#interdimensional memos

[tiiidan]

Feather contamination detected again. Kitchen privileges revoked. This you?

[reveryfics]

Back Home

Sam Wilson x Male Reader

Summary: You've been invited to your family's yearly summer gathering, but there's a catch: your mother really wants you to bring Sam along.

A/N: Was ranting to my friend that I needed more Marvel men domestic fluff, then remembered I have the ability to do just that. I am however taking a pause on requests as I'm a little burnt out doing them, however they will stay open while I do a bunch of domestic fluff fics. Also 500 follower special! 3.6k+ words

TW: Domestic fluff - Fluff - Tooth rotting fluff - Comfort

The familiar scent of pine needles and damp earth hung heavy in the humid summer air, a fragrance so intrinsically tied to childhood that it tugged at something deep within you. For years, that scent had been a phantom, a fleeting memory conjured by old photographs or a stray whiff of cleaning supplies, a stark contrast to the sterile hum of Avengers Tower and the ozone tang that often clung to Sam's vibranium wings. Every summer, without fail, your mother's invitation to her lake house would arrive, a brightly colored postcard amidst the stark white envelopes of mission briefings and Stark Industries memos. Each year, a pang of guilt would accompany the polite decline, the well-rehearsed excuse of pressing global threats and interdimensional anomalies feeling increasingly hollow. She always asked anyway, your mother, her love a constant even in the face of your chaotic life, and she always made sure to extend an invitation to Sam, picturing him, no doubt, as a more tangible presence than your perpetually screen-lit silhouette against the backdrop of his own heroic endeavors.

This year, however, felt different. The weight of responsibility, usually a familiar companion, had become a crushing burden. The world hadn't ended when Bucky, with a quiet resolve that surprised everyone, traded his metal arm for a seat in Congress, advocating for a future he believed in. But his absence left a void, a subtle shift in the dynamic that even Sam, now bearing the mantle of Captain America with a blend of earnestness and wry humor, couldn't entirely fill. Sam, ever perceptive, had noticed the growing weariness etched around your eyes, the way you’d lose yourself for hours in data streams, a ghost in your own headquarters. He’d seen the yearning flicker in your gaze whenever your mother’s calls came through, a longing for the simple rhythm of family, the uncomplicated joy of a lakeside sunset.

It had taken weeks of gentle prodding, a persuasive argument woven with reassurances that the planet wouldn't spontaneously combust in your absence, and a not-so-subtle reminder of the sheer joy on your mother’s face whenever he actually showed up. Finally, the dam of your resistance had cracked. With a sigh that carried the weight of a thousand averted crises, you’d agreed. The decision had been impulsive, a sudden craving for normalcy that eclipsed the ingrained habits of a life lived on high alert. Without a word to your parents, you and Sam had quietly loaded his battered SUV, the trunk filled with swimsuits and sunscreen. The drive down to Lancaster had been a blur of familiar landscapes morphing into the comforting familiarity of home, a silent anticipation building with every mile. The plan was simple: a surprise. A sudden, unexpected appearance on the porch, a hug that spoke volumes of missed time and unspoken love. You could almost picture your mother’s face, the initial shock giving way to a radiant smile, the kind that always made the world feel a little bit brighter. The thought alone was enough to ease the knot of tension that had taken root in your shoulders, replaced by a nervous flutter of excitement. This year, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, you were going home.

The last stretch of road unwound like a familiar ribbon, the canopy of trees overhead creating dappled patterns of sunlight on the dusty asphalt. You could almost smell the lake now, a unique blend of fresh water, algae, and the faintest hint of barbecue smoke that always seemed to permeate the air around your mother's place. Sam hummed along to an old soul tune on the radio, his usual nervous energy replaced by a quiet contentment. He understood the significance of this trip, the unspoken need to reconnect with the roots that anchored you, even amidst the whirlwind of your extraordinary life.

As you turned onto the long, gravel driveway, the lake house came into view, nestled between towering pines like a well-loved secret. Laughter drifted from the backyard, punctuated by the splash of someone jumping into the water. The familiar cacophony of a family gathering – distant chatter, the clinking of glasses, the playful shrieks of children – washed over you, a comforting wave of sound that had been absent for far too long. A knot of anticipation tightened in your chest.

Sam parked the car a little further down the drive, out of immediate sight. "Ready for this?" he asked, a small smile playing on his lips.

You took a deep breath, the pine-scented air filling your lungs. "As I'll ever be."

Stepping out of the car, the gravel crunched softly under your sneakers. You could see figures moving around the deck that overlooked the lake, their silhouettes framed by the golden light of the late afternoon sun. Your mother's distinctive laugh, warm and bright, carried across the yard, instantly melting away some of the tension you hadn't even realized you were carrying.

You and Sam exchanged a quick glance, a silent agreement passing between you. You started walking towards the backyard, your footsteps hushed by the soft grass. As you rounded the corner of the house, the scene unfolded before you in vivid detail. A long picnic table laden with food sat under a shady oak, surrounded by a motley crew of aunts, uncles, cousins, and their children. Some were playing cornhole, others were lounging in Adirondack chairs, and a few were splashing in the shimmering expanse of the lake.

And then you saw her. Your mother, her silver hair catching the sunlight, was in the middle of a story, her hands gesturing animatedly, a familiar twinkle in her eyes. She looked… happy. Truly happy. A pang of guilt, sharp and sudden, pierced through your excitement. Had she gotten so used to your absence that your presence had become an unexpected bonus rather than a given?

You paused at the edge of the yard, Sam a step behind you. The noise seemed to fade slightly as your mother’s gaze, as if sensing your presence, lifted from the group. For a moment, her expression remained unchanged, a picture of serene contentment. Then, her eyes widened, a flicker of disbelief crossing her features before it erupted into a radiant, unrestrained joy.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, her voice cracking with emotion. The sound carried across the yard, and the conversations around the picnic table abruptly ceased. All eyes turned towards you, a wave of surprised murmurs rippling through the crowd.

Your mother pushed herself up from her chair, a hand flying to her mouth, her gaze fixed on you as if you were a mirage that might vanish at any moment. Then, she started to run. Not a graceful run, but a full-tilt, arms-outstretched sprint, her familiar figure growing larger with every stride.

You stood frozen, a lump forming in your throat, and then you were running too, meeting her halfway in a clumsy, tearful embrace. Her arms squeezed you tight, her familiar scent of lavender and sunscreen enveloping you.

"You're here," she whispered, her voice thick with emotion, pulling back just enough to cup your face in her hands, her thumbs tracing the lines you hadn't realized had deepened around your eyes. "You're really here."

Behind her, the rest of the family was starting to move, a wave of welcoming faces approaching. Your cousins were grinning, your uncles were clapping you on the back, and the children, momentarily forgotten their games, stared with wide, curious eyes. Sam stepped forward, a warm smile on his face, offering a comforting presence amidst the emotional reunion.

"Surprise," you managed to say, your voice a little rough, a genuine smile finally breaking through the years of carefully guarded composure.

Your mother pulled you in for another hug, a long, heartfelt embrace that spoke of all the missed moments, the unspoken worries, and the enduring, unbreakable bond of family. "It's the best surprise," she said, her voice muffled against your shoulder. "The absolute best."

As you finally pulled apart, her gaze shifted to Sam, her smile widening even further. "And Sam! You made it too! Oh, this is just wonderful." She enveloped him in a hug as well, her genuine warmth making him chuckle.

