#im finally doing a read of the original script with a friend

[i-am-jacks-procrastination]

can they just have sex or something like wtf is this

[whatisshewritingg]

Full analysis and opinion on The Ruler

Warning THE RULER SPOILERS. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE EPISODE. And this is a REALLY LONG POST.

Oh man this is going to be a long rant. When I came back home and saw that the French subtitled version was available, I ran straight to sit and watch it. I was hopeful that it would be a Nathaniel-centered episode, since I had the theory that The Ruler might not refer to someone that rules over others, but to an actual ruler, which is an actual art supply. It sounds dumb, yes, but IT ACTUALLY BECAME REALITY. Because Nath's mother has a ruler in her hair.

The first scene we see is Nath sitting with his parents. He was showing the manga that he did with Marc to them, and his mother doesn't approve it. She says he should pursue a more "serious" art form.

This is something that happens to many artist throughout their journey. The way they illustrated this in this episode is so heart-shattering to me, maybe because it hits hard when you're in a similar situation. But anyway, poor Nath.

Also, the father talks about the possibility of the knights falling in love with the villain, a girl. This is important, because it's a topic that is repeated all over the episode. This comic is totally a metaphor on his own relationship with Marc, and thank god they didn't do this with their original comic, because it would've been too literal.

Then, we see that Marc's parents absolutely encourage him to write the story, totally contrary than Nathaniel's situation.

Then, we also see them at the school's art class. They are talking about the script, but he talks about that maybe the reveal scene isn't what people want to see. This means many things. This is portraying that maybe people they don't want to see THEM together. And not as friends, but as in actual dating. He also manifests being worried about the people on his circle reading it. And the fact that Marc's parents are accepting of their comic implies they may accept their relationship, too.

Then, they also show their classmates, and they all absolutely love the story. This shows that maybe, if they come out, everybody is going to support them. AND MARC TEXTUALLY SAYS: "Sun-Heart and Rain-Piercer is OUR STORY, MINE AND YOURS. It's all in our face.

Overall, this part of the episode in which they are debating wether to leave the script as it is or not is them debating wether to say they are a couple or not. Nathaniel hands out the script to Marc, but then comes running for it after. This shows us how much he really wants this, but he is restrained by the public opinion.

The next scene is Nathaniel finally getting to drawing it. But he says that the ending can't end like that, and that they can't lose their powers. Their powers can mean the "being themselves". The actually being a couple.

Then he shows Marc, and he says that he followed his heart when changing the script. This is because I feel like he felt that it just didn't sit right for them to not become something. So he takes action. And then Marc says that it's the best thing they have done together.

Their mother interrupts and scolds her son about drawing manga, and when Marc says that they're working on a school proyect, she says she's glad to see them getting serious, in the sense of actually pursuing something serious, implying even more on what I said before about that the art careers are never seen as serious enough.

After that, Marc and Nathaniel debate on wether to print it or not. Yet again, a metaphor on making their relationship public. But then, Nath says that all that has ended and that everybody is going to see it and that the manga is going to get printed. And then, here comes one of my favorite dialogues in the whole entirety of the series:

"Yes. What we've done is genuine, and when my mom reads it, she'll see how beautiful our story is. Beautiful, and important to us"

IM SOBBING.

Then they go to school and it gets printed and distributed, and when our favourite redhead gets home, he sees that his mother read the script. He questions his parents, since they wanted something genuine. But her mother says that it isn't genuine, and that he shouldn't waste his talent in comics. She even gets to the point of threatening with forbidding Nathaniel to see Marc.

Then, we se that Nathaniel is absolutely shattered as his mother destroys the script. The way this scene is animated breaks my heart, Nath's faces are so expressive and they pierced through my heart, at least, and made me emphatize with him a lot.

The next scene we see is him running and going back to the school. He transforms into Caprikid to create a gigantic paper shredder and destroys every comic that was printed, and remembers that Marinette has a copy. He goes to her house to destroy it. Marinette makes some sense into him and he lets her keep the manga's copy.

Some time after that, he tells Marc about everything that went on. And Nate says that it's better like that because they at least will be able to be friends. Another phrase I liked a lot from this episode: "My friend draws from the heart! He doesn't give up on his passion! My friend doesn't hide who he really is." This is an allusion to Nathaniel's queer identity. But then, we see he tells Marc to find another illustrator.

In the next scene, Marinette storms into some sort of storage room and sees Marc crying over what went on with Nathaniel. "For that [the drawing again] to happen, he'd need to change parents, too..." MY POOR MARC.

We later see that his mother came to pick Nathaniel up since he wasn't feeling well. Marinette storms in and offers to draw the comic. The mother gets into the conversation and gets mad when Marinette says that his son's talent could change people's minds and after knowing that he drew it in the end.

Nath's mother gets akumatized, and Marc jumps to protect Nathaniel, and gets affected by the akumas power and leaves Nate alone. And he gets even madder at his mom because he payed it with Marc. Nathaniel flees the scene and before transforming, he says: "Yes. I'm ready. I'm done hiding!"

There's also symbolism in this scene. Saying I'm done hiding and transforming INSIDE A CLOSET!!!!! It's crystal clear that this is alluding to him "coming out". In between commas because this might be also acting as Caprikid. I also find kinda funny that he uses art supplies as weapons when he could create actual weapons, lol.

Anyways, the fight goes on and they win using the akuma's powers against her. And after Marinette and Adrien's scene, Chrysalis says: "Nathaniel Kurtzberg, what is your true face?", so she might be looking out for him now.

Nathaniel and Marc are then seen at the redhead's house, and Nate's parents are reading the comic whilst they are HOLDING HANDSSSSSSS. IM FERAL. Nathaniel's mom finally accepts him going into manga and they hug. YAY HAPPY ENDING FOR NATEEEE

But the most intense part of the episode is the last. The two boys are in Nathaniel's room (?), and Marc says "We got attacked when we were just talking about love" AND HE GETS CLOSER TO NATHANIELLLLLLL. I'ts so obvious that the comic is about them. They also use the "great hate" of the manga to depict the homophobic people that don't accept their relationship. They also use the main character to depict themselves and they talk about not having powers. AND OH BOY.

"Power or no power, I'll always be there to protect you" 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

And Marc tells him that he isn't a superhero. AND NATHANIEL TRANSFORMS INTO CAPRIKID IN FRONT OF HIMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! AND THEN MARC TRANSFORMS INTO ROOSTER BOLD!!!!!! THEY REVEAL IDENTITIESSSS!!!!!!!!!!

I never thought they'd be the next couple to know each other's identity, but I love that they both know now! And if they didn't notice that they hid Marc's transformation from us... THEY HAVE THINGS PLANNED FOR HIM, WE WILL GET ANOTHER MARCANIEL EPISODE 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

Anyways, sorry to put you through so much reading. But I genuinely love this episode :))))

[levmysweetheart]

AMALGAMATE CH 2 REREAD

Fuck it lets see how much i can read tonight. lets go. i got a cherry smoothie and i took a great piss. i might be too nauseous to drink it though because they make me PHYSICALLY ILL

SPOILERS FOR THE FIC OF COURSE

im contracting kokichi's fever rn im shaking im TWEAKING ym cheeks are clenched

"Did Kokichi leave a spare jacket behind for me knowing I was gonna lose mine in the press…? Why would he –" Guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys

IVE BEEN SO LOCKED IN

"…we came so close to doing it, he realized with a shudder. Good God, I came so close to killing a fucking child today… He couldn’t stop thinking about it – like a nightmare he thought he should've woken up from by now. He’d almost dropped a hydraulic press on a living, breathing human. That blood could’ve been… It had been so close to happening… Kaito finally had to look away from the machine. He couldn’t stop imagining Kokichi’s tiny body bursting inside the press, organs collapsing into a slurry, an entire human being reduced to nothing but sick, horror movie gore." No one realizes how absolutely horrifying the deaths are ESPECIALLY KOKICHIS because its DANGANRONPA fuck fuck IM Hello everybody my name is markipleir

"A chill ran down Kaito’s spine, and he sat up a little straighter as he started quickly scrolling through the book. There were dozens of plans marked by dogeared pages, and various subheadings for routes they could take in the trial. The first few plans only listed Kokichi’s accomplice as “Participant” and only later began specifying “Kaito” by name. He wondered who Kokichi was originally intending to work with, but knew better than to ask. The little brat would probably just smirk and say, “Korekiyo’s sister. Duh.” As the minutes passed by, however, Kaito’s uneasiness began to turn into nausea. He could see how erratic the handwriting became the further he went. Words were angrily scribbled out in a few places, and there were tears in the paper where the pen angrily shredded through the page. One page even had a couple drops of blood on it. Kaito slowly lowered the book down to the side of his lap Kokichi wasn’t sitting on and gave the boy a wary look." The way the gun went to my head NO BUT WHYYY THIS IS SO FUCKIGN SICK THIS ISS OF UCKIGN GOOD like what do you mean kokichi wrote a whole SCRIPT guys u dont get it. Also the blood probably from chapter 3 injury *dies*

"Kaito stared at Kokichi for a long time, trying to discern what kind of mask he was wearing – or if he was even wearing a mask at all. Kaito could never know anything for sure with Kokichi, and it infuriated him to no end. His gut reaction was to yell at Kokichi and tell him to never speak Gonta’s name ever again for the rest of his life, but he was too tired and too… confounded in general to act on his impulses. Kokichi’s eyes were dull. Lifeless. It didn’t look like he even wanted to try anymore. But Kokichi was a very good actor." BEAUTIFUL FANTASTIC I GIVE STANDING OVATION YES YES YES!! Blank kokichi is the closest to real kokichi i said what i said

“Believe whatever you want. In the end… it doesn’t really matter to anyone but you…” im getting this TATTOOED on me i swear. trampstamp i dont care give me this

"It was like a lightbulb suddenly went off over Kaito’s head. “Wait, is that why you kept trying to get him to suspect me? You wanted to see if he’d follow the lead, even if it was his best friend being incriminated? Holy shit, were you already testing out your insane suicide plan that long ago?” " I knocked my meds off my table but Yes this this THIS idea this idea is too much its so painful

"But when Kaito looked into Kokichi’s eyes in that dim, miserable cockpit, he didn’t see a Supreme Leader of Evil who said cruel things for his own sadistic entertainment. No, Kaito saw something else in Kokichi’s eyes – something dark, and sad, and perhaps a little desperate. He saw the hollow eyes of yet another victim of the killing game. Kaito knew that look because he saw it in his own eyes every time he looked in the dull, foggy mirror in his bathroom. Kokichi wasn’t dead, but there was death in those eyes – the death of the person Kokichi might have been before the killing game started. There was a version of Kokichi who watched the lives of his classmates get snuffed out like candles until no light remained… and then that Kokichi had died… …and none of us even noticed." that last sentence is quite possibly the most simple yet DEVASTATING line i cant do this

" For a moment, Kaito strained to recall what the little brat was talking about, when suddenly, it all came back in a rush of anger. “You sneaky fucker! All those weeks, you were pretending like you didn’t know how to fight, but then you sucker-punched the fuck outta me with your left fist after Gonta’s execution! You knew I’d go after you expecting you to be right-handed, so I left myself completely open!” " I LOVE THEM SO MUCH LMFAOG THIS IS SO PERFECTLY KOKICHI

" “That’s ‘cause you’re stupid.” Kaito was about to protest when Kokichi hummed thoughtfully to himself. “…But at least you’re not boring.” “You… say that word a lot,” Kaito grumbled. “But whatever, I’ll take it. You’re not boring either, kid.” Kokichi’s eyes snapped open, and for a moment, it looked like he wanted to say something… but then he just sighed tiredly and went back to his previous state of semi-conscious shivering." I GIGGELD out loud. god i love them oumota parallels oumotaa! oumota oumota!

less yapping from me and more reading guys this is so peak.

i love this i looe this i lvoe this

end of chapter 2... starting chapter 3 soon. im ognna try to sleep actualy but i will probably fail and just start reading again

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 9/24/2024

you might be wondering “is my dear friend tumblr user girlfriendsofthegalaxy still unemployed?” the answer is yes. take this cat off my hands please i don’t think he’s causing the unemployment but he certainly isn’t helping

listening

via Wendy @dying-suffering-french-stalkers, Huoy Meas' ប្រគល់ក្ដីស្នេហ៍មកខ្ញុំវិញ. figuring out what this incredibly zippy Cambodian rock song is named and what it's about was really difficult bc spotify is a bane upon this earth and won't let you fucking copy-paste and OCR was not working on the Khmer script. i ended up listening to the first couple seconds of each of her songs on apple music, and finally figured out this roughly translates to Give Me Back My Love and is about begging a fuckboy for closure.

via the spotify discover weekly, Night Club's Pretty Girls Do Ugly Things. all Night Club's songs sound the same so if you like one, great news! i had this song on for a full gregorian hour bc, i am only a tiny bit ashamed to say, i was storyboarding a The Man With No Name fancam to this. i think it would go pretty hard.

