#it CAN work. you CAN argue for it and make logical sense while doing so.

[charcubed]

sometimes you spend a couple hours working on writing out a post that no one needs and then you aren't even sure you want to finish it

[inkskinned]

it's because the bear wouldn't kill me just for being a woman. the bear doesn't kill me for fun. the bear can be shouted at, and will leave me alone. the bear won't make a tiktok complaining about how i crossed to the other side of the path when i saw him coming. if a bear kills me, it's just being a bear: it cannot understand logic. it is not acting out of malice - just fear or hunger.

bell hooks once wrote about how porches might be the only outside space left for women - it is still the domain of the house while it is also outside-but-safe. when i am in the woods, i am in the bear's home, and he has a right to defend his property. outside spaces - anywhere at night, certain parks in the day - those are often implicitly "owned" by men. i cannot explain the feeling of knowing when you have entered a man's "territory." you walk into a place and just know you are in their space. you get a sick sense - you're in danger.

the other day a group of about 8 men were fooling around in the woods while i walked my dog. i had to go around, take the extra 3 miles just to avoid them. it's okay, i like walking. this wasn't even a #feminism moment. it was just a tuesday.

what a plain and easy question. only one of the situations is seen as a tragic accident. i would rather die and have a park bench erected in my honor rather than have my family questioned about why they let me, an adult, walk in the woods in the first place when i should really be at home in the kitchen.

i worked in retail and food service. i have had women say and do absolutely heinous and abusive things to me - not because i was a woman, but because i was there, and they were angry. the way men treated me when angry was different - it was because i was a woman. you can always feel the difference, how there's an undertone of i'd hurt you worse if i could get away with it. i keep seeing people try to cite stupid statistics. why is there always a strange rage whenever women agree on things? like men can argue their way out of our lived experiences? it isn't a buzzfeed quiz - which of these traumas are you? 10 super cute ways not to fear strange men.

i have actually (thrice!) seen a bear in the wild, by the way. i died each time, obviously, and am a ghost writing to you. (it was scary but completely and utterly fine). the second encounter was a black bear with her cub. she looked at me like - do we have to do this or are we good? my dog was busy sniffing a bush, completely nonreactive. i felt like i was in a sitcom: feminist poet reacts - does she actually mean she'd choose the bear? my only thought was - she's so beautiful. her paws are massive.

and there's a part of me that feels the rage spinning out in a corner. why do we have to come up with quippy little comments in order to teach men empathy. would you rather die in a car accident or due to a mugging? and would you rather your house burn down due to an electrical fire or due to arson? gee willikers - it's almost like we're human people, and want to risk the accident versus the intention.

i would rather my last thought be oh shit, a bear rather than i'm a person too. why doesn't that matter? why don't you care?

[foolinafable]

thanks to tuffnut

Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III x Fem!Reader Synopsis: four of the many times hiccup was oblivious to the fact he was in love with you and the time he finally realised.  Word Count: 1.5K Tags: 4+1 fic, Fluff, Hiccups pov Note: started this ages ago and only just got inspired enough to finish it.

1. Searching for you in a crowd 

Hiccup would never admit it, even now that he is respected as the heir to the hairy hooligan tribe and his father is proud of him. That he still feels like an outsider. 

Maybe it’s because they see him as this dragon master and while he might be if he’s to listen to anything Fishlegs says- he feels like they don’t see anything else- he is still just the chief’s son, the future of the tribe or their saviour if any of his work on the edge was talked about. He was never just Hiccup to them, even to his friends they see him as this omnipotent being rather than just a teen like them- capable of making mistakes.

He suggests that this is why he prefers to have time alone- just him, toothless the ocean beneath them and the wind carrying them elsewhere, where he can be anything. 

Annoyingly, this is not something he can do now: walking into the great hall at dinner time. He can already feel the beginnings of a headache wracking his brain as he imagines the awkward conversations he is going to have with villagers about his work on the edge as of late or the nagging of his father and Gobber to come back to Berk so he can learn the ways of chiefdom- something he is unsure that he even wants.

Entering the great hall after a large exhale, Hiccup looks around, searching for something lips pursing when he can’t find it immediately. It is only when he walks closer to where his father is sat, calling out pleasantries to those who greet him on the way that his eyes lock onto your figure, listening intently to what Ruffnut and Tuffnut are saying. Following the movements of their arms with your eyes as they spoke animatedly about who knows what. Hiccup finds a small smile appear on his face at the sight of you, only looking away when his father claps a hand behind his back making him aware of his surroundings, turning towards his father struggling to listen to whatever issue his father needs resolving around Berk this time, his thoughts still surrounding his best friend, knowing that as long as you are here he can be himself, just Hiccup. As that was always more than enough for you and that idea alone makes him feel less like an outsider.

2. Missing you when apart

He was starting to regret saying you couldn’t come with him. Not that he doesn’t enjoy Astrid and (sometimes) Snotlout’s company, but it clearly isn’t the same. While he usually enjoys scouting missions as they are a peaceful opposition to the dangerous missions they have had as of late, you typically come with him. 

But he knows that you cannot leave the edge defenceless and Astrid was complaining about not getting out with Stormfly enough- so it all made sense logically for Astrid to come instead and for you to stay on land, protecting the dragon eye lenses the group had hidden.

He couldn’t trust anyone more which is why he was confused as to why he felt so anxious. Even Toothless could notice the angst radiating off his rider, making a noise of questioning at Hiccup when he was quieter than normal, not even going over the route the group were scouting- something he usually did a hundred times until the group got annoyed at him. Not even playfully joking with Snotlout about who was the better cousin until Astrid would make a comment that would set Snotlout off arguing with her.

Instead, the three riders sat in somewhat awkward silence with Astrid and Snotlout starting at each other trying to gauge if the other knew what was wrong with the boy and who was going to ask him as seemingly neither wanted to as usually you would look after Hiccup when he got like this but you were back on the edge and honestly Astrid was wishing she didn’t kick up such a fuss about her and Stormfly’s lack of action as even being bored back on the edge was better than being sat in this haunting silence.

It was only upon returning to the edge that the two saw his mood pick up, he nearly crashed Toothless into the ground at the speed he dismounted causing the other two to look around in panic until they saw him running towards you and then it all made sense. The two snickering slightly as they realised that he was only in a foul mood because you weren't around.  

3. You looking after him when he gets sick

“It was only a matter of time” you muttered to him as you bundled him up in his blankets and he knew that you were right, you had been telling him for weeks to wear some warmer clothes during his flights with Toothless and his lack of listening has left him bedridden with a horrible cold, head pounding, nose blocked and red cheeks. He could only imagine the state of him somehow shaking and sweating all at the same time. He would’ve replied with something teasing if his throat didn’t feel so scratchy so he simply settled for a huff which made you laugh quietly in return. 

“Okay, I will stop being mean, but only if you get some sleep” you reasoned with the boy as he whined at the idea thinking of everything he had to today 

“I will get Astrid and Fishlegs to take your jobs for the day- can't have you getting any sicker what would your Father say?” you continued and at these words, the boy stopped fussing, the exhaustion finally catching up to him. 

“Have a good sleep Hiccup, I will be here when you wake up,” you muttered as he dozed off.

 For some reason, Hiccup couldn’t understand those words made him feel so much better.  

4. When his dad mentions you

Small talk with his father even after all this time was still somewhat awkward, like the feeling of your skin being too big for your bones. But, it was much better than it used to be or at least Hiccup usually believed it was. Still, today he would give anything to be anywhere but sit with his dad in their family home as he couldn’t stop going on about you and possibly betrothals something Hiccup knew would annoy you.

“I heard a lot of the boys around here want to ask for her hand, so maybe you should get a move on” Stoick spoke trying to hint at the boy's clear feelings for you

“I- what?” Hiccup asked confused, when had he ever shown interest in that?

“Oh it's nothing” Stoick tried to cover his tracks feeling Hiccups in annoyance at his words ‘you two just remind me of myself and a special someone when I was younger” 

“What are you and Gobber? I’m sure she will be very flattered by those words Dad” Hiccup laughed before quickly taking his leave before his father could sprout out any more nonsense. 

“Me and your mother” Stoick muttered but Hiccup was already gone, probably halfway back to the edge due to how fast he bolted out the door.  

5. The realisation

Watching you interact with Toothless was one of Hiccup's favourite things to do. Seeing his dragon take a shine to you just as much as he does makes a warmth spread all over his body in a comforting way. 

“Hiccup, my brother! What’s happening?” Tuffnut called out as he made his way towards the boy Hiccup quickly looked away from you for some reason embarrassed to be nearly caught by the boy, his cheeks red and hot

“Not- not a lot” Hiccup tried to smile but it came off uneasy much like his words. To his luck, Tuffnut didn't seem to notice instead looking at where Hiccup had his eyes trained just moments before before looking back at the boy 

“Don’t worry I see” Tuffnut nodded in understanding causing Hiccup to become confused 

“See what?” he questioned the peculiar boy 

“You were finally building up the courage to ask her out!” Tuffnut declared “I mean it’s about time everyone knows you have the biggest crush on her! Don’t let me stop you, in fact, I wasn't even here!” the boy quickly ran off as Hiccup's thoughts whirled around his brain about what on earth was Tuffnut on about he didn’t have a crush on you. No way. I mean sure you are the first person he looks for in a crowd of people, he gets irritable when you aren't with him on missions, you are the only one he would want looking after him and his father loves you but that doesn't mean he likes you right- your his best friend he couldn't possibly- could he? 

Then it hit Hiccup, he did have the biggest crush on his best friend, more than a crush really. He was irrevocably in love with you and to make matters worse Tuffnut knew before he did.  

[navybrat817]

Hold You Tight: Part 22

Pairing: Club Owner!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Fic Summary: The owner of The 107th wants you to be his girl whether you like it or not.

Part 21 | Series Masterlist | Part 23

Chapter Word Count: Over 3.8k

Chapter Summary: Bucky decides to take you to the club where you have a chat with Natasha.

Chapter Warnings: Aftermath of physical assault, tension, mention of violence and threats, inner turmoil, crying, kissing, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?), more warnings to come.

A/N: More Hold You Tight. Thank you again for sticking with me! Bucky edit by the beautiful @nixakimbo . ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby but any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-in-darkness . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

Silence stretched on as Bucky glared at his phone, and you felt uncomfortable with each second that passed. You managed to steal a glance at Curtis who gave a quick shake of the head in response. You sensed he wasn’t about to interrupt whatever thoughts were going through his boss’s mind, but you couldn’t take it.

“What are you going to do?” you asked.

He considered your question with a barely there smile. “I’m going to ignore him.”

You exchanged another look with Curtis who only shook his head again. “Is that a good idea?” you asked.

“I need to talk with the bastard who touched you before I talk to him,” he said. He was out for blood, but he was still thinking somewhat logically. If he spoke to him now, who knew how that would go? “I also want him to squirm.”

Of course, he did. “Should we call Natasha? Because I know you don’t want me to be alone while you… deal with that.”

“No, I don’t,” he confirmed, dialing and putting it on speakerphone.

It didn’t take long for her to answer. “Wasn’t expecting to hear from you, Barnes. Did you upset your girl again? Because whatever happened, I’m likely going to be on her side.”

Curtis snorted before Bucky shot him a glare. “My girl was attacked,” he growled.

You put a hand on his arm. The last thing he needed to do was get worked up. “Is she okay? What the hell happened?” Natasha asked, all traces of her previous sarcasm gone. Her concern was touching. “And who the hell did it?”

“I’m okay,” you assured her. “Well, I’m as okay as I can be,” you added because you weren’t completely okay. No one in your position would be.

“I’ve got the bastard at my club, and I’m going to have a very long talk with him,” he said, fire in his eyes when he looked at you. “No one touches you and gets away with it.”

Except for Bucky himself.

“If she’s okay and you have the guy, why are you calling me? I can’t imagine it’s because you want me to get a hit in, though I wouldn’t mind.”

Bucky smirked. “I know you wouldn’t, but I need you to come to the club and keep an eye on my girl while I handle it,” he said. You knew an order when you heard one. You also figured Bucky didn’t want Natasha alone with you in the penthouse. There was trust between them, but only to an extent.

“You’re really bringing her there?” she asked, muttering something under her breath that you couldn’t catch. “Jesus, you’re not going to make her watch are you?”

