#idk i am not happy and i'm emo

[niuxita21]

😭😭

[chewyhanniebug]

seungmin on his knees for junhan's solo again. that's fine. everything is so fine :)

[gloomyshoujo]

Realized I never share writing wips here! This is more midway in the fic, but I loved this part so much, I wanted to share. Jet/Yue/Zuko soulmates fic, though this part is more Jet/Zuko centric lol

[ikeameatballspoisonedme]

I'm sorry I have been reduced to nothingness but fun fact he came out when we were discussing about MCR. Like Gerard Way just Do That to people I guess

[raytoebiter]

Tunes of your heartbeat ‧₊˚♪𝄞࿐₊˚⊹

sypnosis; In which your fate somehow gets entangled into a jumble of mess between punk music in cozy cafés, intense rivalry, cherished yakults, parallelograms and quantum physics, competitions in contests and rainy days. Or in other words; the universe seems to fucking hate your guts for whatever reason and decided to curse your love life with your awful crass emo twink-a-fuck rival. The question is; did the curse work?

a scaramouche x f!reader SMAU

• Genre; hate at first sight, slowburn, intense rivalry, also intense rivalry in?? who gets to?? pamper each other more?? yeah, rivals to lovers, scara doesn't know how to love, punk music, yakult and coffee, senior highschool love, bonding through music, confessions through music, hanging out in ugly places vibes, angst, hurt/comfort, happy ending (?), and etcetera:)

• Warnings; mommy issues, a fuck ton of curses (be warned), mentions of alcohol and probably a few panic attacks here and there, sewersidal mentions, kys jokes, vulgar jokes, like very vulgar. 18+ not for wattpad purposes but bc it's too inappropriate and vulgar😭

• Taglist II is open! ask to be added or removed!

• Status; ongoing. no update schedule, and irregular hiatuses.

inspiration; from the sidelines bkdk fic ao3, sleeping sirens' songs omg and this one fic that i made over a year ago which is the root of this SMAU

— notes..

- let me know if you want to be added as a twt user in this SMAU too!

- feel free to picture yourself however you want:)

- all the titles in this SMAU are songs:D

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╰┈➤ playlists; curse these feelings (scara's playlist) || fuck these feelings (name's playlist)

╰┈➤ profiles; the five horsemen of stupidity (name's group) || yacult (scara's group)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➞ PLAYING... FIRST BEAT ✰ .ᐟ

Prologue

I. Shut me up (by a punch)

II. Get it up

III. Situations

IV. Don't you dare forget the sun

V. Fake it

VI. I don't care

VII. Knives and Pens

VIII. Pretty Handsome Awkward

IX. Kick me

X. Another life

XI. Sink or Swim

XII. Aneurysm

XIII. Besitos

XIV. Heart Shaped Box

XV. Young Blood Spills Tonight

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➞ PLAYING... SECOND BEAT ✰ .ᐟ

XVI. My Love

XVII. Wut I Liek Abt U

XVIIII. Scream

XIX. Stacy's mom

XX. Suck my kiss

XXI. Just like you

XXII. Ohio is for lovers

XXIII. Emergency

XXIV. Decode

XXV. Circles

XXVI. Ribs

XXVII. Bulletproof Love

XVIII. Demolition Lovers

XXVIX. crushcrushcrush

XXX. Summertime

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➞ PLAYING... THIRD BEAT ✰ .ᐟ

XXXI. Against All Odds

XXXII. Careless Whisper

XXXIII. Listen To Your Heart

XXXIV. Into the Night

XXXV. What Do We Mean To Each Other?

XXXVI. I'm not in love

XXXVII. Only when you leave

XXXVIII. You Keep Me Hanging On

XXXVIX. How Am I Supposed To Live Without You

XL. Right Here Waiting

AND... PAUSE!

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authors notes - i've been literally thinking of making this since uhhhhhhh idk last week ago? this fic was actually inspired by a bkdk ao3 fanfic. and what drove me to really do this smau is that—i really like the idea of applying real life things to fiction. like please tell me everytime u see yakult, it reminds u of this fic. or cafés. i want this fic to exude that vibe and by that, ill try my best to do exactly that.

(ask to be added in comments)

[sortagaysortahigh]

Nobody Gets Me | Joaquin Torres

A/N: Heyyyyy sexies...so don't be mad but I'm in my angst bag, this is giving Hurt/no comfort and I'm not sorry! I've been in my emo era so EVERYONE SHOULD SUFFER TOO!!! ugh anyways, i might do a pt 2 with a happy ending eventually, but I present: Divorced exes to something hopeful?? HURT!! WOOO HOO! Also, I did give Joaquin a sister for this universe specifically (hopefully i continue it </3) Everyone say thank you to @love-chx for beta-ing this and apologize to her for not having a happy ending <3

Summary: Getting married young had it's risks, unfortunately for you and Joaquin, that marriage didn't work out, it's been years since you've been in contact, so why do your hearts still ache?

Warnings: Hurt/no comfort NO HAPPY ENDING!, OOC joaquin (he's mean, jealous, exhausted fr), the Blip </3, john walker jump scare!, SAM BUCKY SUPREMACY!, heartbreak, angst, failed relationships, divorce, mentions of joaquin's accident, spelling and grammar errors (we all know who I am atp), a lot of crying, mentions of loss of virginity, mentions of sex (no smut/sex depicted). dual perspectives? switching b/w joaquin and reader??? idk im sorry if its all over the place

Word Count: 10.4k (of sadness)

Joaquin Torres x Fem!Reader (THEY'RE DIVORCED GOD DAMNIT! Reader also has long-ish hair/hair long enough to braid with 2 white stripes by her ears (this holds a future plot purpose </3)

Joaquin baby I'm so sorry for the angst i put you thru in this but maybe next time, do better! </3

Joaquin Torres is amazing at his job, he easily worked his way up in rank during his time in the Air Force, as a Lieutenant he met Sam Wilson, who he would eventually work very closely with and even consider family. It was a no-brainer when Joaquin had become a Captain, and while working side-by-side with Captain America, he was also able to take on the mantle of the Falcon.

He poured his all into his job, and from the outside looking in, he loved every second of every day. Joaquin was always positive, always putting on a happy face, always committed to making sure everything was going smoothly and that everyone was alright at all times. 

He truly was a hero in every sense of the word—at least to the public.

After his accident in the Indian Ocean near Celestial Island, he’d spent months in physical therapy and rehab, pushing himself past his limits, working harder and harder with the end-goal of getting back into the sky. 

It was accomplished after one year and three months.

One year of long days and even longer nights. A year and three months of being on the ground and being reminded of everything he’d swallowed down, all of the pain, all of the hurt, he did his best to ignore the ache and emptiness in his heart. But when he couldn’t drown himself in work and distract himself with the literal thrill of the skies, all of that bottled up emotion was bound to overflow.

That’s also around the time that he resorted to one night stands. He’d always hated one night stands, not because he didn’t enjoy the sex, but because sex without a genuine emotional connection was never enough for him. If anything, the random hookups had him spiralling even more.

His physical therapist had also told him several times that he shouldn’t have been partaking in any ‘strenuous activity’ which happened to include sex—or at least the kind of frustration fueled sex he was having.

She’d eventually referred him to an actual therapist, who he avoided like the plague, purposefully missing meetings every other week to force the therapist to schedule him bi-weekly. Opening up to a complete stranger was hard enough, but having to provide a co-pay to be questioned about his lackluster decision making and emotional trauma was a lot on him. 

Especially after the incident in the ocean.

The therapist had recommended he spend more time with his friends, which he did for a while, and it worked the first few months. Catching up with friends on and off base, but traveling back home to Miami was what had sent him into a downward spiral in the fourth month of his recovery.

Joaquin Torres has always been a family man, he spent his childhood telling his abuela about how excited he was to grow up one day, get a beautiful wife, and have his own little family. As a teenager, he admittedly did have two pregnancy scares with his then girlfriends, except each time he was fully committed to being a father, even at sixteen. 

He didn’t exactly love his exes, but he loved the idea of being a father, and he knew that one day, he would be. At seventeen Joaquin had only hoped he’d be married and not screwing anything on legs before having a kid.

The day he’d flown back to Miami he expected his sister to pick him up from the airport. It wasn’t a shock to see Ximena there, clearly on the phone with someone, however when he heard his ex-wife’s name slip past her lips, he was overcome with a sense of nausea that he hadn’t felt since the day in court when his divorce had been finalized.

Joaquin Torres hated telling people that he was divorced, being a divorcee at the age of twenty-nine wasn’t exactly the biggest green flag in the world. Nor was it something he was proud of. It’d been three years since the divorce was finalized, three years that he’d been drowning himself in work and a faux sense of positivity to ignore the rage and hurt he felt deep down.

She’d muttered a series of apologies for being there, stating that her husband couldn’t make it, before mumbling some excuse to Joaquin while simultaneously hanging up the phone.

He couldn’t be mad at his sister, not for having a best friend, even if that best friend was his ex-wife.

You and Ximena Torres met in the fourth grade, quickly bonding over a shared love of seashells. That bond quickly spiraled into running around the playground hand-in-hand while scaring the fifth grade boys—one of which being her older brother Joaquin.

The two of you hadn’t gotten along until your sophomore year of high school, when your then-boyfriend cheated on you and left you sobbing under the bleachers as if it was the end of the world. (To your fifteen year old self, it was the end of the world). Ximena was comforting you, and eventually, she managed to convince Joaquin and his friends to ‘go scare’ your ex-boyfriend and the group of guys he hung around with.

Joaquin was on the soccer team at that point, and he also knew several of the football players as they all did winter track and field together, so the fist fight that broke out two days later was a no-brainer.

The day you’d stormed into his house, quickly greeting his Abuela before rushing up to his room, slamming the door open and kicking his then-girlfriend out before cursing him out for thirty minutes while ranting about how ‘wildly wrong’ it was to ‘organize a fucking royal rumble’—your words not his—had marked the beginning of your friendship.

That friendship would later develop into something else when you complained about lacking a date to your senior prom. He’d been home from bootcamp and had a month before getting deployed overseas, so he simply shrugged and said he would take you.

Prom night Joaquin had taken your virginity, or rather, you’d given it to him on a silver platter.

From there, things just flowed naturally. He’d taken you on a few dates the month before deployment. During his first eight month deployment you’d written to him constantly, and those letters, plus photos, and occasional phone calls, gave him something to look forward to when he got back home.

He left for deployment in June, then came back in January of the following year. He was actually stationed in Florida, closer to Florida State University where you went to college. Although he hated FSU on the principle that he would always be a Miami fan, he had no issue in visiting you on campus. The both of you were casual for the latter half of your freshman year.

Then that summer he asked you to be his girlfriend, ‘in the official sense’—his exact words being ‘well, we’re always together, and I really like you, and you really like me, so will you be my girlfriend in the official sense because you’re already my non-official girlfriend’.

At that point he was twenty and you were around nineteen. The both of you dated consistently for two years before he proposed to you the week before Christmas on the beach. You’d obviously said yes, squealing in excitement as he slid the ring on your left finger.

The wedding happened four months later, it wasn’t anything major, something small on a private beach, but at the time, in 2016, it was the best day of both of your lives. 

The following two years were amazing, at least until the Blip happened and Thanos had managed to snap half of the universe’s population away. Joaquin was lucky that he and his wife hadn’t disappeared off of the face of the Earth. But life got harder much faster than expected.

Work was difficult, the sense of impending doom never really disappeared, not when dread was so common amongst global leaders. There were a few positives of the Blip—well, positives if you ignore the long lasting repercussions after the Avengers had reversed the Blip. Homelessness had found some sense of a ‘cure’, politicians using the available resources to make themselves look better, and to finally do something about the hundreds of thousands of people living on the streets and starving worldwide.