Smoke you like a cigarette Choke you like a lariat Fatalistic tourniquet Do you want more?

-

reading

thank you mackintosh.

i did not Adore any of these comics from the library. i sort of enjoyed Night of the Ghoul, a one-volume TPB by Scott Snyder and Francesco Francavilla. i think ive blogged about this before but every once in a while i'll get a bee in my bonnet to read some horror comics even though i am a giant baby about horror movies.

Night of the Ghoul is about how you can't save your dad from PTSD but also about a lost horror film and also about the extremely dad behavior of tracking down every scrap of info about an auteur. there's also a monster.

the subtle art changes from present day to the remains of the film to the non-film flashbacks are well done, imo. the cover screams mignola but the inside pages are really fun pulp nonsense. i love a piece of genre writing that rolls around and delights in being a piece of genre writing.

im doing my level best not to get sucked into tiktok but i DO love watching this lady revive antique nail polish and look for dupes for shades from like the 20s. she found an almost exact dupe for a shade produced during wwii which is crazy insane to me!!!

-

watching

The Asphalt Jungle (1950, dir. Huston), it's a very painterly heist noir. i even like Sterling Hayden in one of the more prominent roles, even though i think he generally has the appeal of undercooked dough.

much like Fritz Lang's M, it presents the criminal element of the city as its own class with its own reputation and reference systems. it got in some trouble with the censors for having a VERY clearly laid out heist plan and execution. it's also got the babiest Marilyn Monroe in one of her earliest roles

this was such a gloriously messy movie. everyone is such a fucking mess. this woman only known as Doll is heartbreakingly, head over heels in love with Sterling Hayden's character. she's a little flighty and bumbling and silly, but determined! they're constantly orbiting the gravitational weight of her desire for this man and desire for a real life with this man. and that's just one subplot! she has maybe five minutes total screentime! she should have gotten a supporting actress oscar!!! everyone acted their fucking hearts out and it was so much fun to watch!

-

playing

monument valley is in the netflix games library this month (i don't actually know what their liscencing agreements would even look like, they and the studios they worked with were very tightlipped about that when they were rolling this out three years ago) but i assume it's going to be on the service for a while. i have never played this game, which makes me feel a little bit like a bad gamer. you can tell it's ten years old from some of the color and texture choices, but WOW did literally everyone take inspiration from this game.

this is the platonic ideal of a phone game. i get why everyone went insane about it and there was a brief boom of geometry-based puzzle mobile games. it is MUCH much harder now to get people to pay money to play a game that has a planned endpoint and planned number of levels, so netflix is a good home for it.

i was often frustrated but always delighted. the level below involves making something happening that made me genuinely gasp out loud in glee. well worth the annoyance of downloading the netflix app and scrolling through the poorly labeled and poorly sorted carousel of games.

great retrospective, a bit about how you need to have tiny teams go off and just kind of fuck around and bring weird stuff back, and a lot about how they actually designed the levels

The end result had a pixel-perfect axonometric aesthetic that not only went hard on its references to Dutch master artist and printmaker Maurits Cornelis Escher, but also dug deep into classic video game design, going right back to early arcade machines and 8-bit titles. Each of the ten levels is like a piece of fine furniture, built with invisible dovetail joints and inlaid with marquetry, stuffed with secret compartments and little design flourishes. Gray cites the world of theatre and stage design, as well as graphics, as important keystones in the way the levels were constructed. ‘Ken would always talk about flower arranging, and how you frame a silhouette of a level on the screen,’ he says.

-

making

update on the Phantom Menace fabric: pinked the raw edges and threw it in the laundry again with a very large quantity of vinegar. 50% poly was too high for it to really do anything, which is interesting. it didn’t lessen the seam edge effects either, which is a little annoying bc the seams were so gigantic and that’s a good chunk of fabric to lose. i am going to buy a camp shirt pattern at some point when i have money again but for now it goes in The Box

also! thrifted a pack of o-rings for jars for a dollar and finally put my grains etc in my pretty jars. they’re going to live in the pantry but today they live out on the countertop

[popcornforone]

Dreamy

A Mr Fantastic / Reed Richards Fan Fic

Day 1 of Pedrotober

Masterlist

Day 1 let’s go, this is gonna be a lot of fun I can feel it in my jellies. Time for Reed to take centre stage. We haven’t had many non pixelated Fantastic 4 pictures yet, but I thought the blue above was the best match to the original suits.

Synopsis:- Reed hears cry’s for help & leaps into action.

Word count:- 700

Warnings above what it says in the original master list:- kissing, false cry’s for help, super hero stuff.

Remember these are mainly all short fics peoples. Thanks for the read I hope you all enjoy & I will see you all tomorrow.

As always tags for @alyssamariag @norththelemon for giving us this list.

Mr fantastic hears the screams as he was leaving the grocery store.

“Help help” echoed above him.

He always had his suit on underneath his coat just incase he was needed to spring into action. A reluctant hero who would much rather be known for his science, but now with his new found fame he knew he could try & get his research out there for the world to see. Being a superhero was a blessed curse.

He listened through the noise of the city to hear where your screams of help were coming from & he quickly outstretched his arms, grabbing onto balcony’s to come to your cries of help. Luckily for him it was in the same block. Minimal effort.

“Help me oh god please someone help me”

“I’m on my way” you hear back assuming it’s just in your head this half hearted response.

“I don’t know what to do”

“Stay calm” he says as he finally pushes himself over the top floor & onto your balcony & fully slides open the door. You look startled. What’s mr Fantastic doing in your apartment? You quickly step back, in a state of shock, knowing a baseball bat is in the cupboard behind you.

“Ahhhh Mr Fantastic!” It’s comes out high pitched. You can tell he’s assessing the situation in front of him. Your apartment shows no sign of a struggle or anyone in pain. You move to the side a little as he inspected the room, still in easy reach of the bat in the cupboard. “What are you doing here?”

“I heard cries for help, so I left my groceries downstairs & flung up the building. It was clearly your voice” He says looking you up & down, to check you didn’t have bruises from a potential fit that you might have just gotten over & had no memory about. He smirks at the fact your skirt stops mid thigh.

“Oooooh im sorry” you say, he looks confused. “I’m rehearsing lines for a play I am in, it’s the opening scene where I discover my best friends body” he drops his shoulders & sighs.

“Seriously?”

“Yea seriously” he tuts. “We preview next week so I thought I’d get some more lines perfected”

“Well clearly you’re very convincing as this calls for help made me climb up here to save you” he says.

“Well I’m sorry I wasted your time, but it’s good to know there’s a super hero near by should I ever need one”

He nods & goes to take his leave, noticing the script & a few props on the table, but you then stop him.

“Mr fantastic, as I was someone in distress, you did technically come up here to rescue me… does that mean I get a kiss from the hero?”

He chuckles.

“We’re not all stereotypes” he says but he knows you’ve clocked him looking you up & down.

“Even if it’s just a peck,”but suddenly his hands wrap around your arms. Mr fantastic with his stretchy talents & he pulls you into him & does a Hollywood kiss on you, the one you always see in classic movies. Your foot pops & everything as his tongue invades your mouth. Your cheeks turning redder. Your own hand moving into his hair which fees so soft. Often grey hair feels slightly different to usual hair due to the lack of pigment but this just felt so good.

He spins you back so you are on both your feet & smirks.

“I hope the play goes well” & with that he takes 5 large extended strides back & leaps over the top of your balcony & lowers himself back towards the floor below, his shopping will still be waiting for him. You look down & sigh like your a long lost love who will never see him again.

“Ooooh he was so dreamy” you coo.

[lain-and-watch]

what do you think of the original version of the lego movie which is called the piece of resistance? https://www.sellingyourscreenplay.com/wp-content/uploads/screenplay/scripts/The-Lego-Movie.pdf

copy and paste the link

 I actually found out about the original script a while ago. I'm honestly not reading all that, but l've read some parts of it and seen some other small discussions about how Benny was portrayed.

I LOVE how he was. I really wish they could've found a way to make his little backstory work out in the final product. I think it would’ve added some depth to him. I do love how he is in the movie and he's obviously had his moments, but compared to the original script, sometimes it feels like he's just..there, y'know.

I think it would've been interesting to see how being isolated on the moon for so long could've affected him, and him with his mop friend. I want him to be even more crazy!! l'd like to see some of the other characters' stories too. I can see why all that wouldn't really work out in the movie, though.

I still like to think that Benny's backstory is canon in some way. Maybe the dad just left him somewhere since he's all old and broken, and then Finn discovered him. And since stuff that happens in the human world affects the lego world, l imagine that's how Benny was abandoned on the moon. So yeah that's what I think.

(I feel like I might've said some stuff weirdly im not the best at wording things sorry guys)

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey!! i kinda need advice

so uh I'm a freshman and for our midterm exams we sit with sophomores. in a very jumbled order. this happens every year during midterms/finals and I NEED to be sitting next to someone who's nice bc i need mental support. so like, around 2 monthsish ago we had our first midterm and i checked the seat next to mine and read the name tag to figure it out who I'd be sitting with. well it wasn't a stranger but it was someone I didn't really like? as in when we were in grade 4 and 5 our batches had a sort of concert/play thing and we were both in choir and she was kinda bossy

but anyway that's from like 5 years ago. so the first day I didn't talk to her because yeah 😭 but eventually we started talking. then one fine day, i had my chem exam and she had her geo exam. i don't know why but after our exam she wanted to see my question paper but the examiner was counting our answer scripts. in order to not get caught, she took my paper and quickly gave me hers so both of us HAD a qp but unfortunately the examiner saw buttttt she was pretty chill and didn't mind. and this girl, her nickname is "Glasses" because well she wears glasses (how original) SHE SMILED AT ME AND I WAS LIKE WOW WHAT WHY IS HER SMILE SO CUTE THO

errrr anyway I developed a tiny crushy crush. im not gonna bore you with the details of all our pre exam interactions but

we kinda started texting on insta? and then it was chillll and then I gave her something she wanted so we talked in school and I was like DYING but errrrrr

and she's lovely and everything but I don't know where we stand?? like sometimes we text fine then sometimes she's dry but then back to fine. and in person she's normally fine but then a bit awkward sometimes but idk. and I'm extroverted but awkwardness will turn me awkward so just to act non chalant and cool i pretend not to see her (she and I both know I saw her bc she saw me look at her.)

see that's another thing. acc to my friends she looks at me? SOMETIMES. there was an incident where she was talking a particular route, sort of saw me and walked to her destination using a route that had to cross me BUT she didn't maintain eye contact???

