#internet of things gateway

[nepsah]

tbh if xfinity wasn't already some kind of monolith of an ISP i'm so so so so fucking sure it would crash and burn immediately lmao every time i have to interact w/the company itself its nothing but error messages and a refusal to allow me to just talk to a person

[cyanidetide]

Things I found on my first laptop that I got when I was 12.

[bhavanameti]

Virtualized Evolved Packet Core Market Projected to Reach $19.87 Billion by 2031

According to the latest publication from Meticulous Research®, the virtualized evolved packet core (vEPC) market is projected to reach $19.87 billion by 2031, growing at a CAGR of 19.3% from 2024 to 2031. This growth is driven by the significant increase in mobile data traffic volumes and the rising demand for high-speed data services. However, data security risks associated with vEPC infrastructure pose challenges to market growth.

[screwitbaby]

cybergirl

hamzahthefantastic x reader (fic)

1.0

[part 2]

summary: hamzah’s a horny freak and you’re the lucky camgirl who gets to entertain him.

contains: smut with plot, essentially

wc: 2.1k-ish

~

It's that time of the night where Hamzah has finally completed all his daily tasks and he feels a familiar twitch in his pants. As an adolescent he never understood what people meant by "thinking with your dick," but that was before he had access to myriads of internet porn at the press of a button.

It was a fateful day when he masturbated for the first time. What was once just a pee stick attached to his body suddenly became so much more after stumbling upon his dad's porn magazine collection in the garage. That year was full of mysterious viruses on the family computer that seemed to appear from thin air and lots of trips to his friend's houses to share his findings.

Of course, there was the eventual graduation from magazines to videos to now, God's greatest act since turning water to wine: OnlyFans.

This time, he did not simply stumble upon such a vice. Instead, he was introduced to it through a time of desperation. Covid was at its peak and quarantine was doing a number on his mental state. Or, perhaps that's just what he tells himself to excuse what he did next.

He went to one of the many models he followed on Instagram and clicked the link in their bio.

It was all too enticing, too easy. A simple hop, skip, and entering of credit card information later and he was in—subscribed. This was the first taste of a delicious new drug he would no longer be able to live without. From then on, an addictive part of his personality would take over and he'd constantly want more, more, more.

No one knew about his dirty little secrets in the taboo corner of the internet where he could explore his greatest fantasies. He wasn't a virgin anymore, but a sexual deviant with a very bad spending habit. He'd learn more about himself in this time than any amount of puberty and social interaction could have ever made clear to him in his lifetime.

And that all brings him to the current time, 11:03 p.m. on a Wednesday night, alone as per usual. The saddest part was, the porn made him feel a little bit less lonely in the onset of isolation he was experiencing since his detachment to the world. The throbbing in his pants held a dull ache as he disrobed and laid in bed in only his boxers. He pried his laptop open and typed in his favorite web address, the gateway to his favorite girl in the whole world.

You were the perfect woman in Hamzah's eyes. You'd do anything for the right amount of pay, somehow keeping the mystique surrounding you prevalent and consistently having him crawling back for more. You had fuck me eyes and blowjob lips. And last, but certainly not least, the most mouth-watering pair of tits.

Though Hamzah thoroughly enjoyed these physical aspects of you, he also felt a deeper connection with you. There was something about you that caught his attention, made him unable to focus on anyone else. He'd often find himself daydreaming about you; thinking of your grocery list while at the supermarket and unholy things you could do to him when passing the neighborhood church on walks. He was enamored by your whole being.

He opened up Zoom and went to your usual meeting room, waiting for you whilst nearly bursting through the cloth of his boxers. You were always a little late, and even though he'd been paying for these sessions for a couple months now, he couldn't bring himself to care. You could keep him waiting until the daylight and he was sure he'd still be sitting in front of the camera awaiting your entrance, having a part in his own torture as he refused to please himself until you got there.

When the notification finally sounded that you had joined, it was 13 minutes past your initial meeting time of 11:05.

"Hi, Hamzah," your sweet voice rang, "were you a good boy for me?"

"Yes." He quickly nodded, his eyes unable to separate from your cleavage.

You teasingly pouted and crossed your arms, pushing your breasts up in the process. "You're never naughty... always trying to please me, hm?"

"Always," he breathed out.

"But I want to please you, too," you whispered.

You moved your laptop camera to expose the length of your body, fully bedecked in lilac-colored lingerie atop silky bedsheets. Hamzah's hand instantly reached to grab himself with a whine.

"So eager," you giggled. Your fingernails trailed down your sternum, tracing the bow on the center of your bra. "I love how you react to me."

"I'm already so hard," he said through a grunt.

"Show me," you ordered.

Hamzah hastily pulled his boxers off, freeing his erection from its confines. He spat into his palm and gripped his shaft, lips parted.

"I wish that was my hand," you sighed, eyeing the imagery unfolding in front of you. "Don't you?"

"I do," he replied with no regard as to how desperate he sounded. It just fueled the fire in his belly. "I nearly fucked a hole in my hand yesterday thinking about you."

"What were you thinking of?" you questioned, tossing your hair over your shoulder as you unclasped your bra and slid the straps down your arms. Hamzah watched in amazement, the friction of his hand making him speechless. "Was I blowing you? Riding you?"

"In the shower," he panted. "Your face pressed against the tiles—shit—while I fucked you from behind."

You hummed, pinching your nipples for a moment before your hand trailed further down, "all wet for you?"

"Soaked," he said, tossing his head back on the wall but keeping his eyes on you. "S-Screaming my name."

"Hamzah," you teased, "such a dirty mouth on you."

"Say my name again," he pleaded.

"Hamzah," you melodically repeated. "You're not gonna last long if you don't slow down."

He whined, knowing you were right. "So good...don't wanna stop."

"I know, baby," you murmured, running your fingertips over your wetness, "but don't you want to take your time with me?"

He watched as you slipped one finger in, then another, shielded by the fabric of your panties. He grunted in frustration, fisting his dick harder.

"Let me see you, please," he begged like the sight pained him, running his other hand through his disorderly curls.

You obliged, standing from the bed and turning so your ass was in the camera frame. You slowly pulled the laced bands down your hips, bending over as they fell down your legs and pooled at your ankles. Hamzah's breaths quickened as you kicked them to the ground, fully exposed to the camera.

"Fuck," he cursed, desperately reaching for his laptop to pull it closer and get a better view of you. "You're so..."

You crawled back onto the bed and parted your legs so you were out in the open for him, pussy glistening with your desire. Your fingers retraced their destined path as you reached down and spread your folds. He watched with hungry eyes.

"I'd kill to get a taste of you." He panted between his words.

You giggled and slipped teasing fingers in and out, never all the way. "Tell me how you want it, angel."

He moaned louder at the pet name. "All fours, p-please."

You flipped onto your knees, arching your back so your chest was touching the bed and you were looking over your shoulder at him.

"Touch yourself," he demanded.

Your cheek pressed on the mattress as you sunk your fingers deep within yourself, adding a third to fill you to the brim. Your mouth fell agape. The room filled with slapping sounds as you and Hamzah pumped your hands simultaneously.

"My god," he puffed out, his bare chest reddening with the fervor of his movements. "Just like that."

"So tight," you whimpered, feeling yourself clench around your fingers. "I'm dripping for you."

"I can almost f-feel you," he groaned as he pictured himself inside of you. "Fuck, the things I'd do to you..."

"Yeah?" You egged him on, getting restless. "Would you pound into me? Stretching me more than my fingers ever could?"

"Until you're bruised and sore," he promised breathlessly.

His hips began to lift from the bed as he fucked into his left hand, steadying himself on his right forearm. It was impossible for him to lift his jaw closed with the way he felt, his eyes nearly rolling back into the back of his head. Your free hand groped your breasts as your skin burned from his words.

"Are you close, Hamzah?" you asked, familiar with his signs. "Don't you dare cum yet, baby."

"I'm trying," he said through gritted teeth. "I never last long when you're l-like that."

"I love it," you gasped as shocks of electricity coursed through your veins. "Such a mess, all because of me."

"'Cause of you," he echoed, incapable of forming his own thoughts from the pleasure.

The both of your moans filled the air, pushing each other closer to completion. Hamzah's quivering voice, ever so expressive, shouted expletives as he slowly came undone. The pain in your neck went ignored as you took in the pathetic state of him, cumming into his fist and all over himself. His eyes were screwed up as his hips jolted in unison with every spurt of white that left his glossy tip.

Your climax took place soon after he came back down from the clouds, allowing him to watch as your thighs were saturated with your own arousal. He tirelessly pumped his shaft, wanting to ride out every last bit of satisfaction he could from you calling out his name. When your eyes opened and saw him, you shook your hips side to side, letting him ogle you a little longer.

You crashed to the bed and brought the laptop up so you could observe the way he cleaned himself up with a tissue from his nightstand. Your chests rose up and down, trying to oxygenate your lungs after being so breathless for so long. His happy trail was dampened, lying flat against his skin as he swiped away the last bits of moisture from his stomach.