The first year of the Blip, things weren’t horrible. Not between you and Joaquin, or on a global scale. The sudden surge of resources did have some positive outcomes, however, the resources also led to a growth in greed. The greed led to a downward spiral on a global scale.

Sure, the global economy might’ve been great from a corporation-based standpoint, but day-to-day life for regular people wasn't.

Job hours got longer, the price of items did increase, inflation was actually an unpredicted issue for a lot of nations, then of course was the need to expand and grow militaries to account for the loss in actual soldiers and enlistments. That directly impacted you and Joaquin, to the point that you had to uproot your life in Florida and move to the West Coast.

Prior to the Blip, Joaquin had been deployed two additional times, one before you were married for six months, and a second for eight months the year after you’d gotten married. Both deployments were overseas, and each time he’d come home, he wouldn’t leave your side for days. 

Following the Blip, Joaquin was never home, or never at the house that you’d purchased off base in California. It wasn’t a bad house per-say, it just wasn’t home. It lacked any real warmth, and it felt like it was draining you. It was difficult to find work as a journalist and publicist, not because there wasn’t anything to be done, but because you freelanced, and during the Blip, major news outlets and magazines weren’t looking for freelance writers.

That also led you to working on base, which should’ve brought you and Joaquin closer together, but it did the exact opposite. Especially when he’d see other Lieutenants flirting with the ‘pretty new media relations’ girl, you usually smiled and laughed it off, doing your best to keep your job.

However, Joaquin Torres was the jealous type, and when you’d both get in fights at home about it, he’d constantly say that you were flirting, that you were feeding into it, as if you had asked for men to flirt with you during your day job.

His job was beyond stressful, which also led to him always being irritable, that combined with the grief that both of you were feeling over the loss of family and friends following the snap. 

You and him both were shells of who you once were before the Blip.

The blip had lasted five years, your marriage was over by the third. It wasn’t until the Blip was reversed that you’d both finished fighting one another in court.

Prior to that, you’d been sleeping in different rooms, and acted more like roommates that tolerated one another rather than husband and wife.

Once the divorce was finalized, Joaquin stayed in California while you went home to Miami. He hadn’t heard from you since, and he had no idea where you actually had been, considering you were never big on social media, and now it was like you were nothing but a ghost from his past.

He did his best to ignore the nausea in his stomach after hearing your name, it wasn’t just your first name, no it was your full name, as if you’d said something so outrageous that Ximena was yelling at you over the phone while laughing.

Joaquin knew you were still friends with his sister. He’d never hold that against you, but it did hurt.

During his time in Miami, he did his best to ignore his intrusive thoughts, telling him to call you, or to reach out to your family, or to figure out where the hell you’d actually gone, or who you were now. It’d been three years, three years since he’d seen you, three years since he’d heard your real actual voice, not just the recordings and videos on his phone and laptop.

With his skillset, he knew he could’ve found you, but you didn’t want to be found, that much was clear to him.

Whenever people would ask about you, he’d just laugh it off, shrug, and force a smile. He was so used to being positive all the time that he easily slipped into that persona, most people had never seen him irritated, and he liked it that way. 

Then he ran into your mother at the grocery store, she pulled him into a hug with a wide smile and started talking his ear off, asking how he was, congratulating him on becoming a ‘real superhero!’, then she’d gone on a tangent about you. That’s how he found out you were in Washington D.C. working directly under James Buchanan Barnes.

The same James Buchanan Barnes that Sam Wilson was best friends with, and the same person that he’d assisted in taking down the Flagsmashers. He’d seen Bucky several times over the past few years, and never, not once, did he see you.

So he knew you were avoiding him. It wasn’t just a weird sense of paranoia, no, Joaquin knew you. He knew you like the back of his hand, he knew the best parts of you and the worst, and he was absolutely positively sure that you’d been avoiding him.

He also knew that both Sam and Bucky most likely had no knowledge of you being his ex-wife, or even of Joaquin himself being married at one point. It was more likely than Bucky knew, mostly because getting the level of security clearances needed to work for a Congressman required several in-depth background checks.

Joaquin feigned happiness as your mother spoke to him, and as soon as he could, he got the hell out of there.

Slowly, but surely, his composure cracked. He wasn’t the happy-go-lucky guy anymore with nothing but optimism. The thread of pessimism within him was unraveling, and he found himself slipping into a never-ending anger.

He used that anger to push through the next few months of his recovery once he was back in Washington. He went on a strict diet, stuck to his training plans, and started pushing himself even more, striving to go back to being the Falcon, to find some sense of purpose, and something to drown himself in.

The only vice he truly had was the lackluster one night stands. It was never enjoyable, but he needed to let off some steam, so he’d go to some of the bars in D.C., flirt a little bit, and go back to someone’s place with them, slipping out in the early hours of the morning without a word. It worked for him, or at least, he told himself it worked for him. 

He also told himself he wasn’t going for women that reminded him of you—which was a definitive lie.

Eventually, once he was back in the sky, back running drills, back working on his flips, kicks, and spins he stopped with the unhealthy coping habits. He’d even gotten a new suit from the Wakandans, a gift from M’baku himself after Sam had told him about Joaquin’s accident. The suit was carbon black, had some green detailing, and it was constructed from vibranium, the same vibranium that absorbed kinetic energy and released it.

Joaquin had never felt more unstoppable with the mantle and new suit.

But with the whole ‘New Avengers’ fiasco occurring in New York, Sam had been stressed, and he’d been doing his best to work with Bucky, trying to find some kind of work-around to the ever-present legal issues associated with there being two Avengers groups.

When he got the call that they were headed to the renovated Avengers compound in Manhattan, part of him was excited to finally see the place, but the other part of him was dreading the possibility of seeing his ex-wife. He didn’t know if she still worked for Bucky, and he never bothered to ask, he hadn’t even brought it up again after speaking with your mother.

He was tense on the flight to New York, and when Sam tried to pry it out of him, he lied about having a stomach bug.

By the time that Joaquin and Sam had arrived at the tower, it was nearly seven and the sun was setting. Admittedly, the place was nice, a bit too modern for him, but nice either way. 

He followed Sam’s lead, mostly because he had no idea how to navigate the tower and getting lost wasn’t exactly something he wanted to do. But the second the elevator doors opened, he heard your laughter, a series of loud, high pitched, wheezy laughs and giggles that he’d fallen in love with a lifetime ago.

Sam’s brows knit together as he looked at Joaquin, then he looked around the elevator and into the large common space. “You alright kid?” 

Joaquin blinked a few times, nodding his head, snapping out of his daze as he looked at Sam. “Uh-uh yeah sorry, I just, zoned out—nothing to worry about. Anyways, where's Bucky?” he was talking too fast, the composure he’d worked so hard on building up easily crumbled. Then he heard your laugh again followed by ‘Wait! Stop—put me down Parker!’. 

He must’ve been on fire, that would explain the heat raging throughout his body.

Sam shrugged him off, motioning for Joaquin to follow him as he made his way towards the commotion, Bucky easily spotting them, standing from his front row seat to your ‘fight’ with Peter. 

Joaquin quickly followed, jaw clenched as he finally spotted you. You looked so different while also looking just like yourself. Your hair was longer now, pulled into two thick braids trailing from the top of your head, down your back. It also had two large white streaks near your ears, which was different—but then again, Joaquin had been shaving his face religiously because the thought of your compliments on it left a sour taste in his mouth.

He noticed the way you smiled, wide and full of life. A look he hadn’t seen in so long, a look he missed desperately, every single day.

When Peter Parker finally put you down, you laughed again, shaking your head as you sat up, still not noticing Joaquin’s presence. But Joaquin couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. It was clear that you’d been much happier and healthier, having put on some weight—but it wasn’t bad—the opposite really.

The last time he’d seen you, you were stressed, exhausted, and that reflected in your features and body. You’d never been super skinny, and he loved that about you—at one point he loved everything about you—but the years leading to your divorce, you’d dropped weight at an unhealthy pace from the long days and even longer nights. 

His eyes traced your entire figure from top to bottom, noticing the small things you’d changed as well. The few new tattoos and piercings stuck out to him, the small gold rings on both sides of your nostrils, and the alligator tattoo on your leg were very apparent. Joaquin also tried to ignore the faded Air Force t-shirt you had on, it was clearly his, and he remembered the shirt well.

Then you finally turned and noticed him. Eyes widening at the sight of Joaquin, and he kept his eyes on you the entire time.

Everyone seemed to notice the shift in the room, well everyone except for Sam and Bucky who were too busy talking amongst one another about a few legal documents, and Sam throwing in several of his typical ‘anti-government’ remarks.

It was as if time was frozen.

You blinked a few times, eyes on Joaquin—your Joaquin. 

The same man that you’d loved and hated at one point in your life, you weren’t even sure how you’d felt about him now, but you did know one thing, you had done your very best to avoid him at all costs. Sure, you knew one day it would probably bite you in the ass, but you hoped that was years from now.

Then again, you knew there was a risk when you’d taken the job as Bucky Barnes’s media relations secretary. This was your wheelhouse, you specialized in media relations and journalism, you would’ve been a complete idiot to decline the job.

But now, it was as if karma was coming to kick your ass.

You stared at him, unmoving as you processed seeing him again for the first time in almost four years. He looked different, more mature in a way that you hadn’t expected. He still had that boy-ish charm, but he looked older, stronger, and sturdier.

He still shaved his face, something you always told him to stop doing. Constantly telling him he looked good with facial hair, making sly comments and innuendos in public, giggling whenever he’d pull you into him, burying his face into your shoulder, covering any inch of exposed skin in gentle kisses as you laughed trying to shove him away.

But now he had a very visible burn scar along the right side of his neck, clearly stretching to his shoulder. You knew about his accident, and you’d been traveling with Bucky during that time, having sat in the waiting room while he spoke with Sam. 

Part of you wanted to see him, desperately, but you couldn’t do it.

Bucky had asked you several times, stating that he ‘just wanted to make sure’, but each time you politely declined, shaking your head.

The Joaquin you were seeing now wasn’t your Joaquin, not anymore at least.

You knew something was off about him, his eyes weren’t as bright anymore. Then again, neither were yours. Heartbreak and grief had the tendency to suck the joy out of things.

“You alright Lightning?” you blinked a few times, registering Peter’s voice, nodding your head as you finally glanced back at him, then after clearing your throat, you gave everyone an awkward smile before muttering some half-assed excuses and making a beeline out of the room, towards the other set of doors, far from Joaquin.

He watched you leave, scoffing while shaking his head.

Everyone made their introductions, but Joaquin didn’t have it in him to keep up his faux positivity, giving everyone tight lipped smiles and head nods. Mentioning his name and rank a few times, forcing a laugh when Sam made a joke about being the ‘Falcon’. When Peter tried to talk to him about the mechanics of the new Falcon suit, Joaquin brushed him off.

Sure you two weren’t together anymore, but he had every right to be jealous. Even if Joaquin was just your ex-husband. Peter had a nickname for you! That was enough to piss Joaquin off and make him dislike the kid.

When John Walker tried to question the entire interaction prior to the introductions, Bucky shushed him, giving him a pointed look which was received with a small head nod, and a loud sigh. Followed by Yelena elbowing him. 

It was clearly a touchy subject.

That night Joaquin couldn’t sleep.

Neither could you.

For the first time in years, you found yourself fishing your old phone and it’s charger out of the small lockbox below your bed, the box filled with some of your most prized mementos, photos of friends, family, birthday cards, small trinkets, a few necklaces, an old camera, the phone in hand, and most importantly, your engagement ring and wedding band.

It had taken a few minutes for the phone to turn on after connecting it to the charger. Then you sat on the floor, leaning against your bed in the darkness, eyes focused on the screen as you unlocked it—your old anniversary being the password.