I'm not suggesting that she likes me like girl PLEASE don't like me but idk if we're friends or not. im hella confused.

I mean, I'm socially awkward af but if she's initiating things with you (she's messaging first, she's talking to you, etc) without any like...reason? then i would say she wants to be friends. Like if she's not just trying to get test answers or whatever. I think initiating things is a huge factor.

As far as romantic feelings, do we know her sexuality? That's an important question.

Naming you freshman anon! <3

[scph1001]

what specifically did the creators say about the making of p4 that shows it was cruel spirited? not that i dont believe you to be clear i hate that fucking game so bad its crazy n i think its cruel in nature regardless of what the creators intended im genuinely curious is all

hi <- this is a long list of interview quotes so im gonna throw it under a cut

firstly as a general comment the same team (with the same director) worked on catherine as well which i will not speak fully on since i have not played it but its incredibly misogynist and transphobic. so thats already showing a trend with how P4 team acts.

more importantly my friend sent me this interview a bit ago. it is older so maybe the director has gone back on some of the stuff hes said but its still a view into how he thought around the time P4 was made.

ill admit they dont go out and say "we want to make a game that puts down people" but people arent really gonna go out and say that. i feel like its just really eye opening how they truly thought that P4 was funny and its scenes made to put people down were just harmless fun. so ill apologize that my wording about them deliberately saying they meant to be cruel is a bit misleading but this interview did put a very bad taste in my mouth.

i think the specific lines that stood out to me (from the director) were:

when the interviewer mentioned that people who played P4 called it ""funny"":

"In P3, I would often add vulgar, dumb lines to the script that the scenario writers handed me, in order to balance things out. When I would see the dialogue they wrote, so carefully and finely crafted like an actor giving a speech… it made me want to destroy it."

this honestly pisses me off the most what the hell is his problem.

response to the interviewer commenting that they heard the director was the cause of the old fashioned jokes:

"Yeah, guilty as charged. Most of those were mine. I guess I should fess up, that yeah… I deliberately tried to make the jokes old-fashioned."

talking about how the camping scene was his favorite in the game when it relies on sexually assaulting girls and harassing kanji:

"I really like the camping event. The first half, with the curry section, was written by event writer Kido, and the second half was written by me. I was able to get a swimsuit scene in there, and nosebleed scene, and finally top it all off with a classic puking scene with Morokin (King Moron). It's a nicely paced section, if I do say so myself. I also thought the Bunkasai (Culture Festival) scene that the staff worked so hard on was really fun."

i think the camping scene is the second worse in the game. seeing him view it as expertly crafted when its punch after punch is kinda nauseating.

i dont think its worth picking out directly but he says that mixed sex friend groups are rare and.. i guess thats true for some perspectives but P4 really frames men and women as being completely separate from eachother so its not shocking to hear him say that

theres also this interview which i think its less damning since its the localization team but they do talk about how kanjis shadow was made to be a negative gay stereotype but its okay because "kanji himself is anything but stereotypical". his shadows a scary gay person and thats okay because kanji wont be that? it just reads that they think only certain kinds of gay people are okay. kanjis shadow is only bad since. he hits on straight guys (and is misogynist but P4 couldnt care less about that) but besides that hes just gay?

overall i dont know if they ever went "we wanted to make a game thats cruel" but line after line of being insanely misogynist and being weird about gay and trans people.. theres a trend. its obvious what kind of people they view as jokes.

my original P4 review had alot more personal comments but i decided i wanted to keep it very formal. when i was first writing it though i wanted to comment about how yosukes introduction of him crashing his bike and hitting his nuts was so emblematic to P4 to me. all humor is based in someone being harassed or literally hurt. half of it is humiliation rituals practically. in the first interview i linked hashino mentions adding humor to keep the game from getting too oppressive but at the end of it all it just shows a lack of control.

theres some interview out there for catherine where hashino claims he thinks gay/trans people are brave or whatever but i doubt his words. youll see people claim that he wanted gay/trans characters in his game but ATLUS stopped him- so why does he write a character thats sick to his stomach when he learns he had sex with a trans woman. why does he deadname that trans woman in the games credits. sorry im rambling but while looking around for interviews ive been seeing people say the most insane shit.

[scp-ao3-author]

Hi! Do you have any stories about the origin of something you wrote?

OH OH OH OH OKAY

SO UHHH LETS JUST DO THEM ALL

Lightning:

Lightning was my first attempt at a 100k fic. its currently on anonymous because I have a firm belief that A Certain Author is reading my work and that is very scary. There was an actual draft that made it TO 100k, but the plot sucked?

Like I detailed every moment of Y/N from birth to SCP Foundation because I was a very "Grrr... Accuracy" guy. and then I had an entire subplot between y/n and kondraki, which inevitably fails. there was a whole thing of Y/n's brain being fried from amnestics and someone was like "this is actually stupid :/" so i ended up rewriting it with whatever I pulled from my ass.

Confession booth:

Confession booth was supposed to be a crack fic. surprise surprise. my (ex) friend wanted me to write a crack fic of clef in a priest outfit. but he didnt seem... like the kind of guy to just do that for no reason? at least back then I figured him to be like that guy. since then, I have grown to learn more about clef so in hindsight, I would like to rewrite some of my older stories to be more fitting. But I made a plot to rationalize Priest Clef and well. thats what was created.

Hold The Line:

I was maladaptive Daydreaming to Give and Take by Poor Mans Poison and i thought I was going to die if i didnt share the thoughts in my head.

The Only World You Know:

I got tired of Iceberg being shitty and pathetic with no backstory. Had to flesh that sad little milkshake

Take the seeds:

Fin.

Memory:

I always had the headcanon that Francis had legitimately worked in the Foundation as a system well before taking control as Dr. Clef. But one of the questions that always begged in my head was like... How would he have reacted with the other staff? I experimented with Kondraki, who also went through his original change. The idea of Kondraki being part of the Montauk Procedure and spiraling actually came from Author Kondraki's old blog. the rest I pulled out my ass with the help of a few friends. The original story was supposed to be "They hate each other, but begrudgingly are forced to get along. thats it." but people were ADAMANT about making them fall in love. it was mildly uncomfortable but i rolled with it and i will admit. I kind of like how it turned out apart from the last chapter.

Its Like Dying:

I wanted to write a followup to Memory about how Francis affected Kondraki's life in such a way that when Kondraki finally realized he cared, it had been too late to actually follow through on that. He takes this out towards Clef, the man who suddenly appeared after Francis Dissapeared, but eventually learns to accept when something is gone forever, and hopefully when i get around to it again, he will move towards actually accpeting clef into his life, not knowing that hes the only other person who will treat him like hes not insane for knowing Francis Existed.

I Am Ready To See You Again:

its supposed to be like a ressurection idea not FOR resurrection but similar. they wake up, everything is new and strange. and different. but as they explore the memory of their previous lifetime goes away, and they have to adjust to their own world. It centers mainly around A Major what with their multi universal knowledge? the idea was SUPPOSED to be that at least. I got the intro out and.... I lost all my notes apart from "Gears finds 173"

They Dont Even Have Dental:

This was supposed to be a silly joke seminar about Clef hating the GOC for not having dental, a running gag between some of my friend groups. its like an unspoken agreement. that place sucks, they dont have dental. and then i planted a cute little bit of plot at the end for an... upcoming show im working on. dw. ill share the script.

when its done.

Francis Disturbed:

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.

HHHH OKAY SO.

this was built off of a million headcanons swirling in my little head, but the final headcanon that broke the google doc was this:

Francis was a premature baby.

lemme break this one down im a bit excited lol

in 4231, Francis loved lily. alot. and it hurt him because she hurt him, but he stayed nonetheless. that, plus having DID? probably meant that it was VERY unlikely he had a stable family life growing up. dads out of the picture, type greenery adapted at a young age... you know? it adds up. then there was the stuff about agora. I thought...

I honestly thought that Agora was laying the self-shaming and "I should have killed my son" stuff a bit... i hated it. Like it was good but it rubbed me the wrong way a little and after a moment im like... "What if... i worked with that idea?" and created a story about Francis' childhood dynamic. this is where it gets fun:

Ive been planning the next chapter for a little while now, but this all happened during a time period in which I did not EXIST, so i have to go around my writing carefully. the next chapter is going to be the after effects of what... Agora... Did... and after THAT we get to see Francis entering the GOC, and what happened to him in the Ichabod Campaign.

it gets a little funny there was going to be a bit where ukulele gets a balloon tied to his arm so his team can find him off-missions.

Now. this wont make sense, until you SEE the chapter but... I cant continue writing the story until I get a physical copy of IT by stephen king....

and i dont live near a library or book shop OR thrift store that has it.

And I hate amazon.

A Different Shade OF Green:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OH GOD

HHHHH lemme grab my notes uhhhh ADSOG has been planned for a WHILE

ACTUALLY HERES THE DRAFT

FAIR WARNING: TREAT this story like it is NOT the actual bones of ADSOG on AO3. I kind of just kept rambling, I wanted an arc for a story where Blackbird takes an interest into Francis, but it ultimately doesn't work out, ukulele appears more. Adam is a dick. Ten is more active in the story too. there's SO many differences between this and the actual story. AND the format is FUCKED

ADSOG was supposed to be a single one shot, where seven confronted clef about his issues. She responds to his dickish behavior by shoving a spoon into his face, and he replies by biting into it and slowly chewing it while they make eye contact. that was ALL the story was supposed to be. then i was like "I like the barber scene." that is actually a one shot on its own that i just blended into the draft and main story. there are SO gonna be more scenes in the main story where francis is stimmming. at some point or another though i had at one point built SO many one shot stories on them that i just said fuck it and made it all one big story and

oh my god.

you are going to cry at the ending.

Orangechild:

uhh this was actually a full narrative but then i hit up @tickedtimebomb and was like "give me a line that fucks and ill turn it into a poem" and that's how I got "and then i fed the world my soul" WHICH IS ALSO REFRENCED IN THE DRAFT OF ADSOG

idk if anyone's noticed or not but i have a million little red strings tying all of my story together. :D

intervention:

fin

eye for an eye:

Eye for an eye was created with the ongoing concept of "4231-a comes back, how will clef react?" but instead of the "he would cry and die" I decided to go for a "He's going to be pissed."

it is a vacation:

I had a silly idea of the doctors being sent to antarctica and i played with it a little with mattastr0phic because I wanted myriad in the story. I had another friend who helped me with the iceberg bit too. <3

in cod we trust:

I just wanted to give Cimmerian some shit.

apples and oranges:

I take commissions for writing. I was paid to make this, that doesn't mean I don't love it though i have EVERY chapter preplanned. as of right now, unfortunately, I am on pause for my writing because I burned myself a little bit on regular writing and am just sticking to script writing for some *cough* shows.

Ketchup and Mustard:

I am preparing for something called a "Kingson bomb" which is: whenever i have an extra amount of money laying around, I grab some artists and nab them to make Kingson commissions, thus making a small vault of Kingson art. when I reach an unholy large amount, I'm going to blast @finiffy with it and fucking kill them. one of the people I commissioned said something along the lines of "They are so ketchup and mustard to me" and well. I had to do it.

Bear your tombstone:

The idea for this story was actually the fact that it was supposed to be its own chapter in Francis disturbed, but i got WAY to excited making it to the point I just uploaded it on its own.

Seventeen minutes:

i wanted to autism code kondraki and have others see my vision.

Something New:

I want a story similar to Memory, I am specifically making this in honor of Amones, who has absolutely INCREDIBLE art!!!!!

THEY ARE ALSO MAKING A REALLY COOL VIDEO GAME AKFSJDKLF

tales of a greyhound stranger:

THIS story was inspired by 4231 and personal experience, but not in a sad way. 4231 briefly mentions that Francis rides on the Greyhound, a bus station that's prominent in Europe and America. I also ride greyhound (and will be going partially across country in about a month) and sometimes when you use the bus system, you come across some... REALLY interesting people. I think Francis had a beautiful time traveling and ended up having fun once in a while with others. I think he deserves nice things.