Silently, you rose with trembling legs to grab the closest cloth to clean up your own mess. When you began wiping your inner thighs with your bunched up panties, Hamzah groaned. You bit your lip and bent over to shake your ass, your reddened pussy on display.

"Is it bad I wanted to lick my screen?" he exhaled as you sat back down, not bothering to put any clothes on.

"Stop," you giggled.

"Mail them to me."

"What?" You were still trying to catch your breath.

"Your...panties." The word sounded more obscene leaving his lips.

"I'll have to wash them first—"

"No." He shook his head, resting his hands on his sweaty torso. "Just send them."

"You're filthy," you gasped, grabbing the moisture-laden garment up from the carpet and holding it up. "What do you want them for?"

His cheeks suddenly flushed and you smirked, twirling the lace in your fingers. "You know."

A lazy smile spread across his face as he leaned his head to rest on his bicep, exhaustion beginning to hit him. It was a really fucked up ego boost—having him so obsessed with you—but up until then you’d never actually felt the rhythm of your heartbeat falter from his words. He didn’t know his words affected you that much, and even less did he know that he was the only client you actually managed to orgasm with.

“Five hundred.”

“Dollars?” Your brows shot up.

“No, pesos,” he joked, eyes half-lidded.

“Do you know the things I’ve done for that kinda money?”

“I don’t care.” He shrugged.

Behind a screen, he was different. Something like an alter ego would be unleashed, an audacious character he certainly didn’t behave like in public spaces. He didn’t have to worry about being found out because of his digital anonymity (as anonymous as you can be with your whole face and dick out). In the real world he was an introverted loner, but here, in the darkness of his room with only the LCD screen illuminating his figure, he was free to act as he pleased.

Besides, in the presence of you, he was basically a saint.

“Okay,” you finally said.

“Okay?”

“I’ll send them over.”

“Can’t wait.” There was a twinkle in his eyes from the acceptance of his offer.

“Try not to look so smug, angel.”

The call ended abruptly and as the light in front of him dimmed, he realized he was getting hard again in anticipation of receiving the parcel.

~

a/n: i’m realizing i can just post whatever i want on here so here’s this lil idea ive been hiding away for a while!! hope u enjoyed freaks <3

[55sturn]

wedding date!chris

ib: anyone who has written this trope! pls reply w their users so i can tag!

he was desperate to see you after months of no contact. the two of you had been the best of friends. from the age of seven, the two of you were nearly impossible to separate. you did everything together, wherever one went, the other was right beside them. and chris was absolutely enamoured by you from day one, which is why no one in his family could fathom how easily he let you walk away.

when the two of you began experimenting with one another sexually, chris blatantly ignored the warning signs going off on his brain. he just wanted you so incredibly bad, that he’d take you in whatever way you gave yourself to him. he didn’t care that he was putting almost seventeen years of friendship on the line. he was in love with you, but there were so many thoughts, doubts, fears, and insecurities firing off deep inside his mind that prevented him for telling you how he felt.

you weren’t stupid, you saw the way chris looked at you like you were the only person in the room that mattered. you saw the way he treated you, he treated you like you were more important than everyone else, the same way he treats his momma. you were, and still are, everything to chris. you saw the way he felt, he didn’t need words to say it, and the only reason you noticed it, is because it mirrored your own feelings. but you were waiting for chris to say something, to do something that didn’t end with you laying between his sheets.

and you got tired of waiting. the ball was in his court, and you had expected him to make the next move after you used the idea of sleeping together causally as a potential gateway to something more. but he never did anything. and it killed you.

you were a big believer in “if they want to, they will.” and you so badly wanted to believe that chris wanted you in the same way you wanted him. you really thought that he was going to take it to a serious level with you, and when you realized that he was treating less like you were the only thing that mattered, and more like every girl he’s been with before, you took your leave. you knew you deserved more than to be stuck waiting for a guy, even if he was your best friend, to decide if he wanted you.

and when you received a text from chris, your heart dropped. you didn’t know how to respond. because let’s be honest, how the fuck were you supposed to respond to the guy you fell in love with at the age of thirteen asking you to be his date to a family friend’s wedding after six months of no contact whatsoever? how the fuck were you supposed to respond after going from being apart of every milestone, big and small, to watching his life through videos and pictures on the internet, only getting updates through the small snippets he shared with his fans? and that’s what hit you the hardest, you were no longer someone that got a closer look at the inner workings of his life, private and public, but rather, you were living the same life as his fans. and you weren’t a fan, you couldn’t, and would not, let yourself live like that anymore.

not when you knew what songs he preferred when he was sad and driving around to clear his head, not when you knew that he’d make and eat his mom’s homemade soup when he was homesick, or that he always sent pictures of your favourite things to his mom when you were busy, or how he looked and sounded during his most intimate and vulnerable moments.

so, you took the time to carefully craft your response. agreeing to be his date, but only if the two of you could meet up somewhere and actually talk about what went wrong before you showed up to the wedding as his plus one.

and chris’ head was spinning as he read the text, he agreed without even knowing if you were still living in the same slightly run-down apartment complex just a few blocks away, and if you were, he was going to kick his own ass. because how could he let things get so bad between the two of you, how could he let you go, and remained unbothered by him for six months while being a ten minute walk away from him half the time? and when he found out that you were only ten minutes away from him, he was quick to show up at your apartment the next night at a quarter to midnight.

you were in the middle of drying your hair and getting your work uniform ready when a hefty series of knocks rattled against your door, it startled you slightly but your nerves calmed when you figured it was just your neighbour asking you to watch her sick cat while she ran to the corner store again, but as you opened the door, your heart rate spiked as you met the eyes of the very man that haunted your thoughts and dreams every night.

“chris, why are you here?”

STAR’S CORNER i started texting vi abt this idea and i needed to get it out rq, so let me know if u want me to keep building on this lil blurb !! also chapter one of SHUT UP MY MOM’S CALLING is possibly dropping late saturday night <3

© 55STURN 2025 ! REBLOGS OF MY WORK ARE NOT EXPECTED BUT GREATLY APPRECIATED !

[drewswife]

summary — you and spencer debating on who’s right on the plane and rossi looks it up and spencer was right

pairings — oblivious!spencer x pining!reader

a/n/warnings — fluff, bickering, spencer knowing he’s right but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings, use of y/n sorry

The stale airplane air hummed around me and Spencer, a familiar drone that usually lulled me into a peaceful state. Not today, though. Today, it was the backdrop to an increasingly passionate, if utterly trivial, debate.

"I'm telling you, Spencer, it was the summer of '98! I remember because that's when my aunt Brenda got her first computer, and everyone was talking about it." I gestured emphatically with my hands, nearly elbowing an unsuspecting flight attendant.

Spencer, ever the picture of quiet conviction, adjusted his glasses. "Y/N, with all due respect, the data clearly indicates that the widespread adoption of dial-up internet in suburban households didn't reach its peak until early 2000. While '98 saw a significant increase, it wasn't the 'everyone was talking about it' level you're describing."

"But it felt like everyone!" I insisted, leaning closer. "The internet was this new, magical thing! And Brenda was so proud of her Gateway."

"Your personal anecdotal evidence, while charming," Spencer said, a faint smile playing on his lips, "doesn't supersede statistical trends."

I huffed, crossing my arms. "Oh, so now my memories are just 'charming anecdotes'? Is that it, Dr. Reid?"

He's so pretty when he gets all academic like this, even when he's being a know-it-all.

Before the playful bickering could escalate further, Rossi, who had been patiently listening from across the aisle, cleared his throat. He pulled out his phone, a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. "Alright, kids, let's settle this. What exactly are we looking up?"

"The year dial-up internet really took off in suburban America!" I declared, pointing at Spencer. "And he says it wasn't '98!"

Spencer merely raised an eyebrow, a silent challenge.

Rossi chuckled, typing quickly. A moment later, his eyes scanned the screen. He looked up, a theatrical sigh escaping him. "Well, Y/N, it seems our resident boy genius is, once again, correct. According to multiple sources, while there was growth in '98, the true widespread adoption and peak awareness you're describing did indeed occur closer to 2000."

I groaned, slumping back in my seat. "Unbelievable. My own memories betray me." I shot Spencer a mock glare. "You knew, didn't you? You knew you were right this whole time."

Spencer's faint smile widened, but he quickly reined it in, a flicker of something almost apologetic in his eyes. "I had a strong hypothesis, yes. But I didn't want to prematurely declare victory." He paused, then added softly, "And I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

And he's so sweet too. It's not fair.

My mock glare softened into a genuine smile. "You're a dork, Reid."

