#if that’ll. help in any way

[frogaroundandfindout]

Nightwing tells Batman he’s going to be a cop and Batman wonders what more he can do as Bruce Wayne (Detective Comics #725)

[heireign]

she is absolutely hypercritical toward herself, and no one else — she’s never quite ? she’s rarely ever wholly satisfied with anything she does, and more often then not believes that there IS always more to be done.

[muontron]

It’s so hard to be exceptional while being normal in a family full of exceptional people . and I really don’t wanna seem like that “smart kid that complains over getting a 98% instead of 100” but those 2 points really matter in the grand scheme of things especially when the 98 is instead an 88 and when I have a pathetic average of Bs and the occasional A and whatever seems so bad compared to my genius family members and it sucks that because of one singular weakness I’ll never be as good as them, when I was raised so well qwith so many more opportunities than them anf yet I still do worse. why? ill never know and it’s making it hard to give it my all

[dihalect]

accidentally killed my cookie clicker game that’s been going since the summer of 2023 :(

[flowering-darkness]

hmmm.

one selfship piece a month.

I think I will make that my resolution for this year.

[eyelessmp3]

my supervisor. my eye is twitching.

[girlasterisk]

tbh you could put any combination of cap quartet tg and i will agree

[mckinlily]

Plot armor but it’s Bruce Wayne’s wealth.

Bruce is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce does not want to be one of the richest men in world.

He starts by implementing high starting salaries and full health care coverages for all levels at Wayne Enterprises. This in vastly improves retention and worker productivity, and WE profits soar. He increases PTO, grants generous parental and family leave, funds diversity initiatives, boosts salaries again. WE is ranked “#1 worker-friendly corporation”, and productively and profits soar again.

Ok, so clearly investing his workers isn’t the profit-destroying doomed strategy his peers claim it is. Bruce is going to keep doing it obviously (his next initiative is to ensure all part-time and contractors get the same benefits and pay as full time employees), but he is going to have to find a different way to dump his money.

But you know what else is supposed to be prohibitively expensive? Green and ethical initiatives. Yes, Bruce can do that. He creates and fund a 10 year plan to covert all Wayne facilities to renewable energy. He overhauls all factories to employ the best environmentally friendly practices and technologies. He cuts contracts with all suppliers that engage in unethical employment practices and pays for other to upgrade their equipment and facilities to meet WE’s new environmental and safety requirements. He spares no expense.

Yeah, Wayne Enterprises is so successful that they spin off an entire new business arm focused on helping other companies convert to environmentally friendly and safe practices like they did in an efficient, cost effective, successful way.

Admittedly, investing in his own company was probably never going to be the best way to get rid of his wealth. He slashes his own salary to a pittance (god knows he has more money than he could possibly know what to do with already) and keeps investing the profits back into the workers, and WE keeps responding with nearly terrifying success.

So WE is a no-go, and Bruce now has numerous angry billionaires on his back because they’ve been claiming all these measures he’s implementing are too expensive to justify for decades and they’re finding it a little hard to keep the wool over everyone’s eyes when Idiot Softheart Bruice Wayne has money spilling out his ears. BUT Bruce can invest in Gotham. That’ll go well, right?

Gotham’s infrastructure is the OSHA anti-Christ and even what little is up to code is constantly getting destroyed by Rogue attacks. Surely THAT will be a money sink.

Except the only non-corrupt employer in Gotham city is….Wayne Enterprises. Or contractors or companies or businesses that somehow, in some way or other, feed back to WE. Paying wholesale for improvement to Gotham’s infrastructure somehow increases WE’s profits.

Bruce funds a full system overhaul of Gotham hospital (it’s not his fault the best administrative system software is WE—he looked), he sets up foundations and trusts for shelters, free clinics, schools, meal plans, day care, literally anything he can think of.

Gotham continues to be a shithole. Bruce Wayne continues to be richer than god against his Batman-ingrained will.

Oh, and Bruice Wayne is no longer viewed as solely a spoiled idiot nepo baby. The public responds by investing in WE and anything else he owns, and stop doing this, please.

Bruce sets up a foundation to pay the college tuition of every Gotham citizen who applies. It’s so successful that within 10 years, donations from previous recipients more than cover incoming need, and Bruce can’t even donate to his own charity.

But by this time, Bruce has children. If he can’t get rid of his wealth, he can at least distribute it, right?

Except Dick Grayson absolutely refuses to receive any of his money, won’t touch his trust fund, and in fact has never been so successful and creative with his hacking skills as he is in dumping the money BACK on Bruce. Jason died and won’t legally resurrect to take his trust fund. Tim has his own inherited wealth, refuses to inherit more, and in fact happily joins forces with Dick to hack accounts and return whatever money he tries to give them. Cass has no concept of monetary wealth and gives him panicked, overwhelmed eyes whenever he so much as implies offering more than $100 at once. Damian is showing worrying signs of following in his precious Richard’s footsteps, and Babs barely allows him to fund tech for the Clocktower. At least Steph lets him pay for her tuition and uses his credit card to buy unholy amounts of Batburger. But that is hardly a drop in the ocean of Bruce’s wealth. And she won’t even accept a trust fund of only one million.

Jason wins for best-worst child though because he currently runs a very lucrative crime empire. And although he pours the vast, vast majority of his profits back into Crime Alley, whenever he gets a little too rich for his tastes, he dumps the money on Bruce. At this point, Bruce almost wishes he was being used for money laundering because then he’s at least not have the money.

So children—generous, kindhearted, stubborn till the day they die the little shits, children—are also out.

Bruce was funding the Justice League. But then finances were leaked, and the public had an outcry over one man holding so much sway over the world’s superheroes (nevermind Bruce is one of those superheroes—but the public can’t know that). So Bruce had to do some fancy PR trickery, concede to a policy of not receiving a majority of funds from one individual, and significantly decrease his contributions because no one could match his donations.