[hosekisama]

IT IS FINISHED.

The Past Teaches You to Be Alone is complete at 150,243 words across 40 chapters! If you were holding off because you don't read WIPs, your time is now!

Some kind comments/testimonials we've received over the past (holy shit) year:

wow.

I started reading it thinking, hmm it's very long, do I really want to invest so much time in it? And now I'm so excited that there's so much more of this story I'm practically buzzing.

This is such a grounded take on the role-swap AU.

I love how you've struck a perfect balance of following the plot beats but drastically recontextualizing and showing new angles to them.

And for the fic in general, I am really really enjoying it a lot. Not only has very coherent and nuanced takes on both AU Kim and AU Harry, but the writing is superb. I repeat what I (and others) have said about Discernment but is written masterfully. And finally, for the plot, it followed the games events and my expectations for the most part, which you manage to give new meaning and perspective while referencing the source. However, I have been pleasantly surprised

GOOD FUCKING FOOD, the best Kim Kitsuragi I ever did read

kim kickassuragi yyyeaaah

Totally in love with this version on Kim as well as the original one, as they're really feel like the same person with different turns of events

I love how you've written Harry and Kim's swapped dynamic and this has been just such a tasty treat to read!

aughh… aoghghhh… aououugughhghghhhh… ow.

I'm so in love with this story. You have to understand them SO well to pull off an AU like this and they are both just perfect. A friend of mine is already used to me screaming in our messages at least once a day about this amazing fic I've found and what a fantastic job it's doing of both Kim and Harry. Heartbroken I'm now caught up and can no longer binge-read it.

This fic is impossible to put down.

yes yes yes yes yesz yes yes yes yes yes LETS GOOOOO

this is such an enchanting and well thought out read

The writings style is so beautiful and just the right amount of flowery and detail <3

stays true to the mysterious and melancholic tones the game script has whilst being your own independent creation

HARRY SEEMS LIKE THE PERSONIFICATION OF A WARM CUP OF COFFEE. BEAUTIFUL.

AUGH I am waiting anxiously on the edge of my seat

It's amazing, and SUPER impressive- you guys ought to be feeling proud as hell!

It's really inspiring to see how much thought you guys gave put into this, and the entire fic is beautifully polished.

I'm screaming im crying

Thsi is fuckin incredible I can't wait for more, thanks for giving me my morning newspaper

Love waking up to an email notification about this fic!

there have been moments where I had to kick my feet and go hee hee! hoo hoo! god I love well written fic and this is very well written.

i just wanted to specifically state how gorgeous and well written it was and how many times i've re-read it lmao. You guys nailed the weirdness and unexplainable but still all consuming raw hurt of emotional dreams

read all of this in a day and it's so so thrilling and creative and interesting and inspiring. incredible work and such a gift

Their dynamic is beautiful and I'm so excited to see more of these two! You can so clearly tell how much thought you put into which traits and behaviours would still be present in the swap version and how they'd change and it's so much fun to read!

Their interactions have such a certain cadence to them. They feel really natural to me. They don't have everything out there, but you can feel the growing trust and earnestness. Youve done the progression of things so well.

Masterful. Touching. So full of love.

to read

I'm very pleased to finally be sharing this -- @lgbterrorist and I have put a lot of work into this Swap AU fic, and it's just started serializing on AO3.

Something happened to Kim Kitsuragi that knocked his life wildly off course. Now it’s March of ’51, and he’s woken up in the Whirling-in-Rags with an apocalyptic concussion, a chip on his shoulder, and a partner intent on solving a murder.

The Past Teaches You to Be Alone. Kimharry, rated M, final word count ~148k.

The cover art is by Sykine, definitely check out their other work!

[happyfoxx-art]

iM FINALLY CAUGHT UP WITH THE AFTERMATH STORY

I read it all in about... Oof, 24 minutes-

I was wondering (as someone who is struggling to get their own comic moving) how thoroughly do you script your comic and are there any tips you would give?

hiya! wow i am amazed by your speedreading xD

So basically, i write an outline first. for start to finish, what plot points do i want to hit and i try and think about how long i want to spend on each one. driving is easiest when you know your end destination!

then i go to scripting/thumbnailing. In the past i did those both at the same time but recently I'm scripting first and then drafting the art- hoping that makes things look nicer in the future. Though that'll be the way i handle my next comic. I intend to finish Aftermath the way i've been doin it- which is drawing lil thumbnails and writing the script at the same time.

My best tip is don't take on a giant project as your first one. I've been working on an original webcomic for a long time and i am nowhere near finished and the thing I've learned drawing Aftermath is that fast pacing and simplicity are my friend. Do as little as you can while still telling and showing all the things you need. Comics are such a hard storytelling medium and unless you have a big team you either end up spending FOREVER on your projects or they become so big and overwhelming that you quit.

idk about you, but i have WAYYY too many stories to tell to spend 10 years on each one.

anyways, thats my thoughts ;w; i wish you all the luck!

[edzephyr]

did you write that kohlinar thing yourself??

corrupted by the color of passion has me rending my clothes like in biblical times i'm

the whole thing is painfully beautiful, of course, but that phrase in particular just stabbed me right im the heart

Yes: I did an audition tape for something, and these days on film I recognize the subtle ‘kirkisms’ so I sometimes pull out little clips/stills and play with them. The gif-maker was corrupting but it suddenly gave me the idea of Spock having taken one tape of Kirk with him and it getting damaged somehow, and him reflecting on what he was doing.

If you watch The Motion Picture, there's a key difference, in my view, between the series and then, and it's (as others have referred to) the knowledge of what they are to each other. There's a whole new intensity to it, and the tension is mesmerizing. The idea of Spock purging all his emotions seems absolutely connected to Kirk (especially if you read Gene’s novelization). The most interesting untold Trek story is that one. That story has never been, to my knowledge, explored in the way the source material cries out for, in canon or 'legends' (Trek books/comics), though fanfic has surely ventured into the ballpark. The Motion Picture was what kicked me off in Trek proper, and after watching Wrath I went back to the beginning. Glad I did, because by the time I got to #3, where Kirk lies, cheats, steals, sacrifices his career for Spock, who is more important than anything, as though he were a part of him, I had the requisite grasp of the character arc and that relationship to fully appreciate it.

Acting is a strange alchemy and sometimes you find people who play magically well off each other. As an actor I’d liken running a scene to a moment of dreaming, the kind of dream where you’re not really yourself, and is surprisingly slippery when you step out of it. It’s odd watching playback and seeing things you weren’t conscious of at the time. I only mention it as people speculate a lot about how Kirk and Spock were created, and that amazing relationship. It’s littered with moments that really strike me as this kind of spontaneous ‘chemistry’, and yet there’s also the sense it wasn’t all left to chance. I refer mainly to the aspect that goes beyond a bounded notion of friendship; as others point out, there’s a terrific amount in the writing, editing, the photography – all these things are storyteller’s tools on film – that feed into it. Whatever the case, what’s there is there. It’s not hard to understand why the specificity of these characters, and their relationship, is important to fans, and re-interpretations don’t always land.

I have various friends in the industry and in fandom who articulate similarly, but I could talk forever about the original series and movies. I could walk you through Where No Man Has Gone Before, where immediately you have not only physical synchronicity, but a subplot that lays down the keystone and tone of their relationship: if it wasn’t at that point the intent of the writing, it’s in what the actors were doing innately. And I would say this is a salient point: you have scripted lines that have little to them, but are imbued with a whole different quality in delivery. It’s incredibly true in acting that the way the actor delivers the lines can change the whole meaning of them, or add to it. The final piece, and its meaning, is in the final print. And then the viewer becomes co-author in their interpretation of it.

Some things I love/ to look out for in The Motion Picture [SPOILERS]:

The parallel between Decker-Ilia/V’Ger, and Kirk-Spock. It’s very clearly set up and plays out beautifully. A great narrative device.

That moment when Spock walks onto the bridge, when his eyes fall on Kirk and the glimmer of what’s restrained. Kirk is...less restrained in how he looks back at him.

The way Spock ignores Kirk, or Kirk has to repeat himself, while Spock is suppressing his reaction to Kirk to the extent he’s not even able to respond to normal questions or asks.

How Kirk has lost his gilding: he’s darker, thinner, harder edged, and when Spock starts talking about monitoring their communications, Kirk is gazing at him, glassy-eyed, with undisguised, undiminished love and pain - it says everything.

How Kirk thinks getting the Enterprise back is the answer, but he’s still a mess until Spock gets there.

And while a fundamental part of Kirk and Spock’s arc is concluded in The Motion Picture, the movies journey into the next phase of their lives. I was talking recently to someone who is a good friend of Nic Meyer and it brought to mind all the symbology of The Wrath of Kahn – continuing into The Search for Spock, I think my favourite analogy relates to Orpheus and Eurydice: there’s a great post floating around where even the imagery is eerily close.

So yes, I do know the source material very well, and it certainly sparks the imagination

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: July 10th

I really let asks get away from me lately. I was super focused on working on that Patreon Moment. With that done I can finally think about doing other things, so here’s a new collection of answers!

Thank you for sending in questions everyone ^^.

For the new Patreon moment, will you be able to reference it in step 4? Or just like a tiny nod to it if you pick certain choices?

There won’t be. I’m sorry if you were hoping for that! The Patreon moment is meant to be entirely optional, it’s not something that gets you extra content in the main game.

Is the new CG artist the main one now? :0 I’ve noticed theres been a difference in the art style recently. Is the old CG artist still going to make art for the game? :0

The original artist still makes CGs for the game sometimes, but he mainly focuses on character sprites.

Are you going to put the NSFW our life moment on a website other than patreon? I would love to get it but I can't use patreon atm.

I don’t know. I'm afraid we can't release the Patreon Moment on a normal game storefront because we can't mix 18+ content with our family friendly game. If there's some other place similar to Patreon where it's not the normal type of full-scale public content releases we'd consider using that, but I’m not sure if there is another site that’s better than Patreon in that regard. I'm sorry.

Out of curiosity, in all of your games so far, which characters in each were the most fun to write? They obviously don't have to be your favorite characters!

Buffalo Seer in AFA, really everyone in XOD/XOBD is pretty equally entertaining to write, The Guide in LoV, and Cove in OL!

idk if you accept "personal" questions, but is there anything you've been watching/ listening to lately

Mostly, I’ve been watching/listening to Authortube videos as of late! It’s people who talk generally about the process of how books become traditionally published and/or share their own experience as they attempt to be published. I don’t have an interest in writing normal text based books, but it’s really interesting to hear about that world. I’m listening to a video about royalties right now as I answer these asks.

Will one of the desserts we get to pick be fudge? That'd be such a cute reference! 

Haha, yeah, it should. Unless I completely blank on it and forget when trying to include the various referential food options.

I don't know if this has been asked previously but what would be the approximate heights for the presets MC can choose from Step 2 ~ 4? Are there any measurement you had in mind? Sorry if I didn't make myself clear kk I've been struggling with my English lately 💀 

I don’t know, ahah. I didn’t have any numbers in mind for that. So it’s whatever you imagine it is!

I noticed a bug with the Patreon moment when it comes to what your character wears. When Jamie and Cove are kissing while my character only had dresses selected, I had both the option to remove the dress or to remove the shirt... Picking one of the options to interact with Cove, after he removed his shirt, it had Jamie remove their shirt followed by ther pants despite only having dresses picked. 