You shuddered. A very small fraction of you wanted to witness it and maybe hurt Clark yourself for what he did, but the core of who you were held you back. You weren’t holding Bucky though, were you? You knew whatever happened to Clark wasn’t going to end well, and were you any better than Bucky by letting him dispense his own brand of justice?

Guilt was going to stain your soul and you wanted to desperately wash it away.

“No, she’s going to rest in my office, but I’d rather she not be alone given the circumstances and she suggested that you stay with her,” he said.

“Please,” you said.

“Kotyonok, you don’t have to say please,” Bucky said.

“No, but you should. She isn’t a soldier for you to order around, so use your manners,” you argued, seeing a smile tug at Curtis’s lips. “I understand if you can’t, Natasha,” you said to her. She couldn’t drop everything to watch over you.

“I need to wrap up one thing and I’ll head over if Bucky says ‘please’,” she said after a moment.

Bucky exhaled through his nose when you sweetly smiled. “Will you please watch over my girl?”

“Of course,” she answered easily.

You visibly relaxed. “Thanks.” You weren’t sure how many of the details you’d give her about what happened, but you could ask her about the self-defense lessons.

“Us girls have to stick together,” she said. You suspected she was smiling. “And so you’re aware, Barnes, I’m doing this for her, not you.”

“I know. Just be there,” Bucky said, hanging up without another word.

Curtis assessed you with a cool gaze before he smiled. “You’re sweet, but you’re a little badass, too,” he commented, crossing his arms and turning that cool gaze toward his boss. “I’m really going to enjoy those brownies.”

An arm snaked around your waist before you could respond that you were anything but a badass. “Those brownies are the only thing of hers you’re going to taste because she’s mine,” Bucky said in a low voice.

Heat shot up your neck to your cheeks. “Oh, my god. You’re like a well-dressed caveman, I swear,” you said, pulling away. You hoped Bucky wouldn’t fire Curtis after tonight. “Do you have something I can change into before we go?”

The amusement faded from Curtis’s eyes when he looked at the tear in your cardigan. He looked almost as upset as Bucky. “Yeah, I have a few things,” Bucky answered, leading you down the hall. “Get the car started, and bring her water and a snack with you,” he said over his shoulder.

“Please,” you added, rubbing your temple. “Manners cost nothing.”

“I use manners with you, don’t I?” he teased before he stopped you at the bedroom door. “How’s your head?”

“Hurts a little,” you admitted, seeing his lips set in a grim line. He kissed your forehead a heartbeat later, his lips tenderly brushing your skin. “I wish that took the pain away.”

You weren’t just talking about the headache. You wished he could really be your knight in shining armor who made the hurt stop. He caused so much of this pain, but he still showed up when you were in need. Was he going to help you heal or tear the wounds back open?

“I wish it did, too,” he whispered, letting you go ahead of him. “Closet’s on the right. I can have you take something for your head once we’re in the car.”

You searched for the light and gasped once you turned it on. It was one of the biggest closets you had ever seen, complete with built in shelves and a seating area. The left side was filled with suits, shoes, and more for Bucky. The right side was only half full with dresses and various outfits. There were a few pairs of shoes and handbags, too. You didn’t have to look to know that everything was in your size.

“When did you do this?” you asked, turning around to face him. You expected him to breathe down your neck, but he kept a respectable distance.

“Early on,” he said, tilting his head. “You look surprised.”

“I knew you had pajamas here for me, but I didn't expect more. Thank you,” you said. You weren't sure why you were surprised. He told you countless times you’d be moving in. “If you had clothes for me, why ask if I wanted a whole new wardrobe?”

“Because there's still lots of space to fill up,” he pointed out.

“You said part of the fun of gift giving is surprising the receiver.”

“And you said part of the fun of shopping is picking out your own stuff. You specifically said the next time we went shopping that you wanted to pick everything yourself.”

You ran your fingers along one of the dresses, wanting to be angry as you remembered the incident at the shop. You couldn't find the anger within. There was… something else there instead. “So you listened to me?”

“I always listen to you,” he replied.

“No, you don't, but I do believe you hear every word I say,” you said. There was a big difference between hearing and listening.

He sighed and took your hand. “I’m trying, Kotyonok.”

“I know, Bucky,” you smiled sadly. Bucky was used to being in charge, used to everyone following his orders. You pushed back, challenged him. It had to be foreign territory for him, as much as he said he liked your fire. “And I appreciate it.”

He took a few steps closer when you went to pick a new outfit for yourself. “This really isn’t how I wanted you to be here.”

“What was your plan if I refused to move in?” you asked, not looking at him as you went through the drawers. There was more jewelry for you, too. Between the library and this, he wasn’t kidding about spoiling you.

“I’m sure you remember that Thor and Sam invest in real estate,” he said. You hummed in acknowledgement. “I would’ve had the building bought and forced you out of your place.”

You laughed, a small and sad sound. It wasn’t a shock since it was implied that they were aware of your neighborhood and were interested in a possible investment. Hearing Bucky admit it though, not even bothering to lie or sound ashamed... “You would’ve forced me out of there just to get what you want?”

“What we want. Love and happiness. Together,” he said with fierce determination that bordered on his usual obsession.

Your nails dug into your palms, but only for a moment. “Turn around or leave, please, so I can change,” you said, too emotionally exhausted to deny or argue since love and happiness were things you wanted and he knew it.

“Do you think I’m going to try something?” he asked, sounding hurt.

“I think we're both feeling a lot of emotions, you desperately want me, and your control is hanging on by a thread,” you replied, daring to look at him. There was so much longing in his eyes and his fingers twitched like he wanted to touch you, whether it was to leave his mark or erase Clark’s touch. “And we know that line shouldn’t be crossed tonight.”

He was going to take you to bed eventually. Coaxing you or wearing you down, it was inevitable. He wouldn’t do it tonight though. Not when he wanted revenge on Clark and still needed answers.

It didn't stop him from looking conflicted when he nodded. “I’ll be right outside,” he said, leaving you alone.

Once you determined he wasn’t going to walk back in, you stripped down. The urge to scream rose up when you stared at the discarded cardigan. It was meant to keep you warm, but all you could do was shiver when you thought of your friends at the winery and Clark putting his hands on you. Wiping at your eyes, you threw something simple and comfortable on. You couldn’t keep Bucky waiting.

Bucky stood right beside the door as you walked out, his jaw tight. He must’ve noticed you had gotten teary-eyed again. “You’re breaking my heart,” he whispered, reaching for your hand. “I know what happened isn’t going to fade overnight, but I’ll make you feel safe again. I’ll make you smile, too.”

“You’re a determined man,” you said. In some ways, you felt a little safer. Your library and panic room were safe. He was going to get you a panic button. Ray and Curtis had an eye on you. You had a feeling Bucky wouldn't let you stray too far away from him for a while.

As far as him making you smile, you wondered how he planned to do that.

You didn’t speak when Bucky took you to the car, silently drinking and eating while he stayed tense beside you. Curtis didn't say a word either. Your stomach turned, but it had nothing to do with your head. There was tension in the vehicle, each passing second bringing Bucky closer to unleashing his rage on someone who dared to hurt you.

“What would your mom have done if someone put a hand on you?” you finally asked to break the silence.

“She would've been compassionate but firm. Protective but encourage me to speak up and defend myself. And she would've made sure that person never laid a finger on me ever again,” he said proudly.

Your heart ached as you thought of your parents. They’d never know what happened to you because they’d never bother to ask how you were doing and you’d never bother to tell them because they wouldn't fight for you. Brick by brick it was another wall you put up. Bucky continued to hand you the tools to build it, all while tearing down the wall you tried to put between you and him.

“I want to do something normal tomorrow,” you said, voluntarily resting your head on Bucky’s shoulder. The gesture helped him relax. You, too. “Something besides resting.”

“How about that pizza and a movie date night we talked about?” he suggested, tenderly rubbing your arm. “That’s normal.”

“Can I pick the movie?”

“You can pick whatever movie you want,” he promised.

You lifted your head to gaze at him. “I know I can’t stop you from doing whatever it is you’re going to do,” you began. There would be no reasoning with him in that matter. “But how can I help you after?”

He tried not to give anything away, but his eyes filled with shock. “You… want to help me?”

“I don’t know what kind of mood you’ll be in once you’re done. I don’t know if you’ll want attention and be clingy or if you’ll want to be alone so you can cool off. So when it’s said and done, please, tell me what you need so I can give it to you to the best of my ability,” you answered.

You were tired of walking on eggshells. You wouldn't do it in your new home. If you were going to be with him, you had to know how to handle him after something of this magnitude.

You heard him sigh before his lips touched yours. “I just need you,” he whispered, your heart fluttering when he kissed you again, deeper. It wasn’t forceful though. It was slow and deliberate without pushing or taking too much. He didn’t try to pull you back in either when you pulled away. That was progress.

“We’re here,” Curtis said.

“I’m going to help you after this, too, however I can,” he promised, brushing a soft kiss against your lips and helping you out of the car.

Who knew this incident was something that would bring you closer together?

You spotted Natasha leaning against a sleek black car with a bored look on her face. “How did I beat you here?” she asked before locking eyes with you. There was sympathy and concern there. “This wasn’t how I wanted to see you again.”

“The feeling’s mutual,” you said, glancing at the sign for the club. It was strange not seeing it lit up.

“Let’s get inside,” Bucky ordered, giving you a slight smile. “Please.”

Natasha brushed by Curtis. “Everett.”

“Romanoff,” he acknowledged.

There was no bass reverberating through the walls, no signs of patrons drinking and dancing. No Hal at the bar or Jax or Ari keeping watch. The usual energy of nightlife and sex and fun were nowhere to be found. Minus the footsteps across the floor, there was no other sound.

“Ray,” you whispered when he came through a door. He looked as pristine as always, but the hard blinks gave away his agitation.

“Everyone’s downstairs, boss,” he said, pushing his glasses up. “Are you alright?” he asked you, his voice much softer.

Bucky’s hold tightened on you once again. You were really going to have to work on his possessive streak, especially when it came to his own men. “I’m as okay as I can be,” you said, giving him a small smile.

“Let me take her up to the office and I’ll be right down,” Bucky said.

When you imagined the look of a killer, you imagined something lifeless and empty. Bucky’s eyes were always full of fire and passion when it came to you. But the cold look that crossed his face when he walked you to his office, you saw a glimpse of the danger he spoke about. Clark wasn’t going to get any mercy or care from Bucky.

“The couch is pretty comfortable to sleep on and there’s a fridge and some food, too, if you’re still hungry,” he said, grabbing a pillow and blanket that he had stashed away. “If you need me, push the red button on the right side of my desk.”

“I think I'll be okay,” you said, taking a seat on the couch while Natasha took one of the chairs.

Bucky tipped your chin up. “I don’t know how long I’ll be, but try to get some rest,” he said, leaning down. You expected a kiss, but he just brushed his nose against yours. “And I know you can’t say you love me yet, but just know that I love you and this is all for you.”

You exhaled when he straightened up. Was it all for you? “Please, be careful and don’t lose yourself,” you said. Whatever demon was going to surface within Bucky tonight couldn’t permanently stay because it would destroy you both if it did.

“I won’t lose myself.” The smile he gave you could’ve melted hearts. “I have you to come back to.”

With that, Bucky left the office and shut the door behind him.

“Well,” Natasha said, leaning forward in her chair. “I have a feeling you won’t be going to sleep right away.”

“No, I won’t,” you agreed. You couldn’t since your mind was racing with too many thoughts of what happened and what would happen.

“You don’t have to say a word,” she assured you. “If you do want to talk about what happened though, I’ll listen.”

You told her everything. How Clark used to come into the shop for roses for Lois. How he tried to give you flowers and showed up when you weren’t at the shop. How upset he was when you turned down his offer for coffee and how he was waiting for you tonight. The hatred he seemed to have for Bucky, the mention of a powerful friend, that he didn’t confirm or deny that it was Zemo. What he did once he was in your apartment, Bucky and some of his men saving you. All of it. And by the time you finished, you were sniffling and exhausted.

Natasha, looking as cool and calm as always, handed you a tissue. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that. You don’t deserve it.”

You blew your nose. “No one deserves it,” you said. It wasn’t something you’d wish on anyone.