At his wits end, Bruce hires a team of accounts to search through every crinkle and crevice of tax law to find what loopholes or shortcuts can be avoided in order to pay his damn taxes to the MAX.

The results are horrifying. According to the strictest definition of the law, the government owes him money.

Bruce burns the report, buries any evidence as deeply as he can, and organizes a foundation to lobby for FAR higher taxation of the upper class.

All this, and Wayne Enterprises is happily chugging along, churning profit, expanding into new markets, growing in the stock market, and trying to force the credit and proportionate compensation on their increasingly horrified CEO.

Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in the world. Bruce Wayne will never not be one of the richest men in the world.

But by GOD is he trying.

[dagasinfilo]

as a kid the One thing i seriously wanted to Do When I Grew Up above anything else was to sing. maybe i could try to pursue that in some way

[ravensuperr]

DPx DC Prompt-Alternate Dimension Shenanigans

So instead of the usual Casper High field trip trope in the Danny Phantom fandom, imagine this time it’s Damian Wayne’s class that ends up stuck in the Infinite Realms.

Here’s how it plays out:

Damian’s class is on the way back from an overnight field trip to Washington, D.C. Everything's fine—until they stop at a rest area. The bus driver goes off to handle his business, comes back, and they get back on the road.

Then… a portal opens out of nowhere.

They don’t even have time to react. The bus gets pulled in. When they try to turn around, the portal’s already gone.

Enter: Danny Phantom.

He’s just gotten back from visiting either Pandora (weekly chat) or Frostbite (med checkup) when he stumbles on a confused group of teens, their teacher, and a parked bus in the middle of the Infinite Realms.

He blinks.

Mr. Carter (the teacher): “Our driver stopped at a rest stop—standard procedure. Then this portal opened up out of nowhere. We couldn’t stop in time. It just… sucked us in. When we tried to turn around, it was gone.”

Danny: “Ah. Natural portal. Those usually happen to planes, not buses… though, now that I think about it, ground traffic’s not unheard of. Shouldn’t have said that out loud.”

Damian (irritated): “Where exactly are we?”

Danny: “You’re in the Infinite Realm.”

Camila (raising an eyebrow): “So… another dimension?”

Zane (grinning): “Wait, does this count for my bingo card? ‘Accidentally ending up in another dimension’ was my free square.”

Priya: “Are we in space? Or some alien planet?”

Danny: “Nope. Think bigger.”

He gestures to the eerie green sky swirling above them.

Danny: “The Infinite Realm is like... glue. The glue that holds everything together. Every timeline, every dimension, every kind of power—magic, science, tech—they all touch the Infinite Realm. This place connects them all.”

Emily (deadpan): “Freaky. Multiversal glue vibes.”

Suddenly, one of the students blurts out:

Mason: “How did you die?”

The whole class turns to stare.

Mason (shrugging): “Come on—tell me you’re not curious too.”

Danny (calmly): “Okay, so, it’s super rude to ask a ghost how they died unless you’re family or really close. It’s kinda taboo.”

Leo: “Fine, then… who’s your favorite Justice League member?”

Danny (without missing a beat): “Martian Manhunter.”

Zane: “Why?”

Danny: “Because I wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up… and I love space.”

Damian (pinching the bridge of his nose): “Does anyone have a question that’ll help us get home?”

Nina (class rep): “Yeah—how are you getting us back?”

Danny: “There’s a powerful artifact that can return you to your dimension. I just need to make sure none of you wander off or tick off any local ghosts. Not all of them are thrilled to see humans here.”

Camila: “So you can take us back to Gotham?”

Danny: “Sure. Where exactly is that in the U.S.?”

Class (in unison): “…Are you serious?”

Danny: “I know it’s where Batman and his birds live. I just don’t know where it is on a map. Also, I failed geography. And I’m dead.”

Emily: “New Jersey. Gotham’s in New Jersey.”

Danny: “Cool. Everyone back on the bus. First stop: Pandora.”

Priya: “Wait—Pandora? As in Pandora’s Box?”

Danny: “Yep. She’s real. She’s super protective of it. Someone stole it once—I helped her get it back. She’s chill now. I’m going to ask her if you can hang out in her realm while I talk to two people: Frostbite and Clockwork. I need to make sure I don’t accidentally drop you off in the wrong Gotham.”

Zane: “There’s a wrong Gotham?!”

Danny: “This place touches every timeline. You don’t think there’s a version of Gotham where Batman is a vampire or something? Multiverse roulette isn’t fun.”

Class (collectively): “Yeah. No more questions.”

Camila (genuinely): “Wait—we don’t even know your name. We feel kinda rude calling you Ghost Boy.”

Danny (blinks): “Oh. Right. Just call me Phantom.”

Damian (dryly): “Just Phantom? Not your real name?”

Danny: “Not telling you that. That’s basically the same as asking how I died. Still rude.”

Mason: “If I die, can I change my name?”

Danny: “Yeah. You can go by whatever name you want. You’re dead. There are no rules.”

Leo: “What if someone’s, like, gay or bi or trans? Does that matter?”

Danny: “Dude, we’re dead. We’ve got Pride flags engraved into dimension gates. Trans? Cool. Bi? Great. Ace? Valid. Nobody cares. You’re free to be whoever you are.”

Priya: “Okay but… what if someone was transitioning when they died?”

Danny: “Then the gender they identified as is the one they get. Period. No exceptions.”

Zane: “...So it’s like actual equality?”

Danny: “Yeah. Ghost society’s not perfect, but nobody here’s getting judged for who they are. You’ll probably see two ghost guys kissing before lunchtime.”

Mason: “Wait. Have you met Death?”

Danny: “Twice.”

Class: “…What?”

Danny: “Yeah. They go by Jeff.”

Class (blinking): “Jeff?”

Danny: “Says it sounds like Death. Duh.”

Damian (deadpan, to himself): “I need a week off school. Maybe two.”

