#incorrect steve Rodgers

[1luna1lovegood1]

Clint: WHY AREN'T THERE ADULT-SIZED PLAYGROUNDS? !

Natasha : so like, everything is the same as a kids' playground but bigger!

Clint : yeah, why don't we have those?!

Steve : they are called theme parks.

Clint: but you have to PAY for theme parks!

Steve: that's the adult part.

[angelremnants]

Classified Distraction l S. Rogers

summary : Steve usually prides himself on his self-control—that is, until you decide to put it up to the test with a single and devastatingly timed picture of you in lingerie. Trapped in a government meeting, he’s forced to choose between professionalism and the growing need to grill you and put you back in your place. Spoiler alert: the meeting won’t last much longer.

pairing : Steve Rogers x f!reader

warnings : Mature (18+—MINORS, DO NOT INTERACT) Modern SMAU, established relationship, bit of sexting and dirty talk, sexual content, you being a horny and desperate little shit, dom!Steve if you squint, power dynamics, flirting and teasing, mild language. Proceed with caution if you're sensitive to such material.

author's notes : Decided to write a little something with Steve while I write the chapter 2 for HFTS because it's been a while and I wanted to do a SMAU with him for so long. <3

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dividers ©️ @cafekitsune .

angelremnants ©️ 2025. All rights reserved. Do not repost, reproduce, or distribute without explicit permission.

[fatkish]

The Avengers x Y/N

——————————————————————————

[(Y/n) is sick and has been throwing up and is in the living room with the others]

Y/n: I want Bobo

Sam: *handing y/n a bottle of water* who’s Bobo?

*Bucky walks in*

Bucky: okay I got you that soda you like to drink when you’re nauseous, I also got some applesauce and some warm blankets

Y/n: *making grabby hands towards Bucky* Bobo!

Bucky: *snuggles next to y/n* Bobo’s here.

Steve: *lays the warm blankets on y/n and Bucky before setting the soda and applesauce packets on the side table and settling next to y/n* c’mere doll. You want to ask Loki to read to you? Would that help?

Y/n: yes please

Steve: hey Friday, can you ask Loki to come down and read to y/n, they’re sick

Friday: of course

Tony: wait a minute, you’re telling me rock of ages reads to y/n?

Thor: of course, lady/sir y/n says that my brother has a soothing voice and he often reads books to them that they are too lazy to read themselves

*a few minutes later*

Loki: *walks in with a thick book under his arm and sits behind y/n* alright now, where did we last leave off…oh yes, here we go. *proceeds to start reading aloud*

Y/n: *snuggles into Steve, Loki and Bucky while holding a large bowl on their lap and closes their eyes*

——————————————————————————

Natasha: If you had too, what would you give up food or sex?

Tony: Sex.

Pepper: Seriously, answer faster.

Tony: I’m sorry honey, when they said sex I wasn’t thinking about sex with you.

Pepper: It’s like a giant hug.

Natasha: Y/n, what about you? What would you give up sex or food?

Y/n: Food.

Natasha: Okay, how about sex or dinosaurs?

Y/n: Oh my God it’s like the movie Sophie’s Choice.

Steve: What about you Thor? What would you give up sex or food?

Thor: Oh... um... I don’t know, it’s too hard.

Steve: No, you gotta pick one.

Thor: Um, food... no, sex... no, food... sex... food. Ugh! I don’t know! I want both! I- I want hot people on bread!

——————————————————————————

Thor: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Loki recently.

Y/n: No, Thor, it's not what it looks like, I swear.

Thor: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?

Y/n: No! You’re the only one for me.

Thor: Is that so?

Y/n: I promise! Loki and I are just dating, okay? He’s my partner.

Thor: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?

Y/n: You are still my one and only best friend! Loki is just the love of my life, nothing more!

Thor: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?

Y/n: Of course bro!

Thor: Bro...

