#incorrect spideypool quotes

[kaethefangirl]

Matt: I thought you were unserious and childish when I met you.

Peter: oh.

Matt: But then I met Wade, and now you seem professional and serious.

Peter: Wade isn't that goofy.

Wade: *in his room interrogating his stuffed unicorn* WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY MAMA!?

Peter: Statement retracted.

[headcanonthings]

[hurtspideyparker]

I love the identity porn trope where a character is shit talking the person's other identity to the person. Or just in general where they like one version of the person and not the other

Deadpool: Spidey this Parker guy sure likes trashing your rep in the newspaper. Want me to trash his head in with a pipe?

Peter: Um, no Wade. He's just doing his job

Deadpool: And so am I, which is breaking the legs of those who hurt my pookie

Peter: Please don't ever go near that poor photographer.

Johnny: Can you believe this guy Webs? Cocky little nerd thinks his time is worth more than The Johnny Storm

Peter: Yeah he sounds like a real asshole

Steve: I can't stand Stark, what a money hungry, narcissistic, gallivanting, impolite bastard. I can't believe we have to work for that guy. At least he makes good armor, right Iron Man?

Tony: I whole-heartedly agree, what a complete dick

[papersoupz]

[mikeluciraphgabe]

Foggy: What do you even see in that guy?

Peter: *watching Wade do a ‘this is for you baby boy’ to him and throwing a basketball but completely missing the net*

Peter: he makes me laugh

Peter: Also, you can be talking much. Have you seen YOURS?

Foggy, looking over his shoulder: *watches Matt try and pathetically fail to catch a cat for the two to spay/neuter, bring up to be a good house kitty as foster parents before finding its forever home*

Foggy: he’s hot idk

[ifanyoneasksyoudontknowme]

Wade: "Aw we should shower together!"

Peter: "Why you wanna make me a squeaky clean spider or sm?"

Wade: *looking him up and down* "No you're already a spider, and I already know how to make you squeak.

Wade: "Clean though..?"

----

Wade: *Webbed to the ceiling* "Can I come down now?"

Peter: "Blood rushing to your head?"

Wade: "No."

Peter: "Then you better get comfortable."

[venominomenon]

Deadpool about Venom and Eddie Brock: Actually, I would encourage them to have more children.

Daredevil: What

Spider-man: Why would you do that?!

Deadpool: 'cause I'm such a controversial figure.

[pandapool]

Peter: you wanna see some real talent? Peter: *stumbles over nothing* Peter: *drops cup* Peter: *gets caught in his own web* Wade: ... Peter: then you should go somewhere else Wade *internally*: can't believe i'm in love with him

[nerdasaurus1200]

Deadpool: No matter what happens, you are not allowed to fall in love with me.

Spiderman: Won’t be a problem.

*later*

Spiderman: We have a problem.

[isthei]

spider-man: can you do me a favor?

deadpool: i would cover up a murder you committed and take the blame for you.

spider-man: cool. can i have some fries

deadpool: no.

[kaethefangirl]

Wade: They don't call me the Merc with the Mouth for nothin'!

Peter & Matt: We know.

Matt: God, do we know.

[headcanonthings]

Peter: *Exists* Wade: ❤️💓��💛💘💙💓💕💖💓💛❤️💞❣️💚💕💓💝❤️💘💖💗💓💞💕💝💗💖❤️💘💗💛❣️💖💕💙💘💞💛💗💚💛💖💘 Foggy: How the fuck did you say that out loud?

[hurtspideyparker]

Peter Parker before sex: *takes off jacket, takes off hoodie, takes off sweater, takes off button up, takes off t-shirt, takes off spider-suit, takes off binder—*

His partner: HOW LONG IS THIS GOING TO TAKE

[fartzsack]

Canon panel, totally unedited

[spideyswebfluid]

Guys legit is Peter Parker x Spider-Man kinda toxic Yaoi ???

Cause like think abt it, Peter basically sells glorified sexy selfies of his ‘friend’ fighting for money to a boss who HATES Spider-Man and they’re still together ???

Not only that but if you ask around a bit and stalk peters socials (Ik weird) he’s basically CHEATING ON SPIDER-MAN W SOME CHICK NAMED MJ ?? can’t blame him tho she kinda… 😍😍

But its mutual toxic yaoi cause istg I’ve seen Spider-Man be to close with a few superheroes… a bit TOO close to be not a little… yk… on our month too…

(That’s right I see u Deadpool and Spider-Man eating on the roof)

That’s right him and human torch aren’t slick I’ve seen that come meet me at our special place spidey message ON FIRE on the streets of ny

And you basically never seen them in the same room together ?? Even tho everyone knows they’re dating… like cmon Peter how did u get those closeups of Spider-Man ??

Idk gang like are they couple goals or are they couple donts ? One things for sure they’re pretty hot together !

[ifanyoneasksyoudontknowme]

Peter: *walks into room*

Peter: Wade im gonna need you to be honest with me about something, no lying to make me feel better okay?

Wade: Okay

Peter: Did you kill tho-

Wade: Yes that outfit makes you look fat

Peter: What no? I was gonna ask- wait really?