#i’m trapped in a hell of my own making. essentially

[shaadowmilkcookie]

swear on it.

[hyunebunx]

maybe it's not our fault - chapter 01

── synopsis: after a nasty breakup that’s left you completely shattered, you’re set on giving up on love forever. That is until, in a surprising turn of events, your respective best friends start dating and one of their main goals is to restore the peace in your broken relationship. Will their plan succeed? Will they manage to play cupid and get you and your high school sweetheart back together, or will it all backfire and result in the end of their own love story?

There is only one way to find out. If only your beloved’s heart wasn’t already broken beyond repair…

╰─▸ ❝ pairing: hyunjin x fem!reader

╰─▸ ❝ content: exes to lovers, angst, mutual pining, fluff, suggestive themes, drama and heartbreak, jock!hyunjin who is captain of the uni's football team + dance major!hyunjin, college au, lack of communication.

╰─▸ ❝ word count: 10k

╰─▸ ❝chapter 02

a/n: it's here!! special thank you to my croissant baby laure @byunfirstlady (this wouldn't be a me story if i didn't mention her somehow fgfdgh) for reading this for me before posting!! since this is the first chapter, things might feel a little slow, but dw, it will all pick up soon! enjoy <33 and do let me know your thoughts after reading <3

“That is not going to fit!”

He scoffs, already annoyed. “Yes, it is! Just move over a little.”

“A little? I’m already stretched the fuck out! What more do you want from me?”

“Seohyun, I swear to fucking God – “

She yelps, most likely cramping. “Just pull it out, you dumbass – “

“What the hell is going on in here?”

You and Chan stop dead in your tracks, confused at the scene currently playing out in front of your very eyes. You were gone downstairs for less than ten minutes to get the rest of your stuff, with you and Chan carrying a box each that held the essentials to ensure this move went smoothly. And in that time frame, your two other best friends have already managed to be at each other’s throats.

The front door of your apartment was wide open, with dumb and dumber currently looking like two deers caught in headlights on opposite sides, separated by an old armchair whose springs had become a death trap over the years. Last year, when you held parties here, someone was always left standing — it was either the cursed chair or the floor, with most guests picking the latter once they were drunk enough.

“Uh, hi?” Jisung greets, forcing a smile onto boyish features that haven’t changed much since you met almost seven years ago, in high school.

Bewiled, you set the box down by Chan’s feet and approach. “Are you guys, okay? What happened?”

Whistling, Jisung tries to pretend he has everything under control. He doesn’t, he never does, that’s just the type of guy he was. “Duh, we’re fantastic! Everything is under control, don’t even – “

Called it.

“For the love of god, just shut up and let them help us already!” Seohyun barks from the other side, prompting you to peek in to see her straighten her posture, rubbing her wrists in obvious discomfort. With a sigh and a glare from Jisung who steps back to allow Chan to take his place, she explains. “We were trying to get this chair out to make room for the new one.”

Chuckling, Chan inspects the door frame while you pass Seohyun one of the boxes right over the ugly, red chair that’s seen better days. “And it got stuck?”

“Yes, because Jisung didn’t want to listen – “

“Or maybe because you started pushing when I wasn’t ready, like an idiot.” He counters instantly, never one to back out from a fight instigated by Seohyun. Not to be fooled, these two were as close as can be, the bickering reflective of their special bond.

You and Chan share a look as they start again, amusement clear in gentle, doe eyes that have comforted you numerous times over the years. Meeting back in the summer before high school, you and Chan have been attached at the hip ever since, clicking as pre-teens and growing up together, maturing down the same path that’s led you to the same university, and even the same major you also shared with Jisung. Music production has always been a passion of yours, so getting to fulfil that dream with your absolute best friend by your side was a blessing you couldn’t be more thankful for.

“Alright.” Chan stops their bickering, one hand landing on Jisung’s shoulder to get his attention. “Stand on it.”

“Pardon?” Jisung blinks at him, as confused as you and Seohyun were, not sure he heard Chan right.

Smiling, Chan squeezes his shoulder. “So, you can step on the backrest and make it fall over. It will be easier to move afterwards.”

“You think so?” He asks, biting down on his bottom lip, not confident in the slightest.

Your best friend nods, giving his bottom an encouraging pat. “Positively. Now go on, I don’t want to spend my whole day in this hallway.”

Seohyun scrambles back, unwilling to get caught in between Jisung and the chair, giving him enough room to do what he must to free her exit.

Watching the whole scene unfold has you smiling from ear to ear, struggling to keep your laughter at bay once Jisung realizes the task isn’t as dangerous as he expected. It’s anticlimactic, more than anything, as he gets on top of the chair to step on the backrest, going down slowly without even losing his balance.

He blinks, barely realizing it’s over before making eye contact with Seohyun who bursts out laughing like she’s been holding it in since the beginning. The three of you join in quickly after, your delight bouncing off the hallway walls and lifting the spirits tremendously.

After all, nobody in existence was ever excited for summer to end and classes to start again, with a new, even more demanding schedule than last year. You were in your third year now and things were bound to get difficult the closer you got to graduating.

This silly moment was exactly what you needed to start the new year right, sure it would become a core memory later down the line when you’d all be working adults, with even more responsibilities and nonexistent free time. The sight of Chan dragging the armchair out, without any difficulty whatsoever as Jisung and Seohyun’s jaws hit the floor, incredulous he didn’t struggle like they did, was sure to bring a smile to your face for years to come.

When your only access to the apartment was finally free, the four of you gathered inside with the remaining boxes.

“You weren’t kidding, you do have all of your stuff here.” Seohyun hums, scanning her surroundings, and her new home. The apartment was yours. You moved in just last year and you’ve lived by yourself until now, when you welcomed her with open arms and a little too much excitement.

“Yeah.” You nod, already moving around to put the scattered things back in their rightful places. “Sorry about the mess. I didn’t bother cleaning up before leaving.”

The living room was fine – your bedroom was the one that suffered the most, already dreading the thought of having to dig through all the mess to find most of your things.

The apartment was a gift from your parents, after successfully finishing your first year of university living in a dorm. Sure, having your own space was great, but you’d never trade that first year for anything in the world. That’s where you meet Seohyun after all, growing closer and closer with every sleepless night you spent together giggling and talking about everything under the sun, not feeling the hours tick by until one of your alarms would ring, signalling the start of a new day.

It was big, too spacious for only one person to live in, with two bedrooms and a bathroom straight out of an interior design magazine. Even though Seohyun didn’t move in until now, you were never truly alone with Jisung and Chris living right next door. Someone was always keeping you company, which you were thankful for, in more ways than one.

Already moving about like they owned the place, Chris and Jisung were helping you tidy up, with the latter moving to check for anything rotten in the kitchen. With four pairs of hands on deck, it didn’t take more than fifteen minutes for everything to be back to normal, leaving you to take care of the dusting.

“Alright.” Chan stands, carrying two trash bags. “Ji, let’s go get the armchair.”

Jisung follows before Seohyun calls after them. “Right, is it in your car?”

“I thought it was in yours?” He turns around, stopping in the doorway while Chan is already busy calling the elevator, further away.

You see her brows furrow, setting the duster down before grabbing her car keys. “Nope.”

The ding of the elevator gets your attention, and they share a look before hurrying after Chan, in search of said armchair, the door closing behind them with a quiet thud. You lived high up, on the 10th floor – nobody was ever willing to take the stairs and waste that much time.

And so, in the blink of an eye, you are left alone in the apartment that held so many of your memories, beautiful moments you wouldn’t trade even in exchange for forgetting the sad ones.

You feel a little lost, staring around like you couldn’t recognize your own home, shoulders slumping with a deep sigh. Your gaze moves towards your closed bedroom door, feet following before your hand twists the doorknob and you’re engulfed in sunlight, blinking rapidly to adjust to the change in lighting.

Inside, the sight that greets you seems frozen in time, transporting you back in June to the last moments spent in this room, where you were running around to pack in a hurry. You don’t dare move, just taking it all in as memories flood your mind and make your heart ache in your chest, what still remains of it, anyway.

All of your stuff thrown around haphazardly painted a picture you didn’t enjoy, yet couldn’t look away from either. Your bed remained unmade, with piles of clothing, bags and random objects occupying all the space. Framed photographs were thrown everywhere around the room, just so they would stop glaring at you from their place on your nightstand, face down and most likely damaged by the broken glass. The vase on your dresser, which used to stand tall with beautiful, healthy flowers seemed to have lost its color, struggling to fulfil its purpose because of the dried, mouldy peonies you didn’t bother throwing out before leaving.

But what’s even worse than the mess is what tipped you over the edge back then, falling to your knees on the fluffy, white carpet as you sobbed uncontrollably – the things he left behind were still here, in the exact same spots, in pristine condition. Your room looked like it barely survived the hurricane that shared your name, yet his red cap was still resting quietly next to the flowers he got you. One of his sketchbooks, still opened on that drawing he never got to finish as he got too busy with school, was on the other nightstand, on his side of the bed. A pair of his dancing shoes were by the door, right next to your comfy slippers. They have been there for so long, that you couldn’t enter your room without tripping over them and be reminded of his presence every single time. Hell, you bet if you checked right now, his toothbrush will still be next to yours in the cute holder you bought together, his razor not far away.

There were traces of him everywhere you looked in this apartment, clothes and necessities he left behind on his many visits. Like his football jersey, lucky number 20, you’ve worn more times than him, hung in your open closet among empty hangers that barely held on.

It wasn’t fair, how you seemed to crumble along with everything around you while he, and his stupid things, remained intact. The world shattered beneath your feet, freefalling to your doom of self-doubts and regrets while he continued with his life like nothing even happened. Like you never happened; like you weren’t such a fundamental part in his life in the exact same way he was in yours.

Your ex boyfriend moved on in the blink of an eye, while you were still here, crying at the sight of a stupid toothbrush.

This will never be fair. Why did you always seem to draw the short end of the stick?

New beginnings were usually your favorite. Starting another book, turning a new leaf and switching up your wardrobe for a change, getting the inspiration for another song – these were all activities that brought you joy. Now, returning to campus at the end of summer vacation to begin another school year? For the first time since starting university two years ago, felt like an impossible task, one you weren’t ready for in the slightest. Because how could you ever be ready to start your junior year without him?

How could you possibly embark on a new journey without him holding your hand and guiding you through it all, navigating around every hardship with ease like he was the most experienced sailor in existence?

You had no answers, only questions. Too many that were also too loud, bouncing off of the sturdy walls of your mind that were threatening to crumble with every thud, remaining standing only thanks to the unbearable headaches that reminded you to take a break from all the overthinking.

Your mind went quiet as another voice made its presence known, bringing you back to the world outside your bedroom while shooing the dark cloud above your head out the window with ease.

“Oh my god, we lost the goddamn chair!”

A wet laugh escaped your lips, more tears rolling down your cheeks as you desperately tried to wipe them all before joining your friends in the living room. You weren’t stupid – they were worried. That’s why Seohyun was moving in, in the first place. To keep an eye on you at all times, when the other two couldn’t be there and provide the much needed support you craved so badly.

Not like they knew you were aware of their little plan, having them figured out from the moment they showed up at Chan’s doorstep in Australia, last month. They’ve been tiptoeing around you since then, not knowing what emotional state you were in or what’s changed or hasn’t in the two months you spent apart. Sure, Chris might have filled them in, but they were still afraid. Afraid they were going to mess up somehow and have you slipping through their fingers and shatter at any moment, like you were nothing more than a fragile package, all progress lost the second something that reminded you of him jumped into your path.

And, you hate to admit but they were right.

They failed to take into consideration that even though your ex never actually moved in, the apartment was his as much as it was yours, quickly becoming your shared home as you fell into a routine that involved the other at every step.

Your three close friends were the only people present, but all you could see was him, a ghost roaming around and haunting every corner of the house you now despised, his giggles caressing your ears gently every time you moved from one room to the other.

Just being here felt like torture. How were you supposed to spend another two years sleeping in the same bed you shared with the person you thought was going to be your forever?

“Sweetheart.” Chan’s gentle voice coaxes you out of the room as you manage to pull yourself together, no sign of crying or distress still present on your features. If anything, they looked worse than you, crestfallen and a little embarrassed.

“We have something to tell you.” Seohyun steps closer, gently taking your hands into hers and intertwining your fingers loosely.

Jisung nods and is by your side in a second, throwing an arm around your shoulders as he lowers his mouth to your ear. “Chris lost your new armchair.”

“What the fuck?!”

Your laughter joins theirs, a beat later, as Chris remains the only one standing there, arms crossed over his chest with his words falingl on deaf ears, nobody paying attention as he begins defending himself.

When you’re pulled into a warm embrace, with Jisung’s cologne enveloping all your senses, you can’t help but start wondering. Is this a good time to finally reveal you never actually ordered a new chair or…?

︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

Saturday slipped away into a moment in time, and before you knew it, Sunday was upon you. Your last chance at relaxing before the craziness began, and you’d be thrust into a series of new projects, classes and assignments that were already giving you a headache.

Despite spending the previous night celebrating a new beginning with your best friends, having an intimate pizza party with karaoke and a little too much alcohol, you wake up bright and early to get to a previously made appointment. Usually, you wouldn’t go anywhere for the summer, for the first two months anyway. But since you flew out of the country as soon as your exams were over, you didn’t get to help the animal shelter you have been volunteering at since your first year. It left a hole in your heart, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel guilty for disappearing into thin air, with nothing more than a text sent to the owner to let her know you’ll be going away for a while.

Hopefully, they’re willing to forgive and forget and let you make up for it by spending the next two months as involved as possible.

“Good morning, sweetheart.” Comes Chan’s groggy voice, still husky from all the singing he did last night, stumbling out of your spare bedroom with barely open eyes.

You startle, losing your balance while putting on your other shoe and crashing into the wall by the front door. You were hoping to make a swift escape and return before any of them rose since nobody in their right mind would willingly wake up this early.

He appears from around the corner, tank top slightly raised as he’s trying to scratch at his back. “You good?”

“Yep, everything’s just peachy.” Regaining your footing, you manage to put your shoe on and turn your back to him to get a jacket, feeling too awkward to make eye contact right now, which Chan would have laughed about if he wasn’t so sleepy.

“Where are you going?” He yawns, turning to squint at the clock on the far wall, above the couch. “It’s literally 7 am, too early to even be alive right now.”

For some reason, you hesitate to tell him, too out of it for your, and most definitely his liking. Being here was certainly not doing you any good, the walls closing in every time you tried to breathe and lift all the broken pieces of your stupid heart off of your lungs. It felt suffocating, especially when you were left alone with your thoughts as you zoned out one too many times.

Still, you mumble under your breath, reaching for your keys as silently as possible.

“Huh?”

With a sigh, you finally face him, eyes downcast. “Furry Friends Rescue.”

The smile that stretches across his features as he processes your words is so wide and contagious, it brightens up the whole room like he was somehow related to the sun itself, light radiating off of him in waves. It wakes him up instantly, and before you know it, he slips into a pair of slides left by the door and flies to his apartment.

You look after him, confused, and step into the hallway at the same time he does.

“Alright, let’s go!” He beams, locking his door before reaching for your arm softly. “I’ll drive you!”

“Wait, are you sure? I can – “

“Yes, I’m sure!” He frowns, shaking his head and pulling you after him with his newfound energy. “You love it there, and I know you already miss Berry. The least I can do is offer you a ride, are you kidding?”

You can’t help but smile at the mention of his puppy, spirits lifted in an instant. She was such a special little lady and you really bonded in these three months you’ve spent at his parents’ house.

Your parents never allowed you to have a pet, with your mom being allergic, so you did what you could to fill the space that remained constantly empty in your heart.

The drive there is full of laughter and even more singing, with Chris bringing back one of the activities you loved doing since he first got his license back in high school. Carpool karaoke has always been a must in his car, and that’s why you rode with Seohyun on your way back from the airport yesterday. You were a fool because nothing was quite as therapeutic as being silly and singing Disney songs at the top of your lungs with the only person who’s watched you grow into the adult you are today.

The drive to your destination isn’t long, but you still manage to squeeze in five songs before you get off and Chris speeds off. Only after wishing you a good day and making you promise you’ll call once you’re done so he can come pick you up, too. He was too kind, willing to do too much for you sometimes, but you were just the same. You’re afraid you might try moving the moon if he asked, one day.

Your annoying, overprotective brother who wasn’t really your brother, who’d push you into the pool before jumping in to save you in the same breath. He was such a guy.

Approaching with a prep to your step, the shelter’s surroundings have changed drastically since your last visit. The trees in the back have dyed their leaves in warm shades of orange and yellow, scattering some on the ground in hopes of attracting more pet lovers. A beautiful background always pulled people in, just like all pretty things did, and this autumn is particularly beautiful, with sights straight out of famous paintings. Seoul was truly a special city, one that’s nurtured and taught you the meaning of the word love that’s being thrown around too casually for your taste, these days. The city you grew up in, where you found your love for writing and composing, and where you met the most amazing people on this planet.

No other city could compare to your birthplace, no matter how pretty or modern it was.

Just as you make to try the door, with your apology speech all ready to go, it suddenly opens and forces you to take a few steps back in surprise.

“I’m sorry, we aren’t open yet.” The apology comes from a tall man, whose delicate features would have fooled you into believing he wasn’t older than a high schooler. Yet his physique begs to differ, you could tell even from beneath all the layers. He’s wearing the shelter’s apron with the logo you’ve had Jisung design a few years back. A new employee, perhaps? You don’t recognize him, so that’s most likely the case.

Your gaze travels upwards until it meets his brown eyes that fidget at the sudden contact. “Sorry, I’m here to see Mrs. Jeon?”

The stranger shakes his head, bleached blond hair hiding an undercut following his every move. “Mrs. Jeon is out of the country.”

You wait for him to continue, provide more details but when he doesn’t and only raises a brow that almost asks ‘what are you still doing here?’ you sigh and turn to leave. “Right. Will you please tell her Y/n has stopped by?”

“Wait, Y/n L/n?”

You turn right on your heel, both of your eyebrows raised as if to challenge his. “Do I know you?”

He brings his hands up, showing he means no harm as a smile finds his rosy lips, one you don’t truly grasp the meaning of. “No! But I know you.”

Alright, now you’re properly creeped out. Noticing the look on your face, the man quickly corrects himself, letting out an awkward laugh as he rubs the back of his head. “I’m sorry, I’m not good with strangers. Mrs. Jeon does! I was recruited in your place when you didn’t come back in June.”

Oh, so he was your replacement. Great. You had no idea you’d entered a race to see how fast people and places you frequented could replace you during the summer. Very motivating and uplifting. You should have stayed home.

“Oh.” Despite all the thoughts overlapping each other in your head, you only manage to sigh, properly exhausted.

His eyes widen slightly, and without thinking, he grasps your elbow when you turn around to leave for good. “Please do come in! Mrs. Jeon has been waiting to hear from you. She left a note.”

“A note?” When he nods, you shake off his hand and accept the invitation, stepping inside filled with curiosity.

All of the furry friends were in the back, in a separate space away from the reception. The place was modern, decorated in warm, pastel colors that seemed to welcome you with a fuzzy hug, the surroundings pristine. Furry Friends Rescue was built from the ground up by Mrs Jeon’s late husband, who passed away a few years back, right after you started volunteering here. To honor his life, she kept this place running, making it her mission to find loving homes for all the animals that were brought in, investing most of her resources into modernizing the place and treating the animals like they deserved to be treated.

The shelter housed a veterinary office and a pet salon, run by other volunteers who were experts in their fields, students alike and even working people who would come by to offer a helping hand whenever they could. Mr Jeon was a vet – he used to treat all of the animals before he fell sick and became unable to work.

Making his way around the reception desk, which truly resembled the entrance of a corporation, even with all the pet pictures plastered on all the walls, and the dog pattern on the couch, the man picks up a note that was next to the bone-shaped phone.

“Here.”

Your fingers brush his as you take the small paper from him, but you don’t pay any attention to the slight color that appears on his cheeks.

Dear Y/n,

I hope your precious heart managed to heal during your trip

What fitting words for someone who had no idea why you left in the first place. Guess Mrs. Jeon knew you better than you thought, after all.

If you’re reading this, it means I have not yet returned from visiting my grandbabies. It also means Jaemin is the one looking after the place

Please work together until I’m back. He’s a nice kid and I believe you’ll get along well

That is if you’re still willing to return. Always put yourself first. If quitting is what you think is best, just know I’ll never hold it against you

With love, grandma J

P.S. there’s a surprise on the other side 😊

Curious, you flip over the page, eyes scanning the familiar handwriting to decipher what has she left you. A giggle escapes you soon after, shaking your head with fondness spilling from your eyes at her antics. You’re glad that after everything she’s been through, Mrs. Jeon has never changed.

“Is something funny?” The guy you’ve come to learn is named Jaemin asks from the other side of the desk, head tilted slightly in wonder making him resemble an actual puppy.

You dismiss him with a wave of your wrist, pocketing the note. Mrs. J’s brownie recipe you could never get enough of wouldn’t interest him anyway.

“So, you’re Jaemin?” You finally ask, giving him a once-over. He was tall, wearing a denim-on-denim outfit and smiled a little too brightly for your liking. Still, he did look like a nice guy, so you might as well give him a chance, even if meeting someone knew was the last thing you wanted to do.

As expected, he beams, thrusting a hand forward over the desk. “That’s me! Nice to meet you, Y/n. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

You give him a small but genuine smile and shake his hand. “I’m a third year at SNU so I usually volunteer here during summer vacation. I hope we get along.”

He nods, listening to your every word. “Yeah, Mrs. Jeon mentioned we go to the same university. I’m a second year majoring in dance! I’m also a part of the football team so I apologize in advance if I ever end up leaving you here all alone when the season starts.”

Oh, what were the odds?

Your smile drops despite your effort in not reacting, retracting your hand a little too quickly while nodding and trying to act as normal as possible. “Cool.”

Turning around, you begin walking in the opposite direction to escape from this awkward situation Mrs. J has unknowingly put you in.

“Shall we go see the animals?”

He’s on your tail soon after, grabbing another apron on the way for you with that ever present sunny smile of his. Jaemin reminded you of a hyperactive puppy, a golden retriever who would do anything to make you happy, pulling silly stunts and stumbling over his own feet.

Turns out, his bright personality isn’t the only reason Mrs. J has hired Jaemin. You spend the next four hours together, taking care of the animals and talking, to your surprise. They all seemed to love him already, causing a ruckus at the mere sight of him, excited to be let out and greet you both properly.  The puppies especially as they’d run back and forth from you to him without stopping for a while, barely managing to bottle feed them in their excitement. Jaemin was nice, and easy to talk to, happy to get to know you but also talk your ear off when sensing you might need a laugh, managing to make everything funny. A great pick me up, you ended up agreeing with Mrs J’s statement – he was a good guy, the best that could have replaced you and helped her and all the staff in your absence.

For some reason, he felt comfortable opening up to you, and in turn, you told him some things about yourself too.

