the very emotional and on-the-spot reactions I had directly after reading the last bits. I think you may be conflating my recent critique of book 7 with hating Malleus?? I have said that I think breaking his horn was extreme and that I sympathize with him for that; there were other ways to power cap him without having to do something that drastic. I never denied that Malleus might be harboring complicated feelings after killing Lilia (I actually acknowledge it as a possibility), but the writing of book 7 certainly fails to communicate this to us. (It's also something past OBs like Riddle, Leona, and Vil, fail to express, so this may just be a quirk of Twst writing.) As I said before, many other characters were let off with a slap on the wrist and not made to fully account for what they did, and I'm not necessarily satisfied with those either.

When I say "intent doesn't matter", it's only in relation to the results. Saying "I did not mean to harm you" does not negate any harm caused. You still have some degree of responsibility for it (albeit, in a court of law you might get a lighter sentence, but technicalities). If Kalim accidentally insults Riddle's lack of physical stamina, it... doesn't negate that Riddle feels insulted by it, even if Kalim didn't mean to. If we're going to say "intent does matter", then are we willing to apply it to all other situations, not just Malleus's? Mrs. Rosehearts did not mean to traumatize her child. The Briar Valley senators did not mean to isolate Malleus by blessing him with tons of magical power. Are we willing to extend them the same courtesy of "having good intentions", even if those "good intentions" led to harming others in the process? I don't think it's fair to say this of Malleus but then not do the same for other characters.

A large part of book 7 has been dedicated to those in S.T.Y.X. emphasizing the danger Malleus's magic poses to the rest of the world. The narrative has brought up the potential of the dreamers' physical bodies wasting away from lack of sustenance at least twice. Malleus's grandmother (a mage previously described to be even more powerful than her grandson) cannot pierce his barrier. They stress that his barrier will continue to grow, unburdened, and that he has an endless magic source to draw from. Malleus is trying to attack those who get in his way (including Ortho, Silver, and Sebek with killing intent). I don't think I would be incorrect to believe the characters when they say that this is a genuinely dangerous situation. It just feels tonally dissonant to me when a lot of book 7 was building up this danger, but then the ending doesn't really match what they were building up to.

And to be clear, the other OBs also get off easy. Like, it cannot be the case that all Scarabia students suddenly trust Jamil again after book 4, or that all NRC students feel comfortable dining at the Mostro Lounge again after book 3. However, the difference here, again, is scale. It's more believable when the numbers are small, like a few hundred students. It's less so when you pump it up to several thousand people and entire nations. The larger the number we're dealing with, the more likely there would be a non-zero chance that something would go haywire. This is why I also heavily criticize how Fellow Honest was treated at the end of his event; the crime ring he was associated with surely operated on a scale grander than just the NRC student kidnappings, yet we never touched upon this further.

The "cult" comment is something I made off-the-cuff, and was partially informed by the fact that a character (I believe Ace?) called the Fairy Dream Life Association members "Draconians". That's the same term that is used to refer to die-hard Malleus fans in Diasomnia--those same die-hard fans, who will ardently and blindly support Malleus in everything he says and does. I seem to recall one instance in the first Halloween event in which Sebek leads a group of Draconians to support Malleus in attacking Magicam Monsters; Silver and Lilia had to prevent that from happening. That reads to me like a cult of personality around Malleus. If you happen to disagree with me, that's fine--but there is no need to attack different interpretations.

I want to make it clear that I'm in disbelief at the lack of consequences not because it is Malleus causing them, but because the scale was so enormous. (The other OBs already faced such limited fallout for their own actions. Had they also reached the same scale as Malleus did, I'd still be shocked at how it was all hand-waved off.) It reads as unrealistic when the ending only focuses on the good or only vaguely covers the fallout. For example, other countries were put in danger. Why were we not told about their reactions to anything that happened or how they're reacting in the aftermath? Are we expected to believe that ALL countries in Twisted Wonderland accepted the apology and moved on? The 20,000 residents on Sage's island were put to sleep. Are we supposed to believe that not a SINGLE one of them had a negative experience or woke up confused or hurt from it? What about the parents and family members of those on Sage's Island? Not ONE of them was mad, not even Mrs. Rosehearts, who yelled at a kid for 5 hours for sneaking out with her child to eat a strawberry tart? To write it as though everyone reacted the exact same, convenient way cheapens the world + its people and makes it come off as paper thin. I think these are valid concerns and not convoluted nitpicks. There is natural variance in the world (it's nearly impossible to get 20,000 people to agree on anything irl, not even things you'd think are common sense), so it's very difficult for me to believe that there was NO variance at all when reacting to the aftermath of the OB incident.

