#im trying to handle a few irl stuff

[starzdeath]

ahaha guess who found out their notifications have been broken for the past few weeks

[bfdiredux]

ough itd be cool if there were more queer rep than just like a few characters using they/them !!! i personally like transmasc enby sapphic pin! {so not projecting trust} i think like at first {during like bfdi-bfdia} she tries to conform to the norm and stuff so shes like super sassy, tries yo be super girly, ect. but then since shes been through so much during bfdia, she sorta just,,, stops caring about how she presents,, i think this could happen like around like during the final stretch of bfdia?

then like during idfb shes sorta just. there. only wearing whatever she has, not really caring anymore, then maybe as bfb starts she kinda slips back into old habits, theres these new people she barely knows anything about, and shes been thrown back into competition,,, so she begins to try and present acceptably again.

then as tpot starts, maybe she can realize "hey maybe i dont... need to do. that" and just kinda chill doing what she wants now, sometimes still dressing feminine, coz who can resist those pretty flowy dresses? and sometimes just throwing on whatever she has. but now, shes comfortable not thinking about what others think, and its all for her.

but i dunno im just like projecting what happened to me onto her because. ya,,, but i think more queer rep would definitely be cool coz irl its way more diverse than just a couple enbies in a sea of guys and gals lol

Mmmmm queer characters 😋

The current (& growing) cast of queer characters are:

Price Tag [Biromantic enby; they/them]

Winner [Enby; they/them]

Every algebralien ever- none of them are straight

Loser [Alloromantic transmasc; he/him]

Gaty [Sapphic grayromantic transfem; she/her]

Profily [Enby; they/them]

Pin [Sapphic transmasc enby; she/her] (Thank you!)

-

I don't have many complaints with Pin. I adore her story in BFDIA and her relationships with the other contestants. She makes for a great villain and it's clear that somewhere between BFDIA and IDFB she becomes a better person. I'm leaning into believing that someone's going to call her out and she's going to realize how badly she's been treating others.

My one problem with her is how they handle her disability-- her lack of limbs. She loses them in early BFDIA, has this disability throughout her villain arc, and then gets them back by swapping them out for her pigment before IDFB once her arc is over.

I just. ?? No. That's ???. No

We need more disability rep anyway

Redux!Pin's character proposal:

In BFDI, Pin is rather mean-spirited, but clever and resilient. She's fierce and confident and good at what she does.

This carries over to BFDIA when Woah Bunch forms. However, interacting with Donut and Coiny makes her realize she can have valuable friendships. She's gone from doing challenges for herself to doing challenges for them all.

But FreeSmart is getting on her nerves. They do things that hurt her and her team. They practically make her an inanimate object. She lets her frustrations out-- she's vengeful and vocal.

It accumulates in PointyPointyPointy when FreeSmart steals her music. HER work to progress. They CHEATED their way to the end and Pin WON'T LET THEM WIN.

She is TIRED of the disrespect. She is TIRED of taking it easy. She TRIED being nice and it DIDN'T WORK. She TRIED playing fair and it DIDN'T WORK.

So she won't.

Screw them. She'll do what is right by her and Coiny, even if it means being dirty. She ensures they're put up for elimination and REVELS in it.

Cut to BFDIA 18. Woah Bunch is disbanded by Golf Ball. Coiny says the line:

"May the best player win."

Oh.

She sees how it is.

She sees how it is.

Fine. She doesn't need Coiny. She doesn't need anyone. Screw them all, she'll play and win for herself. She ANTAGONIZES the other contestants.

I don't know how her redemption is going to play out in canon. During IDFB she'll start exploring her identity and reflecting. She's been so focused on the game that she rarely ever thought of who she is and now she has a chance to.

She gets her pigment removed. She's going to start fresh.

She gets it back before BFB, perhaps due to being recovered, and stays red for the game.

She's concerned about what others think, too. Sure, there's other outwardly trans contestants but.. god, she doesn't know.

She's got sass but has become nicer. She genuinely cares about others and supporting them.

I think I have to flesh out more of BFB before I'm certain on what I want to do with her there.

In TPOT 2 she's hard against cheating(or what she sees as cheating) because of her behavior in BFDIA. Two is fine with the glue, so...

Huh. Okay, then.

Coiny and Pin also have that moment in TPOT 2 where Coiny says he enjoyed how BFDIA went and had fun-- Pin argues against that. She's not proud of her actions and the worry of being like that again is still present. It's weighing her down because it never left her side.

She knows on some level that she doesn't need to care about what others think... But it's there, a quiet concern.

In TPOT 2 she'll learn to ignore that again. It doesn't matter.

If so... she can be who she wants to be. That applies to her looks too.

She gets her pigment removed again. It's time to start fresh. It's time to let go of her past actions.

She tries out different decorations throughout TPOT up to her elimination.

Pin will eat anything with paprika. She LOVES paprika.

She's loved collecting tokens since BFDI!

ALSO Pin will not have limbs after she loses them in BFDIA. At all.

[calicotisane]

hey man love ur blog , u dont gotta answer this if u dont wana , but im also autistic and i relate to alot on here . and i wanna ask about how school was in your experience as an autistic person? im still in school, if theres any way you handled it, any advice, thatd be neat . its also cool if there isnt . i mostly just want someone to talk to about it . sorry if this is some invasion of privacy

Its ok you can ask me any thing about this always. I am happy and glad to talk even though I still struggle with knowing what to do with school and wish I had good advice to give. School has consistently been the biggest stressor in my short life up to this point and it's one of the like 4 major things taking up space in my brain, and I still feel like I never learned any lasting survival strategies that made a big difference... I dont think what i wrote is very useful and my ability to type stuff concisely and coherently is just getting worse and worse over time but this is some of my own experiences. As you can probably imagine school sucked really bad for me and I think the major issue was the alienation. I dont want to assume what your struggles and experiences are but that will be my focus talking about it since it's the, theme in my life.

I felt in high school like no one really cared that much about me and no one knew or cared to figure out how to help me, I didn't know what kind of help to ask for either and I still don't. I did not make any friends in high school and I never learned how. In my case this was especially challenging because I moved to a small town in high school, nearly all these people had known each other for years, and it was challenging even for a socially functioning person to really become a part of that community. Thus 1000% without a doubt completely impossible for me. I have basically not had any real life friends I've remained in contact with since like 6th grade and i genuinely believe i've only had one truly good irl friend in my life. When there are no people my age to lean on outside the internet I have to look to the Adults in my life for school support, and very few teachers have ever been understanding or helpful in any meaningful way. Making friends and finding teachers who weren't indifferent at best towards me was a total fantasy by high school, because at that point I had been worn down by the continuous social rejection and isolation. That is what describes my life but in particular my school experience as an autist, "isolation," "indifference," I only existed to people when I was embarrassing myself or being laughed at.

In my last year of high school I completely stopped trying to make friends or involving myself in anything or hoping that anyone would reach out to me because the never ending lack of interest had become so painful I could not bear it anymore, and would rather just focus on completing the work and waiting for it to finally be over. I gues that was my survival strategy there and we all have to do whatever it takes to survive, sometimes this has to happen, but I really really don't want anyone to have to do that ever. I do not remember what it is like to feel like a real person or to not be alone but it never stops hurting even when you are used to it. Its really upsetting to me that the best advice a lot of people (probably me included) can give related to getting through high school is just "You'll get through it eventually." I want there to be real immediate solutions that alleviate pain. It really fucking sucks.

My therapist said that I am suffering most of all from 'powerlessness' in my life, that is how I feel about school too. How do you fix that i was wondering, by definition you can't, right? She said I should try to identify what I can control in my life and think about it as much as I can. I finally improved my ability to keep up with my schoolwork by my last year of high school, and I kept my head above the water by focusing as hard as I could on what I had to do to reach the end goal. It's really hard to not be apathetic, or be afraid or withdraw, it's a pain in the ass to care enough to do any of it and keep trying when it feels like theres no immediate return. I am not quite sure how i did it besides thinking really really hard about the idea that i wouldn't have to go to high school anymore and new opportunities were going to happen in my life afterwards. Graduating was like finally throwing up after being miserably sick for years of my life. I believe school is universally traumatic for all autistic people and getting through it needs to be commemorated with a standing ovation and apologies from everyone and at least 1 million dollars. I am sorry it is happening to you!