“What made you want to volunteer here?” He suddenly asks while cradling a noisy kitten, the sight comical.

You barely think before answering, gaze still trained on the bichon that has fallen asleep in your lap while you were brushing her. “I wasn’t allowed to have pets growing up, and I’ve always loved them. I was lucky my best friend had the most adorable puppy in the world right next door, but it wasn’t the same as owning one, you know?”

Jaemin nods, finally calming the kitten, eyes on you. “Oh, that sucks. I couldn’t imagine life without my two babies at home.”

You look up, curious. “You have dogs?”

“Two cats.” He throws a peace sign, chuckling when you smile. “I’m from Busan, so I only get to see them on holidays. I thought coming here and helping out four days a week might help me miss them less.”

“And? Does it help?” You point to the kitten that has fallen asleep in his arms, head crocked to the side weirdly. Looking down, he laughs and sets her in his lap, using his knuckles to gently pet between her ears, one of his hands as big as her whole body.

“It does, actually.” He smiles absentmindedly, most likely reminiscing about his fur babies. “But only momentarily. When I’m back in my dorm room, I still feel their absence.”

“I’m sorry.” Is all you say, a deep pang of sadness hitting you out of nowhere. You guess this is how Chris and Jisung feel as well, both away from their respective dogs they’ve more or less grown up with.

Jaemin shakes his head, still smiling and not as sad as you’d thought he’d be. “None of that. I facetime my mom every night just to see them.”

“That’s cute.” A smile finds its way on your face as you imagine him using the same baby voice he uses with the animals here on the phone with his mom, cooing at his cats.

“You’re cute.”

An uncharacteristic silence falls upon you as Jaemin searches for your gaze, dying to understand your reaction. It wasn’t uncomfortable, just weird, making you feel like you were doing something wrong. Which made no sense. Jisung and Chan called you cute all the time; not out of nowhere, but when the moment was right. Heck, Seohyun would write entire pages praising your beauty whenever you posted on Instagram – you knew you were cute. But this was different, this was someone that meant it romantically, you could tell. He was flirting with you, shooting his shot and seeing where it landed.

That wasn’t something you could reciprocate, especially not now.

When he notices the look in your eyes, the storm brewing behind them, he adds. “I was talking about Belle over there.”

You look down at Belle, the fluffy bichon in your lap, who is currently sleeping soundly on her back, tummy up and randomly kicking her feet once in a while, dreamland surely rowdy.

“Shut up.” You laugh a moment later, appreciating how fast he took the hint and backed off, leaning over to softly push him on the doggy mats, to which he pretends to fall just for your amusement.

With that out of the way, things return to normal quickly and before you know it, the other volunteers arrive and you’re biding Jaemin goodbye and going on your merry way, back to your apartment.

It’s afternoon now, hopefully your friends are awake by now.

︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

They were in fact, not awake. Jisung just moved himself from the spare bedroom he shared with Chris for the night to the living room couch to sleep some more, without having to deal with the other’s snoring. Seohyun was buried in your blanket, hiding from the world, in the same position she was in when you left that morning.

Like it or not, it seems their bodies were incapable of pulling all-nighters after doing it for so many years without suffering the day after. Hopefully, you all manage to fix your sleep schedules before your classes start properly, not wanting to miss too many and be left behind, confused out of your minds and barely figuring it out by the time exam season rolls around.

︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

“I’m sleepy.” Seohyun complains, reaching up to rub her eyes before remembering the pretty eyeliner currently gracing her eyelids and stopping at the last second, groaning.

You giggle, full of energy from the coffee Chris made sure got into your system before your first class, swirling the ice in your cup absentmindedly, mind somewhere else.

Busy on his phone, he doesn’t even look up as he responds. “You barely made it to class this morning and you’re still complaining?”

Monday, 10:15 am. Your first class of the day officially ended fifteen minutes ago and as you’ve been doing for two years now, your friend group meet up at your favorite location, the diner closest to campus that has become some sort of sanctuary by now.

Seohyun was majoring in communication so she did not share your classes yet somehow, the four of you have started the new school year in the same way – with a boring, way too long 8 am lecture that almost erased your will to live.

She shoots him a dirty look he doesn’t notice, but otherwise doesn’t respond, too tired to bother with Chris and his top student agenda. Because being popular, good at sports and everyone’s friend wasn’t enough for him; your best friend was the academic weapon every freshman aspired to be, without trying too hard either. Hands down the most gifted and smartest person you know.

“You did go to bed super late last night.” You reach for her hand across the table, gently massaging her palm in hopes she’ll feel a bit better.

Just then, Jisung returns with your drinks, handing them out one by one like he was a barista himself. When he’s done and you all thank him, he takes his seat across from you and Chris, next to Seohyun. “What did I miss?”

“Seohyun was complaining.” Chris responds instantly, fingers typing away. What could be more interesting than spending time with your closest friends?

“Oh, so nothing new.”

At the same time, you softly smack the back of Chris’ head while she smacks Jisung, with a little more force, only the latter reacting loudly.

“Stop being mean.” You reprimand, and Chris puts his phone down with a sigh, leaning back in his chair to stretch his arms above his head.

“For your information, being late was not my fault.” Seohyun chimes in, finally in the mood to explain herself after taking several sips of her coffee. “This random guy ran straight into me, I was tackled to the ground!”

Concern flashes over your features. “Are you okay?”

She nods. “Yeah, don’t worry. He helped me up and gathered all of my books while apologizing. Then I met up with Ji and he carried my bag to class.”

Both you and Chris shoot Jisung a curious look, not convinced he went through all of that trouble out of the kindness of his own heart.

“In my defense,” Jisung shrugs, his arm thrown over the booth behind Seohyun’s head, “I really did not want to come to class.”

Chris chuckles and sips from his strawberry milkshake while you shake your head, smiling and pinching the back of Jisung’s hand that was resting on the table, to which he retaliates by throwing the straw paper in your face.

“To be honest, I wasn’t paying attention either so he’s not entirely to blame here.” She continues like neither of you has said anything, resting her head in her palm with a dreamy look in her eyes. “Besides, he was fucking gorgeous. I swear I’ve never seen such a beautiful man before. And his freckles? Literal constellations right on his cheeks, oh my god.”

“Okay, Juliet, pipe down.” Jisung flicks her forehead and she swats his hand away, glaring.

Amused, you lean closer with interest. “Did you get his name?”

She shakes her head. “No” Then, her gaze moves to Chris. “That’s why, I need you to find him for me.”

Raising a brow, he reaches for your drink to have a taste before responding. “What am I, the local newspaper? You’re the one who bumped into him.”

“Yes, but you literally know everyone on campus.”

He makes a face, deeming your drink too bitter for his taste. “So do you.”

That was true. Seohyun was the definition of a social butterfly, mingling with all cliques and being liked by everyone she came into contact with. However, she was also very perceptive so if someone’s vibe seemed off, she could come across as cold and aloof, not giving them the time of day.

“Please?” She continues, resorting to the infamous puppy eyes. “This guy might be the love of my life, Chris, please help me.”

“What about Mark?” Jisung buts in, giving her a questioning look. Immediately, you and Chris signal for him to cut it out, abort the ship and never utter that name for as long as he draws breath.

Seohyun’s gaze drops to her cup, manicured finger moving back and forth on the edge, pretending she didn’t hear any of the words that have left Jisung’s mouth. To his credit, Jisung looks a little guilty, arm sliding over her shoulder and squeezing briefly in a silent apology, hoping it will be enough to fix things.

The probability of this mystery guy being the love of her life was low, but Chris seemed to feel bad enough to give in, exhaling deeply. Seohyun’s track record wasn’t great – for some reason, she always fell for emotionally unavailable guys, with her latest situationship ending not too long ago once she realized Mark did not want anything serious.

She didn’t deserve all that. Seohyun was the sweetest, kindest person you knew, with a heart of gold. If anyone deserved to find true love and grow old with rosy cheeks, still feeling butterflies at the mention of her beloved’s name no matter how many years passed, it was her. And you’d be damned if you didn’t try to make that happen.

“Let’s find this pretty boy of yours.” You smile as Chris nods, enjoying the way her face gradually lights up.

“Really?”

“I’d feel like I kicked a puppy while it was down if I didn’t, so what the hell. We’ve done crazier things anyways.” Chris adds and she squeals, getting out of the booth to come over and hug him, suddenly excited.

“Oh!” She rushes back to her seat, instantly rummaging through her bag. “This is his. I think it got mixed up with my books when I dropped them. He was in a hurry.”

The three of you huddle together as she places a small notebook on the table, curious about its contents that might reveal the identity of Seohyun’s prospective new…something. Let’s hope boyfriend, and nobody that treats her less than that.

Chris is the one who dares open it, flipping through the pages in wonder.

“These are…recipes?” He blinks, drawing a blank as the measurements for the perfect ‘gooey brownies’ stare him right in the face.

None of you says anything for a moment, the gears in your head turning and working simultaneously before Jisung breaks the silence with an unexpected outburst.

“Oh my god, he’s a fucking loser!”

Safe to say, he got smacked a couple more times before your next class of the day. Lovingly, of course.

︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

With everyone promising to ask around for Seohyun’s prince charming, you go on with your day until your last class, when you established to meet again for a little get together with all of your other friends.

The sun was starting to set, casting a warm, golden hue that extended throughout the whole campus, creating mesmerizing surroundings you could barely look away from. Thankfully by now, you’re outside, enjoying the warm breeze and nice weather that might not return any time soon as the days will only continue to get shorter and shorter as time passes.

You’re currently near the football field, cutting through near the bleachers to get to the other side where Chris and his swimming team are currently meeting. Seohyun is skipping a few feet in front of you, obviously in good spirits.

“Didn’t know Chris needed a chaperone.” She teases, turning to you with a smile as she starts walking backwards.

You chuckle. “Well, he is our ride.”

“We could have walked.” She stretches her arms as if to prove a point. “It’s such a beautiful day! It’s a shame we have to miss out on the rest of it, too.”

You were on your way to a bar, a new one that opened all the way in Hongdae. The owner has invited 3racha, Chris and Jisung’s music group personally, so it would be rude to not show up, even if you did share her sentiment. If it were up to you, you’d be in bed, snuggling already, but your friends have made it a point to keep you out of the house as much as possible.

“Just say thank you, Seohyun.”

“Thank you, Seohyun, for being the hottest girl around!”

You both laugh, enjoying each other’s company before she turns back around and resumes her skipping, long, bleached hair flowing freely behind her in the prettiest way. As you reach for your phone to record her for memories, a speck of red gets your attention in an instant.

You keep walking but your eyes are glued to the field now, to the eight or so guys dressed in the white and red uniform of your university’s American football team. Your heart rate picks up in an instant, scanning their jersey numbers in a hurry.

Relief floods your system when you don’t find what you’re looking for, slowing down. These guys looked young, most likely freshmen trying out for a spot in the most famous football team your university has had in years. You didn’t know how that worked, your memory failed you as you tried to remember when tryouts took place. It seemed a little too early for all that though, too soon to be looking for new people when the season kicked off somewhere in October, a good month and a half away. You couldn’t help but wonder why the hurry.

“Y/n! Watch out!”

Seohyun’s screaming startles you out of your thoughts, your eyes coming into focus to see a football flying right in your direction, quickly approaching your head. Before you know it, you’re ducking and running, feeling bad for snoozing and interfering with practice. Of course, this had to happen, you were cursed after all. You could never be near a sports field without something hitting you, no matter how small or insignificant the object, it always had to make contact with your face.

However, you don’t make it very far before you come to an abrupt stop as you collide with something or better said, someone, the impact causing you to stumble a few steps back until rough, gloved hands stabilize you by the shoulders.

When you regain your footing and finally look up at your saviour, your heart actually stops.

Because the one looking back, right through you is none other than Hyunjin. Your Hyunjin.

Or actually, he wasn’t yours anymore, now, was he?

Hyunjin who’s written his name across your heart in golden letters, that suddenly lit up at the mere sight of him. Your ex-boyfriend looked almost unrecognizable, his short black hair replaced by long, bleached locks that were pushed back, away from his face in a little ponytail.

You were a fool to think he wouldn’t be here. He was the captain after all and the coach was nowhere in sight.

The air wasn’t entering your lungs anymore, yet somehow you were still breathing, being kept afloat by his familiar hands on your skin, so overly conscious of his touch that you barely registered the shiver running down your spine.

After three months apart with no communication, Hyunjin was finally looking at you, forced to acknowledge your presence. It felt a little surreal, bumping into him so soon. Sure, you were expecting it, but not on your very first day back to campus, not when you still haven’t processed the fact that you weren’t together anymore. Everything in you longed for him and all his endearing quirks, even after all this time; even after he broke your heart.

You don’t dare look away, and neither does he, enthralled by those beautiful eyes of his that used to watch your every move with so much love and care. Now, you don’t see any of these emotions, but there is an intensity to his gaze that you can’t quite put your finger on. Time always seemed to come to a stop when you were with him and right now it was no different. All of your surroundings faded, leaving him the sole object of your attention.

There was a new piercing adorning his face, right under his bleached eyebrow. It looked good, like everything he deemed worthy enough to leave a mark on his body. But that wasn’t what got your heart beating again, pounding against your ribcage at an alarming pace he was sure to hear even from afar.

Without looking away, his hands slide down your arms slowly, and for a brief moment, you think they’re going to find solace in yours, just like they’ve done for all these years. By the surprise flickering in his eyes, you believe he thought of the same thing, catching himself at the last second and taking a step back, arms falling to his side heavily.

“Yo, what the fuck was that?” A new voice has you both snapping out of it, finally allowing you to look away and escape the staring war neither had the resources to win. It’s familiar, and as someone stops right by your side, seemingly out of nowhere, there’s no doubt in your mind about his identity.

“Y/n, are you okay?

You blink, and the magic from before finally dissipates completely, almost like the spell Hyunjin has got you under broke the moment he made himself busy by reaching for his helmet on the ground. When you manage to tear your eyes from him, Yeonjun, one of his friends and teammates, comes into view and places a hand on your shoulder in concern. The ball that almost collided with your head is under his other arm, and you notice that he’s not wearing his gloves as he should be.

Eventually, you nod, looking straight into his eyes while mustering your most convincing smile. “Yeah, don’t worry. Nothing even happened.”

“It almost did.” He states, glaring towards the group of men who seemed glued on the spot. “If it weren’t for Hyunjin, things might have ended badly.”

You look away, not knowing how to act around them anymore. Hyunjin doesn’t respond either, just moves out of the way as Seohyun sprints to your rescue, pulling your body into the tightest hug and putting some distance between you and the two men.

“Are you okay? You’re not hurt anywhere, right?” She’s instantly checking you all over, dusting invisible dirt off your clothes before patting your head lovingly, just like a mother would do to comfort her sobbing child. Truthfully speaking, you weren’t far from turning into one, but the mortification of bursting into tears in front of all these people kept your emotions in check. You reckon a football to the face would have hurt less than having Hyunjin treat you like a stranger he’s meeting for the first time, barely reacting to your sudden appearance.

In hindsight, him reacting differently was almost impossible. Especially in the way you’d want him to react. Hyunjin had changed right before your very eyes in the last months before your relationship ended, burying his sweet and sensitive nature so deep down that you feared it might have gotten erased permanently.

Grasping her hands, you nod to calm her racing mind. “I’m fine, mom.” Then, you turn to Yeonjun again. “Sorry for interrupting practice like that. I should have been more careful.”

You hear Hyunjin scoff from somewhere behind you, still not brave enough to show his face, while Yeonjun shakes his head vehemently. “Nonsense. You did nothing wrong. Those guys though? They did plenty.”

He squeezes your shoulder reassuringly before excusing himself to join said guys, voice loud and annoyed. “Who were you passing that to? Are you fucking blind or just stupid?”

Yeonjun had no authority over them, not like Hyunjin did anyway. But he was still a seasoned player, one that’s been with the team for two years, so his words carried significant weight. He was a year older than all of you yet only decided to give football a chance in his second year, joining the team at the same time as Hyunjin. Their roles on the team were the opposite of each other – while Hyunjin was on the offensive, Yeonjun was a defensive player in charge of keeping the other team as far away as possible. Yet, they clicked and worked so well together that the probability of SNU losing a game with both of them present was close to none.

Bonding outside the field proved just as easy and before you knew it, Yeonjun became one of Hyunjin’s treasured friends, bringing their envied teamwork to more events than necessary.

For these guys to have a chance before the coach, they first needed to impress these two. And one thing about Hyunjin was that he was very hard to impress, especially in the areas he excelled in.

Your eyes naturally gravitate towards him along with your thoughts, his magnetic field still as strong as always. To your utter surprise, he moved to stand a little further away, facing his potential new teammates.

“Who threw that?”

The sound of his voice alone is enough to overwhelm you, suddenly way too emotional to keep still, to manage to keep your cool and act as nonchalant as he was. You haven’t heard that voice in so long, you’re sure you’d have collapsed if he as much as uttered your name.

Your name on his tongue has always been your favorite sound, no other word ever coming close to having that same effect.

Sheepishly, one of the guys steps forward while rubbing the back of their necks, visibly taken aback by the coldness in Hyunjin’s voice.

Hyunjin’s eyes narrow just as Seohyun links her arm through yours and tugs your body closer.

“Apologize.”

“Yes, captain!” He nods instantly, bowing repeatedly in Hyunjin’s direction to show exactly how sorry he feels for disappointing him. “I’m –“

“Not to me.” Hyunjin crosses his arms over wide chest, shoulder blade plates making him look even more intimidating as he stands to his full height, rolling his eyes. “To her.”

Your eyes widen as the guy looks up, searching for you with confusion visible even through his big helmet. Hesitantly, he changes targets, stopping before you and Seohyun.

“Hyunjin – “ You manage to squeak out, hating the way your voice almost gets caught in your throat, heat rushing to your face.

“Let him apologize.” His gaze travels to you leisurely, impatience clear in usual doe eyes.

But you aren’t far behind, a little annoyed by his insistence, managing to pull yourself together to counter. “I don’t think that’s necessary.”

“And last I checked, I didn’t ask for your opinion.” As quick-witted as always, Hyunjin isn’t even looking at you anymore, not bothering to react in any other way, like you weren’t even worth getting annoyed at. “He made a mistake that under normal circumstances, could have cost us the game. He needs to own up to it and apologize not only to you but to his teammates as well.”

Then, the guy seems to get smaller under his sharp gaze, instantly dropping into a deep bow and obeying Hyunjin’s words to a T. “I’m so sorry for throwing the ball in your direction!” In the next second, he’s spinning around and bowing to the other guys as Seohyun struggles to keep in her laughter at his next words. “I’m sorry for being an idiot!”

To his credit, Hyunjin hasn’t addressed him as such, always one to keep things professional. Yet, you notice the slight twitch of his mouth, obviously pleased and amused as Yeonjun bursts out laughing.

The guys bow in return, and suddenly they’re all shouting apologies at each other, owning up to all of the little mistakes they’ve made up until now that might’ve inconvenienced the other in some way, feeling bad for possibly giving anyone a hard time.

Not being able to hold it in anymore, your best friend almost collapses from laughter, needing to walk it off to calm down, only to start again as she locks eyes with Yeonjun a little farther away.

You’re so taken aback that you don’t even know how to react, watching the scene before you as flabbergasted as one could get. It was wholesome to see these kids already acting like a team but a part of you couldn’t help but feel bad once it remembered none might actually get to play and represent their university on the field. Hyunjin was trying to instil some discipline into them, but at what cost? What was the point?

Just as you’re contemplating everything that happened, the eight guys suddenly stop and turn to bow in Hyunjin’s direction as well, apologizing at the same time like it’s an activity they’ve rehearsed beforehand. It gets quiet as they wait for an answer, not even daring to raise their heads and see Hyunjin’s reaction, just patiently waiting for the go ahead so they can go back to practice.

Since when was Hyunjin running this team like the fucking marines?

Despite not looking at him, when Hyunjin nods they all stand to their full heights before him, awaiting further instructions. The mood shifts, all tense and serious like they weren’t sweet and wholesome just a moment ago.

“Since none of you seem able to handle one of these yet,” he barely finishes his sentence before Yeonjun passes him the ball, catching it with ease to hold up for the others to see. It all happened so quickly and naturally, that the others most likely didn’t notice, but you did. Hyunjin isn’t using his dominant hand. “you’ll be running laps until the coach gets here. Whoever is not up for it, drop your gears – you’re out.”

You’re expecting complaints and groans in protest but instead, they all nod and succumb to their miserable fates, doing exactly what Hyunjin has instructed. A little further away, you notice Yeonjun laughing without shame, having a blast at their expense.

“Asshole.” Seohyun murmurs, rolling her eyes, and you’re unsure who she’s talking about. “Let’s go. Any more time and Chris will send his speedo wearing army out in the wild to look for us.”

You want to laugh, to agree, and turn your back on this incident and leave without a word. But you can’t, feet lodged into place like you were standing on the biggest patch of mud around.

Hyunjin’s back was already to you, form cladded in that familiar uniform you’ve felt under your fingertips for years. The 20 under his surname written in capital letters on his jersey were almost mocking you, mad for holding their twin hostage in your mess of a closet. It doesn’t matter – in a month or so, they’ll be replaced in favour of a new design that comes around every new season. Just like your presence in his life will inevitably be filled by someone else; someone better, capable of loving him at his worst.

You had so much to say, so many words eager to escape and latch onto him, to get his attention and feed from it, growing bolder and more desperate with every second spent by his side. Hyunjin always brought the best out of you – until he broke things off. Then everything just came to a stop. Like someone lifted the stylus off of a vinyl before the song got the chance to come to an end, damaging the record and your ears in the process.

You loved music but suddenly, your life was quiet.

Hyunjin has been your muse for the entirety of your relationship, all of your songs based on him and the love that managed to blossom thanks to your shared effort. The butterflies and the fireworks all faded without a trace, making your music sound bland and meaningless, off-key since the one who inspired it was no longer there.

You wanted to call out his name, get him to stop and not leave you behind again but you didn’t know how, unable to without bursting into tears and breaking down for everyone to see. Hyunjin has been a part of your life for so many years, how were you ever supposed to start acting like he never was? Erasing him and the mark he left would surely be impossible without a potion of sorts, some Eternal Sunshine mechanism that will ensure your brain will be tricked into believing he was never here, to begin with.

Seohyun is off to the side, giving you the space needed to put your thoughts in order, for your next move. This was your chance, the moment you’ve been waiting for.

But you couldn’t do it. You couldn’t run after him no matter how loudly your heart was screaming in protest.

So, you turn around and latch onto your best friend as she begins pulling you along, quick to come to your rescue as always. Struggling to keep it together, with tears welling up in your eyes, you miss the way he turns to look in your direction one more time. One last time.

You’ve always believed Hyunjin was the love of your life, the one you’d grow old holding hands with.

Now, your perspective has changed, as did the main character role he has played in your story for the past five years. No longer was he the charming male lead, the prince coming in on a white horse to swoop you off your feet in a grand gesture of romance.