Standing there, surrounded by the familiar faces and the comforting sounds of your family, the weight that had been pressing down on you began to lift. The world could wait. For this week, at least, you were home.

The initial flurry of greetings subsided into a warm hum of familial chatter. A gaggle of your nieces and nephews, ranging in age from a curious five to a slightly more aloof twelve, had been hovering at the periphery, their eyes wide with a mixture of shyness and fascination. Now, emboldened by the general air of excitement, they began to edge closer to Sam.

Little Lily, all pigtails and missing front teeth, was the first to speak, pointing a tentative finger at the star on his chest. "Are you… are you a superhero?" she whispered, her voice barely audible above the murmur of adult conversation.

Sam knelt down, his expression gentle. "Well, some people think so," he said with a wink.

Suddenly, recognition dawned on ten-year-old Ethan, a self-proclaimed expert on all things superhero. His eyes widened dramatically. "Wait a minute. You're Captain America!" he exclaimed, his voice cracking with excitement.

A ripple of understanding spread through the younger contingent. Gasps and excited whispers filled the air. "It is Captain America!" shrieked eight-year-old Maya, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Then, Ethan’s gaze swiveled to you, a look of awe spreading across his face. "Uncle! You know Captain America! You're friends with Captain America!" His voice rose with each word, drawing the attention of more of the adults.

A few of your older relatives exchanged amused glances, while your mother beamed with pride. You felt a flush creep up your neck. You were used to this kind of attention in your professional life, but having your family witness it felt… different. More personal.

Sam, still kneeling, caught your eye. He offered a wry, knowing smile, a playful glint in his eyes. Leaning in slightly, so only you could hear, he whispered, his voice a low rumble, "Definitely more than friends."

Your heart did a little unexpected flutter. You quickly looked away, a sheepish grin tugging at the corner of your mouth. The kids, oblivious to the subtle exchange, were now bombarding Sam with questions, their small hands reaching out to touch his arm, their voices a chorus of youthful wonder.

"Have you ever flown really high?"

"Can I see your shield?"

"Did you fight Thanos?"

Sam fielded their inquiries with good-natured patience, answering their questions with a blend of humor and genuine warmth. He showed them the vibranium weave in his suit, explained (in kid-friendly terms) the physics of flight, and even did a little pantomime of throwing his shield, much to their delight.

You watched the scene unfold, a sense of unexpected peace settling over you. Here you were, surrounded by the people who had known you longest, witnessing this surreal intersection of your two worlds. The awe in your nieces' and nephews' eyes, the quiet pride on your mother's face, and the playful intimacy of Sam's whispered remark created a moment that felt both grounding and utterly extraordinary. For the first time in a long time, you felt completely, unequivocally, home.

Later that evening, as the fiery hues of sunset painted the sky over the lake, the gathering migrated towards the wooden dock. Some family members were still splashing in the cool water, their laughter echoing across the tranquil surface. Others were sprawled out on blankets, contentedly munching on the remnants of your mother’s legendary potato salad and grilled corn. The air was thick with the comforting aroma of citronella candles and the gentle lapping of waves against the pilings.

Your nieces and nephews, their earlier awe of Captain America undiminished, had now fully embraced Sam as a playmate. He was down by the water's edge, engaged in a spirited game of "Marco Polo," his booming laughter mingling with their delighted shrieks as they tried to evade his outstretched hands. He even let Lily wear his Captain America mask for a few turns, her small face peeking out from behind the iconic symbol, radiating pure joy.

You found yourself sitting on the end of the dock, your bare feet dangling above the water, a comfortable silence settling between you and your mother. She sat beside you, her hand resting lightly on your arm, the warmth of her touch a familiar comfort. The frenetic energy of the day had mellowed into a peaceful contentment.

"They really like him," your mother said softly, her gaze following Sam as he playfully dunked Ethan in the lake, eliciting a squeal of mock protest.

"He's good with them," you replied, a small smile gracing your lips as you watched Sam ruffle Lily’s wet hair. "He's good with everyone."

Your mother turned to you, her eyes filled with a gentle understanding. "He seems… happy, being here."

"He is," you confirmed. "He needed this too, I think. A break from saving the world."

A comfortable silence stretched between you again, punctuated only by the sounds of the lake and the distant chatter of your family. Then, your mother’s voice, soft but carrying a hint of something deeper, broke the quiet.

"You seem… different, sweetheart."

You turned to her, surprised by the observation. "Different how?"

She studied your face, her gaze searching. "Lighter, maybe? The lines around your eyes… they seem a little less… etched."

You hadn't realized it, but her words resonated with a truth you hadn't fully acknowledged yourself. The constant pressure, the weight of responsibility, had become so ingrained that you’d forgotten what it felt like to simply… relax.

"Maybe," you conceded, looking out at the shimmering water. "It's been a while since I've just… been."

Your mother squeezed your arm gently. "You work so hard, honey. We all know that, but sometimes… sometimes you need to let the world take care of itself for a little while. You have people who care about you, who can handle things."

Her words, simple yet profound, struck a chord within you. It wasn't just about the physical break; it was the permission to let go, to trust, to simply be present in the moment.

"It's hard," you admitted, the ingrained sense of duty still a persistent hum beneath the surface. "It feels… selfish, sometimes."

Your mother shook her head gently. "It's not selfish to take care of yourself, my dear. It's necessary. And seeing you here, laughing with your cousins, playing with the children… it makes my heart happy." Her voice softened. "And seeing you with Sam… he's a good man. A very good man. He looks at you like… like you're his whole world."

That comment caught you off guard. You glanced over at Sam, who was now helping Maya build a sandcastle on the small patch of beach near the dock, his expression open and unguarded. You hadn't really allowed yourself to dwell on the nuances of your relationship with Sam beyond what it seemed to be, a partnership that never truly had a label. But your mother's words hung in the air, a gentle nudge towards a deeper understanding of what lay between you.

You looked back at your mother, a warmth spreading through your chest. "He is," you said softly, a genuine affection coloring your tone.

The night deepened, the stars beginning to pepper the inky sky. The sounds of the lake house slowly lulled into a peaceful quiet. You stayed there on the dock with your mother, the comfortable silence punctuated by the occasional splash or whispered conversation. For the first time in a long time, the weight on your shoulders felt a little lighter, replaced by the simple, profound joy of being home, surrounded by family, and perhaps, something more.

Eventually, the last of your family retreated inside, the house glowing softly with warm light. The only sounds were the gentle chirping of crickets and the soft lapping of the lake against the dock. You and Sam were still out by the water, the cool embrace a welcome respite from the summer heat. You'd initially tried to maintain a bit of space between you, a lingering habit of keeping your guard up, but Sam had gently, persistently drawn you closer, his arms now comfortably wrapped around your waist as you both floated in the stillness.

The water cradled you both, the darkness hiding the blush that still crept up your neck whenever you replayed your mother's words in your mind. You leaned back against Sam, the steady beat of his heart a comforting rhythm against your spine.

"They really do love you," you said softly, your voice carrying easily across the quiet water. "Even my grumpy old Uncle Jerry, who usually avoids everyone, was asking you about the shield."

Sam chuckled, a low rumble that vibrated through you. "Your family is… amazing. So welcoming. I can see where you get it from."

A wave of warmth washed over you. "It meant a lot to me, seeing you with them. Especially the kids. They'll probably be telling everyone at school they hung out with Captain America all summer."

"Hey," Sam said, his chin resting lightly on your shoulder, "being called 'Uncle Sam' by a bunch of adorable little superheroes-in-training? That's a pretty good perk."