I don't know what your plan is now or after high school. Its not the end of the world no matter what happens, if you get stuck there or you dont do well or you give up on it or anything. I personally have copious freakouts over stuff not working out exactly right in school and fearing that my life is totally fucked forever (this happened yesterday even in college of course) and it's important to remember that SOMETHING always happens, nothing is the end, there is always some other outcome in my experience... something okay and something good is going to happen eventually. I know it just sucks abysmal dogshit in the meantime. You are not going to be in education forever regardless of what happens, it is a nasty thing to get through and then the rest of your life is waiting. I have to believe that it does get better even if it's not currently getting better for me because I would completely lose it otherwise. This world is cruel as fuck to autistic people and all disabled people and it's not fair but There is peace and connection and understanding and togetherness for us too. Not everything is so awful and nothing ever has to be that way... not resignation, or hopelessness, trying to maintain resolve I just have to keep thinking this and I have to keep going. Im not that much older than you, i think anything i have to say is still immature and limited by my lack of experience and i am technically still in school, so you are likely to receive better advice from autistic people who are a bit older..., but i still can talk about it and try very hard to think of good things to say, whenever, if i can. Agh i need to study. oups

[the-s1lly-corner]

I love your work so much aaaaaAAAAA!!!

Ok so imma be straightforward, this is straight up me coping with irl stuff and reading your work makes me forget the cruel outside world so HERE WE GO!

Caine and Kinger x S/O who hides who they are out of fear of negative responses. Bottles it all up until they can't handle it anymore. Like, the reader is very much used to being the therapist/caretaker and is often very happy and doesn't hesitate to help others but silently they think rudely of others, holding their tounge constantly and even mutter under their breath about others being annoying. Ofc they don't want others to see who they truly are, in fear of rejection or their worst fear, isolation. They hate this part of themselves, like why do they have these horrible thoughts about others? It even borders on abstraction.

They can only feel comfortable around their partner and try their best not to vent too much but Caine/Kinger can sense something is wrong and even see their S/O glitching a bit and ask what's wrong and say its ok (in their own special ways!) and the reader just finally cracks, and in their glitching voice is sobbing on how much of a terrible person they are and how they deserve to be in this digital hell for being so horrible.

Im so normal about this. And just so it's not so hard to think of a title, I recommend "Caine and Kinger x reader who pretends!" you don't have to use it but it's there!

Unsavory thoughts (Caine and kinger x reader)!

UEAAA THIS GOT BURIED IM SO SO SO SORRY ANON!! I truly did not mean to take this long to get to your request :(

That said I'm so happy to hear that my silly writing has a positive impact on people.. please remember to drink water and get plenty of rest, remember that there are people that care about you

Hands you a glass of juice

I got silly with Caines piece

CAINE:

KINGER:

Between the two it takes him a little while longer to realize that something is wrong with you. I mean hes still trying to learn all these emotions that make people.. human

Absolutely panics when he sees you glitch out. I'm talking his eyes fly out of his jaws as they hang open panic. Rushes to you to see if you're okay... god forbid youre abstracting... maybe he can help ground you, or something?

Listens to you talk, for once the ringmaster is quiet. Rubs your back

You... have mean thoughts about people...?

Is it not okay to dislike people? Is it not reasonable to be irritable in a new environment? Is it not normal to have at least a few terrible thoughts about others? Are you any less worthy of support or love because you're not a ray of sunshine?

Is this not what being human is about?

Of course he wouldnt say it exactly like that, but he would carry the same message, I think. Is what you're experiencing not a natural part of the human experience?

Yes, you can argue that caine is an AI and he has no place to speak on matters like these, but as your partner he wont let you go without comfort and reassurance

He let's you talk and let it all out. I think going forward he makes it a point to make sure you get time alone, and time with him... makes IHAs more "non intrusive" so you can opt out if you dont want to interact with the others

Very accommodating, I think

Unlike caine he catches on really fast that theres something wrong, something even larger than you're letting on. But still, he let's you do your small but rare vents... until he returns to you after briefly taking some time away from you for one reason or another to find you having a melt down. He thinks you're abstracting, and you probably are. Honestly I can see kinger doing the grounding technique (the 5 sense thing) and he tries to guide you through it to help calm you down enough to pull yourself together just enough to stabilize. Listens to your word vomit as you spill your guts out to him. While I domt think he would be as.. profound as caine... he carries a comfort only sweet old people can possess. And it calms you down. It's not an immediate solution, but its comforting nonetheless. He let's you sleep in his arms. He goes on to stand between you and others to try to keep you from getting too irritated or overwhelmed by the others; however he will stand to the side if you ask him to

Very protective of you but even more so after this

[gwaaaaar]

Wipes nose) okay. So a while back i was talking to an irl and went "i actually dont like catherine that much" and they went "really??? You talk so much about it." CAUSS ITS BADDDD. watched bijuu mike play it when i was 11 and my brainwaves changed forever.

Like. Its misogynist its misandrist its transphobic theres a lot going on. The worst part is i unironically like the pink aesthetic with the sheep and hearts and the sensual poses cause its so dynamic and interesting and its like peak male gaze but. LET THE WOMEN HAVE THIS IDCCCC IF YOURE MISOGYNIST GIVE IT TO ME NOW!!!! I've been doing redraws of some of the art w some fav male characters of mine simply cause i love it so much but enough gushing im here to be a hater at (checks watch) 4 am in the morning.

I think Catherine couldve been a super interesting introspective on gender and sexuality, for example rin opening vincents eyes to his bisexuality or erica and tobys relationship, but it fails so miserably it PMO. The whole point of the story was like "live the way you want!" But then if youre trans theyre like go fuck yourself. Thats HORRIBLE. id take a plotline where toby learns to be more sensitive to ericas struggles and accepts her after she comes out and deals with the backlash he gets because he fucking loves her wholeheartedly over. Whatever we got any day. In the end him backing out feels like hes the one giving into societal pressure, completely overturning what Catherine as a game was trying to say in the first place. By having Erica not tell him before they got serious, i feel like the narrative almost tries to like. Frame her in a very, very bad way. But what does this game care abt shit like consent 🙄 considering catherine is still a viable romance option when she's downright abusive. SERIOUSLY I HATE ITTT I HATE HOW MUCH I LOVE HER DESIGN BUT SHES SO FUCKED. i dont mind like. Messy women or problematic women but its just so disrespectful how much her actions get played off as just "womens wrath". And then they have the audacity to victimblame vincent. By not having vincent purposefully do what he does and instead making him well. Be subjected to all of that, it takes his agency and shoots the message down in the first place. It takes accountability from him and takes the intrigue away from the story about characters who have flaws, cause that wasnt a big mistake he did. THAT QAS SOMEONE ELSE MESSING WITH HIM.

I also think the stuff around Katherine was. Kind of handled poorly. Like she gen thought she was pregnant at first but then lies and *then* comes clean so ig its okay in the end. But again these flaws almost seem to make her seem predatory rather than. Well. Flawed. Like they aren't giving the desired affect.

I don't think Catherine deals with character flaws in a nuanced way that contributes to the main point it tries to tell. Why doesn't Erica disclose her status to Toby or why Katherine lies to Vincent. Both were rooted in very real fears of being hurt or abandoned and while the latter does recieve some attention, these issues aren't addressed in a way that feels relatable or meaningful. LIKE SERIOUSLY I THINK ERICA WAS SUCH AN UNDERUTILIZED CHARACTER... FYM SHE WENT MISSING FOR A FEW YEARS AND PEOPLE THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD BUT IT TURNS OUT SHE WAS JUST RECOVERING FROM A BREAKUP... WHAT HAPPENED... i love her so much and she was done so dirty.

I think Catherine relies too heavily on cliches and stereotypes so the story doesn't feel as original as it should be . Like if you're gonna use cliches at least try to break them and not tout them as a universal truth.

Also... ironically, some of the endings where Vincent goes off on his own and lives his live w/o relationships happily, is it just me or are those endings kinda aspec (was specifically thinking aromantic though) coded. Not saying allo people can't not want relationships, but to a lot of people that would be considering a queer way of living right? Not fitting into societys expectations of how one should live their lives.

I think Catherine's bare bones message of "dont follow the sheep, live for yourself" is a theme seen in queer media a lot and something that can resonate w queer audiences, even if its really basic it can still mean a lot when done right. I personally find comfort with that theme because of the pressures of settling down with a cishet man and having children, that isnt what i want, so i could kind of understand vincent. But by only reserving this mercy to well. A cishet man. Cishet people in general, it feels incredibly ingenuine. Live freely! But only in the way we deem acceptable.

I also think some flexibility with vincents character would add nuance to the story. After all, is he bisexual in the katherine and catherine routes? Labels are very flexible and everyone has the right to call themselves however they want, so its hard to say. Maybe he'd never accept himself or maybe hed never have a reason to find out if he liked men. So like same with being aspec. In another route maybe he is aspec. Essentially flexible storytelling that can let the player submerge themselves into the narrative more intimately.

Please let me know what you guys think! This game drives me crazy with how much it couldve been but inevitably falls flat in everything.