Loki: What the-

——————————————————————————

*y/n is playing Amnesia the horror video game in their room*

Y/n: *is humming the jeopardy theme song*

Steve: *in the living room* has anyone seen y/n

Peter: uh yeah, they’re in their room, why

Steve: I’m just curious, haven’t seen them since yesterday

Y/n: *the amnesia monster appears and starts coming after them* OH FUCK! Oh no! No no no no no no stay away! I’m gonna die

Loki: *had snuck into their room and was hiding*

Loki: *cast an illusion to make himself appear as the monster from the game and slowly creeps up behind y/n*

Y/n: *managed to get away in the game* phew, I’m safe. *takes off their headphones*

Loki: *taps y/n’s shoulder*

Y/n: *looks behind them and screams* Ahhhhhhhh!

Y/n: * falls out of their chair and runs out of their room screaming*

The avengers are in the living room watching y/n run away screaming followed by Loki smiling

Tony: I seriously do not understand their relationship

Thor: Loki is simply getting back at y/n for hiding the Poptarts and blaming him for eating them

Thor: *realizes something* this one may be my fault

Steve: how so?

Thor: I may have gotten a bit upset and possibly thrown my brother out the window…

Bruce: *looks at Thor with that bewildered and slightly horrified look on his face*

Clint: remind me never to eat the last poptart

——————————————————————————

*Y/n, Peter, Scott and Thor are in the living room with pictures of the other Avengers on the TV screen*

*Natasha’s picture comes up*

Y/n: pass

Peter: respectfully pass

Scott: well I’m with Hope so pass

Thor: I still don’t get the point of this game

Scott: Thor, if you’d have sex with the person who’s picture is shown then you say smash, if not then you say pass

Thor: ah! Well lady Natasha is indeed quite the warrior! Smash

*the other avengers walk in*

*a picture of Clint comes up*

Y/n: not gonna lie, if he weren’t married, I’d totally smash

Peter: pass

Scott: pass

Thor: I too would smash

*clint looks shocked at the others but also blushes*

*a picture of Tony comes up*

Y/n: meh, pass. He’s like a dad

Peter: pass

Scott: he’s mean to me, pass

Thor: Smash!

*Tony rolls his eyes*

*a Picture of Steve pops up*

Y/n: Smash! Smash that ass

Peter: smash

Scott: I want him to smash me

Thor: I too would like to smash the captain

*steve is shocked*

*Loki walks in as his picture comes up*

y/n: Smashsmashsmashsmashsmashsmashsmashsmashsmash! SMASH!

Peter: pass?

Y/n: *looks at Peter bewildered* you’d pass on this glorious piece of art!? Look at him! Look at that beautiful face! Tell me you wouldn’t want to see this face breathless and lust driven. I don’t care if he’s on top or bottom, he can blow my back out any day.

Scott: *whispers* smash

Thor: y/n, you find my brother attractive?

Y/n: yesssssss!

Loki: *walks up behind y/n with a smug look on his face* is that so darling?

Y/n: *turns around and faints upon seeing Loki*

Loki: oh dear, are they dead?

——————————————————————————

*y/n and Peter are in the living room inside of a inflatable kiddie pool filled halfway with water wearing swimsuits. Both of them are wearing snorkels and goggles and are laying on their stomachs.*

Tony: *enters the room and sees Peter and y/n* what the hell are they doing?

Scott: I have no idea but honestly I feel the same

Steve: it’s -5 degrees Fahrenheit outside and these two are laying on their stomachs in a kiddie pool

Tony: how long have they been like that?

Scott: I don’t know, they were like this when I got here

Steve: and how long have been here?

Scott: thirty minutes give or take?

Tony: alright, that’s it, I’m pulling the plug on whatever this is

Clint: *from the vents* it’s fine! The kids are just trying to pretend it’s summer. They’re trying to pray the snow away and bring back tolerable temperatures

Steve: how long have they been doing this?

Clint: *from the vents* 7 hours

Tony: Jesus, I’m getting them out. *taps on y/n and peter’s shoulders* C’mon you two, out.

Peter: *lifts his head and removes the snorkel* but mister stark

Tony: no, no buts. Get out.