Damian (out loud): “What about things like Time? Dreams? Are they ghosts, too?”

Danny (nodding): “They’re called never-born ghosts. They weren’t alive and then dead—they exist because of human concepts. Like Time? His name’s Clockwork. Depending on your religion, you’ve probably heard of him under a different name. Same ghost. Different culture.”

[monstersholygrail]

The second Squid Hybrid Suitor stumbles into your room he immediately trips over a pair of shoes by the door and flops right into what he hopes is your bed. Convenient? Yes. But also incredibly embarrassing? Yes again.

His awkward chuckle is the only sound in the room. He looks up to meet your small smiling face, not an inch of excitement in your expression. Fuck, only you could make that so sexy.

If you told him you changed your mind and that he could go but to leave the cock, he’d probably collapse in front of you and cum on the spot. But you didn’t, no instead you crawled onto the bed, hovering over him.

He was lost to your spell, far worse than any siren but just as deliciously cruel. He’d give anything for more, he was practically panting for it like it was mating season.

Maybe it was. Fuck, he should check—

His mind spins, still not believing this is completely real. But then you cup his cheek and all thoughts fly out of his cute little head till all he could think about was you and how damn good your weight felt above him, your luscious curves just within reach, and your fat ass pressed down on his crotch.

Dammit, he was so out of his depth here. A sharp needy mewl left him as you took his cock from his hand and started grinding against it.

You oozed confidence and calm as you used him so shamelessly. He was in awe of you. Especially compared to him who’s never felt the pleasure of being inside someone’s wet cunt.

You’d be his first. And he wouldn’t want it to be anyone else. You were absolutely perfect in every way. Everything you did made him so hard he could barely think.

Like right now as you slip his tentacle cock past the seam of those shorts that show off your thick drool-worthy thighs, teasing your entrance with his throbbing tip. His hips still buck as if that’ll do anything but he can’t help how his body reacts to you.

How the fuck will he not explode the moment he’s inside you?! He had to resist, had to make it seem like he was as experienced as you. That way you’d think he was as cool as you. But the truth comes pouring out.

“A-ah, just to let— nngh— fffuck, just so you know… this is m-ah-my first time. Not been with anyone, anyone else,” he stutters as he feels his cock slide through your slick folds.

Why, why, why, would he admit that? Is he an idiot? If he is it’s only when it comes to you.

You chuckle, the sound dripping with pity amusement and he groans, long pretty lashes fluttering back. He’s leaking even harder now, making you a slippery mess that has you moaning for him. A sound he’s ready to beg to hear more of.

“How cute.”

That prick of humiliation burns in his gut and it’s like you know exactly what it does to him as you slam his cock inside of you at the same exact time. Squid Hybrid Suitor gasps, stars in his eyes as he feels your tight molten walls suffocate his thick cock.

And it’s like something takes hold of him as before he realizes what he’s doing, he’s smacking your hand out of the way and replacing it with his own as he starts pounding away at you. Ruthlessly pumping his tentacle cock as deep inside of you as it can go.

A flicker of surprise passes your face, the biggest reaction he’s gotten from you, and then you’re moaning so loud for him, your pussy fluttering around his girth.

You both lose count of how many orgasms he brings you too and he has no clue how long he’s been in this room. Who cares about time when he has the sexiest person ever on top of him?

He just wants to keep slamming his cock inside your tight dripping cunt, no skill or finesse to his movements, he just keeps driving it in and out and in and out in a cycle that makes you dizzy.

What drives him the most crazy isn’t even the feeling of your walls sucking in his cock with every thrust but the way you almost refuse to moan for him. He feeds off your tiny whimpers like crumbs and he yearns to make you scream.

“Need to— mmph, fuck— fill you, pl-please,” he begs, scrambling to undress you both.

The moment he sinks into your perfect pussy, feeling the full sensation of you gripping him, milking him, it’s like a kraken is unleashed inside of him. He starts fucking into you like an absolute beast, forcing shocks of pleasure to echo throughout your body.

You can see the way he’s floundering around inside of you, his thick cock still mixing up your insides. But it’s clear he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Placing your hands on his surprisingly toned chest, you subtly help guide him.

Maintaining pace you start riding him, making his cock reach new depths, hitting places even you never knew existed. Realization dawns on his face as your cunt throbs and pulses around his shaft, already close to your next orgasm. So this is how he should be doing it, he thinks.

And he runs with it, switching positions so he’s on top of you and absolutely plowing into your depths. The sounds of your bodies smacking together, the loud squelch that follows every thrust just gets louder as you both cum over and over. Filling your pussy to the brim till it overflows and then quickly replacing it with a new load.

“Be my mate, please, baby, be my mate,” he begs, whimpering in your ear as your walls ripple around his length, just begging him to fill you again.

“W-what?” You ask weakly, your nonchalant persona cracking beneath the force of his thrusts.

“Be. My. Mate,” he whines out with each brutal smack of his hips. Holding your orgasm hostage, waiting your response.

Your eyes widen as you realize what he’s doing but for once during your courtship you give him a clear answer. Mewling out a needy yes as your next release rolls through you.

Squid Hybrid Suitor hisses in pleasure, his cock growling impossibly harder despite all the times he’s already cum inside you.

You won’t regret this decision. He’ll show you multiple times a day, as many as you need, just how good a mate he can be.

For more stories in the Deep Sea Courting series check out My Patreon for only $4!!