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

had a very good day today im putting the specifics under a cut because i got really long winded im processing ghfjgkg

(socials with multiple family members we like. including one of our two favourite cousins, we had not interacted with since 2020 and even then we didnt get an opportunity to talk 1 on 1 like we did tonight. picked up where we left off with zero difficulty and hes gotten even cooler with age tbh. we had worries about political radicalisation (its been an issue with other family members (like our mum. not to name names.)) but no he is in fact so chill.)

but also. my god our poor brain. leaking out my ears (so much peopling & talked about so much stuff (again always happy to see everyone we saw today (we like a lot of our family on dad's side) and also had really really good conversations + its also like. i think the first time ever that cousin and us got to talk as experienced adults (hes 4 years younger than we are so last time we talked he was like early 20s and still a bit. hm. cant find the word in english but very Confrontational and Sure He Knows Everything the way some people can be at that age. the dunning kruger effect of life i think fhdkgkg. now he has Matured out of that phase) and its just. my god so nice to be chatting with someone who just vibes on the same wavelength not necessarily opinion wise but in terms of like. how we like to discuss things and what we're putting in vs getting out of the conversation (in this case intellectual stimulation + learning things) and how we think about things (like the mechanics underlying our thought processes. we just Follow each other's trains of thought easily even if we take different paths or don't Word things the same). but also just the sheer like... we dont have to stress out about how we come across because we are Known and given grace. like we basically grew up together we saw each other like at least every other weekend + some vacay time, and its just nice to see we keep vibing just as well now as we did then (maybe even better. tbh. given how hes massively chilled out). we know each other's context and we've ended up having similar trajectories for a lot of Thoughts And Ideas And Values And Life Decisions, so just like. yea. idk this (still trying and failing to articulate what "this" is exactly) isnt an experience we got to have often with family members (especially family who are Peers rather than Adultier Adults to some extent) so it feels extra special to me for that i think. anyway))

and im winding down rn because no way im gonna sleep until ive stopped having brain zoomies, despite the 4am of it all rn, there's a bunch to process first but wowee the. yea. we really need to not go another five years without talking (we are both really really comically bad at keeping in touch with irl friends through online/phone means. lmao like i dont know why because we have no issue maintaining regular (though. occasionally very delayed. like weeks to months before we get around to replying sometimes.) contact with online friends? but if we know the person from IRL we just suck SO bad at keeping in touch with them if we can't meet up regularly. so this probably means making time to visit more often despite the. hundreds kilometres (was initially gonna abbreviate that as kms but LOL NO) in the way. phew)

anyway. lovely day i hope we can just chill tomorrow though because brain soup (probably also because several of us were involved in that conversation because. well. he's Our Cousin and hes not someone we've ever needed specific guys to handle, so hes met quite a few of us over the years (even though he doesn't know that (yet) and we didn't know at the time). and running/coordinating that many people at once takes a toll LOL im there to facilitate that its literally what i do here but. you know. only so much i can do i cant work miracles on the electrified meat sponge in our head to make it magically better at handling a ton of processings at once.)

anyway back to my bedtime routine and then sleeping probably so so well. nya!

[songmingisthighs]

finished catching up to project jekyll & hyde. all i’ve gotta say is, imagine a bystander witnessing knives and doc fighting, then woo and yeo take over, then they’re suddenly hugging it out. i think i would freak if i saw that irl lmao. also, yn is too smarttt. i love how she caught on red being in control of hj’s body at that time. she knows them too well it seems, and im also happy she’s still on high alert afterwards; so to say, she’s not really doubting herself. i am scared though for whatever doc has planned. i can see he got a few other of the members’ alters to join him, or so i think. i get the strange feeling that red is helping doc by observing the doctor’s notes more than being “fascinated.” anywho, cant wait for more chapters!

warning ? mini rant… ???

i also saw the ask you answered about taking more responsibility. i want you to put yourself first! i know that you will, but i want to reassure you that it is okay for you to do that!

readers, understand that smt is human before anything! always be patient. not just with/for her but for any other writer that you may also keep up with.

with that said, take your time with the updates! i know i and others say we can’t wait, but we def can! and i’d be happy to.

I MISS WRITING FOR PROJECT JEKYLL AND HYDE i have such plans for that but as you know, writing actual long chapters is hard for me to do atm but i'm trying to better myself and make time for it so i can write for pyp too :") tbh i have this whole cheateez plan going on in my head and it's different forms of cheating basically ?? and i tailored it to each members so here's to hoping i can commit to that before i commit myself to a mental institution

and for the part about my personal life

T H A T I S S O S W E E T O F Y O U T O S A Y 🥺🥺

i can't talk about other people but for me, i feel IMMENSE guilt when i can't commit time or fall off schedule in updates just bc i can't handle my life. and the guilt often makes it hard for me to come back bc in the back of my mind it's always like "people forgot about you, it doesn't matter if you return" and i'm so glad you and the others proved me wrong EVERY SINGLE TIME

i saw creators leaving tumblr and they blame it on toxic community and pressure from rude readers and i totally get where they came from so i'm glad that's not the case for me. if you knew me from the beginning, you know i've been through my fair share of community drama so i stay away from that because i don't want the negativity to affect my craft. writing is me putting my inner self for everyone to see and i love sharing it with you guys so truly, i'm glad of the support and attention you guys have given me 🫶🫶

and ngl i don't mind you guys telling me you guys can't wait for the next update bc it gives me motivation to return and like actually come back here to update no matter what. what i don't appreciate is anons just sending me "when's the next update for ××?" like girl do we know each other ?? i hate it when my mom just drop a question like that without preface and without considering my state, what makes you think i'd appreciate it coming from a ghost ???

and btw my mom tried convincing me i don't have asthma YET AGAIN as i was hacking out my lungs in front of her and the look she gave me was like "cut the crap, i know you're making shit up" meanwhile she was there at the doctor's like 2 years ago when i had a bad case of asthma and she tried to gaslight the DOCTOR when he said i'm like seconds away from a full blown asthma attack, she was like "yeah but she doesn't have asthma" "no maam, she doesn't have an asthma ATTACK, Y E T" "yeah but that doesn't mean she has asthma, right?" and the doctor just looked at me, sighed, and continued talking to ME with my mom trying to talk over me about MY condition and MY feeling and MY experience. she thinks i want to live life as if i have an oxygen debt or smth. god forbid i'm ACTUALLY ill from overexertion like did i fake my fever ?? did i stuff tissue into my lungs to prevent me from breathing correctly ?? did i walk around like a zombie just to put up a show and not because my head's killing me ????

sorry for ranting but this shit really creams my corn

[eteru-roses]

"No matter how the wind howls, the mountain can not bend to it."

(^ quote from mulan :p)

hello!!!! welcome to the blog!

this is a disney-twisted wonderland oc roleplay blog! we're all here to have fun but before you interact, please thoroughly read the following section

🌿 BEFORE YOU INTERACT 🎧

before you interact with my blog, there are a few rules and disclaimers on this blog. they are listed here

🌿 first and foremost, any type of homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, fatphobia, etc. is not permitted on my blog.

🎧 please do not bring politics on my blog.

🌿 absolutely no pedophilia or zoophilia

🎧 i ask you not to mention wars on my blog. its triggering to me

🌿 i ask you to please respect boundaries.

🎧 do not cause fights on my blog, with me or with someone else

🌿 there could possibly be mentions of alcohol, self harm, suicide and drugs on my blog. i try my best to put warnings on posts in bold red text but please notify me if you think something show have a trigger/content warning

🎧 there will be foul language in my blog, in which will not have a cw/tw. if it bothers you, i think youre too young to be on this app

🌿 I ask you not to use any slurs. even if you are able to use them, i do not truly know if you can, and they make me rather uncomfortable.

🎧 please dont bring heavy NSFW stuff on my blog. this means i dont want to read smut, lemon, lime etc. suggestive jokes and asks are fine. they're rather funny infact

🌿 If i do anything that crosses a boundary, discomforts you, or makes you upset, please, immediately message me. i want to be a mature person. i want to be a (atleast) decent person. i hate loosing friends.

🎧 you can absolutely dm me. you can rant about your ocs to me, show me art, go ahead!! i love hearing about other people's ocs. you can also vent in my dms, but please ask first.

🌿 when sending an ask, please specify who its for. if not specified, it will be answered by both atamai and rida, or whoever i think fits it best. if you want to ask me, ren/guy behind the screen, specify so.

🎧 im absolutely terrible at reading tone, so i ask that you please use tone tags

🌿 This is a multiship blog 🎧

there are more rules when it comes to this!

🌿 relationships will not under ANY circumstances intersect with eachother.

🎧 this also means that i won't be having poly relationships with my characters. i don't know how to handle them.