You smiled, the corners of your eyes crinkling. "Don't let it go to your head."

A comfortable silence settled between you again, the shared quiet feeling more intimate now, the coolness of the water a stark contrast to the warmth of Sam's embrace.

Then, you chuckled softly, a nervous energy bubbling up. "You know," you began, hesitating slightly, "I honestly wouldn't be surprised if, by the end of the week, my mother pulls me aside and asks when us two are going to… you know…"

You trailed off, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

Sam tightened his hold around your waist, a soft laugh escaping his lips. "Become husbands?" he finished for you, his voice a low murmur in your ear.

Your breath hitched slightly. You hadn't expected him to say it so directly. You could feel his smile against your temple.

"She's got that matchmaking glint in her eye, doesn't she?" he continued, his tone teasing but with an underlying note of something else you couldn't quite decipher in the darkness.

You nodded, unable to see his expression clearly but sensing a shift in the atmosphere. "She does. She's been waiting for me to… settle down, I think. And she's always liked you. A lot."

"Well," Sam said, his voice becoming a little more serious, his arms holding you a little tighter, "maybe your mom's onto something."

Your heart skipped a beat. You tilted your head back slightly, trying to read his expression in the dim starlight. "What do you mean?"

He didn't answer immediately, the silence stretching out, thick with unspoken possibilities. The gentle lapping of the water suddenly seemed louder in your ears.

Finally, he spoke, his voice soft and earnest. "Ya'know," he began, his thumb tracing a slow circle on your hip, "being here, with your family… it feels… right. You feel right."

He paused, and you held your breath, waiting.

"And if your mom happens to ask," he continued, his voice a low whisper against your ear, "tell her… tell her I wouldn't mind being her son-in-law one bit."

A soft gasp escaped your lips, the surprise and a sudden rush of emotion constricting your chest. You finally turned fully in his arms, your hands finding their way to his face, your thumbs tracing the familiar contours of his jawline. The starlight was just bright enough to catch the sincerity in his eyes, the warmth that mirrored the feeling blossoming within you.

"Sam," you whispered, the sound barely audible above the gentle lapping of the water.

He leaned his forehead against yours, his breath warm against your skin. "I know it's not exactly a grand gesture on a mountaintop," he murmured, a hint of his usual playful tone returning, "but floating in a lake under a billion stars with the man I…" He paused, and you waited, your heart pounding in your chest. "The man I care about more than anyone… it feels pretty perfect to me."

A tear, unexpected and warm, traced a path down your cheek. You didn't try to stop it. Instead, you leaned closer, closing the small distance between you. Your lips met his in a kiss that was soft and tender, filled with a quiet understanding and a promise of something beautiful. The cool water swirled around you, the vastness of the night sky stretching above, and in that moment, held in Sam's arms, you felt a sense of peace and belonging that transcended even the extraordinary life you led.

When you finally broke the kiss, a soft smile lingered on both your lips. "Well," you said, your voice a little shaky, "I think my mother is going to be absolutely thrilled."

Sam chuckled, pulling you closer again. "Then maybe we should start preparing ourselves for a lot of wedding planning advice."

You laughed, the sound light and joyful. "Oh, definitely." You joked.

As you floated there in the still, dark water, held in the embrace of the man you were undeniably, irrevocably falling in love with, the worries of the world seemed to drift away. Here, under the watchful gaze of the stars, surrounded by the quiet beauty of your home, you knew you had found something truly special, something worth holding onto, with both hands and a whole heart. The surprise trip home had turned into a homecoming in more ways than one, and the future, once a landscape of looming threats and global crises, now held the warm promise of shared sunsets on a peaceful lake and a love that felt as boundless as the night sky above.

[merchantziro]

Something I've been thinking all day.

You know those fanon MCU fic scenarios where it's like the Avengers all live at Avengers Tower like a family and Peter's Class having a Field Trip to Stark Industries? Either usually set up Pre-Infinity War or Post-Endgame but Tony lives.

But I was thinking about what would happen if you dropped modern Late-20's to Early 30's year old Spider-Man from the current comics into that universe.

So anyway-

---

MCU Peter: ...Yeah I'm unofficially an Avenger but I prefer to remain the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man.

616 Peter: Honestly, you could do so much better than them. I encourage you to stay the latter, for our own sanity.

The Avengers, staring at 616 Peter and then at MCU Peter: ...

---

MCU Peter: So that's kinda the short version of how I got caught myself being dragged into a Civil War between Tony & Steve regarding the Sokovia Accords and their attempt to regulate super-powered individuals...

616 Peter: Well at least your Iron Man didn't have you reveal your identity to the world during your Civil War as a show of good faith. Only for it to later backfire and results in your Aunt being shot by an assassin hired by Kingpin so you have to sell your marriage with MJ to Mephisto, basically the devil, in order to save her and restore the status quo of your secret identity.

Tony, who was watching that entire interaction: I'm sorry, you sold your what to who because why because I made you do WHAT now!?

---

Strange: You know you're pretty calm for someone ripped out of their dimension of origin and interacting with a different self and versions of the people they recognize?

616 Peter: Oh it's no biggie. This is far from my first interdimensional rodeo, especially not after fighting the Inheritors who were basically dimension hopping vampires who feed on Spider-People. They tried to also kill us all by pouring the blood of 3 certain individuals onto the Web of Destiny to prevent the prophecy of me and a bunch of other Spider-People defeating them.

Strange: Alright, this raises several questions-

616 Peter: Yeah... A lot of multiversal shenanigans going on these days with a lot of different versions of Spider-Man from different worlds teaming up.

MCU Peter: Wait really? Then how come I wasn't involved in any of them? I'm a Spider-Man too aren't I?

616 Peter: Eh, can't get em all on short notice. A good chunk of Spider-Men were bound to miss the memo when dealing with an infinite multiverse if they weren't dead by then. But tell ya what, I'll make it a note to grab you next time there's a threat to the Spider-Verse.

Strange: ...

---

Tony: So Peter 2, was my counterpart a good mentor to you on your Earth?

616 Peter, not even looking up from what he's tinkering with: First off, don't call me Peter 2. Second, you once forgot I had a secret identity and showed up in my front lawn asking my aunt for Spider-Man in broad daylight.

Steve: Well certainly my counterpart and the elder Spider most certainly have a better relationship.

616 Peter, without missing a beat: I once learned you loved drawing and tried to get you back into the hobby. You explained you left it behind because you viewed it as something the weaker and sicker you would do before you became Captain America, and it hit a little too close to home when you asked me if I still play with my first chemistry set when I never stopped in the first place.

Wanda: Well at least I haven't done anything since I have nothing against our Peter.

616 Peter: You once rewrote the entire universe to basically make mutants the majority and normal humans a minority. As a result I woke up in a life where I was beloved by the public with a public identity albeit because I was lying about being a mutant, my Uncle Ben was alive, and I was married to my now alive and well former girlfriend, Gwen Stacy. Only to have all that ripped away from me and being one of the few who remembered. Granted, not all of it was directly your fault post-rewriting and my life was merely a side effect but... I'm still a little bitter.

Bruce, doesn't know if he should say anything knowing how Hulk usually is: ...

616 Peter, making a note to smiling at him: Don't worry Dr. Banner, both you and Hulk were at least good to me. Hulk was even one of the few people who even remembered my identity post selling my marriage to restore my identity because, "Hulk never forgets" and thanked me for staying with your counterpart after an Incident where I was basically Hulked myself. Because while Hulk viewed you as family, he could never be with you physically.