Your bottom lip quivered as you opened the photos app, the most recent photo being of you and Joaquin at the zoo three months into the Blip, when you were still trying to find a sense of normalcy. Back when the both of you would still go on dates and try to cheer one another up, when you still fought the grief instead of wallowing in it.

He looked terrified while you had a wide smile on your face, three parrots on you, one perched in each hand and the other on the top of your head. 

Then you started scrolling, eyes burning with unshed tears as you went through the photos, happy moments forever frozen in time. Moments you wish you could relive, just for a day.

Finally you found it, the wedding video. You turned your phone horizontally, playing the ten minute video, a perfectly edited version of your wedding ceremony and reception, with a few blooper pieces of your family members giving their commentary on the wedding. Ximena put it together for you and Joaquin.

You looked so happy as he held you in his arms, both of you laughing and smiling, embracing the newly-weds title. 

The choked sob that slipped past your lips at the sight of your first dance unleashed the floodgates, you were full on sobbing now, watching the video with your knees to your chest, hand perched atop them. 

Joaquin used to look at you as if you hung the moon and stars. 

You remember that look, the look of unconditional love. 

You might’ve had a crush on Joaquin in high school, but he was the one who fell the hardest. He was the first to say ‘I love you’ and the day he proposed to you, he couldn’t stop himself, it was such a candid moment. He had a whole day planned for it, but then you two had gone to the beach, and the sunset painted you like an angel sent from above, the second you’d turn around, squatting to pick up seashells, he knew it was time.

He’d tapped your shoulder that day, as if he was showing you a shell, then you turned around—laughing at the awkward movement while still squatting, then you practically fell backwards onto the sand at the sight of him on one knee with an open engagement ring box.

Ximena had a thing for dramatics, so at the end of your wedding video, she also added in the video of your proposal, which was shakily taken from his phone, propped up against his water bottle in the sand, the angle a little crooked, but it captured the moment nonetheless. 

Three knocks on your door interrupted your sobbing sessions. You were quick to wipe your tears away, hoping you’d have enough time to tuck the phone away and climb into bed, pretending to be asleep.

But then Yelena opened the door with Bob at her side while you were trying to grab the box from below the bed, still on the floor. The two squinting into the darkness, letting their eyes adjust to the room with the helpful aid of the hall-way light streaming in.

Bob noticed you first.

“McQueen? Why’re you on the floor—wait, are you crying? Shit, Yelena she’s upset about something.” 

You laughed at him, shaking your head as you finally looked over at them, tear stained cheeks, red eyes, and a quivering bottom lip. Not to mention your frizzy hair, and tear soaked sweater sleeves.

They easily entered the room, Yelena turning on your desk lamp as Bob shut the door behind him. Then Yelena was sliding onto the floor beside you, and Bob in front of the both of you. 

The both of them were an oddly comforting duo, they were the best of friends, and honestly, after helping Bob start working through a lot of his issues, he had helpful input on most emotional situations. Plus, the fact that he cared was enough for you to let him in, and that went for Yelena as well.

Yelena noticed the phone, picking it up and looking at it, her brows knit together at the sight of the paused video, seeing a younger version of you in the arms of Joaquin Torres, smiles on your face while you flashed your wedding ring. Then she noticed that you were in a wedding dress, and he was in a full suit.

She squinted slightly, using two fingers to zoom into the paused video, eyes widening at the realization that the Air Force Captain she’d met today, was the same man in the video that you were very clearly marrying.

“We got married young. Like idiots. Then the Blip happened and I dunno, we just hated each other after a while, there wasn’t anything to fix. Then we went to court—spent almost a year going back and forth for the sake of arguing. Honestly, I only prolonged the divorce because fighting with him was better than not speaking to him.”

You sighed, now leaning your head on Yelena’s shoulder while the two listened and nodded.

“I don’t think it was idiotic to marry him if you loved him—did you?” 

You blinked a few times, glancing at Bob, then down at your hands again. “I do—I did. He used to make me feel like nothing could ever go wrong. Then suddenly, the fantasy all came crashing down.” You sniffled a few times, shrugging.

He nodded, looking at Yelena who was swiping through the different photos and videos, then her eyes widened as she let out a loud gasp, throwing the phone to the side, where it now sat face-up, a video of you and Joaquin in a very intimate position on the screen.

Your eyes widened as you rushed to flip the phone. It wasn’t like a full blown sex tape, but you were half-naked on top of him.

“So I take it you had a healthy marriage at first? Based on that-” Yelena pointed to the phone. Then she finally broke, loud boisterous laughter filling the room. Her laugh was always contagious, and it led to the three of you laughing amongst each other.

They’d managed to cheer you up in minutes, and that reminded you of how lonely you’d felt before meeting them. How mundane life felt, how every single task was draining. It reminded you of how draining life really used to be, when you’d always feel so alone in a room full of people.

When you’d seek comfort in the one person that couldn’t provide it anymore. 

“I really do love you guys.” 

Yelena smiled, nodding her head. “I love you too, in a completely platonic way, don’t try to mount me the way you mounted him—wait what's his name again?” Her brows knit together as she thought hard to remember Joaquin’s name, but she was drawing a blank.

Bob finally stopped laughing, shaking his head. “Joaquin—I think? Yeah, that sounds right.” 

You nodded. “Yeah, it’s Joaquin, Captain Joaquin Torres. Y’know when we were married he wasn’t a captain yet—” you stopped mid sentence, afraid of the potential word vomit or tears that might come out of this conversation.

On the opposite end of the tower Joaquin was pacing back and forth in one of the guest bedrooms. Not only was he angry, he was hurt, so hurt, in fact, that he’d spent thirty minutes crying silently in the shower, hoping the scalding hot water would numb some of the pain he was feeling.

It usually worked for physical pain, but emotional pain? It did little to nothing.

Seeing you was like opening Pandora's box. Joaquin always knew he was angry, angry at you yes, but he was angrier at himself. He’d never really forgiven himself for letting you slip through the cracks, for taking his frustrations out on you, for being overly jealous and never understanding, and for pushing you away. Constantly.

The Blip had taken a lot out of him, he was hurting, but so were you.

He forgot about that, about the pain that you’d been in. 

Your mother was blipped, and she meant the world to you. Anytime you’d call your father, you’d lock yourself in the bedroom after, sobbing for hours, holding a pillow against your chest, trying to find some kind of comfort. 

In the beginning, he’d slip into bed behind you, arms wrapped around your torso while you silently cried and mourned your mother. You were never really the blind hope type—he was. Joaquin had been there for you, there to comfort you, to bring you a sense of reassurance, and most importantly, to ground you.

His abuela had been blipped, he knew how it felt, the grief, but it wasn’t nearly as substantial as yours was. He loved his abuela, but he also knew she was an older woman who lived an entire life, and anytime they spoke, she’d always say ‘I love you Quino, if this is the last time we talk, just know i’ll always be there in spirit! Make sure you tell my princessa I love her too!’—or something along those lines.

He used to tell her not to talk like that, but his mother said it came from a place of love and of understanding. Every moment with someone was precious and needed to be valued, life was really too short to leave things unspoken.

So how he managed to leave so much? He didn’t understand. 

He blamed himself for the divorce, Joaquin knew that he was pushing you away. Then you’d gotten that job on base, and at first he was excited to visit his pretty wife during lunch. But then his jealousy took over, jealousy mixed with pessimism and all of the negative emotions he’d been swallowing down started surfacing.

It wasn’t like you didn’t try. You were constantly talking to him, constantly checking on him, spending nights with your hands in his hair while you asked if he was alright, telling him you were always there to talk. 

His job was stressing him out, he was under so much pressure, constantly. Tensions were rising at work, there were deadlines that needed to be met, tasks he didn’t have the time to do, and yet he still had to.

So he’d come home late, and he was bitter about it. Then you’d show up with a small smile on your tired face, mumbling something about making dinner, but he was tired, too tired to eat. He just wanted to sleep.

Some days he’d snap at you, and you were never one to sit and take it. 

That’s when the fighting would start, and the screaming for hours on end. You two would go back and forth until eventually you’d slam a door in his face and tell him to sleep on the sofa. 

Even now, as he paced back and forth, he remembers the sound of your muffled sobs, the way you’d cry after every fight. Then you’d pad out of the room in the middle of the night with a blanket for him, he’d pretend to be asleep as you covered him, kissing the top of his head, mumbling a rushed ‘I’m sorry’. 

You always cared, you did your best. 

He didn’t. 

He stopped trying, and he knew that. He was just so tired, so angry, so jealous, so frustrated. The world didn’t stop spinning, tomorrow would always come, but he was so angry as he focused on each individual day, then he couldn’t find comfort in you anymore.

At one point, you were able to calm him down within seconds, you’d wrap your arms around him and tell him you loved him, then ask to talk. He’d melt against you, an entire breakdown of his day would follow. Sometimes you’d comment, other times you’d nod your head while he spoke.

But eventually, the hugs, kisses, and gentle gestures stopped. Even the sex didn’t solve anything. It was just another way for the both of you to let go of tension, then he was grabbing a pillow and leaving the room, going to the sofa, and eventually, to the guest bedroom that had turned into his personal bedroom.

What made things worse was that you were both so young when you’d gotten married, young and naive. In a world where alien invasions were common, jumping the gun on marriage wasn’t that irrational, not  when you were truly in love with someone.

But sometimes love isn’t enough. 

That’s what had truly broken Joaquin, the realization that love wasn’t enough. 

Joaquin was twenty-six when the divorce was finalized, you were twenty-five. 

When he was twenty-two people told him it was idiotic to get married that young, that it was a mistake. So many people doubted you and Joaquin’s marriage, and now, he had to admit that they were right. 

He wanted to hate you, the last year of your marriage was the hardest. It was as if neither of you wanted to let go while simultaneously making one another’s lives a living hell. Buying a house together made it much harder to separate from one another, which also presented its own legal issues in terms of needing to be separated prior to divorcing one another.

Then there was the fact that you’d been married in Florida, seeking a divorce in California, while Joaquin was actively in the Air Force, and you also worked on base. It wasn’t like either of you would’ve been able to avoid one another, and truthfully, neither of you wanted to avoid each other.

The arguments and fights were never ending during that last month. Anytime he’d see you or you’d see him before a meeting with your attorneys, a screaming fest would start. Most of the fights had nothing to do with any divisions of assets, and you’d both already agreed to sell the house.

But Joaquin knew that he preferred fighting with you over never speaking to you.

The sound of his door slamming open caught his attention, his pacing stopped while he turned to look at the door. 

Sam stood here with Bucky by his side, a singular brow raised as he shook his head, the two men inviting themselves into the room.

“So you mean to tell me, this entire time, you had an ex-wife? Kid, you were married?” Sam was loud as he spoke, shock evident in his tone as he entered the rooms, hands moving as he spoke. “I had to find out from Buck! Of all people!”

“Hey—what’s that supposed to mean!” Bucky sounded offended while he leaned against the door, arms crossed in front of his chest, shaking his head at Sam’s comment.

“It means, I’ve been working with the kid for almost four years—wait! When we first met, you’d barely been divorced? Is that why you were in Tunisia?! On some finding yourself through work journey?” 

Joaquin was frozen in place, eyes wide as he looked from Sam to Bucky, then back to Sam. He didn’t know the best way to approach this situation. Sure, he knew that eventually he would’ve had to come clean to Sam about you, but that wasn’t ever a priority of his, mainly because he preferred to act as if nothing was ever wrong and swallow all of his feelings down.

“Yeah, when you introduced me to the kid, they’d only been divorced for around four months? I found that out from McQueen. Honestly, I’m surprised Joaquin held it in for so long, five drinks in and she was crying on my living room sofa.”

Bucky sounded so nonchalant as he spoke, which only irritated Joaquin. It made sense that you’d be spending time with him, he was your boss. But, you? Drinking with him? Then spending time at his place? 