🌿 i, the mod won't be getting into any irl relationships

🎧 as stated in the previous section, please, no heavy nsfw. suggestive jokes are fine. be reminded both my characters and i are on the acesexual spectrum

🌿 if you would like to start a ship with one of my characters, please privately message me. I would like to set something up with you.

If any of the rules stated are broken, i will first privately contact you, giving you a warning. the second time i will send you a dm, then block you.

okay now all that stuff is over, we can talk about my characters and i now :3

🌿 atamai ēteru 🌿

🌿 atamai speaks in blue text

🌿 age: 18/eighteen

🌿 birthday: december 12th

🌿 year: junior / third (3rd)

🌿 height: 5'8~5'10 / about 175 cm

🌿 dorm: octavinelle

🌿 class: 3-A

🌿 gender/pronouns: amab, he/they

🌿 sexuality: omniromantic demiromantic (masc preference) demisexual

🌿 Iikes: old/classic literature, his plants, gardening, his cat

🌿 dislikes: loud places/noises, crowds, bright lights, unconsentual physical contuct

🌿 least favorite food: any seafood/fish

🌿 favorite food: spring/hanami/tri-color dango

atamai ēteru is a quieter young man. he tends to have a more formal/proper way of speaking, and is rather short with his responses if he doesn't know who he is speaking to. once he gets closer to someone, he speaks more casually and freely around them. he has a more business casual way of dressing, typically wearing collared button-up shirts and vests, along with dress pants. he has a small white cat in his dorm named jasmine. he enjoys plants, especially interesting ones. his favorite flowers are snapdragons. he has autism, ptsd, and adhd. he tends to speak in a more formal way, i promise he doesn't hate anyone.

his backstory can be found here

you can find picrews here

pintrest board of his clothing taste here

🌿 atamai's relationships

friends/platonic

🌸 @/nrcbookclub 🌿 trystia sullivan 🌿 considers her a sister in all but blood 🌸

🌸 @/official-nrc-prophet 🌿 atlas cassandrasan 🌿 conaiders him a friend 🌸

🌸 @/official-vil-schoenheit 🌿 vil schoenheit 🌿 considers him a friend 🌸

🌸 @/floyd-leech-thing 🌿 floyd leech 🌿 considers him a friend/co-workers 🌸

🌸 @/jadeleech-official 🌿 jade leech 🌿 co workers 🌸

🌸 @/seven-seas-octavinelle 🌿 azul ashengrotto 🌿 friends? he's mai's boss 🌸

partners/romantic

🌸 none yet! 🌸

🎧 rida ēteru 🎧

🎧 age: 17

🎧 birthday: may 20th

🎧 year: sophomore/2nd(second)

🎧 dorm: heartslabul

🎧 height: 6'1 / about 185 cm

🎧 gender/prns: trans male/afab he/xe

🎧 sexuality: panromantic asexual

🎧 likes: talking, horror games, listening to music

🎧 dislikes: unconsentual touch, getting yelled at, dogs (they scare him)

🎧 fun facts: he has a ginger cat named pepper, along with liking horror games, he likes games similar to splatoon

rida is a very extroverted, talkative young man. he has a bright and happy personality. he enjoys horror games, and can play most of them without flinching. he is rather smart for someone as talkative as himself. he is the younger brother of atamai. he has adhd, ptsd, and bipolar.

backstory has not yet been written.

you can find his picrews here

pintrest board of his fashion taste here

i also made him a spotify playlist here

🎧 rida's relationships

friends/platonic

🎧

partners/romantic

🎧 @/nrcbookclub 🎮 harvey moore 🎮 his boyfriend <3 🎮 #rida's butterfly 🎧

✩ about mod/ren - dude behind the screen ✩

hi!!! im ren (nickname) , so hi! i speak in purple text. i have medically diagnosed adhd and autism, please be patient with me. i dont have the brightest past, please dont yell(or all caps in this case) at me when upset. it is very VERY triggering. i use he/they and im a transmasc demiromantic omniromantic asexual

i love making friends, dms always open!!

say hi boys!!

hello.

hi!!!!!

credit for the dividers go to @/cafekitsune

also if anyone's wondering about the quote its because both of them are based off mulan :p

[tacagen]

Healthy Eobarry AU

(yes its just called that. no there is no actual romance, the word eobarry is here only so i dont have to write 'barry and eobard' all the time im talking about them. some things are very close to that tho but thats just the way it always is with thawne.)

the core idea: eobard is still a flash fan from the 25th century with a huge crush but he never wanted to be a hero like barry. he always wanted to go back in time and become flash's archnemesis instead, so there is no rejection abandonment and disappointment drama at all. not a single trace of canon hatred, thawne just wants to have some good time with his favorite hero in a weird way. barry, on the other hand, has no idea what the fuck is even going on. the vibe is most reminiscent of silver age eobarry. their dynamic:

ALSO their dynamic: this jla short

the lore:

they first meet in 21st century. eobard just finds barry, comes up to him like 'omg hi flash!! im your fan from the future and i just synthesized myself the speedforce connection to go back in time and meet you irl :)', waits exactly until barry believes and starts marveling at that fact, goes 'BUT THERE'S ALSO THIS LITTLE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW :)))) youre probably wondering why these colors. well, i call myself the reverse-flash and actually im here to cause problems for you on purpose. NOW CATCH ME IF YOU CAN :D', runs off to break the brakes of a bus carrying children or something like that while barry stands for a few seconds like 'huh. reverse? where are you going?'

right after barry, utterly confused and shocked, averts the situation thawne caused, he goes 'WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL WAS THAT?? DIDNT YOU JUST SAY YOU WERE MY FAN??' which thawne answers with 'wow. you really thought i was one of these boring "my favourite person of all time inspired me to become a hero like them" rip-offs with no imagination, didnt you? tsk tsk, i am so disappointed'

secrecy of their identities to each other isnt a thing since the very first fight. 'by the way, my name is eobard thawne! and i know you're barry allen, i actually know most of the 21st century heroes' identities but i promise you can trust me with that!'. indeed, he doesnt reveal this to anyone or threaten to do so but trust isnt exactly the right word either as thawne fucking loves visiting barry while they're both in their civil clothes at times + itwasmebarry still becomes a thing (elaborated on further below).

thawne is faster than barry here from the very beginning on pure theory and little to no speedster experience but only because barry just desperatly tries to process all the information he recieves from thawne every time they fight along with handling whatever endangering civilians shit eo does and he isnt doing well. at all. like, it does require a lot of hard effort not to lose your mind while constantly being hit with stuff like 'OOOHH DID I MENTION THAT I WORK AS THE CURATOR OF THE FLASH MUSEUM IN THE 25TH CENTURY?!? BTW WE STUDY YOUR HISTORY IN SCHOOL IN COMICS FORM, ISNT THAT AMAZING?!!'

thawne never shuts up. thawne genuinely enjoys the whole thing and admires barry an impossible amount and he's always fascinated by every aspect of the speed force, especially seeing and using it in action. thawne never acts like a normal villain as in 'commit crime->run away/fight the hero/watch the chaos'. he does something that endangeres people's lives (ALWAYS in front of barry because that is the whole point) then runs alongside barry as he saves everyone, never initiating the fight and ENDLESSLY commenting on everything barry does with consideration of flash facts, speed force and other physics stuff and even barry's personal background. it always goes like 'must do this and this to get everyone to safety!-' and thawne, instantly from somwhere behind barry's left shoulder: 'YES you DO, because this this and this and of course you could try that but-' and it goes on for 5 minutes on superspeed at the very least. from a non-speedster perspective, it looks like two blurs with lightnings, red and yellow, are saving people and going with some kind of weird squeaking high-pitched sound, which is never there if there is only flash around.

by the way, the rule that it is Very important for thawne to touch barry at any given chance and prolong it by going faster than him is still present. the same goes for becoming a speedster partially to have an opportunity to get away from 25th century and its mildly or not so dystopian shit and boringness. doesnt really realize the first part tho, sometimes casually drops some crazy ass facts about his future as something totally normal (like that one good-bad detection chair from silver age that gets a cameo in rs) and gets confused when the reaction is something like '.....i am so sorry.'