“If you need a place a stay-”

“I’m in the penthouse now, which is exactly what Bucky wanted all along,” you said, and you believed Bucky when he said it wasn’t how you were supposed to eventually be there. “I appreciate the offer though.”

“Okay. I’ll back off for now.” She tapped a finger against the chair arm. “May I say something else?”

“I won’t stop you.”

“The powerful friend of Clark’s may be Zemo, but I don’t think he would’ve ordered him to attack you the way he did. If you had resisted going with Clark and it was really on Zemo’s orders, he should’ve backed off instead of laying a hand on you.”

“But Zemo lost his wife and kid. Maybe he wouldn’t care if I got hurt,” you said. Losing loved ones like that could drive people to do extreme things.

“He’s more strategic than that and he knows someone hurting you could start a war,” she said, shaking her head. If that was true and Clark took matters into his own hands, what did that mean for Zemo? “Something isn’t adding up here. We have to talk to Barnes when he’s done.”

Your fingers twisted in the blanket. The entire situation was so much to take in. “Am I a bad person for not stopping Bucky?” you asked suddenly.

“What? No. No.” She straightened up and shook her head. “Don't do that to yourself.”

“But I know he’s going to hurt Clark. Maybe kill him. And I-”

“You’re not a bad person, do you hear me?” Natasha left her chair to sit near you, but kept a distance and made sure she didn’t touch you. “Listen to me. Clark crossed boundaries and attacked you. Barnes crossed boundaries, too, but he never once went to that level. Even if a part of you does want revenge it doesn't make you a bad person. Wanting justice makes you human.”

“But Bucky’s making his own brand of justice.”

“They have their own rules when it comes to what's theirs and someone put their hands on the top dog’s girl. He can't let that slide. None of those men can,” she said.

That was the world you lived in now. “So, even though you believe I have power over Bucky, I couldn't have stopped him if I tried?” you asked.

“As powerful as you are, even if you got down on your knees and begged, it wouldn't stop him from doing what he thinks he has to do in this situation,” the redhead answered. You were afraid of that. “But you don't have to carry that guilt. Their actions, Clark’s, Bucky’s, any of them, they chose those paths. Not you.”

“Thank you,” you whispered, dabbing at your eyes with a fresh tissue. “Sorry for crying.”

“After everything you’ve been through, it would worry me if you didn’t cry.”

You had to laugh since she had a point. “I told Bucky I want to be able to defend myself in case anything happens again. I’d really like it if you could teach me.”

You didn’t have to tell her that you didn’t want a man teaching you. She was smart, intuitive. “I’d love to teach you. Just tell me when you want to start and I’ll make it happen,” she said, sighing when her phone went off. “I’m sorry. It’s my sister.”

“Take it,” you said. She had already done enough by listening to you and agreeing to the self-defense lessons.

“Yelena, I’m kind of busy at the moment,” she answered, gripping her phone tighter. “He’s what?”

“What’s the matter?” you asked, though it was none of your business.

Natasha pulled the phone away from her ear. “My sister’s a block away from the club. Want to take a guess who she’s following?”

“Zemo?” you guessed, your stomach sinking again. Was he coming here because Bucky ignored his message?

“Yep, but don’t worry. She’ll make sure he doesn’t make it inside.”

Whether Zemo got into the club or not, you were going to get answers. It was the least you deserved. Because this was your life, and you were tired of people playing with it like you were a doll.

I'm so glad Natasha is there for our girl. Is she onto something with Zemo? And we may get a surprise in the next update. 😏 Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

[olderthannetfic]

I have conflicted feelings about the whole "copeganda" thing. On the one hand of course police procedurals have problems, portray cops of the good guys, etc. show rule breaking to get the "bad guy" as valid. i do see the problem there.

But on the other hand it feels like anti logic to say "you enjoyed x tv show so clearly you condone real world atrocities, you horrible person." And then you see people claiming that sam vimes or ACD Sherlock holmes are copeganda. or that fans watching a show where their fav actor plays a police officer are clearly racist. Or that all little kids who like paw patrol are somehow suspect or corrupted. And I worry we've lost the plot to another x media / depicting x is unredeemable crusade rather than trying to be mindful of the biases and messages in media.

Idk. Thoughts?

--

Copaganda is dangerous because it's a staple of CBS prime time et al. It tends to do things like make Internal Affairs evil in all cases. Even when you get the rare IA character who was arguably good for like 6 seasons or something, they'll still go evil for drama late in a show's run. (CSI: Miami, I'm looking at you.)

This is media with a massive reach that almost always reinforces a host of already extremely common social values, so it's going to be extra impactful relative to something like House of the Dragon incest.

We had some discussion here in the past about the measurable real world effect of B99 on people's opinions of the real NYPD. I'm much more willing to entertain people's fears about media when there are measurable effects and the audience size is large. I don't think we should ban cop shows, but there's a reason I like Miami Vice so much: it's noir, so everyone is horrible, including the authorities. While it was still extremely establishment-y, it managed to question the system a lot more than most of these simply by virtue of being a much darker show.

Mystery genre of various types isn't going away. It's a genre that really is copeganda: It's about social order being restored and making the world make sense.

We can be aware of some of the more insidious messages and push back against them though. It's like the torture thing: a lot of media wants to argue about whether the ends justify the means, but that whole complex philosophical can of worms is irrelevant since torture doesn't produce useful results in the first place.

Copaganda tends to not only make cops seem cool but portray villains stereotypically, demonize the important work of investigating cops themselves, justify police brutality, etc. There are a lot of specific problems that do not have to exist in media about cops solving mysteries. These are choices that mainstream US tv is making.

--

One thing I will say though... Mystery as a genre, including the worst of US cop shows, has often been far ahead of sff in diversity and even exploring contentious social topics. Geeks tend to think sff is so ahead of its time, but it's often pretty stick-in-the-mud compared to crime stuff. (Cue all the individual examples where it's the opposite way. Haha.)

[youcancallmedrrobby]

A Safe Distance

Rating: M, for language (probably unnecessary but 🤷‍♀️)

Summary: Robby comes home from work feeling under the weather. Fear takes over and he pulls away from the man who wants nothing more than to help him. (Or: Jack tries to get a sick Robby to open up to him.)

Notes: This is over 3,000 words which I certainly did not intend for lol. Your classic hurt/comfort sickfic story featuring Rabott.

Link to AO3, or read below the cut.

Jack Abbot loved Sunday nights. While the rest of the world lamented heading back into the office, it was the one night a week he was guaranteed to have off. The one night a week he and Robby were guaranteed to have together. Too often, brief patient hand-offs would be their only interactions for days at a time, but not on Sundays.

It was just after 7:30 when Jack heard the familiar jingle of keys fishing for the lock. The time it took Robby to unlock the door was usually an indication of how his shift had gone. Some nights, Robby’s hands were so fatigued that Jack swore his dexterity was infantile in nature. He couldn’t fault him though; he knew the feeling. The adrenaline that got them through a tough shift always wore off once they stepped out of the ED. They’d come home so exhausted, and battle worn that a simple task like lining up a key felt herculean.

It was clear that whatever had happened during Robby’s shift had left him wiped. Jack was halfway to the door, when it finally swung open. His smile quickly faded when he saw Robby, his tired eyes peaking over the brim of a blue surgical mask.

“What-?”

Robby took a step back and held up a hand. Jack stopped mid-stride.

“Keep your distance. I think I’m coming down with something.” Robby maneuvered into the house maintaining a wide birth between himself and Jack. He ducked his head, not making eye contact. As if whatever affliction was taking over his body could be transferred with a mere glance. “I’m just here to grab a couple things. I’m going to stay at a hotel for a few nights.”

“Hold on.” Jack shook his head trying to make sense of what Robby had just said. “You’re going to a hotel because you’re not feeling well?”

Robby nodded. “We had a few COVID cases last week.”

“Did you do a test?” Jack folded his arms. He knew that arguing with Robby when his mind was made up was usually a losing battle, but that would never stop him from trying.

“The rapid was negative.”

“Well, that’s promising.” Jack offered optimistically, unsure of why they were even having this conversation then.

“The rapids aren’t always accurate.” He watched as Robby’s brows furrowed together, and Jack could tell where his mind was headed. “You know Adamson’s rapid was negative in the morning, and he was our patient by lunch.”

“And you know they’re more accurate than they are wrong.” There was a logical part of Robby’s brain that knew this, of course, but he couldn’t turn off the noise. “And that was five years ago. The rapid tests have improved since then.”

“I need a PCR to rule it out definitively, but everything is backed up. Fucking Gloria…” he shook his head, and Jack imagined the rant Robby would go on if he had been feeling halfway decent. “I’ll just be a second.”

“Hey, slow down.”

This seemed to pull Robby out of his trance for a moment. He stopped halfway to the bedroom and turned to face the other man.

“What, Jack?” His voice was strained. Exhausted from the illness and whatever else was weighing on his mind.

“Just take a breath and let’s talk for a second.” Jack inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly through his mouth hoping that Robby would do the same. He didn’t. “How can I help?”

“By keeping six feet away from me.” Robby was on the move again. He opened the hall closet and grabbed a black duffle from its perch on the top shelf.

“Michael…”

“I’m being serious. I feel like shit and whatever this is,” he gestured towards himself, “I don’t want you to catch it too.”

Jack wanted to respect his boundaries, but it was difficult to keep his distance. Still, he knew that Robby would have to come to him. If he pushed too hard, Robby might run.

Once, when he was about nine, Jack and some friends had found a dog hiding in a ballfield dugout. It was skittish, blind in one eye, and missing part of its left ear. A few of the other kids called it ugly. Jack didn’t see anything besides its fear. As the group got closer, the mutt growled and bared its teeth. When the others ran away in a fit of laughter and screams, Jack stayed. He spent the entire afternoon coaxing the canine into trusting him.

Homer lived another eight years. Most of that time was spent following Jack around the house, tail flicking, and never wanting for anything again.

“Just… talk to me for a second. Please.” Robby stopped again, and Jack took that as permission to pry a little more. “Are you achy?”

“Yeah.”

“It come on fast?”

Robby sat down on the couch. Jack watched as he cradled his head and rubbed at his temples with uneasy fingers. “Yeah.”

“Your head hurting?”

“Look, I really should leave. Are we done playing 21-Questions?”

“Not even close.” Jack smiled, and it eased Robby just enough to confess…

“Honestly, everything hurts, Jack.”

“Sounds flu-ish.”

“I know,” Robby sighed in agreement. “The whole city is in the middle of a damn spike.”

Jack nodded. He had seen several influenza cases himself the night before. They had both always stayed on top of their vaccines, but this year’s strain had been particularly nasty. Half the hospital had come down with it at some point, it only made sense that it had finally caught up to Robby.

“Well, I think you should stay then.” Jack countered.

Robby let out a sigh and swiveled his head in contemplation. He didn’t want to leave; he wanted Jack to hold him. He wanted to curl into the warmth of Jack’s body and let himself unravel in his safe embrace. But the worries were too much.

There was the reality that if he and Jack were both sick, the hospital would be down two senior physicians. They’d manage, but he would hate to put that additional stress on their team. But all of that was minor leagues compared to the fear that he could cause harm to Jack.

He played through every disaster scenario in his mind. What if Jack got sick and developed encephalitis? Myocarditis? Reye’s syndrome? All were improbable complications, but not impossible. The risk, no matter how small, wasn’t a chance Robby was willing to take. Jack’s safety was worth more than a few nights on an uncomfortable hotel bed.

Finally, Robby shook his head, “I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“If this is the flu, and we both know it is, then I’ve already been exposed a hundred times since Tuesday. Hell, maybe I was asymptomatic and passed it onto you.”

It was true, they were both constantly exposed to disease and Jack had been a little lethargic the week before. Maybe that was from his body fighting off the virus. The urge to give in and stay at their apartment returned, but that nagging fear just wouldn’t leave Robby alone.

His brain felt like it was on fire, but it wasn’t clear to him if that was from indecision or the fever that he was pretty sure he had.

Jack made the mistake of taking a step towards the couch. Robby jumped to his feet. Swaying momentarily before heading towards the kitchen. His knuckles whitened as he steadied himself carefully against the counter. Jack raised a brow.

“You okay there, boss?”