Hyunjin was the loss of your life. The one that managed to get away even with the tight grip you’ve tried to keep on his heart.

Hyunjin transformed into a background character that won’t be there for the ride, and won’t get to witness the new developments happening from now on in your life.

You would have rather been the one written off the story if it meant keeping him. Unfortunately, that was not a possibility since without you, there wouldn’t be a story to begin with.

︶︶︶︶༉‧₊˚.

[hana-bobo-finch]

BUG FABLES HEADCANONS AAAAAAAAA🦅🦅🦅💥💥💥 (a LOT of Team Mothiva because if it wasn’t so painfully obvious by now I think they are very awesome)

• Leif’s always been rather inexpressive, but especially so after the whole. Dying thing. His shell was essentially frozen (so to speak) in place, so expressions are hard now if not downright painful to make

• Kabbu looks so incredibly goofy underneath his helmet. It was a common practice in the North to wear armor and such to make yourself look more Intimidating™️

• ascends from the clouds with the headcanon I can never and will never shut up about zzasp…….is trans. cue the round of applause. cue the screaming fans. People are marveling. People in the stands are pissing and shitting and passing out they’re cheering so hard. Because they know. They know that I’m right and—look alright I talk about this SO often but it’s the perfect storm of a headcanon. character I like? Character I like who is my favorite species of bug? character has the physical characteristics of a woman despite being referred to as a man? tailor made for a transmasc wasp lover

• Mothiva has been in many controversies. Zasp and his 70 alternative mothiva stan accounts on the termanet were always there to back her up

• Speaking of those two’s relationship: Zasp is the definition of “I can fix her” except he actually probably could fix her if he just was a bit more assertive with her. there’s a kind moth in there somewhere. deep down. very deep down.

• Elizant I wasn’t as perfect as everyone remembers!! She wasn’t BAD by any means but she’s definitely looked at with rose tinted glasses. She had no malicious intent but she would be rather careless with her search for the everlasting sapling (oh someone died when looking for it? that’s too bad. anyway)

• Leif was wayyy more weak after waking up in snakemouth than he’d let on. His body was pretty atrophied after being trapped in a web for so long and it took him a long time to regain his strength, even with his magic

• Zasp is either the worst singer imaginable or the best. There will never be an in between. I like both ideas, either he’s outperforming mothiva at her own shows or making a fool of himself

• a lot of our phrases carry over to bugnish that, to them, don’t really make logical sense. “like moths to a flame” “why would we run into a flame kabbu” “I. I actually don’t know, I heard someone say it one time. I don’t actually know what it means”

• Vi is SUCH a bad influence on Tod don’t let her around him. Leif tries to limit their direct interactions because how dare you promote violence to The Child.

• Even with Leif’s attempts to be a good influence, Tod is still absolutely determined to become an explorer and has taken up the not so great habit of throwing his toy ball at people as his own little weapon

• Tod also DESPERATELY wants his own beemerang. ADBP. whatever. He calls it a beemerang. Hawk promised he’d get one for him when he was older and more able to handle one, but who knows if that’s true or not?

• Leif’s family (more specifically grandpa) are aware that Leif isn’t telling the full story but they just go along with it to not cause trouble. Like yeah there’s no way in hell you’re my brother but whatever man go ahead you’re a part of the family now I won’t ask questions

• And even if they did ask questions he would NOT answer because that is a one way ticket to getting quarantined for the rest of his life. At least he thinks that’s what happens. Treatments for cordyceps have been developed while he was in snakemouth, but he doesn’t know that and just assumes the fate is the same as when he was young (aka being shunned from the rest of society forever and ever)

• Zasp was from the north near the deadlands, but escaped to the wasp kingdom pretty early on for a better life. Turns out the wasp kingdom was just as bad, he can’t catch a break

• Queen Vanessa II was not at all respected before the whole wasp king debacle. It was the opposite case of Elizant II, instead of being more aggressive than the previous queen she was much more of a pacifist, which didn’t sit well with the people considering they were in the midst of a ton of wars that she was doing a terrible job at fixing. “Our queen your people are killing the other wasps, you need to do something, this is a full on genocide” “idk what to to do, I told them to stop but they didn’t listen :( “

• Many queens of different species share the same hives. How they decided on the official queen of the greater kingdom? Confidential information, but rumors have gone around saying it was via a game of rock paper scissors. There are also rumors that all of the queens are all secretly dating each other so who knows what’s true and what’s not

• speakin of gay queens. Elizant II is, alas, a lesbian. I say alas because it’s sorta her job as Queen to get knocked up and keep the population going so she doesn’t have much choice in the matter. Not all bad though because she gets to have a Secret Love Affair with Zaryant. The sole reason I have this headcanon is that a few weeks ago I snapped awake with the thought “they might be gay-ants” in my head and if I did not plan a plot around that immediately I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep

• domestic silk moths are rare to the point of near extinction. Turns out that being a species reliant on and bred by the giants to the point of losing all survival instincts isn’t great when the giants disappear. Most of them died out even after the day of awakening due to that lingering lack of survival skills, but a few managed to survive with great difficulty

• Mothiva is one of the few domestic silk moths left, something which sounds depressing (and is) but she’s awfully good at spinning it into something enthralling. Oooh look at me look I’m one of the last of my kind, I’m a limited edition moth, come and get me while I’m still here teehee

• ^ SHE IS SERIOUSLY SO MESSED UP BECAUSE OF IT THOUGH. Since most bugs lost their flight after the day of awakening it no longer really matters that her kind can’t fly, but Oh Boy does centuries of domestication do something to you. She had a lot of trouble walking at first, and even once she managed to get that down it hurt like hell. How does she manage to twirl around on stage? with great difficulty. she would greatly benefit from Any sort of mobility aid but “nooo i can’t be seen as weak nooooo” (MOTHIVA STOOOOP PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF)

• that is also a point of contention when it comes to her and Zasp’s relationship. You’re one of the only ones of your kind left and you’re just gonna run off with some random wasp? Unsurprisingly the public is Extremely parasocial when it comes to her, especially her relationships. and Zasp is just a neat little bundle of everything that the media thinks she should Not Be Dating. You’re dating your bodyguard? Who’s not even your own species? Who’s a wasp of all things? A dangerous creature with a dagger attached to his ass that can stab you at any moment? You sure about that?

• speaking of giving bugs chronic pain! Leif is Constantly in pain because fungi are weak against ice and. well. he is a fungus with ice powers so that goes about as well as one could expect. It does more than just make him in pain all the time but I won’t go into it all here because that is what my evil ao3 account is for

• Muse was a singer alongside being an explorer. Not pop idol singer like Mothiva, just doin it for fun. Although many of her songs became incredibly bleak after the whole. husband killed by spider thing.

• to his absolute horror, Leif is somewhat reminded of himself and Muse in Zasp and Mothiva. Awkward dude infatuated with a feisty moth who kicks things? been there done that. Not that he would ever admit to thinking that because he…maybe doesn’t hate, but certainly does not like Mothiva and is always praying for their breakup (not gonna happen Leif I’m sorry 😞)

• Vi’s repressed Fr*nch accent occasionally slips out. She is mocked relentlessly by Leif every time it happens

• Kina’s adopted. She is the only one unaware of this. I have no reason for this headcanon other than that I like the thought of her being like “ugh I can’t believe my bro took in some stray from the street 😒😒😒😒” girl you Are the stray from the street

that’s all I can remember off the top of my head but there are probably many more i am sooo normal about the bugs

NOPE NOPE NOPE I JUST REMEMBERED ONE MORE. there haven’t been many instances of bees doing the fabled Bee Ball (swarming an intruder and baking them alive) because they aren’t the specific species who do it, but wasp children are often told horror stories of the Bee Ball. it’s colloquially known as Bee Fever because of the whole baking alive thing and has become a bit of a folktale. Most wasps/hornets know they aren’t at much of a risk but many have nightmares of being the victim of a Bee Ball

[sos717]

Hey, i hope you are doing well

So i have something that i don’t know if i am understanding this wrong or what but i feel like knowing the concept of this all being dream kinda depressed me because i feel like i have no purpose and nothing matters anymore the concept of my parents not being real makes me feel scared and isolated like what am i even doing here it is kinda giving me existential crisis like to be honest i joined all of this to be able to manifest the life i daydream about i kinda wish i never got to know about this i miss my life before this awareness it was much simpler and comfy now i feel like i am in the edge of the seat where i don’t know if the stuff that is talked about here is real or not as i never manifested something if though i knew about the law of assumption five years ago i seeked more knowledge to see what i am doing wrong for it to never work for me then i found these stuff i said i feel like i am living at the edge of the seat because what if these stuff is actually real and my way of thinking can doom my life if i am the solely responsible for it i don’t know i am very confused and exhausted i just wish some clarity maybe there is something i am getting wrong or something sorry for confusion

Thank you for your time

Hello!!! Thank you, I really hope you’re doing better than when you write this but let’s clear this up.

So to start off, it’s okay, nothing is literally a dream in the sense that your parents and people you know are “fake” or something. This is why it’s so important for people to explain what reality is, CORRECTLY.

What your thinking about is “Solipsism”, the idea that your own mind is the only thing you can trust to be 100% certain and it is what’s solely creates all that is ever experienced including other people, this is just so easily false because the moment you involve other people and how they can think the same thing it all just comes undone. Like what is the entire point of understanding Solipsism if it doesn’t benefit you because no one is real, no one else exists and none of it matters to begin with, etc. But even then, when you operate with this idea, you will spin any narrative to fit your world view, without considering any other factors as possible, it’s like a trap, don’t fall into this.

Do NOT confuse Solipsism with what reality is, which is what I describe, some people get pressed that I’m describing nondualism wrong or LOA or whatever the hell but I’m not. But when you operate from Solipsism it ends up making you depressed because you think your alone and all that you see is essentially a dream of your own singular mind, it’s pretty dangerous to adapt this if you start ignoring consequences and how the world actually operates, so please rest assured, your family does exist and aren’t just projections lol.

Alright moving forward, the rest is very simple, I do have 2 really detailed posts that describe what I “teach”, and to make a long story short, you are not learning or picking up a secret tool to use that only exists the moment you know about it. Manifestation is not something outlandish or magical, it’s quite literally the natural state of reality, all is manifestation. This did not turn on when you found out about LOA, and it’s not going to turn off if you decide to step back from acknowledging it (what you are).

I’m not going to go super into detail because like I said I do have a post about it already, I suggest you read those 2 first and then if you have any more questions let me know! Please take care of yourself and rest assured that the people you care for are not just figments of imagination, and you will always be, just like everyone else, a part of the same collective conscious. Talk soon! ❤️🧘🪷

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Calling all enjoyers of the OrangeJuiceVerse and teenage shenanigans!

That’s right, it’s time for another episode of Bedtime Stories With PCE, and this one is SO self indulgent like I know that’s the purpose of this series, just self indulgent orange flavored bonus content, but this one, mannnnn.

Essentially (PCE stfu about OJV Kyle’s bad knee), I was thinking about how i really didn’t let my annoying ass get into the gang as 15 year olds very much post A Fall In The Springtime. So I wanted to explore that dynamic a little more, featuring stupid fights, getting scolded by your parents, Kyle being an angry little fucker, and the way one person in a friend group getting sick means everyone’s getting the plague lmao. Set a couple days after AFITS, here’s

•Fuck It, We Ball•

Stan sighed as he approached the bus stop, Cartman and Kyle already engrossed in whatever they were arguing about now. And so it begins.

He planted himself at Kenny’s side, kicking at the slush that had refrozen with the temperature dropping again over the last few days. Damn March and its unpredictability. “Dude, how do they have the energy for this at seven in the morning?”

“Oh, you know how these two get when they’re bored,” Kenny said nonchalantly. “Probably why Ky suggested takin’ the bus today.”

That made sense. While Stan and the others had taken to making their own ways to school being sophomores, carpooling and the like for the most part, occasionally they’d all load up on the bus for nostalgia’s sake on days nobody had to stay late for extracurriculars. Kyle had been leading the charge in that the past couple weeks, bored being out of basketball and irritable while his knee healed. It honestly wasn’t surprising that he’d find excitement in the childhood routine of debating Cartman, and Cartman just liked to rile Kyle up in general, not that it was hard these days. Stan had laughed his ass off just the other day at his boyfriend’s claim that he was “drowning in ennui”. Dramatic, but warranted.

“IT WAS STUPID WHEN WE WERE NINE, AND IT’S MORE RIDICULOUS NOW!” Stan’s attention was drawn to his boyfriend’s shrill screeching. “BEING GINGER IS NOT LIKE BEING A VAMPIRE!”

Cartman was grinning in a very self satisfied way. “You burn in the sun, you’re creepy, you suck souls…”

“YOU’RE SO GODDAMN STUPID!!!”

Kyle, directly ensnared in their friend’s trap, moved to swing at him with a crutch, but overshot and was slipping forward, slamming into the ground with a loud “FUCK!”

Stan, Kenny, and even Cartman froze, eyes wide and speechless because Kyle was already hurt; slipping on the ice like that had no doubt made it worse. Kyle curled into the fetal position, clutching his bad knee and cursing up a storm. Stan ran to him in an instant.

“Dude, shit, okay, okay. Fuck, did you hit it?”

“What the HELL do you think,” Kyle hissed, writhing a little in the snow. He’d only recently been able to bend his knee semi-normally again, only with support, and here he was holding it to his chest in a way that definitely couldn’t be comfortable.

“S-Stan, I… GOD, FUCK YOU CARTMAN!!!”

That back and forth was always a good indicator of Kyle’s level of aggravation. He was extremely quick when he was upset enough. Less aggressive on his own, Stan jumped to his partner’s defense without hesitation.

“Why the shit would you work him up like that, huh?!?” Stan demanded, taking their obnoxious friend by the collar of his coat. He gave him a shake, not enough to actually hurt, but Cartman still whined like a pitiful little creature. “He can’t fight anyone yet! He can’t even stand!”

Kyle dragged himself a little down the ice. “I can buttfucking stand! Dramaticfuckass-“

He crumpled under the weight of his own body. Stan caught his neck before his head could whack the ice. “Dude!”

“I’m going to obliterate you,” Kyle warned.

Stan wanted to roll his eyes, but didn’t dare. Instead, he gently scooped Kyle into his arms, relieved when he felt wiry arms latch instinctually around his neck. He turned to the other two as he rose. “Grab his shit.”

Thankfully, Kyle’s house was the closest to the bus stop, and under the rapid pounding of his own heart, Stan could hear Kyle’s pissed off mumbling and sporadic whimpers of pain.

“I’m trying to be careful, dude,” he promised. “I know it’s still hurting.”

“Yeah, because some FAT ASSHOLE made me FALL!” Kyle seethed in Cartman’s direction.

“Ay! You’re the one who was trying to hit me, JewBot!”

Stan spun around to shoot Cartman a glare. “You started it and you know it, fuckknob. Give the backpack to Kenny and fuck off to school if you’re gonna keep causing problems.”

Cartman snorted. “I would, but Kahl’s bitch mom is going to pitch a fit and I happen to find that shit funny, obviously.”

“DON’T CALL MY MOM A BITCH!”

Ohhhh boy. It was definitely too early for all this. Kenny bounded up to the porch, using Kyle’s crutches to knock on the front door. “Guys, tone it down,” he advised before turning the knob. Nobody really locked their doors around here, and they all knew it.

“Yo, Mrs B!” Kenny announced their presence as the boys filed into the foyer.

Only Kyle’s mom would be home around this time, Stan knew. Ike usually rode to his early college high school program with their dad, since it was closer to Gerald’s firm. Sheila tended to fill her days with community meetings and clubs and volunteer work, but she usually stuck around the house until the rest of the family was safely at school and work, ruling the group chat with an iron fist. A veritable lioness when it came to her boys, that one.

Which was why her alarmed gasp upon seeing her eldest son glowering in Stan’s arms wasn’t surprising in the slightest.

“Kyle! Boys! What on earth happened?!”

“He slipped on the ice,” Stan explained, gingerly easing him down onto the couch. “Bashed his knee pretty good.”

Sheila let out a “WHAT?!?”, and Kyle groaned, clearly already done with his mother. “Ma, please don’t freak out. I just need to put it up a few hours or whatever, it’s fine.”

She planted her hands on her hips and stared each of the boys down like only a mother could. Cartman actually cowered a little, avoiding eye contact.

“And just how did you fall, huh, bubbeh?” She demanded of her son. “I thought I told you to be careful.”

Stan hated having to do damage control, but Sheila trusted him, so he was probably the best bet at the guys avoiding too much trouble. “He and Cartman were just arguing. You know how carried away they can get.”

“Don’t look at me, Mrs Broflovski,” Cartman said, putting his hands up in surrender. “Kahl tried to whack me! It’s not my fault his little bird bones gave out.”

“SHUT UP CARTMAN!”

“Kyle!” Sheila scolded. “Inside voices! And how many times do I have to tell you boys not to roughhouse when it’s slippery outside?”

All four of them mumbled varying apologies, even though he and Kenny hadn’t been involved. Kyle’s mom kept raving.

“And here I was about to head out the door! Oy, I’ll have to tell the book club ladies I won’t make it to brunch, and goodness! The PTA meeting will need to be rescheduled, and I suppose I’ll have to put out a grocery order for delivery and miss the deals I’d get going myself-“

“Ma,” Kyle interrupted, even more overwhelmed than he had been. “You don’t need to change your plans or anything. I know you have a full day.”

“You can’t just stay home alone! What if you’ve hurt your knee worse?!”

Stan could tell his boyfriend wanted to roll his eyes. “It really isn’t a big deal, okay? And I’m not alone. The guys can help me if I need anything.”

Kenny had already taken to removing Kyle’s hat for him and hanging it on the hook by the door. “Yeah, we got ‘im, scout’s honor.”

“The hippie would probably stay anyway,” Cartman pointed out. He had migrated to the kitchen and was rifling through the freezer, hopefully for an ice pack and not to raid the snacks.

Well, as much as Cartman was a dick, he wasn’t wrong. Stan had no intention of leaving Kyle’s side.

Kyle’s mom pursed her lips and checked her watch. Stan could practically see her internal conflict: would she deviate from her carefully curated schedule to stay home and smother her son, or would she let four teenage boys skip school and hang out in her living room? He turned on his best “charming and trustworthy” face; he usually had good luck with adults.

Sheila sighed, and Stan felt disproportionately victorious. The woman was even more expressive than Kyle was. Clearly, the gang was about to get a day off class with no grown up supervision. Yes!

“Fine,” she relented. “But only because I’m already running late. I’ll see if I can get all four of you an excused absence.”

That definitely wasn’t going to be an issue. Principal Charles would just love the idea of them practicing “wholesome male friendship and emotional support” and all that. If that wasn’t the conclusion the principal came to on his own, Cartman was a master manipulator and could talk himself, and the rest of them by extension, out of trouble.

Sheila grabbed her purse and bent down to kiss her son’s forehead, leaving a lipstick mark. “You’re a little warm, Kyle, do you feel-“

“Ma, I was wearing a hat,” Kyle groaned. “Please give the worrying a rest.”

“Fine, fine,” she clucked, shaking her head. “You boys just behave, do you hear me? And Stanley, you call me if I need to come home.”

“Yes ma’am.”

When the door shut behind her, Kyle groaned yet again, dramatically throwing his arms over his eyes. “I swear to God, she’s gonna be fussing over me like I’m a kid until the end of time.”

“Totally weak,” Cartman agreed.

“She just gets concerned about you,” Kenny reminded him. “I mean, it’s not like she doesn’t have a reason.”

Stan almost expected Kyle to fly into a rage at that, but he just sighed. “Can’t wait to be done with the goddamn crutches so she can chill the fuck out.”

Yeah, Sheila Broflovski ever chilling the fuck out was probably about as likely as Randy sobering up. Not gonna happen. And Kyle had gotten more than just the hair, nose, and height from his mother; he’d also gotten her temper, so Stan chose to let him believe she’d let up once he could walk.

“Ha! That’ll be the day,” Cartman laughed as he turned away from the freezer, ice pack in one hand and a popsicle in the other.

Stan caught the pack easily when it was tossed his way, ignoring their resident troublemaker in favor of getting his super best boyfriend’s leg elevated better. “This okay, baby?”

“Yeah, it-“ Kyle cut off with a wince. “Doesn’t hurt as bad as it did at first.”

“Still hurts, though?”

“I mean, it never really stopped hurting,” Kyle said with a shrug. “Not all the way.”

Stan had done his research after his partner first messed up his leg. What the basketball coach guessed was a sprain turned out to be a hyperextended knee and partial meniscus tear, straining the outside ligament and everything. Not an injury that required surgery, since Kyle was young and relatively healthy, but he wasn’t supposed to put any weight on it at all for a full month, was supposed to be taking anti inflammatories and painkillers. Kyle tried to downplay it, sick of being out of commission, but Stan maintained that it caused him more trouble than he admitted.

Kenny hopped up from where he’d been perched on the arm of the couch. “Where’s your drugs? I gotcha.”

“I don’t need-“

“Nightstand,” Stan interrupted. Kyle wasn’t about to weasel his way out of medication. Kenny bounded up the stairs as Kyle angrily unzipped his coat and threw it in the general direction of the jacket hooks.

“Dude, I don’t want the fucking painkillers.”

Cartman snorted from his position on the floor, where he’d claimed control of the remote and was looking for trashy reality tv. “You’ve been on crutches for weeks and you still can’t walk, you dumb bitch. Take the goddamn pills if you hurt. That’s like, common sense.”

“You wouldn’t know common sense if it bit you in the fat ass.”

As much as Stan hated to agree with Cartman, he did have a point. “Kyle, please don’t be difficult about this. We’re just trying to help.”

Kyle scowled and crossed his arms. “You can help by getting off my case. I swear, you guys are as bad as my mother.”

“No can do, firefox,” Kenny re entered the living room, holding the orange vial of painkillers aloft. “Consider us on your case like white on rice. This bottle should not still be this full.”

“Let me see that.” Stan confirmed that it was pretty obvious that Kyle had been slacking on the meds. “Dude, c’mon. Have you not been taking these?”

“I took them “as directed” or whatever the first week,” Kyle protested. “I don’t like how they make me all foggy and tired!”

Stan fought the urge to groan. “Baby, you’re literally in pain. Your leg’s gonna hurt if you don’t treat the symptoms.” He didn’t add that the fact that Kyle had been hurting and doing nothing about it had definitely played in to his irritability. He knelt down and took Kyle’s hand. “Will you just take one? For me? Your pain is my pain.”

Cartman mimed throwing up. “Jesus Christ, you fucking simp! What is this, a shitty fanfiction?!”

“SHUT UP, CARTMAN,” Kyle snapped. Then his eyes met Stan’s, and his anger dissipated some. “Damnit, Staniel. Don’t give me the face! You look like a sad puppy and- ugh, fucking fine, but if anyone draws dicks on my face while I’m taking a damn high ass nap, I’m kicking the ass of everyone in this room.”