I never said Malleus shouldn't be forgiven or that he shouldn't be allowed back in school (I've actually said the opposite). My issue is that there wasn't enough accountability for what he did. I don't want Malleus to be "punished more" or to "keep suffering", I want him to fully realize and own up to everything he did. The way the ending currently stands (I blame the time skips, honestly), there's not a lot that indicates to me that Malleus truly understands the full gravity of his actions. A lot of it is being assumed by the fandom, but not indicated in the story itself, which I think is a shame because it's quite limiting for his character. It feels like everything stops short, when really, it should go on for a little longer??? For example, Malleus does apologize to NRC--which is a good start! But he still didn't like... apologize to anyone else on Sage's Island that he affected with his magic?

I'm surprised that the students seemed to immediately forgive Malleus because NRC students are frequently portrayed as vindictive and petty. They get mad, pick fights, and hold grudges over the smallest things, so it's unbelievable to me that a peer would go and do something big like this and then no one in the entire population of 800 students holds even the slightest reservation about what happened?? Again, it feels like flattening the world and the people in it (by implying they'd all act the same way) for the sake of a convenient ending. On a related note, I'm not sure if I like the use of "smart enough to understand" in your wording; it's as if to imply anyone that feels differently (even though I feel there definitely would be some variance among the students) is somehow unintelligent for having their opinion 💦 By extension, it almost feels insulting to fans who also see the situation differently (although I'd like to believe that's not your intention).

I really do not like that Malleus keeps being compared to the other OB boys in these discussions. It's always framed as "Malleus is better than them!", which implies that the others are somehow "worse". It's actively putting down others' trauma in order to uplift another's. We can talk about Malleus's own background, experiences, etc. without having to minimize others' background, experiences, etc.--but I fear that's not what is happening here. Why is it okay for people to shame and dehumanize the other OBs for the extreme actions they took, but it's "too much" when the same behaviors are turned towards Malleus? None of them should be going through that to begin with, and the fact that this is happening at all seems hypocritical to me. I have always held this opinion and am equally disgusted by this being done for any OB boy, as someone inevitably comes out of it labelled "lesser" than the others. Trauma is always valid to the person that experienced it, and to compare it to other traumas can be so incredibly demoralizing and isolating. It sometimes feels like Malleus's background is being used to shield him against taking responsibility for his actions, when the same isn't applied by fans to the other OBs. Their backgrounds are meant to explain why they are the way they are and help us empathize with them, not to entirely excuse them. This was something mentioned all the way back in book 1 too; Ace accuses Riddle of always citing his mother or the rules to justify his beheadings rather than accept accountability for his own actions. Similarly, Trey us called out for pointing out Riddle's tough home life as a reason for his current leniency in suppressing his dorm leader's anger. Riddle's background explains why he acts out and is so stringent, but it doesn't mean he isn't still responsible for his own rage and his students living in fear of him. By this logic, all OB boys (Malleus included) shouldn't lean on a tragic backstory to excuse the extreme measures they took in their respective books. I'm of the belief that they should all be granted forgiveness and the chance to redeem themselves, but they should also be aware of what they previously did and accept that they were responsible for that before they can move on and improve themselves. Both statements can be true at the same time.