Robby nodded but Jack could see the uneasiness of his balance. He was keeping a running list of symptoms – aches, fever, mild vertigo, probably some pharyngitis based on the sound of his voice.

“When did all of this start?”

“I don’t know.” Robby poured himself a glass of water from the tap.

Jack gave him an incredulous look, arms folded tight across his chest.

“I guess around noon.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Jack’s heart sank. He knew it wasn’t about him, but he hated when Robby pulled away like this. “I could have covered the rest of your shift.”

“Can we just drop it?”

He lowered his mask and downed the glass of water. When he did, Jack was able to get a fleeting look at Robby’s face. Cheeks flushed pink with fever, complexion paler than usual, dark bags weighing down his eyes.

“Michael…” he offered softly, but the other man turned away in response.

“Just give me five minutes and I’ll be gone.”

“Fuck you.” Jack almost laughed as he shook his head.

“Fuck me?” Robby responded, clearly taken aback.

“Yeah.” Jack nodded – their eyes locked, his stare blaring into Robby’s soul. “Fuck. You.”

“Why fuck me?”

“We’ve got a good thing going here, and I don’t know,” he shrugged. He was done with waiting for Robby to come to him. “Sometimes I think it was easier when we were just friends. Like the closer we got, the more you built up this stupid wall. You gotta let me back in, man. I can’t wait out here forever.”

“It’s not…” Robby’s eyes looked glassed over. He rubbed a hand through his hair as he searched for the right words. Frustration built inside of him as he struggled to articulate what he was thinking. Finally – “I’m not trying to push you away.”

“Then what’s going on with you?” There was a bite in his voice that he didn’t necessarily regret.

“It’s just – fuck…” Robby tossed his hands in the air and groaned. He rubbed at the frustration budding behind his eyes with clenched fists. He knew Jack wasn’t going to let it go until he got an answer. “I just couldn’t live with myself, okay? I couldn’t live with myself if you got sick because of me and, you know… if you got sick because of me and something happened to you, I… fuck. I can’t lose you like him, Jack.”

There it was. The thing Robby had been afraid to say out loud. The thing Jack had already surmised from the moment they’d started talking.

Jack knew a lot of people who struggled when they returned home from combat. That’s what a war zone did to you – it left some marks visible, and a thousand more below the surface waiting to be discovered. For Robby, the burden of protecting others had multiplied throughout the pandemic. Even as things began to ease, his hypervigilance remained steadfast.

“People get sick, Michael.” Jack’s voice was softer now. His eyes remained locked onto Robby even when the man didn’t return his gaze. “And, yeah, it sucks for a few days, but they get better. Usually. We have the shitty misfortune of seeing the people who don’t, and it skews us. It tricks our minds into thinking that the worst-case scenario is the most likely outcome but that’s not the reality. You’re overestimating risk and underestimating your ability to cope.”

Robby was silent as he replayed Jack’s words in his mind. Dissecting and analyzing them to see if he could let himself believe their truth, even if only for a minute. He sighed, hung his head, and rubbed at the back of his neck. When Robby finally looked up, Jack knew his words had gotten through.

“Your therapist teach you all that?”

Jack smiled. “Yeah, and for what a session costs, I better come out with at least a little wisdom to share.”

“You’ve always been a pretty wise guy, Jack.” Even through the hoarseness, he could hear the smile in Robby’s voice.

“Yeah, that’s what my high school English teacher said too.” Jack could see the crow’s feet dance along the edge of Robby’s mask. He cautiously took a step forward and Robby didn’t back away. Instead, he nodded his silent permission and Jack moved closer. He could see that the tensity throughout Robby’s body had remained, but it was a start.

Jack lifted a hand to Robby’s forehead. His skin was hot but drier than Jack would have liked – he added mild dehydration to the mental chart he was keeping for Robby.

“Definitely febrile. If I had to guess, I’d say you’re sitting a fraction above a hundred.”

“I didn’t realize hands were such precise measuring tools.”

Jack chuckled and feigned offense. “Are you questioning my medical judgement, Robinavitch?”

“Of course not, Dr. Abbot.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

Jack moved his hands lower and cradled each side of Robby’s neck. He walked two fingers along the curve of his jaw, then gently down the sides.

“Swollen?” He could feel the vibration of Robby’s vocal cords through his fingertips.

Jack whistled. “Oh, yeah.”

“Figured.”

Satisfied with the impromptu exam, Jack laid a hand on Robby’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Why don’t you go change into some comfortable clothes and hop into bed?"

"Mm,” Robby let out a deep sigh that Jack suspected he’d been holding in for most of the day. “Bed does sound nice."

"You eat anything on shift?"

"Dana made me one of those instant noodle packets that we keep stashed in the break room. I think she was seconds away from force feeding me, but we had three MVC patients arrive by bus."

Dana – God, Jack loved that woman. He had no doubt that she had picked up on Robby’s downtrodden demeanor and spent the day keeping a watchful eye on him. Jack made a mental note to send her a text once Robby had fallen asleep. 

"So that's a no then?"

"It's a no." Robby conceded. Jack had learned a long time ago, that getting a straight answer from Robby could be a challenge. Sometimes, the man was an open book. Other times, he kept the truth under lock and key.

 “You experiencing any nausea?”

“No.” A quick scan of his body made him realize he might have answered too quickly. “Maybe some.”

"Think you could try something?”

Robby thought about it and then gave a hesitant nod.

Jack motioned towards the room. “Let me get a few things ready and I’ll see you in there.”

He watched as Robby disappeared around the corner. His movements were slow and lacked the sureness that he usually walked with.

Jack worked fast in the kitchen, not wanting to leave him alone for too long. They had a few cans of soup tucked deep in the cupboard. Their pantry was always well stocked and rarely touched. They both loved going out for a nice meal together or ordering in on a quiet night. Eating on their own time was a different story. Robby would forget to eat without reminding and after surviving on MREs, Jack wasn’t picky about what he consumed.

When Jack entered the room, he found Robby leaning against the headboard, the duvet pulled up to his chest. His glasses were perched precariously on the end of his nose as he looked at something on his phone. The mask had been placed on the neighboring nightstand.

"More comfortable than a hotel bed?"

"And the service is unmatched." Robby joked as he accepted the tray of soup and tea. It didn’t go unnoticed by Jack that Robby made no effort to stomach the soup or crackers, but he did take a tentative sip of the tea before setting it down.

“That’s just the cheap stuff we had on hand,” Jack motioned towards the bowl, “I’ll order in something for when you wake up.”

“Thanks.”

Jack held out a thermometer. He knew he was pushing his luck. “I just want to get a baseline.”

Robby wanted to protest but obliged by sticking the device under his tongue. It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate everything Jack was doing, but the vulnerability felt awkward. Like putting on his favorite shirt after it had shrunk in the dryer.

Jack frowned instinctively when he read the digits. He rested the back of his hand against Robby’s forehead.

“What’s the verdict doc?”

“102.3”

“I guess your hand method isn’t perfect then.” Robby smiled in jest, but Jack’s face remained in a contemplative scowl. He removed his hand and replaced it with his volar wrist.

“No,” he shook his head. Jack moved his touch down to softly rest a palm against one of Robby’s flushed cheeks. He was definitely warmer than before. “It’s actually that your fever is rising.”

“Oh.” Robby was surprised by the feeling that washed over him. Something akin to embarrassment or shame, but he couldn’t quite place it.

“Have you taken anything?”

“Mmm, 800 Tylenol about…” Robby looked at his watch. “Shit, I guess it was about eight hours ago now.”

Jack couldn’t say he was surprised. It was a small miracle that he had taken anything at all, a testament to how bad he must have been feeling at the time.  

“Why don’t we try some ibuprofen,” Jack offered. “Might help with the aches?”

“Yeah.” Robby agreed with a slow nod. He hadn’t noticed it creeping up on him, but he was suddenly aware of how fatigued he felt.

“Hang tight.” Jack said as he disappeared into the ensuite. He emerged a moment later, clutching two pills in one hand, and a glass of water in the other.

“Thanks.” Robby’s eyes fluttered open for a moment before closing once more. Muscle memory guided the pills towards his mouth as Jack held the cup to Robby’s lips. The cool water stung the back of his aching throat.

Fuck, he was tired. And cold. Robby shivered and buried himself deeper into the bed’s warmth. He raised the duvet to his chin and Jack noticed how small he suddenly looked surrounded by the mounds of fabric.

“F-f-ucking freezing.” Robby mumbled in clear discomfort.

“I know.” Jack said sympathetically and sat down on the edge of their bed. He knew he didn’t have to explain to Robby why he couldn’t have another blanket despite wanting nothing more. The human body was weird. A miracle. But weird.

Jack wasn’t surprised that the chills had finally hit Robby – in fact, he was more surprised that they hadn’t kicked in earlier. He could see beads of sweat glistening under the man’s scruff. Poor guy was going to be in for a rough few days.

He stroked a hand through Robby’s hair, rubbing his nails tenderly over his scalp. “F-feels nice.”

Jack smiled wryly but didn’t say anything. He knew Robby loved the feeling of his head getting touched. Jack could hear his breathing becoming more rhythmic as he started to inch towards sleep. He knew it wouldn’t be long now until Robby was out.

“I’m glad you decided to stay.” Jack whispered gently as he continued running his fingers through greying roots.

Robby mumbled something into the blanket, curled his body towards Jack, and was soon asleep.

[bakwaaas]

hi i need some advice and i don’t wanna ask anyone i know irl because im not ready to make this a big deal yet. basically im engaged and my fiancé will be doing his masters soon. the original plan was for him to do his masters in our country and we would have our nikaah done before and then i’ll move with him for his masters, which is fine for me because i work remotely and my only location requirement for my job is i have to live in our country. then after he graduates with his masters we’ll have the big reception and party.

however, he got accepted into a really prestigious university abroad for his masters. i am really proud of him for how hard he worked. but now he’s come to me and said that because i can’t move abroad with him (job needs me to stay in my country & visa issues) there’s no need for us to do the nikaah anymore, and that we can just do the nikaah and big reception when he comes back. i was taken aback by this (he told me this information on EID) because i dont understand why we can’t do our nikaah now. if we’re married i can go visit him abroad, and his university country is beautiful we could go on trips there and stuff. yeah we won’t be able to live together immediately but it will be easy to spend time together. more importantly, the nikaah is planned. it’s a small event at my family home but i have my outfit, so do both our family, the marquee tent and caters are booked. how can we just cancel that because he’s going abroad for a year??

honestly i was so shocked out his logic. there’s no reason to postpone anything. it’s inconvenient for our families first of all, and second it doesn’t make sense. if we don’t have our nikaah we won’t see each other for a whole year. my parents are quite modern but not that modern they’ll let me travel abroad to see my man i’m not married to??

i can’t decide if he just doesn’t understand how much effort has gone into planning the nikaah even though it’s small. and also a part of me deep down thinks he doesn’t want to get married so he can have total freedom while at university, even though i hate myself for doubting him. i hate this so much because i don’t want to argue with him about this and i don’t want to have to force or convince him to marry me now. i’ve never had a single doubt about him we’ve been dating for 2 years before we got engaged. my family loves him so do all my friends, which is why i don’t want to tell them about this because it’ll cause issues and i’d rather try and sort this out with my fiance one on one first but i don’t even know how to approach this.

another thing to note is his family don’t know about his new plan either. he only told me because he wants us to be on the same page.

any advice will be appreciated. my heads been hurting from frustration and confusion since yesterday 😭

to be honest, it does sound like on some level he doesn’t want to fully commit to you as he wants to keep his options open… he will be moving abroad and meeting lots of new people as he’ll be at university. as you said, his plan makes no sense. everything is already organised, so why cancel now? plus you won’t see each other for a year, how can anyone sustain a relationship that way? I can’t see any logical reason to inconvenience everyone and cancel a wedding that’s already planned other than that he intentionally wants to be single whilst he is away. the cynic in me says he wants to keep his options open whilst he’s abroad and have you waiting on him back home and if he doesn’t find anyone better, he’ll resume the relationship with you when he gets back. I hope I’m wrong but that’s just how this situation seems from my perspective, unless he truly is that inconsiderate and thoughtless but even that is alarming

[jae-bummer]

GG

Request: can i get wonwoo and #20 please? (fluffy haired online gamer boy)

Prompt:

20) You and your bias have become online friends who have never seen each other...until the day you decide to meet.