Thank you for reporting ^^

I keep refreshing steam to see when the new doc for xobd will be released. I noticed you haven't posted anything about it in quite some time. Would it be possible to ask about a timeline/potential date? (If it's even this year—) I know you and your team are probably working super hard, I'm just super curious! ~Thank you!~ 

There are more stories done, I just haven’t gotten around to publicly releasing them. Hopefully I will have a chance to spend the time on that sooner rather than later!

hello!! i’m not sure if it’s an update but i’ve just replayed our life and at the end i can’t propose to cove anymore? :(( i’ve actually tried playing twice but the options are not there anymore, did you guys remove the options? i’m sorry if you’ve answered this before!! thank you and have a good one :) 

I’m afraid things haven’t been changed or removed, so I think you might’ve accidentally picked the wrong things somewhere along the way and locked yourself out of being able to propose by mistake. Sometimes you meant to say you want to get married but instead you mis-click and have it so the MC isn’t thinking about marriage or something. All I can suggest is starting from the beginning of Step 3 and making sure to follow the steps listed in the FAQ. I’m sorry for that.

Did yall remove some of the options for when youre making out with Cove in the charity moment? I could've sworn you could grab his bonkadonk and its not there anymore 

This is the same situation as the above. We didn’t remove things and you’re not wrong that there are sometimes those options. But there are various choices you have to make to get those options and it sounds like you accidentally missed something. If your relationship isn’t long-term, you can’t do it for example.

HI IM SO EXCITED I CAN FINALLY GET THE STEP 3 DLC 

Thank you for getting it!

Is Shiloh super totally straight bc I’m very gay and a huge Shiloh fan, would my man make an exception?😩

Sadly, he is one of our super straight characters. I’m sorry.

Hi, I have a very dumb question. In Step 2 does Cove not wanna share his drink with us at the mall (or rather why he stops drinking it) because it's an indirect kiss? Or is it like ...weird to him to share? Because if I remember right he eats off our spoon in the birthday scene right? 

Yeah, he’s awkward about it because he likes the MC and it feels very personal to share a straw with his crush.

Hi! If you don't mind me asking, who is the artist for OL2? Their style is so pretty! 

Thank you for saying so! This is her Twitter- https://twitter.com/redridingheart

Do Beginnings & Always and Now & Forever exist in the same universe? 

Yep! XOXO Droplets also exists in the same universe. It’s one big GB Patch world, haha.

Do Pran's parents regret the way they raised him? Do they feel ashamed of it?

No. They’re the type of people best cut out because they’re not gonna change. Which is why Pran does go very limited contact when he’s an adult.

Hi! I just wrapped up my second playthrough of Our Life, and I absolutely adore it, but I had a question. I went to the gallery and found I was missing 2 CGS (specifically Step 1-3 and 2-3) and I had no clue where they would've shown up. Which moments are those found in? 

You get it by telling Cove about his dad offering you money to be his friend in Step 1 and Step 2. You can’t get both in one playthrough, since you can only tell Cove the truth once. I’m really glad you liked it!

Hi hi! Please, how tall is Baxter and Derek? Love the game so much and I can't wait to see more! 

I don’t know, aha. I think Baxter was around 5′10 and Derek was like 5′8/5′9, maybe. I really am not one who has specific heights for things in mind.

is adult cove a bottom, top, or switch? 

A switch, though would choose the top if he had to pick.

I was wondering if there is a way to transfer save data? Even if through the game files. I wanted to be able to transfer my save data from my desktop over to my laptop so that I could continue playing right where I left off from but I'm not entirely sure how to go about that. 

If you save the save folder/persistent data of the game from your desktop and put it into the game folder on your other device, that could work.

Hi! Is it possible for us to know the date when our life: now and forever comes out on steam? Sorry if you've mentioned it before but I haven't seen it and I'm looking foward to that happening and just wanted to know :) 

It’s gonna be a long time, I’m afraid. There’s no estimate right now.

I started playing Our Life with my sister a while ago, and I think you guys should know that we discovered your secret. >:)

L from death note and Cove are clearly the same person, and this whole game is just an origin story!!

I’ve never seen that show so I’m sorry to say I don’t understand the connection/reference you’re trying to make. I’m pretty out of the loop when it comes to media. I don’t watch movies or TV.

Will OL2 have options for disabled MCs?

I understand if it's too complicated, just curious

Unfortunately, it’s not really something we have a plan for. We couldn’t finish the game if we tried to include every disability and have it be meaningful. It’d just be too much content to create. But if we decide to only include a few, how would we choose which disabilities get to be represented and which are left out? I don’t know. It’ll probably have to be something we don’t include as an option again, sadly. I’m sorry.

playing our life > anything else 

Haha, I’m glad you’re enjoying it.

Honestly, I would like to thank Our Life for helping me come to terms with my sexuality. Before, I never would've actually thought that it was possible to like boys romantically and still be asexual. Almost all of the BL visual novels I've read had unskippable sexual content in them and it honestly just didn't click with what I feel. I'm glad I found Our Life. I love the game, the developers, and this fandom so much. Now, I can safely come out as homoromantic AND asexual (at least anonymously here anyway; my parents are still huge homophobes 😂). 

Aw, it’s great to hear you felt comfortable being yourself in the game! That’s wonderful. I’m really sorry about your parents, though.

Will the demo for OL2 be on android? Really not sure if I could wait any longer than I have to aha 

Yeah, it’ll be available for Android once we eventually release a demo!

Do all these reveals perhaps mean development is progressing ahead of schedule? Please let that be the case I'm already obsessed with Qiu 

No, sorry, aha. Art comes along much faster than script/programming-work for us. It’s gonna be a long time before the game is a finished thing you can actually play. But at least we can look at the beautiful images.

Hey! First of all I wanna say I reallllllyyyyy loooovvveeee Our Life and XOXO Droplets! I have over 300 hours of playtime on Our Life… Anyways, I was just wondering, are the Derek and Baxter DLCs going to come out at the same time? If not, which one do you plan to release first? :3 

They will come out separately and Derek will be first! Glad you like the game.

I keep replaying Our Life to get every possible iteration and I am loving it <3 I was wondering if Cove gets locked out of his confession because MC was talking to Lee, would it be possible to confess to him in step 4? 

Yeah, you can avoid the confession in Step 3 and then get it in Step 4.

Hi, my Cove wears bracelets through step 2 and 3 but I still don't get an option to give him a bracelet? I didn't even know that was possible until I seen someone else ask about it lol 

Hm, did you use the Cove creator? Maybe there’s a bug where using the creator to add bracelets doesn’t fulfill the requirement to give Cove a bracelet in Step 3.

Wait, I'm dense, when does Baxter appear in step 2? Is it from big park firework? I feel so bad since i really love Baxter and waiting to buy his dlc. 

It’s in the Soiree Moment. You have to be just friends with Cove, indifferent, or crushing but not ask Cove to the dance at all. Then while there you can find someone new to dance with. But if you bring Cove to the dance while crushing, the MC won’t wanna dance with anyone else so you can’t get the scene.

In step 2 when we go to the soiree I made my mc go alone and baxter chooses the mc to dance, i'm curious, why did he pick the mc? sorry if this has been asked before! 

Because the MC looked to be around his age, seemed to also be searching for a partner, and had nice legs. A perfect option for him.

I read some of the FAQs, and I saw that we could tell Baxter about the condo that he rented there was previously the mean old grandparents. how do we get the mc to tell him that? 

It happens in the DLC Moment “Late Shift”. If you don’t have a job you instead get a longer scene with Baxter.

I don’t know if you’ve addressed this or not, but are you planning on paying voice actors for our life: now and forever? 

Yeah, we pay our VAs in all our projects.

hey can i ask how you did the moments thing in ol? im trying to get into making visual novels and while im VERY sure its out of my comfort zone and all that atm i kinda wanna know just for the future, bc im p sure it would work well for something i wanna do :O but its also fine if you cant say for other reasons :> 

I’m afraid I’m not sure what you mean. Are you asking how we programmed the screen or something script related? Adding Moments like that is pretty straightforward, though. You just have buttons that open to different labels and then the scripts are essentially individual short stories/vignettes. Good luck with your VN!

Since Autumn becomes gender fluid later in the game, will there be a character who remains as he/him to romance in game? 

OL1 has the he/him LIs, OL2 is all about other genders.

I don't want to impose on your creative plans, but a parrot could possibly make a good pet in an OL-type game? They're pretty long-lived and likely to still be thriving by the end even if the MC got them back in step 1. 

I do appreciate the suggestion, but I’m afraid it’s not likely going to happen. I understand there are technically some animals that could theoretically live long enough to last the whole game that or we could have the MC only get a pet after some years have already passed. But the many things that would have to be considered/accommodated for makes it just something we probably can’t manage adding. I’m sorry.

As time passes will we be able to see Qiu and Tamarack's other stage arts as well?

They are both so cute i can't wait to be friends with them!

Yeah, we’ll show content from other Steps in the future. It’ll be a little while from now, though.

Can you date Cove and still have your family comfort you in the car?

You can’t get Cove’s Step 3 confession scene if you have the family comfort you in the car. But that’s not the only way to date him. You can get together with him earlier in the game or later on in Step 4.

Is Mc always going to be the one walking down the aisle or could Cove do it? Also could you choose to have one of your moms walk you? 

No. Cove wouldn’t want to walk down the aisle like that and the MC automatically respects that. And the MC also gets to have their preferences respected, so it’s up to you whether they want to do an aisle walk or not. You also can pick who, if anyone, walks with you.

Once step 4 is out, will you be able to go the whole game on crush/love without either of you confessing? 

Yes, as long as you tell the game you don’t want to progress the relationship. Even in Step 4 it won’t force you to officially get together.

Howdy, so in Step 4, there will be any Romance with Derek that is not part of any dlc? 

He’s only a friend unless you get his romance story.

Will the step 4 in OL2 be one big step or are you considering moments? 

Step 4 is just an epilogue in both games.

hi kind of a weird question but!! we know tht cliff doesn't start dating again but. wht abt flings? like does he ever do 1 night stands or anything? thank u!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Nope. Cliff has a very small interest in sex. If he’s not in a real relationship with a partner he’s crazy about it simply isn’t something he feels a need for, so one night stands wouldn’t even cross his mind.

sorry if you've already answered this, but i was wondering if there were plans for there to be bonus love interests in OL2 like how we have derek and baxter in OL1.

Maybe! There are side characters who could be given romance stories, but whether or not it will happen depends on funding and how long everything else takes to finish.

I don't know if i'm allowed to ask about ol2 here yet, if not u can ignore this or answer it later. My question is can you date one of them and be good friends with the other? I don't want to be strangers with the other bcs i love them both a lot :<

Yes you can!

what patreon level do i have to be to unlock the nsfw moment? im on the $5 one right now, will that give me access to the moment, or just access to the moment progress? 

That’ll give you access! Tier 2 and anything higher allows the player to download it.

[ironedsleeper]

Stupid personal shit but I think I need to vent some

In 2008 I started my freshman year of high school, I was a “gifted” kid so I didn’t go to the local public high school, I got invited to go to a college prep high school called University High. I was starting my battles with metal health and there I was in a brand new extremely high pressure school. Sometime that first month in my apartment biology class we were learning about dominant and recessive genes. Everyone got paired up with someone of the opposite sex so they could work together to figure out what a child would look like if it had the dominant traits from both partners. The entire class is paired up male/female except for me and one other guy. Obviously we get paired together and theres some jokes as we put together the pundit square. Then the teacher (who would later go on to be a vice principal at the other high school I went to) drops the bomb, we have to draw our would be children. I cant draw at all so the other guy, Andrew, decides he will draw our spawn who I preemptively named Fred Bob. The resulting drawing was so hilariously ugly that the teacher (after asking our permission) hung it up on the whiteboard for the rest of the school year. Andrew and I have been best friends ever since.