THE SAME ALSO GOES FOR 'IT WAS ME BARRY', its just way more lighthearted and has the purpose only of annoying and messing with barry through slight inconveniences in his life and it is a whole another part of their enemyship outside of the usual tag games. examples: 1. barry in his lab, extremely tired and almost exhausted, stumbles on air, says 'dammit eobard, this again??'. thawne unphases nearby with an offended look, goes 'HEY. THAT WASNT ME.', demonstratively pushes barry's mug with coffee off the table like a cat, 'now this was me, barry', grins and runs off before barry can do anything; 2. imagine thawne's excitement when he plays chess in iron heights, looks away, notices yellow lightnings with the corner of his eye and turns to the board again only to find that his queen is gone. the very next encounter starts with thawne running around barry in circles like 'it was you. it was you. IT WAS YOU! ITWASYOUWASNTIT!!'

this thawne is incapable of murdering anyone close to barry or ever hurt him at all. the best he can do is threaten anyone's life in barry's sight (and he knows barry will save everyone. more, he never arranges the events with the chance of barry not being fast enough to save every single life threatened so it isnt a big deal) because in other case he just wont come out to play with him :( ((i dont think thawne's generally capable of murder here? he feels too silly for that to me))

following important things: 1. barry obviously never killed thawne because he never did anything that extreme. 2. nora allen is alive and well and probably met thawne personally. he visits her in his civil clothes and acts in the nicest way possible, barry hears about the mysterious friend from work he never mentioned later and chokes on tea as nora recalls 'what did he say his name was? edward taurine?' 3. BARRY'S DOG IS STILL DEAD THO but it actually was an accident. he still blames himself for not shutting the back door that day in the way he blames himself for the not emotional enough postcard for his grandma in dc superhero girls. (see also: this vid but its about the dog instead of nora) ((ALSO thawne is most likely actively empathetic about it because he cant stand seeing barry sad or hurt. unfortunately he is also actively neurodivergent so that turns out to be awkward))

they team up often but barry is never aware of that as it happens out of his control. thawne has every single event that threatened barry marked in his calendar and an alarm set for it and he just shows up there like 'fuck you, this is MY archnemesis/idol/inspiration and nobody is going to fucking hurt him'

barry is generally always in the state of confusion when it comes to thawne. he doesnt understand what's going on like 80% of the time. as thawne never gets any clearer to him, barry just accepts that this, at some point, is now a part of his life.

instead of love letters, thawne writes and sends barry personally discovered speed force equations like 'look!! this is how it all works there!!' and occasionally mentions other science things discovered after 21st century. barry reads all that, understands and sometimes uses those against thawne who is completely delighted by that.

one day thawne manages to lock barry up in anti-meta cell and spends the following 3 hours on MATHEMATICALLY PROVING THE EXISTENCE OF THE SPEEDFORCE TO HIM STEP BY STEP, reciting his dissertation verbatim which was written in the context of no one knowing and caring about the concept.

thawne participates in the legion of doom and other supercriminal associations out of 'is flash gonna be there?? whatever youre planning im in, just leave him to me and me alone'. probably doesnt even listen to the scheme details and learns about it directly from barry in the final fight when he asks him 'eobard?? what?? the?? fuck?? why are you participating in something that's ultimate goal is DESTROYING THE FUTURE??'. (or others just stopped telling him the details, OR he doesnt listen on purpose after that one time he edited the whole plan like 'oh cmon do you actually think you could succeed with THIS?? let me show you how its actually done' only for them to lose epically. whats worse is that thawne saw it as something obvious. 'wait you really thought it would work?? cmon the whole point of being a supervillain is that the good guys always stop you no matter what you come up with.' they naturally never let him speak on the plans again which he responded with 'WHATEVER. YOU DO YOU IG. NOT GONNA INTERFERE AGAIN :/') unironically protects barry in group fights if any other villain is trying to aid him against the flash and attacks his own allies for that (barry once uses that to his advantage to take out the whole legion one by one lmfao. thawne genuinely doesnt notice that he is the only one standing until barry mentions it. he takes a moment to look around and that's when barry takes him out, too). as you can figure, he doesnt get invited into villain associations often, and if he does its usually the last resort bc he is a Genius Even By Future's Standards and therefore one of the most competent scientists out there.

nobody wants to sit at the same table with thawne in iron heights or interact at all because he instantly starts infodumping about the flash and their relationship. you accidentally get closer than like 2m to him and after a few seconds he just goes 'me and flash are best enemies, you know? we even always wear matching suits, oh and did you know-'

thawne gets mad if you compare his suit with kid flash because his suit has a Deep Idea and acktually he got to 21st century before wally was also struck by lightning and therefore was here first (yep, he did that on purpose and it gets revealed the very same moment he mentions it)

speaking of kid flash. thawne argues with him at any given chance because fighting a literal child on who is the biggest flash fan is something he would do on a daily basis. it just feels right (and it shouldve happened in canon at this point at least once. fucking Come On dc. almost 60 years of thawne's existence and for what!!). his points are that: he is the flash's Equal (even in height. thawne is very fucking proud of that fact) and not a pathetic sidekick; he got powers after years of hard scientific work and not by coming to barry's lab at the right moment; he is an Expert, a Professor, a Curator of the flash museum and knows everything about flashes, including the things they dont know themselves yet (he accidentally reveals that wally is also gonna be the flash but is quick to claim that he was the slowest and dumbest of them all and actually fuck you ima erase that from the timeline later), 'therefore l + ratio + IM his biggest fan and there is nothing you can do about it' 'lmaoooo who the heck taught you these words?? dude you sound so cringe. like do you even know what ratio means??' '*thinking it's just a figure of speech from 21st century literature classics or something like that for his whole life* well i- h- wh- DONT CHANGE THE SUBJECT.' wally doesnt care at all and just trolls him, harshly at times. he doesnt take thawne even a little bit seriously, which eo tragically doesnt realize.

thawne's comedically jealous of barry to iris between the lines and is completely unaware of that. the same thing going on with the rogues about emenyship with barry but that one is direct and on purpose. probably fucking jumps in their fights with flash like 'hi i just took out cap cold for you no need to thank me <3 now, can WE dance?? :|' every now and then. probably it gets super awkward when they inevitably end up in iron heights together that same day. honestly i think every supervillain who met thawne wants to kill him at this point. he's extremely annoying, both on purpose and not

thawne finds and starts nitpicking the first curators and architects of the flash museum in 21st century from the very project stage like 'NO it should stand THE OTHER WAY everyone shut up im from the future i Know Better'. it continues right until barry comes to pick him up and apologise for the inconvenience. 'eobard, i know this place means... a lot to you but please let history run its course. i mean, arent you risking your whole existence by trying to make these changes?' 'BUT THEY'RE DOING IT WRONG >:('

CANONICALLY ALMOST DROWNS 3M AWAY FROM A BRIDGE WHILE TRYING TO RUN ON WATER WITHOUT KNOWING HOW TO DO THAT YET OR AT LEAST HOW TO SWIM. every time barry mentions that incident thawne blushes like hell out of shame. imagine being saved from the lake by your crush/nemesis/everything who is actually Worried that you almost drowned out of your own stupidity which kind of covers the cringefail at first so youre enjoying the Moment but then you hear 'why did you even decide to run across the lake, there was a bridge nearby?'. thawne BEGS barry not to tell anyone (and especially wally). that probably was the first time thawne actually stayed in iron heights for longer than half an hour without getting out the very second everyone looks away on barry's condition of secrecy. now, the funniest part? if thawne hadnt shown that it was cringe even to him, barry wouldnt even say a single thing any further. to him it was a usual impossible to grasp shit thawne does every single encounter.

thawne considers heroes and their morals objectively dumb but his thoughts on barry having the same mindset are 'god he is SO adorably naive. so pure. so innocent. havent done anything wrong in his life. sweetest cinnamon roll of all times'. occasionally tells him that out loud because he has no fucking shame except when it comes to the lake incident

his own set of morals is just 'be gay do crime' where be gay stands for teaming up with barry on practically everything that isnt their one on one fights.

following: other villains are dumb to him as well. sometimes complains to barry about how nobody Understands him and his superior taste in being a supervillain, especially in the legion. poor barry just tries to get some rest between work and superheroing and then thawne casually comes running out of fucking nowhere, lies down on his lap and starts venting about how barry is the only one that Gets him on superspeed.