"And you're delightfully passionate, Y/N," he replied, a warmth in his gaze that sent a little flutter through my chest. I knew he was right, and a part of me had known all along that he probably would be. But I also knew he’d let me argue, letting me have my moment before gently, almost hesitantly, proving his point. And in that moment, as I looked at him, completely oblivious to the soft fondness in my own eyes, I couldn't help but pine just a little bit more.

🏷️, @sleepysongbirdsings @spencerreid66 @khxna @raysmayhem-72 @multiversefanfics @boopiemadz @starrii-sturns

[interact-if]

Black History Month Author Spotlight: Lapin

To kickstart the Black History Month Author Spotlight series, I'd like to introduce everyone to our first IF author, Lapin (@harlequinoccult)!

(I had a ton of fun reading Lapin’s answers, and I’m sure you will too! Read on for a celebration of ‘weird,’ Lapin’s Black southern gothic / horror influences, and how a D&D game could lead to interactive fiction!

Lapin, thank you again for your candid, humorous responses, I am very honored to have gotten to know you better :D)

Author: Lapin

Black creole and cajun, artist and writer, and wannabe game developer

Games: Slaughter Squad (Horror, Slasher, Romance)

Synopsis: YOU HAVE A HUNGER A HUNGER THAT YOU’VE BEEN NEGLECTING For the most part, you’re a pretty normal mid-20-something year old who lives in a shitty apartment in the city. Well, except for one thing. Your.....”Associate” Carter “Dollface” Abernathy. Who is a murderer, and quite frankly, a sloppy one at that. And you’re the accessory to his crimes. No matter what way you’ve gotten to know the man, or how you feel about him, you’re stuck with him, and stuck with just being his little “helper” ........Or are you? Especially when you’re suddenly given a....Unique opportunity.

Games: The Valley of Luck (Fantasy, Adventure, Romance)

Synopsis: The Valley of Luck was said to be a myth. Something that grandparents would tell their grand-kids around a campfire. Even those who worshiped Lucian, The God of Luck, thought it nothing but an old wives tale. Until, one day, a man with an arm made of solid gold started telling people that he'd been there, that he'd seen the Valley. Word spread quickly, and suddenly, every continent was alight with the rumor that The Valley was real, that it could give you all the riches you could ever want, and then some. However, your quest, whether related to The Valley or not, will lead you down a much stranger path.

Quote from the interview:

My upbringing was a bit odd. I am the youngest of three, two older brothers, one being a half brother, in a black military household… Middle school Lapin was a jock. But, lo and behold, the internet started getting more popular and that kid's brain exploded from internet exposure, for better and for worse. … I feel that there is a specific and niche demographic of people like me that were raised by early 2000s to 2010s internet. And on that era of internet, were creepypastas, online horror, early ARGs….I ADORED internet horror, which was my gateway into classic horror, funnily enough. Slaughter Squad, in my eyes, is a letter to that black kid that wanted to be weird. Be weird, be messy, see a fucked up movie, get more out of life.

Read on for the full interview!

Tell me more about yourself! What are some things new readers or long-time readers might not know about you?

Both parts of my family are 100% from Louisiana, New Orleans and the deep south. My moms side have been there so long, we have two streets named after us.

Can you tell me a bit about what you’re working on right now and your journey into interactive fiction? What inspired the game/story you’re currently writing?

My main project, of course, is Slaughter Squad. I love slasher movies and horror media in general. But what I always noticed with horror/romance, at least in the visual novel scene, is that the main character is nearly always the one getting screwed over, so I thought, well, what if the bad guys actually are your peers? How would this dynamic change if they don't see you as prey? I never thought that premise would appeal so much to so many but hey, I can't complain! I adore seeing people having fun with the silly little concept I had.

Now, my secondary project, The Valley of Luck. Some may not know this, but this story is based off of a D&D campaign I DM'ed back in the day with my friends. All the ROs are NPCs that my friends had, or where going to encounter. I won't lie, I did shy away from it and changed some things when the whole debacle with Wizards of the coast (the company that "owns" D&D) Where making some...questionable decisions. But this story is my baby. My first born. This one has been in the works far longer than SLSQ and has a lot of background lore that I hope I get the opportunity to share.

I do have a few other projects bumping around, One I am particularly excited for, But that one will have to wait a little bit~

How has your identity, heritage/background, upbringing, or personal experiences influenced your storytelling or writing process? OR How does your work feature aspects of your identity / experience?

My upbringing was a bit odd. I am the youngest of three, two older brothers, one being a half brother, in a black military household. I never felt that I truly had a sense of identity until that household inevitably split up. Everyone talks about being the weird kid in middle school, but no one mentions being the "normal on the outside but wants to be the weird kid so bad its painful on the inside but can't because you were told that stuff is 'white people shit' " type of kid.

Middle school Lapin was a jock. But, lo and behold, the internet started getting more popular and that kid's brain exploded from internet exposure, for better and for worse. I was a little shitter on the internet, I can't lie about that, as much as I want to. But I feel that there is a specific and niche demographic of people like me that were raised by early 2000s to 2010s internet. And on that era of internet, were creepypastas, online horror, early ARGs....I ADORED internet horror, which was my gateway into classic horror, funnily enough. Slaughter Squad, in my eyes, is a letter to that black kid that wanted to be weird. Be weird, be messy, see a fucked up movie, get more out of life.

What does your writing process look like? Any rituals or habits? Any tips, tricks, philosophies or approaches that have worked very well for you?

Let your characters speak through you like you're being possessed by a demon.

What’s the one thing you’re really proud of that you’ve written so far? Do you have a favorite character or scene that you’ve written?

I am so serious.

is it wildly inconvenient? yes. does it help your writing a ton? also yes. Doing Roleplay with friends is a fantastic way to learn to do this. being a DM for a D&D game has basically made it so characters can simply speak from my brain at any given moment. It's also annoying because some of these people do NOT shut up. Learning how a character would react on the fly does wonders for dialogue writing and character analysis. Roleplay with your friends, or hell, strangers who are down to clown that could become friends. Be cringe. be free.

I love the opening to Slaughter Squad and if you told me to rewrite it with a gun to my head I would tell you to shoot me. I love how punchy it is and it came out exactly how I wanted it to. I don't play favorites with characters (<- lying) but my two favorites to write are the stinky little bastard cat Sterling in TVoL and.....Carter, from SLSQ. I love writing complete bastards. One being lighthearted and gets a pass for it because he's just a kitty cat and the other you want to actively beat his face in with your bare hands. It's SO funny.

If you were to say one thing to your readers, other authors, and/or the interactive fiction community: what would it be?

Write. Write it now. Doesn't have to be good doesn't have to be polish all that matters is that you WROTE IT. All the bells and whistles can come later!!!! Stop thinking about the later and think about the now!!!! Write what you love and never give two shits about if it's cringe!!! Be excellent to each other!!!

Any books, music, movies etc. you’re obsessed with at the moment, or which changed your life (or perspectives on something)?

GO LISTEN TO CHROMAKOPIA BY TYLER THE CREATOR RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!

This-or-that segment: (bold = Lapin’s pick)

Coffee or tea?

Early mornings or late nights?

City or countryside?

Angsty or Cozy romances? (Or enemies-to-lovers or best-friends-to-lovers?)  

Steady progress or frenzied binge-writing followed by periods of calm?

Summer or Winter?

First drafts or editing?

Introvert or extrovert?

Plotter or pantser?

Characters or plot first?

Lapin’s custom “this-or-that” pairing: Rain or Shine

More on Black Southern Gothic:

Black southern gothic can vary a lot, but when I think of it, I think of old semi abandoned wood shotgun houses in the swamp, all white tiny baptist churches where the white paint is peeling from the heat and humidity, riding horses down a dirt paved street while people still ride by in their old busted down 1960s chevys. Old plantation houses that have been reclaimed by the swamp. The dark, humid heat of the night on a street with no streetlights. Every house you see is absolutely haunted by something and not just ghosts. Voodoo and hoodoo is different than what people will tell you it is.

Sassafrass, Cypress and Indigo by Ntozake Shange, Sing, Unburied, Sing by Jessamin Ward, and anything by Toni Morrison 100%.

[angelmommyslily-blog]

Have you ever had a dream? One so strong it kept you going through everything? And as much as you wanted to reach it, you didn’t think you would be able to for several years? I had that dream. It’s different for every person. But for me, that dream that propelled me on was becoming a mother. But I had to wait for it, and I knew that. I dreamt of that since I was a little girl, and I knew it wasn’t going to happen at the very least until I was in my twenties, so that I could support that child as best I could, and give them everything they deserved.

Still, dreams must be acknowledged. They don’t like to remain confined to our minds. We need to feel like we’re doing something to get to it, or at the very least find ways to release it into the world. For me, I did it several ways. I played with dolls as a child, and once I got older, I found my voice in writing. I carried a spiral notebook in my backpack when I went to school, and when I finished something or had some free time in class, I would pull it out and write. I poured my dreams into those empty pages. I wrote of mothers with their babies, and the way they looked at them. I wrote of a mother’s smile when they looked in their children’s eyes, and their protectiveness of them. And every day, that dream became stronger because I fed it.

