#incorrect ask

[incorrectjakanddaxter]

Daxter: My clothes fell in a dark eco pool. Jak: That's not so bad. Daxter: I was in them.

[batcavescolony]

Odysseus: I am different, I am no longer the man you married, it's been 20 long years but if you could just fall in love with me again?

Penelope: if you can do something for me

Odysseus: anything

Penelope: move my wedding bed.

Odysseus: I can't, it's made out of a living tree, to move it I would have to destroy it. How can yo-

Penelope: oh, I thought we were asking each other stupid questions?

Odysseus:

Penelope: 'FaLl iN lOvE wItH mE aGaiN' to do that I would have had to stop loving you.

[great-and-small]

Turdus aficionados of Costa Rica please know I love your national bird but this is objectively hilarious

[shadebloopnik]

Penelope: Would I fall in love with you again? Hmmm, well. Can you also move our marriage bed over there? Hmmm? What? I thought we were pretending to be stupid by asking the most idiotic questions.

[anyknotrants]

-after Damian turned 16, at the family dinner-

Bruce: so... Damian, do you remember the Oreov girl you met at the gala last week?

Damian: *looks up* yes

Bruce: what do you think of her...?

Dick: *tries not to laugh*

Tim: *fails not to laugh*

Steph: *doesn't even try not to laugh*

Damian: she was... acceptable, if a bit annoying, why do you ask?

Tim: He's trying to set you up!

Batkids -Damian: *laughs*

Damian: *stares blankly*

Bruce: of course, you don't hav-

Damian: father, are you unaware that I'm in a committed relationship?

Duke, Tim and Dick: *choke on their food*

Steph: *chokes on her drink*

Cass: *smiles*

Batkids: WHAT?!

Bruce: ... I-....

Jason: *laughs so hard he almost falls from his chair* oh Jesus Christ! The world's best detectives at their finest!

Dick: you knew? And you didn't tell me?!

Jason: where the fuck do you think he went almost every fucking friday?

Bruce: *turns to Damian* I- I though you were having sleepover with Jon

Damian: I was.

Dick: but you just-

Batfam: *stops all their movememnt as they realize*

Jason: *actually falls from his chair laughing*

Bruce: JONATHAN SAMUEL KENT!

-over at the Kent farm, also having family dinner-

Jon, who heard Bruce shout his name: I feel like I'm going to get murdered by a bat in my sleep

Clark, who was also listening in: right after you explain why I had to find out you're dating Damian throught their family dinner

Jon: hehe... fuck

[notrobinsomethingworse]

Dick, deadpan: You hid a racoon in your room.

Jason, crouched by a sleeping racoon currently sleeping on a pillow. Theres scratches all over his arms and legs. He doesn’t seem bothered: yeah? What ya gonna do about it?

Dick: Un-hide? The goddamn racoon in your room?

Jason: But I’ve named him.

Dick: Well, un-name him.

Jason: He’s Barty.

Dick: I don’t care.

Jason: …

Jason: We can use him to fuck with Bruce.

Dick: …

Dick: Would Barty like some food?

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?

Tim: Death penalty.

Dick: Tim, it was just a parking ticket-

Tim, leaning into the mic: Please kill me.

[s4phiraaa]

james: can we not go to a restaurant tonight?

regulus: why? you love restaurants.

james: i feel like an abuser everytime we go out :(

regulus: youre so dramatic, it’s fine.

(at the restaurant)

waiter: (looking at regulus) and what would you like sir?

regulus:

james: (sigh)… he‘ll have the salad, please.

[bruciemilf]

There’s something pretty funny about Bruce being JL’s emergency fake boyfriend. It all starts with Hal, because all wonderfully chaotic things do.

Hal: My dad’s having a BBQ with his insufferable pilot friends and they're all ‘quiet about politics’. I need you to pretend we've been married for 10 years.

Bruce: 😐

—

Clark: So I kind of told my parents I've been dating you after they asked me ‘what kind of friends are you’, and I said ‘the kind that kiss and hold hands’ because I panicked

Bruce:

Clark: I'm so sorry but please, please come to dinner this Sunday. I’ll tell them you broke up with me later!

Bruce: I don't want to break up with you.

Clark: REALLY?! I MEAN— Really! I can do the break up, no problem. Not that I WANT to break up with you. I'd never.