A threat not to be taken lightly, even with Kyle’s current physical limitations. Small, injured, about to nod off from the pill he’d swallowed while he was talking, but vicious.

“No dicks, promise,” Kenny said with a hand over his heart.

“Yeah, we all know the only dick you want on your face is Stan’s-“ Cartman was cut off by a throw pillow flung in his direction. “Fine! Geez, I won’t fuck with you.”

“I’ll keep watch,” Stan offered.

Cartman rolled his eyes and went back to flipping through daytime television. “I hate your gay ass, I’m so seriously.”

———

There was only so much Real Housewives the boys could take before it got old. And Stan really didn’t give a shit what the Kardashians were up to. Even Cartman had gotten restless after a few hours, corralling Kenny out the back door to throw chunks of ice against the fence.

Kyle was still sleeping through all of it, though his sleep looked far from peaceful. Kyle didn’t usually sleep well in general, and lying in an uncomfortable position on the couch with his face tight even in sleep, he looked to be struggling. Nightmares, probably, made even weirder than normal by the drugs making him sleep harder than he usually did.

Stan didn’t have the heart to wake him up, instead just in his lookout post on the floor next to the couch. He switched the channel to National Geographic and turned the sound off, letting his head fall back next to his boyfriend’s.

He couldn’t have been asleep long, before being jolted awake by a thump and a muttered “god damnit”.

Adjusting to the dim light of the living room, Stan landed on Kyle, who had apparently walked into the doorframe in his post nap confusion. He was immediately up and darting his way.

“Dude, you’re supposed to be using your crutches! Where’re you going?”

Kyle grumbled and rubbed at his leg. “I’m running the Boston Marathon, what does it look like? I’m on a piss quest, Stanathan.”

Stan swung an arm around him for support, helping him hobble down the hall. “For fucks sake, Ky, you’re gonna hurt yourself walking around like this.”

“Didn’t think about it,” Kyle argued. “I told you the pills make me all groggy.”

They stopped at the bathroom. “Can you make it?”

Kyle hopped through and shut the door. “I’m not helpless.”

Stan leaned against the wall, trying not to laugh at the frustrated look he’d flashed. “You have a good nap, at least?”

“Had a dream I was in a wheat field.”

“A wheat field?”

“Yeah.” He heard the toilet flush and the faucet start up. “We were trying to invade a kingdom of giants with a marching band. And then I was in my car and all the tires exploded. Pedro Pascal was there.”

Steadying his boyfriend on his way back into the hall, Stan chuckled. “The Mandolorian slashed your tires?”

“Apparently.”

Heat was radiating from Kyle like a furnace. Not that he didn’t usually run warm, especially when he slept, but even Sheila had noticed earlier. Stan helped him down onto the couch and rested the back of his hand on Kyle’s face, checking for fever.

“Dude, do you feel okay? You look kinda pale, and you’re hot.”

Kyle rolled his eyes. “Jesus, not you too. I’m fine. I can’t be sick on top of everything else, you just worry too much.”

That wasn’t how it worked, but okay. Kenny and Cartman came barging in the kitchen door, shaking ice from their shoes in a haphazard way that a certain matriarch wouldn’t appreciate.

“I need some fucking hot chocolate!” Cartman declared, Kenny letting out a muffled agreement through his scarf before unwinding it.

“Guys,” Stan started, “have you been sick at all the past week? Like, fever, dizziness, anything?”

Kenny shrugged. “I had the sniffles a couple days ago, that’s it.”

“I don’t get sick,” Cartman insisted. “My immune system is superior. Oh, lame, you guys! Is Kahl infected with some disease now too? I mean, more than just his default.”

Kyle moaned dramatically. “Please cut it out. I’m tired, assholes.”

Stan ignored him, at least until he had a chance to check for certain. “Ken, will you get the thermometer? Under the kitchen sink. I think I might’ve given you guys that cold I had over the weekend.”

“You got over that in like, two days,” Kyle pointed out.

“That was me. This is you. And if you’ll recall, I almost cracked my head open in your bedroom,” Stan reminded him.

“Because you’re a dick who tried to ignore it.”

“And what are you doing right now?”

Kyle opened his mouth to make some remark, and Kenny took the opportunity to shove the thermometer under his tongue. Kyle glared but didn’t yank it out, probably hoping to prove them all wrong.

“Ha!” Cartman was at least a little amused reading the screen. “Of course you’re sick. What, can’t handle a little seasonal bug like the rest of us?”

Moving to lunge off the couch, Kyle swung, not missing this time, but falling to the floor nonetheless. Cartman wailed like he’d just been stabbed.

“Did- did you guys see that?! Kahl totally got me in the eye! Oh, god, I’m blind! I’m suing your crippled ass!”

“Knock it off, Fatboy, you’re fine,” Kenny said tiredly. “Kyley, I think we should get you up to bed and call your mom.”

Stan was inclined to agree, not just because Kyle was definitely running a temperature now, but also because he’d just fallen for the second time in the span of a few hours, and there was no way even Kyle could deny how much that had to hurt. He scooted the coffee table out of the way to help him up.

“Okay, use the good side, I’ve got you.”

Kyle had gotten pretty graceful at using the pistol squat method to get up without putting weight on his bad knee over the past few weeks. He’d always been deceptively strong, even like now when he was sick and drawn, and Stan was just kind of there just in case he faltered.

“Don’t call my mom,” he pleaded. “It’s just a little fever. I can probably sleep it off.”

Well, considering his ridiculous stubbornness, Kyle could probably argue that illness going around right out of his body. “You can try, dude, but Sheila’s gonna be pissed I didn’t tell her.”

“I’ll handle it,” Kyle mumbled, accepting his crutches and letting Kenny and Stan accompany him to the stairs. “Will you guys stay?”

Stan raised an eyebrow. “Even Cartman?”

“Pshh, like I wanna stick around for the jew to get pissed off and try to kill me again.”

The guys knew Cartman well enough to know that was just his way of saying he didn’t want to be the reason Kyle got carried away and hurt himself, but they didn’t point that out.

“Then fuck off, fatass. Go manipulate the FBI or whatever you get up to,” Kyle said with another eyeroll.

Cartman snorted. “Eh, it’s still pretty early. Maybe I’ll start a cult or something.” He grinned mischievously. “See you assholes.”

Kenny flipped on the hall light. “I wonder what it is that he actually does in his spare time.”

“Something stupid or illegal.” Kyle groaned as he was helped into bed. “Or both.”

That sounded about right. Stan settled under the blankets next to him, Kenny having procured the cold meds still in the drawer from Stan having been sick. Stan read the pack carefully before handing Kyle a few capsules. “Here, dude. It’s the daytime shit. No acetaminophen or any of the crap that’ll fuck with your other drugs.”

“Thanks.”

Kyles massive “Ass Pro Shops” tumbler, a Kenny McCormick creation that was forever stationed on Kyle’s nightstand with its blue silicone straw, washed down the medicine before Kyle lied back with a sigh. He was clearly still in pain, and now feverish to top it off. “Have I mentioned yet that I’m really fucking annoyed?”

Kenny snorted, casually shooting the mini basketball into the hoop mounted on the closet door. “Darlin’, you’ve made that pretty clear.”

Stan wrapped him up in his arms, carefully, like his boyfriend might attack like a wounded animal. And here we see an injured fox, in his burrow, directly after fighting off the raccoon. He has allowed the continued company of the bear and the opossum, who continue to aid in his recovery. The rabbit often accompanies this ragtag group, though she would likely be unwilling to leave school, fearing both the agitated fox’s anger and a potential to be grounded.

Laughing at his mental nature documentary comparison was probably not in his best interest, lest Kyle assume he was being made fun of, so Stan just kissed his boyfriend’s flushed cheek. “You gonna be able to fall asleep again?”

Kyle snuggled closer. “Mm, if you keep holding me like this.”

Stan knew both he and Kenny would have to leave his side eventually. Kenny had basketball practice and Stan had off season football conditioning. He could get out of classes today, sure, but coach wasn’t about to ease up on him, not with Stan set to play first string in the fall. If South Park had one thing (other than cattle) to be proud of, it was high school sports.

Still, he’d savor this moment, getting to take care of him with Kenny for backup, and he’d probably cave and stay if Kyle asked.

———

The alarm clock on the nightstand flashed that it was almost three when Sheila poked her head in to whisper (or her version of it, at least), “boys!”

Uncharacteristically, Stan was the first to wake, followed by Kenny, who had curled up at the foot of the bed like a pet, while Kyle only moaned and rolled over.

“Yes ma’am?” Stan mumbled, rubbing his eyes and disoriented from their nap.

The matriarch planted her hands on her hips, one auburn brow arched in concern. “Is everything alright? Eric already left?”

“Mhm. A while ago. He went because he was making Ky mad again and they were trying to fight and we all didn’t want him to hurt himself more. It was Cartman’s decision.” Stan didn’t know why he was defending the dickhole who liked to mess with his favorite person. Maybe because Cartman had recently shown a few redeeming qualities, plus Stan felt bad in general about giving the guys his cold. “Kyle, he didn’t want us to call you, but he’s running a bit of a fever. Or, he was a few hours ago. We got some medicine in him, so hopefully it’s down.”

“WHAT WHAT WHAT?!”

Kyle sat up quickly, squeaking a little in his confusion. “Ma, what’s going on? Why are you freaking out?”

She rushed over, immediately all over her son. “Oh, I knew it! I knew you were warm this morning! Call it a motha’s intuition, but I knew you’d caught what’s going around that school of yours!”

“He’s okay, Mrs. B,” Kenny cut in. “Stanny and I both got over it quick, and Cartman definitely had it but didn’t even complain, and you know how he is.”

Sheila sighed, hands still on the face of an absolutely peeved Kyle. “Oh, I suppose. I just, I worry! About all of you! And my poor baby is already hurt, I can’t imagine how miserable it must be-“

“Ma, please. I’m okay. Just let me go back to sleep.”

Turning to the other two, who had gotten up and were standing attentively like seven year olds in trouble, she offered a motherly smile. “Why don’t the two of you go down and make yourselves a snack?” She suggested. “You have to leave for your sports soon, right? Can’t go on an empty stomach!”

Kenny opened his mouth to protest, but Stan knew how Sheila’s mind operated. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer, especially while she had already blustered into full caretaking mode at the mention of her child under the weather. She’d do that for all five of them, yeah, but as much as Kyle would kick his ass if he said it, Kyle had always been more prone to physical problems than the rest.

“Will do. Ken, sandwiches real quick and we head to the school?”

“Works for me, brother. Thank you, Mrs B.”

Sheila smiled tensely, trying to force feed Kyle the lukewarm water at his bedside. Stan reached around her to squeeze his hand. “Okay, dude?”

“I’m okay. Little plague and a fucked up leg can’t take me out.”

“Kyle, language!”

Stan had to laugh. “We left the thermometer downstairs,” he offered. “If you want to check again. We’ll be outa here in a sec.” He kissed the back of Kyle’s hand, noticing how glassy his eyes were, all the brighter in their fever flush. “Can I come check on you after?” He was asking both Kyle and his mother.

They answered in unison, which made Kenny laugh. “Aight, loverboy, let’s feed us so we don’t die during suicides.”

The irony wasn’t lost on either of them when they made it down the stairs into the kitchen. “Dude, I really hate the idea of leaving him alone.”

Kenny retrieved sandwich supplies eagerly from the fridge and cabinets. They all knew where everything was kept in each other’s houses.

“He’s not alone. Got his mama, and you know she’s leaping at the chance. Where do ya think Ky gets it?”

True. Both Kyle and Sheila shared that overbearing motherly quality. They thrived on caring for people.

Problem was, Kyle was a godawful patient, and Stan liked to coddle him in spite of the protests.

“Make me a pb&j, will you?” He asked Kenny. “I’m gonna heat up some soup for Ky. He hasn’t eaten since breakfast, if he did have that.”

“He’s gonna get annoyed,” Kenny pointed out.

That was true, but still. “Dude, my boyfriend is hurt, sick, stubborn as fuck, and diabetic. I’m not letting his levels get messed up.”

Kenny laughed. “Just marry him already. You’d make a great overprotective husband.”

“Sick, man, we’re kids!”

“That has nothing to do with what I just said. I’m talkin’ future shit.”

Stan dumped a can of chicken noodle into the pot he’s grabbed. “You deadass said “already”. We’re sixteen and fifteen.”

“You’re still gonna be a good husband one day.” Kenny was building sandwiches, didn’t look up. “We call him a mom, but you’re absolutely the type of dad to be waiting on the porch with a shotgun if your daughter brings home a date. Not that your pacifistic ass would use it.”

That was true, guns were not his favorite. “Ken, knock it off.” He checked on the time. “Hey, drink some water. We should head out as soon as we eat.”

Canned soup was easy and quick enough to heat up, and Stan had it poured into a bowl with a few crackers on the side by the time Kenny had gotten sandwiches and drinks set up on the bar. “Gonna take this up to Ky, be right back.”

“Leaning into that knight in shining armor complex pretty hard today, huh?”

Stan flipped him off over his shoulder.

In Kyle’s room, Shiela was humming at a low volume, fussing with the covers and the washcloth she’d laid on his forehead. Kyle saw him first.

“Dudeeee,” he complained. “Tell Ma I’m okay and she doesn’t need to smother me.”

Laughing and setting the soup on the table, Stan leaned over to run his fingers through Kyle’s hair. “Sorry, but I’m on her side, dude.” He gave Sheila a sheepish smile. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you, I just, he was already getting pretty good rest and I didn’t want to rile him up-“

“Oh, believe me,” she said pointedly. “I know he’d have only worked himself up.”

“I’m right here!”

“See what I mean?” Sheila put on her all business face. “Bubbeh, Stanley and Kenny have to leave soon for practice.”

Kyle looked positively betrayed. “Dude, you’re actually leaving me?”

“You need more rest, baby. I can maybe come back and visit after conditioning?” Yeah, right. More than likely, his mom would veto any more company until Kyle was over the fever. “You need to eat and keep taking it easy.”

“Yes, sir,” Kyle grumbled sarcastically.

Stan suppressed another laugh and kissed the back of his hand again before turning to Sheila. “We’ll be out the door in a few minutes. I’ll ask before coming after.”

She nodded. “I think that would be best. Thank you for helping out today, Stan.”

“Definitely, dude.” Then he froze. He called his own mother dude, but he had never called Kyle’s mom that. Thankfully, she smiled fondly.

“You boys just put your dishes in the sink when you’re done. Have a good practice.”

Stan grinned and kissed Kyle again before heading back down. Kenny was halfway through his sandwich when he plopped down and snorted.

“Man, I totally just called Ky’s mother “dude”,” he commented.

Kenny giggled. “Only you, brother. Gotta tell ya, I think this basketball team thing? This is probably a one time deal.”

“You’re not planning to play next year?”

“It’s just, well, it was only fun with Kyle, and he’s out for a hot minute. Plus I could be spending my free time workin’. Lot to think about, ya know? And it’s not like you and football. I just wanted to try it out.”

Stan understood. He’d cycled through plenty of hobbies himself. “Why not just go ahead and quit?”

Kenny shook his head. “Season’s almost over, anyway. Gotta finish it out. So, for now…” he saluted with his sandwich. “Fuck it. We ball.”

[ochrearia]

The Grubbening

Okay silly one now to balance out the poorly disguised vent shots I just did. Bugs when you lift up a rock

BFs in this one-shot: Biff (PoPr!BF, mine), Beef (wyd!BF, Boyfer's), Boyf (fc!BF, Lyca's), Yourself (YS)

Five minutes. YS had been gone out of his bedroom for five fucking minutes. Apparently that was all it took for some sacks of shit to invade his room all at once and start committing to some ridiculous bit. Because really, coming back into his room having been completely alone for the better part of the day only to find three idiots buried in his bed’s blankets, all looking at him with the most shit-eating grins possible, was not what he was expecting actually. He stared at them with the most exhausted look he could muster to really lay it on thick.

“Hey man. What the fuck is this now.”

“We’re grubs. We’re grubs in our soil. This is our soil. Why are you hating.” Beef responded in the most matter-of-fact voice.

Biff and Boyf nodded vigorously in agreement to this statement. YS smacked his hands over his face and rubbed at his eyes, why was it always him that got stuck with three overgrown toddlers that loved to torment him. Genuinely, what the fuck were they talking about.

“So you’re telling me I have an insect infestation. I sleep there. You know I sleep there right. Like that is my bed. I need my bed bro.” YS mumbled, pushing his fingers into his temples.

“No you don’t. You don’t need it now. You need to become a grub with us.” Biff replied instead.

“I’m not becoming a grub. You’re all being obnoxious.”

“Booo. Booooooo. Not playing along. Being a bitch. Grubs, don’t let him on the bed if he won’t become one with the soil with us.” Boyf continued.

Man, what the fuck. “How did you guys even get in here at the exact time that I wasn’t in the room? Were you three fucking waiting in the mirror for me to piss off so you could move in and hostile takeover my goddamn bed? You better not have actually put dirt in my blanket for the bit. If I find a single particle of dirt in there I am kicking your asses collectively.”

“Why do you have such a stick up your ass today, big bro?” Beef asked. “You love playing. We know you love playing, we’ve seen it. What’s wrong about the grub bit? Maximum hater in the room. Be a little more fun.”

“Okay first of all, you have never called me ‘big bro’ and you are never going to call me that again because it makes you sound like a hypebeast.”

“The fuck? A hypebeast? Alright, my mistake, fuck you in particular, Feathers.”

“Aw, you call him Feathers? I didn’t know we were actually making up nicknames for him. Works pretty well considering. I guess you did that with his whole angel thing in mind, huh?”

“Heh, Feathers. Such a softie ass nickname. Man, YS was right, you’re not a threat ever, that’s some hollow ass fire you have in your temper.” Biff teased lightly.

“Alright, fuck all of you.”

Heh, the grubs are falling apart at the seams. Oh for god’s sake, was he really going along with the grub shit? The bit was still dumb. They were just all using it as an excuse to fuck with him. You know what? Fine, if they were gonna be stupid then he was going to be equally stupid. They were all the same person. They couldn’t out-stupid each other but they could damn well try.

“Non-grub approaching. Be alert, grubs, we’re going to come under attack…” Biff warned as YS approached the bed with a plan in mind.

YS flashed them all incredulous looks before shrugging to himself and enacting his own stupid. He hopped up onto his bed and piled himself across all three of his idiot little brothers, essentially trapping them under his back as he lay staring at the ceiling. You know, like he normally would lie down in his bed without the three musketeers of moronic behavior beneath him. The chorus of aggravated Baaa!s was really what sold it.

“What the hell man! Get the fuck off!” Beef hollered, struggling the most of the three.

“Oh so now you have a problem. Sorry, my bed, my rules. Not my fault you three decided to waltz in like you owned the place and took up residence somewhere that I use on an hourly basis. I like my bed. God forbid there are consequences to your actions.” YS replied tiredly, but grinning all the same.

“Get offffffff, you fucker, you’re so uncomfortable!” Biff whined.

“Nah. Too comfy.” YS said, purposefully shifting around to try and get more comfortable on top of them which elicited more angry beepspeak noises.

“Grubs, he’s relying on his high ground and expecting us to keep tearing at each other. We have to work together and overthrow him. Get ready.” Boyf thought with a wave of determination.

Oh dear. “Now hold on just a second-”

Well, before YS could finish his sentence, the three grubs underneath him enacted their plan of attack. They all managed to wiggle their way out from under the angel and pretty much all tackled him at once, covering him in the blanket they were once under. Successfully cocooned YS in the blanket-turned-soil with all three now on top of him. A brutal attack and swift victory.

“Grubs victorious! He is one with the soil!” Biff hollered while Beef and Boyf let out whoops of their own at the exclamation.

YS let out a long and deep sigh, but the amusement in his tone was practically dripping. “Yeah, alright, fine. You win. Buried me in soil. Do I really have to be a grub though just to take a nap?”

“Yes.” All three of them chorused in response.

“Well fuck. You all suck and I hate you.” YS was lying, of course. “I guess I should be calling you all my little grubs instead of your personalized nicknames now. No more little light, or little flame, or little bear. Though I guess little pests also works.”

Little pests, they were. But they knew it had no bite to it. If anything, the three of them piling onto YS was just making him more warm and more sleepy. Well, he was already in bed, falling asleep here with three of his idiot loveable brothers wasn’t so bad. The three of them were still talking about grubs and soil amongst themselves, all on their own sides of being snuggled up to YS. Yeah, a nap now wouldn’t hurt. So the angel let himself drift off to the sounds of their voices playfully bickering.

[marosina]

hi! i saw your prompt post! dunno if you write for eremika, but i think you’d kill some eremika angst/hurt comfort :)

Yay! I've wanted to write Eremika for a little bit, so this is perfect! Thank you! Some inspiration from School Castes.

3,162 words | Read on AO3

~*~

When Eren saw Armin again, it wasn’t in Hell. Though, maybe Florida was close enough.

Disney World’s supposed to make you happy, right? Eren couldn’t get the thought out of his head as he pressed his wet back against the shaded brick wall behind him. His parents and younger brother were off in a line for something Eren had no interest in riding—so essentially, they could have been anywhere.

He hadn’t tried to lose them, but he didn’t mind, either. The humidity was driving him mad, minute by minute. He missed the air conditioning back at the house, and more than that, he missed the dry heat in Arizona. Ever since they’d moved, he’d felt like he was always mildly drowning; either on the air, or his own sweat.

“Water?” a kind voice asked.

Eren straightened, his head whipping to find the source. To his left, a familiar head of blonde hair clumped together in small chunks over a glistening forehead. Blue eyes, and a shy smile.

Armin lifted the bottle he offered, but Eren couldn’t move.

“I saw you standing here on my way to get a drink, and you looked like you could use some, so…” Armin explained. His brows crept together when an answer still didn’t come. “Are you okay?”

Eren forced himself to move, stiff like his joints had rusted in the damp heat. He wrapped his fingers around the bottle, and nodded.

“Thank you.”

Armin smiled. “Are you here with anyone?”

“Uh…”

“You can join us!”

Eren wondered if he was hallucinating. Had the sun gotten the best of him?

“Mikasa!”

His heart skipped a beat. No, this wasn’t real. And if it was, he couldn’t handle it. Not now. Maybe not ever.

With Armin’s back turned to him, he slipped around the corner of the building and took off as fast as he could push his shaking legs.

~*~

By the time junior year started, Eren was still thinking about them. Nearly two months had passed, and as many nights were filled with their faces in his dreams. 

It was no wonder his peers avoided him in the halls. The purple under his eyes, and his default dead stare were the perfect shield. But, the less people bothered him, the better. He was far too tired to deal with the endless interviews that came with being the new kid.

The peace didn’t last long, though.

Two weeks into the semester, Eren was making his way down the stairs from his last class when he heard that voice again.

“Take whatever you need. I’m happy to do some charity work.”

Eren was certain he was hallucinating now, but he couldn’t help slowing his strides.