But dreams are fickle things. They surprise us often, in ways we never thought of. Sometimes they change in time, or because we are at a certain point in our lives. Sometimes they come when we least expect us. Sometimes they even come earlier than we expect.🌸🍼🚼🚼

A combination of all of these things happened to me. Now when I was twelve, I loved the show Teen Titans. Robin was my favorite character. I was always intrigued by his backstory, of how he lost his parents, and I thought about the idea of them coming back, and what Robin would do. I don’t particularly remember the day I wrote that story, except for playing the song “Headstrong” By Ashley Tisdale about two hundred times on repeat, but I remember very clearly thinking, Robin would give his parents a day back with their little boy. So I wrote it, cranked it out in one afternoon and posted it online on a story sharing site. It has since been deleted, but I remember one line very clearly, the line that said: The things we do for our parents. It sort of stopped me short. I wondered someday if my children would do something like that for me.

I think that’s really when I got interested in the world of age play. Of course, I didn’t know that’s what it was called at the time. I continued to write stories like that over the years. I never had any clue though, that I would actually be involved in such a thing. I didn’t even know it was something I wanted. I wouldn’t for a very long time.

When I was eighteen, I had an iPod touch. I had a cell phone at the time, but I wasn’t supposed to use the internet on it because it cost money. So, my iPod was my gateway to the internet when I was on the go. I stayed late at school, as I did every day because my mother taught there at my high school, and I was browsing online for stories like the ones I wrote. I came across the term ABDL there, and I was understandably confused. I had never heard the term before, and I wouldn’t have. It wasn’t like this was something that people talked about.

I am a naturally inquisitive person, always curious, always exploring. So I researched the term. Imagine my shock when I found out that this was the name of the type of stories I wrote. But there was difference here. It was one thing to write about this sort of thing, and it was something else entirely to live it. The idea that some people lived that way shook me up, because honestly, I had never believed that sort of thing existed outside the realms of my mind. I got off the site and didn’t log on again for weeks.

That time in between was pretty crucial, I think. I needed to come to terms with the idea that this wasn’t just in my head. I needed to grasp that this was real, and I needed to take time away to make peace with all of that on my own terms, and open my mind. So when I went back, it was different. Suddenly I was understanding so much more. I did research, found websites and blogs and pictures and asked questions to people. When I logged off that evening to get ready for bed, I found I had a lot to think about.🌸🚼🚼

Slowly, over a long period of time, I entered the world of Age play. Not in any official capacity at that point, though. Just as a fan and sometimes an advocate. In opening my mind to all of that, I had been able to put myself in the shoes of those who were a part of that community. I saw their hardship, their struggles with shame, all of the misconceptions, and seeing that… It stirred something inside of me. A protective instinct. Suddenly, I just wanted to protect the littles in that community, keep them from any more pain than so many of them had already been through. I made the switch from fan to advocate pretty easily and very quickly. By that point, I was twenty years old.

It was when I was twenty, nearly twenty one, that I came to terms with the idea that I wanted to be a mommy to somebody in the community. I think my own mother influenced that decision quite a bit. She talked to me often growing up (and still does now for that matter) about how she had always pictured having a baby, and that she hadn’t been able to see me growing up. She always remarked how small I was as a baby, and that is hardly surprising since I was three months premature. In short, she didn’t want me to grow up. So the idea of having a child who would always be a child was very appealing to me because of all of that. Maybe that’s where it came from in the first place. So, I began my search.

Around that time, I was working retail. And one day, a song that I had sung in the high school choir came over the speakers. It triggered in me a memory, an old friend I used to role-play with online. And I decided to reach out to her again. We reconnected, and became very close again in a short period of time.

When I pictured having children at that time, because I still did want my own, I always envisioned a boy. So I tried searching one out in several places. Eventually, I thought I found one. I was very excited, so I sent a message to my friend about it. She asked me if I was talking about DDLG, which was term for ABDL more between a Daddy and Little girl. To my surprise, she was into it. I ended up asking her if she had a Mommy, and she said she did not. Then, I asked her if she wanted one. And she said yes.

In that moment, my whole world changed.

Suddenly, I had a little girl. Someone to call me Momma. Someone who loved talking to me, and being little with me. In a short time frame, I grew to accept that part of myself more than I might have in years without a baby to care for. Things were going great, and I was flying high. When I look back at that time in my life, I think of it as one of those golden lights, that would light my life for years to come. Everything was perfect. Or at least, I thought so.

About three months into it, that all changed. One day, out of nowhere, she stopped talking to me. No explanation, no warning, just a complete stopping in communication. I spent months in denial, just waiting for her to reply to me, to talk to me, to tell me something, anything, about what was happening with her, with our relationship. But it never came. That day was back in May, and I don’t think anything really hit me until October. I was at work one day, and they played the same song over the speakers that played the day I reconnected with her. I think it really drove it home for me that she wasn’t coming back. I went home from work that day, and I cried for hours.

The months that followed were some of the blackest ones of my entire life. I was lost in my self doubt, in my darkness, in my grief. During that period, I went to a store with my mom, and picked up some journals, formal ones. I began to write her letters, to share that grief somewhere, and maybe send it someday when it was finished. It helped me, I think. And I remembered that shining moment in my life, and I wanted it to happen again. In December, I tried to be a mommy again, but I wasn’t ready. The same result came the following March. So I stayed away from being a Mommy until August, when I thought I was ready again. It would change everything.

Personally, I am religious. A Christian. I have been since I was seventeen. I believed in the idea that God had a plan for me. I believed he wouldn’t give me that kind of pain without a reason. I just didn’t know what that reason was. For those who aren’t particularly religious, the idea of fate working in mysterious ways also works. However you figured it, I believed that there was a reason for all of this. I just hadn’t found it yet. But on August 7, 2017, I did.

I had been on Tumblr, on Kik, on Whisper, looking for a baby girl. And eventually, one reached out to me. Initially when I spoke to her a few days before, I said that I wasn’t ready, but on that day in August, I was. I asked if she was still looking for a Mommy, and she said yes. I asked if I could be hers, and she agreed. Her name was Raevyn, and she was from Florida. I spent that day learning about her, and when I look back on it now, I see that she had been the light to finally breach that seemingly endless blackness, and break through it to feed the light inside me. Slowly, life began to have meaning again. I was doing all of the things I had wanted to do as a Mommy. I encouraged her, I supported her, I sent her care packages. Really, that was as much as I could do from nearly two thousand miles away.

The one downer in that fairytale was not being able to meet her in person. But I changed all of that nearly a year later. On a whim, I booked a flight to Florida. The catch? I didn’t tell my parents where I was going. I told them I was going to sleepover a few days at my Best Friend’s house. It wasn’t entirely untrue. I did go to her house and stayed over the first night. The next morning, I booked a Lyft to the airport, and I flew out to Florida. It was my first time riding by myself on a plane. I really hate heights, so it should have really bothered me being up so high, but I ignored it. I ignored all of it, because the need to be with my baby girl was overshadowing all of that fear.

It felt like forever, honestly. That flight, and getting my bags at baggage claim. I went outside the Fort Lauderdale airport, and I waited. My phone was at twenty percent and would likely die soon, and I was antsy. But that hope, that fantasy of holding that little girl in my arms, overrode every complaint I had. Finally, after an eternity of waiting, her car pulled up.

Defining moments in our lives can go two ways. They can go fast, like a movie on fast forward. They can go slowly, like a record playing at a slow speed. Sometimes they’re both. The moment when she got out of the car was both. I remember how the world sort of stopped for me in that instant. The way nothing seemed to matter. I remember myself racing forward at top speed, and her seeming to get out in slow motion.

But then, she hugged me for the first time.

Of all the moments in my life, that one stood out to me in a very distinct way, for so many reasons. The moment she wrapped her arms around me, and I her, it was like someone opened up a whole new world to me. In that moment, more than any one I had ever had in my life, I found my purpose. I saw the future, my mind abuzz with possibilities. In perhaps the greatest moment of clarity I was ever blessed with, I knew that she was my future. I knew that if I did nothing else that was important in my life, I was going to try and spend it showing her how much I cared and loved her. As I held her, I knew that this would be the start of many trips, of conversations, of a long and happy relationship. I could have lived in that moment forever.

I got in the car and we went back to her home, where I crashed on her couch that night. The next day, we watched My Little Pony: The Movie, The Unborn, and Child’s Play, cherishing both parts of her. We watched Glitter Force, and The Miraculous Ladybug. We shared music with one another, the one I remember most being “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell. I even got to read her a story before bed. I slept on the couch again, and the next day had to go on a plane back home. There were all sorts of complications with that flight, and it was pretty crazy, but I went through it all with a smile, because I had just had the greatest day of my life. Why wouldn’t I be happy? I got back to my home around ten o’clock that night, and I was grinning ear to ear. I never told my dad about it, but I told my mom that evening. While she was disappointed I had gone behind her back, she was glad I had fun. I think she thought it was a good experience for me to have.🚼🌸🍼

I have seen so much in my life. I have seen the best and worst moments for so many people. I have given so much, and received much in turn. My baby girl has given me so many gifts. My baby girl has given me inspiration for stories. She has given me joy I never thought imaginable. She helped me find a light in myself that I worried might have gone out. In turn, I have tried to give her all of my love, care, and attention.