Peter and y/n: awwww *gets out*

Tony: and clean this up

——————————————————————————

*y/n comes running into the living room with a box that’s taped up*

Y/n: it’s here! It’s here! *sets the box on the coffee table and proceeds to open it*

Tony: what’cha got there kiddo?

Y/n: *pulls out an old creepy doll* This is Bella-Ann and she’s supposed to be haunted

Clint: yeah nope, I’m not staying anywhere near that thing

Tony: oh come on Legolas, it’s not real

Y/n: Bella killed her last owner, supposedly…

Steve: why would you want that?

Y/n: cause it only cost me 2 dollars and the seller promised it was haunted

Tony: yeah no, I’m calling the wizard. *calls Strange*

Dr. Strange: *picks up and is clearly annoyed* what is it this time?

Tony: y/n bought a supposedly haunted doll

Dr. Strange: and why are you calling me?

Y/n: uh, Tony?

Tony: not now y/n

Y/n: Tony!

Tony: what?!

Y/n and Steve: *hiding behind the couch*

Y/n: *whispers* the doll has a knife*

The doll: *is standing and holding a knife*

Tony: *to Strange* yeah there’s definitely something wrong with the doll, it’s got a knife and is currently chasing y/n*

Y/n: *running from the doll* help me!

Dr. Strange: *sighs and opens a portal* fine

——————————————————————————

*y/n comes skipping into a meeting*

Y/n: Balls in holes! Who wants to put ball in holes?!

Fury: excuse me?

Steve: language!

Y/n: aww ain’t anyone wanna play skee-ball, I’ve got tickets

Tony: y/n, we’re in a meeting

Sam: I’d love to but we’re kinda busy

Y/n: fine, I’ll go play with myself

Steve: you hear what you’re saying right?

Natasha: don’t bother, they’ve been hanging out with Deadpool

——————————————————————————

[gender-thief2]

iron man incorrect quotes in the year of our lord 2025 because i have brain rot and you all will suffer for it

[movienerd22]

Steve: so Tony.. where’s the flying cars huh

Tony: what ? what flying cars, that’s not a thing

Steve: mhm sureee I bet your just keeping them for yourself

Tony: what are you even talking about.. flying cars did you hit your head coming out of the ice

Bucky: *walking in* Howard promised the world flying cars

[annmaximoff18]

Imagine trying to teach Bucky how to use a phone and getting frustrated because he doesn't know how to use it.

"You're an idiot, Bucky!" you yelled. It was the tenth time you'd explained how to send a text message, and the boy didn't seem to understand.

"You don't know how to explain it, I'll go to someone else," he yelled at you and stormed off. "Steve!" Bucky yelled. You looked at him, eyes wide open.

"Come on, Steve doesn't even know how to open YouTube!" you yelled at the black-haired boy, but he ignored you.

[incorrectwandanat]

steve: cut nat some slack, y/n, she's in love!

reader: that's not really my problem-

steve: she’s in love with you!

reader: oh.

reader: i will not deny that brings me in the loop a little.

[niabiabloop]

Y/n: Fitness tip: never stop pushing yourself. Some say 8 hours of sleep is enough. Why not keep going? Why not 9? Why not 10? Strive for greatness.

Bucky : Next time you’re working out do 15 push ups instead of 10. Run 3 miles instead of 2. Eat a whole cake instead of just a slice. Burn your ex’s house down. You can do it. I believe in you.

Steve: There were so many mixed messages in that I can’t-

[louwaffles]

Steve and Y/N overlooking destruction. Steve: Well, frick me. Y/N: I think you meant to say "fuck me" and honey, I already did that last night. You can't be saying stuff like that on a-- Sam: Earpieces! We can hear everything you're saying!

[nykie-love-anime]

Zero Stars

Y/N: - tending to steve's wounds after a rough mission - Y/N: How would you rate your pain? Steve: Zero stars Steve: - groaning from the stinging of the disinfectant - Steve: Would not recommend!

Masterlist

[tr3asur3]

Y/n: You were stabbed. Do you remember anything?