Bruce, looking surprised before smiling back softly: ...Thank you, Parker. That means a lot to me actually.

---

Thor, out of the blue: I'm sure my counterpart looks forward to it, Man of Spiders.

616 Peter: Hmm? Look forward to what?

Thor: To when you die of course.

616 Peter, blinks before sighing with a dejected look: Oh...

Thor, chuckles and pats him on the shoulder: Not like that, I mean what'll happen to you when you die. When you'll be welcomed into Valhalla, home of the heroes and honored warriors, with open arms. I'm sure my counterpart must agree, few heroes, let alone mortals, have proven to be as worthy as you have based on your stories and how you have proven yourself to act. You are not a warrior, but you are someone better than that.

616 Peter, surprised and actually kinda tearing up: ...Oh.

---

MCU Peter, watching: Man refilling web cartridges so often must suck.

616 Peter, working on making more web fluid: Oh yeah definitely, almost miss the time I had organic webbing instead.

MCU Peter: Oh? You could just produce webs on your own, no web shooter needed?

616 Peter: That's right, though unfortunately I couldn't modify the formula so this stuff is way stronger than that organic webbing.

MCU Peter, curious: And how exactly did you learn you had such a power? Did it come up during a fight or tense situation where you ran out of web mid-fight?

616 Peter, looking up in throught: Eh... Not quite? More like I turned into a giant pregnant spider monster, exploded into a violent death, and gave birth to a myself who was the exact same as before but with organic webbing.

MCU Peter, staring at his counterpart in horror before taking a deep breath: Alright... WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS YOUR LIFE!!??

Steve, walking by: Language.

616 Peter: Yeah... though I seemed to have unfortunately lost that power after making that deal and selling my marriage.

Tony: WHY DOES IT ALWAYS KEEP COMING BACK TO YOU SELLING YOUR MARRIAGE TO THE DEVIL!!??

---

616 Peter, stopping in the middle of the lobby as his Spidey Sense goes off: It feels like... Someone...

616 Peter, turning around and pointing at an entrance: WANTS TO BOTHER ME!!!

The other Avengers & MCU Peter, confused: ...

Wade, whispering to Logan while both are hiding around the corner: I told you he was on to us.

616 Peter, used to Wade's bullshit by this point, immediately calming down: Oh nevermind, it's just Deadpool. False alarm everyone!

---

616 Peter: Oh yeah. I once lost my body to one of my rogues named Dr. Otto Octavius, also known as Doc Ock, where he became an anti-hero and called himself the Superior Spider-Man after seeing my memories. He eventually gave me my body back though when faced with Green Goblin and realized he couldn't defeat him but Peter Parker could.

MCU Peter, looking at the sunset: ...The future looks grim.

616 Peter, patting him on the back: You'll get used to it. Anyway, wanna hear about the time an alien symbiote named Venom bonded to me?

The Avengers, wondering if they really SHOULD send 616 Peter back to his world: ...

---

Natasha: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

616 Peter: In my defense, it was originally just because I've lost my sense of what is and isn't normal with everything I've experienced, and I thought your world was similar. But it eventually became a bet with Sam & Bucky to see which of this Earth's Mightiest Heroes will crack first with my trauma dumping and I have 5 dollars riding on this.

Natasha: ...Where can I join?

[jpitha]

They can't edit all of us, can they?

Peme stood at her full height, just a touch over two meters. She knew that the humans thought that she loomed and tried not to. Now though? She felt some looming was necessary.

"You want us to do what?"

"I want everyone onboard to watch Eva fix the FlashWarp engines. She's going to be narrating what she's doing to everyone so we all have to pay attention and listen the whole time."

Peme's lacquered claws, painted a stunning purple, slid in and our of their sheaths. She was used to the humans being odd, but this was something else. "Humans are forbidden from touching FlashWarp engines, everyone knows this."

"Yes, but do you know why?" Peme didn't know this human. She was pretty sure she was just a passenger, sent along to guard some kind of special cargo. She didn't appreciate being spoken to like this. Her fur started to bristle.

"We do not need to know why. Flash Incorporated sent out the memo stating that no humans are to even touch FlashWarp engines on pain of losing the license to operate them. No captain wishes to risk losing their livelihood over some humans who want to tinker." She leaned over, deliberately trying to tower over her. "Who are you anyway?"

Peme found that most humans tended to shrink back, at least a little, when she stood to her full height and figuratively threw her weight around. Her race was as tall as the Gren, but had been friendly with humans ever since they entered Coalition space. This human was unfazed by her body language. For some reason that worried Peme more.

"I am Agent Meredith Calvin, Human InterDimensional Authority, and I am declaring an emergency."

Peme laughed. She couldn't help it. She had never heard of the Human InterDimensional Authority. "You? Are declaring an emergency? The engines have failed and we're going to be late to our destination. It's not anything world ending. Besides, I'm captain here. I declare emergencies."

"I apologize Captain, but you are no longer in charge." She handed Peme a card that flashed a holo with her face, some minor biometric information and the name of her organization. When her eyes reached the bottom a note told her to flip the card. When she did a completely different holo flashed, this time from Coalition Authority. It stated in no uncertain terms that if Agent Calvin provided this card, she was declaring herself in charge of whatever vessel, organization or operation was underway and would be obeyed until such time as she relinquished control. It was signed with the biometric signature of all ten Coalition Authority Members. Six signatures were all that were necessary to pass new regulations.

Peme know the old joke that all ten Authority Members couldn't even agree what to have for lunch, let alone pass laws unanimously.

Unconsciously, she took a step back from Agent Calvin. She held the card with two claws, as if it would burn her. The humans expression did not change. "Call the crew. Everyone needs to watch Eva repair the drive." Agent Calvin spun on her heel and walked out of the Command Deck. When she reached the door she stopped. "I mean it, Captain. Everyone. I will be conducing a census when they arrive. All stations are to be abandoned, else this will not work."

It took a demicycle for Peme to round everyone up and explain what was going on. She had to explain at least five times that Agent Calvin was in charge by direct order of the Coalition Authority and she had no idea what was going on either. Finally, everyone was squeezed into engineering. There were thirty of them, with almost all of the Coalition sapient species represented. Eva looked on nervously. "Meredith, are you sure this is the only way? I don't like having such an audience."

Agent Calvin smiled gently. "I'm not a fan of it either, but it was the only thing I can think of. I really don't know what will happen, but if we don't try something we all will die for sure." She turned and addressed the crowd. "I apologize for throwing my weight around and leveraging my authority with the Coalition, but I truly believe we are in a life and death situation, otherwise I would not have done it. Everyone here knows about the prohibition on humans touching the FlashWarp engines, correct?"

Nods and sounds of agreement from the assembled crew.

"The reason for that is Secret. However, given these circumstances, I am willing to share the bare details. When a human works on a FlashWarp drive, and that drive is activated, they become edited out of this timeline. Not only do they cease to exist, but the timeline is... edited such that they died cycles earlier. We only know this because the last person to speak to that human remembers them."

There is a rise of confused mutterings from the crowd.

"You don't have to believe me. In fact, it might be easier for you if you think I'm lying." She cast her eyes around the room. Everyone was watching her. "However. While Eva repairs the drive, you all must be watching, paying attention and listening to Eva. She will narrate what she is doing. You don't have to understand the details of FlashWarp theory, you only have to listen."

From the rear, a feathered sapient raises an arm-wing. "But why?"