Pairing: Seventeen Wonwoo x Reader

Genre: Fluff

.

"WannaWoo," you sang into your mic. "What inspired your gamer tag?"

"It's because my name is Wonwoo," his deep voice said matter-of-factly. "You know that."

"No shit," you laughed. "But why not something else?"

"Why is yours KillerQuiche?" he mused.

"Because it was an autogenerated recommendation and I was thirteen," you grinned. "And at the time, I may or may not have misunderstood what a quiche was."

"And you've just stuck with it? All of this time?"

"Brand continuity. And it gives me ample opportunity to say, "Unleash the KillerQuiche,"" you laughed. "You have to admit, it gets our opponents pretty nervous."

"Or excited because they think they're about to win against a pair of thirteen-year-olds," he hummed.

"And then we devastate them," you chimed. "Because we make a great team!"

"More like give them a false sense of security," he chuckled. "But I suppose we make a pretty alright team."

"Be careful," you grinned. "That sounded dangerously close to a compliment."

"I compliment you all the time!" he gasped.

"Saying "good game" when we win hardly counts as a compliment," you argued.

""Good" is a positive descriptor," he muttered. "It totally counts."

"Fine," you sighed. "I'll allow it."

This wasn't the first time you had gone fishing for actual praise. Something like "Gosh, Y/N! You're so smart" or "Y/N, I know I'm Facetiming you at 2AM, but you look ravishing." Hell, you'd even settle for some variation of "Congratulations, you don't look like a rat today." To say you were thirsty for your friend's attention was an understatement. There had been a drought since the moment you had "met".

You had been long distance friends with Wonwoo for years and he hadn't realized that you were completely in love with him, despite your best efforts. Any attempts at flirting were just that, attempts. The one time you thought he was coming on to you, he was actually sweet talking a locked chest he was trying to open in a game.

At one point, you had considered that maybe he realized how you felt and was keeping you at arm's length to avoid an awkward let down. After you got to really know him though, you quickly understood that he was just reserved and in his head about things that did not concern you. Understanding emotions was not his strong suit, so picking up on them was nearly impossible. That's why he thrived in his digital persona. The worlds the two of you created and navigated were logical and safe. Things were risky when he became friends with you outside of the internet.

"Hey, Y/N?" Wonwoo's voice rumbled over the line. You had just entered the lobby of a game you often enjoyed playing together, so you assumed he was ready to strategize.

"Hmm?"

"Do you want to meet up?"

Furrowing your brow, you adjusted your headset to make sure you were hearing him clearly. "Like...have a designated time we do a video call or something?"

"No," he continued earnestly. "Like meet up."

"I'm sorry, I must be lagging," you said quietly. "We do not live in the same area, Wonwoo."

"Astute observation," he hummed, the tone giving away that he was clearly amused. "I've heard of this incredible invention. You see, it's this giant metal contraption that people actually get inside! And the technology it uses-"

"While I have no earthly idea how an airplane actually works, I don't need you to explain it to me," you rushed out. "Are you saying you want to meet in person?"

"No, I'm saying we should designate a time we do a video call or something."

"Wonwoo!" you whined. You felt like you were having an out of body experience. This was a request you never saw coming.

The man across the line erupted in laughter. You stared blankly at the screen, completely disregarding the cue to jump from the virtual plane and onto the map.

"Is this a joke? If this is a joke, I'm going to be really upset with you."

"It's not a joke!" he sighed. "I've wanted to meet you in person for a while. I hope you feel the same way about me."

"Of course I do!" you gasped. You hoped the "I've probably wanted this longer and more fervently than you" was implied by your tone.

"I was thinking I could come to you," he proposed. "I don't feel comfortable with making you travel so far by yourself."

"I'm more than capable-"

"I did not say you weren't," he cut in. "It's other people I'm worried about."

You felt your heart do a little spin. You weren't used to hearing him be protective. "Okay," you conceded. "But I won't have you pay for a hotel. You can stay in my guest room."

There was a short pause before Wonwoo cleared his throat. "I appreciate that."

Well, that was odd.

"Unless I"m totally overstepping," you added. "If you don't feel comfortable-"

"It sounds great, Y/N," he said much more confidently this time. "Now let's talk logistics."

After refusing to coordinate a plan while he continued to play video games (even when he argued how excellent he was at multitasking), the two of you finally worked out a schedule. In a month's time, he would get on a plane and end up in the same city as you. You'd pick him up, he'd sleep at your apartment, and hijinks would ensue.

As you told him goodnight and logged off for the evening, it felt like you were floating on air. In your wildest dreams, you would have never imagined that Wonwoo would be the one to propose meeting in person. You had thought about it dozens of times, but never wanted him to feel pressured. Plopping onto your bed, you stared up at the ceiling and tried to imagine what it would be like. Attempting to picture his tall, broad frame navigating life beside you, sent your heart tumbling to your toes. The simple intricacies of life seemed to be so much more important when you factored him into the equation. This would either be the best week of your life or the most awkward.

Knowing Wonwoo, it would probably be a happy mixture of both.

..

You shifted nervously from foot to foot, your stomach tying and untying itself into knots. You weren't sure if you were going to pass out, or spontaneously combust. When Wonwoo had insisted that he fly hours to see you, you had welcomed the idea. Now you were lightheaded and questioning every decision you had ever made to get to this point.

"It'll be fine," you muttered to yourself as you readjusted the balloons you held from one hand to the other. "It's just Wonwoo."

It being "just" Wonwoo was exactly your problem. Wonwoo wasn't "just" anything. He was multitudes. In all of the years that you had known him, he had made you feel the gamut of emotions. He was the truest friend you could ever hope for and the most clueless crush to stumble into your heart.

Keeping a watchful eye on the door marked "Arrivals," you nearly stopped breathing as you saw a face you recognized. Easily a head taller than the people walking around him, he was wearing a bright yellow beanie (so you'd know it was him - as if you wouldn't be able to identify him in any universe). It took mere seconds of him looking around for his eyes to lock on yours, a close-lipped grin on his lips.

From there, it felt like your mind had entered an intensely realistic daydream. Hurrying his steps, Wonwoo strode over until he was standing only inches away. The open expression on his face definitely signaled that he was waiting for you to make the first move. Lifting his arms slightly he breathed. "I'm here."

"You're here!" you all but screeched as you launched toward him. Wrapping yourself around his torso, you were amazed with how he could smell so good after being in the air for multiple hours. You nuzzled your face into his oversized t-shirt and let out a contented sigh.

Smacking at the balloons you still held, he navigated around them to snake his long arms around you. Shimmying in closer, he rested his chin on the top of your head. "A moment that's been years in the making."

You were surprised as you felt a soft kiss on your scalp. Leaning away from him, you looked up with wide eyes. "Wonwoo?"

"I didn't realize I could actually miss someone I had never met," he chuckled, shaking his head. Pushing up his glasses, he stared down fondly at you. "Is it...is it okay if I kiss you?"

You couldn't stop your mouth from popping open in surprise. Would it look bad if you pinched yourself to make sure this wasn't in fact a stress-induced mental break?

Wonwoo furrowed his brow as he searched your face. "I just...I just thought...Did I read the moment wrong? Oh god, I did, didn't I?"

The reality of the situation crashed into you with surprising force. Stepping forward to wrap him in your arms again, you cautiously glanced up. The last thing you wanted him to think was that he had crossed a boundary and made you uncomfortable. "Sorry, no, you didn't read the moment wrong. I was just...surprised?"

"Surprised?" he asked, still clearly confused.

"Well, uh," you said quietly. "You've never really given me any indication that you were romantically interested?"

"What?" he asked, shaking his head in disbelief. "What do you mean? Y/N, we've known each other since we were teenagers at this point. You're impossible not to fall in love with."

"...in, in love?" you croaked. This was all terribly new information.

"I had just assumed..." he said, growing smaller the more he talked. "I assumed we were...kind of...a couple?"

You continued to stare at him.

"You flirt with me all the time!" he offered. "And I flirt back!"

"In what world do you flirt back?" you laughed. Maybe you really were going through a mental break. Had he really known you had been flirting with him this entire time?

"I tease you," he muttered. "And I try to say sweet things, but every time I think I've come up with something good, it comes out wrong."

"I had no idea," you whispered. "But Wonwoo, I feel exactly the same."

"Oh," he huffed, now trying to process the whirlwind of information that had been exchanged. "Well, excellent!"

"Just...can you try to be a little more obvious with your attempts to romance me?" you laughed. Apparently, you had been the clueless one all along.

"I'm more than happy to try," he said, a cautious smile finding its way back to his lips. "I have your favorite compliment geared up and ready."

"Oh? And what's that?"

He prodded your cheek with his nose, closing his eyes as his forehead came to rest on your temple. "Good game, KillerQuiche."

[arrowfortea]

i really think sera is simultaneously fantastic and also a missed opportunity. solas in DA:I took ~7 rewrites, which is understandable since he's set up for like, Big Things. but i think about that a lot when i'm ~*~musing~*~ on what sera could've been.

sera is far and away the only character by bioware i'm similar to as a person IRL, her voice actress is FANTASTIC, i almost always have her in my party bc i love her, (my url is a sera quote!!), and still!!! she feels SO FLAT TO ME!!! and i CAN'T PUT MY FINGER ON IT!!!! this is going to be a very Vibes Based critique and i might pull up quotes etc for a post in future but i just need to. get it Out

maybe it's a "woman written by a man" issue. she feel so close to being Real and Relatable and then swings wide, it's so weird. i do think a deep part of it stems from the writers/narrative going "yeah she can really get on your nerves lol!" — for the most blatant example of this, see: the fact she's the only party member with a constant "get out of the inquisition" button on her dialogue wheel. i also feel this in how hard-line her opinions are, while at the same time she argues them, for the most part, from a place of vibes (like moi Right Now lmao) or shuts down the other side.

it reminds me of da2 where fenris is given time to Discourse with hawke about mages in the gallows, and mage companions in attendance will interject with like "yeah but. locking people up is bad" which YES! IT IS!!! 100% I AM ON YOUR SIDE but the writing gives fenris way more time to Outline his Facts and Logic so the mage companions look like they're just shutting him down in bad-faith.

and there's no real arc for her! her personal quest is about red jenny stuff and maybe working with a guy for the inquisition but then Not. (there is a point to be made about vivienne's personal quest similarly being Lacking in many people's opinion, but as this isn't a post abt her i'm not going to Delve, but i would be remiss not to mention it) yes we HEAR about her backstory but. then that's doneskies.

the romance is just having a good time (unless you're an elf who drank from the well in which case she dumps you which.. i both do and don't take issue with? it makes sense for her as a static character, but i don't WANT her to be static) — again this is where i start to chafe at my own rationale because.. do i want there to be more drama/conflict? yes. do i trust the existing writers to make the lesbian couple's drama not something trite or offensive? mmmmmm. mmmmm.

she has so many interesting aspects but they all feel like they got tacked on and then chucked out the window! the clearest "hey.. what's this meant to be" is how she seems fade-sensitive in banter with solas. i know this is used as evidence for "does she have some andruil in her", which i'm onboard with, but INGAME i'm sad the fade sensitivity seems solely relegated to the solas banters. like? did they just run out of stuff for them to talk about? 💀

her existentialism makes me WANT TO GNAW MY KEYBOARD it's SO EXCITING to see a character touch on existentialism the way she does; "The Nothing" WAS INSANE to see on her tombstone the first time round when i was expecting something juvenile. i knew what it meant immediately and i think it's so interesting; i'm really glad we get a talk with her afterwards abt it. do i also wish this existentialism more clearly permeated her characterisation ahhehehwhehahhe Yes

as for the Elfy issue: i'm not from any of the minorities that the writing for elves draws coding from, so. grain, salt. i don't think "i don't want to be seen as An Elf(TM)", or being not big on the dalish, needed to be handled in such a blatant "this is internalised racism i cannot talk you out of" way. again, fenris in da2 is a dick about the dalish, but he does have a personal relationship with his identity as an elf which feels authentic.

i also hate how shafted city elves got in DA:I so sera being from an alienage (when she was very young) but then that being breezed past makes me. sad whatever I KNOW SHE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER IT IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE A THING I JUST WANTED CITY ELVES SOMEWHEREEEE

i do love her journal though. that is top tier and i love it and 5 stars and whoever thought of that is amazing (probably her writer. sigh. credit sadly is due where credit is due /j)

anyway i should probably compile this into a better argued and evidenced post i just !!!!!