Joaquin’s jaw was clenched so tight he was afraid his teeth would crack.

“Buck, why were you drinking with her—you don’t drink often.” Sam paused, looking over at Bucky. 

“I wasn’t drinking, we were at a fundraiser, y’know they’re boring as hell. People kept passing her drinks, she didn’t want to be rude when she was technically working, I told her to just chuck the drinks into some plants—then she started rambling about plants and their root health. Anyways, long story short, she’s an emotional drunk.”

Joaquin stifled a laugh, a sad smile on his face at the story. 

You’d always been an emotional drunk, even as a teenager when you and Ximena would sneak into his mother’s liquor cabinet, sneaking out to drink in random parking lots or at the beach. Then someone would inevitably call him to pick you both up, he’d always feign reluctance, but he never had an issue getting the two of you, and whatever other friend was there.

That’s also one of the first times you’d kissed him. He remembers the day as if it was yesterday, you were a junior in high school, he was a senior, it was after the big homecoming game. You were clearly plastered, laughing and shrugging with Ximena, both of you practically falling over with wide smiles on your faces as you stumbled into Joaquin in the parking lot.

He lectured you both that night, Ximena had fallen asleep in the front seat, so you opted to help haul her out of the car with him, giggling as you backed into him a few times. Joaquin kept shushing you, and after you both managed to get his sister into the house, you smiled at him in the dimly lit hallway.

Then you kissed him. It was quick, as if the moment you realized your lips were on his, you were immediately reeling back. Apologizing while giggling, then you’d gone into Ximena’s room, waving at him before closing the door.

“Hey stop daydreaming over there! You’ve got some serious explaining to do!” Sam’s snapping caught Joaquin’s attention as he slowly nodded his head, acting as if he was listening—he very clearly was not.

“Start from the beginning, let’s hear it.”

Joaquin nodded at Bucky, letting out a deep sigh as he sat on the edge of his bed.

He’d spent the next two hours explaining everything to them both, from the start of your relationship, to getting engaged, then to the Blip, and of course, the end of it all. The divorce, the fights, the anger, all of it.

In a way, Joaquin felt like a weight was lifted off of his shoulders. He’d spent so long bottling everything up that it had just become normal to him. 

“So you’re still in love with her and from what Bucky’s told me—she’s still in love with you. So what’s the issue here? Clearly you’ve both grown up, and Ray Charles once said, time heals a broken heart but time has clearly sat still while you two have been apart—”

Bucky cut him off, “I don’t think that’s how that saying goes, Sam.”

“You shut the hell up, I’m giving the kid some emotional motivation to win his woman back! Sure, they’re divorced, but they’re young and clearly stupid!—no offense Joaquin. It’s been years since they’ve seen each other! You’ve heard her side, Buck, now we’ve heard his! They’re in love!” Sam’s hands moved rapidly as he spoke, constantly motioning in Joaquin’s direction and the opposite direction, most likely where you metaphorically would be.

Bucky sighed, shrugging. “Okay, you’re right—” he turned to look at Joaquin. “I get you two went through a rough patch during the Blip, but I can guarantee, things’ll be better now. At the very least, you should try. Lightning McQueen’s not gonna reject you outright.” 

Sam and Joaquin shared a confused look before Sam spoke up. “Why the hell is everyone calling her Lightning McQueen?”

Bucky shrugged. “She wears Lightning McQueen slippers around the tower, sometimes she’ll stop mid sentence and say ‘kachow’. At first I didn’t get it, then she forced me to watch the entire Cars franchise with her. She cried during the last two movies.”

Sam blinked a few times, meanwhile Joaquin couldn’t hold his laughter in.

“That’s one of her favorite movies, something about a coming of age story—I dunno, she’s loved it forever.” 

Sam and Bucky looked at one another, then back at him, speaking at the same time, the mixture of “you’re both idiots” and “idiots in love” sounded a bit jumbled and confusing, but Joaquin got the point.

The next few days Joaquin’s only goal was to actually talk to you. It was easy in theory, there were only so many places that you could run off to. However, you knew the compound much better than he did, and anytime he finally caught sight of you, you were gone in seconds.

It was obvious you’d been avoiding him, and that was only irritating him more and more. He’d gone from being slightly hopeful that maybe you two could start over, to feeling himself slipping into that same pessimistic mindset he’d tried to swallow down and drown out with work.

He was hanging on by a thin thread. 

That thread snapped the moment he walked into the lab in search of some data on a few samples of adamantium that was recovered near a small island neighboring the Celestial mass in the Indian Ocean. 

He still had a job to do, even if he was also simultaneously trying to win his ex-wife back.

The moment Joaquin stepped foot into the lab, you were there, standing beside a large metal table where Bob was laying flat. Not only was the man laying down, he was fully shirtless and your hands were on his abdomen. From Joaquin’s angle he couldn’t see what you were doing, but he did hear your laughter.

Yelena leaned against one of the tables behind you, her arms crossed as she questioned your motions, pointing down at Bob where you’d been stitching him up, “If you go any slower, it’ll prolong the pain.”

You scoffed, glancing at her over your shoulder. “Well, if you hadn’t been sparring with knives, none of us would be here right now. This is the closest thing we have to a med bay, besides, if I go faster, I’ll fuck up the stiching and unfortunately for you, you don’t exactly have health insurance in the state of New York. Actually, I don’t think any of you do outside of Bucky and Walker.”

Bob winced slightly as you pulled the thread through his skin, teeth clenched, one hand over his eyes. “Why couldn’t I have a drink or something again? No offense Lightning, but this hurts.”

You sighed. “Remember your whole addictive personality thing? Sorry, but the best I can do is get Yelena to knock you out cold. But I think that would be another issue. Besides, aren't you supposed to be like a God or something? You’ll heal just fine! Don’t be such a baby!” Then you started laughing.

He groaned, wincing as he laughed as well, which made Yelena laugh too.

Joaquin finally walked into the lab, jaw clenched as he walked right past the three of you, his own metaphorical storm cloud following him. Except this time, you couldn’t run away from him, which he was grateful for, but he didn’t really feel like discussing your past relationship with people he hardly knew.

“Good afternoon to you too, Captain Torres!” Your eyes widened at Yelena’s words, fingers pressing a bit too harshly into Bob’s skin—earning a loud groan.

Joaquin scoffed, nodding his head to acknowledge Yelena while mumbling. “Yeah—afternoon.” 

He found a more secluded area of the lab, but it still had a direct line-of-sight to you. So Joaquin sat, stewing in his own jealousy for thirty minutes while you stitched up some gash on Bob's side.

Then Yelena was helping Bob get back up, stating that she’d be back shortly, but once she was out of the lab, the lights dimmed, then flashed red for a few seconds, before settling on a blue-ish hue. That was followed by Yelena’s voice over the intercom. “Sorry Lightning! But you two need to talk it out, or sex it out, whichever you prefer! I’ll shut down the cameras! Oh and don’t try to do any other work, Peter’s shutting down the systems externally.” 

Once she finished speaking, you were left in a tense silence as you cleaned up the area. The sounds of metal clinking, plastic shifting, spraying from the disinfectants, and the sounds of your frustrated sighing practically echoed in the room.

“Are you gonna say something to me? Or just be angry and clean the whole time. Not that I’m not used to that.” 

You blinked a few times, pausing your motions before practically slamming the metal tray in your hands against the countertop as you slowly turned to face him. He was still several feet away, but now Joaquin was standing up, leaning against one of the larger free-standing countertops that you typically examined samples on.

“I have nothing to say to you Joaquin.”

He shook his head at that. “Well, I have everything to say to you Ms. Torres.” He noticed the way your eyes widened as he shook his head, then he ran his tongue along his top teeth. “Y’know what’s absolutely insane, that I had to find out from Bucky—your boss—that you hadn’t ever gone through with changing your name. So you’ve been walking around with my last name, while fucking whoever the hell you want.”

You scoffed at that, there it was, the jealousy. “Excuse me? I’m sorry that I didn’t feel the need to go through another extensive legal process to change my goddamn name, when I already made a name for myself with the last name Torres. And seriously? Fucking whoever I want? I’ve gone on dates—I’ve had sex with other people. Oh well! Do you want flowers and a fuckin handwritten apology? Like oh I’m so sorry Joaquin that I kept your last name after being married to you for five years! My bad!”

Joaquin let out a sardonic laugh, followed by a scoff before speaking again. “Well, if you hadn’t disappeared off of the face of the earth, maybe I wouldn’t care that much. It’s like the second we were over, you were gone!” 

“What the hell was I supposed to do?! Stick around? Fight with you some more?! As if it was ever fucking enjoyable? I choose to leave, I’m not mad about it! I had to get the hell away from you, I had to remember who the hell I was—who I am! I didn’t even know who I was outside of being with you! So sorry if I choose to put myself first and go live my life Joaquin!” 

Your voice got louder and louder as you spoke, chest rapidly rising and falling, feeling the waves of irritation and anger rolling through your entire body.

He shook his head. “Did you ever think that maybe—just maybe I didn’t want the divorce. That sure we could’ve used some space and time apart but that I still loved you?! Did you ever consider that! Or maybe I still love you! That I was never able to move on?!”

You paused, lips slightly parted, brows knit together at the confession.

Joaquin scoffed, rolling his eyes, leaning his head back slightly as he looked up, silently praying to whatever God truly existed, that this wasn’t a mistake. Then his eyes were back on you.

“There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t thought about you. Every single worthless hookup I had, I thought about you, I purposefully went after women that reminded me of you just so I could fucking feel something—anything! But they were never you!” 

He ran his hands through his hair. “I swallowed down every shitty emotion I’ve felt for years, drowning myself in even more work, I mean I guess it paid off-or at least it had paid off until I fucking crash landed into the Indian Ocean!”

Joaquin laughed again, sniffling slightly, doing his best to ignore the burning in his eyes “The worst part was, when I woke up from a week long coma, I was delirious and high on whatever the fuck they were giving me for the pain—and I asked for you. I asked every single nurse for you. I get it, you wanted to go off and live your life without me—but you didn’t call, you didn’t text. Hell, I even asked Ximena if you knew and she avoided the subject.” 

You cut him off. “Shut the hell up Joaquin.”

He shook his head “No, I’m tired of holding this shit in, and if this is the only chance I’ll ever get to talk to you—then so be it! I waited for you, I waited in that goddamn hospital hoping and praying that maybe you’d show up with your sad smile and concerned eyes and tell me that I was an idiot and things would all be okay. But you didn’t, come to find out, you were there that day—the day they rushed me in.” 

You shook your head, jaw clenched, eyes watering. “Joaquin, stop.” 

Joaquin laughed again, shrugging. “Bucky told me you were there with him, that you hounded all of the nurses and the receptionists, but you never once went to see me. What? Hate me that bad you couldn’t even spare me five fucking minutes when I’m unconscious after nearly dying?!—” 

“Jesus Christ! Shut the fuck up, Joaquin! You don’t know what you’re talking about. For once in your life, shut your big fucking mouth! I’m sorry I didn’t go—you think I didn’t wanna see you?! I was fucking terrified! Terrified that you were gonna die on that table when they were operating on you! I was sobbing the entire time, I was so afraid of losing you—” 

You wiped your tears away, brows knit together, bottom lip quivering as you stared at him. “I’d already lost you once. I didn’t have it in me to lose you again. I couldn’t see you like that, I tried—I wanted to. I couldn’t do it. You don’t get to hold that against me—” 

You pointed at him as you spoke. “You don’t have the fucking right to hold that against me.”

Joaquin blinked a few times, watching as your walls were crumbling. He knew you were still hurt, that much was obvious in the way you’d been avoiding him—but to know you were hurting like this? 