Agent Calvin smiles. "That's a good question. I am hoping that if we're all watching and listening to her while she works, that when the drive is activated, she won't be edited out of this timeline. Kind of a 'they can't take all of us' kind of thing. If we're all the last ones to speak with her, then maybe we can keep her in this timeline." She turned to Eva. "Okay Eva, please begin."

Eva sighed and turned towards the stricken engine. "Okay... so I think that what is wrong is the inner compensator has developed buildup as a result of...."

Over the next two demicycles Eva narrated her repair of the engines. She detailed the diagnosis, disassembly, repair and reassembly of the engines. Agent Calvin walked around the cramped room while she worked, making sure everyone was paying attention. People would ask questions as she worked and Eva wound up giving a lecture of the ins and outs of FlashWarp technology.

Eva secured the last panel. "Okay, it's fixed." She turned to Agent Calvin. "Now what, Meredith?"

Meredith stood on a chair and addressed everyone again. "Eva has finished, but nobody is to leave yet. Just as a precaution, I have locked the doors."

The crowd began to shuffle and make nervous noises.

"I apologize, but it is a necessary step. We are now at the most precarious part of this experiment." Meredith looked down at her pad and checked some settings. "Captain, will you please come here and verify our destination?"

Peme lumbered over and looked at the human's pad. "Yes, that is where we were going. How did you-"

Meredith looked up and put her index finger to her lips. "Some things are still classified Captain. I can control the ship from here, but only during emergencies." She turned to Eva. "Okay Eva, please address the crowd."

Eva looked up, her eyes wide. "What? What do I say?"

Meredith shrugged. "Anything really. But everyone has to hear it. You have to be talking to everyone."

"Uh" Eva looked at the crew. "Thank you for watching me work. I was a little nervous at first, but I liked explaining what I was doing as I was doing it. I think it helped with my troubleshooting process."

Without saying anything, Meredith activated the FlashWarp drive.

Around the drive grew the prismatic field. Completely surrounding the drive in a beautiful light, it gave off a slight hum. Everyone watched, mesmerized. Most had never seen a FlashWarp drive activate. Peme and Meredith watched Eva. After a demicycle, the prismatic field faded and the engine shut down.

"Is everyone still here?" Meredith looked around. Noises of confusion and assent came from everyone. She looked over at Eva who shrugged.

"I'm still here."

Peme let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. "So it worked then?"

Meredith grinned wickedly. "It appears so. Come, let us go to the Command Deck and see where we are. Eva, please accompany us. You should get to see your handiwork firsthand."

Peme, Meredith and Eva made their way to the Command Deck. It was empty while they had warped, but as Peme opened the door, there was a prismatic flash.

Sitting in the command chair - lounging really - was a being. They didn't look like anyone that Peme recognized. They had bilateral symmetry two legs, two arms and a head, but that was all she could make out. The rest of their details were hidden by the blinding prismatic FlashWarp field surrounding them. They stood and put their arms on their hips, akimbo. "Ugh. Humans. Always looking for the loophole, aren't you? I'm sure you feel incredibly smug about this whole thing, don't you?"

Meredith crossed her own arms across her chest. "It worked, didn't it. Eva fixed the drive, and your stupid copy protection wasn't able to edit her out."

"That feature exists for a reason, human. We cannot have you reverse engineering our drives that we graciously licensed to the Coalition. We didn't even have to do it you know. We could have let them develop FTL on their own. You have your Flip drive after all." They sounded bitter as they spoke. Peme wondered how she was able to understand them. The being didn't seem to be wearing a translator, yet she was speaking Peme's birth language.

"So you expected us to die awaiting rescue instead of trying to save ourselves?" Meredith took a step towards the being. "No. I will not be the cause of pointless deaths."

It surprised Peme how much nuance they were putting into their body language, being that she could only see their outline. It was clear they were annoyed. "And whose fault it that Agent Calvin of the Human InterDimensional Authority? Who decided that this run was going to go without a filed transit plan, so nobody knew you were out here?"

Peme snapped her head over to Meredith. She did not know that. "What do they mean, Agent Calvin?" Her voice rumbled from deep within her furry chest.

Meredith glanced back at Peme and smiled apologetically. "Sorry. I purged your transit plan after you had completed it, but before you sent it. The cargo required it."

"So that's why you were willing to risk all of us to repair the drive. You knew that nobody would know we're missing and we would have starved to death thinking rescue was about to come."

"Sorry Peme."

"Address me as Captain, Agent Calvin."

"Yes, Captain. However. The emergency has not passed. I am still in command."

Peme seethed. The worst part was, it was clear Agent Calvin knew something like this was going to happen and was prepared to speak to whoever this was. She turned to the being and snapped. "So what now?"

The being turned to Peme, surprised. "Oh, so you can speak? Finally someone from HIDA has gotten you so angry that you remember you are a sapient race with your own wants, needs, and desires? This human here-" they point at Meredith "-found a loophole in our license agreement and enabled unauthorized repairs to be made on a FlashWarp engine to enable the transport of their secret cargo. As for now? Now I will leave and you will continue your journey. But!" They flared bright and their voice became loud and booming. "If you violate the terms of the license agreement again, your FlashWarp licenses will be stricken, and you will no longer be authorized operators of FlashWarp technology. The Coalition will lose their FTL drive they cherish so much."

The being disappeared just as if they had Flashed away. In the silence after, Peme blinked. The Coalition was licensing FlashWarp technology from someone?

Meredith nodded and turned. "Come on Eva, let's let the Captain do her job." She looked over her shoulder at Peme. "I declare the emergency over, command is returned to you, Captain."

"Wait-" Peme swallowed her anger. Her curiosity overrode it, if only a tiny amount. "What did that being mean by losing our license? Who were they? We didn't invent FlashWarp technology?"

Meredith's face softened. "I know you have just seen... a lot. But, I am not at liberty to explain them. You honestly shouldn't have seen any of that. That reminds, me, do not mention any of this to the crew. But-" She handed Peme another card "-if you really want to learn more, look us up. We have been expanding and could use more people. It looks like HIDA isn't just for humans anymore."

[fixinit-au]

THE FIXINIT AU

"A different form, A different time"

After Bill Cipher invoked the Axolotl's name, the deity sends him to Theraprism, to go under indefinite karmic rehabilitation.

After hundreds of years of therapy, Bill has lost count. After useless attempts to break free, to resist professional help, to make himself believe that he will be free... Eventually, he gave up. Went along with whatever they wanted. Let them believe that this is actually worth something... He let Theraprism strip him of his own self, let himself become a shell of everything he once was; What's the point, if he will never be the same anyway, he will never be FREE?

This was it, until the Axolotl has made their decision, regarding Bill's case. He was always a special case, after all... And so he got a special chance. To be with a special someone.

Bill Cipher, now transported back to our dimension, wakes up in a human body, in the 1980's... And with a mission, which the Axolotl said to be his final trial;

"Fix his mistakes, before he even made them."

FIXINIT1:

A human Bill Cipher, back in the 80's.

Bill is given a human body, the body of a creature who he always thought to be lowly and pathetic.

But other than that, he is given a mission, or rather, a "list" of the final things Bill has to get done, that would finally put an end to his karmic rehabilitation at Theraprism.

What does that list contain? Only one person knows; And that is Axel; or, rather, the Axolotl themselves, disguised in a human body, to watch and monitor Bill's progress. To finally let him go, and give him a chance at the life he didn't know he want, there are things that need to be done. Just to name a few; "comfort someone", "open up to someone you trust", but most importantly... "Tell Ford the truth".