Steve: Only the ambulance ride to the hospital.

Y/n: That wasn't an ambulance, I drove you.

Steve: But I heard a siren.

Sam: That was Bucky.

Bucky: Sorry, I got nervous.

[1luna1lovegood1]

Bucky: *messages the boys at 3am*

Peter : *replies back soon after*

Steve: What the fuck are you doing awake, go to sleep

[pixiexdusts-world]

Incorrect quote

Sam: Which movie are you and Steve going to see tonight?

Y/n: Oh, I always go to whichever movie Steve wants.

Sam: Which one do they want to see?

Y/n: I haven't decided yet.

[fatkish]

Avengers x Y/n pt. 2

——————————————————————————

*y/n and Scott are playing Mariokart*

Y/n: have I ever mentioned how much I wanna just bite Steve and Bucky sometimes?

Scott: what? Why?

Y/n: have you seen Cap’s ass? Not to mention his arms or chest. He could bring a nation to its knees if he ever did pole dancing.

Scott: I could see that

Y/n: and Bucky? Boy I’d love to watch those hips buck. I know he used to be a ladies man but damn. I want to be sandwiched between them thighs

Scott: yeah he is pretty handsome, albeit very intimidating

Y/n: the only intimidating thing about Bucky is his smoldering good looks

*Clint who had walked in to get food*

Clint: is this what you guys normally discuss?

Scott and Y/n: yup!

——————————————————————————

*y/n returns from going out*

Y/n: hey Thor! I have something for you

*y/n walks over to Thor and hands him a thick envelope*

Thor: what is this? *opens the envelope and pulls out the contents*

Y/n: I honestly don’t know wa-

Thor: Orin’s beard! What is that?

Y/n: *peeks at the pictures and sees naked pinup photos of Deadpool wearing just his mask*

Y/n: I believe that is a reason why Wade has officially lost his ‘give this to Thor for me’ privliges

——————————————————————————

*y/n walks into the living room wearing a hoodie with a suspicious lump in it*

Tony: *is extremely done with y/n’s shit* y/n, what’s in your hoodie

Y/n: nothin

Steve: come on y/n, we can clearly see you’re hiding something

Bruce: just tell us what it is

Clint: I promise we won’t be mad

Y/n: *pouts* fine…

Y/n: *unzips their hoodie to reveal a giant, fat, raggedy opossum* guys…. Meet lil’Stevie

Steve: Jesus Christ y/n *facepalms*

Tony: you put that thing back where you found it or so help me

Y/n: aww c’mon, you let me keep Thor

Bruce: Thor’s a god…. And it’s not like we can tell him what to do

Y/n: fine then… we’ll leave and go where we’re appreciated. C’mon lil’ Stevie

*later*

Y/n: and that’s why we’re here

Thanos: just go home already, and take that, thing, with you

——————————————————————————

*it’s morning and y/n is staying with Clint and his family since they were injured and needed a few months off to recover. Clint’s wife just finished making breakfast*

Clint’s wife (I don’t know her name): it’s ready

C.W: *sets a plate of bacon, eggs and pancakes in front of you* here you go sweetie

Y/n: thank you, so… we meet again you insufferable bastard

Clint: *who just walked in with the kids not too far behind* oh for Pete’s sake y/n, I’ll eat the bacon but you need to eat the eggs. A little table pepper won’t kill you, you’re not allergic

Y/n: *angrily grumbles*

Clint: y/n, don’t make me use my dad voice

Y/n: *looks up in horror* you wouldn’t

Clint: *takes y/n’s plate and scoops up a bit of eggs. In a childish voice* here comes the airplane

Y/n: gyahhhhh! Fine! Just stop!

Clint: *smirks at his wife* works every time

——————————————————————————

*Tony and Bruce are inside the lab working on something together. Y/n walks in*

Y/n: hey Tony, can I borrow a blowtorch and a small hand saw?