Fast forward a few years and after a major depressive episode, a handful of near attempts, and a lot of late night texting, I got to switch schools before I finally killed myself. Since we weren’t hanging out at school anymore Andrew and I started a few projects. One that took off was a fan voice acting thing (Karkat and Sollux Read My Immortal) and it was fun so we wanted to do more voice acting stuff. One of the ideas we had was for basically a radio play anime, we didnt ever call it that but that’s kinda what it was. We called it Fighting Academy and even recorded a teaser for it. After the teaser though we dropped the idea for other projects. I never forgot about Fighting Academy though. I spent the summer after I graduated high school with my mom and stepdad in Alabama and because there wasn’t much else to do, I expanded on ideas. I took the original idea, a kind of jokey not so serious thing that referenced some other stuff, and just turned into a much more serious thing.

Fast forward again another few years, Im in college now and we have access to a recording booth. Fighting Academy comes to mind and since I had taken a screenwriting class, I write up a few pages of a script, basically everything up to when the title card would appear in the episode. I tell Andrew I need his help with a school project and get him in to record some dialogue. The script I gave him was rewritten, he had no idea it was Fighting Academy at the time because I was talking to a few different animation students and I was hoping to get what I had for a script actually animated. I thought that would have been cool, a little 2-3 minute animated version of the idea we had in high school and with him (unknowingly) vocing the main character. It didnt pan out though and for another few years that was it.

Then fast forward further along and I get this idea that it would be cool to actually script out the first season of Fighting Academy. We worked together on ideas and I actually wrote out five full episodes, even started on the sixth one before I ran into a wall. I kinda screwed up by including a focus on actual martial arts and was constantly being held back by the fact that I dont know shit about martial arts. The project became daunting and less and less fun so I just stopped.

Somewhat recently, like a year or two after I stopped working on episode six, I decided that if I just removed the martial arts focus and changed a few story beats, I could probably get back to work on Fighting Academy. I have part of the first episode revised, did that a few months ago, and Im dragging my feet again.

So what started this post you might wonder? Well I talked to Andrew today about ideas Id been having for Fighting Academy revisions and he just didn’t respond.

I know he doesnt care about Fighting Academy like I do, this man has so many WIPs that Id be genuinely surprised if he still cared about one thats over ten years old. And hell Ive changed the idea behind it to something completely different from what it was all the way back then. I get that, I really do understand that he doesnt care and its not at all malicious on his part.

This isnt the first time Ive sent him a wall of text about Fighting Academy and been met with nothing. I think the actual biggest issue I have with working on it is that I really want it to be a collaboration with my best friend so bad but he just doesnt care about it the way I do.

When I sent him those ideas it was like 8 in the morning and still nothing. Im 100% certain the next message is going to be him sending me something funny or cool and we’ll just never discuss the ideas.

Im not mad at him or anything, really the point of all this is not to blame him in the least.

My issue is that when I realize he isnt going to respond I just

It ruined my day I think?

And its stupid because we were talking about five other things and I bug him with this shit all the time but still

I get that silence and it just crushes me

I think at some point I need to not tell him and just work on the revisions. Get to the end of the first season and show him everything, maybe with actual scripts and ideas put to paper so to speak itll help it seem more relevant to him.

I don’t think Fighting Academy will ever get made, its trope heavy and my writing style is more what my screenwriting teacher calls “functional” than it is exciting or good.

Its just a dumb idea that we had and I wish it didnt hurt that he’s not interested anymore

I need to have a very stern conversation with my heart about how just because something means a lot to me doesn’t mean it means a lot to someone else. And maybe even if it did mean something to someone else it might not matter to them anymore

[astral-from-afar]

Please confirm my memory of the culling arc in JJK because I don't have time to reread it but I wanna test my knowledge lol

gimme an accuracy score out of 100 after reading my shitty summary lol

Okay so before it starts first Yuji and the others meet Tengen to dicuss a game plan and I believe Yuki + Choso stayed behind with Tengen while Yuji, Yuta, and Megumi would go to the underground fighting place to gather players? And Maki would go to get weapons where she would eventually do that massacre.

Anywho after that Megumi and Yuji and Panda fight Kirara and get her and Hakari on their side to play the culling game. Okay so I think there were two colonies??? Shibuya and Sendai I think. In the Sendai one i think Kenjaku led non-sorcerers out of the colony through their dreams or something.

Okay and then I believe Yuji and Megumi split up. Yuji first dealt with the helicopter-hair people and met up with a middle school classmate or something where he would get led to Higuruma, the "Im gonna expose ur crimes" guy.

While that goes on Megumi fights the girl with a stabby hair and a rich guy i forgot. Im pretty sure i have my chronological events wrong but whatever.

Uhh i think after that one of them racked up their points and made a new rule in the game? Idk.

Yuta dealt with like a huge cockroach and a partially invisible lady and another guy i forgot i think?? After that megumi (or yuji i forgot which) fought the receipt dude and yuji gained a new weird ally while fighting against someone.

I believe after that was the Kashimo (was that his name; the lightnjng dude?) vs Hakari

Hakari won and got Kashimo on his side as part of a deal to let him fight sukuna.

i couldve sworn rules were added but idk

OH and there was a mangaka guy that hakari fought before kashimo

And thats up to volume 21 i think

anyways whats my score^^

I've been re-reading the manga (bc brainrot) so I can gladly try explaining it paragraph by paragraph and giving a final grade.

Paragraph 1: Yeah you pretty much got that all. Choso and Yuki stayed with big toe Tengen, Maki left for weapons and came back with the blood of her entire clan and Yuuji, Megumi and Yuta all went to be game participants but Yuuta left on his own.

Paragraph 2: Yep, Megumi and Yuuji both went to the fight club in order to get help from the third-years, Kirara and Hakari. Megumi's original plan was that Yuuji would start winning fights and grab the attention of Hakari so he can meet with him to discuss what's going on outside (y'know with the whole Gojo in a box thing). But Yuuji has to fight Panda who was already part of the fight club. Panda lets Yuuji win and Yuuji gets sent to Hakari, but Kirara smells something fishy and finds Megumi and Panda. They both have to fight and convince Kirara that they aren't opps from the higher ups at Juju Tech. Meanwhile, Hakari and Yuuji chat but Yuuji is obviously saying the script that Megumi taught him.

Hakari has the whole 'fever' thing so he senses that Yuuji isn't actually passionate and is just 'a cog in the system'. This brings them to the fight outside where Kirara has been convinced by Megumi and Panda but Hakari refuses to work with soulless ppl. This leads Yuuji to ask Hakari to hit him. So he does but chad Itadori takes them. Hakari senses a little fire in Yuuji so he agrees to join the party. Also he thinks Megumi is a good asset as Megumi was technically the heir of the zenin clan so Hakari thinks that it would be good for his fight club. Little does he know that Maki had exterminated her clan the day before. I'd give this paragraph 75%.

Oh yeah, Kenjaku was taking people out of the Sendai colony in their dreams. He also thanks one of Yuuji''s old friends and paranormal club member for looking after him. This was because the big sorcerers were there and Sendai technically has the biggest body count so you'd probably have to evacuate most people since they'd die and be rendered useless to Kenjaku's plan. In summary, there are 10 colonies and we've seen 3: Tokyo colony no.1, Tokyo colony no.2 and Sendai.

The plan the group made was: Yuuji and Megumi go and hunt for Higuruma the lawyer guy since he had over 100 points. Hakari and would go to find Kashimo (the lightning guy) since he was the one who racked up those points and already made a new rule ,to see every players profile with the amount of points they have. And Panda was to find Angel and negotiate with her.What the 4 need to do is to convince these players to help add more rules so they can fight back against Kenjaku. And I guess Kirara stays behind which is sad since I liked her technique.

Paragraph 3 + 4: Although Megumi and Yuuji both left the colony together, they were sent to different areas of Tokyo colony no.1 by Kogane. I assume this is because it'd be pretty useless if everyone went to just one colony and started killing each other, making the cursed energy only useful in one colony rather than equally between the ten so they just randomise where you end up. Yuuji has to deal with the spawn camping helicopter duo and pretty much defeats them. There he meets an old classmate who knew of Yuuji since Yuuji saved him once and agrees to take him to Higuruma. Megumi also lands in Tokyo colony no.1 but saves the spiky hair girl who wants him to be her knight in shining armour. She also agrees to take Megumi to Higuruma. But here's the thing, both of them say different locations which means one of them are lying.

Turns out Yuuji finds Higuruma bathing with his clothes on whilst Megumi met the rich guy (reggie star) and has to fight him. The fight with Yuuji goes first and we see more backstory on Higuruma (personally one of my favourite arcs) and Yuuji manages to convince him to use his points to add a new rule, to be able to transfer points among players. You were semi-right by saying Yuuji tries to get Higuruma to be an ally but he refuses saying that he'd feel even more guilty .Megumi has to fight a boat load of people but gains an ally, Takaba the comedian (you might have seen panels of his sheer dumbasssery). They win and Megumi who is on the brink of exhaustion, collapses in alleyway and is saved by Angel.

Paragraph 6: You're right that it is Yuta's arc and he is in Sendai colony (remember when I said it's the most bloodiest colony). Some background would be that there are 3 old-time sorcerers who have been reincarnated + a cockroach cursed spirit that could have been caught by either Suguru Geto or Kenjaku and are now in a stalemate for power. This has mostly been respected until Yuta comes in and kills one of the members (his name is Druv). This immediately makes them all shift their focus on Yuta as he tries to help evacuate more non-sorcerer people to safety. Unfortunately for him, since there were so many people it attracted the cockroach guy and they have to duke it out. He then kisses the cockroach and sends positive cursed energy at his head, therefore killing him.

He then starts fighting with Uro (the semi-invisible lady) but then Ishigoori (cannon hair guy) drops in to make this a three-way duel. Whilst the player cockroach is dead, the cursed spirit isn't so it kind of breaks the whole domain expansion thing the three were doing. This led Uro to shift her focus to the cockroach which Yuta took advantage of and got her from behind, but Ishigoori was the one to do the final hit on her with his granite blast. Now it is a 1 v 1 with Yuta and Ishigoori. Yuta wins this by recovering his technique, and using Uro's technique to shift Ishigoori's attack to the sky which goes back down to hit him directly. Uro and Ishigoori aren't dead but have to give all their points to Yuta, this is mostly thanks to Yuuji's new rule that transfers points among players. After that event Yuta has 200 points. This is in my top 3 personal favourite arcs which is the only reason I can remember most of it.

Paragraph 7: I'm gonna skim over this because I cannot FOR THE LIFE OF ME explain the Kashimo vs Hakari fight. So in basic Astra terms, Hakari first meets manga guy Charles Bernard where they go on a ferris wheel trip and Charles asks Hakari to make him hate him like a battle shonen, so Charles can have a reason to fight. They fight it out and Hakari wins by the power of his technique that I can't understand. We then shift to Panda where he's trying to find Angel but accidentally gets found by Kashimo. They duke it out but Kashimo wins but Panda is still alive. Cue Hakari dropping in and starting the fight epic fight between the two. Hakari wins the fight and agrees to to let Kashimo fight Sukuna which I am excited to see. The two come back to Charles and is met by Momo who tells them that they don't need to do rule #3 yet since Mei Mei's little brother can talk through colonies and Maki can enter and leave at will due to her 0 cursed energy. This leads to the next colony: Sakurajima.

And that's basically it for vol.19 to vol.21 of jjk. I think the culling game arc is way better reading all at once rather thank weekly because you get caught up in the smaller details and forget to look at the big picture. I'd say you have pretty good knowledge on vol.19 except Megumi's fight with Reggie which does have some importance later on in the story. You have decent knowledge on the Sendai colony arc but I think you'd need to look at vol.21 itself. I know there are videos that explain the colony battles I'd recommend Diavalo's ones on youtube which are about 1h long but are easy to listen to.