But by far, from all of the gifts there are in this world, all the gestures people have made, all the material items, all of the places I’ve been or people I’ve met, there was no greater gift to me than the love of my baby girl, who calls me Mommy.

There is no greater gift than that.🌸🌸🚼🚼🍼

[whichcouldmeannothing]

big big marvey fic rec list

marvey is currently my most bookmarked ship, so trust me when i say i've been around the bend for marvey content. i have dug through a lot of it the past few months, so trust that these fics have been highly rated!

fics are loosely grouped, with the summary and my thoughts under the cut :3 no spoilers ofc bc i love you

MY PERSONAL FAVOURITES

A Specter-Ross Affair by @frivoloussuits (15k+, au)

“You ordered an ‘extra-hot, extra-wet cappuccino, single-origin, properly layered, to-go and ready five minutes ago to make up for your service speed or lack thereof.’” In which Mike is a barista, Rachel is a lawyer, and Harvey is paid excessive amounts of money to plan their joyous Christmas wedding.

"Love is just a particularly socially accepted form of fraud. It's a series of increasingly complex and fragile deceptions between two or more people, and, more alarmingly, between each participant and their own deluded subconscious."

i literally cannot recommend this fic enough. this might be my favourite read of the entire year, dead serious. this sounds fluffy but trust me, the pining and the angst go well like salt on a chocolate chip cookie: extremely decadent. everything about this fic goes insane and this should be your gateway drug into marvey, im so serious about this. READ IT. (weddingplanner!harvey)

of all the gin joints by @frivoloussuits (10k+, au)

Hanging around a neighborhood bar one night, Harvey befriends a guy named Mike after realizing they can both quote The Princess Bride on demand. In the law offices of Rand, Kaldor, Zane and Pearson, senior partner Harvey Specter takes on an unusual case, representing his managing partner's daughter as she divorces a Michael James Ross. Harvey sees no connection until it's far too late.

"They’re playing a virtuosic duet with inhuman ease, as if the intoxication has broken their boundaries and blurred them into a single entity."

this. obsessed with fics that really use the law in their plots, and this is a prime example. a lot of chemistry in this one that is described in a way that makes you jealous of the bond they share and there are still lines in this fic that i think about almost everyday but honestly, such a top-tier read. PLEASE PLEASE IF YOU LIKE SUFFERING ANF REALLY REALLY GOOD CHEMISTRY PLEASE

5U175 by Closer (26k, canon-adjacent)

Harvey sometimes moonlights as a Star Trek BNF. Mike might have an attitude problem on the internet. TiberiusGhost is strangely compelling, for a recluse who never goes to meetups, and Harvey's finding this kid Photohead vaguely familiar…

i know that the terminology in this one is hella old-school but trust me. as someone who doesnt read a lot of fandom fics, this fic has changed it all for me (also bc the author replied to my comment hehehe) stick with this fic because the way fandom weaves with the character development is absolutely delicious, i remember saying this in my og comment but this fic was written with love for fandom and you should definitely read it too!!! you'd absolutely love it! (also ben stans rise up ^^)

fics to sink your teeth into (20k+)

needs must by @melthemagpie (98k+, au)

When Grammy needs an upgrade in care, Mike knows that the usual one-off gig as a paid submissive won't be enough. He takes a job he's been refusing for a while - a long-term, full-time contract. He expects his client to be a sadistic asshole. He expects not to like it. He's wrong on both counts.

this is a fandom classic, every fic rec has this on the list (cw for dom/sub and prostitution, so if you're uncomfy please dont read) but i swear there are so many romantic moments in this one that make me swoon and the smut is very good, i usually tap out in long fics really quickly but this hooked me the whole way through twice. thats my ringing endorsement, READ THIS

Lobster and Other Catastrophes by @andthetardis (21k, canon-compliant)

After months of silence, Mike starts texting Harvey again out of the blue. Funny thing to do on his honeymoon, really.

BRO PLEASE. this was so good. angsty and pining-y enough even though it's mostly a text fic. text fics to me are more like comedic, but this one had substance and heart (and funny and enjoyable btw). pulls you in and really makes you want to stick it out and get to the beautiful ending <333 (harvey being soft is probably a category on its own :3)

The Game by @frivoloussuits (27k, hunger games au)

Harvey Specter and Donna Paulsen are efficient and elegant killers. They have trained since childhood, mentored personally by Jessica Pearson and marked for years as District 1's Tributes for the Hunger Games. Mike Ross is an orphan from District 12, a drug dealer, and an underage gambler. After years of scrutinizing the Hunger Games on TV to make savvy bets, he finds himself on the wrong side of the camera, now playing the odds just to survive. Harvey and Mike cannot, should not trust each other. Still, they strike a backroom deal.

"Because he’s clever and quick-thinking and he’s learned her main lesson well– don’t love anyone you wouldn’t be willing to see dead. Ideally, don’t love anyone at all."

I READ THIS WHEN I WAS REVISITING HUNGER GAMES AND OHHHHH THIS HAS THE ANGST. absolutely riveting. ths is the third fic im reccing from them bc i love frivoloussuits. i would die for them HHFSHFHKSDGDHFG i love the angst and the life-threatening situations that the hunger games provide and harvey as a career is correct. its just correct. everything here grips my soul

Disaster Stories by agatestones (22k, canon-compliant)

"Hold on," Mike asked, "you made Donna come into work in the middle of a blizzard?" "I don't make Donna do anything. Haven't you learned by now?" Harvey gave Mike a mean little smile, but under that was relief for anyone to see. "You, I can make come into the office in a blizzard."

reads like a novella to me, and it's really good!!! very episodic and you really feel like these are things that have happened in universe. its very slice of lifey and i reread it a lot as a comfort read, its like a big hug to me

Pizza and a Movie by Closer (30k+, au)

In an alternate universe, Harvey's still a lawyer but Mike's not a pot runner -- he's a deliveryman for Rollo's Pizza and Ribs, which happens to be Harvey's favorite pizza place. Once Harvey finds out his pizza guy is a genius, Mike's life takes a few turns he would not have expected...

i swear this is the most rom-commy fic marvey has to offer. i like aus that slap me in the face more with the alternate universe, but this is such a rom-com plot. fandom classic as well and it really reads like a hugh grant 90s movie and if thats not enough to pull you in idk what will tbh

Imprimatur by Closer (22k, au)

Mike was raised to believe Imprint was a life-changing event for those few lucky enough to experience it. Harvey was raised to believe it was a form of mental illness. When it actually happened, neither of them noticed.

this goes absolutely crazy. one of those fics where you read it and you almost want to throw your phone at the wall because the characters could make it so easy if they werent so stupid (but in a good way of course) but the way it was written, you feel the depth of the soulmate bond and why its so important (which a lot of soulmate aus forget to do loll) but goes down like an expensive and delicious dinner :)

afternoon reads (10k+)

Sony SRF-39FP by @frivoloussuits (11k+, canon-adjacent)

Anita Gibbs won’t settle for Mike, not when there are name partners within her reach. She offers only one deal– two years, no other charges against anyone else in the firm, as long as Harvey Specter turns himself in. And even as Donna and Jessica and Louis and Mike beg him not to, he jumps on the grenade. “Time to get busy living or get busy dying,” he remarks, and Mike gives a small chuckle. Then Harvey smirks, straightens his suit jacket, and strides into FCI Danbury.

“I can’t believe they’re trying to lock you in a box and forget about you,” Mike sighs as he leaves.

“Well, as long as you don’t forget me, I figure I’ll survive.”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but forgetting’s never been my strong suit.

cw for depersonalization and desc of solitary confinement, very very heavy but the way mike is there throughout everything makes my heart twinge. i really dont know how to describe this fic at all but its really good. it makes me cry a lot. also made me start listening to jazz which- uh

Here at the end of all things by @tattooedsiren (10k, au)

When he arrives at the Pearson Hardman building the lights are dimmed and the floor is deserted. His feet carry him to Harvey's office even though he expects it to be empty. Because Harvey probably fled the city via helicopter or teleporter or sheer force of will. But when he approaches the office he can see that Harvey is there. He has moved the couch so that it now faces the floor to ceiling windows and Mike silently sits beside Harvey, joins him in looking down at the chaos engulfing the city below. [Apocalypse AU]

I LOVE APOCALYPSE FICS UP UP UP badass!harvey makes me bark, but im a really big fan of people who find happiness in the worst circumstances and this fic does it so so so well. reminds me a lot of tlou episode like 2? the one with the strawberries. please this is what i revisit when i miss marvey and i dont have a lot of time because the world and the characters are jsut so delicious!!!

quick reads (1k+)

This Love is Silent by kim47 (8k, canon-compliant)

She should have known. She had known, that something was off, at least. She knew he was hiding something. She just never imagined it could be this. Despite Harvey's warnings, Mike tells Rachel the truth about everything. She's shocked, naturally, and more than a little angry, but she agrees to keep his secret, and even to date him. So when they break up, Harvey goes into damage-control mode.