[alanisstonedd]

MDNI - sexual content

an: it’s that time yall…

i need a big boy to love on me like it’s his only job on this damn earth.

the slow ascent over his lap feeling more like mounting a horse. the feel of his strong hands gripping at the plush of your hips. the tug and pull at each others clothes while your lips lock in the slowest, wettest fuck. his scorching tongue in your mouth feels like he’s reaching into you for your soul already and the firm fingers in your hair make sure he gets exactly what he wants.

he can’t help but grind up into your heat on instinct, the slow roll of his hips intoxicating you. the heat spreading through your core and straight up your spine, unable to keep your mouth shut. the rhythmic back-and-forth of humping fully clothed, no time to take any clothes off. his hands sear a path over every inch of skin he can get to, yours content in his hair too focused on rocking your clit over the throbbing bulge in his shorts. a concentrated frown etched into his strong features, sparkling eyes locked on your thrown back head.

his hot mouth going straight for your bared neck, addicted to the taste of your skin. he’s laving at anything his mouth can reach, sucking at your nipples like the feel of them in his mouth alone is enough to make him bust - your whole chest glistening by the time he’s done.

the rushed struggle to stuff yourself with every thick inch he has, clothes still on, mouthing at his lips. him thrusting up into you short and fast, grunting against your collar bone, palms firmly planted on your hips. chest to chest, you can feel every breath he intakes, the outtake fanning over your wet, pebbled, buds. his solid arms caging you in, making damn sure you take everything he’s giving.

he has to back up just to see you in all your glory, pushing at your belly, still canting up into you with no problem. his mouth hangs open in bliss, floored at the the clench of you around him when he man handles you down to the hilt, hitting a spot so deep you think you see tweety birds.

he flips you both over like it’s nothing, his belly up against yours, his pudge and happy trail rubbing your clit just right. the weight he puts behind his thrusts hitting you like a mack truck. it makes you dizzy, the way he’s putting his all into it yet completely unfazed by the way you can’t shut your mouth. his lazy thumbing at your sensitive clit sending you up the wall. he keeps you on the edge for as long as you can stand, heaving breaths into his mouth from the force of his thrusts.

he’s nasty with it, biting at your lips in a sloppy kiss, tasting yourself lingering on his tongue from earlier. he’s flipping into whatever position gets the loudest moans out of you, massaging the plush of your thighs and up your back like that’ll ease the punch of his hips. he heaves into your neck, gripping at you like the heat of you around him is wearing his sanity thinner than is possible.

he don’t care about the mess, the splat splat of the wetness in between you both makes you even wetter, the gush around him calls for teeth biting, groans, and hot tongue on the column of your throat. you moan like you haven’t had a homemade meal in years - the palpable hunger for you that seeps out of him when you buck up onto his leaking dick, is only thing that can quell your hunger.

when you’re on your side, thigh stretched up in his hold, the soft muscle of him envelopes you from behind. he reaches so deep with every thrust you think he can feel how much you need his dick. it overwhelms your senses, his baccarat, your miss dior, and the thick musk of sex

FANUM, price, dadbod!simon, ony

[wainawtmai]

tags: fluff, 18+, blowjobs, semi-public sex, lots of lipstick, satoru wears elf lip shimmer don't take it up with me take it up with gege

✧˖*° thinking about going to sephora with satoru...

“This one’s cute on you, ‘toru.” You hum, spreading the elf shimmer across his pink lips. They pull up in an endearing smirk, and you couldn’t help smiling yourself, it was unfair how pretty he was.

“Really? What shade is it?” He lifted your hand to read the shade on the bottle, the pale skin of the back of his hand covered in your multicolored lipstick and eyeshadow swatches. 

You squish his cheeks together, his glossed lips pursing as you cock your head, “I like this one, ‘think I’ll get it too.” 

“Yeah?” Satoru’s arms circle your waist as he pulls you in closer, pressing his lips to yours in a messy and unecessary kiss. You’re sure people are staring and are breathless when he pulls away, smiling down at you innocently, “looks good on you.” 

You glance at a nearby mirror, “god, you’re such a perv.” You swipe at the residue across your upper lip and press your lips together, “but you’re right, should we match, babe?” 

Satoru nuzzles his face into your neck as he smirks at you in the mirror, “I dunno, I think it kinda looks better on me.” 

“Does it?” 

“Mhm, I mean if I walk out of the store like this there’ll be a mob.” He presses a kiss to your neck, arms still circled around your hips, “you already have a hard enough time with me as is, baby, I wouldn’t want to give you any more trouble.” He gives you a ridiculous pout in the mirror and you flick him in the forehead, pulling yourself from his grasp and sauntering to another isle. 

You’re scrutinizing a wine colored Dior lipstick when Satoru totters after you, holding your already full basket of makeup. “That’ll look pretty on you.” He muses, eyeing a YSL burgundy colored lipstick before tossing it in the cart, “Ooh, and that one.” He grasps another violet lipstick beside it, “this one too.”

“Really? B-But I’m scared you’ll outshine me.” You say with a fake pout and Satoru chuckles. 

“i know, baby, not everyone can look this good.” He lilts arrogantly and you pinch his cheek, laughing as he winces. 

You glance back down at the red lipstick in your hand, scrutinizing the label, “Hm, says this is transfer and water proof. But I feel like they always lie.” 

“Really?” He says, hands finding their way around your waist once again, you can see his grin in the mirror, the one you know spells trouble, "Let’s buy it and test it out then.” Satoru murmurs into your ear.

You shake your head shamefully at him and place the red lipstick in the cart...But there’s already a smile pulling at your lips, “You’re right, and we can try out the other one’s out as well.” 

✰

“seems Dior doesn’t disappoint.” You murmur, glancing at your lips in your compact mirror. The lipstick hadn't budged one bit, still perfectly dark red and in place upon your lips.

Satoru on the other hand…“You look soo prettyy, baby.” He slurs, completely and utterly overstimulated, cheeks flushed and eyes lidded. “Red is your color, girl.” You laugh at his delirium and he giggles in response, brushing a trembling thumb across your painted lips. 

“Thanks, babe,” You smile, pressing a kiss to his finger, “Let’s check one more time, you know I like to be sure about my makeup.” 

Satoru’s eyes widened despite the stiffness quickly returning to his trembling cock, “I-I don’t think I can anymore, baby.” He tries, giving you a nervous smile.