[fandoms-in-law]

Cursed or Blessed

Summary: Witches come to Hawkins from the power in the area due to everything with the Upside Down. The party gets in their way and Dustin ends up cursed to have a female body. When trying to get the curse removed, the same spell is directed at Steve, who doesn't find it such an issue.

Author's Note:

According to my Works page, this is my 500th Fic posted to AO3. I could do math to argue it cause there's some anonymous in collections and one fic that's actually a collection of others from when I started using the site, but still a brilliant milestone to have reached and I wanted to share that. Also yes, I am muddled over how to tag this fic cause of the curse shenanigans. If you wanna correct me, please do. I just had a day or two where the fics I was reading kept including a sex change curse where the person cursed hated it but was forced to conform to the gender presentations their new body made people expect of them and thought hell No, we've got trans care now, why wouldn't that get used? And then I got distracted entirely by Steve's gender euphoria when I started writing. She's cute.

~

Monsters and unethical experiments, Steve could get. He had even accepted a kid having superpowers and classing everyone from the lab she was tortured in as siblings. Magic however was taking longer to understand and he wasn’t happy about its presence at all.

The fact these so called magic users looked like Macbeth rejects wasn’t helping him believe a word they’d said either. He’d hated being forced to study that in English class.

“What tech do they have and can we steal it? Use it to fight them?” Dustin was questioning beside him, clearly also refusing to accept magic as an explanation.

“It’s magic, Dustin! There’s nothing to steal.” Mike snapped, which, given it was the fifth time the suggestion had been repeated, made sense.

~

The plan to try stealing the tech of the people claiming to be witches failed in its attempt. Dustin had been the one yelling about it, demanding to know where it was, so he was the one magic was directed at when the witches decided they’d had enough and were leaving.

He fell to the floor and half the group ran to him, while Nancy and Jonathan gave chase to the witches and Steve waited to see where he’d be most useful.

“What the hell? No, no, no, this is wrong. It’s not me. I am not comfortable!” Dustin woke up yelling from where he’d fallen during the confrontation.

“Guess we’re going dress shopping.” Mike stated, helping him up while looking him over an uncomfortable amount.

Steve tugged Dustin away from him, seeing the glower forming, “Are you fucking sick? No, he’s not happy about this and we’re not making it worse for him.”

“He can pretend he’s in fancy dress, a female NPC.” Lucas tried suggesting, only to have matching glares levelled at him.

“And you just volunteered to express order a binder and a few sets of men’s clothes in the sizes he’ll now need.”

Dustin blinked at Steve in something like awe at the words, “Genius? Thank you? That! Please, whatever you just spoke about, that. This feels so wrong.”

“But you look-” Nancy had turned back to the room but as she spoke Steve lifted his bat, clearly ready to attack her if the wrong thing was said. “Weapons down please?”

“Objectifying anyone is bad, forcing anyone to dress in a way they’re uncomfortable with is bad, especially towards Dustin who’s just been cursed. I’m taking him to mine and getting the numbers to order the stuff I mentioned.” Steve kept an arm on Dustin’s shoulder as he led them out, clearly ready to protect his brother from anyone, friends or not.

~

Tracking down the witches was relatively easy, and Steve had thought that getting the curse undone would be easy too. That was why only him, Robin and Nancy had come along to confront them now.

Looking at the gathered witches he was starting to doubt the logic in that decision but knew between the three of them, they could fight a lot of things. “Undo your curse on Dustin.”

“No. The little prick deserved it, keeping up from the power.” The central witch scoffed, glaring at him.

“I’m not asking. Remove the curse.” Steve raised his bat, knowing that behind him Nancy would be raising her gun and Robin keeping watch with golf balls in case one tried attacking before he noticed.

“No, in fact, I think you should see what it’s like.” The witch started gesturing, muttering too quiet to be heard but Steve wasn’t trying to hear anyway.

As soon as the gestures began he was attacking, his bat making contact with at least two of the witches there before it dropped and he fell soon after, the magic overtaking him.

Robin had started throwing but as he fell darted to grab the bat to keep fighting, trusting Nancy’s aim wouldn’t stray to her even as gun shots sounded behind her.

Two of the witches managed to escape through doors behind them but neither woman pursued them, hurrying instead to Steve’s side, already expecting for him to look different given the transformation Dustin had been cursed with the day before.

“The hell just-” Steve groaned, pushing himself to sit up, “Okay, that’s new.” He looked down at the breasts he now had before looking hopefully at Robin, “Does this mean we can have sleepovers at yours Rob? Can you braid my hair too?”

“Steve?” Robin asked, sounding a little confused by the reaction but nodded, “Yeah, I guess we can. Do you need clothes that’ll fit you?”

“Clothes shopping?” Steve grinned in excitement, “When I can actually try on all the skirts and dresses? Yes, we’re doing that right now!” He hurried to get up and was heading straight for the door they’d entered by.

Nancy groaned, shaking her head, “Can’t that wait until there’s not someone potentially wanting to kill us?”

Pouting at her, Steve nodded, now looking around the room they were stood in, “So are we trying to get any information on what they’re doing while we’re here then? Or just escaping in case some of them survived?”

“Look around quickly, but we know two escaped the room. I think we saw them all though so hopefully two will cause a lot less trouble now.” Nancy decided.

They didn’t find much, but when they left Steve was carrying an old handwritten book that the witch they’d thought was the leader had been holding. He could only hope it was useful since he couldn’t make out what the words written in it were in the poor lighting.

~

Much to Steve’s frustration, they didn’t let him stop at any of the clothes shops on the way back to the Wheeler’s. Nancy insisted that they should update everyone on what had happened instead, especially since Dustin was still hoping they’d have a reversing for his curse.

Steve did at least manage to convince her to let him get changed into one of her dresses before telling everyone else what had happened.

Nancy went straight to the basement with the book they’d found, saying she’d let Dustin start looking it over while Robin helped Steve.

“What?” Mike exclaimed first when Steve entered the basement.

Everyone turned at that, staring at Steve who smiled and did a twirl for them.

Robin glared from behind him, “What what, Michael? Never seen such a gorgeous woman before?”

“You yelled at me for saying Dustin needed dresses but have turned around and forced them on Steve?” He yelled back, gesturing to her forcefully.

Steve rolled his eyes, “Hey, shithead, I chose this. It’s like the best thing to me. Dustin hates it so he gets binders and help staying who he is, cursed or not. Capiche?”

“You want to be a girl?” Erica goaded, looking her over sceptically.

Steve fluffed her skirt out, smiling a little before raising an eyebrow at her, “What’s with the judgement, Erica?”

“Yeah! My sister is awesome.” Dustin called out, looking up from the book he’d been reading since taking a moment to stare at Steve’s change.

Steve moved over to ruffle his hair, smiling at the support and the way Dustin was still claiming them as siblings, whatever gender they had. “Thanks Dustin, you think you’ll find much in that book?”

“Witch’s handwriting is terrible. I think they failed to become doctors, it’s that bad. There’s probably something, but I’ve only found gruesome spells and power tracers so far.”

“We’ll keep looking. Together we’ll get it sorted, I know.” She reassured him.

~

After they’d all eaten, and confused Karen even more than she already was by the group calling two girls she’d never met Steve and Dustin , Steve started asking about going shopping again.

Robin leant on her shoulder, patting the opposite one comfortingly, “Stevie, we don’t have time for a shopping spree. They’ll all be shut now.”

“Okay, I guess that can be for after the witches are gone, but I need clothes now, soo-” He paused thinking for a moment before grinning, “Robin!”

“Yeah?” She glared from her shoulder since there had been no need to yell when they were cuddled up together.

Steve nudged her playfully, “I have a list of clothes you’ve got to lend me. Fashion show during our sleepover tonight?”

She squinted at her, “You’ve got an agenda for the night, haven’t you?”

“Fashion show, make-up, hair, nails, face masks, and gossip. We’re going it all!” Steve ticked off the activities she wanted to do on her fingers as she spoke.

“What fun.” Robin murmured tiredly, “Can I put on a movie while you do all that?”

Steve pouted, poking at her, “Robinnnnnnnn.”

She snorted, nuzzling him, “Fine, we’ll do it. Any other girls joining us? Also can we just like fetch whatever clothes you want to borrow and do the sleepover at your house?”

“But the fun is about getting to stay at someone else’s house.” Steve didn’t protest much, even if he looked a little disgruntled at the request.

El came to sit with them before the pair could debate which home to use. “If it’s okay.” She said seriously.

“Definitely in.” Max called from where she was currently leaning against Lucas.

“Sounds hilarious. I’m in.” Erica agreed too.

Nancy looked at Steve for a moment before shaking her head, “Never been my thing. I’ll skip it.”

Robin wanted to argue, but Steve pinched her side. He was fairly sure that sleepovers had been something Nancy had done with Barb and never since so didn’t want that subject bringing up when planning a pleasant evening.

“Maybe Dustin should-” Mike started in a goading tone, but Steve clicked at him.

“Thin ice, Wheeler,” She warned.

After taking a deep breath, Mike finished carefully, “Should DM a one shot and the rest of us stay at the Byers tonight to avoid explaining what’s going on to everyone if we’re going to reverse the curse soon enough.”

“Good idea to stay in bigger groups in case the witches come back too.” Steve agreed, glancing around at the group, “Whichever house we have our sleepover in, let’s catch up at my house tomorrow to try and get a plan to take on the witches properly.”

~

Robin hadn’t seen Steve so free with her emotions before, nor so excited to be doing things that seemed pretty normal. It had made the sleepover more fun for her, to see her best friend enjoying being a girl so much, even if it was tiring too.

El, Max and Erica had all drifted off to sleep a while back, and how Steve knew when to get the face masks washed off so it didn’t happen with them on felt like one of life’s great mysteries.

They were a different mystery of Steve that Robin wanted to ask about though, and the quiet of the night seemed like a safe time to ask it. “Hey Stevie?”

“Yeah Robs?” She sounded half asleep already.

“How’d you know how to help Dustin? With binding and all that?”

Steve made a thoughtful slow noise before replying, “Wandered away from my parents the last time I got dragged on one of their trips, asked some questions that got some guys trying to direct me back concerned and learnt a lot of weird stuff. Useful stuff too.”

Robin hummed, “Including how a woman can become a man?”

“Yeah, I’d actually been trying to ask if doing this was possible. They got confused by fourteen year old me.” He remembered after thinking for a while. “Realised pretty quickly my parents would have had horrible reactions if I’d got the actual answers or acted on them.”

“What’ll you do if this is temporary?” She asked after taking in the story for a moment.

Steve stretched. “Find answers to those questions now and take you to a city where I could actually do it.” She decided.

~

The next afternoon found everyone scattered around Steve’s home. Nancy had spent the morning looking for their own sources of information on magic and was currently going through them with Jonathan and a few of the kids.

Steve and Dustin were sat closely together reading from the witches book about transformations and speculating on whether the general transformation reversal spell would work for Dustin or not. The spell used on them hadn’t been found yet but Dustin needed a pause from deciphering the handwriting.

El and Robin were sat with them. They had been taking turns to write down what Dustin managed to read so they had an easier to read copy to keep. Now they were reading through their notes and wondering if magic was similar to El’s powers as well as if they were bothered about finding out.

“Give us our spell book back!” One of the two witches still alive demanding, slamming the doors to Steve’s home open, hands primed as if they’d start cursing any minute.

Steve and Dustin glanced at each other and the girls in front of them before jumping up and over the back of the sofa to face the witches, “You came to us? That’s-” Steve paused as if thinking, “Nice. Isn’t that nice of them, Dustin?”

“Dumb too, cause now they’re reversing the curse on me.” Dustin agreed.

“Why would we do that, little girl?” The second witch sneered.

Steve and Dustin shared a smirk before stepping away from each other, revealing El, already standing with her arm outstretched.

“Because I’ll make you.” She said, flinging the pair into the wall.

The display of power shocked the witches visibly and they were quick to beg forgiveness as well as that they’d reverse the spell as long as El didn’t do anything more to them.