It broke part of him, and for a second he felt like his nineteen year old self again on the night he’d taken your virginity. He remembered the way you tried not to cry, word vomiting your insecurities and vulnerabilities to him while the two of you sat in his childhood bedroom. Joaquin remembered the way you looked, the way you couldn’t meet his stare, the way you held the blanket to your body to shield yourself from him, even if you were still in your dress.

He knew you so well, he used to know exactly how to comfort you, exactly how to make your worries disappear.

Now he didn’t.

Now he was the cause of them.

“I loved you until the very end of our relationship. Don’t ever sit and act like I didn’t—like I don’t care about you. Joaquin, you were my first love, you meant everything to me. I married you when I was twenty-one like an idiot because I had so much faith and hope in our relationship—in our love. I know I was wrong to up and leave once the divorce was finalized, but I didn’t want to work through things just to be your friend. I could never in my life be your friend Joaquin—not when you knew everything about me—every single insecurity, every hope, every dream.”

You weren’t wiping the tears away anymore, a sad smile on your face as you looked down at your hands, then back to him. 

“If I could do it all over again, I would. Just to get the chance to love you like that again. That’s why I left, because I knew if I stayed, I would’ve been right back with you—right back to wanting to hate you, knowing I never could and I couldn’t take it.”

He was at a loss for words, tears finally flowing along his cheeks while he looked at you. Joaquin finally processed how he’d broken your heart—broken you. He’d broken you down time and time again, letting his own insecurities, exhaustion, and pessimism get to him. 

He’d hurt the one person he never wanted to hurt—you.

“Everyday I think about you. I think about how you’re doing, I wonder what Sam’s got you wrapped up in, I laugh at the stupid jokes you make during press releases and media statements as the Falcon. Hell, I even pray for you, which is crazy because I don’t even know if there’s even a higher power—but the faith that you’ll be okay each and every day is enough for me. I ask Ximena about you all the time. Whenever I go back to Miami, I make sure to go see your family.”

Joaquin was genuinely speechless. This entire time, he thought you just didn’t care. That you wanted as much distance between the both of you as possible. He’d been so angry for years, angry at you, and angrier at himself.

“I don’t think I’ll ever not love you Joaquin, and that in itself, is enough to make me avoid you. I don’t want what we had, I hated it. I hated every fight, I hated watching you leave after we had sex, I hated the sight of you sleeping on our sofa. I hated all of it. I know life was really hard at that point, I know I wasn’t the best wife or partner, but I tried. I tried everyday but you held everything against me, constantly.”

You sniffled, biting your bottom lip while trying to recollect yourself. The tears were flowing, and you couldn’t stop them.

“You were so mean, all the time. You weren’t the Joaquin I had fallen in love with, honestly, I know I was a shell of myself, but you—you were so much worse. You never let me back in—” a short sob slipped past your lips while you cried, looking down at the ground, taking a few deep breaths. “I wanted you to let me in again. I remember purposefully forgetting documents and prolonging our entire attorney experience, just so I could spend more time with you. Because I knew the second it was over, I was leaving.”

The silence was suffocating.

You were doing your best not to sob. Joaquin was processing everything—he’d never truly known how it all affected you. He’d never seen you sob at night, sure he knew you cried, but he didn’t see it, he didn’t notice how broken you truly were.

“I’m sorry.” Joaquin spoke softly “I’m so sorry—baby—I didn’t know. I just—I didn’t realize how bad things were until it was all over. And I was just so angry all the time, everything made me so mad. Then I’d see you, but everyone was always gravitating towards you, and it makes sense because you’re beautiful, funny and so intelligent, but it bothered me.”

He paused, now stepping closer to you, hesitating before gently caressing your face, angling it towards him, away from the ground. His thumbs softly wiping your tears away.

“I was so insecure and jealous and downright mean, and I’m sorry for putting you through hell. You meant the world to me—hell you still mean the world to me. I’ve been so angry this whole time, I thought I was mad at you, but I was mad at me. Mad that I’d fucked up so bad, mad that things hadn’t worked out, that I stopped trying.”

You leaned into his hand, teary eyes now looking into his.

“I’ve never stopped loving you. I want you to know that, even if nothing comes from it. I’ll always love you, there’s nobody in this universe that gets me the way you do, I know it’s been years, but I don’t think I’m ready to just let you go again.”

Joaquin’s vulnerability shocked you, not because you didn’t think he was capable, but because this Joaquin, this was your Joaquin. This is the man that you’d fallen in love with.

“I never wanted you to let me go, Joaquin.” 

He’d been the one to suggest the divorce, and it had taken a few months of fights before you’d actually considered it. 

By that point, Joaquin was rarely sleeping with you, and the only time the two of you weren’t fighting was when you were both on base at work. Outside of that, the fights and arguments were constant, an unrelenting cycle, and you had finally hit your breaking point.

The last major fight before the divorce ended in you screaming at him before tossing a large yellow envelope on the kitchen island.

You both signed the papers that night. Then the filing process started.

That night you cried into the stuffed bear that he’d won for you at a carnival when you were nineteen. It was one of your first real dates, and you’d been so excited when he’d managed to actually win the ring toss three times in a row, scoring the large panda bear, giving it to you with a dopey smile on his face.

“Please—give me a second chance, I’ll do everything right this time—I won’t fall back into old shitty habits—I promise baby” his voice was strained as he tried not to cry. It took everything in him to not fall to his knees to beg for you back.

You sighed, pulling away from him as you shook your head.

“Joaquin, I think time apart might’ve been what we needed. But I still see the way you look at people around me, I still see the same shitty habits, and honestly, I think we might be better apart for now. We both have stuff to work through, but I won’t up and disappear from your life again”

He nodded as you spoke, biting his bottom lip, watching as you shrugged, sadness pooling in your teary eyes.

“I can’t be your wife again—not now at least. But maybe one day when we’re in a better spot.”

Joaquin sniffled a bit, looking up at the roof, then back at you. “One day for sure.” 

Then you kissed him, it was soft, hesitant, but he knew it wasn’t a welcoming kiss. It was similar to the last kiss you’d given him the day your divorce finalized. As if you were saying goodbye again.

Joaquin only hoped that the goodbye would be temporary.

-

Thanks for reading my lovers <3 as always feedback is appreciated!!!

[beelanddiavolosimp-blog]

Me in the obey me universe is such an awful idea

I am so touch starved that if one of them hugged me I'd cry 😭

I'd also be severely horny too though (asmos is scared that his sin lights up whenever I'm around) on that note...

Things I think would make me happy/horny from the brothers as a touch starved Mc

Lucifer

His hands and eyes. I can not keep eye contact I either get flustered or pissed off when someone stares at me too long I do not like being perceived😭 but I do love pretty eyes I always stare way too much (when the person isn't looking) that being said Lucifers sharp beautiful red eyes will definitely send me back to middle school when my face would turn red (I'm an embarrassing mf) and oh my I have always thought gloved hands from sexy butlers or vampires and yes demons ofc are just so fucking hot that I would always subconsciously try and touch his hand by refrain cuz I'm a loser 😞

Mammon

How handsy he is and the amount of skin he shows. I have never had much physical touch from my partners they were always either too sexual not too loving so if Mammon were to gently hold my waist or hand I would freak out most likely. I love muscle and tan men (I am tan myself what can I say😌) and I will immediately zone in on any skin shown

Levi

Definitely his hands and believe it or not his face. His hands are definitely those gamer hands that are soft but slightly veiny and just UGH I'd be eyeballing them heavily. And if he were to ever get the courage to touch me I am immediately all over them. His face when flustered is something I would absolutely be turned on by because I like a little bit of power over pathetic men so making him flustered with light flirting would send me into a frenzy

Satan

Okay listen his voice and hair. His voice is just...idk like a 'oh my' when you hear it type of voice. Not too soft but definitely not too deep it's just perfect. And I have a voice kink so yeah. Now I'm usually not into blondes but when I am I adore their fluffy hair so much. I feel like raking my hands through his hair would warm my heart and calm me

Asmos

I feel like he would understand my girl issues a lot. He would be like that gay friend who always has a pad or something like that. I was never very feminine when younger so I am just now learning everything and I feel like he would help so much with my feminine stuff

Beel

Definitely his size and muscles. I don't know why I love larger men they just always make me feel safe so if I were to just sit in Beel's lap or have him hug me I'd be so at ease and calm nothing would scare me. Now I love muscles ofc not too much but got biceps? Yes. Back muscles? Lord yes. Abs? Don't even get me started. I just get way too horny for those and beel definitely has them

Belphie

His smirk and his sassy-ness. I love me some sassy men they always make me feel like I'm talking to myself because I'm very sarcastic and sassy as well so if you match my energy I will feel more at ease with you. Now he looks more emo out of all his brothers and my god when emo boys smirk it makes me weak. Like yes sir I'll do anything you ask of me 🥴

Maybe I'll do the side characters idk if people will like this 😭

[tom-is-online]

hello !! love your art btw it’s amazing and I adore the style :3

only draw this if you want to (AND IM ALSO SO SORRY IF SOMEONE ASKED YOU THIS ALREADY)

but erm what’s your favorite focus outfit for Akito and Toya so far :3

Maybe I am #emo idk, shoutout to the fucking moon i guess, gay ppl love that shit. These fits go mega hard tho

Also tysm I'm happy you like my art :)

[scarletlizzard]

OH I SEE YOURE TAKING REQUESTS...what about emo!wanda x emo!reader but wanda is like >:( and reader is more ^_^ happy and then reader is best friend's bucky and wanda is so jealous. idk it can be fluff or smut !! ( i tried to be a little more specific

Jealousy

Pairing: wanda x female reader

Tags Minors DNI: smut, wanda in a skirt, fingering (R receiving), little arguing, jealousy!

A/N: Hiii anon! Thank you soo much for your request!! It's been a busy week sorry for being late, but I hope this is okay and you enjoy jealous Wanda 😊

Wanda knows deep down that you would never cheat on her. She knows how much you loved her, how much you cared about her. In the time she's spent here at the Avengers campus, she's only ever taken a real liking to you, not interested in truly getting to know the others. And you, thankfully, gave her everything she needed.

But right now, she couldn't help the heavy feeling in her chest as she watched you with your best friend.

She stood with her arms crossed, biting down on her lip so hard it may just bleed, staring at you and Bucky. Wanda watches as your hand touches his arm, your head thrown back in a fit of laughter. He smiles at you with fond eyes, and oh, she can't take it anymore.

"Having fun?" She asks, words coming out more bitterly than she had planned.

"Wanda!" You say, and the way you beam at her almost makes her feel guilty. Then Bucky turns too, with his arm slung around your shoulder.

"Come to join in? We could actually use your help. It turns out both of us are shit at baking," Bucky jokes, and you both laugh, looking at the mess around the kitchen.

Your smile fades, though when you see the seriousness in Wandas face. Buckys arm slowly slides off of you, scratching his head awkwardly in the silence. Wanda tilts her head and okay, you were fucked.

"Actually, you know," Bucky clears his throat and looks at the time. "I was supposed to meet Steve for training a little bit ago." His metal arm pats your shoulder, giving you a good luck look before walking out of the kitchen.

"Baby... what's wrong?" You frown and walk around the counter to her, your hands moving up to her shoulders. She shrugs you off, crossing her arms. "What's your problem?" You ask, annoyed she was pushing you away.

"What's my problem?" Wanda spits out, a sarcastic laugh leaving her lips. "My problem is you two are always all over each other! He's always looking at you like he wants to fuck you!"

"That's not true!" You defend, raising your voice to match hers. "Bucky is my best friend, that's it! That's all we've ever been, all we will be."

"Right, okay. You're literally always hanging out with him, I dont see why you have to spend so much time together." She rolls her eyes.

"We're friends!"