“C’monn, this was your idea, 'toru.” The second Satoru handed his black card to the cashier at sephora, the two of you sauntered across the mall to a department store, with striped black and white bags in hand (or more in Satoru’s hands), and grabbed a random article of clothing before piling into the dressing room. That was only what, three orgasms ago..?

“And it’s already hard for me.” You murmured, stroking his cock in your warm grasp, acrylic nailed-fingers slick with his cum. “You don’t want to help me anymore, baby?” You asked with furrowed eyebrows, your red lips down in a pout, and fuck he couldn't refuse you when you look at him like that. 

“I-I do, it’s just—ah” You don’t give him a chance to finish as you take him into your mouth again, his thick length slowly disappearing between your lucious red lips. Satoru gives a nervous laugh, moaning at the feeling of your perfect tongue sliding along his cock. “Fuuuck, baby.”

It doesn’t help that you’re making little moans in the back of your throat as you do it, the little vibrations sending tingles throughout his whole body and he has to remind himself that he can’t be loud. 

You pull off him with a sigh, lips shiny with his pre but still so gorgeously red, “You gotta be rough with me, 'toru, c’mon. I know you love fucking my mouth.” 

If he wasn’t so fucked out he’d give a snide reply, but he doesn’t understand how he hasn’t passed out as you fasten your lips around him again. He’s whimpering as you deep throat him, then sifting his fingers through your hair and forcing you down on his cock, whining a little at the surprised sound you make as you slightly choke on him. 

Tears are springing to your eyes now and you’re struggling to breath, but there’s a thrill in that, you’re sure your panties are drenched and you’re dripping all over the carpeted floor of this department store changing room. Satoru’s practically drooling as he moans and whimpers, his words all gibberish as he sloppily fucks your throat. And then he pushes you down to the base, your nose nestled into his soft pubic hair as he empties his load down your throat. Somehow that makes you moan louder than he does. 

You ignore the urge to overstimulate him further, pulling off his softening cock and pressing a kiss to his stomach, “good job, Satoru," you coo, "you’re so good for me.” 

He pulls you up and into a kiss, much less messy than the one that got the two of you in here, more lazy and loving. When you pull away, you rub your thumb along satoru’s pink lips, not a trace of red in sight. “What the fuck is this stuff made of?” You murmur and Satoru chuckles, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“what are you made of, you almost killed me, girl!"  

You laughed, “Hey, you started it.” He pressed another kiss to the side of your lips, then your neck, then kneels down in front of you, his blue eyes twinkling as he looks up at you. You card your fingers through his hair as you smile down at him.

“can I finish it too?"

and then they got banned from the department store.

[readwritealldayallnight]

im on my knees begging for jealous Simon headcanons 🧎🏻‍♀️

The thing about Simon is, he really has no reason to get jealous when it comes to you, and he knows it

He knows there isn’t anyone else who could make you smile so much your cheeks hurt, no one else who could make you laugh until you claim you’re going to pee your pants, no one else who could make you feel as good as he does, in oh so many ways, because you tell him so

You tell him that those same feelings of being loved, understood, appreciated, and wanted, those very feelings that you make him feel each and every day, he gives them back to you a thousand times over

He knows when you look in his eyes and tell him that you love him, that there isn’t a doubt in your mind that he is the only one for you, and nothing or anyone could ever change that

You’re as smitten with him as he is with you

Still though, Simon does have eyes

And while the logical part of his brain is telling him that he’s got no reason to be gritting his teeth and clenching his fists underneath the table, he can’t help but grow more and more frustrated with the way Soap and Gaz continue to flirt shamelessly with you

To be fair, you had warned him that keeping your relationship a complete secret from everyone would likely result is moments where Simon would have to watch you get hit on, and simply have to grin and bear it

That didn’t mean it was any easier, watching his only best mates try and work their charm on you, all while he sits at the same table and watches you roll your eyes at their advances

“Aw, come on love, just one chance, s’all I ask for!” The handsome, young sergeant practically whines to you, cheeky grin plastered across his features as he tries in vain to convince you to let him take you out some time

“Pfft, ye’d be nothin’ but a waste o’ her time, Garrick. We wouldn’t even ‘ave to to leave base for me to show ye a good time, bonnie.” The Scotsman winks at you, pointedly ignoring the way Gaz elbows him in the ribs at his comment

Throughout the entire exchange, Ghost’s gaze has never left your face, watching every time you scoff and roll your eyes at the men’s antics, reminding himself that you’re his, and he is yours, and the two sergeants are nothing more than pains in both of your asses

Finished with your pitiful meal from the dining hall, you stand from the table with your tray gathered in your hands, flipping your hair over one shoulder as you look towards the men trying to win your affection

“Once again, gentleman,” you say to them, knowing that they’re listening to your every word and watching your every move. “I don’t fraternize with colleagues. At least not the Sergeants.”

The two men groan in feeble protest at the mention of their ranks, having heard this reasoning from you before

“Ach, what if I get myself demoted, lass? I ken I could do that, easy!” Soap teases you, only kind of joking

“Mmm, don’t think that’ll work.” You reply, beginning to slowly walk away from the group, but not before glancing over you shoulder to lock eyes with Ghost and add, “You might have to become a Lieutenant. Those are more my type.”