To be clear: I DON'T want Malleus to be "punished", "hurt", or to "suffer" more, as you claim I do. I have explicitly stated that I disagree with his horn being broken. (There are other, much more humane ways to limit his magic, and as I bring up in my book 7 rewrite, limiting his magic may actually free Malleus of his "curse" and make him more approachable to classmates.) I DON'T "want and expect the worst of [Malleus]." I have never stated I want him to be feared/avoided/hated or labelled a monster by the people of Twisted Wonderland. What I am asking for is for more explicit accountability for what he did and more realistic fallout for his actions (again, I find it very difficult to believe that not a single person in all of Twisted Wonderland holds even the slightest reservations in the aftermath of his OB). I want him to prove he has changed and have to EARN people's trust, not have it be handed to him so easily. The other OB boys all have to work hard (and are still working hard) to make amends for their wrongs, but Malleus seemingly has to do so much less despite the scale of his magic being so much grander. One example I mentioned earlier was him only apologizing to a fraction of the people he put under his spell when he actually disrupted many more lives than that.

I want to clarify that the reason I think Lilia should have died ISN'T because I "want Malleus to suffer". It's because I genuinely think this would better serve Malleus's character arc. He initially OBs because he wanted to prevent Lilia from leaving, yes? But then he... ends up getting the exact thing he lost his temper over, even though the solution was never quite this simple for the other OB boys. This feels as though Malleus and Malleus alone is getting special treatment. It's true that he killed Lilia, but Lilia remains dead for all of 5 seconds, so it doesn't feel as though that loss really sank in. Malleus is not challenged by, nor confronted with, mortality or coming to terms with drastic life changes. As I mention in my book 7 rewrite, Lilia didn't even necessarily need to stay dead in order for Malleus to have growth; all we would have needed was like... a coma or something? Some period of time that would force Malleus to sit and really self-reflect. The recurring issue with Malleus's writing is that he is always given chances to learn, but doesn't follow through on them. Even when it is advice being dispensed to him BY Lilia (a la Malleus's Dorm Uniform vignettes), Malleus doesn't take it to heart, either because something gets in the way or because he struggles to understand that advice, whatever. But in the aftermath of such a serious situation--something that unfolded by his hand, it's an opportunity for him to be introspective instead of brushing it off like in previous instances.

Again, I really think that the characters not openly demonstrating remorse for what they did is a consistent pattern with Twst's writing. It's not something unique to Malleus--but the thing is, when Malleus's motives are so often identified as "selfless" and "for everyone's happiness" and his magic isn't contained, he's impacting many more lives. Malleus is also in a position in which he represents a country and its future, and he himself has continuously expressed that he must maintain relations and decorum as future head of state. When he then goes and betrays his own morals, should he not demonstrate more recognition of that? (I think the only OB that stands out in this regard is Vil, who did apologize to the VDC/SDC team.) Of course, it's possible that this is covered more in book 8, but since book 7 ends in a time skip of several weeks and a party, I was expecting this to be more prominently displayed in the speech Malleus gives to the attendees.

I will say that I am tough on Malleus, but I think I'm allowed to be when he has so much power and status behind his name. It's that whole "with great power comes great responsibility" thing; the more you have, the more careful you should be with it. That's something Malleus is very aware of himself, so it tends to irk me when he misuses his magic. I disagree with other powerful mages' use of magic as well; you just don't see me harping on those because those instances are not as frequent. I don't like that Vil cursed the cake and pie Trey gifted the gang, and I don't like that Leona almost sanded Ruggie--but we rarely see other characters doing these things repeatedly. But then I see Malleus attacking Magicam Monsters and children (Lock, Shock, and Barrel), Malleus disregarding his fellow dorm leaders' autonomy (by using a spell normally cast on objects on them), stopping time and kidnapping people for a party without considering the consequences, etc. On one hand, you have Malleus aware of his position and the difference in power between him and his peers--but on the other hand, he's frequently using these powers on others with little regard for them, and isn't truly told off for it. This will feed into how some people perceive him--because if even his closest guardian figure, Lilia, isn't holding him accountable, then naturally some players will take up that mantle.