RACHEL!! HELLO RACHEL!! im always up for smart and discerning rachel (this shows up in of all the gin joints too btw!!!) this runs realistic to me because it shows that rachelxmike arent some hopelessly wrong for each other couple, they have good and bad times. this feels more real to me than other fics bc its not like the world conspires for marvey to be apart, its just life. i know this makes it sound so sad, and it is, but trust me: this is really really really good i love this so much

an archive of harvey specter's expressions by @frivoloussuits (2k, canon-compliant)

Five old expressions that Mike rediscovers in new contexts once he and Harvey are (finally) together, and one that he sees for the first time. Alternatively titled “An Ode to Gabriel Macht’s Face.”

this was written for me. this is literally me. writing fic because gabriel macht is too pretty, like this fic is literally for me. a lot of peering at him to get this fic as masterfully written as it is, and i thank you author everyday for it. to me, this reads like it's been written with love and care and true adoration (Truly, like Mike)

Coffee-Cart Client Privilege by @frivoloussuits (7k, au)

Mike runs a coffee cart. The coffee cart.

"Why not? They're too big and dense to be a snack." So are you, Mike thinks, and yet.

IM SORRY I KEEP RECCING FRIVOLOUS SUITS THEYRE MY FAVOURITE WRITER IN THIS FANDOM HFBKABFDKHFBHKDSA this has the hand-wavy logic the show has itself but mike's internal monologue in this one is one of the best ive ever read and the way mike's integrated in the offices is just so well-done ahhhh

Objection by yeah its frivoloussuits again i feel bad tagging them like 7 times (2k, canon-adjacent)

When Mike announces he’s leaving, Harvey plans to hide the jagged pieces of his broken heart deep inside, where no one will ever find them. His heart would like to object.

BIGG fan of physical hurt/comfort!!!! also big fan of people absolutely freaking out in the hospital in fics, it makes me bounce of the wall!! very short but the angst and love really hits you quick and leaves you on the floor gasping for air. very good (also cant prove this but im very sure this is a scrubs reference.t hanks)

Excerpts From The Gospel of Harvey Specter, edited by Michael "Forever Awesome" Ross, 2011, 1st Ed, by @rcmclachlan (7k, canon compliant)

Mike can totally read people. Well, most people. Some people. Or maybe just Harvey, who's pretty much an open book.

this one's really funny! it doesent follow direct prose and instead plays a lot with the setting its in (where mike's a documenter of harvey) and its just so funny and adorable. has a lot of heart too, it isn't just crack or anything but you really feel everything mike does as he writes all this, read this!!1

One More Sleepless Night by @sal_si_puedes (9k, au)

Soul Bonds are one-sided – there’s usually mutual affection, but only one party feels the crippling need to be together as often as possible. If separated at length from their love, that party becomes crushed by longing, panic, and sheer hopelessness, and so it is illegal to forcibly keep Soulmates apart. Some days, Harvey Specter hates the Bond that skews his judgement and weakens his resolve, and he fears what would happen if anyone in his world ever discovers he is so compromised. He certainly never planned to disclose the Bond for the first time in the middle of Anita Gibbs’ office, in a last-ditch attempt to invalidate the deal sending Mike to prison.

HSDGFHSDKGHRLKGHK THIS FIC. i love fics that use more than just prose to tell their stories (see above fic) and this does my favourite thing that soulmate aus do, which is where they integrate in-universe explanations for the phenomenon. the amount of work and dedication put into this fic makes it absolutely sing and was absolutely lovely!!

also pspspsps

golden like the daffodils by @mini-mart (2k, canon-compliant)

Poetry holds meaning, for anyone who reads it. It obscures and dances around the literal and metaphorical, because it’s imbued with so much of something that it overflows out of any definition. It can make someone mad, or lovesick, or aroused, and the reactions would be absolutely warranted. Mike is poetry, to Harvey. - Harvey Specter could be a good politician, as he believes in pragmatism over poetry. He won't let his progress fall apart, won't let someone knock it down. And then someone unceremoniously cracks open a suitcase at his feet. Or: Harvey, pretty boys and poetry.

yeah yeah i wrote this yeah yeah self promo smth smth

there's a lot more that isn't here but i'll probably write a new one when i go for a deep dive through the ship tags again :3

^^ ao3 etiqutte applies! if you like the fic, kudos and comment and bookmark!! show your love! happy reading marveys! my gift to u :3

[comicaurora]

Hello! This isn't comic-related, but concerning the Frankenstein's Eyes Incident, I thought it might be worth it to drop by and say that the main thing your classics summaries inspired me to do is actually read more, especially the source materials, including Frankenstein, which became my favorite book a few years ago, and still inspires basically everything I create (the amount of homunculus and artificially constructed characters in my writing are... something). And after being introduced to it through OSP, Dracula was my gateway read into the horror fan I am today. ith the risk of putting too much feels into an ask to a stranger, if I haven't stumbled into OSP when I did, I might not have ended up being a writer at all, and now a few weeks ago my first short story got actually published and that rekindling of love for the art of storytelling sorta kinda maybe changed my life. It's frustrating when people on the internet misinterpret what you're saying and use it as basis for misinformation, but there's also other cases! I'm sure you know about that already but still, a quick "hey, your fascination with stories was so contagious it made my life better" wouldn't hurt, probably. That's all I hope you have a good day!

cool cool coolcoolcool-

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Too big to care

I'm on tour with my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me in BOSTON with Randall "XKCD" Munroe (Apr 11), then PROVIDENCE (Apr 12), and beyond!

Remember the first time you used Google search? It was like magic. After years of progressively worsening search quality from Altavista and Yahoo, Google was literally stunning, a gateway to the very best things on the internet.

Today, Google has a 90% search market-share. They got it the hard way: they cheated. Google spends tens of billions of dollars on payola in order to ensure that they are the default search engine behind every search box you encounter on every device, every service and every website:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/03/not-feeling-lucky/#fundamental-laws-of-economics

Not coincidentally, Google's search is getting progressively, monotonically worse. It is a cesspool of botshit, spam, scams, and nonsense. Important resources that I never bothered to bookmark because I could find them with a quick Google search no longer show up in the first ten screens of results:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/02/21/im-feeling-unlucky/#not-up-to-the-task

Even after all that payola, Google is still absurdly profitable. They have so much money, they were able to do a $80 billion stock buyback. Just a few months later, Google fired 12,000 skilled technical workers. Essentially, Google is saying that they don't need to spend money on quality, because we're all locked into using Google search. It's cheaper to buy the default search box everywhere in the world than it is to make a product that is so good that even if we tried another search engine, we'd still prefer Google.

This is enshittification. Google is shifting value away from end users (searchers) and business customers (advertisers, publishers and merchants) to itself:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/03/05/the-map-is-not-the-territory/#apor-locksmith

And here's the thing: there are search engines out there that are so good that if you just try them, you'll get that same feeling you got the first time you tried Google.

When I was in Tucson last month on my book-tour for my new novel The Bezzle, I crashed with my pals Patrick and Teresa Nielsen Hayden. I've know them since I was a teenager (Patrick is my editor).

We were sitting in his living room on our laptops – just like old times! – and Patrick asked me if I'd tried Kagi, a new search-engine.

Teresa chimed in, extolling the advanced search features, the "lenses" that surfaced specific kinds of resources on the web.

I hadn't even heard of Kagi, but the Nielsen Haydens are among the most effective researchers I know – both in their professional editorial lives and in their many obsessive hobbies. If it was good enough for them…

I tried it. It was magic.

No, seriously. All those things Google couldn't find anymore? Top of the search pile. Queries that generated pages of spam in Google results? Fucking pristine on Kagi – the right answers, over and over again.

That was before I started playing with Kagi's lenses and other bells and whistles, which elevated the search experience from "magic" to sorcerous.

The catch is that Kagi costs money – after 100 queries, they want you to cough up $10/month ($14 for a couple or $20 for a family with up to six accounts, and some kid-specific features):

https://kagi.com/settings?p=billing_plan&plan=family

I immediately bought a family plan. I've been using it for a month. I've basically stopped using Google search altogether.