The two Sergeants are staring after you, slightly gobsmacked, while their Lieutenant hides an overly smug and satisfied grin beneath his mask, shielding the pride that spread through him at your words

“Shite, sounds like you might ‘ave a chance, LT.” Soap laughs, smacking Ghost across the shoulder in a playful gesture, thinking that the larger man would never actually pursue you, let alone sleep in your bed almost every night

It’s a few weeks later when you and the rest of the 141 are all out for drinks at a nearby pub however, when Simon finds his instincts growing stronger than his insecurities

Because that’s just it isn’t it? He’s not feeling insecure when he sees you walk towards the bar by yourself to order a new drink, at least a dozen pairs of eyes watching you weave through the crowd in hopes of making a move on you

He’s not feeling insecure when he watches some tipsy idiot try and pretend he’s drunker than he really he is when he ‘accidentally’ bumps into you, apparently feeling the need to put his hands on you as he apologizes

He’s not feeling insecure when he watches you shove the guy off, reading your lips he knows so well as you tell the guy you’re not interested, nor is he insecure when he knows the idiot won’t give up that easily, likely asking if you’re here alone before you point over to where the 141 have overtaken a booth in the back

No, he certainly isn’t feeling insecure when he sees that the man never bothers glancing back to the table, still trying to land a hand on your body somewhere, when Simon’s instincts take over, rising from his seat without a word to the men who glance his way and ask where he’s going suddenly

He’s acting on pure instinct as he stalks over to you, the crowd parting for his large frame to move by without hesitation, locking eyes with you just as he lands a massive skull gloved hand on the tosser’s shoulder, wringing him around to face him

Your would be admirer isn’t feeling so confident now when he’s staring up at a 6’4” wall of muscle donned in all black apart from the white markings of his skull balaclava

If he were a more jealous man, Simon might take more time to admire the way you can practically hear this idiot gulp over the loud sounds of the music, the way his eyes bulge out of his head and how he looks nearly ready to piss himself on the spot

But your man knows who he is to you, and so instead he shoves the geezer away, turning to face you as one hand lifts up the bottom of his balaclava, just far enough to swoop down and meet your lips in a passionate tangle of tongue and teeth, tasting the alcohol on each other’s breath and the desire in your systems, a kiss that says to everyone else watching, including the bewildered Captain and Sergeants gawking from across the room, that you are his and his alone

[astonmartinii]

popularity contest | alex albon social media au

pairing: alex albon x fem doohan!reader

jack is struggling with making friends in formula one, good thing he’s got an annoyingly popular sister and a reluctantly friendly brother in law.

MASTERLIST | TIP JAR

f1

liked by yourusername, pierregasly and 1,209,778 others

f1: for the first time ever, we have in-laws on the grid! jack doohan makes his full debut for alpine alongside his brother in law alex albon, who is married to y/n doohan, one of australia's biggest business women!

view all comments

user1: not for long

user2: for real admin is being a little bit optimistic here

user3: the way franco was last season, i think he’d also like to take y/n off of alex’s hands too

user4: omggggg can you people let us have anything

yourusername: proudest big sister ever

yourusername: and wife i guess

yourusername: alex has been doing this long enough he can wait for the praise

alexalbon: i’ll let him get away with it this once just because it’s his debut

jackdoohan: you’re soooooooo generous alex!

alexalbon: i know this is sarcasm but i’m choosing to ignore that

user5: i’m not reading all of that - don’t care - bring back franco

user6: true i need his cute face back on the grid

alexalbon: never disrespect those doohan genes again

jackdoohan: i knew you believed in me alex

alexalbon: you’ll kill it dude, but i was referring to the fact that i am hopelessly in love with your sister

yourusername: doohan face card never declines

jackdoohan: 💅

user7: i’m so glad jack will have his sister in the paddock and alex, his entry to f1 hasn’t been the kindest

user8: alex is such a beloved personality in the paddock as well so hopefully that’ll help jack make friends

user9: i know y/n has been bugging alex about taking jack to the padel dates

yourusername: ho are you in my walls

user10: flavio briatore if you tear my family apart you will be hearing from my lawyers

user11: i’ll be needing a lawyer after my actions

user12: we need him to ban him again

yourusername

liked by alexalbon, pierregasly and 892,046 others

tagged: jackdoohan

yourusername: baby brother is a formula one driver! words can’t express how proud i am watching him zip around albert park.

view all comments

user13: nothing you people (alpine) can do will ruin this moment for me

user14: her literally crying in the alpine garage with their dad watching him was so cute eventhough sky insisted on yammering on about franco the whole time

user15: i can’t wait for jack to prove them all wrong

liked by yourusername

jackdoohan: it felt 100x better knowing you guys were there too

yourusername: we wouldn’t miss it for the world

yourusername: that includes alex

jackdoohan: he’s contractually obligated to be here

alexalbon: doesn’t mean i’m any less proud!

yourusername: oh great, now i’m crying again

user16: yeah this is cute and all, but am i the only one getting annoyed at her shading franco constantly

user17: yes there’s literally no reason she needs to be liking those kind of comments

yourusername: chat is it illegal to be excited for and protect my brother?

user18: you can keep franco’s name out of your mouth to do so

yourusername: i’ve never said a bad word about franco, so watch your tone, especially when he hasn’t been the most respectful towards my relationship himself.

user19: omg why is she spilling the tea when it’s 3am in europe 😭

oscarpiastri: two aussies on track at albert park - we love to see it

oscarpiastri: but now i’m thinking about it, why aren’t i sponsored by doohan me?

yourusername: girly i think you have enough sponsors already

jackdoohan: this is the greed they wrote about in the bible…

user20: so jack is a nepo nepo baby?

yourusername: tell me you don’t love your brother without telling me you don’t love your brother

user21: also she literally sponsors alex as well… why wouldn’t she help out the people she loves when she owns the biggest apparel and makeup companies in australia…

alexalbon: i’m chopped liver this weekend…

yourusername: you can be second for one weekend

alexalbon: fine… i’ll hold you to that

yourusername: and i’ll hold you too

alexalbon: oh hehehehehe

georgerussell63: loser

alexalbon

liked by danielricciardo, oscarpiastri and 672,099 others

tagged: yourusername & jackdoohan

alexalbon: p6? and Q2 for jack? i guess you could say we're doohan okay :P

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user22: doohan/albon family you are so precious to me

user23: this post got me crying in the club at 6am

user24: the way jack RAN to alex in parc ferme was so so so cute i can’t

yourusername: it’s sweat in my eyes i SWEAR

alexalbon: okay baby, we believe you

jackdoohan: i always knew i was your favourite brother

yourusername: you’re the only one?