“Little fuck—” Thud .

Armin groaned.

Eren’s legs moved faster than his brain, pulling him down the last flight of stairs into the basement. Armin sat in the corner, crumpled up against the wall, with two senior jocks towering over him and a sophomore bitch digging through his backpack.

“Get the fuck away from him,” Eren growled, pulling his bag off of his shoulders. “ Now. ”

Laughter echoed in the small landing, but he wasn’t amused. He swung his bag, heavy with his old, bulky laptop and three cans of Monster Energy. The first guy went down, taken off guard, but the second grabbed the bag and tugged so hard that Eren fell to his knees.

Before he could process the change in perspective, the second guy dropped like a fly, and the sophomore took off up the stairs.

“Armin, are you hurt?”

Eren’s chest tightened, squeezing the breath out of him.

Mikasa .

“I’m fine.”

Eren stared at the floor, listening to the shuffling as they moved. It dawned on him that he was trapped. If not in the stairwell, then in the building. If not today, then for the next two years. 

He’d never wanted to be hallucinating so badly in his life. Well, in this one, anyway.

“You’re the new kid,” Mikasa said somewhere behind him.

He nodded, not daring to look at her.

“And the Disney World guy!” Armin exclaimed. “It is a small world after all.”

“Yeah,” Eren agreed quietly.

“Thanks for your help,” Armin said. “We’re going to get ice cream, if you want to come?”

Eren pushed himself up, refusing to show his face. He picked up his backpack, and threw it over his shoulder. Without a word, he hurried up the stairs.

Behind him, Mikasa said, “What a dick.”

Surprisingly, even to himself, Eren huffed a single laugh as he pushed through the exit.

~*~

It started one day in the library, when Eren stayed late after class to avoid going home. One eleven year old brother he could handle, but when said brother’s friends were over? No thank you.

He’d been flipping through a comic book, music playing in his headphones, when he felt eyes on him. Then again the next day on the bus as he stared out the window. And again on Monday in the cafeteria.

He ignored it. At some point, someone had dubbed him freak boy . Now, they were all waiting for him to do something, anything that would make good gossip. Anything that could fuel their flames.

It felt so trivial to Eren.

What’s new?

He felt it wherever we went, so he didn’t think about who else might be watching him in the crowd. Until they changed their strategy.

“We’re going to be friends,” Armin announced as he sat down at the mostly-empty lunch table.

Eren looked up, lips parting with nothing to say.

Mikasa slid in beside Armin, eyes narrowed with  skepticism as she observed Eren across the table.

“I’m Armin. This is Mikasa,” Armin said.

“And you’re freak boy ,” Mikasa added.

Eren pressed his lips together and pushed his lunch around the plate in front of him. This was so incredibly cruel. Since the day he first remembered , he’d wondered: why ? Now it seemed the answer was torture.

Selfishly, he wanted his friends back. Unfortunately, he knew he didn’t deserve that. He’d hurt them in ways he couldn’t comprehend in this new life. How unfair it would be to take advantage of their blissful ignorance.

“Yup, that’s me,” Eren agreed. “Big freak. Generally awful human being. And I’m allergic to friendship, so you should go.”

“I hear some allergies go away with exposure therapy,” Armin said with a small smile.

“No, I’m deathly allergic.”

Armin’s lips fell. “W-well, if you change your mind… We’re going to see Colossus on Friday night. I have a third ticket. Very minimal talking.”

Eren kept his eyes on his plate. There was no way he could finish eating now. He wasn’t sure he would be able to keep anything down.

“Let’s go,” Mikasa mumbled..

And they were gone.

~*~

Maybe Eren was a masochist, no matter what life he lived. He could barely reason with himself as to why he was standing outside of the theater downtown. He knew that any time spent in their presence was sure to end painfully. Yet, here he was.

“You came!” Armin cheered as he got out of the passenger seat of the old car Mikasa drove them over in. He hurried across the parking lot to meet Eren by the wall covered in framed posters. Mikasa followed, less eager.

Eren’s eyes scanned over her, latching on to the details: her pigtails, dark lipstick, layers of necklaces, and long flowing skirt. He nearly stopped breathing. It was so different, but… nice.

Her eyes hardened. He averted his gaze.

“Uh, yeah. I love these movies,” Eren said, though he avoided Armin’s face, as well.

“Us, too,” Armin chirped, guiding them into the building.

Loaded with popcorn and drinks, they shuffled into their seats. Eren found himself in the middle, to Mikasa’s distaste. Armin refused to acknowledge it.

As promised, no one spoke as the film rolled on the screen. Armin mindlessly shovelled popcorn into his mouth while Eren and Mikasa sat in mild discomfort beside each other. Eren tried his best to focus on the movie, but he didn’t know what he’d expected to happen. All he could think about was how sweet Mikasa’s perfume smelled, how her eyes sparkled in the dark. 

What he’d put her through.

In the end, he left without knowing a single name or plot point.

“That was amazing!” Armin said with a grin. “Oh my god, that plot twist! I’m going straight to the forums when I get home.”

Eren almost smiled. He couldn’t deny it was nice to see him so happy, at peace. Safe.

That is, until he stepped off of the curb without looking. Eren shot forward, yanking him back before the speeding car could get to him. The high beams flashed over their faces as they stumbled onto the grass. Mikasa gasped as she caught up behind them, then pushed Eren aside to make sure her best friend was okay. Once confident, she looked back over her shoulder.

“You saved him.”

“Again,” Armin breathed.

Eren shrugged. The last thing he wanted was for it to be a big deal.

It was.

Armin and Mikasa refused to leave him alone from that evening on.

~*~

It was a summer afternoon, a few weeks before senior year, that Eren noticed something different in the way Mikasa looked at him. 

They were lounging in Armin’s basement, each of them doing something different. Armin was reading on the floor, Mikasa had nail polish bottles sprawled across the coffee table, and Eren lounged on the couch with his headphones on as he lost himself in thought. They’d grown comfortable as a trio, naturally, as was their fate, it seemed.

Things weren’t quite the same, Eren found. At a core level, he recognized the people in front of him, but they’d been shaped by a different world. He supposed the same was true of himself. Yet, they still worked together. 

He found that it was easier to make them happy than to dwell on lives they were blind to. And if it filled some of the gaping crater in his chest, he didn’t mind.

Armin slid a bookmark into his paperback and pushed himself up to go to the bathroom. The movement caught Eren’s attention, and he turned his head to catch the tail end of his retreat. Mikasa looked up from the table, and they found each other’s eyes. Neither spoke for a moment, Mikasa blowing on her wet nails. Eren slid his headphones down around his neck.

“What are you listening to?” she asked.

“The new HISTORIA album.”

Her brows lifted. “You like HISTORIA?”

“Yeah, they’re a solid band.”

“I loved their last album.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“What about this one?”

“I haven’t heard it yet.”

Eren fiddled with the cord on his headphones. “Well… Listen to it. If you like it, I’ll get us tickets for their show in Orlando.”

“Tickets for who?” Armin asked as he re-entered the room.

“HISTORIA,” Mikasa answered.

Armin’s nose scrunched. “Not my favourite.”

“Just us then,” Eren said with a crooked smile..

Mikasa’s eyes danced with something that made Eren’s chest flutter.

~*~

The concert turned into late night dinner, which bled into a stroll along the beach until the sun came up. Eren couldn’t remember the last time he’d had so much fun. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever seen Mikasa so happy. It suited her, he thought.

Which was how it began. An old story on a new page.

Armin settled into his third-wheel role with zero complaints. And when Eren called him out for listening to HISTORIA on the bus one day, he smiled innocently.

Things were good. So good. Wonderful, even. For the first time in the two thousand years these feelings had existed, Eren was allowed to feel them. Openly, honestly. Deeply. He was allowed to bask in her affection, to melt into her and tell her what she really meant to him. If he shed a tear, he told her the air was dry.

Years passed them by, and Eren almost forgot about their failed first love. He’d nearly tricked himself into writing it all off as silly dreams, again. Maybe he could have deluded himself into believing that for real. Maybe.

Except he should have known better.

One night, just shy of three in the morning, Mikasa shot up in bed, covered in sweat. Eren stirred, squinting into the dark to try and find her silhouette.

“What’s wrong?” he whispered.

She shook, and his heart sank as he laid his hand on her trembling arm. In an instant, he wrapped himself around her from behind, holding her close. She sniffled, but didn’t say anything. With his soft, soothing whispers, she calmed enough to lay down, to fall asleep in his arms again. Eren stared at the ceiling for the rest of the night.

When he brought it up in the morning, she simply said, “I don’t really remember. It was just scary.”

Eren prayed to whatever higher power existed these days. Let her be.

But, the only deity who favoured him was gone.

Mikasa woke up in a panic more often over the months, and Eren cursed the universe for hurting her again. Especially when he was so powerless to fix it, stuck watching her stare off into the distance as whatever visions she saw plagued her in the daytime.

“Is it crazy if I think my dreams might be… real?” she asked one day over dinner, breaking the silence.

Eren paused, then swallowed his half-chewed mouthful of food. “What do you mean?”

“Like…” Her eyes glossed over again. “Nevermind.”

“Tell me. I’m not judging you.”

She took a breath and collected herself. “I keep having these dreams… about this whole other… life. It just feels… too real.”

Eren’s heart pounded in his chest, but he focused on stabbing chicken and lettuce. “Maybe it is? Or maybe this is your call to write a best selling novel.”

Mikasa stared down at her plate. “You’re in them. Armin too.”

“Well, the human brain can’t make new people. So maybe we’re your stand-ins?”

She peeked up at him, and it took all of his willpower to meet her stare. He smiled, and her lips curved weakly.

“Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

He wasn’t, but she would be better not knowing the truth. She deserved peace.

~*~

Months later, Eren woke up alone. When he reached out to Mikasa’s side of the bed, it was cold. She was nowhere in the apartment. No note, no text. Her location sharing had been turned off hours ago. Eren jumped immediately to the worst case scenario.

She didn’t pick up the phone. She didn’t respond to his texts. He had no clue where she’d gone. He could only hope she’d show up for their movie night with Armin that evening.

To his relief, she did. Though it was soon replaced with unease. By the time they settled into their seats—Armin in the middle—she still hadn’t looked at him.

Armin leaned over and whispered, “What did you do?” 

Eren shrugged, but his best friend simply wasn’t buying it. Especially not when Mikasa had still barely acknowledged Eren’s presence by the time they were seated in a booth for dinner after the movie. 

“C’mon, Mikasa. I know Eren’s a bit of an idiot sometimes, but he loves you,” Armin pleaded.

Eren couldn’t argue.

Mikasa took a sip of her drink.

“Tell me what he did. He makes some bad decisions sometimes, but he usually has a reason.”

It was then that she looked at Eren, directly in the eyes. She didn’t say a word, but he could see it on her face. He knew exactly what she was thinking. His blood turned to ice.

“Something stupid,” he said, catching the twitch of her brows. “I’ll make it up to her.”

Armin nodded. “That’s the spirit.”

Eren kept his eyes on the girl across the table, though she continued avoiding him. To his discomfort, she did so quite successfully, until Armin left for the night, and they stood silently in the parking lot by Eren’s car. 

The sun had set not too long ago, but he wasn’t quite ready to go home. Still, he opened the door for her, eyes soft and pleading. She caved far easier than he expected.

When they pulled up to the beach, her brows knit tightly together. She studied the man in the driver’s seat, uncertain. He reached into the back seat to grab her a light sweater, then started out into the sand and towards the water. A few minutes passed before she joined him by the gentle waves crashing on the shore. 

“How’s your book coming along?” he asked.

She pulled the sweater tighter around her. “I still haven’t decided on the genre. Not sure about fiction.”

Eren stared into the distance, watching the twinkling lights from boats out on the horizon. She took another step toward the water, breeze blowing her hair behind her, and his eyes flickered to her frame.

“I’m so confused.” she whispered.

Eren’s heart broke for her. He might have been the only one to understand this unique strain of grief, and yet he hadn’t given her a space to process it. He should have known she’d want to face the music.

“I’m sorry.” His voice cracked, and she turned to look at him with wide eyes. His defenses were down, now. The pain, raw and blistering, was hers to know if she wished it.

Her lip trembled. “Is it real?”

He closed his eyes as they prickled with tears, then nodded. He managed a shaky breath, but promptly stopped breathing altogether when trembling fingers grazed his neck.

“Am I going to wake up there again?”

A sob broke in Eren’s throat, his arms winding tight around her like she might disappear any moment, his head shaking. He’d given her ignorance before, and it had only twisted the knife.

“No.”

Her tears flowed, thick and abundant as she pressed her face into his chest. Her hands clawed at his shirt, his skin, his hair. He squeezed her tight, kissing the top of her head. She shook, legs unable to hold her weight any longer. Eren slowly lowered them to their knees and brushed the hair out of her wet face.

“You’re… Oh my god, Eren…” she sobbed.

He smiled, sad and afraid. “Do you hate me?”

She sniffled, choked on a harsh sob, and then pressed herself as close to him as she possibly could, not a care in the world if her boots were filling with sand.

“Never,” she said through her shoulder-shaking tears. “You’re here, Eren. It’s a fresh start, Eren. We have a life together, Eren. You’re twenty-six, Eren.”

A fond laugh almost bubbled to the surface, but he was too busy trying to kiss her senseless, tasting the salt of their tears against their lips.

The world, beautiful and cruel, had brought them together again. 

He would let nothing ruin it this time.

Not even fate.

~*~

If you enjoyed this, please go leave some love on AO3, too! <3

[vypridae]

WAVING WAVING WAVING!!!!!!

was thinking about sending an ask then you rbed me so hihi!!!! <3

i am curious about cassidy :3 bc you posted about him earlier i think, what’s his thing? you said something like he’s so focused on getting afton he causes hurt to his own side, and i love characters like that so i would like to hear rambles <3

ok so the thing with cassidy is. we dont. know a lot abo it them. a lot of what we know comes from either Batshit Matpat Theories TM or vague context clues from other things BUT im willing to explain my thoughts on this

so, cassidy was the fifth child william killed rkght. theyre super often referred to as “the one you should not have killed” by a multitude of animatronics in UCN (william’s personal hell, presumably made by cassidy):

“greetings from the fire, and from the one you shouldn’t have killed!” - jack-o-chica

“i have seen him - the one you shouldn’t have killed!” - withered chica

“he’s here, and always watching - the one you shouldn’t have killed…” - mangle

so the running theory, at least the one from game theory’s Big Lore Videos Part One (ultimate fnaf timeline) is that cassidy was the most brutal of the murders, which. yeah. could see that happening, “the one you shouldnt have killed” in regards to them and not the other souls? would only make sense their death was much more brutal and enraged them to a point of revenge

the thing is, the only proof i really have for cassidy keeping the others trapped with them is some of the death quotes you get from some animatronics; my main proof being withered bonnie.

“what is this new prison? is it me trapped, or is it you? perhaps it’s us both.”

along with this, if you die to three specific animatronics in ucn (happy frog, orville elephant and nedd bear) you may get secret lines with a quiet child’s voice echoing the line in the background:

“they tried to release you. they tried to release us. but i’m not going to let that happen. i will hold you here. i will KEEP you here. no matter how many times they burn us.” - orville

“this is how it feels. and you get to experience it over, and over, and over again. i will never let you leave.” - nedd bear

“we’ve only just begun. i will never let you leave. i will never let you rest.” - happy frog

the only one of those three that really contributes to the idea of trapping the other souls with them in this personal hell they created for william is orville’s; “no matter how many times they burn us.” though it could just refer to cassidy and william specifically, i cant help but feel like the other souls are included in that.

and plus, ”they tried to release us, but i’m not going to let that happen” i mean come on. if that doesn’t scream “i’m using other people to get revenge” idk what does

im sure theres other voice lines i could theoretically find to back up my claims here but !!! theres just my silly ideas. i really like the concept of cassidy being so infuriated with afton that they go out of their way to hurt him, no matter how much it may hurt the other souls trapped with them in the process.

i could ALSO probably get into the idea of cassidy and william’s souls being essentially bound after between pizzeria sim which is why he’s being haunted by them in hell but that’s another rant in and of itself (i say, with no proof for that at all)

[cloverdaisies]

GENESIS ༉‧₊˚.

chapter one / series navi / next..

༉‧₊˚. > description: the bunker project genesis is being discussed, it seems as if the plan to send the delinquent youth to the surface is their only chance to guarantee whether it’s truly survivable up there.. that’s if.. it is successful..

༉‧₊˚. > word count: 2.1k+

༉‧₊˚. > warnings: profanity, some violence and upsetting topics.

Deep somewhere underground, a large bunker system laid beneath the earth with a population of around 3000 which was only expanding. 177 years ago the world was destroyed by nuclear warfare, the earth was made a toxic wasteland, a radioactive hell. The only survivors being those who’d made it to the bunker system before the bombs were detonated. Amongst them, mainly aristocrats, politicians, essentially those with enough money to pay themselves into a space of survival.

Food, Medical supplies and Oxygen were all running low as they were bound to at some point. Rationing had only worked for around a decade, the bunker was dying and as the elected higher council met, they devised a plan that would risk the lives of both their children and the next generation. Your father Daniel Stacey, elected to the council for his outstanding work in engineering nervously chewed at his fingernails over the metal table in the meeting room.

“Are you sure this would work?” The chancellor intently listened to his second in command, chewing at his lip. “I mean it’s our own children we’re risking.”

“Confident sir, it gives them a second chance instead of being trapped in their cells awaiting execution.” The second commander commented, reviewing the list of names across the page. “It’s the only chance we have of knowing whether it’s safe to live up there.”

“Shall we vote?” Another voice chirped up, as the rest nodded in response. The hands raised in favour of the experiment was an overwhelming majority.

“I seriously don’t think this is a good idea.” The voice of your father interrupted the vote, in his seat on the high council it seemed his voice was always overheard. “My daughter is on that list and I don’t want to lose her because you’re too selfish to check if up there is safe yourself! You’re risking the next generation!”

“Mr. Stacey sir, you’re not in the position to overthrow the decisions made by your fellow council members. Besides, the next generation in this society are the ones who don’t go around causing mayhem.” Another board member spoke up, causing your father to sit back down in his seat biting his tongue.

“You’re sending them to their deaths.” He mumbled under his breath, his arms folded not making eye contact with anyone over the table.

“We’re giving them the chance of a new beginning. I’m the chancellor of this system and what I say goes. Don’t question my authority, Daniel.” The chancellor aggressively stood up from his chair, glaring at your father with his warning eyes. “Council dismissed.”

It had been just over 100 days since you’d been imprisoned for causing a catastrophic blackout in the bunkers, you’d counted the days by scratching a pebble into the metal walls of your chamber each day. You’d never expected for the officers of the bunker to snatch you out on day 107, two of them escorting you into the hallway.

“What the fuck are you doing?” You struggled against them as they restrained you, roughly forcing you against the concrete floor.

All of a sudden there was nothing, the darkness falling heavy over your eyes. You’d been shot with a tranquilliser and were currently being dragged across the hallway with a few other inmates.

The next thing your conscious enough to hear was the sound of someone fiddling with something in a metal container, perhaps a scalpel, tweezers?

“She’s waking up.” An unknown voice utters, the sound muffled through your blocked ears, as your head swayed against the back of the medical room chair.

“Insert the patch quickly.” The familiar voice of your father was distant in the blur of lights above you, you then felt a painful stab to right side of your arm. Tinnitus ringing in both your ears, your head spinning and aching in the sound of chaos.

“I’m sorry y/n. I tried everything I could.” You felt a kiss on your forehead, it almost sounded as if your father was crying, the sniffling evident between his words.

“Stacey times up, she needs to go up.” The sound of the chancellor confused you, you were about to sit up before suddenly you’d been knocked out again.

༉‧₊˚.——————————————————————༉‧₊˚.

A blinding brightness caused you to immediately squint your eyes as you sprung to sit up, an unfamiliar breeze blowing towards you like an air conditioner in the bunkers but it was so much stronger. You smelt something unfamiliar, a smell only recognisable from the underground farms. Dirt?

You managed to open your eyes fully, a pile of sleeping bodies around you, some beginning to gain consciousness.

“Y/N!!” A cheery voice so dear to you echoed through your readjusting hearing, you turned in the direction it came from. Faintly recognising the boy from his signature sage green denim jacket and light wash denim jeans.

“Kevin!” You smiled, running to give him a hug not realising your surroundings just yet. Leaves stuck in your hair that he began to pick out. “It’s been so long since I’ve seen you.”

“Is this earth?” You asked, shocked looking around at the forest, the sky overcast yet still beautiful. Flowers bloomed around you, the air so fresh as you span around and basked in the beauty of it all.

“Yeah it is.” He smiled standing next to you, as you overlooked the flowers growing from one of the many bushes dotted around the dumping space.

You found yourself looking around at the others, there were only young people here, no mature adults, just juveniles. You looked at Kevin confused, not understanding what was going on.

“They’ve sent the juveniles up here to see if it’s safe to live on the surface.” Kevin sighed, his eyes following yours as you looked at the others who were beginning to wake up. “Your dad didn’t agree, however mine did. So I decided I wouldn’t let you go alone, so I stole some medical supplies from the infirmary.”

“You did what?! Kevin, why? We could die up here! It’s radioactive!” You began to stress, all of the beauty of the world collapsing around you at once.

“We’re not gonna die. But if your privileged asses think so, I would happily dump you both back down there.” The voice of a boy chimed in behind you, causing you to whip your head around to source the owner of such venomous words.

A boy with messily gelled black hair, fair complexion with a smude of dirt on his cheek below his intimidating cat-like eyes glared at you as if he was trying to turn both you and Kevin to stone. He sat on top of a large pile of rocks, sharpening a stick with his pocket knife.

"What's your problem?" You laughed, watching as he paused his actions looking up at you before jumping down from the rocks and firmly landing on two feet.

"As beautiful as this landscape is, your parents sent us up here to die, my problem? Or do you mean my many problems with your royal status down in that bunker. Your parents executed my father for disagreeing with that monstrosity of a system down there, so whilst we're up here don't do you dare cross me. I'll rip that chip on your arm clean off and let them believe your dead." He drew the knife to your arm pointing at the bright green chip blinking brightly, which you hadn't yet used.

"Right everybody get up, I'm gonna need axes by nightfall!" He walked over to the group of subjects that were dumped beside a large oak tree by the sealed entrance to the bunker system.

"What do you need an axe for?" You approached him again, Kevin following closely behind like a lost penguin.

"Making sure no one follows us. The last thing those bastards on the higher council deserve is to get out after using us as their lab rats." He smirked, the shock settling in as you followed his eye line towards the large oak tree above the bunker.

"You can't trap them down there, what if we need help?!" Kevin butted in watching the group become minions, cheering for the boys words as if he'd already established himself as group leader.

"Help? Just because you’re the chancellor’s son? As if they'd risk their lives to help us, they need to see if we die first. In fact what a good idea, if they think we're dead they'll never come up! I'll go first!" The boy cheered sarcastically, as you watcched him slice the device off his arm falling to the floor as he crushed it beneath his boot.