Overall score: 70/100 or B+

Good job Ren :)

[lovely-necromancy]

A Cure for Insomnia Ch 19

Your bags were jumping and sliding around in the back of Madeline's rusty pickup truck. She had been kind enough to offer you a ride up to the lodge when she stopped by the shop earlier.

Madeline had seen the sour look Nate kept sending you and how you were intentionally not looking over towards the soon to be graying young man. Not one to beat around the bush she asked what was up, mam bear mode peeking through.

Nate was just being a dick to you and saying you had to stay with the Cowells longer than what had originally been agreed to. Big Jo seemed fine about letting you go back home now, even with your resolve set to continue hanging out with Toby. But Nate was trying to put a tight leash on you since you “wouldn't listen to reason” - so he said.

Even with security at the cottage updated Nate still thought it best to keep you with them if you were planning to still interact with Toby. More than likely he was trying to make that harder for you to do since staying with them would definitely make it easier for him to keep track of you.

The thought alone set shivers down your spine. Like a constrictor slithering up your back to rest around your neck and do what it does best.

It had been really hard to breathe these last few days.

But all Madeline needed to hear was “Nate” and “being a dick” before she said she'd take you herself. Thereby ending the conversation and silent argument in the shop, as she spun on her heel stating when she'd pick you up later.

Nate hadn't been too happy about the exchange but he could suck your dick. He's been annoying you with all this Toby bullshit and doesn't get to tell you what he thinks right now.

The drive up is silent, but that comfortable kind of silence between two old friends who don't ever really have a need to talk to hang out. It's nice because it gives you tons of time to think about just what you're about to do.

Going over several scripts all at once in your head.

You want to talk to Toby. You still haven't read that file but it just doesn't sit right with you that it was ever even given to you in the first place. Toby being completely unaware of the total breech of privacy makes your stomach flip just like your bags in the back right now. It's not like you ever asked for the detailed life file but at the same time it feels wrong not to let Toby know tht something like that even exists for him. His past being dug back up all without his knowledge or consent. And now here you were about to lay it right down in front of him.

Was this the right move? You're the one bringing it to his attention, if it's something that will mess him up it'll be your fault that he's upset. Jo and Nate may have gotten the information but you still count yourself as being a complacent party to all of this.

Your stomach feels like it's on a drop tower as it sinks further into a pit of guilt.

You feel like the scum of the Earth right now. Hopefully he isn't too upset.

Seeing your downcast eyes, you were a lot more expressive than you ever really realized, Madeline pipes up, “You gon' be ok there sport?”

A small smile bit at your lips. There's a reason Madeline Cobb was known in Kepler as Mama. She took care of those she saw as her own and that was damn near half the town at this point. Hell you'd heard a rumor she raised most this town. The lodge had been her orphanage  before all the kids grew up and turned it into a resort once new arrivals stopped coming. That's probably the reason it's always been so warm and welcoming, it was a home first.

“Yea...just nervous.”

She lets out a small chuckle at you.

“Don' be, 'm sure that Toby boy will say 'yes'. And if he don' well you just come find me. I'll set him right.”

Ok now you were just confused.

“Huh?”

“Don' worry about it, he likes you jus' like you like 'im. It'll work out for you two.” she reaches over and ruffles your hair before jumping out of the pickup. You hadn't realized you were already at your destination.

And it was too late to correct Mama, she'd already made it inside the lodge, about why you were so nervous. The warmth in your face makes you even more grateful for your mask. Barclay was getting bit by the end of the night, the man really needed to get a boyfriend and stop trying to manifest one for you.

The door to the lodge opens again, you hardly paid it any mind. So lost in your own musing you didn't even notice the man walking towards you. Your goat plush had fallen beneath your seat and you were attempting to grab it but it was too far out of your reach.

“You good there?” Toby's amused voice calls, startling you.

Popping your head out of the opened car door. Heart racing faster at the sight of your friend standing there with a small smirk on his bandaged face. You weren't ready for this.

His eye looks better, well like a normal black eye and not a swollen lump that threatened to over take his socket. Now his eye looked like it could still function out of the slight opening. Fuck this was hard enough when you'd pictured only one eye looking at you but now you had to calculate for both!?

Is it weird that this is what worries you? Are you derailing from the actual situation? Distracting yourself so the conversation is easier on you. So you don't have to think about the possibility that Toby won't want to be friends after this. That he'll end up hating you for something you hadn't done.

God you really want to cry.

“Hey, space cadet.” Toby's made his way over to your side and puts a gentle hand on you knee, “You ok? Did something happen?”

He's really sweet, you're going to miss him.

No, stop. You need to get a grip and stop thinking like this. Toby will understand and you guys can continue being friends, a bit awkwardly but still friends. You'd get to hang out and maybe wander through the Monongahela together.

“I...I dropped my goat.”

He cocks his head to the side, brows slowly smoothing out and he gives a gentle squeeze to your legs as he reaches under you, hand searching for your lost plush.

The warmth that was once collecting in your cheeks shoots down past the void sitting in your stomach. Just another thing to add to your list you suppose. After a week of nearly no privacy or comfort you are thoroughly pent up. You don't necessarily want Toby, just need someone or something to help relieve the fire between your thighs. He just happens to be in proxcimity of that fire, poking the flame that hasn't been snuffed during your stay with the Cowells, making it dance and writhe reminding you of the need.

But you can't focus on that yet, you'd give yourself a hand when you finally got back home. Right now you needed to focus on Toby. And having that uncomfortable conversation.

“Here he is.” placing the goat in your lap he looks into your eyes, a slight glint in his.

He's in a really good mood tonight. You have to ignor the whispers in your head, telling you you're about to ruin this for him.

Luckily a tic to the right shoos those thoughts away for you.

“YN?” his hand is back on your knee, it's such a small gesture maybe even completely subconscious but it helps ground you.

You haven't read that file but you can't see Toby ever doing something awful enough to warrant Nate's barrage of paranoia and fear. Even if he did....he couldn't still be bad right? You're such a good judge of character and you called Brian on his masking there's no way you'd miss Toby lying to your face.

“I...” he's looking into your eyes searching as you take a steadying breath, “I just really need a slushie right now.” your eyes drop to the goat in your hands.

You fucking coward.

It's silent for a moment as you chastise yourself for not just coming out and telling Toby you wanted to talk. Toby's hand falls easily from your knee and to his side.

“A'right then, you good to drive?” you really missed your chance here, “'cuz Brian's got Connor tonight.”

Wait what?

You look at Toby who simply raises the right side of his mouth in a lopsided grin. A subtle raise of his right brow tells you he understood what you'd asked for. When was the last time anyone was ever able to read you so well?

“Yes!” you push the goat into Toby's chest and practically dive into the back seat for your bags. “I can drive. Franklin?”

“Don't work tomorrow, so sure.”

His good mood seems to pick back up a bit. He's chuckling as you rush to gather everything and head over to your car, barely shutting Mama's door as you do. Toby gives it a good bump with his hip to make sure it shut properly. He unlocks your car for you and slides into the passenger's seat while you arrange your shit in the trunk.

You catch sight of the skull still in your trunk and figure you'll just leave it as is for now. Since it seems that literally every time you close this trunk you forget it exists. Bye weirdly placed deer skull maybe one day you'll have a wall mount worthy of your beauty.

Before closing the trunk you do rab the file. Maybe having it up front with you will help you actually tell Toby about it.

When you open the driver's side Toby's hand is already outstretched and waiting for your phone, this isn't his first rodeo after all. You can't help but smile as you hand it right over to him. He notices, because of course he does, and beams back at you. Sending more warmth throughout your body. After collecting your emotions the guilt comes back around.

You need to stop being horny on main. And in front of Toby no less. It's weird, like you're riled up for him and not because you're attention starved and haven't known solitude for over a week.

By the time you're driving off the lot Toby had picked you 'Let's drive to nowhere' playlist. A perfect choice for tonight, seeing as these are all either songs to dissociate to or have mental break downs with. And with you obnoxious emotions either is up for grabs. Aside from the music the car was silent as you drove out of town.

You were so wrapped up in what to say to Toby, how to say it, when – that you ended up not saying anything at all. Toby on the other hand couldn't wait for you any longer and broke the silence himself.

A habit he seems to have, must not like silences.

“Normally you don't shut up,” the words were harsh but his tone wasn't for once.

He watches as the scenery changes from quaint country road to interstate. “Did something happen?”

An awkward anxious smile makes its way on to your face. You've never been good at schooling your features and smiling was unfortunately your default in the even of confrontation. It was probably just your brain's way of protecting you from emotional trauma.

“Sorta.”

To his credit Toby waits for three full songs before prying for more information.

“Another attack?” he's on edge.

To be fair you are too.

“No, like hell Jo and Nate wo-would let me leave if that were it.” your head jerks twice to the right. You miss Toby's wince.

Nate barely let you leave the shop today, you had to get outside assistance aka Mama.

“Ok, so what happened then?” as you bit your lip trying to find your words Toby is running through his own list of possibilities. “Dis Ma- Tim do something to you?”

Huh?

Why would Tim have anything to do with this? Are they still fighting? But Brian has Connor tonight...that doesn't seem likely but you've really only hung out with Toby thus far. You don't know enough about their group dynamic.

You also didn't miss the beginning syllable Toby said. Was he trying to say 'Matt', 'Mark', 'Manny'? There were so many names that Tim's alter could have but at the least you've more or less been told there is an alter to begin with.

But why would Toby be concerned about Tim's alter? Was he the one that punched Toby? Were they actually the two fighting and not Tim and Toby? This is confusing just being on the outside, you have no idea how the trio copes with this situation.

“Oh no, Tim and Not Tim have been nice to me.” if you're coming clean about the file might as well come clean about knowing Tim has an alter. This way Toby could pass along the message to Tim and Not Tim.

“Back up, not liter-mrrow – literally. 'Not Tim'? You've met Mas-Ma-Masky?!”

Masky? That's a strange name, but who were you to judge the name someone gave themself. Maybe he's a He/Him enby.

“Not like formally or anything, but I'm pretty sure he was the one that helped me and Ronnie out the other week.” you switch lanes to drive off of the interstate, hoping to find a secluded road to have this conversation on.

God knows it's going to take all of your concentration.

Toby was seething in his seat and you know the tension is only going to get worse going forward.

You can hear him muttering to himself, 'of course' or 'he didn't remember', over and over. Finding a good place to park the car you take it and turn to Toby, who's still lost in his own head.

“Tobias.” you call trying to jostle him and it works a little too well in a sense. As he blurts out, “Don't! Masky's dangerous stay away from him!”

He immediately freeze like he hadn't meant to say that. And while it wasn't a tic it was probably an impulse brought on by his anxious frame of mind. He's popping his knuckles again too.

You don't know why you said it, looking at Toby's wide blown pupils – riddled with fear and nerves, you should've kept you mouth shut.

“Dangerous like you?”

Or at least phrased that a bit more eloquently.

Toby's eyes grow dark and his good eye cuts low nearly matching it's swollen twin. A shiver runs down your spine even though you know the malice is not for you.

“What.” he hisses out.

It's not a question, it's an order. He wants to know what you know and maybe even who told you. Maybe he thinks Masky told you something, since that was the topic of the previous conversation.

Dark eyes watch you like a hawk as you pull the file from the map holder in your door. His chest is nearly heaving with every breath at this point, can he hyperventilate? That's a dumb question he most certainly can. And he's either on his way to that or a panic attack. You hope you don't send him into a panic attack, Connor's not here to help. Connor know pressure though, Toby's had him preform it on you during your spells. Would it work the same if you laid on top of Toby? You're getting too distracted right now.

Not trusting yourself to not just back down now, you hold the folder out to Toby to take.