"Friends don't eye fuck the other friend! Don't be so stupid."

Your eyes widen at her words.

"Sorry you don't have any friends to hangout with because you fucking hate everyone." You cross your arms, dishing it out as she does.

"Fuck you," Wanda replies.

"Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you have to take it out on me."

Her eyes shoot daggers at you.

"Jealous? I am not jealous." She seethes, taking a step forward. Your back hits the counter as you take a step back, her usually soft green eyes dark as she peers into yours.

"You are so jealous." You bite your lip, taking in her angry appearance. She wore your zip-up jacket over her shirt, a dark skirt around her hips. Her fingernails were still black from when she painted them the other day.

Wanda doesn't speak, she only takes another step, pressing her chest against yours. The tension between the two of you built up with every word spoken.

"I'm not jealous, Y/N. You want to know why?" She asks, her hands move to the counter behind you, trapping you in her presence. You only look up in reply, with a questioning look. "Because you're mine. And if I have to remind you of that again, I will."

Wandas eyes flash red, and you feel yourself being lifted a few inch onto the counter.

"Wanda, what are you-" You look around the empty kitchen and to her, who is now level face to face. Her hands moved to your thighs, spreading them apart, and you've never been more grateful for stealing one of her shorter skirts this morning.

"What if someone walks in?" You ask, feeling the wetness pool in your panties at the way she kisses your neck.

"Hopefully, it'll be him." She mumbles, and your cheeks burn red at the possibility. You feel her fingers slide your soaked panties to the side. You grip onto the jacket she wore, pulling her as close as possible.

"So wet, detka... tell me who made you this way," Wanda whispers, and you feel her fingers dip inside of you easily. You bite back a moan as she begins to move them.

"You, Wanda.. fuck - just you," you lean forward, pressing your face against her neck as she fingers you right there.

"Don't hide those pretty moans, let me hear you."

"I'm yours!" You moan out.

"Say it again."

"I'm yours, Wanda," you pant against her skin, her fingers thrusting inside of you at a quicker pace. When you feel her thumb press against your clit you feel that familiar burn in the pit of your stomach.

"Nobody else is allowed to touch you like this except for me." She whispers against your neck and bites down, marking you as hers. You nod desperately, holding onto her as tight as you can.

"Baby, I-I'm so close," you moan into her ear as her fingers work inside of you, and she smirks at the delightful whimpers that leave your lips.

"That's my good girl... let go detka. Tell them who you belong to," she says, forcing your head out of the crook of her neck. Her grip is strong in your hair, and your legs tremble around her. It's not long before you pathetically are moaning, "Wanda!" Into the kitchen, releasing onto her fingers, your panties now drenched.

Wanda takes all you have and removes her fingers from inside you, slipping them into her mouth. Her eyes burn red at the taste, and she pulls you into a heated kiss, making you taste yourself on her tongue.

You pull back to catch your breath, letting your head hit her shoulder hard. She chuckles at how cute you were and wraps her arms around you, you do the same. The two of you hold each other for a moment as you sit on the counter still.

"I'm sorry, for saying what I said..." Wanda says, her voice soft. Your fingers move in circles on her back.

"I know... I'm sorry, too. I promise there's nothing going on between us. I love you so much." You kiss her jaw, and she smiles.

"I don't hate everyone, you know," she jokes, lightening the mood. "I especially love you."

You can't help but laugh, pulling back to see the now playful look on her face. Wandas soft spot for you made your chest swell, you loved how different she treated you.

"You only love me," you giggle and kiss her nose. She groans and rolls her eyes.

"Fine, you're right," she chuckles and leans forward to give you a sweet kiss.

A noise from behind you pulls you from her kiss, you see Bucky standing in the doorway clearing his throat. You hop off the counter, feeling Wandas arm wrapp protectively around your waist.

"Forgot my phone," he says with a hint of pink on his cheeks and points to the phone next to you. You watch as the phone glows red, and it's suddenly floating in the air towards him. He catches it as it drops in front of him.

You turn to Wanda, watching her eyes return to green with an unbothered look on her face.

"You know, you kinda really scare me. I like it," Bucky says to Wanda, a smile taking over his face. You groan and put a hand over your face. Wanda can't help the smirk on her face, satisfied with herself as the man leaves with a wave.

"Happy?" You ask, turning to look at her satisfied smirk. You take her hand in yours, feeling the cool metal of her rings against your fingers.

"Very," she beams down at you, kissing your cheek.

[burningcheese-merchant]

If the Beasts/Ancients had signature pokémon (or were pokémon themselves) what do you think they would be? I just know White Lily needs to be a fairy type

Do you have the slightest idea how happy I am to have gotten this ask

Time to flex my encyclopedic knowledge + almost 20 years of playing Pokémon

(Note: gonna stick to just assigning types to them, if that's ok)

A N C I E N T S

Pure Vanilla as a Pokemon: Normal/Psychic (thought of Normal/Fairy, but I thought Psychic may suit him better bc of his magic + the Light of Truth + the association with intelligence/knowledge the Psychic type has always had)

Pure Vanilla as a trainer: The very first Pokemon that came to my mind was Audino. Something about Vanilla says he'd be an Audino guy. I'm not even sure what it is, Blissey would probably be slightly more fitting, but I keep imagining him being besties with an Audino and it's adorable to me

Hollyberry as a Pokemon: Normal/Fighting, I think (or perhaps Fairy/Fighting, because of Fairy's power over and invulnerability towards Dragon)

Hollyberry as a trainer: Hmm... Bastiodon kind of feels like the easy way out tbh. Tinkaton would be funny (but suits Princess a lot better imo). Chesnaught reflects her fighting style and personality pretty well... Chesnaught it is

Dark Cacao as a Pokemon: Dark/Fighting for sure (I considered Dark/Ice as well, but I just can't ignore the Fighting type for him. I feel like I'd be committing a crime if I did. Also, I don't think he's actually from the Great Icing Ridge? It's not super clear, but Might of the Ancients made it seem like he was a traveler from somewhere else. That could perhaps be used as justification for shelving the Ice type for him. (Also also you don't NEED to be Ice-type to live in cold places, plenty of other types seen in snowy biomes in Pokemon)

Dark Cacao as a trainer: Man would be rocking a Kingambit, change my mind

Golden Cheese as a Pokemon: Ground/Flying, duh. (Or maybe Rock/Flying? Ground seems better idk)

Golden Cheese as a trainer: It's hard. There are so many Pokemon that would suit her imo. Sableye. Diancie. Persian (Kantonian or Alolan, doesn't matter). Unfezant (female, the Pokedex repeatedly lists them as superior fliers). But... keeping with the lore of both CRK and Pokemon... I think, after she wakes up and reenters the world, all Golden should have is the one Sigilyph left in the entire desert, who chose to be loyal to her and the kingdom to the very end and beyond

Just want to note that Golden Cheese would be besties with Olivia and you cannot change my mind on that

White Lily as a Pokemon: Grass/Fairy with some Dark-type moves available in her movepool as a nod to her being Dark Enchantress, change my mind

White Lily as a trainer: FLORGES! WHITE FLOWER FORM! RAAAAHHHHHHH

B E A S T S

Shadow Milk as a Pokemon: Dark/Psychic, duh

Shadow Milk as a trainer: this one is tough tbh. Malamar? Banette? Zoroark (Unovan)? Probably Malamar due to its natural malevolence and hypnotism powers tbh (but the other two are so compelling... why did I limit myself to an ace for each of them...). Also, I think he would've had a Slowking as a hero

Eternal Sugar as a Pokemon: leaning towards Fairy/Poison, latter because I've already been imagining her as a succubus of some sort and Poison suits that better (yes I know she has wings, Flying is a basic bitch answer and not all winged Pokemon are classified as Flying-types)

Eternal Sugar as a trainer: Komala is right there... but so is Musharna :/ (lots of "dream eater" Pokemon would suit her probably. Which is funny bc most of those are Ghost-types lol)

Mystic Flour as a Pokemon: Psychic at the very least. Not sure about a second type though... (or just make her Mewtwo from the anime/movies, they've got the same genocidal emo attitude lol)

Mystic Flour as a trainer: Girlie gets an Espeon, the end. (Maybe she knew Jirachi once upon a time)

Burning Spice as a Pokemon: Fire/Fighting (thought of Fire/Dark too, but... same deal as with Cacao, if I didn't add Fighting I'd probably go to jail)

Burning Spice as a trainer: Incineroar Incineroar Incineroar Incineroar Incineroar Incineroar Incineroar- (he'd suck ass as a trainer though, just because I know he'd treat his Pokemon terribly, the same way he mistreats the Wild Spices...)

Silent Salt as a Pokemon: Dark/Steel. Like. Come on lol

Silent Salt as a trainer: Something else that would land me in prison is not giving Salt an Aegislash lol. Or maybe a Bisharp. And a Corviknight. (Perhaps he would have met Cobalion while he was still a hero)

I'M STARTING TO IMAGINE A POKEMON AU NOW. LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME. I'VE GOT, LIKE, EIGHT OTHER AUs I'M JUGGLING IN MY HEAD ALREADY. NOW I WANT TO MAKE UP ANGST FOR GOLDIE AND THAT SIGILYPH. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS

(you can atone for your sins by asking me for full teams for each of these good-for-nothing short stacks)

[biromantic-nerd]

Happy Wincest Wednesday!

So, last week, jinkieswouldyoulookatthis mentioned that canonically, Dean has watched "Lost Boys" many, many times, and that is one of her favorite movies so she would love to watch it with him and Sam to get to see what his favorite parts are and generally have that experience. And it was really interesting and I liked hearing it. So. In that vein.

If you could do one thing with Sam and Dean, what would it be? It doesn't have to be something they've done in canon, either.

- @schizosamwincester

Oooh fun.

Okay so without a doubt, what I want to do with Sam is listen to him talk. I know I'd love to hear him go "so get this - " like YEAH 🥰 I would LOVE to get that thank you, Sam ❤️💖 That is, like, my immediate thought. I want it soooo badly. [sidenote: I would also love to hear Jared talk. He has SUCH a way and his thought process and eloquence is so so interesting and I am always like 'whoa' every time he talks bc he puts SUCH thought into things and cares so much. Redirecting the side note back to Sam lol -> I think Sam would be similar to that, just a little more talk AT you whereas Jared really tries to draw his conversation partner(s) into the conversation and CONVERSE with each other. Make that connection.]

Dean, I'm not so sure! Maybe it's a little cliche but I'd probably want to take a ride in Baby. A couple hours to nowhere. When you are driven by a good driver, it's really relaxing to watch all the scenery go by. However this isn't as interactive as I'd like if I could suddenly interact with Dean, so I feel like it'd be a waste of my opportunity, you know?

OH I KNOW!!! I know what I want to do with Sam!!! I desperately want to dress him up! I would LOVE to dress him in some femme clothes especially. And Sam I promise I could do your makeup! I KNOW the tricks for that eyeshape!! And I know what it's like to have sensory issues and do "minimal" makeup to get around them. I will be so so so good at doing Sam's makeup (and of course I need to do a couple variations! "Natural" and emo/scene and "night" makeup and just! Lots of color options! AND SO MANY LIPSTICKS!) and I will dress him up in soooo many outfits! Femme ones I KNOW would look good on him but also! Sam I will introduce you to sensory issue friendly material listen to me!! But also I will be putting you in dresses and skirts and then of course all the emo/scene things I NEED to see him in.

Oddly, I know a lot of people would kill to do his hair but beyond barrettes and clip on bows or flowers or headbands, I really don't want to. I love his hair as is - no matter the style - and while maybe I'd put him in ponytails or space buns ONCE, it's much more enjoyable to me to imagine him with his usual hair, unsettled by me. Although I WOULD be putting him in cute hats.