Tony: *doesn’t even look up and points to the bench behind him* over there

Y/n: thanks *takes the items and leaves*

*a minute passes before Bruce looks up*

Bruce: should we be worried? Ya’ know, about why y/n needs those particular tools?

Tony: *looks up* I dunno

*five minutes later*

Friday: sir, there seems to be a commotion in the living room

Tony: *exasperated* what is it?

Friday: it seems as though y/n and Mr. Wade Wilson are currently trying to roast marshmallows over what appears to be a corpse.

Tony: *groans* I told y/n to stop hanging out with that guy

Bruce: please tell me corpse isn’t real

Tony: I hope not or I’m going to find a way to kill Deadpool

——————————————————————————

*y/n, Scott and Wade are in a video chat playing a game*

Y/n: I swear it’s true

Scott: no way.

Wade: do you swear?

Y/n: I solemnly swear on America’s ass *has their hand on a picture of Steve’s butt*

Steve: *walks into the living room* is-is that a picture of my butt?

Y/n: ….no

Wade: yes!

——————————————————————————

*(y/n) is in the kitchen making chocolate strawberries*

Thor: *walks in and sees y/n dipping the strawberries in chocolate* ah, y/n, how are you?

Thor: *takes one of the strawberries and eats it*

Thor: …. *tastes the mock strawberry*

Thor: what is this?

Y/n: they’re called mock strawberries. They look like strawberries but have no flavor. They’re also called disappointment berries because of their disappointing flavor.

Thor: very aptly named… *eats another chocolate covered mock strawberry*

Y/n: why are you eating the disappointment berries?

Thor: the berry is disappointing but not the chocolate. Also why are you making these, disappointment berries?

Y/n: two words. Loki. Revenge.

Thor: ah, I see. Carry on

——————————————————————————

*Thor and Tony walk into the living room one night to see (y/n) laying on the floor with Peter and Loki holding onto them. Loki and Peter are asleep and tightly clutching onto (y/n) in their sleep*

(Y/n): *holds up one finger in front of their lips gesturing for Thor and Tony to be quiet* shhhh

Tony: *whispers* what is going on here?

(Y/n): *whispers back* it was movie night

Tony: so?

(Y/n): it was my turn to pick the movie

Tony: *still whispering* that doesn’t explain anything*

Thor: *trying to whisper* I haven’t seen Loki like this since we were children and he was deathly afraid of thunderstorms. What happened?

(Y/n): I picked The Conjuring series. We got to The Nun before they didn’t want to watch the rest.

Tony: let me guess, they got scared.

(Y/n): Peter did, but Loki insisted his room was, and I quote, ‘too cold’

Thor: but he’s a frost giant, he loves the cold

(Y/n): Tony, you put that phone away and delete that picture or so help me I will make sure you have nightmares for weeks

Tony: *slips his phone back in his pocket after deleting the photo* I wasn’t doing anything

————————————————————————

*y/n, Tony and Bruce are in Tony’s lab when AC/DC’s Back in Black comes on*

Y/n: oh it’s the mayonnaise song, I love this song

Bruce: the what?

Y/n: the mayonnaise song. You know. It goes, mayonnaise on an escalator, going upstairs so see ya later

Tony: there can’t seriously be a parody of this about mayonnaise

Y/n: there is. Hey Jarvis

Jarvis: *stops the music* yes y/n?

Y/n: can you play mayonnaise on an escalator please?

Jarvis: certainly. *plays the song*

Tony: that’s not even the entire song

Bruce: I’m not even going to ask why you listen to this

—————————————————————————

[ljlokijinx]

Steve: Spidey, you are BLEEDING from a STAB wound!

Peter: Do I look like I care?

Steve: Not really no..

Peter: Why do you think that is?

Steve:....

Peter: It's because I'm a bad actor bitch.

Steve: I walked right into that one didn't I?

Tony: Yeah, you really did.

[movienerd22]

Steve: I think we need to start using a swear jar.

Tony: no we don’t no one here even swears.

Natasha: well….

Tony: what the fk do you mean well

Natasha:

Steve:

Tony:

Tony: uh okay I see