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

helloo I'm back!!!!!! im so sorry I've been gone, it's ramadan right now and i can't be reading smut or anything like that, plus my exams are coming up and it's my final year in school so i can't mess this up. I've had ALOT of thoughts lately that no sane person in my circle can handle but i know you will. what do you think about a mamma mia typa situation in Greece with bucky (my feelings for him have resurfaced recently), tangerine and pietro? three very different people and one of them is the father (and one of them is gay bahahahaha). like reader meets pietro, then tangerine, then bucky (i know you'd be rooting for tangerine) then she has a kid and they all left her so she doesn't know who's the dad but then years later they all come back into her life and BAM her daughter should know and everything is all over the place. bonus points if reader sings at least 5 abba songs. obv you don't take requests and this isn't one but share your thoughts with me on this since im a bit of a scatter head and my new personality is donna sheridan so... yeah. love you and hope you're much better now 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

- 🦢

angelface!! omg hii hi!! firstly, ramadan mubarak to you, hope you’re doing good!! good luck for all your exams too, I believe in you!! be sure to take care of yourself😽

so…!! I read this as soon as I received it but couldn’t reply straight away and this has been ruminating on my mind!! IDEAS HAVE BEEN MARINATING BC I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS!!! and you calling me insane?? 😧😧 (kidding, but exactly that, same with me. no one would understand my brain rot except you guys. so we all in the same boat my pal)

I go through my bucky phases very often, and rn im in a deep one😭😭😭 usually I would go with tan no question, but now im not so sure (reckon tan would be the gay one???😭 but for the sake of this gonna say he’s not)

pietro: maybe you meet him when you’re travelling, maybe backpacking through europe with a group of strangers (guess who is in your group…😏) perhaps get close with pietro and have a summer fling. maybe exchange info towards the end of the trip, but both know it’s not going to work or go any further than a fling. might lose contact—but a message here and there

tangerine: next stop on your travels is england. not backpacking anymore, so it’s a standard holiday/ vacation (idk the logistics, so you have your stuff mailed over?? or go home for a few days and continue your travels??) but you decide to go sightseeing and find yourself in a pub. maybe it’s really busy so the table you had to yourself becomes one you share with 2 guys (can you guess who?) one of them goes off to play pool so the other gets left behind with you (can you guess who? see where this is going?) you two talk casually for a bit, you mention where you’re staying and what you’re doing in town (DO NOT DO THAT IRL !!) maybe you go back to your hotel room and he leaves early the next morning. would leave his name and his number on a piece of paper?? but you never see it bc it gets knocked off and falls under the bed and cleaned up by housekeeping the next day

bucky: would be several days after meeting tan and you’d be in the hotel lobby trying to work over some issues with card payments?? maybe there’s been an issue in their system so you’ve been hanging around the lobby/ reception a lot while they try to sort it. someone would come up beside you (have a guess who) and he’d ask you if everything was okay bc he’s seen you down here constantly for last couple days. he’d ask if there was anything he could do, then segues into asking you out tonight for dinner. he’s here for work so his schedule isn’t flexible and tonight is the only time available. you agree and would have a really lovely date, seal the deal later that night. and when you go up to his hotel room the next day, he won’t be in there. he didn’t know your room number, so he left his contact info at reception for them to give to you, but they never give it/ staff changes over so

kinda broke my heart with the tan and bucky one 😭😭😭

no idea if these make any sense. I write these as I think of the words, so essentially im just rambling in my brain and I type it out simultaneously. talking shit in other words😭 omg why does this make me want to do a 3 part series of their individual stories!!? (I know I won’t be able to do that, but man I wish I could)

love you and I am doing better now, thank you bby. sending love 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

[finnbbl]

Hey fin <33

I read ur last post, and first, it’s ofc written soooo great and comforting as always,

but since u said it’s from ur experience and stuff i just want u to know, that all these things u wrote also are true for u.

U are such a beautiful human, with a even more beautiful soul and if I would know u irl I would do everything to comfort u and let u know how worthy u are

I know how hard everything ca be sometimes, especially when other people hurt you even more than you already are, but please, if u every feel like that then talk, cry, or vent to someone. But pls don’t bottle it up, and pls don’t do anything to urself.

Take care of urself, and maybe look in the mirror a bit longer today and remind urself how worthy u are. Ur not a bad person. And if anyone makes u think otherwise? Well they r wrong

I just wanted u to know that, and nowww virtual hug💕🫂✨

you have absolutely no idea how lifting your words are 🥺 it has been an absolutely shitty week and a half. however, i am doing my best to get through it. i have things to look forward too within the next month, and im trying to stay strong. i do my best not to bottle up my emotions however there are very few friends (ones that i will eternally be grateful for) who will let me vent my feelings out peacefully and tell me if im in the wrong (politely ofc).

even though they reassure me, i often feel like i rant too much or talk about my problems too often simply bc i somehow find myself going through a lot of shit. i’m a lot to handle, it is something i am painfully well aware of. i seem to attract bad people so i question whether it is me that’s the issue or not. i’ve had plenty of reassurance and i analyze my behavior vs theirs. coming to the realization i just have had horrible luck with having shitty friends. sometimes i still find myself in self doubt, questioning if im actually the problem; but im trying to get better at it. i just worry about how people view me, whether they see me as a bad person or not. no one is perfect but i do try my absolute best to be a good person that someone can count on, however things like my bad memory and lack of awareness also bring issues in my friendships. and then im sensitive so if someone says smth in the wrong tone i will absolutely break down 🥹 im so picky on how issues are presented to me. i’d rather it be a civil and polite sit down conversation rather than “you did this and this and this to me and you made me feel like this” half the time it was something i’m sure i didn’t do, and regardless of my horrible memory something i KNOW i wouldn’t do to someone bc I KNOW how it feels. gah i just can’t stand being accused of doing horrible things. other half of the time it was a misunderstanding/miscommunication but then i am not heard out and my attempt to clear things up is ignored and shut out. my biggest pet peeve is people who refuse to let you try and talk it out because they want to play victim. that was just a little bit of my week.

point is, when i feel like im getting too much for my friends, i turn to my blog where i can vent out my feelings on a comfort post or simply a rant like this one. i’m aware that bottling up emotions is one of the worst ways to try and cope. thank you for your such kind words, they really do mean a lot to me. i’m so glad you enjoy and feel comforted by my posts. i started this blog to bring a source of comfort not only to me but to anyone else who may be struggling with similar things i am. remember if you’re ever feeling down you can anonymously rant in my inbox. i can reply to it with some positive words, or i can leave it in my inbox/delete it if you just need somewhere to put your feelings out there. that goes for everyone.

life is hard, especially with everything going on in the world right now. we all need someone to turn to and a source of comfort. 🫶

[eternalwritess]

hello, dearie! i saw your matchups, and i think what you’re doing is just the cutest thing! so i’m hopping in with a request of mine, if that’s alright!

general stuff/preferences: i’m an 18 year old cisgender woman and am bisexual, not too sure of my gender preference yet if i’m being real. not too picky about who i’m paired with although i would not like to be shipped with the following: valentino, niffty, alastor, mimzy, angel dust, sera, saint peter

personality: honestly i can get pretty cold and sharp around folks i don’t know well, i don’t trust until you’ve proven that you’re worth trusting, but once you get past that first initial stage… i’m honestly just a big ball of sun (according to my close ones)! i’m fairly mouthy and have a bit of an attitude, both jokingly and seriously. my humor is very sarcastic and quite a bit cynical, which matches who i am, i guess. if i love you, then i love you whole heartedly, i’m very protective yet loyal to those i love, and despite my small stature i won’t hesitate to throw literal hands if you fuck with my friends, partner, family, etc. despite my highkey bitch persona, when i’m with someone who i value (like a partner), i really let go more. i’m just more light hearted and goofy with my partner, and it’s just easier for me to be comfortable with them over anybody else, i’m a fair bit shy when it comes to handling compliments, both in a romantic and platonic setting, but i won’t deny them. if you’re into this kinda stuff or if it helps, i’m a pisces and my mbti type is infj (i think).

love languages: in terms of giving love, i’m an acts of service and physical affection sorta gal. i’m not great with my words, especially when it comes to love, although i do try. i honestly just love doing things for my partner to take the weight of their shoulders, like for an irl example, i’ll sneak into my boyfriend’s apartment to clean it up a bit for him while he’s at work — or if i stay the night at his i’ll wake him up with breakfast, simple things. i’m also big on physical affection, i hate pda though, but behind closed doors im all yours, kisses or cuddles or whatever ya want, your wish is my command.

appearance: i’d say i’m fairly basic appearance wise, honestly i’m short, at about 5”1. i have tan skin and dark brown (borderline auburn) curly hair with (dark) blue eyes. i have dimples, which i always hated throughout my years because i thought they made me look childish. i’d say i’m in the middle weight wise, i’m not skinny, but i’m not plus-size (no hate to my plus size peeps, ily mwauh mwauh), but i’ve got a bit of bone to me, and i feel no shame in admitting that i am infact chubby. i’ve also got a few moles and freckles on my face and neck.

ideal date: an ideal date for me consists of sitting on our asses at home while a movie is on that we’re not paying any mind to while we just talk about everything that comes to us. or like a lazy day during a hot summer or something. can you tell i have depression? /hj /lh

kins: (if you couldn’t quite a grasp on my personality, i recommend reading these to get a better idea, i also only included hazbin/helluva kins because my matchup is hazbin)

blitzø (helluva boss), vaggie (hazbin hotel), octavia (helluva boss), angel dust (hazbin hotel), fizzarolli (helluva boss), charlie morningstar (hazbin hotel), ozzie (helluva boss), husk (hazbin hotel), moxxie (helluva boss), adam (hazbin hotel)

style: lowkey i dress like a hobo ngl. an every day fit for me consists of sweatpants or leggings, a baggy sweatshirt or hoodie, with either birkenstocks, ugg slippers, or nike sneakers. sometimes i can’t tell if i dress like a basic white girl or hobo, or both who knows damnit.

so yeah, that’s my matchup! i hope this was enough, or hopefully isn’t too long! tysm if you do this! take care and drink some water, and remember to take breaks 🤍

- 🤖

i match you with... 𝓐𝓭𝓪𝓶 ██ 20% _ ████ 60% _ █████ 80% _ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ 100% ᴄᴏᴍᴘʟᴇᴛᴇ!