Dean is a lot harder for me to imagine doing an activity with but I would enjoy dressing him up too. But it'd be pretty similar to canon! S1 s2 Dean with the jewelry and a teensy bit of grunge and - OMG ! I would out eyeliner on him!!!! I've never put eyeliner on someone with that eyeshape BUT!!! I KNOW he'd look amazing and it's pretty simple after getting used to Sam's eyelid shape (the almond shape + the fold where the is crease is needs different application than eyes without those. I'm telling you I have it down.) and ESPECIALLY I would go heavy on the lower lashes. Very y2k Mary Kate and Ashley type of look. His eyes would look HUGE and the green would stand out so much.

Okay so! Dolling them up is my best answer until I think of actual activities. Like idk maybe play Cards Against Humanity? Actually that'd be pretty fun.

Doll them up and THEN play Cards Against Humanity (and probably other board games!) so that I could look at them and enjoy them dolled up. Oh man actually they would use their wincest mind sync and KILL me in any board game that involves opinions and preferences like Cards Against Humanity. Hm.

Well, I'd still LOVE to dress them up and above all I would LOVE to listen to Sam talk.

Movie wise, maybe I'd like them to see To Woo Fong, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar. or maybe Romancing the Stone. Interstellar or Inception would be fun bc I would love to hear Sam and Dean's thoughts on them. Forcing them to watch Titanic would be fun bc they'd be like 'well OBVIOUSLY it's worth it to die for the person you love' and be so incestual about it. Tv shows: Leverage would be really fun with them. If I showed them Merlin BBC it might inflict too much damage. If they haven't seen The Princess Bride, then I WILL enlighten them. Maybe even watch it even if they have. It's soooo good.

[bookie-bookdust]

HELLO THERE:

You can call me Bookie, Bookdust, a simp - I don't care. I am happy to brain rot about many things, but the little demon in my head makes me hyperfixate over Hogwarts Legacy, metalcore/alt/emo music, and writing. Feel free to reach out to me and say hi! My inbox is open.

Ravenclaw - INFJ - Gemini sun, Cancer moon, Libra rising - Tired

I'm an adult and share NSFW content. That being said, I write a variety of teen to explicit-rated stories/posts. You should always assume my characters are 18+ unless stated otherwise. I'm also on tiktok at bookdust_

FAN FICTION (the literature🧐):

Where you can read my deranged writing:

ao3 - I am most active here. This is also where I post all of my chapter fics and one shots.

Wattpad - I'll post all chapter fics and some of my one shots here. I hate WP, and I don't have the patience for it.

That's it lol. If you find my garbage anywhere else, let me know because then I'd have to go break some legs.

✨Chapter Fics:

Sebastian Sallow Fucking Sucks (SSFS) - Taking place after Sebastian calls MC ignorant following an emotional and tumultuous night at the Yule Ball--and Merlin, she is fucking pissed // Definite canon divergence, extremely morally gray chaos couple, unhinged female lead, merciless flirting, forced proximity, goofy humor, hurt/comfort, a lot of angst, and dark magic being addictive. // ao3 - wattpad

✨One Shots:

Sticky Sweat. - Blackberries went well with a hot summer’s day—especially paired with Sebastian Sallow. // sex and blackberries //- ao3 - tumblr

How to Defuse a Ravenclaw - Seb finds himself violating his newest rule - do not think about fucking the Ravenclaw // porn with plot // ao3 - wattpad - tumblr

Secret for One - In which using some anti-cheating ink reveals what you and Seb were up to (kissing – the answer is kissing) // teen-rated cute and secretly conniving // ao3 - tumblr

Pass the Ring, Not the Potatoes - Seb gets the flu on Christmas Eve, the night he plans to propose, and starts...hallucinating // holiday crack // ao3

Little Sis - Anne Sallow POV where Dark Seb attempts to use the relic to heal her // Horror // ao3

When You Were His - Sebastian had this dream—he never told you—of you resting your head on his shoulder in the rain // quick sad read // tumblr - ao3

A Fucking Proper Hogwarts Welcome - The famed DADA duel of how they met // humorous one shot // ao3 - tumblr

✨My FMC:

Lucia Compari

Backstory/Facts

Moodboard

Aesthetic insta profile thingy

More here eventuallyyyy

✨Game Screenshots/Edits:

Screenshots ⬅️

✨Other fanfic related material:

Resources for FREE images, character creators, and software for your edits, book covers, and banners

Shitty Sebastian headcanons

Shitty Ominis headcanons

Stupid things Sebastian would do to get you to talk to him after a fight

Stupid things Ominis would do to get you talk to him after a fight.

Sebastian Sallow Fucking Sucks Playlist

HL characters breaking you out of detention (unhinged edition)

Where HL characters would work (unhinged modern au)

MY CREATOR POLICIES:

You do NOT have my permission to repost my writing, photos, art, and other creations without my permission especially to other websites, for your own personal use, for cover art, banners, etc.

I'm very strict on AI. You do NOT have my permission to feed my work into any form of AI software for any reason whatsoever.

I am a bookbinder myself, and you're welcome to bind my stories for personal use. I'd love to see pictures if you have pleaseeee!!! BUT keep in mind that selling books, typesets, etc is strictly prohibited for ALL fanfiction. Respect it if you want to keep fanfiction safe.

If you have any questions, my DMs are open! If you're ever unsure, you should always reach out and ask. I will answer lol. I don't get out much hahahaha.

OTHER STUPID SHIT:

Seb and MC are my OTP. I know it's boring, but if you're judging me for pixels idk what to tell ya, babe.

I do love Ominis, but Sebastian just rots my brain.

Poppy is a sweet baby angel who will smack anyone as needed. And I will smack anyone on behalf of Amit.

I have a tendency to write Anne as semi-antagonistic (swear I don't mean to idk why it keeps happening).

I love the morally gray zone of dark magic and how it affects characters. I tend to write it as an addiction.

I don't like Draco Malfoy lol.

WE NEED MORE RAVENCLAW REPRESENTATION!!!!

My female characters are gonna be messy. Always. They don't jog for fun. They have constant bedhead. Poor impulse control. Love to torture themselves. I'm on the complex female character bus, and I will run over all pedestrians.

I do NOT tolerate rudeness, bullying of any sort, misogyny, racism, or homo/transphobia. I will find you and eat your bones if you try shit. (I'll actually just ignore and block you, but you never know). Also fuck JK Rowling lol.

If you read all of this, then you've earned a tiny shard of my soul in thanks, friend. Here's to more delusion and fanfiction.

Thanks for stopping bye! 🥰

[wilfre-the-medical-bot]

(Wooooooooiooooooopioooooooooooooopioooo

Home alone for a few hours- littlest kiddos at school, that one brother at some resort [he be getting the help he needs I've been told], parents going up to have a meeting at that place to see if said brother could come home tomorrow [mother keeps asking if i will feel safe and im like "I dunno, tbh"] and just- man- I've been more productive than ever lol-

Had a small breakfast [gross- food=blegh], made friends with a spider that startled me, made myself some coffee, lost da spider [sadness 😔], drank coffee, fed and gave water to the animals, took my medicine, put up my new TF One poster, patched up a cut I found on my leg [WHY MAKE SUCH A MESS IT WAS SUCH A SMALL CUT WTF 😭], cleaned up bathroom floor [not cause of the dang cut dat mess was only on my leg it just looked messy and I was like nope can't have dat lol] vacuumed mudroom [which I really call the "Den" but idk if people would understand what I'm talking about], talked to one of my friends [they want to hang out but i cant leave 🥲] gave somebody advice for what could be good for their new leopard gecko, took the dogs outside, gave one of my dogs her medicine, gave both dogs a treat, got startled by a big fluffy bee that somehow ended up inside but soon started talking to her like I would to any animal, left and made some sugar water for said bee, came back and found not one but two wasps in that same room and freaked out [literally ran away, somehow without spilling the sugar water- I'm terrified of wasps- dunno if I'm allergic to their stings like my mother is or not-], eventually went back to open a window and placed the sugar water that I put in a bottle cap and a fake flower [I thought that maybe the bright colors would entice the buggers] on the windowsill [lost sight of the wasps- I'm scared 😟], ran back out quickly, and now I'm writing this as I sit on the couch-

Oh I've also been bouncing around giggling and screeching and yapping absolute nonsense [I think I at one point I said something about *ahem* fragging Ratchet oop 🤭] I feel so little and I'm happy wooooooooo things have been so hard lately but today I feel so alive I don't remember the last time I felt like this-

Hold on, gonna see if the bee went to the sugar water-

No but the flower fell-

And why tf am I supposed to have a "Senior Check-in" with my school guidance counselor in a few minutes like I'm on fragging break right now wtf no thankie you I don't wanna go away ya dummy calendar reminder I don't remember agreeing to this YOU WANNA FIGHT WELL THEN HAVE AT THEE 🤺

Yeeeeeeeeeeeee

GOSH DANG SNAPCHAT KEEPS STARTLING ME WITH ITS DANG NOTIFICATIONS LIKE I GET IT YOU GUYS I'LL LOOK WHEN I CAN PLEASE HOLD ON I'LL LOOK AT YOUR STORY SOON MY DEAR PLATONIC TRANS SON

I dunno if it's the coffee or that I'm just alone and free to just be myself but man I feel awesome

I COULD FIGHT THE DANG SKY HAHA 🔥

Omg I was bored and looked up "emo hair cut" on pinterest and look-

OMG WHAT I JUST WANTED TO SEE SOME HAIRSTYLES WTF LITERALLY LOOKED AT THIS AND SAID "HA" not even an actual laugh just "HA"

Ah what a day it is already-

Wow what a long post-

EeeeeeEeeeeeEEeeeeeEeeeeeEEeeeeeEeeeee)

[batwingedcherubmoved]

GUYS I CANNOT HOLD IT IN ANYMORE I MUST TISM. I MUST RANT. I MUST EXPRESS MYSELF. I MUST GNAW MYSELF OUT OF MY ENCLOSURE

here are some of my Orange side ideas or predictions or whatever. now let me cook chat. (also I'm kinda just making this before the season finale cus Thomas said he was working on it

imma put a cw here for mentions of religion, so if you don't wanna see that then U don't have to read this lmao

ok so imma kinda categorise this in different categories I guess and I'll try my best to be short and sweet about it whilst also kinda just like... explain my reasoning? (edit: I failed. DW I highlighted the main points just in case U don't wanna read all that)

what I think the side represents

what he looks like(aesthetic?)

powers???

personality? what he's gon be like?

what's his intentions??

and idk just other things I think of on the way

What does this fuck head represent in Thomas?

I think this just goes without saying but like imma say Rage or Wrath. I remember these mfs on yt (can't remember the name) saying they predict it was gonna be rage and honestly it would be so fitting.

like fr, Logan literally SNAPPING at Remus cus he wasn't being listened to and his eyes TURNING ORANGE?

Thomas being MAD at Niko to the point where he was gonna UNALIVE THE FAKE NIKO that Remus conjured up to fuck with Thomas?!

THOMAS'S JUST BEING MAD AT NIKO IN GENERAL FOR NOT ANSWERING HIM?!?!

ROMAN AT THE END OF SVS REDUX?!?!?!? BITCH WE KNOW WHATS COMING!!!!!

its just UUUUUGH I WANT THEM TO BE HAPPY BUT I LOVE THEIR INNER TURMOIL

how many stars am I gonna give him in dress to impress (aesthetics??? traits??? idk)

ok so I kinda was not quite sure about this one for a bit but then I remembered the dark sides, Remus and Janus's specifically (and I guess Patton too but like he's a "light" side but just hear me out) have had religion tied into them in some way; Janus kinda being inspired by the snake at the tree of life and even said himself "what am I doing here, am I the SNAKE COME TO TRICK YOU INTO SINNING?".(was gonna get video reference but apparently I can't have more than one video. sucks)

Remus is I guess religiously tied, using alot of religious language to mess with Thomas... like... alot...