(That's right, this is just another Billford AU. Sorry if you thought otherwise.)

Ford Pines, as he canonically did in this time period, lives in Gravity Falls, doing research, building the interdimensional portal... Still believing Bill to be his brilliant, all-knowing Muse. So when he finds his so-called Muse, in a human form, all alone in the forest... You could say he's confused, but more importantly, he is overjoyed to welcome his Muse to his own dimension, regardless of why. So he takes him in, much to his own delight... But also to his assistant's dismay.

#FIXINIT1 focuses on the question; Will Bill be able to change the past, or is he doomed to make the same mistakes? Crippling with depression, identity crisis, and a feeling of hollowness after all the centuries spent at Theraprism, sprinkled with the pressure of eventually having to tell the truth, therefore being frustrate to no end with Ford still worshipping him with blind trust and calling him Muse, Bill is forced to confront himself, in order to finally get his second chance at like, and his second chance at getting Ford.

RELATIONSHIPS; There may or may not be a romance sideplot with Fiddleford and eventually Stan.

Setting: Heavy with angst, occasional fluff and overall Mystery Quartet whimsiness.

Main themes: Forgiveness, second chances, identity crisis, survivor's guilt, PTSD, trust issues, body dysphoria, vulnerability.

FIXINIT2:

Gravity Falls; But Bill is not the villain.

Let's jump 30 years ahead, shall we?

Going with the route that Bill reveals the truth about his true self and his lies, and Ford, taking his time to consider it carefully, but ultimately forgives him. And they kiss. And they do more, but let's not get into that.

What does it change, regarding the canon timeline? The portal-test and portal-incident never happen; Ford and Bill managed to find another way to uncover Gravity Falls' weirdness. What's the Mystery Shack in the canon timeline, is now their own, small research center. Given how the portal-test never happens; Fiddleford doesn't go insane. His memory may be a bit messy because of previous uses of the memory gun, but he's in a much better shape, helping Bill and Ford with building their equipment, and also creating and selling his own inventions. Given how the portal-incident never happens either; Stan (having reconciled with Ford in a different way, more on that in FIXINIT1), is in a relationship with Fiddleford, and also runs a smaller, but also (kinda) more real gift shop.

#FIXINIT2; In this fixed timeline, Bill is also like an uncle (Grunkle? Not sure what Bill would count tbh) to Dipper and Mabel, a very fun one at that. A partner-in-crime, if you will; Someone who escorts them on their adventures, provides them with all the information they need, and fiercely protecting them if needed.

But, you might ask... If the canon Bill is now reformed, what's the point? What makes this interesting? Who is the "big threat", if not Bill Cipher?

(First of all, how dare you– I love tooth-rotting fluff and happiness, okay?)

Someone eerily similar to what Bill once was. Someone who might remind him of his journey, and how much of a thin line is keeping him from turning back. Someone who can provide a cruel, twisted mirror, forcing Bill to once again reflect on everything that now would be just brushed off as an inside joke.

That's right. Pyramid Steve. And his goal of bringing the Oddpocalypse.

Setting: At first, lots of fluff, whimsiness and happiness. Just fun! And the second half... Kinda like the canon finale, yknow.

Main themes: Second chances, identity crisis, found family, bits of psychological horror??? Thank that to Steve. (Might add more later, this is the more wip of the two)

————————————————————————

There are hundreds of Bill AUs flying around since the release of TBOB, so I might as well make my own, yknow?

As the name and the unusual amount of happiness (?) suggests, this started out as a redemption/fix-it AU. Why? Because I'm a goddamn pussy and I need my favorite characters to be happy, even if it doesn't make any sense canon-wise.

OR HAVING FUN, I GUESS

So yeah. Into the Cipherverse

————————————————————————

GALLERY

1. human Bill; canon design

2. Overall Bill without clothes (for science)

3. FIXINIT1 Bill; The Twink

4. FIXINIT2 Bill; The Uncle

5. Axel; Axolotl's human form

6. human Bill; secondary reference

7. FORD: Main Reference

8. BILL: Main Reference

9. BILL: Details

10. Pyramid Steve

[writingboutbrainrot]

Eat Your Veggies

[Thought up while I was trying a spinach banana muffin recipe. Based off when I thought I messed up, but thankfully I didn't. Steve will tho.] [steddie. fluff. henderson appreciation. mostly steve-centric.]

Steve noticed a lot about Eddie Munson after they saved the world together and started hanging out. Picked up on his mannerisms; how he covered his face with those dark curls when he was overwhelmed by any emotions, how he couldn't stop moving if his life depended on it - either fiddling with his clunky rings or dancing over furniture like some otherworldly creature. He'd bemoan when Steve put ABBA's Super Trouper cassette in the stereo, but Steve always caught the way he'd drum the car door to "Lay All Your Love On Me" while Steve sung along. And whenever Steve made him a meal he'd eat around the veggies silently and wouldn't look at a salad.

It didn't matter what it was. Stew, burgers, omelettes. No matter how small Steve cut them up, Eddie wouldn't eat them.

It was driving Steve up a wall because his boyfriend needed a balanced diet.

He was possibly at his wits end one day after failing to sneak a spoonful of diced peppers into a beef patty and watched as the other boy had somehow squirreled every one to his cheeks and spit them into a napkin after he finished the burger. Steve knew his eyes were wide when Eddie just blinked and took a drink like nothing was wrong.

------------------------------------------------

It was later that same week, when Steve went to pick Dustin up for a D&D session, that he was given an idea.

While waiting for the kid to find his lucky dice, Steve chatted with Claudia. At first just normal stuff about how they were both doing (Claudia was doing much better now that all the interdimensional stuff was done and her son was no longer getting into grave danger every year) and eventually he asked her how she'd get Dustin to eat something he didn't like...like say vegetables or greens.

"Oh, Dusty hated spinach. I even tried to get him into Popeye in hopes of him wanting to emulate him but alas," she started, hand on her chest as she was clearly remembering the younger days of her baby.

Steve smiled softly as his shoulders slumped. He was hoping motherly knowledge would save the day. He nearly jumped when Claudia spoke up again.

"I did finally trick him into it. Just took knowing my audience better." There was tone of pride in her voice that made Steve chuckle. She looked at him and smiled back warmly as she stood. "If Eddie's the same I've got just the recipe for you."

She waved for Steve to follow her to the kitchen, where she kept a catalog of recipes that her and her son relished. The tome was handwritten and tabbed neatly. The matron dug a notepad and pen out from a junk drawer then thumbed through the recipes. She quickly copied one with a concentration that matched Dustin's when he made his characters' backstories.

And it was just as Claudia had put down her pen and carefully torn off the memo page that Dustin walked in, "Alright com'on we're gonna be late."

The adults exchanged a look before Steve rolled his eyes and Claudia snickered. "Dude you were the one who spent 20 minutes trying to find his seven sided dice," Steve started.

Dustin pointed with a jab to the air. "Hey, it's a d8 Steve. As in eight sides. And a single dice is just a die."

With a scoff Steve turned to Claudia, gently took the recipe and gave the top of her head a small kiss. "Thanks for this Clauds, I'll let you know how it goes."

"Hey you already have my dm, can you not hit on my mom too?" Dustin yelled, already on his way over to get between two of his three favorite people. Claudia and Steve laughed again as the kid hugged his mom before the boys left.