jackdoohan: omg p1

alexalbon: a win is a win

user25: jack being second of all the rookies is just what he needed this weekend !!!

user26: babe is not playing around

georgerussell63: get in there alex!!!

georgerussell63: but please stay away from my car tomorrow

yourusername: i know this man ain’t talking

georgerussell63: i’m not engaging with this

yourusername: … pussy

alexalbon: when your wife and friend get along

georgerussell63: eh hem * best friend

alexalbon: slow your roll there buddy

georgerussell63: who could possibly be your best friend - and don’t say y/n because that doesn’t count

alexalbon: jack is right there

georgerussell63: i’m gonna pretend you didn’t just say that

alexalbon: well the rest of you have hardly made him feel welcome have you?

user27: omg alex is out here gagging the girls

user28: and he ate!

user29: i mean alex was lucky having george and lando when he made his debut, jack has the other rookies but i’ve got the sense he’s been made a bit of an outsider

user30: this whole situation is so sad i’m not going to lie - i’m glad alex is clearly there for him and that y/n goes to like 90% of the races

danielricciardo: flying the aussie flags high boys, proud of you!

jackdoohan: thank you daniel :))))))))

alexalbon: the thai flag is right there… but i’ll take it dude! see you for dinner tomorrow xx

yourusername: we’ll see if we can kidnap oscar and make it a full on aussie affair

alexalbon: i am not aussie !!!

yourusernamel: yes you are

alexalbon: yes i am

user31: how all husbands should be ^^^

f1newsandgossip

liked by user42, user50 and 11,045 others

f1newsandgossip: it’s being reported that both alex albon and max verstappen called a grid meeting to call out the exclusion of jack doohan. insiders state it got extremely heated, with alex albon not holding back.

view all comments

user31: i mean…. i have to agree with alex like that dinner was unnecessarily cruel

user32: it’s SO strange that they managed to invite all of the other rookies but not him

user33: if it’s not cruel it’s extremely negligent from the grid

user34: hey wasn’t george on some anti-bully tirade at the end of last season? what happened to that…

user35: he’s the head of the GDPA and likely was the one to organise this meal - he should know better

user36: if george did organise it and alex was as incensed as they say, it was BAD bad

user37: max standing up for jack is so needed thank you

user38: i mean we all know how max was treated as a rookie…

user39: and he was super chatty with jack at the photoshoot so at least he’s tried

user40: more than what some could say

user41: i think it’s crazy that the grid haven’t made an effort with jack considering they are constantly licking y/n’s ass trying to ride her coat tails

user42: SO TRUE

user43: they like the doohans so much that they’ll constantly use and wear her products, making sure to tag her but they can’t invite her brother to dinner?

user44: anyone seen those pictures kym illman posted of y/n on the phone in the paddock?

user45: baby was PISSED

user46: rightly so tbf

user47: the fact that both her and her dad ignored sky this morning >>>

user48: i mean, as they should, all they do is talk about franco when jack is on screen

user49: alex and jack coming in together this morning, both wearing doohan me merch …. kings

user50: the only positive from this meeting/ idk fight is the fact that a load of drivers flocked to alpine

user52: charles bringing leo ???

user53: took too long, but i’m glad they pulled their heads out of their asses

f1

liked by maxverstappen1, lewishamilton and 2,945,300 others

tagged: jackdoohan

f1: aussies… are you doohan good? jack doohan scored points on his full debut at home, picking up a p9 finish. we don’t think anyone was happier than his sister, but brother in law alex albon was pretty pleased too…

view all comments

user54: flavio briatore… come outside… i just want to talk

user55: aussies we be smoking on that briatore pack tonight

user56: y/n’s smug smile at him in the garage was ALL of us

oscarpiastri: aussie aussie aussie

jackdoohan: oi oi oi

oscarpiastri: stoked for you dude honestly

jackdoohan: much appreciated - congrats on the podium!

user57: my aussie boys !!!!!!!!!!

user58: alex holding jack while he cried is the moment of the season already i don’t think we’ll top it

user59: i need it tattooed on the inside of my eyelids for real

user60: the other drivers all coming to congratulate him - better late than never

user61: i honestly think alex was happier for alex than himself even though he got fourth

user62: that’s family right there

yourusername: jack doohan world dominance would bore no one

yourusername: but on a real note, unbelievably proud of you baby brother

jackdoohan: would never have happened without you - i love you <3

alexalbon: nothing but love for my favourite brother in law!

alexalbon: there’s been a lot of chat about him but jack is the real deal

yourusername: my two favourite boys, i love you guys and i’m so proud

user63: jack getting points at home is such poetic justice

user64: i need him to know we love him

user65: i mean other than oscar’s podium his points was defo the biggest cheer of the weekend!

alpinef1: it’s just what he does 🤩

yourusername: and what he’ll continue to do…

user66: the way this is an actual threat LOL

jackdoohan

liked by georgerussell63, landonorris and 348,208 others

tagged: alexalbon & yourusername

jackdoohan: this weekend has been everything and more for me. to get my first points at home, means the world, and to be supported by my favourite people in the world made it all the more sweeter. y/n, these points are for you, thank you for always supporting me and alex, thank you for being there for me - it’s been lonely but you’ve welcomed me as best as you could. here’s to the rest of the season!

view all comments

user66: i am NOT crying

user67: thank the lord for alex albon!

user68: my shaylas

liked by yourusername

maxverstappen1: congratulations jack, the first points of many!

jackdoohan: thank you max, maybe i’ll be able to get close enough to race you personally…

maxverstappen1: hopefully it’s for podiums…

lewishamilton: well in jack! congratulations!