Bruce: You’ll tell them you had a long term affair behind my back. With Batman.

Clark: You’re absolutely evil sometimes, you know that?

Bruce: The plot required conflict.

—

Barry: So, I kinda forgot to tell my dad I’m not straight. I want him to have a soft introduction before I bring HAL home.

Bruce: Alright.

Barry: Wow! That was fast.

Bruce: I have a deep-seated fear of denying my younger peers.

—

The only issue? JL is hosting a family night and they all sorta kinda forgot to tell their parents they stopped “dating” Bruce.

The parents are fighting over him.

[incorrectjakanddaxter]

Daxter: Oh please! Anyone can have your issues, watch!!! *Immitating Torn.* Look at me, I’m Torn, please love me Ashelin!!!

Torn: …that’s a terrible impression.

Tess: But not inaccurate.

Torn: WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?!?!

[mysticalarmand]

Clark: *Out of curiosity* How did all four of you even become Robin

Dick: My parents died in the circus

Jason: I stole Bruce's tyres off of the batmobile

Tim: I stalked him

Damian: I'm his only biological son and there's no refund button

[demaparbat-hp]

What am I doing with my life.

Based on this post by @fattuccini-afraido

[magicicephoenix]

Sun you wont believe it something crazy just happen wait crazy i was crazy once-

driving sun crazy insane!! ft. everyone’s lovely reactions 💕

(context)

[managone16]

Sirius: So James, are you a shirt-lifter or a skirt-lifter? James: James: Sorry what- Sirius: You know. Which team you playing? James: Uhh- Sirius: For fucks sake James! Do you likes boys or girls? James: OH!! James: Umm- James, shrugging: Shkirt-lifter?

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce coming home one day to find Robin Jason clinging onto a chandelier with Dick below him cheering him on.

Bruce: Jason what are you doing?

Jason: Dick said that you missed his antics after he moved out and so he’s teaching me how to be a better son

Dick: After this we’re going to drive the Batmobile into the bay :D

Jason: We’re going to what? I mean yeah! Right into the water.

Jason trying to whisper to Dick: Dick I can’t swim though

This just further fuels the chaotic dynamic of Dick and Jason during a time where Dick was still going through his teenage angst and was absolutely not a benevolent role model LMAO

I mentioned it in this post, but it's just so funny to me to imagine a Jason who grew up with an absolutely WILD Dick Grayson as an older brother, while the younger batkids grew up with a more mellowed out and mature (arguable but when measured against the other kids, he wins by a landslide) Dick Grayson.

Robin!Jason era:

Dick: You wanna go out and get high?

Jason: I can't, I have homework.

Dick, sputtering: HOMEWORK?

----

Dick, about to do an elaborate (and totally not dangerous) acrobatic move in the manor: Watch this, littlewing

Jason: You shouldn't do that, it'll make Bruce upset.

Dick, on the brink of angry tears: Why are you like this.

----

Jason, dejected: Listen, I know you don't approve of me because you think I'm not good enough as Robin, but-

Dick: Not good enough as Robin? I don't care about that, I just think you're a little bitch

----

Dick taking Jason out on a hangout for the first time: OK, looks like I got my work cut out for me. Take out a notepad and write everything down. I will NOT have my successor embarrass me like this. So what you wanna do to piss off Bruce-

---

[Years later, Jason returning to Gotham with the fury of a thousand suns and the chaos to match it]: I'm gonna make your life a living HELL, Bruce

Dick, older and relatively more chilled out: Okayyyyy, maybe let's just– calm down a lil, haha, no need for the theatrics

Jason, betrayed, observing a Dick Grayson who is teaching his new younger siblings to behave and be mature: Dick, what the FUCK

-----

Present!Dick, mentoring Tim: Make sure not to be too impulsive, don't wanna raise Bruce's blood pressure

Red Hood!Jason spying on them from afar: Who even ARE you??

-----

Jason: So you teach me ALL of that, only to turn into the ONE thing you despised so greatly all those years ago

Dick, sweating: Well-

Jason: I'm ASHAMED. How can you be worthy of being called my PREDECESSOR?

[stephreynaart]

Curse you!!

Incorrect quote from Invader Zim that just felt perfect.