Malleus has been enabled his whole life, and this is even shown to us in his post-OB flashback and other materials. He's been told he doesn't have to apologize when he hurts people. He's never had to answer for the things he does--whether just simply rude or cataclysmic--because his power and status excuse him. I feel that fans protecting him and not truly holding him accountable for what he did is actually holding him back from bettering as a person, and that is endlessly frustrating to watch. He cannot be better if he's never allowed to identify that there is a problem to begin with. It feels like I'm watching someone I grew distant from spiral into a really bad habit, and he's ignoring all my warnings and pleas to take a look in the mirror; he fails to see that he's hurting himself because his other friends keep telling him that he's not doing anything wrong, so he keeps getting worse and worse when all I want is to see him improve. I don't think it's "demanding too much" for me to say that I don't think Malleus will improve if he's not first recognizing that he's made a mistake to begin with. If anything, I think it's unfair to give him treatment that isn't granted to any other OB. Frankly, I don't think I've seen anyone defending an OB boy to the same extent that Malleus has been, and to point out this discrepancy is my attempt at trying to provide "the other side", sans vitriol. If it seems to you like I'm not granting Malleus any grace, it's because those I'm discussing the topic with are typically already granting him maximum grace. When I point out what's missing or perhaps feels unsatisfactory about the ending, it's not a dig directed at Malleus; it's me trying to be pragmatic about writing in general. (I think the "not everyone thinks the exact same way" part is particularly salient, especially after seeing the variance in reaction to book 7's ending.)

TLDR

Many accusations about how I feel about Malleus were made in this ask. I do not believe that they accurately represent me. If you don't agree with that, that's fine--but then I guess my question becomes "Why send this in the first place?" It feels as though an opinion was formed based on making the worst possible assumptions of my character--and that's okay, that's a right everyone is allowed to have, and I certainly don't expect everyone to agree with me or to even like me/my takes. However, I just don't see what there is to gain in sending these thoughts to anyone?? I am genuinely very confused.

To clarify, I responded to this ask because I wanted to clarify my opinions on book 7's ending again, in case anyone missed them. I don't want my thoughts to be misconstrued as being blindly hateful.

[moirailsupport]

fun bits from re-animator novelization

at one point dan says he wants to "get stoned." He's probably referring to alcohol but it's funny to pretend he isn't.

dan has star trek sheets

dan at one point thinks about how Hill would be so 'doting' in bed??

Whoever wrote this book Does Not Like Halsey

At one point they say Cain when they mean West. -_-

Meg compares Hill to Spock. Guess they both like star trek??

There's a janitor named Vinnie Papa and then three pages later there's a homophobic detective named Vinnie Papa. What is going on

also when Detective Daddy asks if they're gay West just. Looks at the floor

I'm appreciating all the Meg characterization. She's a very giving soul, and has played housekeeper for her father ever since her mother left (see point four)

The "I recognize this(i sure hope you do it's a microscope) becomes "I recognize this, it's school property you took without permission." good change

"if you need proof of my reagent's power, put it on your next hamburger instead of catsup. The results will astonish you."

They have Herbert lie to Dan about Hill wanting to make him "Disappear" In the movie it was the truth.

"He pitied West then...for the transparent resentment-or was it jealousy?-he showed Meg." No comment.

getting off is referred to as "bopping [one's] baloney", which I must admit is new.

One of Hill's goals as king of the world™️is to make everyone watch a miniseries about his life which I must admit made me chuckle. Sir? Not even a movie? Really?

There's an implication that West killed his parents on purpose. Fun!

"He liked [Dan] and enjoyed being with him, but he was not a true scientist. He would make a fine general practitioner and husband. ...I know that they mean "for meg" or "he just has that vibe" but it does very much reads like Herbert means 'in relation to myself'

whoever wrote this book really likes the word "austere." they use it alot

BWWWAHAHAH HOLY SHIT ok. so. Zombie Halsey kills someone, and Dan & Herbert walk past the crime scene. The homophobic detective stops them and the two of them start trying to get tf out of there. Then this happens:

Herbert then decided that Homophobes Don't Get Reagent.

Hill says that Herbert gets no bitches.

Yooooo Megan saves Dan from some of the zombies!!!! By bashing their heads in!!!!