"No! You can't do this what if your parent-" Realising he'd mentioned his lack of family, you sighed retracting your sentence. He shook his head with a chuckle of belief, cracking a sly smile as he once again turned to the group.

"Who's next?!" He yelled, subjects lineing up to have their monitoring device removed. "It's freedom time angel." He turned to you with an evil look in his eyes, the pet name not doing anything to help your opinion of him.

"Thanks Juyeon man." One of them smiled, running of excitedly to fine scrap metal from the bunker to make an axe.

His name was Juyeon, you'd heard that before but where? Who was his father? How did you know that name?

"Guys, we can't remove those devices! What if something bad happens!" You yelled trying to reason with Juyeon's new followers, watching as they hesitated for a moment - looking at their devices fearfully.

"Have we seen anything dangerous yet? If this place is so unsurvivable wouldn't we be dead already? Pipe down y/n." He laughed, watching as the group roared in agreement, the line only getting longer making judgemental eye contact with you as their devices were cut off.

"How do you even know my name?" You looked at him confused, him turning back his back to you to ignore the question shaking his head.

"Who doesn't? Angel of the system, a privelged girl who found one thing she couldn't get away with." Another voice chirped into the conversation, standing beside you and Kevin was a boy with light brown hair arranged into curtains wearing a beige jacket and green cargos. "It's Hyunjae by the way."

"You're introducing yourself to me after straight up insulting me?" You scoffed, snapping your neck to look at him with a disgusted look. He smiled, his eyes shining like crescent moons.

“I was just telling you to truth, not trying to offend ya.” He shrugged, walking towards Juyeon handing him a bit of rope he’d found. “I quite like freedom, you should try it out.”

You shook your head, turning to Kevin and agreeing to have a quiet moment away from the group. You sat on a ledge in the forest, a long slope down into lower terrain. You threw a rock downwards towards the line watching it bounce over the dirt.

“I didn’t think earth was this pretty. I mean look at the trees, it’s everything the books told us.” Kevin smiled, admiring a collection of fallen leaves he’d collected in the palm of his hands.

“I keep forgetting I haven’t seen you in so long.” You chuckled nudging him in the shoulder bittersweetly.

“Then maybe it’s a good thing we’re up here. We’re free right?” He sighed, breathing in the air and laying backwards on the dirt, his eyes widening as he spots something. “Y/n what is that?”

You follow his finger, as he points up to a bird with glowing neon pink wings, singing an off tune melody from its beak.

“It’s a bird. I think?” You looked up confused at the creature perched on the branch.

“Not like the ones in the books though. It was born into radioactivity. That’s why it looks like that.” The voice of that boy called Hyunjae buts in again, taking a seat beside you and Kevin. “It’s beautiful don’t you think?”

“Yeah actually.” You smile as it flies away, the melody getting further away as you embrace the nature around you.

“I think some of us are splitting off going to find water, if you wanna come with me?” He asked, looking at you with a curious gaze and a smile. The breeze gently trembling in his hair.

“That’s not an invitation for me is it?” Kevin asked, stating the obvious pointing towards his chest with a deep sigh.

“I’m not going without you so it has to be.” You commented, turning back towards Hyunjae who shrugged nonchalantly.

“He can come too if he wants.” He replied getting to his feet, and dusting the dirt off his hands.

As the three of you passed the dumping space again, you caught eyes with that Juyeon boy again, the same dirty intimidating glare piercing through you like daggers. His jaw was clenched, as you and Kevin passed he seemed to start sharpening that stick of his more furiously. Seriously what had you done to hurt him? You couldn't understand his aggression.

i may start a tag list !! please comment if you’d like to join it! <3

[writerblue275]

The One Who Could Break My Heart (Chapter 3)

Chapters 1 + 2

Inspiration: "Trouble" - EXO, "There's Nothing Holding Me Back" - Shawn Mendes, "On My Love" - Zara Larsson & David Guetta

Champion: Ezreal (Pilty!Ez)

Summary: After the many revelations of last night/early this morning, it's time to face the day, face yourself, and have a very important conversation with Ezreal.

Genre: Song-Inspired Fic

Type: A bit angsty (pining), but happy ending. Smuttish (18+ ONLY. Minors DNI.) Fluffy, especially towards the end. (What can I say? I like a happy ending.)

Gender: Comfortable with she/her pronouns? Past parts have been more implied AFAB, but this part not as much? Slight mention of potential future family plans but eh not specific how that could happen.

TW: Mention of nightmare/illusion of reader being harmed. Pining that is resolved. Suggestive stuff.

"Trouble" lyrics in red

"There's Nothing Holding Me Back" lyrics in green

"On My Love" lyrics in pink.

“I’m in trouble.”

As light filters through the linen curtain liners, you slowly start to wake up, getting your bearings straight. You and Ez are tangled together, him sleeping soundly and nuzzling your neck. You can’t help but gently turn your head and kiss his temple before freezing, your startled thoughts quickly waking you completely. No wait I shouldn’t do that…that’s too intimate…I don’t like him like that.

Eventually you gently untangle yourself, smiling softly at his small sleepy protest, and just watch him, thinking about how peaceful he looks. I’m one of the few people who ever sees him this way. I’m one of the few people who can help make him feel like this. God that makes me so happy…wait...wait wait. Wait why does that make me so happy?

It seems like the time has finally come to have a reckoning with yourself. You’re essentially alone with your thoughts and the messages from the emotional part of your mind are loud this morning. You know why it makes you so happy, (Y/N). It’s because you’re in love with him. Stop lying to yourself. You love him as more than just your best friend. You have for a while. You’re in love with Ezreal and you’ve gone and broken your own rule. Admit it.

You realize you’re becoming increasingly tense because of your thoughts. Not wanting to disturb Ez you decide to make a trip to your second favorite place in this large and beautiful home. The library. Reading will help me clear my thoughts and think about this logically, you silently decide. Because fucking hell I think I am in love with him and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose his friendship.

You very carefully slide out of bed, away from Ez’s warmth, already missing him, which just adds to the logic of your decision to go to the library. You quickly scribble a note for him on a spare piece of paper and stick it on his nightstand. Then you’re silently off into the slowly brightening house.

You make your way downstairs and quickly follow the well-memorized path to the library and quietly open the door. You’ve been coming to this particular room since you were a kid. It’s a magnificent space, filled from floor to ceiling with books. There’s even multiple floors with fun little ladders and staircases to use to get to the upper ones. It’s a book-lovers dream.

You find a pile of books on the center of the table, all covering the area of Shurima Ez was in, and many of them specifically covering tombs, both discovered and legend. You realize this must be the pile of manuscripts he used as research for his last expedition. You can’t help but wonder if there’s anything in there that explains why Ez specifically saw you in that one trap. You’re alone with these texts, so you might as well look.

You bring the pile of books with you to place on a side table situated next to a plush arm chair. You curl up in the chair with your knees drawn up for you to rest your book on. You select the first book from the top of the pile. It’s an old leather bound journal, a predecessor to the type of journal you know Ezreal takes his notes in. You slowly start flipping through the pages, but it isn’t long before your thoughts completely distract you from your intended task.

Am I sure I want to know the answer? What if it’s nothing? What if the curse just shows a random friend the person entering is close to? I’m going to emotionally hurt myself. And for what? I know what will happen if I tell him. He doesn’t feel the same way. I remember what he said a year and a half ago. He didn’t want any further feelings involved than what our friendship is. Not to mention I told him dating him would drive me absolutely insane. It’s one of the reasons he suggested this arrangement in the first place. If I tell him? All of this will be finished. Certainly no more physical things with him, which is probably for the best at this point because emotions are involved. But now? This friendship has crossed a line that can’t be undone. Fuck, can we even save it? Have I doomed myself to lose my best friend?

As your mind keep racing, everything eventually becomes too much, especially the thought of losing Ezreal as even a friend. That is just unbearable to ponder. You never wanted to push your best friend away, but even with these fears racing through your mind, you know you have to tell him. You've never lied to him before and you won't start now about something so important.

I’ll tell him today, you decide. I just need to go pack up my things so I can leave and save my dignity after what is sure to be a horrifically awkward conversation. You set the book down and put your head in your hands as the worst case scenarios keep flashing through your mind.

Before you can stop yourself, you feel tears start rolling down your cheeks. You try to control your breathing as a lump forms in your throat but your efforts are futile. Eventually a soft sob makes its way out, followed by a louder one and then another until you’re just having a full break down. You sob brokenheartedly into your hands as you realize what a terrible, terrible mistake you’ve made. You’re sobbing so much that you don’t even hear the library door eventually quietly open behind you.

A warm hand lands on your shoulder and a sleepy voice filled with alarm sounds softly next to you, “(Y/N)?? (Y/N) holy fuck, what happened? Tell me what’s going on, princess. Are you hurt? (Y/N), look at me. Angel, please look at me. What’s going on?? Why are you crying?”

You look to the side where the voice is coming from, meeting the extremely sleepy and very concerned gaze of Ezreal who is kneeling next to your chair. He looks so genuinely worried, which is so uncharacteristic for him, and he’s so gentle as he hugs you close to him. It just makes you cry harder as you cling to his t-shirt. This is what you’re going to lose because your own emotions betrayed your logic.

Ezreal just hugs you tightly and rubs your back until you’ve calmed down significantly. Then he moves another arm chair so it’s next to yours, angles it towards yours, and takes your hand once he sits. “(Y/N)…please tell me what’s going on…” he says as his thumb rubs soothingly over your knuckles.

You sniff and wipe your eyes with a handkerchief he manages to find and give to you. “Ezreal we need to talk. Something’s happened…” you trail off as more tears start streaming down your cheeks and another sob escapes.

He gently squeezes your hand. “(Y/N) please tell me what’s happened. Whatever it is. I want to help, princess, always. Have I done something wrong? You seemed to cry harder when you saw me..if I did something please, please tell me. I’ve never seen you like this before, and that’s saying something because I’ve seen you cry about many things over the time we’ve known each other,” his voice is practically a soft beg as he frets over you. “Are you hurt? Are you sick??” His face pales and he momentarily pauses as it’s clear a thought crosses his mind. “(Y/N), y-you’re not p-pregnant, right? I hope you w-wouldn’t be afraid to tell me if you were, even though t-that would…uh c-certainly be a b-big thing.”

His reaction to the idea brings a wry little smile to your face as you watch him. “No, I’m definitely not pregnant, Ezreal. First of all, you and I are both incredibly careful, and secondly, if I somehow was, I’d never hide that from you. That would be a terrible thing for me to do,” you reassure him softly.

You notice him relax a bit. “Ok, so you’re not pregnant. Then what is it? What has you so upset?” He asks curiously.

“Maybe I should stop and start confessing.”

“I don’t know how to tell you this and I don’t know what to do, Ez,” you let out on a sigh. “You know the eight rules we laid out when we started sleeping together a year and a half ago? Your four and my four?”

He confirms with a nod and a soft “yes I remember.”

“Well…I promised you when we were kids that I’d never lie to you, right? So I should just go ahead and tell you. So…I realized very recently…like extremely recently, that…that I’ve gone and broken my own rule number four…” you admit, your voice getting quieter and quieter as your anxiety grows. You look up at him and bite your lower lip as you wait for him to realize that particular rule is, “No falling in love with each other.”

“Your rule number four,” he whispers more so to himself than to you as he thinks. You can pinpoint his exact moment of realization. He suddenly freezes, his eyes going wide as he looks at you. Besides his wide eyes, you really can’t tell what he’s thinking and it frightens you.

“(Y/N)…your rule number four…” he murmurs slowly, as if making sure he’s not mistaken.

You flinch a little and look down into your lap. “Yup. Somewhere along the line, it seems I’ve fallen in love with you.” You look back up at him and give him a sad little smile. “It’s ok Ez. You don’t have to say anything. I know you don’t feel the same. Why would you? You very clearly said you didn’t want deeper feelings involved than our friendship. I’ve already accepted that. I understand your reasons and I respect them. I think if we end our physical relationship now, I can move on and not lose you completely. My own silly emotions are putting my most treasured friendship at risk and I’ll be completely honest, I’m terrified. I can’t lose having you in my life, Ez. I just can’t. That would kill me,” you know you’re rambling at this point but you can’t help it. Your anxiety over all this is just causing you to word vomit.

Ez comes over and hugs you tightly. “You won’t lose me, (Y/N). First of all, you’ve been my best friend, my partner-in-crime, hell, my person, for almost 20 years. I’m certainly not about to just throw two decades out the window. Secondly, why do you think you know what I’ll say, princess? I’m a different man than I was a year and a half ago. Hell, I’m a far different man than I was two months ago.” He steps back and looks down at you.

You look up at him as your eyes fill with tears again, softly begging, “Ez, please don’t. Don’t do this to me. Don’t give me false hope. I know you’re not cruel. Just tell me no. Tell me no so I can move on. Don’t let me make a fucking fool of myself, Ezreal.”

His voice is gentle, but firm, “(Y/N). Stop. Please stop so I can say what I need to say. You told me what you needed to tell me. Well funny enough, there’s something I need to tell you, too.” He grabs one of the books you were reading and flips to a pre-marked page, quickly scanning it.

Once he finds what he’s looking for, he lays the book on the side table next to you and points to a specific section. “(Y/N) read this page. Please. Especially the third paragraph down. It’s about the curse. It explains why I saw you specifically and not someone else,” he says as he sits back down in the chair next to you.

As you read that page, out of the corner of your eye you see him continue to open other sources to the pages you assume correspond to the Tomb of the Fallen Lovers. You turn your focus on what he wants you to read. The delicate and well-worn page of the ancient journal discusses the different known traps of that specific tomb.

The section he pointed out specifically covers the illusion trap. You focus on the words intently as your curiosity spikes. “Those who enter the tomb will see the one they romantically love most tortured, just as the king saw happen to his beloved queen. Believed to do so in order to most effectively break the will of the person who enters by making it seem like they failed to keep the person in their heart safe.”

You quickly look up at Ezreal. “Ez?” You ask quietly.

Ezreal just nods and pushes the other books in front of you. “Read these too. I’ve marked relevant passages. I know you. You do research. You like sources. You want proof. Here is your academic proof from first and second-hand historical accounts, princess. Read,” he says, using a voice you know very well. It’s a voice he uses in the bedroom often with you. It’s affectionate and gentle, but it’s still undoubtably commanding.

You find yourself almost scrambling to obey him, just as you have the other lovely times in your life he’s used that voice on you. You pull each of the books closer and read where he’s marked. They also say the same thing. You see the person you love the most romantically in the illusion. After finally finishing the last page he marked, you look back up at him with wide eyes, almost trembling a little bit as you still struggle to fully believe what you’ve just read.

You murmur, “You said at Hoskel’s party that it was just a general loved one that people saw. You didn’t mention romantic love. Ez? Is this true?”

He pauses for a moment and then nods. “It is. When I went in, I didn’t think I’d see anyone. A year and a half ago, I told you that I didn’t need deeper feelings in my life beyond what already existed in our friendship. I didn’t think the trap would work on me because I didn’t think I “loved” anyone like that. Then I saw you in that trap and it felt like my heart stopped beating,” he says, pausing to take a breath as if steeling himself to remember what came next.

After a moment, he continues, “The absolute terror that went through me the moment I heard your voice and saw you in that illusion. The fury I felt towards those I saw hurting you in the illusion. The pure anguish I felt when I couldn’t save you…it was as if the world went dark in my eyes. When I told you last night a life without you wasn’t living to me, I meant every single word. I had a glimpse of what that would be and feel like. I was in hell thinking I didn’t have you in my life anymore. I was in the deepest parts of hell until I finally remembered you were still here in Piltover, perfectly safe. I’m not sure I can properly express how fucking relieved I was to realize it was just an illusion. It was like taking a first breath of air after thinking you’re drowning.”

He sighs and runs his hands through his hair before looking into your eyes as he talks, “That’s when I realized I’d been completely lying to myself. Turns out I also broke your rule number four. I’m so in love with you, (Y/N). I’ve just been trying to work up the courage to tell you. Believe it or not, I also didn’t want to fuck up our friendship. Having you in my life means everything to me. I didn’t think you felt the same way. Why would you? A year and a half ago you said dating me would be a one way express ticket to driving yourself insane. The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause you unhappiness. So I just….tried to hide my feelings. Or I suppose I just loved you silently, in the small ways, by doing small things. Taking care of you and trying to make you happy because doing so makes me happy.”

You can’t help but melt at how sincere he looks. Your voice is soft, “Oh Ez…so that’s why you’ve been so sweet lately. Well you do make me very happy. Seeing your sweet side also made me very happy, but it was just all so confusing once I realized I didn’t see you as just a friend anymore.” You reach over and gently cup his cheek, smiling softly at how he eagerly leans into your touch, turning his head and kissing your palm softly.

Your thumb rubs his cheekbone as you muse, “I had my realization at Hoskel’s party last night. It’s why I got so distracted and tensed up while we were dancing. My feet were actually starting to hurt, so I didn’t lie about that, but it was the other realization that made me so physically anxious. I realized I’ve been falling in love with you for a while and that I was well and truly sunk. I didn’t know what to do because I didn’t believe there was any way you felt the same. The very last thing I wanted to do was push you away, but I knew I couldn’t lie to you or not tell you.”

Ez stands and opens his arms for a hug. You gladly jump up from your chair and walk directly into his waiting embrace. As he wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, you nuzzle his neck and let out a happy sniff, a few more tears trickling out.

“I hope those are happy tears I feel, Angel,” he murmurs. He then chuckles softly as he feels you nod. Both of you just stand there, holding each other tightly for a minute as these new revelations sink in for both of you.

Eventually, you have a thought that breaks the idyllic joy of the moment, and you have to voice it. “Ezreal…there’s still stuff we need to talk about,” you murmur quietly. “What are we going to do? We love each other, yes, and that makes me so damn happy. However, your career…you’re gone so often a-and for so l-long. It s-sucks when you’re gone. I miss you so t-terribly, but I’d never ask you to stop exploring and adventuring. It’s your passion. Your drive. You’re so damn good at it. If I asked you to give it up, I fear you’d come to regret me. That’s something I couldn’t bear…”

“I'll pay the price, I'll sacrifice; That's on my love, yeah”

He nods and kisses your cheek. “You’re right baby, this is something we must talk about,” he replies, thinking for just a moment. “How about some compromising? Love is compromise and communication, right? Occasionally you should take some time off and come with me. It’s fun! I won’t make you go into any cursed or trap-filled places. In fact I definitely would rather you didn’t. I want you safe. This way though, you’d at least be there, and it wouldn’t be as terrible for either of us since we’re together. I’m researching some potential smaller expeditions closer by that would be perfect.”

You think for a moment before smiling and nodding, liking the idea. “You know I love history, especially ancient history. I’ve always been jealous you get to see these incredible sites, so it would be amazing if I got the chance to see some myself,” you reply.

He smiles and kisses your forehead before murmuring, “I do know and I’ve always wanted to show them to you and see your face light up as you see the history in front of you. As for my compromise, when I do come home, I’ll stay home longer in between expeditions. Either I’ll stay enough time to match the length of the expedition, or at least 3 months, whichever is longer. I say at least 3 months because believe it or not, it’s really hard to leave you, you know. I hate leaving you. So I may not even want to leave here after 3 months to go travel,” he concedes.

You tighten your arms around him and smile a little. “I’ll certainly do my best to make you not want to go. I hate it when you leave me, even though I know you’re doing incredible things and I’m wildly proud of you. You’re amazing, truly,” you say.

Ez leans forward and kisses your forehead, murmuring against your skin, “This way I’ll have more time with you between expeditions. It’ll also give me more time to better research the locations I’m going. I sometimes wing it more often than I probably should.” You can feel him flinch a little as he admits this to you.

You just let out a teary laugh and nuzzle his cheek. “Fucking hell, Ezreal! Don’t tell me that. That will just make me worry more. I do like these compromises, though. I think traveling together might be fun! Or we’ll kill each other, but hey that’s part of the excitement,” you let out on a giggle. You take a breath before continuing, “and knowing I get more time with you here at home makes me very very happy.”

He smiles. “It makes me very happy too. I’ll also give you a key to the house and tell my uncle you’re welcome to it while I’m here or away. I know you enjoy wearing my clothes because they smell like me, yeah? I might as well give you the chance to steal some whenever you want.” He gently smirks at you.

You blush deeply and hide against his shoulder again as you nod. “Y-yes please. It’s extremely comforting to have something of yours when you’re gone. Are you sure your uncle would be alright with me having a key? I wouldn’t want to be a bother” You look back up and meet his gaze.

“I truly don’t think he’ll have an issue with that. He knows we’re close. He’s always been fond of you since you manage to keep me mostly in line. He likes to say you’ve done ‘a hell of a job protecting this family’s name and reputation.’” Ez’s smirk widens.

You can’t help but giggle. “I certainly try my best to keep you respectable, that’s for sure. But, that sounds good. As long as he doesn’t have an issue with it.” You smile softly at him. “And hey, maybe I could have dinner with him every now and then while you’re away. Or we could have dinner with him when you’re here. As much as the two of you don’t see eye-to-eye, he is your family, Ez, and I do want to get to know him better.”

His eyes soften. “I’ll talk to him about it. I know how important family is to you.”

You nod and softly murmur, “It means so much to me. And it will continue to mean so much to me as I continue into the future.”

Ez smiles and turns ever so slightly pink. “Speaking of the future..this is a long way away, but if, somewhere in the future, we…” his voice trails off and he blushes more, his voice shy as he continues, “..well, i-if our relationship goes to the next step and we e-eventually want to start a f-family of our o-own, I’m h-happy to adjust my e-expedition timelines even more.” He kisses your forehead.

Your eyes widen and you turn bright pink as you process what he says.

He murmurs against your forehead. “I love my parents, and I know they love me. Every day I hope they’ll come home, now more than ever so they can see you, see how you’ve grown up since we were little, and see how much I absolutely adore you. Both of them always liked you, you know, especially my mother. She’d be absolutely thrilled with this development,” he says, grinning.

You kiss his cheek and smile. “All my memories of your parents are fond ones, Ez. They were always so lovely to me.”

He lets out a sigh as he holds you closer. “My one regret, though, is how often and how long they were both gone. How much of my childhood it seems like they missed. I-I want to do things differently when I have a family of my own,” he admits to you. He seems to realize even more what he’s saying and he blushes even more, smiling at you shyly. “I apologize, I’m getting way far ahead of myself. Do you even want kids? It’s alright if you don’t. They’re not a necessity for me. Pets are fine too,” he rushes to add.

You giggle softly and gently peck his lips. “I have been thinking about getting a cat lately. I wouldn’t mind having kids, though, but only if they’re yours, Indiana Jones. I want to see you with a daughter, actually. Especially one with your eyes. I think that would be very cute,” you muse, picturing the adorable scene of future him playing with a little girl who has his golden hair and blue eyes. “But that’s not something we need to rush into. I’m happy to wait a while on that. We have time.”