➸ I'm not one hundred percent sure and how you two would meet. but if I had to guess I'd say that Saint Peter was out on break and you came up to heaven during that time and he was told to man the gates (despite his protests). He wouldn't be the kindest letting you in, most likely rudely asking for you name and rolling his eyes whenever you gave him a response.

➸ Until you had enough of it, you would snap at him telling him to just do his job and then he'd be more interested in you, messing with you and playing with you teasingly just to get a reaction. I'd imagine that you'd soon grow tired of it and just started to not speak to him and once you were let into heaven you were relieved hoping that you would never see him again.

➸ However fate had different plans for you, he bothered you constantly he wasn't even trying to constantly see you or meet up with you, but whenever he saw you he instantly found some way to annoy the shit out of you. Talking louder than usual, sometimes leaning on you and acting like it was an accident. He thought that you were interesting, more so than any of the other people in heaven and he was going to make sure that he got to know you.

➸ Sooner or later you'd ask him what his deal was with you and all he'd do was smile and simply state that you were interesting and didn't seem like the other 'goody two shoes' that managed to spring up around there. Not to mention he liked the sarcasm you would use to deal with him, he found it endearing and hilarious.

➸ Whether you liked it or not he began hanging out around you more and slowly you became friends and the more you became friends the more he would sling an arm around your shoulder or grab you and pull you places. Soon enough he was constantly touching you in one way or another, brushing hands, or grabbing your wrist to take you somewhere else.

➸ Soon enough he began figuring out that he liked you and began making it his mission to make sure that you liked him back. He'd ask you all sorts of questions and try to figure you out, pick you apart just so that he'd be sure you were in love with him back. Although he just gave up on those tests and straight up asked you out.

➸ At first you weren't sure when it came to going out with him but he didn't stop trying. He kept going and soon enough you agreed. It wasn't that romantic of a date because Adam doesn't really know romance and you both just watched movies the entire time with him cuddling up to you

➸ In the end he fell asleep on you and you stayed the night at his house. In the morning you both watched a few more flicks and soon enough you had to leave. Which he was not fond of. He kept trying to find excuses for you to stay but you told him that you had to go and he reluctantly agreed.

╚═══════ஓ๑♡๑ஓ═══════╝

Whenever you cleaned his room or stuff up he would get really thankful for that because he can be kind of a mess at times and you had to get at him a few times for his messy room before he decided to actually do something about it

You're not great with words? Great, cause neither is he. Whenever he tries to compliment the way that you look or act, it comes off almost as either an insult, as if he was sarcastic, or just a train of stuttering. So instead he likes getting you stuff instead. He'll leave gifts on your desk or in your room but don't mention it cause he gets sensitive about being all sappy

Surprisingly I don't think Adam is into pda too much, he'd say that its bad for his 'brand' when in reality he also thinks that pda would put too much attention on you and he wouldn't be too fond of that as he might get a little possessive at times

He doesn't mind the way you dress, honestly he thinks that baggy stuff look way better on you anyways and will lend you some of his clothes from time to time. Not to mention that he dresses the exact same way and doesn't seem to care too much for 'fancier' tastes

I feel like you two would mess around quite a bit, he would have the more extreme ideas and you would dial it back a bit telling him when and when not to do something. You would also probably help him prank a few people sometimes as long as it wasn't too harmful to them

[rin-and-jade]

it's pop, once again.

urggggg, one of us blabbed a bit to one of our friends. I had all that under wraps, and they BLABBED GAH!

I do that stuff to protect us, because like I don't want anyone finding out about just anything. the friend was like "go get therapy, that's not good." and like the other one kept blabbing, I had said previously that I was getting some sorta help (it was true, the ai psychologist is actually a good bandaid solution for me. though literally every other moment I'm working towards my goal.) AND THEY BLABBED we weren't and just AAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

I tried to explain it away, butttttttt I just got defensive and I think I just made things worse. I know I shouldn't have been mean to the other one (idk she's kinda like L? but Not?? she's doesn't know about us, I doubt she'll remember I talked to her.) and I feel bad, but it's just not it.

I don't know if these people are safe to share that info with, I know they'll be like "we will listen" but like I don't think they are even prepared for half the things I'm gonna say. mostly the whole "oh, yeahhhh. I'm not (insert name) I'm pop. please no I'm not saying my username, that's my actual name. I'm not joking, please just understand." and they'll be confused. I doubt I can just casually drop I might have a trauma disorder, after like knowing one of my friends for like 2 years and the other a good 4 months.

but the other one has already dropped enough info for them to suspect literally anything now, and I'm just scared if they try to reach out to my parents or my siblings or something. because I cannot handle that, I just can't.

idkkkkkkkkkk, I might just come clean and see what happens?? they'll be confused and I can't grantee to myself or just the rest of us that it's going to be okay, but the bandaid is half ripped off so maybe it's time for me to pull it all the way??

idkkkkkkkkkkkk, why must these things HAPPEN. I try so hard to keep us all safe and under the radar, but I just guess that's not something that will happen. GAH, I don't blame the other one. it's not her fault she's just confused and scared, and I'm not being helpful really. it's just so far it's been okay, but I just can't if they take it badly.

idk.

tldr what do I do, I'm pretty sure one of my friends is tipped off to the fact we are a system??? aaaaaa.

yours pop

Ok to summarize the things that happened is one of your parts blabbered enough things to make your friends suspicious and you're not quite sure if it is safe to tell or not. Correct? If so, we gotta break to two options here.. 'come out' or 'cover it up' ;

How to decide:

I don't suggest telling about your plurality without thinking as to avoid telling to the wrong one which could be potentially worse,, and because sudden topics will confuses people even more. So, if you think the friend has affinity for you and is not the type to play down or challenge or negatively questions/make remarks, but listen and try to understand,, you can come clean. If it isn't good with understanding struggles, no attempt in supporting, or just in general not a safe type when it comes to more sensitive things (i bet you tried a topic on that at least but i may be wrong) then.. just cover it up.

Coming out:

First rule.. Take. It. Slow. You. might want to plan what things you want to say, how, and when. i suggest you doing by this format i made and used for my irl friends,,

Prepping a script (mentally or physically) on what you want to say so when anxiety or fear comes up, your mind will not shut down as because some guidance have been provided for that case. This prevents the part where people are likely to drop it fast.

Gathering a few links (and you have to read thoroughly first) and keep that as a little homework for them to read. If links are overwhelming for them then revise in a paragraph or two in your own words.

Pick a time where both of you are currently calm and not busy/occupied. Make sure to hint the person about wanting to talk bout something important so they know and take it more serious than usual.

Tell everything, slowly, with clarity and avoid being vague. Tell how the certain thing got blurted out and what it actually meant, tell why you were scared of hiding it and what ugly expectations you had, tell how the disorder forms and works and give the links, tell properly how they can help/support you,, tell anything you want. And wait for results.

Covering up:

Search the likeliest accepted disorder that has similar things that was blurted out, or probably tell it was said when you're sleepy or anything else that has to do with tampering focus but i doubt that one works when enough info has been outted so hmm.

Thats all i have sadly, and, imo,, i never saw any of my friends tell how suspicious we were to our parents for like, most of the semester in school (just graduated) because i doubt they want to be involved or have enough commitment to actually tell. Unless its relatives like aunts, it could. Sorry for not responding as fast as i can, I hope this is not too late and its still redeemable.

- j

[sucrefemme]

I’m not so good at feelings. I’m not good at having them correctly, I’m terrible when other people have them, and when we both have them? Forget about it.

I can’t handle it when people respond to my emotions in kind instead of helping me. It leaves me frustrated. Half the time I feel like I’m asking someone to help me up and instead they sit down next to me. So then I have to pick my own damn self up and help them up, too. It’s not helpful it’s not fun it’s not a connection and it leaves me kind of mad, most of the time.