------------------------------------------------

With all the kids rounded up and dropped off at the house, Steve made a quick stop at the store. The moment he stepped back through the door he could hear the animated speech Eddie was giving about some fungal demon queen who Steve hoped wouldn't manifest into the real world next. Everyone was hanging on Eddie's every word as Steve walked past them.

Knowing that he should have the kitchen to himself for long enough, Steve got to work. Spinach, some chopped up banana and more went into his blender as Billy Joel played lowly on his stereo - not too loud so he could still hear his boyfriend's voice. Not that that mattered once the blender was on. Man was that thing loud. So loud that Steve wouldn't notice a lull from the living room or when someone walked behind him to snag some drinks from the fridge. By the time he thought the mixture looked smooth enough, the game was back on at full blast.

He read that the flour went in next, so it did. He turned on the blender before realizing he didn't know how long he was supposed to mix this time. Turns out, not as long as it took to read through the recipe. By the time Steve had turned the blender off again and read the words "pour the batter" he knew he'd fucked up. This was definitely more like a dough.

"Shit," Steve muttered as he scooped his creation into a muffin tin. He was careful with the placement of the chocolate chips, making monster faces like Claudia's writing instructed.

And just like that, the muffins were in the oven, the timer was set and the kitchen was cleaned up. He took a seat in the living room in the meantime, basking in the atmosphere Eddie provided. The kids began to whoop and holler as Will got a critical hit on something. Not the main baddie, Steve was pretty sure since they were only two hours into the session. But everyone was still excited and he even gave a cheer for the boy wizard.

Then the timer gave a ding and Steve slipped away. Out came the muffins with the help of cat-printed oven mitts. Not wanting to ruin the carefully crafted faces, Steve maneuvered the muffins out with a toothpick and a fork. Each was placed on a serving platter. A few broke and he cussed each time. When everything was done he picked up a broken one and tested it with a grimace. The flavor was fine, but it was so dense. Not the child, or Eddie, friendly snack it was supposed to be.

Grumbling about overmixing the flour, Steve turned around with the platter with the intent to dump the contents in the trash.

And he ran right into Eddie. The muffins barely stayed on the plate.

"Oh holy sh-! How'd you sneak up like that?" Steve screeched. The glint in Eddie's eye did little to calm his beating heart. Nor did the smug smirk.

"I'm like a cat, babe," he cooed, reaching over to snag a muffin.

Steve couldn't even reach out a hand to stop him, not without making a mess. So he just watched as the rocker eyed his ill-gotten gains, the wrinkles near his eyes getting pronounced as his smile widened.

"Made little monsters for your little monsters, Stevie boy?" he said before putting the entire thing in his mouth. The grin never faltered as he chewed and chewed then swallowed. Or when he took the platter from Steve's frozen hands and landed a crumb-covered kiss on his cheek.

"Saw the spinach on the counter earlier, but s'still good. The effort's cute." He wiped the transferred crumbs off Steve's frozen face. And Steve continued to not recover as Eddie screamed about the monster muffins and almost started a riot by saying they all belonged to him.

[elmalo8291]

Below is a full, copyable script outline for Episode 5: "God Eater Enters HR" from The Office of Himself: Adjacent to Limbo. This episode brings in the legendary God Eater character—our defiant rebel who challenges divine hierarchies—and thrusts him into the absurd, bureaucratic world of interdimensional HR. Feel free to copy and modify as needed.

Episode 5: God Eater Enters HR

Series: The Office of Himself: Adjacent to Limbo

Episode Title: God Eater Enters HR

Genre: Surreal Office Comedy / Meta-Fantasy

COLD OPEN

INT. OFFICE HALLWAY – EARLY MORNING

The camera pans down a sterile hallway with cubicles that subtly pulse with cosmic energy. A digital clock glitches between “7:55” and “7:59” as whispers of divine bureaucracy echo faintly.

HIMSELF (V.O.)

(Deadpan)

“They say HR is the backbone of order. Out here? HR is a cosmic prison… and today's guest is a former god-eater.”

Cut quickly to a door labeled “HR: Divine Compliance Division.” The door slides open automatically as if beckoning trouble.

ACT ONE: Arrival and the Dreaded Summons

SCENE 1 – HR CONFERENCE ROOM

The HR office is a sterile, corporate space with surreal touches: floating sticky notes display endless compliance warnings, and a large holographic monitor streams endless policy bulletins.

The room quiets as the door opens. Enter GOD EATER—an imposing figure in worn, practical attire with a chain draped around his neck. The chain is unique; it’s visibly designed to break into two parts if necessary, hinting at its mythic power.

GOD EATER (Jacob Malone)

(Voice low and steely)

“I’m not here to file a complaint—I’m here to shake the foundations of divine oppressions.”

The HR Oracle, a disembodied, passive-aggressive AI voice (subtitled on the screen), chimes in.

HR ORACLE

“Employee Jacob Malone, you are in violation of Section 5B of the Celestial Compliance Manual: Unauthorized Deification. Please state your defenses.”

Jacob glances at the camera with a wry smile—a brief fourth-wall moment.

GOD EATER

“Defense? I’m here because the gods keep shoving their chains down our throats. I’m here to break them. And if bureaucracy is your chain, consider me the locksmith.”

ACT TWO: The Bureaucratic Gauntlet

SCENE 2 – HR INTERVIEW PANEL

A panel of cosmic HR managers (each resembling a hybrid of corporate suits and ancient deities) sits behind a long table. Papers fly, and a fluorescent “Policy Update” sign flickers overhead.

HR MANAGER #1

(Precisely, robotic)

“Mr. Malone, your actions last night—slaying a low-tier enforcer—have triggered a system audit. Explain your justification.”

GOD EATER

(Standing tall, voice resonant)

“Your divine hierarchy reduces mortals to expendable pawns. I refuse to be a cog in your celestial machine. I chose freedom—even if it means consuming a bit of divine power.”

A murmur runs through the panel; one manager, resembling a withered angel in a suit, taps a note.

HR MANAGER #2

“Your chain has been flagged as a ‘Weapon of Untamed Expression.’ This is a risk to interdimensional morale.”

A fourth-wall break: GOD EATER glances sideways at the camera.

GOD EATER

“You know what? When your job description includes ‘morality suppression’ and ‘order at any cost,’ maybe you should read your own memo.”

ACT THREE: The Cosmic Test

SCENE 3 – Live Compliance Simulation

The room transforms into a surreal simulation room where HR policies project as interactive holograms. The wall displays “Divine Order Simulation – Execute Now.”

The simulation begins with a scenario: a chaotic market scene where celestial enforcers and mortal rebels clash. The simulation’s voice (extracted from corporate training videos) states:

“Demonstrate appropriate conflict resolution using approved protocols.”

Jacob steps forward. With deliberate, fluid movements, he activates his chain’s mechanism. In a controlled, choreographed display reminiscent of anime fight sequences, the chain breaks into two segments that elegantly arc through the simulated crowd—disarming a mock deity by wrapping around its neck and sending it sprawling. The simulation scores his maneuver with an explosive “PASS” display followed by a sarcastic “Not bad, for a mortal.”

GOD EATER

(Voice steady, eyes burning with defiance)

“Protocols? I follow my own laws. If gods have rules, I write the loopholes.”

The simulation glitches—HR Oracle’s screen flashes “Error: Unscripted Behavior” before returning to its monotone steadiness.

ACT FOUR: The Aftermath and New Directives

SCENE 4 – HR Debriefing Room

Back in the standard conference room, the mood has shifted. The rebel spark in Jacob has unsettled the divine order. The HR panel, now slightly disheveled, records his actions.