Everyone else came through, having heard the commotion, and Nancy quickly picked up the spell book, levelling a stern glare at the witches. “I don’t think you should have this any more. Try being decent humans for a while.”

For a moment one of the witches glared, ready to argue, but stayed silent when El moved her arm.

Dustin hugged himself as soon as the curse was undone, laughing and hurrying up to one of the spare rooms Steve had kept a change of clothes for him in. “I’m me again! Couldn’t be happier to be in this body!”

Steve stepped back when the witches attention turned on him. “I’m getting the Hawkins lab to take the blame for this and give me new papers. You’re doing nothing except leaving this town!” She stated, pointing to the door of her home.

“It’s not meant to be permanent.” One of them muttered as they headed to the door.

Robin stepped in their way, looking them over carefully. “Not meant to be, but you had to do a reversal. Do you know how long it would last if you hadn’t?”

“Never tested it. Book doesn’t specify.” was the curt response.

“Then we will and since we have the book, we’ll find a way to renew it if it fails at some point.” She opened the door for them satisfied in their ignorance.

[edennill-archived]

In which I puzzle over metaphysical implications as regards the peoples inhabiting Arda

fyi, a certain familiarity with the (predominantly Christian, I think) concept of fallenness/unfallenness is assumed, although it turns out that it doesn't necessarily work here. Feel free to ask for clarifications

So. I'm once again wracking my head as I try to make sense of what I shall call: 'metaphysical states' of elves, men and others, because the subject is emphasised and lampshaded a lot in the books, and I can't force it all to make sense when taken together.

Ainur are a specific case and I should really leave them aside for now. They certainly can fall — and, unlike angels, change their mind, apparently (which goes both ways) — although they do seem to be more all-or-nothing than everyone else. Still, I think as long as one doesn't go into the implications of time and what its existence or nonexistence changes, they're almost straightforward. But then you have:

Elves. The 'Fall of the Noldor' is very strongly emphasised as a metaphysical fall from grace and further evils, even ones unconnected with the matter of the Silmarils themselves, are blamed on it later (Maeglin!) So far so good. Except. Non-Noldor are also liable to behave in ways that are not exemplary in the slightest, and it doesn't seem to signify a cesura in the same way — and the Noldor in Valinor were able to commit acts that perhaps weren't as heinous as what we call crimes, but weren't good either. Getting into rancid fights with your brother isn't much in comparison, but these are not the actions of unfallen people.

And on the other hand, authorial quote (paraphrased): "Elves in some ways represent Man in an unfallen state". And I'm inclined to agree: they aren't subject to death (except they may be killed, so doesn't this already break down?), and there is something very poignant in the image of their artistry, "extempt from earthly limitations". But they do not lose it, not in any easily tangible way. We can argue that evil diminishes creativity and it's probably true, but there is no hard line anyone passes. And this is again lampshaded in-world with the Númenoreans ("If we die because of some darkness that lay on us before, than why don't the Noldor?").

Which brings us to Men. The existence of a direct cause-effect relationship between fallenness and mortality in Arda cannot be ascertained (Even taking into account a Catholic framework, I feel that logically it need not be the same relationship as the Biblical one since, in contrast with the Garden of Eden, the world was already marred when humans appeared). While I consider the Tale of Adanel to be Gondorian in origin, I can also see the possibility that whatever Men did back then, beyond memory (or in other words "we purposefully forgot") was just that much worse than Alqualondë and the Oath. In any case, Man is very straightforwardly Fallen.

Hobbits. The rules for Halflings are presumably the same as for Men, which is certainly notable, given that they seem to be the least inclined to evil of all incarnates. Not perfect, not by a long shot, but unknowing of wars and violence. A pastoral image, only in-world it's true.

And at the same time, my musings bring me to the unexpected conclusion that dwarves are the only notable "generally unfallen" kindred. Which is, in context of everything that regards them, weird — because by their actions, they are very similar to Men. And yet — either the circumstances of their creation make them disadvantaged from the start (which doesn't really make that much sense), or something happened off-screen, or it's the same case as Saeros, or Thingol sending Beren to his death.

Ents? I honestly don't know if we've seen enough of ents to judge, although they seem generally good-inclined? Huorns are a different kettle of fish.

Before I try to explain orcs, it would do well to know what they are exactly.

In other words, I cannot make sense of it all, enough that I've resorted to calling the default state of incarnates in Arda "semi-fallen" (or, as is, "semi-unfallen"). Which is not a thing that makes sense, philosophically speaking — but I can find no better way.

(Although, to be quite honest, the default state of being in Arda (because of the discord?) seems to be significantly different from the unfallen state of Man as described by religious thinkers in some ways, and not all of them regard merely such things as physical marring, so perhaps "semi" isn't the worst way to describe it.)

In any case, if someone has thoughts on the subject, I'm very open to hearing them.

[dashflashy-arts]

ML x Smiling Critters Au

- Getting Akumatized in the Au

Dropping some thoughts about it here:

I wrote somewhere in my docs (yeah I put this idea in my docs) about how Harley Sawyer would akumatize people, and I have this clear idea that he'd do them a lot more directly compared to Gabriel and Lila's style

From what I observed, Gabriel and Lila always act as an empathizer. But the drastic difference is that Gabriel acts more like a genie, a man of power giving something they "need." While Lila pretends to be a perfect friend, a "support" that gives an illusion of choice to her victims, an enabler as you will. I believe Harley Sawyer would go differently, if not more controlling

As far as I understand his character, he's a cold narcissist. One can argue that both Lila and Gabriel also share this characteristic, but I truly believe Harley's more distinct and obviously different because, well, he's a doctor. He prides himself as a genius, a scientist, so in his mind, his logic and senses are always "accurate." He's probably right. Makes him all the more condescending and a calculating jerk.

So in this au, Harley's style of akumatizing someone is a lot different. He won't act like an empathizer or a pitier to his victims, but rather act like a cold, observant "therapist." Of course, when victims are greeted with his bluntness, they will naturally try to resist his control at first because no one likes to be told they're wrong. But that's where his style comes in handy. Rather than going, "I feel your pain/understand your anger/feelings," etc. He lays out the facts, digging the victim further into their emotion. Is the person upset bc they were wronged? Under in debt? Just hurting? Harley rubs that on the victims. It's full of guilt-tripping and emotional manipulation. He's not gonna be there to be your friend, no, he sees you pathetic germ as you are, but not to worry, he's got the answer. That's how it's gonna go.

And what if the victim still resist? Well, it's too late to back out now. Unless they've got strong will to break it off or can calm themselves down, they'd be too far deep into their negative emotion, and from my understanding of the butterfly power, that's all Harley really needs.

With a villain like that, and no Ladybug to fix it and deakumatize the victims. How do Dogday and Catnap deal with it?

The power of ADORATION!!! aka just Dogday literally begging and bringing in all his aura (maybe even charisma? rizz?) to change the victim's mind. If not, just take away their akumatized item lol that always works.

As for the akuma butterfly, Catnap is responsible for destroying it.

So yeah, the victim was saved, but the damages stay. It's kind of why they need to work fast and carefully.

Extra note: I kinda wanna change up the powers, tbh bc let's be honest - the powers of the mireculouses are whack and confusing. Why do two or more share a similar power?? Why are yhey inconsistent??? I dunno 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Extra extra note: if Dogday/Dennis finds out the actual reason as to why Harley's terrorizing locals, he'd crash out. Literally. Beat his ass if he could. Thought y'all just need to know

[bitchliteraria1906]

Asgard royal family headcanons! (Specifically about Loki and how he relates to each family member).

• I really like the headcanon that Frigga was pregnant before Odin took Loki, and she lost the baby. Mostly because it makes sense logically (that would make Loki easy to explain! He's not some random baby that spawned out of nowhere, they can just say he's the child she was pregnant with!). But also, it adds another layer to their relationship: he's an adopted rainbow baby.

• Because of this, she remembers baby Loki very fondly, romanticizing the memories a bit. I'd even dare to say she remembers Loki as an easier baby than Thor, even though, objectively speaking, that's not true at all. Loki cried more, screamed more, needed special care. Which was to be expected: he was way too young to be separeted from his mom, and the bright lights and warmer weather of Asgard (in comparisson to Jotunheim, that is) were bad for him. Odin even feared that it would be too much to Frigga, that she would beg him to take Loki back or something, but his fragile state just made Frigga want to take care of him more, and she rarely, if ever, complained.

• Odin's feelings were very different, of course. He remembers Thor as the easy baby, because Thor was predictable. Familiar. He didn’t need special lights for sensitive eyes or cold cloths pressed into his forehead to be able to sleep in hot nights. He did all the things, both cute and annoying, that an Asgardian baby is supposed to do, expected to do. Nothing more and nothing less. And of course, he wasn't a secret and a stolen child.

• The golden child vs black sheep dynamic was set from the start, is what I'm saying.

• Odin's treatment of Loki has so much layers that it probably deserves it's own post, so I won’t talk much about it here.

•Constanly comparing him to Thor. Sometimes it was subtle, but sometimes it was literally just saying "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

• I'm not sure what Asgard's stance on physical punishment would be. Like, I can definitely see some people thinking it makes kids stronger or whatever, but Idk.

• Regardless of what the common Asgardian stance on hitting your kids is, I don’t think is something Odin and Frigga would automatically jump to with young Thor and Loki. Frigga doesn't want to hurt them, and Odin prefers other forms of discipline.

• He's definitely not above hitting, though. It may not be his go-to method to actually teach them things, but a smack for talking back from time to time? It has happened, especially with Loki.

• Every punishment happened more with Loki, actually. Odin knew he specifically hated time out, because of how it forced him to think about what he did wrong while completely alone in his room. Sometimes he'd come out ashamed of himself, sometimes he'd just be angry. Either way, he wouldn't willingly talk to Odin for the rest of the day, either completely isolating himself or clinging more to Frigga. Most of the time, Odin wouldn't even notice, and for Loki, that was the most painful part.

•Frigga genuinely loved Loki, but she also had a hand in perpetuating the racism against frost giants (either by action or by compliance) and let a lot of Odin's treatment of him slide. She also had a "defending the person who isn't in the room" approach to conflict, so in the rare occasions that Loki vented to her about Odin, though she was a good listener, she didn't really validate his feelings that much? It was always "I know your father can be difficult, but he just wants what's best for you!" or "I guess he could've been nicer about it, but is he wrong, honey? You already know he doesn't like it when you do that."

•When it came to defending Loki (or speaking up about how Odin was raising both him and Thor in general), she mostly worked in the shadows. She’d argue with Odin about it when they were alone, but never in front of others, and Loki took her silence as agreement, basically thinking "Well, if Mother doesn't speak up when Father is so harsh to me, maybe it's because she agrees. And if she, who is the kindest person I know, agrees, maybe I actually do deserve it."

•Despite all these issues, she was still the person Loki felt the safest around, and a very self indulgent hc I have for them is that they had a special place they would go to when Loki was exceptionally upset. Maybe it was a special room in the palace, or a library, or a garden, or even a little house in some woods nearby. Regardless, they'd stay there for some hours until Loki was feeling better and ready to face the world again.

•At some point Loki decided he was too old to keep needing her this way and that he needed to change that if he wanted to be taken seriously, so he stopped going to said comfort place with her and overall leaning on her too much. She was pretty heartbroken, not only because of that "Damn it, my kid is growing up and changing" feeling that leaves a lot of parents distraught, but also because, knowing Loki too well, she knew that this sudden change came from a place of insecurity and wanting to be taken more seriously by Odin, Thor and his friends, mentors, and pretty much everyone.

•Thor and Loki's relationship as kids was innocent and simple and pretty much what you'd expect from 2 kids who are royals and raised in a culture that values warriors and strenght: lots of competion and sibling rivarly, play fighting, but also a lot of teamwork.

•Thor took his big brother title very seriously as a kid. Yes, he teased Loki a lot, but he was also protective and sweet. Whenever they went on little adventures together, like exploring some place they weren't supposed to go, he'd put Loki's safety before his own.

•This might have been half fueled by Frigga saying "Take care of your brother" whenever they went out to play, or by Odin constanly saying that Thor was the strongest one between him and Loki (see 6th headcanon). Probably both.