Kagi just let me get a lot more done, and I assumed that they were some kind of wildly capitalized startup that was running their own crawl and and their own data-centers. But this morning, I read Jason Koebler's 404 Media report on his own experiences using it:

https://www.404media.co/friendship-ended-with-google-now-kagi-is-my-best-friend/

Koebler's piece contained a key detail that I'd somehow missed:

When you search on Kagi, the service makes a series of “anonymized API calls to traditional search indexes like Google, Yandex, Mojeek, and Brave,” as well as a handful of other specialized search engines, Wikimedia Commons, Flickr, etc. Kagi then combines this with its own web index and news index (for news searches) to build the results pages that you see. So, essentially, you are getting some mix of Google search results combined with results from other indexes.

In other words: Kagi is a heavily customized, anonymized front-end to Google.

The implications of this are stunning. It means that Google's enshittified search-results are a choice. Those ad-strewn, sub-Altavista, spam-drowned search pages are a feature, not a bug. Google prefers those results to Kagi, because Google makes more money out of shit than they would out of delivering a good product:

https://www.theverge.com/2024/4/2/24117976/best-printer-2024-home-use-office-use-labels-school-homework

No wonder Google spends a whole-ass Twitter every year to make sure you never try a rival search engine. Bottom line: they ran the numbers and figured out their most profitable course of action is to enshittify their flagship product and bribe their "competitors" like Apple and Samsung so that you never try another search engine and have another one of those magic moments that sent all those Jeeves-askin' Yahooers to Google a quarter-century ago.

One of my favorite TV comedy bits is Lily Tomlin as Ernestine the AT&T operator; Tomlin would do these pitches for the Bell System and end every ad with "We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company":

https://snltranscripts.jt.org/76/76aphonecompany.phtml

Speaking of TV comedy: this week saw FTC chair Lina Khan appear on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It was amazing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaDTiWaYfcM

The coverage of Khan's appearance has focused on Stewart's revelation that when he was doing a show on Apple TV, the company prohibited him from interviewing her (presumably because of her hostility to tech monopolies):

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/apple-got-caught-censoring-its-own

But for me, the big moment came when Khan described tech monopolists as "too big to care."

What a phrase!

Since the subprime crisis, we're all familiar with businesses being "too big to fail" and "too big to jail." But "too big to care?" Oof, that got me right in the feels.

Because that's what it feels like to use enshittified Google. That's what it feels like to discover that Kagi – the good search engine – is mostly Google with the weights adjusted to serve users, not shareholders.

Google used to care. They cared because they were worried about competitors and regulators. They cared because their workers made them care:

https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2019/4/4/18295933/google-cancels-ai-ethics-board

Google doesn't care anymore. They don't have to. They're the search company.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

[sscardinal7]

Live stream happened, and we got some designs revealed! As well as a couple of information, but not anything major.

Miss conductor, not much of a surprise (but miss girl looks gorgeous as always)

And Node, who is sort of the main antagonist.

I made a prediction before, and April 21 hit,.. so I believe it is well due for an update by now.

While we did not receive nearly as much information as we were anticipating, a design still reveals much on the character itself when going through the lens of a general analysis. In this context, their abilities and name aid significantly in the status and essential depths of their character.

With what I can gather in my research, nodes play an important role in networking because they are the building blocks of a network, precisely the gateway for connection, direction, sending, creating, receiving, and storing data. It requires only software to connect to the network, and it can be run by completely anyone. Applying this knowledge with concept arts of the game and overall worldbuilding of the series itself—everything becomes a lot clearer.

So now, how can we apply this to Node?

Node's name is simple in itself, and it connects to their design as well. They are quite literally made up of nodes. One in their head and the other in their limbs. Their body is translucent.

Network nodes are categorical. Thanks to DJ, we got a helpful hint that incredibly reduced their types to a digestible and simpler layout.

Their name starts with i.

There are countless forms and types of nodes, the hint condensed it down to 2 answers, both starting with the letter “i”

Intermediate nodes

These include devices like routers and switches that help direct data to the correct destination while also receiving it. They don't originate or terminate data but instead pass it along to where it needs to go.

IoT nodes

loT (Internet of Things) Nodes serve as devices that establish connectivity to the Internet via a gateway, effectively enabling the integration of the physical world into the vast realm of the Internet. Within an loT ecosystem, these nodes function as crucial components for bridging the gap between the physical and virtual worlds. Taking charge of managing the entire loT system.

We had seen this ability before vía King's icons' staff, in which it only sucked in Minecraft mobs due to the strong force being their obligatory origin, overriding the game itself due to the overlapping icons.

In regards to King, he used this ability for the very destruction of the game itself, down to the code, reducing it to nothing but.. nothing for the sake of vengeance. Or at least what would have occurred if he did succeed.

way to go CG! Give credit where it's due

Despite this being marked with the intention of erasion and minimization, I think it's safe to group this as receiving and storing data. The two icons combined created a horrifically dramatized version of the force with storing and receiving, which created an incredibly overpowered demolishing force.

In Chosen, we had seen this ability before as well, as the constellations are seen right as he creates the gateway from the Outernet, which sounds awfully familiar. This is what you would refer to as an "extension to the digital world"

I think I can be able to safely group this to direction and creation.

From how I see it, it seems as though it's quite diverse in a fictional worldbuilding sense within characters.

And obviously, it won't be the last time we would see it. It seems as though we would be exploring this quite a lot.

In their cameo, Node is in an assumed line-up with all the major series antagonists.

But if you’re asking me, it seems as though our iconic antagonists appear to be rather victims of Node. Menacingly behind them, their abilities floating not far behind as they're stuck in a swampy substance. But that's just me.

Node's entire antagonistic ordeal is beyond my grasp, but I'm assuming their abilities and attacks surrounds the embodiment of network topology, which would mold and diverse into the connections of nodes. They possibly intend to screw up with the gateways that are responsible for the receiving, directing, and sending of data between various devices through communication links that are defined as network—with the basic visuals of concept art we were given.

(The gateway, ethernet tunnels, the train cough cough)

Node's goal and story behind that destruction remains anonymous, as the writing is still in early development. Regardless, food for thought.

[meetmeinanotherworld]

Things that helped me believe in shifting other than my own personal experiences...

This will be a loooong post so grab a snack for this one.

Shifting tattoos- the fact that so many people have gotten the shifting symbol permanently tattooed on their bodies despite how ridiculed the shifting community is. Tattoos are expensive and painful and to get them removed or covered up is even more expensive and even more painful. People get the shifting symbol tattooed onto their bodies knowing people will probably ask about it. They would not put themselves through that if shifting wasn't real.

The gateway process aka the cia documents- no, this document is not about shifting. However, the topics in the gateway process can certainly be tied to shifting realities and the fact that the cia even explored this shows that it's not a crazy concept. Of course the cia is not exactly a great source or a group to look up to as they are a terrible unethical organization, I think we can still appreciate the fact that there's a whole long document about the power of human consciousness. "It may not be the brain which creates consciousness, but rather the consciousness that creates the appearance of the brain" -a direct quote from the gateway process.

Old experiences- the fact that shifting has been documented long before 2020. Long before the internet even existed, actually. It just wasn't called shifting back then. That's a relatively new term, but the practice has always been around. Neville Goddard was sharing his experiences way back in the 50s/60s. The idea of exploring other worlds is also something that has been touched on in Hinduism and Buddhism and I believe some native tribes.

The ganzfeld experiment- again, not shifting related. Just really fucking cool. I recommend looking into it but to simplify it, it was an experiment testing for telepathic communication. Essentially, one person would be in a room with ping pong balls over their eyes in a red lit room and white noise played over headphones to block out external stimuli, while another person would be in another isolated room looking at different images. The receiver would have to describe the images. Approximately 835 ganzfeld sessions were conducted through 28 studies and they achieved telepathy 38% of the time. While that seems low, it is statistically a huge deal because in order for it to be "chance" it would have to be 25% or lower. The fact that our brains are capable of that makes it difficult to believe shifting isn't real and that's where the line draws.

Lady wonder, the psychic horse- I know that sounds fucking insane and once again is not shifting related. But lady wonder was a horse from the 20th century that was super smart and could spell things out. Not so crazy, right? WRONG. People started believing she was psychic because of how smart she was so they would ask her questions or even had her help solve crimes and she had a super high success rate. They even ran a test where they had scientists try to debunk it by having one person in another room write stuff on a notepad and lady wonder was in a separate room and spelled out everything they wrote down. She even helped find a little boys body that was missing. I'm sorry but if we live in a world with psychic horses, I'm going to believe I can shift to be with my crushes.

Communication through dreams- Researchers at REMspace have been studying lucid dreaming for a long time now and last year in September of 2024, they were able to successfully have two participants communicate to each other through a lucid dream for the first time. They tracked their brainwaves and when person a was in a lucid dream, they generated a random word to him through his earbuds. When person b became lucid, she was able to also receive that message and repeated that random word when she woke up, confirming successful communication through the lucid dream. If someone tried to suggest communicating through dreams five years ago, people would've scoffed at it the same way they do with shifting. This is a very recent discovery that shows what our brains are capable of and communicating through dreams doesn't sound much crazier than being able to shift our awareness to different versions of ourselves.