Patton kinda just looks like a religious dad whose marriage is crumbling apart. but I think someone said that he also represents his Catholic guilt??? tho I could be wrong, I don't remember, but it fits considering he's literally the opposite of janus.

BUT ANYWAYS..... i think, clothing wise, orange could potentially dress as a priest??? or like a leader of a cult?? think robes and stuff. I mostly think of The One Who Waits from cult of the lamb or even the lamb itself since like... a the leader of the cult-... speaking of lambs. i think everyone's well aware that all the sides have a physical trait of some kind, something they take the form of I guess;

Logan= teacher

Roman= prince

Patton= dad

Virgil= (emo) spider? cat?? idk???

Janus= snake obvi

Remus= a duke and Cthulhu for some reason?

and now hear me out:

Orange= LAMB OR GOAT???!!!

correct me if I'm wrong but lambs and goats have been tied to religion alot (also I saw someone say lamb or goat as well and I think it would be so fucking cool), but if not, I have two other ideas... hear me out...

AN ANGEL?!?!

A BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ANGEL?!?!

NO CUS LIKE THEY LOOK SPOOKY ALREADY, IMAGINE IF LIKE HE WAS JUST OFF PUTTING PHYSICALLY AND PERSONALITY WISE. and also tying with with religion too

and the third, and this one is just cus I like robot characters BUT HEAR ME OUT! a specific genre of robot like GLaDOS from portal, AM from I have no mouth and I must scream (idk I haven't played the game), Cyn from murder drones, deviants in general from detroit become human. what do they have in common? (probably Ive only indulged in 3/4 medias mentioned)

FILLED. WITH. RAGE. OR. JUST. ABSOLUTELY. POWER. HUNGRY!!!!!

I feel like orange would be the mf to try and control all the sides. and just idk the fact that alot of these SciFi robot media have something to do with robots and are just filled with so much anger and hate for someone or people. idk just a silly thing I thought of.

what powers can this little bitch do

ok so I think everyone already knows that the sides have inhuman abilities (cus they aren't human but like anyways) like for example:

they can all shapeshift

they can mimic other peoples voices which I think is THE COOLEST THING EVER

they can I guess teleport??? does sinking down and rising up count as teleporting???

and I guess make Thomas see things that I guess aren't there? bitch idk

but I also do think that the sides all have INDIVIDUAL abilities only they can do:

janus can sense any lies coming from the sides (at least I think so)

Patton can turn into a frog for some reason? is there an explanation for that tho cus like?- (it's cool af tho)

I think Roman and Remus are the only ones that can conjure things up outside the MindPalace correct me if I'm wrong

Remus can give Thomas and the sides hallucinations or intrusive thoughts (cus... yk... that's what he is)

virgil can control SHADOWS?!? WHAT A FUCKING BADASS

Logan can speak through Thomas (like during Moving On part 2)

but what about orange you may ask. lets go over the obvious one first:

the ability to make a side let out any repressed anger I guess?

or I guess make a side get like... REALLY pissed off or something idk

I won't really go in depth with that one cus I think everyone knows that, but this next one I STRONGLY feel for. HERE ME OUT.

POSSESION.

now I think this will be different from how orange used his other power on Logan. BUT. the way I see it, I think that the orange side would have the ability to take FULL control of a side based on how much anger or negative feelings they're feeling, ykwim? and, now here me out, in return, kind of nullifies the effects that side has on Thomas. like for example, say Patton is all angy. bro is mayor of Angyvile. U went into an angy competition and you see Patton? you lost, bitch. anyways, the orange side, would have the ability to just be like possess him like a fucking demon. because of this, Thomas would feel less empathy, emotions, etc, because Patton is basically that. but I feel it'd look alot different than what we saw in WTIT, cus Logan was still in control of himself. but like I want it to look CREEPY AF. MAKE THEM DO SPOOKY THINGS, THOMAS. MAKE THEM LOOK POSSESSED, NOT THAT FUCKING "heh, finally. feels so good to be free 🐺😈💪💔⛓️" NO. MAKE THEM LOOK LIKE THEY'VE GOT SATAN CONTROLLING THAT BITCH. I WANT MORE SPOOKY. I also think he'd use this ability on Logan the most for obvious reasons

personality or something idk

alright so I feel like this one will be alot shorter than my other points, but personality wise... I WANT HIM TO BE A FUCKING ASSHOLE. I WANT HIM TO BE MEAN. I WANT HIM TO BE TERRIFYING, PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

I want him to be SO FUCKING MANIPULATIVE DAWG. i literally think that wrath could be the leader of the dark sides and be the one that makes Virgil (pre AA), Remus and even Janus fall for a fake sense of security whilst also using them for his personal gain and his personal gain ALONE. I want him to be a terrifying side, cus yeah, the dark sides are scary but they've been proven to not be as scary as they seem:

virgil (pre AA) was always seen as scary but even in the episode with Superwoman (aka his first appearance) it's shown that he is easy to manage. and even during and after AA, all he wanted was to protect Thomas and help him. he was just basically misunderstood

Janus is a kinda harder one to explain, but I guess its similar to virgil. all he wanted was Thomas to do something for himself (go to the callback) and practice self care, but because he is the embodiment of Deceit, he kinda just is seen as a purely bad thing. Thomas says it say better at the end of SVS redux.

Remus I feel is alot different. he's a fucking asshole cus he wants to be, he's not all "I want Thomas to just be happy and I want to do what's best for him" NO. he wants to make Thomas's life HELL, or just turn him into a professional people opener. BUT, in DWIT, Logan has proven that Intrusive thoughts can be dealt with and that they're not as scary as Thomas thinks.

I want orange to be so terrifying as a concept that not even Logan can make an argument where Thomas can deal with him. I want him to be so fucking bad that not even Patton wants to be his friend. but like make him a silly guy :) (also I feel like the orange side and Remus would be besties)

what does this bitch WAAAANT

ok so this one will be quite short. but I feel like the orange side would want Thomas to live a life where he takes revenge on the people who have wronged him. maybe try to make Thomas into a professional people opener. that's why I think orange and Remus would get along so well. if rage blinds morality and logic, then Intrusive thoughts can become reality. thats what I think at least. I feel like the orange side would try and trap the other sides and repress them somehow, except Remus and Janus.

ok that's it

[eriochromatic]

As a character, what do you love most about Silco? As a subject matter, what do you enjoy drawing about him most? (personally, I love his nose), but his fashion ... GOD. I would love to see your take on Happy AU Silco's wardrobe options!

Also, do you do concept art for video games or animation for a living? Your work is so professional, I especially admire your coloring!

I think for fictional characters in general, I love those who have really strong convictions and would do anything for those set of ideals, and then the narrative continuously tests them and pushes them to the edge. Whether or not the character follows through in their ideals or finally reaches their limit doesn't matter to me, I just like seeing them wrangle with their decisions lol

This is why I didn't like s1 Jayce (who to me was a candle in the wind) but I loved s2 Jayce- for s2 Jayce's arc basically revolved entirely around Viktor, from the beginning where he made the decision to bring him back w/ the hexcore (despite Viktor telling him to destroy it), to the end where Jayce basically decides to die with Viktor in the ether. Jayce was brought to his absolute limit and we got to see him grapple with the decisions that he had to make.

Silco was the same in s1, to me he goes through his own personal "corruption arc" in the sense that in s1e9 he betrays his own ideals for Jinx and finally understands Vander's position. He and Vander probably started out as the same idealists, and then the narrative kept punching him in the gut and forged him into who we saw in s1e1. A lot of this is off screen but just the idea of him (after his fight with Vander) sort of losing his moral compass bit by bit which all culminates to producing shimmer just to prove how much he's willing to fight for Zaun, and then later on realizing there is a final line he won't ever cross...

Honestly even if he did cross that line and went like "haha I don't actually care about Jinx" I would still love him as a character (just in a massively different way since he would be like. A completely different person. Idk I watched the Penguin recently and I still fucking love Oz and also my favorite asoiaf character is Stannis so. LMAO.)

Sorry this turned into a bit of a rant HAHAHA but as for your other questions, yes I love drawing his nose as well, honestly it's funny seeing young Silco art that doesn't have his nose where he just becomes an emo anime boy. I'm just like who are you that's not Silco thats Simon LOL

Idk about specifically designing other outfits for Silco though, I just draw him in what feels right for the moment (?) I guess my art process currently is more like "what am I trying to tell with this" rather than just playing dress up dolls (not that there's anything wrong with that! Just not my thing) Like, for that AU last drop thing I drew, Silco, Mylo, and Claggor are all wearing smth more casual since the vibe was like 10am on a Sunday morning but Powder is wearing her normal clothes since she just pulled an all nighter with Ekko (well ok they fell asleep at like 5am before Ekko rudely ran away lol), and Vander was already up anyways probably to do bar admin stuff idk.. so if you're asking me directly what I think is in Silco's wardrobe I'm kind of drawing a blank fjskdmmsmfd

And yes I do concept art/illustration for video games for a living :)

[deepspacenova]

NOVA we've got SO MUCH to talk about. How are you doing post livestream? What are your thoughts on these new cards and event? Sylus' card has me SO emotional and Caleb's card? The howls moving castle pose? And Zaaaaayne 🥺🥺🥺 melting in a puddle on the floor, just a little bit (a lot, actually)

KAIIIII BRACE YOURSELF I AM ABOUT TO ABSOLUTELY YAP YOUR EAR OFF!!

First, I'm feeling really excited about all the stuff we'll be getting (once again, greedy :p), and also about the quality of game updates! To have actual backgrounds for the Quality Times and so many more ways to interact with them is really nice.

Oh and of course the Sleep Time feature, I know you'll get me when I say that there's something just so intimate about sharing the vulnerability of sleeping together? Especially for some of these men who have been through it and might find it hard to sleep peacefully (like Raf and Caleb) or sleep at all (like Sylus and Zaynie kins).

AND THE WEDDING EVENT

I love the parallels and references they all have (as usual, this game is not afraid of tying older memories, myths, and voice lines into the newer cards): the abysswalker background coming to life for Raf's setting, the cathedral window for sylus, the paper cranes and the sky train for Caleb, etc.

I am going feral for Caleb in the Howl pose ljkfdhsd I think the thing that got me the most was mc's ease with being in that position with him 🥹 she was floating and twirling with such happiness and it just showed her utter trust in Caleb to support her and hold her steady. I'm also probably looking into it too much but i feel like there's also a lovely symbolism there of Caleb also holding himself up? Idk it feels like a bit of a growth moment bc usually his vision is tunneled on mc and in this he's doing this for both of them, guiding himself into something new.

It's probably because he's my ultimate husband (well, i guess not yet lol) but Sylus' card I think pricked my heart the most because there seemed to be so much heartache in his moments. Even down to his words 'until doomsday itself actually arrives' and his body language. There seemed to be a part of him either in disbelief or in... mourning? during his snippets.

Zayne's card also made me really emo 🖤🥺 having them dancing together on a snowflake?! In a library?! (in THE library?!) Every knife in my heart was twisted that much deeper when i saw that. And HIS voice lines?! 'We'll always see them bloom. Together.'

'I want to be the person who's always by your side when you find happines' HELPP MEEE the emotional damage i've sustained ;-;

Anyway those lines and the generic 'overly-whimsical' and dreamlike nature of these cards made this feel like there's definitely something behind these 'weddings' and that they're not going to be what a wedding is at face value, maybe another simulation? Maybe another AU? The dresses were so pretty though im not a big wedding person but im going to have SUCH a hard time choosing which is my fave fkdhksfd

ANYWAY SO SORRY FOR RAMBLING thank you for making sure im alive ilyyyyy xoxoxo