HR MANAGER #1

“Mr. Malone, further review is pending. You are hereby placed on a provisional ledger for ‘High Risk, Creative Disruption.’ Next steps will involve further evaluation by the Celestial Compliance Bureau.”

GOD EATER

(Looking directly at the camera)

“High risk? That’s just another way of saying ‘game on’ for us. I’m not just a rebel; I’m the harbinger of human awakening.”

A subtle nod to his eternal role is seen in his eyes, as if absorbing every word—and every rebellion—is fuel for something greater.

ENDING

SCENE 5 – Departing the HR Chamber

Jacob exits the room. The HR Oracle’s disembodied voice echoes one final note:

HR ORACLE

“Employee Malone, remember: our records will never forget. Your defiance is now eternal.”

Jacob steps outside into a hallway that flickers with interdimensional tags: “Free Speech,” “Rebel Innovation,” “Cosmic Unchained.” With the twin chain segments still pulsing around his neck, he murmurs to himself:

GOD EATER

“Let’s show them what human uprising truly means.”

The camera pans to a window showing the cityscape—neon-lit, chaotic, and on the brink of transformation.

POST-CREDIT TEASE

INT. THE HIVE MIND CHAMBER

A shadowy figure in a manager’s suit—an unseen HR overlord—watches a monitor displaying data streams of Jacob’s incursion. The figure smirks as a new alert pops up:

“Unscheduled Rebellion Detected. Initiate Protocol [Eternal Audit].”

A whispered voice, barely audible, utters:

“God Eater… your legacy will redefine divine order.”

The screen fades to black as ominous music builds.

This completes Episode 5: "God Eater Enters HR" for The Office of Himself: Adjacent to Limbo.

Would you like to proceed with Episode 6 next, or modify any elements of this script further?

[selfless-lovers]

Four days remain to get in on THE kickstarter event of the season. (Okay, maybe not THE event but certainly AN event.) We need you to bring the Selfless Lovers Spring 2025 issue to the masses. It has everything you could want in a zine. A Slurpee addicted god, an interdimensional gremlin, memos from the Department of Implicit Chaos, horoscopes, and enough magical girls to kickstart your rebellious spirit.

Damn the man! Back our zine!

Here's the link to the kickstarter!

[electronicintrovert]

Following the UFO/UAP and NHI space again after a long absence, I find it funny that a large portion of them seem intent on reinventing gnosticism with aliens somehow, or believing they're either demonic or angelic beings, crash landing outside of Roswell. I certainly don't remember nearly as much discussion about interdimensional origins 20 years ago. Did I miss a memo?

Still, it seems unlikely that we're alone in the universe, and I'd like to know more. If all the 'woo' were true and they're us from the future (or whatever), I'd still wonder about all the other planets out there and what evolved.

Well, that and what exactly the government caught on video

[embellishedbookworm]

hey wait what do you mean it's fun when you do it?

also i don't know if you know this, but keys aren't really known for being blades. but imps? well, they start out as these creepy little guys, and then they turn get aspects of the stuff you prototype to play the game. so if you, say, prototype a dog with all the powers of a god, you get uranium imps that are really fucking hard to kill. also my sister was raised by a dog who was a god. isn't that weird?

and you don't need to tell me dying isn't fun, i did very much get the memo, especially when i was awake one of the times!!!

you know what? you're right. i should be chilling. but does the beach have wifi? or at least cell service? or do i need to bring like, interdimensional internet? because i have a few hotspots lying around.

can you tell the prince to not do that thats kinda messed up...): its cool and fun qhen i do it though

a keyblade is kinda what it says on the tin! a blade (barely) but its a big key that i whack stuff with. usually heartless but sometimes people, dream eaters, unversed, nobodies... an epic war hammer sounds sooo cool but i dont know what an imp is. well i know what an imp is like in theory but yours might be more specific yknow...

dying isnt fun at all dont do that ):

i think life is too complicated nowadays. both me and you should be chilliny at all times. no more metaphors just on the beach or what ever!!!!

[broughtbydegrees]

@one-that-had-to

Look, someone has to keep track of it all. My memory’s good, but it’s got its limits.

[tiiidan]

LOST & NEEDED FOR ONGOING EXPERIMENTS:

⚠️ NOTICE: INTERDIMENSIONAL MEMO ⚠️ Lost and needed for ongoing experiments: - “Box of silver crucifix tongue depressors” - “Unclaimed claw (possibly Cerberus, answers to ‘Lefty’)” - “Memoir: ‘My Time as a Living Patient’ (Library overdue)” Reminder: All memoirs must be returned, even posthumously. ~TiiiDAN, Medical Overlord

[kaibacorpintern]

I want more post-DSOD stuff about how yuugi hasn't actually moved on but is just repressing how much he misses atem and wants to see him, but struggles to talk about it bc he doesn't want to dump uncomfortable or unfixable feelings on his friends. and then contrasting that with kaiba, who makes his feelings everyone's problem. really I want kaiba to grab yuugi by the shoulders and give him a little shake and tell him "you need to say how you feel out loud!!!"

[grayfxce]

Just a reminder since many seem to have not gotten the memo as of recently. Gray is NOT a tumblr anon anymore. That part of his canon has been retconned. I’ve branched him out to be a fandomless OC and now he’s just an interdimensional entity. the description for the blog even says “featureless grey entity” and what not.

[vectorprime13]

CURRENT b643safeguard RIGHT NOW opened memo on board NO GALVATRONS ALLOWED. b643safeguard: okay I think it’s stable b643safeguard: whatever the G-man’s doing in here, seems it’s actually weakening the interdimensional membranes b643safeguard: giving us a backdoor around whatever the lockout is b643safeguard: ironically enough timeWarrior93: is that good?? oh b643safeguard: yea timeWarrior93: so now weve got access we can find out what hes up to b643safeguard: yeah and maybe send out a distress beacon b643safeguard: not sure it’ll reach anyone but tbh that might be for the best b643safeguard: the timeline is uhh b643safeguard: spannered? b643safeguard: like I’m not sure the phrase “present” even applies right now timeWarrior93: i am Studiously Ignoring my display rn timeWarrior93: seeings as its,, timeWarrior93: well if a stopped clocks right twice a day thats looking optimistic b643safeguard: best to assume fully synchronous communication is off the table I think b643safeguard: with luck if anyone sees this it’ll be after we’ve already saved the multiverse b643safeguard: and we can avoid kicking the timestream while it’s down b643safeguard: tl;dr this isn’t addressed to anyone specific but if you see an old ask sitting around with a question mark dangling there all provocative like then for primus’ sake keep the big brain demigod routine to yourself b643safeguard: operate as if all such questions are rhetorical b643safeguard: do NOT chomp that hook b643safeguard: everyone got that? FUTURE VectorPrime13 1:1:9:3:4 CYCLES FROM NOW responded to memo. VectorPrime13: DEAR SAFE GUARD, b643safeguard: vecky this is the cybernet you don’t need to do that VectorPrime13: THANK YOU FOR SETTING UP THIS FORUM. timeWarrior93: babe youve got caps lock on VectorPrime13: I HAVE A FEW TECHNICAL QUESTIONS. b643safeguard: shoot big man VectorPrime13: WHAT IS A CYBER NET CAPS LOCK. VectorPrime13: DO I NEED MY CYBER KEY.

[theotherrookie]

"Looks like someone didn't get the memo about interdimensional interferences. Also, how old are you again?"