What we know now vs what we knew in the past- it feels very, very silly to act like everything we know now is all there is to know. Yeah, there haven't been really any studies into shifting realities. All we have are theories and people's shared experiences. But it's difficult to prove something that's not physical. We're still studying dreams and what they mean and how they work and we're still learning about the human consciousness. We may know a lot now, but we certainly don't know everything. Think about what we knew 50 years ago vs what we know now. We've learned a lot over the years. Now think about what we know now vs what we'll know in 50 years. It feels like we know a lot because we don't know what we don't know. But truthfully, in the grand scheme of things, we really don't know a lot. We're still learning new things about our universe and this planet every day.

People still sharing things about shifting today- if it was just a trend, it would have passed by now. It would have passed before 2020 even ended. The internet is horrible about keeping trends alive. Remember that fake TikTok movie thing that became a joke and people would make up lore and stuff about? It lasted like two weeks because people can't keep up with things like that. Trends and inside jokes do not last on the internet. But it's still going strong because it's not just a trend. It's real. Which leads me to my next point

The people that said they were lying- I know this is going to be a strange and unpopular opinion, but honestly, the fact that a small handful of people have come out as lying is very motivating to me. Hear me out. I used to have the mindset of like "oh no these people are lying is it all fake after all???" But in actuality, the fact that there has been a handful of people that have said they were lying and it wasn't real and even a couple that went super viral and yet people are still standing strong tells me no, it's not fake. They just didn't try hard enough and gave up. There have been so many opportunities for people to be like "ok yeah it was fake and I lied" but they haven't. If it was just an inside joke it so easily could've wrapped up by now. When TikTok was getting banned in January, so many shifttokers who knew they were losing their platform and had no reason to lie anymore still stood by the fact that it is real. Although I am not trying to give any credit to those antis that came out as liars because they suck and are horribly disrespectful and give shifters a bad look, it's still motivating knowing despite the liars, we're still standing strong.

People shifting without knowing they shifted- I've heard so many stories before shifting even became popular of people having these experiences. I remember a Reddit story that went viral years ago of a person who got injured or something and ended up living like an entire life with a wife and family and thought it was real until they noticed something was off and then they came back and all of that was gone. There are a bunch of stories of people having near death experiences and they see themselves die but end up being okay in actuality and they believe they shifted timelines. I heard a story someone shared completely unrelated to shifting where they were at a ski resort and somehow got separated from everyone and suddenly there was nothing there. Only snow and trees. No people, no resort. She was gone for hours and eventually saw this bright light and followed it to a subway and eventually made her way back to everyone but to them, she wasn't gone long at all. She said everything felt off and when she got home things were still feeling off like stuff in her room was in different places. She believes she shifted timelines and I believe her, especially because she didn't even frame it as a reality shifting experience.

The diversity in the shifting community- the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of us in the shifting community and we're all different. There are people of different ages, races, nationalities, gender, sexualities, different religious backgrounds, etc. There are people that have been shifting long before shifting blew up. There are people that have shifted that don't even post about it. We're all so different. Idk that just makes it more real to me.

The universe as a whole- the fact that we exist on this planet right now and that we are such a tiny spec in the universe is insane. The universe is constantly expanding and we will literally never be able to explore all of it. We have no idea what all is out there. What is the universe expanding into? How is it expanding? What existed before it? Obviously we know we're here because of the Big Bang but how did that even happen and align the way it did? Like of course I know science and stuff and I understand the theories, but it's just the fact that everything aligned the way it did. The universe is so massive we'll never be able to comprehend it. We came from tiny little atoms and evolved into human beings. I feel like we don't appreciate how insane that is enough. Energy can't be created or destroyed so we're all literally made of the universe. Oh, but shifting is so insane? Sorry, the existence of the universe and the fact that we even exist the way we do and somehow turned a planet made of dirt and rocks and water into what it is now with skyscrapers and airplanes and Bluetooth makes me believe we're capable of a lot more. Also the fact that it's proven that the fabric of space and time can bend..... right.

Tarot reading- another thing that is completely unrelated to shifting. It's more so the fact that tarot has existed for hundreds of years, since the 15th century, and is a pretty well respected practice. Of course there are scammers out there that give tarot reading a bad reputation, but it's been around so long and is amazing when done right. The fact that a deck of cards can be used as a tool to answer questions and look into the future. I have a friend who doesn't believe in tarot or really anything sort of "witchy" or anything like that. But he and his friends had tarot readings just for fun and he was so shocked and confused when the things the tarot reader said all started coming true. Like it truly shocked him. How is that more believable than just becoming aware of another version of ourselves? Like we already have all these capabilities within ourselves so why is shifting crossing the line?

Witchcraft and manifesting- kind of tying into the first point, witchcraft and manifestation are things that have been around for centuries. And even today, while shifting is something that is ridiculed, people are more open minded toward witchcraft and manifestation. There's still a lot of people that don't believe and think it's ridiculous, but there's also a lot of people that do believe even if they don't believe in shifting. And what is shifting if not just a more advanced version of manifestation? Yet so many people think shifting is ridiculous and made up because people are choosing to go to hogwarts while they still spend their time manifesting their desires. It's two sides of the same coin, babes.

This picture-

ALL OF THOSE ARE GALAXIES WE'LL NEVER EXPLORE!!!! And you wanna tell me it's crazy to think there's other realities out there???

Shiftblr- of course like many of us, I discovered shifting through shifttok right at the very, very beginning of it. I know many people hate shifttok, but it will always hold a special place in my heart. Despite that, the existence of shiftblr has solidified my beliefs way more than shifttok. You don't get clout or fame or money posting about shifting on tumblr. You don't gain anything posting on here. Yet the fact that thousands of people do, and most of them don't even get much attention from it at all tells me people are doing it for themselves. Because they believe. Because they've experienced it. And while I don't think people on tiktok are all liars and I don't think they're all trying to get clout because they also have to deal with horrible antis harassing them, there's also more of a possibility of people just trying to get attention or money. Again, I still enjoy shifttok, but tumblr feels more authentic. On tumblr, you don't even get to see how many followers people have.

Honestly, there's more I could get into but I have yapped long enough. This isn't even including my own personal experiences. I could ramble on about shifting and all the ties there are to it for so long but I think I hit the main points I wanted to get into. There's just one last thing I want to say before I wrap this up. If shifting didn't get popular from people going to hogwarts or the mcu or these "fictional" places that we perceive as fictional because they're just tv shows/movies/books in this reality, more people would believe in it. If it got popular because of more mundane things such as visiting a deceased family member or going on a dream vacation or reliving childhood memories, more people would be on board with shifting. But instead, they saw teenage girls talking about going to hogwarts and scoffed and rolled their eyes instead of considering all the possibilities.

[bhavanameti]

[hellspawnmotel]

Happy birthday! That sort of thing only comes around once per year...

You've discussed quite a bit on this blog about how gender plays into character writing, and the amount of nuance you provide on such topics is always incredibly fascinating to hear about! In particular, reading about how Deltarune subverts traditionally-gendered RPG archetypes provided me with very interesting angles to understanding tropes in fiction, and their inherent ties to gender roles.

So for a question of my own: are there any pieces of media that heavily influenced/challenged how you understand gender in fiction for any reason, or does the majority of that interest mostly correlate to your own experiences with girlhood? If you don't want to delve into any part of that question, then that's obviously valid; in general I mostly came here to say that I like your dissections of gender commentary lol

i really had to think about this one. i mean, obviously revolutionary girl utena was a huge influence, but i learned a lot more from watching other people analyze and dissect the show than the show itself. i was only 15 when i first watched it and didnt understand it at all, but wanted to. i dont think i really even began to understand it until i was an adult. I’ve also been watching, reading, and listening to other people review (complain about) things I’ve never seen since basically as long as I’ve been online, way before the term “video essay” was created. most of what i watched as a teenager wasn’t very smart or good but it did eventually act as a gateway into actually thoughtful and useful analysis as the internet evolved to enjoy such things. I also frequented tv tropes as a kid, which yknow also isn’t always good but it provided the framework for me to be able to understand and talk about tropes later on. I’ll always cite first watching princess tutu as my big “AHA!” moment when it comes to story analysis. i think it was the first “story about stories” I’d seen that i was able to understand and it made me really start thinking about tropes and cliches as something to be played with and thought about rather than something to just either accept or avoid. and of course the role of women in fairytales is a huge theme in princess tutu. that was also around the time i started getting into classic jrpgs- my first (other than the mother series) was chrono trigger, so i ended up really shocked and disappointed by how badly women were treated by most other games in the same genre in comparison. I had to learn and find the words to express why i was so mad, because god knows there was not much conversation around women in rpgs at that time other than “which is more badass” or “which is hotter” so i had to figure it out for myself.