•The real problems started in their teenage years, when the golden child vs black sheep dynamic became more obvious. Thor was the perfect stereotype of an Asgardian warrior and king, and was surrounded by friends (and potential romantic partners) who also reached some amazing standards. Meanwhile, Loki was a quieter, more fragile looking and weirder person, with an interest in magic, a different way of fighting, an aversion to most social gatherings and no friends. Most of Thor's friends just tolerated him. Some took interest in him the same way someone would take interest in an exotic animal: they'd listen to him for a while, just enough to see if he really was as weird as he looked, and then leave as soon as they got their answers and their fun.

•This, along with Odin's favoritism becoming even more obvious, really soured Thor and Loki's relationship, leading to some arguments in which pretty cruel words were said by both of them (I might write this).

I could go on but I'm tired lmao. Maybe another day.

Some inspiration was taken from @taw-k and @unityrain24 btw!

[asherashedwings]

Hey chat, remember when I did that one charting pattern analysis on Pico and Darnell?

Well I'm doing that again. But with EVERY FNF CHARACTER.

Girlfriend

Girlfriend, shocker, doesn't really have a pattern. This is mainly due to her being featured in only one song, and it's the tutorial. If we ever get any action from her in the future, then maybe we can find something then, but for now: no pattern.

Daddy Dearest & Mommy Mearest

Okay, so they do have a pattern, and it's a shared pattern. I mean, makes sense, since they're kind of a package duo. It's kinda hard for me to explain, but they have patterns that tend to focus on the left and right notes?? If that makes sense. Good examples I can think of are Satin Panties, High, and Cocoa. Mearest more so than Dearest, but Dearest's base charts are also rather simple due to his week being so early. BUT! These patterns are apparent in his Erect songs! Namely Bopeebo. But yeah, patterns that are left and right note focused. Which -- and I don't know if this is just a coincidence or not -- seems rather fitting given the colors of those notes: red and purple.

Spooky Kids

Another set of characters that don't really have a set pattern that I can distinguish. Although, I do find that rather fitting for them. Their lack of pattern matches their rather chaotic nature that's displayed in their show. They're just silly unpredictable guys.

Monster

Okay, so Monster is just already so different from everyone else that it's just hard to hold him to the same standard. But he does have his own patterns! Namely a LOT of hold notes. Which makes sense due to the lingering nature of his songs. He's slow and eerie, so of course his charting would reflect that

Pico

Okay, so I've covered Pico before. He does a lot of back and forth patterns. .... I could turn this into a super complex character analysis that is completely just my brainrot talking but I don't know if I should go there. I'm going there. Okay, so Pico's entire character in FNF revolves around him going back on the various jobs he's been given to protect Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Week 3? Backing out of his job to rap with BF instead. Week 7? Denying his mission yet again to save BF and GF. He's constantly going back and forth between his job and his morals. And it's not always clear which is the correct option. This same logic can also be applied to Weekend 1, except it's not him choosing BF and GF over his job -- it's him choosing them over his friends: Darnell and Nene. His character is just a constant cycle of back and forths.

Senpai

Okay, so this fucker was the reason I first wanted to make a full analysis on all the characters. So, this guy I noticed, uses a lot of trail notes. And in my brain it does tie into his character and. Like. The only way that I can explain it is like. You know those videos of people arguing with misogynists, and the misogynist keeps cutting off the other person before they can make their point, and keep repeating the same thing over and over again cuz they think that's how arguments work? That's the same vibe I get from Senpai's trail notes. It feels like he's just. Repeating the same things over and over again cuz he thinks he's making a point. And just going on and on so BF can’t speak Idk. If that makes sense.

Tankman

Tankman uses a lot of stairs. I had no idea what to make an analysis out of here, so to quote the wise words of @braveboiart ; "He's a bitch and I hate stairs." ACTUALLY! That is half right. Came up with this while replaying Week 7 for this post. Tankman is explicitly shown to be able to break the fourth wall, so it is entirely possible that in Ugh and Guns, he is purposefully using an egregious amount of stairs to just. Be a pain in the ass. This would also perfectly explain his switch up in Stress. He's taking BF and the player a little bit more seriously, so he starts to be a bit more genuine. Also, I would like to point out that he also uses back and forths a ton. Tankdad canon. ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE NOTE OF A LIL DETAIL I NOTICED WHEN PLAYING PICO ERECT

Pico Erect shares charting from Stress. Realistically, this is likely just a lil reference to Stress since Pico made in appearance in that song but FUCK YOU, TANKDAD CANON.

Darnell

Okay, so I've already gone in depth on Darnell, so this is mostly gonna be me repeating myself. Good to have everything in one place, yknow? Darnell has a progression of charting throughout Weekend 1. In Darnell, he starts out almost identical to Pico's charting, before slowly transition to his trail and double heavy charting through Lit Up and 2Hot. My analysis of this was the idea that he starts out the week mocking Pico; making fun of the fact that Pico chose to rap battle BF instead of killing him. But as the week progresses, he gets more into it and starts having fun with it, slipping into his own style.

And last but not least

Boyfriend

Okay, so, surprise surprise: Boyfriend doesn't really have a pattern. But it's not cuz he just repeats everyone! There's actually a lot of moments where he freestyles, namely in the Erect tracks. But when analyzing those bits, there isn't really any set pattern. Which makes sense! BF is a go with the flow kinda guy. The charting he uses depends on what the moment calls for; what will outshine his opponent the most. I mean, his charting kinda needs to be versatile, given the variety of his challengers. So yea.

Uhhh... Hope y'all enjoyed my analyses. I'm gonna go pass out now (It is 4:36am at the time of writing this rn)

[litnerdwrites]

"Rhysand had every right to be mad at Nesta for giving Bryce the mask. Cassian was right not to defend her."

Okay, so our issue isn't that Rhysand is mad at Nesta for giving up the mask. Logically speaking, giving up the mask was reckless and dangerous. She and the IC don't know Bryce like we, as readers, do. They don't know her story, motivations, or goals as we do. All they know, is that she has a power that their enemies are looking for, and if they let her go, their world as they know it may very well be destroyed. Especially after they saw the weapons that the Asteri/Daglan have. From a logical perspective, it makes sense that they don't trust her, so giving her the mask was too great a risk.

That's not the issue. It's never been the issue.

First, I think it's a little hypercritical for Rhysand to be so mad, since he, unapologetically, did the same thing to Tarquin. At least Bryce gave them assurances that she'd return the mask, assuming they'd succeed, through hostages. It would also be a way to make sure she wouldn't give in under torture, since that would mean opening the gate to where her family is and dooming them as well as Prythian. Meanwhile, Rhysand didn't even give the book back, or offer to make it up to Tarquin somehow.

That aside, however, Rhysand being mad makes sense. Rhys can be mad she's risked his people, his city and their world. Cassian can be mad that his home and family is in danger because of Nesta's reckless actions. That's fair.

What's not fair, is Rhysand threatened to kill her. What's not fair, is that Cassian let him.

No matter how angry he is, threatening his family/in law's (I'm not convinced he sees her as family at all tbh) with bodily harm. Especially when he's very capable, and (at this point) not proven that he's in any way unwilling to actually carry it out. He has no right to take it out on her in that way. That is verbal abuse. That is threat of bodily harm. He has no right to argue that females are safe in his city, because clearly, Nesta isn't safe in her own home above the city.

Cassian can be upset with Nesta for her decision. As a general, who's job it is to protect the NC, it makes sense he'd disagree with her choice and can be mad over it. However, standing back and letting someone threaten Nesta's life, in her own home, that's supposed to be her safe space, knowing damn well that said person could kill her if he felt like it.

It seems like common sense that once you get married or mated or whatever, your spouse becomes your family. While it's important to prioritise your other family, the safety, and comfort of your spouse should come first and foremost. Every relationship, and family, has their issues, granted, but resorting to abuse, and threats of violence to fix them, is wrong. Allowing others to resort to abuse is wrong.

It's not even the first time this has happened either. The last time he threatened to kill her, she was mentally broken and suicidal, and Cassian didn't stand up for her then either. Maybe Nesta shouldn't have said it the way that she did, but someone should've said it. The worst Rhys can be upset about, in that case, is her 'trying to upset Feyre' (but I've already made it clear a post or two ago how I don't think that was the case), and maybe about how she essentially broke into Amren's apartment, but both pale in comparison to what Rhys did, and should be put aside for a while.

Cassian needs to get his act together. Let Rhysand be mad at Nesta. Let him dock whatever salary I hope she's getting after the events of ACOSF. He's, unfortunately, technically, her employer, so he's free to cut her pay for a bit, suspend her from work for a while, or fire her from court matters, or even give her a few days worth boring paperwork to do. Those are normal, workplace punishments, and make sense, if he's really that mad (but we all know he won't since he needs to keep her and her powers under his thumb), but threatening to harm her when Cassian should draw the line.

The reason he's a terrible mate, isn't because he doesn't act like she's always right or take her side every time. It's because he lets other people (read Rhys) take things too far. Nobody has any reason to think that if Rhysand ordered Nesta to be killed the next morning, that he'd do anything to protect her. He may tried have stood up for her when she wasn't around once or twice in... The series (once in acofas, during that dinner, another time when they wanted her to find the trove, and once when he wanted her to be aware of the fact she can create a trove), but he backs down so easily, proving that if push comes to shove, he won't fight for her.

[paleturtlecherryblossom-blog]

Thoughts on Rise of Ning, Pt 2

Now that I’m through like 14 episodes of The Rise of Ning (and I’m having a amazing time), again I want to harp on the changes from the novel, and how I feel they’re logically executed:

First! LU JIAXUE! Even in the novel, he is an incredibly compelling character and in the drama, the actor brings out a fantastic intensity that makes it even better. The shot where Yining is arguing with him to spare her Third brother, and you see her whole face and just his jaw, but then the twitches of his jaw and lips convey SO MUCH repressed emotion, ahhh I was having a lot of fun.

The interesting thing about him for me (at least in the novel) is that he’s not exactly the typical scumbag ex-husband/lover you find in reincarnation/rebirth stories. He was genuinely very good to Yining when they were together, and in many other settings, he could be the endgame male lead after one key misunderstanding gets resolved, and I would cheer for him. In fact, the author did write an alternate universe extra where Yining doesn’t meet Luo Shenyuan and remarries Lu Jiaxue! 

So the romance in the novel is very context dependent; it works out because Yining meets Shenyuan in a setting filled with family struggles, slowly grows to rely on him more than anyone else and gives him her ultimate trust. All of this leads up to her falling in love with him, and this is never in doubt, even when she clears her misunderstanding of Lu Jiaxue (this relieved me a lot lol). 

I don’t really know where I’m going with this, but I just really like stories where characters falling in love for the second time dont have their first love be portrayed as ‘not really love’ or ‘loved a person unworthy of it’. Because in the novel, while I was all for Luo Shenyuan, I couldn’t say Lu Jiaxue was a scumbag who deserved to be dumped quickly. Also those two are very similar in terms of their ruthlessness and capacity for obsession, so I agree with @dangermousie, they should fuck it out. (they do it via court politics, but the direct version would be great to ;) )

So in the novel, Yining has an older sister (from the same mom Gu Minglan), who’s married off to a duke household. This sister of hers is very fierce and capable of defending her to her shitty dad (who’s unchanged across both versions, sigh). And her stepmom is actually not so cool in the novel, she is equally kind to Yining, but she doesn’t have much say. In this aspect, I much prefer Lin Hairu’s character in the drama, which I guess they derived by combining the novel! Older sister and the novel! Lin Hairu.

The change also makes sense, because in the novel, Yining only stays on in the main residence after her mom dies because of her elder sister marrying into a powerful family. In absence of this, and given that Lin Hairu would have married in only years later, it makes sense that Lady Qiao schemed to send her off to a country estate.

Also because Yining stays on the estate and grows up with Luo Shenyuan, Old Lady Luo is also, I think, a bit more accepting of him than in the drama, Again, it makes sense, in the novel, she is aware she is dying and she makes a deal with him: he gets legitimate status, and Yining gets his protection. In the drama, this logic doesn’t apply, because the grandma is looking for a suitable husband for Yining to protect her, and also she isn’t in immediate danger of dying anymore. So whether he can get added to the family registry really would require Yining to put a fair bit of thought into it. Also at this point of time in the novel, Shenyuan is the only adult son of the Luo second branch, so even shitty dad will grasp at straws to elevate his reputation.