He's just staring at it like it'll attack him at any moment, and honestly it might...just not physically. He glances up at you. There's a funny flash of deja vu likening back to the first time you met. Cold indifferent and confused eyes looking at you as though you were some strange alien they'd never seen before. This time however there's a spark of something else in them. Something dark that festers beneath the surface. Was that hatred, betrayal, or was that the wall he was building back up. The wall that would sever this friendship.

Stop projecting. He hasn't even taken the file, he can't possibly know what's going on right now.

“What's that?” see.

“Nate got super protective after the attack, I guess the other day you just like rubbed him the wrong way. So, he had someone look into you. That file is everything they found...pretty sure it's your whole life, I swear I haven't read anything. Not even a peek. But Jo and Nate tried to tell me the-”

He snatched the file from you before you'd even said you hadn't looked. He opened it and a second later it was closed and he took a shaky breath before looking at you.

It was your turn to look like a deer in headlights tonight, you knew that breath was one of barely concealed rage. This was it, this was where everything ended, all because Nate had “a bad feeling” about Toby.

But you trusted Toby, he wouldn't hurt you. He was your friend.

“So” he lets out a harsh sigh, “you didn't...you haven't read anything?”

You hastily shake your head, “What did they tell you.” he looks off to the side and his mouth is all screwed up, and not in it's normal mangled sense.

“That I shouldn't see you anymore, you did something bad, awful, terrifying; Nate's list goes on but I sort of...fo the fingers in the ear 'lalala' thing” you say sheepishly, “anytime he tries to tell me something. Jo stops when I ask him to. He's not too worried about you...I think.”

Or he's working behind the scene to keep you and Toby separated for the long run but that's speculation and not the point of this conversation so you don't mention it.

Toby's flipping through the file skimming it, no doubt looking for his checkered past, he finds what he's looking for and nods once continuing on like he was reading a grocery list. Which he may as well have been, a grocery list of all his transgressions. With the way his fingers gripped the edges of the folder you could tell he was putting on a front about the contents.

They did bother him.

“Why didn't you look, why didn't you listen YN?” was he seriously angry at you for that?

“It was an invasion of your privacy. Whatever's in there I wanted you to have the ability to tell me on your own terms – if you ever even wanted to. Not because you were forced into it because I found out from some third party that doesn't even know you.”

“Then why the fuck did you -wrong- practically jump into a car with me and then hand me a file on my shitty life!?!” He slammed the file down into his lap with a lot of force, more than he should have used for sure. “They think I'm a menace and they're right you shouldn't have...you need to...” he trails off looking like he's trying to disintegrate the file in front of him with latent laser eye abilities.

His arms are shaking.

No – he's trembling. The way he's biting his lip tips you off. He's trying to hold himself together, trying to stop himself from breaking. This can't be the same person Nate's so worried about.

“You're biting your lip, that's not good for you.”

“Fuck off.” it's half hearted at best, no real weight behind the words. And he does let his abused lip go.

“It's a breech of trust if I didn't tell you this...I wanted to give you the file because you should know it's been read by two people, to my knowledge.” you place a hand on his forearm, “Toby, I don't know what you've done in the past but...you know you aren't that person now, right?”

He's out of the car in an instant, slamming the door behind him. You follow, as dumb as you understand it is, getting out of your car in the middle of no where with a very unstable person.

“Get back in the car. I mrrow I can't...I need a minute.” his shaking is so much worse now that he's standing, It's even put a tremble in his voice.

“You're stupid if you think I'm leaving you alone in the middle of no where.” you stand your ground, he may need space but this is not the place to have it. You're only a few miles from town, you can get him back to the lodge where he doesn't have to see or be near you.

Hell you won't say a word on the way back.

“Like you're not stupid for ignoring the warnings that I'm dangerous! I've killed people! Did you know that?! Did you even think that's what was so bad!?” he's giving you the same glare he had on when he talked about the fight with Tim.

“I could literally kill you right now, you've driven us out to who knows where but still remained in walking distance back to town. You live on the outskirts of it and it'd be so easy for me to make you disappear and everyone would believe your stalkers got to you.” his chest heaves at a vicious rate.

Despite the venom and truth of his words, you can't find it in you to be scared of him. If anything his rant proves Toby must not have been mentally well during his crimes, he's acting like a cornered alley cat not a serial killer. There's a vice grip on you heart at the thought.

“Ok...are you?”

It's like a switch has been flipped in him and he calms instantly.

“What?” he knows what you're asking.

“Are you going to kill me?” you asked like you'd been asking what time it was.

He stares at you looking you up and down, “No...I wouldn't.” his neck jerks triggering your own tic.

“Then I'm safe.” you slowly approach him, much like you would a feral alley cat. “I trust you Tobias.” you reach out to tough his arm again.

It hadn't worked in the car but Toby does seem to calm down faster when he's being touched. Like the sensation brings him back to reality and locks him there.

“Y-you shouldn'n'n't.”

He doesn't pull away this time as you place your hands gently on his forearms. His eyes raise to meet yours.

“...I've killed.”

He sounds so helpless.

The only thing you find shocking about this is that he actually did it. You know people are capable of all sorts of vile things. But the way Toby's voice breaks, the tremors that run through his body. You can't see any similarity with the horror show you once imagined, a Toby covered head to toe in blood and a vicious grin.

The fact that Toby killed doesn't really phase you much more than the ever present 'how' that rings out. He must have had a reason. Jo wasn't too worried so maybe it was circumstantial. Not to mention Toby's among the general public. Could it have just been an accident? A misunderstanding?

“I don't – no I'm not going to say 'I don't care', because this is something that really effects you but I...I guess what I'm trying to get at is..it doesn't bother me. I know it should but, Tobias I just can't picture you as a murderer.” that blood stained Toby flashes before you singing 'liar', “I got to know you before finding out any of this. So, I know there must've been a reason behind it. And that's...and you don't have to tell me anything.”

Nothing more is said, after all you've said everything you could think of to deescalate the situation. And Toby is frozen as he stares at you. You'd have thought he was dissociating had it not been for the way his eyes still held that tiny reflection of light. He was still present, just unsure how to proceed.

Honestly you were stumped too, you had no idea how to begin this conversation let alone end it.

“My – there was...” you rub his arm in a small circular motion. You don't need to hear anything more, it already feels like too much information that he'd lost the agency for.

But your gentle shushing did nothing because he continued, “Clairse says I had a psychotic break and...just went after the biggest stressor at the time.” he pauses with a deep breath and closes his eyes in the process. “She says it wasn't really my fault, I was under...a lot of – I wasn't there, where I should've been mentally. My dad was abusive...anyone in my situation would've broken at some point.”

His words are hollow and robotic. A mantra he's learned to say although he doesn't believe it.

You'd normally give someone the choice but this time you just slip you arms over his shoulders and pull him into a hug. There's no resistance from him either, if anything he leans into the embrace and grips onto your back. His trembling doesn't stop but it's softened by the pressure.

“You don't have to tell me anything Tobes. I don't want you to...not if it's this painful.”

“I want – want to tell you about Lyra.” his voice cracks in tandem with his neck as he says her name.

And he does tell you, against all your protests to take his time. He tells you everything laid out his whole life right in front of you. From being home schooled early on – isolated within his own home for years, to his older sister and her untimely accident that he's still clearly wracked with guilt about, and then the spiral that ended in patricide and a fire that ate his entire neighborhood.

By the end of his recounting he'd stopped trembling and letting out the occasional sniffle – and now the two of you were leaning on the hood of your car. Looking at the stars that just started coming out for the night, you occasionally whispered affirmations to Toby as he tells more stories from his childhood. The good ones this time.

His spirits aren't as high as they were when you'd started your evening but they're much better than they were two hours ago.

You chuckle as he finishes telling you about the time he and Lyra managed to sneak out of the house for a concert only to realize they had no way of getting back into the house when they returned. Their mom just opened the door letting them inside with a small crease in her brow but the smile that played at her lips told them everything they'd needed to know. They weren't in trouble, she'd sent them off to bed and in the morning asked how the show was. From the way Toby talked about his mom you can tell he really loves her. The feeling must've been mutual, if she sent them off to bed instead of dishing out a punishment all because Toby had smiled for the first time in weeks that night.

“Ah, favorite child Toby strikes again.” you joke.

This time Toby didn't say anything, you had been throwing small jokes in to help keep the mood light, but he just looked at you with his head tilted. A grim expression barely crossed his features before being replaced with a lopsided smile and warm but sad eyes.

“Y'kn – Kyra used to say that all the time.”

“Must be true then.”

He looks at his hands with the softest expression you've ever seen. It's an expression normally given to Connor, just sadder this time.

You nudge him getting his attention back to the present.

“You still want that slushie?”

He takes a moment to look around you and finally rests his gaze on the stars. “Not Franlin, not tonight.” he says focusing back on to you.

“Think we're two exits from Riverton if that helps. They have Wawas.”

“Wawas?” he chuckles.

You nod, “Yea they have smoothies and milkshakes.”

“Ooh la la.”

You both snort and head back into the car. It's surreal to be buckling back in, joking around with Toby when just hours prior you thought you'd be ending your friendship the moment you opened your mouth.

You can't help but ask, “Are we cool?”

“Yea...we're good. 's not like you fucking asked for the information.” he leans his head against the window and crosses his arms into himself.

“I'm still sorry about it though.”

“Know you are. But it's over now.” the finality of that statement takes the weight off of your shoulders. For the first time in days you can breathe again.

“Thanks for telling me everything...you didn't have to. But I appreciate you sharing it with me.”

His nails dig into his arms, or they would have if they weren't chopped down to the bit.

“I mrrow I-I didn't tell you everything...”

Nope this was over and done with, no more sad and scared Toby. You couldn't handle anymore, guilt had found a friend in discomfrot and the two had set out to eat you alive with every tremor that tore through Toby's body.

“What are you like a child murderer or something?” Giving a laugh to soften the joke.

….

You missed the way Toby tenses and sucks in a breath. His heart is beating wildly in his chest, so hard he's certain you hear it. Is that where you draw the line? Child murder. Of course you had to have some boundaries he couldn't just expect you to be cool with everything he's done. You were sure to figure it out sooner or later no thanks to your boss. But Toby couldn't loose you now. Not when you've been an anchor he hasn't had in such a long time. He feels almost human again when he's with you.

He's been quiet too long, at least he thinks he has. He needs to say something, joke around back and dismiss the notion. You can't know not now – maybe not ever.

“I'm trans!” he hadn't meant to blurt that out.

He stared at you with wide eyes. Why had he said that, that hadn't even crossed his mind. Just as he was about to laugh it off you reached over and lightly punched him in the arm. That small gesture sent a tickle down Toby's spine. It was such an innocent touch, but he was touched starved and knew it.

“I am too goof. Thanks for telling me but why the wait?”

Fuck now he had to think of something. Talking to you always made him so brain dead.

“Mrrow...mrr-you saw me as a man first...I wanted to keep it that way.” maybe he didn't have to make something up, just tell you the half truth.

Brian had questioned him when they got ready for the picnic why he hadn't worn his trans tie dye shirt and he's said he misplaced it. A bold lie to tell someone like Brian, especially since it'd been a gift from his mom. She had sent it in a care package last June. He'd never loose something his mom gave him, at least not so quickly. If he'd been being honest with himself at the time, he was worried about your reaction. Of course he knew you were trans too so not like you'd be one to be a transphobe, but he didn't want you to stop seeing him as a man and only see him as trans.

“Toby, you are a man. Nothing short of you telling me otherwise will change that for me.”

Toby isn't sure when you grabbed his hand but he's aware of your hold when you start to rub along his knuckles. He watches your thumb circle jis joints and pressing a bit into the divots as he takes another deep breath.

He gives his best smile, a lopsided uncomfortable looking thing, “I don't think I like when you call me Toby.”