He nods, his face lit up, before he rests his forehead against yours. “I agree, though I hope any kids we do have get your eyes, not mine. But you’re right. We’re young and we have plenty of time to make that decision if and when we’re ready for it. God I’m just so happy…” he murmurs, and you can hear the genuine joy in his voice. “(Y/N), I’m going to kiss you now. Like really kiss you. Is that alright?

You beam as you already start to pull him closer. “Of course, Ez…please do,” you murmur back happily.

You thread your hands in his hair as he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you against him. Before you know it, he’s kissing you completely breathless. His lips are fervent and his kiss is filled with so much emotion that once again, he has your legs going a little weak. He’s quite talented at making them do that at this point. You kiss him back in kind. Your lips move slowly against one another’s and it’s not until a few long moment later that you pull away slightly in order to catch your breath and slow your racing heart.

He rests his forehead against yours and looks you in the eyes as one of his hands moves to lace with one of yours. The love you see in his expression nearly undoes you. His gentle gaze travels over every bit of your face, as if memorizing how you look in this very moment. “God you’re perfect…and I love you so damn much,” he murmurs, his soft voice full of emotion.

You smile, blush, and cup his jaw with your free hand, murmuring back, “And I love you, Ezreal. So very much. So what do you say? Let’s officially end our best friends with benefits arrangement and start an actual relationship? With dates and cheesy shit?”

He grins and nods. “Absolutely, princess. Although let’s be honest with each other, we were sort of already doing dates and cheesy shit, both of us were just in wild denial about it,” he says, a touch of humor coloring his voice.

You smile as you blush even more. “Now that I think about it, you’re right. We were basically a couple in every way but name.” You giggle.

His expression softens as he continues, “Let’s make one thing very clear though,” he gently kisses your forehead. “You’ll always be my very best friend. I just also happen to be very in love with you.”

You smile and murmur, “I couldn’t have worded it better myself.” You sigh and close your eyes. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone in bed this morning…I just…I got overwhelmed and needed to try and sort all of this out in my head.”

Ez kisses you softly. “It’s alright baby, I understand. This is an excellent spot to think in. But now that we’ve figured it all out….please come back to bed with me?”

“You take all my inhibitions. Baby, there’s nothing holding me back.”

You sigh again, this time happily, and let out a breathless giggle as his lips move to start traversing along your jaw and throat. As he does so, his hands grip your hips to keep you close to him.

“You and your ability to turn me into god damn putty. How could I refuse such a lovely and polite request. I’m in love with such a gentleman,” you playfully say. You smirk as you feel his fingers dig into your hips a little bit more.

Before you can even register what’s happening, you’re looking down at Ezreal’s returning smirk as he carries you out of the library.

You let out a gasp and instinctively wraps your legs around his waist, causing his smirk to widen. “Ezreal!” You exclaim on a delighted laugh.

He just chuckles in return. “Do you think anyone will be surprised we’ve gotten together?”

You can’t help but blush. “I don’t think my family will be very surprised, considering their suspicions regarding the hickeys you left on me. What about your uncle? Will he be shocked?”

He grins and shakes his head. “Probably not, to be honest. As I said, he knows we’re close. I’m sure he’s had his own suspicions over the years.”

“I’m curious if other people outside of our families suspect something. Based on Hoskel’s words last night as we were leaving…well it seems like everyone but us knew,” you giggle as you play with his hair.

“They don’t know for sure though. We could have some fun with them,” he says as his expression turns mischievous.

Your eyebrows go up at the suggestion. “You really think we could control the narrative for a while? As soon as there’s a whiff of a rumor, you know they’ll jump on it,” you murmur.

He leans up and nips your jaw before pulling back and grinning at your soft whine. “I know you hate being the center of society’s attention. Why not keep our happiness to ourselves for a little longer? Though I’m not going to deny our relationship if someone asks us directly, of course. I’ll be quite happy to be known as yours.”

You blush happily and kiss his cheek. “So considerate. And I’m very happy being publicly known as yours too. But I do like the idea of keeping things low-key for now. Let’s do it. Let’s cause some eventual chaos for the vultures.”

Ez sets you down on the bed so you’re sitting at the edge, while he’s still standing between your legs. You take the chance to lower your arms and slide your hands back up under his shirt. His head tilts back in a happy sigh.

“‘Cause chaos?’ You weren’t kidding earlier this morning, Angel. I really have corrupted you a little bit,” he chuckles.

You smirk and gently pull his shirt collar down so his face is level with yours. “Only you know how much though.” You wink at him. “After so many years with you, I suppose ‘lady in the streets, freak in the sheets,’ is the energy I’ve been going for. Since you’re the only one who has seen me and will see me in both settings, have I been successful at it?” Your smirk widens as your question causes his eyes to darken.

He lays you back and crawls over you, leaving a trail of kisses random places on the way up. He pauses so his lips are right above yours as he murmurs, “My love, you’ve succeeded at that goal just as you’ve done everything else you’ve set out to do. With excellence.”

Your face lights up as he calls you “my love.”

Ez smiles gently and pecks your lips. “What is it, princess?”

You blush happily as you look up at him. “Say it again. Call me your love again.”

His grin grows. “Do you like pet names, my love? I had no idea.” His voice is dripping with playful sarcasm as he winks back at you.

You laugh and gently swat his shoulder. “Bullshit, Ezreal. You might have started calling me “princess” when we were kids, but you certainly don’t mean it innocently anymore. And you know I know that.”

His grin shifts to a smirk as you talk. “I will neither confirm nor deny I had this knowledge. Do I have permission to call you pet names?”

You lean up and kiss him, murmuring, “Permission enthusiastically granted as long as I may call you more pet names in return.”

He nips your bottom lip before his lips travel to your right ear. His voice is like a low purr as he murmurs, “Absolutely, princess. Call me whatever you want. I just want to be yours.”

You sigh happily and turn your head so you can kiss him, your hands starting to tug his shirt up his back. “When you said come back to bed, handsome, I figured we’d be going to sleep again,” you tease.

“Didn’t you say earlier this morning that I’m your favorite sleep aid? That my methods make you feel the best? What sort of partner would I be if I didn’t make myself useful for you? As I’ve said before, happy to be of service, my princess. Thrilled you could even say. Shall I figure out the proper dosage to help you fall asleep?” he teases back smugly. His calmer voice is very much at odds with his actions as he practically tears his shirt off in his eagerness.

You grin widely at him. “Sounds great to me. Thank goodness I have such a caring boyfriend who is so concerned about me getting the rest I need.” Your voice is very playful as your hands rest on his now-bare chest.

His face lights up brightly as you call him your boyfriend. He leans down again and kisses you hungrily for a moment before pushing back up and grinning down at you.

“Now, Ez, you know I’m a person of science. So tell me, what method are you trying first?” Your eyebrows go up and you bite your lip as you gently start to move a hand down his chest.

Ez leans down and nibbles along your collarbone, causing you to gasp softly. “You know, it is breakfast time…and oh! Looks like I have my favorite meal under me. What a coincidence, hrm?” He murmurs against your skin before looking up at you while one of his hands travels to your thigh and gently traces shapes into the soft skin. He winks, causing your cheeks to go bright red.

It’s amazing how easily he can fluster you. “Well how convenient for you! I believe it’s always nice to really take your time and savor your favorite meal…after you quickly start enjoying it, that is,” you whisper breathlessly.

“Great minds think alike, Angel,” he murmur. He pushes up the shirt of his you’re wearing to expose your stomach so he can lean down and start leaving marks. “So you’re amenable to me having ‘breakfast’ then?”

“Yes, Ezreal. Now, please.” You can definitely hear the impatience in your voice as you gently use your nails to scratch lightly along his scalp. “A preemptive ‘thank you for making me see stars,’ Indiana Jones.”

He leans back up and kisses you deeply again for a moment before smirking and whispering against your lips, “And a preemptive ‘sweet dreams’ for you, my princess.”

Then he starts kissing back down your body and well, let's be honest, it really doesn’t take too long for you to get to enjoy your sweet dreams of him.

EPILOGUE

“If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark; I know we’d be alright, I know we would be alright.”

(Five months later)

“Are you ready, princess? We’re almost there,” Ezreal’s soft voice fills the small carriage the two of you are traveling in. Though, unlike the last time you traveled to Councilor Hoskel’s mansion, where you were sat next to him on the bench of the carriage, this time you’re happily settled in a much more preferable position. You’re on Ez’s lap, nuzzling his cheek. He’d just returned from another 2-month-long expedition a couple days ago and both of you just couldn’t get enough of being in each other’s arms again. You're sure everyone is sick of the two of you, but you really can't find two fucks to give. Your favorite person is finally home again.

You gently pull back and smile at him, nodding. “I suppose so,” you say. "Though I'd much rather be a little selfish and have you to myself tonight, if I'm being honest."

Ez tilts his head and smirks widely at you before pecking your lips. "I assure you, the feeling is entirely mutual, baby, but my uncle and your family are coming this time and we promised them we'd attend. I'd rather not have them hunt us down to make sure everything is alright," he murmurs affectionately.

You smile as you think about your family and his uncle. You both told them about your new relationship status first. As predicted, none of them were shocked in the very slightest. The nerve-wracking part was over. Then it was time to have a little fun with everyone else.

The fun part came at the next society event Ez was invited to, a couple weeks after the original event at Hoskel’s. You and him coordinated outfits to match colors, your dress to the vest he wore under his suit jacket. This was just cute, classic, and easy thing to do but boy did tongues wag. You’d been his plus one for years, but the two of you never coordinated colors so precisely before now. The fact you did had rumors flying from the moment you and him stepped into the event space.

A month after that, there was also the much less subtle incident involving a lipstick print on the side of his jaw neither of you realized was there. It obviously matched your lipstick color of choice for the evening. The gossip reporters and photographers had an absolute field day with that one. You’d never felt so mortified, but Ez reassured you, through the power of many cuddles and kisses, that it was completely fine. He reasoned that it just ripped the band aid off letting everyone else know. Besides, he was ecstatic to be widely known as yours.

Thankfully, now you can look back on it and laugh. It was pretty funny in hindsight, and it definitely confirmed everyone’s pretty strong suspicions at that point that the two of you were together. If anything it made things easier since you didn’t have to hide your small moments of public affection with him anymore.

“You know I’ll always be proud to be by your side, right, Indiana Jones? Because I am incredibly proud of you and I love you very much,” you say.

“I know that and I’m very honored to be worthy of your love, (Y/N). I love you too.” Ezreal says, pecking your lips as the carriage slows. “Ready to face your adoring public again, princess?”

You giggle and take his hand, squeezing gently as you wink at him. “Absolutely! With you, Ez, I’m ready to face anything.”

And there we go! The end! I was finally able to sit and finish my edits. Thank you long weekend! And thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! As I mentioned at the end of chapter 2, this probably won't be the end of works in this universe. I'm in Ezreal brainrot at the moment (I blame the heavenscale skin splash arts. Obsessed with how Ez looks for both his regular and prestige skins).😅

[galacticstarjump]

Got my ass handed to me in ranked zero builds so

I think it’s time to finally write my Madoka magica movie four theory thoughts

MxSquibby's Walpurgisnacht Rising theory thoughts

(Thoughts are based off my knowledge of the franchise so I could be missing vital info)

I think the big premise for this movie is showing off Walpurgisnacht’s lore or some info about her. and like usual she is going to disrupt Homura’s wish. Or In this case her world and probably force homura to make a choice.

by the logic of Homura’s wish.

Three peoples karmic destiny should have been cranked up to a billion since the timelines always converged the most around 3 people.

Madoka(who the wish was for) and her amount karmic destiny is why she was able to make the ultimate wish and become the law of cycles for magical girl kind.

Homura (who made the wish) increased her own amount of karmic destiny which is why she was able to split apart Madoka (and take her memories?) and rewrite the universe to her liking which essentially just what she did in her labyrinth, but with more production value and can change the entire universe and not limited within the confines of her labyrinth and witch magic.

I’m guessing Homura’s got Madoka in what I like to call “The Good Place Season 2”

Which light spoilers for that show ahead but

One of the main characters, Michael, traps Eleanor and the other humans within a time loop. Erasing their memories every time Eleanor figures out what Michael is doing to them. Repeating this over and over. Over 800(0?) times, with each time him slightly tweaking and changing things to try and get a different outcome of her not figuring it out.

I think this what Homura’s doing to an extent. We saw at the end of rebellion, how fragile Homura’s hold on Madoka’s memories was. However all homura really has to do is ground Madoka back down to homura’s rewritten reality and since a part of Madoka does want to stay on earth and live a normal life this helps her forget easily of her god hood. However this very fact is what will always make her remember in the end. If madoka truly starts to enjoy her life on earth, She knows deep in her SOUL that she sacrificed her normal human life for a cosmic duty of Saving magical girls so anytime she thinks to hard about it or just kind of realizes she should only being viewing the lives of normal people not interacting with them she will start to remember and become magical girl god again but homura will just grab her again and reset her memories and then rewrite the timeline. Starting once again… essentially... ANOTHER TIME LOOP. Homura’s favorite thing 😂😭

And I’m guessing Homura’s got to do this a lot. Like hundreds of times. And if sayakas around during one these moments she sure as hell is also going to remember homura being a “devil” so homura will have no choice but to rewrite the timeline again and again. With each time she’s most likely going to make slight changes to the world in attempt to make Madoka not remember. I think it’s why she remembers so easily at first. It was waaaay to similar to the thousands of timelines her and homura lived through (ultimate Madoka is aware of all the timeloops homura and her went through so following that similar time loop structure will probably make her remember faster so Homura is going to start changing things. Which is whyyy we see the girls in different costumes at one point in the trailer. (I think this is why in that old ass concept trailer we saw Madoka being a ballerina, one to resemble Madoka just being part of Homura’s elaborate play now but to show her trying normal human things. Homura's going to help her find her human dreams. Maybe madoka wanted to be a dancer. Then after that fails Homura probaby thinks if she can find a perfect scenario where Madoka find some sense of self on earth maybe she will stop remembering her godhood. Maybe Homura can finally live a full human life with her and watch her grow. Maybe Madoka being a dancer, a painter, a musician, a celebrity. Something right? Will stop Madoka from reaching her magical girl potential. Homura’s so obsessed with giving Madoka the life she shouldn’t have had to sacrifice. So she will try over and over to make her happy. To find the one scenario...timeline if you will, where Madoka will be truly happy within her rewritten world.

Which will be a fun way to show the girls in different scenarios that we usually wouldn’t see them in. So like cool new costumes!!! Like cool bandage sayaka is just one of Homura’s AU’s or a by product of one of the new timelines she has rewritten. And sayaka is probably going to have a bigger part. Idk why I just feeeel it. She has special secretary powers. I believe in her. We saw all that special treatment they gave her in S2E1 of the anime timeline of magia record. Bitches love Sayaka. And like Bebe also has secretary powers I guess lol. But she just wants to hangout with mami and eat cheeeeeeese (yoooo plagg and bebe would be besties)

but This movie is just explaining the 3rd girl who’s karmic destiny was increased by this wish and then background info cause we know like nothing about her…

Walpurgisnacht (the reason homura HAD to repeat timelines)

Walpy (for short) is going to put an end to this loop homura and Madoka are trapped in. Or at least change or add to it.

what is concerning is that Walpy’s karmic destiny was already extremely high to begin with for her to end up looking like that. So logically she should be stronger than devil homura, and the only reason she isn’t stronger than ultimate Madoka is because of the wish of Ultimate Madoka made to erase witches. But since madoka’s slightly nerfed at the moment trapped in Homura’s rewritten reality, no one’s actively checking on the law of cycles. Sure girls don’t turn into witches but without Madoka actively monitoring the cycle this might have given some version of Walpy enough time or power to form or to come back and interfere. So I’m guessing homura might have to choose between keeping her time loop safe (and live her fantasy life with madoka) or let Madoka out so she can defeat Walpurgisnacht from destroying the universe homura has tried gone so far to get control of…. Cause homura, at least historically can not beat Walpy lol. So i'm guessing Walpy will always come back to cause universal destruction unless madoka is back. So will Homura be able to let go of her love for sake of the universe? a choice between keeping her love down on earth with her or letting her go and accepting that she’s nothing more than a universal concept. But like Homura’s crafty. She could weasel her way out of this

I will say a crack in this theory is from my own understanding that Walpy is made up of many magical girls? So either we are dealing with many girls coming in or some fusion magical girl perhaps? Or I guess just one of the girls from Walpy would do right? Perhaps the first girl? Though we don’t know if this was an individual wish, and then she absorbed other magical girls/witches or like a group wish? Kind of like the hospital trio. Like you can do a group wishes I suppose.

ALSO another addition to my thoughts. Homura isn’t the Antagonist. Should state that. Kyubey is. And like i haven’t even talked about this fucker yet. (Well in terms of the franchise as a whole, guessing for movie 4 Walpy is our more traditinal antagonist (She also probably takes the form of homura at first to fuck with her, Why we see two homura's in the Movie Poster but thats just a theory lol) but He? little rat noy. Within Homura’s new world order. He’s Most likely just collecting all despair and probably just collecting and suffering with the weight of all negative human emotions and curses within a labyrinth. Like. She probably just making him and the hive mind know what it’s life to feel emotions, specifically all those negative ones you’ve been putting magical girls through for hundreds of years. But like he could be up to some fuck shit. He technically is like a robot made by an alien race, right? So like they could finally pull up on us or something and be like “what have you done to my robo rat sons, you fucks”

But anyway I’m rambling a bit now but homura isn't the antagonist because she pulls Madoka from the law of cycles for a multitude of reasons, she states it’s for her love for Madoka. Which yes that is true but homura also understands Madoka should have never had to make this wish. The flower field scene conversation in rebellion is what makes homura realize this. Madoka is a normal girl, she just never got the time to figure herself out or to figure out normal human dreams. She was a young naive girl, where in many timelines used her wish to save a cat or make a cake. Because at first glance being a magical girl is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you don’t pass up. So she never got a shot at a real life when she should have. Madoka never wanted to leave behind her friends and family. She loves them. Like the girl don’t got much That’s like one of her core traits, she loves her friends, is a great daughter, and a great big sister, love cute things, is pink like 😭😭 But Madoka was just another cog in the magical girl machine but because of Homura’s wish it gave a Madoka a chance to look at the whole machine and see what the fuck has been going on. So Madoka, with no real dreams or goals, but is given the opportunity and explicitly told by the evil rat himself that she could make literally ANY wish. So when she sees everything and realizes she has the unique opportunity to save all magical girl kind from their souls being tortured for all eternity until murdered by another magical girl well no shit she HAS to make this wish. She doesn’t have any other choice in her eyes. To badly paraphrase Kyoko. "Something something if you have a loving family and good food on the table why on earth would you sacrifice that to be a magical girl? but who knows maybe one day you’ll be backed into a corner and you’ll HAVE to make a wish. If that day comes something something I guess i can approve of you being a magical lass"

So like. Is it fair? Ya know. All this is Kyubey and some alien race’s fault. Why should these girls have to suffer because of him. Who cares about the heat death of the universe. Let it burn, because if torturing magical girls is the only way of keeping it alive then fuck the universe. Like Madoka shouldn’t have to sacrifice her human life to save all these girls from suffering because they shouldn’t be suffering. They shouldn’t be turning into witches. Like 😭 and homura doesn’t think it’s fair that Madoka should be the one to make this sacrifice to save magical girls because Madoka wouldn’t have even been able to make the ultimate wish if not for homura’s wish but like also homura shouldn’t have been turned into a magical girl herself like it’s all fucked and idk what the end would even look like?

So Like a happy ending would be getting revenge on the RAT kyubey… and like idk. I don’t think that’s happening. Like if you want a happy ending for these girls I believe it falls within our little anomaly timeline. Which I like to believe the magia record game timeline is held within a phone. (Cause get it, it’s like a gacha game we play on our phones lol.) and when Madoka touched the anomaly timeline at the end of arc 1? Now the record phone screen is cracked 🫨🫨

I don’t think we’ll get a horrific or completely tragic ending but it will probably be bittersweet or mixed emotions. (Would LOVE TO BE WRONG, GIMMIE HAPPY) But also we won’t see the end end to this franchise for a hot minute lol. Like I’m pretty sure this is technically be advertised as the 4th movie. Though more like the second movie but I guess the movie versions of the anime do count I guess. Idk. The first two movies are fine, best part is just some updated animation and new yuki Kajiura tracks… but yeah i don’t think it’s the final movie.

Now what like actually happens? Fuck if I know. I’m still half expecting mayabu to find infinite iroha and make her pop in to save everyone cause idk. Is homura realllllly gonna let Madoka go. Ya know? Like she’ll probably try to control Walpy or fight her for a hot minute before even considering of letting Madoka go again.

And ALSO.

Okay I feel like I covered all my brain theories about the movie... for now… Idk if I explored or finished every thought. I know I be yapping. And I have adhd so And I can YAP about Madoka and then immediately forget where exactly I was at in my Madoka thoughts.

Imagine how more I could yap if I read the wraith arc. (It’s truly laughable how I’ve read all of arc 1 and the other story with it, most of arc 2 (I skimmed early bits so I could catch up faster, then end of arc 2 was happening and I wanted to be a cool kid and read it asap) quite a few events, and the early chapters of scene 0 (now behind lol) BUT NOT the wraith arc. And I know I could pull it up so easily lol. Hell I read the event where ui went back in time to see fart but not the wraith arc I- I read Christmas strings but i wont take my lazy butt to read manga of my fave series within like kind of main timeline. Like i know i dont need to read but I need to read it. cause having a better understanding of Ultimate Madoka's universe and how wraiths work would be cool. and maybe one of these days ill read another story but idk... Think id rather read tart or Oriko first lol

but yeah i've got to stop myself of this post will never end. I'll prpbably re-read it tomorrow and add edits lol

ALSO one last thought this is a theory I could be Super fucking wrong about everything. Like maybe sayaka looking like that cause of her secretary powers and not homura's universe rewriting at play? like there's so much i don't know haha

and again my theory could fall apart with like new info i didn't know about. there's a lot of content madoka content out there ya know

[eksvaized]

[ 𝖕𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖔𝖚𝖘 𝖔𝖇𝖘𝖊𝖘𝖘𝖎𝖔𝖓 ] — 9

>> Ghost x Reader, part TEN

>> 18+

>> this was inspired by the tv show 'you'

Simon continued to mess with his balaclava. It was constricting, and he felt as if he were running out of air. The fabric was clinging to his skin and itching, and he had to resist the urge to pull it off. 

Matt was wide awake, banging on the cell bars in the basement of the old shed, trying to get Simon’s attention and make him listen, foolishly expecting that he could talk his way out of this.

“What the hell do you want from me?!” At first, Matt was timid and sat in the corner, afraid to even raise his head. But as Simon continued to sit, be silent and do nothing, it apparently gave Matt the confidence to lash out and open his mouth. “Is it money? I’m loaded... my family is flush with cash!” He was basically ripping his hair out at that point. “Just let me out! I promise, I won’t fucking tell anyone and I’ll even pay you!”