charles_leclerc: congratulations on your first points jack :D

user69: looks like a stern talking to by alex albon works a plenty

user70: we love to see it

alexalbon: mr jack, there’s nothing me or your sister wouldn’t do for you - never hesitate to reach out. we’re so proud of you and will be here for you every step of the way!

yourusername: what he said

yourusername: i love you baby brother and i’m so so proud. i won’t stop saying it until i die

jackdoohan: i love you guys so much

yourusername: also @alexalbon you’re the best husband in the world, looking out for jack. you’re the most amazing man in the world xx

alexalbon: i’d do anything for you and for jack. i love you and i wake up thankful everyday that you decided that i’m worth marrying

yourusername: there’s no one else in the world worth marrying xx

landonorris: @jackdoohan how are you so chill about them professing their love under your congratulations post?

jackdoohan: i love them and i love that they love each other?

user71: i need a relationship like y/n and alex

user72: i need siblings like them omg

isackhadjar: you slayed jack!

kimiantonelli: 🔥

user73: why are we all fawning over the drivers in being in the comment section? it’s clear alex just guilted them into doing it

user74: for real, f1 isn’t a popularity contest it’s about winning

yourusername: jack doesn’t have to be popular, but he will be respected

alexalbon: and if anyone is ‘guilted’ into being a nice person, that’s their issue

jackdoohan: :3

fin.

note: she's back? she's also been up since 3am to watch the f2 so enjoy my sleep deprived fuelled love for alex (let's go p6????) and jack (because seriously, give him a shot god damn)!!!

[mywritersmind]

WORSHIP ME - LN4 ✦・۪۪۫ . ✦. ۪۪۫ ・✦

summary : In which a rant on a bathroom counter turns into your best friend going off and confessing his feelings.

listen up : kissing! I LOVE THIS

words : 905

⋆｡‧˚⋆

The counter is cool against my skin, my skirt inches higher up my thigh as my leg is straightened in front of me and my head knocked back against the mirror. “I’m sick of it.” I can’t help but say after another dickhead date. “I hate men.”

“I’m a man.” Lando says, standing in front of me like some night in shining armor. His fingers ghost over my skin before they find my heel strap, his eyes never leaving mine.

“You don’t count.” I sigh to my best friend. He’s also dressed up, in a nice black suit and his hair still perfect. I’m assuming he was on a date but honestly, I didn’t ask.

His hands are cold against my skin, successfully pulling off one of my heels. His brow raises at my words.

“I just- I want someone to love me.” My eyes detach from his as I look around the bathroom is true self interest, “I’m sick of getting excited at a text back or blushing if someone compliments me. Compliments my body, by the way. It’s nice sometimes, don’t get me wrong! But I have other qualities other than nice tits!”

He laughs at the last bit, his tinge darting over his lips, “The guy tonight didn’t tell you that you have a beautiful mind?” His tone is sassy and gets met with my heel in his chest.

It doesn’t hurt him of course, just makes him laugh more. He drags my ankle tightly again as if he’s trying to punish me, Jesus I don’t even think he would hurt me by accident.

“I’m serious, Lando!” I groan as his fingers find my heel again, “It’s infuriating!”

“I’m sure it is.” He mumbles.

“You wouldn’t understand! I want to be something else than a fucking one night stand! I want someone to care. Fuck caring I want a man to worship me!”

He lets out a frustrated groan just as my heel falls off. He doesn’t let go of my foot. “You really want that?” He says as if it’s the craziest thing in the world.

“Yes!”

“And you really don’t think I understand it?” He’s frustrated but I don’t know why.

“I mean, yeah.”

“You want to know what I want?”

“Enlighten me.” I say a bit more sassy than I meant it.

He nods, holding back an eye roll as his hand makes its way to my knee and causing me to inhale, “I want a woman.”

“Wow, so picky.” I roll my eyes and look away but his tug at my leg makes me look back.

“I want a girl to stay in my bed for more than just my name. I want a woman who laughs so hard with me that she cries. I want her to actually open her fucking eyes!”

I swallow, “Hm?”

“Christ! I’m taking off your bloody heels and letting you complain to me about every guy on this earth who wants you and you still can’t see that i’m sick of it.”

I frown, “Then tell me to stop.”

He groans, his adam's apple bobbing as he looks away, “That's the problem. I’m sick of it because after this we’ll go back to my room and sleep. And then you’ll wake up and kiss my cheek in those fucking satin shorts you love and you’ll leave me for the next date who won’t text you fast enough or pick you up after a hard day.”

I’m absolutely silent now. “No… that’ll be me who has my notifications on extra loud just for you and my keys always in hand just in case I hear that *ping* from my phone. I’m sick of it because you can’t see that any of those guys will never treat you as good as I do. I’ll worship you forever.”

His hand is still on my knee.

It’s silent, besides Lando’s soft breathing from his rant and my heart beating so fast that I swear he can hear it.

“I’m sick of it too.” I don’t think. I just act. His lips are on mine in a second, my hands gripping his face as he reacts late to the sudden contact. “I’m so sorry.” I breathe out as he stares at me, my lipstick is on him.

He doesn’t say anything before one hand snakes up my leg and another is gripping my waist, pulling me into the best kiss of my life.

He’s not rough, just eager. Something I match easily as he slides me closer so he’s in between my legs. His tongue slides into my mouth as my hand finds his hair. Fuck I love his hair.

“You’re an idiot.” I breathe in between kisses.

“So are you.” He fights back as he tugs at my hair playfully.

I grin. “Touché.”

“But you’re fucking amazing.” He kisses my jaw, “Every part of you.”

I tilt my head back and drop my arms to my side as he clings onto me still. “All the guys… the dates… I really did dream that you’d save me from all that. I think I may have done it to provoke you.”

He laughs and pulls back, his green eyes playful and bright, “You’re an evil mastermind.”

I smile and use my thumb to wipe away my lipstick on his chin, “I like getting what I want.”

“You staying for breakfast tomorrow?”

“I’m staying forever.”