I had a friend who worked to reframe and shift my negative shit to the positive, or change the subject when she could, but she’s not around anymore. I had a friend who didn’t just sit down next to me, she seemed like she was taking notes and picking apart my feelings, which felt good, but I fucked that friendship up. I had another friend who responded to my feelings with almost-nothing and that felt good, too, but I put too much on her and fucked that one up, too.

Im able to mostly express stuff like this to my girlfriend but like. She’s in a far more negative emotional space than I am, typically, and I hate to bring her down further with my bullshit. I know I should talk to her anyway, but I don’t like to make it worse. Spending all my time with my dour lover does make it hard to stay peppy (which usually helps, I avoid the frustrations of asking for help by keeping myself positive independently).

I try to help my lover by listening and helping her where she needs it and I think I’ve been doing well. It’s hard to say. She’s kind of just a melancholy sort of woman, so it’s hard for me to tell what’s helpful and what’s not.

With my friends. I don’t know. I love my friends and I try to be there for the people I’m close to and help where I can. The issue is just that there’s so few people in my life I actually like. I have my walls, fully on purpose, and I like them. It just means that there’s hardly anyone I’ve let in. I have friends who are really cool and firmly outside the emotional wall and that’s awesome 👍🏻 like hell yeah man. Let’s grab coffee and talk about books. But that doesn’t help when I’m struggling or when they are. Because when people outside the wall express feelings to me I struggle hard to respond correctly, or sometimes to even care. And it puts a massive strain on the relationship. And when I am struggling, I do not tell those people. Because I guess I assume it would pit a strain on the relationship from the other side, too.

Anyway. Only me and Ian and Noelle and Kannon are allowed to have any feelings. And only irl because I don’t like texts. Mmm. Sara too but those feelings have to be buried under jovial hostility so I don’t get scared and scamper off. OH. Olivia too I like her I forgot about her. But that’s it I think.

[weepingpussywillowtree]

Adult life is hard. Especially as an autistic person. Apartment hunting and moving prep is so overwhelming. I hate change, and after living in this apartment for four years, even if it's shitty, it's familiar. The nearby locations, restaurants, roads, and routines are familiar too. Feeling like you have to sell yourself to potential landlords sucks also...

I no longer have the energy to engage in things I enjoy anymore. I barely knit, write, play video games, or do yoga anymore. I'm excelling at my new job, and juggling stuff for the move and everything but one little extra thing or the idea of it throws me completely over the edge... And I'm in an extremely privileged position. I make good money, work from home, and my lease isn't actually up till mid-august so I have time to look for places... I'm just overwhelmingly stressed all the time at the idea of this big change and the slightly more expensive rent (even if I can easily afford it). I'm terrified that my life circumstances will lead me in the future towards having to work in an office and I don't know if I could handle that at all. I think it would make my already grim situation with regards to leisure time even worse. In college Im realizing I relied on my slower days/periods of the semester. Even though I was in school full time and working part time, I would have like, a Wednesday where I just attended an 11am class and nothing else.

People in my life also keep encouraging me to start doing more things on my own now. Like, go and be social or travel alone and it makes me so ashamed that I don't actually want to do that, (not the least because I'm kind of stockpiling money anticipating that at some point in my adult life I will go into full autistic burnout) and even if I did I wouldn't be successful at it. I've been stress eating lately too or only eating unhealthy safe foods like boxed Mac and cheese and have gained some weight, which I don't really have a problem with except I've grown too big for some of my safe clothes, and I can't replace them with the same ones but a size up because they don't make the same ones anymore. This is all very whiny I realize but people IRL see me as this super successful, bouncy but a little high strung, high-powered career woman but the reality is that I am only successful because of my incredibly lucky circumstances and the fact that I happen to be decent at writing code and wrangling shitty old code.

Functionally, I am a shut in who struggles with independence and dislikes change intensely. I've been trying to push myself more .. I've been going out by myself more and it's honestly fine... It's just so overwhelming from a sensory perspective and I don't really have a desire to do it more often.

As my parents get older I worry about what will happen to me when they die, because even if we don't have an amazing relationship, they still support me during life emergencies if I need them, but after they die I think I will have no one. And I'm so afraid. I make a lot of money but feel like all my jobs have taken so much from me. I would prefer if I was allowed to do repetitive, non-interactive, detail-intensive work all day. Or if I could somehow engage in a special interest all day, like be one of those people at reproduction colonial villages who dresses up in period clothing and knits all day while info dumping to visitors. Or if I could write all day, my few friends and even strangers keep telling me that I'm a good storyteller and should write a book. Or even do something that involves people but is very repetitive. I do extremely well with repetitive, scripted interactions as long as I can reuse the same set of scripts.

Idk. These are all pretty disjointed thoughts. I'm just stressed, trying to figure out how I can enjoy life while honoring my disability. Or if it's even possible. I read a book about autistic adult women before graduating college and I remember a lot of the interviewees for the book talking about how they worked short term contract jobs and took regular sabbaticals to recover even if it financially hurt their situation and I'm starting to think that might be something I'll have to consider in the future.

[angeltism]

YEAH BEING ON ANON FOR A WHILE WILL BE FUN and i did stay up like a lot last night but don't worry about it im actually super used to doing that LMAO alright ALRIGHT TIME FOR THE QUESTIONS oh lord you cant add a read more in asks. uh. sorry to all aqua followers HSJSHSJHS

1- i think we share like a Lot of fandoms actually! basing this off of your extended media you know rentry btw. UHM im a huge huge fan of prsk, honkai star rail, tbhk, bsd, milgram, vocaloid, undertale/deltarune and i think that's it? i wont go into much detail about other fandoms im in because one specific interest of mine could give away the whole answer to my mystery to some of our shared mutuals JSHSHSHDH but aside from that one im also into enstars bandori and some other rhythm games! not really sure what else to add to that list honestly i forgot everything i have ever liked in my life, i also have many irls from those medias :3

2- honestly? i have been having the biggest labels crisis of my life these past few weeks so pronouns aren't something i really have the ability to specify rn, just use whatever you feel like at the moment and i will be more than happy! curious to see what your perception of my gender ends up being so i can get closer to an answer to my, uhm, current dilemma! HSJSHSHJSJSJ

3- OH UH ITS ALL VOCALOID I THINK i can't really say i have specific artists i like outside of that... maybe will wood and that's, really it. aside from just those two its all specific songs from different artists yeah. BUT IT'S DIFFERENT WITH VOCALOID BECAUSE I CAN KINDA DISCERN WHICH PRODUCERS I LISTEN TO MORE! also some utaites i listen to like a looot, one example is Ado! onto vocaloid producers my favorites ever are Syudou (producer of Usseewa!) and Van De Shop (producer of Pheles!), aside from those two i listen to like a lot more just not with that much frequency (its mostly just one specific song or songs i like from those producers. yeah)

4- i have like a gazillion but lately i have grown very attached to periwinkle blue!

5- FOR LIKE A MONTH OR SO? I HONESTLY DONT REMEMBER JSSHSJSSHJSH as for the reasons... in many ways i realized we are like extremely similar (mostly with the yearning and the love and all that yknow) and that just made me start feeling more and more attracted to you because hey! she gets almost all of the things i experience! and well here we are now

6- i can confidently say fried chicken is my favorite food in this whole wide world, as for sweet stuff im kinda. basic. yeah its chocolate HSJSHSJSHDH

- 💌 anon (honestly sometimes i get scared i might end up not pressing the anon button and then ruin the whole surprise. eek!)

LMAOOOO it's ok the mewtuals will forgive uu . they have to or else /silly j

although WOWW OMG YEAH WE DO SEEM KINDA SIMILAR ?? W taste in media and music and colors (<- loves blue . is it obvious ehe) and wowow for like a month . . . wowowowow . . . . that's honestly impressive n kinda endearing wow <3

also i'll purrobably be defaulting to they/them i suppose since idk . for me . i can't rlly assume genders esp for beings i know online ? like my brain soorta can sometimes but other times just . nope . n i can't rlly think if uu give me more masc or fem or just neu vibes . . . like loveletter anon is loveletter anon . to me . y'know . but i hope uu figure out uur identity soon , lol , i know questioning can be kinda eeeh to go through (<- started calling myself genderqueer/multigenderqueer to avoid trying to find out any specifics bc i'm just Me and i'm just Queer Of Gender and other than that idfk lol)

also fried chicken is so good . . . i can't rlly handle bone-in stuff bc of my sensory issues (icky gross for my brain) but flavor-wise it's soo good omg . i just have to like , cut/rip it off of the bone before i eat it . and chocolate is a simple but rlly good pick honestly . it's like 90% of the sweets i eat bc ice cream takes freezer space , baked goods need to actually be made , etc etc . . . ooo wait i'm curious do uu like dark , milk or white better . purrsonally i like dark n milk :3