Simon bought this property a long time ago, but he hasn’t been here in years. He used this place to control his urges. When he found himself in a mess of his own making, it allowed him to slow down, think, and figure a way out. Admittedly, most, if not all, people who found themselves in the same situation as Matt, trapped in a cell, did not get out of there alive. However, Simon wanted to believe that this time, this would end differently.

“Shut up!” Simon eventually roared, having had enough of Matt’s whining. He had been trying to unlock Matt’s phone for the past half hour, but he couldn’t figure out the passcode, and he was sick of having to wait every time his guess was incorrect. “How do I unlock your phone?”

Without hesitation, Matt blurted out a string of numbers and random letters, and once Simon typed them down, the phone unlocked. 

He started looking through it. There were two missed calls and five unread messages, but nothing looked too important, except for a text from someone named Carl (work), so Simon responded, pretending to be Matt, saying he had to take a few days off since he was not feeling well after a night out.

After that was done, he immediately went to your and Matt’s conversation, since that was essentially the main reason he had this phone. Simon wanted to know what Matt had said to you, what he had told you to make you fall at his feet. However, there were only a few texts. Most of them were from Matt, asking if you were free, if you were at home, and if he could come over.

He then clicked on the gallery. There were many pictures of Matt with a different woman by his side each time. Also, there were are two or three pictures of his dick, which Simon scoffed at, immediately trying to erase those images from his mind (and which made him grow confident, knowing there was no way he could please you with that). However, what he found next both intrigued and enraged him.

Matt has taken multiple pictures of you. In all of them, you were asleep, completely oblivious that a camera was pointed at you. If it had been Simon who had taken these pictures, he would have paused and taken a time to admire them, but knowing that Matt had captured these without your consent infuriated him. 

Simon’s grasp on the phone became so tight that he was on the verge of breaking it. He was buried so deep in his thoughts that it took a long time for Matt’s quiet voice, as he talked to himself, to reach his ears. Simon didn’t raise his head, but he paused to listen.

“...if I’d known this night was going to end like this... Fuck, I would never... ever have gone to see that b*tch and gotten drunk... I-“

“Don’t call her like that unless you want me to rip out your tongue and feed it to you.”Simon hissed. He should have kept his lips sealed, but he wasn’t going to let that jerk talk about you like that.

“Who? Y/N? She’s a bi-“ Matt was about to repeat the same mistake. Simon sprang to his feet and moved closer to the bars, his eyes darkening, trying to conceal the fury that was boiling in him. Matt got the memo and shut up; at the same time, everything connected in his mind, and everything began to make sense. “So she’s the reason I’m here? You’re some kind of bitter ex-boyfriend, aren’t you?”

Simon remained silent. He feared that if he opened his mouth, he might say something he would later regret. There was still a chance that Matt might walk out of here free and alive, so the less he knew about Simon, who was still just a masked stranger to him, the better it was.

“I don’t care about her... she’s yours! To be honest, I just reached out to her because I was curious... we used to date in high school, but she was always such a prude, and I...” 

Matt truly believed that he was doing the right thing by giving up you, allowing Simon to have you all to himself, as he promised he will disappear out of your life. His desperate speech was working. But the problem was that Matt didn’t know when to stop talking and shut up. 

“I only kept coming over because she kept inviting me. She seemed ecstatic to reunite with me… I was initially apprehensive, but after the first time we slept together, I knew I could exploit her.” He paused for a moment, taking a deep breath, and filling his lungs with air before continuing.

“I knew I could text her whenever I wanted to f*ck. She never turned me down, and whenever I came over, the night always ended with me in her bed. I let her believe I liked her, that there was a chance we may be something more in the future... all because she was fantastic in bed and made herself easy.”

Simon couldn’t take it any longer. He had enough of Matt running his mouth and talking this way about you. 

You weren’t easy, and you weren’t there for him to use anytime he wanted to shove his d*ck into someone. You were naive and innocent, believing that Matt genuinely liked you, which is why you kept seeing him.

You were too blind to recognise that Matt was taking advantage of you, and you probably won’t ever see it, but that doesn’t matter. Simon will handle this for you. He will make sure that Matt never touches you again.

Matt was holding onto the bars, standing close, his knuckles white. So it was easy for Simon to wrap his hands around his throat. Matt immediately began struggling, trying to push him away, his fingers digging into Simon’s arms, his nails clawing at his skin as he attempted to loosen the grasp and get free.

But Simon remained still; he was stronger and his hold was firm. He kept squeezing and squeezing. His dark eyes fixated on Matt’s face, as he began to run out of oxygen and strained to fill his lungs with air. His face turned blue, and his eyes began to water.

Simon was so focused on holding him tight, refusing to let go, that he didn’t notice Matt’s hands flying all over the place, or when his fingers curled around the fabric, and he pulled Simon’s mask off.

Simon’s eyes widened as he realised what had happened. Now Matt knew who he was, he knew what Simon looked like, and now he threw away his chance of getting out of this cell alive.

Before, Simon intended to kill him out of jealousy, for the way he spoke about you, for the way he treated you... but now, killing him was a necessity and Simon only stepped away from the cell when Matt’s body went limp in his hands and he dropped to the ground after he let him go.

[god-mouths]

i wanna hear about,,,, literally any of ur guys actually i love hearing abt ur guys :] if thats too vague pick me a guy and tell me about their inspirations/how you came up with their stories/designs/traits!! i think your stuff is so fascinating and i wanna know how that rotates in ur brain

OOOG…. Thank youe…. I’ve realized a few patterns in how I tell my stories lately so I do want to go over those! I’ll be using yvette my buddy my pal to demonstrate this because he’s the best example. ( later edit : Actually I have more stuff to talk about I’ll number it)

1. I’ve noticed a ton of my story material is based on how the people around us or our surroundings effect us. The cycles and whatnot. For yvette he starts out as a yellow blood and, in trying to forcefully change the oppression imposed on him from his surroundings, actually sort of just continues it by killing a close friend of his. That friend ends up haunting him. Teed hee

Idk if the pictures will come across well since I’m on mobile but to break down this specific piece the colors used on REPENT and the tapeworms in the back are actually the colors of his old psionics before he did all that mad scientist crap to change himself. OLD ART!! AUGHH AU AUGGHH

Is it a little stupid that he changes his own blood color? Yes. But homestuck as it’s own is so beyond stupid that I can do whatever I want I’m a scavenger a critter.

But by changing his blood color yvette essentially locks away his psionics (there must be something very specific to yellow blood to make the psionics work to me) siphoning them off into the trident he wields. He can’t get rid of ALL of his original blood, so the yellow just stays dormant. Should he choose to use his psionics in this new state he’s made for himself he risks fucking up his organs even further.

Anyways it takes a human child with the same exact problems as him to realize Heyyy…..maybe what I did and have been doing is a little fucked. Which it was. But it was the only thing he could have done, in his eyes, because the alternative was getting hooked up to a machine for the rest of his life.

At the end of the story (? Fan venture?) he does break out his psionics again which causes the blood to mix. He’s redeemed but he’s not nearly as cool anymore. Big bummer

2. colors always mean things more often than not in my art. I am a “why is the curtain blue” type of asshole, and I love to do it. For instance in MATSC green is for heaven and blue is for hell, but they have more than just that meaning. Green is confinement and being trapped and whatnot, while blue is freedom. Still kind of iffy on what purple means but it may mean the same as green. We’re figuring it out. In LEM I’m also still working on it, but blue is a mainly bad color there while orange is instead the signifier of good things. As for paradigm shift it’s more of a character-to-character basis. They all get their own specific colors. I loveeee colors colors colors :)

3. I LOVE writing villains. It is my personal goal with every villain I write to see how genuinely horrible I can make the villain as a person and still get people to enjoy reading them. It’s so fun, I mean it. Like the type of guy that would absolutely stump tumblr’s famous reading incomprehension. I love it I LOVE IT

4. This isn’t about my stories overall, just one, but I finally finished the first draft for act one of paradigm shift which I am PSYCHED about. I sent it out to a few people for feedback- only a select few people, though. If it were any other story I’d send it to a wider range but it is IMPERATIVE that my buddies that experienced max first hand when we were little 12 year old kids doing stupid roleplays get to see it first. They know him very well, and Vice versa. I’m so excited. (Air horns) (yippee sound!)

[itcamefromthetoybox]

You Can Run, But You Can’t Glide!

Almost everyone has seen the original “Jurassic Park,” and if you haven’t, then do yourself a favor and go watch it right now. Are you watching it? Isn’t it great? Alright, so let’s carry on. NOW almost everyone has seen the original “Jurassic Park,” and I think we can all agree that it’s glorious. My wonderful wife, knowing my love for this movie, recently got me a toy from it. So today, we’re looking at the “Jurassic Park Dr. Ian Malcolm Glider Escape Pack!”

Quick rehash about the plot of “Jurassic Park,” in case you need the refresher: a rich dude finds a way to bring back dinosaurs in modern times, which everyone tells him is a bad idea, and decides to open a theme park with them, which he cuts some important corners on. He invites a group of scientists to the park to confirm it’s safe, so that the insurance companies will sign off on it. Thanks to the aforementioned cut corners and the actions of the single IT guy who worked there (“We spared no expense” my ass), the park’s power and security craps out during a storm, trapping everyone on an island now roaming with dinosaurs, including velociraptors and a T-Rex, because bringing those back from the dead in a world where they have no natural predators was a great decision. Now, there’s some room for debate on how much of the park’s failure is from the owner cutting essential corners and pouring money into things like presentation and ice cream, and how much of it comes from intentional sabotage from the IT guy, who it’s implied put in a very low bid to get the job, but it’s my blog and I’m blaming the rich guy.

The main focus of this set is my favorite human from the franchise, Dr. Ian Malcolm, as played by the always-delightful Jeff Goldblum. Malcolm is a snarky mathematician who specializes in Chaos Theory and is brought in to mathematically predict the odds of the park going to Hell in a handbasket. Once he sees the dinosaurs in person, he quickly goes from “oh wow, the dinosaurs are alive” to “oh dear God, this is gonna be such a disaster.” Spoiler alert: he’s right, and a bunch of people die. Malcolm’s such a delight in the first movie that he was made the star of the sequel, “The Lost World: Jurassic Park,” and would go on to appear in two of the “Jurassic World” movies.

The toy we’re looking at today, “Jurassic Park Dr. Ian Malcolm Glider Escape Pack,” is part of a Target-exclusive line of “Jurassic Park” toys meant to homage the original movie toys from 1993, when the movie first came out. And the fact it came out 30 years ago makes me want to go drink and cry. The different toy sets in this line are based off the original toys, but, unlike other toylines that have done similar things, such as the “Star Wars Retro Collection” and “Transformers Vintage G1 and Beast Wars,” the figures in this line are modern toys with details and accessories inspired by the originals, instead of rereleases of the orignal figures. They’re also not modern versions of the original toys, like how Hasbro released updated versions of Greedo, a Jawa, and Obi-Wan Kenobi as part of the “Star Wars Black Series.” Instead, the sets here are original sets based off different ideas from the original line, which makes for some fun and interesting toys.

This set features Dr. Malcolm wearing a winged jetpack, which the packaging calls a glider,” and swooping in to rescue a baby dinosaur from a larger dinosaur by shooting the larger dinosaur with a gun bigger than Malcolm’s own torso. This toy takes a lot of inspiration from the original “Ian Malcolm with Launching Tranq Missile Dart” toy. The Ian Malcolm figure in this set is a smaller version of the original, with better detailing and articulation. His glider pack looks almost identical to the original’s, just with the addition of wings, and his gun’s large enough to make an NRA member feel emasculated. He’s even got a large, translucent green missile, which is very similar to the original figure’s missile, just without the grey part the original’s missile had. In terms of being a solid homage to the original, this toy passes with flying colors. Plus, I do really like how the figure took a lot of inspiration from the original and then added on. It’s not the same toy from ’93 and successfully stands on its own, but you can still see where it took from that first toy. It’s a successful modernization of a toy from the early 90’s.

Not pictured: me desperately trying to clean all this before my wife needed to sit down.

Ian Malcolm himself is really articulated. He’s got articulation in his head, shoulders, elbows, legs, and knees, which makes for a lot of fun posing. In terms of looks, he’s fantastic. The sculpting is really on point with this toy. There’s a few buttons undone on his shirt, his clothes have some wrinkles, and even his boots have a lot of sculpted details. Where he really shines, though, is his head. His head does a terrific job of capturing the character from the big screen, from the rocker hair to the cocky smirk. One detail I especially love is what was done with his eyes. Malcolm has eyes behind his glasses, which are a separate piece that was attached to his head. Behind the glasses, and visible through them if you look close enough, are actual eyes. It’s an added detail to this toy that I really like. Just be careful, because since the glasses are a separate piece that the makers attached to Malcolm’s head, there’s a risk of accidentally breaking them off. It’d be hard to do, and I haven’t done it, but a small piece attached with glue or pegs will always have that risk.

Malcolm has two main accessories: the aforementioned glider pack and large gun. First, let’s talk about that sweet-ass glider. The glider pack comes partially disassembled, so you need to attach the wings to it yourself. It’s a super easy process, as the wings peg right on and stay on securely. From the back, it looks almost identical to the backpack accessory from the original toy, just with wings. What that means is that it’s a black backpack with translucent green parts on it. It almost looks like Jeff Goldblum is wearing a nuclear jetpack to fight crime with, and I am definitely into that idea. 

Because if you’re gonna be a scientist, you should definitely have giant guns and jetpacks

Now, getting the backpack on Dr. Malcolm is a little bit trickier than it used to be, where you would just peg it onto his back. For this toy, you have to pull the bottom of the left shoulder strap out of the little slot it tabs into on the backpack. Then, you slide it over Malcolm’s right arm until you line the peg up with the hole on his back, which will let you attach the backpack. Now, put the left strap tab back into the slot. It’s a little more complicated than I like, and the tab feels a little loose. Also, putting the backpack on wreaks havoc on Malcolm’s ability to stand. He WILL fall over, and it IS because of the giant jetpack on his back.

The other accessory is the large gun with the green missile. I love this weapon. Between the absurd size and the green missile, it feels less like something you use to tranquilize a dinosaur and more like something you use to kill Superman. It’s pure 90’s glory, and I love it. The missile is spring loaded and does have some power, so keep that in mind. Don’t aim it at anyone’s face, or there’s gonna be issues. My only problem with the gun is that it’s so big that Malcolm will fall over if you put it in his hand. Rule of thumb: big accessories mean little balance.

Lex Luthor’s latest weapon to kill Superman

There are two dinosaurs in this set, and each have their own accessories. So yeah, this is a longer review. I just waited to bring it up until now because now you’re trapped in this review and have to see it through! Trapped! TRAPPED, I SAY!

Anyways, the first dinosaur is a baby triceratops. She has no articulation at all, which is alright with me since more articulated figures in this set would drive up the price. She looks very pretty, though. I love her colors, especially the facial markings. They draw attention to her surprised expression and match her horns, which, again, look very nice. I also really like her sculpted details. They add some texture to the figure and also really add to her appearance. Without them, she’d look like a cheap, dollar store toy. 

Soon to star in about 15 “Land Before Time” sequels

She has one accessory, a harness that fits over her back. It’s a nice little accessory that fits pretty snugly on her and has a handle so Dr. Malcolm can carry her away. Getting the handle in his hand can be tricky, though, so you might have to fiddle a little with it.

It turns out that, even as a baby, a triceratops weighs a crapload.

The other dinosaur is a dilophosaurus, which, as a carnivore who needs to eat meat to survive, is our villain for this set. Because the Great Circle of Life can kiss our collective asses. She looks pretty good, too, with her dark green body and the leaf green markings. It really draws in the eye without clashing and sells the idea that this is a jungle predator. She has a little articulation, which is nice, since it lets her pose a little and chase her prey. Her mouth opens and her limbs can all move, but be careful with the legs. They’re a bit stiff, and I’ve heard some people worry about damaging them from moving them too much. She also has a tab in her back you can pull up that has a code you can scan as part of an app meant to go with the toy. Now, her tail looks like it should be able to move. It can’t. Don’t be tempted. It’s not stuck, it doesn’t need a little force to move, and it’s not a factory error. The tail does not move, and attempting to force the issue will not end well.

Ugh, she’s making a face. Now we gotta take the picture again

Her accessories are a set of restraints: a muzzle for her head and a set of cuffs for her limbs. The cuffs clip onto her limbs nicely, and the muzzle fits snugly onto the head. The end result is that you really get the feeling this is a dangerous animal being transported in a zoo. I really like how it comes out.

The all-dinosaur version of “Silence of the Lambs” was a smash hit

“Jurassic Park Dr. Ian Malcolm Glider Escape Pack” is a Target exclusive set that normally goes for about $25, but my wife got me this one for about $17 because it was on sale. The set’s aimed at ages 4+, but keep in mind that the giant missile does have some kick to it. Would I recommend this set? Very much so. The figures all look great, the accessories are fun, and it’s got everything I loved about the original toys as a kid in it. It’s a solid addition to your collection, and who could say no to the seductive looks of Plastic Jeff Goldblum? Next time, we’ll be looking at some more fun stuff in the lead up to our next series of theme reviews. For now, this is JS signing off and wishing you Happy Toy Hunting!

[liondrakes]

Following up on this, it’s like taking the travel situation on transgender people and asking us why we would “condone” this erasure. I am transmasculine and genderqueer; I want to have access to testosterone and secure a legal name change in the future, yet I’m faced with the reality that pursuing my truth will also put me in more danger than I’m already in.

That’s not even taking into account the millions of trans people who’ve already reached that point in their journey. Now, they’re currently faced with the possibility of being trapped in this fascist pitfall of a country as it continues to persecute us.

There’s also thousands of trans youth who’re at risk in their cities, thanks to politicians who essentially want their teachers and mentors to snitch if they so much as indicate transitioning in any way. What of them when they reach adulthood, knowing what their older peers are facing now?

We aren’t okay with anything. We’re faced with the reality that we’re being targeted in our own home. Right out the woodwork, millions of Americans went to social media airing out their frustrations, their fears, and the necessity to organize with each other in these times. Not to mention, plenty more were laying into others for voting people into office who want to destroy any quality of life for us so long as they secure a profit.

It’s short-sighted, to say the least. Mutual aid groups, communal archivists and activists, COVID-conscious guides, and more have been criticizing our system and working towards sharing what resources they can for years now. Hell, disability rights activists are among the most vocal of us!!!

The problem is that 1. many of them are drowned out by political panic and 2. being some of the most vulnerable of us, they are shut down by folks who didn’t take these circumstances nearly as seriously as they should’ve.

I need folks to actually look into what people are trying to do before making the assumption that we’re rolling over and taking our oppression in stride.

This shit costs 200rs... 2.1 $ or something... Why the fuck Americans are okay with this...

[emgaryoffical]

My Thought Process Behind Karaoke Nocturne and Going To Hell by The Pretty Reckless

Hey guys! I wanted to share my thought process behind my own original songs and karaoke songs I do on YouTube. This week is me doing a deep dive into my thought process of how performed Going To Hell by The Pretty Reckless

So, what’s Karaoke Nocturne? It’s a karaoke series I’ve created mainly as an online singing portfolio so it’s non-profit and I make nothing out of it but it’s also for fun. I ALWAYS credit instrumentals and songs I use and you’ll find it in my YouTube video’s description. The video and audio is also not professionally edited so it takes on more raw feeling. I did a song about three weeks ago which was A Grave Mistake by Ice Nine Kills which you can watch here:

I’ll do a brief mini introduction since I haven’t been active here much. I’m Emily Gary, a singer-songwriter based in Colorado. I do original songs and I formally did professional (or as professional as they could get) cover songs. Even though these karaoke videos are still cover songs, they’re not done professionally so the footage and audio you see is usually raw except for original songs. I’ve released three original songs, Drowning, Shell of Society, and Thoughts Are The Enemy. These three songs are currently being revised or reimagined as I work on an in-progress album called Never Ending. I’m also opened to constructive criticism so feedback is much appreciated. All I ask is to not be disrespectful or rude about it.

With that being said…. Here’s my thought process for performing The Pretty Reckless’ Going To Hell.

What initially had gotten me into Going To Hell was the badassary energy, mainly. But from my interpretation, it does touch on how society also views rebellion or “imperfect” people under the eyes of religion. It’s pressure even though it’s not actually what you believe in but you stay in this box just to stay safe from criticism but you eventually have enough and essentially say, “Fuck it. I’m imperfect. I’m going to hell.”

The theme I was trying to convey in my performance is feeling conflicted. Like you feel bad for sinning but there’s a part of you that really just doesn’t give a shit. The ending is more of just accepting these “sinful” imperfections because you’d be miserable and trapped otherwise if you kept up this innocent and clean mask you’ve been trying to show.

I made it deliberate for the “rebel woman” to pretty much shoo off the “innocent woman” and be like a confidence to her that she needs to accept who she is because… be damned if you, be damned if you don’t, right? The shooing off was just the new and improved you taking the spotlight because past you doesn’t define who you are anymore. If that makes any sense. I’m terrible at explaining and wording things so forgive me lol. And that one scene during the bridge where both women are singing in harmony but they’re not in sync, that was semi intentionally because it is difficult to line the audio up during editing so it ended up being intentional just because, again, showing the imperfections but also to show that your past and present self aren’t always in sync with each other.

The plan was to always showcase the same person as two different versions of themselves. However, the way I initially wanted to go about it was different than what ended up being the final product. The different variations of the woman were actually not supposed to be shown together in the same scene but after I played around with the editor when I worked on the karaoke video for A Grave Mistake I realized I could actually chroma key videos. Although poorly because, even though I have experience in editing, I have limited understanding with advanced features. So when I got around to this current karaoke performance, I decided to film as if they were two friends singing karaoke together while the shy one just stands there awkwardly while the other is showing off.

I made a short about it here:

I’ve done this twining video thing once before when I did a semi- professional cover of Sally’s Song in Amy Lee’s version two years ago which you can find here:

Another thing that was changed was the decision for the thumbnail. Instead of the one you saw above, it was actually supposed to be like this:

I decided to go with the picture in the current thumbnail because I personally liked it better than these I had saved.

I feel satisfied with the final result overall even if I cringe at my own voice. I will judge the hell out of my voice but that leads nowhere so I take the chance anyway. I did realize while editing the video, I should probably get a karaoke mic rather than attach the mic I have for recording to my phone. But hey, this is my second karaoke video so there’s always room for improvement!

If you’ve read this far, thanks for reading and watching! You can follow me on YouTube, KoFi, and BlueSky. KoFi is for more exclusive behind the scenes while BlueSky is for updates or whatever I feel like posting that day and kind of the same with YouTube except that’s where all the fun stuff happens which I’ll link all that here as well as the video.

I hope you guys enjoy the video and whatever else I bring to the table. I’ll see you this Friday night! Stay safe and kind!

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